#I think that if he had a phone it would be an old broken Nokia that somehow doesn’t die after years and years of being in his pocket
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finally managed to take a selfie
#I think that if he had a phone it would be an old broken Nokia that somehow doesn’t die after years and years of being in his pocket#he dies and comes back a morbillion times meanwhile the phone remains the same#he hacks it to make it take selfies so that he can spam cloud with selfies and the captions are death threats#timmy draws stuff#fanart#digital art#my art#ff7#ffvii#final fantasy vii#sephiroth#doodle#his phone wouldn’t have games on it sadly#rip sephiroth finalfantasy7 you would have loved fruit ninja#*sephiroth voice* CLOUD. DO YOU HAVE GAMES. ON YOUR PHONE#also I think that if they showed him dancing fruits baby sensory videos he would Calm Down#I will shut up now#blood
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I saw an aesthetic picture about spreading Satan through the Internet recently and it got me thinking about being the IT support at the ministry, and which papas and ghouls would be best and worst at technology. So now I obviously want to hear your thoughts.
(I think Primo would surprise us by being surprisingly proficient, sort of like how my grandma mastered email and Facebook in her 80s.)
I have discussed this at great lengths with my best friend, @her-satanic-wiles, and these are the conclusions we have come to. These include all technology and use of the internet and social media habits.
Please enjoy as much as we did - it was too much fun. This is long, so i've put a page break in.
Some 18+ content here, MDNI!
Primo
As you said, surprisingly proficient.
He learns very fast, intently listening to you when you explain email, Microsoft Word & Excel, and Facebook.
He doesn't get Instagram but that's okay, that's not his target audience.
Doesn't understand how the internet works... "So, is it floating around in the air, or...?"
But he does know how to work it, and how to use it.
Secondo
No patience for technology at all.
If it doesn't work how it should, it is immediately referred to as broken.
"Mostrami solo le mie email, pezzo di merda!" you'll hear him scream from his office.
If it is not broken, it soon will be. His frustration makes him violent.
Got the iPhone 4 when it first came out but it perished in a mysterious fire. He doesn't know how it happened. Stop asking him.
Has been through four Ministry issued keyboards and one monitor that saw violent ends.
Terzo
Not bad at technology at all, in fact learns very quickly.
However, the discovery of Internet Pornography set him back in his paperwork by about a week.
He takes casual nudes and sends them to everyone, like him sat on the toilet or just having got out of the shower. Just because he can.
Your phone keeps saving them automatically and you have to do a mass exodus of Terzo nudes at least once a week to save your phone memory.
When you delete them he sends you more out of spite.
Ends up with Malware on his computer all the time from scam emails that promise him 'hot single babes in his area'.
The kind of guy to go on Omegle to flirt with random people, maybe find someone to jerk off with.
Copia
Boomer.
He's bloody useless, it always makes him feel like a silly old fool.
The only thing he can do by himself is search YouTube for rat videos, because you've shown him a million times.
Types with the screen close to his face and with one finger.
FaceTime angle of a typical dad.
"Look at this!" and proceeds to not flip the camera because he doesn't know how so you just end up staring at his face anyway.
SHOUTS when he's on the phone, no concept of noise at all.
Always forgetting his passwords - you get phone calls asking what his password for this and that is every. damn. day.
How many times do you have to remind him his phone unlocks with FaceID?!
Got scammed by a Facebook ad and had to change all his credit cards.
And now for the Ghouls...
Rain
He's VERY good with tech.
Quiet little genius, knows all the keyboard shortcuts and phone tips and tricks going.
Others ask him for help a lot, and he gets such a sense of pride when he can help them, swishing his tails and smiling to himself as he's helping.
Rain is also in charge of Copia's computer. He built it, fixed it, and cries every time Papa does something he shouldn’t to it.
Swiss
Technology conspiracy theorist.
He is terrified of tech, thinks it's listening to him all the time. Alexa is a demon he doesn't trust and his phone is an old Nokia he uses for emergencies ONLY.
That Nokia is also his weapon that he throws at people's heads when they piss him off. Which happens entirely too often and has caused some damage...
Mountain
Always up to date with the latest tech, never misses a launch.
He keeps leaving his second-hand phones in places Swiss will find them to trigger his technophobia and paranoia.
"DO THEY BREED, OR SOMETHING?!" Mountain is snickering outside his dorm listening to the chaos he's created.
Phantom
TROLL.
Chaos maker, through and through.
He is a serial redditer. The havoc he creates on there is diabolical, honestly.
Goes on Omegle to troll people.
He came across Papa Terzo one evening. They both agreed to never speak of what he saw ever again.
Plays on Swiss' technophobia along with Mountain.
He even created a cruel "conspiracy mode" on the Alexa that plays dramatic music, changes the lighting and shuts the window blinds in Swiss' room whilst Alexa tells him "I'm here, Swiss. I see everything."
Sodo
Has absolutely no interest in the internet or technology whatsoever.
Serial text forgetter. Sees you've text him, ignores it. Promises to get back to it. Never does.
When it comes to guitar tech though, he'll chew your ear off for hours. He knows EVERYTHING.
Ask him a question, but be prepared to be stuck there for approx. 45 minutes while he explains it in great detail with tangents you didn't ask for.
Aurora
Very good with tech, specifically social media.
Basically the social media manager of The Ghost Project.
She loves tiktok, makes them regularly. but it gives off 'Illegal Disney' vibes... Total crack.
Papa had to stop her making them and tell her to take them down.
Ask her about dance challenges - she knows them all.
Cumulus
CANNOT BE BOTHERED.
Why does everything take so long? Typing and everything... so much effort.
So she's a voice note kinda girl.
And they can be full blown podcasts, she talks and talks and talks....
Always takes Mountain's old phones after Swiss has been spooked by them. She hasn't bought a new phone in 6 years. Mountain is none the wiser.
Cirrus
Has a basic understanding, but feels guilty asking for help from IT support.
If an error message pops up, she'll panic and call Aurora.
"No but it says Error 404... WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!"
Queen of cat videos. Falls asleep to 10 hour loops of rain storms on YouTube.
#ghost bc#the band ghost fanfic#papa emeritus iv#papa emeritus 4#cardinal copia#papa emeritus iii#papa emeritus 3#copia#terzo#papa copia#papa terzo#papa secondo#secondo#papa emeritus ii#papa emeritus i#papa emeritus primo#papa primo#primo#primo headcanons#secondo headcanons#terzo headcanons#copia headcanons#papa headcanon#ghost ghoulettes#ghost ghouls#ghouls hc#ghoulettes hc#sodo ghoul#swiss ghoul#phantom ghoul
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Little Moth - Chapter 1 - The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning
[Hi guys, welcome to my fanfiction. This is a Resident Evil inspired fanfiction, I wanted to incorporate a number of my favourite characters, and especially our beloved Magnet Daddy. Slow burn, soft smut impending, beyond that who knows… But to be safe I will say that this is for 18+ years of age only. Let me know if you’d liked to be on a tag list for future chapters. Masterlist is pinned. Thank you to everyone that has read so far. <3]
Masterlist
Trigger Warnings: Mention of menstruation, swearing.
Y/N Protagonist, female. Reader X Karl Heisenberg [18+]
Summary:
Your lifelong friend, Leon Kennedy, has mysteriously gone missing two years after the events of Racoon City. You make a discovery that could lead to his whereabouts; dare you enter the Village?
[Photos are my own] You weren’t sure exactly what you were looking at for a moment, arching your back forwards over the desk in the dimly lit room, the glare from the laptop the only source of light. Several windows had been left open on the screen, and despite the turmoil that Leon’s apartment had been left in, this was what had really grabbed your attention.
The most notable of which was a photo, the resolution was grainy, a scan from a black and white film photo, it looked almost like a foetus, but you couldn’t be sure. Was somebody pregnant? It was almost akin to the sort of photograph that expecting parents would show at a baby shower, but this was… different. You had a feeling of impending doom just by looking at this thing.
Next, another very grainy photo of a town, it almost looked like some of the places from back home in England; a church steeple, a castle or maybe a mansion in the distance? A quaint looking village in the snow. And lastly, a very cryptic email;
10/10/2000
Leon,
Know not what I have done, but what I believe must be done now.
Half of the results of good intentions are evil; half of the results of an evil intention are good.
You have the information that you need, please make haste.
A friend.
Well, that’s ambiguous as fuck. You thought to yourself, pushing the chair back and pulling the lighter from the little band on the side of your cap. You reached to your shoulder and cursed. That’s right, you’d given up, “for health reasons”. Putting the lighter back you reached instead for your camera, a notepad and a pen. You’d been tempted to just take the laptop and the scattered papers, but after several years in the police you knew it was beneficial to leave things as they were. Your eyes flitted from paper to paper, taking notes of numbers, flights, times, place names, anything that you could until you’d filled a couple of pages. One page for practical info, and one page, now that you looked at it almost sounded like a fairy tale;
A village, four kings, four lords, and a mysterious ‘Mother Miranda’. You bit the end of the pen and pondered. It was like nothing you’d ever heard of before, what had he got himself into…
Several days ago you had received a text from the man himself;
‘Y/N I am going to be out of
town for a while, something has
come up. Please don’t worry,
will explain soon. Leon. X
P.S. I’ve left Timesplitters in
your mail box, play you again
when I get back! :] ’
And now here you were. You scoffed knowing he’d have had to pay double to send that one, but he was mad to think that you wouldn’t worry, he was like a brother to you, hell, the only family that you had. After a childhood growing up in rural England you had moved to the states with your father and stepmother when you were in those vulnerable years of your teens during the early 90s, but were lucky enough to have met Leon in school. The two of you had become best friends quickly, and even graduated from the same police academy. It was Leon that saved your butt two years ago when all hell broke loose in Racoon City, him and Claire.
You shifted on the collapsible chair in front of the usually neatly tidied desk which was now strewn with various papers and articles. Your thoughts of Claire continued, and you pulled out your Nokia, opened a message and then faltered. It was late. Later than late you realised, seeing the time; 02:08 AM. What am I doing? You didn’t want to wake her, so you put the phone back into the pocket on your belt.
You swept a strand of your hair behind your ear, the outgrown bangs jumping back in the way and you blew at them irritated. You heard a grumble and moaned, looking down at your stomach. Padding across the shiny, tiled floor you left the desk and headed to the kitchen, opening the fridge where you knew there would be left-over pizza. Sure, it was from over a week ago when you were last here hanging out, but hey, it’s pizza, right?
‘Ugh dude, always with the anchovies, why?’ you mumbled, flinging a small fish into the bin and mentally backhanding the back of Leon’s head. Of course, it was his side of the pizza that was left over, probably trying to stay in shape in case he bumped into ‘Ada’ again. You weren’t keen, but then, you didn’t trust her. You looked at your phone again, left on the desk besides the laptop, Leon would be much better off with Claire, but sadly you felt perhaps that ship had set sail long ago.
You went to sit yourself back down at the desk. CRUNCH “Shit!” Your eyes darted to your right knee. “Fuck… you’re not giving me a break are you.” Letting out a sigh you closed your eyes for a moment. Since you were a child your knee had given you problems. A few dislocations, hospital visits, insteps, braces and physiotherapy. You’d had to grit your teeth hard through every physical training session during academy, but you’d made it. Fortunately for you it wasn’t something that many people would be able to notice or spot. You could run for miles with no problem; it was the recovery time in the days that followed that was tough. You knew it was getting worse, and had been reading about how much longer you might have before you’d need a full replacement, but you knew that it could jeopardise your job, you knew you’d likely not get put on the jobs that you wanted, and the thought of being put into the office answering calls made your heart sink.
And then you spotted it, the corner of another window was sticking out from under the others, exposing the corner of a third photograph. Instantly recognising the symbol you felt as though you were falling.
“What…”
Dragging the window and clicking it to full screen you could see this photograph clearly; some kind of mural, was it in stone? It looked as though there were four crests, family crests maybe. And at the centre; “Umbrella.” You breathed. You stared at it for several minutes and quickly took a photo of the screen on your camera, no point trying to get that old thing to work, you thought, looking at the printer at the other end of the desk. You couldn’t help but smirk, memories of Leon trying to print page after page of game walk throughs, whilst trying to find all the secrets in your favourite action/ adventure game, and laughing your head off at him, mouthful of noodles spilling back out into the carton as a hundred pages shot out at him, flying all over the room with cheat codes for a scantily dressed version of the playable character.
You looked at the clock again, time to go. If you were going to do this, you needed sleep and to get going as soon as you could the next day. It might drain your bank account, but it would be worth it. You didn’t have a good feeling about any of this, and more often than not, your gut instincts were right. Grabbing your R.P.D jacket at the door, you took one last glance at the room. It really did look like a whirlwind had hit it, not like Leon when he was in a better mental state at all. You knew that when he wasn’t his best he’d reach a for a drink and then some, but you could see that nothing was broken, and it was mostly clothes scattered, some bits of equipment and where he’d clearly got the luggage bag down from on top of the wardrobe. Nothing to worry about in regard to kidnap or a break in at least; as if that was enough to stop you from worrying about whatever lay ahead in this ‘Village’.
It started to rain just as you got into your apartment building, and you smiled. You’d always liked the rain. Stopping to quickly check your pigeon-hole for mail and seeing nothing you felt something press up against you calf, rubbing itself against the tops of your boots. You looked down and grinned, scooping up a slender, black cat in one hand and kissing the top of her head. “I’m going to miss you Boo, keep an eye on my mail for me while I’m gone, you know how crammed that thing gets.” You winked at her as you set her back down outside Mrs. Little’s door and fished a sandwich bag full of the leftover pizza anchovies out of your R.P.D. bag. “You didn’t think I’d forget you, did you?” Leaving Boo hastily munching into her treats you jogged up the stairs, your knee twinged, but it wasn’t too bad. It just had its moments.
Your apartment was pretty standard for this part of the city; both you and Leon had left Racoon city some time ago, though it wasn’t far from here. It had been destroyed and bordered off and that was all there was too it. You had to tell it to yourself that way to cope. Leon’s apartment was slightly swankier, but then again, he did like his gadgets and liked to keep things tidy, when his thoughts weren’t somewhere else. You on the other hand were happy to know that while everything had its place, sometimes that place would be on the floor… next to the thingy and nestled safely under a cereal box; and that was okay! You picked up the thingy, and looked at it fondly, before folding it up and putting it away with the others.
Stretching and yawning you looked around you, making a mental note of what needed to be done; pack, shower, sleep. You’d get the tickets the next day, and some money too, you’d have to stop off at the currency exchange. What currency did they even use there? Equipment, keep it simple; knives, pistol, rounds, lighter, fluid, compass, torch, camera, medi-kit. A couple of spare pairs of clothes, and you had your light armour that also fit into the case. You knew the contents would raise suspicion, but you had your badge, at the end of the day another cop had gone missing, and your team knew too.
You whipped off the remainder of your uniform and jumped in the shower, the bathroom filling up with steam and bubbles quickly and you sang along to a few songs on the radio. Wiping the mirror to see yourself more clearly you felt all your insecurities flood to you at once, as well as seeing yourself for the natural beauty that you were. You pursed your lips, staring into your own eyes and promised you’d find him safe and bring him back. He’d yell at you for going in the first place, but you knew this wasn’t right. Something wasn’t right. Traipsing out from the bathroom, you felt the cool air attack your flushed skin. You liked it, you were always a window open kind of person, no matter the weather, the fresh air just soothed you. Of course, that meant the odd moth now and again, like now as you heard the tiny body plummet time and time again against the spherical glass shade of the dim lamp besides your bed. Snuggling up into the loose blankets you smiled at the little creature and pulled the cord on the lamp, smiling again as you felt the moth settle on the side of your head.
After that you actually fell to sleep very quickly. It had been a long day after all; a 6AM start, patrol, arresting some juvies for petty crimes, followed by yet another zombie scare, (false alarm thank God), before filing up all the paper work and heading to Leon’s. Sleep fell like a veil of cool clouds, taking you in and raising you up into the inky blue skies of the night. The next thing you knew, you were butt naked in a dark green forest, dew drops shining on moss like a trillion tiny emeralds. Mist hung thick in the air, and thousands of tiny moths flew up from the ground? No. From you. You were raising your arms up to the skies, the moss covered forest floor moist under your bare feet and between your toes. Behind you the silhouette of a deer… antlers, but much, much taller. In front of you a pair of cold silver-gold eyes in the dark. You felt drawn, ever so drawn, taking one step forward, and then another, your arms coming down now, hands outstretched in caring caress, your heart swelled, your lips bloomed, taking in a short breath, and then; blood. Gushes of it, soaking into the moss, reddening Earth’s green carpet, and dripping down the trunks of the trees, the moths falling from the air around you, their wings sticking and stopping in the thick, red mess.
“Shit!” You fell back down onto your bed, several items around you also crashing down. Hand to your head, you looked wildly about. It happened again. Whatever had fallen this time had been heavy. You turned to see half the cutlery that had been lying on the kitchen tops now on the floor, and the knives and pistol that you’d placed earlier on top of the luggage bag were now in the middle of the floor. A sudden feeling of loneliness washed over you. The same dream, but longer, and this time with blood. “Shit” again, you put a hand to your pants, pulled the covers back and saw red. “Well, that’s one more thing I need to bring with me.” You mumbled, rolling your eyes, and throwing yourself back onto the bed.
Song Suggestion: ‘The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning’ by The Smashing Pumpkins
#resident evil#resident evil fanfic#resident evil smut#resident evil 8#resident evil 2#resident evil village#leon kennedy#Karl Heisenberg#mother miranda#resident evil heisenberg#karl heisenberg fanfic#karl heisenberg fluff
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But the Way That You Act Isn’t Good for Your Health
AO3 link here
Summary: Once upon a time, Alex's parents were cool. They cared deeply about him and his friends. Once upon a time, Alex hadn’t come out yet. OR Five times Alex’s parents were there for him and his friends, and the one time they weren’t.
Warnings: Homophobia, swearing, mention of conversion therapy
Words: 3,899
taglist, just ask to be added or removed: @barrel-of-cat-mituna @completekeefitztrash @tiergan-andrin-alenefar @lemontarto @hershis-kotlc @genesiscaveat @everything-else-and-mars @juline-dizznee @chaotic-basics @an-absolute-travesty @classyfunnyquotesmuffin7 @iamstealingyourgenderaswespeak @itstiger720 @introvertedscarecrow @sunset-telepath @an-idiot-in-a-trenchcoat @cowboypossume @anaccidentwaitingtohappen @sofia-not-sophie @fire-sapphics @dr-alan-grant-blog-blog @real-smooth @juline-dizznee @it-tastes-like-lizard
1.
Alex's stomach twisted and his fingers twisted into the hem of his shirt, tugging and pulling at it like it was a lifeline. The yelling outside continued. Beside him Luke patted his arm, his nine year-old face screwed up in concern for his friend. On his other side sat Reggie, leaning close and fidgeting with Alex's free hand. He was solemn too, but in a different way than Luke, closer to Alex's anxious tap-dancing heart.
Alex's chin jerked up as his dad opened the driver's seat door and stepped in, and he subconsciously tightened his grip on Reggie's hand.
"What's going on?" He asked, when his mom finally got in as well. It was supposed to be a fun outing for the boys; The day was warm and the beach was open, and the three nine year-old boys were tired of being cooped up inside. He stopped twisting at his shirt and his fingers moved to tapping at his leg when his parents shared a look.
Reggie pressed closer to his side, and Luke did his best to put his arm around them both.
"I've got you," He said gravely, his soft voice offset by the slight whistle caused by the gap left behind where a top tooth had once lived.
Alex's parents finished their silent conversation and Mary, Alex's mom, turned to face them.
"Sometimes people get angry and don't act well, but that doesn't mean it's right, okay? That man out there is one of those people right now, so you boys and I are going to stay in the car for a little bit while Mr. Mercer gets out and makes sure the man doesn't hurt that young lady, that sound good?"
Alex nodded and his breathing evened a little bit. The yelling was scary, but he knew his dad could handle it, his dad was the strongest man in the whole world.
Reaching across the console, Mr. Mercer gave Mrs. Mercer's hand a light squeeze.
"I'll be alright, Mary." Alex's mom gave a soft smile and nodded, but the crinkle in her brow stayed in its place.
"I know Paul, I love you." A quick kiss was pressed to her knuckles and then he was out of the car, the door closed behind him.
The three boys waited with bated breath as the shouting paused, started up again and then stopped abruptly. There was a low discussion, and even through the car Alex could tell the words were angry. He took Reggie's small hands in his own -he knew how his friend got when people yelled- and rubbed it with his thumb. Reggie gave him an appreciative smile, and Alex smiled back, glad that the action had helped calm them both down. A man rushed past the front of the car, pausing a moment to aim a kick at it before running off, swearing profusely. The three boys jolted and Mary's hand flew to her mouth with a gasp, but he didn't come back and they relaxed a fraction.
After another minute, Mr. Mercer returned to the car, slipping into the driver's seat silently and sitting there for a long moment. Finally he moved, putting the car in reverse and getting ready to pull out, then stopped abruptly. He turned to the backseat, studying the boys' faces.
"Boys?"
"Yes, Mr. Mercer?" they responded in unison.
"Always respect women. Treat them decent and keep them safe, okay? And the same goes for you, if someone isn't treating you right, get out of there, you deserve to be safe." The boys shared wide-eyed glances as Mr. Mercer started pulling out again, but they nodded anyway.
It took a long time for the boys to start talking again, but eventually the silence was broken by Luke, who elbowed Alex in the ribs.
"I think your dad is a superhero, 'Lex."
Alex thought of the girl his dad had protected, her face shiny with tears when he had managed to twist around in his seat to look, shiny but relieved, and he agreed. His dad was a superhero.
~~
2.
"Hey 'Lex? Is it... Is it okay if I come over to your house for a sleepover? Bobby can't and Luke-" Alex was already asking his mom before Reggie even finished his stumbling words, his voice tinny through the Mercer family's Nokia, knowing after a few years of friendship that his voice only wobbled on days where it was too much for him to be alone.
(Alone with two people. Two people who never stopped fighting for long except to criticize the kid that did everything to make them happy. Everything except be enough, apparently. Alex sometimes wished it was okay to want people to go to hell, but Reggie didn't want that, and his mom said that was bad... Still, Alex was Not a Fan of the Peters’ parents.)
And if Bobby wasn't available...
Bobby had shown up about a year prior, and Reggie had immediately decided that he was going to be a part of their friend-group. To Bobby's credit, he seemed to be fond of Reggie, and that was a quick in to the group in Luke and Alex's book. After a while, Bobby grew to be the one Reggie went to when he needed someone, but couldn't handle being around everybody. He'd go over to Bobby's and all of the other boy's gruffness would melt at the sight of him, and Bobby would make it okay.
Bobby was Reggie’s go-to, but Reggie was coming to him, so Alex needed to be there for Reggie.
"Mom?" He waited patiently as she finished putting the casserole she had been preparing in the oven, her blonde hair shimmering and haloed in the evening light coming in through the kitchen windows, and he was reminded of the art of Mary, Jesus’ mother, and how a golden halo had adorned her head too. His mom brushed her hands off and peeked in the oven one last time before tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear and turning to face him, eyes smiling.
“What’s up, bug?”
“Can Reggie come over?” And then her eyes were softening even more, and for a moment Alex wondered if Mary was as kind as his mom. His mom who always made sure to give Reggie an extra hug, to praise Luke on his singing, and to press a kiss to Bobby’s head and laugh when he twisted away and pretended that he hated it, even though a smile tugged at his lips. His mom who always knew just how to cheer his friends up. Alex thought about it for a minute more and then decided no, his mom was the kindest and prettiest out of all the moms, even Jesus’.
“Of course he can, I’ll even make my special macaroni and cheese!” Alex’s mom gave a small grin and ushered Alex back out of the kitchen. “Now scooch! I’ve got to finish the casserole.”
He giggled and let Reggie know that he could stay, that it was gonna be okay, that Reggie could probably even bring over the guitar he was starting to learn how to play, and they could jam together.
He glanced back at his mom, her hair still gold in the light, and grinned at her soft, tired, and slightly sad smile. She blew a kiss and tucked a strand of gold behind her ear, and then Alex was away again, cheering his friend up over the phone while he gathered some stuff for their sleepover.
~~
3.
Alex heaved a sigh and scrubbed a hand over his face; He had a terrible headache, and the way practice was going? He wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of the band did too.
“Okay Luke, I get we want this perfect, but it’s hot and I have a headache, is there any way we could take a quick breather?”
Luke, surprisingly, just gave a loose nod and flopped onto their couch, face in a weak scowl, more brought on by frustration at the music than any anger towards Alex. It had been a rough week at home for him, and in his mind their struggle with this song was probably one more confirmation that his mom was right, that his music was only dragging him and his friends down.
It tore Alex apart, to see Luke like that, so he slumped onto the space beside Luke, elbowing him slightly before relaxing into the cushion, making sure to “annoyingly” slouch against Luke. The couch was big enough for all four of them to squeeze together, and had taken three of them to carry it into the Mercer’s garage the day they had found it at some estate sale the summer before, and now it was a regular occurrence to find the boys gathered together, bodies tangled together haphazardly on the worn piece of furniture.
Soon, Bobby joined in, grumbling about how sweaty Luke was, but taking the time to ruffle his hair before settling in, patting the spot beside him for Reggie to take. Luke swatted at Bobby’s hand and rolled his eyes as he half-heartedly tried to shove Alex away, inevitably giving in to the crushing affection of his friends and sighing heavily.
They sat that way for a stretch, silence strung between them like unlit Christmas lights; Noticeable, and somehow liminal, waiting for something to flick them on. The thick air felt like an inverted weighted blanket, just as heavy but the direct opposite of comfortable, and Alex lazily found himself wondering if they should add Christmas lights to the garage.
“Alright, enough of the moping guys, we’ll get this!!” And then Luke was hopping up off the couch, so what if it was clear that the pep in his voice was fake? He turned back to the boys and swung his arms wide, “We just gotta take a short break and come back and whip this song.”
His smile was achingly wide (and painfully put-on) but Alex found himself smiling back. Luke might be a hardheaded dumbass sometimes, but they were still friends, and Alex wanted Luke to see that he wasn’t the failure he thought he was.
“Sure, because we were the ones moping,” Alex rolled his eyes and heaved himself up, tugging Reggie up behind him, and headed to the door, yelling back over his shoulder-
“Last one into my parent’s kitchen gets the armchair!”
The rest of the boys launched after him, knowing the stakes of being forced to sit alone on the Mercer’s uncomfortable armchair versus being able to crowd together on their couch was more important than whatever claims of friendship came before. Bobby attempted to shove Luke behind him, only managing to allow Reggie to get a head start, and scuffled at the doorway, Luke pulling at his shirt and biting at his hand.
“No fair man, I was already farther away!!”
Alex only laughed, throwing open the door to his house and making a break for the couch as the other boys tumbled in after him.
“Hey mom!” He called out, “The boys are trying to kill m-” He was interrupted by a decorative pillow to the face and a crow of laughter from Luke as Reggie gave Bobby a high-five.
“Oh hi boys, I didn’t know you’d be coming in today! Reggie, it’s so nice to see you again, how’s your sister?” Mary Mercer walked in smiling from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel.
“And Luke!! I haven’t seen you in weeks besides creeping into our garage to play that marvelous music of yours. When do you plan on giving us a concert? I expect a friends and family discount of course,” She winked and gave a small chuckle.
“Paul and I have loved hearing you boys practice, and you’ve developed so much just this summer! Of course, I’ve always loved your music, but lyrically? Why, you’ve become a genius when it comes to lyrics. We’re so proud of you.”
She squeezed Bobby’s shoulder and gave him a fond smile before heading back to the kitchen.
“I made some sugar cookies and lemonade; I’d planned to bring it out to you boys, but since you’re inside now… Well, might as well enjoy the air conditioning.”
Luke, who had practically bloomed like a flower previously wilting, followed her into the kitchen, his smile now genuine and brighter than the sun itself, and the rest of the band followed.
~
“Say Mrs. Mercer, do you think we really could do a concert?”
The boys had sat down at the kitchen table, quickly downing most of the cookies, and Luke had taken the pause in eating to probe what Mrs. Mercer had said earlier. She stilled from where she stood at the sink and hesitated before turning to look at the boys with a gentle smile.
“Of course I do, Luke. Mr. Mercer and I have always admired your talents, and all of you boys are amazing musicians. I would love to see you build your skills even more, and I’m certain other people would adore your music.”
Alex watched as Luke grinned and tucked into another cookie, warmth filling his chest.
And later, when his mom pulled him aside and asked if Luke was doing alright, he pulled her into a tight hug and replied, “I’m pretty sure he’s doing a lot better, thanks to you.”
~~
4.
Alex wasn’t sure what to think when his chest started tightening and his breathing became erratic and painful. Maybe he was dying. Maybe he had a terrible hidden sickness and now something had triggered it and, oh God maybe he was dying.
He was dying and he didn’t tell his mom that he loved her that morning, and Luke didn’t know that he was one of the most incredible songwriters Alex had ever known. He couldn’t breathe and Reggie didn’t know that he meant the world to Alex, and Bobby didn’t know just how fucking much Alex cared and how much he loved it when Bobby gave him one of his rare hugs.
Because now Alex was dying and he couldn’t breathe and everything was foggy and maybe he was sobbing but his chest was so tight that he couldn’t see how he could breathe in enough to cry, let alone sob. And this was it, wasn’t it? Alex was dying alone and it was so fucking stupid because how did he go from writing his essay for English homework to this? To this sobbing panicked mess, rocking on the floor?
He was fucking dying and it was on his kitchen floor. And he was freezing and sweating and God, his stomach hurt too and maybe he wasn’t dying, maybe Alex was just going to lay there and be tortured. Nope, he was going to die, and holy fuck he wasn’t ready for heaven. His heart was going a mile a minute, and of course this was going to be how he died and-
His death was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder and Alex tried jerking away but he couldn’t move. He could only shake and suck in for breath as the hand carefully pulled him into a sitting position and a low voice started pushing through the fog in his brain.
“Alex? Alex, bud… breathe with me, okay? It’ll be okay.”
But how could he fucking breathe? How could Alex breathe when it felt like his heart was going to explode at any second, his lungs captured in a vice, when his mind couldn’t hold onto a single thought for more than a second-
“Alex, you gotta work with me kid, you just gotta breathe, okay? Breathe in for as long as you can, and then hold that breath. You got it ‘Lex, c’mon, breathe with me. Alright, slow breath out now- you got it-”
And then the hand was his father, and the voice telling him to breathe was his dad, telling him he loved him and that it was okay, that Alex was okay.
Alex kept breathing, and his dad kept holding his hand, and telling him he could do it, that he was proud. Eventually Alex’s heart rate slowed, and while he felt nauseous and exhausted, he could breathe now.
It was okay, he was okay.
“Dad?”
“Yeah ‘Lex?”
“I… Thank you.”
“Always kiddo. And Alex?” Alex looked up at his dad and gave a weak hum. “If you have another panic attack, tell me? You don’t need to be going through that alone.”
Alex nodded and sagged back into his father’s waiting arms.
He was okay.
~~
5.
“Alex! C’mere really quick, I need your help with something!”
Alex looked up from where he sat cross-legged on the floor of his room at the sound of his dad’s voice. He sighed and pushed himself up, ruffling Bobby’s hair on his way out. The band had been brainstorming which songs to perform at their next gig, not that it was going to be very big, but Alex figured that Luke and Reggie were more of the brains of that particular operation, so he set off without a complaint.
Bobby swatted at his hand and rolled onto his back, closing his eyes and leaving Reggie and Luke to be the only one’s actually going through their songs.
“Yeah dad?” Alex leaned over the staircase railing, eyeing the way his father sat hunched over at the table, a scratch piece of paper in front of him, and a pencil tucked behind his ear. Paul Mercer was a tall man with piercing blue eyes, soft brown hair, and a wry smile. Alex liked to think he took after him, aside for the blondness of his own hair.
“Ah, Alex. Can you come over here? I’m making a list.”
Alex raised an eyebrow at that.
“O….kay?” He hopped off the last step and pulled up a chair beside his dad, taking a closer glance at the paper.
Extra blankets
Extra pillows
(extra clothes??)
Pool money for mini fridge
Add loft
“Dad, what’s all this for?”
His father scrubbed a hand over his face, pulling his hand down to rest his chin on his palm.
“I’ve been thinking, well, your mother and I have been, and… your friends…”
“Yeah?” Alex’s voice was sharp, but his dad was acting weird, and he was protective of the boys.
“They don’t have the best home life, so your mom and I were thinking about making the garage more your space. The couch is already in there, so we figured, if you boys wanted, to give it fully to the band. Blankets and pillows for when one of them needs to stay over, a fridge, which, granted, you boys would need to pay for part of it, some odds and ends you boys might need. What do you think?”
Alex turned his eyes up to his father’s and worked his jaw, his throat tight.
“Dad… That’d be great, yeah.”
His dad’s face broke into a relieved smile, and he clapped Alex on the back.
“Alright, well then. You can go back up, but if you think of anything to add, I’m drawing blanks for anything else.”
“Yeah, okay, thanks dad.”
When Alex walked back into his room a few minutes later, Luke and Bobby in an arm-wrestling competition on his bed, Reggie egging them on, he rolled his eyes and smiled.
He was grateful that his parents cared as much for these dumbasses as he did.
“Alright boys, break it up!” He sat on the bed with them, giving a yelp when Bobby launched at him and put him in a headlock before rubbing his knuckles on his head.
He smiled.
~~
+1.
“Supper’s ready!” Mary Mercer called from the dining room, and Alex took a shaky breath and rubbed his sweaty palms on the front of his shirt before walking into the room and sitting at the table.
His dad wandered in next, pressing a kiss to his mom’s forehead, and settling hard into the chair across from Alex.
“Ah! Chicken pot pie! Delicious.”
Alex gave a half-hearted nod of agreement, his stomach churning as he eyed the food in front of him. This was usually one of his favourite meals.
“Well, shall we say grace?” The family of three held hands, Mr. Mercer saying a short blessing while Alex sent up his own frantic plea.
Just let them accept me, God, please.
“-Amen.”
Mrs. Mercer began serving the food and Alex waited anxiously until all of their plates were full to interject.
“Hey mom, dad?” His stomach twisted harder, and he felt his face already heating up. His parents waited expectantly, his mom smiling encouragingly and his father giving a nod. He could do this.
“I’ve been thinking about this, and… I’ve been really struggling with it. It’s been this way as long as I remember, it’s not a big thing it’s just- I’m gay.”
There. It was out.
Alex’s shoulders were hunched, and his eyes tightly closed. A piece of silverware clattered on a plate, a gasp. Good sign or bad sign? Good sign or-
An awkward throat-clearing.
“Son.” His dad’s voice was low and oh shit, Alex had misjudged this and his dad wasn’t happy and-
He opened his eyes.
Fuck.
His father’s eyes were full of anger, and his mother… Alex’s mom sat in shock, her hand covering her mouth, the tablecloth in front of her a mess of food, her abandoned fork lying prone and vulnerable. Alex found himself relating to it.
“Alexander…” his mom tried, pausing a moment before giving a small unbelieving scoff. “Surely you’re joking. You know our family isn’t like that.”
“And!” Mr. Mercer added, “It’s not funny either.”
Alex’s stomach dropped even further.
“No, dad- mom- I’m actually gay. That’s just part of who I am! I’m still Alex, I just. Can’t make myself like girls.” And he should have stopped. He should have stopped before he even said anything, but he was anxious and why weren’t his parents saying it was okay? Why weren’t they saying they still loved him? And-
“I… like boys instead.”
If words could be knives then they could also be nails, and Alex had just successfully finished the construction of his very own coffin.
A chair slid across the floor, and then his father was pointing angrily and telling him to “get to his fucking room” but Mr. Mercer didn’t yell, and he didn’t swear. Mr. Mercer helped Alex through panic attacks over school, and told him stories about the ocean, and Mr. Mercer never, ever swore.
Except Alex was stumbling, shell-shocked and heartbroken, up the stairs and to his room, and his dad was turning back to his mom and saying “How the hell did we raise him to be a homosexual?” and Alex’s eyes were filling with tears, his chest was tightening up, and he couldn’t breathe.
He shut the door behind him, leaning against it and sliding to the ground as his breathing became even more ragged. Alex wasn’t okay and his parents weren’t okay with him, and as he felt another panic attack coming over him, he used the breathing exercises that the very same man who was now talking about kicking him out, had taught him.
Alex fell asleep to the sound of raised voices.
He woke up to a conversion therapy camp’s pamphlet being shoved under his door.
#alex#Alex Mercer#alex mercer's parents#bobby#bobby shaw#luke#luke patterson#Reggie#Reggie Peters#jatp#jatp fanfic#julie and the phantoms#julie and the himbos#felony writes shit
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2011 pt.II
July 1st:
Selena's new film Monte Carlo is officially released in theatres and Justin tweets out his support:
Justin: "Everyone go see @/selenagomez movie #montecarlo in theatres NOW"
*tweet here (x)
July 11th:
Justin and Selena are spotted/joined by fans singing karaoke at Lucky Strike Lanes in LA - one fan tweeted he was partying with the couple.
The two took to the microphone for an impromptu duet of Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow’s “Picture” and shared a kiss after their performance.
Videos later surfaced (x)
July 13th:
Justin and Selena attend The ESPY Awards together held at the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles.
July 17th:
Justin and Selena crash a wedding in Malibu, California
TMZ reports:
According to our sources at the wedding, Justin and Selena were strolling on the beach when they heard Justin's song "One Less Lonely Girl" playing at the reception -- inside the historic and shi shi Adamson House.
We're told Justin snuck up on some guests -- who predictably OMG'd and LOL'd -- and then hopped on the mic, saying: "We just crashed it. We heard a party so we decided to just come. So let's party."
They only stayed for about 10 minutes to pose for pics -- including some with the happy couple -- and then bolted.
youtube
July 20th:
Justin visits Selena at a Hollywood studio while she rehearses for her upcoming tour
July 22nd:
Justin and Selena are spotted together shopping on her birthday - he posted a photo of the two on Instagram and tweeted:
“Happy Birthday @SelenaGomez gonna be a special day.”
*tweet here (x)
instagram
July 24th:
Selena's We Own the Night World Tour begins tonight in Costa Mesa, California - Justin surprises her at the show and joins the stage to perform Justin Timberlake's Cry Me A River
He later tweets that night:
“@selenagomez u did great tonight. proud of u”
*full performance video here (x)
July 26th:
Justin and Selena are photographed out for lunch at Hooters in Burbank, California:
“Justin and Selena came in at about noon for lunch,”
“They were both really polite and signed a few autographs. They were both super-friendly and made the most adorable couple!”
July 28th:
Justin attends another one of Selena’s shows with friend Sean Kingston in Boca Raton Florida.
He posts a photo to his Instagram wearing her tour merch
*article here (x)
August 2nd:
Rumors began circulating that Justin and Selena may have broken up after a YouTube video went viral declaring that Selena found flirty texts Justin sent to his ex Jasmine - E!News later shot this down
Selena performs in Atlanta Georgia and Justin’s friends Alfredo and Carin attend the show. Justin tweets:
“ATL show @selenagomez love tonight! @alfredoflores and @carinmb are in the building i heard. #Beasts!”
*E! article here (x) / tweet here (x)
August 6th:
Alfredo posts a photo of him, Justin, Selena to Instagram captioned: “swimming with the boys :)” while Justin adds a photo of himself to Selena’s Instagram
August 7th:
Justin and Selena attend the 2011 Teen Choice Awards together and were super affectionate throughout the entire ceremony - Justin danced through Selena's performance of Love You Like A Love Song and cheered her on as she accepted her 5 awards
youtube
August 13th:
Justin and Selena are spotted in an Apple Store in Rosemont Illinois, while she's in town for tour
August 18th:
Justin and Selena attend a pool party and are photographed kissing - Justin also uploads a photo of the two on instagram captioned:
“my babbyyyy”
instagram
August 19th:
Justin and Selena are photographed as they picked up a smoothie from Smoothie King in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania where she performs later that evening on tour
During Selena’s soundcheck performance in Philadelphia, a fan shouts out asking for her phone number, Selena replies:
“I don’t think my boyfriend would like that”
*full video here (x)
August 20th:
Selena had “JB” written on her right hand and “I love you” on her left wrist during her concert in New Jersey
August 21st:
Justin and Selena are spotted walking in Hershey Park theme park, in Pennsylvania
August 23rd:
Justin and Selena are photographed out and about with Alfredo, Ryan and Kenny in Toronto, Ontario
August 25th:
Justin announces that he would be releasing his first Christmas album and second studio album later in 2011 -
His manager Scooter Braun and vocal producer Kuk Harrell confirmed a week later that Justin had collaborated with Sean Kingston and Taylor Swift and had also worked with producers The Messengers.
August 28th:
Justin and Selena attend MTV Video Music Awards together where Selena was a co-host for the pre-show - Selena interviewed Justin in the arrivals hall at the awards ceremony where the two were very affectionate sharing kisses, Selena telling Justin:
'Thank you so much. Thank you for hanging out, babe.'
Justin also hugged Selena onstage as he accepted the award for Best Male Video
September 2nd:
Selena watches while Justin plays basketball and cheers in the background
*video here (x)
September 9th:
Justin talks with Women's Wear Daily for an interview and mentions that he's dating Selena:
WWD: You told one of the kids earlier that you’re still friendly with Selena.
JB: She’s amazing. She’s my girlfriend right now.
WWD: Where do you see yourself five years from now?
JB: [Visibly counting] Well, by 25 or 26, I want to see myself, like, married or start looking for a family. I want to be a young dad. I want to be able to have done what I wanted to do — to be successful, to do a movie or whatever. But if the time is right, I definitely want to be married by 25.
One thing — I’m not looking to get married now.
*full interview (x)
September 10th:
Justin and Selena spotted out for lunch in Las Vegas, where Selena performs that evening - they later attend the shows after-party with DJ Taf
September 14th:
Justin and Selena visit the old-set of Wizards of Waverly Place
September 15th:
Justin and Selena attend “The Abduction” premiere at Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Los Angeles - Selena gets boo’d (?) by fans as she walks the red carpet.
September 16th:
Justin are Selena are photographed having lunch and doing a bit of shopping at a mall in Los Angeles
September 17th:
Justin and Selena are seen arriving to LAX Airport departing to Atlanta - later that evening, they attend Georgia Music Hall of Fame with Usher and Justin performs and was honored with the Horizon Award at the 33rd Annual Georgia Music Hall of Fame Awards.
*article here (x)
September 18th:
Justin and Selena went to watch the Atlanta Falcons play the Philadelphia Eagles at the Georgia Dome. Justin tweeted photos of themselves kissing on the way to the game.
While leaving the game, Selena is filmed slapping Justin, suggesting they may have been fighting
instagram
*full article here (x) full video here (x)
September 19th:
Selena attends The Jay Leno Show where she performs Love You Like A Love Song. Justin came to support Selena and was photographed with her backstage
Selena has a cute interview backstage with Bryan following her performance, Bryan points out that Selena brought Justin:
Selena: “I did. He’s sweet. Everybody’s taking pictures with him right now,”
After her interview, the camera flashes to Justin chatting with Simon Cowell. Before the couple say bye to Simon, Justin grabs Selena’s hip and tells Simon:
Justin: “I’ll look after her.”
*full article here (x)
September 20th:
Justin uploads a photo of him hugging Selena while deplaning a jet onto Instagram.
Justin and Selena are also spotted in the park taking staged photos with 6 babies (?) in which Justin also later uploads to his instagram captioned:
"Brangelina 2.0 hahahahahaha"
instagram
instagram
September 21st:
Justin and Selena attend LA Zoo together
September 23rd:
Selena and Justin are photographed on a PDA filled beach stroll in Malibu California
*Daily Mail article / photos (x)
September 23rd:
Selena and Justin attend Demi Lovato’s concert together held at the Nokia Centre in Los Angeles
After the show, Justin surprises Selena by renting out The Staples Centre arena for a private, exclusive dinner date and movie screening of Titanic:
"The teen supercouple arrived at the empty, 20,000-seat arena, where the lights had been dimmed; on the court floor was a table set for two with candles.
After the meal — steak and pasta, catered by the Lexus club — the couple enjoyed a private screening of Titanic. (The "Baby" singer apparently got the idea from the Adam Sandler flick Mr. Deeds, in which Sandler's character surprises his girlfriend, played by Winona Ryder, with a similar gesture at NYC's Madison Square Garden.)
And TMZ reports that Bieber paid nothing for the big date: The Staples Center comped the evening as thanks for Bieber's recent sold out concerts there."
*UsWeekly article here (x) *justin's tweet (x)
September 25th:
Justin’s best friend Alfredo posts instagram photo of him, Justin, Selena on private jet:
"BOOM BOOM POW! @/JustinBieber @/SelenaGomez -- see the creeper?"
*alfredo's tweet / photo (x)
September 28th:
Selena joins Justin in Franklin Tennessee on the set of his music video shoot for a song off his upcoming Chrismtas album, Under the Mistletoe.
Justin tweets:
“video shoot today for christmas album. #mistletoe”
September 30th:
Justin begins the Latin American leg of his My World Tour, beginning this evening in Monterrey Mexico and concluding October 19th in Caracas Venezuela.
Selena was judging a Disney Channel show with Sean Kingston when she met Ben Baller, the man who made Justin's grill. According to Ben, Selena wasn’t too stoked about meeting him originally, but then she concocted an idea to prank Justin, which he wrote about on his blog:
“Selena says ‘ohhhh I don’t like you! you’re the one who made Justin’s grill huh?’ I said yeah….. does he wear it?’ Selena said ‘YES! he definitely wears it! (stone face towards me) and I’m thinking to myself like damn…. she’s actually really sweet though, I can tell lol… so She says let’s play a prank on Justin…. and I agreed (why not right?) let’s take a pic and then send the guys the pic and under it say ‘guess who’s getting a grill?'”
“I didn’t say it was a joke or anything… a few hours later, I get a text from Justin saying ‘call me’ and I’m like…. damn, he’s gonna be mad or tell me to take it down….”
“He says ‘cmon bro. is she really getting a grill? (I’ve talked to him enough on the phone to know his voice and different sounds, from regular to really happy) and he was definitely concerned like ‘please say it’s a joke’…. so I’m thinking to myself, like damn, I know in the last 3 hours he’s had to have talked to his girl and he had to ask her…. I can’t believe she’s really stringing this little prank along for so long…. she’s really cool for playing the joke for real! haha”
*article here (x)
October 3rd:
Justin was seen looking for Selena in the airport in Rio de Janeiro because there was an issue with her visa.
Selena had some difficulty getting into Brazil because she didn’t have the correct visa
October 4th:
Justin and Selena take a helicopter ride while exploring Rio de Janeiro, Brazil before he takes the stage tomorrow.
An insider tells told Hollywood Life:
'Justin and Selena are staying at the Copacabana Palace in Rio de Janeiro, which is considered to be the most exclusive hotel in Rio.'
'They are staying in a Penthouse Suite which includes one bedroom with a king-sized bed, a living room, a mini bar and two marble bathrooms with a separate bathtub and shower.'
*Daily Mail article / photos (x)
October 5th:
Selena joins Justin backstage before he takes stage and poses for photos, while Justin tells a reporter he calls Selena “Mamacita” during an interview
After the concert, Justin and Selena were seen out for dinner, clubbing at Copa Club and kissing in the backseat of the car on their way back to the hotel
*DailyMail article here (x)
October 6th:
Selena and Justin are spotted by numerous fans around town before Justin’s second show this evening - that night, Selena joins Justin on stage and they perform Selena’s song Who Says together.
Justin tweeted earlier in the day:
"had a lil fun last night in RIO….show #2 in RIO is 2nite….got some very special guests with me 2nite #mistletoe"
*justin's tweet (x)
youtube
October 7th:
Justin and Selena are photographed boarding their plane as they leave Rio de Janeiro
October 9th:
Justin speaks with New! Magazine for an interview and admits he loves Selena but insists they have no plans to move in together because of their busy careers:
"I wouldn't be with somebody if I wasn't in love,"
"Everybody can see she is hot and that's great, but there is so much more to her than that. She makes me laugh and she puts up with my practical jokes. She has really strong family values as well. We were both raised by our moms in single-parent households, and that's given us a lot of the same family values in life."
"At the moment we're so busy, it's pretty much hotel rooms for me for most of the year. She could be in one part of the world and I could be in the other. We are just a young couple who are enjoying spending time with each other. But we both took time off last month and it was just really cool to be able to spend time together and just do normal things like go to the beach and have dinner together."
*full article here (x) and (x)
October 9th:
Justin gives a radio interview with 97.5 Fanatic Philadelphia:
Interviewer: What’s up with you and Selena man?
Justin: Well she’s on tour right now, so yeah.
Interviewer: Is this an official hookup?
Justin: Y‘know, I like to keep some of my private life to myself.
Interviewer: Well it’s already out there.
Justin: I know I mean it’s pretty obvious, but I don’t really like to talk about it.
Interviewer: I got you, you wanna keep it a private relationship - but how’d you swing that? It’s tough to get that break through line.
Justin: Yeah I know, I was pretty shocked myself. She’s very beautiful.
Interviewer: So how’d you make the approach? Did someone put you two together or what?
Justin: We started as friends like 2 years ago, so we were just friends for a long time - that’s how it happened.
October 12th:
Selena tweets a photo she added to instagram, of her eating Tim Hortons in Canada:
“Canada.. I missed you. But @justinbieber misses you more.”
*selena's tweet here (x)
October 17th:
Justin's song Mistletoe, the first single off his Christmas album, is officially released - Selena posted a photo of the song to her Instagram captioned:
“Finally it’s out.. Did y’all buy it?”
October 18th:
Justin performs the last show of his My World Tour this evening in Carasova Venezuela
October 20th:
Selena and Justin are spotted walking around The Forks shopping area in Winnipeg, Canada. Selena has the night off from her We Own the Night World Tour, but has a performance in the city tomorrow.
Insiders confirm that her and Justin are staying at the luxury boutique hotel Inn at the Forks in Winnipeg.
That evening, Justin again rents out an entire movie theatre for a date with Selena -he arranged for a screening room at the SilverCity Polo Park Cinemas to be kept empty so he and Selena could watch Real Steel' in private, and also rranged for pizzas to be delivered to the cinema for him and Selena to feast on during the movie.
A source at the venue said: "They made sure to keep everything really under wraps and private. He was really polite and they both thanked everyone before they left."
Justin uploads a photo of him and Selena in the theatre to Instagram captioned "me and my besty watching a movie"
*full article here (x)
instagram
October 21st:
Selena plays at the MTS Centre this evening in Winnipeg Manitoba, while on her We Own The Night World Tour.
Her and Justin stopped by Winnipeg's D'Arcy's Animal Rescue Centre for a visit and played with the dogs for over an hour - there were rumours that Selena took a pup with her
Justin and Selena are spotted by various fans throughout the day while out exploring Winnipeg, including Tim Hortons, and Speedworld Indoor Kart Track along with friend Ashley Cook
*full article here (x)
October 22nd:
Justin takes Selena to a hockey game to watch his favourite team, the Winnipeg Jets, from a private suite at the MTS Centre wearing matching jerseys with their names emblazoned across the backs. According to onlookers, they spent most of the game kissing and cuddling one another.
After the game, the two physically took to the ice both wearing Jets jerseys - after circling the ice a few times holding hands, Selena didn't skate much at all, preferring to watch Justin take shots at net.
*full article here (x)
youtube
October 24rd:
Selena is in London, Ontario for her We Own The Night World Tour and was seen carrying puppy Baylor around backstage before her concert wearing a Baylor University sweatshirt.
*photo here (x)
October 24th-October 29th(?):
Selena’s tour continues through October 30th in Canada and Justin remains with her for most of the dates - sometime throughout this period, they visited and spent time with Justin's family and are photographed together carving pumpkins and eating pie.
October 25th:
Its been reported that Selena and Justin have adopted a puppy together from D'Arcy's ARC while in Winnipeg, Canada:
“I was told that [Selena] was missing the dogs that she has at home,” the shelter’s CEO told People. “I wasn’t expecting her to adopt a dog while she was on tour.”
*full article here (x)
October 27th:
Justin sat down with Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush while promoting his new Christmas album, “Under the Mistletoe,” and chatted about Selena’s new puppy and their private movie theatre date
Baylor:
“She saw this dog, and she fell in love with it. She was like, ‘I need to have it!’ We just went to the shelter just to look around. Turns out, she brought one home. It was kind of like she just saw the dog, and it kept going to her, I don’t think the dog really likes me that much. I think he’s on tour with her right now,”
Movies:
“If I go into a movie theatre and everyone’s not looking at the movie and looking at us, it’s kind of like awkward, I’m looking at the movie and everyone’s looking at me. It’s like I’m the movie or something.”
*full article here (x)
October 28th:
Justin appears on Jay Leno and talks about Selena - she is in attendance and her and Justin pose for photos backstage
November 1st:
Justin’s Christmas album “Under The Mistletoe” is officially released today - he begins shooting the Fa La La Music video with Boys II Men and Selena joins him on set posing for photos together.
Later that evening, a tabloid story about Justin began circulating online:
A 20-year old woman named Mariah Yeater has filed a paternity suit against Justin on October 31st, alleging that he fathered her child after a brief backstage tryst at Justin’s October 2010 L.A Staples Centre concert. The paternity suit was reportedly filed on October 31st in a California court.
*Mariah Yeater article here (x)
November 2nd:
Justin on appears on On Air With Ryan Seacrest to promote his new Christmas album “Under The Mistletoe” and he mentions Selena's newly adopted dog Baylor
He also later appears on POWER106 FM during his “Under The Mistletoe” promo, rapping an Otis freestyle referencing Selena:
“my girl says I’m perfect she just loves an imperfect person perfectly, personally I think she is perfectly perfect"
Later that day Justin tweets alluding to the Mariah accusations:
“all the rumors...the gossip....Im gonna focus on the positives....the music."
*POWER106 video here (x) tweet here (x)
November 3rd: '
Selena was photographed arriving to LAX Airport in Los Angeles, heading to Belfast to meet Justin, and was all smiles.
Meanwhile, the Mariah Yeater rumours have not settled down whatsoever as the tabloids continue and Mariah continues to give interviews
*DailyMail article here (x) AnythingDiz photos here (x)
November 4th:
Justin gives an interview to Today Show to dismiss Mariah Yeater’s claims and says he's never even met her:
“I would just like to say that none of those allegations are true.”
“I know I’m going to be a target, but I’m never going to be a victim,” Justin added.
“It’s crazy, because every night after the show I’ve gone right from the stage right to my car. So it’s crazy that some people want to make up such false allegations.”
A statement released by Justin’s publicist on Wednesday said his lawyers had not seen the suit reportedly filed by Yeater, but said:
“it’s sad that someone would fabricate, malicious, defamatory and demonstrably false claims. We will vigorously pursue all available legal remedies to defend and protect Justin against these allegations.”
Rumors begin circulating that Selena and Justin have split in light of the Mariah Yeater allegations - late Friday afternoon, it was reported Selena had dumped Justin in the wake of the scandal.
*Today Show article here (x)
November 5th:
Justin and Selena have not split up, a rep for Selena told Access Hollywood and USWeekly on Friday night.
A source close to Justin also shot down rumors of the split on Friday night, telling Access that there was no truth to the rumors and the couple is still heading to Europe together this weekend for the MTV Europe Music Awards in Belfast where Justin will be performing at the show while Selena will be the host.
*AccessHollywood article here (x) UsWeekly article here (x)
November 5th:
Justin and Selena wave to fans as they arrive together at the Merchant Hotel in Belfast, Northern Ireland.
Later that evening, Justin and Selena are later photographed together hand-in-hand arriving at the MTV Voices Dinner.
"Justin and Selena could not keep their eyes off each other for the whole night," a dinner source told Us. "They were very much in love and didn't show any signs of stress or strain in their relationship."
Justin, who was receiving an award for his charity work, tweeted after the event:
"I know what it is like to not have alot...so it feels great to be in a position to #giveback. thanks to everyone helping me"
*photos here (x) UsWeekly article here (x)
November 6th:
TMZ reports from sources directly connected with Justin that he will happily take a DNA test in two weeks when he returns to the United States to prove he is not Mariah Yeater's baby daddy -- and after that, him and his team are going after her in court.
Selena hosts the MTV Europe Music Awards in Belfast, North Ireland this evening while Justin is set to perform at the event. After the ceremony, they attend LMFAO'S after-party and are photographed together at the event
*TMZ article here (x) photos here (x) / tweets here (x) (x) (x)
November 7th:
Justin and Selena are photographed after their private tour of Chelsea FC’s football ground in London on Monday morning
It's been reported that Justin gifted Selena $27k diamond bracelet and surprised her with it just before she took the stage to present at last night’s MTV EMA’s
*full article here (x) photos here (x)
November 8th:
Justin and Selena stop by NRJ Radio station Paris, France for an interview while Justin is promoting his Christmas album
Later that afternoon, Justin and Selena are photographed together hand-in-hand after a lunch date at Paris's L'Avenue restaurant
And that evening they were photographed on a dinner date
*DailyMail article (x) dinner photo (x)
November 9th:
Selena and Justin are photographed shopping while in Paris
Justin posts a photo of him and Selena on Instagram at Disneyland Paris with the caption:
“thank god above for my very own christmas love”
November 11th:
Justin and Selena hold hands as they head back to their car after visiting a television studio in Madrid, Spain
Selena has been joining Justin on his European promo tour for Under The Mistletoe.
Selena tweets that her puppy Baylor is sick and needs surgery.
*full article here (x) tweet here (x)
November 12th:
Selena and Justin are spotted leaving KISS FM Radio station together in London
*DailyMail article (x)
November 16th:
Selena’s music video for Hit The Lights is officially released and premieres on VEVO
TMZ reports thatMariah Yeater officially dismisses paternity lawsuit:
"The suit was quietly dismissed late last week and Mariah Yeater's lawyers, Lance Rogers and Matt Pare, have withdrawn from the case.
As we first reported, Justin not only planned to take a DNA test when he returned to the U.S., he was going to sue Yeater and her lawyers for making a bogus claim. And, as we reported, Justin's lawyer, Howard Weitzman, called the attorneys and informed them a suit was looming.
The paternity lawsuit left Mariah Yeater open to a possible charge of statutory rape, because Justin was only 16 years old at the time of her claims."
*TMZ article here (x)
November 17th:
Justin does the radio interview circuit today while in New York City in promotion of his album Under The Mistletoe:
Justin sits down with 92.3 NY for a radio interview and was asked about Mariah Yeater's claims, getting serious with Selena, and what Usher thinks of them.
They first speak about Mariah Yeater and the texts she sent her friend begging him to erase evidence/text messages that admit her son's dad is someone else, promising to give him a cut of the action when she gets paid.
*full video interview here (x)
Justin sat down for an exclusive interview at the Elvis Duran Morning Show at Z100 Studio where they replayed him an interview he gave back in 2009 saying while he thought Selena was pretty, he didn't *like* her.
Justin, blushing, tells Elvis:
"My life is pretty good right now, and she's just another blessing”
*full video interview here (x)
Justin appears on The Breakfast Club Power 105.1 for an interview and talks about his Staples Centre date with Selena and how that came about
(the interviewers are pretty inappropriate to him the entire time tbh)
*full video interview here (x)
November 17th:
Mariah Yeater sent a text Wednesday to a friend, begging him to erase an incriminating text in which her mom says someone OTHER than Justin Bieber is the baby daddy, and then promising to give him a cut of the action when she scores a payday.
*TMZ article here (x)
November 20th:
Justin and Selena attend The AMA’s together in Los Angeles and walk the red carpet, arriving and departing to and from the event in a white vintage Packard Super 8.
UsWeekly reported Justin serenaded Selena during AMA rehearsals:
"At one point Justin even sang 'I Feel Good' a la James Brown. They were totally adorable. They were snuggling in between takes, and he was serenading her! They look as in love as ever."
Selena and Alfredo were filmed dancing during Justin's performance
*DailyMail article here (x)
November 21st:
Justin and Selena went out for breakfast at iHOP, the restaurant where they were first spotted holding hands last December, with their one year anniversary right around the corner — they smiled for the cameras as they walked hand-in-hand out of the restaurant in Los Angeles.
“Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez had breakfast here at about 11 a.m. They were here for about one hour. They both seemed very happy and hungry. Selena had the double blueberry pancakes and Justin had two fried eggs, two waffles, bacon and potatoes. They left a very generous tip that was double the amount of their bill and said Happy Thanksgiving before they left!”
*full article here (x)
November 22nd:
Justin is photographed in the audience of Taylor Swift’s concert in New York City where he watched Selena and Taylor performing “Who Says” together
*photo here (x)
November 23rd:
Justin appears on The View to promote his album and he talks about Selena
*full video here (x) timestamp 2:33
November 23rd:
Justin appears on The Late Show with David Letterman and talks about Selena
*full video here (x) timestamp 8:45
November 25th:
Justin plays “Who Says” on Sirius XM while he was DJing songs “he was grateful for in 2011” (aired on the 25th)
November 25th:
Justin and Selena spent Thanksgiving in Selena's home town, Dallas, Texas, with Selena's family.
They went to watch The Muppets at the Landmark Magnolia Pictures Theater, after spending Thanksgiving with Selena’s family.
“It was just the two of them, they watched the movie with the general public. They were both incredibly polite and low profile.”
“Not too many people realized they were there because they came into the screening while the trailers were running,” the insider explains. “It was dark and people didn’t see them. When they came to the theatre complex, they were both holding hands. They looked really down to earth and very happy!”
November 29th:
Fans spot and photograph Justin and Selena hugging and walking around in Utah with Jaden Smith.
The three of them were later photographed by fans ice skating at Park City Mountain Resort, which later a staff member confirmed the photo was taken there:
“Jaden was doing some crazy one-legged stuff, I guess he really thinks he is the Karate Kid. They were laughing and joking with each other. Justin joked with Selena and tried to do a doubles routine at one point. It was all very playful. Everyone was in super great moods.”
*full article / photos here (x)
November 30th:
Selena stops to take photos with fans while ice skating, where you can see Justin in the background - the fan later posts it to instagram
December 6th:
Justin and Selena were spotted leaving Los Angeles airport earlier today and landed in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.
They were joined by Selena’s mom and stepfather Brian and on route to Selena’s friend Shannon Larossi’s beach side wedding ceremony.
*full article / photos here (x)
December 7th:
While waiting for Selena’s friend’s wedding, Justin and Selena hit up the beach in Cabo San Lucas Mexico and were spotted jet-skiing
*full article / photos here (x)
December 8th:
Selena and Justin attend and are photographed at Shannon’s wedding where Selena was one of the bridesmaids - she and Justin were photographed kissing on the beach
*full article / photos here (x)
December 9th:
Justin and Selena got in more tanning by the pool in Cabo before jetting off to D.C for Justin’s Christmas in Washington performance in Washington
*full article / photos here (x)
December 10th:
Justin and Selena are photographed arriving at Washington National Airport for Justin’s upcoming Christmas In Washington performance at The White House - the two stayed for 3 nights in the Presidential Suite at the Four Seasons Hotel
Justin and Selena visit and surprise the kids at Children's National Medical Center in D.C.Washington - Jacqueline Bowens, Executive VP of External Affairs of Children’s National Medical Center tells HollywoodLife.com exclusively:
“The kids loved them! It was a surprise for them. Justin spent quality time with all of the kids, talked to them, took pictures with them and sang to them. These are kids who are suffering from a range of illnesses such as cancer, blood disorders, orthopedic issues. None of them wants to be in the hospital…so they were beyond happy when Justin and the others arrived for their surprise visit!”
December 11th:
Justin and Selena are spotted out and about in Washington D.C before Justin is set to perform for the president.
Later that evening, Justin performs at the annual "Christmas in Washington" taping at the National Building Museum in Washington, D.C. - although Selena didn’t appear in any of the official event photos, she was spotted in the audience and took photos with fans
*full DailyMail article here (x) / full CBS article here (x)
December 12th:
Mariah Yeater’s ex-boyfriend speaks out, saying Mariah lied to seek $50k pay-day. In an exclusive jailhouse interview with RumorFix, Robert Powell says:
“She lied. We were both homeless and living in Oceanside [California] and Mariah was trying to make some quick money.”
So he says she made up the story and sold it to a tabloid for $50,000.
“She just picked him, because she thought he was famous and all and thought she could get a lot of money by telling the magazine Justin was the father. She just saw him as an opportunity to make a lot of money.”
*full article here (x)
December 14th:
Justin and Selena were seen leaving an event at L.A. Live with Ashley Tisdale in Downtown Los Angeles.
*photos here (x)
December 17th:
Justin and Selena attend Power 106 LA's Cali Christmas bash - Justin joined Drake on stage to perform "Trust Issues" during the show.
Selena abruptly left the venue and headed to be with her family after she received news of a family emergency.
*full article here (x)
December 18th:
Selena’s mom Mandy has tragically suffered a miscarriage - Selena has cancelled her concert after her mother sadly suffered a miscarriage. Citing a family emergency, Selena rushed to her mom, Mandy’s, side to comfort her.
*full article here (x)
December 20th:
Justin visits Selena and her mom Mandy in the hospital - the family are in mourning after Selena’s mother reportedly suffered a miscarriage the week prior
*DailyMail article here (x)
December 30th:
Justin and Selena are spotted at Hooters (not confirmed)
December 31st:
Justin and Selena are both in New York for each of their own work obligations where they are set to perform at - Justin performs in Times Square for 'New Year's Eve Rockin' Eve' and Selena joins Demi Lovato for MTV's live New Year's Eve special.
They meet up after each of their gigs for Justin's private NYE Party
*EW article here (x) / NYE party article here (x)
#jelena#selena gomez#justin bieber#jelena timeline#jelena masterpost#taylor swift#demi lovato#jaden smith#alfredo flores#scooter braun#Youtube#Instagram
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Racism - How does it happen and what can we do against it?
“I can’t breathe” - A black man is being held down aggressively and choked to death by a police officer. He is begging, calling out for his mother, telling the officer: “I can’t breathe”, over and over “I can’t breathe.”
The incident was filmed. I am sure, everyone reading this has already seen, at least parts of the video. It was a wake up call, a call to protests and riots, a call to a revolution in many countries, people mourning the death of George Floyd.
Sadly this is not a one in a lifetime thing. That act resulted from deeply ingrained racism, that is not only present in America, but almost all over the world. A stigma held up against people of colour. The question is, why is this the case?
It all starts with the human principle of saving cognitive resources. To make thinking easier, we like to put everything into groups, we like to think in boxes, it’s convenient and less complex for the mind. We see a fork, a spoon, a knife, and think: “cutlery”. We look at trees, flowers and grass and think: “plants”. It is human to group things. But we don’t only group the world around us, we even group ourselves.
So this is what happens: when people see a common trait, they group everyone who has that trait together. This means, a white person will see themself in the group of “white people” and a back person will see themself in the group of “black people”. But not only do we group ourselves, we also we deem these groups our “Social identity”, it is part of our self-concept. In our mind we have now created ingroups and outgroups. We are part of the ingroup, the people different from us, are part of the outgroup.
Creating groups in itself is not problematic yet, what starts to be problematic, is a favorization of the ingroup, which, if there is an identification with the ingroup, will come naturally.
An experiment was conducted, where college-students were asked a few questions, and were then grouped in “People who prefer Klee-Paintings” and “People who prefer Kandinsky-Paintings”. These are called “Minimal-groups”, they are purely cognitive. The ingroup members didn’t know each other, neither did they know the members of the outgroup. Still, the people preferred their own group. The students were given a task, where they had to choose how they would distribute certain amounts of money, to members of the ingroup and members of the outgroup. The students didn’t only favorize their own group, when it came to money distribution, they even chose the distribution, so that the difference between the amounts would be the biggest. For example: if they had the choice to give the ingroup 10$ and the outgroup 10$ or to give the ingroup 8$ and the outgroup 4$, they would have chosen the latter.
This happens in our daily lives as well, whether consciously or subconsciously, we prefer our ingroup, the one we identify ourselves the most with.
If a strong identification with the ingroup is given, motivational driven group comparisons start. People want the Ingroup to be superior, to raise their own self-esteem. If the comparison seems insufficient, the ingroup doesn’t live up the the standards there are a few possibilities on what an ingroup member could do:
First, they could leave their group.
Second, they could compete with the outgroup.
Third, they could change the comparison factor or change the outgroup they are comparing the ingroup with.
Or fourth, the worst scenario, they could actively hurt and put the outgroup down. During these comparisons, the individual identity of a person loses its importance and a groups prototype becomes more and more salient.
And during the comparison prejudice can be used to benefit the ingroup. Stereotypes are activated, and different types of discrimination are prevalent.
One type would be the creation of symbolic equality, which means giving a sense of equality while the outgroup is still neglected and ripped off some opportunities. Another would be reversed discrimination, by treating the outgroup a little better than the ingroup to keep a good image. And the last way would be blatant racial discrimination, just hate and neglect, basically what is happening between the police and black people in america.
A simulation study showed that police officers, no matter their gender or skin color tended to shoot at black people more often, even if they portrayed the same behavior as white people.
This implicates, that not only in- and outgroup comparisons are the problem, but maybe also personality traits.
Patriotism is a very strong trait found in America, and right winged autoriatism is predominant. Many people hold strongly onto social convention and subject to the states authorities. These people are generally more prone for prejudice against anything that is different.
Another trait would be the social-dominance-orientation, there is a wish for group hierarchy. People with this way of thinking want their group to have a fixed position in the organization of society, they look down on “lower status” or “concurrence” groups. An example statement for concurrence would be “The immigrants are stealing our jobs”, an example for Lower-class-thinking would be the grouping of all people of color as “thugs”. Now what is important to note, is that even with these traits, the prejudice itself comes from norms and social context - it is learned rather than a natural cognitive occurrence.
The question that still stands is: How can we lose these prejudices?
One way would be Individualisation. The way people look at “black” and “white” as homogenous masses makes them more prone for stereotypes and prejudice. Rather focus on individuals, humanize the masses by humanizing single members. This is why the video of George Floyd created such an uproar. By seeing his face, hearing his voice, witnessing his struggle, many people found themselves empathizing and humanizing with a victim of police brutality, rather than just mindlessly hearing a name or reading an article. When people put themselves in the shoes of someone else the social prototypes are less salient.
Another way to combat prejudice would be recategorization. Rather than looking at “black” and “white” One could start looking at “Doctors” or “Teachers” or “Electricians” or “Architects” - regrouping can help invalidating stereotypes.
The most important thing one could do is communicate. Open communication with outgroup members can lead to individualization and understanding. Finding common goals, the realization of being the same status and of no intended concurrence can lead to a creation of a new “we”, instead of “us” and “them”. People in high positions, authorities need to actively show that the groups are not too different and that the members are able to easily communicate.
A more straightforward way of fixing prejudicial thoughts, if individuals find themselves struggling with them, is the “Just say no”- principle. Some prejudicial thoughts come unprepared, instinctively. It is important to realize them and internally say “no”. On the other hand, when you find yourself surprised at something, at a broken stereotype, internally say “yes”. An experiment shows, that participants who followed these instructions for a few weeks showed less instinctive stereotyping.
In the end I want to talk about why I chose the phrase “Eat the racists” instead of something else (Stop the racists, fuck the racists, you name it). It is because I solemnly believe that people's attitude can be changed. I remember playing the game “snake” on my old nokia phone. It was about a small snake that had to eat the dots on the screen, and with every dot, it grew bigger. This is what I am picturing when I say “Eat the racists”. Eat them, and let them become part of our snake. I hope that makes sense? If it doesn’t, I’m sorry. I still hope you found this little essay informative (even though there are so many more things one could say about this topic - and trust me, it burned me to not write more, but this text is far too long already). And I want to thank you for reading all of this. I hope together we can make the world a little more inclusive.
#racism#anti racism#black and white#blacklivesmatter#blm#black lives movement#black lives matter#black lives fucking matter#i couldn't say it more clearly#psychology#social psychology#society
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Closure: The Story of My First Love
Ten years.
After 10 long years, I finally had my closure
I guess no one really knew the who, when, where, why and how of my first love.
Who was she?
When did it happen?
Where did I meet her?
How did I fall in love with her?
Why didn’t we work?
This will probably be a long read, so you might as well sit down in a comfortable place when you read this.
I guess, I should probably start from the beginning of my story.
I met my first love when I was on 5th grade. Funny, right?
"How can you say that you fell in love already at that age?", you might say.
She was just a transferee from who knows where. At that time, I never knew that she'd be one of my first and most painful heartbreak. I was so... innocent.
As THE friendly student, I always tried to be close with everybody. And surprisingly, when I met her, we got along really well.
She was such a crybaby, as far as I can remember. But, when she cries or when she gets mad, everybody shuts up and listens to her. Badass.
You see, I was raised strictly by my parents. I always had to focus on my studies, even after class. I rarely slacked off at home. I was always serious about examinations and studying.
But, when I met her, I learned how to loosen up. She made me see things in a way that I've never seen that way before. She made me appreciate all these little things, around me. She made me realize a lot of things. When I'm with her, I felt like I was myself the most. It was fun, having her around. She was always at my back, observing. She was the Hinata to this Naruto. LOL.
It was by the end of the 5th grade when I 'accidentally' knew she had a crush on me. I was visiting a friend of mine at lunchtime when I heard someone arguing at the visitor's area. When I went inside, I saw her infront of one of her friends, confessing that she has feelings for me. Her friend was teasing her and she was tearing up already. Right then and there, our eyes met, and she immediately cried, shouted and ran away from us. It was so funny... and cute at the same time; I thought.
No one has ever had a crush on me. Not ever. Or at least, told me they did. I always thought there were better... more good-looking guys than me. Why the hell would she ever had a crush on me? At that time, I was very blind and in denial.
After that event, everything became awkward between us. We rarely talked with each other. She always avoided me whenever I tried to talk with her. It was cute. Very cute.
It was not until the 6th grade when we started texting with each other. We talked, and talked. For hours. Every night. I remember using my mom's phone to text with her so I had to be sneaky as fuck.
I think my mom had an idea, because at one point, she caught a flirt-y-ish text she sent. She asked me later if I have a crush on someone from my class. I straight up denied my feelings and told her I wasn't 'crushing' on anybody.
Maybe I was scared. Until now, maybe I'm still a scaredy-cat. I never had the guts to tell my mom that time that I had a crush on someone, mainly because I thought of it as a distraction to my studies.
And still, after graduation, I asked her out.
"Do you want to be my girlfriend?"
This boi rushing.
So, guess what happened?
She laughed.
She just... laughed. And completely changed the topic. But, I never gave up. She said she wasn't ready for that. So, I made a promise with her. Cheesy as it may be, I told her my heart will always be hers. I even went as far as telling her, 10 years from that day... if she's still single, I would marry her.
Have you ever had that feeling? That rush. That strong beat from your heart, shouting: I want to be with her. So bad. I want to be there when she laughs. Or when she cries. I want to see her happy every time.
Is this what having 'butterflies in your stomach?' felt, I asked myself.
I was at the edge of the cliff... ready to fall. Ready to fall in love. But, she held me back. She pushed me back, rolling down the hill, and into a deep, dark, and cold sea. Eventually, things got cold between us. We entered high school, trying to forget what he had.
Fast forward to first-year high school. She and I were in the same class. There were a lot of amazing transferees, competing to be top of the class. Typical Asian setting.
The pressure to be at the top was immense since majority of the students who were in that class were elementary achievers. Valedictorians, salutatorians, and honor students. I was very occupied that year.
Throughout that year, she had a "friendly" relationship with this guy who I think had a crush on her. I could smell his intentions, reeking from his enormous nose. I'm sorry dude, if you are reading this. Hahaha. But I doubt that.
I was really jealous of him. She was blind about it.
He held her hands all the time, even when they're next to each other in class. She leaned on him, whenever she took a nap. They hangout after class before they go home. Go to recess together. They might as well kiss when they see each other first thing in the morning.
*sighs*
I think I did confront her about it, but we only ended up fighting. I convinced myself I was just terribly infatuated with her. The year ended, and the guy she was with left our school for personal reasons. I didn't care.
Summer 2013. I got a text from her. She was going to see her mom for a long time. We started texting each other again. It was only a matter of days when I found myself, falling for her again. You fragile motherfucker.
My shield was up. I'm clothed with armor. And she freaking drops good morning and good nights like freaking nuclear bombs.
Up until now, I've kept all of her texts in my old Nokia phone, that I can't charge anymore. I should probably get that deleted.
I saw her pictures online that summer. She looked so happy. She was an angel.
An angel of death, I mean.
I was so excited to see her on the first day of class.
I felt like my heart would burst the moment I see her.
*Kriiiiing kriiiiing*
The school bell rang. But, she didn’t show up that morning. I can overhear her close friends asking each other where she was. Maybe she didn't plan to go to school today, or maybe she wasn’t still here. I thought.
The morning classes continued that day and I couldn't help myself but think about her. I almost gave up from thinking about her when one of our classmates shouted.
Our classmate was looking at our school gate, screaming her name. She was late. Verrrrrrrrrrry late.
Everyone in our class stood up and looked outside the window. She was running across our school court towards the room. And when she entered the room, her friends came running towards her. Her best friend gave her a solid hug. I think she gave each and every close friend of hers a hug. She greeted everyone... except me.
Heh.
She didn't even look me in they freaking eye. I... couldn't approach her. The teacher tried to take control of the class, and our class resumed.
I think it was days after that, before we started talking again. But, it was just casual talk. Dull. Very dull. "Isang tanong, isang sagot" [One question, one answer], as we call it here in the Philippines.
I was so frustrated. I couldn't understand her.
Whyyy? I mean... whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???
I think it was three or four months after that when I learned that she was going out with someone, again. This time, she was going out with the cousin of the guy she called her "guy bestfriend" from first year. He was in our class, too.
This time, their relationship was very discreet. Everyone in our class knew. It was like a big slap in my face. I was beyond creepy at that time. I lowkey look at them sometimes when no one's watching me. Getting more jealous each passing time.
I was already thinking dozen of ways how to kill that guy. I was filled with... rage. I even fought the guy, over her. Now that I'm thinking of it, it was quite hilarious. I kept on telling the guy that she and I were in love with each other, but then he argued if we were really into each other, then why was she with him? And I... didn't know the answer, too. I stepped back. At that point, I asked myself.
Do I really look like just a rebound to her? Maybe I am.
Was she just using me? Maybe she was.
I was so confused. I thought we had something. Right then and there, I decided to give up. And move on.
Months later, they broke up. I didn't bother knowing why.
My friends kept on telling me to move on.
"Babae lang yan." (It's just a girl), they said.
But, she wasn't JUST a girl to me.
To me, she was indispensible.
Irreplaceable.
She was one of a kind.
I fear that I may never be able to find someone like her.
But, I had to. I had to start moving on.
The school year ended. We barely talked with each other. The only time we had interaction were during group works. And we had to be 'professional' about it. I was. And she was, too.
There were times when we had to do a stage plays. We often played as a broken married couple. There would always be a scene where we would fight each other. Typical husband-abuses-wife scene. She would cry. She was great at that. Convincing. It seemed like it was almost true when she cried. Everyone got swayed by her acting. And then, she would slap me. Really hard.
As an actor, of course, I had to be professional about it. But damn. Her slap stinged. It was as if it was filled with sadness... and anger. And I liked it.
Don't think weirdly about it. Haha. I didn't like-like it cause I was masochistic.
I liked it cause it was less painful.
It was less painful than what I was feeling deep inside. At least with her hand on my face, even for just a millisecond, I felt a response from her. She never replies or replied to my texts that year the way she did years ago.
You see, a slap in a face would sting. A strong slap in the face would make your head numb for seconds. But her slap... her slaps made my numb heart beat.
We completely ignored each other throughout 3rd year. Hell, I couldn't even remember a single memory of her that year. We never interacted beyond necessary.
Whenever I heard her name, it rings through my ear and into my heart, then pierces it like needles for acupunctures. And trust me, it wasn't therapeutic.
Summer 2014. Our high school life was nearing to an end. It was during this time when I started to reflect on the things I did during my high school year. And one of the things that I would say I wanted to resolve was my messy ‘relationship’ with her.
So... I started texting her again. I called sometimes. And, we talked about it. I even remember a time when my cousin caught me crying in their bedroom cause we were confessing and all that romantic shit. I looked like shit, I think.
I re-confessed my feelings for her. She reciprocated. And that time, I asked her... again. The same question I asked her 4 years ago to that day.
"Do you want to be my girlfriend?"
Guess what?
She laughed.
And then... she said yes.
My heart skyrocketed.
I couldn't comprehend what she just said. I feel like I was the luckiest guy in the world at that time. But, you'll probably get mad at me because of what you'll be hearing next.
After one week, I broke up with her.
Until to this day, I still didn't understand myself why I did it.
Was I trying to play her? No.
Was it because the thrill of the chase was over? No.
Was it because I wanted to hurt her? Maybe.
I couldn't explain myself. I kept on excusing myself with questions like: "Was everything worth it?" "Is she serious about this?" "What if everyone knew?"
Was I scared? Yes.
Did I think things through before doing it? Maybe not.
But, it is what it is. Of course, she got mad. I broke up with her two weeks before classes started. Unfortunately, we got separated into different classes on our senior year. And on one occassion, we confronted each other and said face-to-face that we didn't have feelings with each other anymore. But, I lied.
Seeing her rarely helped me forget about her every now and then. I eventually learned that a lot of guys were courting her, but I barely cared anymore.
Barely.
Seeing her, after I took a step back, it made me realize what a fool I am for letting her go.
Well, her friends did tell me to distance myself from her, if I couldn't commit. So I did. I think I wasn't ready for commitment that time. I was too preoccupied. Maybe I didn't want to be with anyone that time. I don't know. But I was an asshole for popping that question if I was that unsure.
Graduation day, her mom came back from Canada. I learned that she was going to be visiting Canada soon. And by visiting, she was going to take a VERY long vacation.
So, on the day of my birthday, I invited all of my classmates to my grandma's house to celebrate my graduation, too. I wanted her to come.
Almost all of my friends and classmates went, but she didn't show up.
It was nearly 7 ‘o clock in the evening. I called her. She said her mom was preparing for them to leave already and that she was busy.
She hung up on me.
I had no choice. I had the courage and audacity to call her mom, and invite her to come. I really wanted to see her.
(The reason why I have contact with her mom is a long story. But, we were close. I think. Hahahaha.)
Past 7PM, they showed up. Her parents met my mom and my family. And then, we left the scene to the rooftop.
My little cousins were playing around us. Observing. Meddling. They were curious who she was. I never brought any girl to our house before. And no girl has every visited our house past 7PM.
We ate supper. It was almost romantic, if only my cousing weren't there.
Eventually, they left us.
She was silent. I was, too. The lights were dim that night, but her face glimmered below the starry sky night. It was a very good night. I didn't see any clouds. I was so nervous.
This was the first time I was ever with her... alone, and no one watching.
Just the two of us.
I didn't know who would make the first move? I thought of talking, but I didn't know where to start. I didn't know what to say. I just looked at her, and she looked at me.
Right before I was about to start talking, my mom called us. They told me they need to leave already. I didn't get the chance to talk with her. Or even talk things properly.
They left that night, with me... hanging again... on a forgotten promise.
A year later, I was in college already. And we still talked with each other when she went to Canada. I kept asking her when is she coming back. She always lied about it. She never went back.
Throughout college, I still dreamt of her sometimes. Wishing she was back. But, I eventually forgot about her. There were a lot of times when she and I had "withdrawals".
Sometimes, I would tell her I miss her, and then she would leave me on seen. There are other times when she asked me if we still had a chance. And sometimes, we end up wondering on each other’s ‘what ifs’.
We couldn't seem to end our relationship.
Who knows? Maybe it was still possible.
But, she really broke me. She messed me up. I find it hard to find someone new, because I always assume that things would end up the same. Sometimes, I think I'll never love the same way again.
Two months ago to this date, I was really having a bad day. A bad week, even. Or maybe a bad month. This corona thing messed up my plans for the year. I mean, cmon... it messed up everything for us.
So, I was back in my apartment, resting... all alone. My roommate has gone home to our province, and I was spending my time alone. She messaged me on Facebook. I was pleasantly surprised. And I immediately told her, I wanted to video call her. Surprisingly, she said yes. It was midnight where she lived and it the sun was high here.
I called and she answered. She didn't look like what she looked like before. It was a very long call. We talked for hours, reminiscing about our relationship. What I did wrong. What she did wrong. What she really felt. What I felt about it. I even played her a song. Some of it were our favorites:
'Simpleng Tao' by Gloc 9
'We Could Happen' by AJ Rafael
'Girl Running Around In My Dreams' by Tyrone Wells;
and many more.
I had fun talking with her.
In the end, we talked about what mattered the most that time. Accepting that we have held onto something that can never happen anymore. At least at the moment. We decided to stay friends now, and I talk to her every now and then.
Looking back, I can say I learned a lot from that 'relationship'. And it's something that I wouldn't forget even to my death bed. I hurt her a lot. What we talked about for the rest of that day shall remain a secret for me and her.
If there's one thing I learned that I would like to share it would be:
“If you feel like you saw that special someone already, don't be afraid and seize the moment. Don't waste another time of yours of not being with that special someone.”
If you're still reading this to this point, thank you for listening to my story. You probably had a lot of time to kill. Well, I wrote this for myself anyway so I can look back at something in the future.
There were probably a lot of details I missed from the whole story. This was just my story, after all.
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Hunicast Rant
I’ve honestly been really bummed out- and frankly a little pissed at @vivziepop (not just her, she’s just the only one I know who has a tumblr) since I saw the Hunicast 1 year Anniversary thing yesterday. Why? Because they’ve added rates.
Now before I begin- I think these rates are a great idea. They get a lot of requests and the 10 dollar amount is a reasonable rate, that is a really good way to help them know which ones to read, that’s how it’s been for a very long time, and that’s what people got used to.
But suddenly she’s upped it to 20 dollars for a voice request out of nowhere- which, is a little pricey, but I guess after saving up for a while I might be able to afford it.
But 50 dollars for a song is fucking ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong- I definitely think songs should cost more- but 50 dollars?! In one little move she’s completely cut out all of her lower-income fans from donating. Allow me to elaborate-
I come from a very poor family, where every piece of technology we own, has been given to us. Our Ipad? Old one family didn’t want. My dad’s smartphone? He does marketing for work and his old Nokia-style phone was unreliable and he had to pay for every text. The laptop I’m writing on right now? Given to me as a present for my birthday, and even now it’s broken, but I have to keep it because it’s all I have, and I can’t afford one.
Vivziepop has put Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss on youtube- a free service, so anyone (including those in lower-income households) can enjoy it! Which is wonderful! But she’s completely made us feel worthless by rising her prices so high. Don’t believe me? Let me give an example-
My family eats organic foods and meatless-alternatives, which are more expensive than meat and non-organic alternatives. It costs about 100 dollars to feed 2 of us for about a month. Which means, essentially, to get maybe 1 verse of a song in character (if we’re lucky) I’m paying for my food for a month. I can only imagine how much food that would feed someone who doesn’t eat an alternative meal plan.
And raising the bar so high, makes people with a lower-income pretty much unable to to donate and get requests. We didn’t care when it was being chosen by the donator. Because, yeah, if you have a high-income and can afford to give hundreds of dollars/ect.- go for it! That’s fantastic! We’re happy Hazbin is getting so much money.
But because one of the CREATORS has set the bar so high- it makes me not want to donate at all. I was already kind of feeling like the 12 dollars I was scrounging up to donate wasn’t very much, but them putting the bar at 5x the amount I was able to for something so little, makes me feel even MORE insignificant.
I don’t want to donate to Hunicast at all anymore because they’ve made me feel like my money isn’t enough.
Fuck, even getting them to say a few words in character costs more than I can afford to give. It’s kind of like giving a homeless person a penny- like did you help them? I guess, but it feels kind of worthless because it’s not like they can do anything with it.
Essentially, I feel like giving my money isn’t worth it anymore. And I can’t be the only lower-income fan who’s upset? Frankly, I’ve been trying to save up my money to donate to them, but because of this change and this rise in prices it feels completely useless and if I can’t afford it, I’d rather not give them any money at all.
I know there’s gonna be people who disagree with me, but I honestly thing that Vivzie (and the others, I don’t mean to throw her under the bus-I just don’t know any of the other’s tumblrs, and I think this is important for her to know) isn’t taking her lower-income fans into account.
Anyways, thanks for reading this, I basically just needed to vent and wanted to know if any other fans felt the same way.
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Session 10
I never did a summary of our 10th session and we just had our 11th today. Anyway, here’s what happened in Session 10 (so much).
**
(Read more.)
Zira ( @heliocentricgeometric), Rhodey ( @rebaobsessions), and myself retrieved DJ (doxblogsstuff) from wandering out lost in the forest while clutching a boquet of flowers to entice Luna. Alas, Luna had already left for greener pastures to get to Bob.
Oh yeah, something else happened directly pre-this session but that’s a text rp thing. Anyway, Bob traumatized Tony. It was very bad but led to some sweet conversations.
It’s discovered Luna can turn into a rabbit.
DJ: A rabbit?
Zira: Yeah.
DJ: ...Why?
Zira: It just be like that sometimes.
DJ is wet from trying to throw water over Tony and Bob and only succeeding on getting it on himself and one of Tony’s shoes. Tony grabs a blanket from his bag of holding to dry him off.
@the-grey-hunt as DM: You're adventurers and you don't even have towels?
inu: I don't see towels in my inventory, I'm using a cloak.
reba: Tony’s being Dad(TM) at DJ.
There was mention of a cart in our last text RP.
DM: We don't have a cart, and I don't know why people keep thinking we do.
DJ tries hanging his clothes on a tree branch to dry.
dox: The boy's three feet tall so we all know how well that goes.
Zira tries to wake up Bob ( @thechaoticwave) and Luna ( @imagine1117) who fell asleep on the roadside.
Zira: Hey. Hey. Heyheyhey hey.
Tony’s being Tony and is just aggressively ignoring everybody.
Zira: Hey, Rhodey, I think Tony is avoiding his problems.
Bob and Luna wake up!
Sam: What's good?
Zira: Nothing is good! Ever! Let's go!
DJ, at Luna: You didn't tell me you could rabbit!!
Luna: I can rabbit?
Zira: Correct.
Zira is concerned about the party’s mental health!
Zira: I may not be legally a doctor...
Zira really wants us to talk things out now!
Tony: I don't think any of us are in the mood for emotionally fraught conversations.
Zira: I'm always in the mood for emotionally fraught conversations!
Tony does not engage in emotionally fraught conversations. Emotionally fraught conversations are not had.
thechaoticwave: Sam (Bob) flies over to Luna and just cats on her.
Zira has demanded a fairy tale/story from Tony, and he’s happy enough to oblige.
Zira, very quietly: ...stories......yay!
I tell a very long fairy tale I wrote during a backstory scene. it works out great and everyone likes it.
Later Zira tells everyone we can’t die.
Zira: It's illegal for you people to die. I just decided.
Luna: What's the penalty if we die?
DJ: She’ll aggressively mourn you until you feel bad and come back to life.
DJ gets a piggy-back ride from Rhodey for some reason that I can’t remember, which leads to a discussion on heights.
Zira: Your height is built on lies and Rhodey.
Zira: I'm average height for an aasimar.
Tony: Ehhhh, not...that average.
Zira: Well, I don't know! And how do you know anyway?
Tony (internally): Uh, shit.
Tony: I’ve met a few aasimar on my travels. They’re pretty obvious.
Zira: How tall are aasimar, then?
Tony indicates about his height or a little shorter.
Zira: That's...stupid. I like this height better.
That night Zira would like to contact Zaphkiel, her celestial guide.
DM: Zaphkiel is still charging his Nokia.
Gabriel has a Dream! He tries to find Mortimer, but doesn’t find Mortimer. He does find...Balthazar?!
DM describing new character: He looks a little more genuinely scruffy, but his shirt is still open almost to his bellybutton. it's so weird because your shirt doesn't have buttons, but his does and they're not done up.
We’re both really shocked to see each other, and it soon comes out that Balthazar is also in Othanzia with Hannah and has been for a while. And Gabriel’s family has broken apart since his absence.
Balthazar: If, on the off chance you are Gabriel, where the fuck have you been?
Gabriel doesn’t have any answers for Balthazar he can give beyond trying to tell him that he’s in Othanzia and somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
Gabriel: Briarbane?
Balthazar: Never heard of it.
Gabriel: EXACTLY
Gabriel tries to tell Balthazar what happened with Samael/Lucifer and two of their other missing siblings, but Balthazar doesn’t want to believe him, and Gabriel wakes up.
DJ tries making toast again that morning.
Helio: I need to know what the outcome was!
DM: 18. it's good toast.
Helio: FUCK
DJ discusses his bombs (I think?).
DJ: I'm not dead yet.
Zira: YET
Zira has plans to get Tony and Bob to talk to each other.
DJ (to Zira, who is walking away yelling at Bob and Tony): Are you sure you want to ignore Mom?
Tony and Bob are forced to talk to each other. thechaoticwave is absolutely fantastic at crying, and Tony feels really bad but he’s pretty firm on them needing answers or it’s not going to work out. And then leaves because he can’t deal with the conversation any further.
The next night Gabriel has another Dream and meets Joshua. Still no Mortimer, but Joshua? And Joshua is the only one still left at Gabriel’s old home. Everyone else has left. Some to explore the world and others (Michael, Raphael, and Naomi) to hunt down the Horned Crown.
It’s a calmer conversation than the one Gabriel had with Balthazar but no less upsetting. But he does learn a lot more about what’s happened since he left!
And the next day we finally reach the last dungeon of the opening module! And there’s...things. And a pit.
inu: Ae you just going to tell me it's a rope?
DM: No, there's things.
inu rolls a 5
DM: Ehh it's a rope!
We climb down a pit. Except JARVIS. He jumps and Rhodey manages to catch him but gets some damage while doing so.
Tony: I hope you've learned a lesson to not jump down pits and expect our fiances to catch us.
Rhodey: Am I engaged to JARVIS now, too?
10 sturgis attack us while we’re exploring!
thechaoticwave: 5 points of fire damage.
DM: 5?! That's all their hit points!
Tony goes off by himself and opens a door before Rhodey can stop him. There are 3 ghouls in it.
Rhodey is unhappy with this arrangement.
Reba: Is it possible for me to roll athletics to pick up Tony and move him?
Rhodey proceeds to shove Tony to the side to attack the ghouls.
Tony: RUDE.
Bob: hey ghouls, its me, ya boi.
The ghouls have the most ridiculous names.
DM: Thus ends Robtholomew.
Luna gets her poison spray cantrip in! And it hits!
...
The one time Luna's Poison Spray cantrip hits, the creature is immune to poison damage
imagine: Luna's gonna try and lob [the ghoul's] head off.
DM: Roll for beheading.
Later we enter a large hall filled with skeletons. Zira’s asking Zaphkiel for...something.
DM: [Zaphkiel]'s Nokia is at cell phone repair.
There’s a cool forge in one room! DJ and Tony both go to investigate before the DM even finishes describing the room. ...There are zombies.
They attack Tony and DJ.
Tony (to the zombies): First of all, rude. Second of all, fuck you.
Rhodey joins the fight and at one point...
Rhodey rolls a nat 1 but his strength is So Good and the undead's AC So Bad that Rhodey manages to hit it.
And DJ hits one with a quarterstaff!
DJ: Why, hello there! Would you like me to whack you? Yes, yes, you would.
Bob and Luna team up with a fire spell and a thorn thing and trap a lot of zombies. And that’s the end of Session 10! Session 11 saw us defeat the dungeon boss!
#d&d campaign#thechaoticwave#doxblogsstuff#imagine1117#rebaobsessions#the-grey-hunt#heliocentricgeometric
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437
How many...
... pets do you have? I have one that I count as mine, my dog. We also have a cat but it’s my sister’s. ... years have you been alive? It just turned to 21. ... bedrooms are in your house? Four. We used to have three but we renovated a part of the house to include a bedroom for my brother, who used to sleep in my parents’ room till he got too old to continue staying there. ... jobs have you had? Zero. ... jobs have you had at the same time? Also zero.
... times have you moved? I can’t tell you the real amount of times we moved because I was an infant for most of it. The times I was conscious, though, we moved twice. ... relationships have you been in? Two times, but it’s an on-off thing with the same person. ... times have you dumped someone? Haven’t done it. Zero. ... times have you been dumped? Hahahahahaha yeah I was the dumpee once. ... years of schooling do you have? I’ve been in school for 17 years so far. That’s like...almost illegal lmao...I have one year to go so that’ll be a total of 18 years, unless I decide to get my masters. ... sisters do you have? One. She’s younger than me. ... brothers do you have? One, also younger than me but I don’t talk to him anymore. ... cousins do you have? I have nine first-degree cousins. Four from my mom’s side and five from my dad’s. The number just grows exponentially from there; in the Philippines, anyone can be your cousin hahaha. ... cars have you owned? My family has owned five cars through the years. I have one but it was a gift from my dad so I don’t really count it as mine. ... pillows are on your bed? Two extra fluffy pillows.
... different colors of nail polish do you own? I don’t own any. ... kids do you want? I’ll probably keep it to three, but I’d be happy to have just one. ... cabinets are in your kitchen? (both upper&lower) Six. ... minutes away is the closest store? 10 minutes. ... minutes was the shortest commute to work you've ever had? 15 minutes, and this was because I overslept for something I had to be ABSOLUTELY ON TIME for. Promised myself I was never going to drive like a murderer again. ... minutes was the longest commute to work you've ever had? Probably two hours? There was one time I left the house at 8:30 for my 10-11:30 class, ended up arriving at 11:45 and missed the class anyway. It was my first cut in university ever. ... different towns/cities have you lived in? I’ve only ever lived in Manila before settling in Antipolo. ... other people do you live with? Four. ... texts do you send on an average day? Too many. I mainly use text to talk to people so. ... piercings do you have? Two, but I damaged the other one so I don’t really...~use my piercings anymore. ... tattoos do you have? None. ... times have you been pulled over? Twice. Both times I changed lanes when I wasn’t supposed to, but thankfully the officers were also nice both times and just let me go. ... houseplants do you have? I don’t take care of plants. ... chairs are at your kitchen/dining room table? It’s a six-seater. ... different colors are you wearing right now? Two. Black and white. ... keys are on your keychain? Car key and house key makes two. ... living grandparents do you have? Three. I wish I still had four. ... lamps are in your bedroom? I have one super small night lamp but I never use it since I prefer it to be completely dark when I sleep. ... hours of sleep did you get last night? Ugh, long night last night. Gab and I had to work overtime and ended up sleeping at 3:30 AM, but we had to wake up at 8 since I needed to take her to her friend’s house to do more work. I passed out when I got back home from driving her. ... times have you been to a restaurant in the past month? Oh pretty often I would think. Gab and I eat out several times a week. ... bills do you pay? None...yet. ... different colors have you dyed your hair? Zero. ... best friends do you have? Two. ... coats do you own? I don’t need coats. ... times have you been admitted into the hospital? Other than when I was born, two I think? One when I had a diarrhea emergency as an infant and the other when I had a dengue scare. ... analog clocks are in your house? One, in the dining room. ... cell phones have you had? Seven. I had two classic Nokia phones, a Sony Ericsson flip phone; an emergency phone when the flip phone started to give up; two iPhone 5S and my current iPhone 8. Obviously phones don’t last with me haha. ... TVs are in your house? Four. ... dresses do you own? Too many; I love wearing dresses casually. ... countries have you been to? Six, all around Asia. ... times has your car broken down? Thankfully, zero. ... hours do you work per week? No work. ... pairs of shoes do you own? I’d say a little more than ten? I have several pairs of sneakers and flats but I don’t really count how many I have. ... times have you been drunk? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA ... weddings have you been to? Four that I remember.
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On Telephones
Carrie Fisher once said to, “Take your broken heart and make it into art.” I don’t know if she ever found a way to mend a mangled heart--one that can’t will itself to make any art right now--but if anybody has got something better than slamming a two buck chuck while laying on the floor of your dorm room, listening to Julia Jacklin’s cover of “Someday” by the Strokes for the ten millionth time, while going between six different tabs on Glassdoor of jobs you didn’t get while waiting for inspiration to ding like the semi-hourly email from Sur La Table, reminding your newly single ass that “love is in the air” and while it is you can take an extra forty percent off all clad cookware, I’d like to know. All of this is happening on my phone, which I’m trying not to look at right now and am failing miserably at because I’ve spent the last ten years slowly becoming more and more addicted to and reliant upon it. I’m not sure I could go twenty seconds without checking my Instagram feed, and I can assure you that unless the little blue dot on my map app moved with me, I wouldn’t ever get to where I was going. (Have you tried to ask somebody on the street recently where something is? Everybody’s got their headphones in). Remember when phones were just phones and all they did was call people? I do… vaguely. I remember using my stubby, bitten down middle school fingernails to pull up the antenna of my 90’s Nokia, plopping down on the floor in the living room of our house in Omaha and calling everyone in my mom’s address book and tell them I had a cellphone and if I needed to be reached personally, I now could. I remember my mom walking into the room and asking what I was doing, so I told her. I was on the phone with our next door neighbor, Doris Helfrich. My mom pulled the phone out of my hand and apologized laughing it off. I was too old to be doing stuff like that. Twelve or thirteen maybe, but I’m amazed there was a point in my life when talking on phone was a source of anxiety. This is due to the pressure of trying to make a good first impression, which I’m bad at to begin with. I’m one of those people you need to meet at least eleven times before they can form an honest opinion about me. There’s even more pressure over the phone, because there is nothing to go on other than my voice. This wasn’t something that I noticed until I got older and became slightly more perceptive and self conscious of it. I personally have no problem with it, however, in recent years it has come to my attention thanks to the groundbreaking observation of several of the men I’ve gone out with that I sound, “nervous” (In my defense, I’m usually burning the candle at both ends and my voice is shaking because I’m jacked up on an insane amount of coffee.) Or they say I sound scared or sad or angry. My absolute favorite though,came from this idiot I am crying over who told me,“You sound like a California girl.” Because apparently I talk slower (I’m assuming he meant I had a super cool laid back, So-Cal surfer drawl) and because I say “like” a lot (I do, but it’s usually because I’m trying to find the right way to say something. I’m not sure why taking my time to choose my words carefully needs to be pointed out to me as if it’s a bad thing.) But I’m cool and I quote from my favorite Valley girl, saying, “Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man,” or some other joke that fits the comment. The smart one’s laugh and move on. The dumb ones ask, such as said idiot ask, “Why do you use comedy to distract from insecurities?” Truth is I didn’t have any until idiot dudes started pointing them out to me. I hate to admit I let something that stupid get to me, but whenever my phone rings now there’s this sense of fear that the voice on the phone doesn’t match the person I am, and the takeaway will be what I sound like, not what I’m trying to say. The next phone I got was a burnt orange Sidekick, which meant I could finally text people instead of having to call them. Not that I knew anyone to text. Certainly, the sixty-year-old neighbors I called on my Nokia didn’t know how to text or didn’t. But I meet people at school, those people invited me to parties where I meet more people. Those people and I talked for a while and if general teenage awkwardness (because let’s be clear: teenagers were socially awkward long before phones started making them that way) or my inability to form a sentence without sounding like an idiot didn’t ruin the conversation we’d exchange numbers so we didn’t have to talk with our mouths anymore. I distinctly remember a two week period in high school where I met a dude at a party, told my friend to give him my number, lost my phone for two weeks (totally content with never seeing it again) only to find it with an eighty-nine percent battery life and three texts from the boy my friend gave my number to. And really there are two things that are amazing about this. The first is that there was a point in my life where I went two weeks (336 hours, 20,160 minutes) without looking at my phone and that there was a point in my life where I truly didn’t care if the dude from the party texted me. Right after the party, or at all. What happened to her? Fourteen years old in that cocktail dress my mom bought me last minute from Forever 21, standing along the back wall of a dark high school gym, the bass rattling my chest. There was a point in my life where the loudness of it all didn’t freak me out. There was something almost kind of meditative about it. Not the people or music. There is absolutely nothing meditative about being surrounded by teenagers in varying stages of puberty (and yet somehow simultaneously, at the peak of it), dancing to “Apple Bottom Jeans” by T-Pain and screaming “REMEMBER FIFTH GRADE?!” or singing out of key to “Fireflies” by Owl City and screaming “REMEMBER SEVENTH GRADE?!” or little circles of light from a disco ball spinning around your head like someone knocked out in a cartoon. I stood along the back wall of the gym, closed my eyes and focused on the bass until I forgot all the lyrics and all the people around me. If I were twenty-one then I’d have pulled my earbuds out of my clutch and put in my music, Jon Brion or Aimee Man or the Velvet Underground, and slow danced with myself. Unfortunately, I was fourteen. I didn’t know who Jon Brion or Aimee Man were and I didn’t go to the dance alone. For some reason, I decided to go with a bunch of girls who were appalled by the sight of grinding. I was appalled by them being appalled by people who made different choices than they did and decided to call my parents to pick me up an hour into the dance. “Already?” My mom asked though I’m not sure why she was surprised. I always left the party early. As I sat waiting on a concrete bench outside, a girl ran out of the building like Cinderella and the clock was inching toward midnight. She was wearing a powder blue ball gown that looked more prom in the ’50s than a homecoming in 2013 and she was bawling her eyes out, mascara and eyeliner streaking down her face. She sat down on the opposite end of the bench from me. There were about twelve identical benches around us, but she sat on mine for some reason. From what I gathered between sobs into her cell phone she and her boyfriend had just broken up because he had and cheated on her with another girl, who he had taken to homecoming instead of her. Back in my dorm room in 2019, in between Julia Jacklin songs, I started to binge-watching videos by Thoraya Maronesy where she challenges people to call their crushes and ask them out on a date, or asks what the kindest thing they’ve ever been told and there was one video titled, “Who's 1 stranger that you still remember?” And as I watched this video, I tried to think about a stranger I remembered meeting and only one that came to mind was this girl on the bench. And the only thing I remember feeling at that moment was disgust. Because I didn’t understand why she would cry over someone like that. I didn’t get it when I invited him to a lit series I was asked to read at. I’m scared of talking to one person, the thought of standing in front of fifty hipsters in Carhartt beanies who are all tastefully one drink into the evening, armed with big vocabularies and ready to critique me is terrifying. It’s not like Iowa where if you screw up people won’t remember it because they’re not paying attention, won’t remember it because they’re five beers in, or will remember it but love you enough to make it into a joke they’ll tell at your wedding, to your children when they are old enough to get it, and put in your obit. To my surprise, they were all incredibly nice and he was the asshole. I took his judgment of shaky voice and my word choice as honesty. I let him rip into the poets that read the whole walk back to the train, only meekly interjecting with, “At least they’re writing poetry.” I let him call me cute and mansplain the intricacies of his book on finance and politics. I didn’t get it until I made dinner for him (which took well over the estimated hour cook time, because I, in fact, do not know how to operate an oven) and he told me that he was seeing three other people while I was home over winter break. Over break. When he was calling me every other night to tell me he missed me, I was dipping out of dinner early, laying on the landing of the staircase of my parents place or pacing around the freezing garage floor talking to him for an over hour. Because who calls anymore unless they really like you? Only then did click and I finally got it. Heartbreak is a sixteen year old who--for the first time in her life--finally feels like Nora Ephron didn’t completely lie to her, only to have that feeling stripped away by some stupid thing some boy told her. Because a woman well versed in her past mistakes and a man well versed in his didn’t write the right words for that asshole. Heartbreak is a big blue dress that directly juxtaposes the era. That you write off as being delusional or dated, but secretly gives you hope that slow dance still happen, that late night telephone conversations between two people still exist, and still mean more than what is said during them. Heartbreak is mascara running all down your face and no one chasing after you when you leave the party. And let me tell you, that kind of heartbreak looks much better on a sixteen-year-old girl at homecoming than on a twenty-something sitting alone at her kitchen table, with a botched TJ’s lemon chicken sitting in front of her, still a little raw in the middle. I glance down at my phone, trying to convince myself it was to check the time instead of Snapchat, or Instagram. It’s the time of night I would have called him and I debate calling my mother, but I’ve already called her. She likes breaking news, not this repetitive, 24-hour loop of a relationship I prefaced with, “Don’t get used to hearing about him. It’s not gonna last.” I know she will be a hundred percent honest with me. She’ll tell me to wipe the snot out of my nose, splash some cold water in my face and get over it. So instead I call my grandma because I want to talk to somebody that will pretend to care and she is scarily upbeat and gets wildly off topic. She will save me. Or distract me. Maybe they’re the same thing. As soon as she picks up, she tells me about how my uncle Rob was in Chicago for a Navy conference. “But only for two days,” she says as if to avoid offending me. As if I would be furious to find out he didn’t want to spend the few free hours he had in his tight schedule to see me. She told me he left his Navy blues or whatever you call them back in DC where he sometimes works, or in Sicily where he is currently stationed. I forget where she said he left his Navy blues because I wasn’t listening to her tell me how he ran all over town on his lunch break, acquiring pieces of a uniform from thrift stores and getting them tailored to fit him before dinner that night. Where nobody was the wiser, save the two men he asked had a spare necktie. I didn’t stop to consider how beautiful that was--how it could be a short story. One I could’ve been writing if I wasn’t preoccupied with things not working out with the guy I was seeing. My grandma, now picking up on my not so subtle crying, tells me in an uncharacteristically flat, matter-of-fact tone, “It works or it doesn’t,” before telling me to link up with my mom’s second cousin who lives two streets down on Michigan Avenue. That I should consider writing him a letter. Maybe network a little. I write down his address, toy with the idea of writing a letter, but hang up when my grandma starts telling me to “network” with people. A few hours after my conversation with my her, no further into my homework or a story about my uncle, I go from break up songs to love songs when “Big Me” by the Foo Fighters pops up on my recommended list. I’d heard the song before, but I had never really listened to it. Some people say it’s about a fight this guy has with his girlfriend and the line, “If we can get around it/I know that it's true.” Meaning, if it’s the real deal, they’ll figure it out together. Some say that lead singer, Dave Grohl, simply meant it as a corny love song for his wife at the time, some insist it’s about dealing with the loss of Kurt Cobain. I don’t know. I wasn’t in the state of mind to analyze it, so I let the music video inform the brilliant and infuriatingly vague lyrics. The music video for “Big Me” parodies a Mentos commercial, aptly renaming the mint candy “Footos.” In it, Grohl, the band, and several actors (who, if not ripped off of the set from an actual Mentos commercial we’re perfectly cast as being the kind of people that could be in one), encounter a series of minor a setbacks. A woman gets parked in by a self-centered businessman, Dave Grohl gets cut off by an angry lady in a limo, and a kid is kept from getting into a Foo Fighters concert. After a moment of contemplation as each tries to figure out how to deal with the situation they are confronted with, they have this sort of “Ah-ha!” moment, before popping in a “Footo,” smiling at the camera and coming up the solution that has been there all along. The band picks the car out up of the parking spot so the lady can get out, Dave Grohl befriends the woman in the limo that cuts him off and give her a Footo, and the kid is able to sneak into the concert and play with the band. It’s equal parts funny, stupid and feel good and I can’t help but smile when I watch it. I text my brother a link to the video and tell him that I’m having one of those nights where I look at Dave Grohl and think, “Alec could do that.” I pause to explain that, “I don’t know exactly what I mean by that.” But I tell him have fun making that EP he and his band are making. I listen to the song fade out and check my phone, wishing I could pop in a Mento, choose happiness and figure out how to fix myself when I think of one last number I can call. I get up off the floor, walk over to my desk and slide the poem my mom gave me out from under the chip clip holding it to my picture frame. The poem was her dad’s. It’s titled “Don’t Quit,” and when I’m close to quitting I read the poem. When I want answers to questions I flip it over to the phone number written on the back under the name D. Imer. I have no idea who he might be is or what it might means. I open my phone, dial the number, and stop just short of calling. Not because I care about what the person on the other end will think of me or my voice, but because I don’t want to ruin the illusion I’ve created. Deep down I know it will not redirect me to a secret telephone line that will give me answers to all my questions.
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Riverdale Liveblog 3x06, Manhunter
Will I be sending Archie a fruit basket after this episode? We’ll see!
I’m feeling the Sandra D vibes a lot right now
Another gang that looks more fun than the Serpents!
RIVW? Riverdale...Investigative...Ventricular...Worldcast
Dilton died so that all of his peers who ignored and belittled him his whole short life could have sex in his secret bunker
Look at Fangs laughing at his attempted murderer’s joke. Acceptance
That was a really cool camera angle though. Hats off to Rachel Talalay
Poor Josie :(
Warden Norton was the RROTC instructor eh? And Keller and Major Mason were in RROTC together...I’m just going to randomly say that Mason’s the Gargoyle King. IDGAF that he’s not in the Midnight Club
Archie’s a Serpent now? Mmmmm, sounds fake.
I’m just soaking up all the background Keller. Mmmm, that flannel. Lol, fuck you, Marty.
Casey’s name appearing while Martin is onscreen is beautiful
Semi living for Penelope/Daryl in place of Cheryl/Dilton. And wow, Dilton had this whole tragic backstory that we never got to know about! Also, this in violation of Issue 7 of the Riverdale comic!
“The Last Resort” youth hostel? Love it
I love this Doug Jones lookalike
So three people (including Archie’s own mother) poured over all this footage and files for a whole summer and never noticed that edit? Mmmm, okay. Sure.
Hiram’s painting of himself is beautiful
Don’t take this out on Kevin! And I noticed that change in phones! Breakup with Samsung, eh? Where’s the clickbait article about THAT? And while I don’t have an iPhone, I think I’d punch someone who tossed that overly expensive piece of hardware at me like it was an old school Nokia
I’m living for this Hardy Boys vibe though. It’s everything that I’ve ever wanted for Kevin
OH MY GOD. GO EASY ON JOAQUIN. SHEESH. But also Joaquin being bound and gagged and restrained is....thanks, RAS. I never thought I’d get to see him interacting with other Serpents so this is a strange boon. Now he just needs to get cleaned up and back into their ranks or something. I dunno. I don’t take any betrayals on this show that seriously. Because the show doesn’t
KEEP. MY. DILF’S. NAME. OUT. YOUR. MOUTH, HIRAM. Homicidal. Sheesh. Yes, RIP Svenson, but that was a fuck yeah moment at the time
I swear if this precious Doug Jones lookalike dies because of this investigation, I’ll throw a table. He’s too pure and creepy
Oooo, fuck, yeah, I’m here for this Keller scene. Goddamn, those fucking arms. Did he get a new tattoo since that iconic shirtless scene? His arms are just...entrancing. “Son of a gun” lol, well that’s where Kevin gets it from. So proud of Keller remembering investigative things.
Oh, jesus. I take back the things I said about Keller and Minetta being similar. At first yeah, and then there were things here and there distancing them. But this is finally the biggest step
Kevin! How dare you hesitate to save someone! I’m disappointed in you!
...
...
...
I’M FUCKING DELETING MY FUCKING BLOG
What a fun parallel. Archie/Kevin and Tom/Fred teamups! I’m soaking up these concerned dad feels
RIP Cassidy’s friend. You’ll live on in IMDB Shadow Lake Boy #2!
Kevin has such a weird bias against “criminals”. And yet who accepted money to go vandalize another part of town? Which is a CRIMINAL ACT. I do not like this side of Kevin. I was hoping the classism would be worked on instead of just growing more
This Scream homage is the best thing this show has ever done
A KELLER HUG. THE RAREST OF TREATS! This episode is back in my good graces. Barely. THAT NECK GRIP! Why did my home computer have to fucking blitz out on me. And damn, those blood spots. Hard to get out of denim
ALICE. WHAT?!?! I’m fucking laughing because this is such an obviously bad decision. I love that they just fucking appeared.
The Jarchie roadtrip is finally happening! Fulfilling the broken promises of pre-season 1
“Looked down on” is a funny way of rephrasing “blackmail”
SMH that this whole episode was named Manhunter, and they never did a Hannibal scene
ANYWAYS, RAS can catch my hands and my shoes and whatever else I pelt at him.
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Episode 2 - E.E. Evans Pritchard
Episode link - https://open.spotify.com/episode/0LqJQ1q2kv5utkoct7V8Cg?si=485ef5c24837440e
John
I’m looking out over the plains of what was once Nuerland. The heavy clay earth is broken apart by the relentless sun. Deep cracks and the threaded depressions of rivers which rarely fill, even in the rainy season, are the only features on the dead flat, almost alien landscape. Around me cattle rest on the slightly (We hear gentle mooing) elevated sandy spot I found for my desk. From here I can see clear to the horizon where I spot sporadic patches of trees but all other greenery has browned and died back months ago. What these cows are living off is beyond me.
In years past the sodden clay retained water allowing certain plants to survive through the dry months. When the rain came this whole plain would be covered in grass reaching over my head as I sit behind my desk. Near the rivers edge they’d reach up to my shoulders even when standing. The rivers would fill then overflow making the whole plain a marshy swamp. At times like those this sandy mound would be prime real-estate and i’d be sharing space with far more cows.
Nowadays, this is South Sudan. The rainy season has become more sporadic and unpredictable. Often the relief of rains arrival is followed - shortly - by overwhelming flooding. Right now people are still waiting on that rain.
(we hear the wind starting to pick up)
The wind is picking up. A cloud of dust is rising on the plain. The horizon, with it’s sporadic trees and the cracked earth disappear from view behind a wall of air thick with clay. I can see about two cows away. Out of the dust emerges a figure. They’re walking towards me.
This is notes from the field desk.
Theme
oh! you. Look after what you told me in Papua new guinea I don’t think we should be talking. What are you doing here anyway? -
what do you mean am I following you? I am here by chance. My flight back to London from Brisbane got diverted because of technical fault with the plane and we landed in Juba. So there is no way I could have followed you here. If anything you’re probably followed me!
(sigh) Fine, I suppose there is no harm in you sitting here. There’s a tree stump just there you can listen to me record if you want. That is if you’re not busy organising a coup or whatever.
Anyway, when we got grounded in Juba I had a look through my collection. Oh, I should explain, I travel with a trunk of the one hundred most influential ethnographies, that’s what we call the books anthropologists write.
Side note, I never thought the trunk would be a problem, in all these Ethnographies they talk about getting porters to carry all their stuff, but when I asked at the airport for a porter, they just laughed at me?
Anyway, we were grounded a while before they cancelled the flight. So I had a look and it turns out another anthropological founding father did research in South Sudan. E.E.Evans-Pritchard. Or as I call him EEEE Pritchard. Okay well look, I don’t even want you to find my jokes funny so you just sit there rolling your eyes all you want.
Evans-Pritchard was a student of Malinowski at LSE and in the late 1920’s he set out for what was then Anglo-Egyptian Sudan. He wrote a couple of Ethnographies about the Azande which mostly focused on magic, kind of an obsession with early anthropologists. Then he headed south in 1930 to do research on the Nuer, which focused mostly on politics. A good hard subject we can get our teeth into! Anglo-Egyptian Sudan came Sudan in 1956, then split into the mostly Muslim North and mostly Christian South in 2011. Then in 2021 I arrived to do some peer-reviewing. I’m hoping Evan’s Pritchard is a bit less of a controversial figure so my students will get off my back.
(phone rings) ignore that, i’m ignoring, that’s nothing.
(Clearly still flustered) Okay, last time, we talked about the two sides of anthropology, the field and the desk. If Malinowski represents the innovation of field, you know participating in society, going native, spending years in the field. Then Evans-Pritchard is the OG anthropologist who developed the desk. Anthropology trades on being able to create a sense of being there through vivd description, where Malinowski could be a bit stiff and scientific Evans-Pritchard had a bit of flare with his flowing prose.
Is that cow looking at me? That one there with huge horns. I swear to god it’s looking at me.
Anyway, EP, I like calling him EP when I do he feels like a friend. (clear throat) He made drawings, he took tonnes of pictures, he described the plains, some of his diary crept into the ethnography. No racism as far as I could tell but He talks about being frustrated, he shows his work. A move towards modern anthropology. So reading his The Nuer, which is the ethnography he wrote about this region, is really like the experience of being here. Way less of a slog than boring old Malinowski.
(Email Chime)
Ohh an email, do you mind if I just check this? I just got assigned a student whose thesis i’m supervising. Very exciting. Shaping the next generation of anthropologists and all that.
okay, here we go.
“Dear Professor Johnson”
Not a professor but i’m quite pleased with that.
“I discussed briefly with Susan, uh-huh, during the introduction lecture that I’d be interested in researching the club scene, queer identity and youth in London. I’ve been reading tony Adams and Stacy Holman Jones on Auto-ethnography and that’s inspired me to try it myself. If you could point me in the direction of some readings to get myself started with.
All the best,”
I’ll leave their name out of it, bit of privacy. Hmm well i’m not sure about that. I mean really ethnography should be done in a rural place, not the city, should they even be doing research in the UK? This is anthropology not sociology. Plus auto-ethnography? I’ve never heard of it but we’re supposed to be studying the other not ourselves, this isn’t psychology. Hmm well I need to think about a reply, don’t want to stamp on the young fellows aspirations but he needs setting straight.
What is that cow doing. Is it - it’s coming over here isn’t it. Shoo, shoo! it’s licking me. Do something don’t just laugh. No do not nibble my suit! Argh. This suit cost a lot of money cow! Get off me. Shoo. Fine, i’m getting up. it’s your desk now!
Go on get out of here!
You know what happens now because you wouldn’t help me? We’re going to talk about theory. Yes groan away, there isn’t even a sea for you to paddle in this time so I guess you’ll just have to sit down there with the cows and listen.
This book actually is mostly about cows. All three hundred pages of it, I don’t think there is a single sentence that doesn’t mention cows or cattle or I don’t know bovine. I mean I like cows as much as the next englishman but it’s not exactly thrilling. But in fairness to Evans-Pritchard the Nuer didn’t exactly give him a choice. He said that
“whatever subject I would start on, and approaching it from whatever angle, we would soon be speaking of cows and oxen, heifers and steers, rams and sheep, hegoats and she-goats, calves and lambs and kids.”
Basically the Nuer loved cows. He said this fact was the underlying structure of Nuer society. So everything in Nuer society comes back to cows. Love, war, religion, politics, it was all about cows.
Our boy EP is a structural functionalist, - look the terms are important so just get used to it - meaning he thought there are underlying structures to all societies, that cause us to behave in a certain ways. Where Malinowski and functionalism thought post hoc ergo propter hoc - I can see you rolling your eyes, sometimes latin is useful! (deep sigh) Fine, i’ll explain it another way.
Malinowski would say the Nuer like cows because they give them milk - our boy EP would say okay but why love cows instead of say… soy beans which can also give you milk. It’s because the conditions the land in which the Nuer live aren’t good for growing soy beans, but they are good for raising cattle.
What would be a good comparison. Okay, Malinowski would say you like your iPhone because it gives you messages from friends. Those messages make you feel nice, so it fills a need. And EP might say, yes that’s true but it’s also possible that you like the phone because the underlying structure of Western society values objects especially expensive ones. Or else you’d have a nokia 3310. It still fills the same function but EP aims to explain why people choose one thing over another. If you’re a quote fan here is how Evans-Pritchard put it.
“Although the Nuer have a mixed pastoral-horticultural economy their country is more suitable for cattle husbandry than for horticulture, so that the environmental bias coincides with the bias of their interest and does not encourage a change in the balance in favour of horticulture.”
Oh there is a guy over there! (Shouting) Hey! Hey sir! Sir! Who do these cows belong to? Sir? (Biggish pause) (Snort in distance) He’s gone. Well I didn’t have time to chat anyway, i’ve got a tutorial. Just keep that cow away from me while I’m teaching. I doubt you care but here’s a Nuer song that Evans Pritchard translated.
Extract
The wind blows wira wira;
Where does it blow to?
It blows to the river. The shorthorn carries its full udder to the pastures;'
Let her be milked by Nyagaak;
My belly will be filled with milk. Thou pride of Nyawal,
Ever-quarrelling Rolnyang.
This country is overrun by strangers;
They throw our ornaments into the river;
They draw their water from the bank.
Blackhair my sister,
I am bewildered.
Blackhair my sister,
I am bewildered.
We are perplexed;
We gaze at the stars of God.
White ox good is my mother
And we the people of my sister. The people of Nyariau Bui.
As my black-rumped white ox. When I went to court the winsome lassie,
I am not a man whom girls refuse. We court girls by stealth in the night,
I and Kwejok Nyadeang.
We brought the ox across the river,
I and Kirj oak
And the son of my mother's sister Buth Gutjaak.
Friend, great ox of the spreading horns,
Which ever bellows amid the herd. Ox of the son.
Return from tutorial
You let the cows eat my notes!? I thought I said watch the cows! What happened? Was it that same cow again? What do you mean they all look the same, the one with the evil eyes!
Okay, so it seems like I missed some things again. The students pointed out that on page one of the preface, I might have skipped the preface, says “My study of the Nuer was undertaken at the request of, and was mainly financed by, the Government of the Anglo-Egyptian Sudan.” Which means the colonial government most likely paid for him to do the research because they wanted to control the Nuer. He describes them as violent willing to go to war over cattle at the drop of a hat. In text he says;
“At the present time cattle are the main cause of hostility
towards, and suspicion of, the Government, not so much on
account of present taxation as of earlier tax-gathering patrols
which were little more than cattle raids and of the avowedly
plundering expeditions of the Egyptian Government era that
preceded them.”
The students pointed out that given theat the government violently took their property, it was kind of understandable that the Nuer were angry. Again, if he was there trying to collect information so the colonial officers could control them, can we trust his findings?
During the second world war he used his ethnographic relationships to recruit Sudanese troops who he then led in Guerrilla warfare against the Italians. I said that sounds pretty cool right? Which made them angry, academic knowledge shouldn’t be used as a weapon to manipulate people into fighting in a war, which, regardless of the outcome would leave them colonised. They asked why we were spending so much time focussing on old men.
(Phone rings) Ignore that!
Pause takes a breath
I said fine, but we have to cover foundational figures who would they rather cover? What about Boas? He thought races were biological different and with some inferior to others. Ruth Benedict? They say she wrote a book for the US army in the Second World War about how to defeat the Japanese based on their culture without ever setting foot in Japan. Fine, Margret Mead? Exoticised the sex lives of Samoans and thought they were primitive.
I’m taking off this jacket it’s so hot and it’s got cow slobber all over the shoulder.
Well if all of them were racist then let’s just pack the whole thing in! They said I wasn’t understanding. I was thinking about racism as an individual failing caused by ignorance. But they weren’t ignorant, their racism was a product of society. In that way Evans-Pritchard was right. They lived during colonialism and the rise of the nation state. Which meant Nations had to justify their difference from others and their superiority over others.
People had to have a reason to believe in “Being British” rather than French or Sudanese. Or why would you think it was okay to rule them? Or to enforce boarders? These ideas of superiority and difference permeated the early anthropologists the same way the utility of cow herding led to the Nuer loving cattle. So everyone from that era was bound to be Colonialist.
They also said It doesn’t help that doing fieldwork confirms the differences between people. My head felt like it was going to explode. Still trying to figure it all out and it doesn’t help that that cow is still looking at me. I asked where they were getting all this from? Lentin and Visweswaren they said, apparently it’s on the reading list… I haven’t read the reading list.
(Phone rings once but he immediately hangs it up)
So, they said maybe next we could talk about Talal Asad. Apparently he is an anti-colonial ethnographer or something. I said fine whatever. They seem to know more than me anyway. Maybe we shouldn’t do fieldwork, maybe we should all do auto-ethnography. My students said maybe, but we still need to pay attention because racism hasn’t gone away, it’s still in our society. Which means we still might make arguments for it in our work unless we’re careful.
I guess before I do field work I should look at what the underlying structures of Britain are effecting my thinking. Not just my assumptions like I thought with Malinowski but what it means for a British person to turn up at a former colony. What does that act mean even before I start interacting with people.
I know that sounds like the same conclusion as episode one but my students assure me it’s subtly different. My head hurts, let’s go.
Nah leave the desk I’ll just get another.
Theme
This was notes from the field desk written by me James McGrail.
This episode references
Evans-Pritchard, E.E., The Nuer, 1940, Clarendon Press, Oxford.
Lentin, A. (2004). Racial states, anti-racist responses. Picking holes in 'Culture' and 'Human Rights'. European Journal of Social Theory 7(4): 427-443.
Pocock, D. (1975). Sir Edward Evans-Pritchard 1902–1973: An appreciation. Africa, 45(3)
Visweswaran, Kamala (1998) Race and the Culture of Anthropology, American Anthropologist 100/1: 70-83.
Theme ends
Susan
Do you think I’m stupid? You think I believe your flight got diverted to South Sudan? South Sudan? Oh and it just so happens that it’s thematically appropriate for your little podcast? Get back to London. Now. We need to have a serious conversation.
https://freesound.org/people/Mystikuum/sounds/401636/
https://freesound.org/people/JarredGibb/sounds/233143/
https://freesound.org/people/selcukartut/sounds/504882/
https://freesound.org/people/felix.blume/sounds/187756/
https://freesound.org/people/darrinsmith/sounds/274434/
https://freesound.org/people/InspectorJ/sounds/405561/
https://freesound.org/people/t-man95/sounds/553265/
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requested by Anon :)
“Who cares that it’s 4 a.m? Live a little.” “I love the way you see the world.”
Pairing: Hoshi x Reader
Genre:
Tag: Angst
Word count: 2369
Note: Okaay~ So I think this is the longest story I’ve ever written xD Anyway, exam is coming so I won’t post as frequent as I used to ;;
He sighed as he walked with much difficulty toward the hospital’s vending machine. He hated himself that he fell from the stairs and failed to join the monthly evaluation in his company. This month’s evaluation was very important for every trainee as the trainers had announced that the company was going to debut a group soon. Not joining this month’s evaluation meant he could fail to debut this year and needs to wait again.
Soonyoung hated that fact very much. The trainers and even the CEO had told him that he was in the top list of trainees those were going to debut, but because of his foolish accident, it could be taken away from him.
"Shit, it’s fucking stuck!” Soonyoung hissed as he kicked the vending machine in anger with his crutch. The vending machine did not even help.
“You can’t do it like that,” a girl’s voice said. She pushed the vending machine until it was tilted a tad and Soonyoung’s coke fell down. The girl bowed down and took the coke for Hoshi. Not thanking the girl, he just stared the girl.
She has the fairest skin he had ever seen, like she had never gone outside. Her cheeks gave out pink hue like she was blushing and her lips were small and pouty. Her jet black hair ended on her waist and it just complimented all of her features. She was pretty for him.
“You’ve just broken your leg?” the girl asked as she bought another coke for herself. Hoshi nodded his head. “It sucks right, to come to the hospital?” she chuckled as she took her coke and opened it.
“Today is my monthly evaluation and I must skip it,” Soonyoung sighed as he gulped down his coke.
She nodded her head, “At least you have things to do outside. All I do in my life is just going in and out the hospital,” she stated, surprising Hoshi. The way she smiled did not even bring happiness to Soonyoung - instead, his heart was squeezed.
“You don’t need to look at me like that,” she smiled as she drank her coke too, “I’m just weak, that’s why.”
Soonyoung nodded his head, “Life must be boring.”
And she nodded her head, “Yeah, but every time doctor tells me I can go home, that is where my happiness lies. Today, I’m dismissed again so I’m in good mood.”
Soonyoung looked at her once again. She did really look happy even after saying that there was nothing she could do outside. Soonyoung contemplated just how much the girl must suffered and he thought that he should be happy to only get a broken leg instead of anything that the girl suffered.
Months later, Soonyoung came back to the hospital to took off his cast. He had been practicing his vocal and stopped straining his legs when he was on rest. He was glad that he was planned to debut next year together with his friends. However, the CEO did say that his monthly evaluation was just postponed - his debut was almost guaranteed but CEO still wanted to see his development.
“Don’t forget to keep coming to the hospital to get treatment. Since you didn’t use your leg for months, you need to do therapy for it,” the doctor explained as the nurse opened Hoshi’s cast.
He smiled when he finally could move his leg freely. His leg finally could breathe and he no longer needed the clutch. He could now walk normally even though the doctor told him not to dance too much for the first weeks. Hoshi thanked the doctor and walked out from the room happily.
He was just too happy to see where he was going - he crashed into someone.
“Oh- I’m sorry I wasn’t looking,” Soonyoung said as he grabbed the person’s arms, stopping the latter from falling.
The girl gained her balance and nodded her head, “It’s okay,” she weakly said.
Her long hair was covering her face before, but now she stood up straightly and pushed back her hair, Soonyoung remembered her - the girl that could do nothing outside.
“It’s you,” Soonyoung stated, “I’m Hoshi. Back then we didn’t introduce ourselves.”
The girl looked at Soonyoung for seconds before smiling, remembering the boy, It’s you! Who kicked the vending machine with clutch, right? I’m Y/N.”
She grinned and glanced at his leg, “Oh! Just took off the cast?”
Soonyoung nodded proudly, “Yeah, how about you?”
The girl sighed, “Back to check up,” and she shrugged her shoulder.
Now she said that, Soonyoung had just noticed the fact that the girl no longer wearing casual clothes, but instead, she wore hospital gown. She was still the same as months ago, but the fact that her eyes looked lifeless really intrigued Hoshi.
“Actually, what kind of sickness do you have?” Hoshi asked.
The girl shrug her shoulder, “Not something contagious so you don’t need to be scared,” and she smiled.
But he was not scared though. Hoshi was just curious.
Starting from that time, every time Hoshi came to the hospital, he would make sure to visit the girl. Spending time with her was like a healing time. Hoshi was pampered by the soft smile she owned, the way her eyes turn into crescent when she smiled. Her voice was like a melody to his ears and time passed slower when he was with her. He did not know how a sick girl like her could heal him, when actually the healthy one should be the one that healed the girl.
“I wish you can be healthy and visit my first debut stage later,” Soonyoung stated as he patted her head.
The girl smiled, “I will make sure to be healthy.”
“That’s why I bring this,” Soonyoung smiled as he gave a stalk of Gerbera - a flower that symbolizes strength of character, faithfulness, and honor. He thought that the flower described Y/N perfectly and besides, he had not brought anything after several times visiting her.
“I’m sorry it’s only a stalk, I would like to buy you a bouquet though, but I don’t have money,” Soonyoung sheepishly said as he rubbed his nape.
But Y/N smiled very wide, “It smells great! And it’s okay actually, the color is very pretty and no one brings me flower again as I enter the hospital too often.”
Too often. That words pinched Soonyoung’s heart and Soonyoung could only stare at Y/N with that pity look again.
“What do you want to do once you’re dismissed again?” Soonyoung asked.
The girl did not think twice before answering, “Beach!”
Soonyoung smiled, “Let’s go to the beach later! Right before I made my debut.”
Soonyoung felt his pillow vibrated. He groaned as he took an old Nokia phone from inside of his pillow and answered the call.
“Soonyoung! Soonyoung! Let’s go to the beach now!”
Soonyoung groaned as he checked the clock on his phone, “It’s still 4 AM...”
“Who cares that it’s 4 a.m? Live a little!”
Soonyoung sighed as he got up. He ruffled his hair and agreed to Y/N. “Where are you? I’m getting ready.”
“In front of your dorm!”
Soonyoung’s eyes right away shot wide, “How did you know?!”
“You’ve told me before! You forgetful person,” she snickered.
Soonyoung sighed and asked Y/N to wait for a bit.
“’Kay! Don’t take too long~”
It was still morning and he had a hard time processing everything, but he did get ready and did not forget to leave a note on Seungcheol’s. He knew he would be heavily nagged by Seungcheol and punished by his company, but he did not care. All he care was his friend was finally out from the hospital and he was going to spend the day with her.
“Hi,” Soonyoung greeted Y/N finally, once he walked out from the building. The girl in front of him was surely prettier when she was not in the hospital gown. She tied her hair into a messy bun and she was wearing floral dress and sandals. She was really prepared to go to the beach.
“Isn’t it cold?” Soonyoung asked as he took off his jacket for Y/N. He was glad that he was out with his jacket. Actually, it was for him, but seeing Y/N, he could be careless about himself.
“Heheh...thank you. It’s a bit chilly outside,” she stated as she pulled the jacket closer to her.
They rode the bus together. The way to the beach was filled with Y/N complimenting everything she saw on the road, every little thing which made Soonyoung felt like he needed to appreciate the world more.
“Whoa, they are going to school this morning? Their uniform looks really pretty!”
“You’ve never gone to school?” Soonyoung asked - too fast from his thinking brain. Of course the answer is never - she spends her time in hospital. And he was right.
“Nope, but I would like to go to one once I’m completely healthy!”
Soonyoung smiled, “But school is boring though.”
She gasped, “School isn’t boring! Hospital is boring.”
Y/N then looked out from the window again, “Whoa...those flowers are really pretty!”
"Waa~ The sun is very warm~” Y/N stated as she ran toward the sea. Soonyoung just watched from the back, smiling at the giddy Y/N. She was like an innocent child, playing on the beach for the first time. She was not tainted by the world and Soonyoung would love for her to be forever like that. It was too painful when he realized that she was actually a sick person. How could a sick person was this happy with just little things?
“Soonyoung, come here!” Y/N waved to him and Soonyoung jogged toward her.
Y/N grabbed Soonyoung’s hand and pulled him toward the sea.
“Aren’t you scared?” Soonyoung asked, but Y/N kept pulling him into the sea, not scared whether their clothes were wet. Soonyoung hated it - to get wet because he did not bring any change clothes - but he did not resist. Maybe because he wanted to be close to Y/N, to keep seeing the smile on her face forever.
Y/N finally stopped when the water reached her waist. She grabbed Soonyoung’s other hand and stood in front of him. She looked like an angel, with the sunlight outlined her. The smile that she gave to him was warmer than sunlight and the water did not feel cold when Y/N stepped closer to him.
“If I die, I want to be water,” she stated. Even talking about her own death, she was still smiling.
“You won’t die.”
“You won’t ask the reason?”
“Why?”
“Because water is anywhere - this sea, the ocean, the mineral water, the water in your body,” she smiled, “The amount of water in this world is unchanged - it is just the shape of it.”
Soonyoung bit down his lower lip and hung his head low, “I love the way you see the world and I think the world would appreciate it if you stay.” He was shaking. He could not imagine if Y/N disappeared.
“So Soonyoung, if I disappear, I will be around you - as water,” she continued, not listening to Soonyoung.
He took a deep breath and pulled Y/N into a tight hug, “You won’t die...you won’t die!” He said it, that Y/N wouldn’t die - it’s not to assure Y/N but because to assure himself.
Y/N patted his back.
"You were crying right?” Y/N asked once they sat on the sand. Their sandals and shoes were placed beside them.
Soonyoung pouted, “No, I’m not.”
Y/N laughed, “You were! I felt water fell on my shoulder.”
“How can you laugh? It is about you we are talking about.”
Y/N smiled, “Maybe because I already know my future. I’m not scared of anything.”
They fell silence for a second.
“Can I borrow your shoulder?” Y/N asked.
Soonyoung turned to Y/N, “Why?” He did not know why, but his face was burning. Was it too hot? Was the sun too strong? “Uhh...but you can always borrow it without telling me though.”
Y/N smiled and thanked Soonyoung, “I’m going to close my eyes for a second.”
“Uhh...yeah...” Soonyoung stuttered as he felt Y/N on his shoulder. He glanced at Y/N and licked his dry lips. He hoped that she was comfortable enough.
In silence, Soonyoung stared the sky and the sea. The wave was calming, the sun was not that strong, the breeze was cool enough. Everything was enough and it was perfect with Y/N beside him. Soonyoung thought, it could not be better than all of this.
Minutes had passed and soon, it was going to be an hour. Soonyoung turned to the girl and she was still sleeping. WIth her lips were curling upward, the sunlight fell on her - she became brighter than the sun.
“Y/N, we should go home...” Soonyoung said as he tapped her arm.
Y/N did not move, but Soonyoung smiled, “Hey, are you that tired?”
And Soonyoung could not be more shocked when Y/N just slipped from his shoulder, falling lifelessly. Fortunately, Soonyoung caught her before her head could hit the sand.
“Hey? Don’t joke around please...” Soonyoung stated as he put a finger in front of her nose. It felt like his life was drained, taken together with Y/N.
“Y/N, pelase?” Soonyoung whispered as he shook Y/N body.
She did not wake up. She would never.
Soonyoung hates the fact that she was still smiling when she had her last breath. It felt like she already knew it and braced herself. In her death too she still looked pretty. Soonyoung hates the fact that he could not visit her too once he has debuted and just came now, three years after the last time he bid goodbye to her.
He brings a bouquet of Gerbera with variety of color, now he has much money to be spent.
“I’m sorry that I just come today,” Soonyoung apologizes as he holds back his tears, “Can you see me from the heaven? Did you watch my debut stage? I hope there is TV in the heaven,” Soonyoung chuckles.
“I miss you,” Soonyoung whispers as he caresses Y/N tombstone.
#hoshi#seventeen#svt#carat#seventeen scenario#seventeen prompt#seventeen reaction#kpop#kpop reaction#kpop scenario#kpop prompt#reaction#prompt#scenario#세븐틴#카랏#호시
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You'd think growing up in the ghetto would be one of the worst experiences but in truth I relish every single day. There's something about jumping over broken sewerage pipes or taking the neighborhood's dogs to the next neighborhood to watch them fight or stopping by your favorite meat den on the way home from school to down some tasty "mutura" , that binds your soul to this rowdy, treacherous place. Don't get me wrong if I were given a chance to grow up in Runda or Kileleshwa I wouldn't think twice on it, but having lived this life, life in Nairobi Eastlands, Huruma estate which is actually more ghetto than it sounds, being part of this experience, having met these people,my friends, has forged me into the being I am today.
No this is not a story to inspire you, this is not a story to give you hope, but it is a story about true ghetto life, friendship, brotherhood, bonds that were never meant to be broken.
I knew Denno since we were toddlers, there was nothing really special about him but then again I was also just an average guy so us being friends was actually expected. We lived a normal life, did what normal kids did, sure we got into trouble a couple of times but even those we faced together.
There comes a time when normal just isn't enough and you can either realize your ambitions or have them forced onto you. Denno had the latter, his mom fell sick and couldn't go to work anymore and him being the man of the house was a role that was already inevitable since his drunkard father eloped to Mlolongo with their maid. Denno decided to dropout of school and became a tout.
Now, I don't know if he just had it easy or what we had heard from our "faithful" teacher was just bogus but in a few weeks Denno had fully adapted and was making good money. He paid the bills, bought his mother's medication and took care of his little brother. For a fifteen year old Denno was on top of his game, in a few more weeks he was dressing up all dapper, had a Nokia C200 and knew almost all the pretty girls in the neighborhood, even I was seriously questioning my career choice.
Fast forward about 3 months and his mom is well again and back to work and they are making a killing out of it. They end up opening a shop so that his mother wouldn't have to go to work and he could finally go back to school.
He had never been so unsettled, we could tell that he'd rather have been out there making money than seated in a congested classroom trying to understand algebra. So we'd convince him to stay then on our way home we'd buy mutura and use his popularity at the matatu pit to get free rides home.
On that day he was more than unsettled, he was angry and broke. He had argued with his mother who had refused to let him continue working, he had sold his phone and all the gibberish from the teachers just ticked him off even more.
On our way home we didn't stop at the meat den or the matatu pit so we decided to walk home. He walked fast and silent, didn't laugh at any of our jokes, not even a smile. As we were crossing the road from Jonsaga into Huruma we heard a very familiar hoot.
"Wewe kijana ya shule wewe!" called out Jay, Denno's former driver and boss. Of course this was a joke and instantly Denno lit up and hurled an insult to him jokingly. He told us to hop in since he was headed to the car wash and its on our way home.Denno was ecstatic, finally he got to show off his skill at this art that he had come to love.
Part of living in the ghetto, as a guy, involved you learning certain matatu "etiquette" , let's call it. In sheng it's called "kudandia na kudondoka" which mainly involve boarding and alighting a matatu while still in motion. Its simple but very dangerous, one wrong step could mean tragedy.
It felt like a very low bump on the road. Nobody expected it, but it just happened. One wrong step, shouts from a few pedestrians, bump, gone.
This was not the first time I had seen a dead body, but the mere fact that it was someone I had known since the age of three... But at least you were happy.
Jay took off and we remained there, shocked until the police came.
Still wouldn't trade it for anything...
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(( && GOGREEKSHQ TASK; MILA’S FACT SHEET ;; ))
@gogreekpoints
( &&. general information )
Full name: CAMILA ELISE TAYLOR
Pronunciation: CAM-EE-LA UH-LEASE TAY-LUR
Nickname(s) or alias: CAM, CAMI, MILA
Preferred name: MILA
Current age: TWENTY-ONE
Astrological sign: SAGITTARIUS
Element: FIRE
Title: MISS
Label: THE EPICURE
Gender: CISFEMALE
Preferred pronouns: SHE/HER
Sexual preference: PANSEXUAL, PREFERENCE TO GIRLS
Romantic preference: PANROMANTIC, NO PREFERENCE
Resides in: PRINCETON, NEW JERSEY
Current occupation: COLLEGE STUDENT
Language(s) spoken: ENGLISH ( FLUENT ), FRENCH ( BASICS )
Native language: ENGLISH
Current marital status: SINGLE
( &&. background )
Reason behind name: HER PARENTS JUST LIKED IT ? THEY HAD NO RL REASON
Birth order: FIRST, OLDEST CHILD OF THREE
Ethnicity: CAUCASIAN
Nationality: AMERICAN
Species: HUMAN
A/B/O: AB+
Religion: NOT RELIGIOUS
Financial status: WEALTHY
IQ: 135
Hometown: NEW YORK, NEW YORK, USA
( &&. physical appearance )
Looks like (or face claim, if applicable): BARBARA PALVIN
Height: 5′8″
Weight: 115 LBS
Shoe size: 6.5
Figure/build: ATHLETIC
Hair colour, Dyed?: BRUNETTE, NATURAL
Hair length: LONG, ONE INCH BELOW BRA LINE
Eye colour: BLUE
Glasses? Colour? / Contacts? Are they coloured?: NONE / NONE
Shape of face: HEART
Facial hair: NONE
Do they shave/wax? Where?: YES, LEGS/UNDERARMS
Skin tone: TAN
Tattoos: ARROW WITH HEART ( SIMILAR TO THE THIRD ARROW ON THIS PHOTO ) ON HER INNER LEFT WRIST
Piercings: EARS, RIGHT CARTILAGE
Dominant hand: RIGHT
If painted, what color are their nails/toenails?: CORAL
Usual style of clothing: CASUAL
Frequently worn jewelry: CHARM BRACELET
( &&. legal information )
Any speeding tickets?: TWO, BOTH RECEIVED SHORTLY AFTER SHE GOT HER LICENSE
Have they ever been arrested?: NO
Do they have a criminal record?: NO
Have they committed any violent crimes?: NO
Property crimes?: NO
Traffic crimes?: SPEEDING, TEXTING WHILE DRIVING
Other crimes?: NO
( &&. medical information )
Blood type: AB+
Date/time of birth: DECEMBER 3, 1995 10:52 AM
Place of birth: NEW YORK, NEW YORK, USA
Vaginal birth or cesauren section?: VAGINAL
Sex: CISFEMALE
Diet: NONE
Smoker? / Drinker? / Drug User?, Which?: SOCIALLY / SOCIALLY / NO
Allergies: BEES
Ever broken a bone?: YES, RIGHT WRIST
Hospital visits, what for?: 4 YEARS OLD, TONSILLECTOMY; 16 YEARS OLD, APPENDICITIS
Any physical ailments/illnesses/disabilities: NONE
Any medication regularly taken: NONE
( &&. career information )
Past occupation(s): STUDENT
Current occupation: STUDENT
Do they enjoy their current occupation?: YES
Why do they do it?: TO GET A DEGREE & BECOME A FORENSIC SCIENTIST
( &&. personality )
Direct quote from them: “MY PARENTS ARE COMING FOR PARENTS WEEKEND AND MY ROOM IS A WRECK.” ( CAMERA PANS TO ROOM THAT’S SPOTLESS ) “I NEED TO CLEAN ALL NIGHT, SORRY. RAINCHECK?”
Positive traits: FRIENDLY, WELCOMING, GENUINE, & INTELLIGENT
Negative traits: INSECURE, PEOPLE-PLEASING, PERFECTIONIST, & FICKLE
Likes: BAKING, STUDYING
Dislikes: RUDE PEOPLE, DISAPPOINTING OTHERS
Strengths: LISTENING, ADVICE
Weaknesses: STANDING UP TO OTHERS
Fears/phobias: BEES, ANY INSECT TBH, HEIGHTS
Lucky number: 26
whispers sry i took so much off of here my b
( &&. favourites )
Food: MAC & CHEESE, MARBLE CAKE
Drink: RASPBERRY LEMONADE
Fast food restaurant: CHICK-FIL-A
Flavour: BLUE RASPBERRY
Word: FOOD
Colour: ORANGE
Clothing: GRAY SWEATER, SKINNY JEANS, BLACK BOOTIES
Accessory: CHARM BRACELET
Candle scent: VANILLA LAVENDER
Store: FOREVER 21
Instrument: PIANO
Game: CRASH BANDICOOT / SORRY!
Animal: DOG
Holiday: CHRISTMAS
Weather: SNOW
Season: WINTER
Artist: BLACKBEAR
Band/group: CHAINSMOKERS
Movie/film: BRING IT ON
TV show: GOSSIP GIRL
Sport: FOOTBALL
Sports team: GIANTS
School subject: SCIENCE
Teacher: MRS. FORTNER, GRADE 2
Possession: A FRAMED PHOTO OF HER FAMILY THAT SITS ON HER BEDSIDE
Name: JESSAMINE
Number: 26
Emoji: THE HEARTS SWIRLING AROUND EACH OTHER EMOJI IM 2 LAZY TO COPY YIKES
Mythological creature: GRIFFIN
Landmark: BROOKLYN BRIDGE
Person: HER TWIN BROTHER
( &&. skills )
Talents: SINGING
Ability to drive a car? Operate any other vehicles?: YES / NO
Can they ride a bike?: YES
Do they play any sports?: NO, USED TO CHEERLEAD IN HIGH SCHOOL
Anything they’re bad at?: SAYING NO
Do they have any combat training? Why?: NO
( &&. firsts )
Childhood memory: RIDING A BIKE WHILE HER GRANDMOTHER ARROVE HOME
Crush: JESSE MCCARTNEY
Job: N/A
Phone: NOKIA BRICK
Computer: HP
Kiss: ADAM, GRADE 3
Love: RILEY, GRADE 10
Sexual experience: ELIAS, GRADE 11
( &&. childhood )
Best childhood memory?: CHRISTMAS MORNING, AGE 7; NO PARTICULAR REASON IT JUST STICKS OUT TO HER YIKES
Worst childhood memory?: MIDDLE SCHOOL, GRADE 6; FELL DURING LUNCH AND ENDED UP WITH STAINS ALL OVER HER OUTFIT
What were they like as a child?: VERY GENTLE & SOFT-SPOKEN
Any crushes growing up?: ADAM, OBVIOUSLY
Did they know/like their parents?: MILA LOVES HER PARENTS
Worst influence on them as a kid?: THE NEIGHBOR, CASSIE
Did they have a lot of friends?: YES
Were they heavily punished?: NO NEED, MILA RARELY DID ANYTHING THAT REQUIRED PUNISHING
Were they more feminine or masculine?: FEMININE
Were they an early or late bloomer for puberty?: MILDLY EARLY, BUT BASICALLY HIT THE SAME TIME HER FRIENDS DID
Do they still know any of their childhood friends?: YES
Did they have any chores? What?: NO
Describe their childhood home: PENTHOUSE
( &&. this or that )
Expensive or inexpensive tastes?: CAN GO EITHER WAY, SHE’S QUALITY OVER QUANTITY
Hygienic or Unhygienic?: VERY HYGIENIC
Open-minded or close-minded?: OPEN-MINDED
Introvert or extrovert?: EXTROVERT
Optimistic or pessimistic?: OPTIMISTIC
Daredevil or cautious?: CAUTIOUS
Logical or emotional?: EMOTIONAL
Generous or stingy?: GENEROUS
Polite or rude?: POLITE
Book smart or street smart?: BOOK SMART
Dominant or submissive?: SUBMISSIVE
Popular or loner?: POPULAR
Leader or follower?: FOLLOWER
Day or night person?: MID-DAY THROUGH EVENING ?
Cat or dog person?: DOG
Closet door open or closed while sleeping?: CLOSED
( &&. family relationships )
Father: VINCENT JAMES TAYLOR
Describe their relationship: POSITIVE, MOSTLY; HE LIKES TO CONTROL EVERYTHING SHE DOES
Mother: ELISE CHARLOTTE TAYLOR NÉE WHITMORE
Describe their relationship: POSITIVE; SHE’S THE “GOOD COP” IN THE GOOD COP/BAD COP SCENARIO. LIKES TO GIVE MILA BACK-HANDED COMPLIMENTS
Brothers: ONE BROTHER, JT, TWIN.
Describe their relationship: THEY ARE VERY CLOSE, HE IS ALSO A STUDENT AT PRINCETON.
Sisters: ONE SISTER, ALESSIA, FIVE YEARS YOUNGER.
Describe their relationship: THEY WERE CLOSER AS KIDS BUT PROGRESSIVELY GREW APART THE OLDER THEY GOT.
Other important relatives: AUNT ELODIE, THE PERSON MILA GOES TO WHEN THINGS SEEM ALL TOPSY-TURVY AND SHE CAN’T TALK TO HER PARENTS/SIBLINGS
Significant other: N/A
Children: N/A
( &&. other relationships )
Best friend: TBA YALL
Childhood friend: CALLIE
Enemy: EMMA
Past romances: LIAM, ELIAS, TEDDY, VALERIE, EMMA, RILEY, EVAN
Pets: NONE
( &&. social media )
Do they have a Facebook? Twitter? Instagram? Vine? Snapchat? Tinder/Grindr? Tumblr? YouTube?: YES / YES / YES / USED TO / YES / NO / NO / NO
If so; Name on Facebook: CAMILA TAYLOR
Twitter handle: OHTAYMILA
Instagram user: OHTAYMILA
Vine user: N/A ANYMORE
Snapchat user: OHTAYMILA
Name on Tinder/Grindr: N/A
Tumblr URL: N/A
YouTube channel: N/A
( &&. musical tastes )
Theme song: CLOSER FT. HALSEY BY CHAINSMOKERS
Makes them happy: IDFC BY BLACKBEAR
Makes them sad: CONCRETE ANGEL BY MARTINA MCBRIDE
Makes them dance: LOCATION BY KHALID
Loves the most: SORRY NOT SORRY BY DEMI LOVATO
Describes them: ...TBA
Never gets tired of: NOBODY’S LISTENING BY LINKIN PARK
Would like to be played at their wedding: MARRY YOUR DAUGHTER BY BRIAN MCKNIGHT
Would like to play at their funeral: UNKNOWN
( &&. miscellaneous )
Do they have a fake I.D.?: NOT NECESSARY
Are they a virgin?: NO
Describe their signature: A MIX OF LOOPY AND CONDENSED
How long would they survive in a zombie apocalypse?: 2.5 SECONDS
Do they travel?: YES
One place they would like to live: NEW YORK, DON’T HAVE A DESIRE TO LIVE AWAY FROM FAMILY
One place they would like to visit: LOS ANGELES
Celebrity crush: THEO JAMES, DEMI LOVATO, OLIVIA HOLT
What can you find in their pockets/wallet/purse: MONEY, CREDIT/DEBIT CARDS, CHAPSTICK, NAIL FILE, COMB, PEN
Place(s) your character can always be found: KITCHEN
When does your character like to wake up?: 7-8 AM
What’s your character’s morning routine?: WAKE UP, SHOWER, EAT, CLASS/STUDY
What does your character eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner?: VARIES
How does your character spend their free days?: STUDYING, BAKING
What’s your character’s bedtime routine?: CLEAN OFF MAKEUP, WASH FACE, MOISTURIZER, LIGHT STUDYING
What does your character wear to bed?: TANK TOP AND SHORTS
If your character can’t fall asleep, what are they thinking about?: SCHOOL
What has been their greatest achievement?: VALEDICTORIAN
What is their idea of perfect happiness?: BEING AROUND PEOPLE SHE LOVES
What or who is the greatest love of their life?: N/A
On what occasions do they lie?: WHEN IT’S TO SPARE SOMEONE ELSE’S FEELINGS
Most marked characteristic: BLUE EYES, CARING NATURE
What is one thing they’d most like to change about themselves?: HOW MUCH SHE CARES ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF HER
How would they like to die?: IN HER SLEEP
Do they snore? NO
Do they chew their pens/pencils?: ONLY WHEN SHE’S REALLY STRESSED
Can they curl their tongue?: YES
Can they whistle?: POORLY, BUT YES
Do they believe in the supernatural?: YES
Have they ever cheated on anyone?: NO
Have they ever been cheated on?: NO
Has anyone ever broken their heart?: NO
Have they ever broken anyone’s heart?: NO
Are they squeamish?: MILDLY
Have they ever killed anyone? Why? How?: NO
Have they ever seen anyone die? What happened?: NO
Are they a lightweight?: SHE CAN GET TO ABOUT 4 DRINKS BEFORE BECOMING DRUNK AND 5 BEFORE IT’S COMPLETELY OBVIOUS, AT 6 SHE’S USUALLY BLACKED OUT
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