#I very much enjoy the pining it gives me life the actual relationship always made me a bit uncomfy

[kavehayati]

I have qualms with the fact sometimes art is so scrumptious so good so pretty but there’s one thing that just makes me sigh and begrudgingly move on

[shipmansflannels]

the yellowjackets with a younger s/o...

hey, I'm back! it didn't take me long, right? it must be because I have too many things to write on this blog, finally (and I have relatively enough time to organize my ideas for now). so I thought, I made a headcannon of the young yellowjackets, but I might as well make the adult survivors, right? anyway, maybe this is also a sign to say that I will "moderately" write stories with the adult versions, too. who cheered? anyway, without further ado, let's go! thanks for the likes on the first post, I'm glad you liked it! enjoy! sorry for any grammatical or coherence errors, english is not my first language and I'm trying to improve!

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dating a younger person with the yellowjackets women...

shauna shipman.

okay, it's canonical that shauna would have no problem being in a relationship with someone younger.

I mean, even after adam, I think she would be willing to try.

it would be a lot easier in her mind, because dating someone younger means being able to reconnect with callie more easily too.

in shauna's mind, the two of you would be best friends based on your approximate age, regardless of how old you were.

now in terms of dating shauna, i think she would inevitably be an easy going person, to a certain extent.

overprotective as hell, of course, because she's lost so many people she loves over time (and it's become an incurable trauma in her life), that she can't bear to lose you.

she would also cook for you (rabbit meat inserted) all the time, especially if you felt like eating something special.

oh yes, the weekends would have to include callie with you, which is actually not a problem. at least not for you.

I feel like shauna hasn't been, since she was a teenager, someone who would be involved in loud parties or anything like that, so probably the perfect date for her would be watching a movie at home, wrapped in blankets with you, popcorn and soda and a solitude considerable enough for you to kiss, exchange affection and even make out (or have sex) without anyone to get in the way.

natalie scatorccio.

natalie, like shauna, would also have no problem dating someone younger.

since her life has always been full of risks and she was never very afraid of taking most of them, I honestly think that age never made much of a difference to her, at least not after middle age.

but to be honest, dating natalie comes with a combo of even bigger problems and risks that you wouldn't be able to deal with if you didn't love her so much.

I see natalie completely using her s/o as an outlet, or a shield. after rehab, you would be like a kind of warning for her to control herself.

not that it wouldn't also include (if you're a smoker) the two of you smoking in your spare time when you're bored.

natalie would be the kind of girlfriend you could have any conversation in the world with, sober or not. she probably has and gained enough empathy to listen to you and give you accurate advice on how to live your life.

making out a lot and having sex in unusual places also counts.

in my head, despite everything, natalie is the master of serving affection. spooning with her is the best whenever you need it.

she would do anything for you. everything really. anything.

she would be able to get into a fight for you. and risking her own life as well.

lottie matthews.

number one defender of the thesis: "age is just a number".

lottie is literally the personification of quality time and acts of service.

much because of her lonely life, her traumatic and confusing teenage years and the relationships she maintained with people over time, lottie would probably never want you to lack for anything, so any opportunity she has to be with you, she will be, even on her worst days.

arts and crafts dates with her when she is not taking care of camp green pine. you spend hours enjoying each other's company, and the whole world falls silent.

extremely overprotective of you too. just the thought of losing you because of her own insecurities leaves lottie haunted for weeks if she stops to think about it.

she is the ideal companion for anxiety and panic attacks.

she will most likely use the techniques she learned over time with you. if they work, that's another matter. (they always work because in the end it was never about lottie's gift, it was about her company).

a little submissive, a little dominant during sex. lottie is probably the typical "am I hurting you?" at the right time and even if you insist no, she will ask again just to be sure.

she's also the master spooner (I literally see you two fighting over who's going to be the big spoon every night).

taissa turner.

ok, public life has always been a problem for taissa.

but when she's with you, she's able to forget about it for a few minutes.

despite all this freedom, taissa never lets you go out unaccompanied (without a bodyguard) or lets you read the headlines or see the commercials about her first, for fear of any criticism about your age difference.

but more than anything, it's you she turns to when the stress finally gets to her on the worst days.

I see her making any effort for you, and I see her trying to keep a fine line between you and her old life too.

this includes your relationship with sammy, which, in fact, has always been the best possible, and her friendly relationship with simone as well. taissa knows that she cannot take her son out of her ex-wife's life and, even so, she makes a point of including you in family programs with him.

she will literally spend it all on you. anything you ask for, even with a high amount of money, she will buy.

it's probably a way of apologizing about her sleepwalking and her traumas making her even remotely distant from you for some time.

like I said, you're the one she looks for when crises end up attacking her mental health. she won't sleep if you're not safe in bed with her and she makes a point of being snuggled in her arms so she doesn't have any sleepwalking attacks in the middle of the night.

dates with her are always in fancy places, but taissa doesn't care about them that much.

anniversaries, yes, she always takes you to dinner at a fancy restaurant.

but, on her days off, she would easily choose to just spend time with you watching a stupid series or a cliché movie while you sleep cuddling in the middle of it.

sex always, sex anywhere, sex on any occasion. you will never miss this, you can be sure.

van palmer.

this nerdy woman deserves the world and a significant other who doesn't know half of her references.

you two are a match made in heaven, for sure.

van wouldn't waste time trying to get you to watch all the movies that were popular in her time. and she would use your ability to tinker with technology for the video store whenever necessary.

this woman is literally the embodiment of girlfriend material.

quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, she has mastered every love language in existence, you bet.

van will always cook for you. there are rare nights when she lets you make dinner or even order any junk food.

she would also stop whatever she was doing so she could cuddle with you whenever you needed her.

dates with van are always at the cinema, or at an amusement park, or, when she is a little less in debt, at a tourist spot around the world that you would mention that you want to see.

she has good enough memory to remember them all.

the sex is always good, always affectionate, and every now and then, when she's not tired, you'd try a quickie in the bedroom for just a little while, until you feel satisfied.

hopeless romantic until the end of time.

misty quigley.

a walking red flag, misty would probably treat a relationship with someone younger as if it were a great adventure.

well, if you like crazy women, misty is your ideal partner.

she has a bit of a misconception about taking care of you and keeping you safe, so every now and then she'll make a point of checking your calendar and trying to monitor meetings with people in your circle, just to make sure there's no problem.

but this is also a good thing because, if there is a specific date or specific problem, she will remember it and make everyone special, in her own way.

anyway, but she's a good girlfriend too, aside from the weirdness. she has everything under control, she is attentive to you and makes a point of making your day better if it is bad.

dates with her don't need much. If it's in a cafe relaxing and talking about her day, if it's watching crime series or chatting with her about citizen detectives, she'll be happy.

sex is also good, to be honest. I see misty as the roleplay girl, so if she's in the mood to roleplay with you, you can be sure she'll do it. from weirdest to sexiest, it also depends on her day.

she achieved the feat of making a young person like a bird and want to have a bird at home. she is, at the moment, the only one of them to be able to do this masterfully.

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

Ok I’ll give Veilguard this. In Inquisition you grow to love Solas (if you actually like him, haters need not apply here). In Trespasser you can feel the weight of his hinted past and sorrow and feel that uncomfortable mixture of betrayal and sympathy but also more betrayal and doubt. You look at him as a friend or a lover, and in high approval he very much behaves as a thoughtful man with a touch of wry irony to him. But always gentle. That’s the framework Solas loving/liking Inquisitors see him in.

But in Veilguard… hoooo boy, I hate him (in a good way). Like I love him? But the game showcases him at his most snide, his slyest, his most calculating, his most haughty. We can argue whether it’s a facade that he’s channeling to help him push through to finish his goals or if his Pride is in fact twisting him, or if this truly is all of his flaws front-loaded for Rook and the player to see.

It *does* fulfill the warning that Solas gave Lavellan in Trespasser that he didn’t want her to see what he’d become. I came into the game a die hard pining Solasmancer and yeah, I wasn’t.. frightened or put off, but I was admittedly unnerved. In fact it fulfilled a specific fear I have of people, it being “I don’t know who is secretly evil”, so watching Solas sneer and talk down to Rook in their first two conversations from a place of power and self-importance made my stomach turn in an evocative way. It was effective for me, and they managed to keep the facade up by not making Solas one-note in his evil. He was regretful, nostalgic, and gave kudos to the people of the Inquisition. I was happy to know he didn’t see them only as pawns in the end. He did grow to care for them. But in his mind, that phase of his life, that “mission”, is over.

Like thank GOD they didn’t completely butcher this character. Lotta stuff surrounding him was fucked but Solas himself remained at least somewhat coherent and functioned adequately as a versatile ‘anti-villain that thinks he’s an anti-hero but also a villain and it’s complicated, okay, but he does have some villainous mannerisms that make you go ‘uh..hold on a sec, you seem to be enjoying that a bit..’ villain.

To see my man be that wicked to Rook is like.. wow, this is how he treats people he has no feelings for who stand in his way. The Solas we got in Inquisition was de-powered, and maybe you built an antagonistic relationship with him, but he got to *know* you. With Rook you are conversing with a Max Disapproval Solas from the jump. It is greatly derived from the fact that you foiled his ritual—you, some guy. He treats you like some random off the street who infuriatingly messed with his plan, because you are. You have no direct connection to him. You might as well not even exist to him. That it wasn’t eveb a former member of the Inquisition who managed to pull a fast one on him. If it were a member of the Inquisition he would have deemed them worthy. But you? You’re unworthy of having accomplished trapping him.

Like Who are you to stop him? Who actually in the fuck are you? You’re a whelp, you’re vapor, a waste of perfectly good yearbook space.

It’s giving Sovereign v. Shepard vibes, naturally. And I’ll admiiiiiiiit it was at least modestly interesting to see this dynamic play out with a humanoid rather than a giant eldritch space monster.

But anyway, yeah. Solas was kind of misused, as was everything in Veilguard, but there are some decent truffles to dig up in this mud.

[grimmweepers]

hi ryu!! i hope you don’t mind me stopping by with a selfship ask about you and alhaitham :] i seen your lovely post in your pinned about your relationship being very much slow burn - friends to lovers - mutual pining!

but i was wondering when it was that you felt that switch between you both? when was the moment that you realised you wanted to be more than friends , was there a certain instance? ( for both you and alhaitham ) if you’re comfortable talking about it that is 💓 i hope you’re having a great day!

omg thank you so much stopping by, vana 🥺🤍 welcome welcome, i give you a cookie 🍪

sorry it’s taken me so long to answer. i changed my entire ryuhaitham lore very recently so coming up with new details takes a bit more brain power. it means a lot that you’re asking, i’m always okay with yapping about us !! p.s i may have yapped a little too hard so i wholeheartedly apologise for the length of this 😭

we came to terms with our feelings at completely different times—him first, and me much, much later. as you can probably guess, it was a slow snowball effect. one realisation led to another until suddenly, we were thinking about each other in ways that friends definitely don’t.

it all started because we ended up in the same darshan, which meant we’d occasionally study together. we know he’s a promoter of self learning/study and pretty much marches to the beat of his own drum so at first, it was mostly out of obligation. you know, me being “that girl who isn’t from teyvat” may have nudged alhaitham (aloof as he is) to lend a hand, especially since he’s a top student and the akademiya probably gave him some gentle encouragement to help the odd outsider. over time tho, what started as polite study sessions grew into an actual friendship!

for alhaitham, the shift happened when he stopped viewing me as just this anomaly and saw how different i was from his initial impression. being thrown into an unfamiliar world made me cautious and reserved, but his refusal to treat me like some tragedy made me feel more at ease. since i’m more talkative in one-on-one settings, my personality eventually started bleeding through—flaws and all. and once he realised i wasn’t quiet but actually dramatic, sassy, comical, and maybe a little weird, he found it… endearing. he had one of those, “i don’t have a type, but…” moments. the rest, as they say, is history.

for me? erm… i’m embarrassingly slow on the uptake. i didn’t realise my feelings until after we graduated. in my defence, getting isekai’d into another world kind of messes with your sense of permanence, so romance was low on my priority list. but then one day, it hit me—alhaitham had been showing his affection in his subtle, alhaitham-esque ways all along, and our moments together always felt just a little deeper than with anyone else.

this isn’t to say he was painfully pining for me the entire time. alhaitham’s approach to his feelings very matter-of-fact. he enjoyed my company and found me pleasant to be around. if i didn’t feel the same, it wasn’t going to ruin his life.

the chaos started once i realised i had a crush on him. you can imagine how that went. i couldn’t even look at him without overthinking everything, while he was just… blissfully unaware of my revelation and internal spiral. there were definitely signs over the years that something was brewing between us, but we’re the king and queen of brushing things off in the name of logic. so yeah, it was slow!!!! but when things finally clicked, i suppose it was worth every agonising, awkward moment 🙄🤍

[mrslittletall]

fic writer self-recs

tagged by: @misskriemhilds (thank you and sorry for taking forever to do this)

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers.

Alright, without further ado, let's begin:

A Storm is coming (Dark Souls) This fic came to be because I was stuck with another fic of mine and frustrated and was like "Okay, but what would happen if Ornstein followed around the Chosen Undead during the second half of the game?!" I wrote the first chapter and added chapters whenever I felt like it and then this thing had over 40 kudos despite them not having gone on the adventure yet and I was like "??? Where did'ya all come from???" And then I started to put effort into this fic. My Chosen Undead, Tempest, grew into a proper OC. The story became a clear structure and outline. And the relationship between the two grew into a slowburn mutual pining romance. That is my most popular Dark Souls fic and I consider it my Magnum Opus as a writer. I sometimes write these two still for one-shots and they always always are so easy to write. They feel like a part of me now. Thanks so much to everyone who gave this fic a chance and stayed with it. Thank you so much.

Keeping it together (Dark Souls)

This is the fic I was stuck on and why I started to write Storm. It is basically about Ornstein dealing with Artorias' death. Horribly. I had a hard time myself during writing this, living through burnout. The year 2019 was my year to heal from everything and I made good effort but then... well, you know what happened in 2020... Anyway, I struggled a lot with this fic, but I think the last chapter of this is the best chapter I have written in my whole writing career. And it only happened because I took a deep breath and then suddenly everything was clear and I knew what I had to do. Off Balance (Hollow Knight)

Ah, another case of "I am writing this on a whim." This fic came to be because of some art of teenage Hollow and I was like "Oh, I want to make fic to this art". I first thought it might be a one-shot but I got ideas and continued and then it turned into a full fix-it and PK redemption arc. You can see in this fic how it grows and the characters with it. You can see how I make WL from sad mother to the queen she is, how PK grows into the role as a father but never stops struggling and how Hollow turns from the Pure Vessel into a child that enjoys life. This fic was extremely well received and I regurlarly receive kudos on it. I am coming back to this universe, I promise. It was just... after 2022, my life turned into hell. Hollow, Pendry, Rydellia, you are waiting for me, right?

Frenzy (Bloodborne)

Is that one of my best works? Honestly, it isn't, I really need to rewrite parts of it. But it is very dear to me. The idea was "What if Laurence got too close the Amydgala and turned into a catatonic state as result?" It was an exploration of the Frenzy status. Mostly from the caretaker POV of Ludwig and a little bit of Laurence (because he is not really there most of the time in the fic). I did quite some research on the topic but I vomited out this fic in a week (YES, REALLY), so it is pretty rough around the edges. Ranni and the horrible, annoying, obnoxious Tarnished (Elden Ring) I got this idea after the Mini Ranni quest in Elden Ring. I was like "Wow, she needs someone that shuts her up." And then I though "Hm, I need a Tarnished who can annoy her to no end." And who was grinning at me?! My version of Laurence (Bloodborne), who can be a horrible annoying obnoxious asshole! So I made an Elden Ring version of him and wrote him into this story. And it WORKED! This fic actually got quite some numbers. I guess I am not the only one who wanted to annoy Ranni xD Alright, let's see how many fic writers I can think of tagging... @within-its-cave @ruthlesslistener @deluxinn @redsixwing Go on, give your fics some love!

[desceros]

hi, just gonna start this off by saying I'm in love with your stories!! Like Dood, I've read your stuff an unhealthy amount of times. I was just wonderin'... *twiddles fingers* if you ever get time, could you drop some tips on how you write your stories? And what I mean by that is, like how you develop your main character and their relationship with the turts, then how you plan your story without getting stuck? Because your stories are flawless and I always have trouble getting past plot holes! (btw, sorry if this was a lot! I completely understand if you don't have time to answer this!)

uwahh, thank you so much!! i love hearing that people enjoy my writing, heehee = v= and i'm also a sucker for this kind of question so thanks for giving me an excuse to talk about it :D

sooo usually i start with a plot nugget (e.g. "a meet cute at the aquarium where you see someone cute through the tank but don't catch their name"). then i think ok, who does that mesh with, pairing wise? for that fic, euclidean line, i wanted to write rise donnie and he fit the prompt very well, so that settles that. sometimes it's 'oh this prompt begs for this character, so i'm going to be writing him now i guess.' just depends.

with the plot nugget usually comes a vibe, and that vibe kind of dictates the mood of the fic. sometimes my fics are humorous (think goldilocks), and sometimes they're more somber (think EL). with that vibe comes the, uh, "mood" of the reader insert character. since i knew EL was going to be a study of donnie's emotional fallout with krang, i wanted to have a reader who was good at dealing with emotions to be a kind of guiding light for him. goldilocks has a chaotic reader to match the chaotic feel of that fic. etc. that gives me a feel for what the reader's personality is going to be, and from there, i can construct other pieces of things like how they react with the other turtles. leonardo is going to react differently to a sassy reader dating raph than he is to an emotionally-sensitive reader dating donnie, after all, so their relationships kind of fall into place once i know who the reader is.

i like to have a "best friend" character for the reader outside of the romantic relationship. it helps the reader feels like a person with a life outside of the romantic relationship, and it also gives them a chance to have conversations that drive a plot beyond just "when are the main characters gonna smooch". not that that kind of thing isn't interesting (i'm a romance writer for god's sake!), it's just not the only thing i like to have going on. so sometimes i pick the best friend at random (e.g. in amaranthine, i wanted to practice writing raph so i made him the best friend character), and sometimes it's pretty important to the plot (e.g. in the tea fic where splinter being the bestie is actually pretty important to the emotional core of the fic). i match the reader's personality to the best friend character as well, and this helps me create a multi-dimensional person. like... what kind of person would leo pine after, but who is also drinking tea all the time with splinter? what kind of person would donnie want to explore pain kink with, but is also best friends with raph? that kind of thing.

as for the plot and how to avoid plot holes, what i like to do is have a connecting thread that weaves through the entire fic. going back to euclidean line, that fic was all about the jellyfish. you and donnie meet at the jellyfish tank because the two of you are drawn to them, comforted by your different traumas by the idea of existing in the life of a jellyfish. so then you take all of the events of the fic and you pin them to that thread. so little things like... meeting at the jellyfish tank. the smut making them feel like they're floating like a jellyfish. painting a jellyfish for his lab. it gives your fic a sense of continuity that ties everything together, and also gives you an emotionally cathartic line to end on. euclidean line ends with the two of you feeling like jellyfish together. the tea fic ends with leo saying your tea is better than splinter's. the bruise fic ends with the same 'donnie thinks about it a lot' line from the opening. it's a kind of... cheat sheet for satisfying bookends.

from there you just expand out and add plot lines one by one. euclidean line had the romance plot line, but also the meeting the hamato clan plot line. it's the same idea with that one with the tension of you the reader knowing that these are donnie's family, but the insert-chan not knowing. they all build on the same idea, creating continuity through the fic.

then, at the end when you finish your first draft, you go through and you just make sure all the little loops are closed. sometimes i'll catch things that i included at the beginning and either take them out because they didn't go anywhere, or i expand on them a little so that they end in a nice bowtie with everything else. eventually you get to where you just kind of... keep all of them juggling in your head and weave them in organically (which is how you end up chronically writing 30k one shots, oops).

WOW that got super long, but i hope i answered your question?? if not you can ask something more specific and i'll try to dig in but this is probably a pretty good overview, heehee. the best advice i can give to you is just never to give up and always keep writing what YOU want to read, because the love of what you're making is really the thing that'll keep you passionate and excited to go forward. good luck, and i hope this helps you a little! :D

[tcwhoree]

9/8/23

It has been a while but after a few poor choices I’d say the roster has dwindled. A few notable happenings since the last update:

- Rekindled with Bobby but realized pretty quickly he is crazy, and not a cool kind of crazy, like needs mental help crazy.

- Dane (D) got a girlfriend (rude) even though he never made me finish in bed, I was just obsessed with the kind of person he is. I was pulling up to get gas on my motorcycle and realized the truck I was waiting behind looked pretty familiar, then he walked out of the mini mart and he didn’t realize it was me but I said “you’re taking your sweet ass time” and then I took my helmet off, he gave me a little side hug and said he had a girlfriend but asked me how I’ve been. I respect him for being loyal. I was so nervous for some reason. I told him I’m not a teenager anymore and he said “not as hot anymore” jokingly and I knocked his hat off. He told me to ride safe :)

- Two weeks ago I saw Jordan (J) while I was on a date! We’ve kept in touch even throughout my last relationship, in a friendly but always flirty manner. He moved out of state though, just comes to visit every now and then. I recognized the hat he was wearing and took a picture and sent to him, not realizing it was him at first. He didn’t see me though, apparently he was pretty drunk. Whenever he’s in town we make loose plans to see each other and it never works out.. maybe it’s just not meant to.

- My ex boyfriend asked me out on a date, like did he forget that we broke up a year ago?? It was so casual too.. he’s delusional.

- I fell in love for a minute, really thought it could work. Maybe timing was the issue. Though with the right person I feel it wouldn’t matter, but then again I feel that I need to be single at this time in my life.

- During the blue moon I went skinny dipping in the ocean and I slept with Denny, like literally just slept. We’ve done that far more times than we’ve had sex. Actually we’ve only done the deed once, and it wasn’t greattt. He almost feels like a brother to me, very comfortable and easy to spend time with. I enjoy his company and he’s attractive but for some reason the intimacy and romance is no where to be found. I saw him again a couple days ago too and we shared a couple closed mouth kisses. He also asked me about the boy I fell in love with for a minute since they met at a bonfire. Somehow he didn’t make it awkward. We fit so well together but it feels so juvenile despite him being 8 years older. I also don’t like his drug habit.

- I’ve been seeing a Scott on and off. He’s in his 30s and pretty attractive. Not sure where it’s going, he travels a lot. We’ve only slept together once, wasn’t amazing but I think I’d like to give it another chance when he gets back. He also owns a plane and has promised me a ride ;)

- The most recent incident was tonight. I had hooked up with a firefighter in his 40s when I was 18, two years ago now. We sorta kept in touch, he would text me Merry Christmas haha. Well recently I had been thinking about him and how great the sex was so I reached out and we made plans, then he didn’t call or text the night of our plans so I blocked him because I don’t have time for that. It wasn’t the first time either. Didn’t even care to come up with an excuse. I understand being busy but I have to have some self respect at some point. So tonight, about a week after our plans, he shows up at my job! Was sooo taken aback. I turn the corner and there he is immediately going in for a hug. He said he sent me a picture and was wondering if I got it and I said “I’m sorry I lost your number” but damn I kind of want to unblock him. Too much self respect though. He can pine all he wants he lost his shot.

[lycankeyy]

ALRIGHT CHAT TIME FOR A DEEP DIVE

So if you know anything about me (actually this is kinda niche info I don't talk about shipping a lot anymore actually) you'll know that I Love multishipping. Not just in the "enjoying multiple pairings with the same characters" way but specifically in the "I love just smashing whatever characters together to see what happens" way . As long it's not obviously gross/weird I've Probably considered the pairing. So naturally I'm big on polyships

I'm gonna specifically talk about ColorfulShipping (Red/Green/Blue/Yellow) here because they were what I was thinking about when I made this post. I was also going to include JohtoShipping because I have a lot of feelings about them too but this post is SO long so uhh send me an ask or smth if you want me to infodump about that too LMAO

ALSO for the purposes of my shipping experimentation I tend to just. Kind of go with a "all characters are bi/pan unless canonically stated otherwise" (not that that's a problem with spe lmao) mentality so I don't have to worry about it too much. There's also some a-spec headcanons thrown in but if I headcanon a character as experiencing any form of attraction assume its to all genders LMAO

Also uhhh since this is already going to be me just infodumping about my headcanons anyway I'll throw in my self-indulgent gender headcanons in too why not. Alright I think that's all the introduction we need here we go

I think Green was simultaneously the fastest and slowest he realized he had a crush on someone, mostly because he was in denial about it after first realizing. I like to think they got together via an awkward not-date post-Emerald arc that definitely was a date by the end of it LMAO. Red knows Green better than most, and is a big reason why Green starts to loosen up and relax more when he's older. Unfortunately I think about Red's relationship with Blue the least out of these pairings, mostly because their in-canon interactions usually come off as subversions/jokes about the whole "male lead instantly falls for the female lead" trope esp in the earlier arcs. I think them getting together likely happened in their twenties and was less of a big romantic deal to them and more of a "yeah why not let's see if it works out" thing LMAO (it did work out ❤️). I think Red and Yellow really click romantically, for reasons I'll get into more in Yellow's section. They speak each others' love languages really well and probably have the most noticable chemistry. They're somehow always hanging out and yet rarely seen in public together. Cryptid celebrity couple LMAO

-

RED (androgyne, he/she): when it comes to romance I feel like (based on. Canon evidence) that Red can be kinda slow on the uptake. It takes him a while to realize other people like him Like That, and even longer to realize that he feels that way towards other people - not in that he doesn't recognize his own infatuation (we see him get embarassed around cute girls multiple times LMAO), just that he doesn't tend to take crushes very seriously until its been a few years and he realizes his feelings haven't changed. I don't think she would've started dating anyone until her late teens or early twenties.

GREEN (agender transmasc, he/they): I don't think anyone, let alone Green Himself, realized how into the concept of romance Green would be when he got older. He always pictured himself as being a "married to his work" kind of guy, and instead he ended up married to three people. Oops! Despite their dedication to Pokémon training, something I doubt they'd give up unless it was absolutely necessary (and the "necessary" was related to their family, if it was for their own health I don't think they'd care LMAO), I think Green is very much a family man and would thoroughly enjoy domestic life. He is the first one to bring up the idea of having kids in every timeline /j

Green and Red were probably in a state of Mutual Pining for like two straight years. If Green didn't realize he liked him before FRLG he definitely realize it During that arc (they are so touchy during that chapter its so funny. Obsessed with that one panel where he looks like he's staring at Red's abs). Green can be so unbelievably sappy and romantic about their ~rival~ that most people can tell they're dating/married without them even mentioning it LMAO. Green and Blue on the other hand are. So fucking funny. Everyone assumed they had been dating for years and they denied it every time. The second people stopped prying they started dating. Some people speculate it started as a joke. They talk to each other like an old married couple. Everyone assumes they hate each other. They are obsessed with each other. Anyway his relationship with Yellow, as is typical with Yellow's relationships, is more on the casual side. Since they trained together for a while they have a pretty good understanding of one another, though their relationship requires a lot of communication because of how strongly differing their personalities are. They definitely make it work, though.

BLUE (cis woman, she/her): probably obvious, but I think Blue is probably the most lax about romance and dates around a lot. While I'm always big on ColorfulShipping Marriage I doubt they're her only partners and the others are fine with that LMAO. While dating has its many perks for her, I do think at the end of the day she desires the typical fantasy of traditional married life, in the same way that she's always desired a more "normal" life in general. She very much doesn't view her polyamory as a choice/preference and sees it as part of her sexuality, and this set-up is allowing her to get the best of both worlds. Good for her.

As previously stated, I need to flesh out my headcanons for Red and Blue more. If anyone has any thoughts on their relationship I'd love to hear it! As for Green, a lot of their bond with each other is built on mutual understanding of the other's closed-off nature. While they often come off as constantly teasing or bickering with each other, they're actually just able to read each other so well that neither of them had to give up how they talked to each other when they first met to get along LMAO. It's confusing to other people, but they really do love each other! Meanwhile, I think Blue and Yellow have a really specific bond that's kind of hard to describe. Blue is a naturally very guarded and secretive person - even if this improves as she gets older, I think it would only be to the extent that it would no longer get in the way of her close relationships and she'd likely remain that way all her life. But she lets up a little around Yellow. Yellow is easy to talk to and never one to spill another person's secrets, so it's easy for Blue to let her guard down around them. While Yellow is this kind of friend to everyone, Blue probably appreciates it the most.

YELLOW (genderfluid, any pronouns): if you couldn't tell from how Yellow's relationships are talked about in the other sections, I don't believe that Yellow is too into romance. I definitely think she experiences attraction, but is indifferent to actual romantic relationships, isn't a big fan of traditional relationship structure, and doesn't see much of a difference between being someone's "friend" vs "boyfriend/girlfriend" vs "wife/husband". His romantic relationships tend to resemble queerplatonic partnerships more, and he mostly leaves it up to his partners in terms of what labels are used. As long as their partners are happy, they're happy.

Both being Very casual about dating, Red and Yellow get along really well partnership-wise. They stopped doing formal fancy dates after their first one and now their dates mostly just consist of normal hanging out for the most part. As their other partners are often busy, these two hang out the most. Green and Yellow can have clashes of personality at times; Yellow tends to view things in a very unorthodox way and let their emotions do the talking, while Green can be kind of rigid, prefers doing things the old-fashioned way, and doesn't like letting emotions win out over logic. At the end of the day, though, they're both very reasonable people and can resolve any conflicts that arise from this peacefully. They care very deeply for each other, and while the other two can convince Green to take a break, Yellow's the only person that can get him to admit he needs one. Yellow looked up to Blue a lot as a kid, and that respect matured with them into the feelings they have towards Blue now. They see Blue as a very strong and brave person, but want to allow her to not have to be so strong and brave all the time. They value being someone Blue can let her guard down around as much as Blue appreciates them for it.

If you read all of this I love u (/platonic) here's a kitties. Peace and love on planet earht.

You'd be surprised how deep my thoughts are on pokespe polycule dynamics but my tablet is dying and I have to go to bed so thats a post for another day

[jaeyunverse]

enhypen pining for you

pairing(s): ot7 x fem!reader

genre(s): angst, fluff, crack, unrequited love

warning(s): none of the members get the girl LOOL i think that’s all but lmk if you want me to add smth else!

summary: you can love someone with all your heart but you can never force them to feel the same way for you. so, you enjoy the happiness in the small moments and cherish what you already have.

note: i accidentally deleted this a few weeks ago when i was getting rid of my smau chapters so i’m posting it again!! i hope you guys enjoy <33

masterlist

𝗹𝗲𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗲𝘀𝗲𝘂𝗻𝗴

a loser and a horrendous simp

cannot hide his feelings for the life of him

you literally have to shake his shoulders and yell his name to pull him out of his fantasies

the same ones where he’s imagining the two of you on a cute amusement park date

smiles at you sheepishly and rubs the nape of his neck after being caught daydreaming

all the while you’re like ??? are you okay do we need to go to the hospital ???

you’re so confused but he just waves you away

will volunteer to do stuff with you because it means you’ll get to spend time together

doesn’t even care if it’s something he doesn’t like or has never done before

like that one time when he offered to help you out with some two week teaching course for kids

he figured teaching math and science to a bunch of middle schoolers wouldn’t be hard

turns out you were teaching them spanish and the only word he knew was puta

heeseung pining for you is a tragicomedy because he’s trying so hard for no reason, it’s almost hilarious

he might be sort of pathetic but he’s a good guy and his heart’s in the right place

you’re very glad to have him in your life

𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗸 𝗷𝗼𝗻𝗴𝘀𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗴

jay doesn’t remember a time when he wasn’t in love with you

the two of you have been best friends ever since you were in diapers

he longs for something more but doesn’t want to jeopardise your relationship in case you don’t feel the same way

so, he lets things be the way they are

is a very good listener and will never judge you nor give unsolicited advice

will make you walk on the inner side of the footpath because it’s safer

will always remind you to call him when you reach home after a hangout session

will cook for you

knows you love to read, so he will take you out to the bookstore every week

loves the way you look at books and hopes that a day will come when you’ll look at him the same way

lets you sleep in his bed and sleeps on the floor if you’re having a nightmare

will never say no when you ask him to go shopping with you

will buy you ice-cream on your period if you’re craving it in the middle of the night

it’s hard for him to pretend like he’s not in love with you but would never try to distance himself from you

he knows you���ll notice and ask what’s wrong

he hates lying to you but isn’t sure he’ll be able to tell you the truth

so, he suffers in silence

tries to hold back when you hug him

tries to not let his mind wander when you thank him for something by pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek

can’t bring himself to resent you for what you’re making him go through

he loves you too much and fears it’s going to be his downfall

𝘀𝗶𝗺 𝗷𝗮𝗲𝘆𝘂𝗻

thinks he’s being very subtle but is actually embarrassing himself

says he wants you to rate his pick-up lines and then proceeds to spout some of the most terrible ones you’ve ever heard

“roses are red. violets are fine. you be the six and i’ll be the nine.”

“thoughts and prayers for the girl you like. minus infinity out of ten.”

“hey!”

makes up for his shitty flirting skills by being actually funny

prides himself on how his jokes never fail to make you double over

loves the way your eyes crinkle and you laugh so freely when you’re with him

thinks he’s never heard a prettier sound before

plus, the fact that you bury your face in his shoulder and clutch on to him to stop yourself from giggling like a maniac makes his heart flutter

he doesn’t know nor remember what made him fall for you

but every day, you remind him why he’s still in love with you

doesn’t mind that you don’t reciprocate his feelings; he’s sure he’ll get over you some time in the future

he’s satisfied with what the two of you have now and wouldn’t trade it for the world

𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗸 𝘀𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗻

sunghoon lowkey hates you a little bit because he doesn’t like how you make him feel

you make him want to miss ice skating practice in favour of spending time with you

you make him want to take time out of his busy schedule to teach you how to skate

which in reality is just an excuse to hold your hands and have you fall on top of him

loves the way your eyes glitter when you watch him glide on the ice and he can’t help but focus on you instead of his routine

his career is supposed to be his main priority, not making you happy

will never act on his feelings and be miserable for all of eternity

will also be cold with you at times because he thinks that pushing you away will make his heart forget about you

too bad that’s not how things work

gets angry at you because you’re unfazed by his rudeness

falls harder because it’s proof of how you’ll be at his side no matter what

pretends to not care about you but will be the first one to help at a time of distress

will suddenly glare at you out of nowhere because he doesn’t like how you’re making his heart go into overdrive

will force himself to roll his eyes when he sees you getting excited over something small like a herd of sheep on the side of the road

but on the inside, he’ll find you cute and admire you for your ability to find happiness in the most normal things

“i hate you because i love you” type beat

𝗸𝗶𝗺 𝘀𝘂𝗻𝗼𝗼

casual and nonchalant on the outside

freaking out on the inside

sunoo’s face literally turns red from trying to contain his excitement when your teacher pairs you up for a project

he’s so hyped he’s finally going to be able to spend time with you and get to know you

he never approached you before because he didn’t want to weird you out by popping in out of nowhere

plus, he didn’t know how to start a conversation because he didn’t know your interests

all he knew was that you were very kind and helpful—he saw you give your lunch to a homeless kid outside your school a few months back

and then he saw you bring extra food every day after so that the kid wouldn’t be hungry

sunoo thinks that’s how he began falling for you

he rarely lets his emotions get the best of him

his lips always pull up in a soft smile when you talk to him about your dreams so passionately

but then his heart aches as he wonders if you’ll ever talk about him the same way

if your eyes would twinkle and your face would be filled with happiness

he doesn’t mind it when you drone on about trivial things—sunoo lives for the gossip, but most of all, he loves being the person you trust the most

he always has a juicebox handy because you’re such a chatterbox and get thirsty all the time

lets you eat his food and steal his hoodies

never allows anyone to pinch his cheeks except you

there are days when he wishes the two of you could be something more

but he manages to crush the feeling and be content with what you have now

being just friends never killed anyone, did it?

𝘆𝗮𝗻𝗴 𝗷𝘂𝗻𝗴𝘄𝗼𝗻

the shyest person you ever came across

avoided eye contact each time you tried to talk to him, causing you to wonder if he didn’t like you

the thought of that being a real possibility put you off

you were an extrovert and a people pleaser—no way in hell were you letting jungwon off the hook without an explanation

when you confronted him, you found out he didn’t like to socialise and was very introverted

needless to say, you took him under your wing immediately

within a month, you were his ride or die as he was yours

within two months, jungwon realised what he felt for you went beyond the loyalty of friendship

but he didn’t want to lose you by confessing in case you didn’t return his feelings

and so the pining began

his gazes are filled with longing

his smiles are sad

his heart is always aching

but you’re too blind to see through his pretence

will make small gestures that don’t seem much at first glance

like giving you piggyback rides when you’re too tired and accompanying you to grocery stores because you hate shopping alone

like always keeping bandaids handy because you’re too clumsy

like staying up late to help you study and giving you advice without judging you

jungwon is everything you could ever ask for

unfortunately, you can’t give him everything he longs for

𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗺𝘂𝗿𝗮 𝗿𝗶𝗸𝗶

riki’s love language is making your life a living hell

absolutely delights in teasing and annoying you

loves the way your cheeks puff up and make you look like a cute puffer fish when you’re angry

ruffles your hair all the time and throws his arm around your shoulder to lean on you

loves physical intimacy!! but hates to accept that he does

so you’ll see him trying to be subtle about it

will put you in a headlock, engage in harmless violence, and challenge you to beat him at hand and finger wrestling just to be close to you

also hates to acknowledge that he’s down for you really bad because he believes pining is for the weak

but there are times when riki drops the stubborn bitch act and gives in to his feelings

will find himself purposely losing at video games just so he can drink in the wide grin on your face when you think you’ve finally beaten him

will do sweet things for you and then deny doing them when you question him

“did you wake up at four in the morning to record the concert for me?”

“nah. i wanted to record this movie that rarely gets broadcasted but i put on the wrong damn channel.”

lie!!!!

he set his alarm the previous night and got up to record the concert because he knew how much you loved the band

unfortunately, you had an exam the next day and watching it live wasn’t possible

he just didn’t want to see you sad

riki thinks he’s being nonchalant but under the i don’t give a fuck attitude is a boy who deeply cares for you and would sacrifice anything to see you happy

ENHYPEN PERMANENT TAGLIST | @notbeforelong @w3bqrl @hysique @acciomylove @msxflower @rikiflowers @saucytaehyung @abdiitcryy @iuwon @corosetadpole @mochisnlix @nyanggk @lachimolalah @allorysayshi ​@yeonjunthinkr @kdyism @hiqhkey @seonushine @clarakyunisageek @va1ry @kyleeanne @lavienhwa @angel-hyuckie @markleeisdabestdrug @sunoope @j4kesworld @ilandsghost @sunoosbestie @ninishimura @gyusteez @vantxx95 @outrologist @mavlogist @sweetjaemss @enaus @90sni-ki ​@ahnneyong @lvsn1k1 @sunshine-skz @baekhyunstruly @kimjiho1 @ja4hyvn @yunki4evr @centheodd ​@viagumi @bakubae000 @ily-cuz-i @aizzon @envyryns

[discofama]

Okay, I'm a nobody but i wanna talk about Ford Pines' ego, I just feel like it is more complex than we give it credit.

The fandom always has been pretty much devided between those who think he had a huge ego, and those who think he had a diminute ego. I lean to this last thing, not gonna lie, but I do think it was a more gray or fluid thing than a yes or no.

Ford always had two groups of people in his life: the people who despised him and made him feel like a freak and a too socially awkward guy, and the people who told him he would accomplish great things, who called him a genius. I feel like his life was a tug of war game. He needed to accomplish all those things, or he would end up as the only other option according to the people in his life. There was no other choices or chances. And when he feels like he is actually making it, it does get to his head. Don't get me wrong; ego and self-esteem are different things. Have you ever met someone who yelled everywhere how great they were and actually kinda believed it but deep inside were very insecure? I have. That is the dangerous big ego-low self esteem combination.

Bill gets to him because of this combination of traits. Now, hear me out: if his ego wasn't big, why would he actually believe the things Bill told him? And think he knew better than Fiddleford and pretty much anybody? And want to be the greatest scientist? And his dismissive behaviour towards his brother? Yes, because someone else made him believe all of that, because if it wasn't true, then Ford was not that great of a guy or a genius and he was scared of that. This is what made him seemingly be such a proud person, but with a huge insecurity inside. He needed to have this ego and believe himself a superior being because, for him, the only other option was to be a freak.

And if his self esteem wasn't low, why would he need so badly that reassurance? A person who actually trusts themselves and love themselves usually don't fall for manipulation, because people who accept and take care of themselves run away the second they're uncomfortable or get hurt. They know what makes themselves happy. Ford doesn't; Ford doesn't try to reconciliate with his brother, doesn't try to make a life that's not under people's expectations, he also mentioned how alone he felt those years in Gravity Falls even if he loved the place. His best friend was probably the only healthy relationship he had at the moment, but it gets corrupted by Bill's manipulations. Again, he first believes Bill because Bill being wrong or lying is an idea that would destroy his ego completely, not only because it would imply he lied to him about the other stuff, but because believing him in the first place would make him feel "stupid". That's why finding out about his plans was so devastating for him, apart from, well, almost destroying the world.

Wanna mention that I don't see these traits in the older version of Ford. It's like he grew up a slightly better self esteem and turn off his ego for the best. Not that he was actually in a much better situation, no, but he doesn't get himself under anyone's thumb anymore. He interacts with the kids because he enjoys it, he plays a board game even if he had a mission because it made him happy. He wants to help the world, to save it, but it's not to prove his value anymore. Well, yes, but not exactly because of other people. He felt too guilty, but that doesn't prevent him to actually take breaks and enjoy some stuff in the way of fixing "his" mistake. He wants to impress the kids, that's obvious, but I don't feel he wants that because of some deep insecurity; most people in general want to show only their best part to children and/or people you just met. And about Stan... Their fight is not a matter of ego or treason anymore, he just couldn't be thankful when what Stan did would allow the weirdmaggedon to happen. He doesn't seem that resentful, he is polite with him after that first day and kinda tries to get along. It's Stan who, understandably, is mad at him.

Idk just my very confusing thoughts about this character I'm kinda in love with even if I am an aromantic? Honestly, all other aromantic people i met also simp a lot for characters and never for real people. I wonder why. Anyway i'm going to sleep now.

[sakurashell]

Hidden Desires

Please reblog if you like it.

Content: enemies to lovers, neighbors, modern au, season 4 Eren, angst, hurt/comfort, smut, a little fluff, mutual pining, Eren is mean.

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x (fem)reader

Word count: 11.0 k

Summary: you and Eren have known each other since you were little, but you never really got along and he would always let you know just how much he despised you. What if you were both just good at hiding?

Content warnings: nsfw and dark content; verbal abuse; manipulation; toxic relationship; explicit language; smut: (spit kink; cheating; choking; dumbification; dom eren; size kink; creampie; degradation kink; praise kink; dirty talk; nipple play; mouth fucking; cunnilingus; fingering; overstimulation; orgasm denial; hair pulling; slapping.)

author's note: this is the first story I write and post here on tumblr, so I hope it is to your liking. I'm planning on posting stuff here from now on because I have a lot of ideas and I'm sure they will get appreciated here, that's why I decided to create my own blog. English is not my first language so I would appreciate if you guys could tell me when something's wrong, and also please give me your opinion on the work, it's important to me. Hope you like it <3

You were never good at making friends, let alone keeping them. You were never too smart, too beautiful, too athletic, too extroverted, quite the opposite of all these things actually, but you never paid it any mind, at least not unless he started to make you notice. You had known him all your life, your parents were friends since high school and yours were his dad's patients too now, given that he was a doctor, and a hell of a good one too.

Grisha had saved your life back when you were four and a weird pneumonia had almost killed you, you could safely say you wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for the fact that he had immediately sensed something was out of the ordinary. If he hadn't noticed right away, you would probably breathe without a lung now or be attached to a machine in a hospital, which would eventually end with your parents deciding to end your suffering.

You met Eren soon after you recovered from all of it, because his parents had forced him to come to your house and introduce himself to you, claiming that a good company was very much needed for the little boy. If there was something you two had in common, it was definitely the fact that he too wasn't good at approaching people, although it was for different reasons.

You were too scared of rejection to ask a kid to play with you or be your friend, too afraid they would make fun of you and also too introverted and anxious to even try at all. Eren on the contrary wasn't afraid at all, he just thought pretty much nobody was worth of his time, because he had always seen the world in a different lighting since he was little.

You almost feared the way Eren's brain worked, even when he was a kid he would think in a much more mature way compared to the others, and for as much as it made you curious, he didn't seem to be impressed by you either. He was always playing alone, while you watched him silently from your window hoping he would come and ask you to join him, but it never happened, not spontaneously at least. When his ball entered your open window once, he had to knock on your door and ask for it back, so your parents had used the occasion to tell you to go out and play with him.

You were six back then, and still nothing had changed two years after you had met him. You could read it on his face, the disgust, and it made you sick to your stomach but you couldn't deny the offer your parents had made, because you didn't want them to be disappointed in you. You played together for an hour maybe, before he told you you weren't good at it and you said you were sorry for it. Every day after that was spent the same way, considering that both yours and his parents were sure you enjoyed playing with each other, even if it wasn't for more than an hour.

You stopped playing with the ball at fourteen, which was the period his parents started to stop by your house for dinner every sunday, and force Eren to stay in your room while they were preparing the food. He was always quite, and you were always nervous. He was an attractive kid, and if it wasn't for his arrogant ass you knew he would have all the pretty little girls at his feet, if he didn't already. He never paid any attention to you, never complimented your hair, your dresses, your first attempts at makeup, nothing.

You thought it was because he just wasn't the type to do such things, you didn't want to admit to yourself the possibility he could actually just hate you and find you annoying, so one day you gathered some courage and just asked him.

"Why won't you ever talk to me?" you had asked, and he had scoffed in response before giving you an actual answer.

"Because you're boring, and we have nothing in common. I could never be friends with someone like you." and then you spent the rest of the night trying not to cry at the table.

You didn't understand what was wrong with you, and you didn't know why he had decided you didn't have anything in common when he never bothered to ask about the things you liked in the first place. Did he know you liked the ocean? Did he know you liked dreaming about travelling around the world in a camper? Did he know you liked rainy days more than sunny ones because you had an excuse to stay at home without people bothering you about it? Did he know you wanted to work as a hostess to have the opportunity to always be up in the sky? Did he know you knew a lot about the universe because the books that talked about it were the only ones you liked to read?

He didn't, and he didn't even care about knowing it, because you were irrelevant to him. You were sixteen when you had your first fight, because he found you looking at a book in his room without his permission and he had lost his mind.

"I'm sorry Eren, but I had the same book and I noticed the cover. I didn't want to go through your stuff." you had said, lips trembling because you were scared to hear what he would say in response.

"I don't care, keep your fucking hands to yourself. I don't even want you in my room to begin with, and if it weren't for my parents I wouldn't even talk to you." he had ripped the book away from your hands as if they were filthy.

"What did I do to you? I just thought it was cool we had something in common after all, why are you so angry?" you didn't understand his intentions, but it was pretty clear he wanted to be as far from you as he possibly could, you just couldn't accept it yet.

"I don't want you to think we share something, we don't. You're fucking annoying and the sole sight of you makes me nauseous, no wonder you don't have any friends. Now get the fuck out of my room." he wasn't even screaming, he just looked annoyed and his eyes seemed dull.

You wondered if he knew the pain he had caused you over the years, because it absolutely didn't look like it and you were trying to convince yourself he wouldn't have said those things if he was aware of the storm they would create in your mind. He had influence over you and your thoughts, and you didn't even notice it until you found yourself crying in the bathroom a month after your argument, tears streaming down your face while you tried to convince yourself you were just having a normal breakdown and not one over the words he said or the way he treated you.

Truth was, you were bothered and frustrated by it, but you would go to hell before admitting it, so you just kept going and pretended to be unfazed by everything he did or said from that moment on. So now you were eighteen, a full woman with different desires and different ambitions, and Eren was no longer a major factor in your life, or so you thought. Reality was, every time you saw him park his car and enter his house with a girl whose name still remained a secret to you, you felt absolutely horrible.

Stomach twisting and heart racing, blood pumping in your ears and you tried to tell yourself it was just because you found the sight of him absolutely terrifying and not because you were somehow jealous of the blondie keeping him company every single day. You never saw them kissing outside, but you figured it was because he didn't want you to see and know about his business.

You hated the way he had grown to be even more attractive, broad shoulders and a lean figure, accompanied by mid-length brown hair and jaded eyes that glanced at your window any time he saw your shadow, if only you knew. Honestly, the hate and the frustration you felt were reciprocated by him, and he despised how good you looked now, it made him laugh that you probably still considered yourself ugly or not worthy.

It made him laugh, yet it made him also want to yell at you for how stupid you were for wasting your potential that way and thinking so poorly of yourself, so he just left it all to your - again - awfully stupid excuse of a boyfriend or whatever he was for you. He knew he couldn't say anything to you, he had always treated you so bad and was probably the reason of a lot of your insecurities, besides you two hadn't talked in months and he didn't know anything about your life anymore.

He was aware he had been the one to tell you to let him alone, but he hated the thought of other people having some sort of power over you, of not knowing who your friends were, who you were fucking, who you were seeing. Not only that, but he wanted to have an influence over you, you couldn't just ignore him like that, it made him feel angry and irrelevant and he knew he wasn't, not for you at least, because he saw the way you still looked at him from your silly window.

He knew he looked good, and he knew you hated it because you could never admit it to yourself. He wanted to make you crumble, see your lips tremble again because of him, he wanted to mean something to you, whatever that could be. He needed to have a place in your life again, even if you didn't want him to or he had made you think otherwise, so he was going to take it.

Eren was a lot of things, stubborn and passionate being the features that stood out the most amongst the others, and he was always able to take what he wanted, he was going to do the same with you this time; so when you went out to wait for your boyfriend to arrive and pick you up - since he had promised you a dinner together considering he never had time to see you, apparently - he was waiting for you on the bench you would usually sit on.

You thought about it for a minute before sitting beside him, but you didn't want to act childish and you didn't want him to think he had the power to bother you somehow, so you sat down and whispered a shy "hi".

"Waiting for your boyfriend?" he asked, and you would see his smirk if only you wouldn't be so stubborn and turn your face to look at him.

"Yeah." there were words lingering on your lips, but you decided to keep them for yourself for the moment.

"I never see him a lot around here, does he give you enough attention?" he was talking like he was speaking to a little child, elbows resting on his knees while he kept his face up with the palm of his hand and observed you.

You tensed up, he could see it in the way you were stumping rhythmically your foot on the ground, while your hands moved up and down your thighs, rubbing against your skin, uncovered because of the little cute white skirt you were wearing. You considered lying to him, but he was in no place to ask that question to begin with, so you thought it was better to remind him that instead.

"I don't think it should concern you, it's none of your business." and he scoffed. He fucking scoffed. Did it really come so natural to him? This all 'making fun of you' thing?

"Sounds like he doesn't. Poor princess can't even get her boyfriend to treat her right? What a shame, you really didn't change after all." he spat out like nothing, words like venom entering your brain and making it stop working.

Why was it always so easy for him to find the right way to hurt you? It was as if he knew you like a book, and he just had to rip off the right pages. Or like you were his voodoo doll or some shit, and he always pocked at you with a needle where he knew would hurt the most.

"I did change. I no longer have time for your bullshit, Eren. I'm tired of this." well, if he thought you were going to run away crying your eyes out, then he was most certainly wrong. Now you were even facing him, eyes narrowed while you scanned his stupid face and he grinned.

"Tired of what? Me telling the truth and you not accepting it?" he spoke like you were stupid and he had to make sure you understood what he was saying, and it fucking bothered you.

"You're not telling the truth, you're just being an asshole because that's the only thing you're good at." you were fully angry now, talking through gritted teeth while trying not to go any further.

"Yeah? Looks like your boyfriend's not any less of an asshole than me, considering that you've been here for twenty minutes already and he hasn't shown up yet." he chuckled, shrugging his shoulders before leaning over the bench with his back.

"Maybe he's taking his time fucking someone less boring than you, and he'll come here right after just because he pities you." he turned around again, teal eyes looking at you. "Can't say I wouldn't do the same." and he smirked.

You couldn't say much this time though, he had hit all the right spots and you hated him so much for it. You had the feeling your boyfriend had been cheating on you for a while now, and his delay that day didn't help your suspicions at all. Still, Eren's words hurt for a reason much more personal than the all cheating thing, because he made it seem like it was your fault, and you already had too much on your plate to overthink again about yourself, but Eren had always been good at reminding you just how useless and worthless you were.

You didn't have much of a comeback for him this time, he had only helped your insecurities resurface and you didn't want to risk start crying right in front of him, which was probably what he looked forward to, so you swallowed your pride and got up, not saying a word to him on your way back to your house.

You heard a "Guess I was right" before opening the door and leaving him behind once you were inside, and you finally took your time to call your stupid partner and ask him where he was. He preceded you though, because as soon as you were about to click on his contact and call him, your phone lit up with a notification.

babe, I'm so sorry but I can't make it today. Busy day at work, see you tomorrow.

And you just knew it was an excuse, you knew it yet you still answered with a 'don't worry, see ya' because you were in no place to start that argument at that precise moment, when Eren had already played his twisted games on you. Still, the emotion that oppressed you more than sadness at that point was rage, pure and genuine, and you felt the need to go back to him and make him pay for all the sick things he had told you during the years.

A part of your mind tried to suppress it, and you spent a good two minutes taking deep breaths and holding your purse tight, but every time his face flashed in your mind, it made it more difficult for you to keep your cool, to the point you decided to go back to him, hoping to find him outside.

And there he was indeed, manspreading on the bench with a cigarette between his lips, relaxing under the chilly sun of April. It made you so mad, seeing how unfazed he was, it made you want to destroy that apparent peace, made you want to see him upset because of you, so you got close to him again and threw your purse beside him, before positioning yourself right in front of him.

He raised his eyes to look at you, taking his time to observe your expression and he could just tell how mad he had made you, and it made his body shiver in a pleasant excitement. He smirked at you, extinguished his cigarette with his foot and stood up, towering over you with his stupid face, hands in his pockets. Even his posture made fun of you, it was hilarious, really.

"What's wrong? The princess broke up with the prince?" he tilted his head slightly, a fake pout on his face.

"Stop calling me princess, and act like a fucking adult. You think you're all that, but you're just a cocky piece of shit who needs to put other people down to feel better about himself, am I not right?" you were the one grinning this time, and you must say, you quite enjoyed talking back to him after years of absorbing his shit.

"And even if we did break up, that would be none of your goddamn business. You spent years talking shit about me and suddenly you wanna know what happens in my life? Fuck no, go back to your blondie Jaeger." you were too busy assaulting him with your rage filled words to notice immediately what you had said, but he wasted no time.

"My blondie you said? You mean Historia?" he laughed after a second, looking at you with pity.

"You know," he started, getting closer and placing one of his long fingers under your chin "I see you every day, looking at me from your little window" he was lowering his voice dangerously now, his nose just inches apart from yours.

"I know you're obsessed with me, you've been since we were little kids." he moved his digit from your chin to the apple of your cheek, tracing it down to your neck right after. What was going on?

"I'm not obsessed with you, stop touching me." you placed your hands on his chest, trying to increase the space between you two, but your shaky breath and your high pitched voice told him otherwise. Reality was, you couldn't believe Eren was this close to you, touching your face like that while you tried hard to keep your composure under his taunting gaze.

"Then why are you always watching me, mh? And why did you even bring Historia into this if you don't know anything about us?" he had you trapped, and your mouth was beginning to feel dry because of his hand shifting from your face to your wrist, keeping it in a grip while your hands were still on his chest.

"I always see her with you, thought she was your girlfriend, that's it." there was nothing wrong with assuming he would be in a relationship with the girl who's always entering his house, right? But again, you were just confirming the fact that you did look at him from your window. Was it a crime though?

"Nu-huh, we just fuck from time to time." he shrugged his shoulders, like he had just said he was going to buy some groceries.

"Seems to me like you fuck every day." now it was just your rage talking again, but you couldn't keep quiet forever, could you? It bothered you, knowing he was in fact fucking someone else, even if you had already imagined. You felt stupid for having this constant need to feel appreciated by him even after years of him treating you like shit, but you couldn't keep your feelings in a cage forever, and you knew that.

"Why? Does it bother you princess?" he was laughing at you again, bringing his face closer to yours while keeping your hands firm in place.

Was it the way he smelled, the way his collarbone was exposed and tempting, or the way he looked at you and talked to you that made you feel so incredibly...aroused?

"Of course not, I don't care who you're fucking or how much you do it." you were sure you looked at least partially convincing, but he saw it on your face and heard it in your voice, the way you were oh so clearly lying to him.

"Don't lie to me, it's so obvious when you do it." he was testing you, a lopsided smile plastered on his face. You didn't want to confirm his thoughts and play his games tho, so you took a step back and detached your hands from his chest.

He was quick to grab both of your wrists this time, and bring them right where they were again. He laughed, because you had just proven his point and you also knew damn well you didn't mind the situation you were in, yet you hated yourself for it.

"He's not coming, is he?" he whispered in your ear, hot breath fanning over your skin and tickling it.

You gasped at the proximity, trying to find the strength to answer as he smirked at your vulnerable state, you were molding under his gaze, his voice, his hands.

"Why do you care?" You asked it because you didn't want to give him the satisfaction to know he was right yet, but you were also yearning to understand just why he was so curious with anything concerning you or your life. You were craving for a positive answer from him, even when deep inside you knew you weren't going to get it.

"No particular reason. I just think it's funny." he shrugged his shoulders and looked down at you, searching for a reaction.

"And what's so funny about it?" raising your brow, you tried to give him the same energy back, but Eren knew he was going to win the game, and you were probably aware of it too.

"It's funny how you tried to forget about me with someone like him, you could have done better." his voice was lower, hoarse and haunting you. Your whole facade almost fell down in a second at his words, but you were capable to pull yourself together immediately. After all, that's what you had done for years when it came to him and your feelings.

"Don't be so full of yourself, I could never like someone as shitty as you." you spat out, teeth gritted together as you held his gaze.

He chuckled in response at your bravery, moving his hand only to trail his knuckles over your cheek, "Oh but you do, you always have." he smiled softly, as if he was talking to a dumb little kid, "Don't think I didn't notice the way you looked at me, or how you got in that pretty red dress every time you and your parents came to have dinner at my house just because I liked the color." you opened your mouth immediately at his statement, desperately looking for something to say and deny his words, but your breath got caught up in your throat.

"I enjoyed it, you know", he moved a lock of your hair behind your ear, lowering his head a little. "seeing you getting all dressed up for me, it made me feel special." you couldn't find it in you to stop whatever he was doing, cause you were finally getting some recognition from him and it felt too good.

"I even liked your books, and the stupid bracelet you made for me, I still have it." that had been your mom's fault, forcing you to make Eren a pearl bracelet when you were fourteen because she knew you liked him and thought that was going to bring you guys closer. It didn't of course, he had taken it just because your mom was right there with you when you gave it to him, but it was also true that he had never told you anything bad about it, you just thought he had thrown it away.

"Remember that time you kissed Armin when we were seventeen? I stopped coming to your house right after." he looked more serious now, his hand was still on your shoulder while he waited for you to answer. You just nodded in response, not sure of where he was going with the conversation.

"I stopped cause I was jealous. I knew it was your first kiss, and the fact my best friend was the one giving it you fucking bothered the shit out of me, even if it was a stupid game." you didn't understand, didn't even know why he was telling you all this in the first place. Didn't he hate you?

"What are you saying? You treated me like shit, you can't be serious." brows knitted together, you were trying hard not to crumble and keep your cool, but years of rejection were coming down on you like a stone and he was telling you he actually..liked you?

"Stop messing with me Eren, I don't have time for this." you were practically begging him, although it was with different words. You were begging him to spare the last tad of dignity you had left, begging him to leave you alone and let you start over again with someone else, let you forget about him and everything he had said to you. You took a step back, then another one when he got closer again, and raised your arm to keep him distant.

"You told me I was annoying, boring, told me you didn't want to have anything in common with me." your lips were beginning to tremble, you knew what was coming next and that was why you wanted this to end quickly.

"Shit, you told me the same thing not even twenty minutes ago, remember?" you closed your hands in fists, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Said my boyfriend was fucking someone else, and that you would do the same if you were in his place." you knew damn well he remembered, but you had to be sure.

He seemed to be looking for something right to say, because he was carefully studying your face and your body language, deciding he could do a little more. "I wasn't lying, I really think he's fucking someone else." he took a step toward you, testing the waters.

"As for the last part," another step, you stayed still. "that was a lie." you couldn't move, couldn't keep your eyes off of him. "And I never found you boring, nor annoying for what matters. I was just stupid and couldn't face my feelings." he muttered, and it was like the ground beneath your feet had suddenly disappeared, leaving you to fall in the immense void underneath.

You couldn't believe what he had just said, couldn't trust him and didn't want to, because you couldn't risk him playing with your heart and tearing it apart all over again like it was fucking paper. You hated him for it, hated him for having all this power over you, while he suppressed a smile because he knew he had hit the right spot. However, Eren wasn't lying, he was seriously admitting his feelings towards you, just in a more sadistic way than most people are used to.

He liked seeing you so confuse and worked up because of him, because of his words and his voice and his look and his smell, he was aware of the fact no other guy could make you feel the way he did, especially now that he was giving you the appreciation and recognition you had always wanted from him. You felt stupid for the sense of satisfaction that was invading your body, from head to toe, mind and soul, but you also felt angry, and that's why you closed the last inch that separated you two and furiously hit his chest.

"You are a fucking piece of shit!" you screamed and he couldn't lie, you had caught him a bit off guard, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. "You knew I liked you, you fucking knew it and you treated me like I was garbage for years!" there were tears wetting your cheeks now, but you didn't notice and you wouldn't mind even if you did.

"You and your stupid ego ruined everything, you ruined me for god's sake!" he let you hit him, figured it was the right thing to do and something he deserved after the years spent degrading you. Then you stopped, grabbed the fabric of his thin shirt in your hands and leaned your head over his chest to avoid looking at him.

"I tried so hard to be good enough for you, I wanted you to like me." you were a whiny mess, crying against him yet still holding onto him. He placed his hand over your head, stroking your hair without saying anything. He had you again, wrapped around his fingers and crying for him. He didn't enjoy the fact you were hurt, but he did like knowing he still had so much power over you, and he just had to make sure you wouldn't let anyone else see you like this.

"I wanted my first kiss to be with you, wanted my first time to be with you." your voice was lower, you were basically whispering. "I hate you, I wish I never met you." you raised your head and looked at him. The mascara had stained your skin, your lip gloss was gone and your eyes were still watery, lips swollen because you had bitten them in frustration. You looked fucking beautiful.

"If you have to be with an asshole then I'll make sure it's me." he smiled mischievously, and if it wasn't for the fact you didn't believe in that kind of stuff, you would have thought you had damned yourself by falling for a demon. "No one else can treat you like this, no one else can make you cry." he brushed his thumb under your eyes, then moved it to your bottom lip.

"Forget about your stupid boyfriend, you were mine from the start." he grabbed your jaw, made sure your gaze was fixed on him while he told you who you belonged to. Your mind was spinning and you felt so dizzy you were convinced you were going to pass out sooner or later, you didn't think what was happening could be real.

You were aware of the fact he had you trapped, from the first moment you two had met, and he was aware of it too. Likewise, you knew that you would leave your boyfriend right away if it was what he wanted and if that really meant you were finally going to be with him, but how could you trust him so quickly? He had made fun of you for years, and it was probably what he was doing now, he just wanted to prove to you that erasing him from your mind and your life was just impossible.

You were being so stupid, so dumb for even taking your time and listen to him as if he was going to actually take care of you and make up for all the times he had made you feel like shit. You didn't want to give in, yet you knew a part of you already had, although you did want to put up a fight first, to not make it easier than it already was.

"I need to go back home," you tried to be calm and collected, but your lips were still trembling and Eren could see it. "'s too much, i'm sorry" you weren't sure what you were apologizing for, but he softly moved his hand away from your face and put it back in his pocket, giving you space by taking a step away.

"My parents are away for the next three days, and I'm staying in tonight," he started, voice much more gentle and sincere than before, he was damn good at this. "you know where to find me." instead of leaving you there, he watched you until you were back to the front door of your house, and you gave him a last look before entering it.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

It had been two days since your last discussion with Eren, and you still hadn't figured out what you needed to do. You were spending time doing chores and all types of homework while trying to make some peace inside your mind, but his teal eyes kept haunting you and deep inside you knew you didn't want them to go away and leave you alone again.

On the other hand, Eren had constantly checked his phone and your window, hoping to find either a text from you or see you looking for him from the glass. But he didn't, your window was covered by the curtains inside your room and you hadn't sent him anything. He wondered if he had gotten it all wrong, if he had miscalculated something and he wasn't going to get you back as he hoped, but then his cocky attitude never failed to convince him you were going to knock on his door at some point.

Your boyfriend (or whatever he was at that point) hadn't answered to your texts since the previous morning, and you knew he was probably going to find a lame excuse for it, but you didn't care anymore. Your relationship had ended a long time ago, longer than you'd want to admit, and the situation with Eren had only confirmed it wasn't right to keep it going, so you were most definitely going to break up with him during the week, or as soon as he messaged you back.

You felt almost sick when you got up from your bed and took a look in the mirror, face bare of makeup and only a big tshirt covering your body. You wanted to see Eren so bad, wanted him to tell you again that you were his, and you were from the start. You wanted him to appreciate you, inside and out, wanted him to make you forget about everything else and fulfill your hidden desires, you wanted it so much.

That's why you suddenly got ahold of yourself, brushed your teeth and fixed your hair, put on a lacy lingerie set and finished the look with a large sweatshirt, because you didn't want him to think you had worked hard on it, even if you had. You dwelled over it for a moment before actually gathering the courage to grab your keys and walk to the other side of the road. You hoped he would be alone, and you almost decided to escape when he didn't open the door in a few minutes after you had rung the bell.

But there he was, wet hair caught in a messy half bun, usual chain hanging from his neck over his simple shirt, and he was wearing a pair of shorts under it. "Sorry, had to put something on before opening the door." he smiled at you and invited you inside. You hesitated only for a second before going in, nervously fidgeting with your fingers. Why was he so pretty?

"I thought you were gonna party tonight, it's saturday." you stated, following him to the stairs without saying nothing. You remembered the house, and you were still able to recognize the smell too, so you were aware he was taking you to his room. It was nothing serious tho, Eren was doing it spontaneously, as if you had never stopped going to him every weekend while your parents would stay together in the living room.

"Wasn't in the mood." he shrugged his shoulders and answered quickly, placing his hand on your lower back to guide you to his bed. That wasn't usual at all, and it enhanced the change in your relationship and probably gave you a good reason to think he was being honest all along, if you thought in a more naive way.

You didn't trust him, not at all, but your mind needed you to believe him, to compensate for all the years spent mulling over how you could possibly become someone he would like. The only thing you didn't know, was that he had actually been honest all along, even if his intentions didn't have the sole purpose of making you finally aware of his feelings, even if it had helped him boost his ego again and gain his higher positions in your life back.

They weren't pure intentions, that was for sure, but he wasn't lying to you, not in the slightest. You knew he could be shitty and selfish, and he had no shame in confirming it; you knew he had treated you like shit in the past, and he didn't make excuses for it except telling you the reason behind it. The only thing you lacked at the moment was the trust he needed you to have to believe the feelings he had towards you were real, even if in a twisted and sick way.

You lacked it, yet there you were, sitting on his bed while he stood in front of you, looking down at you and trying to split your mind open with his eyes just to see what you were truly thinking. "Your room's still the same." you commented, glancing at the posters of bands on his wall and the globe placed on his desk, books lining up on it and pencils neatly put in a black holder. Under the desk there still was place for his playstation, placed on a shelf with the games all tidily standing in chronological order beside it.

Eren had always been a tidy person, that was the only thing Carla couldn't argue with him about. His room was black and white, simple and neutral, and it somehow perfectly fit his persona. He still kept the book he read for his own pleasure on his nightstand, and surprisingly enough, the bracelet you had made for him months ago was right next to it, white pearls shining with the muffled light of the room.

"Yeah, and I bet yours' still messy." he had a playful smile on his lips, and his words made you chuckle. It was true, your room was a mess, and it was ironic too. You looked calm and collected from the outside, never suddenly bursting out and always keeping things to yourself, but the mess in your head was reflected by that of the room you slept in every night. Eren had his fair share of messy thoughts and perplexities, he just had a different way of copying with it, and that consisted on keeping his stuff extremely tied up because he needed to have control at least on his surroundings.

"It is." you confirmed, lowering your head to look at your thighs. How was this supposed to work if you didn't even know how to talk to him in the first place?

"I thought you weren't going to come." he was the one to bring it up, lucky you, but now you either had the chance to lie or tell him the truth. Things could get shitty both ways, so what did you really have to lose at that point?

"I wish I hadn't, but I needed to see you." you made sure he was aware of your internal conflict, you didn't want him to think it had been easy for you to choose to see him after what he had done to you.

He almost opened his mouth to tell you he was sorry, because he never really had, but he figured he would have time for that, he was convinced, and that was because he intended on keeping you by his side this time, and fix all his mistakes one by one.

"Why?" you still weren't looking at him, and the lack of eye contact made him frustrated, given that it prohibited him from observing you and your reaction to him and his words. So he lowered himself, knees still not touching the ground and legs spread open, feet holding his weight as he tilted his head to find your face.

You were at the same height now, and there was no possibility of escaping, except exiting the room of course. He lifted your chin up with his fingers once again, finally obtaining what he was looking for. You knew what was coming, knew that if you told him the actual reason you were there - without sugar coating it as you previously did - he was going to probably humiliate you til the end of your days, and you would feel so embarrassed you couldn't even go out anymore.

But you had been the one to knock on his door, you had been the one to put on a lingerie set for the occasion, and you were the one wanting more. "I...I don't know if I should believe you," you started, and you swear you would have made yourself more little if only you could. "I need you to show me." it was almost a whisper at that point, but Eren caught on your words easily.

"Show you?" he wasn't stupid, it was clear in your voice and your face what you meant by that, but he was testing the waters to make sure he wasn't just assuming things, and also gaining some satisfaction in seeing you flustered like that for him.

You were playing with your fingers while Eren kept his under your chin so you wouldn't escape his gaze, and you bit your bottom lip before continuing. "You told me to forget -," you hesitated when he moved his other hand to your knee, fingers brushing against it to ease you and make you more relaxed, but he was only making your situation worse. "- told me to forget about my boyfriend, cause I was yours from the start." you reminded him, but Eren didn't need it.

He remembered his words perfectly, however he didn't want you to stop, so he only nodded, observing the way your eyes would glance at your knee from time to time. "I want you to show me I'm yours, make me forget about him." you stated, your intentions clear as a day. His eyes changed almost immediately, teal color shifting to a darker shade, a smirk plastering on his lips.

He trailed his fingers from your knee to your thigh and you gasped, you fucking gasped just with that and he thought he was going to lose his mind. "How?" he was a little a shit, that was no surprise to you, but if he wanted to tease you like that then you were going to put on a good show for him, make him understand what he had missed during those years.

So you let him keep his hand on your thigh, while the other one moved from your face to do the same and your fingers grabbed the hem of your sweatshirt. You slowly lift to raise it a bit and uncover the lower part of your stomach, leaving your panties completely exposed to him. He took a deep breath when he noticed the lacy, black fabric protecting your most sensitive area, and it was see-through too.

You looked at him just for a moment before finally completely removing the only piece of cloth you had put on, and you thought he was going to eat you when you literally noticed his pupils dilating, tongue licking his lips as he took in every inch of your body. "So," he finally spoke, looking up at you while his fingers began to trace the waistband of your underwear. "is this all for me?" he felt his cock already growing harder just at the sight of you all pretty for him.

"Yes." you affirmed, and he had to clench his jaw to remind himself to take things slow, because he wanted to savor the moment. He grinned at you, squeezing the flesh of your thighs so hard you knew he was going to leave bruises where his fingers were, but you didn't mind. This was his sole chance of redemption, and you could bet he was not going to waste it.

He brought his lips to your left knee first, leaving a kiss there, and then did the same on the right before positioning himself right between your legs, spreading them a bit more to get comfortable. You were shaking in anticipation, breath stuck in your throat as you observed his movements, your hands gripping his sheets while you waited for him to torture you.

"'m gonna make you feel so good you won't even remember his name." he muttered against your thigh, sinking his teeth in it without hurting you. In all honesty, his only presence made you entirely forget about the guy you were supposed to be with, and you didn't care because you knew he deserved it anyway. You couldn't even bring your mind to think about him, every thought of yours was filled with Eren, and only him.

His touch was intoxicating, his breath inebriating and his voice taunting, everything about him made you lose your fucking mind and reduced you to a mold of flesh ready for him to use at his own pleasure, except Eren wasn't going to be selfish this time, not for now at least, because he wanted to give you something you had never experienced, wanted you to enjoy it so much no other guy could ever make you feel the same way.

He wanted to focus on you, so he started to gently place kisses along the skin of your thigh, moving up until he reached the core of your arousal, cunt already throbbing at the sight of him in between your legs, ready to give you what you deserved. He left a light kiss on your pubis, still covered from your panties, before bringing his hands to your shoulders and gently pushing you a little down.

"Lay down for me." he ordered, watching your back meeting his mattress as he went back to focusing on your pussy. He dragged his hands down your stomach, then trailed his fingers to your hips and gripped them, observing the goosebumps slowly forming on your skin at the intimate contact. It made him smile almost unconsciously, seeing you already so worked up for him, made him feel special.

You gasped again when his warm mouth suddenly made contact with your cunt, and he stuck his tongue out to give you a taste of what you were going to feel, let you imagine how it could be without your panties limiting him. He could feel your clit against his tongue, and started pocking at it while you began to let out the cutest little whimpers.

"Look at you, already so needy.." he observed, and his voice sounded so dangerous you almost felt like you were really being haunted by him, and maybe that's what it was. He used two fingers to move your panties to the side, taking in the amazing visual in front of his eyes, cunt glistening with juices and it was all because of him. He collected the slick with his digits, spreading your folds in the process to take a better look as your hands gripped his sheets harder.

"Eren please -," you whined, squeezing your eyes shut, trying to forget about the embarrassment that was washing over your entire body. He looked up at you, grinning at the sight and brought his fingers to your mouth, using his thumb to open it and then roughly shoving them in.

"Be a good girl and suck them for me, taste yourself." he pushed them a bit deeper inside, and didn't remove them until you had sucked them clean and only left your saliva on them. You let them out with a 'pop', daring to look him in the eyes in the process and made his dick harder because you were fucking teasing him, but you weren't going to win and you both were aware of it.

"You wished it was my cock huh?" he scoffed when you shyly nodded at him in response, and abruptly put one of the fingers that were previously in your mouth inside your cunt. You let out a moan, pretty lips parting as you closed your eyes and enjoyed the moment, while he took his time to memorize the way you were reacting and the 'o' shape your mouth formed whenever he would curl his finger inside you.

He added another one, right after bringing his tongue back in the game and starting to circle your clit with it, sucking it and spitting on it. He loved the sounds you made, loved the way your back arched and your hips bucked against his hand, you were such a needy little thing.

"I wanna play a game," he raised his head to look at you, stopping his movements entirely but leaving his fingers in you. You waited for him to finish his sentence, trying not to look too desperate while doing so. "want you to be quiet while I fuck you with my fingers and my tongue." and he curled them again, teasing you and making you squinch at the gesture, your hand immediately covering your mouth to prevent you from being loud.

"Nu-huh, hands on the bed." he ordered, shaking his head. You silently complied, while his free hand moved to your back to unclasped your bra, finally freeing your breasts. "Make a sound and you won't cum, be quiet and I'll let you." he said, pinching one of your nipple and tilting his head to the side to enjoy your reaction. He grinned when he saw the way your fingers were gripping his sheets much harder than before, your bottom lip caught in your teeth and your breath heavier.

He resumed his actions, bringing his tongue to your bud again and sucking it, while his fingers pumped in and out at a steady pace. His eyes were fixed on you, but yours were close to avoid looking at him and making it more difficult for you to keep your mouth shut. You were bucking your hips against him again, and you would lie if you told yourself that wasn't the most difficult shit you could go through.

You were doing so well, too well almost, and Eren hated seeing you succeed when your pleasure was literally in his hands, he had to show you it was impossible to keep quiet even if you tried your best, because he was just too good at what he did. So he curled his fingers again, repeatedly hitting the sweet spot neither you or your current boyfriend were able to reach, making your eyes roll to the back of your head and finally, fucking finally, a high-pitched moan left your lips and pleasantly teased every nerve in his body.

He felt you clench around him, your slick dripping down on his sheets and he laughed darkly, suddenly stopping his movements and throwing his head back for a second to gain some composure. "No Eren -," you whined, tears already pricking at your eyes. "please I'll be quiet, 'm so sorry please let me cum." you were begging him to spare you, begging him to finish what he had started and he hadn't even said anything yet.

"You're so pathetic right now, should've listened to me." he slapped your cunt and you let out another moan, while he chuckled and stood up. "'m begging you 'ren, I'll do whatever you want just please — please let me cum." your legs were spasming from the orgasm that was stuck in your lower stomach, begging to be released and he was just staring at your figure, hair scattered on his sheets and cheeks wet.

You looked so good like that, so perfect all whining and needy for him as you cried and begged him to help you out, it felt even too satisfying to be true, sent shivers down his spine and made his cock hardly throb in his pants. "Come here then." he didn't think twice before gesturing you to get up from the bed and kneel in front of him, and you didn't mind the cold of the floor or the way it was already hurting your knees, your mind was too fucked up to care.

"I'm gonna use your mouth as a fuck toy, yeah? Want you to choke on my cock." he started, stroking your hair as you looked up at him and nodded eagerly, eyes filled with lust as you patiently waited for him to give it to you. He lowered his pants together with his boxers, and you were sure you were drooling just from seeing his dick hitting his hard stomach immediately, already leaking with precum.

The veins were visible and his tip was a soft pink, length completely hard and standing proudly on its own. Your sexual life had consisted only on fucking with your boyfriend, giving head to him and occasionally a handjob, but you received back basically nothing, since you almost never came under his touch or when his dick was inside you. This time was different, maybe because of the years that built up this moment and your feelings towards the guy looking down to you, or maybe just because he was extremely good at it, and you guessed it was both.

His cock was longer, larger and overall prettier than the one you were used to, and you thought you wouldn't be able to find anything better if you didn't keep him to yourself, you hated the thought of him letting someone else have it, so you had to make your pretty mouth unforgettable to him.

You opened it and stuck your tongue out, and he was quick to tap the end of his length on it once he had grabbed the base of it, testing the waters and preparing you for what was coming next. You circled your tongue around the tip, making him groan at the gesture and grip your nape with his right hand, bringing you closer to him while you closed your lips and finally trapped his dick in your mouth. He bobbed your head up and down, each thrust going deeper until it eventually reached your throat, making you gag as tears began to slowly stream down your face again.

Your mascara was a mess and your cheeks already felt sore from how big he was, but you didn't dare to stop. Your cunt was pulsating and you could feel your juices sticking to your thighs, so you shifted your foot until your heel was making contact with the sensitive area, and you started to rub against it to create some friction and ease your suffering a little.

Eren noticed the way you rotated your hips and moaned against his dick almost immediately, grabbing your hair and pulling it until his length was out of your mouth. "You're such a little slut." he scoffed, slapping your cheek with his cock while still keeping your hair in a tight grip. You didn't stop your movements, instead grinding against your heel harder because the way he talked to you made you even more aroused.

"So desperate for my cock that you can't even wait," he continued, this time lowering his face and grabbing your jaw with his other hand, forcing you to part your lips. "but I don't mind, go on and make yourself cum like the pathetic whore you are." and he spat in your mouth, roughly and without thinking too much about it, smirking as he watched you swallow his spit immediately.

It was all so overwhelming that you were convinced it was going to be impossible for you to have an experience even close to the one you were having with Eren with another person, but it was his goal after all. He was in ecstasy too, seeing you kneeling in front of him, swallowing down his saliva, gagging on his cock and grinding against your foot because he had made you so desperate for him, it was like a vision.

He could almost believe he was just dreaming because of how unreal it all felt, finally getting to see your body and not jerk off to the idea of you as he did when he was sixteen, because you had suddenly started to wear more revealing clothes and he could see your curves so much better. He remembered locking the door of the bathroom that time you kissed Armin and he had to sleep at his place right after the event, he was angry but he couldn't help his cock from getting hard at the thought of him being the one to stuff your mouth with his tongue, and maybe groping your tits.

And there you were, but this time your mouth was stuffed with his dick and he couldn't desire anything better. He sensed your orgasm when he felt the way your hands suddenly squeezed his thigh and your cheeks hollowed around him, sucking harder as you shut your eyes and finally reached your high, whimpering against him. He pulled out the moment your lips loosened a bit around his cock because of your moans, and he was sure he could have cum just by watching your face as you sadly looked up at him, your eyes watery and confused.

He ordered you to get on the bed first, removing all his clothes completely as you laid down and took off your panties. He licked his lips at the delicious sight, pumping his dick in his fist as he observed you. Your cheeks were flushed, baby hair sticking to your sweaty forehead, lips slightly opened, almost as if they were still waiting for him to stuff your mouth again.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard you'll be too dumb to even think," and he rubbed his tip through your folds, making you whimper. "and next time I'm gonna cum in your fucking mouth, cause I know you want a taste." he smiled darkly at you, before stretching his hand to open the drawer of his nightstand right beside him and grab a condom. He stopped when he felt your hand gripping his wrist, you were shaking your head when he turned again to look at you.

"I'm on the pill." you stated, and decided it was your time to wind him up a bit. "I want it raw, please." your puppy eyes were doing some serious shit to his mind, and he couldn't help himself when he brought your hand to your neck, fingers circling around your throat while his other hand grabbed ahold of your waist.

He teased you a little more, rubbing his dick against your clit until you were whining again because of your desperation. Then he pushed inside you quickly, his cock hitting your cervix almost immediately because of the violence of his sudden movement, balls hitting your skin as he started to pump in and out of you faster, without wasting any second of his time.

His fingers applied a sweet pressure to your neck, enough to make you dizzy but not enough to make you pass out. "You like this, don't you?" he groaned, slowing his actions to rotate his hips before starting to thrust faster again. "You like my cock filling your cunt, like feeling my hand chocking you, mh?" it was obvious you did, and his words made you only clench around him more as you didn't hold back your moans, that were becoming screams at that point.

"Yes 'ren, I like it so much, please don't ever stop — oh my god" he loved that nickname, it reminded you of every time you cried after he had been mean to you and called him 'ren before begging him to treat you better and be good to you, and now you were doing it again, but this time while he was fucking you senseless and you were crying because of the pleasure.

He kept pumping in and out, watching your tits bouncing as your body shifted on his bed under the strength of his movements, his digits leaving bruises on your waist as he fucked you. He moved his knees on the bed one by one, and then raised one of your legs and put in on his shoulder, just to have a better access to your cunt and hit a deeper spot, making you see stars. He bit and sucked the skin of your thigh, intended on leaving as many hickeys as he possibly could while never stopping his thrusts.

"You're mine, yeah? No one else can fuck you this good. Feel my cock in your tummy?" he asked, and grabbed your hand only to place it on your lower stomach where you could actually feel the bulge every time he thrust in you. You couldn't speak for the love of you, you were choking on your own saliva and your breath was caught in your throat, making it impossible for you to form a sentence.

"You're so fucked out you can't even answer?" he laughed, hitting your cheek with the palm of his hand to gain a reaction from you. He did gain one, and it was an even louder moan. "'m yours 'ren, want you to cum in me so bad." you pleaded, and he groaned at your words and the way you were looking at him. He slowed down his pace, this time fucking you harder instead of faster, repeatedly hitting your sweet spot.

"Shit, 'm gonna fill you up real nice, wanna see my cum leak from your pretty cunt." he brought his fingers to your clit, rubbing his digits against it and lowering his head to bite your tits first, then your neck and then your earlobe, while you could feel his breath fanning against your skin. "I'm cumming 'ren — aaah god, i'm cumming!" you could feel his smile against your skin as he rotated his hips, still stimulating your bud.

"Cum for me baby, cream all over my cock and show me how good you are." he whispered in your ear, and you gave up to his request right away, moaning his name while your legs began to shake as your orgasm hit you like a truck, making your brain stop working. "Good girl, just like that." he praised you while still moving inside you through your high and reaching for his own, the overstimulation leading you to snivel under him.

"Oh fuck, you take me so well beautiful, just hold out a bit more, 'kay?" he praised you again, because he noticed the way your muscles where spasming and you were biting your lip to prevent you from crying out loud. Still, you let him take his time and he couldn't be more grateful for it, because when he finally reached his orgasm and cum inside you he knew he had to have you for himself.

"Shit, look at that." he panted out, heavy breath as he pulled out of you and watched his sperm leaking from your cunt, just like he had said, and mixing with your slick. It wasn't enough for him, and he collected the juices just to push them back inside you and drag them between your folds. Once he was done he lowered his head again to kiss you, much more gently this time, and smiled at you proudly.

"You did so good." he stroked your cheek with his clean hand, and gave you a little kiss again. You were finally relaxing under his soft touch when your phone rang, screen glowing with his name on it. You anxiously tried to stand up, but Eren pushed you back on the bed again and grabbed it for you, before accepting the call and bringing it to his ear.

"Sorry dude, she's busy getting fucked right now and you kind of interrupted us." he said as if it was nothing, and even if you knew it wasn't right, you couldn't bring yourself to care about what your boyfriend - ex boyfriend - would think. "What?!" you could hear his rage through your phone, meanwhile Eren rolled his eyes and abruptly pushed his cock inside you again, making you gasp loudly at the intrusion and at the sensation that came with it.

"Heard that? That was your girlfriend finally getting what she deserves, now get off our asses and go back to your bitches, cause you and I both know you're a shitty cheater." and with that he ended the call, throwing your phone beside you on the bed and bringing his attention back to you.

He looked at you as if he was waiting for you to say something, or maybe tell him to pull his dick out. "Ex girlfriend." was the only thing that left your mouth, accompanied by the bucking of your hips against his. What you said had boosted his ego so much he was grinning at you, slowly pumping in you until his cock was fully hard again.

"I don't deserve you either, but I promise you I'll make it worth it."

SAKURASHELL © 2021. All content belongs to SAKURASHELL. Do not copy, modify, or repost my work. Do not share any of my Tumblr content on another platform without permission.

[absolutelyfizzing]

unwanted feelings

james potter x reader

description - You'd had a crush on James Potter for years and when he kisses Lily Evans in front of you, you are heart broken. Later you find that he didn't actually feel as you expected and he explains himself.

warnings - some angst, unsure reader, fem pronouns, self doubt, negative self talk, not eating for a day cause reader is avoiding someone

word count - 2800

A/N - so this one isn't my best work by far but i wrote it so looks like its getting posted. i don't know why all of my reader inserts lately are so fem and sort of bubbly, i guess it's sort of what i'm aiming for for myself right now but i'm sorry if it maybe isn't coming off as relatable.

MASTERLIST

Your throat tightened in anxiety as you watched James zoom around the pitch. He was reckless when he was playing quidditch and it was one of the things that made him great at the game and an excellent captain. It was also the thing that nearly gave you a heart attack every time you watched him play. You went to every one of his games and you always wore something of his with his colors when you were in the stands. You were stood up on your seat and a slightly bored looking Remus sat to your right, reading from a book you didn't recognize. You'd thought that Sirius playing would be enough to keep him interested but sports was just not something he enjoyed watching. You were usually that way as well but whenever James was playing, suddenly you were the most intent spectator in the stands.

You were more worried than you should have been. More worried than what was appropriate for a friend to be. That's what you were, friends. That had been reinforced many times by the shaggy haired boy and you tried desperately to get it through your head before you embarrassed yourself one of these days. Sometimes though, you just couldn't help it.

Really you might have thought he reciprocated if you didn't know any better. You often got comments on what an attractive couple you guys were but each time it was quickly corrected by James. Normally along the lines of 'Oh god no, we are just friends. Purely platonic' , sometimes followed by a shudder or a gag even. It upset you every time to no end but you played along. You rarely, if ever, contributed to the shooting down of any feelings but that was never noticed by the man you had feelings for.

You'd had a crush on him since you were probably in your second year and now you were coming to the middle of your seventh. There were a million times that you almost said something but every time there was a reminder that you were not the one he had eyes for. It usually took the shape of disgust at the thought of dating you or commentary as he pined over the Evans girl who you felt you could never compete with. How could you when she was just perfect. You saw her to the left of you as she stood in the stands as well and your hands shook with insecurity before looking back toward the game. Your heart raced nearly as quickly as James did around the pitch and you prayed that the snitch would be caught soon so that you could get rid of the stress surrounding you. You felt a hand on your right shoulder and you looked over to find Remus had stood and was looking at you caringly.

"Are you alright, Y/N?" He asked softly and you tried your very best to soften your gaze and calm your stance so you appeared less concerned with someone that you shouldn't have that much interest in in the first place.

"Of course I am. When am I not?" You smiled before looking out at the pitch.

"When youre watching the guy you're in love with play a dangerous game that you don't like." He stated simply in response to the question you meant to be rhetorical and your eyes widened.

"I don't know what youre talking about." You nearly whispered and Remus smiled.

"I'm not gonna tell anyone Y/N but its not exactly subtle. It probably doesn't help that I know the look on your face because it's how I feel too watching Sirius play." He was still smirking but your anxiety was far from eased.

"Oh god, does he know?" You asked scaredly, terrified that the answer would be yes and you would have to stop spending time with him.

"Shockingly, no." You sighed out in relief but Remus continued. "You should tell him though or else he might end up moving on."

"What do you mean? There's nothing for him to move on from. Everyone knows he's in love with Evans and he has made it pretty clear that he is opposed to being anything more than a friendly relationship with me." You choked out, struggling with the words leaving your lips but knowing them to be true.

"I mean he has a minor crush on Evans but it's nothing compared to the annoyingly huge crush he has on you. He's probably just overcompensating for the fact that he's insecure and doesn't want you to reject him."

"Why are you telling me this?" You asked sincerely. You were friends with Remus as you were with the rest of the marauders but it was nothing compared to the friendship they held within their group. You knew Remus was more loyal to James than to you so you couldn't understand why, if it was true, Remus would be telling you at all.

"Because he is trying desperately to move on seeing as he is under the impression that you aren't into him and I'd hate to see him throw something away that could be really good for him." Remus smiled gently and you looked at him gratefully.

"I really appreciate you telling me and all but I just don't think I can believe you. I can't even count how many times he has made a big show of not liking me. I love him too much to ruin what we have and I know that if I confessed and it went bad that I would lose him all together. I would rather have him in my life in a way that hurts than not have him in it at all." You stated sadly and Remus sighed but nodded in understanding.

"I get it but just know that I'm being honest and pretty soon he is going to give up on it. I just want to see you both happy but if its too big of a leap, I understand. That's exactly the excuse he tells the rest of us too."

Suddenly cheers erupted from the stands, cutting your conversation with Remus off as everyone ran to rush the pitch. The snitch had been caught and gryffindor won. You were excited for James but you were also a little terrified to walk onto the pitch to see him with the now conflicted thoughts running through your head. Your thoughts were stopped by the image in front of you which was causing the whole crowd to cheer. James had pulled Lily Evans into a kiss in his excitement and your heart stopped. You felt nausea rise in your throat and Remus caught your eye with a sympathetic look. You didn't look at him for longer than a second and you ran off the pitch with tears streaming down your face. You found your way up to your dorm, pushing yourself to get there quickly before the common room filled with students celebrating their victory. James was always one to love attention so he would be getting crazy after the game which he did just about every time they won.

When you made it to your bed, you hurried under the covers, throwing the shirt you were wearing which belonged to James onto the floor. You felt your heart clench at the despair you felt. You wanted to be upset at Remus for getting your hopes up but you knew he was sincere in his want to help. Still you felt that you would probably not be able to face James in the weeks to come. Maybe, given a little time, you could be around him and not be upset at the world for taking away your chance with him. As you laid in your bed, you stared at the ceiling. You felt tears streaming down your face and you grew angry at yourself. He didn't owe you anything, he wasn't into you. That wasn't his fault and it was so unfair of you to expect anything more from him when your feelings were not his responsibility.

You weren't sure how long you laid there but you could hear the party start and end in the common room. It must have been late. Sleep wouldnt come though, you could just feel your heart continue to break and you were stuck in a loop of self pity. You made the decision that the following days would be spent away from James if you could at all help it. That was probably what he wanted anyway and it was the only way that you would get over the pain you were feeling. At some point your roomates entered your dorm and sleep overtook you for a few restless hours.

When you woke up, the sun was barely on the rise. You hurried up and got dressed and ready. You were planning on getting to breakfast early to avoid running into any of the marauders. You found your plans were not going how you wanted when you entered the great hall to find a head of red hair next to a mop of black. Your throat tightened and you quickly moved to turn and head out of the great hall. You heard a familiar voice call your name but you rushed out before you could give it too much thought. You knew that if you let him try to convince you, you would end up having a very upsetting breakfast with your best friend and his new lover. You would rather avoid breakfast.

Throughout the day, avoiding James was proving to be harder than you had thought it would be. You had many of your classes with him and you even sat next to him in a few. He was insistently trying to get you to open up about why you were suddenly so closed off to him but you remained shut off, reassuring him that nothing was wrong and you were just a little tired from the game the day before. You avoided lunch for the same reason as you had avoided breakfast and you felt yourself starting to get a bit lightheaded. Your afternoon was spent avoiding James but soon he was preoccupied with Lily anyway.

You were hid in a corner of the library when a cough alerted you of someone's presence. You looked up to find the very eyes you hadn't wanted to see.

You pushed it down with a gulp and smiled a bit at him, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay but they were growing harder to hold back after keeping everything pent up all day. It probably didn't help that you were hungry and therefor a bit more emotional. You could feel the tears sitting in your eyes, waiting for something to go wrong so they had an excuse to escape you.

"I don't know what I did wrong." He mumbled while looking at the floor in front of you and you took a deep breath.

"There's nothing wrong James, I promise. It's just been a long day." You smiled and your heart picked up speed.

"Since when did we lie to each other?" He questioned and your heart stopped. You were left unsure how to respond.

"Since the truth would cause more damage than good." You spoke honestly. At this he looked up at you and your eyes met. A tear left you and James immediately moved to comfort you but you tried to move away, standing quickly to evade him. You regretted it as spots filled your vision, the lack of food catching up to you. You know that you turned a bit green for a moment because James looked slightly scared.

"Y/N I dont know whats wrong but you look like you should be getting to the hospital wing. You don't look well."

Before you could answer you felt your vision blacken and your legs give out before your consciousness left you completely.

When you woke up, you knew you were in the hospital wing. It smelled sterile and the bed was stiff underneath you. When you started to wake madam pomfrey came to check on you.

"You can't go around with an empty stomach like that again, do you hear me?" She scolded, though her eyes were soft. You nodded solemnly. "I was alerted that you hadn't been to the great hall to eat all day, you have to know that isn't good for you. I'm gonna have a prefect watch out for you the next couple days to make sure you're eating at meal times. Understood?" She asked again and once more you nodded before leaning back and sighing. You looked at your surroundings and were surprised to see the black haired boy next to your bed fast asleep. Your heart took off again and you felt trapped by your environment. As anxiety swirled around in your chest, James had woken up a bit.

"You're awake." James sighed, laced with relief. You still wouldn't make eye contact with him.  You felt the bed dip as he sat on it and you looked up to watch him put his head in his hands as he leaned over. You felt guilt fill your chest more than it already had from hating that you felt any claim over the man in front of you. You knew you were in the wrong and the last thing you wanted was to cause him any pain. "Remus talked to me." He almost whispered.

At that moment, you wished you could have apparated to anywhere else in the world. You looked back down at your lap and tears were once again brought to your eyes. You felt betrayal that Remus would reveal your feelings to James.

"I'm sorry." You apologized and you fiddled with your fingers.

"Why are you the one apologizing, I'm the one whos behaved poorly." He assures and you shake your head.

"That's not fair to yourself. You're allowed to want to be with whomever you want and my feelings should have no effect on that. You've made it clear for years that you weren't interested in me and it is my fault that I couldn't take a hint. I'm so sorry." You gushed out and tears started to fall from your eyes. You felt James get up from your bed and you prepared him to leave but instead you felt arms wrap around you and a kiss came to your head.

"Y/N I have had feelings for you for years. I was just always too scared for myself to even consider that you might feel the same." He whispered out but you felt only a different kind of pain. Even though he had now admitted his feelings, he was still dating Lily. Not you. Almost as if he could hear your thoughts he spoke quietly. "I broke it off with Evans." You pulled away immediately.

"What? Why would you do that?" You asked quickly and before he had a chance to answer you feared the worst. "Oh god is it because of me? James please dont let my feelings have any bearing on who you want to date, I can't stand the thought of being the reason you broke up. Even if we do have feelings for each other, you deserve a chance with Lily if that's what you want."

"It was mutual, actually. She understood that I had feelings for you and she said she had a crush on someone else. It just seemed like I had kissed her a bit rashly on the quidditch pitch and we agreed that we shouldn't have gotten together in the first place. It was only a day anyway." He reassured as he explained himself and you calmed a bit.

"So what does this mean." You got out, almost inaudibly.

"It means that, if you'll have me, I'd like to take you out on a date." He stated as if it were the simplest thing in the world and you almost couldn't believe your ears. Before you were even thinking you were nodding quickly, causing spots to once again fill your vision and James grabbed your shoulders to stabilize you before you both laughed. He pulled you by your shoulders toward him and he caught your lips in a kiss that somehow expressed all of the years of repressed feelings. When he pulled away he smiled at you and sat back on your bed. He spent the rest of the day with you in the hospital wing talking about all of the places he was going to take you in the coming weeks.

[chimcess]

The Spork {M.Y.G.} (Teaser)

Yoongi x Reader Other tags: Journalist! Yoongi, Artist! Reader, Coworkers to Lovers, Starving Artist! Yoongi, Pianist! Yoongi, Yoongi pining over his ex heavy in the beginning, Smut Word Count: TBD Genre: Coworkers to lovers! AU, Angst, Slow Burn, Eventual Fluff, Mutual Pining, Pining over Ex Synopsis: Min Yoongi is by all accounts a loser- well according to his girlfriend anyway. After losing his job at Five Guys, Park Bitna finally kicks their 8-year relationship to the curb and now he is desperately trying to win her back, even going back into the world of journalism to make things right. After getting a job at humor magazine, The Spork, Yoongi meets Y/N, an anti-social cartoonist with mommy issues. Together, the two hatch a plan to help Yoongi get Bitna back, but what happens when Yoongi realizes that maybe his dreams are different now? Warnings: Talks of depression, talk of antidepressants (for like two seconds), Huge insecurity issues, Reader has mommy issues, mentions of past eating disorder (Please be cautious), They’re massive idiots, alcohol consumption ,Oral (f receiving), Dirty Talk, Pretty vanilla, soft Yoongi, fluffy smut, lots of kisses, pretty tame honestly, they do it on top of piano, multiple smut scenes Playlist: Spotify No Spotify? No Problem!: YouTube Release Date: TBD A/N:  Hey guys! Just wanted to let you see a little sneak peek of what I’m currently working on. It’s still being written and I’m only at the very beginning of things, but I know I’ve been MIA for a while and wanted to update. I also have an update from yesterday kind of talking about what’s been going on as well as my plans for the year. I hope you guys enjoy The Spork upon release! Thanks so much for being so patient with me! Also, we are not starting at the very beginning, it’s a few paragraphs into things. Didn’t want to ruin too much and the phone call is pretty mundane!

Yoongi’s phone started ringing from across the small room and he practically lunged at the device. He had been waiting to hear back from several magazine and newspaper companies about employment. Bitna had always complained about his “laziness” and thought he should just give up on music altogether. No matter how wonderfully he played piano, Yoongi was now 28 and more behind in life than he should be. 

“Just hang it up, Yoon,” Bitna would always say. “You have a degree that you aren’t using even though you’re good enough to get an internship at Vogue!”

And she was right. She always was. Yoongi had to come to terms with the fact that he is a journalist, not a musician, and flipping burgers at Five Guys would never bring her back to him. She needs to see that he is trying. Really trying. Because Park Bitna will not wait around for him to step up anymore- she made that abundantly clear. It was his turn to fight for them. He needed to show her that he loved her.

Yoongi picked up his phone.

“Hello?”

“Ah, yes. Can I speak with Min Yoongi?” A bright voice replied.

“Speaking,” Yoongi replied, wincing at the flatness in his voice. It is a curse, really.

“Good morning, Mr.Min! How are you doing today?”

Yoongi placed the call on speakerphone and removed the rubber gloves he was wearing.

“I’m well, how are you?”

“I’m wonderful, thanks for asking.” The voice was extremely deep, Yoongi noted. 

He would have a beautiful voice if trained properly. Maybe Yoongi could convince the guy to jam with him if nothing else? No, Yoongi, he scolded himself, music is not on the brain for the time being. Just focus on this. It is obviously work-related. Focus.

“It’s lovely to speak with you, Mr.Min-”

“Please, Yoongi is fine.”

“Lovely to speak with you, Yoongi-shi. My name is Kim Taehyung, I work at The Spork. I see that you applied for our journalist position?”

Yoongi stood up straighter. This was the first company to actually call him back. The Spork was an online humor magazine that had a decent following. It was not Vogue, however, Yoongi was not interested in getting back into a large company like that again. Especially a fashion magazine. The Spork was a good fit. It was mostly comic strips, funny articles mocking news media (think of The Onion), and the latest updates in the comedy world. Yoongi was not confident he would hear back from them since his most concrete work experience was all for a fashion magazine from six years ago, and yet here he was talking to Kim Taehyung. 

“Yes, I did. I’m surprised to hear back from you guys.”

Taehyung laughed, “We are full of them here. Our CEO would like to schedule an interview with you as soon as possible. When would you be available to come in?”

“Um,” Yoongi floundered around for his calendar book. “One moment, please.”

After locating the God-forsaken thing a few seconds later in the kitchen, dropping it twice, Yoongi flipped to the current month. He was meeting with his brother and sister-in-law tomorrow for dinner and then it would be the weekend. He silently cursed Taehyung for calling him on a Thursday. Figures.

“Would first thing Monday morning work?” He finally asked, dejected about his lack of instant gratification. 

“That would be perfect!” Taehyung’s voice was overly excited for someone just scheduling him in. Yoongi hated it.

“Sounds good.”

“See you Monday morning. Enjoy your weekend, Yoongi-shi.”

“Thanks, you too.”

“I sure will! Thank you so much!”

The line went silent and Yoongi sighed in relief.

[spenciegoob]

Dethroned (Requested)

A/N: I know the request said the relationship between Reader and Luke is platonic, but I kinda dropped subtle hints that Luke is slightly pining for Reader... oop.

Request: smutty post-prison Reid being jealous. Like him just being absolutely in love with reader, like he had been since she joined the BAU but was too nervous to say anything so settled for being mega close best friends. Then when he returns from prison he finds out that her and Luke have become close friends whilst he’s been gone (its simply platonic though) and he ends up snapping and just absolutely annihilating the reader over her desk in the office after everyone else has left

Pairing: Post Prison!Spencer x Fem!Reader

Category: Smut

Content Warning: jealous!spencer, exhibition, hair pulling, degradation/praise, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, breeding kink

Masterlist

Word Count: 3.9K

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It was a gradual realization on his part. Spencer was so overwhelmed with coming home, his mom and Cat to even really take notice in the shift of your attention from him to Luke Alvez.

It wasn’t like you completely ignored him since his return. You were Spencer’s best friend, the title he settled on all those years ago when you all but skipped into the BAU and into his life.

And it wasn’t like you didn’t have other male friends. Before his leave, Derek and you had gotten along pretty well right off the bat, and Spencer never thought about it twice. If anything, he was ecstatic that two people that were so important in his life were also important to each other.

But when Spencer was stuck behind physical bars that represented every feeling for you he’s tried to keep at bay, you found comfort in Luke. He couldn’t blame you for that either, especially when the first time you visited him all he could see was hurt in your eyes, and all he could do was stare back with the same expression.

The first time he noticed the shift was after everything had settled, and the groove of life, for the team at least, was back in motion. You all had decided to go out and grab a drink, and the second you agreed, Spencer was also on board. He would follow you just about anywhere if it meant the smile on your face when he said yes stayed forever.

Luke had whispered something in your ear, the music in the bar too loud for Spencer to catch what it was. It had to be hilarious by the way you threw your head back in laughter, Luke’s eyes immediately dropping to the newly exposed skin, before nudging his shoulder with yours. 

Spencer couldn't keep his eyes off the conversation in front of him. He should have when the grip on his glass was so hard it could’ve shattered. 

“You know, kid, if you talked to her, she’d know how you feel,” Rossi had told him that night.

“That’s exactly why I can’t,” Spencer thought in his head, but merely gave Rossi a whatever, and walked away to the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror that night, hoping the disgust he felt for how angry he got whenever he saw you with Luke was enough to make it disappear.

It never did.

Like right now, Spencer sat at his desk, a rubber band ball being suffocated in his hand as he watched you perch yourself on top of Luke’s desk. It was an innocent act on you part, but the way Luke leaned back in his chair, opening himself up to you, and allowed his eyes to flicker to your bare legs that were swinging back and forth softly was definitely not innocent... not in Spencer’s book anyway.

It came as no surprise to Spencer that Luke would at the very least find you attractive. You were, in every aspect. Spencer could stare at your for hours, and sometimes, he did.

He would look at the way your skirt hugged your curves in the best possible way, or he would stare at your neck when you leaned back to stretch out. He would watch the way you crossed and uncrossed your legs, a nervous habit you’ve always had. Spencer would think about how soft they probably were, like silk rubbing against each other.

But now Luke was also looking at you like that while you talked about what you were going to do this weekend. 

“If you’re not busy, you should totally come,” you told him, obviously excited with the idea of Luke tagging along to wherever you planned on going.

“Yeah, I think I can make that work,” he agreed, and when he did, you jumped up off his desk, enthusiasm practically dripping from you.

“Yes! It’ll be so much fun, I promise!” And then you did the one thing Spencer silently begged you would never. You kissed Luke on the cheek before scurrying back to your desk.

Of course you would kiss him on the cheek. To you, that was a seemingly innocent and friendly action, one that Spencer had been on the receiving end of for the past 10 years. 

But now, Luke stole his crown and was flaunting it in front of Spencer’s face like an older brother who just got an XBOX for Christmas. Okay, maybe Spencer was a tad on the dramatic side, but how could he not be when Luke all but physically railed you over his desk when his eyes unashamedly did?

There were many things Spencer could take and get back up like nothing had happened. He’s been shot, punched, kicked, framed for murder and hell, he even stabbed himself, but none of that compared to the deep rooted anger that blossomed in his chest like a flame to gasoline when the thought of Luke touching you swarmed his brain.

Enough was enough.

“Alright, you’ve all worked enough today. Please, go home and get some rest,” Emily’s voice traveled from outside her office door to the agents that still inhabited the bullpen like a second home. Most, including Emily in its rarity, gathered their stuff to finally call it a night.

“So, you’ll text me the information?” Luke asked you as he was putting his jacket on. You had yet to move from your slouched position over whatever paperwork you insisted on finishing before leaving. 

“Yeah, definitely!” You beamed up at him before returning back to your case file immediately. Luke walked away with a little more pep in his step than usual per Spencer’s analysis. 

“Hey, Spence. Do you think you can hang back a second and look over this for me?” You asked him, catching the attention of the stumbling genius as he tried to get back to his apartment as fast as possible and deal with his... issues with you and SSA Luke Alvez.

He was going to say no, really he tried, but when he looked up to your puppy dog eyes and slight pout, how could he? Spencer knew you were giving him that face on purpose, he had told you in the past that if you were to ever give him your best puppy dog eyes, he could never refuse.

Now it was coming back to bite him in the...

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Spencer made his way over to your desk that was piled high in paperwork more than anyone else’s.

“I took a bunch of work home, and I accidentally dropped all my files and they scattered every where. So now, all the paperwork is mixed up and Emily needs these by tonight. Basically I’m screwed, but I just wanted to make sure the arsonist in Kentu-”

“I’ll help you,” Spencer interrupted your rambling once he got a grip on himself after adjusting to being so close to you. The smell of your perfume wafted into Spencer’s nose and got him drunk faster than any alcohol could ever. 

“Oh no, Spence. Don’t worry I can handle this,” you immediately shut him down, but Spencer was not easy to convince, and once his mind is set to something, there’s no changing it.

“I want to, trust me.” Spencer had started to roll his desk chair over to you. You sat there momentarily stunned for two reasons:

1. He had dropped everything to help you.

2. He wasn’t affected by the close proximity of you two the same way you were, or at least knew how to hide it really well.

The buzzing of your phone on your desk pulled you from your trance as Spencer settled next to you and went to pull a new file from your overgrowing pile. 

You picked it up to find a text from Luke, opening your phone to a picture of Roxy enjoying the toy you got her last week.

Spencer turned to you to find you smiling and letting out a breathy laugh at your phone.

“What?” He asked, more sarcasm dripping from his tone than expected. If you noticed, you didn’t say anything.

“Just Luke and Roxy. I love that dog so much,” you said while putting your phone on silent and setting it face down. You didn’t look up at Spencer, but if you did you’d find him beet red with anger, and holding the armrests of his chair a little tighter than necessary. 

“Hm,” was all he mumbled in response. This, you didn’t ignore.

“Is something wrong? You really don't have to do this with me,” you fumbled over your words, worried that your clumsiness and disorganization was what was annoying Spencer.

“No no, it’s not this. I like paperwork, actually.” You finally looked over at Spencer to find him already staring at you. His gaze bore into you like a blade to the gut, his intensity something you had never been on the receiving end of. It would be a lie if you were to say it wasn’t making you nervous.

“Then what is it.” Your words were not meant to come out as a whisper, but with Spencer’s intimidation and the way it made your stomach flip, you were overwhelmed already.

“Nothing, just, uh,” his confident persona was gone just as quickly as it came. “You and Luke, huh?”

Now it makes sense. You couldn’t help the small smile that etched across your features at his unknowing admission. Spencer Reid was jealous, actually jealous.

“Yeah, he’s a great friend.” Your emphasis on the word friend did not go unnoticed by Spencer, but he couldn’t stop himself from letting the words crawling up his throat out.

“I’m sure he thinks the same about you. The profile in this case fi-”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Two can play at this game, and if it was going to end the way the two of you were unknowingly both hoping, you would have to succumb to the rules.

“Hm? Oh! So you’re oblivious to the way he looks at you?” Spencer spat back, jealous intimidation turning to full anger now.

“Jesus, Spencer. Of course I’m not oblivious, but that doesn’t mean I look at him like that.” At this point, you stood up from your chair, Spencer’s approach throwing you off and getting you more worked up than you cared to admit.

“Besides, I have eyes for someone else,” you mumbled quietly under your breath, but Spencer caught it. “I’m calling the night. I suggest you do the same.”

You picked up as many files you could, not wanting to reach over Spencer before turning around to make you descent home.

Before you could get far, though, Spencer grabbed your elbow and spun you back to crash into his hard chest. You gasped, not making eye contact and instead opting for staring at his lips.

“Who?” Spencer asked, also not looking up from your lips. Both of your minds swarmed with the desperation to feel each other’s against your own.

“You.” And that was all he needed to finally succumb to his mind’s wishes. Your lips moved together like a violin bow to a string, creating a perfectly conducted symphony of files falling from your arms and deep inhales of each other.

Spencer reached out behind you, never taking his lips off yours and pushed anything that was on your desk with a deafening crash. Pens, papers and tape now littered the bullpen floor, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care when all you could feel were Spencer’s hands gripping your waist as he hoisted you up to sit you on your now clear desk.

His lips finally detached from yours, the need for oxygen getting in the way of a kiss you wish could last for eternity. They didn’t go very far, Spencer attacking your neck with little nips, surely to leave incriminating bruises. Your hips started to involuntarily roll forward, searching for friction from his hardening member still constrained by his work slacks.

“Spencer, please,” you begged, needing to feel him, all of him at this moment. His lips abandoned your neck to slowly pull back and scan your body like a predator indulging in his final prey one last time before he answered.

“Please what, Princess,” Spencer whispered, his hands moving down to grip your thighs that were attempting to squeeze together at your new pet name.

“Please, fuck me,” you whimpered back. His deep chuckle resonated through you as he leaned closer until he was directly next to your ear, his hot breath fanning down your neck causing you to arch your back slightly.

“Right here on your desk like a little whore,” he whispered against you, his lips grazing the shell of your ear. Spencer shook his head slightly as he pulled back to grab your chin lightly with two fingers, forcing your head back.

He leaned in as close as possible to whisper against your lips one last time. “Only for you.”

Time stopped as hands sped up in a frenzy to rip each other’s clothes off, lips molding together like a lock and key never wanting to separate, and hips involuntarily grinding against each other in search for some friction in an overwhelming search for release.

Only when Spencer gave up on your shirt buttons and ripped the fabric apart, adding drums in the form of buttons hitting the desk and floor to the song you two collectively decided to dance to tonight, did he allow his lips to leave yours. Slowly, he nipped his way back down your neck, pushing you back softly until your body fully rolled down on the cool wood underneath you. 

Spencer’s eyes found yours again as his hands inched behind you, silently asking for permission to break down yet another barrier between your two bodies. After a pleading whimper from you, he unclasped your bra and slowly pulled it down your arms. 

Spencer maintained eye contact as he wrapped his mouth around your nipple, swirling his tongue around the peak before sinking his teeth in teasingly. Your back arched into him, a strangled whimper leaving your body as the heat between your thighs increased significantly.

“Spencer please hurry. I need you,” you whimpered softly, pulling his hair back from the top of his head in hopes of getting him in an area far more dire in need of attention. 

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted this?” Spencer mumbles in between kisses inching back up your body. His hands make their way under your skirt as he continues. “I want to take my time with you, but given our circumstances,” he paused to take a look at the deserted bullpen. “I’ll give you what you want, and fuck you like a whore.”

There was no other way to explain the way Spencer ripped your panties off so hard the lace snapped under his force than animalistic. He wasted no time stuffing them into his back pocket, and fully separating from you to stand straight and unbuckle his belt. Spencer’s eyes stared down at you, taking in every part of your body to file away in his brain in case he ever needs it. His once honey brown orbs were now absorbed with black, his pupils full and his eyes displaying a kind of fire only lust can fuel.

Once his belt was fully off, he smirked and folded it in his hands. Staring at the new object of his desire, he tantalizingly shook it back and forth slowly, watching the way it bounced with his movements.

“Should I gag you with this so you don't alert the whole goddamn building of how desperate you are?” Spencer looked back at you to find your cheeks a deep shade of red, partially at his degrading tone, but mostly at the idea of being gagged.

“No, sir. I wanna feel you.” The title slipped past your lips with no control or hesitation. Your cheeks burned further as Spencer’s movements stopped, his eyes widening slightly. 

“Fuck it,” he whispered before throwing the belt on the floor and unzipping his pants with more speed than you've ever seen him move. 

Spencer gave you zero time to even register his size before he was stepping in between your legs, lining himself up and slamming into you to the hilt with one hand, the other grabbed a fistful of your hair, pulling back hard, all while never taking his eyes off you.

You couldn’t stop the loud gasp leaving your body as Spencer groaned at the feeling of you around him.

“God, you’re so fucking tight, Princess,” he grounded out, the soft growl in his tone causing you to whimper and clench around him.

When he felt you start to squirm underneath him after adjusting to his size, Spencer started to move, setting a brutal pace immediately. Your entire body felt like it became engulfed in flames, the feeling of Spencer repeatedly hitting the sweetest spot inside you over and over with a force unmatched was too much to handle.

Tears started to well in your eyes as the soft whimpers and pleads left your lips. Spencer pulled himself from his position tucked neatly into your neck to stare down at you, never relenting on his pace.

“What’s wrong, Princess,” he teased, a smirk growing across his features at your tears. “Is it too much for your little cunt? What happened to the girl that begged to be fucked like a whore?”

Spencer let go of his grip on your hair to wipe the tears blackened with mascara that were running down your face. 

“So good, sir. Please don’t stop,” you mumbled, only half coherent. The only thing you could focus on was the feeling of Spencer filling you completely. His dark eyes flickered down from your face only for a second, but when he looked back up at you, excitement joined the lust in them, a swirl of emotions destined to destroy you in the end.

Spencer grabbed one of your hands that was gripping his shoulder, nails digging into the skin and leaving marks he wished would last forever. He placed in on your stomach, and confusion filled your mind for a moment until you felt the tip of his cock hit your hand.

“You feel that, Princess? You feel how deep I am? I’m gonna fill you up.” Your back arched, and you finally released a loud, wanton moan at his words. Spencer didn’t miss the way you clenched around him tighter at the thought. “God, I’m gonna fill you up with my cum, make you - fuck- carry my child. Make sure everyone knows who you belong to.”

You felt the knot in your stomach growing tighter with each word, and when Spencer lifted one of your legs into the crook of his elbow, hitting you impossibly deeper, you knew you weren't going to last much longer.

“Oh G-god, Spence. I- I’m gonna....”

“It’s okay, Princess. I’ve got you,” he groaned back, lifting two fingers to your lips before forcing them into your mouth. Instinctively, you hollowed out your cheeks and sucked on his digits. “Let go, Princess.”

All you needed was his permission before letting your orgasm rock through you, the muscles in your body seemingly losing and gaining all the tension in the world at once, your vision going white, and your mind blank except for one thought; Spencer.

Your loud moans were blocked by his fingers pushing deeper down your throat, catching them before any unwanted guests could hear. 

Your moans started to turn to whimpers around his fingers as the overstimulation kicked in. Spencer could sense it by the way you still clung to him as tightly as possible.

“Fuck that’s it. You’re doing so well, Princess, taking all of me,” he growled out, his hips losing their rhythm, signaling his own impending orgasm. Spencer leaned down further, pushing your leg farther up in the process, and again, hitting you deeper than imaginable.

Two more sloppy thrusts in that position, and Spencer was coming deep in you with your name and different praises being groaned in your ear. He bottomed out once more, coming to a stop buried deep, both of you trying your hardest to catch your breath.

When he started to pull out, you whimpered immediately at the feeling.

“I know, sweetheart. I’m almost done,” Spencer whispered, caressing your cheek as he fully unsheathed himself. The abandoned weight of him on top of you, and the loss of his cock filling you up left you cold as he went to rummage through your drawers for tissues, but all you could do was stare up at the lights hanging from the ceiling, your body still slightly twitching.

When Spencer returned to you, he sat you up and kissed your forehead before reaching in between your legs to clean you up. The second the tissue hit your sensitive cunt, you winced.

Spencer looked back up at you but before he could say anything, you cut him off.

“It’s okay. I’m okay,” you reassured him, smiling softly as you reached up to caress his cheek. Upon your approval, he went back to cleaning you up. “Actually, I’m more than okay. That was.. That was-”

“Yeah,” he said, chuckling slightly and shaking his head. “I know, right?”

“Maybe we should thank Luke,” you teased him. Immediately, his smile faded and he looked up at you with an expression that can only read “Seriously?”

You let out a full laugh now, obviously still entertained with the idea that the Dr. Spencer Reid was jealous of Luke Alvez.

“I’m joking,” you said, your smile turning from one of hilarity to adoration as Spencer straightened back up to stand between your legs and wrap his arms around your waist. “And Spence, it’s always been you. Not Luke, not anyone else. You.” You emphasized your point by jabbing a finger into his chest.

“Good, because that would make this really awkward,” he said back. You tilted your head in confusion to which he laughed at before continuing. “Do you want to go grab dinner?”

Your cheeks blushed profusely as he asked you out as if you didn’t just let him take you over your own desk at work. 

“I would love to say yes, but I still have to finis-” When you turned around to look at the pile of paperwork you had yet to complete, it was no longer on your desk, but scattered around it. During the rush of trying to feel each other completely, the two of you failed to notice the stack of files that started this whole thing had fallen all over the bullpen floor.

“Emily is going to kill me,” you said, turning back to Spencer who was still staring at the now empty spot on your desk.

“Actually, she has two reasons to kill us now.” You threw you head back in laughter, Spencer joining you at the thought of Emily finding out about the last 30 minutes. “But seriously, you go deal with the security footage, and I’ll deal with the paperwork.”

“Hmmmm...” You pretended to ponder the thought of not having to do all of that paperwork by yourself anymore. “Deal.”

“Deal,” Spencer repeated back, smiling softly before kissing you one more time.

__

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[kohakuarisaka]

Untamed (chapter 1 of 5)

Takami Keigo x (fem!)Reader

[ SUMMARY ] Every year, without fail, Hawks went into a rut: when autumn began, and then again in early spring. He would honker down up north in a secluded cabin. For the first time, he brought you with him.

[ WARNINGS ] R18+ for graphic sexual content and language. Non-canon compliant: Hawks’ quirk does not work like this. Reader is a hero that works at Hawks agency. Pre-existing relationship. Reader is a female with female genitalia. Feral behavior. Rutting. Biting. Spanking. Slight BDSM. Consensual sex. Wing kink. Oral sex. Romantic relationship.

Chapter 1 • Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 • Chapter 5

[ My BNHA Fanfic Masterlist ] ~ [ Also on my AO3 ]

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Most people knew that animals were in tune with the changing seasons: migrations, sensing weather patterns, and the likes. Sometimes, that extended to people with animal-like mutations, too. For some, that meant being able to feel approaching rain. For others, that meant bodily changes in relation to the weather.

Every year, without fail, Hawks went into a rut: when autumn began, when cool air swept over and the trees began to turn gold and orange, and then again in early spring, when the snow began to melt, and the sun shined bright in midday, warming the air.

He owned a cabin in the north, secluded up on a hillside in the woods, where he would honker down for the week-long occurrence. It was much more tolerable alone, far from society, where his sensitive feathers could only pick up the sounds of his abode and the wildlife outside.

The cabin smelt like amber and pine trees. He always kept the fireplace stoked. The crackling created a soothing ambiance and it gave him a worthwhile distraction. As opposed to a traditional heater, the fireplace gave him something to focus on: something to worry over so he couldn't drown in his own thoughts.

Without fail, he would go to bed at the kiss of darkness, usually in a mess of blankets and pillows in front of the fireplace, on his front with his wings stretched out beside him. Then, he'd wake in the early morning hours and watch the sunrise as if he had never seen it once in his life.

As poetic as it all sounded, it was more so for the sake of soothing his urges than anything else, to calm the animal side of his brain that was irritated at the very obvious thing missing from this.

But, at the same time, Hawks enjoyed it, in some ways. As stressful as a rut was, there was something soothing about the experiences. For a week, he could let go of everything.

In this cabin, he wasn't pro hero Hawks, winged hero, number 2, or anything like that. In this cabin, he was just Takami Keigo, even less than that at times. When lost to his senses, barely processing a proper thought beyond the warmth of the fire and the smell of the trees, he was just a man.

That time was approaching.

He could feel it, prickling at the base of his wings. His teeth were aching subtly with the desire to bite. Every little sound was setting him on edge. He heard your voice down the hall and it made him flinch with a sort of excitement, as if he hadn't heard you in weeks, when it had only been a day.

He already had an acute sense of smell as it was; but, it was intensified during this time. One of the trainees had burnt coffee and it nearly made him throw up. One of the sidekicks was wearing an ordinary cologne that never bothered him before; but, that morning, when he walked by, the smell made him want to punch them.

When he became irritable like that, was when he knew, especially, that time was dwindling and he needed to leave before it apexed.

"I'm heading out in a couple days," Hawks explained hastily when you stepped into his office. "I'll be gone for a week."

His harsh tone made it sound as if you were intruding on him, and he could tell that you noticed because you halted in the doorway. You were, actually, intruding. He had paperwork he needed to get done before he left. But, that wasn't the only reason.

Your presence swarmed him with thoughts; mainly, that he could bring you with him, show you the cabin. Would you like it? Of course, Hawks knew it was a natural desire to have, considering his physiological changes; but, still, the intensity of that desire was nauseating.

"Oh," you blurted, feeling nervous in his heated gaze. You weren't new to that hypnotizing, gold stare; but, it seemed a little different than usual, more intense.

"Uhm. Okay," you continued. "Was it a mission? I didn't see any briefing?"

Hawks blinked and the heated expression dissipated as if you had slapped it off him.

"No," he replied softly. "No," he added on, a little more sincerely. "I'm... going up north for a week."

He wanted to lie to you; really, any sort of bullshit would have sufficed. You had stumbled into this relationship knowing that he couldn't always give you everything, including the truth. But, for some reason, the truth felt right in this moment.

"That's good," you replied, stepping into his office to set some papers on the corner of his desk, adding more to the already impressive pile.

"You could use a vacation," you added on, stepping back, away from his desk.

It was in his nature to be perceptive, both in the way his quirk operated and by the man he chose to be: a hero, a spy, an assassin. Yet, his eyes were watching you with a sort of intensity that felt fiercer than it normally was.

Your sincerity was what bothered him. It would have been easier to blow you off if you were irritated by his secrecy. However, you, who knew better than anyone, what he endured day in and day out, was just happy that he was getting a break from it all: from being a hero.

Most heroes had a life to go home to, a family, a place where they could take off the cape for a little while. Most of the time, Hawks didn't.

He had found some solace in you. You gave him the breaks he so desperately needed; but, it was never long enough, barely a night, before the visor went back on. It wasn't fair to you, a fellow hero, to be expected to carry such a burden; yet, you seemed happy at the thought of making him feel ease, if only for a little while.

"I'm sorry," Hawks apologized.

The startled look on your face told him what you were thinking: that there was nothing to apologize for.

You didn't know about this side of him, this aspect of his mutation. That behavior sometimes seeped through. He'd get a little possessive, touchy, mouthy; but, you passed them off as just kinks. Maybe, they were kinks, and he was just making excuses for himself.

"It's something I gotta take care," he explained, as if he was rejecting something you hadn't even asked.

"Ok?" you replied softly. "Whatever you need to do, Hawks?"

He smiled one of the most pathetic smiles you had ever seen.

"Is something wrong?" you asked, tilting your head a little, looking down at him, across his desk, to where he sat opposite to where you were standing.

"You don't have to tell me," you continued. "But, you never have to do anything alone, you know?"

"Ugh-" Hawks laughed nervously. "This, I think I do."

You stared back at him with a gentle gaze; yet, he could easily catch the bit of attitude in your eyes, like you wanted to call him out, but was holding back.

Yeah, he knew. He fucking knew. You had been there through some of the hardest battles, dragged him out of burning buildings, took bullets for him.

Your first kiss was in a hospital room.

His broken arm was slung up in a cast and poking painfully into your chest, and the bandages on your neck were itching at his skin. Still, neither complained. Not when you finally, finally had each other. Not when the truth came pouring out and almost a damn year of tension boiled over.

Barely a week had passed since that moment. You didn't give your broken bodies enough time to heal before crawling into bed together. He had made love to you, so softly, with gentle words and careful touches, before flipping you over and ramming you until you saw God, wings flapping and breaking things all over the room.

"It's not a mission, or any hero business," Hawks answered, scratching at his neck nervously.

Now, you were really concerned. 'Hawks' and 'nervous' were not usually uttered in the same sentence. He knew he shouldn't tell you; but, fuck it, he wanted to. It was especially difficult when you were looking at him like that, like you would do anything for him.

"Okay?" you uttered, as if ushering him to continue.

"It's... biological," he answered carefully.

Seemingly catching an unspoken queue, you closed the door to his office and leaned against it, staring at him with a calm, inquisitive gaze.

"My... mutation-" he began, breaking off in a groan.

He leaned back in his chair, dragging a hand across his face. That nervous look etched across his handsome face, was something of a spectacle, and you had to bite back a smile.

"I go into a rut twice a year," he explained hoarsely. "It's more tolerable somewhere secluded; so, I got a place up north where I tough it out."

Some feral, sick part of his brain wanted you to stupidly ask him what that was, so he could explain the insatiable desire to take you like there was no tomorrow. But, of course, you knew better than that, blinked slowly, and leaned back, a thoughtful look on your face.

"You do that alone every year?" you inquired.

"Huh?" Hawks blurted, not expecting that to be your concern.

"Is it better that way?" added on softly.

Hawks stared back at you with a stupid look on his face, eyes wide and lips parted, unblinking with the faintest tinge of pink coloring the tops of his ears.

Fuck no, it's not. He would love to have you there, to show you the home he's made over the years, to snuggle with you in front of the fireplace, to make you breakfast, to bend you over every god damned surface-

"Probably," he answered.

"Hawks," you scolded him gently.

He laughed quietly and adjusted his posture, trying to sit upright instead of slouching back in his chair. He ended up settling for placing his elbows on his desk.

"It's fine," he said reassuringly, waving his hand around. "It's like a posh camping trip."

"A high-strung posh camping trip," you corrected him softly.

Hawks stared back at you silently, as if he was mad that you saw through him so easily. 'High-strung' was a nice way of putting it. His ruts made him mean, irritable to an irrational degree, carelessly crude, and shamelessly possessive.

"Do you want..." you trailed off.

For all Hawks knew, you were going to say something completely different than what he was thinking; but, the mere thought of what you could offer had him at the edge of his seat.

"Would you want me there?" you asked.

Yes. Holy fucking shit, yes.

But, that wasn't what came out of his mouth.

"It's probably not a good idea," he protested softly.

You frowned at him, tilting your head a little, and tightened your arms where they were crossed over your front: a silent gesture telling him that you expected an explanation.

"I don't wanna hurt you," he explained, his normally calm and suave voice lowered. It was clear that this wasn't just caution or worry; this was a warning.

"How would you hurt me?" you dared to ask, voice soft, more so trying to soothe his worries than agitate the beast.

Hawks let out a short, self-deprecating laugh. "I don't know," he breathed. He looked away, and you watched him drag a hand through his hair, pushing wispy blonde bangs out of his face.

"I get really... worked up," Hawks continued, his warning tone still present. "Pissed off and horny and-... shit. Not like normal. I don't think right: it's consuming."

When he turned back to you, and saw that you still looked relaxed, eager to listen, to understand, Hawks' tense shoulders relaxed a little.

"I don't know what I would do to you, and that scares me," he warned in a low, harsh whisper. "The only thing I know is that, if you come with me, after you enter that cabin, I won't let you leave."

"Okay," you uttered back.

"What?" Hawks gawked. "Fucking hell - you realize what I just said, right?" he asked, clearly irritated at your casual response.

"Of course I do," you retorted sharply, snapping at him a little.

He released a sharp exhale through clenched teeth. "I don't think you fucking do," he growled. "I won't let you leave. I'll take you whenever I want. That's - you know what that is."

The word felt so heavy in his mouth, weighing down on his tongue, like he wanted to spit it out. It tasted awful, and it made him feel sick to his stomach.

You, surprisingly, glared at him like he had just insulted you. Maybe he had, in some way. Hawks rarely ever underestimated you; but, this wasn't a battle or heroism. This was raw, animal nature, him and you reduced to instincts.

Through his perspective, it was challenging his humanity, his love for you. But, through your perspective, it was an aspect of his nature, of something he was born with, that he couldn't stop or change; and you wanted to guide him through it, to be there when he needed you, regardless of the feral implications of it all.

"It's not rape if I want you, too," you snarled at him.

The glare he was wearing dissipated in an instant. Hawks gawked at you, stunned at the bold proclamation, his hands slipping limply off the edge of the desk and onto his lap. You watched his wings shutter faintly behind him before relaxing against his back, as if they were resisting the urge to fan out.

"You don't have to do it alone," you began softly.

"You don't-"

"Let me finish," you interrupted him gently.

Hawks obeyed, smacking his mouth shut. You doubted you would ever forget the expression he was wearing in that moment, gold eyes bright and shiny, staring at you almost in disbelief, with some awe and admiration.

"I know I don't have to," you continued. "I'm not offering out of some kind of obligation. I want to - to go through this with you. Hawks, I - I want to get to know this side of you, too."

He was, as you had come to know, a man of many faces. There was the silly, cocky hero he showed the masses, and the calculating, cold assassin he showed villains.

Those few who got close, heroes he trusted, knew he was kind and selfless, always willing to take the front lines, to risk it all. Behind closed doors, you knew he was charming and equally demanding as he was giving.

"If it's what you want, Hawks?" you added on softly.

Hawks blinked slowly. "Yeah," he exhaled heavily, like he had been holding his breath. "Fuck, I do. But, if I hurt you..." He trailed off, leaving the words unspoken, though the implication was obvious enough.

You fumbled nervously against the door, not because you were afraid of what he might do, but because you were surprised by your own emotions, by your lack of worry.

Maybe, it was just unwavering trust for the man who had been by your side for so long. Or, maybe, Hawks had managed to unlock some feral desires inside you that you never knew existed before him.

"Few months back, when you left so suddenly, it was for this, wasn't it? We were together then, but you didn't tell me," you uttered.

Hawks nodded, silently answering your question. It had come on so suddenly that he had no choice but to make a quick getaway, and let the planning fall on the wayside.

He at least made the time to tell you, albeit over a quick phone call, that he would be gone for a week and not to worry. You hadn't pressed him, figuring it was a sudden, unexpected mission.

"When you're in your rut, I - well, what am I to you?" you asked.

Shamelessly, Hawks recalled that he had thought of you, even before you came together. The beautiful woman whom he trusted with every fiber of his being, sometimes his sidekick, always his fellow hero, someone who had been there for him.

"My... mate," he answered quietly, as if he didn't want you to hear him.

Mate... not as eloquent as a lover and with a feral and obvious implication. Maybe, that should have been degrading, disgusting, being reduced to such a thing. But, it felt strangely tantalizing. As lewd as it might have sounded, mates were still equals, partners in love and war.

"You know..." you began, pausing briefly as you approached Hawks' desk.

His gold eyes followed you closely, looking up at you with a sort of softness that didn't quite fit with the conversation. But, if you were being honest with yourself, you liked it that way.

"-partner, lover, friend... You called me your 'personal pain in the ass' once," you said, laughing softly. "I... want to be your mate, too, Keigo."

You were careful about when and where you said his name: it was a sacred secret, something he trusted you with so dearly, so cautiously. But, sometimes, he really needed to hear it, especially when you needed him to know you were serious.

"-if you'll have me?" you added on quietly.

Rather suddenly, one of Hawks' feathers zipped across the room, wrapped around the door handle and flung it open.

You were so distracted by that flying plume that you almost didn't notice Hawks reach for the pile of papers, grab a few off the stack, and angle them at you.

Someone stepped into his office: one of the lawyers, by the look of their expensive suit. As they did, Hawks pulled the papers back and offered you a soft smile as he set them on the pile.

"Thanks. Is this all of them?" he asked, bright and cheery, a forced voice you were quite familiar with.

Somehow, you managed to catch up to him before you did something stupid. "I think so," you replied, matching his bubbly tone.

"Thanks," he chirped. "Oh, and your time off request has been approved, in case you missed the email?" he added on in a flawlessly professional tone.

You stepped away from his desk and carefully walked around the man, who had completely ignored you and was staring down Hawks like a starving, ravenous animal.

"Thanks, Hawks," you replied sweetly.

"Of course. Have fu-!" he cheered as you stepped out, barely cut off as the lawyer slammed the door as soon as you were out of range.

[andreafmn]

Collision - Chapter 1

Word Count: 3,434

Characters: Female Reader Uley Character, Sam Uley, Allison Uley, Charlie Swan, Bella Swan, Seth Clearwater, Billy Black, Jacob Black, Emily Young, Paul Lahote, Harry and Sue Clearwater, Leah Clearwater

Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life at it’s first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same. 

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Twilight, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Stephanie Meyer and Summit Entertainment. The only thing I own is Uley Reader insert, any upcoming characters, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ story line.

Chapter: 1/?

A/N: There’s no Cullen’s in the first chapter, we’ll see them soon though. Also, Esme is in the story but her and Carlisle are not together romantically. If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

Next->

Chapter 1

Going back home felt bizarre for (Y/N). It had been 4 years since she had moved away from the La Push Reservation on a scholarship to a prep boarding school in Seattle. Although students were expected to go back home during summer break, she spent her time in summer taking college classes or attending internships in the area, so going back didn’t fit into her plans.

But she had just graduated from high school and decided that taking a gap year could not hurt. Seeing her family wouldn’t be that bad either.

(Y/N) Uley had not reunited physically with Sam and Allison Uley since she left for school, only calling occasionally but always being to busy for anything else. The mother and son duo had grown accustomed to the short phone calls and vague emails they would receive from their studious family member. The Uley siblings used to be a very close pair, being only a year apart helped their bond. But since (Y/N) had invested all her energy into her high school career, their relationship rapidly dissipated; replaced by untold secrets and life-changing details.

The Uley girl had no idea what was in store when she went back home. She had left when she was 14 and was coming back an 18-year-old with a high school diploma and a bachelor’s degree. (Y/N) had always been an over achiever and applying to the school she had and taking dual enrollment was no surprise to her mother and brother.

The bus ride from Seattle to La Push lasted almost eight hours, so (Y/N) equipped herself with two books, plenty of snacks, and a fully charged iPod to handle the ride. She had gotten the earliest ride available always enjoying the intriguing mystery that 3 am travels brought. Her brown eyes surveyed the curious characters that voyaged alongside her a young woman sat with a sleeping baby in her arms, the dark circles under her eyes signaled the baby was still a newborn getting adapted to a sleep schedule; there was a middle-aged man, his eyes attached to a computer and a briefcase tight to his side; there were two teenagers, backpacks at their feet and shared headphones in between them. They were wearing light blue polo shirt and her school insignia embroidered on the left side of their shirt. She had seen them in passing, two freshmen still energetic and excited for their school life. She looked at them and smiled, remembering being in their shoes four years ago.

Four hours in, (Y/N) had finished one book, and the bus made its first stop in Port Angeles, the place where everyone that traveled with her got off. It wasn’t surprising to see from the top of her book as everyone got off, she didn’t recognize any of them from the reservation so it would have been surprising if any of them had stayed in the bus. For the next four hours, (Y/N) continued to read her second book surrounded by a comforting silence. The sun had risen about an hour ago and a nice warmth was streaming from the bus window and (Y/N) felt herself drift in bliss.

Her eyes fluttered open once again when she felt the bus finally rolling to a stop. She blinked a few times as she adjusted her vision to the bright midday sun and her brain restarted normal functions. The brunette gathered the bag with her travel companions and got up from the chair she had been glued to for eight hours.

“Have a good day,” the driver chimed as (Y/N) was walking down the bus.

“You too, drive safe!” The girl smiled and got her two suitcases out of the side of the bus.

(Y/N) got startled as she felt two arms wrap around her midriff and quickly swung her elbow back.

“Woah, woah, careful with those arms, (Y/N). It’s just me,” the girl turned around, a gleaming grin adorning her face.

“Sam!” She jumped onto the open arms of her older brother, seeing the years that had passed on his tired face.

“Look at you, darling. All grown up,” Allison Uley smiled, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“Mom, I’ve missed you.” (Y/N) hugged her mother tightly, noticing the difference in heights of her and her mother. Another thing she noticed was the strain between her mother and her brother. Before she left, they all had a very close relationship but now it felt like so many things had interlaced into their bond. “Let’s go home yeah?”

“I’m, actually I gotta go to my house,” Sam scratched the back of his neck.

“What house?” (Y/N) chuckled.

“I moved out, but I’ll come over for your welcome dinner.”

“Sam, she just came back. Don’t you wanna spend time with your sister?” Allison begged, wanting to have both of her children under the same roof again.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t, mom. Leave it.” Sam sighed. “I’ll see you at dinner, (Y/N).”

He kissed the top of his sister’s head and left. He wanted to tell them the whole truth, but he knew he couldn’t. Knowing that information would put them in a level of danger that he didn’t want them to be aware of.

(Y/N) stared at the retreating figure of his brother as he ran down the street, leaving her and their mother.

“What’s up with him?”

“Oh darling, if only I knew.” Allison sighed grabbing one of the suitcases her daughter had brought. “Let’s just head to the house so you can rest.”

“Yeah, let’s.” (Y/N) gave Allison a comforting smile and wheeled the second suitcase towards the truck.

The drive home was as short as she remembered, and the house hadn’t changed a bit. She walked up the steps to the porch and opened the old wooden door; it still made the same creaking sound. The house still smelled of seawater and pine, an odd mix but a comforting scent. (Y/N) regretted all the summers she missed here and all the days she spent away from her family.

She made her way up the stairs and entered the first door to the right. She ran her fingers through the stickers she had pasted on there when she was 13: a wolf, a rainbow, a heart, and a picture of her family. Her name still carved at the highest point of the door and she smiled at the memory of that. She sat atop Sam’s shoulder when she was just 12 years old, a trembling hand holding a pick as she carved as best as she could the name “(Y/N)”.

The doorknob as it was turned let out a squeaky groan and the door needed an extra push to open. The room had not changed at all. The walls were still painted a light green, the light switch still had the pink princess cover, the bedding had the little purple butterflies embroidered on them, and the pillows were all pink and purple. In a corner rested the five boxes (Y/N) had sent to the house from her dorm room.

“It hasn’t changed a bit,” (Y/N) commented as she felt her mother’s presence behind her.

“I didn’t want to change it until you came back,” Allison smiled. “But I’m sure you’d like to give this place a bit of a makeover.”

“Definitely,” she laughed. “I think I’ll go to Port Angeles this weekend, doing some shopping can’t hurt.”

“That’s true.” Allison side hugged her daughter as she laughed. She headed towards the door but stopped when she was called upon by her daughter.

“Hey, mom?”

“Yes, darling?”

“By any chance, do you know where Sam’s living?” Allison’s body stiffened but shared the information with her daughter. Maybe she could figure out why he’d just disappeared.

(Y/N) was surprised to hear he was living with a girl she barely knew. She knew of Emily Young through Leah Clearwater, but not much after that. Last thing she had heard Leah and Sam had been dating. She certainly had missed some very important pivotal points in her brother’s life.

The house wasn’t far, so she decided to walk there. Upon arrival she could feel the warm and inviting aura that the quaint house emanated. The blue door called to her as she knocked on it. It finally opened and revealed her brother.

“(Y/N), what’re you doing here?”

“I’m here to see my big brother. Is that such a crime?” She laughed.

“No, of course. Come in,” he smiled begrudgingly. “I don’t have much time so we gotta make this quick.”

“Wow, feeling the love there,” she chuckled passing through the doorframe.

“There’s just some things that I have to do before dinner tonight.”

“It’s okay, I get it. I just wanted to ask if you could help me on the weekend with my room. I’m bringing it four years into the present, gotta make sure it looks like an 18-year-old sleeps there.”

“Yeah, I’ll come over Sunday afternoon and help you then. Anything else you need?”

“Well, not exactly, but it wouldn’t help to catch up. You know make up for four years of chit chat conversations and get me up to date with at the happenings in your life.”

“There’s not much to say other than I moved out and I’m engaged.” He said nonchalantly.

“Excuse me?! You’re engaged and failed to mention that to me?”

“It’s not that big of a deal, (Y/N).”

“Yes, it is, Sam! You’re getting married and this is the first I’m ever hearing of this or the fact that you moved out or the fact that you’re engaged to your ex-girlfriend’s cousin. I think it is a big deal.”

“Okay, yeah. Kind of a long story on that one.”

“Enough time to tell it to me?” Sam hesitated. He could hear Emily’s truck approaching and two male voices coming back from patrol. He needed to get (Y/N) out of the house before they got here.

“Maybe another time. I’ll call you on Sunday, yeah?” Sam asked as he nudged his sister out of his house.

“I guess.” (Y/N) mumbled as she was pushed out the front door. “Bye.”

“See ya.” Sam kissed the side of her head and closed the door.

(Y/N) left the house with more questions about her brother that she had begun with but didn’t want to press on. There was no use if he wasn’t going to talk, so she walked back home.

Her mother had gone out, possibly grocery shopping for tonight’s dinner, giving (Y/N) time to catch up on some much-needed sleep. She walked up the stairs and into her room, plopping down on the bed not caring how she landed. All she wanted was to close her eyes and rest.

By six in the afternoon her eyes fluttered open once again. She could smell the dinner her mother had been cooking. The room had darkened as the sun was going down and thankfully her mother had turned on a lamp for (Y/N) to have some vision. The girl got up from bed and grabbed some clothes from her suitcase to take a quick shower before dinner. She stripped all her clothes off and let the water wash away all the hours of the day. As soon as the water started turning cold, she shut it off and got out.

For a second, (Y/N) stopped and stared at herself in the mirror above the sink. She barely recognized the girl staring back. The bags under her eyes were deeper than the last time she had seen herself in this specific mirror, her cheekbones were more defined than before, her skin paler than usual since she hadn’t really seen the sun in a while.

It didn’t take her long to change into some new clothes and head downstairs, where she saw her mother on the phone. Disappointment evident in her eyes.

“Sam, it’s your sister… please… ok, fine. Just don’t flake on her on Sunday,” Allison sighed, turning off her phone and slamming it on the counter.

“Everything okay, mom?”

“Oh, yeah, darling. Your brother won’t be able to join us, but Billy and Jacob, and the Clearwaters are on their way, and I also invited Charlie and Bella Swan. I hope you don’t mind that they join in.”

“No, I don’t mind. What about Paul?”

“You know I’ve never liked that boy, honey.” (Y/N) stared at her mother. Refusing to continue the conversation until Allison answered the question. “I did invite him, but he couldn’t come.”

“I love seeing you make an effort,” (Y/N) laughed and kissed her mother on the cheek. “I’ll set the table.”

“Thank you, darling.”

(Y/N) grabbed the 10 plates needed for the night and the respective cutlery. She still remembered how her mother liked the table arranged and set it as such. She set the vase filled with fresh flowers in the middle of the table, leaving space on the sides for the dinner platters. The arrival of the guests was soon after. (Y/N) had grown alongside Jacob and Leah, and on the summers, she would spend her times with the Swan girl. Once Seth was born, he became very close with the Uley girl.

“My oh my, (Y/N), how you’ve grown.” Billy Black grabbed Uley’s hand and smiled up at her, with the warmness that summer brought.

“Indeed, I have, and you haven’t aged a day in four years. What’s your secret?”

“It’s in the genes,” he laughed alongside the young girl. She’d always been a charmer, he thought “You remember my boy, Jacob, right?”

“How could I ever forget? Hey, Jake!”

“How you’ve been, (Y/N)?” Jacob approached his friend and wrapped her in a hug. “Been an awful long time.”

“Four years, that’s not much,” she smiled. “Come in.”

The father and son duo entered the house, and next came the Clearwaters. Harry, Sue, and Seth. No Leah. They had always been close to the Uleys, a bit of divide coming after the rupture between the eldest offspring of each family.

“Oh, wow, where has the time gone?” Sue commented, greeting the girl with a tight hug.

“4 years really do go by quick, don’t they?”

“They sure do, Harry.” (Y/N) smiled, motioning the couple in.

Finally, Seth walked in and engulfed (Y/N) in a tight hug. The girl was 5 years his elder, but he considered her one of his best friends. Seth and Paul were the only two people (Y/N) kept in close contact other than her family. For some time, Paul and (Y/N) had drifted apart but Seth always sent his monthly excited letters, updating her on what he had been up to.

“I missed you, (Y/N)!” Little Seth spoke into a bundle of brunette hair.

“I missed you too, Seth.” She smiled as he walked past her, joining his parents.

The last to enter were Sheriff Swan and Bella. The cop smiled at the girl and gave her a quick hug, commenting on how much she had grown, a low chuckle leaving his throat. Bella entered with hunched shoulders, possibly not wanting to be there but she still smiled at her old friend. Vague memories filled the girls’ heads of summer play dates and days at the beach.

“It’s been quite some time, huh?” Bella muttered.

“It sure has. It’s great to see you again,” (Y/N) smiled. “How have you liked Forks now that you’re back full time. Still hating cold weather?”

“Yeah,” the pale girl chuckled. “But it has its better days.”

The girls joined in a quick giggled before joining the rest of the group at the dinner table. Allison had already set the table and had said her hellos to the group.

The three males had engaged in sports conversations and the teens were all huddled in the kitchen munching on cheese and crackers and engaging in small chit chat.

“So, (Y/N), 18 and already a degree, how does that feel?” Jacob asked, stuffing his mouth with cheese and ham.

“Well, as good as it can be. Don’t know exactly what I’m gonna do now. All I know is that I’m taking a year off and taking a breather for the first time.” (Y/N) chuckled.

“I just can’t believe you’d spend all this time going to school, twice as much. I don’t like school at all,” Seth chimed in, picking apart the cheese and filling his mouth.

“So, you spent these past four years studying, including your summers?” Bella added.

“That’s correct,” (Y/N) smiled. “And now I have a degree and nothing to do with it.”

The group chuckled and moved towards the adults as they were being called to dinner. In the center of the table was a big platter of spaghetti and meatballs, (Y/N)’s favorite food, a tray of toasted garlic bread, and a bowl of a colorful mix of spring salad.

(Y/N) always enjoyed her mother’s cooking. Even on her saddest days, Allison’s cooking could warm her heart at any time. She and her mother had a very close relationship, even after four years of distance. Since her father left early in her life, her mother had always tried her hardest to make sure both her children were loved and cared for. And she stayed wondering where she had gone wrong with Sam and hoping (Y/N) didn’t stray away as her eldest had.

The dinner group had all taken their seats at the dinner table and were passing around the various platters, serving themselves their desired portions. Jacob and Seth were overfilling their plates, receiving a laugh from their respective parents. Charlie, Harry, and Billy were filling their plates with more protein than carbohydrates and the moms at the table smiled at the males engulfing the meatballs. (Y/N) looked around the table and smiled. It had been a long time since she had sat down with the important people in her life and was relaxed, even if two of them were missing.

After everyone was served, everything went almost quiet. Some background music could be heard from the living room and the sound of forks hitting plates and mouths chewing filled the environment. Everyone was comfortable with the silence, but there was still one question in everyone’s mind.

“Where’s Sam?” Seth spoke up, voicing everyone’s question. The whole table paused in action and Seth felt like a deer caught in the headlights. Sue softly elbowed her son. “What?”

“It’s okay, Sue,” (Y/N) smiled. “He couldn’t be here, bud.”

“Maybe he was feeling bad, like Leah.” He added earning a burning stare from both his parents.

“Maybe, Seth.”

“I just wanna apologize for our daughter missing this dinner. I know she really wanted to see you, (Y/N).”

“Oh, Harry, it’s really no problem. I’m sure I’ll catch up with her soon enough.” (Y/N) smiled trying to ease the tension felt in the room. She could see her mother gripping her fork tightly as she kept her head down. “But I would also like to apologize on behalf of Sam, I know he wanted to be here.”

Everyone simply nodded and went back to their plates. The rest of the evening was enjoyable. No one mentioned the pair that was missing, and (Y/N)’s past four years were questioned in depth. She had an answer for everything except “What are you gonna do now?”

She didn’t know and that’s what she answered. She mentioned she wanted to study medicine, having finished a degree in biology and always loved taking care of other people. Sue was excited, being a nurse herself. But (Y/N) had landed at a standstill in terms of her life and career. A vast portion of her life had been defined as a student and now that this part was over, she didn’t know who she was.  

The dinner festivities were over soon thereafter, leaving Allison and (Y/N) to clean up after the group. The Uley pair put everything away in silence, exhausted from the eventful day. (Y/N) could see as her mother wiped away a few stray tears, sniffling behind her hair. The girl knew better than to bring the topic back up and left her mother with a kiss on the temple and a good night.

Upstairs, (Y/N) prepared herself for bed. The event had drained nay energy still left in her and she plopped down on the bed with a small thud. She had prepared her clothes for the next day, knowing her energy would also be drained but still excited to have this change. Her eyes fluttered close as she heard in the distance her mother’s quiet footsteps on the staircase, darkness overtaking her.

Next->

A/N: if you wish to be tagged for the next parts, please let me know. I’d be happy to. <3