#I think posting this frequently probably means I need to sleep soon

[spaghetticat3899]

Thinking about that one time when I was pretty small (no clue what age, to be honest), and I was asked what animal I thought Sonic was by my sister (not knowing the franchise was Sonic the hedgehog), and I came to the absolutely flawless conclusion that since his ears were pointy, he was a cat.

Child me was not the brightest creature to grace the planet.

[otherone12]

Comics And "Something"

Gerard Way x Brazilian!Reader 

-> Masterlist

A/N: Hey!! Well... days ago my intrusive thoughts just won and i wrote a Gerard Way imagine (because why not)... and then I received this request... I've been bored, so maybe i'll post some emo imagines (mcr, p!atd, fob, paramore...) frequently?? Idk. If have requests, I will certainly make them... and i will post a part2 of the “I Can Help You With That” :)

~ "Could you do another imagine with Gerard and a Brazilian reader? (Perhaps the reader is Gabriel Bá's sister) ...I don't know if it's an interesting request :("

Summary - Your brother worked with Gerard for a while, but you've never really met him until now 'cause you live in another country (Brazil). Fortunately, Gerard is gonna stay at your brother's home for a week, to work on a new project. You both don't know what happens when you've seen each other, but it was CLEARLY something.

- Word Count: 1.570

- Warnings: Age gap? (not smut!)

- Ps1: I'll not use y/n…

- Ps2: I'm brazilian, so english is not my first language ... sorry if i wrote something wrong.

Damn... sorry for the superlong intro *-*

___________________________________________

Reader's 1st Person POV

I woke up 3 am and looked at my phone just to see three missed calls and an absurd amount of texts from my brother. I can't believe that this man is like forty-something years old and can't even wait till the morning to tell me whatever he wanted to tell me.

Even though I'm tired, I read every single one of the messages. None of them has a real meaning, was like "are you awake?", "i need to talk to you", "it's important!"

Why the fuck he did'nt just tell me what is going on insted of doing this?? 

I called him back and he dropped the news: Gerard Way will spend a whole week in my brother's house!

- Realy?! - I shout at phone

- Yep... he's gonna stay here for a while... don't act like a stoned, please. - i heard a bit of a desperate tone in his voice, like he wasn't kidding.

- What do you mean? - I said, trying not sound offended, even if i was.

- I know you for 25 years, dear... you can't keep MCR lyrics references out of your mouth for too long. - He chuckles.

He's right... i can't, the same way i can't swim, can't dance and i don't know karate.

- I don't know why you think I'm gonna be weird or something... it's not like I'm a fangirl. Not anymore. - I argued.

- Sure... - his sarcasm always makes me mad - By the way, we'll be busy working, so i will need your help here... can you stay with us in my place?

- Yeah, but why do you need me? Don't you think I'm gonna "act like a stoned"?

- Honestly? I KNOW you're gonna be creepy, but I can't cook, and i refuse to buy shitty North American food for Gerard when he's here. 

- OH, FINE! - I couldn't help but take it as a challenge, I'm gonna be there and act normal, because that's what i am, right? A normal person - I get it. So no cheeseburgers and stuff? 

- NO! You can cook something nice, right?

- I can try... 

- Awesome! See ya tomorrow at 8pm in the airport to pick Gerard up. Good night. 

-  Bye! 

Yeah, sure, how the hell does he expect me to sleep? I mean, when I was a teenager, Gerard was my hero. I'm not that kind of fan anymore, but still, I like him so much. 

Gabriel never introduced us appropriately, probably 'cause I was ‘that’ creepy fan, or the long distance between the countries made it impossible for me to travel. Anyways… just didn't happen yet.

*** time skip ***

I don't know why, but I just imagined the scene of Gerard going out of the airplane and thousands of paparazzis just screaming and taking pictures of him… I was surprised that didn't happen, I know the people here and we can be really crazy sometimes. By the way, Gabriel and I was waiting for him.

Soon, along with several other passengers, We could see him, who was looking for the familiar face of my brother in the crowd. The smile emerged on his face in the moment they made eye contact. 

Damn this man is so good looking… Suddenly I remembered why I had that crush on him.

-Hey, How long, man?! - Gabriel said with a smile as he opened his arms to hug Gerard.

- Hell yeah! How have you been? - That pretty smile still in his face.

- Great! Better now that i know we'll gonna work together again!

I just couldn't stop looking at him… I think he noticed, ‘cause he looked back at me.

-Lemme guess… Your sister, right? - The lovely look on his eyes as he extended his hand to greet me made my face burn. - He talks alot about you, I was excited to finally meet you!

- So as I! - I shaked his hand and smile back at him, trying not to overdo it.

- She's A huge fan! 

The death look I gave Gabriel made Gerard laugh a bit, but not enough to make me feel more embarrassed than I already was.  

-Well, that's true, but why don't we go home? - i said - You need help with that? 

I pointed to the two suitcases he was carrying.

-That's fine. I can handle two of them. Thanks! - i swear, his eyes was glowing… im not that crazy! 

We put Gerard's things in the trunk of my brother's car and we went back home. 

During the way, all I could think about were those hazel eyes and how I felt a connection... it was inexplicable, maybe it's just nonsense in my head. But there's always a ‘maybe not’, right?

Gerard's 1st person POV

I don't know what that was. But THAT was fucking something! The way she look? Maybe, but not just that. don't know! 

I haven't even talked with her, but I hope we have time to get to know each other well. Because that was something.

At home, Gabriel showed me the office and the room i'll stay in.

He has such a pretty house, and all the pencils, markers, and art stuff get me even more excited to start work. But his sister is still in my mind... The best I can do now is go to sleep, cause all the way in the airplane just stressed me out.

Reader's 1st person POV

First things first, i woke up early to do exactly the thing my brother wants me to do: cook. 

I was distracted preparing coffee, and heard a familiar voice from the back of the kitchen.

-Morning… - Even though his voice was dragging because he had just woken up, he still sounded so good. 

Gerard sat at the table while I finished preparing breakfast.

- Morning! How was your night? Did you sleep well? - I asked, trying to start a conversation.

- Yeah, really well, and the feeling of waking up with this smell is just amazing! - He smiled, rubbing his eyes.

- I'm glad you like it. - the feeling of relief and joy took over me, I think being normal will be easier than I imagined…

*** time skip ***

The next two days was normal, just small talks, because the purpose of him coming was not to talk to me, but to work, right? Still, it would be nice to take an hour or two just to talk.

Or not, i keep thinking about the feeling in the airport, i want to feel that again. 

Gabriel left early this morning to look for who knows what, which ended up making room for a break from work. 

I was sitting on the couch, watching a rerun of my favorite movie when Gee appeared in the living room and sat next to me.

-Finally a break, hun? - he said, with his usual smile, which by the way I always thought was beautiful - Don't get me wrong, I love to do that, but sometimes Gabe just goes too deep.

- Yeah, I know… he is intense. Family thing, I guess… - I chuckled and turn the TV off, so we could talk. - Same eyes and same craziness.

We laughed for a moment, but he seemed to concentrate on confirming the similarity between my eyes and my brother's eyes. A shiver went down my spine when the look stopped being critical and became appreciative. It's incredible how artists can vary between technique and feeling.

The situation made me want to kiss him, but I think this is out of the limits, considering his relationship with my brother. I respect that and never gonna do something that could ruin it. 

-  Transcendently impressive… - The way he spoke made it seem like he was in some kind of trance. - Your eyes. 

I gasped in shock. I didn’t know what to say. I just stood still, while my breath was panting.

-Thanks! - I pulled from somewhere within me the confidence to thank and return the compliment. - I can say the same about yours, maybe even more.

- I think you're exaggerating, but thank you - I thought the situation would be awkward, but Gee seemed increasingly comfortable with my company. - May I ask you something?

- Sure! - My curiosity barely let him finish the sentence. - Anything.

- Did you feel that at the airport? - He sighed as if taking a huge weight off his chest. - Because i did. Sorry if it sounds weird or...

- Thank God! I thought i was freak out. So there WAS something. - I quickly got up from the couch and practically jumped for joy. - The last days i couldn't barely sleep thinking of you! Well, not YOU but the whole situation and-

It happened so quickly that I couldn't register in my mind when he stood up, even less could I believe that he cut me off with a kiss. 

-I thought about you too, sugar… 

Before I could do anything, he kissed me again, that feeling it was becoming clearer and clearer, with every second my lips remained close to his.

The next few days were a bit different… not like we just makeout a lot of times, but some quick looks, kisses and conversations. We discovered that we have more in common than we imagined…

Now, taking advantage of Gerard's last moments here, I decided that I would help him pack his bags, so that we could make, whatever our relationship is, last longer. While we were talking, I couldn't help but notice the t-shirt he was putting on his suitcase. 

-Oh my god, i didn't notice… you brought THE shirt! 

- What do you mean? - He was confused, but then he looked at the shirt and noticed why.

- “Pool Boy At The Vampire Mansion” shirt… it's like THE shirt!  

- Ya know? Keep it.

- WHAT? I don't think-

- You heard me. - He smiled, in the cutest way a human being can smile.- I want you to keep it. I don't know when we're gonna seen each other again, so… 

Gerard dropped the shirt in the bed and got closer to me, placing his hands on my waist and, getting even closer, he pressed his lips to mine gently. The kiss became deep as we let ourselves be carried away by the heat of the moment. 

-This week was perfect. - He said, placing his hand on my cheek and looking into my eyes. - I wish it didn't end now. You know, sugar, I think we could work out… be something. 

- I'm sure that we can make it happend- I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into a kiss even more intense than the last. The feeling of hope made it seem like time would stop at that moment. 

~ That's it. Hope u enjoyed :)

[archivalofsins]

Hey, this isn't going to be a long post because I want to get back to playing Caligula Effect 2. However, confirmed that Double is mostly a dream with small snippets of reality while MeMe is reality with breaks into dreams. Also that the graphs we see displayed distortedly throughout Double are a polysomnography.

X X

"I’m probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon." - "All I did was dream, and that’s what you found GUILTY? “He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

So, let's talk about this for a bit.

all gifs made by @apatchworkstar

So, in Caligula Effect 2 there's a heavy focus on the meaning of the word dream. It's highlighted multiple times that a dream can be something you have at night while sleeping or refer to something you want to do in the future. So, throughout double the word dream itself even has a double meaning.

I think that when John states all he did was dream contextually he's referring to the dreams one has when they sleep. I believe this because the structure of Double as I stated before is more dream like than MeMe. Though I have another pertinent reason for believing this outside of that. Let's discuss the telltale signs of a dream displayed throughout Double first.

1. Takes place mainly in one location.

Unlike MeMe where we change locations frequently. From the underpass to the inside of their home, to the dumping area outside of their home, to their bathroom. Double is limited to the train station and the train only. Despite seeing John commuting he never makes it home or to work. He is confined to this location.

2. Seemingly endless terrains. (Never-ending passages or areas that seem to go on forever.)

3. Partial literacy or none. (Not everyone can read within dreams but those who can rarely can read the same thing twice. Instead the words will either keep changing or go blank.)

People who can read in dreams are pretty rare. They tend to be in communications based professions or writers.

CAN YOU READ IN YOUR DREAMS? SCIENCE REVEALS WHY MOST PEOPLE CAN'T

There are also other things that can't be done in dreams according to other sources.

X

That are helpful when it comes to differentiating between reality and dream in Mikoto's case. Also bringing more scrutiny to John's statements during the interrogation where he claims they attacked random strangers on the street an impossibility if it was really a dream like they both claim. We see in Double that none of the people have faces, they're all mannequins.

Since John stated he attacked some stranger it makes sense for everyone in Double to appear this way because in dreams you can't really just create a full ass person that you've never seen before. So, this makes everyone in John's version of events a stranger to him. However, you know where that's definitely not the damn case.

In MeMe where we see this guy plain as day-

As Mikoto does a very physical activity. However, this is a good time to interject- Dreams are very personalized.

Personal anecdote. I once had a dream when I was in a bookstore, and I was browsing around. I'd read a book I'd liked but I was unsure if I wanted to really commit to purchasing it but there was limited time was there with others, I had like twenty minutes at most, and I'd looked at a clock just to see what time that'd be. When I went to skim the book again it was blank. Then I looked at the clock and it was blank too. I was in high school at the time and had already looked into information around dreams and became acutely aware I was which led to a bit of lucid dreaming before I woke up. In other dreams I've been in fights, used weapons etc. even ran for a good while.

So, yeah, I've done physical activities in my dreams before, and I've seen people I know and have never known in my dreams too. It's different for everyone.

Yet, it's still valid to question-

Why would Double something primarily from John's perspective follow the rules of dreams more than Mikoto's?

If what they did was just a dream, then those rules should be applicable to both songs not just one.

It's not as though all of MeMe just shows the reality of the situation either. In fact, dream and reality are more neatly separated within their first trial song. Something that is displayed by one of those things listed. The inability to look in mirrors.

And being confined to one place regardless of how it changes over the course of the video.

So, yes there are very logical ways to discern between what is a dream and what is reality within Mikoto's trial songs. Milgram has done nothing to hide this. They even further displayed this by putting dream in large font for all to see over most of double.

Yet what's the other thing that makes me so sure that when John is discussing dreaming, he's discussing the dreams you have while sleeping and Mikoto is discussing dreams for the future?

For one Mikoto is specifically paired with the woman who sings this-

"Is the damage to get in the way of someone’s dream."- "If it damaged someone’s dream to the points of stopping it I’ll gouge you out with my fangs."

So chances are a part of the reason they were connected is because they lashed out due to someone gettting in the way of their personal goals and dreams. Yet there's also the fact he plainly fucking states what his dream was in his written trial one interrogation.

Q.04 Are you picky when it comes to fashion?

Mikoto: Of course I am. Nobody would want to ask for anything from an unfashionable designer, right?

06 What do you hate?

Mikoto: working overnight / reptiles / violence

Q.14 Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?

Mikoto: It’d be nice if I could build up my own self-sustaining design business. That’d be pretty liberating.

"Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying? Cling to me, hoist me up as your “savior”, stand up and sing out your gratitude, that’d be good."

Mikoto even uses similar verbage to that used in his first written interrogation when asked about these things in the lyrics of Double. Such as right, and that'd be good.

So, yeah there's all that.

[starstruckunknown-princess]

Sweet Pea - Steve Rogers x Reader

Sweet Pea (Lathyrus odoratus) - Meaning: Thank you for a lovely time, farewell

Summary: While on the run, Steve comes to reader for comfort. What starts as a series of one night stands turns into so much more.

Pairing: Nomad!Steve x Reader

Word Count: 955

Warnings: Allusions to smut, Steve leaving notes and being sweet, domestic fluff, dirty notes and drawings, the Blip, angst, Steve freaking out

Day 14 brings us some fluffy angst with our favorite Nomad!

In Bloom Masterlist

Likes, comments, and reblogs are SUPER appreciated! ❤️

You kept the notes squirreled away in a small box in the back of your sock drawer. Steve always left one, using whatever scrap of paper was nearby. After the first few notes you’d taken to keeping post-its and a pen on your nightstand, which he used from then on to leave you his sweet farewells. 

The first few notes were stiff, formal, things like ‘Thank you for a lovely time, Sincerely Yours, Steve’ or ‘I truly appreciate you, Best, Steve’ like he was thanking you for picking up his dry cleaning rather than letting him fuck you into next week. 

At the beginning of your relationship, he’d only come by your safe house after dark and would leave almost right after you passed out. The more times he visited, the more comfortable he got and the longer he would linger. Sometimes you’d wake up in the wee hours with him spooning you, snoring adorably, but he’d always be gone by morning, a note left for you stuck to your coffee maker, a full pot already made. 

He was sweet like that. 

‘Thanks for last night. You’re incredible. <3 Steve’

‘I’ll miss you, but I won’t be gone long. <3 Steve’

‘See you soon, beautiful. <3 Steve’ 

The little doodled heart next to his name made your heart stutter. 

His visits became more frequent, from once every few months to once a month to every other week or so. More often than not, you woke up next to him. The first time that happened you’d shaken him awake, afraid he was late to something or needed to go. He’d smiled his classically handsome smile and simply folded you back into his arms. 

“Go back to sleep, sweetheart,” he said, voice still thick with sleep. “I don’t have to be anywhere for a while yet.” 

A while yet turned out to be two full days with Steve. At first, you weren’t sure about his presence in your house, thinking he’d be bored out of his mind, but he found some home projects you’d been neglecting and did as much as he could in the time he had. The domesticity of it all was a new kind of intimacy that neither of you were familiar with, so there were some awkward moments trying to figure out each other's routines and particularities. But once that initial adjustment period was over, everything felt…natural.

You feared this would be the end of his sweet little notes, but instead of the end the notes started popping up everywhere. Sometimes it was a flirtatious note, sometimes a quick drawing of something silly or pornographic or a reference to something he now understood thanks to your pop culture tutelage. 

‘I love your tits in that top ;)’

‘Meet me upstairs when you’re done in the garden’

‘I definitely didn't use the last of the milk, it was a ghost. Who ya gonna call?’ 

The drawing he did of you pegging a suspiciously Steve-shaped Deadpool was probably your favorite. That one got taped to the fridge. 

While he was on the run, you were more than happy to provide him a safe place. His touchstone when he needed a reminder that he was still a human being. A place where he could fully shed the fugitive mantle and act like a normal person. 

He gets the call from Nat while he’s rehanging drywall in your upstairs bathroom. They needed him to get to Edinburgh, some weird readings were coming through whatever scanners she had. You were at the grocery store, so he grabbed the post-its from his side of the bed and wrote a note. 

‘Got a call from Nat, gotta go save the world again <3 Love you, Steve’

He stuck it where he’d be sure you’d find it, on the fridge, next to the naughty drawing that you loved, and made sure to lock the door when he left. 

A few days later, the truck he’d commandeered screeched to a halt in your driveway. His heart pounded in his chest as he thudded up the porch steps and threw his shoulder into your front door, busting it open — he’d fix it later, he had to know. 

He called your name and ran from room to room, searching for you desperately. Half the world was gone, and he couldn’t waste another second without knowing if you were one of them. 

He’d already lost Bucky. He couldn’t lose you too. 

Up in your bedroom he found his answer. On the bed, spread all over his side of it, were all the notes he’d written you. On your side, nothing but a hint of dust. His legs went numb, but they managed to bring him to the end of the bed before he collapsed, gripping the duvet and some of his wayward notes. 

Steve couldn’t hold back anymore, so he let the tears fall pitifully — first Bucky, then Wanda, Sam, T’Challa, so, so many others. And now, you were gone too. The one person who could have possibly helped him hold together what was left, had already done that once before after his schism with Stark. He’d come to you shattered and slowly, carefully, you’d glued him back together. 

“Steve?” your quiet voice asked. At first, he didn’t move, convinced he was hearing things until he felt your small hand on his shoulder. 

He turned, your name falling from his lips like a sacred prayer before he wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his wet face in your stomach. More tears fell, but these were from relief. 

“You’re alive,” he chanted, voice muffled by your tummy. You shushed him gently, running your fingers through his hair. 

“I’m here, Steve,” you promised, “I’ll always be here.”

[heybaetae]

alright, his letter really got me.

if i can get kinda personal really quick—which i usually avoid doing too much—i promise it’s warranted if you feel like reading to the end of this post in which i’m about to share some things about a deeply painful experience i went through this year and am still enduring the weight of. if you follow me closely enough, you probably know what i’m referring to…

before i do though, i want to mention how truly mind blowing it is that someone who already means a lot to you can somehow keep becoming more and more important as time goes on without even doing much, really, just by being there. since the start of the year, i have not been in the best mental state. i suffer from anxiety and depression which causes me to have a really tough time sleeping and it’s only gotten worse over the months.

i cannot stress enough how many times jungkook lifted my spirit and my mood on some of my worst days/nights since he started doing his frequent weverse lives. it sounds bleak to say because it is, but he was one of the only constant sources of light in my life this year. i can’t tell you how many times it felt like whenever i was feeling my lowest or was riddled with dread about something, i’d suddenly get a notif that he was live. like he’d just pop up when i’d need a distraction the most. even if it was a temporary relief, it would often help take my mind off of things and sometimes it was the only time i’d smile or laugh in an entire week. he was already such a comforting person to me, but it was only amplified every time he went live seeking the same feeling and i quickly found a lot of solace in the thought that we both seeked a familiar warmth for a while. i think a lot of people felt the same. i was seriously getting though the first half of the year thanks to the music the members were releasing and jk’s lives. that’s it. not much else was driving me forward.

then june 11th happened. that morning, i was woken up by my mom telling me my older sister was unresponsive in the hospital. i won’t go into specifics of what happened, but i ended up spending the whole day at home alone while the rest of my family rushed to the hospital. i couldn’t go with them. i knew i wasn’t going to be able to handle it and that made me feel absolutely riddled with guilt. instead, i spent hours in bed just waiting for text updates of what was going on, but they were few and far between. all i’d been told was that they were going to turn her life support off at some point in the day and i hadn’t heard anything after that for a few hours, so i didn’t know if it had happened yet or not for what felt like ages. i felt totally in the dark.

so i was laying there feeling numb, not doing anything but trying to reconcile with losing a sibling so soon and staring at my phone, willing news to come through but also praying it would stay silent. in my denial, silence meant what was happening wasn’t actually happening.

then that 🌟 JK live notif came through out of no where and i felt my heart literally stutter because there was just no fucking way. this was the first time i’d ever gotten that notif at that hour in my timezone. he rarely did morning lives, what on earth could he be doing? why now? why why why?

absolutely nothing in that moment was more important than my sister and what my family was experiencing, but there was literally nothing that i or anyone could do. i was helpless and unable to process the million thoughts and questions running through my head. in my desperate need for that familiar comfort, that distraction, i eagerly clicked the notif and was faced with those big, ridiculous brown eyes blinking at me sideways over the top of a blanket in his bed too. “you can’t be serious,” i said to my screen out loud and then i fucking laughed. incredulously, in disbelief, in amusement, in horror, in grief, in happiness, all of the above.

“how did you know?” i wanted to sob, but all i could do was keep laying there, practically comatose (for lack of a better word), as i watched who had steadily become what felt like my closest and dearest friend across the ocean tell me he wanted company falling asleep. it almost felt like a sick joke the universe was playing on me. like hey, you need a distraction from something really bad happening and it’s not gonna change a thing and it’s parasocial as fuck, but it’s literally the only thing that’s been working so far up until this point aka the lowest point. so here he is, the booooy.

anyway, he fell asleep. i finally rested my eyes. my thoughts calmed down for a brief while. frankly, at the risk of sounding insane, i felt like i was being looked after. supported? no, he had no clue. he was in dreamland and his arm was twitching. he hadn’t even said much after the first few minutes and once he passed out, all that mattered until it would inevitably be cut off was the fact that he was just… there.

my sister passed away not too long after the live was turned off. i wasn’t told until a couple hours later, but the fact is this: in the hour leading up to it, i was successfully distracted and i was comforted. of course, it didn’t last long but it had helped me in the moment i most needed it (again, but x10000) and i am forever in jungkook’s debt for those last few moments of solitude before my entire year was flipped on a permanent axis that day. i’m with one less sister and the grief has been insurmountable.

so i just wanna say if it’s seemed like i’ve been leaning a bit more on jungkook than usual this year, this is why. he’s just been an angel for me, quite literally. it’s also why i refuse to entertain any messages i receive slandering him for whatever reason or accusing me of favoring him over anyone else lately when that’s just not the case. i’m just trying to get by. i’m channeling my grief into my content, my creations, and in doing so, i am channeling my love and appreciation into what is getting me through it the most. so it’s a waste of time to twist it into something it isn’t and i’ll only ever give you a pity laugh and move on. none of the kpop industry jargon that people get mad about these days matters to me at all and life is too short to waste being angry about shit you can’t control. you don’t know what people are going through and you don’t know what someone means to someone else or why. so put your energy towards things that make you happy instead. you’ll feel better. i never owed an explanation, but there it is if you’ve been looking for one.

to wrap this up, i didn’t think i’d ever write any of this down and i could probably write essays just as long as this one for all the other members and what they did for me this year too. it’s going to be incredibly hard to see them go. my ult bias for-fucking-ever, my taehyung, i simply do not know how i’m going to get through my days without him. i just can’t picture or fathom it and i don’t fucking want to. he’s my favorite person in the world. i will be so empty with him gone. there are no words for how painful it’ll be so i’m not even gonna try to find them. my sweet jimin who also brings so much comfort and hilarity into my life, i simply cannot stomach the thought of him going away. my dear namjoon who i swear to god yanks my ass back up above water when i feel like i’m drowning in my feelings and inspires me to be better, what the hell am i gonna do? i’m already spiraling without yoongi’s tranquility. and of course, jungkook, who you now know has just been an incredibly special presence in my life this year. someone i’ve learned so much from, laughed with, cried with, eaten with, rested with, who showed up for me over and over and over and has no idea the impact he had, how grateful i am. i’ll never be able to thank him. thank you thank you thank you for being there for me. thank you all the members for fucking being there for me literally all the time.

this sucks! this sucks but i’m gonna power through it with the rest of you. i’m gonna try.

[stardusthuntress]

What Does Real Love Look Like?

Tech x female!reader 

(Now featuring a Part 2!)

Word Count: ~3.6K

Edit: I messed up, this totally calls the reader "woman" several times, I changed the description so it's clear it's a female reader! Sorry!

Summary: Reader likes Tech and struggles when they discover inadvertently that Tech and Phee are together. Ends happy though, I promise! Tech always pulls out his best for those he cares about, especially if they mean the world to him. Depicts an angsty but healthy budding relationship (between Tech and reader). Angsty fluff, sfw (will probably get a NSFW part 2 soon!)

TW: jealousy (reader jealous of Phee); no smut; reader learning to handle emotions in a healthy way with a supportive partner; reader is really struggling, emotionally, so very angsty, ends happy tho! Reader is noted to have had prior bad experiences with relationships - details not mentioned, just the feelings that come after a willing relationship that you realize after the face was, in fact NOT so great. Read the author's note for more info, please! I wrote this from my POV, and I totally did refer to the reader as a woman several times, sorry! I also mentioned the existence of a prior male lover for the reader! 

Heavily inspired by @originalcollectionartistry’s 2-part fic Guess I Waited Too Long (1 and 2) which I highly recommend, because they had a good idea to process emotions about the Tech-Phee thing by writing them out! So, thanks for the inspo, friend! 

Author's Note: I’ve been struggling since Tech and Phee became a canonical thing. I have always felt drawn to Tech, so it hurt to see another man that I liked stolen away by a woman that I felt did not deserve him (her introduction, the way she sat there throwing insults at each of the men and Omega - it is NEVER okay for an adult to insult a kid, in my book - and focusing on a trait that Tech rightly pointed out was not uniquely his, really bothered me). Don’t get me wrong, so far the writers have done a good job at depicting a healthy relationship budding between Tech and Phee, but I still don’t think they would be compatible. I might be biased though. I also realize it is not healthy to look at the situation from an “I liked him and I wanted him” POV. And Phee is turning out to be a much better person than she lets on at first. She just has to get used to someone and warm up to them to let them see her good side. I realize my dislike of her is probably somewhat unfounded. I tend to have very strong emotional responses to things - I need to be tested for a few types of neurodivergency, I am learning that frequent, strong, emotional responses are not a normal response to things. So, I wrote a thing to help me process it! It’s very self-centered. I have had some bad relationships in the past and I thought perhaps the best way to process them without forcing my next real-world partner to deal with them is to deal with them in a fic like this. FYI, this fic is also full of jealousy. Again, reader has strong emotional responses. I wish I didn’t get jealous, but I do, so I need to learn when and where it is okay to let that emotion out and when I need to turn it into something else. Also wanted to write something where Tech’s POV is written out in the way I imagine he thinks, similar to how I think. I have never been good at understanding emotions, I tend to stay quiet and just watch so people don’t scoff at my emotional responses to things, and I like to think that is similar to how he would process it. It’s from both reader and Tech’s POV, just for funsies! This is my first fic on here. I’ve been meaning to pack up the courage and just post something for a while now, and this one needed to be shared, my way of admitting my problems to more than just myself, so thank you if you bother to read this! It also hasn't really been edited well. I wrote and posted it all in one night, and now it's super late and I should get some sleep, but I needed to post it so I stopped bottling up my emotions. So without further ado, the story begins below!

You were in Cid’s parlor when the message came in. She shuffled out of her office already in a bad mood, complaining about how it had been more than 20 rotations since she had heard anything from her operatives and now she finds out they ditched her for Phee, finishing it with a frustrated “and you could even hear Goggles in the background calling her ‘darling’! It’s repulsive! And frustrating, the way they are taking to a life so different than the soldier-ing they were made for! They were my top team!” 

You sat there in shock. Tech… calling Phee ‘darling’? Your heart which had been so heavy with worry about him and his brothers now lay on a million pieces right there in the middle of Cid’s cantina. The world around you was drowned out by the loudness of your own mind. Until a bottle was slammed down on the counter in front of you. 

“What’s your problem?” It was Cid. “I just asked if you wanted to become my top specialist, and you still look like you’re at a funeral.” 

You ignored her and stared into the empty glass in front of you, mind still reeling, barely able to process the words coming out of her mouth. 

“I warned you kid. He didn’t like you like you thought he did, now did he?” 

“Guess not” you muttered more to your glass than anyone else. 

“So what’ll it be, another glass to celebrate being a free woman again? But if you’re going to mope, don’t do it here. I don’t need someone to bring down my customers. So either order another drink or go home, kid” 

Without another word you got up, tossing a few credits on the counter, and left. 

Back home, you cried yourself to sleep, promising yourself a vacation in the morning. You had enough credits for some time off, and you were going to use them. 

After a few weeks of searching (they had once again changed their comms), you finally located the batch on Pabu, and went to ask Hunter if he could tell Tech goodbye for you. He begrudgingly agreed, but then (probably rightfully) double crossed you, and sent Tech onto your ship to talk to you. Hunter was right, it wasn’t fair of you to ask him to play middle man, you needed to face your problems head on. 

Tech found you in your ship’s small living quarters that functioned like a one-room home for you, and you both stood in shock and silence, staring at each other for a few moments before Tech addressed the bantha in the room. 

“Hunter says that you wanted to say goodbye?”

“Yes.” Your answer was short and curt. Tech recognized it as anger, though it was not an emotion he was used to hearing from you, especially not directed at him. You were holding back from him. 

“Why have you become so distant from me? We are friends, are we not?” Tech asked. 

“We were.” You answered. 

“Why has that changed? Have I done something to insult you? If I have, please trust that that was not my intention.” 

“I know.” 

Tech raised his eyebrows and held still, waiting for you to continue. You still hadn’t really answered his question, and he knew you were aware of that. But he was also aware that you seemed to be struggling to find the words. So he remained quiet, giving you time to answer. 

“Tech… why are you doing this? Phee is out there. Why aren’t you out there too?” 

“I… am no longer with her.” 

You just stared at him in an apprehensive silence, now it was your turn to wait for him to continue. It wasn’t like Tech to be anything but long winded. His short answer stunned you. 

He looked at the floor. He could no longer make eye contact with you. Words failed him. 

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, Tech. But can I ask you a question?” 

“Yes.” He still couldn’t raise his eyes to meet yours, though he did turn towards you. His eyes still trained on the floor, but stealing glances at your hands, which were nervously fidgeting. 

“What do you mean, you’re ‘no longer with her’? I just want to be clear on it. As previous experience has taught me I’m not as good at reading you as I thought I was.” You looked away. 

Tech’s eye’s shot up to you in shock. “I do not recall an instance when you could not read me.” It was almost whispered. 

You shook your head, still refusing to look at him. You couldn’t tell him your feelings for him, not now. 

“So Wrecker and Hunter were not toying with my emotions when they told me that you like me?” 

You turned your head towards your shoulder, still looking down, and gave a curt nod. Some part of you screamed that Tech had practically admitted he liked you, but your insides were too torn apart to process it properly right now. So instead you looked away again. Focusing instead back on the floor in front of you. 

“Phee has good moments, but her endless determination to warp the truth in her favor and downplay the important contributions of others, including that of Omega, is not something I find acceptable. So I left.” 

You finally looked at him. Stepping forward, you reached out a hand to touch him, but quickly pulled it back. It still didn’t feel right for things to go back to the way they had been with him. 

“Please don’t pull back” he was watching your hands. “I want things to go back to the way they were before. I don’t want to lose you. I did not realize that much was at stake or I would have acted differently.” 

“I’m not sure things can go back, Tech.” 

Tech would not take no for an answer. He accepted you might be right, that things could not go back to the way they were, but that did not mean they could not improve. He racked his brain for an alternative answer. 

Touch. You, Hunter, and Phee all had one thing in common: when people were upset you would reassure them with physical contact. Actually it went beyond simple reassurance, touch was quite a common occurrence with you. So he decided to try it now. He reached out and put a hand on your shoulder, albeit a little awkwardly. But your reaction was not one he was expecting. 

You gasped and flinched away. 

He retracted his hand. Watching in shock as you again turned away, this time out of his reach. You gripped your sides tightly. Your sides heaved. You were trying not to cry. 

“Did Phee teach you that?” You asked, and the pain in your eyes made him unable to look away. 

“I noticed that you, Hunter, and Phee all…” he stopped. When you heard her name your hand moved from your waist to cover your mouth and nose. You did not want him to witness your crying. But you could not hide your breathing patterns. 

A hug. He knew that would help. And he needed to finally feel you close to him. So he began to shed his armor and stack it neatly to the side. 

You heard him stacking it and thought he had gone back to work. Simply to ignore you like every guy you had ever been with had done in the past. You turned to leave, but we’re stopped by a pair of arms appearing slowly on either side of you, hovering a few inches away from you.

“May I touch you?” His voice was so small and timid, it was all you could do to keep your emotions inside. “Please?” 

You nodded. His strong arms wrapped tightly around you. And his nose found refuge in the crook of your neck. 

This was new, but as comforting as it was, a part of you hated that this had to start with her name attached to it. You didn’t want to hate her, she seemed nice when she let people in. But you weren’t sure you could ever really forgive her. Even if Tech hadn’t been yours, and the decision was up to both her and him, but not you. There was no holding back the tears now. Your head hung, your shoulders slumped, and the tears flowed. Tech, hung on tight. He didn’t know what else to do. Eventually your tears subsided, leaving behind shaky breaths in its place. 

His nose left your neck, as he tucked his chin into it instead. “Mesh’la” he whispered. 

You scoffed, “don’t you start with that. People only ever use that to get something they want from someone, it never actually means you think I’m pretty. I’ll calm down in a few minutes. You can leave if it bothers you so much.” 

There was silence, but he refused to let go. He was struggling to process it all too. He only ever said things if he meant them, and you knew that. He knew you knew that. But he also knew how blinding emotions could get. It happened to him on occasion too. 

“I don’t need your pity, Tech. Pity, or sympathy, or whatever you choose to call it, it’s the same thing. I never helps people grow, it only ever puts people beneath you. Do NOT call me that out of pity. Only ever say that if you really mean it. To me or anyone else. It is not a comfort word. Okay?” 

“You know I would never say something unless I mean it.” His words were only ever gentle and kind. He rarely ever even raised his voice when he was mad. Another thing you adored about the man. 

You bit your lip. Angry at yourself for your outburst. 

“I’m sorry,” you muttered. “Truly.” 

“I accept your apology. Though I am slightly concerned about your previous partners if your statement is a reflection of your past experiences?” You were quiet. “But that is a discussion for another time, if you are okay with that. For now, back to the matter at hand, why can we not pick up where we left off? I wish to be more than just friends with you this time too.” 

“Again, we can’t, it’s not the same anymore. I don’t have much to contribute to a relationship.”

“Yet, you had prior experience with relationships, I did not. Now I do. I do not see how that is a bad thing. Is it not a good thing that we are on more even footing now?” 

“Not all experience is good experience, Tech.” 

Tech’s heart broke. He had no idea that your prior experiences were not to your liking. His blood boiled at the idea that your last partner had not been aware of what he had. But he did his best to contain the anger, you clearly needed his comfort, not his anger right now. 

“I wanted to share the gaining of experience together. With you and only you Tech. Now that’s not an option. Now every time I look at you, I see only what she… what you experienced with her.” 

“You are jealous.” It was a statement, not a question. But there was no judgment in his tone. Merely an attempt to understand why you were upset. 

“I thought that, with you, I could maybe find a way to make my past experiences something I didn’t hate anymore. I wanted a chance to share the little that I do know with you, because then I would have something to share with you. But now it’s safe to say you definitely know more than I do. I really struggle to learn while dealing with such strong emotions. And my experience is a less than adequate match for what you have no doubt learned from her. I thought perhaps we could gain more experience together. It would have made me feel better if you were learning beside me. Now you have experience… and I… I am left behind… again. I felt like my last relationship left me with less of an understanding about what makes a guy tick than I started with. I know it is unfair to have ever held you to that, though. I’m sorry.” 

Tech still wasn’t good at feelings. He knew that. But he needed to make sure you knew that he was still the same man you fell in love with. And he hated watching the tears run down your face. “I will never leave you behind.” 

“And that’s the problem, Tech. I wanted to learn together. I don’t want a partner to have to teach me everything. I’ve been the partner that has to teach the other person, not sexually, but otherwise, and it’s really draining. I can’t ask you to do that for me.” 

“We can still do this without it becoming ‘draining’, as you say. Every person has different necessities in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with having needs, everyone has needs and limits. We can still learn each other side by side. This relationship does not have to be like your last, we can actively choose to make it different.” 

You were quiet. You couldn’t protest that. 

Tech's signature half smile graced his lips. You were his equal in mind, and that was one of the many reasons he loved you. But there were still moments where he could outsmart you, because that’s life. 

“I’m still me. I’m still new to this too. I still want to learn with you. If you’ll have me?” He asked, one hand sliding around the arms curled at your waist, until it found your hand. Fingers slowly and gently threading themselves between yours. 

You smiled and nodded. 

“Would it be easier for you if I did not use the knowledge I learned while with… Phee?” He wasn’t sure if he should even mention her name. The last thing he wanted was to upset you more. 

“No!” 

Tech flinched at your abruptness, but looked at you with curiosity. 

“Don’t make yourself into something you’re not for me. I love that you’ve learned more about relationships, it just hurts that it wasn’t with me like I had hoped. I just need your patience….. a lot of patience, while I process that… among other things. I know that’s a lot to ask—” 

“—No.” It was his turn to be abrupt and firm. “And I am more than discontent that your prior relationships left you feeling so inadequate. I just want you to feel comfortable being yourself around me. I’m still not very good at emotions either. Again, there is nothing wrong with having needs, so long as those needs are communicated. Everyone has boundaries and experiences they’d rather not repeat. Can we agree that communicating to the best of our ability is paramount, no matter how difficult it may be?” He pulled back and stepped in front of you, putting both hands on your shoulders as he spoke. 

“That sounds like a good idea to me. I can’t guarantee that I will always be able to put words to what I am feeling, nor will I entirely understand it myself. And it may take me a long time to get used to the idea that you were with someone while I still loved you.”

“We are both only human.” He stated. “You know I will also be in the same boat in terms of emotional processing, but you needed to hear me say it, didn’t you?” He stepped towards the chair and sat down. 

You nodded. “Like you said, clear communication from the start, yeah?” 

“Yes.” He replied. He opened his arms to you, offering a hug. 

You gave a watery smile, and stepped towards him, pressing your nose into the collar of his shirt. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you to the bed and then into his lap. Holding you tight in an attempt to comfort you and show you how much you meant to him. He couldn’t bear to see you in pain. 

“Can I ask you a question? You have no obligation to answer if you do not wish to do so, nor do you need to respond today if you do choose to answer it.” He asked, mirroring your question from the beginning of the conversation. 

You sniffled “yes.” 

“Would I be correct in assuming your last relationship left you feeling inadequate sexually, and/or beyond the bedroom?” 

You held your breath and gripped him tighter, curling into his chest even more than you already had. Trying to make yourself smaller. You didn’t know how to answer, or even if you could find your voice if you wanted to try to reply. It was all you could do to focus on breathing steadily, though each breath had gotten decidedly shaky. But he didn’t need you to say anything. Your body language was communication enough in that moment, as was your behavior leading up to this moment. The answer to both questions was yes. He gripped you tighter in return. 

“I am so sorry that happened to you. I will not bring it up again, unless you wish to talk about it. Though I must say I am rather angry at your last partner for leaving you like this. I want you to know it is not your fault, and I will do everything I can to support you through this. I cannot solve it for you, but I do not think you need me to do so, you are a very strong, brilliant woman already. I merely wish to be by your side to see you succeed.” 

“And here I promised myself I would not start a relationship in tears. I have a tendency to let my emotions get in the way, I’m sorry.” 

“There is no need to apologize. I merely wanted to gauge how I should proceed. Do not worry, I will not treat you like a delicate ornament, I am well aware you are strong and capable. Everyone has moments where they need to take some time to themselves and let emotions out. I am glad you feel comfortable around me again, enough to let me see your emotional side. I love this side of you just as much as I love the rest of you, because it is as much a part of you as all the other pieces. Please do not let my presence stop you from letting it out if that is what you need to do right now.” 

Your grip on his shirt loosened slightly. “Thank you” you mumbled into his chest, sniffling again. 

“Now, we’ve both done a lot of emotional sharing tonight. What do you say we get some rest and take this as slow as we need to?” 

You nodded. 

“Please let me take care of you tonight, Mesh’la. I wish to show you my love through my actions as well as my words.” 

“Okay.” The gleam was returning to your eye, and it made him happy to see you regaining some of that spark that he loved so dearly. 

He placed you down on the bed and began gathering all the pillows and blankets he could find and bringing them to the bed. 

“I realize you didn’t want to start a relationship like this. However, I have heard that it is beneficial to be best friends before a relationship begins?” He posed it as a question rather than a statement. It was his way of asking whether this train of thought was one you were willing to pursue with him. 

“I’ve heard that too.” Permission granted. 

He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he handed you a pillow to hug. 

“Will you let me comfort you like a best friend would? And then perhaps we can get a second chance at starting a relationship in a more positive manner in the morning?” He returned with one last pillow and sat down beside you. You turned to him and opened your arms, asking for a hug. He obliged with a happy smirk. 

“Thank you, Tech. That means a lot to me.” Your grip on him tightened, and he came to realize this was not a scared grip, but a grateful one. 

“Will you stay with me, tonight?” You whispered into his shoulder. 

“In the same bed, by your side?” He inquired, gently. Clear communication. Your heart soared. So that’s what understanding looked like. So many times before you had been promised clear communication only for you to come out the other side realizing that partner didn't really know what that really meant, or to feel like they had been making fun of your need to communicate everything instead of asking politely as Tech had just demonstrated. 

Tech could feel you smile into his shoulder. 

“Yes.” 

“I shall.” 

He lifts the covers and gets you both tucked you in, noting your insecurity and struggle with letting him care for you. You're not used to being treated like this. He doesn’t like that. You have always done so many small, caring things for him. He feels like this is the least he can do for you. One last tear trickled down your cheek, and he kissed it away. Perhaps that was not what a best friend would do, but he loved you more than that anyways and you knew that now. Besides, it made you smile, that was what mattered. 

Things would be different this time. Things would be better this time. Tech was not like your previous lovers. He was observant and communicative, and you loved that part of him dearly. There was still lots to talk about, but it didn't all need to be processed in one sitting.

Please don't steal my work! I pour my heart into these so if you like it please reblog to share instead of reposting it!

[ryuichirou]

Replies

More replies~

Anonymous asked:

Do you watch other adult swim cartons like moral orel or the venture bros?

Not really, sorry :( Nothing against these shows, I guess we just don’t gravitate towards them. Venture Bros was recommended to us though.

Anonymous asked:

"Nooo Ortho wanted to slurp this one" not a problem at all, i don't mind sharing uwu uhuhuhuh sorry for cursing the askbox so soon too XDDD i couldn't help it

Ah it’s so nice when people share… uwu

No worries btw, every single thing in this blog is cursed one way or another, so it really fits xD

Anonymous asked:

No bc the way your fem idia is just insanely body goals

Omg Anon, thank you?? I don’t think if she should be body goals though, she’s kind of too skinny for her height… she just has a high metabolism genetically I guess, I’m pretty sure any other means of achieving her appearance would be unhealthy...

Anonymous asked:

I never thought about ADeuce in the future, but the idea of them being together without really committing to a relationship makes a lot of sense.

I imagine a similar scenario for Ruggie/Leona. They wouldn't even see eachother that frequently, but they still keep in touch and hook up whenever they do meet. They are not just keeping this up because it's beneficial to them, they actually seem to enjoy eachother's company. It's not anything close to dating, and they would never call it love, but I feel like that's the highest level of commitment you can get from either of them. Also Ruggie would probably spend a lot of time working, leaving the Sunset Savanna quite often. If he sees a chance to bag some extra cash he is not going to let a little distance stop him! Meanwhile Leona is just hanging around the royal court. Has he given up on his plan to help the poor people of his country or is he cooking something? Honestly not even Ruggie knows...

(this is related to the 6th reply from this post)

ADeuce really are a bit annoying like that, but I love them for it. Everyone knows you want to be together, guys. You’re just being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn, because you’re too afraid the other party is going to ridicule you for expressing your feelings that both of you are already aware of, because you’ve been sleeping together for years, COME! ON!

Also everything you said about Ruggie/Leona makes sense! Ruggie is too busy and focused on his job(s) to start a family, and Leona is either plotting something or just doing nothing being unmotivated… so whenever they have an opportunity to do so, hooking up sounds logical: why not? It’s definitely not love and not a romantic relationship, but it is a relationship nonetheless… a mutually beneficial one, but also a surprisingly “comfortable” one because both of them are so used to this dynamic that doesn’t require any emotional effort. They’re surprisingly on the same page.

Anonymous asked:

i might have written an OC spanking Riddle once :eyes: usually i just see characters and readers or OCs being spanked by Riddle, but he would be so cute being spanked! teary eyed, confused and flustered, his ass clearly needs attention

(this is related to the 2nd reply from this post)

I know right? For some reason it just works. Maybe it’s because of his backstory and him being so very serious but also so immature, but if you imagine a spanking scenario with Riddle, it’s like… he belongs there lol

Anonymous asked:

About how young was Silver when he and Lilia first started fuckin 🤔 honestly I'm super interested in what those early days would have looked like, and how their first few times would go

Honestly, it depends on whatever route you want to take for any specific post/art/comic/etc, and I feel like with us it’s always a very vague and implied “kind of young”.

We explain it with Lilia having uhh alternative views on parenting, it’s like a mix of him being a fae (turns out, this doesn’t excuse him 😔), him not knowing how children work and him adoring Silver way too much and having too much fun with him. He’s not the best person lol So yeah, Silver was probably way too young to figure out what’s going on, but also this whole thing was a “norm” to him, because it also happened very gradually: the goodnight kisses became more mature, the way they cuddle changed; and with Silver absolutely adoring Lilia, trusting him so much and believing that Lilia only wants what’s best for him, he never had a problem with any of it. Even the first times weren’t too much of a shock to him, especially since Silver considered it to be some special type of training that he really wanted to get good at as soon as possible.

The Zigvolts would’ve been terrified if they found out…….

[ghooostbaby]

Rules: tag 9 people you'd like to get to know better!

ooh thank you for tagging me @baiwu-jinji :) :) that edge of the sea book sounds really interesting!

Last song: I put on a playlist of Grouper songs because it started raining hard and I needed something soft & dark to go with the ambience haha. apparently the song being played right now is called “She Loves Me That Way”

Currently Watching: Till the End of the Moon officially but it’s so emotionally intense I take frequent breaks with other things, today I was rewatching No Doubt In Us because it’s so sweet and easy

Currently reading: hmmm actually actually read, or books that I really absolutely definitely have decided I want to start reading Very Soon and have strategically placed it in a pile in a high traffic area of my home, or theory/philosophy books I read a few pages of every few months for the last few years, or (probably danmei) novels that I read a chunk of several months ago and will read more but I just haven’t felt like it yet? because there are dozens of those :P ... actively finishing The Drawing Book by Tania Kovats, various mxtx novel fan fictions or akiangel chainsaw man fan fictions. constantly reading he xuan fan fic ! i just finished vol 2 of the manga Blissful Land, 18th century tibet-based slice of life, (a french translation I got to practice french). I have also been reading in abrupt starts and stops It Was Vulgar and It Was Beautiful, a book about ACT UP and how they used art in their activism in the AIDS crisis.

Current obsession: does this just mean an enthusiastic interest in a topic or something that is consuming you body and soul that you can't escape as much as you would like to while your proverbial wife and children cry themselves to sleep alone at night? tv and movies and music generally is the obsession that devours me, but oddly enough i have been somehow pretty balanced and chill about things lately ... i'm not even gripped with a fervour for he xuan meta as much. i AM often thinking/fantasizing about abandoning living in a city and for a life in the mythical countryside. reading/watching a lot of things about neurodivergence, adhd, trauma, climate change, social activism movements. past obsessions that don't feel as intense i still hold close to my heart: he xuan, the ocean, neanderthals, ancient cave paintings. uhh, coffee. i started taking a ceramics class and it's been really cool, I remember when i was deeply obsessed with the lascaux cave paintings how excited i was by how the drawings seemed so dynamic by how they sat on the three-dimensional and inconsistent surface of the cave in the lumps and hollows of the rock and I couldn't think of anything in the modern world in art in galleries where that was possible and felt this intense nostalgia for 30 000 years ago, but the other day i was like adfjladsjfadlskjf CLAY IS IT! and was getting excited about making a piece like the interior of a cave and drawing on it ... maybe it's a spark of a new obsession

-

ok now is the hard part. i am talkative but SHY!! there is a very small handful of mutuals who say things to me and feels very intense to tag any of the majority of my mutuals who appear in my notes often silently reblogging/liking my posts (as i do the same). i'm going to scroll my dash and when i see an avatar i have good associations with gonna tag you... sorry in advance for perceiving you. please ignore me if you want!

@unfotp​ @muigiel​ @trainstationsparrow @redheadedsidhe @yeyayeya @pretty-dianxia @twinkfvcker @lolitalarva @sparklemotioneer

[scmg11]

Hey bubs i am back again to nag you and remind you that I AM STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH YOU AND YOU ARE DEFINITELY STILL MY FAVOURITE AUTHOR❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃..Thanks again for everything and please take care of yourself and stay hydrated!!!

P.S. - Is there an upcoming series about lost in the multiverse cause it is seriously one of your best works and I am sorry it is not getting the recognition it deserves..

No pressure on you tho..I know you have other series to finish🙃🙃🙃

Yours,

Z❤️ ( Something to remember me by🙃🫂)

Hey babe, you need to seriously stop saying you are nagging me because you are not!! You can write in the request box whenever you want and I will always be so freaking happy to write you back 🫶

Reading your messages always so full of love and appreciation for me warms my heart SO much 🥹 I can’t express how much I love you ❤️ it really means the world to me, especially in this particular period of time where I don’t post as frequently as I did months back. Watching you guys still supporting me this much makes me cry every single time I think about it, I don’t deserve you 🥹🥺❤️

Anyway, I will probably start writing about the Lost In The Multiverse series after the chapter I am working on, even though there are a few chapters already finished that will be posted first (3 of them). So I hope I will be able to post it soon since I am trying to proofread everything and trying to write as much as I can at night (usually I go to sleep around 2 or 3 a.m. lol).

Thank you again Z, and remember I love you and whenever you feel the need, you know where to find me! 🫶❤️ I hope you’re having or you’ll have a great day ❤️

Sending you SO much love ❤️

[buckyarchives]

night shift

part two here!

Bruce Wayne X GN! reader

contains: good ol’ fluff, stranger to lovers

summary: after months of Bruce being a regular at the waffle house you work at, you soon realized you had been messing up his order the entire time.

author note; here my first little oneshot posted to tumblr, im still getting used to this website and writing again, so please be nice. request are open and enjoy!

the buzzing sound of the old fluorescent panel lights fills up the void of your shift at waffle house, really not the best job, but money is money and someone has to pay rent. It was a rather quiet and slow morning for it was 4:30 am. a trucker was sitting enjoying coffee and some eggs and a few homeless sleeping in the booths, which isn’t allowed but you were not a horrible person so you would let them be, but besides that. it was almost empty. you turned to clean the counter and random spills of ingredients on the floor, before you’d hear the soft jingle of the doorbells, looking up from the counter to see one of our more famous regulars. Bruce Wayne, billionaire, and prince of Gotham. which you didn’t know for a while since you had moved here for college and stayed for work, not growing up in the city.

he sat down at the bar counter. he was a regular so you already had his order up and handed to the back. he looked tired, he wore his usual puffy black jacket, a baseball cap, and an unusual amount of snugged black eyeliner, you never questioned it. 

“good-morning, bruce,” you said, just to fill the void.

“morning,” he replied in his usual soft voice. bruce wasn’t what people had made him out to be, he was quiet, he usually whispered every time he talked. he was introverted, and well, he’s a billionaire, he could probably afford gourmet food every day of the week. but no, he frequently came here, sometime 2-4 times a week, usually at ungodly times at night or morning. he was also just very nice and gave you and the other server large tips every time.

“How are you today?” you asked the man, hanging his head down low. 

“very busy with work.” he sighed, giving me a small close-lipped smile. avoiding eye contact still.

“I can't imagine.” you throw some dirty towels into the trash.

ding!

reaching over to grab the warm plate of food, handing it over to the man.

“thank you.” the quiet voice said and he began eating. You had to go to the back for a second to clean and organize some stuff but soon after you had come back and bruce called you over.

“uh, hello.” bruce studdered, he was a little nervous 

“yes, anything I can help you with?” you rushed over to his side of the counter.

“I don’t mean to be rude, I think you may have been getting my order wrong,” he said, and your eyes went wide and before you could react you were already apologizing.

“oh my god, I'm so so sorry! would you like me to make you a new one?” 

“no, no.” he shook his head. “this is fine, I like this too.” 

“Are you sure? I can get you a new one, it’s on me.” you kept asking.

‘i can't believe I’ve been getting this man’s order wrong for months, this is so fucking embarrassing.’

“no,” he smiled shyly. “really, it’s okay.” bruce reassured you.

“I’m so sorry, it’s just— “ you took a large breath. “usually when you’re here, it's loud and noisy and you are a very soft-spoken man, and— I'm just so sorry, do you want me to change your order.” 

“it’s okay, you don’t need to.” he laughed, “should I speak louder when I’m here,” he said, a little louder than his last statements. His clearer voice raised goosebumps to your arms and thighs.

“we’ll not now, it’s pretty quiet, but sometimes it gets a little loud and you kinda got to speak up a little.” laughing with embarrassment, you felt like crawling into a hole. “I’m still sorry, this is embarrassing.”

“it’s okay, don’t be embarrassed.” he smiled softly at you, making your heart warm, you didn't often see his face change from his normal monotone face so this was a little refreshing. trying to laugh it off and you went back to cleaning and getting a coffee for myself. You heard bells jingle again, expecting a new costume but you turned around and bruce was gone and his plate was clean, a tip and note were placed next to it.

thank you for the food,

didn’t mean to make you embarrassed lol

I like the order you mistook mine for anyways

have a good night and stay safe

  - bruce :)

his messy handwriting was cute, and a 20 and 10 dollar was placed under it.

“generous.” you smiled and continued the rest of your shift with small butterflies in your chest from the sweet interaction.

that next week bruce came in once again, the diner was a little busier but you still wanted to ask for his order, just in case.

“hey bruce, what can I get you?” you said, he smiled at me and shook his head.

“the usual.” 

and with that, you gave the usual order to the chef and continued to be bombarded with random orders and arguably stupid questions. pouring coffee into 2 cups for a couple, you heard the bell ring and a loud screech.

“OH MY GOD! Is that fucking Bruce Wayne.” a high-pitched girl yelled, you spilled the burning hot coffee on your hand, and the pain ran throughout your hand, rushing over to the sink to run into over cold water.

“are you okay?” you looked up to see Bruce, standing up, leaning over the counter to get a better look at you. concern washed over his face. behind him was a group of girls, maybe 4 or 5, taking pictures of bruce, bruce was too occupied with taking care of you to pay attention to the fangirling behind him.

“yes, I’m fine.” you rubbed your hand, walking toward the counter. “this isn’t the first time.” you chuckle to ease his growing concern. 

“let me see.” he grabbed your wrist, not touching the burn on the surface of your hand. Bruce's face was inches from yours, the two of you being the closest you could be with the counter in between you.

flash!

You had looked to the side of bruce, one of the teenage girls had taken a picture of the two of you. Bruce was again, too busy to notice, still examining your hand to look at the burn, he thought in his head how soft your hands were compared to his.

“Bruce, it’s okay, I’ll bandage it up later.” you pulled your hand away, looking up and making immediate eye contact with him for a moment, flinching away after hearing the ring of the bell, telling you bruce’s food was ready. You pulled away and grabbed his plate and sat it down in front of him. 

“thank you.” 

Walking over to the booth of girls, ready to deal with this. it’s not that you are someone who hates everyone under the age of 18 but they annoy you as a server at a diner that was labeled as “trashy.” they never tip and are always splitting the bill, and they are usually very loud and sometime they’ll throw food and trash around, never picking it up.

“are you close with bruce Wayne?” one of them asked before you could even open your mouth to ask what they want. 

“Um, no.” you said, a little annoyed “What would you like to order?”

“Are you sure? You guys looked pretty close in this picture.” another girl scoffed looking through her phone, which you could assume she was looking at the picture of you two. I'm sure it looked bad.

“What would you like to order,” you asked again firmly, making sure they knew you didn't want to talk about that.

After the long-ass order from the group of girls, you took the note to the chef and brought over their beverages, and headed to your usual station, closer to bruce, unconsciously feeling safer near his presence. 

“What time do you get off work?” bruce snapped you out of your thoughts. 

“Uh,” you looked at the time on your wrist.

11:37

“Like an hour and a half.” that felt like forever with how tired you were, your head was pounding and your legs ached from the long shift.

“Oh, I just had a personal question I wanted to ask you before you went home.” bruce was nervous. a couple of days after his last visit to the diner, Alfred had notified him about a banquet event coming up he was required to go to, Alfred had been pushing on him about getting a date as a plus one was highly recommended. He doesn't know many people that would be enjoyable to go with but weirdly, you popped into his head.

“You can ask me now.” you looked around to check if you were wanted anywhere before.

“Well, I just wanted to know if– uh, would you like to go on a date?” bruce studdered out, he mentally facepalmed at how badly he butchered that. You were taken aback by a lot, why was Bruce Wayne asking you out on a date?

“Sure!” you answered without even thinking, a breath of relief came across bruce. 

“Great.” he smiled widely, making quick eye contact before swiping a napkin and a pen from your apron and bruce began writing something. “Here is my number, text me after your shift.” 

He put the napkin back into your apron. ‘What a sly man,’ you thought for a moment before he said his goodbyes and walked out the door once again. You stood there dumbfounded at what had just happened. If someone told you a year ago that moving here would result in going on a date with cities prince, you would have laughed.

“y/n! Orders up.” the chef yelled at you, snapping you out of your thoughts, dinging the metal bell multiple times. You continued the rest of your shift with bruce on your mind, just waiting to get off to text the man.

[softxsuki]

...It's me again- can I have a urgent request with eren,levi and Jean with romantic s/o that has covid, but like it's really bad? (Headcanons pls)

It's like my surgery wasn't enough I needed to catch covid and I saw people yesterday 🥲

I feel like my whole body is dying rn

Thanks 😃❤️

Eren, Levi, and Jean Taking Care of Reader with Covid

Pairings: Eren x Gn!Reader, Levi x Gn!Reader, Jean x Gn!Reader

Warnings: reader sick with Covid

Genre: Modern AU, Comfort, some fluff?

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 900

Summary: How the boys react to you getting sick with Covid

[A/N: Hey! Thank you for your patience with your request. I'm sorry it's a little short and they might not be that great. I couldn't think of anything directly romantic to add to these, so I kept the romance a little subtle I hope that okay. I'm not exactly in the best mental state right now, but I wanted to get this done for you while you were still feeling unwell to help provide you with some comfort. So I hope these came out at least a little decent. Feel better soon <3 also sorry if there are any mistakes, I didn't proofread :(.]

Eren:

Protect this man

He’s so scared for you; literally thinks you’re going to die (you're not of course)

But he doesn’t outwardly show it, he’s just kinda freaking out on his own

You’re supposed to be quarantining in your room on your OWN, but Eren refuses to take his eyes off of you, he’ll sit in a chair in the corner of the room and keep you company no matter how many times you tell him to get out before he gets himself sick

No lie though, he would probably cozy up beside you in bed just so he can keep an even closer eye on you and properly take care of you

So consider your whole house a quarantine zone because he’s 100% getting infected with Covid and he doesn’t care

He takes very good care of you, giving you 10000% of his attention, making sure you get better as soon as possible

He googles a whole bunch of homemade remedies that people said worked for them, and prepares it all for you (orders all the ingredients online for delivery)

He takes your temperature every hour and as much as it hurts to see you in discomfort, he confiscates all your heavy blankets so your fever can go down quicker

Anything you want or need, he gets it for you

He also makes sure that you get plenty of rest, so while you sleep, he tries to keep himself occupied doing something else around the house or playing a game or something, making sure the volume is low so he doesn’t wake you up, but stays in the bedroom so he can watch over you

He’s super relieved when you’re fully healed, but get ready because it’ll be your turn to take care of him now, he has zero regrets though, he’s glad he was able to care for you instead of avoiding you for a week

Levi:

Let’s not kid ourselves here, Levi is GONE as soon as he knows you have Covid

But that doesn’t mean he won’t take care of you–he just does so from afar

As soon as he finds out, your bedroom becomes your quarantine zone

He starts wearing a mask around the house 24/7, even when he showers because he is NOT taking any chances, he refuses to get sick

However, he does want you to get better and his heart breaks at hearing your coughs and groans of fatigue and pain, so he comes up with a plan

He prepares you meals and leaves them outside the door for you, knocking quickly to let you know the food is ready and runs to the other side of the room and waits for you to get your food

It’ll be a relief for you though, knowing that Levi won’t get sick because of you

He’s extra diligent and frequent with his cleaning even though you never leave the room for the whole week, using the connected bathroom in the room to shower and use the toilet; Levi sticks to the spare bathroom and bedroom

He’s a busy, responsible man though so he does continue to go to work; he calls a friend over to watch over you to make sure you have someone around incase of an emergency and someone to make sure you’re well fed and hydrated

His phone ringer stays on for a change incase he receives a call and needs to rush to you immediately

Once you’re fully recovered and Covid free, Levi gets to work in cleaning your spare bedroom because he needs to be back to sleeping by your side immediately; he’d never admit how much he missed having you in his arms as he slept–that week was especially lonely for him and he’s relieved to have you healthy and happy again

Jean:

Jean is another one who is super worried at first, especially when he notices your discomfort

He does stick to keeping his distance from you, but it kills him inside to be parted from you for so long, so as the days pass he gets very impatient

Tries entering your room where you’re quarantining before the recommended amount of days is up, so be strict with him, he’ll listen if you tell him no

Jean pretends to busy himself around the house, calling in for work saying he can’t make it, but his excuse to you is that he’s feeling a little under the weather (lies)

He’ll never admit that he’s worried about you or that he’s calling in just so he can keep an eye on you

He sits behind the door and asks you to sit on the other side of it and you guys have some conversations, but then he feels bad when he hears you cough and tells you to get back in bed so you can rest

Keeps you well fed and even tries to sneakily hand you your food himself, but you have to shoo him away

He can’t wait for the day that he can hold you and kiss you again, he misses you more than he thought he would–not that he’d admit it

He tries to act normally when you’re cleared to end your quarantine, but his giddy smile that slips out a few times gives him away

Good luck getting out of his grip, he’s super clingy for the next few days

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 10/18/2022

[celestialevie]

Leave before you love me // Fred Weasley x GN! reader

(GIF credit to the rightful creator)

Genre: Angst with implied smut towards the end.

Words: 1k

Warnings: making out, implied smut, mentions of being heartbroken, commitment issues

Summary: Fred and y/n are best friends during the day, but sometimes when the night comes, they are more than that.

A/N: I'm back with posting fics with a smaller angsty Fred fic. It's very much inspired by the song I linked above so if you haven't heard it, I definitely reccomend!!

Have you ever wondered what happens at Hogwarts at night? What kind of things are going on in the shadows while professors sleep peacefully? This particular situation may not apply to every single person, but I can assure you that it occurs more frequently than people realize.

Fred Weasley, the popular Gryffindor and prankster, as well as his twin brother George, are among those affected. Hooking up with your best friend wasn't the best time you've ever had, especially since you're not the type to settle down in a relationship. Been there and done that. Got heartbroken and scarred for entrnity. It's not like it's the first time you've been in this type of arrangement. Hooking up and sleeping with other people was something you were best at. But now you're too far gone at this arrangement you made with Fred about hooking up. During the day, you two are pretending like you've never even seen a peak of other's naked skin, yet alone that you've remembered the freckles all over his body. It's easier to avoid involving your friends in this mess that you've created together. According to our friends, the most intimate thing Fred and you have done is kiss each other on the cheeks and hug. Maybe they smacked each other's butts out of a joke now and then, but that's about it. You used to hook up once or twice a week when you first started the arrangement . It started as a small joke at one of the post-quidditch game gryffindor parties, about how you were curious about his size and how dissatisfied the girls he slept with must be. That's how you got into his bed the first time. The second time, you were distraught over something and needed a distraction. Fred provided you with the ideal distraction in the room of requirement. It kept happening, so you decided to make some ground rules if we were going to keep going. One of them was that you were not to sleep with other people unless you wanted the arrangement to end, and you were not to tell anyone about the hookups. No catching feelings was probably the most important and heartbreaking one for Fred. You were honest with him about it, and he witnessed your anguish firsthand. You weren't going to let that happen again; your heart couldn't take another heartbreak like that. Staying the night with Fred would be the dream, but you don't want him to start thinking you'd changed your mind about commitment. He means the world to you and loosing him would be even worse, just thinking about loosing Fred makes you want to cry your heart out.

You were currently hanging out in the Gryffindor common room with our friends, discussing the twins' most recent prank. "Poor McGonagall's going to have a heart attack soon with you two," Angelina said, wiping away tears from how hard she was laughing along with the rest of us. It was shortly after dinner, so we didn't have much time before it was time for people to go to their dorms according to prefects' rules. "Oh please, she loves us and is used to all the explosions going on around the castle by now; otherwise, why would she give us detentions with her?" Fred's grin made you roll your eyes. "As if. She can't wait until we're all done so she can retire and stop teaching future Weasleys. Bill, Charlie, and Percy tricked the poor woman into thinking the Weasley children were well-behaved. Then you two appeared. '' Fred let out a feigned gasp. "Are you implying that my children will be like me? That's the sweetest thing you've said to me in a while." As if you don't compliment his bed skills every time you're done. You poked your finger into his ribs, causing him to yelp. " So full of himself as always " the group continued talking about your day when Fred slowly leaned closer to your ear and whispered, " Room of requirement. Meet me there in an hour after George and Lee have fallen asleep," he said, returning to his previous position.

You were in front of the room of requirement an hour later, waiting for Fred. He arrived a minute later, and you went inside. You started making out right away, slowly moving back towards the bed that was there. Fred scooped you up in his arms and tossed you onto the bed before climbing on top of you and continuing his assault on your lips. You let out a small moan. It's amazing how much you're still surprised by the taste of his lips. His lips slowly moved from your lips to your neck, gently sucking at it. One of the rules you had was that hickeys care allowed only in places where other people couldn't see them. You tangled your fingers in his hair, turning your head to the side to give him more room to kiss your neck. You gathered your strength and rolled over on top of Fred, becoming impatient. He was in his pajamas, just like you, so it didn't take you long to remove his clothes while still kissing him passionately. "God, I love kissing you," you murmured as you moved down his chest, kissing him all the way down to his crotch. As you began palming him, he grabbed your hand and turned you over, quickly removing your clothes. "I'm hoping to receive some new compliments from you. I hope you don't let me down, love," he winks at you and the love tango starts.

You were finished in two hours, and Fred had just fallen asleep. You're exhausted, but you knew better than to fall asleep next to him. You get out of bed gently and quietly, put your clothes back on, and the very familiar note he's seen thousands of times is placed on the opposite side of the bed that he lays on. As you press a gentle kiss on the top of his head, he stirs slightly, causing you to freeze in place, hoping he doesn't wake up. You rush out of the room quickly but quietly, leaving him alone with a note that says ' I'm sorry x '.

[dungeon-apprentice]

ID in alt text. Direct link to the original artwork in the source of this post.

One of the things I appreciate most as a dungeon master is when my players not only RP (I love you for it), but immerse themselves to the degree where they try to avoid mechanical terms like "short rest" or "skill check". So here are some ways I've found that can be done, if you really want to treat your game master/storyteller/person who runs the game to some immersion they don't have to be responsible for!

Skill Checks

Instead of saying "I want to roll [skill] to..." (because, you don't get to choose your skill check - the game master does), instead explain what it is that you want to achieve:

"Do I believe what she's saying about her family?"

"I want to look for signs of hidden doors in this room."

"I am going to take the device apart to see if I can figure out how it was made."

"Does the painting look like anything I can recognize?"

Doing it like this means you hand your game master a springboard on a silver platter (unsure if that combination of metaphors work, but whatever) from which they can easily jump into a description of your efforts.

Resting

If you work with a system like D&D where you are encouraged to take frequent in-game rests, it's a lot more immersive to talk to your fellow players about your needs for rest if you do it in character, instead of saying "I'm out of spell slots" or "I want to take a short rest". Here are some suggestions:

"I really need a moment to sit down."

"Don't know about the rest of you, but I have some wounds I have to tend to."

"I can't go on like this, we need to find somewhere to sleep for the night soon."

"My head hurts from casting spells all day, I think we should try to avoid fighting until we've rested. Is there an inn nearby?"

After you've discussed it in character, either wait for your game master to ask whether you're taking a break, or tell them outright. You should always confirm that you're on the same page, but just a bit of in-character buildup is something I personally really appreciate. It also adds to the feeling that your characters are real people experiencing exhaustion, not just (video) game people.

Healing/Hit Point Loss

You can't see hit points! They're an arbitration for us as players to keep track of how well a character is doing physically, but asking in the middle of combat "who's low on hit points?" when that is not something the characters know what is kinda wrecks it for me. Instead, consider:

"I saw [character] was struck earlier, how badly hurt do they look?"

"You see how blood is pouring from a deep cut in my arm, it looks really painful."

"[Character] is a little woozy from the blow to the head he just suffered, but he'll be fine."

"I want to spend some time examining the burns [other character] suffered during our last fight - how bad is it?"

Basically, treat your player characters' hitpoints the same you do the hitpoints of an enemy: With zero idea of what the actual number is.

Melee Combat

Not gonna lie, unless you are into martial arts and such, you probably run out of ways to describe "I hit the monster with my sword/fist" fast. However, just going "I roll to hit; that's [x] points of damage" again gives that very video game-y feel that I think should really be avoided as much as possible when you sit with a TTRPG. Try one of these on occasion to shake things up:

"I take a running leap and bring my axe down hard on its arm!"

"With my legs around her throat, I slam my elbow into her face!"

"I do a series of somersaults toward the mafia don and try to kick him right in the gut!"

Just because you can't cast spells doesn't mean you can't pull some theatrical moves!

Ranged Combat

A lot of what I said about melee combat above also applies to ranged combat, I feel - and can be solved similarly.

"I point my gun and aim for the tiny gap in their visor."

"Nocking one of my enchanted arrows, I shoot at their feet and try to ignite the ground around them."

"I aim for the rope holding the chandelier in an attempt to shoot it down."

"Bracing for the recoil, I aim my rifle at the hand she has her sword in, and pull the trigger."

Maybe look up some videos of people using the weapon(s) your character uses to get a feel for how to describe the movements involved? It's certainly something I need to do more!

Spellcasting

Spellcasting is a special beast, not only good for combat but also in many utility situations. And there are a lot of ways to talk about it without referring to spell slots or class spell lists. Here are some:

"Can you cast [spell] today?" "No, I'd have to meditate on it/consult some books first."

"I bring out my magical orb, and you see how it starts to spin rapidly over my hand until it's just a blur, and I cast [spell]."

"I'm sorry, that sort of thing is beyond my capabilities. We should try to find a powerful wizard, they might know how to do that."

"Five lightning bolts shoot from each of my fingertips, right at the enemy!"

Take advantage of the spell descriptions that come with the spell to explain what it looks like when you use the various components, and when the spell takes effect - and maybe also what happens when it fizzles out for whatever reason.

If you're not super comfortable with roleplaying, but want to try doing it more, I hope you take this as positive encouragement and as an example that it doesn't have to be all that hard or elaborate all the time to increase your feelings of being immersed in the game. We can do this!

Disclaimer: 95% of my experience with TTRPGs are in fantasy settings. I'm sure someone else has much better examples of roleplaying for Sci-Fi and other genres. Please do add to this post if you have any thoughts!

[just-a-little-cellist]

Levi Ackerman - NSFW Alphabet

A/N: i'm bored so i'm just writing these nsfw headcanons for all my comfort characters, don't judge me. feel free to request - i posted request rules so go check it out :)

enjoy! nsfw under the cut :P

A - Aftercare (what are they like after sex)

The first time you have sex, Levi needs a lot of comfort. He'd never been that vulnerable with someone before and it took a lot for him to open up like that, so aftercare for him is the priority. Once sex becomes more frequent and he gets used to everything, he's the one to clean you both up but he still needs more emotional reassurance than he'll admit.

B - Body part (fav body part of themselves/their partner)

He isn't a vain person, so he'd probably say his arms just because of how much you love them. He wasn't too fussed at first but because of all the attention you give them he's started growing fonder of them.

His favourite part of you is your neck and collarbones. He didn't even realize he had a thing for that until he met you, and whenever you wear chokers he can't take his eyes off you.

C - Cum (where do they prefer to cum?)

Levi prefers to cum on your stomach, purely because it makes it easier to clean up. (He's always very mindful of any mess.)

D - Dirty secret (self-explanatory)

It obviously couldn't happen because of his status, but it sends a shiver of arousal through him whenever he imagines you humiliating him in public. It's something he wants to try in private, though he's nervous to talk about it with you.

E - Experience (how experienced are they?)

Levi is a virgin, since he doesn't have sex with people he doesn't genuinely, 100% trust. You'll have to guide him through everything at the beginning, however he's a quick learner and picks it up pretty fast.

F - Favourite position (goes without saying)

He likes missionary a lot because it lets him feel close to you, and he'll melt if you wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. He also gets shy sometimes, so this position is perfect to hide his face in your neck.

G - Goofy (are they goofy or serious in the moment?)

Other than the odd sarcastic comment, he's generally serious. If he's in a vulnerable position then joking around doesn't calm his nerves at all.

H - Hair (opinions on grooming etc.)

Levi keeps his own hair neatly trimmed. He'd prefer if you keep yours vaguely under control but, as long as it's clean, it's up to you how you keep it.

I - Intimacy (how intimate are they during sex?)

It takes him a while to fully open up to you, but sex becomes one of the most intimate moments you ever share with Levi where he truly breaks down all his walls for you, just the two of you.

J - Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't tend to masturbate unless he's really desperate. Something about it just makes him uncomfortable, but he also has urges sometimes when you aren't available.

K - Kinks (again, pretty self-explanatory)

When you first started sleeping together, Levi had more of the control because he thought that was the way it was 'supposed' to be. However once you brought up the idea of him being submissive, your dynamic shifted. He was extremely hesitant at the beginning because he wasn't used to being in such a powerless position, though as soon as you managed to get him into a submissive headspace it became a regular occurrence.

Levi is a sub at heart who needs a soft dom more than anything. Some of the kinks you've explored that he likes are bondage, light impact play, praise, orgasm denial and marking (as long as the marks are hidden during the day.)

He also definitely has a bit of a humiliation kink but he's still working up the courage to tell you.

L - Location (favourite place to do the deed)

His favourite place is a tie between the shower and his desk. Sometimes when he's had a long day and doesn't want a full scene, he likes to have sex in the shower (also it makes clean-up easier). Although if he feels like subbing, as long as the door is locked, one of his favourite things is for you to cockwarm him while he's trying to work.

M - Motivation (what gets them going)

Showing skin is a sure-fire way to get him riled up. I personally headcanon Levi as demisexual, so he doesn't care when other people show skin, but if it's you? All you have to do is leave a couple buttons undone, expose your chest a little, and he is done for. Also, slipping casual praise into conversations will sometimes start pushing him into a submissive headspace, especially if you've done a lot of scenes with him recently because he starts responding to that tone of voice.

N - No (something they'd never do)

He doesn't like intense pain play - he's had enough pain the rest of his life so he needs you to be gentle with him. He also wouldn't want a harsh or strict dom, preferring to have you take care of him instead.

O - Oral (preference in giving, receiving etc.)

He enjoys both equally. Before you'd had sex you wanted to ease him into the experience carefully, so you gave him his first blowjob and he almost sobbed from the stimulation. Buuuuuuut alongside that he would also happily spend hours between yours legs - the praise you give him as he pleasures you and the feeling of you clenching around his tongue is almost enough to make him finish without any physical touch.

P - Pace (are they fast, slow, quick, rough?)

If it's just against the wall in the shower then it tends to be a bit faster, and on the odd occasion Levi feels more dominant he can get rougher, but he is usually perfectly content to let you decide the pace entirely.

Q - Quickie (opinion on quickies)

They're good sometimes, especially when you're both very busy with other duties. They're good to relieve basic urges, but Levi would never choose them over a full scene.

R - Risk (how open are they to risk?)

Levi is open to a bit of experimentation, but never anything exhibitionist. He can't risk the possibility of someone catching him in a compromising position, considering his importance in the military, so he insists that you keep all bedroom activities private.

S - Stamina (how long can they go for?)

As expected, at the start Levi had pretty low stamina since it was all so new and overwhelming. It gotten a little better since then but he also has a fairly quick recovery time to make up for it.

T - Toys (opinion on using toys etc.)

He doesn't particularly enjoy using toys on you, but adores when you use toys on him.

U - Unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

He'll only tease you a little when he's in a dominant mood and you've been doing something to piss him off, but the rest of the time it's not something he does at all. (He kind of likes when you tease him though.)

V - Volume (are they loud or quiet?)

Levi is cautious to control his volume so that other people don't hear, but his whimpers of pleasure can get quite loud sometimes.

W - Wild card (random headcanon)

During a scene once, while he was deep into subspace, he accidently called you mommy. When he realized what he said he was mortified, and almost started dropping. You had to quickly assure him that it was perfectly alright, that you weren't upset with him, and that you don't mind it if he wants to keep calling you that. He only uses that name for you when he's really, really submissive, and it's adorable hearing the tiny whimpers of "P-please mommy..."

X - X-ray (what's going on... down there?)

So many people seem to think that this man has a monster cock. He is 5'3 there is no way. He's a little smaller than average, in length and girth, but that just means you can hear him whine when you take his whole length into your mouth.

Y - Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is low most of the time. He has so many other things he has to focus on everyday, so sex doesn't cross his mind that much. Sex is more of a stress relief that he doesn't think too much about until it happens.

Z - Zzzzz... (how quickly do they fall asleep after?)

Being an insomniac, Levi takes a while to settle down to sleep, although it's always a little easier when he's comfortably next to you. (definitely the little spoon)

[gyusbambi]

humph; han seojun (pt 4)

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 5

click here for humph masterlist!

story: frenemies to enemies to lovers, high school au

synopsis: seojun and you have known each other since kindergarten. you’re neighbors and even attended the same singing and piano classes. despite knowing each other for such a long time, you don’t enjoy spending time with seojun. even though you are aware of his unfairness, you keep spending time with him. when will you finally leave your childhood frenemy?

note: humph! is a story inspired by pentagon’s “humph! / 접근금지”. originally, this is a seungyeon fanfiction, which i posted on my wattpad. words: 3.8k

to claim that the cupid-team is surprised to witness han seojun getting along with his long term frenemy would be an absolute understatement. in fact, they seem completely and utterly dumbfounded as they watch you both laugh at a joke seojun pulled in the middle of the bus ride back home. needless to say, the childhood friends tease each other now and then like they’re used to it, this time without hurting any feelings. all of these observations, including the fact that you decided to sit next to each other in the bus, lead to several assumptions and without you knowing, rumors start to develop. 

for whatever reason, neither you nor seojun are aware of the gossip regarding both of you. perhaps it’s thanks to kim chorong, who’s apparently really skilled at being inconspicuous. 

_

it’s been one day since you arrived home and you find yourself sleeping in till two pm on a saturday. 

seriously, you should fix your chaotic sleeping schedule.

when you finally leave your room to get some food into your stomach, dressed in your favorite hoodie and sweatpants, your mum and juyeong are already eating lunch. like expected, they give you a quick judging look without interrupting their conversation. while you’re putting some rice in a bowl they talk about juyeong’s crush on some girl. soon their conversation moves to something related to seojun, and that's when you suddenly pay attention instead of playing with the cold food on your plate.

"y/n, is seojun’s mother in a better condition now?"

instantly you look up to react to your mum’s question. instead of looking at you, she puts more vegetables on juyeong’s table,

"it's been a few days since i last visited her, maybe i should do it again soon. i really hope she gets better."

"what are you talking about?"

"seojun hyung's mum is in hospital." juyeong answers, his mouth stuffed with food while pushing the vegetables away with a scrunched face.

"what?"

"hasn't he told you about his mum? i thought you guys would tell each other everything." my mum questioned with a small pout forming on her lips, finally meeting your worried eyes.

"they broke up.", your annoying brother fails the attempt to whisper.

"we're not together!"

displeased, you hiss at your brother, voice getting higher.

"you guys act like a married couple sometimes. it's annoying."

"shut up!"

"both of you stop now." your mother sighs while her hands move in the air in attempt to stop you from attacking your own brother.

"seojun’s mum is seriously sick and i'm going to visit her tomorrow morning. y/n, maybe you should do too? or talk to him a little since he's probably not doing so well."

"i will."

feeling upset that you’re just finding out about seojun’s mother’s condition, you can’t stop thinking about it for the whole day. besides that, you are worried and consider visiting them the next day.

even though their house is quite near to yours, you have to go through the dangerous part of your quarter. as you make your way to the han’s, your hand moves to your right pocket to grab the pocketknife, which seojun gifted you in your freshman year of high school. for defense reasons, he said.

"you need to be careful when you're walking down this street. here, have this."

however, instead of seeing a group of dangerous men, you spot han seojun himself, walking towards your direction with hands in his pocket. thinking of a casual way of greeting him, you clear your throat before taking a few steps forwards in order to greet him,

"hey!”

"hey, what are you doing here?"

surprised to see you in this area, seojun raises his eyebrows.

"well, i actually wanted to visit- what the hell happened to your face?"

rapidly, you interrupt yourself when the boy is finally close enough for you to spot the multiple bruises on his pale skin. this causes you take a few steps forward and reach for his cheek instantly, worry written all over your face.

he looks horrible. bruises all over his face, lip bleeding, knuckles visibly red.

seojun catches glimpse of your worried eyes and feels embarrassed for you to find him at this state. instead of making the attempt to explain the situation, he grabs your hand which rests on his cheek. the touch of your warm and soft hand causes a pressure building in this chest. seojun doesn’t dare to take his eyes off of yours.

suddenly your cheeks feel like they’re turning into the shade of a tomato. besides that, your heart starts acting all weird when you catch glimpse of his intense eyes.

"what happened?" you question once again, this time with even more concern.

"it's not important-"

"did you get into a fight?"

"that bastard lee seungyong was getting on my nerves again, it's not important." he sighs after running his hand through his hair.

"alright. come on, we need to clean those bruises before they get worse." you mutter after grabbing his right arm and pulling him towards your house.

_

seojun hisses with a painful expression as you attempt to clean the awful wounds on his cheeks. with a concentrated look crossing over your face, you focus on the terrible cut. however, you impatiently drop your hand on your lap when seojun can’t seem to stop moving, an annoyed sigh followed after. 

“could you stop moving the whole time? i’m trying to do something here.”,

positioning yourself closer to the boy sitting on the edge of your bed, you’re ready to treat his wounds for the third time. seojun only grins playfully despite the painful bruises,

“look at you acting like a doctor.”

ignoring his comment, you raise your hand once again to reach for his chin. fingers brushing on his skin, you are able to focus. this time seojun doesn’t flinch. quite the contrary, he’s like frozen on spot. the only thing he seems to be able to focus on are your features. 

nothing but silence dominates your room as you decide to clean the cut on his bottom lip. you fingers brushing over his soft lip, eyes completely focused on them, the poor boy’s heart is about to explode in front of you. he internally thanks to god that you don’t notice his chest rising up and down or his ears turning into a darker shade of red. breath taken away, his eyes linger on your lips, blinking frequently.

yet, his relief only lasts for a couple seconds when the silence eventually makes you look up to seojun, only to find him already staring at you, eyes gazing at your lips.

not aware of your slightly surprised eyes, he continues staring. clearly, your bodies are almost attached to each other. not to mention, you leaned in a little earlier, grip on his shoulder to prevent him from moving. the young boy practically prays that you won’t hear his heart racing in his chest.

aren’t you even a little nervous? it almost makes him annoyed how the closeness doesn’t seem to bother you at all.

little does he know that you feel the exact same way. in fact, you’re so bothered by the butterflies in your stomach that you suddenly wish that he would just continue making dumb jokes or rude comments.

pulling your hand away from his shoulder in a swift move, you blink. still, you’re not able to look away which seems so stupid and unbelievably odd. 

seconds after you catch glimpse of his hand getting closer to yours but that isn’t enough for you to look away.

why would someone look attractive with a beaten face? that doesn't make any sense.

seeing him in this state, bruises, messy hair, intense gaze, flushed face, makes you want to hug him, ask him what was wrong, tell him you were here for him.

however, right when you think he is going to say something or reach for your hand and hold it...

"guess who just ate two big delicious menus-"

juyeong.

the second your brother lays eyes on seojun sitting super close to you, his eyes widen in horror.

"o-oh adult business, i get it. i'll leave now. bye, hyung!"

yet, of course, before leaving your room he doesn’t miss the chance to make gagging noises.

"and y/n, sadly, there wasn't enough food for you."

his fake pout makes you want to throw your slipper at him but you just close your eyes for a second and exhale, trying to remain calm.

seojun only chuckles with amusement.

"mum! y/n and seojun hyung are a couple again. can she move out now?"

juyeong’s annoying voice can be heard all the way too my room. embarrassed, you glance at seojun, who is obviously trying to hold in his laugh.

"i'm sorry for my brother."

"you don't need to be."

"a-anyways, are you better now? i mean your bruises?" you stammer while pointing at his face, wanting to ignore what just happened.

"yeah, a lot better. thank you."

he trails off, eyes darting through the room,

"i-i should probably leave now."

right, your stupid self forgot to ask him about his mum.

"i heard about your mum. i hope she's doing better?"

“thankfully, she is. it's a little difficult for us but we’re going through this."

“hopefully she’ll feel better soon. i’m sure you’re taking good care of her,”

you’re always like that. caring about others more than yourself.

“if you need anything, i’m here.”

he smiles genuinely, “thank you.“

and that's when he leaves.

_

the sun shines outside the next day. but instead of going out and enjoying the nice weather like other normal people, you lay on your bed while thinking about the previous day. strangely, you couldn’t stop thinking about the way seojun made you feel. 

why did your heart race? why were you left speechless?

in the corner of your mind, there’s been an explanation for your weird feelings for your childhood friend. although, you’ve always tried to ignore it and distract yourself.

but now, thinking about all the times seojun made your heart flutter, it just made sense.

you like him.

“no!”

with widen eyes you swiftly stand up, not believing yourself.

it couldn’t be, right? everyone feels this way to their friend at some point of their friendship, no?

but the thing is: you’ve been feeling like this the whole time. 

letting yourself fall on your bed, you scream into your pillow.

you like han seojun.

and there’s no way your former frenemy likes you back.

_

it’s another school morning as you walk into your class. this time however, you’re nervous to enter the room. after all, you’ll have to be around the one person you now feel nervous talking to. what if he notices your odd behavior. praying that he won’t approach you in a way that made your heart flutter, you eventually enter the classroom.

however, it seems like the universe is making fun of you when you’re met with something hundred times worse the moment you step into the room. instantly, all eyes land on you and all you hear are cheers and screams from your classmates,

“congratulations on dating, y/n and seojun!”

“you’re so cute together!”

“y/n and seojun sitting on a tree!”

at the sight of chorong and his group wearing t-shirts with your shipname printed on them, your eyes widen in horror. they think you’re dating han seojun?!

“why didn’t you tell me anything? i’m your close friend after all!”

sua pouts, hitting your arm playfully while your eyes are still glued on the ridiculous t-shirts.

“is it true, y/n?”,

from the corner of your eye you see soojin giving you a teasing smile.

“listen, guys. there has been a huge misunderstanding.”,

when you can finally focus on your friends, who surround you with curious looks, han seojun enters the classroom, completely unaware of what’s happening right now.

the young boy frowns at chorong after setting his bag on his table. yet soon his confused face changes to a shocked one, as he eventually notices the t-shirts, everyone congratulating him with cheerful laughter.

turning his head to you, he notices your helpless look while you tilt your head to the side. totally surprised by everything, seojun has no clue how to act at the beginning. 

finally, both of you manage to stand in front of the class, facing your classmates as they continue asking several questions,

“since when have you been dating?”

“no way! did anything happen during the school trip?”

“tell us the truth!”

frustrated, you move your hands in the air, trying to speak with a loud tone so that everyone can understand you,

“i don’t know how you came up with this rumor but seojun and me are only friends, okay?”

hearing your statement, everyone groans at the same time, not believing you at all,

“it’s so obvious! just tell us the truth.”

letting out a sigh, you turn your head to face seojun with an annoyed look,

“could you at least say something?”

however, seojun only raises his eyebrows before taking his hands out of his pockets,

“would you hate it that much?”

his sentence makes you frown and multiple questions appear in your head. not quite understanding his point, you continue staring at him with furrowed eyebrows before he finally slams his hand on the desk in front of him, catching everyone’s attention,

“you guys better stop spreading all those rumors around. she’s only my friend...,”

disappointed, many students groan before going back to their seats while others still don’t seem to believe seojun and shake their heads in denial.

seojun bends down to your height so that his face is only a few inches apart from yours before whispering with one eyebrow raised,

“...right?”

nervously you blink, sadness starting to grow inside you after hearing his words. of course, he only considers you as his friend. there’s no way he would see you as something more.

_

friday nights are always the same for you: watching your current favorite tv show while snacking on whatever you have at home. whereas other people from your grade probably club somewhere.

that night your phone rings and an unknown number appears on the screen. thinking it’s a stupid prank, you pick it up with an annoyed sigh.

"hello?"

"hello. is this y/n?"

"yes. who am i talking to?"

there is a short silence before the unknown person starts talking again,

"look, i work at this club near your neighborhood and this dude randomly passed out here. i found your number on his phone so i thought of calling you. can you maybe come and get him? he's seriously wasted a– dude, what the hell, stop spilling all the drinks!"

"i'm sorry but who are you talking about?"

you heard the unknown man mumble before answering, "seojung? seung- seojun?"

"han seojun?"

"yes! that's his name."

a short silence takes over when you sit up in shock.

"so, are you coming?"

you sigh before replying, "i need the adress.”

_

the moment you enter that club, you want to return to your house. many people dance on the dance floor, totally wasted. everyone is pressing their bodies against each other's. the loud music makes you feel even more uncomfortable. you look around and let out a relieved sigh when you find a bartender with a phone on his hand.

"hello, i'm here for seojun. the guy who–"

"hey, finally! he's right here."

you follow the man to the other side of the club, where people are sitting on the couches and drinks were sold every minute. it doesn’t take you long to spot seojun sitting on the couch. his eyes are closed but his head is swinging from left to right. you can’t believe your eyes. you’re pretty sure you haven’t seen him in a state like this ever before.

"don't worry. your boyfriend didn't hook up with anyone." the bartender next to you said.

"he's not my boyfriend."

"what are you then?"

"i'm his..." you trail off before answering,

"neighbor! i’m his neighbor!"

seojun shouldn't know that you came to pick him up at this time.

without waiting any longer, you help seojun getting up and wrap his arm around your shoulder. before leaving the club, the bartender reaches you seojun’s phone and makes sure to call a taxi. after thanking him you leave with seojun’s heavy body.

while waiting for the taxi to arrive, seojun keeps rambling stupid things you can’t understand. it’s getting harder for you to stand with him by yourself every minute, so you decide to sit on the bench with him, which is a couple steps away from the bus station.

you let out an exhausted sigh after sitting down and then turn your head towards him. suddenly you grab his face and make him look at you. he smiles like an idiot after you brush his bangs away from his forehead. his cheeks are extremely red, his lips pouting slightly and his eyes struggling not to close. your cold hands hold his warm, soft cheeks while you analyze his expressions. you have to admit: seojun looks cute.

after a few seconds he suddenly frowns. he narrows his eyes and tilts his head to the side slightly, looks you up and down considerately before asking,

"who are you?"

“you don't know who i am?"

"hmmm..." he rubs his chin carefully, acting like he’s solving a mystery,

"no."

"good."

"you're telling me that that's fine?" seojun giggles and covers his mouth.

"yes, absolutely."

"alright! i'm han seojun. who are you?" he stretches his hand out for you to shake.

"does that matter?”

“of course! who are you, young lady?”

"that's not important right now. what matters is that you're extremely drunk. what were you doing here?"

"you're rude!" he pouts and crosses his arms,

"you won't even tell me your name."

"why are you acting so childish?"

"i-i don't know."

"never mind. that's fine."

"really?!"

"yeah, you're good."

you notice how his lips form a small smile,

"you're nice and then rude and then nice and then- you remind me of someone you know?"

yes, that's you.

"my friend y/n."

"oh, really?" you sarcastically laugh.

"yeah! she's like you. but prettier. like so much prettier. she’s pretty."

"that doesn't even make sense."

"huh?" seojun asks confused.

oh no, why do you have to be so cute.

"actually, it’s hard for me to be her friend." suddenly he’s all sad,

"sometimes i cross the line and don’t know my limits. but she's so dumb and stubborn!"

"and why is that?” frowning, you cross your arms in front of your chest, waiting for his response. 

he only sighs with tiredness, "never mind–"

and then he falls asleep on your shoulder.

_

finally you arrive at seojun’s house and fortunately all the lights are out. with his heavy body pressing to your small one, you struggle to carry him up the stairs. quietly, the door is opened by you before seojun falls into his bed. your head starts hurting, which makes you sit down next to him and massage your temples. however, you help seojun standing up and carry him to the bathroom carefully, in order to wash his face. he lets you take off his jacket and his shoes. finally he lays down on his back, with his face facing the ceiling.

"don't lie on your back." you demand.

"hm?" seojun’s eyes are firmly closed when he mutters with tiredness.

"lie on your side." you pull his body to the side, so that he could face you.

definitely, his facials expressions change. his lips are no longer pouted, his eyes extremely tired, his cheeks pale. from analyzing his face once again, you fail to notice him staring at you with his eyebrows drawn together. soon his confused expression changes to a sad one when you cover his body with his bed sheets.

"i'm sorry." seojun mutters suddenly. you expect him to continue, as he grabs both of your hands and slightly pulls you closer to him. a shiver goes down your spine.

"y/n, you deserve better."

he knows it’s you? 

"i know i treated badly but i need you."

his eyes are barely opened, his words barely understandable. your hands start shivering as his grip tightens.

"i-i should go."

"no! please stay here." he rambles drunkly.

you decide to stay a little longer, just until he would fall asleep and hopefully forget everything that has happened this night.

“i mi..."

you aren’t able to understand his quiet mumbling, so you lean in a little,

“what did you say?"

“i miss y/n."

silence takes over the room before you finally reply,

“i missed you too, seojun-ah.”

your words make him open his eyes immediately. with a surprised face he tilts his head slightly and narrows his eyes,

"y/n?"

instead of saying anything, you hold his hand while he’s still questioning your identity. all of the sudden his hands leave yours to grab your face. without waiting too long he pulls your face closer to his. instantly, your eyes widen when you notice the small gap between your noses. intensively, he looks into your eyes. so many emotions can be read from his look, yet you can’t figure out what he‘s feeling exactly. they have the most beautiful brown color you have ever seen. so deep, that you could get lost in them. only seconds pass, but it still feels like you were staring at each other for an eternity. you can even feel his soft breath on your face, which causes your ears to turn a dark shade of crimson.

seojun then glances at your lips before looking back into your eyes again. without waiting any longer he presses your lips together, one hand holding your cheek while the other grabs your waist. you let out a small gasp, your eyes remain closed, your whole body frozen. is this really happening?

when you’re finally able to kiss him back and hold firmly into his shoulders, he tilts your head, deepening the kiss. you feel your heart beating thousand times faster, almost exploding in your chest, as his soft lips press against yours. your face is glowing when you eventually wrap your arms around his neck to pull him closer, unable to resist the warm feeling. without doubt, you are sure that you've never felt something like this before.

seojun slowly pulls back when he feels your fingers softly tugging at his hair, leaving a small gap between your lips. you feel his breath on your face when he hums something before his lips meet yours for the second time, not giving you enough time to open your eyes,

“hmm, strawberries.”

feeling his lips forming a small smile, your heart is about to explode in your chest. seojun was insanly drunk but clearly enjoys the taste of strawberry lip balm, brushing his thumb over your cheek softly.

soon you break the kiss only to find seojun falling asleep on his bed seconds later. not believing what just happened you stare at him, admiring his features before panic takes over you and you rush out of his house.

would he remember any of this tomorrow?

_

to be continued...

(p.s: sorry for making you wait for so long🥺)

[watchmegetobsessed]

Update - Harry Styles

i’ve been deep inmy harry feels and this thought just wouldn’t leave me alone so i had to write it. im thinking about starting a taglist for harry, i think i’ll write more about him in the future. let me know if you’d be interested in the taglist!

word count: ~5.9k

masterlist

Sequel: The best present

Harry is not that into YouTube videos, has never really been, which is kind of ironic seeing the number of videos on the internet that is about him. The man himself who makes everyone talk online feels weird seeing someone talking on his screen, looking into his soul as if they were right there with him. But today he felt the sudden urge to be like his peers and get lost in random rambling videos from strangers, who felt the need to put themselves out there.

He has made a mean cup of tea for himself, made himself comfortable on his couch with his laptop balancing on his thighs and now is opening up his browser to unwind in an unusual way. As YouTube opens in front of his tired eyes, he stops when he tries to type in the keywords he is searching for. What is he looking for really? He thinks to himself trying to remember what he heard from his friends when they talked about funny or interesting videos. One thing is for sure, he is trying to avoid watching videos of himself in any content. He has had enough of him for the day, it’s time to focus on someone else, even if he doesn’t know the person.

He scrolls through several pages of many different keywords until he settles for a video where a girl talks about how her latest moving day went. Starting off Harry feels weird listening to her talk about such personal things as where her bed went in her room, how she packed all her stuff to fit them in the boxes, but soon enough this feeling settles and he starts to realize it’s kind of relaxing.

It doesn’t take too long for him to fall down a rabbit hole and by the time his tea empties out from his cup he is intensely watching a guy rant about his boss at Subway while doing a mukbang. The latter is a new discovery for Harry, he has never heard of it before, but he can see why some people find it satisfying.

The video ends, Harry checks the time and sees that it’s already after midnight and he hasn’t even realized how fast time flew by.

“Alright, just one more,” he mumbles to himself scrolling down the column of the recommended videos until his eyes stop at one particular upload at the very bottom.

July update for my Sammy, ready the title and an eye-catchingly beautiful girl is smiling from the thumbnail. He finds her breathtaking, the lack of makeup, the worn out hoodie she is wearing and the many various plants in the background makes it appear she is sitting in the middle of the forest.

Harry finds himself clicking on the video before he could even decide consciously to watch it. The screen loads and the girl appears in front of him, this time in a much larger size.

“Hi Sammy, welcome back to our channel,” she starts with an angelic little laugh as she pulls her shoulders up to her ears as if the camera is making her shy. She has no reason to be shy, Harry thinks to himself. His second thought is about Sammy, he is one lucky guy to know this angel and have her think about him. “It’s Y/N here, your one and only sister,” she adds.

Sister. The word brings Harry relief and he is surprised to feel this way, but he has no time to think anything of it because she starts talking again.

“Here is my July update, I’m sorry I’m a little late, but we got back from Oregon yesterday. Aunt Ella is sending you kisses and hugs, she missed you at the barbeque, or maybe it was just your helping hand at the grill,” she chuckles to herself, probably recalling the memory.

Harry has no idea who Aunt Ella is or where she lives in Oregon, but the way she talks about it makes him feel like he is part of the family a little.

Y/N carries on and starts talking about everything that has happened in July. Painting the shed at her parents’ home, buying a new armchair, one her cat absolutely adores and refuses to sleep anywhere else now, she went to the hairdresser to get a trim, but not too much. She tells about her plans for August, how she is thinking about going to the farmers’ market more often, and she has been playing with the idea of adopting another cat.

“I think Henry has been feeling a little lonely lately. He could use a buddy,” she tells the camera, her eyes moving to the side from where a weak but moody meow can be heard as an answer. “Yeah, I think he agrees,” she chuckles and Harry finds himself smiling at the screen.

At the end of the video she asks a few questions from Sammy, how he has been doing, if his wrist feels any better, even asks about a friend called Matthew. Harry wonders if she has ever gotten the answers to her questions and where Sammy saw this video. What is he doing that made her want to do an update on YouTube?

When the video ends Harry clicks on her profile faster than he would willingly admit to anyone and it’s like he opened the gate to paradise. Tens and maybe hundreds of videos are queuing on her page, monthly updates, birthday wishes, short story times about family gatherings, news and happenings in her life.

Harry gets lost in her tales. He watches video after video, noticing the smallest details about her, almost mentally taking notes about her updates, finding anything and everything she talks about so interesting as if he knew those people and places she mentions. He comes to realization that Sammy is her older brother who is serving somewhere in the military. Y/N is making the videos to update him about her life even if she knows most of them doesn’t get to him until weeks later, but it doesn’t seem to bother her. He also learns that Sammy sends them back lengthy emails once a month and always ends them with a joke they made up with his mates at the army. Y/N loves them even when they're not even funny, she never fails to mention that she smiled reading them.

Hours pass by and the rising Sun peeks inside the window pulling Harry back to his own reality, shocked that he just spent the whole night watching her videos and didn’t even realize how deep he has gotten in her life. Lucky for him he has nothing planned until the afternoon, so shutting his laptop he sets it aside and heads straight to bed, but lying between his silky sheets he catches himself staring out the window, wondering what Y/N might be doing right now. From what he collected she lives somewhere in Spokane and has family in Seattle and Portland, which puts her quite a few time zones behind him. He finds the thought of them going to bed at the same time despite the distance a little funny. He lies in bed for quite some time before he finally drifts off to sleep with a particular girl on his mind, who doesn’t even know he is thinking about her.

 “Do you think you can fall for someone you have never met?”

Harry’s question catches Mitch a little off-guard, but he is kind of used to his random bits of thoughts. Pouring some sugar into his coffee he follows the wondering singer to a free table in the corner.

“Isn’t it what all your fans feel?” he answers with a question, earning a surprised look from Harry. He hasn’t thought about this side, now the situation is kind of ironic, he supposes.

“Y’re right,” he nods stirring his coffee around in the small cup.

“Want to let me in on your thoughts?”

Harry feels a little shy to admit how he has watched all of her videos in the past few days, 207 to be exact and now he feels an oddly deep connection to this girl he has never even seen outside of a screen. Last night he dug up her Instagam profile, and even though she is not posting as frequently as she does on her channel, it was a refreshing change to see her in different settings. Chilling at a lake, having drinks with her friends, playing with her parents’ puppy, it amazed him that she has a whole life outside that small portion she lets him see in her videos.

Hesitantly, but he tells his friend about his latest hobby, if it’s not too weird to call it that, while his friend patiently listens and nods along his words while sipping on his morning coffee.

“D’you think I’m crazy?” Harry sighs leaning back in his seat, looking at his friend and colleague for validation that he hasn’t lost his mind entirely.

“Definitely not,” he chuckles shaking his head. “It’s like falling for that girl in school you know so much about but never really met.”

“Only that I’m stalkin’ this poor girl.”

“This is not stalking. We both know it’s far from that.” Harry nods with slight relief that his situation doesn’t seem as bad as he has been feeling lately. “Have you gotten in touch with her?”

“And what am I supposed to do? Comment on her video that I think her cat’s a cutie and I watched all her videos in three days ‘cuz I think she’s beautiful and I find her voice soothing?”

Mitch lets out a soft chuckle at the oddly specific answer he just gave and finds it amusing how interested his friend has grown about someone in such a short time.

“Maybe phrase it a little different.”

“So you do think I should reach out?”

“I don’t see why you shouldn’t. Use your personal YouTube, leave her a nice comment. Maybe she’ll reply.”

“And then what?”

“I don’t know, Harry,” he chuckles. “Just go with it and you’ll see. You are obviously interested in her, it’s better than just sit and watch her videos.”

Harry agrees. It wouldn’t hurt to try to reach out to her, possibly in a not too creepy way. Maybe just a sweet comment on one of her videos and if she replies… Well, he doesn’t know what comes after, but he’ll figure it out.

 Y/N updates regularly. Usually once a week and mostly it’s Sunday when a new video gets uploaded. This next Sunday Harry finds himself checking her page occasionally through the day to see if there’s a new update, but it seems like she is missing today. Right until he is driving home and gets a notification from the app.

Y/N has just uploaded a new video! It reads and Harry’s heart beats a tad bit faster. He thinks about pulling over to see it right away, but he tells himself that would be a bit too much, so he is forced to wait until he is in the comfort of his home.

Finally sitting on his couch he opens up his laptop and clicks on the video that has the title: September update.

Y/N sits in her usual spot, Henry in her arms as she is gently stroking his head with a warm smile on her face.

“Hi Sammy! Welcome back to our channel,” she greets him with her usual words and Harry loves how she calls the channel theirs. “This is my September update, even though not much has happened,” she breathes out, eyes wandering to the window besides her and Harry wonders what she sees from her window every day. Does she live in the city? Is it an apartment or a house with a backyard? Are there any trees or does her room have a terrible view, maybe just another house next to hers?

She starts her talk about the month, which she spent mostly with working, a little shopping and meeting her friends. She tells him about her planned trip to the local shelter to see possible new kittens to add to her household and Harry feels himself growing excited about it. He even thinks about what kind of cat he can see get along well with Henry even though he has never even met him.

“Anyway, mom and dad miss you, I miss you too. I loved your joke about ducks in your latest email,” she chuckles sweetly, bringing a smile to Harry’s face as well. “Mom is excited to see you at Christmas, our cousins will come to Portland as well. Maya can’t wait to play Jenga with you, she said she’s been practicing.”

The video soon ends as Y/N tells Sammy how much she loves him and eventually turns the camera off.

He straight away moves the cursor to the beginning of the video and as she starts talking again he scrolls down to the comment section that’s entirely empty. There are only two views on her video, usually a hundred is the max, but she doesn’t seem to care about the views, it’s more about the message.

He clicks to type a comment, but his hands stop above the keyboard as he tries to think of what to write. Mitch was right about taking a chance at reaching out, but what is he supposed to write exactly? Everything that comes to his mind sounds so creepy and scary, and he knows it’s weird that he formed such a deep connection to an unknown girl online. At last he starts typing.

“Hi Y/N! I’ve stumbled across your videos the other day. Love how you keep your brother updated, it’s such a nice gesture. I hope life treats you and Sammy well, you truly deserve it. Good luck with finding a buddy for Henry! Love, an admirer of yours, H.”

He reads it back several times, deleting then retyping it again until he decides to just go with it. A rush of adrenaline washes over his body when he sends the comment and it’s officially out there. Secretly he wishes she would reply right away, but moments pass by, then moments turn into minutes and nothing happens. His comment stands there alone and he has to realize that maybe she will never even reply or even see it.

It doesn’t matter, he tells himself as he shuts the laptop down and goes on to do his things, but he finds his thoughts wander over to her from time to time.

He has a busy day ahead of him the next day, quite a few meetings and a fitting. He checks back for a reply in the morning, but it slips his mind the moment he leaves from home and his phone rings right away. Throughout the day he basically barely has time to check his emails, his other notifications are just sitting patiently on the bar, waiting for him to acknowledge them. It’s way past five in the afternoon when he finally have some time for himself after his fitting. He is sitting in his car, people walk past him without even realizing who is sitting behind the tinted windows. Scrolling down he gets rid of everything that doesn’t seem urgent until his eyes stop at one particular notification.

“Y/N replied to your comment,” he reads it out loud, just to make it real, as if he is seeing it wrong and saying it with his own mouth brings it to life. He quickly taps on it and the familiar video opens up and while Y/N starts talking again the screen jumps down to the comments where, in fact, there is a reply from her.

“Dear H! Thank you for your heartfelt comment! I always forget it’s not just my family who sees these videos, but I’m happy you found them interesting enough to watch a few of them.”

“A few?” Harry huffs to himself feeling a little ridiculous he has watched all of them.

“I hope I didn’t bore you too much. Thank you for the well wishes for me, my brother and Henry too. He is sending his love to you. Y/N xx”

The comment was posted three hours ago. The thought that she has acknowledged his existence with not only reading but also replying to his comment brings him extreme joy. He reads her words over and over again, looking for any clue that would give away that she found his comment weird, but it seems like she was more surprised and happy that someone else saw her video besides her brother. Harry starts to type his reply without hesitation.

“Bore me? You saved me from watching another “what’s in my bag” video the other day. It was a pleasant change. I love your plants, by the way. Your room always gives off the most relaxed vibes. It reminded me I should have more of them in my home. H”

Harry smiles to himself posting his comment, the fear of appearing like a stalker long gone from him, the interaction is making his inside blossom from joy. For his biggest surprise a reply appears just a few minutes away and Harry reads Y/N’s new lines with deep hunger.

“Those videos suck the life out of me every time! I might be having a problem with buying too many plants, but I can’t help myself. They truly bring peace to me just by looking at them. I’m glad you are planning on buying some more, you won’t regret it!”

Harry is dying to reply, but he doesn’t want to look too eager and needy, so he opts for just liking her comment to let her know he read it and agrees. He locks his phone and puts it aside with the widest smile on his face as he starts his car and leaves his parking spot.

Two weeks pass by. In those two weeks Y/N uploads two more videos, one about her time with her grandparents, for a change it was filmed at their home and they even said hello in it. Harry feels wholesome seeing her with her granny and grandpa, it’s clear she cares a lot about them. The other video is just a short one where she has met some of Sammy’s old high school friends and she had a check in from them, sending a sweet message to him through the video. Harry doesn’t doubt how much these little things mean to Sammy, even if he doesn’t get to see them right away. Seeing Y/N alone boosts his mood every time she uploads a new video, he can only imagine how they make Sammy feel.

He leaves comments on her videos without a second thought and she replies to all of them, a lot of the time almost immediately. These are the highlights of his days without exception. Knowing that she has anything to do with him just fascinates him and he is starting to realize what his fans feel towards him on a different level. Whenever he sees the notification that she has replied to what he wrote or that she uploaded a new video he flies right to her page to check it, no matter what he is doing. Some of their comment threads turn out pretty lengthy, almost like a chat conversation and it has Harry wonder how they could maybe move it to somewhere else from the comment section.

He wants to ask for her number, but figures it wouldn’t be the best idea. Regardless of how much he enjoys their short little conversations, the situation is still weird and complicated and he doesn’t want to forget that.

But he is pleasantly surprised when she brings it up herself, to move the conversation to somewhere else.

“Would love to discuss that more with you. Up for exchanging IG names?” her question reads and he blinks a few before he fully comprehends that she wants to talk to him more in private. However there’s no way he can send her his real Instagram profile and making a fake one would be way too suspicious. Opening up the private messages he sends her a short, but informative message.

“I don’t use Instagram, but feel free to text me,” and then his phone number.

He sits at the dinner table anxiously, waiting for his phone to light up from a new text, and just a few minutes later it finally comes.

“Hi! It’s Y/N,” he reads from the notification and he saves the number right away.

“Hello! Save me as Harry. I haven’t even told you my name yet, how rude of me!” he replies chuckling to himself.

“Will let it slip this time. Harry. What a nice name!”

“Is it what you thought about from the H?”

“It was one of my theories. The other one was Hayes, but Harry fits you better.”

“You haven’t even seen me, how do you know what name fits me?”

“I don’t know. You had a vibe. There are many great Harries in the world, you seemed to fit between them!”

Harry wonders if she is thinking about him without even knowing that… it is him. He wants to ask her, but decides not to. Instead, he is enjoying that he can now reach her immediately and not through a comment section. He never thought this would actually happen.

 The texts never stop. They have so much to talk about! Their entire life to share, millions of thoughts and so much to discuss! Harry is not proud of the time he has spent with his eyes glued to his phone, but he wouldn’t miss a chance to talk to her for anything. Their friends are not blind to the change in him, but Mitch is the only one with a guess about why he has gotten so addicted to his phone.

“Is it the girl from the videos?” he asks Harry one time when they are at the studio, having lunch break. Different food boxes are scattered around them, on the table and the couch. Harry’s phone just light up from a text and he immediately dropped his lunch to type a response.

He glances up at his friend with a shy smile nodding his head. He hasn’t talked about his newly funded friendship with Y/N yet, it feels like as if he tells it to anyone it might evaporate into just a dream.

“So you reached out, huh?”

“I did,” he nods returning to his food once his message is sent. “She’s great.”

“Does she know who she is talking to?” Harry’s lack of answer tells enough about the truth to Mitch. “You can’t hide forever, especially if you are planning on meeting her.”

“I know,” he answers shortly. “But I just don’t know how I could even bring it up to her without sounding like a mad man.”

“She’ll need proof.”

“M’not ready to show m’self to her. What if it changes everything?”

“Then it wasn’t worth it,” he simply tells him.

Deep down Harry knows it’s the truth, but he is not ready to be robbed from the joy she is bringing him. He has never felt such a deep connection to anyone before and they haven’t even met. It’s just a version of her he is seeing on the screen, not her real self. But it feels real to him and he wants to keep this reality to himself for just a little longer.

 “I wish I could hear your voice, Harry. You are one big mystery to me, you know that?”

He forgets to breathe for a moment as he reads her message, lying in bed one evening, getting ready to sleep, but he wanted to check in with her before ending the day.

“You know so much about me already,” he types back.

“Not enough, I feel like. Sometimes I’m afraid Nev and Max are about to show up at my door and tell me that I’ve been catfished.”

He chuckles at her words, though he completely understands her fear.

“What do you want from me then?”

“Send me a voice message so I know you are real. That would put my suspicion to sleep. For a while…”

Harry hesitates for a long time until he decides just one voice message couldn’t hurt. Just a short one where his voice is not that recognizable so his cover won’t be over immediately.

“Good night, Y/N,” he tells into his phone and then send the recording to her.

He watches the status change from delivered to read and a couple of minutes go by before she finally responds.

“Thank you. Now I know that you are real. I hope I’ll hear your voice in real life one day.”

“I hope that too.”

 His time spent undercover is coming to an end and he knows it’ll happen soon. It’s been weeks since they started chatting, almost an entire month and she’s been hinting her will to see his face and though he has been putting it off, he knows it has to happen.

Fate is playing under his hands, because he is traveling to Seattle for a few days, exactly when Y/N is traveling there to visit her parents.

“I hope you know you can’t leave without meeting finally,” she wrote when she found out they are going to be in the same city.

“It never even crossed my mind!” he wrote back chuckling to himself, however it brought him extreme anxiety that he is now going to be forced to come clean about who he really is.

He spends his whole flight to Seattle making up possible outcomes for their first official meeting. Not all of them end well and it’s just fueling his fear that he might lose her for not telling her the entire truth.

But she is a smart girl, she’ll see your reasoning, he tells himself, however he can’t entirely convince himself that it will be the case.

In hopes of squeezing in more than just one meeting into the weekend they agreed to meet almost first thing after he lands. So after checking into his hotel he heads into the city to finally meet her in real life in a local café she suggested for the occasion. Arriving to the place he is running a little late and she already texted him she’ll be waiting for him inside. Harry is wearing a beanie with shades to try to keep up his cover and it seems to be working, no one has approached him yet.

Stepping inside the cozy looking place his eyes roam around and immediately finds her sitting in the corner, pouring sugar into her coffee, not even paying attention to the door at the moment, but truth is she’s been intensely staring at it in the past ten minutes she has been there.

Harry takes a deep breath and nods to himself before heading in her way, hands shaking nervously as he stops at her table.

She glances up at him with innocent eyes, a smile spreads across her face as she sees that her mysterious Harry has arrived and she doesn’t recognize her until he finally takes his sunglasses off.

Harry watches her face turn from happiness to surprise then utter shock as she realizes who is standing in front of him.

“You are… my Harry?” she asks, confusion laced through her voice and Harry can’t ignore how she called him her Harry. He likes the ring of it.

“M’orry if it’s a little too much f’you, I really didn’t know how to tell ya.”

Keeping his eyes on her he pulls out the other chair at the table and takes a seat across her while she is still staring at him with a shocked and puzzled expression sitting on her face. Then she looks around in suspicion as he wiggles his coat off his arms, before her eyes settle on him once again.

“It’s not an episode of Catfish, right?” she asks making him chuckle.

“It is not, don’t worry.”

“I’m sorry if I’m being weird, but this was literally the last thing I was expecting,” she admits leaning back in her seat. “I believed things like this only happen in movies.”

“Not just there,” he smiles, slowly relieving that she is still sitting there and hasn’t ran out. It’s going way better than he expected.

She needs a little time to put the whole picture together and befriend the thought that she indeed just developed a friendship with Harry Styles through her videos for her brother. The absurdity is still shocking to her, but the more time passes by with him still sitting there, the more she finds peace with it.

Once the shock and surprise is gone they slowly realize they are seeing each other in real life finally. Harry feels overwhelmed, she is even more breathtaking than in her videos and through texts. He is mesmerized by her whole being and could listen to her talk in person forever, he wouldn’t get bored of her.

Time stops existing as they sit at the little café, talking for hours even though that’s all they’ve been doing through texts, but they just can’t get enough of hearing each other, seeing each other’s reaction and be able to see each other and not stare at a screen while talking.

Unfortunately, time never stopped just for the two of them and soon she realizes she needs to head back home. Harry doesn’t want to let go of her just yet so he offers to give her a ride, thanking himself for getting a rental for himself upon arriving. Y/N accepts the offer so the two of them head back to her parents’ home, soaking up the last minutes of their precious time spent together.

“Thank you for today, I really loved meeting you finally,” she smiles at him once they are parked on the driveway.

“I hope I didn’t shock you too much,” he chuckles scratching his chin.

“Just a little,” she admits before they both get out of the car and walking around it she stops in front of him, after a moment of hesitation she opts for a hug that he returns more than happily.

It feels as if her frame was perfectly sculpted to fit in his embrace and Harry can’t imagine how he could go this long without even seeing her in person. He knows it’s gonna be utter misery to be away from her after they leave the city.

“Will I see you before you take off?” she asks letting go of him. Harry looks down at her, the urge to kiss her growing bigger with each passing moment, but he is not sure if it would be appropriate to give it a try on their first time meeting.

“I’m free tomorrow for a lunch,” he tells her and she nods smiling.

“Then I’m free too,” she chuckles.

There’s an awkward moment where they are not sure what else should be done or said and the more they wait the weirder it’s getting so Harry clears his throat as he takes a step back, sad that he has to leave without feeling her lips on his, but he is not trying to be too greedy.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he smiles walking back to his car. Y/N waves after him and sitting back to behind the wheel he takes a moment to himself to collect himself after everything that has happened today. His hands curl around the wheel and he is about to start the car when someone knocks on the window. Y/N is smiling at him through the glass and he rolls it down curiously.

“I just…” she starts hesitantly, her eyes wander down to his lips and Harry knows what’s about to happen, but it still catches him by surprise.

Y/N leans in through the window and presses her lips to Harry’s, capturing them in a sweet, long awaited first kiss they both have been dreaming of for quite a while. Harry smiles into the kiss, bringing his right hand up to cup her cheeks as they stretch the moment for as long as possible. Whenever one pulls back the other brings them back for just one more kiss that turns into two more, then three… It takes a long time for them to finally let go of each other.

“See you later, H,” she smiles backing out of the car and running up to the front door, smiling wildly as she waves in his way one last time before disappearing in the house.

 Lying in bed that evening Harry is scrolling through his Instagram feed when he finally realizes he can now follow her without a worry. He is quick to find her profile again and hit that follow button. He is happy to see she was already following him.

He is just about to put his phone aside and go to bed after such a busy but exciting day when a notification pops up on the screen.

Y/N has just uploaded a new video!

He taps on it quickly and her smiling face greets him from his phone’s screen.

“Hi Sammy! It’s me again. Welcome back to our channel,” she starts with a shy smile. The setting is new this time, he supposes it’s her parents’ home this time. “This is going to be a short video, but I wanted to tell you about something. Or someone.”

Harry’s heart skips a beat when he thinks about where it’s heading. He listens to her voice holding his breath.

“I met someone today. We’ve been talking for a while, but I could finally hug him today. His name is Harry, and he is a wonderful man. I think you two would get along well,” she says with a soft chuckle. “I love spending time with him and I hope he feels the same way. Actually…” Her eyes move up straight to the camera, something she doesn’t do often. She usually stares out the window or plays with Henry while talking. “I think he is watching it right now. Hi Harry!”

“Hello, Beautiful,” he greets her back with a smile as if she could hear him.

“I wanted to tell you how amazing you are making me feel. I hope I didn’t disappoint. I was so nervous to meet you today, I hope I lived up to what you imagined me to be.”

“You were so much better than that,” he answers again.

“Anyway… I hope you feel the same way. You are the first guy I’m talking about in an update, so appreciate it!” she tells him and he chuckles lightly. “I’ll see you soon, H. But until then… Know that I’m thinking about you.”

“M’thinking about you too, Angel.”

“Sammy, I miss you as always. I hope everything is well, can’t wait for your next email. I love you,” she smiles before the video ends.

Harry heads straight to the comments. This time he doesn’t leave a lengthy one, just a short line, but it has everything he wanted to tell her.

“I feel the same way.” The comment reads. Just a few seconds later comes the notification and he smiles sweetly at his phone.

Y/N liked the comment.