#I want to explain my whole relationship with this show and how deeply it impacted my life and how I have a love hate relationship with it a

[snoopy-sapphic]

me rn. there is something about this show that completely altered my brain chemistry and it’s being reawakened by my first rewatch in 3 years. Fuck this show its so good and I’m obsessed and I hate it so much <33333

forgot how much i love supernatural. i hate this show

[physalian]

Writing Tone #2: Avoiding Manufactured Sincerity

There’s a scene in season 5 of My Hero Academia where two beloved teachers have been brought to some high security prison to interrogate a captured villain that turns out to be a brainwashed childhood friend of theirs. The scene is really dramatic, these two teachers are screaming at this guy, heartbroken, and when I saw the episode (shortly before quitting the entire show mid-episode over how bored I was) I was not at all as outraged and horrified as they were.

It was so tonally jarring, and so unfounded within the plot, that it was almost uncomfortable to watch. The villain they’re interrogating isn’t unfamiliar, but the plot-twist-surprise childhood friend is a stranger no one but these two care about.

I didn’t care, couldn’t empathize with why they were upset, knew nothing about their relationship with the guy beyond the ham-handed flashbacks given right that moment. I wasn’t prepared to mourn the loss of this random character, wasn’t primed ahead of time with the idea that this was a possibility to dread the scene before it happened. I was just waiting for it to be over and when it finally was, the impact it had on me was a resounding: Well that was weird. Now back to the plot.

Unfounded sincerity is the uncomfortably ugly step-sibling of plots that are starved of sincerity—look at most of Phase 4, but really, starting with Thor: Ragnarok in the MCU. Many Marvel properties are afraid to embrace the emotional moments and resort to bad jokes to laugh at themselves before the audience can laugh at them. Because how dare a late-stage superhero story about mythical gods be at all sincere in its relationships, its quiet moments, its tragedies. Nope, time for jokes.

Unfounded sincerity is when a story goes far harder with the drama, the love-declarations, the angst, the humor, where it’s trying really hard to convince the audience to care and it just isn’t working.

This happens when arguments start out of nowhere, as well, when characters explode at each other in a heated screaming match that hasn’t been left to fester for nearly long enough, undercooked and hard to swallow.

This happens when characters fall suddenly, madly in love with each other with zero dubious intervention to explain away the sudden passion.

It happens particularly when characters care a whole heck of a lot about someone the audience doesn’t, at the expense of characters the audience is invested in.

It happens when characters have emotional breakdowns and start crying over what ends up reading like spilled milk. When stoic and strong characters break over something they normally would never, for ~drama~.

This is usually both a tone and pacing issue, and a serious case of telling. The author hasn’t done any of the work ramping up a situation or relationship for proper delivery of these emotionally charged moments that are written like critical character beats we’re supposed to care deeply about.

So how does this happen?

1. The author *really* wants this scene, but writes it too early into the story

Unless there’s foul play involved, or this is a romantic comedy that isn’t supposed to be a realistic and healthy depiction of how romance works, characters suddenly declaring love for each other at the cost of their own well-being, their own character arc and journey, and their other motivations can be very frustrating to read.

But the author wants to get to the Good Stuff, so they coast on the “male + female leads = relationship” expectation without writing the why (and so ensures the rise of so many gay ships in the process). Or the male + male leads” or what have you.

2. The author cannot fluidly change tone and characters explode, instead of simmer

An argument that comes out of nowhere can really take your audience out of a scene. Your characters suddenly look ridiculous and your audience can’t follow what’s going on or why they’re so upset. This is different than a character exploding seemingly out of nowhere, but who we know has been building resentment for dozens of pages and loses it over something otherwise inconsequential.

These scenes are painfully, obviously there for manufactured drama and don’t feel natural. These characters don’t feel like people, but playthings, action figures manipulated by the hands of the author.

3. The characters involved are underdeveloped

As in the My Hero scene mentioned above, of the three characters in the scene, the “friend” we’re supposed to care about is a non-entity. The two teachers could have lost their minds over this guy’s sudden death, or the reveal that he turned traitor, or that he murdered younglings and puppies and kittens, to the same emotional impact, because we don’t care about this guy (or, I don’t, at least. I didn’t, and shouldn’t have to read the manga).

You can of course have characters who grieve non-entities, like the fridged wife trope. The difference is the audience knows we’re not supposed to know or care about that lady and the character she never was. This happens pre-plot, not mid-season 5. The frigid wife is the catalyst for the character we then come to know, not a character whose death radically changes our heroes from the people we’ve already established.

4. The tonal jump is just too extreme from the established rules of the story

Abrupt changes in tone can be very tricky to pull off, and almost always fail when it surrounds an abrupt shift in character dynamics (as opposed to something more plot-related). As in, your lighthearted comedy suddenly stops the plot so two characters can scream at each other, when this level of emotional charge hasn’t been established as a possibility.

Or the aforementioned emotional breakdown that just leaves audiences uncomfortable like the awkward friend trying to soothe a weeping companion.

—

Unfortunately, the fixes to these situations are either delete that entire scene, or go back and do a lot of rewriting so there’s enough build-up to justify its existence. Go back and write in that simmering resentment, all the little frustrations, a pre-existing tension within the relationship that is always primed to snap.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder and there’s a reason the “slowburn” is so popular. Setting out from the beginning to write a fast-paced, passionate romance tells your readers to expect exaggerated displays of emotion.

My favorite musical is Moulin Rouge. This movie is insane. Everyone is hyperbolically emotional and nothing is half-assed. The dances, the belting singing, the costumes, set-design, editing, the declarations of love– they’re all dialed up to 11. So characters screaming their love or rage from the rooftops is a *lot* but you’re prepared for it from the opening scene, knowing exactly what kind of movie this is.

Even if you don’t start your story with the level of drama it will eventually reach, there should still be some sort of progression when it comes to character drama.

Last Airbender didn’t open episode 2 with the emotional intensity of Zuko and Azula’s last Agni Kai… but it did show you that this isn’t just a lighthearted comedy in episode 3, with the reveal of Gyatso’s body and Aang’s violently emotional reaction.

Speaking of episode 3, they didn’t throw in Gyatso out of nowhere. We know from the show so far that a) Aang is the last of his kind, and b) he doesn’t know this. Everything leading up to this reveal is lighthearted, sure, but with that undercurrent of dread, waiting for Aang to see for himself, waiting for that other shoe to drop.

So some things to keep in mind are:

Prime the audience with dropping that first shoe, make them aware of the building tension (romantic, aggressive, grief, or otherwise), even if not all the characters are aware.

Build that tension. If your characters will eventually explode, let them be mildly irritated first, then annoyed, then frustrated, then angry, then raging until they can’t contain it anymore.

Make sure every party involved in this dramatic moment is someone the audience actually cares about, not just someone they’re told to care about.

TL;DR: Don’t pull the trigger prematurely. It’s most obvious with suddenly passionate arguments, characters flinging insults and hurts the audience isn’t prepared for and doesn’t know about, in effort to move the plot along before it’s fully cooked.

So unless there’s some drugs or fairy magic involved, or one of these characters has a gun to their head forcing them to do this right now, people don’t just explode in a rage without some buildup first. People can explode in a rage over a seemingly inconsequential and unrelated thing, but they’re likely already upset and this one little thing is the final straw. Audiences love the anticipation of what that final straw will be, and whether the explosive drama is rage or romance, “slowburn” is immensely popular for a reason.

[ilsaafaust]

Thoughts on Ilsa Faust in DR. Spoilers.

Thinking about Ilsa Faust's fate in Dead Reckoning and director Christopher McQuarrie's comments about it in the Empire Podcast. As a fan of the franchise and with Ilsa being my favourite character, I feel like I had to write a little something based on the movie and his reason for it. A lot of fans are upset (including me) and I want to write something properly, not just the angry tweets and posts. 

To start off, they wanted Ilsa to die already back when they were making TGM. And his reasoning seems to be that he didn't want Ilsa and Ethan to be romantic. Just that baffles me, if you don't want romance, how can you not just write a script where Ilsa and Ethan stay platonic? They handled it well in Rogue Nation and Fallout, you can see they care for each other deeply, but they don't act on it. We could have had Ilsa on the team, she could have gotten out of the game but was brought back in for some reason, she could have had literally any other story. But the fact that the only thing that seemed to come to mind if he didn't want to make them romantic was to kill her off seems very odd. 

He also talked about wanting to work with Hayley Atwell for over ten years and this fact seems a little too convenient when thinking about why he had to kill Ilsa off. But we'll come back to Grace later. 

He explains that they killed Ilsa off before they even knew the reason why. They killed off one of the most popular characters of this franchise without even having made up the reason behind it. We know that they work without a script, but making such a huge and impactful decision (he says he knew the fans would be upset) without even knowing why baffles me. 

I also need to point out, I would have been fine if she had been given a decent, meaningful death. Yes, I would have been sad, but had it felt worthy it would have been one thing. With how they handled her death in this, I can't be sad. I am just mad. Frustrated. Confused. 

Let's talk about Ilsa's storyline in this film. At the end of Fallout, she got out. In this film, she is disavowed for some unknown reason, and she is brought back into the game with the whole thing about the key. Kittridge says some weird comments about Ethan and Ilsa's relationship, that Ethan has saved Ilsa over and over when it is clearly the other way around. Let's go with this just being Kittridge getting it all wrong and not McQ but.. what do I know.

Ethan finds her in the desert and the whole scene is very rushed, they barely even talk, and.. she just hands him the key? What was Ilsa's plan? Ilsa's purpose? We don't know and we never find out (at least not in part one). Maybe there was more to it, more to Ilsa's story, we know they cut a lot of the movie, and we know for sure they cut at least two of Ilsa's scenes. 

Then she just shows up in the van in Rome before they end up in Venice. 

In Venice, we have Ilsa and Ethan hugging on a rooftop and holding hands on the gondola on their way to the party. For someone who claims that they didn't want Ilsa and Ethan to be romantic, I have a lot of questions. Especially since we also had the desert hug where she is literally on top of him. She is clearly a romantic interest, there's no questioning that. And to be honest, that is basically her only purpose in this movie. 

Now things get a little messy because we arrive at the party. I have always been a fan of McQ's writing of female characters. He did absolutely fantastic in Rogue Nation, Fallout and Edge of Tomorrow. At the party, the villain gives Ethan the choice between Ilsa or Grace. One of them has to die. 

Now, we know Ethan cares about Ilsa a lot, so the choice should be simple, her compared to this woman he just met who kept running away from him over and over and left him to die on a train track handcuffed to a car. The thing is, Ethan Hunt can't make that choice. He cares about each and every individual. 

We've now arrived at the reason why Ilsa dies. And I cannot begin to express my distaste for the cliché writing of having a male character choose between two women, one who is a love interest and the other who is so obviously made out to be the new female lead (and potentially, a new love interest, Ethan/Grace share some suspiciously weird longing looks but the fans are divided if it is romantic or not). 

Ilsa or Grace. Apparently, there can only be one woman on the team, which the previous films have shown us, too. 

I just need to add that they're working against an all-knowing AI, so why isn't "the choice" between Luther or Benji? Ethan's two very best friends, two brilliant tech minds who must be a bigger threat to the entity as well?

In the end, it all comes back to that it's not people that Ethan loses - it's women. And there is only space for one brunette woman on that team. 

So let's talk about the bridge scene. First of all, Grace has been running the entire movie, why would she suddenly stop running when there is a man literally trying to kill her? 

Anyways, she holds him off surprisingly long considering she's just a thief and with how in the previous action sequences she kind of came off as a damsel in distress. Eventually, Gabriel knocks her down the stairs. 

Enter Ilsa Faust. Highly capable spy, Ethan Hunt's equal, a woman who we know is lethal in hand-to-hand combat. We saw her take down Janik Vinter in a knife fight at the end of Rogue Nation and we saw her take down Solomon Lane in Fallout (tied to a bloody chair). 

She even has the advantage of a sword compared to the villain who has a tiny knife. They fight. For some reason, Ilsa manages to get in way too close several times (watch the choreography for the RN knife fight - she's quick, get in, slash, get out, you can't linger in a knife fight) and she somehow doesn't seem to be able to hold off the old villain longer than Grace. 

She gets stabbed in the chest. Ethan finds her dead on the bridge. In the next scene, Ethan looks sad on a rooftop for a few moments. Benji wipes a tear. They never talk about Ilsa again. It's underwhelming in every sense. 

But what makes it worse, is the fact that in the next scene, the team asks Grace to join the team. Not going to get into the writing of that whole scene, but the thing is, they do it in a way that is basically "look what happened to Ilsa." and the things they say honestly make the team seem very cold-hearted considering Ilsa just died. And we know the team is not cold-hearted. Yes, there's a mission and they need to focus on the job, but they really didn't have to do it like that.

When I tell you I have a bad taste in my mouth, boy, do I mean it. Ilsa dies and in literally the next scene she is replaced by Grace. 

Now comes the talk about her death which McQ describes as "very heroic". I'll admit, in one way, I get why he thinks it is a heroic death. Ilsa sacrificed herself to save someone else, that would be a worthy ending for someone who dedicated their whole life to saving the world, saving people. 

What baffles me is how he doesn't see how poorly executed the whole ordeal was, which is what fans and a lot of critics are upset about (see list of articles criticizing it here:  https://www.tumblr.com/rebeccalouisaferguson/723559978545414144/list-of-articles-criticizing-ilsa-fausts?source=share ) 

Is it fridging? In one way it is; Ilsa is Ethan's love interest and we know "the choice" between Ilsa and Grace happens because Ethan cares about her. McQ also mentioned it happening to up the stakes, so..

Yes, she also died because she decided to save Grace, but there's more than one reason for her death.

I feel like what also needs to be mentioned is that article with editor Eddie Hamilton who said they cut a "badass" line from Ilsa when she arrived at the bridge. They cut it because it lowered the audience's expectations for what they were about to see. "In the audience's mind, you know that Ilsa is going to kick some serious ass. She kicks a bit of ass, but not a lot. It's not a complete, devastating, ass-kicking, which you hope Ilsa is going to give at some point." They later removed this bit from the article because of backlash. We, the audience, know that Ilsa is better than and so do they. 

We know they're doing damage control, a lot was cut from the delayed Empire part two podcast. Somehow, the more they talk about it, it gets worse.

I know this movie is only part one and there might be more explanations for all of this in part two. But with what we've seen in this film, they fumbled her death so badly that the one thing that would make sense is that it is all a trick and she comes back in part two. There are many theories on that, but I'm not going into details or speculating on that here. 

A testament to how badly they executed her death is that people literally can't believe they'd fail her character this badly. McQ who we all thought was a brilliant writer. McQ who wrote one of the best female characters we've seen in years only to throw her out as if she was garbage. No matter what happens in part two, one thing is for sure. 

Ilsa Faust deserved better.

[when-jaguars-are-sick]

My inspirations and favourite blogs

I'm about to start promoting this blog, and I want to, first, say thank you to blogs that have inspired me the most.

I remember the first OC sickfic blog that I found, and I very quickly fell in love with both the characters and the writing style. This was @secretobsessionstuff. Max, your writing introduced me to a whole new world of fiction, one that I have fallen so deeply in love with. Max's writing first showed me how character development can be seen through sicfics. They've has inspired me to try different narration styles for my fics, and to not balance fluff and angst.

The next author that I fell in love with was Flick, from @angstyaches. Flick's writing is phenomenal, and I love how they brought an entire world to life while keeping it centered on whumpy topics. Flick invokes so many emotions through their writing, and this has always amazed me. Their skill at creating an emotional scene in a few words has been a huge inspiration to me. They really showed me the impact that a few words can have, and they have inspired me to experiment with different lengths of fics, and this has contributed to the way that I structure scenes when I'm writing.

I already explained how emphasis-on-the-comfort influenced my characters, and inspired me to properly start developing my OCs, and I'm so glad I got the chance to read her fics when she was active.

Then there's Soup, @bellysoupset. And I don't even know what to say about her, because her writing is amazing. I've been following her writing for a long time, and she is constantly surprising me. She has helped me add dimensions to my characters, and develop them further. I love how each of her characters is so different and unique, and I really hope this is something I am able to do with my characters as well. Soup's timeline style of writing has also been something that I've experimented with, and her writing helped me with that. I am so so glad that I have been able to be there for so much of Soup's works, and if my writing is ever as important to someone as her's is to me, then I will have succeeded.

Next would be Sol, from @writing-whump. I've been reading Sol's fics since they started, and each one leaves me speechless. The way that Sol incorporates worldbuilding, complex characters, and whumpiness is astounding. I keep telling people that the book I'm reading is so good, and I mean Sol's fics, because they genuinely could be a book. From Sol, I have come to appreciate the importance of characters having both strengths and weaknesses, and how this could impact their relationships. Her writing also helped me consider the importance of a plot, and I've started to think more carefully about how I'm introducing my characters, and the way that I want to reveal information.

There are so many more blogs that I absolutely love, but these are the four that I check every day and love so so much. Each of these wonderful authors has inspired my writing, and I am so thankful to have been able to read their works and exist in this community at the same time.

[theflyindutchwoman]

The road to Chenford - The Love Interests

Let me preface this (very) long post by saying this is only my opinion. This is about how I interpret the whole Chenford arc. The show is vague enough that pretty much all interpretations are valid. But if you feel differently, that's perfectly fine.

There's a lot of things that made me fall in love with Chenford, and I'll talk more about it in another post. But one aspect I found intriguing was the way the different love interests Lucy and Tim had throughout the show were used. Usually love interests are brought as a plot device to separate the main characters and bring all the angst... It's something that pretty much every TV shows do. The jealousy trope has to be one of the most common one... And yet, here, it was never really used the usual way.

Let's start at the beginning.

// Isabel & Nolan

It is rather interesting that we got love interests for both Lucy and Tim right from the start (probably because Chenford was unplanned). And how much their story is still impacted by that. With Isabel, we had front row seat to the trauma her addiction was having on Tim : the spiralling, the heartbreak, the guilt and the walls he had to put up to protect himself. But we also witnessed how far his loyalty goes and how deeply he can love. It was an important tool to give us some insight on a character that could otherwise have been a stereotype. And from there, we were able to get a view of what he is looking for : someone who can love him just as much, who will fight for him and who will make him feel like he's enough. With Nolan, we saw a completely different side of love. The hot affair (their words, not mine), the sneaking around and the impact it could have on Lucy's career. And what she wants is explained during the breakup fight : someone who thinks she is worth fighting for. Lucy is not upset because she is being dumped, she had come to the same conclusion after all. It's how easily Nolan seems to be able to discard her and their relationship that truly hurt her.

Now, the irony is her arc was supposed to be for her relationship with John… Kudos to the writers for adapting it seamlessly to Chenford. It is quite uncanny. On one hand, we had one relationship that was formed while they were rookies and made it work until UC work destroyed it ; on the other hand, we had one who flamed out before it could even truly start. If they keep Lucy doing UC work, I really hope we will have some conversation between Chenford to tie up this part of their arc : they both need to be reassured that the work won't come between them, because in the end, that was the downfall for their first (on-screen) romance.

(Little side note : I understand Alexi might have planned for NoChen to be endgame, and as much as we give him shit, as we should it's what keep showrunners honest, I appreciate that not only he agreed to change that part of his plan (the last true shipping moment for NoChen was in 1.12 I think, so really early), he was graceful enough not to destroy Chenford out of spite or even downplay their bond (he could have had John save Lucy in Day of Death, have her stay with him after Jackson's death etc). I'm not saying it's all perfect. And I'm sure he protested. But imagine creating a story around the main couple, only to realise that one part of that couple has more chemistry and works better with another character. With the exception of Fillion, I doubt he had any say about the casting. And even if he did, chemistry tests only work so far (Melissa and Eric probably didn't even have one). My past experience with showrunners is that they'd rather kill their show and blame the audience for being too stupid than admit they're wrong or should change their plans... The past few years are full of cautionary tales of TV shows that burned down. He may have been petty about it on his interviews, I don't read them so I can't say, but at least it didn't let it impact on the story. Cheers to that I guess).

// Rachel & Emmett

After the trauma Tim experienced, it was a nice change of pace to see him in an uncomplicated relationship, see him relax and simply enjoy himself. With Rachel, it was all about healing and it's not by mistake that Lucy set him up with someone she knows to be easy-going, calm and nurturing if we consider her job (I know it was for a bet and she didn't exactly choose Rachel. But do we think she would have done this if she didn't think it could be a good thing?). And we can never have too much of Tim smiling. Or shirtless Tim. We saw Lucy interfere even more - with Isabel, she got caught in the middle at first, she didn't really decide to cross his personal boundaries on her own. She was just trying to help Tim not go down with the ship. But we did learn that she kept in touch with his ex-wife. With Rachel, she had a direct hand in the set-up and she did soften some of his edges as well (the birthday gift for instance). Most importantly, it never had a negative impact on Chenford. If anything it brought them closer. But in the end, we saw the same problem that with Isabel : Tim was not enough. Rachel put her career first (nothing wrong with that by the way!). The red flag, so to speak, was the clear lack of communication : she never mentioned to Tim being interested by a job in New-York, let alone warned him about the interview. I mean, if you're seriously committed, a conversation beforehand might have been nice. And while Tim entertains her idea of them moving, it seems to be more by curiosity. We don't really see him hesitate or have a full grown-up talk about how they should move forward. The ending was… Well.. Hey does Rachel even know they broke up? Cos we didn't! So who knows! Jokes aside, I wonder if we were supposed to see her again in season 03 but with COVID, they changed it. Still could have been nice to have her name mentioned at one point.

Now, Emmett was supposed to be a mirror to Rachel : Tim's friend and a healing step in Lucy's journey. After what she went through with Caleb, seeing her be able to take that step forward was really great. Flirty and carefree Lucy is the best. I wished we had seen a little more of them (the actor got a main part on another show + Covid rules = not possible) so it was less abrupt. Having Emmett treat Lucy as someone in need of protection was also a nice callback to Nolan, who broke up with her "to protect her". No comment on the breakup by text. That's just petty. Although I did like he involved Tim in it... I wonder how that meeting went.

// Ashley & Chris

All right, there goes the very unpopular opinion : I actually didn't mind them. Much. I mean I could have done without them, but since we never really had to see their full respective relationship, Lucy or Tim being pretty much always around, it worked for me. Mainly. Don't get me wrong, I'm mostly indifferent towards Ashley because she was just dull. And I dispised Chris cos he reminded me of so many people I met in law school, it's not even funny (right down to the lack of empathy and inability to read the room. So spooky). It's the journey that I didn't mind.

After Angela's wedding and Lucy staying at Tim's place, the attraction between Chenford was front and center. But as I will talk about in my other post, I don't think they were ready to go there (grief is not the best foundation). And the writers didn't want to either, so that's moot. Now, as I said earlier, the most common trope in TV shows is to introduce new love interests to play up the tension and jealousy, have some pining on the side… And after the revelation in 3.14/4.01, it would have been the perfect timing. Only we didn't get this here, hence the frustration that I think many experienced. What's the point of having to suffer if we don't get the goodies.

Except, like I said, I absolutely love we didn't go the typical route. Why? Because jealousy is rarely written properly on TV. More often than not, you end up with people being used, hurt, acting childish and/or petty. Not a really good look for all the characters involved. It gets even worse when the ship still don't get together after all that hustle. I love angst, but come on. So instead of the promised angst, we kept on the same path than with Rachel and Emmett : the progression of Chenford's bond. It was never about Ashley and Chris. It was always about Lucy and Tim's story and how they were different and the perfect person. How their bond was special and how they NOT ONCE wondered if they should spend less time together. Even after the double date. Especially after the double date. They are close, period. They're willing to make efforts for Ash or Chris, but not change their interaction between them. It was about how, despite love interests, they were still each other's person and the one constant. And to me, that is so much more powerful.

Case in point. 4.06 - Ash is introduced but the episode spends more time about the bet between Tim & Lucy 4.08 - About Lucy finding out Ash is now in the picture (who is not even present on screen) 4.10 - About Lucy's dog even though she only had him for a couple of days so it should be irrelevant and yet it's not. And how Lucy helps Tim navigates in his relationship (when clearly he is half assing it). 4.11 - About Lucy trying to help young adults in-need and Tim helping her with Tamara instead of belittling her 4.12 - All about how Lucy and Tim are each other's safe place 4.15 - About Lucy being at the right job and doing it well (and about Chris willing to cut corners to get the job done when we saw Tim refused to do the same in previous episodes) 4.17 - About how Tim was able to empower Lucy through her ordeal instead of triggering her like a certain ADA who should not even had access to her file in the first place, because hello conflict of interest 4.21 - About the next step they are supposed to take in their respective relationship but clearly are nowhere near that headspace (as much as Tim says he can himself marrying Ash, the boy was still panicking throughout the episode at the mere idea… So who are you trying to convince here?! And Lucy shutting that parent meeting so fast) 4.22 / 5.01 - What significant others? Don't know them. Who's dying on the couch? 5.02 - How Tim is the one who truly knows her and whose opinion she values the most 5.03 - How Tim is missing her 5.05 - How Lucy is the one always staying 5.06 - How Lucy can find ways to make him feel better 5.08 - How Tim can immediately see she's uncomfortable and help her talk things through as she needs to do 5.09 - How Tim knows her taste

Now could it have been done better? Yes. I think the execution got lost in the middle. It could have been clearer and sharper. And I can absolutely see how it was frustrating to have to go through other LI, especially if you ship then since season 01. And could it have been done without Ashley and Chris? Sure. But I can understand Tim and Lucy wanting to date other people (especially if like me, you think they were still mainly unaware of their feelings. Attraction, yes. Romantic feelings, not yet... For me. It's clearly up for interpretation).

By not going the traditional route, we also avoided some pitfalls and do some disservice to what is otherwise a mature and healthy relationship. And I really love that we didn't go with the easy evil trope. Lucy and Tim have enough trauma to work through the rest of their lives… Having Chris being a minion for Rosalind would have set them both back. Lucy would have to go through all that process again and Tim would only have more guilt on this plate. Not to mention that having them end up together because they're the only person they can now fully trust is not exactly the best foundation. Are they together because they want to? Or because they don't trust anyone else? Considering all their lingering doubts from their previous relationships, that's definitely not what they needed for their own personal growth. Besides, I doubt it's the last time we've seen Chris : the door was wide open when he left Lucy's place, and I don't think it was by coincidence. So we are going to have some mess on our hands... And I much prefer having it with Chenford as one unit. But then again, personal preferences here.

Anyway, not saying it was perfect. It was downright messy at some points… I also wonder if Ash and Chris got introduced because we lost Rachel and Emmett somewhere in the process.

And in the end, Ashley and Chris were instrumental to Chenford getting together. But that's for my other post, this one is already long enough!

I hope I didn't make too many mistakes by the way! I was a little nervous to post this.

[bardinthezone]

Night Vale and the Power of Stories

So I’ve been losing my mind about this latest arc. Full hyperfixation. Studying for finals? Calling my parents? Enjoying other hobbies? Eating?? Who’s she, never heard of her. There is only the “#wtnv spoilers” tag.

Anyways, inspired primarily by this post, this post, and this post, I have been thinking about Night Vale as a place of stories.

Night Vale is a deeply weird place. It is a place where all the crazy conspiracies and contradictions and creepy crawlies can coexist (try saying that 5 times fast), and it is built on stories.

We know from “109: A Story About Huntokar” that Huntokar singlehandedly saved the town from nuclear destruction in 1983. This in and of itself is beautiful, tragic, terrifying and wonderful (I could write a whole essay on the lasting effects of the Cold War on the American psyche and how that’s impacted our media, but that’s not what this post is about). But what Huntokar says in describing this moment is fascinating: “ The people of Night Vale huddled, waiting for the end to their story.” The use of the word “story” here is so poignant and poetic. This was her town, a narrative she had lovingly followed since its inception, with an ever rotating cast of characters, finally seeming as though it would come to an end. And yet she managed to continue their story. The people of Night Vale, of every alternate universe Night Vale, are kept alive because Huntokar wanted to keep the narrative going. It is a town kept alive-- inverted and shattered and bizarre, but alive-- because someone saw the tale coming to an end and wasn’t satisfied with that. Night Vale is a place of stories.

And Cecil. Cecil Gershwin-Palmer is such a wonderful enigma. He’s a deeply troubled man, he’s the town’s beloved radio host, he is the voice of Night Vale. As the town’s only (?) regular source of news, he carries incredible weight in shaping the public’s perception of reality. It is his radio show that keeps the people informed through all of these earth-shattering events-- it is Cecil who, for as goofy and cringefail (thank you @bigcommunist for that phrase) as he can be, has been responsible for keeping his citizens safe. In “227: A Word With Dr. Jones,” Dr. Janet Lubelle notes that one of his traits is “town leadership.” When Cecil speaks, things happen. He rallies the people, against Strexcorp or the Beagle Puppy or Steve Carlsberg and his dry, dry scones. Hell, he says “weather” and everyone stops, or sometimes (Like in “204: Audition”) it literally saves his life. @lostboywriting raises a fascinating theory about Cecil having inadvertently brought the Faceless Old Woman into existence through his repression of his complicated relationship with his mother-- and while this contradicts with the backstory presented in "The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives Inside Your Home," who’s to say that both origins can’t be true, with how splintered and fractured Night Vale’s existence (and especially relation to time) is? Perhaps Cecil, as the Voice Of Night Vale, is capable of changing the world more than he knows.

Either way, this is why Dr. Lubelle’s Explaining of the town has so much of a tangible effect on it-- because she’s coming in and using something “empirical” to change the narrative. That is why she’s so threatening-- because how do you argue with the facts? How do you argue with science? She is using logic to insist that her reality is right, that these stories and poetics used to keep the town alive are meaningless. That it would be better for them to not exist than to exist outside her narrative. She said it herself-- she cannot imagine that anyone thinks differently to herself about anything, and she is all to happy to provide any who disagrees with an Explanation. No matter the cost.

In 227, Cecil remarks that “Science is not good or bad, as language is not good or bad, as religion is not good or bad, because humans are not inherently good or bad.” This sets up a fascinating play between science, language, and religion that I think is perfectly encapsulated by Dr. Lubelle, representing science, Cecil, representing language, and Huntokar, representing religion. Whether she knows it or not, Dr. Lubelle is directly undoing all of the hard work of Huntokar, and attempting to use Cecil as the most powerful tool at her disposal.

And this works in conjunction with my distinction of the What vs. the Why. We can take the incursion point of November 7th, 1983, and view it through both lenses. From Huntokar’s perspective, we get the Why: Night Vale was in danger, and it needed saving, so she saved it. But from Dr Lubelle’s perspective, we just get the What: Night Vale was the target of a nuclear missile. Nuclear missiles are unstoppable by any force known to science. This is a town that should have been empty for 40 years.

I posit a world in which Dr. Lubelle reduces Night Vale to what it “should be:” A town ruined by nuclear destruction. The empirical facts, the anchors that held Night Vale down to reality, the threads that Huntokar broke-- Dr. Lubelle is seeking to tie them back together. And with the Voice of Night Vale on her side, Explained and ready to share the Truth, of course she can make that happen. Perhaps Huntokar takes center stage again to show that science is not the end-all-be-all. Perhaps Carlos steps in to replace Dr. Lubelle as the Scientist in this equation, to provide a good alternative to her callous methods. 

Or I could be totally off-base with that prediction. I imagine the bodies being dug up in the sand wastes and the murals of flesh will play a major role in the finale. Maybe she’ll uncover the splintered realities of Night Vale and won’t know how to explain them away. Hell, people keep hyping up a Desert Bluffs return, what with the Sandstorm tapes and the talk of doubles-- Maybe Kevin and Lauren will be the “religion” in the triumvirate, and drive Dr. Lubelle mad with their unrelenting fervor. Who knows? I have my theories, but I’m just excited to see where this all goes.

.

Also from a meta perspective, this is 100% harkening back to all those early-days fan theories that “Night Vale is a normal town and Cecil is just off his rocker” (Thanks @maxgicalgirl for that one!). Welcome To Night Vale is a show that has never been about continuity and tight lore-- it’s about spinning a fun narrative, it’s about the poetry, the music, the aesthetics; it’s about everything that Dr. Lubelle HATES. From a meta perspective, Dr. Lubelle is every theorist who tries to ruin the magic of a story, who nitpicks it endlessly because it doesn’t adhere to how the “real world” functions. She doesn’t care about why story elements are included, she just needs what’s included to adhere to her worldview. And I can’t wait to see her get taken down, no matter how it happens.

Thanks again to @maxgicalgirl, @lostboywriting, @eclipse-song​, and everyone who’s been sharing their thoughts about the latest arc on tumblr. I would not be writing this without y’all!!

[carmillatism]

you’ve already sort of shown the relationship brian has with religion, but i’m curious about your take on how he felt about galahad considering the whole “preacher” vibe. if we’re moving forwards with the complicated (and negative) relationship he has with religion then how does that translate to how he interacted with galahad? or was is more of a “large passing of time” thing so it wasnt as impactful?

sorry just have DBB thoughts again,,,

oh!!! i love that question a lot! thank u for asking. i was actually just thinking about this, what with my backstory fic about brian. i have many thoughts on this, so i'll set some of my basic thoughts up first and then answer the question once the context is set!

i think hnoc happens by the time carmilla is airlocked (after that second-ish but canon big one where who killed dr. carmilla comes from (i say second cause of a line jonny says in the homesick live, but that's not important here)) and tim, raph, and marius have joined. not entirely sure if this is after or before dr. carmilla comes back (what with her showing up in dr. pilchard with all nine of them), but i lean towards after (which i think this would be after she's kicked out again).

i say all this to explain the fact that i think brian has done a shit ton of healing from when he first joined, so he's definitely a lot better with not judging himself, healing from religious trauma, and working on being more assertive.

i also believe that brian doesn't actually have prophetic powers, at least not to the extent that characters like to bring up. i think he just has good pattern recognition and predicts things well (this leads into ideas of how people will blow up (lie about) people's fame in history and present time as a way of meeting their own ends. basically, i think brian has no part in these rumors, and people just spread it cause he can never escape the false accusations (i autism-code him no matter what apparently /lh)).

this all to say that brian probably found fort galfridian interesting and went down to check it out (it kind of reminded him of the settlement he stayed on in his backstory. his feelings are complicated about it). he goes down there, kind of chilling in the chaos, and then he comes across galahad and i think his first reaction when he sees galahad is "holy shit holy fuck holy-" and he just kind of spirals. cause yeah, he's doing better, but he also does remind him of one of his worst moments, so he may lose it a bit.

this could have maybe led to him being hung in the first place? he could have tried to question galahad's teachings because he worried galahad was using and lying to fort galfridian's people like the priest once did. this obviously causes unrest due to people liking galahad and not the outsider, so he's hung (this is just speculation i've sort of come up with on the spot!). when brian doesn't die from the hanging and continues to not die, the people are like "what the fuck". brian's pissed, and when he's pissed he says some ominous shit (but there is a place deep within him that does want to help the people), so they think he's a prophet and hang him by his ankle.

brian, who's like "well, this is interesting" sticks around cause it's wild, he's invested, and the mechs are a million light years away. he still doesn't trust galahad, however, galahad starts to talk with him, really about anything, a lot cause he finds brian interesting and because he feels bad for trying to kill this guy who was actually a prophet (probably thinks he's sent from god).

as he talks to brian, brian starts to have a change in judgment. he doesn't trust him all that much still, but he begins to realize that he didn't lead with an open mind and that maybe it would be okay to hear him out. he sees that galahad cares deeply about what he does and fully believes what he says to be true. brian is still weary on religion (especially organized ones) as a whole, but he does start to believe that what galahad is doing is better than he first thought. he finds company in galahad and other townspeople and really starts to care about them (and he's had a fucking headache for like a century now. wonderful).

and then the events of the album start to happen. when you're a hanged man in the center of town (idk if that's canon but it is now /lh), you hear a lot of shit: gossip, folklore, daily occurences. brian starts to catalog and connect this info he gathers (he's bored and a scientist; what more could he want?). a bigger picture starts to dawn on him, so he shares the info with the people who come to him (and who he seeks out). he wants to help galahad and tells him about the grail. he hopes that galahad will take the news well, but his reaction worries him, and he begins to regret what he said.

he hears later on about what galahad is doing and what he's saying, and he grows even more worried, seeing parallels between his past and the beliefs galahad begins to hold. brian thinks he's in too deep and tries to stop him, but that doesn't work out. he feels extremely guilty when he hears about galahad's death, and spirals a bit into blaming himself and having thoughts about his past that aren't the best. then he's in a sun for a century, and a good amount of his healing goes out the window. (but at least those lines of healing are still carved into his mind so it will be easier to find those routes and get himself back to healthy a lot faster than it did before (using a metaphor here that i heard and like with how it can be easier to heal once more if those paths of healing are there, fresh, and easy to reach. i was actually told about the opposite, which is why it's so easy to fall back into anxiety or other cycles of negative thinking)).

anyway... i am not one for brevity, apparently (no one is surprised). haven't thought this much about any of the albums before lmao (i usually focus on the mechs themselves abdknkd). but this is quite a fun concept to think about. i also like the idea that galahad is absolutely smitten with brian. it's just really fucking funny to me lmao. i also like to think that brian is just along for the ride whenever it comes ot galahad like, okay, you go you crazy guy.

also, sorry for any discrepancies between this and hnoc canon, i have not faithfully inscribed the entire album and it's info into my mind with long-lasting ink /lh.

thank you for the question, and don't worry! i love your questions and adore that you find my thoughts and writing so interesting and cool! it means the world to me. anyway, thank you again!

[solarisgod]

Hi, please refer to me as Solaris, since the common used alias is a reference to my system as a whole and no one but strictly myself of this system have to do with this. I want to write a much more concrete apology and acknowledgement post regarding the stories involving me that were displayed on the solarisdog blog. I am aware of the things I have said and done that were harmful or uncomfortable to the involved parties who were deeply affected by my words, actions, behaviours; as I do acknowledge the negative impacts from them.

Please note I do not have a " circle of friends " who would report to me about or harass the people I was involved with. Indeed, I have a large history with 0000218, but everyone else's urls mentioned in the solarisdog's original post, I only interacted with them usually through likes and comments as I have no close personal relationships with them. If the involved individuals did get any anonymous harassment, which I am aware one of them had, it's most likely from outsiders who came across either of our respective source and wanted to add fuel to the fire. I have no tolerance for this kind of behaviour, ever.

I do wish to provide some explanation from my end, but this is not at all meant to devalue the stories people have shared involving me or debunk their truths in them. I only wish to share my side of these stories while also acknowledging my flaws and mistakes that have occurred in my side as well. I am extremely sorry for the discomforts and damages that I have done to those who shared their stories or are only outsiders. I understand I have lost respect and trust in many people and see the consequences of my words and acts. I do truly wish to move on knowing I can be better than what I had been before and hoping only the best for everyone, those involved and witnessing.

The individual " A " who shared the longest history with me on solarisdog, we reconnected three times and had a strong friendship each time we were together. I have the document to share my side of the story as my incident with her was from November 2023 to March 2024, but essentially, on our third chance of friendship, I felt something was off about A before realizing she stalked my personal and roleplay blogs, originally sending me a vague anonymous " i miss u " ask on my personal, then an anonymous apology with her revealed identity on my roleplay blog when I talked about it there instead of my personal.

My document says the rest, but basically, I was highly uncomfortable of the obsession and stalking A displayed towards me before I made a post to do not interact with me if associated with her, and my document have the evidences for these two extreme forms of behaviours including heavy emotional manipulation. There were a few cases I did / said that was wrong, such as assuming she's white. Once more, my document explains them as I am aware of the mistakes I had done in this case. I wish to say I am completely aware A does not have DID as she said and what experiences she have with her partner/spouse/etcetera, I believe her and those closely associated with her. Another thing I'll add after seeing anonymous asks about that yes, this document may also show my own obsessive nature due to how extensive the evidence is, but if it's seen as me stalking and being obsessed with A as well, I can accept the views while acknowledging this document had hurt and traumatized A, but these are to show how much trauma and conflict I have also gone through by A.

Because of this incident that lasted over a year with the occasional harassment given, this had made me a lot more paranoid in interacting with those I would be close to, and the person, " B " who provided the " untitled " document on solarisdog got caught under it along with their close friend, " C ", who I was also mutuals with. This case was based on poor communication and misunderstanding, which I can completely understand if certain things I say or do were interpreted as sketchy or malicious, such as me having my oc interact with another oc similar to this individual's canon muse as a way of me replacing them and reusing plot ideas, what have you.

I do not have the energy in me to write my own side of this story explaining everything, but, as explained in C's document from their side, we did have several issues with each other. Each tension occurred, I felt more uncomfortable and paranoid, and in order to protect myself and this individual with their close friend in case I mentally spiral and say / do something harmful, I broke ties telling them both why with their behaviours making me uneasy, which were them softblocking my blog with their multimuses shortly after I softblocked all of their solos we had no interactions in and they had deleted my promos from their blog, in which both explained this was to clean their own space. However, I had experiences with Individual A deleted things that made me anxious such as the playlists she made for me and the sideblog that we would reblog that remind us of each other and our friendship.

As I am the kind of person who gets caught up in the past and sees the current friends as the past ones who had hurt me, which I know is toxic and unhealthy, I saw B and C as the A who had hurt me and I had to break ties to protect myself and them, afraid I could end up hurting B and C by lashing out or such or vice versa. Although when I told them I was breaking tie, they saw my psa post that was done before the mutuals break as a vague towards them, in which I can see how it could, but it was never my intention of having the psa post about how I need to clean my space on Discord and here to avoid being overwhelmed ( while having ongoing amnesia and dissociative disorders ), yet I'd get mistreated poorly, be targeted towards them.

Once more, I understand the fact that I should have done certain things that would be less negativity impacting like anxiety and self doubt, such as approaching for clarification rather than assuming one's intentions, or asking if I can interact with this sort of character who could be similar to theirs before proceeding or oversharing past specific conflicts just to try to make a point or seeing them as someone negative from the past. I really did try to be as composed and respectful as possible in each issue I had with C and especially B, but I've come to see specific flaws particularly in my communication and ways of managing conflicts as acknowledging them.

Regarding 0000218, I did have a long history with them, holding the ups and downs, and we had many downs in the beginning of this year that led to us parting ways. Indeed, I had brought them two times in moments of serious discussions with Individuals C and D ( who I assumed was the manager of solarisdog and made a vague about me, calling me an " asshole " they dumped on ). I had also briefly brought up A some times as well. I had vented about A and 0000218 to very few friends only few times, but only from a place of feeling hurt and confused rather than with an intention of maliciousness.

I tend to do this with people who I had bad blood, and even so, I am aware I should have just left them alone in the past rather than bringing them back in the present to other people. I do have this thing where I would have to be as specific as possible when sharing my general experience ( e.g. thievery to D ) or trying to make a point ( e.g. to C, about how I didn't want to go through various conflicts that would make us lose friendship ), otherwise I wouldn't be believed in, and I've recently seen prior to solarisdog's creation that this is a toxic behaviour I shouldn't engage in at all, and I am deeply apologetic to A and 0000218 for bringing them up when I should have only left them alone with my past memories linked to them.

Regarding specific behaviours I had exhibited that prompted icks or discomforts or suspicion, I am extremely apologetic that my behaviours or personality overall have troubled people. I see that I would across as too excitable or emotional driven that'd prompt specific behaviours like overcomplimenting and calling people with the -star as suffix. No one has ever told me, even on anonymous, about how discomforting these behaviours can be to specific people, hence, I continued them, but with these coming to light, I see how they appear as preformative and a form of luring from true intentions ( based on what I'm seeing on solarisdog ). I never use this positive persona as a form to manipulate or gain benefit from another. I only wanted to be as kind as possible and spread positivity. I wish people could’ve reached out even on anonymously that it would come across as excessive or performative.

About the age regression / dreaming behaviours, indeed I do engage in only age dreaming [ this is " when someone acts, thinks, and behaves like a child but does NOT mentally revert to a younger age " ] but simply as a coping mechanism or seeking source of joy, nothing of disgusting and disturbing at all. I have shared photos of my toys and plushs with my soft blankets but in a similar way that people would share photos of their pets; it's to show people what I had that brings me joy and comfort, and I'd hope they could bring these things to others as well. Never does this behaviour link to k!nks or s.exuality at all, never ever. I never support or engage in this sort of horrible behaviour.

About OSDDID ( an umbrella term for OSDD and DID together ), in which I have DID, the primary reason I am very open about it is because OSDDID is known to be a disorder that is extremely stigmatize and misunderstood. I created this original system character many knows to spread awareness of OSDDID and reduce the stigma as few of the reasons, same reasons with myself being open about mine. We, as a system, have read the ask of the anon sharing their familial connection's DID experiences and we are extremely sorry for the anon and their family member having to face these terrible things from out of DID. I had vented about my horrors of having DID a few times and talked a lot of things in relation to my system muse's DID that were intense and sensitive. We are completely aware as there is a positive side to OSDDID ( alters supporting you in any forms possible, having that collective shared nice feeling, the knowing of " not being alone, " etcetera ), there is also the negative side ( dissociation, blackouts, memory loss, etcetera ).

I always research about OSDDID, unprompted and prompted ( e.g. anonymous asks about it or someone approaching with inquiry about so ) to make sure the details are up to date and not of misinformation. I always ensure if people suspect themselves that could have OSDDID by our posts we share personally or reblog, they need to do extensive research across various sources and, if they can, seek professional help. We currently do not have the financial support to look into professionals while we are in a heavy household that we do not feel comfortable being known by those we must live with, but as we did heavy research to ensure our experiences parallels with most OSDDID havers, I always research before coming to conclusion of what we experience and before offering our thoughts on what others experience. I try not to make OSDDID seem like it's always a good thing to have, but seeing it has been a case for few who spoke up, I am extremely sorry. We had a lot of anonymous hate asks for having DID, saying it's not real or lunarisdog is not real, and I know OSDDID is a very complex condition that many people find hard to believe it's true, but please do be mindful that everyone experiences OSDDID differently as not everyone shares the same severe to low symptoms of OSDDID.

I've seen the claims on solarisdog about how every blogs was made by all of my alters, but it's mostly mine and lunarisdog's, as it always has since we both came to the rpc. We had two alters who rarely came around as co-fronting to write on their own blogs, giving them a space of their own creativity, while mainly interacting with lunarisdog and me. It's common for systems to have a main co-fronter, just as lunarisdog has been with me. lunarisdog has been with me in endless ups and downs, as they have always supported me in every hardships I go, but the reason they haven't said anything on their main blog about this situation ( only showing their support in my break post on solarisgone ) is for their safety while not wanting their words twisted and interpreted negatively, but they are just as aware about this situation too as supporting my need to improve on many things. I would deeply appreciate if people do not drag my alters and especially lunarisdog into this; lunarisdog never did or said anything wrong, as with our other alters. I am the only alter in the system involved in all of these cases when I am the one mainly writing the system original muse and communicating with other writers, so please try to associate only with me in this situation.

I believe I have touched upon the most prominent areas that were covered on solarisdog, otherwise please excuse me as it's never my intention to ignore anyone. I will not be updating this beyond August 7, 2024 as I wish to move on focusing my health and life while working with my flaws and skills. Again, I am most sorry for everything that had brought harm and discomfort to many people. While I had been hurt from these cases that I brought up, I know I have hurt others just as much as well, and I completely acknowledge the impacts of these harms while I hope to become a better individual with a more opening mind and strong communication skills from here on. I acknowledge that I may not be given forgiveness from this, and I understand how I have lost the trust and respect that is okay if they can not be earned back.

I am aware that my own mental health and the past negative experiences, both from here and real life, have distorted my judgment and ways of managing conflicts, and due to this as not being able to have access to professional sources, I do very much intend to be away from the rpc in a long period of time for not only the sake of mine but also everyone else's, especially those who were affected by me, putting better focus on myself, other alters and our life. I understand the fact that solarisdog will continue if so wished and I hold respect and understanding to those who wish to use the platform to share their views and / or experiences with me, and do anything that they wish in order to curate their space and be distant with me. I really do wish the best for everyone, with each of us as myself striving to improve in each single day.

Once more, as aware this is not enough for some and I will make the better changes in myself to make it truly count in the end, I am extremely sorry to all who I have hurt and discomforted. Thank you for taking the time reading this and please take care.

[cup-and-chaucer]

Romantic Comedy and the Curse of Booktok

I just finished Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfield and my Lord in Heaven do I have feels about it.

And not butterflies at how cute it was.

This was not It for me in so many ways and, in fact, it’s flaws were so great and so significant to me that I do feel compelled to write it all out in a *insert drum roll* numbered list.

Summary: Heroine Sally works at a fictionalized version of SNL and is frustrated by the fact that all these uggo sloppy men hook up with hot beautiful women. She, an uggo sloppy woman, then ends up hooking up with a hot beautiful rock star Noah Brewster during the COVID-19 pandemic.

1. The Pacing and Information Dumping

The pacing of this book was…bizarre to say the least. The book was divided into three sections. The first describes the week that Sally and Noah meet. The second is an 80 page exchange of emails between the two as they reconnect online during COVID. The third describes their meeting and romance. All of these were slow in their own way.

The first section was laden with details about the production of a weekly episode of SNL. I found this pretty interesting actually because I am a fan of the show and show biz insider baseball always fascinates me. But as the book went on, this section felt increasingly waterlogged. We never meet many of the characters again and we never return to the SNL set. It does feel like it exists solely to prove that Sittenfield read Tina Fey’s Bossypants. This section, of course, is also…like. Not that funny. It’s just not. Physical comedy is incredibly hard to transcribe to the page effectively and so the descriptions of many of the sketches fell flat for me and also the banter was not anything more sparkling than you would find in any other romance book.

The second section was also incredibly mundane. I have developed deep and emotionally intimate connections online and I think this is not an unusual experience to have nowadays. And I am sure if someone read back the transcripts of email and text conversations with those people…they would also not be that interested (though they’d be more interesting Im sure than this). You would need our context to make those conversations sing and to understand why some mundane things meant everything. This correspondence felt dull but it was partially because, without watching how Sally felt when she got a notification, without hearing how Noah wrote and rewrote and rephrased his messages, it was hard to gauge how impactful the exchanges were.

The third section was fine. And again, I know what it’s like to fall in love with someone quickly but their whole relationship felt really rushed. Even here, conversations were weighted down by unnecessary exchanges about what to have for dinner, etc that didn’t move the scene’s actions or emotional arcs forward.

2. Where’s the Conflict?

So. I get that we all want to communicate openly and honestly with our friends and partners. On the page, it’s deeply boring though. This is why Noah Brewster sucks as a hero—he is literally perfect. He’s rich, handsome, emotionally aware, kind, considerate. He apologizes right away and sets appropriate boundaries.

All the potential juice in a conflict is side-stepped from the real ramifications of fame to beauty standards to COVID to wealth disparity. Even Chekov's wig is revealed to be Noah getting some hair transplants that are explained away in a single cuddle session. All is resolved through a series of petty fights and pat reassurances.

*yawns*

The problems in their relationship originate with Sally. She is drunkenly snarky to him at a party and that leads them to not speak for two years, she gets irrationally upset at Noah for dropping her hand in front of the paparazzi, she moves into a hotel the moment they discuss their future and come into conflict. These aren't bad plot points but fighting Noah is like fighting a piece of wet cardboard because he is always reasonable and always level-headed and almost always right.

I thought about this book when rewatching Joe Wright’s adaptation of Pride and Prejudice this weekend. What I love so much about that book and both movies, what makes that one of the greatest romantic comedies of all time, is the fact that both Elizabeth and Darcy grow and change and their relationship is the catalyst of it. This is shown in different ways in each adaption. The 2005 version does a masterful job of showing different perspectives to create a classic misunderstanding and crossing of social wires while the 1995 focuses on Elizabeth and Darcy as truly and deeply flawed. Both work for me in different ways. What I love Colin Firth’s portrayal especially is that he genuinely is an asshole…he’s a good person but not a particularly nice or sensitive one. His attitude is the result of snobbery and classism, not a lack of street smarts (like McFayden’s Darcy who is mostly shy and awkward rather than suave as Colin Firth is when he handles the Wickham situation).

Romantic Comedy hints at wanting to be a social commentary but it ultimately fails because it doesn’t allow its characters to be impacted and warped by the society that they live in the way that Austen and Firth allow Darcy to be unlikable because of his social standing.

3. Beauty and Desirability

Soooooo....like. Sally isn't really unattractive. Sally's narration is focused on other people's appearances...Noah is hot, Henrietta and Viv are attractive, Annabelle is beautiful. She is not. The whole premise of the book is that Sally is not a model. But Sally doesn't actually defy any conventional beauty standards except to be...not the perfect specimen of 21st century beauty. She isn't described as being fat. She isn't described as being visibly disabled. She isn't described as hairy (except when she is shaving everything off). She isn't described as being particularly masc. She is white and so there's no examination of colorism or Western beauty standards. She's just...a normal looking white woman. And like, trust me, as a normal looking white woman who is pretty traditionally femme, of course I have insecurities too, and a lot of Sally's commentary was very relatable to my experiences in dating, in sexuality, in my relationship to other women I perceive to be more attractive than me. But that doesn't make the book particularly interesting or transgressive, especially because the beautiful women in the book don't have much of a personality or depth (looking at you, Ariana Grande caricature.)

I read Olivia Dade's Shipwrecked series last year. And these are pretty silly romances tbh, but what I love about them is that the women in them are fat, yes, but their fatness is part of their attractiveness. Dade manages to do this in a way that doesn't feel fetishizing or patronizing. The women are described as being beautiful because they simply are and the men who desire them simply desire them, not just because they have a great personality which *makes* them beautiful, but because what people find beautiful and attractive is diverse. Those books also deal directly with the challenges of being in a "mixed weight" relationship and it drives some of the conflict, particularly in the first book...eating habits, exercise, media representation, etc. In contrast, it doesn't seem like Sally either grows into her desirability or that Noah ever really expresses clearly that she is beautiful to him. He talks about how great their connection is and how much he wants to fuck her...but if my memory serves there's not a lot of *specific* talk about what she looks like, what *specifically* about her physical appearance she finds so repulsive and he finds so hot, if he likes what she wears. This isn't a beauty and the beast retelling where someone looks beyond someone's appearance to see the inner person. This isn't Cyrano de Bergerac where there is something that Sally feels is fundamentally unlovable about her...except sort of a general global malaise about her desirabilty. Sittenfield can't decide what to do with the premise of her own book except to do a pale version of "not like other girls" where Sally becomes the funniest, smartest person Noah has ever met even if, in his own words, he never would have gone after her if he had just seen her picture.

4. Show and Tell and the Self-Consciousness of Politically Correct Writing

All of my issues listed above could pretty much explained by the fact that Sittenfield chooses to tell, not show, nearly all of the story. We are told by Noah that Sally is desirable and he is in love with her....but we don't see much of their interactions beyond just...fucking. We aren't allowed the space to interpret actions and feelings, especially after the first section of the book ends. Even the emails are a cop-out. As a result, the book becomes very literal.

One of the best things my writing partner has ever said is that "Sex should be about everything but sex, and everything that's not sex should be about sex." But in this book? Everything is exactly as it appears and so the underpinning of their interactions lacks chemistry. As Noah says, he's not looking to seduce her. Which is very nice of him. But very unsexy. When they finally do have sex, I struggled to care. It didn't feel like a crescendo of boiling tensions, it didn't feel like anything except the next logical step when you date someone. It is a romance but without eroticism and sensuality. God, it's even set during a pandemic where touching and masking is essential. My God.

This can be expanded into my biggest criticism of the book which was the handling of the political references and diverse cast. The characters clunkily engage with the political ramifications of COVID and the Black Lives Matter movement. The characters tell us that they go to protests (we don't see it), Noah tells us that he thinks about intersectional feminism (is that likely in a teen heartthrob...see Mr Darcy commentary above), they talk about racism (though there are two Black characters in the book who do...nothing). We are told that they are good people with the correct political opinions so we like them. They reach the quota of having one (1) queer friend and one (1) PoC friend. We don't see them do the hard work of being good, we see them do the gymnastics of being palatable to the other one. It doesn't change the fact that this story presents an extremely traditional view of relationships: the heroine marries a wealthy white man and her two friends are mothers in monogamous relationships by the end. It makes every mention of every political event and opinion feel deeply disingenuous and the book as a whole feel so self-consciously written that it was hard to fully immerse yourself in it. I felt the author everywhere, pressing in from all sides, unable to allow her characters flesh and blood and conflicts deeper than a single conversation.

Argh.

[quickdeaths]

Spell out your url using characters you love from any media. then, tag as many people as there are letters in your url ( or however many you'd like ! ) inspired by the song titles dashboard game.

Q - Qiu Tong, Tamen de Gushi. Ngl, finding a character with a Q name was tough haha. Qiu Tong is a good choice tho, both for how big TdG was in my circles when it was at its peak, and the sad story of what happened to it. Free my girls!

U - Utena Tenjou, Revolutionary Girl Utena. Utena is too hard to watch to be my favorite anime, but I do think it's kind of the perfect anime, and I will truly never be free from taking inspiration from Utena herself when making characters.

I - Itto Arataki, Genshin Impact. My girlfriend played Genshin Impact and I was thinking about picking it up, but I wasn't totally sure, and then I saw this guy. History made.

C - Claire François, I'm In Love With The Villainess. I love the villainess genre, absolutely oversaturated with slop though it may be. This one is a fave, and what I like about Claire is that she has multiple arcs. So many examples of this genre use isekai or reincarnation explanations to sand off the rough edges, and while I think Claire is very sympathetic, the light novels show that she has to prove her good intentions and overcome her prejudices.

K - Kotori Minami, Love Live! She's not the strongest character, really, but I just like her a lot. Love Live! meant a lot to me when I was like, 21-22.

D - Dale Cooper, Twin Peaks. Gosh what a performance, huh? I was obsessed with this show in college, and the absolute weirdo energy brought to this character has never left my brain. I really gotta watch the new season.

E - Edelgard von Hresvelg, Fire Emblem: Three Houses. She's not my fave FE3H character, but I do like her a lot, and unfortunately the discourse around her is the clearest portrait I've ever seen of fandom misogyny. The double-standards, the flattening of motivations, the lack of credit or benefit of the doubt that male characters got easily, it's all there. Edelgard they could never make me hate you.

A - A2, NieR: Automata. This is a stand-in for her, 2B, and 9S, honestly. NieR: Automata is one of my all-time faves, with a story that I loved the whole way through. For me, they are "frequently bought together, do not separate them," but A2 is the only one whose name actually starts with a letter, so she gets the honor.

T - Tahani Al-Jamil, The Good Place. This is kind of another "ensemble" pick since it is hard to choose, although Tahani might be my favorite of the main four cast. I don't watch a ton of TV, but I honestly devoured this whole show in like... maybe three weeks? I love the characters, and I loved the story, and while The Office and Parks and Recreation never really hit for me, this definitely did. With Tahani specifically, it helps that I love Jameela Jamil.

H - Hanabi Yasuraoka, Scum's Wish. This is a hard manga to recommend, and Hanabi is a hard character to love, but it lined up for me at a time where I needed to read things about characters who weren't great people but still deserved the hope that the could be better. Fun fact, an article I wrote about my relationship to the anime for a website is, I believe, the first time I was ever paid for my writing.

S - Saeko Sawatari, How Do We Relationship? I could honestly talk about Sae forever. HDWR is maybe my favorite romance manga of all time, and Sae is relatable to me in ways I find affirming and representative, and also deeply uncomfortable. Sometimes I'll be reading normally, and then Sae will say something that feels like the kind of thing I'd write in a diary and then throw into the ocean strapped to fifty pound weights due to being too honest and vulnerable. I can't explain all the things that I see reflected back at myself from her, and honestly, I probably wouldn't want to. All I can say is that she's such a special character to me.

Tagged by: @more-than-a-princess

Tagging: Normally I would tag people, but I did just do a dash meme recently and also tags are like busted for some reason for me like what's up with that. If you want to do it, though, I think you should and you can say I tagged you and it'll be our secret.

[crisishauntline]

I think she finally heard me.

After spending all day processing on my own and with my therapist, M, Y, and my mom—while also checking in multiple times with L over the phone—I finally came to the conclusion that this shit has to end. I have been expressing my needs this whole time, and she can’t meet them. She is not a bad person but we’re not the right people for each other. And no matter how deeply I love her, or how deeply she thinks she loves me, she can’t force or blackmail me to be with her at my own expense.

So I told her that. Everything in my post from yesterday, everything I realized while processing with others about how she has been truly manipulative, narcissistic, and cruel—even though she doesn’t mean it. Intent does not equal impact. When I pointed out how my boundaries (therapist, drinking, personal space/time) have remained unchanged since the beginning and yet have to constantly be renegotiated and adjusted and apologized for each time they come up, while hers are constantly shifting and unsatisfiable, she took a breath. She said the way I explained it made it all just “click.” She said she felt stupid and like she had wasted so much time. And that she didn’t understand why it had been so hard for her to just believe she was loved by me, despite all the ways I have been telling and showing her—and that she finally believed me when I say I cannot physically, emotionally, or spiritually give any more than the 100% I have been giving her, and that it is both fair and necessary for her to find other sources for the support that I can’t give.

The only part I took pains not to say was that I was close to ending things, not because I felt forced to reassure her (or at least not just that), but because I’m still not sure I do. As I told her, I want to see her try. I want to see her healing. I want to see her thriving and whole. But I also need to be free to leave if that doesn’t happen. What she needs is to be chosen, and I can’t give that to her if I’m not free to choose something other than her.

And she understood, I really believe it. She repeated it all back to me and took accountability.

She’s going to take care of herself and give me space until I'm done editing this book. That means I have now through Tuesday to regain my balance and hopefully get this work albatross off my neck. Then she’ll come to my place Wednesday night, we’ll do couples counseling, go to bed, I’ll take her to her surgery in the morning, and then we’ll stay at the AirBnB for the next couple days while she recovers. We’ll figure out where to go from there.

I am cautiously optimistic, but I am trying to temper it by remembering how my loved ones have reacted when I share about this relationship. Today Y even called it emotional abuse. That feels strange. I feel lucky to have so many people looking out for me and ready to throw hands to stop someone from hurting me in the way she has been. But I don’t like the abuser/abuse framing. I don’t want this pattern to define her in that way, even if just in my mind.

All I know is Hozier’s Unreal Unearth is HITTING like no other this week.

[cirqosmos]

okay! *cracks knuckles* here we go!! i have a lot of praise for this series, the more i read it the more i fall in love. 🤩🤩🤩 i’ll go into specifics about what i loved the most from a technical point of view:

the prose and flow of the writing: everything flowed together seamlessly from scene to scene, i honestly loved how smooth it was to read. it felt shorter than it was in the best way possible — as in it was so easy to consume, but not to the point of being juvenile; and it was also adequately descriptive, but not so much that it took too much away from what was happening in the scene. that’s definitely not an easy think so well done!

the subtle progression of emotions: at first, i thought it was a bit harder to tell with jungwon’s character how he was able to go from “interested” to deeply in love, but then i noticed that the little things showed it for him. for me the whole “marry me” part felt a bit insincere on his part (as a character, i mean not because of you’re writing). but it really showed how deeply he felt about the mc when he did things like defend her from slander, rescue her from the lake and fell asleep in her presence, despite  having trust issues. and the final nail in the box was when he gifted the handmade book to mc as a gift. he took something the mc was genuinely interested in into consideration and don’t just gift her jewellery or dressed, and put effort into making it. that was really touching

the development of relationship between mc and jungwon: you managed to make a very swoon-worthy romance, not going to lie. but it was for a lot more than simply kabedon and “milady” (though that was admittedly a big part in it). a key example of this would be the shooting star scene. i am ashamed to say i didn’t give it proper acknowledgement in the first read through, but once i read it again it actually pulled at my heartstrings. it’s the point in time where both the mc and jungwon become more honest with each other, and rather than a tug of war game, it’s like them meeting in the middle, if that makes sense. when they wished upon a shooting star, the mc wished to be more true to themselves and jungwon wished to be more sincere in his endeavours — it wasn’t anything dramatic, and that’s why it works. because everything else on their relationship until this point was dramatic (the proposal, the confronting the marquess, the lake incident, etc) that this moment was all the more impactful

the ending: jungwon has always been upfront about his desire to marry the mc, but in the ending scene I feel like we get a sense of vulnerability from having confessing his love. the fact that he — a prince — knelt down before mc shows just how much he adores her. and when he asks if he is worthy of being mc’s lover? that shit hurteth — because he was always so forward and confident in his advances and we finally get to see him become somewhat insecure. he’s showing mc another side of him, and i love that. 

this is honestly more good feedback than anything else! but if you want critique, in terms of writing here’s something I picked up on:

misplaced colloquialism: this might just be a nit pick but i’ll explain what i mean here. so since mc isn’t from the time period, it’s understandable that their thoughts wouldn’t be in cursive, fancy, writing of that makes sense. like obviously her way of speaking would be different. but sometimes that bled into the narration a bit— sometimes you would use modern slang like “ain’t”, which is fine in mc’s pov, but something to be careful of when switching from mc’s pov to jungwon’s, if that makes sense.

other than that I couldn’t think of much off the top off my head but will let you know if I find anything else!! hope this helped in some way and sorry if it’s too long!! 😇

— 🌅

OKAY SO THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH, THIS IS SO PRECIOUS TO ME <3 !!! your review gave my brain something to think of lol, something to keep in mind for my next stories so thank you! It's rlly a great help, no, it's a very very big help to me that's why thank you 🌅 anonnie!! It is never too long, i love every word and you put sm effort in this so why would i not like it? 😭😭 THANK YOU VV MUCH <333

i'm always going back to read this, it rlly makes me happy too shooting star scene/glasshouse scene, it was actually my favourite and it was the scene that I put the most effort. that's why it kind of makes me rlly sad that no one mentions it ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ that's why thank you!!

[itsclydebitches]

Oh I FULLY agree with you there and that feeds into the whole "The merge really hasn't been explained yet, we don't know if Oscar is going to disappear, when that will happen, what that means for his soul, this whole situation is so messed up and no one is acknowledging it including Oscar himself" issue.

That's just not how I personally interpreted the Cat's comment:

"So the old man and the boy share a body now? Hmm, that's got some uncomfortable implications."

To me it came across as a dig at the age difference and, as put, the "uncomfortable implications" of having a 1,000+ yo trying to live his life in a 14yo's body/a 14yo suddenly having the memories and knowledge of an experienced adult. Plus the potential reference to shipping. Outside of AUs, things got really dicey in Volume 4 for fans who wanted to ship Oscar, Ozpin, or any of their potential love interests. Rosegarden is so cute!... but surely you're not thinking of supporting a canon relationship when Ozpin is right there? Damn Ozqrow has a lot of potential!... too bad it's totally impossible now because Ozpin is attached to a child. To be clear, my own personal views are a lot more complicated - I come from Old Fandom shipping where I work to separate my preferences from the generalized right to Ship Whatever the Fuck You Want No Matter How Messed Up it Would Be IRL Because Fiction is A Space of Creativity and Exploration and Though it is Not Removed From Potentially Impacting Reality It's Still Made Up and Does Not Reflect Real Life Morals, Inclinations, or Beliefs - but it's clearly been a contentious point in the fandom, enough that I'd be shocked if the writers hadn't caught wind of it after six years. Having the Cat point out how (potentially) uncomfortable it is that the old man is now housed in the body of a child felt like a chuckle at all that drama. Which for me, as mentioned in the original post, really falls into the category of other 'realistic problems' we should just be ignoring to enjoy a fantasy show: When do characters go to the bathroom? What are the girls doing for period supplies? How does a 14yo manage all the realities of his private life while housing an adult guy in his head? These are problems that only exists if you start rejecting suspension of disbelief... or if you give Oscar an explicit romance arc while he's still got Ozpin hanging around. Yeah, then we'd have to engage with some of that.

Basically, the comment didn't feel like, as you've accurately laid out, a legitimate criticism along the lines of how horrifying the merge is in general and how the story isn't engaging with that. The Cat's comment, keeping that comedic tone, felt to me like, "Ewww an old man sharing a body with a boy?? Ohhh that's got some problems I bet people think too deeply about 🤭"

It sure was a Choice by Miles to include a cognihazard designed to obliterate the brains of anyone slightly critical of the show in episode 4. I'm just so curious whether he genuinely thought it would be funny or it was some weird malicious bent. I assume former given how the cat was otherwise treated, though none of the comedy worked for me.

I think it was meant to function both as comedy and an argument. We already have a ton of humor in Volume 9 that in no way breaks the 4th wall by acknowledging critics' (supposed) complaints, but even beyond that you don't just stumble into the "joke" of addressing the disappointed members of a fanbase... and you don't include that "joke" unless you intend to disagree with them.

So yeah, I think Miles assumed it would be funny with the humor stemming from the expected response of, "Oh my god that's ridiculous. Who's upset about that??"

The actual answer "No one." If we read the scene as a kind of argument from the writers, it's a strawman's argument: exaggerated and simplified to make it easier to refute. Notably, everything the Cat mentions are things that critics aren't concerned with. Or, to be more careful with my words because it's a big Internet and I'm sure someone, somewhere has brought these issues up, these examples are by no means representative of critics' primary concerns. We don't care that Ozpin is sharing a body with Oscar (that lives in the realm of other suspension of disbelief questions like, "When are the characters going to the bathroom?"), but rather that they're at the center of the cosmic narrative instead of the girls, the merge still isn't explained, Oscar's development has mostly happened off screen, etc. No one cares that Remnant had a floating city - to my mind that's a good idea to avoid the majority of the grimm - but rather that it was used as the symbol for a shoddily written classism arc and then plowed into the city below with our heroes now barely acknowledging that. Few fans care about Ciel specifically (beyond those individuals who understandably thought she might show up in the Atlas arc), they care about what she represents: a bloated cast where, as the Cat themselves say, characters rarely come back in a notable way.

The point of this scene is to make up/simplify/distort criticism until you have a list of ridiculous complaints and then go, "See how ridiculous they are? People upset with the show are so funny." Note that one of the REAL concerns acknowledged in the episode - the question of whether our protagonists are good huntresses - is immediately answered with a firm, unambiguous "Yes." Blake, Yang, and Weiss all speed-run a self-reflection arc in a matter of literal seconds, going, "You're questioning whether we're the heroes? Of course we are! I know exactly who I am, I have no doubts, and you are wrong to question our role as huntresses." The exception to this is Ruby who starts to take the question seriously... only for the Cat to interrupt, "saving" her, and painting the Caterpillar as the bad guy in the process.

Seriously, the ending of that scene frames someone making the girls reflect on their actions for once as an attack that needs to be stopped and that right there highlights the "protagonist centered morality" problem of Volume 6 onward.

Now, some otherwise well-written shows can get away with a scene like the Cat's and it comes across as the writers being playfully self-reproachful. "Yeah, we know we messed that up. Our bad. Let's laugh about it together and move on, yeah?" and the audience agrees because no story is perfect and you've done a good job on the whole. RWBY doesn't have that leeway though and, given the rest of the episode scoffing at one of the biggest concerns of Volume 8, the implication is not that the writers are humbly aware of their own inevitable mistakes, but that they just thoroughly disagree that they've made them. Anything they have kinda messed up - Ozpin-Oscar body, floating Altas, Ciel - is so minor and silly as to hardly be worth mentioning outside of a joke.

[theperfectlovestory]

You Are My Home

I DON'T OWN THE PICTURE

Information: This will probably have multiple parts but stand alone (?) I'm a bit nervous to post this cause this is a more personal uhh imagines 😂

Summary: It's been a long time since your friends saw you, a lot has change and you are in a better place in your life. Specially the relationship part

Pairings: Elizabeth Olsen x Reader

Theme: fluff

TW: none (?)

Word Count: 2,241

"Hey guys" you greeted, giving a small smile to your friends. It's been a long time since you all had the chance to talk together

Everyone has been busy and since you left your original city 2 years ago, the best you can do is chat with them once in a while

You are confident that the relationship with them is strong but you are sure many things have changed. But change is good, specially since you left with heavy heart and full of uncertainty

Right now you are in a good position in your life, and everyone is free, or at least made sure to make time. But still, the best you can do is video call for now

After 2 years this is the first time you've seen everyone. While they keep in touch and get together once in a while. You just were too far, both physically and mentally

"Hey, long time no see" Steve teased and you chuckled

"Damn you look good" Natasha commented "been taking care of yourself, I see"

You made a face and nodded "happy now I finally hit the gym like you always nag me to?" She chuckled

"Hey, just want you healthy"

"I know, thank you. Your voice is actually what pushed me in training" you leaned on the table, placing your cheeks on your knuckles "I can just hear you berating me for being so weak"

Everyone chuckled, agreeing that she does do that

"But in all seriousness, you look happy" Bucky complimented

Sighing, you nodded, finally at the position in your life where you can actually see yourself having a bright future

"I am, finally got my shit together, mostly at least"

The topic then transferred to your other friends, enjoying their presence even just from the screen. Laughing together just like the old times

"(Y/n)?" You turn your head to the voice, your girlfriend, Elizabeth calling for you coming from the second floor

"Darling, I'm in the dining" you answered and immediately heard footsteps

Without looking at the screen of your laptop, she smiled, excitedly tilt your head by your chin, kissing you deeply

Every one of your friends are stunned. Of course, you never showed them any public display, not like you had the chance anyway since you never really pursued anyone for years you were with them and now here you are kissing Elizabeth Olsen

Very famous actress, part of big filming companies, a producer as well

"Damn (Y/n)..." Natasha whispered and you laughed when Lizzie finally realized you were actually on a video call

"Oh no, sorry baby" she said wiping your mouth and hers with her sleeves, you shake your head to stop her

"You're fine, or not. But Lizzie, meet my friends" you gestured on the screen and Lizzie shyly waved at them. Blush dusting her cheeks as she pursed her lips into a decent smile. Your taste still lingering on her mouth

They said a quick hi to be polite then suddenly spoke all at once berating you for not telling them you are dating "the Elizabeth Olsen". The actress, the girl of your dreams

Then it was your turn to blush when Bucky mentioned that she's the reason you never had any interest in other people. She was just too 'shiny' to you, the other just seemed dull

Elizabeth looked at you with new found love in her eyes as you got bullied by your friends. She can't help but give you a quick kiss on the cheek before apologizing for interrupting your moment with them again

"Oh no, you did not interrupt at all. We probably wouldn't even know she's dating if you didn't come" Tony said and everyone told him to shut up

"It's not like how it sounds, Ms. Olsen. (Y/n) is very proud of you, she just really doesn't like speaking about her relationships" Peter explained and Elizabeth chuckled

"Oh I know, that's why we are not in public anyway" she patted your head "but it's okay. I don't want to drag her in the mess of Hollywood so if you can just keep all this between us" she gave everyone a small smile and they either shrugged or nodded

"No problem" Natasha answered "I'll make sure these idiots don't slip up"

Elizabeth gave them a big smile before she left to get breakfast. Once she is gone though they started attacking you with questions again

"Fine fine" you sighed, finally giving up "we met a few months after I left, I applied to the Marvel Studio as set decorator. I was fixing up the set the night before with a bunch of my coworkers so the shooting will proceed with ease. I'm usually just there at night so when she came looking for her phone, which I actually picked up and was planning to give to the lost and found before leaving, they pointed her to me. I gave it to her, she thanked me and that was it'' you shrugged

"Then how did you two got together"

Pursing your lips, knowing they wouldn't stop anyway you told them

It was the wrap up of the filming for Endgame. The biggest movie you will ever work with if you are honest

A bunch of A-listers are there and a lot of demands have to be met so for the first time, the whole movie you had to be in and out of the sets. You barely slept or ate in the past few months. You apartment even collected dust since all you did there is go home, take a shower, then go out

You mostly slept on set. By the end of the filming your body is screaming for rest. But you kept going anyway. This project is a very big deal for you, specially you lead the look of the set. anything that needs to be changed, moved, removed, added to the set goes through you

So basically, all day you stand in front of the set, watching the designers work their magics and you requesting changes, assessing the atmosphere in pre production and etc. and at night, clean up and set up is a bitch

One morning you were so tired you wanted to pass out there and then when Elizabeth enter the area. She was shooting all her parts today that can be soloed

You tried to keep yourself awake and alert to anything and everything so when you noticed an uneven ramp and props that she will unfortunately stepped on, your body started running before your mind can comprehend what's happening

She let out a squeal when she broke her ankle and fall but before she hit the ground and risk further injuries on her wrist that is sure to break her fall, you were catching her

But your body felt so weak that instead of staying up right, she fell on you. At least she wasn't hurt at any part of her body but you were, you hit your head on impact but it was minor

If ever, it only made you dizzy

She stood up and you did as well. You rubbed your hand on your face, ordering staffs to re-arrange and clean up the set so no more obstacle can cause accidents

You didn't even dare look at her eyes knowing those green orbs will suck your life out of you. You asked her if she's okay, also apologizing for the dangerous set up. It was overlooked that she would be indeed walking in heels, boots but heels nevertheless

"It's fine, I'm fine" she said, smiling but her eyes are full of worry "are you though? You hit your head when you broke my fall" she said, even unconsciously touching it

"Uh yeah..." you awkwardly smiled at her "it doesn't hurt, thanks" you then slowly back away. When the props have been arrange, the shooting started but your body felt so weak you had to call your assistant to cover for you

You went to the area where you always rested and slept. You were out for almost 2 hours when a cough woke you up. You sat up, rubbing your eyes and ask what they need without even looking at them

"I...brought you food, and coffee" your head snapped, looking at the voice you only dream of talking . She had a small and awkward smile and shy look in her eyes directed to you

"I was looking for you where you usually stand but noticed you weren't there" she explained, your face obviously gave your confusion away "I wanted to thank you again, the stunt director said that if it weren't for you, I would most likely break my wrist in that fall"

You slowly nodded, giving her a small smile "well, it was our fault for not triple checking the set"

"No no, please don't do that, accidents happen, I'm just here to thank you. It was me being clumsy too" You look at her with newfound admiration, a firm believer of 'never meet your idol, it will disappoint you'. But it wasn't the case with her at all

You are aware of the rumors that she's actually very kind, down to earth and serious with her job. It's a good rumor considering she is well known and if you are honest, you know deep in your heart it is true, but you never get your hopes up high

If only you met in a different circumstance, maybe you would think of trying to flirt a little but you know your place. This is a work situation and you need to be as professional as you can be. She is still an actress after all, you need to respect her space

It doesn't mean that she is being kind to you, it's an invitation to step into that space of hers. So you muster the most professional smile you can

"Well thanks, it's really no problem" you said with indifference and if you are actually not too much in your head, you will see her frown with the change of tone

She then handed you the food and the coffee "I'd actually like to talk more again sometimes" she said, swallowing the tightness in her throat "maybe for a coffee?"

The invitation did wonders in your body. Your heart is just beating a tad bit faster, your stomach filled with butterflies, your cheeks turning red. All the cliché reactions you can feel, it's there but then you moved and you groaned, your body sore from over work

You were so sure you wanted to say yes, but your body clearly wanted to say no. After this shooting, you just want to drop dead in your apartment and maybe wake up 3 months after

"I'm just so tired recently, I will be no fun" you chuckled, exhaustion dripping on every syllable "but hey, maybe a few weeks after the filming is done, if you are still up for it?"

The sadness of rejection from earlier was turned into a big grin. Her excitement sparkled on her eyes "sure, I'd give you my number then"

You nodded and gave her your phone. She didn't even have to ask for a password because you never put one in. It's easier since you give your phone to your assistants all the time to contact people for updates on props shipments and other business related matter

She excitedly tapped her number, saving it as 'Scarlet Witch' and that made you giggle. Using her screen name that's not even canon yet

"Okay, Scarlet Witch, I'll call you when I finally get some well deserve hibernation, then maybe I'll be more fun to talk to than a usual" She laughed and nodded and you are so sure you can never be more in love with her voice

She then said a few more things before leaving you to rest. You thanked her again for the food and coffee before she disappeared

"I can't believe you almost rejected her" Steve said wide eyed "she's like, your dream woman"

"Oh I can" Natasha said "(Y/n) doesn't hit uncertain, have you ever played with her on anything? All her hits are aces!"

"But it's like the chance of a lifetime!"

"Yeah! That's why you make sure you attack when you know it will hit!"

The two started bickering and you all just watched, laughing at their same old antics. Elizabeth then walk to your side, offering you a fruit bowl for breakfast, you thanked her and then invited her to seat besides you and she did, you kissed her off camera

"What was that?" She chuckled but tried to catch your lips again when you pulled away, you giggled at her pouty face

"Nothing, just suddenly can't believe I'm actually dating you" she sighed, giving you a small smile

"You might think that you're the lucky one but it's actually me" she said, pressing a hand on your cheeks and squeezing it lightly "you make my life whole, (Y/n), you filled the space in my heart where money or popularity cannot"

"And you picked up and fixed my broken pieces" you countered, leaning on her hand that's now just slowly rubbing your cheeks

"I guess we are both lucky then"

"Yeah"

Your eyes both glint the same way. Feeling like you finally found where you belong, in each other. You are home

[amysubmits]

Hi! What do you do, or better phrased, how do you adapt, when he makes a decision that you think is wrong, the wrong decision or the wrong direction, that you simply don't agree with?

Hi! :)

First, I'd share my view with him. I'd respectfully explain my concerns about his idea like why I think it may not work or why I think another path may work out better.

By "respectfully" I just mean the vanilla meaning of the word. As long as I don't use harsh wording or a condescending/judgmental/etc tone of voice then sharing my concerns or disagreement is seen as respectful.

He'll hear me out and respond. There have been times where he hadn't really considered my concerns or where I hae information that he didn't have, so he may change his mind after considering what I said. In other cases, he'll understand my view or my concerns but just disagree with me.

If he disagrees with me he'll usually explain his thinking more thoroughly while showing respect for my view. "I hear you, A may happen, but I think doing B is still best, and if A does happen, then we'll XYZ and it'll be okay." or whatever.

Usually, just knowing he's really heard and considered my worries helps me enough to make it possible to submit without feeling friction, even if I continue to somewhat disagree.

If he has a plan for how he'll respond if my worries come true, that helps me as well. That's not to say that it always completely satisfies me, or that I don't ever struggle to submit to his decision...I do have lingering discomfort sometimes, but I basically just try to submit still. and usually am able to do so without too much difficulty after I've been heard.

I see it as part of our relationship style (not necessarily D/s in general but specifically the way CD and I do it) that I am expected to basically 'suck it up' and let him do things his way even when I disagree, sometimes. I want him to lead our relationship and have the final say on big issues, and we do have really similar values, morals, priorities, etc so we agree a lot...but no two people are always going to think the same way. So I see letting him lead in a way I somewhat disagree with is part of letting him lead in his own way. I wouldn't want him to only lead in the ways that I would lead...I like him leading based on who he is.

This thing of 'sucking it up' and submitting is only something that happens if I'm somewhat disagreeing, not if I am strongly against what he's doing. If I really was deeply against it, I would have to voice that I just can't agree to this, similar to safewording or setting a limit. I don't think that has happened yet. But we have had times where even after talking something out, I still am not 'all in' on his decision...but thankfully that isn't very common.

Him hearing me out and addressing my views and concerns reminds me of his respect for me and how he values how his decisions impact me. Basically, I'm always reminded that if he is deciding something I disagree with, i's never because he doesn't care about my beliefs or thinks my perspective is stupid. It's always just that he really thinks his way is best for us both. So knowing that it comes from a place of wanting to take care of me (and us) as best as he can. So that makes it feel very different than a scenario where someone would be disagreeing with me because they think they are superior or who see me voicing my respectful disagreement as a threat to them or what not.

The whole idea of D/s where the sub just has to say 'yes sir' to everything unless it's a hard limit would never work for me because I need to feel like my voice/views/beliefs/concerns/etc are heard in order to willfully submit, sometimes. CD is the same way. He's used wording before like...he's the pilot but I'm his trusted copilot, or something like that. He thinks two heads are better than one, and he deeply values my input. He doesn't want to be a dictator, he wants 51% of the vote.

Also, occasionally we miss the mark on either side. If a issue is really important to either of us, we might not express things as respectfully as we should, or if we're insecure we might get defensive or respond poorly even if the other was being respectful. Like maybe he did hear me out and tried to soothe my concerns but I still feel dismissed because he continues to disagree with me and in my insecurity anything other than agreeing with me may feel like rejection. Or maybe I respectfully raised my reasons for disagreeing but he took it as a rejection of his dominance even though it really wasn't. We're both imperfect, I don't mean to suggest otherwise. But those are rarities because usually maintaining respect on both sides makes things go smoothly.

[stellocchia]

I really liked Wilbur's lore stream from yesterday, so you guys are getting a short stream analysis from me

As always dialogue is color-coded: Wilbur, Tubbo, Ranboo

And since I'm the least concise person ever everything is under the cut

The stream is (DSMP LORE) A Year Later

The stream starts with Wilbur singing the L'Manburg anthem to Ranboo. It is interesting to notice that, just like all the streams since he's been back he doesn't start off the stream by addressing chat in any way but already taking with someone in-universe.

"I'm a big big fan of the song (...) (Wilbur notices that Ranboo was muted) so sorry, let's try again: have you heard that song before?" "Yeah I have, I have. I have- I've had a friend that sings it quite a lot" “Good, good, and I was gonna say, it’s obviously based on Hallelujah right? But the thing is, the thing is Ranboo, right? But the thing is- the thing is Ranboo, right? Is that the reason we did it is because Tommy used to sing Hallelujah to the plants" "Oh, to the plants?" "Yeah! In- in the- around the- around the uhm... around the thing! You know the- the caravan? (...) so, my man, Tommy used to sing to the plants to make them grow better and that was the song he used to sing and so I thought what a way to honour Tommy, you know, one of the most- one of the most loyal members or of our fair nation than by naming the song after him, you know? And singing it based on his little- his little Muse. Tommy is a- Tommy is all of our Muse really I'd say"

I cut as much of this quote as I could while still leaving it well understandable and leaving in everything I wanted to talk about, but man is it long... So let's break it down a bit at a time:

1) The friend that Ranboo referenced that sings the anthem a lot is most likely Tubbo considering that they met him later on in this stream while he was singing that very song

2) The memory of the song seems to still be a particularly pleasant one for Wilbur, which probably explains why Ghostbur as well was so fond of it. He speaks about it positively throughout and it generally seems like an overall positive moment of reminiscence, probably because it's a callback to a simpler time when Wilbur too was, you know, happier overall. It's a reminder of a time before the worsening of his spiral.

3) Also interesting that they kept it in canon that Tommy singing to the plants was what inspired the anthem. Especially because I'm not entirely sure if that's the case considering that the actual anthem wasn't written by cc!Wilbur but by a fan upon his request (obviously this is outside the story).

4) Last thing I wanted to mention was Wilbur describing Tommy as a Muse. Muses in mythology are the inspirational goddesses of the arts, music, and science, Tommy aside from the anthem obviously isn't that. But it is interesting that Tommy does take a central role when it comes to motivating people. We could say that Techno's speech on the 16th was inspired by him since it was directed at him. Similarly, Niki and Jack had their arcs revolving around him. Tommy was able to rally the troops with ease multiple times. And Dream's obsession with him itself is the main motivator for, like, 90% of his actions. So, while he may not cover the role of a muse literally it's not a comparison that is too far off...

They headed to the museum afterward and took notice of the Ranboo poster being missing. And then they headed off to L'Manburg (which, by the way, looks amazing, thank you cc!Phil for that one).

"It goes by L'Manhole now apparently" "I- yeah it's kinda- ugh- I'm not a fan. It's kinda rude to L'Manburg's history, you know? It- it's called L'Manburg. It's called L'Manburg. NOT Manberg, not L'Crater or whatever. L'Manhole, I don't care, it's now L'Manburg, it's always L'Manburg, okay?"

It's interesting that not too long ago he was saying that even L'Manburg itself (with an emphasis on the name) wasn't what was actually important, the purpose of it was. He admits later on that he lied in that conversation, but it's impressive how quickly he trusted Ranboo enough to let him see how much he still cared about L'Manburg when he was so intent on lying about it not too long ago.

Wilbur's enthusiasm about seeing the flag is another nice confirmation about him still caring deeply for his old nation.

"Damn, I really went down to bedrock, didn't I? Holy shit I did- I did a number on this place" (I wonder why Ranboo didn't correct him on this, because Ranboo knows that Techno, Phil, and Dream are the ones who actually exploded the country down to bedrock...)

They end up seeing Tubbo on the other side of the crater and head over to him. While they're heading there Tubbo is singing the anthem himself in a very mournful tone.

One interesting thing that I noticed it's that it's Wilbur that heads towards Tubbo's location instead of having Tubbo go to him like he mostly did with Tommy for example. I suppose it could be because Tubbo having been a president himself is in less of a subordinate position to Wilbur than Tommy who's always been a simple soldier.

"It's like looking in a little mirror, look you're wearing my suit still? How long have you been wearing that?" "Oh I just put it on, just for today" (in a similar fashion to Jack bringing out the L'Manburg uniform to reminisce, Tubbo also brought out clothes he strongly attaches the memory of L'Manburg to)

"Ranboo have you met Tubbo?" "Yeah, yeah. I've- I've met him, I mean we've, uhm... we've been around" (Ranboo still minimizing his relationship with Tubbo to Wilbur. Of course, this is because he doesn't trust him but it's interesting that he isn't even honest about that)

After a bit of back and forth, Wilbur starts apologizing to Tubbo. At first, like most other times he's having a serious discussion he puts himself in an elevated position to tower over Tubbo. It's a neat way to show how his own desire for control affects him, having Wilbur literally elevate himself over others when speaking to them. Literally putting Tubbo down in this situation. Which does make the beginning of his apology very obviously feel insincere.

"I'm sorry for making you president specifically before blowing it up and I'm sorry for when I did this *pointing at the crater* and blew all this up and making this whole. I'm sorry that I uh- that I said that you were the president of a crater"

This is that first part of the apology I mentioned. Just to clarify, I don't actually think that it was entirely insincere. It just feels less impactful due to Wilbur putting himself in a position of superiority over Tubbo, especially because it's something we've seen him do before. It's also to be noted that this time, like others before, he seems to be apologizing less out of actual guilt and more out of a desire to earn forgiveness. Which is not a critique by the way. I just feel like that's a misconception Wilbur has, that apologies serve the purpose of confirming to him that he's doing a good job at changing more than to actually make amends for what he's done. The reason why I think that's the case for the beginning part of this apology as well it's because of how fast he went to ask tubbo if he forgave him, which did put a certain level of pressure on Tubbo in this situation.

"I mean it wasn't- this wasn't all you Wilbur" (thank you tubbo for finally dispelling some of those misunderstandings)

"Yeah so me and mainly Ghostbur honestly, like-" "Ghostbur" (some more of Wilbur not being too fond of Ghostbur)

"Right is he [Ghostbur] this obsidian crap then I take it and these- these fucking dumb lanterns up here" (a bit more)

To correct Wilbur's misconceptions Tubbo starts off asking if the other knew Dream, to which Wilbur responds with how much he appreciates Dream and how he's his hero, which makes Tubbo backtrack and blames most of Doomsday on Techno and Phil. Which, as we know, isn't actually accurate and I have a feeling that this misinformation will be harmful later on once Dream is out of prison (though I don't blame Tubbo for backtracking with how enthusiastic Wilbur is, that was the basic conflict-avoidant approach that Tubbo seems to prefer).

"They rained tnt for days" (if this is actually canon then Doomsday was even more of a tragedy than we previously saw it as. It was days filled with fighting and destruction. Then again, Tubbo has misremembered traumatizing events before)

"Techno and Phil, they hated the government. I mean it was partially my fault as well" "But you didn't blow it up" "No I didn't. I would never have wished or anything like this to happen" "So it was just Techno and Phil?" *long pause* "Y-yeees"

Two things to say here:

1) I appreciate someone in canon recognizing that it's not Tubbo's fault for what happened to L'Manburg and blaming the people who actually blew it up, similarly to how I appreciate Wilbur bringing up with Tommy that it was clearly Dream pulling the strings with his exile with Tubbo. It's nice having it stated plainly for people to hear

2) This is the misconception I mentioned. This is most certainly gonna backfire at some point.

After that Wilbur commends Tubbo quite a lot for rebuilding New L'Manburg (once again being dismissive towards Ghostbur) and is clearly enthusiastic about it, even going as far as to say that that mattered more to him than them building him a grave.

"I just, I feel lost without L'Manburg. All my core beliefs, everything died with it" "You feel lost without a nation..." "I have no purpose anymore" "I guess that's where anarchy fails" (I think this may be the first time someone admits it to someone else, even though that lack of purpose and feeling disoriented is very obviously a shared sentiment amongst the ex-citizens)

After that, it's when Wilbur invites Tubbo to join Paradise, the, supposedly burger van with a small house attached to it that wasn't supposed to become a nation. I have a feeling that the proposition coming right after that exchange may imply that Wilbur changed his mind on it. He does purposefully put himself again in an elevated position when making the proposition.

"Would you like to come join me in Paradise? Literally" "Hmmm, I'm not sure Wilbur. I'm not sure I trust you man, I need to- in order to follow someone I need to trust them" "Wait, wait but you- I thought you forgave me! I thought it was, you know it-" "Wilbur I forgive you because I like to hang on to the hope that people can change, but-"

This is what I mean when I say that Wilbur's apologies come with expectations for the person he's apologizing to. By asking Tubbo first if he forgave him when he originally apologized, he already made it harder for Tubbo to refute that. And now we learn that he expected trust to come along with forgiveness. He's not doing this maliciously of course, but he does seem to have some misconceptions on this.

"I know you had that- that at the festival? With Technoblade? I never spoke to you properly about this. I- I could have saved you" "But you didn't" (other people brought this up, but this is a neat little parallel to the one scene in exile where Ranboo was lamenting about how he should have gone with Tommy and Tommy shut him down pointing out that anyone could have gone but no one actually did)

There is a second round of apologies and Wilbur is still standing higher than Tubbo, BUT he does put himself on his same level after he did a bit more pushing and found that Tubbo was standing his ground. He finally puts himself on the same level as Tubbo and openly acknowledges his boundaries which is the first actual real effort to change that we've seen from Wilbur. Which I'd say is a pretty important step for him.

"Wilbur in order for you to gain my trust back you have to prove it, I can't just give it out anymore. I used to be able to but I just- I just can't" (acknowledgement of how Tubbo's trauma also affected him deeply)

"You know I still have dreams, right? Of the explosion. And- and of the fireworks. And- and all of it. I- I still- I vividly see all of it. Every day. It hurts. It hurts a lot Wilbur"

I want to commend Tubbo here for being able to open up like this, especially considering how much he generally leans into denial and how much he usually suppress. And on top of that this is Tubbo acknowledging that both Wilbur's actions (the explosion) and Techno's actions (the fireworks) have hurt him and STILL hurt him and affect him deeply. It's quite a big admission especially for him.

"Sorry feels like such a weak word. I feel like there's nothing stronger that I can say" (first time that he's standing on the same level of Tubbo while apologizing)

"You're so strong man. Genuinely. You just- just the fact that you proved to me just there that you have this memories, that you have this nightmares and you still find it in your heart to forgive me. That's... you're a fucking champion man. You- you're a hero"

It's interesting that the reason why he claims Tubbo to be strong here is because he forgave him. It's not something that's inherently about Tubbo, like the fact that he still found the strength to go on and rebuild after the events he mentioned, for example, no. What Wilbur brought up is the one thing that Tubbo did for him. Which tells me that he still clearly has a bit of way to go to learn how to make amends and how redemption actually works, but, you know, that's to be expected honestly.

Wilbur moves on by inviting Tubbo to at least come and see Paradise, just to see what they'd made and Tubbo refuses because he wanted to spend more time reminiscing. Wilbur this time respect Tubbo's boundaries with no pushing which is yet another step forward for him honestly. Wilbur also gives Tubbo a "lucky rabbit's foot" that Tommy gave him to cheer him up and assure him that he had no problems with him not going.

With this their conversation comes to a close and Wilbur and Ranboo head over to Paradise (though not before Ranboo has confirmed with Tubbo that he actually does want to be left alone).

"You know I was gonna say 'this is hard' but obviously it's hard. I mean, you know, I've..." (a bit of reflection on his actions for Wilbur, you love to see it!)

"It's gonna get better! It's gonna get better! And it's gonna be worth it when I see them smiling. All of them. Tubbo, Jack, Niki, Tommy, anyone!" (I'm pretty sure that this is a genuine sentiment right here. It really does seem that wilbur's Big Plan right now is just to make amends and change)

"Do you know who the original L'Manburg group were? Do you know who we were?" "I- I think most of them yeah... I think it was like: you, Jack, Niki, Fundy I believe as well" "Fundy was a bit after. Fundy was after we'd gotten independence"

I wonder if that's an actual misrememberance on Wilbur's part (c!Wilbur, not cc!Wilbur, I'm sure cc!Wilbur remembers this) or just him wanting to put some distance between his good memories of L'Manburg and Fundy. Because Jack and Niki weren't there for the independence war either and yet he singled out Fundy who was. And I doubt that he'd forget about his son being one of the people who lost their first life in the final control room. In addition to that Wilbur didn't mention Fundy before among those he wanted to make smile.

I really think that this was intentional and that it was because, well, Wilbur felt deeply betrayed by Fundy. And we as the audience know that Fundy only ever publicly stopped acknowledging him as his father to be able to stay undercover as a spy, but he doesn't. It wouldn't be so weird that he wanted to erase Fundy from his memories of the time when he was supposed to be happy.

"I try and keep this on the low because I don't want uh- I don't want people to use it against me is the main problem. I do wa- I didn't even tell Tommy, I lied to Tommy" "Yeah?" "I'll be honest I'm gonna tell him soon that I lied to him because if it- it kinda eats away at me. But I told- I told tommy that I didn't actually care about L'Manburg and that it was just like a tool for me to use to gain, you know, power and stuff, but it's not- it's not true. L'Manburg is- was really important to me. And it is still to this day"

Once again I'm surprised how little it took Wilbur to trust Ranboo with stuff he hasn't really told anyone else. Makes you really understand how low of an opinion of himself he has that when the first person that calls him "alright" out loud just gets his undying trust. Especially considering that Ranboo doesn't trust him back and hasn't been the most honset with him so far. It's also a nice spelled out admission for anyone who didn't get how much Wilbur cares about L'Manburg from the longing look he gave to the camaravan's replica in the stream where he said he never cared.

"I wanted history to live on, not as a stain caused by me, you know. I basically took a big shit on the history books it feels like" (just another interesting little insight on Wilbur's view of the situation)

"I've heard about what's Tommy's, you know, moved on... and how jack's moved on, and how Niki's moved on and everyone's moved on from L'Manburg at least partially, but Tubbo man, he's still..." (he only thinks the rest of them moved on because he hasn't spoken almost at all with two of them and he never really listened to Tommy. Also, again, Fundy is not mentioned)

"I don't know where I'd be without you [Ranboo] here right now man, I mean T-Tommy's great and all and he's here but I- I feel like, you know, I don't wanna- I don't wanna string him along too much because he's- I- when I look at him. When I look at him when he's helping me out building things with me I see the same eyes that looked at me when... when... There were some- there weren't some fun times in the ravine of Pogtopia. I wasn't a very well man and I can just see Tommy from that day"

This one was one heck of a confession!

I don't know if this is me misremembering, but I'm fairly sure that this is the first time he's admitted to not being great to Tommy specifically. Again, Tommy is the one person he met with so far that he hasn't apologized to. Heck! He told Tommy to his face that him being sorry for his actions didn't mean he wouldn't do them again. It's a pretty damn big admission to acknowledge that that behaviour (which is the same now, if not worse when only related to Tommy) wasn't good. It also shows that he's at least a bit aware of Tommy's emotions which is rarely shown honestly. Though whether he cares because of Tommy or because being around Tommy makes him feel guilty (which is what you'd expect him to feel) and he doesn't like that is to be determined still, mostly just because the phrasing was a bit uncertain at the moment.

"I know what it's like to have no one- or at least feel like no one trusts you. Uhm, and I- I've realized that if- if no one's with you then how can anyone really know when you've redeemed yourself? So that's why I'm here I guess" (Ranboo's answer to why he trusts Wilbur. Which he doesn't, but still)

And the stream ends with Wilbur saying he hopes Tubbo comes around to try out one of the burgers (though he does repeat that he doesn't want Ranboo to pressure him to join) and complimenting Ranboo a bit more.