#I type all of this to make fun of myself but I still genuinely believe this shit I'm typing

[seafoam-taide]

Guys will literally do anything other than admit that they. Yeah

[bubblegumgothglados]

How to actually train a submissive, a how to guide

+Thoughts on the pervasive misinformation surrounding punishments and their usefulness.

Step 1. Make sure your submissive actually want to be trained. I'm into dom breaking, I'm into kidnapping, I'm into all types of situations where you forcibly change a person into the perfect submissive. But that's all fantasy, and they're fun fantasies to play out with willing participants. (Yeah i know this is pretty obvious stuff, everyone should know this already, but it is an important first step and it cant hurt to repeat)

Step 2. Pick a goal. The perfect example is getting them to take their pills at the same time each day. Its something they already want to do, its something that will benefit them greatly, its something that's very obviously pass/ fail, and its simple. Those are the criteria for a good behaviour to modify (with "want to do" flipped to "don't want to do" if its a behaviour you're trying to stop). The fewer of those things are true the more difficult its going to be to get the desired result, not impossible mind you but more difficult. As you and your submissive gain experience and become more comfortable with this process you can begin to modify more complex behaviours, but keep it simple to start.

Step 3. DO reward success, DO NOT punish failure. I'm gonna let myself rant about this at the end of this guide but for the moment just believe me when i say punishments are not a useful tool in training. So reward them every time the succeed. The best rewards are small things that stimulate the pleasure centre of their brain. Praise is a great place to start, stickers, snacks, tiny animal erasers, maybe shiny treasures if they have corvid like proclivities. Whatever it is make sure you give it to them personally, make sure you show you're genuinely happy with them, and make sure its something they cant get or aren't allowed to have otherwise. If the do fail (and they will sometimes) don't reward them, don't punish them, and don't let them punish themself. They want to be good for you, they will take failure hard. You need to make sure they know failure isn't a bad thing, everyone fails sometimes especially when starting to learn something. You need to reassure them that you're not angry or sad or upset and especially not disappointed.

Step 4. Be consistent. Reward them every time until they have a perfect record for a significant period of time. The specifics of this depend too much on the specifics of the behaviour and the reward so i wont try to give guidelines. Once they have that perfect track record start reducing the frequency of the rewards, stress to them that this isn't a punishment this is a really good thing. It means the training is working and they should be proud of themself and you are proud of them. Once you've weaned them off of the reward all together give them a big reward as a congratulations. And then sporadically reward them as a reminder that you're proud of them and to keep the habit strong. If the behaviour begins to drift you might need to go back and start rewarding them again, this shouldn't be seen as failure, its a normal part of training.

Step 5. Start again. Do they still want to be trained or are they happy with where they are? Is there another behaviour you want to modify? Is it time to try a more difficult modification? Do you need to switch up the reward to keep them motivated? Do you have the bandwidth to be consistent?

A note on brats. Specifically type 3 brats as described in THIS post. None of my advice changes. They still want to be good for you they just also want to play a fun game with you. Enjoy the fun game and train them to improve their lives. Just, don't try to train them out of being a brat, they're enjoying their game don't take away something that they enjoy, if you don't want a brat don't get with a brat.

Finally here is the as promised rant about punishment.

To the submissive reading this. You don't deserve to be punished, you never deserved to be punished. Even if you were a "problem" child you didn't deserve to be hurt for it. You still don't deserve to be hurt in ways you don't want to be. To the dominant reading this, yes you can rule through fear it is possible, but gods why?! If your ultimate goal isn't for your sub to be as happy and self fulfilled as possible, whatever that looks like for them, then what the fuck are you doing. And aside from that punishment isn't even an effective method of training. A dog kicked whenever it barks will learn to fear you and wont bark around you. A child spanked whenever you feel they've done something wrong will learn to resent you and will hide everything from you. An adult punished for stealing will learn to steal more effectively. Your submissive is no different from any of those examples. Kill the cop in your head, stop thinking of punishment as a legitimate means of control.

[pink-and-pearls]

Thanos as a Boyfriend (Headcanons)

A/N: While watching the second season of Squid Game I was almost convinced that I would hate Thanos, that his spontaneous rap and flirtatious behaviour was just annoying. As you can see I quickly chewed up these words as he does not want to leave my mind. As an attempt to deal with this fixation I’m writing headcanons. For the sake of these headcanons I’m taking him out the Squid Game setting into a daily basis one. Thanos is a Scorpio and I’m a Scorpio myself who came across a lot of scorpios, to say the least, I believe I could have an idea of how he’d be like in a relationship. Please keep in mind that this is based solely on my imagination but I try to keep it as close to his character. Enjoy and don’t hesitate to share your thoughts!

He is the kind to have a passionate all-consuming love. He'll look at you like you're the most precious thing he's ever seen, and a relationship with him is going to be so intense it might actually scare you sometimes.

Thanos's impulsive nature shines through in his romantic gestures. He's the type to spontaneously purchase gifts that remind him of you. This also applies to his flirtatious behavior, surprising you with compliments even in the most mundane moments, like early mornings when you're still in your pajamas and unbrushed hair.

He'll surprise you with a late-night street food tour, showing you his favorite hidden spots, or create a playlist for you.

Beneath his serious exterior, Thanos has a playful side that comes out in his interactions with you. He loves to tease and joke around, using humor to lighten the mood and keep things fun. Whether it’s playful banter or light-hearted jokes, he knows how to make you laugh and create a joyful atmosphere in your relationship. This playful teasing helps balance out the intensity of his personality, making your time together enjoyable and full of laughter.

Don’t let his bad boy facade fool you, Thanos's background as a rapper shows his remarkable linguistic skills making him quick-witted and articulate. One of his love languages is words of affirmation, freely expressing his love, admiration, and gratitude for you. It’s no surprise that he uses pet names and is a straightforward flirt. This makes him a great source of support for partners who struggle to vocalize their emotions.

Thanos's protective instincts run deep and frankly he gives older brother energy. He's wants to know about your whereabouts and who you are with, making him overprotective. If anyone makes you uncomfortable, he's quick to intervene and he takes pride and satisfaction from making your safety and comfort.

Despite his own struggles, Thanos is a very supportive boyfriend. He vocally supports your dreams and offers tangible help when possible, finding joy and admiration in your passion and resilience. In return, he appreciates your support of his rap career and wants to make you proud.

Beneath Thanos's confident exterior lies an emotional vulnerability man. His substance use and confrontational behavior stem from unresolved pain and struggles. And he is not proud of it, while he may present an insolent facade to the world, it masks deep-seated insecurities and emotional turmoil. It’s very hard for him to open up, and it will take a lot of time for him to do so. Little by little he will open up, while he likes the care you provide, he doesn’t want you to think of him as weak.

This one might be hard to see, but Thanos is naive. Not in the sense he isn’t street smart, but more in a raw way. He has vices and can certainly manipulate when needed, but underneath that exterior, he's fundamentally vulnerable. His complicated relationship with his parents meant he grew up without proper guidance, essentially learning life's lessons through trial and error - and not always successfully. If you're perceptive and patient, you can help redirect him, he'll resist at first - he's stubborn to his core - but deep down, he genuinely appreciates someone taking the time to understand and guide him.

Physical intimacy is very important for Thanos. He thrives on hugs, kisses, and simple proximity, and he is a very passionate man. Despite claiming he is not a soft boy, he craves tender, tactile connection. Whether it's a soft kiss, an enveloping hug, or just sitting close enough to feel each other's warmth, these moments of physical intimacy are where Thanos feels most human.

[guess-my-next-obsession]

the alchemy | i. the return (joel’s pov)

pairing: no outbreak!dbf!joel miller x fem!reader

chapter rating: Mature [18+ only, minors dni, dbf/secret relationship, age gap (joel is 34, reader is 24), just joel pining in secret, mention of cheating (past relationship), one mention of joel fantasizing about a blowjob]

summary: joel takes us through his inner monologue the day of reader’s return.

wc: 1k

the masterlist

She was back.

The woman who’d starred in every depraved fantasy I’d had since the day I met her had made her return to Austin, this time to stay.

I’d been mentally preparing for our reunion for weeks now, ever since her father let the news slip. I told myself that this time I’d finally be done with my little crush on the woman nearly a decade younger than me, but I knew how this story went.

Every time she came home to visit during her breaks from school, I told myself the exact same bullshit. And every time I came face to face with her, it all went to hell again. All she had to do was walk into a room, and I was back to secretly pining over her like a lovesick boy.

This time was no different.

When her and her dad pulled into the restaurant parking lot, I was already sweating. When she stepped out in those denim cutoffs, I’d melted completely.

She was the type of beautiful that required no frills to make a man fall to his knees. She could wear a burlap sack and I’d have no choice but to believe she was nothing less than a goddess.

I tried not to let my tongue wag too much as she walked over to Sarah, hugging her tight and complimenting her on her new braids. Her dad offered me a bit of distraction as he complained about needing to change out the brake pads on his truck, but even that wasn’t enough to tear my eyes away from her. From the woman I knew he’d never approve of me being with.

I couldn’t say I’d do any different if it was my own daughter in question.

When her eyes met mine, I felt the need to justify my ogling with a greeting.

���Welcome home,” I said, instead of what I longed to say—things that would’ve earned me a punch in the gut from her dad.

She mumbled a thanks in response, but seemed entirely disinterested in any further conversation with me. So I let it end there as we walked into the mexican spot that was apparently her favorite, according to her dad. I made a mental note of this new information. For what reason, I had no clue. It wasn’t like I’d ever be taking her out.

She avoided me at all costs throughout dinner, leaving me with no choice but to coax her into paying me some attention by asking her if she was still interested in babysitting. It was a genuine enough question. Sarah did need someone to look after her over the summer, and the last babysitter just never managed to click with her the way that she had. But I’d be lying if I said that it was strictly business, my asking.

When she said yes, my heart all but leapt out of my chest with relief. If she had said no, I would’ve had no excuse to see her, no excuse to talk to her.

I watched with greedy eyes as she sipped her drink through a straw, her lips wrapping around the bit of plastic. I instinctively licked my lips as she pulled away, swiping her tongue over her lips to collect the bit of lime-flavored liquor that coated them.

God, that mouth.

I’d thought about it almost every night. Even when I was with Mia, my ex, it was her I imagined. Those plump lips wrapping around me, working me until I came. And as horrible as it was to say, I never felt guilty about the fantasy. Especially now, knowing that the entire time, Mia had been having her own fun on the side.

I couldn’t imagine that the girl in front of me would hurt anyone in that way, and that drew me towards her all the more. She was so kind, so good that it hurt. I hoped whoever she had been with in the past had treated her with the same sort of respect that I dreamed of giving her, but I knew all too well what it was like to be a twenty-something year old boy. They’d likely not even noticed the gem that they held in the palm of their hands.

At the end of dinner, she gave Sarah a thorough goodbye, promising to come over the next day for a swim. I thanked God that it was a weekend, that I’d be home to catch a glimpse of her.

When I stepped over to tell her goodnight, she blew me off completely. I tried not to let the rejection sting. I had no reason to feel slighted, to feel disappointed, but it cut through me nonetheless.

Her dad muttered an apology, saying that she was likely just tired from a long day of unpacking, and I let myself believe him. It was better than thinking that she wanted nothing to do with me.

Even if I knew it was true.

Why else would she have agreed to go out with Tommy last summer? And according to him, the date went well. He refrained from spilling all the details, but from what he let on, I could’ve only assumed it ended with her in his crumb-filled sheets. It took me weeks to get the image out of my head, to be able to look my brother in the eye again.

Maybe one of these days I’d ask her about it myself. I wouldn’t let on that I disapproved of the two of them being together, either. Instead, I’d play the role of a nosy older brother who simply just wanted to know whether his brother was treating her right, or if he was fucking things up like he so often liked to do when a good woman entered his life.

But truthfully, it didn’t matter what the two had going on. She could hate him or love him, I didn’t care.

My crush was here to stay.

Even if I had no chance in the world with her.

[aristaspark]

Gaslighting everyone into thinking Kenlynn is endgame

Chaos Theory Season 3 : Part 8

Finally getting around to posting a more *detailed* version of my Kenlynn are endgame thoughts.

Part 1 because I'm allergic to going straight to the point.

A little disclaimer because I think that it's necessary: this post is not meant to convince anyone of anything. It isn't me trying to convince myself either. I genuinely believe that in the forth season that is probably already fully animated as we talk, Kenji and Brooklynn get back together at some point. This post is just me laying out the elements that make me think that.

Most, if not all of it, will turn out to be wrong but I don't care, I like to theorize, that's fun!

Part 1: Brooklynn isn't in love with Darius.

While there are some things I am uncertain about - duh, I'm human - this might be the ONE thing no one will be able to change mind about.

If you only look at what's in the show (not relying on the false sense of security the popularity the ship has in the fandom brings nor the flawed belief that the writers took shippers' feelings into consideration when they wrote the show) everything that's actually on screen points towards Brooklynn only feeling platonic love towards Darius. I feel like people tend to forget THE TEXT, and only look at their scenes as being detached from the story and CONTEXT.

Firstly, her having feelings for Darius don't make sense chronologically. She has only spent a MAXIMUM of two weeks with him at the time he confesses. And this was right after her boyfriend broke up with her and she came home crying, throwing their picture in the trash because she was heart broken like a good romance movie heroine. She was in no mood to fall in love with anyone and her utter shock at his confession makes it clear that she had never considered Darius as anything other than a friend, these two weeks she had spent with him hadn't change that for her the way it had for Darius.

There's also that she only went to see Darius to fuel her obsession with her investigation. She made that face when she understood what was going on.

She recoiled.

She looked sorry for him, no sign of her being flustered, shy, lost in thought or enamored after he left.

She didn't even spend a second thinking about his confession after he left, she wasn't moved at all. She still expects him to help her with her investigation, because to her their relationship has no reason to change. She didn't feel any type of way about the fact that she was going to see him in the evening. She gets mad at him when he ignores her calls, doesn't give his feelings more credit.

When she sees him again in Senegal, she only reacts to his presence when they come face to face in person for the first time after he let her down, but when she sees him on the monitor (which would make it the first time she sees the man she supposedly loves after months apart), when she saves his life, or sees him above the arena, nothing. She never focuses on Darius.

They were adorable in season 3. But again. Brooklynn still prefers to do things on her own, Darius is not special in that regard, she rejects his offer at helping her. She doesn't treat Darius any differently from the way she treats Yaz and Ben.

When they separate, it's Darius who calls out to her, she was already on her way to leave.

She could have been the one to call out to him, she could have been the one needing that interaction with the person she loved, that would have shown that despite her always going off on her own, he is at least a little special to her, but no. She's treating Darius exactly the same as the others. She's pushing him away exactly like the others.

HE is the one always running after her, begging her to stay (what's funny is that when Kenji was the one doing it people used it as proof that he wasn't right for Brooklynn, but here it's crickets).

To me, but I know that other people opinions differ on that, the use of their nicknames feels like a re-affirmation of their friendship, a first step towards reconciliation. Like Darius will always be Dino-Nerd to Brooklynn, the kid obsessed with dinosaurs who was always her best friend, and Brooklynn, despite having been rejected by her, is still Superstar to Darius, the socially awkward girl with pink hair he struggled to understand at first but who later became his best friend. I feel like if they had used their names it would have said something else yk? Picture it, Darius calls her superstar, and she replies with "Good luck...Darius". To me it would have shown that there has been a shift in her perception of Darius. That she was no longer satisfied with him being her friend dinonerd, the name she wrote down on that post it while she was still in a relationship with Kenji, the name that he was registered as on her phone while she was in a relationship with Kenji, but that she now saw him as Darius. But I know that it's only my interpretation, that might or might not have been the writers' intention.

Brooklynn LOVES Darius, don't think I don't see the endeared way she looks at him, especially during season 3. But it's the key word, endeared. Endeared, as in opposed to "in love".

She looks endeared when she says "you too dinonerd", and I think that was what I tried putting into words in one of my previous posts but couldn't. It's like she's happy that he calls her superstar and that their relatonship hasn't changed despite everything that happened. The way she behaves with him just feels SO platonic to me. He gets her better than anyone else because he is and always was her best friend. They have a special bond, but to me it was NEVER shown as been a romantic one on Brooklynn's end.

As of the end of season 3 you have yet to show me a single element that suggests that her feelings for him have changed in the few hours she spent with him since the moment he confessed (as I'm POSITIVE she didn't love him during the confession scene).

Like, if she's in love with him, when did it happen? During the six months she was dead? It makes no sense because she spent 6 traumatizing months alone after that confession and her last interaction with Darius was her getting mad at him because he was ignoring her calls, demanding that he came for her investigation, not giving a damn about his confession.

I'm only looking at the actual story. They would be cute as hell because the trope is cute as hell, but it just doesn't fit with what was shown in the three first seasons. To me the only way for dinostar to happen would be to have Brooklynn fall for him/realize her feelings during season 4 (because I repeat myself, but there's no way she was in love with him before, at least not consciously). And with everything that's bound to happen, I don't see it happening, especially because of one...detail.

They are currently stuck in an helicopter, with Ben and Yasmina, who will probably leave them alone as quickly as humanly possible to allow them to get rid of the awkwardness that they are bound to display.

Dinostar WILL have a discussion at the start of the season, there's no way they won't. Darius even spoke about wanting to tackle the subject in season 3, so sorry, but them talking about their feelings is not shaping up to be that series final gran endgame ship reveal/pay off. And whatever that conversation holds for them, they will probably come clean about their feelings and as I said, I absolutely do not believe Brooklynn to be in love with him at this point, and her saying "I'm not sure" would feel extremely anticlimactic.

But let's imagine that somehow she's like, yeah Darius, while I was looking at my amputated arm, alone at Ronnie's, I realized that I actually felt the same.

That would make yet another thing Kenji would have to forgive her for.

We all have our beliefs about what ships will be endgame, but I think it's not too far fetched to say that in the end they will all be on good (if not great) terms with each other. Or at least cordial.

Brooklynn already has an endless list of things Kenji has to forgive her for if she wishes to someday be friends with him.

Seeing his dad behind his back. Neglecting him. Choosing her work over him. Secret appartment. Not telling him she was alive. Letting him mourn her despite knowing what it would do to him. Rejecting him after they see each other for the first time since she died. Choosing her work over him once again.

That's a lot to forgive if they want to be friends.

But then you would also have to add - falling in love with my adopted brother, your best friend, while I was still hurting over you and you were still treating me like crap, and deciding you wanted to be with him before we even had some sort of closure on our relationship, not even asking yourself if I would be ok with it.

And you know, you could take that endless list and throw it back at me and say, well, doesn't that only reinforce the idea that they have no chance of getting back together if the chances of them even being friends are this thin?

Well, that's the thing. There's this endless list of things Kenji has to forgive Brooklynn for, but I believe that these things all come down to one "big thing", that thing being the sole reason Kenji has currently given up on Brooklynn (someone counts the number of times I said *thing*).

I think the real reason Kenji is so mad at Brooklynn is that to him all her actions are all proof that she doesn't love him. This is what hurt him the most, this is the reason, to me, the real reason he broke up with her in the first place.

Just like his father didn't love him, the love of his life, the girl he loved for 6 years...also didn't love him.

He desesperately wished for her to prove to him that he was mistaking, that she did love him the way he loved her. He gave her the opportunity to prove it to him when he broke up (I can't be with you IF you're not going to be with me), but she didn't. He did it again in front of the plane, he made his heart vulnerable again because the fact that she was alive made him forget all the rest. She pushed him away. When I look at these two scenes I just SEE the set up being...yk, set up? This is right there, at the beggining of their arc: Kenji was waiting for Brooklynn to show him that he was mistaken and that she wanted to be with him - that she loved him.

But each and everytime her actions prove to him that she doesn't love him, so he ends up accepting it as a fact and thus gives up on her (the moment she pushed him away in front of the plane, which is why the focus was so heavily on them).

Which gave us season 3 Kenji, who has given up on her. She has proved to him that he was right, now he's done. You can see it in the way he talks about her that he genuinely believes Brooklynn doesn't love him/them. "She doesn't want anything to do with us" / "She sacrificed us willingly" / "She didn't look like she needed our help, or wanted it"

Now that I spoke about Brooklynn's feelings for Darius, I will talk about her feelings for Kenji in part 2 because I have way too much free time on my hands (I actually don't, that's the worst part 😂)

[islandnymphorthila]

It's genuinely so fucking sad that as a people in 2024 going into 2025, there are kpop fans that are still so delusional and controlling to the point where they hate on idols who in fact are still human for dating which is in fact a very human experience. As humans, we are allowed to experience love, and idols should be free to do that without hate. They aren't robots. They aren't responsible for your delusional behaviour. You most likely will never have that y/n moment or be able to be with them. Being delulu is all fun and games, I myself am delusional sometimes but it's always light hearted and fun because I live in reality where there are actual real world problems and problems and challenges that I have to face everyday. But if your delusions cause you to hate on someone who doesn't know you personally outside of knowing you are a fan, then I think you should consider serious therapy or like the youngins say touch some fucking grass. Get a job, get a hobby, and let people live. At the end of the day, an idols' job is to sing, dance, rap, perform, and give you good music. They don't owe you anything outside of that. People tend to forget that at the end of the day, K-pop is music and idols' job is to produce music. Anything outside of that in their personal life is not your business or your job to dictate. They are human, they live, breathe, sleep, eat, die just like all of us. Let them have their human experiences to love, build a home and life with someone, make dumb mistakes, learn from said dumb mistakes, get married, have children, hang out with friends, etc, all without fear of being stalked or harassed or called out for something average people do on a day to day basis. The immaturity of K-pop stans never fail to amuse and upset me. Those types of fans are the reason K-pop fans have a bad image, and people believe all of us to be immature, jobless, teenagers. I'm not ashamed to be a K-pop stan but gosh, there should be a contract or mental evaluation we have to sign before we become one to cleanse the general Fandom of the crazy

[botanphal]

THE VIVIBELLA BIBLE IS HERE AND IT’S QUEER

ENJOY

PREFACE

so you’re probably wondering. What is this weird sapphic tirade of 3K words? Well, this “note bible” was originally something I was going to keep for myself but figured others may want to see it too. This document is similar to a character bible, hence the name, except it’s more of a deep dive into two particular characters, strung out like notes. Please keep in mind that this document does not go into every idea I’ve had about these two but is more or less the basic ideas for the sake of consistency. This goes over canon and non-canon information which are separated so you know what’s true vs my own interpretations, though depending on which version of this post you’re reading, you may notice that there’s only canon information—which is more or less to let you have your own ideas from their purely canon-selves without the inspiration of my own non-canon ideas—the cut version of this document is also considerably smaller (1.7K). If you’re not on the canon cut version, then obviously the previous statement can be ignored. Regardless, I hope you have fun reading!

BOTANPHAL/PALIN’S VIVIBELLA BIBLE

LINKS

Just some links to their actual profiles for ease of access, as well as quotes and their theme music

Goombella:

https://www.mariowiki.com/Goombella

https://www.mariowiki.com/List_of_Goombella_quotes

https://youtu.be/1EmkKFaT7V4?si=erWshNwVBU5sfbo_

Vivian:

https://www.mariowiki.com/Vivian

https://www.mariowiki.com/List_of_Paper_Mario:_The_Thousand-Year_Door_quotes_by_character_(S–Z)

https://youtu.be/6WubRL1mPlQ?si=cY_tWs5TwyKZsr39

ESTABLISHING THE IDIOTS

let’s get down the gist of these sillies!

Goombella:

A junior at the university of Goom majoring in Archeology and seems to also consider herself a historian

- sassy, genuinely seems like she’d bite people’s fingers off sometimes

- nerd (but would backfire if you called her that given the note above)

- confident (of course, there are moments where she loses this but most of the time she seems rather self-actualized about things)

- kind, but does tend to poke fun at others (I can’t believe she called Koops cringe)

- curious

- knowledgeable (though she does make her mistakes regarding things like being fooled by Doopliss)

- excitable (after reading her dialogue over and over she uses a LOT of exclamation points. Girl calm down)

- kind of a hot head at times and jealous type, especially with how Ms. Mowz goes after Mario (Goombella definitely had a crush on him as well) and snaps back a lot though this could just be related to her mentioned sass

- this isn’t so much a character trait but she says “totally” a lot as well as “oh my gosh” which this one may be a catchphrase

Non-canon interpretations:

- has ADHD, needs meds or she loses her mind and becomes scrambled (top of the line “gifted” kid)

- possibly has a fear of heights given her comments at Hooktail’s castle making her nervous

- most Goombas seem to have two prominent fangs so I assume she’s missing one

- half Australian and half Maltese (has slightly an Australian accent but mostly sounds American)

- intersex, given Goombas are based off of mushrooms (and also chestnuts but I digress) and mushrooms are intersex, took estrogen to appear more feminine and identifies as a woman (this still applies to her gijinka, just that her species of demi-human is also all intersex)

- futch (femme/butch, will wear either or-or dress equal)

- has a lot of (unsuccessful) relationship experience which adds to her anxiety about her feelings for Vivian, specifically having dated three other people

- Full name is (Goom)Bellami Alessia Bones (Goom is a family title and not actually required to say, though she prefers to be called Bella than Bellami)

- 21 years old (while she has no confirmed age her being in her early 20s makes the most sense given she’s a Junior at university)

- has an earthy/dirt yet flowery scent

- has a cut on her right eyebrow

- loves savory flavors but occasionally enjoys spicy and sweet (Goombas have a main diet of meat so she tends to eat a lot of that)

- executive dysfunction sometimes causes her to not clean herself, but if someone complains then she will (she tends to carry around a perfume bottle)

- pansexual (possibly a coping lesbian)

- (gijinka) is missing the majority of her right forearm though she has a prosthetic for it (was born like that) and is missing almost all of her left arm aside for the shoulder (incidental)

- swears fairly often

Vivian:

Youngest of the three shadow sirens/sisters with the ability to use fire magic

- shy/somewhat reserved (opens up more later on, still shy but less reserved)

- cutesy (how the fuck did she speak with a heart symbol in one of her quotes)

- graceful

- polite

- sweet/kind (there should be no mistake to how far Vivian’s forgiveness goes considering she’s willing to forgive her own family that abused her for years—Vivian disowning them is not something Vivian herself would do)

- empathetic/sympathetic (I think about her random glitz pit dialogue a lot and how she worries if her and Mario did a bit too much on the enemies. But also she sometimes says “NO MERCY” she’s so silly)

- curious (moreso about most things being new to her due to being sheltered by her sisters for so long)

- submissive, though gains some confidence later on (this is just my own take but I feel like it’d take her longer than it does in-game to be more confident given the severity and length of abuse she experienced)

- struggles with an inferiority complex (this is actually a canon thing and made mention of) at the hands of her sisters abuse

- says “gee whiz” a lot, might be a catchphrase

- tends to stutter when nervous (possibly easy to fluster, especially considering she likely has not received a lot of compliments in her life)

Non-canon interpretations:

- possibly has athazagoraphobia (the fear of being forgotten) or just has general struggles with the concept

- given her trauma (mental/emotional abuse, unsure if there’s ever been physical though in one of the translations of the game Beldam apparently starved her, neglect from Marilyn), she probably would struggle with depression, anxiety and PTSD

- dysphoric, obviously feels better about herself the further into her transitioning (something about Vivian makes me feel like she’d struggle with dysphoria—it’s already a lesser discussed topic among fictional transwomen and given Vivian’s upbringing I think it’d make sense that she particularly has this and would make mention of it)

- she’s autistic and I can’t exactly explain why but someday I will (this very well could be projection uhhh. Anyway she probably doesn’t even know she has it or what it is, has had struggles to learn magic as the ways her sisters were trying to teach her weren’t working for her)

- demisexual-biromantic (I feel like it just makes sense for her to be this way given how she warms up to Mario and the same would apply to Goombella)

- has a beautiful singing voice partially learned from vocal training herself, however she is also called a shadow siren

- a piece of the Shadow Queen, her future

- has no exact ethnicity hc aside for being black as a gijinka, she’s something else entirely and can speak all languages (including sign language and braille) but mainly speaks English and Latin (if she were to be an actual human she’d be Eritrean and Sammarinese)

- femme (specifically loves to wear flowy things like dresses and skirts, the most “masculine” thing she’d wear is a suit)

- Has no full name, simply known as Vivian (if her and Goombella were to marry then she’d be Vivian Bones :flushed:)

- 20 years old

- has a smoldering lavender scent

- (gijinka) actually lost one of her legs while learning to veil, simply conjured up a convincing new one that she can freely remove

- can swear, refuses to do so (she’s too nice and polite the silly thing)

- is a pure-magical being so she requires frequent mana consumption to live, fire flowers are her favorite thing to use for this

- unaffected by fire and heat, can touch it without pain, body temperature is always high, only sweats when she’s sick, it’s very unusual for her to feel cold

- loves sweet, spicy and hot flavored things

- very clean, loves to shower or bathe (sometimes very atmospheric about it with hot water and candles)

- I like to think that she becomes a bookworm and wants to learn more about magic, but also reads up on psychology after the things she’s been put through

- shadow’s eyes are extremely sensitive to light, their hats have magical properties that keep them safe and shadow over them, without it she can only open her eyes in complete pitch-darkness, otherwise she keeps them closed (their gloves also work as buffers for their magic to make spells less intense, they’re sorta limiters in a way, Vivian especially has to wear them due to having fire powers and well… fire is commonly seen as destruction more than life)

- left handed, can use right okay

- knows how to cauterize wounds using her magic

- during new moons her appearance changes to more resemble the Shadow Queen, gaining more shades of purple and little stars speckling all over her, as well as having her eyes always shown

HOW THE FUCK DID WE GET HERE?

vivibella stems from Goombella’s tattle dialogue during the first battle with the three shadow sirens as shown:

note that this dialogue varies from the original GameCube version of the game compared to the Switch remake above:

unfortunate how the dialogue was nerfed compared to the original, making her seem jealous rather than having some kind of sapphic awakening but now I think of it as she’s deflecting what she’s feeling

DYNAMICS

- has a sort of opposites attract kinda thing going on, Goombella being the more open and expressive one while Vivian is the shy and reserved one

- enemies to friends to lovers

- love triangle (for the fact they both had a crush on Mario at one point but Goombella never seemed to be bothered by Vivian’s feelings for him unlike how she’s felt about the other women pining after him, she probably respects Vivian’s feelings for him given what he meant to her)

- the studier (Goombella) and one to be studied (Vivian) idk if there’s an actual name for this dynamic but I went into this concept a bit in this tweet:

- yapper x listener (I don’t think I have to explain who is who)

THAT ITALIAN GUY

Before we get into the meat of vivibella, it must be understood what Mario meant to these two. As it goes in TTYD, Mario for some reason is just a MAGNET for ladies and Goombella and Vivian are no exception to this, most of the female characters seem to express having a crush on him but let’s take a look at them individually:

Goombella particularly seems to fall under having a crush on him but she’s rather dismissive of it/acts like she doesn’t in a teasing way. She expresses jealousy whenever other female characters pursue him (think of Flurrie and Ms. Mowz, even speculates on Lady Bow post-game) but doesn’t with Vivian, likely due to the fact that Vivian doesn’t express her feelings for him around anyone (aside for the finale) considering during Chapter 4 it’s only her and Mario together when she kisses him—we don’t exactly know how Goombella would feel about Vivian’s feelings for Mario, but I think she’d probably be the most respectful to her given the things she’s been through and how Mario helped her open up and improve. During her letter to Mario at the end of the game, she talks about a “secret” which I imagine has to do with her crush on him, but she doesn’t follow through with it likely due to Mario’s pursuit of Peach

Vivian and Mario have a much deeper relationship compared to all the female characters that fall for him. Vivian definitely has a crush on him but also seems to actually be in love with him given the events that transpire; Mario helping her through her trauma and accepting her without question and also being a lending hand to someone in need despite his own troubles at the time of having lost his name, body and trusted companions. Even after realizing who he is and leaving given that he was her enemy at a certain point, she comes back upon realizing what he showed her and valued that over everything else as being the first person to EVER be kind to her. She turned her back on her family for him. During the final battle Vivian attempts to confess to him as well as during the end of the game when he’s leaving, but hesitates again due to the fact that she knows that he’d choose Peach and even thinks that the two would make a great couple. I’m sure it would be hard for Vivian to move on from him, he’s probably the first person she’s ever loved in such a way and again, he’s the first person to show her real kindness

THINKING TOO HARD

Goombella is obviously the one to crush first given her tattle dialogue, she may be kinda sassy about her feelings for her when teased by others but when she’s actually around Vivian she’s more reserved and anxious due to her shy and gentle nature, in some ways I feel like she may fear possibly scaring Vivian away by being too forward and is also afraid of the possible rejection as she’s aware of Vivian’s feelings for Mario despite him eventually not being in the picture (and of course possibly being unaware to the fact that Vivian is bi). Goombella’s probably very likely a girlfail and a fumbler when it comes to flirting but god if she isn’t confident about it and Vivian finds it endearing. I think it makes the most sense for her to confess later on as I’m sure she probably reaches some form of boiling point and just drops all her words out after being unable to hide it anymore (Vivian doesn’t like to assume things about others typically so that’s why I don’t see her confessing first instead)

Goombella falls first but I feel like Vivian would fall harder as the two of them grow closer, Vivian already experienced rejection from Mario so in some ways she probably wasn’t expecting to find successful love anytime soon nor in a more similar way to how Mario was with her. Of course, Goombella isn’t exactly like him at all but the kindness and patience is still there, albeit with some attitude which Vivian doesn’t mind. I think it would take a bit for Vivian to catch onto Goombella and her own feelings given her experience with Mario. This being her second experience with love, she’s definitely very inexperienced regarding all of it which is why she holds back. With my hc of Goombella having been through her own form of transition, a lot of comfort is to be found there for Vivian as they’re somewhat similar due to that. I don’t think Vivian really knows how to flirt but she’d give lots of compliments and do gestures, she’s also a girlfail but in a graceful way and tries not to show it, she’s kinda a secret dork (and I mean. With the fact she stutters when nervous. There isn't anyway this girl isn't also a girlfail of her own like come on now)

Regarding my own lore, I like to think that these two live together in Goombella’s Uni dorm after the events of TTYD. Vivian switches on Fridays to live with her sisters then back with Goombella the following Friday so on and so forth to help rebuild a healthy connection with them while with Goombella she explores herself given she’s been stuck with her sisters for so long. Their situation isn’t helped by the fact that they have to share a bed due to the limitations of Goombella’s Uni dorm size, though it is fancier as it’s more like an apartment with separate rooms, (basically consists of two small bedrooms, the other bedroom being her roommate’s, a living space and kitchen combo as well as a bathroom) still small though

Goombella tends to go to Flurrie for advice regarding her feelings for Vivian, while Vivian goes to Lady Bow after forming a friendship sometime after TTYD’s events. I also like to think that Flurrie and Lady Bow end up coming together to scheme about the two of them (neither are aware of this until they start dating)

Their relationship builds off of living together and Vivian learning about herself, Goombella there to guide her as someone who already knows her own life and the steps she took to get to where she’s at—the two spend a lot of time together obviously and Goombella strives to try and get something out of the two of them than just a friendship given her own growing feelings, even if it takes being more patient

Even on the weeks when Vivian’s living with her sisters Goombella tends to visit her and hang out, sometimes sleeping over as well. Vivian along the way starts to realize how Goombella’s care for her is much deeper than she originally thinks it is—in some ways Vivian already feels inspired by someone like her who is so confident and self assured, she could use someone like her to give her a nudge in the right direction

They probably even go out on adventures together which further strengthens their bond, which of course may stir up trouble and that leaves room for needing to rely on each other or help each other in such times of need (who doesn’t love some hurt and comfort mmmm)

CLOSING STATEMENT

Anyway, that’s really all I have though I have a feeling that even AFTER publishing this I’ll be still tweaking this until the day I die. I love these two very much if that uh….. Isn’t obvious at all. uh huh. I hope you gained some kind of enjoyment and understanding out of all this gay nonsense from these strange little sapphic creatures that have been rotting my brain for months :3

the canon version of this post will come out soon! This just took so long to do I’m going to explode rn

[stupidlittlespirit]

Please give us some Ford and medfetish head canons please 😭😭

I'm trying to keep my mind off of other stuff so I'm gonna get a little detailed under the hood to give myself a decent distraction..... If you know me irl and you see this then..... No you do not! Don't judge me, I am very normal and can be trusted at the doctor's office!

tw: medical fetish/experimentation fetish/anaesthesiology & drug administration/physical exams/dissection (potential gore?)/small and very vague mention of mild cnc under the influence of drugs

(this is all going to be post portal!Ford centric)

I think at a basic level, Ford would enjoy a good old fashioned doctor-patient roleplay.

He'd enjoy having his subject lie down on his examination table and go through the ins and outs of a standard health exam. He'd be kitted out, obviously: lab coat, mini torch, stethoscope, latex gloves, the whole shebang. I expect he might have a lot of biology-related equipment in the lab already from supernatural subject testing, but if he needed more specialist equipment he'd just order it ahead of schedule.

His subject would be nervous, of course; it's intimidating to be intimately exposed in a room where the only other person present is someone senior to you and is still fully dressed, but Ford would be quick to pick up on their little trembles and he'd reassure them that they'll be well taken care of.

I imagine he'd either film it or record the audio. Not sure why, just seems like it would be important to have for his 'records'.

Ford would start off with generalised stuff, including reflexes, before moving onto something more.... Erotic? Gag reflex, for example. He might use a notched, glass tongue depressor (these are pretty old school, they use wooden ones now I believe) to see how much the subject could take back into their throat, to test how deep they can swallow around the depressor. He'd use his torch to shine in to watch the subject's throat convulsions, too. I think he'd just appreciate watching the human body react.

Then, I think a breast exam would be fun for him. He'd measure and then go on to check the subject's nipple reflex etc, still monitoring and noting down the reaction to stimuli, both from his fingers and his mouth.

And of course, a gyno/penile inspection ("feet in the stirrups for me please, my dear...")

(This is going to focus on vaginal because anal is not for me, it is personally triggering for various reasons that I don't want to explain, but I understand that a Reader may prefer it or may not have a vagina, so try to just apply what I'm saying to anal instead of requesting I write it, just in case anyone planned to, thank you! :) )

Again, reflex and stimulation response, making sure everything is in working order. I imagine he'd expect to need to use lubricant of some kind but be pleasantly surprised that nothing is needed, so he'd move along onto penetrative response.

Fresh gloves applied and then we're onto digital penetration! Now, Ford Dr Pines would have some standards already set; One, two, three, four fingers? Easy peasy. He'd know that his subject could take that, that's amateur hour as far as he's concerned. What he'd be interested in is how much further could his subject stretch? Dr Pines has big hands, after all, with thick fingers, and with six of them he's going to be expecting to go big or go home. Pushing boundaries is his whole thing!

He'd ratchet the stirrups a little further apart and ease a fifth finger into his subject, moving them slowly and carefully until his subject is acclimatised to the width and taking them with ease. The entire time he'd be singing their body's praises, too. Not in a dominant way, but just in a genuine, loving 'I'm really into you, and biology in general' type of way.

He'd be sure to question his subject throughout the process, too. Just like a regular sexual health appointment he'd be requesting information on his subject's sex life and general health, most of them bordering on inappropriate in terms of details, but he'd assure them the inquiries were perfectly normal and to be expected.

Now, I'm not into fisting and so I'm not going to write that, but I think he'd be very pleased if he managed to get his entire hand inside his subject, just for a moment. There'd be something endlessly wonderful to him to see the one part of himself that is so personal to him meet with the most intimate part of his beloved subject.

I think he'd play with a little oral stimulation, too. I doubt I have to go into this too much, so I'll leave you with the concept of him applying varying pressures of mouth/suction stimulation and taking breaks to yap his observations to the camera/recorder, playing totally dumb to the way it's absolutely torturous for his subject to be wound up and denied release.

He'd pause if his subject was too wriggly, though, and probably put them in restraints. For their own safety and for his; this is delicate! He wouldn't want his subject to hurt themselves.

For penile inspection, it would be very similar. Sensation testing and sperm production would be test-worthy to him.

And then he'd go about doing a general check up, the normal sort of stuff that you'd expect etc etc, until he'd lead it into sex.

I actually think he'd prefer to jerk himself off while he performed each test, as opposed to going into full penetrative sex with his subject. Not to say he wouldn't like that, but I just find watching masturbation to be much hotter sjsdhdhsjsjd

Now. To the more intense stuff:

Gags are used sometimes in medfet. They tend to be close to/or are professional dental equipment, such as a Jennings gag or similar. Personally, however, I think Dr Pines would quite enjoy engineering some of his own creations....

I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with equine dental spectrums (not many, I'm sure) but they're weird devices that I've been kind of obsessed with since I got to use one on a horse years and years ago (a visiting equine dentist let me, a student at the time, help out with my own horse's check-up and it was very cool and interesting!). Now, these things are big, obviously, and clunky. Google McPherson speculum (sfw). The part that forces the mouth open can be cranked to a preferred width, and there are metal troughs that cup the horse's front teeth and prevent cutting the vet's arm.

So, let's say our lovely Dr Pines decided to engineer a smaller, customised McPherson speculum for his subject. He'd create one that wrapped around his subject's head and parted their mouth nice and wide for him. Maybe

He'd lower his exam bed until his subject was laying prostrate and inspect their throat and molar teeth. This would probably be a variation on the basic oral exam I talked about at the start, just with harsher equipment. Cue gag tests, possibly with a proper, more phallic shaped, glass instrument. Maybe even his own cock. Depends on his fancy.

Another area is needle play/play piercing. He might be interested in sensation play with them or just simply enjoy the aesthetic of them. We could get weird with it and include some suspension flesh hook stuff, but I think that kind of stuff would be more suited to research era!Ford, for obvious reasons..... It's quite extreme.

Anaesthesia play, for me, is also interesting. Now, in real life, you don't use actual drugs. You'd use hypnotic suggestion, poppers, OTC sleepy pills or breathplay etc. But with Dr Pines? Well, you'd be in safe enough hands to risk dabbling with some groovy substances.... He wouldn't want his subject out cold, however. Just on the cusp.

Ever had gas and air? Well, I have (in a medical context), and it's kind of very fun. It made me feel lightheaded and woozy, and really giggly. It's basically a whippit (no idea if this is much of a thing outside of the UK??) and although you really shouldn't use them in a recreational context, they're not going to kill you if you use them once or twice under the right supervision. (do not condone, do not do this! *wags finger*)

I think Dr Pines would enjoy plying his subject with some delicious nitrous oxide until they were well and truly under the influence, and then either engaging in sex/orgasm extraction whilst they were restrained on the examination table or.....

He'd move from there into cutting: So, cutting is what it sounds like. Typically, a person would make small, shallow incisions with a scalpel and do some blood play etc, then bandage or sew them up. But because this is la la land, Dr Pines is going to go further than that.

Dr Pines would prefer to administer gas to relax his subject, then numb an entire area (let's say his subject's forearm) and dissect it. He'd want to see the inner machinations of his subject's body, to see how they really ticked and also, there's something very romantic about knowing your lover literally inside out, imo.

Now I know irl a person would probably pass out if they saw their insides for real, but this is fiction and Dr Pines' subject is tough. They're going to be into it. Like, I N T O it.

And then he'd lovingly stich his subject back up and nurse them back to health through aftercare.

I know, I know, this is surgery-level shit. This is not practical. I do not care. I want him to open me up and rummage around in there. I think it'd be cool.

Scenarios to apply medfet to:

Doctor-patient

Dentist-patient

And my personal favourite is always going to be: mad scientist-test subject and unethical experiments, hence the use of 'subject' instead of patient throughout this whole answer lol. It suits him too well to ignore. I'm sure you agree.

I could also apply this with Ford as the test subject too. As I mentioned previously, I think a little fic where he's the one who is picked up by a curious alien scientist and tested on would be fun, too. It would give me room to play with him being submissive..... Food for thought.

We'll have a little doctor-patient play in the Spores sequel, though it won't be a proper kink set up, but I am probably going to write a full play scene inspired by this post. This was fun to think about and it's got me imagining more about this kind of stuff now.

I have no idea if this was what you meant when you sent this ask, so I'm sorry if this wasn't quite what you were looking for but I hope it's at least a bit fun! :) I had fun and I really needed this distraction. So thank you, anon.

[a-really-cool-blog-name]

I NEED more information on Pavlova cookie because from what I have so far he is incredibly interesting.

(Important note! I am currently on chapter 2 of beast yeast so I have not played chapter 9 yet so most of my information comes from what people have told me which may be incorrect or not the full picture. If you have any important details to add or corrections, please tell me. I fully expect someone to come into the comments and tell me that this entire analysis is complete bull crap but this is just from what I've seen what is going on with Pavlova cookie. I'd love to hear you guys' thoughts about this.)

At first when I saw Pavlova cookie I was like "oh neat, another basic minion for the beast, this one's based off of cupid, that's pretty cool. I wonder what his personality will be like?" And his personality is like oh he loves love which makes sense because he's Cupid and it's also one of Eternal sugar's minions as previously stated and seems to like her because you know he's being a minion, BUT!

I think Pavlova cookies trapped in the garden and is slowly realizing that this is not what he wants. In a conversation Pavlova has with eternal sugar, Eternal sugar states that he's been going to like the edges of the garden and like leaving a lot (I don't really remember I don't have eternal sugar yet so I can't see this conversation for myself) and eternal sugar suspects that Pavlova might want to leave which Pavlova swiftly denies. Which most likely is because if anyone does deny Eternal sugar she apparently turns them to Stone???? As one of Pavlova's Ascension statements is that he doesn't want to be turned into a statue.

What?!??

And I think I know why! Eternal sugar directly describes Pavlova as "rebellious and curious" (not a direct quote I can't remember the word she uses to describe him but that is the meaning of the word) and I was like wondering why Pavlova is having second thoughts and then it struck me.

Pavlova cookie loves love, not happiness. And while love is directly tied to happiness, love is more directly tied to something else. You know what some people use instead of saying they're in love with someone? They say they're passionate about them. Love inherently is a passion. You're never going to get in a relationship if you just sit around and neither of you make some move, you're not even going to get that unrequited love if you don't know it is. And sure the feeling of Love might still be there, but true love requires passion. And I think Pavlova cookie might have these seeds of doubt about The garden of happiness because he's not truly happy because there's not as much love because there's not as much passion.

Love is Passion and Passion is Love.

Even if Pavlova cookie hasn't fully realized this this seeds are planted in his head that something isn't right, this garden of sloth, this prison of a paradise, isn't love, it isn't even lust, it's just fine. You're just happy, there's nothing more to it, and there is so so much more to love than just vague happiness. Pavlova cookie is directly stated to love all types of love, even the complicated messy types like unrequited, and he's not really seeing that because even if he hasn't connected the dots if there's no passion, there's no love.

(Also side note, I think I was right with eternal sugar being delusional and thinking she is genuinely still bringing the most happiness she can for people. She is still manipulating them but I think I was right and she genuinely believes she's doing the right thing. Which score for me, I think that's so much more interesting than she knows she's doing the wrong thing and purposefully manipulating people into it for fun which a lot of people was saying it would be. Detour over.)

Now as I've stated before I haven't played chapter 9 yet so there might be a conversation with Pavlova cookie that directly goes against some of this analysis but this is just what I've gathered so far.

Please tell me if I am wrong or if you have something to add to this, it would be deeply appreciated.

[codthefishgod]

Analysis post for episode 83 of Faroff, AKA Truth: Part 2

Split below for spoilers!

I am VERY sorry that this is late LMAO, this is probably one of my longest analysis posts so far and I haven't read through it all again yet so I hope it makes sense--knowing me I probably forgot something. 💀

Okay, unfortunately I did skip last episode's analysis post (I've been in a crappy place recently, I'm recovering more now though), BUT I'm BACK and THANK FUCK BECAUSE HOLY CRAP THIS EPISODE WAS JUICY-

First off, Tobias getting really and properly angry for the first time? Tobias in general seems to make a point of never showing ANY extreme emotions, happy or sad or otherwise. He's usually in a state of neutrality, and there have only been a handful of times where he's done otherwise (example of one of these times below.)

Fun fact, when I first saw this panel it was because someone on Instagram had it as their profile picture (they had it before the episode came out to non-Patreon subscribers), and I genuinely didn't think it was real (as in a canon panel) because I didn't think Tobias would show that much emotion until I actually saw the episode myself!

This is yet another way that he's the polar opposite of Fenn, considering Fenn is almost always showing extreme emotions and it's when he's calm that's odd for him.

Obviously this isn't because Tobias doesn't experience extreme emotions, but because it was dangerous to express any sort of vulnerability when he lived with his family. It's become ingrained in his behaviour.

So.

Him being genuinely, seriously, all out PISSED for the first time in Faroff history. Occurring at the same time as him being truly vulnerable about his past for the first time. It's no wonder that he has a lot of pent up anger about his past, considering everything, but what IS interesting is how it's manifesting, considering Tobias has never really directly spoken about his feelings towards his family on screen.

Most of his anger doesn't seem to be directed at his family for treating him badly, but at himself for not meeting their expectations.

He blames himself for them not showing him any love or attention. And he also seems to believe that maybe, just maybe, if he does the right thing or is in a bad enough situation, there's still a chance for them to accept him.

There's this panel to show that, not to mention that I've thought for a while that this is the reason behind why he's looking forward to going back to Vaylin (not so much since the Edward announcement but 😬.) I think he thinks that if he just does what they want for long enough, or at least stays out of their way, they'll care about him. If he fulfills this imaginary role he thinks he's supposed to, they'd love him. Of course, we know this to be untrue--just look at Edward--but one of Tobias' main motivations throughout this series has been shown to be the desire to be loved. And when all he's ever been taught is that usefulness = love, of course he's going to gauge everything by that.

Speaking of this panel specifically, this is actually kind of news to me, considering I've suspected for a long time that Tobias purposely failed out. Turns out that's not the case. He is genuinely, seriously, horribly bad at being a soldier.

Which brings me into my next point.

Fenn being forced to consider a new type of worth.

Throughout this series, Fenn has shown several times that he values himself entirely (or at least mostly) by how good a soldier he is. To him, that is All That Matters--serving your country and doing it well. Tobias has always acted as if he thought this was dumb, but it's being revealed to us now, that NO--Tobias was ALSO brainwashed for as long as he's been alive (though in a different way), and he ALSO values himself by how good a soldier he is. He's just a lot better at hiding that fact.

And this isn't a situation where Tobias actually is good at it and is just being hard on himself. He's the real deal. He fucking sucks at being a soldier.

But we also know that Fenn doesn't think Tobias is useless. We know Fenn values him. And Fenn knows that too. So he will be forced to confront this--that maybe being a soldier ISN'T all that matters, and there's more than one way a person can be important and worthy of love. Not only for Tobi, but for himself.

Continuing on the note of Fenn...

This also tells us some new information. What Fenn says about Tobias has a much bigger impact on him than previously thought. Similar to what I was talking about earlier, Tobias has always acted like Fenn's insults don't mean anything to him. But Tobias bringing up what Fenn has said about him in the past tells us something different--they DO hurt him.

I'll admit that I've seen the similarities in how Fenn (particularly early Fenn) sometimes talks to Tobias and how Tobias' family talked to him. But it's never been exactly clear how much this affects Tobias. It seems that he's been internalising at least some of the stuff Fenn says to him.

Now this is a dark take on this whole situation, but. Abuse victims are more likely to end up in abusive relationships because they're used to abusive dynamics, and may even see normal/healthy relationships as uncomfortable. I am NOT saying Fenn is abusive--he has his own reasons for acting the way he did, many of which are completely understandable from his perspective, though misguided. I AM saying that Tobias has acted uneasy and/or confused in the past when Fenn has acted in a way that contradicted his family's abuse (telling him his art is great, that his ideas are worth listening to, etc.)

This is part of why I think Fenn and Tobias aren't quite ready to be in a romantic relationship yet. There is a certain number of things that Fenn can show Tobias through treating him right, but Tobias shouldn't be dependent on Fenn to know what he deserves and what he's worth. And he should know what sort of treatment isn't okay. He should be able to tell Fenn if something he says hurts him.

Fenn would never hurt Tobias on purpose, but things happen when a person is prone to not speaking out for themselves. Tobias needs to have more character development so they can both have a more healthy relationship in the long run.

...Alright. Moving on.

Minor detail but it was confirmed that Tobias kept his identity a secret because he was afraid of Fenn reacting badly to it. I think most of us suspected that, though.

On a MUCH more positive note, we're about to get into Fenn's reaction!!!

In the past, Fenn has usually only helped Tobias when he's making an excuse for why it's okay, or when he's put their circumstances out of his mind and is refusing to think about them. For example, Fenn cooking for Tobias in the beginning and making the excuse that it's unfair if he's better fed than Tobias, or Fenn pretending that he and Tobias aren't enemies when they were slow dancing together.

But this time, there were no excuses. If he was following the law, he would report him. There was no ignoring their situation or putting it out of his mind. Hell, even Tobias himself threw it right in front of Fenn.

And yet he still chose to help him. I don't know if this development will continue as strongly after this episode--after all, Fenn tends to have a slight development regression after major steps in their relationship--but to me this is showing that he's at least getting closer to not needing some sort of excuse to justify him caring about Tobias. He's getting closer to being able to admit to himself that even if he didn't "have" to interact with him, he would still want to. And he's getting closer to being at a point where he would readily pick Tobias over Sona.

Not only that, but something else was missing as well.

You might've noticed that Fenn sometimes shakes before making a decision that'll bring him closer to Tobi. [Examples below]

I think it signifies internal conflict and struggling with making the decision.

He didn't do it this time, which to me means that this was not a difficult decision to make for him.

And that's not even mentioning the fact that Fenn called Tobias TOBI for the first time!!!

The way this went is quite vastly different from the way the first time Fenn called Tobias "Tobias" went. When that happened, as we remember, it was quite....DRAMATIC. Fenn basically regretted his decision almost immediately and flipped his shit.

But this time around, it was actually a very natural delivery. There was not nearly as much fanfare around it, and so far Fenn is not having the same sort of negative reaction as he did to calling Tobias "Tobias" for the first time. This makes a lot of sense to me, because the two names mark significantly different steps in their relationship.

Calling Tobias "Tobias" was the first proper break into "MAYBEEEEEEEEEEE he isn't the scum of the earth." Fenn reacted very dramatically to it because he had only just accepted that a truce between them was possible and was still deep in Vaylinians-are-inherently-evil-ville. He saw it as himself slipping up and I don't think he even really understood why he chose to do it the first time.

Calling Tobias "Tobi" for the first time, though? Definitely past the "maybe he isn't a bad person" mark. They already have a sort of relationship at this point, unlike the first situation where their "relationship" was basically them just shouting at and insulting each other. Calling Tobias "Tobi" is almost... A term of acceptance to me, if that makes sense? As in, "I'm NOT just doing this because we have a truce, or because I just feel guilty, but because I care about you and you specifically." There is no real excuse for him calling Tobias "Tobi." The only explanation is that he wants to, because he cares about him. It's calmer because it's accepting that. It was deliberate.

They also represent different things. I've talked in the past before about how Fenn says "Vaylinian" when he sees Tobias principally as an enemy, and "Tobias" when he sees Tobias as a real person. I think "Tobi" is not only seeing Tobias as a real person, but as an important person. A good person.

I also think "Tobi" is the signifier that Fenn and Tobias are officially friends now. Before, they always felt like they were this weird in between. Not friends, but not really enemies either. Now I think we've crossed the line into friendship.

And, though I may be wrong about this, I don't think Fenn will be calling Tobias "Vaylinian" at all after this episode. I just don't think Fenn will see Tobias in that way anymore, and now that he knows that Tobias has such low self esteem, I feel he wouldn't want to contribute to it.

Actually, I think this change may be one of the most permanent ones, purely because I don't think Fenn could bring himself to be mean to Tobias again knowing everything that he already thinks of himself. Tobias already thinks that he's useless, that he's a bad soldier, that he's a failure, that he's not someone worthy of love or friendship. Fenn is too good hearted a person to encourage thoughts like that. He can't just change his mind and go all "oh actually I hate you again," he has to think more about how what he does and says actually affects Tobias, and I think he'll become more considerate as a result. I even think Fenn will become more forthcoming about initiating physical contact and other positive interactions. (Speaking of physical contact, this isn't the first time they've hugged, but it's the first time Fenn has hugged Tobias and the first time they've both been an active part of a hug. The other time was kinda just Tobi hugging Fenn and Fenn being too in shock to respond LMAO.)

Overall, I think they're both going to be closer as a result of this interaction. This is the first time Tobias has been truly vulnerable with Fenn, and this is a great sign that the trust in their relationship won't be so one sided anymore (I do believe Fenn has trusted Tobias more than Tobias has trusted him on an emotional level.) Fenn's reaction was VERY important, especially considering Tobi's main reason for not telling Fenn about this was in fear of his reaction. It's proving Tobi's fears wrong and assuring him that it IS safe to tell Fenn about these sorts of things. This is INCREDIBLY important if we want Tobias to get some proper character development. I've always said that I don't think Tobias could get real character development until Fenn got his, and I think this proves that. This is the starting point of Tobias' development arc, and it would've never happened if Fenn hadn't gotten the development he needed to react the way he did. Tobias needs a safe person that he's never really had before, and it's starting to show that Fenn can be that for him, so he can begin to confront his past and realise he deserves better. Fenn's influence especially will probably help him accept the idea that he might not be in the wrong. :)

(I also think the more they both grow away from the people and forces that brainwashed them, the more receptive they'll probably become to the idea of trying to avoid being sent back to their home countries. Escape arc when? 👁)

Thanks for reading!

[mynicosensesaretingling]

One glance, A Second Chance

Nico Rosberg x fem! reader

Summary: Nico and (Y/N) unexpectedly cross paths at a charity event in Monaco. Old feelings resurface and they wonder if they might be able to give love a second chance.

Warnings: none

Note: Just a little thing that came to mind. I hope my fellow Nico enthusiasts enjoy this <3

————-

The Monaco Charity Gala was in full swing, the grand hall filled with the glittering elite of the racing world and beyond. Chandeliers cast a golden glow across the room, while the soft hum of conversation and clinking glasses blended with the sound of an orchestra playing softly in the background. Amidst the glitz and glamour, (Y/N) stood confidently, her black gown hugging her figure as she scanned the room with ease.

She was no stranger to events like these. Her success in the business world had made her a regular at high-profile galas, but tonight carried an extra layer of significance. It had been years since she’d been in the same room as Nico Rosberg. Their paths had diverged sharply after their brief, intense relationship years ago, back when his racing career was in full swing and her career was just taking off.

"Still can’t believe you got me to come here," (Y/N) murmured to her friend beside her, holding a champagne flute in hand. "I thought I was done with these types of events."

Her friend laughed lightheartedly. "Oh, come on. It's Monaco! And you look like you own the place."

With a small subtle smirk forming on her lips, (Y/N) clinked her glass with hers. "Fine, you win this one."

As they chatted, (Y/N)'s gaze drifted across the room—until her eyes came to an abrupt stop. There he was. Nico Rosberg. He hadn’t changed much since she’d last seen him: still the same confident, relaxed demeanour, his blonde hair swept back, and those striking blue eyes that had always drawn attention, were still holding the same sparkle that she remembered so fondly. He was deep in conversation with someone, but almost as if sensing her gaze, his eyes found hers across the room.

For a moment, time seemed to freeze. Nico’s expression shifted, surprise flickering across his face, quickly replaced by something more unreadable. His lips curved into a small smile as he excused himself from his conversation and made his way toward her.

(Y/N) took a steadying breath, not out of nerves, but to prepare herself for the inevitable conversation. She wasn’t the starry-eyed girl she had been when they first met. She had changed, and so had he. But there was a history between them, a spark that never fully faded, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it.

"Surreal. But seeing a friendly face makes it a bit more real," Nico said as he approached her, his smile soft but genuine.

"Oh, really?" (Y/N) teased, raising an eyebrow. "Just a friendly face? I’m wounded, Rosberg."

Nico chuckled, his eyes lighting up with amusement. "Okay, maybe a little more than just a friendly face." He paused, letting his gaze linger on her for a moment. "You look stunning, by the way."

(Y/N) smirked. "I always do."

There it was—the banter that had always come so naturally between them. Nico's grin widened, clearly enjoying the back-and-forth. "Fair enough. But you still surprised me. I didn’t think I’d see you here in Monaco of all places."

"Surprised myself, honestly," she admitted, taking a sip of her champagne. "But it’s Monaco, as you said. And it’s always fun to see old friends."

"Is that what we are now? Old friends?" Nico leaned in slightly, his tone low, playful even.

(Y/N) met his gaze head-on, her smile unwavering. "Well, considering you haven’t spoken to me in what… three years? Yeah, I'd say old friends is a good place to start."

Nico laughed, clearly not fazed by her confidence. "Touché. But to be fair, you’ve been busy conquering the world, and I’ve been—"

"Retired?" she finished, her eyes sparkling. "Yes, I noticed."

He raised a brow, clearly amused by her boldness. "I prefer 'champion-turned-entrepreneur,' thank you very much."

(Y/N) gave him a slow, approving nod. "That does indeed sound better."

Nico flashed a smile, clearly enjoying the subtle praise, but there was something more behind his eyes. “So, what about you? I remember you always had a million things going on. What’s kept you busy lately?”

(Y/N) leaned against the bar, turning her body slightly toward him. “Busy would be an understatement. Expanding the company, travelling... you know how it is.”

Nico tilted his head, curiosity piqued. “You always were ambitious. But what brought you to Monaco? I mean, it’s not just for the racing, right?”

She chuckled, swirling the champagne in her glass. “You’d be surprised. I’ve always had a soft spot for Monaco, and not just for the obvious reasons. It’s got charm, a pace I can appreciate now.”

“Now?” Nico raised a brow. “Has something changed?”

“More like I’ve changed,” (Y/N) replied, her gaze briefly meeting his, her expression softening. “Life moves fast. Sometimes you have to slow down and appreciate what’s right in front of you.”

Nico’s smile widened. “You sound like someone who’s finally found balance.”

“Maybe I have.” Her eyes flicked toward the stage where guests were mingling. “But enough about me. Tell me, does retired life suit you?”

Nico leaned in slightly, his voice lowering in a conspiratorial whisper. “Retired isn’t the word I’d use. More like… strategically exited.”

(Y/N) laughed, the sound drawing a few glances from the nearby tables. “Strategically exited? Wow, that sounds like something you’d put on a résumé.”

“Hey, if I’m going to leave on a high, might as well make it sound good, right?” Nico grinned, clearly amused by their back-and-forth. But then his tone softened, and he glanced at her with a more genuine expression. “But seriously… life after racing, it’s different. Calmer. But I can’t lie—I do miss it sometimes.”

(Y/N) nodded, understanding more than he knew. “It must be hard to step away from something that’s been your entire life for so long. But you seem to have transitioned well.”

“I’m doing my best.” Nico shrugged, his eyes never leaving hers. “And honestly, moments like this—seeing old friends again—they make it a little easier.”

There was a pause, the weight of his words settling between them. (Y/N) felt the familiar spark, the one that had been there years ago, flickering again.

“You know,” she said, breaking the silence with a smirk, “you’ve become quite the charmer since your ‘strategic exit.’ Was it part of your post-racing training?”

Nico laughed, shaking his head. “No, no training required. I just remember how to keep up with you.”

Before (Y/N) could respond, a voice interrupted the moment. "Nico!" A fellow guest had come up to greet him, and Nico gave them a polite smile before turning back to her.

“Duty calls,” he said, a hint of reluctance in his tone. “But don’t disappear on me, okay?”

(Y/N) gave him a playful smile. “I’ll try not to, but no promises.”

Nico’s grin widened as he stood, but before he walked away, he leaned in closer, his breath warm against her ear. “I’ll hold you to that.”

As he moved back into the crowd, (Y/N) watched him go, feeling the undeniable pull of their connection. It had been years, but something about tonight felt different—more electric, more certain.

The night continued, with flashes of conversation and laughter, but her mind kept drifting back to Nico. They hadn’t crossed paths in so long, but now that they had, the chemistry between them was undeniable.

Later, as the event began to wind down, (Y/N) stepped outside to get some fresh air. The cool night breeze was refreshing against her skin, a welcome reprieve from the warmth of the crowded gala hall.

She heard footsteps behind her and wasn’t surprised when Nico appeared at her side, his hands casually tucked into his pockets. “Escaping the madness too?”

“Just needed a moment,” she replied with a smile. “It’s been quite the night.”

Nico nodded, standing close enough that their shoulders almost touched. “It really has.”

They stood there for a few moments in comfortable silence, gazing out at the city lights twinkling over Monaco’s famous harbour. The night felt peaceful, but there was an undeniable tension between them—one that neither of them seemed eager to break.

Eventually, Nico spoke, his voice softer than before. “You know, I’ve been thinking about something.”

(Y/N) turned to look at him, curiosity in her eyes. “Oh? What’s that?”

He hesitated for a second as if weighing his words. “We’ve both changed. A lot. But standing here with you, it feels… easy. Like no time has passed.”

Her heart skipped a beat, and she felt the pull again—stronger this time. “It does,” she agreed, her voice just above a whisper.

Nico turned to face her fully, his blue eyes locking onto hers. “I don’t want to miss the chance to reconnect. To see where this goes.”

(Y/N)’s breath caught in her throat, the weight of his words sinking in. She had always been confident, in control, but right now, with him, she felt the stirrings of something more—something she hadn’t felt in a long time.

She smiled softly, her heart pounding in her chest. “I’d like that, Nico.”

The smile that spread across Nico’s face was genuine, full of warmth and something more—something hopeful. He reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, his touch sending a shiver down her spine. “Sunday, after the race. Let me take you out. No galas, no crowds—just us.”

(Y/N) didn’t hesitate this time. “It’s a date.”

Nico’s eyes sparkled with satisfaction, and he took a step closer, his presence intoxicating, as he repeated his words from earlier, “I’ll hold you to that.”

As the night wrapped around them, the moment between them lingered—filled with the promise of something new, something that had been waiting to be reignited all along.

[charmedreincarnation]

How am I supposed to deal with anti-shifters and people literally calling shifting a mental illness? I know it’s real, and it's baffling how some people want me to confine myself to a reality that doesn’t serve me. It’s like they can't comprehend that our realities can be fluid and personal. And don't even get me started on the pretentious, usually well-off, white shifter content creators who make videos about how perma-shifters are selfish. It's as if they can't see past their privilege and understand the deeper connections and meanings behind shifting. I sometimes wish I could permanently delete this account from existence because it's just so frustrating to navigate through all this negativity and misunderstanding. I know now I’m in a world filled with possibilities, and yet some choose to limit themselves and impose those limits on others. I can be happy one day, truly happy one day and jt makes me angry that it makes some people mad I believe I can wake up in a new world with wealth and money and a family that doesn’t abuse me and visit my favorite movies. Im not hurting anyone

Not trying to be mean because I get it and went through this as well, but some of you are addicted to arguing and stirring things up. Some people become complicit in their own suffering because you don’t have to consume that type of content! you can avoid it if you train your algorithm hard enough.

If there’s one thing you can learn from religious people, it’s their “I’ll pray for you” mentality. If someone doesn’t believe in God, they just say they’ll pray for you so you don’t got to hell or whatever

When you encounter anti-shifters, just hope that one day they open their minds and discover there's more to the world than meets the eye. If they never choose to do so, it doesn’t affect your journey. One thing YOU SHOULD NOT take from religious people is making shifting your entire identity. Yes, it’s part of who you are, but it's not everything. When you don’t believe in God, some religious people become upset because religion is their identity, not just a belief system. Shifting and the loa are similar in that way—if you’re secure in your journey, would you really care if others believe or not?

You can block them and move on, but I know that’s easier said than done. It makes you angry because you’ve made it your identity instead of just an inherent way of life. Everyone shifts, even anti-shifters, so whether they believe in it or not doesn’t matter.

They’re like flat-earthers to me—I just roll my eyes and move on. It shouldn’t take a toll on your inherent being or mental health. If it does, take a step back. Stop diving into communities you know will make you angry. You don’t have to drag ShiftTok drama to Tumblr or rant about them. Avoid reblogging blogs that share misinformation and arguing with them. You don’t have to share YouTubers who think perma-shifters are delusional or self-harming.

Really sit down and think: if you genuinely believe in shifting and believe you can do it, would you go around trying to prove it to those with no interest in it? Are you trying to convince them or yourself? Don’t tie shifting or anything spiritual to your worth or identity. It’s just your inherent being. Everyone is God in their own right, whether they recognize it or not. It’s not your job to force enlightenment on others. Focus on yourself, use the block button, and defend yourself when attacked without meaning but if there’s no progress in the conversation, still use that block button. Stop entering spaces you don’t agree with.

LOA vs ND, be states vs A and P—some of you guys genuinely just want to live out your high school clique fantasies on Tumblr. Stop arguing and do your own thing. Engage in the free will you have and stop turning spirituality into pretentious Reddit philosophy echo chambers of people who have lost sight of the teachings. This isn’t politics no one focused on their journey and life cares okay; no one cares. It’s should be very fun, engaging and simple—just remembering who you are. I know humans love labels and categorizing because we’re so diverse and versatile and three-dimensional, and sometimes that’s a lot so we want to find our “place” but your own label and true essence and limitless. take a deep breath, close your laptop, and remember you already know who you are.

I totally get that shifting has been life-changing for us, especially when so many of us have come from really challenging backgrounds. It can be incredibly disheartening to see someone tearing apart something that gives you hope. That’s why I find it frustrating when people casually say, "The only thing you have to lose is trying." Hope is a huge factor when you feel like you’ve got nothing else, and the belief that something can save you is incredibly powerful. You work tirelessly, holding onto hope despite facing the same difficulties that dragged you into a tough mental state and life situation in the first place—that's disheartening, and I’m not trying to downplay that at all.

But when you truly realize it’s going to happen, and when it finally does, you won’t even care about the naysayers. I’ve been there, looking back and realigning my thoughts, thinking about all those times others doubted everything. They argued and criticized, but in the end, their opinions won’t matter. It’s about that personal journey and the shift within yourself, the kind of change that makes all the worth it, because when you get past all that useless noise, it’s just you and the incredible things that you did that matter. This is your life so make the most of it.

[heavens-moonlight]

𝗕𝗢𝗥𝗗𝗘𝗥𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗘𝗦 | 𝟭𝟮 : 𝗙𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗥𝗧

𝟭𝟭 : 𝗔 𝗙𝗢𝗢𝗟’𝗦 𝗙𝗢𝗢𝗟 | 𝟭𝟯 : 𝗚𝗔𝗠𝗘 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥

Author’s Note: Believe it or not, the next chapter is technically the finale in terms of being inside the actual game, but there's still two more parts for the ending which I think will be unexpected since I took creative liberty on it to deviate from the actual drama. Updates will be about every few days from this chapter until the very last one so I hope you stay tuned for the last stretch! ♡

Tension permeated throughout the room, strained and taut, like a nocked crossbow aimed but yet to fire.

It was dire anticipation, the kind of disquiet expectancy, that made the air feel heavy—too heavy—where seemingly not even the tip of the sharpest arrow could pierce.

In the room darkened by nightfall, the harsh yellow lights flickered overhead, casting long, slanting shadows across every face present, amplifying every twitch of an eyebrow, every glance.

No one dared move to make the next move.

Mi-Na's finger was still frozen in midair pointed accusingly at Yeon-Woo while Yoon-Seo's icy glare stayed locked on Da-Bum, her hand just as steady, unwavering.

Paranoia coiled in the corners of the room like smoke, invisible but suffocating, blurring the lines between friend and foe.

Everyone is at a standstill as the simultaneous accusations of the suspects linger in the gradually narrowing space.

"Jin Da-Bum," Mina undertones. "Care to rationalize as to why you chose to venture off on your own?"

You haven't looked away from him since, not caring in the least whether Yeon-Woo was suspicious or not.

When it's as clear as this, how could you think otherwise?

"I—I just wanted to see if anyone tampered with it," Da-Bum stammers, offering a lame excuse in haste.

"Bullshit," Jun-Hee calls. "The only one who had that intention was you."

Da-Bum raises his hands in surrender, shaking them profusely. "I'm not the Mafia! How many times do I have to say it?"

"Stop lying, you jerk!" Yeon-Woo grits out, still in obvious pain that's now mixed with utter frustration. "That's been the weighted excuse of every single Mafia member so far. Just because you say you're not, doesn't mean you aren't!"

"Come on, I'm not the type of person who would do something like this! You know me!"

"Clearly not well enough!" You chuck the camcorder in his direction and it whacks him in the shin, bouncing with a harsh thud onto the floor thereafter. He flinches but doesn't dare retaliate for fear of further suspicion.

"You made us buy into your nice guy act all this while when we genuinely cared and wanted to protect you," Yoon-Seo spits out furiously. "If you act the same toward us the way those bullies did to you, how does that make you any different? After having suffered yourself, do you wish for others to go through it too? Is it fun for you?"

She's noticeably shaking in anger beside you, fists clenched at her sides.

It wasn't easy to get on someone's bad side, someone who could see good in basically everyone, but Da-Bum had managed it perfectly.

"Of course not!" Da-Bum defends. "How could you think that lowly of me?"

"Well, what else are we supposed to think when three people caught you in the act?" Yeon-Woo barely manages to get out before he clutches at his abdomen, the action of which doesn't go unnoticed by Da-Bum.

"Then, what can you say for the rest who saw you? When and how did you get hurt?"

You bite hard on your lip as the attention is suddenly diverted onto Yeon-Woo.

"I have no clue! When I woke up, I found myself in this state."

Da-Bum has the nerve to chuckle. "Is that even believable to your own ears, Mr. Mafia?"

Yeon-Woo pulls out his phone, the device wobbling in his weak grip, palm sweating from irritation and discomfort. "You know what? To hell with this. Fuck you, fuck this, fuck everything!"

[ ɴᴀᴍ ʏᴇᴏɴ-ᴡᴏᴏ ʜᴀs ᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ᴊɪɴ ᴅᴀ-ʙᴜᴍ. ]

"Two can play that game."

[ ᴊɪɴ ᴅᴀ-ʙᴜᴍ ʜᴀs ᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ɴᴀᴍ ʏᴇᴏɴ-ᴡᴏᴏ. ]

"So what? Don't act innocent when you're not." Turning to the group now, Yeon-Woo settles for, "I bet both Mi-Na and Da-Bum are behind this. So-Mi, Ji-Soo, Woo-Ram, Joo-Young, Kyung-Jun, and almost Na-Hee and Yu-Jun. They're all connected to those two in one way or another."

"Have you lost your damn mind?!" Mi-Na screeches. "How am I a part of this?"

"Why wouldn't you be since you're clearly the Mafia! Everyone may have overlooked the luminous paint on your shoes and socks, but don't think I forgot about it in the slightest!"

"You're so quick to point fingers, aren't you?" Mi-Na jabs him in the chest with her forefinger, forcing him back. "Explain your wound then, you pig!"

"Shut your mouth, you Mafia bitch!"

"I'll show you how much of a bitch I can be!"

Mi-Na punches him deep in the stomach right where it was still bleeding and Yeon-Woo doubles over groaning, not having expected the sudden attack long enough to shield himself.

[ ᴄʜᴏɪ ᴍɪ-ɴᴀ ʜᴀs ᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ɴᴀᴍ ʏᴇᴏɴ-ᴡᴏᴏ. ]

"That's enough!" Yu-Jun is quick to drag Mi-Na away before she can dig her nails into the cut flesh, lost in the lure of revenge.

She points to everyone in succession, eyes wide. "Vote now! It's him!"

Presented with a chance to slip away, Da-Bum rides on Mi-Na's coattails. "You all should do as Mi-Na and I did! I'm certain!"

"Will you can it already?" Yoon-Seo steps toward him, eyes blazing with ire. "Nothing you say will convince me. We agreed to wait, so why were you the only one who jumped the gun?"

"You said no one was there. I was just worried! The Mafia could've gone there and tampered with it. They had previously deleted existing camera footage too. There was no guarantee they wouldn't do the same again."

Yoon-Seo laughs incredulously, shoving him rearward. "If that's what you thought, all the more reason you shouldn't have gone there alone! In hindsight, if you're as innocent as you claim to be, then you should have told me before—not after the act—to rid of possible suspicion."

"You didn't go there simply to confirm whether it was charged or not, you went there with the purpose to rid of evidence, worried about your identity having been revealed if you were caught on camera!" Jun-Hee states, conviction in his voice.

"That's not true! I didn't delete anything. I simply took a look at it. You can't call me a Mafia for that."

Jun-Hee grabs him by the collar of his shirt, the fabric bunching. "You were the only one out of all of us who tried to find the camera. There's no reason to so much as peek at it if you're not guilty, you sick bastard!"

[ ʜᴀɴ sᴇᴏʟ-ʜᴡᴀ ʜᴀs ᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ᴊɪɴ ᴅᴀ-ʙᴜᴍ. ]

[ ʟᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴏɴ-sᴇᴏ ʜᴀs ᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ᴊɪɴ ᴅᴀ-ʙᴜᴍ. ]

[ ᴋɪᴍ ᴊᴜɴ-ʜᴇᴇ ʜᴀs ᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ᴊɪɴ ᴅᴀ-ʙᴜᴍ. ]

"Just what are the three of you doing? For all we know, you're close enough to pin this on me together!"

"I would trust them over you any day, you fucker!" Yeon-Woo curses before turning to Eun-Chan and grabbing his friend by the upper arm. "He goes first tonight, and tomorrow, the she-Devil can be next. We'll be done with this game then."

Your eyebrows knit together as you hear Jung-Won speak up, not leaving room for Eun-Chan to respond.

"There's something I want to ask though, Yeon-Woo. You said you woke up with a wound you didn't know how you got. If you're blameless, why did you hide it? You even hid it from Eun-Chan, who is obviously, someone you trust the most."

"Why do you think?" Yeon-Woo pushes his glasses up his nose bridge. "If I told you, you would have made me take the fall for it."

"Jung-Won..." Yoon-Seo murmurs, in incredulity, her friend not siding with her hitting like a bolt from the blue.

You close your eyes tight, your conversation with Jung-Won from the previous day replaying over and over like a broken record—a broken friendship.

So it was always going to come to this.

"Regardless, you should've still been honest with us..." Eun-Chan adds exasperatedly. "Now everything's more complicated than it already is."

Yeon-Woo whips his head in his best friend's direction, in dejection. "Not you too..."

Jung-Won steps toward Yeon-Woo with iron-clad resolve. "None of us knew that the Mafia was injured in the morning. It's odd that you would rather bury this situation then let it see the light of day. Don't you know that hiding only leads to greater misgivings?"

At a loss for words, Yeon-Woo remains silent, but you speak up for him.

"You can't possibly tell me that if Yeon-Woo told us, you would take it to mean he's cleared?" You throw your hands up in the air, shaking your head at the absurdity of the situation. "Whether he said anything or not, we still would've ended up here. You're not looking for someone to tell the truth. You're just looking to turn them into lies. Look where we are now!"

Jung-Won turns her head to the side, not looking directly at you, but you can sense the distaste coming off her in waves.

"Jung-Won is right though," Da-Bum interjects. "He probably couldn't tell us because he was the Mafia and he knew he'd look culpable."

"I've never seen you run your mouth this much to defend anyone, Da-Bum," you counter lowly. "Not even yourself."

A silence settles over the room as Jung-Won doesn't look at Da-Bum and neither does he look at her.

"I bet both those bastards are Mafias trying to throw the other under the bus for their own survival," Mi-Na scoffs. "Forget the show they're putting on, just vote for one of them!"

Before anyone else can insert their unsolicited opinions, Yeon-Woo charges at Da-Bum and heaves him to the floor, the two tussling.

It isn't until the following vote do they pause.

[ ᴏʜ ᴊᴜɴɢ-ᴡᴏɴ ᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ɴᴀᴍ ʏᴇᴏɴ-ᴡᴏᴏ. ]

"You killed Na-Hee, didn't you?" Jung-Won contends.

"Now where does this additional allegation stem from?!"

"Oh Jung-Won!" Yoon-Seo grabs at her friend's phone sensing the coming course of action, but it's not nearly quick enough to stop the inevitable.

"I'm positive it's Yeon-Woo this time. Look at the lesion on his body. He can't even explain it to us."

"You'll all regret this!"

In a burst of rage, Yeon-Woo lifts a chair overhead, wanting to bash it against Jung-Won's head with all desire to injure his accuser.

As he surges toward her, Eun-Chan barely holds him back in time, shoes squeaking with every streak of his soles, skidding the once pristine linoleum floor with black lines.

"Let it go! You're not helping your own case!"

Just when you think it's over, Yeon-Woo spins and kicks Eun-Chan to the floor, the latter falling in a heap in utter shock.

"Get it together! Why won't you vote Da-Bum out? Why are you hesitating? Why are you so nonchalant about the fact that I'll be executed wrongly?"

"It's not like that!" Eun-Chan denies. "You haven't given us any clarity at all."

"How much more transparent can I be?" Yeon-Woo places his hands on his hips and hangs his head low, cursing under his breath before inhaling and looking up sharply. "How about this? You and I were together last night. How come only I got stabbed? Tell me, was it you?"

"What...?"

"Is that why you alerted the others about me occupying the infirmary?"

Eun-Chan gets to his feet abruptly and Dong-Hyun and Hyun-Ho get in between the two boys, forestalling another oncoming clash.

"Cut it out!"

"Aish. Why won't you try to find who did this to me instead of driving me into a corner? This wound hurts like hell, but even more so is your false perception of me."

Eun-Chan takes a few steps back, all the way to where you were standing, as far away from his friend as possible.

[ ɪᴍ ᴇᴜɴ-ᴄʜᴀɴ ʜᴀs ᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ɴᴀᴍ ʏᴇᴏɴ-ᴡᴏᴏ. ]

You and Jung-Won meet eyes across the room and you can see the parallel between you both like that of Eun-Chan and Yeon-Woo.

You think you know someone until you find out you never did at all.

[ ᴄʜᴀ ʏᴜ-ᴊᴜɴ ʜᴀs ᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ᴊɪɴ-ᴅᴀ ʙᴜᴍ. ]

"Why did you keep silent? You trusted yourself more than me—than us together—to keep the secret. Or maybe, you couldn't because you were the Mafia. Maybe, the word trust never existed to you in the first place."

"Yah...I expected this from the others. But how could you? How could you vote me out? You! Out of everyone!"

"It isn't like that!"

"It's exactly like that!" Yeon-Woo says shakily, clearly betrayed. "Now I know how little our friendship amounted to you..."

[ ᴊᴀɴɢ ʜʏᴜɴ-ʜᴏ ʜᴀs ᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ɴᴀᴍ ʏᴇᴏɴ-ᴡᴏᴏ. ]

[ ᴋɪᴍ ᴅᴏɴɢ-ʜʏᴜɴ ʜᴀs ᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ɴᴀᴍ ʏᴇᴏɴ-ᴡᴏᴏ. ]

You can physically feel the pain of your heart dropping to the bottom recesses of your ribcage, the unexpected successive announcements ricocheting like bullets through your chest.

Lost, you grab at their arms, trying to shake some sense into them.

"What are you doing? Huh? Tell me!"

Hyun-Ho puts his hand over yours but you yank it back, hurt. "I'm sorry, Seol-Hwa. I can't agree with you this time."

"Sorry won't cut it," you answer, tears of frustration collecting, but you refuse to let them fall. "Is this as far as you both can trust me? After everything we've gone through together?"

"All these years, I've lost count of how many times Dong-Hyun and I had to save Da-Bum, in circumstances no one should ever have to witness, much less experience. To imagine him doing something of this caliber...I can't. We can't."

"Have you..." you pause, shaking your head as a stubborn tear trickles down. You swipe it away indignantly. "Have you ever considered that masks can be deceiving and that the vilest person is someone who fools others by hiding their evil in the good and kind? Villains are made, never born."

"We have no way of proving that..." Dong-Hyun says quietly.

It draws a bitter laugh out of you. "You can just say my words aren't enough."

"That's not what I meant—"

"You meant it enough to say it." You look down, chin quivering. "It looks like we won't make it to the end together as we promised. From now on, we don't owe each other anything anymore."

"Seol-Hwa—"

"I'm disappointed in you," you whisper out, the fight leaving your body. "Na-Hee would be too."

Hyun-Ho reaches out again but you step away, evading him.

Just as you swivel around, Da-Bum smirks victoriously at you, eyes narrowing, though unable to hide the glimmer in them as he takes in your hopeless expression. As you glower at him, he idly straightens his shirt, not a care in the world.

In the background, Yeon-Woo runs off, forlornly accepting his sealed fate, Eun-Chan shuffling after the shadows of his friend's footsteps, remorse rising far too little, far too late.

"The rest of you can stand here and mull it over, but I'm going to hide, with or without you." Not waiting on a response, Mi-Na turns on her feet and leaves, the others filing out heartlessly.

Hyun-Ho and Dong-Hyun try to approach you but you put your hands up, guarded, not looking at them.

"Just leave. I don't want to see you again."

Conflicted, the two glance at each other, exchanging silent words before reluctantly exiting, throwing glances over their shoulders at you until they disappear from view.

Da-Bum is the last to saunter out, to the screams of Jun-Hee in the backdrop.

"We should get going too. There's not much time left," Jung-Won says casually, callously.

Beside you, Yoon-Seo kneels to pick up the bloody shirt and towels Mi-Na tossed on the floor at the beginning of the night, inspecting it with a faraway glance.

You leave her be.

"It's that jerk, Jin Da-Bum. I saw him sneer earlier when the votes overturned in his favor," Jun-Hee laments as he angrily kicks at a chair.

"Everyone finished voting. There's nothing we can do now except save ourselves." Jung-Won crosses her arms over her chest, wanting to end the conversation.

You can't bother with her, heart hanging heavy in your chest.

"I'll get going first then," Jun-Hee starts. "You all should hide."

You reach out for his hand, to which he holds tenderly in his own, lacing your fingers together.

"You're not coming with?”

He smiles softly at you, patting the top of your head fondly. "It's more dangerous if we stay together. Let's go separately just for today. We'll see each other in the morning."

You look up at his dark eyes, gazing down at you affectionately.

"Will we?" you question, more to yourself than him, but he catches it anyhow.

His smile wanes faintly and you don't miss the change in microexpression, but he keeps the grin on his face for your sake, stepping forward and placing a kiss to your forehead, lingering.

"We will," he assures. "I'll always be waiting for you."

You hold onto his hand for as long as you can before you let him go, watching him walk away from you, once again.

It doesn't take long for him to disappear out the doors, but you count his steps, down to the very last echoes.

"We don't have much time left," Jung-Won repeats again, monotonously, bordering on anxious.

"Jung-Won," Yoon-Seo leads, words uneven. "How...did you know Na-Hee hid up in the space in the bathroom when you and I went to look for clues earlier on?" She sidles toward you and pulls you over to her by the wrist, fingers clamping onto your forearm, touch cold. "I don't remember Seol-Hwa or Jun-Hee telling us that."

"That's because we didn't..." you reply softly.

"Anyone can put two and two together. That was the only place someone could've hidden."

"There...How can anyone guess she would be best concealed there?"

"Wanting to stay alive calls for desperate measures."

"Are you talking about her...or yourself?" Yoon-Seo breathes out heavily. "Yeon-Woo's wound...did you do that? Na-Hee too?" She fumbles over her next questions in haste. "The security footage?! Did you kill our classmates?" Receiving no immediate response, her questions barrage on. "Why...won't you say anything? You didn't, right? Tell me you didn't! I'll believe you if you do. Tell me you didn't! Please tell me it wasn't you!"

Yoon-Seo falls to the ground in sheer anguish from the realization, and you kneel beside her, just as much guilt-ridden for hiding your suspicions.

Seeing her like this hurt.

You wanted to at least save her from the revelation to the end.

Jung-Won glances over at you, eyes shaking as she can't believe you never told anyone, true to your word.

You're none the wiser as you look at Yoon-Seo in concern, her cries filling the void of the room.

"I can't tell you that."

"Why?! Why is it you?!" Yoon-Seo chants over and over, nearly crawling over to grab at Jung-Won's legs, begging.

"Why can't it be me?" Jung-Won replies coldly. "If you figured it out, you should run away while you still can."

At those words, Yoon-Seo faints, and you catch her in your arms, tapping to awaken her to no avail.

[ ᴠᴏᴛɪɴɢ ɪs ᴏᴠᴇʀ. ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴠᴏᴛᴇs, ɴᴀᴍ ʏᴇᴏɴ-ᴡᴏᴏ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴇxᴇᴄᴜᴛᴇᴅ. ]

The tears cascading down your face drop onto the fabrics still in Yoon-Seo's tight grip, diluting the red drops.

You wonder how many tears it would take to fill an ocean deep enough to wash it anew.

A clean slate.

A fresh start.

A purified existence.

"Is this what you wanted to see—how your betrayal would leave your friends an empty shell of the person they used to be?" you mourn emptily to the air. "If it is, you've more than succeeded, Jung-Won."

"Seol-Hwa—"

"I wanted to spare at least her." You look up at her bitterly, the tears obscuring your vision as you hold Yoon-Seo tighter against yourself. "She trusted you more than she trusted herself."

"I—"

"Please. I don't want to see this to the end if it's the end I've hoped against all along. I'm tired of wishful thinking, of dreaming for things that won't come true. If I could, I'd sacrifice myself for everyone to get the chance to go home. Can we go back to the start where we were still friends, Jung-Won?"

Maybe it's your brain hitting you where it hurts most, but through your clouded vision progressively diminishing to black, it almost appears as though Jung-Won reaches out to you.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking—another one of your hopeful dreams never to come true.

𝟭𝟭 : 𝗔 𝗙𝗢𝗢𝗟’𝗦 𝗙𝗢𝗢𝗟 | 𝟭𝟯 : 𝗚𝗔𝗠𝗘 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥

© 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐬 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞. 𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨, 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞, 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫-𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐭. 𝐀𝐥𝐬𝐨, 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞, 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐞, 𝐨𝐫 𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦 𝐢𝐭 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞.

[nynyhaha]

Neon Nostrade and the naivety of evil

Neon is hated on by both Chrollos and Kurapikas stans.And I never really liked her as well,tho I don’t think she deserves the hate.As a character,she’s actually brilliant!

She sure is naive.But she’s not evil.She actually shows a wish to help people.I wonder if she’s aware what kind of people she’s helping with her ability,but I doubt it.

As someone who loves finding bones in the wild and making necklaces from them,who is interested in the way human remains look,I have to remind myself not to be like neon.

Because to her,the scarlet eyes are just a fun accessory.A part of the yorknew arc I overlooked when first watching HxH was the way her whole essence affects Kurapika distructively.

Kurapika is breaking his moral compass as he allies himself with such a brutal organisation as the Nostrade family.Yet his job is rather harmless:protecting the Bosses teenage daughter.

Someone who is naive,spoiled and throws tantrums,but not someone who’s a bad person.I believe that Kurapika really wanted to protect her and keep her safe.

But she’s the customer. She is on the demand end,Chrollo does the supply,and Kurapikas family is the product

I don’t know why the troupe murdered the Kurta clan.But I know they sold their eyes because there were people willing to buy them.If not for people like her,the Kurta eyes wouldn’t even be on the black market.People who harvest human eyes and sell them are worthy of Kurapikas wrath,but people who buy those eyes and create the demand should be too.

Remember how Kurapika and Melody had to obtain body parts so they would be hired?Well,how do we know those body parts were ethically sourced?

What gives Neon the confidence,that the eyes aren’t from someone who was killed for them? But she doesn’t ask that question.

I doubt she knows how they were gathered,but she doesn’t know because she doesn’t even THINK about it.

That is sociopathic behaviour,but just like it’s normalised to eat meat in our society without thinking much where it comes from(I am myself guilty of that but I don’t feel guilt)in the world Neon grew up in,the history behind the desired treasure is not relevant.

This is also so interesting because out of Kurapika,Chrollo and Neon,Neon is the most innocent.

Kurapika is going down a dark path of working with the Mafia such as Neons father and actually killing someone.Chrollo is the reason for that.And who is on the other end of Kurapikas loss and Chrollo’s crimes?

A cute little girl.She hasn’t ever killed anybody.She’s valued by her father just for her ability.She wants some independence so she goes out and talks to Chrollo.

The phantom troupe turns out to be more human than Kurapika could’ve ever imagined.That results in him questioning his worldview where only the most evil psychopaths could do what the troupe did,but the troupe doesn’t consist of psychopaths.

And what about Neon?Shes not only a human with feelings,but she doesn’t even have bad intentions.She is not even a bad person.

Tserri is.And we would all expect someone like him to be on the demand end of the pipeline.

But there’s another type of person happy to have kurta eyes,someone who is looking at them with genuine,childlike wonder.

The phantom troupe teaches us that people can do unspeakable things while still having the ability to care about their friends,still having family like bonds with others.It’s possible to be a ruthless criminal who is selfless enough to sacrifice oneself for a loved one.

But Neon is the opposite of that.You can be a cheerful,delusional rich girl who doesn’t what to hurt anybody ,and yet be part of something as horrible as the body part market.

If the phantom troupe are monsters with feelings,Neon isn’t a monster at all.That’s what makes her even more terrifying.

Rather than ending up as Kurapikas or Chrollos,it seems that we are most likely to end up as a Neon.Because we are not required to kill to be affiliated with evil

[softpine]

So this might be a weird question. Do they have sex? Neither of them seem inclined

RIGHT WELL ABOUT THAT.... there are a ton of things i had intentions to write but probably wouldn't have gathered the courage to post because they ended up becoming far too personal for me. and frankly i don't think people were ready to read and be compassionate about this specific plot line, which was a huge problem because it was so personal to me. i don't want to go into detail, but it had a lot to do with intrusive thoughts. i realized that i couldn't portray that in the specific way i wanted to using this visual medium. i was terrified that my meaning would be misconstrued considering the topic is already so misunderstood by those who haven't experienced it. basically, i wrote myself into a corner by setting up this plot line and then realizing i actually am sooo not ready to share this with the world.

but i can still answer your question!! the short answer is yes, sometimes.

the long answer is that casper is ace, but for many reasons, you wouldn't hear him use that language himself. he wholeheartedly believes his complicated feelings about intimacy stem from OCD (oh yeah idk if this will be surprising to anyone, but i was in the process of saddling him with that 😌), and who his biological father is and knowing he shares his genetics, and also due to the way he was raised (mikaela may have been really good about teaching safe sex, but she was also a young mom who gave him an extreme fear of pregnancy lmao). it's hard to make sense of these outside factors and how they relate to inherent sexual attraction, and well, honestly... casper is not the type of person to investigate his feelings in this way. as he gets closer with coco and things start heading towards a relationship, he tells her that sex isn't his thing. he likes all the other parts about being in a relationship, he just wishes sex didn't have to be part of it.

she doesn't believe him at first and thinks that he's just using this as some kind of manipulation tactic. given her trust issues and the experiences she's had throughout her life and her career, she genuinely can't imagine that any man would want to be in a relationship without sex – specifically with her, as she has a hard time viewing herself as valuable outside of her sex appeal. neither of them are particularly good at communicating their feelings, so they end their already tenuous relationship and go back to being friends. but with time she realizes he's being honest. it makes her think about what she actually likes & doesn't like about sex. for her, it's a foregone conclusion, something she does even when she'd rather be doing something else, and the times she's enjoyed herself the most are when she's alone (truly alone, not in front of a camera) or when sex is the vehicle by which she can get closer to someone.

later, when they do get together, coco makes it clear that she's fulfilled with the relationship as it is, but that if he wanted to try it, she wouldn't make it a big deal. she knows better than anyone what it feels like to have sex with someone she's not sexually attracted to. it can still be fun, feel good, strengthen bonds, etc. and of course they would stop if it wasn't working out. this is something casper never got from the other people he's been with, no matter how understanding they tried to be. it's the first time he doesn't feel like he's being left out of a joke, or that he has a ton of expectations to live up to. so it does work for them sometimes! just not super often. but everyone's needs are being met and no one is getting pressured so it's all good :)

obligatory disclaimer: this is only representing the experiences of two individuals, this is not meant to be a representation of all asexual people, or all sex workers, or all people with trauma, etc.

[villanious-gay-ghost]

I think I've figured out how to let go

(originally posted on Reddit by me, but I thought I'd share it here as well)

Doesn't apply to everyone!!! We all have different journeys and different things that work for us! These are just some thoughts, take them with a grain of salt. If it doesn't resonate with you, then it's not for you.

I've been thinking a lot about this recently because I felt like I'm trying to control too much of my DR to the point that it has become an obsession. For almost three years, I've been doing the same thing over and over again. I create myself a DR with the perfect life, perfect backstory, perfect S/O, perfect family, etc. It's all so perfect and planned out that it has no room for growth. When you have everything, that's just not fun.

Then when all the planning and scripting is done, I lose interest, and it's not getting me anywhere. No matter how perfect these DRs are, they feel distant, unrealistic, and unreachable. They're just too good to be true. I'm sure that such realities exist, but for me, it's not a realistic goal YET because I'm clearly struggling to get there. And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way and I'm trying to come up with a solution for that.

So if my DR is already perfect, then what else is left to do? Nothing. It's not an authentic experience anymore. Perhaps the hardest part is admitting to myself that I don't want the perfect DR or an ideal version of myself because that's what I've been chasing the entire time. The easy way, where I have everything, but it's just not what I want.

I want the human experience where I can find true immersion, where I have no knowledge of the outcome. I want to live, to exist.

Shifting is life. You're not an actor trying to act out a script. It's not just some fantasy, we're talking about reality. But life isn't something that you can plan, is it? There's always something that we can't predict because that's just how it is.

So what is letting go?

Letting go is when you specify only the basics in order to create a grounded reality. You define who you are, where you want to go, create a general idea of your life, maybe who your parents and siblings are, but you let the rest naturally unfold. You don't stress about the little details, you don't make a 20 pages long script.

Put that script aside for a bit. You don't plan your younger brother's personality, you don't plan your neighbor's eyebrow color, you don't plan how many bathrooms your house has, the types of plants your high school biology teacher kept in her classroom, you don't plan your number of friends, or the brand of your first car. You don't plan. You absolutely can do all those things, and having a script doesn't necessarily mean that you're obsessed with control. But if you're like me and that's not working for you, then maybe try considering going back to basics. You don't need specifics to connect to your DR.

It's hard, I know, because we want to be in control and all that. But you're letting go by not trying to control every aspect of your DR. Trust yourself, trust the universe, trust shifting, trust whatever you believe in and let go of your limitations. Create a reality for yourself, a place where you genuinely want to live.

But if you only have the basics, then how do you shift? That doesn't seem enough, but, in theory, it should be. True, you don't have specifics, but you still have the key, the most important thing that you need in order to shift: yourself.

Just lay down, relax, focus on your breathing if that helps. Let go of the details, don't think about them because they're only holding you back. Focus on the idea, the concept of a better reality where you're safe, cared for, and happy. You don't need a method, you don't need to visualize. Just feel and trust that it's happening. Feel the peace and feel the shift pulling you in.

Hope this helps someone. Start open and go living!