#I think this is the first kiss ive ever drawn

[cerealmonster15]

[vibrating a little too fast] Do You Understand My Vision Yet

[prettyboykatsuki]

oliver talking his partner through it and calling him d**** god your brain is so huge my stomach hurts thinking about this. he’ll never tell you he loves you to your face and tries to fuck you more like he hates you because he doesn’t want to get too attached but as you’re getting close he’s all in your face and your neck, teasing you, biting your ear and softly begging you to tell him how you feel, how it’ll be better for him if you tell d**** just how close you are and how much you need him. takes you over the crest so sweetly, and continues rolling into you, chasing his own. his kisses are nonstop and so overwhelming, and he knows they are but he just really needs to connect with you like this. never the first to say “i love you” but unfortunately (in his opinion) he expresses it in so many other ways. sorry.

but i crumble completely when you cry | a. oliver

✮ tags ; DADDY KINK, afab + fem!reader, situationship!oliver, hooking up, unresolved romantic tension, p in v, praise, soft sex, it gets emotionally strange, riding, creampies, unprotected sex, under-negotiated kink in a sense though oliver is very careful

✮ wc ; 2.2k (i dont want to talk about it)

✮ a/n ; anon im going to haunt your dreams for putting this absurd image into my head when i dont even go here im crying screaming throwing up ive been thinking about it for hours. hours of my life wasted on this guys dick. upsetting!!!!!

also i do not write this often and do not plan too again any time soon so if ur seeing this and thinking about following me for content like it i would not recommend!!!

✮ synopsis ; you don't trust oliver with your heart or your feelings. nor do you expect anything from him.

but it's hard not to lean into him when he decides to cradle you so gently.

Your relationship with Oliver is both very ambiguous and very clear.

There's a line drawn, and you both steer clear of crossing it in your interactions. Oliver is fun. He's attractive and charming, a massive flirt but just genuine enough to be interesting.

It helps that he's hot. Physically, he's got an unreal build.

He's an athlete, so he's big. Wide chest and strong arms, thick thighs and the height to top it off. He's 6'3, and he's sexy (and his dick is huge) - and you sleep with him because of that. You don't date him explicitly because he's a womanizer. If you'd met when you were a little younger, a little more naive - you might've tried to dog-train him into being your boyfriend.

Because on top of the immaculate dick, he's fun to be around. He's funny, he drinks well, he's not a scumbag in the ways that turn you off.

You're old enough to know better. You have a career. You're too busy, and too jaded about love to try and fix whatever weird shit he has going on. So even if the two of you harbor some sort of emotional or romantic feelings for each other, you're smart enough to not get invested in those feelings and smart enough to have no expectations.

Oliver is your fun. He's your sneaky link, your weekend off. You come to him to blow off steam. You have rough, fast sex and it's good. Sometimes you chill afterwards, and you'll indulge each other in some physical affection but other times you take your shower and leave. It's a good time, and you know well enough not to ever ask him for any of your emotional needs. You have your therapist and girl friends for that.

Normally, when you're having a rough week - it's prime time to go to him. He'll fuck you a little harder than usual, and sometimes he's nice enough to kiss it better. But it's still, very distinctly, never crossing that boundary.

But some weeks, like this week - shit is bad. Not just stressful bad, but everything in the fucking world that could go wrong, is going wrong bad. It's not the kind of thing you can get over by compartmentalizing and even when you try to do your usual thing it doesn't really work.

You're trying right now - to get over the fucked up week you had. And you're turned on, but somehow - it's still not enough to get you completely out of it.

Oliver pauses mid stroke, in missionary - hetero-chromatic eyes staring you down as your thoughts are somewhere else completely. You don't notice the first time he stops, or the first time he calls you.

And he only gets your attention by cupping your face and making you look at him. You startle as you cast your glance his way.

"What's with you?" He asks, though he's not pissed or anything "Not feelin' it? Want me to stop?"

"No, you don't have too."

"Not what I asked," He chastises, letting go of your face "Not having your full attention is making me go soft,"

This makes you laugh, and Oliver cracks a smile seeing the tension melt off your face if only slightly.

"I'm cool with stopping." He assures. You let your hand reach up to his shoulder.

"It's not like I want to stop, necessarily? Like I wanna do something to get my mind off it and sex feels like the best option, but you know how it goes sometimes," You say, trying your best to avoid the emotional baggage of your words "We can stop though. I'll pay you for your wasted time," You tack the joke on at the end to ease the tension.

You're expecting him to pull out and stop, or maybe challenge himself into fucking you so good that you forget. Something more quintessentially Oliver than what he does do.

He gives you a blank look first, than a laugh that is a touch too sincere for you to be comfortable "That bad of a week?"

You're suddenly in dangerous territory. Somehow, this strange intimacy makes all the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. You swallow thickly, the emotions coming over you so quick you end up looking away.

"Yeah. You know. It's fine, but you know."

"Mm," He says. He leans into your space. His breath is warm and his stubble tickles your skin as he whispers in your ear. You feel your breath hitch. And the air feels heavy "Wanna try somethin' else?"

"Like what?"

"A surprise," He says first, and find your stomach tightening. A hollowness in your nerves "Gotta trust me."

"You're scaring me." You joke.

"I'm a sex expert, you know?" Oliver says, humming against your skin "If I can't remedy your little problem with my dick, it's bad for my street cred. My yelp reviews will tank."

"You're such a dumbass."

"Do you trust me?"

You don't know how to answer. Yes, for the most part. Not with everything, but with your pleasure at least. Whatever this is, it doesn't feel the same. But you say yes, anyways. Oliver kisses your jaw in reply, then he pulls out.

He flips position easily. He ends up on his back, then he grabs you to rest on top of him. You're not sure what you're expecting. He holds you by your hips as your sex hovers over his cock. His thumb is rubbing circles into your skin as he sinks you down slowly onto him.

You only stare at him, mouth opening as you feel him stretch you open for a second time.

You're more aware of it this way. He's so thick, and so intrusive - and normally, you're feeling that in hard strokes. Fast and rough, like something knocking into your cervix. But like this, he's hitting a deep angle. You can feel every curve, every inch, as you come down slowly.

He keeps you there. For longer than you'd expect. Just keeps you, settles you, holds you gently. You stare at him as he grabs your hand, locking your fingers. Your first instinct is to panic, or crack a joke - but there's an intense look in his eye that shuts you up.

Uncharacteristically gentle, you find yourself frightened. Oliver's hands reach for you again. They hold your waist and slide up the planes of your body. He holds your tits in his palms and squeezes.

He does this a lot, but there's not usually this much touching. This much foreplay. It's grabby, a deeper pressure. He doesn't...feel you, in the way he is now. You stare at him, and he looks back at you so fondly you feel a strange urge to pretend it never happened.

"Play with your clit," He says, though there's no urgency in his voice.

Deep and smooth, the timbre in it has you shaking. You listen, on auto-pilot as you play with yourself clumsily and build a slow pressure. He just watches.

"C'mere, baby. And don't stop touching yourself."

Another pause. It's not the first time he's called you that. He likes to call you all sorts of things when you're fucking, and baby is one of the few. But not like that. Not like this. He gives you a lazy, self satisfied smile and encourages you by placing a hand on where he can reach on your low back.

You lean down, and Oliver tucks you into his chest. He's warm, and strong - and smells so good, like musk and cologne. Your free hand is on his chest, as he grips your hips and fucks up into you.

"That's it," His voice is pleasant to your ears. It feels funny to you "Just gotta listen to me."

He starts fucking you slowly. It's a familiar feeling, a pleasant stretch that dulls into a euphoric fullness. But it's never been this slow before. Each thrust is slow, and punctual, and so deep you feel yourself gasping. It's not enough to push you over the edge, but it's enough to make your mind feel a little numb.

You think he's going to keep at you like this, maybe edge you to take you out of it. But he doesn't. He keeps his pace.

"Had a hard time this week, didn't you, tough girl?" He mumbles, so low it doesn't feel real. You feel your heart start to race. You feel your throat start to close around something, choking "Did a good job and came to me. Gonna let me take care of it?"

You stumble. You aren't sure what to say, you nod and hope he feels it. He laughs a little. You can't be sure if you're fucking Oliver or not.

You know it's him but he's never been like this. Not once. Not ever.

"Gonna let daddy take care of you?" He says, though it's tentative. Your breath hitches. Something strange overwhelms your senses "Tell me, baby."

"Uhm," Your first reaction is a sense of resistance, an immediate pull away. Not that you hate it but you aren't sure how to adjust. You squirm, but you don't tell him no. You feel like you can't in this state "Uh-uh,"

He keeps surprising you, pressing his lips to yours where you hover over him, tender as he ups the pace of his thrusts.

"That's what I like to hear," He almost sounds proud "You'll hurt your head if you think too much. And I'd be a bad daddy, letting that happen, yeah?"

A vulnerable, foreign sensation drives you to speak "You're not bad in that way."

He laughs "Just in other ways, right?"

You giggle "Uh-huh."

"But not in this one," He repeats, very carefully. He fucks into you harder now, pays extra special attention to you. It's all for you, is what he's saying in a language completely foreign yet somehow so known. One only the two of you will ever know fully, confined in the four walls of this room "Daddy is good at taking care of you like this, so you should let him do just that. Tough girls always need their daddies, hm?"

It's what ends up tipping you up over the edge. You cling to him, succumbing to whatever weird space the two of you have fallen into you. Suspended in this odd sense of comfort that Oliver has thrust you in unannounced.

You don't trust Oliver with a lot, and this is more than what you should ever find yourself giving. In the back of your head you think you should pull away.

But he's comforting. It feels good, and strangely feels safe - and even for all the ways he's awful, you trust he'd never do anything bad to you. Even if it's a blip in the timeline, for now it's what you need. A blurry cross into your emotional needs that translate into your physical ones. Too much and so overwhelming, you hug closer to him and take a deep breath.

"Mm," You let yourself lean into him. Just this once, you promise yourself. "I wanna cum."

"Want it a little harder?"

"Mhm,"

"Then Daddy will give it to you a little harder, yeah? Anything for you." He says, and you try not to think to deeply on what that really means. Because even in this state you know it's not nothing, but you should never pry "Daddy can give you anything you want."

"Yeah?"

He chuckles a little as he fucks into you hard. Fucks into you how you need. You're wet enough, and wondering if you were always so into being doted on. Or if it's just the fact that it's Oliver. Another thing you decide to overlook as you zero in on the sensation of being pistoned from underneath. You're soaking. The room noisy with the sticky noise of Olivers cock penetrating you over and over, skin hitting skin as his hips press against your ass. His grip is bruising but not intentionally, his chest huffed in pleasure.

He's just as close as you are, you know all of his cues. You play with your clit faster, sensitive bud throbbing hard as all the blood rushes south. Your mouth has fallen open as the slow, thick desire coiling and culminating into something cosmic. Something big and heavy, but not too fast. Not a crash landing like you're used to.

But a single weight, the force of a star dropping to Earth. You figure Oliver is the gravity in your universe, holding you down so you don't float too far. You want to cling onto him for much longer.

And somehow, you're inclined to think he would let you.

"Oliver," You say his name as it builds, then decide on something else "Daddy,"

"I'm here, baby," He says back, like it's all he has to say for everything to make sense when nothing about this does "I'm right here. Let go."

So you do. You cum hard, and it comes in long never ending waves. Too much. It makes you collapse in Olivers arms, both arms coming around his neck as he continues to fuck you through the aftermath.

"Gonna," He voices, rasping as his thrusts become sloppy "Shit. Cumming, shit."

He cums with you, cums deep inside like usual and you mewl at the feeling of being filled with hot, sticky seed.

When it's over, you're almost afraid to look at him. When the tensions settled, and his chest goes back to it's steady breaths - you wonder whats going to happen next.

"Wanna stay like this for a while?"

You nod.

"Mm. Sleepy."

"Stay like this, then. I'll wake you in a little."

"So you can kick me out?" You joke, trying to pretend nothing is different. He pauses.

"Just to shower," He whispers, hand resting on your lower back "Sleep."

There's too much to think about. Tomorrow will be strange. You let yourself succumb to your own exhaustion.

"Okay."

[liyatime]

💭 . . . " ENEMIES ON STAGE, LOVERS BACKSTAGE" . . ☄️. REQ

☄️ pairing ; bttm ! na jaemin x top ! male reader

☄️ genre ; angst , smut

☄️ cw ; male/male intercourse , arguing , kissing , anal , cursing , hate fucking (?)

☄️ a/n ; ive never wrote an enemies to lovers fic so i moved into the lover part out of nowhere , sorry 😭

(m/n) was the main vocalist of his group (g/n) , he was praised on social media and in real life by multiple interviewees , idols , western singers , and netizens alike for his talent and visuals.

it was a wednesday afternoon and (g/n) was invited to an award show as they were nominated for an award for their latest comeback , and not so surprisingly , the group they competed against in popularity was there , and one of the members (m/n) wasn't so fond of was glaring in his groups direction , na jaemin of nct dream.

ever since (g/n) and nct dream's debut they were constantly pitted against each other , battling for the spotlight and the attention of old and new fans. the industry couldn't get enough of their fierce gazes and sassy remarks on stage.

but beneath all that competition , there may be something deeper brewing. every time they share the stage , there was an energy that couldn't be denied. It was like they were destined to be enemies. they couldn't help but be drawn to each other , even if they wouldn't admit it.

as the award show mc's were busy entertaining the camera , jaemin threw shade at (m/n) with his eyes , looking him up and down and rolling his eyes , (m/n) just looked away , not wanting to see the other ways jaemin could be childish. jaemin gossiped with jeno , leaning back to whisper in his ear and chuckle in (m/n)'s direction.

(m/n) just smacked his lips and fixed his facial expression to a fake smile when the cameras turned to them . the mc's began to call out the winners of the best comeback award. both nct dream and (g/n) held their breaths and (m/n) tapped his foot against the expensive stage tile.

"for the best comeback award, this year's award goes to.." jaemin and (m/n) gulped at the same time , jaemin stealing a glance at (m/n) before closing his eyes again. "(G/N)! CONGRATULATIONS!" the members of (g/n) let go of their breaths and jumped up and down in excitement , taking the award and going up to the mic to say their thank you speeches.

jaemin looked speechless , before this award show, they won the previous 2 best comeback awards. jaemin thought it wasn't fair and sucked and his teeth , which was caught on camera , but he'll worry about that later.

after the acceptance speech , (g/n) had their encore stage , they had fun jumping around the stage , interacting with the audience , and overall they were just happy to win their first best comeback award.

the encore stage soon ended and (g/n) made their way off stage and into their dressing room where they had cute interactions with staff and took multiple photos to celebrate their deserved win.

(m/n) exited the room after the excitement dispersed and out the back door for some fresh air , a few minutes away from the fog of fame. when they walked around the corner he stopped on his tracks , he saw jaemin , the man who taunted him on stage only to see defeat.

jaemin was looking at his shoes , kicking around a pebble. his long eyelashes looked wet and there was an evident red hue on the baby fat of his eyes , his melancholy look was visible even in the dark night , the moonlight the only thing highlighting him.

(m/n) sighed dramatically , getting jaemin's attention. jaemin just looked at him and then back down at his shoes , obviously embarrassed. (m/n) walked up to him and kicked away the pebble jaemin was playing with , it skipped into a drain and you could hear the plop ! sound it made after the drop.

"jaemin , you always think you're so perfect , huh?" (m/n) said , clearly aggravated , "You act like your group is the only one that matters in this industry." jaemin stayed quiet , looking at him face to face. "you were taking all that shit and doing all that childish crap on stage , but when i approach you you're quiet? that's funny , na jaemin."

the tension in the air was palpable as they glared at each other , their chests rising and falling with each breath. jaemin was biting the skin off his lips , and he looked as if he was about to cry , his mean and tough-ass persona would laugh at him if he saw him.

suddenly , jaemin began to speak up , "I'm sorry." he said , he looked guilty and more embarrassed than he was a minute ago. (m/n) stopped to think for a second , if fussing and cursing at jaemin was really worth it. jaemin never cursed at him , or made him feel shitty , just aggravated.

now it was (m/n)'s turn to feel guilty , and guilty he was. they stood in silence for a good moment , and that silence turned into tension , and that tension turned into a makeout session. they took each other by the collars and smashed their lips together , their tongues moving against each other in a heated dance. (m/n) pushed jaemin against the wall , putting his hands on jaemin's face and eventually moving down to jaemin's clothed cock. as (m/n) rubbed it , jaemin whimpered , grinding into his enemies hand.

his hands found (m/n)'s waist , pulling him in , their bodies pressed together , grinding together. (m/n) moved his hands behind jaemin and squeezed his ass , feeling him up as he moaned.

they both soon slid their pants down to their ankles and jaemin was facing the wall , sticking his ass up and out for (m/n). (m/n) was stroking his dick , preparing it for jaemin's hole while jaemin fingered himself. (m/n) let a fat glob of spit fall onto his cock as he rubbed it up and down. "fuck jaemin.." he said , slapping jaemin's round ass. jaemin's head lowered to hide his red face , "just fuck me already.." he said , pulling his fingers out of his pink hole and temptingly spreading it open for (m/n) to see.

(m/n) took jaemin's hips and lined his dick up with his hole , slowly sliding his tip in. jaemin whimpered at the painful stretch but he enjoyed how it hurt , how (m/n)'s big cock was stretching his tight hole open. (m/n) waited for jaemin to adjust to the stretch before thrusting into him , his balls hitting jaemin's ass. jaemin moaned , his hand going down to his dick to stroke it.

all of a sudden , (m/n) had a good idea , he pulled out of jaemin and picked him up by his ass , "ah, why..?" jaemin asked , he was fucked out. they were in a standing position and (m/n) directed his dick into jaemin's hole , pounding into his ass. jaemin moaned uncontrollably , he dug his head into the crook of (m/n)'s neck , a few tears wetting his shirt.

"fuck , im sorry.. (m/n).. fuck!" jaemin said as (m/n) rearranged his guts with his cock. "im cumming!' he said , soon letting white ribbons of cum paint his and (m/n)'s abdomens.

(m/n) followed soon after , letting his release fill up jaemin's hole. he sat against the wall with his dick still in jaemin.

they have a lot to talk about after jaemin's leaves his his fucked out mindset , but first , they should hurry up and get out of there before someone spots them.

a/n ; not really an enemies to LOVERS cause all they was have sex , but this is the best i can do

[satuguro]

✧*ೃ࿐ TONGUES & TEETH

[ ACT V: AN ANGEL'S FRAGILITY ]

xavier thorpe x valkyrie! reader

#SYNOPSIS— you and xavier go for a walk, you and enid think that tyler's an uber driver, and xavier needs to figure out his feelings.

#CONTAINS— enemies to fwb to lovers, slowburn, academic rivals, intimidating and flawed reader, familial issues (will be mentioned in this part), gore, blood, death, aged up characters (everyone is 18 except for eugene), sexual content (in this part & some other parts)

#AUTHORSNOTE— this took me longer to write for some reason but it's okay. thank you for all the support lately ily all xx

ACT I, ACT II, ACT III, ACT IV, ACT V, ACT VI

xavier didn’t like hospitals.

he didn't particularly spend a lot of his time in them, but when he did, he always hated it. the florescent lights, the strong smell of sickness and cleaner intermingled in the air, and the patients he passed by on the way to your room. all of them, either awake or asleep, had someone in the room with them; holding their hand, praying, talking with them. helping them.

he had to admit, it was awkward coming to visit you with weems. but weems offered to drive him so long as he kept a low profile about your condition, so he agreed to tag along. you were finally announced as stable after five days in the hospital; he guessed that having godly blood helped.

but while everyone had people in their rooms, all of them caring for their loved one so deeply, so tenderly, your room had only a black dahlia, a bouquet of baby's breath and lavender, and one of your mugs on a table.

the dahlia was from wednesday. the bouquet was from enid. xavier had brought you one of your own mugs the day prior.

but as he and weems entered the room, there was a woman standing at your right side. her hair was long and blonde, tied into a long dutch braid that reached all the way down to her hips. she wore a white turtleneck under a black trenchcoat and was the same height as weems. in her hands was your leather jacket from the night of your attack, now neatly sewn as though it hadn't been ripped to shreds.

none of your siblings looked like each other. you all had different mothers, but you all had odin's blood.

xavier placed his own gift next to their's; a random collection of your mugs from art class, and a pot you had made in pottery with a single white orchid in it. weems placed an envelope and a 'get well soon' balloon in the corner that xavier knew you'd poke fun at.

"you're one of y/n's sisters— eir, was it?" weems asked, approaching the valkyrie.

"yes. we met on y/n's first day." eir glanced at xavier, who only stood far behind weems. he looked perturbed, his jaw clenched as he sent daggers towards eir, but eir only sent him a kind smile before focusing on you again.

"i'm truly sorry for what has happened to your sister," weems continued, clasping her hands in front of her as she observed your sleeping face. "i'm sure that y/n has told you about her adventures—"

"it's all she ever truly talks about," eir laughed softly to herself, "she has always been drawn to trouble. even as a child— i'm sure you've seen it in her old forms."

"i have." an uncomfortable silence hovered in the air. the only thing that filled the quiet was the beeping of your monitor.

usually, when xavier came to visit you, he went alone or with enid. wednesday hadn't spoken a word to him since the attack.

xavier held you for what felt like hours. he rocked you back and forth as your sobs died down into sniffles. he pressed a quivering kiss to the top of your head as he breathed heavily in the cold. your hands were still wrapped around him, gripping his shirt.

until they fell at his sides, limp and lifeless.

"y/n? fuck, y/n?" xavier pulled you away from his chest to look at you. he desperately moved your hair from your face, his hands shaking violently as he held you in his arms. your eyes were shut, your face peaceful but lacking any sign of life. panic settled into his body as he shook you gently, careful not to move your wings. "y/n, answer me, c'mon," he pleaded, feeling the burn of tears behind his eyes.

your blood was everywhere; all over his hands, all over his pants and on his shirt. but the worst thing about feeling your blood wasn't that it was warm; it was that it was turning cold.

the sound of running footsteps on fallen leaves made him look up, a small sense of relief overcoming him when he saw wednesday with thornhill close in tow.

"get away from her," wednesday seethed, and with that, every ounce of relief disappeared from his body. she ran up to the other side of your body, her eyes widening at the sight of your snapped wings. "what did you do?!"

"you can't be serious, wednesday, she's dying!" xavier yelled, his eyes pleading for help as he fixed you in his arms. "we," he sniffed harshly, "we have to get her and eugene out of here. now."

"her wings will only bring her more pain," thornhill murmured, making xavier look at her in horror. eyes were set on something glinting in the distance, and she made her way towards it quickly. she returned with your sword in her hands, the weight heavy but manageable.

"no, you can't do that to her," xavier shook his head at he held you closer to him. it was a pathetic attempt to get you away as thornhill neared. "you can't cut off her wings ms. thornhill—"

"we need to do this, xavier. it will make it easier for us to get her to the hospital quicker." thornhill huffed as she raised the sword up, the weight far too heavy in her hands. it glinted in the moonlight menacingly, shining down on its owner. "i'm sure she'll understand."

"ms. thornhill, don't—" wednesday protested, but it was already too late.

thornhill let the sword fall on the elbow of your wings with a sickening thump. the sound of your bones and skin being cut seemed to echo in the woods like a haunting whisper. when one came off, the other followed.

"i'm going to visit eugene," weems said as she passed xavier, who could only nod as she left. yet again, there was that uncomfortable silence in the air as he stood in the room with eir. quietly, he moved to your other side as he peered at you.

you were so peaceful when you slept. your hair was a mess on the hospital white pillow, but it surrounded your head like a halo. your eyes were shut gently, and it looked as though you were only sleeping.

sometimes, xavier forgot you were quite literally an angel on earth.

your wings, now cut down to what xavier assumed was its elbow, was behind your back, completely bandaged. the hospital did everything they could to stop your wings from bleeding, but you lost so much blood; not only in the forest, but under their care. rumors circulated around school that you almost died.

"the nurses told me you and some girls visited her every day." eir spoke with a soft nordic accent, but she was easy to understand. she glanced at xavier with the same irises you had; calculating, strategic, and observant.

always on guard.

"the girls were enid and wednesday, her roommates." eir's eyebrows raised at his bitter tone, but said nothing as xavier continued. "i'm xavier. her.. friend."

eir placed the jacket in her hands on a nearby chair, smoothing it out as she left it. "it's our father's jacket," eir explained, her tone gentle, "he gave it to her years ago, when he saw her last." she turned to xavier, her eyes cold but her smile warm. "thank you for visiting her, xavier. i'm sure she'd be happy to know that you have come here every day—"

"where have you been?"

"excuse me?" eir blinked as she looked at xavier, who looked at her with a dirty look.

"you're her sister. one of nine, from what i heard from enid, and yet this is the first time i've seen anyone from her family visit," xavier scoffed, shaking his head to himself, "and only one of you showed up." his voice was pained; not for himself, but for you.

xavier knew what it was like to be lonely, to exist without the presence with others. he knew better than most how it felt to roam an empty home like a ghost, how it felt to be treated as though he wasn't even there. he knew how it felt to be in a room full of people and still be seen as nothing more than someone's shadow.

and to see you, someone who quite literally lost their wings over someone else, it pained him to see that it took your family nearly a week to appear.

"where's her dad— odin?"

"elsewhere."

"he couldn't even appear for her? not even for this— a near death experience?" xavier asked with a mirthless laugh, "does he even care for her?"

a smile appeared on eir's face, like a shadow from the sun. it brought nothing but anger to xavier to see her smile at his accusations, but she knew fully well that xavier was right. odin didn't want to appear, even when his daughter was within death's grasp. her sisters were off doing their jobs in other countries, all too deep in their jobs to manage time for their little sister. eir continued to say, "are you aware that y/n is the weakest of my sisters?"

"that isn't what we're talking about—"

"she is the youngest. the first born in the modern age; the rest of us were born millennia ago," eir looked at you fondly, one of her hands reaching out to touch your face. she stroked your skin under her calloused fingertips, a small sign of love. "valkyries age slowly— we aren't goddesses, you know. but many of us become stronger the more we age," eir shook her head, laughing softly to herself, "but not y/n."

"her body is weaker than ours. her back cripples when her strength runs thin and her skin bruises when you punch it— not like the others." eir shook her head, her hair flowing like water with her movements. "my sisters and i have seen vikings fall at our feet. men and women alike have begged us for mercy," eir swallowed as her face suddenly turned cold. it was as though she was reminiscing the memory of soldiers clawing at the ground as she pulled them away from their world, their pleads still fresh in her ears. "but y/n.. she fell at the feet of others."

"why are you telling me this?" xavier couldn't help but ask, his curiosity getting the better of him as he looked between you and eir.

"because all y/n knows is survival," eir stated with a sigh, "my sisters only know war. we grew up under the safety of our father, but y/n has never been as lucky," a bitter smile tugged at her lips, "it was as though trouble was constantly in her wake. war is temporary, but for it to happen every day in nearly every home you had," she spat her words out like poison, her words gritted and forced, "is cruel. it's cruel and merciless."

"where were you?" xavier asked, his voice no louder than a whisper. her entire explanation of your history did nothing to coerce his anger; if anything, it only made him angrier. eir's eyes looked into his, shining brightly with tears as she answered.

"valhalla. odin didn't deem y/n worthy enough to be with us," eir sniffed harshly, a hand coming up to wipe her nose. the valkyrie cleared her throat, fixing her trench coat over her body. "her wings will grow back when she truly needs them. it will be a painful process, but i am sure that you will be with her, xavier thorpe."

before xavier could protest, eir already left, leaving nothing that even showed that she had arrived in the first place.

you woke up without that familiar weight on your back.

your hands shook as you reached behind you, a whimper leaving your lips when you were met with your clipped wings.

and with that, you screamed again. nurses and doctors alike rushed into your room. you fought them all off, your recuperating strength almost no match for all of them at once. like a wild animal, you shoved them all off, your cries of horror being carried out into the pale hallways of the hospital.

"who did this to me?" you demanded, "who did this to me?!" your eyes burned red with tears as you fought against their restraints. tears streamed down your face as you wailed for the wings that had been so cruelly taken from you. the one thing that provided you peace and tranquil was mercilessly torn away from your hold, like a child whose mother was ripped away from them.

you knew you were lucky enough to still have the roots of your wings intact. that meant it could grow, but you had seen how painful wing regrowth was. how the sickening crunch of a wing being forcefully regrown brought on unimaginable pain.

but wing regrowth only happened when it needed to happen.

your punches and kicks were rendered into nothing as a doctor put a syringe into your neck, and the world went black again.

you were dispatched the next day, as your wings had miraculously healed their cuts. they were small and useless now, nothing more than an ornament you held on your back. they couldn't fold into your back anymore, only folding close to your body as you walked down the hallway of the hospital.

deep eye bags hung under your eyes as you roamed the hospital like a ghost. nurses, doctors, visitors, and patients alike watched you in awe, for in their eyes, all they saw was an angel with clipped wings. but you paid them no mind, too numb and too exhausted to care as you arrived in the doorway of a patient. your hand held a singular sunflower.

eugene's room was bare, but had a small mason jar of honey that someone from nevermore had brought. it brought a smile to your face to see it, but your smile didn't last when you landed on eugene's form.

the glow was soft around him, almost barely visible in the sunlight that shone over his body through the window. but you saw the golden particles that surrounded him; the gods were still deciding whether he would stay or he would go.

"you're y/n."

you turned around, eyes widening when you saw his moms. "i.. i just wanted to visit him—" you swallowed thickly, looking back at eugene's body. the machine on his nose and mouth that helped him breathe and the scars that littered his face made those familiar tears start up again.

you did this to him. you didn't protect him.

"i'm sue, this is janet," sue said softly, placing a small beehive sculpture onto a nearby table. she looked at you with a soft smile, taking in your weakened form. "honey, are you okay?"

"i'm so," you swallowed, avoiding their gaze as you felt the tears start up again, "i'm so sorry."

wordlessly, one of his moms stepped forward and engulfed you in her arms. your arms were dead at your sides, the guilt rippling through your body like crashing waves as janet wrapped her arms around you too.

they held you so tight. so tight.

"he talks about you and wednesday all the time," sue laughed as she and janet finally pulled away from you, "he always talked about how cool he thought you were."

you smiled, shaking your head to yourself. "he reminds me a lot of the friends i made in my foster homes," you said softly, looking at eugene fondly.

he was like a little brother you never had.

"thank you."

you furrowed your brows in confusion at that, turning your head towards janet. "what for?"

"for protecting him." janet looked at your wings, nothing but empathy in her eyes.

you clenched your jaw, the words doing nothing to calm the turmoil of guilt in your mind. but after a second you forced a tight lipped smile. "i have to go— weems is waiting for me outside." you moved past them awkwardly, avoiding their gaze. "i'll visit him as often as i can."

you retrieved your things from the hospital on your way out. your leather jacket was all fixed, to your surprise, and you pulled it over yourself before you walked out to the hospital parking lot. with your items in a box— you silently wondered who had brought a variety of your mugs and the orchid, as the other gifts were obviously from your roommates— you walked out of the hospital. weems stood next to her car, her outfit, hair, and makeup as perfect as ever. but even in her usually unreadable eyes, you saw sympathy.

you didn't like sympathy.

"it's nice to see that you are strong once again, y/n," weems commented, and you only forced a tight lipped smile.

"yeah. i guess the gods didn't think it was my time yet," you said dryly, already making your way into the passenger seat of the car.

the ride to nevermore was silent, as you weren't really in the mood to socialize with anyone. you simply watched the forest pass you by from the window.

"when we return to nevermore, it will be the beginning of parent's weekend," weems interrupted your contented silence, "i suggest you keep eugene's condition under wraps as to not cause panic."

"to not cause panic?" you echoed in disbelief, turning to the principal with a skeptic look, "principal weems, he's in the icu—"

"keep it under wraps, y/n." even with such a bright smile on her face, weems was able to sound borderline threatening.

the car came to a stop outside of nevermore. the second it was parked, you were already making your way out of the car and into the quad.

the entire quad was full of students' parents and family. you swore that you had never seen the quad so full of people from all over the world. parents, grandparents, siblings, even uncles and aunts all surrounded their kids as they all talked and caught each other up.

your wings ruffled gently under the confines of your leather jacket, still fairly weak. you didn't make your entrance grand, instead opting to stay near the the side of the quad and away from others as you observed them all.

a pang of envy hit your body when you watched everyone with their families. as much as you wanted to play off that you thought parent's weekend was cheesy, you wished that some of your family would make time to show up.

a part of you wished that your father would appear, but that was just the inner child in you talking. you had only ever seen him twice in your life; once when he pulled you out of your orphanage, and the second when he left an entire empty apartment to you. he paid the expenses, but he never visited.

"y/n?" enid's voice made you jump in surprise before you were practically tackled into a hug, her werewolf strength making you hit the wall gently.

"hey, hey; i'm strong but not as strong as i usually am," you managed a laugh, gently pulling enid's arms away from where your wings were hidden.

you didn't know why you were suddenly so embarrassed to show your wings now. maybe it was because it was a huge sign that you lost a fight. maybe it showed just how weak you really were; you didn't know. but feeling enid's hand brush against your wings from over the jacket made you want to hide your wings even more.

you used to be proud of them.

"why didn't you tell us that you were back?" enid asked, almost tearful as she held your shoulders. she looked so worried your original idea of keeping to yourself was hindered for just a second.

"i didn't want to make a scene." you managed a smile as wednesday appeared behind enid. her facade fell ever so slightly, her cold eyes softening as she looked at you.

"i did not doubt that you would fully recuperate in time for this horrible weekend. you have shown yourself to be quite a sadist," wednesday stated, glancing briefly at the other parents in the quad. she swallowed thickly before nodding her head once. "thank you for being there for eugene."

your eyebrows raised at her sudden sincerity. this was the first time you had ever seen her like this, and you nudged her gently as you stood between her and enid. "don't go soft on me, addams. we still have a monster to find."

the sound of weems clearing her throat in the mic made the three of you look up at her. her warm was as bright as ever as she addressed all the family in the quad. you didn't care enough to listen to her words as enid began to talk to you.

"the monster hadn't attacked anyone for the past week," enid said, "maybe you finally scared it off, y/n."

"maybe," you mumbled, "or maybe it's just regaining its strength to finish off the job."

"i realize most of you have heard about the unfortunate incident involving two of our students," weems said into the microphone, making you look up in shock.

she better not.

"but i'm happy to report that eugene is on the mend and is expected to make a full recovery, while y/n has already arrived back from the hospital," her arm stretched out towards where you stood with enid and wednesday.

oh, how you wished you could fly away from everyone's stares. you shifted uncomfortably at the smiles you received from strangers and classmates alike, the sudden spotlight fresh from you arrival from the hospital making you nothing short of embarrassed and annoyed.

"so let's try to focus on the positive and make this weekend the best parent's weekend yet!" weems' smile grew, and claps rippled through the crowd in agreement.

"on the mend? try in a coma," wednesday grumbled under her breath, making you nod and shove your hands into your pockets.

"i'm the reason he's in the hospital," you murmured, primarily to yourself. guilt stained your tone bitterly as you forced yourself to stop pondering about your lack of action.

"that is not your fault, okay?" enid said softly, her usually bright eyes darkening with concern. she turned to wednesday, "you stop beating yourself up over it, too."

"maybe the reason why the monster hasn't been seen is because of this weekend," wednesday said dryly, her expression only darkening at the entrance of her family.

you wouldn't lie, they all fit each other's aesthetic very well.

"i knew i should have worn my plague mask," wednesday practically seethed, already dreading the upcoming socializing she would have to do.

enid tsked, nodding over to her own family. her nose scrunched in slight embarrassment. "would you look at my family?" her mom and dad stood a few feet away from their rowdy boys, who were jumping around the picnic table wildly. "talk about toxic pack mentality," enid sighed, "i give my mom 30 seconds before her judge-y claws come out."

you and wednesday looked at enid with concern, who only let out a slow exhale before forcing a smile. "let's get this over with." she looked at you with a small tilt of her head. "are your sisters coming to parents weekend, y/n?"

"no," you responded curtly, backing away from your roommates. "i'll leave you both to it, though. good luck."

you watched on from the walls of the quad, your arms crossed over each other as you watched on from your brooding corner. everyone seemed happy enough to have their family around.

your eyes drifted up to the second level of the quad, and your eyes met familiar green ones again.

his face was unreadable as he looked at you. you sent him an awkward wave that quickly fell when you noticed bianca standing next to him. but she seemed equally as down as you were, so you awkwardly waved to her as well.

you watched them both talk, bianca obviously bothered by what xavier was saying, until she turned around to a woman wearing gold reptile clothing. she looked shocked, to see her, to say the least, almost like a deer in headlights. your eyes followed xavier as he left bianca with her mom, a sigh leaving your lips as you focused your attention to the families in front of you again.

the amount of family togetherness made you want to cry and throw up all at the same time.

you began to walk away from the quad, wordlessly moving past people like a ghost. you didn't want to stop and chat no more than you already had. you didn't have the energy to force yourself to be civil when you felt nothing but self blame, guilt, and anger for what had happened over the last week.

but most of all, as you walked out to the archery range and felt the wind blow gently against you, you felt grief. because you wanted nothing more than to feel that wind under your wings.

your hands were clenching and unclenching, your chest heaving as you desperately tried to calm yourself. you found yourself too deep in your thoughts to think straight, too guilty to talk to others who obviously cared about you, too angry for feeling so weak that you wanted to do nothing but destroy. you wanted to destroy that monster for leaving a 13 year old kid in the hospital, fighting for his life. you wanted to destroy the monster the same way he destroyed your wings.

you walked towards the rack of bows, hands working on their own as you grabbed them and one of the quivers, carelessly hoisting it over your back as you stood in front of an array of targets.

you loaded a bow in and pulled it back, aiming for a mere second before you let it fly. it hit the middle of the target with a thump, but you were already loading another into the bow. you let each arrow fly carelessly, so desperate for some kind of escape from your mind. from the memories of the mauling not even a full week ago, of you being carelessly thrown around while eugene screamed for help.

how pathetic was it, that you wanted to help eugene but couldn't even help yourself?

you never wanted that to happen to anyone else again. you were so close to experiencing the pain your sisters had told you about— the pain of being too attached only to lose them moments after.

you had to stay away.

"y/n."

another arrow in the middle, cutting through the last.

"y/n, stop."

you reached for another arrow, mindlessly loading it into the bow.

"are you even listening to me?" a hand grabbed your shoulder, and you immediately walked back and turned towards the person, the arrow pointed right at their heart.

xavier raised both of his hands in surrender, worry ghosting over his face as he looked at you in concern. "it's me," he breathed, eyes trailing down to the unwavering arrow. ever so gently, he took a step towards you and pushed the arrow aside so that it pointed away from him. "it's me," he repeated, green eyes boring into yours as you swallowed thickly.

you let the bow fall at your side, the arrow easily dropping to the ground.

"don't do that," you muttered, turning your eyes away from him first, to his surprise.

" 'm sorry," xavier couldn't help but say, the apology slipping past his lips before he could exchange it with a snarky comment. he exhaled slowly, taking a step towards you as you looked at the damage you had done to the archery target. "you shouldn't be training."

"why not?" you huffed, walking away from him to place the quiver and bow back.

"you know fully well why not," xavier said in exasperation, walking quickly after you. he knew you wouldn't stupid; you were just avoiding the idea that you simply weren't strong enough. "you need to be resting."

"you need to let me be."

"i'm not going to."

"and why is that?" you snapped, that familiar glare meeting his eyes. "you think that after that night suddenly our entire relationship has changed—"

"i held you while you were bleeding," xavier seethed, and you stepped towards him, stabbing an accusatory finger at him.

"you stopped me from getting to eugene."

xavier chuckled in disbelief, your words making him shake his head. he was sure that it was just the attack speaking; you were obviously still on edge over the whole thing, but he had to admit, to hear you be so mean hurt him. "do you know how much blood you lost?"

you opened your mouth to fire back, but xavier stopped you.

"it was everywhere, y/n. and your wings.." his eyes drifted to the leather jacket that covered you, your wings hidden under them. "your wings looked horrible."

your pained gaze left his eyes as you looked up at the sky, feeling that familiar pressure behind your eyes.

"thornhill had to cut them to bring you to the hospital," xavier continued, making your sadness slip away for a moment for it to be replaced with anger. but xavier saw it. "don't blame her for it, y/n."

"i feel like blaming everything right now," you said with a joyless laugh, "i feel like.. burning everything."

xavier looked at you, observing the way your turmoil was finally shining through the cracks of the walls you had built. "do you wanna go on a walk with me? you don't need to say anything— i know that you're definitely not in the mood for a conversation but.. i don't want you committing arson."

you couldn't help the small smile that tugged on your lips at that, xavier's eyes softening when he saw the genuine smile. his heart tugged in his chest when he looked at you; not out of sympathy, but out of something else unexplainable.

the both of you began to walk around the school grounds, the ambiance of nature being the only noise between the both of you. every time you approached the woods, xavier found himself moving to the side of where the woods were, walking along the border so that you didn't have to.

"i met your sister two days ago."

"you what?" you couldn't help but say, eyebrows raising. "they actually visited?"

there it was again, that tug in xavier's chest. "why are you so surprised?" he couldn't help but ask, but he continued anyway, "it was only one of them— eir," he listened to you sigh and murmur a small, 'of course it was,' before he proceeded, "and it was the first time she visited in that entire week."

"how are you so sure?"

"because wednesday, enid, and i visited you every day." xavier could feel your eyes on him. his cheeks burned red at the small confession, but he played it off, saying, "i got mad at her."

you swatted his arm in response, making xavier wince as he rubbed your mark. "stop interfering with my family matters," you scolded coldly, and he groaned at your words.

"fine, it'll be the first and last time, but that was the first time she ever visited. your father didn't even come."

"eir has always been the one that visited. she's never visited a lot but," you sighed, "she was always there. odin would never go." your tone was bitter as you kicked at a bunch of dry leaves on the ground.

"i understand." you looked at xavier curiously, and he took it as a sign to continue. "my dad told me in a text that he wouldn't make it to this year's parent's weekend," a forced, tight lipped smile appeared on his face, "he hasn't gone to all the others, so.. i don't really know what i expected."

you stayed quiet at that. you knew how that felt, to want a parent's presence and always be turned down. it was as though you were nothing but a burden to them. but silently, you weighed your options of opening up to xavier. you didn't want to get attached.

you wouldn't get attached.

"did eir talk to you?" you asked, changing the subject quickly. you didn't want to get into the nitty-gritty about your father when you barely knew him. he existed, you knew that much, but it was as though he was a figment of your imagination. like an imaginary friend that appeared only when they wanted to.

"she did," xavier nodded, looking ahead of him. it was a particularly cloudy day today, and the sun barely shone through all the thick clouds that hung in the air.

"about?"

"you." he listened to your groan, a fond smile gracing his face at the sound. "i think i learned more about you from her than i have from you."

"eir and her big mouth," you muttered under your breath. "well? what'd she say?"

"that you were the youngest of the ten," xavier began, "that you were always attracted to trouble—" he watched as you opened your mouth to protest, only for him to interrupt you, "don't even try and argue when you know it's right."

you shut your mouth and let him continue.

"and," the words ran around in his head as he chose them carefully, knowing that it would be a sensitive subject to bring up. but he pushed himself over the edge to say it. "that every home was war for you."

your jaw clenched, the immediate subject of your various home lives making you immediately close in on yourself. it was as though you could feel all of your walls strengthen at the comment, all to fight against xavier.

"you don't need to tell me more if you don't want to," xavier stated, and with that, the walls fell again.

"good."

you both continued your walk in silence. whether it was uncomfortable or comfortable, you didn't know, but you were silently thankful for it. you didn't feel particularly conversational.

but you found yourself being more curious about xavier. if anything, he was as guarded as you were— what a hypocrite. but maybe you were a hypocrite too.

"do you still think i'm the monster?"

you couldn't look him in the eye. but you know those green eyes of his were staring at you in hope that someone believed he was innocent. you didn't look him in the eye as you responded with a, "i don't know who it is."

xavier sighed, his shoulders falling at that. he didn't know how to convince you or wednesday that he was innocent— you were both far too stubborn to even hear him out. oftentimes, he heard wednesday's accusatory voice yell at him much like she did the night of you and eugene's attack.

"i'm sure you aren't fairing too well after the attack, either," you commented, changing the subject yet again. "how do you feel?"

"honestly?" xavier sighed heavily, "i can't get the feeling of your blood on my hands."

a spark of guilt ran through your body. "i'm sorry," you mumbled, the apology barely audible. but the wind carried it to xavier's ears, to which he could only shake his head in response.

"it isn't your fault," xavier said firmly, turning his head to look at you. but your head was focused on your shoes as though it was the most interesting thing in the world. he nudged your shoulder gently. "i mean it, y/n. besides— i've been using art to cope with all of it."

your eyebrows raised in curiosity. you guessed that his primary muse was the monster; you were right, but xavier knew that he had pages full of you and only you.

if anything, you had been his muse almost as much as the monster.

"can i see some of it?" xavier's skeptical look made your eyes widen, "not for evidence! gods, i just want to see."

you looked around xavier's dorm in interest as he shut the door behind you. he had kept rowan's side of the dorm just as he had left it; it seemed as though he was stopping himself from adding items to rowan's side.

there were two easels set up near his desk; one of them was covered by a sheet, while the other was the unfinished painting of the monster. your throat dried as you peered into its crimson eyes and its long claws; the same claws that hooked under your skin as though you were nothing but a piece of meat. your fists clenched and unclenched involuntarily— a small sign of your nervousness as you continued to stare at the painting.

but your trance was broken when xavier turned the canvas so that its back side was towards you. "this is how i cope, remember that," he told you, and you found yourself nodding. "that wasn't what i wanted you to see," xavier said, his cheeks burning red as he turned to the other easel. swiftly, he pulled the blanket off of the painting. "this was."

it was you.

the sketch he had done of you prior was now alive on the easel— literally. your wings were flapping behind you as you flied high in the sky. the armor you wore shone as the nearby moon hit it, and your helmet seemed to glint under the stars. your wingspan was huge, reaching from one side of the canvas to the other side. he paid so much attention to detail that you could see the familiar pattern of brown on your feathers you looked so powerful. so mighty.

but to see it in front of you after knowing what you've lost, you couldn't help but turn around immediately. "i have to go," you managed through the lump in your throat. you moved past xavier, his face falling as he reached out to hold your shoulder before you could leave, his hand brushing against the top of your wings over your jacket.

"wait—"

you immediately pulled your shoulder away as though he had burned you. you looked almost scared as you stared at him, your eyes misting over in tears.

gods, you really needed to get yourself together.

"i.. i appreciate the painting. i really do— but when i look at it," you exhaled sharply, unable to finish your sentence. you glanced at it, taking in how powerful you looked. how your wings were a symbol for many that everything would be okay. how you looked so strong. "it reminds me that..i don't look like that anymore."

xavier's brows were furrowed as he looked at you. your words hung heavy in the air, and you were almost too ashamed to look at him.

" 'm sorry," you laughed, looking up at the ceiling as you blinked your tears away. xavier walked closer to you as you did. "you're a creep, actually, for making paintings like that. i honestly expected it to be of wednes.." your words died in your throat when you felt his hands hold your face gently, pulling your head down to look at him.

xavier didn't say anything as he used his thumbs to wipe away your tears. he touched you, someone who was so accustomed to war, as though you were delicate. his green eyes studied you as you looked at him, your eyes drifting down to his barely parted lips.

and as he held your face between his hands, he kissed you. not in the way he had before. he kissed you as though he was telling you something that only you would understand. as though every slide of his lips against yours was another promise.

but you ignored those promises, because to you, promises would only be broken. because you didn't want to promise yourself to another if it meant that you could lose them in the end.

xavier pulled away from you, his forehead pressed against yours as he looked at your features. he was looking at you like you were his favorite painting. it was as though you had been sculpted by such a tender hand that part of him couldn't believe that you were truly here in front of him.

"i want you to make me feel better." the request fell out of your lips before you could catch it. it was barely audible, like a whisper in the wind, but xavier heard all of it.

xavier only nodded, and you both met in the middle again. the kiss, once so composed and gentle, became more passionate as you felt him under your touch. his hands held your face as he kissed you over and over, as though your taste alone was addicting. and to xavier, it was.

your hands ran through under his shirt as you found yourself on his bed yet again. you pulled it over his head before the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed, making him fall back. xavier quickly used his elbows to raise the upper half of his body to look at you. a frown tugged at his lips as he fully sat up, bringing you closer to him.

you sat on your knees on the space in front of him. your eyes were on his as his hands gently want to the zipper of your leather jacket. you gripped his wrist before he could pull it down, nervousness evident in your eyes. you took in a breath before you used your hand to guide his hand down to fully unzip your jacket.

his hands paused before he could fully pull it off of you. "may i?" xavier asked softly, waiting patiently for your response. when you nodded, he shook his head, murmuring, "i need you to say it. i want you to be sure."

"take off my jacket, xavier," you said, never pulling your eyes from his. your stare only fell when you felt your wings flutter out of the confines of the jacket; they were weak enough to not be as responsive as they usually were. xavier let out a slow exhale when his eyes trailed from your clipped wings to the three neatly-stitched scratches on your back, the memory still fresh in his mind.

"you're so beautiful," xavier breathed, his fingers feather light as he traced your tattoo.

if your fear for love didn't burn so strongly, then maybe you would've found yourself seeing him in a different light.

but you found yourself yearning for something else entirely.

xavier's lips met yours again as you pushed him so that his upper body was propped up against the headboard. you straddled him, his eyes looking up at you innocently. you throw your shirt over your head before leaning down to kiss him again. you rocked your hips against his, reveling in the low moan that he let out into your mouth. you felt him through his jeans, distracting him from kissing you properly as another groan left his mouth.

you lips left his, leaving a single line of saliva between you. your mouth met his neck, leaving open mouthed kisses along his skin that made him whine for more. your hand found its home at the base of his neck, squeezing ever so lightly.

"i thought i was supposed to be taking care of you," xavier said with a breathless laugh that quickly turned into a groan when he felt you press down against him again.

"you are," you mumbled, pulling at his pants.

xavier helped you take his pants off along with yours, both of you in your underwear as you kissed him again. he could feel how wet you were with every rock of your hips against his cock.

"i want you," you whispered against his mouth. you felt his hands trail down your body, mapping every inch of you under his fingertips. his fingers hooked under your underwear, stretching the elastic before letting it slap against your skin. he pulled it to the side, allowing his fingers to rub your wetness around, your small moan being swallowed by his mouth.

xavier hummed against your lips, pulling away for a second to whisper, "you have me."

another empty promise.

your eyes darkened at that. you pulled his cock out of his underwear, teasing his tip along your pussy to gather up its wetness. xavier's eyes were half lidded as he looked up at you, cheeks flushed as he bucked his hips up desperately. "patient," you scolded, before you sank fully onto his cock. the both of you gasped at the feeling, your hands on his chest as you allowed yourself to get used to his size. you shifted slowly, a low moan leaving his lips as his head fell back.

steadily, you moved up and down his dick, reveling in the feeling of being so fucking full. but you couldn't look away from him as you worked up and down; how his hands held your waist to guide you, how your body moved so fluidly against his, how his long hair framed his face so perfectly. his rosy lips were parted, letting out a whine when you slid down slowly, the pace almost unbearable but so so good.

"pretty boy," you said, your hips moving back and forth. you watched a sinful smile appear on his face at that. the glow from the sex only made him so much more beautiful under your gaze, as though he was the angel and not you. and how lewd was he to smile so sinfully as you fucked him. "so fucking pretty."

"y/n, move faster," xavier said, eyes pleading as he looked up at you. he was taking in every part of you; your heaving chest, the sweat that was misted along your skin, the way you looked at him. he was so addicted to you that it almost felt as though he felt something.

your hips followed his request, his eyes rolling back again when you began to ride him faster. your moans only spurred him to buck his hips up in time with you, the added pressure nothing short of delicious as you felt him hit that spot in you that made you see stars. "xavier," you moaned, and he fucked you harder.

"say my name again," xavier murmured, leaning forward to kiss your neck feverishly. you moaned his name again, feeling him leave marks in his wake. like water color, he painted you purple as you moved like water under his fingertips. so fluidly, your hips moved together, the friction borderline delicious as you chased your high.

the knot in your stomach was almost too much to bear, your moans raising in volume as you felt xavier bite down on your shoulder, hiding a particularly loud groan that threatened to leave him. "so beautiful," you heard him mumble, too high off of sex to make a comprehensible sentence. "gon' cum jus' for you," he continued, hands rubbing your hips and holding you close.

your head flew back as you finally came, your eyes rolling back as the pleasure surged through you. your hips continued to move as xavier's hands moved you back and forth, letting you ride him through your orgasm. xavier's lewd noises were muffled in your neck as he came right after you, spilling his cum into you and feeling it leak down.

ever so slowly, he raised you off of him, and moved you to lay down next to him. he peppered light kisses over the hickeys what decorated your skin, his fingers moving some of your hair out of the way as he allowed you to bury your head into his pillow. you looked at him, eyes unreadable as you left a lingering kiss at the corner of his lips.

and with that, you turned away from him to sleep.

by the time you woke, you felt his skin against yours. your hand had found itself holding onto his wrist gently as his arm stayed draped over your body. like a drum, his pulse thumped against the pads of your fingertips, strong and steady. you felt his soft breathing brush against the nape of your neck as he slept soundly.

you gently pushed his arm off of you, letting it fall behind you as you sat up at the edge of his bed. you looked up at the moon that shone through his window, your heart aching at the sight of it.

how you wished to fly close to the moon again.

your eyes floated over to the little details in xavier's room. the photos of him, rowan, and ajax, all smiling at the camera. an photo of a younger and enid, with enid on his back. doodles that ranges from cartoonish to realistic, all pinned up messily above his desk.

a page from his sketchbook of wednesday, playing her cello. now of all the pieces of art he had on the wall, he seemed to have paid attention to her's the most.

"why aren't you resting?" his soft voice brought you away form your thoughts, grounding you to the earth. he shifted behind you, the bed moving in his wake as he propped his head up on his arm. you were looking away from him, oblivious to the pained way he was looking at your clipped wings. the cut had already fully healed thanks to your godly blood, but the scars from the monster remained on your back.

"i have to go," you managed to say, turning back at him. xavier looked so drowsy, his eyes slowly blinking as he struggled to stay awake, but his green irises were alert as ever. your eyes followed each mark you had left on his skin like a constellation that only you knew of, the blooming purple nothing short of sinful.

"this means nothing, right?" his question was asked before he could stop it. it had been on his mind even before he had closed his eyes. he had gotten an intense feeling of deja vu as he asked you the question, knowing fully well that you had said something similar when you first slept together.

"right," you murmured in response. it was as though you were both signing a strict agreement that day. no strings. no feelings. only empty promises.

"i don't understand why i'm being invited."

"because it's a girl's night, silly!" enid smiled brightly, fixiing the snood she made for you over your head. it was an off white color; one that matched your color palette (enid's words, not yours). "and no one's seen you out of the dorm for a week unless it's for class. everyone's been worried."

for most of the week, you had kept to yourself. you didn't have the full energy to converse with others, and you hadn't been speaking to anyone for no longer than a few minutes; even xavier. but you needed time to recuperate before devoting your time to killing some monster and solving a murder.

your wings were strong enough to fully disappear into your back now. but it had been far too long since anyone had seen any sight of them. you guessed that you were forcing yourself to get used to the feeling of them being in your back forever; if you didn't have all your wings, then you might as well not have them at all.

wednesday had caught you up on what had happened during your week of rest and relaxation, telling you all about garrett gates and crackstone. in the same way she caught you up, you caught her up on what happened the night of the attack.

"i didn't get to see much before the explosion. i covered eugene with my wings because i was scared debris would fly at us."

wednesday looked down at the taxidermy kit her parents had given her. her surprise party was the night prior, and you had to say that you did a pretty good job at acting unsuspicious (though, you and enid kept sending each other excited looks all night).

enid, because she believed every birthday should be celebrated. you, because you couldn't wait to see how miserable wednesday would look when given a party.

but it was interrupted by a vision; one that wednesday had told you about moments prior.

"but someone definitely knew that we had gone in there with eugene earlier. whoever it was, they knew about the monster and was either covering for them or was covering their own tracks because they were the monster," you twirled a knife in your hands absentmindedly. fidgeting helped you think. "i think that we shouldn't rule out the possibility of there being an accomplice, but i'm gonna be honest— with weems covering for rowan's murder," your words turned bitter as you spoke about weems. the anger you had towards her for covering up a murder and not allowing rowan's friends to properly grieve still ran heavily through you. "i wouldn't be surprised if she knew something about the monster."

"besides, aren't you excited that it was wednesday's idea? i mean, she rarely does this— i guess it's because it's her birthday today." the werewolf was practically jumping on the ceiling from excitement, her hands moving passionately with her words as she walked away from you to talk to wednesday.

"wednesday's idea?" you echoed, your brows furrowing at the thought of wednesday addams planning a girl's night. you walked to your closet and grabbed your holster for your dagger.

just in case.

you knew you were smart enough to bring it, because you found yourself stopping as you opened the car to what you believed was your uber driver, only to see tyler staring at you in disbelief. "since when were you an uber driver?" you asked with furrowed brows, climbing into the car and shutting the door behind you.

"since never?" tyler responded, equally as confused as you as his eyes darted between you and enid in the backseat and wednesday sitting coldly in the passenger's seat.

"wait— you're our uber driver?" enid asked confusedly, turning to wednesday for answers.

"why do you keep asking that— i thought we were going on a date." tyler too looked at wednesday for answers.

"we thought it was a girls' night out!" enid explained, her look of disbelief slowly turning into one of realization. there was no girls' night out.

"there's been a change of plans," wednesday said curtly, not even looking at them.

"what's with the weird matching hoodie scarf things?" tyler asked, making you send him a warning glare.

"don't ask," you stated, your tone enough to make him shut up.

the gates tyler drove up to were overgrown and much too rusty; it practically screamed tetanus. fog obstructed your view of what was beyond the gate, as did the overgrown plants. you found yourself standing right at the front of the gate, looking up at the top of it.

if you had your wings, you could've just flown over.

"this isn't what i signed up for," tyler protested as wednesday began to pick the lock, his eyes nothing short of concerned as he only watched her pick the lock easily.

"ditto!" enid cried out, obviously terrified, "and i bet y/n didn't sign up for this either she's literally healing from getting attacked!"

"i'm healed," you corrected, your lips tugging into a frown as you turned to wednesday. "you should've just asked us to come along instead of getting their hopes up," you muttered to her, your tone only mildly annoyed.

"you knew that if i was planning something for my birthday, i wouldn't celebrate it with a dinner or a surprise party," wednesday said pointedly, not even fazed by tyler and enid's complaints, " if you didn't, then you wouldn't have packed your dagger. i want to do this."

"y/n's right—" tyler said with a nod, "you should've just asked us, not tricked us."

"if you want to go, you can." wednesday gave them a look before pullling out a flashlight. "i'm going to check out the garage."

the entire mansion was overgrown with ivy and vines, doing little to calm the hard beating of your heart. it looked as though there hadn't been anyone in and out of the area in years; which made sense, since supposedly all the gates family members either left or died.

"it's, uh, nice to see you're all better."

you turned to tyler, who was walking behind you. his flashlight was in his hands, illuminating the small smile on his face. but that smile quickly faltered when he saw the skepticism on your features. "wednesday told me about the wings," he added in explanation, watching as your skeptic look turned to a stone cold one. it was as though the mention of your wings left you numb once again. but tyler's eyes were still on you, observing you quietly.

"right. thanks."

the door rattled as wednesday struggled against it. she frustratedly tried to pull one last time, only to huff angrily when it refused to budge.

"let me try," enid said, walking closer and putting her flashlight in her pocket. with one strong pull, the door flew open, making enid's lips tilt upwards into a smile. but the look of shock wednesday gave her made her chuckle embarrassedly. "werewolf thing."

you reached for a nearby light switch as you entered. eerily, the light began to flicker as it illuminated the garage, focusing on a car that was parked right under it. it was covered by a sheet.

the the most confusing thing that you could see about it was that it looked spotless. even the cover looked as though it was recently used— not like the rest of the house.

wednesday pulled the cover swiftly, revealing a blue cadillac. "this is the car that ran the cadillac over," she breathed, and enid whimpered out of fear.

"this just took a horribly dark turn," the blonde said worriedly, her hand pointing towards tyler as she continued, "we need to call tyler's dad right freaking now."

"why?' wednesday asked, turning to enid, "so he an take me back to nevermore and get me expelled? it's not gonna happen." the pig tailed girl walked to the door that led into the house without another look.

"stay close," you told enid as you walked after wednesday, enid nodding as she followed behind you.

"how can she be so stubborn? i mean, all we wanted was a girls' night out!" enid's voice raised an octave due to her fear, her arm coming up to hook under your's.

the door creaked open as you entered it with enid close in tow. her flashlight moved around the abandoned hallway, the dust creating a layer of gray everywhere you looked. it was as though the house was left to rot and decay on its own. there were still photos of the gates hung up on the walls, all smiling at the camera. you let your hand run along the walls that peeled like a snake.

you found yourself in an office of sorts, decorated with an old t.v, a desk, a sofa, and a chair. the chandelier that one illuminated the room had fallen onto the desk. but what truly caught your eye was the painting of the gates. they were all positioned professionally and painted with a delicate hand; so delicate, that it seemed as though their eyes were following your every step. your eyes narrowed as enid and wednesday's flashlight focused on garret gates, who stood proudly next to his mother in front of a background of flowers.

"the tacky painting is fitting for a bunch of outcast haters," you murmured to enid, but primarily to yourself as you observed them all.

you followed wednesday as she walked into the library. cobwebs upon cobwebs covered the table like a sheet, creating multiple layers with the dust. antique items of all sorts were toppled over and rendered lifeless in what you would have considered a beautiful room. you looked at the titles of all the books, your eyes trailing up to follow wednesday's flashlight. it was shining directly on an area that had no dust and no cobwebs; the top of a mahogany wall design right between the books.

wednesday reached up and pressed on it, and the mechanisms from within the door began to click and move. one of the library shelves pressed in and moved to the side, revealing a shrine for no one other than joseph crackstone. at the sides, someone had written 'blood will rain when i rise,' in red marker; you knew that it wasn't real blood. you looked closer, frowning at the sight of multiple candles that littered the small shelf below the pilgrim's painting.

"you'd think that of all the things they'd worship, they'd worship someone that isn't a colonizer," you said with a judgmental look. but to say that you were surprised that a family who hated anyone remotely different would idolize a colonizer would be a lie.

"who doesn't have a spooky built-in alter in their family library?" enid managed out with a hesitant smile.

"our is in the living room. more seating for year-long dia de los muertos," wednesday mumbled, watching as you reached forward to press a candle wick between your fingers. you pressed another wick between your fingers. your face dropped at the heat you felt from both.

"they're still warm," you told the others, hearing enid's uncomfortable whimper.

"tyler, you search the ground floor. enid, y/n, and i will search upstairs," wednesday ordered, glaring at tyler when he looked at her skeptically. "what?"

"why can't y/n stay on the ground floor?"

"scared?" you couldn't help but ask, rolling your eyes as you crossed your arms over your chest.

"she is the second person who knows the most about what is going on," wednesday said curtly, looking at tyler with narrowed eyes, "or do you need her protection?"

tyler raised his hands in surrender. "fine! jus' seems unfair, that's all."

wednesday only huffed before turning around, already making her way to the stairs.

"sad, isn't it?" you said sarcastically, moving to follow wednesday and enid as they began to walk back down the hall. you were careful not too make too much noise as you walked up the stairs, as you could hear some of the steps groan under your feet.

you walked behind wednesday and enid, looking up the walls and further up ahead to assure your temporary safety. wednesdsay came to a stop at the top of the steps, turning to the both of you. "you go left, enid and i go right."

"do you seriously want to split up? here?" enid asked frantically, her voice falling to a harsh whisper as she said, "that is literally how every best friend dies in a horror movie."

"i'll be fine. don't worry about me." you briskly turned around to search the left side of the upper floor, your hand floating over the holster of your dagger as you peeked into every room. but it seemed as though every room was rotten and decaying; bed frames were slanted off of the walls, rooms were left to the rats and spiders, and the strong smell of asbestos wafted all throughout the house.

but the longer you walkers, the more you felt as though something was wrong. something was horribly off in the house, and it wasn't the evident racism against outcasts or the fact that they had a shrine.

you peeked into the last room down the hall, your face falling at the sudden neatness of it all. it was as if every room was hit by a tornado except for this one, leaving it spotless. the pink sheets of the bed seemed washed, as did the rug that sat on the ground. not a speck of dust remained on any of the furniture, showing off how well it had been taken care of. on the side table of the bed sat a vase full of pastel pink roses.

"guys!" you called behind your shoulder, reaching out a hand to touch the roses gently. they were still fresh; not a single sign of death.

wednesday and enid ran in, their faces equally as shocked as yours as they began to poke around. enid went up next to you, gazing at the roses in thought. "these are really new," she commented, making you nod as you turned to everything else in the room.

"most of the things in here have been taken care of. even the sheets and the rug have been washed." you ran your hand down the sheets of the bed, the fabric soft under your touch.

"this is laurel gates' room," wednesday said, her eyes set on a music box. you and enid approached her, peering over her shoulders as she shone her flashlight on the embossed 'l.g.' on the outside of the box. a ballerina stood proudly inside of the open music box for all to see.

"looked like somebody moved back into their old room," enid said, her face now in what seemed like a permanent frown.

"not possible— she died 25 years ago. drowned overseas."

you placed your hand on the table where the music box sat, silently catching the attention of your roommates. you raised a finger to your lips, your hairs standing up straight as the sound of objects clattering reached all of your ears. "we have to go," you said firmly, unsheathing your dagger as you walked quickly to the doorway, peeking in both sides before motioning for them to follow.

wednesday nodded, grabbing the ballerina box as she took enid's hand and dragged her along to follow you. enid's complaint of, "this is officially the worst girls' night ever!" didn't distract you from finding a way out of the house.

"guys! get out! it's here!" tyler's panicked yell was muffled by the floors of the house. the three of you made a beeline for the stairs, fully ready to go down, until the familiar sound of claws slashing skin made you stop the other two.

the sight of the monster's shadow made your blood run cold. its claws were as sharp as you remembered it, and you found yourself gripping your dagger as hard as ever as you felt the feeling of being pierced through your back like a meat in a freezer. those long nails, sharped than daggers, were in your back only a week and a half prior.

they were the same claws that brought eugene into a coma.

and you almost found yourself giving into the impulse of revenge. the impulse that wanted you to dig your dagger into the monster just as it did to you, to give it a slow death that would allow you to watch the life die in its eyes. you wanted to tear it apart limb from limb just like it had torn apart its victims. you wanted it to experience the same pain they all felt.

but you didn't.

you pushed the dagger back into its holster. "go!" you told the others, pushing them back up the steps as you allowed yourself to turn your back to the monster, feeling the steps rattle with its every step.

"the dumbwaiter!" wednesday said, already running towards it and pushing enid inside.

it was right behind you. you could feel it walking closer and closer as you pushed wednesday into the tight space before following quickly behind her. you looked at the monster dead in its red eyes before you shut the dumbwaiter door, pushing the others back as you allowed yourself to shield them.

"oh my god, oh my god," enid whispered frantically, her hands shaky as she turned her flashlight off. you raised a finger to your lips again, your eyes wide as you looked at enid and wednesday.

they weren'y hurt. that was good.

wednesday swallowed thickly, her eyes set on the door before the dumbwaiter rattled. outside, the monster roared in anger as it tried to get to the three of you, its arms seemingly shaking the entire dumbwaiter as it only became more furious by the second. wednesday reached forward, her snood in hand as she began wrapping her snood around the two handles of the dumbwaiter to keep it shut.

"no, not your snood!" enid said desperately, her eyes pleading as she tried to stop wednesday from using the scarf she had worked so hard on.

"stop," wednesday said, her eyes stirring with something unreadable as she continued to use it to keep the handles shut. you looked at enid, who seemed close to tears, and murmured a small, 'don't worry,' that honestly didn't do as much as you hoped it would.

the sound of screeching metal reached your ears, and you turned around, your throat running dry when your eyes met bulging red ones. the monster had scratched the dumbwaiter with its three claws, allowing it to look right at the three of you. like a predator stalking its prey, it readied itself to reach inside to grab you until—

the rope snapped, sending the three of you plummeting down. enid's screams and the sound of rushing wind were all you heard before the dumbwaiter reached the basement with a loud crash, sending the three of you flying out of it.

you groaned as you landed on your back, the stinging pain pain from the healing scratches still making you wince. you prayed to the gods that the wounds didn't open up again.

you stood up, turning to enid and helping her up easily. the sound of wednesday pulling the light open made you look towards it, your heart falling at what you saw on the shelves. jars of human remains, from a foot to half a face, were neatly preserved and on display for you to see. you could feel the pain radiating off of them as you took a step closer, your face only showing your disbelief. "these body parts were taken from the monster's victims."

how could their family and friends grieve if they didn't have every part of their family member to bury as they wished?

dust fell on you with every step the monster took, the old wood practically bending under its weight as it walked slowly to where the basement door was. you rushed the two girls towards a nearby window, helping push enid up and through before pushing wednesday up.

"y/n, come on!" wednesday yelled, the monster right behind you as you forced yourself to jump up to the window, their hands grabbing you and pulling you through.

you let out a groan when you felt those familiar claws only swipe at your leg right before you were fully out of the basement. you laid on your back on the ground, your eyes set on the starless sky as you felt the pain radiate from your calf and your back. but quickly you forced yourself up, hiding your new wound with your pant leg.

"you okay?" you heard wednesday ask enid, only for her to scoff and walk away, saying 'since when do you care?' over her back.

you and enid ran down the woods, her run slowing to a jog when she saw that wednesday wasn't following her. "what the hell are you doing?!" she yelled; you had never seen her more stressed. but she had every right to be.

"we have to go back for tyler!" wednesday yelled behind her back, running quickly to the side of the house.

"we have to go with her," you told enid, who only stubbornly shook her head as she pointed in wednesday's direction.

"no! she put all of us in trouble, y/n—"

"you and i both know that you care too much about her to leave her with someone who's wounded," you hissed, making the werewolf shut her mouth immediately. "there's no place for grudges during a time like this." your words hung in the air for a few seconds, your eyes studying the discontented look on enid's face before she reluctantly nodded in agreement.

"fine."

"great." you led her back to where wednesday ran, your hand holding your dagger warily as you followed wednesday's general direction. you found wednesday knelt down next to tyler, who had three deep scratched on his chest.

she turned to enid, handing her her flashlight. "enid, hold this," she said, her voice panicked as she knelt back down to tyler. enid reluctantly held it up for her, her foot tapping impatiently on the ground.

"that thing is still inside!" enid cried, head whipping between tyler's wounded form and the area around them.

you stood by as a guard, your focus entirely on the woods and the possible areas the monster could attack. your hand held your dagger so tight that your knuckles paled, the handle's groove leaving indents on your skin. you could feel blood seep down your calf from your wound, but you refused to acknowledge it, too focused on protecting the others to even care about your own health. their panicked voices faded out into the background when you heard the crunch of nearby leaves.

your head turned quickly to the side, your dagger ready to be thrown before your muscles relaxed at the sight of xavier.

"xavier?" you asked in confusion, his face falling when he saw you.

he turned his head to the side, seeing tyler bleeding profusely from the scratched. xavier ignored wednesday's look of shock and suspicion as he tugged his scarf off of his neck, handing it to tyler. "here. take this."

tyler grunted as wednesday applied pressure to his wound, her face showing subtle signs of worry and panic as she cared for him. but she looked back at xavier in shock, her head already putting the pieces together and coming up with a conclusion for his sudden appearance.

you sat at the table next to enid and xavier, your eyes set on your fidgeting fingers as wednesday patched tyler up.

you hadn't said a word since the attack at the house, your body far too tired and your mind too spent to actually come up with meaningful words to say. you felt nothing but pain as you massaged your hands over and over; pain from the body parts you had found in the house, pain from your back hitting the ground after a week of being out of the hospital, and pain from the wound you were hiding from everyone. you were sure that your socks were now stained crimson with how the blood had seeped down, but no one had noticed that you were wounded, as your pants were black.

"thanks doc," tyler said with a weak yet lighthearted smile as wednesday placed another bandage between his scratches.

you peeked up to look at xavier after the comment. you were met with the face of jealousy and envy. clenched jaw, a subtle eye roll, a frown tugging at his lips.

he cared about her so much. it brought a small pained spark in your heart.

you nudged him from under the table with your wounded leg, ignoring the pain that shot up your calf at the action. xavier looked at you with furrowed brows, and you only mouthed, "stop being jealous."

xavier huffed at that, only turning back to look at wednesday. to say that he wasn't sure what you meant would be an understatement; he knew fully well what you meant. he liked wednesday. he wanted to tell her how he felt, but she cared so much for tyler.

of course, to you, xavier's answer seemed simple; just tell her about his feelings. but xavier was never good at words, and he was even worse at figuring out his emotions. maybe that was why he found himself sleeping with you again and again; he didn't have to deal with them if it was with you.

feeling a romantic connection with you was different from worry, in his eyes. because he found himself looking at you, fidgeting so strongly with your fingers, heavy eye bags under your eyes, the usual healthy glow of your skin now gone and replaced with something duller, and he felt nothing but worry.

now, it was his turn to nudge you. "you're quieter than usual."

"am i usually loud?"

"loud and annoying, yeah," xavier said, making you roll your eyes. you leaned back in your chair, placing your clasped hands on your chest.

"what is it?" you asked him, your voice dry as you looked at him expectedly. even your eyes didn't have the same spark in them.

"are you okay?" xavier asked, the question no bigger thna a whisper. he was looking at you with furrowed brows, his eyes tracing over your form as though he was checking for any sign of a wound.

"'m fine," you only managed out, letting out a heavy exhale through your nose. you turned your head away from him, moving your legs slightly.

but as xavier looked you over for injuries, his landed on the sock under your loose black pants. they rode up slightly as you moved— that was why you were able to get away with hiding the scratch, as the bottom of your pants had ridden up slightly while you were getting away —but your socks were white. from where xavier sat, he could see that the white cloth had been stained crimson with your blood.

he stood up abruptly. "tyler," he forced out through gritted teeth, his eyes lingering on how wednesday's hands pressed the bandages down for a second before focusing on the guy, "where's your bathroom?"

"that hallway, to the left," tyler responded, offering a small yet kind smile that xavier didn't return.

"c'mon, y/n." xavier stood next to you, offering a hand to your seated form. you looked at it with a skeptical look before looking up at xavier.

"excuse you?"

"we need to talk, y/n." xavier lied, his lie believable enough to make you groan and take his hand to stand up. he saw you wince ever so slightly when you put your weight on your wounded leg, but you played it off.

you pulled your hand away from him as you followed him into the bathroom. "what is it?" you asked confusedly as he pulled you in, shutting the door and locking it behind you.

xavier didn't respond as he set the toilet seat down to close it. "sit there," he told you, moving past you to rummage through the galpin's bathroom drawers.

you scoffed at his order, crossing your arms over your chest. "not until you tell me what was so important that you had to drag us away from them."

xavier didn't respond, pulling out a gauze pad, petroleum jelly, and a wrap around bandage. he bent down to look under their sink for clean cloths.

"gods, hello? are you even listening to me?" you asked irritatedly, your tone making xavier stand up straight and look at you.

"why didn't you tell them that you were hurt?" your look of irritation fell, confirming xavier's hunch as he sighed, shaking his head to himself. he didn't say anything as he organized the items on the floor of the bathroom, his throat moving as he swallowed. "i saw your sock when you moved. you're bleeding."

you didn't speak as you reluctantly sat on the toilet seat, relief spreading through your body at the lack of weight on your leg. you watched as he knelt down to sit on the floor in front of you, a clean cloth in his hand. he applied pressure to your wound, hearing you hiss at the feeling. "well?" he asked, looking up at you. "why didn't you?"

you clenched your jaw, wanting so deeply to avoid his gaze, but his green eyes were searching your face for some kind of answer. "it wasn't important. just a scratch."

"tyler got a scratch too."

"why are you bringing him up? you literally hate the guy."

"and how do you know that?" xavier challenged, making you scoff.

"i see the way you look at wednesday. how you want her to look at you with the same look she gives tyler," you said, sighing as you continued, "how you want her to care for you the same way she was caring for tyler. it's nice— slightly sad —but nice because all of your problems could be fixed if you just told her how you feel."

xavier looked up at you at that. his eyes were clouded with something you couldn't read, his small murmur of, "i don't think that'll work," making you groan in frustration.

"seriously, xavier. just tell her—"

"stop changing the subject, y/n." xavier's voice wasn't firm at all. he didn't even seem irritated with you as he continued to apply pressure to your calf. his voice was soft as he addressed you, only full of worry as he continued to treat you. "why didn't you tell anyone?"

you swallowed thickly. "i didn't want anyone to help me."

xavier didn't say anything. he stood up, exchanging the bloodied cloth with a clean one. he ran it under the water of the sink before sitting back down in front of you and your leg. he gently cleaned it with the wet cloth, choosing his words carefully before he asked, "why?"

your hands clenched and unclenched, showing your obvious nervousness before you replied. "because it makes me feel weak. weaker than i already am."

you expected him to laugh. to tease you for being so sensitive about meaningless acts of service. to poke at you for complaining about being weak when there were other pressing matters to worry about.

but xavier only hummed in response. he grabbed the petroleum jelly as he set the wet cloth down. he waited for a minute for your leg to air dry, taking the moment of silence to speak.

"i'll patch you up quietly, then. whenever you want me to."

he wasn't sure if there was something hidden behind that small promise of his. xavier's eyes pulled away from you as he put petroleum jelly on your wound, his touch so gentle as he spread the ointment. he feared that too much pressure you make you wince again; he didn't want you to worry about that.

but as he said that comment, that small reassuring quote that would have meant nothing if xavier wasn't an overthinker, he wasn't sure what he was promising. the thing is, xavier did overthink. he folded his thoughts over and over a lot in his head, to the point where art was his way of dealing with it all.

that was why a part of him knew that there was a hidden meaning behind that statement that even he couldn't figure out. as he sat on the floor of the bathroom, patching up your leg so tenderly, the words simply felt like more than what it was. more than those two sentences.

and while you never wanted to hold onto a promise, you could only nod in response.

ACT VI

#AUTHORSNOTE— i feel like this is the longest part i've ever done but oh well! i hope you all enjoyed it and thank you sm for all the support lately it makes me wanna write even more xx

#TAGLIST (usernames that aren't underlined are unable to be tagged) — @gamorxa @rayliz793 @cali-888 @targaryensswp @hopefulfuturenovelauthor @just-amess @maystecc @cmac-writes @ahnneyong @importantpuppyshark @mannstarkey @alienm0vie @carinacassiopeiae @simonsbluee @g3org1al33 @killmewithafanfic @nattheartless13 @astrynyx @idontknowwhattodo35 @addisonnie @wxnderingthoughts @r1dd1kulus @smol-book-nerd @555stargirl555 @wonderlandco @siriuslysmoking @skye231 @boomitsallie1 @southernraven @buckleylips @yunoguns @theprettytragic @levylovegood @slut4fictionalcharacters28 @archernotfound @trixiemills @sucker4angstt @charliedaltonsteponme @wittle-bunnyboo @rowanlaslowsgf @importantpuppyshark @blehhhhdhdhbs @parkersmyth @holachicos @nanamin-pointo @chicken-taco-burrito @manofworm @sincerest-one @lp223344 @alexayoonlee @queer-coded @whore-for-eddie

[cleromancy]

oracle year one born of hope from batman chronicles #5 (published 1996) is hands down the best defridging story ive ever read for a lot of reasons--the first being just that its such a damn good comic in the first place. but every time i read it im so struck by the way it reframes the casual *incidental* violence done to barbara in TKJ, where she's just an obstacle in the joker's way to get to jim (to get to batman) and it's not *about* her. on the very second page of OYO we have this:

the entire page (...minus bruce in the bg up there) is drawn from barbaras point of view while she recounts the incident from her hospital bed. literally recentering her and her perspective, her experience and her feelings. where TKJ sensationalizes and sexualizes the violence done to her we see an illustration of her choice--love for her father, "don't get up"--then the shock and pain of the injury, then the operating room.

and she opened the story with "i cant believe i was such an idiot," berating herself for not looking through the peephole or using the chain on the door before she opened it, emphasizing that she knew better, and its a very human response to being the victim of something like this--almost fixating on a small mistake you made. inside the story its about the grief and the sense of control bargaining gives you--"if only i had--!" and then on the meta level its actually addressing the "well why DIDNT barbara look through the peephole???" (<- the answer being that TKJ never considered whether or not she would have, bc that was less important to the story than hurting her.)

and the next page. god. its masterful:

the balance of OYO being a response to TKJ on a meta level and the genuine story-level exploration of barbaras feelings just in the first 3 pages alone... chefs kiss. the way it addresses the previous bullshit storytelling choices--but builds something new off of them, because that shouldn't be the end of barbaras story.

and its so fantastic bc it doesn't shy away from barbaras ugly feelings...

she's so angry and she's allowed to be. and thats also what makes it such a good defridging--that its a resonant portrayal of becoming disabled. anger, grief, humiliation, shame, fear, the absolute *slog* that is recovery, the realization that your independence has been compromised... it really reckons with what this means for her in that moment and moving forward.

just posting this one bc i love her...

and the crux of the story is barbara taking control back over her life, barbara not feeling helpless anymore. its a superhero origin story to its core and its fantastic at what it does.

and i mean... i do always feel iffy about this part:

the juxtaposition of her wanting to do this without batmans help with her, well, unknowingly accepting bruces help. makes seesaw motion with hand. i always feel like its a bit of a weak spot... i like elements of it, particularly *because* this work is addressing so much of TKJs bullshit; this is making bruce actually care about barbaras injury because fuck you he *should* care, he *should* do something. and barbaras need for independence and her struggles to accept help are pretty central to her character and in a story about disability... i mean interdependence is a core tenant of disability rights activism, no man is an island and all that. but btwn it being bruce who finds richard dragon for her to train with, and richard dragon both being yknow a man and not a wheelchair user himself, it falls flat. which is really something you notice bc the rest of the story is so damn good... its hard for me to put my finger on exactly what i think they should've done instead, bc they only had 18 pages for this story and like. it's incredibly tight, not a panel wasted, so it *was* important that barbaras teacher be someone we the reader already know, and there was no *time* to establish some other way for barbara to find someone of richard fucking dragons caliber on her own without bruces connections.

but that i guess does bring me to. the other thing i find frustrating re: OYO which is just that it's. 18 pages collected with two other stories, neither of which is memorable... i mean how many other year ones of a heavy hitter like barbara freakin gordon can you think of with less than a single full issue? and batgirl year one had 9 issues (9 mediocre, mediocre issues). i dont think OYO needed that much time (but hey neither did fucking bgyo)... but come on. come on!!!!!!

anyway whatever. oracle sweep

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Unexpectedly Yours: Part 8

Fandom: Ted Lasso (Regency AU)

Pairing: Roy Kent x F!Reader

Summary: Lord Roy Kent still has yet to marry. He hates the notion that marriage is a way to ensure your status in society. You have delayed your debut to society for years because of the same idea. So what happens when two people who hate the idea of marriage are constantly drawn to each other?

A/N: ive been waiting to use this gif...

Series Masterlist

Roy looked around seeing that everyone had stopped dancing, watching as you storm your way out of the ballroom. Eyes were glancing between your retreating and Roy's stunned look. He groans to himself and mumbles, "Fucking hell," promptly stomping his way out of the ballroom to follow you.

"Hey!" he calls out to you but you're ignoring him, "Stop!" he hollers again, following you to the gardens of the estate.

"Fuck," he grunts, picking up the pace and catching up to you, "Will you slow down for a moment?"

You whip around and push him back, "I've had enough of you!" you're seething, "Ever since you arrived, my world had revolved around you but not by choice! I'm tired of people telling me what to do. I'm tired of having this pressure to be with someone who doesn't want me! I'm tired of all of this!"

"Do you love Goodman?" Roy calmly asks.

"What?" you look at him confused.

"Because if you don't, then you shouldn't be with him. You deserve someone who makes you feel like you've been struck by fucking lightning. Someone who you're excited to be the first thing you see when you wake and the last thing before you sleep. You deserve someone who will worship the ground you walk on, but also someone who challenges you. Someone who admires your tenacity and passion. Does Goodman do that?"

You stare at him in silence and so he continues, "You think I don't want you, but I do. God, I want you," he states. He pauses to wait for any kind of reaction but you remain silent, "Ever since I came here, you're all I've thought about. You've consumed my every being. You've brought life back into me...but I don't think I'm a good enough man for you. I don't think I deserve love and I struggle to let people in. But every time I see you with Goodman, I think about how much I would regret not even trying to fight for you."

"I'm sorry I've hurt you and caused you so much distress since arriving to Richmond. That was never my intention. If you want me to fuck off, I'll obey your wishes. But if you care for me just as much as I care for you, I will do anything you ask of me."

You stare at Roy in silence. You're completely stunned by his outburst of a confession, but hearing his love and adoration for you...it stirs something in you.

You immediately grab Roy by the lapel, pulling him to press your lips against his. He's taken but surprise but then you feel his hands cup your face. His lips moving against yours in the heat of the moment causing a fire to burn in your belly. You feel absolutely consumed by him in this kiss until-

"Y/N L/N!" your mother screeches and you immediately pull away, lips swollen and slightly out of breath.

Your mother is followed by your father, Keeley, Jamie, Jeffrey, and Clara. Your father is trying to calm your mother as she bounds towards you in a furry, "What on Earth do you think you two are doing?! Such a scandal!"

Roy steps forward, "Ma'am, I'm sorry-"

"You'll have to marry now!"

Your eyes widen, "Mother-"

"No! There's no choice now. You have to marry Lord Kent because if word gets out that not only you two were unchaperoned but also found in such a compromising position, you'll be ruined! Not to mention the disrespect on Mr. Goodman!" she gestures to Jeffrey and he looks at you with sympathy, but no malice. He gives you a nod and mouths, "It's okay," which already lightens the load on your shoulders.

Roy clenches his jaw, straightens his back and says, "I'll marry her."

You whip your head to Roy and you look at him in surprise. He completely turns to you and grabs your gloved hand, "I meant what I said, Y/N. Truly. If you'll have me, I will do anything you ask of me, anything to make you happy."

You find yourself breathlessly nodding, "I'll have you," you turn to your parents, "We'll marry."

Your mother nods in satisfaction, "Good. We'll be taking our leave then," she immediately grabs you by the wrist and starts dragging you away.

Roy then steps up to your father, "Will you be available tomorrow afternoon to discuss affairs, sir?"

"I will, my Lord."

Roy nods and sees to walk back towards the house leaving behind your father, Keeley, Jamie, Jeffrey, and Clara.

Jamie claps Jeffrey on the shoulder, "Sorry, mate, looks like that courtship isn't happening."

Jeffrey shrugs, "As long as she's happy. However, I thought her and Lord Kent didn't get along."

Clara sighs, "It's complicated, but it seems they've uncomplicated it...finally."

_________________________

You don't listen to your mother as she scolds you throughout the entire ride back home. You stare out of the carriage with a small smile on your lips. The lips that Roy kissed.

Your father, noting the dreamy look on your face, sighs and places a hand on your mother's lap, "Darling, I think that's enough."

"But-"

"I'm not sure why you're upset, honestly. You wanted them to be together, yes?"

Your mother huffs, "Yes, but I didn't want it to happen so scandalously!"

"The only people who found them were us and her friends. I doubt they'll tell anyone."

"But-" your father gives her a pointed look and she drops the subject. She looks back at you, also noting the look on your face and she's no longer upset. You look so...in love. Your mother hopes that Lord Kent will keep his word and do everything to ensure your happiness.

____________________

When you arrive back home, you bid your parents good night and head upstairs. However, instead of going to your room, you head straight to Cece's.

You slowly open the door and peek in, "Cece?" you whisper.

You watch as she rolls in her bed, "Y/N?" she sits up, rubbing at her eyes, "Is something wrong?"

You slip into her room and sit at the edge of her bed, "I have some news that I think you'll like."

That seems to wake her up as she sits up in bed, "What is it?!"

You chuckle at her excitement, "Roy and I will be getting married."

Her eyes widen and jaw drops, "What?! Really?! Tell me everything!"

You giggle, "I will but let me change and I will come back and tell you everything."

She groans, "Y/N! No! Tell me now! I've been waiting for this for months!"

"Fine, fine," you pull your young cousin close and tell her the events of the night. She was squealing and jumping in her bed.

"I knew it! I knew it! I told you he loves you!"

"Ssshhh!!" you pull her back down, "Mother and father will be upset if they knew you're awake!"

"Well, that's your fault for waking me!"

You softly smile at your cousin, "You should go back to sleep now."

"I can't! I'm too excited to talk to Phoebe about this!"

You quietly laugh, "Well try your best to go back to sleep, hm?"

"I'll try," Cece says as she slips back under her covers. You pull them up to her chin and you kiss her head. As you walk back to her door, she calls for you, "Y/N?"

"Hm?"

"I'm glad you and Roy are finally together. Now you live happily ever after."

You nod, "Thank you, Cece. Good night," you exit her room and softly close the door behind you.

You let out a deep breath and head to your room, ready to sleep after such an eventful night.

[sweetfire01]

I know your big thing is yandere agere but I’m just melting over your take on daddy Simmy and Dada Didi and Luci 🥺🥺🥺

How would they comfort a little one who’s scared of needles? I’ve got to get some later this month and I’m in tears just thinking about it

.😭

Oh anon, it sound scaring! You have all my love and support.

And of course your dad's too. They know it's going to be very scary for you, so they'll hold you on their lap, your face pressed into their chest, while the doctors stick the needle into your skin. Ooh, they know it's bad, they know, it's okay to cry. Squeeze dad's shirt tight, focus on their hand stroking your hair and it'll be over in no time! Poor little thing, you're so scared. Hush, hush now, look, the doctor has finished! You were so good and brave!

Everyone's aftercare will also depend on the purpose of those needles: were they just for a vaccine/blood test, or were they for an IV or anesthesia? With surgery afterwards? In the first case, it means that you can go home immediately afterwards! Lucifer will hand you a bottle of milk AND CHOCOLATE! Your reward for being so good. You can drink it in your stroller on the way home. And once we get there, a nice nap in daddy's bed. How does this sound, little one? Bet you've already forgotten about the pain. Diavolo bounces you on his arms and showers your face with kisses, making you giggle. He praises you because you were even braver than the knights from the fairy tales he reads to you in the evening. And look what he brought you: a box of colored band-aid! And some even have cute animals drawn on them. Tell the doctor which one you want and he will put it over your wound. Simmy will cradle you in his arms, holding you close until you stop crying. His little lamb was so scared, huh? It's okay now, your daddy is here. Once you've calmed down, he'll lay you down in your pram, placing your favorite stuffie in your arms. Get some rest, baby, and when you get home, there'll be more cuddles, okay?

But if we're talking about some kind of anesthesia, oh dear, they can't even follow you into the operating room. But they won't leave you scared all alone! Absolutely not! They will request that you be given some type of tranquilizing drug, so that you can get to the operating room easier. Sure, they might put you to sleep with their own spell, but, honestly, they prefer to avoid complications with human medications. They don't want to risk you staying asleep hours after the surgery is over. Have you ever heard of those people who see "supernatural" things while they are comatose or something? Well, Simmy is able to appear into their dream and no one can change my mind. He would use this power to continue to stay by your side, stroking your hair and humming as you keep your head on his knees. And when you wake up what do you see? Just your daddy who looks at you smiling! The surgery is over, now it wasn't so bad, right? And he didn't leave you even for a moment, as he promised you! Luci and Didi would too, but they would need their powers and they don't think appearing in their demon form helps you much. They will just have to wait until the surgery is over. Oh, but of course once you wake up they'll give you all the attention they couldn't give you before! Obviously all 3 would use this position to their advantage: they'll put you in diapers because you don't really want to force yourself to get up and walk, do you? Just as you shouldn't have to strain yourself to grab cutlery and feed yourself! Open your mouth and let them spoon-feed you instead, even if you just had knee surgery and you're still able to use both your hands.

And maybe they can even mess with morphine and painkillers, just to make you a little more docile if you don't cooperate.

[dira333]

Unwavering IV - Ibiki x Reader

this is for @snuggleboots (taglist is open)

Warnings: Reader is dealing with psychological aspects of her work and she's having trouble with alcoholism. Please do not read if this triggers you.

Masterlist - Part III

The lights are on when you get back. 

You’re still wearing the daring green dress. With the cold air hitting your back it now only feels like a kidney infection waiting to happen. You should have known that you can’t seduce Ibiki with a pretty dress and some bright red lipstick.

When you open the door, Neko mewls loudly in greeting.

“I’m home, little tyrant.” You call out softly, scratch her behind the ears when she comes to the door. “Where’s your owner?”

Neko mewls loudly again and plops down in the entryway, begins the ardent task of cleaning between her hind legs, a clear sign she’s done talking to you.

Ibiki’s neither in the living room nor in the kitchen, even though the lights are still on. You find him in his office, back to the door as he writes something.

You’re hardly ever in this room but there are a few photographs scattered through the room that you want to look at forever.

There’s Ibiki at six, face split with an awkward smile that showcases a missing front tooth. Next to him are his parents, you believe, looking so much like him and yet so different at the same time. 

There’s Ibiki how you remember him from the Academy, his mother behind him, her face set in stone. He carries someone in his arms, the baby’s face scrunched up to the point you can barely recognize a human being. You wonder if that’s his brother.

There are more pictures but you never get far enough into the room to look at them, to learn more about him.

“Hey.” You stop at the doorway like you’ve done all the other times before. “When did you get home?”

“Two hours ago, I think.” His voice doesn’t show any emotion, but you’re used to that. It doesn’t make things easier though.

“Can we talk?” You hate how soft your voice comes out, not at all teasing or demanding.

But he nods and gets up.

“Sure.” 

If you thought talking to his back was hard, coming face-to-face with him proves you wrong.

Fear tightens its hold on your neck, making it hard to breathe.

If this goes wrong, you can kiss this friendship goodbye.

.

“Do you wanna get something to drink?” He asks when it becomes clear that you’re not going to open your mouth soon.

You nod helplessly and follow him down the hallway. He’s wearing his usual loungewear, looks like the Shinobi he is while you’re dressed like you’re a film star waiting to accept an award.

You feel ridiculous. For wanting to dress up, for doing it. For being the kind of Shinobi that you are. For falling in love.

The anger, even though directed at you, gives you strength. You dig your feet into the ground.

“Do you think I’m pretty?” You ask, almost managing to slip the teasing lilt into your voice that you’re famous for.

Ibiki looks up from the kettle he’d been filling.

“Why do you need everyone to to tell you what you already know?” He asks. 

The words feel heavy on your tongue. “Because it matters who I’m hearing it from.”

He watches you for a second. “Yeah, you are pretty.” It doesn’t sound like he means it, more like he’s placating a child.

You take another step forward.

“Why did you kiss me if you don’t think I’m pretty?” You ask, unable to keep your anger from your voice.

Ibiki straightens, puts the kettle on the stove and turns to you. He’s always been imposing, his height, his looks. If you’d know him any less, you might have been frightened.

“You’ve got a scar on your lower lip.” He points out. “It’s not visible under your lipstick.”

“Did you feel it?” You ask. “When you kissed me?”

That’s when it happens. Ibiki shudders like your question runs down his back with icy fingers.

It’s the first involuntary reaction you’ve ever drawn from him. 

You wonder what it means.

“Do you want to feel it again?” Your voice is barely above a whisper.

-

When you wake up, you’re facing the wall. Ibiki’s chest is pressed into your back, one arm slung around you, the other cushioning your head. His breath ghosts over your neck.

It’s not the closest you’ve ever been to him, but you think you might prefer this. When he allows himself to be open, to show what he wants - in this case, him being the big spoon.

His breathing changes and you smile, waiting for him to wake up properly. 

“Morning.” He grumbles into your ear. 

Neko mewls loudly from the hallway as if that greeting had been meant for her.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sleep in.” You point out half an hour later. Taking a shower together had not cut the time needed in half, but he doesn’t seem to mind as he pours you coffee.

“I think we need a bigger bed.” He points at the bread instead of looking at you. When you nod, he begins preparing your breakfast. 

Not for the first time you wonder how he can be like this one moment, but provoke you mercilessly the next. How it could have taken you two months to kiss when he’s been making you breakfast two weeks into you living here.

“Nah.” You take a sip of coffee and add a bit more milk. “It’s fine. I like having you close.”

He smiles, the quickest of movements, but you see it, and it lights up your heart like a lightning strike.

“How are we going to do this?” You ask, taking the sandwich from him and sinking your teeth into it with the delight that only good food brings. “Kakashi and Guy know that I was going to confess to you.”

He stops, butter knife raised over his bread. His brows furrow.

“What do you mean, confess? That wasn’t a confession.”

“Sure it was! Didn’t you hear me last night?”

“I did. You said something along the lines of ‘If you rip my dress I’m going to make sure you die a slow death.’”

“Before that.” You wave your hands around. “I said I want to stay with you. Forever.”

“Ah, I thought you meant the part where you don’t pay rent and eat all my food.”

“Like I could ever take Neko’s role.” You’re only half-joking. There’s still a part of you that’s jealous over how easy it is for Neko to get him to smile.

.

A comfortable Silence settles between you. Ibiki puts the butter knife away and assembles his sandwich. It’s Sunday, almost time for lunch and you’re barely making a dent into your breakfast. 

You could let him eat his sandwich in peace and ask him about everything else when he’s gotten some food in his system. 

But honestly, when have you ever played nice?

You pull his plate toward you before he can grab his sandwich, move from your seat to his before he can open his mouth.

Now you’re sitting in his lap, grinning like the cat that got the cream.

“Hi.” You smile up at him. “Pay attention to me.”

He lifts one eyebrow. “I just did. We’re having breakfast together.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You sling your arms around his shoulders and pull yourself closer until your nose touches his. “But that’s not enough.”

“You can have more of my attention if you let me eat first.”

“Or you can give me your attention now and eat later?” You ask, brushing your lips over his in the hopes of convincing him.

A heartbeat later you’re sitting in your own seat and he takes a bite from his sandwich, sending you an unamused look when you huff in annoyance.

“Not fair.”

“Drink your coffee.”

“Are we going to get pet names?” You ask, picking up your cup. “You could call me Princess.”

“You’re not Royalty.”

“That’s not the point. It’s cute. I call Ino Princess and she loves it.”

“Exactly. You’re not six years old.”

“How about Baby?”

“You’re not an infant.” He takes a sip of his coffee and levels one of his signature glares at you. “And you’re not a kitten either.”

“How’d you guess that?” You can’t help but laugh. “But if you won’t call me that, I’ll just do it myself.”

“What do you-”

“Ibiki, Baby.” Your smile is pure saccharine, your voice as sweet as honey as you cock your head. “Snookums. Honeydrop. Apple of my eye.”

Ibiki groans. “You’re awful.”

“You love me.”

“I do.” His voice is quiet but steady. It blows you away.

He smiles when he realizes that he’s left you speechless once again, leans over the table to press a kiss to your lips before he gathers the dishes and makes the trek to the sink.

…

“Don’t tell Inoichi.” Ibiki’s leaning in the doorframe as you pack your bag. “We can tell him together.”

“Sure.” You look through your stuff and furrow your brows. “Have you seen my book? The one I was reading?”

“It’s in the living room-” He stops you when you try to squeeze past him. “Hey. You’re okay with this, right?”

He sounds less demanding now, almost timid in his question if that’s even possible for him.

“Sure.” You step into him, let yourself fall even though you really should get ready. “I understand why you want to keep this a secret for now. Besides, who cares about what I’m doing with my love life?”

“Raido does.” It only sounds half-joking and you respond by knocking your knee against his.

“Raido can suck ass.” You remind him. “He’s not the one I want to come home to.”

He holds you for a minute, just long enough to let you know he’s not happy, that even Ibiki can open himself up to you.

“I’m going to be fine.” You remind him. “Besides, we need new people to interrogate or it will get boring at work.”

“Stay safe, okay?” He kisses the top of your head. “Come back in one piece.”

-

“Did something happen this weekend?” Inoichi asks when you set up your tent. Chouza’s preparing Dinner.

“What do you mean?” You ask, struggling with a knot. “Guy made Jonin so we had a little get-together.”

“You’re different.” Your brother points out. “Not chewing my ear off with gossip. Not whining about the parties you’ll miss while on mission.”

“You’re glowing,” Chouza calls out from the fire. “Reminds me of when Inoichi and Miwa first got together. He was basically floating.”

Inoichi’s eyes zero in on you. You swallow thickly.

“I… can explain?”

“You’ve got a boyfriend?” Inoichi sounds strangely… tense.

“Maybe?”

“Do I know him?”

“Maybe? I will introduce him to you soon, don’t worry. It’s just… we just got together this weekend… officially, you know… and he wanted to wait a bit before we tell our families.”

There. That’s not completely a lie.

Inoichi huffs. He looks worried.

“What got your panties in a twist now, Inoichi?” Chouza asks. “You look like she told you she’s fallen in love with Orochimaru.”

“It’s just…” Your brother huffs again. “It’s not my place to tell but… maybe let me tell Ibiki, okay?”

You blink. “What?” 

“You know, he’s a little sensible when it comes to you.” He points out as if it’s obvious. It isn’t.”

“What?” You squeak again.

“Oh, Ibiki?” Chouza nods like he knows exactly what your brother is talking about. “Yeah, it will break his heart that you’re no longer single. It’s hard to tell what’s going on in that brain of his, but I think he was planning on kidnapping you and forcing you to become his girlfriend.”

“Like I’d ever fall for that!” You exclaim, finally untangling the knot that had been giving you grief. “I’d rather die than…” You stop and hesitate. Than what? Date Ibiki? You’re already doing that. “Well, I’d rather die than date someone who’s using violence like that.”

Your voice has lost its momentum and Chouza picks up on it right away.

“Poor Ibiki.” He sighs. “Don’t tell him he would have had a chance if he’d made a move.”

.

They keep reminiscing about the fact that Ibiki has a crush on you. It’s surreal and also funny, leaving you with enough ammunition to annoy him for at least a month, if not longer. You’re also not really sure if they’re both good at reading people or just guessed correctly this one time. 

.

When you meet up again, Chouza’s face is bruised and your brother has a black eye, but they look fine otherwise.

You have no scratch on your body and the blood splattered over your skirt is not your own, but you don’t feel fine. You feel hollow and dirty and disgusting.

It’s not often that missions mess with you like this, but when they do, oh they do.

.

The first hour of your trek back Inoichi keeps talking about Ino. It’s a surefire way to distract you. From the violence, the way you hate how you have to use your body some days, from the people that Chouza is carrying, knocked out and tied up

At some point, Chouza takes over. He tells you about Chouji, his little boy's love for butterflies, how he’s got the appetite of his father but the softness of his mother.

“I’m a little worried about him.” He says. “He’s not good at making friends on his own and he’s lonely most of the time.”

“Did you know that Ibiki has a cat?” The words break from your lips like butterflies from their cocoons. “Her name’s Neko and she’s incredibly fat.” 

Chouza blinks at you. You want to keep talking, tell him how she puked on you the first night you slept over, or how she likes to wake you up from naps by landing right on your bladder or your stomach. How she mewls in the morning to remind you that she’s more important than staying in bed. 

But that would mean you’d have to explain why you sleep over so often so you shake yourself out of your stupor and smile.

“Met her once when we discussed a new strategy. I just thought, if Ibiki isn’t good at making friends and seems to have a good time with his pet, maybe that would be a good idea for Chouji too?”

“Ah… my wife’s allergic to cats.” Chouza points out. You shrug.

“Doesn’t have to be a cat. Pet’s come in all shapes and sizes, right?”

“Just think of Shikaku and his deer!” Inoichi calls out from behind. 

The walk home is a little easier after that. You think of Neko and her soft fur, how she’s going to complain when you don’t feed her the amount she wants but the amount she needs.

You don’t think of Ibiki, don’t dare to, but Neko is fair game.

taglist: @snuggleboots @missalienqueen

[beagotlost]

autumn days at the potters’ <3

part one

part two

a/n: so this is the first thing that i’ve ever published so i’m a bit nervous for people reading my work (not that many will lol) but pls give it a chance + enjoy !!!content: fem! reader x james potter (seventh year) fluff, small mention of food.

a/n (again): a series of cute little autumn days at the Potters’ house. Hopefully heartwarming??

You huddled yourself deeper into your scarf and stuffed your hands into your pockets a bit harder against the bite of the October afternoon wind. The sun was distantly warm, but not warm enough to fend off the chill that nipped at your nose.

The trees that lined the street were clad in leaves of orange and red and gold, and the windows of the houses glowed brightly against the descent of dusk.

You came to the gate of the Potters’ house and pushed it, fingers coming into contact with the cool metal. The house was big and warm and inviting, even from the outside. Boston ivy climbed the walls of the house, golden glowing windows framed with white peeked out of the red and gold hues. You walked up the path to the door, boots softly brushing against flagstones, fingers wrapping around the shiny brass knocker.

After just two knocks, the door was flung open to reveal James’ beaming face, complete with rumpled up hair and crooked glasses like always. After all this time, seeing him still gave you butterflies.

You grinned back at him, dropping your bag to the floor as you were drawn into his arms in a tight hug. You pressed your face against his shoulder, feeling his soft sweater on your cheek and inhaling his familiar scent.

"Missed you." You said into his chest, voice muffled by the thick sweater.

James pushed you away and leaned down to kiss you. You completely forgot that you were standing on the doorstep on a freezing cold October afternoon. You were filled with warmth from the contact of your lips and James' arms holding you close.

"I missed you too." He whispered onto your lips. But before he could kiss you another time, Euphemia's voice sounded from behind him.

"Let the poor girl inside, she must be freezing." James chuckled, before picking your bag up and shutting the door.

Mrs Potter came forward and hugged you tightly. Still slightly embarrassed from getting caught kissing your boyfriend by his mother, you thanked her for letting you stay.

"Oh it's nothing. We haven't seen you in ages, and besides, we love having you round just as much as James does. Mind you, it's almost as though you are here all the time, given how much he talks about you." Mrs Potter laughed, and James went a little bit red. "Ive just put the kettle on, would you like tea?"

"Yes please, Mrs Potter, that would be great."

"Oh, call me Effie. I should like to think that we're well past 'Mrs Potter."

You smiled as she left the room to sort out tea.

"Let's you drop your bag off upstairs." James suggested, immediately grabbing it and bounding up the stairs, making you laugh as you ran after him.

You were much more unfit than he was, and when you stumbled into his room, legs aching a bit after running up the steep stairs. You fell into James’s arms, and you rose up on your tiptoes to meet his eyes.

“Shall we pick up where we left off?” You breathed. James answered by kissing you, deep and slow and passionate. Your insides melted like butter again as you ran your hands up his back underneath his sweater. James held you close to his body by your waist, his other hand running through your hair.

“TEA IS READY!” Euphemia’s voice broke the two of you apart, and james let out a small laugh.

“That is the second time in ten minutes that I have been cock blocked by my mother.”

Laughing at him, you fixed your hair and followed him down the stairs, into the kitchen where Effie had laid out a pot of tea and four cups and saucers along with a plate of hot, toasted, buttered tea cakes. You inhaled the aroma of spices and fruit that came off them and thanked Effie as she poured your tea.

Over tea you caught up on school, and how your parents were doing and what the rest of your ‘gang’ (which is where James chipped in and corrected her to ‘marauders’) we’re doing over the holidays and if you had plans to see them.

You spent so long chatting that it was dinner time and Fleamont had to make dinner, so you and James attempted to help, but probably ended up being more of a hindrance, so you just sat on the stools behind the island and talked to James’ dad as he did all of the cooking.

~~~

After dinner, you played scrabble with James’ family and showed them some of the photos you had taken over the previous half term at school.

The living room was probably the cosiest, most homely place you had ever seen. A huge crimson velvety sofa and two swishy armchairs faced the fire, all laden in cushions and throws. The mantelpiece was an organised jumble of family photos, decorated with a vase of sunflowers and some little ceramic pumpkins. You sipped hot chocolate and laughed at James trying to convince everyone of the legitimacy of his scrabble words.

Eventually, you felt as though you wouldn’t be able to keep your eyes open so you excused yourself, and went upstairs to brush your teeth, wash your face and change into your pyjamas.

When you entered James’ room, he was already there, standing half dressed on the far side of the room next to his chest of drawers. He was shirtless, and his red plaid pyjama bottoms sat low on his hips.

“How did you get here before me?”

He winked. “Magic.”

You rolled your eyes playfully and ran your hands up his chest, toned by years of quidditch practice. You slung your arms around his neck and his hands drifted from your lower back to your butt, lifting you up so your legs wrapped around his waist.

You titled your head back to look at him, before running a hand through his hair and crashing your lips together, sparks shooting through your body. James walked the two of you to the four poster mahogany bed in the middle of the room draped in heavy red curtains and made up on cream sheets.

He laid you down gently on the bed, your legs still around him as he deepened the kiss and you pulled him even closer towards you.

[maybege]

Hi, May! How are you?

it's been a weird couple days (as you know cause i keep texting you 😅). everything still feels really off and my emotions are going in circles (thank fuck i'm seeing my therapist tomorrow).

BUT either way, I've promised you that I'd FINALLY read roommate!Paz and tell you my thoughts!! idk what it is about tonight, but i finally had the energy to fully appreciate it and be ready to do this (maybe I also just needed the comfort of your writing and your paz).

Soooo, let's start? I’m going to try and not just quote every single line back at you but oh my god please know that I love everything about this. I still don’t quite know how one is actually supposed to react to stories, so I hope you‘ll enjoy my rambling about how your words have made me feel 😅

First of all, i hope you know that roommate!Paz is my ABSOLUTE WEAKNESS!! that man is so fine 🥰🫠(and honestly,, can do whatever he wants to me..)

"He was so careful, so gentle and made sure you felt safe, happy and satisfied before he tried new things. Even then, said new things were introduced slowly and with care. And every time he did you felt like you were falling in lust a little bit more." this? the dream. Also "in LUST"??? girl please stop denying it, you’re like fully in LOVE!!!

also.... "something very peaceful about not having to worry about how someone fucks you because you know they do it right" ..... do you just have a secret source of knowledge about my anxiety issues??? cause that feels a little to relatable as a concept,, like straight up taken from my brain when i try to explain why i'm drawn to these types of stories 😂🙈

"the man of your dreams (and also your heart but it would take time for you to admit that out loud) ".. THANK YOU, this is what ive been thinking. can't wait for them both to realise that they are absolutely in love with one another.

also, this: "You wanted to spend as little time as possible on chores and as much time as possible … together." very relatable. the „… together“ made me giggle 🙈

.. also sidenote, I really love the way you center the trust between them in the beginning of the story (and througout, really). It really is such a vital part of their dynamic and to actually feel that is really nice. and i also just really love the intimacy between the two of them - like the scene of him coming home and caring about how her day went.

“Paz,” you giggled, your hands buried in the soft hairs at the back of his neck, “What are you doing?” ... dont mind me just giggling and grinning over here...

“I’m eating you out, what does it look like?” he grinned, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip AND THEN “Patience, sweetheart,” he teased you, looking up from where his fingers were circling your nipples over the fabric of your shirt. “Let me play with you.?????? hot. 10/10. actually cant function anymore, this is all I'll think about now 🫠

“You're so good for me,” he murmured against your sternum, “Such a pretty little slut just for me, aren’t you?” ... LIKE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT NOW????? i think i dont even really like the idea of men calling me a slut, but i think he might be an expection.....

… also, please know that this is how I've reacted to every line of paz speaking 🙈🥰🫠10/10.

Before you could answer (or, let's be real, beg) ... LISTEN, that would be true but you didnt have to call me out like that 😂😭

“I know,” he replied, pressing a quick kiss to your inner thigh before slipping your legs off his shoulders, “Got you all come drunk already, huh?”.. one thing that man will always be is cocky.... and honestly? fair, he's allowed to be. how could he not be when he’s doing everything so right?

“Not today, love,” he murmured, the nickname sending a thrill through you and also Kissing Paz was everything you had ever fantasised it to be and more. JUST CONFESS ALREADYYYY 😭🫶🏼

“I thought this could be your … the necklace, you know?” [...] Paz seemed to know what you were thinking because he suddenly became bashful. He rubbed the back of his neck, the free hand still on your thigh, “You can – you can choose something else, if you like, of course. But I saw it in the mall at lunch and I just … knew.” stop I'm gonny cry

“And remember –“ he started. “I can always take it off whenever I want to,” you finished… i really love this. I think I've told you this before, but i really like how you always manage to hit home on the consent and trust between pairings in your stories.

You thrived in coming home and being dragged into his bed or him coming home and coming straight to you. That must be your favourite part, really. Him coming home and using you any which way he liked. Both of you ending up on the couch afterwards, talking about how your respective days had been. ... did you just invade my daydreams??? but seriously, again, i love love love reading about the intimate aspects - even without smut - in your stories. they might not confess how they're fully feeling (yet), but they don't really need to in order for me to feel the emotions between them. this just makes my heart flutter and yearn 🤍🥺

A bit of topic, but this: "It had been raining and you had used your day off to curl up on the couch and read one of the books on your tbr list." just got me really excited for finishing my master's degree next summer. I can't wait to read an actual book and enjoy it without any stress that I'm technically procrastinating. like, im so excited to not be too exhausted for my tbr list.

back on topic... Paz was usually home by now and even though you were not his girlfriend (which was totally absolutely perfectly fine with you, of course)… GIRL, CAN YOU BOTH PLEASE JUST SAY YOUR UNSPOKEN FEELINGS OUT LOUD AND MAKE IT OFFICIAL

paz coming home and needing stress relief? 10/10. also, i can't fully say why, but the way you describe paz? such a hot, pretty man.

“Stars, that’s just what I needed,” he sighed, his hand cupping your cheek, “that pretty little mouth on my cock. You’re doing so well for me, aren’t you?” AND ALSO “I know I’m very big, sweetheart,” Paz cooed, leaning forward. His hand wandered to the back of your head and you felt surrounded by him in the best way, “Can you try to take me a little deeper? Can I try to fuck your mouth?” may, how am i supposed to go to bed after this???? there's no way my brain will actually turn off, I'll just be mentally stuck right here. like,, this entire smut scene???? i fear i will not recover from this.

LIKE.. "“One day I'm gonna see how deep I can go,” he groaned as you choked on him, “Have your head hanging off the edge of my bed, see if we can make that pretty throat bulge, make that choker stretch, hm?” HUH, officially deceased. Every line I keep thinking „okay that’s it. NOTHING can make me react more than this“ and then I keep getting hit with the next words???

and then,, “Ordering pizza and a movie? We can cuddle and if you want to we can try that thing you’ve been pretending to google secretly?” MAY, i can't 🫠🫠🫠 i will be thinking about this story for forever. somebody please tell me where i find him in real life.

and the ending being all soft and fluffy? i dont know what else to say besides this man (and story) has my heart 🤍

I could keep going cause I just love your writing so much, but this turned out quite long already. So in short: honestly? we both know that i always love your writing but this made me all smiley and giggly and that really is something i needed right now 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 i don't even know how to put it in words how much i love every part of this!!

MY DARLING SARAH!!!

I am doing somewhat okay! I got to see Adele this weekend which was one of the most surreal experiences ever but with the heatwave this week I’m simply just lying on the couch, hoping that I’ll melt into a puddle 🫠

And your lovely lovely comment is not helping because that had melted my heart 🥹😭 I’m so so happy you liked it! Roommate!Paz really is so special and so fun to write 🥹

[maudeboggins]

i had such a bad chemo infusion today. the nurse was super rough with the iv, moving it around a lot while he was pumping it, because there was no "flash back" of blood (apparently they can tell the iv is in the vein if blood is drawn back into the iv) but he kept saying he was "confident" it was in the vein as the saline wasn't pooling so he went ahead with the injection even after i voiced concerns maybe two or three times (like something clearly was not working. i even asked him to tape down the iv because the movement was hurting and he said he couldn't). first the infusion began leaking on my skin and he just said "that will be fine" and wiped it up and kept going even though i've been told that while the infusion is good to be injected as it fights the cancer it is toxic (nurses have to put on protective gear before handling it and i can't even kiss my husband for a week because the trace amounts in body fluids are toxic to people not on chemo). every time i've had this infusion they say it should NOT hurt and if it does they'll stop immediately. so he is injecting it and i say it hurts and he goes "oh that's normal," and i stop him again and he says it's normal for it to irritate the veins. at that point i got him to re-poke me somewhere else because it hurt too much. finally another nurse did it and it was fine

idk i guess i just needed to vent about this. healthcare people are on the whole much nicer in the cancer world than elsewhere (i've dealt with a lot of mental health care and that's pretty dire). but i feel like i'm getting repeatedly dismissed. something hurts and they go "oh thats fine. that's normal" and keep going. even when i got my second biopsy, the freezing didn't work fully and when i said it hurt, i could feel it, the nurse just said "don't worry we're almost done" even though just before i had been told that if i could feel ANYTHING they would stop and refreeze. last week when i saw the oncologist i said i was nauseous two weeks after my chemo infusion and he just said "that's not supposed to happen it's probably just heartburn" when like, idk if it is or isn't supposed to happen but it IS HAPPENING! i'm super nauseous! and they keep just saying "oh that's odd!" when before this whole thing they told me that if i ever felt too nauseous they would definitely help out. and when i said earlier this week i was feeling too unwell to get my infusion because i had a cold the nurse i spoke to just said "it won't matter, chemo won't impact your ability to heal" while the oncologist an hour later said it WOULD impact my ability to heal and i should postpone until i feel well enough.

it's just really hard. i have such a hard time advocating for myself, and it feels like every time i do, by saying i'm in pain or nauseous or uncomfortable, the nurse or doctor i'm seeing just goes "i don't think that's a big deal i'm just going to continue with what i was doing." like everyone is for the most part really nice to me (which is a big difference. in mental healthcare, they are not nice to you lol) and i'm also so fortunate to be able to get treatment especially so soon after being diagnosed. but it just keeps happening!! i will say the cancer psychiatrist i'm seeing is the nicest and most understanding psychiatrist i've ever seen which is something

[madstronaut]

baby's first konig longfic

(masterlist of my FaFiCoWriMo rambles at the Fuck It We Ball link below! looking forward to seeing this become a long untameable monstrous ouroboros of a list)

omg t h i s f i c. IT BARELY HAS ANY SMUT IN IT till the end and it is one of the hottest konig fics ive ever read (and honestly I think he takes home the trophy for man most thirsted over in COD fandom, sorry ghost but you’re all winners in my panties i mean heart I SAID HEART)

Reading: Cat/Mouse/Den by @papaver-decervicatus

idk wot it is - the tenderness and purity of their first few interactions? the forbiddenness of stumbling upon a private radio channel when they’re technically Not On The Same Side? the little GIFTS they give each other? How he can always find her despite her literally being a topranked sniper? the way their physical meet-cute is him literally catching her in his arms?! the knowledge maus can snipe him at any moment and yet konig willingly stepping into her crosshairs?  LLBLBLLLBLGLGB

That last “She’s pretty” comment for me was the emotional equivalent of stabbing me in the heart with a roughshod serrated knife in how cute it was (btw let me warn you if you haven’t already gotten the memo folx my whole brand is being aggressively encouraging and excited over fanfic and writers in an increasingly unhinged yet polite manner<3) 

in true konig fashion i love how excited he is that maus might be the literal death of him and that he would die happy if she was the one to snipe him lmao

also can anyone else relate to doing a private eye style deepdive into facebook archives stalking and searching for info about your crush and memorizing it like konig did here for mausy lmao

"It’s pathetic, the only place he feels any sort of peace is at war."

chef’s kiss, love this line. brief, but tells you so much about konig’s headspace

“A younger part of him is jealous. The older part smothers that part down as he takes in the view.”

I love this line!!! ive wondered sometimes about the science and why of attraction and maus basically living konig’s dream i feel must play a big part of why they’re so drawn to each other...and ofc no explanation needed for why she is attracted to konig because everyone is, undisputed law of nature, go look it up on wikipedia and jstor, thank you no questions at this moment

“There’s a creek at the bottom, and interesting flora marks the cliffs all the way down. He wonders what wildlife drinks from the stream down there and if there are any decent caves he could find an opening to.”

have u ever thought about what you or someone else might have been in another life, in alternate timeline? I can see biologist konig fitting in quite well in civilian life &lt;;3 LEMME DAYDREAM ABOUT ALL MY SOLDIER BOYS SAFELY RETURNING HOME FAR FROM OR NEVER HAVING TO ENDURE THE FOG AND TERROR AND HORROR OF WAR OKAY

“The exposed rock of the ravine flames to life with amazing browns and reds, and the stone sparkles like rubies and tiger’s eye stones as the sun's rays catch it.”

also sidenote the way the scenery is described here would make me want to go take a photo and download it and save it as my wallpaper; so descriptive and lovely i could see everything so clearly <3

“The sun is setting behind her. She’s very far away, but his skin prickles to life knowing that he’s being watched.”

I also love this usual role reversal of maus being the predator watching her prey (though is he arguably her prey if he wants to be caught? lol anyway putting aside the essay on existential questions in fanfic-)

It’s a beautiful place, really. It’s not such a bad place to die, he thinks. She’s a good shot. She’ll do it quickly. Nothing to fret about,really. It’s his own fault, anyways. 

I am obsessed with their chemistry but most of all something about this powerful man fully placing his life in her hands just does it for me

“I’ll bite, soldier.” She says, hurriedly, like someone might walk in on their little game. Like the teacher is about to find the two kissing in a supply closet at the school.

*me reading this line, giggling madly*

He sits down on the ground and opens his legs as wide as they’ll comfortably go and rests his cheek in his hand propped on his thigh. If he’s going to die, he’s going to give her a pretty show.

me: okay slut

also me: ✨o k a y slut✨

I also love how he’s imagining what she would be doing/how she’s reacting all based off what I assume is the equivalent of a shitty driver’s license photo he saw of her 🥰

i also feel like getting warning shots as foreplay IS so konig-coded (yes im fully aware as i type this that this man has so much fanlore, fan hcs, fanfic, faneverything out there despite not even being in the storyline of the main campaign lmao)

I also love the flip to maus’ POV - though when she notes how outrageous it is for him to keep his shiny knife on him i bet you my future firstborn that it’s to get her attention <3

also <3 sniper candy <3

also we love a girlboss who asks >100x to shoot him on sight lmao

It’s been months since the ravine and she’s seen him just about everywhere she’s been. When SpecGru was gathering intel on KorTacs drug affiliations, she saw him in the haunted deserts of Sonora, Mexico where she lies in the dirt redder than blood and coyotes sing her to sleep. She gazes down at him atop crumbling 16th-century Byzantine marble when she picks off the guards of a weapons supplier in Belgrade, Serbia. In the ancient and verdant bamboo forest of Yibin, China, hunting down spy affiliations, she camps across a creek from him for a night.

“we’ve got to stop meeting like this!” - konig, probably

He would’ve been a good sniper, in another life. If he wasn’t built like the trees she climbs for her shots.

mausy your crush is showing 🤭

He walks like a monster with three legs (and at some point about three months into their little game, she touches herself thinking about that third leg.

i mean honestly? give maus a medal for holding out for three months before succumbing, damn

The secret stays between them and their radios become the divining rods of close encounters.

secret forbidden relationship is one of my fave tropes <3

Mostly it’s just breathing on each line, mostly it’s just-

“König?”

“Maus?”

“Mhm.”

“Hmm.”

honestly this sounds more intimate than sex

She knows she should get a shrink or a good fuck to stop fucking thinking about him like this, but sometimes he whispers a joke into his radio and she laughs, and sometimes she tells him about the book she’s been reading, and sometimes he shows her his favorite knife tricks, and sometimes she tells him stories of before she was in the military and he always laughs and asks questions to show he’s actually engaged and he cares and-

this is so domestic and cute for warzone flirting <3

When they’re alone he’s the perfect gentleman, he gets no closer than when she reaches out to contact him first. When they’re not, it's a whole different story. He runs into the middle field like if he can just reach her, he can keep her. If he can carry back his conquest, well… kings get their war spoils, don’t they? It’s a terrible secret she keeps alive only in her heart, but she hopes one day he finally will.

mausy gettin bingo on all our fave kinks today, apparently

maus picking up on his knife skills and noticing his anxiety via the shaking hands (and that they don’t shake at all around her) is just peak PEAK PEAK PEAK fanfic vibes. feeling safe around someone is one of the biggest green flags in the universe and a gift <3

 It’s a shame, but she’s a little happy that it’ll be König, her cat, that’ll catch her corpse.

honestly these two were made for each other lmao

ok THE SCENE WHERE THE FIRST TIME THEY REALLY, REALLY MEET? HE KILLS FOR HER? LITERALLY PUTS HIS ARMS OUT FOR HER TO CATCH HER FALL? 

And the first thing he says is a promise. A promise of help. A promise of aid.

I was like speechless with joy and giddiness for a good minute or two reading this whole scene lmao SO SATISFYING esp with konig’s lil gasp when she falls into his arms <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 UGH PLS PAPS CAN I GIVE YOU A MEDAL??? A HUG??? A KISS???? MY UNDYING LOVE AND DEVOTION??? well in lieu of all this I’ll just give your fic multiple visits and so much rambling <3

also their first meetcute THEY EXCHANGE GIFTS????? HOW FUCKING CUTE ARE THEY GOD 

He has created, against all odds, something beautiful and delicate out of a brutal tool and doomed material.

so this absolutely stunning construction of a sentence pretty much sums up why I love COD fandom/fanfic writers so much..

I forget where I read this somewhere on this hellsite but it went something like “it’s subversive to write these men made to die/made for war, made to be loved instead” and reminds me of one of my favorite quotes that I stumbled on a random reddit Q&A 

“I get discouraged sometimes - just like everyone. I question whether my music/life/work matters at all.

The danger is letting other people define your soul's worth. Sometimes folks will like what you do, other times they'll hate it.

But I continually remind myself that I do NOT matter as a result of what I do, I matter because of who I AM. I am not a "human doing" but a "human being. " I matter simply because I was made in the image of the unmade maker, and I am loved by Love.”

“I am not a human doing, but a human being” 

“I am made in the image of love, and I am loved by Love”

“we are, against all odds, something beautiful and delicate, created out of brutal tool and doomed material” 

these words touch such a deep and core and unspeakably true part of me - that i forget often, that i find hard to believe, that i struggle to remember and cling to - and tbh one of the most frequent places I find this much-needed encouragement is in FANFICTION! <3

fanfic writers you are truly some of the most beautiful people on this planet &lt;3

anyway yeah, fanfic as therapy is a helluva drug and so fucking real

 if I could give all my beloved writers a diploma i would pay a calligrapher to write this gold leaf ink or some shit and put on my best lipstick and smooch it all over and print it out on vellum for you all <3

ANYWAY WHERE TF WAS I- o yes, simping over both maus and konig

When he turns to go she thinks how much his hands must’ve hurt to make this little thing 

this is so real; everytime I try my hand at sewing/mending (and i got tiny hands yall) for an extended period of time my fingers always end up so crampy in a uniquely painful way

i also get big “gift of the magi by o. henry” (truly one of my favorite short stories of all time) vibes from this exchange <3

(tl;dr: here, my heart, let me cut out and gift you my heart - oshit what’s that? your heart? *scrambles to catch and not break it*)

cos honestly on one level how fucking hilarious that they basically exchange a piece of wood and a rock lmao but really THEY ARE GIVING SOMETHING SO SPECIAL TO EACH OTHER <333333

The next time she sees him, about a week later, she sees him sharpening his massive field knife with the tiny whetstone on his comically large thigh, and in response, she thumbs at the wooden effigy in her pocket. They laughed into their radios to each other. 

ok how fucking hilarious and sexy that they are basically watching each other finger each other…..s' gifts

the final dialogue in chapter two needs to be in the merriam-webster dictionary under “flirting 101: peak examples”

but also omg THE EXTRA LITTLE GIFTS SHE LEAVES BEHIND FOR KONIG? HER FLINTING A HEART AND HIM SHATTERING IT IMMEDIATELY IN HIS GIANT-ASS SEXY ASS HANDS AND LEAVING HIMSELF BLEEDING AS PENANCE????? HIM IMAGINING COOKING FOR HER AND READING ALL TEH BOOKS SHE RECS HIM??? Honestly him musing about actually fucking her at the end is the LEAST sexy part of all this and the line about him aching to make her mewl did…things to me

if I could distill the maus x konig energy here into an drink, I think I could run up everest naked without breakin a sweat

The man is quick, but König is quicker, taking off through the snow like he did as a child. Running with reckless abandon, long legs carrying him faster and further than anyone else when he and his cousins would play capture the flag at his Oma’s house in Gauso. 

i love papa’s (really need to find a better nickname for writer while I write this lol) way of capturing like…the sense of child-like wonder/safety and domesticity you return to when you are in love/find yourself in the presence (physical or not) of someone you love in her writing, also why i really love this fic so much

Slicing that man clean between his ribs like a lion strikes a lamb was the second most satisfying experience of his life, greatly eclipsed by the settling of her weight against his chest when she trusted him enough to jump into his arms. 

*chanting to summon my talented fellow konig simps to draw fanart of this scene*

“You big, everywhere? I mean, with hips like those… ”

“...” Fuck, bad time to get a boner.

SIR.

hast thou not heard the term “video killed the radio star”???? you’re alone and miles away only talking via radiowaves, LITERALLY THE BEST TIME TO GET A BONER???? smh unless ofc the best time for konig is when he’s with maus &lt;3

“…he’d been chasing a little prayer in her shape. He wouldn’t have considered it ‘done’ when he gave it to her but-

Her warmth was still in his fingers, her beautiful eyes trained on him, her fantastic form somehow devoid of his blood or his filth in his rescue attempt, well. He had been praying, hadn’t he? It’s only right to pay tithing to the thing you worship. He gave her the figure, and he did so with the only real regret being that he couldn’t give her more and that he almost sullied her perfection with his violence.

also men near-worshipping the women they simp for is also a huge kink of mine (i mean whose isn’t it? also i hurt my brain trying to discern if that last sentence i wrote made sense but college was a long tiem ago for me soooo)

And to top it all off, when he wrenched himself away from her, heart heavy and entirely certain that she would never, could never, follow- she called him back and reciprocated. 

can confirm, reciprocated feelings is an indescribable feeling, war on drugs would’ve been game over day 1 if it was fought with requited feelings

When he turns away it is because his brain cannot comprehend a world in which she walks away with him.

well, snipe me right in the heart why dont you papi! (again, still need to find a different nickname for writer)

And in fairness, he would rather die than admit his treachery, not out of any misplaced moral but instead out of precaution for her safety.

honestly, husband goals

konig’s dream is p e r f e c t i o n “I love and trust you and feel safe enough to put my life into your thighshands, even if that means you’ll take it”

“Like dovetail joints, a great carpenter must have made them to fit together. There must be a God, and he must have made her to perfectly fit beside (and dare he hope, inside?) her. 

The only thing older than war to mankind is intimacy. You need soldiers for war, you need men for soldiers, and you need love to make those men. “

“He is remembering how to be human, to be a man and not a soldier, and he smiles back into her mouth.”

“She is giving him total control. Complete power and without hesitation. In her teary eyes, he sees a soldier’s trust, firm and unwavering. Ever faithful. Unquestioningly and genuinely she believes the man she’s at the mercy of will make her need no mercy. “

once again paps (yes yes need new nickname for writer, stfu mads) just dropping literary masterpieces casually

“König,” her eyes glaze over with worry. It’s a dangerous game they’re playing and they both know it. “Are you sure you want me?” She whispers, lips meeting the shell of his ear, he feels her fever pitch skin even through the fabric of his mask. His heart aches and he’s so angry with himself that she could even ask that. As if there were ever any questions. As if he has ever wanted anything else in his life like he wants this. As if there is anything else to want. As if there is anything else. 

Truly every beloved’s hopeful query and every lover’s debt to happily answer <3

 When he wakes up in his cold barracks, decidedly alone and not in between her thighs, he pounds the bed in frustration.ly ok the mood whiplash when i laughed out loud at konig pounding bed with his fists cos hes grumpy and horny

Not so dissimilar to the bride-stealing traditions his Oma had told him about as a boy.

damn oma what stories you be tellin to children lmao

though I AM recalling a medicinal anthropology class I took in college that was absolutely fascinating - we did touch on bride-napping as an actual thing in hmong culture (though from what I learned it has less IRL dubcon and more elopement vibes)

The fantasy of her is potent and life-consuming, but he is also viscerally aware that it is just that. A fantasy.

konig, thinking this, as he lives out most of his actual fantasies lmao

It is not real and despite his choking desire to be with her, he is not entirely sure she wants him.

ah yes, ‘idiots in love,’ an absolute banger of a trope

He wants so desperately to just be a fucking person for her. A person allowed weakness, a person allowed good-morning kisses, a person allowed terrible flirting, a person allowed to sit in the same room, a person allowed to touch and savor and make better another human. Allowed to heal, not harm. Allowed to save, not slaughter.

But he is a soldier, he’s not a person, and he’s not sure he ever really was a person in the first place.

The only thing he wants more than to have her is for her to want him. That hope is a delusion deeper than the ravine they met at, he’s sure. 

🥹🥹🥹🥹

yep just uh nothing happening over here, not crying over fanfic what -how dare you insinuate-

He feels no shame when he wraps his arms around the bunched comforter on his chest, imagining it’s a slight body he faithfully cradles.

*tripping, stumbling, running to pay for a custom body pillow big enough for konig to hug for his comfort* (not for me, would be too big anyways)😉😏

no literally ive thought about it i might have to do olympic-level qualifying gymnastics stretching to fit someone of his stature anyway it’s not like i made to-scale stick figure models doodled out on post-its in various creative positions to work out the physics of it or anything cough

If she knew how obsessed he’s become that he cannot help himself from having dreams about her and cannot help himself from getting off to the idea that she killed him with her fucking thighs

sir. 

please. 

i am ready to beat off the hordes of other women with a sharpened stick who would find this hot and respectful af

also obsessed with this soap who chews on pencaps and macguyvers radios to look like they’re fucking (or maus just has her head in the gutter, but really girl whose isnt??? and someone really needs to tell me if this is wrong grammatically every time i type it it sounds right)

also as a certified soap simp i also just have to say, you know you’ve got it bad when you look deep into soap’s eyes… and fantasize about another man LMAO

“No thanks,” she purrs as she finally sets herself into position.

i like this subtle nod to konig after she re-tells her katze’s joke <3 ooooo reading papaver’s writing is like eating a three-course meal at your fave comfort diner<3

The early morning light hits the streets the same way it had hit the forest ground that day.

i also love this line <3 i can picture those blue-orange sunrise hours in my head and it’s so lovely because the scene is also tinged with all the complex emotions from their first meeting

He throws it up and catches it without looking at it, instead his eyes are laser-focused on Mouse.

hothothothothothothothot (i realize just typing out hot over and over again leads you to also read thot, but honestly, still tracks)

She remembers her trigger finger twitching with sinful power, she remembers choking back the insistence at killing another lonely person, devoid of their autonomy on a basic level when they signed up for a mercenary-issued ticket to hell.

this line…is too real 

“Because they are weapons of maus-destruction. ” Konig replies like it’s not the stupidest thing she’s ever heard in her goddamn life.

somewhere simon ghost riley has to suppress the urge to put down his rifle, stand up, and do a slow golf clap

Suddenly, his eyes look lived in, like someone has just put up new curtains in an abandoned house. His whole affect changes hinging on what was an irresponsible outburst on her behalf at best.

And for the first time, she does not fear a monster hunting her through the woods, silent and purposeful in his pursuit of prey. Instead, she wants to understand a man, whose eyes have lit up like a princess has just laughed when he kissed her hand.) 

*i am suppressing the feminine urge to print out paper doll cutouts of maus and konig and just hang them around random parts of my apartment making heart eyes at each other*

Maybe, it's dangerous, to wave a steak in front of a mountain lion, but what if she wants to get mauled?

these two, a match made in heaven. truly there’s someone for everyone~

also i love this COD book club that is happening; i also have a semi-regular work meeting where I hit the jackpot of getting the most chill but passionate cohorts and our goal is basically shooting the shit & talking about stuff we love and how to share it with the world like a workhours book club and I hope everyond gets to experience a little joy in the middle of 9-5 capitalist hell that is the workweek like this <3

Soap says, pulling out a well-worn copy of The Silence of the Lambs from the bag.

“He said he picked it up years ago in Polish thinking it was a cooking field guide.”

 fucking dying

how she could rest entirely on top of his chest and not touch the ground beneath them and-

once again i fucking love their inadvertent mindreading/mirroring their shared desires unbeknownst to each other. MOVE THE FUCK ASIDE, JANE AUSTEN

also if gromsko gave me “special field medicine lessons” I would probably pay to continue them

also on this note MEN ARE SOME OF THE SNOOPIEST MOST GOSSIPY BITCHES IN THE UNIVERSE CAN I GET AN AMEN? CAN I GET A HELL YEAH? CAN I GET A WHOOP WHOO-

she basks infatuated by the calamitous captivation he exhibits.

*fanning myself with ripped out pages of shakespeare and hemingway to burn at papaver’s altar*

When he lifts his hood to blow a kiss to her, she knows she will never get her traitorous heart back.

sir??

excuse me sir????

i thought you were told you couldn’t be a sniper? what the fuck is this tender bullshit of a snipe straight to my heart-

also that last chappy YAY ENEMIES TO ALMOST-LOVERS TO ALMOST-ENEMIES, LITERALLY CANNOT FIND THIS TROPE ANYWHERE!!!!

He’s always hoped to be able to pound down into her quaking form. 

the first time i read this i blacked out after seeing the phrase “pound down” and instead all i remember after slapping myself awake is actually reading the phrase “he’s always hoped to take her to pound town”

also why am i hot for righteous konig in shining armor being willing to go from zero to murder when he thinks maus is a pimp

and the INDIRECT KISSING VIA THE CIGGY? UNFFFFFHHH FUCKING KILL ME NOW SO I CAN DIE HAPPY (yes i am so easily pleased, sue me)

also i shrieked when maus kicks her crotch up WITHIN SPITTING/BITING DISTANCE OF KONIG PLEASE I WOULD PAY TO WATCH THIS FEATURE LENGTH FILM????

The throbbing in his pants also suggests that he’s probably forgiven her by now as well. 

*nodding sagely* yes, boners never lie

also maus slapping konig while he’s holding a knife between his teeth is big step on me queen energy

also the requital and reciprocation of the lines and actions they feed each other is just- one moment: *goes to sephora to buy more lipgloss as i ran out while giving chef’s kisses in bulk to papaver*

i love that konig is passing the time just being horny for maus, an efficient king 🫡

also when i saw gosau austria mentioned i went down a hole googling where it is/pictures and it is absolutely beautiful!!!! 

I eagerly await updates papi <3 

[eternalera]

while were talkin abt creepypasts who’s yur fav one? i really liked jane the killer and eyeless jack for some reason :3 but now im really drawn towards nina :D

okay hear me out-

i love nina sm. I used to hate her and think sh was cringe but then i saw this one interpretation of her and i was just absolutely in love. her aesthetic is just *chefs kiss* and her personality being all bubbly and bat shit insane is just perfect. she literally represents all of the fangirls and basically obsession in a person and its amazing

honestly my interpretation of her is that she gets random obsessions hence the whole jeff the killer obsession but that isnt her latest obsession anymore. now its more grunge hello kitty style yknow and that shit

shes so bubblegum coded yknow-

i also really like ticci toby or just toby because i just love his little bubbly personality and him being hyper- i love hyper characters in general but-

YES JANEEEEE i love her aesthetic AND shes lesbian!!!!!

also ej was one of my first stories ive ever read and i love ittttt. idk i just really love the whole fnadom and shit :>>>>

but yes nina and toby are my favorites. it also depends on interpretations so yeah :)

[yuukei-yikes]

give 5 of your favorite takane headcanons plzplz *big eyes*

this has been sitting in my inbox for a few weeks cuz i was trying to come up with something i havent drawn/talked about before but whatever Lets fucking go even if i repeat shit OK FIRST OF ALL. THE FUCKING SLEEVES. takane post str keeping the ene sleeves bc of sensory issues my beloved <3 i think he rly tries to laugh it off at first kinda like in denial but eventually gives in (or like in that comic i made haruka talks her into it and how its ok a lil bit too)

i also drew this in a harutaka i posted but takane randomly giving static shock to people when they touch them ajdhnsakdjskf <- something having the long sleeves also helps with cuz that way he doesnt have to actually touch anyone. victims of this most often are haruka (by accident) and shintaro (on purpose). also its hair randomly standing up bc. static. this makes no sense ofc but i think its a funny and silly way to translate takane's power in her physical body. the more time he spends as ene the more charged with random electricity its physical body is. RIP harutaka kisses they kinda hurt. u can make the our love is electrifying joke only like 3 times before it becomes annoying. eventually takane thinks haruka becomes immune but in reality he just gets used to it

this is kinda canon ig cuz of that saiyuki comic abt enoshima(was it enoshima. i might be misremembering LOL whatever the picture contest one) where its implied shes been playing for a living so streamer vtuber ene REAL. a hit bc its an insane fucking model to have. when asked who made it enes just like ohh sorry the guy who made is my teacher who died lol!!! maybe theres a bunch of conspiracy videos abt it because ene stops going online for 2 years and then theyre back but instead of a silent stream like it always was its THIS. huge hit though. its awesome. streamer takane is so real not only does he use its power for a job but its also basically "kay time to go to work *falls asleep*" takane being the only? mekadan guy who actually loves their power and actively uses it post str will never not be funny they/she/he/it takane btw. if you even care. bisexual nonbinaries eating hot chip and lying. blue hair AND pronouns. ALSO THE BLUE HAIR ive also drawn this a few times but takane chopping all its hair off+dyeing it blue my beloved. post str takane is never rly drawn with the long hair he has when she gets his body back but ummm i think itd be funny if post str they had it and cut it straight to short from there. i do not want to see the no9 novel ever tbh im fine with it being buried and dead but omg....takane design without the stupid fucking pigtails im BEGGING id kill to see a canon takane design without them. but i live in my delusion and in it theres short blue hair and pronouns!!!

not so much of a takane headcanon more of a general one but also sort of related. im so fascinated by what saeru must've told haruka and takane's parents. haruka was gonna die anyway so his dad wouldnt be surprised but theres No Body? i think for him he was probably a little gaslighted abt seeing him dead and by how he is described maybe he wouldve been fine with never looking at his son dead+convinced to have a closed casket by his old pal mr tateyama and just buried an empty casket for haruka.

but for takanes grandma its so complicated bc she had no REASON to have takane disappear like that. basically i think saeru gaslights gatekeeps girlbosses so hard like gaslights both’s parents to hell and back but especially takanes grandma bc harukas dad is more or less covered but with all its money and resources it can cover up haruka and takanes disappearances altogether so takanes just. Gone. and this poor womans rly has no answers, no closure, no nothing. takane just vanishes!!! grandma enomoto protagonist when. i think itd be funny if she went full on old woman conspiracy theory mode or just tries to move on with this huge mystery behind. takane and grandma reunion i want to see it. haruka with his dad too tbh im rly curious what theyd tell them and what theyve been told LOL

i think haruka and takane dont go back to their families immediately bc they have no fucking clue what to even say so they stay in the hideout for the time being (would the dan move to the tateyama house post str? i read this in a fic once i think itd make sense and i always go sniff sniff imagining mekatrio+mary saying goodbye to the 107 apt). but for takane it sort of becomes urgent bc um it starts becoming apparent she needs its meds and the dan does NOT have the funds so while haruka can wait it out takane is like forced to go back home. i think at first takane would try to pull thru bc with its powers he can still hang out and stuff but its rather haruka/shintaro/ayano being like UMMMM... YEA U NEED UR MEDS. yuukei quartet visiting enomoto grandma WHEN!!!!!!they go 4 emotional support/help to explain i thinks. i think they wouldve known her back then too cuz in the sixth novel haruka mentions they go to takane's house for ayano's bday party after the gaming event.

ummm... sorry this got long. sits down. sry theyre all moslty post str headcanons LOL post str my beloved

[grenadineghost]

hi hi juni :3 for albums: crush on me, burn pygmalion, the bifrost incident, and ed buys houses!! choose as many or as few as you want :D

aaa omg ty!! putting it under the cut bc wow im really really rambly hehe

CRUSH ON ME by Sir Babygirl

The best song on the album

HAUNTED HOUSE. SONG OF ALL TIME. such a perfect song. the ENERGY the MADNESS of the lyrics the way she ends up singing so high pitched he's screaming???

My favorite song on the album

Haunted House. its the best and my favorite and its perfect. song that jumpstarted my haunted house obsession. i am not normal.

My least favorite song on the album

Flirting With Her - Reprise. I think every song is great and important to the cohesive piece of art the album is but the reprises aren't as exciting and this one's intro always sounds like a song from Into The Woods lol

The most overrated song on the album

Heels is one of the only songs with above a million plays which is like,, it deserves that love but there are more interesting songs in the album lol. still a jam though

Most underrated

Everyone Is A Bad Friend. it has very few listens, i think it kinda gets buried because its more melancholic and doesnt have a chorus but holy shit this song wraps its fist around my heart and squeezes. and the repetition of the first half is needed so you can escalate into the "so you think you're good at goodbyes?" part and build up this downward spiral and hljskddk.

The banger of all bangers

THATS RIGHT ITS HAUNTED HOUSE AGAIN! listen i just think haunted house is the best song ever, and if we're defining bangers as high energy and danceability holy shit this song has so much energy. it never stops. its this perfect descent into madness and revelry and i go insane. hi

Rate from 0-10

10/10. this album has HAUNTED HOUSE on it, and everyone is a bad friend and cheerleader, and its maybe the only album i listen to where i NEVER skip a song. its p much a perfect album.

BURN PYGMALION!!!: A BETTER GUIDE TO ROMANCE by The Scary Jokes

The best song on the album

DEATH THRICE DRAWN BABEY!!! such a fucking weird beautiful whimsical ethereal jam. its a perfect representation of the scary jokes - strange and offputting and beautiful and synthy and poetic and gay

My favorite song on the album

Death Thrice Drawn hehe. its,,, my gender, i think. but its tied with No Leverage / No Pleasure!!!! that song is,,, im not gonna fully get into my anxieties but sometimes i feel like my emotions are going to set fire to me and this song is just the perfect story of self destruction. look i have no doors ive torn through the walls ive ripped up the floors laid waste to it all!

My least favorite song on the album

i skip pygmalion sleepyhead and bets against the void more bc i just dont like slower songs as much but i think Your Vicious Kin is the only song ive like never really sought out so its probably that. still good though hehe

The most overrated song on the album

Community Gardens. it pains me to say that because Community Gardens is AMAZING and its the perfect start to the story and it deserves all the love it gets but like cmon the rest of the album deserves that love too! there are more weird songs with strange and heartwrenching lyrics cmonnnn love them all

Most underrated

Wrath of the Termite King, maybe! i might just be saying this bc it was underrated PERSONALLY for a while - i didnt really care that much about it for a long time but lately ive fallen in love with it hehe. its really fun to sing and my best friend taught me how to play it on ukulele so thats a good memory and its so good. tbh i think this entire album is underrated - scary jokes fans seem to prefer april fools and like yeah its great but burn pygmalion is... astounding

The banger of all bangers

Death Thrice Drawn!!!!! It's probably the highest energy track on here and its such a fun weird jam and its perfect to dance to. i need to kiss a girl to this song. who said that

Rate from 0-10

12/10. its perfect. this is my favorite album of all time. i really do consider it perfect - i love every song on it and even the ones i skip more are so beautiful and necessary for the story. something i love about this album is you would expect it to end tragically. jeanine literally burns sylvia's house down!! but then you get crushed out on soda beach and get this surrender to her emotions and the album ends in bets against this void, this connection between jeanine and sylvia, this acknowledgement of how they feel and its... the first time i listened to this album, the day it came out, i expected "a better guide to romance" to be ironic. but i... i do actually think its a better guide to romance. instead of ending in tragedy it ends in them starting to figure out how to work through everything together and its... its really important to me. ALSO THE SYNTHS HOLY SHIT SO GOOD

THE BIFROST INCIDENT by The Mechanisms

The best song on the album

maybe Losing Track? this album goes crazy insane w motifs and character themes and i love how this song brings them all together, its really well done.

My favorite song on the album

ODIN!!!!!!!!! such a fucking jam!!!!! my favorite mechs song by far. it has so much energy and there really is this sense of like,,, excitement and wonder and fuck i want her voice and its just perfectly subtly ominous. also its v cool how it kinda sounds like a train steaming ahead :3 works v well with the story. girlbossing

My least favorite song on the album

im gonna be real? Red Signal. i like it, its a fucking wild twist, and you have to admire the man for going FUCKING INSANE AND COMMITTING TO IT but also like i always skip it lol. i mean ok i think i skip ragnarok v end of the line more when on shuffle but thats just bc i dont like slower/sadder songs as much, i think i like it a bit more than red signal

The most overrated song on the album

much as others like red signal more than me i cant say its overrated because its fucking insane and deserves that appreciation. i guess i'd say Thor? i mean i fucking ADORE thor but im a little surprised its so much more played than anything else on the album (espc bc the lyrics are v story focused? like odin and loki well as standalone tracks but thor is less internal i guess. but idk its a fucking jam though

Most underrated

idk i feel like all the tracks are p rated tbh. i guess ill say Odin? there are less played tracks that i adore but like I guess I'm surprised it's not the most popular when Thor and Loki are like the top mechanisms songs on spotify

The banger of all bangers

RAGNAROK I: RUNAWAY!!! the ragnaroks are all so fun and this one is such a perfect "oh shit oh god we fucked up oh no what the fuck what the fuck is happening". its such a perfect snap into the madness that is the second half of the story and its REALLY FUN TO SING??? i love fast songs where the lyrics just doesnt stop happening and you just power through them kdhjsl

Rate from 0-10

honestly? it might be a 10! there are albums i love more but this is such a perfect cohesive story. its.... as a story its amazing. the motifs the songs the tragic space lesbians the norse myth references the "missle two killed baldr". its soo silly and fucked up and i love it and the twist is FUCKING INSANE.

ED BUYS HOUSES by Sidney Gish

The best song on the album

I mean, Presumably Dead Arm is amazing. But Sidney Gish has released other better versions of it so I'll say What Do You Want From Me Tonight cause that's such a nice sweet well done song that kinda perfectly encapsulates her music.

My favorite song on the album

tbh? Hexagons and Other Fun Materials. its light and silly and its the perfect song to listen to while doing homework you dont want to do.

My least favorite song on the album

Friday Night Placebo is the only one I skip. Listen, slower songs have to work harder to get to me and Friday Night Placebo is boringgg.

The most overrated song on the album

Friday Night Placebo. See above hehe. I was surprised to see its like the 3rd top played song on here.

Most underrated

Cokesbury has the least listens so I'll say that I guess? I mean it's not my favorite but it's good! I don't really listen to it often but. I think like a lot of Sidney Gish songs it ends up working into a groove where it does the thing its doing very confidently without distraction. And it's not slow!

The banger of all bangers

You know what? Its !Ed Buys Houses!. weird to call it the most banger when its entirely acapella but most of this album is p relaxed indie, I think Ed Buys Houses is the perfect song for dancing in the kitchen and putting your whole pussy into it for the under one minute duration.

Rate from 0-10

Hm,, 7? It's really good and I don't listen to it too often ghjkl I think I prefer No Dogs Allowed a bit but its still really good. Also I don't have a place to mention it but Sidney Gish was one of my last pre-covid shows and it was so fun and during the last verse of homecoming serf the mic started slipping and so she fixed it perfectly in time to change the lyrics to "there's no more time left to let the mic fall down" and the crowd went wild and YOU HAD TO BE THERE OKAY

thank you so much for the ask hehe i. love talking about albums i like :3

[leclercenjoyer]

SWEATER STEALING

oh sweater stealing... one of my greater demons... i had originally planned it as a "3 times este stole pierre's sweater" type of fic (born of me thinking "hm, what if i wrote something borrowed again But More) but every time i tried to write it or outline it the pacing kept driving me insane so it's been on the backburner while i work on other things, and i'm not sure whether to distill it into One Time and make it like a. developing relationship to lovers type thing or whether to completely gut it for scraps and use the parts ive got for something else (ive already... pilfered parts of it for a different fic, so whichever one ends up getting written first ill cut those parts out of the other one with an x-acto knife.) i do LIKE most of the prose i have for it so far but i just cant make it cohere.

SNIPPET under the cut:

This is the first time he’s been at Pierre’s apartment and he feels a little awkward, standing there in the entryway, like a foreign body in Pierre’s life. This isn’t really something they do, historically, although they’ve hooked up a few times over the past few months since they’ve been teammates (however ill-advised it may be, and Esteban knows it’s not the best decision they’ve ever made, but he’s at a place in his life where he doesn’t have to deny himself this). So far it’s been meetups of convenience in hotel rooms, rushed encounters in their driver’s rooms, on one memorable occasion a sloppy blowjob in a maintenance closet at the Alpine headquarters at Enstone. But never anywhere permanent.

Never anywhere real.

“-in the guest bedroom– are you even listening to me?” Pierre chides, that stupid half smirk on his face that Esteban can never decide whether he wants to slap or kiss off his face. Esteban shakes himself out of his reverie, stepping further into the apartment, hoisting his bag further up his shoulder where it had started to slip.

“I was just. Looking around?” Esteban offers, and Pierre rolls his eyes.

“Well, look less. Like I was saying, you can drop your bag in the guest bedroom. I even changed the sheets,” and he says the last part jokingly, but the wheels start spinning in Esteban’s head. 

He’s not sure what he expected, or if he even expected anything at all, being asked over like this, whether he thought they would share a bed or not, whether this was even an attempted proposition or just Pierre’s own opaque way of trying to be companionable, if they really were just hanging out as something that keeps getting closer and closer to friends.

Esteban still isn’t quite sure where the lines are drawn, between estranged to former to sort of again friends, teammates but still kind of rivals and now occasional hookup. At this point, he’s not sure if there even are lines or, if there are, they keep morphing when he isn’t looking, or Pierre keeps moving them around, erasing and redrawing until they both end up tangled in the cross-hatching.