#I used to have this Louis that I used to pour milk on and suck the milk out of it and it was sopping wet all the time 😭

[cowchickenbeefpork]

god was so mad at book Louis for the plantation owning he sent down lestat for him as punishment for his actions ❤️ amen

[smuckersblr]

Clueless Part 1

Peter tapped his freshly manicured french nails on the marbled countertop. Italian music was softly playing on the stereo near the fridge, the TV in the living room across from where he stood was playing the muted news. Another attack in Manhattan taken care of by the red robot that everyone is calling IronMan.

Peter huffed and looked over the dieted food for his dad he had just packed for his lunch, and waited for the coffee to be done pouring. “Daddy! Hurry up you’re gonna be late for your meeting!” Peter’s dad, Tony Stark, was a world-renowned businessman/engineer.

And Peter was his ‘infamous child prodigy’, is what Dr.Strange, his dad’s close friend, likes to call him. Peter was the popular kid at school, the one who knew how to dress amazingly enough to be on the cover of ELLE with his famous everyday outfits, the kid that had all A’s and was on the honor roll each year and won many science conventions first place awards; and yet he was still known to be the most liked and admired at school.

Peter bit his glossed lips while examining his manicure, thinking about the dinner tonight that he had to go to with his dad, something about ‘linking up with old friends. Tony came into the room through the arch and was fixing his tie while looking at his watch.

“Pete don’t tell me you made that crap diet food for me today, I’m gonna have a long day of meetings and a burger already sounds amazing for lunch.” Peter scrunched up his freckled nose in distaste at the grease patty his father called heaven.

Peter poured his dad's coffee in a stainless steel coffee cup. “Daddy you know Dr. Strange said that it’s the best way to help if you want to live past fifty.” Tony rolled his eyes and took the packed food and coffee cup anyways. “So now you're going to listen to whatever that man tells you?” Peter pecked his dad’s cheek, rubbing away the gloss smudge with his thumb with a fond smile.

“I’m gonna listen to any man with a Bachelor's degree daddy.” His dad smiled fondly and hugged his son. “That’s my boy.” And before Tony left through the archway to the foyer he turned around and looked Peter up and down.

“You and the girls plan something for after school? Because you know we’re going out tonight kid.” Peter looked down over his clothes for the day. A Versace dual print button-up that reached down midthigh with white shorts. And a white Gucci belt to cinch his waist to show his figure and his white leather Prada pumps with his Speedy Bandouliere 25 to tie everything together.

“We’re matching today and it was Nat’s turn to pick the designer, and I know dad all you’ve been talking about is this dinner.” Tony hummed and sipped his coffee, rolling his eyes at his son’s attitude but, never-the-less hugged Peter and both walked out to the front of their round-about cobbled driveway and both went into their respectable vehicles.

----------

Once Peter rolled up to Natasha’s giant house with the same green patch of luscious grass and beautifully cut bushes around the property with giant gates at the entrance, Peter honked twice, and while waiting he checked himself out in his bedazzled hand mirror.

His curls for the day were in wet-styled auburn curls and his eyes were glossed with a wet shine and blush blended perfectly into his tan skin from his dad’s last business trip in Mexico. Peter smiled at the enchanting memory of mimosas being handed to him on the beach with the sound of waves crashing in the background and oiled pure white skin under the blazing sun and the sound of beautiful Latino music playing at the beach’s bar behind him.

Peter remembered the dream-like Hispanic men lounging around him in swimming shorts and glorious brown skin and bright white smiles. His dad finally enjoyed his time without work or stress at the bar, smiling and laughing with beautiful Latina women.

Peter snapped out of his loving memory when Natasha jumped in the front seat of his white topless jeep.

“Hey Pete, hurry so we can get to Shuri’s house, I don’t want to hear her complain about being late to class.” She rolled her eyes lovingly and looked at herself through the front seat mirror and pushed up her curls.

He snorted at Nat's teasing and pulled away from the curb. “You know that outfit will catch Steve’s eye right?” She looked me up and down with a devilish smirk on her red painted lips, Peter always did admire how she pulled off red so damn well.

Peter looked over at her once they hit a red light. “Every outfit I wear catches that man’s eye, Nat.” Then another burst of laughter came out from both of them.

Once Peter pulled up to Shuri’s house, he already knew she was gonna give them hell for the time.

Peter absentmindedly looked at the time on the jeep, only ten minutes ‘till the bell rings, they’ve got plenty of time. Shuri came in the car with a flourish of the door slamming shut and a huff that came from her lips. While Peter was pulling away from the curb he looked in the rearview mirror and smiled at Shuri.

“What’s got you in a fit S?” Shuri flung a strand of her box braid behind her shoulder in annoyance and sulked in the back with her Prada handbag clutched in her lap. “T’Challa was actin’ lame this mornin’, only because I asked him why he was acting out last night with his friends,” And once Shuri started talking about her brother, both Natasha and Peter tuned in, even when they arrived in the school’s parking lot, the deets on T was always juicy.

“Get this guys I overheard T talkin’ about you Pete and how he’s surprised your daddy hasn’t sent you to a catholic school already because he and his friends think you're easy, then somehow that turned into a convo on how he would totally--and I quote--"Tap that ass".” She said this conversationally while all three of them were walking towards the school with their heels clicking and bags in hand.

Peter gawked and Nat let out a snort. “Okay, but doesn’t he know that Pete is a total virgin?” Nat brought up while Peter was minutely speechless for the first time in forever and then he snapped back to life. “What a skeeze.'' Both girls nodded in resolution and then they split for class once they got into the school’s hallway.

———

At lunch Peter walked to his and the girls' table in the middle of the outside cafeteria with a lime popsicle in one dainty hand, sucking the tip of the icy treat while soaking in the glances he got from his peers. Peter sat with a flourish and waved at the girls in greeting.

“Pete whatcha doing tonight I wanna see if you could go shopping with us.” Wanda leaned forward with her chewing gum on one finger while she chewed on her apple slices.

Peter pouted, “Sorry Wand, I got this dinner thing with my dad and his friends tonight.” Wanda gave a humph and hunched her shoulders. “You know I find it weird how Pete’s dad is an actual DILF and his friends are just as fine.” Shuri brought up, which got the girls around the table nodding in agreement. Peter rolled his eyes and flipped Shuri off when she broke out laughing.

Lunch had just begun but usually, Steve would be right next to Peter with his macchiato in hand. “Looking for your boy toy?” Shuri swirled a baby carrot in the dollop of the ranch she only treated herself to once a month.

Peter grimaced and shook his head indifferently, sucking the treat back into his mouth with an eye roll from his friend's laughter. Peter knew that Steve had it for him and was at his beck and call even if he acted like he was just doing it to be nice.

Peter rarely felt guilty for using his crush to his advantage but he also explicitly told Steve that he wasn’t looking to date anyone. Besides his father would go ballistic on him, he distinctly told him he wasn’t allowed to date anyone, and I quote, ‘until you find a guy who has his own business that I can buy and make sure that I have control over him’.

Peter was drawn out of his thoughts when he realized there was a shadow cast over him. Peter turned and titled his head up, there standing was his saving grace in the hands of his best friend. “One almond milk macchiato with no foam and two shots of espresso for my very beautiful best friend, Peter Stark.”

Sam by Steve’s side made a face and looked at Steve hurt, “I thought I was your beautiful best friend.” Steve ignored him though and smiled beamingly at Peter’s plucked arched eyebrow. “You gonna give me it or are you also my handler.” Nat by his side snorted and shook her head. “Not until you look at my outfit Stark.” Peter rolled his eyes with an apathetic air to him.

Peter didn’t like playing Steve’s silly games, but he still wanted his coffee and he wanted it now. So he let his eyes roam up and down Steve’s body. A Classic Damier Pique polo and nice fitted dusty blue slacks. He wore a smirk on those lips every female seemed to love and his blonde hair was slicked back with a pair of black Gucci sunglasses on his head.

Peter furrowed his brows and glared at Natasha who was pointedly not catching his eyes. “Did Nat tell you we were matching with Louis today?”

“Just took a wild guess, cuz I know she knows what I like on you.” Peter rolled his eyes and feigned a vexed look. “You know I told you I can't have you flirting with me Stevie, I'm not allowed to date.” Steve shrugged his shoulders and handed over Peter’s drink.

“You know you can't keep me away from you, doll.” Sam scoffed next to him and shook his head, walking away from the situation and heading towards the benches where their friends stood.

“You better follow your only source of affection before he decides to not hold your hand anymore when your feelings get hurt.” Peter waved his hand in a dismissive way and turned back to the table.

Steve shook his head, even though Peter wasn’t paying any more attention to him. Sometimes Steve wishes he could just smack the sense into Peter that he would do anything to be with him. Maybe instead of a smack, it’d be a kiss.

----------

At Eleven Madison Park, Peter dined with his father, Rhodey, and Dr. Banner. The bright smiles and charisma felt like second nature to Peter, he was taught great mannerisms by his Nonna and Nonno when he used to stay at their condo in Malibu while his dad was out on business trips.

“Listen, all I'm saying Tony, is that Pete has the credentials to be a part of my branch.” Bruce held his hands up in surrender. Peter sipped the glass of champagne idly, pretending that he wasn’t the face of this conversation.

“Oh trust me, I know my genius son has the credentials to be a part of any big business. But I rather him not work for anyone,” Tony cut a piece of steak with vigor and popped it in his mouth.

“Besides he’s too much like me, he wouldn’t listen to you Bruce, he likes challenges.” Bruce laughed and shook his head, looking over at Peter with a smile.

“The kids gotta start somewhere Tones.” Rhodey pointed out with a raised brow, his eyes going over to Peter where he was cutting a sliver from his seasoned lamb. “Jeez, Rhodes you say it like my son can’t start out big.” Tony lifted his wine glass to his lips with a stubborn glint to his eyes, he always did get protective of his son.

“I never said that-” Rhodey was cut off by a phone's ringtone chiming. Tony grunted and pulled out his stark phone with an annoyed air to him. Rhodey looked over to Peter and gave a pleading look, “I never said that Pete.” Peter laughed under his breath and lifted his champagne flute towards Rhodey in a tribute to his faith in the man. “I know Rhodey.”

Rhodey smiled and saluted his glass back, sipping his white wine and looking over at Bruce trying to not grimace at his meal. “Whoever thought to themselves that, “oh yes lamb's tongue sounds like a great meal to serve” should be in prison.” that got Peter smiling wider and knocked the toe of his heel to Bruce’s shin lightly, playfully.

The rest of the dinner was spent with laughs and more teasing, but soon rolled into business talk like it usually trickled into with every event they go to. But before his dad started going on one of his rants on his current projects, Dr. Banner quickly set his wine glass down from lifting to his mouth and hurriedly said: “Maybe we shouldn’t get into details while Peter is still here?”. The words make Peter stop mid-bite and look up from his plate to see the shifty eyes of one Dr. Banner and Tony Stark. Rhodey seemed just as confused and paused in his own autopilot of taking a sip from his tumbler. But before Peter could try and butt in and demand a reason, the waiter came by and asked if they would like any dessert, to which Peter got distracted by his father shoving a menu of the small assortment of desserts the restaurant served. Tony knew his son had a thing for sweets and got lost in his own world easily once he focused on something else. One point to daddy Stark and zero to the poor spawn of the billionaire.

[endofjunee]

🍃 I think I'm falling (I'm falling for you) by @beau-soleil-louis Louis is a disaster gay on a skateboard. Harry is a beautiful, quirky stranger on a bicycle. Their first encounter really makes a splash.  📘 when you say you love me, know i love you more by @jimmytfallon Louis discovers one of Harry's insecurities and happily soothes it away. 

🍃 Falling For Me Won't Be A Mistake by @all-these-larrythings Harry is married to his job and so overworked that he doesn't know how to stop. All it takes is a forced Hawaiian get-a-away, the warm tropical breeze of the island, and the most beautiful, elusive man he's ever seen to make him remember what living is like outside of work. Well, that, and the little souvenir he accidentally takes home with him.

📘 Sun Means The Sky'll Be Blue by @twoheartsbeating​ As the only singleton under thirty attending his cousin's five-day wedding, Harry is desperate to find a date, or at least a reason to get people's questions about his love life off his back. So when Louis, Harry's old uni roommate and fellow wedding attendee waltzes back into his life, Harry seizes the opportunity, pretending Louis is his ex-boyfriend and that it's a sore subject not to be mentioned.

If it's a little bit closer to the truth than Harry would like, well, he's a master at living in denial.

So cue a mess of trudged-up feelings, past misunderstandings, a rekindled summer romance and a whole lot of sexually-charged bickering. 🍃 i was getting kinda used to being someone you loved by @werebothstubborn His hand clamps down over Louis’ mouth as firmly as he can manage. “What do you want? C'mon, you have my full attention now. What. Do. You. Want.”

Louis manages to look apologetic as he licks slobbery circles around Harry's palm until he lets go. “Pretend to be my boyfriend,” he says, dramatically gulping in as much air as he can breathe.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“This bloke just came up to me, said he’d give us fifty quid to be in his music video.”

“And you said what? ‘Sure, just let me coerce my friend into it with uncomfortable amounts of PDA and blackmail’?”

Or, Louis has a brilliant idea. Harry begs to differ. Until he doesn't. 📘 say that you can see me (i'll speak up i swear) by @coffeelouis “Well, it’s not like anyone really RSVPs,” Liam defends when Harry turns back to him, “No one takes Facebook events seriously.” Harry rolls his eyes, still finding it within himself to get annoyed in his moment of panic. Liam has been complaining about the lack of accountability Facebook events have bred in their generation since their freshman year. Harry glances back to the gallery entrance. Yep, still there and moving closer.

“But aren’t you guys friends?” Harry asks, trying to convey the urgency in his tone.

“Well, I mean, I talk to him when he stops by the office for supplies sometimes,” Liam reasons, “But I wouldn’t say we’re friends, exactly. Maybe more like, friendly acquaintances?”

Harry groans. “You’re the fucking worst.”

Or, the liberal arts COLLEGE AU where Harry knows Louis as the best friend of the boy he has been hopelessly in love with for years now and Louis knows Harry as this boy he wished would look away from Zayn long enough to notice him. 🍃 Light My Fire, Blow My Flame by @goldbootsandvans “In New York, you can be a new man.” Broadway actor Louis Tomlinson has it all. An amazing flat, a wonderful friend group, a Tony under his belt, and the world at his fingertips. Yet there’s one thing that’s missing. And it might be in the shape of the curly haired lawyer who becomes Zayn’s new roommate.

Or, Louis is a Broadway actor, Harry is a newly graduated lawyer, Liam is a radio DJ, Zayn is an English Professor at NYU, and Niall is a music producer. A Friends AU. 📘 you move like water (yeah and you broke like waves) by @wankerville He gets it, he gets that he's weird, and clumsy, and his hair always seems to be a little greasy. He gets that he talks too slow and has a terrible movie taste and falls too fast, whatever. He can understand that Louis sees him as no more than a friend, and he can live with it. But he can't live with just being a fuck to him, thats something you say about a stripper, or a one night stand, but thats not them. They are best friends who have slept with each other three times already. He could at least call it ‘platonic love making’ or something other than a fuck.

Or, the four times harry sleeps with louis and wakes up alone and the one time he doesnt. 🍃 If the Surface Begs You Home by @becomeawendybird Harry is a mermaid from the underwater kingdom of Mercadia who is a little too fascinated by life above the surface. He's kicked out of his home after he winds up pregnant, and has to figure out how to make his way in the world. 

Louis is the darling of the small neighbouring seaside village who came home after university to take over their local library, and can't seem to stay away from the mysterious pregnant mermaid his friends introduce him to.  📘 No Love Like Your Love by @all-these-larrythings When it comes to saving the world from itself and convincing rich CEOs of environmentally harmful companies to go green, there's nobody better than Harry Styles. That is, until Louis Tomlinson, his ex and former Alpha, is involved.   🍃 Watch the Sun Coming Up by @sadaveniren As Louis approaches his thirtieth birthday his pack is desperate for him to find a mate.

Harry has always expected one day he may settle down with a nice alpha and they would continue to live in his small hometown.

Together they somehow will make this work. 📘 Consequences by @allwaswell16 Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

An amnesia au. 🍃 Becoming Us by @sweariwouldnt  Married at First Sight is a television show in which hopefuls looking for The One are matched by experts deeming them to be the perfect match. The twist? They meet each other for the first time at the altar. When they exchange their 'I do's'. And get married for real.

One Harry and Louis find each other at the altar. They have five weeks to make or break the set-up marriage. 📘 A Taste of Desire by @casuallyhl “As forward as I have been with you this evening, I am also aware this dinner party isn’t the place to conduct business.” Mr. Tomlinson chuckles quietly to himself, shooting a subtle glance across the table towards their hostess. “And besides, I am sure our hostess would be horribly disappointed to learn that we went away this evening with a business agreement and not a mating one.”

Harry, who had been sipping his wine, coughs harshly at this. He splutters, unaccustomed to such blatant statements about mating.

Mr. Tomlinson continues to laugh quietly, clearly pleased at Harry’s reaction.

“Mrs. Humphreys promised that there was an alpha attending the dinner tonight that I would certainly get on well with,” Mr. Tomlinson continues, voice teasing. “She assured me that we would have much in common since we both work with mills.” Mr. Tomlinson glances at Harry, eyes flashing with mirth. “Little did she know that would be where our mutual interests began and ended.”

Or, a Victorian ABO where Harry is the owner of the most successful cotton mill in Manchester, and Louis is an opinionated social activist about to disrupt Harry’s world. 🍃 You're My Only Hope by @chloehl10 Harry and Louis have been hoping to start a family for a while, but it hasn't happened for them just yet. With the surprise arrival of a newborn baby on the doorstep at work, are their family dreams about to become reality?  📘 freaks from the internet by @jaerie  Harry sells his breast milk to freaks on the internet. Louis turns out to be one of those freaks. He also happens to be Harry's ex.  🍃 Stealing Flowers by @lululawrence​ When Louis finally arrived, he walked in and grabbed an apron. Without even saying hello, he immediately approached Jesy and said, “Sexy Stranger steals flowers.”

She kept pouring the Tanqueray shots she had lined up in front of her, but her face screwed up in confusion. “I’m sorry, he what? Did you finally talk to him and that was what you learned?”

He nodded to another couple of tourists and welcomed them to the Way Station as they eagerly made their way to the Tardis restroom.

“No, I didn’t actually talk to him, but—”

“Then how do you know he steals flowers?”

She was wiping down the bar and stacking the empty glasses to take back to the dishwasher when Louis realized maybe he should help too. After all, he was there to work, not just talk to her about his maybe crush.

“I saw a poster.”

Or the one where Louis pines after the Sexy Stranger on the Subway and almost asks him out. That's when the strange posters start showing up around Brooklyn. 📘 hard for me to know i might see you around by @coffeelouis The next profile shows a guy and his horse both crashing into the ground, the bio below reading:

"Hi, I'm Louis, I suck at riding horses so I ride dick."

Harry rolls his eyes and swipes left, but before he can consider the next profile in his feed, there’s a quiet “Oof” from right behind him.

Or, a TINDER AU where Harry swipes left on Louis' joke of a profile, then ends up stuck next to him on a trans-Atlantic flight. 🍃 Hey, Mr. DJ by @allwaswell16 Harry really, really does NOT want to go out to a club tonight and be hassled by a bunch of alpha knotheads, but against his better judgement, he finds himself alone on the dance floor, barefoot, with an orange in his hand. This is all Niall's fault. At least the DJ is the most strikingly gorgeous alpha he's ever seen...  📘 2,870 Miles by @sadaveniren Harry hated the BT Sports commentators, but considering he couldn’t fly to Baku while eight months pregnant this was all he had if he wanted to watch his husband in the Europa League final.  🍃 one man in his time by @bottomlinsons  “We’re fake-dating and I’m supposed to publicly break up with you but you’ve been irritating me lately so instead of dumping you I publicly proposed to mess up your plan and now we’re getting married, fuck” au.

[Previous Monthly Recs]

[hbwbyniall]

A coffee and a lie (1/2)

The smell of fresh cookies and artisanal chocolate fills the air when Niall enters the coffee shop. He’s looking at his phone that’s in one hand and holding his briefcase as he drags his feet through the floor. Niall sighs, feeling his chest warming up and a smile growing on his face. This place has become like a home away from home to him, he wakes up a little earlier only to enjoy a cup of coffee maybe a bagel or croissant before heading to work. It reminds him of his mom, the way she used to bake for him and his brother on Sunday mornings when they were younger.

It’s seven in the morning and Niall is already tired and not looking forward to start a new day at the bank. It’s not fun spending your days at a desk running numbers and answering calls especially when your idea of the rest of your life was something completely different, but if it wasn’t for Louis and Liam he couldn’t bear an hour at his small cubicle.  

He sits at the counter next to the showcase full of muffins, cookies, pies and cupcakes and Niall can hear the espresso machine in front of him, so he breathes in, closes his eyes just for a second because he knows already this day is gonna be a pain in the ass. He answers a couple of emails and leaves the briefcase in front of him.

He’s no longer the new kid at work, someone came in at the beginning of the week and his cubicle is right next to Niall’s. He’s younger than him and he’s actually excited about working at the bank- It’s not like Niall doesn’t like him, he does, it’s just the fact that he talks a lot about finances and he’s always trying to help the other with their tasks, which is understandable because he’s a smart kid but he must have done something terrible wrong because yesterday the fucking guy that runs the place came to his cubicle only to yell at him and throw some papers on his keyboard.

The poor guy, Christian, stayed silent the rest of the day. Niall shakes his head and takes out his glasses, pressing his nose bridge. He hates rich people, he really does, he hates more that they think they can do or say whatever they want with no repercussions to them.

“I’d kill for a coffee… literally.” Niall mumbles under his breathe.

A steaming cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin are placed in front of him the second the words leave his mouth. Niall looks up to find Harry with a broad smile on his face and his arms crossed, making his biceps look unnecessarily bigger. Niall looks away biting his lips, begging to any deity that Harry’s not looking at his face right now.

“I can’t let that happen, can I?” Harry says standing in front of Niall with his hands on his hips.

Niall smiles and nods, putting his phone over the briefcase and taking the cup of coffee to his lips. “That was very corny.” He whispers, avoiding to make eye contact.

“Well, you like that about me, don’t you?” Harry laughs.

Niall rolls his eyes, making Harry laugh harder. They met six months ago, almost at the same time he started working for the bank at the end of the street. It was a bad morning and Niall didn’t have time for breakfast so anything in his stomach was pretty much welcome, so he entered the first place he could get coffee on his way to work. What he didn’t expect was finding Harry wearing a pink and white striped apron placing muffins in the showcase. He was charming since the beginning and Niall could barely think of his order before stumbling out of the coffee shop.

Niall is aware they flirt almost on a daily basis, but he doesn’t give it too much of thought because that’s how Harry is, it’s part of his nature, Niall has seen it with other clients and even if he was a little bit disappointed at first, he can’t help but feel special every time he speaks to him, or when he smiles wide and bright and his green eyes disappear, or when he laughs so hard about something Niall said, the sound rumbles in the whole place.

Harry is partially responsible of Niall’s good mood for most of days. He also does things like this from time to time, like giving Niall a muffin when he looks stressed in the morning.

“I didn’t order this.” Niall says as he bites the muffin. It’s warm and sweet and Niall may be in love.

“Yes, you did. You just didn’t say it.” Harry smiles again and rests his arms over the table, dangerously close to Niall’s hands, he starts to lean in but somebody gets into the coffee shop, making him sigh and leave Niall to take the order.

The guy pays for his order and finds a table next to the window so he can read whatever is on his iPad. Niall bites his muffin and looks at Harry’s back as he makes the order.

“Have I ever told you I hate rich people?” Niall sighs, finding some kind of consolation in the baked blueberry he finds in the middle of his muffin.

Harry laughs. “Yeah, every time I see you.”

He pours milk in the drink and Niall decides to take a sip of his coffee. “There’s this new guy at work, okay? His name is Christian and he actually likes his job, which I find bizarre,” Harry laughs again, “He’s really smart and he’s good at his thing, but yesterday the fucking asshole that runs the bank, and let me tell you, he’s only in that office because his father is one of the owners of the bank, otherwise I highly doubt Jeff could-”

Niall couldn’t finish the story because Harry drops the paper cup, spilling the drink on the floor, making Niall stand up as a reaction.

“Are you okay?” Niall asks.

“Do you work in the bank at the end of the street?!” Harry turns. His expression is completely different to the one he had seconds ago, which makes Niall frowns.

“Yes, Harry. I’ve told you I work in a bank.” He says, slowly.

“You didn’t tell me you work in that one, there’s three banks near this place Niall-,” Harry’s eyes are wide open and his hands are all over the place, marking his words and pointing in the direction of the banks.

“What’s the matter with it?” Niall asks, because everything sounds ridiculous now, especially the way Harry’s blushing out of nowhere. And don’t get him wrong, Niall loves to see Harry blushing, but this is different. Harry’s voice, the expression on his face, how tense his muscles look, it’s giving Niall goosebumps and not the good kind.

Harry opens his mouth but Niall gets a text from Louis with only SOS on it, which means he forgot to make the report he has to present today and he needs Niall in the bank to help him. He leaves some money on the table telling Harry to keep the change before taking his briefcase and stepping outside in the cold again.

*

“You’ve been incredibly quiet this morning. Are you mad at me?” Niall look up to find Louis resting both arms over the separation that divided their cubicles.

Niall frowns for a second until realize he’s been staring at the excel document on his monitor for almost twenty minutes. He sighs as he leans over his chair, pulling it at his right to give Louis space to enter his space.

“Remember Harry?” Niall asks putting the pencil he was biting on the desk.

Louis squints until he opens his mouth, “Your coffee guy?”

“He’s not my coffee guy,” Niall rolls his eyes, “he’s my barista,” he stumbles with his words a second later, “I mean, the guy that serves me coffee every day.”

A smirk grows almost comically on Louis’ face, “Same thing. What happened? Did you finally ask him out?”

Niall shakes his head, playing with the pencil with his fingers just to have something to do with his hands, “Something weird happened today.” He says, gentle, almost like he’s telling a secret.

“Something weird?” Louis repeats confused. Niall nods, “What do you mean?”

Niall nods, biting his lips. “He went crazy when I told him I work in this bank. He knew I worked in a bank, but he went nuts when I said it was this one.”

Louis nods, sitting over his desk, his finger tapping his lips, like he’s actually thinking this through. Niall stares at him, waiting for his answer because he’s very confused and he is also aware of the huge crush he has on this boy. He doesn’t really know why he told Louis about Harry, maybe because he has been in a very loving relationship for six years. If the time they broke up doesn’t count. Louis went crazy before they got back together just like he was driving Niall crazy with questions after noticing he was way too smiley at 8 in the morning. “No one is in that good of a mood on a Monday, Niall. Not even a morning person, and you are not one.” He said.

So he told him about Harry, and the way he makes him feel, he told him about the things he bakes and his eyes, and maybe he talked about his smile, and when he finally woke up from his daydreaming, Louis’ eyes were wide open and he was already calling Liam to tell him that “little Niall is in love, they grow up so fast!”. After that every morning consists on them asking him if he finally asked him on a date. The answer never changes from a no to a yes. Niall made them promise him not to go to the bakery only to see what Harry looked like just because he refused to take a picture. Liam respects his privacy and Louis is too lazy to wake up that early just to catch Harry in the morning, and he never mentioned something about it, so Niall assumes he’s safe.

Niall sighs when he sees Louis changes his thinking pose and he’s ready to stand up to get a cup of coffee when it hits him, he never finished his coffee or the muffin. Life sucks sometimes.

“Maybe he has some beef with the bank.” Louis says, like it’s the most obvious thing ever.

Niall frowns, trying to figure out if he’s serious or he’s just messing with him. He crosses his arms and Louis stands up.

“I went on a date with this girl when El and I were on a break and she only agreed to it because she thought I could do something about her loan requirement.” He says putting his hands on his hips.

“Really?” Niall asks. Harry is not that type of person, right?

“Yeah, maybe your boy was denied here or something. Not your fault,” Louis laughs, “you should talk about it.”

Niall nods and Louis leaves his cubicle, tapping his shoulder.

*

He barely got sleep last night, he was trying to find ways to apologize until he realized he doesn’t have to apologize for anything. They should talk, Niall has to tell Harry how his job only consists of evaluating the loans applicants and how in no way, does he has the power to decide where the money goes.

So that’s what he is rehearsing in his head when he opens the door and walks to the cash register where Harry is standing in his pink apron and his shy smile, and for some reason, Niall gets nervous. He is about to open his mouth when Harry talks.

“Go on a date with me.” He says out of breath, like he just ran a whole marathon and he needs water, which is funny because Niall’s mouth feels dry.

“What?” Niall whispers and clears his throat, because maybe his brain is playing with him and the guy who he’s been fantasizing about is not actually asking him on a date.

“You come here every day at 7 in the morning when I know your job starts at 8. You order the same thing every day and we talk until your coffee is cold and you have to drink it all at once because it’s disgusting but you never ask me to microwave it.” Harry stops to take a breath and he looks down, feeling his cheeks getting warm. “But, Niall… Why do you think I’m here every morning waiting for you?”

Niall frowns as he looks up and sees Harry biting his lips, “Because it’s your job?” he asks avoiding eye contact.

Harry coughs, running his fingers through his hair, “I mean I asked for this shift. So I can see you.”

Niall finally looks at his eyes, laughing because this seems unreal, but he is so happy and he doesn’t want to mess anything up, so he nods, making Harry smile as well.

*

It’s funny, how it’s physically impossible for Niall to restrain himself from smiling the rest of the day. And if it wasn’t for Louis telling him he’s been humming for almost half an hour, he wouldn’t have noticed. Niall is vibrating and warm inside, it’s a whole new kind of excitement he never felt before. He’s not the best at relationships, he has so many walls around him and it’s really hard for him to trust people. But he’s just scared, his parents divorced when he was really young which made him grow up faster than he should have. He took care of himself to make things easier on his dad and somehow that built a breach between him and his brother.

He knows he played a big part in his breakups, not giving as much as he received, caring but not showing so, loving but almost in secret, so it wasn’t really a surprise when people called it off, Bressie told him a million times, unless he’s willing to open up to a significant other, they would never see a future with him. And yes, Niall has been hurt, but it was never too deep to really leave a scar on him, he always prepared himself for that kind of ending anyway.

But somehow, with Harry it feels different. Everything about him feels different and it terrifies him but not as much as it excites him. He knew the first time he saw him entering that coffee shop, he felt it when he first smiled at him and he knows now when his palms sweat just thinking of Friday night.

It’s finally lunch time when he tells them about the date, which surprises them both. Louis thought the best he could get of a conversation is things back to normal and Liam is just happy for him. After a couple of seconds of silence, Louis starts with the banter.

Nothing really changes the next days. He still goes to the bakery in the morning, but now Harry eats breakfast with him at a table in the back of the place, changes the sign from open to closed and assures Niall that the owner is on vacation and he won’t know.

“People barely come here this early in the morning anyway, Niall.”

Harry says that with a smile that makes the 26 year old grown ass man that Niall is, blush. And Niall doubts it, because he keeps seeing people walking past the coffee shop and look at the sign before walking away. But he doesn’t say anything about it until Friday morning, because these last mornings have been amazing. He’s gotten to enjoy Harry in a way he didn’t in the last six months. He tells these stupid jokes that make Niall laugh just to see Harry’s smile and eyes shine so bright, it warms his chest.

They also talk about a lot of stuff. Music, concerts and cities they’d love to visit one day, friends and family and how much they love them. Harry is like no one Niall met before, he’s so smart and well-spoken that Niall forgets how clumsy he can be. He loves rom-coms more than he should and he is also a pretty good chef – according to him – and he is a cat person and prefers tea over coffee.

Knowing these things make everything make more sense, because Niall feels like he’s already falling, but somehow he knows Harry would be there to catch him. Maybe it’s the way Harry looks at him, the way his hands touch when they’re over the table and his foot play around with his. It doesn’t really matter because when Harry is biting his smile after telling a silly joke and Niall looks at his watch and knows he has to go to work, he loses that spark in his eyes the same way Niall does, so Niall is certain he’s gonna miss him too.

But he’s been getting late to work these past mornings and Harry really needs to attend to other people, especially when he’s the only one in the coffee shop. So that morning Harry kisses him on the cheek as a goodbye and Niall can’t wait for tonight.

The day passes slowly, like it’s making fun of Niall, he gets tons of phone calls and finishes two reports just to distract himself. He is already a nervous wreck and Louis is not helping at all with his not so subtle looks and eyebrows rising, but Liam helps to tone it down. It’s almost embarrassing his friends know about this date, but he puts the thought in the back of his mind.

But then the date comes and it’s all a blur. One second they’re in the Royal Observatory in Greenwich because apparently Harry remembered the whole week Niall spent talking about how much he loves space. It is bit magical, and Niall is speechless. Harry says he bought the tickets online before Niall could worry about anything else other than enjoying the view so he doesn’t notice when Harry steps closer to him, but he feels when he interweaves their hands and fingers. So he rests on Harry’s chest because it feels right and he can.

Harry drives them to the London Eye after the Observatory because Niall has been living in London for over a year he hasn’t visited yet. They buy some fish and chips to eat with the view of London in front of them and it’s good and this may be the best date Niall has ever had. It wasn’t forced, it was simple and significant and he didn’t realize how much attention Harry put paid to him until now.

So when they’re standing in front of Niall’s apartment, he sees the kiss coming. He sees Harry playing with his feet trying to extend the conversation, keeping his hands in his coat, biting his lips until he finally looks up at Niall and gets closer, letting the air leave his lungs and escape his lips. He opens them just enough to let Niall know what’s coming.

Harry extends his hand and touches Niall’s cheek, making him close his eyes and sigh until he feels Harry’s lips in his, gently touching until he opens his mouth and Harry holds him tight, licking his bottom lip, asking for permission, Niall tangles his fingers in his hair, giving in to him.

“Can you?” Harry pulls apart, mimicking the glasses on his face. Niall laughs, nodding as he takes the glasses off and puts them in his coat’s pocket.

They meet in the middle, but this time Niall is in Harry’s arms and they step back until Niall’s back hits the door and they laugh for a second before they kiss again. Niall feels Harry’s nose on his cheek and he smiles, holding the nape of his neck, feeling how his whole body blushes.

“I wanted to do that for a long time.” Harry says as he breathes in, looking at Niall in the eyes, taking his breath away.

“Me too.” Niall whispers, pecking Harry’s lips, making him laugh.

Harry sighs and just stands there with his arms around Niall, looking at him and Niall lets him, standing still because he just wants to look at him for a moment too.

*

They text until they see each other on Monday. Not much changes, maybe just the fact that Niall seems to be a little bit happier since he came to London. They have breakfast together every day and Niall kisses Harry goodbye if there’s no one else in the coffee shop. And even if he hates his job and he has to put up with his bosses and the friends they bring along time to time then so be it.

Louis and Liam ask to meet him three times a week, but things are going great and he doesn’t want to rush anything, and he also wants Harry for himself a little longer before he has to share him.

Niall takes them to see The Killers that weekend, because they were in town and they had a blast. Harry was jumping all over the place and Niall underestimated his knowledge about the lyrics of their songs. But it was good and Harry kissed him when they played Romeo and Juliet and even when Niall called it soppy, he loved it.

For the third date they go to a nice restaurant to have dinner. They drink wine – too much wine – and eat pasta. They also laugh the whole evening, and it was fine because it wasn’t a fancy restaurant, it was small and cozy and it made you feel like home. So when they’re kissing at Niall’s doorstep, he doesn’t stop them, he opens the door and turns the lights on touching the wall, trying to find the switch and he closes the door with his foot.

Harry’s hands are on his waist as they pull apart for a second, just to look at each other’s eyes. Niall nods and the next thing he feels is Harry undoing the strap and letting his pants hit the floor. Niall rests his arms on Harry’s shoulders and kisses him again, feeling Harry unbutton his shirt. Harry lifts him up and Niall crosses his legs around his waist, pointing at his bedroom door. They don’t turn on the lights when they enter. Niall can hear Harry’s breathing in his ear and his hands pressing the skin on his thighs.

Niall falls on the mattress and Harry stands in front of him, his legs next to Niall’s thighs, taking his shirt off without breaking eye contact with Niall, and somehow, in the middle of the darkness in Niall’s messy room, Harry looks glorious, tall and muscular and that look of fierce determination on his face. He freaks out momently. Is he really going to sleep with Harry on the third date? Is he gonna find him on the other side of his bed the next morning?

He doesn’t have time to think about it when Harry leans in and kisses him on the lips, biting his bottom lip and stretching it just to make him moan, which works. Harry’s touching him in a way he’s never been touched before. And it’s a little bit rough, like he’s trying to imprint his scent on his skin, but he takes it all, the kisses on his jaw and he bites on his neck, the fingertips on his love handles and the compliments whispered into his ear.

When he wakes up the next morning to find Harry already looking at him and playing with his hair, he knows he doesn’t have to worry about anything.

*

“I’m thinking of taking Harry to the new restaurant down the street.” Niall says during their lunch time, taking a sip of his soup.

“The Italian one?” Louis asks, Niall nods. “That’s Harry Styles’, right Liam?”

Niall and Louis turn to Liam just to see him nod before biting his burger.

“Who’s Harry Styles?” Niall asks, drinking his soup again until he hears forks hitting the table and finds his two friends staring at him with open mouths.

“You don’t know who Harry Styles is?” Louis asks, in shock. Niall shrugs.

“He’s Des Styles’ son. The other owner of the bank.” Liam answers, slowly, like this must be something Niall should know by common knowledge.

“Are they Italian?” He asks, Louis laughs.

“He was a chef before studying business to take over the company one day. I think the condition was for his father to give him a restaurant first. Typical playboy millionaire kind of thing but rumors say his mother got tired of it so they threatened him to disinherit if he didn’t put his life in order.” Liam answers again, losing the interest in the lack of awareness of the Styles family from Niall.

“So, it’s expensive?” Niall looks at Louis.

“Hell yeah.”

*

They’re in Niall’s apartment watching something on Netflix when the conversation he had with Louis the other day pops up in his head. It all started with Louis demanding to finally meet Harry but Niall keeps pushing the idea away until Louis asked if he has met Harry’s friends already. And after Niall stayed in silence for a while Louis decided to look him up in Facebook but then Niall realized one thing.

“What’s your last name, Harry?” Niall asks looking up from Harry’s lap as he chokes on the chips he was eating.

“What?” Harry coughs, tapping his chest as Niall sits next to him, rubbing his back.

“Louis wanted to add you in Facebook when I realized I don’t know your last name.” Niall laughs, nervously.

He didn’t think about it too much. It was simple when it needed to be. Harry was only a cute barista he used to see every day, and yeah maybe he pinned after him for a long time, but he wasn’t brave enough to make deeper questions when they were just friends. But now they’re in some kind of relationship and Niall realizes he doesn’t know much about Harry.

He knows about his favorite food and his favorite shows, he knows what he likes to do in his free time and how his voice sounds when he’s sleepy, he knows how his mouth tastes and how his hands feels on his body but it’s been four months and he doesn’t know his fucking last name, or the name of his parents or his sister, he doesn’t know where he lives or any of his friends, and that’s making him a little uncomfortable.

Niall is still under Harry’s spell, but he can see a little clear now.

“I don’t have a Facebook account.” Harry says, after taking a sip of the water Niall brought him from the kitchen.

Niall stares at him, because that wasn’t his question.

“Cox. My last name is Cox.” He says, almost sounding insecure, but Niall smiles anyway, resting his body on Harry’s chest.

Niall feels his boyfriend’s arms around him and a little kiss on his neck.

*

“I told you it was a mess.” Harry says after turning the lights on.

Niall laughs because his apartment is not a mess, stuff should be in the apartment to be a mess.

“I’m still moving in.” Harry explains when Niall walks into the center of the living room with his hands on his hips where there’s only a sofa and a lot of boxes unopened.

“I’ll help you unpack.” Niall says as he turns to Harry, adjusting his glasses on his nose, sighing for the work they have ahead of them.

Harry drops the keys on the rack next to the door and walks to Niall, bumping their chests and making Niall laugh as he closes his arms around his waist.

“What if we inaugurate the bedroom first?” Harry asks, biting Niall’s lobe.

Niall laughs harder, “You’re an idiot.”

But he doesn’t resist when Harry makes him back walk to what seems to be his room.

*

Life is great. It’s a silly thing to say but it feels good to say it. Niall is happy and for the first time in his life, he’s not afraid to say so to the people in his life. He told his parents about Harry a few weeks ago and it went really well.

“You should bring him home for Christmas.” His mom had said, and Niall could see her smile in her tone of voice.

He has a boyfriend that he sees almost every day and it’s been working pretty well for already six months. They spent most of their free time together and Niall’s been thinking about asking Harry to finally meet his friends. They’re adults and it feels like they’re teenagers trying to pass the three months barrier – which they have – before getting too serious.

The thing is, Niall already feels like they’re serious or maybe it’s the booze talking right now. Louis is talking too loud and Liam is with Sophia bringing more drinks. The beginning of the night was good, he told them everything about Harry to Eleanor and she was yelling about how she wants to meet him and Harry was supposed to be there, Niall hadn’t told him he would be meeting his friends but he called last minute, his mother wanted to see him and he had to drive all the way back to Holmes Chapel so they could talk. He reassured Niall nothing was wrong and Niall hung up feeling a little heavy in the chest.

Now he’s alone at the table as he sees his friends with their significant others and he misses Harry so much so he does the first thing that comes to his mind. He stands up and almost falls over trying to getting out of the bar so he can call Harry without the noise of the music and the screams.

The phone rings four times before someone picks up.

“Hello? Harry’s-”

“Harry!” Niall screams, laughing a second later. “I miss you so much.”

“Who is this?” A deep voice answers and for a moment, Niall doesn’t recognize Harry, but it must be the alcohol.

“Me? Your boyfriend, Niall?” He answers, almost offended but he lets it pass because Harry is very cute and he really wants to kiss him right now. “How is your mom? Everything all right?” Niall sighs as he stands next to a wall, Harry doesn’t answer. “I’m so tired Haz, I wanna go to bed.” He yawns. “Have I told you what my asshole boss did today?”

There’s a silence on the other side of the line until someone clears his throat.

“No, you didn’t. What boss?”

“Jeff Azoff, who else?” Niall laughs. “He’s a jerk. He called me to his office today and laughed at my face after I presented a sustainable lean requirement. That business has ground, Harry! I evaluated it myself!”

The line goes dead and Niall finds himself staring at his phone before shrugging and stepping inside the bar again.

*

It’s been a lazy morning. He talked about meeting his friends with Harry in the morning and even though he seemed a little bit reluctant, he promised they will talk about it after work at Niall’s apartment. Which is good, Niall will order pizza and maybe just invite Liam and Louis over so Harry can’t escape this time.

He knows it’s childish, but Niall doesn’t understand why Harry is so nervous, he has assured him multiple times there’s no way his friends won’t like him when he makes him this happy. Harry just smiles and kisses his forehead like there’s things he’s keeping inside that he is not ready to let go of yet.

And that makes him sad, that Harry doesn’t trust him the way he’d like him to. Maybe that’s karma, maybe it’s his turn to be patient one and let Harry come to terms with their relationship, but Niall is more than willing to wait. He loves Harry, and even if he hasn’t told him yet, he feels like it’s gonna slip out of his mouth any second now.

“Niall?”

Niall turns to his left only to find Christian looking at him.

“Azoff called you to his office.”

“Again?” Niall asks, Christian shrugs and returns to type on the computer.

Niall stands up and stretches before walking to the elevator and pressing the third floor button and going to the end of the hallway, to Azoff’s office. He takes a deep breath and knocks on the door and opens it after being told to.

“Good morning, sir.” Niall greets as he walks to the chair.

“You don’t need to sit. You’re fired.”

Niall freezes and he feels like a truck just hit him on the chest, he opens his mouth to at least ask why when an item in Jeff Azoff’s desk caught his attention. His breathing speeds up and he feels his heart rising up as well. A framed photograph is on the desk that wasn’t there the day before, positioned to look at the door, like it was especially placed there for Niall to see.

He walks up to the desk and takes the frame in his hands. Niall feels like he can’t breathe. In the picture is Jeff and his wife at his wedding, but in the middle on them, with his arms over their shoulders and the biggest smile on his face, is Harry.

“You know someone in that picture, Mr. Horan?” Jeff asks, crosses hands over his knee.

Niall shakes his head, tears blurring his vision.

“I don’t know what game you’re playing, but you’re gonna stop it right now. You think I don’t know the shit you talk about me outside these doors? Everyone talks shit about me, I don’t care. But you don’t mess with my family.” He’s standing now and yelling right at Niall’s face, but he can’t really hear anything other thing that his own heartbeat.

“How do you know him?” Niall asks him, quietly, drawing his face with his fingertip.

Jeff laughs. “I’ve known him since the day he was born.”

Niall nods, feeling the tears falling down his face and leaves the room as Jeff keeps screaming something about a plan that won’t work and money he will never touch. Niall feel sick to his stomach, so he runs to the closest restroom he can find and lets the coffee and the bagel he ate with Harry this morning in the toilet. He has to cover his mouth with his hand when he can’t help but cry, because a lot of things make sense now. The not knowing anything about Harry, not knowing anyone around him and his constant refusal of meeting important people in Niall’s life.

He feels dumb, he feels so fucking stupid because he can’t understand why yet. Why would someone like Harry lie to him? To mess him up? To sleep with him? How could he go on with a lie for almost a year?

Niall stands up and walks to the mirror. His cheeks are red and his eyes are swollen. He dips his face in the water and then he dries it up with a paper towel before going back to the second floor and walking to his cubicle.

“What the fuck happened to you?” Louis walks to him before he could even reach his stuff.

“I’m fired.” Niall smiles, trying to regulate his breathing.

“What do you mean you’re fired?!” Liam appears at his side a second later.

Niall tries to avoid them as he takes his phone, his briefcase and puts his jacket on, taking his identification out of his neck.

“What is going on?” Louis asks, squishing Niall’s arm.

“I’ll call you later, I need to talk to someone first.”

He doesn’t really know what he’s gonna tell Harry when he sees him. Maybe he’s gonna ask him why, maybe he’ll just ask if he actually feels something for him or if this was all a game. And Niall is scared like he never was before, he feels his heart in his throat and his mind is running with a million different thoughts.

Niall crosses the street and sees the bakery, fully open and operational, he’s about to step in when he stops himself. Inside there’s five different people serving the tables wearing those pink aprons and Harry is standing in one of the white columns, wearing a black suit pant, a white shirt and a watch that could cost Niall’s entire apartment. Sitting in front of him is Des Styles in a classy suit and next to him is a beautiful girl with a tablet in her hands, laughing with the two of them like they’ve known each other since forever.

He doesn’t goes in. He turns around and goes to the subway so he can get home and sleep until he’s back in college in Dublin and this is just a bad dream.

*

Someone knocking at the door wakes him up. Niall stays in bed, looking at his closed window and feeling like shit. The lights gone and he guesses he slept until night, which is fine. He prefers to be sleeping right now.

“Niall? Baby? Are you there?” Harry’s voice resonates in the apartment and Niall closes his eyes. “I was coming over tonight, remember? Did you fall asleep?” He knocks at the door again, this time louder. “I’ve been calling you for hours. Is everything okay?”

Niall doesn’t answer, he doesn’t move. Even moments after Harry leaves, even days later when Louis and Liam leave tons of voice messages asking why the fuck did Harry Styles just walk in asking for you to pick up your phone?!

PART TWO

[becumsh]

trevilieu morning aesthetic

This is so fluffy I think I’m getting diabetes from this. It’s not the au I’ve been rambling about earlier, it’s different one with a different setup and backstory. Although this tidbit is ambiguous enough to read as it is.

Richelieu wakes up five minutes before the alarm, allows himself exactly sixty seconds of lying in bed, then gets out and leaves the bedroom followed by one of the cats. He knocks at the door and hears a lazy rustle of sheets. The alarm goes off and then promptly shuts up because some people will hit that snooze button until the very last moment. Someone stealthily put black toothpaste in the groceries last weekend. Richelieu almost got used to it, because this phase lasts for quite a while in this household, but the toothpaste still looks disturbing when you actually brush your teeth with it. When he finishes with the shower and shaving, the snooze button gets hit yet another time. Cat food rattles as he fills five bowls with it. Another alarm in another bedroom goes off. Richelieu prepares coffee for three and fishes out the travel mug out of the dishwasher. Four slices of toast. Another four three minutes later. They are running out of milk, he finds when he inspects the fridge. Richelieu hears that someone finally deigned to wake up and now there’s a sinister battle for the shower. In the kitchen, however, it’s blessedly quiet. The family likes scrambled eggs over soft-boiled, but since the family hit the snooze button about 18 times in total now, they don’t deserve the scramble, and besides, Richelieu has a history with the scramble no one wants a repetition of. So he turns off the stove, gives the counter a last swipe and heads back to the bedroom, knocking on the doors (“Breakfast’s ready!”) once more as he passes. “We should lock the bedroom at night,” Treville huffs. “I woke up and that damn cat was sleeping on my face.” “You should wake up before they have breakfast, honestly.” Richelieu rolls his eyes. “And no one would queue for the bathroom.” “That cat just should stay away from my face,” Treville pick out the tie and wraps it around Richelieu’s neck, aiming for a half-Windsor. “They are warm,” Richelieu replies as he buttons up his shirt. “I get cold at night.” “You stole all the blankets yet again, you can’t possibly get cold.” Richelieu puts on his jacket. Treville straightens out the tie and steps back, smoothing out the lapels. “Scramble?” Treville asks. “Not a chance and you know it,” Richelieu retorts. Everyone has already gathered around the table by the time they walk into the kitchen. Milady chews on toast. Louis inspects the egg. “Morning,” Milady says handing Richelieu fresh newspaper. Black nails, black pyjamas. The phase is still on, it seems. “The eggs turned out alright,” Louis brightly informs them. “Mostly.” “Tell your Dad to finally admit that he sucks at cooking,” Treville says as he pours coffee for Richelieu and himself. “I don’t deny it, I merely point out that I’m the only one conscious enough in the morning to actually prepare food.” “There’s second best human invention and it’s called a bowl of cereal. And it takes about thirty seconds to make.” Treville puts a mug of black coffee in front of him. The ring clinks when it connects with white ceramic. “No fibre and little substance.” The newspapers keep it quiet which is good to know. He needs to talk with the Minister before the afternoon’s meeting. “No wonder you and Constance get on like a house on fire.” Treville grumbles and plops a generous dollop of jam on his toast. “I still see no point in doing this,” Milady complains. “I’m on a break. Louis is too. We deserve a lie-in.” “Breakfasts and dinners are eaten together,” Treville says firmly and takes a bite of his toast. “God, you actually are getting better. It’s even edible.” “I’m a quick learner,” Richelieu replies primly and takes a sip from his mug. “You ate, you are leaving,” Milady yawns. “Can I go to bed now? Say to Athos I said hi.” “I don’t think he’s going to appreciate it after a night shift.” Treville grabs a travel mug of coffee for Athos as he heads towards the door. Richelieu folds the newspaper and follows. “Busy day?” Treville asks as he helps Richelieu into his coat. “I’ll manage.” “Don’t you always,” Treville kisses his cheek and smiles.

[pcwpolwrestling]

Matches Announced for Extreme Political TV/Les Miserables Announcement Tomorrow Night

3/28-PCW Newsline: Matches Announced for Friday Night’s Extreme Political TV / Les Miserables Special Announcement Tomorrow Night / PCW Rewind: Loose Cannons Unleashed 8

This Friday night’s PCW Extreme Political TV will feature two matches.

STEEL CAGE MATCH The Les Miserables: ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay and PCW Heartland Champion Charlie Blackwell vs. The Green World Order: ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube and ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee

This battle has been building up the past couple weeks as McAvay, Blackwell, PCW Champion William Daniels Bryan and the Les Miserables have warred with Professor McCarthy and his Flock, the GWO, and the Young Jerks. On Friday night’s show, McAvay and Blackwell get the GWO’s Rube and Lee inside a steel cage. No outside interference. No shenanigans. Two on two.

MAIN EVENT-SIX MAN TAG MATCH Progressive Alliance: Ultimate Social Justice Warrior, James the Jeep Worker, and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism vs. American Patriots: Magnum P.O.’d, Starz N. Stripes, and Kirk Walstreit

-and speaking of war, the ascension of Donald Trump when they were certain that Hillary Clinton would be the next PCW CEO has left the Progressive Alliance in a surly frame of mind. From every indication, backstage dealings with the Progressive Alliance has been difficult…which would be an understatement.

As for the American Patriots, the Trump era has been…confusing? To say that they have not embraced Trump would be- again – an understatement.

Both sides are struggling to find their feet in the new era of PCW where the champion resides with the independent Les Miserables and not the Progressive Alliance or the American Patriots. Which team will survive this six man battle royale? We will find out Friday night on Extreme Political TV.

Special Announcement Forthcoming

And speaking of the Les Miserables, there will be some sort of event tomorrow night at Mullet John’s Strip Club and Beer, Bait, and Ammo Store. No word on what exactly is going on there but some sort of special announcement will be made. Stay tuned.

PCW Rewind- Loose Cannons Unleashed 8

Five years ago. PCW was splintering fast. A Red show for the Republicans. A Blue show for the Democrats. An independent show. Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 became a watershed event for a PCW in transition. Featuring current PCW stars: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism, James the Jeep Worker, Yamamoto Tanaka, RINO– The Wonk Machine, Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, Daniel-San, Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist, and PeaceNick w/Peta from PETA.

===================

PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 Recap Bradley Center Milwaukee, WI Tuesday June 5th, 2012

Political Championship Wrestling rocked the Bradley Center in Milwaukee with their 8th edition of their signature political wrestling event- Loose Cannons Unleashed.

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave ran down the card:

-PCW Television Title Match: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) vs. Valora Salinas-PCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R)-PCW Women’s Title Match: Miss USA (c) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D) -Red Title Match: TBD -Blue Title Match: TBD -PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Kicking the show off was the unexpected return of The Goatbusters to PCW…

*Spooky music begins followed by a funky beat*

*Spooky music begins followed by a funky beat*

(sung to ‘Ghostbusters’)If there’s something grazing In your neighborhood Who you gonna call (Goatbusters) If you see a herd And it don’t look good Who you gonna call (Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat I ain’t afraid of no Goat

If you’re seeing horns Running through your yard Who can you call (Goatbusters) If you have a goat Sleeping in your bed Oh, who you gonna call (Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat I ain’t afraid of no Goat

Who you gonna call (Goatbusters) If you’re all alone Pick up the phone And call (Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat I hear it likes the girls I ain’t afraid of no Goat Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Who you gonna call (Goatbusters) If you’ve had a dose Of a freaky Goat Maybe you’d better call (Goatbusters)

Let me tell you something Bustin’ makes me feel good

I ain’t afraid of no Goat I ain’t afraid of no Goat

The Goatbusters were being interviewed by PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein about the induction of ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) and Starz N. Stripes (also known as ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott) (R) into the PCW Hall of Fame.  Goatbusters Ray Scantz and Peter Jenkman (I) are both drinking Big Gulps full of soft drinks when New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg (I) charges out.

Bloomberg tells the Goatbusters that they are setting a terrible example by sucking down 52 ounce cups of soft drinks at a time where the nation’s health is going to hell. Sodas should only be available for purchase from behind the counter, like cigarettes and cough medicine. Everyone purchasing a soda should have to provide proof that they are not obese by submitting to a BMI calculation or a body fat caliper test.

Scantz fires back at Bloomberg,

Ray Scantz: “It’s funny, but if you analyze the practical application of your ‘collective where we look out for each other’ as it’s being rolled out by fascists like Bloomberg, it looks less like looking out for each other, and more like using the boot of government to make sure the stupid people don’t overload on the freebies the politicians promised ‘em to get their votes.”

Peter Jenkman: “Hey, I have an idea- let’s treat adults like children! No soft drinks for you until you swallow your plate of government propaganda! Salt is off the table, and the good cooking oil is reserved for those whose service to the collective is unquestioned. And sorry, you’re too ignorant to weigh the risks of unpasteurized cheese flown in today from France! In fact, you’re too stupid to decide for yourself about the raw milk the Amish guy is selling. And no foie gras. It offends the delicate sensibilities of the geese.”

Bloomberg is offended and sics the NY Health Department on the Goatbusters and we have an impromptu match.

Match #1 The Goatbusters def. the NY Health Department @ 5:54

Much to everyone’s delight, the Goatbusters win when they “Cross the Streams” on Walter and Peck of the NY Health Department and then pour large quanities of Pepsi over them after the match.

Big Union (‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker) storm the office of leader of the PCW Executive Committee Harry Reid (D-NV) and demand that their match against Scott Walker’s Rangers be moved to the Main Event of the show.

Reid, momentarily caught off-guard, quickly acquiesces and agrees to their demand.

Suave makes the formal announcement that the new Main Event will be indeed- The PCW Tag Team Title Match with Big Union (D) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers (R)

Match #2 PCW Television TV Title Match: TV Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. Valora Salinas

Chism reluctantly gets into the ring and Valora races right over and attacks him.  She chases Chism all over the ring before the TV Champ slides out.  Chism runs around the ring with Valora in pursuit and the challengers runs right into the right arm of Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s Long Lost Obscure Black Sheep Brother No One Knew He Had.

Tebow then blasts Valora with left hands while suspended St. Louis Ram defensive coordinator Gregg Williams and suspended New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton collect their ‘bounty’ from Chism. Valora then turns it around and then destroys Tebow with chair shots.  Then she blasts both Williams and Payton with the chair and rolls back into the ring. Chism jumps out of the ring and grabs the microphone- he says ‘**** this, I’ve bigger fish to fry’ and throws the TV belt down.  Chism tries to leave but Valora runs him down and literally drags him back ringside.

Valora then filets Chism’s back with a kendo stick and then wraps an electrical cord around his neck and chokes him out.  The Skanky Rich Bimbos (Kim and Chloe) try to come to his rescue but they take one look at Valora and run to the back.  Chism passes out before the Democrats can send down help and Valora wins the PCW Television Title.

Valora def. Chism for the TV Title @ 10:44

Democratic Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL) leads Women for Women (Code Pink and Emily S. List) and former PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins to the ring and they attack Valora.

Suave: Wait a minute.  I thought it was the Republicans waging a ’War on Women?’

KRC and List hold Valora as Code Pink prepares to give her a Glitter Bomb. Then the crowd roars when the Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski) race to the ring.  McGill ducks Code Pink’s Glitter Bomb and whips her through the ropes to the outside.  List gets a standing dropkick from Kovalevski and Valora Border Tosses her out of the ring.  Valora starts after KRC but then the PCW Women’s Champion Miss USA runs in and tells her that she wants to get her hands on the challenger.

The referee slides into the ring and the third match is on…

Match #3 PCW Women’s Title Match: Miss USA (c) w/the Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D) w/Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-FL)

Wasserman Schultz demands that McGill and Kovalevski be sent to the back and raises enough of a stink that the referee finally gives in.  He directs McGill and Kovalevski to the back and the match finally starts.

KRC bails and dares Miss USA to come after her- which she does.  Wasserman Schultz misses a weak clothesline attempt and Miss USA takes KRC down.  Both women brawl around the ring before KRC gains the upper hand and drives the champion into the steel ring steps and then into the steel security barrier. Miss USA then reversed KRC into the timekeeper’s chair and then blasted her with the ring bell.

Miss USA then climbs to the ring apron for a Patriot Missile drop kick but Wasserman Schultz sneaks around and pushes her off the edge.  KRC taunts Miss USA’s family at ringside and then Larry Flynt slithers down in his wheelchair leaving a trail of slime behind him.

Flynt has some embarrassing old photos of Miss USA that he starts parading around to distract the champion.  KRC takes advantage and spends the next few minutes pummelling Miss USA all over the ring.  KRC keeps going for the pin but somehow Miss USA kicks out.  After Miss USA kicks out at 2.999999, she tries to roll out of the ring but Flynt blocks her way.

This brings out conservative commentator and Flynt target S.E. Cupp (R). Cupp tackles Flynt causing his wheelchair to flip backwards.  Cupp rains down blows on Flynt before taking a huge submarine sandwich and jamming it in Flynt’s piehole.

Suave: It’s just satire, Larry.

KRC tries to Pearl Harbor Miss USA but the champion reverses and whips KRC towards the barricade.  She trips over Flynt’s body and lands head first against the steel barricade.  Miss USA drags her back into the ring and climbs to the top turnbuckle.  Wasserman-Schultz starts over towards her but Miss USA turns and hits a Patriot Missile on her.  Then she rolls over and covers KRC…1…2…3.

WINNER and still PCW Women’s Champion Miss USA @ 8:54

Hall of Fame InductionFirst, it’s the ‘American Screamer’ Howard Dean (D-VT) and ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove (R) who gets inducted.

Dean gives his trademark “WRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH!” at the end of his speech.

Rove points to his head to remind everyone that he’s a freakin’ genius after he’s done with his.

Then it’s ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and ’The Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes (Kevin Scott) turn.

PCW Owner Bubba Jackson recited Escondido’s achievements in PCW: PCW Champion in 2006, 3 time Television Champion in 2008 and 2009, and Tag Team Champion in 2009 with Starz N. Stripes.

Then Starz N. Stripes (Kevin Scott): PCW Champion in 2008- lost belt in what is the greatest PCW match ever against O’Beck Bahama at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008.  Became two time PCW Champion in 2011.  Tag Team Title holder with Escondido in 2009.  PCW Television Champion in 2011.

Match #4 Red Belt Title Match: ‘The Japanese Superdestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R) vs. RINO– The Wonk Machine (R) vs. Big Oil (R) vs. Kirk Walstreit (R)

Tanaka comes to the ring with the Republican establishment, including Republican Leader Reince Priebus, while Big Oil and Walstreit are led to the ring by Gordon Guyko and his briefcase stuffed full of cash.  RINO walks alone to the ring.

Before the bell sounds, Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic of the American Heartland Coalition, The Tea Party (Average Joe and ‘Tin Cup‘ Ray McAvay) and Blackwell’s Les Miserables come to the ring.  Blackwell, effectively cut out of the title equation since he doesn’t belong to either party, Mike, and the Tea Party attack and there’s a full scale brawl outside the ring.

Republican security rush to ringside and separate the two sides.  Blackwell and company are dragged towards the back…

Blackwell (yelling): …our ‘representatives’ have become nothing more than glorified lobbyists w/voting power and big money special interest groups are pulling the strings.  Meanwhile, PCW is hurdling out of control towards a cliff and no one is lifting a finger to stop it. This is no longer just a partisan thing- PCW is corrupt at its core…

The match finally gets under way and we quickly find out that the Republican Establishment has made it clear who they want to win.  Both Big Oil and Walstreit don’t even bother and head to the back leaving Tanaka vs. RINO.  Tanaka clotheslines RINO and covers.  The referee quick counts the Wonk Machine out and that’s that.

Reince Preibus climbs into the ring and hands the Red belt to the Japanese SuperDestroyer and Tanaka puts it around his waist.  Mitt Romney (R-MA) walks out and claps in approval.

WINNER and Red Champion: Yamamoto Tanaka @ 4:05

Backstage, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL) complains to PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein about the Republican’s War on Women being responsible for KRC’s loss.  When asked how the Republicans could be responsible for Miss USA’s win when it was the Democrats who demanded that the Mercenaries Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski be ejected from ringside and then interfered in the match- Wasserman Schultz said “It’s doesn’t matter.  They’re Republicans and they hate women.”

Suave: Makes total sense to me.

Meanwhile, Blackwell and the American Heartland Coalition are kicked out of the building.

Democrats Occupy Wall Street demostrate in front of Scott Walker‘s Rangers’ locker room spray painting graffiti on the wall and pounding on the door.

MATCH #5 Blue Belt Title Match: Daniel-San (D), Big Labor (D), Extreme Plaintiff Attorneys Felcher and Felcher (D), Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist, and PeaceNick w/Peta from PETA (D), ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

Union referee in charge of the match.

Extreme Attorneys Felcher and Felcher are eliminated early but file an injunction to get back into the match.

PeaceNick of the Green World Order protests the match’s brutality from outside the ring by lugging a picket sign back and forth.

Daniel-San has Big Labor tapping out to the LaBell Lock but the referee is somehow not looking in his direction.

Felcher and Felcher again get eliminated.  Again, they sue their way back into the match.

‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism pins Big Labor.  But again, the union referee is looking elsewhere.

This goes on and on for the next 45 minutes before finally Democratic Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz says enough.  Felcher and Felcher- eliminated.  Then Brock Cole Lee of the GWO.  GreenPete from the GWO.  Radishing Rick Rube of the GWO.  Big Labor.

Down to Chism vs. Daniel-San.  Chism uses his Hollywood connections to get Tom Hanks and George Clooney to do a run-in on Daniel-San.  Daniel-San fights both actors off.  Then the Skanky Rich Bimbos make their way to the ring.  Kim and Chloe climb onto the ring apron and whip off their tops.

Suave: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!  WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!

Chism hits the distracted Daniel-San with the Hollywood Blockbuster and gets the quick count on the pin to mercifully end the match and win the belt.

WINNER and Blue Belt Champion: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism @ 51:23

Backstage, Corporate Might (Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit) arrive in front of Scott Walker’s Rangers’ dressing room with an army of hired bodyguards and crush Occupy Wall Street.  Then they stand guard in front of the dressing room.

MATCH #6 PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Can Tanaka pick up a second belt and become a four time PCW champion?

Not tonight.  Wasserman-Schultz, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi come to the ring and order The Sanderman back to the dressing room.  The crowd goes nuts as the referee counts him out and awards the match to Tanaka.

Suave: But The Sanderman keeps the title belt because Tanaka didn’t pin him.

John Boehner (R-OH) and Mitch McConnell (R-KY) fly down the aisle to the ring to argue with the referee.

Finally, PCW Legal Counsel Eric Holder is called to the ring to mediate the controversy.  He listens to Boehner and McConnell and then rules in favor of the PCW Champion The Sanderman (D).  Boehner and McConnell can’t believe it and Holder makes a…fast and furious…exit.

Then Scott Walker’s Rangers (John and Ronnie Walker) appear on the ramp slugging it out with the PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union (Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker).

MATCH #7 PCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R)

Both teams brawl outside the ring.  Finally, the Walkers gain the upper hand and toss Big Labor and James into the ring.

Back in PCW CEO Barack Obama’s office, Obama is watching the match on the monitor with David Axelrod and PCW Legal Counsel Eric Holder.  Ronnie Walker nearly gets a pin and Holder wants to know if Obama is going to help Big Union win the match?

Obama thinks for a second.  Then he tweets his support for Big Union.

Suave: Say what?

Holder concurs.  Axelrod can’t believe it.  He goes off on Holder in front of everyone and finally the PCW Legal Counsel goes chest to chest with Axelrod.  Staffers separate the two just in time to see former PCW CEO Bill Clinton saunter down to the ring to offer his support.

Both Republican and Democratic rosters empty out of the locker rooms to ringside and a huge brawl erupts.  Somehow, the referee manages to keep control in the ring and Ronnie Walker hits the Black Velvet Shot on James the Jeep Worker.  By the time everyone realizes what’s happening, the referee counts to three and we have brand new PCW Tag Team Champions.

WINNER and NEW PCW Tag Team Champions: Scott Walker’s Rangers- John and Ronnie Walker (R)

Republicans in the crowd rejoice.  Democrats are disgusted.  The partisan brawl ringside continues.

Suave: Some things may never change.