#I want them to suffer so much and love each other so much it poisons them

[akonos]

about to murder @ryuzatodraws for dealing me the most horrific copiiia scenarios when I’m trying to be a good academic

[severepink]

Observing Adam

Where I go way too deep into something that probably isn't that deep. It's long, it's long as hell.

Okay, so you'd think with how Adam talks he's just a typical misogynist, right?

This man worships pussy. So much so, he's named a whole ass angel, one of his best, Vagina. You'd say that he objectifies them and thinks of them as being lesser, but I don't think that's the whole story. In fact, I think he might be the original simp.

All of these exorcists so far have been women. All of them. He refers to them as ladies or bitches interchangeably, he sees them as being completely capable of absolutely decimating leagues of some of the most vile beings who have ever existed, and they have, to the point it was only after thousands of years that there's been a risk to this hierarchy.

He's a self-centered, egotistical, loud-mouthed, arrogant asshole, no doubt about it, but I'm beginning to suspect something now.

If Adam and Lilith were created from the same dust, if they were created as equals, I am more than willing to bet... Lilith is also a self-centered, egotistical, arrogant asshole. But, she's likely far more intelligent, composed, and duplicitous.

Lilith was allowed to refuse Adam and leave of her own free will and garnered her own independence. A new wife was created for Adam, she was replaced. My guess, is she thought Adam wouldn't be able to live without her, to come back and find herself replaced entirely, she was enraged.

I believe both Adam and Lilith were both incredibly dominant individuals who fought over ideas, thoughts, and ultimately in the bedroom as well, if we take into account the creationist stories.

I'm willing to bet she likely manipulated Lucifer into twisting humanity against its original concept. What if Lucifer's intention truly was to just spark something within Eve, like independence and thought and creation, but it was Lilith's poison within the fruit that tainted her, then subsequently Adam, with sin.

Lilith thrived in hell, while Lucifer's dreams of creation were dashed. She didn't suffer as he did, instead the power of her voice grew with hell. Her voice grew so powerful that heaven found it to be a threat, her actions instigated the beginning of exterminations.

Charlie said that when she was a little girl, she didn't know Lucifer at all. I don't think this was because of Lucifer, he's seen here, picking her up, inviting her to share in his thoughts and dreams, showing her something wonderful. Something she could see within herself.

Charlie says that it's this moment that sparked her will to fight for her dreams. Which is strange, because at the very beginning of the story, Charlie says it was her mother's dream that was passed down to her.

Lilith took Charlie away. In this scene, Lucifer wasn't done showing Charlie his thoughts and dreams, he's still yearning to show his daughter these things at this point.

Lucifer loves his daughter. He loves Charlie so, so, so much. So why wasn't he allowed to build a relationship with his daughter for the longest time? He was waiting for the opportunity to get to know her, but with how much he adores her why didn't he do it sooner? He didn't comment on 'It took you a while-' he just said he missed her smile. They don't want to be pulled apart, again.

Now, we know Vivziepop has said that Lucifer and Lilith love each other, but Lilith 'wears the pants' in the relationship. We see all of the pictures all over the walls of a supposedly happy family. I don't think the relationship was as loving as originally portrayed and Lilith is a woman who desires control above all else. She likely tried to mitigate what influence Lucifer had over their daughter when she thought his angelic thoughts and behaviors became more than what she approved of.

Lets take it back to Adam and Lute for a moment. Again, Adam is a loud mouthed idiot, he's a jerk. The moment he realizes there are demons in heaven, he's ready to go on the attack. It's only because of Lute that he didn't end up doing something absolutely idiotic.

I gotta say, Lute and Adam's relationship is an absolutely fascinating one. He's a disrespectful dick head in how he talks, but how he acts is a different story. He allows Lute to man-handle him. He does listen to her, even if he's a whiny bitch about it.

Look at him, this is the face of a man listening, a dumb one, but a dude listening all the same. He doesn't manhandle her back, he doesn't even pull away until she lets go of his collar. Of all the shit he complained about, between being grabbed and being told what to do, his biggest complaint is that she's telling him to shush.

We know that Adam is the one who suggested the exterminations to begin with, so Sera says, and this was because of the power that Lilith was amassing. To him, Lilith is a threat. Even when he was willing to move on, to go to another wife when Lilith didn't want him or want to submit to him (fair babe, he's a bit of an idiot), she came back with an angel and proceeded to manipulate his new wife Eve. This is the supposed progenitor of man-kind, the original dick (hilariously enough), the reason civilization even exists at all. He and Eve had to fight for their lives after being tempted with the fruit. They had immortality, they had no ideas of shame, they were supposedly 'innocent' creatures before Lilith and Lucifer came along. He and Eve had to fight tooth and nail to survive after being cast from Eden. I think it shows in how willing and ready he is to take lead and do what he believes needs to be done, now out of a need for entertainment rather than a need to defend or protect. But, he still stopped to listen to Lute's advice. In the mythological story of Adam and Eve, Adam is the one who has to tell Eve that god said don't eat the fruit. Eve never heard god speak to her, so she was vulnerable to the snake's manipulations. She will now die because she ate it, and because she did not want Adam to take another wife, convinced him to eat it unknowingly. Funnily enough, Adam tried to explain to god that 'she lied to me and gave me the fruit' and in this actual mythology, Adam was punished for listening to his wife. Even without mentioning Lilith in the original mythology, Eve didn't want Adam to take another wife, so when we consider it within the context of Hazbin Hotel, it may be likely that's how it went down. Eve knew of Lilith, knew that she could be replaced, and decided that she would take Adam with her.

I believe that Adam does and did rely on the women in his life to help him with direction. I think Adam knows he can be an idiot and is willing to listen, even if he doesn't agree with what he's hearing. He did listen to Charlie in the beginning, he just didn't believe in her, like everyone else and he, out of anyone there, probably had the most reason not to. Cain and Abel were his and Eve's sons, his own child became the first murderer. Out of jealousy, the same kind of jealousy that no doubt has caused Lilith to act how she did. Adam isn't going to have empathy for sinners. His family, his legacy, were filled with the original sinners. He probably had to kill his son Cain in hell during the first exterminations. What do you think he would have had to feel, if it came to be a fact that sinners could be redeemed? That maybe his son, could've been redeemed? Or any of his progeny for that matter? How did it feel when his sons, his progeny, weren't given the same mercy as the Hellborn that Lucifer managed to keep protected through some deal with the angels or god? Not to mention that Charlie could've been his daughter. Charlie is the product of the people who completely and totally destroyed the paradise he'd been born into. She's the daughter who is protected and immune from the slaughter while all of his sons and daughters are judged and killed. I believe, even though he was a dickish prankster to Charlie, he was surprisingly patient and even somewhat amicable, willing to even ask her how her weekend was like he was just trying to get to know her.

Adam could just see all of the angels under his employ as being disposable. He doesn't have to name them, or think about them in any individual fashion. But, he knows Vaggie, recognized her instantly. Thought she was badass. Lute's the one who saw her, tore her wings off, and walked away. I'm surprised they even let her live, because this just goes against everything they're doing. They're an army and they saw one of their own showing empathy to the enemy.

Look at this dumb ass. He's being a shit-head, a dick, a bastard. But, he admires Vaggie's ability to pull Charlie, congratulates her, this dude isn't even judging her for being a lesbian. I don't think it's because he objectifies women, this dude loves women, he just does. He respects fellow vagina lovers. I don't think he respects liars in the slightest though. He's being underhanded, he's trying to be manipulative (he's not very good at it). I think he's brutally open and honest about everything and that's probably one of the reasons he's such a bastard anyways, because sometimes you just need to shut-up and he's not good at that.

I don't think he respects Sera for that either, he's more than willing to let others know what the hell he's doing, but under Sera's lead, he can't be open about it. I don't think it's his jam to act this way, it's why he sucks so bad at it and I think that's why Lilith is so antithetical to him. I also think that's why he's possibly even being manipulated.

It's kind of crazy that Adam is the only one who tries to come up with what allows someone to get into heaven. So here's his list: 1. Act Selfless: Maybe at one point he was! He had to have been, to be one of the progenitors of mankind, he would have had to work, sacrifice, and give to his wife and children for them all to survive. Eve would have had to do the same, no doubt. He may not seem selfless, due to his raunchy behavior, but he's served heaven since he's been there. He's served humanity in some kind of facet. 2. Don't Steal: Considering the only other humans are his spawn, he likely had to try and get them to not steal from one another for them all to have an equal opportunity of survival. He and Eve likely both knew they would need to work together to survive.

3. Stick it to the man: This, however, is interesting. Who is 'The Man' he speaks of? God? The only other people over him or were equal to him were women. He speaks like a rocker, and I think in this case he's using the term 'The Man' in a gender neutral way. I think he allowed some amount of Authority to Lilith when they were supposed to be seen as equals, it comes so naturally to him as a character when it comes to the other women he's been interacting with. I think she is the 'man' that he's been sticking it to- Pun somewhat intended. ((This third one may also simply be a tongue in cheek reference to when Alex Brightman played Dewey in School of Rock on Broadway! Thank you to the user who brought this to my attention!))

Adam is a bit of a hypocrite, isn't he? He likes to fuck, he's made that abundantly clear. Full of lust you could say. It was his original purpose after all, and he is judging Angel Dust for something he probably would've done himself at one point or has considered doing (maybe not the having sex with men part). Angel Dust does all of these things, Adam doesn't even deny it. He even looks nervous. He's angry, but doesn't deny that Angel has done those things. He doesn't explain it away or try to lie or move the goal posts, he's just asking what is an actually very valid question.

Why isn't Angel Dust there if he can do things equal to what Adam himself hasn't done? Serenity continues that line of thought. It isn't until Charlie is realizing no one knows what it takes to get into heaven.

Adam is more than willing to let Lute take the lead here, he's willing to give her the stage to clap back, he's giving her back-up antics. By all means, they could be pushing and fighting one another, there could easily be body language expressing something other than their general comfort around one another. They aren't fighting for a spotlight like you'd expect Adam to try and do considering his egotistical attitude.

Adam fucking sucks at keeping his mouth shut and he sucks at lying. He nearly blew the secret out of the bag once, this time, Sera is the only one who tries to stop him and to be honest? Lute looks a bit too thrilled at it. He knows he fucked up, but he doesn't think it's a big deal that anyone would know. For fucks sake, they've already condemned souls, his progeny, to suffer. What's the big deal if he kills them?

I have to re-iterate what's happening here. Charlie is proud she caused this chaos, that she caused these angels to fight amongst themselves, even if in this case it's a good thing. But, this is like history repeating itself to Adam, the reflection of his ex-wife, entering his domain, causing strife among his people, being happy about it.

And the venom he expresses when it comes to the 'liar' portion, god Alex Brightman destroyed when he got to this portion specifically. There is some vehement disgust in his tone when he says liar.

Adam isn't a good person now. But, I think he used to be a good person. By all means, Adam himself could've been the first murderer when his wife made her mistake. He, at one point in time, had to have been good enough to foster civilization itself with Eve. Both good and bad. Adam's original purpose was to be fruitful and multiply. Ordained by god (or maybe just angels) himself, divine power directed and created him to fuck. He didn't chase his ex-wife down, he was given a new one, Lilith was allowed to leave. When he left things alone, when he tried to move on, his ex-wife and a scorned angel destroyed the paradise he was in with Eve. He had to struggle and toil, he had to feel shame in his own body. He had to find out his first born son was the first murderer. His second son killed. We don't know if this is going to be canon in the story, a lot has changed, and if Adam is the first soul who reached heaven, then what did happen to Abel? Was Abel considered a sinner? Or did Cain kill Abel after Adam had passed? Either way, he had to witness his children kill, he had to watch his descendants behave in a range from saints and monsters. He's seen genocides, he's seen famine, war. Adam is desensitized to the plights of his descendants. Maybe he even saw it as a duty to cleanse the universe of their existence at one point, because they were his responsibility.

At the end of this episode, he is properly scolded by Sera and does seem ashamed of himself. He isn't huffy, he is reminded that he should be ashamed of acting that way.

I love Lute's enthusiasm, she's absolutely brutal when talking about Vaggie and with how she handled Vaggie. I think it's funny that Lute is so brutal she's even made Adam uncomfortable. It's cute that he's made uncomfortable by the excitement and all he does is tell Lute, the premier hype woman over here, to chill. She's so proud of herself too, look at her.

He fully expects these exorcist bad bitches to go in there and fuck shit up. But, you know it's hilarious that he's throwing horns? This dude, this angel. First human soul in heaven, loving rock n' roll, the devil's music, and throwing motherfucking horns. It's poetic really. I think we can probably assume where things are going.

Now, this is the first point we've seen Adam being a real piece of shit to Lute. I don't think Adam likes it when people think he's too dumb to notice something, especially something so damn obvious. This is such a drastic moment of vitriolic, uncontrolled anger directed towards Lute. Adam knows he isn't the brightest tool in the shed. He likely knows he's obtuse and misses shit. It's why he sucks at lying, he knows he's not smart. That is why I think he's afforded women opportunities to direct him without fighting back against their advice and their choices. I'm sure Lilith made it obvious how dumb she thinks Adam is. I'm wondering if this might be where their ground breaking fight might've come from. Who's to say he didn't allow Lilith to take the lead, or listen to her like he's done with Lute here and now? Perhaps to an even greater point? He listened to Eve and ate from the fruit of knowledge and he was punished for it. Being seen as so dumb he can't formulate a simple fact is a sore spot for him.

Adam is incredibly powerful. It took a bit out of him to exercise that power, probably because he's out of practice just like Lucifer said. At one point, he probably wasn't so sloppy and weak willed. He's gotten lazy. Sloth like.

I think it got real personal here. How viscerally and personally he attacked Charlie. No one but Charlie truly thought sinners could be redeemed, or that they were even worth it. Not even one of the original sinners. Maybe he never considered the possibility, maybe what happened really did make him see the world as black and white to cope with that happened to him, his wife, his children. Charlie's desire to fight this idea would destroy the foundation for all of his coping through the years. He stopped seeing them as family, even though he's grandiose about his founding role in humanity. Does that itch the guilt that may lurk under the surface?

I don't think Adam thought much of Charlie at all. I don't think he had any intention of coming to kill her in the beginning, despite seeing her, despite who her parents were. But, I think with the constant push, with how eager she was to disrupt the pre-conceived idea of order, it reminded Adam and reflected her parents so much, he was eager to kill her for revenge against them. I think this electrical interference on the mask is a direct reflection of sin. Namely, wrath, in this moment.

Now, this. THIS. Is something that made me want to write this whole fucking essay. Is Lucifer implying that he not only gave Eve the Fruit from the tree of knowledge, but FUCKED HER TOO? Homies, I'm sorry but holy shit. That is some hydrating tea. I'd be pretty pissed too, fucked over twice by women who were supposed to be literal soul mates, who you were made for, who were made for you?

I knew he would have a goatee, I could almost hear it. I gotta say, I'm a sucker for how he looks. I think he's hot. He is a bastard, but so are a lot of the hot dudes in this show. It's just a theme.

This exact series of lines prompted so many of the thoughts that I had about Adam and why he thinks or acts the way he does. At one point, Adam did have to work himself to the bone and learn to survive from scratch alongside Eve. He isn't entirely without cause to not think that he deserves some respect or recognition from his descendants.

But, that doesn't give him the right to act like god himself. It's... well... Blasphemous. Isn't it? One of the worst sins is to think yourself to be worthy of worship, as if you're a god.

This is the moment that gave me empathy for them both. You could probably see the kind of loving person Adam could have been at one point with how he looks at Lute, even as he's laying there, dying. He's not crying like a bitch, just looking at Lute softly. Lute screaming for him, screaming his name. They cared for each other deeply.

And this... and this.... and this. WHAT DEAL DID YOU MAKE, LILITH? Did you make it with Sera? Did you make it with Adam? Did you make it with Lute? Did you really just want a little 'vacay' away from the hell you helped create? Left her husband, depressed and lonely. Left her daughter without any care or guidance. Maybe Alastor was sent in her place, perhaps? Seven years since he was seen after all, but why wouldn't he show up sooner if Lilith did care? Did she make a deal with Lute and Adam? Did she let Adam smash it so she could stay in heaven? Did Lute let her stay in exchange for getting Adam out of a position of power? Or was it maybe Sera who commissioned Lilith with a deal? Either way, I'm in full belief that it wasn't Adam's idea to move the extermination day up. I think he's a patsy, a scapegoat. I think Lute may have been manipulated, potentially, into manipulating Adam into this position. Was it even really Adam who came up with the idea to do the exterminations? Or was he the one who simply decided to fight originally because he was told heaven was at risk due to Lilith's rising power? The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions. I think it could be any number of these. Either way, Lute certainly does think she had authority over Lilith. Is it Lute just having hubris? Or is Lilith truly bound, just like Alastor, Husk, and Angel Dust?

Of course, now that we know a soul can be redeemed... and we certainly know that angels can fall. I don't think this will be the last we see of Adam.

[queenie-avenue]

Live fast, die young, bad boys do it well.

💌 ⤻ CLARKE MEADOWS, THE HOCKEY PLAYER

—> he's loved the ice since he was a kid, but maybe he can love you too.

⤻ reader is female, yandere behaviour, possessive behaviour, thoughts of killing, small gore, obsessive behaviour, suggestive themes, mentions of alcohol, set in a university (all 18+), identity crisis moment lolol, [h/n] is hobby name

The first time he met you was at a party. He couldn't exactly remember what you were doing, you were one of those people that were irrelevant to him. Whether you were dancing with your friends and screaming to the music of the party or slumped in a corner, restless and alone, he didn't know. All he knew was that some people talked about you and he registered your name into one of those in his mind.

He was an asshole like that, he supposed. Or maybe he didn't care. He didn't care because his only care in the world, should be Hockey.

His Father was a hockey player and he wanted to live up to that expectation. He wanted to surpass him in both fame and skill and that was his whole identity. His identity was tied to this sport.

His friends? People from his hockey team.

His girlfriends? Didn't really have any, but his requirement for being his girlfriend was that she needed to always come to watch his games.

Even his popularity was all intrinsically tied to his sport. Everyone knew him as the guy who became Captain of the Hockey team in just one year of joining.

The guy who everyone knew would be in the big leagues, up there with Nathan MacKinnon and Seth Jones.

He was so close to being signed on with a team.

Everything was about hockey, before everything became about you.

✧ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ✧

Sure, Clarke Meadows knew about you. But he didn't know about you.

Not until that day you stumbled on him inside one of the rooms of the frat house he was in. You had simply wanted to take a piss somewhere and since the toilets not connected to the bedrooms were all taken, probably from pent-up teenagers and people who were vomiting from all the alcohol and decided to take your luck and pray no one was inside blowing each other's backs out.

Even if they were, you honestly could overlook it for the sake of being able to finally relieve yourself.

That's when you stumbled upon his sad self.

He sprawled onto the bed, a spilled bottle of beer falling from his hands with a soft clink before rolling to the other bottles of miscellaneous alcohol strewn all over the floor. Your first instinct was to be worried because with the amount this dude was drinking, he could be suffering from food poisoning.

You made your way towards him and sat on the bed. "Hey, hey!" You called out, trying to wake him up by shaking him, worried that he had passed out or even worst, died.

He groaned and swatted your hands away like a baby being disturbed. "What the hell do you want?" He growled out, surprisingly hostile when he had always been somewhat polite to everyone around him. Just as he didn't know you, you didn't know him.

"Are you okay?" You asked, irregardless of his tone.

"Fuck... yes, I'm fine!" He snapped at you, covering his face as you noticed something sparkling in the dim lighting of the room. Tears? "Just quit being so loud." He told you. He must have drunk a lot for your whispers to be considered loud in his ears.

"No one drinks that much or starts crying when they're drunk because they're fine." You retorted as you watched him wipe away the tears on his face before sitting up. His drunk eyes focused on you, on your blurry figure and body. But your face seemed to be the clearest of them all. Your eyes, your lips, your eyebrows and cheekbones, everything shone as bright as the sun.

"You wouldn't get it." He said.

"Try me." You didn't know why you said that.

And perhaps out of drunken vulnerability, he replied, even when he didn't know why he did it. "Just... what am I supposed to do with my life?" He murmured.

You raised an eyebrow at his words. Wasn't he like some popular hockey dude? "Your hockey, I guess? I heard you like it." You said, completely forgetting about your need to pee.

"No, I don't- I don't know what I want. Besides my hockey, what else do I have?" He asked and your eyes widened at his words. What else did you know about Clarke Meadows beside his hockey skills? You tried to think. He liked hockey... he was popular and... yeah, you couldn't think, especially with all that alcohol stocked up in your mind.

"You have free will, you know." You reminded him.

"But then, my hockey." He slurred, like a baby.

"Is anyone holding you at gunpoint to only play hockey?" You asked.

"N-no." He murmured, as if his eyes have been opened.

"Then try new things, see where it takes you." You said as you dusted your skirt off and sighed. "No one can force you to do things you don't want to do."

"But I do like hockey." Oh my God, you wanted to just smack him over the head right now, he was acting like such a baby. "I love it. It's my whole life." You almost felt jealous of the sport. No one had ever said 'I love you' in such a way to you before.

"You can love different hobbies. We aren't like robots tuned into one thing. I like [h/n], but I also like [h/n]." You informed him. His dark blue eyes pierced into your [e/c] ones and you paused just to admire him. Gods, was he pretty. He was such a pretty boy it almost made you feel jealous that his face wasn't yours. "An- anyway," you felt embarrassed for imparting advice when you weren't even that smart, "just think about it. I'm not forcing you to try new stuff either. Ultimately, it's your choice." You flustered and eventually went to the bathroom after remembering your urges.

When you came out, he was already gone.

✧ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ✧

For the next few days, you felt eyes on you. Dark blues one, but you didn't know that. You stopped going home alone every night after your later classes and you started carrying pepper spray with you as an extra precaution. Yet, every time you turned around, you couldn't see anyone following you.

You even felt it when you were resting in the university's courtyard.

Of course, as the readers of this fic knows, it was Clarke Meadows.

Sure, your words were cheesy and kind of cringe but you made him feel seen, outside of his talents. Maybe it was by accident, but in the world, there were no accidents, just fate. And he decided that it was fate to have met you and be comforted by you. You didn't need to do this but you did anyway, and he had grown completely smitten for you.

He collected a pen that fell from your bag, he bought perfumes, shampoos, body wash, conditioners that smelled like you just so he could wash himself with them and convince himself the scent was from his dreams of cuddling next to you. He collected the trash that you threw, putting them in a ziplog bag like a complete freak and dumpster diver. He followed you home to ensure no unsavoury people were stalking you... which was ironic. He even kept watch for you whenever he could during your lunch times.

When you talked to another person, he thought of all the different ways he could slam his hockey stick into their head or shins. He imagined how it would be like to be bloody and have you wipe away the red. He wanted to kiss you while he enveloped you in the blood of his rivals.

But for now, he'd be a silent protector, by your side.

"Don't worry, my saviour, I'll keep you safe."

[julietsbody]

the last days of judas iscariot — luke castellan + reader : betrayal hurts the saints the most. 

tags : mdni, dark!luke, angry kissing, religious imagery & symbolism, body worship, angst and smut, love confessions, p in v sex, corruption kinks, implied blood kink, hints of cannibalism

there was something off about luke castellan. 

he used to be caring, sweet and selfless— he did everything for the people around them, offered them smiles even if it was difficult on his lips, did anything to ease their pain, built himself up into a saint. but eventually, saints will fall, whether it be their own doing, or a martyrdom. 

this was no martyrdom, he was not crucified, strung up on an olive tree, nor stoned. 

this was a conscious decision that nobody else, besides his own self, would understand. it was so, so unlike him, luke was never one to betray the people around him, well, at least he didn’t portray himself that way. if you really knew luke, you’d know how much he hated the gods, he felt as though he was a despicable creation of theirs, and he’ll return the same despising looks. 

but the story starts days before that, luke was as he always was. he offered you a smile from across the training field, and you returned it full - heartedly, waving at him. he moves to approach you, ignoring his sparring partner, “hey, do you need a partner?” 

you glance around for a second, “don’t you already have one?” 

his lips curve to a smirk, “i’d rather be with you.” 

luke castellan had a thing for flirting with you, even if he was just being a tease, and didn’t entirely mean what he said— sometimes you thought he didn’t, or he never did, but in all honesty, he meant everything. 

he admired you beyond proper comprehension, and you did the same with him. having been friends for years, it was no shock when your gazes would linger on each other for longer than they should, when he would do anything to make you smile even if it costs him his reputation. 

on the first day, luke was as he always was, confident, grinning and sweet. 

then the second day came, and luke’s smiles began to fade faster, he looked more tired, there was a certain mournful air that clung to his skin and radiated off of him. you picked up on it immediately, frowning at him and pulling him off to the side even when he was busy, “are you okay?” 

“what?” his saliva feels thick in his mouth, like globs of nectar that feel poisonous underneath their sweet skin. 

“i said— luke, what’s going on?“ you can’t deny how he seems to be out of order on everything, he was even fighting angrier, too, with a revengeful glint in his eye. 

“i really, really don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“yes, you do.” 

and it only got weirder from there, on the third day, he looked straight up exhausted, like he hadn’t slept the past two nights, and now he was being told to take a break from sword fighting because of how rough he was being. smiles were common from him now but cut off quick, and laughs became rare. he wasn’t trying to make anyone else around him smile or laugh, and he always just looked angry, guilty angry. 

when you waved at him, he didn’t wave back, nor approach you. 

he didn’t want to speak to anyone, so he just didn’t talk. 

he’s suffering from something, you just don’t know what, and whenever you asked him, he shrugged it off with, “i’m just tired.” 

“i know, you look really tired, luke, do you need melatonin?” 

his teeth grit together, and the taste of nectar in his mouth had disappeared, now it was all just bitter poison, “i need to be left alone.” 

“luke—“ 

“please leave me be.” 

if anyone were to ask you now, they’d know you regret leaving that night, not forcing him to speak about it with you. the next night, another camper told you about what luke had done, and you hate the way you don’t feel entirely shocked, not even a little bit, not even at all. 

luke castellan had a fig tree branching out in front of him, so many possibilities, so many stories to be told, and yet his fingers wrapped around the only rotten fruit on the whole ripe tree. two thousand years ago, there was a man exactly like luke, one who went by the name judas, and in luke’s complete distaste of the bible and anything to do with it— he found himself undeniably following the same path of the man who betrayed jesus. 

“ i desire the things

that will destroy me

in the end ”

  — sylvia plath. 

it was a bad idea to seek out luke that night, you knew it well, and luke knew it too when he frowned at you almost immediately after seeing you. he was still in the woods, only alone now, closer to the shore, closer to the riper fig that called his name— the one labeled captain. 

“why are you here?“ his tone is sharper, harsher, but you don’t shy away. 

“why’d you do it?” you watch him visibly swallow at the question, as if he doesn’t want to answer it, even when it’s on the tip of his tongue, but for some reason it would hurt to say out loud. 

he bites the bullet, “you know— the gods, they’re awful, don’t you think they deserve this?“ 

“is that where your heart lies?” the question seems to scorch his skin more than the last, because it’s just a continuous waking to what he’s truly done, how the prophecy haunts him even in his desperate attempts to evade it. 

“i’ve suffered enough, because of them, because of him— so yes, that is where it lies.” 

“you think your suffering is just a one way street?” you pester, anger bubbling in your veins— this was selfish, entirely selfish, he was never the selfless man you once knew, this wasn’t the luke you knew, “it’s not, it wasn’t— you had the chance, luke, to deprive yourself from it.” 

“are you just here to lecture me?” luke’s jaw locks. 

“why are you being like this?” 

luke’s eyebrow twitches, as if he’s mentally debating saying it out loud, but albeit all odds, his lips part, “why don’t you ask that guy you’ve been hanging out with?” 

“what?” it’s hard to realize certain things when you’ve been so focused on one person, you were so caught up on your fears for luke you didn’t even realize that the whole time you were thinking of him, you were blatantly speaking with another man in front of his eyes. 

to the trained eye, they’d know you never had any real feelings for the man you spoke with, but luke was too blinded by his own guilt and resentment that he didn’t realize it himself. it was a wild string of miscommunications formed into a single spider’s web, exactly like judas’ betrayal of jesus. 

INTERLUDE : JUDAS ISCARIOT ( A STUDY ) 

judas iscariot is often portrayed as the traitor in the story, fueled by greed and his resentment that jesus has something he never will. in the original story, judas is put in the narrative as satan’s pawn, judas’ fate is already written down, and he has no way of pushing it back. satan selects him from a group as he is weak, easily moved, and satan had possessed him body and soul and lived out his personal purpose through the vessel. 

the son of perdition : the one doomed to destruction. 

god personally protected all of his other saints from satan, so why not judas? why was judas never enough? was he never righteous enough to be saved? jesus loved him, jesus held his face in his holy hands, and yet he never shielded him. 

judas is a pawn, a thief, a coward, and a denier of the lord. 

judas, in all fairness, is the spitting image of luke castellan. 

“is it ever anybody else, luke?” 

as if arrow met skin, luke’s brows furrow together like you’ve hit him. 

there’s a pause, a deafening silence. 

“i miss you,” you speak again. 

luke’s nose crinkles, “uh-huh.” 

“i miss you, luke.” 

luke castellan is going to hell tonight, he’s going to be scorched in the underworld, so he bites his tongue and he moves in. the kiss is angry, teeth clashing, tongues twisting, lips bruising, but luke wouldn’t want it any other way. he wonders that if, in this kiss, do you forgive him? having been someone praised by the gods, the favored one, did you forgive the one who seemingly betrayed them to most? 

the kiss says how could you? and i’m sorry at the exact same time. 

his hands are quick to grip on your skin like you were his lifeline, tugging you in closer, and smiling against your lips when you melt into his touch so easily. you knew how cruel of a man he was, all the things he did wrong, all the people he had hurt— and yet you’re easing against him like he’s a saint. 

his teeth show his hunger well, nipping at your lip until you hiss and pull away with blood bubbling from a fresh wound. at first, he wants to smile, but he finds some mercy, moving his hand to hold your chin, thumb smudging the blood, “‘m sorry, didn’t mean to, swear.” 

you knew he was lying, you knew he wanted to see you bleed, he liked the way your skin trembled under his touch, the way that even when shock dilates your pupils— you don’t want to pull away from him. in fact, something about it is oddly attractive to you, how sick is that. 

his other hand grips your waist, fingers curling cruelly, “could i..” 

undress you? touch you? luke isn’t sure of the proper words, they sit on the tip of his tongue, but something has him too afraid to say it so bluntly. that’s ironic, considering he didn’t hesitate to steal and lie. luke was still the loser he’s always been, deep down, he’s never known how to actually speak to women. 

you knew this well, it was something you always made fun of him for, but now you only smile sweetly at him. “of course, luke.” 

luke’s hands are desperate when they move to take off your clothes, quick and ruthless, but still so caring at the same time. it was confusing with luke, everything he did had two different sides that would merge together in an unlikely unison. harsh and gentle, bitter and sweet, mean and kind. 

his brows furrow when he dips in, pressing his lips to the skin of your neck, pushing you back into the scratching bark of the tree behind you. adam and eve, right after the bites of the apple offered to them. luke wants to sink his teeth into you, to bite until he draws blood, to devour you whole and call you his. 

that’s… normal, right? 

he doesn’t care, he’s only focused on the shallow breaths that pass by your lips with every scrape of his teeth on the skin being pulled between his lips. his fingers lead themselves further, dipping below the waistband of your underwear and further until you’re gasping and gripping at his wrist. 

“luke.. luke,” you plead, whimpering out for his fingers to have some mercy on your clit— luke ignores you, focused on the pleasure that’s coursing underneath your skin. he memorizes the thump of your pulse against his lips on your neck, the way it speeds up when his fingers dare to graze your entrance. you want it so bad, and it’s taking everything in luke to not be a cocky asshole about it. 

he eventually pulls away from your neck to admire his work, “have you always wanted me to touch you like this?” 

there’s something so poetic about someone who has betrayed the gods you love the most, ruining you. you truly could be awarded for how much you worshiped them, so unlike to everyone around you. they thought their parents were like anybody else, albeit just a little cooler, but you— you felt like a prophet. 

maybe you were, maybe luke was. 

maybe when the oracle whispered the prophecy she mentioned the fall of a saint, and the way he tugged another down with him. 

you look at him fondly, lips parted and puffy from biting, “always.. please.” 

please ; a simple plea, but it makes luke grin like a devil. his eyes follow your hands when you move to undo his belt, tugging at his jeans as if his fingers aren’t making your knees buckle. luke licks his lips, and finally allows you some mercy when his fingers leave your underwear, although you frown from the loss of friction. “i’ll make it up to you, yeah?” 

luke’s boxers and jeans are falling to the floor in seconds, he stifles a chuckle at your shocked expression to his size, only growing cockier and cockier with each second of this ordeal. it reaches it’s peak when he’s pushing into you, hand on your thigh holding up your leg with ease. 

his nose brushes against your cheek, whispering sweet nothings in between faint grunts with each thrust. you’re so pretty, always dreamed of this, better pray the gods aren’t watching. the last comment should piss you off, but it doesn’t, not at all— in fact, it only makes you wetter, the idea that the people you have given everything for are watching you being fucked by someone who despises them. 

his free hand moves up to your neck, wrapping around the bruised skin there, and gripping it enough to barely constrict your air flow. 

due to the choking, and the force of his thrusts, along with all his taunting words, it doesn’t take long for you to cum on his dick— and he doesn’t last long either. 

he finds himself panting against you, slowly pushing out. 

“you really should pray for forgiveness.” 

[dreamdazedworld]

YINGXING BRAINROT

Synopsis: Yingxing x Genshin! Youkai! Gender neutral Reader and the both of them are hopelessly in love.

Note(s): I was listening to 愛き夜道 on Spotify when I suddenly got this idea, now it won’t leave me alone. Anyways, I think that this is the first post I actually wrote, so yippie? Eat up, my children, you won’t be having these Yingxing crumbs for some while. This might actually turn into a full blown fic, though it depends on my motivation LOL

Warning(s): Both of them are hopelessly in love with each other, death mentioned (nothing serious, dw), oops now you have a Yandere! Blade chasing you around Teyvat

Art credit goes to my favorite artist, void/Re:era on X! Their art is really pretty, check them out if you can :o

Imagine a Genshin! Youkai! Reader who’s a fox/kitsune (like Yae), and fell in love with YINGXING, like it has all of the potential fr.

So! Of course, Reader here is from Inazuma, and their… clan (let’s all pretend that the Youkai has separate clans) feeds only on the feelings (and emotions), positive ones, to be precise, of humans (like the dementors from Harry Potter!). Negative ones are like poison to them- And the only antidote for this is the Sacred Sakura, however, there are lasting after effects. Once poisoned, the kitsune will be significantly weakened for a long period of time, ranging from a few decades to centuries on end, depending on how much the kitsune consumed.

Kitsune! Reader, unlike the others from their clan, doesn’t like feeding on humans (because it ends up driving their victim mad and they like humans). Of course they understand that it’s necessary for them to survive, they’re not dumb, they can feel their hunger growing with each day they refused to feed on humans. So, with no more options, decides to blend into human society by protecting mankind from the ‘evil’ Youkai, and occasionally feeding on people who are about to die (with guilt). Their love for humanity and stubborn determination to protect humans ends up earning them a Pyro vision that supplies them with some energy to keep them going, since visions are literally wishes with a physical shape, and wishes have positive energy.

One day, while resting on the Sacred Sakura, Reader accidentally finds out that the Sakura has clones, which are spread across multiple worlds by waking up in the Xianzhou Luofu. There, they meet young Yingxing, who’s still learning under that grandpa, when he stumbles into the area where the clone is located. There, they become friends, and as years pass, eventually drinking buddies as well. After Yingxing meets the High-Cloud Quintet and as years fade away, our dear Reader here realizes they’re hopelessly in love with….. Yingxing!? Instantly gives up on their love as soon as they realize, because they think he doesn’t see them in that light (honey, he does), and to rub salt to the wound, in love with Bai Heng, since Yingxing talks about her a lot. But of course it doesn’t go as easily as they want it to go, so the Reader just silently suffers with their emotions.

When shit starts to go down in the Quintet after Bai Heng’s death, Reader goes “Oh fuck, Yingxing’s negative energy is going to make him choose the shittiest life options, won’t it?” and starts to suck away his pain (by kissing him in his sleep because YES). Yingxing starts getting better in exchange for Reader’s health, and in the end, Reader fucking COLLAPSES, forced to go back to Inazuma to recover, Yingxing learns about everything they were keeping from him through a letter, depression hits and oh wow, Yingxing chooses the most shittiest life decision he has ever made by teaming up with Dan Feng to cause the Sedition of Imbibitor Lunae, turning him immortal, and eventually into Blade. (I forgot to mention it but only the original Sacred Sakura has the ability to heal away the poison.)

As thousands of years pass, Reader fully recovers, though not exactly since they can’t let go of Yingxing. The Sakoku degree is lifted, and everything seems fine in Inazuma, until they come across a person who they thought were already dead- You guessed it, Blade! But not just typical Blade, Yandere! Blade who is on the brink of insanity and is hellbent on bringing Reader along with him. And so, the game of cat and mouse ensues.

[sleepynoons]

nanami x afab!f!reader, nsfw, 18+, not beta read cw: unprotected sex (and he cums inside you), fingering, nipple play if you squint, squirting

notes: a half-baked attempt at a nanami char study. also, not canon, this is post-jujutsu kaisen storyline, and nanami is alive and well – physically, at least. also x2, gege akutami, idgaf about you and your updated cute cyclops cat avatar, when i get you, it's fucking over for you.

NANAMI HAS a habit of falling into silence after arguments with you.

your first fight, you interpreted his silence as stonewalling, a way to prevent the conversation from continuing so that he wouldn’t have to take any more accountability or responsibility. so, you interrogated – demanded that he say something, anything.

but, in a fragile, almost meek voice, he hoarsely responded, “i’m sorry, my love. i just… i just need time to think.”

almost instinctively, you lurched forward to embrace him. you couldn’t bear to see him in such a state any longer – eyes downcast and watery, fists balled tightly, perspiration collecting on his temples.

“take all the time you need, kento,” you reassured.

the following morning, the two of you discussed and made amends over breakfast (which he got up early to make). and nanami revealed parts of himself you had never known before.

you see, nanami takes his roles as your partner for life and, more generally, as an adult very seriously. he’s given several subject matters and issues deep thought – the jujutsu world, global affairs, mentorship, parenting, and more –, yet he still finds himself in situations he hasn’t encountered before and is stumped. he doesn’t know how to proceed, how to navigate, unable to adapt because a critical, sneering voice in his head exacerbates his immobility. 

it screams: “why don’t you know what to do!”

he’s suffering from performance anxiety, disabled from acting like the adult he should be, reminded of the fact that he was forced to grow up when he was still only a teenager, still too underprepared and incapable to handle anything independently. he can’t even prevent his own relationship from falling apart, and that’s something within his control.

and you know these thoughts still poison your husband’s mind today. even though he’s no longer a sorcerer, and the both of you have moved to kauntan, malaysia, they will probably plague him for the rest of his life, fueled by his regrets and grief.

it’s obviously frustrating for you. but you’re also an adult, and you’re no stranger to regrets or grief yourself. unlike nanami, however, you’re more optimistic, even arguably whimsical and idealistic. just as there is so much pain and suffering in the world, there is also love and comfort. and you’d like to be a source of that support for nanami, standing right beside him as you both move forward, learning to seek and appreciate joy while living with sadness and mourning.

so after every heated conversation (because the two of you have resolved to never fight again), you stay true to your words and remind your husband just how far-reaching and unconditional your love is.

you’re seated on his lap and cupping his face in your palms.

“kento, look at me,” you whisper as you search for his eyes. nanami always gets so shy when you do this. you coax again, “kento, just let me say what i have to say, alright?”

“you don’t have to do this every time,” he mutters, though you know he doesn’t mean it.

“i’ll keep this up until you stop avoiding me.”

with that, he acquiesces. he peers at you, a little nervous and hesitant.

“kento, remember,” you begin, “when we argue, it doesn’t mean i want to break up with you.” kiss. “it doesn’t mean i hate you.” kiss. “it doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person.” you pepper a few more pecks, scattering them across his cheekbones, chin, and the spot right between his eyebrows. “it’s natural” – and you stress this – “for us to disagree and be annoyed at each other because we are not the same person. we both know what to do better on, and that’s that, yeah?”

nanami grunts in agreement, and you happily reward him with a longer smooch on his lips before you finish, “you’re the love of my life, kento, and nothing will change that. i hope you come to believe that.”

he blushes at your confession and mumbles a soft “i love you” in response.

content with your work, you start to sit up, preparing to slide off of nanami’s lap. however, nanami’s hands fly up to square your hips, preventing you from leaving.

“kento?” you ask. he doesn’t say anything, simply takes one of your hands and presses it against his growing bulge. you let out a soft sound of surprise.

“this is incredibly indecent of me,” he mumbles. “i just… need to show you how grateful i am for you.”

it’s your turn to melt at his words. heat floods your face, and you nod enthusiastically, earning a light giggle from your husband.

nanami leans forward to kiss you, gentle presses of his lips to yours. his left hand has bunched your nightgown to give his right access to the tops of your thighs and your core. his right hand caresses, almost tickles, the sensitive skin of your legs, palming and squeezing them as he feels you. he continues to travel upward, reaching to play with the fringes of your underwear. your whimper is swallowed by him as well, as he sneaks his tongue into your mouth, transitioning the kiss into a full-blown makeout.

he traces your folds and lines through your panties, his fingertips poking at the wet spot that is starting to dampen the lace and cotton. just his sheer touch is enough to make you keen, transform into a whimpering mess that only wants more, more, all of him. as a result, you pull away, translucent spit connecting and stretching out before it’s broken apart as you take off your nightgown and throw it behind you. nanami also strips himself of his shirt, before the two of you crash back together and resume kissing and mouthing and moaning.

nanami’s hands continue to work magic on your body – circling around and then tugging and twisting at your puffy nipples, shifting your panties to the side and inserting a thick finger into your squelching hole. throwing caution and embarrassment to the wind, he even becomes a little forceful and only gives you a brief moment to adjust before he shoves two more fingers in, forcing your pussy to take in three at once.

you can only throw your head back, whining his name, pressure and pleasure making you drool.

“sorry, dearest, i’m usually more careful than this,” he grunts through gritted teeth. his cock is still stuck in the confines of his pajama pants, and he knows he should give you more time. but, after a few more seconds, he has to pull his cock out, slip his fingers out of you, and align his tip with your entrance.

“i need it,” you sob, your hands gripping tightly onto his shoulders.

“are you sure?” you firmly nod your head, leaving him no choice but to stuff you full.

the stretch is delicious. honeyed. syrupy. your walls welcome him, and you feel your heart fill with so much warmth. the two of you are so clearly in love, heart eyes locked onto each other’s, even as nanami ruts into you and your nipples sing as they graze against his chest. you’re panting each other’s names, finding some way – any way – to get even closer, prove that physicality could never impede the joining of your souls. your thighs trap the sides of nanami’s legs, and your husband has lowered his hands to cup your ass to better bounce you up and down on his cock. every rock stretches you out even more, allowing him to sink even deeper into you.

you yelp, “kento! i – hah – love! you!” even though you’re short of breath, you try your best to say it over and over again, desperately hoping that nanami can get a glimpse of just how much you cherish him.

he gasps, “you just – never stop giving.” nanami knows he will never be able to string words together the way you do, intonate them with such profound adoration and admiration like you do. so the least he can do is show you.

he embraces you fully, arms moving up to wrap around your chest and torso, and hugs you closely as he thrusts up, punching air out of you so that you’re totally out of breath. he’s giving you everything he has because never has he felt so moved in his life. he just wants to give you everything, and if he can give you even a taste of ecstasy, he’ll be able to sleep soundly by your side tonight.

you’re fucked out, mouth lolling open, and because you’ve lost even the strength to hold your head up, you rest yourself in the crook of nanami’s neck.

“i’m close,” you whisper. dutifully, nanami nods, gives you a swift kiss on the cheek, and hammers even harder into you. each sheathe of his cock is a force to be reckoned, and in no time, you feel yourself squirting all over, losing yourself to the sensation of being enclosed by nanami’s body, heat, and devotion. nanami follows shortly thereafter, sucking heavily on your collarbone as he fills you up, up, up with his cum, a promise to remind you for day’s to come that he will always give you himself over to you, over and over again, everyday if you so pleased.

as the two of you rest, he looks down at you and waits for you to come back to him. and when you do, he musters his courage because, while words may always fail him, he will always try his best for you. “i love you more than you know,” he promises, voice laced with blissful exhaustion, and kisses you once again.

[7s3ven]

okay I feel like you would be the perfect person to write this request! Obviously you don’t have to write it if you don’t want to :)it and idea for a Luke castellan x reader (and spoilers for the books/series if you haven’t read the books or know the plot!)

Is there anyway you’d be interesting in writing a Luke x reader where they’re a daughter of Poseidon fic where he betray the reader and like poisons them instead of percy but reader and Luke where in a relationship??? Idk mad woman by Taylor’s swift like opening lyrics give off that sort of vibe sorry if this makes no sense 😭

THE WAY I GASPED AND SHOUTED "THAT'S EVIL". Nahhh, poor Y/N. I feel so bad for the suffering I'm going to put her through...

( master list )

POISON AND TOXIN. luke (pjo)

IN WHICH... Luke commits the unthinkable and Y/N no longer wants any part in his life. Unfortunately for her, Luke isn’t ready to let her go.

"I'm takin' my time, takin' my time. 'Cause you took everything from me. Watchin' you climb, watchin' you climb over people like me."

Warnings : spoilers, details will differ (I haven’t read the books in ages), obsessive love, yandere! luke, kidnapping, angst, betrayal, toxic relationship, mentions of sex, manipulation, y/n + luke know they’re toxic but they can’t stay away from each other

—

The last few days without Percy had been uneventful to say the most. Y/N groaned as she slowly sat up, clutching her aching head. The pain was pounding against her skull, causing her to quietly scoff. She groggily reached for a bottle of pills beside her bed, taking one to relieve the pressure.

The harsh light from the sun seared into the room and she groaned, squinting her eyes to protect them.

“Another late night, Y/N?” Harmon, a boy from the Apollo cabin, called out as she exited her cabin to breathe in the morning air. He jogged over to a swaying Y/N.

“Yeah. It doesn’t feel right without Percy.” Y/N groaned, running a hand through her untidy hair. She probably looked like a mess right now but with all the thoughts rushing through her mind, she didn’t care.

It felt wrong without Percy. All those years alone had done some damage on her and it had been exciting to have someone new in her cabin, for a little while at least. While Percy occupied the bed in the corner of the dusty room, Y/N’s nightmares came to a temporary halt. She was happy for the time being, her dreams filled with pretty flowers and romantic settings instead of chilling monsters and bony hands threatening to drag her to the bottom of the ocean.

“How’s Luke?” Harmon questioned, causing Y/N to heave an annoyed sigh. She rolled her E/C sighed, scowling.

“As distant as ever.” She sneered. She lifted her head, making eye contact with the one person they were talking about. Y/N held strong eye contact with Luke before glancing back to Harmon, smiling at him. “Have you had breakfast yet?” She questioned, tilting her head to the side. “Do you know if there’s any food left?”

“There might be. You woke up pretty late.” Harmon grinned.

“I will see you later, then. I have to make myself look presentable and not like a raccoon that just crawled out of a garbage can.” Y/N laughed at her own joke as she waltzed back into her cabin, kicking the door closed. She hummed under her breath as she pulled the crop top she slept in off, replacing it with her bra and the bright orange shirt she hated so much.

She quietly yelped when her door creaked open, thinking it was someone else. She felt a little relieved when it was only Luke. He stood there in all his glory, arms folded over his chest and a look on his face that suggested he wasn't happy at all. "What was that?" He questioned, sitting down on Y/N's bed as she looked at him in confusion.

"Uh... what?" She asked, her eyebrows furrowing. Luke scoffed at her perplexed face, not believing it for a second.

"You were flirting with that Apollo boy. You're my girlfriend, not his." Luke snapped, anger glazing over his usual kind eyes. Y/N was taken aback, staring at him with her red-tinted lips parted in surprise.

"I wasn't... what? Luke, I wasn't flirting with Harmon. He's my friend." Y/N resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she slid on a pair of pants. She could feel Luke's gaze watching her every move and wandering over her waist.

What had become of Luke? She was at camp before he even arrived and she was the one to show him around, introducing the boy to the perilous life of a demigod. Ever since that damned quest, he had been acting different. More closed-off, more secretive with someone he once shared everything with, and he let his temper get the best of him; always shouting at people and letting his anger flare up like he was Clarisse.

Annabeth could sense the change too.

"What's with you, Luke? You used to be fine with me talking to Harmon." Y/N took a careful step towards her boyfriend, not wanting to upset him even more.

"That was before he started staring at you like you were the only girl he could ever date." Luke jeered as he deeply frowned. Y/N smoothened out her messy bedsheets before taking a seat next to him.

She stared at him, not really knowing what to reply with. Her breath shuddered as she shrugged. "I guess I could... talk to him less?" She muttered, causing Luke's face to light up. He instantly smiled, pulling Y/N into a tight embrace.

"I love you." He whispered, pressing a light kiss to the side of her neck. Y/N blinked a few times, thickly gulping.

"I... I love you too, Luke." His hands felt like blistering metal on her bare arms but she couldn't find the courage to pull away, in fear he'd hurt her or leave her. Luke had never hit her, thankfully, but his words sometimes pierced her soul and he left her crying under her sheets, wondering what she had done wrong.

"I'll see you after archery, alright?" Luke ended the hug.

Y/N stared at him in confusion. "But... I thought you were teaching the newbies archery and I'd be showing someone else around?" She spluttered.

"Nah. I changed your job. Newcomer's a boy and I don't want him to get any ideas." Luke grinned and Y/N couldn't say no to his charming face. He passionately kissed her, cupping her face in his large hands to pull her closer.

"I should get going, Luke." Y/N breathed but he tugged her back.

"You can afford to leave them for a few minutes." He whispered, dragging Y/N onto his lap. She couldn't stop her cheeks from flushing bright red despite his hands harshly digging into her skin and his grip being so tight that she couldn't squirm away, even if she wanted to. Luke had no interest in whatever the new kid was saying. He kept babbling on and eventually, Luke managed to tune out his voice. The pair ended up in the arena and the boy, whose name was Gil, nudged Luke.

"Who's that?" Gil questioned, pointing at Y/N. Luke clenched his jaw and harshly cleared his throat. He placed his hands on Gil's shoulders, squeezing him tighter than needed.

"Y/N L/N." He muttered. "Pretty little thing, ain't she? She's great with archery. May as well be Apollo's daughter with that skill." Gil didn't notice the dark look in Luke's eyes, too preoccupied with craning his neck to catch another longing glimpse of Y/N. Luke cleared his throat, "The tour's over. I trust you'll be able to find the Hermes cabin by yourself?"

Gil mindlessly nodded.

Luke walked over to Y/N, tapping her on the shoulder. He kissed her cheek, making sure Gil saw his not-so-subtle advances. "What was that for?" She asked as she turned to Luke. The young demigods groaned at the sight of a couple and Y/N quietly laughed, effortlessly shushing them.

"I think you've had enough practice for today. Come back tomorrow, same time." Y/N said to the children, ushering them away. Luke slung an arm around her shoulder as they walked side by side.

"You have to stop attracting attention from other guys." Luke uttered to break the peaceful silence.

"What?" Y/N lightly gasped, offended. She glowered at Luke, quietly scoffing. "Oh, so it's my fault now?"

Luke shrugged, pressing his lips into an annoyed thin line. "I'm just saying. You wear low-waisted pants and a shirt that's too small." Y/N should have punched him for that comment but she was sure that Luke could do a lot worse to her pretty face.

"My clothes are not an invitation." Y/N quickly snapped.

"When did you start disrespectfully talking back?"

"It's hardly disrespectful, Luke. I'm simply standing up for myself. I do not condone your jealous behavior and troublesome remarks." Y/N harshly poked his chest, almost angrily baring her teeth at him. "Talk to me when you regain your senses. It's not my damn fault that you feel so threatened by other boys that you start blaming me."

Luke ran his tongue over his teeth as he watched Y/N storm off. He bit the inside of his cheek before huffing in frustration. Y/N would forgive him for his harsh and cold words in no time, she always did. Especially when he'd sneak into her cabin at night with her permission and press her hips deep into her squeaky mattress.

Y/N went to lunch furious and still fuming. A part of her wanted to wear an over-sized shirt to please Luke while the other refused to back down. What gave him the right to dictate her life while he could do whatever he wanted simply because of his gender?

Y/N was even angrier to see Luke standing at the Aphrodite table, entertaining the giggling girls who he knew had a thing for him. She gripped her fork tightly and jumped when someone slid into the seat next to her.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Y/N recognised him as the Gil boy, or whatever his name was. She raised her eyebrows as her lips curled into a slight sneer.

“Do I… know you?” She asked, “Only Poseidon kids are allowed to sit here and until my brother is back, nobody but me should be here.”

Gil quickly stood up, his knees hitting the table. “Sorry. I didn’t realise. I’ll, uh, go back to the Hermes table. Sorry, again.” He ran off while Y/N sighed. She picked at her half-eaten food before deciding she was no longer hungry. It was a rash decision but as soon as she reached the wildly dancing fire, she threw her food and plate in. Her father wouldn’t be too pleased but he could live with it.

Luke’s sharp gaze followed Y/N as she left the cheerful atmosphere. He quietly chuckled and smirked. If there was one thing that he knew about Y/N, it was that she didn’t handle jealousy too well either.

He left the Aphrodite table without an excuse, not caring about the girls drunk with love. “Hey, Y/N, honey, did that Gil kid upset you? I understand that he’s a little annoying but I can talk to him if you want.” Luke clasped his hands around her wrist, forcing her to stop walking so quickly.

“It’s not his fault!” Y/N exclaimed, spinning around. Her eyes were red and the tears welling up in her eyes shone in the dim sun. “It’s yours, Luke! You treat me like I’m some… some girl who worships the ground you walk on! Well, I don’t! I have some self-respect left. And if you want to flirt with other girls then that’s fine by me. But make sure you break up with me first because I’m not putting up with any of your bullshit.”

Luke chuckled, “Harsh words, don’t you think?” He almost jumped when Y/N let out a scream.

“You never take me seriously! All you do is play around and then you get mad at me for factors I can’t control! Yet you always brush me off when I’m trying to resolve things. You isolate me from my friends so I’m easier to mess with! Well, are you done now? Have you had enough fun?!”

“I’m not manipulating you. You’re crazy to think that. I love you, Y/N.”

“No! That’s not true! That’s a lie!” Y/N pulled at the end of her hair, “You fell in love with the idea of me! You’re in love with your version of me that lives inside your head! And then you get mad at me because I make a mistake and your Y/N isn’t supposed to make mistakes!But I’m not like her, Luke! You have pushed me too far and when I finally break, suddenly I’m the crazy one?! You always call me crazy. So guess what, maybe I am insane!” Y/N heavily panted as tears spilled over her hot cheeks, cascading down and temporarily staining her shirt. She had always been a kind soul but there was one particular flaw Y/N hated; her habit of crying whenever she was mad.

“If you won’t end our relationship then I will. We’re over, Luke. I’ve had enough of your jealousy and if you can’t accept that I have guy friends then maybe you need to think twice before attacking me.” Y/N reached up, grasping the necklace she had made Luke that hung around his neck, and yanking it off.

Luke watched in despair as the colourful beads dropped one by one to the floor, rolling under the green blades of grass. “Are you crazy?” He muttered, looking up. “You can’t leave me… I’m all you have.” He clutched his shirt, balling up the fabric, and he took long strides towards Y/N. “I made you into who you are. I created you from nothing. Before me, you were only a girl half-decent at archery. Now, you’re a prodigy. You would’ve been lost without my guidance and you have the guts to break up with me?!”

Y/N didn’t flinch, even when Luke’s voice pierced her sensitive ears. “It’s like you said, Luke. I am crazy. Breakups happen so deal with it.” She threw the remaining beads and the leather string at him before walking away, most likely to stay in the cool comforts of her cabin until Annabeth and Percy returned.

Luke could barely contain his rage and he hurriedly kneeled down to collect the beads, or at least the ones he could find.

Each bead and charm seemed to bring back a different memory of them arguing or fighting over a pointless topic. Luke sighed as he leaned his head back, knowing he had made a mistake.

But if there was one thing Luke Castellan refused to do, it was give up. So he stared at Y/N all throughout dinner. And even when Y/N made it clear that the sight of him made her sick, he still knocked on her door at night.

“Y/N.” He called out, impatiently tapping his foot against the old wood. “I’m sorry. Okay? Is that what you want to hear? I’m ready to talk everything out. I’m calm now.”

Those were the exact words he had uttered to Y/N last week, promising he would change but he never did. Y/N had learned her lesson from that, refusing to open the door and going as far as locking it.

“Y/N. You’re being unreasonable.” Luke grumbled as he desperately tried to open the door, barging into it with his shoulder. He heard Y/N laugh.

“That’s ironic considering you’re trying to break my door down.” She spoke over the hooting owls and buzzing cicadas. “You always promise you’ll change but you never do. Don’t you think it’s time to stop making empty promises?”

Luke could hear her voice waver and he felt a small pang of guilt, knowing he was the reason behind her agonising sorrow.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, not only to Y/N but to everybody he was about to hurt, even to his father who was the most wretched man in this world. He repeated his sentence, leaning his head against the door. It suddenly swung open and Luke almost crashed into Y/N whom was still gripping the door knob.

She quietly sighed, her gaze immediately spotting his mournful eyes and his lips pulled into a guiltily frown. Y/N hesitated before stepping aside.

“This is your last chance, Luke.” She mumbled but he knew she was lying. She loved him far too much to devoid herself of his charming face.

Luke smiled as he brushed past Y/N. She could never resist him, after all. In a way, Luke pitied her for being so forgiving and sick with love because she and Percy were in the most danger out of everybody, even if they couldn’t see it yet.

The day Percy returned was the day Luke decided to be a hopeless romantic. He took an unsuspecting Y/N into the woods, twirling her around a few times because she always liked dancing.

While Y/N was distracted by the babbling brook and dipping her hand in the cool water, Luke clasped his hands behind his back. He was thinking of what to do next, let Y/N to fend for herself or he could struggle to protect her.

But sacrificing so much for a mere girl seemed pointless, even if Luke was developing strong feelings for Y/N. He quickly clicked his fingers, catching Y/N’s attention. She glanced over her shoulder, her joyful smiling fading as she laid eyes on the huge pit scorpion.

She scrambled back while Luke watched her pathetic attempt at escaping.

“I wouldn’t.” He uttered, “Pit scorpions can jump fifteen feet and slice right through your clothes. You’ll be dead in sixty seconds. But, of course, you already knew that because you love reading about these creatures. That’s why you look so frightened.”

Y/N looked at Luke, searching for any kindness in his eyes to offer her mercy. There was none. His eyes were like a void, empty and dark and lacking any human emotions.

He looked nothing like her Luke who she had met on his first day of camp, scared, annoyed, and baffled at what had become of his dead friend Thalia.

“It’s a shame I have to end our relationship here. I was starting to enjoy your presence, but giving up all my hard work for you is hardly beneficial.”

“What?” Y/N spluttered, trying to kick the scorpion away. She only made it angrier and it clapped his claws at her, ignoring Luke altogether. The scorpion’s tail was raised in hostility and Y/N held back a loud shudder of fear, knowing Luke was thriving off her terror. “Luke… what are you talking about?”

He laughed as if she were an idiot. She felt like one for trusting him despite how much he hurt her. “You don’t get it, do you? I want revenge. On my father and on the gods who have forsaken their children! They don’t give a shit about us. They never did. To them, we’re just some nitwits who are stupid enough to suck up to them. I was the one who stole the bolt, Y/N. Not Hades. And I was the one who sent that hellhound after Percy.”

“Luke, I trusted you.” Y/N thickly gulped.

“A fatal mistake.”

“No. That’s our parents you’re talking about, Luke. And you wouldn’t try and kill Percy… would you? Not my brother. You know how much he means to me.” Y/N’s eyesight turned glassy as she furrowed her eyebrows.

It all made sense now. His sour mood and his bitter attitude. All those nights she spent crying over his glass sharp words. Y/N felt foolish for not noticing what he was doing, but she was far too preoccupied with saving her relationship with Luke at the time.

“What did you think I’d say to that? Join you?” Y/N huffed.

Luke’s eyes flickered to the large bug that was only getting more furious as the seconds ticked by. “Does a scorpion sting when fighting back?” He simply questioned.

Y/N’s hardened gaze bored into his soul as she answered. “They strike to kill… and you know I will too.”

Yes, Luke knew that. Y/N was an exceptional fighter with strategic moves rivalling Annabeth’s. Every carefully planned attack she dealt was like instant death. Luke knew if she had a weapon then she wouldn’t hesitate to land a blow. But he also knew she cared for him far too much to stab his chest. If he had a better weapon, would he do the same? Or spare her?

“It’s a shame you won’t join me… I know you won’t. You and your brother are too alike.” Luke let out a low hum, “I guess we’ve both changed. You used to be hungry for power. I remember you would train until the sunset with your bow and arrow, always wanting to be the best. You’d skip meals, even if you were starving, and I’d have to beg and cry for you to eat. Maybe if my father didn’t give me that quest then we would’ve been fine.”

Luke stared at Y/N for a moment before a grin broke across his face. He stepped over the furious scorpion, pressing a strong kiss to Y/N’s lips. It felt on acid on her skin, itchy and burning and painful.

“A part of me hopes you’ll survive this.” He whispered, “So you can live to see another day. I’ll create the perfect world for you… you’ll see. You’ll love me again even if I have to force the words down your throat.”

Something slipped into her pocket but Y/N’s mind was on the pit scorpion. She flinched as the it climbed up her shoe, snapping its pinchers again.

“Luke.” She breathed as he began to walk away. “Luke. Don’t leave me here! Luke!” She screeched. She would have continued screaming, even if her voice gave up and her vocal cords tore, if it meant she could spend one more day with the warm and loving Luke that she once knew.

The scorpion drove its tail into her leg and she shrieked in pain. She kicked the creature off and desperately searched around for a weapon. She found a small dagger in her pocket, realising that’s what Luke must’ve given to her.

Y/N sliced the scorpion, panting as the world become a confused hazed. She stabbed the creature over and over again until it was nothing but a gruesome corpse of a once terrifying bug.

Y/N limped towards the water but she stumbled, falling to her knees. The toxin was spreading through her blood quickly. She desperately reached out a hand for the creek water, knowing it could possibly heal her. Making it in time to camp would be impossible with her blurring eyesight and inability to walk properly. She’d have to drag her stung leg behind her.

Y/N clawed her way towards the water before her body gave in to the poison. Her limbs grew numb and they refused to move.

Y/N heard the loud noise of bushes rustling and Percy burst into the clearing, Annabeth and a few Apollo kids following close behind.

“Y/N!” He shouted, his voice deafened by the ringing in her ears. She felt dizzy and the world spun in slow-motion as the Apollo healers turned Y/N on her back. Percy kneeled beside her, holding her hand tightly.

“She’s been stung. We don’t have much time. Feed her the nectar.”

Black dots swarmed around in her vision. She could see Annabeth yelling at her but she heard no voices as she let her head loll to the side and she finally succumbed to sleep, not knowing if she would wake up again.

Y/N stirred as the harsh light peeked through the thin curtains of the infirmary. She lightly groaned, shifting around to get more comfortable. Her senses were slowly coming back and she could finally hear again.

“Y/N?” Percy was at her side in an instant. She smiled up at him.

“He really stole the bolt… didn’t he?” She whispered. Percy slowly nodded.

“Yeah…”

Luke’s betrayal would be hard to endure for both the Poseidon siblings and Annabeth. He was beloved by most of the camp and he threw it all away for one pitiful shot at glory.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I know you loved him.” Percy’s grip on her hand tightened.

A small laugh slipped past Y/N’s lips. “I guess I did… but he didn’t love me back. Or maybe he did and I simply wasn’t enough…”

Luke’s love had ever been pure or innocent. There was always a catch to it. He was obsessive with her, constantly ensuring that no other guys talked to Y/N. At least, not the ones that posed a threat.

A part of Y/N would always miss Luke but she could feel relief wash over her body because she no longer had to endure his lashing-out anger and sadness anymore.

She had escaped his cruel clutches and until they met again, most likely on a battlefield with their swords pressed up against each other’s throats, she could live in peace.

However, happiness never lasted long for demigods. “Get some rest.” Percy uttered as he stepped out of the infirmity. It was late at night and the last Apollo kid had just finished her daily rounds at checking the patients.

Y/N quietly sighed as she leaned her head back, her eyelids fluttering closed. The floorboards creaked but she paid it no mind. All the cabins squeaked, even the Aphrodite one.

Y/N felt drowsy under the influence of the medicine she had been given and she fell asleep in no time. Her long awaited rest didn’t last for long, though, when she awoke with a loud gasp.

She was outside. In a shallow river. Her clothes stuck to her body and she spat out a mouthful of water. Y/N shivered, rubbing her arms as a sorry attempt to generate warmth.

From the shore, she heard a familiar laugh. It pierced her soul and Y/N stiffened, her breath trembling. Luke sat not even a meter away, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. He saw her petrified face and it fuelled a sadistic need inside of him.

“I changed my mind, sweetheart.” Those words from him felt like poison to Y/N. “I got permission to keep you around as long as you don’t get into trouble.”

Luke inched forward and Y/N tilted away, trying to scramble rearward. Her back hit a large rock and she quivered, realising she was trapped between a boulder and Luke. Her former lover was approaching her quickly and she didn’t have time to react before he was kneeled in front of her, not caring how his clothes got soaked.

He gently grasped Y/N’s chin, an action that contrasted his aggressive approach back at camp. He tilted her head up so that she was forced to stare at him and sent her another sickeningly sweet smile.

“Did you miss me, sweetheart?” He whispered in her ear. His hands felt gross on her skin but her body refused to move. She knew she wouldn’t get far with her injured leg and weakened body. “Because I missed you terribly.”

His lips captured Y/N’s in a long kiss and for millisecond, she forgot all his wrongdoings. She almost melted before she came back to her senses.

As Luke pulled away, Y/N sank further into the river like it would save her from whatever callous and vicious act Luke was going to perform.

Her whole body shook, and not just from the cold, as she found herself cornered in Luke’s suffocating embrace once again after fighting so long to get out.

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[see-arcane]

The Harkers have got me fucked up. Not just from how much they're going through. Not just from how well they know each other.

But in how much is not being said. How much that appears to have been missed.

Mina has just made their friends swear to euthanize her. In front of Jonathan, who she knows cannot/will not make said promise aloud, though she tries to fish it out. A funeral service, yes, but no more than that. She takes the wins she can, relying on the others for the sacrificial slaughter while she pries what she thinks is some mote of acceptance of the Worst Case Scenario in Potentia from Jonathan. Perhaps she's read the vampiric vow of his journal by now. Perhaps not. Perhaps she already suspects either way and wants desperately not to see him damn himself, damn both of them, to avoid raising a killing hand to her.

She is going into the dark. What kind, she does not know yet. But she knows--thinks she knows--she has taken some measure to save her soul and Jonathan's. God's will be done. (Piety trembles in her heart, a fear trying frantically to still look like faith.)

Jonathan, meanwhile, is in Hell.

As it was in the castle, there are some miseries too deep to dwell on for him to stomach writing them down. Hence his tapping Jack to record it all. But the silence from him here, bar the dodge of the promise that goes against his private vow, bar the reading of the burial service, sinks deeper than any horror he suffered from the Count in person. What can he be thinking now?

I made this all possible. I opened the door to England for him. Showed him how to spread his poison. Failed to strike a killing blow when I had the chance. Slept frozen and useless beside her as he drank and made her drink. Lost him by inches in Piccadilly. Now I am here, listening to her claim so sunnily that any man of old would murder his woman to save her from the enemy's touch, as if asking for a trifle. All the while I sit contemplating a hellish betrayal, holding my heart over her wishes, over sanity, humanity, Heaven and Hell. Contemplating worse.

(The kukri is very sharp by now. In time it will have so fine an edge that no one would feel its cut before their head toppled off. Be they in a coffin or a friend with their back turned. Sickly, he finds the thought cold and placid in his mind. Is he not already damned for what he's allowed? Is he not already slated for the Count's collection? He knows whose blood it was on the monster's lips on that final dawn in Transylvania. And when he dies...)

I imagine he has to stop himself from making a mirrored request to the others right there. Has to stop himself from handing Mina the Bible and asking her to read it out for him. If she is lost, he is lost. It is not merely undeath that he would follow her into--whatever she is, wherever she goes, so must he be, so must he go.

Read it for me now, darling. You laid it all out so eloquently. I am already lost but for the wait for the grave. Come everyone, while we're here. Two funerals. Two sets of oaths. I can perhaps save you half the work, if I fall neatly enough on the kukri. Pry it from my heart and take my head when the time comes.

But he bites his tongue. Does not touch his pen. Does not risk heaping another weight on his love who is already crushed beneath existential terrors that are being thrust on her by the actions of others. She does not know what he is planning, even if she suspects it by half.

What she knows: Jonathan cannot raise a hand to her. (He would have me as a monster than not exist at all.)

What he prays she never will: Jonathan will be anything she is. (Mortal. Monster. Dead.)

One last secret to keep.

All the way to the grave.

[aetherialpiplup108]

Edit: Erased mention of the show from this post even if it was originally criticism because in hindsight, I want to avoid mentioning it at all due to the boycott.

What makes the Broken Trio (Annabeth, Thalia, and Luke) so impactful is that their bond is in stark contrast to the individual relationships the three share with their real families. Annabeth went thoroughly neglected by her father and absentee mother. The same for Luke, saddled with a mother who was tragically unavailable whether she wanted to be or not, and a father who never stepped in. And for Thalia, she never knew where she stood with her mother. Did Beryl love her daughter for her, or did she love her because she was proof of Zeus' favor. Did she truly care about Thalia--because from a little girl's perspective, she surely couldn't have cared about Jason all that much, trading his life to Hera in order to save her own--or did she just see her as a bargaining chip for immortality? And is that what love is? Later on, the same sentiment would apply to Zeus as well. Did he save her because he cared for her or because he thought she could be brought back to control the prophecy in his name?

All three of these kids were given nothing but conditional love. They all suffered under the weight of their desires to prove themselves to their parents whether out of spite (Luke, and Thalia to an extent) or love (Annabeth), because that was the only way they'd get the gods' attention, let alone their affection.

That's why it's so so important that when they came across each other and decided to form their own family, they chose to break this pattern. Luke stuck with Thalia knowing she was a magnet for danger with a huge target on her back. Thalia ignored Hal and Zoë's warnings, trusting Luke solely off who he had shown himself to be. And both of them looked at Annabeth, knowing she would slow them down--she was seven, how could she not--and decided to bring her along anyway because she deserved better and if her family wouldn't step up, they would.

These weren't rational decisions because family isn't meant to be rational and they're not Athena. They don't want to be. And we see this emotionality reflected in their choices throughout. Ever logical, strategic Annabeth believes in Luke even when she shouldn't because a long time back, he chose her when he didn't need to. There's a million different interpretations of Luke because, let's face it, his character was messy and inconsistent in canon, but what ultimately sets him apart from the gods or titans is a genuine care for his family, even if he stomps all over it at times. For Thalia, even after Luke poisoned her tree, she maintained faith in him right until the last moment on the mountain. Her breaking point was when he hurt Annabeth, leading her to purge all the good parts of Luke from her memory, forcing herself to only think about the betrayal so she could do what she believed was necessary to protect Annabeth. Not that I don't think she made the right call, but I do think this was far more of an emotional reaction than a purely practical one, which is further emphasized by how Percy (the neutral party, the outsider to this family) had to look at Luke empathetically and from both sides to make his final choice (@ruegarding has a fantastic meta on this that you should definitely check out).

Anyway, the point is: unlike the gods, these three did not perpetuate conditional love towards each other. It's essential that they saw each other, hurt and lonely, and chose to care, which is why it hurts so much when that found family breaks, and why it's the central piece that resolves everything in the end.

[kwamiwayzz]

Class of '09 - Jeckole Starter Fic Recs

I saw a post on Twitter earlier asking for fic recommendations for Class of '09 and thought this would be an easy place to start. Disclaimer, most of the ones here are Jeckole since it's pretty much all I read.

Notes are my own thoughts and feelings and don't completely give a full overview of the plot, if at all. You'll just have to check them out yourself ;)

drinking lightning by strictlypudding - If you were a newcomer in the Co09 fandom and wanted to search for the most Kudos'ed fic out of all of them, this would be the first to pop up and I can see why. It's a pretty good starter fic for anyone getting into Jeckole's dynamic and the author's prose when I first read it was top notch.

We're too hot to be best friends without sexual tension by Memeframe - This is a series of Jeckole fics compiled of 8 one/two-shots that follow Nicole and Jecka from high school up to adulthood. When I first read this, I had a fun time and thought the author captured that Co09 flavor when writing Jecka and Nicole's dynamic together.

(more below)

Fuck Life, Fuck the Universe, and Fuck Everything by Progman - I might be biased when giving my thoughts on this because I read it during a time when this VN threw me back to a time I do not like to revisit, but this fic slow-roasted me while I was marinating in my depression and I love the banter and dialogue wrote not just with Nicole and Jecka, but also among the other characters as well. This fic explores more of the growing codependent nature between Nicole and Jecka as well as do a deep dive on Nicole's depression. I also really liked the slow burn of how her being on meds made her slightly less fucked up, but still emphasized that it didn't completely fix her.

Inscriptions by Kayleen756894 - Similar to the one above by Progman, Inscriptions by Kayleen absolutely fucking decimated me then put me back together. As others have mentioned in her comments of this fic, it feels like a crescendo that just keeps getting better and better. For those people who really love the take on Nicole's character not actually being a sociopath and more of someone who's suffers from extreme depression, this is definitely the fic for you.

Jeckole by Anonymous - This is a series of one-shots (some related, some not) that are about Jecka and Nicole in various settings. Currently, there are about 6 works in it, and I unfortunately don't know who the author is since they left themselves as anonymous, but I love the way each one is written. For someone who's looking for more light-hearted, easy-going Jeckole one-shots, this could be a good place to start too.

Youth Without Youth by WorthlessPlant - Another Jeckole series, but by AO3 user, WorthlessPlant. I had fun reading these when I needed something light-hearted. There's only 2 works in it, but it follows a scenario where Nicole and Jecka adopt a kitten and raise it together.

Astraphobia by Doodlenova - Oh, if I remember correctly, this was probably the very first Jeckole fic I read when first getting into Co09. I really love this fic and it's take on how the gunshot from the mall cop in Re-Up affected both of them (through a simple thunderstorm). There aren't too many fics out there that take into account how Nicole would be functioning after getting shot in the leg, so this was a nice treat along with Jecka coping with the aftermath of watching her friend nearly die.

Shared Values by Progman - This was written after Flip Side, so you might get an idea of what's going on and how the direction will be steered the farther you read. It starts off slow, almost angsty, but once it gets to a certain part, the vibes and energy just amps up and goes back to that usual Co09 snappy dialogue and humor that I, personally, thought could've fit in the actual game.

Nothing But Poison by VeezChaos - If you love angst and no happy endings for Jeckole, this is the fic for you. I had to emphasize that in the beginning for anyone looking for more fluffy, leaning more on the happy-ending side of things. But I personally thought this fic was written well when exploring the descent of Jecka's mental state after Nicole takes her own life.

So Long, Goodbye by SCP_Stella_Eva - I really liked the scenario for this one, especially since there aren't many fics out there that really go over Nicole's feelings and relationship with her dad before he killed himself. Despite taking place while both Jecka and Nicole are both adults, the dialogue between them still maintains some of that flavor of their younger selves.

And that's it so far. I've read way more than this, but the list would've been way too long, and I did specify this was more of a starter fic-rec list. I haven't read some well-known ones yet like MentalCrit09's Nicole-Divergent series since I'm still catching up on Progman's series. I have read Nothing's New by eklpx but since it was Explicit, I was planning on making a separate fic rec list that only has NSFW works (whenever I'm not lazy lol).

Anyway, hope this helps for those just getting into the fandom :0

[rainforestakiie]

Vacation Away Part 01

hello. this is for @inubaki! who made me some amazing fanart for my fics! i'm so greatful! thank you so much!

'Adam and Lucifer get the same idea to take a break on earth. Adam in heaven and Lucifer in hell, both take on human form and embark to earth only to stumble in to one another. Whether or not Lucifer catches onto who Adam’s first is up to you while Adam remains clueless or in denial. They spend the weekend together and basically just begin falling in love without labels or restraint. But they are on a time limit.'

there is a second part of this. i changed it a little but i hope you like it inubaki. i love your other ideas too! so i might write them as well!

ah, hope you enjoy it at least!

Vacation Away (Adam/Lucifer goes on vacation on Earth) = Part 01. Part 02.

A month after the harrowing clash between the Exterminations and the Princess of Hell, Adam was still engulfed in torment. His head throbbed with a relentless heaviness, a dizzying fog clouding his thoughts. His body remained seared with pain, each ache a cruel reminder of his suffering. His spirit, once resilient, now lay in shambles, a shadow of the man he once was. The agony was a haunting echo of his earliest wounds, inflicted by Lilith’s poisonous actions, Eve’s heartbreak, and the ultimate devastation wrought by his archangel’s betrayal.

It was as if Adam had never healed at all. A suffocating, obsidian cloud of despair and depression seemed to cling to him, smothering any breath of relief. He gasped for air, his chest constricted by the relentless grip of sorrow. Only in those fleeting moments of waking from slumber did he feel a whisper of peace, a fleeting escape from the nightmares that plagued his restless nights.

After the brutal beating, whether he deserved it or not was irrelevant to him now. Adam found himself teetering on the brink of death once more. It was a cruel pattern, a relentless cycle of near-death encounters whenever one of the three crossed his path. Fate had a twisted sense of humour, always dealing Adam the losing hand, leaving him battered and scarred after every encounter. Despite the supposed necessity of meetings between Heaven and Hell, Adam had fought fervently to be excluded, but Sera and Michael had insisted on his involvement as the first man. His gut feeling had been right; their meetings were rife with snide remarks and veiled insults from the King and Queen of Hell. Even in silence, Adam felt like nothing more than their designated punching bag.

His ego was shattered, bruised by the beating inflicted by the very one who had once hurt him the most. Adam was merely following orders, never wishing to become an instrument of death against the Sinners. Yet, Heaven's demands were unyielding, and Sera’s insistence on his involvement only deepened his misery. Adam, who never sought this path, found himself trapped in a relentless cycle of pain and sorrow.

Adam could never see things from the Princess of Hell's perspective. To him, she was naive, far too sheltered to truly grasp the gravity of the souls she sought to redeem. Adam had never wanted to be involved in the first place. He preferred to feign ignorance, to pretend he was unaware of humanity's darkest deeds. There was a clear reason why a human soul descended to Hell instead of ascending to Heaven. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't for minor transgressions or even serious crimes where remorse was shown. Heaven's gates were not as stringent as many believed. Not a single Sinner in Hell was innocent; every soul there had committed grievous acts against humanity, acts of harm and murder, devoid of remorse or repentance.

The Princess of Hell, in Adam’s eyes, was utterly foolish. She was delusional to think that smiles, trust, and rainbows could redeem those who had no regret for the heinous crimes that damned them to Hell in the first place. Without genuine remorse, the gates of Heaven would remain forever closed to them.

Perhaps Adam had embraced his role as Leader of Extermination too fervently, but the Princess was blind to the dangers she courted. She stirred emotions, rattled cages, and pushed boundaries without understanding the consequences. The Angels were duty-bound to protect the righteous, and if the Princess had her way, victims would be forced to confront their worst perpetrators in Heaven—a perverse and cruel outcome.

What she was doing was fundamentally wrong. And the so-called snake, the King of Hell, wouldn’t even enlighten her about the true nature of Hell and its Sinners. To Adam, it was insanity. Perhaps he had been too rash, too rough, and perhaps he deserved the reprimand he received. But for heaven's sake, the Princess needed to be put in her place, too. Her actions threatened to harm more human souls.

Adam groaned, running a hand over his face. His skin prickled with anger, his golden feathers bristled. He had nearly died in Hell. After the cowardly King granted him 'mercy,' a one-eyed Sinner had stabbed him. This incident only reinforced his point. Lute had dragged him back to Heaven, to Sera and Emily, just in time. He was alive, still an Angel, but now...sicker, he guessed.

Sliding off the side of the bed, Adam’s head pulsed with a relentless, excruciating pain, and his golden wings fluttered and shuddered at his sides. The only visible remnant of his near-death experience was the star-shaped scar on his chest. The rest of his ailments were more insidious, affecting his health in ways he couldn’t fully comprehend.

The persistent knocking on his door made his dizziness worse. He wobbled towards it, dragging his wings across the floor. "Go away," he murmured.

Silence followed, and Adam foolishly thought the person had left. He had been locked in his room since his narrow escape from death. But then, a small, timid voice broke through the door.

"Adam?" Emily whimpered. "You’ve been inside for so long… please…"

Adam could never be cruel to Emily. She was one of the sweetest angels, yet she shared the Princess of Hell’s naivety about the truth of Sinners and Hell. He couldn’t bring himself to shatter her innocence; the light in her eyes would dim if she knew the full extent of the darkness. Sera had wanted to cruelly enlighten her, but Adam had begged the older Seraphim not to.

Sighing deeply, Adam opened the door, and the small Seraphim jumped in surprise. Her eyes brightened upon seeing him, but concern quickly spread across her face, her shoulders tensing with worry.

"Oh, Adam! How are you feeling?" she asked, taking hold of his hands. "You look dreadful! Have you been eating? Sleeping? Do you need anything? I can get some medicine for you."

Adam managed a small smile. Emily was probably the only one who showed him genuine care. "I’m fine, really, Emily. I just want to be left alone."

"But I haven’t seen you in so long…" Emily's wings drooped. "I wanted to check on you."

"I know you did, and I appreciate it." Adam ruffled her soft purple and white hair. "I think I need a break. A vacation or something. I need to get away from everything. My head… it’s not in a great place. It hasn’t been for a long time."

Emily sniffled. "A break? You want to get away from everyone? Even me?"

"No, no," Adam hurried to reassure her. "Not you, Emily. I just need time away from Heaven, Hell, Sera, and everything else. I’m sure there will be another meeting soon, and I know I’ll be forced to attend again…"

He desperately needed to withdraw from Extermination Day and everything related to Hell. He would figure it out eventually. "I have too much noise in my head. Too much going on, and I need time."

"Oh," Emily mumbled softly, her head slowly nodding.

She seemed deep in thought, and Adam almost worried. Emily always had strange ideas. He could see the gears turning in her little head and fought the urge not to shut the door.

"You should go to Earth!" she suddenly exclaimed brightly. "You should go down to Earth! That’s the best place to go! Nobody would think to look for you there!"

Adam paused, considering. Earth? That might be a good idea. On Earth, nobody knew who he was. In Heaven, he was always drowning in attention. It was suffocating. He couldn’t even go outside without being mobbed by Winners. It was too much. He wasn’t used to being followed around like that, having people cling to him. He would never get used to it.

Nobody knew him on Earth. The humans there wouldn’t even blink twice if they saw him.

"I mean, we can give you a disguise if you’d like?" Emily offered, her pretty wings fluttering. She smiled so brightly, so sweetly, that Adam found himself agreeing without fully thinking it through.

"But Sera would never allow it," he deflated, excitement sparking momentarily. "She would rather cut off her wings than let me go to Earth for a break. As a Seraphim, I need her permission to leave Heaven's gates..."

"I’m a Seraphim too!" Emily huffed, puffing her chest out as her angelic eye glowed. "I can give you permission, and I will deal with Sera later!"

"I don’t want to cause problems for you. Sera’s pretty… strict. We both know she’ll never be happy with this, and I don’t want you to bear the brunt of her anger." Adam frowned, recalling how terrifying Sera was when angry. He had always avoided being on the receiving end of it and couldn’t forgive himself if Emily had to endure it.

But Emily continued to glow, unfazed by the thought of Sera’s wrath. "Don’t worry about Sera. Leave her to me. I can handle her."

"But—"

Emily gave him such a pointed look that Adam was reminded that despite her small and fragile appearance, she was ten times more powerful than he was. Emily was an ancient being, maybe even triple his age.

"If you’re sure…" Adam weakly conceded.

Emily huffed, straightening her form and planting her hands on her hips. "I’ll get all the paperwork done without Sera noticing! We’ll aim for you to leave next week!"

Adam found himself smiling. This was why he adored Emily so much.

"Thank you, Emily."

She beamed in return.

A couple of days later, Emily sat at the end of Adam’s bed, surrounded by a bundle of papers. Her pretty eyes shimmered with enthusiasm as she sifted through the parchments, a sweet smile on her face.

“Or, we have these!” she sang, holding up a parchment with a long list of names. “I put together all the newest upcoming music festivals! Maybe you could attend one of these? It might be fun!”

Adam smiled crookedly, his eyes scanning the words. Emily was so considerate, so thoughtful. She had compiled numerous ideas and suggestions for his vacation, detailing places he could go and things he could try. Of course, as long as he brought her something back. She was innocent and sweet, reminding him of his own daughters.

“I really appreciate the thought, but I’m going on a break to get away from noise, not to be around more,” he said. In truth, he’d love to attend a music festival or even a concert. But his daily headaches and constant fatigue demanded a calm, still place with as few people as possible. “I need silence, I think…”

Something like Eden, a small voice whispered, but Adam ignored it.

“So, Hawaii’s out of the question then.” Emily pouted. “I heard the flowers are very pretty.”

“And the drinks are amazing,” Adam joked, his grin widening as Emily giggled.

Yet, his headache at the thought. He would love to go to Hawaii; it would be amazing. The alcohol could help ease his anxiety, and the flowers were beautiful. Adam would love to wear one of those flower leis. But Hawaii was a tourist magnet, teeming with people. While they wouldn’t recognize him, Adam wanted solitude, not the heart of a crowd. So, Hawaii was out of the question.

Flowers...like the blossoms from Eden. The sweet scent and warm summer breeze.

“Adam?” Emily tilted her head curiously.

Adam lowered his head and meekly shrugged his shoulders. “I wish I could just go to Eden for a vacation. I really miss it…”

“I’m so sorry, Adam.” Emily’s smile turned sad and gentle as she reached forward to squeeze his hands. “I’m so sorry you lost so much. If only I had been born earlier, I could have helped you. I could have fought for you back then.”

Adam sighed. “You’re so sweet, but I know I can never go back to it. But I just miss it so much. Eden is my home, and I fear I will never feel that way about another place. Heaven is nice and all, but it’s not Eden.”

Emily’s eyes shimmered with understanding, and she squeezed his hands tighter. “Maybe one day, Adam. Maybe one day you’ll find a place that feels like home again.”

"While I can't bring back Eden, I can do something else," Emily said softly. She raised her hands delicately, summoning a scroll of soft pink and purple parchment. With gentle fingers, Emily unravelled it. "I wasn't sure if you would want to. I was worried it might even offend you, but... I put together a list of towns and cities that are similar to Eden. With flowers and so on..."

Adam's eyes widened in surprise, his golden wings shimmering and twitching. "Y-You did?"

"Yes." Emily smiled sweetly, her eyes lowering to the list. "I have put together ten of the most beautiful and peaceful places you could go. Keukenhof Gardens was the first place I thought of. Called the 'Garden of Europe,' Lisse is home to Keukenhof, one of the world's largest flower gardens. It features millions of tulips and other flowers."

"Then I found out about Medellín, Colombia, known as the 'City of Eternal Spring.' Medellín hosts the annual Flower Festival (Feria de las Flores) in August, showcasing elaborate floral displays and parades featuring intricate flower arrangements." Emily explained, reading what she had noted down on the parchment with a soft hum. "Hitachi, Japan. Hitachi Seaside Park: Famous for its seasonal flower displays, this park in Hitachinaka features millions of flowers, including nemophila, tulips, and kochia, creating breathtaking landscapes that change with the seasons.

"Giverny, France. Monet's Garden: The village of Giverny is known for Claude Monet's gardens, which inspired many of his famous paintings. The gardens are meticulously maintained and feature a stunning array of flowers, including water lilies.

"Spello, Italy. Infiorate di Spello: This small town in Umbria is famous for its annual flower festival, where intricate carpets of flowers are created in the streets for the Feast of Corpus Christi.

"Brussels, Belgium. Flower Carpet: Every two years, the Grand Place in Brussels is transformed into a vibrant flower carpet made up of hundreds of thousands of begonias. The event attracts visitors from all over the world.

"Dubai, United Arab Emirates. Dubai Miracle Garden: This expansive garden is home to millions of flowers arranged in stunning designs and structures. It holds the title for the world's largest natural flower garden.

"Furano, Japan. Lavender Fields: Known for its picturesque lavender fields, Furano attracts visitors during the summer months when the fields are in full bloom, creating a sea of purple flowers.

"Madeira, Portugal. Funchal: The capital city of Madeira, Funchal, hosts the annual Flower Festival in spring, featuring parades, flower carpets, and vibrant floral displays throughout the city.

"Victoria, Canada. Butchart Gardens: Located on Vancouver Island, Butchart Gardens is famous for its beautifully landscaped gardens, featuring a diverse range of flowers and plants in various themed gardens."

Adam's heart warmed as he listened. The detailed descriptions brought each place to life in his mind. "Emily, this is incredible," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I never imagined... thank you."

Emily beamed. "I just want you to be happy, Adam. I hope one of these places can bring you some peace."

And so it was that Adam found himself standing before the enchanting Keukenhof Gardens. The allure of the "Garden of Europe" captivated him, invoking vivid memories of the Garden of Eden. The thought filled him with a renewed sense of purpose, his wings lifting gracefully instead of dragging wearily behind him.

The air on Earth surprised him with its sweetness. Despite the passage of time and the pollution that had thickened the atmosphere since Eden, Keukenhof Gardens offered a refreshing breath of purity. It wasn't quite like Eden, but it was perhaps the closest he could find.

Adam's golden eyes gleamed as they swept across the quaint city of Lisse. It was serene, just as he preferred. The surroundings beckoned with promise: the inviting Keukenhof Forest to the west, the historic Ter Specko to the north, and even a charming Black Tulip Museum nearby. Here, amidst such beauty, he felt he could finally clear his mind and heart.

Emily, bless her soul, had deftly managed to slip the paperwork approving Adam's stay on Earth past Sera. He wasn't sure what was transpiring in Heaven, but Emily had insisted he leave before Sera discovered their plan. She had even strategically omitted his Earthly location from the documents, ensuring Sera couldn't retrieve him. As the Seraphim responsible for his permission to stay, Emily alone knew his whereabouts and could visit without his consent. Sometimes, Heaven's rules worked in his favour when cleverly navigated.

Yet, Adam worried for her. He hoped Sera wouldn't be too harsh. Emily was simply doing what she believed was right, and Adam was profoundly grateful for her courage. It was the first time Heaven had done something for him, and he couldn't thank her enough.

Though Emily had wished to grant him a month or two, she had only managed a week. But that was plenty. Ample time away from the celestial struggles, the turmoil of Heaven and Hell, the conflicts of winners and sinners, and the shadows of his past heartbreak. Here, in one of the most beautiful places on Earth, Adam hoped to escape and forget.

He could pretend. He could deceive himself if he closed his eyes tightly enough, imagining he wasn't the first man but just a regular human, living a simple, serene life on Earth. For one single week, Adam will pretend he was just a normal human visiting the town of Lisse. 

His hair, now more red than brown, framed his face in soft waves. His once brilliant golden eyes had mellowed to a gentle shade of amber. The angelic tan that once graced his skin had faded to a paler hue, making his freckles stand out more prominently. Adam had grown slimmer since his days as an angel, though he still bore a slight curve in his stomach. He had lost nearly sixty percent of his former self after the Sinner had almost claimed his life. 

Even before Emily altered his appearance, his illness had rendered him nearly unrecognisable. Adam was perpetually tired, moving slower than before, with a small limp—a souvenir not from the one-eyed Sinner, but from the King of Hell’s brutal assault. The damage to his nervous system was irreparable. 

Sera and Emily had laboured tirelessly over his chest wound, trying to keep him from bleeding out. By the time they realised the extent of the nerve damage, it was too late. He had to live with the limp in his left foot and the near numbness of his right hand. But he supposed it was fine.

Adam gazed down at the white-lined paper in the book before him. His amber eyes were vacant as his mind struggled to find words.

“Are you alright, hun?” the little old lady behind the counter asked gently.

He blinked, snapping out of his reverie, and straightened up. His right hand refused to curl around the pen properly. Biting his bottom lip, he switched to his left hand. “Yes, sorry,” he replied.

The little old lady could see that Adam wasn't truly okay, but she kindly chose not to press the issue. She settled back in her oversized cardigan, her fat ginger cat napping on the counter beside her. Adam awkwardly scribbled a random name in the sign-in book, double-checking it to memorise his 'new name' before stepping back. In truth, there was no real need for a fake name or a disguise; walking around without his wings or halo would suffice. But Adam wanted to be someone else, just for the week.

“Alright then, sweetheart,” the little old lady sang as she rose with her walking stick. “Your room is just this way.”

Adam managed a small smile as he moved to follow her, pausing to pet the ginger cat. Maybe, just maybe, this week wouldn't be so bad after all.

“So, Graham, are you here to see our tulips?” the little old lady asked with a sweet hum.

Her voice brought a warmth to Adam's heart, reminding him of his granddaughter, the second human to enter Heaven. She had chosen to remain in her elderly form, a sweet little thing who would nap randomly, often requiring Adam to carry her. He hadn’t seen her since...

“Yes,” he swallowed. “I love... nature. I’ve always enjoyed flowers, trees, grass...”

“Nothing wrong with that. You seem like such a sweet young lad,” she said, leading him down the corridor of her flower-themed inn. “Such a sensitive soul you are. The youth of today aren’t interested in nature, too obsessed with electronics, like their phones. You remind me of the other young man upstairs, he signed in this morning.”

Adam sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, well... I’ve always loved nature. So I... enjoy going to see it. My plan is to go see the tulips, the flowers this week. Maybe even go to the museum.”

“Are you here just for the week?” the old lady questioned, pulling out an old ring of keys. She shuffled to an oak door adorned with a carved flower. “I own a florist shop. We specialise in all the beautiful flowers Keukenhof has to offer. My daughter used to help me run it, but my little grandson’s sick, so she hasn’t been able to work. If you’re interested, I could use a hand. Only for the mornings, so you will be free by 11:00AM.”

How sweet.

“I’d love to help,” Adam immediately said. He hadn’t worked with flowers in years and missed everything about them, everything about Eden. “I don’t need to be paid or anything. I’ll volunteer.”

“Such a nice young lad,” the little old lady hummed, unlocking the door to his room. “I don’t want to be a bother. You’ve already paid for your room, and I’ll make you hot meals on the house.”

Adam beamed. It sounded wonderful to work with flowers again, even if just for a week.

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you,” the woman chimed. “You have no idea how much you have helped me. I wish all youngsters were like you these days.”

If only she knew Adam was thousands of years older than her. 

The florist was beautiful, and Adam's breath was taken away the moment he stepped inside. The flowers were gorgeous, each one a unique blend of shades, shapes, and sizes. Adam hadn't seen so many lovely flowers in such a long time. It was amazing to see.

He was given a sage-green apron, sandy brown gloves, and his first task: creating a bouquet. The little old lady was very friendly, patient, and sweet, teaching him how to arrange the flowers just so.

Adam was tasked with making the bouquets for orders, nothing else. It was so fun to do, and Adam never realized how enjoyable it could be. The flowers smelled lovely, and he would often stop to take in their fragrance. The florist wasn’t very big—the front had rows of flowers and plants, with a counter beyond them, and a small workshop in a room on the other side of the counter.

“Wonderful work, Graham,” the little lady cooed, taking his newest freshly made bouquet and moving it to a vase. She lightly ran her wrinkled fingers across the petals. “You really seem to have a talent with flowers. Perhaps you’ve worked in a florist before?”

Adam flushed sheepishly. “Not really. I’ve never worked in a florist before.”

“Really?” the old lady gasped, appearing surprised. “But you knew so much without me even needing to tell you. How strange.”

Shrugging helplessly, Adam smiled warmly down at the flowers around him. If the florist was this beautiful, he couldn’t wait to see how lovely the rest of Keukenhof would look.

“Mrs. Dorothy?” a familiar yet unfamiliar voice suddenly called.

The little old lady hummed, turning towards the voice. She wiped her hands on her apron and began to wobble towards a figure stepping into the doorway of the florist.

“Ah, Samuel,” Dorothy said kindly. “You’re here. Wonderful.”

Adam squinted his eyes, awkwardly wiping his gloved hands together and turning to look at this new person. Samuel, he reminded himself. A strange sensation twisted in the pit of his stomach as the figure stepped fully into the workshop, meeting Dorothy as she wobbled towards him. The old lady was speaking to him, but Adam wasn’t listening; his ears only picked up buzzing. He blinked awkwardly, glancing at the young man with a weirdness seeping over him.

Samuel appeared somewhat familiar, but Adam didn’t know why. He had never seen him before.

“Ah, Graham, this is Samuel. My other customer. He’s staying the week also at my inn,” Dorothy explained, gesturing to the man. “He’s agreed to volunteer at my florist too.”

She tilted her head to Samuel. “Samuel, this is Graham. You’ll be working together in the mornings.”

Samuel nodded with an oddly familiar smile. His blue eyes shimmered as he gazed at Adam and stepped up to him, his delicate pale hand reaching out. “It’s lovely to meet you, Graham. I hope we can get along.”

Adam stared at the hand. His stomach began to hurt, and he had no idea why. Samuel was short, reaching his shoulder. His face was cherry-shaped, with rosy cheeks and large sea-blue eyes. His hair was a strawberry blonde that curled around his face in a fashion Adam was sure he had seen before but couldn’t quite place.

When Samuel cocked his head innocently, his golden eyebrow raising, Adam mentally kicked himself. He quickly wrapped his hand around Samuel’s, a spark of electricity running through their skin at the contact. Adam almost yanked his hand back but swallowed it down. It looked as if Samuel hadn’t noticed the spark and continued to grin innocently at him.

Wait. Was it innocent? Adam felt a strong chill run up his spine. He recognized that sort of smile. It wasn’t so innocent…

“Nice to meet you too,” Adam mumbled quietly. “Um….Samuel.”

Why did the name sound so wrong to him? 

“I’m sure we’ll be spending a lot of time together.”

~#~

Lucifer was engulfed in a profound and suffocating despair, far deeper than he had ever experienced. His emotions were a chaotic, tangled mess, with an ever-increasing weight of sorrow pressing down on him each day. Even with Charlie by his side, their rekindling relationship offered no respite from the relentless grip of his depression. The once comforting presence of his rubber ducks, which used to bring a sliver of solace, now failed to pierce through his gloom.

Something was fundamentally broken within him, something he couldn't comprehend. Ever since his catastrophic fall from Eden, Lucifer had not been the same. Lilith's departure had been anticipated, yet even that couldn't account for the depth of his current despair. He was hollow, a shell of his former self. 

Though he had a room in the new 'Hazbin Hotel,' he scarcely used it. Charlie thought he had moved in with her and her friends, but Lucifer couldn't truly reside there. Each time he retired to the apple-shaped room at the hotel's corner, he would open a portal and retreat to his mansion. He couldn't explain why he kept returning to this dark, desolate building, but he did. It was as if he were expecting someone or something, and each time he found it cold and empty, his heart ached with unbearable pain.

Initially, he thought he was yearning for Lilith, clinging to the hope that she had returned, only to be devastated by her continued absence. But he soon realised that his turmoil was not about Lilith. It was something else, something he couldn't identify. Sitting in the centre of his cold, empty, and lonely chamber, Lucifer perched awkwardly on his four-poster bed, surrounded by mountains of rubber ducks. He clutched one in particular, rolling it between his claws with a lopsided frown, his red and gold eyes narrowing in scrutiny.

This little rubber duck had red curls attached to the back. He remembered crafting it years ago when he was still hopeful, still a dreamer. It was the Eve rubber duck. He placed it gently on the royal purple quilt, next to the Lilith duck, his frown deepening. His own duck was on Eve's other side, a grim reminder of something that happened centuries ago. 

His eyes drifted toward another duck placed farther away from the trio, and his chest tightened in agony. It had been so long since he had brought out his Eden rubber duck set. Lilith had never seen them. He had locked them away, for his eyes only, the guilt gnawing at him relentlessly.

With delicate claws, Lucifer picked up the duck that mirrored his own loneliness and sadness. He cradled it in his darkened hand as if fearing it might dissolve. The soft brown tufts of hair gave the duck an endearing look. He remembered remaking it countless times, never satisfied, which fueled his incessant quest for perfection in his rubber ducks. If he couldn't make Adam perfect, none of the others would be either.

This rubber duck always appeared crestfallen, perpetually sad and heartbroken, a reflection of Lucifer's own regret and foolish actions. Each time he remade the Adam duck, it always ended up with defects, odd bumps near the eyes that made it look on the verge of tears. Stroking the top of its head, Lucifer longed to comfort it, to stop its eternal weeping, but the duck remained frozen in its state of sorrow. He blinked away his own tears, trying to hold back the overwhelming tide of his own sadness.

Adam hadn't attended any meetings since that fateful battle months ago. In truth, Lucifer had expected the arrogant, self-absorbed first man to bounce back quickly. He wasn’t overly concerned when Lute had hauled Adam's beaten and bloodied body back up through the portal to Heaven. For a fleeting moment, Lucifer had wondered if he’d gone too far in his fervour to protect his daughter. His love for Charlie was boundless, and he would have obliterated anyone who dared make her cry. But Adam had already been defeated. Lucifer had done more than just defend Charlie; he had humiliated Adam, ensuring all of Hell knew just how much of a cuck the first man was.

Lucifer hadn't given it a second thought. He convinced himself that Adam needed a dose of humility and that at the next meeting between Heaven and Hell, the first man would be there, his usual brash and infuriating self. Lucifer was certain of it. He was beyond certain that when he and Charlie entered the grand hall for the meeting, Adam would be sitting in that golden chair next to Sera.

He had wagered his entire being, his magic, his rubber ducks, even Hell itself on it.

So it was soul-crushing to enter the hall and find not Adam and Sera, but Sera and a small Seraphim clearly meant as Lucifer’s replacement—and fucking Michael. The discomfort and aggression in the room were tense. 

Even the little Seraphim, whom Charlie had befriended and called 'Emily,' wasn't smiling. Charlie had said Emily was always cheerful, always beaming, but now Emily looked blank, upset, disappointed. Charlie tried to talk to her, but Emily ignored her, which clearly hurt his precious daughter.

Lucifer hadn't asked about Adam then. He let the strangeness wash over him, expecting Adam to be at the next meeting...and the next...and the next, until ten meetings had passed with no sign of the first man. Lucifer had stopped listening to the discussions, stopped caring about Charlie's arguments.

"Where's Adam?" he finally asked, and the three Angels before him darkened instantly.

"You will be dealing with me from now on," Michael spat, his aggression blinding Lucifer momentarily.

Michael and Lucifer had clashed since before the fall, never agreeing on anything. But this time was different. Michael's rage was unprecedented, even more intense than when Lucifer had defied God's plan and corrupted humanity. Lucifer was bewildered.

Charlie was shocked and confused, but neither of them received any answers.

That soul-crushing ache from centuries ago, when Adam had first caught him with Lilith, returned with tenfold intensity. It nearly made Lucifer's legs buckle beneath him. How badly had he hurt Adam? He hadn't intended to harm him so grievously. He just wanted to scare him, to send a message so Heaven would think twice before threatening his daughter again.

Emily glared, and Charlie bristled in shock when she asked if Adam was alive.

Lucifer's head spun as he sat on his bed, hugging the rubber duck to his chest with a sigh. Maybe Adam deserved some of the things he did that day on the crumbling grounds of the hotel, but he certainly didn't deserve all of it. Lucifer had gone too far. He had beaten Adam beyond recognition, beyond what he had intended and purposely humiliated him in front of all the Sinners…so nobody would ever take him seriously again…

Lucifer wanted to see Adam. No, he needed to see Adam. The most recent meeting had come just this morning, and Lucifer had decided to miss it—a decision he now realized was foolish. His absence had been the root of many problems, but he couldn’t bear the thought of going to the meeting room again and finding Adam still absent. The pain was becoming unbearable.

Groaning, Lucifer flopped back onto his bed. He held the Adam rubber duck above him, his other hand clutching his own rubber duck. Together, he held them aloft, his gaze softening with sadness. It hadn’t always been this way. Their relationship, their friendship, hadn’t always been bitter and hostile. Once, it had been sweet, gentle, and loving. Once, he and Adam had been closer than anyone could imagine. Adam had been Lucifer's entire world, and Lucifer knew he had been Adam’s world too.

But feelings, emotions, had gotten in the way. Lucifer had believed he’d fallen in love, but Adam’s betrayed expression had haunted him since. Once, when Lucifer was still hopeful, still a dreamer who believed in God's plan and ideals, he had thought that despite everything, Adam would come around and they would be close friends again.

But that never happened. Lucifer would never forget the excruciating agony of realizing that Adam hated him. Adam hated him...

“Dad?” came a sudden voice, making Lucifer jump with a startled yelp.

His rubber ducks danced in the air as he sprang up, desperately trying to catch them. The Adam rubber duck bounced onto the purple, black, and red carpet. Lucifer’s eyes fixed on it, that familiar ache tightening in his chest. Why did it always feel like Adam was running away from him?

“Dad?” Charlie stepped in, her eyes glancing around at his collection of rubber duck toys.

Lucifer awkwardly grinned, trying to hide the fact that he’d been on the verge of tears. “Charlie! What brings you here? Is everything alright with the hotel?”

Charlie’s gaze returned to her father, a strained smile crossing her lips. “Well, the meeting was this morning, and you missed it—”

She paused as she stepped forward, and Lucifer’s eyes zoomed in on her foot as she raised it above his precious Adam rubber duck. His breath caught in his throat as Charlie was about to step on it.

“Oh.” Charlie looked down, lifting her foot to see the duck. She immediately picked it up, her gaze softening. While she didn’t fully understand what her father was going through, she knew there was something he hadn’t told her. “This looks like Adam.”

“Does it?!” Lucifer squealed, too forced. He released a series of sheepish, forced laughs that made Charlie flinch. “It—it must be defective! Give it here and I’ll throw it away!”

Charlie glanced at his clawed hand and then back at the Adam duck. It definitely did not appear defective. Instead, she could tell a lot of time and effort had gone into its creation. It had ten times more detail than any other duck she had seen. With a soft hum, her delicate fingers folded around it, holding it gently. Clearly, it was an important item to her father.

“Dad,” she spoke softly, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. “You miss Adam.”

Lucifer’s eyes widened, his mouth opening and closing. “W-what? No, I don’t! He—he got what he deserved. I don’t care if—if—if he’s hurt…”

Charlie tilted her head in disagreement. “I’ve noticed it too. It’s strange that Adam isn’t in the meetings anymore. Emily…”

With a soft sigh, Lucifer dropped the fake happy persona he’d been putting on. His face immediately fell, and he swung himself over, sitting next to Charlie. “I think I really hurt him.”

“You were only protecting me,” Charlie said quietly, her eyes gazing down at the rubber duck in her hand. “He...was trying to kill me.”

“He wasn’t,” Lucifer said quickly, making Charlie blink in surprise. “I mean, I don’t know if he genuinely hated you, but he wasn’t trying to kill you. He was trying to scare you. Adam—Heaven in general weren’t allowed to attempt to kill you. It was the contract between me and Heaven, so I wouldn’t get involved in the Exterminations.”

Charlie’s face scrunched up in sadness and pain.

“I was only trying to scare him. I wanted to punish him for even trying to hurt you, for even threatening you. But the truth is, Charlie, I know better,” Lucifer groaned, running a claw down his face.

“What...what do you mean?” Charlie asked in a quiet, shaky voice.

Lucifer didn’t speak at first. He hunched his shoulders, arching his back. He rested his elbow on his thigh and tapped his clawed fingers to his chin. Lucifer carefully plucked the Adam rubber duck from Charlie’s hand and gazed down at it. “I was one of the top beings of Heaven. I was a Seraphim. The eldest of them all. I know how Heaven works. I know how it ticks.”

“Dad…” Charlie whispered, a bone-chilling coldness creeping into her heart. “Dad...are you…?”

“I doubt Adam acted alone. I mean, I haven’t seen him outside of the meetings in years, but I can't imagine the Adam I knew from Eden descending into Hell to slaughter thousands of Sinners,” Lucifer murmured, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the mountain of ducks before him. “Whether he agreed with your plan or not, the Adam I remember, who adored animals and wept when a lion attacked a deer, would never willingly lead an army to kill thousands.”

Charlie's hands clenched together, her knuckles turning white. “Dad, are you suggesting…?”

“I’m not suggesting, Charlie,” Lucifer said harshly. “I’m saying he was ordered to. You don’t defy Heaven. I am living proof of what happens when you do. It might not excuse his actions, but it is something to consider.”

Charlie covered her mouth, her face contorting in anguish. She made a choked sound, barely holding back tears. “I never thought about it that way…”

“There’s a lot you don’t know,” Lucifer admitted, a rare vulnerability in his voice. He closed his claws around a duck, holding it close to his chest. “I’m so...stressed.”

Charlie looked at Lucifer, her sympathy pouring out like a flood. “That’s why I came to see you. I figured you weren’t using your room back at the hotel.”

“Oh, right, I’m sorry,” Lucifer flinched. “I just…”

“You don’t need to explain. I already know,” she smiled weakly, placing a comforting hand on Lucifer’s shoulder. “I was thinking, maybe you should go on vacation?”

“Vacation?” Lucifer repeated, raising an eyebrow. “Me? The nonexistent King of Hell? I’ve only just begun to take my role seriously. Can you imagine what they will say if I just up and leave now? After that battle? I will never hear the end of it.”

With a broken, exhausted groan, Lucifer buried his face in his hands, pressing his palms into his eyes until he saw stars. Who knew taking the role of King of Hell seriously would be so draining?

"I just need five minutes. That's all. I'll be better in five minutes," he said.

Charlie wasn't sure if Lucifer was speaking to her or himself. It was clearly a lie. She rubbed his shoulder, worry etching her face. It was the first time she truly saw her father for who he really was—a sad, broken man. She had been too young to understand, to see the depths of his depression.

"Dad, this isn't healthy," she spoke softly. "None of this is healthy for you. You're...you're practically killing yourself."

Lucifer's head snapped up, his eyes wild. "What are you talking about? I'm fine! I'm okay, you don't need to worry!"

"Dad..." Charlie deadpanned, gesturing to the piles of ducks around them. "You're not fine. You need time, and no, I don't mean time here. Locking yourself away in a dark, damp, and cold mansion isn't going to help you. If you don’t feel comfortable being at the hotel with me, then let me send you on vacation away from the Pride Ring. Away from Hell."

In that moment, she looked every bit the Princess of Hell, and someday, the Queen. Lucifer's chest swelled with pride, but only for a fleeting second before everything crumbled again.

"Charlie, I can't really go anywhere," he said weakly. "It's kind of you to offer, but I can't leave Hell. I'm bound to Hell."

Charlie grinned widely, a reflection of him. "I thought about that. I think you should go to Earth."

"Earth?" Lucifer repeated, eyebrows raised. "Once again, I can't leave Hell. I am bound to Hell."

"You can if you're summoned," Charlie sang, pride evident in her voice. "If someone summoned you and you entered into a contract. Say, a week-long contract of relaxing?"

That was true. By the law of Heaven, Earth, and Hell, the only way the devil himself could leave Hell was by contractual summoning. He used to be summoned frequently in the earlier years. But as humans grew more corrupt, they stopped believing in Lucifer and ceased summoning him. In many ways, it had been a blessing in disguise. After being trapped in Hell for so long, being summoned to Earth and seeing the blue skies had been wonderful. But it hurt doubly when he returned to Hell.

Lucifer could foresee that aching pain returning if he agreed to Charlie's plan. He saw the flaws in it. It was almost laughable, really. But at the same time, Lucifer's heart fluttered in a way it hadn't in centuries. He wanted out. He needed time away from Hell, from his depressed room filled with ducks. He needed to clear his mind, clear his head, and come back with a fresh perspective.

"And who would be foolish enough to summon the King of Hell?" Lucifer asked, eyeing his beloved daughter. "Because last time I checked, humans aren’t exactly summoning demons anymore."

They no longer needed to. Humans had become so corrupt that they didn’t need Hell or demons to commit terrible and awful crimes against humanity. They did it themselves now, which honestly proved everything Heaven feared. There was so much Charlie didn’t know—the true reason Heaven would never let Sinners through the golden gates.

"Alastor knows somebody," Charlie began before pouting when Lucifer’s face soured. "Dad, please. He isn’t that bad!"

"Of course he is," he grumbled sullenly. "He knows somebody who would summon the King of Hell himself! Unbelievable!"

"He’s trying to help!" Charlie insisted. "It’s an old family friend. She’s old, on the verge of death herself, but she owes Alastor a favor still."

Lucifer scoffed. "You mean she summoned Alastor, and now he owns her soul. What did he offer her? Freedom from their deal if she does this little favor for him? Out of the goodness of his heart?"

Fucking bullshit. His hair stood on end, and his skin prickled when Charlie simply continued to stare. Clearly, he had hit the nail on the head.

"Charlie!" Lucifer exclaimed, his body twitching, the burn on his back forming with his wings beginning to burst out. If Alastor had tricked his little girl! "How did you get this favor? What did you offer?"

Charlie held her hands up. "Calm down. It’ll only be for a week. There are no strings attached. I didn’t make a deal with Alastor or anything. He just overheard Vaggie and me and said he could offer his assistance."

"For free?" Lucifer growled, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

The Princess of Hell groaned deeply. "Dad, please. This is a great opportunity for you! You said so yourself, you’re drowning in here! You need time away from Hell, from this mansion, and everything else! From Heaven and its rules! It’s only a week!"

"Anything can happen in a week," Lucifer shot back. "It’s too dangerous. I don’t trust him."

Charlie released a deep, exhausted sigh. She stood up and crossed her arms, looking away sheepishly before glancing back. "Well...you don’t really have a choice, Dad."

"What?" Lucifer blinked slowly, his eyebrows creasing. "What do you mean I don’t have a choice?"

Charlie breathed in deeply, a twitchy smile spreading across her lips. "I mean...it’s already been arranged. You’re going to be summoned at dawn."

"Charlie!"

[yawnderu]

She Wants Me Dead — Miguel O'Hara x Reader | Part III

1 2 3

"You have tits now." The sentence is so blunt it almost makes Miguel laugh for the first time ever since the incident.

"Pecs." Is all he can reply, barely even finding the energy to keep his eyes open. He has been working himself to the bone ever since he broke the canon and erased an entire dimension, looking for an explanation, a solution, anything.

"Mhm." Everything felt so cold ever since. 5 months in and you couldn't handle the pressure of dealing with Miguel, who was barely home and didn't even have the energy to do anything with you, spending all day in his office, planning with the AI you came to love, Lyla. You left him at his lowest, appearing only a year after the incident, once Miguel had it together, in a way. The Miguel you're looking at isn't the Miguel you fell in love with.

"I have nothing for you, so you might as well shock off." He dismisses you without even sparing a glance at you, his red eyes focused on the projection of his adoptive daughter— the life he wished he could have and got to experience for a short while before reality came crashing down in him, destroying any piece of what the old Miguel was like. Friendly, nice. He was now full of snark, sarcasm, and a moodiness that seemed to spread to everyone around him, infecting them like a virus.

"I just wanted to see you. See if I got lucky enough to be in your bed again." There's a playful pout on your lips, doing nothing to ease the tension. He wasn't expecting to see you ever since you dumped him, and he could feel his muscles tensing at your mere presence.

"Not happening. Not after what you did." He's stern, cold. His red eyes set on you for a second before returning to his monitor, both wounds still fresh in his soul.

"You're still mad about that? I said sorry." The charming smile you shoot his way is enough to make his blood boil. It's something he has seen far too many times during your toxic relationship, something that previously made him fold and submit to you, despite knowing you're both pure poison to each other.

"Sorry." He repeats with a scoff, hands on his hips as he finally looks down at you. He's much... bigger, in every way. The lanky guy you knew is now towering at 6'9, his body nothing short of pure muscle that could easily crush you like a bug.

"If you want back in, you're gonna have to try much harder. You can't just keep doing stuff like that, not anymore." He's a lot more mature now, even if only a year has passed. You know he suffers from great trauma— hell, you were there to see that for yourself, until you ran away.

"Fine. I'll do anything, Miggy." You reply with a sigh, hands gently tracing his waist before wrapping around it, bringing him in for the so dreaded hug. In reality, you don't feel much about it, but for him... it's like another punch to the gut. He has way too much on his plate, the last thing he needs is his ex-girlfriend, a villain, pretending to be sweet just to get forgiveness.

"Just... be there for me and don't piss me off." He says after hesitantly pushing your body away, being careful enough to not use a lot of force.

Four months in and you've broken that promise more times than he can count, yet the obsession and love cloud his judgement. You're the only thing he can cling on besides his obsession with the canon, and so when he needs a break... he knows you'll be there. Doesn't matter if he wants to talk, cuddle in silence, or fuck. You're always available, ready for anything he has in mind.

"Así, mi amor." He guided your hips up and down his cock, arms wrapped around you like a lifeline as he used your cunt to jerk himself off.

"Too much—" He shushes you with a kiss, bringing your body closer to his until he can thrust into you faster, your whiny moans doing nothing but become fuel to his already exhausted body. His kisses are sloppy, desperate, tongues wrapping around each other in a mess of saliva.

''Wanna prove how much you're sorry? For all the broken promises?'' You regret nodding your head, because now your body is now pinned down on a mating press as he fucks his stupidly big cock into you, pulling out only to slam himself back in, the lewd sounds of your squelching cunt and mixed moaning bouncing off the walls of his room in a melody that you both know too well.

''Want it inside?'' He already knows the answer, but he always asks just to confirm. His thumb rubs on your clit while he holds your thighs up with both hands, looking at the way his cock disappears into your cunt, barely managing to take him all the way. The new position allows him to see more of you in a vulnerable light, and he truly appreciates just how much power he holds over you in this moment, your much smaller body writhing underneath him as your second orgasm washes over you like a tidal wave, unable to focus on anything going on around you except just how good his cock feels. You manage to give him a desperate nod, too overwhelmed to even speak, only whiny moans being able to push past your lips.

''Good girl.'' He praises in a whisper, burying himself all the way inside as he climaxes, pearly white and thick cum filling your insides, painting them a pretty color in what he hopes will finally be the time he gets you pregnant. Hopes, because he knows you're on birth control, and he knows he'll get made fun of if he ever suggests starting a family with you.

He slowly pulls out of you, tired body collapsing right next to you, holding you in his arms like you're made of glass, plump lips planting gentle kisses on your forehead, a total contrast to the man fucking you earlier.

''I love you.'' He confesses softly, the weight of the three words crushing him down every single time they come out of his lips no matter how many times he says them. Despite the lack of energy, you tilt your head, a teasing smile on your lips as you look up at him. He know that look too well, rolling his eyes and groaning in annoyance. You're definitely going to make him grow gray hairs before he even reaches 40.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buddie: 4x13 Recap in preparation for 7x9 (other ships included too)

Ok... I'm intrigued for the last two episodes now after reading the journalists' commentary who've previewed the episode. MG said 7x9 and 7x10 should have been billed as a two part finale and the GIF he used to describe it in one word was "Pain". Also, KP said it seems like they're picking up "old threads" that weren't properly explored. Well... I REMEMBER THERE'S A LOT THAT WASN'T EXPLORED BETWEEN BUCK AND EDDIE 👀 (more on them below).

I've been thinking about 4x13 and the whereabouts of all the 'ships during that episode to parallel them with 7x9 and here goes. (Buddie is last just like they were at the end of 4x13).

Bathena

4x13 - Bobby and Athena were on the outs because in 4x12, Athena mentioned after she was attacked by Jeffrey in 3x17, she was offered early retirement but she turned it down. She never told Bobby about it. They ARGUED for the first time in 4x13 and they were still arguing when Hen called Bobby in 4x14 to tell him Eddie had been shot.

7x9 - Bobby's struggling with his past and Athena's worried about him just like she was worried in 4x13 that he was hiding something from her. It's possible from the 7x9 sneak peek that Bobby might be having delusions of someone being after him.

Henren

4x13 - Toni (Hen's mother) got sick and she fainted. Hen's medical school classmates helped her figure out what was wrong with her. After she was admitted to the hospital, Toni told Hen, the medical field needed more African American doctors.

7x9 - Hen and Karen have a foster child named Mara. Reminder, they had just given Nia back to her mother earlier in season 4 and Hen struggled with it because she didn't want her to go back to Evangeline.

Madney

4x13 - Maddie was struggling with PPD and she was going through it. She was still going to work but Chimney wasn't aware of how much she was struggling until she told him. Maddie quit her job in 4x14 and in 7x7 she told Amir she used to be a nurse.

After 7x6, Madney is in a happy place so it's unclear what, if anything, they could be struggling with in 7x9.

Buddie

4x13 - Buck and Eddie’s storylines were the most intense, the most intertwined and the biggest. Reminder, Eddie didn't breakup with AF after Carla told him to follow his heart and not Chris'.

AF found out Charlie's mother was swindling people out of their money which led to Eddie figuring out she was poisoning him.

He told Buck and Chimney about it and Buck didn't even put on his uniform, he just left with Eddie.

Captain Jeshan Mehta and the 133 were dispatched to the call and Buck drove the Batallion SUV to the scene with Eddie in the passenger's seat.

Then the 3 minutes and 17 seconds that changed everything. It showed the audience that Buck and Eddie are in love with each other and if they missed it, they should rewatch the episode.

Eddie reached for Buck and in 4x14, he asked him if he was hurt.

7x9 - Eddie didn't breakup with Maris*l in 7x5 like he should have the same way he didn't breakup with AF in 4x13 like he should have.

The 133 will be on a scene in 7x9 or 7x10 and it'll be interesting to see if Captain Mehta will be there too.

Also, Eddie’s either having delusions that the woman he met either looks like Shannon or he thinks she does. This parallel with Bobby appears to be mental instead of physical this time, so if history is about to repeat itself, then it's likely Bobby and Eddie could both be suffering from delusions. Reminder, Bathena and Buddie ALWAYS PARALLEL EACH OTHER.

If TM is really about to redo a scene for Buck and Eddie that will rival the shooting and explore EVERYTHING THE F*X NETWORK WOULDN'T LET HIM DO WITH BUCK AND EDDIE THREE YEARS AGO THEN... THIS IS ABOUT TO BE EPIC!

IYKYK Buck and Eddie are in love with each other and if Eddie gets hurt again, EVERYBODY IS GOING TO SEE IT THIS TIME INCLUDING T*MMY, HELENA, RAMON AND THE 118.

The will was revealed in 4x14 and maybe it's meaning will be explored in 7x10 along with the reason why Eddie waited a whole year to tell Buck about it. It's possible it will come into play again before the end of the season, especially if Eddie's badly injured this time and the Diaz parents show up. If Helena thinks she's taking Chris to El Paso with them, she'll be WRONG because Buck’s his legal guardian.

Reminder, the 133 was there the last time but this time they'll be with their found family and Buck can't hide his feelings for Eddie, like EVER especially when he's injured or hurt.

In 7x6, the foreshadowing was there when he thought Eddie was dead while he was lying in the bathtub.

These are pictures of Buck’s face whenever Eddie’s hurt.

T*mmy doesn't have a chance with Buck because Buck and Eddie gave each other their hearts a long time ago and I can't wait until T*mmy sees it with his own eyes so he'll be gone. He won't be able to pretend Buck was trying to get his attention anymore because Buck’s going to go nuts if Eddie's hurt again. His heart will be on full display and there won't be any denying who he loves.

Buck loves Eddie Diaz and Eddie loves Evan Buckley!

I ONLY SHIP BUDDIE!

[respectthepetty]

Dangerous Romance is peak comedy

I got 99 problems, but Dangerous Romance ain't one. It feels like a Thai version of Another Gay Movie because it is squeezing in all the tropes yet taking none of them seriously, which is not a problem in my book.

Not a Problem #1 - Nava & Guy making everything into a competition including turning on the faucet. They got that Love Mechanics color-coded lighting treatment, and that's all I care about.

Not a Problem #2 - The Poor Boys treating the Rich Kids like the dogs they are by threatening punishment if they act up and dropping "good boy" casually into the conversation when they do good deeds, then rewarding them. It's puppy play meets praise kink, and I approve of it.

Not a Problem #3 - How Sailom's friends, especially Guy, thought Kanghan was trying to poison them, yet still drank with Nava because if he was going to die, he was going to die the champion.

Not a Problem #4 - Kanghan not knowing how to express what he is feeling when Sailom questions him after the kiss and expecting the kiss to speak for itself. He thought he was speaking Sailom's love language, but Sailom is clearly an "acts of service" type, while Kanghan is a "words of affirmation" guy.

Not a Problem #5 - Characters using the bathroom! Every episode, someone goes to the bathroom or uses it as an excuse to escape a dinner where they cannot make eye contact with the boy who kissed him in the bathroom because the kiss was a C- at best and he doesn't know how to tell him that without making him cry since he has a praise kink, and I appreciate it.

Not a Problem #6 - Kanghan saying that he sucks.

Not a Problem #7 - Kanghan stating he has to keep trying because practice makes perfect.

Not a Problem #8 - The tiny smile Kanghan gave when he realized he could go through the bathroom door instead of the front door to get to Sailom. And no, this is NOT an euphemism.

Not a Problem #9 - How Kanghan stood in the light because he finally figured out his feelings and he wanted to be open and honest about them while Sailom still hid in the dark blue afraid of the way he already loves this unhinged Blue Boy.

Not a Problem #10 - The pinky promise to be queer

Not a Problem #11 - The way Kanghan naturally went into Sugar Daddy mode.

Not a Problem #12 - The dumb looks these two kept giving each other in front of Sailom's friends and God as if no one else existed but each other.

Not a Problem #13 - Sailom singing JLo's 2001 hit "My Love Don't Cost a Thing" only for Auto to bring that Golden Era Madonna Energy and tell Kanghan that "We are living in a material world, and he is a material girl"

Not a Problem #14 - Kanghan liking the way Sailom smells. Kanghan wearing Sailom's clothes. Kanghan responding "no-no" when asked if he is a psycho like a cute little puppy. Kanghan's entire existence, and Sailom's annoyance of how much he loves this guy.

Not a Problem #15 - Kanghan being a WEAKASS! My family will give outsiders hot shit without any warning, just to watch them take a bite and cry, so I get a deep pleasure watching people suffer their way through eating spicy foods to save face. Like, just take the L my man, so everyone can know Sailom is superior to you in every way! Hence why I love Eddie from Kiseki: Dear to Me and Palm from Never Let Me Go. They like it spicy.

Not a Problem #16 - Sailom being horny on main when Kanghan took the blame to save Auto.

Not a Problem #17 - Auto being so tiny compared to the group. Auto getting White Girl Wasted. Auto dancing. Auto refusing to snitch on the group. Auto saying his mom is gonna be soooo upset at him like he is a (queer-coded) killer in the original Scream. Auto saying "NEVER FORGET! NEVER FORGIVE!"

Not a Problem #18 - Sailom being a gold-star gay when that girl was trying to dance with him, only for Kanghan to come in with a steel chair and demand she leave his gay boyfriend alone.

Not a Problem #19 - Sailom finally realizing just how crazy Kanghan is when Kanghan wanted to ballroom dance in the bar as a way of declaring to the whole world that they are in love, then Sailom realizing he is VERY into Kanghan's brand of crazy. *see #16*

Not a Problem #20 - Those handmade cheerleader outfits being so camp (read: fugly), that it brought the queer out of my (hidden) girl couple.

Not a Problem #21 - Sailom screaming "TROY!" again for the Wildcats in the audience who are "all in this together"

Not a Problem #22 - Guy not kink-shaming Sailom for his puppy play relationship with Kanghan since he's probably taking mental notes, so he can tame Nava using similar methods.

Not a Problem #23 - Kanghan hugging Sailom so tightly and THANKING HIM after Sailom said yes to being his boyfriend. See what a good dom can do for a brat through affirmation play? "Good boy" *pat his head*

Not a Problem #24 - Kanghan's (Perth's) smile. Sailom's (Chimon's) wavy hair. The boys cuddling up in Sailom's bed because Kanghan now needs constant positive reinforcement for his good behavior and he likes the way his boyfriend smells. Kink is really classical conditioning. Smell of boyfriend + Hugs from boyfriend = Who's a good boy? Who's the best boy? Who's my very good boy? *rubs his belly*

Not a Problem #25 - Saifah being A WHOLE FUCKING PROBLEM all episode! My wild ass theory lives!

God, I fucking love this show.

[jqmalikhsgib]

quest

six

warning: mention of abuse, sexual assault, kidnapping, guns, knives, and mention of miscarriage, murder, sexual themed

darius was a troubled kid. you couldn’t really blame him. his father was an abusive alcoholic and his mother just took the punches like a ‘good house wife’ while darius watched it all unfold.

his troubled behavior started when he was in the first grade. he’d push other kids and make fun of them. darius father blamed his mother and she’d become a punching bag.

the older darius got, the worse he became. and watching his father only made him crave more destruction.

his first crime was as simple as stealing. he started off small. a pack of gum from a corner store would give him a small drive. but over time he needed more. so he started to steal more items. some chips, a soda, hell he even stole a box of tampons once.

he loved the rush! but it still wasn’t enough. he needed to go big! so he’d started to pickpocket. took him awhile to become smooth and unnoticed. it’s why he would steal from people in different neighborhoods as practice.

when he got better he went to the north side of the neighborhood. he’d steal from the rich preppy kids and get away with it each time. none of them noticing their wallets had been gone until they arrived home.

he couldn’t believe how much cash they’d have in their pockets. it was unbelievable how stupid they were by not having a card or carrying a smaller amount. but he was making money.

still, he felt something missing. he needed a bigger rush. he just didn’t know what exactly was missing. that all changed the night his father came into his room, drunk out of his mind, thinking he was his mother.

darius tried to push his father off of him. he tried to get through to him. but this only made him angrier.

“do we have to go over this again brenda?! you’re my wife! i can take it any time i wanna.” he slurred in his sons ear.

darius just gave in. letting his father do whatever he wanted as he cried from the pain. when his father was done he zipped up his pants and spit right on darius face.

“going out for nother beer.”

darius had no idea what his mother really went through with his father until then. but he promised she would never have to suffer like that ever again. that was his first awakening.

darius planned how he’d do it. he had to carefully make it look like a stupid drunken accident. he knew he could! his father had a record.

he knew he’d get away with it. took him months to finally come up with a carefully skilled plan. he made sure his mother wasn’t home and he sat right next to his dad. darius simply asked if he wanted a beer.

he’d get up, go to the kitchen, poison said beer, and handed it to him. darius would just wait. he’d watch as his father drinks his beer and watch the football game. he would ask for another, and another, and another. until eventually he’d finally get sick.

darius smirks as he watched his father die. he’d bend down as his father eyes watered and got blurry.

“you sick fuck! i hope you burn in hell.” darius would wait upstairs. when he heard his mom screamed he knew she had found his fathers lifeless body.

he’d rush downstairs and pretends to be shocked and broken. his mother called the police. after a few days of investigation they ruled it as alcohol poisoning.

that was his first kill.

darius and his mom moved on. they moved to texas, darius mom found a new lover, got married, and smiled way more than he’s ever seen her smile.

darius even graduated high school. he met the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen and had to marry her.

she got pregnant with their first kid, tim y/l/n. darius loved being a father. but deep down he was missing something. his wife started to notice his change in demeanor.

he was distant. it was like he was a different person. so when she fell pregnant with their second child she became depressed. he was never around, never present. this caused her to lose the baby.

his wife was devastated. darius promised he’d change. he would go to therapy and figure out what was wrong.

but he never went. instead he did something he hasn’t in a long time. he stole. and it gave him that rush back. the happiness he was missing. it would work for a while. the rush of not being caught.

darius wife noticed his changes. she wanted to try again. and a few months later her and darius had their second baby boy, john y/l/n.

for two years darius was happy. he was content with just stealing. but he needed more. he knew what was missing. that rush of killing. he had never felt so much power in his life until he killed his dad. he needed more.

so darius would find his next victims. women who worked the streets. no one would miss them! they were perfect for his plan. he’d start with a woman who went unnoticed first.

he would stalk them and see who would get less customers. the one that hid in the shadows the most. when he finally found the one he’d wait patiently.

the night he picked her up he drove into a wooded area. he would park his car, be friendly, even allowed her to give him head. when she was done he’d caress her face.

darius would kiss her lovingly before wrapping his hand gently around her neck. he’d look her in the eyes as he choked her.

fighting for her life she scratch his arm. but he would only squeeze harder until she was lifeless.

darius smirks. he felt that rush again. this was exactly what he was missing.

when he finally came back to his senses he would get out of the car, walk to the passenger side, grab her lifeless body, and walk into the wooded area. darius had already dug a six foot grave hours ago. he would drop her lifeless body into the grave and bury her before going home to his wife and two children and pretending like nothing happened.

and this would last for five years.

five years after the first prostitute he killed, darius would have killed about fifty woman after that.

he couldn’t believe he got away with it for so long. no one suspected a thing. at least he thought.

his wife noticed a few things. it started when they found out they were having a girl. the way darius face would turn white. and when they had their daughter he treated her differently than the boys.

almost as if she didn’t exist. she would bring it up but darius would shrug her off. the years soon went by and darius would still ignore his daughter.

whenever abigale would climb on his lap he’d lift her up, sit her on the other couch, and go back to his chair.

he wouldn’t feed her, change her diaper, bath her. nothing! darius would only take care of the boys. his wife couldn’t stand that!

she had enough and yelled at him. this was the start of their rocky marriage. time went on, darius kept killing, the kids were getting older, and their marriage was practically over.

when the kids were teenagers, tim 17, john 15, and abigale 14, they’d noticed things.

how their father would be gone all hours of the night, their mother would cry herself to sleep, their father smelling like perfume, their mother not even being emotionally present. at that point they took care of themselves and each other.

one night they’d come home to their parents yelling. it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary but it was louder than usual. the could nearly hear them a block away.

when they got inside their mother was holding a pair of panties and shoving it in their fathers face.

“who the fuck is she, darius!”

“i told you it’s nobody’s!”

“how the hell did it get in your car then?!”

their father would walk away.

“i don’t know! do you know how many people get into my car a day?! it could have been anybody.”

“oh, fuck you! that is the most lamest excuse ever. tell me who she is!”

they’d continue to fight. moving to their bedroom and closing the door. the three siblings would sigh before turning on the tv and trying to shut out the noise. that is until they heard silence.

they got nervous. not knowing what to do tim told his siblings to stay put as he walks over to his parents room.

he knocks on the door and waits for one of them to answer.

when his dad finally opened the door he gasped. he had blood on his hands and was holding a knife.

“i—i didn’t mean to. she just—all i saw was red and i—shit!”

tim didn’t know what to do. he didn’t know how to feel. but seeing his mom lifeless body he knew he had to protect his siblings. tim knew what could happen if the police found out about this. his siblings would be put into foster care, he would be sent but eventually kicked out when he turned eighteen, trying to find a home, only to most likely live on the streets or turn to a place of crime. that would just ruin them all. he knew he had to hide this.

his siblings unfortunately didn’t listen. they ran to him after he was gone awhile and cried when they saw their mom.

“listen! you two wanna stay together right?”

abigale and john both nod their heads.

“then we have to help dad hide moms body, okay? we have to protect dad so we can all be together.”

and that’s what they did. the helped darius grab her body, dug a hole in the backyard, and buried their own mother.

that was darius last murder. but it was far from his last crime.

a year went by. tim decided to stay with his siblings despite him being eighteen. he didn’t trust his father. he was currently in school.

after what happened last year he decided to study law. he needed to know what could happen to them if the truth came out. and he would do anything in his power to protect himself and his siblings.

they didn’t talk much to their dad. he was rarely home after killing their mother. they didn’t care to know where he was. he would leave them money for food and leave until they needed more.

they were better off without him around. but their dad had other plans. he missed his wife so much.

he never meant to hurt her. he lost it and killed the one woman he could ever love. he needed to find someone similar.

that’s when he spotted her, sarah. oh was she beautiful. she looked so much like his late wife. he had to have her.

unfortunately she was with this man. he didn’t like that. he had to get rid of him somehow.

darius had made many connections over the years. living the life of a criminal he had to. he found dirty cops, scammers, thieves, drug dealers, everyone and every department you could think of.

darius even had a buddy who had connections with the military. he called him up and explained his situation. two months later the man was shipped off.

that’s when he’d make his move. he needed to be very careful though. he drew up a plan to make her his forever.

but as the months went by, her belly got big. oh, she’s more perfect for him than before. she was carrying a child. his child!

after failing his other three children he thought this was a sign. they belonged together.

but he knew he couldn’t lie to his children at home. he had to tell them the truth. they had to know everything. he promised to never hurt them like he did a year ago, ever again.

so when he got his friend from the military to finally capture sarah, take her to his home, and threw her in the basement, he told them everything.

“she’s gonna be your new mom.”

they all thought he was sick. but they kept their mouths shut. knowing if they went to the police everything could have come forward.

and as the months went by, you were finally born. and your siblings, they wouldn’t allow anyone to hurt you. even if you weren’t biologically tied to them.

“and that’s the story. our father told us everything that night. from his parents, him pickpocketing, his murders. everything!”

“why’d you stay so long? after yn was born? she wasn’t tied to you in anyway? why did you wait until she was thirteen to leave?”

“despite her not being blood she was our sister!”

“she was a little girl who got caught up into our fathers twisted ways.”

“the moment she was born we fell in love with her. she was our sister! but ultimately we had to move on with our lives. we were all happily in relationships.”

“i wanted to start my career in law and start a family with my then girlfriend, current wife.”

“i had lived near by. a few yards away and got pregnant. i knew being near my dad and the body of my mother could cause me to lose my baby.”

“and i wanted to start school myself. we were too close to our father. all of us had homes near by but we just couldn’t do it anymore. we couldn’t live so close to a monster.”

“and we knew he’d never hurt her. he was capable of hurting her mom. but never her. to him this was his fresh start to do right. and he loved yn like his own. in his sick twisted mind she was his.”

“did your father ever tell you where the other bodies were? the sex workers he killed?”

“no, but,”

“he use to take us to this woodsy area when we were kids. there was a tire swing he built and he had a shed.”

“we believe he bought land there. it’s where we think he buried the bodies.”

“do you remember where it was?”

tim, john, and abigale nod.

“can you take us?”

“yes.”

the search was set. they had the dogs sniff around and already found thirteen bodies.

they wanted to wait to go to the house until they’ve found enough evidence against darius. currently they only had bodies. they needed proof he was responsible for this.

they knew just who to get it from. chief peterson. he had no idea he was being interrogated. thinking they were waiting for another potential unsub he sat at the table.

derek and rossi sitting right across from him.

“where is this unsub? who is it?”

“just be patient. they’re coming.” rossi states.

“i don’t have time for patience! i have to prove my goddaughter did not do this crime!”

“oh? so you know miss y/l/n? we didn’t know that.”

“yeah. im a family friend.”

“pretty close to the case? don’t you think you should have sat this one out?!”

“not when it comes to my family. i don’t care about the rules!”

“how long have you known the y/l/n family?”

“forty years. why?”

“no reason? it’s just interesting how you didn’t bring this up before.”

“i don’t have to answer to you!”

“you see, charles. may i call you charles?”

officer peterson gives them a look.

“we’re here to help you solve a murder! that girl, miss y/l/n, she was the perfect unsub! at the crime scene, finger prints on the knife, on the will. everything about her was perfect. yet she was held in a cell for majority of the forty eight hours you held her, never once did you interrogate her, hell, i don’t think she knew about her godfather being a cop. you had your men speak to her for, how long did they say rossi?”

“ten minutes.”

“ten minutes before putting her back into the cell and keeping yourself hidden. because you know if she would have saw you she’d be confused.”

“we talked to miss y/l/n and asked her if she knew you. she told us you’re her godfather. you and mister darius play golf every thursday and had the impression you worked at an auto shop.”

“now how would she get that impression, derek?”

“because you told her! in fact you bought an auto shop when she was fifteen, renamed it petersons auto repair store, and took her there to see. because you had to keep up with the charade. she was turning sixteen soon. which meant she was gonna learn how to drive, get a car, and cruise down the highway. and guess what? just in case something was wrong with her car,”

“her godfather had an auto repair company she could go to get get it fixed with a family discount.”

“kinda genius, right?”

at this point peterson knew he was caught. he knew they knew more and lying would only get him in more trouble.

“i always knew this day would come.”

“why don’t you tell us everything you know chief peterson. maybe we’d cut you a deal.”

and he did. he gave them all the evidence he had on darius. all the times he broke the law and he covered it up for him.

he even went as far as helping them catch darius red handed. getting him to confess to everything.

they arrested darius along with everyone that worked for him. no charges were pressed against you any longer.

the only thing that mattered was getting your mom help. she was gonna need to go to some form of therapy. reid helped you find a program fitting for her.

you had no idea how long she would have to stay. but you were glad she could get help. being help hostage for over thirty years could really break someone.

when you reunited with your children you hugged them tightly. thanking jj for taking care of them. your siblings were shocked to learn you had been married, divorced, and had triplets. but they already adored their nieces and their nephew.

aaron stayed behind and watched. you look at him and frowned. you knew what was coming next. but you couldn’t talk now. you just wanted to get some rest with your babies.

your sister nudged you.

“stare much?!”

you looked at her. “huh?”

“i get it. he’s cute. but no need to drool.” she smirks.

“oh.”

your sister looks at you suspiciously. she looks down at your kids and looks back at you with her eyes widened.

“holy, shit! that’s him isn’t it?!”

“who’s who?” your brothers walk over to you.

“that hot fbi guy! that’s the ex husband and baby daddy!”

“seriously?!”

“a cop sis?!”

you blushed. “shut up! yes, it’s him. can we not act like children?”

“how could you possibly leave that?! fuck! if my husband looked like that id never leave the bedroom.”

“gross! abby! i don’t wanna think about you in the bedroom. i especially don’t wanna think about our little sister in the bedroom.”

“he’s coming over. go away! all of you.”

they walk away with their nieces and their nephew to give you two privacy.

“hi.”

“im gonna be staying here for awhile. i think tomorrow we should meet up. ill have jj stay as well to keep the kids—”

“we can watch them.” abigale buts in.

“are you sure abby?”

“yeah! you can drop them off at mine. im sure they’d love to meet their cousins.”

“alright. um—sure. where—where do you wanna meet?”

“ill have emily send you the information. but i think its best you unblock me as well. ill see you in the morning. goodnight yn.” aaron states before walking away.

you bite your bottom lip. you were happy this was over with your dad. but you were not ready for this conversation with aaron.

“come on darlings. let get to bed.”

finally! darius is arrested and you aren’t going to prison

but now you have to deal with aaron.

you have no idea which is worse :/

if you wanna be added or unadded to the taglist let me know

taglist:

@ivebeenthearchersstuff @shergoretzxx @slut4ethan @rosiehale23

[catoperated]

At some point we’re gonna have to talk about how toxic websites like 4chan and Something Awful (rest in piss, Lowtax) influenced trans spaces online.

I only ever used SA back in the day, and it’s now mostly forgotten that “troon” came from a portmanteau of “trans goon” (goon being a member of something awful, not like a gooner… but, eh, it’s still apt), though it was always meant to be belittling.

And then there I was, a transmasc egg surrounded by transfemmes. I didn’t know how to express that I wanted what they had but different, cause I seriously didn’t know trans men existed back then. All I saw were transfemmes, and most of them were transmedicalists. I got called a transphobe when I said wearing a skirt shouldn’t be a required part of transitioning. I have since met many cool trans ladies who aren’t truscum, but the scars remain.

At the time I couldn’t fully articulate how uncomfortable I was with the idea of transitioning to the same old binary, because I also didn’t know GNC was a thing. So for a time I was suicidal because I had no idea of the options open to me. I’m not sure that reading Theory back then would have helped. Having read Theory now (both feminist and communist), I’ve come to the conclusion people lean on it way too much, take it way too literally, never considering that the things proposed have to be adapted to changing times and circumstances. It’s almost like evangelicals interpreting the Bible literally—to everyone’s detriment.

My point being, you can read anything, watch any YouTuber, but for fuck’s sake form your own opinions instead of just throwing books and videos at people like it’ll explain everything and also must be followed to the letter. It won’t, and it shouldn’t.

Yeah, I was also briefly suicidal over leftists dogpiling disability activists for daring to get groceries delivered or using plastic straws. Only other disabled people probably remember this, but it was perpetuated by that butter cat account, which was the most surreal fucking thing to watch unfold.

I’m just tired. Tired of self-proclaimed feminists failing to recognize the patriarchy is what makes us all suffer, including cis men, and that’s the real enemy. I know radfems are largely to blame for pushing the “all men bad” narrative again with the express purpose of dividing trans people, I’ve seen them cackling about what they get away with on accounts where they pretend to be trans. It’s sad people are making their work so easy for them.

I don’t hate or resent transwomen (I can’t remember if the space is preferred or not, but I’m sitting here sweating over it, afraid someone will call out my language when “troon” is already up there), but here I am right back at that awful feeling I had when trying to say skirts should not equal femininity. Fuck, I would probably be suicidal again if not for my partner, who is the best thing to ever happen in my life (love you, babe).

I don’t know how to word this better or more succinctly. My mind wanders a lot when writing. But it’s not just me, right? I see the schism forming and it’s bad for all of us, because the people who want us dead do not care how we present ourselves or how well we pass. We desperately need to support and uplift each other if we’re going to survive all the shit they keep throwing at us all in governments across the entire goddamn world.

So yeah, we need to look at how those websites poisoned the well, as it’s where that mentality of “if you’re not queer/trans in the proper way I deserve to call you a slur” mentality comes from. The pickme urge to go “I’m not like those cringe fags/trannies, I’m one of the cool ones,” too. To reiterate, the people who want us dead for existing do not care one way or the other.

Fuck, why am I worrying about how I word this? If people are gonna interpret this in bad faith there’s nothing I can do to stop them. I just wanted to get this off my zipper-tits—which I’m stealing from you fuckers who use it against transmascs. I got my dirty testosterone fingers all over it and it’s ruined now, sorry.