#I think there is a difference between being an atheist

[randomnameless]

and of course the worse bit is that the leader of the religion is actually an Atheist cause God never answered his prayers.

If you played the game, that's not the worst Idore did lol

But bar the general implication that someone is using faith to push his own agenda that has totes none irl comparisons, there's the fact that Idore, in a way, manipulates his people and uses their trust to further his plans, getting rid of every Rozellian and ultimately seize control of Norzelia.

Then comes the game's "your religion is based on nothing!" very terrible take, and while the game doesn't spend a more seconds than necessary talking about post war Hyzante in the non Roland endings, how the fuck are we supposed to buy the "uh akshually they will be alright because Layla will develop medicine and they will continue on living!" nonsense?

To avoid dragging further irl events, I'd say this reminds me of the very emotional moment in FMA, when Bradley shits on Ishval's culture and beliefs, saying their God doesn't exist, since said God isn't striking him on the spot for leading an operation that basically consists or eradicating Ishvalians in Ishval.

Guess what happened after Bradley made Ishvalians realise their God "wasn't real" with the few survivors of this "war"?

That's why I love to think of future AUs in the Benedict ending, because it has all ingredients for darker gens - Gustadolf'n'Cornelia's kid notwithstanding, now you have Hyzantese who live in slums and are lower than trash being riled up by Idore out of all people, who also preaches to everyone left behind by Serenor/Benedict's joint rule, Roland is so going to be used as a rallying figure to gather all disatisfaction in the land by, maybe, Idore himself and give or less 15 years, the continent will be plunged in chaos, again.

a bit like eventual Jugdral 3rd gens AU

[stickandthorn]

I was thinking about that post about redemption I just reblogged, and I think it’s worth pointing out just how difficult and time consuming it would to de-radicalize or “redeem” Lilliana. And I think Essek’s redemption in campaign 2 is actually a really good example of what I’m talking about.

First of all, what the Nein did to redeem Essek was not slowly and politely talk him through why what he did was wrong. They didn’t even know he did anything wrong. What they did was continually reach out to him and give him a support system of friends he did not have before. Notably, friends who he could be comfortable sharing his worldview around: he was an atheist* in a theocratic society who had to hide his worldview in order to have any social, academic, or governmental standing. The mighty nein were probably the first people he could be himself around, and creating a change in his personal life is what led to a change in his ideology. Notably, he did most of the actual deconstructing of his ideology on his own, some before the big betrayal reveal and a lot after. The Nein helped with that directly a little, but the main thing they did was offer him a personal connection he had stakes in, and a people in his life with different world views he hadn’t seen up close before.

This is pretty true to life, in the real world, most people who leave radical or bigoted groups leave at least partially because of a change in their personal life. Even if they do leave because of someone directly challenging their worldview, it’s usually someone they care about who challenges them in a non-aggressive way. It’s still personal.

Secondly, this took a lot of time. I can’t remember exactly how long they spent in the Dynasty, but they befriended Essek over a really long period of in game and out of game time. The cast spent actual real world hours talking pretty much one on one with Essek, and the party spent weeks, maybe even months slowly getting to know him and bringing this support structure into his life. Essek spent even longer actually thinking through and deconstructing on his own. The change in his worldview between the ship and the outpost really shows this, he did a lot of the thinking that led him to change by himself over a lot of time we weren’t there for. They could not have gotten him to actually change his mindset, fully realize what he did was wrong of his own free will, in anything approaching a short amount of time. This was a time consuming process.

All this to say: this is the kind of effort it would take to legitimately de-radicalize Lilliana. She has been in the Vanguard for ~25 years, she most likely joined when she was in her early to mid 20s, and she gave up all personal connections, even her daughter and her husband to join. Not only has her entire ideology been built around this being the right thing to do, her entire personal life is contained within the Vanguard. It’s most likely where she gets any housing or money or really anything from. It is her whole life, and she believes wholeheartedly in it. The level of time and effort it took to get Essek to organically change his mind is most likely the level it would take to get Lilliana to change hers, if not more.

And they don’t have that time. Lilliana is actively doing harm now, she is helping the Vanguard release Predathos right now, they simply do not have the time to redeem her. It sucks, but pragmatically speaking, it is simply not worth the time and effort. Essek gave away the beacons in the past, but also, the Nein did not know he did that for their early friendship. If the Nein had known, they probably would not have put in all the work it took to get him to change. They probably couldn’t have. Lilliana might be able to be redeemed in theory, but so can a lot of people who do very bad things. Focusing on that redemption process is prioritizing Imogen’s complicated feelings over the harsh reality that this is a war, and Lilliana is a key figure in that war doing a great deal of harm. It sucks, but I do think it’s time to move on, and I think Imogen is now leaning that way.

*atheist is a loose term here, it’s hard to be an atheist in a world where gods are proven to exist, but it gets the point across

[nullusreimorio]

Degrees of Lewdity AU: Actor AU

Yes, you heard that right, folks! DoL:ActAU will now be a thing in my blog.

Re-reading this made my brain go BRRRR, because in my head a random person getting their costume's head off is that funny, and from there it all spiraled down.

The Whitney breaks Syd's glasses scene in particular is stuck in my head, because I imagine that at some point, right before Whit can grab the glasses, Syd would scream to wait, making Whit shit himself cuz dude what is happening. The director screams cut, of course. "I'm so sorry, these are my real glasses-" while laughing, and taking them off to give into custody before putting on the props, with Whitney just wheezing in the background.

The genderbent version of LIs would mostly be people that really resemble each other, except for the Kylar duo. They are twins who love to scare other people by just staring at them (it is a running inside joke on set).

Bailey is actually a sweet parental figure off-character, always making sure he didn't actually hurt the other actors (think Jason Isaac in Harry Potter as he switches between the cruel Lucius Malfoy and actually caring for Tom Felton, asking him if he's ok and apologizing when he did in fact hurt him by accident)

Another running gag on set is Harper just.. being there. Smiling at everyone with cold eyes, bombing pictures and selfies. Sometimes they stay in the background of the scene, looking directly at the camera. They say it's funnier to stay in character. Off-character they are very fun to be around, but they enjoy unsettling people. Them and the Kylars are sometimes banned from being in the studio if the scene doesn't need them.

GH got tangled up in the fly system. Everyone laughed and took pictures and videos, but promptly eliminated them at GH's request. They are shy.

The Averys enjoy their role very much. What they don't enjoy is having to drink grape juice or scented water instead of actual alcohol. They do get a nice glass of wine once off-set are over.

Whenever the Wrens are in the studio, F!Whit, M!Robin, the Wrens, F!BW, the Edens, F!Avery and the Baileys get a bit too much into playing cards. Blackjack, Durak, Scopa, Rummy, Machiavelli... the list could go on. They always manage to rope technicians to play with them as well.

Everyone hates the Kylars because their makeup doesn't need much time, while everyone else (ESPECIALLY GH, BW and IW) need enough time to always look polished/roughed up, depending on the situation.

M!Jordan is actually atheist, and whenever he has to talk like a true Christian guy, once his line is over he mocks himself. He enjoys wearing his costume off-set just for shits and giggles, and other actors often visit him in the confessional just to say "I'm sorry daddy, I've been naughty~" "Jail for a hundred years. NEXT"

F!Jordan and Ivory Wraith are actually cousins, and sometimes M!Jordan and Ivory Wraith swap costumes to see if there is any difference other than Jordan's massive tits.

Aaaand that's it, for now! As of now this is how far my brain thought while in the middle of exams, I will slowly add more into it. I don't know if it was already done, but thinking about these jackasses actually play-pretending makes me feel better ^^

[servantofthefates]

If life is an experiment, your Uranus is your laboratory.

Uranus in the First House: Your Body

You will likely go through various rebrandings in your life. From nerd to glam. From emo to CEO. It will take you a while to discover what you want your physical vessel to look like.

Uranus in the Second House: Your Wallet

You will likely go back and forth between having an excess of money and having none at all. It will take you a while to figure out the right ingredients for financial stability.

Uranus in the Third House: Your Words

You will likely go through various makeovers in how you speak. From punk to poet. From high street to high-end. It will take you a while to discover how to communicate your true self.

Uranus in the Fourth House: Your Home

You will likely experience an unstable home life. That could mean moving around a lot, or your family changing frequently (e.g., through marriage). It will take you a while to find home as it should be.

Uranus in the Fifth House: Your Joy

You will likely have changing hobbies and interests as you grow. Even to the point of being ashamed of what you previously liked (e.g., a band, a celebrity). It will take you a while to discover what your soul enjoys.

Uranus in the Sixth House: Your Lifestyle

You will likely have drastic changes in routines that relate to your identity. From vegan to carnivore. From fitness buff to couch potato. It will take you a while to realize how you want to experience life.

Uranus in the Seventh House: Your Relationships

Your taste in connections (romantic and more) will likely keep evolving. From light to burdened. From friendly to brooding. It will take you a while to realize what you want and need your people to be like.

Uranus in the Eighth House: Your Morals

You will likely have changing definitions of what is wrong. From seeing things like Satanism and death penalty as evil, to thinking they are good, for example. It will take you a while to define your principles.

Uranus in the Ninth House: Your Faith

You will likely have different beliefs throughout your life. You might keep switching from one religion to another and to none at all. It will take you a while to form a true connection with a higher power.

Uranus in the Tenth House: Your Reputation

You will likely have different ranks in society throughout your life. From pleb to socialite. From royalty to nobody. It will take you a while to decide how you want the world to see you in this lifetime.

Uranus in the Eleventh House: Your Community

You will likely be a part of vastly different groups throughout your life. From religious fanatics to agnostic intellectuals. From celebrities to nuns. It will take you a while to discover where you belong in life.

Uranus in the Twelfth House: Your Pain

You will likely have different ideas of what hurts. You could go from crying at the sight of war-torn countries to shrugging about their plight. It will take you a while to decide on what is fair and unfair in this life.

In Whole Sign Houses, my Uranus is in the Ninth. I was raised Catholic. But in truth, I was mostly agnostic. At a fairly young age, I discovered Greco-Roman paganism from my elders who practice it in semi-combination with Christianity. Then in college, I had to pretend to be an atheist around judgmental religious fanatics who hated witchcraft. Now I am a practicing pagan who follows my ancestors' writings over my living elders' teachings. Can you also feel your Uranus manifesting?

Related: If life is a battlefield, your Mars is your weapon.

[ponkydraws]

BBC Johnlock rant;

What? A rant on a show that was popular in 2014 tumblr in the year of 2025? Yes, I’m an autistic queer 16 year old with a passion for literature and art, what else would I get up to?

Here’s a couple things that have been itching at me and I feel like I need to scream into the void seeing if anyone will listen. Yes, this is Johnlock.

Spoilers ahead, obviously.

1. Sherlock’s attraction to Molly and Irene. Now, I see a lot of fans of the show under the impression that Sherlock is attracted to either Molly or Irene, and personally I think the show made it very clear that’s not what’s going on.

Molly - Sherlock possesses the ability to mimic romantic attraction at need (see Janine), although even in those cases he won’t go any further than kissing, i.e “waiting until marriage” despite being an atheist. Molly’s attraction to Sherlock is evident from their first encounter, Sherlock seems to be aware of said feelings but actively and purposefully refuses to acknowledge them. When Molly asks if he’d like coffee he simply takes advantage of the wording of the question to reject her proposal without directly addressing the actual question - “black, two sugars please”.

He tries to use Molly as a John substitute but finds that he cannot stop thinking about John anyway, and even in that situation he makes Molly appear more like John rather than keeping her acting like herself. In The Final Problem Sherlock is forced to make Molly say the words “I love you” or she (allegedly) blows up. This is a manipulation tactic of Eurus’, where she exploits her brother’s emotional attachments. But the challenge is meant to upset Molly - not Sherlock. Sherlock is distraught because despite having a different set of emotionality he doesn’t want to hurt his friend. He breaks her casket because he is upset he has hurt his friend. And despite having only 3 minutes to make her say “I love you”, he buffers for an unnecessary long time to actually say it himself. This is because he DOESN’T mean it.

He feels bad for having to reopen a wound of Molly’s because he is not telling her the truth, he is being forced to taunt her with a flicker of hope that’s not there.

Irene - this is just my own personal interpretation of their relationship so you don’t have to agree with me but I found it quite clear that Sherlock is not attracted to her romantically. He strives to impress her. He feels intimidated and fascinated, he’s so keen on their conversations because he has found an equal and he’s testing her intellect (and she’s doing the same to him). Irene uses seductive techniques to try to throw Sherlock off his rhythm, and successfully so. Except it appears that she’s using them for shock factor, not to actually seduce Sherlock. Again; throwing him off his rhythm. He is still objectively trying to deduce her and even says “if I wanted to look at naked women, I would borrow John’s laptop” implying that he doesn’t want to see her naked, but the situation is what it is.

There’s a clear difference between Sherlock’s reaction and John’s reaction to Irene being naked. John feels exposed and uncomfortable because he recognizes the situation as sexual. He immediately looks down, either out of embarrassment, shock or because he doesn’t want to be caught staring down a naked woman. Even when she directly addresses John, he seems to make a point to look her in the eyes. Sherlock, despite understanding the motive of her method, is still viewing her from an objective perspective. He is looking everywhere, not because of attraction, but because he is trying to understand what she’s doing. When trying to deduce her, he finds that he can’t find anything out - so he switches back to John and has no trouble deducing him at all.

Sherlock is not comfortable around Irene, but he is drawn to her intelligence. He feels a need to prove himself to a fellow genius, and to detect what she’s got in return. Even Irene points out how John and Sherlock supposedly are a couple, insisting she’s right even when John denies. Later in the show, John brings up Irene a couple of times in an attempt to peak Sherlock’s interest but it still seems like John is more interested in the relationship between Sherlock and Irene than Sherlock actually is.

All of these women acknowledge either Sherlock and John’s relationship or Sherlock’s lack thereof with them

“You look sad. You look sad when you think he can’t see you.” - Molly

“Somebody loves you” - Irene to Sherlock, and looks at John, “we’re not a couple” “yes you are” & “I’m not actually gay” “well I am. Look at us both.”

“I wish you weren’t…whatever it is you are.” - Janine to Sherlock

Even John’s girlfriends acknowledge how John prioritizes Sherlock over them, i.e “you’re a great boyfriend. Sherlock Holmes is a very lucky man. No, it’s heartwarming. You’ll do anything for him.”, “don’t make me compete with Sherlock Holmes” and even Mary taunts both John and Sherlock for their clear affection towards each other - “I don’t shave for Sherlock Holmes” & “see, neither of us were the first”

In conclusion, Sherlock can be manipulative when it favors him and he can mimic attraction if needed, but it is not genuine. In all of these cases, the care displayed for them was directly tied to a case, as to where the affection he displays towards John is unwavering and unaffected by whether or not there is a case. Why? Because he doesn’t view John as a tool, nor does John view him as one.

John makes a difference in Sherlock’s life because he is not getting anything out of him other than genuine human connection. He praises Sherlock when he’s impressed and scolds him when he does something wrong. Sherlock, who is clearly not used to being addressed as a regular person, is obviously surprised by this behavior as displayed in the first episode, i.e “fantastic..” “are you aware you’re doing that out loud?” “Sorry” “no it’s…fine..” & “that was…amazing” “really?” “Of course it was” “..that’s not what people usually say”

John treats him like a person, he doesn’t tiptoe around his intellect worried he’ll do something wrong, no, he grabs him by the collar and redirects him when he’s not acting properly. And John is the one to uncover his flaws. Sherlock prides himself on being this genius detective whose intelligence cannot be penetrated by the weak forces of emotions - but that’s not right. He’s very emotional. Both John and Mrs Hudson are aware of the fact that Sherlock is emotional, and acts emotionally. “Not Sherlock, no, he’s more…emotional, isn’t he?” - Mrs Hudson

What emotion does Sherlock display when John gets married to Mary or talks to his commander? Jealousy. He’s obviously distraught about the whole marriage thing, so much so that both John AND Mary are aware of it. When John meets his old commander, Sherlock seems skeptical of him and doesn’t like how John is acting around him. Mary says how “he’s the most unsociable man he’s ever met” to which Sherlock replies “HE’S the most unsociable man he’s ever met? Well that explains why he’s prancing around him like a puppy” which kind of implies that John finds himself drawn to unsociable people - and that Sherlock has actively noted that trait because he does it around him, too. He also leaves the wedding early, and like Molly says, he looks sad once John is not looking at him.

Another case of emotional behavior is when Moriarty tells Sherlock “I’ll burn the heart out of you” to which Sherlock replies “I’ve been reliably informed that I don’t have one”. Moriarty counters with this with “oh, we both know that’s not quite true.”

And what happens a few episodes later? John ends up in a bonfire. “I will burn the heart out of you” and then the show tries to burn John. Hm. This can also be tied to Sherlock’s previous statement of “funny how fire exposes our priorities”.

Moriarty is aware of how much John means to Sherlock and actively uses him as a tool to manipulate Sherlock. He tries to make Sherlock feel bad by telling him how many people will be upset by his death, but Sherlock does not react until John is mentioned. He tells Sherlock how his friends are in danger and Sherlock immediately goes “John!”.

In the final problem, Mycroft tries to manipulate Sherlock into making shooting him a lot easier, so he starts berating John. Not Sherlock. John. He tries to rile up Sherlock enough to get him to pull the trigger so he insults John in front of Sherlock. Sherlock recognizes the technique which means that he’s well aware that Mycroft is using his relationship with John in an attempt to manipulate him.

Romantic or not, Sherlock clearly loves and values John more than anything or anyone, even more than his own life. He would die if it meant John could live. I can easily write like 15 of these but I’ll start with this bite sized analysis. Thank you.

[moonchild033]

Hiii sis how are u i was reading post 5th house the jupiter in 5th house tend to be relegious are there placments to show non relegious person

Hii my lil sis, I'm fine, how u doing?! 💖

Oh yes I know a few but the expression of the non- belief and it's extent can be different, I can explain some placements a little but it goes beyond that, based on other aspects too.🫡

Placements that can indicate a non-religious personality:

Rahu in 9H- They can question religious practices or develop a liking towards other religious philosophies than the one they were born into. 🧡🧡

Debilitated 9H lord or 9H lord in conjunction with a debilitated planet - 9H shows our belief systems and how deep we are into it, this placement can cause an aversion or at least a blunt boredom towards religious practices, they simply may not be interested. 💚💚

9H lord in Rahu's nakshatra - They might be inquisitive but they are mostly not atheists, they just want to know the stories and think for themselves whether they could relate to it or not.🩷🩷

Saturn aspecting 9H or in conjunction with 9H lord- They believe in God and might pray but rarely do they exhibit themselves as highly religious. They could think of God as a power in this universe, they trust in God in a different philosophical way which is a deeper connection that others might not understand but they're not conventionally religious as in following the practices. This is somewhat hard for me to explain, they focus on the spiritual and philosophical part of it but not the religious part.♥️♥️

9H lord in Saturn's nakshatra - They are either too religious or a straight out atheist, there's nothing in between, it might be that they got very much hurt in life that they chose to believe in themselves but they could become religious later in life.🧡🧡

Rahu in 5H- This is not a most common placement in this topic but some ppl having this might not be as religious as their surroundings, they could be less focusing or disinterested in religious matters while their surroundings can be more into it.

Debilitated jupiter- They might not like the teachings of their religion, since they couldn't relate to it, they could've just avoided that aspect altogether.🩷🩷

Jupiter Rahu conjunction - This is Guru Chandal Yoga. Even though this placement can give spiritual understanding and good exploring tendency, they usually oppose and argue the traditional religious practices, they wouldn't like some of the conventional sayings and they would try to prove their point why they think it's wrong or pointless, and can be rebellious in talking against religious practices.♥️♥️

9H lord in 6/8/12H- They can be more about the spiritual part or won't believe much in anything religious depending on the strength of 6/8/12H lords, if they're strong, then they might be good and interested in the spiritual areas rather than common practices but if those lords are weak along with 9H lord in these houses, they probably might be atheist.🧡🧡

Debilitated Sun or Atmkaraka- As sun is the natural significator of the soul and AK being your own soul significator, weakness of these can lead to not trusting in anything that is not solid, like they find it hard to link an unseen concept with themselves.These can apply to 8/12H suns to an extent.🩷🩷

If someone has many of these placements, they might be non-religious but keep in mind that other aspects play a role in deciding it too ✨

These are the placements I could think of as of now, tqsm for asking this Q's lil sis, I loved answering it.🤗🫶🩵

Guys, pls send thought provoking 'asks' lyk this, I understand the curiosity and the need for feeling clarity by asking personal placement Q's but sometimes I'm overwhelmed by it, I want to post answered asks that can benefit everyone, lyk everyone has something to learn from it.🥺🥺♥️

Let's Learn and Grow Together! 🫂💋

With Love-Yashi ❤️‍🔥

Masterlist 💖

[ultimate-marysue]

I love the idea of Batfam members being religious but in a very private way. Most of them know Bruce is Jewish, they grew up in the manor so they have celebrated Hanukkah together plenty of times. He also celebrated Christian holidays for some reason, although Dick only remembers Christmas and Easter Egg hunts when he was a kid. Tim realizes why when Damian joins them and now they're also celebrating Islamic holidays.

When Dick joined, Bruce decided to celebrate the holidays the kid was used to celebrating for his sake. When Jason joined, all catholic holidays were added because he didn't want to offend his cultural practices. The set a Nacimiento together and Jason adored the little Niño Jesús figurine (he stole it when he came back from the dead). They also celebrated Día de Muertos and other Mexican holidays, and each year Bruce would make an ofrenda for Jason and his parents after the boy died.

Cass wasn't religious when she first joined, but I could see her taking interest in some Buddhist practices and philosophies. Bruce would encourage her exploration of different beliefs but wouldn't push her to choose anything.

Tim is a hard cold atheist. Which is funnier the more gods he meets. Bruce respects this and he -like every other child- is exempt from participating in religious celebrations. He avoids the actual religious part, but a party is a party so he's usually up for it.

Duke is agnostic but he likes to join his siblings in their prayers and celebrations. It doesn't hurt and he has a particularly great time praying with Damian and going to church with Jason.

Damian is Muslim and he has a little prayer mat for Alfred the cat because he insists on joining him. Everyone thinks it's adorable. At first he was a bit uncomfortable in the manor, not knowing if his cultural practices would be accepted or if he was expected to assimilate. Thankfully everyone is very supportive and he's particularly thrilled to explain his religion to Duke and a very curious Cass. He's also surprised by how much Jason knows of his religion and they often talk about the differences and commonalities between Abraham I religions.

Dick and Steph don't give much thought to it, but I can see them trying out other less known religions and coming to the same conclusion of: meh. Babs is also an Atheist capital A, but she loves pretending to be a Satanist or Wiccan to spook Bruce and Alfred.

[charlesoberonn]

just saw your cult post and i wanna add something a bit controversial? (probably not for this website tho but yk)

im from a religious country in the middle east, and until i was like 16 i hadnt heard the word "cult" and i had no idea what it was.

when i looked into it and read about it tho, i realized that islam (the religion of my country) IS a cult. and then i went around online asking my other ex-religious friends about what they think and some also told me that they think their religion was a cult too. and no im not talking about like obviously culty religions (mormons, evangelists, etc), im talking about whats considered the norm for a religion to be practiced. whether it be islam, christianity, or any other one.

i started wondering why not ALL religions count as cults when they literally fit the bill to a tea, and tbh the best explanation i found was that, they ARE cults but they are so old, have so many members, and are so entangled with our cultures that people just accept them.

i told this to someone who was an atheist herself and even she got defensive and said that its not okay to call peoples religions cults "if its not hurting anyone" so i dont say it to anyone because i dont want to be an asshole and i accept everyone no matter what religion yk?

but that all being said, i still wholeheartedly believe that ALL religions are cults (im talking about organized religions tho btw. like native people having their religions is a completely different thing that i cant comment on because i dont have enough information about those)

i think that if you are in any religion then you are in a cult and you should leave, i know its controversial, but it is what i think yk?

I see where you're coming from but I think this is dangerously reductive.

The problem is that you're thinking in terms of a 'cult-not cult' binary that doesn't work to describe the nuance of real life groups.

What makes a cult are the methods of control they use on their members. A cult, or high-control group, will use extreme and predatory methods to try to control their members as much as possible.

The difference between a religious cult (for there are non-religious cults) and religion is the level of control and the harmfulness of the methods the group utilizes.

I don't know about what religion is like in your country, but not all religious groups are high-control groups. Many of them don't try to control or exploit their members.

By equating all religions to cults you're not only making accusations of harm against groups that don't deserve it, you're also muddying the distinctions for people, allowing actually harmful groups to pass themselves off as harmless.

[dshksh]

Teen or adult christinaa..

Oh boy, anon, you asked for it.

Alright, so after Christina had her own "hunting trip" (I still haven't come up with an idea of what that event might have been for her. Would've been interesting if that happened between her and her mother instead of her father. Still have no idea, but she definitely had a major traumatic thing happen to her.) she, just like Orel, saw that her parents are (shocker), not decent people.

To cope with that, she becomes a bookworm and distances herself from everything happening around her, especially involving her parents. Her parents wouldn't notice that, since they were so caught up in their unpleasant marriage. She gets into psychology, reading a lot of books dedicated to it.

As for her and Orel, she would try to isolate herself emotionally and ignore her feelings for him. She knew that they wouldn't meet in years (due to living in different towns), so she tries to suppress her love and focuses on studying. College was an escape from her feelings and parents. Also, I think Christina's dad was really overprotective of her, which caused her to experiment a LOT in college. College was a big opportunity for her to not be as influenced and controlled by her parents as she was at home. She does end up having a few love affairs, but they don't last that long due to her being emotionally distant and still in love with Orel.

She finally meets Orel while she's still in college, almost accidentally. Orel is studying to become a teacher, and his college is doing a practice exchange of some sort with Christina's college (like sharing extra psychological knowledge with future teachers, so they would understand kids more). She doesn't recognize him at first, but when she does, they exchange numbers and talk a lot (mostly Orel, lol). At first, Christina is really cold towards him, but when she sees that he is still a good old-fashioned Christian and a nice guy in general, she grows fond of him.

As for her faith, when she first met Orel after so many years, she would be an atheist. But once she starts spending more and more time with Orel, she regains her faith.

Christina and Orel end up in a relationship with a lot of issues. They have unrealistic expectations of each other due to barely knowing one another and not having experience with emotional intimacy. Christina ends the relationship and focuses on graduating. Both are heartbroken.

She does graduate and ends up having a decent job as a psychologist. Her interest in psychology came from her wanting to understand her parents and the reason behind their actions.

They make up after a few years again, when Orel decides to go to therapy. Christina is there. She is the shrink that Orel visits. He bails and decides to cancel all the appointments.

Christina realizes that she is ready to confront her feelings and initiates the meeting with Orel. Orel gets extremely anxious and doesn't answer her message for weeks. When he has the courage, they meet and dot the i's. Finally have a meaningful conversation about their feelings and problems.

Orel was the one who insisted on her going to therapy. She ignored most of her feelings towards her own parents and childhood (towards Orel as well). Therapy helped her become more aware of her own emotions, yet she still remained her emotionally distant and cold appearance.

Orel gets a job in the town Christina lives and works in. They eventually make up and go to couple therapy. They still have a bunch of problems, but they cherish one another, and this love helps them to be better people.

[talon-dragonbeast]

hi! can you talk more about the significance of the biological concept of species? I'm a nonhuman who currently believes that species can't exactly be interpreted the way gender is, but I lack the vocabulary and knowledge in ecology to properly communicate that lol, so I thought I would ask you as an alterhuman in science! no worries if you don't feel like answering this ask :3

ooh i can definitely talk about that, yeah!! i was meaning to make a post like this since forever, so thanks for giving me the excuse!

so, i want to begin by emphasizing that species identity is a very real concept that should be always respected. of course, im an otherkin myself, so i dont think anyone ever doubted it in the first place, but i wanted to make myself clear anyways. species-diverse folks are the species they say they are, regardless of ones own beliefs. if a dog therian says theyre a dog physically, i believe them. if someone who looks like a human to me insists theyre not human at all, i believe them. if someone tells me, an atheist, that theyre a god or an angel, i believe them. and if someone says they can transform into a unicorn-dragon-zombie with robot wings through fucking magic, i believe them. so, now that that is clear, lets begin.

traditionally, species were classified based on their morphological characteristics, that is, their physical appearance. while this method was effective at first, it quickly became too unreliable (as evidenced by the many bird species that look almost the same, and dog breeds that, despite their physical differences, belong to the same species), so scientists began categorizing species based on their reproductive compatibility, specifically whether they could interbreed and whether their offspring were fertile. so, for example, iguanas and monitor lizards are incapable of interbreeding (different species), whereas donkeys and horses can produce mules, which are sterile (different species, same genus). finally, dogs and wolves can interbreed and they produce fertile offspring (same species, Canis lupus). nowadays, we classify species via phylogenetic analysis, which looks for similarities in DNA chains, though this method also presents its own problems as described by @nisaetus-nerd in this post.

now, why is species identity different from gender identity? well, for starters, species is more akin to biological sex than to gender. aside from the fact that the majority of the population takes species identity to be some kind of hilarious joke, species, just like sex, has some physical characteristics that (for now at least) cannot be changed. the category that we know as sex is actually a combination of chromosomes, reproductive organs (internal and external), external characteristics, hormones, (not relevant to humans but) pheromones, and reproductive cycles; similarily, species is a combination of many things, including DNA, physiology, morphology, diet, ecology, and behavior, among others.

its also important to point out that within the different sexes that exist in the human species there arent that many variations from one another; humans dont actually have a ton of sexual dimorphism (at least compared to freaks of nature (affectionate) like birds of paradise) and many of the differences between sexes that society highlights don't actually exist (think "female brain vs. male brain"). sex, at least in my opinion, isnt that important outside of reproductive health, so not many problems arise from simply throwing it out the window.

meanwhile, we do use species for a lot of things! as a vet in training, this is especially important when treating different animals; you wouldnt use the same drugs for a dog as you would for a horse, nor would you give the same food to a cow as you would to a pig. species are too different from each other, especially the further down the phylogenetic tree you go. you can actually use similar drugs for a dog and a human being, because we evolved together and have a similar physiology, but the same cant be said about chickens. most mammals heal their bones in a similar way (only difference i can think of, aside from the drugs, is the fact that you have to protect the bandages so they dont rip them off), but when it comes to, say, a bird of prey, thats an entirely different story. not to mention bees! they dont even have bones!!

(species have other uses outside of health of course, thats only what i specialize in. someone who studies ecology, or zoology, or genetic engineering, or any other field of biology would give you a different answer than mine. this is only my point of view, which i admit is kind of limited)

so! to wrap up this extremely long post, i want to stress once more that we need a term to express the experience of species identity, similar to how gender is discussed in transgender communities. species identity is not the same as biological species, and its crucial to be able to freely describe this experience with our own vocabulary. the way things are, biological species is too important of a concept to dismiss its meaning entirely, which is why we often face ridicule and skepticism when discussing it outside of alterhuman circles. the way we define "species" in our community (in which species = identity) is quite different from how most people usually understand the term (in which species = biology), and i think this misunderstanding is in part what leads to doubt when we talk about our experiences with others. so by changing the way we talk about species identity, we could get more people to understand what we really mean, instead on assuming based on the words we use.

[writingwithcolor]

Would it be problematic for me to have a black girl convert to sikhi over the course of the story with the assistance of her Sikh friend & the friend’s family and then get married to said friend in the future? I don’t want it to seem like she did it simply to be with her friend so I thought that maybe if I showed how she enjoys hearing things about the religion (for example how sikhi emphasizes treating everyone equally and also the protection of those facing injustice) from her friend that it could seem more natural but could that be seen as fetishizing? The black girl has been friends with the family for 10+ years (aka since she was 8) and also wasn’t raised following any religion (but not as an atheist either) so I feel the conversion would be somewhat easy for her but if any of what I’ve wrote is problematic I’ll change it! I’m still doing research so if I messed anything up I’m extremely sorry. Thank you in advance!

Black woman converts to become Sikh - Is this problematic?

If SK thinks these circumstances are okay from the Sikhism standpoint, then absolutely it is fine. Black people are all individual and different people throughout the diaspora. We are not some collective monolith with a build-in set of interests, beliefs and rules on what we can and cannot do! The real question to me is if someone can convert to Sikhism and if so, how being Black factors into the lifestyle.

On that note, I will hand the mic to SK and also welcome Black Sikh followers to chime in.

-Colette

Sikhi accept converts

Short answer: No, it is not problematic. Sikhi accepts converts. There’s nothing wrong with being drawn to a faith because of certain aspects and then looking deeper and choosing to convert.

Longer answer: Conversion into a completely new faith is rarely easy. I would say Sikhi is a harder faith to convert to because there are few resources in other languages and many Sikhs are unaccustomed to converts. As in most, if not all, religions, there is a gap between what is said and how it’s practiced.

Despite the messages about fighting injustice and treating others equally, many Sikh converts, especially Black Sikhs, deal with prejudice. This is not even unique to converts - Afghan & Kashmiri Sikhs have also faced ignorant comments from Punjabi Sikhs who aren’t aware of Sikh communities outside Punjab. The 1980’s-1990’s Sikh genocide disconnected many Sikhs in Punjab from the revolutionary messages of justice and equality laid out in Sikh holy texts.

A challenge unique to Black Sikhs is that the way kesdhari Sikhs take care of their hair and tie it in turbans can be a challenge for someone with Black hair. I would recommend Gurpreet Kaur’s writing.

Resources

Being Black & Sikh

Articles by Gurpreet Kaur

I would also suggest checking out The Black Sikh Collective on Tumblr, Instagram & Facebook for more perspectives of Black Sikhs.

-SK If this answer was helpful, SK accepts tips here: https://ko-fi.com/skaur | Venmo & Cashapp: skaur1699

[fictionadventurer]

I don't know why this feels like such a revelation, but after watching the latest Moffat episode of Doctor Who, it clicked for me that the core difference between RTD and Moffat Who is that to RTD, the Doctor is God (or a metaphorical substitute for God), while Moffat's Doctor is a man in need of God.

Like, it's obvious RTD deifies the Doctor. The imagery is not subtle. And Moffat's Doctor is obviously a much more fallible man. But I hadn't fully considered how this affects the kinds of stories they tell.

In RTD's Who, the Doctor is someone who comes into a mundane human existence and gives it meaning. An encounter with the Doctor changes your life forever. You would follow him to the end of the universe if he asked, because life with him is infinitely better than life without him. Humans who try to reach the Doctor's level are struck down, because mere mortals cannot rise to the level of godhood. From a Christian perspective, this offers valid storytelling possibilities ("Human Nature/The Family of Blood", with its musings upon the Incarnation, fits perfectly in this era), but it does have the Doctor standing in the place of God, which suggests that the universe of RTD's worldview doesn't have one and needs the Doctor to fill that gap.

In Moffat's Who, on the other hand, the Doctor is a wondrous, impossible, legendary being--but still just a man. He can guide you through some of the best or most terrifying moments of your life--but your life has meaning outside of him. His companions learn over and over again the perils of relying on him too completely. Ordinary people can be just as good--or better--than him, because the Doctor is just another man, growing and changing and trying to find his place in the universe.

Moffat's Doctor is extremely aware that he's in a story--and he is not the author. In "The Doctor Dances" he is aware of how death-filled his stories usually are, and is ecstatically grateful when he is permitted a story where everybody lives. In "Blink", he and Sally are both following a script--but neither one of them wrote it; though they have free will, this story came from outside of them. Of course, these are examples of Moffat's meta exploration of storytelling--but the fact remains that his Doctor exists in a world where there is a greater force that runs everything.

And the Doctor resists this. He remains skeptical, arrogant, independent--but he is always searching for something more.

All this crystallized when watching "Boom". There, the Doctor is facing soldiers in a religious war, and he sneers that they didn't notice anything fishy because they "had faith, which keeps you from ever having to think for yourself." Those are the brutal words of every hackneyed internet atheist, and since the soldiers were wrong to have faith in this war, it seems like the story's saying the Doctor's right, and religion's just the "opiate of the masses".

And yet.

The episode ends with the Doctor telling a little girl to hold onto faith, and when the religious character points out that the Doctor was stridently against faith, the Doctor replies, "Just because I don't like it doesn't mean I don't need it."

Isn't that the Christian experience in a nutshell? How many of us are tempted to think that life would be so much easier if we didn't follow God? And yet we can't leave it aside because we need God. We need meaning outside ourselves, and life with God is better than life without him.

But this isn't the Whedon-ish universe where it doesn't matter if it's true so long as believing does something good for you. There is objective truth, and the Doctor is aware of it. He is aware that love is the most powerful force in the universe. (God is love). He is aware that everyone and everything dies, yet knows that something lingers on. (God is stronger than death). The Doctor is in a world where God exists, and even if he (or his writer) doesn't know it, he needs him, is searching for him, and to some extent, believes in him, because he can't deny these truths that he's seen. And I cannot get over how many different ways Moffat has been exploring these themes all these years.

[seikilos-stele]

The misogyny from David and Ben bothered me in this latest episode of Evil — I do like when the show tackles real-world isms and explores the trio’s blind spots, but I think until now they’ve managed to do it while still maintaining the trio’s care for each other.

Kristen as a white woman is ignorant about what David and Ben go through a men of color with the police, and she benefits directly from her whiteness when the police cover for her re: LeRoux. But she’s also outraged by the police targeting her friends, she doesn’t think they deserve it. When Kristen points out that the church exorcises far more women than men, David defends the church’s misogyny in the abstract — but he never applies that misogyny to Kristen or claims that she’s more emotionally attuned to the world than he is, more susceptible to evil. Ben has to take a stand about the jinn exorcism and points out David’s and Kristen’s Catholic upbringing sometimes makes them prioritize Catholic beliefs over other religions — but the three of them find a compromise and develop more respect for each other. All of these episodes explore the characters’ blind spots in a realistic way while still maintaining that they all care for each other; Kristen is willing to learn, David needs to be challenged, but it’s clear his misogyny comes partly from defensive being the only believer in a group of atheists. Just a few episodes ago, we had that excellent moment where David has to explain what a Black bluff is to Ben, since the racism Ben experiences as an Indian man is sometimes very different from what David experiences as a Black man: David has to subvert expectations by being successful and respectable; Ben has to subvert them by being working-class and down-to-earth. Society expects Ben to be a doctor or a lawyer, not a blunt contractor who works with his hands. He listens to David and learns. Kristen is outraged by police treatment of men of color and then has to grapple with exploiting her status as a wealthy white woman anyway. David internally struggles with the racism and misogyny of the church he’s devoted himself to while also benefiting from the latter. These are clever, realistic depictions of societal oppressions and how they impact a friend group who are all very different from each other but care deeply about each other and don’t like seeing anyone among them hurt.

This episode felt different. Unpleasantly so. I don’t think I would have minded if events were tweaked somewhat … if Kristen learned that the professor had sexually harassed someone else, and the guys initially dismissed it, their judgment clouded by their admiration for him. But the professor sexually harassed their best friend and Ben just shrugged and suggested he was joking; David breezed past it as irrelevant to their investigation. The love and care between the trio seemed to instantly evaporate in favor of making a point about how in #MeToo cases, men can even dismiss accusations from people they know very well. An excellent point, but at the cost of degrading the main characters’ relationship and (imo) edging David and Ben into OOC territory.

[opbackgrounds]

To add to the discussion on the “wounds on the back are a swordsman’s shame” line, I’d argue that it’s a thesis statement of sorts about the purpose of swordsmanship ultimately being about protection. Pell, who is notably a swordsman, is the one of the first characters to outline that there’s a difference between fighting and protection. In that same arc, Zoro understanding what it means to “cut everything and nothing” occurs right after he reflects on how his friends are doing - connecting the event to protection. But I think the biggest piece of evidence is Wano, the country where this phrase likely originates in-universe, depicting the samurai as tattooing the emblem of the clan/lord they serve on their backs. Which, notably is a practice Whitebeard takes up after meeting Oden, whom the story makes a point to emphasize that his back (and in turn the jolly roger tattoo that symbolizes his family) are unmarked.

Which to me signifies that the original intent of the phrase was not some empty machismo, but because whatever the swordsman is protecting should be at their backs and therefore wounds on a swordsman’s back are shameful because they imply that the swordsman failed as a protector.

Which on a side note I think also makes it significant that Ace - who also has this theme of protecting things behind him - gets impaled through his Whitebeard tattoo back-first protecting Luffy.

I can’t entirely agree and do think it’s more strictly about honor. As far as I remember, the only character other than Zoro to be directly connected with the idea of wounds on their back is Whitebeard when he died, and though Whitebeard did fight with a legendary named blade he was in no way a swordsman. Whitebeard did die giving his crew a way to escape Marineford, but the big point of emphasis was his honorable behavior compared to Blackbeard’s dishonorable begging for his life before getting bailed out by his crew.

Even tattooed symbols are more about protecting the ideas those symbols represent. Which, yes, includes people, but to me it can also fall under the same category as Luffy protecting Dr. Hiliruk’s flag on Drum. The only thing he was protecting was Hiliruk’s legacy and memory, and in that moment that was the honorable thing to do.

There is a underlying current of honorable and shameful behavior in One Piece that is spread throughout the more martial characters, a “right” way one should do things, whether you be a swordsman, a pirate, or an Elbafian warrior. Brogy would probably agree with Zoro about wounds on the back being shameful for all that he uses an axe, but would connect it back to his religion, which is something the atheistic Zoro would never do. The Kuja also have a martial culture where honor and shame are very important, and the Boa sisters are terrified of their people finding out about their marks of subjugation on their backs despite them not being swordsmen.

So yeah, I personally think it’s broader than protection, although protecting others fits under the honorable behavior a swordsman should strive for.

[diesvitae]

once you're finished the game could you share your elgarook Thoughts? as i fellow villain fucker i also want him but i cant think of a plot that makes sense for rook and him to get together in any way shape or form akdbsj

OH HI!!! In truth now that I'm done with the game I still have to rework some points in my Elgarook timeline. But in case of Nadir and Elgar'nan... (POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT)

1) Their first (solo) meeting is an attempted assassination from my lil Rook, who was probably also kinda drunk, since he attacks with a normal dagger which is... kinda useless against a god. Elgar'nan in game seems pretty chill, offering "mercy" more than once so I doubt he would be pissed at Nadir for trying. 2) Words are exchanged, Nadir is trapped and probably panicking a bit once he understands the situation he got into, he's able to flee, but there is some sort of curiosity between the two: Elgar'nan can easily sense Nadir is a mage (and a powerful one) but my lil Rook never uses magic, especially the offensive one. That's a mystery he's curious about considering it makes no sense to him (one who's obsessed with power) Nadir refuses to use his natural gifts. And this fear to use magic makes him a perfect pawn to be manipulated and guided to become someone like him. Plus it would be a nice little revenge against Solas, to steal Rook away. Nadir, while looking like this cute smug creature, is pretty insecure, he hates using magic due to hurting people by mistake each time he tried to control it. He hates acting like a hero because he can't see himself as a good person, just a cursed one. But around Elgar'nan he doesn't have to pretend to be perfect, to be controlled. Elgar'nan is the enemy, who cares about his opinion after all? And somehow that lack of care becomes a sense of freedom. So for a while they seek each other out, to learn, to test boundaries, it's a little game neither give much importance. Elgar'nan needs a hobby beyond conquering the world and Nadir needs time away from responsibilities.

That being said, despite starting a literal affair with the enemy, my Rook is beyond loyal to the team, and makes it clear he won't divulge anything which could hurt his friends or help the evanuris. Another part of their dynamic is what they gain from each other. Nadir is quite the atheist, he recognizes Elgar'nan can be considered a god, but he doesn't feel the need to worship anything or anyone. Which makes him see Elgar as a person. He's close to him not to gain godly favor, power or whatever. He simply enjoys his company and the parts of Elgar'nan which can be considered... human (wrong word XD) A person who's built empires using only his power would end up with nothing if that power were to disappear. But Nadir? He would stay. So Elgar'nan gains what it feels to get real unconditional love. On the other hand Nadir gets to be free from his fears. He doesn't have to be scared about using magic around the evanuris because he literally can't hurt them, and even if he were to... it's enemies! Technically he would be doing good by hurting them XD Plus Elly is training him! He doesn't have to act like a hero amonst his enemies. He doesn't have to act like a leader since that's a role Elgar'nan won't leave to anyone. There is also the affection which builds over time which is always nice XD (and the fucks are real good too.) In the end I want them to be like two jigsaw puzzle pieces which lock with each other perfectly despite being completely different. (And yes, Nadir is still going to kill him at the end, in a tragic and painful scene.) As for you, it depends what kind of dynamic you want! You can have your rook act as a spy, joining his side to gather his secrets only to fall for him. Or you can have Rook kidnapped only to have Elgar'nan treating them courteously. Honestly it depends on your tastes!

[catboybiologist]

Are you comfortable with questions about your journey to HRT?

Like, mentally how you took the leap of faith from femboy to needing something more / different. Asking for, uh, *a friend*, yeah 👀

Holy shit, this got long. This springboarded me into a massive writing about how my life influenced my personal gender philosophy, and is probably more than you bargained for. But I hope it's helpful in some way! I actually had a similar conversation recently with an NB, not on HRT friend of mine. What's the jump that makes you want to do HRT?

I don't think my experience parallels that of a lot of people's - everyone's is unique. But I do think there are good takeaways from my thoughts on this. Now that I have an Adderall prescription and my quarter is about to end, I've started writing some kind of more cited and developed essay or video essay, but that's random future stuff. This post itself is gonna be a little rambling, and a little personal. Sorry!

Vaguely, I think that the *push* to start HRT was a distinct force from tearing down the internal barriers associated with HRT, if that makes any sense. For many people, I think they have some sense of a mild preference of the gender they would "want" to be, but it doesn't bother them enough to actually break down the barriers to transition. For me, breaking those barriers, both internal and external, was as important as the motivations to transition themselves.

One of the major barriers in people's heads, often without them realizing it, is some kind of inherent belief in the "sanctity" of their body. For many people, "permanent changes" are terrifying, "unnatural", and even if they don't have medical risks, intrinsically *feel* like a medical risk they're taking on some level. It's an offshoot of purity culture in a weird way- it's the same root as a fear of psychiatric medicine making you "not you". Much of this is intrinsically religious, but a lot is actually not. I had a little bit of this growing up. Being raised atheist certainly helped in this regard, even though it was still a queerphobic slavic atheism.

The tiny bit of this I did have was sanctity of my mind, which internally, I still viewed as a separate entity from my body. This was 100% incited by crushing academic pressure, which influenced how I think and my own morality in a lot of unexpected ways. I grew up in a kind of infamously high pressure education area. It sounds unrelated, but it's really not. My mind, academics, and thinking kind of got put on a pedestal on my mind. My personal image of myself was basically a detached orb of thoughts and public speaking. I had 0 connection to my body. But since my mind was everything, both psychiatric medication and HRT were these vile things that could alter how I think and my mood! Gasp!

The final, crushing blow to both of these mentalities was studying biology. And WOW there's so much I could say about how studying biology has influenced how I think about this idea, which I want to talk about a lot more outside of the scope of just a tumblr post. But to summarize- it's not even about finding a biological "reason" for transness. It's about how I saw a living thing as a detailed, dynamic, intricate, constantly changing system that is as much a function of its environment as it is any intrinsic factors. And this includes the mind. So since I'm a shambling mass of chemicals anyways..... Why not be a shambling mass of slightly different chemicals?

The "detached orb" image isn't entirely accurate, though. Because, from an early age, I did have a self image that made me happy. And it was a female one. I shoved this deeply out of my mind in shame, leaving behind the "orb". This was my "push", as I called it before. In addition to a weird separation between my mind and my body, an additional factor contributed to my detachment- a growing distress around developing male traits during puberty, which coincided in the worst ways with academic pressure during teen and preteen years. Looking back, I now recognize this as dysphoria. I don't think my dysphoria was ever as extreme as many other people. But this is why I'm emphasizing taking down barriers as much as the weight of dysphoria itself. It has always been easy to distract from my dysphoria, but it's always been my "resting state" without realizing it.

Linked a bit to the second point is also how I felt shame about exploring any aspect of my life other than academic and professional achievement. Being raised in a high pressure environment means that any exploration of my queer identity felt like a distraction from the "real" things I should be focusing on. The final thing that tore this down, which I don't recommend for ANYONE, was an almost traumatic set of events during the pandemic/my masters degree that made me have a wake up call. I wasn't structuring anything in my life for my own happiness. Going through that made me realize I was going to continue being miserable unless I changed that. So... I started taking the idea of transitioning to actually work on my happiness very seriously.

Being a femboy was actually how I tried to reconcile these things in my head. It was my attempt to "compartmentalize"- allow myself to gently indulge in gender nonconformity and the happiness associated with it, while still not making the "commitment" to fully transition. It helps that most of my existence as a femboy was crossdressing during the height of the pandemic- spending hours on analysis and writing while living alone during my MS, wearing femme outfits while I did it. And of course, taking pics to kick off this whole online persona. I also kind of liked the idea of cis gender nonconformity as a concept, and still do. I love how femboys fuck with gender, and I wanted a slice of that for myself. It wasn't enough long term, and my new commitment to happiness overcame my desire to compartmentalize.

The final barriers were practical. By the end of my masters in 2022, I knew I wanted to transition, I just needed to get my social and financial shit together. Cue moving to my PhD university, becoming active in the queer community here, having an accepting professional environment... and yeah. Here I am. Still gotta socially transition outside of my queer circles, but now, I even have a plan for that. I still got a long way to go, but for the first time, I feel like I'm going in the right direction. And I'm very, very happy.

A lot of this is not applicable to everyone. It's mostly my personal experience. But if there is one thing that I think should apply to everyone here, it's this: kill bioessentialism in your mind. Kill the concept of complete sanctity of your mind and body. Break the barriers and then let yourself move freely across the new landscape you've opened up. At the very least, you'll come out with a more healthy relationship with your cis identity. And at best, you'll find a new part of you that needed to be found.

The other thing I think is broadly applicable is this: when initially figuring things out, stop thinking about what you "are", and start thinking about what you want. Would it make you happy to grow breasts, curves, have a femme face, estrogen regulated emotions, and other transfemme HRT changes? Because those are the actual, physical effects of HRT. If the answer is yes, start it. There's no reason not to. Your identity can come later. You deserve to be happy *for the explicit purpose of being happy*. You don't need to validate that desire through some other random factor.

This got WAAAYYYY too long, but if you have any questions, please, please ask!!!!