#I think you'll know based on what I repost the most

[dreamayy]

The problem us I'm not that good at making fics, so I might make it with an Oc of mine and not reader-insert (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

[eternalbuckley]

Together. — aemond targaryen

SUMMARY: Aemond and you still love each other even if you weren't together anymore. So what happens if you're hanging out with your shared group friends and he invites you to a drink in his apartment? You might end up tangled with each other in his bed and talk about your feelings the next morning.

word count: 5,658

genre: slight angst with fluff, smut with plot | afab!reader, queer!reader, bipoc!reader and plus-size!reader friendly

warnings/tropes: modern au, 18+ MDNI!! NSFW (this part is divided with dividers so you can skip the actual smut part if you want), p in v sex, no use of protection (wrap it up folks thanks), cunnilingus, creampie (again, use protection), descriptions of alcohol use, mention of tipsy reader and aemond, slight cursing, use of they pronoun once, english is not my first language, slightly proofread — if I forgot something, please let me know!

a/n: it's my first time writing p in v smut, so please bear with me, i'm still trying to figure it out! this entire fanfic turned out to be the longest piece i've ever written lmao.i hope you'll enjoy it <3 reblogs, likes and comments are appreciated and highly welcomed!

disclaimer: please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work or post this anywhere without my consent. do not translate my work and post it anywhere — i give you no permission to do that. i only post my stories here, so if you find my work anywhere else please let me know!

18+ MDNI divider by cafekitsune

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The breakup between Aemond and you was mutually decided. Both of you were quite busy with your jobs and barely had time for each other anymore, which ended in a lot of arguments. Many of them were based on miscommunication or if anyone of you felt like the other one wasn’t giving them enough attention and love. This was the reason why you both mutually decided to break up after you’ve been together for a few years, both of you thinking it was the best decision during this time.

You still loved and cared for each other, but it wasn’t the right time to be with each other, as each one of you had a stressful period of your life, and the constant arguments outweighed most of the soft moments between you. You tried to be each other’s support, but it ended up in the opposite way during this time. It was clear, to everyone who knew you, that you two were still longing for each other over the months since you broke up. You tried dating other people in hopes you could fill the void that has been there ever since you parted ways, but it didn’t work out for either of you.

Aemond and you shared the same group of friends, or at least shared a few friends that hang out together every two to three weeks. Two times you and Aemond invited the people you were seeing to hang out with your friends. Meaning you and him would see each other as well. This didn’t work out quite well because the people you were seeing noticed how you and Aemond constantly looked in each other’s direction. They quickly realized that neither Aemond nor you stopped loving one another or knew that you still had some sort of feelings for the other one, even if you both tried to ignore or deny it, you knew the truth.

Your friends noticed this longing dynamic between you two ever since you told them that you decided to part ways for now. No one could say that they didn’t see the longing stares both of you had whenever the other one wasn’t looking, or the gentle touches you had on each other from time to time that were just lingering quite too long for friends.

Many times, Aemond would ask his sister, Helaena, who was one of your closest friends, if you had already found someone else or how you were doing. Especially if he noticed that you seemed off one day you and your friends hung out, he’d immediately try to find a moment to get to text or talk to Helaena alone and ask her about it. If she was able to tell him something, she would give him a few details. And you would do the same if you noticed something different about him and asked Helaena most of the time. Sometimes you would go to Aegon, in hopes that he hopefully might know something. It would depend on the situation. It was hard to ignore or deny that you two still deeply cared about each other.

Both of you were currently hanging out with your friends again, sitting next to Helaena and having your legs over hers as you laughed with her. Watching the boys as they turned on the fire of the campfire. Aemond sat opposite from you and Helaena and tried not to look over at you too much and to focus more on the conversation he had with one of your friends. It was a cozy and quiet night; everyone was having a good time. Helaena excused herself for a moment to get herself another drink as you took a swig from your own bottle. You noticed how she slightly nodded in Aemond’s direction as she went back into the kitchen of the house. A few seconds later, you saw how he slowly walked over to you.

“Can I sit down?” He asked with a soft tone in his voice and motioned to the seat next to you. You looked up to him and nodded, slightly scooting to the side to make more room for him to sit down. Your arms brushed against one another as he sat down next to you, sending a slight shiver down your spine, but you tried to play it down and didn’t pay attention to it.

You took another swig from your bottle, even if it was almost empty. You could have gotten up to get another bottle, but you didn’t want to ruin the moment with Aemond. You haven’t really had any conversations with him in the past few weeks, only having your eyes on each other. It was quite a comfortable atmosphere between you, as you watched the fire and listened to its crackles, but he had his eyes on you, admiring you as the fire cast a beautiful light on your face. He reached out and removed something from your hair, causing you to look at him for a moment, slightly confused. But in the short moment his fingers brushed over your hair sent a warmth through your body.

“It was just a tiny bug,” he tried to keep his voice low. Your lips turned into a small smile, “Thank you.”

Neither of you really knew what to say, you wanted to have a conversation with him, but you didn’t quite know what you could talk about. You could have asked him about his life, what he was up to at the moment, but you weren’t sure if he was even ready to talk about it.

As you wanted to ask something he got pulled away by Aegon. “Sorry, my lady,” he had his hands on Aemond’s shoulders and grinned, “I need my brother for a moment! He will be back at your service in a moment,” he giggled, clearly drunk as he dragged Aemond away.

You sighed with a smile on your lips and didn’t stop him, sometimes it was hilarious when Aegon was drunk. Occasionally, you wished things were different, but it was what you and Aemond had decided, so you must stick with it. You slowly nodded to yourself and got into the house to get another bottle, joining Helaena and completely missing the way Aemond longingly looked over to you as his brother talked his ear off.

A few hours later, you were talking with Helaena again, sitting together with Aemond on a bench in front of the campfire. He sat next to you, and you felt the warmth of the flames and his body, it was a pleasant feeling that filled you. His arm was resting behind you on the backrest of the bench you were sitting on. Helaena left you and Aemond alone for a moment after she had finished her story.

When she left, he slightly leaned into you and whispered into your ear, his voice casual. “Would you mind joining me for a drink back in my apartment?” He was nervous about how you would react. He already expected that you would refuse him, but he raised his eyebrows for a short moment as you accepted his invitation. Aemond cleared his throat and nodded, happy that you said yes.

A few minutes later you and him said your goodbyes to your friends. Helaena had a smirk on her lips as she hugged you. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do with my partner, babe,” she teased you and whispered into your ear.

He was slightly nervous as he led you to his car and opened the passenger side for you. You occasionally looked at each other during the drive to his apartment but didn’t really talk with each other, perhaps both of you were too nervous?

One drink turned into two, and two into three. Both of you were slightly tipsy by now and were talking with each other as if nothing had ever happened. You sat next to each other on his couch, and he had one arm on the backrest, resting behind your head. Your legs were slightly bent in his direction. You noticed the way he looked down at them sometimes, and you wished he’d just grab them, but both of you knew that neither of you would dare to cross the line without completely knowing if the other one wanted it too. But you both wanted it deeply. The conversation died down between you a few minutes ago, you’ve just looked at each other. The air had already been thick before, but it was getting worse in that very moment. You found yourself looking down on his lips, and he did too. Both of you leaned into each other but stopped when you were only a few movements away from each other’s faces. Should you really give in to what you’ve wanted ever since you broke up all these months ago or not?

You felt his breath on your face and just wanted to give in, you wanted to feel his lips on yours so badly. You could swear you stopped breathing when he carefully brushed your hair out of your face and cupped your cheek, you leaned into his touch and held his gaze.

“Aemond…” You dared to break the silence with a shaky whisper. You craved his touch, as much as he craved yours. Your lips were parted as your gaze went down to his lips.

“Tell me to stop if you don’t want it,” he looked up from your lips into your eyes to find any hesitance, but he saw the way your pupils dilated as he held your gaze again. “I don’t want you to stop,” you whispered eagerly and hummed as he immediately captured your lips in a passionate and desperate kiss. Both of your tensed shoulders relaxed eventually,

His hand still cupped your cheek, stroking it with his thumb, your hand found his cheeks immediately and pulled him into you, while his other arm, which was resting on the backrest of his couch, wrapped around your waist to pull you into his lap. You straddled him and deepened the kiss as both of you opened your mouth to feel each other’s tongue, completely losing yourselves in the kiss. It’s what you’ve both been craving, and neither of you wanted to stop the moment. You didn’t want to think of the possible outcome or how it would change the current dynamic between you two, maybe you would find your way back to each other or it wouldn’t change a thing. Maybe it would just stay at making out with each other, but both of you wanted and needed more.

He missed to feel your skin against his, the way your curves felt when he traced them. The way you’d always react to his touch, arching your back whenever his hand found its way between your thighs. The way you always reacted to his kisses, whether it was a more heated or soft and slow kiss. You loved each of them, and so did he. Aemond loved the way your hands felt on his skin, the way you’d always end up tracing his arms, hands or face whenever you cuddled or were next to each other. He appreciated and missed these moments with you. It may only have been a few months since you two broke up, but the more intimate moments between you had been missing way before you eventually parted ways.

Both of you slowly pulled away from each other, faces still close as you spoke against his lips. “Are you sure we should be doing this?” You whispered, your voice slightly raspy from the lack of air in your lungs. Both of his hands had found their way to your hips and gently circled his fingers on your clothed skin, squeezing your skin.

He nodded. “I… I just need you, darling. I’m sure,” his voice was low and raspy as well. His good eye filled with desire as you looked at him and kissed him again. “Me too,” you whispered between kisses.

Aemond lifted you by gripping down on your thighs and placed you underneath him on the couch. He pulled away from you with a cheeky smile and kneeled in front of you as he pulled you on the edge of his couch. His hands roamed over your thighs to the button of your pants. Aemond looked up to you, slightly asking if he could continue. You nodded and didn’t break eye contact with him as he slowly opened the button of your pants and motioned for you to lift your hips so he could pull off your pants. His gaze never left yours, and he noticed the way you had your lower lip between your teeth as you lifted your hips eagerly, knowing what would follow. His fingers gently traced over your now exposed skin. His lips found the skin of your hip bone, which was still covered only seconds ago. His eye closed for a moment to capture this moment in his mind.

He pressed open kisses on your covered and uncovered skin, “I missed this so much,” he mumbled as he firmly but also gently gripped down your thighs while looking up at you again, silently asking if he could part your legs. You slightly sat up and parted them, causing him to smirk and move between them. His hands brushed over the flesh of your thighs and caressed them as he slowly moved them up to brush over your panties. Your breath hitched as he brushed over your still-clothed heat.

“Please, Aemond,” you whimpered as he teased your clothed clit with his finger while a smirk was on his lips. You hated how desperate you were for him, but you finally needed to feel him again. In every way you could have him. “Don’t tease me now.”

“Very well,” he hooked his fingers with the fabric of your panties on your hips and slowly pulled them down. You lifted your hips again, so it was easier for him to take your panties off.

A soft hum left his lips as soon as he tossed your panties away and saw your already glistening heat. He leaned down and pressed more kisses on the area of your heat, but not where you needed him. It frustrated you, and that made him chuckle. He always used to love to tease you, but he knew it wasn’t the perfect time for that right now, as it only tortured him as well. He couldn’t wait any longer and just wanted to get his mouth on you, his growing bulge in his pants could wait for a few moments. He wanted to give you the pleasure first. A moan left your lips as soon as he pressed his lips on your clit and made eye contact with you again. Aemond took a long drag through your slit with his tongue, your mouth stayed slightly open. He groaned into you as you grabbed one of his hands that were still on your thighs and held on to him as he devoured your cunt. He missed those pretty sounds that left your lips, especially how you tasted. For a short moment his mind went completely blank.

He started sucking on your clit and licked through your folds, causing you to tighten your grip on his hand, nails digging into his skin and your moans to get louder. He flicked his tongue in long and slower licks and changed the technique every so often to a faster and shorter pace. Completely devouring everything he could get from you. You didn’t even think about keeping it quiet, as it was overwhelming to feel his tongue on you. All the build-up tension over the past months is finally being relieved. Who would be better than him? No one.

You felt the all too well-known knot in your stomach, signalling that you were close to your climax. Aemond knew you were close as he noticed the way your panting increased, and your head fell back against the backrest of his couch. You cried out for more and wrapped one of your legs over his shoulder, which caused him to moan into you.

“Fuck– Aemond, I’m close! I…” Your grip on his hand tightened even more, if that was even possible, your back arched, and eyes closed as you focused on the building pleasure in your stomach.

“Don’t hold yourself back, darling. Come all over my face,” he panted against your cunt and got his mouth back on your swollen clit to sloppily circle his tongue around it, savouring each second while being between your thighs. Your mind turned blank as he continued to pleasure you, he still knew how to take care of you perfectly.

A strangled moan left your lips as you came on his tongue a few moments later, your legs slightly shaking as he fucked you with his tongue through your orgasm. Aemond could swear he almost lost his mind as he heard your moan and tasted you on his tongue, his hips humping into his couch. A soft chuckle left your lips as you exhaled and looked down at him. He was still kneeling between your legs, and his chin was glistening with your arousal and some of his spit. After you gained some strength again, you leaned forward and kissed him while your hands were on his cheeks, moaning as you tasted yourself.

“You did so well for me,” he praised you with a whisper as he pulled away from the kiss. “Can I take you to my bed or do you–“

“Please,” you nodded eagerly with a hushed voice, “Please do, Aemond.”

He gently picked you up, his hands digging into the skin of your thighs and placed open kisses on your exposed neck as he carried you into his bedroom, kicking the door as you were inside to close it behind him. He carefully placed you on his bed and hovered over you as he continued to kiss your neck and jaw. Your hands found the hem of his shirt and pulled on it, he moved his head away from your neck so you could pull off his shirt. You tossed it somewhere into his room, not caring about where it landed and traced his chest tenderly. He captured your lips in a kiss, his hips slightly buckling against you as you wrapped your legs around his hips to pull him closer to you. You took off the rest of your clothes from each other in a few motions, leaving both of you naked as you straddled his lap. His hands roamed over your thighs, caressing them as you leaned down to leave kisses on his chest while feeling his length underneath you.

He sharply inhaled as you wrapped one hand around his aching cock and stroked him a few times which already left him gripping down on your thighs, and he wasn’t even inside you yet. You smirked because of his reaction, you understood how he felt and eventually positioned his tip at your entrance and slowly sank down on his length, feeling how he stretched your walls. A low, needy moan escaped both of your lips, your hands on his chest, holding him down on his mattress, and his were holding you by your hips. You waited a few moments before you started to roll your hips, finding a pleasant rhythm for both of you. Aemond was completely at your mercy, it took him his entire strength not to come immediately. The sounds you made and how your hands roamed over his torso only added more levels to the pleasure he felt because of you. His body shivered, and his heartbeat increased. He felt you clenching around him and groaned with a hitched sound.

“Fuck you feel so good, darling,” he moaned. Your gazes met again, and you wished you could stay like this for eternity. His face was flushed, his back slightly arched, and his mouth agape as he didn’t hold back any sounds anymore.

This only reminded you of the beginning of your relationship, he barely voiced any hints of his pleasure and barely made any sounds whenever you slept with each other, but over the time, he let his walls down and started to be more vocal. This meant the time you were apart didn’t change that factor about him, and you loved it even more. You slightly leaned forward, feeling him deeper inside of you and grabbed his hands to intertwine your fingers, the slightly changed position adding more pleasure to both of you.

You continued to roll your hips and to hold eye contact with him, moaning his name repeatedly. After a while, you pulled him up against you, a soft gasp leaving your mouth as you captured his lips in a heated, passionate kiss, and he wrapped his arms around your waist. You wrapped your arms around his neck and stopped moving for a short moment, enjoying the close and intimate moment between you as you kissed each other. He lifted you from his cock in a quick movement, both of you whimpering at the loss of each other. He rolled on top of you and gently placed you underneath him, your legs on either side of his while he slowly slid into you again and captured your lips in a kiss again. A soft gasp left your lips, and he used the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth. He held him up with one arm while the other held you by your hip and thrust into you with a steady, slow pace. He swallowed your moans as he continued kissing you. You gripped on his biceps, leaving crescent marks in his skin and had your eyes shut.

He fastened his pace as he felt you clenching around him.  “I can’t get enough of you, darling,” his voice hitched as his climax neared, “I don’t think I can go much longer.”

Skin slapping against each other, and moans filled the room. He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck and placed sloppy kisses on there as his hips snapped against yours. You knew he was getting close to his climax as his movements were getting sloppier. He tried to hold on, wanting to get you close for a second time the night, but it only left him whimpering against your lips as he kissed them.

“You can come inside me, Aemond,” you panted, your eyelids half-lidded as you met his gaze. “Are… Are you sure?” His breath hitched in his throat. He groaned after you nodded and lifted his head, so he could look at you as he thrusts into you once more before you felt his seed filling you up, his cock twitching inside of you.

He had a satisfied expression and moved one hand between your bodies, his thumb rubbing on your clit to get you over the edge as well while he continued to thrust into you. A cry left your mouth, and you pulled his face close to yours.

“Come for me, angel,” he exhaled.

You clenched around him, which caused him to whimper from feeling slightly overstimulated as you came shortly after him all over his cock, your legs shaking and moaning. He continued to pound into you in a slow pace to help you ride out your climax. Both of you tried to catch your breaths from the pleasure you both just felt after months of not feeling it both of you fucked out. With a low whimper, he slowly pulled out of you, and collapsed on top of you, your arms wrapped around him. Both of your bodies were covered in sweat and were heated up, your chests heaving. His face was in the crook of your neck, your fingers gently tracing his back, which caused him to get goosebumps. He occasionally placed soft kisses on your neck while he gently traced the sides of your body. After a while, he got up and helped you to get up, holding you as your legs slightly gave up for a short moment.

“Do you want me to help you clean up?” Aemond asked, a tender tone in his voice, but you shook your head. “You can wait in your bed for me,” you smiled at him affectionally, which he happily returned. He was happy that you would be staying over the night. He gave you his shirt so you could go to the toilet after he made sure you were able to stand. When you came back, he already laid in his bed and waited for you to join him. He pulled the blanket over you and him.

Neither of you said anything and just enjoyed the moment while it lasted, even if it meant you wouldn’t speak about it the next morning and act like you just didn’t have your best sex in a long while. Both of you wrapped your arms around each other as you slowly drifted off to sleep. You and I finally had a good sleep after months again, laying arm in arm felt right. And it was right, was it?

A soft hum left your lips as you slowly woke up the next morning, feeling completely comfortable but slightly sore. Your eyes immediately opened and widened as you realized where you were and what you did last night with Aemond. Your back was turned towards him with his arm loosely over your waist. You let out a quiet sigh and slowly wiggled yourself out of his grip, trying not to wake him up. After you successfully got out of his bed without waking him up, you noticed that you were wearing his shirt. As you picked up your shirt, you quietly left his bedroom and got dressed after you picked up your panties and pants that were in his living room. You put his shirt on the backrest of his couch as memories from last night flooded your mind. The pleasure you felt, god it was so fucking good. You missed him and how well he always treated you and exactly knew how to get you over the edge quickly, but what if he regretted it? You didn’t want to face him or the situation, you were afraid of what could happen when he would wake up.

You deeply inhaled and made your way to the door to put your shoes back on, took your handbag and were ready to leave without saying goodbye. But you sighed as you grabbed the door handle.

What if this night was a sign for both of you? What if that was the sign that you were ready to be with each other again?

You cursed yourself, took off your shoes again and left your handbag on the floor next to them. You were willing to see what could and would happen as soon as he would wake up. You decided to wait until he did, waiting on his couch. Saying you weren’t nervous would be a lie. While you waited, you paced his living room a few times, thinking about what you could possibly say to him.

You nervously waited almost an hour until you heard noises from his bedroom. He woke up with a low groan and stretched his body, the events from last night filling his mind immediately. He sighed as he opened his eyes, rubbed his good eye and noticed that the side you slept on was already empty. He immediately sat up, and his eye roamed the room, he noticed that your shirt wasn’t on the floor anymore. ‘They already left…’ He thought and groaned as he cursed himself for having possibly ruined the only chance to get back together with you. He wanted to make things right and give you the love you deserved, not like this immediately.

What if the events of last night chased you away from him even further? What if there was no chance left anymore with you?

You fiddled with your fingers and immediately looked up from them as you saw him walking out of his bedroom. He yawned and rubbed his good eye again. Maybe he hasn’t noticed you yet? But as soon as his eye focused on you, he stopped in his tracks. “I… I thought you had already left.”

“I… Well, I was about to leave but…” You stood up from his couch, “But I don’t think this would have been my best option.”

 “Oh… I…” He slowly nodded, considering what to say, and walked into his kitchen, which was connected to his living room. You nervously fiddled with your fingers and followed his movements with your eyes but didn’t move the rest of your body. “I’m glad you didn’t leave,” he mumbled as he made himself a coffee, but you heard him, and a small smile formed on your lips.

“Do you want one as well?” He pointed to his coffee mug, but you shook your head and thanked him for the offer. He poured the coffee into his mug after it was done brewing and then walked up to you.

Both of you sat down next to each other, but there was a tiny distance between you. Neither of you said anything for a moment until he broke the tense silence between you. “Do you… Want to talk about last night?” He spoke softly, the nervousness in his voice was noticeable.

You nodded and turned your gaze in his direction, turning your body towards him, “I think we should.” Aemond inhaled and nodded as well, unsure what to say for a moment before he continued. “Do you regret it?”

“No,” you paused for a moment, “Not at all.” His shoulders relaxed immediately, “Neither do I.”

“Can I be honest with you?” You asked, a hint of nervousness in your voice again. After he nodded, you continued, “I… Uhm… I miss you. I miss us. I know we decided to part ways because of all the things that were going on back then but… I never stopped thinking about you or the time we shared. And last night… Maybe it was a sign? And maybe it was what we needed to realize that we’re ready to be with each other again.”

Aemond didn’t respond immediately, he was quite stunned, but he felt the same and agreed with you completely. He noticed how you continued to fiddle with your fingers and put down his coffee mug to gently lean to you and grab your hands to distract you. The contact calmed you down a little bit. You looked down at your hands as he brushed over the top of your hands with his thumbs. He still knew what calms you down, and you appreciated it a lot.

“I feel the same, darling,” he whispered softly, “I tried to move on, but it was impossible. There was always something missing in my life without you. I couldn’t stop looking at you whenever we hung out with our friends, and I…” He paused, “I still love you. I never stopped loving you, and when I woke up and thought you had already left, I was angry with myself for possibly having ruined any chances with you. You’re… You’re simply the best thing that has happened to me, and I don’t want to lose you entirely.”

You squeezed his hand and looked at him, “Nothing is ruined. I… I never stopped loving you either, Aemond.” You loved him, you always have. Many nights, you’ve found yourself thinking about the rest of your life with him together. How you’d grow old with him, maybe living somewhere peaceful. Together. Maybe you’d have a dog or more than one? Maybe a cat? Or any other animals you could take care of together. Both of you even had thought about adopting a dog or cat together when you were still together. You two already had different name ideas, one of them being Vhagar.

He smiled and scooted closer to you to lean his forehead against yours while he still held your hands tightly and gently. Maybe you were able to have a chance again. “Do you want to give us… Maybe another chance? I… I can’t continue living like this anymore. Every night, I think about you before I fall asleep, and you’re the first thought in the morning when I wake up. Wishing you were in my arms like you always used to. I just… Miss it,” he admitted quietly. His vulnerability was noticeable.

“I’d like to try again,” you smiled while tears built up in your eyes, completely out of happiness. You’ve been hoping for this moment for so long, and now you were sitting here together. Where it all started first because the first kiss you had with him before you were a couple happened in this apartment, on his couch in the same place you sat on currently.

Both of you smiled and fondly looked at one another before you eventually finally leaned in and captured his lips in a slow and tender kiss. He continued to brush his thumb over your hand and hummed into the kiss with a smile. He was truly happy. He pulled you into a hug after you pulled away from each other, stroking your head as he put his on top of yours. You closed your eyes and wrapped your arms around his waist. It was everything you needed, and maybe the break between you was needed to find each other again with a better mindset.

“I missed this,” you whispered after a while. “I missed this too. I missed you,” he admitted and kissed the top of your head. You finally had him back, he was your safe space, and you were his. And you both won’t let the other one go again. No matter what, you’d be able to get through everything together.

[olderthannetfic]

Being a trans man and not being an anti is also isolating, which is part of why I think trans guys gravitate towards either being an anti or reposting anti posts. If you're not an anti, you get booted from discord servers, blocked on social media at best or sent misgendering rape threats, death threats and suicide bait by other trans men at worst, and now that I'm in college I've found IRL that not being an anti makes a lot of people in queer spaces available to the average college student incredibly uncomfortable. So you have to either be entirely alone - which is very difficult when you're young, queer, and just coming into your own identity - or you have to be around it a lot without saying a word. Agreeing with it at first wouldn't even be necessary. You just have to not say anything against it, and then you'll be able to be around other people.

It doesn't help that most trans men who get sucked into anti circles are teens at the time. There's 501 proposed anti-LGBT laws right now, not counting everything that has passed, the majority of it anti-trans. If you're a teenage boy seeing all this transphobia on the rise, you're going to feel powerless. Bullying people like antis do makes you feel power over at least a few people. Being told you can consume your way into being a good person via media intake makes you feel like you have power and control over at least that.

I was sucked in incrementally because I wasn't exposed to the more violent antis who fantasized about murder and hurting people for writing fiction, I met my only friend - who was an anti - after my dad had beaten me for coming out as trans, and I was sixteen. I got out when I was eighteen because once I went to live with my mom, a psychologist, she gently corrected me when I would say things that aren't based in fact. She pointed out how upset these people were making me. She taught me how to fact-check claims and look into the veracity of claims.

And when I tried to convey to my friends that no, what they were saying wasn't supported, they turned on me. Including the only person who had been there for me when I was hatecrimed, who had reached out to me specifically because she met me what day. I lost every friend I had in roughly 30 hours.

If I hadn't had a really great mom, a very intelligent rabbi who's well-versed in psychology and is a former lawyer who saw the "fiction made me do it" excuse used to defend heinous crimes and doesn't buy it, and an older half-sister who lived through people calling her a psycho lesbian because she's a lesbian who played D&D, listened to metal and dressed Goth in small-town Montana in the 80's/90's, I would have probably killed myself. Having those three people who accepted me and did not accept this extremist rhetoric kept me sane and repaired my self-esteem enough to keep me going.

But a lot of people don't have three adults who are intelligent, supportive, and know better than to fall for this faux-psychology. A lot of people don't even have one. Often, they have unsupportive people who also believe firmly in the faux-psychology of "if you watch a thing you'll do that thing IRL". So there's not only no one hauling them out of this, it's getting reinforced.

Being a non-anti who is a trans man gets me a lot of shit from a lot of people online and offline. (As other anons have mentioned during the ace discourse, online talking points come up on college campuses and in real life, because the internet is not an alternate dimension, it is something being used by the people around you who exist in the same physical space as you.)

A reality that I don't think people want to discuss is that trans men, just like all other people of all other genders, suffer a lot of psychological distress if they're put in a position where they have no support. I sure as fuck wasn't happy being in a position where I went from having tons of online friends, discord servers I could hang out in and fandoms I associated with good vibes to none of that, plus harassment, plus massive misgendering.

It's a lot less awful of an existence to be a trans man and an anti when you're young and need community and support than it is to not be an anti and be isolated. And humans gravitate towards the least awful option 99% of the time.

--

Yuuup.

Having some kind of real support network, usually offline but at the very least not randos you met a day ago on discord, is vital and is the difference between not only whether you rot in a pit of antidom forever but in stemming the massive flood of trans teen suicides. The overall queer rates aren't great, but the specifically trans rates... they're bad. They're so, so bad.

[aritamargarita]

SOLITUDE || 001

hello and welcome to the debut of solitude. to all my current readers, you already know what’s up, but to new and curious readers, this installment is based off of climbing the food chain of wwe, taking place in mostly the modern era, so there are superstars spanning from 2013 the earliest to 2022..

just let me cook on the timeline a little bit okay, you'll like it LOL. there’s a lot of Twitter segments in this so i hope it’s not annoying, they’re going to die down for the most part later i promise

without further ado, please enjoy!

TODAY IS THE first day of your call up. The support you’ve gotten from your friends from the training center was wonderful, but you’re still feeling antsy and incredibly nervous. Hopefully, your first day on the brand goes well..

Shawn Michaels was the one to break the news that you were getting called up. You could remember it so clearly because you completely ambushed him with an excited hug once he dropped the bomb on you.

He had patted your back and told you to lighten your grip a little bit, but not without a grin on his face.

If it’s one thing you deserve, it is the chance to expand your career. You always came early, and you were always prepared to learn.

You weren’t sure how to feel when he told you that you’d be heading to the main roster.

You only started as a superstar on the indie circuit and are only used to being on much smaller channels and local shows. You couldn’t even imagine being on WWE, which was broadcast on national television!

He had seen the look on your face and quickly tried to do damage control.

“We’re soft-launching you, or however you kids say it these days,” He told you. You think he grumbled something about how social media was confusing, but you brushed him off. “As an interviewer, I mean.”

“Huh..” You give a shrug. “As long as I can wrestle sometime.”

He had assured you that you will, sooner than you think, but they just wanted to focus on your speaking. Once they (and you), were more confident, they’d allow you to be in much more opportunities.

Such is life, you guess. Get through these obstacles for a bigger reward. You gave your gratitude to Shawn as you had a lot to look forward to.

If you’re not mistaken, WWE had already posted a teaser on their twitter. For some reason, you would find yourself constantly checking the tweet.

@WWE ✓

We hear someone is entering the scene… 👀

1.2K reposts 120 quotes 14K likes

—is what it said. The flurry of tweets under it were mixed. Lots of people wanted to know what the deal was, though some were already speculating it was an old star coming back.

However, the few fans that knew of your work had their guesses. Some of the pictures you posted on Instagram were cryptic hints, but you knew how the internet was. Crazy detective work..

But anyhow, people around the training center know that you’re pretty introverted. You only came to get some work done and go home. It was hard for others to get to know you at first.

They like to call you shy, but you’ve started to hate that word the more it’s used. It holds you back too much. You won’t make it far if you’re stuck with that description for your entire life.

Fortunately, they know what you lack in words is made up for in the ring. There’s no question that you’re good, you just tend to get nervous when speaking to the public.

At heart, you knew they wanted to help you out, and they wanted you to become the best you can be! If you start practicing, you’re sure to be a star!

As motivating as it sounds, it’s still stressful. Going out of your comfort zone was nothing new. It’s a given if you want to wrestle properly, but it still makes you uneasy.

You know you’ve gotta put your best foot forward and do this despite it. This was your only chance, and you absolutely can’t mess this up.

Most of the people still training had given you their well wishes. It’s heavily appreciated; after all, you won’t see them anymore unless they’re called up there themselves.

You think you’ll miss Carmella the most. She was your training buddy, and you think she was the most excited about you getting called up. You hope that she’ll be next soon enough….

As of right now, you look tired. You damn sure feel tired.

It causes you to lie down on the floor of the locker room. It probably wasn’t the best idea, but fuck it. You’ve already made a bad decision by staying up all night out of excitement. It’s starting to come back to you.

Of course, you came to the arena a little too early. (which was an inside joke between coaches, you’re too punctual for your own good..)

You were sure most of your coworkers hadn’t arrived yet, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to see them. It’s not that you don’t want to, you’re just nervous to meet them.

Especially since you’ll probably be half asleep and may forget their names.

Much to your misfortune, a woman comes in, sunglasses on and suitcase handle clenched in hand.

She only lowers them with a finger once you’re in view. “Oooh,” She starts, then clicks her tongue. It’s apparent that she’s mocking you already. “..You look like trash.”

“Thanks,” You say with a sigh. “It’s so appreciated.”

This is not a good start. You make the move to get up off the comfortable ground and the woman puts a hand on her hip.

She’s not very amused, moving a free hand to flip her blue hair. “Did they get me a personal makeup artist? Or…are you just everyone’s stylist? Never seen you here before.”

“I’m new. An interviewer.” You say. Giving yourself that title feels much weirder than saying you were a wrestler. “Pray tell, who am I talking to?”

She’s a little taken aback by the cynical tone in your voice but takes her sunglasses off. This woman doesn’t think she’s met her match yet.

“Of course you don’t recognize a celebrity when you’re in front of one. Let me refresh your memory a bit. How does this sound? The boss, the blueprint, the standard!” She pauses for a bit for dramatic effect. “…Sasha Banks. And I better not have to repeat myself. Who exactly are you?”

“You have a pretty name.” You start off with. Honestly, you didn’t want to make an enemy out of her as much as she wanted to make one out of you. You hope she could see that. “I’m [Name], and you’re right. I am new. Maybe we can get to know each other a bit more.”

It actually seems to work because she falters for a second. “…What?”

You hold out your hand to her and she looks at it for a moment before shaking it with a scowl. Before you realize it, she’s already taking her hand back.

“I’m assuming you’re wrestling? Do you have a match?” You quickly ask, not giving her a second to recover. “I’d like to interview you after if you do.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Sasha drops her suitcase. She’s unsure if she could stand your bright personality for a second longer. You’re going to be a problem in the future. “Sorry, not sorry, but you’re a nobody. What’s the point?”

“It was worth a try. But if that’s what you want I won’t force you.” Sasha rolls her eyes at your response. You’re way too nice. “At least tell me, do you think it’s fun here?”

“Fun?” She repeats. “Tch, I know you didn’t just ask if it was fun. Get real. There’s nothing fun about being here. There’s only one thing that matters, and it’s the Divas Championship. Got it?”

“Got it.” You nod. Divas Championship…duly noted. You don’t think you’ll be going for it anytime soon. “Who’s got it?” You’ll have to ask if the standard Women’s Championship was still in circulation as well.

“AJ Lee.” She answers. It’s the least snarky answer she’s given you so far, but she reverts back to it. “I swear, I’m gonna drag her ass across the mat for that title. She makes me sick with her skipping around.”

You voice your thoughts. “She skips?” That’s one way to get to the ring. You’re curious now. “I wonder if I can interview her…she must have a lot to say about her reign so far.”

“What?” Sasha’s immediately offended. “Um, no. Who says you’re interviewing her first? You’re obviously going to interview me first.”

It’s contradictory to what she’s said before, but because of it, there’s a smile growing on your face. She notices and jabs her index finger toward you. “You can wipe that smile off your face, rookie.”

“So be it. I will see you afterwards.” You agree to interview her, doing your best to fight the smile off.

Sasha huffs and leaves the room for now. Your eyes follow her, and once she’s gone, you shrug to yourself. Wow.

Well, that’s one way to get an interviewee.

Almost seconds after her departure, your phone vibrates and you see it’s a notification from Twitter. After that, the tweets start to flow in.

What now?

@SashaBanksWWE ✓

I ALWAYS come first. Don’t forget that, rookie. @Officially[Name].

4.1K reposts 250 quotes 45K likes

@No1DivazStan: Wait…?

↳ @Sashabanksfan109: Literally like who is that??? What is she talking about?

Oh boy. Now people actually are getting the idea. She even went as far as tagging you. You’re already starting to have people follow you.

Including Sasha, which was a plus!

You’re confident about things for a moment until the thought of having to talk to her live circles back. Shit, you might start to freak out a little.

You hope Sasha wouldn’t be too harsh on you, even if it were wishful thinking. Sasha’s gonna come in hot, especially if she loses. You have no choice but to adjust.

A few more moments of silence pass, and suddenly the floor is calling you again.

You immediately lay back down. How long until the show? You take your phone out of your pocket and check the time. 6:45. The show starts at around 7. Maybe 8 if there are any delays.

Would it be wrong if you took a quick nap? It’ll only be 15 minutes, but it might just be enough to keep you going for the rest of the night.

You’re already closing your eyes. You know you’re going to be unable to hit any major stages of sleep, but even just laying like this is nice.

Until the door opens. You’re shooting up from your spot, almost falling over in the process.

“I WASN’T SLEEPING.” You clarify, doing your best to stand up. The woman, who’s not Sasha this time, looks at you in confusion.

She points a finger at you. “Ya’ sure about that? From the looks of it, it seemed like you were knocked out for a second.” Her accent is the first thing that catches your attention as she starts to motion towards you.

“No, no, not at all.” You try to defend. “Can’t a woman stretch on the floor in peace?”

“Seriously, you call that stretching?” Before she can make any more sarcastic comments toward you, she turns to look at you. “I’ve never seen you around before. Got a name?”

She is trying her best to identify you to no avail. You hop up to your feet, then hold your hand out to her. “[Name]. I’m just an interviewer right now, yeah. I’m new. Who are you?”

“Becky. Becky Lynch.” She introduces, taking your hand to shake it firmly. You swear you’ve seen her before, too. Probably on Twitter. Guess Becky isn't the only one with deja vu.

You pray you wouldn’t forget her or Sasha’s name for that matter. You can’t fight the urge to yawn.

“Someone’s tired. You should go get some water before you pass out. Looks like you’ve seen a ghost.”

This is a nice change of pace from Sasha. Despite you trying to kill her with kindness, she’s just all kinds of intimidating, while this woman is…okay.

Water may do the trick. It might just be cold enough to wake you up. “Good idea. Anywhere I can get some?”

“Should be a cooler down the hall to your right.” She informs. “See, I’d offer to get it for you, but I’ve got a match to get ready for.”

“Well, thanks anyway.” But before you leave, Before you leave, you turn over to her. “This may be an assumption, but are you going against Sasha Banks?” You ask. You could be wrong, but it’s worth a shot to see.

She nods at you. “Smart girl. How’d you know?”

“I talked to her a bit earlier. She wouldn’t exactly tell me she was going in a match, but I guess it was safe to assume it was you.” You say. “If you’d like to be interviewed, I’ll be waiting backstage.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Becky says. She’s more concerned about you getting your water. “Go, I might be here when you get back. Don’t pass out.”

You make a noise to let her know you heard her. Did you make a new friend? You think so.

You’re still a bit disoriented from the lack of sleep. You only made it a few steps down the hall before forgetting the direction she told you to go. Great.

This hallway seemed horribly long. The more you walked, the more you felt like it extended somehow. You need a nap, but you don’t think you’re going to get it until retiring back to your hotel room.

A group of men dressed in what seems to be tactical clothes are sitting around nearby, and you find yourself approaching them in a sudden spur of confidence. It’s probably because you’re tired.

“Excuse me,” you call. All three of them look at you with curious looks, and you feel like you could just up and die right there.

Doesn’t exactly help that they’re all kind of attractive, either.

“Where can I get some water? It feels like I’m dying here.” You ask, using your hand to rub the side of your face.

To them, you looked like you had just completed a damn marathon run. One of them with short brown hair whispers something to another with half-blonde, half-black hair, and you look between them curiously.

You don’t have time for whispers. You want water. It makes you think about purposely passing out in front of them. Rude and manipulative, sure, but you’re not here to gossip!

The other one speaks up to you instead. He’s also got long hair, but you think the most noticeable thing was his sleeve tattoo. You may have been staring too long because he snapped his fingers to get your attention.

At least he wasn’t glaring at you. There was a handsome smile on his face. “You there? Don’t tell me we’ve lost you already. You just got here.”

“Sorry. I’m really tired.” You admit. “Really, REALLY tired. Water would be nice.”

“To your left,” He says. “Should be one over there.”

The exasperation in your voice is ever present when you say: “Thank you!”. You’re dying here. You’ll have to come back and thank your only savior after replenishing yourself. Turning away, you head in the direction he told you.

You don’t hear the snickering behind you as you leave. Too busy thinking about hydration at this point.

Going further down, you see that there still is no water cooler. You’re only met with a dead end, and though there are doors, the signs only tell you that they’re just control rooms.

You’re confused. Why would he send you that way? You turn around and head back the way you came as it must’ve been an honest mistake.

You see them still sitting there with smiles. “Hey, excuse me,” you call, waving your hand. “There’s no water over there. Are you sure it’s that way?”

“We know.” The man who gave you instruction earlier had said. “We just wanted to mess with you a bit. Go that way.” First day on the job and people are already trying to rib you? Goddamn it.

On the bright side, it seemed to be lighthearted. Or so you hope.

This time, you hope, he points the correct way. The only thing you can do is let out a sigh and move forward. You don’t even stay to listen to anything else he says.

"Don't take it to heart!" One of them yells behind you.

You scoff to yourself. This time, they redeemed themselves because you found that lovely water cooler. You immediately pick up the pace and reach out to snatch a cup.

Finally, cold water. You're sure you'll wake up this time. You're almost half tempted to pour some on your face, but you aren't THAT unhinged. Besides, you don’t want to waste it.

The moment you lift your cup and and take a refreshing sip, someone saying “hey” makes you look over, and you nearly spit your drink out.

The guy that had given you the wrong direction had come around. You cough up bits of water, holding a hand on your chest. “Why?! God, you scared the hell out of me!”

“Sorry.” He apologizes. You’re not so sure if it’s sincere. “Stephanie McMahon told me about you. You’re [Name], right?”

It takes you a second to reply and he looks at you expectantly. You hold your hand up. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, that’s me.” You nod.

“Roman,” He introduced himself back, setting his hands on the vest of his tactical gear. “I know it’s your first day and all, but do you know who’s in charge?”

“….Vince McMahon?” You offer with a shrug.

Roman chuckles, shaking his head. “You were close. But that’s not it. The Authority is the one in charge.” He clarifies to you. “And you’d best be on their side. Tell me, new girl. Do you plan to be on the side of justice?”

Truth be told, you’re a little intimidated. Again.

You wonder if you even had a choice right now. Before you answer him you decide to take a sip of water, this time, without coughing up a lung.

“Justice, what do you mean by that?”

“The Authority is seeking to make sure that everyone keeps in line.” He explains. “We’ve already got a hold on the men’s division, but the women’s division….”

He trails off, looking toward you expectantly.

“I’m just an interviewer.” You hold your hands up in defense. “I don’t know anything about wrestling. Like anything.”

A lie, but you don’t exactly want to get involved.

You thought it felt weird to call yourself an interviewer, but now you’re going to hold onto that title until it’s convenient enough for you….

“Don’t give me that crap. I know exactly what you are.” So much for that. Roman gets closer to you and you move back just a little. It doesn’t do much, because he’s still in your space.

You’re starting to feel cornered.

“And what I don’t appreciate is people lying to me. Listen, [Name]. Pretty girls like you are always smart. If you knew what’s good for you, you’d better—“

“Hey guys!” A new voice makes you look over Roman. “Roman…and….who’s this?” He points a finger over to you.

“[Name].” You say. This guy might be your potential savior.

He doesn’t really pester any further than that, oddly enough. “Cool. You guys wanna take a selfie?” Before you two could even answer, he’s already approaching with a phone in hand.

“Wait,” You try to stop him. “I’m not ready—“

All Roman does was glare at the camera while you were holding out your hand toward it. He’s already took it and you were caught in the worst off guard moment.

“You guys better get ready for Raw. It starts in like five minutes.” The man recommends. “Thanks for the selfie.”

He saunters off and Roman shakes his head. After the stranger had made some distance, he finally speaks to you. “I can’t stand Theory’s dumbass.”

“Theory?” You repeat. “Who?”

“Austin Theory.” He clarifies. “Won’t stop taking those stupid selfies. It’s all the goddamn time.”

You slowly nod, but take advantage of the fact Austin had said there’s only five minutes until Raw starts. “Gosh. This was such a nice meeting, but I had better get going. You know, interviews and stuff to do.”

Roman says nothing, so you take the opportunity to side-step and walk past him. However, he doesn’t let you get far before saying…

“Better think about what I said. You don’t have much time.”

You’re hoping that wasn’t a threat. And now that you think about it?

He didn’t even apologize for leading you the wrong way!

You were just trying to get ready to be on television. You did everything you could to stand out for your debut, despite some people knowing that you’d show up sometime.

You can only imagine the pre-show talks around on social media. God, you hope you weren’t sweating. You think you’re just overreacting, but you feel like you’re gonna cry.

If you weren’t awake before, you sure are now.

Your phone starts buzzing again on the vanity you were seated at. The stylist who was helping you get things together had stepped away earlier, leaving you be with your thoughts.

Until now. The moment you pick up your phone and open Twitter, you groan.

Roman was right about the selfies being stupid.

Austin had posted it on Twitter. The only thing you’re really focused on is yourself. You look a disheveled mess and you’re happy you could fix yourself up a little bit right now.

You’re reeling as you read some of the responses. Although, some were funnier than others…

@Theory_1 ✓

Roman and some new girl are here today! I caught them in their natural habitat.

1.8K reposts 130 quotes 37K likes

@annsweet_: OMG FREE HER???? WHY DOES SHE LOOK SCARED LMAO

↳ @Lilgrab$78: Nah fr they holding her hostage in there

@Biilionnsmind: Are you serious? [Name] Theory AND Roman? This has gotta be the multiverse

↳ @YourChampion0: Not gonna lie they might be an item. Guess we’ll see if they have something going on or they just were filming something.

@bellstrings: Wait not too much on [Name]…face card is still ACTIVE and ready to TAP!

Along those lines of being mentioned, Austin had followed you as well. But seeing yourself being the talk of others is just surreal. You’re happy about it.

“Hey, [Name].” A stagehand calls. “You’re on in about 2 minutes. You’ll be interviewing Sasha Banks. It’s the only person you’ll be doing, so you’re free to go home after.”

Alright then. You hop up out of your seat. You looked good enough, so you didn’t exactly need that stylist to come back. Your time to shine.

You let the stagehand lead the way to where you’re supposed to be positioned. It’s a nice set up, you think. There’s a red curtain behind you as well as a television settled with “Raw” displayed on it.

“Sasha lost because of interference.” The stagehand informs you. “She’ll go on about the details. But just ask her some questions. She should be here any second now.”

You’ll try. The camera is already settled in front of you, waiting for the go ahead. As soon as he said that, Sasha comes storming into the room. He signals toward the both of you that he’s rolling.

“Wow, Sasha..!” You exclaim, shaking your head. “That was definitely……a match.”

Sasha looks at you with a scowl. “You think?! Becky only got lucky because AJ came out all peppy. I almost had her.” She complains. “I had Becky in the Bank Statement. She was about to tap…”

She literally has to stop talking and take a breath before she loses it. Everyone, even the crowd, can tell that she’s STEAMING.

“…Uh, do you think you’ll need help in the future for AJ? It looks like she’s posing a really big threat to you.” You say. “Cause’ if you’re asking me, it looks like you may need a future tag partner.”

You’re going steady, despite the fact your hand may or may not be shaking a bit. You’re just glad that this segment wasn’t out in the ring. You tilt the mic over to Sasha.

All you had to do was pretend like the camera wasn’t there and that you were having a simple conversation. Everything’s just fine.

You had hoped she would understand that you were insinuating that you could be of assistance, but she takes it the wrong way.

“What, you think I’m not good enough?” She challenges, stepping closer to you. “You think I can’t beat AJ on my own? She’s the one that needs help. That’s why she gets Tamina to do her dirty work. Let me remind you that I’m Sasha Banks. I was the NXT Women’s Champion. The Boss can handle herself in battle and she damn sure doesn’t need someone that’s gonna hold her back.”

“I get it, jeez. I was trying to help you, Sasha.” You explain. It might be a chance to get you active in the ring.

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing your job and asking me questions? I don’t need your help.” She fires back.

Whatever. You just shrug it off. “Fine. You want questions, I’ll give you questions. You tagged me on Twitter. When you tagged me on Twitter, was that you trying to put me on notice?”

It’s easy for her to bounce off of what you said.

“You clearly act like you have no idea who I am. Maybe now you’ll get a clue. As a matter of fact, you better leave that fake little sweet innocent act at the door, cause I see right through you.”

“What act? I’m just being me.” It’s true. You really are!

“Right, and Becky must be the best wrestler on the planet…hah! That’s hilarious even thinking about it.” Sasha falls into a laugh, and you fight the urge to smile at her contagious laugh. Instead, you wipe it off in order to look confused.

She takes a breath. “You know what? You wanna help me, prove it to me. You and me, a match next Monday. I know that you’re not gonna do well, but I’ll have fun destroying you anyways, rookie.”

This was your chance!! You can’t fight the excitement, so you immediately agree. “Yes! I mean, yeah. Absolutely. It’s a match, Sasha. Shake on it?”

You offer your free hand to her. Despite her gritting her teeth, she takes it.

Sasha thinks you’re too excited, but she’d be lying if she wasn���t curious to see how you’d fare against her.

Your first match is against Sasha Banks. Thinking about it seemed so surreal. You’ve got a lot to prepare for next Monday.

Sasha’s eyes seem to catch onto something behind you and she groans, snatching her hand back. “Not her—“

“I wasn’t expecting you here, Sasha!” There’s a woman who’s slightly shorter than you that comes over with a championship tucked over her arm. This must’ve been the Divas championship, if the words on the butterfly weren’t evident enough.

“You know, not after you lost. Thought you would’ve went home by now!” She holds onto it even tighter once Sasha gave her a nasty look.

“You must be AJ Lee?” You try to divert some of the tension. “It’s nice to see the divas champion face to face.”

Sasha gags, but AJ giggles at your words. She rubs a hand over the butterfly, looking at you. “Oh pssssh, this? It’s nothing major…it just means I’m the best, but seriously, nothing major. Oh, and Sasha? Sorry Tamina made you lose focus…no hard feelings?”

Sasha rears her fist back and you immediately try to jump in the middle of them. Might’ve been a dumb decision, but it made Sasha immediately freeze once you did. You’re not even sure if AJ flinched.

You’re planted firmly in between them without any plans of moving anytime soon. “Woah, woah woah, can we hold off on the fighting PLEASE?! Why don’t you guys settle it in the ring, just like me and Sasha are?”

“You guys…” AJ looks between you two. “…are wrestling each other? Huh.”

You nod at her. “Yeah. I think you should follow suit. It’s obvious you two have problems.”

“Well, you’re right. It’s not like can’t beat you again, Sasha!” AJ chimes. “Anyway, I’m going to go polish my title! Don’t wait up for me, ladies!”

And just like that, AJ skips off. Sasha slowly turns to look at you and the only thing you can do is look back at her.

“I don’t care,” She starts, pointing a finger at you. “You’re helping in whatever happens, rookie.”

“What?! Why me??” You whine. “This isn’t my issue, the only thing I’m worried about is our match.“

As she’s said earlier, she doesn’t care. “You heard me. All you’ve gotta do is be ready. When I tell you to do something, you go.”

She leaves you with that. An exasperated sigh falls from your lips.

You’ve got more than just your match to worry about now..

#RAWTonight

@WWE ✓

A nearly explosive confrontation tonight on Raw between AJ Lee, [Name], and Sasha Banks. Watch below! 👇🔥

6.7K reposts 310 quotes 67k likes

@xXHibiscus: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING!???!!!

↳ @WomenofWWE: Yess! This is what we need, a strong three-way feud! The newbie, the underdog, and the champion. The storylines kind of have been getting boring. I wouldn’t mind Sasha & [Name] vs AJ, or maybe even AJ & [Name] vs Sasha.

↳ @RaeFed: [name] might’ve just saved us hold on

@RoseGambler: [Name] trying to be a peacemaker 😭

↳ @101Mariposa: SASHA WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO ROCK AJ PLEASE. SHE NEEDS TO MOVE

↳ @ThenNowForever: Why she hit the “Sasha, this isn’t you”??

@MarkPodcast: Never heard of [Name]..…is she new?

↳ @platinumstarred: yeah she was mainly on the indies, wasn’t bad at all like she was rlly good

↳ @MarkPodcast: Hopefully she’ll stay good while she’s here!

@Feistysummer: Sasha saying she doesn’t need help…then turns around and tells [Name] that she’s going to help LOL

↳ @Divas4L: They’re definitely going to be friends, if not best friends in the future..

[laurentidal]

Ice Core Report ❄️ August 2024

Decided to do a little editorial check in at the end of each month. Most of you probably don't know that, while Lauren is my real first name, that my blog is actually named for a massive ice sheet that once lay over the place where I live (the Laurentide Ice Sheet). Thus, this is a report from my ice core.

#1 Story: Suggestion Box

This one was a huge surprise for me. It took off immediately, and I had not seen that coming. I'd had this image saved in my "had potential" folder for probably three weeks before I decided on how to tell the story. It went through an iteration where this was an ice skating rink, then it was a sandwich shop. I think one draft had a "five dollar footlong" joke in it. But ultimately I liked "arcade" the best.

#2 Story: Enjoy Your Stay

This was based on fun joking conversation I had with @hypno-potion and as the scaffolding we were joking about kept getting more elaborate I was like "No there is definitely something here." I'm glad you all agreed.

#3 Story: Kitty Pet Saga

I saw this picture and immediately knew what the story was going to be. Sometimes I see an image and think "There's something here if I look hard enough" and sometimes I see an image and a fully formed idea just jumps right out of it.

#4 Story: Oh My

This is a story I actually wrote quite some time ago for an old defunct website that never really got any foot traffic. I'm glad I brought it over, because it's one of my personal favorites. The only fauxcest story in the top five this month. That's one of those kinks I think I'm just going to have to accept that you guys aren't as into as I am (and I have the data to validate that claim).

#5 Story: Daughters and Suns

The only true repost from my old blog and the only part of a series in the top five this month. This series is my favorite thing I'm writing right now (though this entry isn't my favorite in the series). There's a lot more coming so I hope you're enjoying as much as I am.

Sunda Systems

We're half way through Season 1 of my Sunda Systems investigative mind control conspiracy story. Our investigator has made several contacts and visited the campus first-hand. She also might be starting to feel some effects from her various encounters, and her keen eye for detail is missing a few clues that are staring her right in the face. But I'm sure the date she's got lined up will give her some much needed relaxation.

Please please please share this story and feel free to get interactive with it! I've put some real effort into it and I've never written such a slow burn before. I'm enjoying the ride, and I've got some GOOD (I think) twists and turns coming. I think this format could be fun to play around with as an audience. Post your theories! I love seeing that folks are engaging with more than just the like button.

Update of Magics & Mesmerism

Some of you are aware that I'm working on an erotic mind control TTRPG called Magics & Mesmerism. I'm still plugging away. As we speak, I'm writing skills for the Innovator character class. As a treat, I'd like to share with you an except from the page on Hypnotic Foci:

General Thoughts

Every story in the top five this month is a FEMALE SUB story. Noted. I tend to favor that in my writing, too, which is interesting because I think Female Over Male stories are hotter, probably because of the subversion of expectations. I'm a slut for subversion of expectations.

I think that's everything. Love you all and I'm very excited for you to see what's coming in September. One of my favorites that I wrote comes out tomorrow, and on the 13th you'll be introduced to your first Force of Nature.

Till then, keep reading, keep messaging, keep asking, and if you're feeling generous, keep donating.

[im-akira]

Joel Miller x F!Reader | "𝐼'𝑚 𝐴𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑏𝑦 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑆𝑖𝑑𝑒"✨

Summary: Joël was always there by your side, supporting you when you needed it the most. However, on that night, it was him who needed you.

Based on the refrain of "I'm Always by Your Side" by John Park.

Warnings: established relationship, grief, guilt, fluff, lots of soft Joel Miller Do not: claim, repost, copy, or translate my stories anywhere else. Notes: the chapter is quite short, but I wanted to place this little one here. I hope you'll enjoy it!

I apologize in advance but English is not my mother tongue. 💙 ~*.♪。★*・゜・＊♪*.♪。★*・゜・＊♪*.♪°~

"When I walk down a road I don't know well and I'm full of scare and doubt."

Today was a special day: Sarah's birthday. At the same time, Tommy had organized a party with the help of Ellie and Y/N. There wasn't a particular reason to celebrate, but for some of Joel's close ones, it was evident that this night wouldn't be easy for him.

Being the reserved man he is, Joel acted as usual by withdrawing from the commotion and the people. He stayed alone in his garage, surrounded by his tools.

His wife, Y/N, was well aware that he wouldn't be present at the party to take his mind off things. She knew the place where he found refuge when his nightmares and doubts decided to torment him again.

She found him alone, sitting on a chair, his gaze completely lost in front of him.

The moonlight gently slid through the garage window, revealing a scene that contrasted with the usual bustling life within. Y/N's gaze fell upon Joel, alone in the midst of this typically animated space. But on that night, his silhouette was hunched, shoulders sagging under the invisible weight of his thoughts.

A shiver of concern ran through Y/N as she saw him like this, lost in the labyrinth of his dark thoughts. His eyes, usually filled with a glimmer of assurance, now seemed to reflect a despair she had already seen on that night when everything had changed. The tools, usually his pride and passion, lay abandoned, silent witnesses to the inner storm tormenting him.

She approached hesitantly, fearing to shatter the fragile silence enveloping the room. Her heart tightened at the sight of the one who had always been her rock, now vulnerable and broken.

- Joel, she had said softly, pronouncing the name like a caress in the darkness.

"When you called my name, I can see the light, guiding me home like the stars in the night."

- I'm here, she had whispered, No matter what you're going through, you don't have to do it alone.

He had turned slowly, his eyes meeting hers with deep melancholy. A silence lingered between them, charged with unspoken emotions. Y/N felt powerless in the face of his torment, searching for words that could bring some semblance of comfort.

His gaze wavered, a mix of emotions passing through his tired eyes. There was sadness, gratitude, and something else, something he might have been trying to hide. But in that moment, within the halo of moonlight, their hearts communicated more than words ever could.

- I know our little butterfly is missed by you, a pain we've shared, but I sometimes feel you're trying to bear it alone, to protect us. But Joel, I want you to know that I'm here, that we're together. Your pain is mine too, and there's no need to conceal it.

Y/N's hand found Joel's, and he gently clasped her fingers. Y/N continued, trying to make him understand that they were there for each other even in the darkest moments.

- I don't want you to think you're protecting me by keeping this pain at a distance. We've gone through it as parents, as partners. And even though the years have passed, there's no limit to the time I'm willing to spend listening to you, supporting you. We're a team, Joel. And together, we can face anything.

"I think of you, I think of you. I'm lost without your arms around me."

Joel's eyes shimmered with contained emotion, and Y/N felt he finally understood what she was trying to convey. In a peaceful silence, they continued to gaze at each other for a brief moment, hand in hand, finding comfort in each other's presence.

The love story between Joel and his wife, woven carefully over the years, was an example of unconditional support and deep companionship. They had weathered storms and celebrated moments of joy together, forming a duo that complemented each other perfectly.

Joel had always been a pillar for his wife, supporting her with endless patience and kindness through life's ups and downs. When she faced difficult times, he had been her rock, offering a shoulder to cry on, words of encouragement, and a reassuring smile to guide her through the darkness. He had been her confidant, her best friend, and her partner in all things.

But on that night, roles seemed to be reversed. While the outside world was enveloped in darkness, it was Joel's soul that was darkened by tormenting thoughts and complex emotions. He had always tried to stay strong for his wife. However, even the strongest need a moment of vulnerability, a space where they can let their guard down and share their deepest fears.

"I'm always by your side, my love and this love's entirely for you."

Silence had become a language of its own between them, a language they had learned to speak with their hearts over the years. As Y/N gently spoke about the pain they had shared, the loss they had faced, emotions swirled in a whirlwind of thoughts and memories. Joel looked at her, her words imbued with understanding and love, and he knew she was right. He had kept this pain to himself, believing he had to bear it alone to protect her. But looking at her, seeing the caring in her eyes, Joel realized how wrong he had been.

The weight Joel had carried for so long seemed to lighten as she spoke. He felt the walls he had erected to shield himself slowly crumbling, making way for the vulnerability he had carefully concealed.

And then, in that peaceful silence, their gazes locked, conveying more emotions than words ever could. Joel opened his arms, inviting her into his embrace. Y/N nestled against him, her head resting on his shoulder. Joel could feel her warmth, her steady breath, and he was struck by how present she was, how willing she was to share her pain, their pain.

"Cause I worry too much, all my fears amplify. How could I live without you?"

Words seemed unnecessary in that moment. Everything Joel felt, everything he wanted to express, was in that embrace. It was as if Y/N had found the fragile seams of his heart and strengthened them, creating a bond stronger than ever between them.

Joel allowed himself to let go, to release the tears he had held back for so long. It was a moment of liberation, of connection, and he felt enveloped in his wife's love.

Through this silent embrace, they transcended words. They had found a way to share their deepest emotions, to show that they were there for each other, that they could face any pain together.

And in that moment, Joel knew he no longer had to carry this pain alone. Y/N was there, ready to share it, ready to be his support, and he felt deeply grateful for the love they shared.

"Nothing can stop us, no one can hurt us."

"I'll be forever in your arms, I'm always by your side, my love."

"From now on, my everything's for you, with you, from you."

"And this love's entirely for you, with you."

~*.♪。★*・゜・＊♪*.♪。★*・゜・＊♪*.♪°~

If you want to be marked on my future stories, let me know in the comments. Thank you again for reading ! 😊

[alma-amentet]

Why do you dislike the DLC main story so much?

Not to argue or something, just wondering after seeing you ranting in the tags.

I just don't like it. It didn't meet my expectations. In the end, yeah, it comes down to preferences... Though I agree on 'bad writing', and it's just good to know I'm not alone in this.

You know, I'd like it. After all, I knew what I was messing into and didn't expect a happy ending, Age of Abundance (though it was in cut content, so...) or something. It could've been a beautiful tragic story of Miquella loosing parts of himself as a last desperate attempt to fix things but failing.

There are good rewrites, this is one of my favorites

But there are major things that I'll never accept as canon.

Promised consort Retcon. Makes no sense. Bad writing, and I will really die on this hill. Bc no evidence of this in the base game and a weird idea in general. Also how drastically they ruined the battle of Aeonia. Like... really? This feels like fanservice/trollery (assuming fandom's past fights). Horseboy's story should have ended with the festival (for me it did).

'Mohg beating allegations' and all that evil charm thing. First of all, no way he did, he's still an evil bloody cultist. Secondly, him being charmed makes it actually more problematic in some ways. I liked him as a well-designed villain acting on his own and Formless Mother's behalf, the new reveals ruin his character for me. Third, there are known plotholes (like others not acting this way under the charm or why would he travel to the Haligtree and back - could've stayed there or something). In the end, I think it's Ansbach who's a real charmer, charming the fandom. Luckily I'm not into handsome old men, so not buying it. He's devoted to his lord, that's all, no matter how wise and reasonable he may seem (still devoted, mind you).

There are other new bits of lore that look more OK... Though they have plotholes and contradictions, too (questioning ideas of godhood and the Shattering itself - that's what I can remember).

Much's been said in general, not gonna repeat (you can find it in my older posts and reposts). I see people analyzing and rationalizing new lore, enjoying the DLC. Good for them. Even envious at some point. As for myself, no matter how I miss my prev happy times in the fandom, now I see not much sense in discussing it, finding deep meanings etc. Loved to watch lore vids, now I mostly can't even if I want to. Maybe rewatching my older fav ones, but not most new ones. Some content is just upsetting. I'll need it anyway for my own AU and headcanons, so hope I'll find strenght, but not now.

Again, It feels like a joke or trollery, and if the authors themselves treat it this way, why should I bother wasting my time/energy?

There are some other details that are still interesting (like Marika's backtory n stuff), yet again, could've been a beautiful tragic story... but oh.

I used to be in kids/tween fandoms, which were silly by default, neither deep meaning nor dark complex philosophy. Yet some of them were making even more sense in writing, while others were not given high expectations right from the start, that's it.

Not leaving the fandom bc it's not done so easily, will even do some fanarts (finally. hopefully). I think I'll dwell solely on AUs / fixes / rewrites and some visuals without much context. Also on things I liked before the DLC and things I still like (like Maliketh/Marika), and filtering unsettling content as much as I can. But yes, you'll see me venting and supporting other people's rants. Untill my passion fades naturally and switches to something else.

I'll pick up the base game back when I can (my current PC won't run it by any chance), but will notbe buying the DLC. At least, for now.

[technicolorfamiliar]

Well, it took me a year, but I watched a billion 50+ Conrad Veidt films. Some good, some great, some so bad that I hope I never have to see them again.

This post is a stand in for the entire second half of this filmic journey -- I'll link the original 5 posts that make up the first part below. But instead of reposting all of my reviews for all of these titles (the original posts for these are on Pillowfort), I'll just share some highlights below the cut.

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5

Bleaker and darker than I expected, but that makes sense if it's based on a WWI memoir. What happened to Martha was legitimately awful and hard to watch. Stilted performances aside, I would have also liked a whole separate movie about the lesbian spy aunt. But Commandant Oberaertz... [redacted]. He's so hot, despite the character being absolutely awful and creepy and intimidating. I actually said "wow" out loud about his body shape in that costume. That jacket is fitted within a millimeter of its life. How many other films did Connie use this lower register in? Not many, right? It's too much, TOO MUCH. I think this movie took ten years off my life.

I Was a Spy, 1933

Dir. Victor Saville

⭐3/5

Watched Feb 18, Snowgrouse's masterpost

Connie's performance in this is more sympathetic than it has any right to be. The movie very easily could have been sensationalist garbage, and I'm so glad it was handled with relative care and humanity. I liked his whole vibe, I am not immune to party boy Rasputin's charms; "he's got the kavorca, the lure of the animal!" He looks like he stinks, which in this case may not necessarily be a bad thing. I don't even know what to make of all the cooing and baby talk he does with Alexei, or for that matter Drunk!Rasputin dancing and climbing over furniture to get at his ladies. I wish we got to see more scenes with Rasputin and the royal family, how those relationships formed and affected matters of state. We only really get to know about any of that through dialogue among other court officials. And so the emotional turn at the ending was unexpected. The way he cried out after being shot, I've never heard a sound like that come from a human being. Needless to say I did not feel great when the movie ended, but I liked it way more than I thought I would.

Rasputin, Dämon der Frauen, 1932

Dir. Adolf Trotz

⭐3/5

Watched Mar 23, Archive.org

Almost all the performances in this are pretty excellent. The stripped back, realistic style with handheld, newsreel camerawork really suits these actors and the story. Apparently this is a remake of an English film which is based on a play, and it definitely feels like a play. I'm fascinated by this little movie, it's basically an anti-war film about British soldiers in WWI produced in Germany in the early 30s… how did this even get made?? Messages about the horrors of war aside, the homoerotic undertones (overtones?) alone make this a truly unique piece of storytelling for the time and place it was filmed. And those under/overtones are treated pretty respectfully, none of these men are the butt of a joke, how they are with one another is handled with a naturalism that isn't really seen again until maybe the 1950s. And Connie. The range. Can we talk about Stanhope? He's a gruff, messy drunk, a traumatized, hollowed out husk of a man. When Osbourne says something like "you'll be alright when this is over," NO HE WOULDN'T, HE'D BE WORSE. His relationship with Raleigh is interesting too, clearly they were more than casual friends. I didn't believe for a second that the tension between Stanhope and Raleigh was about the sister/fiancée, it's weak, weak I tell you. It's one of Connie's most underrated performances.

Die andere Seite, 1931

Dir. Heinz Paul

⭐3.75/5

Watched Apr 27, Snowgrouse's masterpost

Everyone in this movie looks like a Rankin Bass stop motion character. The ending was abrupt as fuck, Werner Krauss' Jack the Ripper got a lot less screen time and I wonder if they just tacked that onto the end after they realized they spent too much time on Emil Jannings' and Connie's characters. There's a lot of fondling going on in this movie, there's the guy with the bread in the first part, then Connie going all glassy-eyed caressing his globes. Ivan the Terrible is a certified DIVA in that diaphanous, white robe, even with the hard middle part and scraggly beard. What is he doing with his tongue the whole time, though?? Love that he crashes some random girl's wedding, lets her father get murdered by assassins, kidnaps her AND her husband, and brings them both home to his sex dungeon. Connie is doing the most -- the eyes, the gestures, all the greatest hits from his silent film acting tool box, he's whipping them out for this role.

Das Wachsfigurenkabinett (Waxworks), 1924

Dir. Paul Leni, Leo Birinski

⭐2/5

Watched May 29, Archive.org

I didn't like this movie, I just wanted an excuse to post this screenshot. But it actually is a very silly little movie, with what must have been an enormous budget for costumes and sets, and it has some cute physical comedy. Sadly, Connie's in too little of the film to save it from being obnoxious. I did like the Czar's body double who just wanted to work on his needlepoint, and the Court Spanker who was clearly really into his job. And of course Metternich, that sly dog, that velvet-clad scamp. Between the all the foxy, gap-toothed grinning he does and the way he's going to town on that dialogue, he is as always a pleasure to watch. The English version is on Youtube somewhere, so I may go through that and pick out the time stamps for Connie's scenes because I don't think I could sit through this whole movie again, especially not that stupid fucking "Wien und der Wein" song, jesus christ.

Der Kongress tanzt, 1931

Dir. Erik Charell

⭐2/5

Watched Jun 23, Snowgrouse's masterpost

Apparently this movie was considered a flop, and Connie wasn't super happy with this role and others around this time. I think I must have had that info in the back of my mind somewhere going into this movie, because my expectations were pretty low. So, as usual, I actually wound up liking it more than I thought I would. It's a lot sillier than it has any right to be, but yeah it's ultimately a piece of fluff compared to some of the other heavy-hitting films on this list. I love when Connie has a comedic foil like the Marius character, but it could have been a lot better if the dialogue was snappier and the timing tighter. And Connie's character promises to be this bad bitch at the top of the movie, but all we get is one quick, poorly choreographed sword fight and a whole bunch of nothing after that. There's all this build up, I mean, the character is nicknamed The Black Death, and the movie never really lets the character live up to the name. It's a missed opportunity for sure. That said, the Puffy Shirt with the open collar "ensconced in velvet" (to risk yet more Seinfeld references), jaunty hat, knee-high boots with spurs look is really doing it for me. And THERE ARE PUPPIES. Perhaps the most delightful thing that has ever happened in cinematic history. I couldn’t believe it. Connie picked up the first puppy and said, "You big boy, you!" and I hate him, like full Madeline Kahn Mrs. White "flames… on the side of my face." I hate him so much.

Under the Red Robe, 1937

Dir. Victor Seastrom

⭐2.5/5

Watched Jul 17, Youtube

[plexivie]

Never have I ever... liked a bad boy

Katsuki Bakugou is the hottest guy at UA high. With his rock-hard abs, killer hair, and the fact that he's a bad boy. This made him ten times hotter. You've always had the BIGGEST crush on him, but you knew he would never like you back. All you are is a nerd, according to him.

Even though you have the fattest crush on him, you've never had a real interaction with him, until today.

"Hey loser" he said while him and his stupid friends laughed.

"Miss L/n, please come to the office."

Shit.

You couldn't keep your mouth shut, at all. "Do we really have to learn this shit?" So, detention is a once-a-month occurrence for you, so getting called to the office like this freaks you out.

"Miss y/n, we would like you to help tutor."

He's right, you are kind of a nerd. One that is on the top of her class.

"Isn't tutoring a teacher's job?"

"Do you want detention?"

"Fine."

"Great! You will be tutoring Katsuki Bakugou. That kid really needs help."

"What. I can't tutor him."

As if you weren't already a nerd imagine how big of a nerd you'll be now. Plus, he can't know about your crush. Imagine how many more names would come up with that. It will be so hard hiding when you're with him, face to face.

"Come on, he isn't that bad. I think. And besides, a job like this is really good on college applications."

"Fine, I'll do it."

"Perfect. You'll tutor him today after school in the library."

Shit.

Today isn't the best day for you to tutor. Especially with what you're wearing. Pajamas aren't the most attractive choice of clothing. Especially to someone like him. You know he will probably comment on how much nerdier pajamas make you look.

Time passed. Then came what you were most nervous, excited, and scared about. Tutoring with Bakugou. You're not scared because he will make fun of you, you're scared you won't be able to hide how highly you think of him. As said, you aren't great at holding back how you feel at any given moment so accidentally spilling your feelings is likely to happen.

When you got there, he was sitting down, legs spread far as ever on his phone. When he looks up, he smirks.

"Ha, nerd. Look at those clothes. Makes you look like an even bigger loser."

Called it.

"Yea um anyway what do you need tutoring in."

He rolled his eyes. "Math. That shit is too hard for this rundown school."

You smiled a friendly smile towards him.

"Well I can definitely help you with that."

He looked away, oddly.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Damn nerd."

"Um so are you struggling with the homework?"

He nodded slightly. Why is he being so... calm with you?

After a while of helping him with this work, you realized he isn't dumb. He's just dumb for not doing the best he can.

"You're actually really good at this."

"Well why can't I be hot and smart?"

Holy shit. He's good. Too good. You're going to blow it.

But after a few minutes of just that awkward silence, he blows it... and kisses you. You kiss back, obviously.

This kiss was long, and super-hot. He held the back of your head just to keep it on his lips. He liked you, wanted you, craved you. He loved the fact that him hurting you didn't bother you at all. It was almost like a challenge for him, one he couldn't win. After minutes of what felt like hours of making out all he did and said was.

"Damn, nerd."

AN- Hey guys! Thanks for the likes on my last one shot. I decided to make this story based off of the new season of Never Have I Ever that is on Netflix now. Let me know if you guys would like longer stories or even stories with chapters. Thank You!! (reposts would be appreciated<3)

[hogwarts-legacy-confessions]

Anybody who thinks it's easy to be seen in any fandom should receive a reality check. I'm going to give those people a bit of tough love. Yes, it is discouraging to try so hard without getting much interaction in return. Yes, it is mostly based on luck and timing whether you get your foot in. No, a gigantic yield of likes and comments isn't going to pour at you with one or even a handful of works just because you think you deserve it. And no, you're not going to be making friends overnight if ever. Most fandom experiences are actually quite lonely. People who do make fandom friends often sacrifice a ton of their free time and in-real-life relationships to hang out with them. It's hard work, it's rotten work and it can eat at you mentally since getting friends and also sticking with them, no matter what your or they do, is hard. Making people read or look at your things is even harder because you feel like you are imposing on them (most of the time you are by the way). This is why you are not creating for others. You are creating for yourself! Out of self-indulgence! Because you are obsessed over these little fictional characters playing out scenarios in your head! I am so sick of hearing people complain about lack of kudos, likes, reposts and comments, and I can't believe a fandom this small suffers from it as well. Why do you care so much for a made up internet currency that will just make you miserable? Create something out of love for the creation. Why give a flying fvck about what others think about your work because chances are, they aren't real critics with real knowledge and feedback that you need. I've noticed that the "icons" of fandoms often don't even interact much in other's creations' comment sections. So why don't you concentrate on perfecting your craft instead, like they do? You can mope about it all day or you could go outside, work on your poetry, do a study of an impressionist painting or read a classic. Consume art, watch movies, go to the theater, experience. Make a roadmap for your goals, take notes, watch tutorials. That's what's gonna give you skills, inspiration and ultimately, visibility for your work, both fan- and/or original. Just do something useful, you! Right. Now.

👀

Sorry, I'm gonna have to tackle this little pep talk head on.

It's horseshit to say "write for yourself" and act like it's shameful for people to express their frustration with the perception of having their work ignored. Yes, one should ultimately create fanworks that are true to themselves as much as possible, and do so because they enjoy it first and foremost, but I have a feeling that anon here doesn't know what it's like to pour your heart and soul into something and get crickets. When you know people are seeing it, that feels like a judgment of your work - a negative one. I say that as a quasi-popular creator in the fandom.

I'm not saying people are obligated to like or engage with works they don't find appealing, I'm simply arguing why it's valid to feel sad about that situation.

If fandom creations are all "for ourselves" then why bother posting on Tumblr or ao3 in the first place? It's because there's a community here that we want to engage with. Every single one of us.

This posturing about "I write for myself so I don't need or want any validation for my work" might put you in a special category of emotionally different people but it's not true for the majority.

In fact, most of the idea of asking for prompts on Tumblr is to entertain an audience of people supportive of your work, so I hope you've never answered a creative ask, anon. That would make you a hypocrite.

Everyone should absolutely be writing what pleases them first and foremost, but that doesn't detract from the sense of community and pride you get when someone else openly enjoys your work.

I also feel like there's a definite subtext in this confession that reads "you're not popular because you're not good enough. You need to work harder and you'll succeed." Studies have shown that popularity is not necessarily based on merit, and it's almost random what gets popular based on who latches onto something and shares it.

In short, anon, please get off your high horse. There are plenty of amazing writers and artists in this fandom who get little to no traction. Maybe if you stopped getting comments, kudos, and likes on your work for a day we'd see how you feel about this issue then.

This is certainly not a dynamic unique to HL, although in a fandom with only a few hundred active members at most (at least on Tumblr), it feels more personal when your work is ignored. Since our tags are small, it's harder to just accept that you're being overlooked and not take it personally.

You can find countless posts decrying the overall decrease in engagement in the past few years on Tumblr and begging people to leave kudos and comments! Maybe people should try to keep in perspective that they're not alone, maybe we all should complain less, but the idea that we should be better than wanting others to enjoy our work (and show that) does not sit well with me, especially while we're constantly watching others in the fandom sniff each other's farts.

[taralen]

Information

𝕎𝕖𝕝𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕪 𝕓𝕝𝕠𝕘!

I am a fantasy artist and writer based in the USA. This blog is mostly for my art and for sharing others' art. Sometimes, I'll post writings, musings, or theories about a work of fiction that I think warrants some in-depth analysis. I don't have any separate blogs, as I don't see the point in making them. I struggle with a lot of mental health conditions, so I'm really unstable but congenial. Hope you don't mind! Trust me, I am no threat to the public at large! I love making others laugh and smile, so why not just laugh at me, with me? The subject of this blog is primarily art and writing. I do not repost memes if they have nothing to do with either of these two categories.

If you're looking for specific tags, please use this guide:

#my art - Use this tag to filter posts showing only stuff drawn by me

#my writing - Similar to the above but just for writing I've done.

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[drops-of-june]

CHAPTER VI: Barracuda

• I don’t own the characters, this fanfic is based on the TV-Show Stranger Things (second season) from a Hargrove!Reader POV.

• Quick reminder to readers, I'm not a english native speaker, so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. Hope you understand.

• You are not allowed to translate/repost inside or outside tumblr this fanfic.

• Sorry if it is too long. Just got carried away

Summary: The relaxing weekend that y/n had hoped for doesn't happen the way she would have wanted it to.

Word Count: 5.3K

CHAPTER VI: Barracuda

Friday turned out to be the most boring day so far in Hawkins. There were only two moments that caught her attention. The first was when classes ended. Y/n, along with Eddie and the rest of the band, were heading toward the parking lot, when they heard footsteps running behind them.

'Y/n/n!' Steve's voice made them turn around. 'Hey, y/n, can I talk to you for a minute?' said Steve, with a mixture of concern and hope on his face. The boys watched the situation carefully, as if they measured y/n’s reaction, and after a few seconds, Jeff spoke up.

'We'll wait for you in the parking lot...' There was some hesitation in his voice, but when y/n nodded at him with a smile, the four of them turned and walked out of the building.

'Sure, what's up?' y/n replied, looking at Steve.

'It's about Nancy. I need your advice... I don't know how to fix things with her.' y/n listened intently as Steve explained the situation. After a moment's reflection, she offered her advice.

'Well... First I should warn you that I'm no expert in relationships, I only dated once and when things got too serious, I ran away.' She joked. 'But I think it's best to be honest. Talk to her from the heart, tell her how you feel and what you really think.' She paused and continued. 'If there's anything that can still be repaired you'll know, but you’ll do only if you talk about it with her.' He was looking at the floor, but listening intently to what she was saying. 'Relationships are a two-way street, and everyone has to do their part...' Steve nodded, trying to understand. 

'Thank you, y/n. I really appreciate your help.'

'You're welcome... Oh, and maybe a peace offering might help... a small detail, maybe some flowers.' She advised, before half-turning away.

'Okay, noted.' 

'Good luck!' she said with a smile before heading for the parking lot.

When she got to where her car was, Eddie and the others were sitting in his van, with the doors open. He couldn't help but ask her:

'So… friend of Harrington's, huh? Don't tell me you even like him?' He asked with a teasing tone, but y/n could tell underneath as well an almost accusatory tone. Y/n shook her head and laughed.

'No, I don't. As for us being friends.... We took a couple of classes together and he seems like a nice kid.' Eddie frowned slightly. He disagrees.

'He's one of the popular ones we told you about the other day… well, at least he was until last year. His friends were jerks to us, especially Tommy H.' Y/n nodded.

'I haven't seen him with Tommy though, but my brother does hang out with him.' The boy she'd met in class and asked for advice didn't seem to be the same as Eddie described. After a few seconds, Gareth interjected, his tone was softer.

'We don't want to get into your friendships, y/n. We just want to keep you in the loop.'

'I understand. And thank you...' y/n said with a smile, as Max climbed into the car. 'See you soon' She waved before climbing into her Impala as well.

***

San Diego, California, April 1981.

The afternoon sun was slowly dropping over the horizon, bathing the neighborhood in a golden glow. Y/n and Billy had just returned from school, and the crisp spring air was filled with the bustle of children playing in the street and the distant cries of seagulls. Y/n, then fourteen, closed the front door behind her and headed for her room, where she hoped to enjoy some quiet after a long day.

Billy followed her quickly, his expression grim.Y/n barely had time to remove her backpack before he began to speak, his tone laden with frustration.

'Y/n, you need to stop hanging out with Molly.' Billy said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Y/n turned to him, surprised by the sudden confrontation. She had only recently met Molly, and she had quickly become one of her best friends, in fact the only girl she talked to at school. Y/n couldn't imagine what she could have done to make Billy dislike her so much.

'What, why?' she asked, trying to remain calm. Billy took a step forward, his face red with anger.

'Because I don't like her attitude. She's a bad influence on you. She's always getting into trouble and dragging you down with her.'

Y/n felt the anger begin to bubble up inside her. Molly was rebellious and somewhat wild, yes, but she was also loyal and fun. Y/n couldn't stand the idea of Billy trying to control her friendships.

'That's not fair, Billy.' She said, her voice rising in volume. 'I don't tell you who you can hang out with, no matter how much I don’t like all your friends.' She took a step forward, lifting her head and looking him in the eye. 'Molly is my friend. You don't get to decide who I can be friends with and who I can't.'

Billy gritted his teeth, his frustration turning to fury.

'I'm just trying to protect you, y/n!' he shouted. 'Is that so hard to understand?'

Y/n's patience ran out. She took a step toward her brother, eyes flashing with anger.

'I don't need you to protect me!' she replied, her voice trembling. 'You know? I live defending you when other people say you're a cretin and in the end maybe they're kind of right.'

Silence fell between them, heavy and tense. Y/n felt an invisible barrier rise between them, something she had never felt so clearly before. Without another word, she turned and left the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

That night, the atmosphere in the house was tense. Neal and Susan noticed the unusual silence between the twins, but said nothing, leaving the siblings to work out their differences on their own. For the next few days, y/n avoided Billy, ignoring his attempts at conversation and immersing herself in her own activities. They had shared a room since they were children, but even y/n had taken her pillow to Max's room and had been sleeping with her sister.

For Billy, the absence of y/n's presence, always so close and supportive, was a hard blow. Pride prevented him from immediately apologizing, but loneliness and remorse began to weigh more heavily on him with each passing day. All he received in reply were monosyllables and onomatopoeias. After almost ten days, he couldn't take it anymore.

One afternoon, when y/n was sitting in the backyard, reading "Firestarter," Billy approached her with a serious expression. Y/n looked up when she heard someone approaching, but when she saw it was Billy, she looked back down at the book.

'Y/n, I need to talk to you,' Billy said, his voice softer than usual. Y/n remained silent, trying to ignore it as she had done during those days. Although it hurt to be fighting with him, she had to make him understand that he couldn't manage her life, Neal already did that too much. Billy took a deep breath, fighting his pride. 'I'm sorry, OK?' he finally said. 'I shouldn't have tried to tell you who you can be friends with. I care about you very much and I just wanted to protect you, but I was wrong in how I did it.' Y/n heard the sincerity in her brother's voice and her anger began to fade. She realized that although his methods had been wrong, Billy was only acting out of concern. 'Come on... Please, I don't like not being able to talk to you.'

'Ok,' she finally said, albeit with a frown. 'I don't like it either'. Admitted. 'I appreciate you caring about me, but I also need you to trust me. We can take care of each other without trying to control our lives.' Billy nodded, relieved that y/n had forgiven him and sat down next to her. 

'I promise to try, Sundance. I don't want to fight you like this again.' Y/n got up and hugged him. 

'Me neither, Butch. I love you. You're the most important person I have, you know that, right? You always will be. No matter how much I get together with other people. No one is going to replace you.' Billy felt calmer at this confession, because it was what really concerned him. The hug sealed their reconciliation, and while they still had a lot to learn about respecting each other's decisions, they both knew that their bond as siblings was stronger.

***

Later, while driving to her job, when y/n crossed the residential area, she saw Steve getting out of his car with some flowers in his hand. The girl assumed that he was about to go see Nancy, but before he could reach the entrance of the house he was going to, Dustin, one of Max's friends, intercepted him, threw the flowers on the ground and convinced him to get into his car. Y/n found the situation strange, but decided not to give it much importance and continued on her way to work.

The rest of the day went by normally, however the only thing she wanted was for the weekend to arrive.

On Saturday morning, Neal and Susan left the house early, leaving the twins to take care of Max. After lunch, when y/n were doing the dishes, someone knocked on their front door. Being the closest to the entrance, she went over to open it. There she found Steve Harrington. If y/n wasn't mistaken, he was also wearing the same clothes from the day before. She looked at him with a raised eyebrow, confused.

'I need your help.' He asked, clasping his hands together. His expression was urgent. 'Again.' He added. Y/n looked back at the boy, and in his car she saw Dustin sitting in the passenger seat. 

'Are you babysitting?' she asked, trying not to laugh. After a moment, she began to say. 'Look... right now...'

'Please. I have no one else to ask for help...' He interrupted her. Y/n looked inside the house briefly and walked out, closing the door behind her.

'What do you need help with?' She asked, curious but willing to help him. He was slow to respond, seeming to be looking for an excuse or making up a lie. Finally, he answered.

'You need to help us look for a thing...'

'This is it about Dart?' she guessed biting her lip. He looked surprised.

'You know about Dart? Oh... that makes it so much easier...' He looked relieved. 'Dustin didn't tell me you knew... Well, then... the thing is, he ran away from Dustin again and you'll understand how important it is that we catch him before he eats another cat... or something bigger.' He commented with an awkward laugh. 

'Dustin's toad-rat ate a cat?' she repeated, wide-eyed, unsure if she had heard correctly. Steve froze in place, realizing he spoke too much. 'How...' For a moment, y/n thought he was playing a joke on her, but she didn't feel like he was lying. 

'Uhm... yeah... well... no… uhm… if you don't ask questions it'll be better...' He stammered, nervous. 'So...' Y/n looked at him trying to understand what was going on, but failed. 'Are you going to help us?' he asked, again. Y/n sighed. 

'Wait here.' She said, walking back into the house. She went up to her room and grabbed her jacket and her backpack. Before leaving, she knocked on Billy's bedroom door and when he opened it, she let him know she was going out for a moment. Then she left the house and got into the back seat of Steve's car. Y/n looked at Dustin with narrowed eyes. 'I knew you'd found it.' She accused him, and he looked apologetic. 'You're going to have to tell me what's going on, and for your information, I know when someone is lying.' She clarified, as Steve pulled the car over.

A few minutes passed when Steve stopped the car again. Y/n was still silent, folding her arms, looking a little lost. She knew Steve and Dustin had left a lot of details behind, as some parts of her story didn't seem complete. 

But in summaries, she had been told that Dustin had discovered an interdimensional tadpole in his trash. Said tadpole, it was the same animal she had seen escaping from the video room two days earlier. It was no bigger than a toad. 

But apparently now, it was the size of a french bulldog, and it had eaten Dustin's mother's cat. Will and Mike had warned him that it was dangerous but he wouldn't listen and took it home. Dart grew up, ate the poor Mews, and when Dustin locked him in the shed, the creature escaped by creating a tunnel hole in a wall, but not before leaving some of its skin behind, which meant it had perhaps grown even bigger.

'I think she’s suffering a seizure.' Dustin muttered in horror. Steve, who had climbed out of the vehicle, opened the passenger door, and crouched down to be at her height. 

'Y/n?' He whispered softly.

'I'm fine, I'm just trying to guess if you're pulling my leg or...' She slowly got out of the car as well. 'So the plan is...' It seemed too elaborate to be just a joke. Steve opened the trunk, and there were three buckets of cubed meat in there. Just then, a voice came through the boy's walkie.

'Dustin, It's Lucas, do you copy?' Y/n recognized Lucas’s voice.

'Well well well, look who it is?'

'Sorry man, my stupid sister turn it off'.

'Well, when you were having sister problems, Dart grew again, he escaped, and I'm pretty sure he's a baby Demogorgon.' y/n looked at Steve with a frown, gesturing with her mouth the word “He said demogorgon?” and he just looked at her like saying don't ask.

'Wait. What?'

'I'll explain later. Meet us at the old junkyard.’

‘Us? Who's us?'

'And bring your binoculars and wrist rocket. Just be there, stat. Over and out.'

Steve offered the girl a pair of yellow kitchen gloves and then one of the buckets. 

They were going down the abandoned Hawkins train tracks. The ground was covered with leaves, so as they walked along they could hear the sound of their soles against the stones and the crunch of the leaves being stepped on. Steve and Dustin were walking ahead of her. They seemed to be having a private conversation, so she didn't want to intrude. Dustin was looking back and lowering his voice, you could tell it wasn't a conversation he would be having while she was present. However Steve didn't seem to notice and spoke a little louder. 

Trying to give the boy more privacy, y/n pulled out her headphones and her walkman, and played the mixtape she was listening to. 

When she thought about wanting the weekend to come, that's not what she meant. Going about leaving bits of food on the ground to catch a carnivorous wild animal that was running loose in town, accompanied by a child and Steve Harrington. 

A few minutes passed when she noticed Steve had asked her a question. She lowered her headphones, with the music still on. Through them, 'Smoke on the water' could be heard.

'What do you think, y/n?'

'About what?' She asked, taking a few steps closer towards them.

'I was telling Dustin how to impress a girl...' He began to give her context. She opened her eyes in understanding, so it was that kind of talk. She remembered having one with Max a few months back in California. Being there, it made it seem like years ago.

'Ok...'

'So… Is it true that I shouldn't try too hard?' The younger one asked, as he threw a piece of meat on the ground. 

'Uh-huh... I guess. It's best to just be yourself.' She admitted.

'So talking about the things I like is okay?'

'No.'

'Yes,' Steve and y/n said at the same time. He looked at her with a frown.

'Look… we… people… we're all different. If you have to find someone to be with, the best thing to do is to show yourself as you are, and be accepted that way.' Steve seemed to want to counter-argue, but he kept silent, also listening to what she was saying. 'If it's meant to be, it will be. And if it's not... well. The right person will come along at some point.' There was silence for a couple of minutes, until the boy broke it.

'Have you found it? The ideal person? Have you... fallen... in love?' She took a while to answer. 

'There are different kinds of love...' She took the silence as a cue to explain herself. 'There's the love you have for your family. The one you feel for a friend... you also can both love each other, but it's not meant to be. It's not the right person... Do you understand?' She asked.

'Not really... if you both love each other then why...?'

'I have a friend in California. Sam. We dated for a while but...' She sighed. 'It didn't feel... right. I didn't feel...'

'The electricity?' Dustin asked, genuinely curious. Y/n laughed.

'I guess you could call it like that. Yeah.' She nodded. 'I didn’t feel the electricity. Think of it like we're puzzle pieces.' 

'They don't all fit together no matter how much they seem to...' He understood. He looked far too distressed for his age.

'Either way... couples are overrated. It's too complicated for your age.' She said.

'That's what I told him!' Steve agreed, and the three of them laughed. 

***

San Diego, California, September 1980.

On a sunny fall afternoon in San Diego, y/n and Sam were walking along the boardwalk, the salty ocean air enveloping them as the waves gently broke on the shore. y/n had been thinking for days about what she was going to say, and her heart was pounding. She loved Sam, but she felt like something didn't fit, like a puzzle piece that couldn't find its place.

They stopped by a railing, looking out at the horizon where the sun was beginning to descend. Sam, tall and easy smiling, noticed the restlessness in y/n's eyes. 

‘Are you okay?’ he asked, taking her hand. His touch was warm and soft. She brought his hand to her cheek and closed her eyes. She had grown so accustomed to his closeness and the smell of his skin that the gesture was reassuring.

They had agreed to be honest with each other. She wanted to tell him what was on her mind but she didn't want him to get hurt either. 

‘Sam, there's something I need to talk to you about,’ she said in a shaky voice. She took a moment to find the right words. Finally, she gathered her courage and said it quickly, as if she had to pull a band-aid off a wound that needed to breathe. ‘I love you, but... not the way I should if this was going to work out in the long run.’ Sam frowned, worry filling his face. 

‘What do you mean, y/n?’ Y/n sighed, releasing his hand gently. 

‘Look, you're one of the most important people to me. We've been friends for so long, and when we started dating, I thought maybe it was the right thing to do. But, it isn't. I care a lot about our friendship, and I feel like if we keep going on like this, we'll end up hurting each other.’ Sam looked down, processing her words. 

‘Is it because of something I did? Or is there someone else?’ Y/n could tell the pain in his voice, and shook her head quickly. 

‘No, no, no, Sam. It's not because of someone else, or something you did. It's just...I don't feel the right way. I can't keep pretending everything's okay when I know deep down it's not.’

Sam sighed, taking in the situation. He knew y/n was right, even if it hurt.

‘I guess I always knew that, on some level,’ he admitted. ‘Maybe not for the same reason you do, but...I like being with you, y/n. I don't want to lose you.’

Y/n smiled, though her eyes were filled with tears. 

‘You're not going to lose me. We'll always be friends, always. But you deserve to be with someone who loves you the way you deserve. And I just… I'm not that person.’ Sam nodded slowly, leaning in for a hug. 

‘I understand, y/n. And, thank you for being honest.’ They held each other for a long moment, letting the sound of the waves and the sea breeze wash over them. 

As they pulled apart, y/n felt a mixture of relief and sadness. She caressed his cheek gently, as if she feared he was going to break. 

‘Are we still friends?’ she asked, with a small smile.

Sam smiled back. 

‘Always, y/n. Always.’

***

The Hawkins junkyard stretched out before them like a rusted and twisted labyrinth. Under the cloudy sky, the piles of abandoned vehicles stood like monuments to a forgotten past, their bodies corroded and moss-covered. A cold, biting wind blew through the place, echoing the sounds of metal clashing against metal, a somber wail amidst the desolation.

They walked cautiously along the narrow dirt paths, dodging puddles of stagnant water and scattered car parts. Sheet metal, wood, old mirrors, all piled up on the sides of rusted cars. Everything screamed a call for a tetanus shot. With every step, the crunch of debris under their feet broke the silence. The long shadows of the stacked cars created natural hiding places, perfect for anyone - or anything - that might lurk among the scrap.

The air smelled of rust and old gasoline, a pungent mixture that made your nose wrinkle. The dim light of dusk filtered through the cracks and gaps, casting eerie patterns on the floor. In one corner, a rusty old crane stood like a silent guardian of the junkyard, its dangling arm swaying slightly in the wind.

They came to a crossroads where the cars formed an almost perfect circle, creating a kind of metal amphitheater. It was the heart of the junkyard, and in front of the main entrance, a school bus barred the way. 

It was a scene of orderly chaos, y/n felt it was a good strategic location for what they had planned. 

The three emptied what was left in their buckets into a spot on the ground, leaving a small pile of meat in plain sight, perfect as bait.

'I said medium-well!' someone shouted, causing the three to look over. Lucas and Max were on the other side of the junkyard. When Max saw y/n there, she seemed to turn paler than she already was.

'Who is she?' Steve asked.

'I'm going to kill her.' Muttered y/n, and began to walk, striding over, heading straight for her younger sister.

'What are you doing here, Billy let you come?' Seeing what the girl opened her mouth a couple of times without a sound, y/n opened her eyes in surprise. 'You ran away?'

'I... well...'

'It's my fault.' Lucas said, excusing her.

'I'll talk to you later.' She replied, pointing a finger at him. 

'Maxine Mayfield...' She only addressed her sister by her full name when she was really in trouble. 'Do you know what time it is?' She looked at the floor, y/n never used to get angry. 'What if Neal and your mother come back and you're not there? What would we have to tell him? What would Billy have to tell him?' she asked, serious.

'I didn't think about it...' She mumbled apologetically. y/n took a breath and rubbed her forehead to calm herself. At that moment, Steve appeared at her side, and looked at the situation as if sizing up the waters.

'Uhm... we must hurry, there aren't many hours of daylight left.' He commented, indicating that it was important.

'I'm not done yet.' y/n said to Max, before turning away. 

After half an hour of work, they managed to clear some of the ground for a better view, and covered all the windows of the bus with sheet metal and scraps. 

The old school bus rested quietly under the starry sky. Inside, y/n, Steve and Dustin waited holding their breath, the air thick with anticipation and nervousness. Up on the roof of the vehicle, Lucas and Max stood alert, watching the dark horizon intently.

Steve, he seemed fidgety. He was fumbling with the cigarette lighter, casting flickers of light that dimly illuminated the interior of the bus each time the flame flared, bored. After a moment, his gaze fell on y/n, who was staring at a dented soda can on the floor.

'Everything okay?' He asked, seeing her very quiet. She nodded. 

'I'm just analyzing the situation. I'm, on a dirty bus, with Steve Harrington and three kids trying to lure a...baby demogorgon...with meat, then set it on fire.' She pointed. 'Am I missing something?' He laughed. 

'No... I think that's a good summary...'

'Dustin... by one of those coincidences... that... Dart thing...' When the boy looked at her, y/n could notice a gesture akin to exasperation, as if preparing to give an explanation to an adult who isn't going to understand. 'He's not going to have two baboon heads and be five meters tall, isnt he?' 

'How do you know... do you play D&D?' He looked surprised. Steve rolled his eyes.

'Great, one more nerd.' y/n punched him in the shoulder lightly though she wasn't offended.

'Yeah. I had a party with a group of friends back in California. Chaotic good, high elf bard, level 17.' She explained. Dustin looked impressed and gave a nod of approval.

'I like her.' He whispered towards Steve with a smile. 'And... no... not really, but...' Just then a sort of roar was heard that made y/n's skin crawl, even though she wasn't someone who was easily startled. She loved horror movies.

The three of them ran to look through the small crack that was left open in one of the windows, trying to see something. The autumn fog that covered the ground, didn't help too much to see clearly.

'You see him?' Dustin asked.

'No.' Steve replied.

'Lucas, what's going on?'

'Hold on!' 

'There.' Said y/n, pointing to their left. 

'I've got eyes! Ten o'clock!' Screamed, Lucas.

'Yes, we saw him!' 

'What's he doing?'

'I don't know.'

'He's not taking the bait. Why is he not taking the bait?' Asked Steve.

'Maybe he's not hungry?'

'Maybe he's sick of cow.' Steve said. Before they could understand what he meant and what he was about to do, Steve got up and headed for the exit.

'Steve? Steve, what are you doing?'

'Steve, aren't you thinking...' y/n began to say, incredulously. Steve tossed her the lighter and picked up his bat.

'Just get ready.' He said, before walking out. Dustin and y/n walked over to the window rapidly to watch. Steve was advancing towards the trap, swinging his bat to get the creature's attention. Max came back down towards them, through the airlock.

'What's he doing?'

'Expanding the menu.'

'Uhmm... Dust...' Y/n said urgently, having noticed something in the darkness. A shiver ran down her spine. 'Didn't you say it was just one?'

'What do you mean?' He asked approaching the window, at the same time Lucas shouted from the roof, surely having seen the same thing as the girl.

'Steve, watch out!' y/n climbed up the ladder with haste, and standing on the roof of the bus looked around. 

'They're to his left and to his right.' Lucas murmured to her, but that wasn't what she was looking for. After finding what she wanted, she poked her head through the airlock and tossed the lighter to Dustin.

'Take charge, I'll be right back.'

'y/n!' Max shouted, trying to stop her, but she quickly got up and with agility stepped off the bus from the side, noiselessly. Although she didn't know the place, if there was one thing that didn't fail her besides her instinct, it was her memory. She guided herself around the grounds until she found what she was looking for. It was leaning against one of the abandoned cars. 

'Three o'clock! Three o'clock!' Lucas shouted to Steve, and Steve managed to see what was surrounding him. Steve almost dropped the bat when he felt a tug on the back of his jacket. 

'Get behind me' Y/n muttered, and he obeyed. They were both covered by a full-length mirror, and began to step backwards, heading back towards the bus. 'Slow down,' she warned, as she held the frame with both hands, and glanced to the sides. The creatures looked confused for a few moments as they saw that their prey had 'disappeared'. 

'Run!' Luke warned them as they were halfway, just in time when one of the animals appeared from their right side. As it came running towards them, Steve raised his bat and delivered a hard blow to its chest, throwing it a couple of feet. They both looked at each other and nodded their heads . At the same time, y/n dropped the mirror and they began a run to the vehicle. Once safe, they closed the doors behind them. One of the creatures managed to stick his head in and y/n got a closer look at him. It didn't have two baboon heads, but it was just as scary. 

She hit the creature with the heel of her boot, just hard enough to knock it back so that Steve could cover the entrance with a metal plate.

'Shit!' The animals began clawing at the door, trying to get in.

'Are they rabid or something?' Asked Max, scared.

'They can't get in! They can't!'

'Are you crazy, what was that thing out there?' Max asked, pulling at her sister's jacket.

'A mirror.' Steve explained, catching his breath. 'I don't know how but it distracted them enough. It was a good idea.'

'Mirror image.' Dustin muttere, referring to one of the elf skills in D&D. 'Nice play.' y/n, who was with her hands resting on her knees, also catching her breath, gave a thumbs up without looking at him. Animal growls seemed to come from all directions, they were surrounded. 

They all screamed. Dustin grabbed his walkie and started talking real fast.

'Is anyone there? Mike? Will? God! Anyone!' There was a crash against the door, they were throwing themselves against the bus to get inside. 'We're at the old junkyard, and we are going to die!' 

There was another metallic clang, but this time it came from above. The five of them looked up at the ceiling, and the footsteps of something walking towards the airlock could be heard. Max, who was standing by the ladder, let out a scream when she saw one of the animals poke its head through the entrance. Y/n and Steve ran to the children, to cover them.

‘Out of the way! Out of the way! You want some?' Steve muttered, raising his bat. Y/n moved the kids to the other side of the bus, shielding them. 'Come get this!' 

Another distant roar broke the silence outside, and y/n sincerely thought they were going to die there, however, instead of more creatures appearing, the one on the roof came down from the bus. 

They waited for a minute, listening carefully, and when they heard nothing, they cautiously exited the vehicle. Steve and y/n got off first. 

'What happened?' Lucas asked.

'I don't know.'

'Steve scared 'em off?' Dustin asked.

'No. I don't think so...' y/n said, watching as one of those creatures went into the woods. Steve thinking the same as her, continued, turning around to look at the kids.

'They're going somewhere.'

[willow-by-the-brook]

A Glimpse in The River

(this is a repost of some old work. sorry if this isn't to your taste and let me know if you'd like to see more or if you'd prefer to just read my 'poetry'.) (thank you for your valuable time and support❤️❤️.)

Day of the Mirror

The feeling of hitting wet sand while running. 

Your sunlit face tells you it's a hot day out, while the rest of your river-water-covered body tells you it's cold.

Your timid, nervous face looks at you from within the clear river water.

Could this day get any worse?

Maybe it will.

Day of the Self

A large and dark-grey ceiling hangs over a room of three completely white walls. The roof overhead is heavy and hangs directly over the heads of those below. It is lumpy, uneven and covered by a thick veil of perpetual gloom.

The strange thing is, the ceiling, as horrible for a stable structure as it is, continues looming overhead with no sign of ever bursting and ending the misery it is put through, resulting in the very thing causing others grief and disappointment.

You look at the ceiling and try to understand how it came to this situation. You wonder what the damage is and try to look for answers. How much ever you try, the only thing you find is grief. Layers and layers of suffering, misery and soul-emptying loneliness.

The walls feel solid, yet the sense that they could easily be torn down slithers up your feet, creeps up your arms and worms into your mind.

Day of the Odd

Is it possible for everything to seem out of place in an area housing nothing?

Can one feel as though they are getting suffocated by nothingness?

Why should life make its hosts feel like it wants to suck out all forms of reality from the hosts themselves?

A house with nothing to show must have nothing to hide.

Mustn't it...?

Day of Discovery

A house made of only a room with three walls.

A house whose broken fourth wall is unable to keep the house bound together.

A house with a weak base.

A house that has no doors.

A house whose walls are not connected closely with each other.

A house with nothing to show.

Except for an invisible window.

Will the window leave a tiny crack?

Can I hope for some light and warmth in this darkness-ridden world?

Day of Redemption

A small window creaks open in a dark and empty room, allowing a small glimpse of the world outside.

The cracks in the window are no source of hope. Instead, they are the exact opposite. They reveal a meek world filled with unpleasantries. The world they overlook is bleak, meaningless and a world that follows pointless objects in the pursuit of what it calls happiness.

Reform of a specific blind hope is in process. It was mistaken to believe that simply because there is another world out there, it would be better than the one I am subjected to live in.

We were told that there is always a better world out there.

That was a lie.

While looking through the crack in the window, my hands drift over the walls. They feel strange. The walls feel solid and as though they have been up for several years. What lies outside is only a limited, narrow view. The world seems completely empty, apart from a few disappointing, uncaring people pursuing pointless endeavors.

The small and limited room seems immaterial. The room is off-putting, with the way it warps the sense of one's reality. It feels unreal, yet forces you to think it is the only reality you can attach yourself to.

If you don't, you'll just end up going mad. Or at least, that's how you see it.

Break Day

A crack in the walls appears as a pair of deep, loving green eyes peek through. The gap widens further and further. You notice the bearer of the dark green eyes is the one breaking the walls with her sharp glance and strangely gentle-looking hands.

She enters the wide hole and beams at you. She sighs in slight exhilaration. She moves closer to you, grabs hold of your hands and seats you onto one of the most comfortable-feeling armchairs you have sat on in a long time. She seems to conjure it out of thin air. You knew the chair wasn't there previously.

This feels good. The chair feels good. The air feels good. Her gentle grasp feels good.

You see the tiniest sliver of sunlight. You smile to yourself, one of the first smiles you have had in six years. You finally feel some hope for yourself.

You can do this. Maybe, just maybe, the window leads to somewhere good.

Present Day

"Aris? What are you doing here?"

"I tried to do the only thing I could. Escape. Leave the torture I was subjected to and fade away."

"But why? Why like this?"

"I don't know, Wisteria! It was the only way I could think of!"

"You know there was another way. You know there-"

"Wisteria, stop. I'm tired. I've been tortured for long enough now. Let me get just a little bit of peace in my sleep. We'll talk afterwards."

"(sigh) Alright. Take your rest. You deserve it. I'm staying here, though, and you aren't going to stop me.

17 years ago

A cosy cottage by the hills. A clear lake with little tulips and lilies. Little children running about the lake, all with about as much joy as you'd expect.

Could you think of a sadder and more painful sight?

A little child pokes her dear and delicate tulip head out the cottage window. She follows the children with dedicated and hopeful eyes, wishing desperately to be a part of their group.

She rushes out of the room into the kitchen. She chirps up, with her little baby voice,

"Maman, puis-je sortir jouer avec ces filles?"[1]

Her Maman smiles at her.

"Oui, ma cherie."[2]

The young cherie rushes out of her house, screaming as wildly as all the other children. Lost in joy, she has left the earthly world behind and ascended to a higher realm, that of Euphoria.

She rushes out with her newfound joy, experiencing it all in one go, unaware that that will be the last time she shares joy like that in at least 3 decades.

All the young children bounce about with joy, their delighted shrieks filling the meadows with pleasant birdsong. All of them jump into the lake and swim about for at least an hour, splashing with all the grace of a seagull looking for food.

None of them notice the smell of smoke piercing the air around them. Not until it's too late.

The little girl poked her head out of the lake to look at her Maman, but her eyes could only see flames licking the land around her. Frightened, she tries throwing some water outside. The flares die quickly, but she is still far too late.

The poor cherie rushes out of the lake, screaming, 'Maman!' No reply comes.

It never shall come.

Fearing the worst, she finds a pail nearby, fills it with water and runs to her house. The smell of smoke alerts her, and she throws the water, managing to put the fire out.

She rushes inside, hoping to find her Maman struggling to breathe but still alive. Nothing but a bit of her Maman's apron is one of the only survivors.

She does not make noise. She tries to will her legs to move, but they are frozen to the spot. She melts down and sits amidst the pile of ashes. She tightens her hold around the piece of cloth.

Unbeknownst to her, she has not escaped scratch-free. A part of her has burnt away in the flames, an essential component. In fact, it is the only part that ever mattered.

That part is a capacity to feel joy. Nay, it is the boldness to feel pure glee. And, by the time she regains that part of her, she will have been too late. She will have missed out on the chance to rejoice in the best parts of life. But she must know that there is hope for her. There is a cure for all afflictions and, no matter how late it comes, it will come, and it will heal her.

Present Day

Everything became hazy. My mind was heavy as is. The hospital beds were uncomfortable to sleep on, but my exhausted person did not care. I was just beginning to doze asleep when I heard Wisteria's worried and caring voice, barely a whisper now, say, "Thank you so much for asking me to check in on her. Poor girl, she's gone through so much. I'm glad she was able to get out alive."

The last thing I heard before dozing off was Wisteria's sobs as she grasped my hand tight. She managed to stop crying for a while, simply to tell me, "You shouldn't have gone through that. I promise that from now on, wherever you go, you won't go alone. I'm there with you every step of the way."

I give her a little smile. I forced my eyes open and managed to get some words out.

"Wisteria?" "Yes?" "I love your dark green eyes." "(shh) Save that for when we get home, silly!"

She smiles at me, pulls me toward her and clutches me tight toward herself. She holds me like that for some time, and I fall asleep in her arms.

It has been a while since I have felt such security, warmth and love.

It feels good.

(translation: [1] Maman, could I play with those girls? [2] Of course, my dear.)

[toucandrawz]

Hello!!! :D

I'm Toucan! I'm a minor, so nsfw/18+ accounts please don't interact with mine! Even if it's just liking or reblogging my stuff, it makes me uncomfortable.

I’m a he/they trans guy and prefer you use both interchangeably!

If you've seen my account before it's most definitely for my drawings of CoD MW characters as merpeople! It's so exciting to see people liking my art on here because of it, so I really hope if you like the CoD art I do I hope you like the other art i do! :D

I use #Toucan’s gay shit to tag my posts, so you'll probably be able to find all my posts under that tag! I'm also tagging my CoD merpeople designs under #mercod but it's not working like the other one? If anyone knows why that'd be helpful lol.

I have ADHD and so I get hyperfixated a lot! My most recent ones have been:

— Anthony Hopkin‘s Hannibal Lecter

— MTG

— Junji Ito‘s work

— A Night To Remember (my webtoon, Read it here or here)

— Call of Duty: Modern Warefare

— Rammstein

— My Persona

— Spooky Month

— My Hero Academia

FAQ!

1.) Q - Can I use your designs?

A - ofc! :D I love the thought of people using my designs! Please if you do use any designs i make for anything tag me!! I'd love to see it! :)

2.) Q - Can I draw your OCs?

A - Yes! But I'd prefer if the specific situation or something was run by me first, since I'm very attached to a lot of my OCs and can be quite picky about their portrayal. Please don't hesitate to DM me or ask about anything if you have any questions on their designs or personalities!

3.) Q - Do you do commissions?

A - yes! My commissions are always open unless I say otherwise! Please feel free to DM me on Tumblr or Discord (at toucan_drawz) if you have any questions about commissions or want to commission me! —> see My carrd, and dm me on discord (toucan_drawz) or reach out to my commission email (toucandrawzcommissions@gmail.com)

4.) Q - Can I use your art for my profile?

A - yes! Just please credit me by providing my account for that platform or crediting my YouTube or Tumblr. Please do not share my art as your own!! My art is very important to me and if you use it or share it for any purpose, I would like direct credit. Preferably a link, but just a username works too lol.

5.) Q - can I reference/heavy reference/trace your art?

A - using my art for referencing or tracing in a learning environment is alright. Heavily referencing is a bit of a grey area for me, if it's heavily referencing my OCs that makes me uncomfortable, please do not heavily reference or reference my OCs at all. On the other hand, if you heavily reference my art I'm a bit more okay with that. Just please credit me in all these situations. Please, do not trace and claim and of my art as your own.

6.) Q - What is your political stance?

A - left. So far left. My blog/account is a safe space for everyone and everything, except racism, homophobia, transphobia, zionism*, nazi ideology, and anything along those lines. I don't care if you think that ANYONE doesn't deserve to live based on a stupid ass principle of religion, race, gender identity, or sexual orientation. If you think that, get the fuck off my page and block me. Thank you.

*By Zionism I am in no way referring to being okay with anti-Semitism. By Zionism, I'm talking about the people who justify the genocide of Palestinians because of zionism. Please, do your daily clicks. And if you can, donate. (I also have another blog dedicated to Palestine, so almost all reblogs or links can be found there :])

7.) Q - Can I repost your art?

A - Please don't repost my art unless credit is given/you link to one of my accounts! Please don't repost my art without my watermark (the TD signature) or with it cropped in pretty much any way. I'd prefer it wasn't resposted at all, but if you do please add credit! My art is something I hold very dear to my heart and something I value a lot.

8.) Q - What program/tablet/brush do you use?

A - I use multiple programs! Mainly procreate for a lot of the things I post, with that I use an Apple Pencil (1st gen) and a 9th gen iPad. For the brush, I usually use the teyoid lineart brush that I got off Pinterest, and the hard round brush for shading and coloring. I also use CSP (Clip Studio Paint), especially when I draw on PC, with a pc I use a Gaomon PD1161 . And for the brushes, I mostly use this peachy’s somewhat dry ink brush for lineart, and then the default g-pen for coloring/shading.

9.) Q - do you have other social medias/where can I find you?

A - I do! I have a plethora of other socials, you can find me almost anywhere under Toucan Drawz, Toucan_Drawz, or anything along those lines! I don’t have specific links, since, well, I think I have too many socials to count. But I’m most active on tumblr out of all the socials medias that aren’t basically a messaging app (looking at you, discord).

10.) Q - Can i recreate your art?

A - No, please don’t. My art is very dear to me, and I don’t want it recreated. Imo recreation is different to tracing (in a learning environment) or heavily referencing, because it’s basically just remaking something, but changing it a little or not changing it at all. Even if it’s with a different medium, it makes me uncomfortable. Using the same pose/scene idea is absolutely okay! And if my art makes you feel inspired enough to want to, I’m glad! :D But please, do not recreate my art.

[xxduncandonutxx]

No obligation to answer this, though it's kinda funny you mention the possibility of Idolo "pulling a Shannon"...

I noticed that he's referenced 4chan a number of times on his posts across social media (twitter and both tumblr blogs) mainly as an insult to others, but it was so specific it got me suspicious, so I decided to do a little digging on desuarchive (it's an archive site for 4chan threads)

Obviously, I cannot claim anything definitive; however, I think there's actually a bit of evidence that suggests, if not a passionate stan of theirs, then Idolo himself has gone to 4chan specifically to puff themselves up and tear Viv (and potentially other artists he doesn't like) down, all while pretending to be someone else under the guise of anonymity and seeming to go quite each time users guess its him.

if you know what to type in the search, IE his various aliases and usernames, "hazbin redesigns", etc. you'll find some threads sharing his artwork, some anons calling them based, others sharing anecdotes about their past actions, etc. Plenty is in the expected "offensive 4channer lingo" just as a heads up.

Again, I'm not saying it must be them- chances are it can just be stans/associates of theirs. IMO among the most damning examples are reposts of the original blonde "Jeffery Starr" Angel redesign being reposted there several times, all within the same month, just days apart from each other.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if they do use 4chan.. I forgot that I even mentioned that he may be "pulling a shannon" lmaoo. But if they are, I'm not surprised considering that he pulled a "Vivziepop" by blocking me instead of responding, apologizing or debunking what I said about them.. ya know, me saying "You shouldn't be supporting someone who is spreading leaks or defending someone who is a obvious transphobe."

[springtrappd]

Legitimate question here: do you have DID? Like, there’s some descrepancies and refs to it in that discourse post, but, like, just want to know what you actually know about the disorder-

gonna repost my tags on the og post here:

...and say that while I am very uncomfortable with discussing the specifics of my trauma-based disorders on my five nights at freddy's sideblog, I do have a dissociative disorder. if you read through the reblog chain, you'll see that I already explained that most of the omissions in the og post were deliberate; I didn't want to take focus away from the point of the post (subconscious ableism), nor did I want to confuse people by overcomplicating the whole thing with specifics. I'm in therapy for it, I read studies on it in my spare time, I speak with members of the community often (and have many as close friends), and the only thing stopping me from reading books on it is the nightmare that is capitalism. I think I know a fair bit about the subject.