#I want to apologise again but feel as though it would seem insincere. But yeah I just felt bad about not posting or reblogging at all

[crustmass]

I'm fine and sorry about that I just felt stressed? Idk to reblog a bunch of stuff before 2024. I did not mean to take it all from you, and I will try to spread out what I reblog some more especially within a few minutes. Happy around New Year's

Hey @varyingwikipediatabsopen are you ok? I’ve gotten like-35 notifs from you in like, 3 minutes.

Just checking in-and happy probably around New Years or yeah.

[parkersroses]

champagne problems. | harry styles.

summary: Harry and Y/N meet again after things fell out for them.

pairing: harry styles x fem!reader

word count: 7.3k words

trigger warnings: mentions of mental health issues and attempt of self harm, angst. if these are triggering to you, pls do not read this.

a/n: (gif credits to @letsmakesomeonehappytoday) i’m super nervous about this, also this is definitely the longest i’ve written. i began writing this last december bc i absolutely love the context of the song and i felt like writing something that touches important issues like mental health. i read and did research on how i could write this properly without having it look like i was romanticising the topic. if you do find it that way, pls feel free to leave constructive criticism so i can further improve and amend on my writing. don’t feel obligated to read this if it is triggering to you. here is a link to some mental health hotlines, i might add some more in another if i find any that are reliable. don’t be afraid to ask for help or even help others if you know they might be struggling.

reblog, comment if you like it or not, or even start a conversation. donate to my kofi if you’d like to support me further. i love you all.

The relaxing and sensual sound of jazz music filled the room. The chandeliers hanging above casted a golden glow over it, making the room more elegant than it did. People were dressed in nice clothing for the new year celebration. 

Harry was not one for New Year’s eve parties, having to prefer sitting in the comfort of his home, sipping on some champagne as he tries to ignore the loud fireworks going off. But considering it was one of his old friends that was hosting this particular party, there was no way he would deny it. He enjoyed having to see his old friends again after a busy year of filming a movie for the world to see one day. 

He stands with his friend, Jake, as he holds a champagne flute in one hand. Talia, his recently girlfriend-turned-fiancée, standing next to him with an arm wrapped around his waist. It had been two weeks since he proposed and two weeks since she said yes to marrying him. It was a joyous time for them after nearly a year of dating. Some might think they rushed but Harry ignored them. He knew if the time was right, then it would be bound to happen eventually. 

Harry’s eyes scan through the sea of people while Jake and Talia are discussing animatedly about something he probably isn’t paying attention to all that much. His eyes wander around until they fall on a familiar figure. He blinks his eyes hard enough to make sure they aren’t playing tricks on him, and they aren’t. The person who he knew and loved before. The person whom he intended to spend the rest of his life with. The person who left him, not giving him a reason as to why. 

Y/N stands with Natalia, occasionally sipping on her champagne as they talk. He should have known that their group of friends would stay in touch with her, even after they broke up years ago. She wears her casual dark jeans, a black long-sleeved shirt and heeled boots. A contrast to those around them, wearing fancy dresses and suits. She always stood out in her own way. It was why he loved her then. 

Harry let out a breath, seemingly couldn’t believe that his ex lover is here in the same room as him. Talia notices this and questions, “Babe, you alright?” Harry breaks away his gaze from Y/N before smiling at his dear fiancée. “Yeah, m’fine. Just saw an old friend, s’all,” he assures her as he sips on his drink. 

“Oh, d’you want to talk to her?” She asks, and Harry shakes his head because if he did, he wouldn’t know how to act or say to her. “No worries. Maybe later,” he says. 

As time passes, Harry finds himself focused on Y/N numerous times. In his mind, he is already thinking of ways to talk to her. What would he say to her? Would she even want to talk to him? Or were they going to pretend everything was fine before she left him? 

When he looks around for her again, he freezes as he sees her eyes staring right back at her, almost looking in shock as he is there too. There is a glimmer in her eyes that he always noticed. She gives him a small yet timid smile from across the room before breaking away from the eye contact. 

Harry decides to pick up what’s left of his courage in his body to walk over and greet her. He leans into Talia’s ear, whispering to her. “I’m just going to meet an old friend. You’ll be okay here?” He says. Talia looks up at him and nods. She assures him that she’ll be alright, saying that she’ll talk to some other of their friends.

As he leaves her side, he walks through the sea of people to look for the person he hadn’t seen in a long time. Harry finds her grabbing another glass of champagne from a nearby tray and he smiles at this. He always knew she liked champagne. She doesn’t notice him walking up to her until he clears his throat. She turns around and her breath hitches as she sees him. Harry’s mouth dries up instantly as his eyes gazes upon her. Despite years of knowing her, he still found her beautiful. 

The corner of his lips curls up slightly. “Hi,” he says quietly, his breath slightly shaking as he spoke. He isn’t sure whether she heard him, but her reply seems to answer that. “Hi,” she replies, with the same nervousness in her voice. 

“Fancy seeing yeh here,” he chuckles. Y/N smiles at this; while it was awkward to have seen her ex in a long while, he never fails to make the situation comfortable for them. “Y-Yeah, you too,” she stutters. 

She is not going to admit it aloud, but she misses the sound of his voice. How deep and raspy it could get. She misses his voice being the first thing she hears when she wakes up, or the hums she would hear in her ear as they would dance with no music on. She misses his touch whenever he holds her close, warmth and protection radiating from his body onto hers. She misses everything about him despite them not being together anymore for a long time, she admits but never out loud. 

Silence fills the gap between as they both figure out what to say. On one hand, they can pretend everything is alright and converse like old friends. On the other, they can push their fears aside and talk about what is actually in their minds that seem to have an affect on their current relationship. 

“So, how’ve yeh been?” He hesitates to ask. He’s not sure whether she would lie to him or give him the proper answer he needs. The answer he wishes he knew. Y/N doesn’t know how to answer that without making it sound as depressing as it is. There had been many times she wanted to give him a reason why she left him, to give him a little bit of closure that he deserves. Perhaps it is her pride that prevented her from doing so. 

“I’m alright,” she says with a small smile on her lips. Her answer could be a lie or the truth. “And, you?” 

He nods slightly at her answer. “I’ve been alright,” He gives her tight smile back. “Been a while since I last saw you,” he says and she nods. “Y-Yeah, way too long,” she says quietly. It’s hard to ignore how insincere the smile he gave her is. Y/N knows him all too well, even when they were no longer together. She knows by that smile that there’s something on his mind, something he wants to say. But she doesn’t question it. 

Harry is aching to ask her. To ask what happened between them, why she left him without a warning, why she had to break his heart the way she did. 

It’s almost like she senses what he is thinking because she then suggests to him. “Want to go outside for a bit?” She gestures to the backyard with her head. 

“Yeah, absolutely,” Harry breathes out. He almost cringes at how desperate he sounds. “Um, after you,” he says, gesturing his hand towards the door. She softly thanks him and Harry follows right behind her outside. 

“So-”

“I-”

The pair speak simultaneously as they walk and they both laugh at it. “Sorry,” she says. Harry dismisses this. “No worries.” 

“You look great, by the way,” she says. Harry smiles at her compliment. “Thank you. You look amazing too,” he returns the compliment. She blushes a bit before muttering a soft ‘thank you’ under her breath.

The cold air wraps around the two bodies that once knew each other’s intimately. The stars look brighter that night and Y/N takes a deep breath as she stares up at the sky. She doesn’t realise how Harry looks at the small breath she let out, or how he admires her side profile like he used to when she sleeps. He stares at her for a bit more, like he’s remembering again what she looks like, before averting his eyes to the night sky.

“Saw you had a date back there. Someone special I assume?” She asks out of the blue. Harry freezes in his place. “Y-Yeah, she is,” he blurts out and clears his throat. “My fiancée, actually,” he says and he looks at her to see her reaction. 

Y/N is surprised at first, feeling her whole body tense up before she relaxes. But Harry catches it. “That’s great. Congratulations, Harry,” she smiles at him before turning back the stars. She promises she is genuine about it. But maybe she’s just telling herself that. “How long have you both been together?”

“Nearly a year now,” he says. Y/N lets his answer sink in her head. A year, she thought. We were together longer than that for you to propo-

“Seems like a short time, huh?” She jokes, but Harry only gives a small smile. “Is it though? Too soon to ask if we’re both ready?” He says, as if he’s mocking her and something. And that sent a shard through her chest. Harry curses at himself, he shouldn’t be saying things like that despite them not being together anymore. She looks down at the ground like it was suddenly the most interesting thing and shakes her head. 

“I’m sorry, Harry,” she apologises. Harry is quick to shake his head at her. “No, no. I’m sorry for how I said it. You did nothing,” he says. Y/N is silent for a bit before saying back to him.

“No, really. I didn’t mean to make things weird or uncomfortable between us. I’m just.. Sorry,” she says. 

“How are you, Y/N?” He asks genuinely. Y/N is confused at first, wondering why he is asking the same question again. “I already told you, Harry. I’m alri-,”

“I mean, how actually are you?”

She turns to him, seeing as Harry is already looking at her with a solemn expression. “You don’t have to lie to me,” he says softly, almost sounding like he doesn’t want to scare her. And she knows what he meant and what he wants to know. 

Y/N suddenly feels a lump forming in her throat and breathes in deeply. She clears her throat, hoping her voice doesn’t waver when she speaks. “I promise I’m okay, Harry. I just,” she sighs and closes her eyes. 

“I don’t know. I’ve been getting by on my own. Trying to work on myself, you know, since,” her words falter, but Harry knows what she means. Since she left him without an answer to one of the most important questions in life. He nods his head slightly even though she doesn’t see it. 

He lets out a sigh as he looks up at the starry night. “You know, it’s… kind of surreal. Us being here I mean,” he says. Y/N looks at him again with confusion written all over her face. “I’ve been wondering where you’ve been. I called but you never seem to answer. I just wanted to see how’ve yeh been, you know?” He confesses, throwing this big weight out in the open. 

Y/N has her head hung low, like a child being scolded for stealing the last cookie from the cookie jar. But she knows he means well. And she hates how not only she caused problems for herself, but the person she once loved. 

“I just… I miss my best friend, Y/N. I miss having her around,” he says, and he doesn’t realise how his words hit her like a truck. She breathes in sharply, feeling a slight pain in her throat. “And you don’t think I felt the same way then?” She asks softly, her voice already wavering. 

Harry shakes his head. “No, love, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry,” He’s quick to apologise but she dismisses it while ignoring the fact that he called her a very familiar pet name he used to use on her. “It’s fine,” she says, and her voice is almost quiet enough for you to not hear her.

“It’s just,” she breathes out and she looks up hoping that tears won’t escape her eyes. “I wanted to let you in. I could’ve answered the phone. But I didn’t. I know how bad I left things between us, H.” Harry’s heart jumped a bit at hearing her say ‘H’ again. She used to always call him that. It still sounds lovely as it leaves her lips. 

“I wish I could’ve told you why I left you kneeling with the ring still in your hand. I couldn’t, though. Maybe I wasn’t ready that time, or never was.” It hurts for her to say this because she has imagined spending the rest of her life with him countless times. “I’ve had this constant battle in my mind for so long. I thought that maybe if I ignore it, it’d be like it never was there and we’d be alright. But it got worse and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I held it on for so long and I couldn’t say anything because I knew I’d somehow ruin everything. Well, I did in the end.” And she feels tears streaming down her face. 

Harry feels his tears escaping his eyes too, but doesn’t make the effort to wipe them away. As if he’s paralyzed in where he stands. “A-And, what happened after that?” he asks ever so gently.

Y/N wipes her tears away and takes a deep breath before continuing the sad story they’re on. “I lived with it and the thoughts consumed my mind. S-Sometimes, they can get dark.” She confesses but not all at once. She won’t tell him how she felt herself crumbling down and how her mother found her unconscious in the bathroom, overdosing on some pills she found. She won’t tell him how hard she cried in her hospital bed over the pain she was in. It felt like a shard puncturing through Harry’s heart. The fact that she had been struggling all this while and he never noticed it, it kills him. 

“Then, one day, I just decided to find help. I knew I needed help. And I’ve been having sessions with a psychiatrist for a few months now.” And she smiles through her tears. “I’ve been working a lot on myself, been on medication and all. Then, maybe one day, when I feel ready for it, I’d come find you, apologise for the problems I caused between us. Didn’t think it’d be tonight, though.” She jokes and hangs her head low again, like she’s scared to see what Harry thinks of her now. Just a girl who’s sick in the head. 

There is an uncomfortable silence between them and Harry speaks up again. “You infuriate me sometimes, you know?” Y/N looks at him and his eyebrows are pressed together like he’s mad. She is once again confused at what he meant. “I would’ve listened. I would’ve helped you. I would’ve,” he pauses and runs his fingers through his brown curls, taking a breather so he won’t actually lose his temper. But for Y/N, it’s like she wanted him to scream at her. Yell at her for leaving him behind for her own selfish needs. 

“I would’ve looked after you,” he says softly, and it’s heartbreaking to hear the pain in his voice. “I didn’t want to burden you, H. I wouldn’t do that to you,” she says gently and Harry shakes his head at her. “Is that what you thought? That you’d burden me?” She only shrugs at him with a sad smile. 

“I heard it before.” She says, and it makes Harry furious that anyone would toss aside the state of her mental health. “It’s not because of your job, Harry. Or your fans,” she assures him. “I didn’t want to overwhelm you with what I’ve been going through. You deserve someone who isn’t as fucked in the head as I am,” she says. 

Harry now has tears running down his cheeks. He now wishes he could go back and actually pay more attention to her, instead of being ignorant to it. He remembers when she left, the neighbourhood had quite a bit to say about the rejection, particularly on her. They often talked about how insane she was to deny his proposal because marriage is what every woman needs, right? Granted, he told them off not to speak about Y/N so poorly ever again, but he still wishes he could’ve seen the signs when it got worse for her.

Now, she stands in front of him, and it might be wrong to admit this, but she still looks just as beautiful as the day he lost her. Her eyes still have the same shine and her smile still has the same warmth to it. He lets out a small laugh. “This is not how I actually planned to spend my New Year’s eve,” he says jokingly and they both laugh, almost like the entire sad conversation did not occur. “I know,” she says, smiling at him. She doesn’t realise how her words took him back to when they would get drunk on wine while watching romantic comedies together on their couch. 

“This is quite an interesting relationship you and I have,” he says smiling as he looks up at the starry night. She smiles at him too before doing the same. It’s the comfortable silence filling the gaps between them now. Just two people under the stars, one has it all figured out while the other has champagne problems. 

She looks back at the building, gold lights still shining as people are getting drunk and ready for the countdown. “You should probably go back to your fiancée, H,” she says. Harry sighs as their time together has come to an end and nods. “Um, it was really great seeing you, Harry,” she says as her feet fidgets against the ground. She feels like a teenager talking to her crush again. 

Before he even thinks, Harry has his hand up, brushing off the piece of hair of face, and his thumb lightly brushes over her cheeks a bit. “You too, Y/N,” he says, and he means it. Y/N feels her face warm up, before nodding her head at him and leaving. “Where’re yeh going?” He calls out to her. Without looking back, she calls back to him. “Home!” 

He only looks at her leaving for a moment before calling out to her again. “Y/N, wait!” 

Y/N stops in her tracks and looks back at him. “Um,” he fumbles on his words. “If I call you, not tonight, or tomorrow, just if any day after this, because we’re on good terms, uh,” he blurts out his words as she watches him, amused by what he wants to ask. “If I call, will you answer? Like I said before, I miss my best friend,” he shrugs and has almost a pleading look. Y/N’s heart melts at him and she smiles. 

“I will, H,”

❊

Since their last meeting, a lot of things have been on his mind and one of them was Y/N. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about her and the conversation they had. He knew now that it must’ve taken a lot of bravery to speak up about what she was going through. And he was proud of her. He really was.

He has been thinking about calling her for a while. He just doesn’t know what he’ll say. He wants to know how she’s feeling even though he’ll never know what it felt like for her to go through the dark times she went. But he could try to understand. He owes her that, at least. He spends some of his time off reading about mental health issues and educating himself more now.

Talia wanted to start planning their wedding, which makes Harry fill up his schedule more between wedding plans and music plans. He tries his best to accommodate whatever Talia wants for their special day. Though, sometimes he finds himself not focusing on the shades of white she suggested for her dress.

Sometimes, Talia would get mad at him for not prioritizing their wedding, seemingly as it was a very important thing for them, well, more for her. She gets mad at him for not focusing on their plans instead of hiding in his studio. She once told him to get his act together because if he wasn’t serious about this, he never would have asked her to marry him. That knocked a nail on the head as she stormed out of the room after another small argument.

Part of him thinks it's the thought of marriage finally sinking in his head. He has the girl, he got a ‘yes’, it should be as exciting as when he asked her. But he finds himself in and out of planning, always reverting his focus back to music, like he’s stalling. He still hasn’t told Talia about Y/N, but there was no need to since he’s with her and not Y/N. When Talia asked about his slightly red eyes at the party, he lied and said something was in his eyes. She believed it, of course.

Now, he’s thinking back to the situation with Talia. He admits he hadn't been paying attention to her as much as he should or helping out with their wedding. But her words now stuck with him. If he wasn’t serious about marrying Talia, he wouldn’t have asked her. He tells himself that he really does love her and he knows she loves him. So why is he hesitating almost at the thought of marriage? Why does it feel like he’s leading her on? He was so sure he wanted her. Unless he only asked her for the hell of it and to not be lonely. 

He sits quietly in his little studio with his thoughts as his company. What is he really doing? He really doesn’t know. 

❊

She’s laying down on her sofa, staring up at the ceiling again. She does this a lot, having nothing much to do at home other than rereading the books on her shelf or following a recipe for a delicious meal. Instead, she lays down staring at the blank ceiling thinking of how her life went. And in the state of all nothingness, she thinks of him. 

Meeting Harry again opened up a whole jar of emotions she kept hidden. It was no doubt that she still cared for him. She was still in love with him and if they were in another universe, she’d tell him that. She’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to him, for causing so much hurt to him. But she couldn’t. He belongs to someone else now. Someone who is more worthy of his love and time. And she’s happy for him, genuinely she is. 

As she thinks about him, she recalls back to the days before it all went wrong. She remembers being scared. She had found his mother’s ring in between his clothes as she was putting away their laundry. She remembers being terrified of the commitment Harry was in. She knew for certain that he would ask her sooner or later. But for her, she still doesn’t know. She wants to marry him, but is she ready for it? Is she worthy of him devoting his love and time to her for the rest of his life? 

That’s when the doubts came in. She was always battling the thoughts in her head more often after finding out that he might propose to her. She keeps a disguise up, pretending she’s not screaming for help or suffering, hoping that maybe it’ll go away and when he asks, she’ll say the answer he wants to hear. But she didn’t keep the disguise up for long. 

When they arrived at Harry’s family home, she was overwhelmed. She saw the bottle of expensive champagne on the kitchen table. Their friends were there too. She was told they were just having a family gathering along with their friends, but she knew what was about to happen.

Nothing could prepare her for when Harry pulled her out the backyard, kneeling down in front of her with his mother’s ring in hand. She could still remember the look on his face, so bright and in love, then having to see it all disappear and his expression drop. He was speechless, so speechless that it took him a minute to snap out of it and run after her as she exited the house. She passed by the living room and had a glance of how everyone was rather to celebrate; no applause or cheers of congratulations were made.

She felt a lot of things that day. Pain, embarrassment, guilt, regret.

Now, a year later, she likes to think she’s doing better, not only for her family or Harry, but for myself. It’s safe to say it was going well for her, she definitely felt better. That dark part of her life was always going to be a part of her, but she was glad she did something about it. 

She had struggled a lot before asking for help. She always had trouble sleeping and always felt herself drained to the core. She took some sleeping pills in hopes to feel better. Until one day, she just decided to down the whole bottle like she was downing a bottle of alcohol. She was lucky enough that her mother was around when she found her, her father too was quick enough to call an ambulance. It was too hazy for her to remember precisely what happened after. When she got admitted, she cried to her mother of how much pain she was in, and it killed her. She thinks of how selfish and stupid it was for her to do something like that. That’s when she decided she needed help, like really needed help. 

It’s funny how life works sometimes. A few months ago, she was found nearly dead. She has been recovering now. It took a while to open up during her psychiatry sessions and her mother monitored her to make sure she was doing alright. She lives alone now, but still has her mother check up on her. She didn’t find it annoying, in fact she asked her mother to watch over her a bit because she doesn’t trust herself. 

She’s healthier now, keeping herself busy to reflect and work on herself. And it did cross her mind a few times before to find Harry, to maybe apologise to him. But she thought that perhaps he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore. And that’s okay for her. Plus, she always hoped that he would find someone else that’ll love him just as much as she did him. 

He hasn’t contacted her since they last met and she wonders whether he’s scared of doing so. Then again, she hasn’t made the effort to contact him too. Maybe they’re both scared. 

She was about to get up and make herself some coffee after feeling a bit thirsty. She takes out a mug and sets it on the counter before she hears a knock on her door. She freezes in her place, her face scrunches up in confusion. She doesn’t remember having anyone making plans to come by. She hasn’t contacted her friends in a while and her parents would have told her that they would visit. 

Knocks on her door snaps her out of her trance as she realises she is still in the kitchen. She slowly walks up to the door and looks through the peephole. To her surprise, she sees Harry standing right before her door. She pulls herself back from the door and thinks for a moment. How did he know where she lived now? Why is he here when he could have just called her? 

Realising that he’s probably waiting outside for too long, she takes deep breaths and opens the door. There he is. Standing in his usual white t-shirt where you could see his tattoos through it, his black joggers hugging his muscular legs with some sneakers on his feet. His hair is a bit disheveled and she could imagine him running his fingers through it in a nervous and stressful manner. 

“Hi,” he says breathily. His expression is somewhat hopeful, she thinks. “Hey,” she replies, giving a small smile. He’s fidgeting on his feet, something she knows he does when he’s nervous. So why is he nervous? She’s trying to come up with different theories in her head. 

“Um, may I come in?” Harry asks. Y/N snaps out of her thoughts again and nods quickly, opening the door wider for him to walk through, hearing him mumbling a small ‘thanks’ under his breath. Harry looks around the small new apartment she now lives in, smiling at how it is very much her character the way she put things together.

She locks the door behind her and clears her throat as she faces him. “Sorry for showing up out of the blue like this,” he apologises. She only smiles and shakes her head. “No, no worries. I was just... wondering how you found where I live. I don’t think I ever told you that,” she says questionably. 

The corner of his lips lift up just slightly. “Your mother, actually,” he says. She rolls her eyes playfully at this and lets out a small laugh. Of course, her mother would let him know where she lived. Her parents always loved Harry and treated him as family. Even when they fell apart, they still cared about him. After all, he was one of the only good things in her life that she cherished. 

“Of course, she would. She still loves you for all I know,” she says with a sheepish smile. Harry throws his back in laughter and it makes her smile even more. “Well, I guess I might have to visit them again some time,” he says, smiling cheekily at her. 

For a moment, it feels like everything was normal between them.

She shakes her head at him as she plays with her fingers, something he knows she does when she is nervous. “Um, I guess you’re here to talk about something else?” She asks, and she sees how his smile falters just a bit. “Yeah, actually,” he mumbles under his breath, but she hears him.

She nods with a tight smile on her face, seemingly trying to mask her anxiousness behind it. “Okay. Uh, just, make yourself comfortable. I’ll get you a glass of water,” she says, hurrying off to the kitchen before Harry could say anything. She sets a glass down and gets a jug of water. Her hands are shaking just a bit and she tells herself to calm down. It’s just Harry, she thinks. Whatever he wants to say couldn’t be that bad. Right?

She comes back to the living room where Harry is. He hasn’t sat down on the couch, instead he’s just standing in the middle of the room, looking around and admiring the little touches she put like the indoor plants and the paintings on the wall. She gently sets the glass down on the coffee table, the glass making a ‘clink’ sound on the surface. Harry turns around to face her and smiles, his little dimple making an appearance on the corner of his lips. She smiles back at him before clearing her throat. 

“You had something you wanna say?” She asks, fiddling with her fingers. Harry nods slightly. “Yeah, I do. Um,” he begins as he rubs the back of his neck lightly. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to say, been practicing the words in my head. So, I’m sorry if it ends up a mess,” he says, letting out a small laugh. She laughs a bit with him too. Nodding as she gestures for him to continue, he breathes in deeply before letting his words out.

“After we met last time, I, uh,” he begins and she swears she could hear how loud and fast her heart is beating. “I’ve just been reflecting on how we left things off. And I promise I meant to call you sooner, but I just didn’t know what I’d say that won’t make things weird and awkward,” he stops to look at her for a moment and the expression on his face is almost so familiar to her. 

“When you told me your story, I felt a lot of things. I felt… upset and angry that I couldn’t read the signs that were so evidently there. I thought maybe I realised it sooner, or tried harder to help, I could’ve helped you and you wouldn’t have felt to have gone through it alone. I hated how you were alone in this and how you helped like you couldn’t talk to me about,” His breaths are shaky, like he might break any minute. She wants to caress his face so badly, comfort him, but she knows it wouldn’t be appropriate. He’s still engaged to someone else after all. 

She looks down at her floor, taking a gulp in her throat. “Harry, what are you saying?” She asks ever so softly. 

“I’m saying that… you don’t have to go through it alone, darling. I’m saying that I wanna be there for you now. Albeit it has been months, but,” he pauses to take a breath. “If you give me a chance, to let me in, I promise to always be there for you and to be by your side all the time. Whenever you need me.” 

Y/N takes a moment to process what he had just said, shaking her head at him. “Harry, I,” she takes in a sharp breath. “I don’t think you need to do that.” Harry’s face scrunches up in confusion. “Why not?” 

“I just, I don’t want to burden you. I’ve already made it hard for my parents enough,” she says, trying to convince him even though all she wants is for him to be by her side. He shakes his head, chuckling a bit. “You’ll never be a burden to me, love. I want to be there for you always. It’s my choice to do this,” 

“What about your fiancée? What’s she gonna think about her fiancé or husband soon when he’s out there looking after some girl, Harry?” 

“You’re not just some girl, Y/N. You’re my best friend. And I,” he pauses in his words again and takes a deep breath. “What?” She asks nervously. 

The corner of his lips lift up just slightly and his expression almost looks guilty. “And I’m in love with you,” he says and that’s when she feels that her heart stops. He loves me, she thinks. All the time, she thinks the feelings would have gone away but here he is, in her living room, telling her he’s in love with her.

“No,” she says. Harry is surprised by her response. “No?” He repeats.

“You’re not in love with me anymore, Harry,” she says, almost like she’s trying to convince herself that. “Yes, I am, love. I’m still in love with you, even after all this time,” he says desperately to her. 

“Don’t do this to me, Harry. It’s not funny,” she says as her voice starts to waver. “It’s not fair to your fiancée for you to say this.” It’s funny to her how she still doesn’t know her name, but maybe she doesn’t know hers either. Harry steps closer to her and his heart breaks a little when she steps back. 

“Darling,”

“Don’t, Harry! Please,” she practically begs him. “Just go back to her. It’s been a good talk and it’s good to see you again but you have to leave,” 

“I don’t want to leave you, Y/N,” he says and it’s surprising how calm he is at this moment. 

“Harry, I,” 

“I’m not engaged anymore,” he says, cutting her off. She stares at him in shock and disbelief. “What do you mean?” She asks. He sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair. “I broke it off with Talia. There won’t be any wedding,” he confesses.

“So what? You broke up with her just to look out for me? Are you insane!?” She exclaims. She doesn’t want to believe that he broke up with her because of her. She thinks back if she would’ve hid from him during the party, he’d still be in a happy relationship with Talia with no problems. Once again, she’s thinking it’s all her fault.

“I’m as sane as I can be,” He says, raising his voice slightly to match her tone. She shakes her head, paces in her place, muttering ‘no’s to herself. “Darling, look at me,” Harry says gently as he steps closer to her. “No, this isn’t happening,” She’s now muttering words to herself and it breaks him even more to think she might think this is her fault when it’s not. 

“Look at me, Y/N,” he says as he tries to get her to look at him, but to no avail, she keeps her eyes away from him. “No, Harry. We can’t,” she says and she realises now how tears are starting to fall from her eyes. “Yes, we can, darling! Just listen to me,” he tries to convince her.

“You belong with Talia, Harry! Someone who has her life put together, a-and, someone who’s not fucked in the head as I am! She’ll make you happy!” She tells him, almost trying to convince him to go back and fix his relationship. 

“She won’t make me as happy as I was with you. It wouldn’t be fair to her,” Harry says to her as he tries to cup her face and wipe her tears. “What wouldn’t be fair to her? Huh?” 

“It wouldn’t be fair to lead her on when I’m in love with you!” 

And then, everything stops. Silence fills the room and all you could hear are the heavy breaths between them. Harry runs his hand over his face before speaking again. “I tell myself that I’ll be able to love again after you. But the love I’ll have for any other will never amount to the love I have for you. It wouldn’t be fair to move on with Talia when all I could think about is you. When I know I’ll always be madly in love with you,” he tells her, his voice wavering with every word he says.

She breathes in shakily, feeling the painful lump in throat. “Maybe if we hadn’t met that night, you wouldn’t have to think like that,” she says so softly under her breath, like she was ashamed. She looks down like a child being scolded by a parent. 

She hears him stepping closer to her and this time, she doesn’t step back away from him. She feels his hand under her chin, lifting her head up so she has no choice but to look at her. His forest-green eyes, ever so beautiful, are glossy with the tears he holds. “I wish you’d stop thinking that this is your fault when it’s not, darling,” he says gently to her.

She realises how close their faces are together, feeling his breath hitting her face as they stare at each other with the same look. She sees it in his eyes. Love. And maybe it’s because she’s emotionally exhausted or she realises how there is still love in his eyes for her and only her. 

She gently yet hesitantly puts her hand on his cheek, seeing as how he leans into her touch with his eyes closed, as if he misses her touch all this time. She doesn’t waste another second before pulling his face closer and letting their lips crash against each other. Harry is quick enough to reciprocate the action. His hand that is not on her hand wraps itself around her torso so move her closer to her. All he wants is to be close to her. 

She whimpers into the kiss as she feels tears streaming down her face again. She misses this. She misses his kisses, how soft and plump his lips feel against hers and how they taste. She misses the way he pulls her closer to him because he doesn’t want any space in between them. She misses him. 

They don’t know long they have been kissing until they break apart to catch their breath. She feels dizzy after the kiss while he feels like he’s on cloud nine. Their lips still brush against each other and Harry pecks her lips softly as she whimpers at the action. 

“I love you,” she finally tells him. And it feels so good to say it again to him. Harry sighs shakily, almost in disbelief that she said those three words, and his lips break out into the biggest smile. “Really?” He asks. She giggles as her hands cup his face. 

Harry sighs and leans his head back with his eyes closed, looking so bliss in the moment. “I’m sorry. Can you say that again? I wasn’t paying attention,” he says teasingly with a smug smile on his face. Y/N gasps and playfully punches his shoulder a bit, making him laugh. 

“I love you, you handsome idiot,” she says laughing at him. Harry shakes his head with a wide stupid grin on his face. He rests his forehead on hers, their noses brushing against each other’s. “Again, please. Just so I know I’m not dreaming this,” he says, his eyes closed as he savours in the moment. 

She grabs his face in her hands and pulls him away so she could look at him. He notes how soft yet small her hands felt as caresses his face. “I love you,” she says again, more gently but having more love and passion in her words. And she loves saying it because she does.

She has always loved him and always will love him. Her beats for him as his does for her. Her thoughts are filled with nothing but him. Looking at him now, he feels just as lovely and beautiful as the days they were together before. She knows that she’ll never love another as much as she loves him. She’ll fully admit that she is crazy, stupidly, madly and truly in love with him. 

Harry smiles ever so lovingly at her as his large hands cup her face. At this moment, it feels right, like they belong together. Despite the odds and struggles she had to go through, he promises to never leave her side, to always be around, to always be the shoulder she needed to cry on, to lend her his arms to give her the warmth and comfort she deserves. And he admits that he is truly, madly and deeply in love with her too. 

“I love you too,” he says as he brings their faces closer to each other, enclosing the gap between their lips again. He misses the way her lips gelt and how sweet they taste against his. He swears he’ll never get tired of loving her. Their lips move against each other slowly and gently as they try to savour in the moment. A moment that just felt right to them. For a moment, her champagne problems are forgotten, even though it’s still something that will always be a part of her.

They part away soon after, now staring into the eyes they fell in love with. Their smiles are permanently inked on their faces as the two lovers look at each other with the only things they have on their mind that will get them through. 

Love and hope. 

And somehow, that was everything. 

[kirisaki-daichi-scenarios]

a discussion of jabberwock with team interaction hcs + deeper nash analysis

for anon who asked "Can we get some headcanons for jabberwock members or like headcanons when they're together? (its okay if it was jason or nash only)" and made me realise it's about time i get these guys' personalities down

note before we start: cause i didn't know their names until i wrote this

zack is the bald one, allen is the one with a headband, nick is the other white guy apart from nash.

team hcs

nick gets bullied for being under 6ft, but not by jason

nah good old jason teases all of them for being short fucks, emphasising that they’re all 5ft tall in comparison to him

he 100% lifts things out of the others' reach and then laughs for ages after when they try get them

unfortunately though, they’re all used to this and now just ignore him. either that or nash stares at him so intensely jason actually repents and hands it back

zack’s another one with a very good glare, but he’s used it too often on jason and it’s since stopped working.

also jason gives me ‘straightens his back as much as possible when getting measured so he’ll measure in as 7ft’ vibes

oh and he thinks he could wrestle a gator and win. i’ve got no explanation for that except for the fact you can't tell me it's ooc.

allen’s very protective over his white headband - it’s his lucky item - but he’d never let anyone know that

he’s confident in his abilities like the rest of them, but there’s nothing wrong with wearing a headband just in case

(nash knows anyway)

they watch nba matches together and do not shut up once throughout the entire match - lots of jeering, booing each other if someone criticises a player they like, lots of “i could do that”, lots of “get your fucking hand out of my popcorn do you want me to punch you in the face” etc

they used to all live together, but nash has since moved out. he was sick and tired of trying to make people do chores, as the only one who kept their room clean.

yeah the others’ house looks like a heap of trash but also very much “where’s my toothbrush?” “it’s in the third coke can by the orange peel behind the sink” *silence* “yeah thanks” *a minute later* “who the fuck has been using my toothbrush”

they’re all “bro your dribbling sucks why are you on this team loser” to one another, but also very protective (aka arrogant for one another) if anyone else Dared to criticise one of their teammates

then again, what kind of person would criticise jabberwock

half of the time he spends with jabberwock, nash is a Single Mother TM trying to get a bunch of man children to behave; the other half of the time, he's just as bad as the rest of them

i talk about this a lot but i get the feeling nash is an exceptionally hard worker, but at least he gets to let his hair down around his teammates sometimes

nash is also the only person jason thought was truly ‘strong’ at first sight

and nash is also the only person who can beat jason in a fight, and also the only person who can get nash to train, and also the only person who can.. [etc. you see my point].

(n.b jason calls himself the ‘almighty me’, nash says that ‘even god can’t beat me’. point made.)

you know how jason silver’s motto is “I have never thought”

imagine him proudly stating that, before zack adds with a straight face, “yeah cause nash does it for you.”

in short, the team would fall apart without nash.

although the team’s communication and coordination is very fine tuned, nash is the guy who keeps everything in order off the court to prevent what is essentially a team of aces ('main characters', if you will) from falling apart

they hang out together a lot, but do all have other friend groups that do not overlap

team bbqs

unofficial rule not to criticise anchovies on pizza because the one time nick did, nash snapped

however pineapple on pizza is fair game, even though zack quite likes it

more than once, jason has brought a girl home and nick has stolen her attention away with effortless trick shots, funky ball manoeuvring etc

more than once nick has had to trek to nash’s place (with a black eye) at midnight to have somewhere to sleep

do you see a correlation?

oh and everyone in the team has been walked in on by nash when they were naked with some girl

nash has absolutely no shame

he apologises to the girl with a charming albeit insincere tone, and then remains standing in front of the bed/couch until his teammate does what he expected of them

usually it involves not having come to practice

allen learnt a few (emphasis on ‘few’) words of japanese before they travelled to japan and was disappointed that he never got to use them

that said, one of those words was hentai

and now a quick analysis of some panels

a) so there's at least one player who wasn't underestimating vorpal swords. if i were to overanalyse, i'd add that nick's wearing a hoodie (possibly athletic wear) whilst nash has a 'fancy' shirt on; perhaps nick wasn't expecting them to be going to host clubs instead of chilling/training?

b) i know what you're thinking: "how can you say nash is a hard worker when he didn't want to practice for the match". i reckon he was still pretty high on the complete and utter success of their previous match, that plus being around girls, encouraged him to have a more 'jason-y' personality. (either that or fujimaki didn't want to add too much depth/realism into nash's character bc he's unequivocally the villain, right? and obviously this helps with the plot and the jabberwock bad geniuses gom good geniuses rhetoric.)

earlier, i mentioned how nash is the only one that could keep the team together, and is thus the undeniable head of the team; here's a clear example. you can see both jason and zack have no interest in continuing - if anything, there's disgust in their faces, kinda just saying "we spat on all of japan, now we can go home". whereas nash won't allow for the slightest of possibilities that there might exist a team stronger than them, and hence agrees to the match. the key thing here is that the others do as he says without too much fuss.

another thing to note is nash's reference to harakiri. now what can we make of that, alongside his proficiency in japanese, in relation to his character? the way i see it, he's either a weeb or possibly has some japanese lineage. (you could spin that even further and say his mother was japanese, taught him the language, then abandoned him, and hence his almost excessive hatred/mockery of the japanese people.) (is that why he wanted to do another match in japan..?)

just a quick point. "thanks to him" - jason isn't so superior as to think that he could win this match effortlessly without nash's support. links pretty nicely with my earlier idea about how nash is the only person jason has always considered 100% strong.

yet another point about how nash is the strongest of the team in pretty much every way you can think of. you know how scary/powerful you have to be to shut jason up (after he's getting real pissed from being prevented from scoring?)

i personally think this is a pretty important panel, though i've never seen anyone mention it before. did nash grow up training in a professional basketball training situation, as opposed to growing up playing streetball like i suspect the others did? well, to answer that question, imma bring in another panel.

here we see visible rage on nick, zack and jason's faces - they can't accept their loss, which is fair enough. but i'd argue that nash's face seems to depict sadness more than it does anger like to rest of them, look at how downturned his mouth is - and he's looking away from the 'camera', as if hiding his shame.

when you combine that with what he says here, i have no doubt that this is someone who has experienced some proper lows in basketball - as would be expected from someone who's played 'properly'. he's possibly not even a prodigy like the rest of them - compare jason's motto with his. "i have never thought" versus "do not suppose opportunity will knock twice at your door".

there's various lines of thinking you could design with this - he might have been trained by alex (hence, himuro having heard of jabberwock, though he should have known of a team as popular of jabberwock regardless), he might have grown up with professional basketballer parents etc. but here's my own little theory:

nash received serious basketball training from early on - maybe because his parents were living vicariously through him, or maybe he always loved the sport and wanted to be no1. so there he was training away, but, as he grew older, it started getting all a bit too much.

he didn't want to dedicate his entire life to basketball. after all, his hobby is water sports and his speciality is boxing; that's a lot of different things to be keeping up with, whereas the pipeline for promising athletes demands people focus solely on basketball. as a result, nash become bitter: stopped attending practice regularly, got in trouble for trash talk of increasing severity, etc.

result was he was kicked out of the program.

only when he was no longer playing basketball again, did he realise how much he missed it. and hence he got into streetball, where he was tremendously successful as someone with so much training, 'elite skills', and the overly confident attitude to boot.

then, one fateful day, he met jason and the rest is history.

[barnibumblr]

Coffee Run - Part One

Pairing: Ina x Bea

Summary: Tensions are high after Bea is paired with Poppy on a project.

Warnings: Mentions of bullying, but mostly fluff!

Word count: 2045

Tagging: @ikingsley @kaitlynliaofanxx @kwaj115 @sheepmomther-personal @swimmingshoebakerydreamer @domakir @veenast @hellyeah90sbaby

***

“How do I look?”, Bea asked, walking into the common area like it was her own personal catwalk. Arms in the air, the brunette paused ahead of the kitchen island, adding a twirl for flair. Hiding her mouthful, Zoey threw her an exaggerated wink whilst she finished chewing her food. “Twit twoo Babe! You look pure fire!” She reached out to touch Bea, hissing and pulling her hand away at the ‘burn’.

When their laughter died down, Zoey shot a look at her watch “oh shit Bea, you’ve got five minutes to get across campus! And we both know this is a class you do not want to be late for”. Bea ran over to the door, slipping on her shoes and throwing her bag over her shoulder. The girl was right though, every minute Bea was late, was one less minute she could spend observing her beloved professor. As she stood up, Zoey was already holding the door open, half a slice of toast in the other hand. Bea rushed past, stopping to steal the toast with her teeth and leaving before her roommate could stop her.

Zoey stepped out into the corridor behind her, “yeah have my toast Bea, what’s mine is yours!” she called out across the bustling hallway. “Oh and say hi to Ms Candice for me” she added, purposely poking for a reaction. Shaking her head, Bea spun around to blow her second favourite New Yorker a kiss. Still moving with the crowd, she turned again to face the direction she was heading, trying to ignore the somersaults in her stomach as she recalled the impromptu book club reading with Ina. ‘I can’t believe I actually straddled my professor’ she taunted herself, mentally facepalming at the ridiculousness of the whole situation.

Bea hurried her steps as she crossed the quad. All jokes aside, she was still desperately trying to impress Ina as her newly appointed TA and being late would not help her case. She was relieved to say the least, when she entered the lecture hall and the Professor was still unpacking her laptop.

The relief was short lived when she glanced around the room and found the only free seat was beside Chloe St James. Bea grunted under her breath, ‘great, just great’ she thought before taking her place next to the blonde. Her behind had barely touched the chair when Chloe threw her first look of disgust, “do you have to Hughes? My day was going just fine”. Bea narrowed her eyes, “it’s not exactly my first choice either Chloe, so how about we both just pretend I’m not really here?”. Along with her retort, she produced the most sarcastic and insincere smile she could summon.

“I’ve got a better idea” Chloe countered, “how about I act like you don’t exist?”. Bea paused, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, all while Chloe stared at her like she was the stupid one.

Ina cleared her throat pointedly and quiet swept across the room, immediately drawing Bea’s attention back to the front. She couldn’t help but think how incredibly sexy it was to watch Ina command the room, how easily she captured everyone’s interest and just kept it.

“Okay, so today we will be heading in a slightly different direction, a bit of a change from the last four weeks. We are going to start covering some elements of linguistic anthropology. I’ve got a short presentation to run through, you’ll have some time to note your key points, and then I would like to open the subject up to debate”.

The professor was just about to continue when a voice called out from the back, “are we going to mass debate Miss Kingsley?”. Ina rolled her eyes good naturedly. “Real smooth Craig. Tell me, how long have you been waiting to use that one?” she challenged. For a guy easily clearing 6ft, Craig almost disappeared in his chair. “Oh and it’s Professor Kingsley, thank you” she added as she launched her powerpoint.

“If everyone could please take out your textbooks and find page 356”, Ina instructed. Whilst everyone started to shuffle and organise themselves, Bea watched how Ina seemed to be searching the room. When her gaze finally settled on Bea, her eyes softened and a small smile graced her lips before she looked away. The eye contact was brief, but long enough for Bea to know Ina had just found what she was looking for.

The class were set to work after the presentation and Bea busied herself, trying her damnedest not to keep staring at the perfect specimen of a woman, currently seated on her desk at the front of the class. Bea’s swooning was cut short when she realised the sniggering she could hear was coming from beside her.

When Ina had finally agreed for Bea to be her TA, it was on the understanding that no drama would be brought into her classroom. It was for that reason Bea inhaled slowly as she turned to the blonde beside her, internally begging for patience. “Can I help you Chloe?” She asked, keeping her tone as neutral as humanly possible. The eye roll she received in reply was already pushing her to the limit, “I don’t know Farmsville, can you?”. Chloe’s tone dripped sarcasm, it took everything Bea had in her not to flip her desk there and then, instead she just calmly replied. “Chloe, if you have something to say, just come out and say it already?”.

Before Chloe could respond, Bea already regretted asking. People in the row in front started to turn their way, aware that it could go off any minute now, some with their phones at the ready.

“Well Bea, I actually wanted to ask you what perfume you were wearing?”, Chloe paused with her hand over her mouth but the brunette wasn’t about to answer. Bea clamped her jaw tightly shut, the muscles twitching in an effort to keep her cool. To make matters worse, Bea could see Ina now watching over her glasses. “Let me guess, is it pig de eurghhh? Chloe laughed excessively, looking over each shoulder to bask in the glory of her own joke.

‘Okay that was actually pretty funny’ Bea thought, taking a moment to appreciate Chloe’s attempt before correcting her. Remembering her voice, she kept it low as she spoke. “I think you meant Eau de Pig, but you know what Chloe… I’m just impressed you came up with that all by yourself!” Bea appraised.

The blonde’s eyes screwed up so tight they almost closed, Bea knew whatever was coming next would be spiteful. Thankfully Ina’s voice rang out across the classroom, “is there a problem ladies?”. Chloe plastered on a well rehearsed smile before responding. “Not now thank you professor, I was just trying to help Bea”, still facing forward her smile dropped to something resembling false pity. “It smells really bad up here, so I was just suggesting she shower more often… To wash away all the pig poo”. As she finished, she gestured at Bea, screwing her nose up.

“That’s quite enough Ms St James. I will absolutely not tolerate any attempt of bullying during my lectures, thank you” Ina reprimanded, her tone much firmer than the class had ever seen. Having Ina defend her should have been everything Bea wanted but instead she covered her face with her hand, trying to hide the embarrassment flooding her cheeks. ‘Oh great’ she thought, ‘ now everyone thinks I’m being bullied’.

Chloe sat back in her seat looking like the cat that got the cream. “See Farmsville, you don’t belong here. Belvoire is a way of life, you can’t just buy your way in and be accepted”. Bea was starting to wonder if Chloe had a point, was she in over her head? “I’m surprised Kingsley even offered you the TA position, I mean what does she even see in you? Maybe she just feels sorry for you, yeah that’s probably it”.

That was the final straw. Bea slammed her laptop closed and started to make her way towards the exit.

“Ms Hughes, is everything okay?” Ina asked, her brows furrowed in concern as Bea raced past her. Bea could only wave her away as the tears prickling her eyes threatened to fall. Ina followed her out into the hall, once she was clear of the classroom she called out to the brunette, who hadn’t even looked back. “Bea? Please stop, are you okay?”.

Ina was relieved when Bea finally halted at the end of the corridor, chasing her across campus would certainly arouse some unwanted attention. Keeping her back to the professor, Bea sighed “I just need to be alone Ina”. And with that she was gone, leaving Ina behind.

Later that afternoon, Bea was still hiding in her bed when her phone pinged.

———————————————————-

1 New Email

From: ikingsley@belvoire.edu

Afternoon Ms Hughes.

Sorry to contact you on such short notice, however I require your assistance as a matter of urgency. If you are available this evening, please could you stop by my office. My evening lecture will be finished at 19:30, so I can meet you there shortly after.

Best,

Professor Ina Kingsley

————————————————————

By the time Bea needed to leave, the campus was fairly quiet, only the odd student passing here and there. Bea wasn’t sure what she would say when she got to Ina’s office, she just knew she needed to apologise. Although she felt bad for walking away from Ina that morning, the last thing she wanted was for her to see just how much Belvoire was really affecting her.

When she arrived the door was already slightly ajar. Bea peered around it, to find the professor sitting in one of the armchairs. Ina hadn’t noticed her yet, so she took the liberty of just watching her for a moment, absorbing her beauty.

The older woman was sat back in her chair, one hand in her lap, the other propping up her chin on the arm of the chair. She seemed to be deep in thought as she stared out the office window, so Bea approached her slowly. At first Ina appeared perfectly still, but as she got closer, Bea could see her furiously jigging her leg. Ina’s aura of calm was not quite reflected from the waist down.

Despite the slow approach, Ina still startled when her visitor came into view. “Oh, Bea!” she laughed nervously, hand to her chest. Bea awkwardly returned a smile as she took the other seat, “Ina, I…” she started. Ina leant forward to listen, her elbows now resting on her knees. Opening her mouth to talk, Bea didn’t quite know where to begin or how to excuse her behaviour, instead her eyes dropped to the floor.

Sensing Bea’s discomfort, Ina knew it was time to put her plan into action. “Right” she said, standing up and straightening out her skirt. Bea watched her move across the room, waiting for the wholesome stack of quizzes she thought were coming her way. Instead Ina picked up and put on her coat.

“We’ve got a lot to get through, so I was thinking we could go grab a coffee first?” she asked, untucking her hair from the collar.

“Are you sure another date’s a good idea?” Bea questioned with a smirk. Although she was upset, she still had it in her to make the other woman blush and she got exactly the response she was going for. Ina grinned, shaking her head at the floor as the tips of her ears turned red.

Ina paused at the door, openly pondering. “I’m not sure of much when it comes to you Bea, but… What I do know is that coffee is never a bad idea”.

Regardless of how bad her day had been, Bea loved how she could bring Ina’s walls down, even if only temporarily. “You’re not really selling it to me, Ina” she teased.

“Miss Hughes, please will you allow me the pleasure of your company and join me on a brief walk to the coffee shop?”. Despite the flutter she felt in her stomach, Bea laughed at Ina’s formality. She made her way to the door, giggling again as the professor held it open with a bow.

***

[ibijau]

Futures Past pt 20 / on AO3

(posting early this week because I might not have time tomorrow)(also, because of the upcoming xisang week, I’m not sure yet if I’ll update this fic next week)

With some help from Su She, Nie Huaisang gets his wangxian ship sailing.

Nie Huaisang guiltily twisted his hands as they left the classroom, already half crying as Wei Wuxian finished retelling his first day of punishment with Lan Wangji. 

"I really am so sorry, Wei-xiong!" he lamented. "I really wish I could help you. Maybe if I could find a way to copy part of the rules for you and pass them to you…" 

"Lan er-gongzi would surely notice," Meng Yao softly objected. "And then you'd both be punished again." 

"Aren't you busy enough with your own punishment anyway?" Jiang Cheng huffed. "You'll be lucky if you can even attend your music lessons with all that extra homework you were given, right?" 

With a miserable sigh, Nie Huaisang nodded. Cheating was more work than he'd thought, and he'd have to find a better way to do it if he were to pass that year. Though really, it had been Lan Wangji’s fault for joining the lectures, which he hadn't done the previous year, and also Wei Wuxian's for taunting Lan Wangji by looking at him. Of course Lan Wangji had gotten curious, and he'd noticed the cheating, and… 

For some reason, Lan Qiren had decided that Wei Wuxian was the instigator in this business, so he'd been punished the hardest. But Nie Huaisang had been given a lot of essays to write, and he didn't dare to ask Lan Xichen to help, fearing to be scolded for his dishonesty. Meng Yao and Jiang Cheng, who hadn't cheated at all, offered little sympathy and even less help, the first because he was still catching up, the second because he didn't feel like it. Hopefully Su She might give a hand, if Nie Huaisang cried a little. 

"It's really not so bad," Wei Wuxian said carelessly. "I won't say that first afternoon in the library with Lan Zhan was fun, he's even more boring than his uncle, but I think I can entertain myself. I bet before the month is over, I can get him to break his self control. Now that'd be fun!" 

Nie Huaisang stopped on his tracks and grabbed him by the arm, not a trace of tears in his eyes. 

"Wei-xiong, why do you have to antagonise him so much?" 

"Why wouldn't I? I'd like to be his friend, but he's too stuck up. Pissing him off is the next best thing." 

Baffled by that logic, Nie Huaisang looked at their two friends. Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes, while Meng Yao was trying his best not to smile. 

"Wei gongzi is like that, don't question it too much. He likes to tease people, and thinks everyone understands it's meant in a friendly manner."

Judging by the tone of his voice, Meng Yao himself had been a victim of that friendly teasing, and that perhap it hadn't gone so smoothly between them. That would explain why Meng Yao seemed to prefer Jiang Cheng's company, who was less fun to have around, but also a little quieter when he wasn’t shouting at Wei Wuxian.

Personally, Nie Huaisang preferred Wei Wuxian out of the three, but was getting a little annoyed at him right at that moment. 

While Jiang Cheng and Meng Yao went their way to enjoy their freedom for the rest of the day (they would waste it studying, they seemed the type), Nie Huaisang decided to accompany Wei Wuxian all the way to the library, so they could chat a little. He still had a plan to put in motion, orders from his future self to obey, and his own natural desire for fun to satisfy.

“I don’t understand why you’re like that with Lan Wangji,” Nie Huaisang said as they took the longest path possible toward the library, trying to keep his tone casual. "If you want to be his friend, there are better ways. Why don't you talk to him nicely?" 

Wei Wuxian did not even hesitate. "I've tried, and he ignores me." 

That was sadly true, as Nie Huaisang had seen a few times. It didn’t help that Wei Wuxian naturally sounded like he was trying to tease people, even when he was sincere. He was so fun to have around that most people didn’t mind it, but for someone like Lan Wangji...

"Well maybe if you apologised to him?" Nie Huaisang suggested.

"I've tried that too, but he thinks I'm insincere.”

"Because you are!" Nie Huaisang pointed out, fighting a smile.

Wei Wuxian just laughed, but that was an answer in itself.

"Please, at least don't make him any angrier," Nie Huaisang pleaded. "He'll never be your friend otherwise!" 

Hearing him get so distressed about that, Wei Wuxian stopped in his tracks, his expression more serious than Nie Huaisang had ever seen so far. He was a little scary like that, something about his height and the shape of his eyes making him look cold and distant when he wasn’t grinning and laughing.

"Listen, Nie-xiong,” Wei Wuxian said in a voice that had lost some of its warmth. “I want to be his friend, sure. I think there's something interesting about him, definitely. I’d really like it if I could be close to Lan Zhan, and given the chance I’ll do it for sure. But if he only becomes friends with me because I start acting like someone I'm not, then we're not really friends, and it's not worth the effort."

“Wei-xiong, I didn’t expect you to be wise like that,” Nie Huaisang whispered, a little awed.

“Only you would find that wise,” Wei Wuxian mocked, and Nie Huaisang found that he could breathe a little more easily now that the other boy was laughing again. “If Jiang Cheng heard me, he’d say that my personality is too awful for anyone to like me! And Meng Yao would say something about compromises. I’m pretty sure they’re the wise ones, but I just don’t feel like acting so seriously.”

Nie Huaisang grinned, a little envious of such a bold way of living. He was not always likeable, according to a lot of people (himself included, when it came to the man he was supposed to become), and so he would never have expected people to fully like him as he was. Nobody except his brother, who had little choice in the matter, and maybe Su She who probably felt like he couldn’t be too picky when it came to friends, and… well, Lan Xichen seemed to like him as he was, too, but that was just because he was so nice.

It was so bold of Wei Wuxian to expect to be fully accepted as he was. But then again, Lan Wangji also wasn’t the sort to make efforts to get others to like him, so at least they had that in common.

As they arrived near the library, the topic had to be dropped. Wei Wuxian, with a grimace of fake agony, went inside to sit with Lan Wangji, while Nie Huaisang had the pleasant surprise of finding Su She about to leave the library, and free to spend some time with him. Lan Wangji had asked for his help to put some order in a section of the building while waiting for Wei Wuxian to arrive, and Su She couldn’t decide if he was flattered or annoyed that the request had been made to him rather than another disciple.

Su She ranted about that for a little bit as they walked away from the library, before complaining about his classes, and then about a letter from his mother who wanted him to send home some talismans because she was still convinced their house was haunted even thought he’d visited during winter and hadn’t noticed anything amiss. Nie Huaisang listened, and even reacted here and there, but couldn’t quite focus on his friend’s problem that day. Su She noticed of course, and asked what hung so heavy on his mind that he couldn’t even laugh at his description of a clearly fake haunting.

“I might have a silly question to ask you,” Nie Huaisang replied. “But please, don’t make fun of me for it. It’s kind of important, and I think you could really help me.”

“That sounds very worrying, but fine, ask me.”

"How would one seduce a Lan?" 

Su She gave him such a long, serious look, that Nie Huaisang started feeling he’d rather have been laughed at after all.

"So you're finally doing something about Lan gongzi?” Su She asked. “About time, it was getting annoying how clueless you are. And, well, if you want my opinion…" 

"Oh, no, this is about Lan Wangji, not Xichen-gege!" 

Su She stopped walking and fell silent for a moment, his expression turning complicated. He looked as if he’d eaten a very sour lemon that also happened to be moldy, all while there was a cut in his mouth.

"Lan er-gongzi? Really?"

"Yes. See, I think Wei-xiong and him could be good friends,” Nie Huaisang quickly explained, startled by that strong reaction, “so of course I want to help. But they're the two most difficult people in the world, you know? Xichen-gege is helping, but a second opinion never hurts." 

"Ah, it's just that," Su She said, instantly relaxing. 

He resumed walking away from the library, and Nie Huaisang followed.

"Well, yeah. Why did you think I needed help about Xichen-gege?" 

Su She hesitated, and even opened his mouth a few times to say something. Eventually he frowned and shrugged.

"If you're too stupid, it's not my problem,” he said. “Let's talk about those other two instead, since you’re so preoccupied. Aside from being equally good at fighting, what do they have in common?" 

Nie Huaisang crossed his arms on his chest and shook his head.

"Nothing at all." 

Su She nodded.

"Then I guess they need to fight again. Maybe in public."

"You think that'd help if they had an audience?" Nie Huaisang wondered.

"No idea,” Su She said with a wicked grin, “but I'd like to see Lan er-gongzi in a fight that makes him break a sweat."

Nie Huaisang poked him in the ribs.

"Mean. But… Wei-xiong can be pretty full of himself,” he admitted. “I guess I'd also like to see if he's as good as he thinks. How to get them to fight though?"

They’d reached a more isolated part of the Cloud Recesses, a small garden that rarely saw much use, just at the border to the wilderness. They found a bench, and after removing some dead leaves they sat there to continue chatting in peace.

"In two days, you get a day off from lectures, right?” Su She asked. “Get your Wei-xiong to the training grounds after lunch. Lan er-gongzi is always there at that time on a free day, and I'll do my best to be as well. It'll be pretty easy to get them to spar." 

"Su-xiong you're just the best!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed, hugging his friend who barely even grumbled against such effusions. “What would I do without you?" 

"You'd be less efficient for sure. Now can we talk about something less boring than Lan er-gongzi?”

“Yes, yes! Tell me more about your parents’ haunting, I’ll really listen now! If it’s not a ghost, then what is it?”

Pleased to return to a more fun subject, Su She started discussing his theory about some wild cats and a few squirrels that he suspected to have found their way into the currently disused ‘haunted’ room, and talked about it with such indignation that Nie Huaisang was soon in tears from how hard he laughed.

-

Although nobody had been warned of the duel to come, a small crowd had quickly assembled around the training grounds once it became understood that Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian were having a friendly fight. They were both reputed to be insanely skilled after all, and rumours about their first duel under the moonlight had spread fast. 

So far, Nie Huaisang had to admit that both boy's reputation was deserved. If anything, they were both more talented than he would have expected. They exchanged blows and parried them as if it were easier than breathing, making for a beautiful show. Su She, who stood on Nie Huaisang's right at the very edge of the training grounds, appeared consumed with admiration and envy. He'd fallen silent a while ago, and perhaps regretted this fight he'd helped organise. 

On Nie Huaisang's left, Jin Zixuan was almost as upset, just a little better at concealing it. 

"I can't believe such talent has been wasted and given to the world's most obnoxious person," he complained as Wei Wuxian dodged a blow. 

"Apparently, that's also Lan Wangji’s opinion," Nie Huaisang cheerfully replied. "But I think he's warming up to Wei-xiong now." 

Lan Wangji, after a moment of surprise at the way Wei Wuxian had avoided his attack, lunged at him again with renewed vigour. 

"Yes, I can see they're on their way to becoming best friends," Jin Zixuan sneered. "Well, that's getting boring. I was hoping to see Wei Wuxian put in his place, but now he's just going to be more insufferable. I'll see you later, Nie gongzi." 

He left, but the spot next to Nie Huaisang didn't remain empty for very long. Lan Xichen quickly made his way there. Nie Huaisang immediately smiled at him, but unlike the rest of them, Lan Xichen didn't appear to pleased by the show. 

"Huaisang what's going on here?" he asked. "What are they fighting about? Did something happen?" 

"Oh they're just fighting for the sake of it!" Nie Huaisang cheerfully explained, only for Lan Xichen to look even more distressed. 

"Wangji got into a fight without reason? How?" 

Alerted by his tone, Su She tore his eyes from the fight and gave Lan Xichen a quick bow. 

"Lan gongzi needs not worry. They're not actually fighting, this is only a friendly spar." 

"Yes, we thought it'd be good for them, so we made it happen," Nie Huaisang confirmed. “I think it’s going great! Wei-xiong looks like he’s having the time of his life!”

Reassured that no rules were broken and no serious harm was intended by either party, Lan Xichen finally properly looked at the ongoing duel. He observed the two fighters for a moment before eventually nodding.

“Wangji too is enjoying this,” he said after some consideration. “I’m glad for him. It is so rare for him to get an opponent of his level. Other juniors are rarely a match, and adults won’t spar with him because they don’t want to lose to someone so young. You had a good idea, Huaisang.”

“Oh, that wasn’t even my idea,” Nie Huaisang replied, beaming. “It was Su-xiong who suggested it, and who asked to see them spar.”

Lan Xichen turned his attention to Su She, who appeared a little uncomfortable. Nie Huaisang realised, a little late, that scheming to make people fight, even in a friendly manner, was probably against some of Gusu Lan rules.

“I am glad you have such a good friend helping you set your plan in motion,” Lan Xichen said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Still, don’t drag him into too much mischief. I would be very disappointed in you, Huaisang, if you caused Su-shidi to get in trouble. He’s worked so hard to prove himself to our teachers, let’s not ruin his efforts just because you like to have a little too much fun.”

“Of course not!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed. “Su-xiong, you wouldn’t let me cause you real problems, right?”

“I only agree with Nie gongzi’s ideas if they don’t contradict the rules,” Su She confirmed, bowing again toward Lan Xichen. “And I wouldn’t let Nie gongzi do anything dangerous or ill-advised. Lan gongzi can be at peace, I won’t let anything happen to his friend.”

Lan Xichen smiled stiffly. 

"I know I can trust Su-shidi to take good care of Nie gongzi. I am… quite happy to leave him in your hands, where I know he'll be safe." 

It was a rather odd way to say that, and there was something a little too cold in Lan Xichen’s tone which did not quite please Nie Huaisang. But Su She himself seemed unbothered, so this might just have been Nie Huaisang imagining things. It was probably just that Lan Xichen still remained doubtful regarding Lan Wangji’s potential friendship with Wei Wuxian, which had to affect his mood.

But things really were going quite well. In fact, they were going much better than Nie Huaisang had hoped. After fighting a little more, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian eventually stopped when a Lan teacher approached them to explain that he needed the training grounds for his own class. There didn’t appear to be a clear winner between them, as far as Nie Huaisang could say. Later, when he asked Su She, his friend gave his more expert opinion that although they had completely different fighting styles, they were equals in strength and capacity. It would be interesting, he said, to see them fight side by side instead of against each other.

For now though, they politely bowed to each other, and Wei Wuxian, grinning more brightly than Nie Huaisang had ever seen him yet, asked if they might train together again in the future.

It was quite funny to see Lan Wangji’s conflicted expression. On one hand, Wei Wuxian was nearly a criminal in his eyes, who had disrespected his uncle, broken many rules, and cheated during an exam, all of which was unforgivable and marked Wei Wuxian as beneath his consideration. But at the same time, this looked to have been a very fun sparring session, Lan Wangji had been forced to use all his skill to keep up with his opponent, and that was something too precious to be easily dismissed.

At a loss, Lan Wangji turned to look at his brother, hoping for guidance. Lan Xichen, in turn, only briefly glanced at Nie Huaisang before nodding at his brother with an encouraging smile.

“Behave in class,” Lan Wangji ordered with a slight frown, before turning away.

Wei Wuxian looked disappointed by what he must have mistaken for rejection, but Nie Huaisang saw that answer for what it was and ran to his friend to explain that Lan Wangji had, in fact, very warmly agreed to fight him again.

[slasherhaven]

Hi!! Could you please write an Otis x reader one shot where the reader is into him and doesn’t think he knows but he totally knows and he’s kind of thrown off because most girls find him disgusting and just idk I’m really in the mood for some good Otis content 💕💕💕

Of course!

Why Does he Hate me? (Otis Oneshot)

Word Count: 2425

You had been a friend of the Firefly family for quite some time now, knowing all the dirty little details of their lifestyle but you still hung around. Baby had become your best friend quickly, Mama treated you like one of her own whenever you came round to the house, but it was Otis that captivated most of your attention.

Something about him just pulled you in.. You couldn’t even explain it but it was killing you because he seemed completely oblivious and you wouldn’t dare approach the subject with him when you were so sure he wasn’t interested. 

"I'm out" Baby pouted as she tipped her beer can back, quickly realising it was empty. "Mind grabbing me another one?" she asked you, batting her lashes as if that would convince you.

"Aren't I supposed to be your guest? Shouldn't you be getting us the drinks?" you raised an eyebrow at her.

"Oh please you pretty much live here. I think Mama might even like you more, she won't yell at ya for drinking the beers" Baby scoffed, waving you off dismissively.

"Fine" you chuckled as you rose from the couch, stretching your back before placing your own empty beer can down on the coffee table. "Could you possibly throw these in the trash?" you asked.

"Sure" Baby nodded, her attention focused on the old horror movie playing on the Tv. You laughed again and shook your head before leaving for the kitchen.

Stepping into the kitchen, you teased for a moment when you saw Otis at the fridge. The effect he had on you was ridiculous but you tried to push it down every time you saw him, reminding yourself that he was not interested in you.

"Hey Otis, you mind passing me a couple beers?" you asked as you walked up behind him.

Apparently he hadn't heard you enter the kitchen because you caught the small flinch before he turned to you. "You got hands, get them yourself" he snapped, making your eyes widen. He must have been in a bad mood...

"I would but...you're kinda in the way" you pointed out, gesturing to the fact that he was standing right in front of the refrigerator.

Otis huffed, glancing back at the fridge before turning back to it properly. He grabbed himself a can of beer before slamming the door shut. "You're just always here aren't ya?" Otis turned back to you with a glare.

"Uh..." you didn't know what to say, didn't know how to respond.

Sure, Otis could be really unapproachable and definitely knew how to make you nervous. You were used to his short temper and bad days but that didn't make it hurt any less when it was directed at you.

"Sorry" you whispered as you shuffled around his figure, pulling the fridge door open.

You only heard him mutter something under his breath before leaving. You sighed to yourself as you grabbed the two beers, closing the fridge door before returning to the living room.

With a huff you flopped down onto the couch beside Baby, handing her one of the cans and noticing that the two empty cans were still sitting on the coffee table.

"What's wrong with you? You only went to the kitchen?" Baby asked as she took the drink, laughing softly but you knew that she was genuinely concerned. She could sometimes come across as a little insincere but you knew her well enough to know how she really felt.

"I think your brother hates me" you mumbled as you popped your can open, bringing it to your lips for a quick gulp.

"Why ya think that?" she opened her own can, sparing you a small glance.

"He's just always glaring at me or snapping at me. He just did it in the kitchen because he was in the fridge and I asked him to pass me some beers. Seriously, what's his problem?" frustration was clear in your voice at this point, "I ain't done nothing to him!"

"He don't hate ya" Baby shook her head as she drank from her can.

"Yeah well tell him that" you rolled your eyes, unconvinced.

"He's an idiot, don't let it bother ya" Baby knew that you had feelings for Otis, she could see it on your face whenever he was in the room.

She also knew that your feelings weren't unreciprocated. Her brother was stubborn and hard headed but she was one of the people who knew him better than anyone, and she knew that he liked you more than he let on. If he really didn't like you, you wouldn't be welcome in the house, he wouldn't let you go out with him and Baby, you wouldn't just be frustrated by his difficult personality.

-----

The next time you visited the Firefly residence was only the next day and, as usual, you were visiting Baby but when you knocked on the door Otis answered it instead.

"Oh, hi. Is Baby here?" you asked, quickly collecting yourself to not make a fool out of yourself in front of this man.

"Nah, thought she would've told ya that" he shrugged, sounding completely disinterested in the conversation.

"Did she say when she would be back? Y'know what, never mind, I'll just come by later" you shook your head, turning to walk away.

"Shit, hold on" Otis huffed as he caught your arm in his hand, making you turn back to him. "C'mon, you can wait inside" he offered, releasing your arm and stepped to the side to let you through the doorway.

"Thanks" you smiled politely as you walked into the house, realising just how quiet it was as Otis shut the door. "Is anyone home?" you glanced back at him over your shoulder.

"Everyone's out" he told you simply. You nodded, nervously picking at your fingernails at the thought of being home alone with Otis. "You're going to make yourself bleed" he chastised, staring at your hands. You instantly stopped picking at your nails and folded your arms to resist the urge to keep doing so. "See ya later then" Otis nodded before beginning to walk past you, apparently just planning to leave you alone in the house.

"Otis" you spoke before you could stop yourself, making the man turn back to you. "...why don't you like me? I mean obviously you don't have to like me, I just...have I done something to you?" you asked, glancing around the room to avoid looking at his face.

"I don't...not like you" was all Otis said but that just confused you even more, making your gaze snap to his face.

"Then why do you always seem mad when I'm around?" you asked.

"Why are you always around?" he responded with another question rather than giving you any clear answer.

"I...I don't understand..." you shook your head.

"You're just always...here. Always around with your damn smiles and stares" he began to walk towards you with a slight glare, sounding like he was annoyed at you.

"Otis...I'm sorry if I-" you began to apologise as you stepped backwards and away from him.

"Baby said I should apologise" Otis cut you off as your back hit the wall behind you but he still stepped closer to you.

"What for?" you asked, watching him carefully.

"For upsetting you. I told her to fuck off because I didn't upset you" Otis scoffed, making you chuckle a little as you imagined the argument that must have broke out between them. "But I did upset ya, didn't I?" he asked, earning a slightly confused look from you. "Yesterday when I snapped at ya, I upset ya" he reminded you.

"I...just want to know why you always seem so annoyed when I'm around" you sighed, remembered how he had snapped at you. You weren't mad about it but you did want to know what his problem with you was.

"'cause you frustrate me" Otis told you but that just made you look away from him, you still didn't know what you had done to him to frustrate him. "I just don't get it" he moved closer to you, now being far too close to be considered a friendly distance.

"Get what?" you asked quietly.

"Why you're at all interested in me. You should want to put as much distance between me and yourself as possible but you don't" he squinted at you.

"I'm not scared of you, Otis" you told him honestly, your voice soft as you met his gaze. Even if he should, he really didn't scare you.

"Shit, I can see that" he scoffed.

"And...that frustrates you?" you asked, trying to understand but only feeling more confused.

"It confuses me!" his voice raised, making you flinch a little but only from surprise not fear. "Ya ain't scared of me, ya ain't disgusted by me, ya just ain't like anyone else" he seemed to move closer to you but you could have been imaging it.

"I've known the family for a while now...kinda takes a lot to freak me out these days" you shrugged.

"Obviously so. Instead of being disgusted by me, ya have damn feelings for me" Otis muttered, making your eyes widen in shock.

"What? Did Baby tell you that?" you were going to kill her!

"She didn't need too. I ain't stupid and I ain't blind, I see how ya look at me, always smiling at me no matter how much I push ya away" he shook his head, seemingly unfazed by your reaction.

"I'm sorry" you hung your head, embarrassed that he had been aware of your feelings this whole time. For some reason you just felt like you had to apologise for that, maybe that was why he was so bothered by you all the time.

"You ain't gotta apologise, I've already said that I'm the one apologising for upsettin' ya" Otis sighed.

"It's fine" you assured him quietly.

"It ain't but I'm good at fuckin' up. Would like to make it up to ya though" he admitted sincerely.

"You don't have too. It's fine, really" you repeated.

"I want too" Otis insisted, his finger hooking under your chin before lifting your head and making you look at him.

"Otis?" you whispered, caught off guard by the gentle action and trying to supress your blush.

"Y'know...not many women would look twice at a man like me. And any that do realise their mistake once I open my damned mouth. You ain't like them though, are you?" you weren't sure if you were supposed to answer so you just shook your head, hoping that was the right thing to do. "Y'see, that's why I like you" he hummed.

"You do?" you asked as you found your voice again, looking up at him curiously.

"Always have. But havin' those sorts of feelings was overwhelming enough, and then you had to go and throw me off by returning them. Not many people surprise me but you did, you always do" his fingertips trailed up the side of your jaw, making sure you kept looking at him.

You had seen this side of Otis before. The soft side, the more normal side, the human part of him. And that had played a large part in your feelings for him, knowing that there was so much more to him, and all of him you loved, even the sinister parts.

"Well...I do like you, Otis. I like you a lot, I just thought you'd never feel the same" you confessed as you timidly rested your hands against his chest.

"Now, how couldn't I feel the same about someone like you" he smirked slight as he fully cupped your jaw in his hand.

"I'm not too boring for your tastes?" you asked a little playfully, making Otis chuckled slightly.

"You know exactly what is hiding in the basement and you're still here, you are far from boring, darlin'" he assured you, making you smile.

You watched him carefully, gaze scanning his face, as you waited for him to make a move. He had you between a wall and his body, his hand was still against your jaw, and he didn't look like he planned on moving anytime soon so surely he was going to kiss you.

You finally had him so close at last, knowing that he felt the same about you, and you needed him to kiss you but...he just wasn't moving.

So, taking matters into your own hands, you slipped your hands up to the back of Otis' neck and pulled him down until his lips met yours.

Once again, Otis was taken back by you. By how much you genuinely wanted him, cared for him, and felt for him.

But he quickly took control of the kiss, the hand on your jaw moving to the back of your head to hold you in position. His other hand found your hip as he pressed you up against the wall, hand sliding up your waist as he slotted a leg between yours.

Your fingers tangled in his long hair as he pressed himself closer to you, feeling you arch into him as he wrapped his arm around your waist, his hand landing on the small of your back to hold you even closer.

"Otis!" Mama's voice rang through the house, neither of you had heard the back door open and close. You braced your hands against Otis' shoulders as you pulled away from the kiss, both of you turning see the woman stepping into the room. "Oh...well, don't you two mind me. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me, alright?" she smiled kindly, looking between you both, making you blush before slipping right back out of the room.

"C'mon" Otis snatched your hand in his before tugging you towards the stairs.

"Shouldn't Baby be home soon?" you asked, glancing back at the front door but didn't fight him in the slightest.

"Who cares?" Otis asked, muttering slightly, probably already annoyed by the possibly of somebody else coming in and disturbing you both. You just shrugged and smiled, letting the man guide you up the stairs as if you hadn't been in the house so often.

"Glad you two finally got together!" Mama called from the kitchen when she heard footsteps heading up the stairs.

"Fuckin' hell" Otis rolled his eyes, making you laugh. You liked these moments in the Firefly residence, the moments were they really did just seem like a somewhat normal family. And you were happy to be a part of that family.

[dabi-drift]

Yaoyorozu, Hawks, Bakugou, Amajiki, Dabi, Mirko & Geten with a Genderfluid S/O:

If you want any characters adding here or to anything else I write, just drop me a comment or an ask!

Momo Yaoyorozu:

☿ It was hard enough for you to acknowledge your own gender- fully understanding it was a different topic - so coming out to Momo was going to be tough.

☿ Really tough.

☿ She was a lovely girl and a wonderful girlfriend.

☿ But could you really expect her to be supportive of something so complex?

☿ Your gender fluctuated a lot - sometimes you'd feel distinctly outside the binary, and sometimes you'd feel more masculine, or more feminine.

☿ You hadn't noticed this until recently; you rarely gave gender a second thought.

☿ Looking at yourself in the mirror and questioning everything that felt a little off, you'd figured that maybe you just wanted to feel special, a little different.

☿ So you researched. A lot.

☿ You had a system that no-one understood because you were still deep in the closet: a different coloured strand/extension in your hair (on one side only) that stood out but was never questioned.

☿ Red = Feminine, Purple = Non-Binary, Blue = Masculine, Green = Third Gender/Multigender.

☿ Coming out was a decision you spent countless nights debating.

☿ No-one 'deserved' to know, it was really nobody's business…but being gendered correctly 100% of the time did sound nice.

☿ Deep breaths, and positive thoughts.

☿ "I identify as…no, I am genderfluid. You, eh…you should probably know that."

☿ This sweet, precious thing was confused at first.

☿ But you explained it:

☿ "Sometimes I'll feel more masculine, more like a boy, sometimes feminine, neither or both/all genders? I'm still wrapping my head around it too, but eh…it can change a lot. Sometimes a few times a day. Um…sometimes one gender will stick for a while. That's why figuring it out can be…confusing. But it's also enlightening, uh…kinda nice, warm, y'know?"

☿ Instantly says she understands and supports you.

☿ Expect a flurry of hugs and kisses.

☿ Acts like a very proud girlfriend.

☿ Pays extra attention to your hair - never wants to get anything wrong.

☿ If she does, she'll apologise immediately and reprimand herself.

☿ Go easy on her, she'll be an utter mess.

☿ Overall, her love for you is unconditional, and she makes sure that you know she's sorry.

"You shouldn't ever have to be scared to explain who you are."

Keigo Takami/Hawks:

☿ Keigo knew something was amiss.

☿ You'd been dating for two years, and although he never pried, he couldn’t help noticing the way you'd suddenly become uncomfortable when someone addressed you, or when you stayed in one set of clothes for too long.

☿ It wasn’t always the same, and he just figured it was anxiety and general insecurities coming to the surface.

☿ So he held you closer, wrapped you in his wings and fussed over you for hours (or however long his job would allow).

☿ He didn’t have a lot of time to consult the internet.

☿ He also didn’t want to pressure you into revealing anything.

☿ But now, the topic was unavoidable.

☿ You'd broken down, crying and mumbling to yourself when you thought he couldn’t hear you.

☿ He finds you kneeling in front of the full-length mirror in the bedroom.

☿ Rushes to your side in an instant.

☿ "What did the mirror do to you, dove?"

☿ Very, very worried, feathers shaking around you.

☿ Defensive birb, ready to protect you from that loathsome mirror.

☿ "I-I look so…so girly today! It's awful! My chest, and…and…I don’t have a binder, and I…"

☿ Doesn't understand, but is determined not to worsen your mood.

☿ "Hey, look at me. What are binders, and where would we get one?"

☿ He places both hands on your cheeks, and you lean into him.

☿ "They're…they flatten your chest, um…sports bras and binders…I-I've never bought one, so I don’t know…"

☿ He nods. "Do you wanna come with me to look for one?"

☿ You're perplexed - shouldn’t he be weirded out by this?

☿ He laughs, and somehow, it warms your heart. "I just want you to be happy. I'd do anything to make that happen, angel. You might need to explain all this to me, though. I'm a newbie, after all."

☿ He takes physical notes - nothing will catch this man out.

☿ If someone misgenders you, he'll correct them immediately.

☿ If someone acts ignorant or spiteful, he'll 'politely' tell them how to adjust their attitude, and how to address people outside the gender binary.

☿ I.e, respect them even if you don't have a complete grasp on their identity, and never, ever misgender or marginalise them.

"You are yourself, not how others perceive you."

Katsuki Bakugou:

☿ You decided to use pronoun badges. There were some awesome-looking designs out there, and you'd been feeling a little more confident lately. It couldn’t hurt to clue your classmates in, right? Plus, you supposed Katsuki ought to know…he was your boyfriend, after all. He'd definitely be pissed if he discovered this a few years down the line, rage about you not placing enough trust in him, and it'd be a huge mess…

☿ You'd never interrogated him on LGBTQ+ issues, so you weren't sure how he'd take your news; he wasn’t always the most accepting (Midoriya & the quirkless community being obvious testaments to that).

☿ Needless to say, instead of being confused, he was frustrated. Why was he with someone who didn’t even know their correct pronouns? He pointed it out, very matter-of-fact.

☿ When your dazzling smile suddenly dropped, he became concerned. Was he the idiot after all? Why did he upset you? What in the Nine Circles of Hell possessed him to do that?? He didn’t even say anything bad! All he mentioned was…

☿ Oh. Shit.

☿ This boy isn't accustomed to apologising, so don’t expect it to flow naturally. He’ll try, because he loves you, but he won't keep eye contact for very long and he'll recant every few seconds.

☿ This perceived insincerity only masks his guilt, though. He’ll beat himself up for years, unless you stop him. This boy has no chill. He's always the first to go off on people when they disrespect or degrade you, so he's gotta make amends in some way, right?

☿️ Honestly, if there are any pronoun badges with really cool or pretty designs, he'll buy them for you. He'll also get for himself, to prove his acceptance and solidarity. He won't ever allow you to feel alone again. He's more than okay with your identity - it changes absolutely nothing about you. If anything, it gives you a sense of completion. He's here for that, 100%.

☿️ You better believe he'll fight for your rights.

☿️ If there's any hate/intolerance directed at you, he'll explode. Quite literally.

☿️ You'll be tasked with ensuring no-one dies. Unless you want them to, of course.

☿️ They'll deserve it.

☿️ Katsuki is very perceptive, so when he gets to grips with it, he'll most likely notice every indication (however subtle) of a gender change. He'll carry spare pronoun badges around, just in case you lose yours.

☿️ Secretly, he's swimming in pride.

☿️ He's kinda like 'Yeah, that's my awesome partner! Look how cool they are, flaunting their pronouns like that, all confident and happy!'

☿️ This boy adores the ever-loving shit out of you. He hates reflecting on the day you came out, because he handled it so poorly at first. Thankfully now though, you're more secure.

"Gender doesn't matter. I'm gonna be a hero, not a hater."

Tamaki Amajiki:

☿️ (Y/n) wasn’t a dead name, but sometimes the very mention of it made your skin crawl.

☿️ It was a gift from your parents, so you wanted to keep it.

☿️ But it was a very gendered name - you couldn’t escape that.

☿️ So you decided on a few more - ones both your mind and heart adored.

☿️ The names corresponded to different gender identities, and although you weren't out just yet (though you planned to be shortly), they gave you the fluffiest feeling.

☿️ Because you hadn't come out, you didn’t bother making it easy for people - no different coloured bracelets, rings or anything to highlight your gender at the time.

☿️ In your heart, you knew who you were.

☿️ Still…everything seemed tied to the binary - official documents, school, the chatter of other students…you'd seen and heard it all.

☿️ These people didn’t accept non-conformists.

☿️ So why should Tamaki?

☿️ Sure, he was kind-hearted, heroic…amazing, but what would he do? What would he say, when you finally came out? You couldn’t remain in the closet forever.

☿️ No way that was happening! You were human too, your feelings mattered! Surely you were allowed to voice your truth…

☿️ Tamaki loved you.

☿️ He'd be accepting…right? Memorising some more names and pronouns shouldn’t be so tricky.

☿️ To minimise discomfort for both of you, you chose to explain things in his room.

☿️ He got really nervous at first - he thought you wanted to break up.

☿️ Boy was sweating profusely, coming up with all sorts of counter-arguments in his head. He really, really loved you.

☿️ "(Y-Y/n)-"

☿️ "Um, could you maybe call me (O/n) today? It's an…off-spectrum day."

☿️ Cue more confusion than Momo.

☿️ He'll ask about it in a really gentle voice - being anxious himself, he can easily pick up on other people's signs.

☿️ "Basically…my gender's fluid, so…you know how 'sex' is biological and 'gender' is a sense of identity? Well, sometimes I align with my birth sex, sometimes I don't. Today is…one of those days."

☿️ He'll hold your hand while he listens, squeezing it periodically to reassure you.

☿️ Now it's your turn to question the strength of your relationship.

☿️ This boy's love is deep, though; he cares way too much to let anything come between you.

☿️ Plus, nothing about you has actually changed.

☿️ You've just come into yourself, gained more comfort in who you are.

☿️ Tells you how proud he is.

☿️ Asks you to let him know when you sense your gender change, so he never calls you by the wrong name or pronouns.

☿️ It's They/Them today, but who knows about tomorrow? Or even an hour from now?

☿️ Finds gender-neutral compliments and nicknames, and does a ton of research.

☿️ Has an entire script in his head - if you want to come out but can't speak for yourself, Tamaki will push aside his anxiety and recite the words he's practiced a million times.

"You've finally found yourself - only change if it feels right."

Touya Todoroki/Dabi:

☿️ Your identity was really important and dear to your heart.

☿️ But that didn’t stop those you cared for tearing you apart whenever you tried to speak up.

☿️ Your family, your friends…you loved them, but they just couldn’t accept you.

☿️ So you killed them.

☿️ You went on the run, evading police and heroes alike for years.

☿️ And then, you found the League of Villains - a strange dynamic, kind of like family but much more welcoming.

☿️ Yet, your identity stayed hidden. You didn’t have the strength to harm all these people, if they rejected you.

☿️ Besides, there was more solidarity here than there ever had been with your blood relatives.

☿️ Dabi was your companion, though whether that meant closest friend or love interest, you didn’t know.

☿️ He was observant, transforming his thoughts into words regardless of how that affected people.

☿️ He pointed things out immediately.

☿️ "New bracelet?"

☿️ You paused, half-shocked, half-afraid.

☿️ You knew that he'd see through any lie you posed.

☿️ The truth would be the only thing to save you from his flames.

☿️ "That means something, doesn't it, (Y/n)?"

☿️ Step 1: put the drink down so you don't shatter it in anger.

☿️ "Yeah, um…this colour means 'masculine'. I'm a guy…now."

☿️ His face betrayed nothing.

☿️ "Like a reverse Magne?"

☿️ You wondered if that was a genuine question or an attempt at humour.

☿️ Todorokis don't understand jokes.

☿️ "No…she's a transgender woman, I'm genderfluid. I'm not confined to a single gender. It, uh…it changes."

☿️ His nod didn’t instil you with confidence.

☿️ "You out to the others yet?"

☿️ "Didn't think they'd accept me."

☿️ He made a 'Really? You're the least weird of the bunch' face.

☿️ "Ah, I'll just burn 'em if they don't."

☿️ You were too stunned to employ a comeback.

☿️ He contemplated for a while.

☿️ "So, you got any other names?"

☿️ Helps you plan how to come out to the rest of the League.

☿️ Will legitimately burn the haters.

"Found families are more accepting than the real thing."

Rumi Usagiyama/Mirko:

☿️ You bought three mugs - 'It's a Girl', 'It's a Boy' and 'It's a Mess'.

☿️ The excitement had been bubbling away inside you for weeks.

☿️ Rumi still didn’t know that you were genderfluid, but she was about to learn.

☿️ There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that she'd accept you.

☿️ You hadn't told her yet because it was a big thing - lots to take in, and you needed to be completely sure of it, and of your relationship.

☿️ You weren't gonna tell just anyone.

☿️ Dating Rumi was awesome, and this was just the next stage.

☿️ It didn’t go according to plan.

☿️ Not at first.

☿️ "You're pregnant?!" Was her very concerned response.

☿️ She kept muttering about how she needed some space to think things over.

☿️ Until you dragged her back, exasperated but determined to explain yourself.

☿️ "It's in reference to myself. I wanted to let you know, in a funny way, that I'm genderfluid. There's a Girl and a Boy one, and the other is for Non-Binary."

☿️ She made a noise like she understood, but you saw the confusion.

☿️ "Today's an Enby day, but you might have a girlfriend tomorrow. Or a boyfriend. Who knows?"

☿️ In an instant, the biggest smile took control of her face, and she brought you into a crushing hug.

☿️ "So I could have a girlfriend, a boyfriend and a murder partner??"

☿️ "Eh…if you can do the jail-time, count me in."

☿️ This one won't necessarily search for information herself, but she will consult you whenever she's having a difficult time processing something.

☿️ You're like,, the expert in all things LGBTQ+, and she loves listening to you talk so passionately.

☿️ She's really glad you told her - that you trusted her with something so important.

☿️ She feels loved, and makes sure you do too.

☿️ Asks if you ever thought she'd reject you.

☿️ "Nah. We'll go strong forever, Rumi."

☿️ She's overjoyed, honestly.

"You're so brave for coming out, and if someone doesn’t like it, I'll kick their butt."

Geten/Iceman:

☿️ Geten didn’t have the faintest clue about gender identities. He accepted male and female, but without a proper education or motivation to learn anything beside his quirk, you didn’t expect him to understand. You would've held it in, if you were strong enough to deal with the constant misgendering.

☿️ If you use Neopronouns, you're especially worried. They aren't as widely welcomed as the general She/He/They. And Geten being the angry, feral gremlin he is, his temper was a major concern.

☿️ You couldn’t change for him, so if he decided to lash out or disapprove, you'd be crushed. You'd obviously have to walk out of the relationship, if he didn’t do so himself. As deeply as your love ran, you simply couldn’t put yourself through such anguish. You weren't of the soundest mind, so to be rejected by Geten…

☿️ He isn't gonna understand unless you sit him down, crack open the slideshow presentation and maybe start crying? He'll feel guilty, but he doesn't ever wanna see you in distress. He said as much, in the beginning of your relationship.

☿️ So cry. Cry your little heart out, and he'll do everything within his power to comfort you. He's not the most receptive to other people's emotions, but with you, it's different. He's always by your side, always watching over you. His hugs are a little stiff, but wrap your arms around him tightly, and he'll protect you with his life.

☿️ "So…genderfluid?"

☿️ His tone is gentle, like he's afraid to cause any more tears.

☿️ "Yeah, um…you identify with your birth sex, right? Well, I don't…not all the time. And if you could…could use those pronouns? That would mean…a lot. To me. It'd mean everything, actually…"

☿️ He's quiet for a while, still trying to make space in his brain for all this new information. It isn't something he needs to 'come around to', though. He'll be completely painful and respectful. He's bound to slip up a few times, but he'll always correct himself.

☿️ Hates seeing you cringe whenever he makes a mistake. Always vows never to let it happen again.

☿️ You're okay though - you know it's gonna take time.

☿️ Angry boi never uses your gender identity as an insult, and openly condemns (threatens) anyone who does. He'll want to prove himself - prove he's gonna love you regardless of gender, regardless of everything!

☿️ Honestly doesn't know why you were so nervous to explain this. When he said his love was unconditional, he wasn’t lying.

“There’s no way I couldn’t accept who you are.”

[milomeepit]

21 Sanders Street Chapter Eleven: A New Addition

//Amazing art by the wonderful @divinedrabbles can be found here!

First | Previous | Next

Story Warnings: Death, violence, crime, police, strained marriage, non graphic mention of torture, cursing, mental trauma, stabbing, gang, pregnancy Chapter Warnings: showers, pregnancy, mentions of babies and children, talk about parenthood, food mention Rating: Young Adult Ships: Endgame Logicality and Prinxiety

After Virgil Diaz went undercover, nothing was quite the same at the station. Sure, the squad still went to coffee at the cafe down the street, Logan still fussed over his wife, Roman still risked life and limb to get an adventure. Patton still made cookies on Fridays. But nothing was the same. Not really. The thing, though, was when Virgil came back. That’s when it all changed.

A/N: I have nothing to say for myself. However, stay tuned and keep an eye on your notes for a tag in an update regarding this AU! Because- knock on wood- I think I’ve finally found a solution for my almost year-long writer’s block for it! :D

Logan groaned as he rolled over, swatting at his buzzing alarm clock blindly. He sat up, looking around the room and yawning. Sunlight dripped through the gaps in the curtains, lighting the room in a gentle golden glow.

Arnold padded up to him, headbutting his arm and meowing. Logan absentmindedly stroked the cat’s back, noticing the distinct lack of warmth in the bed beside him. Celine must have already gotten up. Odd. She normally stayed under the covers as long as she could, cuddling up to him and whining for more time.

Logan picked up his hairbrush from his bedside table and made his way towards the sound of running water that drifted from the bathroom. He pushed open the door and paused, drinking in Celine’s sweet singing from the shower. Like a siren, her voice seemed to curl around the room, soaking into his skin and clinging to him.

Of course, that could just be the steam from the boiling hot showers she took.

His gaze traced the outline of her body through the frosted glass, smiling gently. “Enjoying yourself in there?”

Celine gave a start, then turned to grin at him. “I didn’t hear you come in, don’t scare me like that!” She chided, running her hands through her hair, lathering shampoo along her blonde locks.

He chuckled, padding over to the sink and plucking his toothbrush from the holder. “Sorry,” He apologised insincerely. “It absolutely won’t happen again.”

Celine stifled a giggle. “Yeah, yeah. I’m sure it won’t.”

“Well, I’m glad we’re on the same page!” Logan started brushing his teeth. “So, what’s on the agenda for today?”

“Not much. I was thinking I could try baking that four layer cake recipe your mom gave me?” She hummed in response.

Logan spat foam into the sink, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. “Oh, excellent. I’m certain you’ll do wonderfully.” As he drew back from the sink, he noticed a small pink and white stick laying on the bench. “Hm?”

Celine squinted through the glass. “What’s wrong?”

Logan picked up the stick, peering at it. “Is... is this...?” Looking it up and down, his eyes landed on the thin double lines. 

Celine’s eyes widened. “Oh. Oh! Hang on a-” She scrambled to turn off the shower, then grabbed her towel and started drying herself off. “It’s, uh... yeah. Surprise?” She smiled, an awkward and forced smile, looking up at him.

Logan met her gaze, seeing the anxiety clouding her face. “Hey, hey...” He set down the pregnancy test, cupping her face in his hands and touching his forehead to hers. “It’s alright, breathe.”

In his mind’s eye, he could already picture their future, little snapshots of family moments to come.

Helping their child with homework; the two of them hunched over a table, papers haphazard as they poured over books. They’d complain about the confusing names of different bones as they scrawled notes into their workbook. He’d laugh, and Celine would chime in with some mnemonic as she set down cups of tea in front of them.

Or he and Celine sitting on a picnic blanket in the park as summer sunshine warmed their faces, watching their child clamber over the playground. Logan would dig through the cooler and pull out juice boxes and sandwiches for the three of them to snack on. They’d drop down from the monkey bars and scamper over, taking the sandwich with a happy, “Thank you, Daddy!”

Their child nervously sitting in the driver’s seat for their first driving lesson, panicking over the various buttons and mirrors. Logan sitting beside them, gently instructing them how to turn the wheel, reminding them to check their mirrors as they turned in the empty parking lot he’d chosen to help them feel more comfortable as they learned how to control the car.

He could imagine bouncing a toddler on his knee, their chubby cheeks scrunching up as they giggled. Celine scooping up the squirming child, tickling them as they shrieked in delight, reaching out towards him; “Daddy, Daddy cuddle!” 

As he brushed back hair from Celine’s face, he could picture her sitting on their bed, cradling a teeny tiny baby in her arms, a serene smile on her face as she sang to them, her voice soft and sweet and beautiful. His chest swelled with emotion, and he smiled, pulling her close against him.

“Logan, I'm still wet, you're gonna mess up your PJs-” Celine protested, eyes wide.

“Don't care, not important.” Logan responded softly, then pressed a kiss to her forehead. “This is amazing! We're going to be parents. I can't wait to tell the others!”

“Let's- maybe let's not tell everyone? Just yet?” She pulled back, chewing on her lip before she continued. “I mean, it's kind of soon, don't you think?”

He blinked, thrown slightly off guard, then nodded. He understood that. There were a lot of variables they couldn't predict, and while they were both healthy young adults, it would hardly be prudent to tempt fate. “Of course, of course.”

She smiled, raising a hand to rest on his cheek. “I love you, so much, you know that?”

Logan flushed at the warmth of her words. “I love you, too, Cel. And I can't wait for this- next chapter in our book, right?”

Celine laughed, and Logan soaked in the sunshine of her smile, feeling giddy to be here, to be with her, to be alive. He picked her off her feet, twirling across the bathroom as she squealed in delighted surprise. “Lo!” 

He paused, suddenly setting her down. “Wait, no, gotta be careful, I don't want to hurt them, or you-” 

“Logan, it’s alright, calm down!” Celine giggled. “I'm fine, they're fine, it's okay. We're okay. You don't need to worry.”

“Alright, alright, I'm calm.” He grinned, kissing Celine before bobbing down to her belly.

He rested his hands on her waist, gazing lovingly at the smooth expanse of skin, unchanged for the time being. He wondered how large her bump would be. It was different from woman to woman, he was pretty sure. Roman's mother had never had a particularly large belly throughout her pregnancies, but Dawn had swollen up like a beach ball fairly early on.

“I promise I am going to do everything in my power to care for the two of you,” Logan murmured, dotting kisses over Celine's stomach.

“Hey, that tickles!” Celine whined, batting at his shoulder lightly. “If you're going to turn into a Hallmark movie cliche, could you at least do it with a firmer touch?”

Logan chuckled, sitting back on his heels and looking up at his wife, admiring the flush dusted across her cheeks as she crossed her arms playfully. “I love you. I love you so much,” He repeated softly.

She broke into a smile and held out a hand to him. “Come on, sweetheart. How about we go have a crack at that cake to celebrate, huh?”

21 Sanders Street Taglist (let me know if you want to be added or removed! :o):

@pattson @royallyanxious  @wisepuma23 @redisawerewolf @lacrimosathedark  @lucifer-in-my-head @2queer2deer @crayonthegreat @rose-gold-roman @my-happy-little-bean @thats-kat-with-a-k @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @davidthetraveler @just-a-random-word @wolfishhel  @the-no-name-system @everythings-comin-up-aces @awkwardcaitlin @pr0bablypr0crstinating @generalfandomfabulousness @nyamafriend @the-average-loner @livsig @theresneverenoughfandoms @daughterofsomnus @mrtacothethird @jam-the-fan @swlotakulady34 @sher-soc-the-famder

[heartbreakdolan]

Do You Miss Me? Part Two (G.D.)

A long awaited sequel to Do You Miss Me?. Please read part 1 first!!  Hopefully this does it justice bc so many of you asked for a part 2. Very angsty, you’ve been warned

-

Fuck Grayson for making you feel this way. Fuck him for somehow coercing you back into his house, his room, his bed. 

Fuck him for somehow getting you into this situation; sitting on his couch, frankly far too early in the morning considering the night you had before, head heavy in your hands, silent hot tears sliding down your cheeks. You hated him for making you cry, especially just after waking up.You hated him for the fact that you couldn’t smell candles in department stores without wondering what he would think about them (the spice-smelling one next to his bed reminded you of this fact). You hated him for being helpful and considerate even when he had no reason to be. 

Although, truthfully, you didn’t. Not really. At all. 

“Y/n?”

Your head whipped up so fast, you swore you felt your brain jiggle against your skull. A chill ran down your spine at the sudden deep voice cutting through the silence. You fell back against the couch with a hand over your chest as you placed the voice to the figure in the doorway. 

“Fuck, Ethan, don’t sneak up on me like that.”

Ethan raised his hands up, pleading innocence as he cautiously took one step closer. “Sorry. Just- surprised to see you here.”

You shuffled to the edge of the couch, hand over your heart, feeling your whole chest vibrate with how hard it was beating. You sighed, reaching forward for your shoes. “I was just leaving.”

Ethan frantically put his hands out, making his way to the couch. “No, no, it’s okay-.” He paused when he noticed your blotchy face and glassy eyes. “You okay?”

You glanced up at him for the shortest moment, embarrassment and shame creeping over you. You felt small under his concerned gaze, shrinking into his couch. You sniffed. “I’m fine.”

The couch sunk as he fell to the empty space beside you. You both sat in silence as you busied yourself with making sure everything in your collection of belongings was there, although you were so distracted, your shirts could have been replaced with Ethan’s dirty laundry and you probably wouldn’t have noticed.

Before Ethan could say anything else, you gently put a hand on his knee. “I’m so sorry. I should really go.”

You quickly stood up, strappy heels dangling from your fingers. Everything about this probably looked tragic. And in a way, it was. 

“Hold on,” Ethan’s voice carried from the couch. “How are you getting home?” 

You shrugged. “Uber?”

He shook his head, holding up one finger. “Wait, I’ll give you a lift. I’ll just get my keys.” 

Before you could protest, Ethan had disappeared down the hall, and was back before you had a chance to slip outside the front door which you’d opened in his absence. 

“Trying to run away, y/n?” he teased, ushering you out the door. 

“No.” Yes. “Just thought I’d wait outside. You don’t have to drive me home, Ethan,” you told him, quickly changing the subject.

“It’s fine, I was going out for breakfast anyway,” he said casually as he opened the door to his car. 

“It’s so out of your way though,” you insisted, not stepping down from the front porch. 

He opened the driver’s seat door, propping an arm on top of it. “Y/n. Come on.”

He cocked his head towards the passenger seat then sunk into his seat, patiently waiting for you. Getting into cars with Dolans evidently didn’t end well, but when your mind returned to the sleeping boy in the bedroom at the back of the house, and when you imagined how he would feel when he woke up to an empty bed beside him, any way out seemed like a good one. 

*

“That was quite the sigh.” A gentle squeeze to your knee forced your eyes open, and you gave Ethan a small smile. 

You sighed again, sitting up in the passenger seat. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

Ethan didn’t speak again for a few minutes, only occasionally absent-mindedly singing single lines under his breath to the music playing softly. Your eyes followed the streets as Ethan drove. There was still a good half an hour of the trip left. You insisted that he could just drop you off somewhere half way, or on a main street, and you could find a taxi, but Ethan was persistent. 

“He really misses you, ya know.”

Your head lulled to the side, resting back against the seat. You almost bitterly laughed, instead a scoff came out, your eyes shutting again. You were taken back to standing in Grayson’s closet with him, so you opened them as quickly as you’d closed them. 

“He does,” Ethan insisted, and you assumed he took your scoff as doubt. 

“I know he does. He told me last night.” You turned your head to look out the window again, and nervously played with your fingers. Ethan had always helped you with Grayson troubles. Albeit the situation was very different now, but you were still the same people. 

You took a deep breath again. “I didn’t tell him last night, but I miss him too. We were together for a long time, you just don’t get over someone overnight.” Especially not someone like Grayson. 

You felt Ethan taking sideway glances at you, but you didn’t dare turn your head his way. 

Last night, after you and Grayson laid breathless and quiet as you both floated back down to earth, Grayson picked up your hand. You let his fingers ghost over yours, and tell you how much he missed you. You had to have just stared at each other for at least an hour, re-memorising the other person’s features, picking up on minuscule changes since the last time you’d seen each other. It didn’t feel awkward, because it was so natural and comfortable to be like this. But there was an underlying uneasiness that festered in your chest as your eyes made tracks all over his face. Was it guilt? Sadness? Because being like this with him was easy. So easy. And acting like this had reopened a wound that was in the process of healing. Now it was all fleshy and raw again, and everything fucking hurt.  

Eventually Grayson’s eyes slowly closed, and soft snores replaced his previous silent breathing. You resisted the temptation to lift a hand out from under the covers and push his hair back, or run a finger lovingly down the bridge of his nose like you might have done months ago. Instead, you stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. 

“This is such a mess, Ethan,” you said quietly, resting your cheek on your palm as you looked out the window again.

“It’s probably not as bad as you think.”

Ethan’s voice didn’t even register as regret from last night rushed over you. “I shouldn’t have even been at your place, and I shouldn’t have gone home with him, and we shouldn’t have-.” You stopped yourself, sighing again. 

“Hey, hey, relax.”

You dropped your hand with a huff. “Everything ended so badly, Ethan... You know how much we fought at the end. Over everything. I was such a bitch.”

Ethan stayed silent for a moment, jaw clenching as he thought. 

Probably remembering all the times he was forced to eat dinner in his room because he was sick of listening to you and Grayson bicker across the table. Or when he’d take his gaming headphones off, only to hear the two of you screaming in the other room. 

“He doesn’t think you’re a bitch.”

You turned your head to study Ethan’s expression, looking for any trace of insincerity- him just trying to be sympathetic and ease your worries. You couldn’t find any. “Really?”

Ethan shook his head. “No. Not at all.”

You let Ethan’s words process before deciding, “He should.”

Before Ethan could reply, his phone started ringing through the car’s speakers, Grayson’s name popping up on the screen. You felt your heart drop and you sat back in your seat again. Ethan let it ring out. 

You sat in silence for a while. You could tell Ethan was thinking though. He was one of those people- you could just look at him and see that he was going over everything again and again, inspecting it from every angle before he actually spoke. Always thinking. 

You didn’t realise that you had begun to doze off until Ethan’s voice woke you up. “Y/n. You’re home.”

You stretched in your seat, looking over to Ethan as he pulled over to let you out. You silently leaned forward to pick your things up from the floor, when Ethan softly spoke. 

“Maybe you should call him.”

You nodded slowly, eyes mindlessly looking over the car before returning to Ethan. You leaned forward to give him a hug. “Thanks Ethan.”

*

Don’t pick up. Don’t pick up. Don’t pick u-

“Hey.”

You held your breath, as if he couldn’t hear you, then he wouldn’t know it was you calling. 

You had hoped it would ring out. That was the plan. The only plan. You hadn’t really thought past making the call. 

Speak, y/n. Speak.

After a long moment of silence, you managed to force yourself to say, “Hey.”

“What’s up?” Grayson spoke in a bored monotone, and you couldn’t tell if he was trying to be an asshole, or whether he was just as nervous as you were. 

You pulled on a loose thread on one of the cushions on your bed. “I just wanted to call and say I’m sorry about last night... and this morning.”

Grayson sighed. “Yeah, that makes two of us.”

Ouch. There was that pain shooting through your whole body again. 

“Is that it?” 

He was catching you off guard. This wasn’t going the way you had planned it out at all. You shouldn’t have taken Ethan’s advice. You shouldn’t have called. Hearing Grayson talk was way harder than wondering what if. 

“Um, yeah, I guess.”

“Okay.”

Silence. Well, this was awkward. 

“Wait.” You bit your lip. “Do you have time to talk?”

“I’ve got the time, but I don’t think I want to.”

Silence again.

He sighed. “Look, y/n. We shouldn’t have slept together last night. We both made a mistake. There’s not really anything more to say.”

You didn’t think it could hurt anymore than it already did. 

“Grayson, don’t be like this.”

“You fucking left this morning. I can be mad about that.” 

This was so much harder than you thought it would be. Apologising wasn’t enough, but it was all you could think to say, even though your voice was weak and quiet. “I’m sorry.” 

Grayson went on as if he hadn’t even heard you. “Y/n, do you know how humiliating this is?” His voice cracked towards the end of his sentence, and you felt your heart shatter a little bit more. 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

You sat in silence, hearing nothing but white noise and the occasional deep breath.

“I was such a fucking shit boyfriend,” he finally said, sounding defeated and tired and sad. 

“No, you weren’t. You weren’t. You were-.” You cut your frantic ramble off, not knowing how to tell him how you felt about him and everything that happened. 

Grayson sighed. “You were the best thing that’s ever fucking happened to me, and I let you walk away.” He cleared his throat and you felt yourself getting emotional. Keep it together. 

“That night, I kept thinking you’d come back. That if I just gave you some time and some space, you’d eventually come back. That we weren’t actually over. Because we said we were done so many times, but we always worked it out. But that night you never came back.”

The last fight you had with him, after you got back to your own place, you sat in your car and cried for what felt like hours. Leaving that time hurt the absolute most, because you really were done. You weren’t going back.

And you’d been successful until last night. 

“I couldn’t. We were so toxic. It wasn’t healthy for either of us.”

“I know that now.” More silence followed, until Grayson spoke again. “Do you- maybe think we could try again?” 

“I’m scared,” you all but whispered. “You hurt me. And it still does hurt, even now. I don’t know if I can put us both through that again.” 

You could almost see Grayson shaking his head and running a hand over his face as he replied. “Yeah... Yeah, no, you’re right. I’m sorry, y/n.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get over you.”

“You will.”

“I don’t think so.”

You smiled sadly, watching your fingers as you toyed with your blanket. “I don’t think I will either. Get over you.”

“Do you think we can be friends?”

You hummed. “Maybe. Not right now. But maybe one day.”

More silence.

“Well, I guess I’ll let you go...”

His words rung in your ears. This was it. “Okay.”

“I’ll talk to you later, y/n.”

“Bye Grayson.”

[artificialqueens]

as the stars align 5/? (branjie) - rujubees

A/N: hollywood enemies to lovers au; 3.5k - also on ao3

Vanessa hadn’t talked to Matt in weeks — not since the night they’d fought over Brooke. She’d been staying at Silky’s place, Riley too, making trips back to her apartment every now and then to pick up extra stuff, planning her visits carefully to make sure that they coincided with Matt’s working hours.

She had no idea where they stood anymore.

They hadn’t officially broken up, but Vanessa didn’t how they could come back from that argument. More importantly, she didn’t want to come back from it.

She was almost grateful that Matt had said the things he’d said, as shitty as they had been. The couple had been growing distant for months, maybe even years. It was becoming harder for Vanessa pretend she was okay with things staying the same the more her feelings for Brooke blossomed. But Matt showing his true colours had been the final straw; her heart had been unhappy for a while, at least now her head also saw reason to leave.

Vanessa still felt bad about it, and was dreading the apology tour that she would have to embark on as a result of her decision.

She didn’t know how Matt would take it. She had thought she knew who he was, but the Matt she had known would never sink to derogatory slurs in moments of anger.

Matt’s parents were sweethearts, and she felt she owed them an explanation too.

Vanessa’s own parents, and entire extended family, would be disappointed. They loved Matt, loved that their daughter had found herself in a serious, long-term relationship at such a young age — prior to Vanessa’s career taking off a year ago, they had even started talking to her about marriage. Of course, they were proud of Vanessa’s success since then, but Vanessa couldn’t shake the idea that they were more excited about their daughter settling down.

There was also the issue of making their breakup public knowledge. Vanessa’s relationship status had always been Matt, and it had never been a secret — she hadn’t yet discussed with anyone how she was supposed to go about revealing their separation. Should she try editing him out of her wikipedia page? Compose a relatable, humorous tweet that made it clear she was single without addressing Matt directly? Should she call in as an anonymous tip to TMZ?

There was other stuff to sort out too, like moving out. It was Vanessa’s apartment, a new place she’d bought after her first major pay check, so Matt would have to move back in with his parents, at first at least.

Vanessa just wanted it all over with already; she felt like she was stuck in some kind of relationship limbo. She wanted Matt gone from her life for good. And she wanted Brooke.

Not that that was going to happen.

Ever since Brooke had phoned her to apologise, they had both been making an effort to get along at work, and it had gone surprisingly well. They’d finally managed to snap out of the cycle of going back to feuding and Brooke seemed truly remorseful about how she’d acted. She was always polite, often kind, and the times when she would crack a joke or laugh at something Vanessa said were the best part of her day. Brooke was witty and funny and the big, bright smile that Vanessa was now getting to see didn’t do anything to help the fluttering in her chest.

If she was being honest, she thought that Brooke had been on her best behaviour a little too much — not that she was being insincere, but that she was trying too hard to be a perfect version of herself that would be impossible for Vanessa to fault. Vanessa wished she would open up to her more.

But then again, why would she? They weren’t friends, they hadn’t even texted. Vanessa wanted to, but she didn’t feel it was her place — she’d pretty much forced Brooke to have her number, but she didn’t want to assume that Brooke was okay with Vanessa having hers.

So, they weren’t really friends, and Vanessa had zero information to suggest that Brooke would want to be more than that, or that she was even into women. It had felt like she was a little too into their first kiss, but maybe it had just been a way for Brooke to let off a little steam in such a busy, stressful period. Maybe she’d hated it, and that was why was so moody afterwards. Even on the off chance that Brooke was attracted to her, that didn’t mean that she would want a relationship, have any romantic interest.

They had filmed other kisses and make-out scenes since then, as they worked towards the movie’s final act, and as much as Vanessa tried to disconnect herself from them, it still felt like bliss each time Brooke’s lips touched hers. They took it slow in all of their kisses, always fearing another fuck up like the first and preferring when Michelle instead would encourage them to put more passion into it.

It was an unspoken rule that they never rehearsed those scenes, and never discussed them after.

—

A couple of days later, Vanessa still hadn’t dealt with Matt. She loved Silky and was eternally grateful for the favour she was doing her, but she missed home. They had also been filming for a few months now without a break, and Vanessa was exhausted, the current day also proving to be a long and tiring one having been on set for over twelve hours.

And the scene they were filming that night was hitting a nerve. It featured an argument between Vanessa and Brooke’s characters before Brooke’s embarks on a second mission — her most dangerous yet — and all it was doing was serving as a reminder of what a clusterfuck her relationship was right now. And having Brooke yell at her, even though she didn’t mean it, wasn’t helping.

“You’re a coward!” Vanessa shouted. “You can’t just put your space suit on and get in the rocket and fly away from all your problems! That’s not how it works!”

“Oh yeah? Try me. You’re just jealous because you wish you were given this opportunity,” Brooke yelled back.

“That’s not what I want and it’s not what you want either. This is a fucking suicide mission, Jade, and you’re only doing it because I know you love me too and you’re scared.” Vanessa’s character was supposed to be at her boiling point, angry yet confident in her knowledge that her love was reciprocated, and beyond the point of sadness. But Vanessa couldn’t stop her voice from breaking, or a lump from forming in her throat.

“I’m doing this. If you’re not gonna be supportive then why the fuck are you still here? You know what, just get the hell out Emilia. I’m done,” Brooke said coldly.

“So am I,” Vanessa retaliated, but she just couldn’t invoke the harshness that the line needed, and her eyes began to water. She quickly wiped her tears, hoping that no-one had caught it, but a quick glance at Brooke’s worried face confirmed that she hadn’t been so lucky.

“Cut!” Michelle hawked. “Brooke, that was spot on. Vanessa, I want just a little more venom from you, got it? Emilia’s being driven by anger in this moment; she’s furious that Jade would risk her life, and that she can throw herself into deadly situations, but won’t face up to her feelings for Emilia.”

“Okay,” Vanessa replied meekly.

“Let’s take five, alright?” Michelle stated before leaving the set.

Vanessa turned in search of Aquaria, desiring a makeup retouch, but Brooke quickly caught her arm.

“Vanessa? What’s wrong?” Brooke asked softly, looking pained at the sight before her. Her concern at seeing Vanessa sad was enough to set Vanessa off even more, and she shook her head, her lip starting to quiver.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Brooke caressed her arm before disappearing, though her touch lingered.

Vanessa checked her phone. She’d sent Matt a message over twelve hours ago, requesting they meet up, and he’d read it but still hadn’t replied.

Brooke was back a moment later.

“We’re done for the day,” she announced.

“Wait, you did that for me?” Vanessa asked, no longer resisting the tears that streamed down her face now that she wouldn’t have to film anymore.

“I’m surprised they haven’t fired the both of us, the amount of times we’ve shut this set down early,” Brooke replied, her hand back on Vanessa’s arm.

“Thank you,” Vanessa whispered shakily.

“Want me to drive you home?” Brooke suggested.

“No, I… I ain’t really staying at home at the moment.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you, uh, wanna talk about it?” Brooke offered cooly, almost like she was afraid of rejection or perhaps as coming across as too nice.

“What the hell, might be helpful to have a fresh pair of ears listen to me whine.” Vanessa tried to laugh, but it came out as a sort of hiccup and Brooke was still looking at her with those big, sympathetic eyes.

“Not here,” Brooke decided, “there’s a quiet little place across the street. It’ll be closing now, but I know the owner, she’ll let us stay late.”

Brooke took Vanessa’s hand, leading her out of the studios to their destination. Vanessa thought about how she should have emotional breakdowns more often if it meant Brooke would treat her like this.

“A chicken restaurant?” Vanessa questioned.

“It’s good, trust me.”

They went in and were greeted by a small, lively Asian woman about Brooke’s age.

“Hey Juju! Vanessa, this Jujubee,” Brooke said, giving her a quick hug.

“How are you?!” Jujubee asked excitedly, before turning to Vanessa and giving her a hug too as they all exchanged pleasantries.

“I know you’re about to shut for the night, but is there any chance we could hang here for a while?” Brooke enquired.

“Sure, girl, anything for you and this gorgeous date of yours,” Jujubee agreed with a wink. Brooke blushed, muttering a quick apology to Vanessa, and Vanessa thought it was the most endearing thing she’d ever seen.

Juju led them through to a booth, her walk almost as bouncy as the shiny curls in her hair. Vanessa thought she had more energy than anyone had the right to have at eleven pm.

Moments after they had taken their seats, Jujubee brought them drinks and went off to cook them some food, on her.

“So,” Brooke began. “Tell me everything. Or, you know, as much as your comfortable sharing.”

Vanessa had one hand on her hot beverage and reached out, entwining the other with Brooke’s, hoping she would interpret it as the intimate gesture it was intended as, but at least having the excuse of her distress if Brooke wasn’t interested.

“A few weeks ago, I had a fight with my boyfriend, Matt,” Vanessa began, Brooke listening and nodding attentively. “We’ve been growin’ apart for a while, but we just blew up that night over — over — y’know, it was kinda ‘bout you, but that don’t matter,” Vanessa insisted. She would have to be more careful not to give too much away.

“About me?” Brooke asked, eyes wide, eyebrows raised. “God, I’m still ruining your life even when I’m not trying to.”

“No — it’s not like that,” Vanessa shook her head dismissively. “He thinks we’re fuckin’ or some shit, look, the bitch is crazy, okay? Don’t take no notice.”

Vanessa felt Brooke seize up under her touch, regretting running that mouth of hers and making her uncomfortable.

“Yeah, so crazy,” said Brooke, eyes flittering around the room, probably wishing for Jujubee to hurry the fuck up with the damn fried chicken already.

“Anyway, it’s irrelevant, ‘cause it was a long time comin’. He ended up sayin’ some shit, really showin’ his ass, and then I walked out.”

Brooke stayed silent for a minute, and Vanessa could see the cogs turning in her mind, putting two and two together.

“So — you left your boyfriend two weeks ago, and you haven’t been back home since?” Brooke reiterated.

“Exactly. Well, I’ve been back and forth to pick shit up. And I didn’t leave him, like, for real, we didn’t say the words or nothin’.”

“It’s not my place to tell you what to do, but… you are going to dump him, right?”

“Yeah, I will do. Soon as he remembers how to pick up his stupid phone,” Vanessa growled, making Brooke laugh, Vanessa quickly joining in despite herself.

“I hated seeing your face back there,” Brooke confessed quietly.

“I don’t know what came over me, girl. Like, I’ve been through so much with that douchebag, but I ain’t even sad about it. It’s just… it’s a big step, you know? Breaking up with someone you been with your whole ass adult life. Don’t even remember how it feels to be single.”

“You’ll be okay, ‘Ness,” — the nickname fell from Brooke’s lips as naturally as rain in a storm — “and I don’t wanna overstep, but uh, you can always stay with me if you need to. I have a big house. Lots of rooms. Not to brag or anything, but, we wouldn’t even have to see each other if you didn’t want to —” she rambled on, and Vanessa smiled softly, knowing that they were both beyond that.

She couldn’t accept Brooke’s offer, though. The temptation of being just a corridor or a wall away from her every night, even if only for a short period — it would be too much.

“We get it, you’re rich,” Vanessa cut her off teasingly. “but I can’t. I need my crib back, bitch.”

“Well. The offer stands.”

Jujubee came by with their chicken at last, and the two thanked her, Brooke insisting that she go home and allow them to wash and lock up.

They ate in a peaceful silence for a while, Vanessa reflecting on how little she knew Brooke and how this was the perfect opportunity to try and change that.

“So, what about you?” Vanessa enquired.

“What about me?” Brooke smirked.

“You got any, uh, boy problems of your own?”

Brooke held her gaze pensively, before letting out a low chuckle.

“I mean, having a boyfriend would be the problem.”

Vanessa’s mouth simply formed a small ‘o’ shape.

“You’re— ”

“I’m gay, ‘Ness.”

“Right. Well. That’s… compelling information,” Vanessa stammered.

“Is that… cool?” Brooke was frowning and why the fuck did Vanessa have to go and make her reaction so fucking weird?

“Yes, oh my god, it’s the coolest. I mean, I’m bi, so,” Vanessa responded, “I mean, I’m not hitting on you — I didn’t— ”

“Vanessa, chill,” Brooke ordered, her face having twisted into something illegible. “So you’re really bi?”

“Yeah. Like, only my friends and family know at the moment, and I’ve never really done much with a woman, but — I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.”

“Hey,” Brooke said “for what it’s worth, I’m glad you did.”

“You too,” Vanessa replied, smiling slightly. A lock of Brooke’s wavy bob had fallen in front of her eyes slightly, and Vanessa poured herself another drink to stop herself from tucking it away.

“So, back to the original line of questioning,” Vanessa remarked, trying to stay composed. “Any girl problems?”

“Uh, nope. No girl problems. No girlfriend. Ever, actually,” Brooke answered.

“Is that a preference or…?” Vanessa trailed off, doing her best to not sound like she was prying, or judging.

“Mostly.”

“Okay. Nice.”

The conversation coming to a natural end, and their food all eaten up, the two women made their way to the kitchen, Brooke tidying up as Vanessa began filling the sink, staring into the water mindlessly.

The woman she liked didn’t do relationships. She was disappointed, but she hadn’t exactly been living with expectations of anything happening between the two of them — they were already at a zero so they couldn’t exactly get any lower. This was fine, she would cope.

“You know what I never told you?” Brooke wondered after a moment. “Remember the first day on set?”

“Not my best memory of you,” Vanessa affirmed with a fond smile anyway.

“Oh yeah? What is your best memory of me?” Brooke asked curiously, maybe even flirtatiously, and she was suddenly pressed between Brooke Lynn and the sink in a way that was decidedly not platonic. Brooke had a hand attached to the kitchen surface either side of Vanessa, was looking down at her intensely, waiting for her to make a move, and it would be so easy —

but getting over Brooke after a quick fuck would not be. She wouldn’t be satisfied with a one off fling, getting it out of each other’s systems.

So instead—

“My best memory of you?” Vanessa repeated sweetly, brushing her fingers through Brooke’s hair —

“Your face after I do this, bitch,” Vanessa said before grabbing a handful of bubbles from behind her and splashing them in Brooke’s face.

“Oh my god, you whore!” Brooke screamed, doubling over in laughter and probably drunk on tiredness.

They continued having a semi-water fight for a few minutes, until they both realised just how late it had gotten, so they finished cleaning the dishes, finally left and walked to Brooke’s car. Brooke offered to drive her back to Silky’s, and Vanessa couldn’t find the energy to refuse her.

“What were you gonna tell me? ‘Bout the first day on set?” Vanessa spoke up part way through the journey.

“Oh, that,” Brooke quickly remembered. “The truth is, I was late because my cat Apollo was sick. I had to take him to the vet’s and, well. Be there for him.”

Vanessa was dumbfounded. She couldn’t believe that all along, she had been mad at Brooke for that. For taking care of her kitty.

“I feel so evil,” Vanessa muttered.

“Don’t girl. I could’ve told you or made some vague ‘personal emergency’ explanation, I just chose not to. Just to be petty.”

Brooke pulled up at Silky’s house and turned the engine off.

“God, we’re dumb. I’m so done with our shit,” Vanessa quipped.

“I’m so done with being awake,” Brooke responded with a yawn. Vanessa faced her with a tired smile.

“Thank you for everything tonight, Brooke. I mean that.”

“Goodnight, ‘Ness,” Brooke whispered as Vanessa got out of her car, headed inside.

Vanessa didn’t think she’d ever tire of hearing Brooke call her that, even if the woman never said a different word to her again.

—

That night had been a game changer for Brooke.

Sure, she already knew by then that she was attracted to Vanessa, and that she desired a little more than friendship between them. But that night had been a whirlwind of events; from seeing Vanessa so sad, she wanted to make hurting her a crime, to finding out Vanessa was bi and allowing herself to entertain the notion that maybe this connection Brooke swore she was feeling wasn’t just in her head.

And then there’d been that moment in the kitchen, where Brooke had been unable to think of anything but the image of Vanessa sitting on the counter, Brooke’s head between her thighs.

She’d wanted to kiss her so badly, maybe would’ve done if the tension hadn’t dissolved along with the bubbles in Vanessa’s hands.

It was for the best, though. Vanessa was vulnerable, and Brooke would feel like she was taking advantage. Besides, she didn’t want to be her rebound.

Because the more time she spent with Vanessa, the more attached she got.

It only got worse as the final few weeks of filming came to pass, when they became close enough for Brooke to believe that she honestly felt she had made a friend in Vanessa. It was an unfamiliar feeling — Brooke had never really wanted to be someone’s girlfriend before. She’d had crushes, even caught feelings, but none of it ever seemed worth it in the end. Worth the effort, or the compromise, or the heartache.

It was an unfamiliar feeling, but it wasn’t scary, and maybe that was what scared Brooke the most.

Brooke, who poured everything she had into the final kiss she filmed with Vanessa — held her waist a little bit tighter, caressed her cheek a little softer. Kissed her hard so that maybe she would understand.

“That’s a wrap on As The Stars Align, everyone!” Michelle announced to thunderous applause, before speeches were delivered and tears were shed, temporary goodbyes exchanged.

Brooke caught up with Vanessa after.

They didn’t speak about the kiss, as usual; Brooke just pulled Vanessa into a hug and held her close.

“I broke up with Matt, by the way,” Vanessa revealed, a huge grin on her face, and Brooke knew it wasn’t the most appropriate news to smile at, but for some reason she didn’t think Vanessa would be mad. “I hear they’re renaming the wrap party to the Vanessa-is-single-celebration.”

“Doesn’t really have the same ring to it,” Brooke smirked.

Still, she wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

[ramblingshit]

Fright Night - 1985 - 3.5/5

Highly oversimplified fun ‘modern’ teen adventure book-style take on Dracula - i think?

i am having a fuckking awful night please let this be half okay at least funny like please. right we have some poor audio. tom holland is here? some chick is going on about how much she likes the dark - she’s mina? pale, red lips peeps are making out - it’s just someone squeaking their lips together and then letting go lmao wtf - it’s a tv show about vampires lol this acting is amazing i think its supposed to be he literally just went after her with the blunt end of the stake damn. some more squeaking kisses gross. kids making out, peter vincent is on TV or some shit. boyfriend has wandering hands and she’s told him twice to stop and now he’s bitching at her for not letting him feel her up and then she apologises? excuse me? and now he’s guilted her into doing it? oh damn that’s a nice chocolate coffin where’d he get those binoculars ahaha oh yikes that girl is not ready and now he’s ignoring her oh what is happening. mum’s getting involved. he wanted to fuck she didn’t then she wanted to fuck and he was distracted by some guys carrying a coffin into the basement of the house next door. he’s so distracted he’s completely ignoring his girlfriend.oh damn he pissed off his friend too this guy seems like a dumbass. ew gross oh my god she’s dressed like a prostitute what is that blue thing and the opaque beige hosiery is horrific. it’s funny at this point lots of these clothes are coming back into fashion. then there are those of course that must die and stay dead. damn a big ol scream from the house next door and a light went out. fuckin hell he wait she’s apologising for his  dumbass and said it’s her fault and he’s like yeah i suppose it was like what. i know this is supposed to be like this like he’s clearly supposed to be a terrible boyfriend but fuck he is barely pretending to care about her - he said ‘i love you’ and she’s gooing all over him. now he’s ignoring her again and here’s his weird looking friend who thinks its hilarious oh my god she slapped a hamburger cheese onion and tomato hamburger patty on his face disgusting but damn he deserves it. whoop a guy in the basement just saw this kid snooping - is he seriously just gonna open this guy’s basement doors unsurprisingly dude came and snapped at him like wtf you think you’re doing. he’s obsessed with this house all of the sudden? eating chips at his window with his binoculars. now asleep in that chair and hot damn there’s a couple about to fuck  and tittiiiiiieesssssss. oh damn mate is a vampire looking straight at the kid through the window. just staring. then closes the window with long ass fingers with long yellow nails. just woke his mum up like ma new guys a vampire and she’s like fuck off and he’s sneaking about outside what the hell is this kid on. oh they’re carrying out bodies in garbage bags and what i think they’re trying to show they’ve got sick powers or something there’s this synth beat in the background those are the largest collar flap things i’ve ever seen and that red scarf is sick a lot is happening bro red scarf dude just caught annoying kid charlie spying at them from the hedges. oh shit he’s screaming at his mother and his girlfriend what an ass - Amy is obsessed with their relationship, Mum thinks he’s having a nightmare. he’s the dumbass in the horror movie - running around screaming, telling everyone the guys a vampire killing people getting the police involved like dumbass what teh fuck this is gonna be embarrassing you think if they really are vampires they’re gonna be dumb enough to let themselves get caught. oh what he’s yelling again and interesting there’s a painting of a blonde version of Amy. is this dracula 1980s version. the house is all cobwebs and old timey shit. dumbass getting screamed at by the cop for screaming about his neighbour being a vampire he’s got no evidence but just keeps screaming. you deserve to die like 0% self-preservation skills m8. is he racing home no to his friend’s house his weird friend who’s somewhat more mental than this dumbass - give him eight bucks to tell him how to protect himself from a vampire attack he’s listing off stereotypical shit but i doubt any of this will be legit they all like dangling those and scoffing at them. he’s nailing his window shut but hey guess who mum’s invited innnnnnnnnn ahahahahahahah lol oh damn who sits in a chair like that well hello bruce banner hot edition. hm his fingers look normal now. aahahhaha oh fuck he out here telling charlie he wouldnt have come to visit unless he had been invited and now that he had been he would be over whenever he liked. charlie the dumbass is not trying to hide how terrified he is out here backing away, eyes wide, shaking, Jerry the vampire just staring at him. 'see ya! soon.’ scrambling up the stairs - like just mayyyyybe you shouldn’t have immediately done all you can to piss off the guy you think is a vampire. cause now he’s on your roof. i can’t believe his name is Jerry. this is so 80s. this music man. who chills in a button up shirt all tucked in . is that a mouse? or the trees scratching oh shit jerry’s after the mum. or not. oh fuck there’s no reflection in the mirror and he just broke her door? oooop he’s in dumbass’ roommmm or is he - yep he was hiding in the closet???? is this a metaphor??? howdily hoodily. oh damn yeeted him into his closet. they’re not giving bruce banner very good camera angles. we’re only 30 minutes in and he and the vampire are chilling out, being held up by his throat - ohh broody vampire time. bruce no don’t throw him out the window that’s so obviousoh but damn there’s he’s gonna stake him with a pencil ahaha what oh fuck nosferatu time damn all because of a pencil fuck that is not sexy. he looks like a lord of the rings troll. they both look hella nervous that mum’s knocking on the door. he threatened to kill him, offered him a choice for them to forget each other, he said nah, he tried to kill him, he stabbed him with a pencil, then he roared all scary and buggered off. odd. now he’s just sat down and watched some–dracula ahaha he’s watching dracula? now he’s calling him up ahaha staring at him through the window calling him up on the phone. 'you started this - im gonna finish it!’ like calm down vampire man the boy is a dumbass. this is cheesy but like okay. he legit seems like a proper dumbass teenager kid all overexcited and dramatic and learning all he knows from TV oh damn he’s like a school shooter, wife beater kinda kid though. ahah shitting on friday the 13th calm down that’s a good movie. does this peter vincent actually believe in vampires cause this kid is hoping he does - he’s got those brown elbowed jacket how old is this high school aged kid. ejesus what the fuck is that moped holy shit. white sneakers that blue knitwear holy shit what the fuck what the fuck charlie dead eyes, monotone sitting in his bedroom he’s filled with religious paraphernalia, dozens of candles and stacks of wood he’s carving into stakes - his GF and friend come in like yo wtf m8 what is all this - he just shrugs and tells em he’s gonna go next door and stab the neighbour. um what the fuck jesus hes crazy he’s weird friend who can’t act thinks so too and eyy the peter vincent late night show is called 'Fright Night’ and the weird kid just said their situation is just like 'Fright Night’ and guess what this movie is called – this is pretty intense like how am I supposed to be taking this is it funny, is it dramatic? this kid looks like he’s gonna pass out he’s having some sort of episode. 'hey amy, you don’t believe me do you.’ 'i love you charlie.’ hm vincent knows whats up amy and weird kid go to see him to help their crazy friend and he’s like oh yeah that insane kid he needs a psychiatrist yo ahaha gets fired gets an eviction notice refuses to help the kids cause he’s very busy about to get rich she’s like i’ll pay you - how much he asks immediately - she tells him—i’ll take it, no hesitation ahaha we’re not even half in? oh damn vincent is in love with his acting i think his shows used to be a lot more popular and now he’s sad and fading and ey its bruce banner all bedraggled they literally called him up to ask if they could go over with dumbass and prove to him brucey boy is not a vampire he thinks its hilarious like damn just calling up vampires and shit i love it so casual like he’s just a neighbour not all heavy handed but needs a little less cheese but eh who can find a golden middle did he just eat a banana. holy hot damn her outfit - he’s outfit, holy shit vincent is here all in his role dressed as the vampire killer, performing for dumbass - damn the house does look appropriately spooky tho god this kid doesn’t shut up they all just wandering into the vampire’s house - Charlie gets a special greeting and here is ol mate all dramatic in a fucking turtleneck please kill me. he’s eating food again? whoop amy and bruce banner just had a moment she’s so pretty but her hair is so fukn eighties and now he’s kissing her hand and she’s giggling and biting her lip 'oh god, he’s neat!’ he didn’t drink that he totally used a tricky magic trick dunno how but he didn’t drink that. Charlie isn’t wrong - pulled out a cross and Bruce Banner jumped back and his jim carrey lackey stepped forward and Banner is threatening his friends like fuck off - 'so you’re finally convinced im not a vampire?’ *completely insincerely, through his teeth* 'yes.’ oh damn all was well then vincent saw he had no reflection - let’s call the police! broody vampire time oh damn found some glass from the mirror. lol that’s the creepiest alley 'pencil dick’ 'chicken shit’ nice. ahaha weird kid giving him shit 'fruitcake’ i hope he leaves him alone like surely its in his best interest to leave the guys who are convinced he’s not a vampire to live? the way he’s dragging amy around is pretty messed. it doesn’t make sense for the weird kid to die. like he doesn’t believe mate is a vampire. but now he will so? that trenchcoat is horrific the shoulders are like double his width he’s just slow walking toward him while weird kid is scrambling about tripping over rubbish but now he’s trappeeddddd #leaveweirdkidalone  oh damn nvm he’s bruce banner’s redfield and he’s going under the trenchcoat, pressed to banner’s chest. we’re only halfway through where is this all going. oh ahaha they’re doing the lets run as fast as we can and ol mate keeps strolling out in front of us and now they’re in a bar oh god now he’s calling the police. whoop oh damn weird kid’s a vampire ahahahahahahaha oh shit leather jacket fucked up hair jerky movements - oh damn just took a cross to the face - can still cry human tears sweating like crazy, yellow eyes, crosses fuck em up and out the window he go ahaha lol he’s calling the cops a fucking gain god he’s so rough with her now bruce banner s in the club god he’s really not that attractive like at all - he’s got a good brow and hair but that’s it. he’s not intimidating, he doesn’t stand out holy fuck that lady in red - the platinum blonde. just strolling closer and closer, left to right right to left and dumbass is just on the phone and Amy is like hell yeah licking her lips his lower jaw is like broken the way it moves. He didn’t have to touch her for her to stop she’s in a daze under his spell and he knows she can’t escape it, rubbing her hand on his ass lol what the fuck putting his on her’s oh he pulled back her collar and went to bite and she jerked back but not in a scared more like a fuck off now what you thinkin boii challenge eyes uh oh both of their collarbones are exposed and my god she’s tiny and making out with his chest and what the fuck oh just on her knees thought she was going down on him in the middle of the club dumbass is all upset that the girl he’s been dragging around and leading on and treating badly is chilling in the arms of a vampire who, if nothing else, is indeed more handsome than dumbass but at the same time he’s a vampire and I think Amy is in highschool so that makes her what?? oh fuck bruce banner killed the two black bouncers in front of the whole club now there’s chaooooos people screaming  amy and charlie separated in the crowd, bruce banner scoops her up 'AAAAMYYYY’ stretches a hand out dramatically toward her damn weird kid got weirder ahaha what is happening this is actually really great. god he’s whiny. it’s so good. people are fucking calling the police left right and now dumbass has finally figured they won’t believe him or help him. oh lil mate peter vincent is like a proper good actor where did they get him amongst these screaming children. 'amy is gonna die, me too probably’ lol this writing oh damn she wakes on a fur blanket in front of a fire in a white dress that permed hair is so fucked there’s paintings of pretty ladies all around and one of them is blonde amy and there he is with his shirt unbuttoned pants buckled up to the navel like damn, dark hair all ruffled - hs head is too big for his shoulders ew what is this kiss she’s shaking with fear, he is like almost crying for some reason and now she’s okay and taking her titties out and coming after him  and here’s some weird slow kissing and damn he bit her damn wouldn’t you fuck first? fkn charlie in his professor jacket snooping about in the shadows with a big ugly gold cross on that house is perfectly spooky holy shit peter scared the fuck outta me damn he got a box of 'props’ which will actually work, got a gun to take care of billy or whatever, his human buddy they wanna sneak in but the front door opened for them oh damn don’t let anything happen to peter he’s precious. it’s like reading a teen adventure story - good simple but memorable characters, good story with lots going on, not deep or thought-inducing just a fun time  now here’s bruce 'welcome to Fright Night’ all chill just standing there in like a priest’s shirt? no bruce leave vincent alone. oh what the fuck making a weird moaning noise as he backs away from the cross - #leavevincentalone oh fuck weird kid is terrifying  wtf now he’s a wolf demon wolf ruff ruff puppyy oh shit he stabbed the puppy and it yeeted over the banister hit the chandelier and holy fuck that is the worst puppeteering attempt or whatever the fuck they’re going for ever - its a plush toy twitching out and now ewwwww what the fuck is that i thought vampires were vampires not like weird wolf gremlin things - its slowly dying with this stake in it, all thin fingers, whines, and cries holy shit this is taking a while. vincent is crying and holy shit its just weird kid crying with a big table leg in him and now he’s dead holy shit and the cross mark healed and he’s naked. bruce is oh fuck Amy is a vampire —“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ the drama. can you imagine walking into someone’s house and there’s a naked dead kid with a table-leg through his chest on the foyer floor. the house is pouring out dry ice and green lazer lights and vincent is back my brave boy, with a table-leg and a box all ready to fight. dumbass is struggling to cry over his girl. AMy is turning, I think bruce is making her a coffin. what here we go - everything is as it was in the movies like all the stereotypical shit so now they’re gotta kill Bruce before sunrise so she doesn’t fully turn. monotone - 'stop or i’ll shoot. don’t force me to shoot’ *shoots billy boy in the fkn head* orange eyes man whats with the weird groans and noises when flinching back from the crosses looks like billy boy aint dead after all holy shit blood everywhere yeah just keep shooting im sure that will help oh damn he the terminator - nope he a zombie fuck run don’t ust holy shit he staked him i thought vincent was gonna die he’s dripping green slime he’s got the ebola what the fuck ohmygod ohmygodholyfuckjesus christchrist fuck my god. well that was terrifying. move aside indiana jones . peter ahahah 'eeehhh’ of bruce chillin outside the window. he uses like fifty different voices and accents 'show me how much you love me amy, kill them both. rraaaargghhhh! *elbows a fkn wall* oh damn at least her gross perm is gone. rarrrrgh! *nervous cross and slow back out of the door* jesus what the fuck his bottom jaw is even worse now he just fkn crashed through the pretty round window.  that jacket damn i hate it so much. oh damn is that the sun? looks like the night is done dumbass and he believes he believes and damn that’s a lot of clocks chiming 6am i think it’s 6am. im sorry what the fuck was that did he just get sniped wat the fuck its a gremlin bat oh my god with fangs and shit its scratching him up oh no it bit dumbass what a shame and ohh he burning in green flame in the light of the sun but he fucked off to the basement where he gone vincent’s cut is gone and dumbass doesn’t seem too worried about his bitten arm. whoop it’s amy all wild hair and long white dress orange eyes, smoky lids, big ass fangs and red lips oh damn what the fucking shit 'it’s not my fault you promised you wouldnt let him get me you promised’ she cries then spins around and its actual fear in his eyes as he screams at the sight of her heavily fanged mouth that reaches from one side of her face to the other jesus cchrist that mouth is terrifying i really am not a fan damn yikes man run ew oh no everyone is in trouble, he is hammering that shit fuck everyone is all kinds of messed up these vampires would have them killed in a second this whole sunlight thing is bull - just cause his face is in the light doesn’t mean you can’t get their legs lol come on the disco-balls are shining and ol mate finally decides to try use his outfit - peter closed his coffin and now he’s trapped i kinda want one of them to die oh damn nvm green flame he went shooting and flying back with the force of that sunlight i think he’s dead 'reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’ damn what the hell is that skeleton 'AAAAAAMYYYYY’ he cried as he died like what some stories need more depth beyond hey i got a picture of someone who looks exactly like you, imma bite you cause now we’re in love, hey kill your ex to prove you love me, i love you and now im dead . oh god worst part is amy’s hair is back in that perm how the fuck. 'we’ve been going in a circle! we’re right back where we started from’ is the opening to the next scene which is dumbass and amy making out in his room - that’s fkn sick, again 'Fright Night’ is back on with ol mate peter vincent. oh no peter vincent on about aliens wait what was that red eyes in the window is ol mate still alive perhaps ew amy deserves better  but hey what the fuck weird kid survived?? oh he removed the stake damn ahaha. what a movie that was a pretty fun time = 3.5/5

[dub-me-the-mother-of-dorks]

Happy Birthday to me, I guess

Pairing: Ukai Keishin x Takeda Ittetsu 

Word Count: 1,274

Summary: Takeda and Ukai go out drinking to celebrate Ukai's belated birthday.

Note: In the vein of me missing Ukai’s bday (Apr 5th) because I was on holiday celebrating my own bday, here is some fluffy ukatake :/ 

Ukai was honestly surprised at how insistent Takeda was to take him out for drinks to celebrate his birthday - especially considering how dismissive Takeda was of his own birthday just three months prior. Ukai was at a loss. What made it stranger still was that Ukai's birthday was a week ago.

"Again, I'm so sorry for not being around for your birthday, Ukai-kun!"

Ukai raised an eyebrow, "You don't have to keep apologising, sensei, to be honest I don't really care that mu-"

"Nonsense." Takeda was determined, "I cannot thank you enough for all the work and effort you've put into Karasuno's volleyball team all this time. The least I can do for you is dedicate an evening to appreciating you."

Ukai rolled his eyes. Truthfully speaking, he was just glad to be out with Takeda. He took a swig of his drink, "You're so embarrassing."

"Really? Oh, sorr-"

"Stop apologising!"

Takeda smiled warmly at his colleague and took a sip of his drink too. Ukai would probably never understand how deeply grateful he was for everything. "So, how was your birthday in the end?"

"We just drank all night."

"Ah, so nothing new then?"

"W-well..." Ukai tried to think of how he could reword things as to not make him seem too irresponsible.

"I'm glad you had a nice time though," Takeda giggled as he took another sip, "Someone as hardworking as you deserves time off."

"Hardworking...Takeda-sensei, please."

"You're so good with the boys; you always have an answer; you're incredibly motivational; you-"

Ukai could only hold off a blush for so long, "Seriously? Are you gonna do this all night?"

"Yes."

Ukai shifted uncomfortably, "I can't take that much credit for helping those kids; I should be thanking you."        

"No, I-"

"You are so determined and wilful. I honestly believe you are painfully unappreciated."

It was Takeda's turn to shift in his seat uncomfortably, "Come on now, Ukai-kun."

Ukai raised his drink slightly, "Even if I used to find your persistence annoying, I have to admit that I love that about you."

Takeda tried hiding how red his face was by turning away and sipping his drink hurriedly, "Th-that's...well that's..."

Ukai chuckled, "See, that's what it feels like. So, stop it." That said, he did somewhat enjoy watching Takeda squirm - it was actually really cute.

Takeda's lip trembled slightly, "But I really do appreciate what you've done for us!"

"Thank you! I appreciate what you've done for me too. I love it, in fact."

Takeda shyly peered over the rim of his glasses, "Please stop saying that."

"I admire it, I adore it," Ukai said loudly, careful to continue saying 'it' instead of 'you'.

Takeda sighed dramatically, "Fine, I'll stop."

"Thanks."

They both took a drink and awkwardly avoided eye contact for a moment, though it only lasted for a few seconds before Takeda perked up again.

"I have something for you!" Takeda started rummaging through his side bag with a proud smirk.

Ukai narrowed his eyes, "Takeda-sensei, I hope you didn't get me a birthday present."

Takeda stopped short, "Um…no."

"Good," Ukai gave a short sigh of relief, "What is it?"

"Er, I need you to close your eyes first."

"Seriously?" He moaned, but obediently did so. He heard movement from across the table and immediately felt himself begin to sweat. A kiss? Is it going to be a kiss? Ukai hadn't been kissed in quite a while and hadn’t realised how much he’d missed it until now.

"You can open them now."

Ukai, slightly pink with embarrassment for jumping to conclusions, slowly opened his eyes to find a small, neatly wrapped box on the table in front of him. The wrapping paper was a soft yellow colour with a picturesque, light blue bow in the top corner.

"Takeda-sensei..."

"Yes?"

"What's this?"

"It's a...um, an appreciation present. Yeah, a gift of appreciation. A thank-you gift."

Ukai looked up at Takeda, who was now pink with embarrassment too and refusing to make eye contact.

"Thanks, I guess, but how am I supposed to open it? It's too nice to rip open," Ukai muttered, rubbing the back of his head.

"It's fine, really! Just rip it."

Ukai picked it up to inspect it and proceeded to gently tear it open, "You did a great job wrapping it though, sensei, it's so..." His voice trailed off into a soft gasp followed by fits of laughter.

Takeda fiddled with his fingers, "I wanted to treat you to drinks and smokes. From what I've seen, you seem to like this particular brand? Is it okay because I can change it!"

"You're so cute, Takeda!" Ukai managed to hiss between giggles. Though he quickly realised that he missed out the honorific and waved an apologetic hand, "Er, Takeda-sensei."

Takeda squeezed his fingers so tightly that they were beginning to hurt. Having Ukai call him cute was one thing but hearing Ukai refer to him so casually made his heart pound ruthlessly. "Um, no, I don't mind. You can call me...um...so you like them? Um-"

Ukai regained composure as much as possible, "Yes I do, thank you. It's very considerate of you."

"Y-you're welcome."

Ukai chugged at his drink before muttering, "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that about you. I didn't mean it in a belittling way."

"Don't worry," Takeda said quietly, "I don’t mind it coming from you."

The pair made sly eye contact while they took another sip from their drinks.

"Wait a minute-"

"Nope. You don't get to ask questions after calling me cute," Takeda teased.

Ukai's face settled into a fond smile, "Ah, right."

It wasn’t long before the two had finished their drinks and were chilling together in the smoking area of the bar. Takeda wasn’t a smoker himself but being here with Ukai was fine. In fact, it was somewhat comforting. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes mixed with his cheap cologne. The sound of Ukai’s gruff chuckling. It was all very familiar and warm to Takeda – so much so that he subconsciously began repositioning himself to be as close to Ukai as possible without physically touching him.

Ukai, on the other hand, was just trying not to blow smoke into Takeda’s face. Not at all aware of how physically close the two were now, Ukai had been telling Takeda more about his granddad’s history with Nekoma’s coach. However, Ukai had noticed that Takeda was smiling ever so softly as Ukai spoke and, honestly, it was getting a bit much for him.

“What’re you thinking about that’s making you so cheery?”

Takeda blinked himself out of his trance, “What do you mean?”

Ukai vaguely gestured around Takeda’s face, having to hold himself back from giving the shorter man’s cheeks a little pull.

“Oh!” Takeda laughed, “You have to promise to not get annoyed with me if I say why, though.”

“Go ahead.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m being insincere by repeating myself but…you really are wonderful.”

A sharp, crimson colour shot across Ukai’s face. He coughed violently, “You are going to be the end of me, Takeda-sensei!”

Takeda grinned cheekily, “That would be a shame; your birthday was only recently.”

Ukai beamed back at him. Maybe it was the alcohol or perhaps it was just everything about Takeda. Whatever it was, Ukai was beginning to care less and less about how things were. Without a second thought, Ukai took Takeda’s hand and leaned incredibly close to his face, his eyes focused on how Takeda’s grin widened as he got closer.

“Happy birthday to me, I guess.”

[artlessictoan]

Day 3 - Family

eyyy looks like we’re back to my fave theme that is the hardest one to write! why do I do these things to myself.. this one….. this one got kinda very dark at points. I uh………. yeah, tw suicidal thoughts, it’s only implied and he gets better but please avoid this chap if you need to

just a lil reminder that in these fics I’ve altered ages a little so the sibs are each a couple years apart instead of being born basically back-to-back, for poor karura’s sake. also autistic kank hcs abound!

(ao3 version)

---

Day 3 - Family

---

Age two and the world is far too big and scary for him.

Outside there is wind and sand constantly brushing his skin with their feather-light touch that turns his skin inside out, and his mother insists upon holding his hand loosely wherever they go, no matter how her grip rattles down to his bones; he much prefers inside, where it is cool and quiet and he’s allowed to play alone with his toys as much as he likes, even if Temari keeps trying to take them for herself.

Family is a word mother keeps repeating to him, broken up into small, slow sounds, eyes wide and hungry as she waits for something, he doesn’t know what, but he knows that the word is the long sigh when he flips his bowl onto the table, is a firm press of lips against his forehead every night before he falls asleep.

---

Age three and he realises how much he misses routine.

There doesn’t seem to be any explanation for why mother hasn’t taken him out for several days now, no reason for father’s sudden disappearance from family dinnertime, just the reassurances of his sister as she pulls him away from mother’s room, she’s tired, she needs to sleep, c’mon I’ll tell you the story with the owl again, you like that one, mother will get well soon, then we can all go out together, .

Family is worry and feeling the sharp pain of a missing presence at his side, wishing he could be big and strong like Temari, so he could help make mummy feel better.

---

Age six and he hates how everything is being kept from him.

Father has been spending less and less time with him and when he does, it’s only to instruct him on jutsu and frown when metal does not shiver at his touch; Temari is busy with her tutors, he can’t remember the last time they said hello without her apologising; uncle Yashamaru’s hair is wilder and his eyes darker every time he sees him, apparently his little brother is doing well, but he wouldn’t know, he hasn’t seen him since he was a baby.

Family is trying to piece together the broken fragments of an old life, work out what he did wrong and how he can make it right, it is asking father what he needs to do, is it picking up a weapon for the first time in his life.

---

Age ten and he can no longer feel his fingertips.

Chakra burns as he forces it from his body, it whips and flails like a desperate animal as he stretches it out further and further, a distant voice barks at him to focus, silk-fine threads snap and the puppet crumbles to the ground in a heap of fabric and wood. He holds his aching hand with a white-knuckled grip, bites his lip until it bleeds, holds his eyes wide open until the urge to cry burns away under the scorching midday sun.

Family is the wrinkled old men and women of the puppetry core, with their sharp tongues and hard glares, the ancient, crumbling papers that are quickly becoming the only thing he truly understands.

---

Age twelve and he is sick, sick, sick of it.

He’s not good enough, never has been, never will be. The Kazekage’s disappointment comes through in every curt, backhanded compliment that slips out of his slimy mouth and his tutors dismiss every win he takes, grinding away at his pride until he can’t bare to even look at himself in the mirror. When the first strokes of deep purple cross his features – paint laced with a mild poison, in Suna tradition – he claims it’s because he knows he is ready to call himself a true puppet master, whether the elders accept it or not, in private, he tells Temari that it’s because he’s seen the venom in the stares Gaara sends their father and has no desire to face an early grave, but when he’s alone, with nothing but a mirror to judge him, he knows it’s because he can’t bear that hate reflected back at him in his father’s eyes.

Family is never feeling safe, never feeling content with himself, because himself was worth less than the dirt on Gaara’s shoes. He spends a long time staring at the kunai, carefully sharpened to a dazzling gleam; Temari’s call from down the hall jolts him back to reality. Blade hidden back under his pillow, he welcomes his sister home with a smirk and a joke and tries to believe that the warmth in her tired eyes and weak smile prove his value to the world.

---

Age fourteen and he doesn’t realise how much he loves Suna until he leaves.

The air here is too sticky, the people too loud and the colours too garish. He finds himself urgently fidgeting every time he sits down, fingers going through the motions that would see a hidden blade spring from Karasu’s arm, a pack of senbon scattered in a wide arc, lethal, invisible gas released in the middle of a crowded street, only when a hand lightly slaps against his and a warning is hissed in his ear does he stop and recognise the exact same restless agitation in his little brother’s face.

Family is seeing the life and joy of the people around him and wishing for the simple, familiar distrust of home, where he knew where he stood and didn’t feel the aching want when he saw a trio of siblings playing in the street, running away laughing when their mother called them home.

---

Age fifteen and, for the first time in years, he can breathe.

New responsibilities and worries keep him busy, distracted from emotions that he refuses to look at, lest the old, comfortable claws of anger once again claim their rightful place at his throat, but suddenly he doesn’t have to rely solely on himself. Temari demands that he stop shouldering his burdens alone in an attempt to protect her, Baki-sensei shows up at their home unannounced bearing food, gentle, uncertain touches and sly warnings of political machinations. More than them though, Gaara is the one who finds him in his pit of heavy, guilt-laden quicksand and reaches out, not to pull him free, but to find comfort from one entombed in the same suffocating place.

Family is support and comfort, it is warm meals eaten together to the sound of laughter, it is long, dark talks stretching long into the night, it is desperately clinging to the one person you thought would never understand and dragging each other back to the surface.

---

Age eighteen and he couldn’t stop the emotions escaping if he’d tried.

He still hated touch, hated how it made him feel trapped in his own skin and so uncomfortably close to another… but when they were finally home and free of prying eyes and constant attention, he pulled his siblings into the tightest, most painful hug he’d ever experienced. None of them let go, not even as they fell to the floor together – legs bent awkwardly beneath them – not when Gaara started mumbling every pain and fear he’d never let out, not as Temari finally broke down and howled, long and wretched and terrified, into his dusty, bloody coat, not when the hall became too dark to see, not even when Gaara had passed out from exhaustion and Temari fell into a light, fretful sleep; Kankuro refused to close his eyes or let go, keeping silent watch over them until the sun rose.

Family is horrible and wonderful and he will never, ever, lose a piece of it again, to do so would be to lose a part of himself.

---

Age twenty-nine and he has to wonder what the hell Gaara was thinking.

As much as he’d grown past his childhood hatred of those younger than him, there was a difference between tolerating children in specific situations, and suddenly having them infiltrate every part of your life. He wants to resent them for it, wants to pretend that he doesn’t get a kick out of Yodo’s games, doesn’t enjoy sharing his love of puppetry and art with Shinki, doesn’t feel a deep connection with the boy who loathed his own face.

Family is half-hearted protests and insincere complaints, poorly hidden laughter and smiles that warm him down to his soul. Araya lights up when he gives him a mask, cries when he assures him that there’s no shame in hiding, as long as it’s on your own terms.

---

Age fifty-six and he’s looking forwards to an early retirement.

The news that the three Kazekage siblings would be stepping down from their political posts had rocked Suna to it’s foundations, though Gaara’s calm words and unshakable faith in the next generation had soothed most concerns; they hadn’t done all they could in shaping the new world, but they had done enough, now was the time to let those with new ideas for change and progression take the stage. Now was the time to experience all those things they’d missed out on growing up.

Family is finding the time for the small moments as well as the big, it’s sticking together through the bad, in the hopes that one day you’ll be able to enjoy the good and the mundane and the thousand states in-between.

---

Age eighty-two and there simply isn’t enough time in the world.

He refuses to stop moving, no matter how his joints complain and eyes cloud; as long as he draws breath, he will live each day to its fullest.

Family is messy and confusing and he could never properly describe it, but if asked he would say it is the friends who stand by you, through thick and thin, the communities you build with like-minded people, the children you mentor, comfort, encourage and raise, the man who embraces you, sharp, broken edges and all, the siblings who push you to be better, to be your truest self, it is accepting someone as they were, good and bad and so terribly human, it is the comfort found in a gentle touch against the forehead.

Nothing in the world would ever be as precious.

---

[heartfullofharry]

Let It Be

based off the short film of the same name by bertie gilbert - "I just don't see it. The earlier albums have such bangers." "C'mon, the later stuff is much better!" Harry just rolls his eyes and shakes his head, hands in the pockets of his multicoloured jacket as he follows behind Harry toward their–his house. It's his house now. Harry is quite taken aback when he sees a tall girl stood in the back garden, a small handgun pointed to their–his Westie Poo named Ringo. "Excuse me?" Harry asks, trying to be stern when his voice is shaking. "W-What are you doing?" "How did she get here?" Louis hisses into Harry's ear once he notices the scene in front of them. "M-My job?" The girl stutters, gun still pointed at poor Ringo as her thick eyebrows furrow. Harry's face softens as Louis claps his hand onto his left shoulder blade. "Oh, your job!" Louis exclaims as though he understands, afraid the girl will hurt him if he argues. "This is your job, yes, right, okay, well we'll be going now, let's go Harry. We'll be out of your hair, you're getting paid to do this, sorry Ringo, c'mon, H." "Whose later stuff?" "Sorry?" "What band? I heard you a few minutes ago. You said something about their later stuff being much better. Who?" "The Beatles," Louis replies uneasily. "He likes their earlier music. I like their later stuff. Are you...a fan?" "I've never heard them, actually," The girl replies, biting her plump bottom lip as Louis furrows his eyebrows. "Really?" He asks. "I don't listen to music, really," The girl continues. "Well you should," Louis says quickly, hand still a heavy weight on Harry's shoulder. Harry thinks his skin is on fire. "It's lovely, music is very popular. Well, we should be going, let's go-" "Listen," Harry interrupts Louis and steps closer to the girl, voice soft but stern. "Just put the gun down. You don't have to do this." The girl, dressed in all black, looks up at Harry with wide eyes. "Don't I?" "No, no," Harry assures. "Of course not. Just p-put it down, we can talk, I'll make you tea, okay?" The girl looks stunned. She nods, dropping the gun and practically sprinting toward Harry, attacking him into a tight hug. Harry, caught off guard by the sudden affection, freezes before hugging her back just as tightly. The girl is trembling, breaths heavy as she stands only a few inches shorter than Harry. "I'm sorry," The girl weeps into Harry's chest as Louis picks up the small gun and examines it. "I didn't even need to kill him, I was just being stupid." "Oh," Harry breathes. "Oh. No, don't worry about it. Do you need anything? What can we do for you?" "I want to live," The girl cries shakily. "I just want to live, I-I've heard that it's nice." "Okay, alright," Harry says soothingly, rubbing the girl's back. "Okay, yeah, we can do that. What's your name then?" "Death." "Okay, I'm Harry," He says, pulling back from the girl and keeping his hands on her upper arms. "And that's Louis-wait, I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?" ♛ "Alright, well, here we are," Harry sighs as the girl–Death, he supposes–sits down on his sofa. "My house, make yourself comfortable." "Is this it?" The girl asks, looking around. "Rude." "Shh," Harry hushes Louis over his shoulder before turning back to Death. "Yes, I'm afraid so. Um, how about that tea?" "Can I have some wine, actually?" Death asks with her hands folded in her lap, black fingernails contrasting with her pale skin. "I-I've heard it's good." "Of course, sure," Harry nods. "Red or white?" Louis asks. "Well, I've taken on the form of a young white girl," Death explains, picking at her skirt. "Usually only the higher-up demons are red." Harry and Louis both just stand there, stunned. "Right, okay, Harry, a word?" ♛ "I don't like it." "What?" Harry asks as he pulls a wine glass out of the cabinet as Louis leans against the counter. "Her, I don't like her," Louis explains. "I don't like this game she's playing." "That's not fair." "What's not fair is trying to kill our dog and go around saying you're a manifestation of the grim reaper. What is it, some kind of fetish thing?" "It's obviously not some kind of fetish thing," Harry rolls his eyes and shakes his head, pulling a bottle of white wine out from a different cabinet. "Whatever it is, I don't like it, and I want her out of this house." "What makes you think that you have a say?" Harry asks as he pours the wine into the glass. "Because this is our-" Harry slams the cabinet closed and leans against the counter. "No, no, sorry, obviously not. I just haven't...adapted." Harry nods. "Can we talk about it?" Silence. "Harry." "I don't think now is a good time," Harry says softly, shaking his head as he pours Louis a glass of wine as well. "What's there to talk about? You're moving out on Friday. It's sorted." "Sorted?" Louis scoffs. "Seriously?" "Look, I really don't want to talk about it," Harry practically whimpers. "There's a girl in there who clearly has some issues and we need to feed her, find her a place to go. Then...maybe...we can talk." Harry hands Louis his glass of wine before picking up his own. "To death," Louis says, holding out his glass. Harry raises his eyebrows before repeating him softly and clinking their glasses together. ♛ Harry excuses himself and goes to the washroom with the wine bottle in his hand. He finds himself crying. He didn't intend to cry. But he can't help it. He feels as though the world is swallowing him up. He tries to pull himself together and wipe his eyes, but as soon as he looks at himself in the mirror he finds himself crumbling once again. "Why are you crying?" Harry slowly looks toward the bathtub where Death is sitting in her clothes, water filling it about a fourth of the way. "O-Oh," Harry stutters out, clearing his throat. "Don't worry about it. I'm sorry. I-It's nothing, nothing." "I'm just having a bath," Death shrugs. "I've heard that relaxes people." "Um, yeah," Harry gives her a strained smile and nods. "Yeah, yeah, it does." "Did you guys break up?" Harry's face falls. "Um, yes, we-we did. Break up." "I'm sorry," Death says a bit insincerely. "That really sucks. Nobody wants to die alone." "Die alone?" Harry gives her a small, confused smile. "I'm still young, I have plenty of time." Death gives him a knowing look. "Do you really believe that?" Harry's face falls and he looks down at his lap. Death folds her hands in her lap. "Why do you like their earlier music?" "Sorry, who?" "The Beatles." "Oh, ah," Harry shrugs. "I guess it was happier. Less serious. Less...jaded. They got political toward the end. Yeah, I don't know, it's just more youthful, you can hear their prospect a bit more in the music, like all the great things they have to offer." "Like their later music?" Death asks. Harry giggles a bit at that, thumb smoothing over the wine bottle in his hands. "Um, yeah," He says with a small smile. "I honestly like to pretend they never broke up. So uh, just out of curiosity, why were you going to shoot Ringo? Our dog?" "I don't know," Death sighs. "It's been a rough day at work, I think I might want a career change." "Sorry, what career was that?" "Killing people. Killing everyone, actually. It's just not fun anymore, it's like, what's the point, you know? In cutting people's lives short? Death sucks." "Yeah," Harry practically whimpers, biting his bottom lip. "Yeah, it does." "I never really stopped to think about it," Death ponders. "Like, poof, they're gone. Just like that. The end. Everything someone was and everyone someone could've been. Gone. In an instant." She leans back. "Every person in human history dead because of me. I'm the worst." "No," Harry says softly. "You're too hard on yourself." ♛ "Oh, man, is it finished?" Harry stares down at the piano keys, fingers itching to play another song. "Yeah, afraid so." "Do you know any songs from The Beatles?" "Yeah, yeah, I think so," Harry says with a smile, fingers on the keys of the beginning of When I'm Sixty Four. "Hang on, uh." He starts to play until he hears Louis walk in wearing a black turtle neck and jeans, round glasses sitting at the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry," Harry giggles. "Who are you supposed to be?" "Steve Jobs," Louis says as though it's obvious. "You know, the jeans, the turtle neck, it's the get up." "You look like someone's uncle," Harry continues to giggle. Louis rolls his eyes, and it seems less fond than usual. "Alright, who the hell are you supposed to be then?" Louis grumbles. "A dog," Harry replies with a bright smile, pointing to his face makeup. "Oh," Louis puts his hand over his heart. "A dog. You've gone as a dog. A dog from...not even a film, just a dog. No, that's great, generic dog, fantastic, what about-" He looks over to Death, who's face is painted as a very realistic skeleton. "The word enabling comes to mind." "Hush, she looks lovely." "C-Can we have a word outside, please?" Harry just looks at him. "Please?" ♛ "I wanted to apologise," Louis says as he leans against the wall. "It's not good to rush these things. We can talk about it when you want to talk about it." "Okay," Harry says quietly. "Okay, um, maybe it's best to just...not?" "What?" Louis asks. "Like, ever?" "I just-" "Don't," Louis interrupts. "I don't understand why everything you're saying has to be so conditioned and calculated." "I just thought we'd go out on a high-" "How is suppressing our feelings and shit going out on a high?" "We'll talk about this later." "We won't." ♛ "So, like, if you're unhappy, why don't you get a new job?" "I wish it were that easy," Death sighs as Niall takes a sip from his solo cup. "I mean, what would I do? Work at an office job?" "I'm not saying you have to work at an office. You're a good looking girl, you could be, like, a model. Or an actress." "This is just the current form I've chosen," Death explains. "I can change my appearance whenever, regardless of perceptions of beauty." "Oh okay." Death looks over to see Harry sitting on a bench staring at his feet, Louis staring at him intensely from afar. She walks up to Louis. "Why do you like The Beatles' later stuff?" She asks pressingly. Louis, eyes still on Harry, scoffs. "Why do you care?" He asks bitterly. Death shrugs. "Just do." "It's more...complex. More instruments. It feels like a continuation, like all their earlier work was leading to their later music. It's just more complete. That's my answer." "Sure." "Fifth drink," Louis says coldly as he watches Harry. "Why is he drinking so much?" "Why do you care?" "Because-" Louis just sighs and rips off the glasses before taking off the turtleneck. "Fucking turtleneck." He walks over to Harry and sits neck to him, their knees pressed together. Harry slowly leans into Louis' shoulder, and Louis just looks down at his lap. When Harry lifts his head a bit to look at Louis, Louis starts to lean in. Harry pushes him away. "What are you doing?" "Oh, I-I just thought-" Harry stands up and walks quickly toward Death. "Can we go? I'd really like to go," Death gives him a sympathetic nod as Louis follows him. "Harry," Louis says desperately. "I'm sorry. I. This is fucked up." He looks over to Death. "There was a time where he'd use to get out of the shower and come talk to me about everything under the sun while his hair would dry. And now I can't get a damn thing out of him. Do you know how much that fucking hurts? How does he expect to get me to adapt this quickly?" "He's dying!" "I'm fucking sorry?" "I was supposed to kill him today but I postponed it. I thought I'd shoot the dog instead." "Wha-" Louis looks over to Harry with the most pained expression. "Is this true?" Harry's face crumples up as he nods. "You told her and not me?" "I didn't tell her, I don't know how she knows," Harry says shakily. "This is just fucking great." "I'm sorry?" "Well now I can't be angry with you, can I? You're fucking dying, w-what are you playing at? You're supposed to tell me this shit." "W-We're not going out anymore." "I-It's cancer. It's fucking cancer, isn't it, oh my god, it's fucking cancer." "Yeah, it's fucking cancer. You happy now?" "Why would take make me happy?" Louis looks like he wants the ground to swallow him up. "I can't do this," Harry whimpers, looking to his right to see Death isn't there. "I need Death, I can't do this." "Yeah, she's the priority," Louis spits with teary eyes as Harry starts to run in the other direction. "Oh man, that's a real shame." "Oh, fuck off, Niall." ♛ "How did you know?" "I got ordered at work," Death says as she stares into the lake that was right near the party. Harry huffs. "You don't believe me, do you? Whatever. Take it or leave it. I'm done with life. It's overrated. But what else it there? Death? It just makes people unhappy." "It's a necessary evil. It needs to be faced." "There you are," Louis runs up to Harry, panting heavily. "I-I ran all the way here. It's not even far, I'm just not in good shape. Harry I'm sorry. I really am. But listen, I'll stay. I'll take care of you, and not as your boyfriend. As you're friend, as we're broken up. And it's fine. We'll talk about it at some point maybe, or maybe not. Whatever. There are more pressing matters right now." "Let's talk about it," Harry decides. "Oh, really?" Harry nods. "Yeah, okay. Uh, why did you break up with me?" "Because I just don't feel about you that way anymore." Louis nods with raised eyebrows. "Sure. Fair enough." "Is that all you needed?" "Yeah. I think so." "Good," Harry says with a sheepish smile. "Closure." "I don't think I'm going to listen to The Beatles," Death decides. "Too much emotions." "Plus you killed two of them," Louis points out. "The third one's coming up soon." "Oh my god," Louis gasps. "Oh my god, which one? Can you say it? Oh, please say it's Ringo. Obviously it's good if neither did die but please tell me Paul lives. You won't tell me, will you? Fine, I don't care. No, wait, I really do, please tell me." "Take a breath, Lou," Harry giggles. And just like that. The heavy weight is gone.

[skartoargento]

Jensen/Pritchard fic idk

mfw I had the worst day at work (mentally) and all I wanted to do was either come home and cry and sleep or come home and write some weird fluff between Jensen and Pritchard.

I chose the latter and I think that was a mistake because it’s nearly 3am. Oh well. It has Pritchard wearing a suit. Because I bet he looks great in a suit.

This doesn’t have a title (yet?) I seem to be unable to write Pritchard and Jensen in an established relationship, so they’re always starting out in these fics.

On the balcony, high enough so the wind tugged at his coat and hair, Adam leaned his elbows on the railing and exhaled a plume of cigarette smoke into the night. Behind him, a burst of laughter punctured the low buzz of conversation, dulled somewhat by the wall of glass. The subtle bass of some song vibrated through his shoes, picked up by the sensors in his augmented feet.

The last time he'd endured Sarif's birthday soiree, his feet had been human, just like the rest of him, and Megan floated at his side in a dress of crimson silk. Dammit, he could still see her smile, brighter than the lights overhead.

Smoke dragged back into his lungs. His rebreather, alerted to the presence of toxic fumes, kicked in with a pinged message to his HUD. Warmth spread through his chest.

When he'd stepped out onto the balcony, a couple he didn't recognise took one look at his hands, the image processors at the side of his eyes, and the C.A.S.I.E stamp on his forehead, and stopped their drunken slow-dancing to gawk. A crowd of younger guys fell silent for a few moments – long enough for him to know what they thought. He ignored C.A.S.I.E's conversation suggestions, stalked to the railing and glared down at Detroit from behind his eye shields. A few minutes later, startled out of thoughts by Sarif's bellow of humour, he'd turned, and the balcony was empty.

The urge to walk back into the hall, to track down the couple and the group of assholes and ask them if they thought Sarif's guard dog would bite, burned so strongly that fear doused it out almost immediately.

Not that kind of person. Pricks like that shouldn't – didn't – affect him.

A soft click of door, and the volume increased, Sarif's raised voice above everything, then hushed back to a muted rumble with another click.

Car lights rushed against the black below. He took the last drag of his last cigarette and flicked the dying glow to join the cars. Waited. Footsteps clicked across paving, stopped at his side. Cyber-optics picked up movement at the corner of his eyes. He didn't have to wait long for a certain someone to start talking.

“Look who escaped the debacle of trying to find a decent suit for this thing.”

He turned, the proper words to irritate on the tip of his tongue, but they all failed before they made it past his lips.

Between various colours of turtleneck and the occasional hoodie, Pritchard's dress sense at work seemed to fall firmly in the category of 'I don't give a shit' – a studded belt, for God's sake, like a teenager – but Sarif never cared about things like that. In a dark suit, Pritchard gained a few angles previously hidden under that motorcycle jacket and those baggy pants, looked more like an actual person. The first couple of buttons of a white shirt lay open, just to squeeze in a slight edge of defiance, and a leather belt replaced studs.

His own confusion sent C.A.S.I.E into an intrusive flurry across his vision, besieged him with heart rate, biochemical analysis, and the option to send out pheromones. Probably rude to do that at a party.

A drink in each hand, Pritchard gestured back to the inside of the building with a shrug of shoulder. “I'm surprised Sarif hasn't been showing you off like a prize hound all night, especially with the London contingent putting in an appearance. Or did you manage to escape?”

He shifted, tore his eyes away from the suit and stared back over the rail. “I pulled security.”

“Well, you've done a wonderful job of securing the balcony. I feel very safe.”

He snorted, but it sounded more like amusement than derision. “I'm tired of waiting around for something to happen. No men with guns, no bomb threats... I'd rather be in there at the bar.”

“Yes, then instead of being moody and silent out here, you could be moody and silent in there. Besides, I brought you a drink.” In the half-darkness, Pritchard's eyes were steel, steady on his face.

Pupil dilation, C.A.S.I.E supplied.

Some augs were more trouble than they were worth.

He reached for the offered drink, some fruity cocktail mix in a highball glass, probably far stronger than it tasted, and hesitated before his hand made contact. “Sarif –”

“Is regaling Darrow with various boring baseball tales, and therefore not looking this way.” Pritchard's mouth twitched into something like a smile. “He's just got past the 'one time we had to chase a dog around the field' story, so he'll be a while. In any case,” ice cubes tinkled gently against the glass when Pritchard tilted it in his direction, “why shouldn't you have a drink? You can't get very drunk anyway.”

“Yeah. That damn health implant.” Fifteen minutes of being tipsy wasn't enough to justify a whole bottle of whiskey, but old habits were hard to break. Especially after the attack on the labs.

The tips of Pritchard's fingers brushed his when he took the glass, the lightest pressure his augmented hands could pick up. He washed his swallow down with half the drink. Yep, definitely a high alcohol content masked under peaches and raspberry. Not as high as whiskey, not nearly enough to even slightly affect his reasoning, but a few would probably have Pritchard singing on a table. He'd pay to see that.

“Like the suit, by the way,” he said after a few minutes of quiet sipping, “never thought how weird it'd be, seeing you wear one. It's like seeing Malik in a dress instead of pilot gear. Can't get over it.”

Pritchard drained the glass, considered the lonely ice cube at the bottom. C.A.S.I.E was all too quick to point out a slight expansion of blood vessels in Pritchard's cheeks. Romantic. “Mm. Well, Sarif's obsession with impressing London means we all have to suffer. It wouldn't be my first choice.”

Sometime during the drinking, Pritchard had edged closer, closer than he'd usual allow anyone else. Personal bubble had been popped, and instead of retreating he moved his arm to brush the sleeve of Pritchard's suit.

“Looks like he's not the only one trying to impress tonight, Francis.”

To Pritchard's credit, there was no insincere denial, no fumbling for a retort. Just a silence as good as any admission. A sigh, and Pritchard stared down over the railing. Behind them, a different song started, something loud and techno. Too loud in there, too quiet out here.

Warm skin slipped against the back of his hand. Pritchard's fingers found his, squeezed with a cautious pressure.

“So,” Pritchard said, tone light as though discussing the clear night's sky, “please don't crush my fingers with your super-aug strength.”

“I'll try and resist the urge.”

No intentions of pulling away or crushing fingers. He closed his eyes, squeezed back. Felt good to be touched again, to feel skin in his hand, breath against the side of his neck. When he turned his head to the side, his nose brushed another – damn, hadn't realised Pritchard got that close – and he nearly startled away. The fingers entwined in his moved to his cheek, steadied him. Pritchard's words ghosted over his lips, something insulting, endearing, something even with all his augs he couldn't hear for the blood pounding in his ears.

Pritchard leaned in, and the kiss tasted of peaches and raspberries.

Tension, coiling inside like tight spring, snapped. One hand went to the back of Pritchard's head, the other shattered the glass as he took the kiss deeper, as he tried to stifle whatever empty longing rose howling from his chest.

His hands wanted to roam, to explore under shirt and down the waistband of those pants, but the kiss broke, and he came back as though doused in icy water, breathing hard into Pritchard's neck. Not in his apartment, or anywhere remotely private, but Sarif's damn party. And he bet if he looked through the glass – yep, several people staring at them. Great. One little kiss and he went to pieces. Some fantastic head of security he turned out to be.

Pritchard took a step back, hair ruffled and shirt dishevelled, like they'd done a little more than just kiss. A few moments of controlled breathing, and Pritchard's hands went to the wayward strands of hair, smoothed them down or tucked them behind his ears. “Well. More enthusiastic than I expected.”

“Yeah.” Should he apologise, even if he didn't regret it? “Uh... you okay?”

“Me?” Pritchard smoothed the shirt back to where it should be. More or less. A glance behind them, at the few people still staring, seemed to hurry it along. “Safe to say this is going to get back to Sarif quickly. Any chance you could throw us both off the edge, land with your shiny Icarus aug so we can stay out of his way for the rest of the night?”

“Tempting, but I have a job to do. Should've thought about that before you tried to seduce me.”

“Succeeded.”  

“Whatever.” The howl faded to a slow growl instead. In some alternate timeline he would be dragging Pritchard along the streets to end the night in his bed, but alternate-timeline Adam apparently didn't care about consequences. He did, but not as much as he should. “Shit, I should probably make another sweep of the building.”

Pritchard set the glass on the ground, near the shards of his own glass, and slid a cigarette from the jacket pocket. “You really should. Do your job, Jensen.”A flick of lighter, and Pritchard's eyes stayed on him through an inhale and exhale of smoke. “What time is Sarif letting you go?”

“It's a party, so late. Or early, depending on how you like to think about it.”

Pritchard nodded, blew smoke out through his nostrils. “I'll be here.”

That did startle him. “All night?”

“Why not?” This time, Pritchard's eyes went to a spot over his shoulder, and the cigarette seemed a little less steady. “I don't think we were done.”

If he had a little less impulse control, he might have pounced at that, started something again and finished it right there. Luckily for the both of them, he could keep some things in line.

The warmth of the room grabbed him as soon as he opened the door. He took one look back, and couldn't bring himself to sneer at Pritchard's cheery wave. The morning couldn't come quick enough.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 24th November 2019

I know I say this every week but we finally did get a cooldown week and as I say whenever we don’t have many new tracks to review, this will actually be a short week, despite a pretty big debut. I don’t have much time to write this at all so I’m just going to flash past everything here, I apologise if I miss any detail.

Top 10

It’s Tones and I’s eighth week at the top with “Dance Monkey”, still stable at #1.

Similarly not moving at all is “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa at number-two, which I actually have qualms about considering it could potentially not hit #1 and just stall at the runner-up spot.

The number-three spot goes to a debut from Billie Eilish, with “everything i wanted”, which peaked at #8 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the US, and is Eilish’s fifth UK Top 40 hit and third top 10 entry. We’ll talk more about it later.

Sadly, that means “Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean is down one spot to number-four. I’m surprised that song’s not already on its way out.

“Memories” by Maroon 5 makes its way up one spot to number-five.

Unfortunately, it takes Lewis Capaldi’s trite “Bruises” up with it, moving up four spaces to number-six.

“South of the Border” by Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B seems to struggle down three spots to number-seven.

“Good as Hell” by Lizzo featuring Ariana Grande is up a spot to number-eight.

“Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez, on the other hand, is down a spot to number-nine.

Notably, and quite to my dismay, off of its debut last week, we have “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas up 14 spots to #10, becoming his first entry in the top 10... why?!

Climbers

There are none. Okay, no, I’m being insincere, there are some but they’re pretty unremarkable to say the least. “Pump it Up” by DJ Endor is up seven spaces off of the debut last week to #29, and seemingly due to album hype, “Lights Up” by Harry Styles is also up seven spots, rebounding back into the top 20 at #16.

Fallers

I know, this is where I usually say that the fallers are more plentiful, but they actually weren’t, well, they were to an extent but it’s a pretty miniscule amount this time. At #36, “Follow God” by Kanye West continues to flop down nine spaces, “Paper Cuts” by Dave does the same off of the debut down a whopping 15 down to #30, whilst “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM” by Travis Scott and “Outnumbered” by Dermot Kennedy start off their downward spirals, down seven and nine spaces respectively to #24 and #23. “Buss Down” by Aitch featuring ZieZie may as well be doing the same down five to #21, and sadly, off of the top five debut from last week, “Must Be” by J Hus is now at #13, down eight spaces from the week prior.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

We almost always have dropouts, but it’s very uncommon for us to really have any returning entries since we only cover the top 40, however we do in fact have a returning entry this week with “Lover” by Taylor Swift returning to #38 thanks to the remix featuring Shawn Mendes. That’s all we have for returning entries – dropouts, on the other hand, we have a few of. First of all, “Be Honest” by Jorja Smith and Burna Boy experiences streaming cuts that lead it off of the charts from #25, while the others are just remnants of songs that kind of flopped. “The Last Time” by the Script is out from #32, “10,000 Hours” by Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber is out from #35, “Tell Me” by Krept & Konan featuring D-Block Europe and Ling Hussle is out from #37 and “Floss” by AJ Tracey featuring MoStack and Not3s is out from #39 as well. These aren’t very remarkable or good songs (Apart from “10,000 Hours”, which is good but not particularly notable or really anything worth discussing too in-depth), so not even the drop-outs here could be big stories. We could have a featured single even, this week is so boring, but alas, I have little time. Let’s get to the new arrivals.

#35 – “Watermelon Sugar” – Harry Styles

Produced by Tyler Johnson and Kid Harpoon – Peaked at #10 in Lithuania and #60 in the US

So, this is Harry Styles’ second single from the upcoming sophomore solo effort, Fine Line, where he seems to be continuing the classic rock formula he touched upon in his self-titled debut record, although from what we can gather, this album seems to be more focused on replicating the anthemic indie stomper than the slow, 70s soft rock ballad. I didn’t like the lead single, and it soon dropped down the charts pretty quickly before rebounding this week, so I’m curious and hopeful to see if this is any good. This is only Styles’ third UK Top 40 hit as a solo artist and that number would be a lot bigger if I counted the singles with One Direction... but is it any good? I mean, I wish it was. The riff here is pretty catchy and fun, and the production is appropriately lush, but the sheer amount of synth overdubs does cause a lot of clipping towards the end, and Harry Styles just sounds bored out of his mind here. I like the guitars here, especially in the second verse, but the transition to the chorus is abrupt and awkward, and the chorus is mind-numbing. It doesn’t work as an anthemic single because it acts as such as a lightweight, fluffy wasteful song, with a lacklustre performance from Styles, inorganic drum loops and a pathetic post-chorus where Styles reaches into his... vocodered falsetto? Yeah, whatever this is going for, it’s clearly failing for me. Sorry, but much like “Lights Up”, I don’t care for this at all.

#32 – “Jerry Sprunger” – Tory Lanez featuring T-Pain

Produced by Tory Lanez, Play Picasso and Papi Yerr – Peaked at #34 in Canada and #44 in the US

Tory Lanez is perhaps my least favourite rapper. He’s so infuriatingly boring and generic, more often than not he sounds nasal and gross whilst being completely inoffensive content-wise and sometimes just straight-up ripping off his influences like Kendrick Lamar, which Joyner Lucas pointed out and they had the whole diss track exchange that was supposed to prove Lanez as a “lyrical” rapper when really all it did was embarrass both parties, but I digress. Tory Lanez is aggravating and I hate near everything he’s put out, and he just happens to be oddly successful in the UK, but to an extent where I’m confused by it. He’s not a big artist in the UK – well, not really, he’s had only one top 10 album although hip-hop albums tend to suffer here anyway, and never a UK Top 40 hit on his own (He did get one with 6ix9ine last year, so this is his second and T-Pain’s 11th), despite appearing on Good Morning Britain to be interviewed about... nothing since he didn’t have an album coming out. Guess who finally got him that British breakout single? Freaking T-Pain. I have a lot of respect for the guy but even he knows he’s more than 50% a punchline the majority of the time, and plays to that by being a jokester. This is from Tory Lanez’s concept album (Yes, concept album) Chixtape 5. The loose concept is that he takes samples from mid-2000s R&B songs, makes beats from them, and puts the original R&B singers on them, which just sounds like a massive waste of sample clearance money to me, but again, I digress. I’ve heard one other song off of this album and it was as musically incompetent as a Goddamn washing machine so, is this one any better? Well, I like T-Pain’s verse, but I knew I would already, check out his album he released in January, 1UP, it’s actually pretty decent, especially “RIP to the Parking Lot”. This is actually his first UK Top 40 hit “5 O’Clock” featuring Wiz Khalifa and Lily Allen peaked at #6 in 2011. So, “I’m Sprung” was released in 2004 and it was T-Pain’s debut single, becoming his first top 10 in the US, and a Dizzee Rascal remix helped it get to #30 here in the UK too. I don’t really like that song in all honesty, it still sounds really primitive in comparison to his later compositions, and sometimes he just straight-up sounds offbeat.”Jerry Sprunger” might be worse, taking one loop from the little faux-acapella section of “I’m Sprung” and making a tone-deaf trap beat out of it. Tory Lanez, when he’s not mumbling, he’s making a gross and weedy Chris Brown impression, with no content whatsoever. The chorus just feels overwhelming and cluttered with so many layers of multi-tracked T-Pain. T-Pain is still incredibly charismatic, with carefree, easy flows that still sound impressive, and a random beatboxing break that’s hilarious. Oh, yeah, and for a straight minute, the sample is reversed and we just have some unnecessary Tory Lanez vocal riffing. Gross. This might have made me appreciate “I’m Sprung” more, actually.

#19 – “Before You Go” – Lewis Capaldi

Produced by TMS – Peaked at #1 in Scotland and Ireland

...First Tory Lanez, a man who makes music I despise but I never expected to show up, and now Lewis Capaldi, an enemy to both democracy and REVIEWING THE CHARTS, shows up to spite me with a late deluxe edition single... even though that’s what “Bruises” is. I mean, okay, maybe they’re pushing this one to the US – oh, wait, lol it didn’t chart anywhere outside of Europe... or New Zealand, but I doubt Capaldi is desperately looking for his big Kiwi crossover. Capaldi himself has been very vague about his fifth UK Top 40 hit... and so will I, in fact, I will just recount my thoughts on Capaldi and detail my history with the man. I first met Capaldi on the 13th of January this year, when “Grace” debuted at #33 on the UK Singles Chart, and I referred to him breezily as a “Scottish dude” – such a simpler time, and admittedly had very little to say about the song, but I did come to the conclusion that he sounded like a Scottish post-hardcore vocalist trying to re-write “Fight Song”, which is the type of analogy I used to make earlier in this show, whilst now I just cynically ramble. The song dropped out the next week, 20th January, replaced by “Someone You Loved” at #29, and I made my first truly scathing review of the man, branding him as a boring person who doesn’t understand how music works. I continued on my analogy from “Grace”, stating he sounded out of place, and half-asleep on the droning, piano melody that “Someone You Loved” presents. I noticed his resemblance with James Arthur in terms of how they both strain their vocals, although I mistakenly declared Capaldi was a better vocalist, which is plainly untrue to me now. I said he was lacking in compelling content (Surprise, surprise, he still is), and that the UK outside of Scotland does not care about Lewis Capaldi or his music, since we made his hits interchangeable. I asked Lewis Capaldi directly, and I don’t often plead to the artists, to leave me alone. On both occasions, however, they were not granted Worst of the Week or even Dishonourable Mention (Although I did include him in the 20th’s “toss-up”, asking the reader to pick their own poison). On the 27th of January, “Someone You Loved” rose to #13 and I simply, quite politely said, I could not see this appeal. The following weeks, I would track Capaldi’s rise to the top (To my chagrin, of course). On 3rd February, “Someone You Loved” hit the top 10 and I said just that, not commenting on the success of the single. Despite this, the next week on the 10th, “Grace” returned at #40 and I felt the need to attack it again, saying that it sucks and, in parenthesis, “Who cares?”. On 17th February, I made my first prediction for Capaldi’s career as “Someone You Loved” rose to #3, saying that you should expect the song to reach the top, making no further comment. Again, I continued to follow the rise of both songs until 3rd of March, when “Someone You Loved” reaches #1, although I referred to the song as “some lame [...] song I heard once”, despite being slightly thankful for Capaldi as he was giving me less work by contributing to how dry the charts were. I would not be thankful for Capaldi ever again. I did not expect the song to stay at #1, saying on 10th of March that it was “hanging on”. On the 17th, I incorrectly reported it was its second week at #1 while it was actually its third. On 24th March, I ventured onto a full-on rant, saying, and I quote, verbatim:

““Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is still at the top for its fourth or fifth week and really? US pop music has been getting weirder, darker and more interesting, whilst the UK is lagging behind with boring pop ballads staying at the top for no reason other than the intense label push and some kind of pseudo-emotional strength that the track seems to be emitting to people. That’s not how it’s supposed to work, it’s supposed to be the other way around. This song is just lazy and feels like a total waste of studio time.”

Jesus, cactus. Here, I was comparing it to other more interesting songs still, and didn’t seem outright hatred for the man yet. On the 7th April, I made public my wishes for the song to be overthrown on its sixth week because I thought the song was painful and didn’t bear well with me after overplay. Then my situation continued to worsen as the prospect of more Lewis Capaldi songs debuting and lasting just as long as “Someone You Loved” is scary but perhaps too real. On 12th of May, “Hold Me While You Wait” debuted and in my review I not only called Capaldi the devil, but also a talentless putrid hack and, and I quote, verbatim, “a frog sobbing over its grandfather that had just flatlined”.

This new track is surprisingly okay, actually. I don’t care to analyse it any further, though, I mean after all it’s Lewis Capaldi and “okay” for him is the worst song ever made for most artists.

#3 – “everything i wanted” – Billie Eilish

Produced by FINNEAS – Peaked at #1 in Latvia and Lithuania, and #8 in the US

No introduction needed for this song or Billie herself, let’s just talk about the song, and it’s no surprise that it is pretty good. It’s been a while since I’ve talked about a song from Eilish, but the melancholy piano chords paired with the almost dissonant whispery, reverb-heavy vocals create an eerie, almost paranoid atmosphere, one so good I think I forgive the bass clipping. The claps and percussion in general initially seem pretty unfitting but when the chorus hits, it gets pretty obvious that that’s on purpose, as the reverb drowns them in a form of distance, making sense for the song thematically. In the second verse, her saying “underwater” has some sort of vocoder effect that makes it sound like it’s being said underwater... and I like pointless touches like that. The panning airy synths in the chorus are gorgeous, and FINNEAS’ harmonies with Billie actually sound pretty great, although it’s odd to hear him so clearly on a Billie Eilish track. I like the song overall, but it does feel a tad underwhelming, or perhaps just too whelming, as it does go on for four minutes, which might be one too many, and I would have preferred more experimentation within the song, as its dry, minimalism does run... well, dry, by the end of the song. I respect the song’s lyrical matter though, as it works as a love letter to FINNEAS, her brother, and depicts a suicide attempt made by Eilish in a nightmare in which her fans turn their backs on her due to her attempt, which is actually really haunting to think about and the song reflects that – so, yeah, it’s pretty decent, and still miles ahead anything else from this week.

Conclusion

Worst of the Week is definitely going to Tory Lanez and, unfortunately, T-Pain for “Jerry Sprunger”, whilst Best of the Week should obviously be going to Billie Eilish for “everything i wanted”. Not a particularly good week, but hey, we’ll see what happens next week. “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey re-entered at #59 this week... it’s any minute now. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank and see you next week – it might start getting a bit Christmassy in here.