#I typically would not count manga like this
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Tokyo Ghoul Vol 1, Sui Ishida
#books i read in 2024#sui ishida#ishida sui#tokyo ghoul#Tokyo ghoul volume 1#I typically would not count manga like this#like I didn’t count each volume of promised neverland when I read that#but one of my reading challenges was manga
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Cherubim.
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Gojo Satoru x F Reader x Geto Suguru.
Warnings: Implied trauma, Gojo and Geto are both weird + manipulative. Word count: 6k.
-Index-
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March 18th, 2006.
2:26 p.m.
-
Gojo Satoru has found himself embroiled in his greatest turmoil yet.
Assassination attempts? That’s nothing, he’s waved those off since he was a kid. Jujutsu politics? The higher-ups can yap until they’re blue in the face; they’re all bark, no bite. Curses? Similarly inconsequential. No matter how much power they hold, they're reduced to speckled splatters the instant they cross his path.
For most, experiencing one of these dilemmas would prove too overwhelming, much less all three. He isn’t like most, though. He’s strong. Incomprehensibly strong. He can weather any storm, shift the tides of any battle in his favor. Has this gone to his head? Absolutely. He can handle ‘too much.’ It’s ‘not enough’ that’s proving to be an issue.
This is why he’s detailing his recent woes to an uninterested Ieri Shoko, who made the mistake of reading in the dormitory’s common area.
The scene is as follows:
Satoru’s along the length of the couch, his long, lanky limbs dangling wherever they can. He lays his head against the armrest, snowy hair succumbing to gravity in an avalanche that frames his face. He uses his ability to keep his sunglasses from meeting the same fate. Behind the dark frames, his eyes narrow into a piercing stare. If the ceiling were sentient, it would’ve fled by now. Such is the potency of his miserable mood.
Parallel to him sits Shoko, the fat of her cheek squished upward from resting on her fist for so long. Books, candy wrappers, and notes from last year’s curriculum yet to be thrown away litter the table’s surface. Suguru’s could put a calligraphist to shame, even if they were written in a Badtz-Maru pencil you won from a gachapon. Your notes stand out as well. They’re bright shades of your favorite colors, organized according to a system of your own devising. Occasionally, the handwriting shifts, taking on Suguru or Shoko’s likeness for trickier kanji. You doodle hearts of gratitude around the yomigana they include for good measure.
(You complained that his handwriting was ‘indecipherable’ when he tried doing the same. Out of spite, he gave you the cold shoulder… for three minutes. He withers and wilts without your attention).
He sighs and concludes his monologue.
“So, that just about sums everything up. Well? What’s the prognosis, Doc?”
“You’re in desperate need of more friends,” Shoko replies. Satoru lets out an unsatisfied grunt. “And you miss [First].”
Satoru perks up at your mention, finally giving that poor ceiling a much-needed reprieve. He shuffles around until he’s facing Shoko.
“But she just headed out yesterday.”
“I know.”
“That’d make me really weird and clingy, right?”
“Glad you’re catching on.”
While Satoru contemplates the previously unconsidered possibility of him being ‘really weird and clingy,’ Shoko reopens her manga. She’s of the mistaken belief that the issue has resolved itself. Unfortunately for her, the problem extends beyond Satoru’s insatiable hunger for you. The problem is Satoru himself. Until he’s running amuck elsewhere, there’ll be no solace.
She commends herself for her patience.
In typical Satoru fashion, he continues testing it.
“When was the last time you updated your passport?”
“I’m not flying to her home country with you,” Shoko shuts down what he thought was a brilliant plan. “It’s just two weeks. Wait it out.”
“What if we fly first class?”
���Gojo.”
“Yeah, yeah, it’s still too soon to meet her parents. It’s gotta happen eventually though, right?”
Shoko doesn’t dignify this with a response.
Satoru sinks into the cushions. Could there be anything worse than boredom? He has no missions lined up, you and Suguru are visiting family, and the first-years haven’t arrived yet. Pestering Utahime has lost its charm too. He could return home before the school year starts, but he’d rather have his fingers chopped off one by one than suffer that torture.
“Hey, Shoko.”
“Mm.”
“Why aren’t you back home? I thought you got along with your parents.”
“They’re both busy. I wouldn’t see them much.”
Satoru doesn’t press the matter.
It does intrigue him though — the relationship sorcerers have with their non-sorcerer families. Or, to be more specific, yours and Suguru’s familial dynamics intrigue him. Satoru can’t (and doesn’t bother trying) to care for the going-ons of anyone outside his small circle. This is more the hubris of a teenager who has been told he’s special his entire life than anything malicious. To Satoru, the world’s population might as well be stuck at three.
Regardless, it’s an improvement.
Before meeting Suguru, those in his life consisted almost exclusively of suckups or stuckups. If he was unlucky, it’d be both, rolled into one terrible package. This was his reality. Jujutsu was his reality. He was the first to possess the Limitless and the Six Eyes in generations. The Gojo clan wouldn’t waste such an extraordinary opportunity. He was their pride and joy, personality aside.
He was born to be the strongest.
He can’t imagine any other life for himself.
Then there’s you.
He could see you leading a normal life. You wouldn’t be top of the class or a varsity athlete, but you’d be well-liked. Boys would nervously ask you out on dates and buy you roses with money they got from mowing lawns. You’d be the first one your friends would call when they experienced heartache. Maybe you’d go to college or land an entry-level job. Some co-worker with a decent sense of humor would win you over. Then you’d get married, rent a property, have a few kids…
Satoru’s stomach twists. He grimaces, shifting his thoughts elsewhere. Namely, the question that’s bothered him for a while.
Why did you become a jujutsu sorcerer?
It was intentional. You chose to leave behind your home, your family. You knew the risks. How the body can break and ache in ways previously unrecorded. And what do you get in return for this thankless crusade? Sleepless nights where you tremble like a leaf beside Shoko? A nimbleness at dressing wounds that could only have come from years of practice?
You’re open about everything until you aren’t. Fear, mortality, loss — when confronted by these unsightly truths, you retreat to someplace he can’t follow.
Satoru can’t make sense of it. Neither can Suguru. Shoko says they shouldn’t press the matter. He wants to, though. He needs to know how you break. How else can he ensure that you never will?
He thinks back to that humid August day. The binding vow eviscerated your insides, shards from fractured bones dug into your organs. Until that point in his life, Satoru prided himself on his immunity to fear. The pathogen never lasted long in his system. After all, fear is born from a lack of control. From having something to lose. If he couldn’t lose, what was there to be afraid of?
It’s a question he’s been avoiding.
(“If she dies,” he told Suguru, in a voice he barely recognized as his own, “They die too.”)
His mouth feels dry, his tongue heavy. He’ll drink that tea you’re fond of later to satiate his thirst. He wonders if you share its taste.
“What’re you reading, anyway?” he asks, hoping to take his mind elsewhere.
“Fruits Basket.”
He laughs, incredulous.
“Seriously? Didn’t take you for a shoujo type.”
“I borrowed it from [First]. We’re doing a book exchange over break.”
A book exchange… three words Satoru never thought would pique his curiosity. However, anything about you demands his undying attention. Even if it’s shoujo manga. Girls who read that genre do it to project onto the heroine, right? So the love interest must have appealed to you. What tropes do you like? Do you want a shy, sensitive soul who blushes and stutters in your presence? A misunderstood bad boy who’s only soft around you? The responsible student council president?
Oh, he’ll have so much material to tease you with when you return. He can’t wait.
“How do I enter this exclusive book club?” Satoru demands.
“You don’t. I don’t trust your taste,” Shoko replies, much to his chagrin. “You can still read it, though. She has all of the volumes in her room.”
… Your room?
He grins from ear to ear.
Should he respect your privacy? Probably. Is he going to? Of course not. He never has, there’s no point in starting now.
This trip of yours might yet redeem itself.
-
Along the outskirts of Jujutsu High, Geto Suguru spots an odd woman.
She’s wearing a baggy graphic tee, low-rise jeans, and gaudy bracelets on both arms. Her black hair is tossed up, thick strands sticking in every direction. Even from this distance, he can discern the silver glint of piercings that dot her ear like constellations. The stranger stands slouched, both her hands shoved into her pockets. For her to have gotten this far, she can’t be a civilian. Those unfamiliar with jujutsu can’t find this place.
He stays still for a spell — watching and waiting. From this distance, she shouldn’t be able to sense his presence. It’s one of the few areas he excels at over Satoru. Satoru’s cursed energy is bright, blindingly so, a thunderous clap that can be heard for miles. Suguru prefers to keep his muted. It coils around his limbs like a serpent, never straying far. This is why you had no difficulty picking out Satoru’s stupefying presence on your first day, whereas he had to make himself known to you.
Suguru’s lips quirk up.
He was fated to meet you.
“Hey! Kiddo!” A deep, somewhat raspy voice exclaims. He blinks rapidly, temporarily thrown off. “This ain’t an art gallery. What’s with the staring?”
She noticed him? How?
When the stranger starts slinking his way, he regains his composure.
“I apologize. It wasn’t my intention to make you uncomfortable,” Suguru’s cadence flows smoother than a river.
“Hah! ‘Uncomfortable?’ That’s a way of putting it,” she pokes the space beneath her emerald eyes twice. “Even now, I can feel ya picking me apart. Shit’s creepy.”
His smile tightens. “I’ll be more mindful of my conduct in the future, then.”
She waves him off. Her golden bracelets clink together as she does so, the sound grating his ears.
“That’s a lie if I ever heard one. And I should know. Schemers excel at picking out their brothers in arms,” she juts her head up, giving the impression that she’s the one looking down on him, despite the slight height difference.
“Anyhow, by the looks of it, you must be Sugu-kun.”
… Did she just call him Sugu-kun?
“What? Too soon* to be calling you that? Heh, heh…”
Suguru’s smile tightens. “You can refer to me however you like, so long as I can return the favor.”
She guffaws.
“Maaan, Goldie sure was gracious in her description of you,” the woman gives him a lopsided grin. “Name’s Akane. There — is the playing field leveled now?”
“Ishimoto Akane?”
He doesn’t miss the way she winces as her surname is spoken aloud, rather pointedly at that.
“Ah. S’pose I had that coming.”
Suguru decides against prolonging her torment. He’s in a generous mood, it isn’t every day he has a chance to learn more about you. This is an opportunity he’ll take full advantage of.
“And I presume 'Goldie' is [First]?”
He makes a mental note to figure out the wordplay for your nickname later.
“Full marks.”
Suguru hums, a sound indicating that he’s drifting deep into thought.
You don’t mention your mentor often. When you do, it’s normally in the form of endearing (if not mildly concerning) anecdotes.
“She told me that natto is bits of caramel held together by melted marshmallows, like a Rice Krispy Treat. It… it was not like a Rice Krispy Treat…”
“... For my twelfth birthday, she got me Pokemon Ruby. I remember crying because Roxeanne’s Nosepass took out my Torchic. My cursed energy spiked and the party had to end early…”
“... Out of curiosity, I drank her stash of Georgia canned coffee. My heart rate was almost high enough to warrant a trip to the ER…”
Getting anything else relating to her out of you was like trying to wring water from a rock. Suguru didn’t miss the wistful melancholy underpinning your stories. You recalled them with a far-off expression as if mourning that those days of whimsy were over. Initially, he considered it a consequence of growing up. Childhood idols rarely remain highly esteemed as the years pass and maturity accrues.
His intuition argued that he should examine the issue closer.
(“I met her, y’know,” Satoru mentioned whilst he spun in a rolling chair ‘commandeered’ from Yaga. “Akane. Our girl’s mentor. Former mentor? Whatever the case is.”
Suguru sat his pencil aside, any investment in his studies gone.
“When?”
“Last March.”
Suguru sighed. “And you didn’t bring this up earlier because…?”
There’s a twinkle in his companion’s sunglasses-covered eyes.
“Must’ve slipped my mind,” Satoru shrugged.
Liar, Suguru thought, unamused by Satoru’s faux nonchalance. He must’ve had his reasons for neglecting to mention it for so long. Suguru figured your impending trip home had something to do with Satoru’s ‘miraculously’ cured amnesia.
“What? Don’t tell me you aren’t curious.”
The provocation failed to irk him. Instead, Suguru refocused the conversation.“Tell me your impression of her.”
Satoru stilled, threw his feet atop Suguru’s desk, and placed his hands on his neck. “About what you’d expect from a disgraced daughter of an influential clan. Bad-tempered, tattooed, pierced up… hah! Bet her old man would go into cardiac arrest if he saw her.”
“Satoru,” he implored.
“Fine, fine. So impatient,” The white-haired sorcerer complained. “I misread her. She got all mopey after she fessed up about Cursed Technique: Null. I wrote it off as envy. The student exceeding the master, or whatever.”
Satoru remained silent for a moment. “Post Kaizu, though, I assume the feeling actually gnawing at her… ”
Kaizu.
Panicked phone calls. Satoru’s agitated exclamations. His horrified silence. Your breathing faded, theirs accelerated. You looked so small. So human. He scarcely believed the limp girl cradled in his arms just executed such a devastating maneuver. Your cursed energy had exceeded any output he’d felt from you before. It was too much, your body wasn’t ready to endure a spike like that.
Suguru had never felt so distant from the title ‘strongest.’
At some point later on, in a hospital waiting room, Suguru posed a question.
Satoru heard him yet offered no response.
“Who taught her how to do that?”
“... was guilt.”)
“You didn’t visit her.”
Akane blinks.
“Hah?”
“You didn’t visit her,” Suguru repeats, his tone firmer. “[First]. Your student.”
She exhales shakily. Suguru thinks she looks tired.
“If you have something to say, just come out with it already.”
He was prepared to wear her down for hours — this willing cooperation saves him time. Although, it doesn’t make navigating the volatile minefield that lies ahead any easier. He knows how to rein Satoru in when he’s going too far. He can fluster you without giving too much of himself away. After rescuing someone from a curse, he knows the exact pitch, timbre, and tempo necessary to pierce through their abject horror. He’s a virtuoso at playing people, a conductor hidden amidst the audience.
Deceit. Misdirection. Coercion.
His repertoire is expansive and ever-growing.
From what he can see — what he can feel — the prodigal daughter before him boasts a similar discography. She returns his unflinching eye contact as if issuing a challenge. Daring him to use dubious methods that might work on anyone else. This obstinate resolve reminds him of you. Once you’ve determined your course, even he struggles to change the route.
He abandons all pretense.
“You didn’t want her here,” he theorizes. Akane’s face reveals nothing. “You knew something like that was bound to happen.”
Sorcerers aren’t only at war with curses. No, there’s an inner battle that must be fought as well. The recognition that the next assignment could be your last. And if it is, you won’t be commemorated by the masses; to them, you don’t exist. Your sacrifice will be known to a select few who mourn you, or a few who don’t. Everything could go right. Everything could go wrong. Engaging in that high risk for such a low reward goes against one’s self-preservation instincts.
How each sorcerer handles this fight is unique to them.
As for your strategy — you refuse to acknowledge this conflict exists.
Paradoxically enough, that functions as your self-preservation.
Akane smiles thinly. She’s almost his reflection, in that regard.
“Full marks.”
-
Suguru idly observes as Satoru paces back and forth, his troubled figure illuminated by a row of vending machines.
A nearby street lamp flickers. It’s late, but the local convenience stores glow with artificial light, tempting customers to come inside. Some are weary salarymen grabbing ready-made meals, others are middle schoolers clinking their change together, praying they can afford a sugary treat. The latest group cheers, indicating their triumph.
The duo receives odd looks — thanks to their school uniforms, no doubt — not that they pay the judgment any mind. No one troubles them. Not even a wandering policeman, who, under normal circumstances, would scold minors out by themselves at night.
Suguru theorizes that Satoru’s ominous aura is what subconsciously repels them.
Earlier today, Suguru bid farewell to his parents and boarded a train for Tokyo. As nice as it was to spend time with his family, he’d been looking forward to reuniting with you and Satoru. He amassed quite the phone bill thanks to your frequent correspondence. Nonetheless, he carried the minor debt with pride; it’s a sign you often thought about him. He planned for Satoru to assume the debt by dangling the pictures you sent his way as ransom.
His encounter with Ishimoto Akane grounded his soaring mood. This was made worse when he entered the dormitory, only to find a tight-lipped Shoko and agitated Satoru.
Shoko remarked that unlike the two of them, she’d be handling things with ‘tact,’ and retired for the evening, not wanting to catch their ‘stupidity contagion.’
It’d been hours since then. That time stretch brought them closer to revealing the complete picture, but a few pieces remained missing or incomplete.
The frenetic sorcerer stills and rummages around in his pocket.
Suguru takes the opportunity to break the silence. “I—”
He cuts himself off as Satoru whips out a familiar-looking chapstick. The cutesy design befitting your aesthetic stands out like a sore thumb in Satoru’s large, calloused hands.
“... Where did you get that?”
“[First]’s room,” is Satoru’s response, spoken nonchalantly whilst applying it to his lips. “Why?”
Suguru snorts. Sometimes Satoru’s ungodly strength blinds him to the fact that he’s still a teenage boy.
“Won’t she notice it’s missing?”
“I replaced it.”
“Ah.”
“She has plenty more in the drawer beneath her vanity if you want one.”
Suguru knows the exact spot Satoru’s referring to. They both helped you assemble it (Satoru got bored fifteen minutes in and fell asleep on your bed but still claims credit).
After noting this suggestion, he asks, “Have you calmed down?”
Satoru barks out a ‘hah!’ as if he’d just heard a hilarious joke. “Me? Shouldn’t I be askin’ you that?”
Suguru massages his temples, sensing the looming headache that awaits him. “Satoru…”
“We could follow her residuals, you know,” Satoru suggests. He tips his sunglasses down, revealing eyes that gleam with predatory intent. “With the Six Eyes, it’d be a walk in the park.”
“And then what?”
“Oh, you know, chat about the weather, latest political scandals, that sort of thing.”
“You can’t strong-arm yourself through everything in life, Satoru,” Suguru chastises.
Satoru opens and closes his lips. He folds his arms, scrunches his eyebrows together, and rapidly taps his foot. The shift puts Suguru at ease. Satoru adopts this countenance on the rare occurrence he’s faced with a formidable threat. The serious, almost somber visage speaks to his ironclad resolve. Suguru may have told his companion that he can’t strong-arm himself through everything, but that’s a half-truth; the Gojo clan’s pride can do whatever he pleases.
It’s consideration of the aftermath that Suguru wishes to instill in his companion. Tempering the arrogance of a God is no easy feat.
“... She isn’t going anywhere,” Satoru declares, as if any other outcome was blasphemous.
“She isn’t,” Suguru agrees. Then, he lowers his voice, adding, “We can’t disregard what Ishimoto-san is getting at, though.”
“Simple — all our girl needs is a good ol’ fashioned intervention.”
“An ‘intervention,’” Suguru deadpans. “Didn’t you already try that?”
Satoru smiles in a way Suguru can only describe as dopey, reminiscing on the night you got ‘mad at him for wanting you to be mad at him.’ That’s how Suguru interpreted the detailed account Satoru gave the next morning, anyway.
(“I wish she would’ve cried, just a little bit; it would’ve made her look extra cute,” Satoru cooed, to which Suguru shot him an exasperated look. “Oh, don’t act so high and mighty. You’d make her cry just so you could wipe her tears away.”)
Suguru shakes his head. “Here’s what I think — the self-sacrifice in and of itself isn’t the problem. Well, the main problem. There has to be a reason, something personal… identifying that takes priority.”
A gust rips through the narrow street, howling as it terrorizes store signs and doors with weak hinges. The two strongest sorcerers remain oblivious to the drift. What occupies their mind is greater than any force of nature, insignificant or otherwise. They have the means to challenge natural phenomena itself. And they would, should they deem it an obstacle to their goals. This single-minded determination is what elevates them beyond the rest.
“I guess the old man has a soft spot for us after all,” Satoru says, referring to Yaga, Suguru guesses.
Breathlessly, he chuckles. “Maybe.”
Studying Satoru from his peripherals, he silently mulls over the far likelier reality—
—that Yaga understands Satoru’s potential for saving this world is matched only by his capacity to condemn it.
-
From a young age, Ieri Shoko found irony everywhere she looked.
It’s prevalent in the medical field she wishes to pursue. When stabbed, it’s better to leave the knife in than immediately pull it out. For an immune system to better defend itself from a virus, it must first be exposed to it in trace amounts. If an appendage becomes too infected, removing that piece of the body is better than keeping it whole. It was you who pointed out this theme extends into the world of jujutsu.
“You’d think fighting to survive a curse instead of defeating it would be an okay alternative, right?” You had said. “But really… that just means someone else gets to foot the bill. All ‘cause you cheaped out.”
She regrets not asking you to elaborate. At the time, the observation felt so personal, so intimately interwoven with who you are, that she thought it best to leave it alone.
Watching you now, lounging on the swing beside her, she’s determined not to repeat her previous mistake.
“Tired?”
“Well, yeah,” you laugh. It sounds off. “I wasn’t meant for long flights. It takes everything out of me, y’know?”
Shoko unsuccessfully digs around her pocket for a lighter. The search ceases when she recalls its inopportune location — left behind in her dorm room in the rush to be the one who reaches you first. Not sure what else to do with her hands, she folds them onto her lap. Meanwhile, you pick at a stray thread on your jeans.
“I didn’t mean from traveling,” she clarifies.
“Hm?”
“How many curses did you exorcise back home?”
Your fingers go still.
“I dunno… a few?” You shrug, stuffing your hands in your pockets. “If I happen across them, I’m not gonna just let them run amuck. That’d be irresponsible.”
Your nonchalance comes across as forced. You may be keeping your words lighthearted, but she can tell you’ve dialed up your senses, monitoring her closely. It reminds her of a cornered mouse. It’s then that any lingering doubt over her choices leading up to this moment dispels. Resolve strengthened, she swears to make as much progress as she possible before those two catch on. She felt a bit bad lying about your flight’s time, but felt the situation justified the call.
“It feels different when they’re close to home, doesn’t it?”
Shoko’s eyes scan over the lively park before them. There’s a group of children playing with one another, some scouring the grass for bugs and others playing tag. Their guardians watch from a distance, chatting amongst themselves, likely discussing the upcoming poor weather or latest neighborhood scandals. Young couples walk hand in hand along the pathways, cheeks flushed from the joy of experiencing their first love.
“Encountering a curse is draining. Fighting them, even more so. But when they’re on a street you walk every day, or a few blocks over from your house, you can’t help but start thinking. ‘What if I hadn’t come this way? Would it have hurt people I know? People I love and care about?’”
Her eyes find yours. “‘What if it killed them?’”
You look like you’re going to be sick.
She ignores how your expression contorts her stomach and continues. “Sorcerers are in the minority, it’s true. So… fighting to survive isn’t selfish. It’s strategic.”
In the distance, the rough silhouette of two individuals grows clearer. The spotlight she commandeered grows fainter with their every step. In what remains of the fading limelight, she considers you. The CC cream that conceals the worst of your exhaustion, how your pupils dilate from high caffeine intake, then your fingers. The keys that when steepled just so, open the future for others at the cost of permanently locking yours.
She reaches over and gently squeezes your hand.
“Remember — we won’t be much help to anyone if we’re six feet under. So let’s aim to stay above ground.”
-
The evening sun sinks into the horizon, demanding acknowledgment in its final moments by dousing all in a fiery hue.
Your uniform absorbs the brunt of this last stand. The dark fabric devours the waning sunlight, heating you from head to toe. It didn’t fully occur to you that you were back when you walked through the torii gates lining the mountainous path. Nor when you unpacked in your dorm, stuffing your passport away until your next break, where it’ll serve you faithfully again.
Instead, it was the simple act of putting your uniform on again that made home seem far, far away.
You’d gotten used to your clothes smelling like your mother’s preferred detergent. It’s a brand you couldn’t find in Japan, sold exclusively in your home country. You wondered what meal your parents were having when you straightened out your collar. If your neighbor ever fixed that rumble their old sedan huffed out as you slipped into your tights. Whether your grandpa knew you’d landed safely when you brushed lint off your skirt.
The campus atmosphere is serene. Tengen’s barrier is a bulwark against curses, insulating you from any potential threats. Without this assurance, some part of you was always on the defensive, anticipating anything when you slept in your childhood bedroom. It siphoned away your vitality, just like Shoko pointed out.
You sniffle and kick a rock aside.
How does it always end up like this?
First Akane, now Shoko, you hug yourself. I just want to protect others. What’s so wrong with that? If I don’t, then who will?
You pause abruptly.
When Akane began mentoring you, the world as you knew it changed. Suddenly, you were given knowledge no one else was privy to, for they lacked the tools to comprehend it. You’d seen those ‘creatures’, but it was Akane that explained their malevolent nature. What they could do, the pain they inflicted, how defenseless the population at large was against them.
The shadow that this monstrous threat cast could never be outshone by light. The best you could do was create safe pockets the size of pins in the darkness. That was the extent of your hope, the most bitter pill you’ve ever swallowed.
The lingering specter of Shoko’s reassuring touch prickles along your hand.
It’s easy to forget you’re not alone anymore after fighting by yourself for so long.
-
Eventually, you happen upon a clearing near the school’s main grounds.
The steep inclines surround a sizable outdoor track. This area is known colloquially as the school’s training grounds. You prefer to train in a more secluded, wooded area, but not everyone shares your enthusiasm for subtlety. Namely, the two prodigies who have turned the field into a colosseum that’d rival the battles of ancient Rome.
You take a seat on the grassy hill and watch what unfolds.
Your eyes can scarcely follow the blows Suguru and Satoru exchange. Their sparring sessions are unreal — blurring the very fabric of reality. Somehow, they manage all this without using cursed energy. The spectacle you’re witnessing is simply hand-to-hand combat. It’s like watching a film with skipping frames. In a matter of seconds, they can travel a hundred meters and return to their original position. Your brain struggles to process the stimuli your senses are feeding it.
They were already strong when you met them. But now? The nomenclature doesn’t exist to properly classify them.
And in the future…
There’s no telling what highs they’ll reach or the ceilings they’ll shatter.
Their light is the most dazzling you’ve ever seen.
Within a few minutes, they conclude their training session. Satoru instantly beelines toward you, whereas Suguru cycles through stretches. There’s not even a single drop of sweat on Satoru’s body as he plops to your right. He’s wearing his signature sunglasses, despite the night's looming shadow.
“Shouldn’t you be asleep or something?” Satoru asks. “It’s past your bedtime.”
You punch him lightly on the shoulder. He yelps out an exaggerated ‘ouch!’ rubbing the area to soothe the nonexistent wound.
Suguru approaches at a far more leisurely pace, sending a wave that you return in kind.
Satoru, not one to be forgotten, yells out, “Be careful, Suguru! She’s violent!”
“Only against those who deserve it,” Suguru replies.
Fondness blossoms inside your chest as you laugh. You’d forgotten how simple life feels around them. It’s as if when the three of you are together, you’re swallowed by a pocket dimension, isolated from everyone and everything. Permanently inhabiting this utopia is a temptation.
Satoru places his hands behind his head and lays onto the ground. “Here I am, potentially out of commission forever, without a single ounce of sympathy to show for it.”
“We could always settle in court,” you offer.
Suguru stands before you, hands on his hips. “Or he could finally figure out how to use reverse cursed technique.”
At this, Satoru shoots back up, his sunglasses falling askew. “Hah? Last I recall, you gave yourself a headache giving it a go. At least I’m not that bad.”
“Hurdles are necessary to improve. Without any, how do you know you’re truly making progress?”
Satoru gives him a grossed-out look. “All this philosophizing is gonna turn your hair gray before you hit twenty.”
“That’s rich, coming from the guy whose hair is already white,” You point out. “What’s that say about you?”
Suguru muffles his laughter behind his hand.
Satoru’s quick to overcome his incredulity. “It says that I’m going to spoil the next volume of Inuyasha. Sesshomaru—”
You cover your ears and sprint off. “Can’t hear you, can’t hear you, can’t hear you…!”
He chases after you, periodically shouting the names of the main characters right when you think he’s finished. You do your best to block out his voice, running like your life depends on it. He’s hot on your heels, cackling at your expense. After a stretch of silence, you uncover your ears, hesitantly turning around to check if he’s finished his torture.
You meet Satoru’s gaze. His lips are parted, his eyebrows slightly raised. Your reflection in his dark lenses appears equally perplexed. He straightens his sunglasses and regards you with an unreadable expression.
“... You’ve gotten faster.”
The comment is so quiet, you’re unsure if you heard him correctly.
“Hm?”
“Nothing,” he dismisses, waving you off. “You shoujo-loving types sure take this stuff seriously. It’s almost cultish.”
“I don’t wanna hear that from the guy who references Digimon like it’s some sorta scripture!”
“Honda Tohru is a lame heroine.”
You audibly gasp. “Wh— you take that back!”
And so it’s your turn to chase Satoru, who, for reasons unknown, is oddly knowledgeable regarding Fruits Basket.
-
“Could you guys be honest with me about something?”
“All depends.”
“Of course.”
Satoru and Suguru’s responses come out simultaneously, the contents offering little reassurance. You’re not sure what you expected. Nonetheless, you press past the gnawing discomfort, your conversation with Shoko a fresh memory.
“Did Akane stop by while I was gone?”
You scrutinize their countenances for involuntary reactions that might betray their inner thoughts. You begin with Satoru, who was in the middle of cleaning his sunglasses when you posed the question. His eyes, which normally brim with mischief, have an eerie calmness about them; like sheets of ice that were once choppy waters. He smiles softly and slips his lenses back into place, undoubtedly aware of the intent behind your stare.
Then there’s Suguru. He hums, as if finding your inquiry unexpected and not an inevitable point of contention. He’s a more challenging puzzle to decipher than Satoru. With the latter, you can roughly gauge the greater picture, blurry and incomplete as it may be. Suguru, on the other hand, hasn’t given you enough pieces to attempt a solution.
Satoru continues mulling over your question while Suguru responds, “Is that what’s been worrying you lately?”
So they picked up on it too, you think.
Frowning, you shift in your seat. Blades of grass tickle your thighs and you push your skirt down.
“Er… not that, specifically,” you admit. You feel like you’re surrounded by walls that know just how far to close in to give the impression you might be crushed. “I just… I’ve been thinking. About why I’m here— what I’ll go on to do. And, well…”
Much to their surprise, you stand, squeeze your eyes shut, and bow ninety degrees.
“For so long, I’ve carried this burden. The truth is, when I first learned about Null, I was relieved. I’d always have something to rely on in the worst-case scenario. But at the same time… that meant not using it could also be a mistake. You have no idea how much that scared me.”
You curl your hands up into fists. “I don’t want to think that way anymore. I see it now — have for a while, actually — strength I couldn’t even imagine before. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is… I’m in your care. If it’s alright, I want to rely on others, starting with you two.”
Your heart pounds wildly in the silence that follows.
Maybe this is selfish too, you think. But I don’t want to be alone anymore.
You hear Suguru speak your name. It isn’t until he repeats it, his tone kind yet firm, that you straighten yourself and face him.
Satoru stands further back, scratching his neck. Much to your confusion, a red flush has risen to his cheeks, extending up to his ears. Suguru corrects your staring by taking your face in his hands and redirecting your attention to him. Warmth envelops you. Your faces are inches apart, but somehow, the distance feels nonexistent, like he’s peering into your mind unhindered.
“Surely, you can dream bigger than that,” Suguru chastises.
“... Eh?”
“Do you think so little of us?” Satoru grumbles. It almost sounds like he’s pouting. Was he not listening to anything you just said? The sincerity behind your every word? Why are they both acting like you insulted them?
“Eh?!”
“I’m glad you’ve come to this realization, but… you don’t have to rely on anyone else. Just us,” Suguru takes a step back, though he keeps one hand cupping your cheek. You feel lightheaded. “After all…”
“... We’re the strongest.”
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notes:
*this pun actually works decently in english ?? but akane is making a reference to how suguru sounds phonetically similar to すぐ, or sugu, which means 'soon.'
#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#satoru x reader#geto suguru x reader#geto x reader#suguru x reader#jujutsu kaisen#reader insert#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#golden girl#my stuff
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₊˚⊹。 tell me about love (show me how) | gojo satoru
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wc: 7.4k
summary: you teach gojo how to love.
contains: f!reader in mind but no pronouns mentioned, descriptions of blood (typical jjk canon type stuff), shibuya onwards manga spoilers, implied minor character death, there are swears, suggestive bit at the end (but it’s funny!), lots of internal thoughts/dialogues, kind of canon divergent
a/n: relates to my short blurb, do you believe in love?, explores a lot on how i think gojo would be when it comes to love; ambiguous but linear timeline (jumps through scenes)
collection masterlist: conversations on love 01. do you believe in love? <- you are here -> 2.5. and my body keeps saying (it's yours)
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When Gojo has love for the taking, he makes no move to reach for it.
It’s unusual for him to be so restrained, being born into greed and predetermined purpose—a one-man clan fated to hold power close to God. There exists a hunger within him, insatiable and stubborn, unstoppable until he gets what he wants. It’s all he’s ever known: to take and devour, simply because he can.
Yet with this, he doesn’t. He can’t seem to.
“I think I’ll always want to be with you, Satoru.”
When you offer your heart to Gojo, he looks at you softly.
You catch his eyes and see the sky, bright, with flecks of light floating on his irises like cotton clouds in its periphery. It’s different from the piercing blue you’re used to—a terrifying riptide that washes you away.
It wasn’t intended as a confession, but Gojo always takes whatever you have to say. He commits it to memory each time; how could he not? Words that come from you flow so naturally, so earnestly that the air around you shifts all on its own.
His lips part slightly, red spatterings lining pink inner corners before they close again. He doesn’t say anything, but you know Gojo and the fingerprints of his soul—the way he bites his lips to withhold himself from speaking.
It’s dangerous, he thinks, how you make wanting something so complicated seem so simple.
He takes a small breath, then you feel it, pressed against you—the faint signature of his cursed energy overlaying his entirety. It tickles your skin a little, the effects of it brushing. You don’t remember the last time he put it up around you.
A million things run through Gojo’s mind for every split second he breathes, but at this point in time, he counts a million and one—one thought that if he touches you by infinity instead of his hands, he can have this good thing for now, that this is the only way how.
You’d think this a rejection, if any, but he doesn’t move away from you, and the blush blooming at the tips of his ears says more than he ever could.
.
.
.
The subtle intimacy you share with Gojo grows sporadically, from knuckles brushing to pinkies touching. He stands next to you more often, a few inches closer than he used to and sometimes, still, with an infinity connecting you.
.
.
.
When you hold Gojo’s hand for the first time, he jolts very slightly, as if you’ve shocked him. He’s started to put his infinity down around you again, and you continue the limbo of whatever it is you both are—except this time, he’s made it clearer, just a little bit.
During the last few leaves of fall, Gojo skips to an ice cream stand like a pre-schooler on early dismissal. You trail behind him slowly, shaking your head affectionately; he’s the only adult you know that still acts like he’s 5.
“You’re like a horse.” you jest, stopping next to him in line.
“You’re a snail.” he huffs, side-eyeing you, like a child.
You gasp exaggeratingly, hitting his arm. He fake-winces, but that’s all it is; Gojo’s the strongest and you don’t know of any human touch that has managed to hurt him, except—
Yeah. Your eyes trail to the side of his neck, hidden in the shadows of his jawline; there’s really nothing, but sometimes you blink and see crimson, oozing, gushing, leaking—you shake away the thought.
When he receives his ice cream cone stacked with vanilla-strawberry-vanilla and rainbow sprinkles on top, the smile on his face parallels the sun. He looks cozy, almost boyish, beaming against the autumn breeze blowing on his thick gray hoodie.
You wonder if he feels just as warm.
(Maybe that’s why you do it, then).
Once Gojo turns to give you the cone, you reach for his other hand tentatively, shyly—your fingertips grazing his palm lightly. You want to give him an out if he can’t take this, but he doesn’t move. He twitches a little, as if he’s been caught off guard, but that’s it.
His eyes widen briefly, just a bit, before turning into the same soft skies frequenting them lately.
“Sorry, is this okay?” you whisper, peering up at him.
He stares at you for a while, his hand in yours unmoving. You leave a sliver of space between your palms–your own version of his infinity–just in case. And he takes it all in: how tiny your hand is wrapped around his, how gently you speak—how warm he feels now amidst this autumn breeze.
“The strawberry’s really good,” he finally replies, pressing the dessert closer to you, “try it.”
You give him one last look before you indulge in his request. Gojo’s always been good at that: pushing and pulling—pushing you away with non-answers only to pull you back in with something else.
But he doesn’t let go of your hand, so you keep yours there, palms nearly touching. (You make a point not to mention how the parts that do touch become clammy for the rest of the afternoon).
.
.
.
You start to think that your relationship with Gojo is going somewhere, then he disappears (‘gets sealed’ might be the more proper term).
His absence is deafening. You’ve all lost so much, and it hurts, but you carry on knowing full well that this is what being a jujutsu sorcerer means. There aren’t many left to fight his fight, so you do what you can to. You stay with Shoko, mostly, if not going back and forth with Utahime. You can’t afford to be crying when the students, the kids—you can’t even bear to think about what they’re going through.
Nights are the hardest, when the world is quiet but your mind is loud, throwing far too many questions you can’t find the answers to.
What will Gojo come back to? Then the scarier thought: Will he even come back?
You don’t want to doubt him, ever, but your mind continues to play back that day, like a final memory. The unintentional confession; his eyes like the sky.
You don’t want it to be the last important thing you tell him.
“I should start looking into retirement plans, like Nanamin.” you raise an eyebrow, questioning. Gojo’s never spoken this far into the future before, most especially his.
“Work is shit now for you too?” you scoff, leaning back on the wooden ledge.
Gojo rolls his eyes, skipping the coverage of his blindfold today.
“Well, after I remove the old geezers and change everything, there won’t be much left to do.”
You hum in response. He does make a point.
“Also, Megumi won’t need me anymore,” he pouts, whining, “who else will want me around?”
You try to hold back your laugh, wanting so badly to tell him that Megumi doesn’t even really like him around to begin with—but you figure breaking Gojo’s heart isn’t really something you want to do if you value your peace.
“I don’t know,” you reply, shifting your weight, “I think I’ll always want to be with you, Satoru.”
Even now, especially now. You wish you were with him, too.
.
.
.
The day you hear of Gojo’s potential return, you drop your breakfast outside the 7-Eleven near Jujutsu Tech. You’re supposed to meet up with Utahime for a weekly check-in but your feet take you to Shoko, and the footsteps in your heart have never echoed louder.
This is the first good news in a while—especially after finding out about the state of Megumi and what happened to Tsumiki, your sweet girl Tsumiki.
When Gojo comes back, it’s like he never left. He pops out of the box joking the same way, talking the same way. He proves himself to be the strongest all the same, and when he wins—there are scars, but he wins and that fact stays the same.
So, when you reach for his hand now and he moves away, you’re stuck wondering what’s changed.
.
.
.
You let it stay that way for a while, your understanding extending to Gojo the way it always has—you don’t push, and he gives you what he can. It honestly isn’t all that bad, because at least he’s still talking to you like he used to.
Jujutsu society is still shaken from its core. You and all who have survived bear the task of building everything from the ground up; it’s exhausting, especially since most of you are still mourning.
Megumi’s been put in an induced coma; you understand why but it still tugs at your heart when Shoko tells you it might take a while. Everyone else has been assigned to sweep through the rest of Japan to ensure that any remaining curses are taken care of.
You see Yuuji and Yuuta visit Megumi sometimes, along with Maki and Toge when they’re free. Gojo’s there pretty often too, using healing sessions with Shoko as an excuse to see the boy he’s practically raised at 17, with you.
But while Gojo’s smiles to everyone else remain as charming as ever, you can always tell when they’re untrue.
.
“Are you okay?”
You find Gojo a little after midnight on the rooftop of the faculty building. The city always looks pretty from up here—a sea of lights reflected up on the sky. It’s a running joke that rooftops are Gojo’s ‘thing’, but you know he really only comes to places like this to think. You wonder what’s on his mind now, coming here every single night since being unsealed.
Despite how quiet you try to be, sneaking up on Gojo is almost impossible; he senses you before he hears you, sees the familiar traces of your cursed energy through his Six Eyes.
“Can’t sleep thinking about me?” he teases, looking straight ahead.
The steps you take towards him are careful, afraid of running him off like you seem to be lately. You sit beside him, leaving a space larger than you usually do, then shrug, “These days, yeah.”
It’s times like this when Gojo forgets how honest you can be, how he takes your word for everything, completely.
It’s threatening, he thinks, how you can say so much with so little.
“Well, maybe I can suggest—”
“Seriously, Satoru,” you grip the ledge tightly, knuckles turning white, “please.”
You tend to let Gojo dodge your questions a lot of the time, his elusiveness a hallmark of who he is. So you never sound like you do now, serious, pleading.
Gojo fiddles with his fingers, pondering. He hums lowly before speaking, “Does it matter?”
It hurts you a little, how that’s even a question. He should know better than to ask that to you.
“It matters to me, Satoru,” you sigh, “you know it does.”
You barely catch the way his brows furrow at your response, but there are creases on his blindfold that can’t be created by anything else. And Gojo knows—is so painfully aware of the way you care.
Since coming back, he’s never felt like he’s fully returned. It’s an odd existence of in-between, like he breathes everything and nothing all at the same time. The emotions are even worse, overloading his senses with feelings he can never pinpoint.
How does he tell you that he must be fucked in the head? That every second in his mind is another step closer to insanity? That he’s lost your tether on Satoru in pursuit of Gojo—of being a god?
“I’ll tell you,” he starts, “but you have to look away.”
You’ve always treated Gojo tenderly, patiently, and he knows, without a doubt, that no matter what he says you will continue to do the same. But he can’t allow that, not anymore. Not after the way you looked at him that day.
“Okay,” you mutter, turning your head the other way.
He breathes out and you can almost picture it: half-bitten lips and eyes like low tide.
“I’m fine,” he says to the back of your head, “you have nothing to worry about.”
A breeze picks up and brushes past your neck. It’s a lie. He knows it, knows you know it too, but—
it’s easier this way, he thinks, to give you answers when you’re not looking.
Gojo’s never found a weakness he can’t work around, but he might have just found one with you—in your eyes, that read through his every lie. If you turn around now, he’ll want to tell you everything.
“Satoru,” you whisper, letting his name fill the air. You get it—him, and even when you don’t, you try damn hard to because you refuse to let Gojo carry all of it on his own.
There are crescent indents on your palm from squeezing your knuckles too hard. You think, is this how you form shallow cuts on your heart?
“It’s just me,” you continue, facing him when you say it.
He takes you all in—your eyes that hold the city lights, your lips, the only vessel that handles his name so delicately. It’s that look on your face again and Gojo’s hit with an ache in his chest—the overwhelming truth that whatever it is, he feels the same.
.
.
.
There’s a secret Gojo keeps, one he’s certain he’ll never tell you: that when he looks at you upon his return and finds an emotion he refuses to name, he’s never felt so afraid.
He takes in the shadows under your eyes and the sunkenness of your cheeks—the number of blinks it takes you to reign in tears on the brink of leaking. The way your voice shakes when you say his name.
Shoko tells him about it because she knows you never will—about how you’ve been running yourself dry, speeding through colonies to gather intel for any possible way to break the seal. She tells him about the sleepless nights, how she catches you standing outside his office at 3 a.m. before travelling to Utahime the next morning.
And he cannot comprehend it at first, cannot understand how he’s caused you to crumble this way.
If this is all because of him, how you’ve broken yourself all for his sake, he can’t allow it. To see you ruin yourself over him, over anyone ever—you deserve better.
So, when Gojo has love for the taking, he makes no move to reach for it; he cannot possibly take any more from you if this is what is left of you when he does.
.
.
.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” you catch him by the door of the conference room.
Rebuilding an entire society requires work and apparently a lot of meetings. Gojo doesn’t usually go to most of them, leaving you and Utahime to carry the chunk of his attendance when he’s not there. In the rare times that he does show up, he makes it a point to be the last one in and the first one out. Utahime hates him for it but you don’t blame him—he isn’t exactly amicable with other figures of authority.
He pauses when he steps out of the door, hands in pockets as he turns to face you.
You’re not mad or anything, just stating the fact. He’s always known you to speak this way. You lean against the wall next to you, keeping your arms crossed. More people continue to file out of the conference room, some eyeing the two of you curiously as they pass by.
Gojo glances at them, suddenly self-conscious as he clears his throat, “Right, I’ve been avoiding the paperwork you left in my office,” he emphasizes, practically announcing it to everyone in the vicinity, “let’s finish it now.”
You don’t know whether it’s irritating that Gojo’s so terribly bad at acting, or comforting that he still can’t, for the life of him, successfully lie in front of you.
He motions for you to follow him as he strolls down the hallway, but you intentionally lag a few steps behind, careful not to encroach on his space lest it make him avoid you any more than he already is.
Stepping into Gojo’s office after so long feels weird, like you belong here but only to a memory of it—as if closing the door behind you feels like activating a muscle you haven’t for a while. It’s been months after all.
Your eyes skim over the entire room, zeroing in on the stacks of paper lined up on his desk; paperwork has always been Gojo’s least favorite part of the job, often leaving you to do them with him (or alone, when you’re feeling generous). Not much has changed in his space; the mini living area still exists to the left of the room, with little bits of you in its interiors—the pillows, the coffee table books.
Gojo plops down on the sofa chair and props his feet up on the ottoman, giving four scrolls to his phone before pocketing it. He has the audacity to casually offer you the seat across from him, as if nothing’s wrong—as if he hasn’t been avoiding you for god’s sake.
Ever since the rooftop, he’s canceled lunch with you six times for reasons that you’re now realizing are less likely to be true. He’s kept a distance of at least one person in between you at all times, and to this day, you still don’t understand why.
You sigh, taking a seat and leaning back to cross your legs.
“You’re so bad at acting.” you start.
Being with Gojo for so long, you’ve come to realize that there’s no point being angry with him when your heart can never take it.
“I technically wasn’t lying.” he replies, sticking his index finger up.
“Yeah, I can see that,” you snicker, nodding to his desk.
It’s always like this with Gojo: he pulls you in and you follow. No matter the distance between you, when you sit down together like this, it still always flows so easily. The banter you’ve built together over a decade and more shines through no matter what state your relationship is in.
Neither of you say anything until Gojo replaces his blindfold for his sunglasses, placing the piece of cloth on the coffee table.
You break the silence.
“Why have you been avoiding me?” you ask quietly. Gojo aches at that, how you still choose to regard him so kindly.
Why has he been avoiding you? It’s a good question, completely valid with how he’s been treating you lately, but he could draw up every answer he has, all one million and one, and still not know what to say.
Gojo’s a pretty bad communicator; for how much he talks, he doesn’t really say much—and maybe that’s the root of all this. There are too many things he wants to say but can’t formulate in the right way.
“If it’s something I did, can you at least let me know?” you continue. Gojo frowns, how can you be wronged yet still think of yourself as the one to blame?
“Why do you do that?” he tuts, head tilting sideways as his hands dig deeper into his pockets.
“Do what?” you furrow your brows, confused.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, so don’t worry about it.” he says dismissively.
You arch an eyebrow; he has it all mistaken.
“Satoru, I’m not worried because I feel guilty,” you sit up, inching towards the edge of your seat, “I’m worried because you’re pushing me away.” your voice is level, but your pupils shake.
Something grips at his chest seeing you this way; together or apart, he seems to be the main contributor to your heartache.
You wonder if confronting him like this is any good if he’s not going to say anything anyway.
“If you want space, that’s okay, I get it, but,” you exhale, “at least just tell me why.”
This entire time avoiding you, Gojo’s had you on his mind—the million and one. He’s come to terms with what he feels when you’re together, and how it amplifies when you’re not.
It’s shitty of him to practically ghost you, not just in text but in real life too. But he’s thought about it logically, really, that removing himself from your life should be just like ripping off a bandaid—painful but quick. At least that way, you’d get over it fast.
He’d been resigned to doing that and that was the plan—until now.
All it takes is seeing that look in your eyes, and his resolve falls apart.
“I can’t.” he speaks softly.
What hurts the most is that beneath his sunglasses, his eyes still hold the sky.
You think you want to cry.
You take this as your answer and close your eyes, taking a deep breath before getting up to leave. If this is goodbye, you don’t want your last interaction to be an awkward memory of him watching you bawl in his office chair.
You push yourself up with the armrest only to sit back down—because Gojo is right in front of you, blocking your way. His infinity is up but touching, a tingling sensation sweeping across your knees.
“Wait,” he swallows, a franticness you’ve never seen before. His head stays down as he bites his lips, sunglasses hanging by his fingertips. You wonder what he wants to say, that even if it comes out messy, it’s okay. You want to tell him that it’s just you—that you’ll always want to hear it all anyway.
What comes next is unlike any version of Satoru you have ever known—nervous and uncertain, almost like he’s afraid. He lowers himself, slowly coming down to his knees in front of you. A giant of a man so small in your presence.
“I don’t know how.” he mutters, dropping his sunglasses to the floor.
You blink once, twice, still surprised by what’s in front of you. Gojo has always towered above you, has always known how to do anything and everything so effortlessly without fail.
Watching him now, with every inhale and exhale dragging in slow motion, you do your best not to startle him.
“How to what?” you whisper, the moment so fragile.
He looks up, eyes locking with yours. A reaction happens in that moment—the split second of all his thoughts collapsing into one. You see a clear sky, blue and bright as day, the Satoru he saves for you—while he sees you, with that look on your face, the one that he knows has always only meant love.
The sincerity in your gaze overwhelms him—makes him look away before it becomes too much. Red blooms at the tips of his ears as he bites the inner corners of his lips, fingers grabbing at the fabric of his pants. You’re afraid he might run away again, but he doesn’t and stays right where you are.
“You know…” he looks to the side, pouting, “whatever you do….”
“Like…?” you coax lightly, trying hard to hide the small smile forming on your lips.
You wonder how many versions of Satoru you’ll meet in your lifetime, and if this one, shy and nervous, will be one you’ll fit into the crevices of your heart just like all the others.
He grips his pants tighter, fabric bunching under his fingers, “When you hold my hand… those things. You get it.”
And you do (get it), so you don’t push, taking whatever Gojo has to give you like you always have.
The tension relieves from you slowly, comforted by the fact that at least he’s given you his reasons now (no matter how vague they still seem to be). That at least there are no non-answers this time.
You tell yourself that it’s okay, that you’re content as long as Gojo’s in your life even without the possibility of becoming something more.
“Ok—”
But there’s always one thing you forget about Gojo—
“So show me how.”
—in the moments you least expect it, he speaks the words that matter most.
.
.
.
You choose to show him slowly, gently, like the trickling introduction of water to a man who is first learning how to drink.
In the first few weeks of you and Gojo readjusting to one another, he turns on his infinity again—but only when he gets close enough to touch you. Lunches together happen more often, dinners sometimes too. Then he puts his infinity down, indefinitely.
For the most part, your relationship falls into the usual steps of your dynamic with Gojo; there’s no pressure for anything and he likes that, appreciates the time you’re giving him to learn things at his own pace.
It grows organically that way: knuckles brushing as you both reach for the stapler, pinkies touching whenever you walk side-by-side during site visits—until you’re able to hold his hand fully again, leaving that little infinity between your palms for him to close (hopefully, one day).
.
.
.
The faculty room is cold, especially during winter. The heating system is never warm enough to keep your hands from shaking whenever you mix your morning coffee.
“So loud so early,” Gojo saunters into the kitchen, hands in pockets as he approaches the pantry.
You stop mixing, ceasing the clinking of the spoon against your mug. “How are you not freezing?”
He shrugs, grabbing his box of (heavily sugared) cereal. “I guess I’m just hot.” he says, turning to wiggle his eyebrows.
You roll your eyes and set your coffee on the table, Gojo following with a bowl brimming with cereal and milk.
Mornings usually consist of you and Gojo, with an occasional new hire who has an early class that day. Most of the time, it’s just you two though, with Shoko coming in much closer to lunch time already.
“Want some?” he asks, holding out his spoon.
It’s routine—Gojo asks and you decline, choosing to save yourself from the cavities that he somehow manages to evade despite having a diet of 80% sugar.
Today though, you’re feeling a little adventurous.
You nod, opening your mouth. Gojo’s eyes widen, nearly dropping the spoon at your request. You see the flush of his cheeks and smile, corners of your mouth extending wider. The spoon is shoved to your mouth too quickly, almost like he’s embarrassed to feed you.
“Too sweet,” you scrunch your face, swallowing down the copious amount of sugar you’ll feel for days.
If there’s one thing you’ve learned about Gojo throughout this whole relationship trial period, he recovers from any state within a nanosecond. There’s no end to how shameless he can be.
“Like me, right?” he winks.
“Sure,” you drawl sarcastically and Gojo smiles like it’s high praise.
You sip your coffee slowly, revelling in the heat that flows down your throat.
“Can I have half of that?” you point to his bowl. Gojo looks at you, confused, but slides it over anyway.
What happens next is an abomination to Gojo’s eyes—pure absolute disgust: you pour half of his cereal into your coffee and mix, sipping and crunching on a few pieces every now and then.
His face contorts into complete distaste, horror and revulsion in the way his mouth hangs open.
“What are you doing? That’s gross!” he nearly yells, reaching over to bring your mug down. His hand covers yours for a moment, the contact still causing gallops in his heartbeat.
You laugh, giggling as he processes what you’d wasted his cereal on. It honestly doesn’t taste that bad, you think.
“You’re weird,” he says to you, the grin on his face uncontained. This morning, he feels fond, like the butterflies in his stomach are warm, tickling him from the inside. “Give me.” he motions to your mug.
You hold it up for him to take a sip but he keeps his hand over yours when he tastes, sticking his tongue out once the bitterness of your coffee hits. You set the mug down, preparing to reach for your spoon, but he takes your hand in his, long fingers slotting right between yours, interlacing.
Gojo doesn’t normally reach for your hand, much less interlace them together (a recent evolution to your hand-holding), but this feels nice, how your fingers fit right in the spaces of his.
You turn to him, a shy smile on your face. The tips of his ears are blush red but he looks at you the same, “Your hands were cold,” he pouts, “is this– is this okay?”
“Yeah, it’s warm. Thank you, Satoru.” you nod, beaming. And it’s not a competition but he hopes you see the light in his eyes, how it feels to be ignited within him only when he’s spending breakfasts like this with you.
.
.
.
Shoko asks what you are and you don’t know what to tell her other than you’re happy and it’s good. Gojo’s existence is loud and vibrant, easy to spot from miles away—but he cares for you discreetly, in the hand that gently rests on your lower back while crossing the street, and the seemingly unlimited supply of your favorite coffee when you have no recollection of restocking it ever.
He gives you a new mug for Christmas, one with little cereals painted all over while you give him his own tube of hand cream that he claims always smells like you.
During the faculty New Year celebration, you overhear one of the new hires make a move on Gojo. You aren’t bothered by it or anything, simply walking past to sip your sake by the couch. You can hear them talk a bit from the kitchen, but you try not to pry despite how curious you are about his response.
Until—
“I’m taken,” you hear Gojo say bluntly.
Everything rings in your ears after that. The countdown music is loud, but your heart beats louder; there are murmurs and footsteps around you, but only one man crouches down to check on you, glass of water in hand.
You snap out of it and see blue, the sky—a familiar light; you don’t think you can control the smile on your face, the alcohol lowering your inhibitions to paint on something lovesick.
And when he smiles back, pink lips stretching wide—oh your heart can’t take it. He places one hand on your knee, rubbing gently. You hear it faintly, how he asks if you’re okay, but all you can do is nod, words failing to express how you feel right now.
The countdown starts. 3 — and you take his face in your hands, squishing his cheeks to an image of him on your phone from many, many years ago. 2 — you go closer and his eyes go wide, a mixture of panic and surprise, but soft at the same time. 1 — you lean in and his eyelids fall shut, his chest on rampage. Then it lands, there, on the tip of his nose: a delicate peck and the smell of sake mixed with mint (like the lip balm you always carry around in your pocket).
When you pull away from him, you’re smiling the biggest he’s ever seen, and he can’t feel it from how numb his cheeks have become, but he’s doing the same.
.
.
.
That kiss to his nose serves as the catalyst to the months that follow: Gojo becomes more comfortable touching you now, and though he blushes every single time, there’s nothing to be ashamed of because you do too. Shoko can’t believe the slow burn this is taking you both, having watched this on the sides since you were both 22, but you think you like it—like the slow drizzle of honey on Gojo’s favorite breakfast waffles.
“How is it?” you ask, watching as Gojo takes a big bite.
“D Beft.” he replies, mouth full as he chews. You take the seat beside him and take a spoonful.
“There’s a secret ingredient.” you say mischievously, wiggling your eyebrows.
He swallows before he scoffs, “What?” cutting up another piece, “Love?”
You’re surprised because he says it so casually, and Gojo’s never talked about love, has never even mentioned the word since this shift in your relationship. He realizes a beat late by the expression on your face and gets flustered, thinking immediately of ways to brush past it.
You had meant to say that you used that infused sugar he buys whenever he goes to Kyoto, but… you suppose love works too. He should know by now, right?
“If it is?” you whisper, pretending to stir your coffee.
Gojo doesn’t know how to approach this, really, but he’s come too far to back out now. He clears his throat, mentally running through what he wants to say, then, “Good. ‘Cause that’s what I put in your coffee too.”
You laugh and the tension dissipates; there are hearts in your eyes for how hard Gojo has tried after denying himself of this for so long.
He stares at you—at the laugh lines by your eyes and the soft curves of your lips, the moment moving much too slow, stop motion in his mind. He’s drawn in until you’re all too close, a few centimeters from your noses touching.
Your laughter dies and your cheeks feel like they’re on fire; he’s so close you think he might kiss you. The signs are there—his eyes scaling your face to focus on your lips, his tongue peeping ever so slightly to wet his lips.
So you wait.
But he doesn’t, because he moves away after wiping his thumb on the side of your mouth. Even though you know there was nothing there.
Gojo continues to eat, blabbering about a site visit he’s assigned to next week, but you don’t miss the way his ears are fully red and how he’s biting his lips to death.
.
The tension this time is different; instead of a growing rift, you can’t seem to be close enough. Every time you part ways, he lets go of your hand more reluctantly—as if he wants to say more, do more, but stops himself while he still can.
When he leaves for missions, you kiss his cheek, pull him in by the hand and linger there, shyly. He gets embarrassingly red but tries to cover it up by telling you not to miss him too much (even though you know you will, and he knows he’ll miss you more).
Your near-kisses with Gojo happen more frequently, and it comes to a point where he even manages to land one on your forehead, while you fall asleep next to him on his office couch.
It’s driving you crazy, this tension—the mixed signals of it all. You try to kiss him a few times on the lips, but he evades them each time. You’ve caught Gojo staring at your lips more times than you can count; if that isn’t a sign, you don’t know what is.
Now that Gojo thinks about it, he’s come so far yet the prospect of kissing you properly still scares him. What if he fucks up? Doesn’t do it right? What if it’s not how he wants you to be kissed?
There’s that secret Gojo will never tell you, of how seeing that look on you has never gotten him more afraid. And he’s worked through that now, but it’s evolved into something else: how Gojo is now afraid of love, more than anything else, not because of loss but because he might not know how.
And kissing you, loving you this way—he’s never done it before, doesn’t know how to make you feel love without his lips shaking and heart palpitating; how to do it while letting you know he feels the same.
.
It happens during an assignment out of town. Curses aren’t as bad as they used to be, but they’re still stronger than what any of the available sorcerers right now can handle.
You don’t remember the last time you saw Gojo use his technique that way—almost forgotten how powerful and ruthless he can be. Every time since, holding your hand, keeping you close—he’s just been your Satoru.
Your apartment for the weekend is a two-bedroom unit with one bathroom and a decently sized living area and kitchenette; Gojo always chooses the room in front of the bathroom because he tends to wake up in the middle of the night to pee (information you know from your many other assignments with him before). Still, going as what you are now—it feels different.
There’s a charged air between you as you move around the unit; you make your nightly tea while Gojo looks through the groceries for some crackers. It’s peaceful and quiet—domestic almost, but there are goosebumps on your skin for reasons you can’t explain. Being around Gojo lately has felt that way.
He brushes past you to throw the finished packet of crackers and the feeling intensifies; it’s not awkward, just tense, like anticipation sitting deep in your bellies, waiting on each other to make the first move.
He announces that he’ll use the bathroom first, if you don’t mind, and you motion for him to go ahead. Your mind is fuzzy and having Gojo around seems to only make it worse.
When you walk past the bathroom and straight to your room, you hear Gojo humming that soft pop tune from a popular girl group on the radio earlier. You giggle, thinking it’s sweet—how he sings obnoxiously around everyone else but is admittedly pretty good when it’s just him, alone.
You still have the rest of the weekend in this area, having agreed to monitor the site and any nearby locations for other suspicious activity, but at least the worst of it is over (maybe just to you though; Gojo hates paperwork).
The sound of running water stops and you hear the bathroom door swing open. You don’t see Gojo when you exit your room but he leaves the door open to release any remaining steam.
There’s a reason why people say showers are good for the mind. You’re happy for those who’ve found it, but that couldn’t be you, because the only thought plaguing your head right now is Gojo—and whether you should greet him goodnight, if you should kiss his cheek or hug him tight. The tension between you now is palpable, an electric current waiting to zap on both ends.
Your mind is so out of it that you don't realize you’re missing your skincare bag until after you finish brushing your teeth and dressing for bed. You open the bathroom door with the sole intention of going back to your room to get it, but instead, you’re met with a wall of chest.
Gojo’s eyes are wide, bright blue with damp strands of white falling like curtains barely shielding the sky. He’s just as surprised as you are, toothbrush in his hand as you hold up the towel wrapped around your head.
You’ve seen Gojo in his pajamas many times before—white long sleeves with gray cotton pants, but your eyes trail to his collarbones and the way the bathroom lights cast it under a soft glow. The redness on his cheeks, a visual manifestation of the heat on yours.
Gojo can’t stop staring at your lips, at how soft they look—at how soft you look fresh out of the shower. The little baby hairs sticking out under your towel are cute, and he leans in without knowing—a pull he can’t seem to resist. For once in his life, Gojo’s mind is still.
You try to meet him halfway, tiptoeing, but you’re a little out of your element; you don’t know where to put your hands and your heart’s about to explode out of your chest. When your noses touch, you can’t breathe, closing your eyes while you wait for it.
But it doesn’t come.
You feel Gojo’s breath stilling before speeding up into little exhales. Something is wrong. You open your eyes and find him staring back at you, a version of Gojo you haven’t seen in a while—that you rarely see ever, except that day during your confrontation in his office.
Concern laces your features and you move back a little, hands coming up to caress his cheeks. His eyes still look frantic, but they focus on you when you cup his face so gently.
“Satoru,” you whisper, voice grounding. His breaths slow down a little.
You realize that it must be true then, what they say, that those who love to be feared, fear to be loved, because you’ve never seen anyone afraid of something so good as Gojo is of this.
“Satoru,” you repeat, massaging his temples with your thumb, “we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
Gojo hates it, how you’ve always had to adjust for him. He hates that he can’t give you this one thing, hates that you’re still so patient, that he’s still so afraid. He swallows, closing his eyes tight before opening them again.
“I want to,” he chokes out, “I just don’t know—”
You chuckle, without judgment, “I don’t either,” you lean forward, foreheads touching, “but do you want to try together?”
You learn that Gojo sees himself so differently from how you do—and maybe that’s everyone, but Gojo tends to say things while doing the other. He says he can’t bother with kids, but continues to take so many of them under his wing anyway; he calls your cereal concoction disgusting but tastes it regardless; and he says he can’t think about love, doesn’t know how, but proceeds to try so much harder, everyday.
When you look at Gojo, you see a heart so big, so capable, that he can’t see it himself.
You nudge his nose with yours and he breathes deeply, closing his eyes once again. If he doesn’t do this now, how much longer ‘till he does?
Gojo hums before nodding his head slightly. His hands come up to cover yours, toothbrush wedged in the spaces between his fingers; they’re clammy, he’s sure, but he’s kept you waiting long enough.
When you kiss Gojo for the first time, everything trembles—his pupils, his lips, the breath he takes. It’s all shaky and nervous, but your lips touch and all you know is that you like it there. He’s a little bit stiff but you don’t mind, pressing closer just for a little bit before pulling away.
Gojo keeps your hands in place, half-lidded eyes staring at you lazily. His ears are fully red now but he’s giving you a look you’ve never seen before—like lightning crackling in the gaps between his eyelids.
When you kiss Gojo for the first time, you don’t expect it to be by the bathroom door of a rented apartment, while away on a mission. You don’t expect it to be in your pajamas, towel wrapped around your hair as you’re getting ready for bed. You definitely don’t expect him to guide your hands down his neck while he places his on your lower back, squeezing lightly before pulling you in to kiss you again.
This time, his lips move more pliantly, parting yours slightly; he tastes mint, mixed with the strawberry candy he had earlier and it’s nothing he could have ever imagined before, but is now everything he’s ever wanted. The push and pull between you is magnetic, soft lips and the intermingling of held breaths. All Gojo can think of now is to take, to devour—to keep you with him, like this, always.
You wonder if Gojo is lying—that he’s never done this before, because you don’t think you can kiss anyone after this and not think of his lips on yours.
By the time you part, the air is significantly warmer. Your fingers thread through the hair at the base of his neck and you smile, sighing. Gojo looks warm, with his swollen lips and flushed cheeks.
“That…” you trail off, nudging his nose.
Gojo looks at you fondly; to ever even think he could have this now, with you—he doesn’t believe in any higher being but you must be his prayer come true.
“We can practice a bit more, I think.” he pulls you closer, hands gripping your hips.
You feel it against you, something solid and firm against your stomach and your eyes go wide at the realization; Gojo does the same.
“Satoru, you–” he moves back and freezes, untangling himself from you completely. There’s a faint outline on the crotch of his pants and your whole face goes red.
“Let me use the bathroom real quick.” he panics, rushing past you and closing the bathroom door.
You stand there stunned for a good minute before you shake out of it, laughing. Gojo yells about how you’re being so mean, making fun of him when he’s like this, but you aren’t—not really.
It’s been a long time getting to this point with Gojo, but considering all things, you think, this might just be the beginning.
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thank you notes: i would also like to shoutout @stellamancer for leaving such lovely comments on dybil that it actually kinda pushed me to write this longer piece connected to it!!
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comments, tags, and reblogs are greatly appreciated ♡
#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#satoru x reader#satoru gojo x reader#gojo fluff#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk#satoru#shotorus.writes#oh my god i cant believe i finished this !!!!!!!#its a big one ... jhbfhsdbfja woops#shoutout to niku for being so supportive !!!#col
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੭୧ if i can't save you... . ۫
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chishiya shuntaro x g!n reader
— warnings: fluff, descriptions of typical aib violence, fits both manga and live action, one singular suggestive remark, no use of y/n.
— summary: you arrive from a particularly rough game to an almost empty beach, thankfully there's still a specific doctor awake to treat your wounds.
— word count: 2.4k
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your leg barely healed from the last game, and you had to play again already.
it was a wonder why there were so many people left in the borderlands. if it weren't for your high ranking on the beach's hierarchy and the minor hope you had to leave this world once all the cards were collected, you would have probably given up.
it was tiring and stressful. even though so many people were living life as if deathly games weren't waiting for them the next day, you just couldn't brush away the fear of a laser hitting you on the head out of nowhere or waking up with once again new rules to the games.
you waddled to the beach's main hall entrance with the few survivors from the game you played. the three of spades should have been easy, but even you underestimated it, getting scratched violently by a black panther in between. all that mattered was that you were alive, and soon the wound would heal itself like every other did (not really, your leg was full of dried blood, stopping the wounds from opening, but still in critical condition.)
all you had to do was go to your room, take a shower, and go to sleep. there was an executive meeting going on, but you were too unbothered to even care about the hatter's waste of time. you realized everyone you knew would be either sleeping, partying, or at the so-called meeting, which was more of a lecture.
while walking around the hotel rooms, you relished the quietness. it had been a while since you were able to rest, and all you needed was a bed and a pillow to pass out on. that was until a figure in a white jacket showed up in one of the corners of the hall.
"what the-!" you gasped, jumping back at the surprise and placing a hand almost immediately on your chest while trying to catch your breath. dramatic? maybe a little. but you did get scared at his sudden presence.
chishiya stood in place while staring at you. upon regaining your composure, you looked up and noticed he had his signature raised eyebrow look, and you felt the need to explain what went on. "i didn't expect to see you there. aren't you supposed to be at the meeting?"
in reality, you had never been that close to chishiya, apart from the usual small talk due to being both executive members. you had no idea what was going on inside his head at any moment; his expression was definitely unreadable. every time you two were placed together somewhere, the awkwardness made itself present. even if you'd try and engage in a little chat, he'd end it too quickly for you to feel stupid for even trying. if he knew your name, you would be surprised.
instead of answering, chishiya kept silent. usual, you thought to yourself. as your mind ran around looking for ways to end this awkward situation, chishiya's gaze seemed to be elsewhere. your eyes finally met his, but his didn't meet yours. instead, he fixed himself on your legs.
"you're bleeding," he said bluntly.
"oh..." you looked down at your own legs, bending slightly to take a look at the situation. your mouth opened agape once you noticed just how bad your wounds looked.
you didn't realize it the moment you got it, but the scratch from earlier must have messed up with some other of your past injuries, opening both of them up. a trail of blood was running down your legs, and as you glimpsed to the floor, you realized it was also stained by so. for how long has it been like this? you wondered.
"yes, i'll take care of it later..." you mumbled pathetically.
it was quite embarrassing to be in this position, especially in front of chishiya. for some reason, you always messed up your words when talking to him or anyone superior overall. maybe it was because you'd picture a whole dialogue in your mind before speaking, and when actually doing it, words came out messed up and switched.
you finally looked up with the stupidest expression on your face, realizing chishiya's eyebrow had only raised more. you bit your lip in embarrassment as he spoke up again. "if you take care of that the same way you did with your other wounds, you'd be better leaving it how it is."
if you could be more ashamed than you were, you would. perhaps he was just trying to get under your skin, but the only thing you wanted to do was get out of this situation.
you stood there awkwardly as your gaze never met his, unsure of what to say next. instead, he was the one to break the silence.
"follow me." he said after a sigh left his mouth.
and you did exactly so. or at least you tried. you noticed that chishiya didn't even bother to look behind to see if you were actually following, but you also noticed he was moving slower than he usually did, probably because he knew you could barely hold yourself on your own two feet. you weren't even sure how you knew how fast he normally walks.
your thoughts were interrupted as you realized he was actually taking you to his room. you knew this path like the back of your hand since you would always watch where he was going after the executive meetings. this was where you registered that you had been analyzing every single one of chishiya's movements without even knowing it. you probably looked like a creep as soon as you grasped it all.
chishiya opened the door to his room and finally looked at you, as well as at the trail of blood you left behind. something in his gaze — you could not understand what — changed as his movements hurried slightly.
"sit down in a comfortable position," he demanded with a voice that almost seemed caring, pointing to his bed.
you did as asked, although you struggled to be in a pleasant posture due to your legs almost opening apart.
this seemed all too weird to you. the chishiya that barely looked your way for more than five seconds was the same chishiya that was now leaving his suite with a first aid kit, seemingly prepared to treat your wounds without even asking.
"why are you doing this?" you couldn't help but interrogate. his latest actions were way too out of character, at least to the chishiya you made up in your mind.
"i was bored," he replied sarcastically, a tone of irony present in his voice. now this was more like the chishiya you knew, even though it was obvious that wasn't the real motive.
you wanted to keep smothering him with questions because your mind was way too confused to function properly, but your line of thought was put back as you saw him kneel before you and open the box he positioned on the bed. you would have folded and turned into a blushing mess right there and then, if it weren't for the agonizing pain that decided to come back.
you got a quick glimpse of what the box held: gauze roles, sterile gauze pads, eye pads, a roll of adhesive tape, elastic bandages, sterile cotton balls... your head started almost immediately hurting looking at all the utensils that you had barely any idea what did.
"relax. focus on staying awake." chishiya said it with that same voice from way before, tense but almost sweet. he gathered something on one of the cotton pads; you could not figure out what, as your mind almost went blank. "this will hurt."
and as he finished his sentence, not a single second was left for you to process as he started patting your wounds with it. you immediately hissed at the pain, tears threatening to spill from your eyes as you bit into your hand in a way to muffle your whimpers.
your head moved away from the scenario. even though you wanted to keep your eyes on such a focused chishiya, you would have probably passed out from looking at the amount of blood leaving your leg. especially now that, with the alcohol-coated cotton, which you developed a deep hatred for, he had removed the thin layer of dried blood left, securing your wounds.
he moved the piece of pad very quickly around your wounds, removing the blood as fast as he could, probably to make the process faster and less hurtful. the thing is that, if he were more patient, the pain would probably not be half as bad as it is right now. however, you were too dazed to tell him to be more gentle. tears finally ran down your cheeks as you did your best to keep one hand holding you on the bed and the other brushing them away and covering your mouth at the same time.
even through all the pain, your biggest worry was how stupid you probably looked in front of a guy who must have had something to do with the medical department — you assumed by the way he seemed so professional right now.
"calm down. the worst part is almost over." he said, not bothering to look up to guess that you were driving yourself crazy with tears from your whimpers and constant sniffling.
his words managed to comfort you for about 3 seconds, as he finally stopped moving the torturing device on your leg and you opened up your eyes, only to realize he was just picking up another one and coating it with alcohol once again.
before you could even process it, you audibly groaned in disapproval, almost forgetting who was just below you.
he suddenly stopped, his head finally lifting to look at you with that unbothered classical look, his mouth slightly open. you looked at him hesitantly, your eyes still coated with tears and your face somewhat puffy, quickly realizing your mistake.
"would you prefer for me to leave your leg as it is?" he said it with a superior tone. even though the sentence was formed as a question, you could tell he definitely didn't mean it as one. more like a reprimand.
"sorry..." you muttered under your breath, your eyes immediately drifting away from his, trying to avoid getting his confront once more.
he kept his eyes on you for a second before sighing and shaking his head, his attention going back to your leg as he started to move the cotton pad once again. you hissed between your teeth, your hand moving back to your mouth as you closed your eyes as strongly as you could to avoid any tears from spilling.
to your benefit, this part ended quickly as he finally finished cleaning your wounds. you sighed in relief, now only a sharp but endurable pain left on your leg as you finally relaxed your muscles until he spoke up again.
"your injuries aren't that serious. you were lucky you ran onto me." he commented, staring at his newly finished job. so much, it almost made your head hurt. "there is a specific cut that would normally need to be sewn together, though. however, we don't want to hear any more whining tonight, do we?"
his words traveled immediately to your heart, your face heating up for the nth time during this whole interaction, unable to even stare at him.
from this moment on, your mind just went somewhere else as he finished patching up your leg. you couldn't lie and say that by the time he was finished, you didn't feel much fresher and calmer, being able to look at your leg and see it coated in white instead of red.
he finally got up with a sigh and stored everything back into his first aid kit box, entering his suite and placing it back wherever he hid it.
"thank you; sorry if it was an inconvenience," you said in a low voice when he came back. your eyes stuck on your leg, moving it around as if you never had two functional limbs before.
he stared at you, seemingly having fun with your own stuff, with a smirk on his face that, if you had caught onto it, you would have died of embarrassment once again.
"now, be careful not to get wounded like that again." he commented, turning his back to you and moving around the bed, looking for something you didn't pay attention to on one of his shelves. "i might not be as gentle as i was this time."
you were brought back from the moon as he finished his sentence. that was him being gentle? you could practically hear the smirk on his face when he said that, but it still managed to get you thinking. you knew better than to complain, though.
"what were you before coming here?" you remembered wondering a few moments before, due to his skills in treating you. the question came out without thinking twice.
you could hear him stop while looking for whatever it was when you asked that, to which he answered quickly. "i studied medicine. i wasn't a doctor yet, though."
if chishiya could have gotten any hotter to you, he just did. you bit your lip, breaking your process of thinking before your thoughts led you elsewhere.
"that doesn't mean i wasn't smarter than most of the fools that call themselves doctors at the hospital i studied at."
there was that snarky response chishiya was missing, you thought. you turned around to see him, finally realizing that he was actually looking for something between his shirts. you tried to peek into it, but he suddenly pulled something out that looked like a soda can, with a few cables around it. he finally moved closer to you again, handing you the item.
"it's a bomb," he added, as you rolled it around your fingers, trying to figure out how it worked. "so you can be more prepared when playing. make sure not to use it on yourself."
he clearly meant the last part as a joke, but that was something that the percentage of happening wasn't zero, you had to admit. "thanks."
even though chishiya seemed stern, there was something about him that attracted you. and something that made him help you tonight, about which you still weren't sure, happened to make you more confused. you wondered about asking him again, but knowing the littlest bit about him would make you sure that he'd just avoid the question once again. at least your leg was patched up, and you could go to sleep peacefully tonight.
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— a/n: aaahh im debuting on this account... hope you guys like this little babble i made a few days ago. aib fever is back and i have a lot to say, might as well spill it out! i will make a masterlist soon enough. feel free to leave requests (if it's working) (╥﹏╥)
#୨୧ chishiyas love home <3#chishiya x reader#chishiya shuntaro#chishiya fluff#alice in borderland#chishiya x y/n#shuntaro chishiya#aib chishiya#chishiya x you#chishiya alice in borderland#chishiya x fem!reader#chishiya imagine#chishiya fanfic#nijiro murakami x reader#nijiro murakami#nijiro x reader#imawa no kuni no alice#alice in borderland x reader#aib x reader#aib x you#aib x y/n#aib#aib fandom#fanfic#fluff
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steal the thunder - I -
Pairing: Hajime Kashimo x fem!sorcerer!reader Word count: 5.8k Tags/warnings: no y/n; unhinged reader; manga spoilers (Culling Games + Perfect Preparation arcs); fight description; canon-typical violence; there will be eventual smut in the later parts fyi Summary: There's murder in the air – with the Culling Games underway, a simple task of finding an angel turns to a fight for life when you meet a certain, static and 400 years old sorcerer with cyan hair and wicked intentions.
Artwork by poro (poro06625649) on Twittter [source]; divider by @skylightlantern [source] For a better understanding of the reader's CE and CT, visit this Tumblr post.
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There's murder in the air – an unsettling undertone that pollutes the atmosphere. Gentle breeze carrying the metallic fragrance of blood within its currents.
The dockside keeps quiet. Sky clear, devoid of seagull calls. Walking by colossal steel shipping containers, stacked high, the scent persists. Clings to the air like a persistent specter. Each step accompanied by the gentle lap of waves against the pilings, their rhythmic cadence a stark contrast to the horrors you've seen.A soothing lullaby in the midst of chaos.
The maze-like layout of the quayside comes to an end when your muscles strain, lifting off the ground and landing atop the steel structure.
A giant panda comes into view. Its relaxed posture, perched on hindlimbs, contrasts with its impassive countenance as it gazes your way.
"Panda," you address what some might believe to be an actual animal; innocent, cute and completely harmless. Except for this Cursed Corpse – your subordinate – is none of those things.
He fixes you with your very name; a disturbing familiarity in his eyes, then the words escape his lips.
"The smell of blood's so thick," he voices as you draw near, words cutting through the tension. "There must be about three people dismembered here–"
You hold up two fingers, the other hand nestled in your pocket.
"Two actually," you intervene, voice a measured interruption, "walked past a man with a hole the size of a soccer ball in his chest."
The memory resurfaces – the sight of the man, head drooping, neck bent at an unnatural angle. Eerie web-like burns sprawled across his bare flesh. The smell of singed skin and ozone hangs in the air, a pungent reminder. Yet, it's not just that which jolts your senses. It's the residual static of someone's cursed energy, an unsettling presence that lingers.
"But that's not what troubles me," continuing, you stand next to Panda, arms now crossed as both of you watch the lifeless skies, "something bad's here. I tried following the remnants of the cursed energy of the perpetrator but it was very faint."
"Could be an expert who can turn their cursed energy on and off at will…" Panda thinks out loud.
You let the idea sit for a second. Could it be the case? Could someone in this colony be capable of doing it? Known, registered sorcerers are absent here. The majority are newly awakened, scarcely equipped to comprehend a sophisticated notion like this. And why would they feel the need to hide their cursed energy?
No.
Dismissing your doubts, you shake your head and stride toward the edge of the shipping container.
"Don't think so. Nevertheless, we're here to find that angel girl and negotiate with her." Stepping onto the container's edge, unfazed by the high drop; balancing skillfully, you extend one leg over the edge, about to step into empty space. In a seamless motion, you touch down on the solid concrete ground below.
Panda follows suit, rolling off the shipping container with agility, landing right beside you. Then he stands, an odd combination of human-like stance and panda appearance, more akin to a person in a panda costume than an actual animal.
"Our safest bet is to leave the docks. Fast. Just play pretend, avoid any unnecessary conflicts and make it out of this colony in one piec–"
The sentence's left hanging as a sudden shift in the atmosphere catches your attention. Panda falls on all fours, frozen still.
"Ah," a deeper, resonant voice rumbles from your right, the words echoing as the familiar sensation washes over you. A sudden buzz inside your mind, an abrupt surge of awareness regarding another sorcerer's presence. Heart mirroring the rapid flutter of a startled bird's wings.
Their cursed energy, concealed and latent, manages to evoke an almost primal response within you. A sense of fight or flight.
You pivot to face the uninvited presence before you.
A cascade of hair, vivid as a robin's egg and kissed by the hues of a clear summer sky, is gathered into twin buns atop his head while tendrils of untamed locks dance freely in the breeze, resembling a stormy sea. Longer bangs frame the contours of his face, softening his visage.
He stops when his eyes – the same uncanny shade as his hair – bore into yours. Carrying what you'd guess is a Nyoi staff slung over his shoulder, he stands at a slight angle. Excludes casual confidence, a sense of poised readiness.
"Another one," he breaks the silence. You stand your ground in response to his observation.
"Not interested in a fight," you remark, hands risen in a defensive gesture. Yet you don't dare take your eyes off the sorcerer. Ready and composed.
Panda, ostensibly cautious, inches closer to you, fur bristling in sync with his unease towards the newcomer's presence. The air tightens, charged with the unspoken potential for violence.
"Kogane," he calls out to the shikigami, summoning it like a wisp from the aether; the small creature materializes, its hue the shade of a serene lake, light and amicable as it floats near his head, "is the panda a player too?"
The shikigami screeches its answer, its words setting everything in motion.
"Indeed!! A player! Yep!!"
"That's a function," your pondering voice meets a forced silence. The state of perturbed ambiance vanishing as your thoughts are cut off.
A flesh of white. Empty space occupies the spot where the sorcerer was standing less than a second ago.
You sense his presence before your eyes even settle on his countenance; his eyes, framed with short zig-zag lines reminiscent of lightning bolts underneath them, a furious cauldron of murderous excitement as they lock onto yours. They widen with a manic intensity. An undertone of madness lurking deep within their depths.
A predator's gaze fixated on its prey.
In a heart-stopping moment, time stands still. The world around you fades into a blur as a primal instinct takes over. Your body reacts; a precision born of pure reflex – muscles coiled like springs, you counter his attack with a swift and calculated movement.
His volatile energy crackles in the air. Your hands snap up. Fingers attempting to curl around his bandaged forearm. Channeling your cursed energy to your clavicles, the place where his palm lays flat against you –
But your reactions prove inadequate. You're too slow. A shocking speed and heavy push; a surge of force is sent through your body, catching you off-guard. The ground beneath you becomes a temporary adversary. Your balance disrupted as you're sent flying backward.
Back colliding with the hard, metal steel of a shipping container – you watch in horror as the sorcerer mercilessly attacks Panda. Using his staff as a weapon. With unnatural speed and agility, Panda struggles against him; his valiant resistance a testament to his determination, his form a blur of motion as he evades the sorcerer's attacks and manages a few good blows of his own.
Your body feels light. A tingling sensation surging through your veins. Electric current's rushing beneath your skin, setting your pulse racing and your focus to a razor's edge. The metallic taste of blood floods your mouth. Mingles with the adrenaline in your body. Every nerve firing in response to the raw energy pulsing through your body.
It hits you then–
"Heh, electricity," you mumble, the word slipping from your lips as you raise your palms, clenching your fists. Feeling the tingling in the tips of your fingers. The slight buzzing in your ears.
–his cursed energy has a special trait. One certainly hard to defend against.
Barely seconds have passed since your body was forced to rest against the ground. It still feels too long with Panda barely matching the man's speed and force.
Gritting your teeth, the urgency of the situation anchors you, overriding any pain or disorientation as you fight to regain your footing. A sense of pride fills you when you watch Panda use his technique, striking the sorcerer with enough force that'll easily knock him out cold. One of Panda's winning moves.
Except it doesn't.
"Nice one," the man's voice rings out. A taut smirk playing at the corner of his lips. Your teeth clench, disbelief intertwining with unease as you watch. With a predominated precision, the sorcerer maneuvers his staff, entwining it with Panda's arm in a smooth motion that catches you off guard.
Exerting a forceful pull, he forces a grimace from Panda. Right arm caught in the vice-like grip, a sickening crack underscores the moment. Followed by the nauseating sensation of Panda's arm being torn from his body. Violently. And mercilessly.
Panda stumbles. Pain and agony escaping in a cry. The sorcerer doesn't waste a second. Hurls the arm back at Panda, using the momentum to charge forward. Palm aiming flat against his chest, he sends Panda flying backward – the same way he did to you. Causing your junior to experience a similar sensation to yours.
The cyan-haired man straightens, seemingly relaxing, already content with winning the fight.
"But I'm not impressed," he taunts, words an ominous echo of the violence just unleashed, "It's too ordinary."
Feeling the concrete beneath your feet, you take deliberate steps forward. With an inkling of Panda's potential strategy, you expel the pooled blood from your mouth, spitting it onto the ground.
"...Sukuna, you know where he is?" The man's words flow, attention diverted, ignorant of your presence.
A fortunate circumstance.
"No clue," Panda responds. His reply burdened with weariness and defeat; yet his gaze remained fixed on you, a silent exchange of understanding passing between you as you position yourself, tension radiating from his weary form.
The sorcerer scoffs; a contemptuous tilt of his head, a gesture laden with superiority. "Sounds like you know something, then," he snarls, his grip on the staff constricting as his fist clenches, "Spit it out. I'll be merciful."
With the sorcerer's back turned you raise your arm. Your gaze remains fixed upon the convergence point of the two delicate lines, their path crossing at the very heart of the expanse that's the upper part of his broad back.
"I won't be," you declare; voice carrying a firm tone. A deft flick of your wrist – the current of cursed energy takes the desired shape before it's hurled toward your target. Slashing the air in front of you, aimed right at him.
His gaze veers to the side. And in a fraction of a heartbeat, he moves; executing a skillful sidestep. Body positioned to face you from the side, both hands now gripping his staff, aiming it at you; a glint of fervor ignites his eyes as they widen, locked onto the shipping container stationed behind Panda. The unforgiving force of your attack rends the shipping container apart, leaving two gaping slashes that could bisect a man.
You don't give him time to react properly.
The moment blood begins to stain his white robe crimson red from the nick on his shoulder, you lunge forward. Like a bull being waved a red flag. Feet imbued with your cursed energy, reinforced to ensure protection.
As you close the distance at a breakneck pace, you sense the distinct composition of his cursed energy. With your fingers curled around the staff, your eyes meet his, a faint grin playing at the corners of your mouth as you tug on his weapon with your full body weight. Lifting your legs off the ground, you use the staff as a fulcrum. His body feels resilient, akin to forged steel, against the soles of your shoes.
With the potency of your cursed technique coursing through your strike, the man is propelled backward, his body hurtling through the air. The Nyoi staff clings to the concrete. Left untouched upon the impact.
Flying through a shipping container, he quickly finds his footing. Stance shifting in response to your aerial maneuver. Legs splayed to establish a firm foundation, you focus your intent on targeting his jaw. Fists charged with cursed energy, you hit once; knowing how troublesome the push-and-pull effect of your technique feels once your flesh makes contact–
"Not bad," he manages to spit out, the corner of his lip stained red. A smile tugs at the corner of his lip as you sprint toward him.
The surroundings blur into a muddled backdrop, irrelevant in your unwavering concentration. The sorcerer becomes the sole axis, a focal point in a world that seems to slow to a crawl, even though only a fraction of a second has passed.
The tip of your foot touches his; a mere whisper of contact between two opposing forces.
"Not bad at all."
–he counterattacks. Hand darts forward. Grabs your wrist. With an economy of motion, he employs your own momentum against you. His grip becomes a pivot, briefly throwing you off-balance, diverting your forward surge into an unexpected spiral.
Fluidity. That's how you'd characterize his movements. A seamless transition from being a passive target to an active agent.
His chest brushes against your back as his right hand remains locked around your right wrist. Single-handedly swinging your body like a marionette, you exploit the vulnerability of your position. Using his grip as leverage to move backward, simultaneously grabbing hold of his bandaged left forearm and pulling. Crashing your body into his, redirecting the movement into a collision.
With a potent surge of intention, you force the prepared rejection and attraction effect within your clenched fist, propelling it like a bolt toward the rear of your skull. Teeth gritted, you throw your head back.
Crack.
He stifles a groan, a step taken back but footing resolute. A red trail paints his nose as you swivel to confront him. Pausing briefly to charge your energy again, you grant him a moment to speak. His expression freezes as he locks eyes with you
"You," he speaks up, his voice textured with the tang of iron as his tongue grazes his lips, "Have we met before?"
With your hand still tingling, the ripples of sensation spread up your arm, an electric current tracing a pattern beneath your skin. Your head sways subtly, dispelling the notion of a previous encounter. "Unlikely. You'd be history."
A chuckle dances from his lips, a response to your retort. "What's your name then?"
You share it deliberately, each syllable a measured beat in your dance around one another. He nods, his head tilting with self-assured grace. It's then that he takes his stance – feet planted firmly, palms outstretched, a grin playing on his lips.
"The name's Hajime Kashimo."
The words hang, a telltale echo–
Hajime Kashimo.
–recognition snaps into place when you repeat his name in your mind.
The Hajime Kashimo, the sorcerer whose score reaches a hundred points; a mark that sets him apart from any other Culling game player (except for the intricate Hiromi Higuruma). Hakari's elusive target.
And here, right before you, stands the man himself.
"Hey," you call out, a new determination blossoming, your stance embracing the challenge; retreat is no longer a consideration, "if I beat you, can I get your points?"
The corners of Kashimo's lips twitch, smile fading like a wisp of smoke carried away by the wind. Expression blank, with only his brows furrowed as he responds, "Sure, but you tell me everything y'know about Sukuna," his voice lowered to a dangerous undertone, a velvet threat veiled in words, "that is–if you're still alive."
He charges then. Doesn't spare a single consideration. The air crackles with tension as his presence engulfs you. His hands make contact – not with fists or strikes – but with the calculated pressure of his open palms. You feel the weight of his touch on your skin. Pressure on your left, then on your right ribcage.
"Don't disappoint me now," breath tickles your ear, voice a tantalizing, dangerous melody. His fingers anchor firmly onto your right shoulder, an assertive grip that both commands and unsettles, while his other hand exerts a calculated force on your left shoulder guard, propelling you into a spin.
Your training surges forth, a symphony of muscle memory and instinct harmonizing within you. With the resilience born of countless battles, you swiftly adapt your stance, shifting your weight to face him.
An annoyed huff leaves your now-bruised lips. You channel your own cursed energy, a torrent of power surging through your veins.
Detain an attack when it comes,–
Knees bending, body swaying to evade the incoming fist; your left hand grips his left wrist, fingers tightening with determination, followed by your right driving into its intended mark.
–and send it away when it retreats.
Your palm meets the solid plane of his chest with a resonant thud; pushes and then pulls him back to you before sending him away again; successfully pushing back against Kashimo's pressure. It's a momentary reprieve. One that sends the sorcerer tumbling back, makes him roll on the ground, lending on one knee.
"Here I thought we were just getting started," you quip with a hint of playfulness amidst the dance of combat. Moving swiftly towards the target. As Kashimo's force ebbs, you seize the opportunity, your muscles coiling like springs.
"You're getting me–" he barely makes it back to his feet before you're at him again. With enough cursed energy imbued into your foot, utilizing the momentum of your motion, leg rising up in a calculated kick – only for Kashimo to shift; a fraction of movement that proves decisive. His arm weaves beneath the arc of your thigh, a sinuous and serpentine maneuver that seeks to entwine and subdue. As his grasp tightens, his fingers snake around your throat, lifting you from the ground, suspending you momentarily.
"–quite excited," he concludes, his voice tinged with an eerie excitement.
Once the hand is freed from contact,–
A heartbeat's pause feels like an eternity. With your legs rendered weightless and no stable ground beneath you. Despite the vulnerable position, your mind remains steadfast, honing in on Kashimo's Achilles heel. His hands are preoccupied, his grasp unwavering but his neck and face exposed.
–carry out a strike with it.
Seizing the opportunity, you make the most of the opening. Your palms press against the sharp contours of his cheeks, each hand finding its place on one side of his face. In one swift and deliberate motion, you channel the wellspring of cursed energy that resides within you into your technique. The currents of your energy converge between your palms, weaving a tapestry of arcane force that manifests as a palpable vacuum, centered precisely where his head rests.
It's an intentional manipulation. One – if done right, that is – could even lead to a cataclysmic implosion. A violent severing of life from the body. But you don't want to kill him; not yet at least. You need the points. And so, you temper your approach, exerting only the necessary amount of energy to induce a sensation of compression.
As the feeling envelops him, Kashimo's expression shifts, a flicker of realization that dances within his eyes. He instinctively withdraws. Bandaged forearms push at your body, sending you hurtling backward; a testament to his strength and strategic finesse.
"You cheeky little thing," a bead of blood traces a path from the corner of his eye. At the same time, another droplet emerges from his nose.
This time it's him who doesn't let you regain enough control as he charges at you. His approach swift and unrelenting. The tables are constantly turning – now being his time to dictate the tempo.
Another dance of offense and defense plays out as the two of you clash once again. Each move a deliberate response to the other's actions.
Chase the movement of the opponent–
As the flurry of his strikes slices through the air, you find yourself navigating the ebb and flow with a synchronicity that borders on the sublime. With a hawk-like focus, you track the trajectory of his hand, your senses attuned to his every motion.
While his hits continue to swing through both empty space and meeting your body, a fleeting opportunity presents itself. With the precision of a seasoned sorcerer, you follow the path of his hand with your own, fingers closing around his forearm as it narrowly misses your cheekbone, the other digging into the open slash wound on his shoulder.
–to continue the attack.
It earns you a hiss. A "Tsk," coming from his damaged lips.
One fluid motion; one that belies your strength. You capitalize on the momentum of his own swing, utilizing your grip to exert control. Your foot surges forward with unbridled force, the sole of your shoe connecting with the vulnerable juncture of his knee.
Kashimo's reflexes kick in as he instinctively leaps back the moment your foot makes contact with his leg. His visage bears the marks of battle, a canvas adorned with streaks of red, the vestiges of blood from the prior exchange. A mirror to his appearance, your own face likely reflects a similar narrative. Marked by the intensity of the confrontation. By his pure, physical prowess. One that, even if you use all your cursed energy, you're certain you couldn't match.
The shadows of weariness begin to cast their subtle touch on you. A weight that tempers your movements and shadows the clarity of your thoughts. Each calculated step, each strategic strike, seems to bear an additional burden now.
Still, resolute, your unwavering determination fixated on Kashimo, persevering in the face of creeping exhaustion.
Then you take off.
With a surge of action, you propel yourself into motion. Pivoting on your heel, you sprint toward the towering container crane a mere few meters behind. Kashimo's quick thinking registers in the corner of your vision—a flash of white on your right, drawing nearer.
"Running so soon?"
His taunting words reach you.
"Just limbering up," you reply. Muscles tensing, you feel his energy almost brushing against your own. So, with a leap, you vault into the air. Fingers curling around your ankle.
Time seems to slow as Kashimo's grip tightens around your ankle, his fingers like a vice attempting to anchor you to the ground. The world spins around you, the crane's towering structure becoming a blur as your body is abruptly yanked back, denied the freedom of flight.
Instinct kicks in, your mind racing to find a solution. With a swift twist of your body, you channel the energy within, your cursed power surging to your fingertips. A burst of force courses through your arm, the concentrated energy propelling your free leg forward in a powerful kick. Your heel connects with Kashimo's face, the impact forcing his grip to release.
In the split second of regained freedom, your body soars toward the container crane.
Muscles strained, you manage to grab hold of a protruding metal edge, fingers gripping with an iron determination. The harsh clang of metal meeting metal reverberates through the air as your body comes to a halt, swinging slightly from the momentum before you propel yourself higher onto the structure.
A smirk tugs at the corners of your lips. The distance between you and Kashimo now a tangible reminder of your evasion. His frustrated gaze meets yours, the tension between you electric and palpable.
"Nice try," you retort, voice laced with a mixture of weariness and defiance. There's an undeniable satisfaction in defying his grasp, in proving your prowess even amid exhaustion. Without wasting a moment longer, you hoist yourself up more, using the crane's structure to propel your body upward. Your form melds with the steel as you ascend, a maneuver to gain the vantage point.
Gotta limit his movement to the minimum.
Kashimo's expression shifts, a glint of admiration piercing through his irritation. "Impressive," he concedes, the words carrying an unexpected note of respect, "but you can't run from me."
He follows your lead. The two of you ascending the crane in a synchronized rhythm
"I told you, Kashimo–," you declare, your voice echoing between the steel beams as you reach the crane's zenith, standing face to face on the narrowest edge.
Now standing face to face on the crane's uppermost beam, the narrow back reach providing only small support. Your breath heaves, each inhalation a reminder of the intense exertion. Across from you, Kashimo's gaze remains fixed upon you, his expression deceptively relaxed.
"–that I'm only stretching."
His eyes, however, tell a different story – a depth of focus that cuts through your form. Anchoring onto you with an unwavering intensity.
A mournful melody weaves through the metal lattice, the wind's haunting whistle creating an eerie harmony with the tension in the air. The gusts playfully tousle both your hair in the process. You steady yourself into a stance, your body a testament to both resilience and purpose.
"Plus I want those points," you remark, a hint of determination coloring your words.
It's then that you charge — cursed energy flowing through your body like currents of compressed emptiness. A void. Unyielding. Relentless. And pneumatic.
With a flick of your wrist, you send it slicing through the air. A blade of nothing. A thin line etches across his chest, traversing from ribcage to his already wounded shoulder — a mark of your earlier endeavor. Nowhere to dodge now that he's standing between two metal beams.
Or so you thought.
Kashimo charges. The white of his robe tainted with scarlet. The cut isn't deep.
He must've reinforced his cursed energy.
"Tsk," you utter. A flicker of irritation crosses your features. Agitated. With waning stamina, the dwindling reservoir of cursed energy depleted by your previous usage; this could've been your last-ditch effort.
The final move.
And it failed.
It makes him smile. A sinister twist of lips that morphs into a grin. Moving fast, his expression resembles one of a predator closing in on its prey. The ruby stain on his robe seems to accentuate his aura of danger, a stark contrast to the pristine white it once was.
As your body contorts and arches backward, you skillfully evade the incoming fist aimed at your face. Your unwavering gaze remains locked onto his intense stare. With your palm pressed flat against the ground of the crane, you swiftly raise your leg, delivering a targeted strike to the meat of his thigh.
But before your maneuver can fully unfold, his hand seizes your ankle, pulling you towards him and locking your leg in place as he maneuvers over your body. Kashimo's grin widens, a predatory glint in his eyes that triggers a ripple of unease down your spine.
As his fist whizzes past your face, you seize the opportune moment to mount a counterattack. His fingers, still harshly locked around your right ankle, you push and pull against his grasp. Leg successfully moving to close over his thigh, the other hooking around his hip.
Legs now firmly encircling his waist, you use every ounce of your strength to push. Destabilize the sorcerer. Break his foundation. Disrupt his equilibrium.
The outcome? Both of you soaring through the air and down the crane. Kashimo's form aligns perfectly with the approaching solidity of the dockside concrete.
A rapid free fall, gravity's pull unrelenting.
If you're not getting the points, he's not getting his answers either.
His eyes momentarily flit to the ground below. Unspoken recognition of the shared peril that binds you both. The realization dawns in his eyes, widening them momentarily, before his gaze settles onto your face once more – unimpressed. Jaded.
"Oops," you jest under your breath, fingers finding purchase on the fabric of his torn clothes. An unhinged smile on your lips, eyebrows lifting in a mix of audacity and exhilaration. The wind sweeps through, rustling your hair with a cool caress that contrasts starkly with the warm stickiness of blood on your skin.
"It's accumulated enough."
That's the only forewarning you get. In an instant, the atmosphere shifts; an electrifying tension that dances along your skin. You sense the already familiar tingling as the static charges from the man beneath you. Kashimo's cursed energy now gaining intensity.
His open hand thrusts towards your face, a surge of energy gathering at his fingertips. Only to get countered by your own palm. Flat against each other. Forcing a focal point of energy converges and resistance to form. As the push effect comes into play just in time with waves of electricity.
The crackling intensity escalates, its tendrils reaching out with an insatiable hunger. Only to be pushed back by your own manipulation acting as a steadfast wall. It's a symphony of sensations — the tingling of your skin, the hum of power in the air, the gradual crescendo of pressure between your palms. The vortex throbs and pulses, a living embodiment of the forces you both wield.
The thing is – The conductivity of the vacuum…depending on how you look at it, it behaves in two different ways:
Firstly, when you examine the motion of charged particles with a constant velocity within a vacuum, you encounter an interesting phenomenon. Unlike in other mediums, there is no opposing force acting against these particles. Consequently, maintaining a steady current across any surface within a vacuum demands no additional effort.
However, a contrasting phenomenon manifests when we consider the existence of free charges within conductors. When an electric field, denoted as E, is imposed upon a conductor, it triggers a flow of electric current. This internal charge movement gives rise to a current density described by the equation: J = σE, where σ symbolizes the conductivity of the material. Notably, within a vacuum, σ assumes a value of 0; hence, electric fields lack the capacity to spontaneously induce current flow.
In this context, the vacuum departs from the role of a conductor. Even materials known as insulators, which typically restrict the flow of current, possess conductivity values that are low but not completely absent.
As a result, the resistance exhibited by a vacuum effectively amounts to infinity—particularly when you define resistance through the lens of how charge carriers in a substance respond. Viewed from this perspective, you could liken the vacuum to an insulator, given the absence of charge carriers that are essential for the propagation of electric current.
So in the end, your innate ability functions like an antistatic force.
It should be enough to counter his attack. Neutralizing his endeavor and ricocheting it back to him. Only if his other hand, clenched into a fist, suddenly hasn't entered your line of sight, aiming for your jaw.
The controlled push-only effect falters. Then crumbles. The void's pull reclaims all that Kashimo had imparted, drawing it back with an insatiable greed.
"Damn you." It now comes down to the last aspect of your technique.
Implosion.
The energies within your vacuum field converge, collapsing inwards with a blinding intensity. A jarring impact against the back of your head – or it might be the ending of your fall. Everything's just confusing. Everything blurs into a disorienting haze of continuous events.
The unforgiving touch of concrete grates against your scraped back. Each breath, now shallow and ragged, causes pain.
Above, the sky stretches wide and boundless. Until the sight is blocked by a mop of cerulean blue hair. Two buns somehow still in place. Same-colored eyes staring at your form. Arms folded and a countenance marred by bloodstains and scrapes. Each leg positioned on either side of your hips before one presses against the flat of your clavicles.
"You're quite durable," Kashimo retorts, pushing his weight down on you, "that should've killed you right there."
"Heh," you manage a wry chuckle, your voice strained but defiant, "guess I'm full of surprises."
He raises an eyebrow, a flicker of almost-amusement dancing in his eyes. The world around you seems to blur at the edges, the strain of the plummet combined with the failed attempt of your innate technique taking a heavy toll on your senses.
"It's been a while since I've encountered someone who can keep me on my toes this long. Now tell me," your name rolls off his tongue in a taunting lilt, "where's Sukuna?"
The distant sounds of the dockside begin to fade, replaced by an eerie emptiness. Despite your unwavering determination, a tide of dizziness threatens to engulf you, and you struggle to maintain your focus on Kashimo's face.
"On vaca–"
The weight on your chest vanishes abruptly. Kashimo's foot makes fleeting contact with your cheek before returning to its original place.
"Don't play with me. Spit it out."
"Oi," a voice calls to your right. A voice you know; Hakari's, "It's not very chivalrous to strike a lady like that."
From here, everything dissolves into darkness.
The world sways, a disorienting dance of shadows and sensations. Light pressure settles on your stomach with sounds echoing faintly in the distance. A gentle, steady rhythm envelops you as if you're being cradled in a cocoon of safety. Your limbs feel weightless, as though the ground beneath you has transformed into a soft cloud that carries your burdens away.
Your mind struggles to tether itself to the present, grappling with the fragments of consciousness that slip through your grasp. Colors blur, merging into a hazy kaleidoscope of fleeting images. The arms that encircle you exude warmth thought. One that lulls you back to sleep.
Yet you manage to summon the strength to part your heavy eyelids. Through the haze, you see a blur of black and white on top of you. Head resting upon something firm and solid – a breastplate, you realize. The rhythmic cadence that envelops you is accompanied by the subtle rise and fall of breath, a heartbeat that resonates beneath your cheek.
"Panda," you murmur, voice a tentative whisper as you attempt to comprehend whether or not you're dreaming, considering the creature on you is now a size of an actual teddy bear.
The toy-sized Panda remains seated on you but looks your way, emitting a surprised yelp at the sound of your voice, before swiftly turning his gaze forward again, "Hakari, she's awake!"
Your vision – still blurred – manages to trace a figure walking at the edge of your peripheral sight – left arm missing, shirt gone (he's shirtless, you discern), and crowned with purple hair. Hakari. But if Hakari's walking in front of you. Then…
Lifting your eyes, you suddenly lock onto a fleeting sight of vibrant cyan hair. The once-pristine white attire now soaked and marred with splotches of vivid red, creating an unsettling contrast. Your heart skips a beat as the realization dawns upon you.
It's Kashimo who bears the weight of your limp form.
"She's gonna pass out soon again," his voice carries vibrations that travel from his chest to your cheek with his gaze fixed upon you.
And he's right as your body, weary and battered, succumbs once more to the embrace of slumber.
#moni writes#hajime kashimo#hajime kashimo x reader#kashimo x reader#hajime x reader#jujutsu kaisen#hajime kashimo x y/n#hajime x y/n#kashimo x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jjk imagines#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen fanfic
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Why does everyone treat Hawks having always been an assassin as canon? I know he was brought in as a replacement for Nagant but as far as I’m aware there’s no actual proof he killed anyone before twice
You're right! We've never been explicitly told he has a kill-count of anything but 1 (rip Jin). However (honestly you knew this would make me actually write, didn't you?)....
1. The HSPC has changed (somewhat)
It's spelled out to us that Madame Prez wasn't like her predecessor. Her methods weren't as brutal, she was way into a war of information. In some ways, crueler. Kaina wasn't executed - instead she had her hair shorn and was defamed, humiliated.
Nagant assumes Keigo has been used like her. Horikoshi says Madame Prez groomed Keigo from a much earlier age than the middle school-aged Kaina so he had way less ability to leave or question (additionally, he was so sheltered from society and marginalized that he simply would have been incapable until he was an adult).
This is what the story says outright. So, yes, you're right - everything else is speculation. But then the question is why people believe this is canon outside of the typical abysmal literacy found in this fandom?
2. But Hawks being Hawks doesn't Make It Easier
Truth be told, I'm on your side. I used to very much doubt he had much of a body/kill count. I still think it might be single digits if we consider actually murdering someone with his own hands/quirk, though I suspect he might be responsible for deaths in other ways. I would have completely accepted Jin being his first (and only at this point) murder.
So why did I change my mind about this? Simply; Keigo's a fucking freak. I say this with love.
Every so often Keigo says or does something in this manga that both confirms he's kind of insane and in a very different moral space than everyone else, and just off-handedly mentioning he went and, after being subjected to third degree burns and essentially losing limbs, immediately went to eliminate every last sample even after the battle (where he was carried off by Tokoyami mind you) as in....destroying Jin's body or ensuring no one can use it. He's offended when it's clear Dabi got the better of him with this.
Mind you, he's the world champion at repressing his feelings, duh, but the fascinating way he speaks about this (a minute after screaming they NEED TO KILL JIN AGAIN) speaks volumes. Keigo's completely undaunted about handling death and its aftermath. If he's never killed before, he's been certainly trained to in a way that he handles it professionally.
There's one more thing that makes me think Keigo did kill before Jin. We can argue over how much Keigo hesitated killing Jin, but I think it's a point in that he did in how much he ABSOLUTELY does not with All For One.
Like he does not hesitate. Immediately tries to put a feather-knife through his brain. Logically, I mean, I think anyone would try to one-shot AFO because the more time the man that has (until he rewound himself) the more time he has to fuck you up, but still. He tries to stab through his man's head as soon as he gets out of the portal.
Here's Keigo just admitting it, albeit saying he expected it wouldn't work, but really, he's more apologizing he can't immediately kill this man.
No hesitance.
My final piece of evidence is that Keigo is currently walking around Japan in a suit with a katana begging mfers to "try it bitch". Like being quirkless, not a hero, none of that is stopping him if he needs to defend himself. And it's not like he can pin someone away with his feathers. Nor does he have dozens of daggers at his disposal anymore, just one blade. He's the type to try and finish things quickly as the manga has shown time and time again. I really hope no one actually tries to assassinate him because there's an extreme likelihood he'll just decapitate them in the SPC boardroom.
3. Red, Red Hands
To recap, we know Keigo has been trained to kill, in a multitude of ways (and not only with his quirk), and has always seen killing as option/tool he can use. The HSPC might not be as eager to kill as Kaina's era was, but they raised Keigo with the intent to use him to be able to kill people and cover it up. While there's no proof of other murders, there's proof he's been given the training, tools, and expectation to kill. And his attitude towards killing isn't making it seem like he's not done it before. Of course, he's not agonizing over it like Kaina, which makes me think he was used sparingly to kill.
But the other thing to ask is - will Keigo continue to kill (and not like in personal defense) or lead to the deaths of others? He's already set on reforming the Public Safety Commission by allowing for the reform of Villains who cooperate, renaming the Commission to distance itself from solely heroism... We're still a few chapters away of seeing what this new president has in store for society and how he'll distinguish his methods from the people who created him, but we also have two hundred and fifty chapters of him expressing dislike of how he's used, so perhaps it's fair to say he's not continuing the cycle?
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the slow surrender
pairing: Chishiya Shuntaro & Reader
reader's race & gender are ambiguous; no pronouns or physical descriptors are used.
“Number 10.” You quickly turn around, only to find Chishiya—the No. 11 player from the Beach. There's a note of something unreadable in his voice; his hands are shoved in his pockets as he takes a leisurely step forward. “The deserter.”
word count: 2.4k | ao3 version | chishiya playlist
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warnings: Alice in Borderland manga spoilers; canon-typical violence, existentialism
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author's notes: Chishiya/Reader is the focus of this fic, but there’s nothing explicitly romantic. I mean… canonically, he hardly has any feelings, so it felt out of character to write anything too crazy. Leaning heavily on the "Strangers to Begrudging Allies" theme here.
Look at this man and tell me he isn’t 100% gay, though. YOU CAN’T. This fic's really for the gays and theys.
The title of this fic is from Should I by Sir Chloe, because I'm obsessed with their music.
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Since the moment you first arrived in the Borderlands, you have given yourself one rule: keep other players at a distance. You arrived to this strange land alone; and, if things go according to plan, you will leave alone, too. In the Borderlands, friends are nothing more than a hindrance. And you were quickly convinced of this fact after emerging from your first game, 2♥, entirely alone.
But then you hear whispers. At your fourth game, 4♣, you manage to overhear a conversation between a group of four players, who made reference to a place called ‘the Beach.’ You were equally curious and wary; you didn’t exactly want to trust other players, but you also knew getting more information would give you an advantage in the coming games. With that in mind, after you completed 4♣, you started looking for this ‘Beach.’
Unsurprisingly, your journey was not exactly straightforward. It took you a few days of searching to find a map of Tokyo, and subsequently realize that ‘the Beach’ wasn’t genuinely a beach, but instead a hotel called Tama Pacific Beach. The moment your eyes found the hotel, you knew it was the place you heard about.
You only wish it was a little less… Well. It’s hard to organize your thoughts as you stare at the sprawling hotel. The sparkling waters of the swimming pool glitter in the mid-morning sunlight; people lounge about on beach chairs and soak up the sun; there’s the faint hum of music filling the air. One thing’s for sure: this place doesn’t look like it belongs in the Borderlands. It’s everything you didn’t expect: there’s laughter, joy, amusement, sloth, gluttony. It’s some sort of dreamscape, away from the reality of the games.
Your arrival doesn’t go unnoticed, however, and you’re soon given a tour of the building by the No. 1 ranked player, Hatter. You learn almost an overwhelming amount of information in a short span of time. First, players are ranked according to their skill level and participation in games. The top nine players are considered “Executives” and given more authority. Then, each night, players are sorted into optimized groups according to their speciality and sent to finish games. Next, every new card earned upon the completion of a game must be given to the No. 1 ranked player. The No 1. ranked player will collect all 51 playing cards and, according to Hatter, be able to escape the Borderlands. (You’re very skeptical about that part.)
It’s frighteningly easy to ascertain the truth of the Beach. Players are lured in with the promise of security, entirely unaware that they will be exploited for their playing cards. From there, they’re free to live a life of “luxury” while being occasionally called upon to complete games. Assuming they don’t die, they will slowly rise through the ranks of the Beach. It’s all a rather transparent ploy. Yet… you fell for it, didn’t you? Now you’re trapped here with no real means of escape. After all, the third rule of the Beach—“Death to all traitors”—was established to prevent people from leaving.
And while you have no desire to stay any longer than you need to, you know escape will be a dangerous and difficult affair. Just a simple stroll along the boardwalk is enough to confirm that the players are serious about the third rule: corpses are piled up so high that they nearly block the water’s flow. It’s a sickening sight that reminds you of the cruelty lying hidden underneath this utopia.
You have no choice but to play along. And, for a while, you do. You participate in games when you’re assigned to them; you comply with the rules of the Beach; and you keep your head down. Slowly but surely, you ascend the ranks of the players. Your victory in the 8♥ game is particularly impactful; as the only remaining survivor of the group, you quickly shoot up the ranks to find yourself at the No. 10 rank. And while that attracts some attention, after that, you make sure to be as forgettable as possible. You fade to the background in any subsequent games you’re called to play in. You make sure to keep to yourself. You don’t speak to anyone. You avoid leaving your room whenever possible. And slowly but surely, people start to forget about you.
Still, you need a more concrete plan of escape. In an ideal world, you’d make off with the stash of playing cards before leaving. That kind of thing would be possible if you were No. 9 or higher. But since you’re not an Executive rank, you don’t have access to the penthouse where the cards are kept. Although, if your suspicions are correct… the playing cards aren’t nearly as important as they’re said to be. After all, Hatter was the only one to assert that they were the key to escaping the Borderlands. There is no one else to verify his claims. And you get the feeling the cards aren’t genuinely important; rather, they’re a construct. With the playing cards, the players at the Beach all have a common goal—which eliminates any unnecessary conflict. They’re nothing more than an empty promise.
Accepting that the cards are useless provides you with more freedom. Combined with your efforts to slip under the radar, you think you will have a decent chance at escaping. After all, there’s no one to stop you from sneaking out in the dead of night, when even the wildest of party-goers have gone to sleep (or, more accurately, passed out). And that’s exactly what you do one night. The Beach is quiet at such a late hour—while everyone seems to behave with reckless abandon in the daytime, they still recognize the importance of a full night’s sleep. A player needs to keep their wits about them if they want to win the games. You sneak past the pool outside, quietly closing the gate behind you before breaking into a sprint. You want to put as much distance between you and this place as possible. Your heart almost seems to roar in your ears as your feet hit the pavement. You’re not sure how long you spend running before you finally take a quick break, ducking behind a wall and attempting to breathe with your hands on your knees.
In the following few days, you’re very careful. Fortunately, you succeeded in a higher difficulty game the same morning you left the Beach, which gives you some more time to lay low and ensure you don’t draw attention to yourself. And you soon learn that your timing was particularly good, as you see smoke rising through the air in the distance. Something happened. Are the players at the Beach in a game right now? You don’t want to think about it. But, then again, maybe a game would distract them from your absence. You’re secretly hoping they’ll just forget about you.
You certainly don’t expect to be cornered by another player a day later, when the smoke clears in the air.
“You.”
You turn around to find yourself met with a cunning, scrutinizing gaze. Your eyes widen as you recognize the guy standing across from you: Chishiya Shuntaro. He was one of the higher-ranking players at the Beach, just one rank below you. He stands before you wearing a simple collared shirt and slacks; his long light hair frames his angular features well.
Chishiya seems to recognize you too. “Number 10.” He says, a note of something unreadable in his voice. His hands are shoved in his pockets as he takes a leisurely step forward. “The deserter.” You roll your eyes at the title. You thought you had slipped away unnoticed, but Chishiya’s presence here disproves that notion “They’re still looking for you, you know.” He hums casually. He’s regarding you expectantly, as if waiting to study your reaction.
You stare at him for a long moment. Your heart instinctually jumps at his statement, before you remember yourself. “I don’t think so.” You frown, thinking back to the pandemonium you heard from afar. Despite the fact that the smoke cleared from the air, Chishiya has still been the only one to find you. “They died in the game, probably.” You then say. He's playing mind games—or, at least, attempting to. What reason would he have to lie to you, other than to provoke your fear or test you?
Chishiya raises a brow, suddenly appearing intrigued. “How do you know that?” You suppose his curiosity is justified, since you left the Beach several days before the next game occurred. It’s been a few days since then.
“I listened.” You settle for saying. Indeed, it was hard not to hear the agonized screams and cries of the victims. The Borderlands are rather quiet, without sounds of the crowded city and hums of electricity to disrupt the air. Many people died during that game, as far as you could tell. Their anguish was audible; not to mention, the disgusting smell of burning flesh pervaded the surrounding area. You shudder in remembrance. The foul odor still lingers heavily in the air. Just how many people died during that game?
You break out of your thoughts to find Chishiya staring at you warily. You feel like some sort of specimen under a microscope. After a moment, he speaks again. “You’re interesting.”
You don’t know what to say to that, so you remain silent. You get the feeling that his interest is rather dangerous.
“What games are you best at?” He scrutinizes you for a moment, gaze wandering across your form. “♥, I assume.” At your nod, he hums. “You should’ve stayed for the game at the beach, then. It was 10♥: Witch Hunt.” You frown. Witch Hunt? That rather ominous name only confirms your suspicions regarding the many casualties and few survivors. That isn’t exactly a good omen for whatever game will come next.
As if sensing your thoughts, Chishiya continues. “Let’s play the next game together.” He offers. There’s a long pause where neither of you speak; and you just stare at him. He looks back at you, raising a brow. “You seem skeptical.” He then observes with a dangerous smile. You hoped silence would make him lose interest; if anything, Chishiya’s gaze has only intensified.
You decide to abandon pretense. There is no real need for it in the Borderlands, after all. “You don’t seem the type to ally with someone out of the goodness of your heart,” you say. While you kept to yourself at the Beach, you were still sure to study up on the higher ranking players. Chishiya was No. 11, the number directly beneath your ranking as No. 10. And he was always regarded as a slippery, enigmatic individual who prioritized himself over all else. “You’ve probably betrayed everyone you’ve met so far.”
Chishiya doesn’t seem offended by the statement. Instead, he lets out a strange choking sound; it takes you a few seconds to realize he’s laughing. “I was right,” he says inexplicably. “You are interesting.”
You frown; the two of you are locked in some sort of staring contest. You can’t bring yourself to look away from him—he is too dangerous for you to feel comfortable doing so. Chishiya seems unable to look away from you, either—although you don’t quite believe he’s threatened by you. As time passes, your conversation slowly turns into a game of its own. You ask a question; Chishiya answers; then you answer. Then Chishiya asks a question; you answer; and so on. It’s a strange cycle of wariness and mistrust, perpetuated for what feels like infinity. But at some point, the two of you have exchanged enough information to begrudgingly trust one another.
And soon, you reach an unspoken agreement. When you turn your back and head off in the direction you were planning on going, Chishiya is at your side. The two of you are silent as you traverse the city pavement. There is little fanfare as you search buildings for supplies and shelter.
“Have you been alone this whole time?” Chishiya asks later, as the sun begins to climb further down on the horizon. You nod. “Impressive.”
“It’s easier that way,” you say. You think back to the 2♥ game you participated in on your first night; to the seemingly inseparable group of girls who promptly turned on each other at a moment’s notice. This is not a place to make friends. You get the sense Chishiya feels the same. Indeed, he nods in agreement at your statement.
There’s a comfortable silence in the air for a while. Then, unexpectedly, Chishiya breaks through it. He’s staring up at the starry night sky. “What do you think is the secret of the Borderlands?” His voice is quiet but steady. You wonder if he’s genuinely searching for the answer, or if he’s just curious about your perspective. Hell, maybe he’s just asking to pass the time. Regardless, you attempt to answer anyway.
“It could be anything,” you sigh. Every single player here is plagued by thoughts of just what secrets this place could possess. But those thoughts are often far too distracting. In the time you spent looking for any one answer, you were dominated by fear and unease. “The Borderlands defy rationality.” You continue.
“You’ve stopped looking for an answer.” Chishiya analyzes.
You nod, your throat burning. “I feared I wouldn’t like what I found, if I were to keep searching.”
“Yes, it is quite a dreary affair,” Chishiya says. “Virtual reality, temporal displacement… There is no convenient, safe explanation.”
“We don’t even know what we’re fighting for,” you remark. If your voice sounds particularly raspy or hollow, he doesn’t mention it. “Life could exist outside of this place. Yet we fight tirelessly, under the conviction that death here is the end.”
A slight nod, then silence. “I never felt alive,” Chishiya admits after a moment. You chance a sidelong glance at him, only to find his gaze is still fixed on the limitless expanse of sky above. “Before.”
“Me neither.” You admit. “Life seemed quieter before. Safer, but also boring. I grew complacent.”
You shake your head. “There is no explanation for the Borderlands,” you finish. You’re not sure who you’re trying to convince. Chishiya’s gaze falls to you; for a moment, the silence almost seems to buzz. The air is chilly yet stiff. You struggle to keep your composure under his watchful eye. Just what is he looking for? What does he want from you?
“I don’t think I quite mind that.” Chishiya says after an immeasurable amount of time passes. Somehow, the admission feels far more vulnerable than it sounds.
“Me neither.” You eventually answer.
You both look up to the sky once more, a sense of tranquility washing over you amidst your newfound companionship.
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#defectivevillain#Alice in borderland#Alice in borderland manga#chishiya shuntaro#chishiya x reader#chishiya x male reader#the fact that a chishiya x fem reader tag exists just INFURIATES ME#RAGHHHH#gn reader#transmasc reader#male reader#chishiya x gn reader#chishiya x transmasc reader
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Con La Brisa (Leviathan x GN!Reader)
Leviathan x Reader
Tags: Romantic fluff, takes place on the beach and in water
Word Count: 2,849
Summary:
With the new skill you recently mastered, you plan to surprise Levi with a date underwater.
[✨Likes, Comments & Reblogs are supper appreciated!✨]
Notes: This work is also available on Ao3, feel free to leave kudos, comment or read there if you prefer Ao3 more ❤️
I forgot to add this in the original Ao3 post, but I was really inspired by the song from underwater scene in wakanda forever. So, I'd play the song on loop every time I was writing this. Feel free to give it a listen before, after, or during your reading session.
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It’s been a while since you and Levi last saw each other for reasons that he understood as well. For one, you were up in The Human World, tending to your regular life while you were on a break from the student exchange program. And for another, there were certain duties you had to fulfill as Solomon’s most promising apprentice. In other words, Solomon was keeping you very busy with the lessons he provided as your mentor. Admittedly, it made Leviathan feel a bit upset, but he would always feel better upon receiving your calls and messages. It made him even happier when you would do co-op with him, just the two of you.
This time around, you were reaching out for the most unexpected reason paired with a quite off-putting request:
“Levi! Let's go to the beach this Saturday! Solomon gave me the day off and I thought it'd be lovely to do some swimming!”
Leviathan was speechless… no… he was frozen. This is the first time you asked to do something so extroverted. It's quite difficult to think of any proper response.
“I don't know about going to the beach, MC…”
“Oh, I know you might be worried about other people in the place, but I promise there's a private part of the beach we're headed to. I figured I'd take you there because I also have a surprise to show you!” The smiley face at the end of the text made Levi think twice about rejecting the idea. Maybe it's overthinking, but he has this feeling that you might not take no for an answer.
He lets out a sigh, essentially out of awe at how spontaneous you are. Though admittedly, it made his heart race thinking about what would happen on that day. He imagined the scenarios painted by shoujo mangas, especially considering it would just be the two of you going.
His thoughts ran wildly with all the writing conventions he got from every manga he’s read. So much so that he wondered if he needed to practice playing volleyball, or maybe some tough talk when you run into a random group of troublesome strangers… What if you planned to ask him to help you put on some sunblock lotion? What about the conversation you might have as you watch the sunset?
Apart from that, you didn’t tell him to bring anything other than himself… did he need to bring anything? for him? for you? for both of you? Or—
“Stop this! It’s not like it’s gonna turn out that way anyways… even if we are dating…”
Even if going to the beach was the most typical kind of date for couples, he couldn’t believe you were inviting an otaku like him to go with you. If anything, he figured you’d bring Beel and Belphie, Asmo, or Mammon, who definitely wouldn’t refuse some downtime at the beach.
The same kind of thoughts ended up partially clouding his mind for the entire week. Luckily, not so much that it ended up becoming a problem for his duties as a RAD student and student council member. However, it did end up making him lose several rounds in the RPG game he was currently obsessing over.
When the day arrived, Levi had to make sure that the day would be perfect and ended up with a lot of stuff to bring after all. In response, Asmo and Mammon had to talk him out of bringing too many beach items. In the end, Levi just brought some sunscreen that Asmodeus shoved onto him, sunglasses, some swimwear, and himself.
“Are you sure I don’t need any of the stuff I was gonna bring?”
“Levi, if MC is the one that asked you out as a surprise, it should probably mean that they’re the one with an itinerary.” The 5th eldest of the brothers reasoned, speaking as if this was based on common sense.
“I-I guess you’re right about that…” Asmo was the love expert after all, despite being slightly uneasy and nervous, he adhered to his advice.
“If you’re gonna get cold feet over going to the beach, I oughta take your place and go with MC to the beach.” Mammon hit him in a way that was aggressively playful as if he was telling him to turn back and switch places with him. Levi raised an eyebrow, slightly annoyed
“T-they asked me ! Besides…”
We’re the ones dating, they’re in love with me. He stopped himself before he could say his thoughts aloud, it was a close call.
“N-nevermind, I’m just going because it’s MC! You should never refuse MC!”
Right as he says that, a portal emerges and he sees MC by the entrance. The timing almost made Mammon and Levi squeal.
“Hey, MC! If ya planned on dropping by, at least give us a heads up! I think I lost 1000 years in my lifespan thanks to you!”
“MC!” Asmo squeals and runs over to give you the biggest bear hug.
“Hello guys! Just coming in to pick up Levi. How did I do with the portal spell?” You turned over to Levi with a glimmer of excitement in your eye. His eyes widened realizing how close your face was to his.
“U-uh…!” He took a step back and coughed, rose pink dusting his cheeks.
“It was actually really good! Solomon’s mentoring skills are definitely not something to mess with.” You giggled and took him by the hand before turning to the two brothers who were seeing him out.
“Well… off we go! It was nice seeing you all!”
“Take care ya damn lovebirds!”
“Have fun you two!”
Before Leviathan could say anything else, you both already made it across the portal and into the beach.
Levi was expecting some intense heat rays. To his surprise, the heat wave never came. Instead, he was greeted with a healthy mix of blue hues and fluffy clouds.
“Huh…” His eyes landed on the ground, feeling the warmth of white sand on his flip-flops. It was a small pet peeve, but he was going to ignore it for now.
He looked a bit farther and that this was a part of the beach that was relatively distant from where people would often stay.
“Not bad right? Let's head over to the docks.” Levi nodded, letting MC take his hand and walk him to the nearby docks. It was old, the varnish that protected the wood faded from the sunlight. The nails that kept them in place creaked loudly with each step, no matter how gentle they were. Regardless, it seems that the dock was sturdy enough despite its age.
The waves were splashing gently that day, telling you everything you needed to know about how today was going to turn out to be.
You giggled to yourself as you looked at Levi and back to the crystal blue water.
When you reached the end of the dock, you sat down, cross-legged, by the edge. Then, you motioned Levi to sit next to you.
Awkwardly, he obliges, letting his feet hang as he sits down.
“I begged Solomon to teach me this one spell… just watch.” You made eye contact with Levi who was looking at you expectantly. You gave him a small smile, trying to contain your excitement. Then, you let your eyes close as your focus was redirected to the objective you had in mind.
“Spirit of the wind, let my lungs respire and my body steel under your power.”
A blue light glows intensely within you as you take a deep breath in, and fades as you breathe out. The unexplainable sensation of the spell you cast radiates from your chest to your fingertips.
You open your eyes, all your senses returning to reality.
Levi blinks.
“Okay, cool trick and all… but what's the spell for?”
You raise an eyebrow towards your lover before speaking.
“You mean you don't want to experience a day underwater?”
“Huh?!”
“Suit yourself, fish man.” You shrug before launching yourself into the water below you.
“What?! MC, Wait!” His mind was too startled to think about hesitations. Immediately, he jumped in after you. His adrenaline spiked as he looked around to find you, preparing for the worst possible outcome.
He had a delayed realization that you were trying out a spell that could let you breathe underwater, even as you reach the depths of the ocean… at least… if it was executed properly.
He can only vaguely recall how the spell goes as he didn’t need it in his demon form. Because of that, he was too worried over whether or not the spell even worked, stressing over why you acted so rationally.
His worst fears were realized when he saw your limp body halfway through making its way to the ocean floor.
He cursed under his breath multiple times in a state of panic.
With all the strength he could muster, he swam his way to you and caught you in his arms.
Your mouth was slightly open, motioning to the idea that you might’ve already lost breath. He shook your body in an attempt to wake you. But it’s no use.
“MC… fuck… please not like this… it’s too soon… why the hell did you have to go and be so irr—mnn…!”
Suddenly, he feels the slight warmth and softness of lips pressing against his, and a pair of hands snaking their way to his cheeks as they try to pull him in deeper.
Suddenly, his worst fears were unrealized.
You were the first to pull away, giggling playfully as you did.
“A-are you serious right now!? You could have died! ”
“Levi, oh ye of little faith… Do you really think humans are that fragile?” You caressed his cheek, in an attempt to reassure him a little, but he only felt more heated up about the situation, and admittedly, a little flustered from the kiss you shared.
“Yes! Well… n-no… not you… I should’ve known that but— but you should’ve known to test the waters first before jumping into the water like that! Imagine if the spell didn’t work!”
“Levi, this is the spell I wanted to show you. I begged Solomon for literal weeks to teach me and help me master it. You had no idea how many times I had to grin and bear having to go to the beach with him and have him prepare picnic food.”
“I mean… look~! My hard work definitely paid off, and now I can venture with you whenever you want!”
Before he could even argue further, he began to recall the times he would gush over how much he loved the water. Admittedly, they were pretty rare instances, but the fact you even remembered it at all was heartwarming.
The soft-hearted thoughts came to a full stop when he realized…
“Wait, that means you’ve already done this with Solomon… more than once?!”
‘Curse you Solomon, you lucky bastard.’ He thought to himself.
“I mean… he’s the only guy that could teach me the spell in such a short time. I would’ve taught myself but I was a bit overwhelmed with the textbook Satan lent me.
“Why didn’t you ask Satan, then? Not that I want you spending time alone with him either…” Levi asked, mumbling the last bit so you wouldn’t hear it.
“I feel like he’s going to hold it over my head if I do. Like make me do his chores when I get back to the Devildom or help him with an Anti-Lucifer league scheme.” You shuddered at the flashbacks you had, recalling how it ended up with you being strung up by Lucifer at some point.
“Now come on! Let’s go see the ocean! Or—at least— whatever we can see here— or we can just float around, that’s fun too!” You giggled to yourself as you moved around freely, feeling the coolness of the ocean hugging you, and moving against the motions you made. It really did feel like you were floating off the ground.
Quickly, you took Levi’s hand in yours, pulling him as you made your way to the first coral reefs you saw under the waters.
Time passed, allowing you to see all kinds of colorful fishes and reefs. You believed it was luck that allowed you to see such sights, especially how it’s become a rare gem in today’s time. It was as if the universe willed this particular date for the two of you. The thought alone made you feel a bit giddy inside.
Pulling yourself from your thoughts, you turned to Levi and asked him: “So…how was today for you?”
Levi shook his head and smiled, it was as if he was trying to find the best reaction to give you. But at the end of the day, he felt dumbfounded and even more in love with you than he was before… even if he didn’t know it was possible.
He turned to you, fully awestruck. “You’re too amazing. Please don’t make me say more praise unless you want this little otaku to die of embarrassment.”
You giggled, raising your hand like you were taking an oath.
“You have my word.” You replied to him, “consider that as a thank you from me.”
Levi’s eyebrows shifted slightly in confusion “huh… but I didn't really do anything... I just followed your lead today ngl.”
“I know. But it's because of you that I got to fulfill my childhood dream to swim around in the ocean like this. It’s ten times better because I enjoyed it with you.”
He pulled away from your gaze for a moment, you were literally killing him with affection right now. A giggle escaped his lips in response, probably one of the cutest you’ve heard out of him today.
Suddenly, Levi let out a cough and his face shifted into a more serious expression.
“Can we d-do what we did a while ago? Minus m-me freaking out about you almost dying.”
“Which I didn’t,” You said matter-of-factly. Levi didn’t want to argue, nor could he if it was you. He just laughed in response.
“Which you didn’t.” He simply said. In response, you pretended to weigh your options before swimming as fast as you could.
“You’ll have to catch me first!”
Levi couldn’t help but scoff, this was a game of child’s play, and you knew it. So he gave you a little head start. He doesn’t know where this surge of pride came from, he just knew that he wanted to play into your set-to-fail plans.
He wasn’t always great with sports or running, but he was definitely a good swimmer when he wanted to be.
Levi felt his heart trying hard to escape from his chest. The moment he knew the distance was far enough, he made his way towards you. Levi could even feel his heart leaping bounds as you got closer.
But then… He realized, only at the last minute, that he had no clue what to do once he caught you.
Under a millisecond, his mind descended into panic mode. Right before he could think to stop, he had already collided with your body. From there, everything happened in slow motion.
There was something about the water that made how you both tumbled together embarrassing and beautiful at the same time. Perhaps, Levi thought, it was because the two of you seemed to circle around each other forming something close to the motion of a yin-yang symbol.
You were about to burst out in laughter but stopped yourself as you saw that ultra-rare expression on your lover's face, the one he’d hide because he was too shy to show how happy you made him.
The fondness in his eyes shone brightly under the dimness of the ocean. Your heart was beating crazily now, telling you to shower him with as much affection as you could in every kiss.
You obliged, feeling the world around you spin slowly as you did. It was something right out of a magical girl manga, but more. In Levi’s mind, he believed nothing could top the real thing, not even fiction.
“MC… I think I want… to kiss a little bit more…” Even in the depths of the sea, you could tell how much Levi was blushing as he sounded out his wants. The best thing about Levi was how he always expressed his desires shyly. He does his best to gather courage when he feels that he truly needs it. It was his cutest quality and because of that, you smiled.
“You can always have more because you already have all of me.”
His eyes narrowed, trying to hide his giddiness with a cringed expression. You shook your head, you could read him so well.
The two of you kiss again, feeling time and space disappear for the moment. In that moment alone, you were both one with the ocean and one with each other. Feeling what it is to love and be loved, your hearts soared infinitely, as though they were with the breeze.
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me nightbringer#obey me imagines#obey me x reader#obey me leviathan#obey me mc#obey me nb#leviathan x reader
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Chilcille huh... ngl I was a little suspicious. like why would you do that, huh... hope youre not mischaracterizing anyone in your weird and wacky ship. a little weird. but then you said they both had flat asses and you know what? I salute you and your perfect characterization
The fact you seem to think you managed to not make this ask insulting is baffling. What the hell. Fuck off.
If you actually care to be open minded about the ship, I talk about marchil on my sideblog 24/7. Funnily enough I’m currently 4k words deep into an analysis of their character arc together in canon, but that’ll take some more days to get done. Some notable posts:
Of course without counting the analyses of Chilchuck on his own I’ve made, like my masterpost on his family situation. Or better yet you could also read my fics for them, see how weird and wacky they are here.
Wanna talk about mischaracterisation? They’re literally a comedic duo who interacts 24/7. Marchil is crazy bc ppl are like "did those shipper read with their eyes CLOSED?? They have no chemistry!" Meanwhile canon is like: "She’s obsessed with knowing everything she can about him and she reads him like a book." In her eyes he’s like that extra rare and hard and shiny unlockable dating sim character, that brooding mysterious character trope that’s thrilling to crack open and typically is at the center of the plot. The wife roleplay???? "Hey, did you know his type is blondes. Hey did you know he likes his women pretty and blonde. Hey did you know he likes her hair. Hey did you know that he teases her 24/7 and it’s one of the few things that consistently gets him grinning because he finds her reactions cute." Like a schoolyard bully pulling on the pigtails of the girl he likes.
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It’s not like they have any thematic narratives or relevance. It’s not like she’ll live to 1000 and has existential dread about it while he’s logically gonna be her next friend to die at 50 and wether it’s romantic or platonic it’ll terrify her to lose him. It’s not like it’s fear of death x fear of rejection so they’re both obsessed with the thought of loss looming, past and ongoing. It’s not like it’s half-elf x half-foot and there’s an inherent journey that was and still is to dispel prejudices and truly come to see each other. It’s not like he’s painfully real and raw and flawed but still a good man, that he’s not the figure of prince charming that she’s always dreamed of while still being virtuous and worth fighting for. Or you know, her hair being golden and it being the epitome of beauty to him, and his hair turning silver and it being Marcille’s worst nightmare.
Just a weird wacky ship who means nothing but shallow things to people who have weirdo reasons for liking it. Like can you not. If you’re not imaginative enough to think of reasons why this ship may have an appealing dynamic that’s not my issue. But yes, yes, they’re both flat asses to me, thanks.
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#Dungeon meshi#Ask#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Marcille donato#chilchuck tims#Marchil#You me the parking lot after i finish and post my arc analysis#Sobbing……… we’re 20 over here in the rarepair pit come on. Like do u not see how obsessed i am. Do u think they like. Mean nothing to me#Do u think it’s all incidental and i slipped and the 10 thousands of words I write for them had no thought or feelings behind them or#Their arc is so beautifuuuuul they come to see each other and her standards become more real while he allows hope and openness#Into his heart again 😭😭 not the way two of their scenes lowkey read as a proposal…#Anyways I hope this makes it clear I’ll fight to my dying breath for them.#I don’t want trouble and i imagine you don’t either so just don’t come shitting on my doorstep#In positive news my fic Grind Me Down Sweetly recently reached 100 likes and 1k hits <3 it can also be read as just platonic so if you like#Them as a duo even as friends give it a shot#Every time I see someone shitting on marchil I start making marchil content faster btw#Not art#Unstoppable force x immovable object my beloved. They need someone stubborn loving methinks. One who loves stubbornly and one who confronts
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Realized upon that hometown events' guest characters are those who are close with SSR card main characters. And I'm not saying because they are family or close friends.
Jamil - They could picked either of Jamil's parents yet decided upon Najma. Why? Because he and his parents' relationship are complicated and Najma is someone that he is close to the most and can be himself without worried about hierarchy. They even have typically sibling relationship where Najma mess with him but never outright cruel to him. (Love how she stole the shawarma)
Epel - Well Epel is a family man and he is close with each of the family relatives. I'm sure the reason it's Marja is because she is involved with the sled competition more than his family even looks like her the most (once he gets old). I mean it's hilarious how Idia fangirls Marja because she is inspiration of his favorite character.
Leona - they could have picked Farena since Cheka was already present but they picked Kifaji which is surprising given the last two are family members yet the guest character is the Twisted version of Zazu (but still interesting to have another twisted version of a Disney character). The reason is probably because he isn't close with Farena despite his brother caring about Leona that much but knowing his overblot backstory, he despise him since he is the heir and how people praise him while they badmouthed Leona. While Kifaji and Leona aren't really close, he is one of the few that Kifaji treated him well without discriminating him especially from the chess game. Kifaji is basically like a parent or an uncle to Leona and given Leona's family issues, he is close to someone than any of his family.
Deuce - knowing well about what he said about his mother, it's obvious that his mother is the guest character. Not to mentioned, the only person he is close to the most. Since he left the gang to leave a better life and how he treated everyone disrespectful and no known relatives except for his grandmother, his mother is closest person he has and how he'll do everything for his mother.
Vil - so far one of the two overblot boys (with Azul being the other one) are the ones without family problems (Idia seems to have caring parents but the family business is complicated for chapter 6 and 7 reasons). Obviously Vil will have his own father be the guest character because he is a great dad to Vil who doesn't abuse nor neglect him. Vil even talks proudly about his father.
So based on that, it's not just relationship towards the SSR but also how they are close to one another without ill-intentions nor trauma. So I have feeling the next hometown events will be similar to which the SSR closest to be the guest character.
Like for example, Azul's guest character could be his mother because he proudly talks about his mother and how he is happy that he married her divorce lawyer. I can picture tweels' guest character to be either their parents.
Now the only issues on who is closest to are the Lilia, Silver, Riddle's, Shroud brothers', and Malleus'.
Lilia and Silver are eachother's relatives and doesn't seem to have anyone they talk to outside of the family (Baul and Zigvolt don't really count especially when Baul ready debuted and felt they would be Sebek's guest characters). We already seen through the Shroud's parents and I doubt that Idia has someone close and Ortho is extroverted but I'm not sure what their hometown is like besides Styx. Do they have other children or anyone close to?
Malleus's family is complicated and we know about Senate. So he would likely have his grandmother.
Riddle for obvious reasons...
So this is just my speculation.
I believe it has been stated that the manga intentionally blacks out the face of Mrs. Rosehearts because she is viewed as the source of Riddle’s trauma. It keeps her in this shadowy, untouchable status and maintains the idea that the darkness of the past still impacts us in present day. I anticipate that this will hold and become the pattern for each OB boy’s flashback sequences. (We’ll soon see!)
If that’s the case for the manga, then it makes sense for the game to do something similar by purposefully keeping the faces of figures who play a significant role in each OB boy’s trauma a secret. That means likely no Mrs. Rosehearts, similar to how we did not meet the Viper parents in A Firelit Sky nor Farena/Falena in Tamashina Mina. However, some parents are clearly still fair game since they do have a good relationship with their son (Mrs. Ashengrotto and Azul, for example.). We see an example of this with Eric Venue showing up in Tapis Rouge.
It makes sense to meet family members whom the SSR boy has a good relationship with; running into a family member that stresses them out would kill the fun and easygoing vibes of the hometown event and would instead present an interpersonal issue that runs too deep to be resolved in a satisfying way before the event’s conclusion. Imagine a hometown event in which we have to stay over in Riddle’s home and we witness his parents fighting?? 😔 I don’t think that’s something that could be “fixed” in like 5 parts… Of course, not every family is perfect and that’s valid. It’s just not the scope or the perspective that TWST hometown events want or are equipped to deal with.
I feel like any of the Ocatrio’s family are pretty fair game? Despite how sketchy they are, Azul, Floyd, and Jade seem to be on good terms with all of their family members (well, maybe excluding Azul’s biological father) and learned many important things from them. I am, once again, asking TWST for a Coral Sea hometown event… 🤚 ✋ *holds out hands*
I’m sure that the characters who don’t have obvious family members to meet/yet to be revealed will have some other substitution? Probably a new character that’s twisted from another Disney character (similar to Kifaji). Maybe we’ll see a new noble fae that Lilia knows, Silver’s guardian fae that blessed him at birth, or prominent STYX staff (like maybe twisted Pain or Panic?).
For Malleus, his only living relative is his grandmother, sooo… I guess he’ll introduce us to the reigning monarch if he’s the SSR of a Briar Valley hometown event 😂 Malleus does what Leona won’t…
#twisted wonderland#twst#Riddle Rosehearts#Jamil Viper#Najma Viper#Epel Felmier#Leona Kingscholar#Cheka Kingscholar#Kifaji#Farena Kingscholar#Falena Kingscholar#Deuce Spade#Vil Schoenheit#Eric Venue#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#notes from the writing raven#tapis rouge in the shaftlands spoilers#harveston sledathon spoilers#tamashina mina spoilers#a firelit sky over the sands spoilers#white rabbit fest spoilers#Azul Ashengrotto#Malleus Draconia#Diasomnia#Ignihyde#Maleficia Draconia#Octavinelle#Dylla Spade#Marja Felmier
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S6 ep speculation
Get ready to hear my 80% wrong predictions even though I’m like, super not caught up on this show! It’s still fun to guess. Also this post will be generally leak-free so don’t go replying to it with “uhhh actually from the leaks we know this and that”. Not the place. Warning, this post is incredibly long.
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1) Climatiqueen
I lean into the microphone and say, “Aurore”. The crowd erupts into cheers and fervent applause. Everyone shouts and whistles and pumps their arms in the air.
Interesting that they went with the French name for both translations, and she clearly seems to be a powered up version of stormy weather. It’s so fitting to circle around and start this new arc and new butterfly user off with the OG… I just hope we’ll get to learn a little about her character this time (doubtful). She’s gone to the main cast’s school this whole time and was Marc and Zoe’s classmate. It’d be great if they made her an actual recurring character instead of a special NPC. The children yearn for a character who acts like a cunty Mean Girl but isn’t actually a bad person.
I’m guessing this episode will serve as a general intro to the new world, showing us a typical day in the life of LB & CN kind of like the original pilot without dropping any important main plot developments.
2) Dessinatriste/The Illustrhater
Why is nobody talking about how funny the English name is, that’s hilarious. The haterrr. I’m getting very different vibes from both translations emotions-wise. The English title makes it sound like they’re petty or angry rather than sad.
My first thought was Nath because the name follows similar conventions as Dessinateur/Evillustrator in both languages and as one of the earliest and most iconic akumas it might continue this idea of Lila following in Gabriel’s footsteps while first learning how to butterfly.
In early s1, Gabriel was still experimenting with his powers while figuring out what does and doesn’t work when making an akuma. Well actually, since it was Gabriel, he learned absolutely nothing and was shocked when making the same mistakes over and over didn’t give him different results.
I think putting Lila through that same test drive phase would show her being much more analytical and actually develop her skills based on what she learns. In s1, Gabriel had a hard time making The Evillustrator do what he wanted, going so far as to like bloodbend him, then never targeted him again. If Lila was in that situation, she might figure out how to be more persuasive/manipulative/motivational or just learn that she has to choose akumas who will align with her goals in the first place.
Nath is also majorly due for character development. And he might be a pro level hater. It’s odd and a shame that we’ve only seen him once while every other class character has been akumatized like a hundred times atp. I think it’s most likely him.
I’ve seen people bring up that the French name sounds like a pun on the feminine form of the word. While Nath might be a diva, my counter argument is that this might be referring to Kagami, who is also interested in illustration and a girl. <- LMAO [insert Kagaminette joke], I mean “and is a girl”.
We haven’t heard much about her artistic journey in a long time even though it was important enough to mention in that trading card game where they said she secretly wants to make her own manga but lacks the confidence to start even though she has it planned out (super paraphrased).
Since Tomoe will become a greater villain, this could be the opportunity to show it since she’s the reason Kagami is self-conscious about her art. Maybe Tomoe will provoke Kagami into getting akumatized on purpose to test out Lila’s abilities or use her somehow. I’m not sure what her motivations are. Kagami does have, what, four different akuma forms already not counting powered-up ones? Crazy evolution tree, why not add more.
This might be an episode where Kagami becomes more comfortable pursuing what she wants and finding support among Marinette and friends instead of looking for Tomoe’s validation, continuing the plot line from Perfection. Once again, I don’t think it’s likely to be her tho.
3) Sublimation
I’ve seen the leaks and I believe everything I’ve seen has been from this episode. I feel comfortable saying this since it was already released in the official trailer, but the villain here is the coach woman. This episode seems to mostly be focused on this new runner girl character. I won’t elaborate because I don’t think any of the other stuff I know about this ep was in official material, but yeah, very much a new character situation.
You’d think this episode would have something to do with the power of the rooster miraculous, but there is absolutely no indication of that. I like to imagine the writers have a “word of the day” calendar at the office, and when they learned the word sublimation they were like, “hollllyyyy shit you guys, we need more people to know about this”.
4) Daddycop
I expect this to be a Sabrina-centric development episode and would be shocked if it’s not. Her relationship with Roger is pretty interesting since they seem to be on good, loving terms, yet he’s okay with all the Chloe bs and seems apathetic or ignorant to how Sabrina was being treated. Maybe we’ll see some rebellion from her now that she hangs out with other people.
The akuma’s name, to me, implies that Sabrina will be responsible for Roger’s akumatization or at least the main focus of it. Maybe he will become overly protective of her and target anyone who fucks with her or worry that she’s straying from the right path and exaggeratedly try to correct her behavior.
Sabrina’s behavior up to around Penalteam was likely informed by Roger’s influence, possibly more-so than Chloe’s. He had this “doing what you’re told is right” mindset that he instilled in his daughter, so in this episode, she might help him unlearn it. As a cop, he was always mindlessly bossed around by Mayor Bourgeois, so since Andre is gone, Roger will have to think for himself more.
5) Papys Garous/Werepapas
Continuing the theme of dramatic dads, the consensus seems to be that this will be Tom and probably Rolland. I’m not sure why, but Marinette’s always getting up to some silly billy antics, so. Tom doesn’t seem to have any issue with Adrien and idk what type of beef is gonna start for the grandpa to get involved. It might be some misunderstanding situation or another “Chat Noir is on our fucking balcony again, get the broom” moment.
It might very well be the mom and dad though, not the dad and grandpa. People have been talking about how it’s unrealistic that Marinette has been able to keep huge secrets from her parents for so long, so they might snap this time, not because of Adrien, but because she’s been acting shady herself. They might assume she’s getting into trouble. People have been long speculating that Sabine will learn Ladybug’s identity soon, so maybe she will finally have to tell her parents in a situation similar to gang of secrets.
6) Princesse Syren/Sleeping Syren
Ondine yayyyy! Yay! Ondine. Possibly a Kimdine episode to redeem Kim after they ruined his character for no reason and everyone got really mad because it didn’t even make sense. Remember when the instas were still a thing Alya had a post like “hanging out at the pool! Ondine is so awesome idk what she sees in Kim” or something. Yeah. How’d he pull a baddie like her if he’s been acting the way they’ve been showing him to act? Makes no cents luv. I’m dying to see more of their relationship, more of her, and some repair of what they’ve done to Kim.
It sounds like they might be doing some kind of sleeping beauty retelling? Idk how that would make Syren a threat if she’s asleep the whole time, but maybe she’ll still be doing the whole flooding the city with tears thing while she’s sleeping.
I also really hope Ondine will be attending their school now. I want to see her interact with other characters and become more relevant. Please give The People (me) what they want (official Ondine street clothes design). Also they’ve been introducing too many lamely designed girl characters with average heights and athletic-skinny body types. We need the 6ft swole girl to balance them out.
7) El Toro de Piedra
This name is so Ivan-coded that I’m tempted to just say that it’s not him, but why would they make an intentionally misleading Ivan clone. The name is concerning because it sounds like a mix of stoneheart and his hero persona. That makes me think maybe he’ll get akumatized AS Minotaurox. His arc has been about how he’s scared to accidentally harm others because being the first akuma bothered him so deeply. If he’s in a situation where he has to act tough or use force as a hero, he might become upset, worrying that he’s going overboard. I can see him cracking if his fight against an akuma ends up getting a civilian hurt in the crossfire or with someone being scared of him afterwards. Having his regular/akuma and hero forms mix together could compromise his identity.
Also I guess he’s Hispanic? *sonic voice* I didn’t know that. I remember a long while ago they said in an interview to look forward to Ivan lore which is one of the things I am most excited for this season. He is probably THE most underrated character in the show and most overdue for development.
8) Vampigami
Guys I hate to say it. I really hate to say it. My heart wants this to be vampire Kagami sooooo bad but my brain says we aren’t allowed to have nice things. I already suggested a Kagami akuma earlier, and she can totally get akumatized several times a season again because her mom hates her, but I’m not ready to be disappointed like this. I want her to become a badass evil vampire and acquire a Ben 10 arsenal of villain forms, but Vampigami is probably gonna be some stupid shit like Optigami except it looks like a bat instead of a butterfly this time.
I really don’t know what to seriously expect. I can’t imagine vamp referring to anything other than vampire, although it can also mean patching/editing like the word revamp. Gami has only been used in a senti name before to mean oragami. Idk man vampire Kagami is so engrained in my mind that I can’t come up with anything else. Like to charge reblog to cast. Let’s manifest that the writers have finally tuned in to what the people want.
9) Monsieur/Mister Agreste
This has got to be the episode that introduces Adrien’s grandparents, right? Meaning his grandpa is gonna be Gabriel’s dad and the title could stand for three generations of Mr. Agrestes. I’m surprised we haven’t heard much about them yet, but since Gabriel’s dead, it makes sense they’d come around to get his affairs in order or attend the funeral etc etc.
We got a big movie about Emilie’s history and her noble family, but all we know about the Agrestes is that they weren’t rich, and they sold fries. But there’s the weird part: wouldn’t Gabriel’s parents be the Grassettes? How much do they know about his life after he moved out? This episode might show us more about where it all went wrong for the Gabriel of this timeline. Maybe his dad will get akumatized because Gabriel abandoned their family, and he’ll become Mr. Agreste instead of Mr. Grassette to try to fit himself back into Gabriel’s fake narrative. He’ll turn into a rich asshole old guy because he thinks that’s the type of dad Gabriel would have wanted instead of his real self. Dang that’s sad.
10) Le Chateau Noir/The Dark Castle
My first reaction was Chat Noir, but I saw someone say Darkblade which makes so much more sense. I mean Chat Noir getting akumatized is an avengers-level threat, and last time it happened he blew up like everything, plus the episode was pretty late into the season.
Darkblade fits pretty well with the castle thing since he’s a knight. He lost yet another mayoral election, unable to even blame it on corruption this time. On top of it all, the new, fairly elected mayor is his old coworker from school who also didn’t have much political experience. Ouch.
11) Revelator
I’m getting Reverser from the name but only vaguely. This sounds like a similar type of villain to Gold Record who forces people to reveal something about themselves. Maybe this episode will go into how suddenly having secret identities is affecting the other characters’ relationships like Gang of Secrets again or Truth/Lies. If the akuma’s power has to do with revealing secrets, someone may get their identity exposed on accident like in Wishmaker. By that I mean a reveal between characters other than the akuma and the secret they want to find out.
12) Psyconductrice/Wreckless Driver
My first thought here was Max’s mom because she’s a train engineer, but the name seems to imply cars specifically. Totally unrelated, but remember that one poll on here about who’s the hottest MILF in miraculous, and Claudie Kante was in dead last by a lot, even way behind Audrey with her fuckass Anna Wintour bob and horrible child abusing bitter personality? Yeah you all have horrible taste. Democracy is dead and I hope everyone is happy being so goddamn ignorant and wrong. /hj.
On the topic of moms this could still be someone’s mom. I’ve brought up the pattern before: many moms are associated with a mode of transportation that are connected to their villain form. Car: Tomoe, boat: Anarka, train: Claudie, motorcycle: Gina. We could get a bus driver mom, or a trucker or taxi or racecar driver. Imagine. I’ve been saying we need a pilot mom.
Even if this isn’t anyone’s mom, it might be a new character. Idk who else it could be of existing characters.
13) Yaksi Gozen
This bitch again. Boo. I mean she IS super badass actually, but can we comically pull her offstage with a long hooked cane and let someone else have the screentime? I gotta say I am interested in her as a major villain but. Her akuma was cool the first two times and it’s time to calm down.
Clearly there’s something new about her this time. When looking up what yaksi means, it brings up yakshi, a type of nature spirit, but nothing that actually matches with “yaksi”. Maybe she’ll run a greenwashing campaign with her company? That reminds me of Mega Leech and how she wasn’t held accountable for her involvement in that scenario. If she comes under fire, she might get herself akumatized on purpose Collector-style to save face. Does anyone know if yaksi means something else? I’m not convinced it’s supposed to be yakshi without the h.
14) Couchorak/Grendiaper
Gigantitan vibes, possibly a powered-up version of him. When Hawkmoth first akumatized the baby, it was by mistake, and he ended up regretting it because he was hard to control and useless to his cause. Would Lila akumatize a baby on purpose, or is this an accident too? Since there’s a time skip, baby August would be a year older as well, so he’d actually be a toddler now, which might make him less unpredictable.
A shot in the dark I’m gonna make is that this might be Ivan’s younger sister. We know he has one, and while we don’t know her age, it sounds like she’s probably a toddler. We also know that he’s interested in childcare as a career. If I had to guess, I’d say he probably takes care of her often, which might be what gave him the idea. If she gets akumatized, it would be a great setup for his superhero focus episode.
15) La Redresseuse/The Ruler
My hottest take on this whole post is that this one is Mendeleev. Isn’t she the principal now or something? Idk but she’s a strict teacher who needs order, so I think the name matches her because 1: rulers are school supplies, especially for a science teacher who needs everything to be measured exactly, 2: ruler meaning leader with a totalitarian connotation, 3: the French title means straightener which connects to disciplining students or controlling how the school is run.
I think she’ll get akumatized because her students lack respect for her, and her strictness makes them dislike her which actually hurts her feelings as seen in the NY special. She might have a hard time adjusting to this new school system and her new role, not seeing the same positive relationships Bustier and Damocles held with the kids. She’ll go way overboard and turn into an evil school-themed dictator to try and regain control, but then learn her own lesson.
16) Noe
This is most likely a new character or something, but I love the idea that it’s just like, evil Zoe. Zoen’t. Noe.
OR imagine if it’s a more powerful version of Nino’s brother because it’s Noel but without the L, meaning this time, he won’t be taking the L. Coincidence? I think not. He is Lila’s pawn or whatever after all.
In all seriousness I have no idea what this is and the name could mean a lot of things, so I’m gonna just go with a completely new character.
17) La Fee De Beaux Reves/A Fairy Good Night
This is so Pigella energy. Not Rose, Pigella. In Jubilation, we saw how terrifying her power is when used for evil, trapping people in their own daydreams. Maybe she’ll struggle with nightmares or sleep problems and turn into an akuma that forces everyone to get stuck in imagined utopian illusions so they can “rest”. This idea is kind of the opposite of Sandboy and Nightormentor. I’d love to see more of her power and how it can be used for both good and evil, especially since a lot of people seem to think it’s useless or too situational.
18) Les Crassetastrophes/The Dirtifiers
This might be the little kids in another obligatory babysitting episode. The villain name is plural, so it could be a comic relief moment where the kids get mad because they don’t want to clean up or something silly. Otherwise maybe this is another pollution situation? I’m leaning more towards children, though. Another possibility is that we might be getting our first animal akumas.
19) Riginarazione
So I’m pretty set on this being Lila herself. Italian words? Check. Villain name having “queen” (rigina) in it because they can’t be too creative? Check. I’m guessing the pun is supposed to be regeneration rather than “queen ration” so maybe she’s gonna make herself some sort of nearly invincible self-healing villain.
20) Renverse-cœurs/Heartfixer
This sounds like that monstrosity Andre and Audrey turned into. Heart Hunter. I had to Google the name because I erased it from my mind. Out of all the old villains, I’m surprised this is one they’d choose to revamp since it was such a jumpscare, but I can see how they’d want to revisit it in the context of the Bourgeois’s messed up relationship since they were more of a temporary joke villain the first time. Maybe we’ll get some backstory on Chloe and Zoe as kids and who this Lee guy is who’s supposed to be Zoe’s American Dad (goooood morning, USA!). Based on the akuma name… maybe they’re gonna get less divorced. Wouldn’t that be a shocker? Audrey character development? Or maybe they’ll feel the need to keep it together for the kids.
21) Les Titans Chaines/The Chained Titans
I have no idea but it sounds awesome. Clearly more than one person. My first thought was s5 finale energy with the miraculized, like a whole mob of people sharing the same negative emotions. The metal vibes make me think maybe Couffaine family just because they’re so dramatic, and Jagged was a titan in the music industry who didn’t want to feel chained down? Kind of a stretch perhaps. Of course, it could be something new.
22) Lady Chaos
I’m saying Marinette akuma idc. I know people have been making this prediction for the past couple seasons and the writers were saying no but. Episode 22 is the one where shit goes down. Now that Bunnyx is active full time and there’s an entire team of other superheroes, there’s finally a chance to beat her if she does turn evil. I’m guessing it’s gonna be a bad timeline one like the Adrien akumas.
My concern with this type of ep is that they’d Mary Sue her and be like “her power levels are so high that nobody stands a chance against her, the best ladybug ever” even with like 20 heroes fighting her. I don’t think it’d be too bad though, because thinking about Chat Blanc, if she instantly blows up the whole world and the goal is just to undo that timeline, it’d probably be about equivalent.
23) Tristanansi
Using triste in two of the French akuma names is uh… we couldn’t come up with anything more creative? Anyway obv Nora so this could once again be a Nino episode like the first, but it could also (more likely imo) be an Alya one. Nora has a fiery personality and strong opinions so maybe Lila could’ve taken advantage of that to manipulate her kind of like what happened with Jalil. We were briefly introduced to a character who is her friend or boyfriend last season, and he may be more relevant this time, like maybe they have a fight. Similar to Sentibubbler, maybe Lila is targeting Alya’s family to try and get information out of her or steal the fox miraculous.
24) La Reine de Frayeurville/Queen of the Dreadzone
Other people have been saying this could be a Halloween special but… I want to say this might be a powered up Horrificator. This might be one of those episodes where they make it more lighthearted before the finale, and we haven’t seen her act on her own since s1 which is like the whole point of her akuma. She isn’t effective at all in groups and everyone’s been kinda desensitized to what’s supposed to be scary about her. Maybe they’re bringing her back scarier. Mylene has come far with her phobias, so they’d need something to really scare her.
I remember something about a proposed Halloween special taking place in the catacombs, which is coincidentally where Lila’s lair is. There might be a connection where the gang figures out she’s there, and something spooky goes wrong while investigating. The Paris catacombs are an understandable place to get scared in and a great setting for horror.
25) Protocole Secret/Secret Protocol
26) Nemesis
^^^ Ok I don’t know what specifically to say about the finale except that they’re probably gonna fight self-akumatized Lila since they tend to be kind of unpredictable.
What I do want to do is bring everything together and point out that Lila knows the identities of like half the heroes from the beginning because she stole Nathalie’s iPad or whatever happened. In Miracle Queen: Alya, Nino, Luka, Kagami, Kim, and Max had their identities revealed, which was relevant again in Optigami. Alix didn’t even try to keep a secret. Lila can easily connect that five of these people are her former classmates and all of them are friends, so she must have figured out that the rest of the heroes are also from their group. In the London special, it didn’t take a lot of hard work to uncover Marinette’s identity. She also targeted Kagami last season on a personal level. Side note, I have no clue if she knows Felix is Argos or not. That point is unclear to me, but I’m gonna assume she does since Gabriel knew.
We have Marinette, Adrien, Juleka, Rose, Mylene, Ivan, Zoe, Marc, Nath, and Sabrina left in the safe zone. I predicted most of these characters will get akumatized, and I believe Lila will be targeting them on an individual level under the suspicion that they’re on the team. It’s likely that she will even expose some if not a lot of them. In fact, she might have gone after Ondine as a red herring because she’s friends with them and King Monkey’s gf. From her perspective, Marinette could be one of the superheroes just as easily as anyone else could.
I’m not too worried about Adrien since he’s been the best at staying secretive, and Lila might not even suspect him because of the idealized yet untrue preconceived notions she has about him.
She may also be going down the list to see who does and doesn’t show up to each fight, making ladybug feel the need to call the minimum number of people to help her, which would solve the narrative problem of “why can’t ladybug sic the whole team on every akuma”. Discounting any Mirage tricks, having a certain hero help fight an akuma would tell Lila that the akuma is for sure not that hero. And obviously if every hero except one shows up that’s uh… suspicious.
Something very interesting is that out of all these characters, the episode I predicted to focus on Sabrina is one where the akuma is not her. Perhaps Lila will overlook her because she only recently made new friends, thinking she’d never be trusted with a miraculous. This same mistake of underestimating Sabrina is what led to her downfall the first time, so it’d be poetic if Sabrina managed to play the spy twice.
I did not predict any of these episodes to potentially be a Juleka akuma, but you know this girl will never in her life catch a break, especially with the rest of the pattern I’ve laid out above. Which episode do you think is secretly gonna be Reflekta? I guarantee you it’s one of them.
As a final note, I think Nathalie will be instrumental in helping the team identify Lila as the villain. They’re very unlikely to defeat her this season for good, but Nathalie knew about Lila’s little internship with Gabriel, and she was the one who originally had all the grimoire pages and Optigami identity data digitalized. She may recognize that information has been stolen or connect that Lila may have had the opportunity to physically take the butterfly miraculous by entering the lair. She’s in a unique spot because she’s the only one who knows this much about Lila’s villain plans, but also knows Ladybug’s identity now. I’m interested to see her role as a redeemed ally to the team.
Aaaaand that’s my novel length essay. Thanks for making it to the end. As always, I’m interested in hearing what other people think! (I feel like a YouTuber doing an outro lol) I’m excited to see the first episode soon which is actually gonna be the second episode I guess. So close! Off to an incredible start. I want to hear other theories!
#miraculous ladybug#ml#ml season 6#ml s6#miraculous season 6#lila rossi#cerise bianca#sabrina raincomprix#ivan bruel#marinette dupain cheng#kagami tsuguri#adrien agreste#gabriel agreste#rose lavillant#juleka couffaine#mylene haprele#nathaniel kurtzberg#marc anciel#kim le chien#max kante#alix kubdel#zoe lee#luka couffaine#this post took me so long to write god it’s way too long#I have part 3 of my headcanons posts in my drafts I should add to it and post it eventually#I think I’ll finish watching what I haven’t seen when it gets added to Netflix#I want to hear speculation from other people too even if it’s like AU what if stuff and not actual theories
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Chapter 8
🔥Phoenix and Ashes
Suna Rintarou x f!reader
Summary: “It’s funny how nobody believed that we could make it work.” - “Well-maybe they were right.”
Meeting Suna Rintarou wasn’t part of your plan. Dating him, either. Getting your heart smashed into the palms of his hand, even less.
Content Warnings: Timeskip, Manga Spoilers, Alcohol Consumption, Mention of 1 OC, yn is lost & confused
Word count: 4.5k
chapter 1 - chapter 2 - chapter 3 - chapter 4 - chapter 5 - chapter 6 - chapter 7 - chapter 9
184.
That’s the number of days that have passed since you last saw Suna or heard from him. 184 full days, mornings and evenings, without hearing his voice or touching his skin. You can't sleep a wink the night before the twins’ birthday party. You squirm in bed and watch the hours pass.
So many questions run through your mind.
What will happen when you see him? Will he talk to you; look at you? If you have the opportunity to hold him again—will you?
It’s raining outside. You hear the raindrops brushing the trees before crashing against your window. The moon is shining bright and high in the sky, at times, clouds hide it. It’s a typical autumn night, heavy and nostalgic. Just like your heart.
Around 3 a.m. you decide to text Umi.
“I’m scared to see Rintarou,” you admit.
It doesn’t take her long to reply, “I can come if you want.”
Osamu has invited your best friend to the party. Not only because he had known her for years but also because he would feel better if you had her by your side.
“D’ya mind?” He asked his brother.
“Do whatever ya want,” Atsumu said, he tried to look unbothered, but Osamu knew him all too well. Umi and Atsumu haven’t seen each other since high school and their friendship did not end up on good terms. The boy was still holding a grudge towards her. But if he admitted it, he knew his brother would make fun of him for acting like a child. So, he played it tough, pretending that seeing her again after years would be fine (but anyway, that’s another story).
“You should sleep,” you text.
“Says you haha”, followed by “but really, just tell me and I’ll come.”
You stare down at your phone, unsure of what you should do. Since Osamu told her about the party, she has been asking you if you wanted her to come, but you brushed her off each time. However, now that it is only a matter of hours before you see your ex-boyfriend again, you start to freak out.
“If you have nothing planned why not.”
“I don’t! see you tomorrow then, try to have a good night!”
The sound of the rain covers your heartbeat, the caress of the wind against your window masks the trembling of your hands.
It’s going to be okay, you repeat and repeat.
You arrive at the Miya’s apartment before anyone else. You tell Osamu you want to help them (or, rather, him) prepare.
Atsumu comes out of the bathroom when you put the beers you have bought in the fridge.
“Oya, oya dear Mademoiselle.”
You share a surprised look with Osamu—one tinged with mockery and pity. It takes you a lot of self-control not to burst into laughter.
“Ya speak French now? And don’t walk around shirtless.” Osamu sighs.
“Yer my mom or what?” Atsumy says while getting closer to you. “My abs deserve to be shown to the world.”
Your eyes immediately fall on his toned chest and belly. And you must admit that yes, Atsumu’s muscles are indeed well-shaped and nothing compared to his high school days. Despite his childish attitude, he is a man now.
“See, she agrees with me.” He wraps an arm around your shoulder and smiles teasingly.
“I never agree-”
“I’ll grab a beer.” The setter cuts you off and opens the fridge.
Osamu strides forward and takes the beer from his brother’s hand, “Calm down ya moron, it’s for tonight.”
“The night is young little bro.”
“Huh?” Osamu frowns, “Never call me that again.”
Atsumu mumbles something back and the argument escalates as always. The starting point of the fight is soon to be completely set aside.
You laugh so hard, that you almost forget the knot in your stomach. Atsumu decides to go back to his room, insults resonating in the whole apartment.
“Why do you guys live together?” You ask, wiping a tear from the corner of your eye.
“Gosh, I don’t know. He pisses me off.” He grumbles.
“But?” You put your hands on your waist and look at him, waiting for your question to be answered—honestly.
“But…” He hesitates then mutters with a shy voice, “Am just used to bein' with him all the time, ya know. It’s -” he clears his throat, “comfortin'.”
The vulnerability in his eyes soothes your heart, you tilt your head and smile. Osamu sees your nose wrikling. He turns around, “Shut up.”
You lift your hands in defence, “I haven't said anything yet”
“But I know exactly what yer thinkin’”
“Can you read my mind, Miya Osamu?”
“I’d rather not.” He glances at you, his back still facing you.
His left profile really is his best, you tell yourself.
You only chuckle after that and stop the conversation here. After all, he is not wrong. Why would he want to read your mind when it’s full of Suna? Paced with the memories of what you shared and tortured by the regret of what could have been. Maybe this incessant ache in your heart and in your thoughts is a reminder of how guilty you should feel for letting your relationship down, for not showing him enough support. Maybe you have been too hard to love and he is happier with someone else.
Or maybe, you truly deserved better?
Maybe he is the one who let you down? Who didn’t fight for you?
Maybe you should be happier with someone else—could you be happy again; loved again?
You open your mouth. Anyone who would see you might think you have seen a ghost. The questions make you feel dizzy so you decide to push them away. You feel the tension of your face ease a little and when Osamu calls you to help him cut avocados to prepare some guacamole, you take a deep breath and join him.
It’s time for the guests to arrive.
Since Kita has some last-minute inconvenience at his farm, Ginjima is the first to arrive. Half an hour passes and the place is almost full.
You stay with Osamu in the kitchen, even if “ya should go talk with everyone”, he tells you. “I like to be with you.” You reassure him—how can he argue with you after that? But your gaze travels to the living room, moves through the clock hanging in the entrance, and stops at the door. And it keeps going there, again and again.
There is a weird combination inside your heart—fear mixed with hope. And each time someone knocks at the door, it hits you like a firework against a dark night; it’s noisy and overwhelming, but it’s also colourful and exciting.
Osamu pours you a glass of lemonade (he bought your favourite) when Suna enters his apartment. You see the discomfort in your friend’s eyes and turn to the direction he is glaring at.
Your body freezes. Your vision follows every single one of his moves—he shakes Atsumu’s hand, smirks when Aran fist-bumps him, takes off his jacket, runs his hands through his hair. Everything is going so fast, or so slow. You don’t know. You start panicking when his footsteps get closer to where you and Osamu are. You look down at the floor, the light reflecting on it is suddenly replaced by Osamu’s shadow. He stands before you, his broad back and shoulders almost hide your ex-boyfriend.
They greet each other while you restrain the tears from falling down your eyes.
“Hey,” you believe you end up saying. He says something back before turning his attention to Osamu.
“Happy birthday man.”
“Thanks bro, it’s nice to see ya.”
You think Osamu is sincere. They are friends after all and you never wished for them to grow apart because of you.
You finally decide to look at Suna—or maybe it’s just instinct, a force stronger than you, which pulls you to do so. It’s the closest you have been to him in months.
His face is perfect, and the shapes of his body outstanding.
You do not meet his eyes though and your heart breaks. You feel stupid, why would he look at you? Why would he want to have a conversation with you? Why would he care about someone as insignificant as y-
“Yer lemonade,” Osamu gives you your drink and smiles, “Want somethin’ to drink?” he proposes to Suna, pointing at the fridge.
“Sure.” The other boy says.
You bite your lips and think, the evening is going to be long and lonely.
If not for the twins you would storm out of this room, run to your parents’ house and muffle your sobs in your pillow.
Atsumu is drunk.
“It’s not even midnight,” Aran says nonchalantly.
Kita lets out a faint sigh, his eyes narrowing as he steps closer to Atsumu. “Atsumu,” he begins, his voice soft but firm enough to catch the setter’s attention. “D’ya want some water?”
“Captain!” Atsumu spins around abruptly, “Am so happy yer here!”
The boy often gives a slap on the back to his friends or teammates, you figured it’s his way of being friendly. It never looks like it hurts (well, it would probably hurt you since Atsumu is a 6’ tall and full-of-muscle athlete, but nobody was ever injured, so he must know how to control his strength). However, with three beers and six shots of sake in his blood, he loses all sense of control.
The slap he gives Kita makes the former captain trip. Suna, who is standing next to Atsumu, steadies him.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Kita apologises.
Suna doesn’t understand him at first, Atsumu is the one who acted like an idiot. But then, he starts feeling something stinging on his chest. He realises Kita’s drink has been spilled on his t-shirt (white, of course).
“Sunarin!” Atsumu shouts in Rintarou’s hear, it startles him, “Shit, yer shirt is fucked.”
“It’s fine,” Suna sighs, clearly exasperated.
“’Samu!” Atsumu yells, his voice booming through the apartment.
“Atsumu, stop screaming,” Suna pleads, rubbing his temple as if trying to ward off an impending headache.
But Atsumu ignores him, “go get Sunarin one of yer shirts.”
Osamu, who had been sitting on the couch with you, raises an eyebrow in confusion. “Huh?”
Even in his drunken state, Atsumu seems to pick up on the bothered tone of his brother. “Yer such a shithead,” he mutters, though he probably meant to whisper. He pulls off his own shirt, revealing his toned torso (again), and hands it to Suna. “Wear that.”
Suna hesitates for a moment, but he eventually complies, pulling off his wet shirt.
“Fuck, Sunarin, yer girl is savage!” Atsumu suddenly blurts out, his loud voice cutting through the room like a knife.
You are following the scene from the corner of your eyes. You try as much as possible to not look at your ex-boyfriend, especially not when you see him starting to get shirtless. But when the blond twin screams and an awkward silence follows it, you can’t help but turn to the boys.
If you weren’t sat on the couch, vision perfectly directed to Suna’s back, you wouldn’t have understood what Atsumu meant. But you are sat on the couch and despite the dim light you see the scratches on his back.
“Yer a beast or what?” he continues, giggling like a teenager.
“Atsumu, stop.”
Umi interjects with frustration, but it feels distant, almost surreal to you. She gets up and steps closer to him, placing a gentle hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him down. But Atsumu’s too far gone and he continues to tease the middle blocker. The tension in the room thickens.
Umi tries again, her voice firmer this time, “Atsumu, that’s enough.”
“Oh, so ya know my name, huh? I thought you had nothin’ to do with me.” His slams her hand away and looks down at her, eyes filled with anger.
Osamu sighs and decides to take care of the situation.
As soon as you are left alone on the couch, you slip away from the living room, quietly making your way to the kitchen. The cool air is a relief, but it does little to soothe the turmoil brewing inside you. The tension in the room was suffocating, and you needed to get away from it all—the memories, the stinging pain, the sight of Suna's marked back.
As you lean against the counter, trying to steady your breath, you hear footsteps behind you. You turn to see Osamu, his brow furrowed with concern.
“Yer okay?” he asks, his voice soft, almost hesitant.
You nod quickly, not trusting yourself to speak without your voice cracking. “Yeah, I’m fine,” you manage to say, forcing a smile that you know doesn’t reach your eyes.
Osamu isn’t convinced. He takes a step closer, his gaze searching your face for any sign that you might need him to stay. But you shake your head, more forcefully this time. “Really, Osamu. I’m okay. I just need a moment.” Leave me alone, you beg him in silence.
He hesitates for a moment longer, his eyes lingering on you. Finally, he nods and gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze before turning to leave.
The moment he’s gone, you feel the weight of everything you’ve been holding back crash down on you. You glance around the kitchen, your eyes landing on a bottle of something strong on the counter. If Atsumu can act so freely with alcohol in his system, then why shouldn’t you? Maybe it will numb the ache in your chest, even if just for a little while.
You grab the bottle and pour yourself a generous amount, the liquid burning as it slides down your throat. You don’t care. All you want is to forget, to drown out the thoughts that have been plaguing you since Suna walked out of your life.
With the drink in hand, you head back to the living room. The scene has shifted slightly. Atsumu and Umi are nowhere to be found, and everything seems to be back to normal. You watch Gin and Kosaku play some cards game with a detached interest, but your eyes keep straying to where Suna is sitting. The pain deepens.
Osamu catches your eye from across the room. He must see something in your face because after a moment, he looks away, as if giving up on trying to figure out what you’re feeling. The drink in your hand is half-gone, and the room starts to blur slightly around the edges. You down the rest in one go.
An hour passes, and you’re in a drunken haze. The sounds around you—laughter, music, chatter—melt into an indistinguishable sound. As you stumble towards the bathroom, you nearly collide with the door, your mind spinning. But before you can push it open, you see Suna standing there, his tall frame blocking your path.
“Hey,” he says, his voice low and familiar, sending a shiver down your spine.
“Hi,” you answer.
He is about to get out of the way to let you through, but a voice urges you to make him stay. You need to say something; anything. And suddenly, the words tumble out before you can stop them, raw and unfiltered. “I still love you.”
His eyes widen slightly, and for a moment, you think you see a flicker of something—regret, maybe—in his gaze. “I’m sorry,” he says after what feels like an eternity, but his voice is distant, like he’s trying to put space between you even if he stands right in front of you.
You take a step closer, “I never stopped thinking about you, you know. I'm so fucking in love with you, Rin...”
He hesitates, his eyes searching your face as if he’s trying to decide whether you’re being serious or if it’s just the alcohol talking. “Are you drunk?” he asks.
Before you can respond, he reaches out and gently takes the drink from your hand. “I’m gonna go find Umi,” he says, as if that will fix everything, as if walking away again is the solution.
But the panic starts to rise in you, sharp and unyielding. You can’t breathe; the walls feel like they’re closing on you. You need to get out—now. Without thinking, you turn and rush out of the apartment.
You’re almost outside when someone catches up to you at the stairs, grabbing your arm firmly to stop you.
Osamu.
“Hey, where're ya goin'?” he asks worried.
“I need to leave,” you choke out, barely able to get the words past the tightness in your throat. “I can’t stay here, Osamu. I just can’t.”
“Okay,” he says softly. “Let’s go to the restaurant.”
The ride is silent. When you arrive at the restaurant, Osamu parks the car and helps you out, guiding you inside. He leads you to a seat and disappears into the back, returning moments later with a glass of water.
“Drink this,” he says gently, pressing the glass into your hands.
You take a sip, the cool water soothing your parched throat. It feels good. But it does nothing to ease the void in your chest. The alcohol is starting to wear off.
Osamu sits down across from you, watching you closely. He doesn’t say anything. For a moment, you almost break down right there in front of him, but you force yourself to keep it together. You’ve already shown too much tonight.
“You’re always so kind to me…” You look down at your drink, fingers grabbing the glass tighter.
“We’re friends.” He simply says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“I don’t deserve it.” You’re ashamed to look at him.
He says your name firmly, “Don’t say that.”
But you cut him off, “I’m a mess.”
He gets up to get closer to you, you hear the chair squeak against the floor, and he grabs your shoulder to make you look at him. He’s so close, you think he can hear your heartbeats.
“Yer hurt. Ya haven’t seen him in months, it’s normal to feel like that. But yer not a mess,” he hesitates and smiles a little, “and even if ya were, I’ll be there for ya. That’s what friends do.”
You study each feature of his face; his eyebrows; his eyes; his nose and an inch further down…
Your lips end up on his.
You grab the back of his head to tank him down, his hands brush your skin all the way from your shoulder to your free fingertips where he intertwines them with his.
You’re kissing Osamu.
You’re kissing Osamu.
You push him quickly, “Oh my god I’m sorry.” You suddenly get up, panic invading you, “I didn’t mean to - oh my god… I must look so desperate right now.”
“Kissing me makes ya look desperate? Gosh Champion, that hurts.” He lets out a small laugh and his kindness makes you want to cry. You're too drunk to decipher how he really feels.
You finally explode. Tears flow like a waterfall. You friend pulls you against him, you feel the warmth of his shirt against your cheek, and you grab his back with strength, afraid that if he steps away, you’ll crumble.
You don’t remember what happened after that. What you know is that you fell asleep at some point and Osamu stayed by your side.
When you wake up, the sun has barely risen. Your back hurts, your head is pounding, your throat is dry. You take a look at your surroundings; you’re lying down on some bench in Osamu’s workplace. It’s calm, way too calm. You try to remember last night, but your headache makes it hard to think straight.
“Mornin’, should I take ya home?”
Osamu’s voice surprises you, you gulp and nod, unable to come out with a coherent answer. His jacket is covering your body like a blanket, you’re about to give it to him but he interjects quickly, “put it on. It’s cold outside.”
“Thanks,” you answer with a broken voice. You don’t even have the strength to argue with him.
Osamu tells you it’s Sunday and 7am as if he sees how disoriented you are. The neighbourhood is quiet, it reminds you of the day Suna broke up with you. The calm before the storm.
Speaking of storm, Suna is standing in front of your house, hands in his pocket, back lean against the wall.
You get out of the car with Osamu, confused.
Suna clears his throat and when he decides to speak, there’s hesitation in his voice, “Can we talk?”
Osamu is standing between him and you, but somehow, he feels invisible. The way you look at Suna like he is the centre of your solar system is threatening. He will always be your first choice; what did Osamu think? His body moves on instinct, and he takes a step back towards his car.
“I…” he starts, “’Tsumu probably made a mess, I’ll go check on the apartment.”
You agree but avoid his gaze.
A moment passes and you’re alone with Suna. It’s been so long you think you forgot how to be with him. How are you supposed to talk to him? Call him?
“I was worried yesterday. I went looking for Umi, but you had disappeared.”
“Were you really?” You ask, there’s poison in your voice. You feel the blood in your veins rushing through your whole body.
He takes the time before responding, “Of course.”
“Rin… You're telling me you're worried about me because I disappeared one evening, when you didn’t ask me how I was even once in the past six months? That’s nonsense.”
“I get that you’re angry, but I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
He seems honest and it kills you. You clench your fists. How are you supposed to react to that?
Your mind goes through all sort of emotions, incomprehension, anger, frustration. You finally speak again, “Why?”
“Why?”, he echoes, puzzled.
“Why did you break up with me? And don’t lie to me.”
His lips open and close a few times. His hands come in and out of his pockets awkwardly. “I… I was stupid. I guess I got tired of our relationship. Hiroshima, the club, my friends, everything was new, and it was exciting. And when we were together, it felt like it was holding me back.”
He looks at you and quickly explains more, “But I was wrong and stupid. You’ve been my pillar for all those years, ever since we broke up, I feel lost and I keep doing shitty things.”
“We did not break up Rin, you dumped me, like I was nothing.” You remind him. You can almost feel your nails rip off the skin of your palms from clenching too hard.
“I’m sorry…” He looks down at the floor. He looks so pitiful but even so, he is still beautiful.
You hate yourself for wanting to pull him against you. He is vulnerable right now, almost weak which puts you in a position of power, and yet, deep down, he has you wrapped around his fingers, still he has your heart caged in his hands. How unfair, how unfair.
“What do you want?” You ask him, trying to sound suspicious.
“I was hoping we…we could start over.”
“Loving you ruined my life Rin, how am I supposed to trust you again?”
Of course, you would ask him that. Suna is far from stupid—he knows exactly what he’s done. Until yesterday, he wasn’t even sure if you still loved him. Why would you, after everything? But perhaps, there is a tiny flicker of hope. So, he tries.
“Let me show you that it can be worth it.”
“Where-where does that come from? You barely looked at me once last night, I told you I still loved you and you said nothing back.” Your voice trembles.
“I did look at you, I swear, more than I thought I would. I didn’t expect to feel like that when I saw you, but something was weird in my heart and when you told me you loved me, I panicked. I acted like a jerk, you have all the right in the world to hate me,”
You cut him off, “I could never. You know that.” Your fists relax.
There’s hope, there’s hope, he hangs on to the thought.
“So… Please let me make it up to you.”
“Did you have sex with her?”
He squints as if the accusation bothers him, but you have to know the truth.
“Rin.”
He doesn’t ask who you are talking and simply answers with a shy “yes.”
You deserve better,
You will find someone else,
Let go of him.
Your heart sings and the words give you the courage to walk past him.
“Wait.”
He says your name and grabs your arm.
One touch. It’s all it takes for you to melt, for your heart to forget all the pain it has been enduring for months.
You hesitate but your hand finds his cheek and you brush a strand of hair. How soft, you think. He closes his eyes, and his forehead leans against yours.
“Please,” the murmur sinks into your body.
“Let’s try.” You give up. You have been waiting for him to come back to you for so long, you have dreamed about those words so many nights. You don't have any other choice but to trust him now.
A comfortable silence settles between you, it almost makes you believe you’re in a dream. You decide to take a step back, but Rin doesn’t let go of your arm.
“I forgot my phone at the boys’ apartment.”
“I’ll come with you.” He hurries to say, afraid you would runaway if he doesn’t follow you.
“‘Tsumu is still sleepin’, Umi left an hour ago.” Osamu explains with a quiet voice once you’re back in the apartment. He hands you your phone.
“O-okay.”
You look around you. The living room is a mess, more than what you remember from last night.
Last night.
Your heart skips a beat.
“Hey, Osamu?” you start carefully, he waits for you to go on, “is everything okay, I mean between us?”
“Sure.”
“Sorry about last night.” You feel extremely guilty. You might have gotten the boy you love back but you can’t bear to lose one of your best friends.
“Last night? What happened last night?” He smiles. You’re relieved; your secret will be safe with him (he is so precious, you tell yourself). You’re about to answer but he lifts his eyes from your face, and you turn to see what has caught his attention.
Suna.
“We should go.” You say.
Osamu thinks you’re talking to him but when he sees you facing your ex-boyfriend he is confused. Suna’s answer confirms his doubts. Something is going on between you two.
“Yeah.” He takes your hand, “thanks for last night Osamu. I have a game in Osaka next month, I'll text you.”
Osamu is unable to answer.
“I'll see you tomorrow at the restaurant," you conclude with a soft smile.
“Hmm, see ya.”
You're afraid to see disappointment on your friend's face so you don't turn back. Everything will be perfect from now on, just like it was before the break up. You are going to be happy and loved and cherished.
The knot in your stomach is normal, you try to convince yourself, there is nothing to worry about.
Absolutely nothing.
author notes: i won't get mad if you want to scream at me :)
Elie
taglist: @wolffmaiden, @obibiwan, @teyvatsunsets, @sugacor3, @hanadulsetaad
#suna rintarou#suna rintaro x y/n#suna rintarou x reader#suna hq#suna haikyuu#suna rintarō#suna rintaro haikyuu#suna rintarou angst#haikyuu fanfiction#haikyuu#miya twins#miya osamu#miya atsumu#inarizaki#ojiro aran#kita shinsuke#hq atsumu#hq osamu#hq suna#hq x reader#suna angst#suna fanfic#suna x reader#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu suna#suna#suna rintarou x you
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Since you mentioned the name several times now I looked up who Nikki Maxwell is. From the basic description of her on her wiki page I can kinda see some similiarities to Marinette and now I wonder if you have some more in-depth comparisons between the two to share that would explain your remark on Marinette beeing a copy of her. I think the description of the character doesn't make her seem particularly unique and a character-type I'd expect to appear often in these kind of youth novels.
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Sure thing! Here's some fun facts about the Dork Diaries series, one of the most best-selling kids’ books of the 2000s, that have been translated into 50+ languages, including French:
Nikki's iconic look is having her hair in pigtails.
She often babysits a small girl with pigtails.
She is a good artist.
She is, despite her poor self esteem, very talented in many areas.
She is extremely clumsy and prone to getting into embarrassing situations.
She gets overly embarrassed about the most inconsequential things.
She has a tendency for highly exaggerated panic spirals, where she comes up with imaginary scenarios that are full of fantastical events and are often illustrated in an anime/manga style.
She gets mad easily and it can take her a while to get over perceived slights.
She’s a bad liar but people believe her anyway.
She is a huge hypocrite, who often does things she claims to not do. (Unlike Marinette, her internal narration almost always points this out.)
She has a crush on a boy in her class, mostly based on the fact that he is nice, and her rival in school also likes him.
Brandon, said crush, is very popular but still a loner, and socially awkward.
MacKenzie, Nikki's rival, is a rich blonde bully who wears diamonds often (and very familiar-looking sunglasses at one point). Despite her vast resources, she always loses against Nikki in whatever they're competing in.
MacKenzie is a more classic “queen bee”, than Chloé, but does get called such canonically.
MacKenzie eventually transfers schools because she stopped having power and prestige over her classmates.
Nikki's biggest character flaw is a lack of communication, where she puts off telling people things she thinks they won't like hearing. (Unlike Marinette, she actually has to make it up to people when they find out she's been lying to them.)
A typical plotline in Dork Diaries is that, despite being well-liked, having devoted friends and caring parents, Nikki often hides her problems from them and struggles needlessly.
Nikki eventually gains a secondary love interest, André, who looks eerily similar to Luka in illustrations, in addition to having Astruc's favorite French guys' name.
Nikki's classmates include characters named Max, Chloe and Zoe, with Chloe and Zoe being closely associated with each other. (You know what I always say: two is a coincidence, three is a pattern, and we're now counting four same names.)
Many of these things are, to be fair, very basic school drama protagonist cliches. However, when it's this much similarity between two supposedly unrelated characters, especially with some of the highly specific similarities here, like the animesque imagine spots, it's a pattern and not a coincidence. Is the pattern that there's some template both Nikki and Marinette are based on (like how Vegeta and Hiei’s similarities are because they’re both based off the same older character), or did Astruc copy his protagonist from a mega hit of children’s, especially girls’, literature to try to copy that success? Who knows. It's not like we can expect Astruc to be honest about whether or not he copied Marinette's personality from literature.
I know Astruc hasn't actually read the stuff he claims to have read, so that's a point in favor of Astruc being a too lazy reader to copy someone else's work. However, he must have grown familiar with all these tropes somehow. You can’t hit this many hallmarks of a genre without being somewhat familiar with it, and this genre is the most prolific in literature, and there is research data showing that children often prefer either books or television, so he could reasonably expect the audience not to realize how copy-pasted Marinette is.
Miraculous and Dork Diaries share DNA. How directly they’re related I can’t tell, because I’m not that knowledgeable about the school drama genre.
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The 100 Girlfriends with Really, Really, Really, Really, REALLY Stupid Names.
AKA: Everyone in this manga has a name that's a pun or a play on words like Ace Attorney and I'm gonna explain them to you from GF 1 to 28.
Aijou Rentarou - The first syllable of both his names, "Ai" and "Ren" are both spelled with different kanji for "love." "Rentarou" means "Feeling Love."
Hanazono Hakari - "Hana" means "flower" or "blossom" and "zono" means "garden". Her surname is a reference to the expression "Atama ga Ohanabatake," literally meaning, "flower garden in the head." This phrase is used to describe someone who is constantly delusional and imaginative, referring to her lustful daydreams and delusions along with the flower-shaped hairpins that she wears as a part of her character design. "Hakari" is also a homophone for "plan," highlighting her devious nature and scheming brain.
Inda Karane - Karane's full name is derived from a highly typical Japanese tsundere sentence "betsu ni anta no tame ni yattenain dakarane!" ("It's not like I did it for you or anything!") The "In" in "Inda" also means "hospital" which is where she keeps sending Rentarou.
Yoshimoto Shizuka - Yoshimoto can translate to "Lover of Books" and "Shizuka" literally means "quiet."
Eiai Nano - "Eiai" is derived from "A.I." and "Nano" is derived from "Nanotechnology," alluding to her straightfoward, computer-like intellect and mechanistic demeanor.
Yakuzen Kusuri - "Yakuzen" means "medicinal cooking" in literal translation, while "Kusuri" is a homophone for the Japanese word for drug or medicine.
Hanazono Hahari - Her name is the same meaning as Hakari's, fitting since she is also very deluded. Hahari also contains the word "Haha," which also means "mother."
Haraga Kurumi - The "Hara" in "Haraga" means stomach, referring to Kurumi's incredible appitite.
Meido Mei - "Meido" literally means "Maid"
Sutou Iku - Iku's full name is pronounced similarly to the Japanese word "sutoikku", meaning "stoic", as a testament to her high pain threshold.
Utsukushisugi Mimimi - "Utsukushi" means "Beauty or Beautiful" Additionally, "Mimimi" has the kanji for "Beauty or Beautiful" twice, and employs the noma kanji, which repeats the kanji that comes before it. In her full name, the word "Beauty" is written in Kanji three times, and her family name and given name are pronounced in On'yomi and Kun'yomi, respectively. There are technically four counts if the Noma Kanji is counted. Therefore, her name can be interpreted as meaning "extremely beautiful."
Kakure Meme - "Kakure" means "to hide", and the "Me" in "Meme" means "eye," so her full name effectively means "two hidden eyes." The "Ka" in "Kakure" can also mean "splendor or flashiness" referring to the beuatiful face that she keeps hidden under her bangs as to not draw attention to herself.
Iin Chiyo - Highlighting Chiyo's position at her school, her full name written in hiragana strongly resembles the second half of the Japanese word for "class president," - "gakkyuu iinchou." "Chiyo" also has the kanji for "award" and "wisdom," and "Iin" has the kanji for "school" or "institution."
Yamato Nadeshiko - The phrase "yamato nadeshiko," describes the "personification of the idealized Japanese woman." Typically, a yamato nadeshiko is modest and courteous, with long, dark hair that is frequently styled nicely. They wear traditional Japanese attire, and they resemble the kind of woman Naddy's family attempted to turn her into before she rebelled and became obsessed with America. "Yamato" is a term for ancient Japan, and a Nadeshiko is a kind of pink carnation whose name translates to "Japanese Dianthus"
Yasashiki Yamame - "Yasa" means "gentle" or "affectionate", and "shiki" means "spreading" or "laying out" like one would do with seeds in a field. "Sashiki" spelled in a different kanji also means "cutting and planting." "Yamame" can literally be translated to mean "Mountain Woman" referring to Yamame's large size, but "mame" can also mean "hardworking" or "healthy" and "legume" which means "vegetable."
Momi Momiji - "Momimomi" is an informal way of saying squeeze or massage. "Momu" also means "to massage."
Yakuzen Yaku - Like Kusuri, the word "yakuzen" literally means "medicinal cooking," and her first name contains the same word, albeit written in a different kanji. Kusuri even mentions this in the manga directly, to which Yaku responds that her mother named her after her favourite tree, Yakusugi Cedars. Furthermore, when written using the Goroawase wordplay system, Yaku can be written with the numbers 8 and 9 ("Ya" and "Ku"), referring to how she is 89 years old.
Torotoro Kishika - "Torotoro" is a Japanese onomatopoeia that describes something becoming loose and viscous, which refers to the state Kishika enters when she is babied. Kishika also directly translates to "Flower Knight"
Kedarui Aashii - "Kedarui" means languid, listless or feeling sluggish and "Ashi" a slang version of the pronoun, "atashi" often used by gals. Beyond just Japanese, Aashi means "smile" in Hindi, which makes sense given the constant smile she bears on her face.
Nakaji Uto - The kanji for Nakaji is also used in the word "Chuunibyou," a colloquial term from Japan used to characterize early teens with grandiose delusions, a strong desire to stand out, and the conviction that they possess knowledge or secret hidden powers, i.e. exactly what Uto is. "Uto" is also an alternative interpretation of the kanj "shijin," which translates to "poet."
Meido Mai - Similar to Mei, Mai's surname, "Meido" is pronounced in Japanese similarly to how "maid" is. However, it is spelled with the wrong kanji, which could highlight how Mai is an inexperienced maid in comparison to the perfect maid that is Mei. "Mai" can also mean "little sister."
Bonnouji Momoha - The "Bonnou" in Bonnouji means "worldly desires," and "Momoha" means "108" referencing the 108 worldly desires of Buddhist terminology.
Baio Rin - Her full name is a pun on how the word for "violin" is pronounced in Japanese, but also sounds like the world "violent" or "violence." Her name is also a reference to "Biohazard" the Japanese name of the violent horror shooter game series, Resident Evil.
Hifumi Suu - "Hi Fu Mi" literally means "1 2 3" in the Goroawase wordplay system. Suu also means "number."
Kaho Eira - Kaho's name is a pun on "Capoeira" the style of Brazilian martial arts that she practices.
Nekonari Tama - Nekonari contains the kanji "Neko" and "Naru", which when put together means "to become a cat." Tama means "beads" but is also a homophone for "ball" referring to how cats like playing with balls of yarn.
Saiki Himeka - "Sai" means "talent," "ki" means "strange." "Hime" means "princess" and ""ka" means "song." Himeka uses the first kanji of her first name and the second kanji of her last name for her stage name, "Kiki," literally translating to "weird princess" or "strange princess."
Dei Matsuri - "Matsuri" literally means "festival," and "Dei" is derived from the ending particle of Edo dialect speech. "Dei" effectively replaces the standard ending particles "desu" and "da," emphasizing Dei's cockney English dialect.
Usami Shiina - Usami is a short abbreviation of "Usagi no Mimi", which means "bunny ears." Additionally, her full name is a pun on "Ū samishī na" which means "Ugh, I'm so lonely," naturally referring to how Shiina is unable to engage in solo activities due to her autophobia
#the 100 girlfriends who really really really really really love you#kimi no koto ga daidaidaidaidaisuki na 100 nin no kanojo#aijou rentarou#hakari hanazono#inda karane#shizuka yoshimoto#nano eiai#kusuri yakuzen#hahari hanazono#kurumi haraga#mei meido#iku sutou#mimimi utsukushisugi#meme kakure#chiyo iin#yamato nadeshiko#yamame yasashiki#momiji momi#yaku yakuzen#kishika torotoro#kedarui aashii#uto nakaji#mai meido#momoha bonnouji#rin baio#suu hifumi#eira kaho#tama nekonari#himeka saiki#matsuri dei
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“CHIAROSCURO” was very well-written! May I request a oneshot of Yuji Itadori within the recent manga chapters? Instead of Choso, the one to protect him from Furnace was the reader, and they have a final “date” in a innate domain of sorts and say their goodbyes before the reader is burned to nothing. Have a good day! 💝
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── 1800 DEGREES
Synopsis: By some miracle, you are granted the gift of saying goodbye to Yuji Itadori, one last time.
Event Masterlist
Pairing: Itadori x Reader
Chapter Word Count: 2.0k
Content Warnings: jjk spoilers, angst, character death, nobara is dead fr in this, lots of talk about heat (literally not erotically), reader and yuji’s history is left very vague
A/N: it’s actually criminal how long this has been in my inbox omg i’m so sorry!! but i’m glad you liked chiaroscuro anon and i love your mind for angst HEHE i hope this fits what you were going for!! sorry again that it took a bit 😫 also 1800 degrees fahrenheit is the highest temperature that a typical crematorium’s ovens will be set at so uh reference ig 😓 if you were wondering why the title is so odd
Additional: part of my 500 follower event! see the event description and rules to make a request of your own.
It was hot — unbearably so. You could not even sweat, it was that level of scalding, and you knew that within a few moments, you would lose any ability to think, to reason or feel. That meant you had to act now and act quickly, before you lost your final hope at anything resembling a victory.
Yuji, dear Yuji. You had to protect him; it was the only thing you knew, the only thing you could concentrate on as the flames of Sukuna’s Domain licked closer towards you. You could not falter nor flinch. You could only think of him, though this, at least, was nothing difficult — because so many of your thoughts had been occupied by his presence throughout the past year that it was all but a habit at this point for your mind to linger on him.
He was shouting at you. He must’ve been, though you were hardly and dimly aware of it. He never raised his voice at you, but all rules had their exceptions, and this was one such exception, one such circumstance in which even the mild-mannered Yuji Itadori could be driven to screaming at you.
Only your technique could do it. No other would be of sufficient strength to protect against Sukuna’s fire, but this immense power came with a cost: it could only save one person. That was it. You could only save one person, and every other time you had been selfish and saved yourself, but not today. Today, when you cast that barrier, whose summoning was as learned as it was innate, the shimmering wall did not form around you but, for the first time, sprang up around another person entirely.
You wanted to look at him. You didn’t want to confront Sukuna and give him that satisfaction, and neither were you brave enough to stare at your impending doom with your shoulders squared and your head held high. Instead, you turned your back to it and kept your eyes firmly locked on Yuji’s, smiling in the face of his horror, trying to reassure him with your gaze if not your words that this was your decision, that he was the one who had to do it, because nobody else could. Because you could not, certainly you could not. This was the last thing you could offer him.
Reaching out your hand, you pressed it to the barrier, your fingers splaying against the cursed energy, which had coalesced into a form as solid as diamond. There, you waited, as his muscles trembled, as he shook his head, over and over in a firm denial, his mouth moving like he was rejecting what was happening though it was out of his power to do so. His hand moved despite his stubborn insistence, resting opposite yours in a clear farewell, forehead slamming against the barrier as he tried fruitlessly to get to you.
You wished that, in these final moments, there was not this wall between you. You wished that, if you had to leave him forever, you could hold onto him one last time. You wished that you could say goodbye, properly instead of through this impenetrable barrier.
Then a sensation engulfed you, warm and strong, not burning and anguishing as you had expected. It took you a moment to realize that you were longer in Sukuna’s Domain but instead in a different location, a sweet-smelling meadow dappled with sunlight and wildflowers, and that sensation which you still felt was the tenderness of Yuji’s embrace.
You wanted to ask him: where are we? How is this happening? Is it even real? Are you real? Have these past few months been nothing but a nightmare, and is this then the truth? But all you could do was sniffle, burying your face in his shoulder, pulling yourself closer to his chest and clutching onto him as tightly as you could.
“Y/N,” he whispered, his voice cracking, one of his hands traveling up from your waist to the nape of your neck, clinging to you as tears welled in your eyes and splashed onto his skin. “Y/N, I—”
“I’m frightened,” you said. “Don’t speak about it. I’m very frightened, and I don’t want to — I don’t want to think about it or talk about it or anything. By some miracle, I have been given this last chance to see you, and I don’t want to ruin it by being frightened.”
His nose pressed against your cheek as he inclined his head, a small, choked sound escaping from him. Besides that, he was silent for a while, and then: “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier.”
“I didn’t hear it,” you said.
“I still did it,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“I think I can find it in my heart to forgive you,” you said, trying to laugh as best as you could. “Just barely.”
He let you go, though now his hands came to rest on your shoulders, and he was so gentle even when you knew he was falling apart that it brought tears to your eyes anew. You raised your own hand up so that it could trace against the scar by his lip, and he let out a shuddery, achy sigh.
“Is that the only thing you forgive me for?” he said.
“It’s the only thing that bears forgiving,” you said. “Nothing else you’ve ever done is something you should apologize for, so what more could I forgive? Let’s sit.”
Now that you were less bewildered, you took the time to take in your surroundings properly. The clearing you were in was composed more of white and pink than green, a carpet of blooms in many heights sprawling out until they hit the surrounding trees, whose branches arced up towards the sky like they were protecting the two of you. Somewhere in the distance, a creek bubbled happily, but that was the only sound, besides the breeze and Yuji’s soft breathing.
You leaned against Yuji’s shoulder, your eyes fluttering shut as he nervously picked flowers, his fingers ever needing to remain busy, a companion to his racing mind.
“This is the last time I’ll see you, isn’t it?” he said, the rise and fall of his chest growing progressively quicker. “Because you…you know. It’s goodbye forever, isn’t it?”
“We’re luckier than most,” you said. “At least we get to say goodbye in the first place.”
“Not that lucky,” he said. “We still have to say goodbye, so how can we be lucky?”
“I never said lucky. Just that some people don’t get to say goodbye at all,” you said. “And here we are in such a wonderful place to get to do it.”
“Do you think it’s real?” he said.
“I should be asking you that,” you said. “Is this a trick being played by my mind? Or are we here together? For me it doesn’t matter, but I can’t help hoping that it’s real, or at least that you are. I want you to remember, too.”
“I’ll remember,” he said. “I’ll never forget it. Until the day I die, I’ll remember this. Remember you.”
“If you ever get married and have kids one day, will you tell them about me?” you said. “Not in the sense that you loved me before their mother, or more than her, or anything like that. Just that we were friends, and I saved your life once or twice.”
“We’re not friends, though,” he said.
“No, I suppose we’re not,” you said.
He nudged you in the side. You peered up at him, his shimmering eyes and the way his nose scrunched so that he could attempt to appear happy, and you raised your eyebrows. He lifted a garland of flowers up, like he was asking for your permission, and when you nodded he set it atop your head like a crown.
“You look like a princess,” he said. “So pretty.”
“I’m relying on you,” you said. “I can’t see myself, so if I look like a fool, then you have to be honest and say as much.”
“I’m telling the truth,” he said. “You’re as beautiful as the day we met. Or even more. I don’t know.”
“I want to go back to that day,” you said. “Go back and relive the past few months in an endless loop, just so I could meet you every time.”
“Even with everything else that happened?” he said.
“Yes,” you said. “Even with everything else that happened. I’d suffer it again and again, just to experience the day I first saw you once more.”
He held your face still with his roughened hands, leaning down and pressing his lips against your own. You sought him out, your hands running through his hair, his rubbing against your jaw, the heat of his mouth different and yet so similar to the way you knew the fire of your death would feel. But this was a fire and a death you could choose, would choose, over and over until there was nothing left of you to burn away.
“It’s not fair,” he said when he pulled away. “Why do you have to leave? Why are you leaving me?”
“I just have to,” you said, fanning yourself as the sun beat down hotter than before. Yuji seemed unaffected, cocking his head at you for the odd behavior, but you only shrugged.
“Why can’t I go with you?” he said.
“You have to stay and protect the rest of the world,” you said. His brow furrowed, and you knew it was the same conflict that warred in him eternally springing to life once again. You did not want for him to be conflicted, though. He could not afford to be, not when everything was resting on his shoulders. “Yuji. Yuji, I’m so hot. Why aren’t you sweating? Why don’t you feel it?”
“What are you talking about?” he said in alarm. You stood, panting, pacing around to dissipate the blistering feeling crawling on your skin. “It’s the same temperature as before. It’s nice out, Y/N. Why are you acting like this?”
But it was not nice anymore, it was like you had been submerged in a vat of boiling water. Walking through the air felt like swimming, and in the corner of your vision, you saw something shimmer. It was a shade of red that you had not seen in so long; unbidden and despite your enduring discomfort, you grinned.
“Yuji,” you breathed. “Yuji, she’s here. It’s Kugisaki!”
“Where?” he said, head whipping about. You pointed at the visage of the girl, who was standing and waiting at the edge of the clearing, her hands folded behind her back and a placid smile on her face. “There’s no one there. Y/N, Y/N, please stop, there’s no one there…”
“She’s there,” you repeated, trying to tug him to his feet and finding that he was stuck by some invisible force. “She’s there.”
“Stop!” he said as you backed away, making his own effort to stand but finding himself unable to. You walked towards where Kugisaki was waiting for you, leaving the struggling Yuji behind. “Y/N, stop! Wait! Just one more minute, just give me that much!”
You turned to look at him one final time. He was reaching out for you, but you knew without really knowing how you did that it was futile. At least for now, he could not reach you. Kugisaki was beckoning you to a place that Yuji could not follow, a place that you did not even want him to.
He shook his head at you, one last, desperate effort that even he must’ve known was doomed to failure. “Please.”
You smiled at him. “Let’s not meet for a while, Yuji. Think about me every now and then, won’t you?”
With that, you took Kugisaki’s hand and allowed her to drag you somewhere far away, where you would never again know pain and the air was cool instead of searing, where you would wait until enough years had passed that you could see Yuji Itadori again.
#yuji x reader#itadori x reader#yuji x you#itadori x you#yuji x y/n#itadori x y/n#yuji itadori#jjk x reader#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#reader insert#canon au#jjk spoilers#m1ckeyb3rry milestone#m1ckeyb3rry writes
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In search of freedom (Ch. 7)
7. What do you wish for?
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0c55a2449de893c3e6b3585a4792d12f/8dd68a82822cee45-7f/s540x810/29db2d2bf5534cd0c74d7d9668e20b24369e4c20.jpg)
⠀⠀➺ fic masterlist
⠀⠀➺ Chapter 6 ; Chapter 7 ; Chapter 8
⠀⠀⠀⠀She's been searching for freedom her entire life and everytime she thought it was laying right in front of her eyes, she was mistaken. She was running around the East Blue, seeking herself and her dreams, meeting people she never forgot. No matter how much she traveled, she could only catch a glimpse of peace before realizing everything would crumble at her feet.
⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe it was destiny that brought her on that ship with three strangers — foolishly, that's what she tried to believe when the moon shined beautifully and hope settled in her chest, squeezed by the same ribcage where feelings were blooming.
Pairing: female!reader x OPLA Zoro Roronoa
Warnings for this chapter: angst, graphic depictions of deaths and fatal wounds, self-harm, brief suicidal mention, canon-typical violence, tiny bit comfort at the end
Word count: 8,4 k
Theme song: fic spotify playlist (click on the link)
A/N: I'm glad I could finish the chapter so early and there are some scenes in here that I really loved writing. Also, I want you to pay close attention to the fight Witch has with the fishman. The anime watchers and manga readers that got far enough with One Piece will probably get it faster ;)
I'd be happy to hear your opinions on this chapter. Every interaction is appreciated and thank you so much for sticking to this story till now <3
The reader is referred to as "Witch" because I have no intentions of using "Y/N".
"What is your dream?"
While she would've rather expected that question to come from Luffy, the tipsy Zoro by her side, leaned against the mast, seemed to be rather intrigued by her reasons to remain with Luffy.
When she turned her head towards him, one of her suppositions was proved to be right: the stars above shone beautifully, but nothing could compare to the swordsman's brown eyes. In the dark, his dark chocolate irises were swallowed by pupils dark as the depths of the oceans. No. Dark and beautiful as the night sky she teared her gaze away from.
Her silence could've been interpreted in many ways and Zoro might become suspicious, but his already flushed state seemed to swallow everything in. He only looked back at her.
The witch couldn't exactly spot the specific aura of his gaze. He wasn't only flushed because of the alcohol, no. He seemed… soft, even. His shoulders were relaxed and the grip on the empty bottle loosened up.
His question was simply something she didn't expect, as he was always down to earth, similarly to Nami. However, there was a tiny difference — he proudly admitted he wanted to become the strongest swordsman in the world.
"I—," the word left her lips like a mere whisper.
Her determination faltered under the weight of the alcohol. Until that moment, after sharing some ugly parts of her past, his remarks made her laugh and chuckle happily.
"I want to be free."
One simple wish that could have so many connotations.
"I don't see any rope around your wrists."
His voice was like a low rumble coming from the depths of his chest, such a pleasant and soothing sound.
Their eye contact didn't break. Their gazes were locked together and she couldn't bring herself to be mad about it, especially when she was drunk enough to let vulnerable sides of her poor soul see the light of the stars.
Faint, shy, but it was there.
"I want to be free from myself and the expectations everyone has of me," she clarified. "Free from the rules of the world, written or unwritten. Free from the Marines that are now on my tail."
"Why did you become a pirate if you wanted to be free from the Navy?"
"The sea always looked like a place where I could be free," she admitted with a weak voice. The same tiny voice her younger self used to have when dreaming of a future.
Zoro knitted his eyebrows together and blinked, staring at the small beauty mark on her face he just noticed. He seemed deep in thought or rather trying to figure out the meaning of her words.
He was rarely so concentrated outside of critical situations like fights.
"Are you free now, then?"
With a gulp, she shook her head.
"No."
One word. One heavy weight on her soul.
"How do you wanna be free?" came another question from the swordsman.
"I have no clue."
The cage around her was a metaphor. She always felt like iron bars squeezed her tighter and tighter, until she broke down, a situation that occurred only a few times a year and was always hidden from prying eyes.
Realistically, there was no free place in that world. The Marine wasn't by any means as righteous as they wanted to look like and they were certainly not saviors. Of course, there were plenty of pirates that did nothing else but harm everyone and everything they laid eyes on. Some of them had ugly souls, dark and dirtied by greed.
However, there were plenty of people that were so-called pirates and yet never harmed unless they had to protect someone. Like Luffy or Usopp. They never took anyone's life.
Like her father.
She wasn't one of those pirates. The witch has killed people, even if never solely for blood thirst. Or, at least, not yet. She deserved to die, to never see the light of a new day.
A personal justice system — that's what she's always had, that's what she grew to learn about from the crew she left barely a year ago.
Deep down, she knew she would never be free. There was no liberty for a monster.
When she looked at Zoro, she also wanted him to taste freedom on his tongue. Maybe he already knew what that felt like.
If she couldn't find her own freedom, she could settle for protecting her friends' freedom. That would be more than enough, right?
"Aren't you at fault for your own lack of freedom?" Zoro pulled her out of her thoughts.
His question might've sounded as insensitive and accusing, but she was aware the swordsman didn't mean it that way. He always had his own way with words and, unfortunately, he got misinterpreted most of the time.
He was simply stating a probable truth.
Then I suppose I should get rid of my—
No. There was no time to think of such things, even if she was drunk and vulnerable. Admitting that to his face would be shameful of her.
Maybe she wasn't that ready to share secrets yet, was she?
"I most probably am," the witch whispered as she averted her eyes back to the sky splattered with stars. "At the end of the day, I'm the only one taking into account what others say and how they affect me."
She didn't know exactly how to pursue freedom, but she was certain of something else: if that beautiful future stood in front of her, Zoro was probably one of the ways to find out.
•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•
The witch wasn't able to find freedom if she died at that moment, with the blue hand of a fishman gripping at her throat. There was a lingering ache at the crown of her head from when he pushed her against the wall.
Her eyes squeezed shut while life seemed to slip from her hold, the same way her fingers lost their force while clutching onto the fishman's forearm. She had to find a way to get out of there, to breathe, because her lungs were already begging for some oxygen. Her vision was getting blurry and the pain in her entire throat spread like fire through her body.
Maybe it was because of her hyper-aware state, but she could swear the wound on her bicep was bloody again considering the sharp pain shooting through her arm.
No. There was no time to die and beg for forgiveness — and whose forgiveness could she ask for if she stays alive? Exactly. No one's.
The witch didn't know if she breathed in air or it just felt awfully familiar to that sensation, but her lungs suddenly swallowed something fresh and powerful. It ate the pain hungrily, destroying every doubt in her mind the more she thought of her promises, of the corpse of a father who still whispered in her dreams "go find your freedom".
The grip on the fishman's arm grew tighter, stronger, until her nails dug into the scales and penetrated them. Her fingers ached, the skin around her nails scratched harshly by the sharp broken scales. Fresh blood surfaced.
Her eyes opened up slowly, burning with each one of her promises, this time including her own — If I can't find freedom, I'll make it.
Every nerve in her body burnt and she tasted drugs on the tip of her tongue, an addiction threatening to clutch onto her and take control.
Power.
The witch has never been one to love power, to ache for it and yet, there she was, with a devil-like grin growing on her face.
Power.
It ate her alive and she loved that sensation. The steadiness of her heartbeats, the cage of ribs that broke to make place for that overwhelming feeling.
Power will never take control of me.
Her eyes bore holes through the fishman's entire being. There was no need for her revolver when two shining irises had the same effect.
Her vision and mind has never been clearer.
The fishman was struck. A weight settled on his shoulders, pulling him down, doubts flickering in his head.
Claws sank into his eyes, into his face and throat, clutching at his heart, threatening to pull it out of his chest.
The fishman stumbled and dropped her.
His strong grip on her throat left blooming red marks. They were ugly and her neck felt tender, but her nerves didn't register the pain properly because of the adrenaline running through her veins.
The witch immediately took the opportunity, despite the lack of air in her lungs. She crouched down to take her gun, but before she could shoot again, a loud sound got her attention.
The door of the restaurant broke at the floor underneath her when Luffy got thrown right into it by Arlong.
On the side of the stairs where Usopp crawled down was Sanji struggling to get back up after he cracked his back at the harsh contact with a table.
People were hiding under chairs and bars from the fishmen's wrath.
Her anger was fueled by each single detail. One of her shoulders felt light, while the other was heavy. The monster lurking inside her had one eye open — the same one that pushed her to cuss out Mihawk back when Zoro got a cut through his chest. The same monster she wouldn't trade anything for, because wrath has always been her forte.
The small flame of revenge started burning in the pits of her stomach. Steadily. Still vague, easy to control.
She ran down the stairs and passed by Usopp, who was at that moment helping Sanji get on his feet. The witch got out of Baratie, suddenly stopping in her tracks when she saw Arlong standing a few meters in front of her.
That fucker—
Luffy shouted something along the lines of Gum Gum and she knew that was his fight to deal with.
However, it was a fight she didn't know if he would win at that time, considering the way Arlong only turned his head to the side when he got punched in the face by Luffy's fists. The fishman spat blood on the wooden floor while he stepped closer and closer to the Straw Hat.
In a fraction, the punch Luffy received sent him flying in the sails of a boat and he fell down with a thud, grunting. It was stupid of him to provoke Arlong further, but Luffy has never been to give up or let his enemies feel the satisfaction of a victory without a proper fight.
The witch wondered if her captain didn't break a rib or two after being punched and thrown around for so long. He still had the energy to throw his fists into Arlong's face with all he's got, using his rubber arms to attack from meters away.
His Devil Fruit powers were definitely the only reason why he was alive.
But not for much longer.
Arlong muttered something with a growl and once he sank his hand in the water, the witch knew it wasn't going to end well.
The fishman didn't just splash Luffy; no, he soaked the Straw Hat to the bone and the hit with both sea water and brute force got Luffy to the ground. It was his biggest weakness.
The witch's eyes widened when she saw Arlong grabbing at Luffy's shirt and lifting him in the air, opening his mouth to reveal razor-sharp teeth.
Her feet carried her for only a second and she almost shouted out for Luffy out of despair — she would rather be stabbed in the stomach countless times than feel helpless again. Out of instinct, the hand holding the gun raised, aiming at—
"Arlong, wait!"
Nami.
The witch snapped her head towards her friend.
The orange-haired woman stomped her feet and came, leaving the Going Merry behind her. The tank-top she wore exposed a strange old tattoo on her left shoulder. She was clutching tightly onto a thin and long cylinder.
"I have it," she addressed Arlong. "I have the map."
The map.
"I got it for you, just like I said I would."
The witch blinked away the confusion that almost made her hazy and stepped in front of Nami, stopping her from moving forward.
"Nami," the witch knitted her eyebrows together. "What's going on?"
Nami's eyes held no clear emotion besides a flicker of anger.
"Exactly what you knew all along."
It was one of those times when the witch wished her tarot was wrong.
She shook her head, one of her hands gripping at Nami's wrist.
"Nami," the witch squeezed her friend's hand tighter, scared it would slip from between her fingers.
"Let go."
Nami snatched her arm out of the witch's hold and her jaw ticked. She wasn't only annoyed, there had to be more in her eyes.
"You cannot possibly tell me you want to do this," the witch insisted, stepping even closer, until she was one breath away from the navigator.
Their intense gazes clashed together and none of them let the walls fall.
"But here I am, ain't I?" Nami cocked an eyebrow.
When the orange-haired passed by, her shoulder collided harshly with the witch's who was still stuck in place.
No fucking way.
The witch needed time to think, she had to search for some clarification with her tarot cards. She needed more time to read the energy, to figure out the situation, to understand what, where, why and when. Nothing made sense and time passed by so fast she couldn't even process it all.
Luffy was so disoriented he didn't even pour enough force in his hands to get rid of Arlong's grip on the collar of his shirt.
"Nami?" he firmly spoke. "What are you doing?"
"I tried to tell you, Luffy," Nami continued walking towards him. "I was never on Your crew. I only joined up with you so I could steal the map."
"I don't believe that," Luffy denied.
"That's because you only believe what you want to believe. Doesn't make it true."
Nami, for fuck's sake, we both know you're lying—
The witch opened her mouth, ready to argue, to yell from the top of her lungs, but with one glance thrown to Arlong, she stopped. Saying the wrong thing might get Nami in great danger and she might lose credibility in front of him.
"Sister Nami's a loyal member of the Arlong Pirates," Arlong started speaking, pointing with his chin towards the one in question. "She has been for years."
The witch didn't know why she still protected Nami, but she was certainly not going to give up on her friend at that time.
Nami shoved the map in Arlong's nose to get his attention to her — or maybe the witch has gotten to another level of delusion.
"Why waste your time killing a Devil Fruit eater?" Nami reminded the fishman as if it wasn't a death sentence. "Let the sea do it for you."
"Nami, this is too far, cut the crap—" the witch revolted immediately.
Before she could make any step towards Luffy, she was grabbed by the back of her neck and launched into the wall of Baratie with sheer force — it was one of Arlong's asshole crewmates. She groaned in pain and squeezed her eyes. The shoulder she fell on sent sharp spikes through the entire left side of her body.
She cussed out, struggling to get back to her feet when Arlong let Luffy drown in the sea. The witch let out a shout of the Straw Hat's name and one of her knees betrayed her, resulting in another unceremonious fall to the ground.
Lucky for her, an arm curled around her front to help her up, a silver ring resting on the finger of the man.
"Luffy fell in the water, go now!" she didn't even wait to be properly raised to her feet to urge Sanji to jump.
Her aching body and the lack of strength wouldn't help her get Luffy out of the sea. She didn't even clearly notice when the cook left her side and jumped into the sea, too caught up in the agitation inside of her. Events passed by her faster than light. All she saw was a discarded shirt.
She wasn't sure because of what powers she managed to walk on the deck, at the edge where the other two should appear from under the water. Her head turned when she recognized Usopp from her peripherals.
"Luffy?" he asked, panic building up as his hands shook.
The witch would have responded if not for the answer to appear right under their noses. Sanji held Luffy tightly by the collar and pushed him on the dock with Usopp's help who dragged him.
The witch extended her hand to bring Sanji on the dock with them and since then, things turned blurry despite her open eyes.
•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•
Now the only woman in the crew, the witch sat on the floor in the room that used to be Nami's, her back leaning back against the wooden wall. With eyes devoid of life, she stared up at the ceiling while pulling her knees closer to her chest, once again trying to hide herself from everyone. From everything.
On Nami's bed there was still an inert swordsman and he didn't even flinch when she tentatively said his name after entering the room.
"Fucking dammit," she squeezed her eyes shut.
Nami left. Zoro was unconscious. Luffy almost drowned if not for Sanji. Usopp was bluffing about how "everything has to be alright".
She didn't know if he was trying to convince himself or her.
Because everything was wrong. It felt wrong.
The witch took in a deep breath, but only half of the oxygen she inhaled got to her lungs and brain because of her constricted throat. Tears were sitting on her waterline for the fourth time that day.
Too much happened since the crack of dawn and it wasn't even sunset.
Exhaustion made her look years older than she was. Her head fell forward, forehead hitting her knees before the light sneaking through the windows could fall on her face.
Tears filled with anguish ran down her cheeks and it was the first time she allowed herself to let at least an ounce of the weight on top of her body dissipate. The droplets of pain melted down her cheeks and sank into the material of her shirt.
The witch sneaked her arms around the back of her thighs and squeezed herself tighter in a ball, lips trembling. Her breathing was ragged not only because of the lump in her throat, but also because of the firm grip that fishman had on her neck. The skin was sensitive to the touch and it hurt to swallow.
Every event of that day got added one on top of another. Her fight with Zoro, the fact that he was unconscious after that dwell, Nami leaving just like the witch expected to.
Betrayal. Maybe I was a fool for trusting her.
Or am I?
Teeth sank so deeply into her lower lip it drew blood and she tasted copper on the tip of her tongue.
Pain. That was right.
The only right thing happening that day was the physical pain. Palpable, real, bringing her back to earth.
Except that time it failed, because the tears didn't stop. She squeezed her eyes shut as sharp pain traveled through her body, from her chest into her limbs, puncturing each nerve, shaking her to the core.
Her soul screamed, caged by sorrow, an ugly animal that sank its fangs into her flesh and ripped from the inside. Blood was pouring from her heart, soaking organs and bones, melting into the skin like acid. It burnt so fastly, yet it never seemed to end. With a throbbing head, she couldn't hold the pain back anymore.
However, no sound ever left her lips parted in a silent scream. No whimper, no sob, no cry for help. The room was filled with silence as a heartbeat drummed in her ears in an agonizing rhythm.
I shouldn't have come on this ship in the first place. Only if I had been wise enough to leave when I got the chance. Syrup Village was a perfect option, I could've gone on another ship and continued my mindless traveling. Why did I bother myself with this? Why did I suddenly decide it was a great idea to be part of another crew when this only has brought me suffering?
With each second, she willingly aimed the gun at herself and every word was like a bullet.
I should've left. I would've been happier. I should've left it all behind when I realized this won't go well. Fuck the premonitions, fuck the destiny, damned be the world.
A body stripped of clothes and skin, only burnt flesh left behind the monster's bites. Broken ribs and a shattered heart pumping a meaningless life.
As seconds passed by one after another and her tears came to an end, the gentle swinging of the ship pulled her into a half-asleep state.
She noticed when Luffy came into the room and she was aware of his position on Zoro's bed — the cracking of the wood gave him away. As the Straw Hat talked, she only heard the swordsman's name being spoken, some words here and there, but most of his monologue was muffled.
He probably thought she was asleep because of her slow and steady breathing.
Exhaustion was clawing at her muscles and brain, but something kept her aware of the surroundings for a few more minutes.
Everything turned pitch black in her perspective. A husky and deep voice made her believe she was dreaming, the tips of her mouth curling shily upwards.
Only if it would've been reality.
"Zoro!"
Her entire body flinched and she raised her head, wide eyed. If she didn't know any better, she would've said her soul jumped out of her.
"Luffy?" she whispered, confused on why he yelled the swordsman's name—
"You're not dead!" Luffy shouted again, loud enough for everyone in Baratie to hear.
He's alive? the witch thought to herself. I really heard his voice.
Luffy crawled on top of Zoro and squeezed the life out of him. Literally.
"Now I wish I was," she heard Zoro mumble between grunts.
He was alive.
The witch's lungs filled with fresh air for the first time that day. Relief washed over her and her body relaxed, shoulders deflating as some of the weight sitting on them fell into the sea below.
While leaning her body against the wall, she managed to get up just to get a better view of the swordsman who was squinting his eyes at the ceiling. A heavy sigh escaped her lips, head falling forward.
At least one thing went right, didn't it?
After Luffy got up from above Zoro, the swordsman managed to take some deep gulps of air, chest raising up and falling rhythmically.
"I had the strangest dream that Nami left," he said with a frown on his face as he closed his eyes.
"She did," the witch responded faintly.
There wasn't enough courage in her to look at him as she said that, instead choosing to glance at the window.
Zoro looked again at the ceiling and realized her voice was too faint for all of that to be a mere joke, a prank thrown at him for staying unconscious for… for how long?
"It's my fault," Luffy said with his chin lowered.
From the corner of his eye, Zoro saw the witch place a hand on their captain's shoulder.
"We'll find a way."
There was a promise etched onto her fragile smile. As if a simple brush of air or one wrong world could make her crumble.
But she didn't. Instead, she threw a knowing look to Zoro and silently told him to talk with Luffy. She knew the Straw Hat needed his first mate's support at that moment.
What confused Zoro the most was watching the witch get out of the room without too much of a word. Her hair bounced as she stepped further away from him and their friends. Even as his ribs and body hurt at every inhale, he wanted to understand the real reason for her leaving.
Last time they talked, she expressed worry. What happened in the meantime? What the fuck went wrong?
There was a fat chance she was still mad at him for whatever reason. Sure, she was calm, collected, but he could swear he's seen fire burning in her eyes more than just once and a grin splayed on her face at the thrill and adrenaline of a fight. She snapped at him when they fought and he had to admit it would've been sadder if she treated him with silence.
However, he didn't know if that was silence or something more.
Weird, he concluded.
His attention went back to Luffy. The swordsman couldn't manage watching the ever happy-go-lucky captain speak like a ghost.
"You didn't do anything wrong." He seriously hoped he could find the right words to bring Luffy back to reality.
There's no way that crew would fall apart without a proper fight. What has been was just the beginning.
"You acted like a captain."
"But the crew is falling apart," Luffy pulled his lips in a tight line.
"No, it's not," the green-haired firmly affirmed.
Maybe a lot more than Zoro thought has happened, but that was definitely not the end.
•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•
Before the sun could set and hide in the sea, they gathered some supplies for their new journey. They found out from the clown head — who they found out told Arlong where to find the Straw Hats — that Nami was most probably heading to Conomi Islands, specifically Cocoyashi Village. Sanji joined their crew, which made Luffy jump in excitement for the second time that day.
Luffy's folded arms were resting over the railing of Going Merry while he stared down at the water splashing against the ship.
"Does it always take so long?" Luffy spoke so softly.
Sanji chuckled with the fishing rod in his hand as he waited for a fish to catch the bait.
"We've only been here for two minutes, be patient," the cook reminded him. "Some days, they bite as soon as you drop the line and some days, it takes hours."
Then, he threw a knowing glance towards Luffy with an arch of his eyebrow.
"But we're not talking about fishing, are we?"
"I highly doubt it," the witch mumbled as she curled her fingers around her tarot deck.
She didn't dare to shuffle through the cards again, a side of her afraid of what was waiting for them. It felt uneasy everytime she got the impulse of taking the cards out and finding out which one of them holds the truth.
The witch was leaning with her back against the railing, not so far away from the Straw Hat, pressing her fingertips into the old box made of cardboard that fit perfectly in her hands.
Luffy smiled towards Sanji before he stared into the horizon with hope.
"I just want to know if Nami's okay."
"A beautiful, talented woman does not choose to ally herself with a pirate like Arlong," Sanji said firmly, convinced of his beliefs. "Nami clearly needs to be rescued."
The witch breathed in deeply and widened her eyes, trying to find the right words to tell them what she knew. A pair of heavy steps caught her attention and she immediately recognized the chiming filling the air.
Zoro. His hand was resting on his Wado Ichimoji — his only sword now.
"Her tattoo says different," he said.
The way he looked at the witch was bringing back to life some shattered pieces of her soul. He might look serene when sleeping, but he was better that way — wide awake and an asshole.
Also, he noticed something she couldn't pinpoint. There must've been a scar on her face, most probably. At first, he only stared at her face, just to lower his gaze. Oh. She didn't sleep for two days and got in a fight with a fishman, which left some nasty bruises on her bare neck.
"Well," Sanji argued, "tattoos don't tell the whole story. And like any woman, she's a mystery to be unraveled."
"Am I supposed to feel flattered?" the witch arched her eyebrow at the cook after she turned her head towards him.
Right at that moment, Zoro stepped between her and Luffy, restricting her view. All she could see was his chest, bandaged and with a red patch in the center.
"You should change your bandages," she looked up at him.
However, the witch was hesitant when she did so. As if the man in front of her could vanish in thin air.
Zoro turned to Sanji and decided to completely ignore her comment.
"Nami made her choice."
The cook immediately frowned, creases appearing on his forehead. His scowl was deeper than Zoro's.
"You don't know why," Sanji retorted.
As if getting snapped by Usopp, Zoro scoffed:
"The only thing I want to hear from you are dinner specials. You don't know Nami."
"Sounds like you don't know her either, Mosshead," Sanji spat with a taunting smile on his lips.
"Oh God, stop, you two," the witch sighed heavily, annoyed.
Just to get the swordsman's attention to her, she poked his back with the tip of her finger, digging deep enough to receive a light flinch. It seemed like she took him by surprise. She bent her back more as she continued resting her elbows on the railing to glance at Luffy over Zoro's shoulder.
"I'm sure Nami has her reasons," their captain nodded.
"I know Nami's reason."
All of their heads turned to the witch.
Usopp was just walking up the stairs of the forecastle when his eyes sparkled curiously.
"What are you guys talking about?"
"Nami," Zoro said quickly. "Why didn't you say anything until now?" that time, his sharp words were directed to the witch.
The witch shot him a glare, displeased by his reaction. However, she would've acted the same if someone was to hide something so important.
"It would've felt unfair to tell you before talking with her," the witch clarified.
"You talked with her about it?" Usopp suddenly intervened, surprised by the news.
The witch gripped at the tarot deck in between her hands tighter and clicked her tongue, trying to find the best words to explain.
"I did. Somehow," uncertainty latched onto her voice.
None of them rushed her anymore so she took her time.
"Listen, this isn't as easy as it seems to be. Yes, Sanji, she didn't willingly get into Arlong's crew."
A snarky remark sat on the cook's tongue and he wanted to throw it Zoro's way.
"But," the witch continued in order to stop an eventual argument, "she's fully aware of her actions. She was forced by the circumstances to do what she's doing, but it doesn't mean she likes acting like Arlong's crewmate. Nami certainly hates him from the bottom of her heart. He did something. Something that forced her to act like she's a friend just to protect something or someone. Or both. She's not only protecting herself, she's protecting what's most dear to her heart."
It wasn't the witch that spoke, but the gut feeling she had. Her thoughts didn't seem so clear in months, since her last successful tarot reading. Now, as the significance of each card sank into her brain, she knew what everything meant.
It wasn't her that spoke, but her intuition.
"She's keeping us away because she's scared we'd get hurt, not only because we would get in her way. Nami cares about us and that's exactly why she's pushing us away."
"Who does that?" Zoro wondered out loud.
Maybe he should've kept that to himself.
"You do that," the witch's head snapped towards him. "I do it. And Nami does. She said she tricked us — which was true. At the same time, she's tricking Arlong. He isn't her crewmate, he's an asshole that stole something from her—"
The witch got so carried away she didn't even realize what she just said. She suddenly furrowed her eyebrows into the void and received confused looks from her friends.
"He stole something. Her freedom."
Those words were said as she actively figured the details out, staring into the void.
"Witch?" Usopp nudged her.
"Yes?" she turned towards him.
"Did she tell you all these things?"
There was a light chuckle that left her lips at that question.
"The cards did. Her reactions just gave her away and answered my doubts."
The witch knew what games she was playing. She's been doing these things for years and not only — she trusted her gut feeling above everything else.
She received an especially confused look from the cook, who had no clue why she was called a witch. He probably supposed it was because she was beautiful or maybe secretive.
He should've taken that nickname literally.
"What do we do then?" Zoro turned his head towards their captain.
Luffy listened intently to everything the witch had to say and he made up his mind since long ago:
"I want to hear her decision for myself."
"That's for the best," the witch nodded.
There was more she would've liked to say, but speaking from the gut was both easier than usual and harder when tired. Considering the last time she got some proper sleep was before they got attacked by the Marines, she could say it's been long enough for her mind to get clouded.
Stuck in her thoughts as she was, the grip on her tarot deck loosened up and the object fell from her hold on the wooden floor. The witch's exhausted brain registered that too many seconds later.
A deep frown appeared between her eyebrows, blinking in an attempt to clear her vision while she bent down to take the deck in her hand.
Obviously, she failed.
When her back was straight again, her vision went pitch black and a heavy throbbing settled in her temples. The ship swayed worse than a second ago. She groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose, eyes closed.
The witch has been in that situation before. She stood still, because attempting to walk would've ended in a passionate kiss with the floor.
When the sensations dissipated little by little, tiredness was everything left behind.
"I'm gonna get some rest," she mumbled, the words a little slurred.
With her eyes now opened wide enough to see where she's heading, she walked towards the stairs and cussed them out one by one.
Falling like an idiot wasn't on her to-do list for that day.
By some miracle, she managed to walk all the way into the galley. The room she shared with Nami was hers, but it was too far away. Her feet barely carried her to the dark red sofa she let her body fall on like a sack.
She didn't care about the clothes she hasn't changed from, too caught up with everything that has happened. There was enough time for a shower later, when exhaustion wasn't seeping into her bones. The only thing she had the decency to do was to take her boots off.
She stretched her legs and put an arm under her head, resting on her side to face the room. Not the most comfortable place to sleep in, but after all of that tumult, nothing mattered anymore.
The sweet sound of jingling disturbed her again.
Oh, god dammit.
She was one breath away from cussing Zoro's ass and his earrings — despite being in ecstasy that he woke up. The witch, as if expecting his next move, bent her knees to make space for him. The swordsman plopped himself down with a grunt at the other side of the sofa and her bare feet touched his thigh.
She didn't dare mutter a word about his presence. Zoro could stay. Gosh, as she was thinkingln about it, she could only believe it was a blessing he wasn't only awake, but also throwing remarks her way.
It was so much better than telling stories of her past to an unconscious Mosshead.
Right.
The edges of her mouth curled in a smile.
"What?"
"Mosshead," she chuckled, eyes still closed.
Zoro let out a scoff and she could imagine him rolling his eyes to the ceiling.
"Didn't you say you were going to rest?"
His voice was unusually low and even soft, pulling her towards the dreamland.
"I'd say this place is perfect," she mumbled.
The witch didn't bother to explain she was tired out of her mind or that her feet would most likely betray her if she dared to get up.
The silence was filled with their breathing and the sounds of the water splashing against their ship, the cracks of the wood. She remembered the times when she traveled with her father's crew and she would many times fall asleep curled next to a barrel while the vice-captain was still singing sea shanties in the middle of the night.
"Zoro," the witch whispered.
She was too weary to care about what left her mouth. It acted like alcohol — it clouded her mind and she felt shameless.
"What if I wouldn't have stepped on this ship?"
That question plagued her mind and she finally said it out loud.
"So the last ship was more to your taste?" he snickered. "It almost sank in the sea."
"You're such an ass," and while that phrase might've sounded harsh in the past, at that moment it was filled with fondness.
"Been told that before."
I really missed that voice.
"For someone with a big ass bruise on your neck, you sound more like a coward than I thought."
Maybe she deserved that serious tone thrown her way. Was he right? Only halfway through.
"No," she was stubborn enough to fight the sleep for a few more minutes. "What if I would've been happier? Y'know, less worries, no people to haunt my ass. No anxiety."
No crying over you for being almost dead.
The continuation sat on the tip of her tongue and got swallowed back with a gulp. Was there really a need for an admission? Puffy eyelids and dark circles under her eyes, chapped lips and bandages around her forearm soaked in blood. Those details were enough proof.
"Do you hate us that much?" his low voice sent shivers down her spine.
"It's not about that. Just…" she gulped and curled her fingers around the tarot deck she was still holding onto. "I want some peace."
"I say you should get some sleep."
•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•
Standing on the deck felt right, even if the witch doesn't remember why she was there. She can't point out the weather clearly, it feels blurry. Seconds ago she was in the kitchen talking with Sanji about some unusual topic she couldn't remember.
Then why was she suddenly on the deck, face to face with a kneeling Zoro who had two swords piercing through his upper body from behind? She didn't only know it was him, she felt like it was him, as if the pieces connecting in her head were just right. However, it horrified her. Everything around him was blurry except for him.
Him, whose essence of life was pouring down his body, creating a puddle under him, sinking into the cracks of the wooden floor. The crimson liquid melted into his white t-shirt. Now that she was looking better at it, she noticed the sharp point of a sword penetrating all the way through his stomach to the front side of his body.
He was looking up at her, despite the way his chin was tilted down. Those sharp brown eyes were boring holes through her. His beautiful irises painted with the warm nuances of chocolate and coffee were scary, like no other time.
Was Luffy next to her? It feels like it was him, even if she can only distinguish a silhouette in the corner of her right eye.
Why was Zoro looking at her like that? She couldn't move, as if her feet were stuck in place. She didn't know if she was breathing or if she was alive anymore. She didn't know why she was on the deck, why those swords took his life away. It barely made any sense that he had enough energy to stare at her.
He didn't falter once. He didn't beg for help, her name didn't come out of his mouth, no groans, no nothing.
She couldn't move. As she stood in the same place, her anxiety was rising up, up, up, until she felt like panicking despite the lack of reaction. She felt like exploding, but she couldn't express those horrific feelings.
She couldn't help him. Her arms were stuck by the sides of her body, as if someone had put a spell on her. She had the will to move her legs, to get closer to him, she wanted to, but she remained glued in that spot. She couldn't feel her body.
She had to do something, but she was trapped inside an unmoving object that was her own body. Why?
Everything snapped.
The smallest hope towards an escape woke her up. Her eyes opened instantly and she raised up in a sitting position, eyes frantically searching for more clues, for answers about the horrifying images she just saw before her eyelids.
Her heart was beating so fast it made her wish she didn't have it at all, a deafening ba-dump repeating in her eardrums over and over again.
Unfortunately, she was face to face with the swordsman she dreamt of. Instantly, as if she was shot, she looked at his upper abdomen. For no more than two seconds, she saw a big black patch on his bandages.
She inhaled deeply and her heart was beating faster, suddenly unable to release that breath of air. Her eyes widened and her hands shook, chest tight.
"Hey," she heard more of a background sound.
She blinked countless times, until her tired brain figured out that it was just her imagination. It was so dark in the room and her nightmare was a shock, the reason why at some point the patch started blurring out, inviting her to blink until it turned to be one small spot. It has been there since he woke up from his slumber.
When the realization sank in, she let go of that breath and let out a pitiful whimper. Deep inside, it felt like relief, her eyes now squeezed shut.
This time, he clearly called her name after his fingers securely gripped at her shaking shoulders, avoiding her wound. Her hands were trembling, her entire being disturbed.
Zoro said her name, not the nickname she got so used to hearing on that ship. Not the usual Witch, a word that sounded so endearing coming from her crewmates; no, it was her name and it was spoken so softly she could've confused him for someone else.
She had a poor attempt at recalling those images in order to figure out the reality, but it backfired. The bloody scene stuck before her closed eyes pushed her to open them up again.
Thankfully, his dark gaze was warm, filled with unspoken worry. For a brief moment she wondered how he woke up, since he slept like the dead sometimes.
"I'm surprised I managed to wake you up," her voice trembled.
He didn't joke back at her. Instead, his thumbs started rubbing slow circles into her shoulders in order to bring her back to earth. Or, better said, back to the ship that was peacefully sailing on the sea during the night.
"I think you should correct your breathing," he pointed out.
Once she changed from autopilot breathing, it felt like her throat was tight.
"Breathe in."
Blindly, she trusted his instructions. That mere breath shook her again, feeling shivers when she allowed the oxygen to sink into her lungs, the same way his voice sank into her being, in the cracks of her soul.
It took a few minutes until that normal bodily process didn't seem like an impossible task. Her muscles were tense until Zoro squeezed her shoulders again.
She could distinguish more of his face than just the warmth she noticed not long ago. His expression seemed pained with worry and not from a wound that could kill him, even if there still were bandages wrapped around his torso. Maybe it was also fear that made him look so different from usual; or was it confusion?
"I'm sorry for destroying your sleep."
It was half a lie. She wasn't sorry about the touch keeping her afloat, about how she managed to breathe again only because of his presence, because he was clearly awake and alive. At the same time, she knew he needed to rest so his wound could heal properly.
"Be serious," he huffed in a lower voice, clearly displeased.
"I am. You should sleep."
"Just like you should, but I doubt you will."
"I'd argue about that."
She was still tired, even if her shock from earlier struck her like thunder. Her eyes could close at any moment, which she feared, because another nightmare didn't sound good even for how stress resistant she became.
Since he heard her soft whimper when she was still sleeping, he had no clue what to do, how to act. One thing was clear: it was better to wake her up, despite the possibility she might get defensive and attack.
Alright, now what the heck do I do? He's had nightmares before, he's seen horrendous things during his sleep countless times, but he didn't have any idea about what to do for her. Was he even supposed to do something? She didn't like being pampered — maybe he should act like nothing happened. However, the fear coloring her face earlier shocked him as well. The witch has always been collected, she had such a firm grip on her reactions it was annoying sometimes.
The swordsman shook his head, but didn't let go of her. Instead, he leaned against the cushions on his side, while his hands fell down to her forearms to get a comfortable position of his limbs and upper body. The wound on his chest sent daggers through him at each movement. Barely a day of consciously dealing with it and he's already got annoyed.
The witch looked down at where their bodies were connected. His long calloused fingers were securely wrapped around her arms, close to her wrists. When did her legs end up in his lap she didn't know. Her bare knee tingled with warmth — why?
"You had a weird reaction after you woke up," his whisper stirred something in her heart.
"What do you mean? I had plenty of reactions."
Are you playing the idiot with me? Zoro thought.
"You were more scared of seeing me than of the nightmare."
"Oh."
Why did the Mosshead have to be so observant? It was one of the reasons why she was attracted to him, evidently, but sometimes he exposed her too easily.
She dropped her chin and looked down at her own hands. Admitting that she feared his role as the main character of a tragedy for the second time felt embarrassing for some unknown reason. She's been in enough humiliating situations and he never ridiculed her.
Zoro was utterly stuck. Was he supposed to move away? His body felt too heavy to get off the sofa and go to his room. It wouldn't be alright leaving her alone with her crippling anxiety either, considering she was prone to overthinking.
He wanted to do something, but what?
He let out a long sigh and rested his head against the cushions, his fingers still curled around her wrists. Her pulse was fast, but as seconds passed by, it slowed down under the weight of his thumbs.
The witch became hyper aware of the situation, but it felt too good to move away. Her tired brain entirely registered his presence and her eyes closed. She breathed in the chill air of the night and, while focusing so intently on Zoro's presence, she fell into a deeper state of mind, half asleep.
He was disturbed from his own journey into the dream realm when he felt a light weight on his shoulder. Once his eyes opened, he saw the cause: she leaned in closer to him, clearly unaware.
He smelled like the sea and the familiar scent of soap clung to the unbuttoned blue t-shirt he wore. With her forehead resting against his neck, the witch could vaguely point out his pulse. The safety of his embrace lulled her into a dreamless sleep while she focused on his slow breathing and the secure grip he had on her.
Zoro filled her senses so fiercely it was impossible not to melt into him, inhaling and exhaling in sync with him.
The swordsman had different sentiments about this and they were all confusing.
What am I doing? he scolded himself.
He moved his head and angled his face so he could look at the right side of her sleeping face. With long eyelashes resting over her soft cheeks, she looked like she didn't have a worry in the world, even if he knew better. Her shoulders would rise and fall rhythmically in such a slow pace, making him wonder what exactly exhausted her so much.
Then, his gaze fell on the purple marks on her neck and his jaw clenched. If he would've been awake when Arlong appeared at Baratie, maybe none of them would be like that. Maybe he would've had enough stubbornness to get answers from Nami and maybe Luffy wouldn't have been so close to drowning. Maybe those marks on her neck wouldn't have been there in the first place.
What the fuck am I doing?
Giving up, he rested his head back against the cushions with a scowl. He didn't understand himself and it was even harder to understand the woman sleeping so peacefully, too close to him.
Zoro let out a low displeased sound and closed his eyes, deciding to rest for a while. He didn't dare move away or wake her up either.
First and foremost he was displeased about the fact that he liked the proximity.
I wonder what that fishman's face looks like. It'll surely be a pleasure to slice him in half.
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