#I want to get to the finale

[total-drama-takes-takes-2]

aftermath 3

A flashy intro sequence reading “TTA Aftermath” flashes across the screen as a merry tune plays. A clip montage of scenes from the past four challenges play- mostly the humiliating ones. 

The screen glitches, and the camera pans out and down to a swanky studio. Former contestant Caesar is sitting on a suede couch in front of a clearly cardboard back wall. Former contestant Bonnie is seated next to him, holding an electric cattle prod. In the bleachers off to the side are every camper who hasn’t made it back, or who’s been eliminated so far- Courtney, Ass, Julia, Staci, Mal, Frollo, Kelly, Austin, McLovin, Michela, Sha-Mod, Joner, Patrick, Kitty, Fren, Max, and Peter. 

“Are we on?” Caesar whispers off to his side. Bonnie shrugs. “Alright, then! Welcome back, ladies and gents and everyone in-between or outside- I’m your host, Caesar Flickerman, and this is Total Takes Action: The Aftermath! Joining me today is my lovely co-host, Bonnie,” Bonnie zaps the air with the cattle prod for emphasis. “And our lively peanut gallery.”

“What’s that thing for?” Max asks pointing at Bonnie’s right hand. 

Caesar rolls his eyes and points behind the shorter boy, to where Patrick and Julia are holding hands behind them. Both are covered in little zap marks. 

“Anyway, we’ve got a great, action-packed episode today, so don’t tune out on their behalf!” he says. “For our first segment, let’s invite our newest peanut gallery citizen, Peter!”

Peter stands from where he’s seated beside Alistair and carefully maneuvers down the steps and into the hot seat- now a comfortable pink armchair. 

“Peter, darling, we all lost our minds back here at the studio when you willingly took the fall for Scruffy, stranding O- what inspired that decision?”

“Well,” Peter shuffles nervously in his seat. The camera focuses on Julia for a moment, who looks away uncomfortably. “I just felt like it was the right thing to do.”

“Brilliant. To hell with the competition, today let sportsmanship take the lead! We do have a question from our “frequent flier fan”, River: What’s your girlfriend’s name?”

Peter seems to relax at the change in tone and smiles, holding out his front-pocket picture to the audience. It depicts a short redhead. “Lois,”

The audience aws and Caesar grins. “It must be nice having your sweetheart at home instead of on national TV, huh?”

“It’s a huge relief,” he says. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being on TV, but-”

“Of course, I understand. I know I’ve had my fair share of… inopportune moments that are immortalized forever! Isn’t that right, Bonbon?” he turns to address the co-host. They nod. 

Caesar thanks Peter for his time and the squat gentleman returns to the stands. “Let’s see… Scary? Has anyone seen Scary?”

An intern rushes up and whispers something in Caesar’s ear. He nods curtly. “Okay, then- our next guest is known for his flair and fabulous talent- Alistair!”

The pink-haired gentleman comes down from the stands, taking a seat with his legs crossed in the chair beside Caesar and Bonnie’s couch. “Happy to make it,”

“You’ve been here since noon,” Bonnie says dryly. They are ignored. 

“From fan-favorite with your own bustling “frendom” to an underground method actor- how does it feel?”

“I wouldn’t call myself “underground”,” Alistair starts, chuckling nervously. Crickets from the peanut gallery. He clears his throat. “Well, it’s been a complete and true honour being able to test out my improv skills on this show. Though, I do prefer the stage.”

“Understandable. Let’s see some audience questions, shall we?” Caesar shuffles the cue cards in his hand. “Alistair- what are your thoughts on Patrick and Julia, and what are your thoughts on Patrick? Do you think he’s cute?”

The audience oohs and Alistair turns a little red. He chuckles. “I’m a bit out of his league, don’t we think?”

“You take that back!” Julia stands and points at him. “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about!”

“You… want me to be attracted to your boyfriend?”

“Everyone should be attracted to my boyfriend! It’s how I know I’m winning!”

“Yeah!” Patrick chimes in. “Everyone knows the best way to rate your attractiveness as a man is by how many gays are into you.”

“Exactly!” Julia says. 

Alistair rolls his eyes. 

“Speaking of couples,” Caesar says, standing. “It’s time for the first game of the episode! If we could have Julia and Patrick, Michela and Max, and Sha-Mod and McLovin join us on the stage…”

The furniture begins to roll back by itself, and a large section of the floor disappears below before popping back up with three loveseats. The designated pairing give each other nervous glances, but none look more bothered than Patrick and Julia. They’re the last ones to arrive on the stage, and definitely the last to sit. Patrick puts his arm around her for good measure. 

Caesar paces the stage in front of them. “Welcome to Wedding Watchers- the ultimate compatibility test, designed by yours truly,” he places a hand on his heart, and then clears his throat. “Here are the rules.”

Bonnie weaves between the seats as he speaks, handing a white board and marker to each player. 

“I will ask a simple question based on compatibility- the partner in the right hand seat (my left, your right!) will have to guess how their partner answered it. For every correct answer, you get a point,”

“What do we win?” Max insists. 

“What happens if we lose?” Julia talks over him. 

Sha-Mod and McLovin are thumb-wrestling silently in their seats, as if they’d already forgotten what was going on. 

“Winner gets to choose something from our mystery voucher basket!” the camera pans over to a wicker basket full of envelopes. “The loser gets humiliated on national TV. Is that not enough? Or…” Caesar grins. “Should we bring out the sharks again-”

“NO! Humiliation is enough!” Julia snaps. 

“Kidding, kidding. Only teasing, Jules,” Caesar chuckles, then sighs. “Ready?”

The couples look between each other. Patrick leans in to whisper in Julia’s ear- “Follow my lead.”

Max sighs and Michela pats his shoulder. Sha-Mod and McLovin are arguing about who can draw a better T-Rex on their whiteboards. 

“Alright- first question. At what age did your partner have their first kiss?”

“WHAT does that have to do with compatibility?!” Max snaps. 

“Oh, nothing. I just love drama,” Caesar chuckles. “You have thirty seconds.”

A large metal divider slides up from the bench, separating the lovebirds. Patrick curses to himself and Julia whispers- “I can’t see over your shoulder- what now?”

“Guess,” he murmurs back. 

“And… time! Let’s see those answers, folks! Julia and Patrick?”

The metal dividers slide back down and Julia and Patrick stare, flustered. Finally, Julia holds up the board- in shaky handwriting- “never.”

“WHAT!” Patrick shouts. He turns around his board- 16. 

“Wait,” Julia reads the neat Expo marker handwriting. “Was I your first kiss?”

The audience aws. Patrick turns red. “No! Of course not! It was… someone else,”

“Either way,” Caesar cuts in. “No points. Maxchela?”

Max holds up his board- 12. Michela turns her around- 12. 

“I had a summer camp fling once,” she laughs nervously while Joner freaks out from the audience. 

“Sha-Mod and McLovin?”

The two look up nervously, then hold up boards with sprawling mathematical equations on them. “We forgot the question,”

“Hm… Peter, can you-?”

Peter is already jotting down notes on his hand from the audience, then looks up, flabbergasted. “I can’t believe it- both answered 14,”

“A point for Shalovin!”

“WHAT!” Julia yells. Caesar ignores her. 

“Next question- where is your partner’s dream wedding destination?”

The metal dividers slide up again, cutting off the pairs once again. After 30 seconds of hurried scribbling and thinking, they disappear once again. 

Patrick and Julia are first. 

[IN FRONT OF HIS MIRROR]

Patrick squints. “Why, you little-”

“Trouble in paradise?” Caesar pops up behind them. They both force smiles and shake their heads. Patrick turns around his board- [Cabo]. “Shame- zero points! Maxchela, you’re up!”

Max holds up the flimsy whiteboard again. [Vermont.]

Michela turns hers. [Trinity College Library]

“What?” Max asks. “I thought you said that was impossible.”

She shrugs with a smile. “I’m coming around to it,”

The audience aws. Caesar places a hand over his heart. “Adorable. But, unfortunately wrong. Shalovin?”

[the shadow realm]

Caesar blinks. McLovin turns around his board- [the shadow realm]

“Well. I guess that counts!”

"WHAT?! HOW?" Julia shouts in frustration. 

“How would that even work?” Bonnie asks from the suede couch, leaning against the back and casually watching the proceedings. 

“Our evil shadow world twins would be our best men!” McLovin states, matter-of-factly. Bonnie rolls their eyes. 

“Okay, next question- “What is your partner’s favorite color?””

After another hurried half-minute of scribbling, Julia holds up [NONE. BECAUSE COLORS ARE GAY]. 

“Patrick?”

[Red]

He stands and slams his board on the ground. “I DO NOT TALK LIKE THAT!”

“You called the color orange gay LAST WEEK!”

“That’s an objective fact!”

“Why do you say that every time we argue?! It literally isn’t a fact, it’s the actual definition of an opinion!”

“Like you would know, female!”

“I swear, call me ‘female’ one last time…”

Caesar holds back a chuckle and turns to Maxchela, who are watching the display curiously. Finally, Max turns back to the camera and holds up his board. [Black.] Michela turns her after another second of listening to Patulia scream and throw things at each other. [Black]

“Another point for you two- and Shalovin?”

The two look up from their boards in confusion, as if they’d again forgotten they were playing a game. They hold up matching drawings of a T-Rex with laser eyes. 

“Huh. Well, it’s the same, so I’ll count it,”

Julia turns. “OH MY GOD!”

"Why should we even have to play this dumb game? We don't have to prove ourselves to these freaks!" Patrick insists.

"You couldn't be bothered to ask one question about me since we've started dating and all you do is talk about yourself!" Julia snaps. "I don't care about your Valentino, gaywad!"

"Your hair is fake blonde!"

A little "I knew it" comes from Max.

"It is not! You're a terrible liar, a terrible contestant, and a terrible person! And guess what- if Scruffy were here, I wouldn't have even TALKED to you in the first place, loser!"

Patrick gasps. "You take that back!"

"Make me!"

We’ll be right back. 

---

“Welcome back to Total Drama Action- The Aftermath! I’m your very charming host, Caesar Flickerman,” he grins. Bonnie sits beside him, pointing the cattle prod at Julia every time she swipes at the pair. “And this is my lovely co-host, Bonnie.”

The stage is now back to normal, bar from Patrick and Julia being kept on either sides of it. 

"So, are you two finally calling it quits?" Bonnie asks.

"NO!" They both shout. They sigh and Caesar giggles with delight.

“Next up, we have a very special treat-” Caesar starts as a few interns roll in an outhouse. “That’s right, with just a few days before the big finale, we’re having all the former TTI contestants, and all the failed TTA contestants cast their votes for who they’re voting for- team O, or team Scruffy! Inside the outhouse, you’ll find a few more audience questions to, um, ponder on while you’re writing. Let’s go alphabetically, shall we?”

---

Alistair sits in the outhouse, flipping through a few dozen letters. He sighs. “Junk mail, junk mail, bill… my, my, how I miss my fictional frendom,” he tosses away the envelopes, completely ignoring the ballot box.

---

Austin grind the tip of the pen between his teeth while grinning, reading through his fan mail and giggling. He chews too hard and the pen explodes in his mouth. 

---

“You know who I’m rooting for? NO ONE! This entire cast is just a bunch of miserable hungry piglets sucking on the chapped teet of the talented,” Ass snarls. “Not me! I’m not letting this show run me dry!”

---

Bonnie shrugs. “I guess, O. I feel bad for Scruffy but they need to get a grip. Then again… maybe I’m not one to judge. I mean, I wouldn't start getting up at 5 AM to run laps around the studio, but I'm also not known for handling things very maturely. Maybe... I don't know, maybe Scruffy just needs some support,”

---

“Obviously O,” Courtney starts. “He’s dedicated, kind, generous… he’s an excellent person, and he knows how to put his foot down. I respect that! Now, what’s up with all these letters about me and… them?”

---

Frollo sits silently in the confessional, flipping through his Bible and drinking tea. His massive stack of letters sits untouched. 

---

Joner hums to himself as he sorts out his mail, laughing out loud at a few. “Man, these are crazy,” he pauses. “How much time do I have left in here? Oh, well- for the record, Jonah Boner was McLovin’s idea. He’s really good at coming up with nicknames,”

---

“Everyone here sucks. Everyone,” Julia snarls, crossing her arms and leaning back against the wall. “But… I guess Scruffy deserves the win.”

---

“O, easy,” Kelly says. “We need a little more compassion in the world.”

---

Kitty sits in the confessional, chewing on the letters they’ve received. 

---

Mal sticks her tongue out at the camera. 

---

“O, I think?” Max says. 

Michela confirms with a nod. “Definitely O,”

---

“Tough. It’s tough, everyone’s so nice,” Sha-Mod ponders. “Scruffy? Or O?”

“You do one and I’ll do the other, so that way it’s even!” McLovin continues. 

“You’re so smart babe,”

---

“Whatever,” Patrick mutters. 

---

“O. No, Scruffy’s worked so hard- but O is my friend…” Peter thinks aloud. “Fine! O it is. Going with my gut.”

---

“Scruffy. What?” Staci asks. “They have some serious reps, they’re way smarter, and they’re doing it for a cause. It’s a no-brainer,”

---

“Looks like O is in the lead,” Caesar reads aloud the poll results as Staci leaves the confessional. “Not surprising. But, as luck would have it, this segment concludes today’s aftermath- don’t worry! We’ll be back again soon to host the thrilling end of Total Takes Action. For now, I’m your host, Caesar,”

“And I’m your other host, Bonnie,” Bonnie says from the couch, turning the cattle prod on Patrick as he growls from the stands. 

“And this has been Total Takes Action: The Aftermath!”

[tawnysoup]

Found my fav Slay the Princess route recently. Dragon my beloved. Your horrifying beak mouth was an impossible-to-refuse lip syncing challenge 💖

Shoutouts to @blacktabbygames for making such a cool game!

[rejoiceinsilverlight]

i think mabel somehow finds a picture of stan and ford's prom outfits and goes ham recreating the suits for her and dipper's prom

[shinynewmemories]

The Hunger Games has the FUNNIEST arranged marriage of all time btw. Katniss realizes she'll have to marry Peeta and she's obviously upset so Haymitch tries to comfort her by saying "you could do a lot worse" and Katniss is like "well DUH of course I could do worse than Peeta he's the best & handsomest person on the face of the planet but that's not the POINT I want to be able to choose for MYSELF". Then she goes and chooses Peeta anyway lol. Comedy gold I tell you

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

historical drama/sitcom where two gay best friends (woman and man) get lavender married--and proceed to spend the Fancy European Honeymoon their parents paid for acting as each other's wingman

[zillychu]

everyone sh. shutd up im cooking smthn

[puppppppppy]

abogagos……..

[katsinspats]

I think my copy of the game is broken they've been doing this for 30 minutes

Crop of the Biolizard edit I did bc it makes me laugh:

[hinamie]

mentor

[chloesimaginationthings]

The FNAF Vanessas meet their younger selves..

[spacerockband]

Quetzalcoatlus! poised to spear her prey!

[asleepinawell]

let's fucking gooooooo

[who-the-fuck-are-you-bruh]

[heartorbit]

if we could stay connected, just like this

[cozylittleartblog]

not that we didn't already Know belos was full of shit, but it's even funnier knowing the titan was still alive the whole time and probably judging him

[egophiliac]

you know, I've been thinking about it, and there is actually one single scenario in which I would be okay with not getting a big ol' "Silver Vanrouge" out of Lilia.

(just kidding, I still need some "call me Silver, Mr. Vanrouge is my father" in my life, please don't let me down on this one Twst)