#I used the knowledge about test to my thesis on study

[writings-of-a-hufflepuff]

Character: Indiana Jones

Warnings/Important info: Fem reader, implied English or at least has been to Oxford University. Angsty, miscommunication.

Notes: I watched Indiana Jones the other day and obviously my first crush never leaves because young Harrison Ford as an archaeologist adventurer is just *chefs kisses*

It's bizarre really, potentially concerning, worrying to a degree, that after 5 years you know the back of his head from a glance. Suffice to say you try not to draw attention to yourself when you recognise who stands mere meters away from you talking to two of his students about antiquarianism.

Maybe you should have expected it, after all Henry Jones seemed to have a way of haunting you. Maybe you should have been prepared to see him, despite assuming that the United States was so vast that your move from the University of Oxford to Marshall College as a newly qualified Doctor of History would certainly not guarantee seeing him. Perhaps, it was the Moirai, the fates, trying to test your resolve or simply coincidence.

But, after five years without a single letter, a single telephone call or telegram, you certainly weren't keen to stick around and have a conversation with the man. Besides, you had lectures to teach, students to help, papers to grade (okay, maybe not the last one considering it was in fact the very first day of the academic year).

It is with a sharp back peddle that has you careering into a pair of students behind you with a clipped apology that you make your daring escape and it is a surprised call of your given name that has you freezing, turning about face and responding with a strangled "It's actually Dr. Y/L/N now."

"What? I'm not allowed to call you by your name anymore? Guess you've already recinded the right to call you Honey Bee too." There are students stopping to watch, what feels like the entire student body eager to watch the new History professor and the most loved Archaeology professor at each other's throats. A mystery arising from their familiarity and a curiosity at what history lay between the two. You certainly weren't eager to put on a show.

With a flick of the wrist you smooth down your skirt, turning on your heels and walk away calling out to him, "It was a pleasure to see you again, Dr Jones." It leaves Indiana gaping in the centre of the quad, watching the sway of your hips and the click of your shoes on the pavement as you leave him behind.

You choose to ignore the bubble of anxiety it puts in the pit of your stomach all day. Your lectures help to distract you at least somewhat from the reality that your former...you're not even sure what to call him...something, is present and working at the same university as you and you briefly wonder if it isn't too late to go back to your job at Oxford. You're sure Professor Haylett would let you come back, you might need to grovel a bit but...perhaps that was preferable to the potential mess that was being in close proximity to Henry again.

The last time you'd see each other, he'd been a 27 year old Archaeology professor. Young, dashing, charming, with every student at the University of London eager to please him and hoping the American would give them extra attention. You had been a 23 year old History PhD student, one of the few women allowed to do so, after much hard graft and determination. You had refused to let anything or anyone distract you from your studies, from your goal...and then you'd been told that he could help you with your PhD, that he had some specific knowledge on the Battle of Syracuse that you could use and...you'd found yourself suitably distracted. You would be being bitter and unfair if you didn't admit that in the year you'd known him he'd helped you with your thesis immensely...but he'd also put your reptuation at risk, broken your heart and made promises that he never would fulfil. Your mother was right...romance was certainly a tricky business.

You're so frazzled at the end of the day that you don't even recognise that your office has the lights on, if you had, you would have stopped before entering, instead you bulldozer your way in and stumble at the sight of him sat in a chair waiting paitently as if he wasn't phased one bit by your reappearance in his life.

"So, Honey Bee, you gonna tell me why I get such a frosty reception?"

"Yo-The absolute...I cannot...ugh!" You find yourself unable to stutter out a complete sentence as you slam the door shut, it reverberating on its hinges. "You have some nerve, Henry Jones! As if you don't bloody know!" You storm around him, putting the hard wood desk between the two of you and shuffling papers to keep from looking at him knowing he'd melt your anger in a second just with a smile.

He always had the most ridiculous ability to placate you and you wanted to feel angry today, not soothed like a skittish horse or malcontent cat.

"Sweetheart, if I knew I wouldn't have asked!" It's the silky smoothness giving away to frustration that causes you to look up, your bottom lip shuddering under the weight of the sadness that sits in your chest, old feelings that you thought you'd processed and put to bed coming to the surface.

"You promised..." He's silent, confusion deepening as you take a deep breath and begin to pace back and forth behind your desk, agitation growing with each movement. "You promised to write me, to call or send a telegram and you never did. I...I waited to hear from you and I heard nothing. So I am dreadfully sorry, Henry, if I do not feel particularly like pleasentries or intimiate nicknames in front of an entire cohort of students! I have had to earn my place and I am still fighting for respect and no man, one who doesn't even honor his promises, is going to ruin this for me!"

You are breathing heavily, body warm, shoulders rising and falling with every agitated movement of your lungs as he looks down at his lap. Silence falls between you for so long that you turn to look out the window of your office, at the street lamps with their warm glow, the last few students wandering across campus as evening sets in.

"I did...I wrote you." His voice is low, quiet, the sort of quiet that Henry Jones never was, so quiet in fact that you turn to check he actually spoke.

"I wrote every day for three months...half of it was stupid, five lines about my day or a single sentence to say hello. I wrote for three months, sweetheart."

"Three months?"

"Three."

"But, I never...how...if you wrote for three months then how on earth did I not receive a single one!" You're unsure if you believe him, at the same time you never knew Henry to be a liar and it...it boggles your mind. There's an impending sense of your world teetering on it's axis, emotional whiplash as you feel a soaring sense of hope, yet a feeling of disbelief, fear, all rolled into one.

"I don't know, honey, but I wrote for three months to 21 Hanover Street and you never wrote me back so I assumed...I assumed you'd moved on, found yourself a nice, sensible husband and gotten married!" There's an anger that you'd never noticed til now, a sense that he'd been hurt to, that he'd felt like you'd abandoned him. So far removed from the debonair, rakish persona he so often displayed.

"21 Hanover Street? You wrote to 21 Hanover Street?"

"Yes, goddamn it!"

"Henry...I lived at 12 Hanover Street."

"What?"

"I lived at number 12, one two, not two one. 12!" It is so absolutely absurd that you can't help but start laugh rather hysterically. That you felt abanonded all these years, angry, resentful, heartbroken and he'd simply gotten the wrong house number, a stupid, ridiculous mistake that had broken your heart into pieces, only to reforge it again.

"You're telling me that for three months I was writing to the wrong address...?" Henry is out of his chair, rounding the table and closing the distance between you so fast that it makes your head spin...or perhaps that is the effect of the emotional journey you're currently experiencing.

"I'm afraid so..."

"Goddamn it...well, shit, honey..." There's a pregnant pause as your eyes scan his profile, the frustrated set of his brow, the clench of his jaw, the familiar bend of his nose. He's not changed, not really. He's older, more lines around his eyes than last you remember, and a few more grey hairs, but then you're older too. Your first grey hairs finally settling in, the soft baby fat of your face having melted away somewhat over the years. But, he's still Henry and you're still the busy Honey Bee he used to chase around the library to the chagrin of the librarian. Things haven't really changed, you realise. With the removal of the one point of hurt between you, you can acknowledge that you still love him without the weight of anger or heartbreak pushing it down.

"Henry?"

"Yeah, sweetheart?"

"Kiss me." It makes you laugh against his mouth how quickly he follows your request, the scrape of his stubble against your skin an old, familiar sensation that you'd all but forgot. It was like coming home, so familiar that it sent a sharp stabbing sense of yearning into your chest even as his arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you to him.

The woodsy smell of his cologne surrounds you, the familiar tweed of his suit jacket scratches your arms, the soft strands of his hair through your fingers, the press of his nose against your cheek. It's like there hasn't been five years since you last kissed, like you hadn't been so angry with him up until five minutes ago that it hurt.

God, and to think, you'd nearly gone your entire life thinking he'd never cared. All because he'd mixed up two simple numbers.

[skoolnites]

𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙪𝙚: Live Laugh Ethos

previous chapter | Masterlist | next chapter

-> 𝙒𝘾: 1k

->𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: turns out making sure your thesis is ethical is actually pretty difficult

->𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: Swearing and talking about food

->𝙉𝙤𝙩𝙚: i think its been a year since i've published a piece of fanfiction so thats cool i guess. Go easy on me please! (there are probably grammatical errors as it's been a long day) Also every thing that is italicized and pink means that it is part of Y/ns final paper

 “It is basic human nature to want to find love. Psychologists throughout the centuries have studied this fact. Maslow even tells us that it is part of our basic needs. If we are so dependent on love then why is it so damn difficult to find that someone. While Plato’s original theory on the so-called soulmate myth has been disproved time and time again it’s in our nature to want our ‘perfect’ match, but what if you could make someone your perfect match. I believe that with our knowledge of how attraction works it is possible to use these ideas to your own benefit. For my experiment I will be testing 1 (one) of these theories of attraction on Subject A every three days for 60 (sixty) days. I will keep track of my findings through notes I take as well as a collection of text messages and other forms of media from consenting parties.”

“Alright class,” Professor Yamasaki announced clapping her hands together, “For your final you will be creating a thesis then constructing and conducting an experiment on whatever module you get assigned,” She explained picking up a black cloth bag, “In this bag I have papers numbered nine through eighty which corresponds to one of the modules we studied throughout this year. When I get to your seat please pick out a slip and tell me your number,” 

Y/n started jittering in anticipation as Professor Yamasaki was calling out topics that were no longer up for grabs. As each number was being called out, Y/n had her fingers crossed hoping to get lucky. Her head perked up as Module twenty four was called out. Mildly upset she wouldn’t get to run an experiment on dreams. Then 26 (classical conditioning) was gone, 56 was gone so no study on neo-freudians, when 21 was given to Osamu Miya Y/n was a little butt hurt because pain was always a fun topic. Before she could realize it, Professor Yamasaki was in front of her desk. Y/n sucked in a breath and reached her hand into the bag. She could feel all the slips of paper, each folded in half. When Y/n finally pulled her hand out she found a yellowish slip of paper. Unfolding it quickly Y/n was overjoyed to see the number 79 on the paper.

Attraction.

The cold metal bleachers of the university volleyball gym was the last place y/n wanted to be as she was antsy to get started on her project. Y/n’s mind was going a mile a minute at all of the possibilities for her experiment, she could pick a random person to befriend or…

“Did you see that!” Shoyo Hinata yelled as he had just slammed down an amazing spike, although the spiker was not who Y/n’s attention was towards.

“What can I say, I’m good at what I do,” Atsumu Miya shrugged.

“Me next! Me next!” Kotaro Bokuto shouts

“Will you guys quiet down,” Kei Tsukishima groans from a corner where he stretches out his arms

“Buzzkill,” Tetsuro Kuroo laughs while throwing another ball to Atsumu

In the corner Rintaro Suna could be found hiding his chuckles

“Alright boys go get water while Yachi and I pick up the volleyballs,” Their team captain Shugo Meian shouts.

Attraction.

The place where Y/n spends most of her life, the volleyball gym. Any of these boys would be perfect subjects for her study, she was well acquainted with all of them, nothing would seem suspicious if she hung out with them more, and she had access to friends to get extra information. The next issue at hand was a cognitive bias, who to pick and would her own heart interfere. Y/n knew she would have to pull one at random, reaching into her pocket and taking her cellphone.

“Hey Siri, pick a number one through thirty?”  Y/n asked the device

“It’s thirteen,” Just like that fate was decided, Atsumu Miya would be Subject A, perfect for 

Attraction. 

The word of the hour, attraction. Where Y/n had found great intrigue with the topic she fell into an iffy spot with ethics. Hypothetically she could use these tactics and studies to get Atsumu to fall in love with someone, of course she would have to deal with consent while keeping him unaware. There was also the issue of who would he fall in love with, she would be the easiest choice but would her own heart be an interference. 

“The ethics of this experiment becomes a bit difficult because how could you possibly manipulate someone’s heart ethically but if you look at the ethical guidelines my experiment fits perfectly. Beneficence and Nonmaleficence, Love is not a bad thing and my subject would not be hurt by experiencing feelings for someone because it could be equally reciprocated. Of course love is a long lasting product of this experiment but it is not a negative one. Fidelity and Responsibility, is ingrained in the classes curriculum and while conducting many experiments throughout my studies I have been held to these ethical guidelines. Integrity, I will be using a bit of deception under the front that I am tutoring someone. I have received Subject A’s verbal and written consent that our sessions will be recorded as well as consent to the fact that I will be using some psychological tricks during our sessions. Justice, subject A was a random choice from a random number generator meaning I have no biases towards the subject. Subject A has access to health services and I will ask them throughout multiple sessions if they would like for me to stop my psychological research. Finally Respect for Rights and Dignity, In order to respect Subject A’s privacy they shall only be referred to as Subject A and no physical descriptions will be provided in my research. Nothing not related to my hypothesis will be disclosed in my paper including but not limited to age, gender, psychical traits, personal details that might be disclosed and other details that might give away who Subject A is.

tags: @milkteeboba

[lightning-storm-studies]

No-stress Summer Learning Challenge 🌞

Where did the idea of the no-stress summer learning challenge come from 🤔?

I see do many posts about summer studying, that it makes me worried. People spend their time studying during summer holidays, already preparing for the upcoming semester/school year. It's your free time and, as someone, who already has a full-time job (and is trying to finish her thesis to get a master's degree), I can tell you, that you probably won't have that much free time in the summer once you start working. Yes, it's sad and unfair, but unfortunately, it's real 🙁. So please, take your time, use it for something else, than worrying about exams, preparing for school and getting stressed and burnt out before school even starts. Don't waste your energy sitting in front of your PC/laptop, or with a course book, learing stuff by heart, while the sun ☀️ is shining outside, children are playing and other people are going out with their friends and families. And if you already work full-time, but also are still a student, don't use whatever free time you have on summer to study even more. Unless you absolutely have to, of course (I'm in this kind of situation, I have to write my thesis during summer, because the deadline is in September), but even then, don't use all your time for schoolwork. Although I consider summer studying an unnecessary stress factor, there's a difference between studying and learning. Studying is for school, learning is for yourself 🙂. I'm not telling you to be lazy the whole summer, but to consider learning something, that doesn't include schoolwork. It may be related to what you're studying in college/at school, or it may be something totally different. It may be something about technology 🔌 (programming, robotics, electronics...), art 🎨 (drawing, painting, embroidery...), nature 🌱 (gardening, foraging, birdwatching...), music 🎶 (singing, playing an instrument, making electronic music...), foreign languages 🗺️, sports ⚽, cooking 🍲, baking 🍩, kintting 🧶, sewing 🪡... the list is endless. So, as an alternative to summer studying challenge, you can start a no-stress summer learning challenge.

The main rules 📑

The main purpose of this challenge is to find motivation to learn for yourself 😀 again, so no exams, no homework, no grades, just you and your goal .

You're free to choose what you're going to learn, based on your own passions, dreams and ambitions 😍, without worrying about other people's judgement and expectations.

It's supposed to be stress free 😌, so there are no fixed schedules or deadlines. It's up to you to plan your learning and decide, how long it's going to take you.

To stay focused, please choose one topic and stick to it. It doesn't mean, you can't learn anything else. Actually you should, because staying concentrated on one thing for too long can make you burn out quickly, but have one main goal 😎.

Remember to take proper breaks 🥱. Learning all the time will only make you sterssed and tired. It's not school, so you don't need to worry about any fixed due date or preparing for a test.

Don't be too hard on yourself and remember that mistakes are a part of learning 😯, not a failure or shame.

Preparing for the challenge and completing it 📚

Think about, what do you want to learn this summer. It doesn't have to be very specific at this stage. For example, it can be something like "I want to learn about cats 🐈", or "I want to learn to draw 🖼️", or "I want to learn about tea 🫖".

When you know, what you want to learn, do your research, to be able to set a more specific goal. Read about this topic, watch some videos, maybe try to find people, who have more knowledge about it, than you, and talk to them. Let the "I want to learn about cats" become "I want to learn proper cat care 😸", the "I want to learn to draw" become "I want to learn to draw manga 🎏" or the "I want to learn about tea" become "I want to learn, how to brew various kinds of tea 🍵".

You've done the research, so now it's time to find your "why", because to stay motivated, you need to remember that you're doing it for a reason and that this knowledge is useful. The "I want to learn proper cat care" becomes "I want to learn proper cat care to make my cats healthier and happier 😻", the "I want to learn to draw manga" becomes "I want to learn to draw manga, because I'm interested in art and Japanese culture 🌸" and the "I want to learn, how to brew various kinds of tea" becomes "I want to learn, how to brew various kinds of tea, because I like tea and I want to make it even better 🍃".

Once you find your motivation, look for the learning resources 💻. It can be an online course, internet articles, scientific papers, books, YouTube videos, TikTok videos... whatever, depends on what you're going to learn. You can also contact someone, who is na expert in what you're learning, and ask them for help. While learning from blogs, videos, etc., remember to check the sources, to make sure the person, who created this content, knows what they're talking/writing about.

When you know your resources, plan the whole thing ahead 📝, considering your other summer plans (like traveling or going out with friends), to make sure, that you have enough time for learning and that the time you're going to spend working towards your goal is fairly evenly distributed to avoid stress and burnout, but remember to make your schedule flexible, so you don't have to worry about learning at a fixed time. Again, it's not school.

You've planned everything, now set reminders in your phone 📱 and/or write it down in a planner 📔 or on some post-it notes 📄... whatever works best for you to remember about your goal and the time you've decided to spend learning.

To minimize the risk od procrastination, divide the tasks into smaller tasks. You can write to-do lists ☑️ (either digital, or on paper), so you can see your progress and know exactly, what needs to be done.

To avoid getting burnt out 🤯, step away from what you're learning once in a while. Don't overwork yourself, you're not preparing for an exam.

To ensure you have enough energy ⚡, take care of your health, both physical and mental. Take breaks, sleep long enough 😴, go out with your friends, stay hydrated 💧, exercise 🏃🏻‍♀️, spend some time in nature 🌲.

Last, but not least: remember to post regular updates about your progress on your blog. It can be every day, every three days, once a week... you decide. It can include photos, but doesn't have to. Just make it regular and tag it with "no-stress summer learning challenge" or "no-sslc" 😊.

[patricia-von-arundel]

Worked and studied in an animal lab with rats. One died (of natural causes). I immediately informed the professor ultimately in charge (I was in there as part of a fellowship and for my honors thesis) so he could document what had happened and inform the ERB.

One rat.

And death 100% from natural causes. We weren't even doing research that would potentially lead to death!

Still a lot of work, or we risked having the plug pulled. Because of how horribly animals have been treated in laboratory situations in the past. Harlow's monkeys. Dogs and rabbits used to test makeup and hair products. Just to name a couple of examples.

ERBs (Ethics Review Boards) exist for a reason, especially where those who cannot consent are involved (along with animals, also children, prisoners, and other potentially vulnerable groups. I've also worked with children in a lab, and the number of forms and releases we had to get from both the children and their parents/guardians was extensive. For good reason.)

That above, regardless of whether it's 3,000 or 23 - that is sickening. That should never have been allowed to happen. If multiple animals are dying in an experiment that is not expected or intended to cause death, that needs to be SHUT. THE FUCK. DOWN. Long before numbers reach double digits.

I am not opposed to the use of animals in medical research. There are reasons they are used (shorter lifespan, higher metabolism, and so on) , and ERBs were established to monitor what is being done and ensure it will cause the least amount of pain and suffering possible to achieve desired results. Animals in medical research have led and continue to lead to a wealth of knowledge about diseases, treatments, comorbid conditions or consequences, etc.

This is not that.

(Links contain no NSFW imagery, though Harlow's monkeys are sad to look at.)

what the libcucks fail to understand is that this is a small price to pay for the end goal: an embedded HUD with unskippable advertisements in the margins of your eyesight

[writingaboutmentalhealth]

My thesis in a nutshell

Hey everyone! I'm currently embarking on an exciting academic journey in which I am exploring the interplay between mental health and language for my master’s thesis! 🗣💬

🔍 My research

I am going to delve into the topic with the working title "Writing About Mental Health – Linguistic Patterns and Markers in Online Texts." I'm exploring how young adults battling eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and bipolar identity disorder express themselves through language online and how they might use language differently to people not suffering from mental health problems. Which is why I am here – on tumblr – looking for data for my thesis 💡

This is where you guys come into play! Are you a young adult between 13 and 25? Is your first language English? Do you battle a mental illness such as an eating disorder, BPD or OCD? You'd be the perfect match for my research!

🕵‍♂ What's driving my research?

My research is very much motivated by my experiences working with troubled teenagers and witnessing first-hand the challenges they face. In addition to that I am really concerned about the alarming rise in mental health issues as well as the pervasive stigma surrounding mental illness in general, which often prevents open discussions and access to vital support. Last but not least, my own journey struggling with my mental health is also one of the driving forces behind doing this research.

🤔 Research Questions:

How do linguistic markers in online communication differ among those affected by EDs, OCD, or BPD?

2. Are there any intriguing markers shared or unique within each illness group?

3. What other markers emerge that deserve further exploration?

📌 Key markers I'm exploring include:

• Use of personal pronouns

• Tense choices

• Explicit, implicit, or figurative language

📊 Here's how I'm tackling it:

My methodology's a mixed methods approach, with a focus on quantitative analysis while using qualitative examples for context.

I've got a control corpus of 100 diverse Tumblr bloggers and am currently collecting data for three illness-related corpora – which is why I am starting this blog and need your help!

Each illness gets its own chapter, starting with an overview followed by a deep dive into the linguistic markers.

🔬 Data Analysis:

Comparing mental illness corpora to the control group to spot significant differences—pairing descriptive stats with a chi square test.

Poring over illness group comparisons for similarities, differences, and shared traits—backed by both stats and qualitative examples.

Weaving in the knowledge past research to check if my data aligns or adds new insights.

And watch out for unexpected discoveries—I'll explore those gems, using them to fuel future research and acknowledging any study limitations.

🙌 I'm thrilled to have this opportunity and would love to hear your thoughts. Let's keep the conversation going! Feel free to drop me a message if you're curious or want to chat more about my thesis. I’m looking forward to any and all feedback or let me know if you’d like to be part of my study 🤗

[eb-byestelle]

Tag Game: MBTI Edition

Tagged by @acdooodles (Thank you !!!)

in case you don’t know and want to participate here’s the test! [there are many, I’ve taken them all lol but this one also has good information attached to it]

MBTI: INFJ 

Codenames: “The Mentor” ; “The Protector“ ; “The Counselor“

Function order:   Ni - Fe - Ti - Se

Type Description:  INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. They tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers.

Some things about your type that you relate to the most:

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

They are sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates."

INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life.Those who are activists - INFJs gravitate toward such a role - are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless.The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time.Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing and counseling are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

And finally, some Characters that are typed as INFJ that you relate to as well!:

Kaname Kuran (Vampire Knight)

John Coffey (The Green Mile)

Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter)

Rose Dewitt Bukater (Titanic)

Princess Hinoto (X/1999)

Yuuko Ichihara (xxx Holic)

I like that ! ;3 I was also close to ENFJ, but as a result INFJ is the final resulf. I also did two another tests, when I was close to “E” too, but “I” has always been a little bit stronger.

I’m tagging: @f-l-chernabog @fuzzykiddreamer @millennialxletters  @liebevollkuran @vk-crzy @aphrodytevalentine 

Do it if you want and have fun ! ;)

[lifewithlala]

Useful and practical advice for everyone starting college

So... Yes, I graduated! To celebrate this, I thought it would be a good idea to pass on some knowledge to those new students starting college this year (I feel like a Senpai). If it was difficult for me, I cannot fathom how much difficult it's going to be for you guys starting this year with all the things happening around the world. So good luck and I hope this really helps you out!

Try to get along with everyone. Look, prior to entering college I was asocial AF. It's not that I was shy, I just didn't like hanging out with people. However, my time in college taught me that interaction IS a very important part of life. I will be forever thankful to my classmates, who approached me on my first day (I entered college mid-year with no experience in business or economics. I was completely clueless). They were very nice to me and tried their best to explained how the school works, what classes we will be taking, what the professors and exams are like and such. Without their help, I would have had a harder time trying to get used to college. Truth is, you WILL need help at several points in college. And if you're not on good terms with anyone, who will be willing to help you? No one. So don't be a jerk and try your best to be nice and genuine with everyone in the class.

Help your classmates. Just as you will need help, your classmates will also need help. Don't wait for them to ask you for help. Offer to help them if you can! This can help you make friends or find new study buddies. Do not underestimate the power of helping others. When you help people with something, it is very likely that they will help you back when you need to. They might even recommend you for a job or internship position just because you helped them.

Find one or two study buddies. Study buddies will make studying more bearable. The study material that you will get in college is nothing compared to high school. So having a few study buddies that can help you make summaries, explain and work together on assignments will make studying much easier! I remember I had a study buddy for one of my minors in which we had to learn 16 chapters. We divided the summary workload and took turns explaining the chapters we each summarized. We literally cut the study time in half because of this!

Keep in contact with your classmates and professors. Chances are you will be separated for some time during minors, study abroad programs or internships. But that doesn't mean you have to lose contact with them. I'm not saying you have to chat with them every day. But contacting them once in awhile is good. I have been able to help some of my classmates with some subjects and applications. I have also become one of my professor's running buddies. So keep in touch because you never know what good you can give and what good it might bring you!

Be persistent. I have had instances were my school coach has ghosted me AND the school completely. Putting my internship and thesis at risk. Shit happens. And when you see things taking a turn for the ugly, fight back with all you got to get things back on track. The truth is, college is a business. And it will continue with or without you. A bit toxic, yes. However, it is up to you to not let things go south! Take action. Contact your professor when needed. Contact the administration. Contact management. Be persistent!

Plan as soon as possible. Don't wait for the first class to get your curriculum and then plan a week later. Download the curriculum BEFORE going to that first class. Plan BEFORE  going to the class. Bombard your professor with questions regarding the curriculum on the first day. Make changes accordingly. Execute that plan ASAP. Your worst enemy is time. But your best friend is also time. The sooner you start, the more prepared you will be for your exams. Read more about how I plan here.

Don't say "yes" to everything. Yes, I am guilty of this one. I learn fast. I'm young. I have lots of energy. I can do whatever I put my mind to. WRONG. This kind of thinking led me to severe burnout. I was helping my parents in their business. I was doing a full-time internship. I started my own business and had 9 clients. I was training for a marathon. Shit went down horribly at some point. I'm glad I went through that burnout because it taught me the importance and necessity to be balanced in life. And that my ability to say no is sometimes more important than my ability to say yes.

College is more than just learning theory. Look, classes are not the thing you should focus on solely in college. If there's anything more important than classes, I would say is your ability to network and leverage this to get experience in the field. That is what college is about. College opens so many opportunities, not because of what they teach, but because of the resources that you are able to get. I'm not saying go slack on your classes, but keep in mind that a lot of times, people don't hire because you have a perfect GPA.

Have a plan to be smart with your money AND stick with it. I had a plan to be smart with my money. And I did so for 3 years. But in my fourth year... I fucked up. Guys... stick to your financial plan and avoid goddamn headaches. Learn about budgeting,

Do not pull all-nighters. If anything all-nighters made me perform worse. Also, they completely messed up my sleeping schedule, which in return messed up my entire schedule. As a result, I would stress out because I was behind schedule and I did not have the energy to catch up. Guys, do not underestimate the power of a good night's sleep.

Time batching will be your best friend. Having a set day to do similar tasks is honestly, one of the best ways to work. One day I would do all my homework for the week. The other day I would only study. One day I would do all of my house chores etc. It's much simpler and effective this way.

Having a study routine will actually help you to pull a miracle. A lot of people swear by a morning or night routine. I swear by a study/ work routine. For real... why aren't work routines more common? Once I start my routine, my brain knows its time to work and study and will not get distracted. You can read about my study routine more in detail here.

You will get fat pretty fast, so exercise. You will not have a lot of time on your hands. You no longer have breaks to play sports, you don't need to go to gym class, you probably have a car now. Your sedentary life will pretty much begin in college. And because you have the money you will start eating out or order takeout. So EAT WELL AND WORKOUT. I realized that the weeks I ate healthily, were also the weeks I was more energized. So do these 2 things religiously.

Don't be too uptight. Relax and have fun. If you're the type A, teacher's pet kind of student... don't be afraid to loosen up a little bit. After my burnout episode I understood the importance of having fun once in awhile. Turns out that going to parties, clubs, having girls night out is a fun experience and you'll look back at those memories with fond!

Start applying for internships as soon as possible. THIS. Honestly. Apply early. Finding an internship position isn't hard. But finding the right internship place that will allow you to grow and learn and at the same time get along with the culture is MUCH MUCH MUCH harder! So take your time finding an internship. Go to as many interviews as you can. Don't accept the first internship position because it's the first you got. Look at it objectively and talk to others that work in that company. I had the opportunity to work for 2 days under the guidance of another intern before saying yes. Ask for a similar opportunity so you can test the waters before accepting the internship offer.

Taking care of yourself is harder than you think. Develop a routines. Stick to those routines. Develop a personal hygiene routine. A workout routine. Eat healthy. These things are easier said than done. Constantly work on these things. If you let one fall, others will start falling too. Self care is a work in progress so never stop improving yourself no matter how many deadlines you have!

Older students are a godsend. If you want to hear a goddamn unbiased opinion, please refer to an older student. The administration or professor might tell you a process or application goes a certain way, but the older students that went through it, know better as they literally had to go through it. The advice they will give you will be more practical than the advice the professors can give you. So listen to them carefully. They will also be able to help you with tips for exams, summaries or explaining. So be friends with them too!

Get a mentor. I was lucky enough to find 2 excellent mentors in my college journey. I became good friends with one of my professors, and she was the one that taught me all I know about personal investing. Honestly, she was the real MVP. Amazing professor, explanations were top notch, and really enjoyed her work. The second one, was my thesis coach. She helped me built my business and her expertise in the field helped me a lot in starting up. Don't be afraid to ask your professors or experts in the field to help you get started! Sometimes, they are eager to pass what they know unto someone. You got nothing to lose!

[queenofallwitches]

an update and primer:

so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.

learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.

brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.

also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.

neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.

other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).

Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.

one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"

which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.

I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:

I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words

from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).

I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.

now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"

I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".

when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.

which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.

I'm not joining or jumping to anything.

either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.

just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.

it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?

I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".

so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.

my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.

I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".

I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.

I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).

bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.

this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.

I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.

I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.

attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.

im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but

I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".

both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.

I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.

I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.

but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.

I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.

I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.

I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.

I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.

I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.

I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.

I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.

I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.

but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.

but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.

few cross that.

that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.

and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.

and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.

in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.

I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.

I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.

but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.

I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.

I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.

I am experimental.

and the women who are judging me, are not any better.

look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.

I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.

I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.

I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.

I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.

if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.

I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.

I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.

I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.

I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.

I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.

I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.

I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.

I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.

I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.

I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.

I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.

I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.

it's a journey.

I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.

I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.

only to be misconceived.

I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.

that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.

I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.

I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.

I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.

I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.

I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.

thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.

my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.

enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".

I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.

I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.

take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.

I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.

I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.

[survivingsusac]

Filters

I had two conversations recently that must have really resonated with me because I’m still thinking about them. One was with my girlfriend last week, and an unrelated conversation with a coworker yesterday at the testing center where I work.

A week ago my girlfriend, the Queen of Niantic, and I talked about my experience meeting a specific person. We determined that meeting this person on my own was remarkable as compared to what it would have been meeting them within a group of people.

The short answer: Filters.

The Long Answer: Filters.

Lemme ‘splain.

Filters and the way I use them affect the relationship I develop with the person I’m interacting with.

You may be familiar with the sensation of adjusting your behavior to make the people around you-your “audience”- more comfortable with accepting you.

You may find you do this when you transition from chilling at home to going to work. The you that sits on the couch with a slice and a drink is typically not the same you at work as a librarian or server at a restaurant. Or, when you were in high school, you may have presented yourself differently when you moved between your fellow athlete friends to your theater friends and the other cliques you may have associated with. (I am definitely guilty here. I used to prioritize fitting in, okay?)

I have been realizing the last few years, as I adjust to the Aurora who is Surviving Susac, that my filters get switched extremely frequently.

The Aurora that my doctors see is different from the Aurora that my gaming friends see; is different from the Aurora the candidates and my colleagues see at work; is different from the Aurora the court sees; is different from the Aurora my mom sees; is different from the Aurora my daughter sees.

IT’S EXHAUSTING. I’M EXHAUSTED ALL. THE. TIME.

So when the Queen of Niantic tells me she wants to introduce me to her other friend, I’m all, “Yes, my Queen,” and also This is your chance, Aurora; meet them alone so that you don’t have to apply any filters.

I did the no filter thing and let. me. tell. you. Being authentic Aurora for a few hours felt SO GOOD and now this friend is probably the person I feel the most comfortable around, like, ever.

Now, I’m not suggesting you drop all your filters ever in every circumstance. You will always need a professional filter for professional situations. But I would encourage you to find where you feel comfortable dropping filters to see what it feels like to set yourself free and be authentically you.

A Recent Filter

Now, yesterday, in this conversation with my coworker Juanderful, I did use my educational filter. Juanderful and I bonded over the career path he’s currently pursuing. He told me his life story (I swear there is a sticker on my forehead that says in all caps, TELL ME ALL YOUR STUFF) and turns out that he is called to be a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT). And this guy is literally designed for it. Everything he says about interpersonal interactions sounds like it could be in one the of case studies or textbooks I read during my master’s program in MFT. Only he does it in such a natural, casual way that he’d be one of those professors on RateMyProfessor.com who gets a super positive review with almost only positive feedback.

Yesterday we had this atypical huge gap of time with no candidates so we took the opportunity to just talk with one another. He shared with me his love of music, the details of his educational path and degree progress, and then it happened.

Juanderful asked why I didn’t write my final paper for the MFT degree.

*Educational filter, activate!*

I explained how I completed literally all my courses and all I had left to turn in was a successful thesis/cap stone paper when the effects 8 years of an overactive sympathetic nervous system (hello, psychological abuse) led my immune system to commit mutiny. Then how after my body took the time to repair itself, the courses began to expire and I would have to retake and pass all the classes again.

I taught him what Susac Syndrome is, how it works, and how it presented in me.

Juanderful’s love language must be Words of Affirmation. Because he gave me the best pep talk I‘ve had in 5 years.

He tells me that the Aurora who defeated Susac Syndrome is a person to be proud of. He is in awe of my ability to say, yes, I earned this master’s degree and have all the knowledge, but I also recognize that given my life experience and perspective I would not be able to guarantee healthy client-therapist relationships. Apparently, to be able to recognize that and walk away to find another way to help people (remember, I’m pursuing sonography) is something he finds admirable. And I guess there’s a stereotype that people with master’s degrees don’t just sit around and chat like we did today? If that’s a real thing, this no chatting, then that would have been a BIG problem for me. Because I am VERY talky! Hence this blog, LOL.

We spent about two hours talking about his music hobby, my diagnosis, divorce, various regions of the brain and their roles.

Like I said, educational filter.

This filter wasn’t quite as exhausting as most filters. I still Facetimed my no-filter, authentic Aurora friend afterwards to recuperate. Then I felt amazing.

My suggestion is for you to think about the various filters you may have in place; some are even put up as a protective measure. Consider carefully lowering them to see if you can find a healthy way to feel your most authentic self.

Surviving Susac,

Aurora

[superlinguo]

Linguistics Jobs: Interview with an Exhibition Content Manager

I was first introduced to Emily Gref, this month’s linguist, in a Linguistics Job Interview she did for All Things Linguistic back in 2015 when she worked as a literary agent. Emily did her MA at SOAS while I was working there, and has gone on to use her skills to support minority language publishing, help us set up transcripts for Lingthusiasm, and, in her current role, participate in the development of Planet Word as their Exhibition Content Manager.  

Planet Word is a language museum, opening in Washington D.C. on May 31, 2020.

What did you study at university?

I received my BA from McGill University with a major in Linguistics and a minor in Anthropology. My focus was pretty theoretical at the time — my honours thesis was on morpho-syntax in Austronesian languages — but one of my favorite courses was field linguistics. I definitely wanted to go to SOAS, University of London, or the University of Hawai'i and learn how to document languages after that course. I ultimately decided I didn't want to stay in academia, though, so after graduating I took a detour and spent several years in book publishing. But I missed linguistics too much! So in 2015 I went for my MA in Language Documentation and Description at SOAS. There my focus was primarily on language revitalization (though I also dipped a toe into some other schools of syntax, because I love it), and my dissertation was about what kinds of books are being published in Indigenous languages of North America and how and why. It was a way to combine my love of linguistics and books with my expertise in publishing. (I've also helped to publish some books in minority languages.)

What is your job?

My official title is Exhibition Content Manager at Planet Word, a new museum about words and language in Washington, D.C. Pretty much anything and everything to do with the exhibits and all the content within them falls under my list of responsibilities! That means 10 main exhibits, and 17 auxiliary exhibits, all about everything from child language acquisition to the history of the English language to language diversity around the world to literature to songwriting and everything in between. Practically, what that means is I do a lot of liaising with our exhibit designers and media producers and our founder to make sure the material we're presenting at the museum is accurate, engaging, and accessible to the general public, especially our core audience of 10- to 12-year-olds. A lot of that is project management stuff (keeping track of licensed assets, streamlining approvals on deliverables, managing outside contractors and consultants, and updating many, many spreadsheets) but I also do a lot of fact-checking, copy editing, and some research and scripting as well, particularly for the linguistic diversity gallery (my personal favorite). How does your linguistics training help you in your job?

Although all of my colleagues share of love of words and language (as you would expect), most of them are more from the museum world than the linguistics world. And although most of our main experiences aren't linguistics-heavy (we're a language arts museum rather than a linguistics museum), I'm the one that takes the first pass at content to ensure that it's correct and uses the most up-to-date research. So I've had to draw heavily on my general linguistics knowledge — Planet Word is incredibly privileged to have an advisory board full of amazing linguists, but I'm sort of the "resident" linguistics expert!

Because the museum is for a young, general audience, it's been really fun to try and get back to a beginner's mind — thinking about the things that most excited me about learning linguistics, or even learning about other languages, or weird facts about English. This has really informed some of the experiences we've created, and it's pretty gratifying to test them out on non-linguists and see them get excited and interested. (Although I will fully admit that I have advocated for some... esoteric aspects of language that nobody but me was excited about. They did not make the cut, and it's for the better, but hopefully some visitors will be inspired and find out more about linguistics for themselves!)

On a more granular level, having the research skills honed by two degrees in linguistics has been invaluable, as well as the data management skills I acquired mostly during my MA. (Hello, database of 2,000+ books.) Knowing about phonetics is also pretty handy when you're trying to coach a voice actor (most of our experiences are auditory and interactive) on how to pronounce non-English words! I have also spent an incredible amount of time with the OED and Etymonline, looking up etymologies for various exhibit-related reasons.

Do you have any advice do you wish someone had given to you about linguistics/careers/university?

Linguistics is such a funny field. I don't think there are a lot of people who end up in it by accident, or just because they've always loved that subject in high school, so they might as well continue it in college/university. Really, you discover by happenstance that it exists and then you fall for it hard. But that means there's almost a sort of assumption that if you're going to Do Linguistics, you're going to be an academic for the long haul. That doesn't necessarily have to be the case. That's why resources like this interview series are so great, but I do wish there was more support within degree programs for connecting linguistics people with jobs that aren't necessarily academia, or computational linguistics, or speech pathology. This is not really advice, sorry! But if I were going to turn it into advice, I'd say: ask early and often what graduates from your program have gone on to do that aren't "traditional" linguist jobs. Any other thoughts or comments?

If I could help open language museums for the rest of my life, I absolutely would. This has been a dream job, and I'm so very lucky. Unfortunately it's a bit of niche field, but I have learned so much by leveraging my linguistics knowledge and skills into a job that opens up many more opportunities.

Recently:

Interview with a Community Outreach Coordinator

Interview with a Marketing Content Specialist

Interview with a Software Engineer

Interview with a Product Manager

Interview with a Communications Specialist

Check out the Linguist Jobs Master List and the Linguist Jobs tag for even more interviews  

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Through a Telescopic Lens

AU-gust Day Thirty-One: A Combination of Two Previous AUs. (19th Century & Professional Rivals) Fandom: Once Upon A Time/Stargate Universe/War of the Worlds Pairing: Rushbelle

Rated: T

Summary: For all that they don’t seem to get along, Ogilvy is certain that there are finer feelings at work between his two assistants, Belle French and Nicholas Rush, and he decides to help them on their way.

Through a Telescopic Lens

Ogilvy had long since accepted that finding true love was probably not going to be on the cards for him, and he had learned to live with this sad knowledge, and he had made his peace with it. Far from vowing never to have anything to do with love and romance and becoming bitter about the whole affair, he had decided that whilst he could not in good faith hope for himself, he could definitely do something about helping others towards true love. 

That was why, when Miss Belle French first came to his observatory with a keen interest in astronomy and a desire to learn as much as she possibly could, having heard tell of the accuracy and resolution of his telescope, Ogilvy began to wonder.

He began to wonder even more when Miss Belle French first met Mr Nicholas Rush. 

Rush had been Ogilvy’s assistant for the past three years. Unable to afford university attendance and having been dismissed from his hard-won scholarship after one too many arguments with the professors, becoming an apprentice had been his best chance of increasing his knowledge and putting his intellect to good use - and even Ogilvy would admit that Rush was a brilliant scientist, although he never used quite such strong terms to Rush himself, fearing that the younger man’s hubris would one day be the better of him. 

When Belle came into their lives at the observatory, Ogilvy knew that day had come. 

To say that Belle and Rush hated each other at first sight would have been incorrect. Belle had no feelings towards Rush one way or the other, so the hatred went one way only, and Ogilvy didn’t think that Rush’s strong feelings really manifested as hatred, more a fear of losing his prestigious position. If Ogilvy took Belle on as another apprentice, then where did that leave Rush?

He needn’t have worried, and Ogilvy had tried a few times to reassure him. Ogilvy would quite happily have taken on as many apprentices as his observatory could hold. Still, it was clear that Rush viewed Belle as an imposter and a rival, and he seemed to be devoting as much time to needling her and trying to push her out as he did to actually working on his observations.

Belle, for her part, took no notice of Rush’s insistent prodding, which only served to infuriate him even more. In fact, Ogilvy would go so far as to say that Belle found it amusing and would needle Rush back just as much in jest in order to get a giggle at his expense. The interactions between the two of them were fascinating to watch, and Ogilvy was certain that had he been a naturalist instead of a chemist and astronomer, he would have been able to write an entire thesis on the courtship habits of the human male and female using Belle and Rush as a case study.

There was definitely something there between them that neither of them had acknowledged yet. He had first seen it on the very first day that Belle had come into the observatory and set up at her little desk, much to Rush’s chagrin. It had only grown in the weeks that had passed since then. For all Rush professed his ire towards her, he couldn’t take his eyes off her, and Belle, for her part, would sneak little glances at her rival whenever she thought that he wasn’t looking.

There were definitely some finer feelings going on there, although getting them to admit it might prove rather more difficult. Ogilvy had toyed with the idea of simply leaving them alone in the observatory together for increasing periods of time until they actually talked to each other properly without the sniping or sarcasm that usually accompanied their conversations, but given the high levels of antagonism that were heavy in the air, he feared for the safety of some of his scientific equipment if he were to take that option.

The one thing that was clear was that they were not going to get there under their own steam, and Ogilvy, in his self-appointed position as matchmaker and helper along of true love, was going to have to coax them in the right direction. First of all, though, he had to establish that he had not misread the signs completely. Like any good scientist, he was going to have to test his hypothesis before it could be confirmed as a viable theory.

Ogilvy put his hypothesis to the test one evening after Belle had left the observatory and gone home. She lived with her father, who, whilst he did not actively condemn her interest in science and astronomy, was certainly rather iffy about the whole thing, and he did not like her staying out the entire night with only two single men for company. Ogilvy smiled at the notion. There was certainly nothing to worry about from his quarter, but he felt that Mr French would have to get used to the idea of Rush being in his daughter’s life sooner rather than later.

“You know, Mr Rush,” Ogilvy began as they were packing everything away for the night, “I think that some days you spend more time attempting to aggravate Miss French than you do actually doing your own work. Perhaps if you were to focus your attention more on what you’re supposed to be doing, you would not feel so incredibly insecure in your position as to feel the need to watch her every moment of the time you’re in the same room.”

Rush stiffened. “I just want to make sure that she doesn’t make any stupid mistakes,” he muttered. “She hardly has the experience that her position requires. She’s barely more than an amateur.”

“We were all barely more than amateurs once,” Ogilvy pointed out. “But in all the time that you’ve been, ahem, supervising her, has she ever made a stupid mistake?”

“No.”

“Mr Rush, there’s really no need to sound so incredibly disappointed in that fact. This game of one-upmanship that you’re playing with Miss French isn’t at all gentlemanly, especially since she isn’t playing back. Might I suggest that you try and take your eyes off her for a while? Although I will admit, she is certainly beautiful, and I can quite see why a man such as yourself would want to gaze upon her so intently for such extended periods of time.”

At this suggestion, Rush began to splutter indignantly, the tips of his ears going distinctly pink. Ogilvy just smiled to himself. It appeared that part one of his hypothesis had been nicely proven. Now all he had to do was to get Belle’s side of the story.

Given that Belle did not bristle every time Rush’s name was mentioned, this was a far easier process, since he could as good as ask her outright. It was the next day, and Rush had been sent on a contrived errand to the post office to get him out of the way. He had gone grumbling that as the more junior of the two of them, Belle should be the one sent to the post office, but Ogilvy had just smiled benignly and waved him on his way before turning back to Belle. They had been working in a companionable silence for a little while before he spoke.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, Belle, what your thoughts towards Mr Rush are. I know that you always respond to his jabs marvellously, but in the moments when you’re not verbally jousting, how do you find him?”

“Well, he’s rude, and arrogant, and incredibly insecure. He’s got a chip on his shoulder the size of Cheddar Gorge, but there’s something about him that I can’t help but like. In the moments when he puts aside this stupid rivalry he has with me and gets talking about the science and the stars he’s so passionate about, he becomes a completely different person. It’s wonderful to hear. Then it’s almost as if he remembers that he’s supposed to be snipping at me rather than enthusing about science and it’s back to the way it was before. For those moments, though, it’s like getting a glimpse into the real him…”

She broke off with an embarrassed cough, looking away.

“Sorry. That probably wasn’t what you meant.”

“Oh no, my dear, it’s proved most insightful nonetheless.”

Belle sighed. “Do you think that he’s ever going to stop hating me? I can handle the verbal jousting, as you so quaintly put it; in fact I quite enjoy it at times, but I can’t help thinking that it must be exhausting for him to maintain such a high level of petty dislike for so long, especially when I can see it’s just for show, and I’ve seen the glimpses of his true nature.”

“I don’t think he hates you at all, Miss French. In fact, I’d go so far as to say the opposite.”

“He’s got a very funny way of showing it.”

“He is, as you correctly surmised, incredibly insecure. He’s had to fight hard for everything that he’s received in life, and he can’t bear the thought of what he has now being taken away from him like his other opportunities have been. Put frankly, he recognises your brilliance and he feels threatened by you. Once he realises that he has nothing to fear from you, then I think you might be surprised.”

Belle smiled.

“I do hope that you’re right, Dr Ogilvy.”

X

For the next few days after these conversations had taken place, Ogilvy continued to watch the progression of Belle and Rush’s conversations. At first, it seemed that nothing had changed between them. The sparring continued, and so did the constant glances. But after a day or so, he noticed the change. Both of them mellowed a little, the back and forth no longer as sharp and biting but more in the spirit of fun. Rush actually praised one of Belle’s observations one evening, which earned him a glowing smile from her, in turn making his ears go pink again.

Ogilvy just smiled to himself as he superintended. Things were definitely going in the right direction. Perhaps they could be trusted to be left alone together after all. It would only be for a few minutes – he couldn’t afford a scandal, after all – but hopefully it would be enough for something to happen. If Rush didn’t feel the need to keep up the façade of hatred for Ogilvy as an audience, maybe true feelings would come to light.

It was a sunny day in the observatory when he announced that he was stepping out into the garden for some trivial reason or other, and he promptly proceeded to walk around the perimeter three times doing absolutely nothing of note before coming back into the observatory. Belle and Rush were standing a little closer together, their heads both bent over the same book as they worked together, rather than against each other for once. After a while, they seemed to realise the proximity that they had got into, looking at each other as awkward silence reigned.

Belle took the initiative. Ogilvy had thought that she would be the one to do so. She snapped the book shut and pecked a chaste little kiss to Rush’s cheek before saying her thanks and moving away. Rush was left standing as if petrified for a long time afterwards, and it was only Ogilvy taking pity on him and attracting his attention that pulled him out of his stupor.

Ogilvy smiled to himself again. Yes, he was certain that those two were going to be heading in the right direction now.

[rocksandrobots]

Of Rocks and Robots Ch. 6 - The Beach

Saturday had come and Varian and the rest of his new friends were all crowded in Wasabi's car. Wasabi had precisely enough room to fit six people, though perhaps a bit uncomfortably. He and Varian rode in the front seat, with Varian carrying Ruddiger in his carrying cage, while Hiro, Gogo, Honey Lemon, and Fred were squished together in the back seat. The robot, Baymax, was folded up inside his battery pack and tucked away in the trunk to make room. 

Apparently today was a holiday and they were all heading to the beach. Well in truth the actual holiday was on Monday, but Americans spent the whole weekend in celebration. Said holiday was Memorial Day and was meant to honor warriors who fell in battle. However, despite this somber origin, most considered the weekend to be the official start of summer and would mark the occasion with picnics, parties, and public swimming. 

For Varian and his friends though, this was the end of spring break. Starting on Tuesday, the university they now all attended would open back up and the summer semester would begin. The thought of which sent Varian's stomach churning with butterflies. He'd never been to school before and didn't know what to expect. He was filled with anxious excitement and to calm his nerves he looked out the car window to admire the scenery.

He'd been in this strange new world for a week now but he'd had little chance to admire it. For the past five days he'd been busy studying for his entrance exams for college. Passing the 'graduation' test in particular was important for gaining admittance into the school and Varian had to do some serious cramming to prepare for it. Squeezing twelve years worth of educational knowledge into his brain in less than a week.  

Fortunately Varian was very good at memorizing facts and all his new friends were on hand to help him. On Monday, Hiro had helped him gather up the study materials he'd needed and told him what to expect. Wasabi gave him practice tests throughout the week and helped him pinpoint the areas he was weakest in. He was pretty good with math and grasped most of the science quickly, with Wasabi being on hand to fill in the gaps, but he needed help in other less familiar subjects. 

Gogo had swung by on Tuesday and spent the whole day giving Varian a crash course in Social Studies, which was a combination of history, geography, and civics. 

Varian took a special interest in America's founding and it's chosen form of government, which was unlike anything he had heard of before. They had no king nor royalty of any kind. In fact the country was founded by people who committed treason and fought a war to overthrow their ruler, and who then put into place a democracy made up of elected representatives instead. It most closely resembled the government of ancient Rome, before Julius Caesar had taken over, but was expanded upon to encompass a vast kingdom, larger than even most empires. 

Varian had already thought San Fansokyo was an impressively large city, but was completely flabbergasted to know that not only was it not the largest city in the country, it wasn't even the biggest within its own providence; and there were fifty of these states that stretched across the continent from coast to coast with similarly massive metropolises in each. 

It was mind boggling and it took him sometime to wrap his brain around the concept. And that was just the tip of the iceberg, he also had to catch up with some four hundred odd years worth of world events on top of that. But Gogo was a patient teacher and she carefully broke down everything into manageable chunks, giving him timelines, charts, and maps for him to refer back to. By the end of the day he had perhaps learned more in those eight hours spent with her than he had in his whole sixteen years. 

On Wednesday, Fred had showed up to help Varian practice for the writing portion of the tests. He would have to complete two essays on any given subject for each of the two exams. Fred himself had actually completed one of the same tests, the S.A.T, just a few months ago and knew what the graders were looking for when it came to such essays. 

Mainly, they just wanted to know if Varian could follow the basic guidelines of writing; paragraphs and sentence structure, grammar, spelling, and his overall ability to form an argument on paper. All things Varian felt pretty comfortable with, but it was nevertheless a good refresher of those basics. Essay writing and thesis statements were apparently expected of any student attending higher education and he would have to write many during the course of his studies. 

Thursday, Honey Lemon stopped by to help Varian with Language Arts. Both tests would cover reading comprehension and even more grammar. Once again Varian was pretty comfortable with those two subjects, especially given the writing practice from the day before, and so they finished pretty quickly. Even with Honey Lemon adding in extra information about various important books and plays that had been written in the past four centuries, just in case any of them made it into the reading part of the exam. Though Shakespeare was still deemed the most influential even in this modern age. A fact which disappointed Varian; he personally thought Marlowe to be superior to the bard. 

"You don't even like Romeo and Juliet?" Honey Lemon asked aghast, "But it's sooo romantic." 

"But it's sooo stupid," Varian mockingly admonished with a laugh. Which in turn made Honey Lemon give him a not-so-serious pout. 

"Look, what was stopping them from just leaving together in the first place?" Varian explained his point. 

Honey Lemon opened her mouth to retort back but just as soon closed it again; she had never considered that question before. She screwed up her mouth in thought as she searched for a better answer. 

"Weeelll, sometimes it's hard to leave the only home you've ever known. Isn't that why you want to get back to your world?" She asked him.

Varian just stared at her for a moment, thinking of an answer to give that didn't allow him to explain his past in detail. Finally he said, "I wanna get back because my dad is there. I couldn’t care less about Corona itself." 

"You don't care at all?"

"It's just a bunch of buildings." He mumbled with a shrug, then he added, more assuredly, "What matters is the people in your life." 

"I guess," She replied, "all I know is that I had a hard enough time just leaving Sacramento. Even though it's only an hour and a half away and I can still see my family whenever. I can't imagine what it's like to be lost in a whole other world." 

Varian ignored her attempts to sympathize, not because he didn't appreciate the effort, but because he was ready to move on from the conversation. Instead he shut his eyes tightly and tilted his head back, trying to recall some of the new information he had recently learned. "Sacramento; that's the capital of California, right?" 

"Yeah. But don't worry, no one actually memorizes all fifty states and their capitals. I only know like twenty or so." She admitted.

"Oh, good." Varian breathed in relief. Soon both he and Honey Lemon were just giggling, happy to relieve the tension in the room.

"Oooh, you know what? I brought my make-up bag with me!" Honey Lemon suddenly exclaimed, and just like that all previous talk about literature and writing gave away to other subjects, mostly chemistry.

Honey Lemon made her own cosmetics. It was a passion of hers to find new, safe, and 'biodegradable' chemical compounds to replace some of the more toxic stuff on the market. 

"And absolutely no animal testing." She added in all seriousness. 

She even sold her wares over the internet, shipping them to customers as they ordered them, as a means of making money on the side. 

She poured out the contents of a rather large tote bag onto the floor and walked Varian through each item, what it was for, and how she had made it. Varian listened intently and even tried some of the stuff himself. 

He found he didn’t care much for lipstick nor cakey foundation, the texture was off putting to him. He also didn’t like anything with a heavy perfume. However, he did like the eyeliner and the black fingernail polish he had previously bought. He was still fascinated by the concept of synthesized polymers. 

They were both sitting on the floor, makeup strewn everywhere, laughing over nothing in particular, when Wasabi came home from his part-time job. Honey Lemon was in the middle of applying mascara to Varian’s eyes and he was trying his best not to blink but failing at it, which only sent both of them into more fits of giggles. Meanwhile, unnoticed by them both, Ruddgier had gotten into the powered blush and was making a mess in another corner of the room.

“I thought you two were studying.” Wasabi said with a hint of annoyance to his voice. He was tired from work and none too happy to find makeup scattered about his dorm room. 

“Sorry,” Honey Lemon tried to say through her laughter, “but we finished early and I’d promise to teach Varian how to paint his nails.” Varian held up his hand to show Wasabi his newly painted nails as a way of response. 

“That’s nice.” Wasabi replied back in a sarcastic tone. “Did you also teach the raccoon how to put on foundation?” 

That’s when they both finally noticed Ruddiger. Varian got onto his pet and went to clean up the mess, effectively ending the study/make-up session. 

The next day, Wasabi gave him two final practice tests and then it was time for him to take the real thing. He met Professor Granville at the school and, alongside a few other hopeful students, took the two tests. 

The first test, the S.A.T., went smoothly, but he wouldn’t know his actual scores until his answer sheet and essay were sent off to be graded. The graduation test however was taken over the computer and it took several hours to complete with a few breaks between parts. He felt he could have finished sooner had he had the chance to take the test using a pencil and paper instead, as he found the mouse and keyboard awkward. But the positive thing about using the new technology was that he got his scores back sooner. He managed to pass all the parts, even with him just barely scraping by on the Social Studies section. His official certification would come in the mail, the professor told him, but for all intents and purposes he now had a high school diploma. 

Which was apparently a big deal in this world. Earning a diploma was considered to be something of a rite of passage. Obtaining one meant you were ready to start entering the adult world and with it you could gain full time employment or seek higher education, like college. According to his friends, he should’ve been extra proud of this accomplishment since gaining a high school diploma at his age, while not unheard of, was unusual, and he had done it in less than a week when most took years to achieve it. 

To signify just how important this was, all his new friends threw him a party at the Lucky Cat. Even Aunt Cass had pitched in and made him a special dinner. It was something called ‘sushi’ and she typically prepared it for celebrations like this one; having cooked similar dinners for both Tadashi and Hiro when they had graduated high school as well.       

Varian was appreciative of her efforts, though he didn’t quite know what to make of the food itself. The ‘sushi’ consisted mostly of rice topped with raw fish wrapped in seaweed. The taste wasn’t bad but the texture of the uncooked seafood was weird to Varian. Fortunately, not everything was raw. There were different kinds to be had and Varian was able to pick out some that he did enjoy; ones stuffed with crab, egg, or just veggies. He especially liked the ‘dessert sushi’ made with tropical fruit.

He’d just finished recalling last night, when Wasabi loudly proclaimed, “We're here!” 

There were whoops and joyous yells in response from the various passengers and Varian looked out the front windshield to see the familiar blue streak that was the ocean just up ahead. Wasabi parked the car in the designated parking lot and then they all piled out of said vehicle and made their way down to the beachfront. 

The sandy beach was tucked in between two rocky cliffs and you had to walk down a wooden stairway to get to it. As he made his way down the stairwell, Varian could look out and see the expanse of dark blue ocean and lighter blue sky go on forever. It didn't look much different from Corona's coast. What did look different were the inhabitants. Corona's coastline was usually deserted save for the ports and the occasional fishing boat off in the distance, but here the beach was a mass of half naked bodies and swarms of vacationers enjoying the summer sun. Spread out along the sandy tolls were towels, blankets, folding chairs, and umbrellas of all sizes with scantily clad people lounging upon or underneath. 

Varian tried to remember Gogo's words from a week ago, about how this was deemed normal and not to bring himself to attention by starring. But everywhere Varian looked he was met with the sight of a lovely lady's long legs or a handsome lad's toned chest. Not looking was very much like asking a small child in a pastry shop to hold their nose and ignore the sweet smells of pies and cakes surrounding them. Fortunately, he was able to keep his composure long enough for them to reach the shore and find a spot to set up camp for the day; managing not to hold his gaze for too long on any one person or thing. 

They had brought a variety of towels and folding chairs of their own, along with a large parasol and ice chest full of food and drink for the day. Varian and Wasabi had spent that morning making sandwiches for everyone; tuna fish salad, sliced cucumbers with butter, jam mixed with a spread made from ground nuts, and some sort of mystery meat called 'baloney' paired with cheese. Varian couldn't figure out if said baloney was made from ham or chicken, as it didn't really taste like either, though it also didn't taste bad per-say. They also stored small bags of crispy fried potatoes, individually wrapped miniature cakes, and bottles of some sort of fizzy drink called 'soda' in the chest as well. Varian found the carbonated sugary drink to be odd but surprisingly tasty. 

While everyone was setting up Hiro unpacked Baymax from his portable charger, the robot inflated to full size again before stepping out, and Varian released Ruddiger from his carrier. The raccoon was grateful to be let out of the small cage at last and promptly snuggled up on one of the folding chairs under the sun to catnap. Varian didn't think the leash necessary as there really wasn't any place for his pet to run off to. 

Once done with setting up, the gang then proceeded to unpack the various toys and games they had brought along as well. There was a game you played with a net, like tennis, only you used your hands to pass a 'volleyball' over said net instead of a racket and you didn't want the larger ball to touch the ground at any point. They also brought a flat discus called a 'frisbee' which you threw from person to person. Gogo had with her a flat wooden board used to ride the waves that broke along the shore. Which she let Varian and her other friends try out for themselves. 

Varian however was not very good at any of these new sports. While he was fairly athletic, capable of running, climbing, and whatnot, he had never been the best at coordination. More often than not he'd simply trip and fall in his efforts to keep up with the ball or maintain his balance on the surfboard. 

Instead Varian found himself wandering off occasionally to try and strike up conversations with new people. He'd hadn't had a lot of social interaction while growing up, especially with others his age, and he wanted some practice before he started school in a few days. Hopefully to ease the awkwardness of being dumped in a world that he knew next to nothing about. 

However every time he'd smile at a pretty girl or make eye contact with a cute boy his age, his efforts to make small talk were sabotaged by some mishap or other. Either his own clumsiness would get in the way or he'd put his foot in mouth, as the saying goes. One particularly unfortunate incident involved him getting beaned in the back of the head from a misthrown volleyball while trying to chat up a couple of vacationing teens. Fortunately, his embarrassing failures at flirting would be followed by one of his new friends trying to engage him with some other activity so he was never left alone with his awkwardness for long. 

Swimming, sand castle building, more games; like 'chicken', where you tried to push one person off another person's shoulders into the water, or 'Marco Polo' where one person had to find the others with their eyes closed, using the ancient explorer's name as a call and response, digging for seashells, and other similar actives were to be had to pass the time away. 

Finally, the sun started to hang low in the sky and they all headed back to the car. They were wet, tired and covered in sand. They tried to knock the irritating substance off their shoes and things before all squeezing back into the ill fitting vehicle in order to head back home. They all sat on towels so as not to get the seats wet and their bathing suits and cover up clothes all clung to them dripping with sea water. 

Varian sat again in the front seat, only this time Honey Lemon had asked to hold Ruddiger on the ride back. She, Gogo, Fred, and Hiro were all fast asleep in the backseat with Baymax once again tucked away in his battery case. Wasabi had the radio on in order to keep himself awake as he drove (and to drown out Honey Lemon's snoring if he was being honest). The music that filtered out of the speakers was called 'classical' music, which just meant it was mostly orchestral music from ages past. To Varian it sounded very modern and sophisticated to his ears, like chamber music played for royal courts, not the more rustic folk music he grew up on. 

Right now a gentle suite with piano and strings was playing and it along with the steady motion of the car moving was beginning to lull Varian to sleep as well. He looked out again at the houses and scenery that passed by and thought of the day's events and the fun he had had as his eyes grew heavy. This world was so much more inviting and nicer than his own, it was a shame he'd have to leave it soon, but his Dad needed him and that was that. And with that final resolve Varian drifted off to dreamland. 

[aliyasheikh001]

Career In Bioinformatics: Is It Worth?

What is Bioinformatics?

Bioinformatics is an interdisciplinary field concerned with developing and applying methods from computer science to biological problems. For example, the Human Genome Project, which was completed in 2001, wouldn't have been possible without the contribution of intricate bioinformatic algorithms, which were critical for the assembly of millions of short sequences that are molecular.

Bioinformaticians need a background that is solid computer science but also a good understanding of biology. Since bioinformaticians work closely with biologists, they need to communicate complex topics in a way that is understandable to keep up-to-date with new developments in biology.

Studying Bioinformatics

I took part in a preparatory maths course at university before studying Bioinformatics at Saarland University. It turned out to be a smart decision to take that course for university because I realized that my high-school education was not as comprehensive as necessary to prepare me. For example, only in the preparatory time learned about proofs by induction or set theory.

I understood why the university offered preparatory maths courses: the maths lectures were brutal when I started my studies. There would usually be two lectures, each spanning two hours a week. The approach was the following in terms of teaching. The lecturer would scribble definitions and proofs onto the blackboard, and the students would try to keep up with the dizzying pace. Due to the short lecture speed, I always felt that attending the courses didn't help me learn the material.

In my Bachelor's bioinformatics curriculum, roughly 70% of the program's credit points had to be earned in computer science (e.g. programming, algorithms and data structures, concurrency) and maths courses (e.g. Analysis, algebra, stochastics). In contrast, the remainder of the credits could be obtained from the full life sciences. I felt that the first three terms at university were the hardest because each semester featured a maths and a computer science course that is basic. The semesters that are later a more significant share of Bioinformatics courses as well as more hands-on seminars.

Comparing life-science and computer-science courses, I found the life-science procedures much more straightforward and less effort. While life-science lectures just required attending the classes and passing the exam, computer-science methods involved much more work. There are weekly tutorials where the solutions to the assignments are weekly discussed. Additionally, some classes featured short (15 minutes) tests. In these classes, it was usually necessary to reach 50% of the maximum score in the assignments and tests to take the exam (either only a single exam or a mid-term and end-term exam).

What differentiates the Master's through the Bachelor's system is that it is more research-oriented and allows for much greater specialization. Including, I used my Master's to consider machine methods that can be learning as supervised learning or reinforcement learning. The Master's thesis uses up a much more significant element of the total credit points than the Bachelor's thesis. Therefore abilities such as, for instance, literary works analysis, method development, and scientific writing become even more critical in terms of research.

Job Leads as being a Bioinformatics Graduate

Learning bioinformatics, I happened to be often expected where you could act as a bioinformatician. About 80% of bioinformatics place have been in research or the public sector. The issue with research jobs is that they're usually fixed-term (age. g. two years) because these positions in many cases are financed task that is using. Into the public sector, bioinformaticians are often desired in the medical industry (e.g. in hospitals) plus in health-related federal government institutions. The benefit of roles in the public sector is the fact that they've been usually permanent. Nonetheless, employment in an organization that is the general public as being a hospital often involves method administration duties such as, for instance, starting computers and databases - tasks that have little to accomplish with bioinformatics itself. Furthermore, both research and public-sector positions provide fair salaries being low to industry.

In my estimation, no more than 20% of bioinformatics jobs come in the industry. How come the percentage therefore low? The main reason is the only industry sector that employs bioinformaticians is big pharma, within my view. Right here, bioinformaticians are expected to perform tasks such instance:

��           Modeling: Estimation of protein structures and simulation of molecular interactions

•           Data processing: processing and evaluating sequencing information, for example, from next-generation sequencing or sequencing that is single-cell

•           Virtual screening: breakthrough of leads (prospective brand new medications) using computational practices

•           Data technology: Analysis and interpretation of data

Since bioinformatics is very research-oriented and industry jobs are few, many graduates (maybe 40%) join PhD programs. The people industry joining work in non-bioinformatics roles is an example, since it consultants, software designers, solutions architects, or information scientists.

Some individuals advise against studying bioinformatics because it is difficult to find an operating task afterwards. I didn't have that experience at all, and I received a job that is numerous from recruiters. I might argue that having a bioinformatics degree, job prospects are acceptable due to the fact bioinformaticians have a particular skill, helping to make them appealing for organizations:

•           Bioinformatics graduates exhibit the traits of T-shaped experts. This permits them to execute many different tasks and to behave as facilitators in interdisciplinary teams.

•           Bioinformatics graduates often have more experience that is useful software than computer-science graduates.

•           Bioinformatics graduates are keen learners. Their proficiency in numerous disciplines shows that they can effortlessly conform to situations being brand new.

Advice to Prospective Bioinformatics Pupils and Graduates

Whether I would study bioinformatics again, I might be torn backwards and forwards if you asked me. Regarding the one hand, I must say I liked the variety of the bioinformatics system, and, with a degree in bioinformatics, many jobs are possible. The economic truth is there are few bioinformatics roles, so when you take a non-bioinformatics work, all your specialized knowledge decreases the drain having said that. Hence, I could also imagine studying a less subject specialized as computer or data science.

If you are thinking about studying bioinformatics, here are a few bits of advice:

•           Do not study Bioinformatics if you hate maths. Especially the semesters that are first maths-intensive.

•           Do no study Bioinformatics that it is very similar to studying biology if you were to think. Keep in mind that bioinformatics is more associated with computer technology than biology. You will find excessively biologists, which can be a few results in the change to bioinformatics.

• if you aim to operate as a bioinformatician in industry, plan. Remember to take courses that are industry-relevant forge industry connections, for example, through internships.

•           Be flexible in your career ambitions. After graduating, you could not act as a bioinformatician. Nonetheless, you won't have problems locating a place when you have good programming and information analysis abilities.

        Bioinformatics Versus Data Science

•           possibly the most useful definition of "bioinformatics" is processing and analyzing large-scale genomics and other biological datasets to develop biological insights. As a result, other terms are often used, such as "computational genomics" and data that are "genomic."

•           Data science is a little broader, mostly a more general term whose meaning is similar to bioinformatics minus the focus of biological processing and evaluating large-scale datasets to produce insights.

•           in an article in Towards Data Science by Altuna Akalin, who cites audacity.

An information scientist's primary abilities include programming, machine learning, data, data wrangling, data visualization and communication, and data intuition, which probably means troubleshooting data concerns that are analysis-related.

•           What comes up in bioinformatics is domain-specific information processing and quality checking, fundamental information transformation and filtering, statistics and device learning, domain-specific analytical tools and information visualization and integration, capacity to write code (programming), the power to communicate insights which can be data-driven.

•           the difference that is key in Akalin's definitions is "certain domain data." The domain is genomic, proteomic, hereditary, and healthcare-related information in life sciences. It does not necessarily add sales and data, which are economical. Another method of putting it's that a bioinformatics professional is probable an information scientist; however, a data scientist is not necessarily a bioinformatician.

          Bioinformatics Facts & Figures

•           Persistence Market Research recently published a report, "Global Market Study on Bioinformatics – Asia to Witness Fastest Growth by 2020," which valued the worldwide bioinformatics market at $4.110 billion in 2014 but likely to grow at an annual mixture growth (CAGR) of 20.4 % from 2014 to 2020, hitting 12.542 billion in 2020.

•           The Future of Jobs Survey 2018 by the World Economic Forum estimates that 85 per cent of surveyed businesses tend or very likely to consider data analytics being big. It also indicated that the revolution that is "industrial create 133 million brand new job functions and that 75 million jobs are disappearing by 2020."

•           And yes, you guessed it, many of the jobs which are now in the regions of information technology and bioinformatics. In reality, the #1 top ten job champion ended up being "data analysts and scientists" followed closely by "artificial intelligence and machine learning specialists." The number 4 spot was data that are "big," followed by "digital transformation experts" (#5), "software and applications developers and analysts" (#9) and "information technology services." (#10).

•           together with job outlook for bioinformatics for 2018 to 2026? The Bioinformatics Home weblog writes, "The easy reply to this real question is that the overall outlook is excellent, the demand outweighs the supply. However, the devil is within the details as usual. Nevertheless, it's good to become a bioinformatics scientist."

         Job Titles and Search Terms

•           Although "bioinformatician" could be a certain job, and there are various keywords that are frequently related, including bioinformatics.

Bioengineering, computational science, pc software engineering, device learning, math, data, molecular biology, biochemistry, computer technology, biostatistics, biomedical engineering, engineering, biology, information systems, genomics, computational biology, information science, and epidemiology.

•           a search that is single BioSpace developed over 100 jobs mainly using "bioinformatics." The idea being: biostatisticians in the space that is biopharma to have a good comprehension of both data science and particular aspects of the life span sciences.

•           Akalin had written, you're kept with most of the information science skillset plus some more "If you eliminate the particular domain needs from the bioinformatics set of skills. Individuals who result in the switch from bioinformatics to information technology will most need that is likely to adjust to the company's information organization and circulation environment. The issues are from a different domain, so they will have to adjust to that also. But the same would be true, at the least to some degree, for the data researchers jobs that are switching various employers."

•           Akalin also points out that much of the difference is regarding mindset, particularly in academia to industry. Several information researchers who switched to bioinformatics or vice versa said that the sector is more product-oriented and customer and that the models needed on the market require more maintenance. "Besides," Akalin writes, discussing Markus Schuler, "he shares the idea itself is as important in product-oriented thinking that you don't constantly select the coolest and the most useful models; other factors like operating time, execution demands, scalability and architecture fit and also interpretability for the model. However, in terms of skills, he adds that bioinformatics and data technology is very comparable if not identical."

         Job Growth and Median Wages

•           The Bureau of Labor Statistics doesn't execute a task that is great of down specializations like data science and bioinformatics, tending to lump everything under Mathematicians and Statisticians. The BLS claims the task outlook from 2016 to 2026 is 33 per cent, much faster than average, and that the median pay in 2017 ended up being $84,760 with a Master's Degree for that category. Statisticians were cited among the fastest-growing occupations, at 34 per cent, and epidemiologists have an improvement rate of 9 per cent and pay that is median of Master's Degree prospect of $69,660.

•           In 2018, O*NET OnLine, sponsored by the U.S. Department of Labor, projected task development for bioinformatics researchers within the U.S. to be 5 to 9 % and as high as 12 % in California. They launched that from 2016 to 2026, there is 3,700 new job, and that total employment in 2016 had been 39,000 staffers. Based on the study, the same median wages in 2017 were $76,690 yearly for bioinformatics boffins and $47,700 for specialists.

While the Bioinformatics Home blog correctly notes, "In any case, median salaries give just a proven fact that is vague of because the wages differ enormously between quantities of employment."

Do you want more informational blogs Click here

[lia-jones]

Growing Pains - Chapter Twenty Three - Nobel Material

I felt soft warm hands brushing the hair out of my face. Opening one eye, I took in my surroundings. The room was still dark, which meant that the sun wasn’t quite up yet. A soft familiar voice whispered in my ear.

“I’m going for a run, I’ll be back in an hour. Go back to sleep.”

I closed my eyes obediently, as Victor’s lips brushed softly against my hair, lulling me back to sleep.

I was greeted by the smell of pancakes when I walked into the kitchen, two hours later. Victor was humming by the stove, dripping batter in the skillet, looking fresh and pleased. He smiled as he watched me sit on the stool at the kitchen island, running my fingers through my wet curls.

“Good morning.” He greeted me as he handed me a mug with freshly brewed coffee.

I took a sip of the comforting drink. His coffee was strong and aromatic. I hummed as I felt it go down my throat.

“Hmmm. Thanks. And good morning.”

Victor already knew that I wasn’t very chatty before my morning coffee, so he would usually let me be until I had had at least one third of the mug. I watched him walk around the kitchen, his perfect buttocks moving as he walked and turned in front of the stove. After a short while, I had a beautiful plate of pancakes topped with raspberries, walnuts and maple syrup, my favorite.

“I have a late meeting today, I won’t be able to leave on time. I’ll have a driver take you here.” Victor spoke behind his newspaper, as he read the news.

“It’s fine. I have to go home today, anyway. Besides, I have that reunion with the Dean.”

“You’re going home today?” He peeked from behind the paper, eyebrow raised.

“Well, I have to at some point. I have been sleeping here for the last two nights already. I need to do laundry and stuff.”

“I have a washing machine and a cleaning lady. She could do that for you.”

“And let your cleaning lady get her hands on my undies? No way.” I joked.

“What’s so wrong with that?”

“Only you are allowed to touch my undies.” I used a playful dramatic voice.

Victor cleared his throat as he glanced at his wristwatch, and got up from his seat. I did the same.

“Keep it that way.” Victor came closer and softly slapped my butt. “We have to go.”

It had been two months since I completed my doctorate, and I was no longer an intern in LFG, as I took Ted’s position as an international business consultant. Although we never made an effort to hide our relationship from anyone at LFG, we didn’t talk openly about it either, except for Goldman and Diane. Victor was an extremely private person, and I didn’t want people treating me differently because I was dating the boss.

I arrived at my desk and found I already had another cup of coffee for me. I frowned at it, puzzled.

“Goldman brought it. He went to buy coffee for all of us.”

“Hmmm, nice going, Goldie. I can always use more coffee.” I said, opening up my laptop and checking my email.

“Ok, before you go all work no play mode, I want to share an idea with you.” I nodded and turned to Diane, giving her my attention. “So, Goldman wants to know if you want to go on a double date.”

“Wait, you and Goldman plus me and…” I trailed off, not wanting other people to hear me namedrop Victor’s name.

“Yes. What do you think?”

“I think it’s a good idea, but him on a double date? I don’t see that happening anytime soon.” I shook my head in disbelief. Victor? No way.

“Either way, Goldman will invite him himself. I was just asking because you are my friend, and you matter as much as he does.”

“And that’s very thoughtful of you.” I smiled. “Just don’t get your hopes up.”

My day went on between calls, clients and proposals. Miss Bates took my suggestion to heart and was preparing a fashion show, and even though she wasn’t my client, Victor asked me to help her out. So, every day I would get tons of emails with pictures or questions, that I obliged to answer.

Later in the afternoon, Goldman told me Victor wanted to see me.

“You called?” I said, opening the door that Goldman left ajar.

“Close the door behind you.” Victor said from behind his computer.

As I shut the door and turned to face him, Victor was already standing right behind me. I jumped a bit, startled.

“Seriously, a bell around that neck would be a wonderful idea.” I teased.

“You’re not having coffee.” He whispered, pulling me for a long kiss.

“Is that all you wanted?” I asked when he let my lips go.

“No.” He went for the desk and took out a set of keys. My car keys. “It’s parked at LFG’s parking lot, -2, letter C.”

I tried to grab the keys but he lifted his hand high, so I couldn’t reach them. I gave him a flat look.

“On one condition.” He continued. “You’ll meet me at my apartment after you’re done, and we’ll have dinner. Bring a bag of clean clothes.”

“Wow, you’re persistent.” I pretended to be upset. “You’ll call me when you’re done? My meeting will probably be over before yours.”

“That being the case…” He showed me my car keys. I noticed there was a card and another key on my keychain. “The keycard is for the gate and the garage. The key is for the front door. You can wait for me inside.”

“Mr. Lee… The keys to your kingdom?” I smiled.

“Quit being foolish and let me go to my meeting.” He pretended to be annoyed. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

The sun was turning orange when I arrived at Loveland University. Professor Carson, the dean, was already waiting for me at the gate. I was surprised by such a ceremonious reception.

“Good afternoon, Miss Jones. My name is Olive Carson, we spoke on the phone.” She shook my hand. Professor Carson was probably well into her fifties, but looked amazing for her age. Her olive skin was toned, and contrasted beautifully with her green eyes, and her beautiful dark brown hair was soft and silky. She took very good care of herself, it seemed.

“Nice to meet you.” I smiled. “I’m yet to understand exactly why I’m here…”

“Let’s have some tea in my office, and I’ll tell you.”

We walked into the imposing Faculty building. The wooden walls bared the pictures of the great minds the University harbored, and on a fancy plaque below, their name and feats. I was entranced looking at all these faces as I walked down the corridor, some I knew very well from my Economics books.

We sat in her elegantly decorated office, tea already waiting for us. She kindly poured me a cup, starting in a very soft, professional voice.

“So Miss Jones, it came to our attention that your doctorate thesis was published recently.”

“Yes…” I frowned, confused. “A few weeks ago.”

“One of our most esteemed professors is an acquaintance of Professor Williamson. He said the Professor was extremely impressed with your work. And we were pretty impressed too.” The Dean said, offering me a warm smile.

“Thank you.” I felt myself blush a bit. “Still I don’t understand what I’m doing here.”

“We want you to further your study. Under our wing, evidently. I’m here to offer you a position as Head Researcher at our University.” She spoke more assertively now, looking me in the eyes.

“It’s just my doctorate thesis. Yes, it got me a praise, but…”

“It’s promising, to say the least. Some would even say it’s Nobel material.” She declared. “The implications of your thesis will make many heads turn. And the fact that you already tested it and got good results only makes it more fascinating. We want to have you, and to be perfectly honest, other universities want you too. We wanted to be the ones to make the first offer, hoping the location is a factor in your decision, since you are currently living in Loveland.”

I stared at her, my mouth slightly open. Not the most professional attitude, I agree. But I became terrified when I heard those two startling words. Nobel material.

“I’m working at LFG.” I started refusing. “I have a new position, I have been promoted, I don’t see how…”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but as your work clearly shows, you will not be happy for long with a consulting position.” I was surprised. How did she know what my job was? “This is once in a lifetime opportunity, Miss Jones.”

She was absolutely right, of course. Most of my teachers had worked really hard to get noticed by universities and get a simple assisting teacher or research collaborator position, let alone what was being offered to me, Head Researcher. I would have my own team, call the shots, conduct the research as I saw fit. It was extremely pleasing to work with those companies and watch them grow, and although I still could all of that at LFG, this was MY project. MY baby.

“I have another thing to add, though. All our head researchers are required to… share their knowledge, so to speak. You will also be required to teach, even if only a few hours a week.”

I smiled. That wasn’t a disadvantage at all. I knew I would love the interaction.

“Miss Jones, I’m not expecting you to give me an answer right away. You’ll need to take many things into consideration before you give us your answer, and that is only wise. Besides, Mr. Lee is a big donor to our University, so we want you to depart in the best terms possible. Give me a call when you feel ready.” She said, handing me her card.

I drove to Victor’s home, my head reeling with the recent events. I was torn between excitement and guilt. Excitement because of the offer, something so new and enticing, a more dynamic job where I could wear jeans and sneakers to work and interact with live people, with a lot less stress, and still keep my mind fed with my investigation. I remembered how fun it was to read all those authors, to learn what was on their minds, and still have a saying on all that. It felt scary but also empowering, to have a thought of my own. Very different from the life I had left behind.

But I also felt guilty because of Victor. He helped me through it all, encouraged me and nurtured me, provided me comfort so I would be my best. I remembered right at the end, when I could barely sleep due to my constant focus to finish my thesis and get a good result, Victor would drop by with dinner, sometimes take me to bed when I fell asleep at the computer while he was there. Victor trusted my work, offered me Ted’s position, choosing me instead of more seasoned workers, and I was leaving him stranded. I felt like I was returning a handmade gift. I couldn’t do that.

I rang the bell when I got at the gate of his private condo. No need to use the keycard if he was at home. No answer. I opened it myself and got it.

I used the key to enter Victor’s apartment, placing the keys on top of Mr. Claw’s aquarium, poking the glass to greet him. I smiled, still not believing Victor had kept the lobster I rescued from the steaming pot as a pet.

“Hello, my crustacean friend. I see you were fed already.” I spoke to him, as I watched him walk a bit towards the sound of my finger on the glass.

Then I smelled something. Something delicious. And that brought my attention to the sound of something sizzling.

And yes, there was Victor, focused on the pan on the stove, already in his sweatpants and sweater, glasses on the bridge of his nose. I ran my hand down his back, and he reached his hand back to touch me.

“Why didn’t you open the gate, if you were home?” I said, coming to his side, to see what he was cooking. Veggie stir fry.

“What’s the point? You have the key.” He glanced at me. “Go get yourself comfortable, dinner will be ready in ten.”

“Ok. Don’t set the table, I’ll do it.” I said, taking my bag to his bedroom.

After changing into my leggings and a baggy sweater, I went to the kitchen to get what I needed to set the table. Victor was already serving the food in plates, a glass of wine already waiting for me.

“How was your day?” Victor asked as he sipped his wine. “What did the Dean want?”

“She offered me a job. I think I’m going to say no.” I decided at the spur of the moment, not wanting to disappoint him.

“What kind of job?” He looked at me over his glasses, not missing my nervous hand playing with the charms of my bracelet.

“As Head Researcher.” I answered like I didn’t care at all. “They read my thesis, want me to continue the study.”

“Tell me exactly what she said.” Victor asked, sitting straight on his chair. All business.

“Well, she started grooming me a bit, took me to her office, we had tea, told me my study was promising, Nobel material, the whole nine yards of adulation. You know the drill.”

“And you’re saying no.” He confirmed, looking at me confusedly.

“I don’t know. I’m happy where I am. I don’t want to leave LFG.” I said, poking a mushroom with my fork, maybe a bit harder than I should. “How was your meeting?”

“Boring, compared to yours.” He was still watching me closely. “But it ended sooner than I expected, I have reached an impasse with Cooper, we may have to drop the funding. He won’t agree with anything I suggest. Maybe I should tell him I have Nobel material working for me.” He teased.

I took the dirty plates from the table, giving him a faint smile. Victor followed me with the glasses, filling mine again while he waited for me to load the dishwasher.

“So… Nobel material.” He started, his voice soft, as he handed me my glass of wine.

“Oh, she meant nothing with that, she was trying to woo me, that’s all.”

“We both know that’s unlikely.” He looked me in the eye. “Why are you not taking that job?”

“I just started in my new position. Ted’s position, that you gave me instead of a lot of people that probably deserved it too. I can’t leave, not after all the support you gave me, and all the trust you put in me. It would be almost like cheating.” I finally confessed. Victor put his glass on the counter, pulling me into his arms.

“I remember you telling me how your ex kept you on the ground, not wanting to let you fly. He discouraged you from taking your doctorate, made you work at his family’s company just to keep you close. Do you think I’m like that?” I turned my gaze to Victor. He seemed apprehensive.

“It’s different, I’m choosing this.” I corrected him.

“Because of me. I don’t want that. Do you want to take the job?”

I said nothing.

“Silence usually means yes.” He concluded. “And if you want to know my honest opinion, you’d be an idiot if you didn’t.” I rested my head on his chest, not wanting to talk. “I’m not Daniel. Don’t turn me into him. Take the job, if that’s what you really want.”

He was absolutely right. I was putting myself in the people-pleaser position, disregarding what I felt. I had accepted every kind of crap Daniel threw at me, just to keep the relationship going, and was now putting myself in the very same position. But Victor wasn’t Daniel.

“You’re right.” I said, after a while. “I should take it. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

“Finally.” Victor gave me a soft smile. “Welcome back.”

“I’m sorry.” I said, burying my face even deeper in his chest. “You are not like him. You are nothing like him. I know that, Victor, please don’t think that I don’t.”

“On a scale from one to ten, how stupid do you feel right now?” I sighed, not wanting to answer. I felt like a ten, of course. “Contrary to your ex, I want to see you succeed. I take pride in all your achievements, and I support anything that brings a smile to that silly little face. Got it?”

I beamed at him. God, I loved that man so much.

“Got it.”

[dakarimainink]

Chapter 2

WARNING: None

I walk down the long hallway of the rebuilt estate of the Hellsing organisation. What was once a top-secret property, has now opened their doors to the public for people to get trained in combat, weapon handling and knowledge about dark creatures.

Sir Integra Hellsing know that when she passes away, there will be no one to truly lead the Hellsing organisation, except the government. This was her way of making sure the Hellsing legacy would continue – by opening a sort of school for people to become hunters. I had taken some time to learn how to become a hunter, and apparently, only a few were selected. The criteria – have a specific set of skills one could only be born with.

A set of double doors are open, and inside are people fencing. I note one of the people watching, dressed in a burgundy red uniform with a red writhing mass as her left arm – Seras Victoria. I have read about her, the second human to have been turned by Alucard. She was only 19 years old when she was turned. She had a tragic past and a hard upbringing. Now she was head vampire and the one to train the new hunters.

I watch as two people fence with grace. It’s almost a dance, but one of them is clumsier than the other. The footwork is almost to perfection and the movement like calm waves on the ocean. The fencing ends and they pull off their masks and one of them is revealed to be Integra herself. I look in awe as her long white hair flow down her slim body and her right eye shimmer in the bright ceiling light.

“Well done, Oliver, but you need to work more on your defence.” She points out as she shifts her weight to one side. “I believe you have quite the potential.” She adds before her eyes meet mine. I keep her gaze locked with mine, letting her know I am here for her. She gives me a slight nod. She turns to Seras. “Keep them training. I will be right back.” Integra makes her way over to me, assess my presence before gesturing me to follow her.

We walk in silence down the hallway until we finally enter a room to the left.

The room is open and high ceiling. The back wall has huge fixed windows, letting in the grey light from outside. In the left corner is dark red chesterfield couches, with a dark oak coffee table placed in front decorated with a bouquet of flowers. In the right corner is a small bar filled with all kinds of liquor and crystal glasses. The walls are decorated with huge framed paintings of different historical figures. In the middle of the room is a long dark wood executive desk with a lamp, a landline phone, papers neatly stacked, pens placed in order and a silver box with cigars. Behind the desk is a dark green executive chair.

Integra makes her way to the desk, places her mask on top and sit down in the chair. I walk over to the desk and wait patiently while she reaches for her cigar box. She pulls out a thin and brown cigar, places it between her thin lips, light it up with a golden lighter and inhales deeply. She breathes out the light grey smoke while taking in my form.

I feel her eyes etch into my skin, making me want to spit out words at her, but I know she is a respectable woman with high standards. It took me three years to get this interview and I am not planning on screwing this up.

The silence linger between us uncomfortably as she takes another drag from the cigar. The smoke makes me want to cough, but I supress it. She turns the chair a little, leans back and crosses her legs as she lets the cigar rest between her lips. Her eyelids are heavy, not from lack of sleep, but from the fact that she knows she can somewhat relax in this room.

“You’re from the London History Chronicle.” She says as she finally drags her eyes away from me. She looks absentmindedly at one of the paintings hanging on the wall. “You’ve been nagging me for the past three years for this interview. Why?” She adds and continues to look at the painting.

Nagging her? I mean, yes I have tried desperately to get this interview, but nagging you is a bit too far. And I have never been in direct contact with you, but rather your new housekeeper; Stella Cherrier.

I scan the side of her face. A brown patch covering her left eye from a gunshot wound that made her go blind on that eye. I can see a thin line of a scar peeking from below her patch. It must have been one hell of a shot, yet I have a feeling she didn’t even flinch. That’s the kind of woman Integra is, hard, unfaced, strong, relentless, cold and deadly. I know she could stare death in the eye and still not bat an eye.

“I have been studying and reading about what happened in London 31 years ago.” I begin to explain. “I even wrote I master thesis on the events. I want to ask y…”

“It was nothing more than just an exchange of bullets.” She cuts in, still not looking at me.

I bite my tongue. So she is one of them. “Just an exchange of bullets? I am sure the bill for rebuilding the whole of London would disagree with you, Sir Hellsing.” I lean my weight on one leg as I cross my arms. It makes her turn her head towards me. She looks at my posturing, she seems to dislike it. “I am also sure the three million people who died that night would also disagree with you.”

She narrows her eyes at me, before a smirk grows on her lips. She shifts in her seat, leans forward on her desk with her fingers intertwined. “I like you, what is your name?”

My eyes widen at her remark. She likes me? I felt rather cocky spitting those facts out, showing off my knowledge. I just spat at her and she likes me? I let my arms hang down to my sides and I straighten up. “I am Alessa.” I introduce myself.

She leans bank in her chair and take another deep drag from her cigar. “How much do you know of what happened 31 years ago?”

I scan her face. Is this a test or an actual question? Besides, I thought it was I who were going to ask the questions. “I know everything that is available in writing plus the rumours and fairy tales.” I begin to explain.

“And how do you know the distinction between what is true and not?”

“I go with my gut, my knowledge and what seems reasonable. I hardly believe there were actual angels during the battle, but rather the image of angels because of Iscariot the papal knights joined the battle on their helicopters. I also heard dragons interfered in all of this too, but I mean…” I glance at her grin as I speak. “Vampires and werewolves, that’s okay, but dragons? That’s a bit too far.”

“You would be surprised.”

I let out a gasp at her remark. My eyebrows shoot up as I stare at her questioning.

“But you are correct, no dragons exists. At least to our knowledge. Now you seem like a person who has a great deal of knowledge about what happened and more than enough information to write an article, so why are you here?” She places her cigar in the ashtray and leans forward on her elbows.

“I am here because I want to hear from someone who saw it all. Who was in the middle of it. Yes, there are some corrupted videos available, but you are the only human, as far as I am aware of, who saw and experienced everything.” I explain. She raises an eyebrow at me and I once again cross my arms in front of me. “And who is still alive.” I add.

She smirks at me. “Well then, Alessa. Please go ahead with your interview.”

I pull my backpack off, pull out my notes and my phone to record the interview. “I hope you don’t mind.” I show her my phone and she shakes her head. I start the recorder on my phone, places it on the desk and look at my notes.

I clear my throat. “When the vampire attacks leading up to the reveal of the Millennium, did you ever think it would be linked to something greater than just some random vampire attacks?”

“I had my suspicions, but vampire attacks are not that uncommon, we are just good at hiding it and cleaning up before anyone else sticks their noses in it. We know that humans are not strong enough or equipped with knowledge about vampires that they can fend for themselves, which is why we stepped up from the start. Wasting human lives and sacrificing them as ghouls is a fait I wouldn’t send upon anyone.” Her eyes fall to my phone and there is a twitch at the corner of her right eye. “The police has no knowledge or equipment to fight off vampires or ghouls for that matter. Which is why it is crucial Hellsing is the first to know about these kinds of attacks.”

“It this why you have opened up to the public to train new people?”

She looks up at me. “Yes. I have realised that family run businesses is a thing of the past. When I pass away, the government will take over. I know Seras will do a fine job leading everyone, but I don’t know what will happen to Alucard, as there are no heir to the Hellsing family.”

“What do you think will happen to him?” I am intrigued to know what she thinks. Her head must be filled with the most wonderful things imaginable, both dark and light.

“Who knows. Alucard is the most powerful being to ever exist and without a master, he might go rogue, find a new purpose, find a master within the government or clench his thirst for whatever is going on inside his mind.” She sighs out. “All I know is that the government will take over the Hellsing organisation and it is my duty to make sure the standard of our hunters are the best.”

I nod in agreement. I wonder how England would be without the Hellsing to protect us. Who knows how many creatures they’ve kept at bay by just existing.

“I read that you gave the command to Alucard to release all his powers, did you know what it entailed? From what I read about it; every soul he has ever consumed was released from his coffin and fought alongside him. It was described as a sea of dead souls.”

Integra lets out a chuckle and it somewhat takes me by surprise. “I knew what it entailed, but I had never seen it before. It was quite the sight. To see his raw power unleashed upon this world was almost frightening.”

I raise my eyebrows. Integra, scared? Sounds impossible based on everything I had read about her. She was calculated, strong and fearless. If she was somewhat frightened, who knows what everyone else felt.

“I remember as soon as my command slipped my lips, everyone, from all sides, attacked him. The Nazis and the Iscariot. They could feel the annihilation was about to wash over all of them. Their lives snuffed in a flash.”

“What did it make you feel to know you commanded such powers?”

She leans back in her chair and locks gaze with me. I notice she is chewing her inner cheek. “Responsible.” Is the only word slipping out of her.

My jaw lowers slightly as I am stunned not to hear the word powerful come out of her.

“I feel responsible for every innocent life lost during that night. This war begun because Alucard exists. I believe that if it happens once, it can happen again.” Her eye lower and I sense a hint of sadness. “And I don’t know which state Alucard is in now, considering what happened 31 years ago.”

“What?” I gasp and take a step closer to the desk. I can see she realise the last sentence was not meant for my ears. “What do you mean by state? What happened?” I ask desperately.

The stands up. “This interview is over.” She declares and press a button on her landline phone.

Within a second, a woman dressed in a black dress with a white apron – the housekeeper – enters the room. “Stella, please escort Miss Alessa out of the estate.” Integra commands with a calm voice.

I sigh, letting her know I dislike her decision to just throw me out. I reach for my phone, end the recording and put everything back in my bag. “Safe travels home, Alessa.” I reluctantly follow Stella out of the massive building.

[nicolewrites]

We Stand, Fate-Tested - II

Sticking with the longer chapters. I finished this part up instead of an essay due in 5 hours, so it’s a gift you should run with. I have the outline for the story roughly in place, but no promises about when the next update will be. 

Rating: T+ Genre: Mystery, Friendship, Romance Characters: [Byleth/My Unit, Dimitri B.], [Byleth/My Unit, Claude R.] Words: 5,826

Byleth leads the first tutorial of the year. / The Blue Lions return home for the second time since the war's end.

AO3 | FFN

II - In Circles We Tread

Garreg Mach University - 14 Horsebow Moon, 732 AU

Byleth arrived at the classroom where her tutorial section was meeting ten minutes early. She was hoping that whatever class had the room before her would be done early so that she could set up her laptop and her review slides for the session. Fortunately, there didn’t appear to have been a class in the room so she was able to enter as soon as she arrived.

Byleth was in the midst of setting up her laptop with the tangled, university-supplied cables when her first student arrived. It was the same girl with straight, dark hair that had been the first student to arrive in the lecture the week before. She approached the front desk and smiled at Byleth.

Byleth paused in her set up. “Hi,” she greeted.

“Hello, Miss Eisner,” the girl replied. “My name is Lysithea.”

Byleth nodded. “It’s nice to meet you, Lysithea. You’re a bit early, but please, have a seat wherever you’d like.”

The girl nodded and sat right in the front row. She pulled out a laptop and began tapping away at the keyboard. Byleth went back to setting up her presentation as more students trickled in. She recognized the boy with green hair, half of the group of students that had sat near her in lecture, as well as Claude and Dimitri. Claude took a seat in the back, flanked by a girl with bright pink hair and a boy with purple hair and expensively styled clothes while Dimitri sat with the friends he had sat with in lecture.

Byleth finished setting up her slides and glanced at the clock. It was one minute before 1:30, when the tutorial was supposed to begin so she stood up, assessing her class. Her tutorial section had half the class and Seteth ran the tutorial with the other half. As it was the first tutorial of the section, attendance was at almost, or entirely, full capacity, something which likely wouldn’t continue throughout the whole semester.

“Hi everyone,” she greeted when the clock finally ticked over to 1:30. The chatter in the room mostly died out and all the curious faces turned to face her. A bead of nervousness pricked in her chest, but she smiled and forced it down. “As I’m sure you guys know, I’m Byleth Eisner and I’ll be your TA for this class. I’m leading this tutorial section, Tutorial 2, and Dr. Cichol leads Tutorial 1.”

She leaned down and moved to the first slide in her slideshow which was a trio of pictures. The first was Byleth and Seteth working in a lab doing hands-on analysis of artifacts. The second was a shot of Byleth posing with her undergrad thesis team at Shambhala where they had done an expedition. The last photo was Byleth in the Main Hall of the university as she presented her undergraduate thesis.

“I’m in my first year of my Masters here at Garreg Mach University with a specialization in Unification Era Archaeology focused on the Guardian of Order. I did my undergraduate degree here and graduated with a combined honours in Archaeology and History. Dr. Cichol is currently my Masters supervisor which is why I’m here as your TA.”

There were a few murmurs across the class as people assessed her qualifications. Byleth ignored them and moved to her next slide which held a photo of the ancient sword that was rumoured to have been wielded by the Guardian of Order. They had discussed it in lecture since it was one of very few relics from the Unification Era that hadn’t been lost to looters or fire. However, since it was still early in the semester, they’d looked at the blade objectively, not as a relic wielded by the Guardian.

“Archaeology is the study of material remains of humans and societies. In our first class we talked about the first step of working with artifacts: description, classification, and analysis. The next step is the placement of an artifact within its historical context. If we take this image here, can someone give me a description for it?” She gestured to the screen and the image of the sword. “And, for the first few classes if you can just say your name beforehand so I can get to know everyone, that would be much appreciated.”

The blonde girl sitting with Dimitri raised her hand and Byleth nodded. “I’m Ingrid,” the girl introduced, brushing her braid back over her shoulder. “The first step would be to identify the weapon as an ancient blade, likely a longsword. It appears to be made of some kind of bone or clay material due to its lack of metallic qualities.”

Byleth nodded. “Excellent, thank you, Ingrid. Now, can someone give me a guess about the historical context of the blade based off of that?”

Lysithea, the girl who had been early for class, raised her hand. “Given the design of the blade and its recovery location, this is likely a blade that had been used in the Unification War. Due to appearance, it is likely that the blade was used by a highly ranked soldier, officer, or commander. It fell to disuse probably after the fire in 101 and 102 AU.”

Byleth nodded and was about to commend Lysithea when Claude raised his hand. She raised an eyebrow and gestured for him to speak.

Claude was leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head as he made steady eye contact with Byleth. “Maybe I just know this as a History major, but that blade fell to disuse before the Great Fire of Garreg Mach. It would have been around 9 AU that it was no longer wielded. It’s structure greatly resembles the other legendary weapons of the time known as ‘Relics’.”

Byleth appraised Claude. He was correct, of course, but it had taken her a lot of research to actually find the year when the Guardian was reported to have disappeared, leaving her legendary blade to the Royal Collection. “That is correct, Claude,” she agreed. “This sword,” she paused to continue the presentation on her laptop which let the label pop up on the screen, “is known to us as the Guardian’s Blade, the weapon that was wielded by the Guardian of Order in the Unification War.”

There were a few more jumbled murmurs around the room as students processed what she was saying.

“Pardon me, Miss Eisner,” the green-haired boy said, raising a hand, “if you’re saying this weapon is one of the Relics, why was it recovered separately from the rest of the ancient weapons?”

“That’s an excellent question,” she trailed off, gesturing for the student to give his name.

“Linhardt.”

“Linhardt,” Byleth repeated. “In the year 7 AU, after the death of the Saviour King, the Guardian of Order called for the collection of the Relics to be displayed as artifacts and historical trophies instead of used as weapons. It has never been confirmed, but historians have theorized that since the Guardian of Order disappeared just under a year after her husband’s passing, she took her blade with her when she vanished. The discovery of the sword here at Garreg Mach is one of the biggest mysteries regarding her disappearance.”

At the back of the classroom, Claude’s friends were whispering, but Claude’s green eyes were fixed sharply on Byleth as she explained. Byleth tried to ignore him as she continued to field questions as well as offer her own discussion questions. The rest of the 50-minute section passed relatively quickly, but right until the end, Byleth could have sworn that Claude didn’t take his eyes off of her.

At 2:20, Byleth concluded the discussion and dismissed class, saying she would see everyone back the next week. Conversations broke out and people started packing up. She unplugged her laptop from the projector and started putting away her own things. She slid her laptop into her bag and looked up when someone cleared their throat in front of the podium. Byleth found Claude smirking at her, his hands wrapped around the straps of his backpack.

“Good discussion,” he complimented.

“Thank you,” Byleth replied. She still felt on edge around Claude. There was something about him that was so infuriatingly familiar and she just couldn’t figure out what it was because it certainly wasn’t just because he was the son of an ambassador.

“Combined honours with History, hm?” he continued. “Sounds familiar.”

Byleth rolled her eyes but smiled faintly. “Yes, it appears we have similar interests.” She contemplated something for a moment before she pushed forward with it: “Have you taken a lot of courses in Unification Era history?”

Claude shrugged. “I took 234 and I’m currently in 316.”

Byleth had taken both of those courses herself. History 234 was the Unification War History course and History 316 was History of the Unification Years. Neither was particularly heavy in information about the Guardian of Order and the Guardian’s Blade, topics Claude had already proved himself knowledgeable in.

“Is knowing everything just a hobby then?” she asked.

Claude laughed this time. “If I knew everything I don’t think I’d be in your class, Teach.”

The nickname caught her off guard and she blinked dumbly at him for a moment. Claude seemed to recognize his blunder and he winced.

“Ah, sorry if that was weird, it just felt right.”

Byleth bit her lip and shook her head. “It’s fine, really,” she assured. In all honesty, the nickname had felt fitting and familiar. It was weird.

“Anyways, I don’t suppose there’s any way we could sit down and talk about your thesis, is there? I’m incredibly curious about the research that you’ve been doing,” Claude continued after a short cough.

Byleth raised an eyebrow. “I have office hours and my email is on the course outline,” she replied flatly.

Claude laughed. “Yes, but your office hours will be filled with students with academic, course-related questions. Email, also, doesn’t have the same personal touch as a face-to-face conversation.”

Byleth sighed. “Look, Claude, I’m your TA, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

He held up his hands innocently. “I’ve just got questions about your Masters, surely that’s an innocent enough intention? What about Thursday afternoon at the coffee shop in the student centre?”

Byleth considered it for a moment. There was nothing in her contract that said she couldn’t get coffee with someone who was interested in her academic projects and if she managed to convince Claude to pursue a graduate degree in her field after graduation, she knew Seteth wouldn’t care about the nature of their conversation.

She sized up Claude and folded her arms. “I’ll meet you at Anna’s at 4 on Thursday,” she consented.

Claude’s smirk widened and he nodded. “I look forward to it, Teach.”

With one last cheeky wink, Claude strode away and headed for the door where his two friends had lingered, waiting for him. Byleth watched him for a moment before she resumed packing up her things. She slid her attendance sheet into her folder and placed it in her bag.

“Miss Eisner,” a new voice interrupted.

Byleth shook her head and looked up. “Byleth, please.”

Dimitri, standing in front of her desk, gave her a small smile. “Byleth,” he agreed. “I hope Claude wasn’t bothering you. He’s a strong personality.”

Byleth laughed lightly and smiled. “No, no, he was just asking about my area of study. I’m happy to talk about it. I wouldn’t be studying it if I wasn’t.”

Dimitri looked relieved. “That’s good to hear. You’re certainly interesting to listen to in tutorial. You know your stuff.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Admittedly, I’m feeling a bit out of my depth in this class.”

Byleth nodded. “That’s understandable, but really, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You’ve got some smart classmates, if today was any indication, and both Dr. Cichol and I have office hours reserved for this class section so feel free to come to either of us if you need anything.”

Dimitri nodded. “Yes, thank you very much.” Someone called his name from by the door and he turned to walk away, pausing once to give her a last goodbye.

Byleth pulled her bag up onto her shoulder and bit her lip. Dimitri and Claude and Edelgard were so familiar that it hurt her to think about them. Even so, she had a job to do and a meeting with Seteth to get to. She strode out of the classroom, fishing her tangled headphones out of her pocket.

- ~ -

Seteth placed a new folder on the desk between them, gesturing for her to take a look. Byleth slid it towards herself and opened it. It was a stack of about five pieces of paper and the first was an email between Seteth and the Fhirdiad National Museum of Unification that was set to sponsor the expedition below Garreg Mach.

Byleth scanned the email and grinned when she found the phrase she was looking for. “On behalf of the Board of Directors here at the museum, we consent to allow Miss Byleth Eisner a position on the Garreg Mach Research Team to assist with her academic development,” she read aloud.

Seteth was smiling. “Keep reading.”

“In the interest of the success of the dig, funding has also been secured for an additional team of researchers to join you on this endeavour. The idea is to have undergraduate students join you to develop practical archaeological skills.” Byleth stopped reading abruptly and looked up at Seteth. “Let me get this straight: you not only got approval for me to join, but now they want us to take on a group of undergrads?”

Seteth nodded, knitting his fingers together atop his desk. “I think this will be an interesting opportunity for them.” He reached for the file, pushing Byleth’s hands away and pulling the documentation back towards him. “The expedition is set to begin next year, in the Guardian Moon of the new semester. I was thinking that we would extend this opportunity to the students currently in Archaeology 356. That way we have a semester to evaluate the students so we can choose ones we think will be beneficial, not hindering, to the studies.”

Byleth nodded slowly. “Yeah, that makes sense. Still, this kind of opportunity for undergraduates means everyone will want in. I know I would have when I was in my third year.”

“I’m going to put an announcement up on my website about the opportunity and discuss it next class. I was hoping you would be able to design some kind of application form so that we can immediately narrow down our options.”

Byleth slid her laptop out of her bag and opened a blank document. “What kind of questions were you thinking for the application?”

Seteth pondered for a moment before he answered: “Ask about any experience they have, and how many prior archaeology or history credits they have. I would also like to know about their own interpretation of the Unification Era, since that’s what this is all about.”

“If I asked what they think is a major, lasting influence of the Unification Era on current Fódlani politics?”

Seteth smiled. “I like that.”

“How many students can we take?”

Seteth flipped through papers briefly to find the definite answer. “We can take ten, but that’s too many. I think eight is an appropriate number.”

Byleth noted that down and she tapped out a few more rough questions. “I assume we’ll do a vetting process with the written applications and then call the best candidates for interviews with the rest of our dig team, right?”

“Yes,” Seteth agreed. “It’s important that they meet and can get along with the rest of the team because they are an addition to the team that is meant to help their skills, not hinder the results of our expedition. Too many people have put too much effort into this for it to fail now.”

Byleth knew why Seteth was nervous because the last time someone had led a dig under the university, it had fallen apart just a few weeks after it began. Byleth paused and exhaled slowly. “Seteth, this might be overstepping, but I want to ask about my father.” Seteth tensed and Byleth swallowed her nervousness before continuing. “I know he was a part of the last research expedition to the underside of Garreg Mach five years ago. I know he pulled out of the project part-way through and that the project fell through after he withdrew. What are we going to find down there that caused my father to pull out so suddenly?”

Seteth stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Byleth, are you asking me if I know why your father was killed?”

“No,” she said firmly. “He was stabbed five years ago. That’s unrelated to his work. I’m asking you why the excavation couldn’t continue without my father.”

“I honestly don’t know,” Seteth admitted. “I wasn’t a member of that excavation team. It was led by a woman named Catherine Charon. Catherine cancelled further progress once your father withdrew his support. The excavation was privately funded by a private collector from Zanado and apparently the money stopped once your father left the project.”

Byleth frowned. “My father was a security contractor, not an archaeologist. His withdrawal from the project should have just meant that they brought on someone else, not that they cancelled the dig entirely.”

“I agree. It was something that I could never get Catherine to explain and she left the University that year before I could get a real answer out of her. Your father never liked to talk about it either, as I’m sure you know, and then he died just five months later.”

Byleth sighed. “I’ve been through the site notes and the inventory of every artifact recorded as recovered. There are no mentions of what caused him to pull out or anything that might lend to the private donor withdrawing their support or Dr. Charon calling off the project.”

Seteth studied her for a moment. “Does your interest in being part of this dig only have to do with your father?”

“No,” Byleth assured. “I’m interested in what we might be able to recover and how it can support my thesis, but I won’t say I’m not curious.”

She closed her laptop and stood up from the desk. She pulled her bag up and prepared to head out of Seteth’s office. “My father was a different man after that expedition than when he went into it. I do want to know why, and I don’t want that to happen to anyone else, either, if I can help it.”

- ~ - ~ - ~ -

Garreg Mach Monastery - 21 Red Wolf Moon, Unification Year

A knock at the door drew Byleth’s attention and she turned in her seat to look at the entrance to her room. It was one of the monastery’s monks who stood patiently in the doorway, waiting for permission to enter. Byleth waved her in and the monk bowed briefly before stepping in.

“Your Grace, I have received word from an advanced scout that His Majesty and the court will be arriving in the next few hours.”

Byleth smiled faintly. “Thank you, but please, I’m not the Archbishop yet, so Professor or Byleth is more than fine.”

The monk shook her head, but she was smiling as well. “With all due respect, you are ascending in rank tomorrow, Your Grace. You’ve been acting head of the church for several months as well.” She bowed briefly once more before leaving the room, leaving Byleth alone again.

Byleth sighed and stood from her desk, heading towards her balcony. She pushed open the doors and stepped outside. The stone was cold against her bare feet and the air was chilly enough that she instantly shivered. Byleth looked up at the clear blue sky and twisted the ring on her finger thoughtfully.

After the war had ended, Dimitri had stayed for a month of negotiations with the church and for his coronation before his council of advisors had finally managed to get him to return to Fhirdiad. Byleth missed him dearly–him and Felix and Sylvain and Ingrid and Dedue who had returned with him. Annette and Ashe had stayed at the monastery for another couple of weeks before they too left for the capital, leaving Byleth with only Mercedes, Flayn, Seteth, and the Knights of Seiros.

She and Dimitri had announced their engagement officially on the day of his coronation, but all of their close friends had known much before that point. It had been just over a month now, since all the former Blue Lions had been in one place and even though part of Byleth was dreading her formal ascension to the head of the church, she was grateful for the opportunity it offered to gather her friends and allies in one place.

Of course, there was also the wedding that would follow Byleth’s ascension. She and Dimitri had argued about the wedding for nearly two weeks since while they both wanted a smaller affair, Dimitri had been the only one willing to go through with a small event. Byleth knew that a private wedding would invite more scrutiny than the marriage of the church and the state already would. She also knew it would be important for Dimitri to use the wedding as a political event to continue to smooth relations with former Empire territories. Eventually, her argument had won out and they’d been thrown into planning the wedding of the century.

Byleth didn’t linger too long on the balcony. The chill was going to get to her and she really couldn’t afford to get sick with a few very important days ahead of her. She slipped back inside her chambers and moved to pull on a pair of slip-on shoes to chase away lingering chills. The ornate furniture and decorations in the room felt wrong to her. Three weeks after the war, Rhea had departed and Byleth had moved into the former archbishop’s chambers.

Byleth ran her hand along the top of the dresser near the balcony and frowned. Being in Rhea’s old room felt weird enough on its own, but the fact that Byleth had not gotten a moment alone with Rhea to ask about what Seteth had told her before the former archbishop had departed made her feel even more uncomfortable.

Seteth’s words, and their implications, weighed on her daily. She had not managed to get another candid conversation with her advisor since that day two months ago. Flayn too, seemed to be avoiding Byleth or only approaching her when there were other people around. Byleth pulled her hand off the dresser and touched it to the left side of her chest. As always, there was no heartbeat beneath her palm and she exhaled wearily.

Another sharp knock on the door caused Byleth to jolt upright and snap her hand back to her side. This intruder was a much more welcome sight than the monk who had interrupted her earlier.

“Mercedes!” Byleth exclaimed as her friend stepped into the room.

“Hello Professor!” Mercedes replied cheerfully. “You look lovely,” she complimented.

Byleth blinked and took in her own outfit. She was wearing one of the ceremonial dresses that had been commissioned for her, but it was nowhere near as high end as the dress she would be wearing for her ascension tomorrow. She smoothed her hands over the cream-coloured fabric and smiled softly.

“Thank you. What are you doing up here? I thought you were going to wait in the entrance hall for the others.”

Mercedes laughed. “Well, Professor, we sent someone up to let you know they were almost here, but you never reappeared, so I decided to come fetch you myself.”

“They’re almost here?” Byleth repeated. When the monk had mentioned that they would be arriving in a few hours, she had not been expecting their arrival in the next half hour.

Mercedes’s eyes were shining. “Their party had just been spotted entering the monastery grounds when I came up.”

- ~ -

Standing outside the main entrance of the monastery, Byleth felt like her blood was singing. The first few riders of the party had just crossed into the marketplace of the monastery and already two of the riders were breaking in her direction. Above them, a pegasus whinnied and descended.

Sylvain and Felix, the first two riders, dismounted and covered the remaining distance on foot. Ingrid barely managed to get herself off of her pegasus before she was also breaking towards Byleth and Mercedes. Felix reached her first and he paused, forcing himself into a stiff bow. Byleth rolled her eyes and pulled him into a hug. He didn’t reciprocate immediately, but he did pat her back after a moment.

As soon as she released Felix, Sylvain pulled her into a tight hug. Sylvain was wearing more armour than Felix so the hug felt stiffer, but he was warm and solid against her and Byleth drank in his familiarity. She pulled away from Sylvain and turned to hug Ingrid as well. After she had hugged the last of the trio, Byleth stepped back and smiled broadly.

“Welcome back,” she greeted.

Sylvain laughed. “Come on, Professor, we know we’re not the ones you really want to see.” He gestured behind him where the rest of the party was arriving including Ashe, Annette, Gustave, and Dedue.

Byleth’s breath caught as she recognized the rider at the front of the pack. He seemed to have noticed her as well, practically leaping off of his mount and jogging towards her. Byleth brushed past her former students to move towards him, nearly tripping on her dress as she descended the steps. He was in front of her before she could trip, his hands gripping her forearms as he stared at her face. A dazzling smile cracked across Dimitri’s expression and Byleth felt herself smile too.

“Hello, my beloved,” Dimitri greeted gently.

“I missed you,” Byleth said. She had intended for a more eloquent greeting, but her heart had won out and she had spoken the naked truth instead.

The life glimmering in Dimitri’s good eye softened and he bent his head, pressing his forehead to hers. “I missed you too, Byleth,” he murmured.

Byleth didn’t get to reply before he was kissing her. Her hands framed his face as she kissed him back fiercely, pouring a month’s worth of emotion into their reunion kiss. It wasn’t the most proper or befitting of greetings for two authority figures, but it was the genuine, real reaction of two young people in love who had nearly lost each other in a brutal 5-year war. Finally–and unfortunately–Byleth had to pull away, breathing hard.

She laughed when Dimitri didn’t let her pull far away and she felt her adoration for him cause tears to prickle at the corners of her eyes. She ran her thumb across his cheekbone and smiled warmly.

“I don’t know if that was the most proper greeting,” she teased.

Dimitri’s laugh rumbled in his chest. “A man can be excused for missing his fiancé,” Dimitri refuted and Byleth laughed again.

“Welcome back, my love,” she said quietly. “It’s good to see you.”

“And I am always glad to see you,” he replied. He looked past her towards the monastery where many of the clergy were gathered to watch his arrival. “I really have made a scene, haven’t I?”

Byleth slipped her hand into his and tugged him back towards the monastery. “Come on, I want to hear about Fhirdiad. I want to hear from all of you. Surely we can spare an afternoon in the Blue Lion’s classroom to reconnect?”

Dimitri followed her lead as they walked towards the monastery. “You’ll get no complaints from me on that, but won’t Seteth protest?”

Byleth huffed. “I am not Archbishop until tomorrow, but I do hope that he’ll allow me this time with my friends before I saddle myself with responsibility for the rest of my life.”

“I suppose I could busy myself with keeping our guests from Fhirdiad occupied,” Seteth admitted, catching the end of Byleth’s sentence as she and Dimitri rejoined the group gathered at the monastery’s entrance. “Your Majesty, it is nice to see you, as always,” her advisor added for pleasantness’s sake.

Byleth beamed and pulled Dimitri past Seteth heading into the monastery. Their friends, including the rest of the Blue Lions plus Flayn, followed them as Byleth led the way. Byleth watched her friends as they walked, noting who was talking to who and the expressions on faces.

Dedue was listening intently to Mercedes as she spoke softly, Ashe was chatting with Flayn, Annette seemed to be having some kind of minimal conversation with Felix, and Ingrid and Sylvain were conversing in light and teasing tones. Byleth smiled to herself as she watched them and tightened her grip on Dimitri’s hand unintentionally.

“You look satisfied, love, is there something you’d like to share?” Dimitri asked curiously.

Byleth laughed lightly. “I don’t want to scare this away,” she admitted, gently tilting her head in Felix and Annette’s direction. Felix’s ears were pink at the tips and Annette’s cheeks had a rosy glow.

“Ah,” Dimitri replied, his own lips twitching into a smile. “Well I could let it go, but I know Duke Fraldarius has been spending much more time in conversation with Baron Dominic.”

Byleth squeezed his hand. “I wonder why that could be,” she replied teasingly. “Perhaps the same reason why Ashe has been my best communicator with Brigid recently.”

“Or why the son of the esteemed Margrave Gautier has taken to spending his time split between his own lands and the lands of Count Galatea,” Dimitri replied, glancing over at his other childhood friends.

Byleth shook her head fondly. “I don’t think our wedding will be the only one in the future, my love.”

“No, I would be inclined to agree with you on that,” Dimitri hummed.

Finally, their little group reached the room that used to be the Blue Lion’s classroom. All of them stopped just outside the room as if none of them could make themselves set foot inside the room. After a moment of nothing, Byleth dropped Dimitri’s hand and stepped forward across the threshold.

The monastery’s reconstruction effort had obviously begun to move into areas like the classroom since all the furniture was righted and placed mostly back where it had been before the war. The bookshelves were emptier than they used to be, thanks to thieves, and Byleth’s blackboard that had been used for lectures was leaning in two large, broken pieces against the rear wall.

Byleth moved towards it like a magnet and ran her fingers across the still chalk-dusted surface with a wistful smile on her face.

“This place feels like it was frozen in time,” Sylvain said idly as he stepped in and moved towards the windows on the front wall.

Felix snorted. “I’m not sure that’s how I’d describe it.”

“You know, I don’t think I’ve been here since the war ended,” Ashe admitted.

Annette nodded. “Me either. I used to come here to work on things when everywhere else was crowded.”

“We’ve shared a lot of memories in this place,” Ingrid agreed. She walked curiously over to one of the bookshelves and pressed her fingers in the empty spaces between books.

“Will you get the Officer’s Academy up and running again, Professor?” Dedue asked after a moment.

Byleth blinked and she realized that she honestly hadn’t even considered it until that point. She had been focusing so much of her effort on unification campaigns and the physical and spiritual repairs to the church that she had almost forgotten it was once a school as well.

“I think we should try,” Dimitri answered for her. He stepped up next to Byleth and wrapped a warm arm around her waist. “So much good came out of this place.”

“I think it would be easy enough to convince my brother to divert some efforts into getting this place all fixed up,” Flayn said brightly. “As much as he tries to pretend, I know he has a soft spot for the Academy and for the Blue Lions House especially since you all did take me on as a student partway through the year.”

“We’d all have to get together more often in that case,” Mercedes said cheerfully. “An annual gathering to celebrate the new classes,” she suggested.

Sylvain chuckled, throwing an arm over Felix’s shoulder as he headed for the centre of the room. “I like that idea, Mercedes. It reminds us all of that fateful day we all took a chance to return here and we met up with our Professor and our Prince again.”

Dimitri tensed at her side, but Sylvain’s words held no malice and he relaxed after a moment. Slowly, the rest of the Blue Lions congregated at the front of the classroom. Annette and Mercedes had linked their arms while Sylvain had thrown his other arm over Ingrid’s shoulders as well. Ashe moved to stand between Ingrid and Annette, Dedue stood between Mercedes and Dimitri, and Flayn slipped in between Byleth and Felix.

In their odd, sort-of circle, Byleth felt a lump well up in her throat. She loved these people more than she knew she was capable of. The moment felt like it needed a toast of some sort to cement it, so Byleth swiped Dimitri’s flask from its position on his belt. Her fiancé made a noise of surprise, but Byleth just ignored him and raised the flask.

“To the best students I could have asked for and the best group of friends I could have ever needed.”

Smiles rippled around the room and Byleth took a swig from the flask, letting the hard liquor Dimitri was carrying burn down her throat as she swallowed. She handed the flask off to him and he took a sip before passing it off to Dedue. The flask made its way around the ring and everyone drank to differing successes (Ashe, Annette, and Flayn pulling strange faces while the rest managed to stomach it with little reaction and Sylvain even took two sips).

“Thank you, my friends,” Byleth continued as she received the flask back from Flayn. “I am so grateful you were all able to come to support me in this endeavour. Your support means so much.”

“Of course, Professor,” Ingrid replied gently. “You believed in us when no one else did so it was only fair that we did the same.”

“Besides,” Dimitri continued, “my rule is nothing without the support of the Church of Seiros.”

Byleth rolled her eyes and elbowed him, but he just tightened his grip on her waist and leaned down to kiss her temple. She smiled.