#I want to work in like. birth rates and medical care also

[nimblermortal]

People in the notes: Hardison should be in technology!!

Me having just read about the Indian independence movement: Through a combination of grift, con, and forgery, Mr. Hardison is embezzling so much from the British East India Company. As of the pilot, it has not yet occurred to him that there is a moral aspect to this.

Thinking about a Leverage Regency AU and how easy it would be…

The place is London. The year is 18—

Rev. Nathaniel Ford: a disgraced Irish vicar. (Sorry Nate, I couldn’t make the Catholicism work; you’re a Protestant now 😔✊) Fell out with God after losing his son, Samuel. Then he subsequently fell out with his patron, an Earl, who would not fund an expensive surgeon for Sam’s care, and finally with his wife, Margaret. Displaced from his station, his credibility, and power as an agent to nobility, Nate moves quietly to London, hoping to realize his revenge or to drink himself to death - whichever comes first. His parish is now being preached to by a Rev. James Sterling.

Mrs. Sophie Devereaux: a spy through and through. She might actually be a duchess, but didn’t you see her in that terrible play on Drury Lane? No one’s really sure. In society, she’s viewed as an eccentric and slightly mysterious salon hostess, but that cover allowed her to play the British and the French governments throughout the end of the 18th century. A metropolitan girl at heart, she’ll never be found in the country unless planning to procure a particular pièce d’art from one of the gaudy estate manors there.

Mr. Elliot Spencer: began his career at 9, as a cabin boy for a naval vessel. He saw the world twice over, but also witnessed the cruel hierarchy between officers and sailors first hand. He roved through the navy and the army doing little more than grunt work, but studied the martial and combat techniques of every place he went. Now he’s just trying to live the quiet life in London as a bruiser for hire.

Mr. Alec Hardison: a man who has lived many lives —aided, of course, by his job as a private banker, moving around the wealth of London at his leisure. In his line of work, he has picked up the ins and outs of all the governing bodies and businesses in the empire. Add that to his virtuosic ability to pick up any form of study and Mr. Hardison could bleed London dry, given the right reasons. For now, he enjoys the high life thanks to the fortunes of his “betters”.

Parker: an urchin, a waif, the stickiest of fingers in the nicest of neighborhoods. Once the apprentice of the notorious criminal, Lord Archibald Leech, the Gentleman’s Thief, she’s since left his tutelage and is now operating unseen in the big houses of Grosvenor Square as a scullery maid, putting enough bits and bobs aside to graduate from service and to never look back again.

[absurdthirst]

Unwillingly Bonded {Alpha!Agent Whiskey x Omega!F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 12.7k

Warnings: Alpha/Omega dynamics, heats, compulsion to breed, Alpha Whiskey asks permission, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, marking, mating/bonding, abandonment, oral sex (female receiving) knotting, angst, pregnancy, labor, child birth, Jack is a jerk, PTS, trauma, medical trauma, labor complications, hospitals, medically induced comas, second chances.

Comments: On a mission, Agent Whiskey comes across an omega in heat, you. Working you through your need, he bonds with you by marking you as his. Only Jack doesn't want another omega, even as much as it hurts you.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

*** When reblogging or talking about Omegaverse, please remember that ‘a/b/o’ without the slash punctuation marks (/) is considered a slur for the Aboriginal people in Australia. 

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Agent Whiskey MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

Jack checks his watch, not hearing any warnings from Ginger so he knows it’s fine to go into the house. It’s your average suburban house, nothing special, but the hard drive that contains most of the world’s nuclear codes on it is in there and Jack needs to get it so it can be destroyed. He works quietly and to get inside and that’s when it hits him. “Fuck.” He growls, both in frustration and arousal. That smell. Something he hasn’t smelled in years. An omega in heat and not just any omega…his omega. Instinct overcomes him as all thoughts of the hard drive are pushed aside as he stalks through the house, cock hard and aching and he slams the door to the bedroom open. Finding you spread out, sweat glistening on your skin as your fingers work in and out of your needy, aching cunt. You’re in heat and you look glorious. 

“Alpha, please.” You beg, recognizing who Jack is to you and he can’t stop himself, driven by an ancient need, he surges forward onto the bed, shrugging off his jacket as his lips meet yours.

This stranger appeals to you, his scent an instant comfort and a temptation. Left to ride out your incredibly painful heat alone, you had been sentenced to being unfulfilled, until his mouth watering scent had wafted to you. An alpha, your alpha. The pheromones make your omega keen for him, even as your body spasms under your own touch. He would be better, soothe you better. “I need you, alpha.” You mewl as he strips down, the clank of his belt making you whine as the musky scent of his aroused cock fills your nostrils.

Once Jack is naked, he is kneeling between your thighs, fingers sliding through your folds after knocking your digits away. “Don’t worry, omega. I’ve got you. Gonna take care of you.” He promises and wraps his slicked up fingers around his cock, positioning it at your entrance before he starts to slowly push inside of you with a soft groan.

“Alpha!” You don’t even know the man’s name that is pushing inside you but he is feeling perfect as he stretches out your needy cunt.

He isn’t soft or gentle, setting a harsh pace immediately to give you what you need. Jaw clenched as all thoughts except the way you feel around him leave his mind. The urge to bite you is already gnawing inside of him, but he focuses on making you feel good, his hand grabbing your thigh to lift it higher on his hip so he can push deeper inside of you.

“Oh fuck.” You choke out when he manages to feel like he's grinding even deeper inside you than he had originally. Better than anything your fingers could have done, his cock hits deep inside of you and makes you whimper every time he pushes deep and kisses your womb.

Jack can’t speak, the only thing coming from his mouth is growls as he furiously fucks you into the mattressl. He needs you to cum so his fingers find your clit, rubbing harsh circles and making him hiss when you clench down around him. “Omega.” He growls in warning, wanting you to cum for him.

You whine, deep in the back of your throat as you wrap your leg around the back of his thighs. It’s everything you needed and you can’t help but thank the gods that he showed up. The fire in your belly is eased every time he thrusts into you. Arching your back, you present your scent gland to him as you start to cum. Crying out in pleasure as your body shakes under his and stars flash white in your eyes.

“Fuckkkk.” Jack hisses, thrusting into you like a jackhammer and he leans down, unable to stop himself as his teeth sink into your neck. Marking you as his for all to see, his omega, his mate. He can’t stop himself as he claims you as his and his knot swells, catching inside of you until he cums, painting your walls with his hot seed.

The wordless cry of pain and pleasure is loud, your body fusing with his as you feel his teeth sink into your gland. The turmoil and anxiety that comes with being an unbonded omega instantly quelling as your heart stops a beat and starts to synchronize to his. Mated together and bonded so that your happiness, your future, was intertwined with his.

Jack rides out his orgasm and he withdraws his teeth, licking over the mark he’s left on your skin. “I’m Jack.” He introduces himself and you smile sleepily, telling him your name. Jack shifts to lay on his back, still locked inside of you as he lets you lay on his chest, his eyes closing. He can feel your satisfaction and it sends him into a deep sleep, his arms wrapped around you to keep you safe in your slumber.

When you wake up, you notice immediately that he is no longer inside you. Disoriented, you sit up and look around blearily, finding him getting dressed again. “Alpha?” You croak, frowning. “Where are you going?” You shuffle to the end of the bed and start to get up so you can dress as well. Your heat is still in swing, but if you need to leave, you can control yourself until you get where he wants you to be.

“I gotta go, sweetheart. Gotta head back to my work. I got a report to type up and shit to do. It was a pleasure makin’ your acquaintance, but this cowboy has places to be.” He says, putting his hat on his head.

“You aren’t leaving me.” You shake your head and hurry to put your clothes on. “You marked me, mated me.” You remind him, his teeth marks are embedded in your scent gland for everyone to see. “I’ll be ready in just a minute. I’ll pack my things.”

Jack huffs and shakes his head, pissed that he marked you. His body is aching for you even now and he can feel your anger at him as you shuffle to get ready and grab a bag. “I didn’t - I don’t want a mate.” He murmurs to himself, deciding to search around for the hard drive he came in here to find. “What?” You ask, turning towards him and he shakes his head, “nothin’. Just get your shit.”

You hurry up and finish packing, shoving your things into a bag. You hated being here and had hoped to be able to leave, finding that opportunity with the alpha who had marked you. “It’s in the safe behind the dresser.” You tell him. “The hard drive you’re here for.” 

“What? What do you know about that?” He demands, looking up and frowning. 

You shrug. “They wanted to keep whatever was in that hard drive safe. Figuring an omega in heat would distract whoever was looking for it.”

He’s shocked but can’t deny the idea is ingenious. He nods and walks over to the dresser, “you know the code, omega?” He asks, his voice a little demanding and you nod, giving him the code. 

“It’s my birthday.” You confess, “my brother…he’s the one you’re looking for. He - he wants infamy and I- I wish he would stop being the bad guy. He kidnapped me, brought me here two days ago.” You confess and Jack nods, working on pushing the dresser aside so he can open the safe, taking out the hard drive.

You bite your lip and watch Jack, the cowboy alpha who has claimed you. He’s handsome. His thick mustache is perfectly groomed and his Stetson fits the jeans, button up and sports jacket. Right down to the double six shooters he wears and the cowboy boots on his feet. He’s got to be some kind of police, not sure who, but he’s here because your brother is a bad man. You don’t have any love for him, he had been willing to let any alpha abuse you to keep his secrets.

He takes out one of his weapons, not trusting you just yet despite being bonded to you. He is waiting for an ambush now that he has the hard drive and he grabs your hand, pulling you along through the house. He’s cautious of any traps, people that are gonna jump out at him but he guesses that would’ve happened while he had his cock inside of you. “Come, omega.” He says, guiding you out of the house and to the car he has waiting to take him to the airfield.

You are relieved that you are leaving, clinging to him as he speaks to someone through an invisible speaker somewhere on him. “Alpha.” You hear a helicopter approaching and your eyes widen when you see it burst on the horizon. “Is that for us?”

“Yes it is, darlin’. You afraid of flyin’?” He asks you and you shake your head. “Good.” He nods and he guides you over to the car, helping you in. It’s a short drive across the small town to the airfield and he helps you out after he exits the car. The wind from the helicopter is strong and he keeps you close as he guides you to the bird, wanting you to be safe and away from this damn town.

You watch the houses grow smaller and turn towards your alpha, cuddling into his side. You feel comforted by his presence, his scent. Your nose pressed against his scent gland and you sigh, enjoying the waft of satisfaction you are getting from him. Wondering if it’s from his happiness on the mission he was on or from you, you can only guess.

Jack feels you relax against him and he allows himself to comfort you but he takes his phone out to message Ginger to prepare his home for you. The helicopter ride doesn’t take long and soon he’s landing at the airfield for Statesman and he has the car waiting. He helps you off of the helicopter and to the awaiting car. “Come, omega. Let’s go home.” He says and helps you into the car, putting your bag in the trunk before he gets in and starts the engine.

His seed is still inside you and the idea of a home, a real home with your alpha, makes your omega preen. You eagerly look out the window, wondering what kind of home he has and the prospect of building a real nest for your heats appeals. Your family hasn’t been the best and you are glad that he marked you. “Where is our home?” You ask curiously.

“I have a farmhouse. My ma and pa had it built before I was born and it’s been mine ever since my ma passed away.” He reveals, having lived in the home on and off for the past ten years. It’s his childhood home and he hopes you’re happy there. The drive isn’t long and he’s soon pulling up outside the ranch house, “home sweet home.”

It’s a beautiful little thing, although it has an air of being abandoned. As if your alpha hadn’t spent much time here. That doesn’t matter, you will make it a soft landing for him, a haven from the cruel world. “Alpha, it’s beautiful.” You tell him breathlessly, charmed by the place. “Do we- would you mind if I changed things? Made it comfortable for you?”

Jack won’t argue with you, he will let you do what you want. “I want it to be comfortable for you.” Jack says and he opens the door for you after parking his bronco and he helps you inside with your bag. “I want you to make this your home.” He says after he turns on the lights and you frown, turning to look at him. 

“You mean our home?” You ask and he shakes his head, “I will be going to my apartment in the city. This is your home.””

“Alpha.” You look around in confusion. “You…you bonded with me. My place is where you are.” You know that it is possible to spend time apart, but any longer than a day is incredibly painful for a bonded alpha and omega. “Let me come with you to your apartment. I will make sure you are happy.”

“I - I can’t.” Jack shakes his head, shifting to sit down on the sofa and he takes his hat off to set it down on the coffee table. “I can’t stay with you, omega.” He says and you sit down next to him, “why not?” Your lower lip trembles and he feels your hurt.

“I- I was mated. I was twenty and she was my high school sweetheart. We were so in love and so young. We were bonded and we got married, she got pregnant. Then one night she went to a gas station and went inside to get a chocolate bar, one of her cravings, and she was shot by two drug addicts who wanted money and she got caught in the fray, she was killed when she was seven months pregnant. I- I can’t lose another omega. I never wanted to be mated again but then you- it was like I couldn’t control myself. I can’t be with you. I cannot go through that again.”

Your heart breaks, hating that he is unwilling to fulfill his duty to you. He had bonded with you and had no intention of keeping you with him. Curling away from him, you wrap your arms around yourself and cry, his rejection of you piercing through you like a knife. “Please.” You beg, closing your eyes to try to keep from reaching for him, or seeing the disgust in his eyes. “You are my alpha.”

He can feel your anger and sadness but it doesn’t sway him. The memory of his highschool sweetheart laying on the slab with her baby bump and his unborn son flashes in his mind and he won’t go through that again. He shakes his head again, “I’m sorry. I can’t stay with you. You’ll be safe here. I- I’ll come back to help you with your heats.”

You turn your back to him, unwilling to let him see you hurting even though he can smell it on you. “Don’t bother, alpha.” You manage to grit out. “I am sure that there are other places you would rather be.”

Jack doesn’t push, knowing you are going to hate him but hating him is better than you being dead. “Okay. If you need anything, I- you can call me on this phone.” He hands you the phone he has in his pocket. He can get another one from Ginger but the line is secure so you won’t be jeopardized by his enemies listening in. You choke on a sob and he doesn’t say anything, just stands up and makes his way to the door. “I’m sorry, omega. I didn’t - I never expected to be in this position. I didn’t even know you could - I barely survived losing my last mate. I cannot do it again. I’ll speak to you soon.” He half promises and steps out of the door and makes his way to his bronco.

Your heart shatters, every step he takes away from you burning you like a flame being held to your scent gland. Knowing that he has no intention of being with you makes you collapse onto the floor, sobbing. Distress pours off of you in waves and you wonder why he had marked you if he had no intention of keeping you. It would have been better to just fuck you and leave you there because now your happiness and your health is tied to a man who has no need for you.

Jack can feel your devastation through your bond but he tries to ignore it, the way his body is pushing him to go back and comfort you. He nearly died after he lost his last mate, he can’t go through that again. That was worse than what he’s feeling now. He swallows harshly, gripping the steering wheel as he makes his way to the compound to his apartment there so he can get away from you. This is for the best, it has to be.

You don’t know how long you lay on the floor of the house where Jack had abandoned you. Unable to do anything but mourn the rejection of your alpha, you don’t sleep or drink or eat as you wallow in the pain and misery. Unable to do anything but deal with the pain of his emotional and physical distance, you wonder if it would be better to just break the bond with him. 

**** 

It’s been weeks since Jack left you crying on his living room floor. The ache has become his constant companion but he ignores it, immersing himself in missions and trying to forget about his mate. He arrives back at the compound, exhausted from his last mission to Thailand when Ginger rushes up to him. “What’s wrong?” He asks, a frown on his face when Ginger shakes her head. 

“She needs you Jack. She’s in heat. She - she wants to - she doesn’t want to live anymore…she told me she can’t handle it.” Jack inhales sharply and shakes his head, running towards the parking garage. 

He speeds down the road, rain battering his windshield and lightning flashes in the clouds above. He’s desperate to make sure you don’t do anything stupid. He’s speeding when his engine starts to sputter. “No. No. Don’t fuckin’ - you fuckin’ piece of shit.” He growls, slamming his hand on the steering wheel. He can’t waste another second so he gets out, running down the dusty drive to his ranch and he is soaked to the bone as he yells your name, “omega! Omega!” He shouts, stumbling onto the porch.

Inside the house, buried in your nest, you writhe in pain. Whimpering and crying as you imagine Jack’s voice, your Alpha’s voice ringing in your head. Calling for you. The faint remnants of his scent around the house are all you have left and you had gathered everything you could to make it feel like he was around you, but it was no use. The pain is much more intense now during your heat than when you had been unbonded, you don’t know if you can stand this. You had told him not to bother coming back, but your fingers shake as you reach for the prescription that the doctor had given you. Needing the sweet relief that it would bring and maybe peace. 

Jack runs through the house, drenched through and he’s stripping his jacket and shirt off, and he is hard already, his body aching for you when he smells the desperation coming off of you. “Omega. Omega. I'm sorry. Let me help you. Let me help you.” He pleads, his instincts driving him to help you and he’s desperate to help you. “Please. Tell me I can help you, omega.”

“Alpha!” You drop the bottle, surprised that he is here and you can’t help but think that he’s changed his mind, that that pain of being apart was too great for him like it had been for you. “Please alpha, I need you.” You beg, desperate for his touch and the soothing scent of his pheromones surrounding you. “Jack, please.”

He can’t deny you, even if he tries. He has to satisfy you. It’s in his DNA. He shoves his jeans down, kicking off his boots and he reaches for your thighs, pushing them apart so he can surge forward to bury his tongue in your cunt, his nose pressed against your clit.

“Ohhhh Alpha!” you scream in pleasure, the overwhelming flood of endorphins taking over and quenching the fire that has been crawling under your skin since Jack had left. He is a vital part of your physical and emotional health. Your fingers tear into his hair, curling around the strands and tugging as you roll your hips down into his face, grinding down on him. Desperate for more. “Please alpha, oh god, thank you, thank you for coming.” 

His hands grab your thighs, pushing them back so he can push his tongue deeper inside of you. “Fuck baby. Taste so good.” He groans, pulling back for a moment until he’s surging forward again to wrap his lips around your clit to suck hard, wanting you to cum like this first.

You moan and writhe in your nest, feeling your body respond to his touch to the waves of determined pheromones that are pouring off of him. The pride that he feels every time your walls gush around his tongue and your orgasm slams through you without warning with the next suck of his mouth. Screaming his name, your body shakes and jerks from the force of your pleasure, your omega preening under the attention from her alpha after so long without him. 

The way you cum has his cock leaking with need for you, aching to put his knot inside of you. He groans your name and kisses up your body, taking your nipple into his mouth while he reaches down to grip his cock with his hand. Pumping himself a couple of times before he positions himself at your entrance, “omega.” He murmurs, kissing your scent gland as he pushes inside of you.

You groan, your limbs winding around him and you practically purr at the stretch of him. Thick and heavy inside you, he scratches an itch that you couldn’t manage yourself with any toy or your fingers. Your alpha, deep inside you, was exactly what you needed. “Alpha, please.” You beg prettily. “I need you to knot me. Pump me full of your cum.”

He can’t deny you any longer. Starting to move inside of you, he hisses your name and moves slow but deep, wanting to give you the relief he knows you need. His mind is clouded with your scent and the way your cunt feels wrapped around his cock. “Fuck, omega. Missed this.” He confesses, admitting to you and himself that he had thought about you during his self imposed solitude.

You can’t even chide him right now, not when he is giving you what you’ve wanted. What you need. It just means that he’s realized he was wrong and he will stay with you now. Or bring you with him. While the house and the grounds are lonely, you need to be with your alpha. “So good. I needed you. My alpha, fuck Jack, you feel so good.”

Jack groans when you moan his title and his name, your walls flutter around him and he moves a little faster inside of you, giving you what you need. “Fuck baby girl, oh my omega. So good. Feel so good.” He grunts into your jaw as his hips move inside of you. He’s missed this feeling and he knows he shouldn’t have stayed away from you.

The steady push of his cock inside you makes you keen, rocking your hips up to meet his thrusts. “It’s so good, alpha. Missed you. Needed you so badly. My nest needs to smell like you.”

He hums, “gonna make sure you’re satisfied. Gonna make cum over and over, sugar.” He promises as he moves within you, his hand gripping your thigh to push it further back against your stomach, wanting to be even deeper inside of you. “Need you to cum again, baby girl.” He murmurs, pressing his nose against your scent gland.

You whine, loving the attention and the promise of satisfaction. You need it. Your omega content as he fucks you steadily. Your fingers dig into his back, holding him close and you close your eyes to let him just take care of you. Despite him leaving, you trust him to care for you. “Want to be good for you, alpha.” You moan softly.

He groans, loving how you submit to him despite him abandoning you. His fingers slide between your bodies so he can rub your clit, desperate to make you cum and be satisfied after hearing of your despair from Ginger. He’s acting on animal instinct, wanting to feel you cum and moan his name, his title. “Cum for me, omega.” He orders, his voice rough.

You are completely helpless to do anything but cum for him. Shuddering when the first bolts of pleasure rock through you, your cunt clenches down on him like a vice, legs wrapped around him as you soak him in a torrent of your juices.

Jack feels like he’s complete when you cum around him. He knows he should be here for you but the memories of his late wife and unborn child stop him from opening up to you. He grits his teeth, pushing deep. It’s been too long since he came so he’s moving faster until he’s groaning out “omega” and painting your walls with his hot seed.

You whimper in pleasure, the heat of his cum flooding your womb and making you moan his name quietly. Your body starts to relax for the first time in months, the pain that has been so prevalent subsiding. “I’m so glad you’ve changed your mind, alpha.” You murmur quietly, caressing his back as he rides out his high.

Jack’s knot is caught inside of you as he works himself through his orgasm and he exhales shakily, closing his eyes. He knows he should’ve been here for you and he doesn’t want you to do anything stupid because he was selfish and decided to not be what you need. Your life depends on him being what you need and it kills him on a cellular level to feel your agony. “I’m sorry, ‘mega.” He murmurs, shifting to his side so he can curl around you.

You are exhausted, the pain has been draining and you snuggle back into his arms. “‘S okay.” You mumble sleepily, eyes starting to flutter closed. “Love you.” Even though you don’t know him, your very nature makes you love him, he’s your mate. The other half of your being and you feel complete now that his scent is surrounding you and comforting you.

****

“Fuck. Feel so good, omega. So fuckin’ tight, sugar.” Jack hisses as he rocks into you, moaning at the way you grip his cock inside of you, his hips hitting your ass as he fucks you from behind. It’s been two days since you left your nest for anything other than food and to shower quickly. Even then, Jack made sure his soapy hand was between your thighs to keep you satisfied. Sweat beads on his brow as he fucks you, his fingers digging into your hips.

You moan, bowing your back as he hits that wonderful little spot deep inside you and makes your thighs shake. The past two days have been pure bliss, falling asleep with his knot inside you and waking up to his tongue on your clit. The perfect alpha in every sense, he has made this heat the best you have ever experienced and the down times between sex have been filled with conversation. You’ve learned what he does, he’s an agent for a place called Statesman, intelligence work. Which you had kind of figured out after your meeting. “Jack, baby, alpha, I’m gonna cum.” You’ve learned he loves knowing he’s taking care of you, and you call him ‘alpha’.

“That’s it, darlin’. Cum for ole Jack. Cum for your alpha.” He orders, pushing deep inside of you and his hand slides down your stomach to press against your clit, wanting to hear your sweet cries as you clamp down on his cock and soak him. “Cum. For. Me.” He says through gritted teeth as he pushes deep inside of you.

You cry out loudly, collapsing down face-first into your nest and moaning as he continues to rock into you. Pushing you through your pleasure with every thrust of his hips. You feel the knot start to swell and your eyes close blissfully. “Fill me, alpha.” You beg, pushing your hips back. “I want your knot, please alpha, only you can make it feel so good.”

He grits his teeth, unable to deny you anything as he pushes deep, his knot catching and he groans your name as he cums, his seed spilling inside of you as he leans down to press his nose to your scent gland. You smell like him, covered in his scent and that makes him vibrate with pleasure and satisfaction.

You hum, smiling against the sheets in your nest as you feel him throb inside you. Jack shuffles, guiding you to lay down with his knot embedded inside you and keeping you plugged full of his cum. “I think that was the last push.” You tell him breathlessly, closing your eyes and relaxing into his arms.

Jack feels you fall asleep against his chest and he caresses your arm and down to your side, wishing he could stay like this forever but his traitorous heart lurches when his mind flashes with the image of his dead omega full of his unborn son. It makes him clench his eyes shut like he’s trying to get rid of the image. He sighs and shakes his head, curling around you. He will be gone by the time you wake up, the note on the nightstand telling you to call him next time you’re in heat.

****

“Do not tell him that I am in heat.” You hiss through the phone to Ginger, the pain blooming through your system although you try to block it. “I just need suppressants,” you tell her. “This heat is different. I’m sick and throwing up. I’m tired all the time and the pain just seems to linger.” You had vowed to never let Jack Daniels in your nest again after waking to find your alpha had abandoned you for a second time. You had cried and raged before deciding that you were done letting him control you. “It will help with the pain.”

“I- I don’t think you need a - I think you need a doctor.” Ginger says, summoning the facility doctor to go to Jack’s house to meet you and check you out. You don’t argue and Ginger doesn’t alert Jack, knowing you’d be mad about it. “The doctor is gonna be there in twenty minutes.”

“Thank you, Ginger.” You tuck your phone into your shoulder and start tearing apart your nest to rebuild it for the third time. You’ve been unhappy with it and have done this at least twice a day for the past week. Unsure of why you feel so particular when you’ve never really noticed it before. “Please don’t tell Jack, I’m obviously not his concern.”

Jack’s phone dings and he wonders what the calendar event is when today is nothing special until he sees it’s the scheduled first day of your heat. He knows you must be in pain by now, he can feel the never ending tinge of pain in his body with every step he takes away from you and he decides to go see you, to perform his duty. The dust kicked up from his bronco, he enters the house with a call of your position, wanting to hear you moan for him.

You stare at the results the doctor had printed out for you. You hear Jack call your designation and you shove the paper out of sight and leap up to slam the bedroom door and lock it. Despite the pain, you don’t want him near you. Not right now. Not when your heat wasn’t really a heat. “What are you doing here, Jack?” You call out through the door, trying to ignore the way your omega leaps in happiness at his presence.

Jack tries to open the bedroom door and finds it locked. “Sugar, why are you lockin’ me out?” He asks, frowning and confused as he tries the door again. “Why won’t you let me help you?” He asks, his voice taking on that alpha quality that has you shivering as you struggle to not respond.

“So you can leave me again?” You close your eyes, trying to resist the urge to open the door and slide into his arms. “I would rather work through my heat by myself.” You lie.

“I- you can’t deny what you need. I don’t want you to be hurtin’.” He murmurs and you scoff, “right. That’s why you keep leaving me.” Jack sighs, resting his forehead on the door after taking off his hat, “you know why.”

“I know that you bonded with me and have left me in pain nearly every day since then.” You reply. “Just go Jack. I’m not requiring your services. Go back to your apartment and pretend I don’t exist.”

“I - I want to help.” He tries to sound convincing, knowing that you hate him. You must hate him and he doesn’t blame you. He never should’ve claimed you. He deserves your hatred. “Just go.” You choke and he sighs, knocking his fist on the doorframe. “You know where to find me when it gets too much.” He says, placing his hat back on his head and he heads out of the house, back to his solitude.

You hate when he leaves but you know it’s for the best. He can’t discover that you are pregnant, that would really make him run for the hills. You are doing what is best for you and for him, even though it hurts.

****

The agony is something that Jack is used to now. The constant ache as he flies away on yet another mission. His heart burning for you but he stays away, unwilling to go through the grief from

the loss of another omega. He sighs and rubs his jaw as he comes in to land in Kentucky, the thought of wondering what you’re doing comes to him again. When he lands, he finds Ginger waiting for him and that makes him frown. “What’s happened?” He asks and she sighs.

“Jack. She - she’s in labor.” She announces and Jack shakes his head. 

“Labor? But she- she isn’t pregnant.” He chokes and Ginger nods, “she is. You haven’t spoken to her for months. She’s in labor, Jack. Don’t miss this opportunity to make things right.” Ginger says, having been your friend during your pregnancy, helping you and letting you vent when the anger towards Jack got to be too much for you.

You close your eyes, breathing heavily through another contraction and you let out a moan of pain. The doctor that had told you that you were pregnant is on the way, willing to deliver the baby at your home. You’ve decorated it to your tastes and prepared for your baby as best you can. Ginger had delivered a credit card that Jack had set up for you, so you didn’t have to worry about paying for anything, although the pain of not having your alpha with you still persisted. You were dealing with it and you supposed you should thank Jack. Because of that, you were dealing with labor a lot better than you could have been.

Jack is speeding down the driveway, barely stopping his bronco before he’s jumping out and making his way inside to find you screaming in pain, the midwife by your side. “Omega. Why didn’t you tell me?” He demands, setting his hat down and shrugging off his jacket. He’s terrified but there’s nothing he can do now, he needs to be here for you.

“Ginger.” You hiss, panting after the contraction has passed. “You-“ you shake your head, “you didn’t want me, so you wouldn’t want the baby either.” You reason, even though Ginger had assured you many times that Jack would have stepped up to take care of you and the baby if he had known you were pregnant.

Jack should want the earth to swallow him whole and he does when his eyes drift down to your belly. So round and full of his child, one he didn’t even know you were having. “I- I wish you had told me. I would’ve been here.” He’s half telling the truth. Not sure if he would’ve been here but he likes to think even he can work past it to be there for you.

You snort and would have replied but another pain rips through you, making you grip the bedding of your nest tightly and scream again. Sweat pours down your cheeks and you feel like the baby is trying to come too fast, but you know that you are progressing nicely.

Jack steps closer, reaching for your hand. “Omega. Let me help you”. He says, knowing he can comfort you like no one else can. He wants to. He wants to make you feel safe and protected while you go through this pain. “Did Ging not give you any pain meds?” He asks, knowing Ginger has stuff in her supplies.

“She- it’s not time yet.” You pant, leaning back and closing your eyes and trying to rest between the contractions. His fingers squeeze yours and you should pull away, but it does comfort you. Your eyes open and you look into the handsome face of your alpha. “You don’t have to stay.” You tell him. “I’ve decided to do this alone.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He growls at you, not allowing an argument. He may be many things but Jack won’t walk away from you in a time of need like this. He brings your hand up to kiss the back of it and murmurs your name. “You can do this, baby girl. I know you can. Focus. Breathe. You’re so fuckin’ strong. Can survive without your alpha. You can do this.” He promises, leaning in to kiss your forehead.

You can survive without your alpha. It’s been a bitch to learn, but you’ve done it. Closing your eyes, you try to not let your omega take control, to preen under his touch and praise. You know it’s only temporary. Once the baby is born safely, Jack will disappear again. He doesn’t want you as his mate. You are nothing but a burden to him. The idea of breaking the bond once again flutters through your mind until the next contraction hits.

He holds your hand as you grit your teeth while the midwife comes over to check you. “You’re ready to go mama. You ready to start pushing?” She asks and you shake your head, “fuck, this hurts.” You choke, feeling another contraction coming. 

“You can do this, baby. Just breathe. You can do this.” Jack promises, knowing he has to be strong for you at this moment.

You close your eyes so you don’t have to see him, but the calming pheromones he’s pumping out and the strong grip of his hand helps you. Biting your lip, you quickly change it to clenching your teeth together to suppress the scream as you start to push.

Jack lets you squeeze the shit out of his hand and he watches as you push, sweat beading on your brow but you are being so strong. Time seems to stand still as you push until Jack hears the cries of the baby and his heart lurches. “Congratulations, it’s a girl. Would daddy like to cut the cord?” The midwife asks and Jack nods, dumbstruck as he walks over after letting go of your hand to cut the cord. 

The midwife hands him his daughter and she is squawking, annoyed at being pushed into the world, and Jack smiles, “hey darlin’ girl.” He murmurs, carrying her over to her mama.

Your heart stutters when you see your alpha with your daughter, softening your resolve and your omega purrs happily. Your tears are both from relief and angst that you know he will walk away again. Not only hurting you, but her as well. The midwife continues to work on you as you take her from Jack and cradle her in your arms. “You are gorgeous.” You coo to her smooshed little face, softly stroking her fluid covered cheek. “Look at you, Princess, you don’t have anything to cry about. Mama’s gonna take care of you.”

Jack starts to panic, imagining something happening to you or the baby. The fear crawls up his throat until he chokes, terrified to see you hurt or worse. You cradle the baby and he shakes his head, stepping back. “I- I’m sorry, omega. I can’t - fuck.” He tries to inhale but he can’t seem to breathe. The panic tightening his chest and he grips his shirt. “I- sorry.” He gasps and turns on his heel, running out of his home and onto the porch, desperately trying to breathe but he can’t.

You let out a sob of disbelief, unable to believe that he had run so quickly, but that seems to be Jack’s style. “Damn you, Jack Daniels.” You huff, tears starting to slide down your cheeks and you decide that you are done. “Do not let him back inside.” You instruct the midwife. “I don’t want him here.”

Jack can barely see as he drives back to the compound. His fingers gripping the steering wheel like a lifeline and he has tears running down his cheeks as he tries to drive away from his omega and his newborn daughter. He’s toxic and he knows he’d hurt them eventually so he might as well get it over with. 

When he arrives back at the compound, Ginger is there to meet him with a slap to the face. “What the hell is wrong with you?” She hisses, “that’s it, Jack. You need to go to the therapist. No more excuses or trying to act like you’re fine. You just abandoned the best thing to ever happen to you and it’s gonna destroy you. You need help.” 

Jack can’t even argue. He nods, slumping as he struggles to breathe again. Ginger pulls him into her arms, knowing he’s struggling with everything

It hurts more than you ever thought to know that he didn’t even try to come back inside. That your daughter - his daughter - was so unimportant that he didn’t want to see her again. It makes you realize that you had done the right thing, not telling him about your pregnancy. Still you hesitate to break your bond, despite it hurting you. Instead, you focus on your daughter and the first days pass quickly, getting used to being a mother and learning to breastfeed your daughter.

Jack rubs his hands on his jeans, standing up from the sofa. His therapy session is over, one of many that he’s been attending to work through his issues and he’s stepping out of the room when he gets the call. “Ging.” He answers and she says words he doesn’t ever want to hear. 

It’s all a fuzzy noise but he hears her say “collapsed” and “hospital” and he’s rushing to the hospital without a second thought. He gives you name and is running into your room, finding you unconscious on the bed, the baby in the bassinet beside you. 

The doctor follows him in and explains that you collapsed. A hemorrhage from the birth and you had called 911 before you collapsed so they brought the baby with you as it didn’t appear anyone was at home with you. Jack nearly collapses himself from guilt and the doctor says you are touch and go for now, they need to see if the clots have traveled to your brain so they are taking you for a scan. 

The baby begins to cry and Jack walks over to cradle her, tears in his eyes as the guilt swallows him whole. “Hey sweetheart. It’s daddy. I- I should’ve been there. I’m so sorry.” He chokes, leaning down to kiss her forehead before he looks over at you.

The baby squawks and tears up again, unhappy that her mother isn’t holding her, but you don’t stir. You can’t. You are locked in a dream where Jack leaves you, over and over again, making your heart ache and your body shudder in pain. A dream where your daughter doesn’t exist because he never would mate you after that first time. 

The doctor tells Jack that they have put you in a coma to keep your brain protected in case of any blood clots and Jack spends what seems like days in the hospital room. The baby can’t stay in there forever since you have breast milk at home so he has to go home and let her sleep, feed her, and Ginger has to help him learn how to take care of his daughter. 

It’s been a week since you went into hospital and Jack doesn’t think he can imagine his life without his child. He’s fallen in love with her, wanting to be her father and protect her from the horrors of the world. He rocks her as he sits down on the plastic chair, diaper bag at his feet as he sits beside you. “Hey, baby girl. Me and Ella are here.” He says, looking down at the sleeping baby in his arms.

Your eyes flutter and you groan quietly. You feel like you are being pulled out of a deep sleep. You can hear Jack talking, but you can’t make out what he’s saying. The baby is cooing and you remember her face, holding her. Grunting you try to reach for her but your limbs feel like they are weighed down.

Jack cradles the baby and notices you’ve woken up. “Omega.” He murmurs softly, not wanting to startle you and he steps closer, “omega, it’s me.” He says and leans down to smile at you, not wanting to startle you. “It’s okay, baby girl. It’s okay.” He promises, leaning in to reassure you.

“J- Jack?” You try to open your eyes but they are so heavy, taking you several moments before you can finally peel them open. “Wh- where’s the baby?” You ask groggily, not seeing her at first and then panicking. “The baby- where’s my baby?”

Jack leans over, Ella still in his arms, and he shows her to you. “It’s okay, baby. She’s here. She’s here.” He assures you, tilting his arms to show you the baby as the nurses come in, wanting to check on you since your alarms went off with your waking up.

“Wha-what happened?” You are confused and agitated with the nurses poking you when all you want is to hold your baby. Relieved when they move so you aren’t looking around them to see Ella, you reach for her the moment you can. “Give her to me.” You beg Jack, desperate to hold her again. “Why am I here?”

The nurses help you sit up and get you situated, checking your vitals but all you want is for Ella to be in your arms. Jack doesn’t argue, reaching out to slide the baby gently into your arms and you immediately pull her close. Jack watches you, tearing stinging in his eyes. “She has been fed and changed. I- I found the breast milk in the freezer.” He explains, wanting to reassure you.

“Why are you here?” You don’t mean to sound harsh, but Jack has done nothing but abandon you. You don’t want him here. It’s hard to ignore the calming pheromones he’s sending out but you cuddle your daughter close and lean over her, as if you could protect her from the alpha in the room. Your blood pressure spikes and you look up at Jack for an explanation.

Jack shakes his head, "I know you hate me but...at least let me be there for our little girl. I have taken care of her in the time you've been unconscious and I love her. I want to be her father. Please, if anything, let me be a father to her. That's all I ask, baby girl."

“What? So you can leave her too? Alpha?” You sneer his designation and shake your head. “You’re only here because I wasn’t able to take care of her. Now you will just leave again and I’d rather you do it when she won’t be hurt by it.” You tell him. “You left her when she was less than five minutes old.”

Jack swallows, knowing he deserves your anger. “I- I know you hate me but I’ve been working on myself in therapy. I have tried to - to work through my issues and I’m doing better. I know now how wrong I’ve been. I should’ve been there. This entire time. I love you. I love her. I know I don’t deserve a second chance but darlin’, walkin’ away will kill me but I’ll do it for you.” He vows, his breathing picking up.

You hadn’t expected a fight, but his easy acquiesce to your demands just proves that you had been right. He would just leave again. As much as your omega is begging you to climb out of your bed and follow him, you can’t. This is about what’s best for you and your baby. Not what your omega wants.

It’s so hard to walk out but he has to. He can’t stay there and agitate you when you need to rest. It kills him to leave but he does and eventually, he ends up in the house, preparing it for your return. Buying groceries and doing the laundry, he cleans and makes sure it’s ready for your return.

You have to stay in the hospital another twelve hours, but eventually they release you. There wasn’t a clot and your bleeding had returned to normal, so there’s no reason for you to stay. When you are discharged, you call Ginger to take you and the baby home, telling her that you’ve sent Jack away. That you are going to break your bond when you get home. You want to be free of an alpha who never really wanted you to begin with.

When you arrive home, Jack is waiting with dinner cooked and everything ready for you to relax. He knows you are going to be tired despite being in the coma and he desperately wants you to be okay and healthy even if you hate him. When the door opens, he waits for you and swallows harshly, knowing you’re gonna want him to leave.

Frowning, you freeze when you see Jack inside, wondering what he is doing here. You smell food and you are surprised that he has cooked. Or bought food, you didn’t know Jack could cook, but there are a lot of things that you don’t know about him. Instead of saying anything, you try to ignore the soothing scent of his alpha and go about getting the baby settled back in because she needs to eat again and then go to bed.

Jack sighs when you don’t say anything to him but he doesn’t react. Instead, he lays the table for your dinner and gets you some water. He hears you putting Ella in her crib and he swallows harshly, waiting for you to come out as he leans against the kitchen counter, his arms crossed as he waits for you.

You walk back into the living room and despite not seeing him, you still feel him here. Coming into the kitchen, you see him waiting there. “You are still here?” You ask, feigning surprise. “Can’t say as I expected that. Did you need something from me?”

“No. No. I don’t need anything. I just - I want to be there for you and this is my house. I’m not leavin’. I’ll stay in the spare room but I ain’t leavin’ my family. I want a second chance and I- seein’ you in that hospital bed…seein’ you and looking after Ella…it made me realize what is so important. It’s you and Ella. My family. I quit Statesmen.” He announces, knowing you won’t accept him but he’s not walking away again.

Your mouth drops open in shock and you shake your head. “You quit your job? You live for your job.” You protest and huff. It makes you frown and you wonder how long it would take for him to grow bored and want to go back. “Jack, you shouldn’t have done that.”

He shakes his head, “I quit because it’s not my life anymore. You are. You and Ella. Omega, I don’t want to be away from you. I have spoken to my therapist and I’ve been workin’ through my shit. I’m not perfect. I ain’t ever gonna be, but I want to be with you.”

They are words that you have desperately  wanted to hear for so long. Your heart aches and you want to believe him, but you shake your head. “Until when, Jack?” You have been purposefully calling him by his name instead of alpha. “I'm sorry, I just can’t trust you.” You admit sadly. “I can’t make you go, but I don’t want you in my nest.”

“I understand that, sugar. I don’t want to push this but I’m not leavin’. I’ll be here, helping with Ella and helping you after you just got out of the hospital. I’m gonna look after you both. What I should’ve been doing this entire time.” He sighs, feeling guilty and he reminds himself of his techniques from his therapist.

“You should have been doing that.” You won’t let him get off easy. “I was going to break our bond tonight.” You announce. “Give you the freedom you have wanted for nearly a year.”

Jack is surprised to hear that even though he shouldn’t be. It’s painful to remove the bond, and it can lead to death. “You- you were gonna - oh baby girl. I- fuck.” He blinks a few times, shocked to hear that and he feels a little sick. He shakes his head, “I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”

“Don’t be.” You shrug, trying to blink back tears. “You never wanted me. Not really. And I’ve been selfish by keeping the bond in place.” You might be a little emotional, but you’ve given it a lot of thought.

“No. No. I’ve been the selfish one. Running away from my responsibility, from what should’ve been my salvation. I’ve led a lonely life until you came along and I shouldn’t have run away, I - there’s a reason I bonded with you. We are meant to be, even if you don’t see that right now. Give me a second chance to prove to you that I can be your alpha, be a good father.”

You smile sadly, aware that your omega is leaping at the chance to reconcile. You shake your head. “I don’t know if that’s going to happen.” You admit. “I give you one week before you are leaving. A week would be longer than you’ve ever stayed before.”

Jack sighs, knowing he has to prove it to you and he’s prepared to do that. “Give me one week, just one week. And if I’m gone, you can break the bond and - fuck - find someone to shoot my ass. But if I’m here for more than a week…I want you to give me a second chance. To allow me to prove to you that I’m fully in this.” He pleads softly, dark eyes wide under the rim of his hat.

“One week.” It won’t make a difference to Ella if Jack stayed for a week, if he left she would still be too young to imprint on him. “If you are here after a week, I will see about giving you another chance.” It’s all you can offer him right now. “I don’t know if you understand how much you hurt me, Jack.” You murmur quietly. “Especially leaving after Ella was born.”

“I know, baby girl. I know.” He nods, knowing he can’t take back that agony, the hurt he caused, but he can try to make up for it now. He gestures to the table, “sit and eat. Please. I don’t want us to forget you’ve just been in the hospital.”

You are grateful that he made you something to eat, so you don’t argue. Pulling the chair out and sitting down, you look at the meal and smile. “Thank you. I didn’t realize how hungry I was.” You admit quietly. “I don’t know if my supply of breast milk has dried up. The nurses said they pumped me, but they never said if the supply was dwindling.”

Jack bites his lip, “I - the nurses did say it might have dried up so I got some formula. You still have a good supply in the freezer and I- shit - I should’ve been here when you collapsed. I should’ve been taking care of you.”

You bite your lip, aware that he’s right, but it’s not like you can go back in time. Instead you just nod and start to eat. Your appetite comes back quickly and you start eating hungrily and surprise yourself with how much you enjoyed the fact that this alpha made you food. “Thank you.” You offer quietly when you put down your fork.

Jack knows he doesn't deserve a second chance but he's prepared to work for it. He knows that he can't walk away from his omega and his daughter. "I'll go check on Ella. Eat your meal, baby girl." He says and leaves you in peace. He has a week to prove to you that he's all in and he's going to do this.

You listen to him through the baby monitor, softly cooing to the still sleeping baby. It makes your heart clench and you close your eyes, reminding yourself that he’s got a habit of saying what he needs to in the moment. You sigh softly, wondering what you are going to do, so determined to break the bond when you left the hospital.

The next week passes by with Jack helping you with Ella and around the house. He wants you to know he’s being serious. He’s quit Statesmen and he’s here for you and Ella. He sighs as he makes up Ella’s bottle and he’s exhausted. Sleeping in the guest bedroom, he’s struggling to rest when his mind rolls over the things he regrets while waiting for you to at least give him a chance.

You shuffle into the kitchen, sleepy eyed and just woken up to make a bottle. Not expecting Jack to already be up. You hum and move over towards him. “Is that for Ella, alpha?” You ask quietly, voice laden with sleep and calling him by his designation almost by accident. This week has shown you what a considerate and helpful alpha he is capable of being. Slowly, your wariness has eased and while you still feel the ache of separation, it’s not the searing pain it had been when you were apart.

Jack preens at your response to his helping and his efforts, happy that you seem to be warming up to him. He checks the bottle on his wrist and Ella is still crying through the monitor. “I’ll get her.” Jack says, making his way into the nursery to cradle his daughter, cooing to her while he places the bottle at her lips. She latches it on and starts to gulp down the milk. “That’s it, sweetheart.” He murmurs

The sounds of her father talking to her filter through the monitor and you can’t help but smile. He is making an effort and it has done wonders for you. The issues with your health are all but resolved and you feel better than you had when you had been carrying her. As you listen to them, you start the coffee and breakfast, aware that both of you need to eat.

Jack changes Ella after she finishes her bottle and he carries her into the kitchen to see you cooking and he frowns, “I was gonna make you some pancakes, baby girl.” He says, stepping closer to you. “You still need your rest.”

“I can make breakfast.” You promise him. “I think I might have slept more than you did last night.” You’ve noticed that the tired look on his face has gotten worse and you nudge a cup of coffee towards him. “Do I need to take her?”

Jack shakes his head, “I’ll do it. You want some eggs and bacon? I’ve got her.” He smiles down at Ella who snuggles into his chest and he leans down to kiss her forehead. “I’ve got my little Angel.” Jack coos, rocking her and he can feel you watching him.

“You like being a father.” You realize, smiling slightly when you do. “That’s - that’s good.” You bite your lip, trying to ignore how sexy he is with the baby in his arms and your omega begs for you to slide closer and touch him. Your body isn’t recovered enough for physical affection, but that need is growing.

“I never - it’s not something I ever thought I’d get the chance to do. I never wanted to because of…you know. But this little one, she’s stolen my heart and I can’t imagine not wantin’ to be her daddy.” He confesses, “I want to be there for her…and for you, omega.”

You shiver and can’t quite suppress the small whine. Enjoying the way that it feels when he calls you ‘omega’ in such a possessive tone. “You’ve been here for a week.” You venture, glancing up from the eggs to look into his soft brown eyes. “And you’re still here.”

Jack nods, not wanting to expand on that. Ultimately, it’s your choice if he gets a second chance. He bites his lip, “and…and do you want me to leave?” He asks, unsure of where you are going with this. If you’re trying to let him down gently.

“Do you want to leave?” You want the truth, but you know it, deep down in your soul. 

“I don’t, omega.” Jack promises you. “I want to stay here with you and our little Angel.” 

It’s the answer you want and you know that he’s not lying, he wants to stay. “I- I’m not recovered yet.” You venture softly. “So I understand if you don’t want to be in my nest.” He hadn’t come into your room unless Ella needed something and then it’s only been once since you’ve been home. “But you could if you wanted to.”

Jack is taken back, certain that you were going to kick him out and when you don’t, he’s relieved. His heart thumping and he comes closer to you, leaning down to drop a kiss onto your forehead. “I want that. I want to be there for you, omega. I want to be yours.” He promises, leaning back to look at you with sincerity in his eyes.

“Okay.” You nod, your heart swelling and the ache that has been so present, starts to slowly go away. You know it won’t be fully gone until he touches you, but it’s barely noticeable. “I want to be yours, alpha.” You admit shyly.

He wants to scream with relief. The last week has been difficult for him, feeling the ache you’ve been feeling being separated from you. Accepting the bond has led to him having a dull ache and he wants to hold you. “Good.” He says after he clears his throat, cradling Ella still. “I’ll come back to your nest.”

“When she- “ you pause and then decide to continue your suggestion. “When Ella goes down for her nap, do you want to curl up with me? Sleep? I know you are tired.” You look over at him and bite your lip. “We can have our own nap.”

Jack nods, shifting to sit down at the kitchen table, watching you eat and he’s happy that you are eating again. After you eat, he slides Ella into your arms so he can clear up and soon enough, it’s time for Ella’s nap. He gives her her bottle and changes her before he lays her down. Grabbing the monitor, he follows you into your bedroom - his bedroom - and stays back as he waits for you to make the first move.

Your nest has been cleaned since giving birth, all the bedding changed out and it doesn’t smell like Jack anymore. Something that you had missed, even though you tried to deny it. “It is comfortable but I can make it bigger if you need some space away from me.” You offer, not wanting him to feel like he has to be pressed up against you. Your bed is large, but the nest of blankets and pillows makes the space feel crowded.

Jack shakes his head, “no baby. Let’s take a nap. I want to feel you, I want to smell you.” He says and you nod, shifting to lay down on the bed. He lays down beside you, curling around you and he nuzzles his nose into your neck.

You whine happily, feeling your body relax for the first time in months. Since the last time that he had been in your nest. You reach for his hands and cover them with your own. “Please be here when I wake up, alpha.” You murmur sleepily.

“Always.” He vows softly. Jack holds you as you fall asleep, wanting to comfort you and keep you safe. He closes his eyes and breathes you in, happy to be in your nest after he doesn’t deserve this because of the way he treated you.

It’s probably the best sleep you’ve had in a long time, in fact, you know it is. You sleep hard, aware that your alpha is tucked around you and his own pheromones have changed from slightly distressed to pure happiness and calm. Weaving through your own senses and making your omega purr happily as you soak up the scent of him. Both of you sleep, as long as you can until Ella cries break through the fog of sleep and you open your eyes.

Jack kisses your hair, “I’ve got her. Go back to sleep.” He rasps, shifting away from you to fetch Ella. He has stepped up and he plans to keep doing so, he just hopes that you allow him to keep being there for you and your daughter. 

**** 

“Jack!” You cry, stomach aching and Jack knows what this is. He’s been anticipating it and you haven’t discussed what you want to do. 

“Omega.” He murmurs, keeping his distance from you even though he desperately wants to touch you. “I need - you gotta tell me what you want.” He orders, needing to hear you say what you want.

You whimper and you know what you want. What you need. “Alpha.” You beg softly. “I need you. Please.” You are completely recovered from Ella’s birth and it will be the first time that he has touched you since then.

Jack hesitates but you whine his name and he crumbles. He nods, shifting closer to your best. Ella is napping and he knows he will have to balance caring for you and for Ella during your heat. He wastes no time stripping down, shifting to kneel on the bed he’s been sharing with you. “Tell me what you want.” He demands, wanting to please you.

“You.” You squirm in anticipation, needing the rough, yet tender approach to fulfilling your needs that Jack gives you. “Just you, I want- I need - your knot stretching me out.”

He can’t deny you anything. He nods and shifts closer, pushing your legs wide and he caresses your thighs, positioning himself between them and he leans down to capture your lips with his, wanting this to be soft and sweet. His heart pounds in his chest and his fingers find your clit, rubbing soft circles.

Your eyes flutter closed and you moan into his mouth. Your body is already responding to his scent and the nimbleness of his fingers as they work your clit. “Alpha.” You whine softly and your hips push up into his hand.

Jack groans at how wet you are, loving how you need him like this. He never imagined he’d have this again and it makes him throb. His fingers slide lower to push inside of you, scissoring to open you up for him and his thumb presses against your clit while he kisses along your throat.

You moan softly, your omega preening under the attention. Cunt clenching down around him. You curl your fingers around the bedding of your nest and hold on tight. “Alpha, so good.”

His tongue lathes over your scent gland, inhaling you deeply, and he loves how you feel and sound. “God, I fuckin’ love you, baby.” He murmurs, knowing it’s true. He does love you and he nearly lost it all because he’s an idiot who refused to seek help for his trauma. It nearly cost him everything. His fingers continue working inside of you, wanting you to cum like this.

Your eyes close, absorbing the feeling of his admission. Enjoying the sound of it and feeling the emotions linger in the air through his scent. Feeling how much he loves you, the need in his touch. He needs you as much as you need him. Turning your head, you blindly kiss along his cheek as he continues to push your body towards the first orgasm of your heat. “I love you, alpha.”

Your confession makes his heart clench and he loves it, he wants to hear you say it again and again. “Fuck, baby. Yes. I love you. You gonna be a good girl and cum for me?” He asks, pushing his fingers a little deeper inside of you. “You gonna cum, omega?” He murmurs, turning his head to kiss your lips.

“Yes, yes, I’m gonna cum.” You gasp out, your body shaking in pleasure and the next curl of his fingers deep inside you makes your orgasm slam through you. Crying out his name, your cunt gushes around his fingers and the pleasure fires through every nerve ending in your body as waves of pheromones waft out of your pores, signaling your satisfaction.

Jack works you through it, loving the way your scent is saturated with lust and love. Its intoxicating and he groans your name, withdrawing his fingers to push them into his mouth. “So fucking perfect.” He groans and leans in to press his lips to yours. “I love you.” He murmurs, shifting to grip his cock in his fingers.

Reaching down, you bat his fingers away and replace them with your own. Enjoying the way that he groans into your mouth when you squeeze him and start to slowly stroke his cock as he lines up to your wet cunt. "Please make me yours, alpha." You beg quietly. "I need you to make me yours."

He knows you are giving yourself to him now, all of you, voluntarily, and he loves that. He can't believe he gets to have you like this. He nudges his nose against yours before he starts to slowly push inside of you. "Fuck omega, my omega." He murmurs, eyes closed as he savors the wet heat surrounding his cock.

The fear, the pain of the past year seems to just melt away as he slides inside you. "Alpha." You moan, wrapping your legs around him and pulling him closer so that he is fully seated inside you. The burn, the stretch is exactly what you wanted and you love it.

"Fuckkkk darlin'" He groans, low and raspy as he pulls back to look down at you. So fucking beautiful and all his. He can't believe you are his, that you want him. He could die happy right here. He kisses your chin, giving you a moment to adjust to him and he kisses your jaw.

"I want to stay right here forever." You whimper, smiling as you enjoy the weight of him on top of you. "I love your cock inside me, alpha." You admit, tightening your thighs around him.

"It's your cock, baby girl." He promises, starting to rock his hips and move inside of you. "I love you darlin'" He murmurs, reaching down to grip your thigh so he can push deeper inside of you. His pace is slow but he can feel you getting needier so he starts to rock a little faster until he's got a deep, quick pace.

Your heat doesn’t seem to be burning through you this time, unable to be satiated. It has to be because your alpha is here, taking care of you. His lips press against your scent gland where his mark is still displayed. “Fuck. Baby. So good.” You moan, rolling your hips up to meet his thrusts.

He caresses every inch of your skin that he can reach, ducking his head down to take your nipple into his mouth and he sucks on it as his cock moves inside of you.

Instead of being furious and deep, every roll of his hips takes its sweet time. Like he has all the time in the world. Making love to you rather than just fulfilling your needs during a heat. You moan his name softly, the sound filling your nest and you cling to him as he takes your body and makes it sing for him.

The normally frantic breeding that occurs during a heat is slowed down so he can show you how he feels. He rocks into you, lowering his hips so he can angle his pelvis to rub against your clit with every roll of his hips. “I - fuck - you feel so good, omega. Need my baby to cum again for me.” Jack pleads, kissing along your neck.

You whine and nod as he continues his slow and steady decimation of your cunt. Filling you thoroughly over and over again while he groans your name and then your designation. "Alpha." you whimper, feeling the coil in your belly pull tighter and start to fray. "Gonna cum."

“Good girl. That’s it. Cum for me. Soak my cock like a good omega. My girl, my beautiful girl.” He groans, feeling you clamp down on his cock and you throw your head back as you cum, making him surge forward to sink his teeth into your gland again, wanting to claim you again.

Your cry is loud, ringing out when he sinks his teeth into your gland. “Jack! Fuck, alpha, I’m yours, I’m yours.” You chant, riding out your high and shuddering in pleasure.

Jack withdraws his teeth, licking over the wound, and he rocks his hips harder and faster, the urge to claim you in every way overwhelming him as he fucks into you. “Love you baby girl. Fuck. I’m gonna-” His knot swells and he thrusts a half dozen times before he’s pushing deep inside of you until he’s painting your walls with his hot cum.

There is something primal about feeling his seed flood your womb again, his knot keeping it inside you. Your cunt clenches around him and makes it feel even better, prompting another orgasm as he pumps you full. Stroking his face, you moan again and again. "Alpha, oh my alpha, I love you."

Jack shifts onto his back, bringing you with him to lay on his chest and he caresses your spine. “I love you too, darlin’” He murmurs, closing his eyes and he feels like he’s home. “I don’t ever wanna lose you.” He confesses, “I ain’t gonna walk away again. I’m here forever.” He promises you.

You close your eyes and sigh happily, snuggling deeper into his arms and breathing him in. “I love you too, Jack. Alpha.” You murmur softly. “I’m glad you want to stay. I need you. Always.”

Jack kisses your hair, knowing that nothing is going to drag him away from you. He loves you more than life itself and he won’t leave again. He’s going to continue seeing his therapist and he wants to be a better man for his family, a better alpha for his omega. You once asked him if he regrets bonding with you and he said no, he means that. He could never regret finding happiness again, even if it took him a while to figure it out.

[velvetvexations]

Hi there! I'm a trans man who's been taking T for about 3 years now, and I wanted to share some insights for your friend.

1: About the risks of heart issues and other health concerns. Is there a risk? Yes. But it's the exact same amount of risk that AMABs are born with. I've noticed an elevated red blood cell count for me personally, but it's never been a dangerous amount and really just means it's a good idea for me to donate blood and share that extra!

2: In terms of the mental or emotional changes, it won't make you any more aggressive or emotional on its own. However, I notice when I don't take my T consistently that it does worsen my depression, so if you do start taking T make sure you take it when you're supposed to, and be aware if you decide to stop taking for a while that might affect your moods. Other than that, the biggest change to my mood was confidence. I wasn't as "quiet/shy" because I liked how I sounded when I spoke. I was more willing to go out and leave the house because I liked how I looked <3

3: The changes that come and how quickly they come are going to be different for everyone, but a good way to figure out how it will affect you is to consider your genetics and family medical history. For example, I was concerned about hair loss or a receded hairline, and was advised to look at the hair patterns of men on my mother's side of the family to get an idea of what that would look like.

4: Know that you have options, and never be afraid to advocate for yourself. Injections don't have to be your only option. I tried them for a year before deciding it wasn't right for me, that using the needles for myself was too anxiety inducing. So I switched to a daily gel I rub on my arms in the morning. There will be a plan that's right for your needs, your comfort, and your budget. I know it's scary asking these questions, but asking questions is the best way to find what's going to work for you!

Thank you! Here are some other anons who sent in about this:

Trans guy on T here, i get 1000mg of it injected intramuscularly by a nurse every 3 months, with regular blood tests to monitor it, as directed by both my regular GP and endocrinologist who authorised my prescription, iv been on HRT for over 4 years now. some info: - in my experience, my periods ceased entirely within a few months, i grew facial hair and more body hair, my voice dropped and experienced clitoral growth. some of these things are permenant and some would revert if i were to stop taking hormones. i have had no major (or even minor) health changes in this time but obviously if it happens it happens. - also about libido, iv always been asexual even before i started T so, nothing changed for me there. Again, im not some kind of difinitive trans guy, everyone will havw different results. Just keep in mind that sexuality is a spectrum and is fluid, as long as you remain respectful of your sexual and romantic partners and be mature, youre not going to become some kind of hypersexual monster. - taking masculanising hormones IS NOT effective birth control, if you have a functuoning uterus then you need to still practice safe sex. If you intend on having children, then you need to consider that if/when you begin treatment because it would be a notable factor in your success rate there. obviously by doing anything to effect your homones has its risks, you need to be careful about it, have regular checkups if you can. honestly i have no experience in self administering testosterone so i cant advise you do that, but if thats your only option then please make sure you do your own thorough research to ensure your safety. if youre taking masculanising hormones, everyones experience will differ as with any medication, but this has been proven for decades now to be an effective and safe treatment for gender dysphoria (honestly tho imo wanting to transition shouldn't nessesarily be pathologised like that). any risks may be present, but not more so than cis men. As long as youre taking care of your general health it shouldnt be a concern. this kind of shit gave me a bit of concern before i started hormones, so i get it, but doing a bit of research will quickly reveal that a lot of it is overblown and exaggerated by TERFs and other stupid pundits. If you're considering taking hormones of any kind, id reccomend seeking a general practitioner who is specifically knowledgeable about HRT, they will walk you through any associated risks and answer any questions you have before deciding if its the right option for you. good luck and be safe out there!

yooo velvet, 1000mg T guy again just adding some extra info i thought of - if you care about ur boobs then they might lose a little bit of "volume" i guess if you go on T, this is just part of fat redistribution, which can happen to some folk. medically this isnt a concern but for aesthetic reasons its relevant. - if ur into working out, you might find that you build muscle a lot easier, on the flipside you may find yourself with more of an appetite to control. so if you have issues or concerns in either of those departments then make sure you consider that too and figure out a plan. - honestly the worst risk for me personally is that i am now at risk of male pattern baldness i suppose. this doesn't happen to everyone and ur genetics will determine if it happens to you. theres lots of modern ways to retain your hair or prevent it from falling out too, and of course there are hairpieces or you could just own the cueball look too haha. (quick tip, if possible, check CIS MALE members of your family belonging to the MATERNAL half of your family tree, the gene for MPB is passed down your biological mother's side) - T can come in lots of forms if you dont like needles. you can get it in patches or pills too. Personally, i have no experience with these methods so youll need to look into it urself or ask ur doctor for help. you can also vary the dose of it too, you cant really pick and choose what effects you get by taking T but you can control their development to some extent. also of course if you decide after the fact that it isnt right for you, you can choose not to continue (bear in mind that some changes from T are "permenant", maybe ask some of your transfem friends for tips to overcome them, voice training, makeup tips, etc) basically though, dont take advice from people who have a political interest in silencing you. also im an anonymous voice on tumblr, dont take my word for this shit at face value. by all means use it as a jumping off point but make sure you look into it urself with research from credible sources and actual doctors who can attend to your needs personally. anecdotal from T users like myself are good but they shouldn't be your only source of info.

TMI but the only bad thing that happened to me cuz of T is my dick being unbearably itchy for a few days every so often

for that anon asking about T: i'm a trans guy whos been on T since 2019 and it did not cause unstable emotions in me at all. if anything, it made my emotions MORE stable because a lack of hormonal dysphoria meant that suddenly i was able to cope with the more unpleasant shit in life because i didnt have that background noise of hormonal dysphoria constantly making me a little bit miserable at all goddamn times. the idea that testosterone makes you unstable is just gender essentialist terf nonsense.

[ploncc]

The A-Sexy Talk

sup mothers and fuckers, i always wanted something more comprehensive than the cake metaphors and it took me like a whole ass decade to work this out because i was assigned dumbass at birth, so for all the other adab folks out there, here:

disclaimer: this is just one way of breaking down sex and sexuality, and our definitions of asexuality are likely to change with different contexts, and that's okay

Sex (for the purpose of this discussion) is the action. Solo play, getting pounded, frottage, oral, whatever, wherever, with whomever, we don't care. Sex is all of it, baby.

Arousal is a state your body can be in. Your heart rate goes up, if you were online in the superwholock days then you know those damn pupils dilate, you might start feeling warm, and you might get wet, get a boner, or both, or neither, depending on what the normal for your junk is!

Libido or sex-drive is how often/much you want sexual stimulation. This might be very frequently and A LOT. This might be occasionally, or only a little. This might be never.

Consent isn't an inherently sexual topic. Consent is when someone agrees to specific activity/activities with another person/people. A lot of places have an age of consent, over which you can consent to medical treatment, legal contracts, and yeah, sex. And just like consent is integral to medical treatment and signing contracts, sex has to have consent.

Sexual Attraction is when you want to engage sexually with someone, even if you wouldn't should you ever have the opportunity. Sometimes we call it desire, or lust. A lot of times it's based off physical appearance, or vibes, or personality. This can overlap a lot with arousal, but sometimes someone you feel sexual attraction towards won't be that arousing, and sometimes the opposite is true.

Sensual Attraction is when you want to engage with someone using your senses. Usually this refers to the sense of touch. Ever look at someone and go "Damn, I bet they'd give wicked awesome hugs," or "Fucking hell, their voice, I could listen to them all day," or "I just want to feel that person's body close to mine," or similar? That's sensual attraction, baby! Similarly to sexual attraction, just because you're sensually attracted doesn't mean you'd physically engage with the person if given the opportunity.

Romantic Attraction is when you want to engage with someone romantically. I feel like you're getting the pattern now, yeah? Yeah. Cool.

Sexual Pleasure or sometimes just pleasure is when you feel good from sexual stimulation. Straightforward for once. Nice, right?

Kink is something we culturally defined as being not inherently sexual (or not sexual to that degree) that gives arousal and/or pleasure to someone nonetheless. Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me, BDSM, fear play, fetishes, all that good shit. We also refer to the kink community and engaging in play as just simply "kink" sometimes.

And last, not but not least, Abstinence is when someone abstains (see what they did there) from sex for practical reasons. Injuries, disease prevention, an unavailability of safe and reliable birth control, stuff like that. Celibacy is similar, but folks that are celibate are abstaining from sex for religious/moral code reasons. Get it? Good.

Okay.

So.

Asexuality is when someone does not experience sexual attraction.

That's it!

An asexual person (an ace) might have any range of libido, might experience arousal, can give consent so long as they are above the age of consent, might experience different forms of attractions like sensual attraction or romantic attraction (or even attractions that we didn't cover here), may or may not have practical/religious reasons for engaging or not engaging in sex, might have kinks, and can (if they so choose to) have sex.

That's all there is to it! The same depth and breadth of experience that exists outside the ace community is also found within the ace community, because individual variation doesn't give a shit whether your population is queer or not.

"But wait!" someone cries out, "what about people that hate sex! I thought they were called asexual?!"

That's called being Sex Repulsed and it is also a normal experience for humans to have! Sometimes it's caused by trauma or something else, and sometimes it isn't. But as you'd think, feeling extreme discomfort/disgust/repulsion at the idea of sex and/or the act of it means the likelihood of feeling sexual attraction is pretty fucking low. Not impossible! Just low. So yeah, a lot of sex repulsed folks are a part of the ace community, are vital to our history and culture, and are loved by us. And, not all aces are sex-repulsed.

Makes sense?

....hopefully?

Cool.

[faeriekit]

I have now seen Waitress (the musical)(the movie). These are my conclusions, spoilers included:

Kind of lame to hype up the baking contest for the whole movie and then have it not matter. I get the thematic sense of having a baby disrupt any and all of your plans, but hey. I was excited about that.

SHE JUST HAD A BABY. WHY IS SHE STANDING?? SIT DOWN. HAVE SOMEONE ELSE BRING THE BASSINET TO YOU. STOP STANDING AND MONOLOGUING.

I get that you want to break off your affair with your married OBGYN boyfriend, but um. Who's going to do your postpartum care. I think you still need him. That's kind of important. Who is going to do your postpartum monitoring now?? Hello?? Please don't bleed out I'm begging girl you just broke up with your abusive husband PLEASE DONT LET THIS BE THE HILL YOU DIE ON

I think it was extremely valid of Dawn and Ogie to have nasty American Revolution roleplay sex on a trans-inclusive American pride flag. I presume it was just to avoid breaking the flag code in some legal manner but also. work 🫡

Two and a half hours is too long not to have an intermission. I had to fake a pee break I'm sorry I can't DO this 😭😭

I watched this with a bunch of middle age women (hi auntie, hi auntie's friends) and after the movie everyone went 🤨 "why was she standing?? Who's going to do her post birth care?? They took the plot device away with her hospital set bed I was worried they lost it" lol. It was deeply validating

There was an eight year old in the theater. Whatever the rating for this movie was, it needed to be bumped way the fuck up for how much simulated pie-themed sex was in this movie.

The woman who played Becky 🥺🥺❤️❤️ her tooth gap up front ❤️❤️🥺❤️ the bic pen in her hair ❤️❤️

I like how the songs were packed in tight enough that most of the narrative happened through them rather than around them. The music wasn't reinforcing, it was structural. As someone who can't usually find movies...bearable...it made the whole experience a lot easier for me.

*upon seeing a brand new baby* "I love you so much, I love your baby, I'm so sorry I gotta go I'm double parked in the hospital lot. Love you!!!" <- the most realistic medical writing I've seen this whole movie.

[starsomens]

IMAGINE IMAGINE

a home birth with Noah 🥹like instead of doing the hospital you both agree that doing it at home would be better, more peaceful and just overall a better birth experience for you.

Noah like we’ve said is super observant and knows that the hospital isn’t the best when it comes to listen to how women want to give birth aside from in their backs (this isn’t prove by facts I’m sure many hospitals do listen to women just go with it)

And yes I am convinced Noah researched different methods and positions for birth and what would make it safer and easier for you. And what’s more safe than at home with him? He will invest into EVERYTHING. A pool, the best most experienced doula/mid wife, supplies, an extra bed in case

EVERYTHING

I feel like he’s also the type to be the first to spot things before you. Like when you have a contraction and think “oh it’s just a cramp, or they’re just stretching”

“Yea the cramp, lasted about 3 minutes. You’re in labor mama” and he’d come and pet your belly like a dad does to the dog

Ans he was right🧍🏽‍♀️ you’re in early labor. He’s got the doula on hold and let her know you started early but still too early for her to come. I think he’s the type to document it because it’s such an intimate experience. Not graphically but like candid shots definitely

At first you were both joking about it and watching your stomach stretch and timing it and going “that was different that time” they were too bad at the start. But after a couple of hours he noticed it was starting to get to the part no one rlly liked. The one where pain was too much to ignore, when you had to really focus on it cuz it was intense. The part where he had to be your rock and hold you and support you.

Between contractions he tried to get you to sleep to have some kind of rest even though you weren’t really getting any.

So now it’s his role to step up and be your support physically, emotionally and mentally. He knows birth can take a toll on women in more ways then one and who was he not to support and be there for you???

On top of that no medication, you both went into this knowing you wouldn't have the option for epidural.

“Squeeze my hand baby you got this”

“Where do you need me?”

“You want me to just hold you?”

“Breathe in…and out baby. Good just like that”

“You’re almost dome princess. Almost there”

You both agreed on a water delivery so he had gotten you the best most expensive pool possible. By the time the doula got there you had been in active labor for about 4’hours now. She did be usual check up for heart rate and dilation, you were only at 3 cm at that moment do you had some ways to go.

He’d would walk around the house with you, hand your hands while you used the yoga ball or tried to distract you with some singing, which at one point worked very well. After some strong waves he’d wipe you tears away and give you some water

“I know princess, but you did so good. So strong” he knew his words could have only so much effect on the situation but he was doing everything he was able to do for you. He helps get you in the pool and used a small towel to wash warm water down your back.

“We’re super close babe…what do you think it’s gonna be?” You wanted the sex to be a surprise and you were back and forth with old wives tales

“Mm, I’m still thinking it’s a boy” you said letting your head rest on the edge of the inflatable pool

“Really a Boy? I thought you would have wanted another copy of yourself” he smiles

“A copy of you would be so cute though” you try and smile

“But a copy of you would be perfect. Either way, I’m just so happy they’re finally coming”

Then it’s time for the hardest part 🙃

"Ready baby...push..you got it 1..2..3..4.."

"That was a good push baby, good job"

"I gotchu, I'm right here baby. Good, good..you're doing so good"

Doesn't care about the screaming and if anything he encourages you to while you push. Is very surprised and kinds scared at the grip you had on his hand, but that was the least of his worries.

Entire labor took about 8 hours and ended by the night with about 5 pushes and now you had a beautiful baby boy. lots of crying, Noah cant stop kissing and thanking you. He's just watching you be a mom and he can't look away and he can't wipe the smile off his face.

"He's so perfect princess, he's got your nose"

While he was being weighed and measured Noah helped you get out of the tub and into the shower. He helped get you cleaned up and dressed. After your son was cleaned and swaddled he was brought to you both for some skin to skin and feeding.

It was so intimate, you weren't rushed and didn't have doctors interrupting every hour or so

"You did so good princess...he's perfect "

"Well you were here too, and you did great supporting me. Thank you" you look up at him

"I am at your beck and call, but really you did all the hard work. I'm so proud of you"

[answersfromzestual]

Information on Testosterone Hormone Therapy:

As you prepare to begin treatment, now is a great time to think through what your goals are, as the approach to hormone therapy is definitely not one-size-fits-all.

Do you want to get started right away on a path to the maximum safe effects? Or, do you want to begin at a lower dose and allow things to progress more slowly? Perhaps your long term goal is to seek less-than-maximal effects and you would like to remain on a low dose for the long term. Thinking about your goals will help you communicate more effectively with your medical provider (an endocrinologist is the best way) as you work together to map out your care plan.

Many people are eager for hormonal changes to take place rapidly- understandably so. But it's very important to remember that the extent of, and rate at which your changes take place, depend on many factors. These factors include your genetics, the age at which you start taking hormones, and your overall state of health.

Consider the effects of hormone therapy as a second puberty, and puberty normally takes years for the full effects to be seen. Taking higher doses of hormones will not necessarily bring about faster changes, but it could endanger your health. And because everyone is different, your medicines or dosages may vary widely from those of your friends, or what you may have read in books or in online forums. Use caution when reading about hormone regimens that promise specific, rapid, or drastic effects. While it is possible to make adjustments in medications and dosing to achieve certain specific goals, in large part the way your body changes in response to hormones is more dependent on genetics and the age at which you start, rather than the specific dose, route, frequency, or types of medications you are taking.

While I will speak about the approach to hormone therapy in transgender men, my comments are also applicable to non-binary people who were assigned female at birth and are seeking masculinizing hormone therapy.

There are four areas where you can expect changes to occur as your hormone therapy progresses: Physical, emotional, sexual, and reproductive.

Physical

The first physical changes you will probably notice are that your skin will become a bit thicker and more oily. Your pores will become larger and there will be more oil production. You’ll also notice that the odors of your sweat and urine will change and that you may sweat more overall. You may develop acne, which in some cases can be bothersome or severe, but usually can be managed with good skin care practices and common acne treatments. Some people may require prescription medications to manage acne, please discuss this with your provider. Generally, acne severity peaks during the first year of treatment, and then gradually improves. Acne may be minimized by using an appropriate dosing of testosterone that avoids excessively high levels.

Your chest will not change much in response to testosterone therapy. That said, surgeons often recommend waiting at least 6-12 months after the start of testosterone therapy before having masculinizing chest surgery, otherwise known as top surgery, in order to first allow the contours of the muscles and soft tissues of your chest wall to settle in to their new pattern.

Your body will begin to redistribute your weight. Fat will diminish somewhat around your hips and thighs. Your arms and legs will develop more muscle definition, with more prominent veins and a slightly rougher appearance, as the fat just beneath the skin becomes a bit thinner. You may also gain fat around your abdomen.

Your eyes and face will begin to develop a more angular, male appearance as facial fat decreases and shifts. Please note that it’s not likely your bone structure will change, though some people in their late teens or early twenties may see some subtle bone changes. It may take 2 or more years to see the final result of the facial changes.

Your muscle mass will increase, as will your strength, although this will depend on a variety of factors including diet and exercise. Overall, you may gain or lose weight once you begin hormone therapy, depending on your diet, lifestyle, genetics and muscle mass.

Testosterone will cause a thickening of the vocal chords, which will result in a more male-sounding voice. Not all trans men will experience a full deepening of the pitch of their voice with testosterone, however. Some may find that practicing various vocal techniques or working with a speech therapist may help them develop a voice that feels more comfortable and fitting. Voice changes may begin within just a few weeks of beginning testosterone, first with a scratchy sensation in the throat or feeling like you are hoarse. Next your voice may break a bit as it finds its new tone and quality.

The hair on your body, including your chest, back and arms will increase in thickness, become darker and will grow at a faster rate. You may expect to develop a pattern of body hair similar to other men in your family—just remember, though, that everyone is different and it can take 5 or more years to see the final results.

Regarding the hair on your head: most trans men notice some degree of frontal scalp hair thinning, especially in the area of your temples. Depending on your age and family history, you may develop thinning hair, male pattern baldness or even complete hair loss. Approaches to managing hair loss in trans men is the same as with cisgender men; treatments can include the partial testosterone blocker finasteride, minoxidil, which is also known as Rogaine, applied to the scalp, and hair transplantation. As with cis men, unfortunately there is no way to completely prevent male pattern baldness in those predisposed to develop this condition. Ask your provider for more information on strategies for managing hair loss.

Regarding facial hair, beards vary from person to person. Some people develop a thick beard quite rapidly, others take several years, while some never develop a full, thick beard. Just as with cisgender men, trans men may have varying degrees of facial hair thickness and develop it at varying ages. Those who start testosterone later in life may experience less overall facial hair development than those who start at younger ages.

Lastly, you may notice changes in your perception of the senses. For example, when you touch things, they may “feel different” and you may perceive pain and temperature differently. Your tastes in foods or scents may change.

Emotional state changes

The second area of impact of hormone therapy is on your emotional state.

Puberty is a roller coaster of emotions and the second puberty that you will experience during your transition is no exception. You may find that you have access to a narrower range of emotions or feelings, or have different interests, tastes or pastimes, or behave differently in relationships with other people. For most people, things usually settle down after a period time. Some people experience little or no change in their emotional state. I encourage you to take the time to learn new things about yourself, and sit with new or unfamiliar feelings and emotions while you explore and familiarize yourself with them. While psychotherapy is not for everyone, many people find that working with a therapist while in transition can help you to explore these new thoughts and feelings, get to know your new body and self, and help you with things like coming out to family, friends, or coworkers, and developing a greater level of self-love and acceptance.

Sexual changes

The third area of impact of hormone therapy is on your sexuality

Soon after beginning hormone treatment, you will likely notice a change in your libido. Quite rapidly, your genitals, especially your clitoris, will begin to grow and become even larger when you are aroused. You may find that different sex acts or different parts of your body bring you erotic pleasure. Your orgasms will feel different, with perhaps more peak intensity and a greater focus on your genitals rather than a whole body experience. Some people find that their sexual interests, attractions, or orientation may change when taking testosterone; it is best to explore these new feelings rather than keep them bottled up.

Don’t be afraid to explore and experiment with your new sexuality through masturbation and with sex toys. If you have a sex partner or partners, involve them in your explorations..

Reproductive system changes

The fourth area of impact of hormone therapy is on the reproductive system.

You may notice at first that your periods become lighter, arrive later, or are shorter in duration, though some may notice heavier or longer lasting periods for a few cycles before they stop altogether.

Testosterone may reduce your ability to become pregnant but it does not completely eliminate the risk of pregnancy. Transgender men can become pregnant while on testosterone, so if you remain sexually active with someone who is capable of producing sperm, you should always use a method of birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancy. Transgender men may use any form of contraception, including the numerous options available that do not contain estrogen, and some that contain no hormones at all. There are many contraception options that are long acting and do not require taking a daily pill. Transgender men may also use emergency contraception, also known as the “morning after pill”. Ask your medical provider for more information on the contraceptive and family planning options available to you.

If you suspect you may have become pregnant or have a positive pregnancy test while taking testosterone, speak with you provider as soon as possible, as testosterone can endanger the fetus.

If you do want to have a pregnancy, you’ll have to stop testosterone treatment and wait until your provider tells you that it’s okay to begin trying to conceive.

It’s also important to know that, depending on how long you’ve been on testosterone therapy, it may become difficult for your ovaries to release eggs, and you may need to consult with a fertility specialist and use special medications or techniques, such as in vitro fertilization, to become pregnant. These treatments are not always covered by insurance, and can be expensive. Uncommonly, testosterone therapy may cause you to completely lose the ability to create fertile eggs or become pregnant.

Risks

While cisgender men do have higher rates of cholesterol related disorders and heart disease than cisgender women, the available research on transgender men taking testosterone has generally not found these differences. Most of the research on risk of heart disease and strokes in transgender men suggests that risk does not increase once testosterone is begun. However, longer term, definitive studies are lacking. It has been suggested that the risk of other conditions such as diabetes or being overweight is increased by masculinizing testosterone therapy, however actual research supporting these claims are limited.

One known risk is that testosterone can make your blood become too thick, otherwise known as a high hematocrit count, which can cause a stroke, heart attack or other conditions. This can be a particular problem if you are taking a dose that is too high for your body’s metabolism. This can be prevented by maintaining an appropriate dose and through blood tests to monitor blood and hormone levels.

While available data are limited, it does not appear that testosterone increases the risk of cancer to the uterus, ovaries, or breasts. Because not all breast tissue is removed during masculinizing chest surgery, otherwise known as top surgery, there is a theoretical risk that breast cancer could develop in the remaining tissue. However, it can be difficult to screen for breast cancer in this tissue, and there are risks of a false positive test result. Your provider can give you more information about breast cancer screening after top surgery.

Cervical cancer is caused by an infection with the human papillomavirus, or HPV. HPV is transmitted sexually, more commonly by having sexual contact with someone who has a penis. However, people who have never had sexual contact with a penis may still contract an HPV infection. The HPV vaccine can greatly reduce your risk of cervical cancer, and you may want to discuss this with your provider. Pap smears are used to detect cervical cancer or precancer conditions, as well as an HPV infection. Your provider will make a recommendation as to how often you should have a pap smear. It is unclear if testosterone therapy plays any role in HPV infection or cervical cancer.

If your periods have stopped because of testosterone treatment, be sure to report any return of bleeding or spotting to your provider, who may request an ultrasound or other tests to be certain the bleeding isn’t a symptom of an imbalance of the lining of the uterus. Sometimes such an imbalance could lead to a precancerous condition, although this is rare in transgender men. Missing a dose or changing your dose can sometimes result in return of bleeding or spotting. Some men may experience a return of spotting or heavier bleeding after months or even years of testosterone treatment. In most cases this represents changes in the body’s metabolism over time. To be safe, always discuss any new or changes to bleeding patterns with your doctor.

Fortunately, since you do not have a prostate, you have no risk of prostate cancer and there is no need to screen for this condition.

If you have had your ovaries removed, it is important to remain on at least a low dose of hormones post-op until at minimum age 50. This will help prevent a weakening of the bones, otherwise known as osteoporosis, , which can result in serious and disabling bone fractures.

Most people using masculinizing testosterone therapy will experience at least a small amount of acne. Some may experience more advanced acne. Often this acne responds to typical over-the-counter treatments, but in some cases prescription medication may be required. Acne usually peaks within the first year of treatment and then begins to improve.

While gender affirming hormone therapy usually results in an improvement in mood, some people may experience mood swings or a worsening of anxiety, depression, or other mental health conditions as a result of the shifts associated with starting a second puberty. If you have any mental health conditions it is recommended you remain in discussion with a mental health providers as you begin hormone therapy.

Other medical conditions may be impacted by gender affirming hormone therapy, though research is lacking. These include autoimmune conditions, which can sometimes improve or worsen with hormone shifts, and migraines, which often have a hormonal component. Ask your medical provider if you have further questions about the risks, health monitoring needs, and other long term considerations when taking hormone therapy.

Some of the effects of hormone therapy are reversible, if you stop taking them. The degree to which they can be reversed depends on how long you have been taking testosterone. Clitoral growth, facial hair growth, voice changes and male-pattern baldness are not reversible.

Testosterone treatment approaches

Testosterone comes in several forms. Injections are usually best given weekly to maintain even levels of testosterone in the blood. Studies have shown that using a smaller needle and injection by the subcutaneous, or under the skin, approach, is just as effective as the intramuscular approach, which involves a larger needle injecting deeper into the muscle. In addition to injections, there are gel and patches that can be applied to the skin daily. The gel is applied to skin and once dry, you can swim, shower, and have contact with others. The patch also allows swimming, showering, exercise, and contact with others. All of these forms work equally well when the dosing is adjusted to achieve the desired hormone levels, and the decision about which form to use should be based mostly on your preference.

Another option for testosterone is the use of pellets under the skin. These are inserted every few months via a minor in-office procedure. Ask your medical provider for more information about this approach.

Recently, an oral form of testosterone, taken as a pill twice daily, has been approved for use. There are potential risks of high blood pressure when taking this medication, so extra steps need to be taken to monitor your health if you choose to use this form of your testosterone. Ask your medical provider for more information about this approach.

Regardless of the type of testosterone you are taking, it’s important to know that taking more testosterone will not make your changes progress more quickly, but could cause serious side effects or complications. Excess testosterone can result in mood symptoms or irritability, bloating, pelvic cramping, or even a return of menstruation. High levels of testosterone also result in increased estrogen levels, as a percentage of all testosterone in the body is converted to estrogen. In general estrogen blocking medicines are not used as a part of masculinizing hormone therapy.

Other medications that may be used include progestagens, which are hormones similar to or identical to those made by the body to maintain a balance in the lining of the uterus. These hormones can be used in cases where periods continue after testosterone levels have been optimized. These hormones can cause mood swings, bloating, and other side effects, so it is recommended that you discuss these medications further with you provider if they are to be used.

Final thoughts

And finally, please remember that all of the changes associated with the puberty you’re about to experience can take years to develop. Starting hormone therapy in your 40s, 50s, or beyond may bring less drastic changes than one might see when beginning transition at a younger age, due to the accumulated lifetime exposure to estrogen, and declining responsiveness to hormone effects as one approaches the age of menopause. Once you have achieved male-range testosterone levels, taking higher doses won’t result in faster or more dramatic changes, however they can result in more side effects or complications.

Now that you have learned about the effects of masculinizing hormone therapy, as well as risks and specific medication options, the next step will be to speak with your provider about what approach is best for you.

Source

[jewish-sideblog]

I wanted to ask whether I should believe a specific news article (I think from The Independent), that said something about Israel giving Ethiopian women birth control without their consent, in the past. I had already seen a lot of discussion about Israel supposedly forcibly sterilizing Ethiopian women. But I had also seen posts debunking that and saying it was medical negligence rather than systemic forced sterilisation. But another article said something about how some activist had a letter from the Health Ministry of Israel praising the use of said birth control. And apparently that specific birth control was given only to Ethiopian women. So, I don't know if I should believe it or not as there is a lot of misinformation going around.

Reuters, my preferred news source for situations like this, does have an article written on the subject-- but I get an error when I try to access it. If you can access it, take it at face value over anything I say here. Because I can't access Reuters, I'm deferring to reporting from Forbes, Times of Israel, and Haaretz, which all corroborate the same story.

Back in 2013, it was revealed that Ethiopian immigrants to Israel in 2005 were sterilized using Depo-Provera, which is a long-acting but not permanent form of birth control. There doesn't seem to be any doubt that this happened, that it was reviewed by Israeli medical boards, and that it is no longer happening. As you've mentioned, the issue is trying to figure out whether this was intentional sterilization or if it was medical negligence.

It seems, based on available reporting on the subject, that this was medical negligence resulting from poor communication and xenophobic tendencies. Israeli medical personnel giving the sterilization shots worked for the Joint Distribution Committee, an American-based relief organization. JDC personnel were quoted saying they used Depo-Provera because it was a commonly used birth control in Ethiopia, that communication with Ethiopian women was difficult due to language barriers, that Ethiopian women were not directly singled out, and that Israeli medical personnel feared for the safety and comfort of women who had already given birth several times. Since 2013, the Israeli government has mandated that Ethiopian women not be issued birth control unless a translator can guarantee that they understand and consent to the risks.

The head of the JDC did receive a letter of commendation from the Israeli Health Ministry, as you've mentioned. It does praise a higher level of birth control use among JDC-treated Ethiopian women than other Ethiopian women in Israel. But I think the rates of use mentioned here are important. The letter says that usually, only 5% of Ethiopian immigrants in Israel used birth control, but at the JDC, 30% of Ethiopian women used birth control. The overall birth control usage rate for other women of African descent in Israel is about 70%. It seems to me like the Israeli government was praising the increase not because they were trying to prevent the pregnancies of Ethiopian women who wanted to give birth, but because rates of birth control usage among Ethiopian women were extremely low on average. They expected women who didn't want to give birth to go on birth control at higher rates, as long as they had adequate access to birth control options.

So... kind of. It's accurate to say that Israeli medical personnel didn't engage in adequate standards of care for an immigrant population, and that failure to uphold those standards of care led to health complications and a birth rate decline among the Ethiopian immigrant community in Israel. It's an indication that the Israeli medical field has racism and xenophobia issues to overcome. Most Western medical fields have to overcome similar challenges. But I don't think it's accurate to say that the Israeli government engaged in an intentional sterilization campaign against Ethiopians. Especially considering that an American-based non-profit seems to be responsible for most of the sterilizations and that the Israeli government put a quick stop to the practice once it was publicly revealed.

[partialbirthabortion]

I have a question about 3rd trimester abortions that I can’t find the answer to on Google!

When I had my baby, I had to be induced at 38 weeks for cholestasis. They tried multiple different induction methods for 36 hours, and my cervix barely ripened and I did not even kind of go into labor. I had misoprostol, cervidil, catheter balloon, and I got up to the max dose of pitocin. Eventually they gave me the option to keep trying or get a c-section. I happily opted for the c-section. My baby was never in distress and we were both 100% safe and healthy the entire time. It was a very non-emergent c-section.

I’m assuming part of why I couldn’t go into labor is that my body was in no way ready for it. The induction (and eventual c-section) was 100% medically indicated and things happened the way they needed to happen. No complaints here.

I guess I’m confused about why that wouldn’t happen during a late stage abortion. Does it happen? Are there people who never are able to go through cervical ripening or dilation? If an abortion is very late (I know someone who had to have one at like 37 weeks), doesn’t labor need to be induced? Can’t it just not happen? Does it ever not? Then what? Thank you!! :)

Hi there! I'm so happy to hear that you and your baby had a safe labor and birth experience, even with the failed induction attempts! I'm answering your question under a cut. To others: all the expected content warnings apply.

I think this is a super interesting and reasonable question to have! To be totally frank, this does not happen because there are just many, many more interventions available when the desired outcome is not a healthy mom and baby.

Late term abortions are typically done over four days, with mechanical dilation occurring over the first 72 hours (so twice as long your induction was attempted, primarily by chemical methods besides the foley catheter). The cervix is opened with increasingly large osmotic dilators (osmotic: they go in smaller, absorb your body fluid and expand over several hours) that are placed and replaced every 24 hours, in addition to being given the misoprostol/cervidil/mifepristone/pitocin etc used to induce normal labor. The cervix can be further opened by passing through metal dilating rods that would injure (maybe fatally!) a healthy fetus. Fetal death itself, which is induced before the first osmotic dilators are placed, also seems to contribute to preparing the body for labor.

In all honesty, the limiting safety factor for most induction interventions is baby, not mom. In addition to being able to use more physically forceful methods of dilation, different medications or doses of medications, etc, fetal delivery in a late term abortion doesn't have to occur intact. In many late term abortions, patients want remains to grieve and bury and this is definitely something that guides care, but the abortions later in pregnancy that I have assisted essentially never result in complete fetal remains. This means you do not need 10 full centimeters of dilation to get all tissue out.

I asked one of the attendings at work a similar question a few years ago and in 25 years of abortion care he personally had never seen an abortion performed via cesarean. There are certainly cases where fetal death has occurred or is likely to occur and a csection is performed (the zavanelli maneuver for example, when the head has passed through the cervix but the shoulders are unable to, so the head is reduced back into the uterus in anticipation of csection, has pretty poor survival rates for baby; if placenta is disengaging, a lot of times it is the only option to get mom out safely) but I think in planned abortion, it is either exceedingly rare or just doesn't happen.

[possumcollege]

Thoughts on Gendered Assessment of ADHD

I read a post this morning on the subject of medical conditions presenting differently in men and women. The main focus was on the presentation of heart attack and stroke, which do have documented, yet often overlooked differences between how they can manifest. That's important to understand and the post made its point well.

One thing that struck me as less than accurate was specifically the inclusion of ADHD as a condition that presents differently in women. It is a fact that ADHD is under-diagnosed in women. I'm not disputing that. What I think needs untangling is why it is under-diagnosed.

-

I want to acknowledge and apologize for my use of largely binary gender terminology. I don't like it but so much of the reading on the subject is based around cis/het people that is hard to escape. I'm sorry I don't have the proper shorthand to easily adjust my language here. All presentations and gender identities are valid, and all deserve the best possible care regardless of the terms we were assigned at birth.

I'm also not a doctor but most of us aren't and we still deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

-

ADHD has historically been under-diagnosed for a few reasons. ADHD is often erroneously thought of by laypeople as a behavioral disorder. Possibly one of the reasons its name reflects the way it is perceived rather than how it affects the patent. The popular image of ADHD is a male who is hyperactive, impulsive, twitchy, generally unfocused, and prone to risky behavior.

In many cultures these physical behaviors can be written off as boys being boys, up until they become disruptive or excessive or reach an age where these behaviors are considered more problematic. The bar for what is physically noticeable is higher for boys, and can lead to delayed diagnosis.

ADHD also has cognitive and emotional components that are not so easily observed. This physical vs. mental manifestation is the most commonly cited way that ADHD presents differently in women. I do not believe that is fully accurate, but I'm biased, as I'll elaborate on later.

Women do present these symptoms at comparable rates to men but they tend to go unnoticed for longer because girls are often socialized to be quiet, reserved, and deferential from a younger age than boys. Girls are discouraged from rowdy physicality because it's traditionally considered a masculine trait. Many cultures are simply more permissive of these behaviors in boys. Socialization obscures and encourages masking of physical symptoms in girls, and incidentally masks those symptoms in boys.

The invisible symptoms of ADHD are impaired executive function, struggles with working memory/multitasking, and emotional disregulation. These are too frequently considered side-effects of being a woman in many cultures. Being emotionally labile (changeable or easily affected) and distractable or flighty is "normal" in girls so it is less likely to be observed. The cultural conception of these as feminine traits also leads to them being actively discouraged and masked in boys. It doesn't help that disregulation often manifests as frustration or aggression which, again, is "normal" for boys and men well into adulthood. 😑 Socialization obscures and encourages masking of emotional symptoms in boys, and incidentally masks those symptoms in girls.

Some researchers believe that the deficiency of dopamine and delayed development of cognitive function contributes to overstimulation which can manifest as physical hyperactivity, mental/emotional hyperactivity or both. That internal hyperactivity compounds with the traditionally "inattentive" traits like impaired working memory and exec function. This is why we now have "combined-type" ADHD instead of it being a binary hyperactive or inattentive type. There is also research that considers ADHD to be part of a larger neurodivergent matrix that includes autistic traits but that's bigger thing than I wanted to get into here. What I am saying is that human brains are not that functionally different between men and women and most of the basis for believing they are radically different comes from the age of bloody eugenics.

So while the full range of ADHD symptoms present in both men and women, women are still proportionately considered less reliable in self-reporting of symptoms, and those symptoms are more likely to go unnoticed by others as they are actively suppressed from a younger age.

While men and women can have differing ADHD presentations, a clinician needs to be evaluating the symptoms and their impact on the individual patient without limiting their prognosis by assuming an inherent sex-specific presentation. It should not be appropriate for a doctor to definitively say, "You can't have ADHD because you don't have the symptoms as they present in men."

I feel very strongly about this because it's what happened to me. Those words are permanently etched in my brain because that is the phrase that delayed my own diagnosis and treatment for three years. In those three years I was prescribed over 8 different meds for depression and anxiety that did not treat my depression or anxiety AND gave me a whole parade of debilitating side effects. For three years my mental and emotional state spiraled out of control because I didn't have "Boy's ADHD."

I've struggled with the cognitive and emotional effects of ADHD my entire life. I wasn't particularly hyperactive in the traditional sense but I was anxious as fuck forever. I was considered inappropriately sensitive and emotional. I've never been a big risk taker but I do talk a lot and tend to mirror people around me. In short I didn't have the men's ADHD red flags but I have all of them from the women's list. A competent clinician in this era should be able to make that connection. I'm endlessly thankful that I found a doctor who did.

I always wonder if there's something to the fact that two cis male doctors wrote off ADHD completely but my first female psychiatrist was willing to order neuro-psych testing by the end of our first visit. It was clear to her while the previous doctors weren't willing to consider ADHD until they could "get the depression and anxiety out of the way." I get wanting to clear the imminent threat, then seeing if the mental symptoms improved but they were dismissive of my earliest ADHD concerns and bolstered their assertions by citing my lack of typical male symptoms without even telling me what the atypical symptoms were. I should've asked but alas, I was pretty fucked up at the time. 🤷‍♀️

I generally try not to put so much of myself on the internet but I sincerely believe examples like mine are critical for a better understanding of what our needs are as neurodivergent humans, and for demanding better systems of care and support.

ADHD is a glaring example of the failures that result from narrow and inflexible standards based on archaic notions of how people work. In the beginning, ADHD didn't exist and was treated by hitting children until they behaved properly. Then it exists but it's a behavioral problem with kids and they should be segregated from the normal kids. OK, it's a thing but it only really happens to boys. It happens to boys and girls but not in the same way. Turns out anyone can have ADHD and the symptoms aren't set in stone but we're still going to make getting a diagnosis as difficult as possible and restrict access to most of the drugs that treat it on the assumption that most people just want to abuse stimulants. Progress!

Basing women's care on centuries-old assumptions about women by men is inappropriate and harmful. Basing a black patient's care on historic racial stereotypes is inappropriate and harmful. Basing the care of LGBTQ+ patients on a system that historically pathologized their existence is inappropriate and harmful. Dismissing a mental health patient's concerns and reported history solely because they do not fit a typical gendered presentation is inappropriate and harmful.

This is why the conversation of equality vs. equity must be a priority. Diagnosing every neurodivergent patient by one standard is not reliable because of the complex array of presentations and effects. There are diagnostic screening tests but they are essentially "if you tic 6+ symptoms from section A you may be hyperactive. If you check 6+ symptoms from section B you may be inattentive. If you have at least 6 from each you may be a combo deal." Conditions like these require an individualized approach or countless people will continue to be misdiagnosed or slip through the cracks. We require more doctors, more effort, and better education. There is no streamlining or automation that will make this more effective. The potential for harm here is immense and made even more difficult to address by the persistent belief that real ADHD is rare.

Ignorance and inertia are liabilities in healthcare. Without continually updating the best practices and procedures we'd be stuck with bloodletting, miasmas, and choleric humors. We'd still be operating on babies without anesthesia. That's not a widely seen practice now because doctors did finally agree they should stop in the late 1980s. In the US. Doctors around the world still regularly under-medicate black patients based on beliefs that their pain tolerance is higher than white people. That myth is so pervasive that it's often used to justify excessive force by police officers against black suspects. Trans youth can be denied life-saving support if they can't meet the standards of people who do not believe they exist. The neglect and abuse these myths enable are horrific.

Inhumane treatment should never be excused because a patient didn't tic all the correct boxes.

[boreal-sea]

Gentile here with a good faith question. But also, please feel free to dismiss. Take care of yourself first. Sorry for the coming wall of text.

I’m shooting this your directly because I find your blog thoughtful and informative, and I infer you might have some pertinent knowledge based on your posts.

I see a lot of my (also gentile friends) engaging in activism that concerns me. I understand the desire to do something — anything — to help those who are suffering in Palestine, but their rhetoric is antisemitic, almost cult-like, and as several Jewish tumblrs have pointed out: is that activism actually doing anything to help Palestine, or is it just hurting Jews?

And, I’m not immune. Yes, there are avowed and self-aware antisemites and that’s not me, but I feel like a lot of us are getting swept up into it without realizing it. A wave of a wand, call it anti-Zionism instead, use rhetoric that resonates with leftists. Like, I’m very worried that some of that thinking has infected my own world view, even as I try to unpack and dismantle my own antisemitism.

Which is to say, I don’t know how to trust my own gut right now.

I want to DO something that helps those who are suffering, and doesn’t harm Jews. Ideally I’d like to find good aid organizations to donate too, I’m really not sure what else I CAN do.

But which organizations, that’s the rub.

Take Medical Aid for Palestinians, which I was looking into because I stumbled across a itch.ion bundle supporting them.

On a google search, most of the hits seem to indicate they’re legit. A notable exception was the NGO monitor, but as I looked into that site, according to some sources NGO monitor is a right-biased Israeli organization with links to the current Israeli government. Since they’re the only source I’ve found so far decrying MAP… does that mean I can disregard their complaints and safely donate to MAP? Or, is my reluctance to trust NGO Monitor unfounded, and routed in my own ingrained antisemitism?

And to make matters worse, hey this is all just text on the internet, fake sites can look very official, and ever robots are writing half of this shit now so what’s a queer to do?

So, how do I sift through the legitimate organizations that are providing aid and/or working towards peace, from the ones that are just fronts for terrorists?

More than just a list of ones you already trust. I mean, I won’t turn that down, but I want to learn how to figure this for myself to so that when I encounter things like this bundle, I know whether it’s safe to donate or not.

Thanks for reading this. If you’ve got some wisdom to share I appreciate it. If not, or if you don’t have the energy to spare, again, please take care of yourself first.

So I always preface these asks with the fact that I am only a convert-in-process, so I am still learning and I don't know everything. There are some things I will never know, not being a Jew from birth, not being Israeli, etc.

To your first question: does the antisemitic rhetoric employed by some pro-Palestinian activists help Palestinians? No, it does not. Being bigoted towards one marginalized group cannot benefit a different marginalized group. All it does is add more hatred to the world. The only thing antisemitic "pro-Palestine" rhetoric does is hurt Jews. Hurting Jews does not benefit Palestinians.

As for MAP... my advice is first to look at what NGO is saying is untrustworthy about MAP, and compare that to what the other sites say about it. Then you need to consider NGO's motivations and political leanings, which you've already started doing. Think about what reasons could they have for discrediting MAP. Do they have any Palestinian aid organizations they do support? What do the other sites you used have to say about those other organizations? If you're still not sure, it's generally good advice to go with what the majority of the charity ratings sites say. If NGO disagrees, and you've found reasons it might have its own biases, then you treat it like an outlier and depend on the consensus of the other sources.

There are right-wing organizations and people in Israel who hate Palestinians. There are organizations in Israel that are biased. There are Arab organizations that are biased. Country of origin means nothing. If multiple other sites are calling a particular org out, there's probably a reason. You will unfortunately have to put in the effort to double-check everything.

For searching news sources specifically, the MediaBias/FactCheck website is highly regarded.

Note that no source you use is ever going to be free of criticism; even MB/FC has detractors. Reliable sources can sometimes make mistakes. No one is perfect.

Media literacy is a huge problem right now and you're not the only person struggling with it. My best advice is to do exactly what you've done: read multiple sources, compare that information, and then make your decision. It is not your fault this stuff is difficult to navigate.

[bart1607]

Better days || chapter 2

Today I released second and final chapter of my first fanfiction! I also decided to add some additional tags, as this chapter shows also relationship between Padme and Anakin and Bly and Aayla.

Give me also some advice about AO3 age rating system. I don't know, how should I rate my work.

Please let me know, if you liked this fanfiction or it sucks!

Warnings: swearing, drunk people and Lux being dick

Link to AO3:

Several days have passed since those events. For Padmé and Anakin, the day they wanted has finally arrived. Padmé went into labor. Anakin was very upset about Padme's birth, and was still haunted by memories of visions in which Padmé died during childbirth. He waited impatiently for a medical droid or a doctor to finally come out and tell him that everything had gone according to plan. Anakin informed Obi Wan and Ahsoka that labor had begun. He wanted someone to accompany him and support him at that moment. Seeing Anakin's behavior, the bearded man decided to calm him down a little: 

- Anakin, don’t be so nervous! Padme is in the best medical facility on Coruscant, she is under the care of professionals! In addition, she is now the chancellor, so she can always count on much better specialists than others! 

- Thank you Master for these words, you calmed me down a little. Maybe I'm actually panicking too much. But it takes a while. 

- Skyguy, everything will be fine! - Ahsoka said with a smile - Padme is a strong woman, she has been through a lot, so she will easily cope with childbirth! 

 - Thanks for these words Ahsoka! 

After a dozen or so minutes, the medical droid left the room where Padme was lying and began to walk towards Anakin. Anakin sprang from the chair he was sitting on and said to the droid: 

- How about her?! Everything went according to plan? 

- Mr. Anakin, yes, it all worked out! - the droid began to say - your wife gave birth to beautiful twins! Both your wife and newborn children are safe! 

Anakin's face turned pale and he slumped to his feet. Obi Wan caught him in time, otherwise he would have fallen to the floor. All three had shock and disbelief on their faces. Everyone, especially Anakin, thought Padme would only have one child. Nobody expected twins. After a moment, Anakin said: 

- Twins! I have twins! I will be the father of two children!  Tears began to gather in Anakin's eyes, he was very touched by this joyful news, after a moment he asked: 

- Can we go inside? 

- Yes, although your friends can only come in for a moment. The patient is very tired after the whole birth, so visits from people outside the family must be limited - replied the droid. 

They entered the room where Padme lay. The sight they saw confirmed what the droid had said earlier. Anakin's wife was very exhausted and tired of giving birth, but her face showed joy and contentment. Right next to her were newborn babies. 

- Ani! - said Padme in a weakened voice - everything worked out, why are you crying? - she asked seeing tears flowing down Anakin's cheeks 

- It's from happiness Padme! - He answered her then walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek. 

- How are our kids? 

- They are healthy, we have a boy and a girl - Padme said happily - take them in your arms - she added. 

Anakin pulled the girl out and carefully took her in his arms. He looked at her carefully, then said: 

- She looks a lot like you! I think she inherited many traits from you - Anakin said with a smile 

- Can I hold her? asked Ahsoka 

- Yes, just be careful - he said, handing the girl over to Ahsoka, then took the boy and said: 

- Honey, what shall we call them? 

- Ani, I think I've already come up with names that will be best for our children. I was thinking of naming the boy Luke and the girl Leia - announced Padme - what do you think Ani? 

- Padme, these are the most beautiful names. I don't think I could think of better ones – he replied 

- Obi Wan, would you like to hold him? - asked Anakin 

- Can I? I don't want to scare him… - Obi Wan started to say, but Anakin cut him off. 

- Master, you must hold him - Anakin said, handing Luke with the utmost care in Obi Wan's arms then added: 

- I feel like you're going to be a great uncle, Master! - he commented, seeing with what care his master looks at the child  

- And you Ahsoka, will be great aunt! - Padmé added in a cheerful voice 

- I have a good feeling about that! - Anakin said 

Ahsoka and Obi Wan both smiled upon hearing these words, but immediately afterwards Anakin's former master said: 

- I think we should get going now, we've been sitting here for a while, haven't we Ahsoka? 

- You're right, I even forgot that I made an appointment with Rex to go to one certain place. 

Hearing the Ahsoka’s words, Obi Wan, Anakin and Padme looked at each other and were unsure of what they had just heard. 

- With whom? - they said at the same time. 

- Well? I love him more than anything, and he loves me. And besides, I'm not a Jedi, so you can't blame me for anything. The Code no longer applies to me. 

- Calm down Ahsoka, no one is mad at you or holds any grudges. We're just very surprised by it - Anakin said, then added: 

- At least I see I wasn't the only one keeping my relationship a secret. I hope the Code will be reformed. I wonder how many Jedi still have some kind of secret love relationship, he said with a smile 

- I agree with the idea of reforming the Code - Ahsoka replied to his words 

- I support that too, Anakin. The Jedi Code was always changing. Changing some of the rules of the Code and how the Order works wouldn't be such a bad thing - Obi Wan added. 

Anakin laid down his children at this time, then thanked Obi Wan and Ahsoka for coming and visiting. 

A few days later  

Military medical facility  

As announced by Chancellor Padme Amidala, the chip removal process, mandatory for all clone troopers, began today. Each unit received guidelines on the time and place of the procedure. The 332nd company was one of the first to undergo this treatment. Rex was to undergo the procedure first. A moment before the procedure, he was very stressed, he was afraid that something might happen to him or the procedure itself would fail and he would die. Fortunately, he was accompanied by Ahsoka, who calmed him down and was with him all the time. Before starting the procedure, Rex hugged Ahsoka and kissed her before saying: 

- Just in case something... - Ahsoka interrupted him: 

 - Rex, this is completely safe! Pull yourself together and get in there! I will be with you all the time  

- Okay commander! - Rex said with a smile, then walked in. 

A few dozen minutes later  

Rex was lying in a hospital bed. He has not yet woken up since the end of the procedure. According to information from doctors, clones can wake up even after a few hours. Ahsoka sat by Rex's bedside all the time, waiting for him to wake up. She looked at the bandage on his head. This is where the chip was implanted. Ahsoka thought for a moment about what would have happened if things had turned out a little differently and taken a wrong turn. What if someone had issued Order 66 that Anakin mentioned. She wasn't a Jedi, so technically she shouldn't have been executed. But she couldn't imagine how, in an instant, the clones, the soldiers with whom the Jedi were fighting side by side, could turn against them and start killing them. At some point, she noticed that Rex began to move his fingers and slowly began to open his eyes. 

 She grabbed his hand and asked: 

 - How do you feel Rex?  

- Okay, Ahsoka - he began to grope his head at this point, and came across the bandage with his hand and said: 

 - So it was here that they installed these contrapties in us? 

- Looks like it, honey - Ahsoka said 

- You were right, it was safe, I didn't even feel anything when they pulled it out of me - Rex said happily, then added: 

- I think I slept a little, didn't I? 

- Yes, you lay down for a while, but you slept a short time anyway, because some clones may even wake up after a few hours - Ahsoka told him.  

The two talked a little more. Rex was discharged from the hospital the next day because he was healthy and did not show any symptoms that could indicate his poor health caused by undergoing surgery.   

2 weeks later  

During this period, 3 landmark events took place. The first thing was to capture the Separatist leaders. Republic intelligence tracked them down in the Mustafar system. Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker were the commanders of the operation. The 501st Legion took part in the action, including the 332nd Company, formally commanded by Rex, but in fact Ahsoka Tano, and the 212th Battalion. The Jedi agreed to allow Ahsoka to participate in the operation as an "advisor", similar to the siege of Mandalore. For obvious reasons, she could not officially command any clone unit. The operation itself went quickly and efficiently. The troops encountered little resistance, and all the Separatists were captured and sent back to the Republic, where a peace treaty was signed with them. A few days after the treaty was signed, the trials of Darth Maul, Mas Medda and Separatists leaders took place. Darth Maul and Mas Medda were sentenced to death. The charges Darth Maul has received include treason against the Republic, genocide, Jedi assassinations, leading an organized crime group, and the murder of the Duchess of Mandalore. The sentence was carried out by beheading with a lightsaber. Mas Medda was charged with complicity in conspiracy, treason against the Republic, and deliberate misrepresentation of the Senate. The sentence was carried out by hanging. The Separatist leaders were originally sentenced to death, but these were later commuted to long prison sentences. The second major event was the completion of the investigation into the Kaminoan experiments. The investigation revealed that the Kaminoans were working on cloning the Zillo beast that attacked Coruscant earlier, and they also created female clones of Jango Fett. Two such clones were discovered: Emerie Karr, an adult woman whom the Kaminoans trained to conduct research and experiments. It was supposed to help the Kaminoans in their research. The second clone was a girl named Omega. She had not yet been given any functions, perhaps the Kaminoans were waiting until she became an adult woman. Kamino was placed under the strict supervision of the Republic, and the Jedi presence on its planet was increased from one to three. Any new experiments now had to be reported to the Jedi stationed there. Correctly, Lama Su and Nala Se, as well as the whole of Kamino, should be sanctioned even more for their continued support of Palpatine's plan, but it was decided that they would act from now on on on behalf of the Republic. They did not want to waste their previous achievements, and their research was decided to be used for good purposes. The first order of the Republic was to significantly reduce the production of clone troops. There was no need to produce an excess number of clones, because the conflict with the Separatists was resolved. It was also known that clones have accelerated aging, which is why the Kaminoans were commissioned to develop a special vaccine with a special substance that would inhibit the rapid aging process and restore normal aging. In addition, the newly created clones were to have accelerated aging until they reached an age adequate to the clone's function. The last important thing that happened at that time was the issue of granting rights to clone troopers. Pantoran senator Riyo Chuchi took up the fight for clone rights, but convincing the Galactic Senate of her demands was an extremely difficult task. Although it won the support of several senators, there were still not enough senators to convince the rest of the Senate to grant rights to clones. Some of the postulates of the pantoran senator included: 

Granting a Senate seat to one clone, who will represent the interests of all clone troopers 

Granting civil rights and allowing clones to participate in public life 

Providing the clones with decent living conditions after their service ends 

Unfortunately, Riyo Chuchi knew that she had a difficult task ahead of her, and it might be some time before she could convince the other senators to support her idea. 

One week later  

Anakin, Obi Wan, and Ahsoka decided to meet at Dexter's bar, owned by Obi Wan's friend. It was Dexter who once helped Obi Wan find Kamino when he was looking for the assassin who tried to kill then-senator Amidala. The three friends talked to each other about the events that have taken place recently and the ceremonial parade that will take place to celebrate the end of the war. At some point, Rex unexpectedly entered the bar, followed closely by Cody and Wolffe. 

- And what brings you here? - Obi Wan asked 

 - Let me guess, you probably did something and are afraid to say? - Anakin added, laughing  

- We didn't do anything wrong - Rex said, then continued - Ahsoka knows why we came here, because I told her about our idea yesterday. 

 - What idea? - Obi Wan asked 

 - Well, together with the guys we thought that maybe we could invite others and organize an unofficial celebration of victory at 79s cantina? 

- So you want to throw a party, right? - said Anakin 

- We thought it would be good to integrate and get to know a little bit from a different side. Well, you understand, so far we know each other only from the military, professional side. - Cody said 

- And besides, we want you to participate, because this event would also be a kind of thanks to you! You saved our lives more than once! - finished Wolffe 

- I can count on you, my darling, right? - Rex turned to Ahsoka 

- Sure - she replied 

- And you accept our invitation? - Rex asked Anakin and Obi Wan 

- I'd have to ask Padme what she thinks. You know we have kids now and things... but I don't think she should mind. 

- It's okay, just let me know as soon as possible, because we plan to arrange it all in 3 days 

- If you're coming, I'm coming too - Obi Wan said, then added - and who else have you invited? 

- We actually sent invitations to all the Jedi who led us and some senators. There will definitely be master Plo Koon, Aayla Secura and senator Riyo Chuchi. We are still waiting for answers from the rest. - Rex replied 

- Well, this is going to be a party Coruscant will never forget! - Anakin said laughing 

3 days later  

The party at 79s cantina had been going on for several hours. Most of the invitees agreed to come, although some refused and did not come. This group included Mace Windu. Inside the cantina it got very colorful. Clones from various units came to it, which was synonymous with the fact that they wore uniforms in colors symbolizing individual units. And that's how you could watch the 327th Star Corps drink together with the Coruscant Guard and hear stories from soldiers of the 104th Battalion and the 501st Legion. Some, slightly more drunk clones arranged various competitions and games, while others danced with the women present in the cantina. It also seemed that Ahsoka wasn't the only one who had found her love in the clone. Sitting at the table, Ahsoka noticed Bly holding Aayla Secura's hand. It didn't last long, because after a while, Aayla gave Bly her gaze telling him to hide his hand, and then whispered something in his ear.  

- She probably wants their relationship to remain a secret. She is afraid that she will suffer some consequences because of this. - Togruta thought 

After a few minutes, the Twi’lek Jedi Master got up from the table and headed for the bathroom. Seeing this, Ahsoka decided to follow her. 

- Where are you going? - Rex asked 

- I'll be right back - Ahsoka replied 

Togruta quickly followed Aayla and managed to catch her just before the door. 

- Are you having fun? - Aayla Secura began 

 - Of course! What about you?  

- Me too - the two women entered the bathroom. Ahsoka quickly made sure that no one was in the toilet stalls and no one was coming. She tried to ensure discreet and privacy for Secura as possible, and she didn't want anyone to hear their delicate conversation. 

- Aayla, are you in love with Bly? 

Aayla's face was shocked, she hadn't expected such a question from her Togrutan friend. After a moment, slightly frightened, she spoke:  

- How do you know that?  

- I saw you holding hands for a moment.  

- Damn, I just told him not to do it in front of others because someone might see it. Yes, we are together, but we remain hidden for obvious reasons. - Twi'lek replied nervously, and then added: 

- We quietly hope that the Code will actually be reformed soon, so that we can freely show up together, without fear of consequences.  

Seeing Aayla Secura's stress and nervousness, Ahsoka decided to calm her down:  

- Relax, don't be nervous. You can always count on me, I will never betray you. And if someone asks, I will say that I drank too much and something predicted me or that I do not remember anything.  

Hearing Ahsoka's words, Aayla breathed a sigh of relief and hugged the Togruta saying:  

-Thanks! You don't even know how important it is for me and Bly! I am very happy that I can count on your discretion!  

- No problem! I understand how you feel, you don't want to experience extra stress - Ahsoka said. Ahsoka then left the bathroom and Aayla occupied one of the toilets. Walking to the table where she had been sitting earlier, the Togruta looked around the room a bit and noticed that Obi Wan was nowhere to be found. As she sat down at the table, she decided to ask where Obi Wan had gone:    - I'm back, where is Obi Wan?    - He said he was going to get some air outside the cantina - Anakin replied    - He's been gone for a while - Rex pointed out    - Actually, he said he would only go for a while, and he's been gone for several dozen minutes - added Padme    - I'll see what’s going on with him - Anakin said, getting up from the table 

Anakin went to the exit of the cantina, in the meantime he was accosted by a certain commando: 

- General, are you running away already? - he say a little incomprehensibly. You could smell alcohol from his mouth. He must have drunk a lot. 

- I'm just going to get some air for a moment - Anakin replied to him, and then he suddenly heard someone calling the commando: 

- Gregor! Leave him alone and come back to us! - the unknown clone screeched    - Okay, okay, I'm coming! - said Gregor, who staggered to the table from which he had heard the call. 

Anakin stepped outside the cantina and began to look around. He saw many clone soldiers and other party attendees who also went out to get some fresh air or smoke a cigarette. At one point, he noticed one of the clones vomiting and the other holding him up. Young Skywalker finally managed to find Obi Wan. He stood alone, leaning against the wall, and looking out over the panorama of Coruscant. He seemed to be thinking about something. Anakin finally walked up to him and spoke: 

- Here you are Master! And I'm looking for you everywhere, we've already started to worry, because you're not coming back for a long time.  

-You know, I left because I had to think things a little bit. Anakin stood next to him and listened to what the bearded Jedi was saying: 

- We won the war, but look Anakin at the cost to all of us. How many towns, villages, had been destroyed, how many people had lost their - his voice began to break - loved ones. 

After saying these words, Obi Wan looked up into the starry sky. Tears began to roll down his cheeks. Anakin quickly connected the facts and guessed what, or rather who Obi Wan meant:  

- You miss Satine, am I right?  

- Yes, you don't even know how much I miss her! Why did I have to suffer so much? First I lost my master, then Maul murdered the love of my life in front of my eyes! Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake. Maybe I could have left the Order when I was still a young Padawan of Qui-Gon, at least I would have spent some time with Satine. 

Anakin listened to Obi Wan's monologue and wondered how to comfort him. After thinking about it, he said:  

- Master, I think Satine would be very proud of you! You helped her sister liberate Mandalore, you can control your emotions and thanks to this you are not consumed by the dark side. Satine would be immensely grateful for what you have done so far for her, her sister, and the entire Mandalore! 

They stood for a moment in silence, which was interrupted by Obi Wan:  

- Thank you, Anakin! I needed this conversation, I had to finally tell someone about what was constantly on my heart! You're like a brother to me, I'm glad I have someone like you! - He patted Anakin on the shoulder, then added:  

- I hope that Bo Katan will consider the Jedi and the Republic's participation in the liberation of her planet. My dream is that we will finally have a good relationship with the Mandalorians. They would be good and powerful allies. May this be the first step towards establishing good relations with the Republic for the first time in history. I also hope that Bo Katan will honor Satine in some way. Despite being enemies in the political arena, Bo Katan loved and respected her sister very much. 

With these words, the two Jedi began to return to the cantina. As they sat back at the table, Padme spoke:  

- Where have you been for so long? We thought something had happened to you, I was about to go looking for you!  

- We were talking in front of the cantina, you could come to us! - Anakin replied  

A group of friends started talking to each other and sipping drinks. Suddenly, everyone heard a powerful bang and the sound of a smashed bottle. The music stopped playing and everyone started looking around the room to find the source of the sound. Immediately afterwards, all eyes were on Wrecker, who, trying to get up from the table, pushed the bottle with his hand and fell to the floor. He was drunk. At that time, Hunter burst into the canteen, who was gone for a long time. You could see on his face the nervousness of the situation he saw after entering the cantina: 

- Fuck! You cannot be left alone even for a moment! How many times have I told you not to let Wrecker drink alcohol!? shouting, he walked to the table of the Bad Batch, and there was laughter all over the room, and then the music sounded again and everyone went back to what ther were doing. 

- Echo, Tech, help me pick him up! We'll take him to the Marauder. The members of the Bad Batch stood up and slowly began to lift their friend. Crosshair was watching them, giving them his characteristic smile. 

- And what are you waiting for? Move your ass and help us! After all, the three of us will not be able to carry him! - Hunter ordered, then the sniper reluctantly stood up and proceeded to help. The whole situation looked comical! Minutes later after the incident, Padmé noticed it was time to go home:  

- Ani, we should be leaving now!  

- You're right, darling!  

The Skywalkers said goodbye to their friends and began to wait for the pilot to come after them. Half an hour later, Obi Wan decided to return to the temple, and an hour later Ahsoka with Rex left the canteen. It was late at night and more and more people were starting to leave the party. The party in the cantina has already ended, but everyone who was there will have nice memories of the moments that they experienced together with their friends! 

One week later  

The day has come for the parade that will march through the streets of Coruscant. It was decided to organize it to celebrate the victory of the Republic in the devastating war for 3 years and the defeat of the Sith. Representatives of military units from other planets were also invited to the march. Only senators or leaders came from some of the planets, because not every planet had its own armed forces. The most important people in the Republic sat in special seats. Right next to Chancellor Amidala, the Jedi Council and some military commanders took their seats, including Wulff Yularen and the not very popular Wilhuff Tarkin, who did not have a very good reputation among clones. Next to them were senators, leaders of planets invited to take part in the parade, and other Jedi. Ahsoka also sat in the VIP area. Her contribution to winning the war and her help in command was appreciated, despite the fact that she was no longer a Jedi, and she was allowed to sit next to the most important people. A large crowd of citizens gathered around the entire route, who wanted to take a closer look at the presented military equipment and the march of soldiers. The march was opened by a representation of the Coruscant Guard, led by Commander Fox. Seeing the commander of the Guard, Riyo Chuchi began waving at him. Ahsoka has heard rumors that Pantoran has crush on Fox. Right behind soldiers was the passage of BARC soldiers on speeders. Moments later, LAATs in the colors of the Coruscant Guard flew over the heads of the assembled crowd. This was followed by a march by the 501st Legion and the 332nd Company. Ahsoka quickly grabbed her holo-tablet and began recording the march. Rex asked her the day before the parade to record the moment when the unit she had commanded would be walking. Rex was very curious to see how his team fared at the parade. The clones were followed by AT-TE walkers and AT-RT rovers, and ARC-170 and Y-Wing star fighters flew in the air. After passing these walkers, the audience saw the representation of the 41st Elite Corps, which took part in the Battle of Kashyyyk. The soldiers were followed by HAVv A6 Juggernaut tanks, followed by clones from the 327th Star Corps. Suddenly, a huge shadow appeared over everyone, the assembled crowd reacted quickly and looked up to see what was above their heads. A low-flying Venator-class star destroyer appeared before their eyes. After passing all the representatives of individual units of the Grand Army of the Republic and troops from other planets, at the end the Volunteer Army of the Republic, a newly formed formation of the armed forces of the Republic, was presented. It was open to citizens who were willing to defend the Republic against threats and to bring peace to systems that were turbulent. The elite unit of the Republic Volunteer Army, whose members were the best of the best, were stormtroopers. The purpose of both groups was to carry out anti-terrorist operations, escort VIPs, conduct peacekeeping missions and support the Grand Army of the Republic. After the parade, many important personalities decided to speak and give speeches. 

One month later  

The Galactic Senate has finally reached a breakthrough! Pantoran Senator Riyo Chuchi's demands to grant rights to clones have been implemented! The first clone in history to represent the clones' interests in the Senate is Rex. Initially, he did not want to accept this function, because he believed that he was not suitable and did not know politics. However, he was convinced by Ahsoka and his brothers, who explained to him that there was no better clone than him who could act as a senator. In addition, he could always count on the support of the Chuchi, which somehow became a symbol of the fight for the rights of clones. Eventually, Rex agreed to serve as senator of all clones and began drafting the first bills, which he wanted to introduce in the Senate after some time. His additional task was also to supervise the observance and fulfillment of Riyo Chuchi's postulates. Unfortunately, not everyone was happy with Rex's Senate seat and support for Chuchi's ideals. One such person was Lux Bonteri, a senator from Onderon who had crush on Ahsoka in the past. One day, he led to an unpleasant situation in which he humiliated Rex and the other clones and insulted Ahsoka. After the deliberations, Rex went out into the corridor, where the Togruta was waiting for him: 

- Hello my senator! - Ahsoka said with a smile  

- Hi! - Rex told her, then kissed her on the cheek 

 They began to head for the exits, and Ahsoka asked him:  

- How was today?  

- Honestly, it's nothing interesting! - Rex began to say - we still vote only on taxes and some unimportant bills. The job of a senator is not as exciting as serving in the army! 

They both laughed and then continued talking to each other about slightly different topics. However, they did not notice that they were being followed by Lux, who after a few minutes of tracking decided to speak: 

- Well, who am I seeing here, Ahsoka Tano! - he said dismissively - I see you like to fuck with clones! I still love you all the time, please be with me! You'll have a better life with me than with this... thing! 

On the faces of Rex and Ahsoka, first there was shock caused by the words of the Onderon senator, and then nervousness. Rex was about to punch Lux in the face, but Ahsoka stopped him. 

- Fuck off from us, okay? I never felt anything for you and never will! We won't be a couple! - Ahsoka said furiously 

- I still think you're making a mistake. I also believe that giving "test tubes" a seat in the Senate is the biggest mistake the Senate has made! Now listen to me CLONE! I will always vote against the bills you support and create, and I will ruin your senatorial career. - Lux, after saying these words, spoke to Ahsoka: 

- And you got kicked out of the Order for being a whore or there was other reason? 

Rex couldn't stand it and finally reacted to Lux's words: 

- Listen to me now, you bastard! First, no one asked you for your opinion on my bills and the wisdom of giving clones a seat in the Senate. Secondly, you can vote against me, I am supported by the majority of senators anyway, so your miserable opposition will make me laugh. And thirdly, if you continue to insult me or Ahsoka, I will talk to you differently! 

Ahsoka listened with bated breath as Rex crushed Lux. She had never seen Rex in such anger. Lux was speechless, he didn't expect Rex to answer him so harshly.  

- What choked you up so much,? In the Senate, you're never talkative either! - added Rex Wanting to prevent further escalation, Ahsoka grabbed Rex's hand and said:  

- Let's go Rex, leave that jerk already! 

The pair turned and walked away from Lux with a little quicker step. The Onderon senator stood stunned for a moment, then walked in an unknown direction. Moments later, Ahsoka began to say to Rex: 

- Thank you Rex for saving me from him!" I've never seen you like this. 

- I just hate it when someone insults the woman I love - Rex told her - They may offend me, but I'll never let anyone talk badly about you! - as he said these words, he put his arm around Ahsoka. 

A few days later, Ahsoka and Rex learned that Lux had been dismissed as senator by his superiors in Onderon. Apparently, he was demoted to some insignificant position because of acting in the Senate under the influence of emotions and neglect of duties. For Ahsoka and Rex, this meant that they would probably not meet the problematic senator soon. In the meantime, a group of clones from the 501st legion came up with a very good initiative. They secretly collected money that they want to spend on building a monument commemorating clone 99, who died defending Kamino, and Fives, who was wrongly shot while trying to apprehend. The idea was supported by Senator Rex, and after a short time it was decided that a monument to clone 99 would be erected on Kamino, and a monument commemorating Fives would be placed in the square next to the wall with the names of soldiers who died during the first battle of Geonosis. Boards were added to each of them with information about both clones and the deeds they performed. 

3 weeks later  

A touching event took place at Ryloth. On the initiative of the parents of Numa, a girl who was saved during the war by the clone Waxer, it was decided that one of the rebuilt schools would be named after the fallen clone. The opening ceremony of the school was attended by Boil, the clone who found the girl with Waxer, Obi Wan Kenobi, as well as Senator Rex. Jedi Master Kenobi himself has also been commemorated. In one of the cities, an avenue was put into use, which was called Obi Wan Kenobi’s Avenue. Meanwhile, the Republic began to withdraw troops from planets that had previously been covered by hostilities. On some planets, however, it was decided to leave small garrisons, in which soldiers changed every few months. Republic also began to monitor the situation on Mandalore, which was still in conflict. Although Bo Katan Kryze managed to control a much larger part of the planet, there are still isolated groups of rebellious Mandalorians resisting. Several times there were negotiations with the Mandalorians, who did not want to submit to Bo Katan, but they did not bring any result. Small Republic troops were left on Mandalore after the siege to provide assistance to Bo Katan, but they were too weak, so discussions began to send a peacekeeping mission led by the Jedi to de-escalate the conflict as soon as possible. 

2 weeks later  

A very important and personal event took place for Anakin. After much discussion in the Senate, slavery was finally banned across the galaxy! Anakin, who was a slave as a child, like his late mother, welcomed the news. This decision also marked the launch of many operations aimed at breaking up human trafficking groups and freeing slaves. Aayla Secura and Bly also had reasons to be happy. The Jedi Council began to implement a project to reform the Code. This meant lifting the ban on attachment. It was also decided to send a peacekeeping mission to Mandalore. These were some of the most serious steps to restore justice and peace to the galaxy. However, the Republic still had a few problems ahead of it. These included piracy, cartels and other criminal groups, terrorist organizations and planets that were lawless or mired in civil wars. However, it was only a matter of time before the Republic dealt with these problems. Everyone knew that better and safer times had come!

[she-karev]

Cousin Jen

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Three of Six

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Summary: Andrew talks to Matt while Amber and Jen tour the hospital and run into Alex who has an interesting reunion with Jen. The GIF above shows her reaction.

Words: 3366

Andrew is in the neuro lab and decides to check Matt’s vitals as he sits in a chair next to a table filled with journals and textbooks.

Matt looks at the table in interest and asks Andrew as he wraps a BP cuff around his arm, “You’re working with Shepherd for the research contest?”

“Yeah, she asked me to assist and I said yes right off the bat.”

“You know when I first heard about this contest, I wondered why I didn’t get into surgery and I remembered it’s not my fancy.” Matt says enviously as Andrew pumps the cuff.

“Personality thing?” Andrew asks.

“Nah I grew up watching House MD and I wanted to be that growing up.” Andrew grins at that reference, “I mean except for the painful limp, the opioid addiction and being an antisocial ass. What about you? Did you watch any medical dramas that got you hooked?”

“Not really.” Andrew records the BP and takes the cuff off, “I come from a family of surgeons so it was kind of in my blood. We made fun of those shows and pointed out the inaccuracies. BP is normal.”

“I’m a doctor so I know that syncope causes low blood pressure, I don’t know it that’s good or not.” Matt says worried.

“Don’t worry we’re gonna get answers soon.” Andrew puts the cuff away, “How long have you had these spells?”

“Um about 12 days, it first started at work. I was going over scut when I suddenly passed out on the table. I was up for 15 hours I just thought it was exhaustion so I passed it of as nothing until the restaurant.”

“And did you have any headaches or was anything out of the ordinary before the spells?”

“Nope nothing. I’m a medical mystery, this is not how I wanted to relive an episode of House.” Andrew grins at that, “You know I’ve known Amber for a long time now and I can tell she likes you; I’m talking like you on a whole other level. She might not show it I mean I know she can be…”

Andrew nods knowing the answer, “Yeah she is, but she’s also fun and funny and beautiful.”

“Oh good you see that.” Matt grins, “It’s just that I feel like I have to be her cheerleader with the guys she dates because they all think she’s this cold and closed off bitch and they treat her like it. I mean it’s probably why she hasn’t had a substantial relationship in the time I’ve known her. That and they all look at Jen and hit on her right in front of Amber…and me.”

Andrew’s eyes widen at that, “It sounds like she could pick them better back then.”

Matt shrugs, “It’s more like she’s a magnet for assholes. It has me and Jen convinced her parents put a curse on her at birth. Sorry I’m probably revealing too much you just seem like a good guy and Amber deserves that after everything. And you not running after you found out makes me worry, she’s not gonna take it well if you stomp on her heart further into this relationship.”

Andrew nods, “Don’t worry about it I get it and she’s lucky she had you two when she was in New York. Look I get that you think I’m gonna run but I’m not and certainly not because of Amber’s past. I had a crappy childhood too; I had a parent who went through a mental health crisis too. I didn’t have it near as bad as she did, I didn’t shove pills down my mom’s throat or went into foster care because it was so bad. But I get how it can drag you down and I’m not gonna do that to her. If it doesn’t work out it won’t be because of her past or how I treat her, I promise.”

Matt looks at him impressed, “Maybe don’t say all of that to Jen because the hot doctor schtick with the sensitive soul might make her leave me for you.”

Andrew chuckles at that, “Well from what I’ve seen that’s not gonna be an issue for you two. I mean she said yes to marrying you and traveled across the country so you could get a diagnosis. Plus, Amber approves of you two which speaks volumes.” Matt nods in agreement and DeLuca gets a page. He pulls out his phone, “Shepherd wants us to meet her in the peds floor, let’s go.” He and Matt leave the lab to meet Amelia.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jen and I walk down the hall to the board room passing Jo as she and the interns do rounds. I’m sure from a regular hospital staff member’s point of view we look strange together. They see me in my scrubs and her in her designer clothes and well-done ponytail and think why are they together? It’s what so many of my med school classmates think and I can understand it but I also know that despite our differences Jen was there for me when no one else was.

Every heartbreak or research paper stress she was always there to help and talk to me and take me away for a while. It helps that both of our fathers were deadbeat junkies. The only difference is her mom is saner than mine and took her away from him when she could. I think that’s why she’s more stable than me and why she’s the joy to my gloom, she had some stability unlike me. I don’t resent her for it though if anything she’s the only one who has given me stability when I needed it. Jen looks around at the pastel walls and toys on the desks and I realize we went the wrong way.

“Damn it.” I say frustrated, “Wrong way, we’re on the peds floor this place is a maze. I’ll get us out don’t worry.”

“Hey so I didn’t want to tell you this in front of the guys because I figured you’d go to your dark place.” I look at her curious as we continue walking down the hall, “Your mom keeps leaving me messages I think like four this week.”

I groan at that unfortunate tidbit, for some reason my mom has been trying to talk to me for the past year and of course I declined. The only time my mother called me was to ask for money or when she goes off her meds and rants to me about what a colossal disappointment I am. It aggravates me she’s using Jen to get to me, “Yeah well I hope you told her I’m closing down the library every night.”

“I told her I haven’t seen you.” Jen grins knowing how much I detest my mother, “For all I know you could be a crack ho by now.”

I chuckle darkly imagining my mom’s face hearing that, “That is perfect thank you. Speaking of my side of our messy family I should tell you something before you-”

“Alex!” I freeze on the spot and look up to find Alex with Amelia talking to Andrew and Matt. He looks in our direction after Jen called his name.

“Oh no.” I know what she’s planning and I need to stop it, “Okay quick word before you do what you want to-”

Jen ignores me and walks to Alex with a fake chuckle and smile acting like it’s a fond reunion, “Alex Karev! It’s me Cousin Jen!”

Alex looks shocked and remembers her, “Jen hey it’s been a long-” Alex gets interrupted with a slap to the face by Jen that causes me to look down in embarrassment as I approach them. Andrew and Matt look at her in shock, no doubt thinking I would sooner slap someone in public than her. Amelia looks amused at Alex who rubs his jaw clearly in pain. I mouth sorry to Alex as I stand next to Jen.

Jen frowns at him dusting her hands, “That’s for being a shit and leaving my sweet cousin with my shit father.”

I clear my throat loudly, “Read the floor honey peds floor means floor for kids, so ixnay on the cursing and the slapping.”

Alex sighs and looks more sad than angry, “I take it Amber said nothing but good things about me.”

“To be fair.” I start, “I hated your guts, you know that and so does she and I didn’t tell her we made up and the slap was unnecessary.”

Jen looks at me surprised and with a little bit of guilt, “You two made up? You don’t hate him anymore?”

I shake my head, “No more than I normally should.”

“Oh.” Jen looks taken back for a moment but turns to Alex with a warm grin, “Well in that case come here.” She pulls Alex for a hug who looks surprised by the sudden change in tone but hugs her back and they pull apart.

“Hi I’m Dr. Shepherd I’m gonna be your fiancé’s doctor.” Amelia greets her and shakes her hand, “DeLuca told me what’s happening with Matt, now I have to do a neuro consult but I’m gonna have DeLuca run basic tests and do a brain scan to see if we find anything.” She looks to me, “Are you fine keeping her company while this happens?”

I nod, “Yeah I was gonna find Avery to tell him I’m gonna help out with Matt…and would one of you tell me where to boardroom is? Because I’m lost.”

Andrew grins and Matt quips, “She sucks at directions, one time she took a train to Queens and ended up in Canada.”

“Don’t you have tests to do?” I snap and the men walk away to do so. I look at Alex, “So the boardroom?”

Alex grins, “First floor room 1204 it’s across the bridge.” I thank him and we both walk away from them.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We finally find ourselves on the right floor and I exhale in relief, “There he is finally let’s go.”

Jen grabs my arm stopping me with an ogling look directed at Avery, “Wait a minute that’s the guy you’re working for?”

“Yes.”

Jen chuckles impressed, “Jesus how many hot doctors work here?”

“Oh, stop it.” I tell her annoyed but she keeps grinning, “Aren’t you engaged?”

“Yeah.” Jen confirms nonchalant, “But that doesn’t mean I’m dead.”

“I will be if you keep drooling over my boss so can you-”

“Karev.” I turn to Jackson who stops in front of us with his mother, “Thank god I found you please tell me you have the basis for the proposal.”

“Actually, that’s what I was coming to talk to you about.” Jackson notices Jen next to me and looks at me curious over who she is, “Sorry Dr. Jackson and Catherine Avery this is my cousin Jen Evans.” They shake hands.

“Hi, it’s very nice to meet, Amber told me a lot about you.”

Jackson looks at me flattered, “Really? You talk about me?”

I narrow my eyes annoyed, “Okay take a testosterone blocker, I’m here to tell you I can’t work on the research project with you today.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, I’m working with Dr. Shepherd and-”

Jackson chuckles lightly, “Let me guess Shepherd got your boyfriend to convince you to join the dark side and spill all of my plans with her did she?”

I glare at him, “I need to figure out why my beloved cousin’s fiancé is experiencing syncope and make sure he’s healthy in time for their wedding.” I inform him coldly causing him to be silent for a moment before responding.

“I see well that’s a pretty good reason to take a break.”

Catherine chips in, “Well with her out of the way does this mean you’ll have time to help me with my project?”

Jackson closes his eyes and looks at Jen apologetically, “I am sorry for my mother she has no filter.” He turns to his mom, “Mom, Dr. Valez has a great pitch. She does, all right? And you guys should do it. You should enter the contest and change a bunch of lives. But I already got my own thing going on, and, frankly, it's a little more cutting-edge than what essentially amounts to an elective cosmetic procedure.”

Catherine doesn’t back down though, “Oh, come on. Look, my birthday is coming up. You could think of this vagina as your gift to me.” I widen my eyes at that comment as well as Jen and Jackson who looks more horrified than shocked.

“Now I'm gonna go smash my head in with a hammer and see if I can forget that you said that.”

I grab his arm, “How about I help and page Qadri so she can take my place?” He nods and leads us away from his mother who yells out as we walk away.

“Jackson Avery, you are such a disappointment! I thought you were woke!” Jackson groans at that and looks at Jen with apologetic eyes as we walk with him in the middle.

“Sorry about that my mother can be a handful sometimes and her mouth speaks before her brain does.”

Jen chuckles, “Oh don’t apologize drama helps distract me from my drama. So, what was all that about? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Um my mother has an idea for the surgical innovation contest and thought I should ditch mine to help hers.”

I snap my focus on him suddenly interested, “What? What could she possibly have that’s more interesting than freaking spray on skin?”

“Spray on skin?” Jen asks.

I explain, “We’re doing this contest to see who comes up with an idea to revolutionize surgical medicine and Avery’s is replacing painful skin grafts with aerosolized stem cells.”

Jen groans, “It’s like I’m living with you again, words for the basic hairdresser please.”

Jackson steps in and grins as he explains, “Okay so you know how burn victims need to have their burned skin taken out and replaced with healthy donor tissue?” Jen nods, “Well it’s effective but it’s also painful and the graft doesn’t always take not to mention there’s scarring and discoloration.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good method.”

“It isn’t.” Jackson confirms, “Which is why I want to find a way to use stem cells in aerosolized form like what you use to wet your client’s hair. Only instead of water I’m using a skin sample from the patient that’s broken down into liquid and spray it on the burned tissue. Then the enzymes will regenerate and provide viable coverage, it’ll be like the skin is formed and it heals over the burn wound.”

Jen looks at him impressed, “You know how to do that?”

“Not yet.” I chip in, “That’s why we’re doing research so we can get money for the supplies we need and test subject availability. Then we can move forward so this can revolutionize skin grafting entirely and both of our names will be legend status.”

Jackson raises an eyebrow at me, “And of course saving a bunch of lives and making it so burn victims don’t suffer more than they should.”

“That too.” I suddenly remember something, “Oh hey how did it go?”

Jackson looks at me confused, “How did what go?”

“You left the bar with hoop earrings; I’m surprised I would think denim skirt would win you over she had very toned legs. How was it? Did you get a little lady luck on your side?”

Jen chuckles, “Oh my god your wingmanning again? Is this what your so busy with you can’t go to a salon?”

I defend myself, “I have a gift and Avery is desperate and lonely he needs help.”

“You know I can hear you right?” Jackson quips, “And I just sent hoop earrings in a cab nothing happened.”

I look at him shocked and a little offended, “What? You didn’t sleep with her?” He shakes his head, “Was there something wrong with her?”

Jackson rubs the back of his neck, “You know it just didn’t feel right that’s all.”

I scoff but shake it off, “Okay fine well maybe Priya will change your mind.”

“Is Priya denim skirt?”

“No, she’s blue blazer.” I scroll through my notes, “She was really nice we got to talking and she’s a lawyer, a human rights lawyer.”

Jen gushes, “Oh human rights that’s nice it’s generous.”

“See even she sees it.” I find the info, “I have her number here I will text it to you.”

Jackson stops us outside the lab, “Look Karev I appreciate what you’re doing but I’ll think on it while you page Qadri so you can save your cousins wedding, is that good for you?”

I look at him surprised but put my phone away, “Okay fine but just to let you know in the year 2050 global warming will either drown us or burn us all to death.” Jen raises an eyebrow at me, “And by then you’ll have to depend on your daughter to change your diapers.”

Jackson raises an eyebrow at me, “Exactly how old do you think I am?” I open my mouth but he speaks before I can, “No never mind I can already tell I won’t like the answer. I will text you for Kiya’s number.”

“Priya.” I correct.

“I’ll consider her too.” Jackson grins and I glare at him even as he enters the lab leaving us in the hall.

I turn to Jen who grins at me, “He needs me.”

“I’ve seen him he doesn’t need your help to get women.” Jen and I walk down the hall, “Something is holding him back or maybe someone.”

I snort, “And you know this how?”

“You’re good at biology I’m good at loveology.” I chuckle at her word, “Hey come on five years of cutting hair and endless gossip and silly arguments provides you with a certain skill set you can’t get in a hospital. Trust me when I say your boy is in conflict either that or he’s in the closet.” I chuckle at that and lead her down the hall so we can go to the neuro lab where the boys and Shepherd are waiting for us.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Andrew and I go over the labs and brain scans up on the board while the happy couple are behind us waiting anxiously. We were able to get Matt’s labs and brain scans back fairly quick while Alex and Amelia were checking on a patient. I look at the brain scans closely to see if Shepherd missed anything but to my chagrin, she was right that Matt’s brain was healthy and showed no signs of abnormality.

“There’s not contusions or inflammation or anything out of the ordinary.” I turn to Matt and Jen, “It’s not a tumor as I’d previously suspected.”

Andrew looks up from the tablet where he’s reading Matt’s labs, “Labs are clear your cholesterol is a little high for someone your age but otherwise you’re the picture of health.”

Jen sighs, “That’s good right?” Andrew and I look at each other worried, “Why doesn’t it feel good?”

Andrew puts the tablet down, “Well we ruled out neuro so we have to check if this is cardio related.”

Matt nods, “Today it’s brain, tomorrow is hearts I wonder what the next day is, Japanese?” Jen grins slightly and turns to us worried.

“What’s happening to him? Should we be worried?”

I shake me head, “I’m gonna talk to our chief of cardio Dr. Pierce.” I inform them, “I’m gonna try to schedule you for an EKG an MRI and an exercise stress test, would you be up for it?”

Matt nods, “Yeah sure run what you need to just as long as I get out of here soon.” I nod and turn to walk when Jen calls to me.

“You fix Matt, do you hear me?” I stop to face her worried expression as she grips Matt’s shoulders like she’s afraid he’ll disappear, “It’s like I said, he’s my one and only.” I nod full heartedly and turn to walk away more determined to help them than ever.

[magnoliamyrrh]

also on a similar topic of women i hate hearing from ppl "women in america dont need feminism and have no issues and have nothing to complain abt because they have it so much better than Those women over there!!" (nevermind that those women over there are often told the same thing)

there is such an endless list of womens issues in america that this statement is so beyond stupid like get back to me when abortion gets unbanned, child marriage gets outlawed, deeply conservative purity culture aint around, sex trafficking aint a massive issue (america being one of the top countries in the world for sex trafficking and child pornography consumption), women stop being denied basic health procedures bc theyre female and oh well maybe theyll want a baby someday, black women in particular stop having such high rates of dying in birth, indigenous women stop going missing and murdered, the rates of csa and incest in communities drop, men stop watching porn, the Highest cause of death for pregnant women isnt being killed by men most often their partners, the wage gap closes, rape is no longer a thing, domestic abuse is no longer a thing, courts stop letting woman and child rapists walk free with a slap on the wrist, theres paid maternity leave and proper maternal care, we can walk around at night safley in places men can, women stop doing the vast majority of housework even while working jobs, theres actual better medical research into health issues which only impact female people or predominantly impact female people, the government is no longer mostly men,,,,, need me to go on?

like its fair to point out how yes women in america have a better status than women in other places for sure. and its fair to point out how in certain areas of america this is even moreso the case. but booooy oh Boy are there still issues

[vizthedatum]

Another pregnancy (question mark) post:

I’m cramping (lower abdominal) a lot on this flight back home. And ginger ale still tastes so fucking bad - basically like a completely new and disgusting drink. I’m so nauseated again. And extremely fatigued.

A part of me wonders if my period will come next week or not… and that I’m not pregnant after all. This all could be just a complicated hormone imbalance - who knows with my body - I just… haven’t felt like this before apart from the one time I was.

If my period came, I’d be both relieved and heartbroken all over again.

My thoughts *if* my period comes next week:

Relieved: like OMFG thank god. I don’t want to have a baby with someone who doesn’t want a baby. I don’t want to have a baby with someone who I don’t want to partner with. I don’t want to have a baby with someone who won’t and can’t put in the work to do what it takes for the baby. Like yes, I would have figured out what to do if I were pregnant with their child because I’d want my child to have the

knowledge of this life, including its struggles.

Heartbroken: I really want a baby and to carry it to term. And then parent for the rest of my life. I want a family so badly. It’s been a vision and dream since I was 13. I know I said I bonded with it but I’ve been bonding with my child for years now. I also know that with modern medicine that my age isn’t the biggest issue but it also kinda is - my eggs are older and I have PCOS. I also have that much more limited time to try. (Yes I’m going to try this upcoming year.)

Relieved: I can do this by myself or with a partner who wants this life with me. Fuck yes. I can actually have the time to plan - especially financially and geographically. And now that I’ve been taking more care with medication and nutrition, I’ll be so much better off trying to get pregnant.

Relieved: I want to co-birth and co-parent with my ideal nesting partner so badly but it’s going to either take time to culminate something like that with my existing relationships or to find a new relationship.

Heartbroken: I was so sure. Like intrinsically sure. And my partnership with someone who I really love is over because of it - but like it was truly a wake up call - I am so thankful for this pregnancy scare to bring me back to what I value. But still… fuck. I was so so sure - I felt my child with such a deep inner knowing (maybe they’re calling out to me? Trying to get me ready?).

Relieved: unplanned pregnancies are STRESSFUL AF. Like in whichever scenario. The rate at which things happen is so quick. Now that I’ve done some legwork, the next planned or unplanned pregnancy will be so much smoother.

Sigh.

Time will tell with all this, and I’m gonna keep my ultrasound appointment regardless. I’m trying to stay present and take care of my body, regardless. I had a lot of fun on vacation but I’ve been having some really hard times.

(Addendum - I suspect my last time I bled was implantation bleeding and I do have random bleeding/spotting anyway - so idk 🤷🏽‍♀️ is what I’m saying - like having another bleeding period 4-5 weeks after my last one would maybe indicate that it’s just a period)

[turb0fox]

✨ Bold the Facts ✨

Got tagged by both @v1ctory-or-sovngarde and @themichibear ! Filling this out for my Rifts PC Bugsy! (I needed help picking from my many many OCs lol)

I've never been great at tagging folks, so if you're a follower/mutual and want to fill it out, consider yourself tagged and feel free to @ me so I can read it as well!

✧˖°. PERSONAL

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed Notes: Bugsy is a second generation mutant bat, meaning that despite being a typically very unlikely circumstance he was born from 2 mutant bats that were created in a lab. Because of this he was born blind and doesn't have the best skeletal structure (on top of having multiple experimental implants and various other testing including those that have effected his strength and metabolism,) and sort of lives outside most class and caste structures on top of the organization that create him (the Coalition) labeling him as Feral for having escaped. He has a very fickle but intimate knowledge that he's sort of living due to the good graces of the current mercenary group he's found himself with and that this could very easily change due to a variety of reasons, even if it's near impossible for him to sit still when he experiences time at a much faster rate than a normal human/humanoid race does.

✧˖°. FAMILY

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) deceased ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable Notes: Despite his birth parents best efforts in the beginning of his life to hide him, once the Coalition had found out about his existence they were essentially forced to hand him over. He does not see anyone of the Coalition, scientist or not as any kind of family.

✧˖°. TRAITS + TENDENCIES

♦ extroverted / introverted / in-between♦ disorganized / organized / in-between ♦ close-minded / open-minded / in-between ♦ calm / anxious / in-between / highly contextual ♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in-between♦ cautious / reckless / in-between / highly contextual♦ patient / impatient / in-between ♦ outspoken / reserved / in-between / highly contextual ♦ leader / follower / in-between♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in-between / highly contextual♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in-between♦ traditional / modern / in-between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in-between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in-between / unknown ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown / highly contextual♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown / highly contextual Notes: Bugsy has a bad habit of constantly talking, especially when he's anxious (unless he feels like he's in serious danger in which he shuts up pretty quickly.) He's also just far more pessimistic than his outward attitude lets on, though a lot of that is because he can't afford becoming a doomer so he tends to keep his thoughts in the immediate present which also tends to make him look not very smart lol.

✧˖°. BELIEFS

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don't care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in the Afterlife: yes / no / don't know / don't care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don't know / don't care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don't know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in-between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual Notes: Okay so some of these just Are A Thing in his universe, but he does not believe in a higher being. Just beings being beings, some are stronger and more advantaged and that's just how it is.

✧˖°. SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual / questioning ❥ Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all Notes: I wouldn't call Bugsy asexual mainly because he's never really had the room to think about it. His feelings around relationships in general is that they're fragile and prone to break and as soon as they do then life gets more dangerous again. He'll stay in a potential found family but he knows its not set in stone. He knows. He also knows that people don't like the way he looks cause he's built weird and wrong so it's not worth devoting mental energy too.

✧˖°. ABILITIES

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none Notes: Even apart from the experimentations done to him, Bugsy has only ever been a mercenary outside being a test subject and has never needed any of these and therefore has never needed to be taught.

✧˖°. HABITS

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler Notes: Bugsy's M.O.M. implants (Mind Over Matter implants) make his perception of time waaaay different than a normal human's and also fuck over his many other senses, especially his senses of hearing, taste and smell. Everything Is A Lot All The Time And All The Time Happens So Much. He doesn't need stimulants he's already stimulated. Medications could probably help, but good luck figuring out what he needs and then getting him to take it.