#I think she was my really really first acknowledged lesbian crush

[depressedtheatrekiddo]

What if I didn't stop laughing during all the Deadpool and Wolverine movie and I turned to look at her like 'did ya hear that too' and she was laughing too and it was so perfect and then I proceed to almost fucking die 'cause OH MY FUCKING GODS IS THAT ELEKTRA 💞💖💕💘💞💓💗💘💕💘

[super-who-locked-me-in-here]

Pieces of media my mom has seen and the popular MLM ships in them that she doesn't think are gay:

MCU - Stucky (note that she does get a kick out of Stony stuff and she believes wholeheartedly that those two hate fucked in a not-filmed scene of Avengers 2012 so this is not about her thinking "oh Captain America is so straight-laced because he's the ideal American man" or anything)

MCU - Poolverine (she's fully aware and accepting of the fact that both Logan and Wade are canonically queer characters but she thinks all the flirting Wade did with Logan in the newest movie didn't necessarily mean anything because "he talks like that to everyone". Side note though: while she believes Wade should be with Vanessa, she does think that Logan can and should shoot his shot with Wade after Vanessa inevitably dies since he and Wade are both immortal. It's just that she thinks Wade should get his happy ending with Vanessa first.)

MCU - Lokius ("Mama have you ever seen a man fix another man's tie like that" "No but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen! I wouldn't know though; it's been like 15 years since I worked a corporate job.")

Sonyverse/Marvel - Symbrock ("They literally have a symbiotic relationship. That doesn't make them gay." So I showed her the comics where Eddie calls Venom "love" and gives birth to Venom's babies and she said "Fine you win but please never show me alien man birth ever again."

Supernatural - Destiel ("They're like Steve and Bucky! They're brothers in arms! They've been through hell and back together!" Note that she only watched through season 5 but she does know about a lot of their later interactions because I told her about them)

House M.D. - Hilson ("Dot I watched that whole show and they were never anything more than good friends" "What about when House admitted to thinking about Wilson during sex? What about that whole episode where they pretended to be gay for each other to prove a point to a neighbor and Wilson proposed? What about that whole episode where Wilson had to furnish the apartment and House told him not to let a woman tell him what to do but Wilson let House tell him what to do? What about the whole ending?" "Why can't two men just be close enough friends to joke about that stuff with each other?"

Real life - Me and my best friend of the same gender orientation who I've kissed multiple times and have had a requited crush on for years that neither of us have ever persued for logistical reasons (I literally used me and this friend to try and prove my mom wrong about Stucky and Destiel. I asked her if she thought me and this friend were like brothers and she said yes with a straight face)

Sherlock - Johnlock (to be fair this is the BBC ship name, but she doesn't think any iteration of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are the slightest bit gay. "They're business partners and roommates.")

Our Flag Means Death - BlackHands (Should go ahead and say that I'm not really a BlackHands shipper myself; we both really enjoyed Stede and Ed's romance in the show. BUT it takes so much away from Izzy's character and his development if you don't acknowledge that he was jealous of Stede and in love with Ed, at least a little. My mom thought Izzy was just an extremely loyal first mate.)

Also, for the record, I'm not trying to call my mom out as homophobic. I'm queer and so are two of my siblings and she's very supportive of us. There are gay romcoms she enjoys like Our Flag Means Death and Red, White, and Royal Blue. The reason I'm making this list is because I think it's really funny how she doesn't understand the concept of queerbaiting (not that all of the above listed ships are queerbaiting). She thinks things are either explicitly straight or explicitly queer (whether it's gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc) and cannot comprehend the idea that some character relationships are deliberately pushing the boundaries of straight friendships into queer relationships to get more minority viewers and I think her explanations are funny.

[tea-potato-gt]

G/t recommendations:

Midori Days (Midori no hibi) 2005

The plot: Midori is a shy girl who wants to build up the courage to tell Seiji how she feels. Seiji is a delinquent with a heart of gold who just wants a girlfriend. Fate has a funny way of bringing the two together when they wake up to (a shrunken) Midori becoming Seiji's right hand!

G/t: Midori does remember what it was like to be human so she gets so excited to see food on a larger scale.

Midori’s size change isn’t really emphasized or acknowledged very much. Since Midori is attached to Seiji’s arm, you don't get the classic picking the tiny up to gain her trust scenes. But I love when Seiji holds/comforts her with his left hand.

I had mentioned this story to @racheyace and decided to make a whole “why the G/t community should watch Midori Days” post lol.

This anime is one of my favorite anime romance stories of all time, G/t aside!

The Manga vs the Anime: There are 13 episode in the anime and 8 volumes of the manga (85 chapters). (I have the 1st and 3rd DVD and Vol. 1-6 of the manga.)

I love the anime, it's freaking hilarious and high energy! I watched it first and it got me interested in the manga. I'd definitely recommend the manga more! The manga introduces more characters and has a more developed and believable relationship between Midori and Seiji. Not only are the relationships with the two leads more fleshed out, but most of the side characters too! Everyone has depth and motivations and it feels like their all decisions have meaning!

The time frame in the anime is just a couple of months I think, while in the manga Seiji and Midori are together for about a year. They become so close that the heart break and pain is believable by the end. I cried like a baby at the end of the manga and I felt much more satisfied with how it ended. They are both great, but if I had to recommend one, it would definitely be the Manga.

Queer Rep: The manga has a bit of queer representation! One of the characters, Kouta Shingyoji (male), develops a crush on the male lead Seiji! And Midori and Seiji help two lesbians accept each other's feelings. To quote directly from the manga: "Love surpasses sexual boundaries," this is said while showing a picture of Kouta.

Warnings: The anime is rated “13 and older” and the manga is rated “T+ for older teens.” There is some violence, adult themes, a lot of cursing, suggestive scenes, questionable scenarios, and (some) nud!ty (all bare chest nud!ty, but not always s3xualized). But I am honestly impressed, this story could have EASILY been a h3nti, but's a pretty wholesome story of young love, just with a BIZARE twist.

Where to watch/read: You can read the manga on whatever app you use, I use “Manga Geek.” I’ve seen it on a lot of manga websites too! Or find the physical copies from 2004. (If anyone has Vol. 7-8 pls let me know! I have been looking for them! 👀)

You can watch the entire anime dubbed on Youtube here:

[lorynna]

I agree with you on the overuse and the muddying of the term "asexual". Most asexuals I see have wayyy more sex than I do, and I am very much not asexual.

But I know one of these very rare authentically asexual and aromantic people. My oldest friend. She has absolutely zero sexual attraction to anyone ever, no sexual desire, never even masturbated, never had even an incling on a crush. This is not because of trauma, she's just always been this way. She's an adult, has a degree, works in mechanical engineering, plays lots of sports and hikes mountains, plays boardgames, has close friends - just a regular woman. But she is not just categorically not interested in anything to do with sex and romance, she also just truly doesn't get the appeal. It makes no sense to her.

And for her and people like her, I do think the label is helpful. Obviously you don't need an excuse or a reason not to want those things, you owe that to nobody, but like you said, it is very rare. And just for yourself to feel comfortable and at peace and not like there's something wrong with you, it's very helpful to have a word for it. And to know there's others, even just a few.

She never looked for a word, I was the one who found it online, since I'm a lesbian I was in LGBT circles and eventually stumbled across it and thought of her. And I remember how relieved she was when I mentioned it and asked if that sounds in any way fitting to her. It has also helped her with explaining the idea to her parents or other close friends - people she'd always wanted to know about it, but where she just hadn't known how to say it.

Hi anon! Thank you for your message! 🩷

Your friend sounds like someone who lives life to it's fullest extent and finds something positive in whatever they do. All in all like a genuinly nice person to be around.

I don't have much to say, since you haven't really asked a specific question or disagreed with me - so I'm just going to appreciate your contribution to the topic and say what's on my mind when I read it.

Firstly, I'm glad your friend felt relived when she found out about the label existing and that other people experienced the same thing she did - I can imagine society put her under a lot of pressure regarding any kind of sexual topic.

In the first sentence you acknowledge that the term is overused and has been mudded a lot - that's also one of the reasons why I have difficulties taking the term seriously. Especially because it is rare and I personally have never seen anyone using the label, that wasn't also making it their entire personality or "identifying" with it out of a trend etc you get it. That makes it hard for people like your friend who are genuinly asexual or aromantic to 1) not only get taken seriously by outsiders 2) also feel comfortable and understand in a community of pretenders, who claim to also be the same.

Anyway, I'm happy she could take away what she needed from this term and it helped her explain her experience to those she felt comfortable sharing it with. That's what matters the most :)

[totally-sapphic-posts]

Hellooo I’m sure you don’t remember me but I’m the girl with the crush on the cute drummer girl from my music class. It has been A WHILE but i thought of giving and update because it is pretty wholesome and might cheer someone up.

So we ended up talking every single day for about a month, we even had the cutest first date at the cinema where we watched a godawful movie and laughed about it the whole time, browsed through our local bookstore and talked about books for HOURS. It was cute because we where both so shy we wouldn’t acknowledge it was a date but we knew it was a date if that makes sense. We held hands and even shared the most romcom coming of age movie kiss, I’m talking siting on the floor of an empty parking lot while the sun went down and we held hands. It was so special since it was the first time neither of us kissed a girl, and it was my first time experiencing genuine pure romantic feelings for someone. In the end we continued talking but I moved out so we decided it was for the best to not take things a step further (it was really amicable and understanding)

To this day we still talk occasionally and comment and like on each others posts, I still think she is one of the kindest and prettiest girls ive ever met, and considering it’s been at least a year I think it will stay that way for a long time.

Good news is, I graduated hs and got accepted to my dream university in Paris, where guess what she will be doing a summer long trip with her friends. We have made plans to meet up and I just can’t wait!

All the love

A lesbian who’s world didn’t end when talking to the pretty girl in her music class 💗

Somebody, write a book! 😭💛✨

Thank you so much for this update. I do remember you. This was so heartwarming to read.

This I’m so happy that you two spent that month together, and that you’re still in contact and everything.

Also, felicitations pour votre acceptance dans cette université française! Wishing you the best, and excited for you to start at your dream Uni and see the drummer girl again when she’s in France.

[sol-of-waterdeep]

okay so i've been mulling over modern AU tadfools for a while and this is what i got so far

Lae'zel is a skater lesbian (and super autistic lmao), nobody really knows what her whole deal is but they are pretty sure she was raised by some kind of doomsday cult

she's flatmates with Karlach, who is really into MMA and partying it up now that she finally moved out of her old flat where everyone else were just the most fucked up assholes in existence, everyone exclusively calls it "hell" when talking about it

Astarion is the most flamboyant catty twink in existence and currently crashing on their couch because he's been kind of broke since he left his much older toxic boyfriend Cazador (who won't stop bothering him on Grindr)

Shadowheart is the nu goth girl who lives across the hall from them and is really into crystals and witchcraft/paganism, Lae has a crush on her but doesn't know how to deal with it so she's just really mean all the time

Wyll met Karlach when she almost put his lights out in a drunk brawl at a frat party but now they are besties and he constantly hangs around their flat, his father is a politician and he is dating Mizora, who is his dad's lawyer and everybody is telling him to break up with her because she's toxic af but for some reason he just can't bring himself to do it

Gale lives in the same building and never goes outside ever since his ex broke up with him but he met the rest because his cat slipped outside and he had to catch her again and Karlach had picked her up and brought her home because she thought it was so cute

Halsin is an old hippie guy who is the pot dealer of the whole party and constantly tells everyone how great Woodstock was whether they asked or not (they did not)

Jaheira is the teacher of Karlach's MMA group and comes over occasionally because hanging with them "reminds her of her wild twenties" and "makes her feel young again", sometimes she brings her buddy Minsc who is the life of the party

dunno about Minthara she always died in my playthroughs up until now so can't really say much about her

Raphael is their landlord and just insanely weird about everything, everyone is dreading when he shows up except Astarion who thinks "he's got a certain je ne sais quoi to him" (cue everyone throwing pillows at him and booing him for his terrible taste in men)

Gortash is Karlach's ex who got her into "hell" in the first place, he's a lawyer and nobody likes him, there's a dart board with his face taped on it in the bathroom and nobody knows who put it there (it was Lae'zel)

Ketheric is the owner of the law firm he works at and Orin is his other junior partner, she and Gortash are constantly competing about who will inherit the firm despite Ketheric never saying anything about planning to retire, he hates both of them and wishes his daughter Isobel would take over but she quit law school to go to a liberal arts college with her girlfriend whom Ketheric refuses to acknowledge

[johnconstantinesdick]

Here’s the promised Seffie meta—I wrote this after chapter 9 of Improbable Fiction, expanding on her queerness, relationship to Colette, and how she foils Gil. All under the cut!

So, in Improbable Fiction, Seffie’s queerness has been purposefully left ambiguous, and I would so dearly love to talk about why—some of this I was aware of when I was writing, and some of it is me finally putting words to my gut feelings. The main reason is this: when it comes to Seffie’s feelings for Gil, it doesn’t matter if she’s bisexual or a repressed lesbian or some other flavor of queer. It’s not relevant, because whatever the case is, her feelings still matter. Whether she’s experiencing romantic attraction or compulsory attraction, at the end of the day she deserves to have her experiences and feelings validated. Seffie has so often been treated as a pawn as a matter of course in her family. She’s so often been dictated to or groomed for certain positions or she’s just had it assumed what she feels or means or thinks that it almost felt… like I would just be going against the themes of her arc to say “well she’s a lesbian so these feelings weren’t REALLY a crush” or “she’s bisexual and her feelings for Gil are more valid because she CAN be attracted to men” or whatever because it doesn’t MATTER. what Seffie needs is to be listened to! Not interpreted by me to the readers, just Seffie laid bare, all confusion and hurt and righteous fury.

And it’s also why, while the ending of chapter 9 is very much intended to show that Colette and Seffie are In Lesbians, I firmly believe they didn’t actually kiss or officially get together or anything. It’s not the right TIME. if Colette were to confess to Seffie at a time like this, it would just show that they can’t be together because Colette doesn’t understand or respect Seffie—which she DOES. Seffie is coming off the high of her first love, true or not, and the heartbreak afterwards.

Gil has spent this entire time dismissing Seffie’s feelings. Part of that is just that it’s in his nature to be a little dismissive of other peoples feelings and bulldoze over them and focus on himself, but part of it is also that he thinks first of Seffie as Colette’s Love Interest, and thus He Can’t Be The One She Ends Up With. If Gil considers Seffie seriously and actually fully acknowledges that she has feelings that deserve to be validated if not reciprocated, then he’s going to have to run headfirst into the terrifying fact that he… doesn’t like her. And like sure yeah he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings so that’s a factor but it’s mostly that he’d have to deal with the fact that he’s incapable of loving her and he… doesn’t know WHY yet. He doesn’t really have the words to explain that he can’t feel those feelings now that he’s started to realize that people are actually serious about that stuff—he’s finally reaching the part of life that every arospec person goes through where it feels like you’re still stuck at thirteen not understanding that people aren’t joking or exaggerating their romantic interest or dating lives. Gil is standing at the edge of a realization and it’s terrifying!

And the thing is! Seffie and Gil are foils! Seffie isn’t that oblivious to Colette’s feelings on accident, she’s subconsciously ignoring them because then she’ll have to deal with how that makes her feel! Gil is acting the same way towards Seffie! And it’s why, at the end of the chapter, Seffie CAN’T reciprocate right away! The end of the chapter scene is about her finally acknowledging Colette’s feelings and her own suppressed ones, finally reaching an internal breaking point for herself and letting go of Gil and the willful ignorance! They’re on even footing now, and Seffie can finally have the space to start figuring herself out and figuring out how she feels separate from family pressure. Paris is very much a coming of age college story—nothing is going how anyone expected, everyone is trying to figure out where they stand and what they feel, and absolutely no one is getting enough sleep or making good decisions. Seffie isn’t done with her internal journey, she’s just at the START! She’s finally facing everything terrifying and raw in her heart and she can do that because she trusts Colette to listen to her and catch her when she falls. Colette sees her and knows her—not because they’re predestined true love, but because Colette looks and tries. Seffie is finally looking up and realizing that she’s had someone on her side this whole time.

They understand where they stand with each other, now, even without voicing it. Seffie is able to take that internal step because of that trust she has in Colette. They value each other enough to not ruin their friendship in the attempt at romance, to be careful with each other in moments of vulnerability. And that’s terrifying, for Seffie especially. But that’s not going to stop them from trying, and exploring this new facet of their relationship.

[astralfandoms]

GIVE ME THE HCS I WANNA HEAR EVERYTHANGG

okay so

*cracks open google doc*

i'll just go through the areas because my brain formats better talking about the different cogs like that

also i'm not going to include the factory managers, the satellite investors, C.O.O, or Chairman because i have yet to develop their full mental image in my brain (but it will eventually happen asdfiopj)

also this is going to be long as hell so warning you

Toontown Central

Derrick Man (William Boar)

30

Transmasc Bisexual (He/Oil/Drum)

Autistic

Grew up in a family that was extremely focused on how they looked to the public, and was "match-made" with Misty at an early age, but they ended up just seeing each other as annoying siblings. Both sees Misty as an annoyance and as a friend, but doesn't like to admit that second part, especially to Misty herself.

Is crushing hard on both Alton and Rain and is being tsundere about it

Duck Shuffler (Buck Ruffler, Card Shark, Blackjack)

29

Transmasc Demiromantic Homosexual (He/They/Quack/Slot/Luck/Seven/7/🦆/🎰/⚙️/🍒 [Buck], They/It [Card Shark], It/Its [Blackjack])

Bipolar, DID (Buck [Host], Card Shark [Emotion Dampener], Blackjack [Nonverbal Trauma Holder])

Grew up in Toontown Central surrounded by Toons and later moved into Suitopia as an adult, working as a day trader and gambling on the weekends to help relax. At a casino night, Chris spotted him and offered him a position at C.O.G.S under him. And Buck accepted mostly because he realized he had nothing to lose if he applied.

Dating Dave and has a crush on Brian as well as Eerie Descent

Prethinker (Brian Wiseman)

35

He/It/Study/Thought/Brain/King/♟️/🧠/📖/💭

Trans Gay

Paranoid Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder

Grew up in a family where his parents were usually not home a lot of time and thought that if he got to the top of his class and graduated with honors, then his parents would actually acknowledge him. But that...never happened. So, after college, he drifted around, not knowing what to do before he applied to C.O.G.S in desperation, so ended up overcompensating to make sure that his place in the company was secured leading to...a lot of mess ups. Also transitioned after entering college, renaming himself, but doesn't like mentioning his last name because he's embarrassed that he picked that for himself.

Is dating Benjamin and is crushing heavily on Mac and Buck

Barnacle Boatyard

Land Acquisition Architect (Alton S. Crow)

40

Cis Bisexual (He/They/Hazard)

Anxiety, Paranoid Personality Disorder

Country boys make do. That's like. Pretty much it. Grew up in a large family, had to start working at a young age to help support the family, and now has trouble knowing when to stop working.

Crushing on William real bad due to them being hired around the same time

Deep Diver (Mary Anna)

32

Intersex Bigender Bisexual

He/She/Ocean/Wave/Dive/Sea/Marine/🌊/🪸/🤿/🛟/⚓/🪝

Autistic

Grew up with two moms who encouraged his love of marine life, to the point of her deciding that was going to be oceans career. Immediately was rivals with Holly due to both of them thinking they knew more about the others' specialty.

Dating Misty and keeps denying waves crush on Holly

Rainmaker (Misty Monsoon)

30

Trans Lesbian (She/Rain/Cloud/Storm/Fog/☔/☁️/🌧️/⛈️/🌦️)

Depression, Anxiety, Autism

Similarly to William, grew up in a family focused on how they look in the public eye, and became hyper attached to William because he was the first person who ever treated her nicely and was the one who she first told that she was trans and a lesbian to. Is hurt about the fact that he won't really talk to her anymore but thinks that it's because they're working in opposing departments.

Is dating Mary and Holly and wishes that the two would just get admit that they like each other already

Ye Ol' Toontown Time

Public Relations Representative (Winston Byrd)

98

Genderfluid Biromantic Homosexual (All Pronouns)

Anxiety, Autism, PTSD, Depression, Paranoid Personality Disorder

Was a close friend of Tawney's before everything went down. Was eventually snuck out of the dungeons by a blue and white cat toon before getting smuggled to Daffodil Gardens where he got restored to his previous state.

Currently isn't seeing anyone but is yearning to have a partner again

Gatekeeper (Holly Grayelle)

35

Holypaladin (Xenogender) Bisexual Lesbian (She/Holy/Gold/Knight/Shield)

Autism, ADHD

Grew up being told that she was extremely good at being a leader and so holy has it engrained in gold that knight can’t be any position other than a leadership one and so tends to clash with anyone who challenges that view. And/or fall in love with them. Luck of the draw.

Dating Misty and keeps denying knights crush on Mary. Used to have a crush on Prester until shield found out that he was gay.

Witch Hunter (Prester Virgil)

35

Transmasc Gay (He/Him)

Depression, PTSD

Grew up in an extremely strict, religious house with a doormat of a father and extremely religious mother, which caused him to have a lot of internalized homophobia, even after he transitioned, and takes it out on people who are extremely secure in their sexualities (ex. Diane, Holly). Also has both a fear and affinity for fire due to being shamed growing up as draconic-descended cog.

Dating Cosmo and sorta kinda dating the Satellite Investors. Also Diane's cousin.

Daffodil Gardens

Vice President (Allan Bravecog)

65

Cis Polyamorous Bisexual (He/Bulb/Radio/Static)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, PTSD

Grew up having people constantly trying to befriend him because he was extremely good at making connections, so tends to have people who he doesn't trust at arms length but pretends that they're closer. Married his college sweetheart Norman Bravecog (OC) and had Cathal around when they founded C.O.G.S along the other Chief Officers after they graduated college. Dotes on Cathal heavily because Cathal was the only child of theirs that survived through infancy.

Married to Norman and has an on-and-off-again thing with both Craig and Chris.

Bellringer (Benjamin Biggs)

38

Transmasc Salmacian Bisexual Gay (He/Ring/Bell/🔔/🛎️)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Autism

Grew up being praised for his healing ability but shamed for rings need to feed on oil, so has an energy of “I am perfect and if anyone argues that I am going to kill them and then myself”. Oh yeah, Benjamin is a vampire (sorta kinda) due to having vague leech-based programing and needing more oil than the average cog to allow for bells healing ability (has two oil tanks for that very reason).

Dating Brian and is a bit jealous of Mac and Winn (also is low-key crushing on them but shh).

Multislacker (Cathal Ray Toby Bravecog)

32

Genderapathetic Aroflux Cassexual (He/They/Tech/TV/📺)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Autism, ADHD

Grew up extremely coddled by his father for reasons mentioned above and quickly realized that it didn’t matter how hard they worked because everyone would assume that techs work was just tvs fathers, so became very tired and just decided to roll with it.

Has a friends with benefits relationship with High Roller and ends up developing feelings for Chip and Graham.

Mezzo Merryland

Chief Financial Officer (Chris P. Dollair)

66

Trans Bisexual Man (He/It/Cash/Coin/Bank/💸/💵/💰/🪙)

Paranoid Personality Disorder, OCD

Grew up extremely poor so has a lot of trust issues and money insecurity (will swing from penny pinching to splurging).

Is heavily crushing on Allan and Craig, while hooking up with Craig sometimes.

Mouthpiece (Belle Dama)

85

Transfemme Bisexual (She/Chatter)

Autistic

Has had a relatively boring life and works to help her husband, who is too disabled to work, and keep them afloat with help from their children. Visits her husband on the weekend but lives in Mezzo Merryland during the weeks. Is confused by her son's taste in men but is very supportive.

Has a husband named Peter and two kids: Tartarus (huh i wonder who that could be /sillly) and Emily (OC), as well as several grandchildren, with her favourite being Cassidy “Cassie” Dama, one of Emily’s children.

Major Player (Dave Brubot)

27

Melodyboy (Xenogender) Pan (He/Melody/Hymn)

ADHD, Autism

Grew up in a very large, musically inclined family so naturally drifted towards music as his main aspiration. Extremely extroverted and is the one who usually gets his friends to socialize.

Is dating Buck and is trying to encourage Buck to talk with Brian and Eerie.

The Brrgh

Chief Legal Officer (Diane Morsecode)

34

Cis Bi Lesbian (She/Legal/Law)

ADHD, Autism

Grew up similarly to Prester, but was the "star" child, but because of that, whenever she fails to do something, it hits extremely hard. Is both extremely annoyed at and extremely worried about Prester.

Is currently single, but isn't looking for anyone. As mentioned, is Prester's cousin.

Firestarter (Flint Bonpyre)

He/Fire/Flame/🔥/🧯

27

Transmasc Gay (He/Fire/Flame/🔥/🧯)

Anxiety, Depression, Scoliosis

Had a pretty normal childhood, growing from a weird girl into a weird boy. Met Graham first in high school and dated pre-transition and then met again in sophmore year in college post-transition and started dating (had a nice laugh about the fact that fate kept bringing them together).

Is dating Graham and used to date Chip in college (but still has lingering feelings about him)

Plutocrat (Cosmo Kuiper)

68

Cis Bisexual (He/Star/Constellation/Meteor/Planet/🌟/⭐/🌠/✨/💫/🪐)

ADHD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Grew up in a mob family and would have stayed only attached to it if C.O.G.S didn’t take over the town that he was the head of, leading to star reluctantly joining C.O.G.S. Took one look at Prester and went "oh i NEED to date that man".

Dating Prester and constellations investors, often showering them in gifts to let them know that meteor loves them.

Acorn Acres

Chief Executive Officer (Craig Edgar Oilcan)

69

Transmasc Genderfaun (He/It/They [Collective], He/Oil/One/Fore [Craig], It/Its [Justice], Edgar [He/They/Golf])

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, DID (Host: N/A, Headmates: Craig [Persecutor, Protector], Justice [Emotional Funnel], Edgar [Guilt Holder, Trauma Holder])

Grew up in an extremely cut throat family where it was essentially "succeed or get scrapped" which caused his system to form at an extremely young age. Applies that motto to a lot of its life, which is why they turned a blind eye to everything involving Chip.

Is deep in denial about the fact that he cares about Allan and Chris (doesn't want to admit that he's attached) and "rationalizes" it by hooking up with Chris and having a good business relationship with Allan.

Treekiller (Spruce Campbell)

46

Cis Gay Man (He/Wood/Gnaw/Log/Chop)

ADHD

Grew up in a large, relaxed family who were the types to encourage friends stay for dinner before they headed back home (especially when it came to Chip and his family). Is so worried about Chip, especially with how little he tells him about work nowadays.

Is single.

Chainsaw Consultant (Chip Revvington)

54

Boyflux (Chip) Agender (Override) Demi Bisexual Gay (Chip) Pan (Override) (He/Rev/Chainsaw/Saw [Chip], It/Its [Override])

Autism, DID (Headmates: Chip [Host], Override [Protector, Persecutor, Prosecutor, Emotional Funnel])

As mentioned in this post, grew up in a very oppressive, strict household that punished him for any sort of autistic behavior, leading towards Override to form to help mask revs autistic traits.

Chip is still not over Flint while Override is head over heels for Cathal, with their difference in romance causing a bit of a struggle in the system.

Drowsy Dreamland

Featherbedder (Tawney C. Esta)

98

Cis Gay (He/Sleep/Snore/Nap/Rest/Bed/Dream/💭/💤/🛏️)

Cis Gay

Insomnia, Depression

Grew up pretty ordinarily, but got depressed after his husband passed, but is now slowly healing from that.

Had a husband, and has grandchildren as well. Also has a bit of a “are they dating or just good friends” thing going on with Doppel (OC)

Pacesetter (Graham Ness Payser)

27

Transmasc Genderfast (Xenogender) Gay (He/Speed/Fast)

Transmasc Genderfast Gay

ADHD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Literally does not remember his childhood other than the fact that he had dated Flint in highschool. Only remembers his life post-transition, which is pretty ordinary and standard.

Is dating Flint and has a rivalry/crush thing going on with Multislacker.

So there you go!! That took. way too long but I hope you like!! Also if you have any questions please ask 'em!! This is a lot of fun to do :3

[fenrir-wolf-of-gotham]

I wish I could actually celebrate the birthday of a partner.

These episodes where I feel pathetic and lonely are getting more common again.

I just want to feel like I belong somewhere. Like I deserve to live. Like I have value as a person.

I think I relate to Cass so much because she loves everything and everyone so much but hates herself. I also believe every human has intrinsic value but don’t include myself in that. I don’t know if it’s because I grew up around people who hated my existence or what but I’ve never really felt like I belonged. Hell, I barely feel human in the first place.

This world can be so cruel and I see so many people saying to hang in there and that it gets better but it isn’t. College was supposed to be the time I met other nerds and fell in love for the first time. Instead, everyone barely acknowledges my existence and I can’t find a girl who likes me or relates to me.

My first date in college ended with her saying, “we’re just too different,” and I’m worried that’ll be the story forever.

I always see lesbians saying, “oh we love fail girls,” but I never see bisexual or straight girls saying the same for boys. You never see a girl saying, “oh I love the sad wet rat types.” You just don’t. You see it with fictional crushes a lot but never with real people.

I don’t want to die nor do I have the willpower to kill myself. This means I am marooned on an island in the middle of an ocean full of fish, my only respite being the daydreams in my head as I slowly wither away and die of thirst and, occasionally, the weather draws me from my hallucinations and I am stuck wishing for a quicker death.

God I hope things get better. I know they won’t but I hope they do.

[arwainian]

Reading This Week 2024 #30

This week took me to the very final page of the notebook I have been keeping my reading journal in since last October! which is very convenient, but also now i have to dig around my book shelf to find what half used notebook i want to convert toward this purpose. As a heads up I skimmed some articles this week I wont be including, but there will be a subsection in started/ongoing on books from the library that I've tested (lots of holds coming in at once) and whether I'll pick them up again or not

quick question, this log jumps between different genres pretty wildly [academic work on sexual violence to cute romance manga back to academic work on sexual violence]... would anyone prefer if i also sorted by genre/type? or are we cool with me mostly sticking to the timeline that i actually finished reading stuff? because my life and reading experience really does flip back and forth between these things

Finished:

settle the tab by blacksatinpointeshoes on ao3 reaching a point where I can return to friends at the table fanfiction after the post-project break is such a godsends bc there is so much good fic to catch up on! this fic by bsps (if you remember, an author i really loved during the reading project) is about Grand Magnificent being miserable and drinking martinis, a drink for people who hate themselves

The Water Outlaws by S.L. Huang, audiobook read by Emily Woo Zeller this book was blurbed by Shelley Parker-Chan, author of She Who Became the Sun which I am obsessed with, so I picked The Water Outlaws up on a whim when I saw it at the library a few weeks ago. i ended up having an easier time starting the audiobook just because it fit well with my chores and errands after I returned from visiting family. if you like badass women and chinese-inspired historical and fantasy action, go check this out! I had a good time

"Toward Acknowledging the Ambiguities of Sex: Questioning Rape Culture and Consent-Based Approaches to Sexual Assault Prevention" by Tuulia Law, Ch.12 in Violence Interrupted: Confronting Sexual Violence on University Campuses a really loved reading this. it gives a good history of various feminist approaches to sexual violence, and says some things that have been on a mind in my research. love to have a place where i can justify and cite my opinions (btw, cause the title is ambiguous, its about acknowledging that Obtaining Consent(tm) does not always prevent sexual harm for various reasons, and consent-based approaches often individualize the broad social issues at play

A Sign of Affection, Vol. 1 by suu Morishita, translated by Christine Dashiell shojo romance between polyglot boy and Deaf girl. not really feeling the chemistry between the leads, but I finished the first volume for the lush art and how sign language is represented in static images. not sure if i'll continue with further volumes but i might check out the anime

"Thinking Woman-to-Woman Rape: A Critique of Marcus's "Theory and Politics of Rape Prevention"" by Kelly Anne Malinen a very incisive critique, a great and critical literature review on different feminist theories of rape (including radical feminist text with their gender essentialism). i will definitely be using this in my writing!

"The Font of Liberty" by Elizabeth Porter Birdsall, narrated by C.J. Lavigne on the Lesbian Historic Motif Podcast i kinda forgot what this is about.... newspapers in Les Miserables era France?

Go For It, Nakamura! and Go For It Again, Nakamura! by Syundei, translated by Amber Tamosaitis the art style for this is charming, the disaster gay is at absolute maximum disaster for comedic effect, and it really does get you shouting "just make a move! you have a good chance!" at this shy teenager's crush on his outgoing classmate/friend

"Sex Wars and the Contemporary French Moral Panic: the Productivity and Pitfalls of Feminist Conflicts" by Cornelia Möser provides a much needed outside perspective on the U.S. feminist "sex wars" between "pro-sex" and "anti-porn" camps, and reminds me of the need for a multiplicity of approaches: what feels empowering for some overlaps with what feels oppressive for others

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown, audiobook read by Yu-Li Alice Shen if you are not, like me, a graduate student familiar with writing on anti-black oppression and on asexuality, a lot of this stuff might be new to you. but me as I am a lot of this felt like fairly obvious comparisons/parallels/intersections, so reading it was a bit tedious. however those chapters were worth getting through for Chapters 10 and 11. Ch.11 gives a pretty thorough amateur history of different namings of asexual experiences in theories of asexuality prior to the internet age (its not new!), and Ch. 10 does a really beautiful and compassionate re-reading of the lives of Langston Hughes and particularly Octavia E. Butler through asexuality and aromanticism

Gyo: The Death-Stench Creeps by Junji Ito, translated by Yuji Oniki the volume I read also included "the enigma of amigara" fault as a backup story! excited for the shelved by genre episode on it. made me go eugh.

You've Always Been There by kingofwickedskulls on ao3 if you really wanna leave, I'll never make you stay by hornyonside (birdlord5000) on ao3 first is pickman/collette hookup, second it jesset/brnine hookup, both are nice!

Just Sex? The Cultural Scaffolding of Rape, Second Edition by Nicola Gavey maybe the best book I've yet read on rape culture, and specifically on the gendered aspects of all kinds of sexual violence (pressure, coercion, etc) and let me be specific that the praise I am heaping on it is specifically for the 2nd edition, which in a completely new chapter contextualizes the way the arguments of the 1st edition were written and limited by its time of publication, as well as eloquently expanding on some of the arguments which had at first given me pause with reliable qualitative research. this makes me want to go out and write a gender based analysis of sexual violence against and among trans people, like Gavey calls for in her acknowledgement that a lot of her argument relies upon presuming she's talking exclusively about cisgender subjects

Started/Ongoing:

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle, audiobook read by Mara Wilson reading this for queer lit book club! currently on audiobook for the sake of doing chores and not reading everything with my tired tired eyes

How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe by Charles Yu reading for sff bookclub which i have been absent from for a bit! this is short and written in an experiemental style, so I'm excited to get deeper into it

Boys Run the Riot, Vol. 1 by Keito Gaku, translated by Leo McDonagh, Status: DNF This is a manga about a closeted trans boy, Ryo, starting a fashion branad with his cool slack off held-back-a-year classmate Jin. It was very cool to see a manga with a trans protagonist, but I'm not interested enough in the fashion stuff to stick it through all the volumes, and the art style didn't grab me enough to want to finish this one... Juniper & Thorn by Ava Reid, Status: to be continued! the cover of this book was done by an artist i like so I'm checking it out, first chapter or so it promising fairytale inspired stuff Black Water Sister by Zen Cho, status: to be continued! looks popular, its queer modern fantasy i think? first chapter is intriguing

Reading Plans:

continue with book club reads more articles on sexual violence there's a book on feminism and foucault i need to read i have stone butch blues out from the library i am slowly crumbling to dust under a pile of books please help

[mitsuki91]

would love to know more abt your clemensia hcs if u have any!! especially in the genderbend au!

Hi! I have plenty of hcs of her!

Of course my main is that she and Coryo are besties and partners in crime. She is the only one who knows about the poison when Snow starts using it and not only that, she helps him and approve. Another headcanon is that she hates dr Gaul after the snakes and in some of my stories (not all) she will always have scales and, in the worst case, she will have another permanent effect... She will be sterile. She will not be able to have children, ever, and that's why she and Coryo will not end up together: Coryo values heirs, and he has to be with a woman who can give him children. Also, for Coryo, he loves her so much but in a twisted way he knows she deserve better so he doesn't want to be with her romantically because Clemmie has to have a chance at true love. Another headcanon I have is that she is lesbian or bisexual (and if bisexual, Coryo is pretty much the only man she is attracted too). A thing about her (and her relationship with Coryo) is that they don't need to talk to understand each other. In fact, they rarely talk about deep things, and prefer to not acknowledge the big things between them while at the end of the day everything works for the best for them. For example in one of my stories Clemmie knows about the Coryo's food situation and she shares her snacks at school with him without talking. In the same way Coryo knows something is wrong in her home (also in only one story, in others she has loving parents and nothing wrong) so he lets her copy his homeworks without batting an eye. That's how their relationship work. Another headcanon only about Clemmie is that the snake incident change her in a way that she is no longer an happy girl, so she always has this neutral expression and almost never smile anymore.

Anyway, for specifically genderbend au headcanon... Well, lesbian Clemmie was always secretly in love with Corinna, but as the rest of the school she thinks that Corinna has a crush on Sejanus and she tries not to think about a potentially love story with her. I mean, it will never happen, so what's the point? Better be realistic. (And that's the canon with the Snowjanus au, at the end of the day).

Then Corinna tooks everyone by surprise because not only she fell in love with Lucius Gray Baird at the point to be expelled and sent to serve, but she comes back less then an year later heavly pregnant with twins. Clemmie is now sure she would never have a chance and support her bestie with the best she can, and also pity (but envy) Sejanus who is clearly not past his crush but also lives with the couple and is involved in the twins care. Clemmie is always the second in Corinna's climb for power and as in other stories helps her with the poisoning (Corinna doesn't poison herself here) and against paparazzi who want to write scoops about the new president's home (because she is married with a District, had children so young and outside of marriage, and Sejanus still lives with her and Lucius). With times she and Sejanus bond until the night they both confessed their tragic crush of Corinna (I mean... Clemmie tried but at the end of the day is not easy to forger your first love when you work with her everyday and also you killed for her, really killed people for your loved one) and decided that the best course of action is to be together so they can be miserable together at least (coff coff Lucius somehow suggested this because he is in wonder about Clemmie since he knows she killed to protect his family and he has a little crush on her, because Lucius is unhinged like this, and so he wants her close). That's lead Corinna to be extra jealous, first about Sejanus even if she doesn't even admit it to herself, and Lucius (who knows that Corinna had a crush on Sejanus since forever and see in this an opportunity to have Clemmie too) talks to his wife and they both decided that they both will have both Sejanus and Clemmie. So happy ending for all of them 😂

... I suppose that's it 😂

[myloisarat]

Crush Culture -Gwourtney short fic-

It's the day before Valentine's and Courtney’s laying by her ex's side, in a bed, watching Legally Blonde.

And now she thinks of it, isn’t that just pathetic, she should be studying. Even id she's far surpassed most of her classes from sheer willpower alone and now is ahead in possibly every aspect you can be.

And yet sitting down to an exam still makes her stomach churn in a way she would never admit to anyone. She shuffles in the sheets lifting herself off her back to gauge Duncan’s reactions to whoever he’s texting on his phone, Gwen probably. He’s girlfriend.

Courtney sours at the thought of her, a lanky, pale goth girl who had done just what Courtney had been telling herself she would for years, and stole her boyfriend. It had bothered her alot at first but now, in hindsight, Duncan was totally dead weight. She bit her lip and turned to her side.

At least she had something on Duncan that could make his stomach churn and his face twist in anguish just as she had. Gwen had slid into her DM’s about five weeks ago. While she and Duncan were together, asking if they had broken up, asking if she had a shot. With Courtney.

Courtney was scared out of her wits at the mere idea had shut that down real fast, sliding out of instagram and blocking her. Which may have been an extreme reaction but it was to keep herself focused.

She was admittedly the tiniest bit acknowledging Gwen's attractiveness. One so much more appealing than Duncan’s brand of shitty jokes and just plain sexism. But she hadn’t trusted herself so she deserted that moment because it had the possibility of happening. Now she studied a picture of Gwen, Gwen who was a bit of a viral blogger in her own right who drew online for commerce beside college and had her own blog.

Logged into the incognito browser and admired her black nails and chunky platform boots that had straps and black streaks all across them, she bit her lip again.

Fuck.

Duncan let out a chuckle at something on screen and Courtney turned away from the fluorescent light of her phone, she focused on the movie.

—-

“Uh hey Ms Class President.” a sardonic voice called out from across the hall. Courtney recognised that vice and so the tight grip on her bag straps began to loosen and she relaxed. Before she realised that, she recognised that voice and it was one of the ones she’d feared most. Still she obliged and turned around, she was after all ‘Ms Class President’.

“Gwen.” Courtney says, swivelling around.

“Hey.”

Gwen smirks. Taking time to look Courtney over with a satisfied smirk on her face.

“Hey, Courtney, how's life?” She asks leaning against Courtney’s locker cornering against the masses of college students that continue to crowd around the highschool halls. She felt hot and squished.

“It's good, I’m on top of everything and shit so it's good, what about you?” Courtney asks, looking up at her, observing heavy eyeliner and dark red lipstick. ‘Different’ she thinks amusedly.

“I’m good, really good.” She leans closer to Courtney and then Courtney notices a small thing, something that she’s clutching between pale fingers.

“Actually I came here to give you something…” She hands Courtney a note, on graph paper.

“Thanks.” Courtney says take it cautiously.

Gwen gestures to it encouraging her to read it. Courtney does.

Wanna do shit behind the girls' dorms :)

Courtney hacked a bit at that, “Oh my god!"

"Gwen!"

Gwen smirks, “I don’t know if this was clear but I am actually totally into you, by shit I mean the fact that ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’ is playing outside on the field by the girls' dorms tonight, I heard it was pretty romantic.” She says.

“I would love to watch a movie about elderly lesbians in the 80’s, especially with you." Courtney says, she rubs the back of her neck and catches Gwen's grin.

"My intention was to set the mood, you know, to focus on us. Focus on whatever this is happening between us." Gwen says.

"I want flowers next time, but yeah I'd really like that."

+ Courtney redesign

[xviistrings]

hello why do you think chie is straight. sorry if this is a stupid question or if i sound angry (i’m not) but i’m genuinely curious

so sorry for laughing when i first saw this it's just a very atypical question. last time i got someone asking "why do you think haru is lesbian when she seems straight?" and now i'm getting "why do you think chie is straight when she seems lesbian?". we are so progressive you guys

but yeah no hard feelings, i get this is an unpopular opinion and i am actually more than happy to explain!

so there's more to the headcanon than just heterosexuality, because i also see her as a trans woman! the two have a very big overlap and one would not work without the other in my eyes.

saying "she only ever expresses attraction to guys and not girls so she's straight" is a bad summary of my thoughts, but it does play into it. "expressing attraction" in this context does include the heavy queer subtext that is 100% present in persona 4 i can't deny that at all

a huge central aspect of chie's internal conflict is that she deems herself unworthy of love because she's not feminine enough. her shadow says she's failed as a woman and no boy will ever love her. that insecurity, feeling alienated from your own gender because you don't fit the standard image of it, that's definitely transgender in my eyes. maybe i'm projecting tho.

specifically, the insecurity lies within appealing to the male gaze. during the beauty pageant, chie plays up this timid and feminine persona (WOAH!) just to get the guys' attention. and those traits are the ones yukiko inhabits, and the ones chie envies.

that's another thing. yukiko, in juxtaposition to chie, is well-liked by a lot of the boys and they usually only talk to chie in order to get to yukiko, which is why chie always changes herself around guys so when yukiko inevitably rejects them, chie is there as their second option, acting as "appealing" as she could possibly get.

also, yukiko, in juxtaposition to chie, most definitely likes chie. she is absolutely a lesbian but i think the codependency was interpreted differently between them. to yukiko, chie was the girl who really liked her and she liked her back and they were going to run away together one day, but to chie, yukiko was the girl who she thought was superior to her and now that she's dependent on her it's boosting her ego. big one-sided crush energy.

i know i know i know that chie does actually care for yukiko. that's apparent. i've been jealous of friends before and still saw them as my friends, yes. yes yes chie said she needed yukiko and she was so eager to save her that she was willing to endanger herself, but is it such a stretch to say that doesn't have to be romantic?

i'm a very firm believer of platonic love and breaking down the relationship hierarchy and to me that means normalizing being deeply devoted to a friend. no romance involved. chie and yukiko are deeply devoted, i acknowledge that, but that doesn't mean they have to date, and that doesn't mean their relationship is any less valuable because of it.

also the whole thing behind chie "needing" yukiko is really an ego matter and not a sexuality matter. HOWEVER yukiko calling chie her prince, a concept she introduced in a romantic context, is definitely questionable

i've seen someone argue that all of this could boil down to comphet, and sure that's plausible, but when it comes to personal opinions over actual facts, i simply just disagree. chie's attraction to guys just doesn't really feel like a homosexual forcing themselves to like the opposite gender, but more of an insecure teenager desperate to be loved, which is universal amongst queer and het people alike.

chie's social link is about her learning to love herself, and takeshi or whatever his name was acts like an antagonist of sorts. he's the exact kind of guy chie continuously falls for, some douchebag who just talks to her because she's a direct train to the much cooler yukiko. but she acts different around him so when he's rejected, he falls back on her.

but chie does not settle for him, and she basically tells him to fuck off. she gets higher standards and she tells us that she wants to become someone strong and independent yet available to lean on, a protector, a role that isn't traditionally feminine! because fuck gender roles!

it's another key part of chie's character, that she's not traditionally feminine. she's loud and energetic and a more dominant force than a submissive one (don't make this weird), and although i really hate romance routes in persona, i think the foundation of the relationship between her and the protag is that even if she's like that and she's not going to change, he still loves her for who she is and doesn't make her feel like less of a woman. unlike TAKESHI FUCK THAT GUY UGH

i think it's relevant that the guy chie has a solid relationship is... well... a guy. because i think instead of just saying "fuck you" to all guys she gets a new perspective on dating and specifically dating men which is good. it's just a very different lesson otherwise and one they weren't going for initially... not that i agree with everything persona 4 says.

and like i said i really hate romance routes because i think the protagonist, as a character and not as an insert, is not compatible with like 99.9% of the girls he can date; that's why i see chie getting with a different male character who i will gladly talk about if i am asked but because nobody's asking and that will definitely add 5 jillion other parts to this rant, i won't... (please ask)

i think chie and yukiko as a couple are. okay? i do like the complexity of their relationship but i prefer yukiko having a crush on chie, chie not reciprocating, she politely rejects her, but they stay good friends and learn how to be independent. that way chie doesn't need to feel jealous and yukiko doesn't need to feel powerless! yay!

i also have another preferred pairing for yukiko that nobody asked about but i will talk about it if i'm asked... maybe even in the same post as chie x random boy... maybe... please (my followers know too well and they're sick of it i think)

actually this did turn out very long. um. you get my point though. i just feel like transhet chie is more impactful for her character than lesbian chie is. beeee who you areee for your prideeee. wow it's dark in here

[jacksprostate]

i see this anon ask you cool stuff all the time so I thought I'd take a jab at it(even though it reallyIS kind of a stupid question,) but do you believe love is real? i like hearing ur takes on things boss and I'd like to hear your input on this too :p

- THEEE SUPERFAN ANON hello why do they make the text with fontsSO MUCH BIGGER

Hello! Yes I do, I love my mom, I love my cats, I love the world and nature and people and infrastructure and fish and ecology, and I love my girlfriend :)

As a more in depth response, yes. Resoundedly. Love and wonder are things I've really tried to cultivate for myself and doing so in a critical manner is what got me past the Intense Hopelessness that comes after Realizations (as mentioned in my other recent post). It is inextricable from my interacting with the world. I don't have much to say in all honestly because this is very foundational to me.

As for if you meant romantic love specifically, also yes. I've had a much more convoluted experience with that since I was in great denial about my sexuality for a very very long time, to some extensive degrees. Even when I came to terms with the fact that I was a lesbian, I remained in denial and numb to any romantic feelings I had. In general, I am very even keel in a way that makes it easy for me to dismiss things, and subconsciously, I was doing that a lot. Romance was something that sounded nice, but I was alright without, and thought would never happen.

And then my girlfriend told me she had a crush on me, haha. And I had to take a good long look at myself and how I was feeling, and it sort of felt like prying open a clam and I'm doing the prying and I'm also the clam, and it still sort of feels like that sometimes, but I was, thankfully, in a place where I was able to acknowledge how I felt, even though I'd originally been oblivious to it.

It's been going great. It's long distance, which sucks, but we still make time for each other. She visited recently and it was amazing. I was so worried that somehow I'd tricked myself, you know? But no. We bumbled over kissing and stuff and I felt like a fool and it was absolutely perfect because it's how it was for us.

I think, I could live without romance, and I would be okay. But it's really nice. I like loving and trusting someone like I do my girlfriend. I love feeling close with her. I love sharing things with her. Everything I do with her just feels a bit sweeter.

So yes, I do think love exists. Love as a whole is a foundational part of human society, really. And romance is a big part, too. I don't think it's terrible to go without it, god knows me and her kind of both took our time before starting our first real relationship, but it's very, very nice if you find it.

[girderednerve]

ok i'm doing it, i'm fandomposting, my treasured mutuals may at this point look away, etc etc

stranger things

i actually think it would be fun if eddie strangerthings was trans. i like trans people and i want more trans people in stories so i'm not defending this viewpoint. i just think it would be extremely funny if steve had a whole figuring out he's bi over eddie thing, they get together & are happy together for a year or so, and then eddie comes out to steve as a woman, at which point steve gets to do an extremely funny "wait. wait. i'm straight again. i'm straight again? i'm so straight i knew you were a woman before you did? that's what happened?" i would just really like steve to be the kind of straight guy who actually, you know, likes women. not that he's never an idiot about it in this scenario which i have lovingly crafted in my brain, just that he actually really likes women and he's happy that he's dating a woman.

i did this with my partner, whom i started dating before i knew she was a woman: we then got to joke for a bit that when i thought i was a lesbian i was right! there was in fact no discontinuity! no thoughts on if that's actually true or like theoretically rigorous, but it's a fun & mildly affirming joke to make with your partner, and i think all of my life experiences should be explored through silly stories about made-up people from bad television shows or whatever. i never claimed to be deep. anyway

canonically, eddie spends all this time performing an extremely specific flavor of metal masculinity that is high-risk in context. people hate him and he leans into it when we see him. the fact that he's performing is a deflection to some degree; he gets to control what people are responding to, even if he can't control how they respond. transgressive gender performance is part of that, and it's compelling to me.

the scene where eddie's talking to chrissy, which i do think was meant to nod at the 80s movie freak+prom queen romance, is a moment of mutual recognition; they literally acknowledge each other's performances. chrissy's being crushed alive by the kind of gender performance she has to do. there's a cost to being a thin cheerleader, although i think we're all reasonably tired of hearing about how hard it is to be popular and conventionally beautiful. she's swamped by jason's letterman jacket & pigeonholed by his expectations of her, and she's frankly pigeonholed in the narrative: beautiful, self-loathing in a cliché way, condemned to die before the end of the first episode and then be invoked as a justification for a witch hunt. nothing but a martyred white woman, the most gendered kind. eddie & chrissy play off of each other in an interesting way, and i'd much rather they just be girlfriends, but what show did i watch? not that show.

honestly eddie & robin would be pretty cute too, but woe betide who first creates the ao3 tag, am i right? actually, while i'm dumping all my weird stranger things takes in here, i think steve and robin should fuck exactly one time because she's curious what it's like and he's willing to indulge her. they both go "huh. well, okay" about it and continue being friends. this does a couple things for me: one, it's funny. two, it suggests to us that men & women can have sexual relationships which are not gravitational, which i like. three, i'm annoyed by the fandom trend with those two being that they have an extremely intense, codependent friendship but the very idea that they have sex is outright offensive. two dudes giving each other a handjob which doesn't have to be sexuality-defining is like, a fandom trope! do we think that robin's identity is so fragile that she can't fuck around a little bit, in the interests of finding out?

[mithliya]

i agree that in the end there's no one we detransitioners hurt more than ourselves. and i too have to admit that it also hurted immensely to watch your favourite media personalities turn to gender shit.

i was gnc even before i realised that im a lesbian. i grew up in eastern europe, and didn't know that real love between women is even possible, that its called being a lesbian. everything around me implied that im bound to marry a man in the end, give birth to children and be a mother. and it was scary. i secretly dreamt of waking up a boy one day because then i would be able to marry a nice girl. when i got my own access to the internet, i was exposed to even more misogyny and it made me spiral even further to the point of dreading growing up, feeling disgusted and trapped in my own body etc. but on the other hand i slowly found about homosexuality and other stuff. and so i discovered other gnc women. famous gnc women. when i was a teen, i think i had a celebrity crush on Rain Dove(i still find her very attractive), and listened to JD Samson and LP. (i sorta built my own teen separatist utopia in my online space, when i only watched and listened to and read what gnc and lesbian women had to offer) it was like a breath of fresh air for me. and then women who were just like me, whom i looked up to one by one started to proclaim themselves non-binary and proceed to promote that rhetoric further. it threw me back so hard i got depressed. i was bullied by my dad for "looking too much like Jolie's tif daughter". it took me long to stabilise myself back. im still dysphoric, some times feel worse than others, but nothing i can't bear really.

now i don't think that those women caused more damage than my misogynistic environment,my school, classmates, dance class, family, social media etc., they just reopened the old wound in an unstable teen. but i can't help feeling wronged by them a little bit. i don't place the whole blame on them, at least not equal to what misogynistic society's done to me first. as well as i don't think that their fault as celebrities is anywhere near to anything that a regular detrans woman may have of feel. but i do think that people like them, who helped to spread those ideologies, even if it came from their own traumas and discomfort caused by misogyny, have to take some responsibility for their actions, once they decide to detrans or desist. at least for leading young, gnc, lesbian, mentally ill or unstable, autistic girl to the gender bs.

(thanks for reading my rumbling. i can also call my feelings very subjective, because i acknowledge that after all this time i still feel angry at the world, and at the environment those women had become a part of, that led a little anxious insecure girl i was to think there was actually something wrong with her. can also be the case. bc page's transition also hit harder than i wanted, even though i already was a radfem)

btw shiloh jolie (john) is not trans, shes just a gnc girl and i think its awesome that her mom let her explore that stuff and called her john (as shiloh requested) bc its what allowed her to grow up to be gnc unapologetically rather than self-hating.

i get where ur coming from though, i think its a pretty toxic cycle in general, like many gnc women & girls buy into that ideology because of how it targets them & then further promote it which slowly impacts more and more gnc people negatively. i just think that people have a lot of unnecessary hostility and presumptiveness towards detrans people that acts like these detrans people were personally responsible for this cycle existing, as if they also werent harmed by that same rhetoric and aren't actively fighting against it by being vocal against it. that said, of course it's important to go against your past wrongs and to try to right them, my issue is that people assume the worst of detrans people & don't realise that its detrans people fighting against those wrongs the hardest right now, alongside gnc people.