#I want a woman covered in blood who believes she is wholeheartedly in the right and has a merciless messiah complex

[mr-laveau]

There are two kinds of people:

The people who want Quinn as he ise

And

The people who want Quinn to be a woman because toxic romance with a woman that slowly destroys them both except femme Quinn is living her best life as a destructive vampire with a messiah complex and no remorse for her actions.

Also she's covered in blood.

I am the second kind of people.

[creepychan08]

Oikawa x reader - A married life

"Now I'm asking you, what is this?" You shoved the screen of your phone,  towards your husband as he squinted his eyes at the sudden action.

"I told you,  I was at the company party and I-" Oikawa stopped. The picture showed him kissing a woman clad in revealing dress. His hands covered her cheeks as it looked like he was gladly returning the affection.

"Yn,  I know what it looks like but I promise you its not what it seems like to you."

"Then why are you kissing her!?" You threw your hands in the air,  frustrated at your husband. It didn't help that your hormones were skyrocketing and out of place. You were 3 months pregnant, after all.

"Look, she grabbed me out of nowhere and just forced herself on me. I was trying to push her that's why my hands were around her head. Baby, I wouldn't do that to you. You know I only love you."

You were rendered speechless at his explanation. The ache in your chest dispersing as you calm down. He wrapped his arms around you, running his hands through your soft hair.

"I'm sorry." You mumbled, hiding your face in his chest. He smell so good beneath the smooth texture of his suit. Unknowingly to you, Oikawa's eyes were tightly shut as he bit his lips guiltily.

"It's just whenever I go to your workplace, I always see her sauntering around you. She's obviously trying to seduce you. That's why I asked you again and again to avoid her as much as possible. I don't want to lose you" Voicing out your insecurities made you feel vulnerable. But you know that being in a relationship require two parties involved to be honest with each other. Communication and trust remains the strong foundation of your marriage.

"I know,  sweetheart. But tell me, who sent that picture to you?" He pulled back and just when you were about to answer,  another chime from your phone took both of your attention.

You clicked it open. Oikawa right by your side as he curiously look at your text. You didn't mind it. There was nothing to hide from him anyway.

The message opened to reveal a video. Tapping the play button, it shows your husband furiously making out with the same girl in the earlier photo. They were situated in a corner,  away from everyone as some of his coworkers were busily drinking.

You hands started shaking as tears unconsciously poured from your eyes. Feeling your husband tense from beside you only confirms your theory. The video soon ended and there was tense silence.

You looked up to see Oikawa with his head bowed, hair covering his eyes. Even from your position, you couldn't see his expression. But it didn't matter. The video says it all. You didn't bother asking for explanation this time.

Slowly, you begun untangling his arms around you. Letting out a hollow laugh, you shook your head in dismay.

Funny how you always laugh at those cliche movies whenever a girl experiences heartbreak. They always portray it as a physical pain, symtoms similar to a heart attack. But you deem it as bullshit. Sure, it hurts. But its impossible to feel that much pain just from losing the one you love, right?

So why does it feel like you're dying now? Your heart still beats. But it feels as if it was literally torn and stamp repeatedly. You tried to breath normally but something lodge in your throat and why can't you breath properly?  Why does your lungs seem to stop working right when you need it most?

"Yn!"

"YN!!!"

Choking back a gasp, you return to reality as you see Oikawa panicking as he held you.

"Are you okay? Breath slowly, baby" He instructed, rubbing his hand soothingly on your back as you tried to regain your senses.

"Why, Tooru?" You finally gathered the courage to ask. The feeling of betrayal rang loud and clear on your hoarse voice and he winced from it.

"I'm sorry Yn. I'm sorry for lying. I got pretty drunk at the party. I lose control. We haven't done it for a while after you got pregnant and she was there and just flaunting around and kept rubbing me, saying things how she's going to make me feel good and I just- I!" He rambled, truth finally spilling from those lips you loved so much. His eyes were everywhere but you.

You didn't know what to feel. You asked for the truth, right? But you feel so much worse now.

"Are you blaming me for being pregnant, Tooru?"

"Shit,  no Yn-"

"We planned this together! You said you wanted to build a family with me. And we both decided to refrain from any sexual activities while I'm in my early pregnancy to avoid any possible complications while the baby is being developed. We talked about it and we both agreed! So why are you turning it against me now?"

"I know it wasn't an excuse, Yn! And I know I'm wrong. God,  I'm so wrong.Please, forgive me." Oikawa sobbed, tears cascading down the smooth expanse of his cheeks as he begged for your forgiveness.

"If you can't help yourself then maybe I shouldn't have agreed to have a baby with you!" You cried, anger radiating off you in waves.

"All those nights you came home late. Was it because you were taking your sweet time with her? Hm?" You smiled at him mockingly and his eyes widened in protest.

"No, Yn!" He tightly clutched your arms, desperately forcing you to hear him out, "Listen to me. I took all those overtime to gain extra money. That was in preparation for when our baby comes! Please believe me when I say it was for us!"

You looked at him with dull eyes. The aftermath of the fight just leaves you exhausted. You didn't know what to believe anymore. This was the man you had vowed to be with for the rest of your life. This was the man you wholeheartedly love and respect. Trust had always been your foundation,  hasn't it? 

Where has all the trust gone to?

You placed your hand on your belly. Wondering if he or she can feel the pain their father just bestowed to you. Hopefully not. You never want any harm nor pain come to your baby.

"I'm going to sleep. I'm tired." Coming up with a lame excuse, you turn to walk away when a hand firmly grasp your arms, not in a painful way.

"Lets talk about this, Yn. I don't want us to go to sleep tonight without resolving this issue." Oikawa pleaded with you, eyes begging for a chance. Any time, you will easily give in but after what happened, you don't know how to face him.

"I don't know what to say anymore, Tooru. I just want to rest." You smiled at him resignedly. Oikawa gritted his teeth. His heart throb painfully. How can you say that with such look on your face? Knowing that he caused your pain only increased the frustration and guilt running through his veins.

With a sigh,  he unwillingly yielded to your request. Letting go of your hand,  he watched your back face him as you slowly walked further away from him.

He will later learn that that was the biggest mistake of his life.

That night, both of you slept in the same bed as usual. Although a few inches only separates you, both your hearts were distanced with an invisible barrier. One trying to forget the pain it experienced,  while the other trying to find ways to have you back to him.

It was dead silent. You were tilting in between reality and dreams when a sudden, sharp pain tore through your abdomen and you screamed in pain. Startling your husband who immediately checked on you.

"Yn-chan,  are you okay?  What happened!?" Oikawa asked,  panic covering his features as he took in your pain filled expression. He felt the sheets wet and he clicked the bedside lamp open to see your side in bed covered in blood.

Your pupils dilated as you took in the sight. Another stabbing pain washed over you and you keeled in agony, stifling your screams. You barely felt Oikawa whisper comforting words to you before quickly lifting you up to bring you to the hospital.

My baby. No,  I can't lose him/her. Was the only thought going through your mind.

"It hurts" you groaned in pain as Oikawa comfortingly grip your hand with one of his own as he drive with one hand. (AN: Not safe. Don't do this guys. Always drive safely)

"Take deep breaths, love"

"My baby" Sobbing in distress, you held on your stomach and Oikawa felt like vomiting. A lot has happened in the past couple of hours and the thought of something happening to your unborn child didn't help the queasy feeling in his gut.

"I'm here, Yn. Nothing will happen to you nor our baby." Pretending to be strong for the both of you, he forcefully blinked the tears forming on his eyes.

Everything happened fast after that. It was like everything was a blur for him. You were quickly taken in the emergency room before you were transferred to the operating room. The doctor and nurses explained what was happening to you and what they were about to do. He numbly agreed to what they say. Only repeated over and over again that they must save you.

Before long he found himself waiting outside the operating theatre. His ears were ringing as he looked at his surroundings. It was surreal. Like his body was there but his consciousness somewhere else. He was only brought back to reality when he felt harsh tugging on his shoulder.

"Oi,  Oikawa get a grip on yourself!"

"Iwa-...chan..? How did you get here? "

"You texted me,  did you forget?"

"Ah.. Right" Oikawa mumbled, blankly staring at nowhere in particular. He felt drained but the anxiety running on his body did not allow him to even get an ounce of rest as he waited for the news on his wife and baby.

Iwaizumi frowned. It was unusual to see his bestfriend so distraught. He still didn't know what happened after all, Oikawa only texted him that he was in the hospital after something happened to his wife. But he felt asking would be too insensitive on his part so he stay silent and tried to just be there for his bestfriend.

"It was my fault,  y'know" Oikawa finally spoke after some time.

Iwaizumi patiently waited for him to continue, silently confused on Oikawa blaming himself.

"We had a fight. She saw me making out with the girl she hated from our company. Somebody sent her a video of it."

Iwaizumi was shocked. He knew Oikawa was a huge flirt back in their high school days but that he also outgrew it when he fall in love with Yn Ln. They were happy together and rarely had a fight as much as he knew. Or was it all a facade?

Suddenly,  he felt anger rush through him at the foolishness of his bestfriend. Messing around when he knew his wife was pregnant! Iwaizumi opened his mouth to curse at his close friend when he was frozen at the sight.

Oikawa was staring at him with regret painted all over his face. Tears continuously fall on his cheeks. The usual light in his warm, soft eyes was gone and all that was left was an endless pit of misery and hopelessness.

"I screwed up, Iwa-chan" He whispered, defeated.

Flinching in response, Iwaizumi's anger quickly switch into sympathy for his friend as he assessed his poor condition.

"She's strong. Stop thinking on the worst scenario. Just focus on what you will do after this." While giving him a reassurring pat on the back. Oikawa released a shaky breath as he nodded at his friends' advice.

Suddenly,  the doors to the operating room opened and a doctor wearing scrubs came out. Two nurses were by his side.

"We're looking for the husband of Yn, Ln"

"That is me"

Oikawa quickly stand up from his seat and approach the doctor. He was then escorted to an empty room where the two nurses silently left him and the doctor to discuss the aftermath of the procedure.

With his heart beating loudly, Oikawa eagerly fired questions to the doctor.

"How is she?  How's my wife?  My baby?  Were you able to save them?  When can I see them?"

The doctor resignedly took of his mask.

"I'm sorry to inform you,  Oikawa-san but the baby didn't make it. Your wife had a spontaneous miscarriage. It has no specific cause. Women in their first trimester or early pregnancy are more prone to experience it that's why stress must be avoided at all times especially during this sensitive period in a womans' body."

Oikawa felt like being doused in cold water. He stayed frozen while staring at the doctor who looked grim. After seeing all that blood came out on his wife,  he already knew deep inside that they lost the baby but he simply refused to believe it. He hang on to that tiny hope that maybe their unborn baby can be saved.

He shakily gulped, feeling his heart break. The pain was intense. They were looking forward to the arrival of their first child and for this to happen-

"What about my wife? Can I see her now?" He was hurting. Greatly. But he couldn't imagine how his wife was faring. She was the one carrying their child, after all. He wanted to comfort her and be there for her.

"I-" the doctor stopped and cleared his throat. Oikawa felt something amiss. Like an impending doom but he quickly tried to shoo the thought away.

"Doctor, how is she? I want to talk to her as soon as possible."

"That is another matter I must discuss with you, Oikawa-san."

The nerves were killing him and it took all his self restraint to not jump across the table and force the surgeon to speak at once.

"There was.. a complication while we were taking the fetus out of her. The amount of blood was greater than what it should been. We quickly transfused blood into her but it wasn't enough. We tried to resuscitate her but in the end she.. died due to heamorrhagic shock."

For a moment, Oikawa forgot how to breath. The world around him turn to black and white and the only words resounding in his mind was that she's dead, she's dead repeatedly.

It didn't fully sink in yet. Until he saw his wife, his beloved Yn, lying still in the operating room. Her face was pale under the glare of OR lights. And if he didn't know any better, it looks as if she is only sleeping peacefully after a long day. But as he caress her cold cheeks, no more warmth emanating from those cheeks he love to kiss so much, he was slapped with the bitter reality that she's not coming back.

No more warm smiles and sweet kisses from his wife as he return home after a long day at work. No more delicious meals waiting for him at the table as they talked about what happened during their day. No more cuddles and whisper of i love you's in the darkness of the night as they lay entangled from the after event of making love.

The perfect picture of a happy family with their son/daughter shattered in his mind as he loudly grieved for the loss of his family.

Kami-sama if you are real,  please let me return back time. Let me be with my family again. Please give me a chance to make things right...

Oikawa loudly gasped as if coming back to land after drowning. He find himself gazing at the ceiling in their room. It was dark. Where was he?

A slight shuffle and then,

"Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare, Tooru?"

That sweet, melodious voice.

Oikawa slowly turn towards the source of sound to see, much to his relief, his beloved wife gazing at him with concern while rubbing the sleep out her eyes.

"Yn-chan" He choked, lunging at her to give her the tightest embrace.

"Woah there,  big guy" You chuckled,  patting his back. You stilled when you felt something wet trickled down your neck.

"I'm so glad! So glad to be with you, Yn!" The pure, raw emotion coming from your husband surprised you as he continued to sob on your neck, clinging to you like a lost baby.

"Please don't ever leave me again!  Kami-sama,  thank you for bringing her back to me!" Oikawa yelled, voice muffled as he continued to shove his face around your neck.

"What has happened to you, dear?" You worriedly asked and pull his face away to wipe some of his tears.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You suggested,  talking about his nightmare.

"No need, love. I just want to say that I *kiss* love *kiss* you *kiss* so damn much!"

You giggled at his affection, loving his kisses.

"Oh and how many months are you again?"

"Silly, did you forget? I'm just two months along. 7 months to go"

Oikawa heaved a sigh of relief. Turning to your stomach,  he leaned down and pulled up your shirt.

"Hey,  little one. I'm so excited to meet you. But for now,  be good for mommy, okay?" Placing a sweet kiss to your stomach,  you smiled at your husbands' attention as you run your fingers through his hair. Oikawa gladly reciprocate your smile with his own.

This time, I'll love you with all of my heart. I won't make the same mistakes again. We will be a happy family, Yn.

Extended ending:

"Yes you heard it right. You're fired." Oikawa coldly said to his assistant. The one who destroyed his past life and made him and his wife suffer.

"But! I-" she whined pathetically, trying to win his sympathy by acting like a pitiful slut. But Oikawa was having none of it.

"I said. Get. Out." The fiery glare in his eyes send shivers down her spine and she immediately booked her way out of his office,  whining like a bitch along the way.

Another extended ending:

7 months later, you tiredly smile at the little bundle of joy in your arms. After 18 hours of grueling labor, you finally had your healthy, baby boy.

"I'm so proud of you." Oikawa wiped the sweat along your forehead as he softly kissed you.

"Thank you for bringing our baby to this world. You make me the happiest person alive, Yn. I love you two so much and I swear to protect you both for the rest of my life." He whispered, tears springing in his eyes at the emotional moment.

"As do I,  Tooru. As do I." You swore,  sealing that promise with sweet kiss.

Fin

[boldlyvoid]

Hypothetically | chapter 11-15

summary: Reader and Spencer were friends in kindergarten, she watched him grow up and explore the world while she was still trying to catch up to him. now that they work together, they fall in love incredibly fast.

friends to lovers, case of the week style story

A/N: Set between seasons 4 and 6, not following canon. all original crimes based on real-life stories.

Warnings 18+: Murderers, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Blood, Guns, mentions of autopsy, Fluff, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, bed-sharing, Riding, Unprotected Sex, Virgin Reader, Case of the Week, original crimes, Food mention, Smut, Oral Sex, Light BDSM, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Talk, obgyn appointments and info, Home Invasion, Past Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Emotional Manipulation, Grooming, Pedophilia mention, non-con oral (male receiving), Pregnant Sex, Daddy Kink, Breeding Kink, Homophobia, conversion therapy

Word Count: 10k

chapter 11

“I got him!” Penelope came running into the bullpen. “The VICAP counsellor! He did it again!”

She ran up the stairs with her computer in her hands, straight into the briefing room. Everyone followed her.

“Last night in Kansas, a woman reported that the school guidance counsellor might be toughing her daughter. I called the local PD and explained the situation. They gave me his school photo and, boom, Peter Van Swank.”

“So he hasn’t raped anyone that we know of?” JJ asked.

“No, so I asked them not to let this get out. That he can’t know they’re on to him,” Garcia was frantic. “I’ve sent you all the information, and the plane is prepped and ready when you are.”

“Thank you, baby girl,” Derek kissed her head as the team scrambled out of the room.

On the plane, Garcia was FaceTimed in and waiting to give a run down. “He’s currently identifying as Jacob Hultman, 56. The school counsellor and substitute gym teacher. All ‘round icky man who I would very much like to do this to:” she ranted before smacking her fist against her other palm.

“Okay, calm down there, hot stuff,” Morgan laughed at her. “What’s he doing today?”

“The police have asked the Principal to call him to the office when we land, where an officer is going to cuff him and bring to the station for us,” Garcia explained. “They’re prepping search warrants for his property and his computers; they’re just waiting for a team to assist at the scene.”

“Prentiss, Y/N, and Reid, I want you to go to his house and search it all, top to bottom, take the walls down if you need to. We need to know what else he’s hiding. This man is capable of a lot.” Hotch instructed. “Garcia, can you ask them to wait till Morgan and I are outside the school. We should expect him to try to run.”

“on it,” Garcia said before disappearing off the screen.

“Let’s get this fucker,” Prentiss said, fist-bumping Morgan from across the table.

—

At Van Swank’s house, they split into teams to search the place. CSI was digging in the yard; they were lifting loose floorboards and fake bricks in the fireplace. Looking behind mirrors in the bathrooms, and then Y/N saw it.

“Spence, Emily?” She called out.

Spencer and Emily ran down the stairs. Towards the room, Y/N was in, where she had moved the couch and rug and found a hole in the floor. “Who’s going down there?”

“Not it,” Prentiss said.

“I can hold the flashlight?” Spencer offered.

Y/N huffed and moved the wood from the hole, finding stairs and a railing underneath. Spencer held a light over the hole while Y/N took her gun from her holster, taking it off the safety before heading down the steps.

The flashlight at the end of her gun was on. She kept her back to the wall as she looked around the room. “Hello? Is anyone in here?”

She could hear whimpering, “my name is Y/N, I’m with the FBI. If you’re trapped down here, I can help you.” She offered into the darkness.

“I’m here,” a small voice said. Y/N almost got whiplash turning towards the voice.

A girl no more than 16, was naked and alone, chained to some pipes in the corner of the room. “Spencer, I need a blanket or something to cover her up quickly. And we need to get her out of these chains.”

Y/N set her gun down, kneeling in front of the girl. “Do you know your name?”

“He called me Rosie,” she cried.

Emily came down the stairs with a blanket and bolt cutters. They freed her from the chains around her body. They wrapped her up and brought her upstairs into the light.

An ambulance arrived shortly, but the girl wouldn’t let go of Y/N. “Don’t let them take me.”

“I’ll come with you to the hospital, I won’t let anyone touch you without your permission okay? But you need to see a doctor,” Y/N explained to her.

“Okay,” she cried, holding onto Y/N’s hand for dear life as they walked towards the ambulance.

They loaded her up, Y/N sat down in the seat across from her and buckled in. “I know he called you Rosie, but what did your name or anything about who you are?”

“I don’t remember,” she cried.

“That’s okay, you don’t have to remember right now,” Y/N soothed her. “You’re going to be okay.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah,” she smiled. “We’ll find your family and you’ll get to go home. You’ll get a nice bed and soft clothes. Your family probably misses you so much, they’ll be very excited to see you.”

“Okay,” she smiled, slipping off to sleep.

At the hospital, the doctors and Garcia were able to match her to a missing child case from Milwaukee in 2004. Emma Carlton, then 9. She was taken from a schoolyard in the same town Peter Van Swank was pretending to be a school counsellor.

“How was he able to pull off all of this?” Y/N asked Garcia over the phone as Emma slept.

“I did some digging into all his previous identities, just to make sure we didn’t miss anything else and I found he had renovations approved by the City at his home in Omaha before he disappeared,” Garcia added. “So we are sending a SCSI team there now to make sure he didn’t do the renovations just to hide bodies.”

“So he’s a pedophile, a serial rapist, a child captor, and possibly a murderer too. Sick, can I play ‘how the fuck did he get away with this for so long?’ for $600?” Y/N felt the sarcasm seeping out of her body. She was so angry and didn’t have any way to get it out.

“Hey,” Garcia’s tone changed. “Are you okay?”

“I just finished my period,” she replied nonchalantly. “And my IUD expired so my hormones are nuts right now.” Remembering that she needed to call her doctor and switch to condoms as soon as they got back. “But I’m fine, it’s just seeing Emma like this you know? She’s just a little girl.”

“I know, but she has you right now to protect her and soon she’ll start to recover. But you call me if you need me. I know this one is a rough one.” Y/N could hear the smile in her voice.

“Thanks, Garcia.”

She hung up the phone and not 2 seconds later, Hotch called her.

“We got him to confess about Emma before we even told him that we found her. He seemed concerned for her?” Hotch explained.

“She is terrified of him. The doctors said she’s been horrifically abused and she’ll probably need to get a few bones re-broken so they can set them right,” Y/N shook her head, absolutely sick.

Hotch sighed, “he also said we’ll find 3 bodies under the deck at his wife’s house.”

“I fucking hate this guy,” Y/N couldn’t stop herself from replying.

“Me too,” he agreed. “Local PD is sending officers to relieve your duty with Emma. We’re flying back out in the morning.”

“I’m going to stay here till she wakes up, so she isn’t scared when I’m not here,” Y/N explained. “Will you let Spencer know?”

“Sure, be safe.” He hung up.

She sunk into her hospital chair and looked at Emma. She was so frail, her hair had been shaved off. She had cuts and burns and bruises all over her body and Y/N couldn’t stop herself from tearing up.

They were lucky she didn’t pick Van Swank up at the high school. She would have killed him for this.

“Y/N?” Emma asked.

“Hey,” she replied, getting up and standing beside her bed. She picked up her hand and held it. Using her other hand to rub her hair. Feeling the prickle of the buzzcut on her palm. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” she smiled softly. “Where’s my family?”

“Do you remember your name yet sweetheart?” Y/N asked.

“Emma, my mom is Sherry and we were at the park,” she whispered. “He had a puppy.”

“Your mom is on her way here now,” Y/N watched as Emma smiled up at her. “Officers are going to stand watch until she and a social worker get here. I’m going to leave my number here with you in case you want to call me when you’re settled at home, to let me know you’re safe.” Y/N hugged her softly. “you don’t have to be alone in recovery.”

“Thank you for saving me,” she whispered into the hug.

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

—

Back in the hotel room, she found Spencer reading. She gave him a quick kiss before going to the bathroom and changing for the night. Splashing water in her face and trying to shake the anxiety out before she settled in for the night.

She flopped into bed. Sighing as she settled against the pillows. Spencer looked down at her, “how is she?”

“As you’d expect.”

“Yeah,” he awkwardly pressed his lips together. “Do you want to talk? Or watch a movie?”

She took the book out of his hands, placing it on the table before sitting in his lap. She moved his hair out of his face and looked at his big brown eyes. He was tired, she could see it in his face but she wanted to feel something good.

“Can you show me how a real man is supposed to love a woman?” She asked.

He turned off the lamp beside them, kissing her neck immediately before laying her back against the bed. Doing exactly as she asked.

With every kiss to her skin, he accompanied it with praise. He was extra gentle as he helped her strip from her clothes. He asked permission every step of the way. She slipped away into their little bubble, forgetting about the world outside their hotel door.

She held him close as he rocked into her, “I love you,” Spencer reminded her. Saying it for the millionth time that night.

She smiled every time, believing him wholeheartedly.

chapter 12

Months of cases passed in the blink of an eye. Before she knew it, the BAU went from being her dream job to her family, all gathering to celebrate an early Canadian Thanksgiving dinner at Rossi’s house.

They just so happened to have the right weekend off in October, so they took the chance when they could.

Having Turkey and all the fixings, going around the table to thank each other for another safe year on the job, making Y/N cry alongside the always blubbering Penelope.

Y/N was sat in the living room after dinner, an 11-month-old Henry snuggled into her side as he made her read the same book over and over. JJ knew he’d be smitten with Uncle Spencer’s girlfriend, because whatever Spencer was doing, Henry had to copy.

She loved it, missing all the time she used to spend with her Niece back in Las Vegas. She let Henry snuggle in close, kissing the top of his messy blond hair.

Spencer, Will and JJ were in the kitchen behind them, she could hear them lightly talking to each other as Henry started to fall asleep on her.

“Are you thinking about kids yet?” JJ asked him just after Will excused himself to the bathroom.

“Always,” Spencer replied. “The day Y/N wants a baby, I’m ready. I never thought I’d get to be a dad.”

“You’re a fantastic uncle, I can’t wait to see a little Spencer.”

Y/N picked Henry up softly, resting his sleeping head against her shoulder. She walked into the kitchen, JJ placed her hand against her heart and swooned at the sight.

“Do you want me to carry him to your car?” Y/N asked.

“Please, Will’s in the bathroom before we go, here’s the keys,” JJ handed them to Spencer, “I’ll be out in a sec.”

Y/N slipped on her shoes, Spencer held the door for her and Henry. “You look good holding a baby,” he complimented her. “Do you ever think about having kids one day?” He asked softly.

“Sometimes,” she said as they reached the car, she waited for Spencer to open the door.

She laid Henry in his car seat and carefully buckled him in. Making sure it was nice and tight and his head was correctly secured.

She closed the door lightly and turned to Spencer, “having kids scares me.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t ensure that they’re safe and fine all the time. My parents were great and I love them but I look at all the shit that happened to me and how they barely know any of it, and I can’t bear the thought of our daughter getting hurt. Or our son being an abuser, god forbid,” she explained.

“I think that’s normal for a parent to feel,” Spencer replied. “Especially one that works in this field. Hotch and JJ both struggle to do this every day and go home to an innocent little boy who they want to protect.”

“I know, it’s just really anxiety-inducing for me right now.”

“What is?” Will asked in his calm southern accent as they approached the car.

“Babies,” Y/N pressed her lips together in an awkward smile.

“Same and then poof, Henry popped up,” JJ ran her hand over her belly. “It’s absolutely terrifying every moment of every day, but the love you experience makes up for it. If I didn’t have Henry in my life, I’d never know what it truly means to love someone so much you’d kill for them.”

“As you should,” Will laughed, knowing she’d kill for him too even if she didn’t say it.

“Well,” Y/N sighed, “you get that little sweetheart home and tomorrow tell him aunty Y/N had a wonderful time with him.”

“Of course,” JJ brought her in for a hug, saying goodbye for the night.

Y/N and Spencer walked back around to Rossi’s backyard where he, Emily, Derek and Penelope were still sitting around a gas fireplace. Everyone with kids had managed to sneak out.

Y/N sat in Spencer’s lap, he held her in his arms as she put her legs over the arm of the chair.

“Margs?” Penelope asked her and Spencer.

“Sure,” Y/N smiled, taking one from her.

“I have to drive,” Spencer said.

“Stay in the guest house tonight if you want to drink, I don’t mind,” Rossi offered, and Penelope put a glass in Spencer’s free hand.

It was so lovely having time off. Sure, they weren’t alone but Y/N basked in the warmth of the fire and the feeling of Spencer’s hand on her side. She pressed her head against his shoulder softly. Ignoring her margarita, feeling drunk on Spencer’s company.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” he kissed the top of her head.

“You guys are cute,” Penelope commented on their sweet moment. “I’m jealous.”

“why, baby girl?” Derek asked her, “come here.”

Penelope got up and jokingly sat in Derek’s lap. They pretended to be all loved-up on each other while the rest of them laughed. “Better now?” He asked.

“Totally,” her sarcasm overly noticeable.

The rest of the night was mostly the same, laughing at dumb jokes and teasing each other. The rest of them drank until 1 am, Y/N stopped after only one drink. She was exhausted by the time they finally broke apart to sleep in the different rooms of Rossi’s gigantic house.

Drunk Spencer wasn’t something that Y/N was used to, even after just 2 margaritas. He was giggly, handsy, and adorable as hell.

Y/N pushed him into the room after finally getting him up the stairs and away from Derek. If it was up to him, he would’ve been up all night telling everyone anything they wanted to hear.

“But-“ Spencer said as she started taking his shirt off in the non-sexy sense.

“Shut up,” Y/N laughed as she pulled the shirt off his arms. “Can you take your own pants off and get in bed, please?”

She watched him struggle out of his belt, “I’m going to get a glass of water for your night table. You better be in that bed when I come back, mister.”

“Doctor,” he corrected her as he tugged his jeans down.

She slipped out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen. Filling a glass of water and taking a Tylenol from the bottle Prentiss left on the counter.

When she returned to the room Spencer was sitting under the cover’s watching the door, “wow, you listened.” Y/N was shocked.

She placed the pill in his hand and the water on his table, “it’ll make you feel better when you wake up.”

“I know how it works,” Spencer confirmed.

“I’m sure you do,” she laughed.

Y/N took her dress off, laying it over the chair in the corner of the room. She removed her bra and looked through the drawers in the room to see if Rossi had any shirts hidden away.

Sure enough, she found an abundance of old FBI Academy t-shirts in different sizes.

She crawled into bed beside Spencer and cuddled up to him. “Thank you,” she said as he settled against her.

“For what?”

“For asking if I wanted to meet your co-workers that day,” she felt oddly emotional. “Working for the BAU was such a far-off dream for me, I thought I’d be in VICAP for years before I even got considered for a position there. I don’t think I ever really thanked you for making my dreams come true.”

Spencer kissed her neck, “I just needed an excuse to see you all the time, and now you’re mine.” He wrapped his arms and legs around her so tight she had to tap out of his grasp.

It didn’t take them very long to fall asleep, finding a single position, huddled together in the middle of the bed. Just as fast as they fell asleep, it felt like they were being woken up.

Garcia knocked on their door at 8 the next morning, peeking her head in with Morgan just behind her. The two of them burst through the door and sitting on the end of their bed like kids on Christmas morning.

Spencer and Y/N groaned, hiding their faces in the pillows.

“We have a case, a pretty nasty one,” she announced.

“Hotch wants us at the plane in an hour, gives you enough time to race home and get back to Quantico,” Derek patted Spencer on the shoulder. “Come on Shaggy and Velma.”

Y/N sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “I don’t have pants on, can we talk later?”

“Yeah, sure come on,” Penelope pushed Derek out of the room.

Spencer let out a deep sigh, “good morning, love.”

“Good morning,” she stretched with a yawn, “so much for sleeping in.”

—

Y/N and Spencer made it to the plane with 5 minutes to spare, they sat down together and immediately closed their eyes, settling into the chairs and taking a quick nap with Spencer’s head on her shoulder.

They slept through take-off, then Hotch startled them awake. “Yep,” they both sat up, pretending they weren’t just asleep.

“This is Linda Rivers and her daughter Amelia,” Hotch introduced everyone to the two extra people on the plane. “Amelia is going to sit in the back and listen to a movie with headphones while we discuss the case.”

JJ helped her do just that, sitting close by in case she needed anything.

“Linda came to the FBI at 6 am this morning insisting to speak with anyone who solves child rape cases,” Hotch explained. “Her ex-husband, Captain Rivers with Colorado PD, is in a ring of men who groom and prep their daughters for an annual child sex swap.”

“Excuse me?” Y/N sat up straighter, feeling sick.

“Amelia told me that her father had been touching her on her, parts,” the woman could barely say it. “I got her to explain it as we would with a student, I handed her a doll and asked her to demonstrate what her father asked her to do and I recorded it.”

Penelope sent the file to the in-flight computer, showing them a video of the same little girl in the back of the plane with JJ, only she was traumatized and explaining what her father did and said to her. Y/N hated every minute of it, feeling her body temperature change as she got angrier.

“She said it started last November. He was getting her ready to swap daughters with his buddies, I don’t know if it’s the whole police force or other members of the community. I’m already a cop’s ex-wife, I didn’t expect them to take me seriously. So I came to you.”

“You did the right thing,” Y/N comforted her.

“She only told me because she wanted to know if it would happen again this Christmas, and that’s when it hit me. There’s a father-daughter camping trip that the local dads do right before Christmas. One of the dads owns a golf course with cabins on the property. He said they’d be ice fishing on the lake and riding snowmobiles, but,” she started to turn a shade of green. “He brought her there to trade with his buddies and rape another mother’s child.”

“It made him easy for us to find, however,” Garcia cut into the icky situation with her digging. “Martin Rivers actually did pay to stay at that cabin on the weekend she is referring to. So did the 4 other fathers, and I’m guessing the owner, Barry Chapman, stayed there in the last free cabin as well.”

“I’ve invited a female child psychologist to help us interview the children, as well as a female pediatrician to do physicals on the girls. The Colorado Field Office is waiting for confirmation on the men’s names in order to bring them in.”

“Already sent, they’ll let us know when all 6 men are in custody,” Garcia confirmed.

“What area do you live in?” Y/N asked.

“Boulder,” Linda confirmed.

Y/N and Spencer looked at each other, immediately thinking about the JonBenét Ramsey case.

“You can go join Amelia,” Hotch smiled at Linda, “we’ll keep you filled in.” They watched her walk to the back of the plane, switching seats with JJ.

Y/N kept to herself for the remainder of the flight. Writing in her little book as she over-thought the situation. Recalling all the JBR case info from memory, trying to figure out why her brain wants to connect these cases so bad.

—

When they finally landed in Boulder, they sent Linda and her daughter on their way to the Field office in a different SUV than the team.

“Hotch, can I have a word with you when we arrive at the office?” Y/N asked as Hotch drove the SUV, she sat in the passenger seat beside him.

“Do you have an idea?” He asked, “you can say it here if you want.”

“JonBenét Ramsey was from Boulder, Colorado. She wet the bed that night she was murdered and the unsub was able to get in, and out, without it looking like a break-in took place. What if the fathers in this town have been secretly rotating through their daughters every Christmas?” Y/N hypothesized.

“Wetting the bed is a sign of molestation, if he was grooming her like Amelia said her father was, she might have known what was going to happen that night and resisted,” Morgan agreed. “We could be dealing with a community-wide pedophile ring.”

“I’ll make a call to Child Abduction Rapid Deployment, they have connections to everything we’d need to deal with a child sex ring,” Hotch confirmed. “This case is going to be a rough one.”

At the field office, Hotch introduced Dr. Peggy Greenwood and Dr. Anya Accardi to the team. Both women specialized in child sexual assault and were there to help to the best of their ability.

JJ and Y/N were on mom duty. While each of the girls had their physical exams and interview with the Doctors, it was their job to keep the mothers calm. One by one they walked them through the allegation and asked for their perspective of last year’s cabin trip.

All the moms were the same, they never expected that their husbands would ever be able to do something like this to their own child.

“They might not be,” Y/N said to almost every mother. “If they’re bringing all the girls, it’s to exchange them. They might not touch their own children, they just groom them into thinking it’s okay for their friends to touch them.”

Every time she explained that they cried. Which was completely reasonable. This was the worst thing a parent could think of for their child, and Y/N felt for them all.

JJ noticed her mood, she knew something was off. She waited till she was alone with Y/N to ask if she was okay.

“Me?” Y/N asked as if they weren’t the only 2 in the room.

“Yes,” JJ ran her hand along her back. “Are you doing okay?”

Y/N sighed. Taking a moment, “no.”

“Do you want to tell me yet?” JJ asked.

“No,” Y/N was honest, she didn’t know who to talk to yet.

Derek knocked on the door lightly, “hey.”

“I’m going to grab a drink, do you want anything?” JJ asked Y/N, she shook her head to say no and watched her squeeze past Morgan.

Morgan closed the door and sat down beside her, “day’s like today are tough.”

“You have no idea,” Y/N sighed again.

“Actually, I do,” he corrected her, staring into her eyes with truth and honesty. “I was molested by my mentor growing up, it went on for years until I moved away. We arrested him a few years ago but it’ll still always hurt.”

“No one believed me, and he was only 3 years older than me so no one really cared either,” Y/N explained.

“I’m sorry,” he soothed her. “If you want to take a step back, I get it. But these girls need what we didn’t get. Offer support and justice before the damage overwhelms them.”

Y/N nodded, she knew he was right. “What are we supposed to do now?”

“All the mothers are pressing charges against the fathers, this has officially become a case for the state to deal with. Local feds are taking the case and sending us home in the morning for an internal review,” Morgan explained.

“How internal?”

“The NSA has agreed to monitor Boulder for any other pedophile activity, they believe your theory that there is a long-running child sex ring in the area and they’re going to do everything in their power to find out who’s behind this.”

Y/N smiled lightly, “they should invest in more female psychologists to do interviews on all the girls all the way up to the high school to see who else has similar stories. I’d even go on the news asking any girl who has a story like this to come forward.”

“They’ve already had a few women in their 20’s come in saying it happened to them too when they were 8 to 12,” Morgan said. “They’re going to put a lot of bad guys behind bars.”

“Thank god.”

—

In the hotel that night, Y/N couldn’t stop thinking about a world where fathers subject their children to sex slavery. She had felt sick all day, her stomach swelling and making noises all night.

“The world is horrific,” Y/N didn’t realize she was crying as she looked up at Spencer.

He was sitting beside her, reading a book in complete silence while she laid down, staring at the ceiling. “Hmm?”

“Those little girls really thought it was normal for her father’s friends to have sex with them like it was just a weird game they had to endure. That was their normal. There are people all over the world whose lives are absolutely horrific and we have no way of knowing. And no way of helping?” She ranted.

“You help when you’re asked, whenever a case comes in I know you’re going to find a connection and save someone’s life.” He said softly. “You can only control what’s in front of you, and you do that perfectly every time. You may not be able to save everyone, but your impact on the world is life-changing for those who get to experience it.”

“Sorry, I’ve been emotional and annoyed and sick to my stomach all day,” she explained, rolling into his side and resting her head on his shoulder.

“You’re not pregnant right?” He attempted to make a light-hearted joke.

She sat up slowly. “It’s October.” She whispered.

“Yeah?”

She looked at him, terrified. She swallowed sharply but it never made it all the way down, she covered her mouth and ran to the bathroom.

chapter 13

Spencer held her hair and rubbed her back as she leaned over the toilet. She wiped her mouth with some toilet paper and flushed it before laying back against Spencer’s chest.

“I was supposed to call my doctor 2 months ago and change my IUD,” she admitted. “It expired September 3rd.”

“You had your period that week, then we were in Kansas,” Spencer confirmed.

“And I made a mental note to tell you that it expired and that we need to invest in condoms, but then that case got insane and we had sex… right after,” she recalled it all.

She rubbed her hands over her eyes, she couldn’t believe she forgot. “Fuck,” she was so mad at herself.

“I think JJ knew,” Spencer said. “I think that’s why she asked at Rossi’s if I was thinking about kids, you cried at the dinner toast. And you don’t ever cry at work.”

“She also asked if I was okay today and if I wanted to tell her, and I said no,” Y/N added, “I thought she meant if I wanted to explain why I was so triggered today.”

“She has a 6th sense for pregnancies,” Spencer chuckled to himself.

Y/N stood up slowly, “I’m going to go talk to her, I need to talk to someone who’s been pregnant right now.” She didn’t wait for his response, she just walked into the hallway.

JJ and Emily were sharing a room tonight. She took a deep breath and knocked on their door, hearing their laughter pause as JJ came to the door. “Hey,” she smiled.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“Oh my god, come in.”

Y/N sat on the edge of JJ’s bed, both Emily and JJ in her face asking questions she couldn’t hear. Her whole world was frozen. Emily handed her a bottle of water and JJ ran her hand over her back lightly to calm her down.

“We support you in any decision you make,” JJ said.

“Okay.”

“We mean it,” Emily added. “JJ has had a kid, I’ve had an abortion. We can both help you, whatever path you choose.”

“I can’t believe I’m pregnant,” She repeated. Still in shock.

“Have you taken a test?” Emily asked.

“No.”

“Okay,” she said, slipping into her shoes and grabbing her wallet. “There’s a store across the street, I’m going to get a handful of tests.” Emily left the room and JJ didn’t say a word, she just rubbed her back.

“I need to go to the doctor, I need to get my IUD out before it hurts the baby, I wasn’t supposed to get pregnant,” Y/N worried. “I didn’t want kids yet.” She cried.

“It’s okay,” JJ tried her best to soothe her. “When we land in the morning I can drive you to the ER and we can get it removed.”

“Okay.” The shock was starting to settle and subside.

“You might not even be pregnant, this might just be another period coming, you never know,” JJ tried to calm her down.

“I’m pregnant,” she looked at JJ, tilting her head with a look. “You knew.”

“Your boobs changed,” she smiled. “And then you cried at dinner, and you felt sick on the plane, you’ve never been sick on the plane before. You also had a nap, and I know from experience that you’re exhausted right now.”

“Spencer’s going to be a dad,” she smiled, then she cried. She couldn’t believe it, she was going to be 29 in a few months and finally, she was going to be a mom.

JJ hugged her, “Henry is going to have a cousin!”

They were in a completely different mood when Emily returned, “I got like 12?” She panicked.

Y/N peed in a little plastic cup, letting her friends dip all 12 different tests in it. Laughing at the absurdity.

“Oh my god,” Y/N said quickly, “Penelope!”

“Shit,” JJ panicked then too, the both of them running down the hall and banging on her door.

Morgan answered, “What?!”

“Penny!” They panted, “we need you now!”

She grabbed her slippers and pink fuzzy housecoat and ran with them back to Emily and JJ’s room. “What?” She asked once they closed the door.

“I might be pregnant,” Y/N grabbed her hands and looked her in the eyes, absolutely ecstatic.

“Oh my god!!!” They all screamed and jumped around taking a moment to really just celebrate it.

“They’re ready!” Emily called from the bathroom.

Y//N stood there, taking a deep breath and staring at the 12 tests all placed face down. She went for the clear blue first, that one would be the most honest. She turned it slowly.

Pregnant + 3-5 weeks.

“Oh my god,” she whispered.

Everyone was quiet, waiting for her reaction before reacting themselves. Y/N quietly flipped a few more tests, seeing lines and plusses galore. She grabbed a handful of them and walked out of the room towards Spencer.

She walked into the room to see Derek, once again, sitting on the bed talking to Spencer this time. She handed him all the tests silently, tears falling down her face. She wasn’t sure if she was happy or just pregnant.

“Pregnant,” Spencer confirmed. “Are we happy?”

She nodded as she dove for his arms. Hugging him tightly while the rest of the team gathered in the hallway, clapping and cheering. She expected to get a noise complaint soon. She couldn’t stop crying and laughing, getting tears and snot all over the shoulder of Spencer’s shirt.

By the time she calmed down, everyone had gone back to their own bedrooms. Leaving Spencer and Y/N with 12 positive pregnancy tests, all alone. They were laying flat on their backs, staring up at the ceiling, hand in hand.

“I have to go to the ER in the morning to get my IUD removed,” was the first thing she said to him.

“Okay, I know the gynecologist there. I will call her and ask if she can do it, she’s really good.”

“And can you ask JJ about her OB? We need some recommendations,” she asked lightly.

“Of course.”

“How do you feel about the name Matthew Reid?” was her next question.

“Matthew Gideon Reid,” he corrected her.

“Yeah.” She smiled. “Matthew is another name for Levi, and he’s always been the best little brother.”

“Gideon was the first father figure I ever really had,” Spencer said softly. “So you think it’s a boy?”

“I don’t know, I just always wanted a boy named Matthew first,” she turned her head to smile at him.

“So you’re all in?” He asked.

She nodded with a soft smile, “raising a baby scares me, but raising your children is going to be the best thing I ever do.”

—

They landed back in Quantico around noon. Spencer drove Y/N directly to the hospital, calling in his personal favour beforehand. They arrived to find the on-call gynecologist waiting to take her up to the procedure room.

The removal went smoothly, but they wanted to keep her for the night to make sure she didn’t bleed or miscarry in the night. The doctors didn’t tell Spencer anything more.

Seeing as Y/N wasn’t awake yet and Spencer wasn’t her husband, they couldn’t tell him much. That made him even more scared.

Spencer wouldn’t let go of her hand. He barely slept, he just watched her sleep with teary eyes. He had never felt a love this strong. His heart was beating so hard and so fast he thought he was going to have a panic attack.

When he finally did let go of her hand, he stood up to go get something to drink, only to find Gideon standing in the doorway.

He rubbed his eyes, thinking this was surely the sleep deprivation. But he was still standing there, unamused as always. “I’m really here, kid.”

“Why?”

“Heard you fell in love and got a girl pregnant. Figured you needed a father to talk to,” he admitted.

Spencer walked over to him, hugging Gideon for the first time in a few years. “So, how are you doing?” Gideon asked as he guided Reid towards the cafeteria.

He took a deep breath, “scared.”

“So was I,” Gideon admitted. “However, unlike me, you’re not going to screw this up.”

“You don’t think?” He asked, genuinely seeking praise.

“No,” he shook his head. “It’s impossible for you to be a bad father, you’re so hyper-aware of wanting to be present for this kid because you never got enough time with your own father.”

“How did you know?” Spencer asked.

“Because my son is a father now too, and he loves his kids. He works short days so he can pick them up from school, he’s never missed a soccer game or said no to anything they’ve asked of him,” Gideon sounded proud but jealous. “And he won’t talk to me, those aren’t my grandchildren. I walked away when he needed a father, and he’s never going to do that to his children. Neither will you.”

“I’m more worried about what Y/N will do,” he admitted. “Her job is her dream, but her mother didn’t work until she was 12. I don’t think she’d want to take the time off, but I have a feeling she’ll beat herself up over it.”

“Are she and Jennifer close?”

“Very.”

Gideon raised his hands in a small cheer, “has she ever put Jennifer down or called her a bad mother for working?”

“No.”

“She’s a smart girl, clearly if she’s with you. You will make it through this, okay? You didn’t ruin her career by getting her pregnant,” he reassured him.

“Thank you, I really needed this,” Spencer smiled, pulling Gideon into a second hug. “Would you like to be the grandfather to my child, They're going to need one?”

Gideon had to bite his lip to stop himself from crying, “on one condition.”

“Anything,” Spencer replied quickly, tilting his head to the side wondering what it could possibly be.

Gideon handed him a set of keys. “The house I shared with my first wife,” he explained. “It’s been empty for years, all I have to do is sign the deed over and it’s yours. You need a nice home for my grandchild.”

Spencer was shocked, “are you sure?”

“It deserves to be filled with love and laughter,” Gideon smiled. “Take care of them.”

“Thank you.” Spencer hugged him tightly. “For everything.”

chapter 14

Y/N cried every time she woke up from surgeries, she didn’t know why but she did. Her body hated being forcefully put to sleep for long periods of time.

By the time she calmed down and was able to wake up fully, her doctor was arriving in the room to give her the results of the surgery.

“Hi, Y/N, I’m Doctor Fiona Ashbury. I removed your IUD.”

“Hi,” she sniffled. “Spencer is basically my husband, he can hear all of this.” She confirmed.

“Okay great,” she smiled. “So everything went well. Your baby is doing great and we estimate that you are around 5 weeks along now. The pregnancy was intrauterine and should make it to term. You should expect your little bundle of joy around June next year.”

Y/N smiled up at Spencer who was staring back down at her like she was the only one in the room, “how long till we can go home?” Spencer asked.

“The nurse is going to come and give you one last check-up before you’re discharged. I’ve included my personal card and all the info about my good OB friend. Seeing as this is your first little one I thought I’d help you find the best person in DC to help Dr. Reid.”

“Thank you,” Spencer said, looking at Dr. Ashbury. “Your father was one of the best professors at CalTech. Your recommendation means we can really trust her.”

“Of course, let me know if you need anything else. Congratulations again,” she smiled one last time before leaving.

Y/N waved as she left, “she’s lovely.”

“How are you feeling?” Spencer asked softly.

“Good, kinda feel a little pinch still in my uterus,” she complained.

“We’ll ask the nurse if that’s normal,” Spencer smiled. “but are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “still really tired. Did you take the day off?”

“Hotch gave us 3 days, but he said we can add more. The 3 days is just so Strauss didn’t intervene,” he explained.

“Okay,” Y/N smiled before falling back asleep.

Spencer talked to the nurses on Y/N’s behalf after that, telling them she felt a pinching in her uterus, to which they said it was normal but Y/N had asked for no drugs to be administered. Pinching and bleeding were normal in the first trimester, no matter how scary it felt. He tried to remind himself of that.

Spencer tried his best to recall all the info he read when JJ first got pregnant, never wanting to be unprepared if anything happened to her in the field. Spencer stepped out into the room and saw Dr. Ashbury in the hall.

“Dr. Ashbury,” he said softly.

“Dr. Reid, how are they?”

“Good,” he smiled, “really good. Um, I was just wondering what kinds of vitamins and supplements I should pick up for her on the way home tonight?”

“The discharging nurse will have all that information in with the discharge papers, however,” she smiled at Spencer like he was a superhero. “It’s wonderful to see a partner take this much action so fast.”

“Thank you. I love her very much,” he made it clear.

“It’s very obvious you two are going to make beautiful kids,” she nodded slightly and walked towards the elevator.

—

Y/N was discharged later that night, Spencer pushed her down the hallways in a wheelchair, holding all her stuff in a bag over his shoulder. She could barely keep her eyes open as he brought her to the car.

“Can we stop at KFC?” she asked softly.

“What?” He laughed, thinking she was asleep the whole time he was driving.

“I want chicken tenders and fries with gravy, oh and they have really good potato salad,” she let her cravings run wild.

“You’re pregnant alright,” Spencer laughed, turning around in a parking lot and heading towards the nearest KFC.

He went through the drive-through, getting them both a late dinner. Y/N asked for a few of their frozen strawberry cheesecakes at the end of the order as well.

They ate in the parking lot, the car was turned off and the sun had completely set over the town. It was dark, they managed to park under the only street light in the KFC parking lot.

“This is perfect,” Y/N said as she all but stuffed the chicken tenders in her mouth. “The baby is so happy, you get a dad point.” She laughed.

“I’m going to collect dad points like PhD.'s,” Spencer replied, letting the sleep deprivation control the words that left his mouth.

“I’m so glad I didn’t wake up to them saying we were having twins,” Y/N admits, “when you said they wouldn’t tell you anything without my permission I thought, ah, fuck, it’s twins for sure.”

Spencer laughed. “Twins don’t run in my family and it’s normally hereditary. If you have twins in your immediate family, then you’ll be more at risk to have twins.”

“I know, my mom thinks I was supposed to be a twin cause she miscarried and then got pregnant way too close together. She said that her and my dad were giving up and then suddenly she was still pregnant with me,” Y/N explained. “I could’ve had a twin brother.”

“It happens a lot, mostly with twin absorption. However losing one embryo and keeping the other would make a lot of sense,” Spencer said as he continued to eat his chicken tenders.

“When should we tell them?” Y/N asked.

“Our parents? Most women wait till the second trimester to tell their friends and family. You reach the second trimester in 7 weeks,” Spencer already knew everything and it made her smile.

“What else do you know?”

“Right now our baby has a tail,” he laughed. “It’s still just a small sack of cells, the embryo is starting to develop its spinal cord and brain, running from the head to the rump. It’s roughly the size of an orange seed and you’re finally developing your placenta which will ensure that the baby sticks to the uterine wall and that they receive all the proper nutrients.”

“So, when will we hear the heartbeat?” she asked, impressed with how much he knew already.

“The first system to be operational is the circulatory system, When you're 5 weeks pregnant, the baby's heart is made up of two tiny channels called heart tubes and they're already hard at work. When those tubes fuse together, our baby will have a fully functioning heart, so probably by the end of next week?” He hypothesized.

“Can you believe that we made a human?” She asked, looking at him with absolute wonder. “All we did was have sex and suddenly we made a whole life.”

“It’s amazing,” Spencer agreed. “I’m just not excited to be changing your cat litter for the next 35 weeks.”

“You get to scoop up cat shit, and I get to hope that she doesn’t rip me a new asshole on the way out. You know, totally comparable,” she teased him.

“She?” Spencer asked.

Y/N blushed, “I don’t know, I had a dream in there that we had a little girl.”

“My mom always said she’d have a granddaughter first, and she’s never wrong.” Spencer’s smile was her absolute favourite. His teeth were perfect and he always looked so, so happy.

“What girl names do you like?” She asked him softly.

“I’d like for Diana to be one of her names.” He said. “I also like Marigold.”

“MD would be her initials,” Y/N pointed out, “she’d be the other half to your Ph.D.”

His laugh was perfect, he was so insanely happy and tired that he was a giggling mess. They finished their dinner, threw out their garbage and drove home finally.

Her bed had never felt softer. She laid down and basically passed out. Buddy jumped up beside her and buzzed around her belly, laying down directly on her stomach and kneading her with his paws.

Spencer crawled in beside them, kissing her belly and then her lips. “I love you both.”

“We love you, more.”

chapter 15

Her first baby appointment just so happened to be on Spencer’s birthday. Only thing was, Y/N forgot all about his birthday in all the crazy anticipation of seeing their baby for the first time.

Penelope, however, didn’t forget a birthday. ever.

They were in the OB waiting room when she got a text detailing a party at Rossi’s that Y/N was supposed to keep hidden from Spencer. Her only job was to get him to Rossi’s house at 8 pm.

“Oh my god,” she whispered to herself as she read the text.

“What?” Spencer asked, trying to read over her shoulder before she quickly locked her phone and turned it upside down.

She turned to him, trying to hold in tears but her pregnant brain had other thoughts. “I forgot your birthday today, I almost went through the entire day without wishing you a happy birthday,” she whispered.

“It’s okay,” he laughed, rubbing his hand down her back. “Being a dad is the best present I could get.”

She laughed as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “You know, I always knew your birthday and I’d remember it every year. I would always sit up and wish I could tell you happy birthday. Then, of course, the year I see you again I forget it.”

“Funny how the world works,” Spencer smiled.

The office was tiny. JJ had recommended this OB to them, saying she was wonderful, like having a friend in the room with you. That was just the type of intimacy that Y/N wanted when bringing a baby into the world.

“Y/L/N,” the receptionist called her name as she walked into the lobby. “We’re ready for you.”

They got up and followed the woman into the back office. She was handed a gown and told to take her clothes off and get on a table, she would be seen shortly by a doctor, and that’s when it all really hit her.

She was going to have an ultrasound, and she was going to see her baby for the first time.

She didn’t mind changing in front of Spencer, she took off her dress and draped the gown over her body before sitting on the crinkly papered bed. She hated every second of the noise the paper made against her body as she tried to get comfortable in such a compromising position.

Spencer sat down in the chair beside her. She couldn’t help herself from looking around the room. Paying attention to anything else to keep her anxiety at bay.

The walls were a nice shade of pink. Much more calming than the hospital blues and greys. There weren’t any posters about lumps or diseases, nothing about the damage smoking could do or other images of ruined organs.

All she saw were baby photos all over the walls. All belonging to women who chose these OBGYN’s to deliver their children. Every baby was so different, some cute, some absolutely adorable.

Then she saw Henry. He was wrapped up all tight in a blue blanket and the smallest little hat ever. He was in JJ’s arms, her swollen cheeks smiling wide as she showed off the biggest love of her life.

“One day our baby will be on that wall,” she said to herself, letting the facts sink in.

“Yeah,” Spencer smiled at her like she was the sun and it was his job to just orbit her for the rest of time.

“Good afternoon,” the doctor said as she walked in. “According to Jennifer, I’ve been tasked with bringing the next Steven Hawking into the world?”

Y/N laughed, “as long as he’s healthy, I don’t care what his IQ is.”

“I do,” Spencer joked. “It’s nice to meet you Doctor Korrapati, we’ve heard wonderful things about you.”

“As have I,” she smiled, sitting down on the little rolling stool at the foot of Y/N’s bed. “I read in your chart that your last period was September 3rd, meaning you’re most likely due June 10th... putting you at 8 weeks as of tomorrow.”

“Yep, that sounds about right,” Y/N confirmed. “Are we going to be able to hear the heartbeat today?”

“I don’t think so, but there’s always a possibility,” she smiled. “Have you ever had an internal ultrasound?”

“No,” she shook her head.

“Alright, well it shouldn’t be that weird for you just a little uncomfortable,” she explained as she picked up the wand and slathered it in lube.

Y/N looked over at Spencer with wide eyes, it was gigantic. He squeezed her hand a little tighter and winked at her. Letting her know that everything was fine.

It was uncomfortable, she felt it in angles she had never thought existed down there. Dr. Korrapati kept the screen facing away at first. Rolling the little ball on the cart around and typing in everything she saw.

“We’re measuring right at 8 weeks,” she said as she turned the screen to Y/N and Spencer. “This,” she pointed. “Is your little human.”

It looked like a jelly bean, the tail was shrinking as the limbs were starting to look more prominent. “Here you can see the ears are starting to grow, and if you look closely we might even see some little fingers and toes in the webbing.”

Y/N cried, “he’s so cute.”

Dr. Korrapati smiled, “we won’t know the sex for a while yet. Unless you’d like to run genetic testing next week?”

“How do they do that?” Y/N asked.

“NIPT or non-invasive prenatal testing is a simple blood test. Inside your blood is not only your maternal DNA but also fetal DNA. We can check for down syndrome, trisomy 18 and a handful of other chromosomal abnormalities. Another benefit is we’ll know the chromosomal sex of the baby,” Dr. Korrapati explained softly. “It can be done in week 9 and the results take up to 10 days.”

She nodded along as she listened, it would be nice to know what’s going on with her baby on a more scientific level rather than just looking at an ultrasound and guessing. “I can stop by during lunch next week and do the test.”

She printed off a dozen photos of the baby, leaving Y/N with a warm hand towel to clean up and change back into her clothes. But as soon as she left the room, Y/N and Spencer just sat there, staring at the photos of their baby.

“You’re not scared to know if something is wrong with the baby?” Spencer asked softly.

“No, I’ve always held the belief that if you want kids you better love whatever child you bring into this world. If something comes up positive on the test it doesn’t mean something is wrong with the baby, it just means we’re going to have a different experience raising our child than someone else’s,” she explained, feeling more passionate than she thought she would.

“That’s a beautiful way of looking at it,” Spencer kissed her on the cheek. “You’re going to be a great mom.”

“You’re going to be a great dad, birthday boy,” she smiled up at him. “Let’s go get some dinner, just the three of us.”

“I’d love to.”

All she wanted lately was a chicken caesar salad. She had been eating mostly salads for her daily nutrients, but there was something about the dressing, and the bacon and the croutons that made it feel like her tongue was having an orgasm.

They weren’t kidding when they said pregnancy cravings hit different.

Spencer and JJ had explained almost every aspect of pregnancy in agonizing detail to her over the last few weeks. She now knew that the reason she felt sick all day was because her uterus was the size of a small bowling ball and her digestive tract couldn’t handle big meals anymore.

Garcia took it upon herself to fill her mini fridge with lots of snacks (all high in fibre and calcium), greens in the form of salads and juices, and Kit Kats for her sweet tooth. Who knew getting pregnant meant getting pampered all day as well?

She stuck to lots of snacks throughout the day, skipping big meals to avoid the sick feeling in her throat from lingering all day long.

On the rare occasion that she did eat a lot, like on her boyfriend’s birthday, it made her belly look even bigger than it really was. She sat in the driver’s seat on the way to Rossi’s, having to push her seat back a little so that she could fit behind the wheel properly.

“Where are we going?” Spencer asked.

“I was thinking we could take a look at properties over here. We’re going to need a place with more than one bedroom in 32 weeks,” she reminded him, lying to get his attention away from the road to Rossi’s.

“You’d rather live in the country?” He asked.

She shrugged, “I’d like something bigger without having to pay a lot. We can get a house with 3 bedrooms for a quarter of the price if we leave the city.”

“It would be closer to work,” he agreed. “Turn down this road here, there’s a place for sale that I’ve always liked.”

She followed his direction, following the gravel road into the darkness. At the very end of the road, there was a house, big and beautiful. Tall pillars wrapped in ivy, dark brick, big windows. The outside lights were on, but it was clear no one lived there currently.

She pulled into the driveway and the two of them got out to walk around the grounds. Around the back, there was a huge backyard. The patio was a lot like Rossi’s only it was covered by a roof with lights.

The back entrance was beautiful, the painted green metal and glass framing the kitchen beautifully against the brick. She peeked inside, pressing her nose against the glass. Marble countertops, green cabinets, the most beautiful backsplash she had ever seen.

“It looks like no one has touched it since the ’80s,” she whispered.

“It has 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. It’s an entirely open concept downstairs, the office space is my favourite. There’s a wall of old wooden bookshelves that would probably hold my collection,” Spencer explained.

“But how much would this place be? It’s definitely up in the 7 to 8 hundred thousand range,” she said, her voice muffled against the glass as she kept staring at the kitchen.

Spencer handed her a set of keys. “Don’t worry about that.”

She held the keys in her hand, noticing that the keyring also had a ring on it. “What is this?” She turned to him, holding it in shock. They were standing in the dark in a backyard she didn’t know, it was unreal.

“Gideon came to see me when you were in the hospital,” he explained.

“Like... the godfather of the BAU? And your honorary dad? He saw me in the hospital? Why didn’t you tell me?” Y/N asked, feeling like the whole situation was beyond comprehensible.

“I think JJ called him, he knew I’d need someone to talk to because I couldn’t call my dad.”

“And he just gave you the keys to this house?”

Spencer nodded. “It was his house with his first wife. He said it deserved to be filled with love and laughter. I didn’t tell you right away because we were busy signing all the paperwork and insuring it. I also had internet and an alarm system put in so you’d feel safer.”

“Spencer, this is all too much.” She kept moving the key around in her hand, looking at the ring that was attached to it.

She slowly took it off the keyring, twisting it around the metal before taking a closer look at it. The silver band glistened under the yard light. The green stone shimmered to high heavens, taking the attention away from the pearl that accompanied it.

It was beautiful.

“The green stone is because I know how much you love the colour, and the pearl is the baby’s birthstone. Let’s just hope they actually come in June otherwise that’ll be awkward,” he smiled.

“Are you asking me to marry you, Doctor Reid?”

He took the ring from her hands and got down on one knee. “I know you said you’d only agree if we felt exactly the same after a year, but I don’t think we’ll ever feel the same we did that day. Every day I spend with you I discover that love runs deeper than I ever thought possible. It’s never-ending with you. I’m never going to feel the same way about you 2 days in a row, I’m always going to love you more and more.”

She couldn’t stop crying. “I just wanted to stall you before taking you to your birthday party!” is all she was able to say, making Spencer laugh.

He got back up to his feet and wrapped her up in a tight hug. “Which is why I thought this is the best time to surprise you.”

She held onto him tightly. “Okay,” She whispered. “I’ll marry you.”

He pulled back to look at her, holding her face in his hands as he leaned in for a kiss. Breathing her in like he never wanted to separate from her.

When he did, however, he placed the ring on her finger before kissing her knuckles. “Let’s go to that party.”

“What about the house?” She asked, looping her arm around his as they walked back to the car.

“We can come tomorrow when the sun is up, then you can really tell me how you feel about it.”

—

She tried her best to fix her mascara in the car, not wanting the team to see that she had been crying. They were running late and Penelope kept texting her, but she didn’t care. She quietly sat beside Spencer as he drove to Rossi’s, giving her a chance to stare at the ring.

Her life was completely different now than it was when she woke up. She went to bed not really believing she was pregnant yet, only to wake up and see her baby, get engaged and be handed keys to a house. It felt fake, impossible and completely overwhelming.

They pulled into Rossi’s driveway around 8:30, slowly making their way to the backyard where the party had already started.

“There he is!” Morgan cheered, causing everyone to turn towards the door and yell happy birthday at him.

Penelope quickly placed a golden hat on his hand and covered him in gold streamers. “Happy golden birthday to our golden boy!”

“28 on the 28th,” he smiled, fixing the hat with his free hand. “I’m also going to be a dad!” He announced to everyone, who already knew.

They all cheered again, giving them both a million hugs and high fives. “What’s this?” JJ asked, holding Y/N’s hand up.

“A ring?” Y/N replied, biting her lip so she didn’t laugh at her own sarcasm.

“Oh my god!” Penelope cheered, “so much is going on I need to sit down.”

“Me too,” Y/N laughed, rubbing her dress down over her belly to show how much it was sticking out. “I’m so overwhelmed.”

“Come on,” JJ walked her to the patio table. “How was your appointment?”

“Good,” she smiled, everyone followed and sat around the table. “I love our OB.”

“Pravina is wonderful,” JJ agreed. “Did you get any photos?”

“Here,” Spencer dug them from his pocket and placed them on the table, everyone took a copy.

“He’s got your big brain alright,” Morgan laughed.

“One can only hope,” Rossi chimed in. “This child is going to be a natural-born profiler.”

Y/N was so overwhelmed, she zoned out while everyone talked about their possible genius baby. They made bets on when they’d be born as well as how big they’d be, just normal workplace betting.

“You okay?” JJ asked softly. “Do you want to go talk?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” she smiled, standing up with her, smiling at Spencer as she walked away.

They were quiet for a bit, walking around the side of the house towards a gazebo by the lake. It was chilly, they could hear the birds communicating on the water and the wind blowing through the trees.

“Gideon gave Spencer that house over there.” She pointed.

JJ’s mouth fell open, “you’re kidding?”

She shook her head. “How hard is it to be a mom and work for the FBI?”

JJ just smiled at her. “Hard. But it’s worth it.”

“How do you do it?”

“Luckily, Will really enjoys being a stay-at-home dad,” she said, shrugging. “But it does put a big strain on things. He has needs, he has goals and ambitions and sometimes I can’t always help him with those. But we love each other and we love Henry, and we make it work.”

“I know I’ll want to come back too soon,” she admitted.

“That doesn’t make you a bad mother. You’re allowed to have a life, as long as you go home and you put all your love and energy into them,” JJ reassured her.

Y/N hugged her softly. “You have to promise me something.”

“Anything?” JJ replied, brushing her hair with her fingers while they hugged.

“If anything happens to me you won’t let Spencer spiral,” she pulled back. “I doubt anything will happen, but if it does he needs to be a dad still, and I need you to remind him for me that I’ll never think he’s a bad dad for having a hard time dealing with it. I just need him to be there for our kid.”

“Of course,” JJ replied.

“You’re the only one who gets it,” she explained, pressing her lips together into a soft smile. “I’m sorry if this is too much but it’s been on my mind for the last few weeks.”

“It’s okay, I made Spencer promise to do the same for Will if I die,” JJ smiled right back. “We’ll be okay.”

“Thank you,” Y/N hugged her again.

“Let’s go see if that baby daddy of yours wants to dance,” she changed the topic to a more cheery one, escorting Y/N back to the party.

[dent-de-leon]

Mollymauk, 4, 5, 11, 13, 14, 15, 21, 22 :D (feel free to trim down if this is too many)

asksjkdf I'm sorry in advance because I got a little carried away so this got a little long, but thanks for the ask! I love any and every excuse to talk about Mollymauk...

4.) Best places to kiss on their body

I think Molly is actually very partial to forehead kisses! I feel like he uses that to ground Caleb in part because it’s something that’s always been very comforting to him--for instance, when Yasha finally gets to embrace him again, she also kisses his forehead. I think I remember Molly doing this for the twins back at the carnival too, so I feel like it’s a habit he picked up from the circus? Just the kind of little thing you do for someone to show you love them.

Aside from that, I think he would really appreciate a kiss on the neck, where most of his blood hunter scars--and that haunting red Eye--are. A bit of loving tenderness to soothe the pain.

5.) Guilty pleasures

Oh I love this pick for Molly cause boY does he have a lot of these!! He builds a life off joy and hedonism, so he’s got this in spades. I forget where, but I’ve definitely seen someone theorize before that the reason base pleasures are so appealing to Molly is because he started out just feeling like an “Empty” body, so anything that’s very stimulating on a physical level is very grounding for him? I really like the idea of that. I think wanting to feel like he was really “alive” and “whole” is part of why he gravitated towards decadence and indulgence, anything that made his heart beat faster.

The episode where we get the famous “Long may I reign” scene definitely covers a lot of his favorite indulgences. But as much as he loves being spoiled, I think he also likes making sure the people he cares about are pampered like royalty too. Taliesin mentioned before that the reason Molly likes gold so much is because he’s got this very childish perception that money is Good because you can use it to get Nice Things that make other people Happy. Since Molly’s been alive for only two years, I feel like a lot of his guilty pleasures actually stem from this sort of sentiment. The fact that he’s still so young and everything in the world is very new and exciting and he just wants to be as happy as possible--and make his loved ones happy too. It’s a very endearingly innocent sort of view.

11.) Bad or petty habits

Hmmm I feel like the one thing that makes Molly the pettiest is when someone tries to tell him his tarot readings are bullshit lmao. Even if he mostly thinks so himself, he adamantly refuses to hear it from anyone else.

13.) What gets them flustered

I think whenever someone is being very genuine and having a real heart to heart with him. Molly is perfectly at ease talking bullshit or telling pretty lies. He’s also very comfortable being very sincere and compassionate when it comes to comforting others, like the little ways he’s always trying to cheer up Jester, the forehead kiss for Caleb, promising Fjord the Nein won’t let him die, bringing Yasha a four-leaf-clover with the wish that one day she’ll feel happier.

But whenever people are openly affectionate and trying to have an honest conversation with him? I think that makes him tense up and panic a bit. He’s not good with letting himself be vulnerable, dropping his showman’s performance. We actually see a lot of this when Molly is resurrected and starts going by Kingsley. He knows he has feelings for the Nein, but he’s definitely a little nervous and overwhelmed when he confronts that.

Several times, Caleb assures King he’s still welcome in the Nein, and that always makes Kingsley either defensive or very quiet, keeps catching him off-guard. “Well for starters, you are with friends.” “Perhaps this is your first time meeting us. It's our second time...Stick with us.” “We have a habit of taking in strays.” “This is the newest member of the band.” Being accepted just like that, loved by all the Nein so unconditionally, just like that? I think it leaves him a little shaken, because he doesn’t feel like he’s done anything to earn it. Like he doesn’t deserve to be this missed and wanted and loved.

14.) Ingrained habits/forces of habit

I think there are some nights where he keeps looking over his shoulder and feels like he’s being watched--when the Eyes of Nine start to itch and burn, when it feels like something’s crawling under his skin--and he looks at the mirror and swears he sees a face that looks just the same but somehow isn’t his. And for a while after he first wakes--and again when he’s resurrected--I think there are still moments when he’s scared or panicked and he’ll just keep repeating Empty over and over.

I also really like how Taliesin used to just pick a random card from his tarot deck to decide what Molly should do. I can definitely see Mollymauk doing something similar--just pulling a random card from his deck on a whim, trusting it’ll lead him in the right direction.

15.) What it takes to make them cry

I feel like Molly rarely cries, mainly because he hates feeling sorry for himself or ruminating on any bad memories. He’s kinda funny that way; he refuses to let himself be unhappy, especially when he feels like he’s always living on borrowed time. The one thing I can see really making him break down is seeing his loved ones hurting--he literally spits at the face of his own death, but I think he’s really terrified of losing someone else.

If there’s one scene where I can really see Molly crying, it’s when Jester falls in that final battle. When Caleb makes this desperate plea that breaks through to Molly for a single heart-wrenching moment, “You’re killing her, you’re killing her! You love her. You’re killing her!” The absolute horror of that shakes Lucien’s control for just a moment, and Molly claws at his own face in retaliation. You can just tell how much his heart is breaking just then, how scared he is, how much he must hate himself. I could definitely imagine Molly shedding a few tears right then, if he had enough control of the body to do it.

Having to watch Lucien use his body to kill Jester and Caleb, the amount of pain Lucien caused Yasha and all the others, the nightmares of his death and black chains that forever haunt him after--I think those are the kinds of things that would bring Molly to tears in his lowest moments. And when he finally reads Beau’s book and finds out about how Yasha suffered a similar fate under Obann? Yeah, I think he’d get choked up over that too.

21.) Turning points in their life

Oh, there’s so many interesting twists and turns Molly’s life takes in just a few short years. Undoubtably, I think every life, death, and rebirth left the biggest impact. The fact that he woke all alone that first time--and then found himself surrounded by so many loved ones a lifetime later--I think that had a profound impact on his sense of self worth and his attachment to others.

That first life, Molly convinces himself that he must have been someone awful before, to have been left alone in an unmarked grave on the side of the road. With no one who missed or mourned him. He believes he somehow deserves that fate. And when he’s taken in by the circus? Taliesin mentions he never spends more than 24 hours alone. He’s...very lonely, I think. Someone who can’t bear to be isolated again. So when he wakes up again to a whole family of people who love him? Who welcome him wholeheartedly and insist they’ll love him unconditionally, no matter who he is? It’s beautiful, and it means the world to someone like Mollymauk/Kingsley. “I’m looking forward to the future. And I hope to deserve to have woken up surrounded by such people.”

Molly’s also mentioned that it was the Moonweaver who helped guide him when he first woke, who gave him comfort in having a new start in life. “Can you imagine what it would feel like to not feel anything about anything that had happened to you so far?...It’s very freeing. It’s the best thing--It’s the thing that happened to me. It’s not the best thing that happened to me, it’s the thing that happened to me. I found peace in building a new person. The Moonweaver--” However he came to worship the Moonweaver, I think it was definitely one of the most formative experiences in all his lives. I also like to headcanon the woman in a red coat Molly/King met in his dream was another visit from the Moonweaver, and she was either trying to return his memories or offer him another chance at a fresh start.

22.) People who’ve influenced them greatly

Oh, pre-campaign I think Molly modeled a lot of his behaviors and mannerisms after others in the circus, especially Gustav. He’s the one who named Mollymauk and presumably the one who spent the most time raising him and caring for him in that Empty period.

Molly has his own set of morals he feels very strongly about, and it’s entirely learned from the circus, “Things came back quick, and the circus helped. They were good people. They did a lot for me, and joy can fill an awful lot of a person’s life.” “I may be a liar, but I’m never a betrayer. I’m honest in my work and I believe in doing a good turn...I stayed with that circus for two years, and I know how people treat each other. It’s important.” When Molly is resurrected again, I think all of the Mighty Nein have very much the same effect on him.

[possiamo-andare]

Midsummer pt. 2: JJ Maybank

JJ x Reader

MASTERLIST

word count: over 6.8k (I went a little overboard lol)

a/n: first off, I'd like to say holy moly you guys are amazing I never thought I'd get over 600 notes on anything let alone something I wrote. Your kind words have bee so motivating so I definitely had to write a part 2 for everyone. Second, I just want to thank everyone who has messaged, reblogged, liked anything I've written. It's so fulfilling to know someone enjoys my stuff. You guys are he best <3

~

The last time JJ was interested in one girl at a time, was back when his only example of what a woman was, was in an inappropriate magazine. It's not like he never tried to like one girl at a time, but when he tried, something better always came along to distract him. JJ was curious by nature to put it lightly. The saying 'never judge a book by it's cover' was not true when it came to JJ. Usually, whatever you judged about him was right. He had been around obx with many Pogue ladies and flaunted it. He was proud being a bachelor that got around and rarely anyone held that against him.

But now, he was done for. By a Kook no less. A stupid Kook that JJ had met once a long time ago.

It was a stupid crush. Nothing he couldn't handle. His number of crushes spanned a long and thorough list. To say he was a pro at getting his crushes interested in him was an understatement. Then he saw you with Rafe and everything he felt for you disappeared. Disappeared might not be a good word. More like, he suppressed every feeling he felt for you the day he met you at the station until he could feel nothing at all. It was truly a tragic day for JJ when he found out you were dating Rafe. Then, JJ did what he did the best; he found another girl to distract himself with.

Just when he thought he was getting over the tragic situation, you had shown up at the Midsummer party. He hadn't thought about you, or your gorgeous smile or your pretty hair for a few weeks now and just as he thought he was turning a corner, you stood in front of him and demanded two sodas. You had not recognized him. He could tell. You knew who he was, of course, after you rudely told him what you thought of him, but you didn't remember your run in at the station months ago. He knew that if you were ever gonna remember him this time, he had to pull out all the stops. That meant he had to be extra charming and extra funny.

JJ wanted to slap himself. He couldn't believe he had put himself in this situation. He wished that you meant nothing. Every other Kook girl meant nothing to him (except Kie of course, but that's different), so why were you different?

He couldn't think too much about it. If he did, he would have to self analyze and that's something he rarely did. So, he just acted like an asshole to you. Being difficult with girls always worked. JJ knew the less you cared about their existence, the more they chased. And that might be true for the other girls JJ liked but definitely not you. He felt like he was always losing a battle whenever he spoke to you. You were super defensive the entire time he tried to talk to you. He couldn't get a word in edgewise and it didn't help that your image of him was already tainted.

So, he tried another approach. He tried to be himself. This would be anyone's first choice but we are talking about JJ. He's had to put up so many barriers so people don't see the real him, it was hard to keep track of which one to use. There was the lady's man JJ, the Pogue JJ, the obedient son, the annoying friend, and even the protector. JJ was just never truly himself. Of course his friends knew this and they accepted any form of JJ, but he knew you wouldn't. So, he just was himself.

And the next thing he knows, you're kissing him. Technically, he leaned in first, but you definitely closed the gap between you two which had to count for something.

Maybe it was because he liked you so much, or maybe it was because of the gin he downed before dancing with you, but your kisses made him feel like he was in fifth grade. Every kiss felt like the first one. He felt things he'd never felt before; by a Kook nonetheless.

And then, too soon, the moment was interrupted by a busboy. Gerald and his ability to cock block. But he had agreed to meet with you again, as if you were thirteen meeting at a tree house, and he couldn't believe it. You wanted to see him again. You knew who he was, you had learned things about him, and still wanted to see him. Never, and JJ means never, had a girl seen this much of him and still wanted to stay.

That night, JJ couldn't sleep. Even though JB had told him where the gold was and how they were gonna get it, he still would've been able to sleep if it were not for his mind racing with you. He even let his dad yell at him that night. He was in too much of a good mood.

That is, until JB was pushed off a ledge and was rushed to the hospital. Sarah was with him when it happened and JJ had been in the car, waiting for his friend. JB was JJ's family, along with the rest of his friends. JB had let him sleep over countless times when JJ's dad had been especially violent. He had helped JJ in every situation possible and JJ knew he could never repay him. So, to see JB asleep in the hospital with a cast, made his blood boil. And when he found out it was Topper's fault, he wanted to kill Topper himself. The only thing that held him back from doing so was staying in the hospital and waiting for JB to be alright. If JB had woken up any time before, maybe JJ would've had time to beat Topper's ass.

Kie, Pope, and JJ all waited together in the waiting room until there was an update on JB. They knew it wasn't as serious but they were determined to stay until their friend woke up. If it meant staying the whole day, then that's what they'd have to do. And so they did. They stayed well into the afternoon, with Sarah. She was in and out of the hospital room he was in and giving Kie, Pope, and JJ updates every time she did. They even got to talking and, even though Kie and Sarah barely spoke, Sarah was nice to them. She was one of the only Kooks that was nice to them.

The topic of Kooks made another memory resurface. JJ promised you he'd meet you at Sarah's house to "grab his keys" but, when JJ had checked the time, he was already late. He cursed at himself. He had unintentionally stood you up. You were for sure not gonna want to speak to him ever again and he had basically ruined any chance he had with you. He didn't want to tell his friends but they had noticed that once JJ was aware of the time, he had gotten more restless.

Kie had tried to ask him what was wrong but JJ was too upset to answer.

He felt like such an idiot.

Until he saw you enter the waiting room. He almost gasped but held it in, not to draw too much attention to himself. You barely looked at him as you walked in.

You wore black ripped jean shorts and a yellow tank top. You had your hair brushed into a loose braid and you had makeup on. You had done all of this because you were supposed to meet JJ but he had bailed on you. You had waited at Sarah's house for over an hour but, 20 minutes after he would've arrived, you knew he wasn't coming. You felt like an idiot. You had fallen for the oldest and dumbest trick in the book. Then, you got news of what happened to John B. and you realized that's probably why JJ got held up. You were still upset, but at least JJ had a good reason.

When you saw him sitting down in the waiting room, your stomach felt like it was in your throat. Seeing him in daylight was very different to seeing JJ in the dark. At least in the dark, you didn't see the extent of his scars. Now that you did, you felt like crying for him. You can't believe someone did that to him. In the dark, you didn't have to see him completely and you could get away with not looking in his eyes, since that always made you nervous. But now, you could see JJ completely and he was even more gorgeous in the light.

As you went to comfort Sarah, you pretended he wasn't there. You could tell, even with your back turned to him as you hugged Sarah, he was watching you. You felt his eyes burn into your back. But you were here for Sarah, that's it.

"Thanks for being here." Sarah said to you, letting out of your for a moment and looking to the hallway. "I should go and see how he's doing."

You nodded. "Yes, of course. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

Sarah smiled. "You being here is enough." And with that, she was walking back to John B.'s room.

You said hello to Kiara first. You had known her before today and you had always been polite to each other, even though Sarah and her didn't get along. When they did, all three of you hung out and had so much fun. You missed having her as a friend.

"Hey," you said, opening your arms for a hug. Kiara got up from her place in the chair and hugged you for a moment. Things were still a little awkward. "How are you?"

Kiara shrugged. "We just want to make sure John B. is okay."

I nodded. "I'll stay and maybe we can catch up?"

You knew she had a little resentment towards you and you didn't blame her. Sarah believed wholeheartedly that Kiara was the one that called the police on a party she had thrown a while ago and that's one of the reasons they're not friends anymore. Once Sarah let it slip that Kiara called the cops, Kiara was basically blacklisted whenever there was a party. Now, you were hoping to put that all behind you if it meant being Kiara's friend.

Kiara smiled but you could tell she was trying to suppress it. "I'd like that."

You then looked to a boy you knew was named Pope. You knew Pope's dad because he had once brought some groceries to your house at the last minute. It had been one of your mom's charity events and she had run out of a couple items. It was a Saturday night and Mr. Heyward was probably with his family but he got the items for her and delivered them to your house very quickly. Pope had been in a club you used to be in before you quit because Rafe said it took up too much of your time (you wanted to roll your eyes as you remembered all the shit you did to make him happy). Pope has always been nice to you when you were still in that club and when you voiced an idea, he always tried to back you up. You didn't know him that well but you knew him enough to give him a hug. He gladly accepted it, mumbling a hello as you hugged him.

"How are you? I haven't seen you in awhile." You stated, letting go of Pope and looking at him.

He struggled to meet your gaze, a bit embarrassed. You didn't know why but you figured that was just Pope's personality. "Not too bad. I'm president now."

You smiled. "That's so good to hear."

You couldn't believe he remembered that. Although he probably did remember it because the club was filled with Kooks and whenever they tried to pick on Pope, you always called them out. Even though you were grateful for his support, he was just as grateful for yours.

Pope nodded at you, smiling again. You could tell Kiara and Pope felt awkward. Mostly because you were one of the only Kooks that treated them nicely. Which was sad because you didn't understand why Kooks and Pogues didn't get along. Other than the fact that most of the Kooks (you're thinking of Topper and Rafe when you say most) are greedy, selfish assholes. You wanted them to like you really badly. One of the reasons was because they were Sarah and John B.'s friends. The other reason was because of the boy beside Pope, who was standing as well, and watching you closely.

JJ hadn't said one word to you since you entered the waiting room and you knew why. He wasn't sure if you guys should act like you know each other or not. To be honest, you weren't sure either. He had blown you off, for good reason, but then again, he could've gotten a message to you that he was in the hospital. You didn't have to find out from Ward, who drove you to the hospital. You had been waiting outside for an hour once Ward had pulled into the driveway. You asked him where Sarah was and he explained what had happened to John B. and offered you a ride. He had to pick up clean clothes for John B. since he was waking up soon.

You instantly knew why JJ never showed up but he could've easily asked Sarah to call you to let you know why he never arrived. The only explanation for not asking Sarah was because he didn't want anyone to know about what happened. This annoyed you.

When you had gone to bed the night before, you fell asleep to thoughts of JJ and what it would be like to be his girlfriend. Now, you had a rude awakening. He didn't want anyone to know that you had kissed. He was embarrassed to like a Kook.

So, being the salty teen you were, you decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. You were gonna pretend as if you had no idea who he was.

You stuck out your hand, waiting for him to shake it. He looked down at it, perplexed, and slowly extended his hand to shake yours. Once your hands had shaken, you spoke, "Nice to meet you. What's your name?"

JJ's brows furrowed but he answered you. "JJ."

He knew for sure that you were pissed. Before, he had only a small inclination that you were pissed but he now knew for 100% certainty, you were upset. He knew he should've at least tried to call you. He knew Sarah had your number and he knew it would be easy to ask Sarah for your number to call you but he got scared. He didn't know if you wanted anyone to know you guys were macking and he didn't want to embarrass you. He thought it wouldn't be the proudest thing for people to know you kissed JJ Maybank. For a Kook, you could get made fun of for that. So, he played it safe and didn't do anything. But now, he suffered the consequences. You were pissed. If he could only get you alone to explain.

"Cool." You said, smiling at him the way you would a stranger.

JJ looked to Pope and Kie, both of them looking back and forth from between the two of you. You could tell they thought this exchange was funny. You said nothing to JJ after that and just sat down in the chair across from Kiara. The both of you started a conversation as JJ and Pope stayed silent. You did talk about school but you mostly spoke about your summer so far. She had said it had been pretty uninteresting while you said the same. Although it was not over yet, you figured now it would be just like all the summer's before. Granted, you had thought it might be different now that you had met JJ but currently he was an idiot and you rather not spend a summer with someone who was embarrassed to be with you (even though that wasn't the case).

In the middle of your conversation with Kiara about the new documentary she was watching, JJ had gotten up from his place in the chair and mumbled that he had to go to the bathroom. You paid no attention to what he said but Pope and Kiara both nodded, telling him they could care less. You had continued your conversation with her for a minute more before your mind trailed to what JJ was doing. Obviously there was the option that he actually had to go to the bathroom, but then why would he announce it like that? You wondered whether or not he actually had to go to the bathroom or maybe it was a way of telling you he had to speak to you.

You decided the only way to figure out what the answer was, was to wait outside the men's bathroom to see if JJ actually wanted to talk to you or not. Granted, this was about the creepiest thing you could ever do but it was JJ and you were sure he had no reservations about you waiting outside the bathroom for him. In a weird way, it kinda comforted you to know anything weird you had done, JJ had probably done something weirder and would never judge you.

"I'm gonna go get some coffee," you announced to Kiara, who had finished speaking and was waiting for your response. "Want some?"

Kiara shook her head. "Nah, already had some."

You looked to Pope and raised your brows. He shook her head. "No, I already had some too."

You nodded and got up from your seat. "Well, I'm getting some. I'll be back in a second."

And with that, you were out of the waiting room and making your way to the men's bathroom. There was a sign that pointed you in the direction of the bathroom so you figured that it wasn't that far away. You passed a couple of hospital rooms and were not surprised to see most of the doors closed. They probably didn't want a nosy teenager peeking in anyways.

You always hated hospitals. You had to get a cast once when you broke your arm when you were younger and ever since, you hated the smell of hospitals. It smelled too clean. You also didn't like the idea that a floor beneath you, a woman was giving birth and a floor above you, someone could be dying.

As you passed the janitors closet, you were too deep in your thoughts to realize that the closet door was a little open. And when you passed it, a hand came out of the door and grabbed onto you. You didn't even have time to scream. The hand pulled you into the closet and closed the door behind you before you even had time to react. The closet was dimly lit and filled with cleaning supplies such as brooms and chemicals. The smell inside wasn't as bad as the smell outside though. You were about to fight back when you saw the person who had grabbed you.

It was JJ. He was smirking at you as he watched you catch your breath.

"What the hell?" You whisper - yell, scared that someone you know this time could hear you.

"We should really stop meeting like this." He said, the stupid smirk you liked so much still on his lips.

You had to remind yourself you were upset with him. "We didn't meet like this. You kidnapped me."

JJ rolled his eyes, the same stupid smirk on his lips. You had to admit, he looked so hot right now. He had a black shirt on with gray swim trunks. His hair was a fluffy mess and his scars were still apparent. He looked like a mess but you still wanted to kiss him. You wanted to scream. You asked yourself, what was wrong with you?

"You can leave any time you want." JJ countered, pointing towards the closed door.

You looked to the door, then back at him. "Tell me what you want and then I will."

JJ nods, finally feeling like he might have a good chance in explaining his stupid actions. "I know I didn't call you and I'm sorry. I didn't know if you wanted everyone to know about us or not."

You felt a smile on your lips. You wished he could be more mean. You liked JJ too much. Still defending yourself, you acted difficult. "You're right. We shouldn't tell anyone until we figure this," you said, motioning between the two of you. "out."

JJ nodded, this time, his smirk turning into a full smile. "So there is something?"

You roll your eyes, still acting a little difficult. "I never said that."

JJ steps forward, closer to you, and looks down at your lips. "I think that's exactly what you said."

You shook your head. "Stop." You didn't mean it. JJ smirks, biting his lip. You wanted to scream again. What the hell was this boy doing to you? In seconds, you could go from completely angry at him, to wanting to kiss him. No one ever made you feel like this. Yet again, you were so surprised to find yourself liking JJ Maybank. A boy that 72 hours ago, you didn't even care about.

"Stop what -?" JJ was about to ask you something and be annoying but you weren't in the mood.

In seconds, your arms were wrapped around his neck and you were pulling him closer to you. The second your lips touched, it was as if no time passed at all. You were no longer worried about fighting with JJ and pretending you were mad. You got lost when you kissed him. And it still felt so wonderful, even after all that's happened. When you kissed JJ, it was as if there was no one else. It was just you and him. He made kissing, even in a janitor's closet, the best thing to ever happen to you.

JJ's arms snake around your waist as he pulls you closer. Now, you're chest to chest. You can feel his heartbeat through his chest and you're sure he can feel yours too. It comforts you to know he reacts the same way to you kissing him.

You break away for one second, trying to catch your breath. JJ doesn't give you a chance to breathe though because the second you break away, his lips are on your cheek, kissing his way down to your neck. Your knees go weak. This gives JJ the opportunity to push you up against the wall. There's a bunch of equipment in here but you guys make it work. His hands rest on the sides of your waist as his lips travel to your collarbone. You tilt your head back and close your eyes again. And you thought kissing JJ on the lips was the best thing ever.

Although you loved this, you wanted to feel his lips on yours again and desperately cupped his face and moved it away from your neck and back onto your lips. Right before your lips touched his again, you kissed his jaw once. You could tell this had a huge effect on JJ because his hands instinctively came up to cup your jaw. Once your lips touched, your hands moved to his chest again and they rested there as you continued to make out.

He still tasted good which surprised you the most. You rarely had a good story of a Pogue kissing someone and them saying they tasted like mint so this only made you kiss him deeper.

Finally, you both had to break away. You both were running out of air. You were breathing too heavily but didn't notice until JJ pulled away first. As you both caught your breath, you looked at eachother. You were both smiling so wide, your cheeks were starting to hurt. This reminded you of last night, when you both were smiling like madmen after your first kiss. And still, after so many other kisses, it still felt like the first time.

"Is it always like that?" JJ asked, quieting chuckling. He was wiping the gloss he had on his lips, something you had on your lips before they were wiped off.

You shook your head. "Never."

JJ smirked. "I'd say I'm the best kisser you've had."

You rolled your eyes. It was the truth but you would never admit it. "I haven't kissed many people."

JJ raised his brows, creases forming on his forehead. "How many people have you kissed?"

You bit your bottom lip. They were still tingling from JJ's kisses. "None of your business."

JJ rolled his eyes. "Don't you wanna know how many I have kissed?"

You did. But you couldn't let him know that. "No. I have my own guesses."

JJ smiled. "Yeah? What's your guess?"

You shrugged. "Like one hundred thousand or something."

JJ laughed aloud. You didn't care if anyone heard this time, you loved hearing him laugh. "Nice try. It's actually one million."

You knew he was joking just by the tone of his voice. "Ah, makes sense."

JJ raised his brows again. "So, your saying I'm a good kisser?"

You rolled your eyes. "I just meant you have a lot of practice. Doesn't mean you're good."

JJ nodded, a sly smirk on his lips. "If I'm so bad, why do you want to kiss me?"

You smiled, your arms coming up to wrap around his neck. "Someone's gotta teach ya."

You leaned forward and kissed him once again. He instantly kissed you back, his hands wrapping around your waist. The kiss only lasted five seconds but you savoured it. JJ was a good kisser, even though you didn't want to admit it. He was passionate and strong, something you had never experienced with anyone you kissed.

Once you pulled away from him, he spoke again. "Can I come by your house at, like, seven?"

You squint your eyes at him. "Yeah, sure. Why?"

JJ shrugged. "We can't go out together. I just kissed you in a janitor's closet. You deserve some food at least."

I smiled. "Okay. I'll wait for you at my house at seven. Do you know where I live?"

JJ nodded. "I mowed your lawn in May."

You pushed your brows together. "Seriously?" How the hell did you not remember this?

JJ nodded. "I don't expect you to remember. You were hanging out with Sarah and it was only for one weekend."

You shrugged, frowning at him. "I'm sorry. I'm sure I would've said hi."

Although you said this, JJ and you both knew that this was not true. You barely acknowledged his existence until last night so it wasn't a surprise to either of you that you forgot he mowed your lawn.

"It's okay. I got an amazing view of your bedroom window from where I was." JJ joked, snickering softly.

You gasped, slapping him on the chest. "Perv!"

JJ continued to laugh, clutching his chest. "Sorry!"

You shook your head laughing along with him. Once your laughter died down, you spoke, "I'm gotta go. Kiara and Pope are probably wondering where I am. See you soon."

JJ nodded. "See ya."

You both looked at each other and smiled one more time, before you opened the closet door and ran back to the waiting room. For the second time since you met JJ, you made sure not to say goodbye. It wasn't goodbye yet.

~

John B. had woken up soon after you entered the waiting room. Kiara had asked you where your coffee was and you made up an excuse , saying you drank it on your way here. You hoped it didn't look too suspicious as JJ returned only moments later, saying there was a line to get onto the bathroom. You wanted to slap him for coming up with such a lame excuse but yours wasn't any better.

Once John B. was woken up, Kiara, Pope, and JJ visited him while you waited outside for them to finish. Although you knew John B. was a nice guy, you were still nervous to meet him. After they exited his room, it was your turn.

Your first encounter with John B. was excellent. Even though he was still groggy, he was polite and super enthusiastic about meeting you. Apparently Sarah had said such nice things. And the way John B. and Sarah looked at each other, you knew that they were in love. You were so happy for her. You told John B. that if he needed anything, you were there for him but apparently that wasn't necessary. Ward had decided to foster John B. which meant he was going to start to live with Ward, Sarah and their family. You had known about John B.'s predicament with the foster care system so you were relieved to hear this.

Once John B. was ready to be discharged, Ward got John B. and Sarah into the car before asking if you needed a ride. Ward was like your uncle so you, of course, said yes.

When we dropped you off at your house, your parents still weren't home. You had an older sibling who was probably out with their friends so you had the house to yourself. This meant you had hours to spend stressing about when JJ would come. You planned your outfit and makeup before anyone got home because you were really nervous. You wondered what food he would bring, what he would want to do in your room, and just about everything down to the last detail. It was friday night, so your parents wouldn't be home until midnight. Friday nights were their date nights.

Your older sibling would probably be in their room all night so at least you didn't have to worry about them. All you had to worry about was yourself.

You rearrange your room about five times. At first, the stuff on your cabinet was too messy, then it seemed too clean. You didn't want JJ to think you had gone through all this trouble to clean for him. Then you messed it up too much. You made your head, then messed it up to look like you had been sitting in it all day. You threw all of your stuffed animals from when you were a child in your closet. You would die of embarrassment if JJ saw any of your stuffed animals. The teasing would never end.

You busied yourself with TV and reading until 6pm rolled by. You decided one hour gave you enough time to get ready. You took a quick shower and did some simple makeup. You didn't want to put too much effort in. You over thought everything. You changed your top from the tank top to a long sleeve grey shirt but you kept your black ripped jean shorts. The sun was setting and it was getting chilly. You dried your hair and kept it down and you sprayed yourself with ungodly amounts of perfume. You were stressing too much.

Finally 7pm rolled around. And JJ was five minutes late. A small voice in your head told you that he had bailed on you for real this time but you chose not to listen to it. He would be here.

Just when you were about to believe that small voice, you heard a knocking on your bedroom window. Confused, you ignored it but when the second knock came from your window, you decided to check it out. What you saw made you laugh. JJ was climbing up your wall, a backpack around his shoulders. You were gripping the bones growing from your house to pull himself closer to your window. When he looked up to see you, he smirked.

You opened your window and reached out your hand. He was close enough for you to take it and you pulled him up. You could only get him halfway through the window. Your arm was aching and you had to let him go. It didn't matter because after you let go, he pushed his way through.

Finally, when he got all the way through, you spoke, "Are you alright?"

JJ shrugged. "Only a little internal bleeding."

You rolled your eyes and quickly slapped his shoulders. "What the hell were you thinking? Don't you know how to use the front door?"

JJ laughed. "I thought climbing through your window would make me look cooler."

You shook your head. "It made you look dumber."

JJ dropped his backpack on the floor. "You can never say I didn't almost die for you."

You rolled your eyes. "Now I'm wishing I didn't pull you up."

"Ah," JJ chuckled, bending over and unzipping his backpack. "then you wouldn't have this." He then pulled out a brown bag, waving it in your face.

You quickly grabbed it from him. "What is it?" You answered your own question by opening the brown bag and pulling out Chinese food. Inside were containers of noodles, chicken balls, and rice. Your mouth watered. You felt like you hadn't eaten all day.

JJ chuckled. "Someone's hungry."

You placed the food on your desk, moving your papers and laptop to the side. "That's the only reason I wanted you to come."

You moved across your room to get a second chair for JJ and once you gave it to him, you both sat down to eat.

JJ pulled out the plastic forks and knives and gave one set to you. You took it eagerly and opened up the first container with noodles. You both started to eat.

JJ scoffed at your response. "You only wanted me here so I could bring you food?"

You nodded, your mouth filled with noodles already. Once you swallowed, you spoke. "Of course."

JJ shrugged. "Honestly, I only came here to get laid. I knew Chinese food was the way to your heart."

You scoffed, setting down your fork to slap JJ on the shoulder again.You knew he was joking so you played along. "Asshole. Now you're definitely not getting laid."

JJ rolled his eyes, but said nothing. He shoved another fork of noodles in his mouth and you did the same. You both talked throughout the meal. Whenever your mouths were empty, you responded to each other and spoke. You spoke about so many things. You talked about school, your families and eventually got to the subject of John B. and how he was holding up in Sarah's home. JJ joked about how jealous he was but you knew he was serious. You told him not to worry and one day maybe he'd have a big house like Ward's. He said nothing for a while after that and you knew why. He didn't believe he'd ever get out of the situation he was in now.

You wanted to make him feel better but you didn't know how. So, you kissed him. It was slow and passionate and it made you feel light as a feather. You couldn't believe kissing someone could feel this good.

Once you broke away from each other, JJ spoke first. "I'm guessing one."

You knew this was a way to divert from what you were talking about before but you were still confused. "What?"

"I'm guessing you've only kissed one person." JJ clarified, placing his fork down and reaching up to brush some hair out of your face.

The two of you were still sitting beside each other at your desk but your eyes instinctively made a glance at your bed. Once you looked back at JJ, you answered him. "You're wrong. It's actually two."

JJ snickered. "That's adorable."

You pinched his arm and you smiled when he yelped out in pain. "Ass."

"This is where you ask me." JJ pointed out, his hand resting on your knee.

You rolled your eyes. "I seriously have no idea."

JJ shrugged his shoulders. "It's ten."

You furrowed your brows. That seemed so low. "Ten?" JJ could tell you were confused.

"I don't really kiss many people. Makes me feel weird." JJ shrugged again, picking up his fork and taking the last bite of a chicken ball.

"Weird?" You questioned.

"Yeah," JJ nodded before swallowing and continuing. "I have to really like someone to kiss them."

You blushed, looking away from him. That meant he really liked you because all you had been doing was kissing. Your throat felt so dry. JJ really was making you nervous.

"You really like me?" You asked, looking back at him and leaning forward.

JJ smirked, leaning forward to kiss you quickly. "Yes."

"What was your first kiss like?" You asked, grabbing his hand.

He looked at where your hands touched, then looked back at you. "I was like twelve. It was Kie's cousin visiting from Canada or something. She was my age. I was shitting my pants." JJ smiles as he retells the story. You leaned forward, very interested. "I never thought about girls before that and then we were just goofing around and she asked me if I kissed anyone. I said no and then she just kissed me."

"Aw," You cooed, smiling softly. "That's adorable."

JJ shrugged, smiling. "Not really. The poor girl never talked to me again. Said I had bad breath."

You giggled. "I know what she means."

JJ gasped. "Really?"

Before you had time to react, JJ stood up and leaned on top of you, his hands instantly going to your sides to tickle you. Your legs shut up and you dashed across your room but he soon caught up to you and grabbed a hold of your sides. You screamed in terror and demanded he let you go. He couldn't completely understand you though because you were laughing so hard. You kicked his shin and made a run across your bed but before you could get to your door, he tackled you, pushing you onto your bed.

"JJ!" You laughed, JJ continuing to tickle your side. You kicked and screamed but it was no use, you were stronger.

"Say I'm the best kisser!" He only laughed, loving that you were so ticklish.

"You're the best!" You screamed, laughed hysterically. "Stop!"

Finally he stopped and lay on his back. He was laughing so hard and you were out of breath from the screaming. Once you caught your breath, you turned onto your stomach and let a hand rest on his chest.

"That wasn't funny." You frowned, a smile showing through.

JJ shrugged. "Got you to admit the truth though."

You leaned closer to his face. "Whatever."

JJ instantly closed the gap, kissing your lips. This time, your legs were intertwined as you kissed. JJ's hands cupped your face as you kissed and your hands made their way to his waist. You just lay there, kissing each other. This was so easy. Being with JJ was so easy. You couldn't believe that this is what you were missing. This time, although he tasted like mint, he smelled divine. You didn't know what it was until you parted. Once you did, you realized it was sea salt. Ye smelled like the ocean. Your mom was always telling you that you smelled like the ocean and how bad it was but now, you had found someone who was the same.

This made you want to kiss him again. You never got a chance to because JJ spoke, "what was your first kiss like?"

You smiled, touching your lips. JJ watched you for a moment, smiling at you. Your lips felt as if they were on fire.

"I was like ten and some boy at my summer camp dared me to kiss him. Worst three seconds of my life. Yours was so cute."

JJ smirked, raising his brows. "He dared you to? He must've really liked you."

You shrugged. "I can never turn down a dare."

JJ smirked. "Really?"

You nodded, a mischievous grin on your lips. "Yeah."

"Well then," JJ smirked. "I dare you to kiss me again."

You rolled your eyes. "I would've done it anyways."

And with that, you kissed him again. You don't know how long that kiss lasted because right after that one, JJ kissed you again and again. He kissed you like you guys had all the time in the world. And you felt like you did.

You knew you had all the time in the world to discover this new feeling with JJ.

~

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[hello-nichya-here]

Rough Draft of Fire Warrior (Fake Kemurikage) Headcanons

Note: Hi Nichya! I am currently writing a long fic dealing with how post-Imbalance Avatar would go for the Fire Nation Royal Family and their close friends and I was wondering if you could please look at my headcanons and critic them? Cause I don’t want to engage in the usage of stereotypes, or bad writing in general, especially since I am writing about characters with mental illness. Also, I have been trying to send you an ask about lighting bending for the past couple days, and it keeps on not getting through to you. Considering my asks only had trouble getting to you around the same time you very recently IP banned that one dumbass who tried roasting you for liking Azula, could it be you accidently banned me as well (I am using a coffee shop to upload this)? If so can you please unban me for your answers to my asks have enriched my understanding of Avatar greatly. Thanks!

Here is the ask: How would you write Azula and/or The Fire Warriors teaching Zuko lighting and smoke bending (as part of their reconciliation/rehabilitation) while Zuko teaches them the true meaning of fire, the dragon dance, and the philosophy behind lighting redirection? Cause I thought part of Azula’s and Zuko’s reconciliation would have been teaching each other the bending/skills the other one was lacking, uplifting each other instead of trying to compete with each other or hurt each other. But canon is what it is.

Anyway, my headcanons are down below

Starting from left to right I am going to list the names, backstory, and mental illness(es) of the non-Azula Fire Warriors:

Beam (DID plus avoidant personality disorder)

Born in 84 A.G., as the second child of three, and the only daughter of an upstart noble and a stay at home mother, Beam was expected to marry into nobility considering how well her father had done selling steel to the Fire Nation Navy and the fact that she had inherited her mothers’ good looks.

But Beam, for a lack of better words, was often detached from reality and quickly became a source of shame for her family. For Beam would often drift out of reality into her own little world whenever confronted with large amounts of stress. 

And what causes stress in Beam? Being around strangers, especially large numbers of them like parents’ hosted one of their frequent parties in an attempt to move up in Fire Nation High Society.

In fact, Beam started wearing her distinctive hairstyle plus dye in an attempt to avoid having people come to her much to her brothers and parents displeasure. And when that didn’t work, she started to wear masks such as those based on the dark water spirit or the dragon emperor.

On a side note, the only thing that really helped Beam was firebending, where she had a natural gift. However, due to her performance issues, whenever her brothers and/or parents came to watch, she always messed up her routines, leading them to cancel Beam’s lessons when she was 16 in order to focus on making Beam marriageable. 

This caused Beam to despair and undergo a nasty episode in which she wholeheartedly believed she was the dark water spirit and almost killed her older brother, who was “obviously” the Dragon Emperor. Said brother also happened to be the one who suggested her parents cancel the firebending lessons and make Beam a proper woman since he was going to get married soon and didn’t want his fiance’s family to revoke the marriage contract once they better got to know his “weirdo” of a sister.

The above incident was the last straw for her parents, who had her involuntarily committed after coming to the “conclusion” that nothing would fix their “madwomen” of a daughter.

Aiko (Clinical Depression)

Born in 87 A.G. as the unexpected last daughter of a merchant and a very low level noblewomen, life has always been a struggle for Aiko. Her mother had her in her early 40s after unexpectedly getting pregnant and giving birth to Aiko prematurely. Aiko and her mother barely survived but her mother ended up suffering from postpartum depression, hurting their mother-daughter bond.

Aiko grew up seemingly loved, but in reality she was always sad. And no amount of gifts, such as some of the best firebending tutors in the land, could ever make Aiko happy for it appeared from Aiko’s pov that her mother never wanted to do anything with her while she happily gave her love and time to her oldest two kids, who were both boys and going to join the war effort. 

That and she was relentlessly bullied in school for her demure size; one day she tried standing up for herself by getting into an impromptu fight with her main bully, but she accidently badly burned her due to being actually quite skilled in firebending. While Aiko managed to avoid jail or getting into trouble, the trauma of almost killing some made Aiko withdraw further into herself much to her parent’s grief.

Her brothers were the main positive thing in her life, for they were understanding of her and didn’t really push her that hard…except in firebending where they were the only people she felt safe enough after her incident.

However, things took a turn for the worse when her brothers finally joined the army and died in the very same maneuver that Zuko talked out against as a 13 year old. And in her grief, Aiko tried hanging herself though the noose broke just before it went taunt and she ended up knocking herself out.

And when she woke up, she found herself in the asylum….

Chyou (Bi-polar disorder)

Born in 84 A.G. as the adopted child of two low tier Hu Xin Provinces (colonial) nobles who were unable to have kids of their own. Her parents tried their best with Chyou, but she was a very difficult child to raise, for, in their perspective, one moment Chyou was a hyper energetic girl who was all too willing to do anything to achieve her long-term goals and whims. Goals that included being the best firebender in her school and being a proper noblewoman. And whims including a desire to shave half her head though that particular fulfilled whim didn’t really harm Chyou for she liked the hairstyle and kept it much to her parent’s dismay. 

But in other moments, Chyrou was a heavily depressed girl, who couldn’t even be bothered to get out of her bed no matter how hard her parents tried to encourage/bribe/threaten her. 

However, these “cycles” were just subtle enough that with her parents covering for her, Chyou could pass as a normal kid…that is until one night, she overheard a conversation between her parents talking about how much Chyou looked like her mother’s sister. Confused since she thought she had no blood relations with either of her parents (they told her she was adopted from a young age since Chyou doesn’t share that much in common with either with her parents), she confronted them and the told Chyou her true origin.

Chyou was in fact the love baby of an Earth Kingdom soldier and a Fire Nation noblewomen who was Chyou’s “mother’s” sister. While the Fire Nation is progressive in terms of gender roles, it is against the law for Fire Nation noblewomen to copulate with the males of the other nations. 

For Sozin’s reasoning was that the strong men of the Fire Nation could civilize the demure women of the other nations while the barbarians’ uncivilized blood could easily overwhelm the wombs of their wombs. Wombs that were needed to make sure their great nation would never lack loyal citizens. In reality, due to the patriarchal nature of inheritance and property ownership, Sozin feared the colonized enemy would marry into Fire Nation nobility and basically overthrow him once their numbers reached critical mass.

But getting back on track, it wasn’t discovered that Chyou’s real mother was having the baby of an Earth Kingdom soldier, let alone she was going to elope with him. So the Fire Nation tried to capture the soldier and kill him, but he ran off. However, after allowing Chyou’s true mother to give birth, the Fire Nation had her killed off. But, Chyou’s Aunt and Uncle took pity on Chyou and successfully begged the authorities to let them raise Chyou as their own kid.

Chyou’s Aunt and Uncle begged for Chyou’s forgiveness and she gave it to them…though she later had a manic episode that caused her to sneak out of her Aunt’s and Uncle’s house to search for her father, hoping she would get to meet him.

It took several weeks and all of the tracking and survival skills she learned in school, but she found the last place her father inhabited. But when she knocked on the door, her bio grandma opened the door and, once Chyou explained who she was, told the “lying ashmaker to get away from me and never come back unless you want to die” in addition to telling Chyou that her father died during General Iroh’s march to Ba Sing Se. 

For Chyou’s bio grandma never knew about her son’s relationship with Chyou’s mother, let alone that he was going to have a child with her and thus thought the young firebender was punking her…not that it would have made a difference for after she couldn’t even bury her son due to him being completely burned to ashes, she developed an intractable hatred towards the Fire Nation and especially firebenders. And that hatred wouldn’t dissipate even if her own granddaughter was one of those “ashmakers.”

Heartbroken at the rejection, Chyou then fell into a serious depressive state and was going to kill herself until she was apprehended by June and returned to her family, who had been paid by Chyou’s parents to find her before the colonial authorities did. For if the “mixed breed” had been found going “back” to her Earth Kingdom family, Chyou would have been killed for her “genetic disloyalty” caused by her parentage.

And when Chyou kept uncontrollably talking about her failed trip, Chyrou’s parents made a hard decision and had her temporarily involuntarily committed since they would rather have her suffer at the asylum (as well as get help for her myriad of issues) than have her rambling expose her “genetic disloyalty” and have her brutally executed, making all their pleadings to allow them to raise her pointless.

However, bigoted political hardliner healers in the asylum saw her history and decided unilaterally that she was a threat to society and so manipulated her record to make so she had died, leaving Chyou’s Aunt and Uncle (who were pretty old) heartbroken to the point they died within a couple of months of each other and turning Chyou’s temporary stay into a permanent stay.

Chyou, depending on whether she is having a manic episode or depressive episode, oscillates between believing her Aunt and Uncle haven’t given up on her and believing that they have finally given up on account of being a disgrace due to her mental issues and bloodline.

Zirin (Oppositional Defiant Disorder with mild Conduct Disorder)

Born in 85 A.G. as the only daughter of some minor nobles who live in Caldera City. She has ODD, which manifests in her explosive temper, which her parents tried solving by doing everything, including getting her training in firebending, which Zirin has a natural aptitude in considering she became a master by 16.

But despite her parent’s best efforts, her anger still didn’t really subside, leading up to an incident where she burned a highly sought out suitor for rubbing her the wrong way, leading her reputation to sink and make her unmarriageable, making Zirin worthless in her traditionalist parents’ eyes.

Zirin offered to join the Fire Nation military so she could be useful, but her traditionalist parents said no since the military is not the proper place for a young noblewoman. So they had her involuntarily admitted to the asylum…

Ting (Schizophrenia)

Born in 82 A.G. as the daughter of a minor Fire Nation noble and an Earth Kingdom commoner (that her father took a liking to) who lived in Yu Dao, Ting on the surface supposedly lived a charmed life. But her life was anything but charmed, for she didn’t not inherit her mother’s slim face and body, but had the stout body and face of a typical Earth Kingdomer. Meaning that it would be next to impossible to marry her off to another noble family for even in the colonies, there was a preference for Fire Nation traits among the nobility.

Not helping was just after Ting was 6, she would suffer periodically from hallucinations of her father whenever she messed up in school or in court, often having her speech deteriorate into “incoherent” babbling (ex. Ting asking “him: to stop hitting her) and often fighting back against a person who wasn’t there.

Obviously, this was just another thing that made Ting a massive disappointment in her father’s eyes.

So upset as his “mistake” Ting’s father often beat up his wife and daughter and seeing how Avatar takes place in fantasy land 19th century Asia, there was no one who they could turn to. In fact the only reason why Ting was “tolerated” was because she was an elite firebender, who naturally excelled at Sozin Style firebending due to her rage and self-loathing caused by her “madness.”

Thus, even if Ting was unmarriageable, she was likely going to have a good career in the Fire Nation Army. That is until one night when Ting was 16 witnessed a really bad argument between her drunk parents that ended up with her father breaking her mother’s arm.

Enraged and having enough, she fought her father and ended up badly burning him in public as he tried to escape her. 

The authorities then restrained her and tried to put her on trial, but horrified at what she had done, she had a severe episode that made the authorities doubt her sanity.

So sensing an opportunity to save face and not have his dirty laundry aired, Ting’s father authorized the colonial authorities to ship Ting to a homeland mental asylum for “treatment” damn well knowing they would most likely never let Ting out. And he had authorized Ting’s involuntary committal at the dead of night so Ting’s mother could not disapprove.

Gamon (Higher Functioning autism)

Born in 83 A.G. to two high functioning autistic former soldiers living in Hama’s village, Gamon would have been raised in a loving family. That is until her parents one night disappeared during a full moon and never came back (they were captured by Hama and tortured to death but the little shred of humanity left in Hama caused Hama to leave the baby alone despite wanting to spite Gamon’s pleading parents). So Gamon was given to her next of kin, who were mid tier nobles. 

It turned out that Gamon’s mother was once a noble, but renounced it so she could join the Fire Nation Army due to her special interest being the military alongside firebending. This had caused Gamon’s maternal grandparents and Gamon’s Uncle great shame and had also caused them to disown Gamon’s mother. And the sad thing was that despite Gamon’s mother wanting to reconcile, her parents died just after she got pregnant.

So when Gamon’s Uncle and Aunt got a hold of her, they promised that they would raise her into the proper noblewomen Gamon’s mother should have been.

And they were very harsh in doing so, making sure Gamon took to heart what her tutors told her what was necessary to do to be the perfect noblewomen. However, lightning struck twice, and Gamon developed a special interest in both firebending and military history, which she hid from her Uncle and Aunt by practicing firebending in the morning before either of them woke up and reading military history at night after they had gone to bed.

Gamon managed to hide it until she was 15 years old, where, after being suspicious of Gamon knowing an obscure military battle that took place during the start of Azulon’s reign while also giving pointers to a boy she was courting, they had one of the maids spy on her and report to them.

This, combined with Gamon’s symptoms such as her stimming (she likes to rub her knuckles because she likes how they feel) plus her social awkwardness (no matter how hard they drilled her, Gamon always floundered in noble get togethers), made her guardians give up her.

And not wanting a repeat of what happened to Gamon’s mother and the resulting loss of face, they had her involuntarily committed to the asylum and washed their hands of her.

***

1 - I absolutely loooooooooooove the idea of Zuko and Azula teaching each other, and it could start with Zuko playcating Azula by letting her bend again (which he knows she desperately wants) by making it clear she’s going to have to do it his way - seeing fire as a source of life, not just death. They’re likely to end up fighting a few times because of course, but it would mostly work out as intended, and Azula would then teach him what she knows.

2 - Zuko sharing what he learned from the dragons (while still keeping the secret) with the people who needed to learn it the most is what he should have done from the begining, especially with his sister, and it fits with his new goal of guiding his nation towards peace and showing them that this idea that war and destruction is “the Fire Nation way/culture” is absolute bullshit.

3 - It’s hard to say how “accurate” your portrail of mental illness is since I’m seeing just “your notes” so to speak, but it looks like you’re in the right path. Just be sure to remember that, while mental illness and disabilities do play a huge part in someone’s personalities that is not ALL of their personalities and you’ll be good to go.

4 - I recommend you either retcon some of the most ableist bullshit the comics pulled (like Zuko straight up abandoning Azula and not thinking about her until he needed something from her, not noticing the clear signs of abuse she was showing, all the times he and his friends physically assaulted her when she wasn’t doing anything, and him taking her on a mission knowing nothing about her condition) or make the characters realize just fucked up that was and then genuinely trying to be better.

[drbobbimorse]

I know I already know so much about her, BUT how does Cassidy get along with each of the original six avengers if she meets them?

Thank you!

So Cassidy does meet the original six Avengers when she ignores Professor Xavier’s directive for his staff to not get involved in the Battle of New York. The risk of exposure was far too high with the news reporting on events, but Cassidy sees her brother on the TV and bolts. She obviously gets along great with her older brother, Clint. He took her in after he found her in foster care after their parents died, became her legal guardian. Because of their significant age gap (15 years) he’s more like a father than a brother, which can be a bit of a problem from time to time. When they fight, they alternate between screaming and signing. They also sign when they wanted to have a private conversation in public, especially when they want to talk shit about people right in front of them. Clint knows she’s a mutant and keeps her secret from SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers, the only person outside of Xavier’s who knows her secret is Laura and, eventually, their kids. As she opts to wear a mask to disguise herself during the Battle of New York, he doesn’t even tell them that the mysterious, masked, superpowered woman helping them is his sister and he helps cover her escape afterwards.

She and Bruce get along fairly well, given that they’re both academics albeit in different fields. When they’re formerly introduced and the truth about mutants is revealed, Bruce initially wants a sample of her blood to see if he can unlock the secret of the mutant gene. Obviously, she declines this offer but makes him an offer of her own in return. Cassidy invites him to the school to meet her former professor turned colleague, Hank McCoy. He’s the smartest man in the world, that she knows of; if anyone could help him with his Hulk problem, she figures he might be his best bet. Bruce is stunned by the offer, considering how he’d offended her, but graciously accepts and begins a solid friendship with Hank and most of the staff at the school. He later tells her that, had he been around during the Sokovia Accords, he would’ve sided with Cap. Considering he’d been on the run from the government for years, he understood all too well the fear of being under their thumb to be used at their command. They respect each other a great deal.

Thor is like, her best bro. They get into little competitions over whose stronger: “I can command lightning.”/“I can destroy solid objects when I scream.”/“I can fly!”/“So can I!”/“Only when you scream!”/“And you can only do it while holding that hammer!” Like, they’re such children about it. Thor loves to regale her with stories from his adventures on Asgard, which she loves because holy shit there’s a whole universe of sentient alien life, and she tells him stories from her favorite books, which he enjoys because he’s so fond of Midgard. Thor is genuinely curious about mutants and finds similarities in some of the mutations she tells him about with other beings he’s met across the Nine Realms. Cassidy actually teaches Thor a few signs, after he took an interest during one of her and Clint’s conversations. He’s pretty bad at it, but she gives him points for trying.

Cap is someone she respects but finds, like the Professor, has an almost naive ideology of the world. He wants to see the best in people, believe that people are inherently good and decent but she knows all too well that that’s just not true. Unlike the X-Men’s primary nemesis, Magneto, Cassidy doesn’t believe that humans are inferior and should be wiped out; she wholeheartedly believes in the Professor’s dream that, some day, humans and mutants will coexist. It’s just hard to see that day happening in her lifetime. Cap sympathizes with the plight of mutants, considering he’s an enhanced human himself. Although he felt odd visiting the school at first, he began to see it almost like home since he could basically be anonymous there. It also reunited him with Logan, who he’d met back in WWII although Logan has no memory of him. Cassidy often trains with Cap, finding him to be one of the best people to keep her skills sharp. She also helps catch him up some of the things he missed while in the ice.

The only ones Cassidy doesn’t get along with are Tony and Natasha. Cassidy generally doesn’t like Tony’s snarky and dismissive attitude. But he’s also self-proclaimed reformed war profiteer and she doesn’t trust him. She believes, for the right price, he’d harm mutants. Be it experimentation or locking them up or a registry, she simply doesn't trust him and this is a very founded fear as we discover with the Sokovia Accords. She’s very protect of her students and the rights of mutants all over the world to maintain their freedom and autonomy, something Tony is a direct threat to. Natasha, on the other hand, she doesn’t trust because of how she and Clint met. Since the MCU never went into it, I’m going with the comics origin wherein Natasha is still a Red Room operative who manipulates and uses Clint to her own ends and nearly gets him killed in the process. Regardless of Clint and Laura’s trust in Natasha, Cassidy still has very bitter feelings towards her and is wary.

[morphituu]

Milagro

Chapter 18: Back to Santa Monica

Ch: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17

Nick’s poor attempt at muffling his own hiss went unnoticed when Callie gripped his hand with a hold that could challenge an Orc’s, her forehead coming to press against his paling knuckles, gritting her teeth through the pressure.

“I’m sorry, I know these are awful,” Dr. Sangui sympathized, her hands and eyes busy behind the screen of the thin cloth draped between Callie’s knees.

“Mhm-” Callie tried to remain composed, but Nick could see the bands of muscle straining along the entire length of her legs propped up in the stirrups.

“Okay, aaand,” her doctor made quick work of her hands, followed by a few metallic clicks. “We’re done,”

Callie exhaled, her knees slapping together, whispering a soft, shy apology to Nick when she caught him shaking the blood back into his hand. He shrugged it off so she wouldn’t dwell, helping her sit up.

“Do you two have your bags packed yet?” Dr. Sangui asked after dropping the speculum into the sink and rolling towards them.

Nick snorted. “No,”

Callie flicked his hand.

“Well I think you may wanna keep them in the car, honestly. You’re about 70% effaced,” she grinned at Callie, instantly recognizing the excitement rising in her big eyes.

“What’s that?” Nick asked, feeling a little excluded from all the smiles.

“She could go into labor any day now,”

Nick’s poise flickered through a wide range of emotions just as his ears did, blindly reaching for Callie’s thigh to squeeze, but she was sure that although he would go on to tell her it was for moral support on her part, he was actually supporting himself so he didn’t fall forward onto his face.

“So he’s full term?” he cracked, grimacing at the betrayal of his voice.

“Right now his growth equates to a human baby at 36 weeks, at that stage we don’t stop labor if it comes. Callie’s body is showing all the right signs of labor preparation so I feel comfortable saying yes, he’s full term and you should have a little boy in your arms any day now,” her smile had started to break through her words, and by the time she finished, Callie was pressing her fingers over her own wide smile.

“Any day?” Nick repeated, the telling placement of his hand on his chest alerting Callie that he was leaning into breathlessness

“Yes sir, so pack those bags,” she scolded. “If you don’t have anymore questions or concerns I can get your paperwork organized and send you two on your way to get all the sleep you can.”

“Yes!” Callie clasped her hands together. “What secrets do you have to start labor?”

“I wish I had some,” Sangui frowned. “And while we’re at it, I'd like to go over our plan once more,”

“My natural birth plan?”

Nick’s glance up at her was one of annoyance; he didn’t understand why she had to be so hard-headed about this.

“Your back-up plan,”

“Assuming I even need one because I’m going to push him out,” Callie was frolicsome as ever, but her refusal to even consider the possibility of anything going south was worrisome. How would she handle the labor if it did go south?

“Seeing you wholeheartedly believing in yourself thrills me, but I need to hear you say you understand the importance of it, please . I don’t want any confusion if the time comes,”

Callie exhaled, choosing to look away from her doctors hardened, and seasoned stare. “I understand,” she established clearly, her mood having plummeted a little. “When can I cancel the c-section?”

“The second Leo is out,” she promised. “And a little personal advice from a mother of five,”

Nick’s eyes widened. Five!?

 “Walk. Walk as much as you can and let gravity do its job,”

“That’s it?” Callie muttered in disbelief.

Sangui nodded enthusiastically. “Tried and true method of evicting those little things,”

Callie looked at Nick who in turn shrugged. “Of all things,”

“Just please, whatever you do, don’t use castor oil. I cannot stand to see another baby go to ICU,” Dr. Sangui pleaded, the familiar grief lining her expression telling all the heartache she’d endured from such unfortunate events.

“I’ve heard horror stories,” Callie agreed, and once again Nick was left in the dark as he waited for some kind of hint to be provided

“Listen to them. Okay! Let me go grab your papers and you two can get going!” She chimed happily, patting Nick’s shoulder as she passed and left the room.

Callie always giggled when Nick took it upon himself to help pull her shorts up her legs, tugging them up her thighs once she was standing despite her half-hearted attempts at shoving him away. When it came to the spandex band that covered the curve of her low stomach, he’d step away knowing she liked to fold it over a particular way.

The black tank-top was pulled down, already fanning her cheeks and tossing her hair off her shoulders. A deep flush dusted her freckled cheeks, one the brisk AC didn’t even harpen.

Nick gazed up at her, admiring. Like the first time he’d looked up at a police officer at six years old, eyes wide and sparkling in wonder, he now found himself stuck in the same predicament, unable to pull from the force keeping him there. This time however, he gravitated towards it instead of ducking shyly behind his father.

His strong hands came to hold her thigh, his forehead resting there also.

It had started to hit him while basking under the warm beams of her smile; the realization that soon his world that revolved around Callie would shift, and Leo would become the center.

There were times he’d wake from hazy dreams of finding Callie sitting in their bed, whispering in mystifying talk down at her arms where little hands grabbed blindly, and where even softer cries would bring him towards her despite feeling fear heavy his feet.

Nick took a composing breath, his hands squeezing her thigh steadily. Callie’s own came to caress the back of his head and neck, but with her global stomach in the way, she couldn’t lean down to kiss him into a tranquil state. She hoped her touch gliding across his wide shoulders that expanded with deep inhales did something for him like his comforting aura so often did for her when she found herself in a panic.

Now that the power of his night terrors were failing to do harm, they seemed to switch their assault on his wakefulness the closer they came to meeting Leo. The fluttering excitement was stirring, slowly simmering into fear, the steam clouding his eyes and leaving him in a confused haze.

 What do I do if he doesn’t stop crying? How often can I hold him? What if he hates me?

Fatherhood was just around the corner, but there wasn’t much even she could do to prepare him, and the questions would likely remain unanswered until the time came for him to simply go through the motions of learning their son.

He’d started to absentmindedly draw designs across her thigh where the shorts didn’t reach, his head tilted and staring from behind his sunglasses at the woman who struggled to pay her parking ticket at the gate.

“How hard is it to press a button and swipe a card?” Callie chastised, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

Nick shook his head. “Not like we need to be anywhere today,”

“Ross is calling and the heat is cooking me,” she whined, rallying a chuckle from him.

“Maybe it’ll bake him a little faster,”

“You got your oven mitts ready?” she cracked, and he laughed again.

The remnants of his smile lingered once looking back to the car ahead of him, his ears twitching when an alluring idea came to the forefront of his mind. “Do we have anything planned for dinner?”

Her eyes momentarily bounced around as she squinted, finally exhaling, “Nope,”

Nick grinned. “Date night?”

“Mm? What’ya have in mind?” she smiled when resting her chin in her palm and laying her phone in her lap.

“How about Santa Monica?”

Her smile wavered here and there between a scowl. “Last time we were there we got in that fight ,”

“That was last time,” Nick sighed.

“I know, okay, I just…” she fidgeted, halting her drumming fingers. “That was just a shitty day,”

Nick reached into her lap to smoothly scoop her hand into his, their fingers twining when he kissed the back of her hand, his eyes on the road as they finally made their way from the parking lot. “You know I’ll be sorry forever,”

 “Callie open the fucking door!”

The heel of her palms stayed pressed against her eyes when she shook her head, leaned forward into her own lap. “Go away Nick,” she croaked, sniffling.

“Open the door!” he bellowed, his palm coming to hit the window sill of the passenger side door.

“Fuck off! Just leave me alone!” she screamed, fresh hot tears staining her cheeks.

“I’m not going until you fucking talk to me!”

“ I don't wanna talk !” she sobbed, and continued to scream as he yanked animalistically against the handle, the truck swaying side to side. “Nick stop before someone calls the cops!”

“I don’t fucking care!” he bellowed, truly uncaring of the strangers amongst the crowds coming in and out of the piers parking lot that had stopped to watch him beat wildly against the truck. “Now open the fucking door so we can go home!”

“ NO !”

She screamed when his lightning fast strike was enough to crack the window, the soft splintering filling the silence between them now as she looked at his heaving form that looked back in shock from his own outburst.

“I know,” she used the back of her knuckles to rub his chin before he held her thigh so she could have her hand back.

“That won’t happen again, I promise,” he still reassured.

“It’s okay baby, really,” Callie’s small smile was comforting, but he knew the somber memory still made her flinch sometimes when his temper grew explosive. “It’s not like I haven’t gone apeshit sometimes,”

“Yeah but I can just pick you up and toss you aside when you start tapping into those crackhead vibes,” Nick grinned when she giggled, her soft touch tracing the back of his hand as the wind tossed her loose hair around. “So do you wanna go?”

“Yeah, one more date with just us two,” she beamed, her smile brighter than any magic he’d bored witness to.

“Are you sure you’re okay with it?”

“Oh yeah, it’s not like all the times there were bad,” she suspired, leaning closer to give him that crooked, toothy grin.

Nick could only look at her in fleeting glances, but he’d recognize that glimmer of her eyes anyday. “Like?”

“Like the ball,”

Nick swallowed. “The black dress ball?”

“Mhm,” she bit her bottom lip, studying him closely.

 “Nick stoh- stop stop I’m gonna cum I’m gonna cum!” she sobbed, thighs trembling and spread in his lap. He was buried to the knuckles in her pussy, his hand other working her flushed tits that shook with her ragged breaths.

“That’s the whole point, isn’t it?” he sneered against her hair, the shimmering black dress pooled around her waist.

The aching of her knee started to dull as she ebbed closer, her heeled foot hooked onto the dashboard and fingers dug into the fabric across his thighs, surely burning her own palms the longer he extended his torture.

His fingertips found her clit for only a moment before sliding two fingers back in, her spine arching immediately when he drummed her spot.

“Ah fuck-” she choked, curling off his body. “Nick, Nick Nick-”

“Fuck I love it when you shake like that,” he growled, teeth bared and gripping her breast tight enough to make her whimper, but it was all muted the moment she climaxed.

Callie was always a sight to behold when this moment came; the way she chanted his name until her voice broke, her hips rolling perfectly into his rhythm, and there was always the pulses of her pussy. How he could feel her slick walls milking his fingers, and could practically taste her sweet nectar he scented furiously.

“You’re fucking perfect,” he whispered, dragging his slick fingers out to rub her sensitive clit. There were a few listless jerks of her body, but Callie twisted in his hold after evening her breathing, her sore fingers curling in his shoulders to steady herself.

Her movements were wobbly and sloppy, but this night, Nick was too heated and hard to stop her from wiggling upright in his lap, and clumsily reaching down to guide his hard as rock cock inside once he’d done away with the belt and zipper.

His head hit the headrest, eyes closed and moaning against her parted lips that ghosted against his. She tasted like the champagne they’d been served in crystal glasses, her touch cold across his chest once she’d run down the length of buttons.

Every slow drop of her hips took him back in with ease, a breathless whine meeting his lips every time he filled her.

The fallen strands of her messy hair that was once pinned up in a soft french twist now tickled his cheeks as she looked down at him with balmy eyes.

Nick’s mind further unraveled when she leaned back against the steering wheel, switching to soft bounces that dropped her head back in the wake of a loud moan.

The smooth plain of her torso was bared for him to touch, his palms sliding flat up between her breasts and resting at her neck as he bucked into her sweet pussy, his own cries starting to fill the steamy space of the trucks cab.

A few snaps before his eyes brought him back with a deep flush and growing erection, his heavy eyes finding her looking up at him curiously.

“Are you daydreaming?” she smiled, poking his hip.

Nick shrugged, his knees swinging wide as he adjusted the achy hard-on in his shorts while following her to the next aisle. He quickly offered an elbow upon watching her waddle with a hand pressed into the wearied crook of her spine, still keeping a hand at her back when he reached up to top shelves for her.

“Here,” she took both of her selections and hung a bag on each of his shoulders, studying them meticulously.

“Why me?” he cocked a hairless brow.

“You’re gonna be carrying it while I’m dying of labor pains,” she grinned. “I think I like the Puma one,”

“If I’m carrying why can’t it be more me looking?”

“They don’t have any blue ones,” she pointed with a frown, narrowly avoiding the slap to her ass. “If I scream that someone from the Blue Man Group is hitting me people will come running!”

Nick chuffed, hooking his arm around her shoulders before she could slip away, hanging on tight when she tried to squirm away. She let out high pitched laughter into his chest as he shoved his face between her shoulder and cheek, all in attempts to chuff into her ear; it always made her squirm and scream.

“Cheesecake!” she finally squealed, slapping a few rounds worth of hits against his arms that didn’t phase him in the slightest. “You ruined my bun!”

“Ahh it was already fucked, c’mon fur ball,”

Now Nick barely avoided a hard punch to his arm after grabbing the bag of her choice and moving on, only coming back to her side to help her walk after she pinky promised she wouldn’t groin shot him.

“So what else?” he asked, his arm hung around her shoulders.

“Swaddling blankets. I have everything I need at home-”

Nick nearly lost his footing when his arm didn’t follow, but he quickly realized what was happening when he came to face her pinched brows and scrunched nose, the irritated turn of her jaw.

“Bad one?” he questioned keenly, glaring at a couple that murmured lowly in annoyance as they moved around a steadfast Callie at the center of an aisle.

She nodded, exhaling slowly. “Thought my water was gonna break everywhere for a second,”

Nick felt the blood come back to his face. “Wait until we’re in the car at least so I can just drive you to the hospital,”

She snickered, leaning more into his arm now as they ambled around the store.

The mostly curious, sometimes disgusted and other times intrigued gawks in their direction was for the most part ignored now; years of toughening allowed him to now brush the remarks off, but even he couldn’t resist growling lowly when the looks deviated, dragging up and down Callie, or his form. If there was ever a time Nick hated his heightened sense of smell, it was in Targets with middle aged mothers who would outwardly glare at him, but upon passing, their arousal would give them away, often accompanied by a glance over their shoulder at the beefy Orc.

“There’s another cougar looking at you,” Callie would whisper, pointing with her chin.

It’s when he’d give a small reminder to the less informed humans that he was spoken for, usually with a hand slipped into Callie’s back pocket or slyly pulling her hair back from her face to reveal the faint bite under her jaw.

“So where’re we eating?” Callie piped, gently touching a pair of thin, silver earrings whose jewels sparkled softly.

“Mariasol’s? I could go for some ceviche,” Nick’s mouth watered at just the thought.

“Oh good, I thought you were gonna be tired of Mexican after these last two weeks,”

He scoffed. “I haven’t grown tired of you, have I?” he asked against the shell of her ear, smiling when she blushed.

“Nick?”

They both turned at the unrecognized call of his name, but Callie caught the stiffening of Nick’s spine before she even had a chance to properly overlook the lean Orc woman that had called after him.

“Grohet?” Nick said, his eyes peeled.

“Yeah- hi!” she smiled, her stubby tusks barely peeking from her lips as she moved forward to hug him.

Although Nick’s embrace was stiff and half-hearted, it still shrunk Callie back to his side, unknowing where to look or how to place her hands as she took in small details of the admittedly gorgeous woman before her lover.

“How’ve you been?” she went on to ask, respectfully stepping away from him.

“Uh yeah, good, real good. God it’s been years since I’ve seen you,” Nick replied nervously, his eyes shooting to Callie’s and finding the anxiousness. “This is my girlfriend Callie,” he proudly introduced, his hand returning to the spot at her back

“The lone wolf is finally settling down, huh?” Grohet teased, shaking Callie’s hand gently.

Callie’s head cocked. Lone wolf?

 “Najbor-tuk or lavgru-mal?”

“Boy, we’re naming him Leo,” Nick went on, his chest puffing.

“About to pop then?” she asked, and although Callie nodded and snaked her arm behind Nick again with a nonchalant smile to match, she wanted out of that conversation immediately.

She didn’t need to be told to know these two had history.

The kind that made Nick fidgety, or her cock a painted brow when she spotted Callie’s obvious condition.

It also made her wonder how he’d jumped from tall, elegant Orcs with velvety voices to her stunted stature and tangly hair that even annoyed her sometimes.

God, she was almost his height and built like an Olympian-

“Maybe, but we should get going, we have a few more errands to run,” Nick’s voice broke through her thoughts, but by the time she realized she’d been glaring at Grohet, he was already shaking her hand.

“Yeah me too. It was nice meeting you, I’ll see you two around.” She grinned at Callie who could barely muster her own. Grohet strolled away leisurely, pushing her earphones back.

“I thought she moved out of LA,” he pondered out loud. “You alright?”

Callie nodded with a sour grin. “Cramps,” she lied.

“Well let’s get you off your feet then.” He offered an elbow, the couple setting off back down the aisle as Nick went on to chat about something she didn’t quite catch when glancing over her shoulder, but the mysterious woman was already gone.

It was surprising how easily he found parking this time of day, and so close, but before he could even turn off the truck, he was staring at Callie again, more notably her downcast eyes and hands toying listlessly in her lap.

“Callie,” he sighed.

“Hm?”

“Talk,”

She pursed her lips, looking at him with glossy eyes. “You never mentioned her before,”

Nick’s expression turned horrified. “Why’re you crying?”

“I’m not, it’s the fucking hormones,” she sniffled.

“What-”

“Why didn’t you ever mention her?” she questioned. “I’ve sat and talked about your exes with your mom and that one never came up,”

“She wasn’t an ex,” he intoned, resting back in his seat and turning the engine off.

“Oh bullshit,” Callie scoffed. “Just spit it out,”

He looked to her with apprehension, sighing as he said, “She was a fuck buddy,”

A few seconds of Callie’s blank mein ticked by, then a few more before she calmly situated back in her seat, holding her round stomach. “An ex would’ve been better,”

Nick sighed again, unsure of what to even say that could expel the tension, or calm the unrest in her mind.

“How long?” she asked softly.

He shook his head in uncertainty. “Five-ish months?”

Now she looked at him, her brows pulled together in mild discomfort. “How’d you two meet?”

“O-Date,”

“So it started as a date?” she whined, but Nick had grabbed her hand, turning in his seat to face her.

“She told me within ten minutes she wasn’t looking for a relationship. She only wanted sex,”

“For five months!?”

“Callie,” he stopped her rampage. “That’s not fair,”

Her brows furrowed now.

“I didn’t ridicule you for the guys you slept with before me,”

She looked down at his hand holding hers, his thumb stroking her skin. “What was she like?”

“I don’t know,”

Callie looked at him in confusion.

“It was literally just sex, we didn’t even talk. I’m surprised she even remembered my name,”

“What’s with the lone wolf thing?”

Nick looked outwards, his lips in a straight line. “It was my username…”

Callie tried, but she still giggled at it. “She’s pretty,”

Nick scoffed. “She has fake eyebrows,”

She laughed this time, bringing her forehead to rest against his knuckles. “I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be. I’d flip if one of your ex’s came strolling up like that,”

With a shrug she said, “I’m positive none of them would even come up if you were standing next to me,”

“That’s what you get when you date white boys,”

“Shut up! You fucked someone with fake eyebrows!”

Nick’s leer was menacing. “You really wanna go there?”

 “Uhh…” Callie could only utter, the sheet wrapped loosely around her bare form. “Can… are you okay? Josh-”

Fuck, was his name Josh!?

He only waved her away, his face buried in his other palm as he choked down hiccuping sobs and sat facing away from her at the end of his bed. His bony shoulders shook terribly; it freaked her out a little bit.

“Y-you can lea-leave,” he at last choked out, rising naked from his spot and wobbling out of his messy room.

She could hear him bumping against the doorframe to another room, and until she heard the door lock did she remain motionless, but as soon as she could hear his intensifying cries drowning out in the slurred words of who ever he was calling, Callie was on her feet and pulling her clothes back on with her phone pressed between her ear and shoulder.

“Pickuppickuppickup-” she hissed, yanking her jeans up her legs.

“Hey bitch-

“Rosie come pick me up,” Callie rushed, flinging her phone down only a moment to pull her shirt on.

“That was fast-”

“NO, he fucked me for three seconds now he’s in the other room crying!”

There was a long pause. “What!?”

 “Why are you making me relive that?” Callie carped.

“Cuz you reminded me of the time I rubbed off one of her eyebrows and it was horrifying,”

She managed to stifle most of the laughter, but he’d at least had the courtesy of not laughing at her when she’d first retold the tale of her flee from the boy that had started sobbing like she’d murdered his family before him, and muted her amusement.

“Are you okay?” he asked again, his hand smoothing the back of her head.

Callie nodded, the rampant thoughts diminished and Leo rousing lively after hearing his father speak. “I’m sorry,” she again said softer.

There was only a shake of his head before he closed the space between them, his lips meeting hers for confident, full kisses that made her cheeks warm. His big hands concealing her reddened cheeks only continued to warm as he prolonged the kisses, speaking softly to her in whispers only she would ever hear.

“Okay,” Nick forcefully threw the truck into park in his excitement, the pair looking out to where they’d already spotted Dinara and Oleg sitting at one of the outside patios of the bar. “Ready?”

She nodded, but didn’t move except for her leg that was bouncing like it had its own engine.

“Baby,” he held the back of her neck until she looked at him with glossy, wide eyes.

“It’s the third time,” her voice broke, quickly wiping her eyes. “What if-”

“No, we already said no what if’s. This,” he reached to place a hand over her flat stomach that would soon start to bulge. “This is it. There’s no more what ifs,”

Her lip started to tremble. “What if I lose this one too?”

Before she could even continue he was bringing her forehead against his, holding her steadfast, vanquishing all of the fear if only for a few seconds. Her grip on his wrists was tight, but he knew it was out of fear, not repulsion, and his unwavering support was what she’d need now and until she pushed this baby out despite fearing it would be ripped from her grasp like the ones previous.

“This is the one Callie,” he spoke softly, his palms moving smoothly over her cheeks. “Pick names because you’re gonna be a mom,”

She smiled, weakly, but it was still something. He kissed her head when it dropped, allowing her the minutes she needed to compose herself before they’d once again step before his parents and tell them she was expecting.

“It feels like yesterday,” he mumbled, his mottled finger following Leo.

“I didn’t think I could do it,” she admitted carefully, shame filling those big caramel eyes when meeting Nick’s bewilderment. “My body’s never been reliable,”

He couldn’t argue that. Between miscarriages and endless medicated routines that turned Callie’s body sour, the ornery temper of her womb would always seem to flare up when she least needed it.

“Baby?” he called, shrugging off his bag by the door and hanging his keys. He pushed down Pucca who excitedly pawed as his hip, shoving her wide head under his hand with a series of high-pitched whines.

“Where’s mama?” he played, but the sudden spin and glance over her shoulder Pucca shot back at him brought his teasing manner down. Nick furrowed his brows as he looked down at Pucca’s perked ears and straight as an arrow tail.

“Where’s mama?” he asked again, beelining after her when she took off down the hall, her nails ripping across the carpet.

The blood assaulted his senses before he even made it to Callie’s aid, curled up in bed under the sheets.

Pucca started barking beside her, whining when Nick whipped the sheet away to lay bare the blood pooling beneath her.

“Cal-” he gasped, Pucca continuing to cry beside them.

The stench of sickly blood still laid vivid in the meadows of his mind no matter how he fought to forget it’s odor, but a quick, and comforting look at her stomach swelled beautifully with his healthy baby brought him back from the darker corners of his mind.

“Ready to eat?” he asked.

“Yep.” She nodded, thankful to be steered away from those memories.

Nick was there as always to help her down from the high seat, his hold at her sides unmoving until she was steady and clear headed. His daily attentiveness reminded her of the faith she held in him, knowing the same strong arms that so guarded her would be where Leo would lay safely, cradled and shielded from any harm.

As she looked up at him with their hands joined, listening to him speak about the ambiance of the outside bar he wanted to sit at, she knew he’d share his thoughts and lessons with their son throughout his life, confident that the same excitement that glimmered in his eyes would grow brighter once he looked into Leo’s inquisitive eyes.

Nick took notice to her quiet stares, her brows furrowed every so slightly as she gazed, and listened, a hand rested over her stomach once sat under the warm lights lining the patio like stars.

“What?” he scoffed, his curiosity growing when she shook her head, but gave him that toothy, crooked grin.

“I just like listening to you talk,”

“Even after all these years?”

“I can’t wait to hear you talk to Leo,” she wavered, batting her glossy eyes.

Nick waved his hand, leaning his cheek into his palm shyly when she smiled adoringly at him.

But did she know how excited he was to see her with Leo in her arms? To at last give her what she’d fought for? To be lulled by the soft lullabies he knew she was saving for her son, and watch her admire the tiny hands she’d soon be able to kiss?

Nick stared at her now much in the same way she did, his heart hammering and his quiet breaths unsteady.

Could he keep her forever? Would her overflowing love for Leo leave room for him after all he’d put her through to get here?

He swallowed, smiling off her soft accusation of staring, his eyes diverting to the menus before them.

His eyes roamed over the words, but his heart was directing his attention to the question he’d wanted to hear her scream yes to that first time he’d ever spoken of his desire to make her his wife.

“They’re gonna like you,” he buoyed, snatching her hand to kiss her fingers.

“Says the one who told me how vicious your mother was when she met your other girlfriends,” she whined.

“You’re different,”

“Oh yeah? How?”

Nick sat up, inclining to kiss her sweetly once before saying, “I didn’t plan to marry any of those other girls,”

It didn’t register right away, but when it did, he saw the gravity of his words flicker across her face. First it was a loose smile, then the furrowed brows, them pure confusion, all making him smirk.

“What?” she croaked.

“You heard me,”

She situated better, scooting closer. “How’re you so confident after everything that’s happened? You never once thought we were hopeless?”

“Sure, but I never stopped feeling it. No matter what I did it’s been the same since I first saw you. Hit me like a bullet to the heart,” he explained, witnessing the glaze move over her eyes.

“Wh-” she cleared her throat when her voice cracked severely, moving her hair behind her ears. “Why?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Cause of the shit you’ll get for wanting to be with someone like me,”

He blew air. “I don’t give a fuck what anyone says, even if it’s our families. And it doesn’t have to be soon, hell it can be on our deathbeds, but no matter what, I’m gonna marry you one day Callie. Even if we’ve only known each other so briefly, and some of it was apart, I can’t fathom a life without you,”

She blinked away the moisture in her eyes. “You’re so sure you wanna spend that long with me?”

“Are you asking me, or yourself?” he questioned, leaning on a hand closer to her. “If you don’t want to spend that long with me, it’s okay-”

“I’m asking you. I know what I want, but do you?” she asked softly.

He kissed her again, resting his forehead against hers. “I want forever with you. Everything about you-”

“My anxiety?”

“Callie-”

“I can never give you a family,” she grieved, but he hushed her, kissing her silent.

“Anything, everything, always. You can’t scare me away,” he laughed, and so did she.

Nick glanced around. Could I do it here? There were only a few more patrons filling up the patio that late afternoon, individuals that hadn’t even given the odd couple second glances.

He looked back to Callie, leaned to the side and going on about Leo favoring her left side the past few days.

 I don’t have a ring.

That smothered his flame some, but the thought of Callie not being his in every sense possible made his heart ache, even if she was branded with his mark and carried his scent.

He gazed at the smile that had made his heart thunder to life that first time all those years ago, the freckles he’d once counted as she slept tangled in his hold. Her big eyes that twinkled with life, even in the dark.

Callie’s soft ranting about the price of an enchilada dish halted when her hand was suddenly enveloped by his on the tables surface, and as soon as she found the bubbling, skittish fear in his eyes, somewhere deep down in her heart, she knew what was coming.

“Callie-”

“Hey there! My name is Kim and I’ll be helpin’ you two out tonight,” the cheery, short statured waitress popped up, laying down coasters. “Can I start you two off with any Liquid Marijuanas or Mai Tai’s? Maybe a bottle of Black Sky for you sir?”

“Uh-” Callie started.

“Woops! Or maybe some waters? Fresh horchata? Jamaica?”

“Can we have time to look at the menu?” Nick stopped her, his agitation growing.

“For sure! I’ll swing by in a few minutes!” and Kim was off, pacing towards the next table.

Nick exhaled bitterly, letting go of her hand to open his menu again in preparation.

“What were you gonna say?” Callie asked, eyes hopeful and waiting.

 Not now, not here. I’ll take the signs. “If you minded if I drank a little,” he grinned.

The mild disappointment in her tone when she replied made him wonder if she knew what had been coming, and if she’d been hopeful for it.

Callie acted nonchalant when she leaned back in her chair, quickly changing subjects and not really letting a word in otherwise, but he understood. He knew it was so she didn’t have to argue with her own thoughts and emotions of hidden embarrassment.

Suddenly the dinner felt like it’d take too long, but a quick reminder of their last date they’d ever have as just Nick and Callie settled that impatience.

If the time he would ask could be perfect, he’d wait.

But once the food came and went, his nerves grew.

When they finally raised from their seats after talking for what felt like hours, lost in one anothers smiles and soft caresses across their hands, he found his hands starting to shake.

The sky was melting into waves of oranges and purples, glowing over the crashing waves she wanted to sit in the sand before. Nick held their shoes in one hand and hers in the other, wobbling over the warm sand until they found a spot close to the shoreline.

He made sure she was safely nestled before flopping down behind her, his legs on either of her sides and arms coming to wrap around her cool arms, her thick hair wisping in the cool breeze under his chin.

She reclined into his chest, gently shh-ing Leo when Nick brought his vivacious side out, both of them chuckling when his touch was kicked away.

Their voices and conversation dimmed with the setting sun, Callie’s heavy eyes lingering on the thin wash of water that crept up and down the beach.

Sometimes she could still hear Pucca barking and running through the shallow water, uncaring of what child she mowed down in her efforts to chase her ball. Callie didn’t think she’d ever get over the absence of her deceased companion. Her bed still sat by the hallway entrance, her bowls still below the bar.

She turned her shoulders to press her face into Nick’s chest, curling into a tighter ball.

His firm hold around her frame stirred a content moan, goosebumps firing up her arms where his hand rubbed up and down.

Nick released a steadying breath low enough to go unnoticed, opening his eyes after his small pep talk that now felt foolish. Nothing would help with this intense fluttering in his gut except her final answer, whether it be what he wanted or not.

“Callie?”

“Hm?” she lifted her nose to press under his chin.

He blinked away the heartbeat behind his eyes, licking his dry lips. “Will you marry me?”

Callie looked up at him now, and he worried she’d heard the shake in his breath after asking, but the beaming smile shining up at him after some visible tension had fallen off her shoulders made him laugh nervously, his brows starting to furrow when she didn’t answer right away.

“Yes, yes- I want to be your wife,” she sighed, her grip already moving to his broad chest.

Nick felt his heart vault back between his ribs from his stomach, a loud exhale making her laugh when she realized he’d been holding his breath.

“Did you think I’d say no?” she asked against his mouth when he started peppering her face with kisses.

“I did,” he groaned apologetically. “Every time I brought it up you seemed to hate the idea,”

“What!?” she exclaimed. “Nick I’ve wanted to marry you since we first got back together, but I didn’t trust myself to remain the person you fell in love with if I would’ve kept losing babies, especially Leo,”

“Why would I stop loving you for that?”

“I don’t doubt you, but I don’t know if you would’ve been able to live with the person I could’ve become, regardless of how much you love me. I didn’t want to disappoint you anymore,” she explained sullenly.

She tried to look down despite his hands angling her face up, pressing her cheek into his palm bashfully.

“You’d be doing me the honor of being my wife, because I don’t deserve someone as brave, and strong and fucking gorgeous as you”

“Nick stop,” she wept, his hands bringing her back when she shook her head.

“I don’t deserve you but you’re my other half, Calista. I’m not me without you. You’re my best friend, and my home. You’re my fucking girl,” his voice had started to shake again, his brows arched in annoyance that he couldn’t remain composed, but her lips sealed his when there was no more to be said. Without words she calmed the torrid emotions, reassuring that he hadn’t made a mistake in asking for her hand.

She promised she’d excel the ideal image of a wife just as he did when he swore her everlasting protection and devotion, and together they vowed the home for Leo, the love, patience, and everything else they would surround their son with as he came into this world and grew.

When their tears had dried and he again kept her tight against his chest, his flannel removed and draped over her body, she started to giggle to herself until he leaned back to look at her in question.

“You couldn’t have asked before we ran into your ex fuck buddy so you could introduce me as your fiancée?” she smiled playfully.

“Do you want me to scream it in case anymore are around?”

Her smile dissolved. “More?”

“I’m joking.” he grinned, blocking her hits against his arms and chest until he got his arms around hers to continue smothering her with kisses.

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✨🎉🔔⛪⛪⛪🔔🎉✨

i'm already writing the next chapter. it's time.

as always, thank you @rfitzhugh74​ for being the kind of best friend everyone deserves, and always helping me with this beast 💛🖤

[chilling-seavey]

Passchendaele - IX

A/N It’s certainly not easy...

T/W Description of war hospitals, mentions of war wounds, front line surgery, and death

Daniel blinked his eyes open slowly, the bustling noise around him waking him up finally. He didn’t know where he was, but he did know that his left leg was throbbing in pain and he winced heavily in agony, shifting a little under the white sheet. He turned to his right noting the row of metal beds, each taken up by a wounded soldier, the same spanning to his left, taking up the majority of the floor of the church in the city centre of Ypres.

The space was noisy with the use of metal equipment, men wailing in pain, and nurses rushing around to tend to their patients. Daniel was completely disoriented, not knowing what day it was or what even happened to him to end up in the field hospital all the way back in the city. He pulled up the end of the thin white blanket that covered him, glancing down at the stitched-up wound on his calf, and he winced lightly as he set the blanket back down and rested a hand to his head tiredly.

He must have drifted back off because he was woken again by Zach taking a seat next to his bed, his equipment clanging nosily against the wooden chair and metal bedframe. Daniel blinked tiredly at him, unable to even open his mouth.

“I’m glad you’re alright.” Zach whispered, hesitant to speak as if he would hurt him more by speaking to him.

Daniel coughed lightly, his throat scratchy, and he managed a soft, “What happened?”

“Um,” Zach looked to his hands folded on his lap, “You were helping me with Lieutenant Marais’ body and then you fainted. I think you got shot during the counterattack and lost a lot of blood and it all caught up to you. I pulled you a few yards down to the Lieutenant Colonel who was helping gather the wounded and he and I got you on a truck with other men to the city. It’s been two days, but I was only able to be granted momentary leave to see you today so I’m sorry about that. I would have come sooner if I had the opportunity.”

“Christian’s okay?” Daniel asked roughly.

“Just fine.” Zach nodded.

He glanced around the hospital, wide eyes taking in the dozens of filled beds before turning back to Daniel.

“There were so many wounded out there.” Zach whispered, as if it was secretive information. “So many dead…just…staring at me. Men bleeding out and clinging onto me, crying out for me to save them.”

Zach hid his small sob into the material of his cap that he had clenched in his hands.

Daniel stared at the stone ceiling high above him, taking a trembling breath as he listened to his friend’s horror stories of all that he had managed to miss.

“I can’t seem to wash the blood out from under my fingernails…I don’t even know whose it is.” Zach whimpered.

“I think Private Seavey has had enough stories for today.” a gentle voice spoke from the foot of the bed.

Daniel glanced down to see Elizabeth’s soft smile staring back at him. His eyes went wide.

“Oh, Christ, I’m dead.” Daniel breathed.

“You are very much alive, darling.” Elizabeth chuckled, walking to his other side to press a gentle hand to his forehead to check his temperature. “A little warm but very much alive.”

“What are you doing here?” Daniel asked, reaching out carefully to touch her blonde curls that were tucked under the white veil of her nurse’s uniform.

“Saving your life.” she teased, taking his hand in hers. “My training school was visited by a recruitment officer and asked any of the girls if we wanted to enlist as nurses. I thought it was the perfect opportunity to fight for Britain with you since I can’t enlist as a solider.”

“Goodness.” Daniel whispered, tracing her soft hands with his, as if not believing that she was real. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“I wasn’t sure where I would be stationed, and I didn’t want to get our hopes up.”

Daniel simply stared at her, his fingertips rising to dance softly over her cheek.

"You’re lucky your friend was with you.” Elizabeth continued as she offered a friendly smile to Zach who was still breathing shallowly to try and supress his tears. The beautiful woman smiling at him sent his cheeks red and he supressed a grin to his lap. “He brought you to us just in time.”

“How bad was it?” Daniel asked softly, turning his gaze to his leg under the blanket, his hand falling to hold the front of her apron and he quickly looked back up at her, feeling like he looked away for one second too long she would disappear.

“Really awful.” Elizabeth said honestly, setting her hand over his. “But I helped the doctor with the surgery and made sure you were all cleaned up afterwards. A few days rest and you’ll be as good as new.”

“Can I kiss you?” Daniel whispered.

Elizabeth simply grinned at him, chuckling at his bluntness, and she leaned down to press her lips to his. She stayed motionless for a few long seconds before pulling back, running her thumb over his cheek adoringly.

“Not in front of the children.” Zach whined dramatically, hiding his face behind his cap.

“Look away then, you bastard.” Daniel laughed, pulling his girl back in for another quick kiss.

“Don’t speak to the man who saved your life with such attitude.” Elizabeth teased as she stood back up. “Private Herron might expect a Victoria Cross for his efforts.”

“Really?” Zach gaped.

“Don’t tease him like that. He’ll think you’re serious.” Daniel chuckled. Zach frowned at him.

“I see. Well, what do I know? I’m just a woman.” Elizabeth shrugged as she brought over a glass of water from her trolley, sending a wink to Zach who blushed furiously.

Daniel could only smile warmly at her as she helped him to sit up a little and offered him a sip of the lukewarm water.

“Your throat feels okay?” she asked as Daniel took the cup from her and she rested her fingers gently over his neck, surveying the area as she was instructed to as a nurse.

He flinched slightly at the tenderness but nodded, “It’s fine.”

“You had two black and blue handprints around your neck when they brought you in. Do you remember who gave you those?” Elizabeth questioned.

Daniel could still feel the young German’s hands around his throat, hear their laboured breathing and the muted sound of gunfire behind them, the panic in the eyes staring down at him as he lost breath. The sound of the blade piercing through his chest, his warm blood dripping over his hands and onto his own uniform, watching the life drain from the eyes of the young man no older than himself.

A wave of nausea washed over him and Elizabeth grabbed the bucket from the bedside just as Daniel bent over to throw up everything in his stomach. Zach looked to the ground as Daniel let out a small apology, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and sat back.

“It’s okay.” Elizabeth whispered, taking one of the clean cloths from her apron to wipe his mouth and his hand and dabbed the sweat from his forehead lightly. “No more talking. You just need your rest.”

Daniel shivered with cold as she held him shuffled back down, resting his head against the thin pillow and tucked the sheet over him again. Elizabeth brushed her hand through his tangled hair and fell to his cheek and he moved weakly to curl his fingers around hers.

“Get some sleep, darling.” she smiled pitifully at her love, her heart aching at the pain he was in. He fell asleep quickly, his body drained from the events of the last days and his fight to recovery, his hand falling out of hers.

Elizabeth looked over to Zach who was staring blankly at the bedsheets tucked snugly around Daniel. He sensed her eyes on him and he looked up at her.

“I need you to help me with something.” Elizabeth whispered.

Zach frowned with curiosity but nodded, standing up to follow her to the end of the hospital bed to leave Daniel sleeping.

“How many men do you trust wholeheartedly that are also on temporary leave with you?” Elizabeth asked softly, crossing her arms over her chest, eyeing the other nurses moving quickly from patient to patient, none taking notice of them.

“Only one really; Lance Corporal Avery. Why?”

“I want to join you on the front lines. As a solider. But I’ll need your help.”

“A soldier? But, ma’am, only men can be soldiers.” Zach spoke slowly.

The ‘ma’am’ made Elizabeth smile at the young man, “I know. That’s why I need your help. I’ll need a disguise; a uniform and things of the sort.”

“With all due respect, ma’am, I truly don’t think you want to-”

“This is what I want. And I will be doing it with or without your help. I would ask Daniel, but he’s indisposed at the moment.”

“It’s dangerous. You should stay in here where you’re safe.” Zach spoke as strongly as he could.

“I’m a woman, not a porcelain doll, Private Herron.” Elizabeth spoke strongly, keeping her voice low to prevent anyone else from hearing their plans, looking at him from under furrowed eyebrows. He couldn’t deny that she was intimidating when set in her ways. “I want to serve my country. And I will do anything in my power to get to the front lines along side anyone else.”

Zach bit nervously at his lip, seeing nothing but fierce determination in Elizabeth’s green eyes. He realized there was no way he was going to sway her perspective and he sighed deeply, “Fine. I’ll bring Jack with me tomorrow.”

[letterfromtrenwith]

Viva Las Vegas

A Drake/Morwenna Modern AU

Drake & Morwenna do something unexpected

-¦-

"Okay?" Morwenna reached over and squeezed Drake's hand, offering him a reassuring little smile. Doing his best to smile back, Drake rubbed his free hand on the leg of his newly bought suit trousers, shifting on the velvet-covered bench seat.

"Yeah, of course, I'm just...thinking about how Demelza's going to kill me. And Sam. And probably Ross."

"We don't have to do this, you know, we could just go back to the hotel - "

"No! No. This whole thing was my idea, I'm not going to call it off now. Besides, this is what you want, too, isn't it?" He paused. "Isn't it?"

"Yes, you ridiculous man!" Morwenna laughed, and any anxiety Drake might have been feeling instantly drained away. There was a good reason they were here - the reason being that he was head over heels in love with her.

He hadn't exactly planned for this - this holiday was supposed to be just that, a holiday, celebrating a a big commission he'd got, and Morwenna finishing her Master's - but once they'd arrived he hadn't been able to get the idea out of his head. Eventually, after dinner on their second night, he'd snuck down to the hotel's shop, pretending he hadn't packed enough pairs of socks. By the time he got back, Morwenna had fallen asleep on the sofa in their room so it hadn't been quite as romantic as he'd pictured, but the way she'd flung her arms around his neck after he slipped the ring on her finger had made it pretty much perfect nevertheless.

"Demelza can hardly get that upset, can she? I mean, it's not like we're drunk or barely know each other, and she's been dropping some pretty heavy hints about us getting married for a while now..."

"Yes, but I don't think she was imagining us eloping in Vegas!" Drake was quite certain that his sister probably had their wedding already mentally planned down to the last detail. She'd done the same for Sam and Emma, which hadn't exactly slowed the break down of that relationship. He loved his sister very much, but she could a bit overbearing, especially when egged on by Caroline. "Do you think your family will be okay with it?"

"Mum might be a bit upset, but she'll get over it. Elizabeth and George won't mind - George'll probably just be happy he didn't have to pay for anything! Besides, as much as we love them, we can't do this for anybody but ourselves."

"You're right." Before Drake could say anything else, a pair of door opened on the other side of the room. Just inside, he could see honey-coloured wood, and a grey marbled floor covered in white petals. Morwenna's one condition for agreeing to having the wedding here was that they absolutely weren't getting married in some tacky neon coloured place by a man dressed as Elvis, with which Drake agreed wholeheartedly. Luckily, their hotel concierge had managed to get them a cancellation at this place, which was far more elegant than Drake had ever imagined anything in Las Vegas being.

"Drake...Cairne and Morwenna Chy - Chi - help me out here, honey." The Chapel official, a plump, cheerful looking women in her mid 50s with a fantastic bottle blond beehive, gave an apologetic smile.

"Chynoweth." Morwenna replied, slowly, smiling. "And that's us!" She turned to Drake, squeezing his hand again. "You ready?"

"Absolutely."

~

"Hmmmm." Morwenna squeezed her eyes shut against the bright sunlight, cursing their forgetting to close all the blinds before they went to sleep. Then, she remembered exactly what else they'd had on their minds - and it hadn't just been the free bottle of champagne the hotel had given them as a congratulations. Lifting her left hand, she let the light shine on the rings - the plain white gold band they'd bought at the chapel, and the simple engagement ring with its small but perfectly formed stone. Drake had offered to return that if she didn't like it, but of course he'd managed to find exactly what she'd always wanted. Big flashy rocks weren't her thing.

Married! She could hardly believe it. Although Drake had sort of obliquely dropped hints that he saw marriage in their future Morwenna definitely hadn't expected him to propose on this trip. She hadn't had a single moment's hesitation in accepting, however, and she couldn't believe how happy she was now.

She only hoped their families were happy, too. She'd meant what she said last night about Elizabeth and George probably being cool with it - they themselves had got married as soon as they possibly could back home - and her mum would hopefully not mind too much. She hadn't when Morwenna's sister, Rowella, had run off to Ireland to get married. Having two daughters elope would probably make for a good story at her WI bridge nights. Amelia Chynoweth had never been one for pomp and circumstance, although Morwenna had to admit to a tiny pang at not having her mum with her at her wedding.

It was Drake's family she was more concerned about. Demelza was a lovely woman, and she'd been nothing but kind and friendly to Morwenna, but she'd had a heavy hand in matchmaking them to begin with, and her big sister instinct to well-meaningly meddle in her brother's lives didn't seem to have gone away now they were all adults. Her husband, Ross, was another thing altogether - he'd been cordial enough to Morwenna when he was home, but she sensed that whatever old bad blood there was with Elizabeth and George had coloured his opinion of her somewhat. How he'd feel about being linked to George - who she'd actually once overheard him refer to as his 'worst enemy', which was not a phrase she thought people used nowadays outside of TV shows - by marriage, she wasn't sure. Sam would support them, definitely, even if as a Vicar he might consider a Las Vegas wedding a bit frivolous.

By way of announcement they'd both sent a group text to their respective relatives last night - a picture of them standing under the Chapel's 'Just Married' sign and hanging silver bells, Drake in his quickly bought suit and Morwenna in a short white dress and silver shoes (both of which had counted as her something new, some pretty powder blue underwear purchased behind Drake's back, her grandmother's necklace and a lucky coin from the Chapel's receptionist had done the rest). Then, they'd both turned their phones off and got down to celebrating their first night as man and wife.

"Good morning, Mrs Carne." Morwenna hadn't even noticed that Drake was awake beside her. He propped himself up on one elbow, and grinned down at her, his hair all over the place and eyes still half-sleepy. She felt a matching smile creep over her face just before he leant down and kissed her.

"Good morning, Mr Carne." She replied, when he finally gave her a chance to draw breath. "How are you today?"

"Well, on the one hand, I'm the happiest man in the world." He suddenly reached out and hauled her to him, making her squeak out a surprised laugh. He kissed her quickly again, and then made a face. "On the other hand, I'm a bit apprehensive, because I've got 47 missed calls from Demelza!"

[chaos-of-the-abyss]

How can you like daenerys

Quite a lot of reasons, actually. For the sake of my time, I’ll limit my answer to ten of them.

1. She tolerates disrespect in her own court.

“We are all dead, then. You gave us death, not freedom.” Ghael leapt to his feet and spat into her face. 

Strong Belwas seized him by the shoulder and slammed him down onto the marble so hard that Dany heard Ghae’s teeth crack. The Shavepate would have done worse, but she stopped him.

“Enough,” she said, dabbing at her cheek with the end of her tokar. “No one has ever died from spittle. Take him away.”

How many leaders and rulers in ASOIAF would have tolerated being spat on in their own court? Not many, I’m sure. 

2. She’s witty.

“Little girl, another woman once tried to geld me with her teeth. She has no teeth now, but my sword is as long and thick as ever. Shall I take it out and show you?”

“No need. After my eunuchs cut it off, I can examine it at my leisure.”

3. She’s a creative and resourceful ruler, despite having never received any sort of training, unlike the majority of other leaders.

“Not a hole. A ditch, to bring water from the river to the fields. We mean to plant beans. The beanfields must have water.”

Ser Barristan remained. “Our stores are ample for the moment,” he reminded her, “and Your Grace has planted beans and grapes and wheat. Your Dothraki have harried the slavers from the hills and struck the shackles from their slaves. They are planting too, and will be bringing their crops to Meereen to market. And you will have the friendship of Lhazar.”

4. One of, if not the most, compassionate ruler in ASOIAF who is determined to take care of her people, despite what her advisors might say.

“Ser Jorah, you say we have no food left. If I march west, how can I feed my freedmen?”

“You can’t. I am sorry, Khaleesi. They must feed themselves or starve. Many and more will die along the march, yes. That will be hard, but there is no way to save them. We need to put this scorched earth well behind us.”

Dany had left a trail of corpses behind her when she crossed the red waste. It was a sight she never meant to see again. “No,” she said. “I will not march my people off to die.” My children. 

It was time, though. A girl might spend her life at play, but she was a woman grown, a queen, a wife, a mother to thousands. Her children had need of her.

Daenerys considers the people under her rule her children. That says enough about her compassion for others.

5. She’s pragmatic and a great military strategist, again despite having no formal training in these matters.

“Ser Jorah Mormont scowled. “You told the sellswords-”

“-that I wanted their answers on the morrow. I made no promises about tonight. The Stormcrows will be arguing about my offer. The Second Sons will be drunk on the wine I gave Mero. And the Yunkai’i believe they have three days. We will take them under cover of this darkness.”

“They will have scouts watching for us.”

“And in the dark, they will see hundreds of campfires burning,” said Dany. “If they see anything at all.”

“Khaleesi,” said Jhogo, “I will deal with these scouts. They are no riders, only slavers on horses.”

“Just so,” she agreed. “I think we should attack from three sides. Grey Worm, your Unsullied shall strike at them from right and left, while my kos lead my horse in wedge for a thrust through their center. Slave soldiers will never stand before mounted Dothraki.” She smiled. “To be sure, I am only a young girl and know little of war. What do you think, my lords?”

The following is describing Daenerys’ conquest of Meereen. Meereen’s walls have no weak points, the Harpies heads can squirt hot oil, and all the trees were burned by the slavers to prevent Daenerys from being able to build weapons. Daenerys doesn’t want to order the Unsullied to assault the wall directly because it would lead to pointless loss of their lives (courtesy of the boiling oil from the Harpies heads). So instead:

“Aegon the Conqueror had won Westeros with three dragons, but she had taken Meereen with sewer rats and a wooden cock, in less than a day. Poor Groleo. He still grieved for his ship, she knew. If a war galley could ram another ship, why not a gate? That had been her thought when she commanded the captains to drive their ships ashore. Their masts had become her battering rams, and swarms of freedmen had torn their hulls apart to build mantlets, turtles, catapults, and ladders. The sellswords had given each ram a bawdy name, and it had been the mainmast of Meraxes-formerly Joso’s Prank-that had broken the eastern gate."

6. She's willing to and makes an effort to learn, and learn she does.

Dany reined in her mare and looked across the fields, to where the Yunkish host lay athwart her path. Whitebeard had been teaching her how best to count the numbers of a foe. “Five thousand,” she said after a moment.

“A queen must listen to all,” she reminded him. “The highorn, and the low, the strong and the weak, the noble and the venal. One voice may speak you false, but in many there is always truth to be found.” She had read that in a book.

7. She’s brave. Anyone who has the balls to face a dragon with only a whip is far more courageous than a considerable number of characters. And before anyone says,“the dragons wouldn’t hurt her no matter how angry they get, she’s their mother,” yes they would. Drogon tried to kill her.

His head turned. Smoke rose between his teeth. His blood was smoking too, where it dripped upon the ground. He beat his wings again, sending up a choing storm of scarlet sand. Dany stumbled into the hot red cloud, coughing. He snapped.

“No” was all that she had time to say. No, not me, don’t you know me? The black teeth closed inches from her face. He meant to tear my head off. The sand was in her eyes. She stumbled over the pitmaster’s corpse and fell on her backside.

8. Her idea of what it means to rule is extremely idealistic, even after all the exploitation she’s suffered. By intentions alone Daenerys is already a far better candidate as ruler than most other leaders in the books.

“I was alone for a long time, Jorah. All alone but for my brother. I was such a small scared thing. Viserys should have protected me, but instead he hurt me and scared me worse. He shouldn’t have done that. He wasn’t just my brother, he was my king. Why do the gods make kings and queens, if not to protect the ones who can’t protect themselves?”

“Some kings make themselves, Robert did.”

“He was no true king,” Dany said scornfully. “He did no justice. Justice... that’s what kings are for.”

She would rather have drifted in the fragrant pool all day, eating iced fruit off silver trays and dreaming of a house with a red door, but a queen belongs to her people, not to herself.

She believes it’s her duty as a queen to protect her people and bring justice. In Dany’s eyes, a queen must put her people first, herself second. You’d think someone who suffered under the hand of her cruel and abusive older brother, who she also considers her king, and then exploited and sold like an animal by him to a barbarian tribe, would make a thirteen-year-old girl quite jaded about rulers. But Daenerys still wholeheartedly believes that rulers should be selfless, protect their people, and bring justice, though the people who had power over her in the past did none of those things for her.

9. She’s intensely self-critical.

That morning she summoned her captains and commanders to the garden, rather than descending to the audience chamber. “Aegon the Conqueror brought fire and blood to Westeros, but afterward he gave them peace, prosperity, and justice. But all I have brought to Slaver’s Bay is death and ruin. I have been more khal than queen, smashing and plundering, then moving on.”

“You have brought freedom as well,” Missandei pointed out.

“Freedom to starve?” asked Dany sharply. “Freedom to die? Am I a dragon, or a harpy?” Am I mad? Do I have the taint?

“A dragon,” Ser Barristan said with certainty. “Meereen is not Westeros, Your Grace.”

“But how can I rule seven kingdoms if I cannot rule a single city?” He had no answer to that. Dany turned away from them, to gaze out over the city once again. “My children need time to heal and learn. My dragons need time to grow and test their wings. And I need the same. I will not let this city go the way of Astapor. I will not let the harpy of Yunkai chain up those I’ve freed all over again.” She turned back to look at their faces. I will not march.”

What sort of mother lets her children rot in darkness?

If I look back, I am doomed. Dany told herself... but how could she not look back? I should have seen it coming. Was I so blind, or did I close my eyes willfully, so I would not have to see the price of power?

Mother of dragons, Daenerys thought. Mother of monsters. What have I unleashed upon the world? A queen I am, but my throne is made of burned bones, and it rests on quicksand. Without dragons, how could she hope to hold Meereen, much less win back Westeros? I am the blood of the dragon, she thought. If they are monsters, so am I.

There is blood on my hands too, and on my heart, We are not so different, Daario and I. We are both monsters.

Bless me, Dany thought bitterly. Your city is gone to ash and bone, your people are dying all around you. I have no shelter for you, no medicine, no hope. Only stale bread and wormy meat, hard cheese, a little milk. Bless me, bless me.

Now we must keep in mind that Daenerys’ chapters are told from her POV. They are not objective by any means. The fact that she’s so self-critical in these quotes (and more) does not mean she can never be a good ruler. It’s a human thing to magnify your failures and judge yourself much more harshly than the others around you, and this is well-communicated on Dany’s POV. 

Daenerys was trying to change a system that has been in place and served as the economic foundation of Slaver’s Bay for countless years. It’s an extremely radical - even revolutionary - change. There’s not a single character that would have been able to work that situation out smoothly and without bloodshed. Yet Daenerys never takes this into consideration, she simply blames herself.

The fact that she’s so self-deprecating reveals a lot about Daenerys. For one thing, she clearly doesn’t attempt to mentally shift the blame off of herself when things go awry. This means that she’s self-aware and willing to take responsibility for her actions. Being self-critical is also something I can very much relate to, so I empathize with Daenerys here.

10. She freed slaves.

I can already hear the storm of antis crowing that she did an awful job, which is ridiculous and I dare them to do any better. When such a revolutionary change is brought about, there is simply no way it’s going to go smoothly. Like I said before, there isn’t one character in ASOIAF who would have flawlessly handled the situation Dany was in.

The “white savior” argument is also something I find odd, because slavery in ASOIAF is not race-based. Among the slaves Daenerys liberated, there were Lyseni, who are blonde-haired and blue-eyed.

I love the fact that Daenerys, despite being a queen, empathizes with the lowborn. She’s experienced the same things they have - mistreatment, fear, exploitation, to name a few - in a time that she had no say about what happened to her, like them. When she does gain power, she does her best to use it primarily to help others. 

“I will not let the harpy of Yunkai chain up those I’ve freed all over again.” She turned back to look at their faces. “I will not march.”

“Enough.” Dany slapped the table. “No one will be left to die. You are all my people.” Her dreams of home and love had blinded her. “I will not abandon Meereen to the fate of Astapor. It grieves me to say so, but Westeros must wait.”

[reddeadmort]

Hey this might sound stupid but I’ve been feelin kinda down about myself recently could you do a oneshot where the reader has low self-esteem and doesn’t thinks she’s attractive and stuff so Arthur takes it upon himself to cheer her up and make her feel better (it’s okay if you don’t wanna, I just think some soft Arthur would make me feel better ♥️) thanks x

Nawwwww we all know Arthur would make it his mission to cheer you up; though he’d probably be really confused as to why you were sad, as he thinks you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever met.Again, I wasn’t meaning to do any backstory/pre-amble, but it just kind of happened…..

I’ve tried to deliberately leave the details vague on the areas affecting the reader’s self-esteem to make it mouldable to whatever you need cheering up about :) Though, I would say this; it’s called self-esteem for a reason. It needs to come from within you; there’s no quick fix, but certainly hearing that you’re loved by Arthur might help! Just keep on trying to re-jig your brain, positively reinforce good thoughts and don’t linger on negative ones. Enjoy :) x

Arthur x F reader | “Esteem? Mine field is barren.”

Guidance: Just fluff, lovely lovely fluff.

Words: 2.1k

“Good mornin’, darlin’“. Arthur kissed the back of your neck as he stood behind you, wrapping his arms around you in a gentle embrace. 

“Morning Arthur” you smiled, placing your hands on his. “You want some coffee?” 

“Mhmm I’d rather have you.” Arthur smiled as he kissed your shoulder.

“Don’t be silly Arthur, coffee’s much better than me” you said as you pulled away, pouring him a cup. You felt embarrassed by his attention, you didn’t really know why. You loved being held in his arms, but lately, every time he did, you couldn’t help but hear those little voices… “he’ll leave you” “he’s far too good for you” “he’d be so much happier with Mary” “he’s only with you because he never meets anyone else”.  It wasn’t his fault, he seemed to worship you, god knows why. You just….well…… didn’t feel comfortable in your own skin. Or your own clothes, which were growing more ragged by the day. 

You hadn’t always felt this way; when you first started courting Arthur, you were full of confidence. You knew exactly what you wanted - him - and knew you could get it. Arthur had been a bit surprised by your self-assured approach to begin with, bemused as to why you were focusing on him; but it didn’t take long for him to want more, to want you. But the last few years of life in the gang had taken its toll. One too many failed scam of yours, too much running, too much stress. That horrible incident in the Rhodes saloon last week had just been too much. 

You’d just been trying to have a nice meal with Mary-Beth and Abigail, a bit of time away from the camp, anything to let you pretend life was more normal. You were nearly done when those men  - and by men, you meant degenerates - decided that you three need some company. You still didn’t understand how a man like Arthur - someone who killed, robbed, stole - was more of a gentleman than most of the other men you met. You’d politely told them you were fine, thank you, but they wouldn’t take no for an answer. When you’d been more forceful they’d turned on you. “We weren’t talkin’ to you, ugly. Why would you think we’d want the likes of you” they’d sneered. “I wouldn’t even let my dog fuck you”. They’d shut the hell up pretty quickly with yours and Abigail’s knives to their throats, but still….. their words had stuck with you, crept into your thoughts every time you caught a glimpse of yourself in Arthur’s shaving mirror. 

You went to give Arthur his coffee, but instead of taking it he put both hands on your face, staring into your eyes.

“Darlin’, nothin’s better than you. Just seein’ you every day make me smile.” He kissed your forehead gently before resuming eye contact. “And seein’ you in the evening…. while that makes me a whole other kind of happy.” Arthur winked as he let his hands fall from your face and took the coffee.

“You’re a strange man Mr Morgan, you should get that head looked at.” You  laughed and gave Arthur a little fake smile. “I best be getting on before Miss Grimshaw has words.”

—– 

Arthur watched you walk away, shaking his head. He’d noticed a change in you, but didn’t really understand what; you weren’t quite yourself. You still smiled, and laughed, but he’d seen a sadness in your eyes that appeared when you let your mind wander. 

“Mornin’ Mary-Beth. You well?”

“Yes thank you Arthur. How’s things with you?”

“Well, I’m alright. but something’s a bit off with (Y/N). She’s been a bit..well… I don’t know how t’say it. It’s like she don’t like herself no more.” 

Arthur shuffled awkwardly - he was used to that feeling, the self-hatred, and he knew how unpleasant it was.

“Yeh, I know Arthur, I’ve seen it too. I told you about the saloon didn’t I?”

“Yeh Mary-Beth, you did, thanks. I just….I always tell her much I love her, and how gorgeous she is - and it’s true Mary-Beth, it’s true, I’ve got the drawings to prove it - but it don’t seem to help. I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, unfortunately just cause she’s hearing it from you Arthur doesn’t mean her brain is listening. It’s something she’ll need to work on herself, and she’ll get there; but whatever you do, just don’t stop trying. It’ll be helping, I promise.” 

“Mhmmm, if you say so.”

“Tell you what Arthur, I’ve got some ideas from a book I just read. Come sit with me a while and I’ll explain”.

——      

“Come on (Y/N), we’re goin’ shopping. For a…. job you’ll be doin’”. Arthur smiled as gently took you by the shoulders and turned you in the direction of your tent. 

“I can’t Arthur, I’ve got things to do. Miss Grimshaw will kill me if I don’t have this all done by the end of the afternoon” you protested, but not wholeheartedly - of course you’d rather be shopping than scrubbing and skinning.

“Yeh you can, I’ve spoke to her, Mary-Beth’s coverin’ ya. Grab what you need for an overnight too.”

“What on earth are you planning Mr Morgan?” You loved it with Arthur surprised you, but it did make you nervous too. 

“Nothin’ bad darlin’, just trust me” he winked at you as he walked away to ready the horses. 

The ride to Saint-Denis was pleasant; you rode mostly in silence, as you often did, both lost in your own thoughts. Arthur brought you both to a stop outside one of Saint-Denis’ many upmarket clothing boutiques. 

“Come on darlin’, we need to get you a new outfit” Arthur said as he helped you off your horse. 

“Arthur, what on earth do I need a new outfit for?” 

“Errr… a job Hosea needs help with. You need somethin’ posh, like one of them ladies of leisure. Whatever one of them is.” You laughed at this, and Arthur loved it when those little creases appearing at the corner of your eyes when you did.

“Okay Mr Morgan, lead the way.” 

You enjoyed trying on the dresses and silly hats; you weren’t used to wearing something that required two people to put on, but it was fun pretending that this was your normal laugh. Arthur was doing his best to behave, being very polite with his compliments, but you could tell from the way he shuffled in his chair and bit his lip that you putting clothes on was the opposite of what was on his mind. It was nice to be wearing clothes that were better designed, fit you well; this, and the combination of the faces Arthur was making but trying to hide were making you feel quite pleased with. 

“You know darlin’ I reckon that last one was perfect. You get that one on again, I’ll get the bill sorted. Here, mister - I mean, sir - are you able to have one of the girls help her with her here? We’ve got a meetin’ to go to.” 

“Arthur, you didn’t say we were doin….it….now?” You frowned, you didn’t like not being prepared or forewarned. 

“Don’t worry, we ain’t, just need you to be seen somewhere for a bit, maybe meet someone briefly. trust me darlin’, you’ll enjoy it.” He kissed you on the hand before continuing. “I’ll head on ahead to the bar, get a few things sorted - it’s the one just a few doors up. You come on in when you’re ready and I’ll meet you at the bar.” Before you could object, Arthur was paying the shopowner and leaving. You were panicking a bit as the girls fussed and pulled at your hair; what the hell was going on? You tried your best to calm yourself, to slow your breathing. It’s Arthur. He may be daft but he isn’t stupid, if he says it’s okay it will be. But you were still a bit miffed at him, and without him here saying how pretty the dress was, you started feeling like it was a bit….much. But you went along with it, like you always did. 

After much longer than you’d have liked, you were finally making your way into the bar. This was one of Saint-Denis’ finer establishments, and you were actually glad that you were dressed up. Unfortunately, Arthur was nowhere to be seen. You sighed, and walked up to the bar to order yourself a whiskey. Just as the bartender poured it, a familiar deep voice rumbled next to you. 

“Please put that on my tab sir.” You turned, smiling, to look at Arthur, and your jaw dropped. He looked……. magnificent, all dressed up in an evening suit, with his hair slicked back with pomade. You were so used to seeing him covered in some combination of mud, blood and sweat, seeing him like this was a shock. Before you could say anything, Arthur turned to address you.

“Good evenin’ Ma’am. I do hope you don’t mind. My name’s Tacitus Kilgore. I’m looking for the most beautiful woman in Saint-Denis, and I do believe that maybe you”. You blushed at this, finally shutting your slightly open mouth. 

“May I request the name of the beauty standin’ before me?” Arthur gave you a sly grin, which you returned.

“Why o’course Master Kilgore.” It hadn’t taken you long to perfect a southern drawl, and you slipped right into it. “Ma name’s Penelope Balfour.”

“Penelope Balfour? Well that name’s just about deservin’ of that gorgeous face.”

“Oh Master Kilgore, don’t be sayin’ things like that, you’ll be givin’ a girl ideas” you gave a delicate laugh as you spoke, drawing and opening the fan that had come with the outfit.

“Miss Balfour, please call me Tacitus. I would be honoured if you’d join me for dinner.”

“Why, Tacitus, very forward of you” you giggled as you fanned yourself. 

“Well, Penelope, I figured I best ask before a queue formed behind me.”Arthur was laying it on thick you thought. But hell, you didn’t care. This was fun.

“I’d be delighted Tacitus” you smiled, offering your arm to Arthur as he took it and gently steered you to a table. 

The rest of the evening was filled with laughter, as you and Arthur - Penelope and Tacitus - shared increasingly outlandish stories about their backgrounds, peppering each story with the fanciest compliments you could think of. 

“Penelope, I do believe I’ve fallen in love with you. Would you care to join me in my room for a nightcap.”

“Oh Tacitus, that’s very kind o’ you. I could do with a lie-down, all these drinks have made me light-headed”

Giggling, you made your way upstairs arm in arm. As Arthur shut the door to the room you assumed he’d rented for the night, you burst out laughing, you couldn’t help yourself. 

“Arthur, what the hell was that” you managed to get the words out as you wheezed. “That was no job!”

“I just wanted to make you smile darlin’” he said as he lifted your head by the chin so you were looking at him. “I love hearin’ you laugh.” He smiled at you and kissed you softly on the lips.

“Well you did that, for sure. But what’s with the dress and all the compliments?” 

Arthur looked more serious now. “I just wanted to….release you a bit. Help you relax. I know you’ve been stressed, and you’ve been gettin’ down on yourself. But darlin’, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. And I know it might not mean much, and that it’ll take more than that to convince ya, but I’ll keep on sayin’ it as long as you let me. And I’ll always be here darlin’, waitin’ for you, adoring you.”

His words were as gorgeous as his face, and you nearly burst into tears. You threw your arms around his shoulders and kissed him hard. 

“Mr Morgan, I don’t know what I’d do without you, you fantastic man. Now help me get this damn dress off.”

“I’ve been lookin’ forward to this bit” he said as he bit his lip, turning you round to undo the laces on your corset. 

So have I Arthur, so have I. You sighed gently as Arthur carefully worked his way up your back. You had a little way to go, you knew that, but if you grew to love yourself a fraction of the amount Arthur did, you knew you’d be okay.

[sassysweetstories]

Diamond in the Rough // 5

Summary: you’re an androgynous woman who has a rather groggy voice. due to your social anxiety and shy nature, you refuse to not let your beautiful, sexy voice free. that is until you do something that might lead you down a dangerous path.

Ship: Shawn Mendes x Fem!Reader, Harry Styles x Fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, vulgar words, fluff, fighting, smut etc.

Notes: none of these gifs are mine, credit to the owners.

Tagged: @bailey-hoover @kiralivelove @thalia-prior-of-ravenclaw@anamcg317bellasett @queentiffanyyy @archer-whovian-violinist@beingmadinwonderland@princessisabelle19 @violence-and-velvet @lachicadelamanzana

Your P.O.V

I couldn’t believe my eyes. I take the photos, gawking. There is no way someone found me.. I was so safe, so sure that nobody was following me. I look up at Andrew with a broken, ashamed expression. “Andrew- I swear I was being careful-” But before I could finish he broke out into a wide smile. 

“(Y/n), this is good! I wish you could have warned me but we can use this for publicity! This is great to talk about a relationship just when your album is close to number one! It will get so much more cover on your album. You just gotta be seen with him for a few weeks and then we can call it off, pretend your crying or something. I’ve already contacted Harry’s manager and he agreed to this!” 

“Whoa, whoa whoa!” I hold my hands up, trying to process the information whilst distributing the pain I felt in my thighs thanks to the previous night. “Wait- You’re telling me I have to fake a relationship with Harry? Also-” Pointing at Shawn. “Why is he here?”

Shawn takes the reigns, crossing his arms as he eyes my hickies with distaste. “Because I’ve been through it; faking relationships to get promo. It works. People talk and your name has been flowing through the papers, on every website and news article. You’re already top ten on the charts but with a relationship, it’ll get more publicity.” 

It doesn’t seem like I have a choice as I sigh, slipping away from the studio to dial Harry. He answers immediately, speaking in a low, groggy voice that gave me chills the night before. 

      “Good morning, love. And yes, before you ask, my manager just told me about our little snafu. Don’t worry, I’m not mad. Surprised to wake up with a girlfriend, yes.”

I sigh, disappointed and frustrated with myself. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I was so certain I was in the clear.” Harry chuckles and I can almost see his bright smile. 

       “It’s alright, love. Besides, I rather like your company. Not like I have anything to fake. You’re great fun. How ‘bout we grab brunch? Fill our bellies and give the paps what they want?” 

I can help but smile despite the panic I was feeling. “How are you able to make me feel at ease? You surprise me, you know that?” He chuckles and I can’t help but shiver. 

        “Thank you, love. I’ll let my manager know where we’re going. Come dressed as yourself. I’ll pick you up soon, girlfriend.”

I can’t help but laugh before slipping back into the room. Andrew, Shawn, Olive and Derek look at me with curious eyes. “Okay, it’s a go. Harry and I are grabbing brunch so the paps can get some pics, get it circulating.”

Andrew grinned from cheek to cheek, clapping me on the shoulder like a proud father would with their child. I shouldn’t hold onto the sensation that bursts in my heart. However, not really having a good father and getting the love you never had felt right, as dark as that may sound. 

        “Thatta girl. I’ll make some phone calls. Remember you have an interview at one-thirty.” I nod and let him slip past me, clearly occupied with more important things. Olive grabs my arm, smirking. “So, how was it?” I roll my eyes, nudging her arm as we make our way over to the dressing room. Shawn, Derek and Brian who’s joined the group suddenly, walk not too far behind, talking lowly.

 “You’re terrible you know that.” I jokingly scold her before glancing over my shoulder as we slip away from the boys, giggling like school girls. The nostalgia of blushing over boys we never dreamed of getting makes my heart flutter. “So, tell me! Spill the tea!!” Olive grabs my chin, examining the dark purple hickies Harry put all over my body only a few hours ago. 

“OOO! Homeboy’s FEISTY!” I smack her arm, laughing and gawking at her vulgar language. “OLIVE!” She throws her blonde hair back, laughing outright. “Oh, come on!” She sits pretzel style on the couch, propping up her arms to rest on her knees. “Tell me!! How was he?” I can’t help but blush and smile. “He was-” Pausing to bite my lip in hopes to hide a smile at the sinful things we did the night prior. Olive squealed, laughing at my blushing state.  

She helps me find a suitable outfit for the occasion; black and white converse with black jeans, a grey shirt and a blue-jean jacket. Olive slips a purse onto my arm that’s casual and light to hold. My hands find the fold of the purse, fiddling the small contraption as nerves bubble up.

Though we were in the most intimate of settings, limbs tangled together in a messy, lustful embrace. There is something about speaking with someone you don’t know, especially a person you find attractive, downright terrifying. It’s funny to think that sitting for brunch would be more anxiety producing and intimate than having sex with them. 

But just as he pulls up in his Mustang, all that worry seems to wash away. I can’t never get over his gorgeous smile and chocolate brown eyes. He looks so casual in a white shirt, blue jeans, a dark jacket and a hat. The Rolex on his wrist shines in the sunlight. It’s strange to see someone with poise and wealth be so close to you. 

“Morning, love! I’m looking for an androgynous dream. You wouldn’t happen to know where she is, would you?” He smiles up at me and I almost swoon. Instead, I shake my head and slip into the car. The conversation flows nicely and before we know it, the paps are outside the coffee shop taking photos of us. Most likely with the help of both our managers. “Don’t focus on them. They’ll get their winning shot. I wanna know who (Y/n) is. Not Diamond, you.” Without trying, Harry is phenomenal at being a boyfriend, fake or not. We cuddle in the warmth of one another, giggling at the overly-dramatic tweets. 

The next few days fly by. My schedule consists of the same events everyday; breakfast, gym, shower, interview, lunch with Harry, interview, recording, interview, writing, interview, dinner, performing, sleep. The cycle continues day in and day out. I notice the more I see of Harry, the less I see of Shawn and I’m not entirely sure how to feel about that. When he sat in the studio, I thought he was like a cold sore you couldn’t get rid of. But with him gone, the studio felt empty. Some of his points made sense, not that I’d ever tell him that. 

He was touring again, or at least that’s what I’ve seen. Faking a relationship with Camilla Cabello for their new song, Señorita. However if I had to say so myself, they were not the best at faking a relationship. Funny to think Shawn was the one giving me pointers. Harry and I had, however, the world fooled. Of course there were the fair few of doubters who were hushed almost immediately with overwhelming support for us. But I don’t really care when I’m doing the one thing I love most. 

The VMAs come sooner than expected and I have to attend the venue alone, unaccompanied by my ‘boyfriend’. He was filming across the country for his new music video and another movie he was staring in. He believes wholeheartedly that I would be fine, that I would rock the event and the performance but without him, it here feels wrong and uncomfortable. I shouldn’t be getting attach, this relationship being fake and all, but I can’t help myself from getting excited at the sudden romantic validation. 

https://pin.it/bo6ihwhsesy7gp

Olive helps me get fitted into a gorgeous gown, so beautiful I feel it should belong to another. But when I see it on myself, I immediately push the thought away. The dark blue and charcoal colors compliment the sparkles that shimmer all throughout the dress. No matter where I am, in the light or the dark, I look powerful, like a walking galaxy. I demand power, attention and respect. 

Without realizing it, my posture straightens; sharp like a dagger. My hair stylist and makeup artist, Delilah, beams up at me like a proud grandmother. I’m sure she is. Overjoyed at her artistry. And she should be. She made me look poise, beautiful, sharp and strong, all at once. Quickly I pull her into a tight hug and for a second I’m afraid to let go. But when I do, a small bouquet of flowers from across the room catches my eye. I thought the scent belonged to Delilah but it seems I was mistaken. 

Blood red roses, so fresh their smell seems to force its way into my nose. I’m gonna have to give Harry a lecture about spoiling me. I laugh to myself until I see the small note attached to the green leaf. See you on the carpet. Don’t doubt yourself. You’re better than you think. Go blow them away. Shawn. I ignore the flutter inside my chest that starts to flourish, pushing away the sensation before taking route to the car. He cusses me out and then showers me with my favorite flowers? The longer I am near him, the less sense I make of him. 

Andrew smiles up at me, taking my cheek with his palm and I completely ignore my previous internal quarrel. “I’m so proud of you, (Y/n).” The statement is short but holds so much meaning. I look for a lie but I find none. Stop doubting that there are good people out there. A voice seems to scold me. Instead, I take his hand in mine and smile. We worked so hard to get here. I worked so hard to get here. Suddenly the car pulls to a stop and we’re at the venue. “You’ve got this.” 

Andrew mutters, warmly before slipping from the opposite side of the car. I wait for my cue, breathing slowly. In through the nose, out through the mouth. The flashes are bright but none of that matters when I hear a steady chant, as loud and booming as thunder across a dark sky. It demands to be heard. 

“DIA-MOND! DIA-MOND! DIA-MOND! DIA-MOND! DIA-MOND!” 

They scream over and over again, almost howl at the sight of me. Stand like you’re the queen that you are. Delilah once said to me when I first started trying on dresses. I understand the atmosphere shift now, the need and pull others have towards me. Most stare in awe, gaping or intrigued while some drift closer, hoping to catch my attention for a photo in hopes to gas up their own platform, no matter how big or small. 

The walk of the carpet goes by smoothly until I see out of my peripheral, a pair of unmistakable honey brown eyes and a smile that could make any girl swoon. I don’t want to look at him. Not when I know my heart is fragile but I’m not strong enough. The roses confuse me to no end and this is just the start of it. His smile pulls me and I know there is no going back. 

Shawn’s warm brown eyes are already fixed on me. No matter how hard I try, I can’t find the strength to look away. His gaze is different than before as we both size the other up. But when he starts to walk towards me, I want nothing more in this world than to bolt in the opposite direction, run far from this place, from him. I can’t seem to pull my eyes away as he examines me up and down. He’s so close I can smell the cologne he chose for the event. 

“Hi..” Voice as soft as silk and warm as the honey he had in his eyes. I couldn’t help but smile softly as he took my hands. “Hi..” He shifts from side to side and I expect a snarky response but this Shawn that I’m seeing might be the one Andrew first met, that the public knows. “I see you don’t have a date by your side. Would you like to accompany me on the carpet?” 

I hesitate, looking for the cruelty in his eyes I’ve seen many times before. Slipping my hand through his arm, he pulls me close to his chest and the cameras snap with a frenzy I hadn’t noticed before. Maybe Andrew spoke to him, gave him some sort of idea to stand with me to catch more fire on both our albums. But then I thought crosses my mind. Where is Camilla? She doesn’t stand at his side but Harry is also not at my own. I suppose there is a good reason for her as much as for my dateless situation. 

“Camilla and I aren’t together. The facade is over with if that’s what you’re wondering.” He pulls me in closer and I force myself to hide the confusion. How did he know what I was thinking? Was I that obvious? Maybe he’s playing off me? Going after me now that he’s “single” for more circulation? God none of this shit makes sense. When we reach the end of the red carpet, Andrew meets with us, beaming with pride. “You guys looked great out there! Now, Diamond let’s get you ready for the performance.” 

“Good luck.” A small voice from behind me says, softly. I don’t suspect it to belong to Shawn but it does. His honey eyes pull me back and once more I’m entranced in an enchantment I do not understand. Things move slowly as we’re both pulled from the other, separating the palpable connection that throws me into a mental frenzy. How could I possibly possess feelings for him? After he’s been so confusing? Kind and cruel? The questions are thrown from one side of my brain to the next, exploding like bombs that result in a unnecessary headache. 

Without even realizing it, Delilah and the team escort me to my changing room. The announcer’s voice booms over the speakers, echoing all throughout the large auditorium. A gender neutral outfit that has everything I could have ever wanted and, with Delilah’s handy-work, pitch black eye shadow and a touch of silver in the corner to give the dark but temping effect. When I glance in the mirror, I feel the power behind the makeup. I look like a blade, carved and unbroken. It is a sensation I hold dear to my heart. 

              “And before we announce the winners, a performance by the fastest growing sensation. An artist with a dark past that’s turned her world into a whole new light. The androgynous dream; DIAMOND!” The crowd roars to life as I climb up the stairs, not a single ounce of worry holding me back from what I have worked so hard for. 

I sing with my whole heart, voice cracking at the hardest lyrics I’m forced to to project onto the crowd. Some even sing along or hum softly. The energy moves and flows like a current I can’t explain. It’s so strong and overwhelming, my whole body shakes with an adrenaline unlike anything I’ve ever experienced prior. Before I know it, the whole thing is over but I hold onto this memory close to my heart. The crowd, flooded with hundreds of people I’ve looked up to and adored, cheer for me. Shyly I tip my head, ready to walk off the stage but the crowd didn’t seem to be ready for me to leave as they continued to clap. 

I close my eyes and the whole world goes quiet. The sound of their cheers and claps seem to drift out and fade. This was the moment I had been waiting for my entire life. When I open my eyes again, the light shines directly in my eyes and I turn to show the rest of the band before I step back, breathing heavily. The world around me returns to its original temp. Olive and Derek hug me the minute I get behind the curtain and out of prying eyes. Andrew follows shortly after, beaming with pride again. The rest of the night flies by faster than I want it to. 

              “Hey (Y/n)!” Olive calls for me as we pack up from the show. “Shawn, his and our crew are getting together for congratulatory drinks at the studio! I’ll see you there!” 

I laugh as she practically gallops away, her Rapunzel like hair flopping in the wind. 

Once I shut the gate, it takes me all of ten minutes to arrive to the studio. But instead of immediately entering, I stop to admire the stars that twinkle and flicker above me. My cheeks feel wet the longer I look at the bright moon that compliments our galaxy. Tears trickle down my face. Whether they’re happy or sad, I appreciate the sentiment and the intimate moment. Then suddenly a dark, cold voice growls down at me from behind. 

“Better hold onto the stars cause that’s the last thing you’re gonna see, you disgusting rodent.” 

Five large men emerged from the dark shadows and my heart drops at the recognition of the middle man. 

“D-Dad?” 

Then, everything went dark. 

(I hope you guys liked it. PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF HADES WOULD YOU PLEASE COMMENT) 

[suzysbookshelf-blog]

Book Reviews, The Devil's Angels MC Books 1& 2 by Lola Wright

Lola Wrights Devils Angels MC. This is an MC story with a heart. Come meet the crazy pets and even crazier club members of the Devil’s Angels MC.

I came across these books quite by accident, but what a good way to find them I say, After reading 450 + books last year, I had been in a major book funk, couldn't find anything to click my interest at all, I didn't blog or anything just aimlessly wandered around Amazon, Goodreads and book clubs on Facebook trying to find something to engage me. Then I came across The Devils Angels MC, and my book funk was over. They literally blew the cobwebs away and picked me up from a major depression at the time. So for that reason alone both books get a 5 ***** Rating , Are they the greatest books ever written no, is the grammar correct no, What they are is FANTASTIC. They made me smile, laugh out loud till I had tears and have read each book now so many times I have lost count. Role on book 3 which is coming soon .

Ava: Left to die as an infant, Ava Beaumont has not had an easy life. Being raised by the system has taught her to be independent, hardworking and cautious. When Ava becomes a victim she uses her inner strength to put it behind her and move forward. Now she lives a good life with the family she has created through adopting pets that were also throwaways, including a smart mouthed parrot and a skateboarding pig. When Ava meets Gunner she realizes what her life is lacking but does she have the courage to trust a big, rough biker enough to let him into her safe little life? Gunner: Being the President of the Devil’s Angels MC was not something Gunner asked to become but through the loss of his dad the job was thrust upon him. While he loves his club and club brothers wholeheartedly, Gunner wants his club to move in a better direction. And when Gunner spots bakery owner Ava, he realizes that’s not the only change he wants to make in his life.  

THE DEVILS ANGELS MC, Every single member is a character, that brings an incredible richness to the story, we have the usual bad guys and some major stories going on, but what this writer has done she’s taken the MC world and spun it on it's head, with the inclusion of 4 PETS, yes Pets, we have a Native American Dog, A Mother F***ing Skateboarding Pig, A huge Cat and Mac The wise cracking Macaw, The story lines are tough in some cases, with Sex Trafficking corrupt Senators, but what we get is an incredible story that hits you with the bad stuff then wraps you up in a cuddle, 

Book 2 The Devil's Angels MC: Book 2 - Axel

Axel: My life is perfect. I’m the Vice President of my club, The Devil’s Angels MC, and we’ve moved the club in the right direction. I manage the club’s gym, own my own home and have women around that are always up for a night of fun. I have my club brothers, the world’s best dad and a new sister. Family is everything in my world and I have a great one. What more could a guy want or need? That question is answered when a tiny, little woman slams her way into my life. I never saw her coming, but I’m not letting go

Axel is hands down the funniest vainest biker I have ever read, but I will forgive him anything, I like that someone has written a humorous side to an MC world, it is not always about, blood guts and glory or how many club sluts ( a term I despise even if true ) they can bed, sometimes writing them as believable people is good too, all though I don't want them to be soft either. Bailey gets caught up in something she had no idea was going on and literally crashes into Axel's world, this book is funny and one scene in particular will have you howling it does cover human trafficking in a small way, not in a grotesque way, that might change as we progress into the series though.  I thought the 1st book was fantastic. I'm really looking forward to the next one as well, which I think is Pooh's story, I had been hoping it was going to be Chubs, but will wait for when she is ready. My advice go get these books. Lola Wright is a new author and you can tell, she needs to proof read a bit more The  first book had me laughing so hard that my family thought I was nuts. Luckly for me  Axel's book was already out, got it immediately. Lola didn't fail. yes its sickly instant love or sort off, but I don't care. Gunner and Axel are true biker bachelors who doesn't want an ol' lady,  Gunner struggled with that more than Axel, as in other women who didn't know boundaries, were Axel was the ultimate bachelor and in his own words, his balls did not belong in a purse. Ava and Bailey are strong women who don't do casual relationships. Ava's upbringing is tragic and very painful, Baileys well she was the adult and lets leave it at that, you need to read the books, In both books sparks fly. Their stories has the right amount of angst, humor, sexy scenes,. If you are looking for a great read look no further  

[storiesofwildfire]

So, for those of you who have been around for a long time, you might remember that my backstory for Loki ( which is mostly based on Norse mythology and my own personal headcanons ) used to include Sigyn being Loki’s wife and how Loki lost her and their unborn children relatively shortly after marrying her.

I covered this topic for a few reasons, one being that Sigyn is a significant part of Loki’s life in the mythology and I didn’t want to gloss over her, another being that for a long time when I first started roleplaying Loki, I had a lot of Sigyn blogs follow me and try to back me into a corner when it came to shipping. I had a lot of people treat it as “well, the ship is canon, so you have to ship with me” and for a long time, I wasn’t really sure how to say no to those people.

In the last few months, I decided to remove Sigyn from Loki’s backstory. Well, for the most part. I removed her being married to Loki and I removed them trying to have children together. I also removed the part about her death as the reason they ultimately ended up no longer together. 

I have spoken a few times since then about my particular and personal hangups with Sigyn and Loki’s relationship, but I’ve never really elaborated too much on why I made these changes in the first place.

My current biography describes a brief meeting with Sigyn that ultimately doesn’t turn into anything and was more or less instigated by Odin rather than Loki’s actual interest in Sigyn. I did this for a couple of reasons. One, to actually acknowledge that Sigyn does exist and not completely write her off. Two, to pay tribute to mythology’s canon that when Sigyn and Loki first met, Sigyn actually did not like Loki. Sigyn didn’t like Loki until Loki pretended to be someone else, so their relationship, at least in my opinion, is not exactly built on the foundation of trust, love, and common interest. 

Now, before I go super deep into this, I do want to state that I am perfectly well aware that there are many different interpretations of the mythology. While I do not believe one is more “correct” than the others, I do try to stay as close to the original myths as I believe I can when deciding which interpretations to go with ( more or less, I just try to stay away from the myth retellings that were clearly heavily influenced at a later date and time by Christianity ). If you decide to go with interpretations that are different from my own, that’s perfectly fine and I respect that! Just please respect that these are my views and choices in turn.

Now... To speak bluntly, I really don’t like the idea of Loki and Sigyn. In the mythology, Sigyn isn’t really elaborated on all that much. Her entire purpose resides heavily on being Loki’s wife and being part of Loki’s life and I’m not exactly interested in a being that exists for the sake of another being. I believe there is a lot of room to work with when it comes to Sigyn, honestly, and there are so many cool ways to flesh her out that I would be interested in, but because of my own personal experiences, it’s hard for me to get behind this ship.

People either highly romanticize Sigyn and Loki’s relationship as being #relationshipgoals or they use Sigyn as a way to demonize Loki by making them an abusive partner/cheater. I don’t personally think there’s a ground for either of those arguments without putting a lot of work and plotting into the relationship itself.

In the mythology canon that I chose to adhere to, Sigyn didn’t like Loki when they first met. She didn’t like Loki until Loki pretended to be another person. Loki’s interest in Sigyn was not because they wanted her, it was because of Odin. More of an arranged marriage sort of deal than because either party was genuinely interested. Mythology canon also can’t seem to agree on if Loki and Sigyn had one child or two, as their children are sometimes interchanged as the same person, sometimes insinuated to be twins, and sometimes Vali is actually described as being Loki’s child with an unknown woman. I have even seen some debate on if Loki’s child(ren) with Sigyn is even actually Loki’s, or if they only claimed such to keep up the appearance of a decent marriage. From what I’ve read and studied, I see no real basis for the idea that they are wholeheartedly and undoubtedly in love and I see their relationship more like one of convenience, appearances, and duty more than anything else.

It also kind of roots back to another way Odin kept control over Loki ( you know, after forcing Loki to become his blood brother... )

Ultimately, I changed my backstory because I wrote Loki meeting Sigyn, falling in love with her in a particularly difficult time in their lives, and choosing to be with her willingly, but the truth of the matter is, I think I was far too out of left field with how I portrayed them to be any sort of myth compliant. 

So I decided to keep their meeting, the fact that Sigyn did not really like Loki upon meeting, and the reason behind them meeting in the first place was Odin’s influence, in hopes of binding Loki to someone in a forced marriage would keep Loki under control. As Odin worked Loki’s entire life to keep Loki on a short leash and under his thumb, this made perfectly logical sense to me in mythology and in Marvel.

I did not want to emphasize how important Loki’s relationship with Sigyn is because, honestly, in my opinion, it’s not overly important. It’s more of a multifaceted tool than a genuine relationship. 

Please don’t get me wrong, I do think there are a lot of ways to make Sigyn an interesting character. I also think there are a lot of ways to make Sigyn genuinely appealing to Loki. The problem with their portrayal in the myths is that they don’t really expand on Sigyn much outside of Loki. For Loki to hold any sort of interest in her, she’d need to be strong, independent, and have a life outside of them and their relationship. I also don’t want to pretend like they got together because they fell in love when that simply? Isn’t really the case, at least not in the interpretations I follow. 

So, because I don’t really ship Sigyn and Loki and because I wasn’t interpreting their marriage correctly, I decided to take Loki’s history with her out and pay a bit of tribute to them meeting and not really liking one another without forcing them into a marriage. By Asgardian norms, Loki’s still rather young, and even if Odin tried to force them into an arranged marriage, the likelihood of that sticking just? Isn’t super high given everything else that’s going on in Loki’s life. 

I felt like that left some room open to discuss plotting with Sigyn rpers in the future without automatically adhering to the two most popular tropes I see in the fandom which are “Loki and Sigyn are such a perfect couple who are so madly in love” and “Loki is an abusive partner to Sigyn and she’s too good for him.” Neither of which I think are actually close to canon.

I’m definitely willing to plot with Sigyn rpers and even children of Sigyn, but I am not willing to automatically say that Sigyn and Loki are married and have children together. Something like that would take a lot of plotting and ooc communication and build up. I’m not super fond of the ship, but with the right Sigyn, I could see it happening, but only with the proper development.

Anyway, I just wanted to touch on why I decided to change Loki’s backstory from being happily married to and losing Sigyn to hardly even knowing her in a bit more detail. 

At the end of the day, I felt like this decision was more accurate to myth canon and it fit the best into Loki’s life as a mixture of mythology and Marvel.

[dmaedowes]

“be strong, saith my heart; i am a soldier; i have seen worse sights than this.” 

[ ALISHA WAINWRIGHT ] — DORCAS MEADOWES is a HALFBLOOD EIGHTEEN year old CISFEMALE aligned with the ORDER and works as a HIT WITCH. Rumor has it that SHE is DEPENDABLE & COMPASSIONATE, but also tend to be SECRETIVE & RELENTLESS. [ ellie / 20 / gmt / she/her ] 

CHARACTER INSPIRATION: gabby dawson (chicago fire), amelia shepherd (grey’s anatomy), lorelai gilmore (gilmore girls), penelope alvarez (one day at a time), daenerys targaryen (game of thrones), maia roberts (shadowhunters), jennifer ‘jj’ jareau (criminal minds), cristina yang (grey’s anatomy), eleanor bishop (ncis), bill potts (doctor who). AESTHETIC: dead flowers pressed in notebooks, never lighting the candles on your bedside table, keeping old and dusty photographs, red lipstick on your best friends’ cheek, holding hands with your best friends, wearing tight mini skirts no matter the weather, blood staining your skin, being a hopeless romantic, keeping all your scars on show, the quiet stench of desperation. LINKS: stats. pinboard. character tag. TRIGGER WARNINGS: references to fire, death, possible arson, murder

dorcas aristomache meadowes is one of three -- no, scratch that, two -- babies born to kevin and aisha meadowes in the summer of 1960. her father, a muggle, and her mother, a quidditch player for the newly formed all womens’ holyhead harpies -- they would go on to extend their family even more, arms outstretched, and hearts open while their grief never truly subsides.

you see, dorcas and elijah were never meant to be just twins -- they were triplets. but their brother, the weakest, had died at birth. he was never meant to survive. never meant to take little more than a single breath. 

it was a devastating affair that nearly led to the suicide of her mother, a woman who had spent her life flying high above everyone’s heads suddenly brought so suddenly to the ground, by much more than her pregnancy with triplets, which had put her on bedrest for months.

it was a loss many thought they could never recover from, but they did. they adopted zacharias bellweather from holyhead orphanage -- magical, of course, even though kevin meadowes had no clue that the silver lining of holyhead orphanage was that all the kids were magic -- on his third birthday. it had been a long time coming. he’d been given to them as an interim foster family when he was only a few days old. they had three babies. their family, although hodge-podge and not quite like any other, was suddenly complete.

she is a happy child, if a little subdued -- although beloved by her parents, and known as her father’s little princess, her childhood is much spent in quiet adoration of the world around her. of course, this is littered with injuries -- many by her own doing, not many the fault of anyone else, other than that time she was shoved off the tree house in the backgarden and tripped over her feet when she landed (she should’ve stuck it, on elijah’s account).

her father is always there -- the everpresent parental figure, always kind, a little bit foolish but wholeheartedly good. he teaches them all about the muggle world, preaches kindness and acceptance, and sings them to sleep in choppy welsh. their mother, her mother, is never strictly not around -- but she’s busy. she sweeps them up with her love, with her grace, but she is a quidditch player, and they spend many, many days on the pitch with her, just wee children.

strange things were commonplace with the meadowes family, magical occurrences they explain away with magic tricks and silly ploys born from the mind of children. that’s always what it is. nobody ever flew their broom in the backgarden, oh, no, that’d be foolish, no, it was just a silly game, to see how long they could keep themselves upright with the broom tied securely to the washing line.

dorcas perpetuates that idea with as much gusto as she can manage -- even though everybody sees the broom drop when she tumbles off it sideways. she hates that she has to -- their community, one of near entire catholicism, a small hot spot where anglicanism was the norm: they don’t speak of the strangeness of the meadowes family. they only speak of their compassion, their love, for animals, and people, and the rest of their world. 

they turn a blind eye to the owls they see mid-morning, the ones they see swoop down and drop three letters on the doorstep. of course, there’s rapid fire discussion on the part of the local hairdressers, but nobody concerns themselves with the vapid ladies of the local. 

hogwarts is home, carved out of stone. it’s a remarkably new place, full of new experiences, for all three of them. her, slightly more anxious than the other two, elijah, endlessly curious, and zacharias, full of relentless passion. she’s a shoe-in for gryffindor, even if she doesn’t realise it. the stories they’d told her made it seem like she’d be a hufflepuff, but she’s not. her anxiety fades, and she is strong. not resilient, but strong. they are two quite different things. 

she finds, at hogwarts, kindred spirits: her lily, her marlene, her mary. her brothers are sorted into ravenclaw and hufflepuff, and they mean the world to her, but it’s an entirely different world at hogwarts. it’s an entirely different world in gryffindor, an entirely different world when she’s surrounded by her girls, loud and proud and unafraid.

she learns a thing or two from them, she knows. they make her a better person. infinitely. they make their own family -- a little broken, sometimes, rough around the edges, screaming down hallways, running full pelt, being no-good teenagers whenever they get the chance. but they’re good, and strong, and her views are unchanging. 

she believes wholeheartedly in her right to exist. she doesn’t care when they call her mother a blood traitor, even when her blood boils because they address her, they address her friends, they hurt mary, and lily, and that’s something she cannot stand for. that is something she will not stand for. she’s so casual wiping away the words, wiping away the words, the chinks in her armour. 

she loses her mind when she finds out that the teachers can do nothing until something is actually done. words are just words, miss. meadowes, echoes around her mind for years before she decides that just because she is kind, and just because she doesn’t explode at people the way that lily has done, it doesn’t mean she is lesser. it doesn’t mean she is any less of a gryffindor, any less of a power house, a force.

she covers her bruises -- they are only scars, nothing big, nothing warranting much attention. she joins the quidditch team. she’s a keeper, the same as her mother. she makes her proud for five years, even when they say she only got on the team because she threatened to expose them all as blood purists. such a dirty phrase, but one so lacking in any fire. 

she doesn’t know what she wants to do for a career -- she’s the quieter sort of gryffindor, the one that seems entirely unremarkable to the eye, but she takes on so many subjects and keeps her chin up, eyes on the people around her. she sticks up for her younger half-bloods, for the ones that she knows are being targetted, she makes friends with so-called blood traitors -- yes, that includes sirius (boy wonder). 

she eventually decides that being a hit witch is one of her only choices. she doesn’t care much for the ministry, but the hit witch programme is one of the best in the world, and the risks are worth it, for her. 

TW DEATH, TW FIRE: the fire happens in seventh year. it destroys everything. her entire life, all the clothes left at home, all the momentos. gone. it destroys her parents, too, turns them to ash and dust and it burns so hot that it’s impossible and all she has left is her friends. they keep her on the straight and narrow, remind her to keep functioning, as she picks up the pieces of her shattered familial relationships. elijah, dorcas and zacharias are never the same, but they are so much closer.

nobody wants to say anything, but she relies so heavily on marlene, lily and mary that it’s a real surprise she manages to function without them. she graduates with them at her side, with all o’s, and somehow manages to stay alive through the first few months of hit witch training until she’s qualified. 

it’s more intensive than the auror training, but she gets a kick out of the danger (like she knew she would). she joins the order of the phoenix, gets a tiny tattoo of a phoenix wrapped around her ankle that she never references, that she never shows anyone, but it’s there.