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clanwarrior-tumbly · 2 months ago

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Well since we introduced blue & yellow Ena to sleep, how would DreamBBQ Ena react to other Ena sleeping since most Enas don’t sleep. What if we tried to introduce sleeping to her too (I’m thinking this takes place after that one post about blue & yellow Ena and DreamBBQ Ena meeting up yknow)

Yeah! I'm glad you liked those hcs!

Note: To differentiate between the two, Dream BBQ Ena is "ƎNA" and Webseries Ena is just "Ena"

...............

After the initially awkward meeting of the two ENAs (in which you had to calm down your partner after ƎNA's Meanie side made her cry), things finally start looking up. They're actually getting along better than you thought.

It finally sank in that they could relate to each other's experiences, finding common ground in dealing with entities who find them unlikeable and even "dangerous" to be around.

You become fast friends with ƎNA, who always makes time to visit you and Ena in-between assignments (or when her current task so-happens to be along the route where your residence is located).

It was inevitable that your blue/yellow girlfriend might feel insecure about being the "unemployed" ENA sometimes, wishing she was brash and confident like Meanie, or charismatic and calculated like Salesperson. But you always reassure her she's your first and only love in this world, and no other ENA could win your heart the way she did.

Before being introduced to sleep, she probably would've had a dozen breakdowns over the idea of you liking an ENA who seemed better put-together. But now that she had improved emotional regulation, she trusts your word and doesn't mind you hanging out with her.

Speaking of sleep, you mentioned it to ƎNA off hand one day, and she goes "Well, I never considered selling mattresses as a side-hustle, but-"

When you explain it more in-depth, you come to realize she hasn't experienced that for herself either....

'Damn, does ANY member of her species know what sleep is????'

So now, you'll also have to convince her that she could use it, but both sides find it to be a baffling concept. A disruption to her work routine that she initially rejects--although while Salesperson verbally lists every possible con until they become nonsensical strings of business jargon, Meanie simply says it would be a "waste of time" to sleep the hours away...although that's her only argument, and you could tell she's lying to herself.

You show her evidence and statistics that prove when humans get sufficient sleep, their productivity levels typically go up. And in case she was still skeptical and believed her species didn't benefit from it, you tell her that Ena is living proof that it's actually highly beneficial towards her emotional regulation.

Of course, ƎNA's emotions were more in-sync with each other, capable of getting her point across in a coherent manner. But you knew her job could be taxing especially with her share of rude entities and demeaning labor, so you plead for her to at least consider trying to sleep.

For a while, it seems like you've been talking to a brick wall.

But one night, she finally takes your advice when she suddenly appears at your residence, hungover and stuck as her humanesque self, which startles Ena as she wonders why she looked so much like you (minus the big gaping hole in her torso).

Before you could answer, ƎNA just... faceplants onto your bed without permission, and the orange projection of Meanie fizzles into reality to explain herself. "Sorry to barge in like this. I had the worst trip and my head still hurts. So I'm willing to give this "sleep" a try....how long till my free trial expires?"

"Oh! Uh...there's no time limit." You reassure her. "You can stay for as long as you want."

"I concur." Your girlfriend nods. "You just rest your pretty little head and don't worry about a thing!"

Meanie just nods and disappears, while her human self tries to fall asleep.

When Ena leaves to take a call from Moony, you realize ƎNA is now staring at you with her eyes wide open, even though you can clearly see the exhaustion in them.

It seems like she's not allowing herself to sleep. It's obvious that she wants to...yet feels like she needs to get back to her job and shouldn't be allowed this "luxury"-

"You know, it helps to close your eyes." You chuckle, sitting beside her and rubbing her back soothingly. "You're safe here. Don't worry about anything else right now, okay?"

Somehow, your gesture quiets the noise in her head, and she has this small smile of content on her face as her eyelids grow heavier.

She thanks you, although the words aren't any louder than a hoarse whisper. But you hear them and smile back.

Once you know for sure she's out cold, you put the blanket over her and leave the room, informing Ena that your mission was a success.

"Wonderful! One by one, you're teaching us the perks of sleeping! It's really, truly, undeniably---the nicest thing you've evewr done for us!! Why are you so nice???? How can you tolerwate us???" She hugs you tightly, giving you a kiss.

"I'm just doing what's right." You smile. "It's helped our relationship improve a lot, and I think it'll improve her job performance, too."

"True and true! But in regards to my question from earlier...."

"Oh, that's just....a glitch in her system. Like whenever you get drunk and have sharp teeth and horns growing out of you."

"....ah, that makes sense! Weird how she doesn't do that, though. Hmm..she's a strange one, indeed."

#clanask #anonymous #ena x reader #webseries ena x reader #ena dream bbq x reader #headcanons

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angrykittybarbarian · 8 months ago

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Things that bother me about Dragon Age: The Veilguard part 3 (final thoughts)

I have finally finished the playthrough. I endured because I wanted to give this game a fair chance. I wanted to see it from start to finish in the hopes it would deliver something, anything capable of redeeming it. But it just didn't. Or more precisely, not in a way sufficient to make its flaws easy to overlook. These are my closing impressions on the game. I have already done two posts about this in which I documented my observations and comments as I progressed. I will link the posts here: Part 1, Part 2.

Let's finish this ride for now.

!Spoilers below the cut!

The music

I don't know what the direction of the music was meant to take. When it was announced Hans Zimmer would compose the OST I had high hopes. Hans Zimmer is a houshold name in Hollywood and skilled at what he does. I listened to a number of movie OSTs of his making and they were all excellent. So what happened here?

The music sounds generic most of the time without a clear theme or a unique piece that got me searching for it on youtube.

The main theme has sort of a recognizable composition but isn't anything outstanding. Emmrich's theme sounds like a halloween piece written for Wednesdsy Adams and the rest of the OST seems to mimic Trevor Morris' work for DA:I, namely the Lost Temple and In Hushed Whispers themes, but without the emotional impact the original pieces created.

It's as someone has already pointed out and I agree: Bioware has bought the name Hans Zimmer but not his quality. It sounds like he didn't even seriously create something but half heartedly whipped something out of his sleeve and called it a day.

The facial animations

The main problem with these is they often don't fit the emotions the VAs are communicating.

The VAs actually did a fantastic job. The scene that touched me the most was the one Rook confronts Solas in after they escape the regret prison in the fade. That was the first time Rook felt involved, raw and real.

But what broke the atmosphere in an otherwise flawless scene was how unmoving their facial expression was. There was the VA shouting their lung out and the animation couldn't even give half a fuck about it.

I don't even see an excuse for this lack of facial animation. It was possible to do since DA:O, hell, even since the first Mass Effect back in '07. Why is it not possible in the year of our Lord 2024, when technology is presumably better?

The handholding of the player

The plot is tightly paced. This is not necessarily a bad thing as I didn't really like the Open World approach of DA:I since it stretched the main plot too thinly and the maps created weren't filled with interesting side content but boring and pointless fetch quests.

But Veilguard went into the opposide extreme as it leaves only little room for the player when and how to do things. The quests are activated and must be completed in a specific order. They have also only one outcome without room to make different decisions.

Rook can never be truly ruthless. They can never disagree and butt heads with their companions.

And I hate how on the side of the screen the game exactly tells you what you have done and how it affects your companions' behaviour. It doesn't bake it into the interaction organically. Instead it has yet again, explained to me what I did and why it has this very specific effect without any of the characters discussing it. But the beauty of consequential decisions lies in the very unpredictability of its outcome. That's what creates the emotional impact. It doesn't work if I am being warned and explained to like a small child.

It's this lack of trust the game puts into the intelligence of its players that is so experience breaking, insulting even. It doesn't trust its players to figure stuff out themselves. It assumes we are too stupid to get any of the things it tries to tell us.

The ting is though, dear Bioware writers, if you think you have to overexplain your story because you think your audience won't get it then that's a telltale sign of the story being actually badly written.

Another area where this becomes appearant are the "puzzles". I used the quotation marks because there isn't really anything to solve. The solutions are obvious and at times your companions go out of their way to tell you.

The romances

Romances have always been a nice bonus on top of the otherweise amazing game content. They added some enjoyable extra fluff purely for enjoyment and some cases even deepened the main storyline.

In Veilguard they don't do that. In almost all of them the flirting is so meaningless that your cutscene with them just proceeds as if nothing happened.

There is no shift or change to their tone towards Rook. You don't build up the relationship with them. There is no last goodbye kiss before the last mission or passionate affirmations of love and trust. It just leaves you cold.

The only romance that seems to have that old depth is Emmrich's. The rest however, they don't add anything significant. There virtually is no difference to the game without the romances.

Companion relationships

Let's begin here with the simple fact that all deeper interactions Rook has with the companions are strictly scripted which ties back into the handholding part of this criticism. Rook cannot initiate a conversation and ask them some general questions about their histories and opinions on certain matters.

Rook only gets to interact with them when they happen to want something from them. Otherwise they cannot be bothered to acknowledge Rook with more than a one sided oneliner.

And then there are the relationships between the companions themselves. They either get along swimmingly or the game feels the need to stage some immature conflict between them without any deeper purpose.

Like Harding not understanding why Emmrich brings so many books on the road despite it literally not being any of her damn business bevause it doesn't personally affect her in any way.

Or Taash not understanding his profession as a Mournwatcher as they call him names so Rook has to point out Taash in turn likes dragons which is an interest he doesn't share only to culminate the discussion with a "We need to respect our differences" sort of statement.

These are not conflicts, these are squabbles of children and like children Roik talks to them which is brought ad absurdum with Emmrich because he is literally old enough to be Rook's father.

Why bother at all with writing conflict if it is only to be something as inconsequential as this?

Varric's death

This one is a .... choice.

I won't go into why the decision to let him die or not is good or bad because I feel like this is highly subjective.

However the impact of the reveal of this fact is only partly executed well.

Why?

Because it only hits hard when the player has known and cared about Varric at least since DA:I if not DA 2. The execution of this plotpoint thus relies too heavily on nostalgia instead of building the tension up within its own setting.

When thinking about Bioware also wanting to be newcomer friendly with this game I am left to wonder then why they didn't introduce Varric properly and didn't give the players time to build up the relationship? Why would a new player care about Varric? They don't know him.

Bioware cannot in good conscience claim they designed the game to be new player friendly while simultaniously heavily relying on knowledge from previous games, dlcs, comics, novels and other spin-off media. They cannot claim this and have anything but DATV do the heavy lifting when it comes to executing their plot.

The final mission

For my final point I also want to lose some positive feedback about this game.

The ending was actually well written.

In relation to Solas it comes full circle. You can actually feel what's at stake and the decisions Rook makes actually matter.

The final questline roughly follows a Mass Effect 2 approach where it is classified as nothing short of a suicide mission.

Companion quests essentially function as loyalty missions and Rook gets to assign various posts in battle. Just like in Mass Effect 2 assigning a companion a post completely outside of their expertise may get them killed.

The dialogue is actually written well at this point in the game. There isn't really much to complain about.

But even this part is not entirely without faults.

For one I don't like the non negotiable sacrifice that has either to be made by Harding or Davrin. Rook doesn't even get a chance to save any of them. But again these non negotiable companion deaths where you only make the choice who's it's going to be isn't anything new (i.e. Hawke and whatever Warden you happen to get, Kaidan/Ashley in ME 1). So maybe a bit if a bummer but nothing experience breaking.

A stronger point however is that Rook will always keep the Veil intact in the end.

I suppose this outcome already is part of the game title itself but was it necessary to take it so literally?

With everything the elves have lost and the discrimination they faced it should absolutely have been an option to agree with Solas and tear the Veil down.

But since we don't talk about racism and slavery I guess Rook doesn't reflect on these points either. So I guess keeping the Veil intact is in line with the game's general sanitization of the world.

So in conclusion?

The game is far from great, not gonna lie. It feels like the devs actually wanted a new IP but were too afraid of the risks that come with such an endeavor and thought gutting an existing franchise that already did the heavy lifting of building a fanbase and using it as a package would save their ideas from flopping. Surely no one will notice it is actually something else if we market it as Dragon Age, right?

But we are not that stupid. This behaviour is insulting to put it plain and simple and I am heartbroken, angry and said that this was done to Dragon Age. I wanted to love this game. I was optimistic before the release. Everything looked fine, nothing in particular to worry about.

But I cannot continue to defend this without breaking my basic brain function.

The most frustrating part is that with the ending the devs showed they can write a story and meaningful dialogues. It left me wondering why it couldn't be done like this for the rest of the game and living with the reality that I will never get what this game could have been.

All in all this is not a good Dragon Age game. It is a massive disappointment and does not live up to the promises made by the devs.

I am sorry for everyone who preordered.

I am sorry for everyone who paid the full release price.

Nominating it for Game of the Year is not justified no mattee how you look at it.

If you are genuinely enjoying the game, I hope you continue to do so and all power to you.

For the rest: let's stop excusing Bioware's disrespect towards the fans and enabling them by paying them too much money for it.

Don't buy at release. Don't buy spin off media. Wait for sales. These people only understand the problem when you give them a good run for their money.

#dragon age #dragon age: the veilguard #datv #datv critical #bioware critical #emmrich volkarin #taash #scout harding #solas #long post #this is the end of my critical long posts #i will post some thoughts and ideas on how this game could have been improved #this is my way of coping with the sheer betrayal this game release was to me #like it was my groom and left me the bride at the altar on our wedding da #after feeding me all these empty promises #i can never trust bioware again

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nightcolorz · 7 months ago

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I always feel cringe when I deeply analyze the subtext of community bcus it’s literally a silly sitcom about silly things happening but also how can I not when there’s that one scene where Troy and Abed talk at the end of s3 ep12 contemporary issues?!

It’s so silly how this might be the most nuanced and relatable depiction of being disabled that I’ve ever seen 💀. The type of uncomfortable and difficult exchanges of power and vulnerability that often have to form between disabled adults and their friends and family is an experience that I never see explored, so it’s shocking that community of all things implements it thematically 😭. In this scene, troy struggles to explain that he doesn’t want to take Abeds autonomy away but he knows he needs to bcus Abed is disabled to the point where he sometimes needs someone to care for him and make decisions for him, or else he could get seriously hurt or possibly even die (as is the case in the episode 😭). And Troy is like, I know you don’t like to be told what to do bcus ur often infantilized and mistreated and ur entitled to ur independence and self sufficiency, but also you are disabled and u could die if I don’t help you!! Which is definitely a valid concern in this scenario 😭.

But When it comes to the type of stigma and abuse that disabled people suffer, allowing someone who you consider ur friend and peer to “take care of you” bcus u can’t survive without support can be humiliating, especially if ur abed, who is a control freak. And abed is like, actively struggling to communicate and understand the conversation. You can see his trust in Troy actively breaking bcus this is the first time in their relationship that Troy has deviated from behavior revolving around Abed’s comforts and preferred forms of communication, to painfully lecture him about his needs of all things. And as Abed is asking questions trying to understand what is happening his defensive “I’m being infantilized” shields come up and he is like “how is it fair that you get to do what you want and be an independent adult and make decisions while I am just supposed to let you tell me what to do and take control for me”

and Troy is like “it’s not fair but it needs to happen bcus you have a developmental disability that disables you in ways that makes it hard for you to make decisions that will be safe and I don’t and I love you and I don’t want you to die” and abed is like “I can’t accept that” and Troy is actively fumbling trying not to say smth incredibly intimate and telling and he fails and just lets “well then I guess you are going to have to trust me” slip out as he looks pleadingly and lovingly into abeds eyes, and you can see the cogs turning in abeds head as he struggles with the reality that he, an extremely independent minded person and control freak, will need to put his trust into someone if he wants to not just be alive, but also to retain the first friendship he has ever had, and he eventually settles on “I guess I will let you tell me what to do sometimes” bcus there’s rlly not much else he can settle on. And even as the conflict is worked out and a decision is reached u can tell abed is deeply hurt and deeply conflicted over whether or not he should even feel hurt, and Troy is guilty and apprehensive and unable in some way to reckon with the respect he has for his friend and the knowledge that he will have to fulfill a caregiver role to ensure his best friends safety which will affect the ease of their relationship and the equality of their power structure

this scene is so short and simple and everything I just wrote is communicated in like five lines of dialogue (ie: “I tried really hard to help you! But you don’t like people who tell you what to do and I don’t wanna be one of those people”, “but that’s what you wanted to do, but I can’t do what I want to do?” “I guess not all of the time. Sometimes you’re going to have to trust that I know better about stuff.” “I don’t know if I can do that.” “Then I guess you’re going to have to…you’re going to have to trust me.”) and even still it’s just so good!! It makes my brain wiggle how this dumb as hell silly show can pack in so much meaning and nuanced conflict around being a disabled adult into short little exchanges with simple ass dialogue and long meaningful staring.

(also it means sm to me that abed does not have low support needs as an autistic person and requires support in every day areas, it’s extremely rare for a disabled person who needs active support to function to be a fully fleshed out major character with flaws and a complex personality in a tv show it’s amazing )

#Abed nadir #troy barnes #community tv #community tv show #nbc community #community #trobed #troy and abed

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murderdogwater · 7 months ago

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How I think the Bachelors and Bachelorettes act when their sick:

Haley: A menace. The type to spit medicine at you like a camel, she'd whine about feeling awful but refuse to take any kind of medication. Don't even try to hide pills in things. She will find them and pick them out. Probably also the type to fake being sick when she was younger just to get princess treatment.

Maru: The type to not tell you she doesn't feel well, and you only find out when Harvey has to carry her back to the farm because she passed out at the clinic. She's probably pretty chill about medicine, but she'll get restless and want something to do while she's on bedrest. But keep an eye on her, or she'll be up trying to make another robot ai nurse or something.

Leah: One of the few who's probably being serious when she says she doesn't get sick. If she does, she'll be pretty chill and will stay in bed, probably sketching, until she's better. If she's sick, she won't stay that way for long, unless it's a real injury, then she's also pretty chill.

Penny: She's probably pretty self-sufficient. She can't exactly taste with how stuffed up she is, so she doesn't know how bad her food tastes. She'll probably eat and sleep a lot and explain it away, saying that Pam left her alone a lot as a kid, so she took care of herself. She'll probably cry if you take care of her.

Emily: She says she doesn't get sick, don't listen to her. Maybe worse than Haley about medication, because she insists that she needs natural methods to heal. She probably gets really delirious and tries to fix it with crystals and burning sage. Just make sure she gets what she needs and give her something to do in bed, and she'll wear herself out.

Abigail: Another one who says they don't get sick and is actually right, more likely to get injured or get food poisoning from her weird diet. Either way she’s pretty chill, and the biggest problem she'll have is boredom. Give her some soup, medicine, and attention, and she'll be fine. Probably plays video games until she feels better.

Sebastian: A BABY. Maximum level baby boy. His two favorite things are soup and tea. He gets sick often and stays that way often. And I feel like Robin is the type to baby him to shit, so he's pouty and needy for attention. Honestly, it will probably get worse if you keep him in bed, so it might be better to make him go outside if possible so he can actually get some sun.

Elliott: He's dramatic but very grateful if you take care of him. If he's really bad, then he'll start talking in Limericks that don't make sense until he falls asleep. Not exactly a baby, but certainly a drama queen. Will complain about his hair being messed up while he's in bed. Might feel better if he goes back to his cabin like a dying woman in a Victorian novel.a

Shane: Oh god, if you think Maru is bad about not telling you when she feels bad, then Shane is 10000 times worse. This man will be throwing up, coughing his lungs out, sneezing loud enough to wake the dead, and still tell you he's fine. You gotta call Jas and have her beg him (from a distance) to lay down and take care of himself. After that, he's chill about everything except his diet, is pissed he can't eat pizza all day but will eat soup and some vegetables if you tell him to.

Alex: Doesn't get sick and is right, but if he gets injured, then he wants princess treatment. He needs his pillows fluffed, his meals hot and on time, and DEMANDS cookies and attention. Evelyn probably spoiled him a little bit as a kid because it was so rare for him to get sick. The only bright side is that he'll gladly take medication without complaint as long as it's followed by a cookie.

Sam: Rarely gets sick, when he does he's a self regulater. If he's really sick, he'll sing softly to himself. His colds come with nightmares, and he'll probably wake up a lot. Cuddle him and make sure he's okay after, and he'll be okay.

Harvey: You'd think that either Harvey would be the type to not get sick or be a big baby. And you're wrong either way. Harvey is sickly and is a horrible self regulator, but he's very grateful for you taking care of him and will be the most cooperative patient ever. Will make dad jokes the whole time. Is very sweet.

#stardew #stardew valley #stardew emily #stardew valley haley #stardew abigail #stardew sam #stardew sebastian #stardew elliott #stardew shane #stardew penny #stardew harvey #stardew maru #stardew alex #sdv leah

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max1461 · 2 months ago

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I now feel that I know exactly what's happening. I have developed a model of this condition that has been incredibly predictive, but:

it seems to defy all medical logic

I struggle myself to believe it, even though it keeps being predictive

The alternatives are basically psychosis and PTSD, because those seem like the two conditions that could make me think I have a predictive-but-medically-impossible model, when in reality I'm just suffering from some kind of delusion. But three neurologists and two psychologists have all dismissed psychosis, even though I've asked them all about that possibility several times (because, fuck, on priors that's a lot more likely). I still think PTSD may be involved somehow, in light of the fact that this seems to be praying on my greatest fears, and there is a flashback-like element to it. But it would need to be a symptomatically very atypical manifestation of PTSD. Not impossible.

Here is my model:

I have such a vivid memory because I associate sensory information with body movements/sensations, and can re-trigger the sensory information by repeating the body movement. I guess this would be some type of synesthesia?

The body movements are tic-like, in that they're often involuntary and can be triggered by sensory stimulus that is related to the one they encode. Whenever I remember an event, these movements trigger and allow me to re-experience the sensory details.

The experiences are vivid but internal.

If the tics is interrupted by other sensory experience, that gets layered on to the original experience it encoded. Mostly when these tics happen though, I am sufficiently absorbed in my own mind that external data is not written to them.

At the dentist, I was making a face which encoded complex sensory and emotional information, due to the nature and content of the panic attack I was having. When I got the anesthesia, my nerve or something got frozen half way through this tic. Uncertain if nerve damage or psychological artifact of the experience.

Thus, I became stuck in a state of perpetually experiencing the emotional and sensory content of that panic attack.

My body keeps trying to "complete the tic", by twitching my face in a certain way. However, it can't. I have repeatedly felt the tic try to go off in my face, I feel some of the twitch and an intense straining sensation, with a feeling that I am about to exit the dream-like state I am in, but the tic fails and I remain in this state.

Because of this, two things happen. Any experiences I have get written to that tic, which feels strange and stressful (because of the intense emotional content encoded there). This explains "the mush".

Also, because the tic can't happen, it tries to come out other places, in other body parts. This explains why I keep feeling the same pattern of movements elsewhere in my body, which feels proprioceptively wrong and foreign because that's supposed to be my face. It feels like it's my face, even it's in my stomach.

By going off in these other places, the tic acquires sensory information associated with them, which is why when it tries to go off in my face again it's weirdly "deformed"—by these other body parts!

The tic is currently settling into a new center of mass(?) in my stomach, so it keeps feeling like my and other people's faces are there.

The tic has a distinct "deformed part", which proprioceptively feels bulbuous and pulsating, and a "correct part", which proprioceptively feels like a series of facial twitches

This corresponds to the correct part of my memories and the mixed up part, which I tap into by directing my bodily focus. When the tic is happening, I can literally get more correct thoughts and memories by focusing on the non-deformed part.

Because I am stuck half way through the tic, and my mind is not used to being there that long, I am experiencing all this hyper-vividly, like hypnogogic hallucinations. I do actually get imagery almost this vivid for short moments as tics are going off in ordinary life, but this is stuck that way.

The "hole" in my thoughts is whatever physical part of my body, presumably in the upper throat, is failing to activate and allow the tic to complete. This is why focusing on the whole, or trying to push the correct thoughts through, often causes me to gag or throw up.

It's something like that. I don't know how that could possible work but this has been so predictive of a model that it's hard to ignore. What the fuck do I do about this?

#medical problem tag

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1-800-crscnt · 9 months ago

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-jobs I think some clones would have in a post-war “clones are legally seen as people” universe-

Cody: plant + animal farmer. sees it as both a new experience/challenge (land, terrestrial plants and animals) but also slightly similar to what he was used to as a marshal commander. likes the hard work & care required for this lifestyle but cares more about the payoff of it all. will underestimate mint at some point.

Rex: fisherman of some kind. i don’t really have a reason for this, it just seems very likely to me. probably enjoys the peace and solitude it can bring after years of being in the situations he’s been in, but likes the learning aspect and self-sufficient parts of knowing how to fish. could also like the thrill of wrestling large fish that have bodycounts and going to competitions about it, maybe all of these options at once. possibly worries a lot about everyone else and is always sending them photos of him fishing so they respond with their own thing.

Fox: nice try. stays unemployed in a comfortable cabin in some isolated town and loves it. if he needs money, he’ll cash in on favors or do small favors for his brothers.

Wolffe: also tempted to stay unemployed, but gets restless + depressed, becomes a woodworker. doesn’t care about it at first since it’s just a way to get money and stay busy, but develops a liking towards the methodical work and the feeling of creating something very meaningful and/or beautiful with his own hands. ends up liking to create furniture for his brothers getting settled down as a hobby, but creates gothic decorations to sell as his main thing. possibly gets less depressed.

Bly: security guard, would quit, then become a geologist. liked how similar being a security guard was to being a marshal commander at times, but overall hated being reminded of how a lot of people saw/see clones. found more peace in geology bc of how delicate/patient/focused he had to be (helps reinforce his belief that he’s not a violent machine capable of nothing else), also loves learning and sharing knowledge in general. doesn’t really like working with other geologists, tends to not communicate being angry since he’s used to shutting up to get a job done. but he’s dealing. sort of.

Doom: would probably also be unemployed but because he keeps quitting any job after about a month. just can’t find anything that calls to him or keeps him happy, but knows his end goal is to have a life involving lots of plants. doesn’t enjoy being unemployed because he tends to see it as a personal failing on his part, ends up very stressed. Wolffe tries to give advice on just jumping right into plant stuff and making money off it, but Doom is hesitant to make something he loves into a job he might end up hating and quitting again.

Bacara: part-time piercer, part-time bounty hunter. likes to call them both his “piercing jobs” to the discomfort of nearly everyone else. prefers bounty hunting since he thinks it’s more necessary + familiar, but would give it up first if he was forced to only choose one (more stable pay + might live longer). backup plan is to fake his death (unnecessary & regardless of situation) and become a librarian or historian with a fake accent. sort of a nerd anyway, so this isn’t the end of the world for him, and likes how he can get away with dissociating more than he used to.

Neyo: surprisingly, professional racer. refuses to explain how he got this idea, his motives, and where the next event will be, but likes it when his brothers somehow show up. loves the exhilaration, risk (huge adrenaline junkie) and how his outfit looks. also likes the bragging rights. backup plan is to fake his death (again, unnecessary & regardless of situation) and secretly live with Bacara, becoming a chef because he likes working with knives + feeding hungry people fulfills his desire to be useful in some way. has yet to tell Bacara any of this, actually finds not saying anything about it really funny.

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eustasskidagenda · 2 years ago

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anon asked: Hi sweetie, My brain just can't get over the idea of Kid being pegged, I mean, everything is so 'grabable" on his body. So could you write an OS or drabble about this? With a female reader. Maybe Kid would have that kink after a certain time in their relationship, according to your NSFW alphabet. With maybe some overstimulation, hair pulling and spanking as additional kinks? And if it's possible, could you write this with Kid being pegged for the first time? I think it's can be interesting! Last, please, can you write him as extra tough/bratty but his attitude breaks bc he can't handle how good it feels. I hope my request was understandable, I don't know how to explain myself properly. Tysm for your time and anon please

Hi! Well, that was an interesting request! And you’re so damn right, Kid's body is so grabbable. It was quite fun to write, Kid is such a brat, I love him so much :D Sorry for the long wait (my back is still injured) and thank you for requesting, I hope I did the job correctly :D ☆

☆Eustass Kid getting pegged for the first time

CW : MDNI, smut, f!reader, pegging, overstimulation, hair pulling, spanking, praises (bc Kid lives for praises), established relationship, Kid has a filthy mouth, Kid is a big brat, kind of virginity loss kink I guess (?), fingering & oral sex (Kid receiving), dirty talk, rough sex

WC : around 4K. I know it's really long, but I wanted to develop a bit Kid's mindset. Hope you don't mind the length!`

Kid is everything, but not submissive. It's written on his face, and the moment you met him, you immediately knew that he would always be in control of absolutely everything. Including in the bedroom. And you never tried to change that, because Kid knows what he's doing. You crave the sensations of his hands gripping your waist and his huge body pressing against yours. However, in the back of your mind, a fantasy always refused to leave your spirit. Your giant, hot-headed boyfriend, moaning and begging while you fuck him. So, once, you tried to talk him about pegging, and you earned nothing, but a dark, mad scowl and a "no" yelled loudly."I'm not a wimp, y/n, no one will ever fuck me. I ain't no bottom bitch." That's what he said. And you know Kid is a stubborn mess, so you never tried to bring the subject up again.

It was five years ago.

Your mind is still filled with this fantasy. So, a few days ago, you tried again to convince your stubborn boyfriend. It was in the middle of a passionate make-out session, and you caught him off-guard. Initially, you believed that he would yell at you once more. However, he simply scowled and frowned. "You're so goddamn stubborn, I thought you would forget about this stupid idea." And then, he shrugged. "You better take the bigger size, I'm not a fucking pussy."

You still don't realize that he actually said 'yes'. In his language, with a lot of cursing and arrogance, but he did accept. It took him five years to gain sufficient trust in you. What a challenge. That's what you think as you relax on the huge bed and read a book that Kid stole for you. You're waiting for him, actually. Kid is probably locked in his workshop, working on some random weapon or new arm improvement.

Suddenly, the door hits the wall. "You're not sleeping yet?" He asks, closing the door behind him. He's still wearing his goggles and his lips are painted with your favorite red lipstick. And on his skin, some stains of oil. "Gonna take a shower, I'll be right back soon." You laugh softly. "Fine, but don't remove your makeup yet." He mutters 'I don't take orders from anyone' before slamming the door once more.

When he comes back with make-up still on his face, you can't help but smile. He listened to you. Locking the door with a kick, Kid drops his heavy coat on the ground, cracks his neck, and crawls on the bed. He immediately wraps his hands around your waist. "Come here. I want to fuck my pretty girlfriend." He sits you on his lap and holds your hips firmly. As he smears his lipstick on your neck, you shudder and put your face against his neck. Kid slides his hand and firmly gropes your ass. "Mine," he growls, squeezing your bottom. "I want to see that pretty ass, undressed and get on all fours,"

You raise an amused eyebrow. "No, I won't." He scowls, irritated by your teasing expression. You roam your hands along Kid's broad chest. "You're the one getting on all fours this time." He scoffs. A low chuckle rumbles up from his chest as he gazes at you. "You're being feisty tonight?" He squeezes your ass tighter. "No. I didn't forget what you said. I chose the larger size. So, will you let me fuck you?"

Totally flushed, Kid scoffs once more. "Goddam, y/n" You can almost see the gears of his brain working quickly. "Why are you so obsessed with this thing?" He groans, still holding your cheeks and squeezing them like if it were a stress ball. "Because you're hot. And you know where your prostate is, right, Eustass?" Kid scowls at you. "I'm not stupid, y/n." You gently touch the corner of his lips with a kiss. "So let me pleasure you."

You take off his goggles and his red hair falls free on his forehead. He's as beautiful and fierce as ever, gazing at you with his amber eyes. He forces you to sit on his lap while he thinks. And his laps make quite a beautiful throne to sit on. Your heart is racing and you're hoping Kid won't change his mind. You need to see that large, massive body, shivering under your touch. There's something so exciting about the idea of fucking such a big, tough, and rude man as Kid. "Y/n, I swear on everything I have: if you ever try to tell to anyone what I'm about to do… I'll fucking kill you. And I'm not even kidding."

Damn, you know he's not kidding.

Kid cares way too much about his reputation. He's so touchy and sensitive whenever someone tries to deny his status or powers. So, abandoning his dominant position is not easy for his stubborn mind. He must really cares about you. Your dear captain only knows the hard way. His strong spirit was the only thing he had as a poor child, when he used to fight for almost everything. That's why he toughens up so much. Right now, he seems much more human. There's a hint of anxiety in his eyes. Maybe he loves you, but people have betrayed him so many times, he can't help but be a bit distrustful. "Eustass, I won't tell anyone, even Killer. It's between you and me, I swear. " Kid sighs deeply. " Goddam woman… fine."

Relieved, you kiss his lips softly. As a punk, Kid always craved for non-conformism. You noticed really soon that he was always curious to try things considered 'weird' by society. But you never thought he would let you peg him. Your heart is brimming with excitement, pride, and impatience. You squirm to escape the strong grasp of your boyfriend and reach for the nightstand .Kid watches closely as you grab the lube and the strap-on. You didn't lie; you chose the larger size. Kid glances at the toy for a long moment, but remains quiet.

"Alright, come here and lie back." Immediately, Kid raises an eyebrow. "You want me to take orders from you? Ain’t no fucking way" Ah yes. Kid. Constantly bratty and hot-headed. "Come on, Eustass." You gently try to push him on his back, but he doesn't move, struggling with his inner thoughts. "Let me pleasure you." As you press your palms harder against his chest, he snarls and eventually lies back, completely tensed. You reach for his belt and he pushes your hand. "I can do that myself," he grunts, taking off his shirt, unbuckling his belts and unbuttoning his pants.

Damn, what a sight to watch at Eustass Kid's naked body. Muscular shoulders, broad and toned chest, abs as hard as the stone, big and grabbable thighs, and that perfect muscular, round booty. "Your name is so accurate, Eust-ass", you laugh as his face turns as red as his hair. "Shut up and do your fucking job," he barks aggressively. He's trying to hide his flustered state. How cute.

Your hand reaches for his already hard cock and you firmly wrap your hands around the thick girth. Kid bucks his hips, eager for more friction. "You're so hard. Are you actually turn on by the situation?" His cock twitches in your palms. "You know what? You should shut the fuck up. Why won't you suck my cock?" He grins and grabs your hair. Damn, even now, he can't help but give your orders. Kid smirks as you comply, content with himself. "That's it, take it all." His cock is throbbing with needs as he pushes deeper down your throat. You can already taste his pre-cum in your mouth.

You keep sucking him while reaching for the lube, spreading it on your fingers, and guiding your fingers against his tight hole. Kid tenses automatically. "Just do it, I'm not a pussy," he mutters. With a wet sound, you remove his cock from your mouth. "Eustass, just to be sure: have you already been fucked in the ass before?"

Now, even his neck is red. "Hell no. Do I fucking look like a guy who likes being fucked all the fucking days?" He snarls, his pride stinging. His thoughts are filled with lust as he feels your hands on him, making his heart race. "Now what?" You don't answer and continue to run your hands along his muscular thighs, grabbing them to widen his legs. "You're so pretty for me." Kid lets out a low, growling sigh, his cock twitching with the need. "Don't call me pretty. And fuck me, I'm dying of impatience"

"Fine, fine. You're needy." You gently tease him, spreading his ass cheeks to take a look at this hole clenching around nothing. Eustass tenses under your touch. "Don't fucking look at my ass like that" he growls, squirming nervously. "Why not?" You whisper, kissing his inner thighs and squeezing his muscular flesh. With your lips, you trace all of his scars and curves. "Because I'm not some fucking object for you to gawk at!" Kid roars, shoving your hands away from his ass. "Now, are you going to fuck me or what?"

You can't help but chuckle. He's such a hot-headed mess. Even more stubborn, yelling and aggressive than usual. Your poor boyfriend is really flustered and turned-on by this situation. The unknown is something he finds unpleasant because he can't control it. "Don't worry, I'll fuck you soon. Let me prepare and stretch you first." You're rubbing your fingers against his entrance, as you say. "Prepare me?" He sneers, his voice thick with disbelief and irritation. "I'm not some delicate flower" He continues to protest, but his heart is racing at the thought of being filled with the massive strap you choose. "Stop being so bratty." You sigh, apply more lube to your fingers, and spread it on Kid's entrance. " Just breathe and relax for me." You gently push two lubricate fingers inside him. His warmth and tightness immediately surround you. With a shiver, Kid groans and grabs the bedsheets. His head, neck, and shoulders are all flushed.

Kid groans as you keep teasing the tip of his cock with your free hand. The double-stimulations is too much for his body to handle. You gently push your fingers deeper, savoring your boyfriend's low grunts and how he clenches around you. So needy already. "You're doing okay, babe?" You ask teasingly, curling your fingers and rubbing his prostate. Kid grabs the bedsheets tightly. Right now, he looks so vulnerable; he doesn't have his prosthetic arm. Just his bare body covered with scars and his big thighs trembling crazily. "Don't call me 'babe'" he grunts, bucking his hips against your hands, eager for more of your touch. It's almost hilarious how hard he tries to hide the moans of pleasure that threaten to escape his lips. "Look like you're enjoying yourself" you tease, stimulating his prostate. "Fuck!" Kid groans, his body arching off the bed. "Just get it over with, I can't get much fore of your goddamn teasing!" he growls, his voice laced with need.

Eustass 'Captain' Kid is finally begin to break down.

That is so fascinating to watch such a big and scary man, so needy and almost begging for more. Begging to actually be fucked. You continue to finger him and he yells, his eyes rolling back in his head as the sensation shot straight to his cock. The pre-cum is leaking onto your fingers and his stomach as his member throbs in your hand. Kid's body trembles, betraying his arousal despite his best efforts to maintain control and the tough boy-attitude. "Just fuck me," he growls impatiently.

"Okay. Then, get on your hands and knees." You demand, taking your fingers off. "No."

"Why, no?"

He frowns. Of course. He won't obey. No one can commands the great Eustass "Captain" Kid. You sigh, half-amused and half-annoyed by his stubbornness. Despite his dislike for orders, what if you simply guide him with your hands? Perhaps he will comply. Holding his hips with firm yet gentle hands, you attempt to roll him onto his stomach. But you can't move his big, heavy body if he's not willing to obey. Kid glances at you for a long time, and when you finally break the eye contact, he huffs and rolls on his stomach. Your heart is racing at the sight of his muscular back. Some scars are running down his spine. Both the small of his back and his ass are incredibly juicy. You can feel yourself becoming increasingly wet as you imagine the moment you will finally fuck him and drive him crazy.

Still with your hands, you try to move him on all fours. Kid growls and arches his back. But he can't really stay on all fours with his missing arm, so he ends up with his head buried in the pillow and his ass perfectly raised in your direction. The position he's in is so helpless and vulnerable that it makes your throat feel a bit dry. He must really trust you to be so exposed. "You can breath at least?" He turns his head. "Of course I can, just fuck me."

He glances across his shoulders as you put on your strap-on and spread some lube on the fake cock. Kid asked for it to be both large and long, and it is. His spirit of competition is quite amusing, but you hope he'll be fine. You give a playful spank to Kid's amazing, muscular ass and enjoy the nice jiggling. It's only fair to give him a light spanking because it's his favorite activity when you're on all fours.

By pressing on the small of his back, you force him to bend more, enough to spread his ass cheeks without your hands. Then, you gently rub the cockhead of the toy against his tight entrance. Kid eyes roll back in his head as he feels the cold rubber head pressing against his hole. "Hurry up and fuck me, damn it! He grumbles with a voice full of desire and impatience. His cock throbbing between his legs shows that he's ready. "Just relax and let me in," your orders before starting to push the massive toy inside him. "Fuck", Kid hisses out between clenched teeth, his body shuddering from the intrusion. He tries to manage his breathing, and he feels the thick head of the dildo stretching his entrance further. "Shit…" he cries out, as the cockhead finally passes his tight ring of muscles. His body instinctively fights back. You soothe him with one hand while gripping his hips firmly with the other. "Just breathe, Eustass. You're doing so good. Just a little more and it will all be inside. " Kid grabs the bedsheets with his hand, his whole body shaking and covered in a slight coat of sweat. As Kid finally relaxes, you manage to push the big toy deeper into him. "You're taking me so well, Eustass." You purr, watching the thick girth of the strap sink completely inside him, stretching his ass widely. "That shit is so fucking big," he groans out, his body shaking with the sensation of being filled so deeply. His ass walls are tightly clamped around the toy. "That's what you wanted" you laugh playfully, squeezing his ass. You can’t believe you’re finally filling him up to the hilt.

"Shit! I know. Just fuck me, I can handle it." Even as it overwhelms his senses, he cannot deny the pleasure that surges through him. Seeing him with a completely flustered face would be wonderful, but you know that he's probably more comfortable that way, with you taking him from behind. If you are unable to see his expressions, he may be more willing to let it go and indulge in the pleasure.

Your entire body is aching. It's too much for you. Kid is so perfect, so pretty, on all fours for you. His muscular body offers to your hands and thrusts. You had no idea that he would allow you to realize one of your most significant fantasies. Now, you have to take good care of him and prove to him how good it can be to be fucked. Maybe he will accept to do it again if he's convincing enough.

You gently start to thrust, sliding in and out with ease thanks to all the lube. The amount of lube is making some wet, obscene sounds with each thrust. Kid grunts, almost moans and tries to hide it behind a curse word as you move your hips. Your hands move from his waist to his ass, and you grab it firmly. You spank the firm flesh playfully. "So perfect" you whisper while thrusting. Kid groans lowly as you continue to plunge the toy into his ass. "You look so beautiful when I’m inside you." Kid sighs. "Can you stop babbling and actually starts to fuck me for real?" He tries to keep his moans under control, his teeth tightening tightly. 'Fuck," he mutters, his voice thick with need and desire. " Damn Eustass, you're taking me so well. You're so beautiful, I-"

" Harder " Kid grunts, silencing you. " I can take it, fuck me harder." You give another spanking to his ass, which slowly turns red. Kid bites the bedsheets, smearing his lipstick everywhere on the pillow and on the mattress. As you speed up your thrusts, Kid bites the bedsheets more firmly to muffle his moans. The sensations are too intense, the pleasure is too overwhelming for his poor mind. He can't think clearly, and is slowly starting to lose his tough-guy attitude. It's tempting to tease him about his pretty, husky moans. He's such a whimpering mess. But you shut up. It's obvious to you that he would feel mocked and humiliated. And you want him to trust you. It's beautiful to watch him indulge in a new world of sensations. With each hard thrust, the inner ring of the strap grinds against your clit, and you moan as well, digging your nails into Kid's ass. "You should see how your hole is swallowing all of me." The mind totally dizzy, your boyfriend doesn't react and just bucks his hips, eager for more friction, more roughness. "Yeah yeah i get it; you love my ass. Just fuck me harder," he begs again impatiently. His body is trembling as his mind still tries to fight against the pleasure washing over him. His cock twitch violently, releasing pre-cum as it throbs in response to your thrusts. "Fuck," he repeats, moaning. Burying his head in the pillow, he bites it. You know, his lipstick is probably all over the white bedsheets. You spank his ass playfully, speeding up your thrusts. "Damn, you were right Eustass, you're taking me so well. You like how wide it stretches you?"

The slapping sounds of the skin fill the room as Kid turns into a whimpering, almost whiny mess. It's difficult for him to handle how good you're stretching him and how nice the toy is rubbing his prostate. You continue to thrust, chasing your own highs. The rubber ring is stimulating your clit just nice, not to mention the amazing view of your boyfriend on all fours and at your mercy. The fake balls of the toy slaps against Kid’s balls. With one hand, you still hold his hips firmly. With the other, you pull on his hair, fucking him deeper. His face is completely red, his eyes are almost wet, and his lipstick is smeared on his chin and cheek. Amazed by this sight, your pussy ache in need. You already know how beautiful Kid looks when he can't handle how tight your cunt is. But that. It's beyond all expectations. The slight pain from his hair being pulled and his ass being spanked only add to his arousal, his cock throbbing with need. All he can mutter is a long, long strand of'shit' and 'fuck'.

Kid buries his head back in the pillow after you release his head. His ass is red from both your spanking and the roughness of your hips when slamming against his. Amazed by the way his body is completely swallowing the toy, you too moan. You reach for his chest, squeezing his large tiddies. Your breast bounces crazily with each hard thrust and Kid's body just jolts of pleasure. You know he won't take much more. So you reach for his cock and as soon as you touch it, Kid cum violently, arching his back, curling his toes and making a mess on the bedsheets. The pleasure just washes over him. But you don't stop, still chasing your own highs. "Fuck!" Kid groans again, his body shuddering from the intense release. His massive frame falls stomach-first on the bed. The friction between his sensitive cock and the mattress is causing him to squirm and jerk. "Damn, Y/N!" He grips the bedsheets more tightly and pants heavily. The way you're overstimulating his sensitive walls and prostate is too much to handle.

"Almost there", you whisper, and finally, you feel the pleasure running through your veins. Your loud boyfriend can't help but cum once more, his eyes rolling back in his head, short-circuited by his second orgasm. You continue to give him some sloppy thrusts, making him squirm and cry out. "You're amazing," you whisper before finally pulling out the toy carefully. With a loud 'plop', you completely pull out the toy, leaving Kid with a gaping hole.

'You're okay?' You whisper, stroking his back gently and playing with his hair. "Hmph. That wasn't that bad" he admits, his chest heaving up and down. Your fierce boyfriend struggles to glance at you and keeps his head buried in the pillow. Despite the intense pleasure he'd just had, his pride is swollen. You gently kiss his lower back, leaving a trail of kissing along his spine. "You were amazing… so beautiful and perfect for me…" Kid grunts slowly. At the moment, he only needs praises. He cannot deny how good it was. And his mind is tortured. What does it mean? Is he still the same for you? Does he look less manly now? Or cruel, maybe? Ashamed, Kid slowly manages to relax as you keep praising him. "You're alright?" You ask, kissing his neck. "Yeah." He grumbles, still trying to catch his breath, and finally rolls onto his back. You take off the strap-on and leave the bedroom, just for a moment. When you came back with a wet cloth, Kid didn't move at all. Without any words, you clean him. "Are you hurt anywhere?" He shakes his head. "No. I fucking lost my arm, I can handle having my ass pounded, damn." He groans. "Alright, alright. Just move your ass then, let me change the bedsheets."

Kid struggles to comply, barely standing up on his shaking legs. After you're finished, he returns to his bed. "Are you joining me or what?" With a chuckle, you comply, pressing your naked body against his. Kid wraps his hand tightly around your waist. "I love you, Eustass" you whisper close to his ear. The confession brings his heart racing. "Of course you love me."

He rolls on his side in silence. You know exactly what he wants, so you wrap your arms around his large body. "My big boy loves to be the little spoon," you laugh and he grunts a 'shut up'.

His hand reaches for yours and intertwined your fingers.

"Why are you smiling?" Kid asks as he feels you smile against his back. "Nothing."

You're just so proud of your stubborn, hot-headed boyfriend. And proud of how your relationship just evolved. Kid is always hard to understand and you never know if he loves you, but those kind of moments… it eases all your doubts. You're overjoyed to have the chance to see the vulnerable, human Kid. He can sleep comfortably. You won't tell anyone about it; it was too precious, you want to keep it to yourself.

"Alright, just smile then, he grumbles", still holding your hand.

#one piece headcanons #one piece x reader #one piece requests #eustass kid x reader #eustass kid headcanons #eustass kid x y/n #eustass kid x you #eustass kid imagine #eustass kid #one piece smut #eustass kid smut #eustass captain kidd #eustass kidd x reader #kidd x reader #one piece writing #one piece fanfiction

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alle-ni · 2 years ago

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My thoughts about goodomensverse (I'm clinically insane) (my personal opinion) (long post)

Book Crowley:

- absolute disaster

- lonely boy

- grumpiest

- he's so in love with Aziraphale but didn't even realised yet

- a bit dumb sometimes ngl

- very tired

- he's trying so hard save earth and everything he knows but everytime he tries to explain why it's always AZIRAPHALE

- sometimes he's like... your old gay uncle, the old gay uncle of the family except it's a 6000 years old gender fluid demon

- HISS LIKE A SNAKE GANG

- got called dear once and them died (figuratively)

Radio Crowley:

- flirty

- "Humm have you ever seen me in a dress~~??"

- he's like flirting with Aziraphale 24/7

- 0 patience this man is a BOMB

- if Aziraphale ever EVER got slightly flirty with him back he will EXPLODE

- smartest of them all, he's very intelligent

- HISS LIKE A SSSSSNAKE GANG

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and it makes him SO FRUSTRATED

- his Aziraphale is the hardest one to reach, maybe this is why he's so deliberately obvious and direct with him (he's resilient, he will never give up)

- he's like a tsudere teenager collegial except he's a 6000 years old demon with serious issues

- not called dear yet poor soul </3

TV Crowley:

- SILLY

- he's the dumbest of them all, sorry 😭

- red hair

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and everyone notice it's SO OBVIOUS

- he's the most affected by The Bookshop Burning ™ event

- the only one who got to kiss the angel, good for him ig, or sorry, idk

- anxiety bomb he literally (literally) EXPLODE

- strongest soldier bc his Aziraphale is IMPOSSIBLE

- got dumped 2 times more than the others someone pls help him

- the most brave tho

- doesn't hiss a lot :/ free him from this madness let him hiss

- he's like a puppy with giant yellow eyes except it's a 6000 years old snake demon that lies all the time

- protective as hell this man wouldn't let anyone near Aziraphale if possible

- got called dear but at what cost??????????????

Book Aziraphale:

- Anxious all the time, religious trauma except the god is your father and he left you and never talk to you again and the guard angels are your siblings and they want you do be dead

- He's so soft he wants so bad to comfort Crowley but he's really hard to reach

- his Crowley is the most difficult of all of them, he needs to circle him a lot to get in touch

- this man got called names so often I don't think he even cares anymore

- he's very nerdy

- he's the calmest of them all

- really chill

- everyone is so mean to him for no reason

- he has 1 braincell tbh and it's really bad bc his Crowley is not that brilliant too they're both stupid sometimes

- he really REALLY wants to be with Crowley and Crowley only, he sounds almost obligated to be with heaven

- he is really kind to others even when they don't deserve

- he called Crowley dear once and then implode

Radio Aziraphale:

- full of himself

- bastard

- the most closed and oblivious of them all

- he tries to play cool with Crowley all the time (he's slowly getting insane and someday he will jump on this man)

- he's the most self sufficient one he barely holds on Crowley to anything and they're pretty independent

- Crowley can say shit like "Miss me angel~~??" and he would keep a bored face and not react at all (he screamed with the walls 4 hours later)

- he's also a tsudere collegial but he at least try to look cool and composed in public

- he's the Aziraphale that most believes in heaven, he's sure they are good and selfless and the right side

- he's not so brilliant tbh but he got a lot of spirit

- the most active Aziraphale ?? He really put his hand in the dirt and do the things alone

- the most angry and bad tempered of them all, bro scream "WE ARE CLOSED LOOK AT THE DAMN SIGN" when ppl barely touch the bookshop door

- he has a lot of patience with Crowley, not deserved tbh bc he thinks it's his personal job to get in Aziraphale's nerves

- overall he is polite

- he's really proud of their "arrangement" there not only one chance he let go without saying that

- he likes to provoke Crowley sometimes too but not as much as the other way around

- if he ever call Crowley dear he will explode

TV Aziraphale:

- bitchiest

- this man need to be sedated what the fuck Aziraphale

- most nuts of then all he's CRAZY

- he's the most up to do shit with Crowley they're insane together

- he doesn't let Crowley rest he is flirting and being cute and hitting on Crowley all the time

- he's so obviously in love with Crowley its embarrassing

- he's the fruitiest he's the entire salad

- the most... indulgent, if I can say, of them all

- more like an employer of heaven, different of book Aziraphale

- he's the only one with almost white hair

- he got kissed but at what cost

- he's the most intelligent of all of them how can he be this dumb

- he loves little things about earth and humans and life and he seems to be the Aziraphale that most love EARTH itself, like, the life, the humans, the food, the little pleasures we have, the little time of happiness we have between all the shit that is happening... he really loves humans <3

- he's conflicted about heaven, he seems to know that there's something WRONG with how heaven works but still doesn't understand what exactly it is

- "oh but saving me makes him soooo happyyyy~~~"

- overall kind and sweet, in a excited way

#good omens #good omens 2 #aziracrow #crowley #Aziraphale #radio omens #good omens radio #good omens book #thats my opinion #more like some thoughts i have been collecting since im hearing radio omens #not really accurate #does this count as character study????#lol I think not #maybe i have a preference for radio Aziraphale i wrote so much more about him and ended up erasing it all bc it made me look insane #shit its 2 am I'm so sleepy

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olive-may-write · 1 year ago

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Hope

Hi! So this is the first time that I've wrote somthing this length in a while so this will be a bit rusty.

This is slightly self indulgent as someone who has chronic pain, I just thought I'd write someone up with a reader who has it in mind.

Anyway reader is someone who experiences chronic pain, it's a small insight into the mind of someone who lives with it. I tried to make the reader as gender neutral as possoble, but other than that I hope you enjoy. Please feel free to give feedback of any kind, I just ask that you are kind <3.

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton X Reader

Possible triggers: Dissusion of mental health problems, mentions of chronic pain and how it can affect someone's life, Mention of feeling sick / vomiting.

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The drawing room is not exactly the best place for you to be right now, you had initially thought that a spot of reading would be a sufficient distraction from the blinding pain shooting through your temple. unfortunately, the book you are reading, or trying to at least is not providing any useful distraction, with the words on the page becoming more blurred the more you try to preserver.

Huffing you close the book, trying to focus on something else to distract you from the burden you carry. The pain.

You were never a sickly child, quite the opposite, you were always able to bounce back from any aliment that affected you, that was until sometime during your early adulthood. You cannot fully remember when it happened, just that one day it started, a sharp pain like a needle had been pushed through just under your kneecap and the stubborn thing would not go away.

At first, you had thought you had just over-exerted yourself during the social season with dancing, however, when that had ended, and you found yourself with more time to rest and recover you found that this pain remained. And it had gotten worse, it slowly moved upwards towards your other joints, sending sparks between all the different offending joints.

A knock at the door breaks your train of painful thought, you slowly move towards the door, confused as you had confessed to your maid that if anyone needed or wanted you for anything to very gently turn them in another direction to not exacerbate your pain anymore with meaningless conversations.

The door slowly creeks open, your maid’s face apologetically peeking around the frame.

“Apologies, I understand you did not want to be bothered; however, you have a visitor. One who is very adamant to see you, even after I explained that you had fallen ill today…” she relays, she seems almost skittish, unlike her usual self. This visitor has put up more of a battle than others, who would see you?

Sighing you looked towards her, trying not to cringe at a sudden stinging in your temples, you can’t very well be mad at her, after all, she can’t ultimately swat away everyone that wants to see you, though you had hoped that you would’ve had more time to try and calm down this headache before seeing anyone, alas, fortune is not in your favour today.

“Please do not apologise, Ester, you tried your best,” you say sympathetically. “I do not think I would be so lucky to hide myself away for the whole day without interruptions, please do send whoever is most eager to see me in, if you would not mind.” With the housekeeper slipping back out the door you try to calm yourself, ‘breath, just breath’ you think, trying to calm yourself down, trying to calm the headache, as well as your body.

You are not given enough time, as you hear the door opening again, this time more swiftly than before, footsteps moving quickly and a huffing breath. You then realise a slight error in your wording to your maid early, while you had instructed her to tell people that you had fallen ill, you mostly assumed that she would only need to tell people already aware of your ailment, and with that understanding they would know that you were somewhat alright and not gravely ill and not someone else. Someone who is not aware of your condition, someone who is now staring at you with anxious eyes trying to determine what it is that is wrong with you.

With your body still positioned towards the door you fully take in your visitor, Mr Benedict Bridgerton. You watch as he steps into the room, the door slowly closing over, trapped.

“I was told you were ill” he starts, stepping closer towards the chair you reside in, eyes still darting over you trying to determine the cause of your ‘illness.’

“I give my apologies for being so ardent in wanting to see you, I had initially come here under different pretences, however, the way your maid described your illness I was stricken with worry.” He speaks too quickly, staring at you with a slightly overwhelming concern.

“What ails you so?” he finishes almost crouching in front of you. The pause in the room is too stifling, this question that you hoped you would never have to answer while alone. In the past, you were always quite fortunate when the question had come up, with your father or mother there to quickly move the conversation along. Never bringing the truth to light.

“A misstep walking down some stairs! The floors had just been washed and they were simply too enthralled within their novel to notice” was one such story that had to be shelved after multiple uses.

“Oh, you know they were just so concentrated with their needlework that they strained their hands; nothing to concern yourself about” another one, a slightly more believable story, and one that could be told repeatedly. However this time you were alone, there was no one to save you, no one to swiftly tell a half-truth. No, you were on your own, and with a mind-numbing headache in addition.

“Ah, yes, erm please do excuse Ester, she does tend to exaggerate a little bit with her storytelling, I have but a simple headache.” You are not exactly lying, you do have a headache, you are simply omitting that the ache is also everywhere else within you.

“Oh, thank goodness!” Benedict replies, visibly relaxing, almost bending in half with the sigh he lets out.

“I thought you to be gravely ill with how your maid detailed your condition” he continues, “That you could hardly move, and you were racked with pain” he recounts, what you can only assume to be Esther's attempt at persuasion. And while true, you had hoped she would have chosen something along the lines of having a simple cold.

“Yes, well, as you can see, I am in perfect health, you have nothing to worry about Mr Bridgerton, though your concern is duly appreciated. I do hope your time has not been wasted by travelling over here,” you respond, very much hoping that you can put this conversation to bed. You can feel the pain in your temples starting to come down towards your neck, you need to move, having been sitting in one position for too long but with Mr Bridgeton here you could not just up and move. You also had forgotten your cane this morning in your room, not thinking you would need it very much today, and you did not particularly want to be witnessed limping up and out of the room in front of a man who had no idea of your condition.

Your only plausible solution was to grin and bear it, or rather, politely smile and nod along to whatever this man was about to ask you.

“Nonsense!” he exclaims loudly in a jovial manner, making the pain shoot through you once more.

“My time is never wasted when it comes to you” he speaks softly, as if he realised that by shouting, he would be causing you pain.

“If you are in good health I was wondering if I might ask something of you?” Ah the question you have been waiting for, it could not have come quicker.

“Yes, you may” Your response could be seen as quite rushed if you were in a normal situation, however with the pressure in your temples building and the pain slowly becoming more intense, you found yourself not caring how your actions could be perceived as by others of the ton.

There is a moment of silence where neither of you say anything, staring at him expectingly, you choose to prompt him by nodding your head towards him, hoping he catches onto your hint.

“Oh Right!” he starts with a jump. “Well I came here today with a confession of sorts, I have witnessed you, wait! Ah!” he suddenly stops almost aware of how slightly strange he must sound.

“Oh goodness, well- I, god” You take some pity on him as he seems to stumble over his words, ablet not enough pity to warrant sitting patiently in an increasingly uncomfortable chair.

“Mr Bridgton, I do not mean to rush you but would you please simply ask this question” huffing slightly.

“I know this is not how I am supposed to go about this, but I cannot ignore my feelings for you any longer! Please would you do the honour of letting me court you?”

There is a pause after his confession, stunned, shocked you are not sure how to respond. You almost think it is some cruel jest that he has been set up to follow through, but as you look at him, his expression and how he holds himself you realise that he is being as truthful. You feel as if someone has thrown a bucket of cold water over you, what does this mean? This cannot be real. This man of high stature wants to court you. While not lowly in rank, you certainly are not what you would expect a Bridgerton to go for and certainly not someone as seemingly broken as yourself.

Sitting there for a few more moments you realise that he is still waiting for your response.

“I, I cannot” you start “I am very sorry, but I cannot accept this offer.” You state, dropping your focus to the floor.

“I. what?” Benedict almost laughs, stunned.

“Why can you not? Are you intended to another?”

“No, I am very much not.”

“Are you interested in someone else?” You scoff at the question.

“No, not that it matters either way” The pain starting to build up even more now that you are having to argue your case.

“I have refused your offer, Mr Bridgton, I do fear that Ester had some truth in her words and I feel a headache coming on. I think it best that you leave for the day” You aren’t lying per se, you have had a headache for the best part of the day.

“But why not? I do apologise, but I am simply confused. You are not intended to another, and you are not interested in anyone else, so why refuse my offer.” He states.

“At least agree to court me, and then you can make your decision afterwards, at least let me have a chance to show you how I care for you.”

You are starting to get frustrated, and the pain in your head has started to become unbearable, like someone smashing pots and pans together, you feel a ringing in your ears, and you almost want to throw up.

“I am not well!” you explode, your breathing is ragged as your chest moves quickly. The pain in your temples is more present than ever, cringing you move to push your forefinger and thumb to either side of your nose bridge and start to pinch, hoping that brute force would almost will the pain to subside.

‘Pathetic’ you think to yourself, ‘I can’t even argue correctly, must everything I do be muddled with pain?’ You try and calm your breathing, focusing on the feeling of your fingers on your face, the clothes you are wearing, your breathing, anything to try and calm the pain down before it loses control.

There is a strange tension between the both of you, a quiet blanket that has been placed over the room as you do not know what to say.

“I am not well sir… I have not been for quite some time” you start again, still pressing your finger and thumb into the sockets below your eyebrows.

“Ester was right. I am riddled with pain, every day. I cannot dress without the pain, eat without it, speak, walk, laugh; live without it, I am tormented by it…” You begin to feel a sharp pain behind your eyes as tears start to fall onto your cheeks. Realising that by unravelling this thread that you would not be able to stop, you cannot tangle it back up again and simply throw it into your sewing box never to be spoken about again.

“I cannot be who you want me to be, I cannot offer you anything. It hurts to live, and I cannot burden you with that, you would be throwing away your freedom if I were to agree to your request. Do you want that? To be saddled with an intended that cannot do the simplest of tasks without the burden of pain?” You seem to burst out into a frenzy of words.

Without giving him a chance to argue back you move to stand, using a hand to brace yourself on the side of the chair you are occupying, you push down to give your body the momentum to move, your elbow shaking as it strains under the surplus of weight it is not normally used to. You curse yourself for not bringing your cane with you.

You pause while trying to catch your breath, frustrated that you simply cannot run out of the room and hide after such a shocking outburst, left to just stand there trying to muster up the strength and energy to try and move towards the door. With your head tilted down you were fortunate enough that you could not see his face, which was one of pain and shock.

Starting again you move towards the door, gripping the backs of chairs and the edges of side tables, with your back turned you don’t see Benedict moving as well, like a kicked puppy wanting to be comforted he follows behind you, he does keep his distance, not wanting to upset you further than you already are.

As you place your hand on the door, dropping it down so you are grabbing the handle, you feel a presence behind you. From the corner of your vision, you see a hand place itself on the door. You slowly turn around to face him, you thank some part of him that he is not crowding you up against the door, that he has given you some space.

“Please let me go, let me go. You can be free, you can move on, let me be.” you pleaded, looking up at him, your eyes flitting over his face looking for a sign, any sign that would indicate that he headed your prayer. You slowly focus on his eyes, looking within them, your breath hitches as all you see is a kindness so gut-wrenching it makes you feel physically sick.

There is no malice, no pity, or any inclination that he will follow your word. All you see within his gaze is kindness, one of love and hope. You start to feel overwhelmed, having such a kind affectionate gaze homed in on you. You think back to all the times you caught his gaze; at balls, gatherings, when he would come to speak to you, when he came to visit today to ask to court you. You think about how there was no pity within his stare, no sympathy, no looks of “such a shame, one so young yet so ill,” none of that.

You start to think about how you have brushed him off, how you have ignored him, at times even running away from him, too wrapped up in your melancholy to even look, actually look at how he was gazing at you, too scared to even admit that someone might even look at you within out an ounce of pity.

You start to think about how you could allow this, the love and admiration of another person, how this could happen. Could this happen? Could you willingly put your anxieties aside and let someone in, could they be your rock, could they hold you when the pain becomes overwhelming, suffocating you, pulling you down into despair?

Could you let him? As this question appears within your mind you feel a spark, like flint and rock smashing together, start within you. It is almost unnerving, unnatural. You have not felt this for an extraordinarily long time, almost losing belief that you could ever feel it again.

Hope. Hope that you could be loved and cherished, that you could have someone there for your bad days, as well as your good days where you could go for a walk or a carriage ride, where you could go to socials and visit family.

This line of thought left you almost breathless, as you still stood within the drawing room of your home. Slightly pressed up against the door, with one of your hands behind your back on the handle as you were trying to escape…again.

As this chaos was happening within your head, Benedict slowly brought his hand to your cheek, hesitating as if unsure if his action would cause you more pain than comfort.

Pushing the feeling of guilt down, you take a leap of faith by slowly moving your head towards him, tilting it so your cheek rests within his palm. You flinch slightly, Benedict moving his band away from you, nervous that he might have caused you more anguish. Quickly you stop him, bringing your other hand to cage his, gently placing his hand back onto your face, cupping your cheek and jaw slightly through his hand.

“It…it did not hurt that much, I was just surprised is all” you whispered “It has been a very long time since anyone has held my face this way” You can feel your reserve beginning to crack, you pushed forward, that small spark of hope within you starting to burn brighter.

“It is quite lovely actually, I don’t have to use as much energy to hold my head up when it is being held for me” you ramble, trying to ease the tension and hopefully his nerves.

“I see” he replies slowly, looking over you to make sure that his actions are not upsetting you in any way. Slowing analysing your features, sketching your appearance in his mind, unsure if he might get an opportunity to be this close to you again.

Bringing his focus to your eyes he is startled at what he finds, hope. A small whisp of it, and while surrounded by what he can assume is anxieties and doubt, he is so certain that it is there.

“If you would let me” he continues “it would be an honour to hold your head for you if only for a moment, to provide but a small reprieve.” Realising that you are not stopping him from speaking, he continues.

“You are so extraordinarily strong, a remarkable person. Willing to take on so much and push through it all, despite the load you carry” he feels your head rest slightly more in his hand, seeing your eyes fluttering before you shut them for a moment. He is worried slightly that he might have messed up, saying something that pushed you down into the darkness rather than bringing you up into the light. However, as you open your eyes again, slowly raising your focus from his chest to his face, then to meet his gaze once more, he disregards his previous concern. He can see that spark burning ever so slightly brighter.

You gently pressed his hand between your own and your face, turning the latter into his palm so that your lips were ever so gently touching below his thumb. If he would be so bold he could move the digit with a feather-like touch across your cheek and wipe away any tear marks from earlier.

“But you do not have to carry this load alone, I am not sacrificing my freedom wanting to be with you” parroting one of your earlier statements with earnestness.

“I am not sacrificing anything, I come forward willingly, I come to you after hearing about you and your life. I come to you as a willing partner if you would have me. Allow me to carry some of your load, let me hold your head and hands for you. Allow me the honour of holding you during your dark moments as well as your light.”

“I want to be there for you, with you, I am not here out of pity, I am here out of admiration and love. I fear that if I loved you any less, I would be able to talk about it more, my heart is but a reflection of you.” He felt like he was rambling, struggling to find the words to convey his true feelings, how he was frazzled by you, in a way he had not been before.

There was a pause and he started to doubt himself, his words, and his abilities before he saw a subtle movement from the outskirts of his vision.

As you looked into his eyes you could feel your grip on the door handle slipping, becoming less tense, less firm. Overcome with emotions from Benedict’s confession your hand goes limp, falling from the handle completely.

As you stare into his eye you slowly bring now limp hand up towards his face, almost parallel to his still cupping onto your own. You move slowly, akin to a dazed animal who is wary of any sudden movements; as you reach, you settle your arm on his chest resting so that your palm now cups his jawbone.

Benedict sees the movement, your hand dropping and moving up, towards him, he feels like he might faint, being able to touch you is one thing, but you, touching him is something he did not consider. He shuts his eyes, almost squeezing them closed not wanting to frighten you with how shocked he must look.

When you finally rest your hand against his chest, he felt like his heart must have stopped beating, he froze, willing himself to take a breath, to steel himself before opening his eyes.

For when he did, he was in awe, the spark that was once so dim, nearly stamped out was burning and it was burning bright.

“Do you mean it?” you ask, voice shaking slightly.

“With my whole heart, with the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. I will be by your side till you are through with me, till I drive you mad, till we are grey and even then, I will still hold your head for you so you can rest for a while.” Benedict tries to convey every ounce of his emotions that he feels so you can be sure that you are fully aware of what he is experiencing.

“I think I would like that” your reply is rushed. Not wanting to waste a moment, not letting it run away or hide. You finally made your choice, you would let hope win, you would lose the battle but win the war and your victory prize did not seem all that bad.

#benedict bridgerton x reader #bridgerton x reader #benedict bridgerton #bridgerton fanfic

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magicandpizza · 15 days ago

Note

I’m curious to see what you’ll do with 7 (hospital) 👀

I mean. It had to be done.

7. Hospital

The curtain around Jesper’s triage bed opens to reveal a young man in blue scrubs. He’s holding a clipboard covered in different coloured highlighter lines and apparently studying it intently, nose scrunched up with concentration.

“Hello Mister Fahey, my name is Wylan and I’m the triage nurse this evening. I understand you’ve injured your…” The nurse — Wylan — trails off as he glances up at Jesper, a light blush spreading across his face.

Jesper bites the inside of his cheek. “My penis, yes.”

Of course the nurse would be hot as hell. It’s just his luck.

Wylan clears his throat. “Right. Well, umm, could you tell me a bit about what happened?”

Oh God.

Resisting the urge to just up and leave, potential penis injury be damned, Jesper explains. “Umm. I was having… intercourse…” He thinks he hears Wylan suppress a snort at his choice of words. “And it was quite, let’s say energetic, and afterwards I noticed that it was kind of sore? And a bit swollen? And I just thought… better to get it checked out, y’know?”

Throughout Jesper’s explanation, he watches Wylan’s cheeks get steadily pinker.

“I see,” Wylan says delicately. He scribbles something that looks suspiciously like music notes down on the clipboard. “And has anything like this happened before?”

Jesper shakes his head. “No.”

“Alright, I’m going to need to take a look, if that’s okay?” Wylan asks, reaching for a box of nitrile gloves. “If you could just lower your trousers and underwear.”

Biting his lip, Jesper nods his consent and wiggles his sweatpants and boxers down to his thighs. He pointedly stares at the ceiling and tries very hard not to think about the cute nurse currently inspecting his penis.

Do not get a hard-on. Do not get a hard-on.

“Okay Mister Fahey, you can pull your trousers back up now.”

With his modesty covered once more, Jesper manages to look at the nurse again. If it’s at all possible, his face has turned an ever brighter shade of pink.

“I don’t think there’s any serious damage. If you’d fractured your penis, you would’ve heard a snap, and you’d be in a lot more pain right now.” Jesper breathes a sigh of relief, watching with mild curiosity as Wylan returns to scribbling his indecipherable notes on the clipboard. “I think some anti-inflammatories and ice should be sufficient, but if you have any concerns then don’t hesitate to come back.”

“And if I don’t have any concerns but I just want to see you again?” Jesper asks, before his brain has fully caught up with what he’s saying. Shit. Is there some kind of rule against hospital staff dating patients?

Fortunately, Wylan just smiles softly. He tears off a corner of paper and writes something on it, then hands it to Jesper. A phone number.

“Maybe wait until your penis is back to normal before calling me, yeah?”

#six of crows #wesper #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #shadow and bone #fanfiction #wesper prompt game #ao3 #jesper and wylan #prompt game #wesper au prompt game

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gazemaizeisdead · 3 months ago

Text

review: spiritfarer (farewell edition) (spoilers)

in the last year and a half i’ve been trying to get in the habit of viewing art as a social experience, so whenever somebody strongly recommends me something with or without my prompting i write it down on a list and try to prioritize getting around to it over something i’d naturally gravitate towards myself. this has been a really rewarding mindset; occasionally you will be punished and made to watch the entirety of stranger things or “spider man: the dragon’s challenge” and have to endure a torture session as they explain to you how you aren’t getting it but for every one of these i’ve been met with three more rang de basantis or sonny boys or darkness at noons or of the devils. even most people with bad taste have a few weird obscure pieces of good media in their back pocket that they can summon up and what’s interesting is that they almost always subconsciously tell on themselves when they give you something terrible, so you can take the risk away and avoid the shit if you learn to identify the signs.

i wish i could tell you concrete rules to follow but it’s different for everybody and just something you have to learn with practice. they’ll tell you to watch the entirety of school days and say it’s transcendentally good subversive media and they do believe this, at least they believe that they believe this, but the voice cracks just a little as they do and you know what’s up. those body language analysis crime people on youtube are cranks but the next time somebody tries to get you into the bear season 6 look into their dead eyes, really listen to how they say what they say. a smidge of subconscious honesty about their bad taste can’t help but reveal itself.

spiritfarer is safely in the category of things i never would have tried without the “reward” of getting to have a dialogue about it with a friend. i don’t like resource management games (does pikmin count? i guess i like pikmin), life simulators, “cozy” targeted media, open-world exploration games, almost anything with a sufficiently high hugs-per-minute ratio, or wind waker. spiritfarer is all of these and i was open about my skepticism as they described it as something i in particular would like (this is where i heard my friend’s inner voice crack), but it was three bucks last month so i figured why not.

i’m mixed. i was right in that it wasn’t for me, but this was the first real videogame i played to completion in a very long time, so there is something to the sauce.

the pitch is excellent: you are the new ferryman of the dead. you must travel a fantasy sea on your absurdly big customizable boat collecting spirits of the deceased and help them sort through their final emotional baggage before delivering them to the other side. since “helping them sort through their final emotional baggage” universally necessitates building the spirits a sick ass new house for them and decorating it, you spend most of your time sailing around searching for new materials to expand the possibilities of your onboard crafting system while managing their hunger and emotional needs.

as a gameplay loop, for the most part i thought this worked very well, up to a point: that point being about ten hours into a thirty hour game. i did not 100% the game but i boated around the entire map and finished every spirit’s central questline, which gets you close to doing everything the game has to offer anyway, and i was getting extremely sick of almost everything beyond dialogue and narrative events at about the 60% mark.

spiritfarer’s biggest mechanical issue is that it does not respect your time. most of the game is spent doing chores: farming, cooking, mining, smelting, logging, fishing, building, along with each spirit’s special customized chore game that is actually the same exact chore game every time (run around the ship and grab the moving object).

now, let it be said: there are people who like doing video game chores. stardew valley and animal crossing and dwarf fortress and shrek powerwash simulator sell like hotcakes for a reason. for some people the appeal seems to be that videogame chores often present tangible progression in a way that real life chores typically do not: i cannot level up doing the dishes and then get to do them faster, or get “dish coins” which over the course of a week i spent on better dishsoaps and then a dishwasher and then a set of progressively larger and more efficient dishwashers. (i guess that i pretty much could, now that i think about it, but i don’t want to.) for them there’s satisfaction to be found in the higher-order process of iterative improvement and optimization and automation and strategy of task-completion; these are the “think chore” gamers. but this element doesn’t seem to be the main reason that most chore gamers like their chores. in truck simulator i am sure you can get better at parking the truck and maybe you spend in-game money and thousands of real world dollars for dlc to progress to having the best truck but the core experience is being in the truck. you have to actually want to be in the truck to play, that’s the point. these are the “zen chore” gamers. they just like doing chores. they see the thing that needs doing and do it; the goal is the process. shrek’s swamp is filthy and we need to get it sparkling, oh boy!

if you are a zen chore gamer, i suspect you’ll love spiritfarer. this game goes out of its way to make chores as romanticized of an experience as they could possibly be. visually sf is gorgeous and special attention is given to all character movement, which is as fluid and addictive to look at as cuphead; this is maybe the best handdrawn 2d animation i’ve ever seen in a videogame. those copycat chase-the-moving-object minigames i was dogging on manage to remain fun for much longer than all the other chores simply because it is such a pleasure to move the character around and watch her zip. everything you do feels hyper-responsive and precise, again owing to that fluidity in movement. the music is also excellent, though i think it would benefitted from a greater song variety; like wind waker, there are a couple of excellent songs that become grating by the end from sheer repetition. (side note: there’s one song that plays at every fast travel stop (and you’ll be at those a lot, the game would be unplayable without constant use of travel stops) that’s so annoying that the developers had to patch in the specific option to replace it with silence. the seal who manages fast travel stops calls you a bitch if you turn it off, which was very funny.)

if you are a think chore gamer or even approach that on the sliding scale you will hate this game. it’s not as if there is no element of optimization but this game does not want to be fully optimized and i suspect the process of seriously trying to do so would make you miserable because you would be left with nothing but the large chunks of this game consisting of waiting.

you wait a lot in spiritfarer. there’s an abundance of almost all resources in the game (once you have a single type of any kind of log or ore, you are able to endlessly replicate it by just planting it on the giant avatar spirit turtle and waiting a short time) so spiritfarer is more about the management of time, but there’s no time limit either, so what it’s really about is managing your patience. i don’t think spiritfarer needed a pikmin-style time limit (and thematically it makes sense to give the player “as much time as they need”, so to speak) but for my money it needed less waiting, and it needed to make the unavoidable waiting much more stimulating than it is.

you mine frequently in this game; mining has a lengthy animation that must be timed precisely to avoid the punishment of an even lengthier animation where you accidentally drop the pickaxe and slowly pick it back up to try again. this four second sequence is very flashy (literally) and looks excellent but must be done two to three times to collect from a single rock and usually you are mining three rocks at a time off the turtle’s back. on average, factoring in the time it takes you to climb off the boat, hop on the turtle, mine the three rocks, replant more rocks, and hop back on the boat, it’s probably going to take you about two minutes every time you need to partially replenish your mineral supply (not including travel time, by far the biggest cost).

if i had to guess i did this whole process at least 30 times over the course of the game: more than an hour spent on something i wouldn’t even call an actual minigame, that already felt like a boring obligation the third time i had to do it. most of spiritfarer is spent doing boring chores like this. some of them are easy reaction button prompts, one is a slightly harder reaction prompt, many are the (very exploitable) collectathon games (which to be fair you do much less of than the rest, though again, they are the most fun activities you have assuming you don’t redesign your ship to cheese them) and the rest are literally timers you set. i mostly played this game in 30 minute increments every morning for a month and playing it this way makes it much more fun but i would have gone insane trying to marathon this. notably there is a co-op mode, but it’s local only so i was unable to play with the friend who recommended this to me. my instinct is that the co-op mode would help significantly with these issues but with so many of the chores being literal timers, only so much.

optimization is possible in spiritfarer but the process of doing it is not fun even for those who find that kind of thing fun, which i can confirm despite not being one of those people because this game that sold over one million copies has no active speedrunning community and hardly any speedrunners historically, where almost all activity occurred not in an any% run but a custom run challenge to see how quickly you can get rid of gwen, the first spirit (of fifteen) in the game.

there are three any% runs. there is no posted 100%. games that have more than five posted new 100% runs (or 100% equivalents) in the time since spiritfarer released include:

ratatouille for the nintendo gamecube

euro truck simulator 2

limbo

google solitaire

wii fit plus

telltale's the wolf among us: episode 3

super mario 63 (not a typo)

subnautica

powerwash simulator (though not the shrek dlc)

uncharted 2

the stanley parable: ultra deluxe

red ball 3

five nights at freddy's: into the pit

there’s no single fatal flaw in spiritfarer that decimates its speedrunning potential, like an inability to skip dialogue or too many unskippable cutscenes (and even those speedrunners have shown a depressing willingness to tolerate), it’s just a lot of boring muck that adds up enough so that even the maddest among us don’t want to sit through the sum.

but i am used to sitting through chores that i dislike almost whenever i do play games, for i’m not a chore gamer of either stripe: i am an anti-chore gamer (experts call this a “fake gamer”). my main interest in videogames as a medium is narrative. many of my favorite videogames are arguably not actually videogames. many parts of good games that people see as fun are, to me personally, boring. i typically see most gameplay as a chore to be endured to get to the plot. (i like cave story a lot, which is a real videogame, but i only played it because the title tricked me.) recall that i literally only started playing spiritfarer to unlock my friend’s dialogue tree.

i’m not bragging about this, i think it’s a little sad, and perhaps indicative of personal intellectual deficiency. most people are able to have fun playing super meat boy and i am not. this is a skill issue. but we fake gamers do exist and increasingly large numbers, and the market has begun catering to us. ostensibly.

this is what was sold to me as the selling point of the game: the story. my friend said it was one of the best-written games they’ve ever played. the game journalists and steam reviews laud it with the similar praise.

i agree. by the standards of the average indie game that is praised for having good writing, spiritfarer has good writing.

which means it has a lot of bad writing in it.

every time you meet a new spirit, you have to do a small quest for them to convince them to join you on your ship. the first time you meet astrid, one of the first spirits in the game, she is leading a strike on a fantasy oil rig after the owner has reduced their time off, and you are asked to help negotiate an end to it. she requests a dialogue with the company’s boss, who has responded to the strike by barricading himself alone in his office and refusing to speak to them.

you walk across the map to the boss’s office. he tells you that there is no way he’d even be willing to speak with them. you walk back to astrid; she tells you they won’t stop striking. you walk back to the boss; he has spontaneously decided to agree to every demand. you walk back to astrid, she says that the reinstituted vacation days aren’t enough, and she wants more. you walk back to the boss. he instantly agrees and tells you that he really has to pee.

by this early point in spiritfarer it’s already been established that it isn’t that wordy of a game and that the place we are in is to some degree metaphorical or at least not compatible with the logic of our world, a la spirited away. when i see a quest pop up telling me i’m to defuse a ghost strike i am not expecting anything approaching disco elysium levels of complexity. but stuff like this is atrocious. “player needs to convince stubborn npc to change their mind” is a tried-and-true quest mechanic for a reason but what’s the point of having me bounce generic exchanges between two characters when i have no choice or influence on the outcome, no challenge, no risk of failure? what’s the point of taking the time to have me talk to them separately when it reveals no special information and we could have gotten the same thing better and faster by simply watching astrid argue with the owner herself?

this quest exists so that we can establish astrid as a revolutionary girlboss. fine. do the strike. we need things for the player to do to satisfy the chore gamers so help astrid get eight oak planks so she can craft a battering ram to knock the owner’s door down, and then show us the cutscene between her arguing with the owner. this is not genius redesign but it prevents needless backtracking and describes a conflict with conflict in it. a strike is an inherently interesting and volatile subject, even if it’s a tiny part in your story, why bring it down to the level of a guy repeatedly refusing to accept a parcel he ordered? it’s lame.

the original quest is only five minutes long, but the game is filled with this stuff, the narrative equivalent of waiting for the mining animation to finish; stuff like this adds up. there is an entire separate list of quests in this game called “shenanigans” and i did one by mistake (a delivery quest where you bring cds to three random people and then nothing happens and you receive nothing, the end) and then i learned that shenanigans is code for quests that suck and have no benefit. it’s dishonesty; the word shenanigans definitionally implies fun. call them shit quests in the menu.

you can talk to every single background npc in this game, who often will say “hey” or “i don’t want to talk” or “i love this air”. why have npcs like this? better to delete them. it’s one thing to have your npcs spout useless boring exposition or shitty jokes (the game does these both too) but why give the ability to press space on a guy and have him talk to me if doing so is going to open the textbox that says “hello” and then close the box again. you understand that as soon as your game has demonstrated a willingness to do this i am never going to talk to a generic npc ever again unless i have to? why draw this incredible beautiful archipelago and giant fantasy montreal and destroy the illusion by having one-third of the characters speak to me with what i can charitably assume is untouched placeholder dialogue? why work so hard to have sexy italy lion tell me about his ww2 trauma in a fantastic optional bonus monologue but not take the extra ten seconds to write a custom sentence so he doesn’t have the same “man i hate the rain!” line as like six other people on the boat? it’s so easy to add realness to a game through good writing and it’s so easy to lose it through bad writing, and more critically, lazy writing. far too much of the writing in this game made me feel like i was playing poptropica.

however as i hinted by talking about the lion, the good stuff (which is, thankfully, the majority of the narrative element) is the companion spirit dialogues, some of which are excellent. with 15 spirits more than a few are “filler�� (they do “sweet but prickly old lady who is slowly losing herself to advanced dementia” twice and only the first time do they have the benefit of her being an anthropomorphic porcupine) but the good ones are very good. my favorite is the pair of generic italian mob goon brothers who actively lower the happiness of every other person on the boat by bullying them for as long as they are around.

my favorite element of the spirits is that each one violates the rules of the core game loop in some way, usually in a manner that subtly reveals stuff about their character. (this is where i seriously begin talking spoilers, if you care or intend to play it). one spirit, a frog, simply leaves the boat himself after you progress his questline enough without letting you do the usual sad saying goodbye at the door of death cutscene, and it’s genuinely unsatisfying in a way that helps poke at the feeling of experiencing a death without being able to get proper closure. the goon brothers are only counted as one spirit, despite there being two of them; you only ever speak to an angry little joe pesci hummingbird perched on the head of the silent ox, who doesn’t say anything the entire game and has to be flown around by the hummingbird (the animations for this are incredible). at first you think they’re doing the “i do all the talking, he does the hurting” routine but you find out during their questline that the ox is braindead and even the presence of his spirit may be an illusion created by the hummingbird, who killed himself after his brother died and can’t function alone. this game is leaps and bounds more subtle with this stuff than every other bad emotional twist secret metaphor indie game i have ever played; it’s mostly comfortable hinting at really interesting developments without worrying that you won’t get it.

there’s a ton of tiny moments of fridge brilliance in this game intermeshed into the design and gameplay; the frog was able to go to the door alone because, duh, he’s a frog, the only aquatic animal you ever get on your boat, and he swam there. one character cannot ever be brought to the everdoor and the game has a bunch of hints to why this is without it ever being explicitly stated. at one point you hear about the fakinhage and i immediately figured out what it was without the game needing to tell me and i was so proud of myself. i got real chills with the fakinhage , i’m not joking. whoever came up with the fakinhage deserves a medal. i’m going to spoil the twist of the game in two or three paragraphs but i still won’t tell you about the fakinhage is because the idea of ruining it for somebody breaks my heart. i could write an entire essay just about the fakinhage.

you are expected to cry playing this game. very often i hear the phrase “emotionally manipulative” when discussing media and i think it’s misused in the same way that calling something “propaganda” is. all art is emotionally manipulative; what we usually mean when we say that is that something is emotional ineffective, that it feels cheap or dishonest or predictable or poorly written in a way that makes the impact flaccid. there aren’t a lot of negative user reviews for this game (in large part because i think it’s excellent about immediately signaling the kind of experience it’s going to be and filtering out those who wouldn’t be into it) but i did see the phrase pop up a few times and i very often felt the same, playing spiritfarer.

i have spent a relatively minuscule amount of time volunteering, working, and personally grieving in palliative care centers so i was primed to be affected by playing this game (i groaned when i realized this is why my friend thought i would love it). spiritfarer is a hospice simulator. literally: the twist of the game, as dated indie game tradition dictates, is that you, the player, are already dead (or about to be); the world of spiritfarer is some kind of metaphysical construction or DMT delusion in your final moments about helping your character who was a hospice worker in real life come to terms with their own death. the spirits in the dream world are all based on real people the character knew, which is why they act familiar with her, but they are all already long gone and the whole exercise is actually about her.

this description makes it sound worse than it is; again, spiritfarer is comfortable being relatively subtle about all this, so the nature of the metaphor never constricts the object-level reality.

characters are often really annoying and needy, not only in dialogue but in the increasingly ridiculous and demanding tasks they ask of you. this is intentional. sometimes dying people are annoying and needy; working with the dying can feel like a thankless chore. the game is intentionally trying to cultivate this feeling and it succeeds, but the effect of this is muted because almost everything you do in spiritfarer feels like an annoying chore by the halfway point (which is when the “harder” more annoying characters start to show up) not just the stuff that’s explicitly meant to be.

it feels unfair to criticize the hospice simulator for sometimes feeling like a hospice simulator, but for me it didn’t work; it’s too boring. pathologic 1 and getting over it intentionally nuke their own gameplay for the sake of making an artistic point too but they are challenging; spiritfarer is tedious and time-consuming but never difficult.

i got misty-eyed at a couple of the spirits (goon brothers and the eight year old); with fifteen of them, you are statistically guaranteed to imprint on at least a few of them. there’s enough diversity in their backstories that at least one will remind you of somebody you know in real life who died, and that will probably “get you”. but you are guaranteed to dislike at least some of them too (again, this is sort of the point, but i need not elaborate forever on the weaknesses of “all the bad stuff is actually a subversive narrative choice”). if you play this game for long enough it will start to feel like a conveyor belt for forced, formulaic sadness; like with humor, the audience’s perception of authenticity and spontaneity (whether or not it exists, which it usually doesn’t) is a necessary ingredient for the emotion to hit hard, and i don’t think this game’s formula, especially given for how long it goes on, is good at repeatedly cultivating that illusion. i am in the minority here; every review of this game opens with an extended anecdote about the reviewer’s dead grandma and how this allowed them to finally heal. i want to say that i’m not a hardass at all. i cried just the other day listening to someone defend school days.

how could you fix spiritfarer? i suggest the following:

instead of 15 spirits, do 8 to 10, and give us more substantive time with them. the shark that builds your ships and the fast travel seal with the horn music should also be recruitable (and killable)

in general, tighten the experience as much as possible. shorten and speed up animations, reduce the amount of resources needed to build things and upgrade the ship, replace 100 bad tiny nothing quests with 10 good ones. cut out the many filler islands or combine them with each other. in the last third or fourth of the game, give the player the ability to instantly fast travel anywhere without having to go to the seal bus stops (after you recruit him, obviously). like this review, the game could so easily be cut down, and only to its benefit

marry gameplay and dialogue. as i said, every character has their own collectathon game, and those all go on for way too long anyway; why not have the characters tell you their tragic backstories as you are doing those? this game isn’t voiced but plenty of games have text pop up as you are moving (deltarune, anthology of the killer) and most of those unlike spiritfarer have segments that are possible to actually lose and they still work and players are able to multitask without failure. this would help so much

do not make it possible for the player to only discover the dash ability after completing 95% of the game. i think i just got particularly unlucky but this felt like the game spitting in my face on the way out

have the spirits interact! i mentioned that the goon bros. bully everyone but we never actually see this, it's only told to us via menu status changes. you don't need fire emblem style character relationship stories for every possible combination but a small amount of predetermined events for spirits likely to be on the boat at the same time would have gone a long way in making the game feel more alive. the animated trailer for this game sells the player on the idea of the ship being an interconnected place but basically all the characters are completely isolated from each other mechanically, which was disappointing

fakinhage dlc

spiritfarer is, for a certain kind of person, the best game they will ever play in their life. i’m not that person, but it still came frustratingly close to being a great experience.

i will continue to try things outside of my wheelhouse. next up: gundam.

#spiritfarer #fakinhage

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welcometothejianghu · 1 year ago

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Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 山河令/Word of Honor.

Word of Honor is a 2021 adaptation of a novel by priest that tells the story of two beautiful murderers, their three kids, and their collective attempts to ignore the fetchquest madness that has taken over the rest of the jianghu.

Look, you know what Word of Honor is. Doing a rec for this is like doing my rec for Nirvana in Fire -- I am not introducing you to a new concept. Even if you haven't watched it, you've probably osmosed enough through the rest of Tumblr to have an opinion on it. At this point, if you haven't seen Word of Honor, I'm assuming it's for one of two reasons: either you haven't gotten around to it yet, or you haven't been sufficiently moved by what you've seen fandom do with it.

So I'm going to give you five reasons to watch the show, and they're probably not going to be the reasons you've seen already. Not to say that the other reasons are bad, but you've heard them already, right? What I've got for you are five somewhat more unexpected reasons that may just convince the fence-sitters that this nut-flavored morass of toxic relationships is worth your time.

1. No matter how gay you think it is, it's gayer

Okay, sure, you've probably been given the impression that this show is real gay. But I don't know if you know how gay it is. This show is so gay that we still haven't seen many of the other BL-flavored shows filmed around the same time period or since, because Chinese censorship gay-panicked and locked them all away before they could air, because Word of Honor was just too gay.

Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing (L-R above) are in love. The story does not make sense if they're not. There is no story if they're not. Everything else in the show is set dressing to this incredible adventure story of two horrible people who fall for one another.

Oh yeah, did I mention that they're both bad guys? One's a fascist toddler-murderer and the other's a cannibal mob boss. These two deserve one another, in every possible sense of that phrase. In any other property, they'd be the villains -- and even here, they're still kind of the villains! It's just that the heroes are worse.

What's more, their two actors absolutely understood the assignment. They got the memo. They read the book. No one ever had to sit them down midway through shooting and explain their dynamic. They had it from the table read. When given creative freedom, they chose to double down and make the gay shit even gayer.

But the actors weren't the only ones who knew what they were doing! Everybody working on the production was pretty much in full-on Let's Make A BL mode. There are no gay accidents here. It's so gay that it's actually gayer than the version that aired. If you can do a little lip-reading (though beware of spoilers in those links), you can get at the original filmed version, which had a number of lines that were too homo and/or sexual for Chinese television.

No, they don't kiss. They don't have to. This is the TV version of the tweet about, what's gayer, gay sex or whatever these two have going on? The answer is, whatever these two have going on.

It's so gay that they're not the only gays. No, I'm not going to tell you who the other gays are, in part because spoilers. But trust me, they're there. Lesbians too! And a bisexual elderly polycule! And one pair of hets that we love love love, and most other heterosexuals are creepy and gross. And if that's not an accurate representation of how the world looks to queer people, I don't know what to tell you.

2. Go nuts!

You are not prepared for the product placement.

Word of Honor started off having a budget, so they went ahead and started spending that budget in the way you do when you're making a TV show. Unfortunately, circumstances changed, and their budget became much less, which meant they couldn't keep making that TV show unless they got more dollars. But where to get a sponsor for a fairly low-profile wuxia BL property?

Enter our hero: Wolong Nuts.

I have seen actors do bumper ads in costume for products from their various sponsors, and I have seen actors do bumper ads in character for the same. But the feeling of seeing a modern product diegetically hawked mid-scene by ancient fantasy characters is like none other.

Something like 40% of Word of Honor's total budget came from this nut sponsorship. And here the thing: It worked! It sold nuts! Hell, I’d buy them if they were sold anywhere near me; I like nuts in general, and nuts that support the queers in particular.

I'm including this as a selling point because, come on, it's funny as hell. But it's also a good place to warn you that Word of Honor has what we're politely going to call a spotty use of its funds. Some things, like everyone's outfits and the score, are lavish and beautiful. Other things, like some of the sets and a lot of the CG, are janky and sad. Crowd scenes are thirty humans and a bunch of Blender assets. I've never seen so many fake plastic trees together in one place before. There's a lot of visible hairnets. Like, a lot.

The show was originally planned as being 45 episodes long. It wound up being 36 + a tiny epilogue. That's a huge cut! I’ll say to its credit that you mostly can’t feel the seams; the production team did a heroic job killing their darlings (in many senses) while keeping the narrative coherent. If you know about the original vision, though, you can identify pretty quickly where the excised material should have been. Don’t be surprised when the last two episodes in particular smack you like a hit-and-run.

They blew a truly unwise amount of the budget on costumes in general, and Wen Kexing's costumes in particular, and thank goodness. (@canary3d-obsessed has done a noble job of cataloging everyone's wardrobes, and some of the details are just stunning.) See that red outfit he's wearing there, with the elaborate, delicate embroidery? That apparently took two people literal months to hand-sew. It's a terrible use of limited funds, and I am living for it. Even when Wen Kexing looks awful, he looks stunning -- especially when you put him side by side with Zhou Zishu, who is wearing the jianghu equivalent of slutty yoga pants and a thrift-store dollar-bin t-shirt that says IT'S WINE O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE.

So if, while you’re watching, you’re ever disappointed by the quality of the production in front of you, just console yourself by thinking: That’s nut money, baby.

3. The ghosts (and everyone else) doing the mosts

This is a show that somehow managed to accumulate a tremendous supporting cast of actual grown-ass adults, then had the wisdom to make them play a wide variety of balls-to-the-wall bonkers roles.

You can't throw a rock in a crowd scene without hitting a dozen actors with resumes as long as their arms, who have been acting since before you were born. Apparently they poached a couple veteran film and stage actors from other contemporaneous productions and had them come over to film bit parts on their days off. If you see a character played by an older actor who's getting more lines and face time than you think their character strictly deserves relative to their importance to the plot, and you're like, hm, I wonder if this older actor has a career that includes roles in several dozen other shows and/or stage productions, the answer is yes.

I've seen the tone of the show described as melodramatic, but I don't think that's quite it -- it's more operatic. People speak to the middle distance and play to the back row. Several actors have the body language and line delivery that makes it seem like they're always about three words away from breaking into song. Several of my favorites are downright camp. It's magnificent.

Statistically, everyone in this show is a bad guy. There are the respectable people who don't mean to be bad guys, but wind up being bad guys anyway because they support bullshit systems. There are the morally grey folk who are willing to become bad guys because they think they'll be the good guys when all is said and done. And there are the bad guys who know they're bad guys and are going to chew every piece of scenery in the vicinity about it, so watch out.

My favorite collection of scene-stealing weirdos is probably the clutch of freaks that make up the ghosts of Ghost Valley. They're not actual ghosts -- this is not a supernatural show. They are instead living people who call themselves ghosts because they've found themselves on the margins of society for one reason or another, and have created their own little society! With hookers! And blackjack! And also a little murder, as a treat!

These ghosts are so extra that they actually have a Top Ten List, where all the ones that have code names and specific costumes hang out. How do you get on the Top Ten List? By killing one or more of the people already on it, of course! I told you these guys are villains! They're not even the only villains! They're not even the only villain organization! It's wall-to-wall bad guys around here! And oh my goodness, the actors are clearly having a ball with it.

When the screenwriter came to adapt Faraway Wanderers (the novel) into Word of Honor, she realized that there weren't a whole lot of ladies in the book -- so she invented/adapted some for the show and made most of them sinister! (In fact, if you watch Legend of Fei -- and you should watch Legend of Fei -- you can see a lot of the inspiration for said ladies.) Some of the female characters in the show were men in the book, while others weren't even in the book at all. They all feel organic, though, and not like someone was trying to get Strong Female Character Points. It's the good representation you get when there's a lot of representation, so nobody has to be The Girl, and all the girls can just be people.

...Alas that another casualty of the budget cuts is that several of the lady characters did not get to live up to their full ass-kicking potential. But that potential is still there! The badassery may be implicit instead of explicit, but you don't doubt that many of these women would eat your heart at the slightest provocation, and you would thank them while they were doing it.

This show is perfect food if you're the kind of viewer liable to get sucked up into the worlds of villains, NPCs, bit parts, optional side characters, and other narratives going on outside the main storyline. Because there's a lot going on outside the main storyline. I mean, that's kind of the running joke of the whole novel, that there's this whole complicated political plot happening, and yet our dudes are over here studiously trying to not know what the hell is going on. Obviously that's harder to preserve in a show, but it's still a key feature of the narrative. Most of the Big Power Play What-Not is always happening a few towns over from where the main party is at any given moment. I know people who've watched the drama several times and still can't explain whatever's happening with all that. That's fine. You roll with it for the sake of everything else.

So! Do you like gazing upon delightful character actors and having imagination adventures about the unexplored workings of a bunch of tantalizingly mysterious and often very sexy weirdos? Great! This will keep you busy for a good long while.

4. The juciest pining in the jianghu

I said I wasn't going to tell you about all the gay shit going on here, and I'm not. What I do want to cover, however, is how much gay shit isn't going on here -- and by that I mean just how much of the show's gay longing is unrequited. If you like it when the boy yearns for the other boy, friend, you will feast well tonight.

You have likely already, through fandom, been alerted to the existence of the biggest gremlin in the land and an understandable number of people's favorite character, immortal grandpa Ye Baiyi. What may not have been conveyed, however, is just how tragically gay this bitch is. The ultra-condensed, scrubbed-for-spoilers version of his backstory is that he was in love with a guy who got injured because of him, so he decided to stay and live on a mountain with that guy and the guy's wife and coparent their son with them, all the while never once telling the guy how he felt.

This is not me with slash goggles on. This is canon. Well, okay, the "in love with" part is only confirmed in the book, but Huang Youming, Ye Baiyi's equally gremlin-like actor, has also clearly done the reading and understands how to break your heart with it. Ugh, it's so good.

Shidifuckers, rejoice! Zhou Zishu has Han Ying, his devoted little dumpling who would -- and does -- do anything for him. Back in Zhou Zishu's regrettable (but very fashionable) fascist days, he had a bunch of little underlings; one of them was Han Ying, who still works for the same evil empire. Problem is, Han Ying isn't evil. He was never loyal to his job; he was always just loyal to Zhou Zishu. It's cute the way Wen Kexing hisses like a cat upon meeting Han Ying and immediately identifying him as a rival for Zhou Zishu's affections. If you like OTPs that occasionally roll in a service-top third, please consider that adorable muffin boy up there.

And speaking of quitting your job, have you ever had the problem where you had to orchestrate your own death to get away from your toxic boss who won't stop sexually harassing you, and that motherfucker still expects you to show up for your shift next weekend? Meet Prince Jin, who has refused to accept Zhou Zishu's resignation letter with extreme prejudice.

Zhou Zishu isn't even the only ex he's mad he drove off! But that's just a namedrop in the show; see my bonus selling point for instructions on how to get into that whole gay-ass story. [insert obligatory "Prince Jin is not Helian Yi" disclaimer here]

...Nope, uh-uh, we're not going to get into what's going on with Scorpy. Suffice it to say, this is one of those cases where the show can't outright call a thing gay (though uhhhh it sure can imply a lot of it!), but it can set up an unspoken Gay Bad Idea as a direct, textual parallel with a canon Straight Bad Idea and be like, see? see? Anyway, daddy's boy there has deliciously terrible taste. This is the one that'll have you screaming crying throwing up etc.

And then there's this handsome jackass, who isn't doing the pining, but is the unfortunately heterosexual object of the often confused and misdirected longings of his friends. About the first thing you know about Rong Xuan is that he died before the series begins, so you only see him in a few flashbacks. The precious few times you do, though, you're treated to scenes of him holding court among his besties (many of whom are the spectacularly cast younger versions of major older male characters) while they all wrestle with varying degrees of homo longing for his cocky dreamboat self. You ever wanted to fuck a straight guy so bad you got both him and his wife killed about it? Because somebody in this drama sure has!

I sense you think I'm making this all up, that I'm just a fujoshi looking at the world through rainbow-colored glasses and telling you about her favorite slash pairings. Friend, I am not. Okay, I am being a little cheeky about the last one, but I swear that everything else I have listed in this selling point is about as textual as the show could make it, if not outright straight (ha ha) from the books.

(I have a whole separate theory about how priest herself is a real-life queer, based on how basically everyone in her works is either queer-coded or a token straight who's on thin ice, but that's a subject for a completely different Tumblr post no one's ever going to read, so save us both the time and imagine I already wrote it.)

I cannot stress to you enough how much this show knew what it was doing with the queer stuff. I love how amazingly toxic so much of it is, too, because one of the big themes of the show is that secrets will destroy you and everyone you love. If you have gay longing in a society that forces you to hide that gay longing, yeah, you're going to be extra-vulnerable to making some shitty decisions because of it! You're either going to suffocate yourself by keeping silent, or you're going to open yourself to intimate partner abuse you can't reveal to anyone else, or you're going to do some murders about it! Or some combination of the three! Either way, it's not good!

Also, tell your partner about your chronic health conditions, whether they be Can't Remember My Past, Would Eat A Guy If I Had The Opportunity, Stuck Some Nails In My Chest And Am Now Dying And Also Can't Get A Boner, or Whoops Took The Nails Out Of My Chest And Still Can't Get A Boner. Oh, and tell your partner if you're about to run off and go confront your dangerous ex. And absolutely tell your partner if you're about to fake your own death. Just ... learn to have conversations with the people who love you, okay? Avoid huge amounts of narrative suffering with this one weird trick!

5. Putting his whole Zhang Zhehussy into it

See, Gong Jun (playing Wen Kexing) is not what I'd call a great actor. This is more of a case where you take a guy, you cast him as a character whose motivation can be summed up as "I want to fuck that man in half," and then you cast opposite him a man that the guy in question clearly actually wants to fuck in half. And you let the magic work.

Zhang Zhehan (playing Zhou Zishu), however, legitimately knocks it entirely out of the park. Whenever the camera's on him, it's hard to take your eyes off him. He holds his own in a sea of veteran actors. He can do comedy and tragedy with equal panache. It's lucky he's such a beautiful crier, because Zhou Zishu cries so much. I have never seen someone more perfectly portray the mood of "in love and absolutely furious about it."

As the story goes, when he auditioned, he actually wanted to play Wen Kexing -- but the director told him, look, while you'd be great at that, I can find another Wen Kexing, but I'm never going to find another Zhou Zishu.

Zhou Zishu is bad man who has done terrible things and resigned himself to suffering to atone for his crimes, and he is so mad to find himself at the end of his life suddenly having a reason to keep living. Zhang Zhehan does a pitch-perfect tsundere right up to the point where he breaks. I'm not going to call it an understated performance, because nothing in this show is understated, but it is often times subtle and always complex, and fuck does he have a good crazy grin.

One of the first things you find out about Zhou Zishu is that he's got just a couple years left to live, over which time all his senses are going to deteriorate. In fact, they've already started going. And as the show goes on, you can watch Zhang Zhehan play it so you can tell when he's missed something he should otherwise have picked up on, reacting to noises and touches a split-second late. It's a testament to what a thoughtful job Zhang Zhehan's doing, keeping track of how much of Zhou Zishu has already slipped away.

There are, if you've read the book, legitimate complaints to be made about the adaptation's interpretation of Zhou Zishu's character, and I get that. But you can't say that Zhang Zhehan isn't pulling off exactly what he means to here. I say this too as someone who loves the novel: I think it works. Given the constraints of Chinese television in particular and cinematic adaptations in general, the show made the right choices when it came to figuring out what were the more filmable, actable options, and Zhang Zhehan plays every one of those choices within an inch of his life.

Also did I mention he's like the most beautiful man to ever exist? Holy crap. You're going to be so mad about what they do to his face for the first several episodes.

Don't worry, it washes off eventually.

caveat: Kind of a bummer!

You may have been warned that this one's got a sad ending. Well ... yes and no. On the "no" side of things, there's a "secret" mini-episode 37 that rolls back one of the major points of tragedy. (It's also clearly the first version that got shot, and then they shuffled around and redubbed some material to make the aired end of episode 36.)

But oh man, not all of them. Plenty of characters we love do not make it to the end. Like ... kind of a shockingly large number. Some are dispatched offscreen, some have tragic onscreen deaths, some are probably dead given the circumstances we last see them in, and a couple aren't dead yet but are almost certainly going to be soon.

(It's also kind of a meta-bummer! I mean, I don't recommend falling down the rabbit hole of what happened with Zhang Zhehan's career after the show aired, but tl;dr, it's not great.)

So yeah, it's not an outright pain simulator, and if you've got the mettle for Nirvana in Fire or Guardian, you should be okay here. But hoo boy, don't just blunder on in expecting a cheerful romp from start to finish, because ... yeah. I said it before: This is a story about a bunch of bad guys. Bad guys don't live long lives, nor do the good people who get tangled up in their shit. Just be prepared!

bonus selling point: black and white husbands

Okay, I will tell you who one of the other pairs of gays is. You'll see the two of them show up near the tail end of the show, and then you'll decide you want to know more about what their whole deal is, and then you'll read Qi Ye, which is a novel entirely about gay pining, and then it'll be all over for you.

Ready to wander this way?

There's a number of ways to watch this one! Viki, Netflix, YouTube, and Amazon Prime all have you covered -- but Viki's the only one that has the epilogue at the ready, so I'd go there if you can.

And I get it, if you're enough of an aging hipster that you don't want to play in the same sandbox everybody else is playing in. Believe me, I understand that impulse on a visceral level. After all, this is not a small fandom -- 7718 works on AO3 (at time of writing) isn't Untamed levels of content, but it's nothing to sneeze at. Maybe you want to leave this one for a little while longer, until the hubbub dies down a bit more and people's attention is redirected by a different gay and shiny thing. That's valid. I get it.

But if you do, I still encourage you to get around to it someday. For all its flaws -- and yeah, it's got flaws -- it's a good, solid story that makes you feel lots of feelings about some fascinating characters in some beautiful costumes, running around being real queer (and okay, occasionally straight) to beautiful music. This, to me, is television.

Fun fact! There is also a Japanese dub, if you feel like taking it at that speed, and the guy who voices Zhou Zishu is the voice of Kaworu from Evangelion, and the guy who voices Wen Kexing is the voice of Victor Nikiforov from Yuri on Ice. See what I mean???

I'm telling you, everybody ships it.

#word of honor #山河令 #shan he ling #wenzhou #rec post #i made this #tyk

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ro-is-futile · 4 months ago

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Yellowjackets Siblings HCs:

Siblings are rare in yellowjackets. I think the only characters confirmed to have siblings are Travis (and Javi) and Akilah. And I have to suspend my disbelief a bit because it feels a little unrealistic. I know it's probably for the sake of keeping the narrative as simple as possible— there are a lot of characters and moving pieces already —but it's something that could’ve helped with characterization (in small doses). Like some of the characters definetly read as only children, and others don't. Anyways, here are my HCs for siblings:

Who reads expressly as an only child to me:

Misty

Lottie

Taissa

I think Shauna could read as an only child, but I also see her having a younger brother with an age gap (6-7 years) she's not that close with.

Jackie could also read as an only child, but I see her as an older sister with 2 younger sisters. The way she is with the team definitely reads as older sister. She’s also written as the golden child, which is often how the eldest child is seen, and it might’ve been interesting to see how her younger siblings were affected by their parents’ inability to let Jackie go.

Nat reads like a youngest child to me. I see Nat as having an older half sibling she's not that close with who's her dad’s kid from a previous relationship. I think that feels right for her having tried so many drugs at a relatively young age and her having adult knowledge the other girls lack. Like c'mon, at 17 she's done shrooms and regularly drinks hard liquor-- it's giving older sibling who's not the best influence. The older sibling also doesn't need to be a half sibling, but definitely estranged and no longer lives in the home. She has real bad abandonment issues (evident in her relationship with Travis and her tendency to keep others at an arms length), and this is probably me projecting, but it fits her character to have her abandonment issues stem, in part, from a sibling leaving home to get away from their abusive father and her feeling abandoned and left behind. You see what I'm saying, right?

Van reads as a middle child to me or even a twin/ Irish twin. I also think it reads for her to have a sibling, because she is characterized as very self-sufficient in her adulthood and it makes sense for her to have at least 1 sibling she leans on for support. I'm thinking a sister... Like wdym she's been a total loner for almost two decades, no serious relationships, no close friends?? I think her having a sibling who she's close with (or gotten closer with in adulthood) could explain why she's functioning relatively okay when Tai finds her and hasn't completely crashed out like Nat.

Laura Lee reads as having a bunch of siblings because of her Christian upbringing. Most people I know who were raised devoutly religious have big families, these things go hand in hand. She reminds me of a coworker I had once who was the eldest of 5 kids and devoutly Christian. I know too many Christians (especially Catholics) with big ass families. I see her somewhere in the middle of 4-5 kids or the second eldest. You can also tell from how quick she took to the housework that she's done it before, which reads as her coming from a big family where she’s used to helping out around the home and helping with the younger siblings.

Mari also reads as have siblings to me. Not sure about the configuration because I don’t know her character well enough yet. But I’d like to think she has a sibling who she’s close with, like a sister close in age.

I do think it would’ve been too much to give that many characters siblings. Especially since there’s only 10 episodes a season and they have to squeeze in so much narrative. Like reastically, the only character I think could’ve been given siblings in passing would be Laura Lee because we see so little of her home life. Like maybe a line where she’s like “oh the little ones are probably missing me,” and it’s not dwelled on. And as much as I think Jackie reads as an eldest child/golden child, it would’ve been too busy I think to give her siblings.

#yellowjackets #in the 90s on average people were having 2.5 kids #and i think like 1 in 5 people were only children #i dont know many only children #like real deal only children no half siblings no step siblings no nothing just them #and at first i didnt notice but then once i noticed i was like damn almost every character is an only child here #not a critique of the show btw just thought itd be fun to think abt how some of their traits might reflect sibling configuration #shauna shipman #jackie taylor #natalie scatorccio #laura lee #taissa turner #lottie matthews #oh also i just remembered van’s mother was living with her #i still think the sibling read fits though #i also hate the idea of her having to bury her mother alone #like no please not van 💔

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maidreveon · 7 months ago

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Let's talk about Hakon as a character. I don't have any education or sufficient knowledge in the field of creating a good plot for a work, but my reasoning is based on the knowledge that I have. During the game, Hakon as a character goes a long way (if you save him). At first, he seems to us like a good guy who saved Aiden's life, helps in every possible way. He is cunning, not very honest, but kind. Everything changes when Aiden learns about the scars from Lazarus - it suddenly turns out that our good friend Hakon worked as a double agent for a long time, betrayed a lot of people, and even Aiden felt betrayed because of hiding the truth about Waltz and Mia. From Lawan and Frank, we learn more details about how Hakon betrayed the Nightrunners. Then there is the meeting in the church - I think this is a very important part of his character arc, because it is here that if Aiden does not want to fight him, if he saved him in Villedore, if he gave the TV tower to Frank, we, as an audience, finally learn the truth. Hakon did not have to explain himself, tell how everything was from his point of view, because Aiden is unlikely to believe him after everything that happened, but he tells and really wants to convey his truth. Or maybe he needed to talk to someone. This scene is Hakon's confession. And I always end this mission the way I think is right - I stop Lawan. Hakon found someone who listened to him, who believed him, WHO GAVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE. Gave hope that Hakon can still fix something. Then Hakon comes to Frank - also an important part of his arc, he sees that Aiden did not lie. Frank, it seems to me, has long understood that Hakon was not guilty of the death of the Nightrunners. Frank's reaction to Hakon makes it clear that he has forgiven him. And for Hakon, this is really important, because the death of the Runners weighed heavily on his soul all these long years. Hakon works with Aiden at X13, he even carries Aiden's sister away from the explosion. In one of the endings, Hakon leaves Villedor with Aiden, to the ocean. The end.I always had a feeling of incompleteness. Like something was wrong, something was missing. And I realized what I was missing. Redemption. Hakon had a confession, but not atonement. He admitted his mistakes, admitted his cowardice and was even ready to die, but that was it. But in real life, and in other works, this is not enough. You can't just admit your mistakes, especially such SERIOUS mistakes, and just move on. If this were a movie, I'm sure we would have seen a scene where Hakon shows through his actions that he understands everything, that he has actually started to CHANGE, to improve. I miss that, I want to see Hakon do something that proves he is trying to improve. I don't want him to just suddenly start living a quiet life after so many years of working for Waltz. I think a good option for him would be to face his enemy - Waltz. The man Hakon hates, the man he was forced to work for under threat of death. The one who I'm sure Hakon blamed for what happened to his life. I think what he needs to complete his character arc is at least a short fight with Waltz, for example, when Aiden is injured and needs to be protected, to buy a few minutes, or maybe to distract Waltz while Aiden tries to find a way to disable the missile launch/just save his sister, Hakon can even stand up for Lawan. It doesn't have to be a long fight, Hakon can lose this fight, the important thing is that Hakon was able to overcome his fear of this man. And all the sweet stuff in the form of a serious battle with Waltz and victory over him can be left to Aiden.

Поговорим о Хаконе, как о персонаже. У меня нет какого-то образования или достаточных знаний в сфере создания хорошего сюжета для произведения, но мои рассуждения основаны на тех знаниях, которые у меня есть. Во время игры Хакон как персонаж проходит большой путь(если спасать его). Сначала он представляется нам таким хорошим парнем, который спас жизнь Эйдену, всячески помогает. Он хитрый, не очень-то и честный, но добрый. Всё меняется, когда Эйден узнаёт про шрамы от Лазаря - вдруг оказывается, что наш добрый друг Хакон долгое время работал двойным агентом, предал кучу людей, и даже Эйден почувствовал себя преданным из-за сокрытия правды о Вальце и Мие. От Лоан и Фрэнка мы узнаем больше подробностей о том, как Хакон предал Ночных Бегунов. Затем идёт встреча в церкви - я считаю, это очень важная часть его арки персонажа, потому что именно здесь, если Эйден не хочет драться с ним, если спас его в Вилледоре, если отдал ТВ башню Фрэнку, мы, как зрители, наконец узнаём правду. Хакон не обязан был объясняться, рассказывать, как всё было с его точки зрения, ведь Эйден вряд ли поверит ему после всего, что было, но он рассказывает и правда хочет донести свою правду. А может, ему нужно было кому-то выговориться. Эта сцена - исповедь Хакона. И я всегда заканчиваю эту миссию так, как считаю правильным - останавливаю Лоан. Хакон нашёл того, кто его выслушал, кто поверил ему, КТО ДАЛ ВТОРОЙ ШАНС. Дал надежду на то, что что-то Хакон ещё может исправить. Далее Хакон приходит к Фрэнку - также важная часть его арки, он видит, что Эйден не соврал. Фрэнк, как мне кажется, давно понял, что Хакон не был виноват в гибели Ночных Бегунов. То, как Фрэнк реагирует на Хакона, даёт понять, что он простил его. И для Хакона это действительно важно, ведь смерть Бегунов тяжёлым грузом лежала на его душе все эти долгие годы. Хакон вместе с Эйденом работают в Х13, он даже уносит сестру Эйдена подальше от взрыва. В одной из концовок Хакон уходит из Вилледора вместе с Эйденом, к океану. Конец.У меня всегда было чувство незаконченности. Как будто, что-то не так, чего-то не хватает. И я поняла, чего мне не хватало. Искупления. У Хакона была исповедь, но не искупление. Он признал свои ошибки, признал свою трусость и даже был готов умереть, но на этом всё закончилось. А ведь в реальной жизни, да и в других произведениях этого недостаточно. Нельзя просто признать свои ошибки, причём такие СЕРЬЁЗНЫЕ ошибки и просто жить дальше. Если бы это был фильм, я уверена, мы бы увидели сцену, в которой Хакон показывает своими действиями, что он всё понял, что он действительно начал МЕНЯТЬСЯ, исправляться. Мне не хватает этого, я хочу увидеть, что Хакон делает что-то, что доказывает его старания исправиться. Я не хочу, чтобы он просто так, внезапно начал жить спокойно после стольких лет работы на Вальца. Я думаю, хорошим вариантом для него было бы столкновение с его врагом - Вальцем. Человек, которого Хакон ненавидит, на которого был вынужден работать под страхом смерти. Тот, кого Хакон, я уверена, винил в том, что случилось с его жизнью. Я думаю, для завершения арки персонажа ему не хватает хотя бы короткой драки с Вальцем, например, в момент, когда Эйден ранен и его нужно защитить, выиграть пару минут, а может, отвлечь Вальца, пока Эйден старается найти способ отключить запуск ракет/просто банально спасти сестру, Хакон даже может встать на защиту Лоан. Это не обязательно должен быть долгий бой, Хакон может проиграть в этом бою, важен сам факт того, что Хакон смог перебороть свой страх перед этим человеком. А всё самое сладенькое в виде серьёзной битвы с Вальцем и победы над ним, можно оставить Эйдену.

#dying light 2 #dying light #dl2 #dl2 hakon #aiden caldwell #dying light 2 hakon

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