#I think this is going to be a fun one once I finalise the plot

[lilacxquartz]

part 6 of 19 of kinktober: foursome

mahito x reader

plot: mahito surprises you by splitting his body into three copies of himself — themes: group sex, mahito changing his body to have tentacles, tongue throating, smut, anal, m/m/m/f, foursomes, f!reader — a/n: all consensual here, wanted to play around with such an imagine — w.c: ~1.6k

kinktober masterlist • main masterlist • ao3

“Can I help you with something?” you asked Mahito who was otherwise stood right before you; his eyes so dazed yet so focused at the same time, as though wide with fleeting wonder.

“Wanna see something fun?” he asked after a moment of unsettling silence.

Knowing Mahito, you couldn’t help but feel some sort of dread nestle within the depths of your stomach. Albeit reluctantly, you however did nod as to confirm your curiosity.

Noticing your discomfort, the patch faced cursed spirit giggled to himself rather suspiciously but seemed to be restraining himself into a smoother, more casual demeanour.

You then watched with wary eyes as he did something not only strange, but surely impossible.

Even for him.

Like the tethering flame of a dry wick kissing a burning flame, Mahito slowly emerged as a secondary, seemingly separated life form. You stared with a wide, unblinking gaze as his body began to split, plopping out another version of him.

It took a hot moment for you to even process what was going on. A thought that you must have been hallucinating had crossed your mind for a second, but no matter how you tried to shake off what you were seeing; you couldn’t.

You faltered for a second longer before regaining your voice again, quizzing him at an almost bewildered tone, “I beg your finest pardon?”

“Impressed?” the Mahito closest to you had asked. The clone version. His voice was equally smooth and seemingly equally just as playful as his original counterpart.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes for a moment, trying to ground yourself while taking a long, deep breath. With a still shaky tone, you tried your best to keep it all together, but you couldn’t quite retain your composure completely, “I’m not… too surprised, actually. I’m just floored that this is even possible to begin with.”

The two of them laughed in response, both sounding eerily similar yet somehow vaguely different. It was very clearly that they both found this whole situation deeply amusing, although there was a slight inkling of something else that lingered beneath the surface. It wasn’t quite unlike Mahito to prod at your boundaries and test the limits of what you could and could not handle, but it didn’t seem to be going in such a direction.

Before you had a chance to gather your thoughts and finalise them however, the cursed spirit managed to split off once more and reveal a third addition to his two other copies.

With fluttering eyes, you locked in on the sight before you.

There were three of them.

Three.

Your mouth opened to say something, anything, but no such words came.

Just what the hell was this, exactly?

“What’s the matter?” one of them asked, their voice taunting yet somehow alluring at the same time.

“What’s the matter…?” you repeated in a strained whisper, your mind still racing to process whatever mess he had plunged you into now. Which one of them was even speaking to you right now, anyway? Was this the original? Or was it one of the other… clones?

Another Mahito that hovered near the side of the other two decided to chime in as well, “You’re looking a little overwhelmed, huh?”

Was… was this one the original? You couldn’t even tell anymore. Although, there was one version of him that was surely unsettling. The one that lingered towards the side, watching you from the shadows. That particular version of him had no playfulness leftover in his demeanour, with all accounts of his nonchalant personality replaced with something dread inducing instead.

“Just think,” one of the more laidback versions spoke up, tearing your attention away, “the more of me, the better right?”

The other one seemed to agree with himself, “Yeah, that’s right. Now you get to have three times the fun.”

You hadn’t really quite noticed it right away, but the three of them had managed to close in on you by now, walking you up against the living room wall. The sensation of the cool brick pressing against your spine threw you off a little, prompting you to flinch.

Yet, the three Mahitos were undeterred, still easing as closely possible towards you. It wasn’t that you were put off by this development—it was quite the opposite actually—but you didn’t want to admit it. That in the presence of three of him, you were flustered, maybe even aroused.

And given the hungry looks on each of their faces, it was highly likely that they all had the same idea going on. You paused for a moment, narrowing your eyes at the sight. Of course they were all thinking the same thing, surely. They were still one person—one curse, after all—just sectioned off into three.

Ah, how confusing it all was, but you were slowly losing your ability to otherwise care, blinded by your own arousal.

The middle Mahito pressed his body against your own, trapping you between him and the wall. His hand snaked around your waist, coiling down to your core like organic springs, while the others manoeuvred around however and wherever they could.

Dipping your arm below your hips, the middle Mahito continued onwards with his pursuit by pushing down at your jeans and your underwear in unison, dropping the fabric down to the floor. His fingers then closed and pointed, webbing together and morphing into a tentacle-like appendage that speared into the enveloping pull of your cunt.

The quieter, more unnerving Mahito turned your head off to the side while the middle one continued to drive himself into your body, by pressing his lips against yourself and slipping his tongue inside. Similar to the middle version, the fleshy muscle seemed to only lengthen itself, vining into the back of your throat and quite literally taking your breath away.

Muffled whines and moans slipped out of your throat as you barely processed the progression of events. The writhing pass in between your legs had bloated and swelled, pushing inhuman lengths of reach. It partially hurt, but also felt pleasurable in a way that was unlike anything you have ever felt before. At last however, the tongue retracted from your throat, allowing you to pass a low whimper on its removal.

The one opposite off to the side didn’t give you too much time to think however, turning you over towards him with an impatient gesture and repeating the actions of the quieter one—of who positioned himself right behind you next. While both your pussy and your throat were occupied, he freed his erection from slightly pulling down at his trousers and position himself at your slightly parted cheeks. Spitting onto his tip, he coated the head of cock in saliva before pressing it against the opening of your ass, easing himself into the tight position, though allowing you to take him in slowly.

“Keep up,” the quieter one murmured, the playfulness still somehow absent from his voice unlike with the other two. Something about such a development was both thrilling yet worrying, but you didn’t have neither the time nor the opportunity to think.

You tried your best to keep up, feeling his throbbing length press become swallowed by the encasing muscles, feeling ever so slightly overwhelmed at the prospect of being filled up by three of him. The one tightly packed in your behind, pushing himself back and forth in heated, almost feverish motion. It almost felt like he was tearing you apart, splitting into you with every grunted plunge.

Meanwhile, the one in the front was quickly getting a rise from within you. Morphing veins and ridges over his twisting arm, he elicited raw pleasure from filling you out in every sense of the word. His other hand focused on creating a suction-like addition, that he held clean over your clit, further feeding into the sensation.

Thoroughly stuffed to the brim by all three of them, your body began to quickly writhe and convulse as it succumbed to almost numbing bliss.

“Aw, are you going to cum already?” the one in front of you teased, although his tone of voice seemed to be almost endearing.

All you could do was give a slight nod of your occupied head, still being throated by his other self pushing his elongated tongue back and forth down your throat while the other continued to pound away ruthlessly into your ass.

Still keeping the sensation going, he removed his other hand from your clit, easing down to his knees instead while keeping his arm still thrusting into you. Propping open his mouth, he speared his tongue over towards your clit in a similar fashion to how the other two used their tongues, driving a focus on the sensitive bud. The wet muscle flicked and lapped over the nub, bringing you closer and closer towards your finish.

It was swift due to the overwhelming amount of both pleasure and pressure alike, but your lower stomach soon had found its limit. In a tight squeeze, your thighs quivered and clenched tight against his arm, while your hips stuttered from an intensely milked out orgasm.

Melting against the wall in much sought after recovery, the other two withdrew from you and seemed to fuse back together with the original, who seemed to be the one in the middle. You blinked at the sight, but didn’t question it anymore, needing to rest more than to process the madness he just demonstrated.

“Now imagine if i could make even more of me,” Mahito laughed to himself, settling right beside you to join you in your rest.

You gulped, unable to quite imagine the prospect of even more of him, feeling your cheeks redden from the very thought in near anticipation.

With a weary light hearted scoff, you leaned your head over his shoulder and felt your eyes droop shut. “Yeah, imagine…”

(Although a part of you couldn’t wait for all this to happen again. And again. …And again.)

[insanelycooljk]

tell me about the bmc deh crossover!

send me the title of one of my deh wips and I’ll share an excerpt/tell you a bit about it

oh absolutely!!! I’ve got BIG plans for this one, so it’s going to take a while to finish, but I think it’s going to be worth it :)

The concept is very straight foward and I’m sure has been done many times before, but basically the bmc and deh kids go to same school, and the musicals respective storylines occur simultaneously.

Honestly I can’t tell you much about the actual plot yet because I’m still working it out, but the squip and connor project storylines will be very intertwined. The plan is for it to be very character-driven so I can tell you about the pre-existing relationships between the bmc and deh kids instead!

Jeremy and Jared

so I made a post about this a little while ago because I just can’t get the idea out of my head but, Jeremy and Jared have a very antagonistic relationship. I can’t explain why but I feel like Jeremy just... irrationally hates Jared. Like, he has no real reason to hate him, he doesn’t bully him or anything like Rich does, but Jeremy just doesn’t like him. It’s mostly because Jared’s shitty sense of humour and the asshole persona he puts on at school but yeah, Jere just doesn’t like him at all.

On that, Jeremy and Evan are kind of friends, and since Jeremy doesn’t like Jared’s sense of humour he definitely doesn’t like how he talks to Evan sometimes

Teachers always mix them up (wrol Jere rights baby!!) and it drives Jeremy crazy lmao

Also Jared is sort of friends with Rich so like... that understandably doesn’t sit well with Jeremy either

And Jeremy’s irrational hatred of Jared is like... extra funny because Jared is completely oblivious lmao. He barely even knows who Jeremy is.

Also, Jared is pretty friendly with Michael, and Jeremy doesn’t quite realise this yet but perhaps... he is jealous 😳

Jared and Rich

Rich and Jared is an interesing one. I mean, Jared is kind of a loser so originally after getting the SQUIP Rich bullied him too.

Except unlike Jeremy, Michael or Evan, Jared actually talks back to Rich and gives him shit too. We know Jared’s not particulary great at jokes under pressure (what are you, like...an acorn??), but he manages to be snarky enough/put up enough of a cocky front that Rich finds him funny and lays off him a bit

So whilst the SQUIP strongly discourages it, he ends up being sort of friends with Jared. Rich’s SQUIP actually kind of uses it as bribing material a little bit, it will let Rich keep being friends with Jared if he does X task the SQUIP wants him to do. That kind of thing :(

The bullying becomes more friendly teasing that goes both ways. Although sometimes Rich’s SQUIP will make him say some homophoic shit that really fucking hurts, but Jared just lets it slide. Partially because he’s still kind of scared of Rich, partially because he definitely doesn’t want to out himself, but mostly:

Jared’s realised that in addition to not being bullied by Rich himself anymore, his semi-friendship with Rich means Rich tends to leave Evan alone now. Which to Jared is definitely worth half-heartedly laughing at whatever hurtful shit Rich says in order to maintain the friendship.

Jared and Michael

Ok so I also said Jared and Michael are kind of friends.

They’ll become much closer later on in the fic when they can bond over their only friend ditching them for popularity/a chance to be with the girl they’re crushing on and are lowkey obssessed with

But at the beginning they’re not quite friends. They both do IT and they sit together in class, but they don’t really talk about much besides their work.

They do have a bit of a rivalry going on though. They’re the top two students in their IT class so they’re very competitive when it comes to tests/assignments/grades.

Also Jared can tend to be a bit of an attention seeker in class, so he’ll make a lot of stupid remarks and jokes that sometimes Michael can’t help but laugh at. He tries not to though because he doesn’t want to give Jared the satisfaction of knowing Michael thinks he’s funny.

And yeah competiveness/rivalry? Could definitely be interpretted as flirting so I can see why Jeremy might be jealous lmao

oh my god why does literally every character so far have some kind of rivalry with Jared ?? What it is about that boy that made my brain go “yeah all the bmc kids just lowkey wanna throw hands with him” ? idk but the idea is making me laugh. I love Jared but he does get on people’s nerves sometimes

Alana and Jenna

Now THIS is a friendship (or who knows, maybe something more??) I’m very excited about

Just think about it, both girls are actually so similar. They both feel invisible and lonely and like no one really cares about them. And unlike say Evan, who doesn’t really actually try to make other friends, both girls make SUCH an effort to be loud and be seen. Jenna with her gossip and Alana with her extremely bubbly and friendly persona.

I think it’s just a really interesting dynamic since they have very different personalities, but deep down they're both struggling with the same feelings of being invisible and unwanted.

Unlike the other relationships above, Alana and Jenna don’t actually have much of a pre-existing relationship. Mostly because Jenna is popular by association with Chloe/Brooke/Jake/Rich, and Alana is defintely not popular.

But, they grow closer working on The Connor Project together, which Jenna is going to play a big part in.

Jenna is the one who records Evan’s YWBF speech and helps it go viral. Alana then suggests they recruit her to join the project as their social media manager. Evan and Jared are freaking out because the last thing they need right now is for the project to go viral and risk the truth coming out, but eventually they see how much good the project is actually doing and realise that this is so much bigger than themselves now, so agree to let her on board.

Ok this is getting very long now lmao so I’m just gonna share a few more quick thoughts

A lot of people don’t like Alana because they find her very intense. Most people she tries to talk to (eg. Evan/Jared/Jeremy) don’t really engage with her, they’ll just make half-hearted conversation as if they’re just waiting for her to leave already. But one of the few people who is genuinely kind to her and actually listens and doesn’t just brush her off is Michael. So they’ve got a nice relationship. (Connor is one of the other people who is kind to Alana. Ooh also probably Christine too, because I can’t imagine her being anything but kind to anyone)

No one else really knows this, not even Jeremy, but Michael is actually quite affected by Connor’s death. They definitely weren’t friends, Michael honestly knew nothing about Connor, but sometimes if Michael’s having a bad day he likes to skip class and smoke behind the school. And often when he did he’d find Connor there too. They never talked much, mostly just sat in comfortable silence, but sometimes it was nice to just have someone else there. Michael doesn’t like sneaking out to smoke during school anymore because he really feels Connor’s absence. And he can’t help but wonder if anything would be different if he ever made a genuine effort to talk to Connor on those days.

Christine and Jared. That’s it, that’s all I have to say lmao. They’d have the same chaotic energy as post-SQUIP Rich and Jared. Jared’s parents have been bugging him about trying to join some clubs this year, or just do something that will look good on his college applications. Obviously later on that becomes The Connor Project, but at the start of the year he signs up to do tech for the school play. So, that’s how Jared and Christine meet. Jared being Jared does his best to push her away and avoid getting close, but this is Christine we’re talking about, she’s not gonna let that happen that easily. So, they end up becoming friends.

Alright I’m gonna stop this here or else this post will never end, but I’m definitely excited about eventually finishing this one!

[characteroulette]

well all rightie then, it’s time to analyse how DGS1 handles grief really well in my opinion

(once again, spoilers for all of DGS1)

(also some spoilers for the original trilogy games) (and a little of DGS2)

okay So my thesis statement here is that Asougi’s character in DGS1 is the vessel through which Ryuunosuke and Susato’s grief is explained. Everything about how they relate to Asougi is their dealing with their grief in a simple message: Loss hits hard, but you have to continue to live and love. Life Goes On, shaping that grief into yourself if you allow it.

We start off with Case 1 as our baseline. The set-up. It’s a routine to show what life is like for Ryuunosuke before tragedy. (Fitting for an AA protagonist to have their baseline of normal being accused of murder.) This case does a really, really good job of setting up Asougi as our friend, our partner, whom we might spend the rest of the game with.

(I mean, the death flag’s kinda obvious if you’re genre-savvy; the mentor must die so that the student may grow into their own. But Asougi’s so likeable! He’s confident, genuine with Ryuunosuke, comfortably teasing, and looks at you with the same eyes as Klavier. What’s not to love? Also that small hint of something deeper is so tantalising that for it to go unresolved is pretty unthinkable.)

It’s important for us to see how much Asougi means to Ryuunosuke, how much the two really are best friends. This set-up is pivotal to what happens next in Case 2: the drop.

The way Ryuunosuke reacts to learning about Asougi’s death is real. He tries to deny it at first, can’t bring himself to believe it. Especially since he’s been accused of the crime! But the moment he sees that photo of Asougi that Sherlock took, that’s where the truth of it hits and he can’t run from it anymore. All he can do is try to push past that biting grief to at least solve his friend’s murder and set things right.

Susato’s own grief is portrayed really well here, too. She’s so angered and clouded by it that she totally ignores the fact that Asougi and Ryuunosuke are best friends and believes Ryuunosuke to be the murderer. Really, she just blames Ryuunosuke because it’s easier that way, since the wound cuts just as deep for her.

What really strikes me, though, is how the whole case isn’t just a one-note misery. Like real life, the two slip into sadness when they remember their dear friend, but they’re still able to joke around. They still get upset or sarcastic or excited. Because, though their grief affects them immensely, the message is that life continues. It can’t just stop for them like it did for their friend; life goes on. Not out of malice, but out of necessity.

Also, the way Sherlock acknowledges their grief is pretty great. That felt hugely validating to me, how he tells them that their mourning is important and how his jovial, joking tone was never properly taking that into account. The way he continues breaking in at the end to lighten the mood, too, is his own genuine way of trying to help, exhausting though he may be. It’s appreciated, at the least, to keep us the players from breaking down into tears as the conclusion rolls with no real satisfaction at the mystery being solved.

That final conversation between Susato and Ryuunosuke, at least, is hugely cathartic to make up for that. It sounds like it should feel rushed, honestly, dealing with the majority of the grieving process in just Case 2, but it doesn’t at all. It seems properly healthy, like the two are doing their best by confiding and taking comfort in one another in order to celebrate Asougi’s goals, to keep going where he can’t. Ryuunosuke and Susato both form their resolve here to continue to live, not just for Asougi, but for themselves as well. For life’s sake.

Because, again, life goes on.

(A brief tangent: Seeing the contrast of this story versus the original trilogy is also a really neat sort of view into Shu Takumi’s growth as a writer. Or the AA series’ growth as a whole. How Edgeworth handled his grief by never really acknowledging it in AA1, how he basically ran away from it by refusing to live as a sort of punishment against himself, is really sad. Then Phoenix handling his grief in JFA by turning to anger and resentment is just as heartbreaking. Phoenix disavows himself from it, trying to spare himself the pain by denying it, which only hurt him more and he had to have everyone around him break him out of that awful mindset. Then in T&T it’s Godot’s grief which drives the plot, as he turns his anger on Phoenix unjustly. He blames Phoenix for Mia’s death and lashes out at everyone instead of allowing himself the time to properly grieve.

And then DGS1 comes along to say that maybe the answer is just that life goes on and we have healthier ways to reconcile with our grief and it’s just real neat to see!)

In Case 3 and 4, we can see through Ryuunosuke’s discussion with Lord Vortex (/Stronghart) the continuation of his handling this grief. It’s a burden, one Ryuunosuke doesn’t fully understand, but he fervently takes upon himself because we want to live for those we’ve lost. (It is the Wright way, the Naruhodou way, to take on the aspirations of the friends you’ve lost. To mimic their mannerisms, their ambitions, in order to keep them close to your heart.)

(That’s a whole other can of worms I could dive into, honestly, how their decision to give Ryuunosuke all of Phoenix’s poses for the whole ancestor vibe while ALSO making it clear that Ryuunosuke took them from Asougi to begin with, it’s just. It’s good, it’s perfect, it’s the same brand of gay the series is known for and I’m love it.)

You also see, as the trial of Case 3 progresses, how Ryuunosuke is basically just living off of ‘what would Asougi do?’ as Susato coaches him along and it’s fun and bittersweet all the way through. Case 4 is where he gains more confidence in himself, but he still defaults to thinking of Asougi’s unwavering trust in him to help him and every time it’s handled with tenderness and shows just how much Ryuunosuke loved his friend.

And, if you’re like me and take every opportunity to examine Asougi’s badge and present it to Susato (/others), you see how they continue to grow with their grief. It starts off with both of them being unable to say much, still weighed down heavily by Asougi’s loss. Though they are continuing and life goes on, it’s still a wound too fresh to approach and hard for them to properly explain.

By Case 5, though, the two of them are more conversational. They’ve found their words, they’ve mended that wound as much as possible so that life won’t leave without them. It still hurts, of course, but it’s easier to think about. It’s easier to reconcile when they’ve been working hard and making friends and continuing to live. It’s small, but the progression is there and I really appreciate it.

Speaking of Case 5, though, everything about this one, in regards to Asougi, is pure catharsis. It really is like they’re looking their grief right in the face and accepting it as a part of themselves. Ryuunosuke looks back on his friend not just with fondness, but with gratefulness that Asougi could make such a big impact on his life.

(This is similar to the whole Phoenix and Mia thing, I feel, since Phoenix often thought of his mentor with the same sort of tone. At least, I think so. Remarkable how Phoenix’s grief can mirror the finalised version of Ryuunosuke’s with the help of spirit channeling! /joke)

Ryuunosuke and Susato have etched Asougi into their hearts and their persons and it’s just really, very good I like it a lot.

(okay time for a few paragraphs on DGS2 and Asougi)

Case 1 one DGS2 is a neat look into Susato’s mind and thought process. You can definitely tell she’s still just a 16-year-old with the mistakes she makes and how she tries to handle her own arguments, which is very cute. We also get to see her actually talking to Asougi’s grave and then see how her own relationship with Asougi has influenced her style (/poses) and aspirations. (Ryuunosuke, too. It’s cute to see how she’s ended up a mixture of both of them.) And it’s a great rug pull moment for the player, since the way that the grief is handled in DGS1 is so good and (almost) final that hearing Asougi might not actually be dead is a bit like digging up old wounds. I mean, we went the entirety of the first game coming to terms with his death, what do you mean his body went missing??

(Case 2 serves as a reminder. Like haha remember how Susato and Ryuunosuke both love Asougi and are sad about his death? Here’s the baseline again, get ready to have it wrecked!)

And Case 3 is phenomenal, too. The way Van Zieks is so understanding in his response to showing him Asougi’s badge is just. It’s perfect, he’s so gentle and empathetic that it shocks Ryuunosuke (even though Ryuunosuke did the same understanding and concern for Van Ziek’s situation Ryuunosuke please). Then the way that Ryuunosuke sees Asougi, disguised in a cloak and mask, and immediately recognises him. To me, that really shows how much he loved his friend. He knew Asougi for about a year and it’s been about nine months since Asougi’s death, yet Ryuunosuke recognises him just by the way he carries himself.

But, to him, Asougi is dead. He’s made peace with that. So, even if it plays on his mind, he can’t allow himself to think that. He puts it out of his mind completely and doesn’t think on it again.

At least, until Susato (who reacted very realistically by shutting down the possibility that Asougi might still be alive because that means Sherlock lied and she couldn’t take having that hope break her worse than before) sees the exact same thing just as immediately and shouts after him. The fact that they both see this disguised man and know it can be no one besides Asougi is insane. It’s love. It makes me cry, I wish they could’ve hugged him during the big reveal (though I know Japanese culture’s just not like that).

Anyway, DGS2 diatribe over. Back to the conclusion.

The whole of DGS1 is just a masterful example of how grief doesn’t have to destroy you, of how life can go on and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing, and how channeling that grief into motivation to keep their memories alive can be powerful. That it’s okay to still feel grief even as you heal, that it’s okay to have fun and keep living even as you mourn. Life is a mixture of levity and tragedy and, to me, DGS1 nails that mixture with perfection.

Absolutely legendary. Join me next time when I dive into the main theme of DGS2, which is literally ‘the dead will come back to life to haunt you’ thanks for coming to my essay talk

[everwitch-magiks]

7, 21, 24 for the bts fic asks for count the stars and the constellations aka space gays

hi! thank you for sending this in! ♡♡♡

Count The Stars And Constellations

7. What inspired the idea for the plot?

Okay, I really love getting this question for this story, because this is actually super typical for how I usually come up with plot. Basically, there was this one line I wanted to include: ‘I guess you’re my best fucking bet.’ And I wanted that to be said in the context of marriage, and I had this whole idea about how the person they were talking to (and about) should be someone who had put the idea of marriage on the table before, but been rejected — and years later, the person who’d rejected them comes back with “I guess you’re my best fucking bet”. Pretty terrible, right? But I wanted it to be kind of terrible, and very complicated, and the slowest of burns with the most excruciating pining until they eventually figured out their bullshit and tied the knot.

So the whole ‘yearly-space-cruise-to-meet-your-computer-calculated-potential-matches’ thing… all came from wanting to use that specific line. Literally all of it. Because if person A was to be person B’s ‘best bet’ in the sense of prospective partners to marry, how does that happen without there being a limited pool of candidates for person B to choose from? Chucking the whole story into space made it a little easier for me to construct a reality like that. I got some excellent help from absoluteaudacity on figuring out the logistics of the Match system, and then I just took that and ran with it and typed.

So, basically, this whole AU was written for the sole purpose of getting to use one specific line I had in my head. And in the end, I didn’t even use that exact line word for word. Kind of wild when you think about it, and I’m not sure how to tell you this, but my process looks like this very often; a lot of my fics start out from me going ‘oh shit, this One Line is so good, but how the hell do I get there?’ A lot.

21. What is something you didn't expect people to notice or gravitate towards in this fic?

I’m gonna go with a rather liberal interpretation of this question and say: ‘seven years’. There is a time jump of sorts in this fic — again, this is the slowest of burns, and there is plentiful pining — and when I wrote it, I didn’t feel like the time jump and the period when Alex and Henry weren’t talking to each other was that unexpected. Sure, it was a long time, but to me it all made sense and kind of had to happen. But apparently, from the perspective of the reader, this time jump was quite a shock, so there were some very vocal reactions to this part of the story. Which was fun, and interesting, and definitely an experience in and of itself! Some people (to be clear: my friends, who I love and cherish) probably still haven’t quite gotten over this particular plot point, but we must all suffer a little for the sake of art. ♡

24. Did you write every scene in order? What was the first scene you wrote, and what was the last?

I’m gonna let you in on a lil secret with this one. Did you know that, in order to write, what an author needs most of all is constant validation? ‘Tis the truth. And did you know that one of the most effective ways of obtaining said validation is by posting the entire fic in chunks in your group chat while you’re writing it? I know this sounds chaotic, but it’s actually so great. Not only because your writing is fueled by screeches and keysmashes, but also because it effectively forces you to keep moving forward; there’s no sense in stopping to tweak a past paragraph, because in a sense you’ve already posted it, so onward it is. And once the first draft is done and all gathered in a doc, that’s when you make edits and changes and add paragraphs and entire scenes when needed, and finalise the story.

This is literally how I wrote this story, and a couple of my other stories. We call it ‘live writing’, and it’s brilliant. You should try it!

… so to get back to the question: yes, I wrote this story completely in order. Only a few paragraphs were added afterwards. So the first scene I wrote was the first scene of the story, and the last scene I wrote was the last scene of the story.

[projectshadovv]

going through Silent’s story so far, and can I please offer some feedback? Don’t take this to heart or as an insult! I genuinely want to see this story reach its full potential! I’m tryna see how silent is good for the clan, im not blaming her, but a story would usually point out how shit isnt her fault, but it feels like the story is indirectly blaming her for everything that's happened

like, i feel you want Silentshadow to be a nuanced character who sometimes makes the wrong choices that came from a bad place, as well as dark and gritty - But….we haven't been given a reason to care about her or her goals, and her struggles.

And from learning about more of the story’s other characters, Russetstrom and Auburnfur are more interesting characters to relate to; their struggles feel genuine and I can understand why they do the things they do.

I’m not saying to make Silentshadow more of a hero, anti-heros/gritty characters can work. But the overall vibes silent gives is melodramatic and not…. relatable? if that’s how I can even word it, like, maybe having her not becoming leader and being a part of a prophecy can help make her more relatable, have her work hard for her goals and achievements and show readers that you don’t need to be in a high position to make a difference - like, maybe she isn’t the chosen one, but the chosen one of the prophecy (mudnose maybe?) does things wrong or twists the prophecy’s wording to fit his own agenda? I don’t know, just ideas I’m rambling about. Again, I personally just want to see this story reach it’s potential. After all, it’s natural stories usually change plots dramatically before a plot is decided on and finalised.

Again! Please don’t take this to heart! I just wanted to give feedback.

I appreciate the thought and care that made you want to send this ask, and i know it comes from a genuine place, and i do understand your POV, but try not to fret too much! Silentshadow is a very deeply rooted and personal character to me, I used to project thru her, and i still sometimes do, the experiences Ive given her I've tried to evolve into more story like and plot important events.

And also, theres a lot to the overall story you guys don't know about, I have a lot more stuff in the back I just, either havent felt the need to share, or havent been able to- and Silentshadow's story is a story for me, not so much as me trying to make this story FOR anyone else. Its not FOR you, i'm just simply sharing what i want to share with yall, and if yall like it, awesome! If not, totally understandable.

But since you in particular want to see the story flourish, I'm afraid you'll just have to find it in you to keep a lookout. I'm not going to justify or try to prove anything to anyone, not because I don't have everything figured out (although yes some things i dont have figured out), but that, I'm just having fun with it! Silentshadow doesnt have to be your favorite character! She's just a creature trying to live (sometimes suffer- she's intentionally edgy like that)

Try to think of the story as a very loose allegory for dismantling the rich upperclass/goverment. The clans in general are a very basic representation of fascism that an outsider like Silentshadow growing up, wonders what the point of Clans and borders are if all they do is prevent other cats who aren't them from surviving. They took over the forest that all cats were once free to come and go as they pleased (namely cats like Silentshadows fathers, who were left to starve or be chased out or to seek out kittypet life), but now the forests and mountains and rivers are off limits to any resource the clan cats have staked an imaginary claim on.

Forced to live in Clan society, Silentshadow grows angry and bitter at the life she's given and expected to live up to by cats and dead ancestors who aren't even her own. She's treated as a weapon, as someone to use as a trumpcard in the future, not as a clanmate or friend or family member and the realization of that darkens her heart. She's taken in by (clan)cat's who also want to overthrow the clans, but more for their own greed and lust for power and just the wrong reasons.

Silentshadow, as a kit, always wanted to see the Clans come together as one, or to let those who want to roam freely do so. A kit's fantasy dream. But it gets lost along the way when cats like Mudnose and Bearstar are more immediate problems and take up more of the story's time.

Basically though, Silentshadow does humble up and becomes leader to protect the ones she loves, and recruits many good cats along the way that help her dream become a reality. And while it's not realistic that every single Clan cat would be up to simply being a Colony, theyre at least free to do what they want, so long as it doesnt interfere in other's welfare.

There was originally going to be like, have all the leaders still, just all leading together, and Silentshadow is one of them, but I think i'll make it so she decides she never wanted to be leader (more like, she had to), she just wanted to live freely and made the stand to fight for her and others' right to. I think when everything has calmed, her, Cometshine, and Auburnfur decide to travel- something Silentshadow's father loved to do but couldnt since he was raising his kit, and run off into the sunset.

That's a super super super messy and vague way to explain the story, its a very long and drawn out story, but you can kinda tell theres a lot i just dont have time to write out- just this took me like 2 hours. Just trust me when i say theyre all good characters, not the BEST written or have the best reasons or motives, but theyre good and for understandable and SOMETIMES relateable (or not) reasons. Maybe you dont relate to Silentshadow, ok! Maybe Cometshine, maybe Foggycloud, maybe Auburnfur and Russetstorm like you said. I'm trying to make a diverse cast for everyone and also NOT everyone

[chaoticspacefam]

2020 In Review: Wordcount Tag

I was tagged for this by @actualanxiousswampwitch​ , thank you! I’m not sure who’s already done or been tagged for this cause I am, once again, late to the party LOL but I shall (no pressure and sorry if you’ve already done it!) tag: @rainofaugustsith​ , @darth-bagel​ , @thatmmolesbian​ , @thelastenvoyyy​ and anybody else who wants to do this. Yes, I promise I mean you!

Words: 45,314

Published: 0 (I’m not counting the couple of Six Sentence tags I’ve gotten, they’re snippets of an unfinished piece & are included below instead :), or roleplay replies, cause that feels like cheating lol.) I actually wrote a lot more than I thought I had, this is a rough guesstimate as well, as my oneshot WIPs tend to be all over the place across something like 6 different documents, some of which have existed since 2018, so I had to guess at how far up to count from the end for some of them, but I think it’s a fair guesstimate XD I also have included lore/worldbuilding docs in this because that was a 3-month long Lockdown 1.0 Boredom/”Canon is a trash fire so I’m ignoring that and making up my own lore” passion project and I’m goddamn proud of how much I wrote for that. It’s the most I’ve written in one stretch (think I finished it over a span of 3 nights or so, once I’d done all the research and made all the notes ofc ^^)

Not Published: 45,314

The Breakdown:

swtor - 45,314

for creeping shadows (my main longfic/part one of the subterfugeverse series) - 1,553  - Aria, stop being difficult! *shakes fists* XD

oneshots - 16,223

lore/worldbuilding (for subterfugeverse naturally) - 23,001 (is this ALL tomato alien lore? pretty much, yes, yes it is :’D ~400 words is “the WIP reworked timeline to correlate my worldbuilding with the canon timeline that was released”, but 98% is just...me thinking way too much about Purebloods and how they deserved way better goddamn lore. I blame @fluffynexu ‘s amazing tomato worldbuilding posts,  reading them when I went looking for “canon” lore one day for the rp is what got me started down that rabbithole (it’s awesome and if you haven’t already you should totally go check hers out too :DD), I had a “fuck you then canon I’ll do it myself too >:L” moment and once I started I couldn’t stop until I’d crapped out literally over 20k words on the subject *whispering* thank you LOL)

zephyrverse au bonus oneshots - 4,537 (stuff I wrote to fill in time gaps or “just cause I had a plot bunny”, relating to mine and k-christine’s zephyrverse au rp. None of these will likely be posted publicly, but they still deserve to be counted as words I wrote this year :’D

As you can see, most of my “muse” this year came from sporadic oneshots :’D The Ahaszaai twins also properly plot-bunnied their way into my brain in late 2019 and haven’t stopped making a nuisance of themselves the whole fucking year. Every time I tried to carry on with a chapter, one of the two of them would pop up like “Nooo write about ME! pay attention to ME!” - Yes, Ni’kasi, I will get to you this year, I promise XD

New Things I Tried:

Just Writing. Not worrying about whether “it wasn’t part of the next chapter” or “it comes from a part in the story that I’m nowhere near close to posting yet”. If I felt like writing something, or for a specific pairing/feeling/scene, whatever. I wrote until I ran outta muse juice. Yeah, it meant I didn’t technically “finish” anything this year BUT - the important thing is I wrote stuff. and that’s all that really matters, eh? :’D

Polyam ships! May not seem like a big deal but I spent a long time talking myself out of them because of internalised toxic monogamy and finally saying “you know what, fuck it! I can ship three or more people together and it can still be a perfectly wholesome, healthy and loving relationship and that’s okay” was a BIG thing for me this year.

Dialogue Scripts: which I didn’t count as wordcount because really it’s just word vomit of general tone/inflection and dialogue that I came up with right before falling asleep which I didn’t want to lose. Basically, if an exchange or a particularly punchy or moving line of dialogue popped into my brain but I wasn’t ready to write the whole scene that it fit into out, but didn’t want to forget the line(s). I wrote it out in movie script/script-style roleplay fashion e.g. Character’s Name: (emotion, hand gestures etc.) [Dialogue here] and so on. I know this is probably a well known trick of the trade, but I never took it seriously until this year. Seriously, do it. It’s great.

Favorite Thing I Wrote:

Hmmm, a snippet for Andronikos/Ni’kasi that I started this week which isn’t posted yet (saving it for this week’s Six Sentence Sunday so look out for it! :D) was pretty fun to work on, I love their dynamic and Kas is suprisingly fun to write for.

Also the Aria/Vano proposal scene that I posted a snippet for the week before last. I’m having great fun with that scene, and I really enjoy putting a non-serious spin on the classic “proposal scene” tropes. Can’t wait to finish it, though it may be a while before the full one goes up on AO3, as it depends whether it ends up fitting in as part of the mainfic or as an additional oneshot

And I have a D’leah/Kissai oneshot that I need to give another once-over before I finally yeet it onto AO3 and Tumblr for you guys to see :’D

Favorite Fic I Read:

@sleepswithvillains Eleanora/Quinn fic, Helplessly Hoping. I’m horribly behind on chapters and I gotta catch up and read the finale this week, but it’s been a helluva great ride and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the story! <3

Also The Invitation collab with @tishinada featuring Zas and Fiona had me squealing, I can’t wait to catch up on HH and see more of these two, they’re adorable ;-; @a-muirehen​ ‘s Relu/Merkara series of course! I’m a complete sucker for (friends to lovers to in Ariano’s case but yea pfpfpf) enemies to lovers ships and these two are just so good, I am on the edge of my seat every time we get a new snippet for them, ngl (grimace emoji) @darth-bagel ‘s Sylvas/Graz’zt and Sylvas/Liz/Rilfaen snippets which they’ve been spoiling me with on Discord @mercurypilgrim ‘s Ven’fir/Quinn AU oneshots, Cloudbank (Western was a particular favourite, but all are very good!) and of course @rainofaugustsith ‘s Lana/Viri updates are always fantastic, some personal favourites from this year were Almost There & Memory of Healing :3 (I totally still go back to read Commander & Advisor too sometimes, getting to see Viri be a little diabolical and messing with “MiNiSTeR LoRMaN!” was and still is my favourite thing XD)

If I’ve left you out I’m sorry!! These were the ones that stuck out in my memory, but I’ve loved everyone’s writing this year, it’s been great :3

Writing Goals:

to actually finish and post chapter 8 & 9 of Creeping Shadows. Then we’ll get to the meat and potatoes of the story and maybe Aria will stop being a brat and fighting me every time I try to stick to a semi-regular update schedule Get off my butt, finalise the name and get started on Ni’kasi’s part of the Subterfugeverse story. Maybe run the updates in-tandem with Creeping Shadows but idk if I want to wait till after CS is done before I start posting Kas’s side, or do them side-by-side yet, we’ll see ;) Keep writing! I know better than to pressure myself by setting a specific word count goal, that’s never worked well in the past

At least 2 chapters of each of the works mentioned above would be great though, more would be better! We’ll see how I go

Words of Thanks:

honestly, to everybody in the fandom I’ve met this year. Anybody that I follow, thank you for being there and engaging with me and/or posting amazing content for me to look at! I came over from deviantART where the SWTOR fandom is incredibly small and generally quite inactive and the contrast since moving over here has been incredibly uplifting. I very nearly cancelled Creeping Shadows and stopped posting fic for my SWTORverse altogether because I got next to no engagement on dA and it was very disheartening to the point where I felt I could enjoy the game and the rp partners I had, but the solo projects I’d put so much thought, time and love into already weren’t worth continuing. You guys took that spark and kept it going and I really don’t have enough words to say how grateful I am for that. Even if I haven’t published much this year, making posts on this tumblr, interacting with everyone and working on lore, plot points and so on for Subterfugeverse has kept me going through the Hellish Year of Nightmares that was 2020 <3

to the amazing new friends I’ve made in this past year, who have listened to me ramble about headcanons, character backstories, writing snippets (and rambled/sent some back), keep being awesome: @walk-ng-d-saster , @darth-bagel , @kyber-heart , @deepseacritter , @thedinalixlegacy to further friends and meme tag buddies, I get so excited every time I see a mention for a new meme or ask game in my inbox, so thank you!! : @mimabeann , @palepinkycat , @a-master-procrastinator , @raven-of-domain-kwaad , @actualanxiousswampwitch , @thatmmolesbian , @a-muirehen to my regular commentors/rebloggers/likers/askbox lurkers, I see every one of you and every time your users pop up I grin like a kid in a toy shop: @starlightjedi , @sparkles-and-rust , @wilvarin-chan , @sunsetofdoom , @ask-an-andalite , @thelastenvoyyy . @lyrishadow and more because Tumblr only goes so far back and I have the memory of Swiss Cheese. If you regularly comment, like, reblog, or anything, from me, know that I see you, and I love and appreciate you for it! <3

I couldn’t possibly remember to tag everyone and I promise if I missed you out it’s not because I hate you! Anxiety just sometimes be a bitch and I don’t wanna look like a clown calling someone a “friend” if I’m not explicitly sure we are, in fact, friends. I think you’re all awesome and I’m so glad to have moved over here and met you all <3

[procrastynol]

I wasn’t tagged, but I’ll take the invitation from @theghostcaptain and just hop on the train to answer some questions about my writing. So, I guess thanks are in order? 😉❤️

AO3: @Procrastynol

Fandoms

Currently I’m trapped in the MDZS hell (focusing on songxiao, but pretty much everything else is also go, wangxian, 3zun, anything) with a side of SVSSS and FF7 (mainly tsengru and/or turks centric). I’m still working my way through the huge load of danmei, so maybe things like TGCF, 2HA or SPL will soon join the list.

Other things I can’t seem to let go of include FF15, Mass Effect, Dragon Age and a hint of Marvel and Star Wars. If you want to go really far back, you can add LotR and Hobbit to the pile.

Where You Post

You can find all of my fics on AO3 @Procrastynol

​I rarely use tumblr anymore, mostly for keeping all the links to my fics organised in one place - and to read meta that will shred my poor heart. My main social media is Twitter, so if you want to yell at me, please go over there and feel free to do so.

Most Popular Oneshot

Conflict of Interest (FF7, tsengru, domestic fluff and dogs)

I started this one on a whim in August 2020 because A) the hype for FF7 Remake was real and B) plague times, yay! It got me back into writing fanfiction after not having done so for several years, and I’m still surprised how positively it has been received among the people who read FF7 fanfictions. A follow-up is currently in its early drafting state.

Most Popular Multichap

None (so far). But I have something brewing for my songxiao gang, so I’ll just be a little tease and tell you to stay tuned for more until Summer 2021. 😉

Favourite Story You’ve Written So Far

Untethered (MDZS, songxiao, character study xxc)

That is my November/December/Christmas-procrastination baby, which started out as a midnight word vomit I wrote in a desperate attempt to find sleep. It only grew from there, and it has become my first deep dive into the character of Xiao Xingchen and the canon setting of MDZS. To this day, it just blows me away how well this story is received despite its length and the rather limited songxiao bubble. I’m really proud of what I did here, and it has been a while since I could say that about anything I have written.

Fic You Were Nervous to Post

Frostbloom Flowers (MDZS, modern songxiao, flowershop AU)

This was my absolute first fic for the fandom, and my second fic in total after the unexpected “success” of Conflict of Interest. I was so scared to get the characters or the setting wrong, even more so since this was a prompt fill for the songxiao Secret Santa event. It has done surprisingly well, so well actually, that I have turned this into a series that I will continue this February.

How You Choose Your Titles

They either come to me or the don’t. Really, there is almost nothing in between. Sometimes a poem, a line, a lyric, an image, SOMETHING sparks my imagination and the title is the first thing I have.

If it is the other way around, the idea usually revolves around a certain dialogue, scene, setting, etc. that I want to explore and I really struggle finding a title for it once the fic is finished. There are rare instances where a title comes to me simply while working on a fic, but mostly it’s hit or miss. If it is the latter, I usually sit in my room and decide to name stories after the first thing my eyes land on 5 minutes before posting them. 😅

Do You Outline

90% of times I do. Especially larger works or multichaps need an outline. I sometimes try to write non-chronologically, and I have a really hard time doing it, so the outline becomes my LIFELINE. It allows me to skip over parts I find hard and just put the famous [get there] in certain spaces, knowing I can come back later to flesh them out because the outline guides through this process.

For oneshots, I sometimes freestyle, but even then I usually write down a few lines for the scenes/dialogues I really want to include and put them in the corresponding order, so I have a goal to work towards to and don’t start meandering around.

I hate doing them, though, even though I largely depend on outlines.

Complete

All of my fics are complete at the moment, but I have two on-going series that I’m feeding with new entries in irregular intervals.

In Progress

I have some WIPS, but none of them are in the process of being published right now. But there are a few things I’m working on, so follow me to the next paragraph if you want more details on that. 😁

Coming Soon / Not Yet Started

Curiosity killed the Cat [WT] - which is a MDZS multichapter fic I have started working on last December. I really wanted to try writing a case fic for once, something more than just drama and romance (although drama and romance will still be very much part of this). Plotting a murder mystery is really new to me and sometimes exhausting, but so far I’m having a lot of fun doing it. I don’t want to spoil the details, but it will definitely focus on pre-canon songxiao and a mysterious haunting/murder they encounter during their travels.

Another thing would be the continuation of the Egret Flower series. Currently I’m finalising the second part, writing on part three and four has already begun. Part two will feature songxiao going on the date that has been teased in the first part, Frostbloom Flowers, and part three is currently giving me a hard time because I decided to include some wangxian - we’ll see how it goes.

I’m also trying to feed the Shinra fandom a bit, since it got me back into writing literally days before I got swept away by MDZS and danmei hell. But tsengru still holds a place in my heart, has done so for years, and so Conflict of Interest has now also been turned into a series, It’s me or the Dog, and the second part for this series is also outlined already and just waiting for me to flesh it out.

Upcoming Work You’re Most Excited About

Curiosity killed the Cat [WT], definitely. I have only ever finished one other multichap in my life, and I plan to complete this one before I start posting it, to feed my lovely songxiaoists in regular intervals (and to make sure this entire case fic works and does not go up in smoke halfway down). But since this involves so many new things for me at the same time, I’m equally excited and anxious to finish it and start posting it.

Tagging

Since I’m pretty much inactive on this platform I find it a bit hard to tag someone. I think @wangji-string might have something to offer, at least if they haven’t participated already (although if you don’t feel like doing this, please feel free to ignore me). I’ll just leave it open to the rest of you whoever read this and may find it interesting - if you want to do this, please, feel free to do it! 😉

[goldenkookietae]

Contract - On the Table (M)

BTS One shot

Pairing: CEO!Yoongi x CEO!Reader

Word count: 7,020 words

Warnings: Smut, swearing, dom!yoongi, dom!reader, masturbation (male), spanking, oral (fem rec.), a lil bit of Taekook (mentions and intense gazes lol)

Summary: Y/N and Yoongi think their only common trait was to be on the cover of Brilliant Minds, a contract proves that they have more in common that they know.

A/N: After that Variety photoshoot? All of them be pulling off the damn CEO look and it has me drooling. This one was a request and I am more than happy that I wrote it. It’s pure filth, get me some Hobi water guys.

Disclaimer: This story is an AU fanfiction that I have created using the names of the members of BTS. I do not claim any ownership over the members of BTS. The plot and the personalities of the characters are entirely my own.

Do not plagiarize my work and do not repost.

Moodboard

*I do not claim ownership over any of the pictures. They are credited to their original owners.

“I want him.” Y/N declared as her fingers trailed over the smooth texture, imagining them touching the expensive suit and wondering how soft it would feel. Being on the cover page of Brilliant Minds was no joke and it was definitely something to be proud of. The most influential people made it there, the wealthiest, the ones with an attitude, astronomical ego and as they so popularly called it, a brilliant mind. Among all of these business magnets, the most common trait was that they were all too young to be that successful. That was exactly why they were called brilliant minds. They really did live up to the title.

The magazine didn’t have a publishing schedule. It all depended on coming across the right person to be in it. Needless to say, business soared right after the publication. Not that any of the people on its covers needed it, but it was a milestone, the highest of them all. The last one had been a month ago and the latest edition from just two days ago had definitely caught her interest.

The man staring back at her, his slim figure donned in a sharp grey suit, a hooded look to his eyes and his jaw clenched, looked impeccable. His single raised eyebrow said it all. This man was fucking proud. She could prove it from the barely noticeable raise at the corner of his lips.

Y/N fucking loved it. It was the same look that was etched onto her face since the past month. The previous copy of Brilliant Minds laid right next to the latest one and her own eyes stared back at her. She was fucking proud too.

“Funny, I heard he wanted you too.” Jungkook nodded from the other side of her desk. He quickly inverted the magazine towards himself as he flicked through the pages to the middle. It held another sharp cut of the same man with his side profile and Y/N immediately noticed the tantalizing jaw line. The two pages would have details of the interview with this man, and Y/N was definitely looking forward to reading his responses.

“Oh, really now? And how, may I ask, do you know that?” Y/N raised an eyebrow at her secretary, finding it unbelievable that he had insider information on almost everything. He was a social bird, and she hated that most of the time, she hated almost anything that was too loud and bubbly, which was exactly what Jungkook was. But there was a difference between how she treated others and how she was with Jungkook. She hated him in an almost, endearing way.

“Well, his secretary told me.” Jungkook shrugged and Y/N sat up straight. “How the hell do you know his secretary? And how close are you two?”

“We’re not that close, even if that’s what I want. Still getting to know each other. We only met a few weeks ago, we were drunk so ya know we just happened to roll around in the sheets and-” Jungkook stopped abruptly looking up at Y/N apologetically.

She raised an eyebrow higher as if to say, ‘Get to the point now’, and Jungkook did just that. “Anyway, we were talking about things that absolutely infuriate us, I didn’t mention you so don’t worry, but Taehyung accidentally blurted out that his boss was an annoying prick and had recently gotten obsessed with some contract that he wanted to get into with our company. I believe it started from your interview with Brilliant Minds.” He finished, tapping the magazine and shrugging.

“Interesting. Jungkook, I totally support you dating this guy. And I need you to do me just one tiny favour.” Y/N grinned, leaning back into her chair and clasping her hands together. “I need you to let slip, purely accidentally of course, that I’m interested in a contract with their company. And that I won’t stop pestering you about it. So infuriating, isn’t it?”

Jungkook let out a laugh as he narrowed his eyes playfully. “I don’t want to take advantage of him, but you know what, I think a contract will benefit all of us. More money and higher bonuses.” he sighed, nodding his head.

“And Jungkook,” Y/N added with a second thought, “I’m going to have to cut down all the business secrets you get to know. I’m not sure how well you can hold your tongue when the alcohol gets to you.”

Jungkook frowned immediately. “You’ve known me since we were babies and you know I don’t do that. And that plan won’t work because I have my ways, people always tell me everything.” he smirked, and Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Well, I wonder why no has told you yet that your fly is open.” she pointed to his pants and Jungkook immediately slapped his hands down to his crotch, fumbling with the zipper and realizing that it was secured to the top. He glared at her and she could see the promise in his eyes that vowed revenge for tricking him.

Y/N grinned. “Gotcha.”

Jungkook was always at the top of things and Y/N knew he did his job all too well. But nevertheless, it was still a surprise when Jungkook walked into her workspace the next evening, informing her that Taehyung had contacted him about his boss wanting to speak with her about a proposal.

“Seems like he jumped at the opportunity. I literally only told Tae last night. His boss must’ve been waiting for this to happen.” Jungkook analyzed the situation like he did to almost everything going on around him. It gave Y/N a different perspective sometimes and a headache all the other times. However, at the moment, she simply gazed at the magazine that had become a part of her room décor.

“Alright, I’ll speak to him.” she declared, as Jungkook nodded and instantly jotted it down onto her schedule. “I’ll gather his contact details and let you know. It’ll probably be just an introduction call, but you can discuss the actual details of the contract face-to-face. I’ll check with Taehyung for his schedule and book a meeting room-” Jungkook rambled mostly to himself as he noted down everything he could possibly do around the job.

“Kook,” Y/N stopped him with a sigh, “whatever you do is perfect.” Taking that as less of a compliment but rather his cue to leave, Jungkook nodded swiftly and backed out of her room.

No longer than an hour had passed and Jungkook had sent her the contact details. He slipped into her cabin just as she was opening his mail, drawing her attention to him.

“So, I think, it’s better if I get the basic talk done myself. I’ll try and get to know a little about what their idea is and maybe pitch in a few of mine. I’ll check with you on how you like it so then we could go ahead and set up a meeting. Taehyung and I will take care of stuff for now, you guys just have to finalise the deal when you guys meet.” Jungkook suggested.

Y/N nodded. Ultimately it was lesser work for her, and she thought it better to use her time to seal the deal rather than having introduction calls pretending like she actually cared about how the other person was doing. She just wanted her work done.

“Thank you Jungkook, you’re the best.” she muttered, before smiling and winking at him. “Have fun planning things with Taehyung.”

Yoongi was pissed. It didn’t matter that her secretary had come all the way to their office with a stupid gift pack to make up for rescheduling the meeting just an hour before it was set to begin. ‘Ms. Y/N had to deal with an emergency and had to cancel unfortunately. She’s deeply sorry to have caused you the inconvenience.’ Her secretary’s words still played in his mind and it made him sick. He knew more than anything that it had not been an emergency, it had to have been work related and it was so important that she cancelled out on him. He was livid.

He was already pissed about the fact that Brilliant Minds had put her on the cover before him, and it frustrated him that her company was a position higher than his on the official list of the most successful companies of the year. The feeling of coming next was new to him, he couldn’t get it out of his mind, and he would do just about anything to beat it.

He’d extended an offer just so he could see what was so special about her, but she’d cancelled on him, even after she’d seen him on the cover of the magazine. His company was no fucking joke. A million contracts for collaboration were at his doorstep and instead of choosing ones readily available he’d went ahead and approached hers all by himself, and for what? For her to call it off. He felt like a fucking idiot. He should never have let himself believe Taehyung’s words, sending out a formal invite based on rumors made up over a couple of beers.

He clenched his jaw tight as he downed the wine in one go, slamming his glass down on the table with a loud clank. Taehyung had left him a bunch of emails for him to check on but Yoongi refused to listen to his secretary at the moment. He considered firing the guy from his job but somehow, he knew he’d regret that once he got back into his work. Grudgingly, he went back to his desk, flopping down onto the chair and scrolling through his emails.

He wasn’t wrong. Being away from his work for two hours had landed him with over hundred emails and those were just the ones that Taehyung had filtered out as important for the time being since he knew Yoongi was in a terrible mood. Sighing, he looked into each one as quickly as he could, already mapping out how long it would take him to get them all done with.

He found one from Taehyung saying Y/N’s company wanted to reschedule the meeting and he immediately responded with a ‘fuck no’ and then proceeded to delete the mail for good riddance. Just after he’d done that, he noticed another one just below, and he clicked it faster than ever once he made sense of the sender’s name.

17:34 pm

Dear Mr. Min,

Please accept my sincere apology for being unable to attend today’s meeting. It was very important to me, but I had to cancel due to an emergency. I hope you understand. If you are still willing to go through with the contract, it would be my pleasure to reschedule the meeting to another time and date.

Do let me know of your thoughts and have a great evening!

Sincerely,

Y/N

Yoongi read the mail over and over again, feeding her contact details from her signature into his phone. He raised a finger to touch the mail right over the sender’s signature. He’d thought that he’d made up his mind, he never wanted to get into a contract with them again. But he was so wrong, this had been on his mind for more than a month and an apology mail from Y/N herself made him feel like he had the upper hand. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was smug at the fact that she wanted it as much as he did.

Without a moment’s delay, he typed out another mail to Taehyung, ‘Reschedule’, he wrote, not bothering to elaborate because it was more than obvious. He was going to meet her.

“I think you may have pissed him off.” Jungkook pursed his lips as he watched Y/N chuckle and shake her head.

��Look, when you’re running a company, you get busy and sometimes you can’t make it to stuff okay? We all have a one-track mind when it comes to work, and these kinds of things are normal. We don’t fight over that. What are we five? And plus, I sent him an apology mail, what more can I do?” She looked at Jungkook as though he was being ridiculous and he himself thought he was.

“True. It’s happened before but, I don’t know. When I went there to inform him, he seemed mad.” He sighed, clutching his fork and pushing it brutally through his spaghetti. Satisfied with how much he’d gathered after twirling his fork, he stuffed his mouth and began to chew loudly.

Y/N stared at him amused. “It’s fine. I’ll make sure to let him know again how sorry I am for cancelling and he’ll have to be okay with that.” Jungkook nodded, puckering his lips and sucking stray spaghetti into his mouth. “So you’re nervous.” Y/N said casually, sipping her wine and staring at Jungkook over the rim of her glass.

“M ’not. Why’d I be.” Jungkook rolled his eyes, gulping down his food and staring at her, no doubt demanding an explanation. “Taehyung is going to be here in two hours, Jungkook. You’re nervous. Don’t be, you’re amazing.” She smiled at him and Jungkook frowned. He opened his mouth to deny it but shut it closed as soon as Y/N raised her eyebrows at him. Sighing, he chomped down the last bit of his meal as he gulped slowly.

“Yeah okay, I am nervous. But you’re right, I’m awesome so I don’t really have any reason to be.” He nodded to himself and Y/N snorted. “Make sure you don’t do any funny business under the table alright? This is a professional, work thing.” She chuckled dismissing the glare Jungkook gave her.

Y/N was waiting near the window, her phone in hand as she went through random news articles. Jungkook had just slipped out of the room, no doubt welcoming that day’s meeting attendees and leading them to the meeting room. No longer than five minutes later she heard footsteps outside the door and straightened herself to her full height.

Jungkook entered with two men on his trail and she could tell that no matter how professional the pictures in the magazine looked, seeing Yoongi in the flesh was unbelievable. Everything about him screamed arrogance and pride, making his presence stand out as eye-catching. It was evident from his jet-black hair styled neatly to the side, the expensive maroon suit he donned, the Rolex glinting from his wrist and the indifferent look in his eyes. Despite being shorter than Jungkook and the blonde-haired man who she assumed was Taehyung, he still dominated the stage with the way he held himself.

His eyes met hers and, in a flash, so fast she could’ve missed it, he had scanned her from top to toe, as though he’d noticed that she’d done the same thing to him. Out of all the introductions Y/N had had with potential clients and business partners, the one with Yoongi bagged the award for being the most intense. Not once were too happy smiles or polite greetings exchanged, just hooded gazes, nods and tiny smirks.

The meeting never came to the discussion of whether or not to take up a project together, it was as though they’d already decided on that a long time ago, the meeting was just to kick off the project. Y/N had taken her time considering bringing up the what if’s of not making the deal, but half-way through the meeting, the kind of ideas she and Yoongi had come up with together pushed the thought right out of her mind.

Over the span of two hours, they’d laid out a rough draft of a road map, and they hadn’t even realise that they’d downed all the beverages without paying the slightest bit of attention. They had another meeting scheduled for the next week, and Y/N seemed to notice that Yoongi had pushed down something on his schedule to make up time for it. For the past fifteen minutes that was all Y/N had been doing, staring down Yoongi as he talked to Taehyung about setting up a call with his internal team. She had already put up Jungkook to the same task, but right then, she was more interested in Yoongi’s mannerisms.

Y/N had a hard time keeping her eyes away from the way his jaw moved, sharp and defined making her wonder how hot it looked when he while he was making out. Every once in a while, he would swipe his tongue over his lips or the tip of his tongue would poke out the side of his mouth, accompanied by that gaze that made him look like he wanted to eat her out.

Instantly, her mind flooded with pictures of how that scene would play out, how he could bend her over that table right there and shatter her sanity with everything he wanted to do to her. As her mind came up with images of him pushing his fingers into her, and her gaze slipped to his hands, she was not at all disappointed. His long fingers, studded with metal rings had to be the sexiest pair she’d ever seen and whenever he pointed to something or did random gestures, her thighs clenched, imagining them moving inside of her.

When they’d concluded the meeting, it seemed as though Yoongi knew what Y/N had been doing and she knew he felt the same. The lust in her eyes reflected in his too and she didn’t miss the way his touch lasted a little longer than it should’ve for someone as professional as he when they shook hands. Yoongi smirked at her as he exited the meeting room and his hand almost shot to his crotch when he saw her smirk back at him.

As soon as Jungkook was back in Y/N’s room after escorting Yoongi and Taehyung out of the meeting room, she groaned, imagining all the work Jungkook no doubt would’ve laid out in her schedule for her to do. It was that time when she was feeling good and thought she was on the top of everything, but it always ended with Jungkook reminding her of a ton of things that had to be done on priority.

“I was actually having a good day, don’t dump work on me now.” She said anyway, knowing Jungkook would never listen to her because that was his job. She was the boss, he was the secretary and she had to get work done, not delay it.

“You say that, and when you actually have nothing major to do, you whine about not having work instead of chilling. You love working, stop complaining.” Jungkook called her out and Y/N sighed as she realized that was exactly how it was.

“Really. You use that phrase to dump work on me now?” She asked, still being stubborn and fighting against a lost cause.

“We can talk about that, or we can talk about how you and Yoongi eye fucked each other today.” Jungkook said casually, and Y/N rolled her eyes, chuckling slightly.

“Was it that obvious? He’s hot. I’m hot.” She shrugged and Jungkook shook his head. “Taehyung and I were wondering when you’d both jump onto the table and do the nasty, but surprisingly you guys held it in.”

“Alright fine. Give me my schedule and leave. We all noticed the intense stares you and Taehyung were giving each other. I think I remember him squeezing your thighs under the table. Everything okay done there, JK?” Y/N raised her eyebrow and held out a hand, smiling at how Jungkook blushed and placed his tablet in her hand.

“Whatever.”

Twenty minutes into the video on his personal laptop, ready to relieve his stress for the day, and Yoongi realized that he really had fucked up. He had fucked up the very first day he’d come back from the first meeting with Y/N with an aching cock. And to add the cherry on top, he’d gotten rid of his boner jerking off to explicit scenes of Y/N that his mind had conjured up so readily.

Even when he made a conscious effort to pay attention and jerk off to the porn on his computer screen, his mind drifted off to Y/N, and that would be the only way he could get off anymore. Had she been his secretary, he would’ve fucked her already by then, maybe more than just once. With that thought becoming regular, he waited for his cock to get up and make him feel alive as he played his favorite porn to correct the mistake he’d made and get back to normal.

He almost thought his dick was broken as he plainly watched a boss fuck his secretary as punishment, until he closed his eyes and he was in his office, with Y/N standing in front of him, her ass tucked into a short tight skirt and her black blouse shaping her figure so well he wanted to rip it off of her.

“Fuck!” Yoongi groaned feeling himself growing hard at the thought of Y/N being his secretary, constantly following him around in tight dresses that left little to the imagination, doing everything he told her to do and taking punishment whenever she made a mistake. His cock was aching, and his hand moved to the tip of his cock already dripping with precum. Giving up his efforts to go back to normal a millionth time, he indulged in his fantasy and his hand gripped his cock tightly, spreading his precum over his length.

His mind was reeling, and he was then standing over Y/N bent over his table, recreating the scene on his computer with her and himself. Instead of punishing her, he was rewarding her for doing a good job on the project, stroking the soft flesh of her bare ass held in the air just for him to touch and do with whatever he pleased.

His hand moved up and down his length, and he groaned when the fantasy version of himself slipped two fingers between Y/N’s dripping folds, bringing her juices to his cock, his tip leaking with precum and he jerked as he pressed his thumb to his slit.

“So good for me, aren’t you sweetness?” He whispered, his fingers plunging into her tight heat and curling as she gasped, laying helpless with her face pressed to his table and hands held behind her back.

“Yes, sir. Just for you.” Y/N mewled, as Yoongi thrust his fingers into her faster, his hips now jerking up from the mattress as he fucked into his fist, his mouth opening at how delicious she sounded, a little bit of drool slipping past her lips as her mouth hung open with how good he made her feel. He increased his pace at that thought, the fact that he was the one making her feel so good that her body quivered with unbearable pleasure.

The thought made him angry, pissed at how he was jerking off to the satisfaction of pleasing her, and to make himself feel better, he slapped her ass harshly, once, twice and he kept going, Y/N’s body moving forward with the force, and he was sure that it was stinging at that point. Yoongi expected her to scream, beg him to stop as he spanked her relentlessly and his fingers pushed into her heat brutally, but even in his fantasy, his mind betrayed him, and Y/N moaned.

“More.” she begged.

“Fuck, that’s so hot. Fuck fuck fuck!” Yoongi grunted as he reached his peak, spilling ropes of white hot cum over his hands, chest and his sheets. As he rode out his high, he imagined Y/N cumming on his fingers, her body shaking from her orgasm and she tried to look back at him from the table. “Thank you, sir.”

Yoongi groaned, his hands having a mind of their own as he brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked on them, where behind closed eyes, he tasted Y/N’s sweet arousal. A growl ripped through his chest as he swallowed, his tongue circling over his fingers until he had cleaned out every drop. Slowly opening his eyes, he took note of the mess he was in his bed.

He shut down his laptop harshly, throwing it to the side as he cleaned himself with the tissues by his bedside. His habit had turned into an addiction and if his fantasy made him so hard, he couldn’t comprehend what it would be like to actually be inside of Y/N.

On the pretense of discussing pressing issues, he found himself at her office countless times, and he couldn’t help all the dirty thoughts his mind came up with when they sat across each other. And the fact that he knew she wanted it, she thought about him just as much, made him leave her office with a hard on every single time.

Not surprisingly he’d come to realise that fantasy-secretary-Y/N and the actual Y/N were nothing alike. He was always in control when he imagined her as his secretary, but when it came to the woman who came up with solutions for issues in the project, the CEO of the company he wanted a deal with, the arrogant one who was on the cover of Brilliant Minds, it was evident that Y/N was always in control.

While Yoongi was used to people honoring his opinions above all else, Y/N had no problem turning them down, only picking up the points that interested her and were beneficial to the project. It irked him that she always had a logical explanation for every idea she refused, and he’d understood in quiet a short while as to why her company was doing as good as it was.

Even when they both checked out each other, she never showed signs of weaknesses and his idea of distracting her from work with his seductive demeanor wouldn’t go as planned, and it made it harder for him to convince her to implement his opinion. He never dared to act out on his fantasies; his work was not something he wanted to put at risk when he was responsible for employing so many people.

He’d adopted her thinking technique swiftly after, and then seemed to agree with most of her opinions, she was helping him grow that was for sure, and over the course of six months while their project was implemented and went into the market, Yoongi was at par with her thoughts. He would point out flaws in her ideas and if he thought he was the expert before, he had definitely perfected his decision-making abilities after the deal with Y/N.

At the first mistake he’d ever pointed out, Y/N had been surprised, and then she’d slowly gotten used to it, her own mind gearing up for a battle as she worked harder to spot his mistakes. With a silly quarrel keeping the project efficient at all times, it bloomed through the market and the both of them were fairly satisfied.

Their deal was a hit, and it was only natural that they’d pursue more. In no time, another contract was made, this time with higher investment, more project staff and greater focus on marketing. They were so damn sure of success.

“So what do you propose be our strategy?” She asked, her eyes not leaving his lips as she bit her own. It was impossible to look away from his face and she was fully aware that she was checking him out again with no shame, but when she realized he was doing the same to her countless times, she just couldn’t get rid of the habit.

“Let’s go deep. Let’s do something that makes us feel good too.” Yoongi rasped and if she was distracted before, her mind was completely astray now. His words held an entirely different meaning and she was starting to grow hot from whatever he had implied.

Yoongi felt the same, the way Y/N’s eyes had widened by the tiniest fraction and then fallen down to a low hooded gaze had him licking his lips in anticipation. He had been hard since the moment his legs had accidentally touched hers under the table, and just the thought of being able to feel them with his hands made his cock strain against his pants.

All he wanted to do in that moment was, to pull Y/N onto the table, mount her and make her scream his name as he pounded into her. He wanted to feel the fantasy he’d jerked off to every night in the past few months, the night before and that morning when he decided to ask her to come and meet him for no particular reason. He wanted to see her in his office for a change, and he no doubt felt in control.

Her presence, the way she looked at him with her chin held high, the way she shot down some of his ideas by pointing out the loop holes, the way she’d raise an eyebrow and subtly tilt her head whenever she made a point, every time she exuded power in even the tiniest things she did, fucking everything turned him on.

To be constantly beaten at his own damn game with the dominance she had, made him pissed. He wanted to put her in her place, and at the same time he wanted to kneel down and do anything she’d say. Even then, as he watched her drag her lips through her teeth, it made him furious, furious that he wasn’t the one doing it. Involuntarily his body sat up and he watched her rise in the same moment, a brief pause before they were both leaning over the table and crashing their lips together.

Y/N tasted divine, a low groan rumbled deep in Yoongi’s chest as his tongue met hers instantly, the realization of her hastiness bringing on a wave of arrogance as he tried to savage her mouth. His tongue had explored her mouth for barely two seconds before she was pushing again, her tongue clashing with his as they fought for dominance. It was so important to the both of them, their ego slipping into the way they kissed, bit, licked, nipped, sucked and it would only end when one of them would surrender. It didn’t seem likely.

As they pulled apart for breath, his lips pressed to her jaw and his hands went around her waist pulling her onto the table to sit. With one sharp tug he pulled her across to himself, twisting her completely towards him and wrapping her legs around his waist. Y/N’s skirt bunched up at her thighs and Yoongi’s hands instantly pressed onto her skin, palming and squeezing the soft skin as his lips mapped their way back to hers.

Yoongi had imagined that Y/N would give up fighting after all this time, but even as he pulled her crop top over her head and cupped her breasts, she still managed to dip her tongue into his mouth, never losing control even as she moaned at the way he fondled her breasts. A soft whine slipped past her lips as Yoongi pulled away from her, his own lips missing her touch as he unhooked her bra with one hand and threw it behind him, closing the distance between them again as he sucked her breast into his mouth.

He rolled his tongue around her nipple and Y/N gasped, gripping his hair and bringing him closer to her. He released her breast from his mouth with a small pop, his face burying itself in the valley between her breasts and inhaling the fragrance. He dragged his tongue all the way to her neck, her jaw, her chin and eventually into her open mouth. He sucked on her tongue as she took a hold of his tie, pulling it loose and snapping open the buttons of his white shirt.

Y/N was desperate to touch Yoongi and as soon as her hands felt the warmth of his smooth skin under her fingers she sighed, laying her palms flat against his chest and rubbing the skin. She had waited too damn long and at that moment she didn’t care if someone would knock on the door. She hadn’t missed how Yoongi had locked his door behind her when she came in, but either way it wouldn’t matter if anyone walked in on them at that point. She wanted him, and she would have him.

Catching up to her hastiness Yoongi undressed just as quickly, throwing away his blazer which was followed by his shirt and tie. His hands moved to Y/N’s skirt, flicking the buttons open and pulling down as her hands worked on unbuckling his belt. As his trousers dropped to the floor, he pulled his briefs down to his ankles, his cock springing free from the containment and growing painfully hard at the sight of Y/N stepping out of her skirt.

He stopped her as she moved to pull off her thin black stockings, staring at the skin he could see through the translucent material. His mind snapped a picture of how Y/N looked right then, naked on his table, with a poor excuse for cloth covering her legs which were accentuated by her black pumps.

“Those stay on.” He growled, and much to his annoyance she bit her lip and smirked at him. As he made to grab her waist, Y/N put a firm hand on his shoulder. With the slightest pressure, she was pushing him down, face lowering past her shoulders, jaw and her navel to the only place that he knew he wanted to be at.

Her strength was incomparable to his really, and he could throw her off in a second if he wanted to, but her eyes fixed on his sent him into a trance and he was surrendering, sitting on his knees, his eyes leveling with her dripping heat.

“Eat me.” Y/N commanded and without a second thought, Yoongi buried his face into her heat, his tongue licking a broad strip over her folds gathering her sweet juices. Y/N moaned as her hands clutched his hair, tugging at the roots in want.

The treat was long awaited, and Y/N enjoyed just how good he looked at that moment, his face stuffed into her core and doing all she told him to. Yoongi poured in all of his anger into it, how she’d pissed him off, how she’d constantly kept him sexually frustrated for the past few months and just how unfair the situation was when she displayed her power.

His mouth ravaged her, gulping down every drop that slipped from her heat and pushing his tongue into her hole for more. His hands grabbed her thighs, feeling the soft material of her stockings stretch under the force of his fingers. Pulling up both of her legs, he rested them on his shoulder, the pointed edge of her pumps digging into his back as she clenched her thighs around his head.

Y/N gripped her hands at the edge of the table as Yoongi fucked her with his tongue, the soft muscle curling inside her walls wonderfully as his hands kept her from shutting her thighs together from the pleasure. She wanted to finish right there, and she knew that was what Yoongi would love to do to her, make her cum with his tongue alone. Gripping Yoongi’s hair tighter she pulled him away from her heat, his eyes hooded with lust as her juices dripped down his chin. She pulled his face closer to hers, swiping her tongue from his chin to his bottom lip, collecting her arousal and pushing it into his mouth. He let her in so easily, lapping hungrily at the sweetness and moaning.

“I want you inside me.” She moaned, reaching for his cock and pumping it twice to spread the pre cum leaking from his tip before pushing the tip into her heat. Yoongi grunted at the sudden shift in pleasure, his eyes closing as he pushed into her fully and bottomed out.

“Fuck, so tight. So wet, sweetness.” He groaned, and Y/N held on tighter to him, pushing him backwards until he landed on the chair behind while she settled down on his lap. She pushed down onto him slowly, rolling her hips and adjusting to his size. Her hands gripped his shoulders for support and Yoongi wrapped his around her waist to keep her from falling.

Her lips were latched to his collarbone sucking on his skin no doubt creating the same red patterns that he had done over her chest and shoulders. His hands moved up the span of her bare back to her neck and he slipped his hands into her hair and pulled her face to his. He managed to kiss her while she bounced on his cock, her breasts touching his chin and neck with every move.

He cupped her ass as she circled her hips against him, and he buried his face once more between her breasts. He tightened his hold on her as he hauled her up, and placed her on the table, pushing her backwards and laying her down as he climbed the table on his knees, straddling her. Smirking, she spread her legs wider, and Yoongi’s eyes slipped to her heat, groaning at how filthy the sight was to look at. Another push and he would crumble.

His eyes flared in anger at her cockiness and he decided on the only thing he could do. Punish her. He thrust into her suddenly, knocking the breath out of her as he bottomed out, only giving her a second to compose herself before he slammed into her repeatedly. Y/N’s face was twisting into a fucked-out look that Yoongi considered dangerous rather than a sign of weakness.

Her body jerked as he pushed into her, moans slipping out from her mouth with every thrust and sometimes overlapping to turn into gasps as he increased his pace. His hands were laid flat on her belly holding her down and making sure she took every inch of his length. She let out a slight gasp as he smacked her breasts, marveling at how they bounced with every thrust. Looking down on her as he towered over her naked figure, spread out on his office table while he pounded into her, it was his fantasy coming to reality.

He savored every moment of being in control, being the one that made her look so fucked out underneath him that the sight alone had his orgasm teetering on the edge. But he refused to give in, he refused to come until she did, and with all the will power he had in him, he pulled her up by her waist and held her tight to his chest, hitting her deeper from the new angle.

Even as his ego swelled, he knew he was far from being in control. He’d already seen what Y/N could do; she had made him get on his knees first, and he had enjoyed it more than he would’ve ever imagined. At that moment, as he sucked on her breasts and his hand teased her clit, he knew that she was letting him be in control. It was obvious that they both were into power play. Y/N was her own person, independent, strong and she didn’t need anybody but herself to keep her satisfied, much like him and that made everything about her so god damn sexy.

As Y/N felt the cool metal of Yoongi’s Rolex rub against her clit, she shivered, pushing herself down to match every one of his thrusts, the feeling of him deep inside and the cool metal on her nub driving her closer to her orgasm. Yoongi was quick to observe, her walls clenching around him tightly, and he worked his fingers faster on her clit, desperate to get her to reach her release first.

He almost thought he’d succeeded as Y/N’s walls were so tight around him, he let himself climb the high and as soon as he let his guard down, he knew he was done for when he noticed the glint in her eyes. She swooped down to lick a broad strip across his abdomen and with the same need to devour him, she pulled his nipple into her mouth, biting the pebble and twisting her tongue around the skin deliciously. When she moaned against his skin, the vibration shot straight down to his cock deep inside her and he shattered. As he groaned into her hair, his fingers instinctively pinched her clit and she was following him, tipping over the edge.

Both had their heads tilted back as they rode out their highs, their pants becoming the only thing they could hear as the sound of their skin slapping together reduced and eventually halted. Y/N could feel Yoongi’s hot load dripping out of her heat, pooling on the table as they clutched each other tight.

Once they’d both regained their breathing, Y/N chuckled and bit her lip. “That was a good strategy. Very deep.”

Yoongi snorted. “Yes, I do love how it fit so perfectly.” He murmured against her hair and pushed into her slightly to emphasis on the fitting part. As soon as he did, he was growing hard again, and the fact that Y/N’s walls were still so snugly wrapped around him was only adding fuel to the fire.

Y/N looked at him with raised eyebrows, “Is that what I think it is?”, she bit her lips and Yoongi blushed. When he made to pull out, Y/N wouldn’t let go of him, holding him tighter and inside her.

“Door’s locked.” She grinned and Yoongi cursed, almost cumming again right there.

He growled as he picked her up off the table and carried her to the nearest wall. Playfully biting at her nose, he pressed her against the wall, lips finding hers as they dove back in. In his mind, he’d figured out his schedule for the day, and he would do it over and over on every inch of his office.

“It will be as long as you’re here, sweetness.”

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[mahou-furbies]

After a few months of break I’m back to thinking about the Dazzling Pink Precure again and it’s as confusing as usual (two characters have changed names since the most recent pic). I’d like to finally be able to post finalised designs some day so I could actually do something with them, but that really needs the basic story idea to be completed first or they’re going to just keep changing every few weeks. 

Which leads to another issue: so let’s say I manage to map out the perfect plot for my dumbass Cures to explore. Then what? I have no interest (or ability) in writing fanfiction, but I can’t draw comics either. So what will I do, just sit quietly and aggressively imagine the story to myself? Then I could claim it’s the best story ever and none of you could prove me wrong, but it also doesn’t feel very fun.

Anyway once I figure out one character I think I have the big picture down, after which it’s mostly just character stuff. But here’s a tip: if your premise is that all your characters have the similar straightforward, easygoing, friendly, altruistic and good-natured personality, maybe give it a second thought. Because it’s pretty difficult to include some conflict to the story when the characters just want to be friends and help each other...

[aki-chan2014]

To make a change from doing Danganronpa OCs, and since I’d been vaguely considering the idea of making Filigree Street/Pepperharrow OCs, when I decided to start using aesthetic lists to come up with character ideas I decided specifically to use a couple for this purpose. The list that I got this aesthetic from is here (I’m not tagging because I don’t think the person I found this from is OP). 

But anyway, I decided to create 21st century descendants for both Matsumoto/Carrow and Steepleton/Mori families, and this is my girl for the former. I have no story/plot idea for either of them but hey, I’m sure someone might. And if you are that someone and you want to use  this girl and the other (once I’ve finalised her idea) in a story, by all means go for it as long as I’m credited!

ANYWAY, meet Kiyomi Matsumoto, under the aesthetic of the city:

She is 17 years old and in her final year of high school, and she actually doesn’t know that much about her Meiji-era family history, beyond the fact that her father does occasionally like to boast about them being descended from a Baron. While they’re well off, more or less, their privileged status is a thing of the past. But if and when Kiyomi was to look into her past more closely, she’d realise that she looks uncannily like a Japanese version of Grace Carrow, and honestly her natural hair colour (a plain, mousy colour as per the picrew) is also a throwback from that faint foreign ancestry. It’d mean a lot to her, to know that she does have a tangible link to her family, because needless to say, she does not look like any of them. Not even her twin sister, Miyuki. 

She was also an unusually difficult baby in comparison to both Miyuki and her older and younger brother (Shunsuke and Takeshi, respectively), with issues relating to putting on weight that she has to this day. She was also someone who always felt like she related to the world a little differently (part of this, she’d later realise, was down to being somewhere on the LGBT spectrum, though she’s not sure where she belongs in there yet) and all this combined with her very different looks made her feel like an outsider for the longest time. All through elementary school and in the first year and a half of middle school, she tried to be invisible, unassuming. She was painfully shy and hated any kind of attention on her.

Something changed for her during her second year of middle school though. She isn’t really sure what, but it changed, and instead of being invisible she decided to embrace her weirdnesses and find her own interests and passions. Hence she highlighted her hair and added gold streaks for fun, found her slightly punky fashion sense. Her confidence developed and though she always remained quiet, she developed a razor sharp wit that she refused to hide and realised that she was adventurous, curious and funny. She became nocturnal, more or less, freely being able to indulge in night time activities once she started at an elite, eccentric high school that was far enough away that her family rented her a flat to live in during term time. Over the past few years, she really has developed a love of the night, especially in the glittering heart of Tokyo. 

She also made a point of befriending other misfits of all types, including delinquents of all sorts, but she herself remains on the straight and narrow despite fully embracing her different, slightly rebellious self. She likes school and studying a lot, and enjoys physics and poetry in equal measure and finds herself appalled at people deciding only one is superior to the other. She has what looks like a ridiculously enormous appetite, but part of that is due to needing so much more effort to actually keep her weight on. Nonetheless, she makes the most of every culinary experience, likes trying new things, and adores fruits best of all. 

[dianhq]

hello, i’m eleanor, i’m from england and my pronouns are she/her !! this is my precious little child dian edelstein; she deserves the world but keeps getting screwed over by everyone. i’d love to plot with you all !! also, if you haven’t roleplayed with me before, this is constance zimmer, constance is precious and needs to be appreciated more !! please love her !!

[ constance zimmer, forty six, cisfemale, she/her ] ━ hey, I just saw [ dian arenson ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ two months ], and you can catch them around town working as an [ actress ]. I hear they’re known to be [ compassionate & genuine ] and [ impulsive & sensitive ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ oversized jackets, cold cups of coffee & high heels]. ━ [ ooc: eleanor, 20, gmt, she/her] ▬▬

SUICIDE ATTEMPT TW, DEPRESSION TW, CHILD ABUSE TW.

dian was actually born in germany to a working class household barely holding themselves above the poverty line. she was named after her grandmother whose name was ‘diane’ but her mother wanted something different for her daughter so they both decided to drop the e.

everything that they worked for was for dian. when she was growing up, her parents started saving to make their daughter have the best start in life. they bought a television and were able to get their hands on some american tv shows on video for their daughter to learn. she was too young for her school to be teaching any english but they were determined to get her learning as quickly as possible. it was gruelling as she didn’t have much time for fun; her parents were more interested in her future than what she was feeling at that moment.

she had always been a charismatic child that loved to entertain and bring joy with her performances and that was when the penny dropped for her parents. her mother quickly started looking at agencies. this time was particularly tough because her parents were pressuring her and she didn’t see having another choice in the matter whilst her father put in so many extra hours so that they could all jet off to los angeles for an audition.

as she was only young, it didn’t take long for dian to be picked up by a tv show called “the generation house” that would run for eight seasons and it would be shot in new york city. dian was given the part of philippa ‘pippa’ williams, a main character. the money quickly came in and her parents were so proud of her. after their finances had sky-rocketed because of the girls’ success, they decided to settle in los angeles, buying a big house with some of their daughters earnings; they had worked hard and she would have been nowhere without them so it was all fair.

their was pressure on dian to keep providing for the family, they had another child and she couldn’t let her down. however, as they grew older, the responsibility was shifted on to her sister; she had it all, she was the intelligent one, she was able to attend school and she was the one that could be trusted. it was sad to thing that her first director was more of a father than her own.

it became clear to the girl throughout her teenage years that her mother and father loved her because they wanted the money and in rebellion, she tried to quit. however, her father and mother were very emotionally manipulative and decided that putting her down would be the best way forward as she always rose to the challenge. their daughter worked hard and was intelligent but there was always a lack of love from her parents as the need to impress them consumed her.

when she became eighteen, she finally got access to her money and cut her parents off completely. they have tried to contact her at various points in her life but she was never going to allow them to use her like that.

for around a year, she tried the whole rebellious child star thing but decided that it wasn’t for her; she loved her craft despite being forced into it and she wasn’t going to take that away from herself.

dian was eighteen and she was looking for something more substantial. however, the transition from child star to actress was very hard; no one could get past her previous roles, that were light-hearted and comedic. her only option was to go in to the independent film industry, to get down to the nitty-gritty, the meaningful and artistic films and some got recognition while some didn’t even make a final cut. it was deflating to be pushed in to the background after so much work in her early years. it worried her because she hadn’t had to time to get a proper education, she hadn’t gone to school and appeared to have made no actual friends; most of the cast members that she had worked with had gone their separate ways; most of the child actors were either in rehab or had quit as they decided that it wasn’t for them.

it took dian years to break back in to the blockbuster hits.

however, people did seem to walk all over her. because of her relationship with her parents, it encouraged dian to constantly overcompensate in relationships, both romantic and friendship and this never works out for her. she feels like she’s in the wrong constantly and needs to make up for everything.

dian is a serial monogamist; she’s been in relationships constantly since she was nineteen. think taylor swift but with a soul.

she is best known for her role in 2008′s ‘vices’ wherein she played harrison ford’s mistress; dian was nominated for an academy award but was beaten by kate winslet for the award. it wasn’t a secret that dian loved the limelight at times, it made her feel loved and the public seemed to adore her.  she deserved the recognition she got, some even said that winslet robbed dian that year.

the woman has three children and they all have different fathers.

she has won an acamdey award and been nominated three times; a talented queen !!

she has been married four times and they’ve always ended in disaster. dian doesn’t feel like she can ever be alone and as the media began to trash her and pick apart her decisions to keep on marrying these men, she felt like she needed it more.

dian tried to be around as much as she could for her children's’ childhood but her hectic schedule seemed to get in the way. she did spoil them slightly because she overcompensates in many ways. she’s also a doormat when it comes to her kids because every time she looks at them, she feels guilty that she missed so much in their lives.

when her fourth engagement came about to a screenwriter after just four months, tensions in her family rose instantly. her children were strongly advising against it but she didn’t want to listen and went along with it anyway. after she had chosen the guy over her children, the eldest two disowned her as they weren’t going to be there to help her pick up the pieces of another broken relationship. they were done counselling her over such matters and felt no obligation to make sure things were fine for her. although she was miserable from this situation and their attitude, dian pressured herself into the marriage as she saw it as her very last shot at true love. she had been impulsive and her own desperation had pushed her into a marriage with her eyes closed, something that she’d soon discover.

nine months into the marriage, dian caught her new husband cheating with one of her younger costars on set. she was absolutely devastated when he left her to be with the younger model; as she overcompensates a lot, she was even prepared to look past it and for them to start again but he rejected her and served her with divorce papers.

then she started engaging in reckless behaviour and even more of the public were taking a dislike to her; she was once america’s sweetheart and now she had been deduced to this desperate old woman that couldn’t keep a man in her life. her youngest child became worried for her but was easily influenced by the older two that told them to ignore it.

the media continued to slam her life choices and she didn’t feel like she had support from anyone. the day that her divorce was finalised, she tried to take her own life. it was an impulsive decision but everything seemed to be destroyed and it seemed like the only way out. her manager, assistant and children are the only ones who currently know; dian has just sort of vanished...

after that, she decided that she needed to take a break so all of her projects are either on hold or she’s been replaced by another actress. she bought a home in crownsville

 and has been living there with her youngest child who has assumed responsibility for her. dian feels incredibly guilty that they have to take care of her as well as the aftermath of her children feeling like they weren’t a good enough reason for her to stay.

dian is settling into crownsville but is being honest with herself and doesn’t know how long it’ll last. it creates a lot of distance between her and hollywood so it is her breathing space but knows that it can’t fix everything. she does need more professional help but is reluctant to take it as she sees herself as an inconvenience. she loves acting, or loved it but it leaked into her personal life and created this mess so she doesn’t know if she’ll ever go back into it again. it’s so soon after her ordeal that she hasn’t made much progress.

personality wise, she’s such a sweetheart and is kind to everyone but can also be extremely sensitive; if someone’s mean to her, chances are that her eyes are going to be welling up with tears. she wants to help everyone all the time but neglects herself quite a bit which isn’t what she should be doing at this difficult time in her life.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

FRIENDS: she needs people to talk to.

LISTENERS: those people who she’s friends with but end up acting like a therapist.

FANS: it would be cool if someone constantly fangirled over her.

HOOK UPS: sometimes the loneliness gets to her once more and she’s taken to sleeping with people too often now that she knows she can’t handle relationships. (she’s bisexual so come at me!)

ENEMIES: someone who thinks she’s just a self-entitled narcissistic has been actress would be interesting.

DRINKING BUDDIES: even though she’s supposed to stay away from the stuff, she does find herself in situations where she ends up going for a drink and can’t control herself.

LIFELINE: a really close friend that she can call in the middle of the night if she’s having any difficulty.

MENTEE: she would act as a motherly figure towards them and take them under her wing as she feels like a failure to her own children and just wants to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy.

[radramblog]

Third men of Spiders

So a new Third Spider Man Movie has released.

Haven’t seen it. Don’t know if I will. Already got low-key spoiled by fucking google, so you know, annoyed about that one.

So fuck it, we’re looking at the other one. Because I just watched that instead, because it’s a good movie.

…no. No it isn’t.

Spider-Man 3 (2007) is a huge goddamn mess of a movie. It combines half-baked plotlines that go nowhere and didn’t have much of a start with ones that have been set up for literally over two movies, and the mesh is not particularly effective. There is simply way too much going on in this film, and there’s no room for any of it to actually breathe.

This could have been avoided.

The film has some strong hooks. There were a fair few scenes in the first two movies developing Harry Osborn as an antagonist for the franchise, and that is finally paid off in this one. Good! It’s great that we finally get to see all that effort get to work itself out. It’s not exactly subtle, but nothing about these films is subtle, so.

Shame the movie wastes that in the first few moments, where after one fight scene between Harry as New Goblin and the Spidery fella himself and boom, amnesia, fuck your plot development. And then that gets reversed partway through, and he gets an extremely abbreviated arc. We had to make room for other things.

And Sandman. We have a sympathetic anti-villain that directly ties back into Peter’s arc and backstory, one that can help finalise the three-movie long string his character has been following, and one that is kind of an arc the character needed to go through. Works well with the theme of forgiveness that also ties into everything with Harry. Sounds great, love it. But they give him basically no time to develop and so he has to have his entire goshdarn plot at the very beginning and the very end of the film. Aside from a random fight scene, because we have to remind everyone he exists.

Which leaves us with the conflicting plot tumours of the ongoing and quite cringe romance between Peter and MJ, and everything to do with Eddie/Venom. Also, Gwen Stacy is here. It’s a lot of unnecessary bullshit that gives the movie the extra-cringe reputation it has earned over the years. It feels like the movie is spinning wheels, wasting time- and to be fair, it kind of is.

Apocryphally, Venom and Gwen’s inclusion was mandated by the studio. Not exactly the original vision of the director. Considering the actual setup involved with the other plotlines, I’d believe that. The movie would obviously not be perfect without them, but it’d be better. Cramming so many characters into one film isn’t something that had really been managed yet successfully- I mean, Marvel eventually proved it was possible, vis a vis the Avengers, but it wasn’t done in a way where every single character is trying to have as much stuff going on all at different times. Those plotlines were, largely speaking, all intertwined to begin with, so it’s easier to keep it all running at once.

I think on the rewatch, the biggest disappointment I had going into the movie- not the worst thing, seeing as obviously all the edgy Peter stuff was somehow worse than I had remembered- was that they killed Harry off. Sure, his martyrdom is a form of closure, and it does resolve the…ugh, love triangle. But it does so in the most shitty, cliché way possible, and it wastes the potential of having him around for future movies. The character has finally had somewhat of a redemption, he’s defied the cycle of revenge, leading Peter the choice to do the same for Sandman. Not to mention, the team-up moments between the two are probably the best moments in the whole film. But nah, fuck it, can’t have him around for the sequel we’re making, that would be fun.

Spider-Man 3 is very much a movie of missed potential, I feel. There are real genuine elements of good in the film, like in many others. But its another case of good old studio meddling, I guess…although I suppose what we had to aspire to was another Spider-Man 2. Which is a fine movie, but…eh…

[phantom-le6]

Film Review - Soul

My apologies to anyone following me that I’ve not been posting much in the past couple of weeks.  In addition to finalising preparation for writing the third novel in the trilogy I’ve been working on, I’ve recently returned to having occasional days in the office for my day job, and having to transport my IT equipment to and from the bus on those days isn’t something I’ve acclimatised to yet.  However, I’m now up to film three in the quartet of films I was aiming to watch and review before starting on the Batman animated series.  So, without further ado, here is my look at Disney and Pixar’s Soul…

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

Joe Gardner, a pianist and middle school music teacher living in New York City, dreams of playing jazz professionally. When he receives an offer for a full-time teaching position, his mother Libba urges him to accept it, fearing for his financial security. One day, Joe learns of an opening in the quartet of jazz legend Dorothea Williams and auditions at a music club. Impressed with Joe's piano playing, Dorothea hires him for that night's show. As Joe heads off, his excitement distracts him, and he falls down a manhole.

 Joe finds himself as a soul heading into the "Great Beyond". Unwilling to die, he tries to escape but ends up in the "Great Before", where counsellors (all named Jerry) prepare unborn souls for life with the help of mentor souls. Each soul has a badge which grants passage to Earth once it is completely filled out with personality traits. Mistaken for a mentor, Joe is assigned to train 22, a cynical soul who has always lived in the Great Before and wants to avoid having to go to Earth. Discovering that Joe is in a coma at a hospital, 22 agrees to let him help find her "spark" to complete her badge and then give it to him so that he can return home. After Joe fails to find 22 a passion, they visit "the zone", a place that souls can enter when their passions create a euphoric trance, but which can also become a trap for obsessed lost souls. They come across Moonwind, the captain of a galleon bearing a troupe of hippie mystics, who help Joe locate his body on Earth.

 Joe returns to Earth but accidentally carries 22, resulting in the two souls respectively entering the bodies of a therapy cat and Joe himself. They find Moonwind (at his day-job as a sign twirler), who agrees to meet them later at the jazz club to restore Joe to his body. In the meantime, 22 settles into Joe's body and enjoys small moments while interacting with Joe's peers. She holds poignant conversations with Connie, a student who wants to quit the school band but changes her mind after performing a trombone solo; Dez, who wanted to become a veterinarian but now enjoys being a barber; and Libba, who finally accepts Joe's passion for music. Meanwhile, Terry, an obsessive accountant who tallies souls headed to the Great Beyond, discovers that Joe is missing and heads to Earth in order to send him to the Great Beyond and restore the count.

 As the day ends, Joe and 22 rendezvous with Moonwind to return Joe to his body. However, after Joe tells 22 that her experiences were not purposes, 22 refuses and flees to find her spark, with Joe tailing behind. As they run through a subway station, Terry traps them both and brings them back to the Great Before. 22 realizes her badge is filled out, yet Joe insists it was because of his traits, and that she has not truly found her spark. Angry, 22 tosses the badge at him and disappears into the zone. A Jerry informs Joe that a spark is not a soul's purpose in life, but Joe refuses to believe this and uses 22's badge to return to Earth.

 The night's show is a success, but Joe is not as satisfied as he imagined he would be and realizes that his life has not significantly changed even after fulfilling his dream. Looking at objects that 22 collected while in his body, and recalling the moments they had enjoyed together, he sees that these experiences have given 22 her spark. By playing piano, he enters the zone with the intent to return her badge but discovers that she has become a lost soul. He chases her down and shows her a maple seed she had collected to remind her of the time she spent on Earth, having realized that a spark is not a soul's purpose, but merely an indication that it is ready to live. Joe's actions restore 22 to normal, and he returns her badge and escorts her out of the Great Before for her journey to Earth.

 As Joe prepares to enter the Great Beyond, a Jerry stops him and offers another chance at life in gratitude for finally inspiring 22 to live. Joe returns to his body on Earth and starts the next day committed to enjoying the rest of his life.

Review:

When it comes to Disney and Pixar films, I’m not someone who goes in for everything that comes out of the collaboration of these studios, just like I don’t go for every Disney animated classic, etc.  More often than not when dealing with these films, especially now that I’m a grown man, the film has to offer up something in its very premise that makes me think “ok, that’s actually going to be interesting enough to be worth my time.”  A key example of this was several years ago when Disney and Pixar advertised Inside Out, and I was drawn in by the intriguing premise of a family-friendly exploration of a young mind.  Soul seemed to be a logical next step in the same vein, but shifting the focus from something psychological to something spiritual, while at the same time avoiding religion.

 Because of its very premise, Soul can be a tricky film to get into; there’s a lot of metaphysical, and quite frankly hypothetical, concepts that frame the scenes set in the soul realm, which is primarily split into a “great before” that is apparently the origin point for all unborn souls, and an access point to the “great beyond”.  The latter is evidently kept ambiguous both to avoid coming down for or against any religions, and also to keep the focus more on the former.  It’s one of many smart moves made by those behind the film; another is decision to establish a culture trust comprised of black employees and consultants so that the main character of Joe Gardner is an honest representation of black Americans and not some horrible stereotype.  I can think of so many places outside the film industry and so many groups in addition to black people who could benefit from such trusts being established.

 The story itself is certainly interesting as well, so the film isn’t just depending on this strange concept of a soul dimension to keep the audience hanging on, and the almost odd couple dynamic between the key characters of Joe and 22 (voiced by Jamie Foxx and Tina Fey, respectively) is a fun one to watch.  The middle part of the film where our main characters wind up in the wrong bodies brings a few scenes I initially felt compelled to fast-forward, as at first viewing they felt like weirdness for its own sake.  This is how I tend to regard any body-swaps played for comedic value, and it’s why you’ll never find me watching something like Vice Versa or Freaky Friday. However, having re-watched with the film commentary on, I now understand this is a necessary component in helping Joe, and to a lesser degree 22, to reassess their attitudes by altering their perspectives.

 The film has a decent jazz score as its title and the main character of Joe requires, and among the other actors lending their voices to the film are Angela Bassett (T’Challa’s mother from the MCU film Black Panther) and British TV host Graham Norton.  So, all in all, this film mostly sounds like it deserves its critical accolades, perhaps even more so considering that the film’s production had to be finished from home, as the Covid lockdowns hit Pixar when Soul had about seven weeks of production left.  Surely, one would think I couldn’t find anything to fault after realising what the body-swapping was about, right?

 Well, sadly, that isn’t quite the case.  The film works towards a reveal in its third act regarding the nature of what a soul’s “spark” is, but the way the scenes in the great before set out how these sparks are found contradicts what they supposedly turn out to be.  While that’s probably meant to be misdirection, it comes across as contradiction to me. The reveal is that sparks are just indicators of a soul’s readiness to live, but if that is so, why are new souls taken to the “hall of everything”, which is set up with examples of specific pursuits, or allowed to look what a mentor soul has done in their life? Everything in the build-up suggests a spark is a soul’s passion in life, not a readiness for life.  If it’s all about readiness for life, why wasn’t anything that inspired 22 to live available in the soul realm?  For me, this is the one part of the film where I think the reach of those who made the film exceeded their grasp.

 Other than this single issue, Soul is still a very good film, and while not quite at the same level as Inside Out, it is still a worthy follow-up film of sorts.  I give it 8 out of 10, and I think Disney and Pixar need to work on something like an Incredibles 3 or Inside Out 2 before they try to create more Soul films.  Hopefully the time in between will allow them to better prevent future inconsistencies if Soul is indeed given any sequels.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The Big Idea: Claire Eddy, Ibrahim Al-Marashi, Anoud and Dr. Zhraa Alhaboby

Here in the US, our fate and fortune was tied up in Iraq for many years. But what does the future hold for that country now? Iraq + 100, an anthology of Iraqi science fiction, offers several views of possibilities. Now, the acquiring editor and three authors from the anthology talk a bit about the book and the futures therein.

Claire Eddy, Senior Editor at Tor/Forge

I got a submission last fall from a small UK publisher and once I started reading I couldn’t stop. The editor of the anthology, Hassan Blasim, asked a simple question–how could you imagine your nation 100 years from now?

The question posed to Iraqi writers (those still in their homeland and those who have joined a world-wide diaspora), has produced an amazing project, a roadmap of what their country might look like following the disastrous foreign invasion of 2003.

Simply put, I believe that Iraq+100 is a piece of fiction that has the potential to make a difference.

I don’t say this lightly.  I am very passionate about all the projects that I take on, but Iraq + 100 has a particularly special importance to me. These writers have given us not just wonderful stories, but the collection itself has a unique voice that I think deserves to be heard. Storytelling has always had the power to not only entertain, but to inform and change hearts. I truly believe that this project has the ability to do these very things.

I think a project like Iraq + 100 would do well at any point in time. In the environment that we find ourselves now, however, I think this book has a much bigger potential.

Ibrahim Al-Marashi, author of “Najufa”

My story “Najufa” is based on my first trip to the Iraqi Shi’a shrine cities of Najaf and Kufa as an adult with my father and mother in 2010. The tensions that drive the relationship between the narrator and his grandfather in the story is based on the tensions I had with my own father during that trip. My father was born in the east African island of Zanzibar, as a result of his father escaping Najaf during the British occupation of Iraq in 1920 for taking part in an insurgency then. My father returned to Iraq in the sixties, went to medical school in Baghdad, and would visit Najaf and his relatives there often.  However, my father did not travel to Iraq when Saddam Hussein was in power from 1979 to 2003.

I expected the trip in 2010 to be a nostalgic “home coming” for him, but as an old man in his seventies, he seemed oblivious to the whole place or experience. He was more concerned with drinking tea and relating his life experiences to any random person in the tea house than visiting the shrines.  I compared his indifference to the spirituality inside the shrine complex to my observations at the same time of the younger pilgrims there, some who wanted to leave after a few minutes of praying, since their mobile phones are not allowed within the confines of any shrine, as terrorists use them to detonate explosives remotely.  Everyone had to check in the mobile phone outside the shrine, like a coat check, and without phones, that generation became fidgety.  After 2003, regardless of whether one was from Iraq or the “West,” what united us all was addiction to technology. In the story I wanted to project the evolution of how we will become the technology 100 years later, even in an ancient shrine city in Iraq.

Anoud, author of “Kahramana”

Kahramana is a slave girl in a story from A Thousand and One Nights which originates from the Abbasi Era in Mesopotamia, a golden age of enlightenment after which the region fell under conqueror after conqueror and women were further marginalized.

A Thousand and One Nights is one of the few literary examples I recall from the region where women are strong, dangerous characters that move a plot. Usually we’re either ‘damsels in distress’ needing the actions of men or we’re ‘conniving’ and ‘seductive’ inspiring men to act. Women did not swing a sword, not exactly. No surprise there, most of the authors are men.

A Thousand and One Nights did reflect on the norms of its times in the sense that women were spoils of war and slavery existed and was accepted. But women and slaves in those stories, like Kahramana, could be dangerous, independent, smart. Their husbands or keepers were their subordinates in the plot. They had little or no power to move the story along.

My story is more of a pun on A Thousand and One Nights. I make fun of the status quo between east and west, refugees and those on the receiving end. I chose her simply because Kahramana resonated with me as a child. I often passed by a fountain in Baghdad’s Kahramana Square that fascinated me. The fountain was built by a famous Iraqi sculpture in the 1970s to depict Kahramana (sometimes called Morjana) the slave girl from the story of Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves.

Kahramana was standing tall on top of a pile of large jars holding a jug and pouring down onto the jars underneath her feet. According to the story the slave girl was slaying the thieves by dousing them with boiling oil on then sealing each jar shut. We, as Baghdadis, were celebrating a woman slyer. We, in a country where women need men’s permission for anything. And I, the push-over little girl, found her both disturbing and amazing. She just stuck with me.

Though I have come a long way from the timid ‘good girl’ I was raised to be and I like to think I can stand up for myself, I still get pushed around because I’m of the wrong gender, I behave inappropriately for my social class, am of the wrong nationality, standing on the wrong side of a border. It’s fucking endless. And when I want to fly off the handle I remember Kahramana standing over the heads of thieves in a Square in Baghdad, killing them all, indifferent.

Dr. Zhraa Alhaboby, author of “Baghdad Syndrome”

The idea for Baghdad Syndrome was unclear at first, thinking about it brought hopes and fears together. Hence, I began to imagine a future in which Iraq heals with a scar, the scar is the syndrome.

Baghdad Syndrome is a collection of physical and mental symptoms reflecting what people in Iraq are going through. Inspired by my last visit to Iraq, I looked more worried about the future than people living there, I saw the syndrome in almost everyone! The heart rate increases with every sudden explosion, and fear of loss. The depression comes from uncertainty, where people do not really know whether they will return home if they went out. Hallucinations and nightmares, due to the verge of reality with unbelievable events. Yet, their faces were smiley, living the moment and kept smiling to survive. Amusingly the painful reality was turned into humour. The blindness in the Syndrome is a metaphor to the endless electricity cuts in Baghdad, leaving a city that loves lights in darkness. Another darkness is the sudden loss of beloved ones, a point in life where nothing else could remain the same afterwards.

The inspiration to link the syndrome with genetic mutations came from my work. During that year (2014), I was writing a report about health-related human rights in Iraq. Revising international reports showed that health was underrepresented. Back then I contacted the Ministry of Human Rights in Iraq, it was a hopeless attempt because having no internal governmental connections means the request will be overlooked. Yet, I received a prompt reply from a local employee striving to share internal reports from several parts of the country. These reports demonstrated increased rates of congenital malformations in newborns in areas still compiled with war wastes. However, the symptoms of Baghdad Syndrome are far away from being a relatively immediate physical impact.

Writing about the future was not an easy task, I needed a link to tell the story. My style of writing is through the lenses of ancient history and riddles. My emotional link with Scheherazade’s statue in Baghdad had always inspired me, I had the sense she was watching and telling stories about what’s happening around her. With my admiration of A Thousand and One Nights, I thought Scheherazade could be my witness and say my riddle this time. When I had the context, the syndrome, and Scheherazade, I could write part of myself in each character in the story to finalise it. After finishing the story I realised, I always sketched the statue with a background of buildings and a pigeon around! Looks like my version of the future was in my sub-consciousness after all!

https://whatever.scalzi.com/2017/09/15/the-big-idea-claire-eddy-ibrahim-al-marashi-anoud-and-dr-zhraa-alhaboby/

[emmaaspris]

♡ Brainstorming: Mind maps + Experimentation + Sketches

18 / 03 / 2020

Over the past two weeks we have done lots of varied different work shops and activities to help us in our research and idea development. Over the course of this time, I have come up with a couple of ideas for potential narratives. They are very vague at the moment, because they are just concepts, but hopefully once I am able to settle on one, I can flesh out the story and characters more. 

I have three separate ideas for this FMP, but this does not mean that I might pick only one. I’m still open to newer ideas. Once I have gathered together my research and inspirations, I will begin to develop it and start to link it back to previous projects. 

In this blog, I will go over the brief idea of each concept and then list out how it links to previous research and projects. I will also describe how each idea came to me. 

1 - Glass City

This was my first idea, inspired by the preparatory task at the beginning of the FMP. I took inspiration from a glass diamond. Upon closer inspection, I found that the shapes inside looked like the street of a city at a high perspective. This idea follows a main character trying to achieve some sort of goal in this universe. It was fun to think about if a city were made out of glass, what it would mean for the people living there, nature and the ruler. I came up with the concept of a mayor with some aspect of unstable obsessiveness with being able to see everything that’s going on in the city. No secrets. No privacy. 

The pros of this idea is the aesthetics I think I can get with this. Especially when looking into how light interacts with transparent objects and surfaces. What colours can I use that will make it look dream-like enough? Another pro to this idea is the way I heavily want to link it back to surrealism. The civilians would most definitely have parts of their features and personalities disorientated and strange looking. Everything would be topsy-turvy, where fish can fly and birds swim. 

Would this be an actual reality or would it be a good idea to make all the surreal aspects of this universe have a metaphorical meaning? None of it is actually real, rather from the mind of a young protagonist with a very big imagination?

I could explore surreal character design inspired by the work of Max Ernst and Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland in particular.) 

 I could look further into light source and its relationship with transparency. 

 I could work towards an outcome of a highly detailed, large scale illustration that compliments this universe, along with a short comic. 

 I could also look back at Primitive worlds and perhaps think about trying to build a miniature scale version of this city. (An idea I would have to look into more about materials and how I could work this out.)

 Projects this links back to:

‘Seekers’ - Narratives, Character Design

‘Primitive Worlds’ - Potential 3d diorama, Character Design, World building

‘Pick & Mx’ - Character design, Surrealist art movement. 

I stuck with this sort of idea for a while, but due to further research I did into Alice in wonderland, and then into the 1950′s, I began to have an idea of something a little different but still in a city setting. This idea also came to me after I interpreted the word ‘Encounters’ for myself using a mind map: A significant meeting of two unique strangers. They have to be extremely different and their meeting must trigger an adventure or ‘quest’. 

2 - Switched Bodies Idea

The main idea of this concept is quite a simple one but perhaps over-used? The main protagonist would likely be a young but talented detective who is trying to solve a mystery of (*something*) for someone. He’s very talented and one of the best, but as soon as he thinks he’s come close to solving it, he realises it’s a trap and that someone who employed him is actually trying to kill him. Despite the heavy, darker turn of events, while on the run he bumps into a young girl and they switch bodies because of (*something*). This somehow makes him lose the bad guys but now he’s in a 10 year old girl’s body. Then he has to try to solve the mystery with her help so that they can reveal the truth and switch back, thus forming an unlikely friendship. 

I’m not sure what it is with me and unlikely friendships developing over a narrative (especially considering my ‘Seekers’ project theme), but I’m all for it.

The themes of this would be mostly comedic, with aesthetics from the 1950′ s detective tv shows and western comic book art. The plot would likely be very character development heavy, as both main protagonists are introduced to extremely different view-points. Their differences will be understood when they learn to live in each others shoes. 

Out of the ideas I have come up with already, this is the one that I favour the most currently. But this may change depending what knew things inspire me or if another idea pops up that I like more. Some outcomes I could consider are:

A pose to pose walk cycle of the two main characters. Coloured and Shaded. 

Research on western detective shows/animations. Also aesthetics of cartoons in the 1950′ s 

 Contextual research about the 1950′s aesthetics, influences and life style. 

 A comic book of about 10 pages illustrating the protagonist’s ‘Encounter.’

Projects this links back to:  

‘Seekers’ - Narrative, pose to pose animation 

‘Movers & Shakers’ - Muybridge cycles

‘Pick & Mix’ - Character Design, Character turn arounds

3 - Deep Sea Encounter

This idea was inspired by the Dark Room elective I had every week especially the second week of it where we looked at another form of creating photos using light sensitive materials. This process is called: Cyanotype printing. 

As you can see in the blog were I write up that week’s elective, the effect of it is a deep blue background and a white outline. My favourite part of it was the way any white bits seemed to glow. It gave me an idea of a potential under water scene. The encounter would be between a mermaid and a diver. He drops his flare and in a panic to get it back, he gets himself tangled up in a net. A mermaid is drawn to the light of it and so she meets the diver, but she isn’t so keen to give it back because she thinks it’s pretty. This is the most vague idea out of the three because there are some big plot holes I would have to fix if I were to pick this. But if I were to create some illustrations based on an undersea world, I think the aesthetics would look really nice. Especially since I can still sort of keep that light source research in mind, seeing how light reacts through water. 

The downfalls of this idea are that I think it’s too much like The Little Mermaid, a very well known story. Although I could link mermaids to surrealism, I think that claim would be weak as mermaids are well known fantasy creatures, frequently seen in books and other media. Surrealism is the strange and shocking, so despite that mermaids don’t resemble real life, I don’t think they are particularly mind boggling enough to truly feel like something out of the unconscious mind. However, some outcomes I could work towards with this idea are: 

 A rotoscoped animation 

 Character Turn Arounds

 Research on certain types of fish and developing them into personified mer-people.

 Contextual Research on mythology surrounding Mermaids such as Sirens. (Particularly Greek Mythology, but a little say from every culture would be interesting.)

 Finalised illustration. 

 Projects this links back to:  

‘Movers & Shakers’ - Rotoscoped Animation

‘Seekers’ - Narratives

‘Pick & Mix’ - Character design, Surrealist Movement

[artificialqueens]

See you in April (Chapter 2)

A/N - Hey guys, I’m back back back back back again! First of all thank you so much for the lovely feedback I received for Chapter 1, and I’m ever so sorry that this has taken so long - I won’t bore you all with the details but I have a lifelong medical condition that can sometimes flare up quite badly and I was all ready to finalise this chapter and submit it then bam, emergency surgery and 3 weeks in the hospital for me! But I’m back home now and ready for you guys.

Also, whilst I was in the hospital I got a bit carried away and this chapter ended up being close to 10,000 words… so I have split it into two parts and Chapter 2.5 will be with you soon. I would find the link for Chapter 1 in case you missed it but I’m clueless on my phone, but I’m sure you can find it in my author tag! For now, Chapter 2/2.5 is taking you on a long and angst ridden journey right back to where it all began, 6 months before Trixie steps into Katya’s apartment and has “the talk.” Backstory come through!

7 months ago

“And… cut. Great work today ladies. Tomorrow we just have the Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years videos to shoot and then we’re wrapped for the season!”

“Yes, gawd. Thanks Petey, you beautiful little whore.” Katya always lived up to her name as the sweatiest woman in show business but today she could feel her face slowly sliding off and the edges of her wig giving up on her. She looked over to Trixie fanning herself, looking as pristine as ever. “Come on, I’m literally 5 minutes away from drowning in my own liquids and I’m sick of you always looking better than me. Mother, let’s become real boys again.”

The two queens made their way into their shared dressing room and started wiping, pulling and untucking away their alter egos. Before long, two men were staring back at them in the mirror.

Trixie looked at himself in the mirror. He took his hands to his face and started using his fingers to contort his skin. “I can’t even make fun of you for being ancient anymore. I look so old and busted.”

Katya’s mouth dropped open. Is he fucking with me? He had never seen the younger man look better in his life. He had lost weight, toned up, was watching what he ate. He was gorgeous - but then again, Katya had believed that since the moment he saw him. It was just now the rest of the world agreed with him. “On one hand I wanna tell you the truth and say how fucking incredible and perfect you look, always, so that you feel better about yourself, and on the other hand I wanna agree with you and tell you that you look awful so that you will fall into my arms because you think no one else will ever want you.”

Trixie threw a breast pad at Katya and it hit him right on the face. “Bitch! You wish you could have me.” Yeah, I wish I could. “I just need a holiday or something. I’m tired of spreading fake tan all over my body, it smells like balls.”

“And you don’t like that? That’s the only reason I use it! You know the last time I went on holiday? Rehab. That’s the honest truth. I don’t even think I’ve had more than 4 days off in a row since the show. I wish I could you just fuck off to, I don’t know, Palm Springs or something.”

Trixie put down the bag he was packing, and gave Katya a familiar smile that told him he had an idea brewing.

“Why don’t we?”

“Why don’t we what?”

“Fuck off to Palm Springs.” Katya threw her a raised eyebrow. “I’m not joking, bitch!”

“Oh, at all.” The pair collapsed onto the couch in the dressing room, laughing at their simultaneous response. Trixie threw his legs up onto Katya’s lap and relaxed back onto the cushions. Katya rested his hand on the top of Trixie’s thigh and gave it a comforting squeeze. It was funny, Trixie had expressed time and time again how much he hated people getting in his personal space and having too much physical contact with other people, but he was never that way with Katya. Katya had noticed how easily Trixie would grab his hand and stroke his palm with his thumb, move Katya’s arm and wrap it around his shoulder, or stroke his hair when Katya was resting his head against him. He was always open and relaxed around him, and Katya was the same. He would find himself gravitating towards Trixie wherever they were and whoever they were with. It felt weird to see Trixie sit next to anyone else other than him, and he remembered more than one argument had with Trixie when Katya had sat next to another queen instead of him. If Trixie were to go on holiday without him he would get jealous, so…

“Why not? A little staycation might do us both some good, Barbra. When do you wanna go?”

“End of the month? We’ve both got gigs for the next 10 days but then we also both have 2 weeks off right after. It makes sense.” The grin on Trixie’s face was growing wider and wider with every sentence. “Are we going or what?”

“We’re going, kid. Pack your bag and bring your best tits. Let’s go have some fun.”

Six and a half months ago

Trixie opened the door on his side of the cab and thanked the driver for helping them with their bags. Katya was already up on the short wall in the front of the yard, doing handstands and jumps. This goof hasn’t been here 5 minutes and she’s already running around like a toddler. Trixie couldn’t help but smile at his flexible friend. He’d been through some real dark times in his life and yet here he was; positive, driven, fun, and with the most beautiful and genuine smile Trixie had ever seen in his life. He adored the older man and cherished being able to see his happiness finally shine through.

“Come on you old bitch, I know you’re excited but I’m not carrying your bag too.”

“Excuse me, Miss Fitness Journey Mattel. You bring the strength now, and I bring the personality. And the condoms and lube just in case.” The older man shot him a wink and left Trixie standing outside the front door, wondering whether he wanted it to be a joke or not.

The days passed in a happy blur. The two men spent the days lounging around by the pool in the house they were staying in, soaking the sun into their pale and over worked skin, relishing the daily change in colour and counting each new freckle that popped up. Trixie spent every day noticing just how much happier his friend was with every morning he woke up there; his skin glowing, his eyes getting brighter, his laugh somehow getting louder. He had never looked better. Or hotter. Their evenings were split between strolling to a new restaurant and coming back to the house to write some new material or introduce each other to films they had never watched. The older Brian forced his younger counterpart to sit through A Streetcar Named Desire, which Trixie concluded people only raved about because of Marlon Brando’s face. Tonight, however, was Trixie’s turn, and there was only one film he had in mind - Mean Girls.

“For fuck sake Brenda, you know I turned this off after 10 minutes and vowed to never watch it again. I refuse!”

“Uh uh, you know the rules. No refusals, no exceptions. Sorry ‘bout it.”

The older Brian groaned. “Fine. But I’m smoking a joint. It’s the only thing that will get me through it.”

“Well in that case, I’m gonna get drunk. Thank god I bought some margarita mix.” Trixie got up from the couch and made his way into the kitchen, and started on his cocktail creation. He hadn’t been drinking whilst they had been there, in solidarity with Katya. He was proud of him for resisting the enticement that often came with their line of work - at least when it came to alcohol anyway. Katya tended to seek out more physical pleasures when coming off stage instead, often taking trade back to the hotel whilst Trixie stayed in the room next door and heard it all. He would hear muffled footsteps at stupid o'clock in the morning and the click of the hotel room door as whoever it was disappeared back into the night, and wonder what Katya was doing once he was alone. And then you spend hours finding whoever he had just fucked on Facebook and plot their bloody downfall. And then you contemplate going into his room once he’s showered and showing him how it should really be done. And then you remind yourself that you turned him down a thousand times before in the name of business because you’re an idiot and just jerk off and go to sleep instead. And then you keep it all to yourself because all of your friends are either Asian virgins or have already fucked him and the thought of it makes you want to tear your own eyeball out with jealousy. Trixie shook his head free of the thought. Suppressed feelings had to remain just that. They had to. For their careers. Fuck your career, you don’t wanna be Trixie forever anyway. You want to write music in a big old house that you never have to leave, and any house is boring without him doing cartwheels around it and painting the walls bright yellow. No. It wouldn’t work. That very small window shut a long time ago. He finished off making his cocktail and took the jug and a glass back into the lounge with him. When he returned, a cloud of smoke was already surrounding Katya and he wore a satisfied smile.

“I know you don’t like me smoking around you but this is the price you must pay, Brenda. You can punish me in return.”

The heavy haze surrounding them must have seeped into Trixie’s lungs too, because he was only two drinks in and he was feeling something different to drunk. He felt just like Karen had said on the screen, like he had a fifth sense or something. His skin was buzzing with electricity, his eyes were seeing the sharpest colours, his ears picking up on the calm breath of his friend. Katya was next to him, one arm around Trixie’s waist and the other resting above his head, legs up on the coffee table. His hearty laugh made Trixie’s head jiggle about on his chest, so he moved his head up to the crook of Katya’s neck. He couldn’t see the film now, but it didn’t matter. He hadn’t been watching it anyway. With every laugh, every crinkle of his nose at a bad joke, every piece of social commentary, Trixie had found himself moving closer to the man. He couldn’t stop it, the blonde had magnets sewn into his bones that drew Trixie in without him even realising. And now he was coiled around him, thinking of nothing but how good he smelled and the warmth of his body. You in danger, girl. Calm yourself.

Katya tightened his grip around Trixie’s waist and pulled him in, so that the younger man was now pressed against his side. Trixie nuzzled his face into Katya’s neck and was greeted with a comforting sigh. As he rested, he felt the older man’s pulse beat underneath his lips. It sent a shiver down his spine. He placed a light kiss onto the other man’s neck and got a tiny moan in reply.

“Don’t try and give me blue balls, mama. That’s torture in its finest form. Either suck my dick or get away from me.”

Game on.

Trixie moved his head so that his mouth was up against Katya’s ear, and spoke in a hushed tone. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it.”

He knew what he was doing. They had teased each other a few times before, but it had only ever been harmless. But seeing the other man close his eyes and exhale deeply with arousal was giving him all the motivation he didn’t know he needed. “I think I feel a little bit buzzed.”

Katya turned his head to look at the brunette. “You do? You okay, feel sick or anything? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have smoked so much around you.” The adoration and care that he had for Trixie was always dripping around every word he said to him. Trixie liked it, it made him feel safe. Katya would never hurt him. Unless I asked him to.

“Actually, I feel good. Like, really good.” Katya cocked an eyebrow to show his surprise at what Trixie was saying. “I mean it, I don’t feel drunk or wasted or out of control, I just feel… really fucking good.”

He looked the older man right in the eye, the corner of his mouth twitching into a slight smirk. “Only you could get me to enjoy something like this.”

“Oh believe me mama, there are plenty of things you would enjoy with me.” Trixie’s stomach flipped at the thought of the things Katya could do to him. He sat up and looked him up and down, taking him all in; his grey sweatpants clinging to all the right places, his hoodie zipped up only halfway so his abs were just peeking out to say hi, his short blonde hair messy and wild. He’s always been hot, but… Come on, tanned bod. Those blue eyes that had always drawn Trixie in were now doing the same to him and inspecting every part of him slowly. He was suddenly very aware of the unflattering t shirt he was wearing and lifted his arms up in a mock yawn to show off his own newly forming muscles. Katya’s eyes followed the hem of his t shirt just as he had hoped and he bit his bottom lip lightly. The silence in the room as the DVD turned itself off was unnoticeable - they were saying enough to each other with a single look. Trixie caught Katya’s gaze and held it. He licked his lips and moved himself just an inch closer.

Katya took a long drag of the joint, and blew the smoke into a stream that reached Trixie’s face instantly. Trixie leaned into it, resting his hand on the other man’s forearm and tracing the skin with his fingertips, feeling goosebumps rise to attention underneath his touch.

Do I want this? He wasn’t the kind of person to hook up with his friends casually. But Katya wasn’t just his friend, and everyone knew. Trixie had just never admitted it to himself. But what was stopping him now? He didn’t have a boyfriend, he wasn’t moping around after an ex. There wasn’t anyone to be loyal to any more except himself, and what he was feeling in that moment.

“Do that again.” The older man stared into his eyes for just a second too long and let out a whisper of a gasp as he realised where Trixie was going. Katya took one last drag and placed the joint back into the ashtray, letting it die out. Trixie leaned in once more, and as the last whiskers of smoke left Katya’s mouth, he took a deep breath to prepare himself and closed the space between their lips.

It was instantaneous - the tension between them was so high that their lips practically buzzed with electricity. They were moving, slowly, deeply into each other as Trixie climbed on top of him and wrapped his thighs around his toned waist. Katya had gotten over the initial shock of their lips finally meeting and was trying to pull Trixie closer even though they were already stuck to each other. Trixie teased open his mouth and flicked his tongue inside, greeted with the taste of virgin margaritas and smoke. He needed to be closer to him, this wasn’t enough. Their teeth clashed and noses crushed together as they battled each other for dominance, both desperately trying to somehow swallow the other whole with their hunger. He grasped at the other man’s hoodie and shoved it off his shoulders, doing the same with his t shirt once he had finished. The feeling of Katya’s skin against his was like velvet and he wanted to be covered in it.

This bitch is ripped, oh my god. I wanna lick his fucking stomach, sweet Jesus…“Fuck, you could have told me you were on your own fitness journey too.”

“God bless yoga! You know me, mama, I’m full of surprises.” Katya shifted himself up on the couch so that he was sat up straighter, and tilted his hips up into Trixie to find the friction they both desperately needed. Trixie’s lips found Katya’s once more as he let out a hushed moan. Trixie could feel the other man in between his legs and the pressure was rising by the second.

“You’re telling me… I thought I was the one with the big dick.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it.”

Trixie laughed into their kiss. He wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck and pushed him deeper into the couch cushions with every kiss, thrusting against him with a hunger he hadn’t felt in a long time. Katya ran his hands down Trixie’s waist and hesitated at the band of his track bottoms.

“Off.” Trixie ordered. Closer. Please.

“Yes ma’am.” Katya took off his pants but kept his underwear on, much to Trixie’s frustration, and then took off his own pants so that they both had on the same number of layers. Not close enough. Trixie used his new strength and threw Katya over to the other side of the corner sofa so that he was laying down and crawled towards him, taking in every last irresistible inch of him. He straddled Katya and brought his bottom lip into his teeth, sucking on it, before biting down hard.

“It’s not fair,” he started to slowly grind against the other man’s groin, “to tease me,” and lightly scratched his chest from the top all the way down to the band of his underwear, “and then not get me naked when I ask.”

The bulge that was threatening to burst out of Katya’s underwear told Trixie that he was very close to getting what he wanted. He was aching for him and he couldn’t take it much longer. He wished he could take a picture of Katya’s face in this moment - his swollen lips whispering “fuck” whilst he ran his hands all over Trixie in disbelief. He never wanted to look away. He leant down and skimmed his lips lightly against the other man’s and spoke in a whisper.

“Now or never. I choose now.”

Trixie licked his thumb and slowly traced his hand down Katya’s chest, finally reaching beneath his underwear. He took Katya’s length in his hand and used his slick thumb to play with the head of Katya’s dick. A guttural groan escaped Katya’s throat as Trixie finally stopped teasing him and started to pump him slowly, and he found Trixie’s ass and grabbed it like he was holding on for his life. Trixie’s veins were filled with fire, his whole body burning at the thought of the things this man was finally going to do to him. Katya’s mouth caressed his neck expertly, and he gently nibbled on his earlobe before he buried himself into one final, longing kiss.

“I don’t think you should choose ‘now’ now.”

Trixie’s eyes shot open as he snapped out of his bliss and sat up. “Wha-what did I do wrong? Do you not want this?”

“Bri, you will never fully understand just how much I want this. I’ve wanted this since, I don’t know, maybe 10 minutes after I first met you. And you have not done a single thing wrong. Believe me, the things you’re doing to me right now, you deserve to be fucked until you can’t remember your own name.” Trixie shivered at the thought. “But I want you to choose ‘now’ in a different circumstance. When I know that you’re definitely, completely sober. When you haven’t spent an entire week with me. When you don’t feel lonely and desperately single. I don’t want just ‘now.’ I want always, and I don’t want you to regret this.”

Trixie crawled forward back towards Katya and kissed him forcefully, desperately trying to make him feel his adoration. I don’t fucking deserve him. He had never had someone care for him like Katya did; knowing him better than he knew himself, knowing that yeah, he was feeling a little bit lonely and may have ended up regretting starting something when he wasn’t totally sober. But the fire still burning in the pit of his stomach from Katya’s touch had already done it - he knew what he wanted. And he was prepared to show him that in any circumstance.

“I get it. You’re right, not now. But soon. And FYI - I’ll do the same things to you in any circumstance.” Trixie climbed off the other man and found his track bottoms to put back on. As he looked back up, Katya was staring at him and biting down on his bottom lip.

“Oh god Brenda, I hope you do. I cannot believe I just controlled myself like that, you are a work of art.”

“Drink it all in bitch.”

“Oh, I plan to.” Katya threw a pillow at him as he found his own shorts and put them back on. They fell back onto the sofa and Katya curled his arm back around Trixie’s waist and pulled him closer. He placed a soft kiss on Trixie’s lips, then his nose, then his forehead. “A work of art.”

Trixie fell asleep in his arms.

The next morning

Katya woke with a familiar dryness lying uncomfortably on his tongue. God damn it, weed really does turn your mouth into the fucking Sahara. Somewhere behind him he could hear running water, and a dulcet tone singing a Dolly Parton song. He leaned back into the sofa with a smile, remembering what had happened last night. He straddled you, Barbra. Practically begged you. And you held your ground? You fool. You could have gotten some grade A dick that you’ve been waiting for since 2014 and you decided you would rather wait until he wasn’t as lonely? You realise that you’re basically telling him he needs to go and fuck someone else first, right?! No way, he wasn’t going to get in his head about this. He had been waiting for so long for Trixie to get rid of his shitty boyfriends that treated him like dirt and admit the way he felt since literally the day he had met him. He wasn’t going to have it all begin with some second hand smoke and a lonely fumble at 2am. He could wait a little while longer. He reached over to the coffee table and picked up his phone.

08/10/2016

11:23am Katya: Happened. Kind of. Not really. But he started it and I said no. Wanna wait.

Alaska: Boots. How is she though?

Katya: You mean the dick? Didn’t get to it. Put the Palm in Palm Springs for me though.

Alaska: Interestiiiiiiiiiing. You owe me 5 bucks.

Alaska: And don’t make him wait too long. He’s hot and a romantic so the first cute guy that comes along with a flower or a burrito or some shit will distract him for another 6 months and then you’ll be back to square one (which reminds me, I’d like to take a minute to talk about Squarespace)

Katya: True. I just knew he would overthink it and then come up with ways to regret it. You got any ugly friends we can set him up with so he realises I’m numero uno?

Alaska: I’ll see if Sharon’s free.

Katya yelled at the text with glee. Alaska had been right, Trixie really did feel something for him. He could still feel his kiss lingering on his mouth. That had to mean something, right?

As he placed his phone back down on the coffee table, he saw Trixie’s light up next to it. He glanced over and saw a text flash up on the screen.

08/10/2016

Dan Bar: Hey Brian, it’s Dan from Essence on Friday. I hadn’t heard from you since we switched numbers and I just thought I would make a last ditch attempt at asking you out. I know you’re going home today but I’m gonna be in WeHo a week from Thursday, so hit me up if you’re free and willing to waste some time on me. x

And just who the fuck is this? I don’t know a Dan. Does he know a Dan? From Friday? And then suddenly he remembered - they had gone out to a bar on Friday, and this short Jewish guy had been eyeing up Trixie all night. He was cute, sure, but he hadn’t been Trixie’s type at all. He didn’t have a chance with him, right? Well, I’m not Trixie’s type either… What was he gonna do if Trixie actually went on a date with this guy? He had basically told him that he wanted Trixie to not be starting something with him just because he was lonely. So maybe this would be perfect - he could go out with this guy on a couple of dates and boost his confidence up, and then come straight back to Katya’s apartment after date number three and finally fuck his brains out. That could work. Man, I should have fucked him last night so that he knew just how great it would be with me before I basically send him on a date with someone else. Didn’t think that one through, did you Barbra?

“I swear to god, that water pressure is so powerful that if you could move that shower head around I would use it for sexual pleasure.” Trixie came out of the bathroom wearing just a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Oh god. Oh my fucking god. If you stand in front of me like that for one more fucking second I am going to go back on my self-control and test out that shower head theory with you right now. God damn it you bitch, trying to give me a boner at this time in the morning.”

Trixie shot Katya a lopsided smirk. “My plan is working, I see.”

Oh god, now he’s teasing you on purpose. You sure you wanna be the bigger person? Because I’m pretty sure you could just bend him over that breakfast bar right now and– 

“You bet your ass it’s working. You cunt. Now go and pack my bag, we need to be out of here by 2.”

“Nice try. Do it yourself, whore.”

“I’ve already done myself this morning after the blue balls you gave me last night, mama.”

“Excuse me, if I had got my way you would be feeling very satisfied and have balls lighter than a feather this morning. So go pack.”

The pair erupted into laughter from across the room, and shared a complacent smile. Katya was relieved that nothing had changed between them. Trixie walked towards him and picked up his phone from the coffee table. Here we go. He watched as Trixie picked up his phone and read the text, face giving nothing away. He peeked in the direction of Katya for half a second and then locked the screen, seemingly without replying. Katya couldn’t help himself.

“Anyone interesting texted you?” Clever. Now you’ve made it obvious you looked at his phone. He looked over at Trixie with a smile he knew was nowhere near as casual as he was trying to make it.

Trixie smiled back knowingly. “Mmhm. The guy that came on to me on Friday, remember I gave him my number? He’s asked to take me out next week, he’s gonna be in WeHo.”

“Ah, cool. Yeah, that’s cool. Coolcoolcool.” Katya opened his can of Red Bull and drank the whole thing in one go, as slowly as he could. Great delay tactics there, Brenda. Really looking like you’re not jealous at all. “So you’re gonna go then, huh?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“On you.”

Katya finally allowed himself to look up from his can and at Trixie’s face. He had just a hint of a smile resting on his face, but the sincerity of what he was saying shone through. This wasn’t the time for joking.

“On me?”

“Yeah, girl, you. Are we gonna… watch Mean Girls again or will you have a new favourite movie by next week?”

And there it was. Trixie was never going to really put his all into whatever could be here because of Katya’s past. He didn’t think he would be capable of anything more than being the “sexually fluid and committedly promiscuous trade Slut” he had been for the past few years. What the fuck was I meant to do while you were going through a parade of cunty guys who treated you like shit? Sit there and wait until my dick fell off for you to realise that you may possibly have a great catch over here? Not my gay ass, mama. And if I’m so unreliable, why did YOU start things last night? And why was I the one to be sensible? And why can I still only think of your fucking fingertips tracing my skin and making me feel like I was on the biggest trip of my life? How is that healthy for either of us? He noticed Trixie shifting uncomfortably on his feet and realised his internal monologue of all the things he wished he could say had probably gone on for too long and that the frustration on his face was becoming clear. He couldn’t think straight. He had to end this conversation now before it became an external monologue and he said something to hurt his favourite person in the world.

“Well you know, I’ve never really had a favourite movie… just a top 10 that I watch in rotation.” Katya could feel himself distancing as he always did. Don’t do it. Show him that he’s all you want. “I don’t really believe that anyone ever has just one perfect… movie… for them.” Yes you do. “I think that there are lots of movies that can make you feel the same way that your favourite movie makes you feel.” You can still feel him touching you, you liar. “I don’t think you should get too attached to a film, to be honest.” Now or never, Barbra. Looks like you’ve chosen never.