#I want to meet someone I can trust with myself when I’m fragile and someone who trusts me with themself when they’re fragile

[midnight-talescape]

𝒟𝑜𝓁𝓁(𝐵𝓊𝒸𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒾 𝓍 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇)

Kinktober Day 23: Aphrodisiac (sorta)

Has it been like a week since I last updated? Maybe.

But trust I was writing during the week I just couldn’t finish it and I didn’t like how the one I finished look so I yeeted them :’(

I will probably rework them and then publish them after kinktober or something.

This is very ooc though, I really wanted to write Bucciarati unzipping reader so he can use them like a portable fuck toy, but that also seem super out of character unfortunately.

Warning: aphrodisiac like stand ability, inappropriate use of stand, he unzipped your limb and use you like a fuck toy, yes im kinky like that bite me, ooc, etc etc you get the point not for kid

Genre: filthy filthy smut

Word Count: 3.7kish

｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡

“Thank you, Bucciarati. We will sort out everything as soon as possible, before then they will be under your protection.”

He had nodded his head when Giorno explained the situation to him.

It was a simple job.

Be your bodyguard and protect you at all cost until Giorno sort out some business with your father.

Usually this sort of job wouldn’t fall onto him. Ever since he became the new underboss of Passione he’s usually helping Giorno with some other mission or attending meetings.

But this was different.

Your father was insistent on your safety being guaranteed and he was the best person for the job.

Or the only person for the job, since your father said that the other members of the team were either too immature, hotheaded, serious, or as he said (very aggressively, Bucciarati sigh as he remembered the look on your father’s face.)

“I will rather die then let that womanizer near my fucking child.”

Your father’s protectiveness over you, had left the only person he semi trust to take care of you in his wake, Bucciarati.

He sigh again before tidying up his suit and knocking on your door.

He was ready to face whatever challenge he may face in the next few weeks as he protect you.

What he hadn’t expected was the sound of his heart racing as the door open, and he finally saw you in all your glory.

｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡

You poke your head out of the door shyly as you heard the knock. Your eyes squinting slightly as you look up at him, unused to the bright sunlight, having stayed inside for most of your life.

“A-Are you Mr.Bucciarati?” You ask quietly before letting out several uncontrollable cough, causing Bucciarati’s eyes to furrowed in concern,

You were the opposite of anything he expected.

It was no secret that you were sickly, your father had made that abundantly clear. It was one of the reason why people rarely ever sees you in public and why your father was so protective of you.

But he had still expected someone who… acted more like the child of a Mafia Don. Someone who was perhaps a little spoiled under your father’s coddling.

He hadn’t expected you to be so shy and so… beautiful.

Beautiful and fragile, like you were made of glass and will break with a wrong move.

He mentally chastise himself for his thought before replying gently, his Italian accent softening his words, “Yes, i'm here to be your bodyguard for the moment until your father return."

His concern for you rise again as you breaks into coughs again. Without thinking, he steps closer and rub your back softly trying to soothe you.

"Are you alright, (Y/N)? Do you want to go inside?" he suggests giving you an encouraging smile, wanting to put you at ease in his presence. "I want to make sure you're taken care of.”

“I’m alright, Mr.Buccirati. I’m use to it already, thank you for your concern.” You answered meekly at his concerns, before opening the door wider so he can come in, “You don’t need to do anything, Mr.Bucciarati. I can take care of myself.”

"I'm sure you can, but it's my job to protect you. And that includes taking care if you during the time being," he replied firmly but kindly, closing the door behind him. His eyes briefly scanned the interior of your home, checking for any potential threats or areas of concern.

“Father’s too protective of me, I’m already a adult…” you said with a little huff, but there was a soft smile on your face,

You appreciated your father’s love for you even if he can be a little coddling, knowing that he only want the best for you.

He chuckle lightly as you huffed about your father's overprotective tendencies, his expression softening with understanding.

"Yes, I can imagine, he seems very protective of you."

His tone was teasing, but he couldn’t help but agreed with your father. While you might be technically an adult now, you still look…

Well, too delicate to be the heir of a mafia

He thought silently as he turned his attention back to you. He hesitated for a moment, before reaching out and gently brushed a stray lock of hair from your face, "And please, call me Bucciaratu. Mr.Bucciarati is too formal for my liking."

“…Bucciarati…”

"That's better,"

The corners of his mouth curve into a warm smile at the sound of your soft voice calling his name, it was a simple word yet somehow it sounded beautiful coming from you.

You look to the side as you see his smile, your face flushed in embarrassment as you quickly lead him to his room, “I will show you the place you will be staying at, Bucciarati…”

｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡

You’re a delicate flower that bloom in the darkest corner of Italy.

｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡

“You shouldn’t sleep here…” Bucciarati said softly as he spot your curled up form on the couch,

You look up at the sound of his voice, letting out a incoherent mumble before falling back onto the couch already asleep again.

With a sigh and a soft smile that he didn’t notice on his face, he gently carried you into his arm before heading towards your room.

“Let’s get you back to bed…”

As you buried yourself into his chest, you let out another mumble, not noticing the slight shiver that went up Bucciarati’s body as he felt your breathe against his bare chest.

Or the way his heart pound against his chest as he hold you close to him.

｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡

It all happened so fast.

You were attacked on your way back home, after being cooped up in your house for weeks.

Of course you tried protesting at first, but you had eventually relented under his firm gaze.

“Don’t move, Bucciarati…”

You quickly wrap his arm up with practice ease, your hand shaking as you finally finish tying the knot, “…I’m sorry…”

Bucciarati eyes narrowed ever so gently as he watch you bit your lip nervously, not understanding why you will be apologizing for something out of your control.

Beside the wound itself isn't too serious, barely something that he will care about if he was by himself.

"Don't apologize, this isn't your fault," he said firmly as he reaches out to give you a light pat on your head, wanting to comfort you, "Beside, i've had worse.”

But it was no use. Seeing the guilt that still linger on your face, he opened his mouth, wanting to say more. To reassure you, to comfort you, to wipe away the hint of tears in your eyes.

But suddenly his body froze, letting out a loud groan. His body starting to shake as he felt a sudden wave of heat wash over him, his hand desperately clawing at his suit.

“Bucciarati! What’s wrong?” Your voice filled with worry as you hold onto him, his body felt unnaturally warm under your hand, “Are you okay?”

Sweat start to form on Bucciarati’s face as he struggled to maintain his composure.

Something was terribly wrong.

He tried to move away from you, to distance himself before he hurts you. Before he do something that he will regret.

"Stay back... there’s something wrong with me..." he warn weakly, his eyes glazed over with lust as another wave of heat wash over him,

With that, he collapse against you. His arms instinctively wrapping around your waist as he buried his face in the crook of your neck.

"(Y/N)... I..." he breathes out helplessly, wanting to do so much more to you,

To be closer to you, to be inside you, but he couldn’t.

He shouldn’t.

But god does he want to...

“What’s wrong?” You asked again, your eyes wide at his uncharacteristic behavior, hesitating before wrapping your arm around him, “I-is there anything I can do?”

He grits his teeth at your word, trying desperately to regain control over himself and his actions. His hands were trembling as he gripped your waist. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, each beat echoing in his ears like a drum.

He wanted nothing more than to pull you closer, to press his lips against your soft skin, to feel every inch of your body against his...

"T-the enemies stand must have done something..." he manage to groan out, his voice strained, “…you need to stay away from me…”

The sudden wave of lust that coursed through him was overwhelming, and so wrong on so many levels.

He was supposed to protect you, not... not this.

With a deep, shuddering breath, he forced himself to release you.

"I... I need to leave," his voice hoarse with barely restrained desire. "I... I can't..."

As he continues rambling, trying to control himself and his flushed face, it felt like a lightbulb went off in your head as you realized what’s wrong.

You should let him leave.

But almost as though you was being bewitched, you grabbed onto his sleeve before whispering softly, “I can help you, Bucciarati…”

He froze at your words, staring down at you with a mixture of shock and desperation.

You couldn't possibly mean that, could you?

You were so innocent, so pure, and he was... he was a filthy dog, driven mad with lust.

He should leave, should put as much distance between you as possible. But the way you're looking at him, the way your fingers are curled around his sleeve... it's so tempting.

"(Y/N), you don't know what you're saying."

But even as those words leave his mouth, he can feel his resolve crumbling. He couldn't seem to make himself move, couldn't seem to tear his gaze away from your beautiful face. His hands come up to cup your face, his thumbs brushing gently over your fave as he leans in close.

"Please... tell me to stop..." he whispers, his lips mere inches from yours, "Tell me to leave before I do something we both regret."

You didn’t answer.

Your eyes flutter nervously as you lean in, pressing your lip against his, and for a moment, he stood there frozen. You were kissing him, and it was making his head spin.

He knew he should pull away, should put an end to this before it went any further. But the feeling of your soft lips against his, the slight tremble in your hands as they gripped his shirt... he couldn't bring himself to push you away.

Instead, he found himself deepening the kiss, his hands coming up to tangle in your hair as he pulled you closer. He could taste the faint hint of sweetness on your tongue, could feel the heat of your body seeping into his own.

It was pure insanity, the way you were affecting him. He wanted more, needed more. His hands began to roam over your body, slipping under your shirt to caress the soft skin beneath. He could feel your heart racing against his chest, could hear the slight hitch in your breath as his fingers trailed lower.

"Mi cara..." he rasps out between kisses, his voice low and husky with desire. "You have no idea what you're doing to me..."

“What do I do to you, Bucciarati?” You asked, you voice hoarse and you lip swollen from the kiss.

He stared at you the desperation in his eyes practically consuming him. You were driving him mad, and he couldn't seem to find the willpower to resist you.

"You make me want things I shouldn't want," he grits out, his hands fisting in your hair as he pulls you closer. "You make me forget who I am."

He could feel the heat building in his loin, could feel his body responding to your touch despite his best efforts to remain in control. His hips pressed forward instinctively, seeking friction against the soft curves of your body.

"I'm supposed to be protecting you,"

But instead he wants to explore every inch of you, to learn every curve and dip until he knows your body better than his own.

"Please, mi cara. Tell me what you want."

“I want you Bucciarati.”

Those three words sent him crumbling.

You want him.

You, with your sweet smile and innocent eyes, wants him - a mafioso who didn’t deserve you. You deserved so much more than this, so muchmore than him.

But the way you were looking at him, the way your body was pressed flush against his... it was enough to shatter what little control he had left. He could feel the last of his restraint snapping, replaced by a burning need that consumed him utterly.

"You don't know what you're asking for," but even as he said that, his hands roam your body with urgency, his cock straining against the confines of his pants.

He lifted you effortlessly into his arms, carrying you towards the nearest surface — a table, a countertop, anything that would allow him to lay you down and fuck you stupid.

You barely had a moment to breathe as you was placed onto the table, before he was on you again.

“S-slow down, Bucciarati…” you cried out softly, your neck arching up as he bit down.

Your clothing was already strewn across the living room, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from your form sprawled out beneath him. You look so small, so fragile, like a delicate little doll just waiting to be played with. The thought sent a thrill of excitement through him, his cock twitching eagerly in his pants.

Without warning his stand activated, Sticky Finger appearing behind you his hand hovering over your body, waiting for his command. You look up at him your eyes wide, innocent and full of trust that he didn’t deserve, so unaware of what was about to happen to you.

It was so fucking wrong.

You didn’t deserve what he wanted to do to you.

But he couldn’t help it.

“Please forgive me, mi cara…” was the only warning he gave before Sticky Finger swipe against your body,

You let out a surprise gasp as you felt your limb being disconnected from you.

“B-Bucciarati what’s happening…”

It wasn’t unpleasant to say the least, just strange and unexpected. But the feeling of helplessness, of not being able to move was terrifying.

Bucciarati didn't answer your question immediately. He couldn't. Not when you were looking at him with those big, confused eyes, tears glistening on your lashes. The sight of you lying there, your limbs scattered around you like broken doll parts, painfully erotic to him.

"Shh, it's okay mi cara," he murmured, reaching out to brush away the tears that had begun to fall. "Don't be scared. I won't hurt you."

But he knew they were a lie. He was already hurting you, he wanted nothing more than to use you like a toy, to pose your limbless body however he pleased and fuck you until you scream his name.

"You're going to be a good girl for me, aren't you?" he ask before he slipped two fingers into your tight pussy,

You cried out beneath him, your body jerking slightly at the sudden intrusion, But despite your pain you tried to stay still, not that you could move in your state.

“I-I will be good… I will be good for you, Bucciarati…” you said trying not to sob as your pussy was spread open on his fingers,

God, you were so perfect, so trusting even as he violated you in the most intimate way possible.

He hated himself for doing this to you, for taking advantage of your trusting nature. But he couldn't seem to stop himself as the lust course through him, couldn't resist the temptation you presented.

He tried to be gentle as he thrust his fingers deeper, but his cock throbbed almost painfully. His mind filled with imagine of all the deprave things he could do to your helpless body.

He could feel your walls fluttering around his digits, could hear the breathy little moans that spilled from your lips as he worked you closer and closer to the edge.

"That's it, mi cara," his free hand coming up to tweak one of your nipples roughly. "Be a good little doll for me."

You let out a loud wail as you was brought to the edge, your pussy clenching around his finger as he rammed into your g-spot.

He watched you come apart beneath him, hecould see the way your body shuddered and twitched as the orgasm tore through you. Only when you became a writhing, sobbing mess did he withdraw his fingers.

The sound of your crying made him want to keep you like this forever - helpless and dependent on him for everything. His little treasure, his perfect doll that he could play with whenever he wanted.

“W-wait… Bucciarati slow down… please…” you whimper as you felt him grabbing your waist, picking you up and aiming his cock at your pussy,

He could feel your fear, could hear it in the tremble of your voice as you beg him to slow down.

Part of him wanted to give in to your pleas, to be gentle and make sure you were ready for him. But a dark part of him wanted to abuse you, to use you like nothing but a toy.

"Shh, it will only hurt for a moment mi cara,"

And then he's pushing inside, stretching you open around his thick cock. You scream beneath him, your body trying to reject the intrusion. But there's nowhere for you to go, no way for you to escape.

He starts to move, setting a brutal pace that has you crying out with every thrust. Your pussy is so tight around him, gripping him like a vice. He can feel every flutter, every desperate clench of your walls as he pounds into you mercilessly.

Your cries turn to choked sobs as he pounded into you harder and harder, each brutal thrust tearing through your tight little cunt. You could feel every inch of his cock as it stretched you open, could feel the way it was reshaping your insides to fit him perfectly.

It hurt, god it hurt so bad. But there was something else too, something so satisfying in being use in this way that it makes your eyes roll back in your head. He was ruining you, destroying you with every snap of his hips. Breaking you down until all that was left was a mindless, needy thing that craved his cock.

“C-can’t… can’t take this anymore… gonna cum.. Bucciarati i’m gonna cum again!”

He could tell you were close again, could feel your pussy clenching down around him as he pounded into you mercilessly. The sight of your body jerking and twitching as another orgasm ripped through you, was almost enough to make him lose control and spill his cum inside you already.

"That's it, mi cara," he growled out, his hips snapping forward faster and harder with every word spoken. "Cum for me. Cum on my cock like a good little doll."

He could feel his own release approaching, could feel the tension coiling tighter and tighter in his loin. He wanted to fill you up, to paint your insides white with his seed until it leaked out of you for days.

With a feral snarl he reached down, fingers finding your clit and rubbing it harshly. Your scream echoed through the room as you came again, the orgasm bordering on painful.

As you try to come down from your high, Bucciarati’s mind finally cleared up. His face was filled with guilt and horrir as he saw the state you were in.

“I’m sorry, mi cara… I shouldn’t have lost control.” Bucciarati apologized as he quickly zipped up your limbs, holding you tightly in his arm as he try to figure out a way to make up his actions,

“It’s okay…” you said softly as you buried your face in his neck, “I asked for this, it’s okay. It’s not your fault…”

You guys stayed like that for a few moments. Basking in the afterglow and the consequences of what just happened.

Bucciarati only started moving again when he felt your eyes close, clearly tired from everything that you went through.

Placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he start carrying you to your room.

He will deal with the consequences if his actions.

Because after all.

He’s not letting you go.

[androidboy]

tl;dr i’ve reverted back to square one and decided to view myself as 🌸’s boy toy

everything with 🌸 has gotten confusing and idk where we’re at and i don’t think she knows what she wants from me but she makes it clear that she doesn’t want me to feel like she’s using me for sex and i’m trying to put up emotional barriers except the way my brain works is if i put her into the no romantic feelings zone then that’s done and not gonna change. been thinking about this all night and ive gone back and forth on how to think about this and first off next time we meet up i’m gonna ask her bc she always sounds worried that our dates aren’t Dates but then she’ll refer to us as “complicated friendship” or “hooking up” but then tell me she likes romance with me. i’m just gonna be like “i know we’re not in a relationship but do you consider us dating” which should be a clear answer considering we’ve been going on one date a week for over two months now

because i was Emotionally Fragile today i tried to view it as a friends with benefits thing but it really did make me wanna just emotionally shut off from her and i don’t want that so after hours of deliberation ive decided i’m just her boy toy. like maybe she doesn’t want to view it as using me but i do kinda feel like i’m just for sex and wooing that she can pick up and put back down again and i’m fine with that, i went into this thinking it’d be a fwb situation i just needed to feel like ive got footing in a way to view it all

like i’m getting positive attention and kisses and sex that i actually want and someone that makes me feel like i’m actually attractive and that i’m someone a person would want to go out of the way to spend time with and it’s all with a girl that i feel safe with and trust and that i’m attracted to. i don’t really care how it’s packaged and honestly i can’t imagine anyone wanting to just be with me and idk when i would experience this next so like. idk i feel way more clearheaded and less anxious about it all now

[themythscometolife]

The Crane Wives: “Coyote Stories” Sentence Prompts

“When I was a child, my nerves ran wild.” “Nothing worth doing comes easy.” “No amount of fear will keep you safe.” “What if the step I take turn out to be mistakes?” “I loved you like the sun.” “I swear I didn’t mean what I said.” “You caught me in a moment weak.” “Sometimes I just can’t help myself.” “Are we allies or enemies?” “Do we bow out and take our separate roads?” “All is fair in love and ware, but I can’t fight with you anymore.” “But now my love is gone and I am left unraveling.” “I never knew that I needed you.” “I once loved a man who kissed me once before he left.” “I’m trying to make something of myself.” “I’m one deep breath away from a breakdown.” “The world is hostile, and I’m fragile and I need someone to kiss the cuts and tell me to keep trying.” “Does everybody have it together or are we all pretending?” “Can we all admit that we don’t have it figured out?” “But we best get a move on, or the devil we will meet.” “Drop dead sprint, my darling, now.” “That monster’s coming and it don’t care for you or me.” “You can’t trust a single thing I say.” “Don’t look too hard, cause you won’t like the scars he left in me.” “And all these words are sweet and meaningless.” “No man should stand to work all of his days and have nothing at the end of them.” “I got no money but the change that jingles in my pocket.” “My papa taught be how to howl, how to bear my teeth and growl.” “The hand that feeds deserves to be bitten when it beats.” “I swear that I loved you.” “I hear something calling me.” “Leave me weakened and dig my hole.” “But try as I might, I couldn’t bring myself to hold you.” “There are times where I still wonder about you.” “You are someone I have loved but never known.” “You’ll never see the reasons I had for keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you.” “I am selfish, I am broken, I am cruel.” “Do you ever think of me and my two hands?” “Sometimes I feel like I’m lost in a desert.” “I want to believe there’s something left for me.” “I want to kindle a love that doesn’t age.” “I want you to prove me wrong.”

[flyforever]

To Bike Rides Without Helmets

What is left of the

               Broken pavement

That we trusted more than our eyes

          What is left of my

                             Eloquent words

                                              Besides

                                    Mornings

Of timeless starlight

                             That

                                    Wishes

                                              To

                                                  Say

                                        Goodbye

To Nabokov and the Abyss

Time is always running out

Falls with the fading sunlight

Trekking towards an unknown route

Silently walking towards endless night

Love always floods with abundance

No matter the storm in the sky

United by time’s redundancy

We join our hands as we lie

Facing the abyss of the unknown

To My No Longer Best Friend

Time slows down until quiet consumes the hours

Sentiment of words

Lost to silence, decay of old feelings

Forget all I said for love is now dead

Although insistent,  

persistently I still pursued the past  

And though I look back she moves forward

Always walks away

While my heart frays with introspective days

Earth released her first breathe as a gentle little hum

While My heart echoed the leaves of brittle autumn

Longing for life, summer that reminds me of her name

Even though it burnt the tip of my tongue all the same

Enraptured as infatuation was redefined

By the curves of the letter m and little lines

How easy it was to lose myself in what she said

Her words softer than my own, reminding me of red

Heat and joy compared to my own—empty, vacant

Hollow as wind while she could make a curse decent.

She spoke everything, nothing, the same things in new ways,

A vibrant masterpiece for someone who awoke a few miles north.

While I repeat her memory for more than it’s worth.

I overrun those memories in repetition

Until they all fall flat in their own depletion

I imagine there was a way I could have kept her

There’s a universe where our friendship could’ve stayed pure

If only I could find a way to diminish

The words I bound before our friendship was finished

Inside a letter I had once signed, concluded “with love”

I knew her and I knew better I should have thought of

My feelings as infatuation for maybe

I could say hello before she said bye, you see

There were nights we had danced separately

Closely while our steps

Echoed in the dawn where I’m forgotten

I never knew the meaning of “perfect”

‘Til little moments

When darkness consumed us in the night then

Earth was illuminated by her smile

I forgot to breathe  

For a second that felt like a minute

She began to talk. I remembered to exhale.

Her voice would claim the silence of my own so pale

And fragile while she spoke everything between us

She might’ve forgot in her laughter so contagious

The silent words I had longed to share or she knew

It was better that way except when not, for you

Know that eyes can speak more, though easy to ignore

Perhaps my affections were too easy to deplore

Or she may not have heard me while walking away

So how could I ever blame her if she didn’t stay

Eventually her absence will feel more natural

Maybe I could convince myself that we ran out of things to say

And I will breathe fresh, open air amongst quiet pathos

To My Love

If you

        Want

                 A

                   Sorry

                          Look

                                 To

                                    Her

To Another Language

Weiß virum aura

And my mind is burning

With words I hardly understand

Too distant to string together

Though they sit on the tongue

light as a feather

To The Woman Who Was Forgotten

I used to love you

Long before I loved myself

I thought that your words

Were more important than my good health

Of mind lost to loneliness

And memories of bleeding hearts

That blushed pink above the bluebells

The cherry blossom that rose in the sunlight

Only to freeze within your touch

A history of flowering thoughts

That died with our love

Before 2019

I saw your face in the morning light

Where miles away you always smile.

Except on the days the birds quiet

While the clouds mutter their soft cries.

There is a place which no longer exists

Where summers were simple and we were comfortable

And to have your company was for all I wished.

But love is a nightmare and dreams delectable

And it’s easier to sleep than to meet you in the morning.

Though I long to touch you,

Fingers lingering over your heart

Sometimes goodbyes are easier to hold onto than you are.

Maybe you love me too,

But someday I will love her.

And she’ll greet me in the morning light

Where we’ll always love and rarely fight.

Maybe then I can say goodbye,

But until then I now fear

You’re all I have besides my tears.

To my Childhood

Timeless effortless wasted effervescence

Of a girl who always wanted to be older

So she could walk down whatever street she liked

And make friends with whomever without her mother to chide

Growing up was about adventure until it was about make up

And boys she never truly wanted to kiss

But they drove her far from home and that was enough

For a moment it felt like love

Way Before 2019

Before & After & Back Again

Just a child waking up in the wrong place.

I forgot where I fell asleep until grandma sings

“good morning, good morning, it’s time to start the day.”

‘The day starts a bit too early here’, and I begin

Amongst bright yellow walls. Too cheerful for me,

Grandpa laughs. Grandma sings, but it’s morning.

And grandma smiles while she drinks coffee.

I never did see her add a dash of milk

Yet she smiles as if it’s so sweet.

Breakfast is made and my stepdad arrives. I think

‘my mom said he lives for schedules.’ He’s never late

And she’s right. He’s always there in time to drink

A cup of coffee with grandpa, but we never debate;

We’re out the door when he says Reagan, Bush, or Republicans.

And I’m on my way to school before eight.

Years later they move out and we move in

And I don’t tell mom she put the mugs in the wrong place.

I remind myself that change is not a sin.

(until I wake one morning with a new taste

For cheerful mornings I used to hate.)

Fate, Otherwise Known As…

If you lose direction you might head towards fate.

A destination with no heart, mindless fate,

You can listen to it hum and where it flows

From eternity’s basket grows. Timeless fate

Holds the future that waits as a mystery,

As a construction of history. Predetermined fate,

For people constructed walls, wars, and words before

They confined the world forevermore. Instructed fate

Lives in constructed notions, bias, and days forgotten

That wait to alter our minds before first breathe. Divine fate

Could be a trail of history, the remains of civilizations,

Values unconsciously obtained through dictation. Universal fate—

We impose a great democracy, but freedom will remain a concept.

So now a young Lamb considers what is: evident, intractable fate.

To Love Her

Sometimes I recall the cadence

Hear the rise and fall of vowels

Dancing amongst consonants.

Golden voice of hers now rests

Captured near a cherished alcove

Trapped in sound, in reverie

Summer lives eternally

Inside moments she forgot of.

Soon my memory fades too

Disappears until only tied

To the day when she was mine.

(When impulse claims the rational and leaves me here as nothing to fall towards nothing [onto my knees] all I have left is leaving.)

2/21/18

I never found peace

from starting over again.

I never felt bliss

found in a stranger’s kiss.

When I simply wanted,

needed to see an old friend.

Dedicated To

Long ago summers meant water flavored by raspberries or a garden hose and memories of joy sparked by a sprinkler

My yard too small and yours plagued by thistles

The smell of a pasture still reminds me of you

Country girls with golden curls and a young boy herding cattle

I wonder

Since this reminds me of you which senses lead you to a small city where my mom wouldn’t let us run further than the fourth house on the block

I remember

Strangers who insisted we were cousins

Who would not trust a young girl introducing her young aunts and uncle

They did not comprehend the hours we spent growing up together

Mine is a splintered family tree,

Trailing in tangled roots and memories

Broken branches and betrayals

And waiting for the next one to break

To the Woman I Used to Be

To close away my heart

is the last thing that makes sense

It is the first thing that is needed

To dispose of my aching love of despair

Find me heartbroken

In love and no longer enchanted

To Everyone:

The Reason Why I Still Write

A Final Note

If I cannot speak in syllables

If you do not wish me to

Then I have symbolism

Rhymes

Esoteric and outdated

But at least I can speak

–But who will listen?

Me

–As always

[rpstartersinc]

* 𝐄𝐘𝐄  𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐘.

feel free to change pronouns / wording!

“ you gonna talk to me or not? ”  

“ you’ve been gone for three days. ”  

“ i think i can look after myself. ”  

“ people go missing every day. ”  

“ how do you know that? i never told you that. ”  

“ they’re gonna catch you one day. ”  

“ a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. ”  

“ i know, i’m sorry i’m late. ”  

“ prettier than your picture. ”  

“ you didn’t tell me that. ”  

“ they’re all liars, playing their online games. ”  

“ now i have to kill you. ”  

“ human life... so delicate, so fragile. ”  

“ i need someone real, someone who understands. ”  

“ is that a line? ‘cause that’s a bad line. ”  

“ you know i don’t believe in labels. ”  

“ justify it any way you want, you still broke the law. ”  

“ i almost needed therapy for that breakup. ”  

“ i’m living my life, and a man doesn’t define it. ”  

“ you remember that i’m a hacker, right? ”  

“ understand that’s a loaded weapon you have in your hands. ”  

“ we are so doomed as a generation. ”  

“ can we grab a drink sometime? ”  

“ haven’t you heard? i’m all reformed now. ”  

“ someone’s watching me. ”  

“ i had a peeping tom, once. put a giant mirror in my window, made him stare at himself all night. ”  

“ too ‘love me, stalk me, kill me?’ ”  

“ technology isn’t bringing us closer together, it’s allowing us to treat people as disposable. ”  

“ but is technology or the way human nature uses technology to blame? ”

“ he’s pretty cute for a madman. ”  

“ i’m just messing with you. ”  

“ you’re dating stalkers now? ”  

“ don’t drink and date stalkers. ”  

“ this guy knows exactly what he’s doing. ”  

“ yep, that’s not legal. ”  

“ you’re gonna need more than a hunch. ”  

“ i’m staying with you. ”  

“ i don’t believe in guns. ”  

“ you made it this far, but we are just getting started. ”  

“ the camera doesn’t lie. ”  

“ she’d still be alive if you’d done your job. ”  

“ i think you’re thinking about it a lot. ”  

“ you are not some superhuman person. ”  

“ i just notice that you come in here a lot. ”  

“ you think this impresses me? ”  

“ people like me don’t work for people like you. ”  

“ i kinda lost faith in authority. ”  

“ flowers are a bit much, aren’t they? ”  

“ how did you know where i live? ”  

“ i need you to be straight up with me. is there a serial killer in my house right now? ”

“ well, he didn’t slit our throats. that’s a good start. ”  

“ wanna go on a date? ”  

“ yes, i’m on a payphone. so strangers like you can’t crank call me. ”

“ i didn’t want us in some noisy room surrounded by a bunch of people. ”

“ you gonna give me an idea of where we’re going? ”  

“ i don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like beer. ”  

“ makes you realize how temporary everything is. ”  

“ i don’t know what i would do if anything happened to you. ”  

“ are you trying to flirt with me? ”  

“ pulling out someone’s teeth sure isn’t a great character trait. ”

“ he feels powerful... arrogant. ”  

“ that’s an extraordinary power, a delicious responsibility. ”  

“ thought you’d like a snack. it’s a croissant. it’s french for doughnut. ”

“ if only we could meet properly. ”  

“ please don’t sleep with him. ”  

“ it’s easier for me to emotionally process when we don’t use such crude words. ”

“ we’re not not having a life because of this freak. ”  

“ whoever this killer is knows we’re watching. ”  

“ an equal opportunity serial killer... at least he’s got that going for him. ”

“ you only do that when you’re trying not to gossip. ”  

“ remember, homicide carries a minimum sentence of twenty years. ”

“ you know what these guys do when they get an audience? they perform. ”

“ it’s gonna get a lot more scary. ”  

“ there’s a man missing. ”  

“ bad news, you’re fired. just kidding. ”  

“ sometimes you gotta stand back to get the full picture. ”  

“ it’s so easy it terrifies me. ”  

“ the internet’s a place where you can create an illusion, show people only what you want them to see. ”  

“ you’re not answering my calls. ”  

“ how did you even know it was my birthday? ”  

“ you a cop? you smell like a cop. ”  

“ you can’t just ignore my calls. ”  

“ how could you write up that story? ”  

“ nobody does flowers anymore. ”  

“ creeped you out, didn’t i? ”  

“ perfection doesn’t exist. ”  

“ people have no idea the trail of information they expose to the world. ”

“ you gonna answer that? ”  

“ what we don’t see, we don’t know. ”  

“ my dad’s terrible with directions, too. ”  

“ we’re all looking for something, isn’t that why we’re here? ”  

“ someone is playing some sick joke on you. ”  

“ my date turned into a three-way with a madman. ”  

“ i’ll never get that visual out of my head. ”  

“ saying bad things about bad people doesn’t always end well. ”

“ by throwing a party in protest you’re simply provoking him. ”  

“ the killer is obsessed with you. ”  

“ just because he’s gone silent doesn’t mean he’s not a threat. ”

“ if he wanted to kill me, i’d be dead already. ”  

“ i don’t believe in bad luck. ”  

“ women can be serial killers too. ”  

“ think you know me? that you can catch me? ”  

“ careful, you might have a concussion. ”  

“ just thought we should chat in private. ”  

“ everybody turns bad for a price. ”  

“ you’re not afraid? you should be. ”  

“ i promise you won’t feel a thing. ”  

“ i hate flowers, they die so quick. ”  

“ how do you sleep at night? ”  

“ i am really not in the mood to chitchat. ”  

“ i don’t think i understand that kind of obsession. ”  

“ you’re looking at me like you didn’t want my help. but you took it, didn’t you? ”

“ do i have to kill someone else to get your attention? ”  

“ sure looks like a motive to me. ”  

“ don’t you just wish there was a way to get back at him? ”  

“ if something happens to you it’s my fault. ”  

“ you’re gonna get caught. ”  

“ did i scare you? ”  

“ doesn’t it creep you out a bit that the killer hasn’t killed anyone recently? ”

“ you don’t have an apocalypse plan? ”  

“ he didn’t die peacefully, i can tell you that. ”  

“ just warn me if anyone comes back. ”  

“ you had no right to go through my things. ”  

“ do you not see how bad this is? ”  

“ is that a dead body? i’ve never seen a dead body. ”  

“ i’ve killed a lot of people, all for you. ”  

“ do you know how dangerous it is for a person like me to have access to this kind of stuff? ”  

“ monsters are made. ”  

“ you shouldn’t be here. ”  

“ too many people have died because of me. ”  

[candescentclitoria]

Item: Doubt

Pairing: Alcina Dimitrescu x Gender Neutral! Reader

Warnings: Pouty, Angry Alcina. Vanity being thrown.

Co-Writer/Editor: @lissett108

A/N: This took a long time, but here you go! I hope you enjoy!

Your hair stood on end, a shiver raced down your spine and a lump came into your throat- you didn’t know what you did. She had never been angry enough to throw things, let alone throw those things at you. Now, you sat in one of the many hidden passages of the castle, your need to hide from Alcina great in your instincts.

 A few hours earlier, you were on your way to go see her, the book you were reading in the library long finished.

Your hand reaches to push open the door, your other hand holds the next book you wish to read with Alcina. “Cina, I found another book I want to read with you, maybe we can start tonight?” 

A yell escapes your girlfriend as she throws her vanity at you, her eyes red rather than their normal gold. You jump back and fall, the book in your hand landing in front of you. Tears begin to gather in your eyes and your body shakes. Your breathing begins to shake as well, was she throwing the vanity at you? What did you do and why was she trying to hurt you for it? 

You didn’t try to ask her, you couldn’t. Your legs had a mind of their own at this point and they decided it’s time to get away from the threat that your girlfriend posed to your life: if she even was your girlfriend anymore. You didn’t know. 

You hear Alcina cry your name out behind you, but you continue to run. She said she would never hurt you and yet doubt starts to creep in. Perhaps she didn’t mean what she said, maybe she just wanted your trust. 

Heavy footsteps sound out from behind you and whimpers fall from your lips. She was getting closer by the second. Your passage was just up ahead, A few more steps come on [Name]! 

“[Name], please! I beg you, let me explain!” You shake your head, tears streaming down your cheeks. Your hands tremble with the force of a thousand thunderstorms as you touch the wall. Hells fury knew no limits compared to your girlfriend. Regardless if she loved you, the fury was no limit to what you were just exposed to. Yet, as fearful as you were, doubt crept in like the uninvited. How could something like this be after all this time? Where were your instincts, mind, and heart in the matter? You love her, but how blind are you to her vampiric nature? Eventually, your hand grazes the right place, a wall opens and soon it was you and the darkness of doubt. Maybe it was bad timing, maybe it was the book, or maybe just you? Her strength and ferocity was something you had yet to witness but not in this form. You always thought she would protect you, not scare you- maybe it was you. Something had trailed you away from the entrances and soon you were left with only an empty room and your thoughts. Alcina’s voice had faded out to soft whimpers and low whispers of anxiety. She was somewhat close yet somewhat far. Is this what you had forgotten? The fear of becoming replaced and forgotten had crept around like a coiling snake- yet doubt was the only poison your body felt. The fear of not being enough and her deciding to off you herself. When did you become so fragile? 

Hours pass, your tears long gone and your fatigue growing by the minute. You have no clue what time it is, but you’re sure it's night by now. A yawn escapes your lips and you lean your head back against the wall behind you. You stretch your legs and move to stand but a creak stops you. You look to your left and jump, pushing yourself into the corner furthest from her. Alcina stands before you, her hands held up. “[Name], please listen to me. I didn’t know you were there and I wasn’t throwing my vanity at you. I had just gotten off the phone with Mother Miranda. She still wants to go through with the ceremony, even after everything that Winters boy has done. I let my anger get the best of me. Please, I beg that you believe me, I would never hurt you.”

For a moment the feeling was fleeting, just like your doubt, but before you was the woman you loved, begging for forgiveness. “Cina.” your voice cracks with sudden worry and fear. “You- I.. Did I do something? Something that already had you angry at me?”

“No! No my love you could never! He.. he’s still running amok in the castle and Mother Miranda is more concerned with the ceremony than the threat he poses to all of us, especially you. I thought she would care, but I was wrong. She doesn’t care about anything besides her pleasure. I’m so sorry that you thought I was mad at you.” Alcina pauses and moves her hand to her mouth, tears begin to run down her face. Her body begins to shake as she sobs. “Please forgive me.. please don’t leave me.”

As your eyes scan her face for any traces of lying, your hands clench the fabric of your dress, and you whimper. “How do I know you won’t hurt me in the future? How do I know I won’t be thrown to the side and forgotten like some worthless doll?” Alcina looks up at you and moves to cup your face, but you pull back with a flinch. “Alcina Diane, why should I trust you?” The cold air had bled through the walls so secretly that it felt like someone was going to fall off and never return, the rift forming between you and your lover growing by the second.

 “Tell me why.” You ask again, but more directly. A look of sadness washes over the face you used to love to kiss so much. Right now, you couldn’t fathom the idea of placing your lips on hers, your doubts and worries too fresh to allow it. Alcina lets go of the breath she was holding in her throat. “I’ll start from the beginning.”

The look on her face was that of pain, she felt like her world was shattering. How could I forget that humans were so fragile in both mind and body? Alcina asks herself. Her lover hadn’t known of her ferocity or how intense she could be but now was the time for reassurance and sincerity. 

“I saved you from being attacked by a Lycan before I knew you or even before you knew of me, I rushed to you.” She responds honestly and gets as close to her lover’s height as possible. She doesn’t reach out to her love, but she leaves her gloved hand out. 

“I refused and fought mother Miranda to keep you alive and in my castle because…” she cuts out. Slowly but surely, she composes herself.

“I love you and I will protect even from myself if I must.” She says, holding her hand out to her lover as reassurance. With a small amount of force, her lover’s hand grips her own but was shaking.

“I’m afraid because I’m new to this, new to you. Alcina please let me know of you fully.” Slightly taken aback Alcina gently lets herself touch heads with her lover’s to show a new form of intimacy. 

“Ask me anything, anything about myself. There may be things I’m not completely ready to talk about, but if there is I’ll let you know eventually. I’ve known you for nearly a year, but there are still things I’m working up to tell you, just as you have things you’re working up to tell me as well.”

You nod and place your hand on her shoulder, “That’s fair. Just let me know about your personality. How you tick, what makes you mad, sad. I want to be able to help and I can’t unless you let me. I now know that Mother Miranda tends to piss you off, so maybe I can help. I know you like cuddling, maybe we can cuddle after a phone call with her? Maybe something more if needed.” 

A small chuckle escapes your lover's lips and she leans down, placing her lips on your forehead. “Yes, that’s completely true. I do admire and look up to her, but she doesn’t care as much as I thought she did. She doesn’t care that Winters poses a threat to all of us, yes that includes you.” Hands run up your back and pull you closer to Alcina’s body, her face nuzzling into your neck. “When the girls make messes with their prey, I tend to get irritated. Especially when they let their prey escape and run around the castle. That not only poses a threat to our business but to you as well. I don’t want to take a chance on you getting hurt, I know it’s selfish but I can’t lose you.” You place your hands on her cheeks and pull her down to face you. “You’re not going to lose me. Honestly, I thought you wanted me gone, you threw the vanity and I thought that was your way of telling me to leave.”

Alcina shakes her head quickly and places her gloved hands on your cheeks. “Never my love! I would never want you gone, floarea mea mica. You mean the world to me. Before I met you, I was indeed content, I was used to being alone romantically and focusing on my daughters and Mother Miranda. Then you came in and stole my love, stole my daughter's love. We all love you and couldn’t imagine life without you Draga mea. You’re our little flower. I’ll spend the rest of eternity making sure you know that I love you. Making sure you know I’ll want you forever.”

You can't hold back the whimper in your throat at Alcina's words. She didn't want you gone, you meant the world to her. A smile crosses your face and you pull Alcina close to you. “I'll still be wary, I'm not used to seeing you that angry, let alone angry enough to throw things. It scared me. Alcina nods and pulls you into her lap. “I completely understand lubirea mea, It will take time and I can deal with it, I can wait. I want you to know that you can trust me and know that I would never harm you. I can't fathom the thought.” 

Gentle kisses are placed across your face, large hands set on the small of your back. “What else can I do to assure you Draga mea? Îmbrățișări? Sărutări? Cină?” You giggle at the change in her language and pull her down so her lips meet yours. With the little Romanian you know, you speak, 

“Tinandu-ma, Alcina, va face.”

[yesimwriting]

Tranquility

A/n about time i wrote something for my privateer,, my love, Nikolai Lantsov

Summary: You and Nikolai are masters of being a couple without actually dating, and the only thing threatening that is the way Nikolai gets after having a nightmare. 

--

Tranquility. So rare for a world on the cusp of war. I guess that’s what the difference between a world at war and a world only boarding on it, the occasional glimmers of goodness, peace. I shift cautiously, careful to not disturb Nikolai. He is tranquility, especially in the few moments in which he allows himself to rest. Not long ago, I found his trips to my bed in the middle of the night strange. But now I only think of the oddness of it when I can’t fall asleep and I find myself enjoying the peaceful lull of his even breaths more than I should. I think a lot of things we do are more indulgent than they should be. 

Nikolai only comes to visit me when the bags under his eyes become noticeable and his humor falls flatter than normal. I tell myself he takes my comfort because he trusts me to some extent and I give it to him willingly when he seeks it. I’m not fully innocent. I take his peace, his touch and warm sentiments, when they are offered to me. But now I’m bordering on something else. Something much more devastating. 

This isn’t something I can afford to think about, to weigh on. Not now when war is on its way and Nikolai already has so much to worry about. Perhaps I’ll mention this to Alina and she’ll manage to give me some type of perspective, but that isn’t something I should do now. When the world has ended or is made safe, then I will sort through the significance of the way my heart stalls or speeds up for him and him alone. 

I should just try to fall asleep again. If I do, when I wake up again Nikolai will either already be gone because of his duties or he’ll make some kind of joke about how fortunate I am to wake up to such a sight before trying to coax me back to bed. I shouldn’t want that.

Ugh. He’s so pretty, I hate it. It’s unfair--one cannot expect someone to have someone like Nikolai dote on them, playfully or otherwise, and not catch some type of connection. Even in sleep, with his golden hair disheveled, parted lips, and fluttering eyelids he’s unfairly attractive. I sigh, the irony of the situation twisting my stomach--if he knew my thoughts his ego would bask in them. 

As if he can feel my conflict, his defined eyebrows draw together, his placid expression turning harsh. I tense, watching as that look only hardens. Is he...okay? It wouldn’t be the first time he’s had some kind of nightmare. Nikolai’s lips press together, and then he makes a noise. A sad, discomforted sigh. 

The remnants of my drowsiness disappear at that. I place a hand on his shoulder thoughtlessly, shaking him once. “Nikolai.” I keep my voice low and soft. His expression stays hard, “Wake up, it’s not…” He lets out another broken sound. I shake him a little more determinedly. “It’s not real.” 

Nikolai’s eyelids flutter once more, and he’s pushing himself upwards, sitting up and breathing harshly. My hand falls off his shoulder, but I think it’s better this way. He needs space to realize that he’s safe. 

Taking two shallow breaths, Nikolai turns his head. I watch him carefully, resisting the instinctual urge to help him, to comfort him and chase away the darkness that wants to engulf him. 

“Y/n?” His voice is so fragile a part of me doesn’t recognize it as his. 

I nod my head once, folding my hands in my lap to avoid reaching for him. “You’re okay. It was just a dream.” 

His gaze flits from my face to the ruffled blankets draped over me. He’s silent and still. Two things he should never be for a long period of time. Nikolai shifts slowly, as if still trapped in a daze. I let his hand take mine from my lap and pull it towards him. He squeezes my hand once, bringing my knuckles to his lips. I inhale sharply as he exhales, warm breath burning my skin. And then his lips brush against each knuckle. I let him, fighting not to let myself be reduced to a puddle. 

Nikolai lifts my hand, coaxing my palm open before placing it on his cheek. I brush my thumb down his cheek. He lets out a breath, the sound is soft yet it leaves my heart raw. 

I don’t say anything as he moves his hand down my arm, fingertips leaving my skin electrically charged as he always does. He pauses once his hand is on my shoulder. I let him grip me harder than I normally would. It feels like I am an anchor, weighing him in place so that the dark cannot take him away from me. 

My lips part, but I have no words to offer him, not when I don’t know the extent of his torment. Nikolai’s hand brushes past the sleeve of my nightgown and across my collarbone. I swallow once, dropping my gaze to avoid the sharpness of the look he’s giving me. 

“You’re heavy sometimes,” I keep my voice low, “I wish I could--” 

“You do,” his voice leaves no room for argument. The tone is filled with a tension that he has never used on me. “You do everything.” 

“And you are everything.” His expression softens at my words. It feels like a reward in a way. 

Nikolai moves forward, the bed makes a noise as he rustles the sheet. I don’t bother asking what he’s doing. He’s always touchier than usual after a nightmare, breaking even more social rules than normal. I let him place his head in the crook of my neck while ignoring the warmth that pushes itself into my chest as he adjusts himself against me. I hesitate before placing my hand on his back even though I know he’d never reject me. He lets out a breath at the additional contact, adjusting himself so that he’s even more against me. I move my hand up and down his back.

The urge to ask him about what his dreams are about bubbles in my chest, but I ignore it. If he wanted to speak about it, he would. 

“Things are easier with you.” His voice is so delicate it’s almost hard to bear. His hand presses into my side and my breathing stiffens as a result.“I’m glad you’re here.” 

I meet his gaze as he tilts his head upwards. “Of course I am, how could I ever resist someone as wonderful as you?”

The corner of Nikolai’s lips tug upwards, a sign that he appreciates my attempt at humor. “You’re not wrong, darling.” I roll my eyes as he grins, ignoring the way my stomach tightens as he presses his face into my shoulder to hide his amusement. “You’re the wonderful one.” 

I smile slightly, sarcastic retort dying in the back of my throat as something in Nikolai shifts. His eyes have taken on a simple, dark quality. I’ve seen this tension in him before, but I’ve never understood it. Nikolai tilts his head slightly, regarding me with more intensity than I know how to deal with. He shifts closer until I can feel his breath on the edge of my jaw. And then I feel his lips brush against skin. Testing, cautious. I don’t move. He must take this as a good sign because he then presses his lips further up my jaw. Again and again, always gentle, always fragile--always more welcomed than it should be. 

I close my eyes, indulging in the feel of his touch, and then I feel him touch my cheek. The contact is feather light as my eyes flutter open. He’s close in a different way now, lips two centimeters away from mine. 

This means nothing to him, this is nothing to him. It is just a way to push through pain he refuses to share with me. “Nikolai.” It’s meant to be a warning, but it comes out as a breathy sigh. “Nikolai…” A little stronger, he pauses, face a centimeter from my face. 

“Y/n.” My name is soft grace on his lips. 

My eyes shut. “You can’t--you can’t kiss me just because you need to be distracted.” 

His eyebrows draw together and then he straightens. The distance between us leaves me colder than before. “Do you really think that?” 

I press my lips together. “We should just go back to sleep--” 

“Y/n,” he sighs once, “Is that what you think?” 

I stare at the blankets, gripping the fabric. “Does it matter?” 

“Yes.” His voice is hard, losing all touches of irony. “It matters.” I stay silent, avoiding Nikolai’s gaze. “Out of all the reasons I want to kiss you, being distracted isn’t even on the list.” 

My head snaps in his direction. What is he implying? “What?” 

“Y/n,” his hand is on my arm, warm and tempting, “I want to kiss you because when you smile it feels like all the bad goes away. I want to kiss you because you bite your bottom lip when you’re thinking and then that’s the only thing I can think about. I want to kiss you for the same reason I come to your room whenever I want to rest. You’re my tranquility.” My eyes soften at his words, my mind racing at the implications of them. “You’re biting your lip again, darling, and it’s torture.” 

On instinct, my lips part slightly. He doesn’t move closer or farther away. I exhale slowly, trying to push away the electric current the potential of this moment is stirring. Nikolai’s hand moves up my arm and settles on my cheek. 

His thumb brushes against my cheek, making me melt. “I want to kiss you because when I’m with you all of the bad, all of the uncertainty disappears.” 

Nikolai leans forward slightly, breath warm near my skin. “Is that all?” 

If his touch wasn’t so enticing I’d roll my eyes at such a blatant attempt to get a compliment. But his touch is all consuming, especially when he moves to run his thumb across my bottom lip. “No--you’re also ridiculously enticing, but something tells me you don’t need me to add to your ego.” 

He grins, shifting impossibly closer before finally letting his lips meet mine. The contact is everything I’ve ever needed, his lips warm and inviting and eager. I kiss him back easily, melting into him like that’s where I’ve always belonged. Nikolai pulls away slowly, drawing out the kiss and letting his teeth graze my bottom lip.

“For the record, you’re the only ego boost I need.” He smiles lazily, hand not leaving my cheek. “You’re my peace, y/n,” he exhales flatly, “Please remember that.” 

There’s something strangely sleepy yet revered about his tone. “Of course I will,” I hum, letting him rest his head against my chest, “You’re my peace, too.” 

“Sometimes when I dream I see you and then I lose you.” Nikolai’s tone leaves my heart sore as he adjusts against me. 

“You’re not losing me,” I whisper, eyes fluttering shut. “Ever.” He exhales gently. “Get some sleep--you never get enough rest.” 

He squeezes me once, pressing a quick kiss to my collar. “Whatever you want.” 

I half roll my eyes, too tired to to call him out on his teasing, the lull of sleep strengthened only by the weight of him against my chest. 

 --

general tag list: @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy  @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

[happyselves]

Pacify Him { Daniel Ricciardo x reader } /// WARNING EXPLICIT ///

Chapter : One shot Rating : Mature / Explicit / NSFW Words : 3,622 words

“Pacify her, she is getting on my nerves, hold your bitch before I push her away. You’re free to bring anyone here as long as they are behaving, but her … I don’t judge the person you are seeing, obviously I could give two shits about it but please tell her to calm herself down … This isn’t professional.”

You were fuming as you entered Daniel’s driver room,as his PR assistante you never interfere in his frequentation, but when it was impacting the reputation of the team and bugging people visiting the motorhome you had to step him. You calm yourself after a few breaths, stepping aside from Daniel a bit before looking at him again.

“ I didn’t mean to come that hard on you Daniel, but please you know how this is important right. You always ask for my honest opinion and there it is, I didn’t mean it for it to step out this hard on you but I can’t apologize for my words when I was thinking about them. She is toxic for you, she brings the bad in you when you are someone adorable usually. What is happening to you that you don’t trust me enough anymore to tell me when something is going wrong ? And before you are shushing me off, you know I am right, you and I are a package deal. “

He was defeated, not even looking at you, his whole body was shutting down and his legs were giving up on him. He takes the closest seat near him, almost falling and barely able to sit gracefully like he used to do.

“ I don’t know … I am so lost, I keep doing stuff wrong, I can’t find my soul anymore, I’m not very myself recently, I can’t even find my smile being genuine in the morning when I wake up in the morning. I’m putting a mask for people to see, but I’m like an empty shell. This bitch as you call her is only here to distract me and try to make me feel alive. She is nothing and it was a mistake to bring her… “

You were very concerned about Daniel’s attitude, it was the first time since you have known him that he worries about you right now. You were kneeling in front of him, trying your best not to invade his personal space. It’s something new for you, not invading it, you never ever thought he needed one but he looked so fragile, then you were under the impression that if you were touching him he would vanish into dust.

“ You are scaring me, what’s happening, is it the team ? Something personal ? You know you can tell me everything … “ A long silence got installed, your eyes were starting to water by all the pain you were seeing in him. You thought he wouldn’t open up, he was shutting you out by the way his body was curling up and turning to avoid your gaze on him. He was protecting himself like a kid that was terrified of a big stormy night.

You wanted to be the one to reassure one, but you were practically sure you were part of the problem. You stand quietly, ready to leave him alone in his driver room because there was nothing you could do if he wasn’t letting you.

His reaction was imminent, the driver inside of him was popping up and his muscles memories acting for him as it was his turn to get up and close the space between you, shutting the opened door. You yelped out of surprise before feeling his pressing body against you. You were stuck between the wooden door and his warm torso. Feeling his heretic heartbeat pounding in his chest. You couldn’t speak, you were too shocked for that. You and him were friends, close friends but not that physically close. You never cross that boundaries, but today was different, you felt it was.

The seconds looked like hours waiting for the confirmation of your assumption. Daniel seems to be as surprised as you to have acted the way he did, it was too late to back away now.

“ Don’t leave … don’t walk out that door “ His forehead was now resting on the back of your head, slightly not to hurt you and put weight on it. You wanted to ignore all the fuzzy feelings flooding in your whole body, but you couldn’t. Having him so close to you awakens a deep feeling hidden in you. “ The bitch will go away I promise, I am sorry “

Why was he apologizing to you, he didn’t disappoint anyone, yet. You weren’t even mad, you learn better to not judge someone's fucked up attitude when you could recognize the coping mechanics of someone keeping a secret and trying to turn the attention away from himself for nobody to catch the true meaning behind these actions. Does that make it acceptable ? It was each individual to have their own opinion. It was annoying you, that Daniel was suffering but preferred to distract himself and run away from his problem instead of talking to you or anyone else.

You close your eyes, your own forehead finds the cold surface of the door, his own head following yours not breaking the contact. HIs hands find the side of your hip.

“ The bitch isn’t the problem isn’t it ? “ You asked without any certainty he will give you a proper answer to that. His thumbs were caressing the skin of your hips through the tissues of your teamwear shirt, drawing a circle. You were sure he didn’t even notice he was doing it, his body was only responding to one mood and it was the auto-pilot one.

You were searching for breath and the driver’s room was starting to get tighter by the meanings, you were about to suffocate if the situation in which you both were wasn’t going to change fast enough.

“ You are the only one that can take away my pain … “ It could pass for a simple sentence if it wasn’t so Daniel, you had learned the code of conduct of Daniel Ricciardo and that … that was a declaration. “ It was you and I before, remember ? “

You were missing a piece of puzzle here, what was he talking about, is he drunk ? You never act differently around him, nothing changes, it never does. Yes it was him and you, always have been.

“ What are you talking about Daniel, you are confusing me “

“ Why did it change, the two of us … “ He was responding to your question by another one, like he was having his own conversation in his head, you were tempted to let him speak his mind to discover the bottom of the problem.

“ It didn’t change Daniel … “ You were trying as much as you could to put everything together, in vain.

“ It did change, I can’t look at you the same way as before … “ There it was, a little clue. If only he knew that it has been a long time since you have been able to look at him the way he used to when you meet him the first time. It was more than annoying you that he had brought someone with him for the weekend, more than it should. You were fuming when you saw the unknown name on the list of guests and asked someone to lighten it for you.

“ I know you are lying, why would you react the way you just did before if you weren’t “ You wanted to look at him, but his body was still pressing you against the cold wood. You had so much to say and him as well, all this unspoken tension you both tried to make yourself believe was a liar. You were both frauds, your friendship switched into something more months ago after a drunk night. Nothing happened that night, only looks were exchanged. The battle you both had as a joke at first turned into something way more deeper than you both were expecting and when you both tried to pull out of it, the damage had been done. That night was an epiphany moment for you, awaking the true desire between you. Your bodies couldn’t lie, the need for them to touch, the flaming sensation of his skin against yours like it was happening right now. Everything happened before and since that night, it never was the same thing for Daniel and everything went downhill.

You move your hand, posting on the door and Daniel understands the message and detaches himself from you. You slowly turn, god he was a mess and you bet you weren’t better.

“ You bewitched me that night, seduced me with your eyes. It was a game at first and now look at us, where is the game now ? “ He wasn’t accusing you of anything, it was a simple statement, an understanding between you. Two people were playing the game and two people ended up losing.

“ That wasn’t my intention, I tried to pull away, it was too late “ Who sounds defeated now, the tables have turned and he brings you down with him to the bottom of his misery. A couple bruises on your heart that he created was all you needed to have the proof that at least you two had shared a moment. It had to stay professional, but as his face was closing up the gap, all your convictions were being erased one by one.

You didn’t wait for him, you joined him in the middle, your lips connected quicker than he had anticipated, your eyes shut down in synchronisation. You didn’t who reacted first and kissed the other one back. That lip was perfect, far from it, it was messy just like him, but it was passionate. His teeth were teasing your bottom lips, asking permission to tear the flesh of it apart. You moaned when his tongue was inviting you to open your mouth. The taste of your two saliva was so intoxicated that you almost fell and he had to catch you with both of his arms, supporting you from your lower back. His smile came back to life against your mouth, letting out a childish giggle and you hit his arm to make him stop making fun of your lack of stability.

HIs reaction was quick, if you couldn’t stand up anymore he would use that door to help you. He pushes you toward it and your back gets lean on it, his arms unlocking themselves to explore your body, finding where they were before except this style the hem of your shirt came loose, letting the palm of his hand directly enter in contact with your skin, sending you shivers.

You had forgotten your environnement, too busy burying your own hands in his dark curls, bringing him closer as much as possible. Your teeth were still clenching and air was starting to lack in your lounge. You didn’t want to let go, scared for the reality to be brought back. You have been dreaming for months about this. Having the fantasy in your head when the night was setting and the moon shining.

DSaniel didn’t let you think for another second as he used this little moment of rest when you stop kissing him for a second, to lift you up, grabbing your ass, his palm firmly around it. He moves you and remembered to lock the door before turning back his focus on you as he finally break the kiss to look at you. Lust could be seen all over your two faces. His face was not showing any sadness anymore, only mischievousness and happiness. If you knew that all you needed to do to bring back the Daniel you knew was to let your own desire take over you, you would have done it sooner.

He took the direction of the massage table beside him, putting you on the edge before finding your neck and kissing the soft skin. You let a snort escape when his scruff tickles a sensitive spot behind your ear. He laughs against the skin and the vibration changes the snort into a whining complaint. He traveled all the way down to your clavicle but the fabric of your shirt was stopping him. He didn’t wait for your approval to remove it, the force of the removal making you lift your arm automatically. They fall back on his neck when he throws the piece of tissue somewhere you will have a hard time finding back.

That was extremely hot from him and by your legs starting to spread a little bit and the heat you were starting to feel between them, he noticed acknowledge the effect he had on you and smirk, visibly proud of himself. It was not the time to hide yourself even if you could feel embarrassed, this man in front of you was everything you had dreamt of and it had the talent to make you feel confident of your body, just by the way he looks at every detail of your body.

You were eager to let him take the situation under his control and only his, not doing anything and just being the prize he was working on to have for so long. All the torment, the torture and the conviction he will never have you, he deserved it. You will get your prize another time … it was only the beginning for you.

He was taking his time with you,no matter how much his desire was waking up, he had one mission and one mission only; your pleasure. You could see the forming bulge in his pants and felt for him, imagining how inconfortable it must be for him.

It all went to dust when his hands found their way under your bra cupping your breast and his lips traveled your chest as he was kissing his way down. He was leaving wet kisses and blowing air on it, goosebumps started to appear quickly, head being jolted back.

You wish you knew what to do with your hands but they were gripping the leather of the massage table so hard your knuckles were getting white by the second. He didn’t seem to care as his hands found your pants, he pushed you a bit behind, making unspeakable demands for you to lift your ass so he could slide the piece of clothes down for it to join your shirt somewhere in the room.

You could barely keep your eyes open as you witnessed the extremely hot scene in front of you. Daniel between your legs, keeping the same pace with you, kissing his way up toward the inner of your thighs. You sensed his teeth nibbling your skin, licking every spot afterward, like he was trying to heal the pain he just caused you. Little did he know that pain you were feeling was arousing you even more, your panty was starting to visibly licked your excitement. It was feeling like torture, you thougth that Daniel would be like the others partner you had, your skin would get used to the touch after a moment and the horniness would stop at a certain level, thinking you had reach the maximal of his possibility. How wrong were you when you were on the verge to cum without him actually pleasuring you in this area. You knew it was coming, Daniel kisses were more hungry, teasing the flesh of your thigh turning red by the bite and the kisses.

His lips were swallowing, getting bigger by the unusual exercise they were carrying on, his tongue would feel numb if it was for the desire he had to taste you, letting it survive for a couple minutes still. You watch him, leaving a kiss on the wet fabric of your underwear, your eyes were blurrying by the anticipation of him finally finding your clit. His teeth end up moving the piece of dentelle that was the last barrier between you and him.

It was like he was home and belonged there, here with you, right in this instance, it was you and him against the world. Forgetting your environnement you let a cry escape a little bit too loud as soon his thick tongue was licking arousal. You thought that seeing the start was a legend, a fantasy, but Daniel had made you become reality as your head was banged back, finding the cold wall, your neck was stretching so hard that the blood was lacking in your brain making you see some sparkling spot. He needed you to stay quiet and as he tried to put one of his hands on your mouth he ended up finding the neck instead, squeezing it enough for you to moan his name as he was continuing his exploration of your pussy.

Your hands finally leave the grip of the massage table to find their new place around Daniel's arm. You were stretched out in front of him, so vulnerable, just for him and you were unable to give a proper reaction to being buried in the pleasure he was giving you. His tongue was teasing your entrance, making it hardening, pushing himself in you as you will. The thumb of his free hand was moving in a slow circle around your clit. He didn’t know the dilemma you were encountering, keeping your eyes shut and your head back or fighting his firm hand on your neck for you to see him eating you alive. You sure had to make a decision quickly because you were soon to arrive at the edge before you will let the orgasm consume your whole body.

By the sound you were making, Daniel had the confirmation he was doing everything in the right way for you. He never experienced such joy to make someone lose their composure due to his actions. He was feeling proud that he was finding it out with you. Every woman he had been with didn’t sound or look as beautiful and real as you spread in front of him right now. He could spend hours tasting you, how good you were for him, how reactive and sensitive your skin was becoming after being torn apart by him. How the thought of fucking you with his tongue had haunt his dream for the past couples of month now, but the reality of this was surpassing all his expectations. He wanted to be rough with you, all the dirty thoughts came back rushing into his brain, overwhelming him and sending twitch to his dick. Rather than being dominant, it was all about showing you how much he had wanted you and how willing he was to give you anything you wanted, because you deserved it. You deserved for him to make you forget every man you had sex with. Replacing all the bad and good memories with his own. Changing all the faces in your dream, planting his own in the own DNA of your imagination.

He could feel that you were holding it together for it to last longer, even if that meant losing the self-control you had in you. Your wall was tightening around his fat tongue. You were completely losing your mind at the foreword of sensation throwing at you at the same time. You were sure it was too much for one person and you could care less about the verbal explosion you might have in a couple of seconds. Daniel however, foreseeing your release, put two fingers in your mouth holding your jaw from your mouth, your lips closed themself around them and your tongue was soon relaxing on them. You bite his knuckles when his tongue replaces his thumb in one flick of the tongue, finally letting cum. Your legs were shaking and Daniel had to hold you for you not to hurt yourself, your eyes were rolling back as your orgasm hit you in small waves, sending you jolts of electricity around your body. Your brain was shutting down, the stifled moan never reaching the exterior of your mouth, dying down on Daniel’s fingers in sensual vibration that made his bulge react, begging to be taken care of.

It tooks you minutes to come back to the open world, Daniel’s eyes not leaving you for a second, admiring his work. You slowly come back to reality and automatically search for him, missing his touch already. Your eyes were still not open when you found the collar of his shirt and pulled him rather violently, crashing your lips together, taking a taste of your own juice still lingering on his lips. You sigh in the kiss, reassured that what just happened wasn’t just a dream and that you were far needing to wake up from it.You rest your forehead on his, the wave of pleasure was still leaving some after effects on you including dizziness.

You had to clear your throat as you realised no sound was coming it out the first time you tried to speak.

“ That bitch needs to go, tell her you replace her with a more living version. “

You couldn’t help but laugh at your own words and Daniel was smiling at the way you just described yourself.

“ She’s already gone, she was already gone before you burst into my room.

You didn’t know how to respond to that, but one thing for sure is that you will have a hard time making people outside of this room say that nothing happened between the two of you. At least you would not pissed them off and you were able to pacify him at any time.

MASTERLIST

[lubdubsworld]

Change of Heart ( Taehyungx OC)

Chapter 1   Chapter 2    Chapter 3     Chapter 4     Chapter 5   Chapter 6  Chapter 7

Summary : Times are changing. After years of being oppressed, werewolves are taking a stand against humans , demanding equal rights and fair treatment. Heading the movement is Kim Taehyung, the breathtaking heir to the Kim fortune and one of the few remaining Alpha werewolves in the country. His disdain for the human race is well known and well warranted. They killed his family after all….. He wants to change the world , to put humans in their place but when his five year old daughter takes a shine to their very human neighbor , maybe he has to start with a change of heart , first.

: Pairing : Taehyung x OC / Werewolf AU!!

Genre : Romance, Explicit Content.

Warnings : story gets a little serious from now on out... there's a lot of sexism, misogyny, degradation of women , and well morally untoward actions by people ......the oc gets roped into something exploitative and wrong. She is consenting but she's also pressured. So , please remember that this is just fiction.

Chapter 8

“Rae, calm down... i didn’t mean i want you to  leave right now..” Taehyung gripped both my wrists with his hands , tugging me away from my things . When I didn’t move, he gave me a gentle nudge toward to bed, prompting me to sit down.

“You’re just-” I began angrily but he cut me off. 

“Just sit down for a second and we can talk about this.” He begged, grip gentle as he held my hands . I tried to pull my hands away but he merely linked our fingers together, squeezing gently. 

I glared at him but sat down nonetheless. He stared down at me for a second before carefully, kneeling down in front of me.

My throat went dry at that. I doubted Kim Taehyung had ever kneeled , anywhere, in his entire life. 

“I’m sorry, Rae. “ He whispered, thumb tracing circles on the back of my palm. “ I was out of line talking to you like that. I would like to think, after everything we’ve been through, we’re at least friends.”

 Someone put me out of my misery,  I closed my eyes in dejection. 

“Please don’t give me a , ‘ we’re better off as friends’ speech... Please, I absolutely cannot handle that from you right now.” I whispered. 

“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that I was out of my head when I came here just now, things were going south in the office and I was stressed out.... I swear I didn’t come here intending to talk to you about Eun Woo..... I came here to check up on you.....I just, I saw you with Jungkook and then you told me you were going to leave with him and I panicked and told you about Eun Woo. I’m sorry and I know I shouldn’t have sprung that on you. Not now, when you’re clearly still hurting.” 

I stared at him.

“You know just the right things to say, don’t you?” I shook my head.

Taehyung made a noise of impatience, scooting forward on his knees and his hands dropping to grip my waist through the thick towel wrapped around me. Suddenly aware of being just in my towel, I stopped breathing when he pressed closer, kissing the edge of my jaw. 

“I wasn’t trying to manipulate you into sleeping with me. Trust me...when I was talking to Seokjin about not wanting to mate you... I didn’t mean that I didn’t want you because I wasn’t attracted to you....I meant that I didn’t want to forcefully bring you into a world that is going to be cruel to you.” 

“I don’t know if I can believe anything you tell me anymore.” I said softly and his arms came around me, tugging me closer till he pressed his face into the curve of my breasts. 

“I’m not just anybody, Rae....You know that. Being with me isn’t the same as being anyone on the street. I.. I’m a public figure. Someone who has made his disdain for humans pretty clear.... “ He pulled back to stare at me.  He looked devastated and I felt my heart lurch treacherously again . He pressed another kiss, this time to my lips, before drawing back. 

“I know I hurt you.....but my cause is bigger than me, than anything I could want or desire. There are people out there...my people... people who have spent hundreds of years being punished for something they can’t control. And until , I o my part , until I use my wealth and power to bring some change in their lives, I don’t belong to myself.” He looked haggard , pressing his palms to his face, rubbing the exhaustion out of his eyes and I couldn’t harden my heart against the pang of sympathy that bloomed inside me. 

“I’ve never asked you to give up on your cause. Isn’t that the whole reason i came with you last night?” I reminded him and he nodded.

“Yes...and look how that left you. “ He shook his head, “ I wasn’t even rough , Rae. I felt like a bull in a fucking china shop, touching you. So scared of breaking something, so fucking terrified I was going to hurt you ....It drove me fucking crazy...”

I stared at him in disbelief , reaching out and cupping his cheeks, forcing him to stare at me. .

“ Stop that. You did not hurt me. I’m not as fragile as you think... You’re hardly the first alpha wolf I’ve had sex with...” I said sharply and he groaned. 

“I know... Fuck, I know that... It’s just....My instincts get so jumbled with you. I want to make love to you, to make you feel good …But I also want to protect you and keep you safe and it feels like i can’t do both...” 

“You and I...we aren’t that different. What feels good for you feels good for me too...” I protested. 

Taehyung gave me a helpless look. 

“I was raised this way. I haven’t ever seen my friends and family treat humans with anything but wariness and fear. My family ..... My father and mother, they ....” He hesitated. “ They turned a five year old human child, because she was dying. She was dying and her mother begged them to save their daughter. My dad gave her the bite ..... The girl survived and she was a wolf, yes but she lived. Do you know what your kind did? They said what he did was illegal , and they put my dad on trial and sent my parents to prison for it. “

I stared at him, wide eyed. 

“My parents didn’t last a month. They died in a fucking dungeon because humans think its better for a five year old girl to die than be one of us. I lost my parents when I was eight years old because humans cannot fathom the idea of someone being different.....” 

“Taehyung, I am so sorry... i didn’t know..... “ I said quietly.

“I’m not saying that has anything to do with you. I’m not ignorant enough to blame every human I meet for something that happened a whole two decades ago. I know things have changed....that the world today is vastly different from how it was back then... but can you imagine what would happen if I started this thing with you? “ He sighed, shaking his head.

“Taehyung, what are you saying?” I asked , too tired to process what he was saying.   I could feel a headache coming on, strong and almost debilitating in its intensity .                                                                                                             

“ I  like you.... I would love to get to know you better.... Watching you with my daughter...fuck... I’ve never seen her so happy..... I would like nothing more than to give her a family.... but the people I live with. The friends I meet for dinners, the guys I hang out with for drinks....they don’t trust humans. They’re powerful men who have seen first hand how cruel humans can be and they’re not going to give up years of conditioning, just because my wolf chose to imprint on a human.”

I stared at him, not even sure what to say. 

“Taehyung, I haven’t hidden how I feel about you. I’m not ignorant about what its like between your kind and mine. I live in the preserve. You think I don’t know what it’s like to be a human in a community of werwolves? I know how people look at me, how they see humans in general. If we did this....I would never blame  you  for the way others treat me.” I told him, heart breaking because he had clearly  thought  about this. Thought about this enough for him to feel bad about the mere possibility of me being hurt. 

Taehyung shook his head in protest. 

“How do you think I would feel, if I had to watch my friends treat you with anything but respect? It would drive me insane. And if you think the werewolves in the preserve are cruel to humans, you don’t even know how bad the upper class weres are... They don’t see human women as anything but a sick fetish for them to indulge themselves in. I’m not going to bring you into a world like that.....” He gave me look that was steady and unyielding, his tone brooking no argument. 

I sighed.

“Okay. “ I said softly.

He stared at me. 

“Do you hate me?”

I rolled my eyes.

“I think we can safely establish that I am incapable of hating you.” I said tiredly.

He smiled. I hesitated just a bit, before reaching out to touch his shoulders. I curled my fingers a bit, tugging him closer for a hug and he indulged me, palms stroking my back as I breathed in the alluring scent of him. 

“ When this is over.... “ Taehyung said softly, “ I hope you and i could get dinner together. I want you in my life... even if just as a friend.”

 Isn’t that just the perfect recipe for disaster,  I thought miserably. 

“I’m not going to be your friend, Kim Taehyung ssi.... I don’t hate myself that much.” I pressed a kiss to his ear. 

He hesitated. 

“What do you want to be then?” He whispered.

I shrugged, pulling back to stare at him. 

There really was no point talking in circles, was there? 

“The woman you love.” I said , holding his gaze steadily. 

His lips parted, clearly unprepared for my bluntness. 

To spare him the embarrassment of replying, I went on. 

“But i know that’s not in the cards...so i would rather we be passing acquaintances.” I shrugged. 

Taehyung gripped my knees, squeezing. 

“I’ve not been with a woman in years. My wife, “ He grimaced , a flash of hurt and betrayal in his eyes, “ She... I didn’t even like her let alone care for her. I’ve forgotten what It means to love a woman...to worry about how my actions affect her...to act in a way that makes her feel how much I care for her.....”

I bit my lips, not sure what he was implying or  if  he was even implying anything. 

" Well then,   once my dad goes to prison... You can go back to that blissful time in your life when you didn’t know that I existed. .” 

I grabbed my clothes off the bed and made to move to the bathroom 

.“Rae.... wait.” 

I stopped,  staring at him. 

I felt his fingers on my wrist, tugging me gently and I watched the way his fingers looked, so large and warm over mine. 

I could feel him staring at me but .I stayed quiet. 

There really was nothing more for me to say to him. 

“I’ve forgotten how to love a woman but...” He bit his lips.” It doesn’t mean I can’t learn again.”

I choked out a laugh. God, I hated him. 

“Don’t you dare-”

“When this is over.” He continued firmly, “ When your father is in prison, I’m not going to walk away. I don’t understand humans, I don’t relate to your kind....I can’t feel the things you do but I can learn. I can and I will. After everything you’ve done for me, it’s the least i can do for you. ”

I shook my head. 

“ Do it for yourself. Do it to be a better person. Because sometimes the greater good isn’t enough to justify hurting people who are on your side of the battlefield. “ 

He lowered his head and I pulled away gently, moving away to get dressed, 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is he going to come pick me up? “ I asked casually, swallowing down another couple of pills. I wasn’t even in a lot of pain anymore. More a pleasant soreness all over . 

Taehyung exhaled, nodding.

“He’s ...a good guy but I still want you to tell me if he tries something....”

I turned to stare at him, eyebrows raised. 

“And what will you do? Antagonize the man who’s your only hope to bring my father down? Don’t be absurd Taehyung.. i can handle men like Eun Woo.” I turned back to the mirror. 

 I ran the brush through my hair, carefully examining my face for any stray marks or bruises. It had taken a bit of time an an extra layer of concealer but i looked relatively unmarred. 

“I just want to make sure you’re safe and-” 

“I can take care of myself.... I’m a big girl.” I smiled at him through the reflection in the mirror. . 

Although, just the fact that I was here, having this conversation with him was a fine example of how  bad  I was at taking care of myself. How I had a knack for making the worst possible choices, the kind of choices that ended with me with my heart broken over and over again because of the same damn man.  

God, I wanted to get out of this apartment. Wanted to get away from Kim Taehyung. Never wanted to see his gorgeous face again. 

“Eun Woo knows you’re my mate... He won’t....” 

My eyes snapped up to him.  

Just hearing that word made something leap inside me, something sharp and hurtful. Something that felt unbearable, an emotion that made me pulse with regret and pain and filled me with a need to sob out loud. 

i turned around and his eyes immediately flitted to mine. I knew they were a little damp. 

“Can you just...not call me that?  “ I whispered , my fingers beginning to tremble. 

Taehyung froze, staring at me with wide eyes.

“Rae...”

i closed my eyes , breathing deeply. I’d never felt so frustrated, so desperate to end things with someone and yet so incapable of doing just that  and i hated him, hated him for turning me into something so pathetic.

“Don’t call me your mate. That is not what I am and that is not how you see me. So just don’t. “ 

I tried to calm myself down. 

Taehyung didn’t reply so I went on. 

“I’m going to do this...not just for you , but for the people in that preserve. For Luna because I want her to grow up in a world where she has the chance to experience the same happiness that the rest of us do. “

“Yes, And I’m grateful..” Taehyung began but i held my hand up. 

“I’m going to do this but I’m not going to give you more than what I absolutely have to. I’m not going to let you play the besotted lover when we both know there’s no future for us that way. I need to protect my heart and I can’t do that if you keep confusing me. And that means you talk to me like you would talk to any of your friends.  ”

Taehyung just stared at me for a second before nodding sharply.

“Point taken.” He said gruffly , looking just a little annoyed.. 

 Good, I thought viciously. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’re gonna have to get you more clothes like this, if we’re going to be together for real... ... You know the kind of life I lead...” Eun Woo commented mildly, shooting me a glance as he maneuvered the car out into traffic. He was pointing at the teal blue sheath dress I had on.  

It was pretty, spaghetti straps holding up the satiny material and molding to my body like a second skin. Taehyung had rented it out for me, and it had given me some satisfaction, watching him go slack jawed when I put it on. I was half tempted to tell him that I had won a lot of beauty pageants at my dad’s Country Club , back when I had still lived with him as a teenager. 

Over the years, I’d always dressed down, avoided make up and just not bothered too much. not because I didn’t enjoy dressing up but because it served no purpose. . Running up and down the ferry meant a lot of salty air on my hair and face and so, I had probably always looked like a drowned rat to Taehyung. 

“I have a whole closet full of branded clothes at my brother’s apartment. You don’t have to worry about me embarrassing you in public. I grew up as Jae hyun’s daughter .I know how the bougie class dresses, so please, just drive .” I was so tired, my eyes swollen although I hadn’t even cried. My heart felt like it had been wrung out . 

Eun Woo whistled.

“So you’re.... technically rich. Very rich.” There was a hint of interest there, laced with barely concerned excitement and it made my skin crawl.

I rolled my eyes. 

“I’m rich if i do exactly what my father asks me to. Which I won’t.”

Eun Woo chuckled. 

“So...this thing with Taehyung...it’s nothing huh? I mean, he’s clearly okay with you doing stuff with me.....” 

I glared at him.

“The only thing we’re going to be doing is finding out what my father’s upto.” 

He held both his hands up .

“Hey, I’m just wondering if he’ll tear my throat off if I shoot my shot.” 

I sighed, too exhausted to even entertain this conversation. 

“Don’t make this difficult.” I said tiredly and he grunted.

“He did a number on you last night, huh?” the lecherous glance he tossed my way was nauseating. 

I didn’t reply.

“Thought you were used to werewolves though...could smell that wolf on you...in the preserve.,.. Jungkook was it?”

I closed my eyes . 

Eun Woo looked handsome and elegant in his pin striped white suit and perfectly polished shoes but there was no mistaking the sheer unadulterated lust on his face when he looked at me. And the way he talked to me, like I was a hooker he had hired for the night. I suddenly understood what Taehyung had meant, when he said that wolves only looked at human women as a fetish. 

I glanced at my phone. It was a little past five. My father generally spent his evenings in his Yacht club, lounging about with his friends and scantily clad women. Eun Woo was a member too and the idea was to casually run into my father there. 

“I’m just saying...you have a thing for wolves...I’ll be more than willing to scratch that itch for you....” He was leering now and I willed myself not to scream when his fingers reached out, lightly stroking my cheek. I pulled away, bile rising in my throat. 

Feeling cheap and dirty, I dug my fingers into my thighs. 

“Thank you for the kind offer. I’ll let you know if I ever want to take you up on that.” I muttered. 

I watched as he pulled into the Yacht Club.

The Marina Yacht club was my father’s castle. It was where he held court thrice a week, all his rich and powerful bosom buddies flooding the place to get and stay in his good graces. 

Wine, Women, drugs and alcohol all topped with a healthy dose of anonymity and discretion. I stepped out into the lobby, surprised when a man called out my name.

“Mi Rae?? Is that you?” 

I felt my eyes widen when I recognized my dad’s old butler. 

“Mr. Gwan... Oh, I didn’t know you worked here?” I smiled despite myself, happily letting his wrap his hands around me in a warm hug. 

“Your father has been so kind to me.... He misses you.” The old man said softly.

I managed to return the gesture, bowing lightly.

“Is he here?”

“Out on the back terrace. A lot of his friends are here today.... Would you like to meet him?”

I nodded.

“Certainly. Could you tell him I’m here with ... Mr. Cha Eun Woo?” I smiled and looped my arm around Eun Woo’s , the latter pulling out his membership card and handing it over to Mr. Gwan with a winning smile. 

Mr Gwan bowed, leading us into the foyer which was milling with Seoul’s elite, men in polo t shirts and fitted pants and women in short summer dresses or flowery jumpsuits with huge hats. The crème de la crème of society, I thought , rolling my eyes internally. 

“Stop looking like that, doll. “ Eun Woo’s lips brushed my ear and I straightened my features, pasting a small smile as we followed Mr. Gwan, past the milling crowd and to the back, where the club opened into a beautiful terrace with a pool and a dance floor. 

Women in skimpy bikinis' lounged around the pool despite the lateness of the hour  and I saw my father, surrounded by four or five men, relaxing in the lounge chairs near the pool. They were all old and fat, my father standing out because he was always particular about staying fit and looking ten whole years younger. 

He looked surprised when he saw me, surprised but clearly pleased.

“Mirae..... And Eun Woo? What an absolute pleasure.” He stood p quickly, eyes glinting with delight when he took in my attire. 

“Good evening father.” I smiled, letting him pull me into a hug. My father turned to the men around, all of whom made no attempt to hide the way they were ogling me. 

“Gentlemen, my beautiful daughter, Mirae. And the man she’s seeing currently, I believe you’re all familiar with him. One of the finest men in the country. ” 

I tilted my head in acknowledgement, bowing lightly while Eun Woo shook hands with the men. 

“Cha Eun Woo at your service.” He drawled easily, holding a couple of fingers up and signalling a waiter to bring a couple more chairs for us. I smiled as he gave me a soft kiss on my cheeks.

“Why don’t we head over to the bar and you can pick a drink, honey?” He said , smile dazzling in its intensity.

I fluttered my lashes for effect.

“I’d love that.” I said , letting him lead me away with a quick, “ Gentlemen, a moment.” 

“That’s Taehyung’s undersecretary . The rest of them i can’t recognize but they’re all wolves. Your father’s been particularly sneaky, i see....” He whispered thoughtfully , the moment we were out of hearing distance and I blinked.

“What?” 

“That guy in the blue trunks, he’s a part of Taehyung’s cabinet. I’m sure of it.”

The bartender tapped the counter to get our attention and I startled. 

I pointed vaguely at one of the drinks and turned back to Eun Woo.

“Really? Oh my God, do you think he’s been telling my father about Taehyung’s plans?” 

Eun Woo nodded.

“That would explain things.... “

“We should tell Taehyung , he needs to fire that guy...” i said desperately and Eun Woo shook his head.

“No... we need to find out what is it that these wolves wants from your father... They’re obviously feeding him information for a price. We need to know what, although I think i have a pretty good idea.” Eun Woo smirked.

“What?” I said, curious but he shook his head, lightly kissing the tip of my nose. 

“Its a wolf thing... I’m just going to go back and lay some groundwork. You wearing a bikini underneath that dress?”

I frowned.

“Yes? Why?”

“Go to the dressing room and take your dress off. Come back and sit on my lap yeah? “

I stared at him.

“This better have something to do with ...”

“Baby, we’re running low on time. Just do as I tell you and you can be back in your TaeTae oppa’s arms in no time.....” He drawled, squeezing my hips hard and I flinched. 

He was so annoying.

But I did as he said and when I walked back to the rest of them, I saw that he was sitting a little ways off from the rest of them but close to the man in the blue trunks. The crowd had left, the gate leading to the terrace was closed and my father was nowhere to be found. 

it was just Eun Woo and the four men and the four or five women still in the pool.. They all looked at me when I got near and Eun Woo stood up waving before sitting back down. 

“Ah...Rae... Come on over!” He waved and I walked over, feeling ridiculously exposed in the electric blue string tied bikini. 

I smiled at him, casually sitting down on his lap, and letting him wrap an arm around my torso. He pressed a kiss to my cheek, my jaw and then whispered against my ear.

“Let’s give them a show.” 

I blinked, confused and then he pulled me closer, tugging me around till I was straddling him. I gripped his shoulders at the obscene position we were in , but he looked incredibly serious as he gave me a slight nod. Smiling, I lightly rolled my hips , letting the crotch of my bikini trace a small circle against the front of his slacks. He had taken off his jacket and it wasn’t that hard to get into the mood. The idiot was beautiful after all. 

“needy little thing....” Eun Woo chuckled. “ Dated a couple of betas but it wasn’t enough for her...Right baby?” 

I gave him a shy little smile, watching the men out of the corner of eyes. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing but, i followed Eun Woo’s lead and moved when he tugged on my hips, buried my nose in his neck when his palms fluttered against my shoulder.

“Sometimes they need a knot.... can’t settle for anything less....” Eun Woo went on, laughing and i stiffened despite myself. He pinched my thigh lightly, a soft, ‘  focus’  hissed against my ear. 

I swallowed, staying still.

He lightly dipped one finger into the waistline of my bikini and i jumped. 

“There’s something exciting about fucking a human .... so helpless and fragile and yet so thirsty to get dicked down by an animal.” Eun Woo went on and the men chuckled. 

I tamped down on the urge to knee him in the crotch. 

The greater good. 

 the greater fucking good. I reminded myself. 

 i was going to strangle Kim Taehyung. 

 “ Knows when to keep her mouth shut too. It’s a rarity with human women...... Always yip tapping about shit. “ Eun Woo went on. 

“She looks amazing...” The man on the left said...

“She looks even better when I have her wrapped around my knot.” Eun Woo chuckled.

The air seemed to shift around me. 

“Uh...yeah?” One of the men said.

“Of course....gets off on it too... People watching...right baby..? I could make you take my knot, right here on this chair with all these people watching and you’d love it...wouldn’t you baby?” 

“Fuck, that would be so hot...” The man in the blue trunks whined next to me and it made my skin crawl. I couldn’t do this. Not even for Kim fucking Taehyung. 

I dug my nails into Eun Woo’s sides. I’d had enough. 

“I have a resort up the Han River.... Secluded and private. Mr Yoon told me you guys have some sort of deal to finish up? Why not schedule it at my place.... Dinner and a show” Eun Woo squeezed my thighs hard making me yelp, “ My treat.” 

The men whispered excitedly.

“That sounds good. The seventeenth of this month. We have a ... meeting with a few associates. We’d require a lot of privacy . “ 

Eun woo hummed.

“Done. And sweet Rae and I will be there to take care of the entertainment . Now if you’ll excuse me gentlemen, I have a few more pressing engagements.”

He spanked my thigh and I sat up, slowly climbing off him. He wrapped his arm around my waist , and I looked anywhere but at the men, bowing awkwardly as I let him lead me away from the terrace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ow...Ow... Ow.. What the fuck..stop!” Eun Woo grabbed my wrists stopping me from raining more punches on him. 

“That was so fucking embarrassing you fucking pervert!!” I hissed and he gripped my wrists harder, so hard that I winced.

“I know!!!  just calm the fuck down. At least we know when they’re meeting the damn dealers. And it’ll be on our turf. “ He said angrily. 

I glared at him.

“So what , the cops can just walk in and arrest them...??” I stared at him in disbelief. 

it seemed so easy. 

“If they’re caught with the drug, yeah.” Eun Woo shrugged, “ Taehyung already has plenty of evidence linking your father to the drug,....all he needs is the physical record of your father in contact with the dealers. And if your father’s there on seventeenth its going to be a walk in the park. All we need to do is...well... possibly fuck in front of them.” 

I felt my jaw drop.

“I am not fucking you... not even if the survival of the entire human race depended on it.” I hissed.

“Relax, babe... It doesn’t have to be all the way through... beta werewolves don’t have a knot so these bastards get turned on watching alphas knot a woman... that's all it is... We give them that and they’re gonna play right into our hands.....” Eun Woo shrugged. 

“That is so gross...” I fought the urge to retch. 

“ We also feed some sort of nonsense to that undersecretary of his.. maybe a false raid elsewhere so these idiots have their guard down. it’ll be easy. “ Eun Woo shrugged

I groaned.

But I had to admit that Taehyung was right. Cha Eun Woo was a smart bastard. 

“And that's the best way to do this? I need to... pretend to have sex with you...” I tasted bile in my throat.

Eun woo smiled.

“For the greater good , baby.” 

i groaned. 

I hated werewolves. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : Shit’s about to go down in the next chapter !! lemme know what you guys thought :D 

taglist :

@veronawrites

@ladyartemesia

@bumb1e--bee

@brooky95

Send me an ask if you want to be on the tag list :D 

[amysubmits]

It’s Not Always Effortless

Moving this time has taken us more than twice as long as it has in the past. The week prior to moving was really stressful as we were trying really hard to find a place and the market is super crazy right now so that was way harder than we expected or had ever experienced when moving before. So big relief when we did find a place...but then moving has taken a long time still. It’d take me a couple paragraphs to explain why moving has been such a long process and it doesn’t really matter so, I’ll spare you the details but it took basically a week and a half to get fully moved.

Anyway...a week or so lots of stress pre-move, followed up by 9-almost-straight days (we did take one day off) of actually moving in the sense of lifting heavy crap onto a vehicle for one reason or another. 

I was physically and emotionally drained, but we only had one day left! That night we got news that a family member had tested positive for COVID, adding more stress. We had planed to do one final day of moving crap, starting early the next morning...but my mental health spiraled and I managed to nap but didn’t really sleep a regular nights sleep. 

I was surprised when @cynicaldom said something that made it clear he was still planning for us to finish moving that morning. He knew I hadn’t slept much. I would have rathered push it off a day. He wanted to just get it all over with. I tried not to throw a fit though I still kinda pouted. I did communicate that I was struggling and felt emotionally fragile. 

------

At this point in my draft writing I pause and say to myself “Wait. What am I trying to say again...?”  🤣

Okay, side-stepping a little so I can loop back around to what I actually wanted to say. 

We got through that day. I submitted to us doing another moving day, and it was fine. Well, at the end we tried to take some stuff to our storage unit which was blocked off, so the very last part got delayed yet another day. Very frustrating when we wanted to just have it all over with. Anyway....that morning, once we got started working at it for the day, I was distracted from my crankiness. So it wasn’t even that hard to push through, and I’m glad we got finished earlier rather than delaying it more than was necessary.    

Anyway. When we got back home that night I saw something on my Tumblr feed about how if a dom leads well, then a sub will submit effortlessly.  

I frequently just take general statements too literally. Most any sentiment that doesn’t clearly leave space for nuance makes my brain focus on the exceptions to the rule...even when I realize it was intended as a general statement. I know I’m just a weirdo. But, I found myself feeling defensive of CD. Because I struggled to submit that morning, and it wasn’t because he wasn’t leading well. 

So...although I know I took it too seriously, I still thought it might be worth discussing. There’s nuance involved with D/s in so many ways, and one of those ways is how effortless vs difficult it may be for either person or both people. My opinion is this...

If a sub is frequently struggling to submit, it may well be a sign that the dom isn’t leading well or isn’t earning the subs submission. Maybe the dom is leading in ways that are selfish, impulsive, or don’t meet the subs needs, or just are not well thought out so the sub is resisting submission in a self-protective instinct. You can be a natural follower but find yourself not easily following someone who is leading you into a trap, or who just isn’t carefully deciding the path they’re taking you down, right? 100% makes sense. Submission doesn’t mean you don’t think for yourself. 

But I also think it’s natural for subs to sometimes struggle to submit, or at least not effortlessly submit, even when they have lots of trust in their dom, even when their needs are being met by the dynamic, even when the Dom is making a reasonable call. It’s not fair to assume that the Dom is doing something ‘wrong’ simply because the sub is struggling with submission. Especially if the sub is under a lot of stress or is struggling with their mental health or anything like that. Many things unrelated to the dynamic can cause D/s to feel harder for the sub, and those aren’t necessarily anything the Dom has any control over.  Even without extra stress or mental health problems, I think it’s natural for submission to just not be effortless sometimes. 

Why? Because subs are real people with lots of preferences and opinions, and doms are people with different preferences and opinions. You can think your Dom is absolutely the bee’s knees, but they’re still going to have different opinions or make different decisions than you would make, sometimes. If you’re allowing them to make decisions for you based on their own judgement (rather than expecting them to defer to your views for how they should best lead) then you are likely to occasionally find that you aren’t excited about their decisions, sometimes. You may struggle to accept them at times.  

That doesn’t necessarily mean that either of you are wrong. It’s just the reality of having two people with their own ways of thinking, their own preferences, beliefs, etc and letting one have the final say. When living real D/s, there may be times where the dom is making decisions that just don’t have a right or a wrong answer, or there isn’t a ‘right’ way to lead, exactly. Like with CD deciding that we would finish up moving that day rather than wait. There just isn’t a right or a wrong there. And it’s okay that my top preference wasn’t his top preference, and that I struggled a bit with his decision. I don’t think it means anything is ‘wrong’ with either of us. I think it’s just part of real life D/s. 

[lyallblacklupin]

Just like fire.

After years of regrets and sorrows, Remus tries to apologize to Sirius for his own mistakes, despite the fact that he has been hurt by the very same person who he wants to say sorry to. The years of damages has passed, should they give each other a chance, or start fresh with new people in life to forget their old wounds?

Tags: Heavy Angst, Fluff, Post-Azkaban, Angst with Happy Ending.

Sirius walks in the kitchen, completely heedless of Remus’ presence—or he pretends to be heedless after he catches the sight of Remus. He walks promptly, not limping but flinching at his aching bones. This is how Sirius Black has become: broken. And he has not just broken out of thin air, it has taken fourteen years which includes the twelve years of unjust imprisonment and two years of being a prison escapee, and Merlin knows how many more to go.

Half of Sirius’ time is spent in thinking about death and longing for it. Remus can tell because he has witnessed the hunger of dying in his eyes when he’d sit alone with himself, and the other half is always occupied in worrying about Harry Potter who is last person keeping him from dying out of misery; his dear godson only. Otherwise, he’d have been free.

He stops at the stove and boils the water on the kettle. He doesn’t have his wand so muggle way it is. Muggles have been growing on him, a lot. He keeps talking about them with Arthur. Remus is glad that if there is anything Sirius is looking forward to the order meetings is for the conversation with his new friend Arthur Weasley, who also attains the equal amount energy for the same subject. It makes Remus happy to witness that they have any reason to—even temporarily—lit up in the times of war. However, Sirius never smiles. He nods, or makes a funny face. He only smiles when Harry visits.

“If you want for yourself, it’s still in the kettle.” Sirius says without looking, and begins to walk out of the kitchen but Remus rises from his chair.

“Sirius.” He stops but doesn’t turn to face Remus.

“What?” His voice cut through Remus’ heart.

“I was hoping we could have tea together?” He tried, his heart hammering in his chest.

Sirius finally turns and hold his gaze. After a lingering eye contact, he nods and brings Remus’ tea with pink mug that has a David Bowie on it. He is slightly hopeful that Sirius has kept it because Remus gave him on their sixth year Christmas holidays. But he highly doubts that Sirius remembers it. Sirius sits across Remus’ seat. The silence is irksome.

“I want you to know that I’m sorry for…all that—“

“Define ‘that’, Remus?” Sirius’ facial expressions are blank but very grave.

“For believing the murder of Lily and James was because of you.”

Sirius scoffs, and Remus wants to scream because deep down inside he doesn’t feel he deserves it. He suffered too for twelve years. Even so, he tries to sustain the ceasefire he is trying to build between them.

“I should have believed that you would never have done anything like that to the Potters. You loved them more than anything in this world and—“

Remus pauses because Sirius is shaking his head with a manic smile playing on his lips.

“Wrong. I didn’t love them as I was supposed to. It wasn’t that I didn’t, but it was more like I couldn’t. My fucking stupid heart belonged to just one person that time as if my life would end if I stop centering my life on him.”

Remus swallowed. He knows that no kind of eloquent words are going to be good reply to what Sirius has said, so he says, “You did. Love them, that is. I know that.”

“Oh what did you know!?” He shoots up so violently that the chair collapses down on the floor that Remus inhales sharply, “You were out there kissing Dumbledore’s shoes!”

He knew that this will happen, that he will be humiliated again just like the times in the first war when Sirius would scream at him for going on the secret missions and not giving a clue about when and where he would go and come back, and for not being there for his friends and family. But in reality, all Remus did was to protect the order, and the people he loved. However, the questions still pops in his head, ‘for what? How did he not see it that they were breaking apart?’ It feels like he was watering a dead plant over and over again during the severity of lacking water, but the plant didn’t revive, and the precious water spilled into filthiest vain. Despite of that, Remus shuts his mind and chooses that pettiest way to get back at the person who endured twelve years of imprisonment for the crime he never committed.

“Don’t you dare!” Remus rises from his chair too, leveling up at Sirius, “Don’t you dare go down there again after all these years!”

“WHY NOT!?” Sirius yelled anyway, “YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS NOW! YOU NEVER BELIEVED ME! EVEN BEFORE YOU THOUGHT I BETRAYED JAMES AND LILY!”

“WHEN DID YOU BELIEVE ME!?” Remus is now few inches away from Sirius. He wants to slam him against the wall and put some sense into him because he still cares about him, no matter what.

“WHAT!? You made me this way! You build this mistrust with your hands! Don’t you dare forget that!”

“I did!? Or was that you!? Who didn’t believe me when I said I was not allowed to tell to anyone!”

“I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ANYONE!” Sirius’ voice breaks poorly that hits like a dagger in Remus’ heart. Sirius holds himself by the chest and leans down to rest his torso on the kitchen table, breathing heavily. Remus instantly feels the stinging in his eyes, and followed by the hot tears spilling from them. He comes behind Sirius, and places a hand on his back.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Shut up. Just shut up.” Remus whispers, and pulls Sirius up in his arms. He sobs and sobs, and Remus sinks down to the floor with him, squeezing him tightly in his embrace. “You are right. You were never just anyone. You were never…” He tries to put his feelings into words but Sirius interrupts him.

“You stopped loving me.”

Remus feels his stomach twist but what comes out of his mouth is a laugh. An empty laugh.

“Hell, I didn’t even stop loving you even when I thought you killed James and Lily.”

Silence.

“I was disgusted by myself. I used to feel so filthy. To want you even after believing you ruined my life by walking away so brutally, killing my friends. Killing my reasons to stay on this planet. I wanted to hate you. I couldn’t. I didn’t think that I even deserved to go to their funeral, you know…because I thought I’d be downright hypocrite to grieve for their loss when I was actually grieving the loss of you. I’d dream about you. The only thought keeping me sane and alive. Sirius, I’m not sure if this makes sense to you…I don’t even know if I’m asking you to love me back or what, but I have always loved you, mostly when I shouldn’t…”

Sirius is staring at him with his tears streaming so rapidly down his cheeks. He is trembling as sobs are racking through his body, his breath hitching every now and then. Remus’ heart breaks to see him like that. It is like Sirius is cleansing himself with all of the unwanted darkness off his soul by spilling all the expanse of pain in form of tears. Remus can see that he is not stopping himself from weeping. He seems lost somewhere, with his eyes shut and his hand on his mouth.

“I am not defending myself,” Remus whispers once he notices Sirius is just sniffling and wiping the dampness from his face, “I never meant to bring that up. I just want to let you know that whatever you went through had not even a single place or moment you deserved to be at.”

Sirius looks up with wide teary eyes, staring at Remus’ hopefully. He looks innocent and raw.

“Tell me,” His voice rough with tears but still a whisper. He clears his throat, “that I deserved all of that.”

“That is not true.” Remus says instantly, his hands grasping Sirius’ wrist instinctively, fearing he might fade away with the wind swooping in from the kitchen window.

“It is,” He says in the weakest voice, “My mistakes brought me here. For not trusting you enough…”

No words comes out from Remus’ mouth but they are caught in his throat like a lump. He can feel their prickling. The silence stretches on, smoothly breaking by the sounds of fire battling the wind filling the kitchen. There is also some faint sounds of dripping water from the tap into the basin. Someone must have forgotten to turn it fully. Huh, wizards.

“You are one celestial presence on the world, Remus Lupin, aren’t you…” Sirius chuckles softly, leaning back on the paddles of the chair to rest his back on them. Remus doesn’t understand but Sirius continues, “You are…this sacred or a saint-like wizard—half-blood werewolf whose father committed suicide because he thought he was the reason for his son’s affliction, and whose mother faded away with grief…”

Remus’ heart feels fragile in his chest, fearing it might break again after the poor mending.

“Merlin puts a very heavy price on people to pay who hurt Remus Lupin, who mistrust Remus Lupin...who thinks little of Remus Lupin.”

There is something strange in Sirius’ eyes. There is surrender and envy but Remus stares back into those glistening, and almost-silver orbs with courage to find what he wants. And he does. There it is. Love, swirling into the diffusion of grey and blue.

“I paid twelve years of losing myself and my family for mistrusting you, Remus.”

“I’m sorry…” He doesn’t expect his voice to whimper but it does because his chin is trembling and he is trying hard to gain composure. He is trying so hard with his clenched jaw, and balled fists in either sides of his lap. But Sirius put a thumb under his chin, and he shudders.

“You’re so stupid, Moony.” Sirius whispers when he is just an inch away from his lips.

“I know,” And just as those lips touched his, he feels a tear trickle down his cheek before Sirius has completely captured his mouth. They move languidly but cautiously, scared they might break each other again with haste and roughness. They don’t trust themselves to be firm either. Remus doesn’t. But when Sirius pulls back a little, he comes back and kisses him again decisively on the lips.

“I don’t know if it is still worth it,” Sirius says when both of them are resting their foreheads against each other, breathing in and out one and other, “But I want you to know that I don’t blame you for anything. Maybe I did. Just to keep myself sane by pretending to believe the lies I made within my already suffocated brain.”

Remus lets out a small laugh, which follows by Sirius’ arms wrapping his waist.

“I hope you can still accept me despite of everything, Remus.”

Remus hold his jaw, and tries to smile at him because he still feels like it is not enough. Nothing is enough with Sirius Black. It is always so much, even in this flickering flame which is almost dead. He knows that it will ignite again to fiery life once they become one. They are dangerously perfect for each other. He leans in to kiss the back of his ear, and inhales a whiff just like the wolf would do when Padfoot would return on first full moon after the summers, to recognize his mate. Sirius smells of rain and cigarette, mixing the aroma of the tea that has been sitting out in two mugs before their argument.

“I do. And I hope the same from you for myself?” Remus cringes after he realizes how lame they sound next to Sirius’ words. After few minutes which feels like hours to Remus, Sirius gropes his hands to hold both of his wrists, with his eyes still locked with Remus. He then bends down to press a lingering kiss on the right, and then on the left. Remus just looks at him, feeling utterly weightless in Sirius’ hands.

“I will not fail you again, Remus.”

“I trust you. I love you,” Remus says with all of the broken words spilling out his mouth, “I love you so much. I will not let you go. I will not let you be alone.”

They embraces each other again, just enjoying the warmth and the closeness. It reminds Remus of their time at Hogwarts when their limbs used to be wrapped around each other at every possible free period, smoking cigarettes at the Astronomy Tower.

“Don’t make such promises, my dear Moony.”

“You’re just saying that because you’ll be annoyed of me for sticking around you all the time.” Remus wipes his tears, and Sirius helps him too with his sleeve, shaking with silent laughter.

“Yeah, maybe. Just don’t follow me in the bathroom.”

“Can’t make such promises, my dear Padfoot.”

 Thankyou for reading!

[theartofdreaming1]

Katniss, bravely stepping inbetween Gale and Thread (and his whip) - she’s so courageous and protective, she deserves the world 😭

As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and (many) random thoughts on chapters 7-9 are below the cut. (Is it just me, or are my notes getting longer and longer with each and every post? I swear, this book is so meaty, we’ll soon reach the point where I have to type out the entire chapter, with my thoughts in the margins)

heart

“Gale is mine. I am his. Anything else in unthinkable.” 

I think these words are a result of Katniss being so afraid of losing Gale that she’s kinda overcompensating; their relationship has been strained these past few months and they’d just had a row, separating from each other on bad terms - and the next time she sees him, he’s been whipped so bad that he’s lost consciousness and could be potentially dying from his wounds. Of course she’s so terrified of losing him, that she’s holding on as tightly as she can to him. It’s important to keep in mind how important their relationship is to her and we see that in her preceding thoughts: What a pair we were - fatherless, frightened, but fiercely commited, too, to keeping our families alive. Desperate, yet no longer alone after that day, because we’d found each other. I think of a hundred moments in the woods, lazy afternoons fishing, the day I taught him to swim, that time I twisted my knee and he carried me home. Mutually counting each other, watching each other’s backs, forcing each other to be brave. - Gale was the first person who was her equal, a kindred spirit, her partner. After Katniss had lost both of her parents when her father died and her mother succumbed to her depression - the people who were supposed to care for her and guide her through growing up - she was stuck with the role of sole provider and protector of her family at age eleven. She must have been so lonely all this time until she met this boy who understood what she was going through and they learned from each other and shouldered their burdens together, to take off some of the overwhelming pressure. Of course that relationship, of course Gale is important to her. But also now their relationship has become more fragile, after the Games they are in danger of growing apart - it’s got to be so terrifying to feel like the one proper, mutual relationship you’ve had seems to be slipping through your fingers. With everything that’s going on, her entire life as it is teetering on the razor’s edge (heck, the president himself has been threatening her and her family!), it’s no wonder that Katniss is craving that familiarity and safety that her relationship with Gale used to provide her with. And seeing Gale in this state just has her holding on to him more tightly than ever.

mind

Hmm, no big moment is coming to my mind right now; I think I’m always most impressed by the tiny moments that show how tenacious, resilient and fiercely kind humans can be - like Darius stepping forward to stop Gale’s cruel punishment, Leevy volunteering to tell Hazelle about Gale and promising to stay with the Hawthorne children, Madge bringing the morphling, Katniss pressing Darius’s hand in the Training Center, Twill taking Bonnie with her to flee to D13 and so on.

soul

I believe that Katniss was honestly surprised to learn that Gale had feelings for her; she had categorically shut down the idea of entering a romantic relationship for herself, so I don’t think she’d seriously consider anyone being romantically interested in her in return (that’s not how that works, of course, but I think that’s how she perceived the whole shtick). Their kiss threw her completely for a loop and if anything, she mostly saw it as something that contributed to the deterioration of their previous, easy and comfortable relationship.

Chapter 7

A mockingjay is a creature the Capitol never intended to exist. [...] They hadn’t anticipated its will to live. - In a way, the Capitol continues to make this mistake with the people living in the districts, too - underestimating their will to live (opposed to just surviving)

I look in his [Gale’s] eyes. His temper can’t quite mask the hurt, the sense of betrayal he feels at my engagement to Peeta. This will be my last chance, this meeting today, to not lose Gale forever. - Okay, we don’t know how much Katniss might be (incorrectly) presuming here, but the idea that Gale might feel betrayal because his best friend is being forced into an engagement pisses me off. It’s fine if he’s feeling jealous because she’s being paired off with Peeta when he wishes he could have a shot with her, but how in the world does this even rate as a betrayal?! A) It’s done against her will and B) Just because they’re friends doesn’t mean Katniss owes him anything when we’re talking about romantic feelings... Ugh 😒 Also, it’s quite noteworthy how insecure Katniss feels about their relationship - she’s constantly worried Gale will drop her and their friendship (waiting for Gale after the camera teams left after winning the Games: I’d begun to think that he’d given up on me in the weeks that had passed.- Ch. 2) and it doesn’t help that she’s been through that extreme, traumatic experience without him and they haven’t had much opportunity to spend a lot of time with each other (with the Victory Tour and Gale having to work so much) and when they do hang out, they don’t seem to really talk much, which doesn’t exactly help...

He [Gale] tosses the gloves on my lap. “Here. I don’t want your fiancé’s old gloves.” “He’s not my fiancé. That’s just part of the act. And these aren’t his gloves. They were Cinna’s,” I say. “Give them back, then, he says. - Gale can be so petty sometimes 🙄

While I talk, [...] [Gale] occupies himself with turning the food in the leather bag into a meal for us. Toasting bread and cheese, coring apples, placing chestnuts in the fire to roast. I watch his hands, his beautiful, capable fingers. Scarred, as mine were before the Captiol erased all marks from my skin, but strong and deft. [...] Hands I trust. - Oh boy, this moment really shows how these two are at cross purposes right now - Gale’s prepping the food as you would for a toasting (romantic connotation), while Katniss is oberserving his hands, thinking how their hands used to match (not anymore!) and basically wishing herself back into the time before the Games, when things were ‘simpler’/more clearly defined (and also platonic!); there is nothing romantic from her P.O.V. - it’s all about the friendship and trust

[Gale] steps in and I feel myself lifted off the ground. The room spins, and I have to lock my arms around Gale’s neck to brace myself. He’s laughing, happy. “Hey!” I protest, but I’m laughing, too. Gale sets me down but doesn’t release his hold on me. “Okay, let’s run away.” [...] “You’re sure?” I say. [...] “I’m sure. I’m completely, entirely, one hundred percent sure.” - Yeah, and I’m sure you’re not going to change your opinion in the next five minutes, Gale... In his defense, Gale didn’t know all the details, so in that regard it’s totally valid that he might decide to change his mind after having more input... It’s just that Katniss specifically asks him whether he’s sure and his reply is so full of conviction (100% sure!), only for him to do a complete 180 just a couple of minutes later; Gale’s very hot and cold, which makes for such a harsh contrast when compared to Peeta’s more measured reaction later in the chapter

He tilts his forehead down to rest against mine and pulls me closer. [...] I don’t try to move away. Why should I, anyway? His voice drops to a whisper. “I love you.” That’s why. - Oh man, Katniss just can’t catch a break 😞 Really not wise of Gale to drop the L-bomb here (after, what? a kiss they never talked about and little else... their communication is truly abysmal and it’s really damaging to their relationship, hurting the both of them)

“Gale, I can’t think about anyone that way now. All I can think about, every day, is how afraid I am. And there doesn’t seem to be room for anything else. If we could get somewhere safe, maybe I could be different. I don’t know.” I can see him swallowing his disappointment. “So, we’ll go. We’ll find out.” - I mean, honestly, I totally understand where Katniss is coming from - she doesn’t need a romantic interest, she needs a partner, which is why she’s been so eager to talk to her hunting partner, someone she’s used to rely on for survival and now he’s also confounding their relationship by introducing that romance-angle (as if it wasn’t bad enough that her relationship with Peeta got kind of messed up when that same angle was forced upon them prematurely)... Also, telling how Katniss thinks she’d have to be different to maybe even consider a romantic relationship with Gale - Katniss as she is right now just can’t see herself wanting to be with Gale romantically; it would require a change... I’ve got to give Gale credit for still going along with it, and trying to push past his disappointment, though

“My [Gale’s] mother is going to take some convincing.” [...] “Mine, too. I’ll just have to make her see reason. Take her for a long walk. Make sure she understands we won’t survive the alternative.” “She’ll understand. I watched a lot of the Games with her and Prim. She won’t say no to you,” says Gale. - That’s interesting, I wonder what exactly Gale means by that? That Mrs. Everdeen won’t say no to Katniss because she feels guilty that Katniss had to go through the Games or because watching her daughter compete in the Games really made her realize how messed up Panem is? Or that she’s more inclined to trust Katniss’s judgement after everything that has happened?

“Haymitch will be the real challenge.” “Haymitch?” Gale abandons the chestnuts. “You’re asking him to come with us?” “I have to, Gale. I can’t leave him and Peeta because they’d-” His scowl cuts me off. “What?” “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how large our party was,” he snaps at me. - Gale doesn’t seem to have realized how close and important Peeta and Haymitch have become to Katniss... maybe because they never properly talked about this aspect of Katniss’s life (I swear, their shoddy communication must account for at least half of the damage their relationship has taken in these past few months alone)

“What if he [Peeta] decides to stay?” he [Gale] asks. I try to sound indifferent, but my voice cracks. “Then he stays.” “You’d leave him behind?” Gale asks. “To save Prim and my mother, yes,” I answer. “I mean, no! I’ll get him to come.” “And me, would you leave me?” Gale’s expression is rock hard now. - Boy, oh boy! I think Gale knows (like Peeta) that Katniss could never leave behind the people she cares about; then, he’s kind of gauging whether Peeta has already received the Katniss Everdeen Stamp of ‘Caring’ - and, as it turns out, he has! And then Gale ends up making it into a bit of  competition by asking her whether she would leave him behind (or, alternately, her turning him down has him confused about the depth of their relationship, I dunno); not fun

“There’s an uprising in Eight?” he [Gale] says in a hushed voice. I try to backpedal. To defuse him, as I tried to defuse the districts. - Katniss is going to be about as successful as she’d been at defusing the districts, too - But here we have another example of Katniss trying to rein in Gale’s temper because she’s afraid he’s going to get himself in trouble (like when she decided not to tell him about Snow’s visit to her house because she was worried what he’d do with that information)... It’s really not great that she feels the need to censor herself so he won’t do something dangerous... Katniss knows first-hand how badly impulsive actions and decisions can be received in the Capitol - and she never even meant for a rebellion to happen!

“And it’s my fault, Gale. Because of what I did in the arena. If I had just killed myself with those berries, none of this would’ve happened. Peeta could have come home and lived, and everyone else would have been safe. too.” “Safe to do what?” he says in a gentler tone. “Starve? Work like slaves? Send their kids to the reaping? You haven’t hurt people - you’ve given them an opportunity. They just have to be brave enough to take it. - Katniss is taking all the responsibility upon herself again... Gale is right to point out that she was merely a catalyst, not the cause for the rebellion - the cause are the awful living conditions of the people in the districts

“Stop it! You don’t know what you’re saying. The Peacekeepers outside of Twelve, they’re not like Darius, or even Cray! The lives of district people - they mean less than nothing to them!” I say. “That’s why we have to join the fight!” he answers harshly. “No! we have to leave here before they kill us and a lot of other people, too!” [...] “You leave, then, I’d never go in a million years.” [...] “What about your family?” “What about the other families, Katniss? The ones who can’t run away?” - This discourse is so painful because they are both right - Katniss has seen more of the districts and how things are handled beyond the (relatively tame) confines of D12 and it’s fair that she wants to know that the people she cares about are safe from harm; Gale, of course, has a point commenting that not everyone has that opportunity and the only way to have a long-lasting, wide-spread improvement of their conditions is through rebelling against their oppressor - but that will inevitably come along with sacrifices and collateral damage and it’s easy to say that it will be worth it in the long run, but when those who are hurt/dead could end up being your loved ones, it’s definitely easier said than done

He throws Cinna’s gloves at my feet. “I changed my mind. I don’t want anything they made in the Capitol.” And he’s gone. I look down at the gloves. Anything they made in the Capitol? Was that directed at me? Does he think I am now just another product of the Capitol and therefore something untouchable? The unfairness of it all fills me with rage. But it’s mixed up with fear over what kind of crazy thing he might do next. - Gale getting rid of Cinna’s gloves just because they are from the Capitol is a prime example of this “us vs. them” mindset that he will be (worringly) fast to adopt - of course, perceiving the opposite side as “other” will make it easier to fight against them; however, it’s all too easy to lose sight of your opponent’s humanity when you think like that (think of how Gale has a hard time understanding Katniss’s distress upon seeing her prep team being treated so terribly/inhumanely in D13); Katniss feeling upset that Gale might perceive her as a product of the Capitol instead of its victim is understandable (and isn’t that exactly what the inhabitants of D13 are going to think of Peeta in MJ?) - and yet, she is still worried Gale could get himself into trouble with his impulsivity; she’s a good bean

”Going to town?” I ask. “Yes. I’m supposed to eat dinner with my family,” he [Peeta] says. - I’m tripping over the word ‘supposed’ here - it doesn’t sound like Peeta’s looking forward to hanging out with his fam, although it can’t be that often, since they’ve been away on Victory Tour and he is living alone (maybe the end of the chapter will give us another hint why that is 😒😒)... I can’t help but wonder whether these family dinners are mainly for public perception (in that case... it really is no wonder Peeta is so good at playing the cameras - poor guy had to fool the outside world his entire life) or because they are the only chance for Peeta to hang out with any of the members of his family he might actually want to spend some time with

“Peeta, if I asked you to run away from the district with me, would you?” Peeta takes my arm, bringing me to a stop. He doesn’t need to check my face to see if I’m serious. “Depends on why you’re asking.” President Snow wasn’t convinced by me. There’s an uprising in District Eight. We have to get out,” I say. “By ‘we’ do you mean just you and me? No. Who else would be going?” he asks. - Peeta doesn’t just blindly agree to Katniss’s proposal; he needs to know what’s going on first (he has been burnt before - no more secrets!) - and it’s a testament to how well he knows her that as soon as he’s asking whether she meant just the two of them, he corrects himself because knows that Katniss would never leave the ones she cares about behind

“What about Gale?” he says. “I don’t know. He might have other plans,” I say. Peeta shakes his head and gives me rueful smile. “I bet he does. Sure, Katniss, I’ll go.” I feel a slight twinge of hope. “You will?” “Yeah. But I don’t think for a minute you will,” he says. [...] “Then you don’t know me. Be ready. It could be any time.” - Telling how Peeta immediately agrees to the plan once he gathers that Gale won’t come - he knows that Katniss cares about Gale and could never leave him behind, ergo she’d never actually leave under these circumstances - he knows her so well. Also, Katniss’s reaction is like that of a petulant child, it’s kind of funny 😄

“Katniss, hold up.” [...] “I really will go, if you want me to. I just think we better talk it through with Haymitch. Make sure we won’t be making things worse for everyone.” - Ultimately, Peeta would follow Katniss to the ends of the earth - doesn’t mean that he can’t throw in a sensible suggestion in there as well 😉 (Also, in the next chapter we will see how Katniss, Gale, and Peeta might be a little too inexperienced/naive to be able to form accurate expectations of what is to come - Haymitch and his generation have a little more experience in that regard)

He raises his head. “What’s that?” [...] I haven’t noticed the strange noise coming from the square. A whistling, the sound of an impact, the intake of breath from a crowd. “Come on,” Peeta says, his face suddenly hard. I don’t know why. I can’t place the sound, even guess at the situation. But it means something bad to him. - Why does my sweet boy know what a whipping sounds like, Suzanne, huh?! Care to explain that? 😭

Peeta steps up on a crate against the wall of the sweetshop and offers me a hand while he scans the square. I’m halfway up when he suddenly blocks my way. “Get down. Get out of here!” He’s whispering, but his voice is harsh with insistence. - Peeta was offering his hand to help Katniss up the crate because they are a team (and he’s a gentleman)! It’s only when he recognizes who is receiving those lashes and realizes that Katniss will lose her shit once she knows, which could make the current situation even worse, that he urges her to leave, and he is not the only one to think that: - Voices hiss. “Get out of here, girl.” “Only make it worse.” What do you want to do? Get him killed?”

Chapter 8

It’s too late to stop the arm from descending, and I instinctively know I won’t have the power to block it. Instead I throw myself directly between the whip and Gale. I’ve flung out my arms to protext as much of his broken body as possible, so there’s nothing to deflect the lash. I take the full force of it across the left side of my face. - Katniss is so selfless; she knows that it’s either Gale getting hit again or a lash to her own face and she chooses the latter

“Hold it!” a voice barks. Haymitch appears and trips over a Peacekeeper lying on the ground. It’s Darius. [...] He’s knocked out but still breathing. What happened? Did he try to come to Gale’s aid before I got here? - Haymitch sure appeared quickly - I can easily imagine Peeta taking off immediately to get him (or send someone to bring him to the square) once he knew Katniss couldn’t be stopped; but if Haymitch had been at his house in Victor’s Village, there is no way he’d have made that quickly to the square... maybe he was already at the Hob and had gotten wind of the whole situation? Also, poor Darius! Wearing a uniform/being in some sort of position of power is no guarantee you won’t get punished as soon as you show the tiniest glimpse of compassion - in a place like Panem, nobody is safe from the caprice of the people in charge

I see a flicker of recognition in the eyes of the man with the whip. [...] it wouldn’t be easy to identify me as the victor of the last Hunger Games. Especially with half my face swelling up. But Haymitch has been showing up on television for years, and he’d be difficult to forget. - Getting Haymitch truly was the smartest move to make (which is why I’m pretty sure it was a move on Peeta’s part - he’d know how to use reminders of ‘appearances’ to ensure a punishment wouldn’t go ‘too far’, y’know 😢). But also - Thread must have lived under a flipping rock, to not being able to recognizes Katniss (her face must have been plastered all over the place during the Victory Tour, which just had concluded recently) - or he was just too in the heat of the moment, with someone opposing him, bleugh 😒

“He [Gale] was poaching. What business is it of hers, anyway?” says the man. “He’s her cousin.” Peeta’s got my other arm now, but gently. “And she’s my fiancée. So if you want to get to him, expect to go through both of us.” - I love how Peeta’s just laying it down as it is; his phrasing just sounds so factual, rather than provocative (although it is, of course); he really has a way with words - Maybe we’re it. The only three people in the district who could make a stand like this. Although it’s sure to be temporary. There will be repercussions. - Haymitch, Peeta, and Katniss working together as a team again! Also, a good example of the effect people with public influence can have 

One [Peacekeeper], a woman named Purnia who eats regularly at Greasy Sae’s, steps forward stiffly. “I believe, for a first offense, the required number of lashes has been dispensed, sir. Unless your sentence is death, which we would carry out by firing squad.” “Is that the standard protocol here?” asks the Head Peacekeeper. “Yes, sir,” Purnia says, and several others nod in agreement. I’m sure none of them actually know because, in the Hob, the standard protocol for someone showing up with a wild turkey is for everybody to bid on the drumsticks. - It’s kinda nice to see the local Peacekeepers supporting Purnia’s claim to get this display to stop - this is the only way out of this situation where Thread’s authority is not openly challenged (and we know Thread doesn’t take well to having his authority challenged - see Darius)

There’s no stretcher, but the old woman at the clothing stall sells us the board that serves as her countertop. “Just don’t tell where you got it,” she says, packing up the rest of her goods quickly. Most of the square has emptied, fear getting the better of compassion. But after what happened, I can’t blame anyone. - It’s sad how that air of intimidation makes people want to mask their acts of compassion (and also says a lot about the precariousness of the existing living situations if that old lady is still selling that board - I’d never even consider exchanging money for that, but that’s probably my privileged situation showing here; Katniss brings up the theme of fear vs compassion - very fitting, since it seems to be her driving force (although, generally, her compassion wins out over her fear) and despite her assertion that fear appears to be getting the better of compassion we see a good amount of people reaching out to help, such as the following example:

Leevy, a girl who lives a few houses down from mine in the Seam, takes my arm. My mother kept her little brother alive last year when he caught the measles. “Need help getting back?” Her gray eyes are scared but determined. - The subtle suggestion here that Leevy might be further motivated to help out because Katniss’s mom helped her little brother is also an excellent example of how kindness breeds kindness

“Get some snow on that,” Haymitch orders over his shoulder. I scoop up a handful of snow and press it against my cheek, numbing a bit of the pain. - This moment reminded me of Peeta immediately reaching for some ice from that fruit tureen after Haymitch hit him on their way to the Games in THG (Ch. 4) - their different immediate reactions to getting hit in the face could simply be due to the fact that Katniss is a little too preoccupied worrying about Gale to think about her injury, of course, but I feel like you could also interpret them as examples for how much experience Katniss and Peeta have with being hit in the face, respectively...

Gale must have gone to Cray’s house, as he’s done a hundred times, knowing Cray pays well for a wild turkey. Instead he found the new Head Peacekeeper, a man they heard someone call Romulus Thread. No one knows what happened to Cray. He was buying white liquor in the Hob just this morning [...] but now he’s nowhere to be found. - As I’ve already mentioned regarding Darius, inhabiting some position of power does not guarantee you any safety in Panem (there is always someone more powerful who will treat their inferiors like garbage, if they feel like it)

By the time I showed up, he [Gale]’d been lashed at least forty times. He passed out around thirty. - Jesus 😨 poor Gale!

“What about Darius?” Peeta asks.“ After about twenty lashes, he stepped in, saying that was enough. Only he didn’t do it smart and official, like Purnia did. He grabbed Thread’s arm and Thread hit him in the head with the butt of the whip. Nothing good waiting for him,” says Bristel. - It’s so messed up how it is not enough to have someone who’d stand up and do something about a horrible situation - they have to do it the right way, or else they’re toast; there really shouldn’t have to be a smart way of doing the right thing

Snow begins, thick and wet, making visibility even more difficult. - (President) Snow is coming down hard on them, making it hard to see what’s up ahead

Ever so gently, she [Mrs. Everdeen] begins to clean the mutilated flesh on Gale’s back. I feel sick to the stomach, useless, the remaining snow dripping from my glove into a puddle on the floor. Peeta puts me in a chair and holds a cloth filled with fresh snow to my cheek. - Although she’s quite squeamish, Katniss stays as Gale gets treated (the force that holds the loved ones of the hurt/dying, just like when Peeta was being treated after their Games); meanwhile, Peeta is taking care of Katniss - there is so much care + love to be found in this moment

My mother has to save the strongest [painkillers] for the worst pain, but what is the worst pain? To me, it’s always the pain that is present. If I were in charge, those painkillers would be gone in a day because I have so little ability to watch suffering. - Honestly, same; I can’t stomach seeing other people suffer without feeling overwhelmed and feeling like crying... I don’t know how professionals do it

“Just give him the medicine!” I scream at her. [...] “Take her out,” says my mother. Haymitch and Peeta literally carry me from the room while I shout obscenities at her. They pin me down on a bed in one of the extra bedrooms until I stop fighting. - Oof. Poor Katniss! But yeah, it was the best call to remove her from the situation, Mrs. E. had to focus on what she was doing... Also, Haymitch and Peeta are the ones to get Katniss out of there and stay with her - these three take care of each other!

After a while, my mother comes in and treats my face. Then she holds my hand, stroking my arm, while Haymitch fills her in on what happened with Gale. “So it’s starting again?” she says. “Like before?” - Katniss’s mom has become a much more active and soothing presence in this book, I like it... Also, what does “again” mean? Does this imply there has been an attempted uprising in D12 that needed to be squashed before?

Cray would have been disliked, anyway, because of the uniform he wore, but it was his habit of luring starving young women into his bed for money that made him an object of loathing in the district. In really bad times, the hungriest would gather at his door at nightfall, vying for the chance to earn a few coins to feed their families by selling their bodies. Had I been older when my father died, I might have been among them. - Horrifying and absolutely disgusting 🤢 Those poor women! How desperate they must have been! 

... when the doorbell rings, I shoot straight out of bed. [...] “They [the peacekeepers] can’t have him,” I say. “Might be you they’re after,” Haymitch reminds me. “Or you,” I say. “Not my house,” Haymitch points out. “But I’ll get the door.” “No, I’ll get it,” says my mother quietly. - Again, Mrs. Everdeen is taking the initiative! She was so watered down in the movies

[Madge] holds out a small, damp cardboard box to me. “Use these for your friend,” she says. I take off the lid of the box, revealing half a dozen vials of clear liquid. [...] “What is that stuff?” asks Peeta. “It’s from the Capitol. It’s called morphling,” my mother answers. “I didn’t even know Madge knew Gale,” says Peeta. “We used to sell her strawberries,” I say almost angrily. What am I angry about, though? Not that she has brought the medicine, surely. “She must have quite a taste for them,” says Haymitch. That’s what nettles me. It’s the implication that there’s something going on between Gale and Madge. And I don’t like it. “She’s my friend” is all I say. - I mean, Katniss could be mad because A) Gale had literally just told her he loved her a few hours ago and if there was something (reciprocated) going on between Gale and Madge, that would have been pretty shitty for both girls involved and also B) she is friends with both of them and it would be hurtful to learn that two of your closest friends had been seeing each other without telling you anything about it... also, she’s super upset over Gale getting so seriously hurt just after they’d had an argument, her feelings are all over the place

... I’m selfish. I’m a coward. I’m the kind of girl, who, when she might actually be of use, would run to stay alive and leave those who couldn’t follow to suffer and die. This is the girl Gale met in the woods today. No wonder I won the Games. No decent person ever does. You saved Peeta, I think weakly. But now I question even that. I knew good and well that my life back in District 12 would be unlivable if I let that boy die. - Yes, Katniss, you knew that your life back in D12 would have been unlivable if he died - but not because you feared that people would shun you; it was because you “couldn’t lose the boy with the bread” and because “if he dies, I’ll never go home, not really”... This is an excellent example of how distorted your memories can get when you are in a bad headspace at present

The berries. I realize the answer to who I am lies in that handful poisonous fruit. If I held them out to save Peeta because I knew I would be shunned if I came back without him, then I am despicable. If I held them out because I loved him, I am still self-centered, although forgivable. But if I held them out to defy the Capitol, I am someone of worth. - Katniss, you don’t have to be planning to overthrow a corrupt and cruel government to be someone of worth! You’re someone of worth just by being yourself! - The trouble is, I don’t know exactly what was going on inside me at that moment. - Frankly, very rarely are our motivations clearly defined by a single factor - or my professor would not have been able to teach an entire semester-long course on motivation psychology😉)

Chapter 9

Gale’s dead to the world, but his fingers are locked around mine. I smell fresh bread and turn my stiff neck to find Peeta looking down at me with such a sad expression. I get the sense that he’s been watching us awhile. “Go on up to bed, Katniss. I’ll look after him now,” he says. - Peeta! Must have been hard for him to see Katniss like this (and the underlying strength of Katniss and Gale’s relationship, when his relationship with Katniss is still not all that solidified), and yet he’s being such a good bean about it 😭

I give a strangled cry and wake with a start, sweating and shivering at once. Cradling my damaged cheek in my hand, I remind myself that it was not Clove but Thread who gave me this wound. I wish that Peeta were here to hold me, until I remember I’m not supposed to wish that anymore. I have chosen Gale and the rebellion, and a future with Peeta is the Capitol’s design, not mine. - Katniss, gurl... Maybe your instinctive desire to receive comfort from Peeta is trying to tell you something??!? Also, Katniss is forcing this strange dichotomous association of Gale = rebellion and Peeta = Capitol, when in just a bit, she’s clearly connecting Peeta to the rebellion as well (aside from the fact that Peeta was basically the first person to suggest to her that maybe a rebellion was necessary... just saying)

Fighting the Capitol assures their swift retaliation. I must accept that at any moment I can be arrested. [...] There might be torture. Mutliation. A bullet through the skull in the town square [...] I imagine these things and I’m terrified, but let’s face it: They’ve been lurking in the back of my brain, anyway. [...] I’m already a target. - Oh geez! Despite admitting that she’s terrified of what the Capitol is capable fo doing to her, Katniss is still pretty composed naming the possible horrors in store for her, which is just a heartbreaking reminder of how many terrible things she has already had to endure.🙁

Now comes the harder part. I have to face the fact that my family and friends might share this fate. Prim. I need only to think of Prim and all my resolve disintegrates. It’s my job to protect her. [...] I can’t let the Capitol hurt Prim. - 😭😭😭 Katniss has reached a point where she can put her own need for survival/physical intactness aside, but the thought of something awful happening to Prim stops her short (it’s so strange to think that, in a twisted way, it wasn’t the Capitol who’d ended up inflicting the final harm upon Prim...)

And then it hit’s me. They already have. They have killed her father in those wretched mines. They have sat by as she almost starved to death. [...] She has been hurt far worse than I had at the age of twelve. And even that pales in comparison with Rue’s life. [...] Prim... Rue... aren’t they the very reason I have to try to fight? Because what has been done to them is so wrong, so beyond justification, so evil that there is no choice? Because no one has the right to treat them as they have been treated? Yes. This is the thing to remember when fear threatens to swallow me up. What I am about to do, whatever any of us are forced to endure, it is for them. - All these things are very true and it’s also very fitting that the main motivation for Katniss would be to ensure a better future for the children of Panem (and to avenge the evils done to the people close to her heart... while Katniss of course can see the abstract bigger picture/reason for the rebellion, she always operates best when it comes to specific people/circumstances she has a deep, personal connection with)... But also: all these things apply to you, too, Katniss! Despite your tendency to feel responsible for everything and everyone, you’re still a child that had to grow up way too fast and had to endure way too much!

We need someone to direct us and reassure us this is possible. And I don’t think I’m that person. I may have been a catalyst for rebellion, but a leader should be someone with conviction, and I’m barely a convert myself. Someone with unflinching courage, and I’m still working hard at finding mine. Someone with clear and persuasive words, and I’m so easily tongue-tied. Words. I think of words and I think of Peeta. - Katniss’s idea of a great leader for the rebellion is Peeta - interesting, isn’t it (she could have considered Gale, but no)? She makes a good point, though: it helps when a leader has plenty of charisma, and our boy has that in spades; he’s got a good set of morals, is not above joining in on the action/risking his own neck when the need arises and is very genuine and purposeful with his words and actions, which is inspiring... I think Katniss is severely underselling how courageous she is, though

He could move a crowd to action, I bet, if he chose to. Would find the things to say. But I’m sure the idea has never crossed his mind. - Why would you assume that, Katniss? Peeta’s literally the one to suggest to you that trying to placate the district might not be the right thing to do... Peeta’s not someone who’d stir up trouble just for the sake of stirring up trouble, sure; he’s much more deliberate about doing things the ‘right’ way, but he’s not generally opposed to challenging authorities (he’s literally the one to openly gift some of your winnings to another district!)

She knows what she’s doing, my mother. I feel a pang of remorse about yesterday, the awful things I yelled at her as Peeta and Haymitch dragged me from the kitchen. “I’m sorry. About screaming at you yesterday.” - It’s so sweet how Katniss feels sorry for yelling at her mom and apologizes to her; their relationship really has improved so much in this book - “I’ve heard worse,” she says. “You’ve seen how people are, when someone they love is in pain.” Someone they love. [...] Of course, I love Gale. But what kind of love does she mean? What do I mean when I say I love Gale? I don’t know. I did kiss him last night, in a moment when my emotions were running so high. But i’m sure he doesn’t remember it. Does he? I hope not. - Katniss is struggling to figure out in what way she loves Gale... She definitely doesn’t want him to remember their kiss because she knows it wouldn’t be fair to give him the hope that she might be able to return his romantic feelings when she is still in the dark about her own

... and I can’t really think about kissing when I’ve got a rebellion to incite. I give my head a little shake to clear it. “Where’s Peeta?” I say. - Lol, goes on to immediately mention the guy she’s been kissing these past few weeks (see, with Peeta you could actually have both: kissing and rebellion, Katniss - he’s the perfect man, isn’t he? 😉😋)

“He went home when he heard you stirring. Didn’t want to leave his house unattended during the storm,” says my mother. - Yeah, I don’t think Peeta left because of his house; I’m pretty sure he needed some time to himself after seeing Katniss and Gale this morning - he is the type of person who needs to be alone to work through his feelings when he’s feeling upset - “Did he get back all right?” [...] “Why don’t you give him a call and check?” she says. I go into the study, a room I’ve pretty much avoided since my meeting with President Snow, and dial Peeta’s number. After a few rings he answers. “Hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home,” I say. “Katniss. I live three houses away from you,” he says. “I know, but with the weather and all,” I say. “Well, I’m fine. Thank you for checking.” There’s a long pause. “How’s Gale?” - Aww, Katniss is worried about Peeta and gives him a call, although she hates being in the study 😊 Also, her calling him must have been at least of some reassurance to Peeta that she genuinely cares about him, in some way (though, he’s still clearly busy processing her relationship with Gale, since he’s asking about him as if he hadn’t seen that dude just a couple of minutes prior)

“Have you seen Haymitch today?” “I checked in on him. Dead drunk. But I built up his fire and left him some bread,” he says. “I wanted to talk to - to both of you.” I don’t dare add more, here on my phone, which is surely tapped. -  Despite everything, Peeta still made sure to look after Haymitch! And I know, there is also the issue of their houses themselves potentially being bugged, but I couldn’t help imagining how they could easily avoid the whole phone-tapping thing simply by using a tin can telephone (they do live pretty close to each other, after all) 😂

“You don’t even have a phone,” I say. “Effie had that fixed,” he [Haymitch] says. “Do you know she asked me if I’d like to give you away? I told her the sooner the better.” “Haymitch.” I can hear the pleading creeping into my voice. “Katniss.” He mimics my tone. “It won’t work.” - Okay, but Haymitch mimicking Katniss’s tone reminds me so much of when Peeta mimicked her tone towards the end of their Games, when she was trying to persuade him to climb into a tree as a lookout while he was insistent she’d show him some plants to gather; these three, I swear! 😂 On a sad note, Haymitch is talking from experience here when he’s advising Katniss not to challenge the Capitol 🥺😢

Some streets away from the square, I see a blaze flare up. None of us has to say it. That can only be the Hob going up in smoke. I think of Greasy Sae, Ripper, all my friends who make their livings there. - Katniss considers the people from the Hob her friends - honestly, even if the Hawthornes, Everdeens, Peeta and Haymitch all had agreed to leave D12, I don’t think Katniss would have been able to go through with it - she cares too much about the people in D12 to have been able to leave them to their fate

“Well, I better go see how much rubbing alcohol the apothecary can spare.” He [Haymitch] trudges off across the square and I look at Peeta. “What’s he want that for?” Then I realize the answer. “We can’t let him drink it. He’ll kill himself, or at the very least go blind. I’ve got some white liquor put away at home.” “Me, too. Maybe that will hold him until Ripper finds a way to be back in business,” says Peeta. - Another instance of Katniss and Peeta being on the same wavelength, having taken precautions to help out Haymitch so he doesn’t have to go cold turkey again

We find Hazelle in her house, nursing a very sick Posy. I recognize the measles spots. “I couldn’t leave her,” she says. “I knew Gale’d be in the best possible hands.” - The second mention of someone having contracted the measles in D12 - Why the heck does the Capitol withhold measles vaccination from the people in the districts?! They’re inflicting unnecessary damage onto the very people they want to exploit... But I guess cruelty isn’t always about playing it smart and logical...

When we’re outside, I turn to Peeta. “You go on back. I want to walk by the Hob.” “I’ll go with you,” he says. “No. I’ve dragged you into enough trouble,” I tell him. “And avoiding a stroll by the Hob... that’s going to fix things for me?” He smiles and takes my hand. - They are a team, they stick together (and they are constantly holding hands, always physically linked to each other)😩💕 Also, Peeta pointing out the irrationality of Katniss’s train of thought to calm her down and stay with her reminds me of how he’s going to use logical reasoning to calm her down after the jabberjays in the Quarter Quell arena

We go back to the square. I buy some cakes from Peeta’s father while they exchange small talk about the weather. No one mentions the ugly tools of torture just yards from the front door. The last thing I notice as we leave the square is that I do not recognize even one of the Peacekeepers’ faces. - How weird is it that Peeta and his dad just talk about the weather?! Is this supposed to illustrate how in the Mellark family they just ignored the ugliness going on in their lives *cough cough* the abuse *cough cough* and just pretended that everything was fine, on a very superficial level? Also, it makes perfect sense that the Peacekeepers have been exchanged; the more time we spend with people, the more likely we are to like them - that won’t do if you want to have a ruthless authoritarian police force in the districts

As the days pass, things go from bad to worse. The mines stay shut for two weeks, and by that time half of District 12 is starving. The number of kids signing up for tesserae soars, but they often don’t receive their grain. Food shortages begin, and even those with money come away from stores empty-handed. [...] The eagerly awaited food promised for Parcel Day arrives spoiled and defiled by rodents. - This is just so awful and despicable 😞 Life in the districts was already horrible but now the government does not even honor the extortionary rules they themselves have set up! I can’t help but wonder if the lack of food could be traced back to rebellions in the food supplying districts and, to keep this from the inhabitants of the Capitol, the reduced amount of good food was (obviously) kept for the Capitolites, so that the bad food had to be sent to the districts, anyway... It just seems like such a breach of ‘honor’/etiquette on the Capitol’s part, I dunno... Or maybe Snow was just desperate to use any means necessary to stamp out any potential rebellions in the districts that he still had some control over...

Gale goes home with no more talk of rebellion between us. But I can’t help thinking that everything he sees will only strengthen his resolve to fight back. [...] Rory has signed up for tesserae, something Gale can’t even speak about - Poor, Gale! Poor Hawthornes :(

My fingers have all but decided to release the arrow when I see the object in the glove. It’s a small white circle of flat bread. More of a cracker, really. Gray and soggy around the edges. But an image is clearly stamped in the center of it. It’s my mockingjay. - It is so very telling that the true symbol of the rebellion combines something symbolic of Katniss (which also contains a nod to Rue) and something symbolic of Peeta (the bread/cracker!) The people in the districts have rightfully recognized the both of them as symbol of the rebellion; they have a truer vision of the matter than the more artifically/forcefully constructed symbol of rebellion that D13 /Coin will push - we will also see that when the people in D13 will view Peeta as a traitor, while the rebels Katniss will visit in D8 instead ask her about Peeta and assure her that they know he was speaking under duress

[shipsgaysfordays]

Reasonable

There’s a good chance that I might honestly make multiple fics for today because I think it could be used in a lot of different situations, but for now I have this. 

Lately I’ve been writing more angsty and sad stuff and this is a continue of that, an argument set during the first war. Neither of them are trustful of each other, and there’s a lot of anger there. Also Remus refers to the discrimination that the werewolves would be feeling on either side of the war. 

@wolfstarmicrofic

Remus and Sirius had been falling apart, breaking, decaying together as the war went on. Each of the missions drained them more and more. Meetings suspecting their friends and colleagues of being the spy, until things started to click for Sirius, to click in a way that made them mistrust the one person they thought they could trust the most. 

And of course there would be an argument. 

“WHY WOULD I EVEN BE DOING THAT?” Remus screamed after being bombarded with accusations. 

“The-the bloody wolves, they got to you, they got to your head. You need to just stay here, it’s dangerous enough that you’ve been trying to get them to join by yourself, what if…what if it backfired and they got you to…..” Sirius’ hands ran through their hair as they thought manically out loud.

“But you DON’T GET IT, you’re not being REASONABLE, why would I even join the death eaters? Why would any of us werewolves when EITHER WAY we’ll be treated as filthy fucking FREAKS OF NATURE?!? Why would I do that when I’M not even a pureblood, they also want me dead, why would I…”

Something clicked for Remus, to click in a way that made him mistrust the one person he thought he could trust the most. 

“But you……”he shook, pointing a finger at his partner, “You are a pureblood, oh god.” Tears started filling in his eyes, he rubbed his face, almost wishing that he had claws in this moment, almost wishing that he didn’t have to see their blurred face so full of sock and pain. 

“Remus, please…I-I could have been wrong, I see that now, I see that, but I would never…” Sirius started stepping towards him. 

Remus backed away immediately, “Get…get away from me, oh god, James and Lily. I need to….I need to…”

“Wait, please Remus, please. I-I’ll take veritasium, I’ll do anything, please love, I’m innocent.” Sirius stared at the ground, how had it come to this, until they looked up, “And…and, maybe you can take it too…….because I don’t…”

“You’re trying to make me question myself…make me want to get out of all of this, make sure the wolves aren’t a part of this so you can win easier……..THAT’S WHY…that’s why you keep treating me like I’m some fragil….” 

“Please,” Sirius reached out and grabbed Remus’ hand with theirs, holding onto his wrist with their other hand, trying to make sure he won’t leave them. “Please, let’s just think this through, we can go to the ministry, or someone, we can make sure we have this right.” 

Remus pulled his arm away from Sirius, “I…I need to go, I can’t be here anymore. I can’t be around you, after all this time I thought….” He walks almost like a corpse being pulled by strings as he heads towards the front door. 

Remus stops in his tracks and stares at Sirius, “Even after the prank, even after all the fights, even after all the other bullshit we’ve gone through–I never thought you could be this cruel.” He swings the door open, “Fuck you Sirius Black.”

The door slams, and Sirius is left alone, unsure of what is going to happen. They need to talk again, they need to figure this out. They’re so close to winning this war, maybe they can be done with it and finally get another normal Halloween. But the thoughts of holidays are far back in their mind, they need to talk to the ministry or somebody, but how can they go on when even Remus doesn’t think they’re innocent. 

[myuni-moon]

Hello! May I request a yandere genshin impact match up, I go by “Jhay”. I’m female, straight. I’m 5”2, tan, have long wavy black hair and brown eyes. I love reading, painting, calligraphy, I’m somewhat childish but have morbid fascination in medicine, watch cartoons, love soft and fluffy things and tend to be hyper feminine in my taste. People say I’m charming? I’m cheerful! I get stressed easily and a little scatterbrained when that happens. I love sweets, cats and talk to myself when stressed.

[playing cupid…]

—warnings: yandere content, mentions of drugging, stalking

event is now closed!

i match you with...

albedo!

there's something about a curious thing like you that pulls albedo towards you. you seem so gentle, so innocent, but the way you poke around the jars in his lab when you visit tells him there's something more than meets the eye.

while he doesn't deny that you are mature enough to take care of yourself, a little part of him wants to baby you in some way. it could be because of klee's influence that his "caretaker" senses starts to tingle when he catches you snuggling or sinking into the comfy cushions at his place. you might end up getting annoyed or confused with the somewhat condescending remarks that subtly leave his mouth at times. those thoughts intensify even more when you depend on him for something.

he takes advantage of your ditzy disposition, often feeding you lies or scooting a bit closer when he sees that you might not pick up on his obsessive behavior. sometimes, he would end up stealing some belongings or stalking you intensely before your able to gather your thoughts again.

depending on how much you've picked up on his yandere tendencies, he might or might not kidnap you and keep you up in dragonspine. he has a great amount of trust in his abilities to keep you with him. he'll carve out a secret little passage in his lab that leads to cavern where you'll be staying, even blocking it off with a few boxes just in case someone comes looking for him.

it won't be damp and cold how it usually is up on the mountain. he'd make it as cozy as possible, fill it up with your favorite things. all the skirts and dresses you liked would be up there, accompanied with stuffed toys and fluffy blankets. you'll be a spoiled little princess.

you won't have free range of the place; you'll most likely be restrained with padded cuffs and a chain. if you're particularly bratty, albedo would consider drugging you for a bit until you calm down. he's not cruel— not at all, but whenever your behavior is less than satisfactory to him, he gets a bit disappointed. you can tell by the way his icy blue gaze glazes even further with something colder, and it sends a chill down your spine that not even the frost of dragonspine could cause.

"hello to you too, love," albedo whispers to you one night. you've crawled onto his lap, forcing yourself between him and his desk littered with all kinds of papers. the sweater you're wearing is warm, but it doesn't hold a candle to the burning touches that albedo leaves on your sides. the blond hums as you press your forehead to his shoulder, leaning against him so sweetly. there's nothing to disturb the gentle silence between you apart from the crackle of the multiple torches lit up around his lab.

it's a small reprieve— a break from the reality that awaits you if you made one wrong move. it's a fragile reprieve— a scene of two lovers that could crumble to the truth of what it truly is: a captor and a victim.

before you could even settle into the delusion you've built up, you make the mistake of moving your leg just a little too quickly. the weight on your ankle appears, and you're once again reminded of the jangle of the chains attached to the cuffs around your limbs. your body tenses for a moment, and all you can ever do is hope that albedo doesn't notice.

[daevastanner]

Elucien: 20 lashes pt II

link to part 1 here

He should let her walk away from him.

He should remain in the corridor.

But her words keep replaying in his mind as she strides down the steps and out the front doors.

“You deserve better,” she had said.

And Lucien realizes… who was the last person to ever consider what he deserved?

For the life of him, Lucien can’t recall the last person, the last instance, where someone took his side.

Where someone stood up for him.

But Elain…

His reluctant mate.

She’d taken his side.

Lucien’s legs are suddenly restless, and he starts down the stairs and towards those double doors.

Out on the front lawn he sees Elain making a bee-line for the stone bench, that sits beneath a dogwood tree.

He nearly chuckles when she plunks herself down unceremoniously.

But then she’s frowning, cradling her hand in her lap. She is in pain.

Lucien hastens his stride to join her. That right hook she had thrown was piss poor. Her fist had been balled up tight, thumb tucked in. She probably jammed her fingers.

And the second punch to Tamlin’s shoulder certainly hadn’t done her any favors.

Lucien cautiously closes the distance between them with extreme caution.

It feels like he’s approaching an easily startled deer.

He wants her to know that he holds her to no promises. He is not taking her display of defiance on his behalf as consent. Lucien only means to help.

He expects nothing in return.

Lucien gestures to the empty space beside her. “May I?”

Elain doesn’t look up from her already bruising knuckles, but nods.

Lucien fluidly sits beside her, taking a deep, steadying breath before speaking again. “I can fix that. Your hand.”

She stills and Lucien curses himself.

He is searching his mind for an excuse to leave when Elain slowly offers him her hand.

It sits there for a moment, hovering in mid air. All Lucien can do is stare at it.

But the soft voice of the mating bond returns to him for the first time in a very long time, and urges Lucien to act.

Willing himself not to tremble, Lucien gently takes Elain’s hand.

It is warm and soft. It reminds him of her eyes.

He holds her fingers in both his hands, lips twisting as he runs a thumb across her knuckles.

“Is it… bad?” Elain asks. “It does hurt. But it doesn’t feel like I broke anything.”

“Can you try and move your little finger for me?”

Elain swallows then hisses as her pinky gives the smallest of movements.

“That’s what I thought,” he murmurs. “It’s a fairly common injury. Usually seen in drunken brawls.”

“I confess myself inexperienced with such injuries.”

Lucien chuckles at her quiet humor.

Her cheeks pink, Elain presses, “I’m assuming it’s not so grave an injury.”

Lucien meets her eyes and dares the hint of a smirk. “You may never garden again.”

To his surprise and delight, Elain laughs. A true laugh. She tosses her head back and the setting sun casts her hair a burnished gold.

Still, he doesn’t allow himself to hope that this amicability, this easy conversation, will ever evolve beyond this day. Beyond this moment.

He clears his throat as her laughter winds down. “This may tingle a bit,” he cautions.

Elain bobs her head, and Lucien holds her hand just a little tighter, focusing on healing those fractures.

“I didn’t know you had healing magic,” Elain says, a current of discomfort lacing her tone.

“Only the barest amount. No more than your standard fae.” He looks up from her slowly mending hand, meeting her gaze yet again. “You likely have some yourself.”

She hums in approval and the wrinkle between her brows smooths as Lucien finishes healing her hand.

He is reluctant to release it.

When will he touch her again?

When will they be this close again?

No.

He cannot allow himself to hope for that. He cannot allow himself to even consider the possibility.

With no small amount of effort, Lucien releases his hold on her hand.

His chest pinches when she doesn’t immediately withdraw.

Instead she lifts her hand from his palm and holds it to the sunlight, examining it curiously.

“Can you move your fingers?” Lucien asks (even though he knows the answer).

She wiggles her delicate fingers, and something primal in Lucien is pleased.

He has cared for his mate. He has made her feel better. He has healed her.

“I don’t regret it,” Elain says, still admiring her hand. “Hitting him.”

Lucien’s mouth is dry. He doesn’t know how to respond.

She drops her hand then folds both of them in her lap. Her brown eyes focus on the ground as though she’s seeking out an answer in the emerald blades of grass.

“I was just… so angry.” Elain sighs. “I’ve never been so angry in my life.”

He had seen it. He had seen the anger break out on her face. Had practically smelled it on her before she turned and marched into the manor.

And he recognized it. He recognized that feral animosity.

Elain had learned that someone had harmed her mate, and had felt that primal urge to defend him.

“It was like I was burning. It felt like my blood was… charged.”

Lucien nods and considers his next words carefully. “I am familiar with the feeling.”

Elain’s eyes snap to him, and he can’t tell if she’s curious or crestfallen. “It’s… it’s part of… what we share then.”

He nods again.

She sits a little taller, steeling herself. “It’s a part of the mating bond.”

Lucien fights to keep his jaw from dropping. For some reason it’s… staggering to hear her say those words. To hear her mention the mating bond and call it by its name.

“I thought I’d gone mad,” she murmurs. “It felt like I’d lost all control.”

Self-admonishment and guilt flicker in her eyes and Lucien feels a pang of sympathy…

…and again that primal urge to fix this, comfort her.

“No, you aren’t mad.” He didn’t dare hold her stare when he spoke the next words. “It’s white hot when it starts. Your blood roaring in your ears. Your heart thundering against your chest. It blinds you. You feel a need, a compulsion, to act.” Lucien folded his arms and leaned back against the tree, trying to appear casual though he felt anything but. “It takes root and you feel entitled to the rage, because… because the person who… who, erm…”

He doesn’t know how to say it without alarming her.

So she says it for him: “The person who you are bonded to?”

But she says it not as a suggestion.

She says it as a mercy.

To let him know that she is not afraid of him. Not afraid of the bond. He had, in keeping his distance, gained this much ground in her trust.

He continues, “Yes, you feel entitled to rage for that person, and that call to protect… it has to be answered. You think the only way it will fade is… is if you take action.”

“And it did,” she says. “It went away after I hit him…”

There’s an awkward pause and Lucien takes no time in filling it.

“And don’t forgetting spitting at him…”

A soft, wry laugh.

Silence that Lucien is again happy to fill.

“…and then hitting him again.”

Her laugh is a little brighter this time, and when she again meets his gaze her expression is… grateful.

He clears his throat, not wanting to allow himself the chance to savor this moment. To savor the way she looks at him without apprehension.

He doesn’t want her to run.

But he also wants her to know that she is free to.

It pains him to say it, but he forces himself to: “The bond causes many urges, but they are… more easily ignored than some may believe.”

It’s a lie.

But something like disappointment flashes across her face…

It’s just as quickly gone as it had arrived. “I see.”

Lucien feels something between them then. A sort of static thread anchored at the center of his chest. The place where he had felt that warmth spark all those years ago when she’d tumbled out of that cauldron and he had realized she was his mate.

And he suddenly notices that her dainty fingers are resting over her breastbone. Right where she might feel a similar sensation to the one he is experiencing.

This remarkable thread he’d never noticed till this day.

Lucien’s heart wrenches. Oily regret seepes through his veins at what can never be.

He debates telling her now. Telling her what he has planned to give her for Solstice this year.

The opportunity to break their bond.

Gods dammit he had just accepted that their bond was a sham.

He had just resigned himself to being without a mate.

He’d been training his mind for months not to go mad at the loss of her.

And then she had shown up today.

Looking like an angel.

Smiling at him.

Laughing at his jokes.

Wearing his earrings.

Defending him.

Letting him touch her.

Discussing the bond.

Her human heart, he realized, still existed there. It still beat. Fickle and volatile and full.

Did he dare unlock those doors?

Did he dare break the locks he had forged to keep her out?

Did he dare allow himself to dream again?

Did he deserve to?

“I asked you once,” Elain begins, her voice as fragile as a rose petal, “if you could hear my heart. You said you could not.”

Lucien nodded.

“Is the answer the same now?” she asks.

And he can tell that for whatever reason… Elain is hopeful his answer will be different.

But he cannot lie to her. He cannot lie to his mate.

“I cannot.”

The only sound is the breeze rustling the leaves, and Lucien’s blood pounding in his ears.

He remembers her response from before as though it was the rhythm of his own heart:

“No one ever does. No one ever looked—not really.”

Her expression then, so forlorn, so hopeless…

She did not wear it now.

Instead, Elain nods, and she seems almost resolute. As though she’s come to a decision.

He doesn’t dare consider what that decision may be. He doesn’t dare to hope.

And even still, as their eyes meet, he can almost hear what she’s thinking. Or at least he thinks so…

But you see me all the same, don’t you?

And he knows she can’t hear him, but he answers her silently: Yes, I do.

The easy silence continues and Lucien, for once, has no words.

“This Court is far too pretty for Tamlin,” she scowls.

And Lucien laughs, full bodied, at such a menacing expression on such a lovely face.

“You should tell him that.”

Elain balks. “I think I should ration my abuses towards him wisely. I’ve already punched him twice on this visit.”

“And spit at him,” Lucien adds wisely.

She laughs and Lucien is reminded of fox-glove flowers.

He is reminded of light and happiness.

The mating bond is the farthest thing from his mind.

Only Elain and her laughter remain.

Elain, her laughter, and the promise of maybe purchasing a new set of sheers for this year’s solstice gift instead.

[obeiii-mee]

Heyo, this is my first time asking (im kinda new to tumblr, so please dont judge) if you would'nt mind, could you do some headcannons (or oneshots, it dosen't matter) with all the demon bros and a MC who is crippled/paralized in their legs, and has to use a wheelchair to get around? Thank you!!

——————————-

This is the first time I’ve written about a crippled MC, so I hope I didn’t fuck this up or anything. I found out that being paralysed in both legs is a disability called Paraplegia so that’s how I titled this post. And y’all are too sweet, you are more than welcome anon! I hope I can portray this properly because I am not crippled myself so I’ve opted to do some research before writing this! I hope you like it! Also, I feel inclined to add that none of the brothers would treat you too differently if you happen to have a disability because you’re their human nonetheless :)

——————————-

The Brothers with an MC that has Paraplegia and needs a wheelchair to get around:

Lucifer:

-Lucifer was in charge of choosing the final human, exchange student for the program so it’s guaranteed he already knew about your predicament before you even arrived

-Him and Diavolo probably had many meetings concerning your disability before the program could commence, considering that being unable to walk would double the chances of you getting killed since you are obviously more vulnerable

-Not to mention all the treatment you would require

-Lucifer is not well versed in human illnesses and disorders, but he makes sure that he is educated enough on the matter before you get brought down there

-It would not be easy, but he is determined to help you survive your year in DevilDom for the prince’s sake

-First problem of the day was, of course, your wheelchair

-Due to lack of time, Lucifer was unable to instal ramps around the House of Lamentation which meant that for the first couple of weeks, someone would’ve had to help you move around certain parts of the house

-He gave that highly prestigious job to himself because he didn’t trust his brothers and thought they would accidentally drop you and your wheelchair down the stairs

-He talks a lot to you, even at the beginning, because he needs to establish your needs and what he should do to make sure you don’t die for the following year

-You would have to tell him about physical therapy and how most commonly it uses heat, massage and exercise to stimulate your nerves and muscles, making it a great treatment for people with leg paralysis

-Once you two enter a more intimate and personal relationship, it’s more than likely he’ll help you perform those things himself (instead of kidnapping a human doctor from somewhere)

-Lucifer knows you have no problem getting around with your wheelchair by yourself but there are times where he’ll insist to push you along in order to give you a quick break

-I can totally imagine you two strolling around DevilDom and having cosy chats about RAD and your adjustments to DevilDom

-He has a softer side to him that he’s afraid to show most of the time, but he feels so at ease when you’re around, it’s hard for him to hold that part of him hidden from you

-Of course, your safety still remains his primary concern and he acts more like your guardian than Mammon does, even if he was originally supposed to look out for you

-He will accompany you almost anywhere. And if he can’t, he’ll have one or more of his brothers do it. And even then he’s probably lurking nearby, just in case

-He would always be willing to listen about your condition, if you wished to tell him whether you were born with the defect or why you ended up crippled later in life. Either way, he’s all ears

-If you would rather not speak about it, he wouldn’t pry and respect your decision because he knows it’s not his place to pressure you

-Because of your paralysis, it’s quite obvious to demons that you are even weaker (physically speaking) than most humans and that usually puts a target on your back

-Howver, never fear, because Lucifer is pretty quick to put lower rank demons in their place with just a mere stare

-Oop one of them passed out from the fear, haha

-In conclusion, he’s the most responsible when it comes your comfort and safety during your stay

-He makes sure you are always left in good hands and and provides most of the requirements you need

-Y’all should see how his wings puff up when he senses a threat approaching you, he looks like a peacock ready to go on attack lol

Mammon:

-The second born is unsurprisingly a bit of a jerk at first

-He stays really grumpy the whole day of your arrival because he’s stuck babysitting you stupid human

-“Lucifer c’mon, what’s all this workload for? The human can’t even walk by themselves, why do I have to help them out?”

-Wtf Mammon you can’t say shit like that

-Anyways, the following very few days, the only thing he’s thinking about is how much money he could sell your wheelchair for

-He’s the literal incarnation of greed, what else did you expect from him?

-After a while, he starts feeling a bit guilty every time he thinks about it though

-Mammon is gonna take this secret to the grave (laughs in immortal) but he actually really likes pushing you around

-Maybe it’s because it’s a clear indication to everyone around him that you are HIS human, under HIS protection and therefore you trust HIM the most since he was your FIRST MAN

-He will insist on helping you get out of that thing when you need to go to bed and stuff every night and he will get pouty real fast if you let any of his other brothers do it

-You wake up to him trying to roll around in your wheelchair one night at like 3am

-At some point, he stole a wheelchair from the human realm to match with his human. You can guess the consequences of his actions

-I can imagine you having to face a staircase or something at school and Mammon being like:

-“Fuck it, imma carry this fragile human instead; wheelchair and all!”

-Like you were a sack of potatoes or something smh

-Cue his brothers watching him from a distance as he heaves you and basically weight-lifts you up the stairs

-Ok but every now and again, he gets so sad thinking about you not being able to walk, like he starts crying kinda sad

-While you stand there like 😐 “Why are you crying?”

-He’s so quick to help if he senses you’re in danger too

-It’s canon that Mammon is crazy fast if he wants to be so if he has even the slightest impression that your life is threatened, his feet are already moving

-He will charge at your immediate threat at around 120 miles per hour-do not try him when he’s mad

-“The Great Mammon saved the day! C’mon MC, let’s go buy some ice cream. My treat! Ya better be grateful!”

-He says while the demon that tried to eat you lies on the floor with about a dozen broken bones

-Mammon is the second most powerful demon out of all of his brothers, even if he doesn’t resort to violence often

Levi:

-He didn’t really know how to react when you first teleported to DevilDom

-I mean, from the very beginning he considered you to be a human normie but at the same time, he felt bad you were stuck with his brothers for the rest of the year

-I think he would understand you would have an even harder time integrating yourself in their house because of your disability and he knows his siblings are really fucking annoying, always pushing you around and whatnot

-So, he kinda lets you hide in his room quite often

-You guys chill out in there all the time, much to the dismay of the other brothers who also want to spend time with you

-At some point, Levi definitely begged asked Lucifer to let you start online classes with him

-“But wouldn’t it be easier for MC to do online school from home rather than go to R.A.D since there aren’t any ramps or anything around there???”

-“The answer is no Leviathan.”

-“Ugh fine! What a fucking boomer-“

-For some reason, he gets so flustered whenever you ask him to push you around

-He blushes right to the tips of his ears and then he starts sputtering some nonsense that you can’t make out at all

-But he’s more than happy to do it, especially if you guys are going to a convention or if he’s dragging you out to buy new merch

-You two would get along in the sense that Levi realises the struggles you faced all your life were tough to overcome and he believes you are just like him

-Usually left out by other people, ignored even

-He knows you always listen to him ramble on about whatever he is currently obsessed with and how much you check up on him to make sure he never isolated himself

-He wants to do that for you too! Talk to him about your hobbies, please I’m begging you-he feels so bad whenever he’s doing all the talking

-If you ask him to help you with anything (getting something, helping you into bed—that sort of thing), he legally and physically can’t say ‘no’

-And he would get envious enough to stop talking to you for a day or two if you let his brothers do it instead (the second and third born are indeed similar lmao)

-S T A Y I N H I S R O O M, W H E R E Y O U C A N B E P R O T E C T E D !

-He will feel so much more at ease if you’re in his room because to him, that’s his haven

-If you’re in there with him, that means you’re not getting involved in his siblings’ endless and dangerous shenanigans

-Whenever you’re at school, he can’t help but worry about your well-being

-Because you’re human! You’re gonna get killed!! Do you know how much your organs sell on the black market in DevilDom??? 100x more than in the human realm, that’s for sure

-Would they have a black market or would it be a regular market lol

-For some reason, he also likes staying in your wheelchair when you’re not using it

-I think he just takes comfort in knowing it’s something that belongs to you and smells like you and-

-OK Levi, sit back down

-He wouldn’t treat you any differently if you had a disability tbh, but he’d be more concerned because you can’t even run away or anything

-So he’s so fuckin’ relieved when you guys are just vibing in his room

-He could die happy knowing he kept his best friend/ partner safe

Satan:

-Satan would be even more prepared for your arrival than Lucifer would, in a sense

-Out of all of his brothers, he’s most likely to understand and recognise paraplegia (either from studying human illnesses/birth defects/disabilities or from encountering humans with said disability)

-He’s a smart boy, alright?

-Always seems to be the first to notice if you need help or if someone’s bothering you

-Though in the very beginning, he was pretty tempted to just let you get killed to see how angry Lucifer could get

-Seeing dear Luci’s misery brings him great joy 🥰🥰🥰

-Once you two manage to build a very honest and strong relationship, he feels more and more inclined to keep you out of harm’s way

-Pls, he would feel so honoured if you let him push you around (it’s like you asked him to h*ld h*nds or something)

-If you require treatment of any kind, he would be so happy to help

-But in a subtle way...?

-Satan makes it seem so smooth too like he doesn’t mind lending a helping hand when in reality he’s all giddy inside

-*Kinda wants to rub it in his brothers’ faces but at the same no, because he’s definitely the bigger person here

-He wants to know how your wheelchair works

-It’s got all of these neat mechanisms and he wants to learn how they’re constructed because he never had the chance to inspect one before

-He’s such a sweetheart about asking you as well and never pries about your disability unless you start elaborating yourself

-Most of the time, he acts all charming and very gentleman-like

-So people have a hard time spotting and acknowledging the building rage inside of him every time he sees you are threatened by some moronic low rank demon

-Satan’s usually chill when it comes to injuries, unless he can see you’re in horrible pain

-There’s nothing a few spells can’t accomplish

-But when others purposefully try harming you?

-It’s like he loses all the self control he’s been trying to perfect over the centuries and he can’t help himself from at least breaking someone’s rib cage

-Satan’s a weird one because he’s protective of you even though he’s more on the relaxed side when compared to his siblings

-He very much acknowledges that you made it this far in life with your predicament so he doesn’t feel the need to baby you or anything

-You’re strong and he knows this

-It’s one of the many things he clearly loves about you

-That one time you rolled over Mammon’s foot with your wheelchair on purpose, he was wheezing

Asmo:

-Even now, he can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be stuck inside a wheelchair for the rest of his eternal life

-I mean, he’d obviously still be absolutely fabulous, have you seen him? He’s gonna be gorgeous either way

-But after the two of you meet, he definitely starts thinking about how he takes his feet for granted all the time

-It would be so difficult to complete his daily tasks without the ability to walk or run around

-That’s why he gets sad every time he remembers that’s your reality and on days like that, you’ve noticed he gives you a helluva lot more attention than usual

-He knows you don’t need pity or anything so he’s just making sure his human has all the support they can get

-Paraplegia or not, shopping trips are still a go-go

-He loves buying you clothes! And he loves helping you try them on! Asmo takes it very seriously

-Might have a go at the employees if they’re being rude to you

-You don’t even ask him to, but he subconsciously starts pushing you around himself whenever the two of you are out together

-“MC! Look at that new shop that’s just opened! Isn’t it adorable? We have to check it out!”

-He can’t help it! There’s so many places he wants to visit, he sort of just drags you with him wherever he goes

-Even at home, he always pops out of nowhere to coax you into coming to his room

-Y’all have so many skin routines to do each day

-Like he’s in your room most nights to greet you goodnight and tuck you in, with the rest of his brothers it gets so awkward at times

-Asmo just wants to see you smile, ok? He thinks you have a beautiful smile and laugh and he wants to remind you that you’re marvellous, disability or not

-And if anyone does anything to put an end to your self confidence, he will swiftly put an end to their life

-Please, he’s a pro at ruining lives, he’s been doing it for centuries

-Asmo has such a huge influence over the people in DevilDom, he just needs to make this one post on Devilgram to end said demon’s whole career

-I mean, who is he compared to him, Hmm? So don’t worry MC, scum like that don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you :)

-That one time Mammon tried lifting you up the stairs and Asmo started shrieking, like put them down! Don’t manhandle them like that, poor human :(

Beel:

-I know I sound repetitive, but he would be an overall sweetheart to you no matter the circumstances

-If Mammon is not by your side, then Beel definitely is

-His big, scary aura and figure usually scares off any threat in a 10 mile radius

-Most demons don’t fancy being eaten by the Avatar of Gluttony, ya know?

-Idk why but I feel like he’d be the type to ask for oral consent every time he wanted to push you around

-He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable :(

-Surprisingly also the type to lift you and your wheelchair whenever an obstacle gets in your way

-You basically weigh the same amount as a paper plate compared to him, so he has no problem doing so

-He doesn’t really understand your condition as well as Satan may do, but he’s trying his best

-You mean so much to him and he feels it’s only fair he learns more about your disability as a thank you for what you’ve done for him

-He has a rough time keeping up with you when it comes to stuff like physical therapy because he’s very unfamiliar with it but that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna help

-Of course, Beel believes that this is the second best way to show you how much he cares for you besides the obvious ‘I love you’

-Giving you a hand whenever you need his support the most

-That’s his way of saying “I’m not going to let you down. I want you to trust me, the same way I trust you.”

-And knowing him, he will try to do everything in his power to keep you safe and sound

-After a while, you’re bound to notice he’s the first one to pull you out of his brothers’ pranks before you have a chance to get hurt

-Beel is always the one handing you stuff from high places you can’t reach, without teasing you for it like Mammon might do

-Always the first one to remind you to get plenty of rest and to eat enough

-He wants to protect you and his brothers because he knows he failed to do so with Lilith so yeah, he’s a bit overprotective at times

-He doesn’t mean to be overbearing, but he gets so anxious knowing you’re by yourself

-After a few months of getting accommodated with him, your disability is no longer brought up in the conversation

-Because he doesn’t care that you are crippled and forced to use a wheelchair

-You are part of his family and he loves you no matter what

Belphie:

-He didn’t really care, even when you first met and his hatred for humans was at its very peak

-It didn’t matter that you had a disability

-All that mattered to him at the time was killing you to satisfy that deeply rooted need of vengeance inside of him

-Though he was sort of surprised his brothers didn’t get to you first

-In general, he’s pretty chill about you being crippled in both legs

-It takes too much effort to worry about your well-being 24/7 after all

-Surprisingly, he does keep an eye out for you if his siblings aren’t nearby

-It’s his redemption arc people, he’s trying to be nicer

-But he has such an irritating way of showing his affection for you

-Do not let him push you around

-He’s either going to a) fall asleep after 30 seconds and slump over you in the middle of RAD’s halls

-Or b) be annoying and fling your wheelchair in every direction possible just to piss you off

-He likes messing with you because you give him the best reactions and he thrives on that

-You’ve almost fallen off your wheelchair multiple times because of this asshole

-Not that he’d actually let you fall, he just wants to see how easily he can get you to yell at him

-Speaking of said wheelchair, like Mammon and Levi, he also loves using it when you’re not

-You’ve woken up to him curled up and asleep in that thing quiet often and he’s gotten in trouble over it every time with Lucifer

-But he doesn’t care

-And at this point, I don’t think even he knows whether he’s doing it to get a reaction out of you or because he somehow found a way to make himself comfortable there

-He would low key use you as a mode of transportation every time you go to RAD

-Just clings the damn wheelchair and almost topples both of you over

-“Belphie, there’s nothing stopping you from walking 😐”

-“Shh, just bring me to class and let me nap until then.”

-He doesn’t mention your legs but he still lays his head on your lap often

-Might make you hold him like a bride every time you stroll around the house

-It’s done out of love, I promise 😌😌

———————————

Al~