#I think court jesters are a great honestly

[fishyvamp]

Thinking about Court Jester!Ghostface standing on stage at a festival. the queen is sat beside the King with two brave knights by their sides. The man who dares to scream and taunt on stage for all to see;

"Ladies and slimes and everyone who dares to climb, come quick, come quick!" Bells ringing as he prances around the stage his hat flopping about as children giggle at the scene. "I have a tale to share in honor of our newly crowned queen!" He bowed twirling his hat off his head revealing a mop of shaggy disheveled black hair. His eyes glancing up lingering on each one standing in the royal stand. Smirking as he felt the Captain stare him down. "I have tale, most fictional! But it tis grand and it tis smart and it tis only mine to tell. So listen closely..." He voice dropping softly watching as the crowd leaned in only to shout, "but not too close! For I shall scream my tale for it must be seen!"

Arms raised to the sky the bells of his feet jingling as he moved about, "tis a dark tale of deception, murder, and most importantly—" his wrist flicking out to reveal a rose holding it out to you to take, "Love most forbidden." A smile bright on his painted face.

He stood up straight covering his face, "but oh contrare my most debonair for I hath seen it's beauty plain in the eye of my mind it drives me insane I might die!" He placed above his head rocking on his feet as if to faint, falling back before stomping forward startling the crowd. "But I shall live and release this pain for all to hear so I may gain some semblance of..." His breath stalling the sentence trailing off his gaze cast downward seemingly locked on you. Before snapping away.

"there once was lonely prince of far away whose desires of love were not what he should crave. A servant! A slave!" He shouted crouching low hands in front of him as if ready to lunge, "A slave? You might say, tis true. A prince who was blue who craves a slave. A slave who is bound with one rule, a rule only a fool would break. Protect the prince, let him not ache. For if he did, the king would quake."

The court jester looked upon the crowd eyeing each and everyone memorizing their looks. His movements wide and broad, "Little did the king of madness know of the prince of sadness that he already ached, his mind slaved away trying to purge his thoughts of gay." He clawed at his clothes as his cadence became desperate. Falling to his knees, before looking up with soulful look. "The king must never know." He whispered longingly reaching out to the captain of the guard. Head dropping as he turned to the crowd face going blank. "The slave must never know." Hands pawing at the stage as he crawled along the polished wood, bells clanging with each step. "The slave must never know," he repeated reaching out to you. Before pulling away abruptly rising to his feet hands held to his chest.

"but if madness know anything, it knows to hurt." The words almost melancholy, "it knows to look; to find the sadness and make it grow! It lashes! lashes out tearing into flesh and bone!" His words louder with each word as he pulls away from himself, "you could hear the cry and as the slave screamed, chained and bound; helpless to fight, for the prince he must protect, but the king he must serve."

The jesters hands falling to his sides as he bows his head, "the prince he must protect, but the king he must serve" his words echoing on the stage. His pacing slow as he carried on, "the slave wept mourning the prince. Mourning the softness he brought. The slave had been greedy, being so needy as to crave the prince himself... He too died that day a heart so shattered it could scarcely beat." A single tear sliding down his face as he lets a silence linger over the space. "Tis a shame that tattered lovers were torn apart, but fret not their corpses did rise. A secret they vowed to keep the slave purging himself of his vows as he plunged a blade deep in the chest of a beast who will forever now sleep!"

The jester now facing the new queen, "whatever do you think a bride feel to know her groom had lied? To think he lived a corpse that loved another, but will never love her?" The Queen's personal guard moving closer hand on the back of her chair. The jester already thinking of ways to tell that tale at the next festival. The King's inner circle knows the truth, but to you it is just a tragedy. A story told by a man you wish would pay you mind even off that wretched stage. The rose sharp in your hand blood staining the stone below you as you clutched that rose.

[utilitycaster]

Hi there,

You said in the answer you just gave that, "the Nein mechanically played really well to the casts strength." Could you talk more about that? I'm someone who hasn't actually played D&D before, and everything I've learned has been through osmosis with CR, and your more crunchy posts have been really interesting to read, too.

Hi anon,

Thank you! I can answer but this is definitely pretty subjective in terms of how I see the classes they played and my view of the cast's mechanical strengths so know that you're getting one very specific perspective here. You will notice as a theme that I am not one for indecision.

Anyway: I think Liam and Travis are both notable within the cast for being decisive, in and out of combat, and both played characters with a huge array of options, as arcane utility spellcasters (plus Fjord's melee and, later, paladin abilities) and so having people who can make a quick, confident decision and stick to it with their spellcasting was crucial. Travis also has, as I once put it, court sense, and so having a character with options at basically any range in combat (from melee to eldritch blast range) was extremely good for him. I also just think they like utility casting, which, as my url indicates, I obviously think is awesome; but not all people like it and that's okay! I also just think they like it - both have mentioned on 4SD that Orym and Chetney are much more limited in what they can do.

I think Sam can get really hung up on the optimal and ideal thing to do at times. Really, the best way to put it - and FCG's death is a great example actually - is that Sam is not precious at all with his own characters but is worried about letting other people down. So I think the fact that Veth had a limited but interesting number of choices was actually quite good for him - he could make creative decisions (and even think outside the box, as with fluffernutter) but didn't have an endless list. It also still provided spellcasting, which is important to him.

I think Marisha is one of the strongest players on adding flavor to combat which is purely non-mechanical but is important in actual play if you are playing a character who does mostly the same thing. For what it's worth a lot of the things Beau played to her strengths were on the RP side (give the notetaker a character who has a reason to know a lot of lore) and also, I like monks but they are very straightforward characters to play in battle for the most part so there's not a ton to say, but I think she had a good sense of melee combat and would love to see her play more melee characters; Keyleth was obviously incredibly versatile, but this meant she did spend a lot of time in melee! Marisha also has decent instincts for tanking (Keyleth as regular tank thanks to wildshape and Beau as a dodge tank) so Beau allowed her to exercise that.

Taliesin is also a generally strong player in terms of mechanics and I think, honestly, his strength is that he doesn't seem to have a strong preference on what sort of class he plays and therefore was able to lean into a character who was almost purely support without any resentment over not getting the kill. In general I think Taliesin is very good at just...doing what his character is built to do, which seems damning with faint praise but honestly I think people who get really obsessive about Subverting Their D&D Class are annoying so this is praise and respect.

Laura is an interesting one in that I think she really likes to do Big Damage but she actually is quite skilled at utility casting. Having Caduceus definitely allowed Jester to shine in that she didn't have to serve as dedicated healer, but she also was a strong healer. Laura can be somewhat precious about her characters and I think being a healer is a good antidote for that in that you have the power to heal yourself if you get worried (honestly, this is why I started off as someone who played healers until I allowed myself to accept that dying on graph paper, as Taliesin once said, is fine). Being a prepared caster is also good for someone who, like Laura, can be competitive - it's interesting because she and Sam have a lot of similarities but I think respond in different ways, and Laura having a lot of options and knowing she can change them works well for her approach.

Ashley is also quite strong at flavor descriptors but I also think she likes doing damage, and I think Yasha was very much a "right character at the right time" for her in that barbarians are complicated in the sense of maneuvering, but not in the sense of options - it's a much easier character to jump back into after being away because she is, for the most part, going to be hitting things with a sword. I think she's doing a great job with Fearne too, but wildfire druid is MUCH harder to put down and pick up.

Really, in short, I think the cast members who thrive on having a ton of decisions had them; the cast members who at times have trouble picking what to do had a much more limited list which helped them; and those who don't really have a strong preference had other stylistic elements that were a good fit.

(I also happen to think, as I alluded to especially for Marisha's portrayal of Beau, that the Nein played to the cast's RP strengths as well and/or were given the time and space for the cast to grow into things they were less confident doing, eg: Travis and romance; and I think that does bleed into combat in that it helps you take actions that feel right for the character which in turn helps the other people around you predict what you'll do. It's the drift compatibility.)

[irresistiibles]

plotting/starter call under the cut! they're lightly capped at four per muse but if you have a good idea and it isn't last minute i'm happy to add it. i'll also being doing memes at the start of the event, so don't feel like you have to go crazy. like and i'll come to your dms or reply with some starters and i'll get to queueing! glad to see so much love and hype for the event!

achilles : unaware any change has occurred

achilles is technically a lord but is currently serving as a knight and thinks this has been his life forever. he's fine with it though he does think he deserves a higher up position than what he currently has and isn't thrilled he has to do this service as a knight for image or whatever it is that got him there. he is probably some sort of officer or commander not just one of the guys in the crowd. he spends a little too much time at the tavern starters (2/4): hades, patroclus

angel dust : aware things have changed

aware something happened but doesn't know how to explain it and is really worried he took something since everyone else is acting normal. he's also worried about how to find drugs here and will be very on edge all the time. starters (3/4): sir pentious, niffty, vaggie

asami sato : unaware any change has occured

working as a blacksmith and having a good time with it honestly. sure, it's less high tech than what she's used to back home but asami loves to learn new crafts and get used to new environments. actively involved in guild life and she's probably poking around with magic and monsters more than she should as well. starters (1/4): ben skywalker

ben hargreeves : unaware any change has occurred

honestly he's got no magic but would sign himself up to be a wizard's apprentice so fast. like that seems cool of course that's what he's doing. he likes adding ingredients to potions and chilling. absolutely will approach magical monsters even if he shouldn't starters (1/4): klaus hargreeves

clara oswald : unaware any change has occurred

she's happier now than she had been in modern washington. this is way more interesting to clara. she's working as a tutor but is absolutely getting too involved in nobility politics, and could get caught up trying to overthrow someone. also very interesting in the magical creatures all over the place starters (0/4):

deena johnson : unaware any change has occurred

a farmer who lives on the outskirts of town. she's really good with animals, and is probably one mistake away from being accused of witchcraft for one reason or another. she's not doing any witchcraft, but it probably way too comfortable talking to people who are. starters (1/4): rosamund du prix

emery anden : aware things have changed

he is very concerned with everything going on, especially in the medical field, and it's not making him feel great about the chances he's actually aware of his real life in modern washington also. get this man some help (not leaches please) starters (1/4): kaul hilo

fizzarolli : unaware any change has occurred

truly living up his best life as a jester for charlie. i would say they're a pretty well acclaimed jester in general, so even though he's a court jester they will come and perform in taverns when possible, and he's really just thriving in this sort of environment. starters (2/4): louise belcher, charlie morningstar

glinda upland : unaware any change has occurred

your local witch, but glinda has a very good reputation. she doesn't do any curses, just things like charms, good luck potions, healing spells, love potions, what have you. she's very chill and not worried about any accusations cause she's very good at keeping people happy and on her side starters (3/4): fiyero tiggular, lee hongjo, elphaba thropp

gu zi : unaware any change has occurred

you know what i'm committing. he's living as a rat catcher, and is honestly pretty chill about it. he absolutely also tries to befriend some of the bigger monsters and creatures running around washington even though he's got basically no way of defending himself. starters (0/4):

inej ghafa : unaware any change has occurred

she's actually gone from trying to work a respectable job in the modern day to going back to thievery and criminal activity. it's just easier and she doesn't trust as easily here with magic way more available and difficult to deal with starters (2/4): nimona, dom toretto

irina yang : aware things have changed

knows things changed suddenly, but has realized this is a great way to start scamming people. anything she can remember about the modern world she's selling as information, and they're also just kind of pretending to be a witch because she's got enough magic to get away with it, and when they ask for something she can't do, they're just putting drugs in potions. starters (0/4):

jang man wol : aware things have changed

she's working as an inkeeper but she's very upset to be back in the past. she already lived through this era! been there done that! where's her phone? her dramas? she will absolutely be complaining about this to anyone who will listen even if they think she's mad starters (0/4):

jin ling : unaware any change has occured

nobility. probably a whole king and very stressed and unhappy about it. made a ruler very young and has no idea what he's doing. he can't catch a break even when he's not home okay. starters (2/4): wei wuxian, jin guangyao

jonathan sims : aware things have changed

he's going to become fully aware after the event. right now he's still unaware of his real life but he's aware of his life in modern washington and knows this is not right. probably accidentally became a local prophet because of how he's just starting to Know things now, but he's mostly running around trying to figure out what the fuck is going on starters (0/4):

kyoshi : unaware any change has occurred

she's probably gotten herself involved with a local crime group because with her luck she would absolutely catch too much attention and get kicked out from her nice servant job. give her a crime group to join, she's got way too many morals and will be annoying but she's also good muscle. another one of my characters who's one wrong statement away from a witch hunt starters (1/4): jester lavorre

luo qingyang : unaware any change has occurred

living her best farmer life. she's got a bunch of chickens and is truly just chilling. is a good place to go to if anyone needs to hide from monster hunters or a witch hunt starters (0/4):

madoka kaname : unaware any change has occurred

give me a witch for her to apprentice under! she can't do magic but she can get ingredients, and help make potions, and bring a cat and some good energy along and she would love it a lot okay! she will also defend them as much as she can when the inevitable witch hunt comes along. starters (1/4): homura akemi

mei nianqing : aware things have changed

he's aware things are different but honestly he likes this better so he's kind of keeping his mouth shut i'm afraid. he's thriving as an astrologer/tutor/priest for the rich, and kind of hopes things will stay like this. don't mention how things were different he will gaslight you starters (0/4):

nico di angelo : unaware any change has occurred

he's a priest, does exorcisms and everything. obviously he still has his powers and knows who his dad is, but he just uses that to genuinely be able to help with ghosts and gain trust with people. he's living surprisingly comfortably here. starters (2/4): bianca di angelo, satana hellstrom

nie huaisang : aware things have changed

he knows things have changed but he's not really making that clear to anyone. sure, he'll talk in fantasy about a modern washington, but there's no need to stress everyone out by making them think he's more than just an airhead. he's a lower noble who spends his time chilling and painting. he's very interested in the mythical creatures and will try and adopt a baby dragon starters (1/4): nie mingjue

ning yingying : unaware any change has occurred

apprentice under shen qingqiu and learning about european swords and clothing. the problem with her being more confident and a little bit better at fighting in a world where duels and jousting are possibilities is she keeps considering it. girl is mostly living as a scholar but is ready to brawl do don't encourage her. starters (1/4): sha hualing

pearl: unaware any change has occurred

she's obsessed with the human concept of knights so this is great for her. she is of course serving as a knight, and though i'm sure she's under a specific kingdom but i would love to plot someone who she's specifically guarding. she's very protective and will be willing to throw herself in front of danger without hesitation pls employ. starters (1/4): sella palpetine

roronoa zoro : unaware any change has occurred

working as a bounty hunter/sword for hire again for both humans and mosnters, whatever gets him a paycheck. he'll work for whoever, but he's less inclined to work for people of power, he just doesn't really get along with them that well, and he's mostly looking to fight more than get a massive paycheck. starters (2/4): sanji, sgaeyl

shang qinghua : unaware any change has occurred

advisor to some sort of noble! overworked and a schemer, so if anyone's plotting against nobles he is a good person to go to. he's happy to do a lot of underhanded shit to get rid of people. give me a noble for him to work under. starters (1/4): kaul shae

shi qingxuan : unaware any change has occurred

honestly living a chill life as a barmaid/occasional beggar when funds are low. qingxuan is actually really comfortable and having a fun time with the common people in this form of washington, so it'll be a nice time for them. a good friend to have if you want cheap drinks starters (1/4): syala eren

toph beifong : unaware any change has occurred

technically somehow got herself stuck as a noble lady, and i think it would be funny for someone to plot being the poor knight/guard looking after her because i know toph is quite literally always running away from them and trying to get into fights or start trouble starters (4/4): katara, mai, jamie, zuko

yin yu : unaware any change has occursed

he's a gravedigger lmao, and not obsessed with it for obvious reasons. catch him sulking around in graveyards on the regular. he's staying away from most of the new mythical creatures and is trying to convince the people he knows to stay away from the dragons as well. starters (1/4): astrid hofferson

zagreus : unaware any change has occurred

he's a prince but doesn't actually like doing that and is working a small apothecary job on the side and just hopping he doesn't get recognized. loves going to watch jousting and see if he can get included somehow. starters (0/4):

[queer-ragnelle]

What are some of the weirdest stories/books/movies etc you've encountered in your Arthuriana journey? Whatever weird might mean to you (good/bad/unsettling/unexpected/surreal/goofy)

Hi anon!

This is honestly a tough thing to answer because what even constitutes a weird Arthurian retelling? They're all pretty weird haha! But I definitely have a few that come to mind

The French film Perceval (1978) is super weird in a great way! It's shot on a stage with painted backgrounds and metallic trees and structures for the set. Real horses are brought on. A troupe of bards provide diegetic music, playing instruments and singing a narration of events on screen while also acting as characters in their own right (such as the jester Kay throws into the fire). Perceval and Gauvain narrate their own stories in third person at times too. It's surreal! It's as if Perceval's world is "fake," since his mother has kept him isolated for so long, it's a distorted view of reality. This is the closest adaptation of Chrétien de Troyes's Story of the Grail I can think of, it's nearly word-for-word, BUT! They removed the racism and antisemitism. Two thumbs up! The ending is bananas. There's no describing it, you just have to watch. You can download this movie from my MEGA drive or it can be watched for free on Tubi! (Content warning for nudity and some gore.)

The film Unidentified Flying Oddball (1979) is my favorite adaptation of Mark Twain's A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. The main character Tom works for NASA developing an android named Hermes. Through a comedy of errors, both Tom and Hermes end up launched into space at the speed of light, traveling through time, and crash land in Camelot, 508AD. Mordred mistakes Tom for a monster (due to his space suit and orb-shaped helmet) but Tom quickly wins Arthur's trust and allowed to hang out. He meets Sandy, a girl who thinks her dad has been transformed into a goose, and together with her and a page named Clarance, works to return home. It's exceedingly silly. I much prefer the character Tom (and Hermes, who is identical in appearance to Tom and jousts for him) to Sir Boss in the Connecticut Yankee film from 1949 with Bing Crosby. Tom's gun is funnier than the original as it's more like a science-fiction laser that blows things up. He also has a magnet ray he uses to draw armored knights where he wants. Not a good film, but goofy and fun. You can download this movie from my MEGA drive! (No content warnings, it's a family movie!)

The film Excalibur (1981) obviously has to make this list. Coincidentally, it's mostly for Percival again. The Grail Quest segment accounts for just 20 minutes of the entire film, but it feels like eons. And it's So Weird. It's safe to call it horror. Percival meets struggle after struggle, encountering many dead comrades along the way, raving mad townspeople struggling to survive, Morgan and Mordred attempting to steer him wrong. He's eventually hung from a tree and has a vision of God's voice. (Hallucination or real?) The dead knight dangling above him sways and his spurs cut Percival free. From there he runs into Uriens and holds him as he dies, struck down by miscreant knights. Percival eventually achieves the grail, obviously, but it's not until he's pushed the absolute limits. It's probably one of my favorite sequences in film ever. 11/10. You can download this from my MEGA drive! (Content warning for nudity, rape, gore, and incest.)

As for books, I recommend The Modern Arthur Trilogy by Peter David. The first one is Arthur running for mayor of NYC, the second one is President of the United States, and the third one he sort of becomes a god. It's wild. Other characters include Guinevere, Lancelot, Morgan le Fay, Mordred, Percival, Merlin, and of course the Lake of the Lake. The sequels randomly add Gilgamesh and Enkidu (and later Noah, like the guy with an ark in the Bible??) and it's all very strange indeed. The first book is definitely the best but Gilgamesh/Enkidu were pretty freaky (affectionate) so I did enjoy that, although the whole premise of book two is...meh. I listened to the graphic audio books which were awesome, the sound effect of Arthur falling down the subway stairs in full armor is worth every penny. (Content warning for incest, murder, cannibalism, racism, and terrorism)

[ursifors]

reasons to watch tyler hazard/nottheduke on twitch/youtube, by one of his moderators and friend 🫡

family friendly - i feel like people see family friendly and think it means "for children" but that isnt the case. in this instance, i specifically mean he does not curse and does not make sexual innuendo every 2 seconds. this is a stream safe to put up in front of your grandma or your 4 year old nephew, while also enjoying it yourself.

chat interaction - if you are like me then watching twitch streams are largely made more entertaining by the streamer interacting positively with chat, which tyler is great at! his viewership is small right now but he does so many bits with chat and it is always hilarious.

court jester - he literally unicycles and juggles every stream why is anyone watching literally anyone else. new/resub? juggle. hype train? unicycle. u can also make him do both via channel points which is not always in his favor as we make him juggle over and over.

stream effort - as small a streamer as he is, he puts SO MUCH WORK into doing cool and entertaining stuff for streams because he is passionate about it and wants to do fun stuff for us to watch.

kind hearted - i have been watching his streams for almost a year now and i have never once seen him have a bad attitude no matter what the circumstance. he always remains positive and tries to put a smile on everyones face no matter what.

honestly he is just a very kind sweet guy who i think deserves the world :/

[beardisable]

The Ring

ok im very suprised i havent seen a post about the ring yet(maybe i didnt look far enough idk) but here's some Thoughts i had right away hurm, its long oops

my first thought seeing this was the caduceus symbol as ive seen at least some ppl mention

which i thought was VERY interesting, considering 1 the hermes connection and 2 the connection i recalled to doctors/medicine

according to wikipedia at least this symbol IS for hermes, with some great connotations for both the rogue's identity and for the doctor who has the ring now

Hermes himself... protector of humans, travelers, thieves(rogues...?), messenger of the gods... can move anywhere quickly with the aid of something, mercury which is the beautiful volatile liquid metal... the divine trickster(are you the court jester lmao), god of cunning, language, wit...

the wand itself, to send people to a gentle death or even resurrect them? role of the soul guide.

much to think about...

ANWYAYS the use of the caduceus for medical organizations is actually kind of a misuse

the Rod of Asclepius is actually the correct symbol, with no wings and one snake

i went on kind of a Dive and the rod's name is related to a god that was seen as a patron for medical practicioners, and invoked in taking the hippocratic oath

Now how is this relevant ??

WELL it might not be. maybe i got the symbol wrong, as i honestly feel i did, bc it looks a bit like a sword if i look at it differently

BUT. if i were to indulge myself i think this has many interesting implications.

So like. first thoughts: oh its the caduceus symbol? i think it has some kind of relation to doctors? AHHHH see very much fits for the doctor! and its a symbol for hermes as well who is a traveller god, jack of all trades... fits !

which might just be the correct reading, a cool significant choice

But im also now thinking about the Layers that i pointed out earlier... how its NOT actually the symbol of doctors/is mistakenly used as it... implies some kind of "not what it seems" that has been constant over this season, implies lying, a front, a mask... possibly incompetence? misunderstanding?

The oath taken invokes the god of the correct symbol, and it just made me think about The Doctor title... about all the conflict over it and if it fits the doctor after all, how it's a self imposed title instead of something given, does it really fit with their actions all the time? do they follow the oath? first do no harm? they surely try

and yes it did make me think about the rogue is master theories and hints, i am not completely convinced on it, but if it were true? Very Master to give the Doctor a ring with a false symbol for his identity...

OTHER read on this is of course. what if the symbol is about the Rogue instead? He does also seem to fit many of the allusions. especcially being a thief/rogue... hummmmm

i dont really have a Big Point, this is mostly rambling lmao, i wanted to get these thoughts out

also most of my knowledge is from wikipedia and percy jackson so if anyone actually educated in this mythology or the history of medicine wants to weigh in, i absolutely welcome you :D

[best-movie-ever-tournament]

What's your favorite musical from the bracket? Feel free to wait until it's eliminated to answer.

I'll be honest with you, I don't know a lot of musicals (kinda started this tournament to get recs, honestly). At least that's what I thought until i realised i had seen a bunch of the submissions. Now, granted, it was particularly popular ones, not the nichest ones, but still.

Anyway, I have a bunch of favorites, and I'll reblog this post at the end of every round with the list of eliminated movies I know and like.

For this round, we have, by alphabetical order:

Duck Soup (1933): It's completely silly and nonsensical, and I can't stand anyone involved in the plot, but it's also a great movie. The number of one liners I still quote, the entire jab at governments in general and dictatorships in particular... Groucho Marx being a gold digger and an asshole isn't new, Harpo having a horn and miming stuff isn't new, Chico speaking with a fake italian accent isn't new, but I absolutely love it anyway.

Into the Woods (2014): I know, i know, the stage musical is better, but consider: i haven't seen the stage musical. I do realise that most of what I love about it probably comes straight out of the musical itself, but there's also Meryl Streep so there's that. The first half is absolutely great and I don't care much for the second half even if there are still some bangers (the song about who's at fault and the Last Midnight among others)

My Fair Lady (1964): Haven't watched it since I was a child, and in the mean time I've learned how to speak english and what phonetics were, so I'm sure I would enjoy it even more. I can't remember much about it apart from what is common knowledge though.

Sing (2016): It's cute and funny and deep and not-so-deep and there's friendship and I'm not even a fan of animated musicals, anthro animals or the musical genre of most of the songs but. Consider. It's so good.

The Court Jester (1955): Absolute banger. Put it in front of a musical i had never heard of on the first round because I had high hopes for it. Well c'est la vie. Anyway you absolutely have to watch it. It aged very well I think, despite what the promotional materials show. It's got fencing and true love and torture and masked vigilantes and musical numbers and dancing and honestly this is my Princess Bride. Like everyone on tumblr is always like "princess bride is my entire childhood" and then point at a comedy swashbuckler with a prince trying to get the hero's girlfriend, his right hand man who's sinister, etc. Meanwhile The Court Jester has everything of that and MORE! It has a tender male lead, it has comedy at every corner, and more importantly, it is my whole childhood. I blame it for making me learn english in the first place (we only had it in english with subtitles).

The Inspector General (1949): Adapted from a russian play and yet it feels like preparatory work for The Court Jester in some way. It's still a banger don't get me wrong, and keep in mind that the version i have is not a very legal one and the image definition is very very bad. It still manages to pull through as great. I love it.

[get-away-sticks]

Bells the Jester

Hey Clownlr. A few weeks back, I posted about the stray Court Jester wandering around my neighborhood. First off, thank you to everyone who gave me advice on what to do about him. I really appreciate all of it and honestly really needed to hear it.

I have some great news about him. While we couldn’t find any good shelters, a family friend living nearby decided to take him in. She’s had experience raising several different breeds, including jesters and fools. Her property is very nicely sized and empty apart from her, so Bells has plenty of space to live. It probably helps that my family friend used to work at the RenFair and has a ton of medieval decor around her place.

I went over to visit on Saturday and Bells is settling in very well. He still likes to go out around the neighborhood by himself, but his new owner and I have worked together to make sure he’s safe. Neutered, gotten all of his vaccines, all of that. He got really excited when he saw me, and let me tell you, it was so comforting to hear how loud his jingling has gotten between finding him that first time and now.

I’m planning on visiting him again this weekend, and I want to bring over something special for him. His bell hat is sort of threadbare, but I think it’d be too big of a step to try giving him a new one. Anybody have any suggestions of good gifts for him? Or for my family friend. She does have all the care equipment she needs, but some of it is a little old and her last jester Curly accidentally broke her flag trumpet. I would get one of those, but they’re kind of expensive and money is tight right now. Thoughts?

[myreygn]

hey rey! i have a few different characters/ships for your ask game so feel free to choose which to do!

1. shin soukoku

2. dazai & odasaku

3. geto

4. kunikida

5. giyuu

hope you have a great day/night! (btw i’ll get cracking on your most recent request for lee geto and ler gojo 😉)

oh oh oh very interesting options! i'll see if i have something for these!

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸¸♫·¯·♪¸¸♩·¯·♬¸¸

shin soukoku: Fever Dream (Palaye Royale)

can you see the words i'm up here trying to preach // no need to cry, you'll never find me trying to leave // i can see that you're in pain from your pale and lifeless face // so let go and float away

it just has this vibe of hey we're both tangled up in this net of lies that other people tell and wars that other people fight and maybe together we're gonna be strong enough to end all of this

dazai & odasaku: Savior II (Black Veil Brides)

and every word that came from you has carried me // so i'm trying my hardest to be what you made // like a court jester, my smile won't fade // giving it all, rising to fall to my grave // answer the call, living in thrall, you're the one born to save

is it not giving dazai right after oda's death?? just a little bit?? their relationship is so special to me actually i don't talk about them enough (also i was so close to taking loser baby from hazbin hotel i'm sorry 💀)

geto: Joan of Arc (In This Moment)

you can crucify, you can nail me to your cross (light me up, light me up) // you can find me guilty for everything you lost (light me up, light me up) // go ahead, blame me for your sins // go ahead and sacrifice me // i'll be your martyr, i'll be your joan of arc

is this a good time to tell you that i never actually watched jjk? 😭 idk if this fits i feel like it does from the little knowledge i have but you need to tell me if it makes sense i'm so sorry (also yey thank you for writing the request!!)

kunikida: Das Herz eines Drachen (Feuerschwanz)

du hast das herz eines drachen, glühend wie gold // flieg in die schlacht, so edel und stolz // du hast das herz eines drachen in deiner brust // kämpf bis zum schluss // und irgendwann wenn wir verglüh'n // halt ich es fest, weil ich es spür // dass dein starkes herz sein feuer nie verliert // denn dein drachenherz schlägt weiter, tief in mir

i feel like it's often overlooked how much the ada members admire kunikida and this feels like it fits his leader personality so well idk. i'm recommending this song a thousand times and here's a translation for you to make you consider listening to it lol:

you've got the heart of a dragon, glowing like gold // fly into battle, so noble and proud // you've got the heart of a dragon inside of your chest // fight 'til the end // and one day when we burn out // i'll hold onto it because i sense // that your strong heart will never lose its fire // and your dragon heart will keep on beating inside of me

giyuu: 99 Luftballons (Nena)

99 jahre krieg ließen keinen platz für sieger // kriegsminister gibt's nicht mehr und auch keine düsenflieger // heute zieh ich meine runden // seh die welt in trümmern liegen // hab 'n luftballon gefunden // denk an dich und lass ihn fliegen

yes it's german again my apologies and there's technically an official english version of this (99 red balloons) but honestly it's a pretty bad translation. it's a song about war being horrible and unnecessary and how we should strive for peace, the balloons being a metaphor for countries firing their weapons over every little thing, and honestly this part i put here reminds me of giyuu and sabito, or giyuu thinking about sabito post canon:

99 years of war left no room for winners // there are no more ministers of war and no more fighting jets // today i'm making my way around // i see the world lying in ruins // i have found a balloon // i think of you and let it fly

[fullmusicbardsquared]

Are there any other characters of note in Vinyl Hell :0?

hm, it depends on your definition of 'of note'- most of the characters disappear in and out but i'll talk about the more plot-instigator ones - and you can probably tell i am somewhat struggling with the mid-plot

idk if you saw allay's ask a few minutes ago um . the smart patrol are a group of 3 kids (like 10) who basically mistake the jester for a villain they fight and try to, well, fight him. they end up hitting his face and he gets knocked out and then they get bored and leave. this starts his transformation into a doll.. (they're from a devo song called smart patrol / mr dna)

when the jester is halfway between 'human' and doll, he meets seireeni (she's the devo song puppet boy). she basically tries to convince him to hang around with her and perform for crowds- and also realizes he isn't from the new wave world and tells him. she's silly but i haven't decided how yet

Farris is actually going to be important i promise . she's based on the great curve, a talking heads song from Remain In Light, a song about / with a theme of spirituality and divinity. i dont really know how to sum it up and i honestly just suggest listening to it . in contrast to most of the characters she is aware of the 'looping' nature of the musical world, and mostly views it as a freeing positive thing. this awareness will be important i just Don't Know How Yet also due to being from remain in light she is Gittens's sister

Okay this one require a bit of explanation. because i forgit to say it before.

the jester isn't a human guy. he's from the prog rock dimension. he's that yellow jester mentioned in like, 3 lines of in the court of the crimson king yayyyy. he doesn't remember this At First but, well... he will eventually encounter characters (i have not decided What Song Yet) who are going to be from king crimson songs- NEW WAVE ERA. yeah they dabbled in new wave at one point. YAY

i think that's all . i hope these make sense :-]D

[tomsawyee]

something in the last, like, year or so has completely killed any of my desire to ever interact with A Fandom ever again, and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it--

I used to have a notion that, even if my personal ways of interacting with the media I enjoy on a deeper level never aligned with the “mainstream” of a given fandom, I could still carve out a place to enjoy myself. But the more time I’ve spent in these spaces, the more absolutely convinced I am that they are, despite what they would adamantly insist, generally repellent to critical thinking. And I always knew this, a great deal of us always knew this, but I’ve just. Lost the ability to politely ignore it while I do my own thing, because those people inevitably find the things I make, anyway. And I still have to fucking listen to them. Because they are the majority. And as audiences churn, the core base never learns anything.

As the internet centralizes, actively contributing to this hobby community gets you labeled a Content Creator, and with that comes the mob expectation that you create content. For free. On demand. This exacerbates the perceived social divide between Creators and Consumers. People who don’t actually contribute to the body of work get this idea that they are being forced into an Out Group, when in reality, the In Groups are generally just people who care about the thing more than you and end up making friends because of it. This is particularly obvious in big fandoms. Creators are at the same time perceived as Fandom Elite while also being your unpaid court jesters.

And fandom is racist! It’s so fucking racist, and it hides it in pseudo-progressive, frequently queer language while constantly looping the same shitty excuses for whitewashing and ooc stereotyping and bending over backwards to cut POC out of the picture as much as humanly possible, REGARDLESS of what the original text says. So, so often, I go back into the source material thinking “Am I the one who remembers this the wrong way??” only to find that, no, the fandom presence for a given series will always default to distilling the text down to only its white people, then only its lighter skinned people. Characters of color are props to fandom. There is zero interest in the internal lives and humanity of people of color. Fandom would rather make a white protagonist Ambiguously Tan than pay half a mind to an actual character of color. And if you point it out, you get dogpiled by white queers self-righteously crytyping in your notes. Fandom friends and friendly acquaintances of color I meet are always the first people to burn out and leave, because being here is so consistently hostile. Of course AO3 is 70%+ white. Why the fuck would you willingly put yourself through this?

Despite this, we fancy ourselves a ‘progressive’ subculture because we allegedly care about things like ‘representation,’ a concept that has lost all meaning in a dozen different, equally infuriating ways. The delusions of a Higher Purpose, of fandom as political statement or even activism, are all the more embarrassing under this lens. The pervasive idea that fandom exists to “““fix”““ the silly, dumb “““regressive”““ source material by sanding down every single corner until it is the same featureless sphere that can be effortlessly slibbered down like every other cookie cutter re-imagining that came before it. The idea that professional writers are generally outclassed by fandom writers. Pestering creatives on the bird app worked for Glee, so now every time something happens that we don’t like, it becomes a social media moral crusade that is honestly embarrassing to be even tangentially associated with. I’m not here to change the scope of entertainment, or to keyboard warrior for some fictional characters produced by a multi-billion dollar media company that will never see me as anything but a demographic with a wallet. I’m here because a work made me feel creative. It’s not that deep.

(the more expensive the art is to make, the less likely it is to ever target “risky” smaller demographics! this is why TV and film and AAA games suck so much! if you want more textual queerness, read books!) (or listen to them!) (look up some webcomics!) (enormous media companies will NEVER be beacons of creative progress!)

So yeah I’ve come to accept that me and this world are just. Fundamentally incompatible. I’m never going to like it here, despite really, really trying for half my lifetime. I need to stop trying to carve out spaces for myself, because the percentage of people who legitimately care about critical and creative analysis of art and fiction is exponentially smaller than this community would have you think.

[daincrediblegg]

Movie buff asks !! (Where I also recommend movies)

‘1. Favorite action film?’

Mine is Hardcore Henry (2015), a movie that’s very interesting in the fact that it’s entirely filmed in first person ! I found it very fun for when u want to turn your brain off and have something exciting to take up your time (also I think the full thing is available on YouTube ? Or at least last time I checked).

And

‘34. An underrated movie?’

Housebound (2014) is a movie I think is very underrated, about a woman who becomes increasingly convinced that her mothers home is haunted after strange things begin to occur, tho because she is staying there due to being put under house arrest, she cannot leave.

OOOOH good ones... hmmm...

For the first... gonna have to go with Everything Everywhere All At Once tbh. the only other times I've really seen where the fighting is also a metacommentary on one of the themes actually being portrayed by the film is The Dark Knight, or The Matrix, and honestly it's just too damn good that one. It's what more action films should strive for tbh and it will never stop exploding my mind.

34. god I have a whole pocket full of underrated movies. first one that comes to mind for me is The Fall- because literally it's so underrated they don't even make copies of it on physical media anymore- and my dad had to pay like 70 bucks to get an old blu-ray copy on ebay for me for christmas a couple years ago. seriously one of the most incredible films I've ever seen and absolutely nobody knows about it anymore (for the lee pace girlies as well- this one is a MUST). But also I feel like I should show my chops as a film major with deep cuts... so lets go with Jafar Panahi's The Mirror- seriously the most insane meta/use of cinematic form I've ever seen (trust me- not a film that can be explained. just has to be seen to be believe. you will literally not expect anything of what happens tho and that's the point). And also I have to shout out to Mike Flanagan's Gerald's Game which I think is probably his best feature-length to date (discounting Midnight Mass, the outlier- and yes Hush is also insanely good but Gerald's Game fucked me up WAY more tbh and is still one of the best horror films I've ever seen- which on that note A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night is great btw). OH!!!!!! And some low-key faves of mine from my dad's old movie marathons: The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (woman talks to an old sailor ghost who is haunting her house and falls in love with him. no I'm not going to project ANOTHER lady terror and francis au onto this one for sure). Also The Court Jester starring Danny Kaye, and The Petrified Forrest (one of Humphrey Bogart's first films ever- and it's GREAT)

MOVIE BUFF ASKS

[fourleaf-artlocke-tracker]

HGSS - Stream #1

Stream began on 9/11 around 5:30 CST Announcement Tumblr Post

Stream Summary below the cut :3

Starter chosen! A Cyndaquil named Kettle! +1 Pokemon!

Ethan is Forrest, how fun! :3

After a long debate and one misspelt poll name (minon -fish) the rival is named! Wallow, the evil version of Willow who is Definitely Real and Willow totally didn't just commit those crimes. Totally. Yep. Awesome.

The rival's creature is name Potodile.... cute creature with pot on head

One time, it didn't talk to it's ingame mom before leaving and it felt so bad that it reset the game. That is a canon thing that they said. honestly real and canon.

The first encounter, a Pidgey! Named Moe Wings! +1 Pokemon!

An idea was tossed around about giving her yuri wings and a lot of history was discussed during the drawing of this creature!! very cute and a v fun segment

tbh i had to go get water and missed Poke Bowl's catching, but we got Poke Bowl the Metapod with only Harden! How fun :) + 1 Pokemon!

Soon after, Willow caught a Spinarak! Between the choices Bobbin and Spindle, it chose Bobbin! Personally, this guy is my favorite thus far :) + 1 Pokemon!

Then, we arrived in the Belsprout Tower! Thing! (idk ive never played HGSS) and caught a silly Ghastly! Dimple! Well, silly sure is a word for it. Watching this thing being animated was... interesting. :) + 1 Pokemon!

Mob Psycho Ghastly. Horrible. Higher resolution image because the people need to see this.

I agree, user keyboardTennis and user Plush0fairy.

Accidental creature jumpscare.......

Zubat encounter! We catch it with general ease! This name was a chat-name, and we chose Doctor LawRent. Awesome. Perfect. Darling baby. I would kill for her. She works a solid internship and wants to move her way up the corporate ladder. Good for her. Graduated with honors. +1 Pokemon!

oh my GOD its so low quality forgive me. pleasee…

The chat enticed Wyll with the Wooper, but the false prophet himself, a rodent. The allure of life, only to discover failure itself. Fate's cruel hands have touched this creature and have hurt the people. Velvet joins the team. + 1 Pokemon!

angry creature... and transgender.... and yuri with Moe Wings

Whoopass x Pidgay yuri mention!!! woo!!!! tragedy...

Willow realizes that the level cap is 13. Oh No...

"HE IS A BALL!!! He has nothing to drop but himself! and my standards of him..." - Willow 2k24

oh!

awesome!

Dimple almost dies soon after. 4 health vs a lvl3 Belsprout. Good job, Dimple. Woo!

Velvet x LawRent arises as the new yuri ship... OH AND POLYCULE IDEA HAS BEEN TOSSED INTO THE RING! WOOOOOOOO!!!

Willow defeats the tower's Elder Li!

it just tried to teahc flash to dimple oh no oh fuck oh NO

After a quick almost-death with Moe Wings, Willow dives into the gym! Falkner makes a great show of how bird pokemon are superior and then gets his first pokemon absolutely DESTROYED by Moe Wings.

Attempting a switch, Dimple is brought down to 4hp after a single gust. Swap out into Kettle, a few close-calls, and then the first gym badge is Willow's!

Rock Smash.... i want to rock smash in my skull for writing this

oh my god chills voice. what the hell. deku?

Willow uses hacker power. magic. i think. i dunno. they use their magical powers of inserting numbers into boxes to roll the Mareep egg in the word game...

oh my god it encounters a wooper after we've already got velvet... the true prophet watches our failures and laughs... laughs... laughs... on and on... but we are the fools, the jesters among the courts of man and it knows. It dances around our wishes and sets them ablaze. "No water types!" it screams and shouts.

hehe creature

they are all 5 pixels tall in his screenshot.... so tiny...

KETTLE EVOLUTION!!!! darling child baby boy.....

chills possession arc went crazy

litte creatures....

im going to be so fr rn. i did not watch the rest of the stream because i had work in the morning and did not want to stay until 12am for the HGSS anniversary... guys i have to pay my BILLS.

so if anyone was there and wants to submit a quick summary of the events then that transpired, then do tell me!!!

the stream is still ongoing if its september 11th so... :)

ADDED POKEMON: +7 LOST POKEMON: 0 NET POKEMON: +7

[unknown-writez]

The Traveler and The Jester

Chapter two: The Nightmarket

Part two

The door shut behind us loudly and a blast of warm breeze hit my face. I closed my eyes a second while breathing in the fresh air then turned to puck who hadn’t moved yet as he watched me. “So which way is the court?” I asked ready to start our trek but he just laughed “we aren’t going to the court. At least not yet.” he started to explain “but you said…” I started only for him to cut me off “I know what I said but do you really think we will be able to strut right past the guards and through the massive amounts of fey with you looking like that?” he gestured to my clothes ``…no.We are going to the night market to get some clothes and stuff. no one can hurt or suspect you there. it’s a neutral territory, all are welcomed, lucky for us.” he finished explaining, starting to walk towards the woods ruffling the top of my head as he passed. I walked after him trying to catch up blush creeping onto my cheeks “ how far is the market?” I asked, “Not far, only like a 15 minute walk.” He replied “wicked.” I said back smiling at him “So robin what do you do for fun?” I asked, trying to start a conversation “honestly other than saving damsels in distress like you and messing with the court not much.” he replied, shrugging “you must have a lot of great stories then.” I replied, his smile growing as he pridefully reminisced “you bet! I have a story for every occasion!” he said “what’s your favorite?” I asked, stepping over a log following him through the dark forest “my favorite story?… it has to be when I had my two friends ash and ari. before everything went downhill. before I met Megan even. us three would cause havoc and chase down monsters. see air and ash were winter fey and you know our different courts don’t get along but we didn’t care. Even when the kings and queens would send hunting party after hunting party we stood our ground and fought together no matter what. Well, one day we were exploring the border between summer and winter and we came across this cave. Ash being the stoic know it all he thought we shouldn’t go in but I thought differently and did what I always do and dived head first not caring. Plus in all honesty we both kinda had a thing for ari. so it was always a competition. Who was the bravest? Who could kill more monsters? ya know stupid stuff. So me being me I ran into this cave and of course they ran in after me like I planned all along. as soon as they caught up all of a sudden the floor fell out from underneath us. we ended up dropping like six stories into this water filled chamber luckily we all had powers to break the fall them with their ice and I turned into a bird but The two of them slid right off their makeshift iceberg and dropped right into the freezing water while I was safe and dry on a big rock that poked out the water in the middle. Eventually ash and ari got to land with me and ash went off throwing a fit yelling and screaming like a little kid. “puck you careless fool!'' Robin shouted in a loud deep annoying voice mimicking his friend while I laughed. “all because he was cold, wet and stuck because of me.” he continued back to normal “meanwhile I stood laughing and making fun of him. It was the funniest thing ever!” puck let out a happy laugh “then breaking our arguing there was a loud rumbling sound coming from a far part of the cave that we couldn’t see. Ari scolded us saying we needed to be quiet but it was too late. Our noise alerted the gremlins that had resided in the different chambers and within minutes hundreds of them swarmed us. We fought together all three of us in sync till Ari came up with a plan. As I did what I do best, annoyed and distracted the gremlins all the while getting them to move up the walls of the cave ari froze them creating a kind of ladder. we got out the hole we fell through and raced out the cave….

[oregano-gremlin]

ahhh thanks!

relationship status: no :'( indefinitley closeted for safety reasons

favorite color: dark, desaturated, blue-ish greens are special to me

song stuck in my head: the court jester! great song honestly

last song i listened to: either give it away by the red hot chili peppers or pump shanty by the mechanisms depending on how you count it! give it away was playing in the car, but it was on a radio station so i didn't choose it specifically

last thing i googled: "most popular red hot chili peppers songs" b/c i couldn't remember the name of give it away :')

dream trip: i'm not sure honestly, i think that any tropical place (specifically one with those blue-water caves) would be really cool!

anything i want right now: my shoulder is all cramped up if that would go away i would be happy 👍

@empty-warehouse @trendyshadowqueen and anyone else who wants to :)

tag 10 people you want to get to know better

tagged by @churchofkira

relationship status: I’ve got a long term, long distance girlfriend who I hope one day we can get the money together to actually move in together. She’s my best friend and we’re constantly calling, texting, or on discord together. She and mom have also pretty much adopted each other.

favourite colour: light pink, light blue, pale lavender. I also love grey because it’s essentially pastel black.

song stuck in my head: usually something from tiktok I don’t know the name of. Right now nothing but I’m sure that answer will change the next time I open the app. (oh god the unholy two weeks my feed was full of CBAT)

last song i listened to: Lady of the Flowers by Placebo (which has been a song I loved since I first saw an Utena AMV set to it.)

three favorite foods: egg drop soup (which is the only way I can stand eggs), the pistachio cake my manager makes and brings on special occasions (yes I realize I could just learn to make it myself but I am a disaster in the kitchen), pizza

last thing i googled: it was something to do with my taxes because I had to COMPLETELY redo them before submitting because I missed some sort of decimal point somewhere and …yeah.

dream trip: I reallly really want to visit paris one day to go to this one bakery for their macrons or really really want to go to Japan to visit several lolita stores in person. 

anything i want right now: executive functioning would be nice?

I’m tagging: @oregano-gremlin @jessynote @demon-sterrr @blondiest @lightyaoigami @willpowers @grimalkinmessor @mvsticx @girltiepolo @blacknailpolishnear

Also if anyone else I haven’t tagged wants to do this, feel free to do it and tag me to read it!

[meowdarame]

“𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭?”

pairings: tooru oikawa x f!reader (afab!reader, she/her pronouns)

synopsis: hectic is an understatement for oikawa’s schedule— it’s not easy being a pro-athlete. and because of the chaos of his daily life, he foolishly forgets to buy you a birthday present. all is doomed until he realizes that he has the perfect present tucked away in his gym shorts. (inspired by a line in the song “birthday sex” by jeremih)

warnings: NSFW, 18+ MINORS DNI; oral (f!receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, lmk if there’s anything that i missed!

word count: 2.8k

notes: part of my birth month event, for she’s a jolly good fellow! also this was my first work that was NOT beta-read, so i apologize if it’s a little rough! as always, hope you enjoy and likes and reblogs are super appreciated!

special tag: @bxnten BECAUSE I’M DUMB AND DIDN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT CAT MEANT TO TAG HER IN MY STUFF 😭

Only two thoughts cross Oikawa’s mind after a Friday afternoon practice: 1) What fucking day is it again? and 2) Shit, I’m totally screwed.

To say that his schedule is “hectic” would be a drastic understatement. Between grueling early morning and late afternoon volleyball practices and exhausting photoshoots for his sponsorships and brand deals, the pretty setter barely even has time to think to himself. He wakes up just as tired as he was when he went to bed, and this pattern continues through all seven days of the week, all fifty-two weeks of the year. Soon, his days begin to blend together, nearly indistinguishable from one another. If his life were a painter’s palette, the only color that would be visible on it would be a drab shade of brown.

Even then, when the common man would most likely crumble and fold under this intense pressure, the “Great King” Tooru Oikawa overcomes and conquers. It comes as no surprise to anyone that he’s able to keep up with his daily activities, entrusting his day-to-day routine in the hands of the beloved calendar app on his phone. But it’s this same app that stupidly forgot to remind him a week prior to today that this Friday was your birthday— or perhaps it did alert him, but the notification was just buried under a sea of work emails and Instagram comments from his adoring fans. Honestly, who knows?

All he knows is that right now, as he flies down the Argentinian highways and races home, Oikawa feels more like a court jester than he does an honorable member of royalty.

The heavy wooden door of your home slams shut with a loud thud. After tossing his keys onto the kitchen counter, he checks the time on his watch and exhales a sigh of relief. Thankfully, you should still be at work for another hour, which buys him just enough time to figure out a gift. He plops down onto the couch and begins brainstorming potential presents for you, his wife of three years.

But then, he comes to a horrible realization— he has absolutely no idea what you could possibly even want.

He scours every crevice in his mind, replaying conversations with you in high-definition. What about that upscale winery she mentioned to me in passing that one time? That would be a nice dinner date!  He thinks to himself. No, it’s too late to make a reservation for tonight. The earliest I’ll probably be able to book a visit will be next month. Ruffling his wavy brown locks in frustration, he continues his mental search.

Lingerie? No, he bought you that for your anniversary last month. New shoes? Your front door already looks like a department store with how many heels and sneakers you have. Jewelry? There’s no way he would be able to go to the jewelers right now and make it back in time before you arrive at home.

Oikawa thinks he’s ran out of options until he remembers how warm your body felt pressed up against his earlier this morning, with the flesh of your ass indiscreetly rubbing against his morning wood. You had begged for him to stay home and skip practice to spend the day with you, insisting that you could call in a sick day at work. When he asked for the reasoning behind your forthright demeanor, you cryptically explained that it was “just a special day” that you wanted to enjoy with him. At the time, your words flew right over his head, but now Oikawa realizes that he’s no better than the other daft men who are terrible at reading women.

But this memory sparks an idea in Oikawa’s stressed out mind, and he shoots up out of his seat and turns over the entire apartment in search of silky red ribbon and sewing scissors.

…

The first thing that you notice when you come home from work is that all of the contents in your storage closet are splayed out on your dinner table. Figuring that it’s the work of your charming (yet sometimes idiotic) husband Tooru, you huff out a sigh and call out for him.

“Tooru?” After a few seconds of prolonged silence, you hear his saccharine voice echo from the hallway.

“In here, sweetheart!”

You follow the sound of rustling and shuffling, assuming that Oikawa is the culprit behind the rowdy noise. Turning the corner to the entrance of your bedroom, you expect to see your husband either moving furniture or folding laundry.

But what you didn’t expect to see is Oikawa’s naked body posed on top of a bed of rose petals, a beautiful bright red ribbon wrapped in a bow around his fully-erect dick.

Your eyes widen and your jaw goes slack. “Tooru, what the fuck is all this?” You half giggle, half scoff, your hands gesturing to the scene before you.

“It’s your gift, baby! Happy birthday!” He cheers, enthusiastically throwing his arms up into the air in triumph. “Do you like it?”

“I mean, yes, I-I guess,” you sputter out as a whirlwind of thoughts flies through your bewildered mind. “It’s very thoughtful, honey, but who’s gonna clean this mess up?”

“I will! Don’t you worry your pretty little head about a single thing.” Oikawa races to you in the doorway, grabbing your wrist and quickly dragging you to the edge of the bed. You both sit down, the mattress dipping with the added weight, and your fingers delicately run over his palm, tracing the outline of what feels like a Band-Aid.

“I accidentally scraped my hand on a thorn when I was picking petals from our rose bush outside,” he sheepishly admits, a cute rosy tint adorning his cheekbones in slight embarrassment. It’s adorable that despite being in his late-20s, he’s still as accident prone as he was when you first met him at 18. Lifting his hand to your lips, you press a soft kiss against his skin, and his shoulder muscles relax at the tenderness.

“Thank you, Tooru. This was very sweet of you,” you murmur with his balled-up fist pressed against your cheek. 

“Of course. Anything for you, darling,” he whispers, a small smile creeping up on his pink lips.

“Hmm,” you hum to yourself and smile back at him. Your eyes interlock for a brief moment, but then yours begin to wander down his slender neck to his chiseled abs. They come to a full stop at his crotch, drinking in his pretty cock that stands tall and proud against his stomach, resting only a centimeter below his belly button. The silky ribbon is tied in a perfectly-even bow around the base of his shaft, and the red color accentuates the reddish-purplish shade of his tip. Precum already leaks out of his sensitive slit— you assume that he had been pleasuring himself for quite some time before you returned home. And given that he’s still hard as a brick after not touching himself for a few minutes, you can only imagine how turned on he must be right now.

“So,” you murmur in a low, seductive voice. “Is this my gift?” You accentuate your words by swiping your thumb over his slit, spreading a dribble of his precum over his head and eliciting a shudder from your husband. You run your fingertips up and down his shaft, ghosting over his tan skin; you tug on one of the loose ends of the bow and undo it. The ribbon slides down his legs, landing crumpled into a ball on the floor. 

“Yes,” he breathes out after regaining some composure. “It is. You can do whatever you want with it.” He shoots his signature devilish smirk at you, but to his surprise, you’re unphased.

“I can do whatever I want with it?” You ask incredulously. “Nuh-uh, I don’t think so, baby.” Standing up from your seat, you begin removing your work clothes one-by-one, teasing Oikawa and making him lick his lips in anticipation. After a minute of slowly stripping, you stand before him completely nude, and your husband looks like he has stars in his eyes.

“You must be out of your mind if you think that I’m going to work for my birthday gift.”

He tilts his head at you in confusion, but you quickly explain what you mean by lying down on the center of the bed.

“If anything, I think that my gift should be pleasing me on my special day. Don’t you agree, Tooru?”

His smirk is plastered on his face once again, and he crawls his way over to you. “What?” He growls. “You want me to fuck you ‘til you can’t even think, princess?” His arms cage both sides of your legs, slowly creeping his way up your torso to be face to face with you. “Want me to make you cum and cream all over my cock, hm?” His muscular body is about halfway on top of yours when you place your foot firmly on his shoulder, effectively stopping him in his tracks.

“Mmm, yes, but maybe later,” you cheekily reply, pushing his face down to your bare cunt. “But first, why don’t you use that talented tongue of yours for something instead of running your mouth, huh?”

He chuckles. “You’re lucky it’s your birthday, brat,” is all he says before diving his head in between the plush of your thighs, the flat muscle licking a solid stripe up your wet folds. 

Oikawa wastes no time— his lips immediately latch onto your clit, suckling on the swollen bud while his tongue swipes the nub back and forth. A string of expletives gets caught in your throat when his movements pick up in pace, causing your needy hole to clench around nothing. Weaving your fingers into his brown locks, you pant and beg for more.

“Tooru,” you airily breathe out. “Want your fingers, please.”

He smirks against your pussy, and it’s clear that your desperation went into his ears and shot straight to his ego. On any other day, he’d want you to be a sobbing, drooling mess before he caved in to your pleas, but since today is your special day, he obliges your request. His fingertips collect some of your slick before three digits plunge into the fluttering walls of your cunt.

A shrill cry resounds off the walls of your bedroom. Your legs kick out, your body actively trying to run away from Oikawa’s hand, but his fingers dig into the flesh of your thighs and hold you in place. “You can take it,” he asserts, mumbling into your pussy. His deep brown eyes stare into yours hungrily. The pads of his digits massage the gummy spot on the topside of your walls, and the stimulation makes your vision go white. “Cum on my tongue, princess. Make me proud.”

His encouragement pushes you over the edge. Your walls clench around his fingers, nearly pushing them out entirely. Oikawa laps up the juices that ooze out of your cunt, letting the sweet taste of your orgasm dance on his taste buds. He lets you ride out your high until he feels your tense muscles begin to relax, and his lips detach from your oversensitive clit; quickly popping his digits into his mouth, he licks and cleans the appendages off.

“Well that was fast. I think we just set a new record, babe,” he teases, stroking his cock with saliva-coated fingers. “Why don’t we celebrate by painting your beautiful body with my cum, hm?”

Your fingers fervidly wrap around the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss, shutting him up. Your tongues clash, and your teeth nibble at his bottom lip, eliciting the prettiest and most pathetic whines from him. You pull away, chest heaving and out of breath.

“Just fucking do it already,” you pant.

Oikawa plants one more quick kiss on your lips before readjusting your bodies. His arms cage both sides of your head, and you wrap your legs around his slim waist; hand snaking in between your warm bodies, you run his tip up and down your folds to collect your slick and line his head up with your fluttering hole. He’s about to thrust into you, but before he can, you squeeze your legs and pull his body flush against yours, bottoming him out in one solid, swift motion.

“Fuck!” You both moan at the same time. Oikawa nestles his head into your neck, and his hot, shaky breath tickles the baby hairs on your skin. You feel his drool pooling on your collarbone, and you realize that his mouth is agape— he’s barely started but he’s already too pussydrunk to even keep his mouth closed.

“Already close, baby? I thought you wanted to fuck me ‘til I can’t even think,” you taunt him, but your mockery is soon cut off when he reels his hips back and sends them crashing forward into the back of your thighs.

Lewd squelching noises fill the room. Moans rumble from both of your chests, but none of what you’re saying is coherent— both of you already reduced down to babbling messes, too engrossed in pleasure to even form a single sentence. With every roll of his hips, Oikawa hits your sweet spot, sending waves of euphoric pleasure up and down your spine. His movements pick up in pace, becoming more frantic and sloppier, now deliciously kissing your cervix with each thrust; it causes your eyes to roll to the back of your head and your toes to curl.

Grabbing a fistful of his hair, you tug his head back and pull his face out of the nook in your neck. His lips crash against yours, muffling the sounds of his needy whimpers against your mouth. 

“Tooru, you feel so good, baby. I fucking love you,” you moan when one particular thrust sends your body jolting upwards on the bed.

“I love you more,” he whines. Sweat beads around his temples, and his fluffy brown hair sticks to his forehead. His body is hot to the touch, and his strokes become messier.  “Fuck, I’m close. Where do you want your gift, princess?”

“Inside,” you practically cry out. “Fill me up, please!”

“A-Are you sure?” He stutters, unsure if he heard you correctly.

Your next movements don’t give him any choice— your ankles interlock behind Oikawa’s back, trapping him in place as he spills his seed inside of your velvety walls. Feeling the immense warmth inside of you, your back arches off of the bed, your perked nipples brushing gently against his glistening, sweaty skin. He lets your pussy milk him dry before he pulls out, your legs still tightly tangled behind his back.

His softening cock plops onto your belly. “Babe, you know you could let go of me now, right?” He jokes, littering your face with fluttering kisses all over your face.

“I know,” you whisper dreamily. “Just wanna keep you close, that’s all.”

He chuckles, planting one last kiss on your forehead before rolling over and lying down beside you. You scooch your body so that your head lies on his chest, tracing heart shapes on his broad chest and tickling his skin.

“So, did your gift live up to your expectations?” He asks, cocking an eyebrow and lifting his head up to look down at you.

You giggle and look up at him. With a bright smile spread across your face, you respond, “It exceeded my expectations, Tooru.”

“Good, good,” he hums, throwing his head back onto the pillow. He shuts his eyes and, to his stupidity, he foolishly thinks out loud. “Can’t believe it worked! And to think that I planned this whole thing today!”

“What?”

His eyes shoot wide open and he looks down at you once again. Your brows are furrowed and you scrunch your nose at him. You consider hailing an onslaught of insults at him, but ultimately you decide against it.

“Even though you may have forgotten my birthday, I’ll let it slide. For a gift that you planned and executed in 12 hours, you really outdid yourself.” 

You laugh in your head. Twelve hours is a gracious estimation. The truth is that from the moment you stepped into the foyer of your home, you knew that he had forgotten about your birthday and was scrambling to find a present for you. And from the way that your house had looked like it was literally ransacked when you arrived, you could tell that he had only remembered an hour before you returned home.

You know his dirty little secret, but you figure that you’ll let it slide. His gift was pretty good, after all.

taglist: @sabyss @petalsrdead @miya-dynasty @ohtobiors @frenchtoastmafia @devilgirlcrybabiey @chaotic-fangirl-blog @semisgroupie @dessceased @sunat2508 @rueren @rinsie @portfolio-of-dreams @crystal-lilac @21-06-1996 @sweeneyblue1 +++ @lunaevangeline my resident oikawa simp hehe <3