#I tried to kill myself to prove it
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For a week or so in sixth grade I became convinced that I was dead/rotting. I kinda just moved on from that but Jesus Christ little me was fucked up.
#Important to mention that it wasn't like a play thing either#I sincerely believed I was dead#I tried to kill myself to prove it#Obviously didn't work#I don't know what the fuck was up with that#Although I do think I had a bad wound that was rotting a little#I don't knowww#confession#random shit
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thinking abt kon getting hurt/upset about something big and clark bundling him up in his cape... ouuhhhhh souperfam save me...
#rimi talks#kon is clark's little guy. and when i stop being sleepy i will have further things to say about this#specifically i just think often abt kon's independence vs clark's protectiveness#and kon and the arc of having to accept that he can ask for help sometimes actually#like the post sb94 no. 100 fic that lives in my head#where clark is like WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU WERE HOMELESS YOU ARE LITTLE AND SMALL I WOULDVE HELPED SOONER#and kon is like uhhh wdym. i didnt want to burden you and anyways i can handle myself??#and clark is like You Are Sixteen And You Were Homeless And Then Getting Majorly Exploited--#but kon is sixteen and doesn't even understand that he was getting exploited for housing. because he is sixteen.#and clark just wants to wrap him in his cape and protect him forever. but he can't bc kon would hate that.#but also kon's constant need to prove himself as worthy of the S...#the way he strives to prove he ''deserves'' superman's respect + care...#mae ripping off his s-shields and telling him he wasn't worthy of them really did a number on him 💀#like clark doesnt even know kon tried to kill himself to ''prove'' his worth. oh my god#okay i need to take a nap but my god. you guys. souperfam...#kon#clark#superfam
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:')
#what do you do when you feel like everyone else in your friend group cant see or recognize how annoying a person is#sjshsksbsksnsksjs i cant stand her i get so annoyed when i see her or hear about her that ive just had to leave#and tbh my mental has been a lot better since......#idk its gotten to the point where i struggle ignoring her or being cordial because im just like “OH MY GOD get over yourself”#yeah were all sad it doesnt make you special and you arent the most sad either#people who make how depressed they are part of their personality / their only personality trait are my biggest pet peeve#and i think a big reason for that is i used to do that so i understand but like that will only make you continue to feel worse because#youre like always acknowledging the sad and youre building your life and personality around how sad you are to the point where you CANT get#better because sadness is part of who you are and it feels like losing that sadness is losing the only part of yourself you know and#understand#but no!!!!!#thats just how you stay sad!!!!#some people think if you arent sad forever then your depression isnt as real as other peoples and i think she is that way#which is another reason i cannot stand her bc she thinks im not depressed too just because i dont talk about it#bitch!!!!! ive tried to kill myself!!!! i have self harm scars that will never heal from 10 years ago!!!!!#but i dont make it part of my personality!!!!! why would i!!!!#ugh im so annoyed that i feel like i have to prove myself#and its like if im not depressed all the time then i never was depressed#when bitch i was put in a psych ward!!!!!#i hate her#tbh#im starting to think i cant go back#i miss a lot of people but bc of her i just hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#vgobvent
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me wobbling constantine llike laminated paper: ooooo you are so starved for approval and too proud to ever voice it and too afraid you'll never get it so you throw yourself full-body at the worst problems humanity and hell can conjure up and make yourself look at the things that you know will haunt you because you think if you manage to win on a dramatic enough scale then maybe you'll at least earn some approval after you're dead, oooooo
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#i've cracked the fucking code i've figured it out#john: i did not ask to be the problem-solver but while i'm already HERE let me burn myself down at both ends to fix it. no reason why#thinking about how even when he knew & accepted his dad was shitty & abusive he still tried desperately to earn his love#even After his father was killed he still tried to appease the old fucker and still felt awful leaving him in hell (where he BELONGED)#thinking about how he is always trying to solve his friends' problems for them as quickly & easily as possible#or placing himself in a leadership role when working with members of the magic community. especially the rich ones#like he needs to prove that he does belong with them and is worthy of being listened to#he is so Starved for validation for all he has done and gone through and sacrificed and he will always be trying to fill that void#i'm still so busy don't perceive me. but do perceive This bc i'm thinking about it Endlessly#( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN.#( headcanons. ) I'M JUST LIKE THE BASTARDS I'VE HATED ALL ME LIFE.
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#the results finally came: i have hepatitis. Is not longer just simple sickness and liver malfunction. Now i have chronic illness#and i am back into my place. after being far away for some weeks feeling like a victim of the narrative#how foolish and stupid i was#i tried not to think about it. to not give it importance as she said it was not that serious#but now that i am alone in here again i realize that everything it was my fault#“is our mistake” i can hear her say. but it is my fault: i was the sober one. the one in control. the one that did not let her go#“she was teasing you. was somerhing she wanted” some people reply. but that is no excuse for my behaviour#i was supposed to protect her. to let her be free with herself. and in the end i only gave her pain and regret. i destroyed my last chance#perhaps being denied to fix what i did. to prove myself better. is my punishment and i should accept it#not able to know about her life. if she is okay. if her heart is recovering. if her mind is not killing her. is part of the punishment too#sure. the guilt is destroying me. but i deserve it. in fact. i deserve all the problems i am having. i deserve to be out of her life#my chairs are screaming. my bed is punching. the blankets are a burden. the walls compress me. the juice is sour.#i can no longer make that dish. not that snack. and just thinking about the strawberrys dessert makes me nauseous and want to puke#i am totally sure that event damaged her more than she wanted to admit. if is this devastating to me. should be x10 worse for her.#but i will never know and that is part of the suffering i deserve#i hope she manage to heal. to forget about me. to find someone better that can truly help her#i hope she never wanted to came back. it will only bring her pain. see me will only make her remember the trauma#i am not free of sin. i betrayed myself that day. i betrayer her too. i do not deserve forgiveness from both#the walls are not the culprit. yet my anger keep me punching them. i could damage myself but my liver is already doing that#perhaps this illness will set me free. but until that happens. i still need to try going forward.#mostly becasue is not fair i just give up and end my suffering that easy. i must face my punishment#yet i hope she is not being tormented by my mistake. i doubt it. but she deserve better#hopefully she will never read this and therefore never try to contact me to debate the mistake if she still think was her fault#hopefully she will heal and grow. happy and independent. free with lots of friends. loving herself and someone special for her#i tried to be a saviour but at the end i only destroyed who i wanted to save. along myself in the process#better to stay alone that to hurt someone and myself again#i wish life to let me be in the void where i belong. feeling desires is gross and awful. better to not feel anything like i was before#tried to distract myself with funny stuff and healing posts. heck even some sad and broken stuff to feel understood#but nothing of that was really helpful as i was only neglecting the reality and severity of my actions. i must leave#so goodbye. i should come back when the illness and the guilt stop killing me (if it does not succeed)
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my job busted my ankles😭my right knee is purple 😭my biggest talent is finding new and inventive ways to accidentally wreck myself slinging carts around the factory 😭
#run myself over with bins run myself over with carts i have smooshed ALL my toes lads#forklift guy tried to kill me twice in one shift by Not Freakin Signaling#out there getting murdered and stopped to solve an osha violation go me#don't block fire extinguishers babes#coworker laughed at me for caring that the extinguisher was blocked#so now i have to set the factory on fire to prove the moral of the tale
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i would like it known that i just started on a stimulant
and all it has done is make me fucking exhausted all day
#SCREAMING! I AM! EXHAUSTED! BOTH PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY!#yea i literally just started it my body is still adjusting etc etc#but i am so goddamn sick of this clown show#and would love if i could just gef. like. One medication that did Anything for me.#BC THE LONGER THIS GOES ON THE CRAZIER I FEEL!!!#how is it humanly possible that i am. eight? nine? meds deep at this point#and only ONE has actually done ANYTHING. the very first one i tried. it has been an entire two years at this point.#i’m fucking exhausted dude i’m not even looking for a win at this point#i would kill for ANY symptom improvement in ANY situation#just to prove to myself that i am not completely insane!!!#this is ridiculous!!!!!!!
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Art block update: I have taken so long and scrapped so many FULL drawings that i can tell my interest in postal is dying down and its causing me genuine agony i literally just wanted to draw postal dude. I just want everyone to know i tried. I drew him so many times and I only ended up with one shitty doodle i could actually show.
#KILLING MYSELF#this SUCKS bro#I dont even know how i would get myself interested again i have played like 80 hrs of postal 2 there is nothing left for me there.#dear god i tried bro#i tried so hard#it just hurts me so bad#I really truly want to prove myself to other people that I can draw but i get so in my head about shit that i cant even finish anything any#even if i finish it (i finished several full pieces with backgrounds and shit) I just hate it.#im really truly worthless as a person i cant function like a normal person and i suck at the only thing im “good” at
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Maybe a part 2 of the arcane characters saying things they regret, but they're apologizing because I can't live after reading a angst 🫠
Making up with Arcane characters after a bad argument. | Vi, Caitlyn, Jinx, Ekko, Sevika x Gn!Reader
(Previous part)
Fine, fine, here is a happy part two guys. Take it as an apology for the tears and pain I've caused.✨️
Content: Swearing, accusations of cheating, slight angst, making up, fluff, potential spoilers for season 2, established romantic relationships, sfw
Reader has no set pronouns!
((Not proofread))
》VI
She knew that she had fucked up. There was no way to deny or refute it either. And your absence was further proof of that.
You were always there for her, even when things got bad and she became even worse. No matter how much she yelled or drank, you were there afterward to nurture her back to health. It was so unfair of her to expect it still, after all she had said to you. She hated herself. She hated how weak and pathetic she had become. How she can't even stand straight anymore from the alcohol and couldn't win a single game since she had lost you.
And instead of Caitlyn haunting her like she used to, it was only you now. But you were crying every time. Asking her why she hated you so much. Why she couldn't care for you the way you cared for her. Why you were always the second choice despite having been there since the start.
Why, why, why.
Gritting her teeth against the headache, she made her way through the dark, familiar lanes to your small home that you once shared together. She had to talk to you. She really, really had to. Even if it's far too late now after a week of silence in-between the two of you. She had taken the time to reflect and think about everything, especially about your relationship. And it made her realise that nothing in this world was losing you too.
Knocking on your door, she nervously waited as she heard your footsteps quickly approaching her from inside. You opened the door carefully, ironically just how she had taught you, before freezing at the sight of her. She gave you a weak smile, attempting to look calm and friendly, but it still scared you off. "Hey cupca-" You tried slamming the door into her face mid greeting, but her foot was faster to jam itself in the way.
"H-Hey! Wait, please hear me out!" "Fuck off, Vi. I'm not in the mood to hear more of your bullshit. Go back to Caitlyn since I know how badly you want that!" You never cursed, and every word you spoke made her flinch. She, for some reason, didn't expect you to be this mad. But it hurt, and she deserved it. Another thing she underestimated was, unfortunately, your strength since you somehow managed to push her away and shut the door again. "Come on! Please! I... I didn't mean what I said. I just... have been losing my shit ever since what happened. The guilt is killing me, and I know it's not an excuse! You're right, I have to stop this shit! You're right, I need to stop treating your love for granted!"
She didn't know if you were even listening to her anymore, but it didn't stop the tears that burned in her eyes. "I don't give a damn about Caitlyn like that! I never did! It always you for me. You... you cared for me when no one else ever wanted to, and I was such an idiot for not appreciating it more." Her hand slammed against the wood in defeat, her head coming to rest against it as her body trembled. She was so scared of losing you. This can't be the end. "Please. Please just give me another chance to prove myself. I know I'm a fuck up but I swear I'll do better now."
Vi nearly fell right through your house entrance when you opened the door wide with a teary huff. "God, you're such an idiot... get in already before the neighbors complain." You didn't let her reply as you simply dragged her inside and locked the door again. The pitfighter watched you do so with a gentle gaze, one that felt so familiar to you. "... Fine, I'll give you another chance... but no drinking or fighting anymore. Please." You whisper to her, and she nods quickly before engulfing you in a warm hug.
She knows that she isn't fully forgiven yet, but she'll do everything in her power to prove herself worthy of your love again.
》CAITLYN
"You're still up." Caitlyn's voice was calm and gentle now, so different from the stern and cold tone it had before. You ignored her, however, knowing better than to fall for this again. She always got like this when she knew she had screwed up and was trying to crawl back into your good graces. But this time around, you didn't allow it that easily. You refused to speak to her if she hadn't come back to apologize. And yet... you couldn't help but allow yourself at least one sharp dig at her. "And you're late to bed once again. But I suppose Officer Nolan's 'report' was just that interesting, no?" You were perhaps the only person in all auf Pultover that could ever accuse her of something so scandalous as adultery and get away with it.
It certainly would have been amusing if Caitlyn didn't feel so sick at the thought of you believing that.
Sighing, she placed her hat onto a clothing hanger, her jacket following suit. You were facing away from her on the bed, trying to read a book and rest, despite the pain in your heart. It was hard being angry at her when you loved her so deeply. But her insults had struck much deeper than that.
The bed dipped behind you, and soon enough, you felt her strong arms surrounding your body and her nose tickling your cheek. "I'm sorry, my love. I really am. I... have lost my cool, and that was wrong of me." You scoffed at her words, finding them too shallow for the pain she had caused earlier. Yet you struggled to get out of her strong grasp on you. It felt desperate. And you hated the warmth and security that it made you feel. "If that is all you have to say, then you can leave." You hissed out weakly but couldn't find any malice in it. Just heartbreak, that solidified in more tears burning in your eyes. "Because how... how could you ever say that I could betray you? Do you know how that makes me feel? Do you care?"
Caitlyn hummed against the nape of your neck soothingly, a way to acknowledge the plight she had caused you without revealing her own tears. The grief had made her into a monster. A monster that hurt its friends, family, and most importantly, you. It was unforgivable, and yet she wanted to prove herself worthy of you anyway. She wanted to show you that she hadn't changed deep down like everyone claimed. She was still yours.
"... I will find a way to end this war and resolve it peacefully as soon as I can. I swear it to you." She began, her voice low and gentle, as she listened to the sound of your hiccups and sniffling. This wasn't what she wanted. "And I apologize, truly, for what I called you... I know that you are loyal and trustworthy. Much more than I ever could be... I'm still your Caitlyn." The last part was whispered quietly, as she tried everyone in her power to not break down in front of you like this.
She hated what she had become deep down. She knew it was wrong and that her mother must've been turning in her grave at the sight of what she had done. But what she couldn't handle at all was you hating and leaving her.
There was a moment of silence before you turned to face her and immideatly hugged her impossibly close as you cried into her arms. She rubbed your back lovingly, understanding that this was your way of accepting her apology. But forgiveness will still be a long journey she was willing to take.
For now, she'd rest in your embrace thankfully.
》JINX
Deep down, you knew that she didn't mean what she said. She never would do anything to hurt you. Silco's death was just killing her more than anyone could have expected, and it was hard for everyone to deal with. But you just couldn't take the pain and hurt she caused you anymore. You've been there since day one. You were always at her side. You always took care of her when no one else wanted to. And you understood her better than she did herself. But it was ultimately just not enough. Or so you thought.
The young girl that was now dragging you through the lanes reminded you of her too. She didn't speak a word to you, and for some reason, you didn't have it in you to protest against her odd actions either. She somehow seemed to recognize you the second you bumped into her. And that was enough for her to take your hand and lead you to a very familiar hideout. Perhaps it was fate that brought you here again when you needed Jinx the most.
"Hey kid, who's our little guest-?" The rest of the young woman's words died on her tongue, and it left you simply staring at each other. There was a familiar haze in her eyes, one that you often saw when the voices were taking over. She once mentioned that you sometimes became a part of her hallucinations during longer absences, and that reminder alone made your heart ache. You shouldn't have run away that day. But what other choice did you have? She didn't trust you anymore. She didn't think you should be together anymore. Why were you even here?
"S-sorry... I'm just going to leave..." You muttered as your ears rung and that familiar burning in your eyes made your sight blurry. You felt suffocated and somehow also angry, wishing she could just see how much you loved and cared for her. But just as you were turning away to run again, her strong hand was quicker and held you back by your arm. "Wait. Let's just... talk, alright? Like we always do?" That was your thing. Whenever things got bad, you'd sit down and talk calmly to her about it. She used to scoff at it every time... yet she was the one who suggested now for once. Something about it shook you so hard that it made the first tears finally spill at the recognition she had given you for all the work you've put into her.
Jinx panicked a little at that, unsure of how to comfort you, yet at Isha's stern frown and cross of her small arms, she just hugged you for the first time in a while. And god, did she miss it.
Perhaps it was good to show the little girl a picture of you after all.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, I swear, sweetie! I... I won't ever say stuff like that again. Just don't leave me. Please don't leave me. I just, I was just-" You hushed her by just hugging her tighter and shaking your head. "It's okay... just hold me for a while. We can talk later... I missed you so much." You whispered, voice breaking into sobs. Jinx hummed weakly and sighed against your hair, the familiar scent making her relax and feel better at last.
Isha grinned to herself behind you before quickly sneaking off to let you talk things out.
》EKKO
To say that the entire firelight hideout was pissed at him would be an understatement. Absolutely everyone disagreed with the way he treated you, and the side eyes he got very much confirmed this. But the worst part of it all was definitely you avoiding him like the plague.
Every time he entered a room, you were the first one to leave in a hurry. Every time he tried speaking to you, you either ignored him or found an excuse to get away. Every time someone even mentioned his name to you, your mood seemed to dampen. And that hurt so much that it killed him. This isn't how he wanted you to feel about him. He was your boyfriend, damnit it. Yet he acknowledged that he was failing at his job way more than he should've allowed himself to. He had to fix this somehow.
Ekko couldn't just lose you over his own foolishness. You were the one person who motivated him to keep going even on his worst days. You were the light he fought for. The person he battled to come home to every day. He couldn't handle your absence any longer, especially at night when he laid wide awake in your empty bed without you.
And so, he finally had enough and cornered you one night up in the tree during a patrol you had together. One, he definitely didn't pull the strings for to happen. And ever the one to abide by his orders despite your current dismay, you were now avoiding his gaze whilst you watched your sleeping home below. It was peaceful and calm, but the pain lingered between you two too much to enjoy the moment. He didn't know how to break the deafening silence, and it made him think of backing out on his initial plan... until you surprised him by speaking up first.
"I'm... sorry for avoiding you. I didn't mean for this to become your last resort. I just... didn't want to be a burden anymore." "Wait, wait, wait... who said that you were a burden, I... I should be the one apologizing right now. Because I was wrong about every fucking thing I said to you." The words spilled out in panic at the mere thought of you blaming yourself. He never wanted you to feel like this. It made him feel even worse about himself. This wasn't right. "You're not useless. You do so much for us, for me, and I take it all for granted like the asshole I am! And I fully acknowledge that now... I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. There is no excuse for it." He shook his head in disappointment at himself, wondering if this was it now. He'd understand if you broke up with him now... but instead, you seemed to be in the mood to surprise him alot today.
"Did you... like the food I made you?" He blinked at your question in confusion, yet answered honestly. "Best thing I had all week." "Then I guess I'll forgive you... just don't do that again." Ekko chuckled weakly at your words, relief filling his senses whilst he pulled you close to press a kiss to your head. "Would never dream of it... wanna ditch patrol and fly around town?" You mirrored his sly smile, glad he had the same thing on his mind as you did. "Sure thing. But let's make it a race."
He let you win.
》SEVIKA
She took some time to cool off after your argument and returned later into the night with a clearer mind. Sevika had actually reflected on what you had said to her, and she knew you were ultimately right. She was extremely overprotective and stubborn, two things that didn't mesh well and often ended in her thinking you couldn't take care of yourself. Even if she knew better than to actually believe that.
You were strong, especially mentally. It's what drew her into you to begin with. But with the fall of Silco and a war being on the verge of breaking out against Piltover, she had no choice but to make sure that you never left her sight. And if you did, then you had to be somewhere she knew was safe and away from all the chaos she dealt with daily. It helped her focus and stay calm to know that you're okay. Yet despite how much she cared, she still fucked it all up for herself again.
And now she had to fix it, something she was never good at.
She felt awfully guilty at the sight of the things you've lovingly prepared for her, now laying forgotten and cold on the kitchen counter. She truly didn't deserve someone as kind as you. And yet she considered herself too selfish to let you go.
Slowly approaching the bedroom door, she paused to hear if you were awake or not. Unfortunately, you were, but she only knew this from the faintest sound of your sniffling and sobbing that drifted through the wooden door. Sighing to herself, she knocked once, deciding to just rake things slow and as calmly as possible. You had sustained an injury after all, and her mind was reeling at the thought of it getting worse without any proper care. "What do you want?!" Your weak voice yelled at her, and it made her frown. Yeah, you were definitely beyond pissed.
"I want to talk." Her gruff voice said, and it may have sounded like a demand if the underlying care and worry didn't overshadow it so clearly. Your silence made her initially think you were ignoring her until the door slowly opened and revealed your disheveled form. "... well, go ahead." You muttered, one hand cradling the side of your hip that was clumsily bandaged up by you. You were never good at stuff like that.
"Let me take care of the wound whilst we're at it. Can't have ya dying on me because of an infection." She sighed out before simply dragging you to your shared bed and pulling out your medkit. You didn't protest or complain and let her do as she pleased, whilst you carefully listened to her speak with an unreadable expression.
"Listen. I... get it. I really do. The way I treat you isn't right, and I know you're grown enough to take care of yourself, but... I can't risk losing you too now. It drives me crazy to think about. Even if that ain't much of an excuse, and I get that too." She was never this honest before. Usually, she simply deflected or blamed someone else. But here she was, for once admitting openly to being the problem. "Just... be more careful out there. That's all I ask of you. I won't comment on it otherwise anymore though, unless you're in serious danger. I promise." Finishing the last of her bandaging, she hummed at it now looking much securer. This way, you are sure to recover much faster.
Taking a deep breath, you nodded your head at her words, deciding to give her another chance to prove herself. You understood where she was coming from after all. "Okay, fine. I'll accept your apology... if you help me cook." She grinned at that slightly with a casual shrug. "Fine by me, if I get a taste of your heavenly cooking, sweetheart."
#arcane#arcane x genderneutral reader#arcane x y/n#arcane x you#arcane x reader#arcane vi#arcane vi x reader#vi#vi x reader#arcane caitlyn#arcane caitlyn x reader#caitlyn x reader#caitlyn#caitlyn kiramman#arcane jinx#arcane jinx x reader#jinx x reader#jinx#arcane ekko#arcane ekko x reader#ekko#ekko x reader#arcane sevika#arcane sevika x reader#sevika#sevika x reader#pitfighter vi
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#im really just ranting so pleasr ignore this post it really isnt that serious i just need to vomit it all out before i crash#i wish i knew who i was i wish i knew who i was going to be who i would havr been before everythong went to shit#before my parents beat my soul into submission before i retreated into myself so hard im killing myself just trying to come out again#i dont know who i am or what i want or even how to begin ttying any of that#my therapist started saying all the same things my dad would say abiut me and about my qork and about my life#id been with her for over 5 years so maybe she is right maybe my dad was right maybe my parents were right maybe i do deserve nothing#i hate my body but my partner says its beautiful i can barely face the day but my partner is happy when i do#they say my parents were wrong in so many ways but why is it taking me so long to prove it#ive been bad my whole life o was a bad kid a bad friend a bad adult but i wanna be goood so bad ii might puke#i know i can be good but why cant i prove it why is it stopping me why cant i push my my brain why cant i hit the override and just LIVE#its hard being 25 when i didnt think id make it to 15#its hard living when all you want to do is give up i want to give up i wish i could and maybe a few years ago i would have#but now for the first time in my life i want to live i want to do good but my brain body and soul have no idea how#i think im autistic and the worst part is realizing how much of me that is how much i should havr been cared for#i have to learn how to live in the world but the world is so scary and it hurts and my therapist talkrd a lot about getting used to it#she wanted me to dive in and didnt understand no matter how many qays i tried to explain to her how much it painrd me to try it her way#i wish i could just do it that i could grin and bear it but i cant anymore i cant just do it#i wish i could just become who i was supposed to be someone without the pain and the torture and the constant berating#someone who can have a job and cook dinner and still feel whole after it all#i jist want to live i want to be good i want to get better and i feel like peeling my skin off my body i feel like ripping out my teeth#it makes me feel awful every time i cant do sometbing because i was getting better i couod feel it and now im in hell this is worse#i feel like im experiencing depression for the first time all over again ivw never been so violently thrown bacj into the pit#please i want out i want to hear creaks without thinking someone is 8n my home i want to clean like someone isnt watching me#i want to move around my home like i dont expect to be graded i want to be able to sleep at night and not have tomorrow ruined by flashback#im so so tired and for the first time in my life o dont wanna give up i wanna be better but i dont know how#every time i try to get help something goes wrong and i run out of insurance soon so im probably just fucked#my antidepressants arent doing shit and my birth control makes everything harder and i jist wish i could take medication and live#im tired im tired but ive been crying in the bathroom for over an hour because sometbing so stupid triggered me#and now im a child again and i have work tomorrow and i cant scream and cry into my partner cause they have work#they work so hard for us and i can barely do a day im so fucking pathetic and yet they stay with me
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Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3, Pt 4
TLDR: gonna try to remove it with force. open to alternative measures if anyone has any bright ideas
the long version under the cut
thank you all for the advice, sympathies, and concerns. i appreciate it greatly.
but i legitimately think im gonna have to kill this thing. or at least try.
i have no way of proving this and it could very well just be the stress of the situation, but i think it's somehow making me sick. ive been having the worst night terrors of my life, waking up bruised and extremely ill, and (like i mentioned in the tags of my original post) my eye has been bleeding. ill post a picture if anyone's interested but idk if it's too gruesome for tumblr.
some of yall have been saying to feed it + house it, which feels slightly absurd to me given how overtly threatening it has been, and a handful have mentioned contacting either an exorcist or "The Pines", both of which i do not have the means to do. i have never had the desire to hurt another living thing in my entire life before. i cry when i squash bugs in my attempts to take them outside. but then again, i haven't been feeling like myself. and i am overwhelmingly terrified.
i don't have my gun license but i do have a toolshed and knife block. i am not very strong but i dont feel like i have any other option. if anyone has any better ideas id love to hear them now because i do feel my life is in serious danger. it tries to grab me when i peek in the bathroom.
(again, inspired by @squidflavoredsoup !! their houseguest seems a little less volatile than mine ^^)
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Love in Full Bloom
Summary : Bucky thinks everything he touches dies, but the plants in your apartment prove otherwise.
Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader (she/her)
Warnings/tags : PTSD, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff!!
Requested by : myself
Word count : 1.5k
Note : This was another idea I had to turn into a fic, inspired by all the houseplants I’ve accidentally killed rip. Enjoy!
Requests are open!
It wasn’t unusual for Bucky to lose himself in his thoughts. From time to time, you would find him sitting on the corner of the bed in the middle of the night. The memories from his past grew like weeds in his mind. He could barely distinguish them from nightmares.
Even when he was with you, safe and in the comfort of your shared apartment, he still carried those ghosts on his shoulders. Still thought himself as a soul occupying the vessel of a weapon, like a rose with the sharpest thorns.
But to you, Bucky Barnes was far from just a weapon. He was not a monster. He was gentle, thoughtful, and kind. It hurt that he couldn’t see it for himself.
That’s why, when he agreed to move in with you, you saw it as a step in the right direction.
Your apartment has always been a safe haven for the both of you. It felt warm and cosy, the shelves full of books and plants. At least, the plants you tried to keep alive. They were struggling under your care—yellowing leaves, wilted stems, dying flowers. You were throwing root-rotted plants away monthly. Still, you bought more, hoping you’d have better luck this time.
Then Bucky moved in.
As the days passed, the plants stopped dying. Slowly, they began to thrive. The wilting leaves came to life, the stems grew strong. To you, it didn’t make sense. You hadn’t done anything differently but the plants seemed to respond to something.
Or rather, someone.
—
Today, Bucky had barely said a word, save for the quiet I love yous here and there.
You had learned, over time, how to read his silences. But this was different—he was slipping farther than usual.
You had convinced Bucky to spar with you today, trying to keep his mind busy, preventing it from spiralling any further.
You weren’t a super-soldier by any means, but you liked the idea of keeping up with your self-defence training.
He had always been cautious, holding back. He pulled his punches, making sure you were safe, no matter how intense the session became.
Bucky shifted his stance as you circled him, your eyes focused, searching for an opening. His metal arm hung stiffly by his side, as if there were vines holding it down towards the ground.
He glanced down at his metal arm.
“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice strained.
You gave him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine, Buck.”
He didn’t answer, but his eyes flickered with doubt as he stepped forward. You could feel the hesitation in every move he made, the way his punches lacked the usual fluidity you’ve seen him have in the battlefield.
“Bucky, come on,” you teased lightly, though you could sense his unease. “I can’t learn if you pull back.”
His jaw tightened.
Bucky’s strength, normally so controlled, felt heavy, like a twisted root of the past curling around him. Every step he took felt like treading on fragile soil, where one wrong move could uproot everything he had built with you.
You made another attempt, stepping in closer, and for a split second, you saw fear flash in his gaze.
You miscalculated a move, your foot slipping as Bucky’s metal arm swung out in a reflex. His fist connected with your side, harder than either of you intended. The force knocked the breath from your lungs as you hit the mat, pain shooting through your ribs. You gasped, instinctively clutching your side.
Bucky froze, his eyes widening like lily pads. He didn’t move. He didn’t speak.
“I’m okay,” you wheezed as you struggled to sit up.
His mouth opened, but no words came out. His gaze started darting from your face to his left hand.
“I... I didn’t mean to,” he whispered with a voice so soft you could barely hear it.
In that moment, his mind went through the faces of those he’d harmed and those he couldn’t save. He could not pull away from the horror that had been growing rapidly in his bones.
“It was an accident,” you said gently, “I’m fine.”
But he didn’t seem to hear you. He took a step back. Then another.
“No… no… I can’t…” His voice wilted.
“Bucky,” you pleaded, standing up slowly, but he took another step back, his eyes wide with panic.
“I—everything I touch…” His words trailed off into a broken whisper, “...dies.”
—
That night, Bucky didn’t sleep in the bed. He wouldn’t even come near it.
No matter how much you reassured him, no matter how many times you told him it was just an accident, Bucky just would not forgive himself.
You woke up early the next morning, the sunlight streaming in as you stepped into the living room. You found Bucky still asleep on the couch.
You sighed softly. You didn't want to wake him— not just yet.
You knew he didn’t mean it, but the now dull ache in your side reminded you of the man he was forced to be. While you trusted him more than anyone, there was a flicker of fear, not of him, but for him—of how deep underground his self-hatred could reach, like a root searching for water to feed on.
You moved to the windowsill, where your plants stood in their usual spot. Your eyes studied the vibrant green. That’s when it clicked.
You scanned your memories, then realized the simple things he had been doing purely out of instinct: pushing a plant toward the light when he noticed it looked too far from the window, adding water when he saw the soil was too dry. When he’d notice the leaves drooping, he’d check them, mimicking what he’d seen other people do without thinking twice about it.
Bucky had said everything he touches dies, but what if he had been wrong?
—
When Bucky stirred awake, you were sitting cross-legged on the floor by the coffee table, watching him closely. He blinked groggily, and the moment he saw you, he rubbed a hand over his face.
“I’m sorry,” he started, his voice low and cracked. It was the first thing he said, and it broke your heart.
“I know,” you said softly, kneeling in front of the couch. You reached for his hand, but he flinched away. You sighed.
“But baby, look,” you whispered, pointing to the windowsill where your plants thrived, their leaves stretching toward the sunlight. “Not everything you touch dies.”
He glanced at them, confused, “What?”
“You’ve been taking care of them.”
He stared at you, trying to figure out what you meant. You gestured toward the plants again.
“Ever since you moved in, you’ve been watering them, moving them into the sunlight, making sure they’re healthy.” You pointed to the vibrant leaves. “I don’t think you realise it.”
Bucky’s eyes widened in disbelief, his gaze drifting between you and the plants.
He slowly stood up, walking over to the windowsill. His hand hovered over the leaves as if he was afraid to touch them, afraid they might wilt under his fingers. But they didn’t.
He stared at the plants. “This can’t...' His voice was soft. “I hurt people, I ruin things, I don’t—”
You stood up and walked to him. You touched his cheek, guiding his eyes back to the strong, healthy plants. “They’re alive because of you.”
He hesitated, his fingers hovering over the leaves, ready to pull away. With the smallest gesture, his hand settled on the flower of a blooming peace lily. And nothing broke. Nothing wilted.
You watched him, a warm smile on your face, seeing the realisation dawn on him.
He shook his head, “I didn’t know.”
You shrugged. “You’re good at taking care of things…of people. Of me.” Of course, you were telling him what you already knew.
He turned to you, his blue eyes swimming with guilt, his brows knitting together in that familiar way when he was struggling to believe the good in himself. “But I—”
Before he could finish, you silenced him with a soft kiss. His breath caught in his throat, surprised, but he kissed you back, tentative at first. Then his arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer, as if he needed the warmth of your touch to chase away the nightmares.
His kiss deepened, slow and lingering, like he was savouring every second of it, trying to believe that you were real and that he didn’t break you.
When you finally pulled away, you cupped his face with both hands. “James,” you pressed your forehead against his, “you didn’t hurt me on purpose. You never have, and you never will.”
He closed his eyes, leaning into your touch, and you felt him relax just a little. “I’m still sorry,” he murmured.
“I know,” you whispered.
His eyes opened, and he looked at you like you were the only thing grounding him to the world. “I love you,”
“I love you too,” you whispered back, before pressing another kiss to his lips, and this time it was softer. His metal arm curled around your waist again, while his flesh hand gently cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing against your skin like he couldn’t get enough of the feeling— the feeling that maybe, just maybe, he could finally outgrow his past.
-end
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x f!reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes#bucky barnes imagine#bucky x you#marvel fanfiction#bucky barnes angst#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky fic#catws#thunderbolts#bucky barnes fanfic#james bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#sebastian stan x reader#sebastian stan#sebastian stan imagine#bucky Barnes x reader fluff#bucky barnes x reader angst#marvel#marvel cinematic universe#winter soldier#angst#angst with a happy ending#light angst#one shot#bucky barnes one shot
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Most sports books are like “I need to win championships so I can prove myself!!!” and then there’s The Foxhole Court where the main character is like “yeah so if I don’t win championships I will literally be executed because when I was 10 my serial killer father tried to sell me to a cult so my assassin mother stole $5 million from the yakuza and ran away with me, but it turned out that my dad was friends with the leader of the mafia, so now we also had a bunch of hit men after us, and almost a decade later my dad caught up with us and killed my mom and I faked my death, so I decided to join a college sports team to start my new life, but then I found out one of my teammates is a runaway from the cult my dad tried to sell me to, and not only that but the cult’s leader is the brother of the head of the Japanese mafia, so now both of them are after me too, and also the FBI keeps trying to convince me to testify against my father, but if I do I’ll have to go into witness protection because my dad’s friends will try to kill me and I can’t be a professional athlete while under witness protection, but luckily my uncle (who is the leader of the British mob) brokered a deal that will assure my safety if I win championships as long as I hand over 80% of my salary to the mafia for the rest of my life.” And that’s only the main character, I haven’t even mentioned how insane some of the side characters’ backstories are!
Basically this is the most unhinged book I have ever read and I love it so much
#all for the game#aftg#andreil#andrew minyard#neil josten#kevin day#aaron minyard#andrew and neil#nicky hemmick#the foxhole court#the raven king#the kings men
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I HAVE A IDEA (MR CRABS I HAVE AN IDEA)
yk the new song ari came out with (we can't be friends) Chris fic were the reader and him are best friends that always flirt and they made out drunk at a party and have not been talking for a week untill Chris shows up at her house and they makeout and maybe some smut? Idrk
Anyways that's all 💋
we can’t be friends
chris sturniolo x reader
warnings: angst, mentions of drinking/being drunk, smut, fingering, oral (fem receiving), squirting, cursing
a/n: i’ve been absolutely OBSESSED with this song and itching to write about ittt
i hope you enjoy
i let out a heavy sigh at his last text, before throwing my phone onto my bed.
of course i wanted to fight for us, but this was about more than just our friendship . this was about what was best for us individually.
for as long as i could remember, i always put chris’ feelings before my own. i spent so long chasing after him, just to end up heartbroken.
i watched him constantly pick other people over me, blissfully unaware of how deeply he was wounding me.
but no matter how much i wanted to, i couldn’t blame him. it was easier to point fingers at him than to accept the fact that this was partially my own fault.
i let him continue to hurt me, over and over again, never telling him what he was doing to me. and if i didn’t tell him, how would he know any better ?
so, even though it killed me to act so cold and distant toward him, it was time to look out for myself for once.
i needed to take the time to love and take care of myself before expecting someone else to do so.
sure, he’d be upset for a short while, but once he got over me he would easily move on to the next girl. that’s all i was to him, after all. just another girl.
i was pulled from my thoughts when i heard my front door open and close suddenly, followed by quick footsteps toward my room.
i waited behind my bedroom door, quick to swing my arm out in front of me when the person made it to the doorway.
i was met with chris, who immediately caught my wrist in his hand.
we stared at each other with wide eyes, neither one of us speaking. i blinked up at him, watching his eyes trail down to my lips.
“don’t do that” the words flew out of my mouth before i could stop them.
his eyes immediately shot back up to mine, a curious expression taking over his features.
“don’t do what?” he asked, loosening his grip on my wrist to let it slide down, intertwining our fingers.
“chris, we aren’t doing this. i meant what i said earlier, we’re better off not being friends”
“you keep saying that, but you won’t tell me why. you gotta talk to me baby” he spoke.
“i don’t want to” i spoke back, shaking my head as i backed up slightly to create more distance between us.
“how am i supposed to know what i did wrong if you don’t talk to me?”
he was right, of course he was. it was unfair of me to just cut him off with no reasoning. but the second we start talking about it is the second it becomes real. i didn’t want to come to terms with the fact that i was trying to end one of the most important friendships i’d ever had in my life.
“you didn’t do anything, chris” i answered. he wasn’t having it. “no, tell me. i’m not letting you just end our friendship like this, not without a reason”
“i just can’t be friends with you”
“why? what is so wrong with me that you don’t want me in your life? and completely out of nowhere” he spoke, his voice rising slightly.
“see, that’s the problem. i don’t want you out of my life, i want you in it forever. but you clearly don’t want that, and it’s ok.”
“who the hell said i didn’t want that?” chris asked, his brows furrowing.
“chris, it’s fine. you don’t have to try to make me feel better-”
“so you don’t believe me?” he cut me off.
“i mean, i don’t know, i just…” my babbling trailed off as i tried to find the right words.
“let me prove it to you” he whispered as he toyed with the strap of my tank top.
my breathing grew shallow as he moved the fabric down my arm slightly, pressing his lips to my shoulder.
“chris….we shouldn’t” i whispered, but tilted my head to the side, allowing him more access as his lips moved up my neck.
“really? you weren’t complaining a week ago” he spoke against my skin.
i slapped his chest lightly at that. “yeah, well we were also drunk”
he bit down on my neck, harshly enough to leave a bruise and elicit a moan from me. “so, you don’t want this?” he asked.
i let out a deep sigh, “of course i do, chris. but do you?”
he looked as though he was going to say something, but i stopped him “don’t tell me yes just because you want sex. i don’t want you to just want somebody, i want you to want me. if you’re just gonna fuck me and move onto the next girl, then forget it” i spoke.
the more i thought about it, the more i convinced myself that he didn’t really want me.
“hey” he spoke softly, cupping my jaw. “this isn’t about the sex, this isn’t even about me wanting you. this is about me needing you. this is about me not being able to live without you. yes, i’ve been with other girls. but there’s a reason that you’re the only one that’s always been there”
“i was so sure you didn’t feel the same, so i tried to move on. but i couldn’t, because none of those girls are you. and i’m so sorry that i hurt you, i’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if i have to”
chris looked at me as though he could cry. his blue eyes shot back and forth between my own, his thumb caressing my jaw gently.
“so make it up to me” i whispered, pulling his lips to my own.
one of his arms smoothly slid behind my back, supporting my weight as i found it hard to keep my balance.
he kissed me like he had waited his whole life for this moment. his lips felt so soft against mine, unlike our last kiss.
this kiss made our drunken one feel sloppy and desperate, like two people who were just horny, but this was more than that. it was eye-opening, sweet, gentle, it was everything i didn’t know i needed.
but chris did, he always knew what to say or do to make me happy. i couldn’t stay mad at him even if i wanted to.
“let me make you feel good?” he asked when we pulled away. “yeah” i let out breathlessly, nodding my head.
“lay down for me” he said, leaving another kiss to my neck. i did as he said, getting onto my bed and laying on my back.
he wasted no time in crawling over me, his hands placed on either side of my waist. “can i?” he asked, lightly tugging at the hem of my top.
i nodded at him, lifting my upper body up as he pulled off my top. without a word, he attached his lips to my nipple while caressing the other with his hand.
i let out a loud moan at the feeling, beginning to squirm underneath him.
“shit, chris” i sighed out, his eyes immediately looking up at mine.
he swirled his tongue around the hardened bud, watching as my body melted into his touch.
he sucked on my tit until the skin turned dark, moving to the other to give it the same treatment.
“god, chris. feels so good” i moaned out while he continued to work my sensitive nipple with his tongue.
“you look so pretty like this” he rasped as he soothed my boobs with his hands, “can’t believe i have you all to myself” he mumbled to himself.
he moved his face downwards, leaving gentle kisses to my rib cage and abdomen. he paid special attention to every birthmark and scar he found, pressing a kiss to each one.
his fingers rubbed small circles into my skin as he ventured further and further down my body.
he stopped at the waistband of my shorts, leaving a kiss to my crotch area. due to the thin material or the shorts and my lack of underwear, my hips shot up involuntarily at the feeling.
“no underwear? such a dirty fucking girl” he spoke, smacking his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
he licked a long stripe up my pussy through the shorts, eliciting a long whine from me. “chris, stop teasing me” i spoke as i squirmed under him.
“you just make it so easy, baby” he spoke, before continuing to leave kisses down my thighs and calves.
“lift up” he spoke as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of my shorts. i raised my hips, allowing chris to pull them off.
i let out a sigh at the feeling of my heat being exposed to the cold air of the room.
chris stared down at my glistening pussy, mouth hung open slightly as he pulled my folds apart, spreading me open.
“my god, you’re so gorgeous” he spoke, blowing cool air onto my heat.
“hold your legs apart for me, beautiful” he spoke, his lips inches away from my core.
“so wet” he mumbled before running his tongue along my thighs, just missing where i needed him.
“chris, please. i need your mouth so fucking bad” i whined. “where, baby?” he asked, teasing me some more.
finally having enough, i wrapped my legs around his head, pulling his face into my heat.
he let out a long moan into me, his eyes rolling back as he licked up every drop of my slick.
my head fell back at the feeling, legs loosening around him to let him pull back if needed, however he stayed right where he was.
the words that fell out of my mouth sounded like gibberish, but i didn’t care about that. all i could focus on was chris.
the way he groaned into me, his needy tongue lapping me up like i was his last meal. his piercing eyes never left mine, only making the tight feeling in my stomach grow.
my arousal covered his flushed cheeks, making me even wetter.
there was something that i found so incredibly hot about how messily he was eating me out. it was like all he cared about was me finishing.
he moved his face from my legs, making me let out a whine at the loss of contact.
he stuck his tongue out, his spit dripping down onto my pussy.
“what do you think about when you touch yourself? ” he asked suddenly while he brought his finger down to my core to rub me.
“i- oh” i cried out in surprise at the feeling of his finger entering me.
“holy fuck, you’re so tight” he whispered as he pushed his pointer finger in and out of my tight walls.
“oh my god” i whimpered when he pushed another finger in.
“if you don’t answer me, i’m stopping” he spoke.
“this! i think about this!” i rushed out, eyes screwing shut at the feeling of his rough fingers inside of me.
“i think about how perfect your hands are. fuck- how long your fingers are” i struggled out between moans, “i think about you” i finished.
“yeah? what about my cock?” he asked as his fingers sped up.
“you think about what it would feel like for me to fuck you into oblivion? ” he asked as he curled his fingers, hitting my g-spot.
“fuck, yes! i’m so close chris” i cried out as he continued to plunge his fingers in and out of me.
“c’mon, you got it. doing so well for me, want you to make a mess all over me” he rasped out, fingers moving rapidly inside of me.
“chris, wait! i’m gonna-” i tried to warn him, but i was too far gone as my juices shot out of me.
the liquid dripped down his face, onto the saturated sheets underneath us.
“yes, yes, fuck yes” chris groaned as his mouth hung open. i leaned up slightly, watching the way his hips stuttered and his body shook.
“fuck” he let out breathlessly, as he began to shudder.
“did you just come untouched?” i asked, eyes widening slightly.
“if that doesn’t prove how much i want you, nothing will”
wait why’d i kinda eat ??? 🤭
masterlist
tag list: @lustfulslxt @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @cupidsword @imwetforyourmom @nickmillersn1gf @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @bethsturn @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @ssturniolo @blueeyedbesson @mxqdii @sturniolowhore @readerakayourname @defnotayonna @urmom2bitch @rootbeerworshiper @starsturniolo @hearts4chriss @theyluv-meee @carolinalikesthings @itzdarling @chrisstopherfilmed @judespoision @sstvrnioloo @littlebookworm803 @nicksdrpepper @chrisloyalgf @robins-scoop @fandomhopped @chr1sgirl4life @bbglmfao @55sturn @nicksmainbitch @meg-sturniolo @yamamasjumpercables @vanteguccir @ineedchriscock @junnniiieee07 @breeloveschris @luverboychris
#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fanfic#christopher sturniolo imagine#chris sturniolo fanfic#christopher sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo imagine#chris sturniolo x you#chris x reader#chris sturniolo angst#chris sturniolo fic#christopher sturniolo fic#sturniolos#sturniolo smut#sturniolo fic
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Warning: Dark, Suicidal Tim, etc. Also small spoilers for the Injustice movie
Had a random thought, slightly inspired by the Injustice movie: what if Tim, in a mental health slump, decided to teach the bats a final lesson? Every time he defends himself against Damian’s attacks, he’s criticized for it. So one day, he just doesn’t.
Damian gets angry and decides to take it out on the person he won’t be criticized for attacking. After Tim doesn’t respond to his taunts, he gets physical, and throws a knife or slashes his sword, expecting Tim to get out of the out of the way or block the blow, and Tim doesn’t. The sound of a blade parting flesh and a body falling to the ground gets the other bats attention, and they turn to see Damian standing there with blood on his blade and Tim’s body on the ground.
(Inspired by the scene in the Injustice movie where Damian kills Dick by throwing a baton (escrima stick? IDK) at him, expecting him to catch it (which, earlier in the movie, he did), and Dick, being distracted, doesn’t, and it hits him directly on the temple. Accident, sure, but caused by recklessness)
Basically Damian needs to learn that attacking other people because you are angry is NOT OKAY. Seriously, if you’re pissed, go beat up a training dummy or scream into a pillow.
Does Damian learn the lesson? Or not? What about B and Dick and the others? How do they react?
[Thank you for the TWs! WARNING: This is bad batfam. I love them, but we're chucking them under the angst crack bus for this]
Tw: Dark/Suicidal Tim, domestic abuse, psychological warfare, manipulation, mentions of suicide attempt
Tim is tired of constantly fighting back and defending himself. He's tired of Damian and Jason attacking him. He's tired of Dick and Bruce pushing his boundaries.
If Tim just allows Damian to stab him, *he'll* be the one to get lectured for not dodging. It will become Tim's fault, as a trained vigilante, for not preventing himself from being injured.
What does he decide to do?
Resist with extreme psychological warfare no matter the damage to himself.
He starts small.
He curates cases/stories of sibling abuse and starts to leave them in places Dick will find (hacking/messing with Dick's fyp, newspapers around the Manor, files on the batcomputer, a case Babs is informed about, etc). They aren't reflective of Tim's experiences, not yet, but they show common patterns: adult figures not stepping in, siblings being pushed to compete, escalation, negative behaviors transferring to people/things outside of the siblings, etc.
For Bruce, Tim tricks the man into reading an intimate relationships psychology textbook by stating it was necessary for a case. He then keeps tricking the man into reading gentle parenting, boundaries, and other such information.
Jason is much easier. Tim just leaves books of various siblings relationships within the man's safehouses (healthy ones, distant, cruel, enemies, abusive, recent siblings [like adoption], etc). Jason doesn't know Tim is the one leaving those books, but he is intrigued by the "recommendations." A lot of them have other lessons Tim has prepared mixed in as well [which, if Jason finds out Tim is the one who recommended the books after he starts getting along with him, then they can have book clubs ^^].
Tim sends a ton of empathy animal related movies/shows Dick's way so that the older one ropes Damian into watching them.
This takes months, but at no point does Tim relate the lessons to Tim himself yet.
He then starts pouring in warnings. When Damian tries to hurt him again, Tim asks Dick, "What if I was too tired to dodge it?" This is the only time he asks. Dick waves it off cause Damian "knows better" now. I
Tim almost gave up the game right there and then to prove a point. He held back, though.
For Jason, Tim throws in shock-value trauma dump phrases when they meet up to prevent the older one from attacking.
Jason: *pulls out a gun*
Tim: "Damn. You'd think after threatening to kill myself to prevent my future from occurring that I'd be okay with guns. For some reason, they still make me nauseous."
Jason: *holsters gun* "What the fuck?"
Tim: *nods and then disappears*
It kind of trains Jason from attacking Tim unless he wants to hear really fucked up shit that will have his mind spiraling for days.
For Bruce, Tim just points out how and when the man crosses other people's boundaries (but doesn't point out Tim's). He doesn't put any expectation or remedy out. He just indicates it to start Bruce's thought process of "Did I just cross someone's boundary?"
Then Tim feels that it's ready. He won't get blamed for not dodging Damian's attack.
So, he lets himself be seriously stabbed.
This cues Damian into having a mental breakdown. Dick and Bruce oscillate between blaming everyone else and then themselves. Jason, after seeing the shitshow of these reactions, assigns himself (without telling the others) to suicide watch Tim [those trauma dump phrases are working against Tim here].
Once Tim awakens and realizes the mess he's created, he fucking regrets it all. He doesn't want to have to clean it all up and manipulate them into being better. He's also kind of pissed at Damian for not aiming for his heart or something. Damn.
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kinktober !
kink: tentacles
pairing: kim seungmin x fem!reader
wc: 2.3k
tentacle kink: a sexual interest in tentacles and the imagined creatures that have them.
It had to work. You would die if it didn’t work.
Then again, you’d probably die if it did work. You’re trying to summon Slenderman, after all. No one would understand why except for you. You’ve always had an affinity for all things macabre and dangerous, and maybe you’re a little messed up. After deep diving on Reddit, you were more than dubious that the creature actually existed. You had to find out. You had to see for yourself.
Clearly not that bad, because you hadn’t gone into the woods like they’d told you to online. The October weather was ultimately too cold to be trekking through branches and fallen leaves, even to try and summon your favourite Creepypasta entity - you did the second option instead, drawing a quick symbol on your wall with marker and all of the lights turned out.
The poem felt a little silly coming from your lips, despite Reddit users insisting it’s mandatory for the summoning. It felt even sillier when you stared at the symbol, barely visible through the moonlight flooding in beyond the curtains, but you had to persevere. If he was real, he’d come to your room and meet you. If he was real.
You ended the poem, finally opening your eyes and sighing. You blinked at the wall, quickly looking around the room. What a load of bullshit. Slenderman isn’t real, then. You’d proved it for yourself, and-
“This is fucking ridiculous,” There was a thud behind you, and you spun around on your bed, hazily trying to see who had joined you in your room. You reached over with a squeak, flicking your lamp on. There, in what almost looked like the Slenderman from your dreams - a man, dressed in a suit and dark, ebony hair pushed back from his forehead. He kicked an imaginary stone with his shoe, shoving his broad hands into his pockets and finally looking up at you. He blinked at you a few times, and then raised an eyebrow. “Why are you scared? Did you not ask for this?”
You huffed. “Well, you’re not Slenderman.”
The man groaned, head rolling back. He cracked his neck effortlessly on both sides, and then stared back into your eyes. His gaze was piercing, dark and feeling all too consuming. “I am- I’m like his brother, but not in the way you humans adhere to. He sends me for cases like yours. Minor, petty things.”
“Cases like mine?” You scoffed, resisting the urge to punch the man in his annoyingly attractive face. He wandered over to your desk, wholly unaffected, and started to flick through your diary. “Hey-!”
“Cases like yours,” He repeated, a small smile flickering on his lips at one of the pages. “Sexually charged cases. You are a little fucked up, aren’t you?”
You bristled. You knew exactly what page he was looking at. Your diary was for mundane things, your day-to-day life, but it was also where you detailed your more… late night fantasies. Recently, some rather obscure things had been taking up the majority of your brain, and maybe that’s what had pushed you to summon Slenderman. You’d never admit that, though.
In all honesty, this guy was kind of hot. You weren’t sure if it was the mysterious atmosphere about him, if he was clearly otherworldly judging from his alabaster skin, or if it was his long legs in those suit trousers. If you were of a different state of mind, you’d have believed he was the entity you were trying to reach. There was just one thing.
“Aren’t you a bit short to be related to Slenderman?”
The man stopped. He sighed, and then shut the diary, before turning to you with one long, accusing finger. “First off, I’m not that short. Secondly, I told you, it’s not the same as what you humans think siblings are. Also, I don’t have to prove myself to you.”
You grinned. “You just tried though, right?”
He rolled his eyes, stalking over to the bed. “I think I’ll kill you sooner than I planned. You’re rude.”
“You’re rude too,” You huffed, trying to kick him in the leg from your position on your bed. Instead of catching it with his hands, a pitch-black tentacle sprouted from his back and wrapped around your ankle, effectively pinning it down and rendering you motionless. You gasped, and he raised an eyebrow. “What the-”
“We do have some similarities,” The man began, drawing the tentacle tighter. “We’re of the same species, for one. I suppose I’m not as prestigious as him, but you seem happy enough to have me here, right?”
You blinked. “I would actually prefer if you left, in all honesty.”
“Can’t,” He shrugged, withdrawing the tentacle. Your ankle flopped back to the bed and you grabbed it instinctively, slightly disappointed to feel no traces of the slimy limb. “I need to kill you. It’s in the rulebook, you know? Once you’ve seen one of us, you have to die, or my mission will fail.”
What were you meant to do in this situation? You didn’t really want to die. You hadn’t thought the whole thing through at all. You’d expected to just see traces of the entity, perhaps catch him from the corner of your eye - you were instead left with a sexy long-limbed man standing in front of your bed, basked in the soft orange glow of your bedside lamp.
“Why kill me when you could fuck me instead?” You’d said the first thing that came to mind. The man’s jaw dropped, before it quickly reverted back to normal, his head tilting to the side in confusion.
“You are pretty weird, aren’t you? Unusual. A little fucked up, like I said.”
“That wasn’t a no,” You hummed. The man’s eyes burnt a trail down your legs, exposed in your sleep shorts, and then his eyes were fixated on a patch of skin revealed on your shoulder from where your shirt had slipped to the side. You scoffed, yanking the shirt back into place. “Oh my God, you want to, don’t you?! That’s why you haven’t left!”
He shrugged. “I’ve never fucked a human. It could be fun.”
You blanched. Okay, you hadn’t expected to get this far. After you had, though… Well, he had tentacles. That was something from your deepest, darkest desires, something that you would try to push to the back of your brain and scrunch your eyes shut tightly with your hand shoved down your pyjama trousers. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. You were already getting wet, clit throbbing with need.
He started to move towards you. First, it was one knee on the bed, and then the other joined, starting a slow crawl that resulted in his face getting closer. You hadn’t realised you were moving closer, too, and you gulped. “What’s- what’s your name?”
The man chuckled, face only inches from yours now. His face looked young, you noticed, yet his eyes held a wildfire inside as if there was so much you didn’t know. There was so much you wanted to know. “Seungmin.”
You had no time to debate it, because his lips were pressing against yours. They were soft, plush, and you found yourself whimpering into his kiss. He’d effectively shut you up. Without a second passing, Seungmin was dominating your mouth, pressing his tongue in and rolling it against yours. How did just a kiss feel so good?
You let him push you back into the sheets, forearms landing on your pillow either side of your head for purchase. He deepened the kiss, his hands moving to tangle in your hair as he held you in place. You felt your pussy flutter, achingly horny despite the lack of stimulation, and your breath caught in your chest.
Seungmin pulled away and you licked your lips, chest heaving. “I.. can I see them?”
“See what?” He mused, thumb brushing along your lower lip. One look at the amused expression on his face told you that he knew.
“The…” You gulped, legs parting to allow him closer to you. His bulge was thick, pressing tightly against your core. “The tentacles, Seungmin. Can I see them? How many are there?”
“Four, baby,” He leaned down, nipping at your neck. You gasped, hips bucking up, choosing not to comment on the pet name in your haze of lust. “I can put one in your pussy, one in your asshole and one in your mouth. How’s that? Is that dirty enough for you?”
You whimpered, grinding on his bulge. Seungmin allowed it, hands moving to your hips to aid your movement. It had your sleep shorts slipping around, fabric sticking to the wetness accumulated on your folds. You whined, arms thrashing until they settled around his broad shoulders, still clad in his expensive-looking suit. “What about your cock, Seungmin?”
“My cock?” Seungmin scoffed, running his tongue up your neck. It made you squirm, thighs clenching around his slender waist. His hair tickled your skin, dark and perfect as if he’d spent hours styling it. You knew he hadn’t. “I can fuck you without needing to cum, baby. I doubt I can say the same for you.”
“No, I’ll- I’ll probably cum as soon as you put one in, to be honest,” You admitted, cheeks burning crimson with embarrassment.
“Hmm, that makes a lot of sense,” Seungmin reached down, yanking your sleeping shorts down. It bared your pussy to the room, cold air hitting your clit and the slick on your pussy. It made you jolt, squeaking as Seungmin saw you in such an intimate way. “You’re wet. Are you feeling impatient? Needy, even?”
“Yes! Yes, God, I need it,” You huffed, spreading your thighs further. You were practically spread eagle now, and you ran your fingertips over the soft expanse of your tummy, just barely visible below your shirt. You continued the journey down your body, looking up at Seungmin with pleading eyes, and then you pressed two fingers into your clit. You flinched, wailing at the stimulation. “Ah, I’m so horny, I’m so horny, what the fuck-”
“Stay still, I’ll give it to you,” Seungmin murmured, and then you caught sight of them again. Four pitch-black tentacles sprouted from his back, seeming to forego his clothes and then one was tickling at your entrance. You moaned, because were they suckers?
It was easy to learn that yes, his tentacles had suckers, and he was now brushing one over your clit. You obediently moved your hands out of the way, back to their position on his shoulders. It sucked onto the swollen bundle of nerves with ease, and just as you started to squirm, another tentacle was pressing into your tight, drippy hole. You could feel the amount of slick you’d gushed beneath you, ruining your bed and quite possibly ruining you for any other man. The appendage itself was lubed, brushing through your own wetness and creating a filthy noise that rang throughout your bedroom.
“Don’t squirm,” Seungmin commanded, hand running up your thigh comfortingly. The tentacle pushed in further, and you clenched, wet, heavy breaths coming from your mouth. “That’s it, good girl. Let it push inside you, just like that.”
The tentacle was narrow at the tip, but it flared much further out after an inch or so. The stretch made your pussy leak even more than what was imaginable. You didn’t think you’d ever been this wet. The appendage was long, but Seungmin kept pushing more and more until you were taking around five inches of it, and you whined, reaching down to press at his stomach.
“Too big, too much,” You protested, but Seungmin shushed you, pressing a kiss into your cheek.
“Your pussy’s just too little, baby. Too tight,” He grunted, and then he pushed another inch in. “Take it. Take it for me, and I might think about giving you my cock later.”
“Your- would you?” Your eyes were teary, toes curling into the bed. “Been good. Tryin’ to take it, ‘s just- it’s so thick, so long. Seungmin, Seungmin, sir, sir, you said you- you’re not gonna kill me?”
“How can I kill such a sweet thing?” His hand moved to your cheek, before moving down, wrapping around your neck. The pressure was light, but very much there, making you moan out into your room. “You’re whining so pretty for me. Calling me sir, taking this just like it’s my cock. You’re dirty. I have to keep you around, don’t I?”
You nodded, legs thrashing on the bed. Your chest heaved, a blotchy pink rash overtaking your skin. “It’s good, it’s so good, so thick, oh- Oh, I think I might…?”
“You think you’re gonna cum?” Seungmin scoffed. “Already? Alright, do it. I’ll let you. Just this once, okay?”
You keened, hands gripping onto his shoulders. Your fingernails must have been digging into him almost painfully, but he didn’t flinch, staring straight at you with the same dark, piercing gaze. Your pussy clenched down, tight and fluttering, and then you were-
You gasped, eyes fluttering open as you attempted to look around your bedroom. The sun had just begun to rise, but your boyfriend was awake, and pulled you into his chest upon seeing your eyes open.
“Sounded like hell of a dream,” Seungmin smirked, his eyebrow raising. You bit your lip, staring up at him. “Was it about me?”
“Always is,” You mumbled, burying your face in his shirt. He chuckled, shoulders shaking as he rubbed down your back with a tender, broad hand. “It was dirty.”
“Yeah? Another reenactment of how we first met?”
You sighed, brushing your hand down one of his tentacles. It laid bare on your bed, and twitched with approval as you fidgeted with it.
“Yeah, something like that.”
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