#I think you could use this as one of those tag-your-mutuals posts and “poison” other people? it's got that kind of vibe

[randomloserlover]

Oh no!! You've been poisoned by Pillow!!

post update: She has legs now

[reading-stains]

hello!!do you have skk fic recs?

Introduction

Yes, I do. I’m sorry it took so long to give you a reply, but I wanted to give you a comprehensive list and was busy preparing for my last day in high school, and then I got a job 12 hours later, and then I traveled to New York for a couple Broadway workshops. But now that today’s been dealt with, I have my wonderful notes.

So here’s the gist of it. I have three focused reviews on some of my favorite Soukoku fanfics ever, but I felt like copy pasting it would kill you a little, so I’m going to use a simplified format that echoes what I once did for two other ships years ago.

Canon Space

Here I compiled four fanfics that take place in main canon spaces (so not BEAST). While I encourage you to read, I also ask you to make sure to check the tags of the actual work for any possible triggers. Furthermore, the styles these characters are written in, and the way they are portrayed, vary from writer to writer. Some are more “canon” based than others, but they all carry the essence of this ship. And if they don’t in your eyes, then you’re just reading a great novel with Japanese names. 

i'll bleed out for you by StarshipDancer

Synopsis: After getting impaled together, basically dying in each others arms in a joint mission with the Port Mafia and the ADA, and getting brought back by Yosano, this shattered Soukoku is asked to go into hiding. In this time, things seem to start healing. But the impending call asking them to return to their positions in their groups haunts them, and when it arrives, things fall apart all over again.  

Tags: Caretaking, PTSD, A Singularly Important Rat Is Present, Canon-Divergence, Post-Port Mafia Days, Love Confession, Pet Co-Parenting, Angst

Word Count: 71,848

Notes: Rattata is the best character. I remember reading this fanfic between the airport and my flight, and when chapter four ended, I had to board the plane, with my shaking hands and quiet sniffles. Please read this one.

If you kiss me (I might let it happen) by encsiimomo

Synopsis: Chuuya’s done watching this. Dazai’s literally dating a new girl every week. He dates based on who asks him first that Monday, he breaks up with them that Sunday, and it goes on again. And again. And again. It’s driving him insane. So he does the only thing he can think of to earn himself a break – He asks to date him for that week’s cycle. Dazai’s surprised. Chuuya’s exhausted. But once the sparks fly, they’re unable to be put out. 

Tags: Canon Divergent & Kind of Canon Compliant, Dark Era, Smut, Mutual Pining, Light Angst, Silly

Word Count: 52,127

Notes: I loved this fic because it encapsulates a pretty carefree tone that isn’t associated with Dark Era. It’s pretty smutty, but it’s really lovely to read them. It’s not a reflection of what these characters canonically represent. And while it definitely stays as a loose interpretation of these characters, it keeps the essence that makes this ship so sharp and wonderful. I loved Oda’s appearances too, they made me laugh.

A Doll's House by Abyss_In_WonderLand_likes_sexy_cannibals

Summary: After coming to contact with an ability-powered artifact, Dazai and Chuuya are forced to work together to overcome the ability’s trials, and face the bubbling sentiments they keep trying so hard to ignore. 

Tags: Teamwork, Ability Loss, Poisoning, Denial of Feelings, Confessions, Light Angst

Word Count: 45,288

Notes: While definitely not a character study, this fic goes and shows how wonderfully warm a Double Black fanfic can be. You’ll giggle in some moments, be entranced in others, and it’s just fun. This is for those that aren’t scouring for the angst. This was the first fic that sunk me into a skk fanfiction hunt all throughout the winter holidays.

On Deathless Feet by AbsoluteNegation

Synopsis: Chuuya always knows the monster can get out of control, but it doesn’t get any less surprising when Arahabaki powers through him. For a while though, it’d been comforting to know Dazai could always reign it in, make it go quiet. Because he did when they recently met, when they rose through the ranks, and at the brink of their end. But after years of disconnection, and the consistent waves of betrayal, is Chuuya capable of trusting him? And is Dazai capable of letting him?

Tags: Caretaking, Controlling Arahabaki, Port Mafia, Post-Port Mafia, Mistrust, Non-Linear Storytelling

Word Count: 71,848

Notes: This story is just breathtaking. The writing style is incredibly vast and detailed, which may seem scary when described, but it flows so easily when you read it. You cannot negate AbsoluteNegation’s incredible skill. The story takes place in an event where Chuuya loses control of Arahabaki in a  Post-Port Mafia Soukoku time. But because of its non-linear style, one gets to understand their past experiences with each other in a manner that contextualizes and weighs in the events of their reunion. 

Fanon Spaces

Before I begin, I’d like to note that there are so many AUs in this fandom, that I had to really search for the canon ones in my list. So understand that if you want more of these, I DEFINITELY have more of these. Also, again, while I encourage you to read, I also ask you to make sure to check the tags of the actual work for any possible triggers. 

I’ll crown your inner child with laurel by acuteguwu

Synopsis: Chuuya has worked in a Michelin Star restaurant. So he really has no place in losing this cooking competition. But a sudden newcomer, who seemingly has no previous experience in the field, seems to want to tell him his bechamel sauce isn’t ready. And really, who does he think he is?

Tags: Chef Competition AU, Character Study, Slow Burn, Chuuya Is A Blunt Perfectionist, Dazai Is A Culinary Genius

Words: 197,090

Notes: I read this in two days, and I finished by waking up at four in the morning to finish up before going to a drag queen brunch. So really, my experience was incredible. You get to really know these characters, who are very themselves, and it’s lovely. Please read, it’s so worth it.

music for our funeral by itotypes

Synopsis: Dazai has always been lost on what exactly he wants to be. Chuuya knows exactly what he wants. Working with such incredible differences proves to be a difficult challenge, ending in at least a little bit of violence multiple times, but they make it work. Because their music sounds beautiful. Because they’re better geniuses beside the other. And maybe because once it started, they can’t seem to process this journey can ever end.

Tags: No Smut, Angst, 70s, Musicians!AU, Drug Abuse, References to Child Neglect, Lowkey Pretty Violent, Emotional Cheating (w/ Main Ship)

Word Count: 67,723

Notes: Look, there’s a whole genre of Soukoku music AUs. And I could tell you to read the famous “still, still, still” by icedlightroast, or the even more famous “I Was Screaming Your Name Through The Radio” by ElectricSplatter. Which really, they’re both INCREDIBLE fics that I think you should read (IWSYNTTR literally inspired me to try and write music, which led me to do an album for a school project, so I’m not kidding when I say they’re life changing), but I also know that these are famous fanfics that you can find in almost any big skk reader thread. So disregarding the following recommendation, I try to give you fanfics I found through a long scrolling process. 

Everything or Nothing by Wellthathappened (Cataclysmic_Calamity)

Synopsis: Chuuya has never been able to experience much. So when he meets Dazai on the night of orientation, he lets himself explore. So as lips sink into his, and as he lets himself be free, Dazai lets him know how unimportant he is by walking away when kids walk in on them. Cut to a month later, they’re paired as roommates, Chuuya’s gotten what Dazai insists is a douchey boyfriend, and Dazai Osamu has to recognize it wasn’t true. It wasn’t a night’s fluke. He really, definitely isn’t straight.

Tags: College AU, Pinning, Chronic Illness, Creation & References Of Illegal Panini Rings,  Confessions, Miscommunication, Past Sexual Abuse, Bad Parenting, Cute Dates, Dazai’s Really Rich

Word Count: 264,937

Notes: I recognize I just put in my notes that there’s no major point in recommending these big fanfics, but I just read this because the person that introduced me into the fandom in the first place really loves this one. And it’s incredible. Worth every moment. I laughed a lot, and cried a lot. It’s those pieces of work that resound with you that keep you engaged. This one builds off of that.

Inseparable by milwritescausewhynot

Synopsis: Dazai and Chuuya have been joined to the hip since day one. But they’re not best friends. Or enemies. Or, worst of all, lovers. They are, however, great at pranking each other. Until one goes close to dangerous, and things begin getting complicated afterwards. 

Tags: High School AU, Pranks, Light Angst, Denial, Pining, Confessions, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Crazy Kouyou, Childhood Friends, No Smut

Word Count: 107,804

Notes: I hadn’t saved this one in my compilation, but I couldn’t not find it. This fic is so charming, and I most enjoy how the characters move through the story. You can feel the way they're in-tuned from the get go. Definitely recommend.

In Conclusion

Again, I’m sorry for such a late response. I’m literally falling asleep right now but I felt too guilty leaving this for tomorrow morning. If you have any questions, notes, or looking for something specific for your reading, we can talk about it. 

Anyways, thanks for asking! Hope you love them, and sorry for any mistakes

[fymagnificentwomcn]

I still have plenty to say on the topic, so bear with me, the original link is here, it would be too much there I think.

Anyway thank you Sol @palaceoftears for these tags that succinctly sum up the main point of the original post, let's bring them as starting point here:

#joanna you ate this!!! missed reading you#truly love how deeply you analyzed that confronting suleyman IS confronting the system!#also the freeing aspect because like freedom doesn't have to mean happiness?#yes ofc hurrem wouldn't be happy knowing ultimately suleyman didn't love her & her children over himself#but it's still freeing to not live yout whole life brainwashed lol?#like I never get how ppl that loves her watch her going from 'i'll kill the sultan' & 'don't treat us as animals' to dependant on suleyman#and just go 'happy ending :D' about it#mahidevran sultan#hurrem sultan#sultan suleiman#magnificent century#muhtesem yuzyil

You know how much I dislike Surrem, but I absolutely get people shipping it without getting it like "happy in love" (huge kudos to my sis Tisha) since it's an extremely complicated, mutually toxic relationship, while yes they do love each other at same time. But they are both each other's heaven and hell simultaneously throughout the whole show, with Hürrem being in worse position due to power imbalance. Power imbalance that never fully goes away. He might also be dependent on her in emotional way since he himself comes to belief she is the only person who would never betray him (because she truly had least benefit in it). Don't be fooled though, if she had e.g. crowned Bayezid in S3 as Sah intended, he would have shown her no mercy. /I once mentioned a bit about them, also historically here./

And LBR she got mistreated by him (please, he told her to kill herself for him, and the goal was not to determine whether she had poisoned Mustafa truly) multiple times before S4, it was only because of the topic covered I mentioned S4 stuff, especially related to how he screwed her kids.

People think of stuff in "tangible" categories and why stuff like mere "awareness" (without leading a revolution or whatever lol) seems to have little meaning.

Which is again one of the main themes of the show - to give voice also to those who lost and as such do not have the "but we won, we were happy, we lived" defence always acting for them. Bah, even controversies or discussions surrounding them. They are losers, not even worthy to talk about, and put on sidelines. We often discuss what motivated the "big figures" who got to become rulers, even if we do not approve of their actions or criticize them. Rarely we talk about "losers". Which is what Mustafa's letter stressed - people will deem me as traitor, while your name will be written in golden letters because of all your victories. This alone will make your name remembered. And even considering that Mustafa was lucky in that people generally did not believe him to be a traitor, with Bayezid it was much harder because yeah he did openly rebel and it's not something we can deny. But some jump to conclusions like 'he was insolent and one day decided to rebel for no reason' (yes, I've seen such takes) is very simplistic. I do not even approve of a lot of his actions there since while I get his anger at Suly and Selim I hate how he involves plenty of soldiers in a fight without a chance to succeed as long as Suly ass lives, but damn takes like above truly erase what brought him to such point. Because he was the prince with bigger support at that time. He could have waited for his father to die soon and easily taken the throne. /And historically - yes if you actually dig up sources, he didn't wake up and decide to attack innocent cookie pacifist Selim lol/. Show! Bayezid telling Defne that he would be labelled as a "rebellious prince" for future generations with obvious evidence backing it up means a lot because even though he IS one, there is so much more to this story and what bought him to this point, starting from his father's attitude to him since he was a kid.

And damn I do need to stress the need for the critical approach to SOW (which does not preclude stanning the characters/getting interested in historical figures ofc)? Maybe not here, but I still see TikTok shit on “The big 5” introducing feminism to Ottoman harem. There is no revolution we can talk of in any case, but truly, where is feminism involved in Haseki institution? It only privileges one woman over others. The others are still required to serve them, which is why we had the Hürrem/Gülnihal and Nurbanu/Valeria stories. And what it ties with what Sol says once Hürrem tries to kill Gülnihal - her parents' ghosts appearing to tell her It's not revenge. It's not what you promised us. Meanwhile, the men are still in power, with a person like Suleiman having unlimited agency. More.. the man selects the woman he gives those privileges too. And even if he grants her freedom (if HE pleases so), it has little actual effect because we all know she is still forbidden to leave him and would have lost her kids anyway if she had done so. Thus said, the moment when show Hürrem slams the door to Sulyass' stupid face is one of my fave Surrem moments without a doubt and one of fave H moments in general ahsmshs. / BTW One day I will finally talk how Westerners focus more on say legal marriage when it that system having multiple sons was more ground-breaking because even free brides from noble families who did not have children had little power and agency. /

There is plenty of irony involved, just as Mahi finally freeing herself from attachment to Suly once he rejects her freedom to which he is entitled by the System. Bah, only he has the power to do so regarding his women. It's all only at his own discretion.

It is precisely what I also mean by "taboo-breaking" and the questioning Mahi does of Suleiman and the way he (as Sultanate) operates. In that world mere questioning could break the taboo. We do not know what future lay ahead for anyone, but damn what he kept doing was neither just nor wise according to the very norms of the times themselves. Yes, Mustafa was the most promising and fitting candidate for the throne and he did not betray his father, so Suleiman removing him from "open succession" was not even why this method of succession had been established in the first place and demanded from princes assembling their own support, also ensuring that he would be easily accepted to prevent discord and rebellions. Mustafa did it too well, the horror. And that him wanting to do something (also as he himself stated, since he got privilege of being the prince and be able to rule, he should not sit idly, but use it for good purpose and the people) only brought him troubles because of Suly ass own ego only shows again the problems with this system and being centered on one person so much. Suleiman violated a lot for his own agenda, centered around himself, not the future of the state. This is what Mahi is criticizing and stating it to his face when he tried to paint his son as a traitor to present himself as just and acting for the state IS taboo-breaking in itself. Asking the question instead of dismissing it all as "fate", as Mihrimah tried.

Mahidevran tries to awake Mihri, who while rich and "still in power play", is very similar to her in many ways (also with the one big sin that has weighted on them silently). They all lost. Even Selim. Getting Mihri's brother (Hürrem's son) on the throne did not mean triumph and happiness for her. Heck, even Selim is a walking wreck. It's not even about sides because SS truly managed to destroy everyone's lives, not only one side's, so in the end it's not even favoritism. All for him to go with his beautiful words, a show-off victory, and his beloved throne (while saying something else in his monologue). Mahi telling Mihri to stop holding her father blameless IS the moment making someone else's eyes open and maybe do not let actively go for something that will not help anyone out at this point, like causing discord between Selim and his son. These are small things that are important for the theme and how mental freedom is also of value. Same with awareness. Nobody expects revolution or claims something. And we are at a particular point when Mahi already lost Mustafa and says it already in the context with him gone. She won't resurrect him with her words ofc LOL. And Mahi truly didn't have to do this, just take popcorn and look at Hürrem's kids & other descendants fighting even more.

You can precisely see when SS decides how to dispose of Bayezid when Mihri says she will never forgive him and will be dead to him if he executes her brother. The lightbulb over his head in this moment lol. So her continuing to hold him blameless, while putting everything on Selim and Nurbanu is buying his shit and rules of the Sultanate. Mihri might have power, so she can stir things up in attempt to still "win", but.. they all lost. Her acceptance of it and stating it out loud before leaving Topkapi again has meaning. One might continue to have power and live in palace (unlike Mahi), but they all lost anyway. Mere meddling that can cause only chaos to still try to win is meaningless and can ony be harmful. As such, Mahi's words can have at least some impact.

Mahi and fate as Sol's post with Plami's commentary also has this delicious tidbit with mirror - most likely Hürrem would have never ceased to hunt down Mustafa after Mehmed's death because she had decided on eliminating him long before that and kept carrying out the plan via concrete & repeated actions. However, Mahi still questions herself on that because she can never know. And even if it changed nothing, it still tormented her and polluted her conscience. Because culpability is still there, regardless of "system" and circumstances" and whether it has any tangible effect or not. Same with Selim still being culpable even though SS wanted Bayezid executed. He still chose to do so anyway. Bah, he is actually very self-conscious and states clearly that he won because unlike the others he was able to kill his brother.

Similarly, Mustafa, Cihangir, and Bayezid also made their choices. Mustafa could have axed Suleiman and it would have been hard to blame him for this in the situation it boilt down to. Actually, he was the one with biggest support at that moment, so rules of the Sultanate definitely allowed him to dispose of an aging ruler who began making a multitude of mistakes. He had the biggest power at his disposal if he wanted to. Moreover, Musti also chose to invite the member of the opposition faction because she was his sister, despite said sister openly declaring her standing on the opposite side and speaking to him "with her mother's words" last time they met. Once more, instead of rules of Sultanate and how the system expected him to act, he chose familial bonds.

Then again, Bayezid did have Selim on his knees in front of him and chose not to kill Selim, despite Selim never promising him any change or begging for mercy.

They both died, but they also could have chosen differently and compromised their conscience and values in the process.

Yet the opposite choice to adhere to the Darwinist rules and get the throne at any cost is not something mechanic that promises happiness or safety, either. Actually, it can make you painfully blind. We see Hürrem deciding blood will be spilled only of her enemies once she learns her son is going to end up on the throne. When she meets with the witch after Mustafa is dead and the throne for one of her sons IS a certain thing.. it's not what she wanted to hear, starting from her own imminent demise from natural causes. Same with her trust in the "human face" of the Sultanate aka Suly ass:

The "right, sultana?" is an ironic call-back to the beginning of the episode when she uses same words about Suly's power to exclude herself from the matter of Mustafa's death.

Also let us note the use of the word "destiny"😱 .

Also, Hürrem did not come back to ponder her preceding conversation with the witch earlier, as she had another proof of herself not interpreting it correctly - when she assumed Nazenin's baby would be the one the witch predicated as the Sultan. Nurbanu was after all pregnant with Murad at the same time.. so no, the witch was not mistaken, Hürrem was simply so caught up in her own vision of how it would go (also with Baye taking the throne) or assumed the witch to be mistaken, so she didn't notice it was about her grandson.

Another interesting thing is that the witch also predicts Mihrimah's future and that while her physical illness will pass soon, the spiritual pain will soon start and persist.

Because even if we "win" in that we survive, it does not need to bring happiness with it. At all.

It doesn't work like this either (Mihri talks about sacrifing Musti and Cih), while we are at it. There are no simple mechanisms like that! And how Mihri adopts her mother stance and calls her out that only one of her sons can survive according to the Darwinist rules (which is also what Rüstem advocates in any circumstances, only for him there is no support for Bayezid really... any can go) is just irony at its finest, and it stems also from her feeling of guilt - I already tainted my conscience and went again familial bonds, so let it at least mean victory for my favourite brother. She is now quick to accept one of them will die, she just wants to ensure it's not Bayezid.

Another of Hürrem's children that do adopt her "survival no matter the cost" agenda (and no, it's hard going for that to "pacifism" agenda shortly after getting what you wanted), and to a bigger extent, is Selim obviously.. Selim states to Bayezid that he will live because he is capable of killing his brother for his own survival. But we know what sort of life this is (and that he won't live long from history). He might later quote his mother to Mihrimah and convince himself that since nobody is innocent under this dome, so only the deserving win, but outside that, he does call himself a "brother killer" and does consider it a burden. /And Selim being his mother's son is another fascinating topic, since he was like.. her least fave and yet he is the one most alike her and who most absorbed her views and agenda.. to later emerge as sort-of third unexpected faction /.

Neither Mihrimah nor Selim ever found peace after adhering to the System's rules of fratricide. Bah, they cannot even be a family again as the only surviving members.. instead they openly accuse each other of being brother killers. Judging by history, they will eventually learn to co-operate, but nothing will be the same ever again. There is no moral victory in it for sure. Selim does not claim it any point. Actually, he is the one to point out that: We all lost. Innocence died and nothing will be as before. We can accuse Selim of many things, but he is a pretty self-conscious character indeed.

The others might be dead, but they did adhere to their principles and values due to choice.

The power of reflection or questioning is also tied to to the concept of choice as what makes us a human. MC never promises us happy ending (how it could, we all know the ending point), but the mere presentation of choice, of humans trying to create something positive, like Mustafa, Bayezid, and Cihangir deciding not to fight against each other as expected, is meaningful.

Instead we got nobody truly winning or benefitting from what happened LBR. It cannot get worse than that, really.

The whole issue again reflects what I said earlier in that post on how Erdogan historical propaganda works. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but there is no questioning at all. Instead we have normalization of violence and presenting it as something necessary, and that there is no choice or alternative to what happened. The sultan killed his brothers, but he had to. It was necessary, it was automatic. There is even no person behind it, but a robot always doing the right (even if brutal) choice because "it was like that".

And to some up the great ironies of life, we can remember that Mahi who lost it all... survived them all, so she won the Darwinist game in the end despite being rejected by System multiple times:

[dragonofeternal]

Zooming in on those tags. Tell Me

I want you to know I literally cackled aloud in delight when I saw this message.

Okay. So.

~*~Legato Quadrant Shipping~*~

Legato ♥ Knives Not so much in an ooooh I think their love is so totally canon uguu~ way (I think your post about the insurmountable wall of mutually insane bullshit between them is a really great breakdown of all the stuff they have both for and against them) but in a way where like...

Legato is devoted to Knives utterly and completely. This devotion is of a sort that it consumes his bodily autonomy and turns him into someone who makes himself a weapon purely to advance Knives's goals. He is pitiably obsessed. This obsession doesn't need to be reciprocated either; he is content to be of use, to be acknowledged for that alone.

He ALSO (although he would never, ever admit it to an outside party) can see the edges where Knives is weak. He held him with his threads when they first met; he senses the shift in the air when Vash and Knives clash on the arc the first time and knows that if he doesn't intervene, Vash will absorb Knives. Knives lets him live despite knowing and seeing these parts of him, and Knives relies on him, even if he won't articulate that's what he's doing.

Legato ♦ / ♠ Elendira Much ado has been made over the years about ships with red/black flips, but I'm here to tell it to you straight and say that the REAL shit is a good pale/black flip. The way that mutual respect and mutual annoyance are inexorably linked!!! They way that only someone who hates you soooooo bad can know your weak points in a way that would allow them to cover for them!!!!!

It's pretty clear that Elendira doesn't like Legato- she takes clear annoyance that Legato is the only Gung Ho Gun without a number, she """jokes""" about killing him for being useless in front of Zazie, she drags him back from the Dragon's Nest riddled with her nails. While Legato's own feelings on her seem to not be quite as aggressively negative, he does still act petulant and dismissive around her when she tries to antagonize him.

And yet... it's not all just hate. While Knives is the one who sends Elendira to rescue Legato from the Dragon's Nest, Elendira herself tries to intercede and stop Legato from interfering in the fight between Knives and Vash because she feels he'll be outclassed and smashed like a bug. She's clearly impressed and grateful when Legato saves them from Zazie's treachery, AND when the poison takes effect on her, one of her first thoughts is to wonder if Legato is already dead... enough so that she drags herself to where he should have been. When Elendira dies, Legato senses it and takes a moment of pause in his fight with Vash before promising he'll join her soon.

I'm always grrr about things that try to simplify moirallegience into just "TEE HEE BESTIES" -- I don't think a moirail/kismesis flip relationship between Elendira and Legato would be the sort where they're braiding each other's hair one day and stabbing each other the next, but I think there's a lot you could dig into with their relationship as one of mutually respect for each others' power, mutual annoyance that Knives gives the other the time of day, and an irrepressible need to make sure that the other gives their ALL in everything they do.

...And now.

Allow me to show you my final big brained quadrant thought:

Legato ♣ Wolfwood ♣ Vash GETS UP ON A CHAIR WITH A MEGAPHONE: KNIVES APPOINTED WOLFWOOD TO AUSPISTICE BETWEEN LEGATO AND VASH!!!!!!!

Cuz like. For all that Legato is sometimes in spades for Elendira THERE AIN'T NO INTENTIONS MORE PITCH THAN THE ONES LEGATO HOLDS FOR VASH THE STAMPEDE. Vash nearly killed Knives. Vash's pacifism irritates every viewpoint on how Legato sees the world. Legato wants to fucking destroy Vash until not a single speck of him remains.

And that's a problem for Knives because like. Mmm, holds back a yawn, you know he's kiiiind of fond of Legato cuz he's useful, so he can't have anything happen to Legato. And as for Vash, well, no one's allowed to lay a finger on Vash but Knives (because he wants him in every quadrant like a desperate fool what) and if he lets Legato's dysfunctionally aggressive blackrom play out it's gonna end with one or both of them dead.

INSERT NICHOLAS D. WOLFWOOD, PROFESSIONAL KILLER BABYSITTER AUSPISTICE. The Punisher's good at doing stuff, right? So he can follow along and make sure things don't get too unbalanced between Vash and Legato! Problem solved.

Except that Wolfwood is painfully outclassed by these two freaks of nature, an issue made more complicated by the fact that Vash never saw a problem he couldn't try to pale/ash flirt his way through before vanishing into the night but wait maybe he wants more than just helping Wolfwood and vanishing into the sunset??? Also Vash isn't stupid and can tell somethings up??? And so whatever tangled mess is going on with vashwood is there mucking up this perfectly good auspisticeship while Legato makes CRAAAAAAZY faces in the bg.

(And then Wolfwood dies and Legato is free to pursue his blackrom with Vash to the beautiful conclusion of finding meaning and joy through testing his strength against Vash before finally fulfilling the dysfunctional end we all knew was coming the end.)

ANd uh yeah that's my Legato quadrant thoughts.

[strictlybecca]

fic stats!

rules: give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

please excuse me bc i was not tagged in this, but i saw this pop up on my dash from some of my non-mutuals and i was OBSESSED - so i did not wait my turn, i've just gone for it :)

most hits: yes, there is a chain and no, you're not on it (schitt's creek) a patrick/david fic i started when there were literally 15 fics for them on ao3 - it's patrick and stevie's text chain for all of the episodes of season four and i still feel smug about some of the things i managed to predict. i think it has the most hits of anything because it was there at the Beginning on ao3, it's got the most chapters, and i did accidentally leave it unfinished for like two years. (oops.) [but it has an incredible podfic!]

second most kudos: the best made plans are your open hands (911) for a fic that kind of walloped me upside the head and made me write it in like... a single evening, the reception on this has been SO sweet!!! an au where maddie takes buck with her when she leaves home at 18. i call it my 'happy healthy buckley verse' and i even have some more headcanons for it in the tag i have for it. in my mind, nothing ever really goes wrong for these two in this verse; it's my emotional support au.

third most comments: i only wanna be alone with you (schitt's creek) another patrick/david fic, this one written for a challenge. (a deadline always increases the likelihood of me finishing a fic.) this is probably (?) the ~sexiest thing i've ever written and it is... like not that explicit lmao. it also had a prompt that made me want to jump out of window bc my secondhand embarrassment threshold is practically zero - but i managed to write something that even my poor little soul could read and enjoy. [technically, 3rd most comments is the previous fic, but this one isn't far off in 4th place.]

fourth most bookmarks: deliver us unto each other (the old guard) this fic is my favorite child. i just think the stuff i love writing and the stuff i'm good at writing collided in this fic in a really lovely way and i'm so stinkin' proud of it. i felt feral while writing it lmao. it's about nicky's complex but deeply earnest and loving relationship with god and how his love for joe actually reaffirms his faith!! plus some great nicky + nile bonding.

fifth most words: i fell heavy into your arms (as the world turns) this is not my favorite of my luke/noah fics but i am very glad one of them made it on the list because all of my longest stuff is for this fandom and i miss nuke an unreasonable amount. those big bang prompts could pull 30k from me, no problem!!! this one's an au where noah is a detective and he has to solve damian's murder - and holden is a suspect :(

and least amount of words: Commandeered (h50) god this one was written so long ago it's still got an uppercase letter in the title 😬 also back in the day when i was still posting individual drabbles as their own fics - i've learned better! this fic represents my intense mcdanno phase, which still lingers in my heart like poison. (or a bomb.) genuinely a delightful prompt tho - an au where danny is the navy SEAL and steve is the jersey transplant. i honestly think i pulled this one off pretty well! they still sound very much like themselves.

-

i'm sad none of my sparty fics happened to make it in, since that was an Era unto itself but all of these delight me, so!!! here you go!!!

i tag: @cluelessheroes @functionalnihilism @angryfightingjew @woebegone-kenobi and literallly anyone else who wants to do this. you, yes you. i mean it!!! i promise you, if you do this and just pretend like i've tagged you to do it i will EDIT this post and tag you in it like you've always been there. i don't care if we're not mutuals DO IT!!! (sorry this was fun i really liked it and i'd like everyone else to have fun too!)

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

VelvetCardiganBucky’s Recommendations 2021: Week 10 | February 28th –March 6th

Welcome to week 10 of my recommendations, if you would like to be featured on a future list, I follow the hashtag #VelvetCardiganBucky, message me, tag me in your future works, or reblog this post and link to your story, one-shot, Masterlist, writing challenge, etc.

Be aware some if not most stories and writers on this list are meant to be consumed by an audience of those 18+. My blog is also an 18+ blog.

✨Page breaks are made @firefly-graphics✨

🗓Weeks 11 & 12 or 12 & 13 may be combined into 1 list as my best friend, that I haven’t seen in over 3 years, is coming up to stay with me at my Aunts in the city.

«Last Week

Week 11»

My Masterlist

My Fic Rec List of Mafia/Mob Bucky/Sebastian & Steve/Chris/Andy

Stuff I Posted This Week:

I’ll Stand By You » Steve Rogers x Reader — Steve Rogers will never leave you, no matter how dark your past is.

Bucky Barnes

(Mini) Series:

*A Mutual Weirdness by @ayybtch » Bucky Barnes x Reader — I am a very weird person. I somehow managed to find an equally weird person whose weirdness matches my weirdness and we ended up in love. All of these are completely stand alone stories inspired by some strange things my partner and I have said to each other. You don’t need to read them in any particular order, nor do you need to read them all to understand what’s happening. Just enjoy the weirdness. | This series is just so fluffy and funny, each and every chapter you will find yourself laughing, I promise.

Run To You 🪙 Pt. 8 by @bestofbucky » Mob Boss!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Mob boss Bucky Barnes hires you to be his bodyguard. | The Angst is here and it is so good. This series just keeps getting better and better.

*The Pure and The Poison after → Beg For Daddy after → Some Old, Something New by @sweeterthanthis » Stepdad!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader, Peter Parker x Female Reader — It’s time to give Daddy a taste of his own medicine by bringing your boyfriend, Peter Parker, home for dinner. | If you ever wondered if you are in denial of that secret daddy kink of yours, I suggest you read this series. Because let me tell you it’s filthy in a good way but it leaves you going, I could have sworn I didn’t have a Daddy kink or maybe you go, that was just perfect! Lau just knows how to feed your soul!

Drabbles:

*Hugs My Love by @thatfuckingweirdo » Mobster!Bucky Barnes x Reader — You just really need a hug, and Bucky is the only one you want it from. | If you are suffering from the Monday blues, this is the remedy just for that. So fluffy, it’s like being wrapped in that favorite blanket of yours.

Up, Up and Away by @thatfuckingweirdo » Bucky Barnes x Insecure!FemaleReader — Bucky turns soft in the middle of sex, and you’re left wondering if you were the cause. | This was really good and as a plus!size girl I felt a connection, but by the end all you feel is adoration from Bucky.

One-Shots:

No Goodbye by @badassbuchanan » Bucky Barnes x Reader — Bucky’s left to pick up the pieces of a broken heart. | Please have tissues on standby for this one. It’s so good y’all, but man do you feel the angst. I’m really hoping for a part 2, which I think after going back to read it alludes to it. We’ll see. I’m easily confused folks.

*Die Happy by @mrwinterr » Ghost!Bucky Barnes AU x Female Reader — You summon a really friendly ghost. | This is so fantastic and the smut in this list left tingles down my spine. 10/10 would recommend.

edge of the devil’s backbone by @sunmoonandbucky » knight!bucky barnes x princess!reader — Your knight has sworn to protect you always, even if that means committing a grave sin. | Don’t we all wish we had a Bucky who slayed those obstacles in our ways for us and wrote us beautiful letters when we were apart? So Good!

*Cheeseburgers Make Me Happy by @buckysdolls » Bucky Barnes x Reader — Ooh can I get one where the reader is maybe Morgan’s babysitter or something and post Tony’s funeral. And Bucky is just there, very sad and reader and Morgan just kinda cheer him up and fluff. | While this is fluffy, I still had a few tears slip, but I still loved it oh so much.

*Dawn by @msmarvelwrites » Bucky Barnes x Reader — ‘so far away… So alone. This place was once somewhere you could truly feel yourself. But if you couldn’t fight, what good were you here? | Brontë thank you for pulling on my heartstrings in such a beautiful way. This showed that sometimes you can’t and don’t need to go through depression alone and it’s okay to ask/rely on others for help.

Steve Rogers

(Mini) Series:

One Step Closer by @river-soul » Dark!Steve Rogers x Plus Size!Reader — Three weeks after your training session with Steve goes horribly wrong, he brings you to his office to remind you who you belong to. [Dubcon and explicit sex, 18+] Sequel to Points of Authority | I love, love, love this mini/series so much. The smut in this is so good and dark!steve always sends chills down my spine.

Dark Commander by @jtargaryen18 » Hydra Supreme aka Commander Steve Rogers x Civilian Reader — Immediately following the Battle of New York in May 2012, the world is about to learn that Hydra is very much alive, a parasite that’s infiltrated both SHIELD and the US Govt. The world is about to meet the Hydra Supreme… Will the Avengers be able to stop Hydra before it’s too late? Will they be able to stop its Dark Commander? | I have had dreams about not only reading this series but all about being in this series, (that’s what happens when you re-read before bed) that’s how much I love this series. I can’t recommend this enough, @jtargaryen18 writes such amazing stories, this is no let down.

One-Shots:

*did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? » Steve Rogers x Readers — in which the reader breaks free from her perfect fantasy. | I truly loved this and I highly recommend everyone read this, when you do please have tissues by you.

Mission Birthday by @nony-bear » Steve Rogers x Reader — It’s your boyfriends birthday… the only problem is, he didn’t tell you. | It’s so fluffy and sweet it will make your teeth ache, but leave with a smile on your face.

my old man is a tough man, but he got a soul as sweet as blood red jam by @cloudystevie » Mob Boss!Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader — steve gives you what you want… kind of. | Get yourself a cold drink, because I promise you, you’re going to need a cool down.

Ari Levinson

(Mini) Series:

Lead Me Home 🏠 Pt. 1 🏠 Pt. 2 🏠 Pt. 3 🏠 Pt. 4 🏠 Pt. 5 by @river-soul » Alpha!Ari Levinson x Omega!Reader — While on an aid mission to Sokovia, your colleagues are targeted and killed by Alpha soldiers. Left stranded and alone, your only hope is to trust a strange Alpha named Ari who promises to get you home safe. [Mentions of violence and A/B/O dynamics] | Love me some Ari Levinson but add in some Alpha!Ari you make me really happy! I can’t wait to see what happens next.

One-Shots:

Distraction by @wanderinglunarnights » Ari Levinson x Reader — Working on a case together you spend a lot of time together on the road. You have to spend the night in the local motel and of course there’s only one room with one bed left. | Short and hot, just the way you needed it sometimes.

Andy Barber

(Mini) Series:

*To Have & To Hold Sequel to Blackmail by @stargazingfangirl18 » Mob Boss!Andy Barber x Reader — You’re settling into married life with Andy when you see just how far he’s willing to go to protect you. | This is such a good follow up to Blackmail! There is action, angst, smut and fluff. Like it has everything I could ask for and more. Looking forward to part 3!

One-Shots:

A Second Too Late by @angrythingstarlight » Andy Barber x Reader — You meet the man of your dreams. Too bad he’s waiting for someone else. | I honestly don’t know what is going on with my hormones but I was tearing. It’s really good but honestly anything I read by @angrythingstarlight is good.

In Between The City Walls of Dying Dreams by @darkficsyouneveraskedfor » Ex-Con/Dark!Andy Barber x Shy!Reader — One night, you’re saved by the last person you expect, but you don’t know that he’s only saving you for himself. | Can I just say that since it’s by @darkficsyouneveraskedfor you know it’s going to be good? This didn’t let me down. I also felt like I related to the shy!reader as I often don’t have a lot to say to people, unless I really know someone. Also amazing smut!

Cock Worship by @ozarkthedog » Andy Barber x Reader — It’s just what the title says of Andy Barber, reader shows her man just how much she loves Andy’s cock. | This was short and perfect.

Chris Evans

One-Shots:

Vacation Mornings by @angrythingstarlight » Chris Evans x Reader — No better way to spend your vacation than wrapped around your man. | The smut is great and it makes you feel fluffy.

A Terrible, Terrible Love by @punani » Chris Evans x Fem!Reader — You broke up seven months ago, and moving on was as easy as teaching someone how to drive stick shift. You live in his mind as much as he lives in yours, and perhaps some things are worth reconsidering. | This honestly showed that not all relationships are sunshine and roses, giving you a perhaps realistic take on love, with some really good smut!

Stucky

(Mini) Series:

*Twice Burned after → Twice Bitten by @cherienymphe » DarkVampireKing!Steve Rogers x SoftDarkVampireDuke!Bucky Barnes x Reader | King Steve has the reputation of the kindest king in all the land. How sad it is that such a man always seems to be burying a wife, leaving him lonely and searching for another. Seeing how Queen Margaret’s death affected you, the king hopes to raise your spirits by marrying you off to the handsome Duke, James Barnes, unbeknownst to you, sealing your fate. | I love vampires, but what I really loved is this especially dark!vampire king Steve. The smut in this was so good and I got chills while reading this. I’m so looking forward to part 3 when it comes out!

The Miracle by @heavenhatesme » Bucky Barnes x Reader x Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader — When infertility threatens mankind with extinction and there hasn’t been a baby for almost 18 years, what happens when two certain super soldiers fall for the same woman and accidentally impregnate her? | Sometimes you just need a good apocalypse au before bed and even though it’s just the first chapter, it still leaves you craving more!

One-Shots:

Deviation of Control by @navybrat817 » Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader — Winter Soldier turns the tables on Captain Hydra. — If you are looking for some really good smut, look no further, this has it.

Loving You Is a Losing Game by @river-soul » Soft Dark!Steve x Reader x Winter Soldier — AU from CAWS where the Winter Soldier is recaptured by Hydra and mind wiped. As Steve searches for his best friend and former mate, he discovers the Omega Hydra bonded to him. Looking for a way to lure the Winter Soldier out of hiding and bind Bucky to him once more, Steve decides the best way to accomplish that is through a shared Omega, whether she is willing or not. [ABO dynamics, dub-con and breeding kink, 18+] | Do you ever just want to yell at Steve? Yeah I did in this.. the cliff hanger had me going please Miss. can have some more. 😂

Initials by @americancowgirl19 » Stucky x Reader — Bucky and Steve finds their third soulmate in Wanda’s sister. Only problem is that she’s supposed to be dead, not Hydra’s new prized possession. | Sometimes you just need something that hits you in the feels with some angst and some fluff, and this is one.

Misc.

(Mini) Series:

A Boyfriend For Hire by @happygowriting » Dayton White x Bucky Barnes — Dayton White doesn’t really have time for relationships but he’s a little tired of the constant comments on his one night stands, finding himself a high class escort willing to play the part of his boyfriend. James “Bucky” Barnes is not who he expected to be, but maybe it’s who he needed. | The smut in this is really good, I want to start off by saying that, also that I never would have thought to pair those two up. I’m not fully interested in seeing how this story plays out.

One-Shots:

Leave Out All The Rest by @avintagekiss24 » chris beck x black!reader — Chris Beck returns to earth, and you are there to greet him after to really hard sleepless years. | This was so beautiful, had really good smut and so just fluffy. We need more Chris Beck on here and I’m so glad I read it!

Lost in the Lapse Again by @the-iceni-bitch » Robert Pronge (Mr. Freezy) x dark!fem Reader — Mr. Freezy’s domestic bliss gets jarringly interrupted. | I’ve never seen the movie, but if I had to imagine how Mr. Freezy to be this is it and the smut in this is so good!

[starrysupercell]

Second paternal-centric piece, centered on the highly dramatic Graveyard Fam! The patchwork family <3

Do I put way too many serious thoughts in things? Maybe. But I am a storyteller.

Heavily headcanon based that I've mentioned before.

Warnings: mentions of formerly living in a toxic and neglectful environment, and a current abrasive and struggling relationship between Mortis and Frank.

Ask to tag.

~

🧟‍♀️📱 Picture Perfect 🦇🎧

Emz awoke naturally, opening her eyes, and blinking away the sleep. She stared up at her ceiling blankly. What a good day's sleep!

She pulled her arm from the tightly wrapped blanket around her and slipped it under her pillow to grab her phone.

She held it above her face to replace the ceiling as the point of interest in her line of sight. It was around 1:30 pm. What have people talked about ever since she went to sleep earlier that morning?

She began to scroll through posts, ready to begin her morning regime of giving only a few hearts to a handful of posts, and maybe even one or two coveted comments from her. (It was best to leave them wanting more!)

However, she froze in her browsing when she quickly noticed a trend in today's posts. A long winded paragraph by some random of how lucky they were, a meme about single mothers, grilling pictures.

Oh, today was no day to lay in bed for half an hour before beginning her day! It was Father's Day. Emz twisted around, trying to roll out of her bedsheets.

"Ogh, stupid covers--!" She grumbled despite the fact that she loved twisting herself up in them. It helped her sleep at night.

The zombie rolled too far one way and gave a cut off yelp as she fell clean off the bed and landed on the ground painfully on her stomach. How embarrassing, she huffed, peeved. She slapped the ground in frustration and pushed herself up with the same palm. She sat on her knees and leaned on her bed, fixing her hair with her other hand. Okay, fail, but at least nobody saw that.

Absent-mindedly, the teen brought her phone up again and unlocked it fluidly. She scrolled through a few posts and ended up giving the first like of the day.

"Wait, no," She said, looking up. She had a plan for today and everything! Emz stood up and slipped her phone into her back pocket. First up, the gifts!

She bounded over to her closet and opened it. There they were. Two gift baskets for today. One for her Uncle, and one for Frank. Emz smiled. They were handmade of course, because premade goodie bags were absolutely lame!

As if she would settle for giving anything less than perfection. No, she hand picked what would go into each basket, decorated and placed it to be aesthetically pleasing, and wrapped it up with a gorgeous ribbon. She's even refrained about bragging about any of this online, to keep it absolutely secret. Man, was she just amazing or what? That was rhetorical, of course. She knew she was flawless already.

Like an instinct to survive, Emz had her phone out of her pocket and in front of her once more, camera open. She winked and stuck her tongue out with a smile, and took a picture. She grimaced.

Ugh, she had to go through her morning routine first and then take another picture afterwards. This was a terrible excuse for a selfie. With that thought in mind, Emz stretched properly, and strolled to her bathroom.

~

"Talk to me, Franklin. You know it's a mutual effort." Mortis said, poking Frank's cheek. He was leaning over the back of the couch where Frank was sitting at. The big guy tilted his head away with a grunt. His eyes were trained on the television as he tried his best to tune out the vampires.

"...Is this still about the dishes?" Mortis decided to guess since he refused to answer. "I'll have you know that I got started on them the other day. But then I got a call that simply couldn't go unanswered." Mortis paused and studied the lack of change in grump level in Frank. Okay. Maybe not that. "...If this is about my bats, I am not making them sleep outside. They like it in here. Only Robata likes it outside." Still no answer. Mortis tapped on his chin. What else could possibly be on his spouse's mind? It was already hard to believe that Franklin was mad at him, but he was just not budging in giving any hints. (Yet again!)

"Ugh," Frank grunted. "It's not just about the dishes or the bats." He started to explain quietly. Mortis leaned in attentively with a small smile on his face. Oh, it was such a rare treat now when Franklin opened up to him. Even if this was about an argument, Mortis adored the fact.

"It's about the fact that you still make excuses for your laziness." He finished.

Mortis frowned. Except for when he spouted spiteful lies and insults! "They aren't excuses! I'm telling you what happened. You know, you're not the only who lives here, Franklin. There's a thing called--"

"Good afternoon~!" Emz called out, stepping down the staircase with flourish.

Mortis ruffled Frank's hair and lowered his voice. "Hold that thought." With a pirouette, he shot a cheerful grin at Emz. "Poisoned Apple! Good afternoon!" The gravedigger greeted. Frank was annoyed, but he held up a hand to wave at Emz pleasantly. With his other hand, he turned the volume down on the show he was watching.

"Hi!" Emz said, stopping right before she reached the bottom. She was using the railing to hide the baskets. "You guys know what today is, right?"

"....Sunday?" Mortis questioned happily.

"I guess so, yeah," Emz said, "But beyond that."

Frank blinked and shook his head lightly.

"It's..." Emz paused for dramatic effect, and then lifted the baskets into view. "Father's Day! Look what I made!"

"Ooh," Mortis smiled, fangs glinting. He held his arms out as Emz walked forward to hand him his basket.

"This is for you and--" she moved on to Frank. "--this is for you!"

Mortis marveled at the items he could see, and turned it to see it from a different angle. The plastic wrap crinkled as he did this.

Frank smiled at her as she passed it over to him. With just a glance, he could already see some of his favorite things in there, he placed it aside and stood, prompting her for a hug as he walked around the sofa.

Emz was wrapped and lifted up in his large stature, pleasantly smiling. "I'm glad you both liked it." She laughed, muffled.

"Naturally," Mortis remarked, "Your craftsmanship is to die for!"

Emz was finally let go by Frank, landing on the floor. "Oh, tell me about it," she smirked. "I stayed up a couple of days ago finishing those up and they turned out perfectly!" She flipped her hair with an obvious flourish. "You can go on gushing," she said, only half jokingly as she brought out her phone to idly glance through any messages.

Mortis laughed in amusement. Frank smiled patiently. Emz was sharp around the edges, but she was endearingly so. As long as she didn't go too far...

"Oh, yeah!" She put her phone away. "You should both, like get dressed up. There's an event on the beach later on tonight, and I was thinking we could go out today. Like... my treat."

"You?" Mortis voiced for both he and Frank. "You have money?"

"Yeah? I save up. Don't you?" She asked haughtily. "Or do you just not want to go?"

Frank gave short laugh, and patted his stomach in jest. Mortis shrugged in amusement, catching on to Frank's joke. "Well, if you think you have enough for Frank, we'll be your guests, sweetheart."

~

"Oooh, futuristic," Mortis marveled, taking off the wide-brimmed hat he wore as the Trio walked inside. They were at the Zero-Gravity diner. It was a part of Starr Force's attractions.

A bored-looking feline straightened up in attention as the doors slid open. "Welcome, Civilians!" She greeted from her silvery podium. "Feeling low on energy? If you want to help out Colonel Ruffs in his quest against the Dark Lord, you should fill up while you've got the chance." She recited in character, "Luckily, you're safe here, and we've got plenty of foodstuffs that'll fill you up! So, how can I help you today?"

Emz scoffed. Did Kit not recognize them or something? "You could have skipped the spiel. Like, you know that we're Brawlers, right?"

The cat blinked slowly, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. "Okay. What do you want then?"

"I've got a reservation for three, under Emz."

Kit shifted her focus to the high-tech screen right beside her. It was see through. From the perspective of the Graveyard Trio, the images, texts and buttons were flipped.

Kit pressed through a few buttons, navigating through menus, and then confirmed Emz's arrival. "Alright. If you'll follow me." She picked up three devices from her podium, and began to lead the way through the restaurant. Her tail swished as she walked along.

When they got to the table, Kit waited until they were seated and placed the devices in front of the three. "Press the blue button to activate your menus." She said.

Mortis pressed it, and a holographic screen flashed into view, akin to Kit's own screen at her podium. He laughed. "This is spectacular! We should add a horror-themed restaurant to our section. It would be a hit!" Mortis exclaimed. "What say you two?"

"Ooh, that'd be sooo cute! I can run it." Emz said.

Frank grunted, and pressed the menu button. It didn't spring to life like Mortis' did, so he pressed it again, and then once more even rougher. It broke under his strength.

"Oh," Kit reached over. "Sorry about that. You can hand me the pieces, and I'll get you a replacement menu. I'll be right back." Frank did so, a bit embarrassed.

As soon as Kit was out of earshot, Emz laughed. "Our place won't have cheap stuff like here though."

Mortis grinned. Frank was less than amused and gave a shrug. It was simply an accident, and they shouldn't be rude about it.

Kit returned and activated the device before handing it to Frank. "Here you go. While you look through that, what can I get for you to drink?" She asked, readying a tablet.

"I'll have a peach iced tea." Emz told Kit.

"I'll have a glass of Merlot." The mortician decided.

Great. Now he'd have to drive. Frank rolled his eyes, and looked through the sodas.

Mortis looked over at him. "What would you like, Franklin?"

After eyeing the selections, he pointed out his choice. Mortis made a face and looked at Kit. "He'll just have a Coke."

"Okay. I'll get that to you. A waiter will be right out to get the rest of your order." Kit said. She departed from the table.

Emz hummed and stood up. "I'll be right back. Remember- order whatever you want! I'm paying." She reminded, smoothing out the cute dress she wore and then walking off towards the restroom.

Mortis watched her go, and then moved aside the menu device.

"Okay, Franklin. Let's talk." he interlocked his fingers like this was a business deal.

Frank ignored him, swiping through the menu.

"This is a fancier restaraunt. Emz is treating us, and you can tell how important this is to her, can't you? I hope you do."

Mortis paused for any telling gesture or expression, but Franklin remained quiet. The mortician continued. "Well, it'd be great if you'd drop the pettiness, if only for tonight. This is between us, not Emz."

Frank glowered at Mortis. Pettiness? Him? The big guy shoved aside the device now. He was tired of Mortis' tone and habits and everything.

"Don't even think of causing a scene here, Franklin," Mortis tensed up. "Think about Emz!" Frank frowned.

"Here are your drinks, Sirs." the black cat returned. She either didn't notice or chose to ignore the quiet tension at the table as she put the drinks down and then left.

Frank grumpily put his face in his hand. "Fine. But you're being a dick." Frank said.

Mortis was offended. "How!?" He asked indignantly.

"Drinking without even asking me, nitpicking what I want, and those are on top of the bats and dishes. And I bet you're ready with some excuse now too." Frank listed.

Mortis clamped his mouth shut. He was going to point out that it was only one, and that plain old coke at a more fancy place, really? But, that would just prove Franklin right. "Well," he struggled on what to say for only a second before finding a string. "You always keep things to yourself! How am I supposed to guess what you're thinking? You wait and get mad and then out of the blue, you just attack me!"

Frank furrowed his brows and looked aside, feeling a bit guilty.

"Hey!" Emz arrived and sat down, and scooched up in her chair. "You guys are being an itty bitty loud, you know? I'm sure you don't want people staring."

"Uhh..." Mortis said. "I suppose not. So... Franklin." He said awkwardly, trying to think of some different topic. "I think... our Brawl Ball strategy should change." He sighed, disappointed in himself. How weak of a subject.

Emz was puzzled and looked like she wanted to say something. So, of course, she did voice her thoughts. "Weren't you guys talking about, like being mad or whatever?"

"No....?" Mortis said. "Nobody's mad here. Am I right, Franklin?"

"Uh. Yeah." The big guy shrugged.

Emz pursed her lips. "Right... So this afternoon too?"

Mortis gave a tight smile. "This afternoon?" He pretended.

Emz was merciless in completely demolishing this lie. "This morning, when I walked downstairs, Frank was on the couch with the T.V. on. It wasn't muted, even though you were beside him presumably chatting. That's some weirdo way to talk if you weren't mad at someone." She said, matter-of-factly. "You think I don't know body language?"

"...." Mortis was stunned. Frank laughed at the absurdity. She had guessed it perfectly!

Emz crossed her arms though. She waited for Frank's chuckle to die down. "So, what gives? You two are going to start lying to me all of a sudden?" She looked between the two, waiting impatiently for an answer.

".....No." Mortis said finally.

"Then?"

The vampire faltered. "It's just that... well, you know. The discussions Frank and I gave, ah, doesn't have to do with you? So... why involve you?" Mortis managed.

"Okay? But, like, why lie about it." She repeated. She had an inkling about it now, given both of their awkward glances and fidgets. Her sharp tone softened, and she sighed inaudibly. Guess it was sappy truth time.

She looked down at the table, focused on the closed menu device. "I know you two argue. Like. Duh. That's normal. And, I'm guessing that you want to pretend like everything's peachy because you don't want to remind me of... well, you know who already!" She shook her head. "But I'm okay, really. I actually wake up on my own and not from endless yelling, and I'm not picked up hours late from wherever because you never agreed on whose turn it is to pick me up.." Emz paused, feeling quite at unease from sharing this, but pushed through. This was just another step at breaking her own tough shell. "What I'm trying to say is, simply arguing isn't going to remind me of my 'parents.' You two are leagues better, okay? I know you actually care about me. So you dont have to lie to me. Bicker and argue all day until your jaws fall off. You wouldn't be my Uncle Mortis and Frank without it." She smiled up at them.

Mortis had his upper face covered, just about already to cry. "Emz... I don't know what to even say..."

Frank leaned to her and gave her a kiss on her head. "It means a lot, sweetheart..." he said genuinely. Maybe he still had things to learn... He glanced over at Mortis who happened to look up then from his heartfelt pause. "I think I speak for the both of us."

They exchanged a soft smile.

"How about a picture?" Emz asked as she held her phone up.

"That sounds grand," Mortis sighed contentedly. Frank nodded with a smile.

The graveyard family bunched in together to fit into Emz's screen that she held up for all of them. On their way to posing for the perfect picture, their glasses were knocked down. The mixture of the three drinks short-circuited the menus, stained the white tablecloth and started to drip on the floor. Kit was walking by at that moment to check on another table when she saw the damage. That troublemaking team. Her tail swished around dangerously. She pulled a communicator out of her pocket and held it up to talk into it. She never took her eyes off of the Graveyard Trio. "Colonel Ruffs. This is MerXanary Special Agent Kit. Over."

"Roger!" He answered. There were squeaks in the background. No doubt the new Private was fooling around.

"There's Brawlers here giving me trouble. I'm requesting backup at the Zero-Gravity Diner. I'm going in now. Over."

"Willco." Colonel Ruffs confirmed. Kit pocketed her radio transmitter, and readied to Brawl.

Emz's camera flashed, capturing the moment.

[kobayboshi]

Genuinely flattered to be tagged by my favourite Wolfstar writer @veeagainsttheday *___* - I, of course, have forgotten every song that has ever existed whilst doing this

1. Favourite song at the moment

I'm still riding the Eurovision high, so probably Zitti e Buoni - Maneskin, or maybe even I Wanna Be Your Slave - Maneskin. Other bangers include: Technicolour, Discoteque, Shum, 10 Years, Embers (#wewasrobbed #noteven1pointeurope? #rip). Before May, I was on a real Elle King kick, so would have been Drunk (And I Don't Wanna Go Home)

2. A song you associate with your favourite ship

Oof, tricky, for whatever reason, my brain does not readily associate ships and songs together for me? Here's a few that I can come up with after wracking my brain for a while.

Booker/Misery: Good Thing Gone, Chained, Sober - All by Elle King. The voice of his poor, broken little heart

Percy/Oliver: It's Late - Queen. Based off a scene in a fic that I will finish, damn it.

Merlin/Arthur: My Friend - Dan Deacon. Oof those post finale feels.

Wolfstar: .. difficult. I would say Cybertronic Purgatory - Janelle Monae, #theveil. But it also reminds me hugely of my friend who died last year and .. It's hard to relisten to it, however brief it is. I can't really think of anything else for Remus/Sirius :/

Looking back, I do realise these are all pretty angsty .. I do like fun, happy songs and fun, happy fics! Just .. angst speaks to me, apparently.

3. A song that could be about you

A bit tongue in cheek because I can't think of anything else: I'm In Love With My Car - Queen. Thrilling Roger vocals, and I referred to my car as "a very pleasant lad" to one of my colleagues yesterday. And he is.

4. A song you think is overrated

There are plenty .. There was a song that got played so often on Absolute on my commute in, I would deliberately change my radio to static rather than listen to it. Can't remember what it is now, but it incensed me constantly. Dishonourable mention to Beneath Your Beautiful, which I don't think is overrated but the grammar of the title is like ants under my skin, and one of my university roommates used to play this on a loop, and sing to it, AND try to learn it on my keyboard, and I think it might have genuinely been the thing to tip me over the edge during third year. The murder would have been justified.

5. A song that reminds you of a good memory

Oooh .. Start Me Up - The Rolling Stones. It doesn't remind me of any particular moment, but always reminds me of the MASSAMAFIA gang and many trips together and I miss them so much ;__;

6. The last song you listened to

Right Here, Right Now - Fatboy Slim. Radio X was playing it when I was waiting in the drive thru, so I skanked along whilst waiting for my nuggets

7. A song that makes you laugh

Anything off the Music For The Mature B Boy album by DJ Format, particularly Ill Culinary Behaviour or English Lesson (remix), he brings a lot of humour into rap. Or One Vision - Queen, because of the sheer glee at being able to yell "FRIED CHICKEN!" at the end and also in the video, Roger does this and it kills me every time

8. A song you want your mutuals to listen to

Party Poison - My Chemical Romance: haven't got a shoutout elsewhere on here and I am *theoretically* seeing them in 2022, subject to the pandemic, and it is time to begin getting hyyyyyyped.

Tagging some people I’d like to get to know better @nicelytousled @schweetheart @kaydeefalls @flawlessassholes

[technoskittles]

Catradora fic rec list

I mentioned making one of these awhile ago and I’m finally sitting down and compiling some of my all-time favorite fics. I’ve read a lot (like, a LOT), but I feel like a few of those really deserve an extra shout out.

I’ll separate them between multi-chap and one shots, but other than that they won’t be in any particular order. I’ll also try my best to tag the authors here on tumblr if I can find them, but if not, just lemme know if you see your fic and I can edit this later.

I’ll also be including ratings/word count/trigger warnings/etc

(I’ll mostly be including common tw’s so please make sure you also read the tags for anything that may affect you personally! Also, if I miss any, please keep in mind that it’s been awhile since I’ve read some of these so I may not remember all of them!)

Key:

[E] - Explicit 

[M] - Mature

[T] - Teen & Up Audiences

[G] - General Audiences

And for the multi-chap fics:

(O) - Ongoing

(F) - Finished

(?) - Not finished and they haven’t updated in awhile so the author probably died

So let’s get started! (Get ready for a long post obviously)

Multi-chap fics:

1. upper west side by ceruleanstorm (F) [T] ~190,000 words

TW: past child abuse, alcohol abuse

@princessofgayskull

I feel like this is definitely one of the top must-reads for all Catradora fanfics. I know I’ve seen this on a couple different lists but I’m including it on mine as well because it really is just that good.

The chapters are lengthy (but in a good way!) and the story really takes its time to flesh itself out. The character development of the characters as individuals is beautifully done and wonderfully realistic. The pacing of the development of Catra and Adora’s relationship is also sweetly slow, a steady slowburn that invokes that deep-rooted yearning feeling mirrored by the characters themselves.

It’s a really clever premise that takes place in the modern world but implements the canon universe in the form of the book that Adora’s writing that ties back to her and Catra’s shared childhood. The way that aspects of the show were revamped into this fic are so creative and I just....ugh. LOVE.

This fic also has a oneshot compilation that takes place after the events of the final chapter which is currently ongoing and I HIGHLY suggest checking that out as well once you’ve finished this. 

The sister fic for those interested: she’s god (and I found her) (O) [T] ~40,000 words

2. The Devil Is In (The Details) by SeasInkarnadine (O) [M] ~58,000 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, child abuse, emotional abuse, use of recreational drugs, Major Character Death

@seasinkarnadine

This is a really great fic where Adora is an undercover cop who sidles her way into one of the largest gang syndicates to bust whoever killed Hordak, a big gang leader and drug trafficker, whose death was originally ruled as an accidental overdose. Her and Catra (one of the gang members) both know foul play was involved and work together to figure out the truth.

The dynamics between these two is so casual and hilarious but still has those gut-wrenching moments that really ground you and realize that their relationship is dysfunctional on a few levels. The exploration of Adora’s conflicting feelings towards Catra hurt in such a good way as she realizes that she does genuinely care for Catra, but also is aware that what she’s doing will eventually screw her over and land her in jail. It’s the best kind of underlying angst and I highly recommend it.

Another really great selling point that I particularly love is that Adora is deaf in this AU and the author really shows this in such a realistic and natural way that shows she really knows what she’s talking about. It makes the dynamic between the two even more interesting considering that Catra also knows sign language which give the two a lot of moments of mutual understanding that doesn’t extend to the other characters. It’s something that the two of them have that’s sort of just for them to be on that level of understanding and it’s so great.

Also, Morgan is just a great writer in general and I highly suggest checking out more of her stuff (her art too!). She’s one of the writers I’ve looked up to since my beginning days in the fandom and it’s still amazing seeing all the great stuff she puts out.

3. Skinny Love by Maychup (O) [M] ~100,000 words

TW: past child abuse

@maychup

Another staple of big fics in the catradora fandom but for good reason. This fic is a wonderful exploration of events taking place after S1 illustrating Catra & Adora’s relationship in a different path that the rest of the show takes. It focuses heavily on their past experiences with each other and how that affects their current situation being on opposite sides of the war. 

This fic is older, published just after S1, so canon divergence is an important aspect of its build. But the way the story is written is so beautiful and grounded that it’s still interesting even now knowing what really happens in the show. 

Their dynamic is kind of back-and-forth, with Catra figuring out what Adora means to her and vice versa and where the two of them want to go from that point. It has so many sweet moments and steamy ones as well (btw, there’s a lot of smut) and the exploration into each of the character’s pysches is so compelling and intriguing.

4. Faded With Feelings by yesimgay (F) [T] ~24,000 words

TW: recreational drug use

This was such a cute, short multi-chap fic. It’s a bit older but I think it’s still one of my top faves. 

A modern au, Catra & Adora are roommates post-college and trying to make their way in the adulting world. Catra has ADHD and smokes weed to help with that. One day Adora accidentally eats a couple of her edibles and cute shenanigans ensue. And that’s just the first two chapters.

The rest of the fic goes on to the girls figuring out their feelings for each other, especially Adora who, in this case, isn’t really sure of her sexuality. All-in-all, a really cute fic that’s a nice break from all the angst that typically saturates the fandom.

5. Chasing the Spotlight by holymountain (?) [T] ~20,000 words

This is an AU where Adora is hired to be Catra’s, a pop singer, bodyguard. There’s so many cute moments in this, though admittedly it’s been about 6 months since it’s last updated so be sure to keep that in mind.

6. we’ve been making shades of purple out of red and blue by darklady21 (?) [t] ~24,000 words

An “and they were ROOMMATES” au. In this one though, Catra and Adora don’t actually know each other and really only get to know each other over time. It’s cute and has a lot of interesting interactions between the two, but it hasn’t updated in about 7 months.

7. Tuning Out by FaiaHae (?) [T] ~2500 words

I actually really loved the whole concept of this fic but it hasn’t updated in like, an entire year so...only read if you’re okay with the fact that it probably won’t ever be finished haha

8. burnt sugar by jeserai (O) [G] ~11,000 words

@jeserai

Oh god YES this fic. The classic “fake dating” au except Catra is a rich kid inheriting a business who essentially hires Adora, a broke college student, to go on a date with her to this big business function. There’s not a lot to say about it other than that without giving too much away, but the fic is about halfway done at this point so it’s a pretty short read as of now.

Just be warned, it’s currently on a MASSIVE cliffhanger so if you wanna wait until it updates I totally understand lol

9. still waters by summerson (O) [M] ~28,000 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, self harm

A “The Last of Us” AU. Personally, I’m not super familiar with TLOU because I could never get into the game myself, but this fic is so well done and the writing style is so interesting and well-executed that I still love this fic to bits. But obviously, for those of you who are aware of TLOU, you already know that this fic is going to contain quite the fair share of angst so be ready.

10. Whispering Dreams by dragonesdepapel (F) [T] ~7500 words

It’s been awhile since I’ve read this one so I don’t remember everything, but I do remember really enjoying the writing style and the construction of this fic. It’s a short read, but it’s totally worth it

11. please could you be tender by erce3 (F) [G] ~40,000 words

@figbian

please please PLEASE go read this fic. I’m actually begging y’all to go read this one I loved it so much it’s still one of my top 10 faves out there.

This fic is set in a modern setting where Adora & Catra were childhood friends and are in college and god it’s just SO. GOOD. The writing style and composition of the flashbacks with the present events is so beautifully done and organized and I really cannot hype this fic up enough GO READ IT

12. buried a hatchet (it’s coming up lavendar) by erce3 (O) [G] ~12,000 words

on the note of that last rec, I highly rec their other work which is currently in progress. It takes place after S3 but it’s an exploration on if Catra and Adora got trapped in the portal instead of Angella and FUCK this person is genuinely amazing go read their stuff

13. Senior Year by SimplyAbsolute (O) [E] ~98,000 words

@simplyabsolute

This is a really cute fic about Adora and Catra in their final year of college and I guess for me personally it really just hits hard because I’m also in my final year of college lol. But really, it’s a great fic and I suggest checking it out. It’s actually only got one more chapter left too so it’s almost done!

14. Assassinating Adora by Wicked42 (F) [T] ~13,000 words

@wicked-42

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Jeez this fic was a real rollercoaster of emotions. I loved every bit of it. 

Basically, some people try to assassinate Adora and Catra stops one of them, but both girls are still inflicted by the poison and....it just gets crazier from there. Don’t wanna spoil it too much but this is a must-read for sure.

And this one may seem like cheating but I’m gonna plug one of my own multi-chap fics here

15. Pure Feeling (O) [T] ~30,000 words

TW: brief mention of sexual assault in Ch 5

This is a modern AU set after all the kids have been out of college for a few years. 

Adora and Catra were childhood friends but ended up drifting apart and falling out during their college years. Fast forward about 6 years and they run into each other again, except now Adora has a daughter and is struggling to balance her life as a single mother. Overtime the two girls work on rebuilding their friendship and somewhere along the way might even realize that they’re feelings for each other never really went away. But of course, like all things in life, this isn’t an easy process and they run into more than a few complications - internal and external.

One Shots:

(there’s so many of these I’ve loved so I’m really going to try and narrow it down to about 10. If yours didn’t make it, no offense! I just have WAY too many to include and this post is already so long haha)

1. The Interlude That Never Ends by FMLClexa [M] ~2500 words

TW: Major Character Death, brief mention of sexual assault

Okay I’m gonna be honest: If you ignore all the other fics on this list, READ THIS ONE. This is absolutely my #1 favorite without a doubt. It’s a soulmate/reincarnation au and it’s so wonderfully executed that I honestly cannot even begin to tell y’all how much I love this one. It’s old and one of the first fics I ever read, but it’s so timeless and excellent and I promise you won’t regret reading it. I know I’ve read this about a million times over.

It’s been a whole year and this has held my #1 fave position the entire time. READ. IT.

2. after party by summerson [M] ~2000 words

TW: recreational drug use

God this fic was so great I read it last night and I’m still in awe in how well it was written and the emotions it managed to invoke in me. My favorite scene is the part where Catra tells Adora “I love you” because it’s so raw and desperate and I vibed with it so hard. It’s really difficult trying to tell someone how much you love them with just a few simple words because they really just don’t convey how much you love them and it’s so frustrating and GAH this fic was fucking great please read it.

3. jigsaw by jeserai [G] ~2500 words

@jeserai

This fic is so great and I felt so warm inside reading it. Definitely read if you want sweet, slow friends to lovers burn.

4. Vicious by SeasInkarnadine [M] ~3500 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con

I really highly recommend this one if you can get past the trigger warnings. It was so well written and very suspenseful with the juxtaposition of the timeline between current events and snippets of what had happened just hours before. But the ending is really sweet and the way that Catra cares for Adora after the whole thing squeezed my heart to pieces.

This is one I’ve read a few times over because of how much I love it. Def in my top 3.

5. Basement by spookyscaryskeletons [G] ~2800 words

This was such a great rendition of “Adora and Catra are forced to talk” and the emotions were raw and bleeding and I love the character portrayals. 

6. Coming Apart by Whorls [E] ~13,000 words (or ~6,000 words each chap)

@crazy-pages

Okay this fic technically has two chapters but I’m including it here in the oneshots because the chapters are identical in the sense of story but the only difference is that in chapter one Catra is a cis woman and in chapter two she’s a trans woman pre-op. Other than that the chapters are identical so it’s mostly based off which experience you would rather have while reading.

This fic was. So. Fucking. Good. Sen did such a fantastic job with both aspects of this story and I love it to bits and pieces. The smut in the beginning is delicious as can be, but then towards the latter half it absolutely sucker punches you with feelings but in a good way. I really, really fucking love this fic and I think it needs more attention than it initially got so I’m imploring you all to please go read this fic. It’s fantastic.

7. Seconds That I Cannot Replace by Mogatrat [M] ~7800 words

TW: child abuse, underage(?)

This is a really heartbreaking fic set before canon. It’s about all the times that Catra and Adora started a romantic relationship only for Shadow Weaver to come in and ruin everything by constantly erasing and resetting Adora’s memory. I still think about this fic from time to time. Give it a go.

8. Come morning light by dragonesdepapel [T] ~1800 words

TW: Major Character Death

Another one that’s technically two chapters but it’s the same events, just covers the perspective of each girl. Adora’s dying and asks Catra to stay with her.

Basically this fic ripped my heart out and I still think about it sometimes.

9. someone you like by caela [T] ~5100 words

oh fuck me yes this fic. A modern au where Catra sorta stalks Adora on instagram and accidentally likes an old picture. Fluffiness galore.

10. When You Came Calling by ActuallyMe [E] ~5200 words

TW: Major Character Death

A 1940′s Mob AU where Catra is a private eye and Adora married high-ranking mob boss Hordak...who’s just been murdered.

Really great one shot. Personally I would’ve loved to see more come of this but it’s great on its own.

And once again, this is cheating but here’s a couple oneshots of my own that I wanna plug real quick

11. hang tight (all you) [T] ~9200 words

Modern AU fic set when Catra and Adora are in high school. Adora struggles to come to terms with her sexuality in an discouraging environment as well as the fact that she’s had a crush on her best friend since middle school. Personally I think this was one of my best works and a lot of other people seem to have liked it too so yeah!

12. as my World d[ivides] [E] ~2500 words

TW: Rape/Non-Con, Underage

One of my darker fics, but still one I’m pretty proud of. Without giving too much away, Adora suffers from a trauma and engages in unhealthy coping mechanisms and Catra enables her because no one’s taught them any different.

[concealeddarkness13]

WHG 15 Post-Games Imposter Syndrome Part 21

This is the night after part 20! Tagging: @sparkles-and-hens, @knmartinshouldbewriting, @maple-writes (also thanks for Indigo!), @pen-of-roses, @thoughts-of-nora, and @ratracechronicler!

After the sun set, I couldn’t sit in that room anymore. And Indigo had to have some kind of record of what happened with Shine. Or some kind of record about my crew at all. Didn’t she have to?

Well, I’d go find out. I snuck out as usual (really, those cameras weren’t worth shit), and got to Indigo’s office building. No one would be there at this time.

I snuck in through the ventilation shaft, just in case, and I found a file room. I thumbed through the files, looking for anything that could be relevant, but I couldn’t find anything, not after a few hours. And there was some annoying music playing. Which meant someone was here. It would be better to take a break and check on that so there wouldn’t be any surprises.

And of course, it was the bastard scientist. I cursed under my breath and tried to duck out of sight, but she saw me too fast. She dropped whatever papers she was holding and whistled for something and signed at whatever it was. Shine had taught me enough individual words for me to know she said, “block”. She pointed at the door, and a really big bird with colorful feathers and large claws on its feet and top of the wing ridge dropped from the ceiling to block the door. I had to stop myself from grinning. The bird was beautiful!

Wait, no. I was supposed to be glaring at Indigo. She didn’t get up, but she looked tired. “Here to cause more problems?”

I crossed my arms. “I could ask you the same question.”

She leaned back in her chair, sighing up at the ceiling before looking back at me. “Really? This is my lab. Is it so strange I would be here?”

“You never stay this late. That’s why I specifically picked this time. Do you really think I want to see your face right now?” Especially after what she said the last time I saw her. Shit. Don’t think about that.

“There’s a very short list of people who genuinely want to see me so no, no I don’t think you want to see my face.” She huffed and gathered her papers to put in a drawer. “Especially after what you did to it last time.”

I smiled a little at the memory of punching her face, but it was paired with a worse memory, so shit. “Did you find the video I sent you amusing?”

She sighed and glanced over at the bird by the door. “No, not really. Impressive you made it but you’re causing a lot of trouble for me right now.”

“Good. So, what horror are you working on now?” I pointedly looked at the drawer she had put her papers in.

Her face fell, and she gestured at the bird. Shit. Did I have to hate the bird now? “Her? She’s being destroyed tomorrow.” Oh, never mind. I could just hate Indigo more. “She was meant for peacekeepers as aerial support but they said she didn’t perform properly.” She signed, “ok” to the bird, and she fluttered over to Indigo’s table, taking a berry from Indigo. “It’s bullshit. They wanted something semi-autonomous and didn’t like when it displayed autonomy and bit someone who handled her roughly.”

Oh. Now my feelings were even more confused. Great. I had to go inside. Just to check out the bird. Maybe Mina was a good name? I signed at her, “come”, and Mina flew over. I held out my arm, so she landed there. She was gentle, not allowing her claws to break my skin.

I smiled over at her before I turned back to Indigo. “That sounds familiar.” I took a deep breath. “You’re not trying to convince me of anything right now, so you don’t have to tell me bullshit anymore: where is Churi holding my crew?” She could at least tell me that.

Indigo watched Mina a little bit longer before she looked back at me. “I told you the truth. They got out and I don’t know where they are now.” She rummaged in her bag and pulled out a bottle of wine and a cup. “I don’t have any need to lie to you. I’d tell you if I knew.” She poured the wine in the cup and set the bottle on the table. “There might be a glass in the cupboard there if you want some.”

I gently let my arm down to give Mina enough time to fly away, back to the table. I walked over to the indicated cupboard, snagged a glass, and poured myself some wine. It shouldn’t be poisoned. The Capitol wouldn’t want me to die yet. And anyway, she was lying. I downed the first glass in one gulp and poured a second one (Aunt Reeves had let me have alcohol under direct supervision, so I knew how much I could handle). “I call bullshit on that because what about—about Shine?” My voice cracked, and tears formed in my eyes. Shit. Not again. “That was their decoy phone. So, you had to have known where they were to have that.”

Indigo drank her glass slowly, watching Mina walk on the table, preening. She finally turned back to me. “They were alone. The whereabouts of the others are still unknown.”

My fist tightened around the glass, and my voice wavered. “Why did you have to kill them? You—you told me you could use them. And that would have been hell, but at least they would have been alive. At least I would have been able to do something.” A sob escaped my lips.

“I’m sorry, Triel,” Indigo mumbled. She wasn’t looking at me. “Others got to them first and by the time I got there the best I could do was make it quick.”

Shit. I could just imagine it. Shine, lying in a pool of their own blood. Indigo with a knife. Anger bled into my voice. “Did you know that the Capitol has a person who can magically heal wounds, even though it makes them hurt so much worse? I do, because that’s what they’ve used to keep my magic in check.” I slammed the empty glass down. “So, I call bullshit on that.”

“What do you want me to say?” Indigo snapped back, and that just made me angrier. “Would you rather I took Churi’s approach and beat them to death? Or cut them up over and over for whatever wizard to patch them up to do it again?”

“If they were still alive, I could save them.” Could I really? I was useless. Well, at least I could do something. I signed, “come” for Mina again, and she landed on my arm. I glared at Indigo. “And if you fucking touch any of my friends again, you’ll get worse than just a bruised face. You piece of shit. I’m taking Mina before you can destroy another life.”

“Her name is Ivy.” Indigo glared, but she didn’t try to stop me. She leaned back and spoke quieter. “She’s an omnivore, and she likes berries.” She pulled out a pouch of berries and threw it toward me.

Well, at least we could have this mutual understanding. I caught the bag and nodded, still making sure to sound angry. “I’m taking Ivy before you can destroy another life.”

Indigo slouched in her chair and sighed as I left. I didn’t even go back to the file room. Really, why would Indigo lie to me about my crew? Maybe Churi was lying instead. But what did it matter? I probably wouldn’t be able to see them again anyway.

Ivy stuck with me as I crawled back out of the building, and she circled my head as I walked back to where they were holding me. When I got back in the room, I signed at her, “hide”, and she avoided the cameras. I helped make a nest for her in the closet, where she could hide, and I handed her a few berries. At least I had been able to save her.

[bitchbrisket]

First Lines Tag

Tagged by @slightlyintimidating

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag 10 authors!

As all my mutuals have been tagged already, I’ll just tag a couple of people, @tara-stofse and @rapidashpatronus

I’m also going to cheat and give you a favourite line from each one, simply because the first line is rarely the best and why not be a big fat show off where your writing is concerned? Didn’t link because I am a lazy cow but my AO3 profile is at the top of my page.

1.       (The Worst Witch 2017) A friend like you – 'Get in loser, we're going shopping!'

Sometimes I come up with good titles and sometimes I desperately flail around and this was the best I could do. Most people should know what the opening line is a reference to and it was the first thing I thought of when the idea of this fic materialised.

  ·         'I know you think you're hot stuff, but Dimity can run rings around you. You have the acting skills of a potato' she icily informed a miffed Arabella.’

  2.       (Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries) An education - 'I confess, I fail to understand the point of most of them.'

Again, another crappy title but for some reason, no song lyric or poem came to me on the subject of policemen raiding a Chinese brothel in the 1920s and confiscating vibrators because they look like suspicious instruments. I did lift the first line from the script because that is partly what I based the fic on. 0/10 for originality there.

  ·         ‘The benefit of having so many deities, Lin reflected, was that there was always someone in, should you knock on the door of their shrines.’

  3.       (The Worst Witch 2017) Poker – ‘Miss Bat scuttled along to the staffroom after her date and walked in, only to halt in surprise.’

Good Lord, I’m really not selling it to you with these boring titles am I? I’ve done the strip poker storyline with the hairpins in another fandom and couldn’t think up a clever title for that either.

  ·         ‘Clothes were strewn everywhere but in front of Hecate, there was a small pile of hairpins and nothing else.’

  4.       (The Worst Witch 2017) Which witch is which? – ‘Wychwood forest was a mysterious place, full of wrackspurts and helipoaths and blibbering humdingers. Sometimes you'd even see a crumple horned snorcack galloping along.’

Yes, alright I borrowed something off the world of Harry Potter. A fic based off a post off of a popular post on Tumblr and title borrowed off Dianna Wynne Jones I think.

  ·         'Watch out for the blibbering humdingers!' she shouted vengefully after the troublesome tourists.’

  5.       (The Worst Witch 2017) They do it with mirrors - 'I've missed you.'

Very general, basic bitch kind of starter. Dial up the smut o’metre because witches are having the equivalent of webcam sex. Written for the Hackle Lemonade Challenge, prompt kink. Wasn’t one of my favourites to write but it does have one of my favourite paragraphs in a smutty fic. Beats the first line anyway.

  ·         ‘She groaned and panted as her climax finally overtook her, glad of the extra support from the solid oak furniture. None of this modern rubbish that couldn't withstand a good hard fuck. There was a time and a place for IKEA but this was not it.’

  6.       (The Worst Witch 2017) Every inch of you – ‘Ada loved it when Hecate lightly raked her nails down her back.’

Diving straight into the smut for this other Hackle Lemonade Challenge, prompt kink fic. Title entirely appropriate.

  ·         ‘While many people over the years could make it happen, it was a secret delight to know that nobody did it better than her.’

  7.       (The Worst Witch 2017) The hum of your desire – ‘Ada woke up to an empty bed.’

At least it’s promising. The story can go anywhere when you start off with an empty bed. The bed is irrelevant anyway. They end up on the sofa.

  ·         ‘Hecate Hardbroom was nothing but a meticulous over achiever.’

  8.       (The Worst Witch 2017) You’re the night sky, trying to make me see your stars – ‘Hecate had been afraid to touch.’

Throws you right into the scene and lets you know there’s going to be a bit of angst in there. I love the song I took the title from (night sky – Leonell Cassio & Julia Mihevc) and I waited for a fic idea to materialise so I could use it.

  ·         ‘Ada could feel her breathing, steady and true, vibrating through to her heart.’

  9.       (Ghosts) Hide & seek – ‘Giggling madly, she galloped up the stairs to seek out the best hiding place ever.’

With several of the ghosts with backstories we have yet to uncover, the possibilities are endless. Poor Kitty had to die young so I gave her a death loosely based on an English ghost story, using all the unsavoury incidents involving her sister. Title needs no explanation.

  ·         ‘And shimmering obliquely in the corner of the landing, was the answer. The wooden chest. The one from the latest sailing ship that had brought back all that sugar and tea and rum.’

  10.   (The Worst Witch 2017) When breathing sounds like your song – ‘She hadn't let herself enjoy it at first.’

Luckily the only way from there is forward. For the Hackle Lemonade Challenge 2021, prompt firsts. Not sure where I got the title from, it’s possible I melded a couple of song lyrics together for it.

  ·         ‘I always feel thirsty after a pleasurable experience' she said cheerfully.’

  11.   (Holby City) There is no goat that foolish – ‘Serena patted down her wide brimmed hat and set off for a walk.’

It’s an ok start to the fic. The title is terrible but honestly, its just hard to find references to goats in general.

  ·         ‘She only just realised that they were conversing in English, not French. The other woman had a London accent. Good. She could shout at her more expressively in English.’

  12.   (The Worst Witch 2017) Sugar mouse – ‘What is it?’

So many possibilities here. The title does give it away, but still.

  ·         ‘In her nightmares, her grandfather had chased her around with an eyeball on a fork.’

  13.   (Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries) Stitch up - ‘I’d like to see you operate my sewing machine, Hugh Collins.’

Another shameless ripping off from the script. But nothing else can sum up this fic so perfectly. Title self-explanatory.

  ·         ‘Were sewing machines like dogs? He wondered. Did they take on the personalities of their owners?’

    14.   (Pushing Daisies) Girls don’t want boys, girls want damn respect – ‘Her boy always had an eye for the ladies.’

What a ridiculously clunky title. But apparently I couldn’t think of anything better. The opening line is much better.

  ·         ‘Calista was reminded of the principal at school that Emerson had crushed on so hard that he'd broken every fire alarm in the school over the course of several months just to get her attention. Some things never changed.’

  15.   (Holby City) Tell us the tale of a goat – ‘Did I ever tell you about how Serena and I met?’

A solid opening there, full of potential. The title is a bit crap. No, I have no idea why or how Serena would be working on the Italian railway either.

  ·         ‘You dressed one up in a poncho and called it aunt Gertrude?’ Fleur asked eventually. She really couldn’t think of anything better to say.’

  16.   (Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries) In the gracious light – ‘Jack tried not to let their questioning stares get to him.’

Based partly on the MFMM books, I’m happy with the opening line, it sets the tone. The title comes from Shakespeare’s Sonnet VII. ‘Lo! in the orient when the gracious light.’ With that, it ties in Jack and Lin quite nicely.

  ·         ‘After all, grandmama had warned him enough about the distraction of white girls. She had said nothing about white boys.’

    17.   (Holby City) Not yet – ‘Bernie wouldn't describe herself as an avid reader these days.’

Title taken from a line in the book Wicked. Opening line is pretty generic. I basically wrote this fic because Elphaba reminds me of Bernie in some respects. Also, premonition, sorry about that.

  ·         ‘In her mind, it was Serena in that cell, stretching out her hand to Bernie and chiding her affectionately for her delay.’

    18.   (Ghosts) Filth – ‘The Captain paid no attention to Lady Button's shrewish tone two rooms away.’

Simple title, simple opening line. Very direct. It’s the ‘why didn’t the Captain and Lady Button bond over the hot gardener in Lady Chatterly’s Lover together’ fic.

  ·         ‘The Captain sighed. That husband of hers had a lot to answer for. Bastard. He couldn't have killed her by poison or anything, no, he had to push her out of the damn window.’

  19.   (Ghosts & Holby City crossover) Over the top we go – ‘He couldn't believe it.’

So many things one couldn’t believe, a pretty generic opening. The title is a WW1 reference so not the correct war for the Captain but I used it anyway. Bernie is Haver’s niece.

  ·         ‘The Captain looked pleased but there was an expression in his eyes that Alison thought hid a sob in his heart.’

    20.   (Holby City) Boobs – ‘Arthur Digby was having a terrible day.’

Title, utterly crap, I know you’ll agree. Opening line, sums it up really. I like it.

  ·         'Well, call me Da Vinci and I'll paint you like one of those French girls.'

Art wasn't Fleur's strong point.’

So what did I learn about my opening lines? It does reflect my writing style, snappy and concise. I rarely ramble for long. Are they thrilling opening lines? Not usually. Do they set the scene or the tone? Much of the time. They are certainly not the best ones I’ve ever written. Considering that I don’t love most of these last lot of opening lines, I’m going to go with which witch is which? It’s the best one of the bunch, I think. 

[veridium]

for the record - cellar gate and this whole mess.

I have thought a lot about this. I know I said I would resign from speaking further on it, but some ideas have come to my attention and so I wish to act on my conscience and consideration. 

I wholeheartedly think toxic positivity is a prevalent issue in fandom and popular culture. I wholeheartedly believe it works as a silencing and tone policing for those most marginalized in our communities. I think it is something we must be critical of when we engage with each other and our expectations from fandom spaces. That being said, one of the primary reasons I am incensed at its prevalence in this fandom is because it has been fueled for all the wrong reasons: for deeply self-serving, personal, and petty reasons, and not simply to see the fandom be better. 

And so, with cautious dread, I am bringing back the issue of the “Cellar Gate” or however it has come to be known.

I think it is safe to say the issue caused a fracture in opinions and people who were all at one time members. I think it is safe to say that drama and dispute has become publicly evident, if not a blaring elephant in the great big room. 

I was one of several people who went public with my membership in the cellar. I did so, in part, to have some kind of autonomy and control over how the narrative was being written. I also did it to take responsibility and combat the ways in which that narrative was being twisted in inflammatory, violent, and deceitful ways. I did it because I was hearing how some of my mutuals were being adversely targeted and effected by my name being included on the “burn list” that circulated in the aftermath. I did it to prevent what I believed antagonists wanted: for a dramatic and righteous crusade to begin, which would drive out the people they believed to be “bad apples.” I did it because it was necessary. 

And I believe that, considering how much was avoided in the way that conflict subsided, I considered it a worthy gambit. People were listened to, reality checks were taken, and the fanfare was allowed to settle. 

Unfortunately, I think some thorns were forgotten about, and left to fester. 

I think the former members/people who used the exposure of the Server and the “Salt” to mount their reckoning moral crusade have used the remains of that to persist with a narrative of positivity and inclusion. This narrative, though shiny and great on the surface, is born of toxic fruit: it was not created purely for selfless, apolitical reasoning. It was created to combat a problem they blamed us for: a cultural fixation they believe exists wherein people allow themselves to be critical bullies in the name of “social justice.” I believe they did so in part to antagonize us in public where explicit callouts could not be used. I believe they push positivity as a means of ameliorating their previous involvement in private conversations they believed malevolent harassment, though they took place in, as I said: private conversations. 

In short: this positivity wave, as we have recently seen in this fandom, is not much more than a bunch of white women wanting to sleep at night again for sins they deem below their moral high-ground. You know, sins such as: privately salting about problematic fics, shit talking people they don’t like, being rude, petty, salty, and at times insensitive. 

One of the reasons I owned up to shit was because I was sick of the image that was being depicted: mean people hiding in some back room somewhere, or backlog of a chat, looking for any reason to tear people apart and be cruel. I was sick of this false interpretation that minimized and reduced a substantial part of my fandom community to heartless maleficents. Especially when these “positivists” once benefitted from, and enjoyed that community as a big part of their audience and support system. Especially when they depended on that community for listening, support, feedback, and friendship. Several of them are people I once considered some of my closest friends in fandom -- people I confided in, trusted, and believed in their integrity. 

Unfortunately, I was misguided. 

There are several reasons I am coming up for air about this. Firstly, so that I am clear when I say it was never my intention -- or that of anyone I know -- to make it seem like this ordeal was more righteous and universal as it really was. What upset me was watching these ideas about “shutting up” and “minding your business” and “being positive” being pushed onto people who had no involvement with the Server drama, who would nonetheless read their incessant reblogs of that content and think, wow, am I a piece of shit would having criticisms for someone’s work? Am I missing the point in being in fandom when I don’t focus on the positive all the time? Because these messages are being circulated by people who, I think, don’t sincerely care about fandom positivity when it doesn’t serve them and their needs of self-soothing and self-reward. That is wrong, and that is a method of undermining and tone policing I think should be called out. 

Secondly, I want to make something explicitly clear: the people pushing positivity and “minding your own business” have all, every single one, participated in the behavior they deem incorrect. They have been comforted by it, they have participated in it, and I would imagine they still do. I have an INCREDIBLY hard time believing that they do not at all speak negatively or harshly about people in fandom considering I, and several others who they deem nemeses, are still here despite their championing. I also have a hard time believing it because they have included and become friends with fandom members who they not-too-long ago verbally and explicitly despised -- people who they lobbied to be banned from the server for being manipulative and toxic, for victimizing them. Someone believed an unsafe presence for them.

And just so we’re clear on this account as well, I’m looking at you, @Tortuosity-Writes, @tanaleth, and @Allisondraste. Hope you’ve been really transparent about that with your newfound friend, @Cassandra-Pentughasst. If not, I know there are plenty of receipts to submit. It’s tax season, no? Just in case you want to suggest it was a matter of ya’ll being poisoned against each other, when you were holding the damn vials yourselves. And the only reason the links don’t work is because we have each other blocked, but somehow I think you’ll see this.  

But I suppose bygones are bygones, right? Positivity! Inclusivity! 

Also, just to prevent some ammunition unnecessary, and because I know well enough the people I’m working with here: I think it’s horseshit to say you’re all about shutting up and being positive while you’re still passive-aggressively shit-talking people in tags and posts, hoping maybe they’ll come across them or that they’ll cause some whispers/drama/stress for those people. Like, for example, @Cassandra-Pentughasst beautifully resentful tags:

Yep, that’s me she’s talking about. And she’s right: I took forever on a commission, was not communicative, and had spelling mistakes, ones which I sincerely apologized for. I did my best but it wasn’t on par with where I should have been. At the time, I thought I was doing it for a friend, though; and when I could, I was communicative. I even asked after sending a draft to look over if she thought it was okay, because I always do so, so my clients are happy (and people can attest to this practice, and I have email and screenshot records as well). She said everything looked good, so I believed her. It was an unfortunate situation where I wasn’t at my best and I was unprofessional. 

What I am not, however, is a coward. 

Which is why this kind of behavior incenses me: it makes it seem like she had no way of telling me something was wrong, or that she was unhappy. And it also makes it seem like no one in my circle is ever critical of me, or is invited to be. Apparently everyone thinks the sun shines out my flaky ass. 

So, here’s my dilemma: how can people who claim they’re all about positivity, integrity, and inclusivity, possibly condone this kind of behavior? How can people who I once called friends say in all seriousness that their standard of decorum doesn’t apply here, because it’s me? Because it’s someone who didn’t agree with them? 

And here’s a very particular thorn: this person, and the group above, only became friends after they all left the server and realized the enemy of thy enemy was thy friend. Before that, it was incessant shit-talking of each other, talking about how one was making them feel unsafe, how toxic they were, and how they should be kicked off or blocked from the server entirely. This person was suddenly forgiven despite the LITANY of conversations and concerns about her trustworthiness, character, and integrity. 

At the end of the day, I obviously cannot control people, and they do change. My stance is, however, that none of these people have changed from who they were. They are people: they shit talk, praise, are friendly and also mean. They make mistakes and are regretful. They dislike things, and dislike people. They have animuses and grudges. They are HUMAN BEINGS like we all are. 

Only one “side,” however, is trying to get people raked over the coals for admitting to partaking in “negative” behaviors. Only one side is pushing a shut-up-and-mind-your-business broad brush when they really mean they want a specific group of people to shut up. Only one side is trying to push a positivity politic that is first and foremost self-serving. 

That, to me, is gross. And that is toxic to fandom as a whole. And I am sick of watching them poke, prod, passive-aggressively post, and seeing their stuff splash onto my dash even though I have them blocked. I am sick of watching it knowing a good portion of what motivates them is spite and antagonism. I am sick of people taking their word for it, and using it as reasoning to be mean to marginalized members. And for that reason I also want to make VERY SURE that no people of color feel like they are being manipulated by anything I have a part in. I want to reiterate: I believe the dysfunction and harm they have circulated to be real and consequential to more than just us tied to the server. I never ever intended false rallying. 

Which is to say: their beliefs that we are obsessing over them day and night, trying to find new ways to ruin their lives and antagonize them, is bullshit. I don’t know about ya’ll, but I have, like, a day job. I have family and friends to spend time with. I have PTSD to treat. I think it is safe to say shit-talking people you dislike in private conversations, and conniving/obsessing, are two different things. 

And, like I said: if any of these people have said no negative, gossipy, or disrespectful things about us, or myself, since the “Exodus,” then my word to those people are: In case you forgot, you didn’t just leave a server: you hurt a lot of people who were your friends. You made a hell of a lot of people feel unsafe and insecure with their visibility in fandom for shit they had no part in. You didn’t just exit and begin some harmless, painless agenda to bring joy to any and all around you. You fucking hurt people. Swallow that pill and recognize that talking about it -- that includes talking about you -- is a valid form of processing and healing form the disruption you caused in all of our lives. Disruption that we are still dealing with. 

Lastly: I have said over and over that I do not care for clout. I do not care for popularity stakes, for “positive” cults of personality. So, if this gets me “cancelled” so be it. But I’d rather be “cancelled” for being transparent than accepted for being shady. My qualms are both broad and personal. I have personal issues with people and I have broad issues with how they are using fandom as a space to enact their false sense of inclusivity. 

And at the end of it, I hope these former friends of mine understand one thing above all else: that I soberingly understand the harm they have done in their desire to live with themselves and their guilt, and it is for that reason -- for everything I saw and everything I heard in the aftermath of their need to redeem themselves and their “side” of things -- that I will never, ever forgive them. I have said many harsh things, I have said many unkind things, and I have made many mistakes. But for as long as I fucking live, I will never, ever elect to be known as someone who tried to pass their vendetta and grudges as a community-oriented, positivity-celebrating, sanctimonious cause that made numerous people, especially people of color, have to go to bat to counter and prevent from doing harm.

Also, on a personal note because why not, the fire is going to consume me anyways: you can’t block half of the femslash/wlw genre because you’re insecure about your work or have had drama with them, and then lament that there’s a lack of material. Whoops!

So, yeah, I’ve fucked up. I have. But I can also call bullshit when I see it. And if this ends my tenure in the fandom, again, so be it. I have my friends and my community, and I don’t just jump ship when I see the stormy weather ahead. I have my life, and my loved ones. And more importantly: I sleep very, very well. 

Oh and, for the record, contrary to all ya’lls stuff, we aren’t a cult. And I didn’t have to ask permission for posting this from anyone, or mind my manners. I also think it’s very telling when people enact the same standards of control, us vs. them, and dehumanizing that cults are supposedly known for -- and then call us one. It’s really convenient, isn’t it? To have distance from the people you hurt and betrayed, and then say it was nothing more than a cult? And to say that their methods of healing, supporting one another, and processing their anger and pain in private is only proof that they’re a cult?

Yes. Really convenient. 

So, there. You want a battle? I think you all know damn well I’m armed. All that I ask is you save your ammunition for me, and not for my friends. Not for people who had nothing to do with the mess we’ve made. Or else. 

And this is all to say that, if I have made anyone feel manipulated, led-on, used, or exploited for any of this - then that is something I am responsible for and I sincerely apologize. It is behavior that is below me, and certainly not my intention, but I don’t get to decide how I impact people’s lives and their participation. So, again, I am sorry. And I respect any and all choices you make on that account. 

[silverdriftdragon]

Love and War on Death's Door

Rating: T

Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Felix Hugo Fraldarius

Tags: Mutual Pining, minor spoilers, Love Confessions, clumsy kiss, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Grumpy boy and his precious cinnamon roll, Post-Time Skip, Blue Lions

Summary: Felix is far to proud to admit his feelings. Ashe is too scared of losing Felix’s friendship to admit his. One time skip and a near death experience later, not much has changed except Mercedes being tired of Felix’s crap.

Notes: Hi I haven’t completed a fic in two friggen years and finally, FINALLY was able to break through the writer’s block! So I’m a bit rusty but I hope you enjoy my offering to the wonderousness that is FE:3H. Read below or AO3! Choice is yours!

In his days at the academy, which he only willingly attended to get away from that damned fool he was forced to call his father, Felix spent most of his time in the training grounds or in his room. He had no desire to be friendly with the others in his class. If he could have spent the entire year training and getting stronger, without the distractions and annoyances of the others, he might have actually been happy. That, however, would never be the case. Among his classmates was Ashe, whom Felix wished he could say he hated with every fiber of his being. Unfortunately, that could have been further from the truth. Felix fell for the archer rather quickly in fact, due to the sheer passion and drive he had to do what he believed in. He would never admit these feelings of course. After all, love wouldn’t make him stronger. It wouldn’t sharpen his blade or fell his enemies. If anything, it would make him weak. Careless. Things he cared not to be… but love was not so easily drowned out. So, he struggled inwardly, in silence, lashing out at anyone that even remotely suggested that he was acting differently. Well… almost anyone.

 Intimidated by the swordsman’s cold, prickly front, it took Ashe a while to realize that Felix cared more that he let on. After the death of his adoptive father, it was Felix that was there to pull him out of that fog of sadness he had found himself in. If he need help with an assignment, Felix usually stepped up to help. One time he swore that he saw Felix blush after Ashe insisted on cooking for him as a way of thanks. Sure, often times the responses Ashe received from the other man were short, a bit sarcastic and abrasive even… but he had learned to see passed that. After all, Ashe never once saw that harsh nature reach those hazel eyes. Before the young archer knew what had happened… Ashe found himself head over heels for Felix. He could never tell this to the other though. Just the thought that Felix might be angry or that it would ruin their friendship after how much work went into it killed him inside. Ashe couldn’t lose him… so he never said a word.

 Now the rest of their companions, even the rather unobservant ones, could see the romantic tension between the two from a mile away. No one was brave enough to say a word of it to Felix. Except Sylvain, but after nearly losing his life over it, he decided not to bring it up again. Ashe received an infinite amount of good-natured teasing to make up for it though. The two never did admit anything to each other, even with the war dragging them all apart. It seemed as though they would not get the chance to clear the tension between them and no one regretted that more than Felix.

 Five years came and went in a blur, finally grinding to what felt like a halt as Felix looked up at the ruins of Garreg Mach. They had all vowed to meet up back here on this day… but with everything that had happened, he doubted anyone else was here. He wasn’t even sure why he was here. Perhaps it was due to the rumors of a blood thirsty killer that had taken up residence here. A foe with such a reputation was surely worth crossing swords with. Maybe it was just a stop on his way to fight the empire. It was on the way after all. However, that tightening in his chest and quickened heartbeat whispered the truth he refused to face. A frustrated growl left his throat as he pushed himself forward, taking the steps two at a time as if trying to outrun his own thoughts yet again. That’s when a familiar sound hit his ears. The intoxicating sounds of metal on metal and the cries of combat, causing his steps to quicken. Those yells were unmistakable. How many battles had he spent in their presence, adding his own voice to the chorus of death that the Blue Lions brought to the battle field? It seemed as if they had come after all.

 Now, Felix hated clichés almost as much as he hated the concept of a ‘true knight’. Yet, when his eyes found Ashe, cut off from the rest of the group with a sword in his hand and a broken bow on his back, something inside him snapped. As if moved by an invisible and unstoppable force, he sprinted toward him, his mind focused only on getting to the silver-haired archer before it was too late. His own blade cleaved through anything that dare stand in his way until he was close enough to grab Ashe, pinning him to a near by wall as the near by bandit Archers all fired.

 “F-Felix?” Ashe stammered, shocked and a bit flustered to be in this position. Everything seemed to slow down for a moment, letting a small feeling of relief wash over him that not only was Felix alive… but he was here. That relief faded in an instant, replaced by sheer panic as pain took over Felix’s normally stoic expression and he dropped to his knees. Three poisoned arrows protruded from his back, but one had managed to hit at an angle and gone deep enough to have punctured a lung at the very least. Anger swelled in his chest as he picked up his sword and rushed forward, taking out the rather startled Archers in a few concise swings. Once the immediate danger was gone, Ashe sheathed his weapon and rushed back to the man that had taken the hit for him. “Felix! H-hold on, I’ll get you to Mercedes.”

 “Leave… me, you damn fool…” Felix wheezed, glaring up at Ashe as he pulled the arrows out carefully to keep more poison from seeping into the wounds and struggled to help him up his feet. “You will g… get yourself killed…”

 “I won’t leave you.” Ashe replied stubbornly, finally finding a half way decent position to support Felix.

 “Tch…” That was as much of an argument as he was able to muster, deciding that if Ashe was going to be so adamant about this, he needed to save his strength in case he needed to fight again but breathing was becoming more difficult with each step, and his vision was starting to get blurry. Soon enough, he collapsed, dragging Ashe down as well due to his inability to support Felix’s dead weight. “D-dammit… Just go. No… no reason for both of us to die.”

 “N-no! You can’t die... Please, Felix, don’t say things like that.” Ashe stood slowly, trembling as he tried his best to find a way to be able to carry him to no avail. Tears stung his eyes and panic rose in his chest as he carefully laid Felix’s head and shoulders in his lap to help with his breathing. Felix opened his mouth to say something, but nothing but the sounds of his labored breathing came out. Instead, he slowly lifted his hand to brush Ashe’s hair from his face, a small smile tugging up the corners of his lips. It was a nice moment, but when Ashe felt Felix go limp, he couldn’t stop the tears. “No! No no no Felix please, I-“ Suddenly the sound of a horse riding up behind him cause him to snap his head up. “Sylvain! F-felix he…”   he couldn’t even finish the thought as the redheaded paladin jumped down to help, a look of worry on his face.

 “Is… is he still breathing?”

 “I-I…” Ashe leaned down to listen a moment, “y-yes, but not very well.”

 Sylvain just let out a sigh of relief and carefully lifted the limp swordsman out of Ashe’s lap, cracking a small smile as he got him up on his horse. “Figures he’d go and nearly get himself killed like this.” His tone said joking, but his expression seemed to scream there was truth behind it. “Come on, Mercie is going to want to hear what happened.”

 Ashe got to his feet with a nod, following along behind Sylvain without a word.

 ---

 When the sensation of light was the first thing to hit him, Felix wondered if he had actually died and go to a goddess he never truly believed in. Soon after though, the next sensation hit him and told him he was very much still alive. Pain. Nothing too drastic, just a severe soreness, but it covered every inch of his body. With a groan, he opened his eyes, looking around. It seemed he was in the Garreg Mach infirmary. He had spent many days here, though it looked drastically different now. For one, there was rubble everywhere, the shelves were in disarray, the normally plentiful supplies where scarce… but the biggest difference was not a part of the infirmary at all… it was the silver-haired archer, asleep in a chair beside the bed. He looked peaceful, curled up so that he was sitting sideways and leaned over against the back of the chair, softly snoring due to the slightly odd angle of his neck. Felix's face softened, glad that all this pain wasn’t for naught. Sure, the man had a few scratches and bruises, but otherwise he was alright and looked rather peaceful. It was a sight he could become lost in. So lost in it that he didn’t even hear Mercedes come in until she spoke.

 “It is good to see you awake, Felix. We were all very worried.” She finally said with a smile, focusing on gathering her supplies to tend his wounds.

 Felix jumped some and looked over at her with a small scowl, not realizing that she had already see that soft stare. “It’s going to take more than a couple of archers to kill me.”

 “Of course.” She giggled, a knowing expression on her face. When he thought she had looked away, she noticed that he yet again directed his gaze to Ashe. “He hasn’t left, you know. Why, I think this is the first time I’ve seen him asleep since we brought you here almost four days ago.”

 “Four days?” Felix echoed, forcing himself to look at Mercedes so she wouldn’t ask questions.

 “Yes. Your wounds were no trouble, but that poison was quite potent.” She explained as he slowly helped him sit up so she could remove the bandages. “If Sylvain hadn’t found you and Ashe, I… I don’t care to think what might have happened.”

 Felix made a small hum of acknowledgment, followed by a hiss as she started cleaning the wounds. “He wasn’t hurt, was he?”

 “Ashe? He had some minor things that magic was able to take care of, but nothing too bad.”

 “Hmph. Good. If he had been after I went through the trouble to save him, I would have been annoyed.” While his tone was as abrasive as ever, Mercedes of all people knew that it was just his way of caring. She finished up the cleaning and rebandaged him, getting up to put things a way.

 “Felix… I know you don’t really want to hear this, but you really should be honest with him. And yourself.”

 “What are you prattling on about?”

 “Ashe, of course. You need to tell him how you feel.”

 “I already told Sylvain-“ He started angrily, only to be cut off by her turning to face him with *that* look.

 “I know what you told Sylvain. I also know that you use your anger to lash out when you feel vulnerable. We have all known for years and quite frankly, I’m tired of seeing you both hurting because you are too proud and he is too scared of losing you.”

 Silence.

 Finally, after he recovered from the initial shock of having been seen through and scolded, Felix looked at the blankets in his lap with a scowl. “Whatever…”

 Mercedes just smiled, knowing he was relenting, and headed toward the door. “I’ll be back around dinner. Make sure you get plenty of rest!”

 And as suddenly as she had shown up, she was gone. Felix stayed where he was, eyes fixed on the uninteresting white blanket as Mercedes's words echoed in his head. Maybe she was right. Maybe he should tell him. If for no other reason than he found the regret of not telling him irritating. Suddenly his reverie was interrupted by a startled yelp and a thud, causing him to turn his head quickly to look at Ashe. Of course, he winced when he did, his body scream at him for the sudden movement, but his concern outweighed the pain. Felix watched quietly for a moment before speaking up, seeing as Ashe hadn’t looked over yet. “You OK?”

 “Yes. I guess I dozed off and-“ Ashe cut himself off and looked up at who at spoken to him, a look of relief washing over him. ”Felix… you’re awake!”

 “Obviously.” Felix turned his head away again and slowly laid back down, eyes lingering on the ceiling. “Why are you sleeping in that chair? You have a room you know.”

 As he was taken aback not only by the question (seriously? How was he suppose to answer that without giving himself away?) But also by how devoid of Felix's prickliness that question was. “I… well. I was worried about you. I wanted to make sure you’d be alright.”

 “For four days? You couldn’t have just asked about me or stopped by?”

 “Oh… I guess you talked to Mercedes…” Ashe trailed off, slowly dragging himself back  into the chair. After a moment of fidgeting with his hands, he looked back toward Felix. “I suppose I had to make sure… b-but I have a question for you too! Why did you...”

 “Why did I save you? Is that what you are about to ask me?” Now Felix's tone was getting aggressive, but it didn’t seem to be directed at Ashe. If anything it seemed to be directed more toward himself.

 “Y… Yes. I am grateful, don’t get me wrong… but… I could have…”

 “Because I couldn’t stand to watch you die. Ok? If one of us was losing our life in that battle, it was going to be me. Because you… you…”

 To say Ashe was surprised was an understatement. Not only had he never heard Felix so adamant about a specific person not dying… but now he was startling to get flustered and blushy. The sight made his own cheeks to take on a red hue, though he wasn’t sure why.

 “Forget it. It doesn’t matter.”

 “It matters to me…”

 Silence again.

 Felix closed his eyes a moment and took a breath. It seemed there was no way out of this now. His whole body trembled, though he did his best to hide the perceived weakness from Ashe. “I know it was stupid. But you aren’t as good with the sword as the bow and you were out numbered. I did what I could think of. That’s all.” No matter how much he tried to make it sound nonchalant, there was still a wavering to his tone.

 “But Felix, even with Sylvain you-“

 “Why does everyone want to bring up Sylvain today?! This has nothing to do with Sylvain!”

 “S-sorry…”

 Felix looked over and felt like someone one had punched him in the chest when he saw that dejected look upon Ashe's face. “L-look I…” he trailed off, cursing under his breath followed by a sigh. “Sorry. I’m not trying to… If you had… I can’t…” Each time words failed him, he got more and more frustrated, the irritation in his expression clashing with the obvious blush on his face.  This was so far outside his comfort zone it physically hurt. To show this more vulnerable and emotional side of himself, especially to Ashe, was probably the hardest thing he had ever done and the fact that he couldn’t just spit it out drove him to just hiding his face in his hands with a growl.

 Ashe slowly got up and walked over beside the bed, concerned that something was actually wrong. He had never seen Felix like this. Part of him wanted to say that it was because of his injuries or lingering effects of the poison… but there was that hopeful part of him that hoped that was a blush on his face and not a fever. “Felix?” he asked softly, not expecting any sort of real response. Imagine his surprise when, in lieu of a verbal answer, Felix just grabbed him by the sides of the face and kissed him. It was brief, a bit clumsy… but it was enough. The other man quickly looked away again, his entire face now a deep red right up to his ears and an embarrassed expression to go with it. Ashe stood there, completely still and dumbstruck for what he was sure was forever, trying to process what just happened before he finally stuttered out a response. “H-h-huh?”

 “You are slow on the uptake, aren’t you?” Felix growled, still blushing like mad and not looking at Ashe.

 “I-I just never expected you to… t-that… I…”

 “Look. I needed to get it off my chest. You don’t have to accept it or anything. I don’t care.” He huffed, snapping his head up when Ashe started laughing. That unmistakable laugh that had Felix’s stomach all fluttery every time he heard it. “What’s so funny?”

 “Nothing at all, I’m just so… happy. I couldn’t help it.” Ashe admitted, a soft smile on his face. “I know I’m… I’m nothing special. I never thought in a million years that you’d-“

 “Stop.” Felix cut him off, his voice gentler than usual as he finally managed to look over at him. “I have never let anyone else speak ill of you, you are no exception.” Thankfully that seemed to put and end to it and he slowly shifted closer to the wall, making space next to him. “Just… come here. Mercedes keeps it too cold in here… and this is your fault anyway.”

 Ashe gave a small blush, but it was overshadowed by that bright smile and cheerful laugh. He didn’t think it wasn’t cold at all, especially not too cold for Felix… but who was he argue? It was his fault after all!

[lacobscur]

MUSE SURVEY: DECONSTRUCTION

adapted from this post by kaylapocalypse. fill out with details about your muse. feel free to be as in-depth as you like, or summarize details instead. repost, do not reblog.

DRIVE: their plot-related goals. how they’re pulling the plot forward. how they make decisions. what they think they’re doing, and how they justify doing it.

Becoming something remotely stable. Succeeding in the ideal of being ‘useful’, a servant or knight who can manage to protect those he is charged to protect without harming them in return. Keeping others around him safe enough that he can consider his presence no longer a poison or inherent danger.

FEAR: their deepest fear(s). abandonment? being consumed by power? and, minor fears which still influence their behavior.

Harming those around him. Paradoxically, being truly hated (he thinks he should be and encourages it, and yet the reality of it is horrifying). Arthur deeming him unsalvageable. The idea of ‘repeating the past is inevitable’.

Minor fears: gets wildly uncomfortable around sexually forward (towards him) women.

PHYSICAL DESIRES: how they feel about touch. do their physical desires match up with their psychological desires?

Very much wants positive physical affection, though thinks himself unworthy of receiving it. Someone who’s always been extremely tactile remembering mostly locking himself up alone and then living without a body, ergo someone who now has very strong reactions to being touched. Once he’s gotten to the point of thinking ‘i am allowed to be physically near [some person he’s close with]’ he tends to get rather clingy.

EXPRESSION: how they talk. how they present themselves. how much words are worth to them. how they express themselves, or why they might choose not to.

Alternating between gruff and staccato and formal/long speech patterns depending on his mood. His speech is rust-tinted and eerie, no matter how sane he might be. With people he doesn’t know, he tends to be much more closed off, to the point that this manifests physically in not allowing strangers to clearly perceive his face. He’s expressive, as is the fog around him, though he’s not self-aware enough to realize that. Berserker presents himself as something hovering around the title of ‘monster’, one foot firmly in the camp of inhumanity. Most of this is involuntary, part of it is not. 

Words are worth a lot, as he assumes that people always speak honestly and they will keep whatever word they say. What someone tells him is what he assumes is true until proven otherwise, though should he be proven otherwise he’ll be pretty pissed about it.

AFFECTION: how they express affection. how easy it is to express affection. how quickly they open up. if their style of affection matches up with their physical desires.

He chooses one person and fixates upon them for who he’s going to be affectionate towards. Loyal, possessive, and a little clingy -- he will let the people he’s affectionate towards wander to others, as Lancelot considers himself unsafe and a poor choice for affection, though deep down this does rather vex him. With the people he loves, his affection comes easily and freely, open statements of his feelings and physical shows of care. However, it takes some effort for him to be both secure in the concept that ‘this person tolerates me’ and ‘it’s alright to do this’ -- a valve that can be difficult to open but, once you’ve gotten it, good luck not getting flooded. (In terms of physical desires: he tends to demand affection enough from his partners to make up for every moment he has felt without in his life, something that is like asking one person for ten peoples’ worth of physicality, which is part of what results in Lance being so clingy.)

CONTROL: what they are almost entirely helpless against. something that influences them regardless of their moral code. whether from love, pain, fear, desire, or necessity. what they would cut off their own fingers for, or refuse to sacrifice.

His idea of a king / master, and especially forgiveness from those. He would do anything for the possibility to be absolved from those in power he once wronged or feels that he failed. He’d abandon or harm anything if it meant making Arthur understand him (and he did), and even now he would undergo anything if it meant that some version of Arturia could change him. He would do anything his Master asks of him, especially if he feels he has already let them down before. He has failed Kariya, and now if burning down Chaldea meant that Kariya would forgive him, he would. If his action or inaction in a Singularity meant that Ritsuka was permanently harmed, he would do anything they told him to in order to atone for it. He does not have a moral code or sense of fear/pain for any of this, and it makes him incredibly easy to manipulate.

CHANGE: which of the above categories have changed over time, as a result of the plot. at least 2.

Expression has changed in Chaldea, as he becomes more comfortable with what he has made himself and how he’s seen, he needs less to hide behind the madness enhancement and facelessness. Somewhat, Lancelot now falls more comfortably into the idea of what he is rather than what he was seen to be.

He has gotten a little better with control, learned some hesitancy about how Arturia sees him and how he should react to her. He’s trying very hard with this, and slowly getting his relationship with Arturia into something of a mutual understanding rather than him panicking or attempting murder on sight.

tagging: you but also  @ryogai​, @goldreign​ , @niledrowned​ / @soulgathered​ whichever u want, @forthegrail​, @anikiex​, @heofheart​, and @counterforced​

[runs-in-the-family]

Get to know me meme

Thanks to @missroserose for the tag. Sorry to hear you’ve been poorly, dear. A triple assault of cold, eye infection and food poisoning is no one’s idea of a good time.

1. are you named after anyone?

I don’t...think...so? Legend has it that my parents left it up to my four older brothers to name me so I’m just lucky that I didn’t end up being named after a Man United player or a ThunderCat. Although, that second one seems a missed opportunity now...

2. when was the last time you cried?

Well. If we’re talking teary-eyed and choked up, that happens a lot, most recently last night while watching Wonder Woman with my niece and nephew because they both want to be Amazon warriors now and auntie was proud. But if we’re talking full-blown weeping, then last month, handing in the first chapter of my thesis. I broke down in front of my supervisor because of how unhappy I was/am with it. In my defence, that dam had spent weeks waiting to break.

3. do you have any kids?

Nope! Not for me, I don’t think.

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not that I’m aware of. You’ve definitely given me something to become super conscious of though, thank you.

......

......

wait.

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

Honestly? Probably how much attention they pay to others in conversation. This might stem from having known some toxically self-involved people in my time but I’m always wary of people who don’t steer a conversation in any direction other than towards themselves. And I appreciate the irony of saying that in this post.

I like an active listener and people who invest an interest in others or try to establish a back-and-forth, find common ground, etc. I’m in no way talking about people who simply don’t thrive in social interactions. There’s a huge difference between what I’m talking about and people who are introverted or socially anxious. Or people who are simply In No Mood. My reservations are with people who just make no attempt to really engage with those they meet and, instead, keep the focus of conversation solely on themselves.

6. what’s your eye colour?

Blue. 

No additional notes.

7. scary movie or happy endings?

Are they mutually exclusive? If I have to choose, I love scary movies. Horror is my go-to genre for most mediums and I gobble up horror movies (to a degree - I’m not on board for a lot of slashers or exploitive gorno). This could easily descend into me talking about my favourite horrors or the horrors that fucked me up the most but we aren’t here for that, are we?

As for happy endings, I do love them, but to mirror what @missroserose said in her Get To Know Me, I want a satisfying ending. Whether that’s happy or sad depends on the story and as long as it fits the narrative, I’m happy.

8. any special talents?

Special talents? Uh...I’m very good at remembering when things happened, if that counts. I make great Hangover Scrambled Eggs™. I’m also pretty good at tutoring people. And I’m a really good auntie (the only one she says with conviction). 

9. where were you born?

Dublin, Ireland! In a hospital that my mother (as a repeat customer) affectionately refers to as “The Baby Factory”.

10. what are your hobbies?

I was recently reprimanded for listing my hobbies as “reading, writing and watching movies” because apparently that’s too generic? But I can not express to you how little of my free time is spent on anything other than reading, writing or watching movies. Having said that, I do routinely meet up with a group of friends to play board games and they’ve recently lured me into their sordid realm of tabletop RPGs, so that’s something. I'm also partial to a jigsaw puzzle. Because I am very old.

11. do you have any pets?

Alas, no. I’d love to adopt a little kitty friend but I’m not in a position to house any pets right now. 

12. what sports do you play/have played?

Oh no, sports and I...don’t. 

13. how tall are you?

5′4″. I has little legs.

14. dream job?

Getting paid to write is the dream of dreams but in the end, I just don’t wanna go back to a 9-to-5 office job. My spirit can’t take it. The current goal is film/TV production, though. 

15. favourite subject in school?

As a kid, it was English. As a teenager, History and Spanish. Out of my current classes, I dig Audio Production the most. I also had a Cultural Studies module a few years ago that I really enjoyed, it was a nice mix of gender studies, intro to psych, Marxist theory and everything else I needed to become an opinionated pain in the ass.

Tagging:  I know it's a cop out to say "anyone who wants to do this!" but if you actually read this whole thing, I am fascinated to know more about you. Truly. Having said that, I'll also throw it to @ravenclaw-90, @kiratierra85 and @relised because I really appreciate the kindness you’ve shown to my stuff in the past and I’d be delighted to know more about you, if you’d like to share.

[cruelangelstheses]

louder than the maker’s revolver (and twice as shiny) - chapter 1: look alive, sunshine

fandom: dragon age rating: M characters: isabela/f!hawke, bethany/merrill, anders/fenris/m!hawke words (total): 6.5k words (this chapter): 6.5k additional tags: fabulous killjoys au, post-apocalypse, twin hawkes, slow burn, mutual pining, angst with a happy ending, canon-typical violence description: in which an eight-person gang of rebels living in the desert pisses off the government, firefights are lost and won, homoerotic wound-dressing is commonplace, bonds are forged and broken and reforged, feelings are hard, fighting a powerful and corrupt institution is slightly less hard, and everyone is just trying to survive, to heal, to find their way. (or, “the da2 killjoy au nobody asked for”) a/n: ITS STILL 2019 OUT WEST I MADE IT!!! ok so. [cracks knuckles] this is an AU fic based on the universe created in my chemical romance's album “danger days: the true lives of the fabulous killjoys” (and gerard way's subsequent comics) about rebels in the desert fighting a corrupt government post-apocalypse. the album starts/takes place in the year 2019 which is why i wanted to get this fic out before the year ends. while the general setting and terms are the same, no characters from the killjoy universe will appear and everything else is a more loose interpretation. you do not have to be familiar with my chem or the killjoy universe to read this. (for those who know the story, this fic takes place in the year 2030, so after the original “fab four” have died but before the events of the comics, during a sort of “lull” in the action you could say)

a key feature of the killjoy universe is the usage of “killjoy names,” usually one or two-word phrases that relate to the person, and often the person created the name themself - the original four are party poison, fun ghoul, jet star, and kobra kid. i've given each member of the crew a killjoy name (see below) that the other characters will usually use in dialogue (except for characters who knew each other before they became killjoys and got names), but i will use their real names for the most part in narration so you don't forget who's who

ANYWAY i've been planning this fic for a whole year now and it's gonna be a FUN RIDE !!!! i've left a guide at the end for the killjoy names (not all of them are mentioned in this chapter though). i tried my best to explain what certain terms mean in this chapter but they will all be expanded upon more throughout the fic!! ALSO some of characters might end up aged down a little bit because people in the zones tend not to live very long and someone in their early to mid 40s is considered like, ancient in the comics. bethany and carver are still 19 though, the others might just be adjusted in proportion

thank u for reading, i love ensemble casts and da2 and mcr and rebellion and also being gay. fic title and chapter title come from “look alive, sunshine” (by mcr of course lol)

read it on ao3

—

Bethany has never been one to complain, but she has to admit, her knee hurts like a bitch.

The rest of the Birds take down the remaining Draculoids fairly easily, so she doesn’t feel as bad about having to hide crouched behind a crate on the ground. If there were more of them, or if there was a Scarecrow, she’d probably try to keep fighting despite her injury, but this is just a small, unlucky group of Dracs, leaderless and mindless in their pursuit of one of the biggest gangs in the Zones. Perhaps a Scarecrow would have ordered them not to try to fight a group of eight fairly seasoned Killjoys.

When the guns stop firing and the Dracs lie dead in the desert sand, Isabela’s voice floats over. “You know, Blondie, a smoke bomb would’ve helped.”

Anders sighs. Bethany can practically hear him rolling his eyes. “Those things don’t grow on trees, you know. And even if they did, it’s not like we have many trees out here. You think I want to waste them on a group like that? We got rid of them just fine.”

Bethany peers out from behind the crate just in time to see Isabela shrug and gesture to her. “Well, at the very least, it might’ve saved Sunshine from being shot.”

At that, Carver seems to snap to attention. “Bethany’s hurt?”

Now it’s Bethany’s turn to sigh. Gingerly stretching her leg out and trying not to wince, she says, “It’s not that bad, Carver.”

Marian huffs, shoving her red-and-black ray gun back into its holster. “‘Not that bad,’ my ass.” She sounds angry, but there’s an edge of worry to her voice that Bethany knows like the back of her hand. “A few more shots like that and you’d have been dusted for sure.”

“But I wasn’t,” Bethany replies. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Anders rummaging through their supplies for the first aid kit.

“But you could’ve been,” Carver adds, crossing his arms and glaring at Marian as if she had something to do with the injury.

Marian scowls defensively. “What are you looking at me for? I was killing Dracs! Maybe if you weren’t so busy trying to show off at every opportunity, you could protect her better!” She sneers out the word protect.

“Maybe if you actually thought before you acted for once in your life—”

“Hey!”

Garrett’s voice rings out above everything else, so loud and firm that for a split second it feels like the whole world stops. These are the moments when Garrett Hawke is at his most serious and his most powerful: when he’s breaking up an argument between Carver and Marian.

“How about instead of blaming each other for Bethany’s injury,” he says, his hands held up in an appeasing manner, “we set up camp here and rest for the evening?”

Marian and Carver exchange glances. After a pause, it’s Marian that says, “Fine.”

The place in question is an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of Zone Four, not so remote that it’s off the map, but remote enough that there aren’t a whole lot of Dracs crawling around (and even fewer now that they’ve taken care of this group). A few empty crates and barrels litter the ground surrounding it, some knocked over or zapped from previous firefights. Other than that, there are no recent signs of life—which means it’s a perfect place for the Birds of Passage to recuperate.

Bethany pushes herself to her feet, using the top of the crate to balance herself. Her knee hurts even more when she tries to stretch it out or place any weight on it, but she’ll be damned if she lets anyone help her.

“Are you alright?”

Well...almost anyone.

She lifts her head up at the sound of Merrill’s lilting voice. The girl’s black hair is plastered to her tattooed and sweat-covered face, not long enough to pull up into a ponytail like Bethany’s, but just long enough to get in the way. “I can help you get inside, if you want,” she says, holding her hand out. “Then we can take a look at it, get it all wrapped up.”

For a moment, Bethany just stares at her, searching her face for any signs of pity. Instead she finds only sincere concern for a companion, the same as it would be if any of the others were injured. With a nod, she lets Merrill wrap an arm around her shoulders and guide her slowly into the warehouse. She can feel the eyes of the rest of the group on them, some more subtle than others, but she knows deep down that they’re just making sure she’s okay. Like it or not, she and Carver are the youngest, and though he tries so obviously hard to act like he isn’t, there are still moments where the others look at him and remember that he’s only nineteen, too—moments like right now, as he paces agitatedly across the floor, looking like he’s never been more stressed in his life.

“Carver,” Bethany calls as Merrill helps her sit up against the wall, her legs stretched out. “I’ll be fine.” She laughs a little despite the stinging pain. “It’s not like we’ll have to amputate it or anything.”

Anders kneels down beside her, first aid kit in hand and a good-natured smile on his face. “We might.”

Merrill smacks his arm. “Don’t scare them!” she hisses as she sits down next to Bethany.

Garrett turns to Carver, cool and composed. “She’s fine,” he says matter-of-factly, a playful smirk on his face. “If it were really that bad, none of us would be joking.”

Carver snorts. “You might.”

Garrett puts a hand to his chest in mock offense. “Dear brother, you wound me.”

Merrill giggles as she watches them, her gaze soft. “Your siblings remind me of my family sometimes,” she says as Anders begins cleaning and dressing the wound. “Well-intentioned, but sometimes they need to be reminded that you’re an adult, same as them.”

Bethany nods. If there’s anyone that understands her, it’s Merrill. “To be fair,” she says quietly, “sometimes I need to be reminded of that, too.”

Merrill turns to look at her, pushing a few strands of hair out of her face. “Then I’ll remind you,” she says. “You’re a grown woman. You don’t have to always agree or go along with them. You can stand up for yourself like anyone else.”

Bethany nods again, unable to stop a faint smile from breaking through. Anders doesn’t say anything, but she can see the blush on his face, as if he’s just witnessed something he feels he wasn’t meant to see.

—

The Hawkes are only on the run for a month or two before they meet their first recruit (and fifth member).

Well, perhaps “on the run” isn’t the right phrase. All Killjoys are technically “on the run” from Better Living Industries—it comes with the whole “openly rebelling against your corrupt government” thing. But it doesn’t really feel like running. It feels like surviving. Every Killjoy knows it’s dangerous to stay in one place for too long.

Still, they’re traveling a lot more than they did when their parents were both still alive. Growing up in the Zones outside of Battery City, away from BLI brainwashing, the Hawke children learned how to thrive in the desert fairly quickly, which meant that their family was able to more easily live off the land for longer periods of time.

Now, though, after selling most of their belongings, they live out of their car, a black 1969 Chevy Camaro convertible, spray-painted with two red stripes down the sides and a red bird symbol on the hood (courtesy of Garrett). In honor of their surname as well as their living situation, they’ve christened themselves the Birds of Passage.

For obvious reasons, one of their most common pit stops is one of several Dead Pegasus gas stations littering the Zones. The siblings usually draw straws to determine which one of them has to pump the gas.

“Damn! Again?” Carver says, staring at the short straw between his fingers in disbelief. Frowning, he starts to open the left-side car door. “Just my luck.”

In the driver’s seat, Marian reaches into the back and pats Carver on the shoulder, a smirk on her face. “You’ll live. Now go.” With that, she gives him a light shove out the door. Carver snorts.

As he starts pumping the gas, Marian absentmindedly surveys the area, not really expecting to see anything out of the ordinary. Out of the corner of her eye, though, she spots someone she’s never seen before at one of the other fuel pumps: a petite girl filling up a black and forest green motorbike.

Bethany seems to notice her at the same time. “Who’s that?”

Garrett strokes his beard, like an asshole. “No idea.”

“Let’s find out.” Before anyone else can respond, Marian hops out of the car, popping the collar of her black leather jacket. She’s mostly tuned Garrett out at this point, but she thinks she can hear him warn her not to scare the poor girl. He underestimates her ability to be charming rather than terrifying.

The first thing Marian notices is that the girl dresses like a Killjoy. Her brown boots have flowers painted on the sides, and her acid-washed jeans are ripped and dirty. The back of her denim vest features a large daisy with white petals and a yellow center, and in the center is a radiation hazard symbol.

“Nice logo,” Marian says as she approaches.

The girl yelps in surprise, nearly dropping the gas pump in her hands. When she turns around, Marian sees that her face is adorned with branch- or root-like tattoos on her cheeks, forehead, and chin. “Oh!” she says, clearly taken aback. “Uh…thank you.”

Marian can practically hear Garrett’s “I told you so” from the Camaro. Holding a hand up, she says, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Somehow, her voice still comes out sounding gruff and vaguely threatening.

“Oh, that’s alright,” the girl replies, leaning against her motorcycle and seeming to relax a little. “I was just filling up Feathers.”

Marian raises an eyebrow. “Strange name for a motorcycle.”

The girl blushes. “Well, I named it after a pet I had when I was younger.”

“Oh,” Marian says, nodding. That makes a bit more sense. “A bird?”

The girl laughs a little and shakes her head. “Oh, no, it was a lizard. I always wanted a bird so I could name it Feathers. But I grew up in the Zones, and there aren’t many birds out here. Lots of lizards, though.” She gives Marian a lopsided smile. “I took what I could get.”

Marian can’t help it; she laughs, though in the back of her mind, she wonders why she’s never seen this girl before, if she grew up in the Zones.

“Oh! I’m so sorry,” the girl says, her green eyes widening. “I didn’t mean to ramble. I didn’t even introduce myself.” She holds out a hand, both of which are covered in long, fingerless fishnet gloves that end near her elbows. “Deadly Daisy. Daisy for short. Or you can just call me Merrill. I don’t mind.”

That explains the logo. “Kitty Hawke,” Marian replies, shaking Merrill’s hand firmly.

Merrill nods and starts to speak again, but something behind Marian makes her stop and narrow her eyes in confusion. “Who—?”

Marian glances over her shoulder and nearly jumps out of her shoes. Not one, not two, but all three of her siblings have decided to join the conversation.

“Firebird,” Garrett says, bowing dramatically—so dramatically, in fact, that it makes his stupid sunglasses fall off his face. Garrett has a habit of collecting weird sunglasses and goggles and such. This particular pair has bright orange lenses, which Marian is pretty sure do nothing to block out the sun, and flames sticking out on either side.

Marian rolls her eyes. “My twin brother,” she explains. “It seems I stole all his brain cells in the womb.”

Garrett blows a raspberry at her as he picks his sunglasses off the ground and uses his shirt to wipe off the sand and dirt.

Bethany steps forward, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ears, one of her nervous habits. “Midnight Sun,” she says with a tiny smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Oh! You, too!” Merrill says. Gesturing to Carver, who has yet to say anything, she asks, “Who’s the grumpy one?”

“I’m not—” Carver starts, but he cuts himself off at the sound of his siblings’ snickering. “Fantom Fighter,” he says, his face heating up. “Two Fs.” He turns around and gestures to the two large black Fs painted on the back of his jean jacket. Then, gesturing to Bethany, he adds, “I’m her twin brother.”

Bethany chuckles. “And we’re all siblings.”

Merrill cups her hands over her face. “Oh, my goodness.”

Marian clears her throat. “Anyway,” she says, side-eyeing Garrett, “why are you guys even here?”

Garrett throws his hands up. “Don’t look at me! I am but a slave to the whims of our younger siblings!”

Bethany and Carver exchange embarrassed glances, then both turn to glare at Garrett. Marian sighs. They’re all a mess.

“Oh, well, I shouldn’t keep you,” Merrill says, patting the side of her motorcycle. “Feathers and I can get moving, if you all need to leave.”

That catches Marian’s attention. “Wait, you’re traveling alone?” She hadn’t seen anyone else around, but she’d assumed that Merrill had at least one companion somewhere, perhaps inside the shitty convenience store connected to the gas station.

Merrill nods. “I was raised by neutrals,” she says—people who live outside Battery City, but don’t openly rebel against BLI. “I didn’t become a Killjoy until just recently. I haven’t really found a group yet.”

That explains why Marian’s never seen her before. Neutrals tend to stay out of the way unless they run a business, like their friend Varric.

“That’s dangerous, you know,” Carver says, but he sounds less matter-of-fact and more concerned. “You’re a lot more likely to get ghosted by yourself.”

Merrill sighs. “I know. But what am I supposed to do? Invite myself to tag along with the next Killjoy gang I see?”

Garrett shrugs. “Why not? You could tag along with us.”

To be fair, Marian had been thinking that, too, in the back of her mind, but it still stuns her to actually hear it spoken.

Merrill’s eyes widen with hope. “That would be wonderful, but I wouldn’t want to impose…”

Instinctively, Marian and her siblings all turn to look at each other, none of them saying anything, just glancing back and forth with various facial expressions ranging from embarrassment to uncertainty to excitement. Finally, Marian turns back to Merrill and says, “You wouldn’t be imposing. We’d be glad to have you join us.”

Merrill gasps. “Oh, thank you! You won’t regret it, I promise!”

Bethany smiles. “Welcome to the Birds of Passage, Daisy.”

(At the use of Merrill’s Killjoy name, Marian briefly wonders just how long her siblings had been eavesdropping before Merrill noticed them.)

“We’re headed to one of the outer Zones for the evening,” Carver explains. “You could follow us on your bike until we find a place to set up camp.”

“Oh, perfect!” Merrill says. “I’ve been meaning to head that way. Too many Dracs this close to Bat City.”

When the Hawkes climb back into the Camaro, Marian steals a glance at Merrill in the rearview mirror, watches as their newfound companion unties a green bandana from her belt loop and wraps it around her head to keep her hair out of her face. When Marian steps on the gas pedal and tears out of the Dead Pegasus parking lot, the roar of the motorcycle lets her know that Deadly Daisy is right behind them.

—

Fenris doesn’t sleep well that night.

Granted, Fenris doesn’t sleep well most nights, but for some reason, the night after Bethany gets shot in the leg is particularly bad. Maybe it’s the hard concrete floor of the warehouse, which no amount of blankets or cushions can completely alleviate. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s lying only a few feet away from Garrett, who sleeps like a log and snores like a chainsaw. Maybe it’s the pain in his shoulder from an injury a few days prior.

Or maybe it’s the fact that tonight, his nightmares are worse than usual. Tonight, when he dreams, he is alone, but worse than that: the bodies of his fellow Killjoys lie dead at his feet, glassy eyes wide, their hands still on the triggers of their guns. Draculoids—more Dracs than he’s ever seen at one time—close in on him, zombielike in the way they reach for him, pull at him from every angle, pin him to the ground and snarl in his face. He’d fight if he could, fight with everything he has, but his body is stiff and frozen, and no amount of willpower can force even his mouth to move. For a man with an aversion to closeness and touching, and painful tattoos from BL/ind experimentation, the sensation of being trapped makes him feel like he’s about to vomit.

It’s when they pull out a Drac mask and shove it over his head that he wakes up gasping for breath.

It takes a few minutes for his body to relax and his heart to stop pounding in his ears. Fenris can see the faintest bit of morning light trickling through the windows—he’d guess that it’s around five o’clock—and concludes that attempting to get a decent amount of sleep will probably be a fruitless endeavor. Sighing and forcing himself to sit upright, he reaches into the small backpack beside him and pulls out a Killjoy-made magazine that they snagged at the last gas stop.

The zine is filled with artwork of desert landscape and rebels fighting BL/ind, accompanied by writing—a few short stories and poems, a few articles and essays, all about the highs and lows of revolution. It’s a perfect representation of life in the Zones, every copy made by hand, since few (if any) Killjoys have access to a working printer. However many were made, probably no more than twenty, the artists and authors must have had to redraw and rewrite their work. Two Polaroid photos are taped to the inside cover, one of a Dead Pegasus gas station at sunset, the other of two female Killjoys kissing, with their names listed at the bottom. There are probably different photos in every copy, likely taken from the same photographer, someone lucky enough to have access to a working Polaroid camera (though Fenris concedes that it’s actually not too difficult to find batteries out here, though they might be half-empty).

He’s so focused on flipping through the zine that he doesn’t realize anyone else is awake—at least, not until the sound of someone sitting down next to him nearly makes him jump out of his skin.

“Sorry,” Anders whispers, holding a hand up. Behind him, the orange light of the sunrise creates a halo around his blond head. “I assume you couldn’t sleep, either?”

Fenris makes a noncommittal grunt, enough to give Anders his answer, but curt enough to hopefully get his I don’t want to talk about it message across. He’d rather not have to even think about the nightmares that his subconscious assaults him with, let alone explain them.

“Alright,” Anders says with an understanding nod. He glances over at the zine, skimming the page Fenris has it open to with clear interest.

Fenris holds it out for him to take. “You can look through it.”

Anders hesitates for a moment before obliging. Fenris watches his face as he flips through the pages. The brilliant poetry and detailed artwork seem to fill him with awe, similar to what Fenris felt browsing the zine’s contents, but there’s something else, too, something deeper—something like longing.

“I wanted to tell you something,” Anders says finally, slowly closing the booklet. “I just remembered, and I think you deserve to know.” He glances over at the windows, and the sun shines on his pale face, reflecting off of his gold earring. Without looking at Fenris, he says, “You have a sister, named Varania.”

Fenris blinks in surprise. A sister? Anders apparently knew him when they both lived in Battery City, before BLI wiped Fenris’s mind—or reprogrammed him, as they like to call it. It’s times like these that make him feel like Anders knows him better than he himself does. “And you’re just now telling me this?” Fenris says in an attempt to mask his bewilderment. A sister. He has a sister.

“You only mentioned her once or twice,” Anders says. “It was the last thing on my mind. But something reminded me of it this morning, so I figured I’d tell you.” He shrugs. “I don’t know much else about her. But I know she’s still alive, or she was by the time I left Bat City.”

Sister. Sister. Sister. His brain repeats it so often that it no longer really feels like a word. He knows he’d be angry if Anders had kept this hidden from him, but at the same time, he’s not really sure what he’s supposed to do with the information. She’s probably still in Battery City, which means it’s too late and far too dangerous to go back and search for her, or even attempt to write a letter to her.

Still, he feels like he has to say something. “Well,” he mumbles, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Thank you. For telling me.” Then, tilting his head to the side, he adds, “May I ask what reminded you?”

Anders sighs and pushes a few loose strands of hair out of his face. “She appeared in a dream last night.”

Fenris doesn’t expect it to hurt, but it does, just a little. To think that he doesn’t even know what his own sister looks like, while a man who barely knows anything about her sees her in his dreams.

Abruptly, Anders hands the zine back to him and stands up, covering his eyes with a hand to block out the sun. Fenris glances down at the page he left open: a poem written in an angry hand, calling for revolution, calling for justice.

—

Varric Tethras is what people in the Zones call a “neutral.” He doesn’t wear the flashy clothes, he goes by his real name, and he tends to stay in one spot minding his own business rather than get into fights with Draculoids. He has his own little gas station convenience store in Zone Three and is an expert at aiding Killjoys without giving BLI a reason to go after him. In short, he’s the perfect person to go to when there’s trouble, and there’s always trouble.

The trouble this time has nothing to do with BL/ind, for once; about five miles away from Varric’s shop, the Camaro broke down, so Marian had to jump start it using Merrill’s motorcycle, and now they’re hanging out in the store while she tries to fix the car.

Garrett frowns as he glances out the window at the setting sun. “We might have to camp out here for the night, Varric.” It’s not the first time, and he knows Varric doesn’t mind, but he still feels bad about it.

Varric waves a hand nonchalantly. “Yeah, I figured,” he says from behind the store counter, where he seems to be digging through some junk he’s stored underneath. Varric is a whopping four-foot-eight, so the chair he uses to reach the counter makes most other people who sit in it look like giants. Merrill finds a particular delight in this, and she’s so sweet that anyone would feel terrible asking her to get off of it, even Marian, which has been an especially interesting phenomenon to witness.

As if on cue, the front door swings open, and there stands Marian, covered in grease and wearing nothing but a sports bra and ripped black shorts. “I’m turning in for the night,” she says as she waltzes into the shop, letting the door slam shut behind her. “Round two starts in the morning.”

Garrett watches as she heads into the bathroom to wash herself off. Carver came in from practicing his shooting about a half hour ago (and is currently sitting on the floor eating potato chips), so now they’re all inside for the evening. Bethany’s been drawing quietly, her brow furrowed in concentration as she sits on the worn couch in one of the back rooms, and Garrett and Merrill have been making their own fun out front. The store is Varric’s home, so he had to get creative with the few extra rooms.

Garrett is wandering aimlessly through the little aisles, examining various snacks, all stamped with the BLI logo, when he hears the front door open, and in walks possibly the most gorgeous Killjoy Garrett has ever seen.

The first thing he notices is the shock of silver-white hair, the way the undercut contrasts against the man’s brown skin. The dim light of the store reflects against his leather jacket and his surprisingly wide eyes. When he takes a few steps forward, a chain hanging from his black jeans—yes, jeans, in the desert—makes a jangling sound, and his heavy footsteps suggest combat boots. He looks like he just walked out of a mosh pit, but that’s not what intrigues Garrett the most. No, what really catches his attention is the pale white tattoos that stretch from the man’s bottom lip down into his chest and out to the tips of his fingers—they almost seem to glow. “Varric?” the man calls in a deep voice as he surveys the area.

Varric pops his head out from the back of the store. “Oh-ho! Long time no see, Wolfy!”

The man rolls his eyes at the nickname and leans awkwardly against one of the snack aisles. “I see you are having a sleepover,” he says slowly as he eyes each of the Birds suspiciously (save for Marian, who is still washing up, thankfully). Bethany walks out into the store to see him better, and Garrett flashes him his best good-natured smile, causing the man to raise an eyebrow at him.

“Their car broke down not far from here,” Varric explains as he walks out from behind the store counter. “And because I’m just so charitable, I let them stay for the night.” That’s his way of saying that they’re friends.

“Hm.” The man makes his way through the store, seemingly on edge, like he’s keenly aware of the way the Birds glance his way out of the corners of their eyes, pretending that they’re not looking at him. Eventually, Garrett gives up on trying to be inconspicuous and plops down in a chair pushed up against one wall, allowing himself to stare openly. He’s never been good with subtlety.

Suddenly Marian’s voice rings out through the shop. “Who’s this?”

Varric clears his throat. “Birds of Passage, allow me to formally introduce you to the Painted Wolf. He’s kind of new, doesn’t have a gang to roll with yet.”

The Painted Wolf looks away, not making eye contact as he wanders into another aisle where he can’t as easily be seen. “I think I would prefer to keep it that way. No offense.”

After a few beats of silence, Merrill says from her place on top of the chair behind the store counter, “You have tattoos, like me.”

Instinctively, almost as if he was expecting it, the Wolf replies, “But you received yours willingly, I’ll wager.”

Merrill blinks in surprise. “Well. Yes, I did. You mean you didn’t?”

The Painted Wolf does not respond, just runs a hand through his hair and takes a breath through his nose.

Garrett frowns a little and stands back up, making his way over to where Marian is still standing in front of the bathroom door, her arms crossed. “Don’t tell me,” she says quietly. “You think we should let him come with us.”

Garrett shrugs. “Well, why not? He doesn’t have anyone. And he’s…intriguing.”

Marian rolls her eyes. “You’re just saying that because you think he’s hot.”

“I do not,” Garrett lies, but his face heats up, giving him away. “Okay, well, maybe I do, but that’s not the only reason.”

Marian shakes her head. “He doesn’t seem too keen on making friends. I mean, he just said he’d rather be alone. Also, what you call ‘intriguing’ I call ‘suspicious.’ The man’s got secrets.”

“So do we,” Garrett says, though at the moment he can’t think of anything particularly damning. If nothing else, he’s sure Carver’s got something embarrassing.

“You being gay doesn’t count as a secret when you gawk at any man that isn’t related to us,” Marian says, a tiny smirk forming on her face.

“That’s not what I meant!” Garrett says. He can feel his face turning even redder. He needs to find a way to get Marian on his side, and if he can’t do it with emotion, then maybe he can do it with logic. “Seriously, I think we should talk to him. He’s a new Killjoy, but he looks way more experienced than most newbies. He might even be older than us. I’d be willing to bet he knows something about BL/ind. I just think he’d be good to have on our side. And it’s not like he has to stay with us forever.”

Marian seems to think it over for a long time. It’s different than it was with Merrill. Unlike the Wolf, Merrill had expressed a clear interest in finding a group to fall in with, and the Birds just happened to be the first ones to click with her. Also, Marian is a lesbian and about ten times more suspicious of men than she is of women as a general rule, which is fair, but it makes these things difficult sometimes. Finally, she says, “Fine. If you can convince him, then I’m game. I can go tell the others.” She cracks her knuckles. “At the very least, he looks like he knows something worth knowing.”

Garrett holds his hands up. “Well, hopefully you won’t have to beat it out of him, so you can stop with the threatening looks.”

Marian snorts. “Just asserting my dominance, my dear little brother.” She reaches forward and musses his hair.

Garrett shakes his head as he starts to head over to the other side of the store, where the Wolf is standing. He doesn’t bother pointing out that she’s only older than him by nine minutes, because she’ll hang those nine minutes over his head until the day they die.

The Painted Wolf looks up from the magazine he’s been flipping through. “Let me guess,” he says. “You want me to join your gang.”

Garrett smiles sheepishly. “What can I say? We think you’d be a good addition to the team.”

The Wolf frowns and puts the magazine back on the rack. “You barely know anything about me.”

“I know you’re a Killjoy traveling alone, and that’s enough for me,” Garrett says, and it’s the truth. Killjoys stick together. It’s the law of the desert. It’s how they survive.

The Wolf narrows his eyes. “I already said I prefer to be alone.”

Garrett folds his arms over his chest, allowing his knowledge of the Zones to give him confidence. “That’s how I can tell you’re new,” he says. “Rule number one of making it as a Killjoy: find a gang. Hordes of Dracs are less likely to target larger groups, and even if they do, you have a better chance of making it out alive when you’re not alone. If you watch our backs, we’ll watch yours.”

The Wolf nods slowly, as if this just confirmed something he already suspected. “You watch our backs, we’ll watch yours,” he repeats to himself. “It’s...a sentiment I am not entirely familiar with.”

“I figured you were from Bat City,” Garrett says, stroking his beard thoughtfully. (Carver and Marian like to make fun of him when he does that. Marian says it makes him look like an asshole.)

The Wolf nods again. “The sense of camaraderie was one of the things that drew me to the Zones, and to the Killjoy lifestyle specifically. But until now, I suppose I have been too wary to actively engage in it.”

Garrett raises an eyebrow, careful not to show too much excitement. “Until now, you say?”

The Wolf gives the softest chuckle, his mouth curving briefly upward. “Perhaps you have a point about me traveling alone. BL/ind knows that I left Battery City; no doubt they’re looking for me. It...would be prudent to join a larger group, at least for a little while.”

Garrett allows himself the beginnings of a grin. “It definitely would.”

The Wolf clears his throat. “I...never got your name,” he says, fingers playing mindlessly with the hem of his jacket.

“Firebird,” Garrett replies, holding a hand out for him to shake.

The Wolf looks at it for a moment before responding. “Well, then, Firebird,” he says slowly, “if you’ll have me, I would like to travel with you and your gang.”

“I certainly would love to have you,” Garrett replies, only realizing how strange it sounds once the words are out of his mouth. His face heats up. “I...I didn’t mean it like—”

Across the room, Marian calls, “Real smooth.” Garrett flips her off.

An awkward little smile forms on the Wolf’s face. “I know what you meant,” he says, but if Garrett isn’t mistaken, he’s blushing, too.

—

A few days later, Varric, whose talents include knowing everything that’s happening in the Zones, says, “So I got a tip that there’s someone after you guys.”

Isabela rolls her eyes and leans against the counter, conscious of the way her ripped white jean shorts ride up her ass—she’s doing it on purpose, and she peers over her shoulder to make sure Marian’s watching. “Someone’s always after us, Varric. This isn’t new.”

“No, like a major someone,” Varric replies. “Does the name Meredith Stannard mean anything to any of you?”

The Birds exchange glances from their various positions throughout the shop. They’ve all heard the name, but only Fenris and Anders seem to know who she is. Makes sense, since they’re the only ones who have actually lived in Battery City and seen BL/ind’s inner workings up close.

“She’s a Scarecrow, right?” Marian says from behind Isabela. She steps forward and takes a large sip out of her Neptune Pop can. “Isn’t that all we need to know?”

“She isn’t just any old Scarecrow,” Fenris says as he examines the shelves for more food. “She is one of the Director’s favorites—very high-ranking, always flanked by six or more Draculoids and sometimes other Scarecrows. I have known a few BL/ind workers who do not wish to kill, but do so because they fear the consequences of disobeying.” He shakes his head, speaking calmly but severely. “Meredith is not one of them. She kills out of hate and nothing less. She views it as her duty, a mission she will carry out until the day she dies. I suggest taking her seriously. She has slaughtered many of you.”

The way he refers to Killjoys isn’t lost on Isabela. It’s been a little less than a year, she thinks, since he left Battery City and joined the rebels in the Zones, but he still seems hesitant to identify himself as one of them. He still refers to them as you instead of us.

His words send a brief chill down Isabela’s spine, but she shakes it off and looks up at Marian to gauge her reaction. Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t seem fazed.

“It doesn’t matter how many of us she’s killed,” she says. The piercings in her left ear gleam in the light from the windows. “She bleeds just like the rest of us, and she’ll die just like the rest of us.”

Varric holds a hand up. “Fair point, I suppose. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. My source says Meredith considers you guys one of the most dangerous gangs in the Zones. That means one of her biggest priorities is wiping you out. Just...be careful.”

“Careful is my middle name,” Marian says as she finishes her Neptune Pop, crushes the can in one hand, and launches it across the store, causing Anders to duck because of his ridiculously long bird legs. The can lands in the garbage bin with a loud crash.

Marian grins. It’s lopsided, and her teeth are crooked and stained with soda, but it just makes Isabela want to kiss that alluring, imperfect mouth even more.

“I thought your middle name was Selene,” Merrill says from her designated spot in Varric’s chair. They call it the Tallening Chair.

Marian’s face softens, and her cheeks turn pink as she gently explains to Merrill that it’s a figure of speech. Isabela watches in silence until Marian suddenly turns to her, lightly smacks her ass, and says with a playful glint in her eyes, “Well, back to business.”

Isabela smirks. Works every time.

—

It only takes half an hour for Marian’s nonchalance about Meredith Stannard to come back and bite her in the ass.

“Guys!”

Garrett bursts through the front door of Varric’s shop, his eyes wide and panicked. He’d been outside restocking the trunk with supplies. “I think we’ve got company.”

Marian peers outside, and the rest of the Birds do the same. Sure enough, veering into the parking lot are two white vans with the Better Living Industries symbol emblazoned on their doors.

Shit.

In a flash, they all whip out their ray guns and rush outside just in time to see a horde of Dracs pouring out of the vans. Then, from the passenger seat of one of the vans, a woman climbs out. She’s tall, blonde, and middle-aged, and her eyes seem to pierce right through them.

“Ah,” she says as the Dracs line up behind her, brandishing their plain white ray guns. “The notorious Birds of Passage, or so you call yourselves.” As she speaks, she pulls out her own weapon and seems to aim it straight at Marian. “It looks as though you’ve been expecting me.”

For a moment, the two groups just stand there silently, revolvers pointed at one another, a classic example of a Mexican standoff. It feels like the air has been sucked out of the atmosphere, like the atoms themselves have stopped moving completely. Then Meredith snaps her fingers with her free hand, and the desert explodes in gunfire.

——

killjoy names: garrett - firebird marian - kitty hawke bethany - midnight sun carver - fantom fighter merrill - deadly daisy anders - nuclear blonde isabela - storm chaser fenris - the painted wolf