#I wanna move so bad but can't
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
LET ME OUT
Looks like someone failed the captcha test to many times!
Anyways I always wanted to doodle this specific pose from Toyless' animation why because I can :]
Extras under the cut :
This was the specific screenshot I based the pose off I love hands grabbing head!!! :
youtube
The original video ^ (I'll be real with yall I was shocked the original song was poppy playtime because my only experience with it was that all my baby cousins loved that franchise. And they would show me vids off it at family gatherings because I was the babysitter. One of em even debated me abt fnaf like chill out bro you weren't even born when it came out!!!!!)
Glitchtrap rambling time woohoo let's go!!!!
-I redrew em again because I think I'm almost 100% happy with its design!!!! Like I don't wanna change their face so much because the way his face is shaped is my fave!!! Like they have the same style of muzzle as sonic characters!!!!!! I just made it rounder cuz its their early days before this au lore
-I just wanna achieve the unnaturalness with their design. Like they don't belong here. They want to get out. LET HIM OUT. type vibe basically like that's why it has like those kind off teeth instead off the rabbit ones. They get those later in the au.
-I fucking love Glitchtrap so much you don't understand they're so peak!!!!!! I jokingly hate him because I despise what it did to Vanny.
-I was a fan since day 1 bro is just so unique like woah a non animatronic for a change?!?!? STRAIGHT UP A FURSUIT!??!?! Color me impressed!!! I love zooming on it its model and seeing everyy little detail!!! Like omg bro is crying and drooling on the suit!!!!! There's also a patch of uneven stitching pattern on the top of their head compared to their mostly symmetrical design!!!
-I was so fixated on em like my level of obsession for him was bad bad!!!! Like yeah it was still there when Vanny came around during the curse of Dreadbear DLC but you don't understand it surpassed all my Foxy art!!! The first fnaf character I fixated on!?!?? Like what and yall can ask my IRLS bro had lots n lots of art!!!!! I have so much trad art of glitchy it's embarassing!!! Atleast I improved tbh!!
-I just really really loved the fan animations were bro got to time travel to the older fnaf animations and fuck em up!!!! Causing them all to glitch out like hello PEAK!?!?!?! No im not biased to rabbit characters with whiskers shhhhh... SHHH...
-Because I know all those animations already and it's like omg omg OMG Glitchtrap kinda expanded my music taste imma be fr... Fnaf autism is so bad I omfg I only listened to fnaf songs and the only time I listened to other franchises songs is because someone animated fnaf over it... like yeah I was an animation meme kid but even then I only remember the lyrics and titles to songs if I saw fnaf on them (cringe!!!!) So yeah thank u Glitchtrap <33333
-I think Malhare is the cooler name but the Glitchtrap name is cool too because when the names end in trap like this it makes me think they're like warrior cats adjacent. So in this one they just fluctuate between either Malhare or Glitchtrap
-Also another reason he's my super fave is because my brain predicted it's gloop form!!!!
-Like no joke literally the same character I dreamt about during the early days before Princess Quest.
-Except mine was a shadow like the shadow animatronics. More wispy than gloopy. I think the reason I dreamt it was because Shadow Toy Chica and fan made shadow animatronics were getting popular!! But legit same character and colors!!!!!!!
-Just a big dark mass with purple eyes surrounding it like literally the same character my brain came up with and I'm just wow <3333 minus the fact my design had really big giant swirly white eyebrows
-However my Shadow Glitchtrap was kinda more wack to say the least. Like heheheh cuz Glitchtraps a fursuit there's no denying that I changed the dream design a bit. In my old Glitchtrap designs they'd have a zipper and so what would happen was they'd unzip and flip their insides into outsides to reveal the Shadow Glitchtrap thing which was hiding inside them.
-Like those plushies that you can unzip to reveal a different plushie design basically!!!!
-TBH I prefer Glooptrap because yeah!!!!! Amalgamation of hate let's go!!!!!! I think with how gloopy he is its just fun to draw I love the fact that the weird Glitchtrap blockers look like that it fits too much with my own preestablished AU lore.
-I feel like Glitchtrap turns into Glooptrap from like the seams of their suit. Like you see that each part the suit got stitched just turn black as black liquid pours out like ohhh that shit haunted!!!! Bursting outta the seams like oh this guy has no one inside they're all just black sludge!!!!
-In this AU specifically (The one with my millions of Vanny designs) is actually a spoof fnaf AU where everyone lives!!! Like I have 3 AUs technically one of them being the fnaf cast in my oc world where they become my ocs basically called Rabbit City. My other one which is my more serious canon adjacent fnaf AU where no silly stuff or shipping happens, and it's just more overall following my own formed understanding of the canonicity and the series of events with me trying to keep the animatronics more game accurate (I dont think ive posted any of that here due to me feeling like my style limits the nit and grit I wanna go with it). And this one I mainly post on here where everything is just silly and bends to my command and everyone lives because I love everyone <333333 Literally playing with my toys type AU where I do what I want which is why a million vanny designs are in this AU specifically. I usually tag it as this 🦭🩷🐇🐰🐇🐰🐇🐰🐯 because the original name of this au is self indulgent and I'm embarrassed but it's too iconic to change it.
-Glitchtrap in this AU is just much more goofy and silly infecting people like a zombie virus and possessing them for his own gain. Weird eldritch horror that came out of a fnaf fangame. Anything goes in this AU so if I wanna make Glitchtrap a mind controlling zombie warlock wizard so be it!!!! Sorry I love zombies soo much you will have to take this trope out of my cold dead hands!!!!! I love rot!!!
-That's why it's wrinkly because they too me are like a rotten banana (Even though his associated smell to me is lemongrass). Imagine squeezing a banana still with it's skin on. That's how I imagine bro turns into glooptrap if they didn't open the zipper in time. Also because I love the design trope of rotting and withering sue me. I love when the flesh sags across the body. Wrinkles are great bro theyre so real!!!!! Also because back then people kept drawing him as skinny as a twig??? Even though they have fat??? So I made them fatter mostly because like I love the gloop part of it hiding inside <3333
-They're more green pink and purple because imma be real my fave color combo ever <33333
-I wanna do an xray piece with them soon to show their insides but I'm still uncertain if I have the art prowess to concoct it exactly like how I envision it yet. Like I need to squash and scretch them more. They need to look more decrepit and horrible!!!!! something like the unknown from dbd!!!!
-They can't actually emote properly stuck in a permanent smile
-Glithctrap and Vanny’s dynamic is like Lord Hater and Commander Peepers in this one. There's more character adjacent to the dynamic between them concocted in my head but I wanna draw a comic abt it :]
-Like yeah one second they're besties and the next they're at each other's throats ready to strangle eachother. Vanny reluctantly trying to help him at first like how she was first called.
-Oh also in this specific AU Glitchtrap isn't connected to William in the slightest more just it's own thing!!!!
-He's like an AI that wants to be human. It believes it is human. They've mimicked people too much that they don't know what they are anymore. Or what it wants anymore. What do they want.
#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#glitchtrap#fnaf glitchtrap#fnaf help wanted#fnaf vr#malhare#fnaf au#fnaf fanart#my art#🦭🩷🐇🐰🐇🐰🐇🐰🐯#ppl who read through my shit I love you but im sorry this one is pretty long#I should draw others sometimes besides vanny#but wahhh I don't wanna#Idk if anyone would be that interested to see my own reimaginings lol#I love doing these collage backgrounds#a treat for me getting to use stickers on picsart after suffering a million crashes#I hate the new ibis update everything lags so bad now I can't even move text without it stopping and freezing#sighs I will get through this omg the vector suck#tw eyestrain
371 notes
·
View notes
Text
the culling
#two-headed lamb that's the title baby#it's how they meet. a two-headed lamb is born amid all the death and plague on the commune so it's taken as a really bad omen#they said hey you gotta kill this lamb you're the butcher here but he didn't wanna so he wandered in the woods for a bit with it#and there ilya is. this is ilya pov the second they see each other. you see a freaky twink with a two-headed lamb. your next move??? 🤨🤨🤨#ilya kills it for him. anyway the lamb rig was being so so nice until i got to the ears </333333 ears are broken i can't put him in game#ts4#ts4 edit#ts4 render#the sims 4#hinnry#two-headed lamb
277 notes
·
View notes
Text
#red vs blue#rvb#locus#felix#sam ortez#isaac gates#felix mcscouty#lolix#mine#*24#art#rvb19 spoilers#just to be safe ig?#i love how even no one in the mercs discord rly knows what the hell was up with the random felix 'cameo' in restoration lol. we're all just#'idk man. maybe it's charon maybe sigma just used him as a base. who knows.'#its kinda hard to even make it into a merc plot point bc the reason WHY he's even there is non-existent. if epsilon didn't namedrop him#i wouldn't even have noticed tbh. like yeah his armor has felix's colors but that also could've just been sigma/omega mix too y'know#ofc tucker's relationship w/ felix can't be discounted reg. meta and epsilon and betrayal of trust etc. idk maybe i'll expand on this later#like maybe felix is in there bc tucker felt very betrayed by epsilon and felix to tucker is the embodiment of betrayal so meta = felix?#BUT i do like ghost felix haunting shit. even if it's not actually him but like a narrative/traumatic thing#he said you'll never get rid of me what i did to you will always linger <3#i do have some thoughts abt... Everything and the concept of haunting. wash's 'ghosts' and the guilt. meta wanting to destroy epsilon/the#past to be free. resentment of the past. nostalgia for it. the guilt of survival. moving on as a complete severing vs carrying it w/ you.#ok i'll stop rambling now lol#this didnt turn out exactly how i envisioned but i dont wanna work on it anymore and its not bad or anything so
87 notes
·
View notes
Text
some men are textbook villains fr
#tw religion?#kinda need to rant.. kinda wanna explain what's going on#some ppl are part of humanity but don't know how to be humane... like the guy i started talking to almost 2 weeks ago#liked him a lot bc he was funny sickeningly sweet mature and understanding.. until he was not#tl dr version is that we somehow drifted to the topic religion and i told him im not too religious and don't believe in superstition much#i was extremely respectful and even when he said that he does believe a lot i was like 'thats cool!! different people believe in different#things!!' and at first it was a normal convo until man went all psycho on me (after one damn week!!!) and started talking about how#id have to be religious in a relationship with him.. my dude i barely know your fav food can we not talk about relationships yet#but he says he doesn't even need a woman who cooks/cleans just someone who believes.. n im like i get it but i can't change myself like that#and then guy moves to marriage and is all 'well my entire family is religious' n my mom and sister (who's 16) would be putting pressure on#you n force you to pray etc.. and I'm like???? who can force anyone to a thing like that are u kidding#things escalate and my absolute STUPID ass tells him about my deepest fkn trauma to explain what made me abandon religion bc#life just never got better and this trauma remained for yrs... and he gets so angry that he says he wants to stop talking to me just to spam#me all day next day.. he'd keep messaging me switching between 'i still want you we shouldn't throw this away i have feelings for you'#AFTER A WEEEEEEKKKK!!! and then goes back to 'i wasted my time with you you were so unnecessary im in a bad mood bc of you'#even said 'you'll never find a guy with a trauma and mindset like this. i will find a religious girl but no one will love you like that'#and the worst thing is that he told his friends and mom about the trauma i had just to spite me.. note that he promised to never tell anyone#(and then still asked for forgiveness and for me to rethink whether we want to end this after telling me 473626x he wanted to end it)#(nothing even ever started you bitchass)#also note that his mom knows my mom n basically most of my relatives.. so i was here trembling for days fearing they'd get to know about it#mom somehow convinced her to not tell anyone bc it's important to me and very very fucking personal..#but he harassed me all day - i wouldn't answer and he'd send 55 messages.. multiple missed calls like dude i got so fkn scared#my heart jumped whenever he texted he was so fkn aggressive and SO MEAN#'you just needed to adjust and we would've been okay' 'tell me are u gonna fkn be religious or not????' 'you ruined everything' kinda mean#i just :') it was the worst time and i don't think i've ever seen someone degrade me so much or make me feel this defective#but.. it's finally over. his mom called my mom and mine was like pls teach him some manners.. n since i couldn't and wouldn't text him back#and literally avoided whatsapp bc of him she ended it all for me and now it's hopefully done forever#anyway i saw jks gcf performance yday n him singing still with you put a genuine smile on my face.. ill stick to THAT boyfriend honestly lol#def gonna delete later#but ty for reading if u did <3
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
EA I'm begging you to stop releasing new Sims DLC and fix your fucking game
#i can't use the normal gameplay way to move my sim out 85% of the time#i can only move her through world edit#which means that if you wanna go to uni and live on campus? well fuck you i guess. your sim now lives in the void#shut down your game and reload an older save#im playing a super sim challenge and ive managed to live on campus for one of the dozen degrees you can take#im nearly done with the uni stuff and i want her to live on campus so bad but the game says fuck you#bc you can only move to campus through the regular gameplay way which is broken as shit#ts4#the sims 4#anne speaks
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I was so concerned with the horrors of making a doctor's appointment and the horrors of finding a job that i completely forgot about the worst horrors of them all. Finding an apartment.
#i just realized that yesterday#after my appointment#and now my rest of my time off is ruined#because i have to find a place to stay and the chances are low that I'll find something okay#the student dorm apartment was the hight of luxury (pretty new. good stove. good bathroom. hot water....)#now I'm most likely going back to broken showers‚ old almost unusable stove‚ hot water every once in a blue moon‚ no room to move#ugly depressing dirty#my dream is unattainable i know#i don't even want more than one room (even though in the long run i would love to have an apartment with a kitchen in a separate room)#but i would love to have an oven#i know it's too much too ask and i should be happy if i have a functional stove#also a bathroom that doesn't look and behave like it's 100 years old and is fully functional would be so nice#and my actual most important concern is having enough space to work out#it doesn't need to be much. i just wanna be able to move freely enough so i don't have to worry about bumping into anything#when doing burpees and whatnot#but I'll take what i can get#if have no choice#i can't commute. the train connections are too bad.#alright#I'll message some people now and get rejection after rejection after rejection 🥲#void screams
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
god. inquisition + trespasser was so good... fuck
#every now and then i'll be like 'ouh im kinda ok with how veilguard turned out i mean it could've been worse or it could've#never happened' but then like. i see the old games and im like waow. how far we've fallen#though i gotta say after veilguard there's some dialogue choices in inquisition that make me wanna punch drywall#solasmancer inky who (having drunk from the well [jesus christ the amount of foreshadowing and buildup that was just abandoned]) tells sola#that she will use the power of the well to move the world forward. even if she messes up she promises to keep trying#because the world only gets better if you accept your part in it#UGHHHHHHHH#AND HE AGREES AND GIVES APPROVAL#T_T#im not even a solasmancer but this character is SO GOOD and his story is SO GOOD#and the conclusion we got was like a shambling stuck-together-with-spit-and-bubblegum version of what could've been#T______T#swagever. at least i got to meet emmrich#I feel about emmrich the same way that romanced solas feels about the inquisitor#this world is doomed and stupid and everyone in it is fake people EXCEPT FOR YOU#and that changes everything and also can't change shit and ig the only thing i can do is keep soldiering on#lucky to have met you even in this fucked up not right bad end ass world#sigh.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's gettin pretty tough to keep squeakin I'll tell you that much
#this mouse has had her depression intensified again#time to read her journal and remember all the good things she cares about#time to work on moving on from the bad#I need to decide how much time being lonely and hurt I'm going to allow myself#compartmentalisation right#I can take all of this and deal with it later when there's more distance from it#I should also write myself a letter#it's always good to write myself a letter#I think I wanna cry in the shower first though#I was told not to bomb a bridge by someone with a lit stick of dynamite in her hand#standing next to an already bombed bridge#I played my part in stuff but not everything's my fault#and I think I'm gonna go cry about how it feels like that's being ignore for the sake of hating me and proving me wrong#then I'll pack all of this into a box and put it on a shelf in my mind and come back to it when somebody is ready to approach it with me#because I can't keep having this cycle alone#I can't keep listening to all the things I've been made to feel#I can't keep having imaginary conversations and wishing for magical fixes and apologies that might not ever come#god what a shit show#it's wild how fast everything can spiral out of control#and how much you can lose when it happens#I'll find another home some day#I have to believe that and keep moving forward#I'll find family that can be more patient with me and more accepting of their own flaws#I'll find a family that won't hurt me when they see me in a bad spot#i have to#please#i have to believe it's possible#and i really really really want to believe that can be my current family after weve had some time#but i feel so so scared that it cant#so lets shower and then box it up and then we can see what happens in a month I guess
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
u gave me hell on earth and said to work with it
so fuck urself and fuck ur feelings
i believe but not in u and me so
fuck urself and fuck ur feelings
i believe but not in u and me so
id unfuck u if i could,
id unlove u like i shouldve
months before i did,
in the months before i split
its turbulent (turbulent)
#really feeling out of it today#woke up and thought oh well erm i dont like how this feels#and thru out the day it's just felt off#i wanna go back so bad#but i can't#it'll hurt more than staying#i've already told myself to move on#i'm trying i swear#it just won't work#i hate my new class#theyre too loud#in the wrong ways#they don't make me feel like my old class did#they don't make me feel like i belong#at the beginning of the year i was like#hell yeah these r my people#and they just aren't! they aren't!#the only people there#that i actually wanna be around#is maybe the one guy who's bi and we get along pretty well#and this gay guy who honestly he ain't too bad#we play dnd together and he's pretty cool#teachers are fine ain't nothin against them#it's the people that are the problem i mean come on you expect me to get along with you when you and i share maybe two of the same interest#and i don't wanna talk to you because you don't even run on the same brainwaves that i do seriously man#i wanna go back to them so bad man#i can't do this anymore
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
How’s life? No pressure question ofc, but if you want to share please feel free to do so with this ask :3
Eh, it doesn't feel all that great right now. I'm tired and hungry a lot, but I just have to get a routine together. My sleep has been wonky, I've been waking up too early, but I feel fine then but it also feels like I can't rest completely- I have dreamless nights mostly. And I also just get annoyed a lot, but it feels better being around people I like.
#my father is upset today too cause I couldn't hang out with him#I talked to a social worker at school a few days ago just for check in and in my opinion I still feel bad even talking to her#it's been a rough week and I'm not sure what to do except deal with it and move on#I like to draw still#I dont want to get tired of it#I mean at least I'm doing productive things like laundry and showering#I'm gonna have spaghetti today that's a good thing#I'll have clean sheets for my bed that's good too#I got presents a day earlier and that's good#I like listing the positives#It kinda gives me ideas for writing#I really wanna eat all these positive things i mean the feeling it gives me in itself#I really love the good things I don't ever want to lose them#I'm actually gonna try to make a doll bunny today#I got dug up old fabrics in my room so I can experiment with something new#I'd list more good things but I'd sound kinda weird doing that in the tags#I should probably journal again but my mind blanks when I try but I'll figure it out#I mean poetry and fanfiction is always an outlet#I gotta practice that more often#There still a ways to go in life so obviously it'll change eventually it always does#And it's only one of many weeks so I can't be too doubtful#It can't always be the worst#Feeling the same feels awful#No matter the emotion it kinda turns numb if you feel it long enough#Days are always changing though since everybody is doing different things everyday all the time#Like most say 'it gets better' eventually#I guess I can wait for a good day#I have no choice sooo I'll let whatever happen#Well technically I can make it happen#I'll feel better when I made myself dinner and cleaned my bed and put away my laundry and put on fuzzy socks and go to sleep
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
fucking hell.
#this is honestly the best kind of problem to have#but i got a job offer at PEARL HARBOR#and i have to give them my decision tomorrow#the question is if i want to uproot my entire life for the second time in six months#and can i AFFORD to#i want to work at pearl harbor so so bad#let me do exhibit design for a park that sees 1.8 MILLION VISITORS A YEAR#who are there for the HISTORY#b u t#i don't wanna move to hawaii LOL#i recoil from the logistics#literally just moved from west virginia to UTAH in september#do i want to move from utah to HAWAII for a four-year position#and sell off everything that can't fit in two suitcases
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
as a huge spyro year of the dragon fan i Hate the reignited trilogy they took all the charm and nostalgia out of it BUT ... spyro's walking/running animation ? they perfected that.
#qktalks#world's most satisfying animation i could watch him hop around like that for hours. he's so ........ noodle-like#but they also took away his slow wing-flap animation from the original#like the one that's used when he's just standing there. he flaps his wings out very slowly in a constant rhythm#they took that away too. garbage game 0/10 /silly#they also made hunter .......so fucking ugly ?? whyd they do that to him . he didn't deserve this#for people unfamiliar with spyro look up spyro 3 original hunter vs reignited hunter you'll wanna vomit#idk i feel like reignited just didn't need to be made ?#a port of the original woulda been fucking BOMB. im of the opinion that old games don't Need to be remade#they just need to be ported/remastered or Whatever. and maybe tinkered with a Little if some aspect of the game was horrid for any reason#but also im of the opinion that u CAN do a good remake. if ur careful.#i don't think spyro needed all those graphic upgrades or that cartoonish realism#yeah the environments r pretty and they did a fine job w that i don't have an issue with the environments i have an issue w the characters#overall i think ?? bianca was done pretty well. she looks similar enough in face-shape to 3's original design#can't rly pinpoint anything in particular that's strange abt her. maybe her eyes? but idk what they coulda done differently#the sorceress is fine ... i kinda wish they made her head a little wider and kept the gradual change in scale color intact but#she's okay too#the fairies look bad<33333#spyro himself .... he looks okay ?#there's something Different about his face shape i kinda wish they'd kept everything a bit .... smaller? idk how to describe it#but it doesn't bother me that much i think they did a good job. lord knows they did better than skylanders .............#i also have an issue with the animations in general#idk how to explain it but the Way the characters move ............. it irks me#it's just so unnatural ? how they move and gesture when they talk? it's not Bad Animation it looks rly good graphically speaking#but idk. this isn't a spyro thing in particular it's just that animation style that i dislike#playing reignited just makes me sad. playing the original comforts me. playing reignited makes me sad that im not playing the original#u can remake an old game made of approximately 18 polygons and make it look good AND make it look like the original#u just have to be careful about the geometry and the level of detail and the eye shapes
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel like something ppl never talk abt when it comes to neurodivergent ppl owning animals is that, yes, they're good for your mental health, but also it can get so fucking overwhelming to have one.
i have no experience with owning a dog, but i can say for certain that owning a cat is so fucking overwhelming. make that 3 and it's hell, esp with my cats.
i can't eat without being constantly surrounded by fucking cats that try to eat my food and get so fucking close to my plate it drives me insane and i have to constantly push them off the table but they just hop back up!!!
and they constantly knock shit over. one of my cats is banned from my bedroom because he won't stop climbing and knocking over everything in my room and i don't even have that much shit to knock over because of him! and i can't display any of my things because of my fucking cats. i have a lego set built but i have to have it on one of my shelves, pushed pretty far back, and i have another one i want to build but i cant because i can't display it anywhere!
"put them in another room." I CANT. i cannot do that, esp right now because my bathroom is being renovated and there's no fucking door, and there's lino to go down on the floor in the toilet (toilet is separate from shower and sink) so i can't put them there because the fucking twats will scratch it! and i can't put them in mine or my parents' or my brother's bedroom because they will pull the fucking carpet up to try and get out and i'll be unable to get into any room. and i can't even put them in the kitchen because there's a catflap for the outside cat we have who we can't transition into being an inside cat because one of the 3 inside cats hates her (so technically we have 4 cats) and although the catflap is microchipped fucking outside cat's nemesis SOMEHOW gets out anyway!
and don't get me started on them keeping me up at night. they NEVER. FUCKING. SLEEP! if i close the door 2/3 will start crying and scratching at the door, and then when i let them in they want out so i try to keep the door open but the cat i don't want in my room is then able to come in and he climbs my curtains and my hoodies on the back of my door and he tries to get under the covers to snuggle but his snuggling consists of digging his claws into my skin and it's very painful. and then, one of the other cats ends up fighting this cat because he's a cunt. and they're just always fighting. it sounds like they all hate each other but they don't it's just i have two boy cats that although are neutered are still A-Class assholes that won't shut the fuck up!
i'm so overstimulated and i don't know what to do. since i've been alive i've never had cats send me up the fucking wall as much as these ones and there has never been a point in my life (19 years) where we haven't had a cat. and these ones are the worst. or maybe i'm just on the verge of a mental break and it's a combination of work, my disability, and work making my disability worse = depression and constantly tired because i'm just so fucking done.
#rant#tw caps#at the end it sounds like this should be reddit post#i dont care#i'm just so so tired#and it's probably my period coming in a few days#but this is every month#i literally have a depressive episode every month#and it feels like every month it gets worse#i'm going insane#i want to move out but i fucking can't#and even if i did i'd be bringing my cats with me because although they overwhelm me i love them to pieces#i just wanna cry so bad man but even that feels too exhausting to do
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
GRRRRR I HATE IT HERE I HATE LIVING WITH MY DAD AND STEPMOM IT'S THE WORST!!!!! I AM FUCKING MISERABLE.
#weed screams#i just wanna snap and yell at them for traumatizing me. I'm so angry. I'm so pissed that I've had to deal with so much bullshit here#I've only been here a week after moving out of the apartment i shared with my brother and I'm already going insane again#i have to buy my own food despite there being plenty in the house. I'm not allowed to bring dishes to my room even for just a few minutes.#there's two large excitable not well trained dogs that bite and scratch me#the cats in the house have to hide in the basement all day (to avoid the dogs) and i feel so bad for them#i feel like im the only one who actually tries to relate to my stepsister. i feel bad knowing she has to stay here too.#my stepmom makes rules without TELLING ME. and then gets all bothered when i don't automatically pick up on em#and the wifi sucks shit so i can't play splatoon#i can't wait to move to New York i just have to wait a little bit longer#enduring the horrors once more till i can escape to the big city#this living situation is both infuriating and saddening. there is NO REASON to justify how stressful it is to be here.#like. when i moved out of this place the first time my mental health improved so suddenly my therapist said i didn't need to see him anymore#that's not a fucking coincidence. my stress and anxiety has a root source and it's this hellhole of a house.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#Nothing to see here folks!#Just an old bitch whining and being annoying about stuff - move along! Pay no attention to the hater behind the curtain!#Wrestling is Bad Actually#*Heavy sigh*#I miss wrestling#I really do#I miss watching it and enjoying it and getting excited about it and writing fic about it#But I just can't do any of that anymore. Tony Khan ain't letting me LOL#And I have boring real life adult problems and wrestling used to be my escape from all that but NOT ANYMORE!#It's just really hitting me today how much I'm in Fandom Limbo#I stopped watching AEW months ago because - to put it as diplomatically as possible - it is very much Not For Me anymore#And everything I've seen and heard since then has only confirmed I made the right decision there#But I don't currently have another hyper-fixation to fill the void#So I'm just stuck here desperately waiting for something else to come and save me from this nightmare#And I don't want to be a hater! I used to fucking LOVE AEW and I take no joy in how much I think it sucks nowadays#And I don't wanna be a party pooper either - I see everyone else squeeing about the Bucks or Junglecorpse or MJF and Ospreay or Bryan#And it's just like...I'm glad y'all are having fun - really! But GOOD LORD does none of that appeal to me in the slightest#Most of my faves aren't getting booked - let alone pushed!#And the few that are are even worse off because Tony's booking is SO BAD it makes me unable to give a shit about wrestlers I used to love#I feel like Lieutenant Dan on New Years - everyone else is having a grand ol' time while I'm just sat here like 🙁#I feel like I'm going through the fives stages of grief in regards to fandom at the moment and it is not a good time let me tell ya#So yeah - don't be surprised if I stop being a wrestling blog the second the new Dragon Age game comes out#Save me Bioware! You're my only hope!
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
why the fuck do i miss pigeons
#don't ask me i am going thru it today#ebhehbbehbhebhabh#i miss pigeons dude#oooh the poor little domesticed cuties#kate rambles from here#this is a small detail of the feeling i am feeling#like post leaving nyc is wrecking havoc on my psyche#i don't want to be in the fucking great plains#a few irls don't understand my want for city life- and i didn't know it was this bad until staying there for 4 days-#but my mom's whole family is from the city- i just feel so at home there- and everything i've inherited that way is in my blood#and i just wanna bawl my eyes out#i have been quite a bit but like ik i have a goal now- to move into the city- i've always had that goal to at least move to the city near m#but like nyc was like being somewhere i felt i wanted- it's not that i'm looking to make it big- i miss the noise the water and pigeons#around here you'll hear the occasional car go by- and crickets- i miss the city lights- i keep crying about it for so many reasons but#i just don't know how to actually express it?#because it's such an odd feeling for me to feel? because if yknow me well- i love being at home- i hate sleeping somewhere else-#taking a trip down south this last christmas- i couldn't stand the quiet- it's quieter the more south you go and i can't do this#i've always wanted to leave my small town but ?? like actually being somewhere that has felt home has been unattainable bc every#where in oh hasn't been home... and for once i felt like i could do this- and having to return here- just made me break down and cry#maybe it's the person i live with- that makes me wish to leave- but that's not the full truth- idk maybe a good nap will help#kate rambles#i have a life goal now but i wish i could do it now- i hope sooner rather than later i'll at least live in the city#i've been happily living but now i have a direction i wish to run towards- and i'm gonna chase after it#sure i miss seeing tbz i loved seeing them- but it's not even post concert depression- if that makes sense?#which it doesn't make sense- because for mx it was only pcd- but for nyc it's missing the city... and it feels awful#pls ignore this i just needed to be frustrated somewhere#ig knowing what i'm missing- i can finally work on filling that spot huh? i guess that's what i'll be doing#(also vv small point but the fact that one of the people i live with- refuses to ever visit nyc again- is so comforting to me)#pls don't send me an ask about this i just needed to ramble and i haven't caught up on my daily journal yet to do so- so this is here
2 notes
·
View notes