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miss-conjayniality · 9 months ago

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adhd meltdown over nu’est……….need to vent

NU’EST - a name that brings about a myriad of intense, tumultuous, goosebump-inducing emotions.

look….ima queue this shit cuz the thought of posting it in real time makes me cringe 💀

sigh. i hate getting this vulnerable. it’s uncomfortable. but i have to get this off my chest. it’s been two years since their disbandment. geez. time flies. and let me just tell you, this time of the year is always so sentimental to me. it hurts. it’s also when my adhd dives into extreme hyperfixation mode for them. no group (except for seventeen and skz) can invoke such feelings from me like nu’est does.

while I can still enjoy their music with love and gratitude even post-disbandment, there are rare occasions where i have to avoid listening to their music because it’s too painful to think of how it all ended. about what could’ve been.

i’ve been a DEVOUT nu’est stan since their debut in 2012 (alongside seventeen in 2013). i saw their peaks and troughs. and it feels like not only did i watch them grow, but also grew up with them.

and no i’m not saying this in a weird, creepy parasocial way. but genuinely in the sense that i’ve been listening to them since i was just a wee little middle schooler. their music, as well as numerous other groups from that era, served as the background music to my life.

thank you nu’est. thank you so much for filling my adolescence with insurmountable happiness during a phase in my life where I was clueless and insecure. thank you for being a source of comfort during my lowest periods. thank you for showing me the importance of grit and not letting a rock bottom phase hinder me from going after what I desire. thank you for helping me find solace in a community of fellow loves whom I still speak with to this day after all these years. and even though it’s been two years since the disbandment, it’s also been 12 years (wtf….no way) since the debut. and i WILL continue enjoying your music from years on out because it transcends time. it will always be a source of comfort and solace for me.

and even though I don’t truly wish to go back to the past, I will always cherish and respect the memories I held with your discography. and even though ot5 is no more, it’ll always be ot5 in my heart. forever and beyond.

every era evokes different eras of my own life - face, action, and hello from when I was just beginning middle school, sleep talking from when i was entering 8th grade. re:birth being released on my 15th birthday 🥺. their string of cringey japanese releases from when i was about to begin high school.

and of course, that segues into my next tangent - q is and beyond. during their inception, they had one of the most viewed debuts of their time and had a promising trajectory. face, action, and hello were all well-received. but then they fell into nugudom after sleep talking. and this was their first korean cb after 2 years. I remember rejoicing in happiness when q is came out. i remember listening to it on the way to my first period english class with my headphones and then continuing listening to it during our silent reading sessions lmao 😭💀. I cried happy tears and voted obsessively for them when they were promo-ing on music shows. they never won. but I was still happy and grateful they were back nonetheless. fast forward to later that year and they came back with an amaaazziingg fall album that i always come back to every september - canvas. this album was a source of comfort for me during that turbulent period coughs….the 2016 election…and when I started taking college classes in high school

we absolutely CANNOT talk about nu’est without discussing broduce 101. this absolute dumpster fire of a show tested my patience so much. I remember being PISSED when intl fans weren’t allowed to vote this season because I wanted to support my boys the same way I supported the pledis girlz who’d soon become p-…p….pristin….but that’s a tangent for another day daahhllliinnggss🥴🥴… i was so unhinged too that I even watched it during class sometimes LMAOOO HELP this is so hilarious to look back at😭💀

anyways I felt that this was simultaneously the best and worst season of p101 ever. most of the contestants were amazing and went on to release some gooood music afterwards. but good fucking god mnet tugged at my heartstrings wayyy too hard. I couldn’t stand it. as someone who is also a dedicated predebut carat, I also watched it for my baby samuel 🥺😢 mnet did both nu’est and sammy so dirty.

I remember the p101 s2 finale so vividly. I remember it like it was yesterday. I promised myself I wouldn’t peek at any social media that day but during lunch break i ACCIDENTALLY opened twitter and the moment I saw the spoilers, tears immediately made their way to my eyes. it broke my heart so bad. that entire day I was a fucking mess trying to make it through my last three classes of the day. the moment I got home, the first thing i did was lock myself in the bathroom and cry for an hour. I then cried even more in the shower.

it hurt me so bad seeing minhyun sobbing like that. the way jr still had the biggest smile on his face with happy tears for minhyun despite not making it into wanna one’s lineup still tests my sanity.

and the final straw? seeing the camera panning to seungcheol’s somber expression and samuel’s parents. and good fucking grief…….I cannot even imagine how seungcheol must’ve felt. I don’t think I could ever fathom the level of sorrow he felt at that very moment. for both nu’est and samuel. seeing all of his former colleagues that he himself grew up with being used as mere pawns by mnet. even after all these years, I still have to hold back tears whenever I dwell on this moment.

luckily that sorrow was soon followed by joy. when they created nu’est w as a workaround for minhyun’s year at wanna one, I was elated to see how successful they were doing on the charts and the way yEoBoSaYoOoO never dies🤣💀

where you at. deja vu. help me. all solid title tracks with immaculate b-sides to top it all off. ahhh. what a breath of fresh air the nu’est w era was. seeing them finally have their redemption after years of ridicule. and look….as much as I adored wanna one, part of me couldn’t wait until minhyun was finally back with nu’est sjsjsjsjsk😭

And when that moment came? OOOOOOF OMG!!!! I cannot stress ENOUGH how much I love happily ever after!!!! WHAT A COMEBACK ALBUM THAT WAS!!! NOT A SINGLE FUCKING SKIP! I still enjoy listening to it. it was an era that showed that they’re finally back in full force.

I felt that this era reflected nu’est in their fullest, highest form. THIS is who nu’est is! THIS is what their music sounds like! THIS is their image. if I were to introduce nu’est to anyone, I’d show them this album first.

later that year, they released the table and a string of songs with spoonz. such an underrated era tbh. not as strong as happily ever after was. but BOY OH BOY these guys KNOW how to drop a solid disco style song. love me is suuuch an ear worm that deserves more appreciation tbh.

and can we talk about THEEEE fucking NOCTURNE!?!?? OH MY GOODNESS WHAT AN ERA!!!! I’m in trouble is one of my fav title tracks next to bet bet. not even joking. reason being is coz as a britney stan, it really reminds me of oops I did it again lmaooo. moondance is one of my fav nuest b-sides EVERRR! AND THE WAY IT WAS PRODUCED BY JC CHASEZ FROM NSYNC TOO!?!??? I never expected to see my worlds colliding like this. just to clarify, I have a love-hate relationship and one-sided beef with nsync because of what justin did to britney. JC DESERVED BETTER! HE DESERVED WHAT J*STIN GOT!!! AGGGH but that’s a tangent for another day daahhlliinnggsss……..😪🤐

the nocturne really comforted me during the pandemic. during this point in time, I remember thinking “wow. it’s been 8 years. and even through this moment of global darkness, they’re still going strong and bringing light to their fans”.

a year later, they released their 2nd full album and their first release under the hybe acquisition and a week before drunk-slayed🥰what a slayful month april was. inside out wasn’t my absolute fav title track but I definitely found it to be a refreshing spring anthem. AND i llooovvee me some nu’solos 🤌🏼🤌🏼

i remember hearing about the news of NU’EST’s disbandment and going WHAT!?!??? it was as if I IMMEDIATELY felt my world turning upside down. I was in the middle of studying for finals AND wrapping up my internship. it was stressful already. i also went on a cold turkey social media fast. BUT I accidentally opened youtube and it threw off my whole vibe when studying for my exams.

I felt like a fucking wreck. It wasn’t until after that shitstorm was over when I actually checked out needle and bubble (lazy ass album thanks to hybe) and sobbed THEEEE absolute UGLIEST tears ever.

it broke my heart to see hybe disbanding nu’est like at the drop of a hat because they were JUST having their second career glory. they threw all of NU’EST’s hard work down the drain. and it’s disappointing because we could’ve seen more nu’enha and nu’txt interactions (living off my very few minhyun and baekho crumbs since they’re still under hybe) 😢 we could’ve seen them and seventeen together being big brothers to the youngsters and witnessed what would’ve been the sweetest, most wholesome interactions ever. sigh. the very few nu’enha and nu’txt interactions that exist are the crumbs I will madly eat.

NU’EST’s lore/backstory is what makes them iconic. and it’s amazing how even to this day they STILL inspire “nugu” idols to get a second chance and redeem themselves. no other group has the story nu’est does and that’s also another reason I respect them so much. what they’ve accomplished is not an easy feat. and their persistence in keeping their dreams alive actually inspires me to keep going in life even when I’m at my lowest. nu’est may be ‘disbanded’, but their story lives on and will continue to inspire and motivate others.

thank you aaron. thank you jr. thank you baekho. thank you minhyun. thank you ren.

thank you nu’est.

#q ♡ : spotted! a peek inside heidi’s queuetique #heidi’s tangents ♡#BRUH….😭 not my rant being the length of a whole ass FANFIC💀#embarrassing….#well???#that’s adhd hyperfixations for ya!!🤪#and that’s also adhd tangents for ya!!!!#nu’est #nuest #minhyun #hwang minhyun #baekho #nuest ren #nu’est ren #nu’est jr #nuest jr #aaron kwak

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auradon-bore-a-don · 1 year ago

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Hi! You're on my Bingo card, and this is such a great opportunity to delve into new fandoms! Tell me about Daphne, when did the Radcliffes have her, who does she take after, and what are her thoughts on Cruella?

Hello! Glad I can introduce you to a new fandom!

To give you some backstory on Descendants: Belle and the Beast have been crowned the sole royalty of the United States of Auradon - a world where all the classic Disney stories have merged sort of Pangea like. They rounded up all the villains, both dead and alive at the end of their movies, and moved them to the Isle of the Lost where they live in horrible conditions. Fast forward 20 years where the children of the villains are given a chance to come to Auradon and live normal lives. Of course, their parents have given them a mission to steal the Fairy Godmother's wand and breakdown the magical barrier that surrounds the Isle so the villains can take their revenge. So the VK's (villain kids) will need to choose to follow in their parent's footsteps or to be good.

I'm still working on my exact timeline of events, both prior and post the wedding, but for me, the end of 101 Dalmatians happened before the wedding. Roger and Anita found out they were pregnant at the same time as Pongo and Perdida. Anita gave birth to a baby boy, Daphne's brother RJ. I imagine raising 101 dogs, mostly all puppies and a baby to be decently difficult. It took Roger and Anita quite a few years to get the Dalmatian farm up and running and to get to a place in their lives where they were ready to have another child. They had Daphne 4 years after Belle and Beast's wedding, a full 8 years after her brother was born, making her 16 years old during the events of the first movie.

It's hard to choose just one parent Daphne takes after most. I like to think she's a bit of a combination of the two - she has Roger's love of music and plays the piano, much to his delight, as well as a love of books from Anita, as I headcanon her to be an author as we don't know what she does in the movie. She also has her dad's sense of humor, much to her mother's chagrin. Daphne will stand up for anybody she thinks is being wrong, making her a fierce friend as well as a caring one. One of her flaws however, is that she tends to put those relationships above herself and will try to make other's happy before she is happy herself. One example of this being her crush on Ben, when he and Audrey, Aurora's daughter, get together it hurts, but she would rather they be happy together than hurt either of them by admitting her feelings.

Like most kids in Auradon, Daphne has grown up on stories about the villains living on the Isle. Her father has always been very vocal about his dislike of Cruella and while Roger and Anita try to not talk about her in front of Daphne, it's hard not to know about what happened when it's taught in your history class. Especially when she was young, Cruella was a sort of boogeyman figure for Daphne. She used to be extremely afraid that she would come back and take the Dalmatians away. As she grew up, Daphne's realized that Cruella is just a person, a mean and cruel person, but a person all the same. Daphne may not like Cruella but she's not afraid of her anymore.

Thanks for the ask, I answered this on my lunch break and it took way longer than I expected lol so I'll answer your other asks when I get home!

#ocb2023 #oc creator bingo #my oc: daphne radcliffe #descendants oc #my ocs

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sadhu88 · 26 days ago

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The Personal Agenda I (Part 1)

Hello, all! I thought I'd share this with you. I have had a plan for my life since about the year 2006, which I developed after I graduated from Harvard University in 2005 (class of 2002). I used to call it The Plan then I called it The Agenda/The Agenda I, and now it is called The Personal Agenda I. So far, I have developed two Personal Agendas - The Personal Agenda I and The Personal Agenda II. I am actually immortal (I have the genes for it), even though I am trying to achieve immortality. In fact, all that talk of anti-aging and immortality you see out there? That's because of me. So, the personal agendas are what to do with my life. I'm not sure if I'll ever stop creating them. So far, the stuff to do in each agenda lasts a long time. The documents are not perfect. They are still a work in progress. But, I have refined them over and over again throughout the years, culimating in these masterpieces. Here is part one of The Personal Agenda I, for your viewing pleasure:

The Agenda 1

1) Keep my benefits; Have my apartment at Midtown Apartments; live there until I make a move to Burlington, VT; do the following while living at Midtown Apartments: give Bowdoin College $3 trillion; spend three weeks @:

2750 Little Annie 2750 Little Annie Aspen, Colorado, 81611 United States

From <https://www.gifthero.com/items/a9aa8690-8cc9-4ad4-9c0a-5efae83d2410>

(buy and spend this time there); donate to all the world’s museums enough to keep them going during re-coded time (how much? $800 trillion each); give $500 million to PCS Music Friends; give $500 billion to World Medical Relief, donate $500 billion to The Africa-America Institute; donate $500 billion to Anera; go to https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/52288428?adults=1&category_tag=Tag%3A8661&children=0&infants=0&search_mode=flex_destinations_search&check_in=2023-01-15&check_out=2023-01-20&federated_search_id=2861a038-d552-4fd2-8183-205f336825d2&source_impression_id=p3_1683415977_V8O9VD1Y0nouODQ1 for two weeks and do the activities that accompany this AirBnB, kept by a Superhost; buy this property: https://www.sothebysrealty.com/eng/sales/detail/180-l-2112-yrmqhc/ibiza-bi-07839 and set up staff houses for and get up and running and set up a centralized executive staff office to run this, as planned (see notes); buy this: https://www.luxuryrealestate.com/residential/1804934#1 and set up staff houses for and get up and running (run through central, executive staff office); donateto the world’s businesses as much as I thihnk they need to survivethrive according to which businesses I think should survive re-coded time for the planet; it’s not like if I want to replace them with my own businesses or other people’s businesses, that I can’t trump them simply with the amount of money; move to Burlington, VT; do The Natural Hygiene Routine: Terressentials shampoo for body wash

Terressentials shampoo and conditioner for shampoo/conditioner; buy 101 houses all over the world and staff with staff employed at local office spaces, with separate office space for a professional kitchen -- Seattle, Portland, Olympia, WA, Lake Tahoe, Berkeley, Marin County, Haight-Ashbury, L.A., La Jolla, Albuquerque, Aspen, Santa Fe, Miami, Asheville, NC; Dulles Square, Washington, D.C.; Georgetown, D.C., Middleburg, VA; Ithaca, NY; Russell, NY; Ogdensburg,

NY; Potsdam, NY; Canton, NY; NYC Greenwich Village; NYC Manhattan; Bisbee, Montana; Vancouver, Canada; Burlington, VT; Cambridge, MA Brattle Street; Boston, MA; Provincetown, MA;

Paris, France; Monaco; Southern France; Tuscan countryside, Italy; Ibiza, Spain; Barcelona, Spain; South

Africa; Chartres, France; Nogent-le-Rotrou, France; Berlin, Germany; Geneva, Switzerland; Black Forest,

Germany; Swiss Alps, Switzerland; Budapest; Dublin; Edinburgh; London; Wales; Buenos Aires; Costa

Rica; Brazil; Montreal, Canada; Ottawa, Canada; Acapulco, Mexico; Maui, Hawaii; Honolulu, Hawaii;

Mauritius; the Bahamas; Turks & Caicos; private island in The Carribean; private island in the Greek

Isles; Athens, Greece; Tokyo, Japan; Sydney, Australia; Melbourne, Australia; Auckland, NZ;

Queenstown, NZ; Hong Kong; Phuket, Thailand; Taipei, Taiwan; Vienna, Austria; Andorra; Prague;

Poland; Amsterdam, Sweden, Portugal, Moscow, Finland, the British Virgin Islands; the English

countryside; Chile; Panama, Uruguay, Peru, Croatia; Israel; the United Arab Emirates; the Hamptons; the

Phillipines; Malibu; Vail, CO; Kyoto, Japan; Brussels, Belgium, Provence, France; Bordeaux, France;

Loire Valley, France; castle in France; penthouse in Manhatttan; and a castle in the Irish countryside; get a passport from and citizenship with every country in the world through Tools for Freedom; get translators for each house, as needed... a staff of them for me when I’m there... have staff, otherwise, be bilingual (as needed; e.g. don’t need bilingual staff in Ireland); private jet – Boeing the best on the market for international travel – interior customized according to my specifications with all the amenities possible that want; hire aviation expert to take care of my private plane;do ayahuasca in Italy; do San Pedro in Peru; do iboga root in Costa Rica x 1; do magic mushrooms where legal x 1; smoke marijuana where legal x 1; smoke hash where legal x 1; eat pot and hash edibles where legal x 1; try natural DMT where legal x 1; smoke salvia divinorum -- check; drink kava kava in the South Pacific x 25;

take peyote where legal x 3; get a megayacht, biggest available and customized to my specifications; Design The big Houses in their entirety before building; after this, build all The Big Houses I plan to build, depending on how many amenities I can put on each property (I.e. -- not all of it? --> build it elsewhere); Buy all the yoga books on the market; Have a high-end wardrobe; Smoke two bowls of tobacco to recover from hunger (2/2 -- check) -- check; Smoke 500 bowls of tobacco to catch up on sleeping (400/500 -- check); Keep family heirlooms; keep a receipt file of all the info/receipt(s)/warranty info that a purchase comes with; eat 6 meals/day; try eating 6 feasts/day in Burlington x 2 days (just have the spread; have the feast; the point is the feast; I don’t have to eat or drink it all); actually, change all my 6 meals/day to feasts and leave most of it (fill up the table); drink all day long in Burlington 5x - alcohol optional; eat and drink all day long in Burlington 3x; feast (both food and drinks) all day long once in Burlington 3x; 100 tsp. Of Azomite mineral powder to catch up on sleep (21/100 -- check); provide 6 feasts a day, catered, for all my staff members’ meals while working (switch up the catering as staff gets sick of/have another staff prepare it/give restaurant food and drinks; this is for all my staff); feast all day long and all night for 3 days once can afford it at Midtown; smoke 300 bowls of marijuana to catch up on sleep (0/300 --check), 500 bowls of marijuana to catch up on exercise, 10,000 bowls of marijuana to catch up on meditation, 10,000 bowls of marijuana to catch up on food, 4 million bowls of marijuana to catch up on oxygen, 4 million bowls of marijuana to catch up on swimming, 5 million bowls of marijuana to catch up on de-stressing, and 4 million bowls of marijuana to catch up on mountain climbing; also, using a watch, canoeing, and paddling; basically everything -- total: 500 billion and 300 to catch up on psychedelics; use personalized Bics -- Che picture, Timothy Leary picture, Bob Marley picture, etc.; Pay for anti-virus software for my computers and run; make all my houses have communal spaces or, at least, houses with guest bedrooms and/or room for other people; have bungalows in locations where can have bungalows + to this plan -- explore amenities/ideas for; do some famous things online -- advertise my books and my playlists on social media, publish The Budget, The Plan, other documents?

Full-body lotion

Do the Dishes

Do Laundry

Make money online

Do The Schedule once totally through

Watch 5 movies

Watch 5 documentaries

Watch live TV for 5 hours

Surf Infowars

Listen to the radio for 5 hours

Read 100 books and mark as read in my notes

Make a list for keeping track of the books I’ve read and the movies I’ve seen and the documentaries I’ve seen

Watch 100 documentaries/movies on Gaia.com

Watch 5 full TV series on Gaia.com

Watch 5 full TV series

Watch 5 episodes of TV shows on Hulu

Watch 5 full sporting events -- boxing, U.F.C., other interesting sports

Do every leisure activity item 5x over

Catch up on my online video games

Shop for 25 hours

Do Habit Tracker completely for 1 day

Familiarize myself completely with my apps

Make 2 music playlists and share

Catch up on social media

Look at the latest trends

Look at what’s new in 2021, including new movies and documentaries and music

Check out the award show winners for the past 5 years

Look at the trends for 2021

Celebrate the pagan holidays for 2021 - check

Look up the remaining day celebrations and holidays for every country for 2021 - check

Look up the remaining day celebrations and holidays for every country for 2023

Surf White House, NY state, and North Country news

Surf international news

Research Che Guevara and look up his shopping stuff, and Crazy Horse, and Camilo Cienfuegos, and Timothy Leary

Go on Amazon for 5 hours

Go through my bookmarks for 5 hours

Look for a sleep diary app

Look for an eating diary app Keep a receipt file of all the info/receipt(s)/warranty info that a purchase comes with; eat 24 meals/day; feast for 20 days; eat 6 feasts/day for 6 days in Burlington; eat 10 feasts/day for 2 days in Burlington, 2 separate days apart from each other; eat all day long in Burlington 5x; use financial planning and financial advice and financial advisers and stock investing advisers and mutual fund advisers and have an accountant; drink all day long in Burlington 5x; eat and drink all day long in Burlington 3x; feast (both food and drinks) all day long once in Burlington 3x; eat and drink all day long like a party in Burlington 3x; throw a solo party and eat and drink all day long 3x in Burlington; feast all day long and all night for 3 days once can afford it at Midtown; smoke 3000 bowls of marijuana to catch up on sleep, 500 bowls of marijuana to catch up on exercise, 10,000 bowls of marijuana to catch up on meditation, 10,000 bowls of marijuana to catch up on food, and 5 million bowls of marijuana to catch up on de-stressing, and 4 million bowls of marijuana to catch up on oxygen, and 4 million bowls of marijuana to catch up on oxygen, and 4 million bowls of marijuana to catch up on swimming, and 4 million bowls of marijuana to catch up on mountain climbing; total: 300 million; also, using a watch, canoeing, and paddling; basically everything -- 500 billion -- and 300 to catch up on psychedelics (goes before in the list); get 2 private planes -- best; station a private plane in every “1st-world” country in the world; brush my teeth, use mouthwash, take a shower, floss my teeth, use feminine soap, and use a tongue scraper as desire; look up Orbi Analytics; look up places online to study and get degrees and take courses -- e.g. A.S.U. online; eat all day long; make Real Estate Options -- the product; use natural pens with eco-ink; use unbleached, biodynamic paper made from the best wood for paper-making; have an indoor and outdoor, oxygenated pool and indoor and outdoor hot tubs at each of my houses, as possible; do the rotational diet thing I designed: The Carnivore Diet, The Wise Traditions Diet, etc.; move to the Burlington area and buy multiple houses in the area and an apartment and a loft and a log cabin in the woods and some land for forest bathing (?) w/ a fire pit/pagan circles and land with a private beach and room for rituals and pagan ceremonies and a fire pit; get all the premium, computer upgrades stuff

I hope you enjoyed this. This agenda is very long, so there will be many posts to follow!

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austincharcoal · 1 year ago

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OCTOBER 2023 MEDITATION LOG

this was inspired by an assignment in my english 101 class. it prompted us to watch/read some mainstream articles/vids about meditation and try meditating for 3 days in a row, then write about it.

Fri, Sep 29 1:05am Watched the Light Watkins TedX video. Interest was piqued when he said that meditation brings a deeper rest than is possible in sleep. Then he went on and on about the difference in biological age when you meditate. Excited to try more rigorous meditation schedule. Meditated 1:35-1:45am, was really nice. Came close to falling asleep a couple times, I am very tired. Felt grateful to be living in the city hearing rain sounds on the street.

Sat, Sep 30 9:01pm Took a break from anatomy notes & electronic music to meditate 10 mins. Had a hard time keeping my mind off [redacted]. The things that were difficult then would be easier now that I’ve matured and relaxed a bit. But [redacted].

Sun, Oct 1 10:38am Tried to do 10 min meditation during AA meeting but had to poop after like 4 mins. Did 10 full mins after meeting ended. It’s easier in the mornings, but I can feel I have lost the groove to a large degree. Still, morning meditation is simpler. By the evening my brain is usually in full pleasure-seeking mode. Mornings I’m usually reeling a bit from soreness and stiffness.

Mon, Oct 2 8:45pm Did 10 mins sitting up. It’s wild how my body is aware that it’s tired but my mind ignores it, until I try to meditate sitting up and have to fight off sleep over and over. Maybe I should turn in early tonight. When I was awake, I was releasing thoughts about food and women, as usual. Laughed a bit to myself remembering how excited [redacted] was to find the “hidden veggies” pasta recipe on TikTok.

Tue, Oct 3 1:19pm Late start today. Brewed coffee then laid down to meditate before drinking it. Lot of sexy thoughts bouncing around! Hard to bring my racing mind down today. Probably because I didn’t sleep well. This is somehow becoming both a mediation and a sleep log.

Wed, Oct 4 9:40am 10 min meditation during morning meeting.

Thu, Oct 5 12:28pm Had been sinking into phone-greyout, scrolling haze, absolute oblivion, and needed a break. 10 min meditation was the only thing that could work. Counted breaths for most of the 10 mins, after english prof. explained during class that counting breaths is the important part of '20 breaths' meditation. It def helped during 10 min meditation. Leg pain was distracting so toward the end started stretching a bit. Feel refreshed and ready to sit down for some studying before work.

Fri, Oct 6 11:52am Watched the Andy Puddicombe Ted Talk. I liked his analogy about knowing you have a loose tooth and continuing to mess with it even though you’re in pain. Meditated for 10 mins. Feel less overwhelmed about how many things I need to do this afternoon. I’m calmer and more apt to work through them in an organized manner without resorting to distractions. Thought about what to say to [redacted], thought about doing dishes and stretching and listening to new Drake album and taking anatomy notes and making a doctor’s appointment. Tried to recenter and focus on breaths a few times.

Sat, Oct 7 10:30am Meditated during morning meeting.

Sun, Oct 8 9:51am Meditated during morning meeting. Thought about my plans for the day (going to NYC to have dinner with my aunt), thought about my mom and my grandma, thought about the family counselor Dr. Prakash who taught me to meditate in 4th grade. Used breath counting to help 'let go' of thoughts and return to quiet mind.

Mon, Oct 9 9:50am Meditated during morning meeting but was kinda drifting in and out of sleep.

8:45pm Went to [redacted]. It got kinda intense but [redacted]. Decided to decompress by meditating together for 10 minutes. It was beautiful and memorable.

Tue, Oct 10 2:10pm Read ½ of NYT meditation article then set 10 min timer to meditate. Lots of thoughts running through my head, I can be so obsessive about personal stuff. Was good to have a break from that, even though I didn’t really want the break, I wanted to keep obsessing. Post-break though, I feel better. Body is really sore since I’ve gotten 17k steps, two days in a row. So before the 10 mins were up I got out of my chair and started doing some stretches with eyes closed. Love combining stretches and closed eye meditation. Definitely feel better now, and my 'mindfulness muscle' is getting a tiny bit stronger each day. I find it easier to return to the centered calmness of counting breaths.

Wed, Oct 11 Didn’t meditate

Thu, Oct 12 10:47am Meditated 10 mins after morning meeting. Really out of the groove today but tried to just count 100 breaths. Thought about chopping wood for work, about sex, about being messy in romantic relationships, about stretching after meditation, about the kid in my math class who seems to be following along better than anyone else.

Fri, Oct 13 Didn’t meditate

Sat, Oct 14 9:45am Meditated during morning meeting.

Sun, Oct 15 2:01pm Took a break from studying anatomy to meditate. Was sort of fighting off sleep part of the time. Said simple prayers to ask for God’s will to be done, and to discover what that will is. Prayed also for a loving and generous spirit in my heart.

Mon, Oct 16 11:00pm Meditated 10 mins after looking at Twitter/Reddit for ~3 hours. I think I need to try 15 or 20 minute meditations because sometimes I find myself totally distracted and overstimulated for more than half of a 10 minute meditation. That was the case this time. At some points I opened my eyes and just stared at the wall to keep from thinking about downtown Montreal, or applying to a Master’s program in 5 years, or how I had a bad attitude at work the other day.

Tue, Oct 17 12:14pm Been feeling emotionally unhinged lately, lowkey lashing out at people. Trying to redirect. Meditation is a good starting place. Meditated 10 minutes and had to stop myself over and over from planning out my day. How much time will I spend in the restaurant working on prep? How much time on schoolwork? Will I have time to pick up a cleaning project? Could I meditate for 10 minutes on the clock? Who will I see there and what will the vibe be when I talk to them? Used breath counting to reel in some of the thoughts. Asked God for help. I have a long way to go toward being centered, organized, disciplined. Please, God, help me make some progress today.

Wed, Oct 18 Didn’t meditate

Thu, Oct 19 10:30am Meditated in morning meeting. Feel at peace with my life, with who I am and where I’m at, with my propensity for anxiety, for mistakes, for seeing things through a distorted lens. I’m gonna keep learning and I’m gonna be okay.

Fri, Oct 20 10:30am Meditated in morning meeting. Had trouble staying quiet mentally. In the meeting we talked about the 'confusion' that exists without a spiritual connection. Thought about how meditation and confusion are like exact opposites. Lot of confusion and noise for me lately. Meditation must be one of the main solutions. Not just meditation but a meditation practice. Prayer as well, I need more of that. Talked about meditation with my sponsor later. He recommended I try the 'toes-to-head' meditation.

Sat, Oct 21 9:00am Made coffee then meditated for 10 mins before meeting.

9:45am Meditated for 10 mins in morning meeting. It felt good to get more time in. Would like to do one longer session but 10x2 was easy and felt very calming.

Sun, Oct 22 9:30am Set a timer and laid on yoga mat to meditate for 10 minutes. Said a prayer for my mom and grandma, who are going through a difficult time. Had to keep returning to baseline as I kept fantasizing about sex with [redacted], who I’ve been texting. Sex is a constant refrain for my tired brain, I think I’m subconsciously convinced that there’s some simple relief there. But intellectually I know it’s never that simple, relationships are complicated and usually come with more stress than being single. Important to talk myself down from these underlying desires.

Mon, Oct 23 Didn’t meditate. Busy day, but I think I need to start finding more time. It’s possible to replace some of my phone-scrolling time with meditation every day, sometimes I just don’t do it. This log is helping me stay accountable and showing me what I need to change to meditate more.

Tue, Oct 24 12:45pm Meditated 10 mins laying on yoga mat. Was really able to start calm with deep breaths, maybe because I was laying down. Often I start with a hectic mind and try to calm it for the first 5 mins.

Wed, Oct 25 10:30am Didn’t meditate? Can’t remember

Thu, Oct 26 11:45am Meditated 10 mins. Sick with a cold, hopefully not worse. Did not want to meditate but do feel a bit better

Fri, Oct 27 9:48pm Meditated 8 mins. Got antsy during the last two. Feeling very baby because the cold is actually a flu or something. Lots of schoolwork to do before tomorrow night. Trying to stay calm and not get overwhelmed.

Sat, Oct 28 8:15pm Meditated 10 mins which led to me napping for another 30. Very ill but still going to work and studying. Sad!

Sun, Oct 29 Did not meditate. Walked for 2 hours listening to an old interview with Brad Phillips, he talked a lot about 12 step program, psychedelic drug experiences, Zen vs. Tibetan Buddhism. Helpful for pondering meditation and how to consider it in my life.

Mon, Oct 30 10:45am Meditated 10 mins after morning meeting. Health is improving slightly. Trying to spend the day doing work, chores, service to others, or meditative things like prayer, listening to spiritual talks, walking. Trying to leave alone the chaotic, noisy things that are really perpetuating my discomfort and dissatisfaction.

Tue, Oct 31 2:03pm Meditated 10 mins after writing for English class, before going for a walk and calling my sponsor. Turns out I had covid. At least it's almost over. Same with October. What's next.

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jamiegeode · 2 months ago

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Dear lord. Going through my drafts after forever I’m so sorry man-

Omg!!! Corvids are awesome dude!!! And YOOO the journal!!!! All the details are so fun!! AND OMG KITTY AND I LOVE YOUR COMPUTER BACKDROP.

Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond lol. I ended up talking a lot. Like ‘I’m writing a letter to an old friend who I haven’t written to in ages’ a lot. So. To ze readmore lol

Over the summer I got a job working with little kids in a sorta-daycare!! It was super fun, except the days when we were understaffed and got like. 13 kids ranging from ‘just old enough for their parents to put them in daycare’ and ‘rambunctious 5-year-old who might run into a wall face-first to try to knock their teeth out.’ Those days were still fun they were just stressful as heck too.

Since then I’ve started college! I’m on week 5 I think? When people say your life gets busy in college they MEAN IT. I love all my classes, except one of my two gen eds, and that one it’s more like. I find it interesting but I’m not in love with it. It’s like old philosophy, Aristotle and Sophleces and shit, and while they can be very deep and insightful and that get my gears turning, they are from an era where women were essentially property? And you can kinda tell at times. But one of the plays we read in class actually reflected it much more tastefully (in comparison. Still got issues.)

Geography however? It’s SO MUCH cooler than I thought. It’s not just maps and history. It’s those things, plus EVERYTHING. It’s modes of transport, it’s goods, it local vs country vs global culture, it’s literally everything to do with why people do things or view things a certain way, and it’s. Gods it’s so fucking cool and we’re only on chapter 2.

My other three classes are art-centric, two in the actual arts building and one in the digital/technological arts floor of another building. And to be honest, it’s kinda been the best time of my life?

Like to start I’m loving all my classes. Apparently I’m like already a bit ahead in some ways? People had a surprising amount of good to say and surprisingly little suggestions during our critique in drawing 101? And I’m not the best in 2D design but it’s so fun and no one seems annoyed when I ask questions about stuff!! Which is a win for certain!!

And then in digital foundations—I feel like a fish that lived on land and only just found out what water is. I mean fuck adobe’s AI scraping and I wish it weren’t one of the standard foundational digital tools, but holy shit. Vectors. I can do so much more. Like I’m still working on pixel canvases when I draw by hand and I’m still needing to figure out which vector based canvases are available and which I want to use, so hand drawn stuff’s still pixel-y. But when you’re working with vectors nothing gets pixelated and it is SO beautiful

And then there are so many people who are so ok with me being loud and stimmy and excited about stuff? And that’s near all the time, instead of just in theatre after school? I mean. Obviously I still gotta quiet down during lectures and shit, but it’s so much more engaging, and I’m allowed to keep my hands busy!!

and oh my god studio time in art classes is so much more amazing when it’s a solid 2-3 hours and you’re allowed to get up and move around to stretch or find a different workspace or yap with friends and ask for advice as you’re working, or when you get to just like. Pull out your phone

No one gets mad if you have out your phone. That seems so tiny but I don’t feel like I’m breaking a law when I set up my music.

And I started really writing again! And not just abstract or conversational stuff! Actual story and plot and character stuff!

Admittedly that started just yesterday when some friends invited me to writing club with them, but it’s still just. I went from barely actually writing, ever, to sitting down for half an hour and getting down 341 words. It’s felt so good. I’m actually thinking of starting to publish one of my original stories on AO3, and then moving into doing it in comic form afterwards! Let myself have some spontaneity and haphazardness in public instead of trying to perfect everything before letting it see light.

Overall everything feels fantastic. My mom’s not looming and watching everything. I can just. Eat a sandwich and she doesn’t get on my ass about what’s in it. I can jump when I’m excited and she doesn’t say it’s too much.

I got compared to a jackalope. With sincerity and positivity and no negative connotation. That made me so fucking happy dude. Like. That’s one of my favorite mythology guys and now I’m constantly imagining it like overlaying my stims which. When I’m in full excitement I can seem like a dog or some similar critter doing a ‘wanna play’ jump around and yes dogs are best known for it but sometimes! Deer do it too! And I legit got compared to thumper when I was really little by virtue of stims(ppl are more chill abt it when you’re 5. But then school expectations happen).

And it’s just. Hell, I’m me again. There’s this tiktok trend that was going around with adventure time audio that I thought was dumb and sappy but by god it’s right. I’m me. The childhood and joy and life I thought I’d lost forever is right here. It was buried but it didn’t die. I thought it died man. I got it back.

And like. I’m still fighting depression and anxiety, and I still rot in bed sometimes. But not nearly as much. When those fights come up it’s ok. I’m winning now. I’m winning in a way I haven’t in so long. I’m so happy man.

And I’m not fighting my ADHD and autism anymore. I’ve been so tired for so long because I was fighting shit that wasn’t trying to hurt me. And now I can fight the actual monsters for the first time in my life.

And there are people who are 100% fine with my queerness. It’s amazing. Like I had that before in theatre. But again, theatre was just 12-20 hours a week, out of 98-130 waking hours depending on how I slept.

And now it’s just. I wake up. The only person I share my actual living space with is ok with it. All the friends in my art classes are ok with it. My entire major is fine with it. My friends from my clubs are fine with it. That’s another thing I’m not fighting anymore.

It’s so, so good, Frost. Surviving is so fucking worth it. I’ve been telling myself for years but I finally fucking believe it, in my chest and in my head.

I’m still working out how to balance the freedom of not needing my online support as much with the fact that I still have close friends who I love with my whole heart who I need to keep in touch with, and I swear on everything I’m working on it, even if it’s a readjustment to not be so deeply dependent. Im still a comparatively chronically online individual, hell I have an 8am and I’m typing this up at 1:50.

But like. I can be up at 1:50. It’s not a necessity, or something I have to worry about my parents stomping on. I’m actually choosing it, and I can choose to take a nap at midday to accommodate my night owl tendencies. I don’t need to be doing this to be online, and it’s not some rule I’m breaking. It’s a choice, and it’s amazing.

Anyways! Sorry I took so long to respond!! I’m so glad to know you and I love you and having your friendship. I don’t plan to loose it, and I’m sorry if I’ve been a tad distant of late. Thank you so much for being such an amazing friend, and being part of why I got here, why I lived long enough to get here. Love ya man.

elllo

i wanted to do that "what color am i" thing so

lilac, lemon, fern and lollipop!

also love you bestie!!!<3

hiii thank you!! I know its been An Eternity since this ask was sent sorry lol

love you too!! how are you??

#frost!#j me #letters? idk

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litheclouds · 7 years ago

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An IU x GD: Romeo and Juliet ganster au

#lee Jieun #kwon Jiyong #fan fiction #kpop #Romeo and Juliet au #someone make this happen pls #I thought of this during my music 101 class #it would be like the leonardo DiCaprio version #bigbang #IU #gdragon #IUxGD

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shititbe · 3 years ago

Text

Anyway, HSM2 is about internalized homophobia, and no one can tell me otherwise.

High School Musical is one of the most beloved franchises in the world. Teenagers all over the world grew up watching Troy and Gabriella harmonize together. Three movies, and nearly a decade later it’s still beloved by all. The first film easily forgotten in the ashes of the early 2000’s, the third film stuck in a purgatorial limbo of the rather unfortunate late 2000’s. The second film on the other hand sticks out between the ruckus.

The second High School Musical film takes place at Sharpay and Ryan’s family country club, during the summer between junior and senior year. The Wildcats are working summer jobs on the country club, often forced to the beck and call of Ryan and Sharpay themselves. Sharpay uses all her prestige to help Troy with college instead of starting at the bottom ( or rather, in the kitchen washing dishes) with his friends. In the time she’s helping Troy, she is also pushing her brother away; replacing him with Troy in their musical number for the talent show, and refusing to hang out with him in preference for Troy. Ryan becomes vengeful to his twin and starts hanging around the Wildcats in the kitchen. At first, he was met with some distasteful looks and words (most of which from Chad). With the help of Kelsey, and her neutral party, Ryan fits in smoothly with the other teenagers, eventually giving the WildCats all dance lessons.

Throughout the movie, the main conflict continues to be the internal conflict of Troy Bolton. He debates over and over again if he should go through with Sharpay’s shenanigans, or if he wants to “listen to my own heart.” This of course involves Gabriella, as she is Troy’s love interest. She’s not in the second film except for the beginning, then, where she leaves in the middle of the film - in order to create angst for Troy - then when she shows up again in the finally to sing/rejoin Troy.

The conflict in the second film is the combining of Troy’s two worlds. His first - his main world in the first movie, that hence became his secondary world - which is represented by Chad. Then his secondary world - which becomes his main world in this movie - which is represented by Ryan. Chad represents Troy’s masculinity, or his more idealized version of himself. Ryan represents Troy’s femininity or his current version of reality. These two worlds collide in the iconic song “I don’t dance”.

Since this movie - and hence this scene - came out in the early 2000’s, a lot of the innuendoes went over people's heads. Luckily, as the children who watched this movie grew older and more experienced, and the world became more accepting, we’re able to see this song for what it is.

Before getting into the lore and symbolism of the iconic “I Don’t Dance” sequence, context is needed. For most of human history, homosexuality was seen as a sin in all places except ancient times (see: Greece and Japan). The modern age is the most accepting on all fronts, such as sexual orientation, race, and religion. In the early 2000’s, High School Musical director Kenny Ortega was not publicialy out yet. He wouldn’t be till 2014.

Originally, while writing this, my first thought was that Kenny - the director - would be using Troy as a y/n type character to project his insecurities and struggles with masculinity, and what that means in defining his orientation and societal views that would be placed upon him. Then, it came to me later that this is in fact not the case, Troy (and Gabriella - who is in fact a y/n character for the female audience) is more of a character for a man of his time, confused with his own ideals of masculinity and the views of society because, “oh god, I can’t like theater/drama because only queer people and girls like it!” The second point is pushed further with the Troy and Sharpay sub-plot. Sharpay tries to further Troy’s career as a basketball player, though that’s not what he wants anymore, and Troy is no longer sure if that is what he ever wanted to begin with (enter the song “Bet on it” and the hilarious meme “no dad, I’m giving up on your dream”).

Keeping these things in mind - Kenney’s queerness, and Troy’s struggle to realize you can in fact sing and be a heterosexual, wow, revolutionary - it became clear to me that Kenney’s y/n characters were Ryan and Chad.

For those who aren’t into the arts, or find them too difficult after a singular attempt thinking they could write a world class novel on the first go, let me be the first to tell you every author has a y/n character. First, for those who don’t know what y/n stands for, it’s a popular fanfiction trope where a writer will write a story about a character dating, being friends, and so on, with the reader. The y/n stands for “your name” so anyone can be the main character in this story at any time. For a writer of mainstream fictional work, such as High School Musical, Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings, Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, even most comics. Now, most writers or directors aren’t going to be as obvious as having a character not named (or named y/n) or even named Jane (looking at you Jane Austin), the y/n character of many mainstream authors/directors/comic artists and so on is usually the character they feel or have given the most attributes similar to themselves.

It’s the same reason people have favourite characters. You see a fictional character and you either 1. Want to Bob the Builder them, 2. Some sort of weird sex thing, or 3. See more/the most of yourself in this character. Number three - thankfully - is usually the main reason. Some people just create their own favourite characters. An even easier way to think about this, is just projection baby, that’s psych 101.

Before I went off on a small tangent of fictional works and how human emotion plays into creating them (except anything Disney has made in the past decade, and no you can’t change my mind on that) I mentioned that Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s y/n characters. As a queer person myself, it’s clear for me to see the different struggles each of these characters face and how these reflect the queer experience.

So, let’s finally get into it.

Ryan, without it being explicitly said is clearly a character of what people in the early 2000s think a gay man is. He is effeminate, wearing bright coloured outfits with lots of accessories - namely his signature hats - he is also in the theater department doing musicals, and passive/subservient to any of his twin sisters' wills. Yes, now we know gay men aren’t just feminized men, but in the early 2000’s a gay man who can do "masculine" things like change their car oil, like sports, and so on, break the "effeminate" stereotype thus confused many cishet people. Sharpay is painted as more confident - or, for sake of comparability - masculine to her twin in the first movie, and most of the second movie. Making Ryan a bit of her dog who would do anything to get by - painting Ryan as lesser than human, once more, playing into the homophobia of the early 2000's.

Despite the clear stereotypes playing into his character, Ryan is consistently one of the most confident characters in the movie. The other, being his sister of course. This confidence in himself is what gravitates the other characters towards him, either by being intimidated (Troy, thinking Ryan and Gabriella were a thing), or admiration (Chad, by the end of “I don’t dance”).

Chad, on the other hand, is a whole different ball game. While he is confident in the first movie, and the first portion of the second movie, he begins to break more and more when Ryan becomes a more integral part of the Wildcat group. To keep in mind, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste for Troy’s artistic past-time. When the other Wildcats join Ryan and begin learning how to dance for the talent show at the end of the movie, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste. The baseball game where “I don’t dance” takes place, is the climax of Chad’s arc and his turn towards acceptance to Ryan/Troy’s hobbies.

Of course, there is more to the “I don’t dance” sequence than just Chad’s realization - the exact one Troy comes to terms with in the second movie as well - of “oh my god I don’t have to be gay to enjoy stereotypical ‘feminine’ things.” That is the main part of the song though, that and all the sexual tension.

Going back to what I’ve stated previously, Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s projection or y/n characters. Let me do a small recap before we get into the nitty gritty of the famous “I don’t dance” video.

Thinking back to the first few paragraphs, I stated that Kenney wasn’t publicly out till 2014, about 7 years after the second movie came out. This could be due to the fact that a) it’s the early 2000’s and everyones still very homophobic, or b) self-doubt that comes with the queer experience. The most likely reason is a mixture of both of these. Because of this, Ryan is the more self-assured version, or idealized version of Kenney that he wants to be. Ryan is confident, never being swayed about his lifestyle (could be read as: sexuality) even though Chad - and most of the wildcats in the first movie - put him through relentless “teasing” and humiliation. He’s confident, almost to a fault, he’s sure of himself, and yet still reaches out a hand to Chad and the other wildcats to show them that they’re just being, kinda dick-ish.

Every queer person wants to be Ryan. Despite his heavily stereotyped characterization, I personally believe he is one of the stronger written characters in the movies, mainly due to Kenney putting the time in to really make Ryan feel like a real person, to give himself some sort of relief of his own anxieties, a chance to see the world through a person who truly has no fear. Unlike Kenney himself.

This is where Chad comes in.

Chad is seen as “confident” in the first movie, the second Troy “leaves” basketball though, all that confidence comes crashing down. His best friend has another hobby - one he thinks is “not right” (it’s okay, you can say gay), - they wont be spending all their time together (first, can you say dependent relationship much, yikes).Chad’s defining characteristic up until their fight that instigate act three of the second movie, is being Troy’s best friend. I’m going to take this as if this were truly the case, and not a decently written character arch. Some people base themselves around their friends and their whole identity on being a friend, that they lose sight of themselves, this mainly in high school of course, when your whole world is really nothing but school, and friends. Newly developed independence is there, but that’s scary, so instead of worrying about the future, cling to something that’s reliable. I’ve seen this happen, mainly at the end of high school, when the “real world” is coming a bit too close for comfort. This could generally be the case if a person is lonely, but for timeline sake I’m going to say Chad has got some anxiety about graduating (considering the second movie takes place the summer of junior year).

His lashing out at Troy’s hobbies and at Troy’s neglectful friendship, make more sense with that background, and are seen more in the second movie where Troy begins spending all his spare time with Sharpay (trying to collect that BAG!). Chad - and others (read: father) - insists that music is not a feasible career option, and Troy should just stick with basketball (like...that is a feasible career option). The tension Chad creates in the studio only grows when the other wildcats decide to take up Ryan’s offer for dance lessons and move from the kitchen, to helping out with the talent show. (Next essay idea: how high school musical two was really about class all along, cause Jesus).

Chad is the less obvious option for a y/n character. Though again, the 2000’s were not as cool people like to pretend they are. Chad - for Kenney - represents what he actually feels, this fear of being rejected for how he is and how he chooses to live his life/lifestyle, so he sticks to something reliable. Ryan is new, and exciting, and confident in a way that Kenney/Chad wish they could be, but in order for that to happen they need to understand that maybe people are complex creatures, and can enjoy multiple hobbies (aka: the same lesson Troy is teaching the viewers, but far less boring). But, for Kenney/Chad facing that thought and that realization is scary, and thus, they lash out at anyone (read this paragraph as: Chad mad jealous of Ryan cause Ryan bomb as fuck).

All this build up, finally comes ahead in the employee baseball match

******

The baseball game is probably the most memorable scene in the whole High School Musical franchise (minus Sharpay’s “Fabulous” solo, but that’s also from the same movie, and it’s kinda rude to give what’s already the best more points); the tension in the scene, and what it implies makes it the best written segment of all three movies, let alone the most entertaining.

Some things to keep in mind from our background information: Chad is missing his bestie and struggling with what being “masculine” really means for him and others. Ryan of course makes this confusing, because the traditional method is being thrown out the window. In short, Chad has internalized homophobia, and Ryan being open - or as open as Disney would let him - is causing all sorts of problems.

Despite the song, “I don’t dance” being logged into our collective skulls for all eternity (you’re probably humming it right now, sorry about that), the very brief interaction of Ryan and Chad before the game is lost on the public consciousness. The two are clearly comfortable with each other, though the distaste seems to be on Chad’s side more than Ryans. So, the two start playfully jabbing at each other before deciding to do a bat toss to see who will be in the outfield first.

Before they begin the bat toss, Ryan says “You don’t think dancing takes some game?” Chad then very clearly checks him out, doing a simple but effective ‘drag-your-eyes-over-them-top-to-bottom-then-smile’ and says “you got game?” (Seen in gif below)

I don’t know how much you know about sex metaphors and how many of those baseball has in it (seriously though, it’s a lot), but with the bat toss, Ryan’s hand ended up on top, and Chad’s under Ryan’s. Let’s ignore this for now, it’ll be implied again later. Ryan’s team starts out in the outfield because he won the bat toss, and hence, the song officially starts.

The first lyrics (ignoring the chores of “hey batter batter, hey batter batter, swing”) is

I'll show you that it's one and the same

Baseball, dancing, same game

It's easy

Step up to the place, start swingin

This part is sung by Ryan, who is taunting Chad out in the outfield. Before the game, as stated, Chad was taunting Ryan about his lack of “game” (both sexual and not sexual metaphor are implied), and now, Ryan has turned those tables around. Baseball - is seen as more masculine than dancing, not as masculine as football or basketball, but it’s up there. Chad is someone who cares about his masculinity, enough to the point that Ryan playing baseball makes him loose his mind. Makes him question his own personal definition of masculinity, if you will.

Ryan says, “baseball, dancing, same game,” impyling that, to him, baseball and dancing are one and the same. That is baffling to Chad, cause well, how can something meant for girls even be close to something meant for boys.

Chad comes back with:

I wanna play ball now, and that's all

This is what I do

It ain't no dance that you can show me, yeah

This only proves my previous point.

I had a conversation with myself about this, and I’ve decided not to include it in this essay, but a second essay may or may not be possible. Basically the premise - the dancing/”musical” moments of High School Musical are conjured up images by those meant to see them (ie: like a visual hallucination, but, not really) but this scene kinda poo-poos that idea.

Now, the thing I am talking about is Ryan and Chad’s peacocking at each other during the time they sing these lyrics. The movements they’re making could be mistaken for dancing - as we automatically assume it is because of the title and themes of the movie - or it could be them just getting ready for the baseball game. Ryan swings his leg over the pitcher's mound, tossing the ball up and down into his glove, making wavy hand gestures, etc. Chad brushes off his gloves, swings his legs, hits the bat on each foot, and so on.

For the peacocking, Chad makes a mock of the ballerina foot stance before strutting over to the home plate. Ryan laughs at this, which earns quite the smirk from Chad himself (see gif below).

This is when it becomes a conversation.

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch

Come on - Ch

When Chad says “Come on” it’s when Ryan throws the baseball at him, starting the game, and giving Chad’s team their first strike of the game (get it, it’s funny). Now, obviously we need to talk about the “there’s just one little thing that stops me every time.” As a queer person, I assure you, two of the things that kept me from living my Best Life were 1) my own ignorance of what asexuality was and 2) the fear that everyone I love would hate me for who I am, and what I have no control over.

Sorry to get deep like that on main, but, can any other queer person say different? Obviously, your first point may differ, but my point still stands. In the video/scene there is a very short moment (to which I have condensed into a gif for you all, you’re welcome, and I’m sorry about the quality in advance), of the camera moving over to Chad’s team (or his friends in this case since it’s an employee baseball game) as he says this line (gif below).

I will not be explaining the use of subtly in this essay, but I’m sure you get the metaphor Kenney is trying to use. If not, let me spell it out for you in very simple words. This song has a lot of sexual innuendos (as mentioned pervious with the baseball bat scene and still, more to come), with that in mind, and clearly queer themes at play (as mentioned before, again), this scene only shows Chad isn’t as straight as he leads on. His fear/phobia of Ryan/the arts come from a much deeper place.

In shorter, and much simpler terms: Chad queer.

But, let’s get back to the boy's conversation.

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R

Not a chance, no - Ch

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R

Translation: “If I can do this weird, sweaty, dirty, Male thing without blowing a fuse, you can and should be able to dance just fine.”

But I don't dance - Ch

Hit it out of the park - Both

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both

I don't dance, no - Ch (This is just the chores, you’ll see it multiple times throughout the essay, I just figured if the song is going to be in your head, go all the way right).

Two-steppin, now you're up to bat - R

Bases loaded, do your dance - R

Here we are with the baseball metaphors you’ve all been waiting for ladies and gentlemen. Girls, gays, and non-binary pals. For those who have somehow managed a sheltered existence with access to the internet, lemme help you. Ryan is talking about “loaded bases” both in the context of the game (where it shows each base has one person from Chad’s team on them) and in the term of sex. While you go out there dating - while it’s mostly douche bags and people using it ironically - your nosey friends may ask you how far you got.

“First, second, or third base?” They may ask. Or something like, “oh wow, did you get to home plate/base?” These are simply the rankings of the stages of a sexual relationship. First - kissing, sometimes just handholding, Second - making out, some light groping, Third - full on groping, no clothes come off, but it gets close. While each person has different boundaries, these are the general accepted definitions for the bases.

Home base is obviously full blown sexual intercourse. Since Chad has his “bases loaded” it means he’s done all these things before, just never gone completely to sexual intercourse with someone - in the terms of the song and the history we’ve already established, it’s most likely a male character. This is only proven by Chad’s uncomfortable nature towards Ryan (internalized Homophobia, thank you, returning theme) but his easy, and cocky personality towards everyone else. “bUt thAt DoEsnT pRovE” hush, that’s the final cherry on top. Remember this conversation.

It's easy - R

Again. Previous points have been made.

Take your best shot, just hit it - Ch

I've got what it takes, playin my game - Ch

So you better spin that pitch - Ch

You're gonna throw me, yeah - Ch

I'll show you how I swing - Ch

Ah, the famous “I’ll show you how i swing” a very strong baseball metaphor for everyone. Keeps queer people from defining themselves to dangerous (straight) people, and, well, that’s it actually. This term is mostly used by bi/pan people, though if you want to stay in the closet or are in a dangerous place, it is also used to subtly tell other queer people you are in fact, not straight. My favourite is when this term came into play when President Buchanan got elected in 1856 (for those that don’t know, he’s the first and only gay president).

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch

This is again, the same lyric as before it doesn’t pan, and the tone is much different. The camera stays on Chad as he says this line, meaning he’s reflecting, he is now his own problem, the person that is keeping him back. His friends are not on his mind anymore, which is good, Ryan’s Gay Propaganda has been working.

Come on - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R

Not a chance, no, no - Ch

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R

But I don't dance - Ch

Hit it out of the park - R

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh no - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both

I don't dance, no - Ch

Lean back, tuck it in, take a chance - R

Swing it out, spin around, do the dance - R

I wanna play ball, not dance hall - Ch

I'm makin a triple, not a curtain cal - Chl

I can prove it to you til you know it's true - R

'Cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too - R

You're talkin a lot, show me what you got - Ch

Again, like the beginning of this song, this is a heavy base for flirting and sexual tension, which this song is drowning in.

Stop swinging - both

Hey - both

This is the part where they all start a flash mob in the middle of the baseball diamond. Again, alluding to the conversation I had to myself earlier, this only proves my own theory as no one takes notice of this. But, that’s not this essay, this is where I mention how close Chad and Ryan are at the end of the group dance.

Come on, swing it like this - both

Oh, swing - both

Jitterbug, just like that - both

That's what I mean, that's how you swing - both

You make a good pitch but I don't believe - both

Here is yet another (and the final) sexual innuendo. This is actually a rather quick one. Pitching in queer culture is considered the person who tops (because queer people even had to straight-ify their sex lives to “top” and “bottom”), this is the person who is giving, if you know what I’m saying.

I say you can - R

I know I can't - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

You can do it - R

I don't dance, no - Ch

Here is where that mosh pit ends, and how they get a little too close to comfort.

Nothing to it, atta boy, atta boy, yeah - both

The rest of this song is simply a mash-up of the baseball game being finished, and this lovely gem.

Now, clearly, Chad’s self conscious nature towards his sexuality is gone, he’s sitting close - if not squishing - Ryan, and talking to him like they’ve been friends forever. Take note of the change of close, most likely due to all the tension at the end of the song, and maybe a little of Chad’s own natural human curiosity built in. Now, I leave you with this note:

If there is anything that confirms all this more, its Chad’s girlfriend wearing the pride colours.

Also note: this could also be seen as a friend helping his bro discover his sexuality and fighting internalized homophobia, but, that’s ignoring the sexual tension, so go off I guess.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Watch the full thing here

#high school musical 2 #ryan and chad #do they have a ship name?#troy bolton #high school musical #the original not the remake or whatever the kids have now #ryan evans #chad danforth #Sharpay evans #troy x gabriella #ryan/chad #that baseball scene #yall know what i'm talking about #i don't dance #the gayest scene ever #and gayest song #Anyways: the series #should I write that second essay?#thanks for coming to my ted talk

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eggtoasties · 4 years ago

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Chapter One: I. Allegro

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsuro x Reader

Rating: G

Word Count: 3.2k

Summary: Kuroo used to think the best sound in the world was a volleyball hitting the court on the other side of the net. Now, he has other things on his repertoire.

Counter point: Good counterpoint requires two qualities: (1) a meaningful or harmonious relationship between the lines (a “vertical” consideration—i.e., dealing with harmony) and (2) some degree of independence or individuality within the lines themselves (a “horizontal” consideration, dealing with melody).

It was illogical really, Kuroo thought to himself, having to take a mandatory arts class. He was an athlete. He would probably major in STEM or business the next year if he didn’t go pro. But here he was, staring at the course catalogue, deciding between different bands, choirs, art classes, and orchestra. Irritatingly, Kenma had finished his arts requirement last year, taking a video editing class which Kuroo thought was definitely cheating since he figured Kenma already knew the basics. Plus, he not-so-secretly believed that Kenma would benefit from another non-electronic hobby.

Sighing, he assessed each class. He knew he was tone deaf and did not want others listening to him sing. Plus, he’s seen the red cummerbunds and bow ties the choir had to wear for concerts and refused to give his teammates the blackmail fodder even if Yaku thought it looked “refined.”

To be honest, Kuroo didn’t know much about the arts. He only had the vaguest understanding of the differences between Watercolor 101, Figure drawing 101, and Oil Painting 101. While he thought of himself in the studio, palette in hand with an apron tied around him, working intently at the easel on the next generational masterpiece, he remembered when Kenma threw his pencil-drawn mockups of promotional posters in the trash and told him not to show the rest of the team.

While maybe he could try digital media, he couldn’t help but imagine himself against the romanticized backdrop of more traditional arts.

He had to choose between the several band electives and orchestra. He couldn’t do marching band—he wouldn’t be caught dead in those uniforms, wind ensemble had auditions he surely wouldn’t pass, jazz band had mandatory solos, but symphonic band was for rookies. ‘Beginners welcome,’ was typed out with an asterisk under the listing. But, so did orchestra. Doing a quick search to figure out the difference between band and orchestra, Kuroo weighed his options.

He took piano lessons from ages four through ten before finally convincing his parents to let him quit—wearing them down by crying every week and throwing a mini tantrum at daily practice—not that he intentionally did it as an elementary school student. But, even from an early age, he knew volleyball was it for him.

While he wasn’t well acquainted with classical music, he had grown up with it from his parents. Well, when they were irritated with the bickering matches between him and his older sister, their parents would crank up the car radio, drowning their yelling. His mom would tell him she used to play Mozart for him when he was a baby which is why he grew so tall—which he would always say makes no sense—and occasionally, a film score would make the hairs on his arms rise even when he was trying to focus on the scene.

So he decided. He’d enroll in orchestra for the year, make himself unnoticeable in the back, and fulfill his arts requirement so he could graduate high school and maybe apply to university. Plus, he figured, as he ticked the box next to orchestra, he’d finally be able to wear his suit his parents bought him, saying that he’d need it eventually.

Folding the course registration paper and sliding it into an envelope to be sent to Nekoma High, he stood up from his seat at the low dining room table and decided to go to Kenma’s, figuring they could squeeze some volleyball practice before summer vacation ended.

The first day of his third year was unextraordinary. He woke up tired, coaxed his bed head into something manageable, and started his commute to school, picking Kenma up on the way. Double and triple checking his course schedule on his phone and reminding his teammates that they all had to help out in advertising the volleyball club—well, maybe except Yaku—he tapped his toes with a mix of nervousness and anticipation.

His classes were nothing special, most of them a continuation of the year before or courses he carefully picked with the advice of his seniors. But, walking towards the orchestra room at the far side of the building where all the music classes were, he felt a familiar rush of nervous adrenaline spike—not unlike the nerves before a big match. But this time, he couldn’t be confident in his own skills or rely on a team to back him up. Counting the room numbers until it matched the one on his registration, he found the room with its double doors propped open.

Striding in, the large open space was in various states of organized chaos. Other students were already moving chairs in uniform columns, two to a row, and were pulling instruments out of cases. Unsure of what to do, he immediately found the teacher.

“Hi Jouda-sensei, I’m Kuroo Tetsuro,” he introduced. “I’m new—where should I sit?”

“Hi Tetsuro-kun, it’s nice to meet you,” she said warmly. “Ah, yes I see you enrolled as a beginner.” Flipping through the pages on her clipboard she hummed, “Is there a particular instrument you’d like to play?” sweeping a hand across the room. “We could always use more violas, we have enough cellos, weirdly too many basses, but we could also stick you with the second violins?”

Kuroo didn’t quite know the difference between violas and violins but figured ‘second’ violins implied that there was also a ‘first’ violins group and that he’d be more likely to be able to hide in the back in a bigger group.

“Yeah,” he drawled out confidently, “I actually wanted to learn violin.”

“Okay, perfect. Here—” she motioned another student over. “Tetsuro-kun, meet Daisuke-kun.” Daisuke greeted Kuroo with a shallow bow and Kuroo responded with a head nod, mentally rolling his eyes at Daisuke’s subtle disapproval.

“He’s first chair of the second violins,” Jouda-sensei continued, “he’ll get you set up. Daisuke-kun, have him take one of the rentals and teach him the ropes. Today’s mostly getting people set up if they don’t have their own instruments and playing through potential setlists,” she explained while twirling her pen in her right hand. “Testsuro-kun, you’re our only new violin which means everyone can help you learn—take today to be comfortable with an instrument in your hands and observe your classmates!” she finished, walking away.

“I’m Sato Daisuke, a second year,” Daisuke reintroduced, emphasizing his year.

“Kuroo Tetsuro, third year,” he said smugly.

“Ah—okay,” Daisuke said standing straighter, “Kuroo-san, follow me,” turning towards the back of the room.

Chuckling Kuroo said, “Just Kuroo’s fine—you’re technically my senior here since I’ve never played violin before.”

Stuttering a bit and covering it with a cough, Daisuke nodded once. He stood in front of a wall of neatly labelled cubbies and pulling a black rectangular case out, he handed it to Kuroo. Explaining the rules of the rental and making him sign a form, Daisuke taught Kuroo how to properly tighten the bow, use rosin, clean the instrument, and taught him simple exercises to practice posture.

Fiddling a bit with the shoulder rest as Daisuke excused himself for a second, Kuroo ran through the exercises to get himself acquainted with the feel of the violin under his chin and a bow in his right hand. It was uncomfortable, he noted. His left shoulder wanted to scrunch up towards his face, his left wrist wanted to press towards the neck of the violin, and he couldn’t comfortably hold his bow. For the first time in a while, Kuroo felt out of his element—he felt as though his body couldn’t do what he wanted it to do. He felt awkward and unsure and the back of his neck prickled as he caught other students look his way.

Finally, Daisuke came back. Holding a thin blue book in his hand he explained, “This’ll teach you the basics of reading music. The thickest string on the left is G, followed by D, A, and E. Notes go in order of A through G and it just repeats.” Making sure Kuroo was following along, he continued. “So, If we start on the G string and put a finger down,” he moved over to place Kuroo’s index finger on the first tape, “what note is this?”

“A?”

“Yup, great. Follow the tapes for where you should put your fingers, I taught you how to tune and you need to study and practice every night so you’ll be able to partially follow along in class.”

Head a little dizzy with the new information but also proud to have understood some of the basics, Kuroo nodded. Daisuke took Kuroo to the back of the group, explained to a student who Kuroo was, then took his place towards the front.

Kuroo’s stand partner was a first year—Hayato. He’d been doing orchestra since middle school, didn’t take private lessons like many of the other students, but enjoyed orchestra enough to continue in high school as a hobby. Although a little awkward, Hayato was patient when giving Kuroo a more detailed explanation of reading music, since six years of piano lessons had completely left him, and set him up with basic exercises.

“You need to make sure your left wrist is down and relaxed,” Hayato said, tapping a pencil to Kuroo’s inner wrist. “Also, your bow grip is atrocious, but that’s one of the hardest things for a beginner.” He showed Kuroo how the bow was supposed to be held, stressing how it should look relaxed and curved.

Making small adjustments while Kuroo shakily moved the bow across the strings, Hayato said, “Sensei will probably have you come during study hall to practice, but you need to practice at home too or Sato-san and the concertmaster will probably chew you out.”

Bow stuttering crookedly across the strings, making Sato tut at him, Kuroo paused. “The concertmaster,” he asked disbelievingly. “What is that?” imagining some despotic conductor in long tuxedo trails and a clipboard.

Laughing at his confusion, Hayato explained. “The concertmaster is the first chair violinist. In orchestra they’re like the leader of the group. They tune the group, come out second to last before the conductor during concerts, make decisions on bowings, and everyone kinda follows their lead.”

Nodding to himself Kuroo said, “Okay, so he’s like,” he trailed off, “the captain of the team?”

“Exactly. Except she’s a third year like you and pretty well known in the music scene in our area, y’know.”

Frowning at his assumption he admitted, “Ah, okay so,” he trailed off, “concertmistress? I play volleyball, I don’t really know music.”

Hayato laughed and Kuroo raised a brow. “I mean obviously—you don’t really look like a violinist.”

Affronted Kuroo said, “Oi, what does that mean?”

“Kuroo-san, you’re like, huge,” Hayato squeaked out.

Trying not to preen, Kuroo waved his hand and turned his head towards the front of the class.

Jouda-sensei stood on her podium and tapped her baton on the raised stand in front of her. “Hi everyone, good to see all of you again. We have a few new faces so make sure to welcome them and help them out. I’m super excited for our potential set list this year, but before I pass out the folders, let’s a hear a few words from our concertmistress!”

With scattered applause and stomping, a girl rose to the podium as Jouda-sensei stepped off. Holding her violin and bow in her left hand she beamed at the class. Briefly introducing herself and sharing her excitement for the year to make music with everyone, Jouda-sensei interrupted her return to her seat.

“For the first rehearsal, how about you formally tune us?” Jouda-sensei offered.

“Aw, no it’s okay—some people are beginners and all the section leaders already took care of it right?”

Next to her, her stand partner threw an eraser at the podium making her scowl. “Just do it, her stand partner complained,” drawing laughter from the class.

Giving her partner the finger, hidden from their sensei’s view, she laughed good naturedly and straightened her shoulders.

All of a sudden, Kuroo noted, the atmosphere in the room changed. Students were no longer whispering to each other, playing random tunes, or shuffling in their seats. Everyone’s eyes were on her at the podium. She offered an open palm and nodded towards the back of the room. A single note penetrated the silence.

She swept her hand towards the back and Kuroo was suddenly flooded with the sound of the deep and rich brass section. After a few seconds, she repeated the process and the woodwind instruments close to Kuroo in the back began to tune.

Hayato leaned towards Kuroo. “Before concerts and rehearsals everyone should’ve tuned beforehand. This more for last minute checks and also a show for the audience. The order and how many sections tune at once is usually decided between the concertmaster and the conductor—Kuroo-san, we’ll tune last.”

Nodding in appreciation, Kuroo turned his attention back to the podium. The woodwinds trailed off and after a beat of silence, she nodded once again for the tuning note to be played and she waved her hand towards the cellos and basses at her right. The gravelly resonance of the strings filled Kuroo with a strange sense of full contentment and marveled at the size of the basses, whose strings seemed to be quadruple the thickness of his own.

Finally, the concertmaster gave one last nod and tucked her violin under her chin. Hearing the drone of the pitch, everyone around Kuroo began to tune. Unsure of what to do, he stumbled to mimic Hayato who was adjusting his tuners. Since Sato Daisuke already tuned his instrument, Kuroo just played open strings and waited for the rest of his section to stop. Glancing to his left at Kuroo’s right hand, Hayato whispered sharply, “Keep your pinky curved!”

After tuning, folders were passed out to each student, filed with sheet music. Hayato organized the sheets on their stand.

“Since you’re on the inside—the left hand side of the stand—your job is to turn my pages,” he explained. “It’ll be good practice to see if you can follow along even if you can’t read, but no worries if you want to spend today just watching and listening.”

Thanking Hayato and teasing when he fumbled in embarrassment, Kuroo spent the rest of class in awe. Although the group was seeing the pieces for the first time, he couldn’t help the goosebumps on his arms as the orchestra came together. Even when he heard Hayato miss a note, noticed when the conductor would glare at a section, or when they had to stop and regroup, listening to individual instruments try come together as one left Kuroo wanting to be a part of it. From the inside, he watched as bows moved in unison and fingers slid up and down the necks of stringed instruments. He was hyper aware of the instruments behind him providing support to the main melody, and leaned towards them to catch their individual parts.

He set his gaze towards the front of the room and watched the concertmaster. Powerful yet graceful, her bow made sure movements across the strings, fingers moving quickly and accurately. Her body swayed with the music and her face, unlike Hayato’s, was not one of extreme concentration. She seemed focused as she watched the conductor and indicated entrances to her section through her body, but despite the multi-tasking, it was clear to Kuroo that she was having fun.

She trusted her section to follow along, for her stand partner to flip the pages at the right times, and for the rest of the orchestra to do their parts. When Jouda-sensei made the class begin again, she would lean towards her stand partner and share whispered giggles and Kuroo caught the glint of shiny pink polish and traced the way her hair fell across her shoulders.

He knew what being a captain was like—he had been captain since he was voted in at the end of his second year and he wondered how long she’d been playing for, how much she practices, and how she encourages her section. He wondered what the differences and similarities were between leading a team and an orchestra were—the differences and similarities between them, even.

At the end of class Kuroo promised to himself to practice a little every day to be able to play with the group and hold his own. For the rest of the school day, he idly hummed the melodies they had played in class and replayed images of bows and hands moving in unison.

In the club room before practice, Kuroo came in with his violin case. Greeting his teammates, he started to change.

Loosening his tie and pulling his sweater over his head, Kuroo heard Lev ask about his case. Swapping his school top for his practice one, Kenma responded.

“Kuroo’s taking orchestra for his arts credit.”

“Why would you take a band credit, you should’ve taken sculpture like I did,” Yamamoto exclaimed proudly.

“Your sculptures were ugly,” Kenma said evenly, over the sounds of his video game.

Before Yamamoto could respond, Fukunaga menacingly shook his water bottle at the two of them causing Kenma to turn his back and hunch defensively over his game.

Narrowing his eyes at Kenma, Yamamoto turned his attention back to Kuroo who was idly flipping through the practice book Daisuke had given him.

“Yeah Kuroo, band classes are so much work when you’ve gotta learn the instrument, why’d you enroll?”

Before Kuroo could respond Yaku jumped to Yamamoto’s side and jabbed him. “Band and orchestra are two different things you uncultured swine!”

Doubled over and grasping his stomach, Yamamoto glared tearfully at his senior, then directed his glare towards Lev who was slapping his knee in laughter.

“Kuroo-san,” Lev shouted, “can you play us something?” he asked excitedly.

Gaining the interest of the rest of the team, everyone crowded around Kuroo, nodding in unison. He rubbed the back of his head in uncertainty.

“I’ve literally just learned how to play. I don’t know if you’d really want me to.”

“We really want you to!” Lev said, encouraging him to open his case.

Begrudgingly, Kuroo went to his violin and briefly explained how to setup and tune, to the amazement of some of his teammates. Even Kenma peered curiously over his video game in the corner. He tucked the instrument under his chin, carefully held his bow and placed the hair on the A string and played. Kuroo focused intently on ensuring that his bow grip was loose, but secure, that his pinky and thumb were curved and that his bow was making straight lines across the string.

As Kuroo looked over to his teammates, he noticed Yaku’s shoulders starting to shake while he pointed a finger at him.

“I-Is that the best you can do?” Yaku nearly screamed, howling in laughter. “You’re not even moving your f-fingers!”

To Kuroo’s embarrassment, the rest of the team tried desperately to hold in their laughter and Lev deadpanned, “That kinda sucked, senpai.”

Stuttering out an indignant scoff, Kuroo’s brow furrowed, “I told you I just learned this today! A-and posture is important you heathens!” shaking his bow at Lev and Yaku.

#kuroo tetsuro #kuroo tetsuro drabble #kuroo tetsuro oneshot #kuroo tetsuro x you #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo tetsuro scenarios #kuroo x reader #kuroo x you #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyu x you #haikyu x y/n #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #nekoma high #nekoma haikyuu #kuroo tetsuro fanfiction #kuroo x y/n

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soclonely · 4 years ago

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The Clones as Students, Family and Staff on The Last Day Of School

Rex- That poor student that is so tired, they don't realize its the last day

Echo- My high school english teacher who assigned a paper on the LAST DAY to do for he class.

Fives- LOL its the last day, he slept in and showed up at 11 to clean up his locker with a bag of mcdonalds chicken sandwiches in hand

Jesse- PARKING LOT PARTY CREW AFTER SCHOOLS LET OUT BE THERE OR BE SQUARE

Kix- His family is already halfway around the world on a cruise ship celebrating summer

Tup-That kid whose locker is so full of just papers and garbage he had to grab the gigantic garbage can from the lunch room to empty it out

Dogma- the teacher who is secretly relieved because his trouble making student didn't get summer school with him.

Hardcase- making everyone sign his yearbook

Coric- tries to start a Grease musical ending in the cafeteria during last lunch

Bly- Him and his gf literally just sat in the gym all day with their friends chatting about summer plans and smooching(we all know that couple)

99- The sweet old lunch lady who made sure there were extra brownies for everyone during lunch!

Cody- Sleeping under a desk somewhere

Waxer/Boil- Those parents that are there in the morning AND afternoon taking pictures of their kids and making them pose with teachers, friends, and the school mascot sign. (Khai vibes)

Wolffe- grouchy school security officer who is still trying to keep the hallways empty and safe, even if its the last day

Boost/Sinker- tried to pull a senior prank but got caught and had to come in on the last day and clean up their mess.

Hunter- returned the library book he checked out like, the first week of school

Wrecker- as soon as he gets to each class, takes the hallpass and wanders around to other classrooms

Tech- begging for extra credit last minute because he cannot bear the thought of having only a 101% in History

Crosshair- grumpy secretary wandering around and cornering kids to pay this years school fees. Because you know our parents taxes and neighborhood property taxes just aren't enough and your $60 lab fees will make a difference.

Thank you to all of you hard working teachers out there who, despite a hard and weird year of virtual, in person, and mixed learning pulled through and taught some kids. You did it! They may not appreciate it now but one day they will and I hope you have a fantastic upcoming summer!

And to all of you young followers still in school, great job! It was a hard year but you did it! And I hope you have a safe and happy summer.

#khai come get ya juice #the clone wars #star wars

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depressing-debbie · 4 years ago

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Oooohhh are you interested in writing some soft college boy headcannons for Bertholdt?? 🤩🤩💕

Awww that's literally adorable, I will absolutely do my best <3

College Bertholdt Headcanons

I think he would be a humanities major, probably either philosophy, literature, or gender studies (feminist king)

His favorite class that he’s taken was psych 101, he thought it was really interesting, and he still brings up pieces of knowledge from that class once in a while.

He like barely speaks to his roommate. They did awkward introductions at the start of the year, they say hello when they pass, and they discuss any issues with the room (like plumbing or something) but otherwise, they just... ignore each other.

Speaking of roommates, it makes him unbelievably uncomfortable to have to share a room. He probably gets off campus housing or a single as soon as he’s allowed because he can’t sleep when someone he barely knows is in the same room.

He keeps his room pretty clean, but his laundry is always a bit of a mess

When he moved in, he brought a tiny aloe plant with him. He forgets to water it once in a while and freaks out because he thinks it’s dead, but for the most part, he takes good care of it, and it’s healthy.

Once when someone was trying to talk him into going out to a party, he used the excuse “sorry, I have to water my aloe tonight, I can’t”

He goes to the library to study almost every day because he thinks it just so peaceful. He brings his books and a pair of headphones, and he sits for like three hours.

On weekends, he walks to the tiny coffee shop just far enough away from the campus that hardly any students have found it. He gets a little pastry and a coffee and studies.

Definitely study oriented, you will rarely catch him out partying, especially during the week (and he only does go when Reiner drags him along)

When he does finally get dragged along to parties, he’s SO uncomfortable. He really wants to enjoy the vibe along with everyone else, but he’s just too awkward.

Reiner once left him alone at a party to go talk to someone, and he just stood in the corner quietly bouncing his head to the music until he got back.

Even though it doesn’t seem like he had a “normal” college experience, I think he really enjoyed it. At the very least, he had plenty of fond memories to look back on later.

#attack on titan headcanons #attack on titan #aot headcanons #aot #shingeki no kyojin headcanons #shingeki no kyojin #snk headcanons #snk #bertholt hoover #bertholdt hoover #bertholdt headcanons #attack on titan bertholdt #i love bertholdt #modern bertholdt

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years ago

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Did you try the Unicorn Frappuccino when Starbucks had it, and if so, what did you think? No, I thought it looked cute, but I never got around to trying it.

Is your hair naturally more light, dark, or in-between? Dark. Does your hair have natural highlights in it? No. What was the last clothing store you shopped at? Online I was looking at at Shein, in person I went to Ross. Do you like your old phone better than your newest one? No.

What are three names you like that start with "Z"? Zadok, Zach, Zoey. What was the last thing you wore that was purple? Not sure exactly, but it’s been awhile. What are five things everyone else seems to like, but you hate? Sushi, seafood in general, alcohol, socializing and always having to be doing something, ha, and summertime. What were three trends from when you were in high school that you think were terrible? I don’t feel like thinking that far back. Would you rather have a snowball fight or water balloon fight? Not into either one. What grocery store do you shop at the most? We do our big grocery shopping trips at Walmart. What color was your first car? I haven’t had my first car; I don’t drive. Does your family support you in the pursuit of your dreams? I have a very supportive and encouraging family. What's one place you'd like to visit that you haven't yet? There’s so many places I’d love to visit that I haven’t yet. What is one medication that you take every day? My pain medication. When was the last time you wore make-up? Last June for my brother’s grad party. Do you own a cross necklace? No. I do want to get one. What are three things you wanted as a kid but never got? I don’t know, I’m very fotunate and blessed to have been provided what I needed and a lot of what I wanted. What are three things you loved about your backyard as a kid? My swing set. How did you pick names for your imaginary friends when you were younger? I don’t know. What was your favorite class in high school? English and Spanish. What were your favorite mall stores when you were in high school? Hot Topic, Macy’s, JCP. What is the capital city in the state/province/region/whatever that you live in? Sacramento. Did you ever go to summer camp as a child? No. ^If yes, what were three things you loved about it? -- Do you make to-do lists? Yeah, quite often. Use three words to describe your bedroom. Small, clutter-y, random. Who was your favorite celebrity when you were a kid? The big 90s stars, basically. Do you currently have a crush? No. It’s been like 5 years since I’ve had romantic feelings for someone. What’s that even feel like I don’t remember. What was one thing you weren't allowed to wear in high school, that you wanted to wear? My parents were reluctant about me wearing me eyeliner at first. They didn’t want it too heavy. They allowed me to wear it, though. What does it look like outside right now? It looks sunny. It’s 73 F right now, which is kinda warm. What is your favorite outdoor temperature? I prefer below 70s, but I can handle that over upper 70s and above that’s for sure. What's the highest fever you've ever had? Like 101. Do you prefer llamas, penguins, or owls? Owls, I guess. Are you allergic to any foods? Tangerines. What are you severely allergic to, if anything? Nothing severely. What was the last store in your town that permanently closed (that you know of)? Hmm. I’m blanking at the moment. Where do you find new music? For a bit it was Tiktok back when I was obsessed with it during like the first year of the pandemic. Otherwise, it was throug Spotify and what others I know were listening to. What's your favorite girl's name? I like seasonal/weather/nature related names, ha. Ya know, names like Autumn, Winter, Skylar, Skye, Oceana/Ocean, Rain. How old are you? 32 for 4 more months. Do you own a cross necklace? No. Do you own a moon necklace? No. What is the meaning of your name? ”Crowned” or something like that. Would you rather be a fairy or a mermaid? Fairy. What makes your heart soar? Feel good, heart warming stories. What are three things that make you feel alive? I haven’t felt alive in a long time.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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ruzek-halstead · 4 years ago

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all i want for christmas is you 🎄

part one

pairing: luke patterson x julie molina

when julie finds herself in a situation where she needs luke to come home with her to celebrate christmas with her family, he is more than happy to oblige. too bad julie's already in love with him, and not sure when she stopped pretending.

holiday university au

series masterlist || masterlist || ao3

ps. i'm sorry but not sorry for choosing the cheesiest title ever for this fic

🎄

"I need you." Luke choked on his iced coffee. He had just walked into Julie's dorm room, iced coffees in hand when she nearly attacked him in the doorway. "What?" With a small smirk, she backed up, pulling him inside and closing her door. "I need you. I need your help, actually." Luke furrowed his eyebrows, but pounced onto her bed anyway like he usually did. He reached out to hand her the iced coffee. Julie met Luke on her first day of university. She was struggling to find her classroom to Composition 101, when she ran smack into a hard body. The hard body happened to be Luke and he also happened to be carrying an iced coffee. It got all over the two of them, and instead of yelling at him or apologizing, she started crying. He was more freaked out than anyone she had ever seen in her life, and to comfort her, he awkwardly patted her arm and dug out a packet of tissues from his backpack. When she calmed down and realized what happened, she nearly died of mortification. But then she stopped crying and Luke's eyes softened; he asked her what was wrong and once she started talking, she couldn't stop. It just so happened that Luke was also in Composition 101 and the classroom was just to their right. She was mortified, but he was cute and understanding, and they've been inseparable ever since. Sure, maybe at one point she thought something more would happen between them. But school kept them busy, and their friendship came first; so, she never made a move, and neither did he. Instead, they continued to hang out (they ended up having more classes together since they were both in the music program) and once Julie met his friends, and they met her best friend Flynn, the five of them became inseparable. Julie discovered Luke and his friends were in a band; they were trying to build a following and since Flynn was amazing with public relations and social media, she took over as their part-time manager. And Julie started writing songs with the band and she occasionally joined them on stage. They were all thinking it; that Julie should join the band, but it was a big step and no one wanted to bring it up first. "What do you need me for?" Luke asked. If he weren't so focused on his iced coffee (it was so delicious), he would have noticed she was pacing the small floor of her dorm and chewing nervously on her fingernails. When she didn't immediately reply, he looked up. "Jules, talk to me. What's up?" She stopped her pacing and moved to stand in front of him. He was gazing at her with soft brown eyes and she just wanted to melt because of how utterly adorable he looked. "I did a thing," she admitted, but didn't elaborate any further. "I do a lot of things every day, Jules. You'll need to give me a bit more than that," he replied with a smirk. Julie still appeared uneasy so Luke reached out and tapped her fingers with his in a comforting gesture. "Come on. Did you kill someone? Are we getting rid of a body? I don't care what it is, but you'll have to tell me if I'm going to become an accessory." His goal was to elicit some type of reaction and he was graced with a small smile. "My Tia has been on my back about not having a boyfriend for a while now, so a while back I told her I had a boyfriend because it's not like she would ever meet him and I could just say we broke up or something," she gushed out in one large breath. Luke blinked, hiding a smirk so she didn't slap him and crawl back into her shell. "But the entire family is getting together for Christmas and she just assumed I was bringing my boyfriend and then when I tried to explain, she mentioned you by name and I just kind of blanked and basically, my whole family thinks you're my boyfriend and you're coming to spend Christmas with me." Julie expected him to look surprised, or even angry, but definitely horrified. So, she was shocked when he merely took another sip of his iced coffee and smiled at her. "Cool. When do we leave?" "Wait — what?" "I'm assuming we're leaving after exams, right?" He continued on speaking as if she wasn't gaping in his direction. He proceeded to pull out his phone from his front pocket and open his calendar. "My last exam is on the 22nd. Does that work for you?" Julie blinked. What the hell was happening? "But — aren't you — Luke, did you hear what I said?" He looked up at her with teasing eyes. "Yeah, Jules, I did. What about it?" "And you're okay with that?" Luke shrugged. "Well, let's weigh it out. Pros: I get to eat delicious food, hang out with my best friend and avoid the Patterson household. Cons: I can't really think of any, can you?" "Well — I — God, I am so confused right now." "Don't sweat it, Jules," Luke smiled charmingly and if Julie wasn't at a loss for words already, she definitely was now. "I'm excited. Plus, you know I love spending time with you," he added in a flirty tone. One problem with Luke? He was unbelievably flirtatious. Julie doesn't even think he's aware; it's mostly because he's incredibly kind and such a people's person, that his friendly approach comes off flirty. And it normally would be fine. Except he's basically the man of her dreams, and even when he merely smiled at her, her brain short-circuited. So, handling his flirty behaviour when it's directed at her? Honestly, she feels like she needs a crash cart with her at all times. "But like, they think we're dating, Luke," she clarified because she honestly didn't think he understood what he was getting himself into. She loved her family with all her heart, but they could be incredibly invasive and nosy. It's why she loved them, but also why she despised bringing anyone around. “You’re going to have to act as if you like me.” His smirk returned; he seemed to be enjoying this way too much. “I do like you, Jules.” She ignored the butterflies battling to the death under her ribcage. “Don’t be cute,” she admonished with a huff, “You’ll have to act like you’re in love with me.” “Okay,” he shrugged. Sometimes he was the most carefree, loveable dumbass in the world and it infuriated her to no end. “That doesn’t sound that hard. What’s not to love?” Julie was starting to get flustered and he was seemingly going along with everything she said, so she didn’t see much of a point to this conversation anymore. “Okay,” she agreed, nodding. “Then we’ll leave the day after exams. We’ll probably need to set some rules or something, but we have time for that. Deal?” She held out her hand in between them. Luke glanced at it and then back at her with an amused smile on his lips. He waited a moment before grasping her hand in his, chuckling. “Yeah, deal.” When he let go of her hand, he proceeded to flop back on her bed, while she headed straight for the iced coffee she hadn’t gotten a chance to drink yet. “Hey, Luke?” She called out and he hummed in response. “Thank you for this. It means a lot and I appreciate it. And you. I appreciate you.”

Luke pushed himself up on his elbows, shooting her a wickedly bright smile. “Anything for you, Jules. Or should I say muffin?” “Hell no. Never repeat that again.” “Yes, ma’am.” It was very clear who would be wearing the pants during their relationship.

The flight from New York City to Los Angeles was approximately six hours, which gave Julie and Luke ample time to hammer out the details of their newfound relationship. It also helped to distract Julie from the fact that she was essentially flying a metal death trap; it’s not that she hated flying, it just always made her uneasy. And because it was Christmas time, the flight was crammed. Luke had humbly offered her the window seat while he took the middle; his neighbour ended up being a sweet old man who slept for most of the flight. “If you squeeze the armrest any harder, you’re going to break your nails. Or a finger.” Julie relaxed her grip; it was a force of habit. “Sorry,” she replied sheepishly. “You can squeeze my hand instead if you want,” he offered, turning his palm to face up. It was a tempting offer, but things were already about to get complicated enough, so she needed to keep her head clear. So, she politely shook her head and spoke instead. “Okay, I need to be distracted. Let’s talk rules.” “Just the words every man wants to hear,” he quipped sarcastically. Luke had opted for a very casual airport look. He had his signature orange beanie pulled over his head, with a black hoodie and matching sweatpants; he completed the look with a pair of runners and his backpack. Even though he was dressed as casual as possible, Julie thought he never looked better. She had opted for a casual look too; an NYU hoodie with black leggings and her favourite white converse. Comfort was key on airplanes. “What, let me guess. You think we should go rogue and forget rules.” Luke laughed, shooting her a quick look from her left. “Yeah, pretty much.” “And you think that’s a good idea?” “Yeah,” he added, turning slightly to face her. “Listen, we don’t need to make this difficult. We should just act normally around each other, maybe a bit more touching here and there, but just keep it overall simple. You just let me know anything you’re uncomfortable with and it’s completely off the table.” Julie nodded, biting her lip. “Okay, that makes sense. What about our story though? We need a good story." The smirk returned to his lips. “But we already have the best story. You dumping coffee all over the both of us is really a way to make a first impression.” “It was your coffee!” “You ran into me!” He laughed, gently poking her ribs. “And then you started crying, which I will admit, freaked me the hell out. But hey, it all worked out.” Julie rolled her eyes. “Fine. So, what’s the story? You fell in love with me because I just looked so fabulous crying?” “Definitely not,” he shot back in a teasing tone. “Keep it simple, Jules. We were friends and things just happened from there. When did you tell your Tia you got a boyfriend?” “Like four months ago maybe?” “Perfect,” he agreed. “But seriously Jules, you’ll tell me if you’re uncomfortable, right? I don’t want to do anything you’re not okay with.” Julie nodded, her heart warming at his wide, worried brown eyes. “Yeah, I’ll tell you. But you have to tell me too. This goes both ways.” “Please, Julie,” he scoffed, “You could push me in front of a bus and I’d be okay with it.” She punched at his bicep. “Shut up, you weirdo. I’m serious though. If my family is too much or you’re just not into it anymore, let me know. We’ll shut it down and leave.” “You worry too much,” he brushed her off, straightening in his seat and putting in an airpod. “It’s cute but don’t worry, I’m going to be the greatest fake boyfriend you’ve ever seen.” Julie didn’t doubt that for even a second. x When Julie called her dad to tell him she was bringing her boyfriend home for the holidays this year, he was absolutely ecstatic. He was just so incredibly happy for his daughter and unbelievably excited to meet the man Julie chose. He wasn’t like those dads who were overprotective and tried to scare the boyfriends off; he just genuinely wanted everyone to be happy. And he trusted Julie, and he trusted her to make smart decisions and surround herself with the best of people. She had been at university for three years now after all; if he didn’t trust her now, he never would. “Your dad’s picking us up?” Luke asked as he and Julie walked through customs. They had picked up their suitcases and were heading out into arrivals. Julie nodded. “Yeah. He’s excited to meet you. Are you nervous?” “Not really,” Luke shrugged. “We’ve technically spoken before on FaceTime. And I’m a people person; fathers love me.” Julie laughed, passing through the doors and maneuvering through the crowd waiting for their arrivals. “Mine definitely will. You two are both dorks.” “Hey!” Luke called out, genuinely offended. But Julie was too busy hurrying off to the side in the direction of a tall man. Luke assumed it was Julie’s father because she jumped on his unsuspecting back and when he whirled around to see her, there were unshed tears in his eyes. Julie wrapped her arms around her father’s neck. It always amazed Luke just how tiny she really was. But seeing her bury herself in her father’s chest reminded him all over again. After a moment, she pulled back and swiped at her face. Luke could only assume she teared up a little bit too. Julie whirled around to face Luke; her nose was red and she looked adorable. She held out a hand for him to take. “Dad, I want you to meet Luke.” “It’s so nice to officially meet you, Mr. Molina,” Luke greeted him politely. He reached out a hand for him to shake. “Call me Ray, we’re basically family!” Ray gushed, grabbing Luke’s hand and pulling him in for a hug instead. Something inside Julie started heating up. “I knew I recognized you. We’ve spoken before, haven’t we?” Luke nodded, a bright smile in his face because he couldn’t hold it back. “Yes, sir.” At Ray’s disapproving look, he stammered on. “I mean Ray, sorry. Force of habit.” “That’s good,” Ray winked, “You have good manners.” Looking between his daughter and Luke, Ray had never felt happier. “I’m so glad you’re both here. Are you ready to meet the family, Luke? We’re a tad bit wild.” Julie hopped into the conversation once again. “Don’t worry, I’ve briefed him.” Luke shared an amused look with Julie. “Yeah, I’m very ready. My family is quite the opposite, so I’m looking forward to some excitement.” “I’m glad to hear that. Should we get on the road? It’s getting late and you both are probably tired.” “Exhausted,” Julie huffed, reaching for her suitcase. Ray smacked her hand away and took it upon himself to roll it for her instead. With both hands now suddenly free, she happily slid one into Luke’s and together they followed Ray to the underground parking garage. She thought it might feel weird, pretending with Luke. But holding his hand felt natural and introducing him to her dad felt easy, almost as if it was meant to be. She knew the dangers of the comfort she was feeling, but she really couldn’t be bothered as she cuddled into Luke’s side when the cold air hit them. Julie climbed into the backseat with Luke, and it wasn’t long before her head started to feel heavy and she was having trouble keeping her eyelids open. Luke crept a hand along the seat, tapping on her thigh. With a start, she turned to him with tired eyes. He nodded his head in his direction and Julie took that as an invitation for her to slide over and lay her head on his shoulder. They’d taken naps together before, so this wasn’t unusual for them. They’ve always relied on touch to show their affection; their whole friend group did. It came with the territory of being so comfortable with a person that certain boundaries cease to exist. And her boundaries with Luke were blurred, and it was only getting worse as time passed by. Julie cuddled into Luke’s side once again. Her head rested on his shoulder and his hand moved to her leg. His touch seemed hesitant as he hovered above her knee but close to her thigh; he obviously wasn’t sure if this would make her uncomfortable and he didn’t want to risk it. Julie grabbed his wrist and set his hand down on her thigh, murmuring a quiet, “It’s okay.” That’s all the assurance he needed.

Luke met Ray’s eyes through the rearview mirror, and Ray smiled fondly.

When they arrived at Julie’s childhood home, Luke gently nudged Julie awake. “Hey, look where we are.” It took her a moment, but she finally pulled herself away from Luke. The sight of the house in which she grew up in was a sight to behold. She hadn't been back in quite a while (flights weren't cheap and school was killer). But seeing all the lights and decorations littering the house made her heart swell, and for the first time since she arrived, she was genuinely excited for the next few days. Luke and Ray took care of their suitcases while Julie rushed into the house, revelling in the warmth feeling of home. Everything looked exactly the same, save for the extravagant Christmas tree and decorations; Julie loved it. "Carlos is sleeping, but you can see him in the morning. I'll make breakfast," Ray told her, as he followed Luke into the house. "I'm sure you're both tired too. Julie, your room is all set up. I'll see you both in the morning, okay? Goodnight." When Ray was out of sight, Luke took a moment to look around the house. There were a number of decorations, but what really caught his eye were the multiple photo frames scattered around the room. He approached one on a side table; it was a young Julie encased in an older woman's arms. Their resemblance was uncanny, and Julie didn't talk much about her mom, but he knew. "Is this your mom?" He asked quietly when she came to stand next to him. Julie nodded. "She's beautiful." "Isn't she?" Julie murmured back. "Come on, let's go to bed." They grabbed their luggage and made their way upstairs. Julie's room looked exactly like Luke expected it to; it was a larger version of her dorm room, complete with soft colours and flower print. "I'm going to take a shower. Make yourself comfortable." With a sleepy smirk, he dropped his suitcase off to the side and collapsed face first onto her bed. "You know I will," he mumbled into the mattress.

Julie laughed with a roll of her eyes. She quickly dug through her suitcase to pull out the essentials and went across the hall to hope in the shower. There was nothing better than a nice, hot shower after a long and grimy plane ride, and Julie savoured every second. She changed into a pair of pj shorts and a NYU crew neck (she had a lot of NYU clothes). When she returned to her room, Luke had dozed off. “Get up,” she ordered as she walked over to his lifeless body. “Go take a shower. You stink.”

She poked at his cheek and he groaned. “You love it,” he mumbled into the pillow. “Debatable.” With another loud groan, he went over to his suitcase to grab his essentials. While she waited, she turned on her television and continued her New Girl rewatch (one of the best shows in existence). It was also a bad habit of hers to fall asleep watching Netflix on her laptop, but since she had her TV once again, that would do. When Luke returned, his hair was all wet and messy and so adorable. He was wearing an old band t-shirt and a pair of plaid pj bottoms, and he loudly dropped down beside Julie. He was so exhausted after travelling all day (not to mention the incessant studying/cramming he'd been doing the entire week for exams). All he wanted was to pass out and wake up the next morning feeling well rested and prepared to spend Christmas Eve with the Molina clan. "This okay?" He mumbled to Julie, but he was nearly clocked out. While he was laying down on his back, Julie was sitting up with her back rested against the headboard. She was mindlessly scrolling through her Instagram feed, but her eyelids were starting to droop. "Yeah, of course," Julie replied, reaching over to set her phone down on her bedside table. “How do you think this is going so far?” Luke had his eyes closed, but he wasn’t quite asleep yet. “Good,” he muttered, “Your dad is amazing.” “Yeah, he is,” Julie smiled proudly. She shimmied down in her bed after turning off the lamp and kept a respectable distance between her and Luke. They'd taken naps together before, but they'd never officially shared a bed for an entire night. If he or any of the boys stayed over, they always built a fort of blankets on the floor. She just wanted to make sure he was comfortable. "Are you okay? Is this weird?" He let out a sleepy chuckle. "It's not weird for me, Jules." After a moment, he turned to face her with a serious expression. "Is it weird for you? Want me to move to floor?" "No!" She objected, louder and quicker than she expected. Luke seemed to relax. "No, I'm fine. I just want to make sure you're comfortable with this." Luke's sleepy smile returned to his lips. "I'm always comfortable with you; you don't have to worry about me." "But I do," she added, a knowing lilt in her tone. He rolled his eyes lightly before settling back down comfortably. "We should sleep. Big day tomorrow." "Yeah," Julie sighed. She wasn't sure what the protocol here was; does she face him to sleep or does she turn away? Admittedly, it may be a bit challenging to sleep when staring at his serene, adorable face, but she decided to face him anyway. Luke popped open an eye, and a warm smile appeared on his lips. "Goodnight, Jules." He reached out a hand between them. It was a small, comforting gesture but that was Luke. He would do anything for the people he loved and it warmed Julie's heart to know she was one of those people. Her fingers met his and she intertwined their fingers gently. "Goodnight, Luke."

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everybodyscupoftea · 4 years ago

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chemistry

isaac lahey x reader

isaac needs help in chemistry and you need help in english - the beginning

this is for isaac anon and the few people that wanted this. i’m just dabbling here, so let me know if you guys want more! (i did quite a bit of Research for this and i have ideas)

also let me know, i left it vague, but if i expand i’m probably going to add in scott, stiles, allison, and lydia. would you guys like to keep it supernatural or do full au where they’re just normal college students?

You noticed the boy in your Intro to Academic Writing course, but you didn’t really focus on him, mostly due to freshman year stress, until he sat down next to you in General Chemistry. Stepping into the classroom you’d felt at ease, science was your jam, but the really cute boy put you back on edge. You felt hyperaware of him, his scent, kind of cinnamon-y, fall-esque.

He tapped his fingers on his notebook, and you couldn’t help but notice he wrote in green pen. You glanced every so often to see him doodling in the corner of the page instead of taking notes on the intro lesson on the scientific method that your professor was doing.

The boy rested his chin on his hand and his fingers went from tapping on the notebook to his jaw and you shook your head, trying to focus back on the professor who was talking about your lab groups.

“The people at your table are in your group. Lab is on Wednesday nights, I won’t be the instructor, you’ll have a TA, but you can email me or come to my office hours if you have any questions about what’s going on. I’ll see you all on Thursday.”

You started to pack your stuff and the boy turned to you with a crooked grin, “I’m Isaac.”

Shaking his hand, you introduced yourself and he stood, waiting for you to finish packing your stuff. You zipped your booksack, “You’re in my English class, right?” you asked, faking as if you didn’t notice him as soon as you stepped into the door.

He nodded, “Yeah, with Dr. Terranova.”

“He seems,” you trailed off, looking for the right word, “interesting.”

Isaac grinned, “You mean overwhelmingly picky for an English 101 professor?”

“That’s a great way to put it,” you told him, laughing.

The two of you walked out the door and down the hall together. Isaac shifted his booksack on his shoulders a little and asked, “Do you have any more classes today?”

“Calculus,” you told him and he grimaced.

“Fuck that.”

“You?”

He nodded, “Spanish.”

Unfortunately for you, the buildings were on opposite ends of campus, so you paused just outside the door to the chemistry building. Isaac paused too and smiled, “See you tomorrow night?”

“See you tomorrow, Isaac.”

Your lab group was made up of two boys and two girls. Isaac, Andrew, Abigail, and you. Out of the group, you were the only STEM major, and the only one who actually liked chemistry. Isaac patted your shoulder, “Well, that officially makes you team captain then.”

“Thank god,” Abigail added, “I’m an advertising major, my brain noped out of the sciences years ago.”

The other guy, Andrew, said, “I took Chem 2 in high school and didn’t pass the AP exam, chemistry and I have beef.”

You snorted and said, “Cool, well, I’ll try and lead us to the promised land.” They seemed to like that.

Your group was really smart, everyone was picking up the labs really easily and you were thrilled, especially when the teacher stood in front of the class after the first test review. She clapped her hands once, “Okay, the lab group with the highest combined test average gets five bonus points added to their test scores. This is me trying to get you guys familiar with study groups, especially if you’re going to be in STEM, which I know some of you are. Study groups got me through school.”

Unfortunately, everyone in your lab group already had stuff going on, so you couldn’t study with them. Fortunately, the test was on intro stuff like the scientific method, conversions, and balancing equations, and your group hadn’t had any issues in any of the lab work, so you weren’t worried.

But when you got the test back, you realized, maybe you should’ve been. Isaac got his handed back first and actually laughed when he looked at the grade. Before you could ask, the professor set yours down on the desk and you started flipping through it, frowning at the little points you’d had taken off for careless mistakes.

“Fuck,” you muttered, “should’ve gotten at least a 97.”

“Wow, can’t believe you fucked it up for the whole group,” Isaac sarcastically responded, nudging you with his elbow, before sliding his test on top of yours. He nudged you again, “As you can see, I’m carrying the team,” and he motioned toward the D written in bright red at the top of his paper.

Your mouth dropped open and you picked the test up, flipping through to see what he’d missed. Eyebrows furrowed, you looked over at him, “You should tell her you accidentally skipped the back page.”

“Oh, it wasn’t an accident, I just didn’t know how to do it.”

“Well,” you stuttered, “it was the same stuff we did in the last lab activity.”

Isaac nodded, “Yes it is, and I didn’t understand it then either.”

“I thought,” you paused, mind racing, “I thought we all did?”

He grinned at you, “Some of us aren’t science brains, my friend.”

“What are you?” you asked as the class started to pack up.

With a soft smile, he threw his booksack over his shoulder, “I’m a literature major.”

You didn’t mean to think about it as much as you did, but when 2 a.m. rolled around and you were at your most impulsive you couldn’t stop yourself from sending out a text.

Hey, do you maybe want to meet up and study sometime?

After hitting send you could’ve slammed your head into a wall. You locked your phone and put your head in your hands, “God damnit.” And then your phone dinged.

I’d love that, love to have a STEM genius in my corner.

Your cheeks heated as you read it and your mind raced with your heart. It was beating harder and part of you couldn’t even believe he’d said yes. Taking a breath to steady yourself, you responded.

Idk about genius but I’m not half bad at chem

He responded, even faster than the first time and you grinned, unable to stop it from overtaking your face.

I may not know much about the scientific method or whatever, but all evidence suggests otherwise, genius

The next test wasn’t for a few weeks, but Isaac wanted to start studying earlier. He suggested meeting at a coffee shop called The Beanery. Coffee shops weren’t really your jam, you liked the silence of the fourth floor of the library. Go early, get a table, put in head phones, and go to work. But, you were open to try Isaac’s suggestion.

It was brightly lit when you walked in, and he was already there, at a table in the corner, laptop out. Books were spread across the tabletop, and he already had two empty mugs on the table in front of him, leg bouncing as he aimlessly chewed on a pen.

Shaking yourself out of staring, you walked to the counter to order. Isaac smiled up at you when you made it to the table with your coffee.

“Welcome,” he told you, moving some of his books out of the way. Sitting up straighter, Isaac glanced around, “What do you think about this place?”

“It’s nice, definitely a change of pace from my norm.”

“Where’s that then?”

“Library, fourth floor.”

“Quiet up there, huh?”

“Yeah, but I listen to some music for background.”

“I like coffee shops,” Isaac said, closing his laptop, “the vibes are nice and my clothes always smell like coffee afterward which is a fun bonus.”

At his comment, you looked down at his clothes. You were a little surprised to see that he was dressed just like during the week: jeans, a nicer t-shirt, and a cardigan. You’d wondered, deep down, if he dressed nicer for class, but it didn’t seem the case. Isaac cleared his throat and your eyes snapped to his face, ears burning when you saw him staring at you in amusement.

Coughing quietly, you reached for your booksack, “So, chemistry. Do you understand what we’ve been going over?”

“I know they’re called Bohr models but I don’t know anything else about them.”

“Right, so,” you paused a minute, trying to figure out where to start, “it’s a way to draw an atom and it’s kind of like a planet.”

Isaac leaned forward through your explanation, resting most of his weight on his elbows, and tapped the green pen against his lower lip. Every so often he’d ask a question, shift a little and write something down in his notebook by whatever he’d scribbled in class. His questions were shockingly insightful, and you eagerly answered them all.

By the time you’d gotten through the basics of thermodynamics, he’d added a whole page of notes, and you could tell he was starting to lose interest. Shutting your notebook, you told him, earnestly, “I hope this helped a little.”

“I promise,” he looked you straight in the eye, “it makes sense. This all looked like a foreign language before we met up.”

“Good,” you nodded, “this is my jam.”

“Keep on spreading it,” he joked and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well,” you admitted, “you may not be good at chem but you’d kick my ass into next week in English.”

“How’s your paper going?” Isaac asked, leaning back and crossing his arms, looking genuinely interested.

“It’s…going.”

He snorted, “That doesn’t sound promising.”

“Yeah neither does my thesis.”

“Do you have your laptop?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me have a look,” he suggested.

Pulling up the word doc, you passed your laptop over, staring down at your hands, twiddling your thumbs, a little nervously, as he read through your rough draft.

“What did Dr. Terranova have to say in your conference?” he asked, pushing your laptop away.

You sighed, “He was less than complimentary.”

Isaac laughed, “It’s not that bad, but it could use some polishing. I can help of course.”

Relief washed over you and you felt a weight off your shoulders, “That would be incredible actually.”

“There, now we’re even. You tutor me in chemistry and I’ll make sure you pass English, starting with this rough, and emphasis on rough, draft.”

Reaching across the table, you shoved at his hand, “Be gentle.”

“I’m going to get another chai,” he said, standing to stretch a bit, “and you pick out what sentence exactly you think is your thesis. We’ll start there.”

Biting your lip to conceal a grin, you nodded, waking your laptop back up.

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