#I think mikasa deserves to move on

[aothotties]

Mommy Chaser pt. 3

Previous Chapters: (1)(2)

Warnings: swearing, masturbation, protected sex, riding, cunnilingus (m & f receiving), biting, fingering, multiple orgasms, pet names, lots of kissing!

Word count: 3.9K

Note: I am SO sorry it took me this fucking long to post this but I hope you all enjoy it!! :)

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“Mika, I don’t want to jinx anything with Eren but he’s damn near perfect.” You gush to your best friend while you pace back and forth. 

“Y/N! You must like him if you’re talking like this, are you sure you two haven’t slept together yet?” She asks somewhat playfully, Jean is sitting right next to her waiting for you to answer. 

“Ha ha, you know I haven’t slept with him. I can’t lie to you and say I’m not curious though.” You lay on the bed and bite your lip at the memory of your last encounter. 

The smell of his cologne filled your nostrils when he wrapped his arms around you for a hug. Or the comforting feeling of his muscular abdomen against your fingertips. 

“Are you still there?” You’re drawn out of your daydream by Mikasa and feel heat rush to your cheeks. 

“She’s probably thinking about getting dicked down right now.” Jean mumbles and your jaw quickly drops at such a wild, but somewhat true, accusation. 

You hear a smack and a yelp from Jean before Mikasa apologizes for his vulgar statement. 

“Please ignore him, we’re playing drunk board games and somebody’s having fun.” 

You can feel the poor woman’s embarrassment through the phone and let out a giggle to reassure her. 

“That sounds like fun, and even though your husband is an idiot…he’s not completely wrong.” You can’t help but admit defeat as more reminders from the other night flood your mind. 

“Oh my he’s really on your mind, isn’t he? I say go for it; I’ve known him for a long time and he’s a good guy. You deserve to move on and be happy.” You feel your worries die down the more she speaks, it’s almost like she’s giving you her blessing. 

“He’s corny as hell and eats enough for three people!” Jean adds and receives another light smack, this time he pulls Mikasa on top of him. 

You laugh and roll your eyes at his drunken words. You stare at the phone in confusion when there’s a lingering silence, soon followed by whispers and giggling. 

“Y’all, I’m still here. I’ll call you guys tomorrow night. Love you!”

“We love you more! Let us know how everything goes, Jean!” You hear your friend let out a fit of giggles before the line disconnects. 

You swipe over to your messaging app and sigh nervously. Your thumbs hover over the keyboard for a few minutes, you chew on your bottom lip and let out a sigh. 

You’re not even sure why you’re so anxious about all of this. Your baby girl is with her grandmother for the weekend, you don’t have to stress about working at all. It’s quite literally the perfect weekend for him to come over. 

“It’s now or never.” You mumble to yourself and start typing on the screen below. 

You smile at the last message before double-tapping it and leaving a heart. The feeling of the soft mattress and warm blanket have you drifting off. 

On the other side of

town Eren is acting like a teenage boy. If he could bounce off the walls in excitement he absolutely would, he’s only slightly ashamed of the bulge in his pants forming. It’s not his fault you’re the most divine woman in his eyes, you’re just so perfect. 

The thought of knowing that he’s going to finally get to see all of you, he’ll finally get to touch and squeeze your perfect breasts. All the nights of imagining what you look, feel and taste like have him leaking precum. 

He pulls off the suffocating boxers and lets out a hum of relief when the cool air makes contact with his hot tip. A thick hand wraps around the base and drags up, massaging the pink tip each time. 

“Y/N” He whines as he rapidly fuck his fist, his free hand grabs the sheets below as he gets close to his release. 

His tipping point is the thought of what your tight pussy is going to feel like wrapped around him. The hand grabbing the sheets slaps over his mouth as he moans loudly into his palm. 

He falls back onto his pillows and lets out a sigh of relief as he catches his breath. He looks down at the mess on his hand and huffs sleepily. 

“Just one more day.” He mumbles to himself while wiping the sticky fluid off himself. 

The next day finally rolls around and you’ve never felt more nervous for anything in your life. 

“Pull yourself together girl, you’ve had lots of sex before.” You say to yourself in the mirror while gently patting your cheeks. 

Your pep talk comes to an end when you hear the doorbell ring, you look over yourself once again in the mirror before shutting the light off. 

“Who is it?” You ask as you walk up to the door, a smile forms when you look through the peephole and see Eren on the other side. 

“It’s your future husband, open the door, sweetheart.” He responds playfully and you shake your head to refrain from laughing. 

You quickly unlock the door and move to the side so he can walk in. He drops his bag on the floor and removes his shoes before pulling you into a hug. 

You wrap your arms around his neck and he pulls you in closer. You take a deep breath and get a whiff of his cologne. 

“You smell nice.” You mumble against his chest, he rests his chin on top of your head and hums contently. 

“Thank you, I was thinking of you when I bought it. Are you hungry? I brought snacks for us to have.” He sets you back on the ground and you shake your head in response.

“I had lunch not too long ago, I can make you something if you’re hungry.” You politely offer and he’s the one to shake his head.

“I ate beforehand too, and when it’s time to eat dinner will be on me. I’m gonna be treating you today. Now show me one of those movies you were talking about.” He turns you towards the living room and you both sit on the couch.

“It’s called Bridgerton Eren.” You correct him, he playfully rolls his eyes and turns on an episode he’s never seen.

You get comfortable on the couch and cuddle up to Eren. You focus closely on the screen and give your full attention to the show.

In the few months of you two meeting one another, Eren has never understood why you love this show so much. 

Maybe it’s the attractive cast members, or maybe it is the plot, he’ll just have to watch and see for himself. That only lasts for a few seconds before his eyes land on your focused state. 

He grins at how entranced you are before the sound of moaning catches his attention. His eyes lock onto the TV and he raises an eyebrow. 

“So this is what you watch when I’m not here?” He smirks at you and you shake your head. 

“Not all the time! Sometimes I watch Modern Family or Brooklyn 99.” You say matter in rebuttal. 

He nods his head and hums in response before giving his attention back to the screen. He watches closely as the actors kiss and caress each other so tenderly. 

He shifts around on the couch to relieve some of the pressure in his underwear and glances to make sure you don’t notice anything. Thoughts of his hands groping your body and his lips kissing down your neck flood his mind as the scene goes on. 

You’re no better, there’s wetness pooling in your panties at the thought of him ravishing your body. Oh, how you long to be able to feel his mouth on yours, whispering sweet nothings in your ear while you come from another orgasm. 

You look over at Eren and are surprised to see how intensely he’s staring at the television. His Adam’s Apple moves up and down as he Mswallows nervously and keeps his eyes on the screen. 

You sit up and hold back a laugh at the blush that forms on his cheeks. 

“No I’m good, why are you alright?” He rubs the palms of his hands and his jeans and you nod in response to his question. 

“I’m doing great, if you want we can watch something else.” You reach for the remote, he gently grabs your hand and shakes his head. 

“You don’t have to do that, it’s fine. I’m fine.” He reassures you with a smile and a pat on the leg. 

“You know what's nice about being a mom?” You tilt your head and run your fingers through his hair. 

He inhales deeply and hums in relaxation at the feeling of your fingers massaging his scalp. He looks over at you and gives you a tired smile, he can’t help but crumble under each stroke of your fingers. 

“You can almost always tell when someone’s lying.” You whisper in his ear and watch as he has a full-body shiver. 

You place a finger on his lips to silence him. He swallows nervously but refuses to take his eyes off yours. 

You find yourself climbing into his lap as if it’s your throne. The finger that was covering his lips traces the outline of his mouth. 

He wraps an arm around your waist to pull you in closer, you close the space between you two and press your lips together.

You release his hair from its ponytail and tug gently at his roots, a groan falls from his lips at the sensation and his hands steadily move down your back, they hover above your ass and you pull away from his lips.

“You can touch me Eren, I want you to touch me.” You stroke his cheek with your thumb and he nods his head, he pulls you down by the back of your neck and slides his tongue in your mouth.

This time you’re the one that’s making sounds, you whimper into the kiss when his large hands rub the fat of your ass. His hips buck abruptly and your whimpers turn into moans, you can feel his hard cock against the fabric of your shorts.

Your hands grab at his shirt, urging him to take it off quickly. He gets the hint and pulls away from your lips to remove it. You bite your lip at the sight of his body from under you, you can’t help but trail a finger down his abdomen.

“Don’t be shy baby.” He teases and takes your hand trailing it down his body at a teasingly slow pace. 

He smirks at how shy you’ve suddenly become, only watching his body and no longer making eye contact. He takes your hand and stops the movements at the waistband of his pants, you gulp and feel heat rush to your cheeks.

“Do I make you nervous, pretty girl?” He chuckles and tilts your chin upwards so that you’re both face to face.

You shake your head and take the opportunity to massage the outline of his dick through his sweatpants. 

He hisses in pleasure and throws his head back against the couch, you experiment by replacing your hand with a roll of your hips.

“Fuck baby, do that again.” His hands help your hips grind back and forth, you fall forward and smash your lips on his. 

He smirks against your lips as your moans get louder with each buck of your hips. He pulls back from your lips and raises your tank top, he leans forward and takes one of your nipples into his mouth. 

“Eren!” You gasp in pleasure and dig your nails into his shoulder. He groans at the sting and gently bites down on the bud.

Your fingers tangle in his hair and you fear that you might come in your pants if he doesn’t let up, not like he would mind that anyway.

He pulls away and places a gentle kiss on your breast before taking the other bud into his mouth to give it equal attention. Your back arches and you feel more of your arousal soak into your panties, you know for a fact that there’s a wet spot on Eren’s pants.

Eren feels like he’s in heaven with the feeling of your hands in his hair and your clothed cunt grinding against him. He pulls off of your nipple with a pop and falls back onto the couch, he takes a moment to catch his breath.

“I’m not too much for you, am I?” He asks in all seriousness, you give him a genuine smile and shake your head in return.

“No Ren, not at all. If I’m uncomfortable then I’ll let you know.” You reassure him and press your forehead against his, craving the feeling of being as close to him as possible.

“I’m gonna touch you now if that’s okay?” He plays with the waistband on your shorts as he waits for an answer. 

You permit him by moving next to him so you can slide your shorts and panties down simultaneously. 

You move to sit back in his lap and he quickly stops you. He lays you back against the pillows on the couch and looks over your body.

“I want to get a good look at you first.” He praises, his eyes take their time as he scans every inch of your body. His dick hardens in his pants at the sight of your wet cunt right in front of him.

“Just a quick taste, yeah?” He asks more himself than you, he spreads your legs and makes eye contact with your heat.

His pink tongue licks a gentle stripe up your clit and you shudder at the feeling. After the positive reaction, he dives deeper into your cunt, and your hands immediately grab the couch. 

His large hands securely grip your thighs and his tongue darts in and out of your dripping hole.

Your back arches off of the couch in response to the immense pleasure between your legs. He moans into your cunt as your juices flow down his throat, he rubs your clit with the pad of his thumb and watches you squirm around.

“E-Eren!” You gasp as you feel your orgasm creep up on you. Eren replaces his tongue with his fingers and licks your sweetness off his lips.

“You gonna come on my fingers, baby? Go ahead, princess.” His long fingers curve upward and you grab his wrist with a sense of urgency.

“I'm gonna cum Ren, f-fuck I wanna cum on you!” He pouts when you stutter and nips at your exposed neck, he places kisses up your neck and stops at your ear.

“You will baby, I want you to cum on my fingers too. I want you nice and wet for me.” He pulls you closer with his free hand and pumps his fingers at a quicker pace.

You pull him into a kiss and moan against his lips as you release on his hand, you bite his lip as you pull away and he removes his fingers from your cunt. 

He slides a finger into his mouth and closes his eyes as he saviors your sweet nectar. You copy his actions and suck on his middle finger, making sure to maintain eye contact with him.

“You’re trying to kill me.” He says jokingly, his dick on the other hand jumps when you pull off of his finger.

“Not quite yet, I still have to return the favor.”

You press against his chest and undo the tie on his pants, your fingers drag along his thighs as you pull his pants and boxers off. 

You watch in awe as his dick springs free and rests on his stomach. You wrap a hand around the base of his cock and massage the base, he sighs in pleasure at the feeling of your soft hand against his warm skin. 

His eyes widen when your thick lips wrap around his sensitive tip, he looks down to see your brown eyes staring into his green ones.

You mentally pat yourself on the back at the look of deep pleasure displayed on his face. You take more of him into your mouth and relax your throat with each inch you

Eren gathers some of your hair and holds it up 

into a makeshift bun, he hisses and watches you in admiration. 

His eyes close tightly and he finds himself gripping the cushions on the couch. The feeling of your wet tongue massaging the veins on his dick has him seeing stars. 

His grip on your hair tightens after you fully take him down your throat. Your moans send vibrations to his dick that spreads pleasure throughout his entire system. 

“Fuck baby girl, you take me so well.” His grip loosens on your hair and he guides your lips up and down his shaft. 

You moan at the salty taste of his precum coating your tongue, you take a look at the man above and squeeze your thighs at the imagery. 

His head is thrown against the back of the couch, his chest heaving up and down as little pants leave his pink lips. His abs flex with each suction of your lips, and his pretty brown hair falls in his face when his eyes meet yours. 

You give him a slight smile and he flashes you a weak one in return, he gently pulls you off his cock and back into his lap. He closes the gap between you both with his lips and sighs into your mouth. He pulls your shirt off and throws it somewhere in the living room. 

You moan passionately as his soft hands roam your body so freely and delicately. He pulls away to catch his breath and gives you a small laugh. 

“Not to ruin the moment, but there’s condoms in my bag.” He rubs your thigh with his thumb and you nod in remembrance. 

“Oh shit, yeah you’re so right. Duh!” You ruffle through his book bag until you find the small aluminum package. 

Tearing it open with your teeth, you raise your hips so you can properly slide it on him. He bites his lip and more precum can be seen dripping from his tip as the condom goes on. 

You throw a leg over his waist and hold onto the back of the couch to maintain balance. He rests his hands on your hips and massages the skin to ease any nerves. 

You lower yourself slowly and gasp at the feeling of his tip nudging its way through your entrance. Eren helps guide you down his shaft at a slow pace, his fingers grip your hips tighter and you moan at the stretch. 

“T-take your time pretty girl. We’ve got all day.” He rubs your cheek with his thumb as your thighs tremble with each inch your pussy swallows. 

You nod your head and focus on getting as much of his thick cock inside of you as you can. Erens mouth falls open at the way your tight heat sucks him in with each movement. You finally bottom out after a few more seconds of pacing yourself, he tangles his fingers with your manicured ones and kisses your hands. 

“You okay?” He wraps a finger around one of your coils and you nod your head in return, he leaves small pecks on your cheeks to ease your mind. 

“You’re a lot um, t-thicker than I imagined.” You sheepishly confess this brings a smirk and chuckle from the man below you. 

“Is that so baby? You’re telling me my confidence didn’t give it away.” He teases, you hit his chest and he thrust upward in retaliation. 

The sensation of his thick tip hitting your sweet spot draws a sultry moan from you. 

“How do we get that sound to happen again?” He experimentally bucks his hips again from under you, you dig your nails into the couch at the stretch from his cock and the pleasure it’s bringing to your body. 

“ ‘Ren! F-feels so good.” You throw your head back as you bounce up and down in his lap. 

The green-eyed man below you watches in content as you set the pace and fuck yourself silly on his hardened cock.  Jolts of pleasure course through his veins, and his heart rate speeds up with each movement of your hips. 

“ c’mere beautiful.” He pulls you into another kiss and pistons his hips upward to fuck against your g-spot. 

He holds you in by the back of your neck when you squirm in pleasure, your whines are swallowed by his groans which only egg him on further. 

On your end, you feel another orgasm building up in your lower stomach. The feeling of satisfaction is drawn out of you each time his thick cock head taps your cervix. Your gummy walls draw him in more each time he fucks into you. 

“I-I’m gonna come Eren! Please don’t s-stop.” You cry out as your second release quickly hits you, you fall limp against his lap and his thrust keeps you moving. 

“Am I too much baby? You’re such a pretty girl.” He compliments you and watches as you try to weakly bounce atop him. 

You shake your head and whimper as you climax against him yet again. 

“I didn’t even do anything that time, I didn’t realize my sweet girl was so sensitive.” He playfully pouts and kisses your cheek delicately. 

“ m-my legs are tired Ren.” You huff and he nods while giving you a sympathetic nod in return. 

“ ‘s okay mama, let your man take care of you, just a little bit longer like this. You feel so good.” He praises through gritted teeth. 

He has you wrap your arms around his shoulders while he holds the sides of your hips. He massages your smooth skin with his palms before controlling the speed of your hips, a low growl leaves his lips as your cunt drips down his eager cock. 

“Oh my god, yes yes fuck!” You cry out as your climax rushes upon you again. 

Any moans that Eren was holding fall out of his mouth as you clench and cream all over his thick shaft. He pumps his cock into you a few more times to ride out your orgasm before pulling out abruptly. 

“Can you handle a little more baby?”

That was the last thing you remember before you awake from a deep slumber. The room around you is dimly lit by your bedroom lamp, which you didn’t even realize you made it to…

Your thoughts are interrupted by Eren peeking his head in the door with a bright smile. You return the gesture and signal for him to join you on the bed. 

“Did you get enough rest? You were out for like 2.5-3 hours.” He holds back a laugh as you look away in embarrassment. 

“Yeah, I think I’m well rested.” You let out a yawn and groan loudly as you stretch, your head turns to look at the time and your eyes widen. 

“8:30?!? Eren you came over at like 1:45! Oh my god, are you hungry?” You rush out of bed and head to your kitchen, only to be surprised by takeout on the table. 

“I told you, dinner and everything else today was on me.” You hear from behind you, you turn around and cross your arms. 

“Well, don’t you just have the answers to everything?” You walk up to him and smile. 

“Yeah, something like that.” 

Ari

[animeficsworld]

The Ending We Deserve

Levi Ackerman x Reader

---

Seeing him in a wheelchair made you knees weak.

Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, Levi Ackerman.

When you left the Survey Corps, Levi and you parted. After many years of working together.

He always assumed you got married, had children or died during an attack.

But you never did.

You never moved on. You always loved him.

And now that the war has ended and you rushed to find him.

You heard news that he died along with the others, you heard news that he survived but was terribly injured and you also heard that he went insane and was locked away.

He didn’t notice you, he was talking to a man while you watched from afar.

You debated during the last couple of days whether you should find him and now, you debated if you should even go up to him. Maybe that old wound should not be reopened.

You watched as the man left with his son and you knew, now or never. 

“Humanity’s strongest watching the sunset.” you said as you walked over to him, he turned and looked at you with a shocked expression. “Before you ask, no, I’m not a ghost.”

“Y/N… how?”

“Mikasa told me everything.”

“Everything?”

You simply nodded before you sat down in front of him on the bench.

“I thought I would never see you. I thought you got married or died.”

“I never got married. It was hard to find another dark midget with a terrible attitude.” he smiled, you knew that you were the only friend of his who was still alive. Actually, more than a friend. “I’m sorry, I got scared and I left. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, idiot. This way at least I didn’t lose you.” you laughed a little.

You looked at the skin as it turned orange and pink.

“I think you know this, but I have always loved you Levi. Ever since I left, every day, I spent worrying about everyone. But I mostly worried about you.”

“They are all gone.”

“Yes, but we are still here. Our lives shouldn’t stop because theirs did. I rent a room closeby, if you want… I can visit tomorrow.”

“Don’t leave. I have a house, stay there with me.” he offered and you could never say no.

—

Almost a year passed since you decided to go back to Levi.

Almost a year since you two found each other and fell back into the same comfortable partnership that you two had years ago.

And almost a month since you two got married.

The wedding was in a small chapel with no one there. Only you two and a priest.

And it was enough. It was more than enough.

Now, with a simple gold band on both of your fingers, you decided to cook lunch, Levi was outside sitting on the bench, watching as the children of the neighbourhood played. 

You heard him enter the room just as you finished with the food.

“Lunch’s ready.” you said and you felt a pair of arms around you, your back met his chest as he put his head into your neck. You stayed like that, allowing him to have his time.

“I want one.” he said in a low voice, you almost didn’t hear him.

“Lunch? I just made some we can eat-”

“No.” you were confused. What could he mean? You tried to think but you couldn’t realize what he meant.

“W-What do you mean? Tea?” you asked after a few minutes.

“A child.” 

Now, that hit you like a cold shower. No, it was more like hitting a wall while going full speed.

“You what? You want a baby?”

“Yes.” his answer was simple. 

“I didn’t know you would… I couldn’t imagine that you would want a baby.” He pulled back and you turned around, you looked into his eyes.

“Sorry, I didn’t think it through. I guess you don’t want to and its okay.”

“It’s not that.” you said quickly before he could move away from you, you put your hand on his chest, holding him there. “I just never could have imagined that you would want one. B-but I think we can. If you really want to. I would love to have a child with you, Levi.” you smiled at him as he placed his forehead against yours.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” you said.

Who could have thought all those years ago that you would have such a happy ending?

Who could have thought that you will have the ending both of you deserved?

[seeingivy]

ahhh congrats on 1K!! you deserve it all :D

for your concert, may I suggest got my mind set on you for eren with a friends to lovers type trope? like maybe eren has a bit of a past as a fuckboy and realizes now that he's in love with his friend. she doesn't believe him given his history, so he is determined to woo her, but really he just needs to show her that he's serious about her (because she has already loved him this whole time hehe). OR whatever you want to do!!

got my mind set on you

eren x f!reader

**part of my debut concert event

content: drinking, reader gets her periods and leaks on her sheets, eren is a manwhore, hitch is a hater, jean and marco are masterminds

an: thank you sweet sweet anon! you deserve all the love in the world. I hope you like it <333

--

“Y/N. White wife-beater or black wife-beater?” 

You peek up from the top of your textbook to glare at him and he has that stupid, stupid grin on his face. The one he uses to get anything he wants. 

“Man. At this point you’re just trying to sound like an asshole.” mutters Jean, taking Armin’s pillow and smacking it straight into his face. 

Mikasa and Armin laugh in response, agreeing as Eren makes his way over to you, flopping on his bed next to you. He’s leaning directly into your space, that musky cologne enveloping your nose as he starts talking. 

“Y/N.” 

“Eren.” 

“Black or white?” 

“Ass or face?” 

“What?” 

“Do you want me to punch you in the ass or in the face?” 

He laughs as he bends over, sticking the aforementioned ass into your space as he knocks your textbook out of your hands and you push him away. And you try to fight the smile trying to make its way on to your face, trying to feign as much anger as you can. 

But you can’t be mad at Eren. You can’t be anything but a jumbled mess of feelings at Eren lately. 

When you moved to college, you were looking forward to getting a fresh start from the town that you grew up in. Not that it was ever a bad place but it was never really a good place either. And you were ready to let it all go, to move away from your parents, to find out who you were. 

And just your luck, the one boy from your highschool going to the same college as you ends up in your orientation group and never leaves you alone after that. Dragging you to random club meetings for free food, taking you to mixers that your RA hosted, trying to sneak into frat parties together. 

At some point, you were just always together. And maybe some small part of you really liked having him around. That he wanted to be your best friend, told you all the little inner workings of his mind instead of someone else. That he thinks the Loch Ness Monster is made up, that he likes the Twilight movie soundtracks a little bit too much, that he loves mystery books. 

And he’s dorky - snorts when he laughs too hard, can’t drink beer without spilling it all over his shirt, and is so weirdly passionate about these little sea animals that he’s spending the entire summer doing an internship at the marine biology research lab at your university. 

But he’s also sweet - trying to memorize all the little facts about you, picking you up from class as a habit, telling you that you’re prettier than some shit guy who won’t come by. 

He’s your friend. Your sweet, secret little dorky friend. No one looks at you. But no one looks at him either. Maybe you guys only look at each other. 

Except when you come back from the summer, his dork is replaced with…charm. Charisma, an appeal, a magnetism. And maybe he was always really charming, but no one paid attention to it. It was just for you. 

But now they do - because he’s grown out his soft brown hair into this sunkissed loose man bun and spending all summer swimming in tidepools has defined his muscles. Because he was always gangly and a little awkward but one summer has him looking fit, in all the right places. 

That’s when it starts raining on your parade. Because when you and Eren go to parties, you’re talking to him less and the girl who's drunk and throwing up in the bathroom more. He’s too busy talking to the pretty girls, twirling their locks of hair in his hands and batting his pretty eyelashes at them. 

And he still picks you up from class with an iced coffee in hand, except the barista scribbled her name over your cup because she wants Eren to call her later. And you know Eren leans into it, because this newfound attention only gives him confidence to show off more. 

To tell girls about the creepy little slugs he spent all summer looking for so they can coo over how cute it is that he cares, to show off those ridiculously defined muscles, to gleam at people the way he does. 

You’re interrupted by your train of thought as Historia, the girl Eren met at a club meeting knocks on the door, shining sunlight at Eren as she smiles at him. And when he flicks the top of your forehead and stands up to press a kiss to her cheek and run out with her, you stick your face back into your textbook. 

And pretend it doesn’t sting. 

You peer over your notebook again to find Jean hanging upside down on the bunk, his eyes staring into yours. 

“Hi Y/N.” 

“Hi Jean. The blood is rushing to your head. You look like an overly ripe tomato.” 

He laughs as he flops off the bunk and next to you, leaning his head in to read your textbook. 

“A tort is a civil law that causes a claimant to suffer loss or….this shit is so fucking boring.” 

He snatches the textbook away from your clutches and flings it off the bed, giving an innocent smile as he does. 

“I was reading that.” 

“And now you’re not!” 

“Do you want something from me, Jean?” 

“Yeah. Let’s go on a date.” 

“You have a boyfriend.” 

“Yeah. It was his idea.” 

He pulls you up by the wrists as you both shuffle out of Armin and Eren’s dorm room, giving half-hearted goodbyes to Mikasa and Armin as he dragged you back to your hal. Trying to convince you to go on a date with him. 

“No.” 

“Listen. You make this mopey sad face whenever he brings a girl around. It’s really ugly.” 

“Thanks, Jean. You’re such a gentleman.” 

He pinches the bridge of his nose as he swings your door open, the two of you flopping onto your bed. 

“I just mean- I hate that you wait around for him. And Marco does too. I think it would be nice. For me to take you out, to make you feel special, to remind you that you don’t have to hopelessly pine over that idiot and wait for him to look at you back.” 

“Jean, I just-” 

He stands up, locking his fingers with yours, as he tries to use his boyish charm on you. And it’s entirely different from Eren’s. Where Eren oozes pure charisma, like you can’t help but give in because you just want to know what he’s getting at. 

Jean’s charm is more…boyish. Innocent. Because he’s smiling at you, all soft and genuine. Like you want to give in because you know he means well. It’s sweet. So you agree.

--

“Eren.” 

“Hm?” 

“Pink dress or white skirt?” 

You hold up the options as Eren looks at you for the first time - even though he’s been in your dorm for the past three hours texting Historia in your bed - and squints at you. 

“Are you wearing makeup?” 

“Yeah. I’m going on a date.” 

He stands up, placing his hands on your cheek as he moves your face around in the air, taking in the product on your face. A soft glitter on your eyelids, black around your eyes that makes your eyes look infinitely bigger, and soft pink on the tops of your cheeks. 

“With who?” 

“Well, Jean for now. But it’s practice before I start going on real dates you know?” 

“You’re going on dates? Why?” 

You roll your eyes as you turn back in the mirror, holding up the options to your frame as you weigh what to wear. 

“Because. I want to get out there and I’m like…deeply touch starved or whatever. I just want someone told hold me or something. And it feels weird to do it cold turkey so Jean’s taking me.” 

“You could have asked me. I could take you.” 

You roll your eyes as you push past him, reaching for your flowery perfume that you spray on for special occasions. Eren’s leaning against your bedpost, his eyes scrunched up in frustration that for some reason is really annoying you. 

“You have a girlfriend.” 

“Hisu’s not my girlfriend. We’re just talking.” 

“Okay, yeah. Same thing.” 

“Jean has a boyfriend.” 

“This was Marco’s idea, Eren. He’s not going to care if I actually go on it and I think he’s probably the one who bought the flowers Jean’s going to bring me.” 

You hold the two options up in the air again, boring your eyes into Eren’s as you gesture for him to respond again. 

“I’m not picking.” 

“I literally pick your date outfits for you all the time. You could pick for me.” 

And Eren mutters something that sounds like pink under his breath which you smile brightly at as you duck into your closet to slip the dress on. And when it’s all fresh and pressed against your skin, there’s a knock on your door and a very smiley Jean waiting for you. 

As you predicted, he’s holding a pretty bouquet of pink flowers in his hand, wearing a nice buttoned up shirt as opposed to his usual lame t-shirts. 

“Hi. Don’t you look pretty?” 

He reaches for your wrist and lifts your hand up to spin you around, the pleats of your dress whooshing in the air and a stupid laugh falling out of your lips. 

“Jean. You’re laying it on a little thick there.” 

He shakes his head dismissively as he places the bouquet on your desk, giving a small nod to Eren as he walks back to you, pinching the side of your cheek. 

“You’re getting the full Jean Kirschtein experience. I have to set the bar high so you don’t settle for a whole idiot or anything.” 

And Eren watches you and he hates it. That he has this angry, green little monster simmering in his chest. That you’re smiling at Jean, that he’s taking you on a date to set your standards, that you’re wearing a pretty dress and laughing with someone who isn’t him. 

And he knows it’s wrong. That he has no right to be jealous when he’s talked to other girls ever since the summer ended while you’ve remained steadfast and true. And it wasn’t like you were staying true to him because Eren’s positive that you don’t feel that obligation, that loyalty to him, but some part of him feels like you do. Or wishes that you do. 

But suddenly…he’s feeling it for you. That he shouldn’t be with anyone but you, that he’s the person who should be taking you on cute dates, twirling you around in pretty dresses, having you spread glitter all over your face for him. 

Eren texts Historia as he watches you and Jean duck out the door. 

“Uh huh, Kirschtein. I’m sure this is gonna be the best date of my life.”

“That’s a promise, baby girl.” 

“Ew. Baby girl?” 

“Do you prefer sweetheart instead?” 

“You’re so fucking corny, Jean.”  

And when the door closes, he sends the text. 

I want to see other people. Sorry Hisu.  

--

You return from your date with Jean to find Eren slumped over in your bed, typing away on his laptop. Your roommate, Hitch, is glaring bloody murder at you as she flits her eyes over to his direction. 

“Eren.” 

“Ah. You’re back. How was it?” 

“What are you doing in my room? I left hours ago.” 

“Just wanted to see you when you got back. And I was spending time with my best friend, Hitch. She’s just so riveting to talk to and I just love her so much.” 

She throws her portable fan at his head, which he catches before it makes contact and then throws it back at her.

“I’ll walk you back to yours, Eren. And you’re buying Hitch coffee as an apology.” 

He rolls his eyes as he grabs his bag, blowing fake kisses to Hitch as she flips him off. You’re both trodding through the hall, the building quiet. It’s Friday night. Everyone’s partying. 

“Didn’t want to party tonight, Eren?” 

“Nah. Didn’t feel like it. How was your date?” 

You smile as you twiddle with your fingers. 

It was nice. To feel special, to have someone tell you that you were pretty. And sure he didn’t mean it in that way and it was entirely platonic, but it was nice to have someone look at you. Who wants to make you feel special, try to coax you into doing things you don’t usually do. 

And you’re positive it’ll feel even better when the feelings are reciprocated. 

“Really nice, Eren. I’m excited to…meet people. Date them. Have someone make me feel special, tell me I’m pretty.” 

“You’re pretty.” 

You look over to find Eren’s cheeks burning pink, the tips of his ears red as he avoids eye contact with you. 

“Thank you?” 

“Ye-yeah. Sure.” 

You make it to Eren’s door and he swings the door open, dragging you in by the wrist. From the looks of it, Armin’s not home, Eren’s desk light flickering on the desk. He drags you to his bed, the two of you sitting on his plush duvet. 

“Eren. I was just walking you here. I’m kind of tired from the painting.” 

“You went painting?” 

“Yeah. It was like a pottery type thing. We picked out mugs and just painted on them. Talked about stuff. Shared an ice cream together after. Jean and Marco gave me very sweet kisses on the cheek when I dropped him back off to his dorm.” 

Eren pushes his hand through his hair as he asks, the question making the air in his throat burn. 

“Ah. Would you ever…go on a date with me?” 

And you laugh. Quite literally laugh, because he cannot be serious. 

“God, Eren. Don’t be a cliche right now.” 

“What?” 

“You see your best friend go on a date with another guy and suddenly you’re interested in her. It’s like every corny rom-com.” 

You lean forward, pinching the plush of his cheek. 

“You just want what you can’t have, Eren. I’ve been waiting for you to notice me for two years. And of course, you only look at me when you can’t have me.” 

“Wait, but I-” 

“Eren. I want someone who makes me feel special. And you’ve always been special to me, but I want to be special to someone too. Let’s not make our friendship weird. And hey, maybe we can actually be equals this time.” 

“Equals?” 

“Two people who care about each other the same amount. Not one person hopelessly pining over the other.” 

You give his cheek one last pinch as you pad out his door, giving him a smile before you slam the door shut. 

--

The next morning, Eren’s standing outside your Civil Law lecture with a coffee in hand. And a shy smile pressed across his face. 

“Good morning, Y/N.” 

“Hi Eren.” 

Despite your admission of your feelings and your swift rejection of Eren, he’s still standing here. And you were expecting it, because you know that Eren wasn’t really saying any of that in earnest. And it’s nice to admit your feelings, as a way of letting them go before you give in and like someone else. 

You take the cup from his hand and shove the much needed caffeine into your mouth, the two of you strolling to your next class. You look over to find Eren with a pinched look on his face, like he’s constipated. 

“Eren.” 

“Hm?” 

“Cat got your tongue? What’s wrong with you?” 

“You didn’t…look at the cup.” 

You look back down at the cup to find handwriting scribbled on it in green sharpie. 

you look pretty today, sweet girl 

You laugh, holding it up in the air. 

“No way. The barista called you a sweet girl? It’s that long ass hobo hair you have.” 

“What? That wasn’t the barista, that was me!” 

“You wrote on the cup? Why?” 

“For you, stupid! I’m trying to romance you.” 

You spit the coffee straight into your cup, looking back down at the cup again. And holy shit he’s right - the way the g is looped and the writing is slanted, it really is Eren’s handwriting. 

“Eren.” 

“What?” 

“It’s cute. But you’re going to do it for like one week. And then get bored of waiting and see some pretty girl at a party and change your mind.” 

“I’m not! You’re it for me.”

“Eren. Bullshit. You wouldn’t last a month.” 

He leans forward, pressing you into the hard of the wall as he looks down, green eyes glinting in yours. 

“Bet.” 

“What?” 

“I’ll bet on it. Prove it to you. That I’ve got my mind set on you.” 

“Uh huh. That takes a lot of patience, Eren. Time. Something that’s never been your forté.” 

“I’ll make it my forté, if it’s for you.” 

You give into the bet. A month for Eren to romance you, to prove that he’s really only got his mind set on you. 

You give in because you know you’ll win. He gives in because he wants to prove the stupid, silly girl he loves that he can do it right. 

--

eren: good morning silly little woman. fit check pls :D 

you: no. 

eren: cmon. ive got back to back classes and im missing that cute little face of yours :((( 

you: just ask ur hoes. im sure they’re cute too. 

eren: no hoes. im allergic to gardening. 

you: you should start stand up comedy. you’d be really good at it.  

eren: you want me so bad 

you: shut up

eren: im waiting!!!! time is ticking doll, i will show up to your club meeting and start gushing about how pretty my girlfriend is in front of all your little prospective club members if i don’t get a fit check in ten seconds

you: not your girlfriend 

eren: yet. three weeks to go. 

you: do you not have anything else to do?

eren: picture and i’ll be out of your hair. 

you: sent one attachment

eren: eren jaeger found dead at twenty-one.

you: thank god. 

eren: cause of death - the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen in my life. absolute heartstopper

you: EREN. YOU’RE SO GROSS AND CORNY STOP. 

eren: ok ok see you after class sweet girl. and thanks for the picture. corniness aside, it really did make my day. you’re my favorite thing to look at. 

You ignore the pounding in your chest as you throw your phone into your purse and head to the coffee shop. And what you hoped would be an uninterrupted study session is interrupted by a certain green eyed idiot, smiling at you as he takes the seat across from you. 

“Hi doll.” 

“Eren. You have class.” 

“Got canceled. The planets and the fates and all the stars aligned. You and me, free for a little study date at the same time.” 

You crinkle your nose as you lift your backpack from the seat next to you, Eren sliding in and taking a sip from your watered down coffee. 

“Did you just rhyme? How long did that one take you?” 

“The whole walk over here. Did you like it?” 

“No.” 

Eren opens up his laptop, the two of you working in silence. And in the smallest of ways, Eren’s making it hard for you to focus. 

Tangling his legs with yours under the desk, resting his hand on your thigh every time you work out one of your homework problems with him, tucking your hair behind your ear every time it annoyingly flops forward. 

“Oh! I have something for you.” 

He holds out a tiny little candy, a twisted mango strawberry pop. The one you can only get in Shiganshina, a four hour drive away. 

“What the fuck? You had Mindy’s the entire time and your greedy ass wasn’t sharing?” 

You take the little candy in his hand, twisting the ends open and letting the flavors melt on your tongue. And the nostalgia hits your head, running in the grass as a kid, your mom keeping a little box on the top of the microwave for you two to share at the end of the day. 

“Just got them. I drove all the way to Shiganshina to get them for you.” 

“Uh huh.” 

“I’m being serious. I went on Sunday, after my lab meeting. Got the box, hung out with my dog for an hour and came back.” 

“You were probably just running an errand down there. I bet Zeke just needed your help with something.” 

“My parents and Zeke are in Hizuru, remember?” 

You feel your mouth go dry as you shuffle the candy in your mouth, huffing back in your chair. Corny ass idiot. They are in Hizuru to meet Zeke’s new girlfriend. But there’s no way in hell he drove all the way there just to get you a candy. 

“There’s no way you-”

“I’ve got my mind set on you. In my mind, you and I are already dating. I’m just kind of waiting for you to catch up.” 

“Oh, quit i-” 

“When you’re my girlfriend, we’ll go together. Make a little drive out of it, see your parents and my parents. Get Mindy’s. Bother that lady who works at the aquarium.” 

“Eren.” 

He pinches your cheek as you frown, rolling your eyes at him. 

“For now, I'll just drive down there alone to get you candy. Three more weeks, stink.” 

--

Your stress is building. You’ve got two term papers due next week, a club meeting to plan, a project to go over with your research advisor, and groceries to do. And really, really all you are is bone dead tired. That you can feel your bones dragging and your eye bags deepening and the panic shuffling every time you breathe in and out. 

Your final straw? Forgetting you were going to get your period and leaking onto your bed sheets. 

And you know it’s not a big deal. That you can wash the sheets and get the stain out, that you can take a shower to feel better. 

But this tiny little thing, this red blotch on your sheets, is enough to push you over the edge. Because you’re tired, because so much is going on, because this is just another thing you don’t have time to do but have to. 

You can feel the tears streaming down your eyes, burning the sensitive skin underneath your eyes and flushing your cheek. 

That’s when Eren finds you. Curled up on the ground, tears streaming down your eyes. 

“Woah, hey. Hey, talk to me. What’s wrong?” 

He falls flat on the floor next to you, opening up his arms which you roll into and start soaking his shirt in your salty tears. He’s whispering into your ear, whispering sweet nothings and his warm arms are holding you. 

“Tell me what happened. Use your words.” 

“I-I have a lot to do. The Civil Law paper and the entire plan for the-the club meeting. Dr. Smith wants to meet with me about my-my research plan and I’m not ready and I got my period and leaked on my sheets and I don’t have time to clean and-” 

“Okay. It’s okay.” 

His warm, calloused hands are rubbing into the small of your back, his hold still firm against you. And he drags you up, opening the shower and warming it up for you. He’s rummaged through your closet - pulled out a stack of clothes and set them on the counter. 

“Are you…going to leave?” 

“Of course not, Y/N. Outside when you’re done, okay?” 

And you take the shower. Spend too long standing underneath the warm water, letting the shower scald your skin in a comforting way, relishing in the smell of your springy body soap washing you clean. Of the tears, of the blood, of your frustrations. 

When you towel up your hair and reach for the stack of clothes on the counter, you only now realize what this cheeky bastard did. Left a pair of your pajamas and the hoodie he was wearing on the counter. 

You pull it on, his musky smell mixing with the scent of your flowery shampoo, as you pad out of your room, Eren folding your laundry on your bed. 

“Eren.” 

He turns around and gives you a warm smile, walking forward to lock his fingers with yours. 

“You look so cute right now. Pouty little face and your hair in this stupid towel.” 

“Quit it.” 

He leads you over to your bed, climbing on as he pulls you forward. 

“Cleaned the sheets. Did your laundry. And made a plan for you to finish the paper and emailed Erwin from your account that you’re not free until the week after and-” 

You can feel your eyes burning, the tears welling up in your face. You lean into his arms and he rests his chin against the top of your head, his hands snaking under your hoodie to press against your cold skin. 

“Eren.” 

“Hm.” 

“This is a really elaborate plan to get into my pants.” 

He laughs, the sound vibrating through his chest as he talks. 

“I know.” 

“I knew it, you dick. You only want to get in my pants.”  

“Well, that’s part of it. I am very attracted to you. I’m not going to pretend like I don’t want to be in your pants.” 

“Charming. The whole “I’ve got my mind set on you thing” is really working.” 

“I'm being honest! I want to be in your pants and in your head and all your little dreams and your heart too.” 

You rest your head against his chest, his heartbeat hammering against your ears as he finishes talking. And when you drift off to sleep, you can still feel it beating in tandem with yours. And try to forget why you and Eren are waiting two weeks to do this for real in the first place. 

--

He’s done it now. And you’ve caught him in the fucking act. The sweet, sweet satisfaction of proving this idiot wrong - that he would get bored of waiting for you and move onto another girl is standing right in front of you. 

It’s Eren’s friend Reiner’s birthday. Eren had told you in advance that he couldn’t see you Friday and you obliged. 

Except, Hitch invited you to the party the day of, claiming she needed someone to walk in with so she didn’t look like an idiot. Some guy Marlowe she’s really into is going to be there and she has to be at her best. 

And when you get to the party, you lose Hitch in all but five seconds, left in this awkward, sweaty mess of a room alone. But when you walk over to the kitchen, you see it. 

Eren leaning over the counter, talking to a girl. Short brown hair, a mass of freckles over her face, the two of them smiling at each other. And when you march over there, you’re all but too happy to rub it in his face. 

Because you’re right. And you knew you were right. That Eren, all hot and toned and sexy from his beach summer, would not give it up. The attention, the girls, the love he gets from all of it for you. That he would look at other things and not at you, that you couldn’t be enough for him. And he can buy you coffee and do your laundry and be there for you all he wants, but you know deep down you’re right. 

“You little son of a bitch. Week three and I win.” you say, crossing your hands over your chest. 

“Huh?” 

“I win. You’re at a party, flirting with a girl. Meaning, you don’t have your mind set on me. Meaning, I’m right. That you can’t let go of being a manwhore for me, that you surely have your eyes wandering elsewhere even though you claim to be only looking at me.” 

“Y/N-” 

“You think driving to get me candy and doing my laundry and giving me your hoodie would buy me over? You’re not getting into my pants for a quick fuck just because you know you can and-” 

He pulls you forward, clamping his hand over your mouth. He’s squinting his eyes at you, almost like he’s confused at your outburst. And when you look over at the girl, you realize why. 

It’s Ymir. The president of the Gay-Straight Alliance Ymir. Like literally the gayest girl you’ve probably ever met in your life. 

“Oh.” 

Eren smiles, rolling his eyes, as he drops his hands to lock his hand with yours. 

“Yeah, oh. Did you not see it was her when you walked over?” 

“No. Hi Ymir.” 

Ymir smiles, reaching forward to mess with your hair as she turns to Eren. 

“You’re right. She really is stubborn.” Ymir says, smiling at him. 

“Tell me about it. She does this every time I do something nice for her.” he responds, squeezing your hand as he talks. 

“Well, you are a manwhore.” 

“Not anymore, Ymir! I’m only a whore for her.” 

She pinches your cheek as she walks off, linking arms with a certain blonde as you walk away. And when you look over, Eren’s lazily making a drink for you on the counter, swirling it in his hand before he gives you the cup. 

“It’s Jungle Juice. There’s like three different liquors in it but you can’t really taste it s-”

“You’re not mad?” 

“Huh?” 

“I just…yelled at you. Really unfairly. And you’re not even mad?” 

“Got my mind set on you. Like you said, this thing takes patience. And time. I’ll wait for it. You’ll come to see I’m surprisingly good at this patience understanding when it’s something I really, really want.” 

And as he tilts his head back, pouring the drink into his mouth, like the entire outburst you had didn’t happen. And that’s it. You crane your head around the kitchen, looking for it. 

“Whatcha looking for?” 

Eren watches you mill around the kitchen, opening drawers, lifting picture frames as you look for it. And when you find it - the calendar posted on Reiner’s wall - you rip it off and place it in front of Eren with a marker in your hand. 

“What’s this, Y/N?” 

“Did you know that I can move time forward?” 

“Huh? How much have you had to drink?” 

You reach forward, crossing out through the entire week. The last week of the month, for the bet you and Eren had. 

Because he’s convinced you. That his mind’s set on you. That even if he used to like other girls, the girl he likes now is you. Enough to drive hours to make you happy, take care of you - bloody sheets and all, and gush at a party about you to other people. Like he’s proud to be around you, like you’re the only thing he looks at. 

“I don’t follow, sweet girl.” 

“The bet started three weeks ago. And I crossed out the last week, so it’s over now. And I want to be with you no-” 

He leans forward, pressing his warm, plush lips against yours as he can’t help but smile through the kiss. All warm and fruity, surely from the drink Eren just made. And he whispers against your mouth, eliciting a laugh out of you. 

“Thank fucking god. You were driving me insane, you little heathen.” 

You reach forward, tangling your hands with the collar of his shirt as you pull him down again, pressing your lips against his, trying to memorize the feel, the sensation of him against you. 

And when Hitch comes home from the party, all buzzed, to find you two under the covers, watching a movie, she says one thing and one thing only. 

“No fucking in my bed.”

--

taglist: @platrom @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha @daisynik7 @rebeccawinters ​@itzmeme 

[appleblueberry-pie]

Do I Have to Shout for You to Notice Me?

She doesn't like attracting attention to herself. It doesn't really matter much to her what others think about her. It's all the same anyways. So, she tries limiting her energy to the people that deserve it most. Her workers, rarely her peers, and mostly to the people that matter to her most. Armin, Levi, and.....maybe she's not trying her best. You were everything somebody wants in a partner. You're talkative, great at communicating and giving attention, pretty attractive, strong and smart. It only makes sense you'd be taken, right? It's hard for her to come up with an excuse for why she won't just walk up to you.

Maybe it's because you'd push her away...? But you're very welcoming to almost everyone, which is one of the reasons for why she loves you. Maybe you'd attract that unnecessary attention to not only yourself, but to her as well. She doesn't want people to be in both of your business if she does end up finally talking to you for once. She can be stronger than this. But around you, her identity means nothing. At least, that's how it feels.

Now she's making excuses again.

It seems like the man from last week didn't learn his lesson. She thought he had learned to keep his words to himself last time. Guess not. He's flirting with you and attempting to sneak little touches on you. The way he stares at you makes her stomach turn. He talks to you like he's trying to prove a stupid point. Not only should he not even be alive, but that should be her telling you what you deserve to hear. She should be the one staring at you like he is.

And for the millionth time, she sighs with a heartache in her chest. What does it take for someone like her to be noticed by someone like you? How many filthy perverts does she have to kill for you to notice she's only been protecting you this entire time? How many breakdowns does she need to have alone for you to realize she's getting eyebags? How many titans does she have to kill for you to realize she's meant to protect you? Have you in her arms? For her to be in your arms?

Annie's legs are storming towards the both of you before it even registers in her head. All of this waiting and stupid self-talk riled her up. She's sick of waiting and sick of being on the sidelines. You're hers. Not his, not the next guys, and not even in the next life should anyone have a chance to be with you but her. People stop their conversations and turn to see her storming through the cafeteria. They see the angered look in her eyes, her cheeks red with fury and stiff shoulders. Her boots thump loudly against the wooden floor, her eyes trained on the man touching your arm. Time's moving too slow, but her mind works too fast, filling in the blanks enough for her to focus her gaze on her target.

And before she can bring her hand up to strike him, he's already been thrown halfway across the room. Annie moves out of the way of the flying body, only to see him land on a table not too far away.

Silence.

Some people go stiff at the scene, others begin to stand to see what the ruckus is. The man loudly collides with a table full of food, the weak wooden material collapsing under his weight, causing the concoction of food and wood to topple on top of him.

It goes silent as everyone turns to see Mikasa huffing and puffing, standing where the man once was. Annie sees that look in her eyes....one that only few have seen. Annie looks back over at you, only to feel and see Mikasa's piercing gaze go right through her. Both fear and anger course through Annie's body. Was she caught? Would she be next?

Did Mikasa have something going on with you?

When she tried to take a step forward, her mind told her no. The more she looked at Mikasa, the more it felt like she was being taunted, even in this fraction of a second. And that girl wasn't one to hesitate to act. Annie purses her lips, taking an instinctual step back. Then she takes another before completely leaving the cafeteria.

You slowly turn over to Mikasa, not knowing what to say. This has happened too many times for you to count. How do you give her an excuse to not animalistically kill the man that was clearly trying to get with you? She grunts in anger before attempting to storm over to where the man was, as if she wasn't done with him. You immediately grab her with the best of your strength, calling her out her name. She finally looks at you, with that fire in her eyes. Before you can even flinch, she softens her gaze, finally relaxing some. "Mikasa....."

Everyone stares at the both of you. Judgmental, fearful, and confused eyes all on you. She's never been the type to care for attention, unless it was yours. But you were worried. She had to stop taking her anger out on other folks like this. But no matter how many times you tell her, she does the same every time. She doesn't listen.

"I'm sorry."

I mean, it's not like you'd find it in you to be mad at her for too long.

A/N: It's been too long. I lowkey have writers block, unfortunately. But this was good after a long time of not writing in my opinion. I'm gonna open my asks again. And deadass, if you like the last of us 2, please PLEASE give me ideas for abby. bc i don't know. And I KNOW you guys read these, so if you read my RULES the ones I set, you'll know this is definitely not getting a part 2 sorry.

[jjkeremika]

talk down to me

armin arlet x fem!reader (NSFW)

armin likes when you talk down to him. interestingly enough, it seems to be a kink reserved for you.

you assumed it was something his ex manipulated him into. you’ve met his ex-girlfriend, the one with the emotionless expression and the beady eyes, the one who looked like she wanted to punch you when you ran into her once. it wouldn’t have surprised you if she had been the one to belittle him in bed, antagonize and shame the bright minded man; the one who must have convinced him it was something he deserved, feeling shameful and alone.

but instead it was the change in your tone, the lower octave reserved for when you tsked him, when he said the wrong things and made the wrong choices.

“armin,” you started, hands on your hips, feet solid on the floor, staring at him with a new light in your eyes—brighter than polaris in the night sky. “in the nicest way, are you stupid? what were you thinking?” you asked him in that disapproving tone, the not good enough attitude. “were you even thinking? that was really bad, armin, you could get in serious trouble for that.”

the corner of his mouth twitched subtly, threatening a smile as his brain sent a signal to his heart, ordered his dick to hoard the blood supply, to double its size.

“stupid for you,” was all he said, his eyes shadowing with an unmet need and a newly unveiled desire. his hands moved to his own neck, started tugging on and removing his tie.

you thought nothing of it. “no, clearly you’re just stupid. intelligent, but crazy stupid. you could be killed! erwin and levi don’t stop at just imprisoning traitors.” you shifted uncomfortably at the thought of losing armin, felt your heart stop at having called your kind, loving, loyal boyfriend a traitor (which, he was technically a traitor to the scouts, selling secrets to the military police, but, still).

armin’s hands reached for his belt, easily slid it off as he spoke, “call me stupid again.” he dropped the belt to the floor, took a step towards you. “im serious, y/n. call me stupid. dumb. incompetent.” he pulled his shirt off by the collar, his tasteful developing abs on display, his trained yet relatively thin physique salivatingly appetizing. his warm hand cupped your cheek. “i want you to.”

“minnie, i, i don’t know,” you stuttered, the foreign idea unsettling, and he smiled eagerly at the endearing nickname.

“baby, please.” he pressed a slow, light kiss to each cheek. “you usually speak of me so highly.” he kissed your forehead and nose. “but i like when you’re above me.” he knelt onto the ground, his hands coming up to and caressing your thighs. “in more ways than one.”

his mouth started trailing up your exposed thighs, each kiss tickling and evoking a giggle. he sucked on the spot below your shorts, biting at the fabric and moving his hands to hold onto the waistband.

he pressed his mouth to your covered crotch, the fabric uncomfortable on his tongue but the smell of you peeking through was divine.

you felt his smirk at your airy chuckle. “oh, min, baby,” you moaned softly, one hand running through his hair while the other rested on his shoulder.

“come on, baby, please,” he pleaded, lightly biting at your crotch, a new and awkward and intriguing sensation given the protection of the fabric.

“too stupid to undo my pants?” you asked unsurely with a red blush, feeling the uncomfortable heat building inside as you acclimated to this new role he wanted you to play.

he looked up at you with the widest, brightest smile and the most dilated, sultry eyes you’ve ever seen. on anyone. and you’ve seen the way eren gawks at mikasa. that means something.

“oh fuck yeah, baby, thank you.”

you smiled as his hands started playing with the button on your shorts, pulling the zipper down and swiftly slipping the shorts off. his mouth connected with your underwear-covered crotch, just above your lips, his open mouth covering your clit to the tip of the short hairs.

“oh, baby,” you admonished, your hands tightening in his hair, “use that pretty head, love, the panties come off too.” you were breathing with an open mouth. your stomach was churning as your brain struggled to find what to say, what dirty talk he’ll respond to.

he did what you told, and you purred out a soft, “good boy. so so good. learn so well all things considered.”

he chortled and smiled against your clit, the vibration sending shivers up your spine, settling the nervousness at being good for him, at being enough for him, at titillating him to completion.

“start thinking of punishments for me, love,” his voice, muffled from his position against your groin, sounded through your ears, “because i’m about to cum so fucking fast.”

[justevelynnnn]

ocean boy.

notes: something a little different. i got inspired by this one fic abt armin seeing an old friend after everything happened so here i am. not proofread😭

also takes place in the actual aot world a year after the rumbling.

context: old childhood friend armin x fem reader (reader is implied to be dark skinned)

you used to be part of the Scouts or Survey corps or whatever a few years ago.

When you look around your new home you think back to those days. Once Eren was captured by Bertholt and Reiner you took it upon yourself to just abandon the team. It became too much. You found a way down and off the wall and took off. So much was going on you knew you were crazy for joining in the first place.

And from what you’ve seen and heard it only got worse.

You now reside in what used to be the Stohess district. The new members of the Garrison, plus some of the old ones who survived, was the only current authority around. It’s been a year since the scary events of the rumbling. When the news came back of the aftermath of the rumbling you couldn’t help but have a panic attack. Imagining all those innocent people, children and pets, getting crushed alive? They say 80% of people died.

And yet here you were. One of the lucky 20% of people.

Did you think you deserved it? No. Not after possibly leaving your friends worried sick. They probably thought you fell off the wall and died or got crushed under the armored titans feet during the fight.

You felt bad for not announcing your departure especially during a moment like that. But what else could you have done? Everyone was so caught up on being this brave warrior willing to give up their lives…

That wasn’t you and it never was.

You only joined the Scouts because they provided food and shelter for refugees back when wall maria was breached. You, Armin, Eren and Mikasa were too young at first but then finally you guys were 12 and able to sign up. At first you didnt really want to. It seemed scary. Even the other options like the Military police or the garrison seemed a bit much.

In the end no one forced you to. Aside from the promised food and proper shelter you only joined for one person….

Armin.

From the day you moved to Shiganshina to when you met Armin you were picked on for looking “different”. You noticed even at a young age you were different and so you were lonely. People were weary of you. But that was until you met Armin. He was sitting under a tree reading a book and you hesitatingly approached him hoping for a new possible friendship.

He was startled at first when you tapped his shoulder but then calmed down. He quietly observed you but you quickly mistakenly took it as him being like everyone else when he was just curious. As you turned to leave he grabbed you hand and told you that you were beautiful. More than anything he’s read about the outside world.

Little did he know that’s exactly where you were from. However you never told him that.

Armin told you about his secret book and everything he saw in it. You knew about most of the stuff already but to see him so excited brought a smile to your face. Especially when he talked about the ocean. He loved the ocean so much when you told your grandma about him you called him “Ocean boy”. It wasn’t just because he loved the ocean though but also because his eyes were as blue and deep as the ocean itself.

You really liked his eyes. Back at home no one had blue eyes.

He was also smart and kind hearted and not like most boys. You didn’t know why you liked being around him so much but you did.

You were happy someone was treating you like you belonged and even more happy his friends were the same. He introduced you after a few weeks of talking and laughing and being children. It was green eyes boy and a black haired girl. Eren,the boy with green eyes, seemed stand off ish at first but he was still nice to you and Mikasa,the girl, was basically your new bestie. When Armin was busy it was you and Mikasa either playing with each others hair or dolls.

Everything was great until that one horrible day.

The day Maria fell.

It was so so scary. Your Grandma brought you inside the walls to be save. There were some eldians back where you lived sneaking in somehow and brought titans with them. You assumed they swam?

Your parents went missing as the town went into a panic at seeing a real titan so your Grandma moved you into Shiganshina to escape.

But she didn’t survive that day.

You lost her and couldn’t find her in the crowds of screaming people but deep down you knew she was gone. You and Mikasa cried over your losses on the boat while Armin comforted you both and Eren declared to kill all the titans.

Yes, Eren was a fighter. And Armin was a dreamer. And Mikasa was a lover and a strong soul. But who were you? What was your purpose other than following then around?

You never wanted to fight those stupid scary things. You never cared about the theories and the secret truth to titans. You just wanted to hide anyway and pray they all just disappeared or leaves you guys alone for once.

Then Eren was a titan too. You felt like life wasn’t real for years.

There was real trauma you developed from this all. When you quit the scouts you wanted to be sure no one found you so you ran to Wall sina and lived in the underground under the Stohess district working at all bar.

You made just enough working there and occasionally stealing and reselling some things do you don’t have to turn to prostitution. You lived in a shitty tiny home with 4 other random people so you guys could split rent and go about your days. Sometimes you snuck out to get fresh air and sunlight.

Days turned into months and months into years. You were now a young woman wondering what was happening on the outside. You got most of your news from word of mouth but also an occidental rare newspaper. That’s how you got updates on the scouts and marley and the rumbling…

You learned after everything was over that Eren and his brother started the whole thing and Armin was the one to finally end Eren. Things slowly went back to as normal as it could be.

Everyone had to move about ground to try and rebuild life. For now rent and food was free so you were trying to enjoy that but you couldn’t shake the depression from knowing 80% of the world was now flat and dead. Why were you here? You’re a coward, a loser.

Armin saved the world from extinction and always had these big crazy dreams and was highly intelligent. What would he think of you now?

As the town attempted to rebuild for another day and clean up a Garrison member announces that a member of the Scouts is coming by the speak to a couple residents and that everyone needs to get inside immediately and be quiet. Simple protocol for when one of the special group people like that stop by.

You go into your new tiny home where you live alone. The town was quiet as everyone was indoors. You just sit drinking tea in your kitchen waiting for the day to pass but then you hear. .. a knock?

But you were being quiet! You leave the kitchen preparing to deal with a Garison member. You collect yourself as you open the door…

When the door is opened you did not expect to see what you saw in front of you…

“…..Armin?”

Oddly enough, you feel more fear than surprise.

In front of you was a boy who slightly towered you. No, a man who slightly towards you. A blonde, blue eyed, softer but stern looking man. He wore a white button down and brown pants. Clothes only higher ups could afford now.

He stared.

And stared.

Like he’s holding his breath, like he’s re living something crazy and couldn’t believe his eyes. And then finally,

“Y/n.”

You wondered why he was here. How he was here. This..was the Scout coming to town?

“How..what..?” Is all you can say. You then notice your appearance isn’t too clean.

You wear a plain green dress that’s probably a couple decades old and your hair hasn’t been brushed properly in weeks.

“………May..i come in?” The man softly asked snapping you out of your embarrassment. Of course you move out the way as he slowly steps inside.

“Armin….” You begin to say. But then realize, what CAN you say? Why you left? Did you miss him?

He looks around like he’s studying the place.

The house was obviously abandoned during the height of everything. You assumed it belonged to an older couple just by how it was decorated. Over the past year you add bits of your own touch but it still looked like a grandparents home.

You watched as your childhood crush friend roamed your dining room and living room and made his was into your kitchen. You started to wonder why he was really here.

He stops in front of your unfinished tea cup.

“This is the same tea captain Levi drinks..” He says softly.

“Oh, yeah well it’s all they have now.”

He stares into the cup a bit longer. Almost like he was deeply thinking of something.

“Do you want to sit somewhere?” You asked but he doesn’t move except his eyes into yours.

They’re still small pools of the ocean or the endless sky. The same ocean and skies you found yourself lost in often as children.

Armin sighed and looked away.

“It’s been years. Years since you…i don’t even know anymore? Everyone thought you….”

“Died?” You finished. “I’m sorry. I can explain everything if that’s why you’re here…”

He doesn’t say anything so you take that as a yes.

“I just……couldn’t do it anymore. I was never a Scout or a solider or any of that. I just didn’t want you guys to leave me. I had no one left, not even my grandmother. Everything was getting to me and everyday was a nightmare so I had to leave.”

You said all that as Armin leaned against the counter on the opposite side and crossed his arms looking at ground and listened.

“What else was i going to do? I didn’t have a dream like you or the drive like Eren… I just wasn’t cut out for it. But i’ve been here the whole time, Min. Living among the last bit of survivors.”

“We missed you. Mikasa was a mess.” Armin says coldly.

You felt horrible. Tears well up in your eyes as you imagine Mikasa depressed over your disappearance.

“Armin-”

“And Eren was only just then getting worse. We had a search party for you after we got Eren back. But you were no where to found. We even had a makeshift funeral…Do you think no one else was scared?!”

Armin is looking at you now staring you down making you feel small.

“I was the weakest on the team. Intelligence can only take you so fucking far, y/n! Do you know i died? I got burnt alive and Levi chose me over Erwin to be revived! Why?? Everyday i have to live with that. Everyone was going through a hell of their own so what makes yours so special?!”

He was looking into your eyes now and turning an angry shade of red.

You shivered.

You had nothing to say. You felt like a failure already for years and this only confirms it.

“What do you have to say, y/n? Why did you leave us, why did you leave…me?”

“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t anymore.”

“Why didnt you tell us how you felt? Why did you just leave?”

“I thought you guys would call me a coward.”

He slowly walks towards you and puts his hands on your shoulders. It’s been so long since anyone has touched you let alone your old friend.

“I don’t think you’re a coward.”

“But you said-“

“I think you were like anyone else and was scared. And we’ve all done things to be ashamed of and that, was probably the least worse thing out of all of us. You just left. Eren caused the rumbling. Killed innocents. We all have. I have.”

You look into his eyes with horror as you hear him say he’s killed people. When this whole thing started he was the sweetest boy who couldn’t even hurt a fly. Eren you can imagine maybe but Armin?

“I’ve killed so many people. And i have to live with that also the rest of my life. Everyone does. All you did was leave.”

“My god…” You were in shock. What really went down all those years of you being gone?

“I missed you dearly. It ate me up alive when we thought you were gone. I had so much i wanted to tell you.”

“Like what?”

He looked away. Then he looks back at you and hold your face with both hands, hands now nearly the size of your face.

“I love you.”

Your entire heart dropped to your stomach. Maybe even your fucking ass. Did the boy you had a crush on since you were 9 really just say he loved you? Did he “love” you or did he love you? Your eyes just widened but you said nothing.

“You were so kind to me. By my side even when Mikasa and Eren wasn’t. I love your heart. Your mind. You. I loved you and i wanted to tell you but there was never a good time it seemed. And then you…. disappeared.”

“Armin-“

“Shhh.” He interrupted. “And when i heard you were one of the remaining residents here i just had to come. No way she’s still alive right? No way this is the one and only y/n i was head over heels for right?”

You lift your hands to gently hold Armjns wrists as you looked into his tired eyes. God you missed his eyes.

After a small moment he slowly leans in and kisses you. His lips were dry but passionate. Like you were gone his last kiss ever. You sighed into the kiss as you wrapped your arms around his neck and he lowered his hands to your sides.

The kiss was half a minute long but felt like eternity for you. When he pulled away he hugged you tightly. You still didn’t know what was happening but you were happy. Somehow happy. Even after all this.

“I’m so glad you’re alive. You’re all i have left next to Mikasa.” Armin says into your shoulder.

“I guess the ocean isn’t on that list anymore?”

“No.”

You knew a bit of history from when you went to primary school. You knew Eldia was an island isolated from everyone else and they were supposedly “devils” but you suspected otherwise. You knew marley and eldia had issues and when you moved to eldia and heard this boy speak about the “outside world” and the ocean you knew it was only a matter of time before he learned the truth. Before they all did, at least the naive innocent ones like him.

He pulled away.

“I want you to tell me everything. The truth. I want to know where you are from, what you’ve been doing here…”

You led Armin to a chair by your small dining table and motioned for him to sit. Once sat you started.

“As you probably know know the titans specifically go after you guys. Eldians. So some Eldians were somehow sneaking to where i lived, across the ocean, and somehow titans followed. Confusing but people in my town started to panic. I lost my parents and my grandma was all i had left. She had this crazy idea to move inside the wall where we’d truly be safe. So after a couple week long boat ride and lots of carriage rides we ended up in Shiganshina.” You sighed.

“I lived in the outside world.”

Armin just stared.

“I didn’t say anything because i already stood out so much. At least here i did. Back where i lived everyone looked like me. Dark. And hearing you so interested in the world outside the walls i didn’t want to disappoint you. There isn’t much other than enemies for you guys.”

“Well…”

“Are you upset?”

“I don’t know how to feel honestly. Just a question, what did you guys have to be afraid of if the titans just wanted to eat us?”

“I don’t know that one honestly. I never saw one eat anyone until we got over here. But living so close to those things was scary enough…I’ve always hated titans.”

“You and me both.”

“But i hear the curse is over now?”

“Well, yes. Ymir’s curse has been lifted so…the titans are finally gone. But at what cost?”

Armin looks worn and empty. Completely different from what you’ve seen in the past.

“And i also heard you’re..a commander? What’s that about?”

“Hange sacrificed her self. I was handed down the responsibility of being her replacement.”

“Oh no…I loved her…” You were truly heartbroken at this. Oddly enough she loved titans. Found them fascinating.

“We all did..” Armin sighed. “I’ve been trying to make peace with everyone around us. Especially since we no longer pose a threat.”

“Well, i’m proud of you. You’ve always tried to search for the best answer to things around you.”

“Yes, and what about you? What have you been doing the whole time?”

You looked away, thinking back on the past few years.

“Well, i’ve been living in the underground working at a bar. I shared a place with a couple of people to pay the rent and after all this rumbling drama they moved us up here to rebuild and i’ve been here. Uneventful really.”

“The underground huh…”

“Yeah, nothing special. Wasn’t too fun but i’d rather that than facing titans and the threat of being eaten everyday.”

“I see..” Armin crossed his arms. “So now that we’re all caught up, where do go from here?”

You walked to the window by the front door and looked out at the deserted street in front of you. You thought a moment about your answer.

There’s something you always wanted to do with him…

“You wanna…go see the ocean with me?”

You looked back at him who stayed seated at the table. He looked ahead with his arms resting on the table now and with a tear running down the side of his face.

He nodded.

On the way there Armin joked about how going to see the ocean is what seemed to have caused this mess to begin with.

Once there, you two took your shoes and socks off and roll up your pants and go to sit by the shore. Armin sits and you followed. It’s evening now. The sun was setting. It was truly beautiful.

All you two could do we stare into the distance in silence. Sharing this bittersweet moment. Neither of you knew what the future held or if a future was even possible but now you guys had each other and that’s all that mattered.

Now it was you and him.

You and your ocean boy.

- Sooo i wrote this over the past 2 days… i might make a second part but tbh school is starting up again soon so i don’t know where we go from here. If this does well i might even make it a series.

[marcobodtlives]

AoT Character Deaths and How They Made Me Cry:

Marco (Reiner/Bertholdt POV): 9/10 lost my fucking mind, frothing at the mouth, sobbing, angry tears. He didn’t deserve that. He just wanted to talk. Also cried when Jean saw him by the pyre and before deciding to side with the Scouts not Jaegerists. And when Jean kissed his hand before fighting the female titan. And when Jean led all the survivors to kill the turned government officials after the rumbling began because it reminded me of when Marco told him he would make a great leader. Also cried when he wasn’t in the smoke at the ending.

Armin: 10/10 tried so hard not to sob, throat had a large lump, head was throbbing, couldn’t breathe properly. Didn’t think he was gonna come back from it and considered if the show would still feel the same without him.

Ymir: 4/10 unfortunately overshadowed by the fact that I was still connecting a lot of plot points and my brain hurt. I did tear up as Historia read the love letter. Also teared up a little when Reiner sniffed the stupid letter at the very end of the show, because it reminded me of Ymir and her first letter.

Sasha: 7/10 saw it coming, knew it in my heart and bones, but ultimately understood why her character was killed (from a narrative perspective). Teared up but was mostly in shock. Thought I could handle it, then several episodes later I saw the shot of Gabi looking like Sasha from behind and didn’t feel the tears till my cheeks were soaked in them. Cried quite hard when she was in the smoke and saw the look on Connie and Jean’s faces as they watched her disappear.

Colt: 6/10 (I know it wasn’t a major death but come on) he just wanted his broTHER TO BE OKAY COME ON - pour some (tears) out for ‘em.

Floch: 4/10 first watch I won’t lie I thought ‘finally, jesus’ but on the second watch I considered it more and felt a bit bad for him as he said his last words to Jean. He died for a cause in his heart, even if it was a cause birthed by revenge. Felt sad when I saw the building collapse in on his body, knowing he died so far from home. I’m still mad about how he treated Armin and Jean though, so not many tears.

Hange: 10/10 music moved me so hard I’ve never needed more tissues in my life. Sobbed as Hange fell, but had a smile on my face as they looked at the colossals in wonderment. Proud of them, wished it didn’t have to end this way.

Jean and Connie (transformation): 100/10 not knowing they survived I absolutely lost the plot. I was furious and sobbing. They deserved to see a future where their lives weren’t threatened. Felt awful inside. Tears flowing down my cheeks and neck. Pained. Raw, open sobs. Even more tears when I realised they were okay.

Eren: 7/10 I knew it was coming. I knew it would happen from the moment he left the Scouts in Marley. I was already crying over Jean and Connie at this point so it’s hard to tell how many tears were for Eren, but I was mostly proud of Mikasa and those were the cause of the tears.

[sonofthesaiyans]

So, I took the time to watch the Attack on Titan finale today.....

I don't know why, because everyone keeps saying that the anime ending was a huge step up from the manga's ending. Jeez, has it really been three years since that dropped the ball?

So I decided I needed to see for myself what it really changed, I had the time so I forced myself through it, to see what exactly the big deal all was; mostly what was different, and what it did that was so far removed from the comic.

Well I gotta admit, I was surprised by what I saw.

The animation was really impressive, much better than what I've seen of MAPPA's handiwork from the rest of this season. The whole thing just kept going bigger and bigger, and it just never seemed to slow down. It's definitely one of the most impressive battles of the series, especially when so much focus on fighting and ending the Titans seemed to be lost after so long. Plus I forgot how stunning MAPPA's backgrounds can be, almost like WIT's. I guess that's what you call "peak" in the anime circle now, huh?

Levi......What can I say, he's an absolute badass, and the battle was worth it just to see him plow through Eren's army of Titans in all of his glory. Nothing can slow this guy down, and he definitely earned his ending. Sure he lost everyone who was near and dear to him but at least he can finally get some measure of peace. A much better finish than what the manga gave us, in its own weird way.

Was surprisingly touching to see the fallen Scouts again btw. Should have had Marco somewhere for Jean's sake, but maybe they can finally move on to a better place, wherever that may be.

Well the Armin and Eren scene pulled no punches, did it? XD Bad puns aside, I was surprised at how emotionally charged that scene was, Eren seemed really sorry for everything. At least he finally owned up to it in the end. Such a shame he was left with so little choice in the end.

And really, I realized how hard I was on Mikasa. She knew the life she thought she and Eren could have was beyond all hope, and in the end she made the right choice, agonizing as it was. In the end Mikasa really was too good for Eren, theirs is a love that was tragically cut short by circumstance. He couldn't help it, she couldn't help it.......Eremika truly is an unsung Shakespearean tragedy.

Oh don't you worry Eren, I'm sure she was thinking of you well beyond ten years. Who could fault her? We all know you meant well....

So........now everyone's saying it took two thousand years if not more for this to happen, huh? Well I guess that sort of makes up for it.....At least nobody we knew and loved lived to see it, right? I guess we can stop blaming Eren for whatever brought this upon Paradis, right?

Well, whatever the case may be, after finally seeing it I can say the anime ending makes up for a lot of what the manga left hanging. Great animation, such raw emotions, the insane music.......It was a long slog, but I'm glad I was proven wrong about everything I have said since the manga ending came out. This really helped to tie everything together much better, made the loss of such a wondrous cast a little easier to swallow. In the end, they gave their hearts, and in the end, it's much better to feeling something than to feel nothing.

So kudos to Studio MAPPA, and kudos to Hajime Isayama, truly I underestimated you. I feel like seeing this animated opened my eyes to so much of what I thought was missing. Suddenly things are so much clearer. Now.......Now I understand.......Eren only did what had to be done. Well played Mr. Isayama, well played.

And with that, I just want to leave with a quick shoutout to the true GOAT of Attack on Titan..........

.......

................

..................................

AS IF, YOU BITCH.

And that's the LEAST of what you deserve, you cunt rag.

That title belongs to THIS girl, right here.

As if there were any force between heaven and earth in this world or the next that could EVER make me forget.....

Oh, one more thing........

....... .................. ................................

April Fools, Folks.

This story ended with the Ocean.

[melishade]

💍

This ask game

I guess I can talk about the Hundred Days OVA. (I don't think I'm going to be writing it out in full. We'll see.)

But the OVA itself is supposed to take place about five years after the events of Attack on Prime. Optimus is on Cybertron, because he ends up going back in the final chapter, and he gets a private call from Megatron saying to come back to the AOT world because it's an emergency. Optimus comes back to Paradis wondering what's going on, thinking it's something horrible, but Megatron admits that he just needed Optimus to get here and reveals that Jean and Mikasa are getting married.

You can understand how mad Optimus is! He could've just told him!

But the Hundred Days OVA was supposed to detail the wedding setup and how Jean and Mikasa ended up falling in love with each other. Because Optimus has been gone for five years, he needs someone to catch him up on how this happened. I'm also planning on hinting at Jean and Mikasa's initial feelings for one another in the Future Anthology.

And a bunch of things were supposed to happen during this OVA, like Levi actually singing for the wedding, Mikasa asking Megatron to walk her down the aisle, a few more people recognizing their feelings for one another, and Rung was going to crash the party to check in on everything, but Armin spots him and the two end up having a small chat.

I do have a few of the scenes written out from years ago. These are definitely rough drafts now.

After Megatron confronts Jean about marrying Mikasa:

“Just because I didn’t know doesn’t mean I would’ve abandoned her if I did know,” Jean declared, “I love her; I genuinely do. If she asked me to stay, I would stay. If she told me to leave, I would’ve walked out the door. I never wanted for one second to hurt her. I knew she was grieving over Eren, but I felt like if I made any move towards her, it would be for a selfish intent. If I knew she was going through what you described, I would have come to her sooner. But I wanted to be sure it was for her health and well-being inside of my own selfishness. I would never hurt her.”

“I don’t believe you,” Megatron declared.

Jean closed his eyes. “You don’t have to believe me, but I am still going to ask Mikasa to marry me. I love her, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. If she says no, then I’ll accept it. I’ll be sad, but I’ll accept it. If she says she wants to wait, I’ll wait as long as she needs me to. If she says yes, I will marry her, no matter what you say.”

Jean grunted as Megatron grabbed his shirt and forced him to look him in the eye. Megatron saw no fear, no hesitation, just sheer determination.

“I will do everything in my power to stop you,” Megatron swore.

“I know that now,” Jean told him.

“I will kill you if you break her heart,” Megatron swore.

“Go ahead,” Jean allowed, “If I break her heart, that means I don’t deserve someone as wonderful as her.”

Jean saw Megatron’s anger slowly fade. His expression turned into one of begrudging acceptance.

“Go,” Megatron ordered as he let him go, “Before I change my mind.”

Jean was relieved and nodded his head before walking away from the titan. Megatron groaned in irritation as he fell backwards into the sand.

“What did I just allow?” Megatron asked.

“You gave Jean permission to marry what is essentially your adopted daughter,” Armin declared as he came out of his hiding spot and looked down at the former warlord.

“Adopting a human? Preposterous,” Megatron grumbled.

Armin smiled as he sat down next to Megatron. “She’ll be okay.”

“Armin, did I do the right thing?” Megatron asked him.

Armin thought it over. “You did what you thought was best. Now whatever happens, it’s out of your hands.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Megatron groaned.

“Well…if Mikasa’s happy by the end of it, I’m okay with that.” Armin admitted.

Megatron thought it over and sighed. “I suppose you’re right.”

“A quick question: you’re not going to sabotage the wedding if Mikasa says ‘yes’, are you?” Armin asked with worry.

“If Jean behaves, I won’t,” Megatron answered.

(The dialogue that I had written previously doesn't fit the final draft that I've written for AOP, so I'm gonna keep it to myself.)

==

Jean asking Mikasa to marry him:

“Mikasa…you know that I love you right?” Jean asked.

Mikasa raised an eyebrow at that. “Jean, are you okay?”

Jean nervously smiled. “I am…I just…I wanted to get something off of my chest.”

Jean took a deep breath and looked Mikasa dead in the eye. “I’ve been worried I’ve been taking advantage of your vulnerability.”

Mikasa grew rather confused as Jean continued.

“I knew you had feelings for Eren for the longest time,” Jean continued, “And at that same time, I had feelings for you too. When Eren died, I really wanted to be there for you, but…I was so worried. I was worried if I came to comfort you, I would be taking advantage of your vulnerability. That my feelings for you would influence how I wanted you to view me, instead of how I should help you get better. I never wanted to do that to you; I loved you too much. Even when you came to me and asked to go on a date, I was freaking out so much. It was a dream come true for me, but in the back of my mind, I was scared I was taking advantage of you. I know now…that wasn’t true. I genuinely and whole heartedly love you. I love how confident and fierce you are. I love your eyes and your smile. You’re determined and headstrong. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I would’ve waited a thousand years just to have a second with you.”

Jean moved his hand into his pocket. “I have no hesitation on my feelings for you. I love you so much, and now I have the courage and confidence to finally ask you.”

Jean got down on one knee and pulled out the ring. “Mikasa Ackerman, will you marry me?”

Mikasa could only blankly stare at Jean, trying to register what just happened. When it finally clicked, the Ackerman began crying. She tried to hold back her tears, but failed as she began hiccupping and trying to wipe them away.

“M-mikasa?!” Jean stuttered, “I’m so sorry! Did you not want me to ask?!”

“I’m sorry,” she cried as she covered her face with her hands.

“Why are you apologizing?!” Jean asked in disbelief and confusion.

“I-I thought,” she hiccupped, “I thought I was taking advantage of you.”

Jean blinked in confusion. “W-what?”

“I knew you liked me,” Mikasa explained, “I knew for a long time, but I was always so focused on Eren that I didn’t even consider your feelings. I felt so guilty when I asked to go out with you because I wanted to move on, and I felt so guilty and thought I was taking advantage of your feelings. I thought that my feelings for you were because I’m an Ackerman trying to find a new host. I was so scared that the love I felt for you wasn’t true. Because you’re so kind, you’re so caring. You always asked me if I was alright. You wrote me letters whenever you had the chance. You would bring me something to drink everyday. You’re so beautiful; your eyes tell a million different stories, yet you look at me like I’m the only thing that matters. You’ve cared so much for my health and wellbeing when I felt like I didn’t matter.”

Mikasa got down on her knees and looked Jean in the eyes with her tear-stained face. “I still…have issues I need to work through. And what I feel for you…I believe that it is truly love. I spent my whole life, chasing someone who would never look back. I glad he didn’t, because I now have someone who would never leave me behind. Now I have the confidence and courage.”

Mikasa placed a hand on Jean’s face. “To say yes. Yes, I will marry you.”

Jean blinked in response before he began laughing in disbelief. Tears came down his face as he hugged Mikasa tightly.

“Why are you crying?” Mikasa asked.

“I get to spend the rest of my life with you,” Jean answered as he looked her in the eye and wiped away his own tears, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Mikasa said before she kissed him, “Stay with me?”

“Always,” Jean smiled as he touched her forehead with his own. He slipped the ring on her finger and kissed her hand.

“CONGRATULATIONS!” a voice shouted as they dumped some paper on the both of them. Mikasa looked up to see Hanji now holding an empty bucket while Jean looked at the paper.

“Are these…old Survey Corps reports?!” Jean asked in disbelief.

“I was going to get flowers for when Jean finally asked, but someone didn’t tell me ahead of time!” Hanji shouted.

“That is not your concern,” Megatron deadpanned as he finally let himself be known in his bipedal mode.

“How have you been hiding?!” Jean asked him, “How long have you been watching?!”

“Before you got down on one knee,” Annie responded.

“Someone owes me money~!” Sasha sang as she leaned over Niccolo.

“Why did I marry you?” Niccolo sighed as he paid her five dollars.

“You’re getting married!” Hanji cheered.

Jean deadpanned at them all, but saw that Mikasa was smiling at them. Jean smiled and kissed her cheek.

Things were going to be okay.

===

(Mikasa asks Megatron to walk her down the isle)

“Megatron, I have a favor to ask,” Mikasa began.

Megatron groaned in irritation. “I’m already setting up the invitations for your wedding to be sent to the guests. What more could you possibly want.”

Megatron noticed the nervous expression on her face and sighed. “I’m not angry with you. This whole ‘marriage’ concept is just tedious.”

Megatron turned to her. “So what’s the favor?”

Mikasa placed her hands behind her back. “Megatron…can you walk me down the aisle?”

Megatron raised an eyebrow at that. “What does that mean?”

“For humans in marriage, it’s traditional for the bride to walk down the isle with her father,” Mikasa explained, “It’s symbolic for the father to give the daughter away to the groom. My actual father has been gone a long time…and I wanted to know…if you could walk me down the isle?”

Megatron absorbed the information, processed it, and nearly dropped the envelope that he was holding. She wanted him to do what?!

Mikasa noticed the troubled expression on Megatron’s face and sighed to herself. “Forget I asked. I’m sorry.”

“No, hold on,” Megatron told her, “Just…give me time to think about it.”

“…okay,” Mikasa said as she walked out the room. She knew this was a stupid idea. What was she thinking?

Meanwhile, Megatron was screaming into a blanket left on the couch.

----

“She asked you for what?” Hanji questioned in disbelief.

“To walk her down the isle,” Megatron groaned in his bipedal mode.

“Well, what did you say?!” Hanji exclaimed.

“I told her I would think about it!” Megatron yelled, “I don’t even know why she would even think of asking me in the first place! Hanji, I am a terrible being! Why would she even see me as a father figure?!”

“You must’ve made an impact?” Hanji assumed.

“I would ask her to get someone else to do it, but everyone else is her age! She hates the dwarf, and I doubt she’s even talked to Erwin!” Megatron exclaimed, “You do it!”

“Fuck no!” Hanji shouted, “I still have the wedding to plan!”

“I don’t think I can do something like that,” Megatron proclaimed.

“Then tell her no,” Hanji told him.

“I am not going to make Mikasa upset on her wedding day!” Megatron yelled, “This is important to her! She’s finally moving on, and I don’t want to be the one that causes her sadness on what you humans consider a momentous occasion!”

“Think of something!” Hanji shouted.

-----

Mikasa sighed to herself as she held the bouquet of flowers in her hand. She took a deep breath and was tempted to peak behind the curtain, but forced herself to stop. She needed to calm her nerves. She would be okay. It would be okay.

“I hope you’re not having second thoughts,” a voice responded.

Mikasa looked up in shock to see Megatron walking up to her, fixing the cuffs on his suit.

“Especially considering the time and effort everyone put in,” Megatron finished.

Mikasa blinked in response before tears forms in her eyes. Megatron immediately reacted and pulled out a handkerchief, gently wiping away her tears without messing up her make-up.

“Did Jean do anything-,”

“You came,” Mikasa said as she looked up at him.

Megatron stopped and put the handkerchief away. “You asked me to do this.”

“I thought…you wouldn’t,” Mikasa admitted.

“I debated,” Megatron told her, “Frankly, I don’t know what you could possibly see in me that would make you ask me to do this. And…I didn’t want to do this because I don’t see myself the way you see me.”

“…I’m sorry,” Mikasa apologized.

“You are a warrior,” Megatron told her as he placed his hand under her chin and lifted her head, “And this is your day to feel special. I can put my feelings aside for a moment to make this day one to remember. So keep your head held high, smile, and don’t worry about the past. Your sparkmate is waiting for you.”

Mikasa nodded her head as she gave a teary smile.

“Now, shall we?” Megatron offered Mikasa his arm.

Mikasa wrapped her arm around his. “Yes.”

(It's a bit choppy here because I was just writing certain moments at the time.)

====

(Megatron explaining a conjunx endura/sparkmate)

“Why do you feel the need to shit on every little thing we humans do?” Hanji demanded before gesturing to the wedding, “This is a positive thing. A good thing,”

“That is only cemented by two flimsy words,” Megatron argued, “Set up took weeks, we had to send invitations, and I’m in a suit! Something I swore to never do again!”

“They are happy!” Hanji exclaimed, “Be happy for them!”

“I still don’t trust the horse boy,” Megatron hissed.

Hanji groaned in irritation. “Then what do you guys do that makes your meaning of love so valid compared to this?”

Megatron deadpanned. “Are you challenging me on this?”

“I’m angry and drunk,” Hanji answered, “So yes I am.”

Megatron rolled his eyes. “It’s called the ‘conjunx endura’, or a sparkmate.”

“Oh so creative,” Hanji mocked.

“Do you want me to explain or not?” Megatron demanded.

Hanji grumbled in response, but gestured him to continue.

“It’s not a public matter; doing it is extremely private,” Megatron explained, “When two Cybertronians love one another, they link their sparks together. Our sparks are pure energy; it is not metal. And when they do link their sparks together, they open their chests to reveal their sparks to one another. They let the energy between them merge together, creating an unbreakable link. Once they do that, all they feel, is each other. You carry their presence with you wherever you go in the universe. No matter how far, you will always feel them in your spark. Some say that you can hear their thoughts and feel their emotions. You are connected, united.”

Megatron clasped his hands together. “You are essentially one being.”

Megatron turned to Hanji, who looked both angry and moved by Megatron’s explanation.

“Fuck you, I’ll give you that,” Hanji swore as they wiped their tears, “I guess that explains why merely saying ‘I do’ is not a worthy enough proclamation of love. We humans just have to work with what we got.”

Megatron shrugged in response.

“So~!”

“No,” Megatron cut off.

“You just gave me a dump of information!” Hanji exclaimed. “Answer three questions for me!”

“Fine,” Megatron sighed.

“Okay,” Hanji began, “Were you ever someone else’s sparkmate?”

Megatron cackled. “By the Allspark, no! Even if I wanted to, my priority was to stay alive!”

“A bit cynical,” Hanji remarked.

“It’s not like I lived a normal life to even pursue a sparkmate,” Megatron reminded.

“That’s fair,” Hanji agreed, “Has…Optimus ever had a sparkmate?”

“…He did have someone important,” Megatron answered, “But he wasn’t sparkbonded to them. It was for the best.”

“Considering the war,” Hanji assumed.

“…We’ll go with that,” Megatron responded.

“…I think I’ll save my third question for another time,” Hanji proclaimed, “Need to be a lot more sober in order to ask you a good one regarding the situation.”

These are all rough drafts I've written years ago and would obviously need to be fixed if I ever pursue this OVA. But this was the general idea I was going for.

[stevesnightmares]

Mikasa's ending

I don't know if it's because it's younger people or just really big shippers, but I find it so disheartening when people say that Mikasa didn't find love again or that, even if she did get married, her heart was only ever truly with Eren and not with whoever it is that she married.

All the aot characters have trauma that will never be fully healed, but that doesn't mean that they shouldn't be allowed to move on and live their lives as fully and happily as they possibly can.

Of course Mikasa will love Eren for the rest of her life and will think of him and miss him and long for him, but she also can love someone else. She wasn't even 20 when it all happened, when it all went down, why do you wish for her to spend the rest of her life alone, without ever getting the opportunity to experience falling in love and being in an actual, real, romantic relationship.

What you are saying is that real and true love only happens once and if they die and you mange to move on and live an happy life with someone else, it means that you didn't love that person with all of yourself, because if you did you wouldn't have been able to move on.

But that's not true. You can romantically love more than one person, it will be different, in many ways, but it doesn't make it lesser.

Mikasa lost her parents, murdered in front of her.

She lost Carla and Dr. Jeager who were like a second family to her, Carla getting eaten in fron of her own eyes.

She had to kill Eren herself.

Does she not deserve to finally have peace and a family?

That's what Eren wanted for her, even if it hurt him, even if he longed to be with her, he still wanted for her to move on and build a family for herself at last.

I understand that some of you shipped them a lot, but Mikasa was more than half a ship, she was her own character and her drive had always been to protect who she considered her family in my personal opinion. In my eyes, family had always been a crucial part of her character so, for me, her getting a family is the best possible outcome she could've ever got.

Her getting a family and a husband doesn't erease her love for Eren, it doesn't make her love him any less. If anything, it showes how much she loved him, the fact that she managed to move on even if it hurt, making it so that his sacrifice to give his family freedom didn't go to waste.

Eren bacame a monster, made himself into a villan and died just so the people he loved could get that freedom, Mikasa living the rest of her live in sadness and only ever thinking about him without ever moving on would've put Eren's sacrifice to waste.

[peachymilkandcream]

Payment|Part 6|Mafia Levi x Evelyn

WARNINGS: noncon/dubcon, big age difference, kidnapping, slavery, violence, power imbalance, implied somnophilia, forced pregnancies, mind breaking, yandere behaviour, yandere themes, forced exhibitionism, sexual coercion, blackmail, etc.

===============================================

An insult, that's what this was. To think that his own nephew would through him into the streets like that over some passing interest. All the things Kenny had done for him. The blood and filth that was on his hands just to keep the runt happy. Now the brat he had helped raise was shoving him out. Just because he had brought the Ackermans out of the slums didn't mean that he was invincible. So what if Kenny missed the feeling of a youthful body? Out of gratitude Levi should have offered the little bitch up to him.

Kenny continued to seethe as he thought more and more about what had happened. The more he thought, the more upset he became. It was an outrage that someone so influential in the family had been tossed in the streets. Undoubtedly the rest of his rotten family would take Levi's side as well. Mikasa and Kuchel praised everything Levi did and took his own contribution as a necessary part of life.

Once someone because affiliated with the Ackerman family they were expected to pull their weight. Gratitude was a mushy display of emotions, still Kenny believed he was owed some of it. He helped make that boy the man he was today. He deserved something for all of his hard work and service.

No use wasting thoughts on it now. He had bigger fish to fry.

Now that it was clear where loyalties lay, Kenny would put into action the plan he had been cooking up since Levi grew into suck a prick. All along he had been planning on usurping that brat and taking his place as a rightful head. Finally there was an excuse to follow through on everything that he had been so carefully setting in place up until this point.

Kenny smirked and threw his knife in the newspaper article praising Levi for all of his humanitarian efforts and his attempts to better the city.

"So what's the plan Kenny?" One of the women who came with him from the Ackerman clan appeared at his side. Few of those who had a problem with Levi's leadership style had left with Kenny in secret to join him on his mission of opposing the young head.

"We start moving now. I've been putting this together for too long, done too much to see everything go to waste."

She nods. "I'll let the others know."

================================================

Once assured that Evelyn was on the mend from all of her physical injuries he tackled the mental.

"I should apologize for not being there. And while you should be punished for leaving my room I suppose it was a good thing you did, or else I wouldn't have found you as fast."

She sipped the water through a straw, not sure what could be said at this point. She was grateful that Levi had saved her but now he had upped his security to an impossible degree so now the thought of escape was even further in the distance.

"You still choose to hold a grudge against me then?" He took her silence with a grain of offence.

Again Evelyn remained silent. What could she say? Agree with him and he'd probably do something worse than what Kenny had attempted. Lie and he'd know it, doing who knows what in revenge.

"I'll take that as a yes." He sighs. "The sooner you lose the hatred the better it will be for you. I don't think you understand what I could really do to you if you keep testing me."

Those words made her stop, a small bit of fear entering her.

"You don't think I would seriously hurt you? That you're irreplaceable to me?" He scoffs. "How wrong you are. You know what I do to girls like you? Ones who test my patience?"

She shook her head ever so slightly.

Levi stands, nodding to one of his men. "Go see if you can dig up some way to get her around without standing."

The man nods and leaves quickly to do Levi's bidding.

"For what?" Evelyn asked curiously.

"So I can show you just exactly happens to those who cross me."

[mikasa-stan]

I said some criticisms about EreMika and I watched the cabin scene again. I do think it's cute, especially when they hold hands while running away. Season 4 was about them. But I am still not convinced when he treated her so badly in season 1. I know 3 seasons have passed and I may still not moved on, but.. where was the ship's foundation? Besides the scarf scene, cause it was Mikasa's POV. But Eren did stopped and stared at that scene again in the memories, it could be romantic feelings.

But my problem with the final arc, is that Eren is suddenly shown to have feelings for Mikasa when we didn't see that in season 1-3. Some people say that he cared about her, so that means he's in love with her. No, that's just caring in general. They provide proofs like when Eren gave Mikasa the scarf after she fell asleep. He even asked her to throw it away. I don't see EreMika as romantic when it's only from Mikasa's perspective.

Season 4 EreMika could have been better if there were actual hints that Eren had the same feelings for her from the first season til the end. It's like the show is tricking me that Eren is in love with her from the beginning, making me forget what he did to her in season 1. I will not romanticize that shit. I hate Mikasa with her whole "I can fix him" thing. She waited for 9 years for Eren to reciprocate her feelings. I mean she can still care about him but I don't seem to understand in the romantic way. The show doesn't make it clear what she sees about Eren. Yes, the scarf scene did, but was that the only one? What personality did Mikasa like about Eren? And same question to Eren, what does he like about her? Is he in love because he knows how Mikasa cares? I don't get it. Well, I did before, but that's because it was self-projection and it was unhealthy for me to romanticize someone that doesn't even like me back.

Mikasa deserves better. In fact, I think she should go with other guys than Eren, so she can make some comparison. That's why I think Armin is better for her. They've been together for years and they are better for each other. Armin can make Mikasa a better person and more independent, he can make her more emotionally strong. Armin can show Mikasa a better world and he has positive vibes more than Eren, throughout the whole series. He even smiled at her in the beach scene, they were happy for each other. Armin also defended her when Eren was saying some bullshits to her. I know the words he said were false but it's sad that was their last conversation, in their real world (not the paths bc they forgot about that before going to kill him). Eren still hurt them even when he's lying.

EreMika is mostly tears and anger. It's not even a tragedy in my eyes when Eren could've treated her better in season 1 or if he could've shown his feelings for her.

[bluebird722]

Giving a Chance

Summary: He thought that his feelings would go away after the three years. He worries that she will not give him that chance. An imagining of the final episode.

Pairing: Jeankasa, implied Aruani

Rating: K

AN: So the inspiration for this story was born right after I began scrolling through AOT posts on Instagram (since I started following Jean's, Mikasa's, and Pieck's English VAs' accounts) and saw how downright nasty people can be to each other in the fandom! Anyone who even mentions Jeankasa faces an enormous wave of protests from Eremika shippers, people attack each other for suggesting that she deserves to move on and be happy even without him, and commentors fight over the whole "virginity/flowers" symbolism. It got to a point where (aside from not wanting to look at even AOT fanart anymore) I thought if Yams intended for Jeankasa to be endgame, why not illustrate how it could have evolved? How could a character continue to love the one who saved her life and still develop a loving relationship that would give her joy? I hope you enjoy reading of it as I had dreaming of it and putting pencil to paper.

Jean eagerly combed back his hair and tried to conceal his excitement that, after three long years and the most trying years of his life, he was getting closer to the dream life about which he had been dreaming for years. Any time that something was not going as intended or he missed home, he thought about what he still needed to do: get his dream apartment, find the right woman, save up for the best liquors, have a baby or two, and contemplate that he was good enough of a person to deserve those fortunes. 

For whom am I trying to look good for? he thought to himself, reflecting on Pieck’s question. Not just the ladies who will read history books one day–but good looks and good vibes go hand in hand, he thought with a smirk. All they needed to do was meet with the Queen and other diplomats, and then a visit to the grave, and then…whatever else he needed to do before his dream life–much better than if he had joined the Military Police as intended years ago–could finally begin.

Then they arrived back to Paradis, wrapped up their meeting a little before twilight, and made the trip to the grave, where Mikasa was waiting for them at the bottom of the hill, and Jean felt like the atmosphere had crashed around him.

As Mikasa embraced Armin, who practically lifted her off her feet in their hug, he noticed how much she had changed, from her hair length to the style of her clothes now that she had given up the way of the warrior. He had rarely seen her in anything both so casual, so feminine, and so civilian, so the combination of pink and blue gave her a new aura of beauty. She even grew out her hair, the long hair that he remembered adoring when he first met her. 

She’s still so beautiful, Jean thought to himself. However, that was not the moment to think about that. Now was the time to mourn their late friend, who died for freedom. 

Jean managed to concentrate on the burden and peace that Eren had left for his beloved friends to save the destroyed world and make it better, but somehow it was easier imagined than experienced. It’s all right, Jean, he thought. Soon Paradis will be at peace. Maybe one day we can imprison or reprogram the Yeagerists, and my family won’t have to live under the Queen’s protection anymore, and then I can focus on having the perfect house and family…

Then he looked up at Mikasa, who was comforting a weeping Armin, and felt a sudden heavy pressure in his chest. All those feelings that he remembered having since they first met and stifled every time he saw how she had feelings for Eren, and feelings that he continued to suppress until they didn’t give him a dull ache in his heart, came back.

Jean gazed at her out of the corner of his eye as they waited to lay down flowers. She had already set down four–the number meaning that nothing would separate the two of them. Even after everything that Eren had put her through, risked for their loved ones, and inflicted upon the outside world, she still felt the same about him. 

For three years, he thought that he had gotten over Mikasa even at the mention of her name. Then just the sound of her voice and the change in appearance unlocked what he thought was long gone. 

***

The ambassadors were to stay in an undisclosed house until the Queen was certain of their outside safety. Connie, Armin, Reiner, and Jean shared one half–two men in each room–while Pieck and Annie had their own, with a kitchen between for heating tea and a bathroom for each group. After visiting Eren’s grave and a quiet dinner with the Queen, the ambassadors went to their undisclosed house while Mikasa returned to her own that the Queen set up for her and in which she was safe after returning home from Marley. Mikasa, however, was not ready to return yet. She visited with the ambassadors, caught up with them over tea, and informed them of how much worse the Yeagerists had grown. Some Paradi natives were willingly moving out of the island in hopes of finding a better life in a foreign land. This unsettled Reiner and Pieck, who planned to move back to Marley, while Annie was uncertain about her future. 

“As long as we’re together,” said Connie, “do you think…we could survive this?”

Only Armin was fully convinced, but Mikasa expressed hope that it was possible. 

***

Groaning, Jean kicked away the blanket and sighed into his pillow. Sleep could not come to him for two hours. It was black outside, and his body ached with fatigue. 

Careful not to wake up Reiner in the other bed, Jean carefully opened the door and walked barefoot into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and looked at himself in the mirror, with his preferred stubble length and the hair that remained polished and well groomed even after a long day. 

Then he unbuttoned his shirt, turned on the faucet, splashed cold water over his face twice, and cried harder than he ever did in his life. 

For goodness sake, Mikasa, he bitterly thought, which made hot tears run faster down his cheeks, why can’t I get over you?! It’s been three years, and I thought things would change! If you wouldn’t change, I could… It’s been three years, and I still think about you that way! I still dream about falling in love with you, imaging you as my life partner, the mother of my children—things that I never imagined until we were getting ready to stop Eren!

Jean weakly looked at himself in the mirror. I could be everything you want, everything you need, but I’m not him! I could give you everything I have and more, but you would still love him more than anything else in the world. If you could have your way, you would bring him back to life and have a life with him–a life…a married life that I would not want with anyone I didn’t feel as I did with you! He hung his head and sobbed. Why can’t I let you go if you don’t want me?

I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life alone, he thought. You deserve love and peace, to know that there are people out there who love you and only want the best for you! Even if you gave me a chance, I would never tell you to forget about him! I would still take you to visit his grave, I would never make you get rid of that scarf, and if you ever needed to miss him, I could spend hours awake at night with you for as long as you needed it…

Jean took deep, haggard breaths and let the tears fall with the droplets dripping from his face and hair. I could be everything you want and need, but I’m not him.

***

The conferences with the Queen and the island’s earliest cohort of allies continued on for about two more weeks, leaving the ambassadors exhausted every night. It was more tiring than if they fought the Rumbling all over again, but their temporary house and tightened security gave them some assurance that things could change for the better. Dinners in which Mikasa joined them sometimes helped, though it only bothered Jean even more. 

Fortunately, despite the Yeagerists taking over the island, the inhabitants continued to live as before everything changed. With mainland influence came new fashions, new technologies, new music, and new food. Two days before Reiner and Pieck were to board a steamboat back to their birth country, the alliance decided to go to a street festival and see to what extent the cuisine and fashion were growing on the island. 

Jean tried not to look at Mikasa, who stayed at Armin’s side the whole time, as they walked around the festival. Some vendors were selling different flavors and types of bread, the people at an ice-cream stand were handing sample cups to about five children to taste before choosing what to buy, and, to Connie’s absolute delight, a vendor was selling various kinds of fried chicken, which he had become obsessed with while staying in Marley. 

“What do you think, Mikasa?” he eagerly asked the black-haired woman who blinked at the different options like she couldn’t comprehend how people could make so many ways to make chicken taste different. Fortunately, Annie said that they would have one of everything just to let Mikasa try one of everything, from mild to spicy to sweet. 

Jean sat on the opposite side of Mikasa when she and the alliance sat down with all kinds of chicken. Some of it looked gross, and some smelled so appetizing. Watching her eat from the chicken bone was kind of amusing, in Jean’s opinion, as were the faces she made. Some were too sweet, some seasonings could go together, and even some of the spicier ones were rather good. Annie, naturally, selected the ones sweetened with brown sugar and caramel flakes; Connie wolfed down his meal–one of everything, like Mikasa’s–and went back for more. 

“So tell me more about the foods you ate in Marley,” said Mikasa to everyone, “and what you got to eat that I didn’t have when I…when we first went there.”

Everyone had a story to tell. Armin recalled trying grilled and fried and sauteed duck, and attempting to make his own. Connie talked about something called a sloppy joe that was messy but downright delicious. Jean mentioned escargots and how people flavored the snails. Annie, Reiner, and Pieck said that one day, hopefully soon, Mikasa could go to Marley and not be limited to just vanilla ice cream; Marley sold, and continued to make, drinkable ice cream called milkshakes offered in many delicious flavors like chocolate, peanut butter, fudge, and caramel. 

Mikasa nodded along and was full after eating all the chicken, but she was so glad to try each flavor. “I will definitely taste each one,” she said quietly. “I just can’t believe that we missed out on so much.”

Jean shrugged but grinned. “That’s why, when I meet the right woman and have children, I’m taking them to events like this so they can grow up experiencing everything that I would have really liked when I was a boy.”

Most of the alliance smiled, but then Jean felt the blood drain from his face. Why did he have to mention a family, children, at that moment? Sure, he knew that adults had an expectation on children to grow up and become parents, and Jean knew his parents felt the same about him, but to actually realize that a family life was something he would like even though he never really imagined one for himself until the Rumbling was starting, when he used an imaginary future as an escape from reality, struck him almost painfully. 

Well, he thought to himself as they started talking about something else, just remember–it’s not worth having a family if you are not happily partnered with someone who wants to be your partner on the biggest project of your life. Then he looked at Mikasa and the scar that he remembered from his dream. It just wouldn’t be her, since she wouldn’t want to have had a family with anyone else.

***

After Reiner and Pieck’s steamboat faded from view, Mikasa accompanied the remaining alliance to the shared house, with the Queen’s security team, to spend the night and rest so they could wake up early the next morning to reunite Connie and his mother. Annie, who had decided to start over with her life in Paradis but hoped to visit her father soon, ordered cookies and tiny cakes to munch along with their afternoon tea and sat by Armin’s side the entire afternoon. Jean, who had cooked for everyone omelets like his mother had taught him, knew that Armin was jittery about their seating position but still could not wash away that horrible feeling of jealousy. 

It was a nice, sunny afternoon that day, so Jean decided to finish his work outside and conclude the day’s sunlight with his sketchbook and charcoal. Drawing was like reuniting with a friend long separated since childhood. Jean appreciated how much bigger the city appeared now that the walls were gone. He no longer felt like cattle trapped in a pen when he thought about what he had experienced. 

“Jean?”

The voice gave his heart a prickling sensation. He cocked his head at the eyes that haunted his most recent dreams. He chastised himself for thinking of how beautiful she was when he knew that she could never find him as attractive. “Yes?” he hesitantly asked.

“Are you done with your tea?” she asked with her finger pointing to the cup and saucer at his side, to which he shook his head and said that he would be in later for a warmer brew. He wanted her to leave him alone so he could forget about her and fall head over heels for someone who would love him over any other man in the world. 

Then again…Eren tried to push her away. He insulted her, said nasty things to her that were devastating to someone he considered a sister…but she still held on. 

I’m not him, Jean thought to himself. He looked up at Mikasa peering over the balcony at life below them. He inched closer for sketching inspiration. Two children who looked to be brother and sister were carrying armfuls of books that he suspected came from the new library. An elderly couple walking by ate a doughnut split in half. Two women, one hugely pregnant, were lounging outside a cafe and laughing.

Jean sighed to himself, wistfully hoping that he didn’t have to make too many more painful sacrifices for strangers below to live these deserved lives, and noticed that Mikasa stared under the balcony and then turned away with an almost pained expression. You don’t deserve her, he thought to himself. In a fresh state of anger, he tore in half the page on which he was sketching. 

Mikasa sharply moved her head in his direction. “Jean?” she asked. “What was that?”

Jean looked down at the paper half crumbled in his fist and closed his eyes. Lie, he told himself. “Just…I just hope I’m heading in the right direction,” he said. He felt her looking at him and knew that she wasn’t going to look away. Sighing, he went on: “When I was a boy, years ago… I used to sketch what I wanted in adulthood, like how I wanted my home to look in the Military Police, what the city would look like from my window…even…” He swallowed. “...even how…how I imagined what my future wife would look like.” 

Mikasa didn’t move or change her expression. 

Keep making things up, he thought. Don’t let her suspect anything. He looked down at the sketchbook with a heavy sigh. “But then…things are taken away from you.” He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. “Like, the Battle of Trost, and seeing what happened to people we knew and trained with…and how I didn’t want to join the MP anymore…” 

Still, Mikasa didn’t move or make a face. Jean looked away from her. “And thinking…with all that’s going on here in this island… would I be able to find someone, a woman…even though…” He stumbled and swallowed. “Even though this position as ambassador is supposed to be for the greater good of this island…what woman would want to risk her life to be with me if being an ambassador meant that Connie’s and my families had to rely on the Queen for protection?”

Mikasa knelt down at a reasonable distance from him. “Don’t you think that the right woman would want to take that risk?” she asked in her usual stoic voice. “If she loves you so much…then it would be a worthwhile relationship.”

Jean twisted his mouth. “But now…it would be hard to find her, because of the Yeagerists.” When Mikasa blinked, he explained: “Like, you don’t know who believes in them and who secretly opposes them, but you’re at a point where you can’t trust anyone for fear or retaliation.” Jean stared at the charcoal under his fingernails. “And let’s say I meet and fall for someone who used to side with the Yeagerists. I…I don’t know if I would be able to look at her the same, knowing that about her.

“Like…you know how Rico is a Yeagerist? And Hitch?” 

Mikasa nodded with her mouth in a straight line. 

“Let’s say they stop being Yeagerists and decided to work with us.” Jean sighed. “Like…knowing what I know now, I–I could never see myself really being even friends with them at this point in my life. It’s like when a friend lies, and it can ruin your friendship for so long, if it’s not already destroyed.”

“I understand,” said Mikasa.

Jean opened, then closed his mouth, and finally gave in. “Do you?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. “It is already difficult for me now, especially because of my affiliation with Eren. They know how close we were, so I still get Yeagerists asking me to join them, and they always say that he did it for me, for everyone on this island.” She shook her head. “No matter how much I miss him…I could never associate myself with a group that would proudly kill innocent lives and children. What he wanted was beyond my limits, and as much as I did not want to take his life…” 

Jean felt guilty for bringing up painful feelings and angry with himself for reiterating that her love for Eren was strong enough to overlook where he hurt her indirectly, such as a desire to kill even children. He remembered questioning why in Liberio he couldn’t kill that boy who turned out to be Falco. Was it because he himself was unwilling to murder a child? It didn’t matter anymore. He set down his sketchbook, picked up his cup and saucer, and walked inside, where he washed the cup and saucer through grinding teeth. I’m not him, he thought. I could be everything you ever wanted or needed in a partner, but you would see only him and fantasize about him every time we–we…

Jean tried not to think subtle thoughts–of bedsheets, of panting, hands grasping bare backs, two bodies bringing the other to pleasure, morning kisses and nuzzles, and arms around waists, of two bodies trying to spend as much time together as possible. He closed his eyes and pushed his forehead against the cabinet.

For goodness sake, why can’t I get over you?! We’ve been through so much together, good and bad, that I thought these feelings would go away! You would not even want to imagine me as anything more, let alone even dream of a married life with me! You could marry as many men as you’d like and still insist that you be buried with that scarf and beside Eren at the tree, because no man’s love could ever fill that hole that he left you!

“Jean?”

He cocked his head without pulling away from the cabinet. She had come back inside and held his sketchbook and charcoal in one hand. “You left this outside. It’s supposed to rain later today.”

His sigh was not in relief. “Thank you.” He listened to her set down the sketchbook and turned back to the saucer under the soapy water. Why can’t I let go of these thoughts…

“Excuse me?”

Jean slightly jumped. It was Mikasa’s voice. “What?” he asked. 

“You said something under your breath,” she pointed out. “Something about thoughts…”

“It’s nothing,” he said. “Just…lost my faith that things could get better.” He resumed washing the cup and saucer, but she didn’t move away. 

For someone who didn’t like to talk about her feelings, she was making it awfully hard to deny his emotional turmoil. 

“That’s odd to say, coming from an ambassador who is working towards peace,” she said in her usual monotone. 

Jean remembered when he said that he could not imagine being friends with Rico or Hitch should they leave the Yeagerists. He knew that confessing his feelings to Mikasa would destroy whatever relationship they had, and that she could never think of him as a friend again. Frustrated, he dropped the porcelain in his hands and hung his head. “It’s been three years,” he croaked, “and…I still can’t rid of these feelings I have. I thought that my time in Marley, and being an ambassador–they would go away. But then I came home after these three years…” 

He gripped the edges of the sink. “I thought they would go away like my ambition to join the Military Police,” he spat. “But these feelings…why can’t I force them to go away?”

“Feelings,” she repeated.

Jean felt set up and swallowed nausea bubbling in his throat. He looked at her over his shoulder. She was somehow even more beautiful than in the cadets, despite the trauma and pain they endured from fighting the right and wrong enemies. “Mikasa,” he said with burning eyes, “I didn’t save your life, I didn’t wrap that scarf around you, I didn’t let you live with me after your entire life changed in one day…but…” 

He clenched his teeth after his rushed speech. “I could be and give you everything you wanted and everything you needed, but I’m not him! I could love you with every fiber of my being, but it wouldn’t erase the pain that he left you.” When the tears came, he brushed them away. “I just want you to be happy–like Armin does, like Connie does, like everyone else, I want you to be happy.” He took a shaky breath. “I just don’t want you to be unhappy and mourn over what had been, or a dream of what could have been. I told you to kill your best friend, your soulmate, and that will haunt me every day for the rest of my life.”

He turned away his face and rinsed off the cup and saucer to put on the drying rack, but before he could turn around, a hand touched his arm. Her expression didn’t change. “I thought we could be allies again, friends…” He bit his upper lip and watched the water go down the drain. “I should never have brought this up.”

Mikasa took a shaky breath and moved her hand up his arm to his shoulder, and Jean had no other choice but to meet her eyes. “Do you see yourself…giving yourself that chance?” she whispered. “If I let you…would you?”

The nausea was coming up his throat again, and Jean made himself swallow, though it was like gulping down scalding water. “If you let me?” he repeated. He shook his head. “Even if you gave me that chance… I would never make you forget him. I would never tell you to throw away that scarf. I would spend hours awake with you if you missed him so much that you couldn’t sleep at night. I would take you to his grave as often as you wanted to go. I would never make you do anything that you didn’t want to do, or become someone you were not. I would vow to you above myself, in good and bad.” 

Jean’s heart was thumping so fast that he worried that he would have a heart attack. He put his wet hands on her waist without thinking and hitched his breath. “I never pursued women in Marley, and I didn’t know why, not even other Eldian women.”

Mikasa’s eyes were of uncertainty, and Jean felt even more guilty and ashamed of himself for making her feel like she had to give in to his dreams that he harbored for years, and that he could promise her a lifetime of happiness even if he wasn’t him. He dropped his hands from her waist, but then her hands–slender and warm–cupped the sides of his jaw and lowered his head so she could kiss the middle of his forehead. 

***

Jean struggled to swallow the mouthful of soup, and not just because it was boiling hot–it was spicy, like the peppers that Marleyans warned made people cry. He inhaled and moved his blistering tongue around his mouth. “Good heavens, that was hurtful,” he panted. 

Mikasa twisted her mouth. “I know,” she said, “but you know that the doctor said that this will clear out your system, kill the virus in you.”

Jean turned his head away and sneezed into his sleeve. “Ugh…felt like I sneezed out a chili pepper,” he groaned.

“You may as well have,” said Mikasa. “Your nose is bleeding.”

Jean, groaning louder, sat up and impatiently pulled the shirt over his head despite his aching muscles. “Sorry to keep adding to the laundry load,” he heaved as he fell back onto his pillow. 

“Do not apologize,” said Mikasa. “I’ll let the soup cool down and take this outside, all right?”

“That sounds good,” Jean whispered. 

At that moment, the door opened, and a pair of tiny footsteps walked into the room. “Marco?” said Mikasa. “What is it?”

The five-year-old’s face was on the verge of crying. “Mama…my throat hurts…” He threw back his head and sneezed into the crease of his elbow, trailing colored snot.

Mikasa immediately stood up and lifted her son onto her hip. “I’ll take you into the bathroom, and you can have a nice warm bath. It’s good for fighting the flu.”

Marco whined and rubbed his forehead against her collarbone. 

Mikasa had just stepped out of the bedroom when she heard heaving and lurching in the bedroom across from hers. Without knocking, she opened the door and saw her little girl sitting on the floor with her face in the wastebin pulled between her pale, shaking legs. Poor thing was too weak to walk to the bathroom. “Sasha? Sweetheart?”

The three-year-old weakly lifted her head and started crying. “Mama… make it stop… It’s like sloppy joes…”

Mikasa swiftly helped Sasha onto her other hip and carried her children into the bathroom. She positioned Sasha’s head over the toilet, drew warm water, helped Marco out of his pajamas, and lowered him into the tub. The boy nearly yelped but then closed his eyes. “I don’t feel better yet,” he whined. 

“You will,” his mother promised. “It will take time.” She glanced over the tub and saw that Sasha was on the floor, pressing her forehead against the tiles. “Sasha!”

Sasha protested when her mother tried lifting her. “No, Mama, my head… it feels nice…”

“If you keep laying like that, Sasha, you will only get sicker.” Mikasa removed Sasha’s nightgown and placed her in the tub beside her brother. At their mother’s instruction, the children held their breaths, pinched their noses, and dunked their heads under the surface. Once they came back up, Mikasa gathered their germy pajamas and told them to relax and not try to drown each other while she went outside. She would come back very soon, once she hung the new load to dry.

After five minutes, Mikasa finished hanging the soaking clothes and bedsheets, had unclipped the dry linens, and carried the basket back inside. She set everything onto the kitchen table to fold later and hurried back up to the bathroom. She opened the door and saw that the children were not in the tub. 

Before panic struck, she instantly saw tiny droplets of water trailing into her and Jean’s bedroom. Mikasa followed the trail and peeked inside. 

Marco cuddled to his father, his head on Jean’s ribcage, while Sasha was curled to Jean’s chest. Both children were wearing fresh sleepwear, and they still had towels wrapped around their heads. The three of them, aside from the occasional cough, were napping quite peacefully. Mikasa smiled to herself and left the room to give her sick family peace. 

She went into Sasha’s room to strip off the soaked bedding, but the sheets were already pulled off and in a pile at the foot of the bed. On Sasha’s pillow was a sheet of paper with Jean’s recognizable handwriting: I got this for you. You go take a nap. You deserve it. 

***

When Mikasa woke up from her nap, it was already dark. She didn’t hear coughing, so the children were probably still sleeping. She could probably take down the hanging laundry from outside and set up the beds for when the children woke up. 

Mikasa went downstairs with a candle, but before she went outside, she peeked into the kitchen and saw that not only was the laundry that she brought in earlier folded and stacked on the table, but also folded were the children’s sheets and pajamas that they wore before their bath. Her mouth twitched in affection, and she went into the kitchen to pick up everything. 

Inside, however, she saw Jean, wearing only slippers and a towel with droplets of water on his bare back and arms, at the stove, tending to the spicy soup that she fed him earlier. He turned his head when he heard her approach him and smiled. “Did you have a nice nap?” he asked. 

“Yes,” she said. “You, um…”

Jean smirked and ladled the soup into a small bowl. “Do you want one?” he asked her. “I suspect that you forgot to eat before your nap.”

He was always like that, worrying that Mikasa starved herself. She shrugged and said why not. She accepted the steaming bowl and waited for him to sit across from her before she ate. It was both spicy and hot enough to fully awaken her. 

After the usual questions that Jean was all right, that he enjoyed his bath, how well were the children sleeping, and if anyone vomited or had trouble holding down food, Mikasa beckoned to the basket and folded cloths. “Why did you fold them for me? I could have done it.”

Jean shook his head. “I know, but you deserve rest. You may the only one of us who will remain in perfect health while everyone around you gets sick…but you’re my wife, my dearest love.” He set down his spoon and put his hand over hers. “Remember–we’re in this together, caring for the biggest, most important projects of our lives.”

Mikasa cocked her head and smirked. “I know–”

“But,” he cut her off before she could continue, “that doesn’t mean that I’m going to leave you to everything.” With those words, his thumb gently stroked the back of her hand. “Remember what I said all those years ago? That I would put you above myself in good and bad times?” 

Mikasa didn’t say anything, but she nodded. Jean continued: “I wasn’t saying that so you would give me a chance. I said those words because I meant them, just as much as I do now.” He pulled her hand to himself and kissed her knuckles. “I love you too much.”

Mikasa could not count how many times she heard him say those words, but they always gave her a light feeling in her chest that lifted her spirits. He knew that he could never erase away her old love, nor did he attempt to, but the joy he gave her because of the love he gave and the love that he had for their children made Mikasa glad that she gave him that chance. It was unlike how she imagined her future for years, but sometimes she appreciated how her life in reality was even better than her dream life.

[crisalidaseason]

Ties with frayed ends

Summary: The table scene from Mikasa's perspective, also, she refuses to see Armin being beaten. Content Warnings: spoilers season 4, slight canon divergence, angst, violence, eren being cruel, some dialogue is taken from the table scene, mean eren, toxic eren, platonic arumika, mikasa loves armin very much, mikasa and eren are SIBLINGS here, strictly siblings, mentions of declining mental health, nightmares, night terrors, insecurities, mentions of blood and broken bones, a little eremin if you squint very hard.

Mikasa was numb, hearing and watching everything as if she was outside or her body. The boy - no, the man - seated on her left was far from the sweet green-eyed brother she grew up with. He had an indifferent face, eyes a dull color with all life drained from it. As the blood ran through the cut on Eren’s hand, staining the table cloth, Mikasa wondered if this stranger deserved the name. 

“I just wanna talk to you” Eren’s voice was just as dead as his eyes, but Mikasa’s ears were too muffled to even register that. 

The Ackerman's feelings were in shock, but her instincts caught the trembling of the young girl across from her. She should have known, should have taken her out of that place. No matter what Eren’s words were, Mikasa could feel her senses burning and screaming that something would go horribly wrong.

“More conflict isn’t necessary to solve eldia’s problems…” Eren continued, and at that point Mikasa was only hoping Armin was paying attention.

She looked at Gabi again, still terrified. Her eyes landed on her brother. It was him. That moment solidified what Mikasa feared to even think about in the dead of night: her brother was turning into someone’s devil, his very name and presence causing fear in young hopefull children. Mikasa felt sick, she remembered all those years, listening to the cries of mothers, fathers, lovers, sons and daughters who mourned the ones claimed by the colossal’s first attack. 

“...attack Marley on your own?...” the familiar voice of Armin sometimes brought the girl back to the present. 

She looked at her friend for the first time since entering that room. Her precious Armin. He had bags under his eyes, a horrible shade of purple that never abandoned him. He was speaking, his voice just as soft -and yet firm- as it always had been. He was always such a comprehensive friend, but also his constant need to understand the full story often sent him into such horrible places. His lips moved, his blond eyebrows frowning. He wanted to understand Eren, he always did. 

“I am free, Armin” Eren’s deep voice finally broke her haze. 

Freedom. She wondered what he meant, if he ever knew freedom at all. 

“My actions are governed by nothing but my free will” he said again, eyes dead, so dead. 

He is lying, lying. The voice inside her said. She knew her brother, he was lying. She knew him, didn’t she? He would not choose to do those horrible things, her brother was not like that. Eren had his fair share of crimes, so did she and Armin and everyone else, but he would never…he would not do all of that on purpose. Eren was not evil, she could not bring herself to accept that. 

Armin spoke again, but she could not hold herself anymore.

“No way” she spoke for the first time, her voice harsher than she would ever speak to him “you’re being manipulated. The Eren I know would never involve civilians and children in a war even if they were enemies”

His eyes were so dull, so dull.

“And you wouldn’t risk our lives either!” she continued “you care about us, don’t you?”

She was not fully aware, but Armin’s hand touched her elbow, slightly trying to pull her down, yet she still stood up. Her mind and body were restless.

“You rescued me from that cabin, you wrapped this scarf around me” she felt her eyes sting, her hands holding the red cloth “you’re a kind-”

“I said keep your hands on the table, Mikasa!” Eren firmly exclaimed.

Silence. Mikasa felt her eyes burn in solidarity to her chest. He was never the most quiet person, neither held his rudeness around her and Armin when his feelings were all over the place, but something about his words, his face, felt different. She sat down, feeling her legs wanting to give up, then she noticed Armin’s touch. 

“Back in Liberio, I spoke with Zeke. Brother to brother”

Brother? Her throat went dry, the stinging in her eyes suddenly running down her body, stopping on her trembling angry hands. Brother. Zeke. A man who Eren never met before, a man who murdered their comrades as if he was playing, a man who was never there when Eren had fevers, never cleaned his cuts and bruises, never comforted him in moments of grief and neither celebrated his moments of joy. Zeke was never there, but she was. How dare he call Zeke brother.

“I don’t-” Armin’s eyes were wide.

A gasp from Armin sent her back into the present. She was succumbing to distractions, she needed to return. 

“If memories play a major role in shaping us into the people we are, then part of you has become Bertholdt” Eren spoke, his green eyes burning on his friend “within you is an enemy who has feelings for another enemy. Do you understand? Bertholdt has gotten into your head, you’re the one being manipulated by the enemy”

He did not. Eren did not say that. Mikasa was torn between shedding tears and breaking something. He had no right to do that, he had no right to poke at Armin’s fears knowing all of those horrible nights in which the blonde screamed after a nightmare. Bertholdt’s memories haunted the blond boy for so long that Mikasa worried that her friend would never recover. 

ººººº

“I feel as if there is someone sharing my mind, my body. And they are so many, Mikasa, so many!” the blue eyes were full of tears, his entire body shaking violently, his voice falling him after waking up screaming. Mikasa could only feel her heart twist at the sight of a nightmare frightened Armin. 

“I’m here” she would say to him, embracing Armin’s shaking figure. 

“Where is he?” Armin would whisper.

“Not here”

ººººº

“Why would you-” Mikasa yelled, her anger was already coming to the surface. She had shown Eren her wrath before whenever he was slightly rude to Armin, and she would not hesitate to put her brother in his place, she would-

“You’re being controlled too” he directed his vile speech at her “the Ackerman clan was designed to be perfect to protect their host.”

Shut up, she wanted to say.

“Your ackerman instincts were dormant until that life or death situation in which you heard me order you to fight. The strength and certainty you felt that moment were awakened because your blood mistook me for the host you were made to protect”

“That can’t be” shut up.

“Why not?” he continued, his eyes burning her this time. Her eyes also burned, the tears were forming. She knew it. 

“It wasn’t a mistake” her voice was failing her “it’s because it was you, it had to be you, you are why I became strong! how could that be a mistake?”

“As an ackerman with awakened powers, you’re apparently supposed to get headaches frequently” Eren ignored her pleaded “Research said it’s the Ackerman trying to resist being forced to protect their host. Sounds familiar?

“You’re wrong” Mikasa wanted to scream, but she could only whisper.

ººººº

“What if I am…just a tool” she confessed on a late night insomnia session with Armin and Eren “What if they’re right?”

The trio was laying on a small bed, Mikasa laying on Armin’s stomach and her feet resting on Eren’s lap. Armin was looking at the ceiling, the thin pillow supporting his neck from the cold wall, he would occasionally put little braids on Mikasa’s hair to occupy his hands. Eren was almost dozing off, he had tried to stay awake with the other two insomniacs but always ended up sleeping. 

“They are not!” Armin said, tugging one of her braids softly “You’re Mikasa and that’s all. You’re my best friend, Sasha’s biggest torment, Captain Levi’s bane. 

“You’re fun, your dry humor is one of the best things whenever dinner is miserable, your also have the best gossip to share and the worst advice” Eren commented, his speech slurring. 

She laughed, rolling her eyes at them. She was horrible comforting people.

“You know what I mean”

“And I also know it’s irrational to think you’re just a mind controlled person” he firmly told her “let’s forget this nonsense, hm? What do you think about stealing something from the kitchens” Armin said, looking at her with his menacing smile, like the little thief he was. 

ººººº

Eren knew how she felt about being diminished as a person, how people were quick to judge her actions and behaviors with no grayscale. He knew how dehumanized she felt and yet there he was, reminding her of the quiet insecurity that haunted her deeply. 

“What I am saying is that you belong to a clan that was created to protect and obey. You are slaves” he almost seemed proud of every word he uttered. 

“Stop, leave her alone!” Armin yelled at Eren, which almost distracted her. Armin was never one to yell unless severely distressed. 

“You wanna know what I hate more in this world?” Eren ignored Armin, eyes still focused on hers “anyone who isn’t free, you are no better than cattle”

“Eren” Armin’s warning tone reached her eyes.

“The mere sight of you has always made me so angry…now I know why. I could not stand seeing a slave with no mind of her own, who always followed orders without question”

Shut up, shut up, shut up! She wanted to scream, punch, hurt him. He had no right to say those things to her, to Armin, to anybody!

“Believe me when I say that, Mikasa” his voice would forever haunt her “ever since I was a kid, I hated you”

Time seemed to stop, the words repeating and reverberating in her head. She searched for a single drop of regret over his words, and she found none. She found dull and dead green eyes, his venom filled voice consuming her heart. Her blood was so loud on her ears that Mikasa almost did not register when Armin lunged himself across the table with a cry of rage. In a matter of seconds, her body acted faster than her mind, and she pinned the blond boy on the table before his fist could collide with Eren’s face. She looked at her hands, at Armin’s blue eyes filled with pain, reflecting her own hurt feelings. 

What have I done, she thought, Why am I protecting him if all he does is hurt us?

Mikasa let go of Armin, looking hatefully at her own traitorous hands. At that point, she had no strength to stop the blonde, she had no right to restrain him after what Eren told him. Eren was no more, the man in front of them was not her brother, her friend. He was a stranger, lost in the threads of her memory. She was tired, she was so tired. Her heart was in so much pain that Mikasa feared it would give up beating.

What have we become?

As soon as Armin’s fist made contact with Eren’s face, she knew this was over. Armin’s burst of anger was the proof she needed, they were not a trio anymore. Eren left them for good, so distant that she would never be able to reach him. Armin was all she had left, and as Mikasa watched Eren pull the blonde by the collar and throw him on the ground…she snapped. If Eren was no more, he would not touch anything precious to her. Never. 

Against her own heart and mind screaming at her, Mikasa jumped over the downturned table and grabbed Eren’s shirt, yanking him back. 

He is your brother!!

Her punch broke his jaw.

He is Armin’s friend, he loves him!

The other punch cracked Eren’s nose. 

He is not lost, we can’t save him!

She cried, screamed. Her tears mixed with the blood pouring from Eren’s nose. If her brother was trying to defend himself, she did not notice it. She kept going, punch after punch. 

Why are you doing this! Stop, Mikasa-

“Stop!!” Armin’s voice took her by surprise “Mikasa, stop!”

She felt Armin’s hands digging into her sides while he tried to lift her from Eren’s middle section. The blonde was not weak as the others said, he had a considerable amount of strength, but Mikasa had monstrous force whenever she was out of her mind, the blond struggled to lift her, resorting to words.

“Mikasa, we need to leave. Now!” He yelled “the others need us!”

She stood up, eyes hyper focused on her bloodied brother. She saw the damage’s result on her hands, still trembling. She had done that, she…she hurt her own brother. 

“Mikasa” Armin pleaded, trying to catch her eyes “we have to go”

Mikasa was breathing heavily, her throat felt like sandpaper, a result of her screams of rage and sorrow that she did not remember uttering, but all the soldiers, Armin, Gabi and Eren himself witnessed. 

“We lost him” Armin’s voice was nothing but a whisper, a pained one.

She finally landed her eyes on her friend. He had a visibly broken nose, which made her cringe at the sight of his face swelling. She hesitated for far too long. 

“We lost him” she whispered back.

Eren’s groans caught her attention again. He was still on the ground, holding his stomach where she most likely kneeled him. He had blood all over his face and staining the floor. Mikasa felt horrible. Everything was wrong. They were supposed to see the ocean together, travel the world together, maybe come back to some peaceful place and live together. They were meant to be three in one. 

But Eren was never within reach.

[rahuratna]

Hello friend ✌️

I have come here to ask the age-old question: why did Levi choose Armin over Erwin. I googled it and I was not happy with the answers 😂 😭 😭

Erwin’s motivations

This is probably because of my bias for Erwin. He’s probably my favorite character from AOT. In terms of his dream of wanting to discover the truth, is it selfish? I mean like, I guess?? But not really? I feel like it’s just a human thing to just want to know why things work the way they do and to want to find a deeper meaning beyond what we already see. In the case of AOT though, Erwin’s desire for truth is pitted against the survival and future of humanity. How so? Well for Erwin, it’s just his personal goal, while the survival of humanity is all-encapsulating, something that everyone else wants.

I don’t like it when it’s framed like this :(

Mainly because these two goals aren’t that different or separated even if they are shared unevenly by different people. If humanity wants survival, they have to uncover the “truth” (truth in quotes because later there were two different versions of the story from Marleyans and Eldians, and so we realize that no objective truth exists). Erwin is willing to sacrifice soldiers for the pursuit of exploration and knowledge, which can be interpreted as cruel or selfish. But if we flip it around— sacrifice is needed to save the future of humanity— it feels more justifiable in that regard.

Basically i boil it down to this: Erwin’s motivations are not exactly the same as the other’s, but his own motivations aid towards this broader goal. Especially with his willingness to sacrifice/gamble, which he believes is the only way to move forward (that’s hawt).

Armin’s motivations

Armin wants to discover something he hasn’t seen before: the ocean. And it’s rooted more deeply into the idea of the existence of something more meaningful beyond what we already have. It’s somewhat similar to Erwin’s goals, but I think this resonates a lot more with Levi considering his upbringing. Growing up in the underground, he knew there was something more above. His goal was to bring him and his group of friends there, just like Armin wanting for him and Eren to see the ocean.

Was armin willing to sacrifice the lives of other soldiers simply for the ocean? Probably not 💀 That’s not the right question though. Would he do it for humanity? Again, probably not at first, keeping in mind that he was still young then.

My interpretation

Here,I’m assuming that Levi’s decision was made based on humanity’s future/survival, so who would be the best fit to contribute, and not just through leadership. The problem is that with Armin, we still had no idea what he could do in the future, but we had a glimpse with his strategic skills.

How would his potential live up to Erwin’s abilities to lead, motivate, and take risks? Basically it’s uncertain at that point. So the way how I like to interpret it is that Levi is taking a page from Erwin’s book. Changing his mind in the heat of the moment was his own way of gambling, betting that Armin could either further carry on the legacy, or find a new approach to saving humanity. I think it’s the latter. Was Levi expecting Armin to live up to what Erwin had already set? I don’t think so. It’s specifically Armin’s unique creative and strategically thinking he’s betting on. It’s something different, and that in itself is the gamble. In this way, I could see the impact Erwin had on Levi.

Discussion:

There’s other factors to consider too like bias, Eren/Mikasa, etc. Levi said something like Erwin deserves to rest peacefully now. Maybe because Erwin was already willing to give up his dream and die (*sob sob*) right before when he charged straight towards death with the soldiers… In comparison, Armin wasn’t ready yet. Ahhhh, idk idk

What do you think went through Levi’s head in the heat of the moment? Do you think Armin had “lived up” to the standards or somehow set himself apart? (Imma be honest, I barely remember how Armin contributed to the show after that event…)

Sometimes I think, oh yeah, I’m completely over AoT. But this is probably something I’ll never get over. 😭 😭

Hope you are having a lovely day, it’s almost Friday!! 💞💞

- Court

Hi @courtneedsleep !! I finally get round to answering this one. And oh boy, did I have many thoughts that required some serious unpacking. I think the most interesting thing about this, is if you'd asked me about it closer to the time I watched the show, I might have given you a different response based on my strong reaction back then. Since then, I've been able to think a little more objectively (even though those strong feelings remain) and tell you some of what I've been considering.

I absolutely agree on all of the points you made here, and will just expand on them a little with some of the thoughts I've had since the show's conclusion.

Levi's decision ... didn't make much sense to me at all at first. I wouldn't say I was surprised by that turn of events (I believe that we were meant to see the fates of Armin, Erin and Mikasa play out as cogs in the wheel of this epic story) but placing the decision in Levi's hands did raise many questions for me.

I will say that I think Levi's decision was more intuitive rather than based on cold logic. You've already given an amazing breakdown on Erwin and his motivations. He is a man who needs, with a certain fundamental drive, to know the truth. Erwin's truth is not subjective to him. It is clear-cut, set in stone, indisputable. He would lay down the evidence before mankind, even if it meant panic, discord and even loss of life.

Having said that, I don't see Erwin as some kind of zealot in search of selfish meaning, to find answers for himself in order to be satisfied with the status quo. He is a man who has consistently shown that he has great FAITH in humanity; in its ability to adapt, overcome, conquer.

Conquering fear is no easy feat, considering the sheer horror of what the Survey Corps endure outside the walls. The refrain of 'offer up your hearts' never grows old, no matter how many times we hear it through the series. There is a visceral image here, of these men and women who voluntarily place their bodies and minds on the line, who offer up their flesh to the titans so that humanity can progress and find a foothold in this world.

Erwin's speech and final charge is the most perfect rendering of his own beliefs. He looks like a man possessed, a man facing his own death with a blaze of courage, dare I say it, a zealot leading his soldiers headlong to their own destruction?

But is that really what it is? In Erwin's final moments, I saw fear. I saw the same rictus of crippling existential horror one has when they realise how very, very small their existence truly is, placed against a backdrop of all creation. Maybe that's me projecting and being dramatic, as usual, lol, but I felt that the scene was cathartic alongside the hopelessness, violence, ugliness and juxtaposed beauty it conveys. Death is the greatest equalizer, and Erwin rode to his death alongside the same men and woman he commanded.

Erwin faced his destruction in full knowledge of the pain and horror that awaited them. He also did so with a firm belief inside him, that his sacrifice wasn't in vain. He fully believed that the future generations, the youngsters Levi raised, would grow to be a force for change and revolution in their own right.

He couldn't have foreseen the truth behind their walled city, and the secret of the basement, but something tells me that he had an unerring instinct that their world existed on a perilous platform, one barely held in balance by the forces that governed and surrounded it. He wanted to know this truth with such desperation, and yet, handed the dream over at the very end when he CHOSE to end his own life.

Levi's choice, as you said, is very much spurred on by Erwin and his unique outlook. After all, who took the boy from the slums, who had the bleakest future ahead of him if he remained entrapped, and gave him the opportunities that transformed him into humanity's strongest soldier?

Erwin's belief in others, and their ability to live up to their true potential, knows no bounds. I wouldn't say that it's rooted in altruism. He knows far too much of the world (and the ugliness of humans) for that. I would even venture to say that he made use of Levi's loyalty to him in certain ways. But that powerful belief in humanity as a whole, in the triumph of truth, even with great cost, speaks volumes about Erwin's character, and the core of his conscious thought process.

It is no wonder that some of this transferred to Levi, who was then able to make the decision to save Armin. Even if Erwin did forsee the very slim probability of himself hanging onto life by a thread, one that would allow Levi to revive him, I think that he would have been completely satisfied with Levi's decision.

After all, he placed all of his trust in Levi to lead humanity to victory, even if, in the end, humanity was pitted against itself. He believed in the continuation of hope, of a torch of life handed down to those who survive, much like a certain progenitor of the titans. She encountered something alien that gave her the ability to pass her dreams for freedom onto others who inherited her will, enshrined in her very flesh.

Erwin's legacy is no less symbolic in its physicality. Armin has many things to offer, in his ingenuity, his analytical ability, his ability to manipulate to gain advantages and, above all, his dream for a better world for him and his friends. I think that Erwin offered up his heart, his body, his mind, so that some human in times to come, not necessarily Armin, could partake of his dream and lay the table for humanity's future.

As he intended.

Thank you for the lovely analysis, and for letting me express all the THOUGHTS I've had stewing about AoT for a while now!

[liquorisce]

monster

rating: g

ao3

summary: Post Canon. A letter from Armin to Mikasa telling her that he is coming to visit, and Mikasa's response.

...

Dear Mikasa, 

How are you? Sorry, I suppose that is a difficult question to answer, but I think about it often. After everything. Every night when I wake up in a sweat, toes dipped in a pool of blood, I think of how you must be feeling. Do you dream of this too? Of him? In my dreams sometimes he is as we saw him last, big and cruel and with lifeless eyes, sometimes there is a punch to my gut and he shoves me to my knees and hurts me. But other times he is small, we both are— the three of us— and his hand extends to mine, to help me catch up to the both of you. We are running up the hill and it is beautiful, like it was when we were younger. But in the end, he is always dead. That isn’t a dream, though huh. It’s reality. I sound silly I suppose— a bit like Eren, sometimes I can’t tell what’s real and what isn’t.

Anyway, I am okay. It’s not all bad. I really wanted to tell you, it felt kind of insane to have you not know. The nights have gotten easier for me, when I wake now I don’t feel like screaming  anymore. Don’t get me wrong: the nightmares do not leave me easily, there is far too much blood on my hands for that. But I don’t feel alone in them anymore. When I wake there is a hand in mine, a warm body next to me, someone who sees these terrors behind closed eyes and understands them. What I’m trying to say— God, it’s embarrassing to admit it, is that Annie and I… Well, you knew already didn’t you? Annie told me that you knew. That you took one look at her and knew her feelings. I kind of envy that, to be honest. I wish I could have looked at her and just known. It would’ve saved a lot of fumbling and stupidity on my part. But anyway, it’s not like we had time for romance then. Even now it feels weird calling it that— I feel guilty. So many people probably never got the time for romance, they were killed. By us. Neither did Eren— well I don’t have to tell you about it. 

When I first knew that I liked her, I was a mess— we knew nothing back then, titans were monsters, so far removed from us, the foreigner, the enemy, the invader. I was in love with a monster and it should’ve repulsed me, but it didn’t. When you looked the other way I went down to the cellars and poured my heart out to her. And then I became a monster and I suppose it all equaled out in the end. But that’s the thing, Mikasa— nobody made me a monster, I always was. At the end of the day, nobody painted the blood on my hands, I dirtied them. It was my fault Eren became the way he did, did you know that? I showed him those books, I made him do what he did and then I couldn’t save him— God, I’m sorry, Annie says I should stop saying things like this, that it’s not my fault, and some days I believe her, but most days I don’t. Today isn’t one of those days. Sorry, it must seem pointless to keep talking about this, but what I mean to say is that it is always on my mind. The human cost of my survival, I mean. I am alive, and safe— and in love, even— and I don’t often feel like I deserve it. On bad days, when I close my eyes Bertholdt is looking at me, into my eyes, into my skull, he can see my every thought. He can see me living the life he was supposed to live, holding the hands of the girl he was supposed to love. But on good days, and it is hard to keep repeating this to myself, I tell myself that I deserve it. Because I need to keep moving forward. Because I sat next to Eren when he knew was about to die and watched him cry because he knew wouldn’t get to live a long life with you, with us. You understand what I’m saying, don’t you? We deserve to be happy. I want to be happy, I want you to be happy. I wish I could see you and know you were doing okay. 

In two weeks, I will board a ship— Annie and Jean and Connie and Reiner and Pieck, they are coming too— for Paradis. We will visit Historia. I know you don’t want to be part of this anymore, I know you just want to rest. But I hope I’ll get to see you. We’ll be visiting the headquarters for a week. Please come see me, Mikasa. I miss you.

Love, Armin

...

Armin, 

This is the fourth letter I’m writing to you, all previous attempts are now in the trash. I miss you so much. I wish we could all live in the same town again. I wish I could invite you and Annie for dinner. Yes, I could hear you gushing through your letter, and it makes me happy that you both are happy. But please don’t call yourself a monster, Armin. You were never a monster  in my eyes. Annie, on the other hand… 

… Just kidding. 

You asked me a question and I don’t quite know how to answer it. How am I feeling? I don’t know. On some days I barely know that I’m alive. I built myself a house on the edge of the forest, and when I was building it I had something to do. Something to keep my hands busy. The days would be tiring and the nights sleepless. Armin, this is going to sound very strange to you but after I came here, I felt as if I didn’t know how to be alone. I didn’t know how to sleep alone. I didn’t know how to cook alone, I didn’t know how to walk alone. Well maybe it isn’t strange, because all our lives we have been together. I have never truly been alone before this. But my loneliness is now particularly difficult: it is as if, for each day prior to that day, I had a different life. For four long years, I had Eren. Did he tell you that? That we lived together? That I woke up to him and went to sleep with his arm around my waist? That when I cooked he would stand behind me, or chop the vegetables or go fish, and when I slept before him, he made sure to cover me with blankets? I didn’t know it when I told you I was leaving, but it is the loneliness that feels most disorienting. For so many years, I have never known what it is like for Eren to not be by my side. And even for that brief time, when he left me to go to Marley, I was still reaching for him.  Now I have nowhere to reach, nothing to reach for. The bed is cold, and I need to chop firewood myself, if I want to be warm. Nobody cares if I am cold and tired. I have nobody to care for. 

You talk about good days and bad days: On bad days I am awake but I cannot find the strength to do anything, I feel like I am drowning in my tears. On good days my eyes are closed and they only open in dreams– dreams where Eren is still with me. We go down to the creek to fish together and get tired of waiting so we go for a swim. On cold nights, we sit by the fireplace with a warm blanket and the heat of his body and I convince myself I will never be  cold again. I hear him call my name, and I feel like my being has a purpose, a meaning, and things make sense to me. On other days I feel like I am only half-alive, my body carries itself to the market, it buys food to keep itself alive, my body takes out the right change to pay the woman at the vegetable cart, says hello to the son of the baker who tells me I need to eat more— apparently I look weak, I was never weak before this, I used to be strong.

I don’t really question if I deserve to be happy. I don’t know if I can be. I don’t know if I have it in me to move this body, this soul, without the immense burden of loss. Inside me there is a pit, a black hole, and I don’t know if happiness will survive inside it. But it makes me happy that you are happy. Your letter made me smile. Of course I will visit you. Please keep writing to me, Armin. I cannot wait to see you.

Yours,

Mikasa