#I think it would mean so much to Edwin to hear it from Charles

[that-ineffable-devil]

I love the Cat King, but I think it would be a really interesting parallel if, in season 2, Edwin opens up to Charles about how part of the reason he helps others is based in his hope for leniency should he be forced back to Hell.

Edwin should have the opportunity to share that willingly with someone who really loves him.

Edwin thinks it makes him a bad person because it is, in a way, selfish.

But Charles would never let him think that about himself. Not after all these years. Not after the time Edwin spent with him as he died, making sure his last hours were peaceful and filled with laughter.

[pippin-katz]

So, you know how Edwin screams for Charles as he’s being dragged back to Hell? Because he’s scared?

I was thinking about why, and it’s obvious. No big brain moment here. Someone you care about, who you know cares about you in return, brings even the smallest amount of comfort in situations where you are scared. They make you feel safe, so when you’re in danger you want them near you.

Edwin screams for him while being dragged away to Hell, and calls to him when he’s strapped into Esther’s device before the torture starts.

Yeah, we already know that, but I noticed something yesterday.

When you’re thinking about the show in general, Charles is the one who does the physical rescuing and protecting. Edwin’s best way of doing that is to make sure nothing goes awry so Charles won’t have to rescue someone. He prevents the danger from happening the best he can, while Charles charges at the danger if he has to. Edwin actually calling to Charles for help more makes sense given how their methods of helping each other differ.

But yesterday, I was working on something, and I like to listen to the show in the background sometimes (gotta boost those numbers for my boys ✌🏻). I can typically finish the whole show in a day cause it’s not long, so I started it at the beginning.

While listening to them tussling with the WWI ghost, obviously Charles yells, “Edwin! Hurry the fuck up!”

It’s an instruction and emphasis of the urgency and the need for speed in this situation. Telling someone to hurry up is used in all sorts of contexts, serious and unserious. You might say it with frustration if you were trying meet a deadline with a partner, or angrily while playing some video game that has timers, or with concern if you were waiting for important updates on the conditions of an injured friend.

Charles is a combination of them because the situation has been getting out of hand and he can’t do anything about it. He needs Edwin to cast the spell to break the curse.

But it’s while Edwin is saying the spell that Charles yells just his name. It had always created a feeling in my chest, but I couldn’t pinpoint it.

Listening to it with headphones (multiple times) and while not being distracted by the visuals allowed my brain to focus on just the voices, and how I felt while listening to them. I’ve listened it so many times over the last month, and I finally managed to fully figure it out!

The roughness in his voice from yelling so loud. The desperation that seeps into it. The way he enunciates his name, stress on and the pitch raising on the second syllable, similar to the way you'd ask a question, when the stress is usually on the first syllable, and the pitch usually goes down.

This is maybe the only time in the entire series where Charles sounds scared (excluding flashbacks). I don’t mean the “worried about someone” type of scared; we get to hear that a couple times, mostly when Edwin is taken back to Hell.

But no, here he is scared for himself.

He’s gotten thrown around. He’s gotten choked. He’s gotten knocked onto the ground on his back, being pinned down by a malevolent ghost of a soldier, who also has a knife and is very much trying to stab him right now.

Charles has done everything he can. Now, he just needs to not get hurt until Edwin breaks the curse. But that’s easier said than done when your opponent has basically every advantage. He’s struggling! He has been struggling! And now he's about to be stabbed!

He yells to Edwin because he’s scared, and he knows Edwin will do everything in his power to protect him in a dangerous situation, just as Charles would for him. It’s cry for help instead of an instruction.

But it's also a reassuring gesture for himself. Edwin is there. He trusts Edwin. Edwin is his safety. He has been since he met him in the attic, and became the first person in a very long time, maybe ever, to show so much care, and protectiveness toward him, after everyone in his life had hurt him or had watched him be hurt and did nothing. Edwin won’t let anything happen to him. Edwin is going to save him. And he believes it despite his fear, and Edwin does!

His means of doing so look very different from Charles’, but it’s through breaking the curse that he’ll save Charles rather than trying to fight the ghost off of him. That won’t work. Edwin can’t physically do that, and it wouldn’t stop the ghost from continuing to attack them. So despite him being several feet away casting a spell instead of running to Charles, he is protecting and saving him. And Charles knows that too.

It creates a weird fuzzy feeling in my chest to know that Edwin is the person Charles thinks of when he's scared. It's obvious that Edwin sees Charles as safety, so it feels rarer to see the opposite on display. They are each other's safety, and that is fucking special.

(ko-fi)

[autumn-equinox-04]

this might be a bit of a hot take but. i don’t think crystal would take the news of charles and edwin so well at first.

and HEAR ME OUT before bringing out the cricket bats, alright. i love crystal as much as anybody, i think her character is so relatable and her arc shows how much she’s grown as a person. however, sometimes old habits die hard. i saw a comic of it on here (this post) where the artist represented crystal’s darker thoughts as this specter version of herself that whispered in her ear and made her lash out, and i think it’s exactly this.

she clearly has feelings for charles, and the reason she broke it off in the first place was because she was dealing with david and needed time, not because she didn’t see charles in that way anymore. i think she’d be willing to try again, for as long as they could have before she ages too much, but of course charles would realize how deeply in love with edwin he is by then and be no longer available.

and this would hurt. rejection hurts, no matter where or who it comes from. and we’ve seen that the way crystal sometimes reacts to hurt is by lashing out, which is what i think would happen.

obviously, this doesn’t make her a bad person - in fact, she’s proven herself to be a fundamentally good person, despite some of her morally gray actions. all this means is that she’s human.

she would eventually become supportive, i know she would. she cares deeply for both charles and edwin (though she might be reluctant to admit the last part) and she would apologize for lashing out and become one of their biggest fans.

but yeah. just a thought

[wordsinhaled]

some edwardian slang/turns of phrase from this dictionary that i imagine are still in edwin’s vocabulary, or his internal monologue, or private writing (some a bit more late victorian in the sense of years but since there was overlap in the eras in practice, could probably still in use in edwin’s time)

there are lots of other words and turns of phrase listed at the link above, but these are just some i thought were neat for edwin specifically! <3

top-hole - he does use this one on the show! for excellent, the very best (“top-hole job today, niko” <3)

wizard - excellent, as in “a wizard time” - please imagine edwin telling charles he had a wizard time after a date… so cute…

nasty jar - a bit of a sticky situation

grig - grasshopper or cricket. “merry as a grig” - ecstatic or jumping for joy

footle (nonsense) - talk nonsense or waste time

cropper - hard fall, as from a horse. usually used in “come a cropper” as in to come to ruin or fail miserably

balmy on the crumpet - insane

fast for extravagant or wild and flash for showy

poodle-faker - a man who spent too much time in the society of women, engaging in such activates as tea parties, balls, etc. - i imagine it would be the sort of thing edwin would hear said about people or implied about himself…

other words and phrases still being used today - “crack up” - to praise or laud (i assume this would be a “not all it’s cracked up to be” sort of usage); “nightie” for nightgown; “rooky” for a new recruit; “cushy” for easy (1915); and “down” - to be critical - i’m assuming this would be used as in “he was down on himself,” more or less the way it is now but not 100% sure; but to note, to be “screwed” was to be drunk or intoxicated, compared to say, if crystal were to say “we’re screwed!” during a case and mean it as hopeless. also, “feeling punk” was feeling ill (1896)

heart-whole (not in love) and repining for/that (longing/yearning for/thinking regretfully of), e. g. “His tendency… to repine for even the minutiæ of his old life” (1897, but close enough) or “bitterly repining” - these would absolutely show up in edwin’s journal…

see “repining” as “yearning” in this bit of “A Song of Eternity in Time” by Sidney Lanier (written 1867, revised 1879), which gives me such payneland feelings

Once, at night, in the manor wood

My Love and I long silent stood,

Amazed that any heavens could

Decree to part us, bitterly repining.

My Love, in aimless love and grief,

Reached forth and drew aside a leaf

That just above us played the thief

And stole our starlight that for us was shining.

[moonyswritinq]

I can’t wait to read your fics! Your writing is awesomeeee!

Can we know whatchu got in the inbox already plsssss?

(Btw I just discovered your blog but it’s so cooooool!)

😍

* REQUESTS ARE CLOSED FOR NOW ! *

thank you so much! it really means a lot to me to hear that <3

and for sure, I'll tell you what I got, in no particular order. I've written what the ship is, the form it's going to be written in—if it's decided (which can be subject to change if you have opinions on it)—, context to it and its status if it's started. I also added some projects that I haven't had requested but are working on, just in case you are curious about that (because I realised I had not updated about them for about a year, so sorry).

MASTERLIST, TAG LIST, REQUEST RULES

Dead Boy Detectives

Charles Rowland:

Charles x gn reader, headcanons and oneshot — based on the song 'So American' by Olivia Rodrigo : finished

Charles x gn reader, headcanons and oneshot — reader is short and alive

Charles x male reader, oneshot — Charles pines for reader and doesn't know how to confess his feelings

Charles x gn reader, headcanons — just cute headcanons : just started

Charles x gn reader, headcanons and oneshot — established relationship, alive reader who is psychic/has powers

Charles x male reader, headcanons and oneshot — Charles with an s/o who is European (prob Italian)

Charles x alive! gn reader, oneshot — how Charles would react to Crystal and Niko's roomate (reader) getting hurt on a case

Charles x alive! gn reader, oneshot — Charles is worried the reader will get hurt if they help on cases, so in retaliation they stubbornly put on loads of iron jewelry to keep him from stopping them

Edwin Payne/Paine:

Platonic Edwin x sibling! gn reader, oneshot — reader has been wandering the earth as a ghost in search of their brother, and accidentally run across him in a small town in America : finished

Platonic Edwin x gn reader, headcanons and oneshot — reader is a witch and Edwin does not trust them in the beginning, but they end up with a sibling relationship

Edwin x psychic! alive male reader, headcanons and oneshot — reader is the opposite of his partner Edwin; energetic, outgoing, impulsive, and often gives him ghost heart attacks trying to prevent him from dying

Monty the Crow:

Monty x gn reader, prob oneshot — non-native reader (prob French) that struggles with english and Monty thinks it's cute/reassures them

Monty x male reader, headcanons and oneshot — vampire gothic reader who shows affection in strange ways and loves to listen to Monty talk

Monty x gn (maybe male) reader, oneshot — painting Monty's nails black in a tender and intimate scene

Monty x ghost!gn reader, oneshot or headcanons — Monty goes after the wrong ghost

Monty x male (or genderfluid) reader, oneshot or headcanons — Monty has a crush on reader but feels guilty because of Esther's plan

Thomas the Cat King:

Thomas x male reader, oneshot — enemies/rivals to lovers where reader is more of a dog person so you know it's going to be lots of tension : just started

Thomas x ftm reader, prob oneshot — a fallen angel reader who got hurt and gets reassurance and help from The Cat King

Thomas x male reader, prob headcanons — reader is stoic and ace, yet not sex-repulsed, but The Cat King has to work differently to gain his affections than through his sexuality

Thomas x gn reader (or x Edwin), oneshot — a poor soul narrowly avoided Esther's capture and takes refuge in The Cat King's palace

Thomas x male reader, oneshot or headcannons — enemies to lovers with the Cat King and the Dog King (reader)

Thomas x mage!gn reader, oneshot — the reader is Edwin's descendant and helps out on cases, always thinking about the two ghosts and never about themselves. The Cat King notices this and helps them unearth some repressed desires

Painland/Payneland:

Charles x Edwin, prob oneshot — friends to lovers in a non-modern AU where they didn't die

Charles x Edwin, oneshot — Charles realises his feelings earlier and says he loves Edwin back in that scene

Edwin / The Cat King:

Edwin x Thomas, oneshot — Edwin finds himself paying a lot of attention to cats in London, though he hasn't figured out why, which is something The Cat King notices and decides to send him a little something to remind Edwin of him

Edwin x Thomas, oneshot — the rest of the Detective Agency find out about Edwin's relationship with The Cat King and chaos ensues

Miscellaneous:

Dead Boy Detectives x male reader, oneshot — reader has powers and works with the detectives on a case

Poly Edwin x Charles x gn reader, headcanons and oneshot — established relationship with fluffy moments between the three : may not be written (don't love poly but we'll see)

Dead Boy Detectives x supernatural!male reader, headcanons — the boys get a crush on the feminine presenting supernatural being and then finds it out he's a man

Platonic! Edwin x gn reader x Thomas, oneshot — part two of Runs in the Family, The Cat King finds out Edwin has a sibling and shifts his attention : may not be written (there will be NO incest)

Lord of the Rings

Legolas Greenleaf:

Legolas x male reader, oneshot — reader and Legolas drink way too much at a pub, ignoring any onlookers and opting to share a dance together : not requested

The Marauders

Regulus Black:

Regulus x ftm reader, oneshot — fluffy scene, maybe dysphoria comfort

Regulus x male reader, oneshot/series — academic rivals to lovers that resolves with a lot of tension at a Slytherin party : not requested, almost finished

The Maze Runner

Newt:

Newt x male reader, prob oneshot — Newt is very protective of reader, could be in the Glade or in the Scorch Trials or in the Last City

Newt x ftm reader, headcanons and oneshot — best friends to lovers and everyone in the Glade knows about them

The Umbrella Academy

Male Original Character, series — with a charismatic & overdramatic who flirts with everyone, multiple ships : not requested, but a long work in progress

Outer Banks

JJ Maybank:

JJ x male reader, oneshot — reader is a surfer and manages to impress JJ enough to get invited to a party, where they play truth or dare and silly things happen : not requested

Sherlock

Sherlock Holmes:

Sherlock x male reader (or oc), oneshot — reader is a genius, autistic, and a cat person, and help Sherlock with one of his cases, thus earning his attention immediately : just started

Star Wars

Obi-Wan Kenobi:

Obi-Wan x male reader, oneshot — part two of Caught in the Moment, which would be the aftermath of them finding out about Obi-Wan and the reader's relationship during a joint training session

Stranger Things

Eddie Munson:

Eddie x gn reader, headcanons and oneshot — shy reader who needs to let loose, Eddie takes it upon himself to show them a good time and they really come out of their shell

Eddie x male reader, oneshot — reader stumbles onto Eddie's magasins which are bookmarked with people that look suspiciously like reader, so gay confession ensues : may not be written (original request too lewd so I changed but don't know if I'm inspired enough to write it)

hope this helps if you want to request something or just to see what's to come in the near future :) you guys have really put me to the test and to work and I appreciate it more than you can believe. if you cannot see a request you've made her then I will not write it, sorry (prob bc it went against my rules or was too sexual).

if you want to encourage me to write faster/more a good way is to read, like, reblog, and comment what I have already written. I loooove feedback and encouragement

[onpointedfeetandbrokendreams]

Day 1 - DBDA Week

Day 1 of Dead Boy Detectives Appreciation Week: 10th-16th June by @dbdcentral

Prompt: Things Unsaid

Relationships: Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland, Edwin Payne&Crystal Palace&Charles Rowland

Tags: Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Fluff

TW: None

--

“Since this seems to be continuing,” Edwin said while motioning between him and Charles with his free hand. “I think I should tell you about what happened with the Cat King.”

Charles grimaced for a moment, before nodding encouragingly. Even if he appreciated the attempt at understanding silence, Edwin could practically hear the ‘so something did happen!’ in his eyes.

“He, well…” Edwin knew it had been his own conscious decision to start that particular conversation, but now that it was time to actually say the words, he couldn't find them. He exhaled a breath he didn't need. “He did try to get frisky with me.” He went for, remembering the word Charles had used at the time to describe the… ordeal.

“I knew it, that bastard,” Charles was moving to get up from the couch, to do what exactly, Edwin didn't know. It had been almost three years since the events of Port Townsend, it wouldn't make any sense for him to go there and find the Cat King after so long. 

Edwin pulled with his left hand, where his fingers were already loosely entwined with Charles’, effectively stopping him from whatever revenge plan he was concocting.

“Nothing happened,” Edwin continued, his voice soft. “And it was nothing… non-consensual.” The words felt weird on his tongue, even if he knew he was using them correctly in the context, and it was the best way to convey the message without risk of misunderstandings.

Charles swallowed hard. “Does that mean you wanted something to happen?”

“I don’t think I knew what I wanted. It took me by surprise, because I thought those kinds of desires were never to be acknowledged. And seeing him touching me so carelessly, so freely. That was…” This time, Edwin wasn't sure what the right word could be. After some consideration, he ended with “interesting”.

“Hmm.”

Edwin tightened his grip on Charles’ fingers again. “You have nothing to worry about, I have never thought about him in that way since we left Port Townsend, and especially since, well… you know.”

It didn't seem to be enough for Charles, as he was still looking uneasy, insecure. Edwin wouldn't have it. A couple of months prior, he would never have dared to admit that to himself, let alone out loud, but considering how they were sitting across one another on the couch with their legs intertwined and Charles’ hand was caressing his knee with the same familiarity with which he would lean on his own, he felt a surge of boldness he had never thought he had in him and admitted:

“Now all of my fantasies are about you.”

Charles went incredibly still, his eyes lost focus, his hands froze in place.

“Is… something wrong?” Edwin tried to ask. He thought about moving away to give him some space, wondering if maybe he had gone too far with the implication. They had kissed multiple times but they had never talked about anything more physical. He didn’t know what to make of Charles’ reaction.

Before he could decide on a course of action, Crystal slammed the office door open.

She took a long look at the scene in front of her, then her gaze stopped pointedly on Edwin. “What happened? How did you break him?”

“I just said-” Edwin started explaining, but was brutally interrupted by Charles, who had finally found his voice back.

“It's nothing, I just needed a moment. You know, there's another case with an abusive father.” He said, like those words explained everything. 

It had the desired effect, Edwin thought, because Crystal stopped the interrogation immediately, and draped herself over Charles - and consequently over Edwin’s legs, much to his disapproval - to comfort him.

Of course, Charles’ words did explain everything, or they would have, except there was no abusive father, and no case.

Edwin untangled himself from the other two trying not to push Crystal on the ground while doing so, and moved to look out the window.

After a while, when she decided Charles looked comfortable enough, Crystal followed him and sat at his desk. Edwin almost hated to admit to himself that nothing about the situation was bothering him: not Crystal hugging Charles, nor her taking his usual place at the desk. She was that much part of the agency that he trusted her completely, almost the same way he trusted Charles. Even if, of course, the relationships between the three of them had considerably shifted during the years.

It wasn’t until a day later that Charles and Edwin had a chance to be alone again, and Edwin was determined to keep asking questions until he understood exactly what had happened to Charles. He was in “full stubborn research mode”, as Crystal used to call it.

There was no need, though, because Charles started speaking as soon as they passed through the door:

“I’m sorry about… Making up a case yesterday, I was worried you would tell Crystal the truth.” He chuckled.

“I wouldn't have said exactly the same thing I said to you.”

“Yes, you would have.” Charles continued, his smile turning more affectionate. Edwin had to admit that he was probably right. He had just been so confused and maybe Crystal could help him understand.

“Did it upset you?” He asked. “What I said?”

Charles shook his head. “No, of course not, it was just… Unexpected.” He moved closer, encircling Edwin's waist with his arms, so close their noses were brushing against each other.

“Why? You didn't think that I could want-”

Before he could finish the sentence, Charles pressed a small kiss on his lips, effectively shutting it. He stepped away then, looking decidedly lighter than he had the previous day. “No, I just didn't expect you to be able to say it so… what word did you use? Freely.”

Charles grinned, and slumped on the couch, patting the place next to him in invitation. It was so easy to slot into Charles’ arms, resting his head on his shoulder, and entwining their hands. It almost seemed like they had done nothing else for forty years, instead of just a few months.

“What about before the Cat King?” Charles asked when they were settled, Edwin’s fingers playing with the hem of Charles’ sleeve. “Have you ever thought about us… Shagging?”

“No, I would never have dared to even dream of it.”

Charles moved a hand up his arm and to the back of his neck, his fingers playing with the shorter hair at Edwin's nape.

“I don't know if I'm ready for that now,” he said after a while. “But I would like it too, one day.”

Edwin smiled, turning to nuzzle Charles' neck and pressing a kiss there at the base of his jaw. “Whenever you are ready, I will be here. We have literally forever to figure it out.”

[petvampire]

Idk if you're still taking prompts but if you are I'd love to see some primal play with the cat king and Charles. I need to catch up on your tarot fic btw I adore it but I'm like three chapters behind lol

I’m so sorry this one took so long, it’s definitely been simmering in my head a while and just needed a spark! Also hope you’ve caught up, and hope you enjoyed. 💖

Cat King/Charles primal play. NSFW.

~

Charles is a city boy; he’s not much at home in woods and forests, but he still moves through them easily, trusting his ghostly nature and his instincts to guide him. It’s rare he even has reason to be out somewhere like this. Especially without Edwin. Especially when they’re not on a case.

Tonight, he’s here because of an invitation he couldn’t resist.

He and the Cat King have sorted out most of their issues, the serious ones at any rate, though they still tend to disagree on things and needle each other seemingly just for the fun of it. It keeps an interesting heat between them, and they’ve found a number of… entertaining ways to play with that. Thomas is always one to nudge his lovers into new experiences, and despite his initial hesitation, Charles has found that going along with it ends up really well for him most of the time.

So yeah. He’s here because of Thomas, really; because the other suggested he needed to blow off steam in a way that he isn’t quite willing to with Edwin or Monty. He’s still careful with both of them, after a fashion. Charles, though… Charles has always been a fighter. And he can take whatever the Cat King can dish out.

That’s the assumption, anyway.

All right, it’s still a bit odd, being out in the woods knowing he’s being tracked by something animal and supernatural. Usually the things hunting him aren’t so clear in their intentions. It gives him a bit of a leg up, or so he thinks.

He always tends to forget that the Cat King doesn’t play fair.

There’s not the usual burst of violet fire or the subtle chorus of cat’s meows. A sleek, dark figure rushes from the shadows, and Charles has to admit he’s caught totally off guard. If someone had been trying to hurt him, he’d have been utterly screwed.

As it is, the glancing scrape of cat’s claws against his back is so light it’s nearly ticklish rather than painful. Just enough to make him aware of the other’s presence. He braces himself, turns and settles into a fighting stance, hands up. He doesn’t have his cricket bat, of course, because this isn’t really a fight.

That doesn’t mean it isn’t dangerous, though.

Hands are on him before he can think, the weight of a body bearing him down to the ground. He strikes out without thinking, and hears a husky chuckle in return as calloused hands block his strikes, pin him to the ground. He can see the gleam of golden eyes, the faintest flash of a fanged smile. “Not good enough, ghostie.”

It makes a flash of heat roll through Charles, makes him lash out in earnest. He gets one good strike to center mass, earning a rough grunt from the Cat King, but he catches the other, harshly pinning the offending hand against the soil. The hiss that rises on his lips is more animal than human as his other hand wraps around Charles’ fist, with pressure tight enough to hurt if he wanted to. It’s a warning, a threat.

And yeah; usually, he would fight back until his last undying breath. But with these hands on him, these claws pricking at his flesh, he folds, giving in with a slow exhale, tilting his chin up to expose his throat.

A familiar face floats above his own, but there is something foreign in those golden eyes, a distant, wild note that he has never seen before. It sends an honest shiver down his spine, and he sees the Cat King grin at the reaction from his trapped prey. He’s never felt so vulnerable before, not even a few steps away from Death herself. He feels raw and exposed, every inch of his flesh suddenly so fragile.

Thomas bends his head, sharp teeth scraping over the delicate skin of his neck, and Charles whimpers.

He’s prey, he realizes. He’s a mouse in a trap, at best. Because the Cat King has him, well and truly, and he won’t let him go.

And fuck if that doesn’t send a spike of unexpected arousal through him.

A clawed hand traces down his chest, shredding fabric in its wake, and he can’t do anything but shudder at the delicate brush as those claws touch skin. His trousers are shredded in like fashion, and he’s shaking as a sharp point traces oh-so-delicately down his length. He wants to pull away, and at the same time, he wants more.

Even when he looks up, that familiar face is a mask of animal need, of lust and rage and cruelty. The Cat King is showing the basest elements of what he is, and Charles can either run from it, or embrace it.

He meets those cold, glazed golden eyes and flashes a cocky smirk. He’ll never back down, ever - and he’ll also never hold what Thomas is against him. He can take it.

The Cat King snarls, and a hot mouth presses over his own, body pinning him to the ground. A hand snakes between his legs, and Charles muffles a whine into Thomas’ mouth as two fingers push into him, no hesitation, no preparation. He can handle it, though, trying in vain to catch his breath when the other is intent on stealing it.

Magic flickers along his nerves as slick lube presses into him as an afterthought, but he can’t focus on that when Thomas is biting his way down the line of his throat, leaving harsh red marks against his skin. The Cat King’s hands are surprisingly rough as they roll Charles over, push him onto hands and knees.

There’s no teasing or drawing things out, as Thomas usually enjoys. Just a hot body plastered against his back, cock pressing against his hole, shallow thrusts driving him inside. Charles bites back another whine, and the Cat King just buries himself deeper, making the ghost see stars. His hands are grasping almost desperately at the earth and dead leaves beneath them, wanting something to hang onto. He hears a low hiss pressed against the back of his neck, but it sounds somehow pleased, and he can’t help the tiny little moan that escapes him in return.

It’s enough encouragement, apparently. Hips snap harshly against his ass, and the shock of pain-pleasure makes him moan, automatically arching for more.

He can’t help himself when it comes to making his partners feel good.

The Cat King is ruthless, pounding into him, sharp teeth leaving their marks along his neck and shoulders. Claws dig into his hips to keep him still, and Charles whimpers but endures. He’s hard as a fucking rock, too damn close coming untouched, but his whole focus is on Thomas. Whatever he needs, fuck it, he’ll give.

A snarl is buried against the nape of his neck when the feline finally comes, and Charles can smell the blood where claws prick into his skin. He doesn’t so much as ask for a breath - he’s pressing himself back for more, offering himself like a sacrifice beneath the other’s predatory need.

He’ll fight if he wants, oh fucking yes. But if the Cat King just wants willing prey, he’s here for that too. And hell if he doesn’t love either prospect.

[untulithed]

so, i haven't seen anyone talking about one of the qualities of DBDa that i don't really enjoy/understand..

as a preface id like to say that i love the show! and it is incredible,, buttt i still wanna be honest with my critique of it (and would love to hear y'all's thoughts about allat too)

there is, at least in my opinion, a pretty big difference in the quality between the show's dialogue and non-dialogue writing

at least for the first 4-ish episodes the dialogue feels very expository (clunky, even) and maybe dumbed-down?

like the first few scenes for example.

Charles and Edwin help the war-ghost, and Edwin tells Charles that they have to go, or else Death will take them too. Ok, a bit too in the face, could have been shown, still not bad.

Then we are actually shown-not-told death's process and the boys hiding. Ok, that kinda defeats the purpose of Edwin telling us allat in the previous moment..

And then we are basically told AGAIN that this is Death and the boys have to run from her.

and like. its a cute moment, Death's part is really good too, so i just dont see the point in other characters spelling it out

but still, i then thought that maybe, its just that the show is more for younger teens. but its not. and like besides all the violent moments, the show has SO MUCH nice and well incorporated detail! and the characters and their storylines are deep and multifaceted!

and even with all that detail and nuance, the dialogue just pretty much ruined some moments for me, even if just in small ways

its like the show expects its audience to notice and understand things so minute you have to rewatch it multiple times to actually notice them, while also not thinking that we can handle basic concepts like "we are ghosts and we run from death"

like The Cat King's clothes matching Charles' socks and his signature color, just to mess with Edwin more, which also means that he watched the boys since they appeared in Port Townsend, which means that him asking who exactly used the magic on that cat was just to get Edwin alone (cuz he already kinda liked him) and to be an even bigger drama queen. i for example didn't notice any of that until someone said it on twitter!

and then the more character-driven/emotional dialogue somehow manages to be both, but that would take another 10 paragraphs to explain so i will gracefully let you do your own analyses <3

in conclusion, i dont know if the writing process is to blame, or the higher ups, or maybe i am too picky, but i needed to rant, so im excited to hear y'all's thoughts on this, and thank you for reading this fully, i may have yapped on too long :D

and a little gif as a reward <3

[every-moment-a-different-sound]

Ok so here’s why I think Niko might be dead but not gone in Season 2:

We saw her die but didn’t see Death come to collect her.

The magic 8 ball seems to confirm that she did die.

We know her dad died, but don’t really have any information about him or the circumstances surrounding his death.

We know that Niko has fantastic reading comprehension. After reading the Night Nurse’s book, she now has at least some understanding of the bureaucracy of death/the afterlife and some more knowledge of supernatural entities.

We saw her, or someone that is heavily implied to be Niko, in the igloo shivering from the cold, which could suggest she’s still alive. But there are clearly other planes in which the dead can feel things and interact differently with their surroundings than would be expected on Earth (Charles & Edwin seeing their reflections in hell, Edwin bleeding in hell, the people in lust and gluttony, etc). However, this scene does leave her situation really ambiguous so I’d love to hear everyone else’s interpretation!

During that chat on the roof with Edwin, he said that no one is every really gone- I’m probably just clutching at straws here lol but foreshadowing maybe?!?!?? please?!?

Niko’s character arc also seemed kinda unresolved compared to everyone else's. She went from moving to another country to get away from her grief, avoiding talking to her mum or reading her mum’s letters, to saying that she’ll talk to her mum, sent her mum a single letter, then died. She’s started to process her grief, but I feel like not much time was spent on it. Having said that, there’s only 8 episodes and she isn’t the main character of Dead Boy Detectives, so that might just be a matter of prioritising the main storylines.

I also feel like DBD isn’t really a show that goes in for shock value too much, and I don’t feel like they’d kill off a character just to raise the stakes. There’s plenty of ways of writing episode 8 without Niko dying. They managed to avoid killing off Angie after all, so why would Niko die unless there’s a reason for her to?

I really think that she’ll have some unfinished business of her own in season 2, likely to do with her dad, but I don’t think that means that she won’t be able to make it back to the boys and Crystal.

[ghostinthelibrarywrites]

Say her name like an elegy

Here's a small-ish fic for Dead Boy Detectives Appreciation Week. You can read it below or here on AO3.

Prompt: hugs

Rating: T

Relationships: Edwin & Crystal

Warnings: canonical major character death (RIP Niko)

Word count: approx. 3k

Summary: When Edwin finds Crystal distraught and reading a book on necromancy, it doesn’t take much detective work to figure out what’s wrong. Providing comfort is a much more challenging endeavor

***

Edwin thinks he is acclimating well to having not one, but two additional members of the Dead Boys Detective Agency. After thirty-five years, he and Charles have learned to work together nearly seamlessly, with Charles accepting Edwin’s many idiosyncrasies with grace and Edwin coming to appreciate his friend’s occasionally chaotic way of doing things. However, he has not built such an effortless rapport with Crystal or the Night Nurse.

It would be easier if people would stop rearranging his damn bookshelf.

He’s explained his exact organizational system to both Crystal and the Night Nurse twice. He even labeled things at Crystal’s request. But the Night Nurse had barely been part of their agency for a month when she rearranged everything to a system she found more efficient, an offense he may never find it in himself to forgive. He’s just gotten everything back to precisely how he likes it again and now his bookshelf is out of order once more, with multiple books lying on the floor and others replaced haphazardly on the shelf. Several are missing altogether.

It’s almost enough to make him reconsider if the torments of Hell were all that bad.

Upon closer inspection, he sees that the out of order shelf is filled with tomes about witchcraft. The culprits could be Charles or the Night Nurse, who are in Prague investigating the cause of a particularly nasty bloodline curse. But Charles has been scrupulous about putting all of Edwin’s books in the right order since the Summoning Circle Catastrophe of 1993 and Edwin doesn’t believe his friend would let the Night Nurse anywhere near his bookshelf.

That means there’s only one possible culprit. He’s disappointed; save for a few hiccups, Crystal has mostly been respectful of his organizational system. He thought they had come to an understanding after Port Townsend. She also dislikes the Night Nurse even more than Edwin does, never having forgiven the woman for what she did to Charles at Point No Point. He thought they were allies against a mutual enemy.

Clearly, boundaries must be drawn. Edwin pivots and steps through the mirror, reappearing by the front door of Crystal’s flat.

“Crystal.” He doesn’t try to keep the bite from his voice. “I told you, I am happy for you to use my collection to aid you in researching your powers, but all I ask if for a little consideration and—”

He falters upon catching sight of Crystal, sitting cross-legged on her couch with one of his books open on her lap and a circle of crumpled, used tissues around her. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her face blotchy and tear-stained.

“Ah.” There is a crumpled tissue resting on the page of his book. He would like to request its removal, but can hear Charles’s voice echoing in his head, telling him to have a little sympathy. “Are you quite alright, Crystal?”

She glares at him fiercely, which he prefers to the crying. “What did I say about just showing up unannounced?”

“You clearly showed up to my office unannounced when you plundered my bookshelf.” Edwin puts his hands on his hips. Sympathy is getting him nowhere. “If you’ve gotten snot on that book, so help me, but I’m taking your spare key and—”

Crystal bursts into tears.

Edwin backs up a step, like the unseemly display of emotion is contagious. “Has something… happened?” he asks carefully. Could she and Charles have had a quarrel? No, Charles has been in Prague for the past two days and besides, whatever the state of their arrangement is at the moment, they both seem content enough.

“It’s alright,” Edwin says, when she just keeps weeping and doesn’t respond. “I won’t take your spare key. If I did, Charles would just replace it anyway.”

Her only answer is a sniffle. Frantically, he thinks back to yesterday morning, when he last saw Crystal. She said something about attending some event, perhaps an art exhibit. Ah, of course. Crystal’s parents are artists, are they not? He’s instantly awash with the satisfaction of having just deciphered a particularly tricky clue.

“Have you been to see your parents?” he asks, only a little smugly.

Crystal blows her nose, crumpling up the tissue and dropping it on top of the book. Edwin reminds himself that he spent decades being hunted down and consumed by a giant spider made of doll heads over and over again. He can endure this.

“They hate me.” Her voice sounds small, matching her hunched posture. He forgets sometimes that she’s a true teenager—not frozen in time like him and Charles—but right now she looks very young, sad, and uncertain.

“I’m certain that’s not true,” he says, since that seems like the right thing to say.

It apparently is not. “Are you, Edwin? Are you certain? Because I touched my mom’s hand and all I felt was… annoyance. I was trying to tell her about Port Townsend without telling her about the witches, ghosts, and demons, but she didn’t care. She was just ready for me to go so she could get back to all her admirers and stop being burdened by my problems.”

Gingerly, he goes to sit next to her on the couch, out of range of the circle of tissues. “Without knowing all the details, she cannot truly understand what happened in Port Townsend.”

“She wouldn’t understand anyway, because she doesn’t want to.” Angrily, she dashes away her tears. “The minute I stopped being their perfect little princess that she could show off to her friends like another piece of art, she stopped giving a shit. You don’t know what that’s like.”

Edwin opens his mouth to ask if he truly seems like the product of a happy, healthy family to her, then hears Charles’s voice in his head, reminding him that this isn’t a competition and Crystal is distraught.

“My parents were similar,” he says. “They weren’t artists, but they cared very much about appearances. I was their only son and they had a vision of what I would grow up to be. When it became apparent I wouldn’t live up to their expectations, they rather lost all interest in me. They sent me to St. Hilarion’s hoping I would learn to make something of myself.” His lips quirk into a smile. “I suppose I did, just not in the way they envisioned.”

Crystal’s voice drops to a whisper. “I was trying to tell my mom about Niko. How I made a friend, probably the best friend I’ve ever had, and then she died right in front of me.”

“Ah.” Edwin has to take a moment to compose himself, pressing his fists together tightly. Before that terrible day in Esther Finch’s house, he almost forgot how grief could dig its claws in you and never quite let go. When he’d returned from Hell, he’d found that everyone he’d ever known—parents, grandparents, sisters, the chubby-cheeked nephew that had been born the summer before he was sacrificed—was long gone. He could still remember the sting of losing his favorite Uncle Freddie, the only relative who ever indulged his chatter about his detective stories, when he died in the trenches during the Great War, but that old hurt had faded with time. He had grieved Charles while he watched him slowly freeze to death in that attic, but that was mitigated when Charles chose to stay with him.

Suddenly, he has a terrible suspicion why he’s found Crystal sobbing over a book after having a conversation about Niko with her mother. He peers over and his stomach drops when he sees the familiar illustrations under the tissues. “Crystal, please don’t tell me that’s Craven’s Book of Necromancy.”

She says nothing, but the guilt in her expression is answer enough. Edwin draws himself up to deliver a lecture, because how could she honestly be so foolish, so thoughtless? She saw what Esther Finch became when she toyed with the laws of nature. Is that the path she wants to take, and after Niko died for her?

Crystal looks at him, eyes filling with fresh tears, and the lecture dies on his tongue. With a sigh, he pinches the bridge of his nose. “She wouldn’t be Niko anymore,” he says. “She would be a monster wearing Niko’s face. That’s not what she would want and it would bring you no peace.”

“I know.” Her knuckles go white from gripping the book. “I read the book and I saw how much pain it’s caused.”

“It’s the last copy I know of,” Edwin says. “If that helps. And Charles and I have only used it to banish those revived through necromancy.”

“I had to look. It’s all I’ve been able to think about since I saw it on your shelf. And then I went to see my parents and—” She sucks in a breath, squeezing her eyes shut. “It’s not fair. Niko had a mom who loves her. Mrs. Sasaki is grieving her whole family now. Niko died for me. I’m still alive and for what? So I can go visit my parents and watch them wish I would fuck off back to Port Townsend?”

Bloody hell, Edwin is not qualified for this. Charles should be here, with his warm smiles that always seem to make the world seem a little kinder. Niko, who was kind and sweet and had such a big heart, should be here. Even the Night Nurse would probably do a better job of consoling Crystal.

“You are still here because Niko cared for you,” he says. “And because if Esther had killed you, Niko would have been next, and Charles and I would still surely be trapped in that house. You saved us and you were only able to do that because Niko—” The words catch in his throat as he remembers the blood blooming across the front of Niko’s white blouse, the way her eyes went wide with surprise. The living never truly appreciate how easily they can die, not until the worst happens. “Because she loved you.”

Crystal makes a ragged noise, pressing a hand to her mouth.

“If you must blame someone, blame me,” Edwin says. “She came to that house to save me. She knew the risks and she still came. I wish she hadn’t.”

“Of course she did,” Crystal says. “Because she loved you too.”

Edwin’s vision blurs. It takes him a moment to realize that his own eyes are filled with tears. Now he remembers why he spent thirty-five years keeping out of the affairs of the living. Loving mortals means losing them eventually. He just thought that he would have decades more before he had to feel the sting of losing Niko, who was so vibrant, so alive that it seemed impossible that death would ever touch her. He should have known better.

Someday, they’ll lose Crystal too. She’s young and healthy now, but she won’t always be so. She will age and she will weaken and then, eventually, not even modern medicine will be able to help. It’s a thought that makes him feel like he’s sucked in a lungful of icy air, though it’s been well over a century since he needed to breathe.

“I am so sorry for Niko.” His voice came out a rasp. “But I’m not sorry that she saved you. And I know she wasn’t sorry either.”

Her lower lips trembles and she sets the book aside. “No one’s ever cared about me like that before, before Niko and Charles. My parents wouldn’t have jumped in between me and Esther or fought David for me. Neither would any of my old friends. And I don’t know if I even deserve it.”

Edwin remembers feeling the same guilt the first time Charles was badly burned by iron trying to protect him. Sometimes, he still doesn’t understand how someone like Charles could consider him worth saving over and over. “They think we do. That’s what matters. Niko died knowing she had saved you. That has to matter.”

She’s quiet for a moment, visibly struggling to contain her tears. “I just wish there was a fix for this. It seems like such bullshit that Esther Finch got to cheat death for centuries, but Niko is just gone.”

“There’s no real cheat for death,” Edwin says as gently as he can manage. “I tried searching, right after Charles. Some things simply can’t be fixed.”

Crystal loses the fight against tears, sobbing quietly into her hands, and Edwin wonders what Charles would do if he were here. He thinks of all the times that Charles has comforted him: the warm smiles, the reassuring hands on his shoulders, the way his brown eyes go soft with affection. Edwin isn’t a warm or comforting presence. He doesn’t know how to be.

But then he remembers hugging Charles after that fiasco of a case with the two American football players, the way Charles melted into his embrace, like there was nothing more comforting than Edwin’s arms around him.

“Crystal?”

She looks up with wet eyes. “What?”

“Can I hug you?”

She tries to scowl at him, though the tears streaming down her cheeks ruin the effect. “What happened to ‘a handshake will suffice.’”

“You’ll need to get better at mimicking my accent if you insist on doing it repeatedly.” He draws back. “And it’s fine. I just thought I’d offer. I thought it might be… comforting.”

She lets out an incredulous little laugh. “Comforting?”

“I see now that I was mistaken,” he says stiffly. “I apol—”

She surges forward, sending both the book and a shower of tissues sliding to the ground. Before Edwin can protest the treatment of a one-of-a-kind text, her arms are around his middle and her face is buried in his shoulder. For a moment, he’s perfectly still, hands hovering over her back. Then, he tentatively wraps his arms around her, closing his eyes. He can almost understand what Charles meant when he said he couldn’t feel kissing Crystal, but could feel it in his head. Edwin can almost feel the tickle of her hair against his nose and the dampness of her tears soaking through the front of his shirt. It’s not entirely unpleasant.

“I miss her too,” he whispers into Crystal’s hair. “So much. But I have to believe that wherever she is, she’s happy. She deserved nothing less than paradise.”

Crystal sniffles.

“And if you’d ever like to talk about her, I’m happy to,” he adds. “I’m sorry if you’ve felt alone in your grief. I don’t find talking about these things easy.”

That gets a wet little laugh out of her. “I had no idea.”

“I have grown to value you.” Christ, why is talking about his feelings so challenging? He would rather be facing down a hellhound. “And I’m not only saying that to get you to stop crying. I see you as a…”

“A friend?”

“Yes.” He nods. “A friend, like Niko was to me. For what it’s worth, you say no one has ever cared about you like Niko and Charles. I do. Well.” He pauses, considering. “Not precisely like Charles. I will object if you try to snog me.”

Her shoulders begin to shake and for a terrible moment, he thinks he’s hurt her feelings. Then he realizes she’s laughing. “Oh my God,” she says through giggles. “I love you too, Edwin.”

He feels a reluctant smile tug at the corners of his lips. “And I… hold you in very high regard.”

“We’ll work on it.” She lets him go, wiping her eyes. “I’m sorry about your bookshelf. I was in a hurry. I didn’t want you to find me looking through the books on necromancy.”

“I forgive you.” Grimacing, he looks down at the book on the floor. “However, must I reiterate that this book is one-of-a-kind? I have to object to the amount of snot-stained tissues that are touching it right now.”

She bends to retrieve the book, shaking her head and smiling. For now, the tears seem to have stopped. He knows there will be more where that came from later. Their grief over Niko won’t go away with a single conversation. There will be other dark days, though hopefully Charles will be around to provide his own kind of comfort. It will never feel fair that they had to lose Niko, who still had so much to live for.

But right now, Crystal isn’t crying, is even smiling. And to Edwin, that feels enough like what Charles would call a job officially jobbed.

***

If you enjoyed it, please consider letting me know on AO3!

[deconstructthesoup]

First thoughts on a Fantasy High Dead Boy Detectives AU:

Ayda is in Edwin's role as the brains of the agency and the ghost from 1916 who escaped Hell. Her father was wealthy enough that she was able to go to a private all-girl's boarding school, but as the only Black girl at the school---who was also visibly queer and neurodivergent to boot---she was treated as an outcast, right up until she got sacrificed in a prank gone wrong. Now that she's escaped, Ayda uses the skills she's picked up and her love of mysteries to help out her fellow ghosts, though she's... not exactly the best at processing her feelings. Especially when those feelings involve her partner in solving crime.

Fig is in Charles's role, because there's no better fit for our lovely, heart-on-her-sleeve punk than the lovely, heart-on-his-sleeve punk---and let's be real, Fig is the most 80's Bad Kid. She attended the same boarding school as Ayda (just, y'know, seventy decades in the future), and while she fell in with the popular girls easily, it didn't take long for them to turn on her once she stood up for someone they were bullying... and, well, that led to her death. While Fig acts carefree and wisecracking, she carries a lot of guilt with her over the fact that she'd written off her family once she found out that Gilear wasn't her real dad, and not only did she never get to reconnect with them, but the experience was jarring enough that she made a lot of bad decisions, which led to equally bad relationships.

Adaine is in Crystal's role as our favorite psychic that is full of rage and anxiety. Her "David" is Penelope, who posed as a cool, older girl who gave Adaine the attention that she was lacking at home---and eventually became her first girlfriend, though that relationship was... not great. Now without a lot of her memories, Adaine's stuck with the Dead Girl Detectives, much to Fig's delight---and Ayda's, eventually. She gets over her jealousy way quicker than Edwin did. While Adaine wasn't a "make someone walk into traffic" kind of person pre-amnesia, she did carry over a lot of bitterness that curdled into something worse when she got swept up into the popular crowd, so... yeah, Fig and Ayda are kind of a blessing for her.

Figuring out the Niko equivalent was a bit harder, but I eventually settled on making her Lucy. She kind of fits the bill of someone who has a lot of sadness but is still unflinchingly kind, and between the pale hair and being dead-but-not-really-dead... yeah, Lucy's wonderful, and it means if I ever write this, I get to figure out who she is as I write her. Also, her dandelion sprites are Kipperlilly and Ruben, because I thought that'd be hilarious.

Thinking more into that, I decided that Sam would be a pretty good Jenny, seeing as she's got the bitchy-yet-loving energy that we all need. She's tired yet protective, closed off yet oddly kind... it works. Even though her style's more of a, uh "mermaid academia" type than goth, I think she'd make a really good Jenny.

And here's where you're gonna have to hear me out... Kristen is the Cat King, or rather, the Cat Queen. As tempting as it is to make her the church girl lesbian who's just come out and is struggling in a small town, I really wanted to hone in on her energy in Junior Year---a confident, easygoing, and hella flirtatious butch who's still a total mess underneath her swagger. I like to think that she was a human girl living in a religious family once (say, when settlers first arrived in Port Townsend), but she got really into witchcraft and wound up devoting herself to the cats, becoming an otherworldly being with nine lives as a result. As it stands, Kristen is hella fun, even if most of what she does is cause trouble.

With that in mind, Kalina was really the only character who I felt matched up with Ester's energy---except for Aelwyn, of course, but seeing as she's Adaine's sister and all, it didn't feel quite right. It could also tie in with Kristen's backstory---say, maybe Kalina was the person who taught Kristen about witchcraft, Kristen wound up getting the better end of the deal, and Kalina's still burnt out about two hundred years later. And in an irony of ironies, that resentment led Kalina to have a wolf familiar instead of a cat... who is, of course, our lovely girl Tracker. (Yes, Tracker has been turned into a girl before, and yes, she and Kristen are exes.)

I'm not quite sure who I want the Night Nurse to be, and you can tell that I'm saving roles for Gorgug, Fabian, Riz, and Ragh in case we meet characters like them in season 2---though, I have been fiddling around with the idea of Riz being an angel and a former agent of Heaven who Ayda and Fig have basically adopted into the agency. This is a first draft, so... yep!

[anxiouslyfred]

Haunted

Summary: The Dead Boy Detectives get a letter asking if they can advise on a ghosts neighbour who seems to be haunted by people identical to him. Thomas wonders why his sides keep mentioning silent men coming into his house when he can see nobody.

Authors Note: I have no brain power after yesterdays writing so this is weirdness. For any fics not Sander sides I post them to @fandoms-in-law

My Idea for todays Fic: A ghost on Thomas's street seeks out the dead boy detectives over thomas being haunted. None of them, not even Crystal, know what to make of Thomas being unable to see Charles and Edwin be all his sides can. Edwin just wants an answer of some sort but nothing is in their books.

/\/\

"Dear Dead Boy Detectives, I understand you are based in England but I was wondering if you have any insight into my neighbour. He's alive but seems to be haunted by multiple identical ghosts. Identical to him and each other except in clothing that is and their appearance changes when his does usually. This has perterbed by afterlife multiple times and although these ghosts seem to see me while my neighbour cannot they refuse to interact with me except through making my neighbour do so. Please reply if this is anything you've encountered before that needs worrying over. Sincerely Liam."

Charles and Edwin shared a concerned look after the letter had been read out, before Edwin started going through their shelves.

"Perhaps, Crystal, you will be needed to solve this case with us, but I'll research here. Charles, can you pop into the house of this Thomas Sanders to see if you can meet these ghosts or indeed the man Liam is so concerned about?"

"On it, see you in a bit, Mate." Charles agreed, disappearing through the mirror as Crystal groaned a little. "Really hope I don't need to, those flights drag."

/\

"Yay, another home invasion via mirrors. Did the guy from three doors down send him?" Virgil grumbled from the staircase. He didn't think the kid was a threat, not just because he appeared young, but because he'd looked curious rather than scheming.

Thomas turned around, unable to see anyone other than Virgil. "What do you mean Virge? No one else is here."

"Just like there wasn't for that guy. Thomas, you're going to get yourself killed one of these days being so unobservant." He complained. "Okay, I guess walking through him works. What is with this house and intangible men?"

"I'm an intangible man, Virgil. Want to try?" Remus cooed, popping up beside him and trying to push Virgil's hand through his chest. "But if you're concerned over this guy, I can get my morningstar."

Thomas glanced warily at where he'd just walked through. "If he's just looking around I don't think that's neccessary. You made me replace my TV last time something like this happened."

"Oh, no, that was because Roman decided to fight him." Janus appeared, staring at the spot Thomas still couldn't see anyone in. "It would be much easier to know why these men appeared if we could hear them. Can Logan lip read?"

Thomas shook his head. "You only know the things I've learnt and my need to lip read has been limited. People usually have signals if I need to know things from a distance on stage."

"Then everything is fine as you say. Virgil's just being more vigilant for dangers than normal." Janus soothed, waving the stranger away.

/\

"These ghosts can't hear us and seem to be known to Thomas. One did seem violent and another was mentioned similarly. I don't think it's a worry for anyone but Thomas though." Charles said, coming back to the office.

"Unlikely to be multiple identical ghosts though if they couldn't hear you." Edwin replied, "I've been unable to find any similar occurrances so far however. Are you against going to learn more, Crystal?"

"Might as well find out what Thomas thinks is going on." Crystal sighed mock frustrated as she stood. "I'll get the plane ticket booked."

/\

Thomas peered out at the strange woman curiously, "Hello?"

"Hi, I'm Crystal Palace. I'm a psychic who works as part of the Dead Boy Detectives and recently a neighbouring ghost of yours has grown concerned over you. Would you prefer I leave as a mad woman or can I ask you a couple of questions to assuage the ghosts worries?" She'd debated how to approach Thomas on the entire flight and journey over, but after realising he lived in a private area she decided the truth was best, even if it sounded unlikely or impossible.

Thomas blinked at her and she saw multiple men near identical to him pop up just through the doorway, no mirrors in sight. None of them spoke however until Thomas nodded, "I guess I can entertain that idea for a while. Come in."

"Are you mad, Thomas? She could be a murderer? Or here to steal all your money? Or-" The copy of him in a hoodie and eyeshadow beneath his eyes started rambling about dangers until Crystal looked right at him.

"Or I'm a psychic with two ghost detectives very curious to know why Thomas can't see him, the men who seem to be ghosts can but can't hear them and all change appearance in some ways at the same time according to the correspondence we recieved asking us to check everything with Thomas is okay." She replied as succinctly as she could, noticing Edwin and Charles appearing out of the mirror on Thomas's counter. "Edwin and Charles are the ghosts who just arrived. Who are the rest of you?"

Thomas watched her curiously, looking around his living room. "They're my sides. They help me think through situations."

"I'm Virgil and I still don't trust you, or them." The hoodie version greeted.

"I'm Logan and the existence of ghosts is intriguing. Can you tell me more, about them and about your psychic powers?" One of the versions wearing glasses and a tie greeted.

"And what are Sides? Helpful spirits? Something the person generates? Does Thomas know other people with similar 'sides'?" Edwin chimed in, notebook in hand and mirroring Logan's curiousity.

Before Crystal could reply or anyone else could introduce themselves and more possible tangents Thomas cleared his throat. "I'm Thomas, as you apparently know, and the sides are parts of me; Creativity, Anxiety, Logic, Morality and Deceit. The labels are just what they most often help me with, and yes, there are two creativities in case everyone shows up now. The two that haven't spoken up are Patton, morality, and Janus, Deceit."

"Charles mentioned one of them seeming violent when he tried to check on you and them before." Crystal asked, wondering how long it would be before Logan or Edwin asked their questions again.

"Probably Remus if he was the last person I couldn't see to show up." Thomas decided after a moments thought. "He can be quite violent at times. Other times he's just gross or disturbing."

Crystal nodded, "Okay, so I'm probably fine to be here then. Do you know how your sides formed? It's not something Edwin's encountered before and he's been around a while."

"Not really. I used similar characters for Vine and youtube and sooner or later they actually showed up. I assumed I'd just grown so used to imagining them that I worked through everything in such a way automatically." Thomas explained, "Although Logan has made comments over them having been around for longer than that."

Logan nodded. "Indeed, although prior to his videos we remained generally internal. It's still essentially talking to himself whether he sees us or not." He explained. "I'm of the opinion it's just a quirk of Thomas as nobody else seems to have sides in a similar way."

Edwin seemed about to say something before Charles held a hand up. "We aren't here to psychoanalyse him, Edwin. Thomas seems fine to me."

Thomas and Virgil both snorted, eyes on Crystal. "You don't like the sound of an afternoon being the only person to hear everyone, do you?" Thomas asked.

"Not one bit. I'm basically going to assume Edwin's taking notes and just chat with you unless one of them says something that seems important to know." she decided. "Besides, Charles and Edwin can hear everything. It's you who can't see them at all, and your sides apparently can't hear them, but I'm pretty used to ghosts so should be able to tell you enough about them without additional input."

"Sounds like a good plan." Thomas agreed.

The letter from Liam was right that this was an unusual situation, but just as Charles had thought, even with Remus and Roman popping up armed, it wasn't something anyone had to worry about, not even Virgil.

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

DBD rewatch notes!

episode 1

Why was Charles making that face before offering Crystal to stay at the office?

Why are they not supposed to interact with the living? clearly Emma has no such qualms.

Crystal speaks up to make sure Edwin hears when she says thank you for taking her in

Why is David a surprising name for a demon? Why IS David called David, if it isn't a demon name?

HOW did I watch the show this many times without noticing the septum ring??

"The living are messy. If she had died last night, I'd have no issue with her being here." OKAY EDWIN. I guess this and the 'no living people' rule must have to do with the Infamous Puppy Debacle of '94. In this case, Edwin is not insulting Crystal specifically, but is being very literal that he would not be worried about taking care of a dead person.

I love how they NAME everything from cases to moves to incidents.

Charles teases Edwin for being jealous, but does he actually think that? Edwin is just overly cautious, and yeah that's causing an issue at the moment, but does he have, like, a record of being jealous of girls Charles likes?

Charles immediately tries to seperate Edwin and Crystal to stop them arguing, and Crystal is like "wait what??" like she's SO surprised. Also kinda love the not-subtle dig at Edwin's behavior. That does not go without retaliation ie: you weren't here when the mail came

WAIT they're going on a walk and taking, like Edwin and Monty. that's cute.

Did Crystal actually thin Edwin was in hero for being evil? I feel like that is surprising to hear regardless. Is it common for Charles to explain to people that his bf was only sent to hell on a technicality??

I think Crystal must have learned about hell from David, because if the ghosts she has met haven't moved on yet they have no way of knowing about hell.

The focus on people staring at Crystal is kinda weird. Does she even realize yet?

What did she used to feel like when people got mad at her for being mean?

What does Charles think about the way Crystal talks about her anger? He says it's cool that she is still alive, but does he admire her honesty too?

The up-and-down when she asks if that line used to work. He didn't even tell her what decade he died. Read him.

Aww she wanted to get Edwin some coffee to cheer him up. She even says hi to him as soon as she's inside. Crystal cares whether Edwin likes her or not. At the very least, she is trying to be nice to him.

How DOES the ghost post work? also the sheer incredulity of Crystal's voice lmao. Why exactly does the mail carrier sneak up on them? is he also dead?

Why does he care who the client is? they already know what the mystery is.

'keep your voice down!' bestie you already flirted at her, she knows.

'it's happening too quickly' Edwin doesn't wanna screw up his routine

good on Crystal for getting straight to business. Becky's ALIVE, boys!

Why do they think Death will come back to the office?

more people stare at Crystal. Dies she really not notice before the malt shop?

I can't help being reminded of that textpost about putting Crystal in the bag and going through a mirror.

Edwin thinks he is so clever with the agency name joke. He is so proud of that one. same thing with his journal of opinions joke. he's having so much fun rn.

I love that every time there's a Jenny scene the soundtrack changes to goth or rock music.

Why is the red LED neat diagram briefly orange and why is Edwin so fascinated by it?

She's scary for all of two seconds before becoming awkward and weird and mean. Jenny, ladies and etc!

Edwin is so menacing here FOR WHAT

Crystal gets the room as is, then never decorates it during the following weeks.

Can those ghosts teleport?? I noticed the dragons so it too, is it a shirt distance thing?? wtf?

pictures of guys, huh Charles? Is there anything else notable about the pictures?

Edwin jesus fuck lay off her. He is looking for just ANY excuse to talk shit.

Charles trying to help out Crystal is nice. I wonder why she doesn't like reading minds though? During the course of the series, she totally volunteers to read minds and it's a go-to solution for her. What happened to put her off it that she doesn't remember anymore?

What'd he do to get burned by the iron?

I guess after knowing ghosts for however long, none of them must have told Crystal about iron.

how does that alarm system via possession even work??

After that silence I kinda thought Edwin went to hell for possession when I first watched LMAO

Esther must have put the shoes in the woods as a distraction. I wonder if the boys would have ever found out if it weren't for Crystal.

they know cats talk and have human personalities and yet Charles sees one and is instantly like "aw fuck off man :((" bro chill

Why is the cat voice so. echoey?

what would happen if somebody tried to sit on the stools that the boys are already on?

Do we ever see anything like this door entrance in a mindscape scene after this? Does she ever walk around while in a trance again?

holy crap Edwin

I guess she takes a while to figure out it's her own brain. mecore.

of course there's an argument now. how could there not be?

then they never follow up on the "our demon" line

poor old Edwin has Charles taking such good care of him that he isn't used to the guy trying to take care of TWO peoples' feelings. Man I know that they don't talk about feelings in your time but at some point you've got to learn that everything you're saying is a fear reaction and not a moral stance.

I love the high contrast in this scene!

Simon's lil smile and Edwin walking away looks SO different with Context.

why tf is the sacrifice named "Mary Ann" and WHAT is Simon's brother into?

"don't do that!" and a breath of relief followed immediately by a jumpscare is SO GOOD. like I get scared by jumpscares but I love when they do it like this.

"It's not that bad" *hoovers the boy* *sells him to a demon*

THE TRANSITION. WITH THE SCREAMING

Why is the same cat here? is he following Edwin? W H Y

you're such a whore 🙄 (cat voice)

What if I offered you a sardine out of my gloves hand and bound you in a magical leash and you were a cat🥺 (and we were both boys)

The cat's mannerisms are pretty convincing IMO. my cat does the same ear thing when she wants me to leave her alone. And the tense shoulder/neck scrunch combo just adds to the effect.

I wish Edwin got to use more magic in the show.

not the apathetic eyebrow raise

me when I dump blood

I love this scene. Jenny is so awkward but also she remembers what Crystal says here. She remembers hearing about Crystal's ex like three times ever and ends up going after that boy with a cleaver. but it all starts with Jenny not knowing if she's allowed to show that she cares.

oh and her shield of cynicism

and the way she asks for more information!!

Charles with the questions! detective-ass.

it's interesting that Jenny and Charles both try to help Crystal while looking through a lens colored by trauma (specifically parental flavored) but Charles is so gentle while Jenny is abrasive.

Crystal! With the self-awareness!!

if you what? finish the sentence, Crystal.

Also she says "didn't you see that" like those pink lights were not symbolic they were real in-universe. Crystal and Niko were still acting hella gay tho. ofc, Crystal was under a spell and Niko is just Like That.

FAIR QUESTION

he doesn't answer whether or not it's weird. He also doesn't wait for an answer of if she'll tell Edwin. He trusts her.

Aww poor kidddsss

Edwin walks in and out of rooms like God sent him

Crystal with the self-awareness once agaiiiin 😎

TRANSITIONS

if she was in that relationship since three months ago and we don't know how long she was possessed for before Emma figured out how to find the boys, she may have already been missing for weeks at this point.

The way she is dressed and the way she's acting is risky different from the memories she gets from the marbles. Is this a real memory? Why would she dress like that, or hang out with those people?

Is the possession paralelled to any of this scary movies that was playing in the theater they go to? bc it looks really familiar.

Edwin is really focusing on the wrong details here, man. Also comparing a scared person to their abuser is not fuckin cool.

YAY! FEELINGS TALK!

I love the sound of his voice in this scene.

I mean I thought it was already clear that neither of them wanted David involved but if Edwin needs clarification that's fine ig

the description of Esther is line a spoken word poem

you know he doesn't get out much when he doesn't know about the internet

Jenny is iconic

absolutely ZERO emotional response to "Like kind of a sexy witch who smokes alot but in a cool way" like maybe they didn't hear Charles. maybe their minds were blocking it out because what the fuck /j

and her coat gets caught in the door and she can't drive. Perfect.

The fuckin twirl. Thank you costumes for cutting the vent stitch because the swooshy coat adds to the effect 🙏

Esther leaves the stove on when she's out of the house? does she want her bird to DIE!? It must be an accident because Edwin has to take it off :o either that, or she wasn't planning on leaving for too long, or knew there'd be someone to take care of it 👀

Also Edwin is EXACT in his reading if the floor plan. Like that is SPECIFIC

is that a sink cabinet? no basin??

an empty cabinet like that is sus anyways. who has that little stuff??

Edwin volunteers and Charles knows he's scared but makes sure he does it anyways. I wonder if there are any more examples of this behavior.

Monocrome; floor littered in bones and shoes. Edwin is 'weighed down'

it's not a void, there's a floor.

Wait Has Esther been planting shoes for the cops to find, then re-stealing them for her snake's nest??

Also how often does she kidnap forms because I feel like she'd either have to run out or get caught at some point.

"bag of tricks" they name EVERYTHING

technically they didn't break in

what did she THINK they wanted?

COLLECTOR

I've already said this but Esther loves things she *consumes*, so her love of birds is kinda bad news for Monty. He's just there to use in her plans.

Also the first time I watched this I thought Esther was trying to kiss Crystal. like that shot is. weird.

Why does Charles want the bird to be his friend and why is he not concerned about its living conditions

rope+ magic weight= OW

technically, since everyone else is only going off of Edwin's (and later Cat King's) word, they might think the snake is huge but realistic. do they know it's like fifty feet??

interesting that they show it takes multiple puffs of smoke to paralyze someone but later when she gets power from that rando ghost she does a whole ranged spell with the pipe because she is more powerful.

that is some weird and impractical snake jewelry on her hand.

MUSIC

appearance ONE of the BAT! he DOES NOT get to use it!

Edwin looks to be MORE bothered by the iron burn than Charles now that nobody is looking.

Do people normally get incapacitated when Crystal does her trick?? or is that special for this time?

I wonder what Crystal thinks watching this possession, since she just got possessed recently.

bag of worms?? not a thing

MONTY im tryna threaten some kids🥺

MUSIC

I guess the woods thing was believable bc she's a girl scout.

Also now that Becky's mind is wiped, she can't see the boys even though she has been close to the supernatural. I guess it would have worked on Jenny too if she chose that.

is now a good time to mention: I LOVE Crystal's weird-ass jacket. and she's wearing overalls again today, like in episode (six? I think?)

so now are they on David's case? I guess not lmao

The Night Nurse's hair is so funny to me. She is the only person who would ever think to wear victory rolls with a microfringe.

why are those photos so low-quality and why is the Afterlife Lost and Found a liminal '50s office building full of women?

[terresdebrume]

The final version of The Almost Case of the Swimming Pool is coming along nicely! I was hoping to finish it today but no dice, but considering it's now nearing 12k I guess I can be forgiven xD Lil' snippet for the ride:

Mum and dad don’t visit. Mum calls soon after lunch on the second day to explain dad is too busy at work to make the drive, and Charles hears dad yell something about having a talk about all this the next time Charles’ home. Charles’ heart speeds up so much a nurse comes to check on him, and he pretends he’s had a nightmare to get her to leave off. After that, there’s no contact from home, and Charles studiously avoids trying to figure out whether he’s relieved or sad about it.

He sleeps, he thinks. There’s no clock in the room, and he refused Edwin’s offer to lend him his fancy pocket watch because that’s the kind of shit that’s liable to vanish off Charles’ bedside table while he’s conked out, and he really doesn’t want to risk that. The sun looks a bit different, though, which he hopes means some time passed. He tries to read more of Edwin’s book, but it doesn’t really work. Every time he finishes a sentence, he hears dad telling him they’ll have a talk about all this when he’s home, and Charles is torn between the relief of knowing there’s more than a month left until then, and the terror of what kind of state dad’ll be in when they finally get there.

He snaps out of it when he hears the heart monitor speed up beside him, and decides to find something more pleasant to think about, like how he’s planning to call Edwin as soon as it’s dark, ‘cause that should land him somewhere around five, which is well after the end of classes but long enough before dinner to give them time to chat properly. Edwin’s a pretty swell guy. He’d always known the way some of the other blokes talked about him had to be exaggerated, but he didn’t realise how much until he’d heard him say without even a trace of irony that Charles could have left him to drown without doing anything. Thinking about Edwin and the way he’d seemed surprised Charles wouldn’t want him to drown makes Charles angry, though, which isn’t good either because it also makes the heart monitor panic, which means it might also attract a nurse, which would mean questions Charles has no intention to answer.

[prince-simon]

AIGHT I thought DBD was gonna be a fun lil show. You have: two dead boys with AMAZING chemistry (I LOVE their different accents/slangs/outfits to reflect the times they're from), two living girls with AMAZING chemistry (deadass thought Crystal saw the lights around Niko because maybe she liked herrrrr and the lights were psychic related instead of LITERAL SPRITE INFESTATION), two wildly horny demons who I believe need to get it on and leave Crystal and Edwin alone please and thank you (David and the Cat King), TALKING CATS, a witch cosplaying as Cruella de Ville (I thought she was MURDERING her poor bird Monty!!!!), the cutest adorable most precious little astrology nerd I've EVER SEEN (the aforementioned Monty who wasn't a victim of animal abuse after all), a cursed walrus (still salty Edwin interrupted Tragic Mike's story of how he was cursed, I was INVESTED) OH AND A SUPERHOT BUTCHER LADY!!

ANYWAY this show was supposed to be fun. I watch Supernatural and yeah there were scary episodes but I can't think of anything as traumatic as the Devlin House episode! 😭 Just... watching the dad murder his poor family over and over was awful, seeing how affected Charles was broke my heart, the dad having a secret room to spy on his family was creepy and disturbing and OH MY FUCKING GOD?!?! THAT MISERY WRAITH?!?! I ALMOST THREW UP!! I NEARLY DIED!!! ABSOLUTELY AWFUL TERRIFYING 0/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND I NEVER WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN!!!!!

I can't wait to watch more DBD tonight!

PS sorry for the essay

okay okay first of all. i'm so excited about this ask. don't apologise haha i've got things to say!!! (i hopeee i'm not spoilering you for anything with this longgg reply lol)

the chemistry between all of them is soooo insane i'm so happy about it!! and yeah lol i think the entire fandom thought it was gay lights for crystal and niko lmao (and you know what? just bc it was parasitic lights who's to say it's not ALSO gay!! sksk i was spoilered about this particular thing before i watched the show and when i saw that scene i STILL thought it was gay lol

sksk thank you for clarifying that by demons you mean david and the cat king bc i was like ??? david and edwin's demon??? interesting take but sure. let's go with it slfjsldfj but yeah calling the cat king a demon works too lmaooo i just love how pathetic the cat king is kssksk

the talking cats are sooo iconic hahaha

omg i totally thought esther was killing monty too. when i first watched it i did a bit of a live reaction with friends and i literally was like noooo not monty!!! he doesn't deserve it!!! i was FLOORED when he turned human skjdflsj in general esther is such a good villain. like i fucking hate her so so so much but man. i LOVE to hate her she just steals every scene she's in ("ouch my ghost skin" lives rent free in my head tbh)

SUPERHOT BUTCHER LADY yesss i love jenny so much. her "oh my fuck" cracks me up every time. fun fact before i watched the show and only saw stuff on tumblr i thought she was gonna be the bad guy sksksk

the show is so camp one second and then soooo devastating the next!!! the devlin house absolutely broke me!! fun fact- or actually not fun at all, idk if you noticed but when the camera is on charles when they're watching the murder happen, you can hear him begging his father to stop hurting him in the background. also another not so fun fact i was listening to jayden revri's charles playlist and the song that's playing in that episode is on there and when it came on i literally had to skip it after a couple seconds bc it triggered me sooo much lmfao but yeah omg don't get me started on the misery wraith!!! the first time i watched it, i was binging and i'd started pretty late already so when i got to that episode it was already dark and i was supposed to go to bed soon and i literally had to cover my screen bc i usually can't do horror at all!! so i was like nopenopenope this isn't happening nope

enjoy the rest of your watch and you're always welcome in my inbox for more yelling!!

[shitty-check-please-aus]

2020 Books Read So Far

Note: Most of these are audiobooks (listening to books counts as reading books and if you disagree I’d ask you to consider why you believe that), books I started and didn’t finish will be listed but not reviewed, and all my opinions are extremely subjective. I’m putting this on this blog because I want to and I think it’ll help me keep track of what I’ve read if I write it down in a couple places. 

Some notes:

I’m surprised that most of these are nonfiction! I don’t usually think of myself as a nonfiction reader. 

Having audiobooks has made me way more productive as a reader, since I can read while I’m doing repetitive tasks at work, when I have to stand on the bus, when I’m running, etc. 

Naked, by David Sedaris

3/5, the audiobook was “unabridged selections” which means “we didn’t edit the individual essays but you’re only getting half the book”– it would probably have been a 4/5 if it was a whole book. I liked that Amy Sedaris was reading parts of it, but that’s because I like her more than I like her brother. This is sort of an example of the difference between “comedic” and “humorous,” because it’s definitely the latter. 

Read it if: you want to read something pretty fucking weird. 

Lafayette in the Somewhat United States, by Sarah Vowell

4/5, I saw this recommended a lot when Hamilton first came out so it’s been in the back of my mind for a good while. The book had a great cast, and having different people reading the historical quotes was an excellent touch! 

However, I think Vowell’s conversational style is a little jarring here sometimes. It’s like “wait, why are you talking about Bruce Springsteen, I’m not that familiar with his work but he definitely isn’t from Revolutionary War times.” I got her book Assassination Vacation at a used bookshop recently as well, and both books suffer from post-2016 hindsight, where she’ll say something about how incompetent and foolish the politicians of her time are, and I just have to snort to myself and say “Sarah, you’re going to lose your goddamn mind soon.” That’s a bit of an unfair reaction, but it’s hard to avoid having it.

I was also, maybe unfairly, expecting to learn more than I did. The problem is that I know a Lot about the Revolutionary War, and from the introduction I thought we’d hear more about Lafayette’s later life (my knowledge drops sharply after about 1810). The book basically ends after the Battle of Yorktown, though.

Read it if: you have not seen/listened to both Hamilton and 1776, or if you want to read a summary of the Revolutionary War with a focus on one French captain. 

Assassination Vacation, by Sarah Vowell

3/5, honestly maybe a 2.5/5. Okay, so. Either I know a lot more about American History than I felt like I did or this is again a very surface level thing. Part of it is because she spends 123 pages on Abe Lincoln. There are 255 pages total. 2/3 of the states I’ve lived in are Indiana and Illinois, two states that fight about claiming Lincoln as their own, and I’ve been to D.C. 4 or 5 times, so I feel like I know enough about Lincoln. I know about John Wilkes Booth, and his brother Edwin who saved Lincoln’s son’s life, and the death train that took Lincoln’s body around the country. I did enjoy learning about the doctor who was probably conspiring with Booth and how he ended up saving tons of lives in prison when there was a yellow fever outbreak (also to be briefly unbearably nitpicky: I think she might have mixed up dengue and yellow fever? She calls yellow fever “breakbone” but I can only find instances online of people calling dengue fever that. Maybe they called them all breakbone in the late 1800s. If anyone reading this is an epidemiologist, let me know).

It was interesting to hear that Charles Guiteau, killer of President Garfield, was part of the Oneida cult. I’m trying to think of anything notable she said about Leon Czolgosz, killer of President McKinley. I guess she talks about how people assumed he was a foreigner because of his name, but I already listened to “The Ballad of Czolgosz” in Assassins, so I knew “Czolgosz, angry man, born in the middle of Michigan.”

This one is from 2005 so the politics stuff is a little more interesting, since at the time I was busy learning multiplication and spending one entire baseball season learning about baseball and following my team (they won the world series, I have excellent timing). I will say that in 2005 we did have Google, so I am again annoyed with some of her asides and personal anecdotes. Look, if you go to the Hemingway house and you don’t know there will be cats there, that’s on you if you don’t bring your Claritin. Hemingway is associated with only two good things, six-toed cats and Daiquiris. 

She also does not acknowledge that the parties basically switched platforms? Lincoln’s Republican party is not today’s Republican party, in fact kind of the opposite, so it’s weird that she starts the book with a dedication that’s like “to my lifelong Democrat grandpa, he’d be pissed I dedicated a book about 3 Republicans to him.” I guess she does sometimes say stuff like “how did Lincoln’s party become Reagan’s” (paraphrase), but she doesn’t actually get into it. 

Speaking of Democrats, she literally spends more time talking about Pablo Picasso than she spends talking about JFK. She doesn’t explain why she didn’t talk about JFK, but it seems bizarre to me to write a book about American assassinations and to leave out John Fucking Kennedy. Literally I’ve talked more about JFK in this section than she did in her assassin book. It’s not until page 253 that JFK gets a full paragraph. There are 255 pages total. Truly, if she’d taken a paragraph to be like “I’m focusing on the presidents who were elected before 1900″ or “the presidents whose immediate families aren’t still alive” or even “I didn’t want to travel to Dallas for research” or SOMETHING to explain why she left out JFK, I would have understood it more instead of flipping through the pages wondering what was going on. 

Read it if: You do not listen to too many history podcasts and you didn’t read the Wikipedia page for the musical Assassins. And I guess if you don’t want to acknowledge that JFK did also get assassinated and that was kind of a big deal. Actually just listen to Assassins instead. 

And Then There Were None, Agatha Christie

5/5 as a mystery, 0/5 for its original title (not gonna say it here but if you’ve ever googled the name of HP Lovecraft’s cat, it’s along those lines). Less than 6 hours, narrated by Dan Stevens from Downton Abbey, fairly ideal as an audiobook. I am 95% sure I’ve already read this, because I spent the summer before I started high school reading every Agatha Christie book in the library (I do not have a list of all the Agatha Christie books in my library the summer of 2010, so there is some question). 

Read if: you want to hear the guy from Downton Abbey deliver the line “I’m not a complete fool!” in a tone that makes it sound like “I’m not a fucking moron!” Sidenote: Can anyone tell me if Brits say “solder” by pronouncing the L that I’ve always heard as a silent L? Or if Dan Stevens just fucked up that one word?

Over The Top: A Raw Journey to Self-Love, by Jonathan Van Ness

4.5/5

This was a super enjoyable audiobook! It’s a testament to JVN’s considerable charisma that this book is full of him giving people in his past who would rather be anonymous Russian names, and it doesn’t get grating (as a Marina, however, I was shocked to not hear my name at any point; most of the other Marina’s I’ve met in my life are Russian). JVN has had a wild ride in life, and it’s a really raw, honest story of how he became who he is. I will say that if you are interested in reading this, please look up the trigger warnings; there are a lot of things that could be triggering to people. 

I feel a little bad at how much more I liked this one compared to Tan France’s memoir, but I also feel like whoever was ghostwriting that one did a bad job at making Tan seem... not extremely defensive, cocky, and prickly (it seems that JVN did not use a ghostwriter; Tan’s on the other hand, let the phrase “I’m proud to be a petty bitch” make it into the final proof several times). Also JVN advocates going to therapy in his book, while Tan kind of says that you should only go to therapy if you have no friends or family or life partner to talk to, which I fundamentally disagree with. I don’t know. I also feel like, if I were to get a makeover from the Fab 5, Jonathan would love my hair (I have great hair) while Tan would say that I’m dressing too old for a 24 year old and then take me to fucking Lane Bryant or Torrid (I wear a size 16 US so IRL options are limited). 

Read if: You like Queer Eye or Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness

Medallion Status, by John Hodgman

4.5/5

I really like John Hodgman’s podcast, and I got to ask him a question at an event he did at the Field Museum and he was very nice, so I went into this inclined to enjoy it. 

And I did! I had a good time reading it. I read it the first week of January and now it’s the second week of February so I have already erased much of the book’s content from my mind, but he somehow made the perspective of being a formerly kinda famous person really interesting. I would also recommend Vacationland, particularly if anyone wants to write an au where Nursey, as a New Yorker, has a vacation home in Dex’s town in Maine. That’s right, I brought it back around to the topic of this blog. And that would be a fucking fantastic au. 

Read it if: you like memoirs! it’s a good one. 

Murder on the Orient Express, by Agatha Christie

Gonna give this one a 3/5 for performance, because Dan Stevens (again, because I liked his narration in the other one) does a really annoying American accent for a few characters, and an extremely bad Italian accent for another. I’m starting this review only a few hours in, so if it turns out that the Italian man is not Italian, I’ll revoke my criticism. Still a 5/5 mystery, though. I did have to stop many times when they were talking about Istanbul to go over to Spotify and play “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” by They Might Be Giants. 

Books abandoned in 2020 (so far) (no real spoilers, I didn’t get more than a few chapters into any of them):

The Unhoneymooners, Christina Lauren

I got to a point where the main character was telling a lie that would put her newly accepted job into jeopardy, and it stressed me out so much as a relatively new hire that I stopped listening for the day and started another one, and then the week had passed and then the library took it back. I think I’d enjoy it more if I was reading it physically and I could control how fast I got through awkward parts (I am practically allergic to secondhand embarrassment). The performance was good and I did get a hankering for cheese curds. 

Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris

I had like three audiobooks checked out at the same time, and even though this was again an abridged version, I just didn’t have time for all of them. My mom has a physical copy, I’ll borrow that at some point. 

The Witch Elm, Tana French

This is one I may revisit someday. The main character is kind of an asshole, which is the point of his character I think, but it made it hard to get into the story. It’s also a 22 hour audiobook, which is kind of insanely long. Additionally, the narrator has a very slow way of talking, but if I tried to speed up the rate of playback I had trouble understanding his accent (I think I just have trouble processing really fast speech in general as well, but I would’ve had an easier time understanding someone with the same accent as me). Anyways, someone put a hold on it at the library and then I didn’t check it out again.