#I wanna move so bad but can't
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#red vs blue#rvb#locus#felix#sam ortez#isaac gates#felix mcscouty#lolix#mine#*24#art#rvb19 spoilers#just to be safe ig?#i love how even no one in the mercs discord rly knows what the hell was up with the random felix 'cameo' in restoration lol. we're all just#'idk man. maybe it's charon maybe sigma just used him as a base. who knows.'#its kinda hard to even make it into a merc plot point bc the reason WHY he's even there is non-existent. if epsilon didn't namedrop him#i wouldn't even have noticed tbh. like yeah his armor has felix's colors but that also could've just been sigma/omega mix too y'know#ofc tucker's relationship w/ felix can't be discounted reg. meta and epsilon and betrayal of trust etc. idk maybe i'll expand on this later#like maybe felix is in there bc tucker felt very betrayed by epsilon and felix to tucker is the embodiment of betrayal so meta = felix?#BUT i do like ghost felix haunting shit. even if it's not actually him but like a narrative/traumatic thing#he said you'll never get rid of me what i did to you will always linger <3#i do have some thoughts abt... Everything and the concept of haunting. wash's 'ghosts' and the guilt. meta wanting to destroy epsilon/the#past to be free. resentment of the past. nostalgia for it. the guilt of survival. moving on as a complete severing vs carrying it w/ you.#ok i'll stop rambling now lol#this didnt turn out exactly how i envisioned but i dont wanna work on it anymore and its not bad or anything so
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some men are textbook villains fr
#tw religion?#kinda need to rant.. kinda wanna explain what's going on#some ppl are part of humanity but don't know how to be humane... like the guy i started talking to almost 2 weeks ago#liked him a lot bc he was funny sickeningly sweet mature and understanding.. until he was not#tl dr version is that we somehow drifted to the topic religion and i told him im not too religious and don't believe in superstition much#i was extremely respectful and even when he said that he does believe a lot i was like 'thats cool!! different people believe in different#things!!' and at first it was a normal convo until man went all psycho on me (after one damn week!!!) and started talking about how#id have to be religious in a relationship with him.. my dude i barely know your fav food can we not talk about relationships yet#but he says he doesn't even need a woman who cooks/cleans just someone who believes.. n im like i get it but i can't change myself like that#and then guy moves to marriage and is all 'well my entire family is religious' n my mom and sister (who's 16) would be putting pressure on#you n force you to pray etc.. and I'm like???? who can force anyone to a thing like that are u kidding#things escalate and my absolute STUPID ass tells him about my deepest fkn trauma to explain what made me abandon religion bc#life just never got better and this trauma remained for yrs... and he gets so angry that he says he wants to stop talking to me just to spam#me all day next day.. he'd keep messaging me switching between 'i still want you we shouldn't throw this away i have feelings for you'#AFTER A WEEEEEEKKKK!!! and then goes back to 'i wasted my time with you you were so unnecessary im in a bad mood bc of you'#even said 'you'll never find a guy with a trauma and mindset like this. i will find a religious girl but no one will love you like that'#and the worst thing is that he told his friends and mom about the trauma i had just to spite me.. note that he promised to never tell anyone#(and then still asked for forgiveness and for me to rethink whether we want to end this after telling me 473626x he wanted to end it)#(nothing even ever started you bitchass)#also note that his mom knows my mom n basically most of my relatives.. so i was here trembling for days fearing they'd get to know about it#mom somehow convinced her to not tell anyone bc it's important to me and very very fucking personal..#but he harassed me all day - i wouldn't answer and he'd send 55 messages.. multiple missed calls like dude i got so fkn scared#my heart jumped whenever he texted he was so fkn aggressive and SO MEAN#'you just needed to adjust and we would've been okay' 'tell me are u gonna fkn be religious or not????' 'you ruined everything' kinda mean#i just :') it was the worst time and i don't think i've ever seen someone degrade me so much or make me feel this defective#but.. it's finally over. his mom called my mom and mine was like pls teach him some manners.. n since i couldn't and wouldn't text him back#and literally avoided whatsapp bc of him she ended it all for me and now it's hopefully done forever#anyway i saw jks gcf performance yday n him singing still with you put a genuine smile on my face.. ill stick to THAT boyfriend honestly lol#def gonna delete later#but ty for reading if u did <3
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HEY
look at my creature :D
#just me hi#my creature#look at it#it's a kalanchoe but i'm not 100% what kind bc i'm p sure they mislabeled it at the lowe's + it's a bit too busted to figure from pics lol#i love it thoughhhhh look at my little guy !!! :D#saw it while looking at the succulents and it's little animal-like form captivated me jfvshfk#i was carrying it with me the whole time and almost took it with me into another store LMAO#also there was this kid at the checkout who walked up to me + pointed at my creature and said 'i like your plant :)' like hell yea dude thi#thing does slap !!!#/i'm gonna try to be real careful abt the watering cuz i don't wanna kill it by accident....#i shoulda gotten a new pot while i was there but i was so enamored with the idea of my creature that for a moment i lived in a world where#pots didn't exist HJFVS#/it’s got this leaf on the bottom - you can see it in the upper center of the plant - that looks like it's gone bad to some degree and i'm#thinking i might remove it#it's just that this Does feel like an animal to me so i feel bad being rough with it Jfvdhdjfjjs :')#/lots of things to do and think abt - i have to get the right soil and the right pot and the right amount of sunlight for it and i'm a bit#worried abt sunlight too bc what if it gets blasted by the insane morning sun?? or doesn't get enough and just dies from lack of blastage#i can't ask my siblings to move it while i'm gone they'll forget ;w; jfbdjfk#/for NOW though i gotta worry abt watering + pot + well-draining soil so#i've got three guys in there and they were insanely dry but that mighta been healthy for them so i'm not toooo worried abt that :)#i don't wanna swing in the opposite direction drown them though Lmao-#/anyway YEAH. my CREATURE 🎉💥💥‼️#//edit: also edited photo cuz the bg is messy n there's no sunlight now for another photo jfhdbfj 👍
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I think really the take of that Vegbul is bad because ...they...have a good relationship vs other couples is the weirdest complaint I have ever see ?
Trust me there is alot to point out in DBS
Like Vegeta can't have a power up more than 5 seconds, can't ever get a win like ever , has been written to always seen to get somthing but never a good pay off
But the decent relationship that he has with his wife, Bulma...is the problem ?
I see we have our priorities in check. /s
#vegbul#“Bulma has just become vegetas wife”#ARE WE WATCHING OR READING THE SAME THING??#This woman pops in and makes stuff 24/7 so the show can move forward#Without Bulma we wouldn't have db#If anything vegeta is just Bulma's husband xD#“Toriyama said he was bad at writing romance how come vegbul is fine!”#God forbid he give vegeta#A character that has been written to never ever get a win as of lately#Has a decent relationship#And seems to be the one of many couples#That is ok#Idk man I'm taking that as a win for Vegeta#“They make them seem to be perfect”#They still argue#They still get upset at one another#But I think its character growth that veegta learning#I have a family now#I can't be selfish and think if purely me#He still does form time to time#I think we need to stop focusing on vegeta growth#And focus on why tf goku has regressed#Vegeta would rather stay behind and let the universe disappear than leave his wife#Goku#Was all to exicted to go fight ppl and didn't understand why veegta didn't wanna leave#Fix your mc#Not the dude who's been getying sloppy seconds for almost 30 years xD
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we're all wasting our time the earth should just explode soon <3
#<3 just ur typical Human moment of Doubting and Being Frustrated move alogn#the dilemmas never end it's crazy. and u're giving out all of this to an overthinkerw/crippling anxiety#can't even romanticize it :( i just have to pretend i'm in a movie? ok. cinematically killing myself#& yea u know when they're right that's another thing like. Yea it won't be like this forever. Yea it's a cycle. doesn't mean it's not#tiring to go through. & sometimes u don't need pep talks u just really gotta whine & complain then u go back to Going Through It &#Fighting Tooth and Nail Against It. whatever#ugh and it rlly just took a friend talking to me about how someone they know also complained about how this town is just really shitty. &#some of the burden is gone like oh?? okay. thank you. i'm not crazy & dramatic & Being Singled Out this town is just really fucking stupid#& another one about how it really is just sooo hard. super super hard. to land a good decent humane job when u're not finished w/getting#ur degree. bc everybody hates everyone <3#& it just really baffled me bc have we really normalized child labor so much that it's actually common behavior to SHAME minors if they#don't have jobs. it's crazy#no that's not the case for me but like. seeing it w/others...wdym that 14 yr old has to hustle no that 14 yr old has to go to the#park with their friends after they finished their homework. what do u Mean they need to be thinking about how to earn 50k a year#it's bad application of good ideologies bc omg. yes children need to learn about survival & careers & their future but not to that extent??#& these aren't even child stars child artists whatever. these r the children in slums children in small towns children in low income#families. mamser why r u pressuring ur child to work in a factory to support a family they did not create#& that shame is somehow so internalized it's so ingrained#oh god i never understood i always thought i was just so behind. but no this town this city is created by satan himself#it's all ab connections. nepotism; our lgu the very embodiment of it. why am i still shocked that the citizens modeled their life after#this too. no one gives a fuck about anyone else unless they'd have something to Gain for giving a fuck#& i'd be so envious of these kids with sidelines w jobs & it's like. no that's their family business. no that's just the business of a#family friend & they work just for fun. or no that's from a scholarship & it's aligned w their educational track. & i just Don't Have That#& i should be ok with not having that. girl. u as a 15 yr old should not have been thinking about supporting a family.#at the very least u can think about being independent & supporting urself if that's what u'd like/u wanna try it but. ugh.#that big responsibility should be just a choice & something u should b doing when u're in an actual stable point of ur life. 20s 30s above.#not when u r Fifteen. shaking ur shouldrs. younger cathy listen 2 me!!!!!#& ik obvs case. poverty & ignorance but god do i hope this won't b the norm forever. when r we gonna let children just be children#when are we gonna do our absolute best to support them & always make them feel safe and stable and free & just let them#discover themselves & the world
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god. inquisition + trespasser was so good... fuck
#every now and then i'll be like 'ouh im kinda ok with how veilguard turned out i mean it could've been worse or it could've#never happened' but then like. i see the old games and im like waow. how far we've fallen#though i gotta say after veilguard there's some dialogue choices in inquisition that make me wanna punch drywall#solasmancer inky who (having drunk from the well [jesus christ the amount of foreshadowing and buildup that was just abandoned]) tells sola#that she will use the power of the well to move the world forward. even if she messes up she promises to keep trying#because the world only gets better if you accept your part in it#UGHHHHHHHH#AND HE AGREES AND GIVES APPROVAL#T_T#im not even a solasmancer but this character is SO GOOD and his story is SO GOOD#and the conclusion we got was like a shambling stuck-together-with-spit-and-bubblegum version of what could've been#T______T#swagever. at least i got to meet emmrich#I feel about emmrich the same way that romanced solas feels about the inquisitor#this world is doomed and stupid and everyone in it is fake people EXCEPT FOR YOU#and that changes everything and also can't change shit and ig the only thing i can do is keep soldiering on#lucky to have met you even in this fucked up not right bad end ass world#sigh.
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How’s life? No pressure question ofc, but if you want to share please feel free to do so with this ask :3
Eh, it doesn't feel all that great right now. I'm tired and hungry a lot, but I just have to get a routine together. My sleep has been wonky, I've been waking up too early, but I feel fine then but it also feels like I can't rest completely- I have dreamless nights mostly. And I also just get annoyed a lot, but it feels better being around people I like.
#my father is upset today too cause I couldn't hang out with him#I talked to a social worker at school a few days ago just for check in and in my opinion I still feel bad even talking to her#it's been a rough week and I'm not sure what to do except deal with it and move on#I like to draw still#I dont want to get tired of it#I mean at least I'm doing productive things like laundry and showering#I'm gonna have spaghetti today that's a good thing#I'll have clean sheets for my bed that's good too#I got presents a day earlier and that's good#I like listing the positives#It kinda gives me ideas for writing#I really wanna eat all these positive things i mean the feeling it gives me in itself#I really love the good things I don't ever want to lose them#I'm actually gonna try to make a doll bunny today#I got dug up old fabrics in my room so I can experiment with something new#I'd list more good things but I'd sound kinda weird doing that in the tags#I should probably journal again but my mind blanks when I try but I'll figure it out#I mean poetry and fanfiction is always an outlet#I gotta practice that more often#There still a ways to go in life so obviously it'll change eventually it always does#And it's only one of many weeks so I can't be too doubtful#It can't always be the worst#Feeling the same feels awful#No matter the emotion it kinda turns numb if you feel it long enough#Days are always changing though since everybody is doing different things everyday all the time#Like most say 'it gets better' eventually#I guess I can wait for a good day#I have no choice sooo I'll let whatever happen#Well technically I can make it happen#I'll feel better when I made myself dinner and cleaned my bed and put away my laundry and put on fuzzy socks and go to sleep
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fucking hell.
#this is honestly the best kind of problem to have#but i got a job offer at PEARL HARBOR#and i have to give them my decision tomorrow#the question is if i want to uproot my entire life for the second time in six months#and can i AFFORD to#i want to work at pearl harbor so so bad#let me do exhibit design for a park that sees 1.8 MILLION VISITORS A YEAR#who are there for the HISTORY#b u t#i don't wanna move to hawaii LOL#i recoil from the logistics#literally just moved from west virginia to UTAH in september#do i want to move from utah to HAWAII for a four-year position#and sell off everything that can't fit in two suitcases
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been thinking recently about how i play games (in general but also a bit on the competitive side on some)
turns out i don't particularly care about winning, i just want to have fun, but obviously i do like winning i just try to do win by doing very stupid stuff
it's way more fun for everyone involved when you do things against the meta or common sense and end up winning anyways bc it's so weird that it takes others by surprise
#i like doing dumb things that only work bc they're dumb#so everyone just falls for it#hehe yes run into my very telegraphed move boy#also why i enjoy low tiers more so than top tiers in most cases#bc they're often not super explored so people aren't used to playing against them#so they have no idea what to expect from someone that takes weird ass characters seriously#maybe i should get back into mk8dx#and use a stupid combo like max speed or something#bc you can win with that if you know how to go about bagging#can't frontrun tho#i'll think about it#i just kinda quit that game bc it's just. so dumb it's such a bad game. sort of in a way#it's good it's just oddly designed. it's at least pretty well balanced all things considered#but i hate it bc of how you have to play the game if you wanna compete at higher level#same with smash ult kinda. i hate Hate how high level ult is played. it's so fucking slow and defensive bullshit#but there's some fun to be had in it if you do dumb stuff as i said#or if you have a character like ness that presses a bunch of buttons so you're always doing something#i like pressing a bunch of buttons :3#it's so much better than just standing there waiting for the other guy to do something like sonic waiting to spin dash or#steve mining with a wall between you#or g&w doing stupid things in general this bitch has too much air movility#also fuck mario (sometimes) he's such a fast character you can't do anything unless you have fast options or are patient enough to wait for#an opening. but fuck that i don't wanna wait around#i wanna run straight at you and hit you#before anyone says to play melee or pm. no#sorry it's a bad game too just in different ways. not bad bad but yknow#meteor cancel. shields that reflect projectiles. like 15 characters you can use if you're good enough otherwise you have like 5 you can use#out of the 26 in the game (not counting wireframes or giga bowser)#tho melee definitely has some better mechanics like wavedashing and run speed carrying over from jumps (not really a mechanic tho#since it can be changed on each character individually)
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as a huge spyro year of the dragon fan i Hate the reignited trilogy they took all the charm and nostalgia out of it BUT ... spyro's walking/running animation ? they perfected that.
#qktalks#world's most satisfying animation i could watch him hop around like that for hours. he's so ........ noodle-like#but they also took away his slow wing-flap animation from the original#like the one that's used when he's just standing there. he flaps his wings out very slowly in a constant rhythm#they took that away too. garbage game 0/10 /silly#they also made hunter .......so fucking ugly ?? whyd they do that to him . he didn't deserve this#for people unfamiliar with spyro look up spyro 3 original hunter vs reignited hunter you'll wanna vomit#idk i feel like reignited just didn't need to be made ?#a port of the original woulda been fucking BOMB. im of the opinion that old games don't Need to be remade#they just need to be ported/remastered or Whatever. and maybe tinkered with a Little if some aspect of the game was horrid for any reason#but also im of the opinion that u CAN do a good remake. if ur careful.#i don't think spyro needed all those graphic upgrades or that cartoonish realism#yeah the environments r pretty and they did a fine job w that i don't have an issue with the environments i have an issue w the characters#overall i think ?? bianca was done pretty well. she looks similar enough in face-shape to 3's original design#can't rly pinpoint anything in particular that's strange abt her. maybe her eyes? but idk what they coulda done differently#the sorceress is fine ... i kinda wish they made her head a little wider and kept the gradual change in scale color intact but#she's okay too#the fairies look bad<33333#spyro himself .... he looks okay ?#there's something Different about his face shape i kinda wish they'd kept everything a bit .... smaller? idk how to describe it#but it doesn't bother me that much i think they did a good job. lord knows they did better than skylanders .............#i also have an issue with the animations in general#idk how to explain it but the Way the characters move ............. it irks me#it's just so unnatural ? how they move and gesture when they talk? it's not Bad Animation it looks rly good graphically speaking#but idk. this isn't a spyro thing in particular it's just that animation style that i dislike#playing reignited just makes me sad. playing the original comforts me. playing reignited makes me sad that im not playing the original#u can remake an old game made of approximately 18 polygons and make it look good AND make it look like the original#u just have to be careful about the geometry and the level of detail and the eye shapes
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i feel like something ppl never talk abt when it comes to neurodivergent ppl owning animals is that, yes, they're good for your mental health, but also it can get so fucking overwhelming to have one.
i have no experience with owning a dog, but i can say for certain that owning a cat is so fucking overwhelming. make that 3 and it's hell, esp with my cats.
i can't eat without being constantly surrounded by fucking cats that try to eat my food and get so fucking close to my plate it drives me insane and i have to constantly push them off the table but they just hop back up!!!
and they constantly knock shit over. one of my cats is banned from my bedroom because he won't stop climbing and knocking over everything in my room and i don't even have that much shit to knock over because of him! and i can't display any of my things because of my fucking cats. i have a lego set built but i have to have it on one of my shelves, pushed pretty far back, and i have another one i want to build but i cant because i can't display it anywhere!
"put them in another room." I CANT. i cannot do that, esp right now because my bathroom is being renovated and there's no fucking door, and there's lino to go down on the floor in the toilet (toilet is separate from shower and sink) so i can't put them there because the fucking twats will scratch it! and i can't put them in mine or my parents' or my brother's bedroom because they will pull the fucking carpet up to try and get out and i'll be unable to get into any room. and i can't even put them in the kitchen because there's a catflap for the outside cat we have who we can't transition into being an inside cat because one of the 3 inside cats hates her (so technically we have 4 cats) and although the catflap is microchipped fucking outside cat's nemesis SOMEHOW gets out anyway!
and don't get me started on them keeping me up at night. they NEVER. FUCKING. SLEEP! if i close the door 2/3 will start crying and scratching at the door, and then when i let them in they want out so i try to keep the door open but the cat i don't want in my room is then able to come in and he climbs my curtains and my hoodies on the back of my door and he tries to get under the covers to snuggle but his snuggling consists of digging his claws into my skin and it's very painful. and then, one of the other cats ends up fighting this cat because he's a cunt. and they're just always fighting. it sounds like they all hate each other but they don't it's just i have two boy cats that although are neutered are still A-Class assholes that won't shut the fuck up!
i'm so overstimulated and i don't know what to do. since i've been alive i've never had cats send me up the fucking wall as much as these ones and there has never been a point in my life (19 years) where we haven't had a cat. and these ones are the worst. or maybe i'm just on the verge of a mental break and it's a combination of work, my disability, and work making my disability worse = depression and constantly tired because i'm just so fucking done.
#rant#tw caps#at the end it sounds like this should be reddit post#i dont care#i'm just so so tired#and it's probably my period coming in a few days#but this is every month#i literally have a depressive episode every month#and it feels like every month it gets worse#i'm going insane#i want to move out but i fucking can't#and even if i did i'd be bringing my cats with me because although they overwhelm me i love them to pieces#i just wanna cry so bad man but even that feels too exhausting to do
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why the fuck do i miss pigeons
#don't ask me i am going thru it today#ebhehbbehbhebhabh#i miss pigeons dude#oooh the poor little domesticed cuties#kate rambles from here#this is a small detail of the feeling i am feeling#like post leaving nyc is wrecking havoc on my psyche#i don't want to be in the fucking great plains#a few irls don't understand my want for city life- and i didn't know it was this bad until staying there for 4 days-#but my mom's whole family is from the city- i just feel so at home there- and everything i've inherited that way is in my blood#and i just wanna bawl my eyes out#i have been quite a bit but like ik i have a goal now- to move into the city- i've always had that goal to at least move to the city near m#but like nyc was like being somewhere i felt i wanted- it's not that i'm looking to make it big- i miss the noise the water and pigeons#around here you'll hear the occasional car go by- and crickets- i miss the city lights- i keep crying about it for so many reasons but#i just don't know how to actually express it?#because it's such an odd feeling for me to feel? because if yknow me well- i love being at home- i hate sleeping somewhere else-#taking a trip down south this last christmas- i couldn't stand the quiet- it's quieter the more south you go and i can't do this#i've always wanted to leave my small town but ?? like actually being somewhere that has felt home has been unattainable bc every#where in oh hasn't been home... and for once i felt like i could do this- and having to return here- just made me break down and cry#maybe it's the person i live with- that makes me wish to leave- but that's not the full truth- idk maybe a good nap will help#kate rambles#i have a life goal now but i wish i could do it now- i hope sooner rather than later i'll at least live in the city#i've been happily living but now i have a direction i wish to run towards- and i'm gonna chase after it#sure i miss seeing tbz i loved seeing them- but it's not even post concert depression- if that makes sense?#which it doesn't make sense- because for mx it was only pcd- but for nyc it's missing the city... and it feels awful#pls ignore this i just needed to be frustrated somewhere#ig knowing what i'm missing- i can finally work on filling that spot huh? i guess that's what i'll be doing#(also vv small point but the fact that one of the people i live with- refuses to ever visit nyc again- is so comforting to me)#pls don't send me an ask about this i just needed to ramble and i haven't caught up on my daily journal yet to do so- so this is here
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Gonna go running tomorrow!!!! Gotta hype myself up because i know once my alarm goes off at 6am i will not be as excited anymore ((((: BUT I'LL GO RUNNING!!!!
#i just#need to get some actual exercise#where i can completely exhaust myself#i mean. i get some pretty exhausting 10 minutes every morning on my hike to class#but i want something a bit longer and something that will end in a nice shower and not in a seminar room#I'm just a bit scared of how it'll go because so far the paths where people exercise are also occupied by other people#and then there's bikes that might kill you if you don't watch out#so i wanna go early so i hopefully avoid random people taking a painfully slow walk in the middle of the path#so you can't pass them#but I'll be moving!!! fast!! i cannot wait tbh#i should have gone tonight#(watch me oversleep and be too unmotivated to go tomorrow morning... istg if i don't get up at 6#I'll still go at 8 or 9 or 10 am and have to live with the consequences of the paths being crowded#I'd go to bed early but my neighbors keep me up until 2am every night so that's fun#but the running will be worth it#(I'm not even a runner ㅠㅠ i just need to substitute my usual high intensity workouts with something other than pilates and yoga#i mean it's definitely not bad to be forced to do something out of my comfort zone but i really miss my jumping around time)#void screams
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me every time i kind of forget and leave something to the last minute: what if i gave up. what then.
#frankie yells#like. i don't forget but i don't idk internalize? that the deadline is fast approaching?#im just like yeah i've got time i'll get around to it! and then i start 1 day before the deadline#and i don't have energy to finish it in one sitting and i don't have the focus to finish it in one day#so then i have this harried rush to finish it the day of. like.#damn bitch you live like this???#like oh wow your time management is terrible actually?? and that makes you feel bad about yourself???#it almost like??? you have untreated diagnosed adhd????#crazyyyy who would have thought it would negatively impact you in like all aspects of your life#not your mother obviously hahahahahaha#idk it's just like i can't not leave things until the last minute and i am fucking myself over constantly and chronically behind on work#what if i gave up??? 🤨🧐#what then?????#like dawg idk if i have another 2 weeks of school in me :(( and club obligations on top of that...#i just want to party w/ my friends before i move away for a year and figure out wtf im doing 😭 i don't wanna have stuff to doooo ughhhh
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