#I want to at least not be exhausted and mentally drained all the time

[welcome-home-official]

I feel really fucking selfish and stupid for wanting another lockdown. I miss the free time I had, being able to actually BREATHE and getting to enjoy a peaceful life.

[rocketthem]

nvm I’m not done ☝️

[anim-ttrpgs]

something I don’t get about the disability metaphor is that for eureka monsters obviously it harms another person to eat them. the help a disabled person needs doesn’t actively harm or kill another person. Maybe it’s a difference in perspectives that cannot be resolved

(What I’m about to write could potentially sound very fucked up at first so I’m going to need to trust everyone to read the whole thing before forming an opinion.)

Also this message and response references these two posts.

Eureka’s stance on disabled people is that they (including myself writing this) are, or at least can often be, burdens.

Disabled people often require more resources to live than they are able to “give back,” which, in our capitalist and artificial-scarcity-based economy, is just about the worst thing a person can do.

Anti-ableism sentiment often focuses on the idea that “disabled people aren’t burdens, that they’re just as good and capable as everyone else,” but if they were, they wouldn’t be “disabled” would they? When you say stuff like that, you’re conceding that a person’s worth is determined by how capable they are at doing work, and then having to bend over backwards to justify thinking that a person without arms is just as valuable as a person with arms. Eureka is asking you to decouple a person’s value from how much net resources they can produce.

Often times also, the resources that real disabled people consume are human resources, and those human resources are very much capable of suffering for it. Nurses are overworked, around-the-clock care is absolutely physically and mentally exhausting, people who have to care for their elderly or otherwise disabled relatives on top of their regular jobs don’t get to have social lives or hobbies, etc.

To this end, we wrote the monsters in Eureka to be unquestionably people who “cause damage” to society by literally eating up human resources, because they have to to live, they have no other choice unless they want to just die. Your friend is gone from your life because he has to spend all his free time caring for his comatose wife after a freak car accident. Your friend is gone from your life because a vampire randomly ate him. Providing a metaphor isn't all the monsters are doing, they just work well through that lens.

And then Eureka forces you to look at these people as people, and make up your mind as to whether they have value and a right to prologue their own existence. We can’t force you to agree that they do, but if you think they don’t, then you’ll have to make that argument looking at an intelligent person with a life rather than a pure hypothetical or statistics on a chart.

There are some monsters in Eureka where, if the economy or societal structures were changed, they would stop being such severe drains on resources and could exist harmlessly within society, and there are some monsters where no imaginable amount of societal change would solve the problems they cause. This is true of disabled people IRL as well. Some of them would require no further assistance with living if certain things about society changed, and others would still require a massive amount of human resources.

And even when it’s not necessarily human resources, the extra resources that disabled people need also cause huge energy expenditure and create huge amounts of plastic waste, which are things that contribute to global warming and pollution, which do have significant harmful effects on everyone’s lives. Despite this, they are still “worth it” to keep around.

As for actively causing harm, that happens too. I randomly scrolled past this post after we got this message and saved it so I could link it here.

This person and their family had to cause a big stink in a restaurant just to get an accommodation that they needed, and to us reading it from their perspective, we’re obviously on their side, but I can assure you that the overworked staff at that restaurant didn’t see it that way. They saw the disabled person as an aggressive Karen whom they would never in a million years want to have to provide customer service to. The disabled person & family had to get aggressive, and ruin the staff’s day, to get what they needed. That’s actively causing harm - harm we all agreed was justified to cause - but harm nonetheless.

Plastic straws aren’t that big of a deal for global pollution, but even if they were, the point is that this person still would have needed a straw. It doesn’t line up one-to-one, because metaphors rarely do, but a vampire asking if they can drink someone’s blood, and being told No, may find themselves in much the same position. (And if you bring up that some people find vampires really sexy, you’re missing the point. “I would give them a straw if they had sex with me.” is not actually a great thing to announce about yourself.)

I can also come up with an example from my own life. I personally am very sensitive to noise and noise pollution. If there’s music playing at a public space, I usually can’t handle it. (Earplugs don’t work for other reasons I won’t get into - plus, if I just deafen myself to all sound, how can I socialize with anyone in this public space?)

If I want to exist in this space, I will have to actively cause harm to everyone there, or else stop existing in that space. I will have to go up to whoever is responsible and ask them to turn off the music, actively taking it away from everyone else who was enjoying it. I have to take action to ruin their good time if I want to exist in that space at all, and they might, very understandably, be pissed off at me for doing that. Because, like I said in this other post, the people that monsters eat do have a right to prevent themselves from being eaten by monsters. We aren't proposing that the solution is everyone has to line up to be mauled to death by monsters or else they're a bad person.

Who has a greater right to enjoy themselves in that space? That’s the kind of question that Eureka poses, and makes you consider both sides as human being rather than denoting one as just an ontologically evil villain to be destroyed.

We actually don't know of perfect solutions to all the problems presented by the existance of monsters in Eureka, we just know that "exterminate all people who are parasites and burdens to society" ain't it.

[thatbloodymuggle]

MASTERMIND (ii)

TWO - FALLING WATER

SUMMARY: A child of light and dark, you are the Night Court’s best kept secret. After decades spent in hiding, you yearn to stretch your wings. But you quickly learn that freedom comes with a price, as you find yourself trying to outfox the fox in his own den.

PAIRING: eris vanserra x reader

WORD COUNT: 9.4k

SERIES MASTERLIST

WARNINGS: language, smut, oral (f receiving)

The memories of the night before come crashing down over you before your eyes even open the next morning. As you stir from your restless sleep, you can still smell the cedar of the blazing bonfire, hear the waltz of the orchestra, and feel Eris’s lips ghosting over your neck. Your eyes flutter open, and you lazily run a hand over your face. You flinch at the cool feeling of metal against your cheek, all grogginess gone as you look down at your hand. The silver of Eris’s ring still sits proudly on your thumb–a reminder that you hadn’t imagined last night’s events.

Autumn Court treating you well, my little liaison?

You jolt abruptly at the sound of Rhys’s voice flooding your mind.

Well enough, you reply as you haul yourself from the creaky bed.

Any updates? He questions.

The dust-covered floor is cold underneath your feet as you pad to the bathroom. I made initial contact last night, you reply. Your cheeks warm as you will away any thoughts about the details of your initial contact. 

Did he take the bait?

Like a fish, you hum over the connection. 

His deep laugh fills your mind, Good. Tread carefully.

You roll your eyes and send over one last message before putting up your mental barriers. Will do, oh mighty High Lord.

Right on cue, your stomach grumbles. A hunger pain washes over you, and you glance toward the kitchenette with a frown. You hadn’t even realized that the last time you ate a proper meal was in the Night Court before your departure yesterday. You hastily wipe the sleep from your face and prepare yourself for the day ahead. Once you deem yourself presentable enough, you throw a cloak over your shoulders and head out into the forest towards the town. Another wave of hunger washes over you, prompting you to winnow rather than walk.

A sweet aroma of clover and fire smoke tickles at your nose as you land in the middle of the small-town square. A soft smile graces your features as you take in the familiar surroundings–you have always loved the colonial architecture of the Autumn Court. The saltbox houses of varying sizes and colors are perfectly mismatched, with wooden ‘Open’ signs hanging in each window. You make your way down the cobblestone path, an empty basket in hand, and begin your window shopping. 

By noon, your basket is nearly overflowing with a variety of goods ranging from freshly baked pastries to perfectly ripened apples. After several hours of flashing smiles and playing the part of Athena Ellesmere flawlessly, your social battery is drained, to say the least. All you want is to curl up in front of the fireplace in your cabin and read one of the many books you’ve packed. But you have one more stop to make.

A bell jingles as you push open the mahogany door of the wheat and grain store. You barely close it behind you before you are bombarded with a familiar, cheerful voice.

“Athena!”

You fight through your exhaustion and force a wide smile onto your face as you turn to Willow. Her red hair is slightly duller than much of the Autumn Court residents–more of a strawberry blonde. But her green eyes are strikingly bright, reminding you of the emerald of Eris’s shirt last night.

You set down your basket and greet her with an embrace, “It’s good to see you, Willow.”

“You’ve settled in well?” she chirps as she pulls away with a grin.

You nod with a soft smile, “For the most part. I was just picking up some things for my stay, but I had to stop in.”

The faerie smiles and opens her mouth to reply but pauses at the sound of the door creaking behind her. You tense as a burly male enters the shop from the backdoor. Finnian is far from the worst Autumn Court male you have encountered–but he certainly isn’t pleasant either. 

A bitter taste floods your mouth as you force your head into a greeting bow for the male before you, as per Autumn Court custom. As beautiful as the land is, you could never fathom living in a society in which females are treated with such little respect. Still, you conceal your distaste as you greet him, “Hello, Finnian.”

He merely grunts and nods in greeting. You fight the urge to roll your eyes.

“Your father couldn’t come himself?” he sneers.

You dig your nails into your palms, but your sickly-sweet smile doesn’t falter, “Unfortunately, no. I’ll be doing his bids once again.”

Finnian grunts in disapproval but doesn’t press the subject further. Instead, he nods his head at his wife expectantly. Willow turns to you with an apologetic smile, “I should really get back to work. But I would love it if you’d stop in during my lunch break one of these days.”

Your smile stretches wider, your cheeks burning in protest, as you nod and pick up your basket, “Yes, of course. It was good seeing you both.”

You all but run out of the store and let out a sigh of relief when you finally drop the plastic smile. “Stupid Autumn Court males and their fragile egos,” you grumble to yourself. You were already exhausted–but that unpleasant interaction was the cherry on top of a draining morning. 

With your basket nearly overflowing with goodies, you decide against winnowing. So, with a long sigh, you begin your stride back to your cabin. The basket weighs heavily on your arm, but you allow the wind nipping at your nose to distract you from the dull ache. As you leave the small town behind you and enter the forest, you immerse yourself in the kaleidoscope of autumn colors. 

And as you study the unique bend and curve of each tree truck, you can’t help but think about your mother. The reds reminded you of her velvet dresses. The yellows were her radiant skin when the sun rays shone through the library windows. The browns reflected her kind eyes, warm like chocolate. She would have loved this. 

Your back stiffens as you feel a lingering presence behind you. You don’t dare look back, but your ears perk up. Sure enough, a twig crunches to your left.  Who the hell is watching you? A wave of dread rushes over you, but you continue forward. You make sure the rhythm of your steps doesn’t falter, as to not alert your stalker to your awareness of their presence. Your hand slowly trails to the pocket of your cloak, and you subtly brandish a pocket-sized dagger Azriel gifted you last Starfall. In one swift motion, you spin around, drop your basket of goodies, and hold the dagger against the throat of your stalker. 

Your heart sinks at the sight of bright, amber eyes staring back at you. 

“Now this isn’t a very polite manner of greeting, is it Little Bird?” Eris’s lips curl into a roguish smile despite the metal pressed tightly against his throat.

The initial shock rolls over you and you drop the dagger. A hot flush crawls up your neck and you drop to your knees to gather the apples that had spilled out of your basket to avoid his piercing gaze.

“Well, it isn’t very polite to sneak up on people, is it?” you counter.

Just as your fingers graze the last apple, he swoops down and wraps his hand over yours atop the piece of fruit. You still as he rolls his thumb over the silver ring sitting snugly on yours.

“And it isn’t very polite to steal,” he muses, “But I suppose I should’ve known better. After all, birds are drawn to shiny things.”

You snatch your hand away, and Eris uses the opportunity to grab the apple before swiftly rising to his full height. You watch, dumbfounded, as he takes a large bite, a bit of juice dribbling down his chin. He wipes it away with a knowing smirk, and the blush crawling up your neck reaches your cheeks. Your mind screams at you, get it together. You blink, taking a moment to collect yourself, before standing up on wobbly legs.

“Fox got your tongue?” he taunts.

Your lips part at the way his tongue darts out to catch another bit of juice dribbling out the corner of his mouth. Your eyes scan down his body, drinking in his appearance. Gone is the emerald silk shirt from the night before, and in its place a sage vest atop a cream, long-sleeve shirt with billowing sleeves. Even in this more casual attire, he still exudes a certain elegance. 

Finally, you are able to formulate words, “Your trousers are undone.”

His brows furrow as he looks down, and you snatch the half-eaten apple from his unsuspecting hand. You take a large bite and relish in the sweetness of the fruit. Eris grins like a cheshire cat as he realizes your play. A hearty chuckle rumbles in his chest.

“Perhaps I misjudged you,” he drawls, “You thieve like a vixen.”

You finish off the apple with a satisfied hum and toss the core into the woods, away from the dirt path. “I would think that centuries of existence would teach you better than to judge a book by its cover,” you quip, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I do have business to attend to.”

You turn on your heel and continue your stride along the winding path. To no surprise, Eris falls into step beside you.

“And what business may that be?” he inquires.

A small smile twitches at your lips, “You’re nosy today,” you tease, but answer his query, nonetheless, “Some correspondences for my father. He’s sent me here to solidify some trade agreements with the harvest season beginning.”

“A merchant’s daughter,” Eris wonders aloud, “Not exactly what I had you pegged for.”

You arch a brow and tilt your head to face him, “And what is it that you had me pegged for?”

He takes the heavy basket from your arm, ignoring your protests, “A scholar. Or perhaps a spy.”

It takes everything in you not to react to his second guess, even though his tone is teasing. Instead, you reply coolly, “Well I’m also here to do some research. I have some ideas about some more efficient trade routes, but I haven’t been able to find any library with an adequate collection of atlases.”

Eris hums in thought, and you pray he plays into your hand, “I may be able to grant you access to the Forest House library,” you force down your proud grin, “But for a price.” 

You don’t bother hiding the exaggerated roll of your eyes, “And what might that be?”

Your heart skips a beat as he steps into your path, halting you abruptly. His head dips and you suck in a breath at his proximity. You find yourself mesmerized by the strong bridge of his nose, the fullness of his lips, as he tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. His delicate touch sends a shiver up your spine.

“A few hours of your time. I’d like to show you a place more befitting of your beauty than that little ransack cabin you’ve been caged in. Somewhere you can spread your wings, Little Bird,” he breathes.

You gulp, eyes wide at his forwardness–not to mention his inadvertent admission that he has been watching you. You all but melt into the touch of his calloused fingers as they trail down the side of your face before falling back at his side. His lips curl with amusement as you fumble for words.

“Okay,” you lamely reply.

He hums, satisfied by your answer. Your breath hitches in your throat as he leans closer and presses his lips against your cheek. His kiss is gentle, but it lingers in a tortuous manner that leaves you wanting more as he pulls away. Warm eyes wink at you as he purrs, “Till next time, Little Bird.”

And with that, he vanishes, winnowing away before you can catch your breath. Your heart races as you lift a hand to your face, ghosting your fingers over the spot on your cheek where his lips had been. He used your own move against you, and you can’t decide if you are awed or terrified–or both. But whatever the feeling, a dark part of you revels in it.

Guilt crashes over you at the realization;  just as fierce as the unbridled desire that pools in the pit of your stomach. Your feet move with a mind of their own as your mind spirals. You should not be enjoying this. As much as Rhys may try to hold on to his feeble alliance with him, Eris is the enemy. And your indulgence in his game of seduction is a grave betrayal to not only your court, but to your sister. 

You aren’t conscious of your movements as you enter your ramshackle cabin. Methodically, you kick off your boots, set down your basket, and shed your heavy cloak. You slip out of your burnt orange dress and move to the bathroom, your heart pounding in your ears. The silver ring glittering on your thumb is suddenly scorching, and you hastily take it off, throwing it onto the counter. As you stare at your reflection in the mirror, you desperately search your own features for some semblance of stability; some sort of reminder of what you’re here to do. You turn to the side and raise your arm, brushing your hand over the underside of your breast.

A sigh of relief passes through your lips as the glamour you’ve worn since you stepped foot in the Autumn Court fades, and your tattoo stares back at you: the Night Court insignia, identical to that worn by the other members of the inner circle. But unlike the others, the Day Court sun shines bright behind the Illyrian Mountain. You trace the lines, and the tension in your shoulders subsides.

Despite the undeniable effect Eris has over you, you know where your loyalty and your love lies. No matter how wily the fox may be. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Two days. Two excruciatingly long days full of fake bargaining, plastic smiles, and arrogant males have passed–and Eris hasn’t shown his face. Perhaps he got tied up with some court politics, or more likely, he forgot entirely. Whatever the case, you are not pleased, to say the least. Nor is Rhys. The beauty of the Autumn Court is the only thing that has kept you sane. But even in all its charm, you are growing restless. And you’re not sure how much longer you can wait around, itching to play.

Desperate to blow off some steam, you find yourself venturing far into the woods to mindlessly use your powers. You know it’s a risk–if anyone were to catch wind of your Night or Day Court powers, it could very possibly blow your entire cover. But if you don’t do something, you may simply die of boredom. You lose track of time as you conjure light from your fingertips into the trees above, slink into the shadows, and winnow in circles. Light, shadow, winnow, repeat. Over and over again, until the adrenaline passes, and exhaustion sets in. 

Sweat beads at your brow as you winnow, once, twice, three times more before you finally land in front of your cabin. Your legs wobble as you stumble towards the front door. Despite your tired limbs, you haven’t felt so awake since you first set foot in the Autumn Court. 

You are minutes away from collapsing on your rickety bed and reading yourself to sleep. So, imagine your surprise when you enter and find a head of flaming red hair seated on top of it. 

Eris isn’t just seated–he’s lounging on your bed, legs crossed, as if he owns it. His eyes don’t so much as shift in your direction, as he appears to be immersed in one of your books. You squint at the title, and your eyes widen with horror as it clicks. He’s reading one of Nesta’s books. Those stupid, cursed, little smut books she can’t seem to stop shoving down your throat.

“I knew you were filthy, Little Bird, but I didn’t think you were this filthy,” Eris muses.

You’re sure your cheeks are now matching the color of his hair as you rush forward and snatch the book from his hands. His eyes finally meet yours, and if your magic wasn’t completely drained, you would slip into the shadows without a second thought. He wears a vicious grin and playful delight dances in the irises of his eyes. 

“It’s not mine,” you mumble, averting your own eyes from his punishing gaze.

He tuts, “I don’t like liars, Birdie. It’s okay to admit you need a little release sometimes. Everyone does. Although, when I need a little release, I usually–”

“What are you doing here?” you hiss, the blush on your cheeks burning even brighter than before.

He holds his hands coyly across his chest and taps his index fingers together in a taunting motion, “You promised me a few hours of your time–or did you forget?”

You narrow your eyes and clutch the book tightly to your chest, as if the damage hasn’t already been done, “A little heads up would have been nice. You can’t just barge in here as you please.”

He swings his legs over the side of the bed and rises, stalking closer to you. You tense as he stops right in front of you and tilts your chin up softly, so your eyes meet his, “I am a busy man. Forgive me, darling.”

He runs his tongue along his teeth with a feline smile as he watches you audibly gulp. 

“Where are we going?” you lamely ask.

He clicks his tongue in his mouth before replying, “Now if I tell you that will ruin all the fun.”

You roll your eyes and jerk yourself out of his hold, “Can you at least tell me what attire would be appropriate?”

“What you’re wearing is fine. But I don’t think green is your color,” he banters.

Your glare speaks louder than words.

“Although,” he grasps your hand in his and brandishes a familiar, silver ring from his pocket, “You seem to have forgotten your little trophy.”

You watch as he slides the ring back onto your thumb. You frown and flick your eyes up towards his, “You can have it back.”

Eris shakes his head, “I’d like it if you wore it–at least throughout your stay here,” he pauses, before continuing, “Can you promise me you won’t take it off again?”

Although the playful glint in his eye remains, it falters for a fraction of a moment, revealing an emotion you can’t quite place your finger on–something dark. But you decide against pushing the subject. You simply nod, and he hums in satisfaction.

“Well let’s get moving then. Unless you’d rather stay here and continue reading your filthy little–”

“I’m moving,” you effectively cut Eris off, willing the blush not to return to your cheeks. You fight the urge to roll your eyes when you feel his gaze on your ass as you exit the cabin. “Are we walking?” you send him a glance over your shoulder.

“Too far,” he falls into step beside you, “We’ll winnow.”

Your shoulders tense, and you are suddenly reminded of the aching in your body from running your magic dry earlier. You halt abruptly and turn to face him fully, “I can’t.”

Eris’s arches a brow in incredulity, “I just heard you winnow not even 10 minutes ago.”

A sheepish smile takes over your face and you reply as nonchalantly as possible, “I’m too tired. I was, erm, blowing off some steam earlier—I don’t think I could even winnow to the other side of the cabin right now.”

His eyes narrow slightly as he analyzes your answer, “Blowing off steam?”

You cringe internally and send the Autumn Court heir a nervous smile, “You know, just winnowing around.” 

His scrutinizing gaze narrows further, “So you were just winnowing around in circles?”

“Yes.”

“And now you can’t winnow anymore?”

“Correct.”

It’s the truth—just not all of it.

Despite your best efforts, you can’t contain your giggle. You didn’t think about how ridiculous it would sound; winnowing around to burn off energy, much like a dog chasing its own tail. As you chuckle quietly to yourself, the playful grin returns to Eris’s face. 

“You’re a strange little thing,” he laughs, and reaches out his hand to you.

You gaze at his waiting hand, and tentatively intertwine your fingers with his before you can talk yourself out of it. A familiar rush of adrenaline surges through you as he winnows you both, the world twisting and folding around you. 

You don’t attempt to contain your gasp at the sight before you. In-between a crowd of beautiful orange and red-leafed trees lies a waterfall unlike any you’ve seen before. In fact, this may very well be the first waterfall you’ve ever seen. It is modestly sized, and flows down several layers of terraced, moss-covered rock; but the beauty, the intoxicating smell, is unlike anything you’ve experienced before. The cherry on top of the cake is the small watermill cottage at the creek bend, just where the water falls off. The scene looks like something out of an art museum. Captivated, you edge towards the water until the mist tickles your nose.

“It’s…breath-taking,” you mumble, vaguely aware of Eris lingering beside you.

While you gaze is fixed on the scene before you, his is set on you. He can’t help but study the way your lips part in awe, your familiar eyes widen in wonderment—like you’re experiencing the world for the first time.

“It is,” he mumbles in response, although his gaze remains trained on you.

He follows you quietly—patiently—as you wander closer to the water’s edge. You run your fingertips along each moss-covered rock, trying to engrain every small detail into your memory. You crouch down to dip your hand into the blue-green water, but jolt back at the frigid temperature. 

“Where are we?” you cock your head to the side, finally peeling your eyes away from the picturesque scene.

Eris leans against a tree, his arms crossed over his chest. The sleeves of his white undershirt billow softly in the breeze. “Up North. Closer to the Winter Court border,” his deep voice rumbles over the sound of the waterfall, “I come here when I need to think.”

“I take it the house is yours?” you gesture towards the small cottage.

“More or less. It was a part of my mother’s estate once; a very long time ago,” he pushes off the tree and stalks closer to you, “It’s not a secret, but it’s…private. When I don’t want to be found, or simply need space, it’s unlikely anyone will look here.”

“Do you hide from your family often?” you hum nonchalantly.

Eris bristles slightly at your question, but replies coolly, “Sometimes. They have a tendency to be…suffocating.”

You know that feeling all too well—but you simply nod, avoiding the slippery slope of divulging your own past.  You sit down on a nearby tree stump, and gaze out at the waterfall as you ask, “Are you close with your brothers?”

He strides towards you and perches himself atop a large boulder, “In some ways, yes. But being heir to the throne doesn’t afford me the luxury of friends.”

You open your mouth to fire yet another question, but he cuts you off with an impish smile, “You’re curious today, Little Bird. It doesn’t seem fair that you know so much about me, and I know so little about you.”

“You know my name. And you choose not to use it,” you counter with an arched brow.

“Would you like me to?” he asks. 

A simple question should afford a simple answer. But for some reason, his query makes the hair on your arms stand on end. You should say yes. You shouldn’t let silly little pet names distract you from the work you’re here to do. Say yes.

“No.”

He hums in satisfaction, and you avoid his gaze by training your eyes back onto the waterfall. From your peripheral, you can see Eris rise from his spot on the boulder. He moves out of your line of vision, and you can hear the rustling of fabric behind you. Your curiosity screams at you to look back; but your stubbornness keeps your head trained forward. 

Suddenly, the rustling stops. Just as you’re about to give into your curiosity and turn around, a nearly-naked Eris bounds past you, towards the water, and dives gracefully in. Your jaw drops as you let out an involuntary squeal, trying (and failing) to shield yourself from the splash.

“Are you insane?” you shriek as soon as his head pops back up out of the water.

He shakes his hair like a dog and wipes a hand over his face with a childish grin. You can’t help but laugh at the sight, causing his toothy grin to widen even further.

“Only slightly,” he retorts, head bobbing as he treads water, “Why don’t you join me?”

You shake your head vigorously, “Absolutely not. I’m not in the mood to freeze to death.”

“Come on, Little Bird. It’s not that cold,” he taunts, “How about we play a game?”

He swims closer and you subconsciously lean forward. A glint of mischief dances in your eyes as you ask, “What sort of game?”

He raises his arms out of the water and folds them across a rock along the edge. You gulp at the sight of his broad shoulders and can’t help but study the way his muscles ripple as he moves. 

“Since you’re so privy to asking me questions,” he drums his fingers along the rock, “I get to ask you five.”

You fold your arms across your chest, “That’s it?”

A devilish grin dances across his lips, “If you fail to answer any question, you join me in here.”

Your eyes narrow into a glare, but your smile betrays you, “Three questions.”

“Four.”

“Fine,” you relent.

Eris wades gently through the water in thought before speaking up again, “What’s your greatest fear?”

Your mouth moves before you brain can catch up, “Being trapped—not like in a traditional claustrophobia sort of way, but in the sense that I can’t do what I want, move as I please.”

Eris’s head tilts as he mulls over your response before asking another question, “What’s your biggest dream?”

Again, your mouth moves with a mind of its own, “I want to travel the world—see every little piece of Prythian, and when I run out of land, explore the seas.”

“I thought your father is a merchant—you don’t travel with him?”

Your heart skips a beat as you realize your misstep. But, like the professional Azriel has trained you to be, you don’t so much as twitch an eye to show your error. “I only travel to the mainland of each Court to do is biddings for him. I haven’t seen much—really anything—beyond that,” you maintain a steady voice as you lie through your teeth, “Two more questions.”

Eris’s eyes narrow slightly as he scans your face. Your answer seems too…rehearsed. But you’ve shown absolutely no indication of lying. Finally, he asks, “What about your mother?”

Your detached exterior falters. Your lips dip ever so slightly into a frown. Eris watches intently. Finally, you muster a response, “She died during Amarantha’s crusade.”

Eris frowns and his head dips slightly—a sign of respect, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Your lips part at the motion. It is extremely uncharacteristic of Autumn Court males to treat females with such respect. In fact, Eris has surprised you with every single one of your interactions. Coming into this, you knew that he wasn’t a typical male, considering he wants Beron dead. But you weren’t quite prepared for just how, well, normal he is.

“Thank you,” you finally reply with sincerity. Your lips curl into a soft smile, one which you don’t have to force, as you change the subject, “Last question.”

 He matches your smile and swims backwards, dipping his hair under water, “I’ve better make it good then.”

You watch as he swims to and fro, taking his sweet time deciding what nonsense he will inevitably throw your way. His questions have been far too calm and calculated thus far; and you haven’t refused one. 

Right on cue, Eris swims towards you with a smile befitting of the devil. You can practically see the flames dancing in his irises, and the pitchfork tail wagging behind him.

“Does the carpet match the drapes?”

You were expecting nonsense. But you aren’t sure if anything could have prepared you for that.

Your face pales and you drop your jaw in utter shock. His is nearly as red as his hair as he tries, and fails, to contain his laughter. Suddenly, the switch flips and you face contorts into disgust.

“You are swine, Eris Vanserra. Filthy, perverted swine,” you screech as you leap from your tree stump.

He howls in laughter, and you want nothing more than to wring his neck. You turn swiftly on your heel and send him a crude gesture over your shoulder as you storm away.

“Oh, come back, Little Bird! I was only teasing,” tears spill from the corners of his eyes as he tries to calm himself down.

You pause and turn back towards him. Your glare is as icy as Nesta’s as you stare at him. He has never looked more like a fox through his snickering laughter. He swims to the edge of the water and beckons you forward. Your feet remain planted in the ground, “You promise?”

Tears of delight well again in his amber eyes as he replies, “Yes. I don’t care if they match.”

Your lips curl into a vicious snarl and you grab a rock, chucking it as hard as you can towards him. He barely dodges the flying stone through his hysterics. “Okay, okay, I promise I’m done now,” he wheezes.

You tap your foot impatiently as you wait for him to calm down. Finally, his manic laughter ceases, and he simply looks at you with a faux apologetic smile.

“Well come on, then.”

You gnaw on your bottom lip with a frown, “I’m not taking off my clothes.”

“If you swim in that dress you’ll drown,” he nods his head at the heavy material, “At least put on my shirt.”

You hesitate as you eye the cream, long-sleeved button-down shirt tossed haphazardly onto the forest floor. You reach down to pick it up and run your hands over the soft linen material. He senses your hesitation and adds, “I’ll turn around, if you’d like.”

Your eyes flick towards him, and true to his word, he turns and swims in the opposite direction. Still, you wait until he’s on the other end of the stream before stepping behind a tree and stripping off your dress. The breeze nips at your bare skin, and you shiver at the sensation. You take off layer after layer until you are left in your bra and panties. You hastily slide into Eris’s shirt and button it up all the way. It provides ample coverage, falling nearly to your knees—but you’re still freezing. And you can’t imagine the water will be any more pleasant. 

“Come on, Little Bird. I won’t wait all day,” Eris whines, the nearness of his voice indicating that he had finished his lap around the water. 

Finally, you step out of the trees. His Adam’s apple bobs at the image of you in his shirt. He doesn’t hide the way his eyes drift, scanning down your bare legs. A blush creeps up your neck, and before he can make a comment about your near nakedness, you set into a sprint and leap.

Your regret your decision before you even hit the water. And you want to kill Eris when you do. 

“It’s fucking freezing!” you wail the second your head breaks through the surface. You wipe the water from your eyes through a series of hyperventilating gasps, your body working hard to generate some kind of warmth. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” you repeat your new mantra over and over again, unwanted tears pricking at the corners of your narrowed eyes.

“Come here,” he beckons you forward.

You shake your head in obstinance.

Eris rolls his eyes at your childlike behavior. He swims towards you in three graceful strokes. You scramble backwards in the water, but he is a much more skilled swimmer than you. 

“Let me help you,” his voice his sweet like honey. You know this is his game—poke and prod until you bleed, and then lick the wounds clean.

You shake your head again and move to swim away, but he lunges before you can escape.

Instant, sweet, warm relief.

You nearly moan as his arms wrap around your body and pull you into his chest. He is hot—literally and figuratively. His chest burns like a furnace, and you wrap your arms around his neck without a second thought, pulling him even closer. You can feel him smiling as you nestle your head into the crook of his neck and wrap your legs around his waist. His legs work hard underneath the surface, keeping you both upright.

“Better?” he coos.

You simply grunt into his shoulder and nod.

His chuckle reverberates through your body, warming you even more. You are puddy in his hands, but right now, you couldn’t care less. You don’t utter a word as you relish in his warmth. The two of you slip into a comfortable silence, filled only by the distant rush of the waterfall and the water lapping up against your bodies. Just as you let your eyes flutter shut, the silence is severed by his rumbling voice.

“As much as I love your sharp tongue, Little Bird, I quite like you like this—sweet, soft, and pliant in my arms.”

You frown at the smugness in his tone and move to push away, but he wraps his arms around you even tighter.

“I’m still upset with you,” you grumble petulantly into his shoulder.

The tension in your shoulders eases as he presses his lips to the top of your head. You involuntarily shudder as he mumbles softly into your hair, “I’m sorry, Little Bird. Can I make it up to you?”

His hands move from underneath your thighs, and you wrap your legs tightly around his hips. Your breath hitches as he slowly trails his hands up over the curve of your hips. You are suddenly aware of how his button-down shirt floats to the surface, leaving your body almost completely exposed under the water. His hands still at the dip of your waist, and he rubs circles into your skin with his thumbs. His left hand leaves, and you flinch as it grazes the side of your neck, gently pushing your hair aside. Your heart beats frantically as he ghosts his lips along your sensitive skin. His open-mouthed kisses become firmer, but remain tentative; as if he’s giving you the opportunity to stop him. 

Slowly, you raise your head from the crook of his neck. Your eyes are wide, pupils blown as your gaze cautiously shifts upwards. You study the rise and fall of his chest, the shift of his jaw, before finally meeting the amber of his eyes. Your noses are millimeters apart—far too close for comfort, but you’re frozen in place.

Your lips part as his left hand reaches upwards again, and he tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Any façade of apathy is long gone as your eyes become a window to your soul: curiosity, trepidation, but above all, an unwavering desire. Your body moves on its own accord as you run your fingers through the hair at the nape of Eris’s neck. The tip of your nose bumps against his, and that’s all it takes for him to lurch forward and close the gap between you.

Your mind typically works in overdrive. But the moment Eris’s lips meet yours, it empties entirely. His lips are impossibly soft as they move against yours in a languid dance. His hand cups the side of your face as he deepens the kiss, and you can’t help but sink into his gentle touch. His lips are smooth against your chapped ones, but you move in sync—like giving breath to fire. His fingers dig slightly into your waist, eliciting a gasp, and he uses the opportunity to slide his tongue into the gap between your lips. You jump at the cold feeling of rock against your back, but he doesn’t miss a beat as he nips softly at your bottom lip. You can feel your heart pounding in your head and your lungs burn from the lack of oxygen, but you can’t bring yourself to pull away.

“Relax, Little Bird,” he mumbles against your lips.

He pulls away but before you can protest the loss, he dips down and latches his lips to your neck. Your own swollen lips part in a silent gasp as he trails kisses down your neck, to your collarbone. You dig your nails into his skin as he nips particularly hard in one spot, and he groans against you. The hand gripping your waist slowly lowers to the curve of your hip, and you suck in a breath. He pauses his movements, and you nearly melt as his eyes flick up to yours. He waits patiently, silently asking for your permission. Your head dips into a nod and before you can process what is happening, his lips are on yours once again and his hand is firmly gripping the curve of your ass. 

This time, you can taste his hunger as he kisses you with fervor. Your head is spinning, and you grip around him tightens as he palms your soft skin underneath the frigid water. He presses you further into the rock behind you, and you freeze as his hand moves up and toys with the lacy fabric at your hips. He slides a finger underneath the band of your panties, and all of a sudden, the fog of desire clouding your mind rises.

“Wait,” you pull away with a gasp.

Even through your inner turmoil, you can’t help but admire the beauty of his tousled crimson hair, wide eyes, and swollen lips. 

His hand stills against your hip, before retreating underneath your knees to hold you up as he did before.

“I’m sorry,” he pants, “I got carried away. If I was moving too fast, I—”

“No,” you cut him off, “You didn’t do anything. You were perfect—I mean,” your decades of reading ancient literature seem to slip away as you scramble for words, “It’s not you. I just haven’t, um, you know…”

He furrows his brows in confusion, but his eyes widen in realization at the flaming, red blush crawling up your neck. The look of surprise on his god-like features makes you want to sink into the cold abyss below and never come up. Instead, you look down at the water lapping up between you two to avoid his gaze.

“I didn’t realize you were saving yourself,” his tone his soft, a contrast to his typically sharp tongue.

The blush creeping up your neck reaches your cheeks as you look up at him again and shake your head, “No, no I’m not. I just, well, I haven’t before. Not because I don’t want to,” you sigh, “I guess the opportunity has just never presented itself.”

You brace yourself for the impact of his teasing, but it never comes. Instead, his usually cold eyes are warm with understanding, and a soft smile tugs at his pink lips.

“No one’s ever touched you before?” he asks with sincerity.

You shake your head and wish the water below you would swallow you whole.

He caresses the side of your face with a feather-light touch that makes you shiver before replying, “It’s not anything to be embarrassed about. I just can’t believe no male has ever pursued you, in all your beauty.”

No man has ever pursued you, because no man has been able. You lived the first twenty years of your life hidden between rows of bookshelves. You spent the next decade hidden in the House of Wind, and since then, you’ve only left Velaris with the sole intent of business with other courts. But you can’t tell Eris all of this. You can’t tell him that you’ve never had sex before because, despite their good intention, Mor and Rhys have kept you under their thumbs for the entirety of your adult life. You can’t tell him how you desire, more than anything else, to break out of their mold. 

So instead, you say, “I want you to show me.”

Eris stares at you, his eyes swimming with an emotion you can’t quite put your finger on. You wait with bated breath, but he doesn’t move. Before you can talk yourself out of it, you lunge forward and pull him closer with your arms around his neck. The moment your lips reconnect, any thought in the back of your mind about your mission, your purpose for being here in the first place, dissipates entirely.

He groans at the feeling of your lips against his and wraps his arms tightly underneath your thighs. You barely feel the world twisting and folding as he winnows you out of the water. A wave of heat rushes over you and you can feel your whole body dry, but he doesn’t miss a beat as he carries you in his arms and runs his tongue along your bottom lip. Eris lays you down onto something soft, and you whine as he pulls away. Your eyes flutter open and your mouth sets into a pout, but for the first time, you notice the change in scenery.

You’re in a cabin—more accurately, on a plush bed in a cabin. But this cottage is much larger than what you’ve grown accustomed to in the woods.

“Patience, Little Bird,” Eris’s voice is thick with desire as he crawls on top of you. He nudges a knee between your legs, and you part them without a second thought.

He wears a smug smile as he dips down. You lurch forward to kiss him again, but he merely hovers a few inches above you, just out of your reach. You try again, this time tugging on the back of his neck to pull him down. But he simply won’t budge.

“Don’t be a prick,” you grumble, frustration boiling under your skin.

He laughs, and the sound makes something churn deep in your gut.

“Tell me where you want me, Birdie,” Eris rasps.

You frown, but you are too stunned to speak. You desperately want to wipe the smug grin off his face, but the words just won’t come out.

“Here?” he hums, rubbing his thumb along your bottom lip, “Or here?” his hand trails down your neck, to the curve of your breast. You hold your breath as he lightly drags his fingernails down to your stomach, pushing aside his shirt, “Am I getting closer?” he muses as he traces the band of your panties.

You dig your nails into his shoulders and whisper, “I want you to kiss me.”

Eris hums in approval and swoops down, reconnecting your lips once more. Your teeth bump slightly with the force of the kiss and your lips slide sloppily against his. You reach between your bodies and grab his hand, pressing it back against your abdomen before sliding it up. 

“I want you everywhere,” you mumble against his lips.

He releases a guttural moan into your mouth. Eris doesn’t give you a moment to think twice as he flips your bodies around so that his back is against the headboard of the bed, and you are straddling his lap. You move to unbutton his undershirt which still engulfs your body, but he swats your hands away. You gasp into his mouth as he swiftly rips the shirt open, sending buttons flying across the room. You let him push the material off your shoulders, and shiver as the air tickles your nearly bare body. His hands slowly, teasingly wrap around your waist, simultaneously pulling you closer and unclasping your bra. His lips slow against yours as he drags the flimsy material over your shoulders and down your arms, exposing your breasts to him.

Eris pulls his lips away from yours and gazes down at your bare chest. You are unable to will away the flush crawling up your neck as he caresses the curve of your breasts and runs his thumbs over your peaked nipples. His forehead falls against yours and he whispers against your lips, “You are perfect.”

His head dips down towards your breasts and his amber eyes flick up to yours, “May I?”

You can only nod weakly in response.

Your eyes flutter shut as he wraps his lips around your left nipple and flicks his thumb across your right. Your belly throbs at the sensation, and you shift in his lap. You jolt as your core presses against his groin, and a small smile tugs at your lips as you realize he is hard as a rock. You shift your hips again, rubbing against him, and you both moan in unison at the pleasure that shoots up your spines.

“Did your filthy little books teach you that?” he groans against your left breast before switching to your right.

You dig your nails sharply into his shoulders but continue grinding against him. His free hand grips your waist, setting a steady rhythm. Your hands trail down his shoulders, and you scrape your fingernails down his chest as you explore the firmness of his abdomen. Eris presses one last open-mouthed kiss to your breast before pulling off. You don’t give him a moment to catch his breath as you cup his face with your hands and pull him up, crashing your lips against his again. His taste is intoxicating, and you just can’t seem to get enough of it.

His hands snake around your waist and he grips your ass, squeezing the soft flesh and grinding you against him even harder. Your hands dip down from his abs to the band of his underwear. You lazily graze your hand along the material, dipping your fingers underneath teasingly. Just as you’re about to reach your hand inside, he firmly grips your wrist and flips your bodies once again so you are lying flat on your back.

“As much as I would love to have your hand wrapped around my cock,” Eris presses a taunting kiss to the corner of your lips, “This is all about you, Little Bird.”

You watch the rise and fall of your bare chest as he lowers himself down the length of your body. His trails open-mouthed kisses down your neck, between your breasts, until he reaches the band of your panties. You suck in a breath as his eyes flick up to yours, and his fingers toy with the lace trim.  

“Is this okay?” he whispers, fighting the smile tugging at his lips.

You nod dumbly.

You yelp as he hooks his arms around your thighs and tugs you down towards the edge of the bed. He runs a hand teasingly along your leg, up to your inner thigh. 

“Tell me what you want, Little Bird,” he teases as he touches every part of your exposed body, except where you need him most.

You whine and wriggle your hips, but he firmly holds you in place. He cocks a brow expectantly as he softly caresses your inner thigh.

“I want you,” you whimper, “I want you between my legs.”

Eris hums and latches his lips onto the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, sucking harshly before running his tongue along the same spot, “Here?”

Your face is flaming with embarrassment. Your core is throbbing, and you’re positive there’s a wet patch on the center of your panties. You shake your head, tears of frustration pricking at your eyes. 

He nudges a thumb underneath the band of your panties, “Am I getting warmer?”

You want to kick him, but you nod your head instead obediently. He presses his thumb directly on your clit through the wet spot on your panties, and you cry out at the sensation.

“I need words, Little Bird,” he presses his thumb harder.

Your thighs are shaking, and your desperation finally betrays you as a tear slips out of the corner of your eye.

“I want you on my cunt,” your voice trembles as you speak, “I want your fingers, your mouth, your tongue, I want it all. Please.”

His eyes darken, and a vicious smile curls onto his lips as he finally yanks the flimsy material down your legs and tosses it aside. He doesn’t give you a second to process the fact that you are completely bare for him as he runs a finger through you, admiring how your wetness collects at his fingertips. You nearly cry in relief as he finally presses the pad of his thumb directly onto your clit. Pleasure shoots up your spine as he flicks his thumb over the sensitive bundle of nerves, and you bite your lip to stifle a moan.

“Don’t be shy, darling. I want to hear how good I’m making you feel,” he purrs.

This time, you don’t stop the cry that bubbles in your throat as he increases the speed of his thumb and traces his other hand over your slick. He slides his middle finger over your entrance and pushes just his fingertip inside, his thumb continuously moving in a steady rhythm.

“Don’t tease. Please,” you beg, every ounce of self-respect left behind in that frigid stream.

He smirks and sinks his middle finger into you. You throw your head back with a moan as he curls it inside, pressing against a spot you had no idea even existed.

“I think you were made for me, Bird,” he mumbles as he slowly thrusts his finger inside of you, “I wish you could see the way your sweet cunt just sucks me in.”

You cover your face with the crook of your elbow to hide your embarrassment, but pull it away with a jolt as his teeth sink into your thigh; a warning.

He stops thrusting his finger, and instead curls it inside of you repeatedly, sending ripples of pleasure through your gut as he continuously stimulates that spot deep inside of you. A filthy squelching sound fills the room, but you too far past the point of self-consciousness to care.

Just as the tension starts to build in your gut, he pulls both of his hands away abruptly. You whine at the loss and look down just in time to meet his eyes as he runs his tongue in a long swipe up from your entrance to your clit. You cry out at the sensation unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. He moans against you, and the vibration makes your toes curl.

“You taste divine,” he rasps against you.

His tongue flicks against your clit, and you pant through uneven breaths. Your hands grasp at the sheets, desperately searching for something to stabilize yourself, and you throw your head back as he latches his lips over your bundle of nerves, sucking harshly. He sharply slaps your thigh and mumbles against your cunt, “Eyes on me.”

You all but melt as you glance down and meet his lust-filled gaze. His amber eyes don’t leave yours as he eats you out like a man starved. Your core continuously throbs, sending wave after wave of pleasure up your spine. You run your fingers through his crimson locks, pushing him against you even further, and he hums in approval.

You feel like you’ve been transported to another planet. And just when you think you couldn’t possibly take anymore, he runs a finger up your slit and sinks it back inside of you.

“Eris,” you mewl as he thrusts his finger while his tongue continues its ministrations against your clit.

He releases a guttural moan against you and curls his finger harshly against your spongy walls.

“Say my name again,” he murmurs against your slick before continuing, never missing a beat.

“Eris,” you moan as you feel the tension rapidly building in your groin.

“Again,” he groans, flicking his tongue even faster.

The pressure in your gut is almost too much, and you grip onto his hair for dear life as you chant his name like a mantra, “Eris, Eris, Eris.”

Which each utterance of his name, he curls his finger inside you. Your chanting is close to sobbing as the pressure builds, and builds, until the coil finally snaps.

Your vision blurs and you all but scream at the ecstasy coursing through your veins. You feel like you’re floating as waves of unbridled pleasure roll through your body, the tension in your gut finally coming to a head. Eris continues his ministrations as he rides you through your climax, until your legs spasm and your hips jolt at the hypersensitivity. He presses one last kiss to your core before slowly removing his hands. You can only watch in awe as he sucks his fingers into his mouth, licking every last drop of your slick from his hands.

Sweat beads at your forehead and your bare chest rises and falls rapidly as you come down from your high, slowly coming back to reality. His touch is gentle as he rises back up and lays beside you. You don’t protest as he pulls you into his chest and wipes away the tear trailing down your face. He presses his lips against your forehead and mumbles against you, “You did so well, darling.”

You rest your head against his chest and allow his warmth and the steady beat of his heart to calm you down. His fingers comb through your hair and scrape against your scalp in a soothing manner. You gaze shyly up at him, and find his eyes already trained on you. You wrap an arm around his chest and he pulls you closer, placing a sweet kiss on your chapped lips. You can taste yourself against him, and the thought makes you shiver. Your leg shifts between his thighs, and you can feel the hardness of his groin pressing up against you.

“What about you?” your voice is scratchy as you whisper against his lips.

Eris simply smiles down at you and presses his lips to your forehead, “Baby steps, Little Bird. Don’t worry about me—this was about you.”

Your heart melts at his words, and you can’t fight the small smile tugging at your lips. You rest your head in the crook of his neck and fall into a comfortable silence. The waterfall sounds through the walls of the cottage in the distance like a peaceful lullaby. 

“Thank you,” you whisper shyly, eyes flicking up towards his.

He wears his foxlike grin as he stares back down at you, “For what?”

Your lips graze his jaw as you speak, “For showing me all of this. For letting me be selfish.”

Amber eyes smile kindly at you, “Don’t ever thank me,” he says simply.

He continues his gentle stroking of your hair, and your eyes flutter shut as you marvel at how your body fits against his like a mold. 

You should feel guilty. Guilty for betraying your family. Dirty for putting your selfish desires above your loyalty to your court. But you can’t ignore how right it feels to be wrapped up in your supposed enemy’s arms. 

You know the panic will soon wash over you. But for now, you allow yourself to indulge in the marvelous incredulity of it all as you fall into a peaceful sleep to the steady beat of Eris’s heart.  

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

taglist:

@lilah-asteria @goldenmagnolias @myromanempiree @i-know-i-can @hannzoaks @olive-main @rcarbo1

[lovelettersforthedamned]

ugh I love the way you write frat Peter <3333 am thinking of how he would react when his frat brothers flirt with his girl jus to rile him up - ❄️❄️

A Little Reminder

--genre: fluff, slight smut, MINORS DNI.

--pairing: frat!tasm!peter parker x f!reader

--word count: 1.4k

--warnings: language, kisses, slight smut, mention of hickeys, fluff!!!

love this request! i have something similar (more angsty) if you want more, "Let Me Be There, Let Me Be Yours".

You were drained, to say the least. Your last lecture wiped you out, followed by a tutoring session to bring up your plummeting English Literature grade. Peter’s the one to blame for that one. Sure, you scheduled an early morning class knowing that it would be hard to get there, but Peter keeping you hostage in bed also didn’t help. 

As you walk back to your apartment, you’re mentally cursing him knowing that you’ll realistically not do anything about it. With your headphones blocking out the world around you, your only goal was to get home and to Peter. Your bed calls out for you. 

Switching songs, an arm is suddenly wrapped around your shoulders, making you jump out of your skin. Pulling off one side of your headphones, you look towards the person whose arm is around you, finding one of Peter’s frat brothers grinning widely at you. You barely have time to deal with whatever is going on, but still decide to play along not to seem rude, “Bryce, what the fuck is going on?”

“Oh nothing,” he replied nonchalantly, his arm still on your shoulders, “ just walking you home, that’s all.” His tone still holds one of a joke, but now that you’re approaching your apartment he still doesn’t give up.

You can’t help but laugh and scoff, you wonder how long he’ll keep this up. Ducking out of his hold, you stand in front of him, “I didn’t ask you to do that, but thank you so much for your generosity, Bryce. Your heart must be so so big!” You bring a hand up to his shoulder and pat it a few times, “I’ll make sure to tell Pete about this. Just to let him know how caring you are.”

“You do that, (Y/N)! I cannot wait to hear back from him,” his smile is wide still, but sarcasm drips off of his tongue. 

You start to walk up the stairs to your building, waving Bryce goodbye as you giggle to yourself. He’s going to get an earful the next time he sees Peter. 

****

“Hi, Pete! I’m home,” you call out as you close and lock the door behind you. It doesn’t take long before you hear heavy footsteps approach you from the bedroom, Peter’s disheveled state greeting you. He’s shirtless, his boxers the only thing on his body, but you’re not complaining. Peter’s even wearing his glasses, which is a rarity recently. You’ve noticed he only wears them around you. 

As he approaches you, he takes your school bag and your headphones, placing them on the couch before he envelopes you in a bone-crushing hug. You breathe in his scent, the natural musk combined with his body wash makes you melt. Your ear is placed directly on his heart, the rhythmic beat acting as a lullaby. You look up at him again, craving to see him in his glasses again to see that he’s already looking at you. You stand on your toes to reach his lips, catching him off guard in a kiss that he quickly gets accustomed to. His lips are slightly chapped. 

Pulling away he sighs, giving your lips one more quick peck, “How was class, bug?” Brushing a piece of hair that fell into your eyes away, he holds the side of your face. 

“It was long and boring,” you close your eyes, the mere thought of it reeling in another wave of exhaustion, “but guess who I ran into on the way home?” You pull away from his hold to walk over to the kitchen, Peter following loosely behind you. There are a few beats of silence as he goes through the list of who it could be, but he soon gives up with a sigh. “Bryce fucking Quinn,” you reveal.

He leans against the cabinet as you reach into the fridge for a bottle of water, his eyes widening, “I haven’t seen him in a while. How is he?” 

“He’s good,” you open the cap and take a sip, before dropping the bomb on him, “he’s very nice.”

This sparks Peter’s interest, his head cocking to the side as his brows furrowed in confusion, “Oh really?” Your impression of him shocks him. He knows Bryce Quinn to be a jokester, he’s never taken anything seriously, and if he did, it was always because it was part of a running bit that he carried. 

You smirk as you take another sip, trying not to reveal how amused you are, “Yeah, he even walked me home! He even threw his arm over me to make sure I got here safe.” You leave Peter to go into the bathroom, the sudden urge to pee coming over you.

Peter’s once relaxed demeanor was now one of rigid shock, he once again followed you. “What do you mean ‘threw his arm over you’?” You’re sitting on the toilet when Peter opens the door and stands directly in front of you, looking for answers. 

“You need me to answer that right now?”

“Well,” he doesn’t see anything wrong with asking right now, “when else am I gonna ask you?” He’s dead serious too. 

Reaching for the toilet paper, you gather a few pieces, “Maybe when I’m not actively on the toilet?” 

He finally comes to his senses as he turns around, facing the wall, and leaving you to do your business. “It’s not like I haven’t seen every part of you before,” he adds, before turning back around when he hears the toilet flush and the sink run as you wash your hands. 

Washing your hands, you look into the mirror only to see Peter behind you, giving you a scare. “If you’re really worried about this babe, you know you shouldn’t,” you dry your hands off on the towel next to the sink. Turning around to face your worried and slightly angry boyfriend, you reach up to hold his face, his head slightly flinching away from your cold hands, you giggle, “Shit, sorry!” 

Pulling down his face, you kiss his lips, wrapping your arms around his neck as his hands find their home on your waist. The kiss slowly gets needier, causing Peter’s hands to lower down to under your thighs, hoisting you onto the counter, his arms caging you in as he places both of his hands on either side of your head. Your fingers are weaving themselves in his hair, slightly tugging on it, causing a soft moan to escape his lips. You pull away, his lips chasing yours as you back away. “Peter,” you whine. 

He’s not listening, his only objective was connecting your lips again. He’s panting as he responds, his voice breathy, “Yeah, baby?” You can’t help but smirk at his current state. It seems like he forgot all about your previous conversation. 

As you tilt your head back and forth to look into his eyes, he follows. His lips are desperate for your touch, and it shows. You grab his chin, forcing him to look into your eyes, “Don’t be too hard on Bryce when you see him next.” 

Peter groans as he tilts his head back away from your touch, a breathy chuckle leaving him, “Why are we still talking about Bryce when I’m so close to taking you back to bed?” 

You blush at his response, “I’m just saying…I don’t need to be the damsel in distress when it comes to you, Petey.” Peter brings his hands down to scoop under your thighs once again, pulling you up to his chest, making you wrap both your arms and legs around him to not fall, a big smile on your face.

“Oh, bug,” he starts to walk to your bedroom, “you’re never the damsel in distress. But sometimes they need a little reminder that you aren’t theirs to play with, are you?” You shake your head in response, the heat in your cheeks starting to pool lower on your body. “And sometimes they forget that,” he places you gently on the bed. 

Peter can’t help but admire you as you lay in front of him. Pulling off his glasses and tossing them to the side, he kneels on the bed to kiss you again, leaving a few marks on your neck to serve as a physical reminder to those around you. Bryce is so fucked. 

--author's note: I LOVE FRAT!PETER AND I'M SO HAPPY YOU LOVE HIM TOO ❄️ ANON!!!!!! this got a little spicy at the end and i'm so sorry i have no idea what happened LMAOO. don't forget to like, comment, and reblog. my 300 follower celebration is happening now, so don't forget to send things in!! rules are pinned to my blog!!! ok, ily bye <333

[yet-another-heathen]

On the topic of realistic conditioning/deconditioning,

If the trigger is something whumpee wouldn't hear often when they're with caretaker but whumpee still wants to break it because they might hear it elsewhere (like kneel being taken as a command)

Would whumpee ask caretaker to casually trigger them so they have the opportunity to challenge it in their own head and in a safe place? Would this be a good idea for recovery?

And of course being there with the praise everytime whumpee makes just a little bit of progress, or comfort when they don't.

Heads up, anon: your ask was an EXCEPTIONALLY good one, and I ended up writing another mini TED talk (~3-4 min read) in response. Thank you so much for sending it in!

...on Conditioned Whumpees - Part 3

[ Part 1 - Part 2 ]

That is a very, very good idea! You're spot on with all of it, particularly operating in a safe environment where whumpee is ultimately calling the shots. Having that comfort/support readily available will make a huge difference in how well whumpee can tackle the matter. And while the process isn't fun, approaching desensitization with this much intent is much, much more likely to result in success.

I can offer a few pointers that can add another few layers of realism, as well as some other things to think about while tailoring it to your story:

if whumpee is actively working through their conditioning in this way, memories of their trauma will become closer to the surface. As a result, all of their other PTSD symptoms will be elevated during the course of their practice sessions, as well as for at least a few weeks after.

flashbacks are a very common experience during times like this. engaging with triggers like this is going to cause their flashbacks to become more frequent and intense.

during such flashbacks, it is almost a given that whumpee's mind and body will enter a similar state to the one it was in during the time when the flashback was taking place. By that I mean that the fear they felt in that moment, where it was physically located in their body, will echo into their body in the present moment. Same goes for other all other emotions, and sometimes even phantom aches surrounding any injuries they received at the time...

while the emotions tend to be identical to the ones felt during the trauma, in my experience, the pain comes out distorted in a similar way to the way it does in dreams: less intense, and more "blurry" and imprecise in location. When we say that someone having a flashback is "reliving the moment", we mean that their body literally feels as though they're in the same immediate danger that it was in back then.

this is true even though they'll be aware to at least some degree that they're presently with caretaker and safe.

the flashbacks don't always happen immediately after the conditioning trigger is used. Often they flare up hours or days later, sometimes without warning, sometimes as a result of encountering a different flashback trigger. The whumpee's thresholds for what counts as a trigger will drop, which is part of what causes the flashbacks to happen more often. Something they could normally ignore is going to affect them much more while they're like this.

your whumpee is more likely to experience severe mood swings while in this heightened state. Especially feelings like irritability, frustration, anger, loneliness, and grief. This stuff ain't pretty, folks. Even your sweet cinnamon bun is most likely going to lash out at someone as a result.

PTSD episodes are also exhausting. your whumpee is going to feel mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. And, to add insult to injury, being tired amplifies the emotions listed above.

Now all of this said, your whumpee may or may not know that this is to be expected. If they've worked on processing their trauma before this, they'll have figured out that one often leads to the other. They'll go into the deconditioning practice knowing this is coming, and will approach it carefully, but with a fairly level head. Knowing that it'll suck, but they'll come out the other side okay.

If not, they're in for a rather nasty surprise.

For the latter, they will feel at first that the deconditioning practice is making everything worse. They're suddenly struggling the way they did when the trauma was fresher, and it can be tempting to stop and refuse to touch it again because the mental/emotional pain gets so intense.

If they do give up at this stage, it will make trying again far more daunting in the future.

But the trauma being stirred up is actually a sign that it's helping. It means that the whumpee is starting to process what happened to them, which is a fundamental step in being able to heal.

Note: All throughout the process, crying is a very good thing. It lets them physically get rid of a lot of the brain chemicals associated with these surges of emotion. Letting themselves cry over things they couldn't cry about back then can actually help them let go of those feelings in a similar way to if they'd been able to process them in the moment. [Which is the basis for much of EMDR, a specialized tool used in trauma therapy.]

Okay. So now we know what other effects can cascade from the actual deconditioning practice, now we have some things to consider.

First off, what time parameters are whumpee and caretaker working within while deconditioning? There are three basic options:

they sit down together and practice repeatedly using the trigger for [X amount of time; usually <45m at once] back to back. Once that time is up, caretaker will no longer use the trigger at all, the excercise will end, and they'll get up to do something else.

whumpee sets a specific window of time [X number of hours] within which caretaker will use the trigger word at random points. Once that time has elapsed, the exercise is over.

over the course of days, caretaker uses the trigger word at random points without giving warning. the excercise only stops after being ended by whumpee.

Now why is that important? Because of something called hypervigilance. It is another symptom of PTSD which, to put it into the simplest words, is whumpee waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's a heightened state of tension and wariness in which whumpee is expecting that something bad is going to happen, and is constantly searching for any sign to indicate when it's coming.

It is beyond exhausting.

Imagine knowing that someone is about to slap you as hard as they can, and you have to sit there with your eyes closed, waiting for it. The breath-holding, the flinchiness, the rigid tension in your body as you strain to listen for when they're coming.

Only now, stretch that moment out into hours. Days. Weeks. That is hypervigilance.

A hypervigilant whumpee is not going to be able to relax. Or rest. Or decompress. Or readily trust much of anything around them. They're MUCH more likely to flinch at sudden movements/sounds. They might start biting their nails or showing other signs of nervousness and distress.

These methods above have a gradually increasing chance of setting off whumpee's hypervigilance. If they know exactly when the next trigger is coming, as in example 1, then their 'waiting for it' tension will be low. But the more uncertain they become of exactly when it's going to happen, as in examples 2 & 3, the worse the hypervigilance is going to get.

The trade off is that the later examples are more effective in desensitizing them toward the trigger. The more their practice mimics encountering an unexpected trigger in day-to-day life, the easier it will be to fall back on that desensitization when the time comes.

Therefore, it would be a very good idea for a whumpee who's new to this to start with number 1, then gradually progress to 2 & 3 as time goes on. They should be the one to decide when the next step is made, and if/when they need to dial it back.

Other questions to ask yourself while plotting:

how mentally prepared is whumpee for worsening symptoms? what about caretaker? did either of them know it was coming?

how much of this heightened PTSD stress can your whumpee take before it becomes too much? how do they react when they do hit that tipping point?

if caretaker feels that whumpee is getting too distressed during practice even though they're not tapping out, would they call it off themself? Or would they ultimately leave that decision to whumpee?

based on the answer, how would whumpee feel about caretaker's decision? Relieved? Belittled? Betrayed?

does whumpee have any grounding tools they can use while practicing?

how does caretaker handle the mood swings and instability that come with whumpee's heightened PTSD? You should consider both their internal and external reactions on the matter.

how does whumpee prefer to decompress after a practice session? what things would help them calm down and recover?

how long do they need (hours or days) before the next attempt?

Even with all I've just written, there's far more to the resulting hightened state of PTSD than flashbacks and hypervigilance. PTSD symptoms that they're most likely to encounter in the background while doing deconditioning practice include:

Flinchiness, anxiety, panic attacks, nightmares, exhaustion, emotional mood swings, outbursts, crying spells, depression, executive dysfunction, dissociation, numbness, racing thoughts, freeze responses, tremors, inappetence, muscle tension, and heart palpitations.

Yes, usually many of them at once, even those that contradict. Your whumpee is going to have a LOT going on at once, and it is not going to be a fun time. I recommend looking up any of the above symptoms you don't recognize, and looking for whump inspiration in what you learn.

(Because everyone experiences PTSD episodes differently, there's a lot of wiggle room in which ones whumpee will encounter. Don't feel pressured to use all of them, find what you want to write and have fun with it!)

Thanks again for the incredible ask, anon. And again, I want to congratulate you on how spot-on your original ask was. You nailed it. I know this was a lot more than you asked for, but I hope this provides helpful context for your whump! My inbox will always be open if you think of anything more <3

[cyborg-franky]

Thank you @tenzeniths for the support and I hope you enjoy this <3<3 Marco, Ace, Thatch, Izou [POLYAM] x GN Reader with chronic fatigue SFW WC: 1,500

You hated how you felt all the time, your body betraying you at every chance it got You felt tired, exhausted daily. Before you’d taken to the sea it hadn’t been so bad, more of a mild inconvenience but now you were part of one of the strongest and most notorious crews in the world. You really, really noticed it and you knew everyone else could tell you struggled.

Could see how you’d be okay one moment, your normal cheerful self and helping around the place. Either in Marco’s office helping with paperwork or with patients. Helping Thatch in the kitchen with dishes or cooking. You’d go on a mission with Ace, sitting alongside him on his Striker as you checked out a nearby island. Or when you helped Izou teach his division skills on the battlefield. 

But after a few hours, sometimes not even that, you’d feel all your energy drained, your ability to keep up, pay attention, or even stand just depleted, and you’d curse yourself and your body for being so useless and weak. You knew you couldn’t help it but that still didn’t make you feel any better. You didn’t feel like an equal to any of your wonderful partners.

Marco

He understood it better than the others. After all he was a doctor. Whenever Marco saw you flagging, the tell-tail signs you were struggling. If you weren’t working with him at the time, and he saw you starting to lose all momentum, he’d ask for your help.

Anything to get you in the office and sat down. He didn’t want you to get hurt where you couldn’t concentrate.

If you were already working with him when you started to feel the fatigue hit, chances were Marco knew before you even felt it fully hit.

“Come sit on the couch,” he’d say with his hands on your shoulders, rubbing soft circles with his thumbs as you sighed, the sound heavy as you looked up at his lop-sided smile and kind eyes. “I’m fine Marco,” you’d fight him on it, not wanting to feel you couldn’t even do something as simple as sitting at a desk and reading.  “It’s just paperwork,” 

He clicked his tongue and gave you a tsk knowing he was going into doctor mode any second. “It’s still mentally taxing. There is no shame in needing a break yoi.” He said, voice firm as he gently rocked you, urging you to leave the chair and go do as you were told.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” You mumbled and rubbed your forehead, feeling the agitation at yourself growing as you stood. “Don’t be sorry, it’s a medical condition and as much as I appreciate you trying your best, I don’t want you pushing yourself baby bird,” He said and kissed your forehead, leading you to the sofa sitting you down.

“I feel useless,” you added as he fussed over you, getting a blanket to drape over you. “Not useless, never useless yoi.” Marco brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “You keeping me company, that’s all I need.”

“Really?” “Yes, I promise.”

Marco had a way of calming you down. You soon settled and felt yourself drift off into a well-needed nap.

---

Thatch

Less chill about things than Marco.

Will 100% be on your ass about have you eaten today? Do you need a snack? What about water? Are you staying hydrated?

Thatch is the actual mother hen of the four.

If he wasn’t satisfied with the answer, he’d give you this look, tapping his foot but you knew he meant well.

You’d been helping out around the deck that afternoon, trying to at the very least. You sighed and slumped against the mast as you closed your eyes and tried to stop the lightheaded feeling rushing through you as you gripped the handle of the mop tighter, something to ground yourself as you tried to shut the world out. 

You could feel it, the way your energy just drained. You’d felt so good this morning that you’d fooled yourself into thinking you could do everything. But now you were paying for such a bold claim as mopping the deck, which had well and truly sapped all you had moments ago.

“Hey pumpkin.” You opened your eyes to see Thatch, and he had a worried expression on his face as he folded his arms over his chest and examined you. “How ya feelin’?” He asked as you shrugged your shoulders. “I’m fine,”

He tsked and gave you a scrutinizing gaze as you practically wobbled in front of him. 

“Come get something to eat,” 

“I’m fine,” you were stubborn, a trait many of the Whitebeard pirates shared. Thatch sighed and dropped his arms by his sides before he lifted you up effortlessly, slinging you over his shoulder and ignoring your protests.

Soon you were sat in the kitchen as Thatch made you a sandwich, making sure there were veggies and protein to help you perk up. 

“You didn’t have to,” you mumbled, feeling bad as he’d obviously spent most of the afternoon prepping for dinner tonight. “I know, but I wanted to.” he gave one of his classic broad grins and handed you the plate, kissing your forehead. “I gotta look after you. The others would kick my ass if I didn’t right?” he said, chuckling and ruffling your hair as he looked at you with such adoration.

After that you were given a chair and helped him do some lowkey little effort chores so you felt useful but it wasn’t too much.

--

Ace

People assumed Ace wouldn’t understand what you were going through. They thought that he was young and so full of energy that he couldn’t possibly relate.

Except, he could.

The times he’d wear himself out [granted, it took way more than it did for you] he would be overwhelmed with the need to sleep and just pass out in random places.

A type of exhaustion-based narcolepsy Marco had explained.

You both could see the signs in one another and as much as you wouldn’t wish anything bad on people, let alone someone you loved, it was comforting to have someone in a similar camp as yourself.

You could feel your feet dragging, feeling the aches in your body and were aware your mood was starting to dip lower and lower as your ability to cope with the day whittled away. 

Ace walked over and saw you looking frazzled.

You could tell Ace wasn’t much better. He didn’t have his mischievous glimmer in his eyes, his dark circles prominent and the smile on his face was a shadow of a smirk. His posture was slouched and lazy as he nodded to you.

“Do I look as tired as I feel?” you asked with a sigh and collapsed against his chest, feeling arms around you as he used you to prop himself up as much as you needed him. “Worse,” he laughed and kissed your head.

“Maybe we need to get you to bed,” Ace hummed, running a hand down your back. “Ace.” you looked up at him, giving him a look. 

Ace scoffed and rolled his eyes, pulling away enough to see the frown on your face. “Not for anythin’ like that. Although…” he trailed off until you jabbed him in the side. “I’m kiddin’!”

“A nap, just a little power nap to get us through till tonight, huh?”

Now, that did sound nice…

“Oh Portgas, you tease…” You sighed and let him pull you away to his room, where you both promptly fell onto his bed, embraced by the soft pillows and tangled messy sheets.

Neither of you had even managed to take off your shoes as you cuddled together to recharge.

--

Izou

Izou was much more ‘tough love’ than your other partners.

But even so, he tried his best to understand and learn about your illness. Knowing you couldn’t help it any more than someone with a broken leg could.

He was more of a fan of ‘preventative’ measures. Seeing you exhausted and fighting to stand up was hard for him, unsure how to deal with it in a positive way without feeling he was being condescending or coddling you.

So you’d have these little tea sessions and pamper evenings with him. 

“This one is said to relax your body and mind, makes rest all the more revitalizing,” he said and poured you a tea as you sat across from him with a facemask on, feet in a tub of warm water with all sorts of oils and herbs.

You weren’t sure how much of these things would really work but it was nice to be so cared for and doted on. This was Izou’s way of doing his best to show he cared and wanted to help.

“Tastes… bitter?” you said, slapping your lips together. “All the best remedies taste bad,” Izou countered as he sat down and sipped his own, making a happy sound as he closed his eyes. 

The room was nice. His room always smelt like incense and flowers, and the colours he’d chosen to decorate his space with were also calming. You felt good here, felt good with him.

“How do you feel?” he asked as he watched you, taking in all your little movements and reactions as you basked in comfort.

“I feel good, I feel like I’m recharging.” you watched the smile grace his face as he nodded. “Good,”

[rubyuji]

Treat (Kim Mingyu) ୧ ‧₊˚ 🍰 ⋅ ☆

“So Y/n, I see you noticed the cute baker in the kitchen. Any plans on getting to know him?” °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Genre: Fluff

AU: University!au

Pairing: Culinary Student!Baker!Mingyu x Medical Student!reader

Warnings: None just tooth-rotting fluff

Synopsis: An average medical student getting by who meets the cute baker from the small bakery across the street in front of her university.

Note: This used to be a TXT fic but I edited it and now it’s a Mingyu fic because I have a bunch of wips that I’m dying to finish. Here’s something for me to post at least, happy reading! As always, don’t forget to like + reblog as a way to support.

WC: 5.4k

Being a medical student was a pain in the ass and was way worse than how people would describe it, it cost money, time as well as your mental and emotional stability. It’s not like anyone would want to study the anatomy of a human in a dull lecture hall with like forty other people, or know how a whiff of a cigarette could even kill you.

Yet here you were, already going the works of med school, and there was no turning back from it all, because although you were passionate, you still had a limit to how much you could take, even if you had always dreamed of becoming a pediatrician to keep you motivated.

“Oh my God Jihyo, I don’t think I’m ready to take this exam. I’m probably going to flunk this semester and I’ll be stuck as a receptionist in scrubs at a local clinic if I don’t get my head straight” you say tearfully.

Your friend Jihyo chuckled as she patted your back comfortingly, assuring you that you would do just fine and that you had already done enough studying the past few days. You weren’t stupid, just dramatic.

“You’ll be fine Y/n, don’t worry about it otherwise you will start to feel even worse. You’ve studied like crazy so it would be insane if you didn’t do so well, like you always do” she smiled softly in reply.

You shoot Jihyo a weak smile back and sigh once again, at least one of your best friends kept you somewhat sane, you couldn’t say the same for your appearance though. With heavy eyebags and eyes that looked as hollow as your soul, anyone would probably mistake you for a psych ward patient if you were caught walking around by yourself.

“Thanks, and good luck to us once we step into the exam hall. We’re gonna need it, me especially” you sigh after gathering the rest of the materials you’ll need for the exam itself.

When an hour passed, the exam completely drained you of all the life you had left. You stepped out of the exam hall with Jihyo groggily. You just wanted to go home and sleep all your problems away, but if you were already struggling as a freshman, how much more would you be in the future knowing you still had thirteen more years to go?

“Is it too late to change careers and become a full-time sugar baby or stripper?” You ask your friend and roommate, Rosé, who was just as drained as you were.

“I don’t think so. Let’s go on that sugar baby website” she chimed back in exhaustion. Chungha laughed at you both on the couch before setting down a pizza on the coffee table in front of you, along with a few drinks and a huge bottle of coke.

“Cheer up ladies, we’ll get through all of this before you know it. Now eat up, the food’s getting cold” Chungha hissed.

You and Rosé helped yourselves without another word, the three of you scarfing down all the food and complaining about midterms just to get your system going.

In the middle of the conversation, Rosé had suddenly brought up the bakery that just opened across the university.

“By the way, a new bakery opened up across the street from our school, do you guys wanna try and visit tomorrow?” She chirped.

You guys didn’t have anything to lose, so you and Chungha agreed before setting a certain time to meet after your last exam. That was when you realized it was getting late so you all cleaned up and started to get ready for bed.

“Goodnight you two! Good luck as well, we’ll need it for our last set of exams” You bid your roommates goodnight as you retreat into your room.

“Whew! That was exhausting, I’m glad everything is over with because chemistry should be the least of my problems for now” you cheered.

Rosé groans and runs a hand through her hair in frustration. Chungha was late, and it was because her boyfriend Jungkook wanted some alone time with her.

“God if Chungha doesn’t come in like five minutes I’m gonna assume they need their ‘THEM’ time” she huffs. You laugh and just grab Rosé while giving Jihyo a call. If Chungha getting it, at least someone else can take her place, for now, her boyfriend probably needs a lot of relief.

“Jihyo can come, she’ll be there in like ten. For now, we should order in advance” you say, as you both enter the bakery.

The interior was very cute and minimal, everything was white marble, be it the racks and tables with checkered flooring. On the ceiling hung two crystal chandeliers that reflected light causing a blur of rainbows to scatter across the room.

“Wow you were right, this place is adorable Rosie! Let’s go order drinks and pick our bread” you squeal and drag her over.

Behind the register, you see a guy with black hair and another guy with light brown hair bickering about something.

“Jeonghan, I swear to fucking God if you—“ the black-haired male was cut off after seeing you and Rosé walking over.

“Go serve the customers first, I’ll be waiting in the back” The brunette smirked, and retreated into the kitchen behind the counter.

At the counter, the guy greets you with a charming smile, just about charming enough to get you flustered, but you didn’t want to look like a mess right now so you browsed the menu behind him.

“Hi! Welcome to Carat Cravings! What can I get you two today?” You read his nametag and saw that he was named Seungcheol. ‘Cute’ you say to yourself and smile back at him.

“Can we get one fruit and egg tart with a margarita pizza for here, please? And for the drinks one caramel macchiato and one americano, both iced with a fruit ade please” Seungcheol punches your orders into the register and looks up at you both again.

“Will that be all?” He asks, and you nod as you hand him your card. Rosé looked at you almost frazzled and was about to refuse your offer to pay, but then noticed that you had caught wind of another guy from behind in the kitchen.

As Seungcheol hands you your card back, you and Rosé make your way to a table near the window. “So Y/n, I see you noticed the cute baker in the kitchen. Any plans on getting to know him?” She giggled softly.

You looked at her with a glare and shook your head furiously. No, you weren’t the kind of person to date because you always prioritized your studies more than anything, but you had to admit, the baker was just so cute.

He was tall and had beautiful sunkissed skin with jet black hair and had a face that almost resembled a puppy, and maybe you also couldn’t help but notice that he had nice hands that kneaded the dough so well. You’d imagine what his hands would do if they were—

“Y/n! Hi Rosie!” Your thoughts were cut short as Jihyo entered the bakery and called over to you both excitedly. She was beaming as you made space for her to sit beside you.

“Hi Jihyo, you look happy for someone who came out of our hour-long exam” Rosé eyed her suspiciously. Jihyo only laughed and waved off what she said while staring both of you down.

“My sister called right after and said the hospital she’s working at is accepting part-timers! I just came here feeling happy about it” she says excitedly.

You and Rosé were shocked but also happy for her knowing that having a sister who worked at a hospital had its perks too. Jihyo was just one of the lucky ones, but everyone starts somewhere.

“Sorry to interrupt ladies but here are your orders! If you need anything else you can just call for me or the other guy behind the counter, the one with light brown hair” Seungcheol placed your orders on the table and the three of you thanked him politely.

When Seungcheol had finally walked out of earshot, Jihyo had lowered her voice into a whisper. “This bakery is cute but oh my god, I never expected the workers to be cute as well,” she says in a giddy tone.

You laugh at her and take a piece of the pizza while sipping on your caramel macchiato, Jihyo still ogling at Seungcheol as Rosé gives her a disgusted look.

“Come on you two, what happened to putting our studies first? If you date during your freshman year you are going to end up as a receptionist in scrubs you hear me” Rosé says sarcastically, but you were too busy staring at the baker who just came out of the kitchen.

He was talking to the two other males behind the counter and sighed. That was when you noticed that he had eyed you up and down too before looking away.

“Y/n? Hello? What the fuck, oh wait it’s that baker” Rosé says with a huff. Jihyo giggles and shushes her, noticing how flustered you became all of a sudden.

The two knew you were never one to talk about guys or wanted to date since high school, so seeing you all worked up over someone you didn’t know would only make teasing you even worse.

“New motivation to go to class every day? I know you have evening classes, so maybe I could ask them what time they close” Jihyo says with a smirk.

“Oh shut up, the baker is just some stupid eye candy you know. I can’t let that go to waste” you try to brush it off, but in reality, you two were practically checking each other out without your friends noticing.

On the other hand, Mingyu also seems to have noticed you and how you stared at him from across the room. Opting to check you out too because you didn’t look that bad either, and because he needed a break from being in the kitchen since the morning.

“Mingyu? Are you alright? Don’t tell me you’re checking out that girl over there with her friends, I was planning to get first dibs because she looked the most interesting” Jeonghan whined.

Seungcheol smacked him on the back of his head and went to tidy whatever was on the counter until a few more customers came in, but then he turned towards the two.

“I mean, you’re not wrong. She looks really pretty, but Mingyu seems to put her on edge. They barely even know each other, but you can feel the tension between them, just go talk to her Gyu” the older male grins.

Mingyu rolls his eyes at the two and notices that Jun has also come out from the back to get a breather. Business was a bit slow today, but they did just open so there was no harm in being a bit laid back.

“Are you guys talking about the group of girls over there? We just opened and you’re already ogling at our customers, be more professional” Jun says nonchalantly.

“Well I need a girlfriend, the girls in my major aren’t all that so ogling at the bakery respectfully would seem better than asking out a girl who wouldn’t know how to interact with me” Jeonghan rolls his eyes and drags Jun back to the kitchen where he’ll be taking over for Mingyu, whilst Wonwoo takes his place at the front.

In the midst of this all happening, you notice the other boys by the counter and rip your eyes off Mingyu to focus on what Jihyo and Rosé are talking about.

“The food is so good here! I can’t believe they just opened, I want to gatekeep this place forever” Jihyo gushed. Rosé nodded in agreement and turned to you, to which you replied with a confused expression.

“Well, we are done. How about we head home so we have more time to relax? I’m sorry if I’m rushing, but I have a show to catch up on” Rosé blabbered. You laugh at her and nod as you all collect your things.

“See you tomorrow Jihyo! I’ll call you” You smile and wave as the three of you part ways, you and Rosé going home together since you were both roommates.

“Alright! Stay safe you two!” Jihyo then turned and walked towards her apartment, which was about two blocks from the bakery itself.

At home, as you’re studying on the living room floor, you notice Chungha sitting on the couch behind you. “I heard from Rosie that the pastry maker from the new bakery caught your eye” she joked.

You roll your eyes and shake your head at the accusation, is it not normal to ogle at people once in a while? And how did word travel so fast?

“Trust me, he’s just eye candy. It’s nothing personal” you sigh, whilst highlighting a sentence in your book. Chungha huffs and takes a sip from her mug, smirking at you.

“I doubt it, you’re such a nerd Y/n. You already work your ass off at school so why not live a little and date? Come on, this guy is probably just as studious as you are, considering he works at a bakery with his friends” she says matter-of-factly.

“So working at a bakery that he started with his friends makes him a nerd like me? I’m so impressed Chungha, you should’ve taken criminology, to be completely honest,” you reply sarcastically, which earned you a slap on the back of the head.

“Come on, if you’re going by tomorrow at least talk to him. I mean, what do you have to lose? You’re smart, pretty and you’re kind. Not to mention, wasn’t he also checking you out?” You felt your face grow hot, guess you weren’t that slick after all if Rosé noticed it too.

Before you could retaliate, the two of you heard the soft pattering of feet and a laugh coming from the hallway. It was Rosé, and it seemed like she’d overheard your conversation through the paper-thin walls of the apartment.

“Y/n! You should go see him! It’ll do you good I promise” she squealed. Chungha laughed and nodded along with her, it seemed like your roommates were some of the most insufferable people in the entire world.

“If I do it will you guys finally leave me alone?” You say weakly. The other two nodded eagerly with wide eyes and you mentally facepalm.

If a simple conversation was gonna get them off your tail, then so be it. It’ll be quick and it’s not like it’ll be a routine part of your day.

The next morning, you couldn’t be any more wrong. You woke up earlier than you should’ve for your first class of the day, and as you fixed yourself in the mirror, you thought about the baker and why you ended up just mentally thanking your friends for the challenge.

“Good morning Y/n, you seem chipper this morning” Rosé greets you from the kitchen. You smile shyly at her and look away, which gives off the impression that you maybe were anticipating the morning more than you thought, compared to the night before.

“Looking forward to talking to him now? Seems like a culinary major so maybe you’ll find him easier than you’d think” she continues.

“Yeah, yeah maybe I am a bit excited since he is cute. I bet he has a girlfriend though and I’ll prove you guys wrong, maybe his eyes just wandered” you laugh while Rosé only gives you a smirk and a scoff.

“When you start dating this guy, I bet you’ll thank us for setting you up like this. Studies can always come second, and who said you can’t multitask?” you bid your goodbye and race to the elevator of your apartment building, sighing from the intense teasing, but before the elevator doors could close, a voice had called over from the end of the hallway.

“Hey! Wait up!” You quickly press the open door button and lo and behold, there stood the exact baker you and Rosé were just talking about this morning, except he was in a chef outfit. ‘Maybe she was right’ you chuckle.

“Thanks for that— Wait, you were with your friends at the bakery yesterday” The tall male recognized you as you nodded back and gave him a friendly smile.

“I’m surprised you even remember me, but I’m even more shocked that you live in the same apartment building” you reply with a laugh. Mingyu scratches the back of his neck awkwardly and nods.

“You guys were one of our first customers, so it’s honestly hard to forget since it’s kind of special in a way” The elevator doors open and the two of you walk out, still engaged in a conversation.

“Oh before we do part ways, I’m Y/n! I had plans to head to the bakery later but it seems like your shift won’t start ‘till the afternoon it seems” you say cheekily.

“I’m Mingyu, it’s nice to meet you. Don’t worry, I only have one morning class before the others take over for the night, so you will be seeing me right after” Mingyu chuckles. Your face heats up so you immediately bid the male goodbye and walk over to your bus.

Microbiology was probably one of the worst classes to ever have in the morning, so a coffee fix for the rest of the day was just what you needed. You offer to buy your other friend Nayeon one too since you needed someone to go with you, just to lessen the effects of being around Mingyu at least.

“I’m starting to get sick of studying fungi and bacteria all day, can you believe every fucking surface we wipe a swab on has some form of disease” you grimace.

The bell of the bakery chimes and you already see a familiar head of brown hair behind the register. “Hi welcome to Carat Cravings! What can I get you guys today?” It was still fairly early in the morning, so you guessed that the ones working the morning hours mostly had evening classes just like you.

“One americano and one caramel machiatto, both iced. While we’ll get a breakfast platter please” Jeonghan punches in the order and you hand him your card, once again, to pay. At that exact moment, Mingyu had come out of the kitchen to greet you.

“Wait you know her?” Jeonghan suddenly asks. Mingyu nods and you greet him back shyly, you two had only just met by chance at the elevator of your apartment building.

“She lives in the same building, anyways Y/n this is Jeonghan. Since you’ll be coming here more often, I assume, then you should get to know us” he grins back at you. Jeonghan gave you both puzzled looks but you nodded in reply, a grin also plastered onto your face.

“Go ahead and find a seat then, your orders will be out in a few” You and Nayeon make your way to a window seat in the corner and take out a few of your notebooks just to go over what was discussed in your lecture.

You are writing down another important note on your iPad when you hear the clinking of glasses and see another blonde beside your table, you guessed this was the other guy named Jun.

“Here you are, let us know how you feel about the food before you go by the way! Also here’s something from Mingyu that he wanted me to give you” he handed you a note and you looked at him confused, then looked over at the counter where you noticed the man as he ran back into the kitchen.

Jun walks away as you open the note, your friend Nayeon is confused as as you are. “Oh—? It’s his uh number?” You say in a flustered manner. ‘Let’s get closer! Here’s my number since I’m too shy to give it to you :)’ it said.

“Aww! Y/n that’s so cute!” Nayeon squeals as you look away shyly to bring out your phone to type in his number. “Hey, he’s just being friendly don’t be like that!” You deny it, but Nayeon wouldn’t let up.

After that day, Mingyu had pretty much become a routine part of your life, except that one phone call after a few weeks of talking to each other.

“Y/n? I didn’t expect you today since you seemed so busy, how was class?” Mingyu chuckles from the other line. You smile at his words before replying, no matter how busy, Mingyu always manages to ask you about your day.

“Well it was pretty ok I guess, I’m just sad I couldn’t stop by the bakery today because it rained too” you reply sadly. You hear the line go silent and hear a few muffled jeers and laughs in the background. ‘Cute’ you thought.

“Don’t mind the guys. Since you called, I wanted to know if you were free this weekend? Jun’s taking over for me” Mingyu asks.

“I am actually! I don’t have anything planned right now. What do you have in mind?” You reply a little too enthusiastically. You hear another chuckle on the other line and cover your mouth in embarrassment.

“You’re so cute, let’s go to a café! I don’t want us to feel so lost since it’s our first time hanging out personally” Mingyu smiled on the other line before hearing Wonwoo gag from behind him. You blush at Mingyu’s comment and try to contain the urge to scream.

“Alright then, text me the time and I’ll put it into my schedule for the week. Bye, Mingyu! Good luck at work!” The other members all smirked at Mingyu and he bid you goodbye as well, this time with reddened ears.

The taller male then turns to his friends who go back to cleaning up before they close the bakery soon. “Yeah, it’s nothing. I just made a friend I swear, besides, she lives in our apartment building so it’ll be weird if I didn’t at least make acquaintances with her” he tries to convince them.

“Yeah right, I’d ask my cute neighbor out on a date if I were you too. Cut the bullshit Gyu, we know you like her” Wonwoo says while laughing.

Mingyu looks away, they definitely weren’t wrong and even though he did have dreams of becoming a top pastry chef one day, he also couldn’t risk not seeing you again.

“It’s always studies first, but I overheard she’s also one of the top students in her major. You bagged the beauty and brains Gyu!” Seungcheol exclaims.

Jeonghan looks at his friend in confusion as to how he even knew this information, but the older only chuckles in response.

“I got this information from Jihoon just so you know, he’s pretty close to her other friend Jihyo I think” Seungcheol concludes. Mingyu sighed and went to fix the pastry display, he was in for a rough week he supposed.

On your end, your two roommates had also overheard the conversation and squealed just as you ended the call. “He asked you out on a date?! Y/n that’s wonderful!” Rosé screams, immediately engulfing you in a bear hug.

“Guys it’s just a regular hang out between friends! He’s just our, cute, neighbor and baker you know” you stifle out. Chungha gives you a look of disapproval and flicks your forehead.

“Yeah, yeah. We all know you two are whipped for each other and it’s been two weeks since they opened up, you two will probably make it official before you even start the second date!” She huffs out. You frown, were you really in denial? You wouldn’t know for sure.

The date (if you could even call it that), came by faster than you could blink and now here you were, standing in front of the mirror, with your makeup done and in a pretty white dress with matching white ballet flats.

“Why do you look so dolled up? It’s a friendly date isn’t it” Rosé teases. You turn to her and see her leaning against the doorframe, a soft smile on her face.

“I just wanted to look presentable you know” you squeak out, knowing you were caught red-handed. It was autumn so you had to take your last chance to at least wear something pretty before layering everything.

“Anyways, tell me the details once you’re back! And take A LOT, and I mean a lot, of pictures with him ok? You two look cute together” Rosé runs away before you can reprimand her, and you suddenly hear your phone ping.

“Y/n! Someone’s at the door for you!” Chungha calls out lovingly. You stiffen, was it necessary for your roommate to act embarrassing at the most inconvenient time? You walk out of your room and make eye contact with Mingyu from the hallway.

Mingyu’s eyes widen at your form, the two of you were wearing matching outfits, both white and looking like you had dressed for the spring instead of the cold autumn weather.

“So?—“ Chungha was cut short as you sprinted and grabbed Mingyu’s hand, leading him down the hallway hurriedly with a laugh.

“I’m sorry, my roommates can be a handful sometimes. Now, where are we going?” You grin. Mingyu’s ears redden after realizing your hands were still intertwined, but you didn’t seem that bothered so he led you to his car that was parked in the basement.

“Are you planning to kill me?” You joke. Mingyu shakes his head and you laugh. “No, no! Just taking you to my car since the café is in the uptown part of the city. It’s a bit far but I guarantee you’ll like it” he replies in a flustered voice.

“Are you sure you’re not some murderer plotting my demise and you’re secretly taking me to your getaway house with your actual girlfriend” you blurt out. He looks at you in confusion and now it was his turn to laugh.

“I don’t think I’d be here then if I had a girlfriend, trust me, I’m more into my studies and passion than you think. So, consider yourself a special girl” Mingyu unintentionally flirts. You hit his shoulder out of habit, but he didn’t seem to mind either as he continued to laugh at you.

“Why’d you ask me out anyway? My other friends are way prettier and way more interesting than me, and don’t think I’m saying that out of pity, I’m just confused since I’ve always had my head buried in books as well” you admit shamefully.

“In all honesty, I just felt an instant connection with you, call it whatever but I’ve never felt like this with someone before” The street lights illuminate his face and you thank the gods above that he can’t see your flushed face in the dimness of the light.

“Oh, we’re here by the way. Let me park and don’t get out until I open the door for you” Mingyu parks the car at a spot in front of a very comfy but also expensive-looking café, before getting out of the driver’s seat to open your end.

You get out and thank him bashfully, the two of you heading inside. It didn’t seem too crowded for a weekend, which relieved you a bit since the ambiance was much more peaceful this way.

“Good afternoon! Welcome to Nabi’s, what can I get you two today?” The cashier smiles. You turn to Mingyu, and he looks at you with another grin, immediately ordering since you aren’t all that familiar with the place.

The cashier punches it in and Mingyu pays for everything, leaving you flustered for the umpteenth time that day. ‘What a gentleman, and he doesn’t have a girlfriend?’ You tell yourself.

“Your orders will be out shortly, you can take a seat and we’ll bring it right over. Have a good one, and here’s your change sir” Mingyu gladly takes his card and leads you to the second floor of the café.

Upon stepping into the seating area, you were immediately greeted with a beautiful view of the city. “Mingyu this is amazing!” You run over to the seat next to the window, and this causes Mingyu’s heart to race. How could you be so endearing even in the smallest aspect?

“It’s nothing, it’s a place I like to go to when I want to be alone, but I brought you here because it’s special to me” he admits while sitting down in front of you.

“Thank you honestly, I feel very special now that I’ve earned enough trust from Kim Mingyu to be able to go to one of his favorite places” You giggle, your stomach full of butterflies from how he treated you.

“Well, I did want to say this and I’m afraid it might be too early, but here it goes” You look at him curiously and stay quiet so you can listen to him better. You were always one to make anyone feel heard and comfortable.

“I like you Y/n, as if it isn’t obvious enough. The day I saw you with your friends at the bakery, something just stood out to me about you, and after getting to know you, it made you a hundred times more attractive to me. It might be a bit early but I wanted to let you know that I’d be willing to wait for you as long as you let me” Mingyu says wholeheartedly.

You were shocked, you liked Mingyu just as much as he did you, but his confession and sincerity were so out of the blue. Was this guy sure about not having a girlfriend?

“Mingyu, I don’t know what to say. I like you too! At first, I was pretty in denial about my feelings since I didn’t want to end up as a receptionist in scrubs and only really stuck to my studies, but you opened up my heart in a way. No need to wait, I’m willing to be your girlfriend” you confess as well.

You stare at Mingyu and notice his ears turn red while a huge smile starts to make its way onto his face. “You don’t understand how happy you make me Y/n, I won’t disappoint you” he holds your hand from across the table.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, Mingyu and you talking for hours on end about everything you missed out on during the first few weeks of getting to know each other, what you guys had in common, and even planning out the second date.

Mingyu and you walk through the basement of your apartment together as he takes you home for the night, dreamy smiles on both your faces and hands intertwined with each other’s. It felt magical almost that you’d even met this guy, he came straight out of a storybook.

“I had so much fun today, thank you Mingyu. I’m so happy,” you say in the elevator. Mingyu engulfs you in a hug and nuzzles his face against the crown of your head, you two did seem like a lovesick couple already.

“Thank you for today as well Y/n, I couldn’t have asked for anything better. Now let’s take you home so you can rest well, even if I don’t want to let you go just yet” he says cheekily.

The elevator dings and you realize that you are already on your floor. You start to feel sad but Mingyu still walks you over to your apartment down the hall, the two of you constantly exchanging glances as you get to your door slowly.

“Goodnight Mingyu! Thank you again, boyfriend, I’ll see you tomorrow at the bakery after class?” You quip. Mingyu nods and you kiss him on the cheek before typing in your door combination.

“Boyfriend huh? Goodnight then Y/n, sleep tight love. I don’t want to let you go just yet” he pouts. You laugh again and give him one last peck, this time on his lips, which causes his eyes to widen again.

“You’ll see me tomorrow! Now go rest up sleepyhead, you always work so hard” After you finish that sentence, you open the door and bid him one last goodbye before he walks away, and you walk into your apartment.

Once the door is closed, you hear the shrieks of your roommates and massage your temples. You were going to be in for it tonight, but at least you finally had the man of your dreams.

© rubyuji 2024’ -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.

[onlyjaeyun]

𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 – 𝟗

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄: 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐰

⤥ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

⤥ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬!𝐀𝐔

⤥ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟖.𝟕𝐤

⤥ 𝐜𝐰: 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐜𝐡, 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐞𝐬, 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐚 𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤, 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠/𝐦𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐨𝐧𝐞 (𝟏) 𝐬𝐥𝐮𝐭, 𝐧𝐨 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 (𝐟. 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠), 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐭 (𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐯𝐬𝐬𝐲), 𝐞𝐱𝐡𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐦, 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲, 𝐧𝐨 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞, 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐝𝐮𝐛-𝐜𝐨𝐧 (𝐛𝐜 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐬)

⤥ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐀 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞, 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬. 𝐀 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲'𝐬 𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤.

(A/N: I had to add a little note here because I gotta clarify that even if Y/N never outright denies his advances, I still thought I'd add the dub-con warning because it's hate sex after all and I hope you guys know it's followed by angst. anyway, enjoy babies!)

"Alright, I think that's everything for today. Thank you guys so much for coming in on a Saturday", trainer seo's calm voice echoes through the qiet office and with a soft smile you shoot him a quick nod and get up from your seat.

"Of course, Sir, anytime", Sunghoon replies just as calmly and the urge to roll your eyes at the sound of his faux politeness seems overwhelming after almost two hours of having to listen to him.

You're surprised to say that the tension in your muscles isn't even necessarily because of his presence but rather because you're mentally and physically exhausted.

The past two weeks feel like the burden of a whole year on your shoulders, your chest feels tight and you simply can't seem to get rid of the weird feeling in your stomach. You hate how much this break up is effecting you, it's not like you had genuinely loved Jaemin in the first place but the humiliation his disloyalty comes with has been weighing a lot heavier on you than you could have ever prepared yourself for.

After such emotionally draining days you'd much rather spend your Saturday afternoon getting tipsy on your best friend's home made cocktails while getting things for Seung's party ready than having to sit next to your least favorite person for a total of three hours.

However, you're just as relieved as you are tense that the meeting has finally come to an end and despite the fact that you'll have to drive home with Sunghoon, you're more than just excited to finally join the boys and get the party started.

"I know this is a lot to ask for, especially after I've held you two captive here for hours but could you give the storage room a quick clean up? The boys love to just throw their stuff in there and finding the things we need gets harder each time."

You try not to let your lack of enthusiasm show in your facial expression because no matter how badly you want to get home, Sunghoon would never deny his precious trainer a request like that and just as you're about to respond, he jumps in and approves your expectations.

"Sure", he says casually, not even bothering to check if you're just as okay with it as he is, "we'll do it roughly now and then I'll have the boys clean it up properly next week."

All you can do is press your lips into a tight lipped smile as you nod along to his words and voice your farewells to the rest of the staff members, only for your eyes to finally roll into the back of your head with an annoyed scoff.

"Say what you've got to say or shut the fuck up", Sunghoon is quick to shoot back in response to your non-verbal comment and with your brows furrowed in annoyance you scan his face.

"We could have just left this for another day", you hiss and run a hand through your hair, "since – you know – we actually have to be somewhere, you teacher's pet."

"Can you just keep it down for once, for fuck's sake", Hoon's quick to match your energy and for some reason his reaction triggers all the emotions you've been suppressing for the past few days.

"You act like I'm not telling the fucking truth", you spit back at him and turn around to grab your bag and get this shit over with. All you can think about is to finally put some physical distance between the two of you after spending way too much time in such close proximity with him.

"Look, I don't give a fuck about whatever you say. If you wanted to leave so badly you should have spoken the fuck up. It's not like you're usually one to hold back, so don't blame this on me", Hoon presses through gritted teeth and you hate the way you can't stop your gaze from dropping to his stupidly plump lips, "plus, if you want to leave, you're very welcome to do just that."

"I'm not gonna spend money on an uber when we agreed to drive home together in the first place", you say and raise your hands in confusion, quickly averting your gaze from his face to stop any more weird thoughts to enter your head.

The last thing you need right now is to let your mind wander to places which will only ruin you further. Places which include Park Sunghoon and his annoyingly attractive features.

"Then shut the fuck up and let's get this done so we can leave and I can finally pretend like you don't exist anymore."

Hoon's tone is cold, it's raw and it's harsh. But just as usual, it doesn't hurt you. Nothing he says to or throws in your face actually gets to you anymore. After years and years of constant back and forth you've grown immune to his hateful behavior.

But, different than you usually would, you decide to just let out a soft sigh and follow him out of the office and to the front of the ice rink, loving the way the cold hits your heated skin and calms your nerves.

For a moment you forget about Sunghoon's agitating presence and allow yourself to take in the sight of your former safe place.

One might have expected for you to get used to the sight of the huge ice rink after working as the hockey team's manager for the past six weeks, but somehow it hasn't gotten any easier. You don't feel the need to just fall to your knees and mourn the biggest loss of your life anymore but there's definitely this little sting in your heart whenever you remember how only a decade ago this exact place would have put you at complete ease. Whereas now you find yourself dreading every single second you have to spend there.

To your surprise, Sunghoon doesn't take this moment away from you but just quietly starts working his way through the messy storage room. For a moment you actually consider not helping him since he was the one to make the decision for you both but you know you'll leave faster if you give him a hand, so with yet another sigh of annoyance you place your bag onto the benches and join to help him.

None of you says a single word for the first twenty minutes and you can't believe that you're actually grateful for Sunghoon to opt with silence rather than another stupid argument.

You can't lie and say you haven't noticed the fact that he's been holding back on you a little more than usual, regardless if your brother is present or not and for some reason you can't help but wonder what the reason might be.

However, you don't get enough time to actually overthink your enemy's behavior as your phone suddenly starts buzzing in the back pocket of your jeans.

"Is it one of the boys? I texted Jaeyun but they might not be with him right now. Tell them it'll take us another thirty minutes", Sunghoon says and doesn't look up from the corner he's currently picking up the broken pucks from and despite the fact he usually prefers your lack of verbal response, he feels irritation bubble up in his stomach once he realises you haven't answered him yet.

However, your facial expression of discomfort and annoyance quickly tell him that the name on your screen does not belong to any of your friends.

"I'll be back in a minute", is the only thing you say once you've processed the fact taht you're currently looking at a name you'd much rather not deal with in that particular moment.

For the first in over a decade you're actually grateful for the fact that Sunghoon doesn't give a single shit about you or your life because if it was one of the other boys, you would have had to explain why you're about to pick up a call from your ex-boyfriend's best friend.

Without saying another word and anxiety boiling in your stomach, you make your way into the lockers room but not necessarily bothering to close the door behind you since you're more than just sure Sunghoon wasn't going to look for or check up on you anyway.

It takes you another row of vibrations to regain your compose and finally pick up the call. You could have just ignored it but for some reason you feel like you owe your own conscience this phone call.

"Hello? Y/N? Are you there?"

And just as you had subconsciously expected, it's the sound of your former lover's voice which makes its way to you and with your heart skipping a beat you let out anloud sigh of annoyance.

"What the fuck do you want, Jaemin?"

It doesn't take much for the blood in your veins to start boiling, anger and wrath coming together in the worst way possible and before you can even realise it, the back of your head is pulsating in agonising pain.

Talking to him over text was enough for your mental stability to spiral in a way you haven't experienced in months and hearing his voice now seems like the worst decision ever.

"Can you stop being so fucking aggressive for once? Don't worry, I'm not calling because I want to but because I have to", your ex boyfriend hisses and every single one of his words pushes you deeper into your state of irritation and anger.

"Stop fucking yapping and get to the point", you reply and pinch the bridge of your nose between your fingertips and if it wasn't for the possibility of Sunghoon hearing your conversation, you would have lost it on him already.

But in no way does your ego allow you to give him the satisfaction of hearing you in a state so vulnerable.

"You still have a few of my hoodies and I remembered that I forgot my laptop at your place", Jaemin sighs and you can hear the way he so obviously tries to calm himself down, his attempts easily hitting your conscience.

"I'll bring them to the café and have Tsuki give them to you, I don't want to see you."

You don't bother telling him about how you're afraid you'll actually punch him in the face and get arrested again if you ever had to look at his face again, since you know how paranoid he tends to be. You'd rather not worry about him ruining your record so close to your graduation.

"You can't be serious", Jaemin suddenly scoffs, wrath and pettiness wavering in his voice, "grow up and stop acting so immature. I'm gonna come by in an hour and take what belongs to me."

"Do that and I'll have Jongseong go batshit on you", you don't even hesitate with your threat, knowing oh too well just how intimidated he's always been by your best friend's rather cold demeanor.

"Why are you making this so difficult for me, Y/N? I never hurt you."

Maybe it's the lack of sleep and rest or the emotional exhaustion but something snaps inside of you as soon as your brain registers his words.

"You cheated on me, you ugly fuck", the volume of your voice has actually risen to the point where it echoes in the emptiness of the lockers room, easily gaining Sunghoon's attention.

For a moment he finds himself moving closer to the door to actually listen to what you've got to say to that stupid ex boyfriend of yours, but as a wave of rage overwhelms him, he decides to keep his distance for his own sake.

"Stop making me the bad guy in this, Jaemin. I gave you my everything. Every time I tried to put my boys and my life first, you guilt tripped me into thinking I never gave you the attention you needed or asked for but at the end of the day I had to beg you for a date night for four months."

Silence erupts on the side of the phone, followed by another sigh and now you can't help but wish you could actually look at him. Your heart craves the sight of his mask crumbling because you've finally given up on the relationship.

"Whatever lets you sleep at night", Jaemins says nonchalantly, "at the end of the day you still never trusted me enough to let me cum inside of you, so I guess we're even."

"You never earned yourself the privilege to fuck me raw, you stupid loser. So fucking loud and bold for someone who doesn't even eat pussy", you don't care about how loud you're being or the chance of Sunghoon hearing way too intimate details about your sex life, the accusing tone and words of your ex boyfriend are simply enough for your brain to go into overdrive.

"It's disgusting and I won't let you make me feel bad about it, not anymore", Jaemin's voice is filled with hatted and disgust, the instant waves of shame and embarrassment following his words are overwhelming.

"Go cry to your fucking mother about this, maybe she gives a fuck about your fragile masculinity", you say casually, knowing exactly just how much he hates being referred to as a so called "mama's boy".

"You fucking b–", "I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you. A black eye and broken ribs are literally just a phone call away."

A beat of silence follows your threat and you know you won this round, yet again. At the end of the day Na Jaemin remains a gutless coward who loves to bark and yap, but never really has the spine to stand by what he says.

"You know, it's baffling to me how you've always had such high expectations of me when not even your own father can stand you and your annoying personality."

And for the first time the two years you've known him, Jaemin has actually managed to leave you speechless. The feeling of betrayal and pain is too intense, too strong for your body; a verbal response seems like a challenge.

"Come on, don't stop", you scoff, knowing what kind of response he wants and you're determined to do everything in your power to make sure he won't get that satisfaction, "I'm my father's least favorite child, my step-mother hates my guts, they disowned and threw me out when I turned eighteen. How about you go ahead and mention my dead mother too, hm? Since you wanna step that low. Don't hesitate now, big guy."

You can feel the knot in your throat doubling in its size at the thought of Jaemin throwing everything you've trusted him with in your face like he's just been waiting for the right moment.

But this is exactly what you're used to, so despite the ache in your chest you calmly wait for his response to your words.

You're so caught up in your argument with Jaemin, that you don't even notice Sunghoon's tall figure casually standing in the doorway, shamelessly listening to everything you've been saying for the past five minutes since he physically couldn't stop himself from eavesdropping once you had responded to your boyfriend's lack of privilege regarding unprotected intimacy.

He simply can't explain why the thought of your ex boyfriend denying you the sweet pleasure of oral sex was the last straw for him, but regardless of the reason behind it, Sunghoon has not stopped thinking about burying his face in your cunt ever since you had exposed your former lover.

At this point the young male would be lying if he said he has never thought about you in a sexual way, but he'd never, ever admit this to anyone but his own self.

He hates you. He's always hated you and he can't even think of a day where he won't look at you and not feel the urge to skin himself, yet at the same time he also can't deny just how badly he wants to fuck your brains out.

Every now and then Sunghoon caught himself imagining the sweet sight of your pretty eyes filled with tears, begging him to just please fuck you the way you've always needed to. And while he definitely didn't enjoy those thoughts and mental images at first, he's come to the conclusion that he's taken quite the liking in the want to fuck that annoying attitude out of your system.

Maybe being in your presence would be a little more bearable if you got fucked properly, since Sunghoon is pretty sure none of your previous lovers or boyfriends have ever managed to give you exactly what you need. Then on the other hand – who knows if he has what it takes to handle a girl with an attitude like that, right?

"Yeah, your stammering is just wasting my time", you suddenly say and pull Sunghoon back into reality, his eyes attentively roaming the way your outfit seems to hug every single curve of your body in the most perfect way possible.

Sunghoon despises you for being so god damn attractive and annoying at the same time. If you only ever managed to shut the fuck up, he'd actually have the nerve to be in your presence for longer than twenty minutes.

But usually it doesn't take you too long to open those pretty lips and say the most agitating, annoying and useless things and irritate every single bone in his body. What a perfect sight you'd make with your mouth stuffed and nothing but gags and muffled whimpers rolling off your busy tongue.

"I'll drop your shit off again Tsuki's café and will make sure she gets your ugly ass arrested if you end up being dumb enough to wait for me there."

Sunghoon watches the way you run a hand through your hair and just as he's about to let his gaze drop to the sight of your soft thighs, you suddenly decide to turn around and before he can even realise it, he's looking into your eyes. 

A wave of shock and panic overwhelms your body and your brain is suddenly flooded with worries about just how much he's heard already and how you'll ever recover from this.

You don't even bother saying any farewells to your ex boyfriend as you try your best to hide just how flustered and ashamed you are. Not knowing for how long he's been listening in on your conversation makes the anxiety in your lower stomach go crazy.

You never, ever wanted him, of all people, to know the disappointment your intimate life actully is and yet here you are.

"I always knew your taste in men is bad but this?"

Different than he had expected from himself, Sunghoon doesn't quite hold back with his response, knowing he has to say something or you might notice the way he's been devouring you for the past few minutes.

"Yeah, thanks for nothing", you sigh and roll your eyes, consciously ignoring the way Sunghoon's eyes seem to linger on the exposed skin of thighs for longer than necessary, "how about you just shut the fuck up and mind your own business? If I ever wanna talk about my choice in men I'll go to a therapist and not to your mommy issued ass."

And there is the Y/N Sunghoon knows and hates with the coldest parts of his heart.

But for some reason, your words seem to trigger a completely different reaction this time, because where usually he'd feel the anger boiling in his blood, now the way you're looking at him with furrowed brows and your pretty lips pressed into a thin line do nothing but push him deeper into his naughty fantasies.

"Nah, you know me", Sunghoon chuckles bitterly and casually approaches you, completely unbothered by your words, "I have to throw this in your face just for the fun of it."

"Go get fucked, Cunthoon", you spit back and don't hesitate to get on your feet, knowing you have no choice but to physically stand your ground since he's basically towering over you with his height.

"With or without the privilege?"

It takes you a short moment to realise what exactly he's referring to and as soon as you do, your eyes roll into the back of your head followed by a loud sigh.

You're trying very hard to mainatin your cold composure, but the second your brain processes just how close Sunghoon is standing to you, everything seems to become even more difficult.

You're not ready to admit just how badly you want him to touch you, not to yourself let alone to Sunghoon himself. No matter how much the thought of his hands on your body have your head spinning, you're ready to take this to the grave with you.

Sunghoon's the reason for so much of your past pain and heartache, the reason you promised your twelve year old self to never, ever let him back into your life and up until this particular moment you've managed to maintain your emotional and physical distance to him, so why the fuck has it suddenly turned into a challenge?

"It's honestly so sad to see how you're always so loud about knowing what you want and how you wanna be treated when you can't even find yourself a man who's actually attracted to you", Hoon's words hit the center of your fragile self worth and for the first time in the past few days, you actually feel the tears pricking at the corner of your eyes.

After all the things Jaemin has thrown your way, you're pretty sure you're not quite strong enough to take another hit from Sunghoon, especially considering how much more merciless and brutal he tends to be.

But maybe you need this. Maybe you just need to hear and feel Sunghoon's hatred in this particular moment just to remember who the fuck you actually are.

"Hm, that's all you've got?"

Sunghoon takes another step closer to you, his dark eyes attentively roaming your face as he nods and refuses to respond verbally.

You hate how much the fire in his gaze is burning your skin and how it's nothing but fuel to the flames in between your legs.

There's absolutely no reason for you to feel this turned on by Park Sunghoon, of all people.

"What's wrong, snowflake? You seem so lost in your thoughts", Sunghoon suddenly whsipers and the sound of the nickname he's given you exactly eleven years ago slices through your chest like a knife, triggering you in a way only he could.

"Get the fuck out of my face", you spit and press your hands flat against his strong chest, hating the way the hair on your neck literally stands up at the feeling of his muscles underneath your touch, "and don't ever call me that again."

You don't exactly know what you expected his reaction to be but nothing could have prepared you for the feeling of Sunghoon wapping his fingers around your wrist just to turn your body around and press you against the wall with your hand now firmly pressed into your lower back.

For a moment you can't help but wonder if this is actually real. Sunghoon hasn't touched you in over a decade. He's barely ever looked at you and yet now he seems more than just comfortable pressing his chest into your back.

"Or what, snowflake? What are you going to do? Curse me out and hurt my ego? Tell me about how my parents won't ever be proud of me or how they'll always choose their golden child over me, hm?"

You hear his words, yet the fact he's whispering them into your ear makes it impossible for you to actually understand what he's saying.

"What the fuck are you doing? Let me fucking go", you hiss and gulp harshly, not even realising how much you've been pressing your thighs together but Sunghoon is more attentive than you are and the only thing he's been focusing on is the way your chest is rising and falling uncontrollably.

"Let me guess what that loser told you", he suddenly sighs and reaches for your other hand just to hold both of them in one of his own, his cold touch sending chills down your legs and a jolt of hot arousal straight into your cunt.

"He talked about how your big mouth and that bratty attitude of yours were the reason he cheated in the first place", Sunghoon sighs and lets his unoccupied hand find its way around your waist before he places it flat against your lower stomach and for some reason, you don't feel the need to push him away anymore.

You can feel the blood thrumming in your ears, your heart quite brutally hammering against your rib cage and if it wasn't for the fact that he's got you firmly pressed against a wall, you're pretty sure your knees would have given out.

"Sunghoon, what the fuck–", "Don't make me find other ways to keep that mouth of yours shut, snowflake", Hoon quickly interrupts your protest and the anger finally finds its way into your veins, joining the disgusting arousal that's been clouding your brain.

You want to push him away. You want him to let go of you. But most importantly: you want him to just finally fuck you so you can get him out if your system.

Sunghoon might hate you with every fiber of his being, but at the end of the day his feelings for you won't change the fact just how easy it is for him to read your body language.

You might not have noticed for just how long you've been pushing your pretty ass up against his raging hard on, but he has and there's absolutely no way he's going to feel ashamed about it.

He hates his boys for being right but he knows neither one of you will ever say a word about this to anyone, which is probably why it's so easy for him to push his hand over your skirt and take ahold of your thigh.

At this point you can feel his rapid heartbeat against your back and the urge to move a little more against the pretty impressive bulge in his slacks has slowly become overwhelming.

"He's right, I can't lie", Sunghoon suddenly whispers, his plump lips touching the back of your ear with each word, resulting in your brain taking a lot longer to process the contentbof his comment, "that fucking attitude of yours is what makes you so unbearable. Always talking back. Always saying whatever you want, whenever you want, just like the entitled little girl you've always been and forever will be."

He's being brutally honest and you know it. Hoon doesn't have a reason to lie to you, not even when he's slowly pushing his hand underneath your skirt, all the way up your thigh until he's only a single motion away from grazing your clothed cunt with his knuckles.

And despite the fact that his words push you into the sweetest bliss of pleasure and wrath you've ever experienced, you physically can't get yourself to move in his grip. You want him to touch you and he knows it. Everything that fucker does is on purpose.

"Look at you", he suddenly chuckles and pushes his finger against your inner thigh just to nudge his hand in between your legs and casually press his palm against the entirety of your pussy, "you're boiling with anger because of the things I say but have still made a mess of your panties like a needy slut."

"Fuck you", is the only thing you manage to spit back, your head spinning as the feeling of his strong hands holding yours and his chest firmly pressed into your back leaves you completely breathless.

"You're so close to do just that, snowflake", Hoon doesn't even try to hide the amusement in his voice and you hate him for it but can't hide just how badly you want him to move his hand between your legs.

"Cut that cocky shit show and put your money where your mouth is, you fucking loser", you hiss and push your ass further into his crotch, only for your body to betray you and a desperate whimper escaping throat in response to his hard cock.

"There it is, that attitude I was talking about", he chuckles and suddenly lets go of your hands as he pushes his own underneath your skirt, his fingers casually toying with the string of your thong on both sides of your hips, "but no matter how much you hate me, your body will always betray you."

Sunghoon calmly pushes your underwear down your thighs, the lack of fabric against your sensitive cunt rips a guttural moan from your throat.

"Don't feel so special", you try to keep your voice as stead as possible, "I haven't gotten laid in weeks, you're just a convenience."

"Really?" As soon as that tiny little word slips past his lips, Sunghoon pushes his hand back in between your legs and this time you physically can't stop yourself from bucking your hips into his touch.

The feeling of his cold fingers geazing the hot, wet flesh of your cunt sends you deeper intot he sweet haze of your arousal and in combination with the anger lingering in your veins, you feel like you're about to explode.

"Now, the wetness of your little cunt is telling a completely different story, snowflake", he chuckles and runs the tip of his middle finger through your sensitive folds, only grazing the tip of your hard clit before he moves back to circle your clenching hole and drive you into actual insanity.

"Stop fucking teasing me, you bitch", you spit and wrap your fingers around his wrist to push your cunt against his palm, "just fuck me already."

"Hm, that sense of entitlement you have gets on my last fucking nerves, snowflake", Sunghoon hisses, his words drenched in venom whereas his thumb rubbing gentle circles into your sensitive clit displays the complete opposite.

"F-Fuck you", your voice breaks at the end of your two word sentence and with a soft, breathy whimper you press your forehead against the cool wall, hoping to get rid of some of the heat overwhelming your body.

"Different than your boyfriends, Baby, I'm not one to do just that without any foreplay", he chuckles and suddenly takes away the warmth of his body from yours as he pulls away but doesn't give you enough time to react as he drops to his knees and pushes your skirt a little further up your hips, exposing your drenched cunt to his hungry eyes.

In that particular moment Sunghoon feels grateful for his choice of position because the fact your pussy is the prettiest he's ever laid his eyes on is an ego-boost he would have never forgiven himself for giving you.

Maybe it's the fact he hasn't eaten anyone out in momths despite his favor for it, or maybe it's because he's subconsciously been hoping to get a taste of the most untouchable treat he's ever had to deal with in his life, regardless of the reaosn he can't get himself to actually care about it anymore.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Your voice sounds panicked but the way you move your body further into hsi touch tells him everything he needs to know.

"What does it look like, snowflake? I'm going to do what that loser boyfriend of yours denied you."

His words have a hint of possession to them and easily elicit a guttural moan from your throat as the thought of Sunghoon's pretty lips on your needy cunt leave you completely lightheaded.

"You fucking bastard", you hiss through gritted teeth only to choke on your words as soon as Sunghoon licks a long stripe over the entirety of your cunt, savoring every drop landing on his tongue like it's the sweetest meal he's ever tasted.

"F-Fuck", he grunts and digs his fingers deeper into the skin of your ass cheeks, hating himself for losing his composure but to his luck you're way too fucked out already to take notice of his little outburst.

"Let's see if I can tongue-fuck that little attitude problem out of you, hm, snowflake?"

Yet again, Hoon doesn't give you enough time to respond to his teasing promise by sucking your clit into his mouth, applying just enough pressure on your sensitive clit with his tongue to have you gasping for air.

You've only ever received head a couple of times in your life but never once has it felt so fucking good and you can't help but allow yourself to savor the pleasure he's bringing you, ignoring his identity for the sake of saving your own dignity.

Sunghoon is relentless, careless and sloppy. Loud slurping noises match the actions of his mouth as he swallows your sweet juices, not a single word leaving his lips as he's too busy making sure not one drop goes to waste of the sweetest cunt he's ever had the chance to eat.

For a moment the young man feels his composure slipping through his fingers as he pushes his face deeper and deeper into your cunt, too eager to care about you, too selfish to think about possible consequences.

It doesn't take long for you to tip toe around the edge as Sunghoon switches between thrusting his tongue into your tight hole and drawing circles into your needy bundle of nerves with the hardened tip of his muscle.

You've long lost control of yourself as moan after moan follows each breathless gasp for air and high pitched whimper of his name.

Sunghoon feels anger bubbling in the lower part of hsis tomach at the thought of your moans being so fucking sensual they're actual music to his ears.

With each movement of his tongue, he feels your hole tightening a little more, the urge to have you fall apart from his tongue alone overwhelming him and when he realises that it's because he wants you to know that there won't ever be anyone like him making you feel like this again, he chooses to push that thought all the way to the back of his head.

This isn't about you. This is about him. He eats pussy because it gets him off and that's why he forces himself to simply ignore your moans and whines and focus on the throbbing of his cock underneath all the layers of clothing.

"C-Close", you suddenly whisper, approving his thoughts and it's then that Sunghoon realises that he's had his eyes closed the whole time, like some pussy drunk freak.

"Will you look at that", he suddenly chuckles, and lands a quick spank on the sensitive skin of your ass, "little miss attitude has gone all quiet. Where's that big mouth of yours now, Baby?"

"Shut t-the fuck up", you whimper and throw your head back in ecstasy, too close to actually give a fuck about his comments but too stubborn to give him the satisfaction of your silence.

"Now now, don't get rude now", Sunghoon grunts and guides his hand to the front of your body knowing your eyes are firmly focused on the way his fingers start toying with your hardened clit.

"S-Sunghoon", you whimper and can't believe that an actual veil of tears has blurred your vision, "please, I need to cum. Don't take this away from me."

You try to swallow your pride as soon as Sunghoon's laughter echoes in the empty space of the lockers room but the second he goes back to pushing his tongue into your tight hole, you feel a wave of relief hit your nerves and before you can even process what's happening, your actul arch enemy applies just the right amount of pressure on your sensitive clit and easily pushes you over the edge with just those few movements.

Your ears start ringing as the coil in your lower tummy finally snaps and you find yourself heading head first into your sweet relief. You're physically and mentally not able to keep you'r noises down and you can't even be mad about it because never once in your life has anyone ever made you cum this hard.

The fact he managed to do it with his mouth only is what sends the aftermaths of your orgasm down your spine and for a moment you're pretty sure you're going to lose your consciousness.

You don't know how much time passes until you regain your composure but it's the sound of Sunghoon unbuckling his belt which pulls you back into reality.

"Looks like you can actually be a good girl, snowflake", he grunts as the relief of his hard cock finally being freed from the tightness of his jeans sends chills down his back, "if you told me that it took nothing but a good tongue-fuck to keep that big mouth of yours shut I would have done this years ago."

"Don't be so full of yourself, you bastard", you hiss and hate yourself for being so openly desperately as you turn your head the side just enough to catch a glimpse of his cock, "I told you I haven't gotten fucked in weeks. This was nothing but pent up frustration."

"Yeah, if that's what you'll tell yourself to essentially your conscience", Sunghoon scoffs and casually spits into his palm before he wraps his big hand around his thick cock and gives it a few good pumps, subconsciously enjoying the sight of your widened eyes.

"Turn around", you oblige to his demand without an ounce of hesitation and know you're going to hate yourself for this but can't get yourself to care the least.

"Look, it's not so hard to shut the fuck up when you want something, is it now?"

"How about you–", but Sunghoon's too fast. His hand is quick to grab your face and pull you closer to his body, his dark eyes roaming your features, his expression dripping in the deadly combination of hatred and lust.

"Open up", is the first thing he says, not even bothering to verbally respond to your back talk attempt, "come on now, snowflake. Open that pretty mouth and stick your tongue out for me."

For some reason you find yourself obeying him yet again, despite your brains firm protests you do as you're told and before you can question the decisions of your body, Sunghoon tilts your head back just enough to let a thick drop of his spit fall onto the back of your tongue.

"Aren't you one obedient little brat", he praises yet the words are filled with mockery, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth yet not able to take away the effects of his saliva coating your tastebuds has on you.

"Face the wall again", he suddenly lets go of your face and takes a step back to give you enough space to follow his order and for the third time in a row you find yourself doing just what he wanted you to.

"I know you're too fucked out already but I have a condom", Sunghoon says and allows himself the freedom of letting his eyes roll into the back of his head the second he starts pumping his cock again.

"Oh", you say and gulp harshly, hating how right he is, "good."

"It's gonna be a tight fit", Sunghoon grunts and slides the condom over his rock hard length before lining the tip up with your clenching entrance, "so tell me if you need me to take it easy. And relax. Stop tensing up so much."

All you can do is nod as the feeling of his cock so close to where you need him the most takes over the last bits of your rational thinking. Park Sunghoon is doing soemthing to your body you've never experienced before and at this point you don't even know what to feel or think.

He doesn't say another word and the next thing you know is the feeling of his tip finally entering you, stretching your sensitive cunt out just enough to send tiny jolts of pain through your body and for a moment you actually choke on your own spit.

"Fuck", Sunghoon curses and tightens his grip on your hips, slowly pushing more and more of his length into the warm embrace of your sweet cunt and with every single inch he loses himself a little bit more in the raw pleasure.

"What the fuck", you breathe out once he's halfway through, your cunt involuntarily clenching around his cock as his impressive size is a lot more to take than you could have mentally prepared yourself for.

"Just a little bit more, don't disappoint me now", Sunghoon hisses into your ear and wraps one of his delicate hands around your exposed throat, his grip not too tight yet essily knocking the breath out of your lungs, "be a good girl for once and take what I give you."

And it's this particular line which reminds you who exactly is currently about to fuck you into oblivion, the realisation sending you into a heated fir of rage and before giving him another chance to say anything, you push back and take the remaining bits of his length.

"Just fuck me already", you whisper, the sudden feeling of being filled to the brim overwhelming you and all you can do is hope that he's too caught up to notice.

"You fucking brat", Sunghoon hisses and tightens his grip around throat, thrusting his cock just a little deeper inside of you to make sure you know exactly who the fuck is in charge.

It doesn't take him too long to find the perfect rhythm, pulling his cock all the way out of your tight cunt just to thrust himself back inside of you with sharp movements of his hips.

The empty space of the lockers room is filled with a mixture of your high pitched moans and his deep grunts, yet not a single coherent word leaving either one of you.

It feels like Sunghoon is hitting every single one of your sweetest spots, the tip of his cock grazing the entrance to your womb with every single one of his movements and you feel the hate for your your body's physical response to his doing boiling in your tummy alongside another orgasm.

Every now and then Sunghoon let's out a row of choked profanities, his body not quite able to handle the inner battle between his brain and his cock because there's no fucking reason for you to feel this good.

You shouldn't feel like this. Your pussy isn't supposed to make his head spin and his ears ring, neither is it supposed to push him so close to the edge in such a short time.

Sunghoon has always taken great pride in his stamina. The disappointment of his orgasm slowly climbing down his spine faster than usual almost as present as the sweetness of pleasure rushing through his veins.

This time, however, he doesn't even check in on you as your pussy gives away just how close you are, so without saying another word, Sunghoon pushes his hand between your body and the wall and starts rubbing another set of harsh circles into your clit, knowing he'd hate himself even more if he didn't make you cum before him.

To his luck you've been so lost in the hate of your own pleasure, it takes exactly a minute and the combination of his merciless thrusts with just the right clit stinulation for you to cum all over his cock.

This time your orgasm feels even more intense, so intense your vission actually darkens for a solid second before turning blurry. Wave after wave comes crashing down on you and if it wasn't for his tight grip on your hips you would have lost your balance already.

You're so caught up in the sweetness of your own relief, you barely notice the way Sunghoon's thrusts start growing sloppy and uncoordinated and without giving it another thought, you lazily reach back to grab a fistful of his hair and pull at the thick strands and just as expected is the pain in his scalp enough to elicit a deep, gutturual moan from him as he cums inside the condom yet never once stops moving.

Heavy breathing is the only sound to fill the lockers room for the following few minutes and as the fog of pleasure slowly starts disappearing, instant regret hits your guts.

This should have never happened.

Not with Park Sunghoon, of all people.

"Stop panicking", he suddenly hisses and pulls his now soft cock out of your sensitive cunt, his expression as cold as his voice as you turn around to face him with mascara staining your cheeks and your panties around your ankles.

"As soon as I put my pants back on, I'm going to act like this never happened because it didn't. I had to get this out of my system and that's it. You still mean nothing to me and I'm pretty sure you feel the same, so let's not make a big deal about this."

Maybe it's the post-orgasm state of your still slightly fogged up brain or maybe it's because you're actually struggling to process if this actually just happened or not but as soon as his words find their way into your ear, your heart drops into your stomach in a way you've never experienced it before.

However, as someone who's had her heart broken and soul crushed just one too many times already, it only takes you a minute to regain your composure.

So without even bothering to give him a verbal response, you bend down to pull your panties up your legs again before you lift your head to meet his ice cold gaze.

"I'll give you a minute to get your shit together and wait for you in the car. Don't take too long, we're late already. And don't bother coming up with an excuse, just let me do the talking. For our both's sake."

Sunghoon says nonchalantly and runs a hand through his bleached hair before he simply turns around and walks away, leaving you alone just as he had announced it to you, with your self hatred and yet another reason to despise him.

The drive to your apartment building passes by in a complete blur since neither one of you says a single word and as soon as you walk through the door to your own home, you're met with the sight of the triplets checking their outfits in the big hallway mirror.

"Hold on", Riki says and furrows his brows in confusion, his suspecting tone sending chills down your body and for a moment you feel the fear of being caught bubbling up your throat.

"I thought you got ready and went to the staff meeting so you could just join us at Seung's place", he says and eyes your outfit, the one you initially had planned on wearing to the party but have now decided to rip apart and never, ever wear again.

You let out a soft sigh and just shrug, "I sweated a lot while cleaning the storage room so I'm gonna hop into the shower really quick and get ready properly. You guys go and get the party started. I'll text Tsuki and let her know I'm gonna be late so please tell the boys about this for me, yeah?"

"Are you okay, my love?" Sunoo asks with worry shimmering in his pretty eyes and you curse him for reading your body language so easily. If it wasn't for your abolity to turn off your emotions in an instant you would have bursted into tears already.

But all you can feel is regret and indifference. There's not a single thought left in your head and you find yourself returning to the sweet comfort of feeling empty.

"Super exhausted but just as ready to get wasted with my favorite boys", you smile and caress Sunoo's cheeks with your palm, "don't worry about me. I'll be with you guys in no time."

"Alright then", Jungwon exclaims and gives you a quick side hug, the smell of alcohol surrounding him already and the fact he hasn't noticed his best friends' look of concern despite your reassuring attempts tells you just how tipsy he is already.

"I've left the kittens some food but I'm pretty sure they'll just sleep through the night", Riki says once the other two have walked through the door of your shared apartment, "don't rush yourself. Seung's wasted already, so he has no sense of time anyway."

After giving your brother a quick yet tight hug, you force yourself to take the shower you had announced to the boys and it's only when your skin starts burning that you realise just how harshly you've been scrubbing yourself.

By the time you finally get to your hair, you choose to just straighten it and focus on your make up, the urge to look pretty enough to receive compliments and deceive your insecurities too intense to ignore.

It doesn't take you longer than an hour to get ready and just as you swing your front door open, you're met with the sight of your best friend.

And just as usual she manages to take your breath away. You've never seen anyone like Fukutomi Tsuki. It's like the pureness of her soul has reflected itself in her appearance and with big eyes you take in her angel like face.

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen", she suddenly says and covers her mouth with her pretty hands, her fresh set of nails catching their attention and as you process her words, you enjoy the warmth spreading in your chest.

"I was just about to say the same, my love", you pout and oull her into your arms, the hug a little too tight, too long and too heartfelt for a greeting, yet completely normal for the two of you, "you're so beautiful, Baby. You look like an angel."

As the two of you make your way down the stairs to Jay's and Heeseung's shared appartment, you feel anxiety pooling in the lower bit of your stomach, yet you vehemently refuse to allow your brain to acknowledge the reason behind it.

And as soon as you step into your best friends' apartment, you're met with loud music, the smell of smoke and cologne, alcohol and laughter.

"There she is, my favorite human being to ever exist!", Jaeyun suddenly yells from across the room, the honesty in his words taking away every single bad thought in your brain and before you can even break into a smile, a blushy Heeseung has already opened his arms to welcome you with a bear hug.

Once you've spent a good five minutes just in the birthday boy's embrace, the other two have finally made their way to you, not asking why you're late or where you've been. All they do is hand you a shot and a freshly made cocktail before they pull you into the living room and start introducing you to the people from their workplaces.

And as the alcohol slowly starts finding its way into your system, you finally manage to get rid of every doubt, every worry and every single self hating thought. Right now what matters is to have a good time with your best friends and not your former figure skating partner and the little trophy doll he's got glued to his hips.

You might have given into your desires for once but you'd be dammed if you gave him the satisfaction of seeing you crumble.

← 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 — 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

(A/N2: here it finally is....not gonna lie i'm SUPER nervous about this and genuinely hope you guys like it. I deffo had a lot more fun writing it than I had initially expected. i also randomly decided not to write too muxh about the party bc we have already reached 8.7k words and yeah..no need to overdo it lol 😗🤞🏼 anyway, thank you guys so, so much for all the love and support. i cant wait for your reactions and am sending everyone the biggest kiss ever. ☁️🫧)

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[fairyhaos]

how seventeen help their mentally tired s/o

requested by @mirxzii : fave writer is back!!!! how ab svt with an s/o whos just like really mentally tired and wants to do nothing but sit and cuddle all day

notes: sorry it took me so long to get to this ml :((( i hope you like it!!

masterlist

seungcheol

he's clearing his day schedule, no questions asked. no gym session or meet up with jeonghan or consultation with the company is more important than him being there with you and helping you when you're at your lowest. does whatever you want him to do and then some, scooping you up in his arms and carrying you back to bed and resting you against his chest, running fingers through your hair and down your back until you feel calmer again, calmed by his presence and his care

jeonghan

ur just like him fr. no but in all honesty, his expression honest-to-god just melts into concern when you tell him quietly that you don't really wanna do anything today, and he just pats your hair affectionately and says that's okay baby, it's totally fine to just spend the day in bed. sends you back to bed instantly, and joins you a few minutes after with two mugs of hot chocolate in his hands, smiling and saying that there's no better way to spend a mentally tired day than in bed with a sweet drink beside the person you love

joshua

he gets worried when the hours tick by and you're still not getting out of bed. by the time midday has come and gone and you still haven't come out of your room, he knocks on your door to find you just sitting in bed, staring up at the ceiling. you haven't even opened the curtains yet, and he smiles softly, coaxing you out of bed and trying to get you to eat something and at least take a walk while the sun is still out because he knows that, even when you're as mentally tired as you are right now, you'll feel terrible if you just do nothing and he knows that a walk is a sure way to make you feel a little better <3

junhui

doesn't get the concept of "lying around and doing nothing", at first. comes into ur room w his arms laden with snacks and his laptop, saying that he's gonna keep you company while u do nothing :D!! it takes a minute but he eventually realises u really wanna just do Nothing at all, and he drops all his things to just curl up next to you, tracing mindless shapes into the palm of your hand, and it makes you smile a little, just how willing and eager he is to do his best to take care of you and be by your side

hoshi

cracks his knuckles and is like "get ready to have the best nothingness-filled day of your entire LIFE." and it makes you smile, but also it really is kind of amazing how it does end up being a really good day despite the fact that you do nothing. his voice is the sole thing that fills the air the entire day, either rambling mindlessly or recounting ridiculous events that have happened to him lately. you don't need to respond, don't need to say a word, and you can't help but watch him with adoring eyes the entire time

wonwoo

is genuinely worried that you've caught some sickness, bc it's not normal to see you walking around the house looking so llistless and exhausted. when you admit to him that you just feel so drained mentally, his brow furrows in concern and is instantly drifting toward you, wrapping his arms around you as you finally break. spends the rest of the day by your side, constantly kissing the top of your head and squeezing your hand. doesn't let you do anything strenuous at all, insisting that you just relax

woozi

he can't exactly tell you off for deciding to camp out in your room for the entire day, bc he's had far too many days where he does the exact same thing in his studio. except for you, you're doing it bc you're feeling down, and that will never do. checks up on you frequently, pressing kisses to the top of your head and while he hesitates when you ask for cuddles, he eventually gives in and clambers into bed next to you, bc he can never, ever refuse your requests. especially if they'll help you feel better. 

minghao

you wanna do nothing??? the whole day??? gets worried and says that that's not a very good way to spend your day, but there are phantom tears brimming in your eyes and he can see that you are so close to breaking, so he relents with a smile and a kiss to your forehead, telling you that's fine, just go back to bed and relax. he's a bit busy that day, so you don't expect to see him, but a few moments later he's knocking on your door and peeking in with a smile, prepared to hug you in bed and do nothing with you all day. nothing's more important than being by your side, after all. 

mingyu

mingyu is ridiculously and scarily in tune with your emotions and your mental state. you don't even have to say a word to him: he already knows that you're feeling burnt out, and he's gonna do everything to make you feel better. makes sure your day is as relaxing and calming as possible to make you feel better and is basically rushing around doing everything he thinks will help, until you catch his hand as he scurries past the sofa, admitting that all you really need are some cuddles with your boyfriend. his face lights up with realisation and he sits down next to you, engulfing you in his arms and you've never felt quite so at peace

dokyeom

builds you a blanket fort. even if you wanna do nothing, he wants to to be able to do nothing in style! and honestly, a blanket fort is the best of the best, in his opinion. buries you under pillows and fluffy blankets and gives you a kiss on the forehead and backs out of your room, fully intending to give you some peace and quiet by yourself. comes back not even an hour later tho, bc he was getting kinda bored and even if you're not doing anything, he's always gonna want to spend his day with u

seungkwan

kind of horrified when you tell him that you don't really wanna do anything today, because that's not like you. even when you're tired, you still try and do something, and so this is how he knows that you're truly at your most exhausted. situates you on the sofa, and just. engulfs you in his arms and doesn't let go. watches trashy tv with you and laughs softly at the ridiculous bits, and it makes you smile sleepily against his chest, grateful for how warm and unquestioning and loving seungkwan always, always is

vernon

when you tell him that you wanna do nothing today bc you're feeling mentally drained, he nods slowly and a little confusedly. even as you curl up on the sofa and do absolutely nothing, you still look so sad and exhausted, and he thinks you need more than just a day of nothingness. so he sits down next to you, tapping you on the shoulder and when you turn to him, he wordlessly wraps his arms around you, one hand around your shoulders and the other cradling the back of your head. it's a protective position, and the affection makes you melt, finally feeling the tension in your head begin to ease.

chan

he's looking over you worriedly the entire time as you tell him over breakfast that you don't feel like doing anything that day. he's constantly hovering in your periphery as you settle onto the couch, swathed in blankets, not even bothering to pick up your phone bc you're just so mentally exhausted. finally decides that he can't take seeing you look so exhausted anymore, and drags you outside to take a walk, and you do look a little better afterwards, but it's not until he pulls you into a tight hug when you get home that you finally, finally relax into him

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[chaesparklez]

1.17am | gunwook x afab reader

wc: 2.3k

content: 18+ MINORS DNI

gendered descriptions, ex!bf gunwook, angst, emotional, oral sex f!receiving, heavy petting, rough sex, makeup sex, unprotected sex (practice safe sex yall)

summary: “just look at this, jagi. we’re so good together.”

1.17am. a surprise visit from the person you want to see least. well, maybe not the least…

a/n: sorry for being mia guys!! hope you enjoy this latest piece, i’m not too familiar with writing angst so hopefully it’s not too clunky haha. cross-posted on ao3 & wattpad on user @/chaesparkle.

it had been a long week of work, your social battery too drained to join your friends for a night out. you splay yourself out on the sofa, absentmindedly watching a show and crocheting. a nearby lamp illuminates the room with an atmospheric golden glow.

you sigh. admittedly, part of the reason why you were so drained was because of your ex, gunwook. his work meant you barely saw him for the past few months, eventually feeling like he wasn't making time for you culminating in your breakup. despite his begging to make things right, you just knew things would never work out. clearly he thought differently, as he had been blowing up your phone all day.

why you hadn't simply blocked him yet, you couldn't quite figure out.

a knock at the door.

you frown looking at the clock: 1.17am. who on earth could it be at this hour? you throw a cardigan on and amble towards the door.

"who is it?" you call lazily.

no response. you furrow your brows, pausing for a second before another knock resonates through the room. and you realise. two firm raps followed by another quick tap; you know exactly who was knocking. the blood rushes to your head, face already heating up in anger. you were already having a rough week and now having your space invaded by the last person you wanted to see made you angry.

“what the fuck, gunwook?” you swing the door open. 'texting me hundreds of times wasn't enough so now you show up to my doorstep?'

gunwook stands before you, expression indecipherable. he simply scans you up and down with a dark gaze.

you shake your head in frustration. 'so??'

he slinks past you without a word, making his way into the living room with you following him becoming increasingly mad.

"oh, so you're just gonna waltz into my house then play the silent act? i don't even know why you’re h-"

"because i fucking missed you!!" he shouts, turning towards you finally. his cheeks redden like they always do when he gets emotional, dark eyes blazing.

'you break up with me all of a sudden then expect me to be okay with it?' he continues. he inches closer, towering over you.

you stare up at him, gaze cold and hard.

"it's hilarious" you say, keeping your voice level,  'how you didn't contact me for weeks at a time while we were together and now that im not putting up with your shit anymore you come crawling back.'

"i told you that i'd do better. we can make it work, i'm serious." his tone low.

"why do you keep deluding yourself into thinking you can fix this? you'll literally be touring for the next two months. forget seeing me, you won't even have time to call me."

you feel a lump form in your throat, quickly turning away so he wouldn't see your eyes moisten.

"why don't you have any trust in me?" he says exasperated. he grabs your wrist forcing you to face him.

'please. give me a chance,' he whispers, gaze intently fixed on you.

all this was too overwhelming for you. your exhaustion, him being in your space asking questions you couldn't answer, and in the middle of it all, you being very aware of his closeness to you in this moment, face so close to yours you were tempted to brush the hair out of his eyes...

shut the fuck up, you tell yourself off mentally. you look at gunwook, determined to drive him out.

"why the hell should i trust you?" you say. 'all the missed calls, cancelled dates, all you did was take me for granted.'

"that's not true", his jaw clenching.

"it's how you made me feel."

"you have no idea how *i* feel. i-"

"i do. you're a selfish jerk. you don't give a fuck about me, you don't-"

"LET ME SPEAK!" gunwook yells, voice making a boom that resonates throughout the room. you jump, shocked at the outburst. gunwook looks at you intensely, eyes blazing with passion.

'i missed you everyday. it was hard for me too, spending so much time apart from you and not even being able to contact you because the managers were always watching.'

he takes a step closer.

'i was going to see you first as soon as i came back to korea. but then you texted me all of a sudden saying 'it's over' and then disappeared?? you have no idea how much that broke me.' his voice breaks on the last sentence.

you look up at him sadly, clenching your jaw and trying to control your impulse to hug him. you couldn't. not now. you didn't want to start something you couldn't finish.

"i think you should leave," you say quietly.

gunwook stays standing in the same spot clearly having no intentions to abide by your words. he inches closer to you, eyes shining.

"stop. gunwook, i said don't come closer," you warn as he takes slow steps towards you.

the look in his eyes made you nervous. it was the way he'd look at you before you'd leave a party together, giving your thigh a quick squeeze with you both knowing exactly what the night was in for.

'gunwook, seriously...' you breathe, your breath quickening. he continues to approach you silently with that intent look in his eyes, staring down at you fervently.

'really i don't think we should-' you begin to say before a long finger rests on your lips shushing you.

"quiet." he says in a lowered voice.

his hand rests on the wall beside you, his face inches from yours. he cocks his head to the side with a smile. your pupils waver as you look up at him.

"got anything else to say?" gunwook whispers, pinning you against the wall. he smirks.

a hand roams down to the waistband of your shorts, cool fingers meeting the heat of your center. you can't help but let out a shaky sigh, having forgotten what this felt like in the time you spent apart.

you stare at him fervently. tall, broad shoulders, and those determined eyes that'd observe every detail of the way your body responded to him.

and the expression on your face is more than enough to let gunwook know how you feel. you want him. all of him.

you both melt into a mess in each other's arms. your hands locked behind his neck, his enveloping your waist as you share a rough, sloppy kiss. as if you're both trying to consume eachother, as if you're making up for lost time.

his full lips lock around yours, the heat of your tongues melding as you both kiss passionately, not even moving in time as your mutual desperation drives you to take in as much of each other as you can.

you pull him closer by the collar and run your hands through his thick black hair. you bite gently on his full bottom lip and he kisses you harder, tongue exploring your mouth tasting you.

a trail of hurriedly removed clothes is splayed on the floor behind you as you lay under him on the sofa. with his body on top of you, the heat of his milky skin against yours has a flush rising in your center. you drag a hand from his broad chest down to his toned abs, and he gazes at you beneath him with all the yearning in the world behind those brown eyes. he leaves warm kisses trailing down your body, the tingle of his breath on your flesh sending a shiver down your spine so you arch into his touch. he looks down at you with an intoxicating gaze, a large hand enveloping the curve of your waist, and kisses your stomach.

"i missed this so badly," he says in a lowered voice.

he positions your legs to rest on his shoulders and begins to plant open-mouthed kisses on your inner thighs. you gasp, the muscles in your thighs contracting. his tongue makes contact with your throbbing pussy, lewdly licking a stripe up your slit. your eyes flutter shut as he begins to work his magic on your center, the movements of his tongue slow and sensual at first, then increasing in speed as your hips began to undulate against his mouth, your body begging for more.

his tongue runs up and down your folds, your thighs trembling but remaining firmly locked in place by his firm grip. he laps up your arousal like a dog thirsty for water, the view of your breasts jolting as you reacted to his touch further motivating him to deepen his movements.

you moan desperately and throw your head back. his grip on your flesh tightens and he moans against your clit, the vibration sending another wave of pleasure through your body. you peer down at him and feel your center flutter at the view; his muscled arms flexing wrapped around your thighs, face buried in your pussy letting out impassioned moans.

you lace a hand through his thick hair, tugging gently and moaning as he continues stimulating your clit. you make eye contact, a faint blush seeping across your cheeks at the intensity of his gaze. he picks up the pace and you let out a yelp. the relentless flicks of his tongue against your clit having your hips rolling against his tongue more and more deeply.

fuck, you really did miss him.

you plead in a shaky voice: "gunwook.. need you inside me..." and he retracts slowly from your center, almost reluctantly as he breaks out of his daze.

"oh yeah?" he asks with a sly smirk. 'guess you missed this a lot, huh?' he begins to kiss your neck lazily, his hand roaming your body again.

"s-so full of yourself.." you stutter, unable to deliver this remark as bitingly as you intend as he pinches your nipple lightly.

"don't i have a right to be?" he smiles. continuing to caress you. 'after all..' he whispers, 'isn't this what you missed the most after i came back from overseas schedules?'

his long fingers are now between your legs, rubbing along the length of your center and drawing circles around your clit. you let out a moan, stomach contracting in pleasure as your hips rise to ask for more again. gunwook really did know you inside and out. exactly how to touch you so you'd be gasping and arching into him.

he aligns his erect cock with your pussy, tip red and leaking a bead of precum. as he pushes his length inside you, you throw your head back and gasp for air at the feeling of him filling you up. his massive length still had you gasping for air even though you'd had sex countless times already. he lets out a deep moan at the way your pussy wraps around his cock and begins to move his hips, thrusting deeper inside you.

you lock your fingers around his neck so you're inches apart from eachothers faces, both hearing eachothers breathy sighs of exhilaration. his weight on top of you makes you feel engulfed in him.

gunwook's cheeks are flushed, his eyes slanted and locked on yours as you moan and whimper looking into his eyes with each thrust. he adjusts his hips so his cock starts to hit that spot deep inside you with every thrust, prompting a loud "fuck!" from you.

your pussy clenches around his length deliciously, and he can't help but squeeze his eyes shut and moan into your neck.

"fuck, jagi... feels like this pussy was made for me," he breathes.

"don't.. call me jagi.." you protest weakly between thrusts, not sure you even believe your own words at this point.

he lets out a breathy laugh and his pace quickens.

"or what?" he challenges, his voice low and husky in your ear.

his thrusts become faster and harder so you scream out in ecstasy, his strong thrusts having you moaning and gasping for air.

"ah, j-just like that.. fuck!" you cry between moans.

gunwook starts to rub circles on your clit again sending another wave of pleasure crashing over you, the overstimulation making your head spin. your hands claw helplessly at his broad back leaving red scratches in their wake. your eyes begin to water and you look at him through half-lidded eyes, his gaze meeting yours with the same emotions. his bangs are damp from perspiration, hair falling into his narrowed eyes.

"gunwook- i- please-" you stutter out before screwing your eyes shut, your jaw open in a fixed contortion of pleasure.

"what was that, jagi? can't hear you." he chuckles with a raspy voice.

the view of you overstimulated and teary eyed, literally fucked dumb, drives gunwook crazy. he lets out a raspy sigh as he watches his length moving in and out of you. your pussy is dripping wet, the sound of skin slapping against skin so raw and visceral that you both start to cum. your hips begin to rut against his, your movements and impassioned breaths syncing with eachother in time. he moans, forehead against yours.

you gaze blearily and kiss him passionately. your climax begins to run through you and you moan between his lips, your cries becoming louder as he fucks you through your orgasm.

"ah, gunwook!" you throw your head back and cry out at the feeling of his cock pushing inside you as your walls contract around him, practically having you seeing stars.

gunwook lets out a constrained grunt as he reaches his climax, biceps flexing as he grips the arm of the sofa. with a final impassioned thrust he pulls out just as he cums, hot sticky fluid coating your stomach. he sinks on top of you as you both catch your breath, a mess of slick and perspiration. your arms are wrapped around his back as he sinks his head into your neck, warm breath tickling your skin.

he gazes at you laying before him staring up at him through half-lidded eyes.

"just look at this, jagi. we're so good together." he breathes.

you regard him with half-lidded eyes, chest rising and falling against his.

"should we… start over?" you whisper.

[afterglowkatie]

someone better | l.w.

leah williamson x reader | 2.6k | There was always someone better. You never felt like you’re enough for anyone, especially not yourself. Would anyone really miss you?

ˏˋ°•*⁀ Heavy themes include: suicidal thoughts, depression, low mental health, thoughts about a suicide attempt, intrusive thoughts, negative thoughts. Please read if you can handle things like that. sorry if it doesn't make sense, it's essentially a vent fic i just needed to get things out it's been a low day so yeah

The air was crisp. You could see your own breath, which would’ve been amusing when you were a kid but now it was a reminder that you were alive. You didn’t mind the cold, at least it gave you something to feel other than the numbness that had taken over your body. The rooftop access in your apartment building wasn’t secured and was never monitored so you found peace in sneaking up onto the rooftop to think and reflect. Seeing the city’s skyline, it was beautiful. A stark contrast to the awful thoughts that plagued your mind. 

Watching the lights shimmering below, all the people that wandered the streets below, all the people that were in their own apartments, yet you never felt more alone than you do right now. A bit ironic. Shakily taking a breath, you decided to sit lean against the edge of the building and let your thoughts consume you. There was no stopping it so why not let your mind run free when you’re in a space without any interruptions. Even if letting your mind run free meant it was slowly killing you in the process.

The thought of death was always in the back of your mind, occasionally making its way to the front when you thought you had exhausted all your other coping mechanisms. Another irony, when you were younger you were always afraid of death. Afraid of dying, but now more than ever it was what you craved. You would happily welcome death if it meant you could disappear from life to never return. Never having to face the pain and suffering of everyday life again.

It’s not like anyone would miss you, or even notice or care that you were gone. That was it really, no one needed you. A hard thought to stomach, one that made your head spin, that made you fall deeper than you already were. They all had someone better, someone more important to them than you were. You were always just someone they could use to fill the time before someone better came along.

Every time you got attached to someone, you’d eventually lose whatever friendship you had with them. A ‘filler friend’, you would call yourself. The one no one thought about unless they needed you or if they had no one else. Always a last resort, never a first choice. No one would truly miss you. They might say they do but a day later they’d go about life like normal and never think or say your name again. You knew these thoughts were irrational to an extent, although the part of you that believed that these negative thoughts were the truth always won. This was the truth that others were afraid of telling you. The truth you had to tell yourself.

You had convinced yourself that all you do is break, burn and drain the life out of others. Always trying to be the person they needed, the person they wanted you to be regardless of your own feelings and pain. Which you obliged, learning from a young age that all you had was yourself. Your own problems and thoughts were only yours to carry. Quickly learning to suppress emotions, fake smiles, and keep a bubbly personality around anyone else. No one needed to be burdened by you, your absence in life would be a blessing, even if no one else knew it yet they would realise not long after you’d left.

But that’s the thing, everyone else in your past had left or moved on. What made anyone else at Arsenal any different? It would be silly to think that this club would stay the same until everyone ended their careers. You all seemed like a family, but even families broke apart. It would also be silly to think that even if everyone separated that you would all stay in contact. Maybe for a little while but it wouldn’t take long before everyone drifted apart from each other, before anyone drifted apart from you. You thought you were easily forgotten. So what difference would it make if you decided to leave now? You were tired of trying to live. Trying to live to everyone’s expectations of who you were and who you should be.

You were more than grateful for how far football has come and thankful for all the fans and support from everyone online and in person. But with that continued to grow the expectations you had to live up to. You were the team’s ray of sunshine. Even the fans saw you that way. You were the one that gave everyone hope. Always knowing how to help lift your teammates up when they were feeling low, especially after a loss of an important match. You never wanted anyone to feel the way you felt now, the way you had always felt. Which is why you continued to put that weight on yourself.

Though being the team’s source of positivity and hope was exhausting. You were getting tired and felt that no one noticed how broken you had become on the inside. Slowly becoming a shell of who you once were, but you would try your best to never let anyone see. Especially not let your teammates see. You were good at that. At never letting anyone in enough for them to see how much pain you suppress each day. No one had to see how much you tear yourself apart just to be enough. To be enough for them, enough for a friendship you saw them all have with each other. 

Friendships were hard, you weren’t funny or interesting enough to keep anyone around for long. Your insecurities were always eating you alive. You found comfort in the coldness of the night more often than you would’ve liked to admit. Your midnight rooftop escapes were becoming more frequent, less time spent in bed and less time spent sleeping. It gives you more time to reflect. Typically hyperfocusing and reflecting on the way each individual group within the team interacted with each other. Always wishing you were enough to have a friendship that they all seemed to have with each other. Sometimes it felt like you were an outsider looking in.

It’s how it always went. You tried to put your all, your entire heart, into friendships and trying to keep connections with others. But it was all so exhausting and tiring. Past experiences constantly kept tainting any new opportunities. People in your past thought it was easier to constantly fumble and drop your heart, letting it shatter into tiny pieces leaving you to try to put it back together before the next person came along to do the exact same. You were used to the cycle, it had happened growing up within your family home life, within your last club, it was exhausting. It left you feeling constantly broken and empty and thinking that maybe you just weren’t deserving of a deeper friendship. Part of you likes to believe that you are deserving but lately it has been harder and harder to believe in that. It has become harder and harder to believe that if you stuck around long enough that things would change, that you would find what you were yearning for. But at the end of the day, who would want someone like you in their life?

Maybe you overthink too much, perhaps you let your mind have too much free range that it makes you believe these awful thoughts. That it makes you believe no one enjoys your company and that everyone would be better off without you. You didn’t know how to control them once they started. Your mind just taking you through each one of your teammates, showing you they were fine without you, better off without you in their lives. 

Though your mind would happily let you forget and not notice how much everyone in the team cared for you. How they had started to notice that you were slowly fading away. You never saw the hushed whispers and how the group conversations had started to slowly shift into others voicing their worries and concerns for you. You were always so lost in your mind during these episodes that you missed the way you gained extra attention from Leah. Leah was always quite attentive and never failed to notice changes in you.

Finally feeling the chill of the air, you blew heat into your hands rubbing them together. Leaning against the edge you looked down. The thoughts to end everything then and there easily slipped into your mind. It was high enough that it would be a definite permanent action, but you could never bring yourself to follow through. Though tonight, everything telling you to follow through with your thoughts were louder than they had ever been. Closing your eyes, you inhaled deeply. The cold air burning your lungs. The burning feeling you had become used to the more you spent out at nights. Somehow your body could feel numb and on fire at the same time. Perhaps it was just your anxiety but you would never admit to that. Admitting to your feelings is acknowledging that they’re there and that there’s a problem you had to fix. You’d rather pretend.

Looking down once more you were reminded of the one constant you had in your life. The one person who made you feel everything, the one that could make you believe life was worth living. Leah. Were you selfish for feeling this way when you had someone who would give you the world, who would give you everything she had? You felt selfish, that’s for sure. Leah was always enough for you, but there was that one part of you that wanted a friendship so similar to the friendship Leah provided for you before your relationship turned into something more than friends. Thinking about Leah gave you a semblance of hope. A continued faith that you’ll be okay in the long term, a reminder that right now was a short term feeling.

Turning away from the edge and the sidewalk that was calling your name, you decided to go back to the warmth of your apartment and the person who was currently occupying one side of your bed. Rubbing your arms, trying to defrost a little before climbing in beside Leah. You didn’t want to share the coldness that plagued your body when all she ever offered you was warmth, both physically and mentally. Leah looked peaceful while she slept, you smiled. It wasn’t big but it was real. Your smile around Leah was always real, no matter how small. You love Leah, and if you couldn’t live for yourself you would do it all for her. Eventually you would be able to do it for yourself, but anything that helped keep you here, keep you alive was enough until you could manage to want it for yourself.

Leah knew how much you were trying. She saw the pain in your eyes, she knew you well enough to be able to see right through you. You never liked to keep things from Leah, but you could never find the right words to tell her so you silently hoped she could see. Leah knew you went up to the rooftop most nights, but she also knew you were strong enough to pull yourself away and back into her arms when you needed it. She had followed you up to the rooftop, curious to see where you had been spending your nights. She watched from afar, worried since you were too close to the edge for her liking. But then she saw the way you were able to take yourself away from the edge and back down. 

Leah watched from afar for a little while. Every single time you came back down to bed Leah would give you endless amounts of love and support. Whispering words of encouragement and praise that you didn’t think you needed to hear. Leah trusts that you would come to her if your thoughts ever got too much. And as much as you wouldn’t want to burden her, you also know deep down you would seek her out instead of following over the edge of the rooftop.

Every time she was thankful to see you walk back through the doors to your apartment, to your room, even if you hardly slept she knew you were safe. Knowing that you wouldn’t accept the help from anyone if they offered it outright, Leah would help you in other ways. Subtle ways that you hadn’t completely noticed yet. Leah would make sure all the laundry was done, folded and put away. She watered all the plants you had forgotten about so they wouldn’t die and when you left this episode you wouldn’t feel bad for neglecting your babies. Leah would give you a routine that you followed each day so you didn’t have to use up the energy you needed to use to fight on something mundane, on something Leah could do for you. 

She wanted you to be able to give your all into this fight, one she knew you would be doing on and off for the rest of your life. But if it meant having you around then she would do whatever it took. Leah knew you were capable of taking care of yourself but she also knows how hard it can be to get up and fight to live every day. Leah was proud of you for continuing to get through every day.

Leah smiled when she woke up to you climbing into bed, before dawn she noticed which was a new record for you lately. Instantly Leah was in your embrace, the smile on her face just from your presence lulled the screaming thoughts enough for you to believe you could have some sense of sleep.

‘I hope it wasn’t too cold out there tonight,’ Leah’s voice was low and raspy, a mix of trying to not be too loud with it being so late in the night along with having just woken up, ‘Wouldn’t want you to catch a cold baby,’ Leaning down you placed a kiss on the top of her head, her thoughtfulness was comforting.

‘You don’t have to worry about me Le,’ You felt her body suddenly stiffen at your words, tending to overanalyse your words and thinking the worst, ‘You’re stuck with me forever babe,’ A small chuckle left your lips and Leah started to relax again in your arms. Maybe you weren’t a problem in people’s lives, maybe you needed better judgement on who to give your heart to. Giving your heart to Leah was easy, you know she’ll keep it safe. Romance always comes easily to you. Giving your heart to a friend was where you struggled. But now wasn’t the time to lose yourself again.

‘Never forget you have a place in this world. You’re special, important and loved,’ Leah always knew what to say and when to say it. It was like she could read your mind, which at times scared you, ‘I love you,’

‘I love you too, Le,’ Holding her close gave you hope that one day you could feel whole again, ‘Now, my love, you need to sleep,’ Even though she was in and out of sleep you could still cause a faint blush to spread across her face just from your words.

‘Only if you sleep,’ Before Leah knew it she had fallen back to sleep. Watching Leah sleep, you like to believe her peaceful aura would send you to sleep and that it wasn’t you falling asleep from pure exhaustion. Your fight was far from over, you were only just beginning but she gave you the strength you needed each day to make progress. Always reminding you on days you made no progress that waking up and living was progress enough. Making it through each day, no matter what, was enough. You were enough for Leah. You were enough for everyone else around you. You just had to believe to be enough for yourself.

[oursecretways]

7. He calms you down while you're having a panic attack, PART 2

idol!Lee Know × fem!Reader note(s): gahhh i hate how i have to take it apart makes me want to post my works somewhere else too so I can post my works all together. genre(s): angst, fluff word count: 1.1k all together warning(s): reader having a panic attack, strong language, toxic work environment being called “baby” and “love” a lot

masterlist ║ invisible ask game ║part one

Once you got into the room, and saw him looking at you from the mirror, you broke down; the tears kept coming from your eyes, seemingly unable to stop, which didn’t help your hyperventilation. Lee Know stopped the music and went up to you as fast as he could. He has never seen you like this. So broken, so lost. “Baby? Love? Y/N? C’mon baby, talk to me” He called you multiple times before you even heard his voice. He pulled you in a hug, who knows how long you have been in his arms. “Don’t need to talk, baby, it is enough if you nod. Is it work?” you nodded. Minho knew how work stresses you out lately, and how your project manager been on your ass for the smallest of things. It angered him, he couldn’t understand why Mr. Whang is so hung up on you. He has seen how drained you have been lately,but he feels like this is a new low you’ve hit. “Okay, love, you don’t need to anything else, but breathe with me. Just mimic my rhythm, okay? Can you do that to me, cutie?” You nod, and try your best to comply. It was hard at first, but it got better. It took a lot out of you to pay attention to your breathing. Once you calmed a little and started feeling the numbness-needles in your limbs, you felt how your partner been caressing your back in a circular motion. When he figured you calmed down enough, he told you to keep the paste and called Chan up to let him know that he will continue tomorrow, but he needed to take care of you first. Thankfully the boys know you well, you all consider each other as friends, so Chris understood it, not like Minho does this often. Everyone knows that when he tells you that something is up, then things are pretty damn serious. He only let you go to grab his stuff and car keys. He got you into your designed passenger princess place, and got into the driving seat. “Before we go home, would you like any food?” You just silently shook your head, staring at your hands. You were exhausted, to say the least. He took your hands into his. The car drive was silent except the rain hitting the car and his singing. This was one of your favorite activity when it was raining: driving around and listening to his angelic voice.

Once you got home, he brewed some herbal tea, and ordered your most liked fast food. He cuddled up to you on the couch, letting you tell him what happened, which made him furious. After Minho made sure you ate, and calmed down, he let you sleep on the couch intertwined with him. Knowing that it has been a really hard day for you, he took a mental note to convince you to quit that stupid job.

[elzdaizy]

Trouble After Paradise (Part 1)

Warnings: lots of angst, conflict, explicit language.

Summary of short story: Reader and Harry have returned from their honeymoon to a harsh reality and their first huge hurdle as a married couple.

A/N: This is 1 of 3 parts. Enjoy! Just a little short story idea i had and wanted to share with you all.

It’s been four weeks since you returned home from your honeymoon in Costa Rica and you’ve found yourself reminiscing constantly on that magical holiday.

To say the least, things have took a turn for the worst since you and Harry got home.

You were bombarded with mountains of piles of work to get through because there was no one to fill your position whilst you’d taken the month off leading up to your wedding, including the honeymoon.

Harry had started filming his next movie, one that was mentally draining due to his character being a very unwell mental patient at a psychiatric hospital.

You worked from seven in the morning until four in the afternoon in the office but always brought home some work to do which kept you busy until about eight at night when you’d get into bed.

Weekends were exhausting as well, you were catching up with friends and family after basically being off the grid throughout the week.

Harry’s shooting location, thankfully, was only a few hours away up north in Manchester so he managed to be home often between breaks but unfortunately meant that he wasn’t home with you for periods of times.

He tries his best to be at home with you on the weekends but his schedule doesn’t work that way all the time. On average you probably see each other a total of two days out of the week and it’s been this way the past four weeks.

You’ve both been so busy, you’ve barely had the time to live life together as a married couple. There’s a tension building full of stress and exhaustion on both ends of your marriage. You find yourselves bickering when you’re together and getting on each other’s nerves more than ever before.

You know it’s because you’re equally annoyed with yourselves and each other with the current situation.

It’s 8pm on a Friday night and Harry called you earlier that morning to let you know he’s coming home today at around 6:30pm and will be able to stay the full week until he’s off again. He asked for you to pick him up from the station because he had booked a meal at The Ivy for 8pm. You of course said yes. You were so excited to hear the news, you felt tears well up in your eyes. “I really can’t wait, I miss you so much.” You replied before you both said your goodbyes and I love you’s before hanging up.

What you didn’t know was that working would be busier than ever that Friday and now you’re still in the office trying to hurry up and finish off one last piece of paper work to be sent off to your client before the weekend. Your phone had died two hours ago and Harry hadn’t contacted you before it died so you weren’t too concerned that he would’ve tried to since then.

You could cry out of frustration. You purposely stayed back to get all this extra work done so you could book off Monday and Tuesday to extend your weekend to spend some time with your husband.

Half an hour later, you finally send the email and pack up your stuff. You race to your car and make your way home. The door is unlocked when you go to turn the key and your heart skips a beat when you realise that Harry must be home.

The lights are all off downstairs which is odd so you make your way upstairs to your bedroom to find Harry sat on the edge of the bed in just his underwear and his phone in his hands.

“Hi, baby.” You softly speak up as you walk through the door and put your bag and coat over the chair in the corner of the room.

Harry glances at you over his shoulder briefly without so much as a tiny acknowledgment of your presence before looking back to his phone.

You frown, thinking his behaviour seems a bit off. The energy in the room seems low and you can sense he’s not in a good mood.

You walk over to him, a hand on his shoulder and the other hand reaching to lift his head by tilting his chin in your direction for him to look up at you. As soon as you try to lean forward to place a kiss to his lips he yanks his head away from your touch and rolls his eyes, letting out a huff.

You step back, very offended and extremely hurt by his cold actions.

“Fuck you, then.” You throw your hands up and storm away to head downstairs to the kitchen. You’re literally trying so hard not to break down and cry right now so you’re pacing around your kitchen, breathing heavily for a few moments then deciding to pour yourself a large glass of wine.

You almost down the first glass. The second one being poured less than five minutes later. You’re just stood by your kitchen island with a glass of wine in one hand and thoughts racing around your mind as you try to figure out why your husband seems to despise you at the moment.

You soon realise it could possibly be the fact that your phone was dead and maybe he was trying to get ahold of you.

You start to feel a pit of guilt in your stomach when you take your phone from your pocket and plug it into the charger point next to your toaster.

You finish your second glass of wine once your phone switches on and your eyes widen when you notice the ten missed calls and five unread messages from Harry.

You read the texts carefully one at a time.

From Harry:

6:09pm - l’m fifteen minutes away from the station if you want to set off now. Love you. Xx

6:30pm - Where are you? I’m waiting near the security box until you’re here. Xx

6:53pm - I’ve rung you five times and you’re not answering so I’m making my own way home now.

7:26pm - Why aren’t you answering and why aren’t you at home? You do realise we have to be at The Ivy in half an hour.

8:03pm - cancelled the booking. If you read this before you come home - don’t bother me when you get in, I can’t be arsed with this tonight.

You heart feels like it’s going to stop. You have never felt more terrible in your life. You feel like a punch to the gut is what you deserve right now and nothing less. And to think, you literally just spat in his face and said fuck you to him, still not realising what you’d done.

You were so fixated on wanting to spend the week with Harry that you’d completely forgotten about picking him up and going out for dinner tonight.

You were a little drunk and very upset with yourself so of course the only thing currently you did was start to cry. You sat on a stool at your island, lent your elbows on the countertop, put your face in your hands and sobbed. Sobbed for your husband and how upset he must be feeling. Sobbed at the realisation of how much you hurt him and let him down. You felt like a failure.

After about thirty minutes of letting your feelings flow out of your system uncontrollably, you composed yourself and prepared yourself to go and apologise profusely. You’d gone over what to say in your head a million times and nothing sounded good enough but you know the least he deserves is an apology rather than an explanation or excuse right now.

Your face is puffy and red from the crying as you shakily walk up the stairs to your room and find Harry is now laying under the covers with the tv on, watching a movie with a deep frown on his face. As if he’s in deep thought rather than paying attention to the screen.

You push the door open gently and let yourself in. Basically walking with your tail between your legs, you can barely look at him as you sit on the bottom corner of the bed on your side. You couldn’t be further away from him on the bed if you tried.

“Harry, I’m so sorry.” You croak. Lips quivering as you fight the urge to break down crying again. You finally look at him after your first attempt at the beginning of a long apology. He’s ignoring you. Keeping his eyes fixed on the screen and his arms crossed over his chest.

You decide to keep speaking, “I completely understand why you’re angry and I don’t want to give myself any excuses for-.”

He reaches for the remote and turns up the volume to drown out your voice.

You let out a shaky sigh. A tear slipping down your cheek. “I didn’t ignore you on purpose- look, can you please just say something?” You beg pathetically and Harry’s head turns as his eyes look at you with anger.

“Told you I can’t be fucked with this tonight just leave me alone, please.” He sighs in annoyance before completely turning his back to you as he lays on his side.

You really don’t know what to say now. You didn’t expect this reaction from him. He’s never been this angry with you before and it’s terrifying you slightly because you really can’t cope with it. You don’t even care if he shouts at this point, you just want more of a reaction from him.

He has every right to feel the way he does, you know that. You hate going to sleep on bad terms though. You both agreed to always resolve conflicts before getting into bed because you never wanted to be that couple that gets into fights and makes one or the other sleep on the sofa.

It seems like it’s going to be that way tonight though. You don’t want to say another word because you don’t want to make it worse. Even though you know you won’t get much sleep, you decide to go sleep downstairs on the couch. You could go sleep in the spare room but you need a tv to distract you from your racing thoughts so the living room it is.

You get up from the bed, go take a quick shower and change into your pyjamas before grabbing your pillow from your side of the bed and walking towards the door.

“Goodnight, Harry. I love you.” You say to him softly before closing the door behind yourself and making your way downstairs.

You turn on a shitty reality show to fall asleep too. It takes a few hours but eventually you drift off.

The next morning you’re awoken by the sound of the blender rattling off in the kitchen. You feel at peace for a split second as your groggy memory clears up as your consciousness comes back, along with the awful events of last night. You grimace start yourself as you sit up on the couch and turn around to see Harry standing in the kitchen, making himself a smoothie, dressed in his running gear.

It mustn’t be any later than 6am because he only likes going running at the crack of dawn. He hasn’t noticed that you’re awake yet but you know he’s still fuming by the look on his face.

Now that you’re not intoxicated and knowing it’s a new day, you’re determined to resolve this issue very soon. You don’t want to waste any more of the short time you two have together for the next four days being bitter.

You get up from the couch and stretch before walking over to the kitchen island and taking a seat on the stool you were sobbing on last night.

“Morning.” You say with a tired voice as Harry still hasn’t acknowledged you whilst he’s cleaning up some dishes. You’re both facing each other on opposite sides of the island.

Harry looks up at you frowning and doesn’t reply so you take it as your queue to go in strong with all guns blazing.

“Can we please talk about this now?” You plead. Harry just deadpans and looks at you with a look that tells you no as he picks up his AirPods and puts them in as he makes his way to the door to go on his run.

“What the actual fuck! This is an actual fucking nightmare.” You frustratingly shout to no one but yourself after Harry closes the door on his way out.

[punkpandapatrixk]

💓Heartbeat Disco ☆ Timeless Tarot Guidance

Elements/Signs in this reading are calibrated to all aenergetic placements. Feel free to read as many Elements/Signs as you feel called to at this point in your spiritual evolution♡

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Are you feeling this aenergy of a Higher Romance that’s been pouring unto Earth this year? Earth’s temperatures are finally changing and so many Destined Lovers are going to find each other in the coming decades. I hope you’re excited for that for yourself~ You might just get a heartbeat disco this year and I hope that gets you enjoying Life and Love all over again! ☆

Fated encounters? Honest romance? Love that doesn’t leave you guessing? What’s coming to you in Love within the year you’re seeing this reading?! I hope your happiness is here to stay finally~♪

☆♪°・. aenergetic companion PAC ☆♪°・.

[PAG Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Heartbeat Disco for 🐞Fire Signs – Gold Astrologer (Simon Forman)

Page of Cups, 8 of Swords, 6 of Pentacles

This year, Fire Signs, you are going to meet very interesting people that will make your heart flutter. This isn’t just about romance but a real sense of human connection that makes you understand, finally, that good people really do exist. And you’ll be glad you never lost hope in people—at least, not entirely XD The people you’ll be encountering are either younger than you in age or they simply exude a joyful and optimistic aura. These people are going to pull you into their worlds—their worlds are very exciting. You just need to know that you, too, have a place in those worlds.

Up until now, you’ve lived under the impression that you’d never amount to anything. This was all a mind game though; perhaps your society made you believe that someone from your country or background would never be able to be where you dream to be; perhaps you were gaslit since childhood, being made to believe that you’re worthless; perhaps there were many evil whispers about your power and talents. All’s a mind game. You’re getting out of that fuck-fog; you’re seeing your true worth now and you have been magnetising your Tribe.

This year—whatever year you’re finding this reading—you’re on the fast track towards your Soul Tribe and that place you belong to. On this new land, on this new landscape, you will be sharing positive aenergies and ideas with people who are similar to you not only in character but also in dreams and ambitions. For the first time ever, you will truly know what it feels like to have a ‘family’. And this family is so much better than you could’ve ever imagined~🍀

Oracle Guidance for Fire Signs🔻❤️

🐏Aries – Priestess of Prosperity

🦁Leo – Priestess of Luxury

🎠Sagittarius – Priestess of Luck

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Heartbeat Disco for 🐍Earth Signs – Red Alchemist (John Dee)

3 of Cups Rx, Queen of Cups Rx, 8 of Wands

Wow, seems you’ve been through some betrayals up until this point. It could also be a feeling of being disappointed in people—people or communities you thought had your best interests. For quite a while now, I think you’ve been in a purging phase. Ridding yourself of attachments and expectations that no longer served your highest good. It seems to me this year you’re still gonna be in that phase. This year is probably your last leg of the purging process though.

This whole being isolated, being alone, keeping to your own, learning to care for your mental health, has been necessary as part of your growing up. This is integral to your character/story development. Your Higher Self (and likely your ancestors, too) wanted to shield you from outside forces—vampiric forces—that would’ve drunk from your aenergy constantly, leaving you mentally drained and exhausted.

This year could be your last year of being alone in that sense—or maybe some time beginning next year. Your new chapter of better communications and better connections with high-quality people is only beginning to unfold. It hasn’t even started yet, dang. So keep going and be expectant for what’s to come. You have high places to go and powerful/inspirational people to meet. Your glorious days are yet to come, babe~🥂

Oracle Guidance for Earth Signs🔻💚

🐂Taurus – Priestess of Ritual

🧘🏻‍♀️Virgo – Priestess of Opulence

🐐Capricorn – Priestess of Inspiration

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Heartbeat Disco for ⛲Air Signs – Gold Astronomer (John Dee)

Knight of Cups, 9 of Wands Rx, Knight of Wands

Have you been wishing upon a star for a healthy Love? Seems like lately there’s been a love song in your heart <3 Seems like your Higher Self is announcing the advent of someone special this year hahah Of all the Signs, Air and Water seem like they’re going to be having the hardest heartbeat disco LMAO A destined encounter is very likely to happen for Air Signs this year. I sense you’re on the trajectory of a Soul Mission. I know you’ve been having signs and synchronicities. Your Spirit Guides have been giving you premonitions~

You’re seriously coming out of a karmic loop where in the past relationships were always taxing on your emotions, and simply, difficult/confusing to navigate. You’ve done all the inner work now. Starting this year, it’s like you’ve transported yourself into a different timeline altogether and you will start meeting very important Souls throughout the next chapter of your Life. In what ways are they important? All ways! You’ll know when you meet them! The excitement in your heart will tell you what purpose each Soul is meant to serve in your Story.

Some may lead you towards your Life Purpose; some may really carry you through the storms so you get to your Life Purpose; some may work with you as part of your collective dharmic Life Purpose. The scenarios vary but the people you will begin to meet starting this year are those that will make you fall in love with Life and yourself again. For some, romance may not seem all too close this year because you’re really working on your enterprise, but that surely can come later, right? XD

Oracle Guidance for Air Signs🔻💙

👯Gemini – Priestess of Intellect

⚖️Libra – Priestess of Illumination

🏺Aquarius – Priestess of Enchantment

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Heartbeat Disco for 🐝Water Signs – Silver Astronomer (Galileo Galilei)

4 of Pentacles Rx, 4 of Swords Rx, 5 of Swords Rx

Ready to mingle, Water Signs? :D Y’all seem to be the peeps who are most ready to re-enter society LOL You’re the ones who have been most disciplined in your healing and transformation. I sense this is especially the case if Water is your Moon or Ascendant! And to some extent, if Water is your North Node or the NN is in a Water House. Anyway, you’ve done such a marvellous inner work all by yourself, isolated from society and some of you have probably been dealing with curses and financial misery and whatnot. You’ve been keeping your chin up tho! The time for you to get rich, mingling, and be of assistance to others is NOW!

If you’ve not been able to go out or work regularly or even hold a decent conversation with anyone, soon you’ll see that you’re coming back to your healthy self. It’s your psychology that you’ve been working so hard on fixing and healing. This year is the end of all your spiritual struggles. You’re coming into your authentic power, your authentic expression. You don’t care anymore and you won’t be easily triggered by what used to depress you so much before. You’ve won this WAR against frequencies that were trying to destroy you from the inside!

I’m actually seeing bombs raining down on whoever tried to mess with you up until recently XD All of the bad karma, all of the negative thought-forms formed against you are firing back at their generator(s). You’re safe. You’re on calm shores now. And moving forward, you’re going to be surrounded by new friends and family who are going to be so supportive as well as protective of you. Congratulations! Love is in the aethers for you! Claim it~ Aaaahh! <3<3<3 Happiness is the most potent revenge on those who wished death upon your Light!

Oracle Guidance for Water Signs🔻💛

🦀Cancer – Priestess of Healing

🦂Scorpio – Priestess of Solitude

🎏Pisces – Priestess of Love

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

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[lightsovermonaco]

Wedding Date, Part 1 (Pato O'Ward)

an: requests and comments always welcome! There will be at least two more parts to this series.

wc: 4900

Summary: Pato is in need of a wedding date, desperately. Despite hating him, and despite him knowing it, he asks you to be his date and you agree.

"I need a date to this wedding next weekend."

"So? Take your sister." You don't bother to look up from the magazine you flip through. Pato is always in need of a date for something and he always takes his sister. If she's busy, he'll take his mother, or a cousin, or another relative until he's exhausted all options. You're not entirely sure why he's pacing in his trailer now like a caged beast, because even if by some rarity they were all busy, there's a slew of women around the paddock that would jump at the chance to go with him... just not you.

Your distaste of Pato began long before you were ‘promoted’ to the glamorous role of being his pseudo-handler. His flirtatious personality, womanizing one liners and general flippant humor surrounding racing rubs you the wrong way. Racing is a serious business and should be treated as such. It's his lifeblood, not a hobby. Some days you question his dedication, honestly- but voicing said opinions isn't your place. 

Oh, and women. He loves women, too. And the occasional man- You don’t judge him on that front, but god would it kill him to be discreet?

Besides- he's so loud, physically as well as mentally. Being around Pato drains your social battery quicker than a meeting with Zac Brown, and that's saying something. All the Mexican driver does is yap- and not in the fun, gossipy way that people do with their friends.  

In short, you cannot stand the man and would rather walk a mile over hot coals than spend an unnecessary minute with him. 

However, unfortunately for you, your exemplary ability to separate your personal feelings from your work made you the prime candidate for being an assistant. If you had to pinpoint the core tenet of your day to day life, it was the importance of separating church and state; wherein this case, the church is a race track and the state is yourself. People like that apparently, because multiple of your colleagues recommended you for your current role when the job opened up. 

Cue your transition to being Pato's personal therapist slash coordinator slash problem solver. 

Pato scoffs and throws his hands up like a child denied their favorite treat, "so she's busy. And last time I took her to a wedding, she made me leave so early I didn't even get cake! It was horrible.”

"Honestly, from what I heard that's not her fault. Who waits until eleven pm to serve the wedding cake?"

Pato pauses, his half undone race suit swaying slightly at the waist as he turns to wag a finger at you "Someone who doesn't want to interrupt the party, that's who. We were all out on the dance floor, having fun and enjoying ourselves!” You roll your eyes, but Pato either doesn't notice or doesnt care as he continues, “And I'm getting kinda sick of having her at every event... she likes to steal the spotlight."

"Here we go," you mumble, flipping the page and preparing for a long winded Pato-themed rant. 

“I love her, but when I'm the one that's invited in the first place I don't want to leave early. I want to enjoy it, you know? This is Felix's wedding, I want to bring someone fun… hey!” Pato snaps his fingers and turns to you with wide eyes and a grin that has you instantly on edge. You know that face; it means he's got a wild idea, particularly one that requires your assistance to complete. 

“Who am I messaging,” you deadpan as you pull out your phone. No doubt there's some obscure influencer that he's set his eyes on. It'll be up to you then to set up the date (using Pato's Instagram of course, to which you have full access), arrange her flights, ensure her dress is suitable so as to not cause a scandal, and secure two hotel rooms for however long Pato decides his holiday should be. 

“No one! No one- I was just thinking…” Pato’s eyes twinkle like stars. He rolls his bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger as he contemplates his request, until finally he says, “why don't you come with me?”

You choke on air at the absurd suggestion. A million reasons flood your mind: because it's unprofessional and because you'd rather endure nails scraping on a chalkboard until the end of time to name a few. 

“I'm not hearing a no,” Pato sing-songs as his stupid grin grows wider and wider. 

“No!” You would like to tell him to fuck off, but your self respect keeps you from doing so. “Where the hell did that insane idea come from-”

“Come on,” Pato holds his hands out in front of him like a beggar in search of pocket change. “Come with me! I'll pay for whatever dress you pick out, the hotel room, flights, everything. I'll take care of it all. Who knows,” Pato shrugs then, the corner of his mouth lifting again in a devilish smile. “Maybe you'll even have fun.”

“Uh, no. Hell no. Even if it wasn't completely unprofessional, I would lose my mind before we even got on a plane. So thanks, but no thanks to being your fake date.”

Pato throws his hands up, the action causing his black fireproofs to come free of his race suit and expose an inch or two of his stomach. Not that you notice. Or care. “Oh come on! Am I really that horrible to be around?”

“Yes,” you respond without looking up from your phone. You make a note on your calendar to have Pato's mental sanity checked before the end of the break, because clearly the music city GP has knocked something loose in his head. 

“I'll give you my race bonus next time I score points.”

That finally gives you pause. You've seen those checks, even deposited them on his behalf once or twice. Tempting, very tempting. Possibly enticing enough for you to throw all thoughts of work-life balance out the window and commit to a few days of torture.

“Can I get that offer in writing?”

**********

“This is insane.” Despite the excessive force you exert on your suitcase, you can't zip the damn thing shut. You've tried sitting on it, rearranging twice, and removing a few things that you decided you don't absolutely need. Maybe the stubborn luggage is the first of many bad omens, the start of the bad luck you've brought upon yourself by accepting Pato's bargain. Perhaps the wisest thing to do is to call him and cancel, even if doing so at the last minute makes you a bit of an ass. 

But doing so would mean you miss an all inclusive, all expenses paid trip to Copenhagen, and who could pass that up? You've never stepped foot outside the Midwest, let alone outside of the country. Passing up an opportunity like this seems wasteful. Anyone else would jump at the opportunity. You shouldn’t let your dislike of the man supplying the credit card stop you from enjoying something.

“Fucking hell,” you mumble under your breath. You can't change your mind now, not after Pato's bought you a dress that's more expensive than the one you wore to your senior prom. The guilt of leaving him to fend for himself and arrive at his best mate's wedding dateless would eat you alive. And besides, you are not returning the dress you picked out. 

“One more go. If I can't get this dumb thing closed in the next three minutes, I won't go.” You tip your head towards the ceiling, “hear that? Three minutes!” 

Your aimless skyward shout is answered by your upstairs neighbor, who stamps their foot. “Ah- sorry Miss. Underwood!” The cranky old woman that lives above you has reported you more than once for bogus reasons; you would rather not have to deal with the front office before your international trip. 

Someone, somewhere must have heard your plea and responded with much more grace than Miss. Underwood, because the suitcase zips closed near effortlessly on your next attempt. “Aha! Finally! God, that was close.”

A message pops up on your phone with near poetic timing, coming not a second after you've dramatically wiped your brow and dusted off your hands. 

I'm leaving now, should be there in about a half hour. You ready?

The idea of riding in a car with Pato alone sounds less ideal than following his strict diet for a single day. Reminding yourself that this is a professional weekend away in Europe and not a personal venture is enough to settle your nerves for now. You can be professional, no problem. Easy peasy.

Yep. I'm still fine with an Uber if you don't want to drive me.

Too late I made up my mind :) see you soon!

“Insufferable.” Dread sets in where excitement lived earlier. You aren't a hundred percent sure you can survive four days with Pato O'Ward in a foreign country. Your limits will be tested, that much you know for sure because you can count on Pato to push every available button you have in order to get a rise out of you. 

Opting for a balance between comfort and style, a simple pair of black leggings and an oversized vintage indy 500 sweater is your preferred travel outfit. Your hair you leave in your usual casual style, not bothering to put in the effort to do anything special with it when it'll likely be ruined by the time you touch down in Copenhagen. 

Pato knocks when he arrives, which seems far too polite to be correct. Part of you expected him to barge in unannounced and make your one bedroom apartment his own. “Hola bella,” he greets with a smile. His hands stay in his pockets. He doesn't invite himself in, despite you leaving the door wide open when you step away to grab your things. 

Interesting. 

“You can come in,” you call over your shoulder. “I have to finish packing up my makeup since you're here early.”

“Oh, yeah sorry. Traffic was lighter than I expected.” It’s odd seeing Pato in anything that isn’t papaya colored or decorated with some sort of racing logo. He wears a forest green hoodie with a little red heart in the center with a pair of matching sweats. It’s one of those outfits that seems cringe on the average person, but works infuriatingly well on Pato.

Pato doesn't venture further into your apartment than the three steps that are required for him to be able to close the door without it hitting him. You purse your lips and motion to the sofa as your hosting instinct takes over, “you can sit if you want. I should only be a few minutes.”

“Take your time, our flight doesn't leave for a few hours. No rush.” You hate it when Pato tips his head and smiles like that because for a split second every time you hate him a little bit less. Thankfully, it all comes back in full force when he looks away from you. 

Despite Pato’s reassurance you do rush, because the idea of him scrutinizing your place is mortifying. Like, ‘oh fuck me I forgot to wear pants to the board meeting' level of embarrassing to know that he’s out there judging your decor or wondering how you’ve shoved so much into such a tiny one bedroom apartment. Sure, it's small, but it's home and you couldn't imagine living anywhere else. While a bigger place might be nice someday, your paychecks remind you to keep your dreams in check on a biweekly basis. 

To be safe and avoid giving Pato time to linger, you sweep the contents of your vanity into a zippered bag and stuff it into your carry on. You do a final cursory lap through the attached bathroom to ensure all hair dryers, candle warmers, and taps are turned off or unplugged. Once satisfied, you drag your overweight suitcase out. 

“Okay, I think I'm ready.” 

Pato stands in your living room checking out the knock off vintage style race posters that decorate the walls. As expensive as authentic race memorabilia is, you can’t exactly afford to spend hundreds on a single slip of paper for the sake only of hanging it on a wall. Only one poster is real and that is the poster you purchased from the first race you were trackside for with Arrow. Pato points to that one with a cheeky grin, “that's the first race you worked with us, isn't it? I remember that being the first time I saw you on track.” 

“Yes, it was. Now can we go?” You shift on your feet, uncomfortable now that Pato is seeing a side of you that you don't normally share with anyone but your close friends and family. Heaven forbid he notices the family photos on the lower shelf, then you'll be mortified when he laughs at how silly you looked in your Halloween costumes when you were little. 

“Oh yeah, of course. I'm sure you're excited to get a move on!” Pato reaches for your suitcase which catches you off guard. You snatch the handle before he can. “I can help, I really don’t mind. You’re doing me a favor after all.”

Your stubborn independence does not allow you to accept unnecessary help, so you shake your head. “Sorry,” you mumble as your cheeks heat. “I can take care of it.” 

“Alright, note to self… don't be too polite or it'll set you off.” Pato winks, then holds the door for you as you both exit. He waits at the stairs while you lock up, then leads the way to the Mercedes parked at the curb. 

“Right, just the one suitcase? You've got your dress packed in here right?” Pato hefts the suitcase into the car and grins. “Actually I know the answer to that. I told you that you could've spent more on a dress. A hundred dollars? That's it?”

“I don't like wasting money,” you snap. “To some of us, that's expensive.” 

Money has been, and always will be, a touchy subject. Growing up with very little means that you now scrutinize every penny, only spending regularly on things that are strictly necessary. Your budget each month is airtight and you are always careful to save a fair amount before you so much as consider treating yourself to something off your wishlist. 

Pato holds up his hands in apology. “Wasn't trying to insult you, just trying to make conversation. You're doing me a favor here so I just wanted to make sure you got what you wanted.” 

“Right, sure.” Spinning the ring on your left index finger has become somewhat of a nervous tick for you. Pato’s eyes flick to your hands, which immediately sets you on edge. Racing drivers are an observant breed, which is something you silently curse the universe for. 

The ride to the airport is filled with awkward silences. The quiet is broken by the sound of the engine and the occasional directive from the gps on the dash. Pato’s playlist is a mix of spanish and english and you willfully ignore when he occasionally sings along under his breath. So you keep quiet with your attention locked on your phone to avoid being dragged into any small talk. 

The plane ride is more of the same: quiet and tense. Which is partially because despite you insisting on a simple, affordable coach ticket, Pato had ignored your wishes and booked both of you in business class. At least the long flight would be comfortable if nothing else. Granted it would be more enjoyable if you weren't sitting next to a five-foot-something racing driver, but beggars can't be choosers. 

“It's a long flight, so I thought I'd give you the window. The sun will be coming up when we're over Europe, and the view is always to die for. I got us seats on the left side of the plane so you can have the best photo opportunities.” 

That's the second time today that Pato has surprised you, though you would rather eat soap than admit that to his face. “I usually like the aisle, but thanks I guess. I'll probably be sleeping anyway.” 

Pato's expression is one of regret, like maybe he's realizing how insane of an idea this is. “Err, right. I guess I should've known that, considering how often we fly together.”

“We don't fly together. When we have to fly to a race, you fly business class and I sit in the back with the rest of the regular people,” you remind him without remorse. You hate when he throws his wealth in your face, like the seat you're occupying doesn't cost a month's worth of your salary. 

“Right…” 

You almost feel bad. But then you remember that Pato has everything he could ever want or need, and you’re right back to where you started. 

Despite how well you think you hide it, Pato is fully aware of your feelings toward him, or rather lack thereof. Where the relationships you nurture with your other colleagues are fun and friendly, the one you maintain with Pato is strictly professional. Seeing you pivot from laughing with Rossi- Rossi of all people- one minute, to relaying instructions to him in a mechanical voice is evidence enough of how little you think of him. 

Pato has no idea why you're so set on hating him. He has no inkling what he might have done to deserve such animosity. It seems like no matter what he does, your frosty attitude only worsens into an arctic chill. He thought that bringing you on this trip might open your eyes to the other side of him, that maybe allowing you to see what he was like outside of the track could prove to you that he wasn’t the devil that you thought he was. 

So far, no dice. You declined his invitation to join him for breakfast at the highest rated cafe in the city this morning, so he'd gone alone instead and relished the fact that not a single person asked him for a photo or shoved a scrap of paper in his face for him to sign. Once in a while it was nice to fly under the radar, to pass by hundreds of people on the street and have them be none the wiser to his achievements. 

The concept of downtime is foreign to Pato. Being alone and unbothered gave him time to ruminate, which is why he generally preferred to surround himself with a certain level of chaos. In the paddock, that generally meant entertaining himself and others by being the class clown. Cameras are everywhere on a race weekend, watching him like a bug under a magnifying glass, so he generally humored them by putting on a bit of a show. In his personal life, the chaos came from the frequent visits to his hometown where he would be surrounded by family and pets that kept him on his toes. 

Now that he has had time to reflect, Pato is beginning to see the foolishness in his impulsive decision. Asking you to be his date was arguably up there with the dumbest things he's ever done, and that's saying something considering he'd once poured honey in Rossi's boots on a race weekend. He understands now, at least partially, why you were hesitant to accept. 

It doesn't bother him, the fact that you can't stand him. Pato enjoys poking you, seeing how far he can press before you snap at him. It's his way of flirting because yes, he thinks you're gorgeous. There's no point denying it so he might as well embrace it. Perhaps his invitation was wholly selfish, his way of trying to cope with the offseason and knowing he likely wouldn’t be seeing you for weeks at a time. You would miss him as little as one might miss the sticky summer humidity, while Pato would miss you like the sun misses the moon. 

Which is fine. It's fine if you don't laugh at his jokes. It's fine if your lip curls like you've smelt rotten milk whenever he speaks and you don't think he's looking. It’s fine that you don’t spare him a second of your attention, even now when he’s brought you on a trip that he thought could be the start of some positive change. That's all fine, because it doesn't matter if you like him or not. 

Okay, on second thought, maybe it does bother him a little. 

If anything, Pato hopes that this weekend will be the start of you at least tolerating him. Salvaging a scrap of understanding from you cannot be impossible, and even if it were, Pato has defied the odds numerous times before. No one believed in him when he was coming up through the karting ranks, but he did. And he believes in himself now, that he can begin to alter your opinion of him one small gesture at a time. 

Pato unlocks his phone to message you. 

Do you have plans today? I was gonna go to a few museums and see the sights if you wanna join. Up to you!

He debates for a minute about the exclamation mark. Is it too in your face? Too cheery or forceful? Eventually he deletes it before hitting send. Better to sound nonchalant than overdo it. 

His phone remains face down on the table until he finishes his tea. Seeming too eager could be his downfall and he is determined to make this seem as casual as possible. Only once an appropriate amount of time has passed does he allow himself to read your response: sure. I guess so but I don't want to blow my entire budget in one day just fyi

That's fair, dw a lot of it is free!

I'll be ready in an hour 

An hour, Pato can keep himself busy for an hour. Popping in an earbud and exploring for a bit seems like a decent option; he spends thirty minutes listening to music and just walking with no real aim in mind. Once back at the hotel, just on time as per usual, he freshens up in his room. 

Bare bones and necessities is what Patp prefers when he travels. He doesn't like the pomp and circumstance that comes along with a suite; the hotel staff treat him differently when he stays in the expensive rooms even if they haven't the faintest clue who he is. He prefers unassuming, single bed rooms that are no fuss, no muss. And that sort of room is exactly what he booked himself in Copenhagen: low nightly rate, plain but clean white bed sheets, and a bathroom barely big enough to turn around in. 

The room Pato picked for you was this room's opposite. The queen suite was available on the website when he made the last minute reservation and he had not seen any reason not to treat you to a taste of luxury for the weekend. Silk sheets, a fully decorated sitting room, and walk in waterfall shower were only the tip of the iceberg. Included in the weekend rate was a night at the in-house spa if you chose to use it. And while Pato is quite certain you won't bother, he thinks the choice might be nice nonetheless.

Pato had selected that room without a second thought and gone as far as requesting your favorite drinks be stocked up in the suite fridge for your arrival. Since arriving last night, you haven't mentioned the room. Which doesn't matter, because Pato doesn't need the praise; in fact, kind words would feel slightly out of place from you. 

The elevator takes Pato to the top floor, where he finds your room at the end of the hall. It's not hard to find, considering there's three doors in the entire hallway. Pato knocks twice, then steps back to wait. 

“Yeah, coming,” comes your muffled call from inside. The brass room number plate on the door reflects a slightly distorted version of Pato. He can't make a decent impression looking wonky with his hair a mess; how unattractive is hair that stands up on end in every which way? Pato runs his fingers through his hair to loosen up the extra putty he'd applied. The door opens suddenly and you catch him red handed, one hand in his hair and the other holding his phone. 

Perfect.

“I guess I'm never escaping the vanity accusations huh?” Pato's laugh is shaky, awkward even to his own ears. He drops his hands and does his best not to let his gaze wander over you, as tempting as it is. He's determined to make a good impression this weekend, and blatantly checking you out probably wouldn't help his case. 

“Nope, never.” You shake your head and let the oak door click shut behind you. “Well then, you're the man with the plan. Have you been to Copenhagen before or are you just going to the typical tourist places?”

“Hold on, hold on. I think that's the most you've ever said to me at once that wasn't work related. I need a second to process this- you have a personality? This is big news!” Pato grins, hoping to ease into things. He knows it's bad when you don't immediately return the smile. 

Pato doesn't really tend to think around you,  hence the near constant shitty jokes. His brain takes a break from its normal high strung, ping ponging thoughts and empties itself of unnecessary noise. When in your presence, Pato is unfiltered and unapologetically himself. 

When you started at McLaren, he quickly learned that you were safe. Judgment was not something you leveled lightly upon someone. Your prickly exterior was a way of ensuring you don't let the wrong people get close enough to hurt you, but Pato knows that's not all of it. Regardless of how you presented yourself to the world, Pato knows you care deeply for those you choose to include in your life. He also knows you'll always be there when he fails, a steady shoulder for him to lean on- which is more than he can say about many of his previous driver assistants. 

Being comfortable is freeing, but it also gets him in trouble with you more often than he would like. Judging by your current deadpan, he's qualified deadlast as far as ‘appropriately timed humor’ is concerned. “That was a joke,” Pato says after a pause that stretches for an eternity.”

“I am aware that was your attempt at being funny.” You cross your arms and Pato notes the tiny papaya indy car embroidered on the cuff of your cream sweater. “Has anyone ever told you that you're insufferable? You know what, on second thought maybe I'll just stay here.” 

All at once, Pato flies through fear, regret and guilt in the half second it takes you to turn towards the door. He fucks everything up, doesnt he? Gets a good thing going for once, finally convinces you to spend some one on one time with him, and he winds up spilling the marbles. This isn't racing; he can't act on instinct and expect the best outcome. He has to be calculated, hold his tongue and not speak until he's sure the words are the one he wants to say. 

“No wait.” Pato’s fingers brush your arm to stop you. “Look, I'm just trying to be sure you enjoy your time here. I've never been here before,” he adds in answer to your earlier question. “I'm as much of a tourist as you are, so having an exploration partner would be good.” 

“I don't really feel like doing anything with you if you're going to be a dick. No, let me speak,” you say when he opens his mouth. “No macho bullshit alright? Just be normal. I don't need all the bravado and the jokes that make me feel like shit. Just… be Pato, alright? Be yourself for once.”

Pato knows he deserves all that and more. You let him off easy, really. He's been focused on creating a persona instead of being real with you. So Pato nods, centering himself like Rossi taught him last season. Once he feels like himself again some handful of breaths later, he offers you a genuine smile. 

“Let me start again. They have an aquarium here,” Pato says, voice light. Without willing it, a half smile appears on his lips when you tip your head ever so slightly, indicating for him to continue. “I love aquariums, sea otters are my favorite animal. And the jellyfish are cute too! With their squishy bodies and the tentacles-”

There he goes again, his mouth racing a lap ahead of his good sense. Pato's apologetic wince isn't a proper apology, but you accept it nonetheless and throw him a bone that he'll happily chew on. 

“I like aquariums. That sounds like it could be fun.”