#I very clearly pictured my future with this person but now I have to choose the unpromising unknown ahead of me

[kingtonberry]

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[mylifestylearedilfs]

⇢ ˗ˏˋ joost klein x tinder date!reader ࿐ྂ

ੈ✩‧₊˚ OCEAN EYES : mention of sex (but no smut) fluff ; use of alcohol ; imagine ; all is fictional ; english is not my first language

(part two)

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_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ CREATING AN ACCOUNT on tinder wasn’t on your to do list, but after another failed attempt on meet your future ‘husband’ in real life, you decided to seek luck at this app. after choosing your best pictures, you set your profile with hope that you wouldn’t have to text with all of those weirdos that probably were on this site, asking themselves why i don’t have girlfriend?

you honestly couldn’t understand people (mostly the whole alfa men) on this kind of platforms, where they acted like they’re better than everyone else, but in reality they wouldn’t even say ‘hi’ to you. also what’s the point of having a dating app, if you can’t even properly ask the other person to date. you personally hated texting, it was the worst way to communicate, because you weren’t able to show your emotions clearly and it was easier to misunderstand the intentions.

you tried to ignore all suspicious looking people, but you lose hope, when even people your type were weird or impolite towards you. you were close to just delete app and forget about everything that happened. but then you received some kind of ‘super like’ from very good looking blonde man, the first thing that caught your attention was his bright blue eyes. how ironic, you thought. blonde hair and blue eyes, if he were a girl, he definitely would be miss universe. but god knew that he would be too powerful if he was a woman.

before you even checked his profile, you saw that he already messaged you. he already had big plus, because it was usually you who needed to start a conversation.

‘you & me, beer in an hour?’ okay, he definitely was really straightforward but you couldn’t tell that you didn’t liked it.

‘okay’

it was an irresponsible decision, but you couldn’t care less right now. you were truly tried of the endless conversations about nothing, you needed some adrenaline in your life. and even if it turn out that he’s a murderer, you will have an interesting story to tell your future kids — of course if you will survive in that scenario.

, , ,

it was almost twenty minutes after the set time, but you still waited like a fool, because you were curious if you were just scammed at this point. when your second cigarette started to slowly gutter out, you checked your phone to see if he tried to inform you about his lateness, but as you thought — nothing. you were honestly irritated that you couldn’t met a proper guy, not even for a relationship but just good sex, apparently you just missed to have someone close, in physical and mental way.

fuck it. you said to yourself and deleted this stupid dating app, right after you did that, you heard someone’s calling your name. before you turned around, you throw out a cigarette.

“i get it that i’m late, but you don’t have to ignore me” you saw the blonde guy in front of you, with two bottles of wine in his hands and two beer cans in his jeans pockets.

“so your real miss universe, nice to meet you” you said with a bit of irony in your voice, and he just laughed, giving you bootle of alcohol.

“or maybe i’m just in your imagination, guess we will never know” he said with smile, and you realised that he loved to laugh a lot, but honestly that was exactly what you needed now. some positive energy. “but now let’s go, shall we?”

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at first it was supposed to be quick meeting to get each other better and then probably forget about the existence of each other. but to your surprise it turned out that you were sitting in some sketchy looking place with joost for almost four hours already, and the fun only began.

you couldn’t believe that your perfect type of person was right in front of you and he was interested in you, which was the most unbelievable part. he was the first person that could make you laugh only by saying something random, or maybe it was because you were under the influence of weed, that you just smoked. either way his ability to turn every little thing into a joke was hilarious and you simply loved it.

suddenly you both became silent, but it wasn’t uncomfortable for you, which was also something new. all you could hear was the sound of wind and some other birds but you decided to interrupt the silence.

“you want to come to my place?” you said without thinking twice, well. . . let’s be honest your brain wasn’t working at all at the moment.

“to do what?” he looked at you with his typical smirk, sipping his beer.

“obviously to play monopoly” you said sarcastically, but underneath you had a little smile. “i want you to fuck me” you added and he seemed to be taken aback with your directness, as he watched you getting up.

“so you’re coming or i will need to please myself on my own?” you said, walking slowly in the direction of your house.

“you don’t need to tell me twice” he quickly said and you just chuckled as you felt his hands on your waist.

that was a great match, for sure.

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⇢ ˗ˏˋ thank you for attention! hope you liked it!

[kassiekole22]

You're Beautiful

Picture edited by me.

Pairing: Josh Washington x Fem!Reader Description: You reflect on the time when you finally decided were forced to tell your long-time crush — Josh Washington — how you feel. Warnings: Fluff, Friends To Lovers, Pining, A Lot Of Angst Towards The End. Word Count: 1.6k A/N: Fic #2 of the Until Dawn Poll Fic Challenge! Also, this is technically my very first Wendigo!Josh fic! It was pretty fun to write, so expect more in the future. 🤭 Until then, I hope you enjoy this one! 🖤 Josh's MasterList: 🖤 Main MasterList: 🖤 Kassie's Angels: @lorebite, @mornandil, @koexchange, @yesitsloulou, @mistmoose, @jasonexo, @fortune-fool02, @raven-the-cryptid, and @imahyperfixatedbitch. (If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know in the comments! 🖤)

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"Truth or dare?"

I sat awkwardly in silence as the whole group stared at me with anticipation clear on their faces. I didn't know how I got roped into that stupid party game; it was more for twelve-year-olds than a bunch of people in their late teens.

But there I sat, contemplating my answer as my friends stared at me with a hungry look in their eyes as they waited for me to make a decision. If it had been anybody else, it would have been an easy answer: truth. But this wasn't anybody — this was Jess.

A few people knew about my crush on Josh: Hannah, Beth, Sam, Chris and even Jess too — though I knew that the others would keep their mouths shut until I was ready to express my feelings to him, I also knew that Jess was different. Now I'm not saying that having a friend with a bold and forward personality is a bad thing, but sometimes it can come with a price — and that price was my dignity.

Now don't get me wrong, it's not that I thought Jess would outright tell Josh about my crush — she was smarter than that. I knew for a fact that she would wait and leave me in a situation where I would have to tell him. And tonight was most likely going to be that night.

"Well — truth or dare, (Y/N)?" Jess asked again with a huge smirk growing on her face. The devilish and mischievous look in her eyes didn't help my nerves either. "You have to choose one."

Without giving it a second of thought and panicking due to all the impatient eyes staring me down, I blurted out a word that I knew I'd regret saying fast: "Dare!"

All the eyes widened in the room due to my bold answer, even Jess'. It seemed like nobody expected me to choose dare, since I was always the "play it safe" type of girl. But as fast as that shocked expression etched into Jess' features, a new and more sinister smirk grew.

"Ok." She sang angelicly as a new, and very fake innocence filtered through her voice. "I dare you to..."

I knew damn well that she was only dragging this out to add to the anticipation, because it was clear in her eyes that she already knew her answer. Her eyes burned holes in mine, as her smirk broadened with much excitement.

"Kiss the most beautiful person in the room!"

I nearly choked on my own spit as her words met my ears. Everybody began whispering and looking to see everyone else's expressions, which didn't help the matter. I had told Jess hundreds of times just how beautiful I found Josh to be, so she clearly knew what she was up to.

I glared her down as if I was trying to kill her with my mind, while she merely bit her bottom lip to repress a laugh. I looked around the room to see the ones who knew looking sorry and scared for me, while Emily seemed more focused on her nails than anything, and then Mike seemed almost ready for me to come to him with puckered lips. And then there was Josh, sitting there with a big smile on his face; it was obvious that he was oblivious of the situation.

I heaved a deep and defeated sigh before standing up, passing a very horned-up Mike, and shyly approached the guy I had wanted for so long. He stared up at me with a sweet smile on his face and a look of innocence in his eyes, which was weird for the dirty-minded fucker we all knew he was.

After inhaling and exhaling deeply one more time — almost as if to gain some sort of confidence I knew I wouldn't obtain by one more deep breath — I leaned down in front of him, and gently placed my lips against his own.

The room filled with audible gasps and more whispers, but none of it mattered or seemed incoherent in my now intoxicated mind. I melted into the kiss as my nerves seemed to die down, not giving a damn about what the others were saying or thinking. And to my surprise, he leaned into the kiss as well, seemingly enjoying it as his arms snaked around my form to hold me close. After what felt like an eternity, I pulled back to meet the gaze of a very flustered Josh. I couldn't help but smile at how his eyes were blown wide and his face was as red as a tomato; it was cute, though I knew his face most likely mirrored my own.

I chose that exact moment to lean in again, until my lips were just barely brushing his ear.

"You're the most beautiful man I have ever seen." I whispered softly, so no other could hear my intimate thoughts that were only meant to be heard by the one who meant to most to me.

My heart was pounding — not only from the adrenaline from what I just did, but from the amount of love I felt for him and the excitement I felt, knowing that this may be the start to a future together — a future that would change our lives for the better forever. I couldn't stop smiling, since the amount of happiness I felt couldn't compare to anything I had ever felt before. I knew at that moment that from that day on, things were only going to get better.

That feels like so long ago now...

Now I sit in a hospital room, eagerly waiting for the doctor to give us any kind of news. The only sounds I hear are my heart beat ringing in my ears — no longer due to the happiness I felt two years prior — the sounds of doctors and nurses rushing by to save lives, and the soft cries of Josh's mother as her husband holds her close. I can't stand it — it hurts too much, sitting here while completely powerless. The fear and heartbreak I feel is like nothing I've ever felt before, and I know there is a strong chance that it could only get worse.

I have been going to the hospital every day for two weeks, repeating the same routine as I wait for answers — but barely anything ever comes. So for the time being, I watch the clock intensely, counting the seconds as they tick by — insync with my heartbeat and only making it all the more noticeable. On one hand, I'm happy that Josh is still alive; but just knowing a tiny bit of information about his condition makes it hard to feel any bit of joy. I just want my baby to be ok.

After what felt like a lifetime of waiting, the doctor finally comes out and delivers the news. I'm surprised to learn that he is finally becoming himself again, and asked for one person to come see him: me.

The doctor leads me to a darkened room, and warns me to keep my distance. Apparently, just because Josh is slowly gaining his humanity back, doesn't mean his wild side has gone completely. So I have to be careful and cautious. I enter the room alone, though I know there are cameras on me, watching my every move.

The doctor told me that the only reason the light has been so restricted, is because of the sensitivity of Josh's eyes. Spending two and a half weeks in the pure darkness of the mine weakened his irises and pupils, causing the color to drain from them almost completely and leaving him almost blind. If he is in any type of lighting at this time, it would be equivalent to having his eyes on fire. So for this reason, the room must remain as dark as possible.

There was only a was only a very dull light shining over his bed, provided for seeing purposes for doctors and visitors. And thanks to that little bit of light, I can see enough to move around. And after a few slow and hesitant steps, I approach a bed.

Tears fill my eyes as I stare down at his weakened form; he barely looks like himself anymore. His left cheek is torn, his teeth are sharp and he's the most pale I have ever seen him look. I can't help but notice all the cuts all over his face and arms as well, and I shudder at the fact that I know exactly what did it. It breaks my heart to see his limbs strapped down to the bed, as if he was some sort of psychopath. Though what Josh did would seem pretty psychotic to a stranger's eye, I know in my heart that he isn't — he is just in pain and needs others to feel what he's feeling.

After a few minutes of quiet investing on my part, Josh slowly turns his head in my direction and opens his eyes. He gazes up at me with a look of sorrow and remorse — as if he's telling me he's sorry with his now pale orbs. I take his hand in my own, quickly noticing the sharp claws replacing his nails. Just as I look down at them in shock, he let's out a mournful sob.

"I-I'm- I'm- a-a-a m-monster-r..." His voice comes out so raspy and coarse, that I nearly don't recognize it. But the sorrow and pain in his tone is strong enough to tell me that he needs me more than ever.

I lean down and place a very gentle kiss to his bruised forehead, before whispering ever so softly, "You're still the most beautiful man I've ever seen."

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[moreespressoformydepresso]

knock knock ⭐ losing battle plssss

(future me adding this later because I want people to see this without reading this whole mess: In The Losing Battle, Lamina loves Treech while Tanner loves the idea of Treech. Explanation is at the end of the post below)

Omg okay there is so much I could and want to talk about but I'd be writing several essays so I'll try to keep this contained to one thing. If anyone else is interested I'll ramble about the other stuff because there is so much that I haven't put into text yet or have kept vague/implied so far (IE what exactly happened between Treech and Vipsania during the interviews and dynamics between characters that are neither Treech nor Lamina). A lot of it is due to perspective restraints, because I love me an unreliable narrator to the point where I've never written anything that didn't contain it to some degree but it does make it difficult to fully get across what the character thinks vs what's actually happening around them. There's a lot of smaller inaccuracies in their perception of reality that I don't see anyone mentioning (though to be fair not many people talk to me about the fic) so I don't know if anyone caught them or not. A shame, really, because I've put a stupid amount of thought into them.

Also, there's just so much to say about all my fics but especially this one! I could talk about all the different motivations of characters who aren't very present or the tensions building in the background or the deep explanations of why characters do what they do that TreeMina isn't self-aware or present enough for to realize or I could talk about how this whole fic's basic premise is the soul-crushing reality that major, world-shattering changes on a personal level barely have any impact on the bigger picture until decades in the future but I'll pick just one. Oohh this is gonna be difficult I just really want to type whatever comes to mind but I can't. But! That's enough useless introductory words. Onto the unhinged ramblings of a mad entity!

The mini LumberHouse subplot! Otherwise known as why Tanner really doesn't like Lamina in this fic, even if it isn't that apparent due to how small his role is in the story.

I'm choosing Tanner because I have a lot to say about him, but unlike the main duo or Vipsania and Pup, Tanner isn't gonna get a big spotlight chapter as it stands right now. Maybe as a mini spin off one-shot but I'm not planning on it. Vip and Pup will get more focus later, especially once Treech and Lamina are out of the arena, but Tanner just doesn't have enough impact on the story to get that. Which is the intention here.

My basic idea for Tanner is that he's someone who very clearly has his own life and complicated emotions during the games, with pain and drama and the whole shebang, but it all happens in the background. You can get a good idea of his struggles if you pay attention but it's just as easy to read past and not even notice, because he's not a main character. He's my representation for the way all these kids had their own stories that could just have easily been the one you were reading, but you aren't. So you only get glimpses whenever one of the actual main characters is close enough to take note. Most of his story is implied, with enough room for other people to have different interpretations than what I intended. The timeline in my head for the Tanner/Treech arc of Tanner's life is as follows:

Tanner didn't even really notice Treech before the arena bombing. Sure, he enjoyed the singing and he knew his name, but at most he really noticed him due to his proximity to Lamina, who Tanner tended to pay attention to due to her crying. Then Treech had the balls to turn Coral's offer down during the bombing. and Tanner really started to see Treech. The way he shared all of his food, the small ways in which he showed kindness, the way his face lit up so prettily when he smiled. Tanner became intrigued, but only ever from a distance. With dawning horror he realizes he's developed a crush on a boy he'll be forced to kill in a matter of days, and he can't even go and talk to him. When they meet up in the arena, it's no accident. Tanner deliberately snuck away from Coral and Mizzen to see if he could catch a glimpse of Treech and possibly even talk to him, if only to give himself some closure. When he finds Treech with Dill, his feelings deepen, but when he hears Lamina calling for him... When he sees the way those two interact, he knows he's lost. He lost before he even began.

See, Tanner dislikes Lamina, but it's not for anything she's done. It's because she has what he wants to have: A connection with Treech. She's had years to get to know him and spend time with him, and Tanner didn't even get an hour. Now, he's not stupid, Tanner knows that he and Treech were never gonna be a thing because no shit, one of them is gonna have to die here, but it doesn't lessen the jealousy. It doesn't erase the what-ifs and the might-have-beens. And unlike Lamina, Tanner doesn't get to spend his last few days with someone he cares about. Brandy's gone and Treech is at the top of his alliance's blacklist. Whether he lives or dies, he'll have spent these days as good as alone.

The biggest difference between Tanner and Lamina that made TreeMina endgame instead of LumberHouse is that Tanner has a crush where Lamina is in love. One of the most painful things for Tanner is that he knows he could've loved Treech if he'd had the time, and maybe it could have been mutual, but they don't. Lamina did have that time, and over the years she and Treech fell in love far past a simple crush. Basically, Lamina is scared of losing what she has where Tanner laments what might have been if things were just a little different. Tanner doesn't actually know Treech, they've barely spoken to each other, and while he has a good grasp of who Treech is due to what he's seen so far, he's only seen bits and pieces of his person. Therefore, he can't really love Treech. He has a crush on him, and he loves the idea of Treech he has in his head based on what he's observed. How accurate that image of him is, is a whole different question. Lamina, meanwhile, has had years to get to know him. She and Treech have shared many vulnerable, personal moments together and their bond has grown incredibly strong over the years. Not even betrayal could fully break it. Lamina truly loves Treech, because she knows him better than anyone else. From his strengths to his biggest flaws, she's seen them all and she loves him for it.

Lamina gets to stay with Treech because she knows him in ways Tanner will never get the chance to, and he hates her for it.

[knine-nights]

Genloss Theory 10

So. Is c!Ranboo going to be revived?

It’s something I’ve seen mentioned here and there. Some people talk about how Showfall wouldn’t just let him die, that they’d revive him.

Ignoring the fact that cc!Ranboo was clear that he isn’t going to be the “protagonist” for future generations (which somewhat implies he isn’t getting revived), what does the in universe lore suggest?

Honestly, I do think Showfall was “letting” him die.

First, as I’ve mentioned before (in Theory 5), the mask that Ranboo wears is literally sewn into his face (as shown in canon pictures from the Twitter account) and in the last scene, Ranboo’s mask is damaged. I have my own vague theory as to why, but it’s undeniable that it is heavily damaged. Which would be very difficult to fix.

Apart from that, there’s the fact that Showfall clearly doesn’t have qualms around permanent death for its actors. Based on the shrine in Episode 3, the Puzzler is completely dead, not going to be revived. And it’s not entirely clear what the deal is with Frank but it’s shown, based on a poster found on a wall when Ranboo is searching the Showfall offices in Episode 3, that Frank was a real human who is now dead.

So, why would Showfall let Ranboo die? They clearly found him profitable. He was, after all, a pretty damn good Hero and he did get a lot of viewers to tune in.

The way the show is framed is that his death is an act of mercy. That’s how c!Ranboo sees it by the end. He’s literally asking for us to let him die and just as the box closes he says “thank you”.

But that’s a side theory I’ll explore later.

So why then?

I think Showfall is trying to scare the audience. To prove to us that they have more power than us. We may be the ones choosing the key or the person on the carousel to save in Episode 2, we may even be the ones voting on Ranboo’s life, but they’re the ones with true control. They decide what happens if he lives and they decide if he stays dead.

We didn’t really know the Puzzler long enough and closely enough to be too attached. We definitely knew Ranboo enough. So Showfall is showing us that they have control here, they’re giving us the options.

More Theories

[sirenjose]

Missing Player-ID: 157716441

Plot Analysis Part 2

Main Story: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Hidden Story: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Plot Analysis: Part 1

Puzzle Solver Analysis

The mother, Qin Yiying was another person affected by Liu Bingsen and his organization. She was likely “Patient X” from the BPRS document, the patient that remained “calm”. She was the author of a document dated September 9th 2005, where she talks about “good news” that there’s been no new “suspicious behavior”, as well as maintaining a “peaceful” appearance for the sake of their daughter, and forgetting the past and what she saw if it “doesn’t continue”. The “suspicious behavior” is in reference to the truth of Liu Bingsen’s actions.

“September 9th 2005 Today is the tenth anniversary. It should have been a very happy moment, but I couldn’t be happy. Looking back 10 years ago, in the church, we swore an oath in front of the pastor. Our friends, like us, have happiness and joy on their faces. When I say ‘I do’ I feel that the future is full of beauty. But I didn’t expect to become like this today. I really don’t want to believe it. I am very conflicted, but whenever I think of the situation at the time, I still hold up hope. The good news is that there have been no new suspicious behaviors in a year. For the sake of our daughter, I’ll maintain the appearance of peace and choose to forget what I saw before and to never reveal it, as long as it doesn’t continue. I am still willing to hold out hope.”

We know based on the December 9th 2009 document, as well as Research Fragment 6, that Qin Yiying eventually did learn the truth about what Liu Bingsen was actually doing. This ties with how, when the Detective asked the mother if she loved her husband, she avoided giving a straight answer and couldn’t say she actually did.

Going back to the December 9th 2009 document, Qin Yiying commented on not being a “helpless child” anymore and wanting “revenge”/“just punishment”. We also talked about her nightmare and Liu Bingsen seeing his father’s face mirrored in her eyes. To understand everything, it’s time now to talk about Qin Yiying’s past. ***** gave the most telling info on her in his “About Her” file and in the document dated September 9th 1992.

“About her: The daughter of a lost parent, many hardships, inescapable misfortune, life is ups and downs. Hatred and patience, struggle and submission, although there was little hope, she was fortunate to escape. I wanted to live in peace and heal my wounds, I want to leave my past behind. But then the shadows appear and crisis awaits, she escaped the wolf’s den, into the tiger’s mouth. Fortunately, a secret love was born, and the butcher’s knife was temporarily withdrawn. The knot is tied, and they are joined together. 15 years of different dreams in the same bed. There are many lies, disguises, and plans.  The world is easy to change, but it’s hard to change one’s nature: a great deal of trust, in exchange for 100% sorrow. When the truth is revealed, all hope is lost, only by killing the sinners can we be saved. The wheel of fortune spins relentlessly, the remaining treasures also turn into clouds of smoke. Now, a broken soul. I’ll leave it to you to interrupt her slumber.”

“September 9th 1992 The man I've never met always gives me a glimpse of fantasy when I'm vulnerable. What does he look like, do I look like him? My mother might have kept a picture of him, but it was so long ago that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t dig into my memory to find out what he looked like. Was he a gentle man? I still remember my mother describing their story to me with great emotion, but I can’t remember exactly what she told me. Although I had never met him, I could feel the happiness in her words - if one had seen the story of the man and could not remember what was said, one could clearly perceive the happiness. Such a person must be gentle. If I could meet him, what should I tell him? I should tell him what happened to my mother ...... and tell him that she was wronged in his absence. I feel for her. As for me ...... I’d rather not let him have too many worries. He’s a hero to his country and a hero to my mother. He’s already too tired. And… I’ve found a way to reconcile with myself in the dark basement(?). They gave me companionship and encouragement in my most desperate moments, and allowed me to persevere without him. Do I hate the devil? Of course! After making him disappear completely, they all advised me to leave the hatred behind and just run away, as far away as possible. They all said that if I kept the hatred, the person I hated would not really leave me. But it's not easy! The excruciating pain, the festering wounds, the black bruises ...... they know too! They've been through it with me! No more, thankfully, no more: a new world, new friends, no more wounds, no more shouts, no more nightmares. If my mother had known, she would have been pleased that I had met a good man. He would have given my mother what she lost – a happy family. And my child would not have to see their father only in memories as they does now. When they think of their father, they must be filled with happiness and pride. I'm sure they are. But I'm really curious what their father was like.”

This information the Detective is given tells us that Qin Yiying never knew her father, seemingly dying in service to his country. In the September 9th 1992 document, which is written by Qin Yiying, she talks about wishing she could tell her father about how her mother was “wronged”(?) in his absence.

Combined with the “About Her” section, the mention of the “broken childhood” during the main section of the game should actually refer to Qin Yiying’s childhood, not her daughter’s (Liu Lingjing).

“April 3rd 1995 It’s so beautiful here, and it’s the perfect place to come with friends and loved ones when the cherry blossoms are in bloom. I feel better. In a few months, the lotus pond next to here will be full of lotus flowers and ducks will be playing in the water. We’ll have to come back then. In the future, when we have a child, we will bring them here often to play. I hope their childhood will be happy, unlike me… But the good news is, that’s all in the past, right?”

In the September 9th 1992 document, she talks about finding a way to “reconcile” with herself and talks about making the “devil” disappear completely. The meaning behind this could be related to the one phrase about a body being thrown into Iron Camel Mountain(?). When the name was mentioned, the mother talked about it being dangerous, hard to find, and very dark. Therefore, the true meaning behind this could be that Qin Yiying killed someone, this “devil”, and threw their body into the mountain to hide the evidence and her crime. Whoever this was could relate to the page from December 2009 which mentions a “name” the mother didn’t think she’d ever see again. It was this same document that referenced “new victims” and wanting “just punishment” now that she wasn’t a “helpless child” anymore.

Considering what we’ve said so far about Qin Yiying’s nightmare and Liu Bingsen’s father, as well as what we know the organization Liu Bingsen joined, it’s possible Qin Yiying witnessed her mother being abused (or even killed potentially) by Liu Bingsen’s father, who was likely part of the organization (In Research Fragment 3, Liu Bingsen mentioned the organization having a “strict selection and inheritance system”, which may imply Liu Bingsen was able to join because his father had been a part of it).

The reason Qin Yiying’s mother may have been abused or killed by this organization connects to the wrapping paper for the package the Detective received, which had the label “Vietnam Immigration” on it. This is important based on the information we received from ***** which talked about “witch hunts”, extremism, and discrimination. Qin Yiying’s mother likely suffered from this kind of inhuman treatment.

Based on the line about Iron Camel Mountain, it’s possible that Qin Yiying killed Liu Bingsen’s father in revenge. This would explain how she knew about the mountain being dark, dangerous, and hard to find, which was why she’d choose to hide the body of the “murderer” there: to hide any evidence of her crime.

From the “About Her” section, we see that Qin Yiying tried to forget the past and live in peace, but she ended up falling in love with the son of her enemy, the so-called “devil” potentially. Liu Bingsen knew the truth of who Qin Yiying was but didn’t get rid of her. Instead, they got married, and Liu Bingsen used deception to try to hide his secret from her. This is where the “About Her” note, specifically the part about it being hard to change a person’s nature, as well as how the truth was revealed, hope was lost, and salvation only coming from killing the sinner. This was to hint at Qin Yiying eventually learning the truth (that Liu Bingsen’s father killed her mother and the shady business Liu Bingsen was involved in, including trafficking human organs and/or body parts), with the part about “killing the sinner” referred to her killing Liu Bingsen in revenge by sabotaging his car.

“The safety standards for cars are so high that there is basically no possibility of direct spontaneous combustion, even if the fuel tank has been hit. Even spark plugs, because they only use an electric arc, ignite the (oil-contaminated) gas mixture, not the gasoline fluid itself. Since…”

Unfortunately for Qin Yiying, the day she caused her husband’s accident, he wasn’t leaving for shady business, but because he wanted to take his daughter to Happy Valley to play.

“September 8th 2010 The other day, Su Su (?) went to Happy Valley again (water stains). I always wanted to go there, but I didn’t make the trip. It would be nice if my parents came with me. But I can’t get my hopes up, or you’ll be even more upset if you get stood up. Mom has been uncharacteristically late in recent months, but instead (water stains) has started to leave work on time, and seems to be counting on Dad to be more reliable. Latest Information! I just learned that Dad is going to Happy Valley tomorrow, hehe~ He promised to take me there, and he said he will take me to the haunted house, even though I’m scared, I’m still super excited. Dad told me not to tell mom. (Water stains) Of course, you can’t (water stains) skip school, and I’ve said several times that (water stains) I’m not going to be able to sleep.”

This accidental death led to the creation of the daughter personality the mother has. This personality finds clues left by the mother (the real personality) and her father. The daughter’s social media account also has some entries where she talks about feeling out of control, being awake for shorter periods of time, before commenting she “remembered”, which may have been when the mother (real personality) took control again, forgetting everything, leading to the mother thinking he daughter had disappeared.

This was likely what happened to the mother after we told her about Iron Camel Mountain/Tie Tuoshan. She realized everything had been her own fantasy, and that her real daughter had died years ago.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a different note, I want to quickly discuss Xiao Dadong. His patient records mention him claiming to have heard “the voice of a dead friend” saying something about “he wanted to take him with him to death”(?).

This makes me think of the report that mentioned a boy dying, and his death leading to serial killings, with the police finding 35 bodies in the suspect’s yard.

“On December 11, 1978, the disappearance of a 15-year old boy let to a string of psychopathic killings by John Wayne Gacy. Although the boy’s last interview was with his construction company before he disappeared, he denied seeing the boy when questioned by police. A police search accidentally uncovered his hidden underground “vault” and eventually found 35 bodies hidden in his house and yard…”

Liu Bingsen mentioned the killer’s nickname was the Clown, and Xiao Dadong also played as a clown before becoming a ghost at the Haunted House.

This would tie to 1 of the hidden messages left by *****, who talked about the “real killer” still being on the loose and using his flaws as the rules of the puzzle.

“It is a colorful world, but in different people's eyes, it has different colors. Blood is a horrible bright red liquid in your eyes, but some people see it as nothing more than a dark, sullen juice that doesn't stir up a ripple inside. Similarly, this is a world of diverse values. Different people have different pursuits. Although those who dare to harm others at will are in the minority, good ordinary people like you still need to protect themselves. I would say this story is not over yet, because the real killer is still on the loose. But from the very beginning until now, I've been using his flaws as the rules of the puzzle. I'm making up the world as I see it and sharing it with you in the hope that you'll still love it even after you know how cruel it is, just like I do, although the parts we love should be completely different. Oh, by the way, for me you can be completely at ease, I promise not to hurt you. If necessary, I will even help you.”

The rules for this puzzle involved color confusion, which can relate to Xiao Dadong being colorblind, considering he saw blood as brownish-yellow. It could be that the 15-year old boy that was reported to have died was the “dead friend” Xiao Dadong claimed to have heard, and if Xiao Dadong was the killer, it could mean the “this person killed me” message the Detective found in Dadong’s notebook was either from 1 of Dadong’s victims, or it could’ve been the “voice” he claimed to have heard in his head that may have been the reason he was driven to murder.

[dangerously-human]

The thing that really raises a lump in my throat when I attempt to look at it head-on is how much of Lockwood & Co's power, for me personally, comes from spending the ages of all the main characters suicidal. It started when I was Lucy's age in The Screaming Staircase, and it took me till I was Kipps's age in The Empty Grave to really learn to want to live. So I get it, I remember it vividly, the grip of death and the shadow it casts over everyday life, no matter how much you try to avoid its influence. But there's still light in all that darkness! There's still joy in love and friendships and the community-family you choose to build! And hope triumphs!! (And the grave is empty; we have a hero who passed through into Death and came back to tell us he had robbed it of power and restored the rightful order.)

And, man, Lockwood and George are 18(ish) in The Empty Grave, and I wince a little when people say something about them all still being teenagers/allude to teen drama at 35 Portland Row, because on the one hand, yeah, that's neither technically inaccurate nor a poor representation of that age (nor, to be fair, what life surely is like living with this trio!); but on the other hand, it matters very much to me that Lockwood is a new adult in this book specifically. It's an age of transition, figuring out how to merge who you've been with who you want to be. It's narratively and cathartically satisfying that Lockwood is, at this stage, making peace with his past and moving into a new life of sorts, turning over a new leaf (big picture and small) and establishing a future with Lucy (never over the necklace and everything that promises, truly). Anyway, I look at all that and it hits hard because I remember being 18, beating back depression with a stick on my best days, facing down a sense of impending doom at the idea that as an adult, every day was going to be the same, a monotonous life with no meaning to the good or bad. And this despite my faith: what I knew did not change what I felt, and failure seemed constant. Like Lockwood, I found myself staring wide-eyed at adulthood with the bewildered apprehension that I never expected to get this far, and wasn't sure what to do with a future I only recently was beginning to accept as my own. So watching as Lockwood works to conquer his nihilism and suicidal tendencies with making meaning in everything, with finding what matters to him and doing it well with people he loves, speaks to my heart specifically.

I could talk about what this series means to me for hours and still never convey the whole of it, not least because I'm still peeling back more layers all the time. This is what I mean when I say I wish I'd found this story when I was younger, though perhaps it resonates more clearly now.

[tkblythofficial]

I know this is only gossip and nothing is set on stone but don't y'all find the alleged behavior of BOTH J & T gross?

J was already on thin ice for preying on an underage R but now allegedly cheating on her? the AUDACITY of this hag who lives off his gf and the roles and connections R provides for his inexistent acting career. I feel so bad for R cause she's super young basically putting her ALL for a man who only gives back a quarter of the energy and attention she clearly craves from her significant other.

On the other hand, while I love and respect T as an actor he moves kinda weird to my liking, I understand every relationship has their own set of boundaries but if you ask me personally, if I already find liking random insta girls a tad disrespectful imagine what do I think about him liking sexy pictures of his female coworkers, girls whom are very much in contact with him for long periods of time. Idc what people say, I don't think BB is comfortable with his behavior and while we don't know her full thoughts on the matter her online activity makes it very obvious there's a few insecurities looming around. If he's allegedly chatting up girls it's even worse, it doesn't matter if he hasn't done anything physical YET... he's already breaking the trust of the other half.

Anyways, I just in principle hate men so much 😭 Im not even surprised anymore with the shit men manage to pull anymore but it's still disappointing. If there's any truth to any of these said rumors I hope both R and BB choose themselves, their careers, mental health and well being. They deserve men who WORSHIP the floor they walk on

*sigh* this comes up every single month on the blog lol and people have their opinions on his likes (which is fine).

T has been liking pics since 2021 so BB has known about this for 3 years. It’s becoming more of an issue because he’s famous and is slowly integrating himself into the celeb circle. Before he didn’t have access to gorgeous women on the regular so a like was just a like. That’s not the case anymore.

BB probably never liked his online behavior but wasn’t deterred because he would never met those women or models in IRL. Now if he liked S Sweeney pics (as an example) that insecurity could jump out because it’s a high possibility he could meet or work with her in the future.

Let’s put ourselves in BB’s shoes. If your man was liking random thirst traps online, you might say to yourself “I wish he wouldn’t do that but whatever, he’s never going to meet these women. A like is just a like. Not a big deal.” Some women don’t see this as a dealbreaker.

Unfortunately if she always had an issue with it, she should have addressed it the moment he did it years ago. It’s a little too late to get him to break a habit she was previously OK with.

[cupcakes-and-pain]

Rat: CYOA

Well, you did it. You gained enough status to get an invite to a Virginia Diaz-Hills party. Whether this is a good thing or not remains to be seen, of course, but it’s not like you could refuse.

So you try to have fun. You try to blend in. You end up spending a lot of time in the corner, granted, but you did talk to a few people! There was this older gentleman named Monty. His breath stank and he spoke very rudely to the staff, but he was willing to introduce you to a few others and get you connected. Next you met Virginia herself. Her very presence made your knees shake. And later, while you were hiding in the corner again, you met Jai, the photographer. They seemed like the most normal person at the party, though you wouldn’t exactly describe them as trustworthy.

Around midnight, a crowd gathered near a door and then moved towards the center of the ballroom, gaining more and more as it went.

Screw it, you might as well see what all the fuss is about. It’s not like anything else exciting is happening.

Edging closer, you strain to see what everyone is looking at. Suddenly, amongst the smell of bodies and booze, you catch a very strong scent of blood.

“Alright, alright, everyone!” A worker announced, standing on a little stage. “Friends, associates, and borderline enemies! The entertainment has arrived. Step back, the boss is coming through to announce what we’re doing tonight.”

Suddenly everyone parts, and since you had been pushing to see what was going on, you suddenly fall in front of everyone. Many laugh, some point or take pictures (when and why did they get cameras out?), and a few look very worried.

Virginia steps forward, and the whole room goes quiet.

“Hey, it’s the newbie again! Are you enjoying my party?”

With no clue what else you’re supposed to do in this situation, you nod emphatically. She smiles.

“So, you probably have no clue about what sort of entertainment we do around here?” The way she annunciates ‘entertainment’ sends shivers down your spine.

“No ma’am.”

“Would you like to?”

And without waiting for an answer, she grabs your arm and yanks you to your feet. Then, without waiting for you to regain your balance, she drags to the center of the room. The smell of blood gets stronger, and you see a man tied to a board on stage. He is covered in bruises, scars, and cuts, many of which are open and bleeding all over that place.

“This is Rat. It’s one of the playthings I keep for me and my friends. You’re my friend, aren’t you?” You nod. “Good. Well then, friend, since you’re new, do you want to get the ball rolling? What should we do to it first?”

You blank, trying to think of something to please this terrifying woman.

“Aw, cat caught your tongue? Maybe you need some ideas. Personally, I’d love to give it a good beating, maybe make it pass out. And what about you guys?” She turns to all the people surrounding you.

Many yell out their suggestions. The only one you hear clearly is Monty’s, since he’s very close to the front.

“I say we drug it and push it around a while. Ooh, maybe even make it do tricks!”

As you’re thinking over your options, your eyes flick to the other side of the little stage. Jai is there, holding their camera, but they look like they’d rather be anywhere else. If Virginia made them choose, they’d probably suggest something mild, like leaving it there on stage to be looked at but not touched.

I’m going to tag the usual Rat tag list only for this one. Tell me if you want to be tagged in future installments. Also, updates will probably be every other day for now. I’ll let you know in the future if things change.

@kim-poce @lumpofwhump @scp-1296

[zeevoidlight]

Just finished the Talos Principle 2. I have thoughts on it.

I liked it very much :). Is one of those games that will stay with me for quite a while. I like the world building, the robots, the problems and questions that arise from the story. Just like last game.

SPOILERS My ending was that I unintentionally (because i didn't knew it was a choice) pushed for Byron to become mayor. I actually think it was a good outcome and something I wanted ultimately because the city couldn't possibly survive without him in command for the next election. I liked Byron at first because is almost obvious. But as the story progressed in the game I started to see what the others were talking about when referring to him. I do think he is umm... a bit insane, lol, and later in the game i couldn't but see him as a too rash and unhinged at times, just like the other extreme with Hermanubis. He's clearly a Utopist with big ambitions which wouldn't be so bad if they weren't driven by his own trauma, he cannot see past himself using others necessities to justify and prove his personal point into the extreme. That's why I wanted to side with Alcatraz, which to me feels like the safe option, of not being to rash to take a definitive decision in that moment to completely change reality forever and focus only on the immediate problems at hand. He wasn't opposed to the technology, he was just wary of it, which is perfectly understandable. But... I didn't wanted to admit it but the narrative seems to favor Byron in the very end, even leaving Alcatraz completely out of the picture in all endings, and depicting the "theory of everything" as the only one that gives fruit. maybe, Idk exactly but that's my impression after seeing three endings by myself and the special endings on youtube. Although I still don't know the conditions of the special endings and their variants, and also my impression was a bit different, more balanced when i saw the normal endings by myself. Maybe reddit has a way to skew the truth by deciding to find and choose a "true" ending or "canon" ending, maybe the game is actually biased, idk. The ending i got was, like i was saying before i got sidetracked, I got Byron elected, and I wanted to turn off the machine, not destroy it, to maybe take a bit of time to think about it and study it, and Byron in the meantime could move New Jerusalem out of their stagnation into something better than what they had currently. I was my best outcome because they needed the resources and I think they were absolutely exaggerating by saying that they will destroy the planet if they just basically grow any inch. They were already much better the moment the started making plans for expeditions and gathering resources for their immediate needs, and thinking about creating new things, while at the same time not immediately giving the theory of everything power to them as they were right now because Athena's concerns and Alcatraz concerns where very much real. Is the power to change reality itself! Is Teensy and Tot and the Polyhedron all over again! Don't you see the danger they inherent?! (insert Jeff Goldblum here).

But i feared the game wasn't going to understand me and it was going to give me a bad ending for taking the middle of the road decision, and that's exactly what happened. I took the option to turn off the machine, and apparently that's the worst ending because the mayor is not actually elected, they end up fighting each other, 1K just ends up leaving them to their own and basically exiles himself with Athena and says "fuck this shit I'm out" and leaves them to figure the future out themselves, and the Sphinx tells me that i took a decision that is not a decision. like... *sigh... So, I watched the ending that I think the game wanted me to take in the first place, which is to use the machine to know everything and gain absolute control over reality itself. And i watched it, but to be honest it was still not the good ending, at least for me, even with that Byron super heartfelt dialogue at the end over the scene with 1K creating life in another corner of the universe and the holograms (ghosts? ppl on reddit said it was ghosts) of other AIs and the music and all. I just think that's too much, and as Al and at some point Yaqut said, it felt devoid of meaning, to suddenly have everything and can do anything and know everything, to manipulate life that way. Everything looses purpose. At least that's how i felt.

So, I chose then the other ending where you outright destroy the machine. And I thought the game was going to punish me with something worse than my first ending, complete oblivion. But surprisingly it was the ending i was actually looking for. One where Byron gets elected and he says that he respects my decision without any resentments since he expresses that with respect. I was surprised when he said that! and he was saying in his speech that he was still going to take New Jerusalem to a brighter future worthy of the people that doubt them. It was so much better! And just what i wanted! And then 1K goes into the woods and find a stag, and kneels before it. I don't feel it was in a worshiping way but just in a respectful way. I was just disappointed that I didn't saw Alcatraz in that ending then, because I feel like he would be much more at ease and happy with the results. The only thing he wanted was for Byron to not go crazy, not to stop advancement altogether. But towards the end i feel the narrative started to change Alcatraz into being the opposite of Byron like he was depicted at the very start for you to think that was all his character was. It reverted back into it with little details he says to make you misunderstand what he's saying again...

... I'm happy with that last ending i got being my canon one. Even if it's "the wrong one". Feels like Pathologic all over again. I just cannot win with the choice I thought it was the good one. I hope i'm just tripping and there's actually no bias. But that's why it will stay in the void along with other things as long as the general consensus say there's an actual "canon" ending. At least until the new Talos comes out in a couple of years, if there's another one. Or someone on the team says otherwise. I will have my own canon. And Alcatraz and I can be the forever party poopers.

[faceglitchsworld]

It's the 18th of June here which means that I can finally talk once again about Monsta X into my little birthday tradition 😭

Happy Birthday Nunu! 😭

Have the collage I made for him 🥹

Making it was difficult, really. There was so, so much good material from him so I just used my personal taste and some recent pics while making the collage.

Isn't he beautiful? 🥹

Isn't this collage beautiful? 🥹

Ok, enough with me praising my picture choices, have the letter now

It's the first time since I started this little tradition of mine that I talk about leaders and I must admit that I'm finding it difficult choosing the right words for Shownu. Heck, I even think that this letter will be the shortest one of this series because I think that writing a letter for leaders is much more simple.

BUT Monsta X is my first K-pop group ever so I'll make sure to write the best letter for a leader because I said so.

The first impressions Shownu gave to me when I discovered the group was that Shownu was an introverted leader with a huge patience and self control. Someone who makes sure that everything goes well during a performance or an interview. And someone who notices immediately when something isn't right and he tries to make the situation a little more better for the others.

I confess that I never ended up watching his enlistment vlog. Seeing the other members being in the merge of tears because they weren't ready to see him go made me heartbroken so I decided to not watch it anymore. But I clearly remember how, during the first minutes of that vlog, Shownu said on camera how the military wasn't the actual military for him: It was like going camping for him. I don't know if he said it to himself or for the members but those words were probably the most encouraging ones I ever heard since I saw my faves enlisting. And I love how he showed this caring side even now that Minhyuk enlisted. I think I will never forget that photo of Shownu hugging him. It looked like he was hugging a little kid who needed some comfort. And my heart sincerely melted.

As always, the more I dived into the group and understood their dynamics better, I noticed how Shownu he's an introvert who needs to find is own space before expressing himself completely. Must admit, I came to this conclusion because recently I spent the majority of time watching his SHOWNUayo vlogs, especially the newest ones and I noticed how he turns into a different person when he's alone. Like I can't get over the fact that he loves singing randomly any song he hears or how he's so loud or how he loves food. I think the food lover side is something that I would have never seen coming from him but still, I love how he talks about food in general and how he eats while watching YouTube videos.

Another side of him that I really love is how he's still, in my opinion, the most introverted leader I ever saw. I discovered many, many groups and I always noticed how even the introverted leader at some point decides to go with the flow and does, you know, leader things, such as presenting the group or answering different questions. Shownu on the other hand lets all the other members speak because he trusts them and they trust him so much that they can switch or share their tasks very easily. And, of course, the biggest sign that he's the most introverted person is the fact that he made an amazing bond with Hyungwon, aka the second most introverted member of Monsta X. I'm not surprised that now these two made a sub-unit, I'm curious about what they'll come up with in the future. And knowing Shownu singing skills and how Hyungwon is shining so much as a producer now I can only see a bright future for both of them.

My dear Shownu, the next few years will be a little difficult for me as a Monbebe. I didn't even have the time for being happy about your return that I already saw Minhyuk enlisting. And I know that this year it will happen again. I don't know if I'll be strong enough to endure this military era, so, my only wish for your birthday is to always be patient for us. We need someone who will take care of us, someone who will comfort us when we'll be at our lows and will keep us company while we're waiting for the others' return. You already demonstrated your patience and caring side by being an amazing pre-school teacher and I'm pretty sure you'll do an amazing job with us too, even tho I think that Monbebes are a little more challenging than little kids 🤣

Hope you'll have an amazing day today and you'll have a great time with the members and your family.

Happy birthday, Brother Bear 🐻

[outeremissary]

PFKM for the thing. gimme the god tier Emi Opinions

It took me long enough to type this up to get the question a second time whoops

[Image ID: An ask from kuroimarzipan reading "someones gotta ask u about kingmaker for the fandom ask meme and im gonna be that person"]

Buckle up, everyone, because this will be very long, variably coherent, and likely things a lot of folks have heard before!

Favorite Male Character

[Image ID: A three part meme taken from the Simpsons. In the first picture, a group gathers around Bart's desk, saying "Say the line, Emi!" In the second, Bart says "Tristian" with a dejected face of resignation. In the final image the class cheers around the despondent Bart.]

I know I have a certain reputation. The reputation for having lost my sanity and likely my dignity as well on account of that pathetic priest. That guy haunts me in ways you can't imagine. That guy was the cause of some strain with my ex, who was very tired of hearing about Tristian. It has destroyed any respect my irl friends have for me. And I think the worst part is that I don't even even think he's attractive. I find his face dull and in every way he's not at all my type. It would be better if this was just a mind lost to horny thing I think.

Anyway. For better or worse I'm in it with this guy for the forseeable future, and I have a Lot Of Thoughts About That. I know I've said before that when I started Kingmaker, I was so confident that I wouldn't be at all interested in Tristian as a character that I settled on playing a male character because of it. The universe mocks me, I swear. And I was right until that guy started being a little weird and a little fucked up! And then suddenly I had to know more, and then he was in the party temporarily, and then permanently, and he's just so pathetic in all the right ways... And the way that despite that sweet, holy character there would be moments of startling condescension or naive accidental cruelty... the fact that everything about his background was so clearly a lie... Agh, it drew me in, and then the betrayal sealed the deal. Curse my love of traitors, and of inhuman things straining under the weight of sudden humanity! Something wretched has taken hold of me. This is my own curse.

I think it's insult to injury that I really love Tristian's voice as well. Life is so cruel.

Anyway! Tristian is a fantastically compelling character because I love the way that nothing is actually quite a front with him despite the fact that he's deceiving you. He's so painfully sincere about being compassionate and altruistic. He really does want the best for you and to set you on the right path. He's blindingly sweet and kind and naive, but at the same time is capable of committing to truly terrifying acts for his own selfish goals. He's so terrified of his flaws that he can lie to himself about his own motives and overcome his intense aversion to falsehood to lie to you... I love the way that even when there are cracks in his story, he's somehow so difficult to disbelieve because it's so counter to his nature to be up to anything sinister that somehow, the mind rejects the evidence (mine did, at least). I like that much like Nyrissa he's someone who thought of himself as the main character of every story he was a part of (or at least deserving of a leading role) and who is now soundly punished for his hubris by living in a way he believes makes him a shadow of himself. And I like that all of his darkness is just a part of him! Like I said- no falsehoods. There's no "fake" Tristian. Every bit of it is real. It makes him feel so complex and human.

Anyway Tristian nonbinary I was told that by the owlcat itself it's true and I'm right

Favorite Female Character

In a game with two of the best girlbosses ever made, it's so hard to choose... but choose I shall, because I came to this game for one perfect woman, and I'm committed to the scythe wife, who has never let me down. I adore Jaethal! She's cool as hell, of course, by virtue of being a tall (no one argue I'm right) spooky undead lady with a giant scythe. But I also just find her a delight to be around. That unflappable immortal arrogance makes her funny as hell. There's not a single line from her that isn't iconic, I swear. The experience of being in some serious cutscene and having her interrupt with something mortifying like "well we all know family is what really matters" is integral to Kingmaker, I think. You're really missing something playing without that. And her backstory? Also an 11/10. She's a lawyer. She's a serial killer. She's a cultist. She's a milf. She's the worst person to have at your family gatherings. She's everything to me.

And of course, what I especially love about her are what we might term her "bestie qualities." I love that she's absolutely, unfailingly honest, even when she might have every reason to lie. She'll tell you so straightforwardly that she's undead, and then without any hesitation about her Extremely Criminal Past. She's confident that you'll either work with her, or that if you won't then she doesn't need you (she is, after all, immortal. eternal. everlasting.). But if you place your trust in her, it's rewarded with unwavering loyalty and earnest counsel. She always cuts to the point and never tries to manipulate or flatter. She's always absolutely, unapologetically herself. I love that about her. She feels like such a natural match for an evil character. She's ruthless and seeks power, but she's also content with what she finds at your side and is so fiercely devoted.

Then after saying all that, there's the fact she has easily the best companion quest in the game! Even though we see so little of Nortellara, I love the relationship between them. Jaethal has such complicated feelings for her offspring: she's controlling and condescending, but at the same time has some affection for the girl despite herself. I love the part of her first quest when after turning the nameless elvish girl for having a resemblance to her daughter, she reacts to her with disgust for displaying what she feels is a cowardice that would be beneath Nortellara. She thinks a lot of the girl- although at the same time, the way she thinks of Nortellara is also a reflection of how she sees herself. The question of how much of that affection and respect is for Nortellara as an individual vs. Nortellara as the miniature Jaethal she thinks that she's succeeded in making her is also one I find myself turning over in my head. Jaethal is one of the video game parents of all time to me

Least Favorite Character

Of the companions? Jubilost. Shoutout to Jubilost for being the only companion I hold no warmth in my heart for. I know this is a bit of a controversial take (and also that you've heard it from me already, for the most part), but I truly can't stand that guy. He's funny sometimes, sure, and I really like his questline (especially the Inconsequent Debates for letting me see my bestest immortal friend in the whole universe), but he frustrates me as a person. You know how Jaethal is a fun and cool fictional villain? Jubilost is a real dude I could find on Reddit right now. Or Twitter. Or in my high school yearbook, since he'd have been one of the classmates mad at me for taking the top spot in class rankings from my betters (cis men). I really tried to like him, and I did my best to committing to him in the party on my second playthrough, but he ran out my patience in record time with the way he talked to Octavia (as well as to Linzi and Valerie). I don't care if she started it, his responses disgust me.

In terms of non-companions...? That chieftain of the Six Bears, Akaia. For some similar reasons, that guy obviously sucks. Don't even need to say much more about it. He's lame and obviously he was made to be hated. He doesn't even have any amusing quips. Amiri deserves to do a little murder to him. As a treat.

Favorite Ship

It is no news to you or anyone else who's known me for more than two days that my brain has been absolutely melted by Balthazar/Tristian. That has held me at goddamn knifepoint for over two years now. Send help. I know I covered the two of them at some length here, here, and here. I really love the way that they're kind of foils to one another- the trickster and the earnest priest, the aasimar desperately rejecting his heritage and the fallen angel willing to do anything to claw his way back to heaven. And I love the ways that they're the same as well. They're both suffering at the hands of the expectations placed on them for a celestial nature, expectations neither can meet. Both have the same fierce commitment to their ideals, and both are also gifted liars. There's a lot there. It's like accidentally tripping into making some kind of shonen rival ship. It makes me so deranged.

Though if you asked me to pick something that doesn't involve my beloved special OC and isn't the easy Octavia and Regongar (I want them to work it out so bad)... I'd say Linzi and Amiri! i like Linzi's gay little crush on Amiri, it's really cute.

On the other hand my dark and evil fave is that I am secretly a Nyrissa/Tristian guy. I just like... there's something about that. There's something about the Stockholm ship.

Favorite Friendship

I mean. Jaethal and Balthazar, of course. Mean bisexual alliance. I love how in sync they tend to be, and I love the trust that can exist between two evil people. :) Every tyrant needs a loyal right hand! I also think that she's someone who has always been able to see through his deceptions and fronts and is able to cut straight to what's on his mind- she demands an earnesty that's terribly unfamiliar at first, but trusting her comes to be second nature.

If we remove my OC from the equation though... I really love seeing Octavia and Harrim interact, and the moments here and there that she's able to break through that gloom and coax out some little positive response, a smile or a good natured comment. The unstoppable optimist and the persistent pessimist being pals is just :)

Favorite Quote

For once in my life, I don't need to think for even a minute about it. "You are my reflection, Balthazar, just a little luckier." I know I even made a whole post gushing about it on the side blog! It's my favorite, and her telling you not to bow down before power, just as she never did, in the same conversation. Wow. Wow. I just... she's everything, you know?

Honorary mention though to "I'm lying to you again, Balthazar." I'm so insane brained about Tristian there had to be something here, right? All of his dramatic and self-pitying stuff (especially the self-pitying stuff) is dear to my heart, but something about the frank admission of not only the most abhorrent selfishness but the act of catching himself trying to conceal it is really amazing to me. I mean, there's so much character in just that. He's someone who's so burdened by shame that even when he tries to confess one he's compulsively still hiding and minimizing, and he sees it as a sign that he's fallen so far and become so sullied. But I think it's one of the most human things about him. I find it painfully relatable. I find it so fascinating that he's a character who holds himself to impossible standards who by the time of story has already long since failed in his attempt to live up to them. And of course, the attempt to return to the time that things were perfect and he could live with them only tangles him further and further in things that shame and humiliate him and make him a stranger to himself. I really love the struggle he's always going through to understand himself and accept these flaws.

Worst Character Death (if any)

That BASTARD TRISTIAN! I don't hold Jaethal accountable for what happened there just. Full hands in head. Aaaagh. Devastated! Heartbroken! Dismayed! Ripped my heart out of my chest! The only fatality I had in the House on my first playthrough and it was a NIGHTMARE. I knew it was coming, my roommate had warned me, but I still had such a hollow feeling in my chest afterwards. The book in the House that has Tristian's memories made me full on tear up. His death is also the reason that Balthazar killed Nyrissa instead of taking the opportunity from Shyka to be crueler- after that there was no playing around. She had to die, and that was that.

Of course, Nyrissa's death was also the worst. She's such a wonderful character that it was devastating to lose her. But I think there's a certain poetry to it. Even if you kill her, in the end you become her. And if you emerge victorious from the struggle against the Lantern King, then it's her victory too. You're the understudy who's filled her role and you'll see the show through to the end. I like to think she'd be happy to see what you did with it. I love her so much my heart aches btw

This made me so happy you have no idea Moment

Oh, there are many options in the epic highs and lows of Pathfinder: Kingmaker. But a really memorable one from the first go around was talking down the mob in Season of Bloom by seizing on the words of Balthazar's very few supporters and using them to just gaslight the crowd into sad submission. RIP to the common people of the Stolen Lands but I love the evil diplomancy win. Along similar lines would be talking Hargulka into beating Tartuk to a bloody pulp (sorry Tartuk) and then recruiting him on the spot afterwards, recruiting one of Nyrissa's lieutenants by being the scariest motherfucker she'd ever met (I love when my feeble posh aasimar gets to intimidate!), instilling a puppet ruler over the Tiger Lords... basically all the cheating bastard evil diplomacy wins. I'm so grateful that Kingmaker allowed me to play my concept to the fullest.

But also every moment that Shyka was onscreen because them make me so happy :)

Saddest Moment

Aside from that asshole Tristian dying on me? Well, I remember the ending slides I got the first time around were... largely pretty rough. Jaethal leaving was :( But aside from that. Umm. Linzi death. Linzi scripted death got me. Even having disliked her for most of the game before that, suddenly having her pulled away, finding that she died for you even after her spirit was broken and she had become disillusioned... there was something tragic about that, especially playing a character who hadn't really valued her and had encouraged her to make self-destructive choices. I think there's something about seeing her give herself up in blind trust one last time for the hero she's given everything to is, from a meta perspective, extremely sad. I suppose she didn't really know that her encounter with Nyrissa would end in death, but I think our robin understood what she was gambling with. And then the epilogues finishing with the "and now I shall go silent forever" as if her life amounted to no more value than being the vessel for the main character's tale... never! That's devastating as well! And hard to reconcile with a protagonist who had already told her not to put a period on things when the story was far from over.

Favorite Location

Vordakai's Tomb. *the crowd boos* No no hear me out I just think it's a really compelling and atmospheric story location!!! I think it's an excellently paced dungeon with a lot of fascinating parts!!! Like, it's so neat down there. I like the variation in the dungeon geography, which is some of the most interesting environmental storytelling in the game. Being stalked by Vordakai's familiar (and watching in despair as you optimistic dumbass companions give up their names) is neat. We get some sweet, sweet leadup to Tristian breakdown, and the iconic "if something like, happened to me, and you never saw me again for some reason, is there anything you'd want to say to me...?" He makes me yearn for the sweet embrace of death sometimes. But yeah. The sense of dread down there is cool, I like being properly locked in, it's a good dungeon. As a dungeon aficionado, I'm fond of it!

I love the capital before it becomes a city as well, and a lot of the nondescript forest locations. Many locations are hard to love due to being actively attacked in them, alas.

[twinknote]

vent post, mind the tags, dead dove etc.

i was already having a rough morning and have been having a rough week/few weeks/month etc. in general, and i saw that someone i knew briefly passed a couple weeks ago. they had been super involved with a great intersectional ed support group focused on supporting ppl with marginalized identities. we only talked directly a few times, but i saw them supporting others all the time and it was just blatantly obviously how radiant and deeply caring they were. i don't know the details, but i know they had just made it out of rehab and were dealing with a lot of health problems.

it's a really distressing experience to continually see people your age who are very similar to you die. i'm thinking of another person who i went to college with who took their life a couple years ago. also queer, also nonbinary, also jewish, also traumatized, also neurodivergent, also struggled with addiction, also a clearly brilliant, radiant, loving person. it's a really distressing experience to continually see society fail these people who so clearly deserve to live and thrive. to see their loved ones ache for them after they're gone and vow that they would have done Anything to keep them here. to continually reach a breaking point over and over and over again and know that one of them could be the Final breaking point. to wonder what that was for them, how many times they picked themselves up before they just couldn't anymore.

selfishly, it's really hard to see them leave when i've wanted to for so much of my life, especially now. to see how they seem to just vanish. to find some semblance of comfort in the thought that they're resting now, they don't have to suffer anymore, and to think, well when do i get to rest? when will i cease to suffer? if they get to receive the gift of rest and peace, why shouldn't i? why am i still here, silently howling in my room as to not cause a disturbance, desperately trying to picture a future for myself in which i'm housed and safe and no longer beckoning death? why shouldn't i join them?

i promise i am putting all of my energy and effort into keeping myself here and building a future for myself, even if there's no blueprint, even if i have no vision. it's just hard, especially when i see people in similar circumstances choosing to leave. my therapist and i talk about wanting to die like this: i'm walking down a long hallway and it's filling up with smoke. there's a glowing door at the very end of the hallway; that's death. it's easy to see amidst the haze, but if i look closely, the hallway is lined with doors. not glowing, but doors nonetheless. i can open them, look inside, see if there's a way out, and these doors are things like various avenues to earn enough income to move out and support myself. but once i open So many doors and none of them work out, i become So exhausted and hopeless that i'm no longer interested in looking for more doors. i'm just moving towards that light at the end because it's the only solution i can see. and sometimes the doors run out; i try all of my options and they all fail to work out. and my brain tells me to just go through that door, because at least i won't be stuck in the hallway, coughing and wheezing until i can't breathe anymore.

i am trying really hard to look for more doors. if not for myself, for everyone i've known who deserved to live.

[windebris]

HERE IT IS, THE LONG-AWAITED (its been an hour) Lonely King by CG5 analysis post!!!!! its a bit long so i’ll put it under a cut but hoooooooo boy its a good one.

We open on, instead of vultures in the desert, two (literal) ducks on the cacti and one duck (cq) in the desert. Theyre chirping. Its an implied sunrise, this is a new beginning for quack or at least He wants it to be; the sky is red, which is always a bad sign for future endeavors. 

Right off the bat the screen is divided into to parts, one shadowed and one light. In the shadowed part (left) its all unpacked boxes and unhealthy coping mechanisms (cough alcohol cough) and on the light half (right) hes got poker chips stacked up high and books and work. He wants to seem like hes got it all together, hes the king hes the boss hes got this. But really, hes struggling when no one bothers to look (ie the fiancés that left him [he left? Both] and the friends that dont check in)

the colored cards represent characters but the fact that he smashes through it right after is telling; id guess the ones at the very top are quackity & charlie, then foolish, purpled, and fundy underneath. The dark green id guess tubbo. You cant see it very clearly in the screenshot but the far bottom left is shades of gray, so id say schlatt, and the middle two are pink/yellow and green/white, so techno and dream. Far right is purple so im thinking karl. Wilburs gotta be in there somewhere, and so does sapnap so possibly the two in the more middle bottom area? Unsure about the yellow/green and solid blue near the top.

ANYWHO the reason i bring this up is that the ones right at the base, at the cornerstones and the center, are the traumatic people. No matter how far up he builds, cq’s very foundation is these experiences that he may not be able to see from the top, but he’ll always shake if theyre shifted.

The ones at the TOP are the ones he build Very Carefully, and with the purpose of Being At the Top, that Matters More and is Where he Is Now. this is what quack Wants people to see about him.

Here hes literally digging a grave for pictures of his enemies (schlatt and two turned away photos), (it juxtaposes with the lyrics being like ‘i was told i had to walk away [from my enemies]’ but the lyrical analysis is a Whole different post) but hes crying as he does so!!! It introduces the blue as a ‘this is what im feeling, it doesnt have to bring me control its what i am rn’ color, kind of an expression w/o limitations. Later that’ll express differently w the color but rn its the first time we see cq cry in the vid, and to my knowledge its the only time. I could be wrong about that tho. And he is Very Alone in this scene, theres no one to support him so hes Literally burying his trauma!!! Hence the never crying again!

I love all of these stills in the mirror bc he's reflected wearing the outfit associated with his time of 'owch' with the particular person overlaid in red over him (red = pain = success for the one dealing it out, hence the abundance of red in las nevadas bc he wants to be the one in control), but OWCH WHY KARL I LOVE KARL SO MUUUCH

i'll TELL YOU why karl it's because he fits Right in with the others in the sense that he was a Betrayal. schlatt was skeevy going in, but he was his husband he was meant to be at least Not-Bad, then Bam betrayal. Wilbur was meant to be his friend, was meant to be a fellow countryman, then Bam explosion. etc, so Karl not Only fits right in but is arguably the most stark and important bc of these flashes bc he's the only one that's only mentioned once, Here. bc cq doesn't see him as an enemy per se, like he clearly describes the others as. no, Karl is Pain, he is Red, he is Betrayal, but never an enemy (hence why he wasn't in the roulette spinner scene)

he's making himself a New Kind of villain PURPOSEFULLY!!!!!! HES WELL AWARE GOING INTO IT THAT THEYLL SEE HIM AS THE BAD GUY!!!! He Chooses to be the inflictor of pain rather than the one who takes the brunt of it bc it's the only way he can stay safe!!!!! that's why he hurts dream, he's stealing the 'smile' and the position bc when dream was in charge no one dared hurt him. no one dared. but quackity isn't red naturally!! his scar is a different color (barely noticeable) and the red on him (beanie, tie) are choices!! he Chose to wear those as opposed to before all of the server hardship when he Chose to wear blue (naivete? or maybe an unconscious hope that things would turn out good)

Theres a certain swagger that comes with choosing the ‘wrong’ path that i love about cq. Hes sauntering down to hell with a handbag full of golden poker chips and an even more golden smirk and tbh so girlboss of him

THERES NO HEART IN THE CARD SUITS IM GONNA CRY

Also! King imageryyyyy with the throne! It goes along with the title ‘lonely king’ because obvi its a throne, hes got the king thing going on, but also hes the only one in this frame. The colors are muted except for the red (pain, loneliness, control, what he seeks for so long but cant stand to have in reality) and some gold on the poker chip (illusion of control? Illusion of importance, surely) so hes Very Lonely

TRANSITION!!!!! before now the colors were All red and orange and white black brown and GOLD GOLD GOLD, but now we have variety, he's introducing friends, he has hope; the first time we see them they're suits on cards (earlier in video) but now they're pictures on a wall like important figures in his life (see: portraits of wil and schlatt except this time they're on the wall, unbroken, bc he so desperately Wants these ppl in his life) as distinct from pawns like initially (re: cards)

Also, notice that purp is the Only One not smiling! He holds a grudge (a well-deserved one, but hey this is cquacks perspective so im not gonna go into it here lol)

Here they are as the cards earlier; still have the color, still have the hope, but theyre impersonal. No faces beyond the bare minimum, and honestly those look pretty intimidating and blank. These are pawns, theyre workers, theyre something to be used. So when quackity swipes over them in red paint-its preeeetty clear he wants nothing to do with this newfound hope. Given this is earlier in the music vid (before the first pic i used, actually) its in character at that point; theres potential hope in these pawns, and thats gotta be stamped out with the red, the control, so he cant get hurt with them.

BACK TO THE TIME FRAME I WAS IN AND A L S O THE ESTABLISHED COLOR SCHEME which meeeeans somethings disrupted the relative safety, cq's settling down ain't gonna happen, mistrust has crept back in and we're unstable again hence the gold sparky sparks in las nevadas colors!!!! red, again, he wants control, but Gold is that legacy and prestige he sees everyone else get and it's falling apart (or about to) in front of him

quack is evilly grinning up at purp (notice the ‘up at’ as in hes below him in terms that purple has power OVER him but quack still wants to claim that sense of control), like oh yes stealing the dream motif again with the haha you can't get to me I don't care about your attempt on my life EXCEPT the Second purp goes for cslime the smile drops. he cares about someone, like it or not, and the chosen villain storyline doesn't hold up anymore bc he cares, at his very core he cares so much and that's why he didn't want his people to get close (hence the card suits) and when they Did (picture frames) he gets screwed over. bc quackitys character is about betrayal. and as soon as the red and gold disappeared, pain and ambition and control traded for hope again, that colorful wonderful thing, it was ripped away just as fast by one of the people he trusted. whether the color purple is a motif there I'll leave up to you (Karl, purpled)

AND! HE DIVES AFTER SLIME EVEN WHEN HE KNOWS INTELLECTUALLY THAT THE GUYS A GONNER ALREADY! THATS AN UNCONSCIOUS, IMMEDIATE REACTION!!! Just wanted to add that. Bc it wasnt a choice, he didnt choose to let these people in like he chose to keep them Out initially, but by god does he grip them close once theyre there. I wouldnt be surprised if cpurp joined the lineup beside karl and wil and schlatt and techno for betrayers.

THE RETURN OF COLOR AGAINNNNNN (I'm sorry for the overabundance of color analysis but it's There. I promise it's There and im not just insane.) and maybe it's not quite hope outright and I was wrong, but it's hope in something. slime is essentially dead, quacks been betrayed again, but this time he has something left. las nevadas isn't even Considered in this frame bc he's so consumed by this loss. our boy is coming BACK, BABYYYY and! and! he's on an equal plane with slime, they're standing shoulder to shoulder!!!! that is So different from every other position we've seen him in compared with other people who held power over him previously; schlatt stood over him, and so did Wilbur and tech and Karl that one time, with the one time they Weren't putting them in a grave that quack was digging at (I'll add a picture of that below) and they weren't even there!!! he put picture frames for a semblance of control!!! here, he's actually on even footing with his Friend, which makes the loss even more heartbreaking

hes disheveled, his beanie is gone (perhaps the most telling thing that hes gone through an abyss [hero’s journey anyone?]) this is his big moment (w/n the music video, im sure theres more to come for the character, however briefly)

and there's blue on what's presumably wils picture bc of ghostbur, duh, but also bc ghostbur fundamentally has the more free state of mind that quackity associates with hope. ofc all that's gone by the time he's revived but it's a nice thought

he's angry!!! singing directly into the dynamite, his scar is Bright Red unlike in previous scenes, this guy is Angry and rightfully so. he's had his moment of weakness (cough hope cough) and it's set him right back to vengeance and control and Pain. there's no gold anymore, he doesn't seem to care about the legacy element or the wealth, he just wants the safety of control. it's a spotlight, he's the only one left to care about, everything's drowned out except himself and the pain he can bring (ie the explosive. Wilbur callbacks anyone, he's literally a shadow but whether it's of Wilbur or of his former glory is debatable esp since glory is a motif here)

back to fake smiles, back to card suit imagery, we've boomeranged to the beginning and all hopes of permanent character development are gone. we're leading up to a breaking point in the narrative (background is kinda swiveling btwn orange and red like lava, like it's close to an eruption but that's kinda a reach) but we're not there yet

THIS IS LITERALLY JUST CC QUACKITY. HES TAUNTING US. HE STOLE ALL OF CQs color and put it into his own background bc this man is enjoying the panic he creates with all the angst.

Okay but in all seriousness about that one, all black = mourning = oh gosh quacks gonna die. Hes totally gonna die. OR its just for the vibes idk. But this man is Literally holding the fate of las nevadas (colors motif yes to all of it hes got the pain and control and the unrevealed card ‘up his sleeve’) in his hands. I am So here for this its gonna be an awesome finale

And i just rewatched the first bit and this totally supports my thing that blue is hope and red is pain. that in addition to there being no heart on the ‘throne’ from earlier-- its bc it was broken :D it flashes for like .01 seconds and it took a solid five attempts to pause on lol. the tiny broken heart makes My heart break

ive skipped the Whole part w c!Tommy and the bit with the mirror smash (its rly fascinating, so many mini-scenes all in one!!) for someone a bit more versed in the VODs to analyze, but ohhhh buy was this fun. Ty for reading through my incoherent mess of an analysis, it my little english enthusiast heart very happy :D

[lola-lightwood]

Jacks POV - OUABH

I am so obsessed with this book that I needed to read something so I wrote something to read... and I thought I’d share it with you all. This a very short scene with Jacks POV. In OUABH, we learn that Jacks told Apollo “for weeks how gorgeous” Evangeline is. So, I wanted to craft a scene where Jacks did just that... 

Even though at this point of the story Jacks is still a heartbroken, cruel mess, I’d like to think that he thought his little fox was pretty. Let me know what you think! 💜

~~~~

Jacks entered the palace room, eyes falling on Prince Apollo lounging in a chair. It had been too easy to gain entrance to the Magnificent North’s palace and the confidence of it’s prince. Although, Jacks couldn’t complain. Other parts of his plan had proven more difficult than expected. Especially when that foolish girl choose to drink from the cup. He had to cash in a favor or two with Poison for that whole event. 

He couldn’t keep thinking about her face in that moment. Her foolish, heroic heart falling to the depths of pity, blaming herself for the wedding members’ frozen bodies. Jacks supposed it was her fault for asking him for help. Especially for a boy who clearly didn’t love her back. If he truly loved her, he’d be marrying her. No spell can hold back true love. Jacks had learned that a harder way than most. His heart plummeted at the thought. Before the emotions overwhelmed him, he cleared his throat, pulling the Prince’s attention to his own. 

“Lord Jacks.” Apollo stood and greeted him.

“Your Highness.”

“I gathered you had something to discuss” Apollo still seemed wary of his acquaintance but he never feared him. Often when a person is highly revered and protected, he forgets to be afraid and becomes susceptible to threats. Yes, Apollo has been a perfect fit for what Jacks needed. Now, to sow the first seeds….

“Yes, I wanted to hear your thoughts about the guests for Nocte Neverending.” Jacks grinned. “After all, your future wife may be among them.”

Apollo grimaced. “Yes, well, it’s rather quick but I haven’t too many expectations. I expect most of the women will be too foolish to talk to.”

Jacks sighed inwardly. He had his own foolish girl to propose to the Apollo. Someone Apollo had to like enough to marry and quickly.

Apollo looked thoughtful. “I think I’ll mostly enjoy my time with Serendipity since we’re old friends. ” 

“And what of the girl from the Meridian Empire?” Jacks tore his thoughts away from an unbidden image that rose in his mind of another girl from the Meridian Empire. He focused instead on picturing the little fox of a girl with rose gold hair. Her pleading eyes in his church and her pursed, worried lips at the sight of her family members in stone. 

“Who? I thought the princess and empress couldn’t attend.” 

Jacks tensed and replied. “Then I have news to share with you. They’ve sent a sparkling figure as their replacement. She’s sort of reached a level of fame in the Meridian Empire after the Fates attacked her family and she saved them.”

Apollo hummed in response. Jacks felt Apollo’s interest leave the room, as if it caught the wind and rode out the open window.

“She’s beautiful as well.” 

Jacks didn’t plan that response. It came out suddenly and it shocked him. But it would work. Apollo favored beauty over most things.

Apollo’s gaze turned back to Jacks in interest. “I’ve never heard you sing a lady’s praise yet. She must be special.”

“Oh, absolutely stunning.” Jacks decided to continue this train of conversation. “Wait till you see her hair.”

“What’s so special about her hair?” Apollo’s voice had a hint of humor in it. He wasn’t believing Jack’s description. It wasn’t enough to intrigue him. Jacks conjured an image of the girl again. Her peculiar pink dress with embroidered foxes and pink—no, rose gold—hair. And that face. He remembered the slight blush that rose to her cheeks as he had stalked closer to her and talked about kissing. And the way she looked at him. Round eyes and perfectly curled hair that you wanted to dive your fingers into. Mess those curls up and make her blush again. What would she look like when the blush of her cheeks matched the rose gold of her hair?

“Rose gold hair? That’s interesting.” Apollo interrupted him and it was only then that Jacks realized he had said the last few sentences out loud. He didn’t pause to wonder why his self control seemed to be slipping. He severely needed an apple. 

“Perhaps I will enjoy meeting this rose gold girl, especially if her curls need a proper messing with.” Apollo smiled. “Although don’t worry, friend, you can dance with her after me.”

“I don’t care to dance with her.” Jacks scowled. Apollo winked in response. “Sure, you don’t.”

Jacks needed to leave this room. The Prince was starting to get on his nerves. Plus, he’d accomplished what he wanted to do. As Jacks started to leave, Apollo called out to him. “Why the blue hair, my friend? LaLa had mentioned that you used to be blonde.”

Jacks didn’t bother turning back to respond. “Don’t worry about it.”

Although, interestingly enough, Jacks was worried about it. He didn’t know entirely why it had turned blue one day. He refused to believe it had something to do with—

No, it was just some odd phase. Plus, he didn’t care what he looked like anymore. He had other things to worry about. The little fox popped up in his mind again. With luck, he would see her again soon and the next step of his plan would be in motion. 

[mimicofmodes]

“The Ladies Waldegrave” by Joshua Reynolds, 1780 (NGS NG2171)

I’ve complained before about two very big pet peeves of mine - corset stuff and Regency women being dressed in 1770s-1780s clothes - but one that may dwarf them because of how frequently it comes up in historical and fantasy fiction is the oppression of embroidery.

That’s probably putting it a bit too strongly. It’s more like ... the annoyance of embroidery. Every character worth reading about knows instinctively that sewing is a) boring, b) difficult, c) mindless, and d) pointless. The author doesn’t have to say anything more than “Belinda threw down her needlework and looked out the window, sighing,” to signal that this is an independent woman whose values align with the modern reader, who’s probably not really understood by her mother or mother figure, and who probably will find an extraordinary man to “match” her rather than settling for someone ordinary. To look at an example from fantasy, GRRM uses embroidery in the very beginning of A Game of Thrones to show that the Stark sister who dislikes it is sympathetic and interesting, while the Stark sister who is competent at it is boring and conventional and obviously not deserving of a PoV (until later books, when her attention gets turned to higher matters); further into the book, of course, the pro-needlework sister proves to be weak-willed and naïve.

Rozsika Parker, in the groundbreaking 1996 work The Subversive Stitch, noted that “embroidery has become indelibly associated with stereotypes of femininity,” which is the core of the issue. "Instead embroidery and a stereotype of femininity have become collapsed into one another, characterised as mindless, decorative and delicate; like the icing on the cake, good to look at, adding taste and status, but devoid of significant content.” 

Parker also points out that the stereotype isn’t just one that was invented in the present day by feminists who hated the idea of being forced to do a certain craft. “The association between women and embroidery, craft and femininity, has meant that writers concerned with the status of women have often turned their attention towards this tangled, puzzling relationship. Feminists who have scorned embroidery tend to blame it for whatever constraint on women's lives they are committed to combat. Thus, for example, eighteenth-century critical commentators held embroidery responsible for the ill health which was claimed as evidence of women's natural weakness and inferiority.”

There are two basic problems I have with the trope, beyond the issue of it being incredibly cliché:

First: needlework was not just busywork

A big part of what drives the stereotype is the impression that what women were embroidering was either a sampler:

sampler embroidered by Jane Wilson, 14, in 1791 (MMA 2010.47)

or a picture:

unfinished embroidery of David and Abigail, British, 1640s-50s (MMA 64.101.1325)

That is, something meant to hang on the wall for no real purpose.

These are forms of schoolwork, basically. Samplers were made by young girls up to their early teens, and needlework pictures were usually something done while at school or under a governess as a showpiece of what was being learned - not just the stitching itself, but also often watercolors (which could be worked into the design), artistic sensibility, and the literature, history, or art that might be alluded to. And many needlework pictures made in schools were also done as mourning pieces, sometimes blank, for future use, and sometimes to commemorate a recent death in the family. A lot of them are awkward, clearly just done to pass the class, but others are really artwork.

Many schools for middle- and upper-class girls taught the making of these objects (and other “ornamental” subjects) alongside a more rigorous curriculum - geography, Latin, chemistry, etc. At some, sewing was also always accompanied by serious reading and discussion. (And it would often be done while someone read aloud or made conversation later in life, too.)

Once done with their education, women generally didn’t bother with purely decorative work. Some things that fabric could be embroidered for included:

Jackets 

Bed coverings and bedcurtains

Collars and undersleeves 

Pelerines 

Neck handkerchiefs and sleeve ruffles 

Screens

Upholstery

Handkerchiefs

Purses, wallets, and reticules

Boxes

Book covers

Plus other articles of clothing like waistcoats, caps, slippers, gown hems, chemises, etc. Women’s magazines of the nineteenth century often gave patterns and alphabets for personal use.

(Not to mention late nineteenth century female artists who worked in embroidery, but that’s something else.)

You could purchase all of these pre-embroidered, but many, many women chose to do it themselves. There are a number of reasons why: maybe they wanted something to do, maybe they felt like they should be doing needlework for moral/gender reasons, maybe they couldn’t afford to buy anything - and maybe they enjoyed it or wanted to give something they made to a person they loved. That firescreen above was embroidered by Marie Antoinette, someone who had any number of other activities to choose from. It’s no different than people today who like to knit their own hats and gloves or bake their own bread, except that it was way more mainstream.

embroidery patterns from Ackermann’s Repository in 1827 - they could be used on dresses, collars, handkerchiefs, etc.

Second: needlework wasn’t the only “useless” thing women were expected to do

Ignoring the bulk of point one for now and the value of embroidery - I mentioned “ornamental subjects” above. As many people know, young women of the upper and middle classes were expected to be “accomplished” in order to be seen as marriageable. This could include skills like embroidery, drawing, painting, singing, playing the piano (as well as other instruments, like the harp or the mandolin), speaking French (if not also Italian and/or German), as well as broader knowledge and abilities like being well-versed in music, literature, and poetry, dancing and walking gracefully, writing good letters in an elegant hand, and being able to read out loud expressively and smoothly.

This wasn’t a checklist. As the famous discussion in Pride and Prejudice shows, individuals could have different views on what actually made a woman accomplished:

“How I long to see her again! I never met with anybody who delighted me so much. Such a countenance, such manners! And so extremely accomplished for her age! Her performance on the pianoforte is exquisite.”

“It is amazing to me,” said Bingley, “how young ladies can have patience to be so very accomplished as they all are.”

“All young ladies accomplished! My dear Charles, what do you mean?”

“Yes, all of them, I think. They all paint tables, cover screens, and net purses. I scarcely know anyone who cannot do all this, and I am sure I never heard a young lady spoken of for the first time, without being informed that she was very accomplished.”

“Your list of the common extent of accomplishments,” said Darcy, “has too much truth. The word is applied to many a woman who deserves it no otherwise than by netting a purse or covering a screen. But I am very far from agreeing with you in your estimation of ladies in general. I cannot boast of knowing more than half-a-dozen, in the whole range of my acquaintance, that are really accomplished.”

“Nor I, I am sure,” said Miss Bingley.

“Then,” observed Elizabeth, “you must comprehend a great deal in your idea of an accomplished woman.”

“Yes, I do comprehend a great deal in it.”

“Oh! certainly,” cried his faithful assistant, “no one can be really esteemed accomplished who does not greatly surpass what is usually met with. A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half-deserved.”

“All this she must possess,” added Darcy, “and to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading.”

Mr. Bingley feels that a woman is accomplished if she has the ability to do a number of different arts and crafts. Miss Bingley feels (or says she feels) that it goes beyond specific skills and into branches of artistic attainment, plus broader personal qualities that could be imparted by well-bred governesses or mothers. And Mr. Darcy, of course, agrees with that but adds an academic angle as well.

But what ties all of these accomplishments together is their lack of value on the labor market. A woman could earn a living with any one accomplishment, if she worked hard enough at it to become a professional, but young ladies weren’t supposed to be professional-level good because they by definition weren’t going to earn a living. All together, they trained a woman for the social and domestic role of a married woman of the upper middle or upper class, or, if she couldn’t get married, a governess or teacher who would share her accomplishments with the next generation.

(To be fair, almost none of the trappings of an upper-middle/upper class male education had anything to do with the kind of career training that college frequently is today, either. Men were educated to know the cultural touchpoints of their class and fit in with their peers.)

There are reasons that an individual person/character might specifically object to embroidery, but it was far from the only “useless” thing that an unconventional heroine would be required to do against her inclination by her conventional mother/grandmother/aunt/chaperone. Embroidery stands out to modern audiences because most of the other accomplishments are now valued as gender-neutral arts and skills.

“The Embroidery Frame”, by Mathilde Weil, ca. 1900 (LOC 98501309)

So, some thoughts for writers of historical fiction (or fantasy that’s supposed to be just like the 19th/18th/17th/etc century):

- If your heroine doesn’t like embroidery, she probably doesn’t like a number of other things she’s expected to do. Don’t pull out embroidery as either more expected or more onerous than them. Does she hate to sit still? I’d imagine she also dislikes drawing and practicing the piano. Would she prefer to do academic subjects? She probably also resents learning French instead of Latin, and music and dancing. Does she hate enforced femininity? Then she’d most likely have a problem with all of the accomplishments.

- If your heroine just and specifically doesn’t like embroidery, try to show in the narrative that that’s not because it’s objectively bad, and only able to be liked by the boring. Have another sympathetic character do it while talking to the heroine. Note that the hero carries a flame-stitched wallet that’s his sister’s work. Emphasize the heroine’s emotional connection to her deceased or absent mother through her affection for clothing or upholstery that her mother embroidered - or through a mourning picture commemorating her. There are all kinds of things you can do to show that it’s a personal preference rather than a stupid craft that doesn’t take talent and skill!

mourning picture for Daniel Goodman, probably embroidered by a Miss Goodman, 1803 (MMA 56.66)