#I think my most unpopular opinion is that the whole ‘you should die’ and ‘violence upon ye’ stuff made things worse

[afarthestarsarewaiting]

One day I will stop looking up triggering things on the internet I promise

[thedickgraysons]

acotar tag game!

thank you for the tags @mathiwrites and @fourteentrout ! this was really fun to do, i'm always looking for an excuse to yap about my opinions

Who's your favourite ACOTAR character?

It’s definitely a tie between Lucien and Nesta! I’ve been a ride or die for Lucien since the first book, because I love me a charismatic red head, but I tend to be more vocal about my love for Nes.

Who's your least favourite character?

Oof, it would have to be Amren. I just don’t think she really adds anything to the story beyond existing to be snarky and drop lore when SJM writes herself into a corner. Definitely a character that would have had more impact if she would have stayed dead.

Say something nice about your least favourite character.

Her concept is very interesting! A creature that is not a faerie who was forced to inhabit the body of one. Who had greater abilities than anyone could dream, her only connection to the creature she was, only to lose them all at the cost of her living. Psychologically that is so cool, I would love to read more about what it meant for her mental state in the aftermath.

Who's your favourite High Lord? (If you picked one for your fav character, then who's your second fav!)

Tarquin! When he was introduced, he just instantly stole the show for me. I loved how gentle he was with Feyre, his kindness and confidence in his goals to unite lesser and high fae, and how passionate he got when confronting the Night Court.

Favourite MINOR character?

Remember the mortal that Feyre, Elain, Azriel, and Tamlin saved? Briar? Yeah, her. I’m obsessed with her story. A woman who was essentially groomed into praising the fae, learning first hand how awful they could be, and then going off to live with them in her lowest? I need more of her. I want to see how she develops. I hope she’s got a story in the future, because some main players don’t even have a name but she does! I also fuck with Jurian but I don't think he's really a minor character.

Favourite ship? (Crackships included!)

Oh there’s just so many, I can’t keep up. I think my top three, however, would be Azris, Neris, and a secret third crackship that I cooked up, Eris x Azriel x Gwyn. I call them Azrisyn in my head. I’m working on a fic. It’s a whole thing. I think I just really like shipping people with Eris.

Favourite court and why?

Spring! I love the aesthetic and how deeply magical everything was. It truly was like entering a new realm, with a new creature and magical adventure at every turn. I'm also a Winter and Autumn enjoyer.

Make up a brand new court RIGHT NOW, NO PREP JUST VIBES.

OH UHMM The Under Court. Just under the surface of Prythian, in a sprawling maze of tunnels and caverns, is a city carved of glowing stone and glistening gems. Because of the sheer size, this Court is divided into four sections, with each of these sections being overseen by a Stewart, who report directly to a (gasp) High Lady. They're called the High Council. Now I want to write this.

What relationship would you have wanted to see more of in the books?

Emerie and Azriel. Azriel has such an intense loathing for his people that it greatly effects his own view of himself. I want his arc to include him learning more about his culture, and overcoming that internalized bigotry. I want him to look into the face of someone who has been just as brutalized by the Illyrians as he has and realize that they are a people who need help out of the cycle of violence.

What's your unpopular opinion?

All of them, but my most unpopular one is probably that Cassian's wings should have stayed shredded. It made no sense for them to heal, and it would have added more to the story and his character (ie having a bridge to Nesta) to have him stay disabled.

What's your favourite headcanon/fan canon?

I love thinking about the faeries being more magical! I have a whole thread of eldritch horror-style High Lords and I think about it often. A less intense headcanon I have is that Eris has a gap in his front teeth and Gwyn has glowing freckles because I think its cute.

If you were swept away to Prythian, what's ONE thing you would want to do?

I’m shooting my shot with Lucien, so write that down. I also want to do the Winter Solstice in the Winter Court, because I feel like that would be so much fun. And then I’m moving to Dawn because I do not think I am surviving literally anywhere else. If the climates didn't kill me, the politics would.

If you could have ONE faerie ability seen in the books, which would it be?

If Helion's spell casting and cleaving don't count as one ability, then probably shapeshifting.

again, i love doing tag games so thank you for letting me! i cannot for the life of me think of who else to tag so uhm @ennawrite @wingsdippedingold @christeak and anyone else who wants to tap in?

[sweetsassymusic]

The Long Kaz Rant I Told Myself I Wouldn’t Write, But Here We Are

This is probably an unpopular opinion. And I hope it doesn't come across as confrontational or anything because I don't mean it that way. But I've always been super confused by the way Kaz is accepted, basically across the entire fandom, as either morally gray or straight up villainous? He doesn’t really seem like either of those things to me. On a surface level, obviously there are things he’s done that are normally considered evil. He’s stolen, he’s killed, he threatened a child, he gouged out someone’s eye. And that’s all pretty bad, right? But it completely ignores the context given in the books. (More after the cut because this got too long...)

There’s a difference between doing something evil and doing something that’s shocking, “dark,” or difficult to watch.

Before I read the books, I heard fans discuss all the horrible things Kaz does. And the way people talk about him, I was expecting him to be… Feral Kaz – someone who delights in doing horrible things because he’s just so twisted and angry. The author herself even referred to him on her blog as being utterly despicable. Wow! This guy must really go out of his way to hurt innocent people, huh? So when I sat down to actually read it, I was so surprised. Most (if not all?) the killings were done on some level of self-defense. His “murder victims” were actual evil people trying to kill him or someone he loved. And the reason he threatened a child was because the only alternative was killing her – something he would never want to do. You know, because he’s not evil.

I don’t know if I just have very different definitions of these terms than most people? But to me, the idea of Kaz being “utterly despicable” should not even be on the table to begin with (Leigh Bardugo, you good?) and even the idea of him being “morally gray” is questionable.

When I think of a morally good character, I don’t think of someone who never does anything questionable or always perfectly makes the correct choices. I think of someone who is on a mission–either to protect the world, a loved one, or simply pursuing a personal goal–who at least tries to conduct his mission in a way that either does no harm to others, or (when that’s not possible) does as little harm as necessary to get the job done. 

Whereas, when I think of a villainous character, I think of someone who has no regard for others at all. Someone who either relishes in harming the innocent, or pays zero consideration to whether he harms innocents while pursuing his goals (which are usually, in themselves, harmful to innocent people). 

And finally, when I think of a morally gray character, I think of someone directly between these two. Someone who is a little bit evil, a little bit sadistic, but not entirely evil. He’s got a few good points too. Maybe he’s someone who keeps switching sides, unsure if he wants to be a hero or villain. Maybe he has hurt a lot of innocent people unnecessarily, but he joins in with the good guys for personal gain, and people don’t mind him there simply because he doesn’t interfere with the protagonist’s goals. Or maybe he’s the “Bad Cop” to someone else’s Good Cop: someone who uses more violence than is necessary, just for fun, but still helps the good side in some capacity, so everyone chooses to look past it.

Under these definitions, Kaz (to me) seems more like a good character. While pursuing his personal goals, he protects people he loves, and yes, he does do “dark” things. But he doesn’t relish in doing them (despite his reputation in-universe of being a chaotic sadist. His reputation is not accurate; he invented it for his own protection). He does them because he has to. If he can get the job done right without hurting anyone, that’s the route he’ll take. But that option isn’t always available. And he’s not the type to lie down and die just to avoid getting his hands dirty (nor should he, imo). 

Again, maybe I just have a different idea of what constitutes being morally gray. But I always thought it was meant to be a judgment on the choices you make when you actually HAVE a choice? A morally gray character has the choice to be good or evil, and they choose to do both (which one depending on how they feel that day). 

Whereas, if you do something “bad” because circumstances force you to do it–because you or someone you love will die otherwise–that’s pretty much the same as having a gun to your head. You’re not morally gray. You’re doing it under duress. It’s survival, not a reflection of where you stand on moral topics. Like, if you trap a vegan in a room with only a piece of meat, and you leave them there for days, weeks, that person doesn’t suddenly become a “fake vegan” if they eat that meat to avoid literally starving to death. You forced them to do it. When it comes to their moral beliefs, they would still be a vegan if they had the freedom to make that choice. You just put them in a situation where those choices aren’t available to them. Your lack of freedom in a situation shouldn’t define you.

The same can be said for placing a starving, homeless orphan boy alone in the dog-eat-dog world of Ketterdam. The option of being a sweet little law-abiding citizen is not available to him. So is it really fair to define him by something in which he had no choice?

I’ve come across so many GrishaVerse fans who, while sipping on their Starbucks in the comfort of their own home, go “Ugh, Kaz. He’s so DARK, so EVIL!” (Fun fact: while my mom was watching the show, she said Kaz is evil because “he seems to always have a plan.” Oh no! Not PLANS!)  “He must be some kind of monster to be able to do the things he does and still live with himself! I could NEVER do those things!” Well…you’ve never actually had to do those things? Your life has never depended on it? Idk, to me, it’s just a very privileged take. And I’m not trying to make this into a big social issue. It’s not like criticism against a fictional character is anywhere near the same level of importance as the issues marginalized people are facing in real life. I’m just saying, it’s very easy to condemn activity you’ve never been forced to engage in for your own survival.

One of the biggest reasons people have given me for why they think Kaz is evil is that he is “for himself.” Even the author said she thinks Kaz is worse than the Darkling (who, I’ve gotten the impression, she believes to be irredeemable) because the Darkling has communal goals (he wants to bring positive change for other people/the world at large) while Kaz’s goals are just personal (he wants to bring positive change for himself and only himself). And for one? It just isn’t true: many (if not most) of the things Kaz does is either for his Crows or for his late brother; he just disguises it with supposed self-interest for the sake of his reputation. And second? It’s…not actually wrong to have personal goals or to act in self-interest. Bettering your own life is a valid desire. It’s not the same as being selfish. Not everything you do has to be for other people.

(And, tbh, this is something Leigh Bardugo seems to have a problem with in general, not just in this scenario. I could write a whole separate rant about other characters that were demonized in-narrative for engaging in “too much” self-care, and how her unforgivingly black and white morality ruined the Shadow and Bone trilogy for me. Worst of all, she even seemed to imply recently that the only reason real-life antisemitism is wrong is because “the Jews didn’t fight back”? [Like, if they had met her criteria of “fighting back”, would that make antisemitism somewhat justified to her? What? Idek, but she should really clarify.] Basically, she seems to take “non-selfishness” to an extreme. I don’t know her personally, I don’t want to make assumptions, I don’t have anything personal against her, and I’m not trying to get her cancelled or anything, I promise. But please, when you read her books, please don’t accept all her ideas at face value, because there’s some Weird Shit™ in there sometimes.)

Anyway, another reason people say Kaz is bad or morally gray is that he wants revenge. “Revenge is a bad coping mechanism! You should want JUSTICE! Not REVENGE!” And again, this argument is wild to me. I mean, yes, there are situations–especially in real life, modern, western contexts–where revenge is a bad coping mechanism someone has developed, and transforming their anger into a desire for justice is a way for them to overcome that and express their anger in a healthier way. But that’s a very specific scenario. When we’re talking generally, the line between revenge and justice is a lot thinner than people think (and in some scenarios, there is no line at all). 

For example, real life victims and their families often say they can’t wait to see the perpetrator rot in prison, even wishing (sometimes even fantasizing) that the guy gets abused in prison by fellow inmates. For them, justice and revenge are wrapped up together in one big court-issued sentence. And while some people find that disturbing or take issue with it, it’s…generally considered valid outrage? This guy is evil and hurt them, so it’s okay for these people to want him to suffer. And most importantly, these people called the cops instead of taking matters into their own hands, therefore they’re Good, right? They’re good citizens who obey and rely on the established authority, therefore they are handling their anger in an Acceptable™ way?

But in the world of Ketterdam, if someone has victimized you, or is trying to kill you or someone you love, you can’t just call the fucking cops (and let’s be honest, looking at irl cops, it’s a questionable idea here too sometimes). If we’re analyzing Kaz’s outrage and how he handles it, we have to analyze it in the context of where he lives, not where we live. We have options in our lives that Kaz doesn’t have. So we have to ask, what are the most productive steps he could realistically take in his world?

I see activists and bloggers on websites like this, publicly fantasizing about gouging the eyes out of certain politicians and right-wing figureheads. And they would probably do it for real if they could. On Tumblr and Twitter, this is generally considered righteous anger. The politicians are evil, so it’s okay to hurt them, right? That’s how the logic goes, anyway (I know some will disagree, but it’s a common take here). Well, imagine if, instead of just being a bigot, one of these evil people personally stabbed–possibly killed–your girlfriend. And there were no cops to call, no news stations or social media to turn to, to show people what this guy did. No authority or community on your side. No way to ensure this guy faced consequences for his actions. There’s just you, your dying girlfriend, your helplessness, your anger. What would be the appropriate way to handle this situation, so you were acting out of justice instead of revenge? What does “justice” even mean in a world like that? It’s a world where either you hurt others or you lie down and just let others keep hurting those you love (which, in itself, would be evil). I can’t think of any “appropriate” response Kaz could take. Which, for better or worse, is probably why he just went for the eye. You probably would too in that context. Are you morally gray? I doubt it.

It’s really weird to me how people seem to hold Kaz to this high standard of absolute Moral Purity, but they don’t hold other characters to it. Like, was the dad on Taken being “feral” or “morally gray” when he told his daughter’s kidnapper that “I will find you and I will kill you” and then pursued him with fury? His motivations were personal and not communal. He was coming from a place of revenge, just as much as justice. But most people consider him a hero. He’s not controversial or “dark.” There are plenty of other heroes who do terrible things (sometimes to innocent people! Even when it’s not even necessary!) for the “greater good” or just because it’s convenient. People call them a “badass” and then turn around and say Kaz is just “bad.” Idk, it just seems really arbitrary the way people draw these lines.

If we’re expanding the definition of “morally gray” to include anyone who’s ever done anything questionable, made a mistake, been forced to do something they wouldn’t normally do, done something for personal reasons instead of for the world at large, or wanted revenge for something, then there literally are no heroes in fiction (except maybe a few cardboard cutouts) or in real life.

(Ironically, the most morally gray thing Kaz does, imo, is something most people don’t even have a problem with: the fact he runs a gambling house to “take money from pigeons.” And even that is really mild [no one is forcing the “pigeons” to gamble their money away]. But yeah, that’s one of the few instances I could think of where he actually hurt innocent people unnecessarily. That and the time, as a kid, where he stole candy from that other kid...and even that might be mostly-but-not-entirely excused by the fact he was starving to death. But yeah.)

[ariainstars]

Feminism (and Not) in Star Wars

Warning: unpopular opinions ahead.

 During the last few years, I have often heard and read people arguing that the Star Wars sequels are “feminist”, that Rey in particular is a Mary Sue and, at worst, that “feminism ruined Star Wars.” So, I would like to add my two cents. 

It cannot to be denied that the end of the sequels, and with it of the saga as a whole, is highly dissatisfying. But feminism is not what caused it.

The sequels are not feminist at all. Especially not in Star Wars, where the greatest hero Luke Skywalker had ended the conflict through compassion and forgiveness. TRoS in particular is a slap in the face of female dignity and virtue, both for the male protagonist’s mother and for his love interest. 

Unfortunately, and that is one of my major issues with the sequels, many things are not being said or explained. This might be due to the fact that Episode VIII was subversive and that so many classic fans ranted and stormed against it; but that didn’t prevent Episode IX from showing, if not saying, a lot of things. 

Star Wars is all about subtext, that’s what makes it compelling. Please:

Read between the lines.

Look at what is not being said but shown.

Compare the attitudes of different people in similar situations.

  Rey

„You cannot deny the truth that is your family.” Lor San Tekka in The Force Awakens

  Rey was introduced as a positive female character but then, over the course of three films, her moral corruption was displayed under the lame excuse of a black and white morality (“I am all the Sith” vs. “I am all the Jedi”).

Rey seemed like a reboot of Luke Skywalker at first, but watching her throughout TRoS we see her fail in all instances where Luke had proved himself a hero.

  - Luke had forgiven his father despite all the pain he had inflicted on him and his friends. Rey stabbed the „bad guy”, who had repeatedly protected and comforted her, to death.

- Luke never asked Vader to help the Rebellion or to turn to the Light Side, he only wanted him back as his father. Rey assumed that she could make Ben Solo turn, give up the First Order and join the Resistance for her. She was thinking of her friends and her own validation, not of him.

- Luke had made peace by choosing peace. Rey fought until the bitter end.

- Luke had thrown his weapon away before Palpatine. Rey picked up a second weapon. (And both of them weren’t her own.)

- Luke had mourned his dead father. Rey didn’t shed a tear for the man she is bonded to by the Force.

- Luke went back to his friends to celebrate the new peace with them. Rey went back letting everyone celebrate her like the one who saved the galaxy on her own - the woman who was tempted to become the new evil ruler of the galaxy and had to rely on the alleged Bad Guy to save both her soul and her body.

- Luke had embodied compassion when Palpatine was all about hatred. Where he chose love and faith in his father, Rey chose violence and fear.

- Luke had briefly fallen prey to the Dark Side but it made him realize that he had no right to judge his father. Rey’s fall to the Dark Side did not make her wiser.

- Confronted by Vader’s disclosure of his true identity Luke was forced to face himself, to realize that he had been judgmental, arrogant and biased; and after the initial shock he accepted his origins as a part of himself. - Rey did not reconcile with Palpatine as a part of herself. (When she says to him “I don’t hate you” it’s not a sign of superior attitude. It merely shows that she sees him as separate from herself.)

- After realizing what he had done to his nephew, feeling responsible and disillusioned, Luke went into exile for years waiting for his death. - Rey also was appalled at herself, but she spent just a few minutes on Ahch-To until Luke appeared to her, this time telling her exactly what she would have wanted him to say to her on her first visit on the island. This scene was so ridiculously opposite to his attitude in TLJ that I believe he was a fantasy conjectured by her like Ben’s vision of his father.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Rey failed where Ben had been strong.

- Ben killed Snoke to save Rey. Rey killed Palpatine to complete her Jedihood. (Or at least, what she believes being a Jedi means, i.e. “being always right and winning at all costs”.)

- Ben loved Rey despite all she did to him and took away from him, and she didn’t even honour his name in the end.

- Ben knew the stories of Luke, Vader and Palpatine well enough to wanted to end the Jedi and Sith at last and start something new and better. Rey only knew scraps of old tales and wanted to have them her own way.

- Ben had been under an evil influence in his mind since before he was born; when he finally turned to the Dark because he had nowhere else to go, he was 23. Rey gave in to her Dark Side minutes after meeting her “mother” in the Death Star ruin; the same happened to her again with Palpatine on Exegol.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  On the ruin of the second Death Star, Rey is at her lowest on the same spot where Luke had won over himself thirty years before in RoTJ.

- Vader had provoked Luke to make him turn - Kylo hadn’t.

- Vader hat traumatized Luke - Kylo had protected and spared Rey repeatedly.

- Vader hardly had had a kind word to spare for his son (except perhaps when he said to him “It is too late for me, son”) - Kylo had comforted her and shown her his human side.

- Vader had lured Luke into a trap twice in order to keep him by his side. - Kylo hadn’t, on the contrary, he wanted to prevent her from running into Palpatine’s trap.

- Luke did not know what had made Vader the way he was when he came to find him, but he was adamant to save him. - Rey knew by the time of their duel that Kylo was largely also a victim, and she stabbed him to death.

- Luke always fought fair. - Rey used the distraction made by Leia’s reaching out to him to impale him - the way she had seen him impaling Han.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  It is ridiculous to say that it’s a victory of Good over Evil when a young woman uses Jedi training to kill her master’s own son, who was on the defensive, with his mother’s help and blessing. That their weird connection, which was already introduced during the first two films, is explained by way of their being a dyad (one soul in two bodies) only makes it worse. Rey will rather kill the man she belongs to, or die herself, than admit that she needs him. If that is supposed to be “feminism”, it’s a very distorted idea of female independence and strength. Just like it’s not automatically “feminism” to make a girl pose as the heroine because she wants to be a Jedi no questions asked.

Fans discussed and argued about Rey’s family for years; it was a great move in TLJ when she admitted her parents were “nobodies” and that they left her on purpose. It was refreshing to see her carve her life and personality on her own. TRoS shattered this by making her the descendant of the most powerful man in the galaxy; and what’s worse, she wound up being a usurper just the way he was, taking over the Skywalker mantle.

  The sequels are feminist only when the audience believes that it’s a happy ending if a female ends up alone with no one standing in her way. They are told from her point of view, so as viewers we will automatically believe that she’s the heroine and root for her (or not, but still believe that it’s her story). Looking only at the bare facts, Rey is much less heroic than she first seems.

  At the end of TRoS Rey is alone with two dead people behind her, on a desert planet in company of a droid and with an old, wrinkled woman as her only interlocuter, the way she began, and her mind still has hardly developed beyond that of a child. She is willing to embrace the legacy of both Skywalker family and Jedi although the fate of Ben Solo should have taught her how fu***-up both of them were.

  Rey doesn’t want to see. She’s in denial like when she pretended that her family was coming back for her on Jakku. Inside, she is still a child - everything she did was motivated by her desire to find the belonging she ardently craved. She can’t be blamed for that. But does that make her a “strong woman”, or even a “Mary Sue”, like many annoyed viewers claim? No.

  Leia 

“If you will not turn to the Dark Side, then perhaps she will.” Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi

There is something I find much worse than Ben’s patricide or Luke’s panic attack at the Jedi temple. Those were actions spurred by the moment and provoked by Snoke, and both men regretted it immediately. Leia’s behaviour shows an unpardonable attitude for entire decades. Being a trained Jedi herself, she could have taught her son - instead she sent him to his uncle. This seems a practical choice since she was politically active while her brother wanted to start a new Jedi Order, but from the novels we learn that Ben heard his parents arguing and talking about him like he was a monster ever since he was a child, and that when he was sent away this seemed to confirm to him that something was wrong with him and had to be fixed. (From the novels we also learn that he actually had no ambition to become a Jedi and wanted to be a pilot - true Skywalker and also Solo that he is -, but he had no say in the matter.)

 After the tragedy at Luke’s temple and the rise of the First Order, Leia fought with the Resistance for years knowing that her own son was on the other side. What if she had met him and been forced to kill him (or if he had come into the situation, as we see in TLJ)? In TFA, she sent his own father to bomb Starkiller Base knowing well that their son might be on board. Leia had felt Snoke’s influence on Ben’s mind when he was still in her womb; so, she knew he had been manipulated for decades, but when she heard of his fall to the Dark Side, she automatically assumed he had made the choice to be “evil”. Only after he had been a part of a criminal organization for years Leia sent her estranged husband to him. She only reached out to him when she was on her deathbed, and I still am not certain whether she wanted to help him, or to make him stop fighting against the girl she had adopted in his stead. 

Would Padmé have left her own son in the dumps? Never. Padmé refuted Obi-Wan’s disclosure about Anakin’s fall to the Dark Side adamantly, and went to a volcanic planet alone, with a highly advanced pregnancy, to see a terrorist and murderer because she still saw the good little boy he had been in him. And she would have gotten him out of that hell had Obi-Wan not interfered. If you don’t believe me, watch the scene again: Slowly but surely, Anakin’s expression changes totally on speaking with his wife. Padmé was literally reaching out to him, and she was succeeding. Love, as always, was stronger than anything else in him. And Padmé believed in her husband until her very last breath. “Obi-Wan, there is still good in him.”

Din Djarin, the Mandalorian of the eponymous tv show, is an outcast who earns his living with dubious business and has killed his fair share of people. But had anyone attempted to do to his little protégé what Snoke did to Ben Solo, I don’t doubt he would have marched on the Supremacy and strangled him with his bare hands. (At least, he would have died trying.) Han would probably have done the same, but Leia deliberately never told him of Snoke’s influence on her son’s mind ever since before his birth. By the time she finally does, as we witness in TFA, their son has been Kylo Ren for six years. 

Leia, the princess, the general, the war heroine, had feared her son before he was even born because she sensed that he was like her own father. But she had no qualms and no fear accepting and instructing the granddaughter of her worst enemy. Why? 

Because Rey doesn’t waver. She has no doubts. She is not conflicted between both Sides of the Force. In Leia’s eyes, Rey is pure Light Side, so she embraces her wholeheartedly as the child she always wanted. As far as I can remember, Leia has never, the way her brother did, offered love to anyone who didn’t fight on her side. And Rey, who had angrily confronted Luke for his moment of terror which “created Kylo Ren”, did not consider for a moment Leia’s responsibility towards her son. Despite training with Leia for a whole year, she never tells her about Luke’s failure which pushed her son into Snoke’s clutches. Nor does she realize that Leia’s love for her is not unconditional but that it is parallel to her Jedi training. Rey literally becomes both a little girl and a Jedi with Leia, down to wearing pure white for the whole of the last instalment of the trilogy. 

Most fans admire Leia for her rebellious, spirited nature. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s not necessarily such a good thing if one spends one’s whole life fighting instead of learning how to preserve peace. Leia is adamant that the side she’s on must win. Like every Jedi before her, she does not know, want or even consider that what the Force actually needs is Balance; and that both her father and her son were not evil because they were strong on both Sides, but that this meant they might have found balance, had they not met opposition to this in everyone they knew. 

Leia never approached her relationship to her father (at least as far as I know), never tried to understand him better and forgive him the way her brother had. Considering what Vader had done to her and her friends, she can’t be blamed for pushing away her memories and living in terror of the Dark Side. However, on the long run her incapacity or refusal for introspection is not a strength but a weakness. The one who paid the price is her son, and with his fall to the Dark, the whole galaxy again became prey to the terror that she herself had always fought against in first line. 

Vader had been right after all: Leia did fall prey to the Dark Side, though unknowingly. Not only did she give up on her son, she actively helped evil come back to the galaxy by believing to do the right thing: she trained Palpatine’s granddaughter, taught her to deny her own fears and weaknesses, gave her justification for her actions, helped her killing her own “evil” son. If that is not the Dark Side’s influence, I don’t know what it is. Leia denied her son’s potential for good and given up on him long before his fate was sealed, and in the same way she closed her eyes on Rey’s potential for evil. The same “bad” son had to prevent the girl she had taken under her wing from becoming what the old devil Palpatine had in mind, at the cost of his life. 

 Conclusion

 I am not an advocate for feminism on principle. If females can be independent and self-assured, if they shed the cloak of “damsel in distress”, on the downside this also means that they can be or become villains just like men. Many people tend to believe that a woman is naturally better, kinder, softer than a man. The Star Wars saga never bowed to this cliché.

 The idea that a woman does not necessarily need a man is positive on its own, but it becomes poisonous if it undermines female trust in men. Star Wars has a long story of lonely, unhappy men (all three generations of Skywalkers), who were denied their natural right to be needed by their women and to keep their families together. One of Anakin’s dilemmas was that he saw Padmé as being too good for him and wanted to prove to her that he was equal to her in his own way. Ben, ironically, felt that he was not good enough for Rey because he was tainted by his larger-than-life heritage, so he wanted to “let the past die” and start something new and fresh with her.

 A man naturally wishes to protect others, in particular wife and children. But in all three generations, we find these men whose personalities are split in two and cannot reconcile the two halves of their self: Anakin / Vader, Luke / Leia, Ben / Kylo. Due to the similarity in his two names, I expected the last of the Skywalker blood to finally heal the wound in his personality and become one. Had anyone wanted and needed both, Ben and Kylo, he might have. But Kylo was an aberration to everyone including Rey. Kylo was a villainous figure and as a male, he was aggressive and arrogant; but at least he made his own decisions and had chosen his own name, things Ben Solo never got to do.

 This is not to say that the sequels are against strong females or prefer the guys over them: no, the guys f** up at least as often as the women do. But to pretend that Leia’s and / or Rey’s portrayal is unrealistically positive and that “feminism ruined Star Wars” is either extremely short-sighted or a mockery of femaleness.

 It is true that women have more and larger roles in the ST, but I can’t see anything wrong with that. Not any more than with the fact that in the OT there was practically only Leia (the few other female characters almost had no impact on the story), and that there were few females in the PT, too. The Jedi Order consisted almost only of men, and you hardly hear anyone complain.

 I know that many fans dislike Anakin and Ben, but please let us consider why.

 One reason is that in an action movie we usually value coolness in a male protagonist above everything, and that the Skywalkers are hot-headed by nature. Most fans prefer Darth Vader, Han Solo and the likes to the Skywalker men.

 Another reason is that the filmmakers have deliberately manipulated our emotions. The prequels are told from everybody’s point of view but Anakin’s, and the same goes for the sequels with Ben, despite the fact that the trilogies are about them, not about “the Jedi superheroes saviours of the galaxy” or “the almighty and untainted Skywalker family”. So, as viewers we automatically identify emotionally with anyone but them. We never get to really know the “villain’s” point of view, we only see how other people react to them; and since these reactions are much more often negative than positive, we get to the conclusion that both of them are inescapably evil, that they chose to be so, and that they deserve their terrible fate.

 My suggestion: rewatch both trilogies again and this time try to look through Anakin’s or Ben’s eyes. (And possibly also read the novels and the Kylo Ren comics.)

  You could be surprised.

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

Whoop whoop, everybody ready for an Unpopular Take on the Spn finale?

There was a very simple fix for me – and this is just for me, I realize lots of people have a zero-tolerance policy for dead!Dean endings – that would've made Dean's death totally thematically appropriate and actually rather beautiful.  It's so goddamn simple that it continues to bug me that they did the opposite instead, I literally cannot understand what they were thinking.  It's not the death scene that needs to change substantially (although the pacing of it is a little nope in my opinion) and it's not the Heaven scenes (although the roadhouse would've been a big improvement).  It's that damn pie scene at the county fair or whatever.  That needed to be the opposite of what it actually was.

So what they did was have Sam broach the subject of Castiel's death, and what Dean says is essentially, that is sad, but what's really, really important is that we keep living, that's what he died for, that's the thing that matters most. And – then he dies almost immediately afterwards, which is bonkers?  That's just a truly batshit writing choice, because it plays like a weird, dark joke.  Womp womp!  No, y'all.  That's – no, you made it so much worse than it had to be, for no reason!

The fix is – I mean, I don't want to say obvious, but it feels really obvious to me?  Sam broaches the subject of Castiel's death, so then make Dean say, that is sad, but you know Sammy, everyone's number comes up sooner or later – we've even seen Death die – twice!  You never get out of this place alive, but did you do anything while you were here?  That's what matters most, and Cass did, he made a difference for all of us. Yeah, I guess, Sam says uncertainly.  Then when you cut to Dean's death, it fits to have Dean say, hey, my time's up now, but it's okay; I'm proud of what I did while I was here, I made a difference.

It's not only a rational, healthy way to process death in general for someone who's led a warrior's life, accepting the inevitability of death without giving a creepy Death Is the Only Freedom vibe – it perfectly suits the thematic climax of 15X18 specifically, and also Dean's entire arc.  All this time, he's worried that his relationship with death and violence is a flaw, that he's a broken person because of this bloody life that he's led, and the natural conclusion of that arc isn't really “it's okay, you still have time to open a bar” – I mean, it's not, right?  That just reinforces that Dean was right and he has been fundamentally broken, but maybe he can stop being now.  It's a choice, but to me the more affirming conclusion to the arc is to have him internalize what Castiel said to him: that the point of him isn't the way that he spent his life in proximity to death, because the point of him is that he consistently put himself on the line because he cared a lot about other people.  That the point of his life was the love and the bravery and the people who are alive because of him.

Like, brass tacks – this is not a show that was ever going to be capable of a really profound statement on death and violence, because the show has always been about violence as heroism.  The whole thing is constructed around that, and you can't just – not make it about that in the six bazillionth episode.  Hunters are heroes, according to the show.  When monsters intrude on the ordinary world, most people run and hide, but a few show bravery and fight back.  Should it have been built on that foundation, on the consistent lionization of Saving People by Hunting Things?  I don't know, but it was.  That's the show you have on your hands, that's the show you're trying to bring into harbor.

And given the constraints of the show, it's reasonable to me to present Dean as a person who's chosen this path of the warrior and follows it all the way to the inevitable end. But why would you juxtapose it directly with this statement about Dean's priority being to live a rich, full life?  Why?  Just make him go full Viking and say that his priority is going to his grave knowing that, just like Castiel, he was brave and honorable to the end, leaving behind a legacy of people remembering him with gratitude and love.  It's a perfectly fine ending, cementing his character as being exactly what Castiel correctly perceived him as being – fundamentally decent, brave, and admirable and deeply human.

Just – don't write the line “if we don't keep living then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing.”  Just do not do that!  Y'all made it weird when you did that, and you could have, instead – not!  You could have, instead, set up the thematic statement that death is inevitable, but our choices control what kind of life we've left behind, so that Dean and the audience can assess his life in those last moments and decide that yeah, it was one to be proud of.  How fucking hard is that?

Anyway, I know that One Simple Trick wouldn't fix it for everyone, but I think it would make Dean's life story into a defensibly more-or-less coherent statement on What It's All About, and personally I think it would've been pretty lovely.

[lloftvlly]

Shigaraki Tomura for this inbox meme 

[ status open —  answered ]

(i wasn't sent shiggy but i wanted to do shiggy so i’m doing shiggy. no one can stop me )

favorite thing about them

everythinG??? but i gotta be more specific than that. i adore his growth. he went from an angry manchild to a KING and it was such an interesting gradual change. i love that he isn’t being pretentious and just straight up says “i wanna destroy shit.” although we know, there were many circumstanced that led him to become who he is now, and thus, his anger towards the world is justified. he’s not trying to make himself seem like he has the superior-mindset over other’s,  he knows destroying everything doesn’t make him the better person, he is aware other’s see him as a “monster” and he owns that shit. i love that for him.

least favorite thing about them

errr…  i guess if i go really deep, it’s that he allows people to control him. afo and ujiko namely. because i was celebrating his liberation after the mla arc. his arc was basically to be liberated from his past but he remains controlled at the end of the day because, immediately after his victory he just went back doing what these two old farts want from him. (obvi that’s out of his control because he was manipulated most of his life)  i can’t wait for him to break free from these strings, i’m SO hopeful he will. 

favorite line

wow there are SO many (can you tell i am biased yet?)

“even if hero society comes crashing down, even if i rise to rule the underworld, that weight in my heart is never gonna go away. this is why i hate everything. every living, breathing thing just rubs me the wrong way. so why don’t i just destroy it all? why not destroy everything? i know you see it too, the beautiful horizon waiting for us. so lend me a hand, won’t you?, heaven and hell, i will show you all of it.”

and for lov love

“my allies should get everything they want in life”

brOTP

shiggy/toga, shiggy/spinner, shiggy/twice, shiggy/compress basically shiggy/lov

best dad and son (this one’s a bonus)

shiggy and dadgiri

OTP

dabishi aka shigadabi  ♡

nOTP

shiggy and afo ( i honestly don’t think i dislike any ship more. i usually say every ship is valid and each their own, but if i see this ship, i can’t even pretend to be okay with it. sorry. )

favorite crack ship:

DUST BUNNY! (shiggy and miruko)

random headcanon

since a young age he always had nightmares, mostly his past haunting him and visting his dreams. so at some point, he started to keep a dream journal and read up on lucid dreaming to get rid of them. he actually managed to learn and take control of his dreams to some extent. he loves it, it makes him feel like the protagonist of his own video game. he often tells kurogiri about his dreams as if he’s talking about a sick movie he watched. will create rotten tomato shiggy ratings for his dreams too. once kurogiri is gone, the remaining members of the league have to listen to his dream stories, but it just ain’t the same.

and another one cos i am on a roll

him showing his face to the league is him showing his most vulnerable side. he knows his face is “fucked up” by societies standards.  he knows to an extent it’s this face that caused people to keep walking when he was little instead of helping him. (notibly that old lady who was ready to help until she saw his face and got scared by it) so for him, showing the league that same face that had people turn away with horror, it is, in a way to get this confirmation that his allies won’t turn away, even when he shows them his true self. 

unpopular opinion

idk if i want a redemption arc for him. sometimes i think i would rather see him go down doing what he believes in, than his mind being changed. i’d never want him to betray the trust of the league for one. so if he was to make a 180 that would mean he would betray his allies who look up to him for his beliefs. he promised them a world easier to live in and i want him to stick to this plan until his last breath. ofc i don’t want him to die, but sometimes i think i’d rather see him die and stick to his guns than live and change as a person. tho i will eat my words when he really does die and i end up crying in bed for a week

song i associate with them

violence in the purest form by shinigami

i don’t got nothing but time i feel it burning inside the ghosts of my past, they berate me the feeling just cannot escape me hate me but you are forgiven this is the point that you’re missing blind faith in apparitions no way to lose inhibitions shadows in the dark, ripping out my beating heart wiping blood off of my face there isn’t much you can take from me crying on the phone, feeling numb down to the bone watch the world turn into ashes as I suffer alone again

favorite picture of them

can i link a whole imgur album? no? aw. well .. that’s a hard choice but imma pick a very recent one. 

the reason why i love this so much is simple, i just think he looks so free and ready to fuck shit up. and i love that for him.

[travllingbunny]

The 100 6x12 Adjustment Protocol

Unpopular opinion: I really liked this episode. Especially the first time I watched it (yes, I watch every episode the second time, usually a day later): it is the kind intense, plot-driven, high-tension episode that keeps you on the edge of your seat, exactly as you would expect from the penultimate episode of the season. My favorite episodes this season mostly focused on characters dealing with their demons and their feelings, but this is the part of the season when the plot has to kick into high gear, going into the finale. And this is not a bad thing at all, although it seems that reviewers mostly think it is, while the Twitter fandom is telling me that this episode was actually terrible, for… reasons. Most of which make no sense or are pretty irrelevant.

Although you wouldn’t know that if you just read what most frequent topics of discussion and comments about this episode are, it was the crucial episode plot-wise as the truth about the Primes was revealed to everyone in Sanctum, but thanks to Russell and co. constantly proving they are even more evil than we could have guessed, Sanctum was thrown into chaos, with violence erupting between believers (i.e. the brainwashed) and non-believers; and it also featured the death a main character who had been on the show and a part of since the start. I’m not sure about how I feel about that death and Abby’s arc as a whole. But in this episode, it was done very well – though it may have been predictable (and was kind of spoiled in the episode promo), and the strongest scene of the episode was Clarke learning about her mother’s death, not long after she had revealed to her that she was alive. (And with this, Clarke, Bellamy and Octavia are the only season 1 characters who were billed as mains and who are still alive - since Murphy and Raven were not billed as main characters in season 1).

Eliza Taylor really carried this episode, and a lot of the tension was about watching Clarke under over and worrying if she would be discovered. Not only is Eliza a great actress, playing Clarke, Josephine, Josephine pretending to be Clarke, and Clarke pretending to be Josephine - but Clarke herself turned out to be an amazing actress and plaed Josephine so well she managed to fool Russell – which her life and many others depended on - while, at the same time, going through emotional turmoil and having to hide it.

 I’m not sure about how I feel about Abby’s death in the context of her entire arc. It’s safe to say that it’s certainly not among the most satisfying character arcs on the show. She started off as an idealist fighting against the Ark establishment and one of the few people on the Ark in season 1 who were doing the right thing, but over the following seasons, her role got a bit lost between acting as the supporting character to Clarke (from giving Clarke moral support, to being controlled by ALIE to create drama for Clarke) and being a part of the Kabby relationship – which, to be fair, was one of the best developed (or very few really developed) romances on the show.  But between the two of them, Kane was the one who got the better character development and arc by himself. Abby was the Chancellor for a while, but then gave up that role in season 3, to be fought over by Kane and Pike. She also got other important relationship as a surrogate parent figure to Raven, and, to an extent, Murphy. But in terms of her arc, rather than her impact on others, she only finally got development in late season 4. Mind you, it was negative character development – which is a perfectly valid narrative choice, but one that fandoms usually don’t forgive characters. Because of the things she was forced to do, she lost not just her moral certainty but her faith in herself and, for a while, her will to live, and then her self-loathing turned into a drug addiction that she struggled throughout season 5. In season 6, she tried to recover, but instead developed a new addiction of sorts – her obsession with saving Kane, largely driven by her guilt over the things she did the previous 6 years and for kind of betraying the man she loves and indirectly causing his death, again (something that haunted her since Jake’s death) – which, in turn, led her to making some terrible choices and crossing moral lines. While I thought Kane’s death was perfectly fitting for his character, and that point, it would have been more interesting if the show had tried to have Abby survive and had to really recover and move on, rather than kill her off just a couple of episodes after killing off the ship she was a part of. One may even wonder if she was seen as useless for the show except as a part of the ship. Or, since her remaining main role in the show was as a mother to Clarke and surrogate mother to Raven, so she got killed off for their development/angst/possible bonding in future episodes. Which does make sense as Clarke is the show’s protagonist, and it was easy to guess that the older-Ark-generation characters (Abby, Kane, Jaha) would die once Clarke, Bellamy and Octavia are all adults and mature enough to not need mentors or ‘adult’ mirrors of themselves. Still, it would have been great if the show had given more attention and sympathetic moments to Abby herself in more than just this one episode, especially since the fandom has become determined to hate her – partially because it was convenient to blame her for other character’s actions, partially because fans are judgmental of any middle-aged mother character – especially if she is the mother of the protagonist – who isn’t focused on her children 100% of the time, even if said children are mature adults. But let’s forget about the fandom. It’s not necessary to have characters who suffer from addiction. PTSD or depression recover – Jasper’s arc was about someone who never recovered, but his death was the logical outcome of his arc and felt inevitable. Abby’s death isn’t really about her arc, it’s about Russell deciding to kill and bodysnatch her. Unlike Jaha and Kane, she didn’t get to go out on her own terms.

(I guess you could say that her injecting herself with Nightblood led to it, but Russell could have had her injected with Nigthblood anyway. Or you could say that he did it because he was convinced that she would look for revenge for her daughter’s death, so it was her love for her daughter that doomed her in a way.)

Still, this episode itself covered her death as well as it was possible to do – even if the fact that Abby got to save the life of a child – her granddaughter-by-adoption, find out that her daughter is alive (after having her heart broken in the previous episode, where she was made to believe Clarke was definitely dead), reconcile with and apologize to the two of the closest people to her, Raven and Jackson, and get closure – was a pretty big hint her days were numbered. Her death scene was good, with flashbacks of her happy days with Jake, with Kane, and many memories of Clarke, but the strongest scenes were those of other people reacting to her death, especially Clarke.

Raven has been a side character this season, but she has gotten some subtle character development lately, such as admitting that was way too judgmental with Abby. While she and Clarke didn’t get to talk things through, Raven has been, in a way, redeeming herself and making up to Clarke by making all the efforts to save her daughter and being focused on that more than anything else, just as Clarke is redeeming herself by trying to do the right and moral thing and save as many people as possible.

I’ve been really liking Gabriel more and more, especially in this episode, when he risked everything to stop more innocent people being killed by the Primes. However, what was his plan, exactly? Distract people and then – what – convince Russell to stop being evil? He is a bit like Kane – a guy who did bad things, had a moral awakening, and is now trying to be perfectly moral, but he is more pacifist than Kane was. And he comes off too naïve and sometimes ineffectual: he doesn’t want to kill anyone and allow any lives to be lost, and he can’t even make himself kill Russell – but if he had killed Russell, taken out and smashed his mind drive, he could have prevented many more deaths. 

Speaking of mind drives, it was smart of Clarke to find the instruments and take out Ryker’s chip and keep it to later blackmail Priya with. I just wonder why more people don’t do the same. Surely everyone should be aware that killing Primes is irrelevant, if you don’t destroy the mind drives? They don’t even have to kill the Primes, for that matter, just take out those drives, smash the damn things, and you’ve stopped bodysnatching.                 

So many comments on this episode were about Clarke and Echo’s hug during her reunion with her, Miller and Gaia. Yes, Clarke and Echo are not particularly close – this season, they were on amicable terms, and Echo was one of the people who wasn’t verbally attacking Clarke, but they barely had any interaction and didn’t have any one-on-one talks since that dramatic conversation in 5x12. So, a hug just like the one Clarke had with Miller was maybe a bit odd/surprising But it was also weird when Clarke called Murphy her friend when she found him Polis in 3x07 – even though they had only had terrible interactions up to that point, or when she called Roan her friend or was on great terms with him a couple of days after he almost started a war with Arkadia and threatened Bellamy’s and Kane’s lives to blackmail her into political concessions. Maybe Clarke and Echo were trying to show the “we’re comrades in arms” solidarity, or are trying to be friends because of Bellamy, or Clarke is just happy to see any of the Earthkru and is glad when they hug her as friends, or a combination of all of that. In any case, I almost feel bad for even discussing this, because it’s been so overblown– the fandom seems to talk more about Echo hugging people than about Abby’s death or the chaos in Sanctum

.Another hug that, however, wasn’t surprising at all., was between Bellamy and Echo, but even that turned out to be an issue, because, apparently, a lot of people were shocked and disappointed by the fact that Bellamy cares about Echo and worries about her life, or that Bellamy and Echo were happy to see each other after not knowing if the other was alive. I’m not sure what exactly anyone was expecting? That Bellamy would say “Who are you? I don’t know you, woman!” or act like he doesn’t give a damn? Echo is one of the people he spent 6 years with, has been at least friends for 3 years, and has been dating for a while, so he would have come off as a real asshole if he didn’t care if she were dead or alive. Of course he felt a lot of guilt over leaving her and his other people, because he was focused on saving Clarke. Especially after Josephine called him out on caring for Clarke more than for the rest of them. He already showed guilt over leaving them in 6x11, so it’s mind-boggling that this is what some say is “inconsistent character behavior from episode to episode”. Also, apparently, when Bellamy and Clarke have the most intense hugs with heart eyes and romantic music, it’s just platonic or “baiting”, but Bellamy and Echo’s hug that was no more intense than that between Clarke and Echo, and that looked similar to how Bellamy hugs his sister (even with the same pat on the back!) is a sign that Bellarke is dead and Becho is endgame (?!) ¯¯\_(ヅ)_/¯Even though, again, like so many Becho scenes, it had Clarke in the frame, focused on Clarke and her sad face more than on Echo and Bellamy, and included Clarke interrupting their hug, twice, once asking Bellamy “What took you so long?” Followed by Bellamy looking at Clarke, while Octavia was watching the situation and glancing at all of them. (I see what you’re doing, show. We’ve been there before - except Bellamy and Echo were kissing back then, not just hugginh, and this is the first time Bellamy saw Clarke watching them.)

Is it too soon for the Blake siblings to already be on such good terms that Bellamy is  even gently joking with Octavia? I’m not sure, but Bellamy has shown a great capacity for forgiveness, and he has now seen enough evidence that Octavia has genuinely changed, which is all he needed.

Bellamy, again, got to be the one to give another speech to the masses, helping kindle the flames of the revolution in Sanctum – though it wouldn’t have worked without Priya telling everyone the truth. (Good thinking on Clarke’s part to take Ryker’s chip, and good suggestion on Echo’s part to suggest using it to blackmail Priya.)  

It’s amazing that the Primes were obviously evil from at least 6x04, but we still keep learning just how horrible they are. Russell is an amazing villain because he is so infuriating – a megalomaniac and a hypocrite who genuinely seems to think he is godlike and has the right to murder and exploit others. And then there’s the way he uses language to normalize terrible things, with terms like “adjustment protocol” (translation: make your own people go wild and kill each other, hoping that the religious fanatics will kill the doubters). He is even funny (unintentionally, on his part) with the way he talks, and in this episode he had gems like “I am disappointed in you, Priya. I am disappointed in all of you” and “ A mind drive is a terrible thing to waste”.

I was wondering before if Russell’s actions would turn a lot of the Sanctum residents against the Primes – and they did, but many of them are way too brainwashed, and his solution was to drop the toxin and cause chaos, while the Primes go to the ship to get away until Sanctum is safe for them again. But why are they so sure it will be and that it’s the Prime loyalists who will defeat kill all the rebels, rather than the other way round? If it’s based on previous experience – that was about fanatics vs people who had doubts, but the rebels who hate the Primes are (at least) just as angry as those who worship the Primes.

And Priya got to experience that when Delilah’s mother killed her to avenge her daughter, after getting a confirmation that Delilah was really dead. It was funny that Priya was still hoping to use Delilah’s name to get them to help her, just as she was lying to Jordan a few episodes ago that Delilah was ‘with her’ and happy. I just hope that someone took out and smashed her drive – and Ryker’s drive that she had in her hands, so we wouldn’t have any more resurrections.

The royal guards were the most brainwashed of them all. They heard Russell more or less admit in his conversation with Echo that bodysnatching was murder, knew he was going to do it as a punishment to someone who almost assassinated him, but they kept believing in the crap about being one with the gods? And three of them got the “honor” to be hosts to the Primes: Jade became Jasmine (after having failed to protect Rose, who was meant to be the host for Jasmine), Gavin’s widow became the host for Miranda, and another guard, a bald white dude, became Caleb.  I can’t say I’m sorry for them – they were really “Too Dumb to Live”.  

It was fun to see Murphy and Emori dressed and made up in the Prime fashion (which looks a lot like the fashion of the Capitol from The Hunger Games) and pretending to be two of the Primes who whose mind drives were wiped by Simone – Daniel and Kaylee Lee. And there was a rare comedic moment when they realized they were playing brother and sister. Russell is a massive troll – he could have given them the identities of the parents, Faye and Victor Lee – it’s not like it would have made any difference. 

Clarke is really an amazing actress, to be able to fool even Josephine’s parents into believing she is Josephine, even when she had to hide her feelings about seeing Madi in pain and danger, and when she learned that her mother was dead. That scene was the strongest in 6x12 – even while we knew what would happen, Clarke finding out by seeing Simone in Abby’s body was really painful. That was too much for Clarke, who couldn’t hide her tears. Good thing that Gabriel was there to help by giving her a cover – and she did a great job playing a scene as a lovers’ quarrel and pretending that her pain was about Josephine’s disappointment with the “traitor” Gabriel. (And channeling a real experience from her own life  – as actors often do.) 

I’ve seen comments that Murphy’s actions in this episode were confusing, but it all seemed pretty clear to me. He told Emori and later Raven that he was doing what was good for their friends, too. He thought they were helping them all survive - which was definitely the case as they would have been burned if he hadn't come up with the idea about bone marrow. Then in 6x11 Russell threatened Emori to get him to bring "Josephine", even though Murphy was obviously already disgusted by the Primes at that point, seeing his reaction to when one of the guards touched him.  I don't know if he's still really interested in immortality, but since 6x10, the issue was "immorality or mortality", the latter meaning – death in the immediate future, since that the Primes were going to kill Emori, and probably him and everyone else. But he expected them to keep everyone alive if they play along. When they killed Abby, it was obviously too much for him, since he said it to "Josephine"'s face, with disgust: "All she did was help, and you killed her". That and knowing that Bellamy, Octavia, Echo and Miller are somewhere in Sanctum needing help, made him decide to stay and help his friends.

I loved the Clarke/Memori scene. I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with Clarke telling Murphy that she’s proud of him, and it doesn’t mean that he does not get held responsible for his actions. He was held responsible in 6x10, to the point that his friends and himself assumed he would be the one chosen to die, and Abby slapped him and told him he would be. Clarke – who may not even know the worst of his actions (that he almost helped Josephine kill Clarke, and that he helped her manipulate Abby) – did not trust Murphy and didn’t tell him she was alive, but was watching to see whether he makes the right choice, and praised him when he did the way a mentor praises a student who fulfills their positive potential.

Quite a scene for Indra and co. at the ship – “Abby” and Clarke in royal robes and some blond guy in similar robes, pointing guns as Gaia, Madi and Raven. I don’t think the Primes have much of a chance, with “Josephine” being Clarke and the fact that the ship has 400 people who, if woken up, would absolutely wreck everyone in Sanctum, let alone a few pampered Primes. But it’s an interesting image: the Lightbournes always seemed like the evil version of the Griffins, especially with the casting choices for Josephine and both the original and the current Russell, so it is weirdly fitting that Josephine bodysnatched Clarke for a while, and now Simone bodysnatched Abby.

Rating: 8.5/10

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Primez!

hell yeah thankyou!!! [2, 5, 17 been answered]

(3) maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?

i’m that theatre gay who’s never Really been in any theatre production. and there was an archery place like 10 min from where i grew up and i was like “ooh archery how cool” b/c i’m a gay but never tried it

(7) amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

hardly unheard of but i Don’t Like the approach to astrology that ppl have been getting in the past few yrs like. the Joke someone on twitter had that we’re like, on the verge of some astrological discrimination lawsuit……..and idk ppl get like pseudo-christian-style Smug about it like, don’t apply this to everyone??? and it’s just strange to like. tell people what they’re like. or explain their characteristics via this really strange westernized vague concept of astrology rather than like, tell me about the life experiences that affect the way that you are. like it’s almost condescending and ppl are being way too serious about it sometimes in (see: the on the verge of the lawsuit thing lol)…..anyways and i guess some of my Killjoy tendencies make me like, haha i’m the Hater b/c idk i’m real opinionated. but a lot of the times it’s not Really b/c i hate other’s joy or some shit, it’s just crap along the lines of like, “these ideas abt love which are meant to be Very Romantic actually strike me as being the Less ideal interpretation of love between people and the potential therein? and colder? and unhealthier / more unpleasant / not as nice / etc etc etc as my ideas on romance which i guess seem like i’m wanting to just shoot down some Lovely Concepts but i’m like. that doesn’t seem lovely. i’m on the very of launching into another essay abt Isolation Isn’t Romantic and Romance As Very Human And Ordinary And Even Mundane Seems A Lot Better Than The More ~Magical~ Approach and did i mention romance should be the Opposite of isolating and yet it’s so taken for granted sometimes that you’ll know it’s True Love when you [bass boosted DIE FOR EACH OTHER] and stop giving a shit about anyone but this one other person and etccccccccc [me screaming for hours]”

and a lot of times things that i guess are would-be Cute / Charming / Wholesome / Positive / Etc start to grate on me if i have to see it too much and i’ll probably end up hating or resenting it but like, not because i hate happy stuff, but b/c it just like. is like, i like things to be Genuine, and it will just feel like this is Performing genuine…ness………..which i don’t like. b/c it’s being Not genuine to try to appeal on the grounds that it’s genuine? yknow. which also extends into the realm of “i hate this Cute music over this cute animal video. don’t tell me how to feel about it” and when something tries to be Surprising in the realm of like, pseudo-dissonant like. oh this is a cute harmless white girl on the ukulele but she just said “fuck” and “std’s” or some crap!!! whaaaaaat!!!!! like, i hate this actually? can i die

i could give a ted talk just showing vines that make it into plenty of people’s compilations and being like “this is why this vine is Not Funny (Enough)” 

(also i do sometimes hate Having Fun. doge speak was so awful. of Course gop congress adopted it briefly in its original heyday. even now i hate the derivatives. i’m not about to rb something that contains the word birb. can i die)

also i think star wars is boring. i think cargo pants are fun and fine. 

(11) orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn.

we get confirmation that any Winston Footage is filmed for billions s5. soph i know that like, fitting in almost 3 hrs of subway travel / going into nj and back / probably having to do all this on a weekend / having like a 5 second window maybe makes it difficult but we all agree it’d make another epic gamer moment if you got to see lihn

(13) bonfire - describe your dream house.

lol being in my teenz in 2008 i haven’t thought about it much tbh. i think i’d like a pretty cozy (smallish) bedroom and just a lot of physical Niches yknow. i like to frequent very specific spots which are not too out in the open. and really everything would be kinda Cozy Smallish but not the kitchen. get some space there, and like, raised counters like for julia child being 6′2″ b/c Standard Height is not comfortable for me either at my tender 5′11″ or 6″ness. and i always think that those sitty spaces that are like, Depressed into the floor are fun. i know there’s a word for that, but whatever. there’s a bunch of very disparate color schemes i’d think i’d like, so like, idk if i’d just go for totally different Aesthetic Approaches from room to room to try to cover all of them lol

(19) pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?

i mean i think it’s more important to recognize that anyone is entirely capable of Doing good or bad, and arguing about what they Truly Are In Their Hearts is beside the point. but i also think the idea that like oooh if Polite Society crumbles enough we’ll all just be roving in bloodthirsty packs, looking to kill each other and loot / probably eat the corpses, etc etc ~dark gritty bold~ apocalyptic material that’s like wow yeah that’s really confronting the Uncomfortable True Nature of society. like, capitalism is already a brutal and inhumane situation to exist in, but it’s not some emergent expression of Human Nature like, oh, life is just like this, empty and alienating and unfulfilling unless you [physical violence b/c it is Genuine], or that people would turn on each other if we were in survival mode, like…..no. survival mode always entails helping others to survive like. yeah not for necessarily Every individual? but that’s just more of anyone’s capacity to Do good or bad. but humans as a species are not solitary, we’re social b/c that’s how we all exist in relation to each other, society is innate to us and not some Luxury that distances us from our True Natures. we communicate with each other and want to work together even beyond helping each other survive and want to connect to each other and total / imposed isolation is Bad for anyone. and i think that love and altruism are Human Nature too. like, it’s weird when it’s treated like some evolutionary mystery why humans (or individuals of other species) would exercise altruism and/or self-destruction (or the risk of it) for the sake of others? like “but it doesn’t make sense b/c for us survival means Passing On Genes, we protect ourselves and our ability to exist and procreate, and we protect those most genetically similar to us, down the line to favoring your most distant cousin over a random stranger,” etc etc What A Mystery Why We Are Altruistic!!! but it’s not?? like? we don’t just see ourselves as individuals and we recognize the self in the other, and that we are all just Arbitrarily the self that we happen to be, and are all The Other to everyone else’s Myself…..and why would humanity not Preserve itself beyond just individuals looking out for just their individual existence? we just like. don’t only prioritize the preservation of our own genetic code. why should it be a less Survivally Successful approach for any individual to look out for any other individual? of Course we give a shit about other randos who don’t have any familial or even any other personal connection to us at all b/c we just care about the survival of other humans. 

anyways! no yeah so i think that Love and Altruism are intrinsic human nature. like creativity and communication. we aren’t like, always doomed to destroy each other b/c That’s Humans For You. denying the humanity in others inherently requires actually just reducing one’s own humanity, yknow??? re: human nature anyways. i know we’re all still technically human regardless of how we act. and that the self-destructive destruction of others is a feature of humanity, but i don’t think it’s one which is Inherent or Inevitable. i.e. the Self-Destruction thing. capitalism is out here threatening everyone’s existence and just so happens to require placing the Wealthy Few above the worth of the lives of all the rest, who are the cheap labor force rather than Just As Human as the richest. anyways. mostly Good! but the point is still that anyone can do Bad regardless so like, who cares if you have some good in your heart, bitch we all do.

(23) ghost - is there someone that you miss having in your life?

still a bit effed up on missing the theoretical concept of an in-person group of people who are consistent in genuinely enjoying / being enthusiastic about time spent with you. one reason it’s theoretical is that i’ve never Really had a whole in-person friend group exaactly. and it’s theoretical b/c idk, it’s not easy for me to feel comfortable Being Myself around others and like, i like being in groups as a rando amongst strangers really easily, but if it’s like, we’re all in a group and talking and stuff, i can just go into [stifled mode] real easily, idk, it’s hard to say whether the times i’ve been Uncomfortable in groups like that is just like, it not being the right people, or that i just will always like smaller groups or just one-on-one or smthing i dunnooooo. either way i get depressed about Wouldn’t It Be Nice though so idk? i guess i would still ideally seek it out. but i also can’t feel like i can actually expect this to happen. on a related note i forgot to mention Briony Atkins as this minor character who is very like me in being someone who is outwardly v withdrawn and quiet and comes across as not speaking b/c she has nothing to say but in reality she’s a passionate and boisterous person who just rarely shows / expresses it around others. i’m out here never talking (and getting the chance to talk aloud and it’s like a mile a minute all at once trying to compensate) and being pretty quiet and people get surprised when i have An Opinion even though i’m super opinionated lol and i just find it really hard to be myself around others unless i’m operating completely on my own and beholden to no one, but even then. anxious

[hanak0toba]

Lyrics Translation: アクメ (ACME) - ROTTEN ORANGE

*this song contains some explicit lyrics in English

A note on the pronouns: There were only four pronouns explicitly used in the song (three instances of “you” in varying forms of politeness, and a singular “I”).  I ended up translating most of the song to “you,” but in a general sense.  The song isn’t being sung to/about one person in particular, but humanity as a whole.  The reason I didn’t translate it as “we” is because the singer – while admitting he’s part of the problem since he is, in fact, an imperfect human being – is trying to appeal to everyone else to wake up and stop being so self-absorbed and pay attention to the world falling apart around them.

There are quite a few notes on this one, but they’re well worth it, in my opinion.  Also, since I do not have a physical copy of the lyric booklet, my translation was completed using lyrics I found (and double-checked against other sites) online.

ROTTEN ORANGE Romaji

GURAGURA no fuantei　fuantei [1]　kuu ka kuwareru ka　kyouzonfuka DEATHGAME ZUTAZUTA no furyouhin　furyouhin　kitaiHAZURE no SHIT　sou kimi wa ROTTEN ORANGE

Kyoukasho no koroshi atteiru ijin ni akai sen　boku yori mo tsumibukai kuse ni shousareteiru Naraba　fuhai! fuhai! fuhai! kusatteshimae! Naraba　fuhai! fuhai! fuhai! ULTRA VIOLENCE

GIRIGIRI no fukinshin　fukinshin　nabiku dake nabiite nakami wa kara no JOHN DOE BAREBARE no fubyoudou　fubyoudou　miteminu FURIshite amai mitsu wo choudai Tokeijikake　houteishiki no ue de odorou

Kyou de shinou　sou wameiteiru ANOko ni akai sen Kimi yori mo kizu　asai no ni kidzuite moraeteiru Naraba　fuhai! fuhai! fuhai! kusatteshimae! Naraba　fuhai! fuhai! fuhai! ULTRA VIOLENCE

ROTTEN TO THE CORE　mikan　mikan [ROTTEN TO THE CORE　mikan　mikan ROTTEN TO THE CORE　mikan　mikan ROTTEN TO THE CORE　mikan　mikan ROTTEN TO THE CORE]

GURAGURA no fuantei　fuantei　kuu ka kuwareru ka　kyouzenfuka DEATHGAME ZUTAZUTA no furyouhin　furyouhin　kitaiHAZURE no SHIT　tsuihoushite toutashite Tokeijikake　houteishiki no ue de odorou

Mushuusei　jishukisei　fukenzen　fukenzen　kono sekai

Odorou　nanajuu-oku no KABI to　kuchite kuzureru kajitsu

Kizuato wo hajite　hajite chouiku shitekure　mikansei HUMANRACE Donotsura de dare ni　dare ni ayamareba ii　oshiete　oshiete

GIRIGIRI no fukinshin　fukinshin　nabiku dake nabiite nakami wa kara no JOHN DOE BAREBARE no fubyoudou　fubyoudou　mite minu FURIshite amai mitsu wo choudai Tokeijikake　houteishiki no ue de　TEMEE ni kake kouteishi ikireru no ka Kusarikake wakesei no ue de ROTTEN ORANGE

ROTTEN ORANGE English Translation

Indecisive insecurity　corrupt insecurity[1] 　to eat or be eaten?　you can’t coexist with this DEATHGAME Defective product, falling apart　corroded defective product　[this] SHIT isn’t all I’d hoped it would be[2] 　you’re like a ROTTEN ORANGE

[Mark] a red line around the [3] esteemed figures killing each other off in our history books:　these sinful flaws [the world] so admires are more than just mine It’s a case of　corruption! depravity! decay![4]  you'll rot away to nothing! It’s a case of　corruption! depravity! decay! ULTRA VIOLENCE

Unrepentant degenerate 　corrupt degenerate　you just bow down and yield to the emptiness within you, JOHN DOE[5]  Undeniable inequality　corrupt inequality　you pretend not to see and drink down that sweet nectar [Like] clockwork　you’ll probably just dance around[6]  the solution

So [mark] a red line around the bawling children:　today’s the day we’re gonna die[7]  If only you could realize how superficial [this world is],　that these flaws are more than just yours [But] it’s a case of　corruption! depravity! decay! you'll rot away to nothing! It’s a case of　corruption! depravity! decay! ULTRA VIOLENCE

ROTTEN TO THE CORE　defective　[you’re] defective[8]  [ROTTEN TO THE CORE　defective　[you’re] defective ROTTEN TO THE CORE　defective　[you’re] defective ROTTEN TO THE CORE　defective　[you’re] defective ROTTEN TO THE CORE]

Trembling insecurity　corrupt insecurity　to eat or be eaten?　you can’t coexist with this DEATHGAME Defective product, falling apart　corroded defective product　[this] SHIT isn’t all I’d hoped it would be　you’ll be cut out and eliminated [Like] clockwork　you’ll probably just dance around the solution

This world is　unchanged　willingly captive　sickly　polluted[9] 

[You] seven billion blights[10] 　will probably dance,　[you] fruits gone bad with rot Be ashamed of your scars　be ashamed of what you’ve been nurturing[11]  　[you] imperfect HUMANRACE Who the hell　should apologize to whom?　tell me　tell me

Unrepentant degenerate 　corrupt degenerate　you just bow down and yield to the emptiness within you, JOHN DOE Undeniable inequality　corrupt inequality　you pretend not to see and drink down that sweet nectar [Like] clockwork　will you shits[12] bet it all on the solution and live right? You’re a ROTTEN ORANGE　on a planet that’s decaying

Translator’s Notes:

 [1] The first kanji of the repeated word is switched out.  Normally it is written 不安定 fuantei “instability,” but the first kanji has been switched to be 腐 which can also be read as fu and means “rot, decay, sour.”  This is done throughout the song every time a word beginning with fu is repeated, adding an element of “rotten” or “corrupt” to the word spoken before.

 [2] 期待外れ kitaihazure as a single compound means “disappointing,” but he splits it up writing ハズレ in kana – translated separately the words mean something along the lines of “failed [to meet] expectations” or “wasn’t what I hoped.”  So, while it kind of still means the same thing, I just wanted to note the word switch.

 [3] Red is an almost-universal color for drawing attention to something (or even noting something is incorrect).  To me, this whole stanza reads something like, “Look, I’m not perfect, and I’m part of humanity, too, but the world is putting the wrong shit on a pedestal.  Case in point: look at all the people who are remembered throughout the ages simply for being monsters. The world’s problems are way bigger than a single generation or a single person; they’ve been going on since humanity existed.”

 [4] All these words are 腐敗 fuhai.  I translated each one slightly differently because the word has more meanings than just the rot on a piece of fruit like in the title; it also has a negative emotional aspect.

 [5] “John Doe” is an English catch-all name given to “an unknown or anonymous person.”  (Someone is brought into the hospital unable to speak and without identification - “John Doe.”  Someone pens an angry letter to the editor but doesn’t want their name attached to it to avoid repercussions for stating an opinion that is unpopular - “John Doe.”) Speaking about the void/emptiness within, this seems like, “You’re so screwed up and corrupt that you’re empty inside; you aren’t even a real person anymore,” or even, “You might think you’re being sly and staying anonymous: looking good on the outside but rotten inside - but I know what you’re really like.”  (Side note, the female equivalent an unknown/missing person is “Jane Doe.”)

 [6] He actually uses 上 ue which can mean “atop, on top of, the surface,” as well as 方程式 houteishiki “equation, solution / method for solving a problem or achieving a particular result.” This sounds like it might be like the English phrase “dancing around the ____” (be that issue, problem, solution, etc.) – meaning you’re just skirting the issue, trying to carry on like the answer – which you probably don’t like –  isn’t right in front of you.

 [7] Back to the red line again, this stanza seems to be like, “You think it’s fine for you – yourself, one person – to act irresponsibly, but when everybody on earth feels the same way…  Well, the kids are the ones who will pay the price because we’ve fucked the whole world up for them.”

 [8] This is a play on words.  He writes 未完 mikan, which means “incomplete, unfinished, defective, deficient,” – but ミカン mikan is also the word for a mandarin orange/satsuma, like the title.  In fact, the first time he says mikan, in the PV the shot zooms out and the band is standing on an orange slice.  If you’re not reading the kanji but only listening to the music, this line could be taken as “ROTTEN TO THE CORE / [you’re] an orange / [a rotten] orange.”

 [9] This word is a repetition of 不健全 fukenzen “unhealthful” with the kanji switch noted before.  So instead of ‘corruptly unhealthy,’ “polluted” is a good alternative that encompasses both of those words’ meanings.  Since the song is a criticism of the state of the world, it seemed like a good fit.

 [10] Seven billion refers to all the people on the planet. The word used for “blights” is カビ kabi “mold” – so basically, he’s saying everyone is rotten and corrupt and decayed inside and contributing to the state of the world.  “Blights” sounded better in English than “seven billion molds.”

 [11] This is 教育してくれ kyouiku shitekure and could also be translated as “teaching [someone].”  So technically this whole line could be either, “You should feel bad for the filth and muck you’ve been tolerating / allowing to grow / actively encouraging,” or “You should feel bad for the filth and muck you’ve been teaching [your children].”

 [12] This is one of the only actual pronouns in the whole song besides two uses of 君 kimi “you” earlier on and one 僕 boku for “mine.”  This is ���めえ temee (written テメー in this case) and is a vulgar/rude or derogatory way of saying “you.”  Since it’s so rough and aggressive, especially compared to the earlier and more normal/polite use of kimi, I translated it as “you shits.”

[apatheticaria]

my spoilery thoughts on the last of us part ii

i apologize in advance for this super long post that you have to scroll past because i don’t know how to do the “keep reading” option thing

the only reason i’m writing this out is because i’m literally going insane from not being able to talk about my feelings for this game to anyone since no one i know actually cares lmao so this is mainly just for myself and anyone who wants to read this

the intro:

as i played through this game, i also watched a few playthroughs up until the point where i stopped to take a break. this was a game i couldn’t binge just because it’s so heavy and intense and sometimes you just gotta step away and take a breather

one of the playthroughs i followed along with was jacksepticeye’s and at the end he gave his review of the game like he normally does. i didn’t completely agree with everything he said, but for the most part i thought what he said lined up pretty well with my own opinion.

in particular, one thing that stood out to me was when he said that the introduction to this game shouldn’t have been Joel talking to Tommy about what he did at the end of the first game, but rather the whole flashback of Ellie’s birthday at the museum. then at “one” during the countdown to liftoff, the screen should’ve went black and fast forwarded to four-years-older Ellie opening her eyes in her home in Jackson (idk if i’m explaining this well, but Jack’s editor, Robin, edits this together and really sold it to me. if you wanna see it, go to the last part of Jack’s playthrough and look for it towards the last 30 minutes). i think this would have given us the time i think we all needed with Joel before he died and all the following flashbacks would be more focused on how/why Joel and Ellie’s relationship turned so distant - or hostile on Ellie’s part - and could’ve helped the pacing a bit.

Joel’s death:

potentially an unpopular opinion? but i actually like how Joel died. or uh lemme rephrase, i like the way they wrote his death. in this world of violence, hate, and brutality (actually doesn’t sound too off from our world but ahem moving on), i think the way he died was realistic, especially since he doomed all of humanity by saving Ellie in Part I. it just makes a lot of sense that someone would go after him and hunt him down

from the moment Abby and Owen stood over Jackson from the cliff, i was thinking: well theyre gonna kill Joel and since we’re gonna probably be playing as this girl for some (emphasis on some) of the game, they’re gonna go hard on the grey area of perspective in terms of revenge. which i was super on board with, but we’ll get back to that

when this game was first advertised, i didn’t know how i felt about a revenge story. it’s been told so many times and i’m never as hell-bent on revenge as much as the character is because it never feels warranted enough. that is, until i saw Joel die. watching Ellie pinned to the floor with a perfect view of his body, his face, beat to shit as she screams and begs for Abby to stop? haha that’s fucked Naughty Dog, thanks. but i do appreciate that they were able to make me just as mad as Ellie because of just how brutal his death was and how much i care, cared, about that character. no story has ever made me so incredibly enraged to the point i was with the main character full-stop to just destroy the perpetrator and take revenge. that’s why i think the way Joel dies is perfectly done. the fact that that cutscene is so horrible to watch for so many reasons just proves that it does it’s job.

Ellie’s half:

i actually don’t have too much to say about Ellie’s half of the story. this was what i both expected and wanted from the game, the whole game. while i can’t say i was having “fun”, because this isn’t really a fun game to play, you know what i mean when i say that this part was fun to play and follow.

side note: Naughty Dog’s improvement of your NPC buddy is so good, Dina and Jesse were both actually helpful, still not perfect, but also they’re not supposed to do all the work for you. i think the added layer that they could also get caught/seen and alert the enemy was completely unexpected and such a good addition to the gameplay (ofc this goes for Lev as well).

throughout the whole story, there’s kinda a problem with the pacing, and i know i’m not the first person to say that. however, i think the only big pacing issue i had with Ellie’s perspective was that kinda weird attempt of an open world map that they did with the gates. it felt a little unnecessary since i, and most other people, are playing for the story, not an open world with various side quest-like things. i missed the guitar cutscene with Ellie playing the guitar and singing to Dina (which kinda sucks, but i obviously just watched it after) because i just wanted to get back to the story rather than explore a large area. it was an attempt at something different so i won’t fault the game for that too much, but also stay in your lane lol so that section was a bit of a miss for me personally. i really liked the rest of it though, it had me engaged the whole time

Abby’s half:

ok. i have a lot to say about this half of the game since this is where most the problems occur.

first, let me preface this by saying that i don’t hate Abby. as i said, from the very beginning i knew she was going to have a, not justifiable, but an understandable reason for murdering Joel and that the game was going to be about seeing two sides to the same story. except, at the same time, i came here for Ellie, so why am i playing as this heterosexual? im mostly kidding. but fr i didn’t need the entire half of the game trying to get me to sympathize with Abby. i really didn’t need the message to be so spelt out for me, i got it from the moment i realized she was going to kill a favorite character.

i think my main gripe with the way they told this story is the way they formatted it. this story has all the elements to be amazing, but the execution just lacked the...finesse? idk if that’s the right word.

rather than splitting up the game into two halves, they could/should have integrated Abby’s story into Ellie’s so that when we cut from Abby holding the gun at Ellie in the theater to suddenly Abby as a young girl, it won’t feel so jarring when we have to start all over again with the upgrades and the timeline.

i really liked how we switched between them in the very beginning so why couldn’t that have just continued? in a book with multiple povs, the author often switches back and forth between every or every few chapters. you never see a book that starts with one perspective, then at the climax you have to start all over again from the other. at least, i’ve never seen this in any books i’ve read and i’ve read a lot ngl

maybe they forced us to stick with Abby for so long because if we’re forced to play as her, then we’re forced to get invested into her story. while this makes sense, it also really degraded at my enthusiasm for the game. it took me so long to just give up on the idea that we would be going back to Ellie relatively soon and when i did actually realize that was what was happening i was really disappointed.

instead of separating their stories, i would’ve liked to have Abby maybe one step behind Ellie the whole time so that while we play we’re just anticipating when Abby will finally catch up and it builds to this whole thing. instead, when we actually got to the point where everything was supposed to go down, we’re hit with whiplash and back to the very beginning with tutorials?? like did they just expect us to forget how to play since we switched characters?

i’m thinking, after Ellie and Dina jump over the barbed wire that explodes and Ellie’s knocked out, we could have switched over to Abby waking up in the WLF stadium. after Abby sneaks out of the stadium and you have that interaction with Jordan where he mentions Leah at the tv station, then we go back to Ellie waking up and tied to the table and we see Ellie kill Jordan.

after this i think Abby should have met Lev and Yara way sooner because i barely even remember what happened before Abby was caught by the seraphites it was so boring. so she gets caught by the seraphites AFTER we meet them through Ellie being shot through the shoulder (i still want to get all the first impressions of new stuff with Ellie because then it still makes her feel like the main character) and we meet the siblings and blahblahblah.

as a follow up, after Ellie kills Nora, which by the way, Ellie’s facial expressions are just so good with the red light while she’s just beating Nora to death? wow that entire interaction was so well done. anyway, after Ellie kills Nora, and Ellie gets back to the theater and the scene ends with her and Dina hugging, then we would switch to that whole section with Abby and Lev traveling to the hospital to get the meds and it would be cool if on her way in, Nora helps Abby and then on her way out, we run into a door we have trouble opening so we push and when it opens, Nora’s beaten up body is right there.

you get the gist. Abby’s story was barely intertwined with Ellie’s until the very end where she finds Owen and Mel dead. she doesn’t know that literally everyone else, except Leah, is dead too. i feel like that would’ve made the impact of Abby and Ellie’s fight at the theater more effective. affective? whatever i’m not an english nerd

i also think we should have gotten the flashback with Abby’s dad a little later when we’re expected to understand her character a bit more.

overall, i’m not mad about getting Abby’s side of the story, but i am mad that the way it was told felt so disconnected from Ellie. we could still get that whole arc of Abby going to the island to get Lev, she can still get her own story apart from Ellie, but she needed to have more of a interaction with Ellie’s actions.

Abby vs. Ellie, Abby’s pov:

i absolutely hate this fight. i really hate the way it was written and the way it happened. i get that the game is trying to give us Abby’s perspective and to show that in her point of view, Ellie is the villain in this story.

except, AGAIN, i don’t need this spoon fed to me!!! i KNOW that the world isn’t black and white and that people’s perspectives are different, but also? i don’t really care. both characters have gone through shit and both have done shitty things. neither of them are innocent, no one in this world is innocent (hence why i really dislike Mel, but that’s not really relevant), so it really comes down to which character you value more. in my - and most other people’s - case, it’s Ellie. i know the whole point of this fight is to make the player uncomfortable, but i wasn’t just uncomfortable, it made me legitimately start to dislike this game (spoiler for the end of this stupid-long review: i don’t completely dislike it)

the game really emphasizes that this is Abby’s story as much as it is Ellie’s and i get that, but this fight did not need to happen the way it did and the game didn’t need to be even longer after this. a lot of people say that we played from Abby’s perspective because Ellie would have killed Abby and that would be that (and she did, by the way, i relished watching Ellie get her revenge because while i don’t hate Abby, it was still so satisfying even if that wasn’t how the game wanted me to play). however however however, Abby wouldn’t have showed mercy either. she was absolutely going to kill Ellie if Dina hadn’t intervened then she was going to kill Dina if Lev hadn’t intervened.

here’s how i wouldve wanted it to go: we go back to Ellie’s perspective once Abby has the gun pointed at Ellie in the lobby and during their fight, Ellie would get the upper hand because she has weapons and shit (let’s be honest, Ellie would not win in hand-to-hand combat with fully-healthy Abby, we saw that first hand). Lev would try to jump in, but then Dina would disarm him and prevent him from escaping her grasp. then eventually Ellie would have the barrel of the shotgun pointed at Abby’s face and she would hear Lev tell her to please stop don’t kill her and Ellie would listen because the same exact thing happened to her (we could get a short flashback or something for more emotions, idk). so instead of killing Abby, Ellie would knock her out and her and Dina would leave and Lev would run to Abby’s unconscious body. this would end that cycle of revenge and because Abby has something more important to her than revenge (Lev), they would move on.

the ending:

if the game went how i just imagined, we probably wouldn’t get an ending that’s as depressing and open ended as it is, but i’m sure Neil and his team could figure something out, such as Ellie still has to deal with PTSD and Tommy’s really pissed at them and Ellie still looses her two fingers. so we get that little domestic sequence and the PTSD flashback and Tommy coming with his eye missing and showing the map. he leaves and when Ellie is about to leave in the middle of the night, Dina convinces her this time to stay and the next day Ellie tries to play the guitar one last time before giving up since she doesn’t have her fingers (i still want that last heartbreaking flashback, that one fucked me up i love it) and she goes out to leave it somewhere in the woods with it all ending with her walking away from the guitar that Joel gave her to symbolize her letting him go. idk man something like that, still not that open ended, but i’m just talking out of my ass rn

anyway that’s not how it went so we’ll stick to reality.

an open ending isn’t supposed to be unsatisfying, because that’s what this ending was. Part I does an open ending perfectly as we still get closure even though we don’t know exactly how things go afterwards (until now obviously).

after playing from Abby’s perspective for so goddamn long, it was weird to play as Ellie again, even while it was also a relief, and that makes me really sad. in the end, i did feel bad for Abby when she was literally left to starve and “hang” (but again i didn’t need 15+ hours in order to feel basic sympathy).

from the way they wrote the story, i knew Ellie wasn’t going to let it go and she was going to leave Dina and JJ. it made sense and i don’t think it was out of character for her, but the fact they did that in the first place and that Abby was the one to let go first? Abby got her revenge, she killed Joel, but Ellie never got that closure so of course she was going to go after Abby.

in the very end, Ellie is left with no one and Abby still has Lev and a group of fireflies to run to. Ellie’s biggest fear was being alone as she said in the first game, but that’s exactly what she’s left with. yeah life is unfair and i do like that the consequences feel real in this story, but i don’t think Ellie deserved to be done so damn dirty while Abby is living her best life. sure all of Abby’s friends were murdered because of Ellie and Dina leaving is Ellie’s own fault and i don’t blame Dina, but i mean we have no idea what happens to Ellie after this, where she goes. it at least feels like she’s on the road to eventually being relatively okay, as okay as you can be in this world.

i can’t completely articulate how i feel about this ending, even after three days having finished playing. all i do know is that while it’s realistic how Ellie’s story ended, i would’ve liked for Abby to get the same treatment. for her to not actually find the fireflies through the radio and escape from the Rattlers only to have no where to go so that, just like Ellie, revenge cost her everything and we don’t know where she went after.

maybe because Abby’s story was pretty much wrapped up and Ellie’s wasn’t, they’re planning for a trilogy, but i guess we’ll see.

the tldr;

this game has all the elements it needed to be amazing overall imo, i just wish they were all utilized Better. the reason it’s so hard to figure out how i feel about this game is because it has so much potential that just never came through and i’m really jealous of all the people who were blown away by this story. it’s still a good game though, but a 7/10 seems too high and 6/10 seems to low. ig it’s a 6.5/10 for me.

thanks for reading if you made it this far

[dapperfvck-arc]

🔥 The TV show... (Because I really want to know exactly why you don't like it [or hate it?] because i'm so freaking curious. Also I think in general a Constantine TV show would do best on AMC rather than NBC... FEEL FREE TO COMPLETELY RANT. I WANT TO KNOW. Please.)

Unpopular Opinion Time!

Oh boy. Hooooo boy. I’m still going to be relatively gentle, because honestly, I’m saving my true vitriol for the times that I must defend my choice not to RP it or for the hysterical consensus opinion from the fandom that TV show was an improvement over the film (lol nope, aside from Matt Ryan “looking the part” but that’s a whole other can of worms). 

Note: Cut for length and maybe a bit of brutality in my honesty.

*sighs* Ok, I’ll first preface this with that I still have like four episodes to go. Obviously, I have massive issues in the needless changes made to the adaption of comic canon. It was unnecessary to make Chas American while retaining the fact that he’s John’s oldest and best of friends. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, but who knows. Maybe it’s explained a little better in one of the last few episodes, but you know. My hopes aren’t high. I don’t like Chas’s virtual invulnerability, not just because it takes away the stakes of the danger he’s putting himself in, but also? It’s a plot device scarcely used? So why make that choice if it’s not going to be capitalized on with meaningful frequency? I hated that Zed was portrayed as a novice, and that the teeth were taken out from the Newcastle Incident. Now obviously, I understand why they’d have to alter a bit of it due to Network censorship, but at the same??? I mean child abuse and sexual violence are nothing new on shows like Law and Order: SVU and Criminal minds so…Idek, it kind of comes off as an excuse. It’s not a child’s show. Maybe it could be argued that it was marketed toward teenagers, but it’s not like they’re ignorant to those horrors in the world. I’m not asking them to show Astra’s rape, just to acknowledge the true horror of the situation instead of making it all about John’s failure. So yeah, I was annoyed by the occasional attempt to adapt source material and completely mucking it all up.

Now to begin with, I completely get the SP/N’s fandom bitterness more than ever. Before watching it I thought they were just trying to be like “whaaaat, another show about magic and exorcism? Of course it’s a ripoff because don’t you know our fandom invented those things?” I honestly believe the crux of the issue is that NBC clearly wanted their own SP/N as well as to cash in the popularity of comic book based media, so there’s that. To me, it comes off as a shameless cash grab. I honestly believe if I felt like there was some kind of passion from its creators, I could have dealt with some of those changes, but I don’t get that. It’s been a soulless experience overall. Like it’s not been a matter of me nitpicking like “oh this is wrong, this has been changed, boo hoo, it’s not all existential horror and fucking and drugs.”

Because frankly...I just think it’s a bad show. It’s poorly written, poorly made, poorly researched, poorly acted, it’s just bad. The main issue I have with it is that it’s a lot of telling and not showing. There’s not a lot of tension or foreshadowing, just “boom this is how it is” and so much exposition. John, for example, about half of his dialogue in any given show is verbal exposition. It’s frustrating, tbh. Like, it doesn’t make sense for me in this day and age for a TV show, even on a network channel, to be this bad. Over the past several years, television series have improved exponentially in content and writing. It’s not shameful anymore to start off on TV anymore. We’re in a very exciting time that television and cinema are almost completely on equal par of perceived quality. So yeah, it’s been an even greater disappointment for me because it’s not just that they fuck with the source material but because on top of that it’s literally a bad show. I’m not one bit surprised that it wasn’t renewed because there just...Isn’t enough to like about it. It’s not faithful enough to the comic to secure that base of fans and it’s not good enough to be taken for face value. 

The other massive issue I have is the portrayal of magic, which honestly extends to DC’s handling of Hellblazer and John as well. See, what you have to understand is that predominately, throughout the Vertigo series, it’s clear to me that most of its writers either have some awareness of how magic works or at least have done their research. I can follow the logic and ritual in what he’s doing. ​Let me tell you a little something about magic. It's all about focus and will. You can do and say whatever the hell you want as long as you're putting your intent behind it. The ritual of spell work, use of candles, crystals, incense, chanting, incantations, etc. are meant to be the focus of a magician's energy and will on a particular result, but it could be attempted without as well. To explain it in more fantastical terms, in Harry Potter casting without a wand is considered impressive. This implies that the wizard's focus and will is so strong that they no longer need a wand to draw out their intent. Now I get it. By this understanding magic doesn't make good TV viewing (I guess...), but my main concern with this series is there's no attempt to portray an iota of witchcraft's reality along with the fantastical. Now part of this problem is that they've removed a great deal of John's innate ability. He can no longer see spirits/ghosts and there is no mention to his connection to synchronicity (as far I’ve seen, mind). Instead of happening to end up where he needs to be or what have you, he's following a map, and he uses a lot of artifacts and other implementation to get the job done. Which bothers me on a few levels. For one, it imbues the focus, not the caster with the power, which is not how magic works (at least in the sense of portraying gritty urban fantasy), and for two, it's very much against character. Let me give you an example: In the two part story Newcastle Calling, at the end of it, John hands a dying man a twig, telling him it's the finger bone of St. Cavartigan and that it's known to bring relief to those in need. He tells him to squeeze it tightly and focus on the pain going away. Near the end of the scene, the young man tells John that it's working. A couple things can be taken away from this scene: John's will was that the dying man would believe as he was told and his instructions were rote ritual. By contrast, in the series, John would probably had actually given him a Saint's fingerbone. You see the comparison takes the power of the scene away, as well as the mystery. Is the power of John's suggestion so strong that he could make the guy believe by holding that twig his pain would do away? Or was he so desperate to believe in order to not die in pain? You can interpret it either way. Hell, I could invent other interpretations, but going by what I believe would happen in the show, it can only be interpreted in the most literal sense. Now, to be honest, most television shows portray magic poorly. Even movies do a better job while keeping fantastical elements. The Craft, for all it’s 90s cheese, is a great example of this. So I suppose I could be blamed for getting my hopes up to be dashed because it’s just following the formula of 95% of all TV shows that feature a magical element or theme, but I mean...it’s not like Buffy or Charmed that was working without a script, so to speak. The TV series had a ready made blueprint and still chose to take the mumbo-jumbo bullshit route. Now, I have a lot of theories on the why for this, but that’s another post altogether and this has already gone on for way too long and I still have more to say.

Now, I guess I should, at least briefly, touch on the elephant in the room: Matt Ryan as John. What did I think? Because a lot of people have told me that he’s the shining beacon of this show, even literally admitting that yeah, it’s a poor representation of Hellblazer but that Matt Ryan man, he’s great! The problem that I have is that it’s not a good a show, and so no, I don’t like him in the role. I’m not going to compare him to Keanu because that’s not fair for a number of reasons, and maybe I’m a little biased because I adore Keanu (there’s also that can of worms I mentioned earlier, which is honestly yet another separate post lol). The way John’s written for this show, he’s positively insufferable. He’s not charming at all, which is find the most offensive, because one thing that can be said across all series and iterations of the character is that John is magnetic even despite xyz (he’s dangerous, he can be an asshole, he’s unreliable, etc.). Here he’s just a know-it-all, condescending prick. Now I do think with better writing, in a better representation of John’s character and Hellblazer in general (and maybe with a voice coach or director to discourage that Welshy intonation because yeah, his accent does irritate the shit out of me, but I’ve been very vocal about that before and honestly, at this point, I’ve come to realize that Ryan’s vowels are the least of this show’s problem), I think he has potential to be a fine John. As it stands in the media he’s portrayed John in so far (idk, maybe he was good on Arrow, but I’m talking the TV Series here and the JLD animation, which I’ve admittedly not seen, but I hated the comic so I’m not real likely to give that a chance considering my disposition toward the source material), I’m not entirely sold on him. Like if they tried another TV series for Hellblazer and didn’t cast him in the role, I wouldn’t be upset over it. 

I do agree that it probably could have been better on another channel, but here’s the rub, all the blood and gore and sex and loose censorship in the world could not save that show without better writing and direction. It could have been a fine show even on network if it had been crafted with some degree of caring. Let me give you an example off the top of head, namely the handling of the Newcastle incident. It was laid out pretty plainly within a few episodes. Alterations from canon aside, it doesn’t portray the horror of it at all and is one of the show’s many missed opportunities to really play up the scarier, more mysterious elements of John’s backstory. For example, instead of laying it out in a sloppy flashback with a laughable puppet, picture this scene instead: ​John is having a chat with someone, maybe Zed or Chas or some b-plot character. Something reminds him of the Newcastle incident and he gets a far off look in his eyes. The folly drops away to an eerie silence as the camera comes in tight on John's expression. Filling up the silence is a little girl's scream, then the voices of his friends, perhaps some sounds of violence, an inhuman sound or voice, it all blends together to become a hellish cacophony of sound as John's expression becomes more strained. Then suddenly the other person calling his name snaps him out of his reverie. The screams stop, the folly returns, and the scene appears jarringly normal. John shakes his head, makes a joke, and they move on. Yeah, that kind of scene has been done before, but the reason for that is it’s effective without giving away the whole story. It shows that this is a man haunted by something horrible. It’s also cheap and doesn’t necessitate straining the no doubt thin budget of a TV show that has yet to prove itself worthy of having more money thrown at it. 

Honestly, the issues I have with this show are innumerable and I’m just scratching the surface here and laying out my biggest problems. I could nitpick for days, and that’s the reason I’ve stayed mum about my opinions. There are people that follow me and that I write with that really like and care about the show, and I don’t want to make them feel...you know, bad about it or that they can’t talk to me or whatever. You know, if they found it enjoyable more power to them. I just didn’t and that’s maybe on me. By no means am I trying to bash the show here (because lord if I wanted to, I could), but to offer up what was requested, and that’s my undiluted opinions and feelings about the series. Of course I’m sorry that I couldn’t share the joy and that I couldn’t even like it on a similar level that I do the film (as a very solid AU, which people have tried to sell the show as to me, knowing my previous understanding of some of the changes made that deviate strongly from canon. As I said, maybe if it had been better made and written, I could, but as it stands currently, I can’t and unless real changes are made in the future, I’m unlikely to alter my opinion of it).

So yeah that’s it. Apologies that this got so very long, but as you can tell, there’s been a lot that I’ve been holding back.

[izzyovercoffee]

RepComm for the fandom meme

send me a fandom and I’ll — meme

softly, with a lot of feeling: I’ve been waiting for this moment.

lmaoo not really but yes, yes really. I am here and I am ready for this. 

Thank you for sending this B’)

Republic Commando

the character i least understand

Karen “What Is Abuse I Don’t Know Her″ Traviss

Ko Sai. I think, for the most part, she was written with very alien motivations, and it was fairly successful, at least in conveying that it was difficult if not impossible to relate with her on any level. 

I’m sure if I spent more time thinking and writing about her I could maybe attempt to understand her character … but for the most part I don’t really “get” her, and I think that’s the point.

interactions i enjoyed the most

Mereel and Ordo are endlessly entertaining. 

Any of the Nulls together, individually or clusters or all six in one room.

Mereel and Etain have had some very, very touching, emotionally deep moments — the kinds of scenes KT generally doesn’t allow any of her characters to have between two characters that aren’t romantically involved.

tbh this list is gonna be very long so to sum up: everyone with everyone else, when they’re allowed to be individual characters with separate personalities and motivations recognized, instead of twisted into very specific moral representations that KT pushes towards the end.

the character who scares me the most

Walon Vau is reasonably frightening, though really he should be. He is about as cold blooded of a killer as you’re going to get, and he doesn’t make threats, he makes promises. B’) 

Plus he’s also very difficult to get into the mental space to write, because he’s a legitimate Bad Person, and trying to write characters like him can be difficult.

it’s also a good idea to maintain a healthy fear of the nulls, if only out of respect of their potential for sudden and extreme violence. They’re not as “unpredictable” as the text says, though.

the character who is mostly like me

mmm … actually, I’m gonna go with Kal. this is probably gonna garner some “whaaat? but you HATE him?” 

Yes, I do hate him. but let me list some similarities lmao:

perpetual limp due to a bad ankle and persistent injury that never healed right / properly (partially kept as a constant reminder for a mistake)

short and angry, like all the time

compartmentalize everything and everyone

obsessive about caring for and protecting family, literally does everything for family

extremely secretive, to the point of never telling anyone the full story or full truth, everyone just get bits and pieces that seem complete. no one ever seems to realize this.

self sacrificing to the point of martyrdom, especially for family

these are all pretty negative, but … unlike Kal, I am actually self aware lmao and am working on these things, and have for the most part listened when other people criticize me so that I can continue to work on being better. it’s a daily process, you know, so I don’t hurt the family I care so much about.

Kal starts off terrible, and the writing implies that he might learn from it … but then instead of him learning and growing like everyone needs him to, the narrative instead makes excuses for him, everyone suffers, and Etain dies.

it’s unfortunate bc people like him exist, and you can’t coddle them if you want them to survive life. and yet everyone coddles Kal. Fandom, in general, coddles and makes excuses for abusive men. Full stop.

but like, here’s the thing:

He is a grown man. He is not a child. Don’t treat him like one.

I hate him partially bc the entire fandom excuses his behavior when it is, ultimately, inexcusable. He is not a child. He is a man, who has undertaken a huge group of extremely vulnerable people under his care, and he ultimately hurts them all. Severely. And TBH Kal deserves better than to be coddled and all his boo-boos kissed away by a fandom who says they care about the rest of the clan, but cannot see the sheer world-shattering damage Kal committed on them, regardless of intention. 

You can like a character, and still hold them accountable. Fandom, somehow, seems incapable of this level of nuance, especially if they’re a father and shown as sympathetic in any way.

hottest looks character

Mereel, obviously. lmao

No but like, consider: he dyes his hair (and his skin, and his eyes) and has a full wardrobe for all situations. 

He’s the (Daniel Craig) James Bond of the Grand Army of the Republic.

But I also headcanon Jilka and Besany to be incredibly fashion forward. Besany usually embodying the Career Professional woman, with very sharp, very perfectly tailored outfits that allow no room for nonsense.

Jilka also perfectly tailored, though her wardrobe is potentially more fun, visually, and incredibly flattering in all the right ways — but still very sharp, and very much professional when necessary.

one thing i dislike about my fave character

Mereel, light of my life, sun of my sky, salve of my wounded and broken heart, peace at the eye of my storm …

why are you like this?

lmao. On a more serious note, I can’t outright say I dislike anything about Mereel, but his inability to share what really goes on in his head with … well, anyone. The only time we see a truthful admittance to weakness is that single moment with Etain, when he admits that he’s still human. That he’s not perfect.

Every other time, and I know I say this a lot, but every other time … he deflects any serious conversation with a joke — and usually a joke that the speaker wants to hear (even if they don’t know they want to hear it). He doesn’t let anyone in, not even his brothers, and that’s … got to be a lonely sort of suffering. 

The kind of internalized suffering I’m sure he’s learned from Kal, both in the how to do it, and the reason he does it. bc Kal does internalize a lot of his suffering and doesn’t share it, burying weakness while in the same breath saying that he’s experiencing it and letting it go. He doesn’t, it’s just a different sort of self-delusion and deflection, and Mereel echoes it to a painful degree.

And then, of course, there’s Mereel learning that he needs to do it, bc Kal only accepts a certain kind of visual presence of mental illness and suffering, otherwise the person is “damaged” in some way and will never be “okay” for whatever understanding Kal has given okay. (view, for example, how he sees Ordo vs how he sees Mereel. He sees Mereel as stable, bc Mereel is extroverted, outgoing, and “always positive.” It’s not something intentional, but it’s still damaging, to all parties.)

one thing i like about my hated character

I might hate Kal Skirata, but I also love him. He’s a fantastic character. He is so so so flawed. His flaws make him interesting, and he tries. He tries so hard. He cares so much. He cares too much, even. His dedication and his love for his family are all encompassing, to the point that he can even be blinded to their faults because he loves so strongly.

But that love is a sword. One might even say it’s a triple-edged blade.

Love, as bright and fierce and consuming as it is, does not make someone right. It does not make their actions excusable when it leads to hurt, or even someone dying needlessly. It does not make one’s choices correct.

Love does not excuse abuse. And I really wish fandom would, at the very least, make the attempt to understand that.

a quote or scene that haunts me

Yes, I know how the Kaminoans did it. They used our genes against us, the ones that make us bond with our brothers, make us loyal, make us respect and obey our fathers—that’s what they manipulated to make us more likely to obey orders. They had to remove what made Jango a selfish loner, because that makes a bad infantry soldier, and you can tell from the Alpha ARCs that the Kaminoans weren’t wrong. But there’s one thing I don’t know yet—and that’s how they controlled the aging process. That’s the key. They robbed us of a full life span. But we will not be defeated by time, ner vod.

—ARC Trooper Lieutenant N-7—Mereel—in an encrypted transmission to Captain N-11, Ordo

a death that left me indifferent

mmm, Sev, actually. Like, in the game? I went through the whole grieving process after I finished Republic Commando. 

The way it was written? idk. It did nothing for me.

This probably is an unpopular opinion lmao but honestly, that scene? did not hit me anywhere. it just kinda left a bad taste in my mouth … much like Etain’s scene, except that I was actually pissed off about Etain lmao to the point that I still rant about it bc of how little sense it made.

a character i wish died but didn’t

I mean I could go the obvious route and say Kal, but I actually don’t wish Kal died. I just wish he’d learn from his mistakes and people would point out how he’s hurting his family lmao?

who do I actually wish died? any of the nulls, even if they don’t die die. They’re presented as these entirely Untouchable cast, to the point that no one really expect any of the Nulls to so much as get a paper cut — because how can they? they’re presented as close to perfect (obviously not in the mental illness department, but they do inhabit this space of being invincible).

and for any of them, even temporarily, to die would have had incredible emotional impact — moreso than Etain’s. It would’ve really brought home the threat on all their lives in a way that Etain’s death could never convey. 

but I’m asking nuance of a writer who clearly overwhelmed herself with a cast much larger than she could handle in writing, and who started all these incredible thematic arcs only to abandon them, forgotten, over the course of the series.

my ship that never sailed

I have a lot of ships, tbh, but it’s kinda like … weird? to talk about? as if I expected them to sail and then they just simply didn’t. 

I don’t have any ships that I expected to happen or be recognized and simply didn’t. I mean … Fi read as if closeted, so I was kind of hoping he would maybe realize he was attracted to men, but then of course he was paired off with his caretaker, and my god there are so many consent problems with that.