#I think about this all of the time where did they get the zebra

[moldhoney]

there’s a safari themed restaurant in like a days inn hotel in thermopolis wyoming with real taxidermy animals it’s crazy I highly recommend this experience and there’s also good hot springs there I guess

[housecow]

i have a lot of cute ideas

my feeder travels a lot—he’s lucky enough to have a job that can take him all over the world. his cow, however, cannot really follow.

i outgrew a regular plane seat sometime after 300lbs. we discovered that after a particularly fruitful trip to spain; although eating our way through each city racked up a lot of steps, the funnel sessions and late night snacking really did me in. neither of us were really surprised that my hips just didn’t quite fit. rather, i could tell it was all he could think about the entire way back. his hand on my soft thigh, slightly clenched and almost possessive… the way his eyes flickered to mine and there was this look.

our trips together became rarer but neither of us minded. as i’d grown, a lot of what we used to do together faded. i couldn’t keep up on the hikes, biking was out of the question, and even the long walks we enjoyed wound up split by breaks so i could catch my breath.

throughout it all, however, my feeder just grew more enthusiastic. he’d tell me he was so proud after we made it back to the hotel each night. his hands would massage my softened shoulders, he’d hold the shake to my lips, and he’d coo into my ear, “it’s okay, i won’t make you do this again,” “there’s a buffet tomorrow morning,” or, “you can really feel how fat we’ve made you now, right?”

i’d melt with whatever he said and he’d fill me up, every way i needed. funnels and shakes, expansive platters of pastries… him inside me, i’m so full and he’s telling me how good i’m doing for him, my belly touching the bed while he’s breeding me…

neither of us minded when we had to do things separately. he’d be off on a trip, sending me photos of the views and the food (“wish i could be feeding you these!”), and i’d return the gesture. belly pics, selfies of my fatass planted on the couch working on the last bit of the gallon of ice cream that was supposed to last the week, meal ideas and articles and excitement about all he’s getting to experience.

the best part, however, is when he’d get back. over the longer trips i’d have settled in a bit too much. nothing was overly dirty, of course, but the fridge was overstocked with takeout. i’d finished almost everything and move on to whatever was next, absentmindedly leaving behind remnants of everything i’d made my way through. the trash would be full of boxes and candy wrappers, vegetable skins and soda cans, too. and he'd be able to see what it all did to me.

i was bigger every time he came back. it wasn’t too obvious, maybe just a pound or two, but it was enough to excite him. he’d admire the way i had to focus and gather momentum to heave myself out of the car, how my belly hang hit my thighs just enough to make a sound when i tried to move quickly, and how he could always count on me to gorge myself while i missed him.

he never made a comment though. but every time before he left the pantry would be replenished—zebra cakes, brownies, chips, pasta, sauce, boxed mac n cheese, everything he could think of would be left there for me.

he once said, “i won’t let a moment pass where you can’t reach for something to eat,” and it was true. a candy bowl mysteriously appeared on the coffee table one day, each time i reached the bottom it’d be refilled. the mini fridge side table was “cute and functional,” he reasoned, as he showed me where the sodas and premade shakes were going. i’d thank him, a soft kiss and several grateful expressions, before admitting that i was relieved at having one less trip to the kitchen now when i was settled in.

and he’d just smile. enabling a cow like me is easy, he just has to set the food out. i know what to do.

[notmorbid]

the god of the woods.

dialogue prompts from the god of the woods by liz moore.

time is a human construct.

are you hungover?

did you go out last night? this is important.

just stay here. don't come out for a while.

when lost, sit down and yell.

there's always a part of you that hopes this time will be different.

you want to talk about it?

did someone say something to you?

those old stories have been around a long time. doesn't mean they're true.

what's your type?

you were supposed to be in charge.

sure. okay. whatever you say.

you ought to mess around a little before you get married.

the woods can be dangerous, but they're also generous.

are you interviewing me?

you're really shy, aren't you?

i bet you've got secrets.

you smell like the woods.

have you been to these mountains before?

i thought being here would help me feel closer to ____.

i hope you're getting what you want from this life.

it's alright not to do everything that's expected from you.

you're smarter than anyone gives you credit for.

i'd be more worried if you were fine.

you can have this, if you want. i'm done with it.

you're not scared, are you?

kissing someone you want to kiss is like living inside the best song you've ever heard.

rich people usually become most enraged when they think they're about to be held accountable for their wrongs.

nothing you do surprises me anymore.

you married or anything? got kids?

you were a nice kid when i knew you.

i'd prefer not to give my name, if that's alright.

the land here is beautiful, but the people are terrible.

i'd recognize your voice anywhere.

why do you look like that?

you're a good soul.

when you hear hoofbeats, don't expect zebras.

i got in trouble. i need help.

what's your name? you know mine.

you're like every other ___ i've ever met.

the party will go on without me.

i hope you die.

want me to kill him?

where do you want to be, ten years from now?

alright, i'll talk. but this is off the record.

will you stay up a little longer? i've still got a full glass.

i know you can feel it, too.

my mother would be so ashamed of me.

here, i brought you groceries.

don't ever lie to me. i'm on your side.

how long have you been smoking?

you're on your own. good luck.

pretend i'm invisible.

don't look at me. i'm invisible. i'm not here.

what did you want to show me?

the truth is, i can't tell you the truth.

don't cry. please. i'm sorry.

why did you do it?

i do bad things sometimes. i have that problem. i think 'what would be the worst thing i could do in this moment?' and then, i do it.

is that why you're here? to get away from _____?

what about your mother? what's she like?

do you have a phone?

relax. it's happy hour.

i want to help you get out of this mess you're in.

if i'd had a parent like you, i might have made something more of myself.

i hate slow songs.

are you any good with kids?

i know what people say about me. maybe they've even said it to you.

my turn. truth or dare?

would you trust someone like me?

you must be very proud.

i know what they're trying to do to you.

why do you care what happens to me?

my instincts are all wrong. they always have been.

you want to mess around a little?

i don't know why, but i have the feeling you're not telling me the whole truth.

put on a shirt. a real shirt.

time moves differently here.

you're always exactly yourself.

you're the only family i have left.

have you ever heard of _____ music?

i saw your name in the paper.

i remember everything you taught me.

do you want me to leave you alone?

[the-bus-called-graveyard-8]

Madagascar in Nickelodeon Magazine (part 1 of 4)

Madagascar was first featured in Nick Mag in the June/July 2005 issue, shortly after the film's May 2005 release.

Here we have the cover of the magazine, featuring Alex, Gloria and the Penguins

Next we have an ad for the tie-in video game

Finally we have a two-page spread featuring an interview with the main cast. Full transcription of the interview under the read more!

We talked to the stars of the new animated movie Madagascar. The film is about some animals from New York City's Central Park Zoo who suddenly find themselves stranded in the wilds of Madagascar, an island of the coast of southern Africa.

On-screen best friends and real-life pals Ben Stiller (near right, who plays Alex the lion) and Chris Rock (far right, who plays Marty the zebra) talked to us about their characters.

Nickelodeon Magazine: What is your character like? Ben Stiller: Alex is sort of the king of the Central Park Zoo. He enjoys being the main attraction and would be happy for things to always stay the same. Chris Rock: Marty is the adventurer of the group. He's not content in the zoo. He's the guy who asks, "What more could we be doing with ourselves?"

Nick Mag: Are you at all like your character? Ben: A little bit. [Like Alex,] I'm a New Yorker and a creature of habit. I like the comforts of home. And Alex is sort of an actor. He's a performer who has the self-delusional, self-involved thing that I think every actor can identify with. Chris: [Like Marty,] I always wanted to get away from where I grew up.

Nick Mag: What was the hardest thing about recording your lines? Ben: The time frame was crazy. It was like, "Wow, we're still doing this? They were serious about [this taking] four years?" At one point, I felt like all I ever said was "Marty!" Literally, for years. Chris: "Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?" How many times did I say that?

Nick Mag: Do you ever feel caged up, like you're in a zoo? Ben: Sometimes, when you're not happy on a movie set, it can be like that. Chris: Yeah, movies can be like that. Ben: I remember doing a movie once where, on the first day of rehearsals, I realized, "Uh-oh, this is not good." And I had four months to go.

Nick Mag: Did you do research for your role? Ben: I ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes because of Tony the Tiger, and then I realized I was playing a lion and that I was really off.

Nick Mag: Favorite movie snack? Ben: I'm a big M&M's guy—peanut or plain. Chris: Popcorn and Raisinettes, but I wish they served banana cream pie!

We got the skinny on Jada Pinkett Smith's big character, Gloria the hippo.

Nickelodeon Magazine: What is your character like? Jada Pinkett Smith: She's like the mother of the gang. She wants to make sure that everybody is happy and taken care of.

Nick Mag: Are you anything like her? Jada: I have a real loyalty to my friends, just like Gloria does.

Nick Mag: Was the recording process hard? Jada: It was pretty challenging. You have to be really patient. You don't have the other actors there, there are no props, and you don't know what the scene looks like. It's just you and some paper with words on it.

Nick Mag: Do you have any pets? Jada: I have three dogs and a cat. And I'm about to get three more dogs!

Nick Mag: Do you like the outdoors? Jada: You have to be very cautious, but I love the wild. My intention for the next couple of years is to do more camping and go whitewater rafting in the Grand Canyon.

Nick Mag: Are you freaked out by nature at all? Jada: Not at all. Insects are the only things that kind of freak me out, but I can get used to them.

Nick Mag: Favorite movie snack? Jada: I usually do a mixture of popcorn and Goobers. Now I want some!

David Schwimmer talked to us about his character, Melman the giraffe.

Nickelodeon Magazine: What is your character like? David Schwimmer: Melman is a hypochondriac. he's afraid of almost everything and needs a lot of attention.

Nick Mag: Are you at all like him? David: I'm the opposite. My character couldn't be happier having bars around him so that nothing can get in. Personally, I'd go crazy. I'm low maintenance. I like not having a routine. Also [unlike Melman], I have to be forced to go to the doctor.

Nick Mag: What other kind of animal would you like to play? David: A black panther. There's something powerful and mysterious about it. It's got those green eyes and the sleek black coat. It would also be fun to be a water creature, like a dolphin. [Zelda the roving reporter: You're already a good Schwimmer.]

Nick Mag: Do you ever feel like you're in a zoo? David: I waited tables for seven years at restaurants where I felt like that. I also had a crummy job working in a tiny room in the business center of a hotel in Chicago in a suit and tie from six AM to six PM.

Nick Mag: Do you have any pets? David: I don't. I travel too much. But I had many animals growing up—dogs, a lizard, turtles. I love turtles. Their only protection is hiding—I love that about turtles.

Nick Mag: Favorite movie snack? David: There's no substitute for good, fresh popcorn.

[mikalame]

I was wondering if you could do a bill kaulitz dating hc with a mcbling reader,thanks :3

Bill dating Mcbling reader hope you like these hc i personally LOVE mcbling style.

Request are open

taglist:@oppopotamus@violentnewmarley@saumspam@adissonsss

. The first thing he probably noticed was the florescent pink that you always wear along with your sparkly necklaces and earrings that shine bright with the lights of the club your two met in.

. other thing he saw was the orange tan your have ( gotta keep it true to the culture) did think it was tacky but everything back then was.

. Once you two finally started dating the places you two would go for dates would be the mall where you two could shop and look at all the clothes and make up you could

.if he sees some thing in a store that you would like he would call you and even if you wont want them right now he KNOWS that you would want them in the future but things like jeans and top he would get right away.

.loves looking at you while you do your makeup he thinks there is something just so raw about the way to slap on the orange foundation and line your eyes so roughly that its kinda scary.

if you have like a little dog and you put cute little bows and outfits bill would be buying all the cute little dog outfits he sees like bees, flowers you name it he has it.

shopping with the two of you would be absolute madness as both of you have so many bags and your running around the mall quickly turning when you see some thing bill or you would like

On the days where you are just chilling at home is probably one of the times bill sees all the beauty you have cause your bare faced and just enjoying being around him and that gives bill and nice warm fuzzy feeling.

Ive got to say it but with all the tight jeans/ top you wear bill has a bit of a habit just to stare at them and if you pull down your crop top and show of the tops of your bra hes dead, hes pulling your shirt p to try and cover them as he dont want no one looking at whats his.

he does love going bra shopping with you hes holding all the leopard/ zebra print you can find in that store then holding the next lot from the other store you do try ad pay but bill just so existed to see you wear them that he just moves you out the way

when you get new jewellery for your piercings like playboy bunny ect you always get him a matching one so if you have your tongue done he'll have a matching tongue jewellery with you.

you two are constantly at the pools or beach as you want a tan and bill just follows you like a little puppy dog. when you start to sun bathe he remembers that you didnt pull and sunscreen on and gets so upset even if you lie to him and say you did

he is SLATHERING you in that sunscreen and ignores you protests just muttering things like 'you will thank me when your in your 60's' talking about how its gonna save your life.

if you two go to some event and you still wanna have your style you will be anything leopard print like jacket or scarf you heels anything bill will make it happen

You two have nights wear you wear each others styles and go full out like hair is done so you have spikes and bills got that fringe comb-over makeup is on point you look like you slap black eyeliner on your eyes and bill looks like a dico-ball and outfit are so great and you to are decked in the most accessory ever

[bbrissonn]

𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐮 - 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐫 𝐳𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐬 (𝟔)

╰┈➤ a week after her album released, lanny has a special surprise for her fans

╰┈➤ pairing: trevor zegras x ex!singer!girlfriend

╰┈➤ social media + real life

╰┈➤ disclaimer: i made a shitty ass graphic for the special surprise, ik it's ass, but it's the best it's gonna get so no judging pls

╰┈➤ masterlist

༊*·˚

-OCTOBER 20TH, 2023-

༊*·˚

: ̗̀➛ alannaoregon has posted on instagram

alannaoregon

liked by jackhughes and 1.9M others

alannaoregon i guess i suck at keeping things a secret cause like all of twitter knew... BUT IM GOING ON TOUR LOVES !!!

i seriously cannot put into words how thankful for all the love and support you've shown my album in the last week, and just to me in general for the past four years.

all the sweet words and messages truly mean everything to me. some of you are a little crazy if i say so on tiktok, BUT I LOVE IT !!!

anyways, i can't wait to spend my nights yelling with all of you and interact with you !!!

love, lanny 🩵

view all 16,926 comments

becky.rivera can't wait to travel the world with you girl

alannaoregon @/becky.rivera who said you're coming? becky.rivera @/alannaoregon GIRL alannaoregon @/becky.rivera we're finally gonna go visit that one mamma mia spot becky.rivera @/alannaoregon SHUT UP IM SO EXCITED

_alexturcotte ok miss worldwide

colecaufield dont forget about us lan

alannaoregon @/colecaufield never coley

user72 girl six shows in the uk, but none in france??

user829 @/user72 no seriously, there's only one in italy !! alannaoregon @/user829 i can promise you that more dates are to come in the near future. this is only the first part of my first tour, and it certainly won't be my last :)

jackhughes can i get free tickets pls

alannaoregon @/jackhughes clean my room for the next five summers and i'll think about it jackhughes @/alannaoregon I'LL DO ANYTHING PLS IM BROKE trevorzegras @/jackhughes sure ya are bud, you got the biggest contract of all of us alannaoregon @/jackhughes YAH WHAT ZEBRA SAID, PAY FOR IT MISTER IT GIVES ME MONEY

user6290 OMG MOTHER AND FATHER INTERECTING IN THE COMMENTS

user0247 @/user6290 SO GLAD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW IT

jamie.drysdale ur putting me in a though spot rn lanny

alannaoregon @/jamie.drysdale WHAT DID I DO??? jamie.drysdale @/alannaoregon HOW DO I DECIDE WHICH SHOW TO GO TO??? alannaoregon @/jamie.drysdale why pick when you can go to both jamie.drysdale @/alannaoregon and third wheel during the summer too?!?! im staying in toronto thanks alannaoregon @/jamie.drysdale fake fan user278 @/jamie.drysdale THIRD WHEEL IN ANAHEIM???

user9291 lanny please don't make these tickets cost me a liver

load more...

༊*·˚

-REAL LIFE, ANAHEIM-

༊*·˚

"I'm so proud of you, Lana." Trevor whispered as his thumb rubbed the same patch of skin bellow the girl's eye. Her eyes were looking at him like he had hung the moon, while he stared at her with such admiration in his eyes.

"'M proud of you, too, Trevs." She answered, her voice low, making the boy chuckle slightly.

"Don't make this about you, love. You're going on a world tour." He breathed out, his voice filled with disbelief.

"Oh, now you don't wanna talk about you, huh?" She teased him. Trev let out a dry chuckle before bringing the girl close to his chest. The two were currently laying in Trevor's bed in hid new house. The boy finally decided he didn't need a roommate, meaning the two could now have alone time whenever they wanted. Well, Trevor likes to put it that way, but they both know it's because none of his teammate wanted to live with him anymore.

"This wouldn't be happening without you, T." She whispered against his chest, making the boy tense up slightly.

"In a bad way, or in a good way?"

"Good way. If I had never met you, I wouldn't have released my first album, and my career probably wouldn't be where it is right now. You're the best thing that's ever been mine." She whispered.

"You did not just quote Taylor Swift-"

"I did!" The girl giggled. Her boyfriend rolled his eyes before lifting her head and pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "Say it back."

"You are the most wonderful and amazing thing that's ever been mine, sweetheart." The Ducks player mumbled before pressing a hard kiss to his girlfriend's lips. The singer couldn't help but smile at his words.

This was the happiest she had been in a long time, and nothing was going to ruin it.

༊*·˚

taglist <3 @lxnceclercs @aliaology

[kay-lalala]

What I hope to see in PJO TV Episode 6

I’m guessing the episode is gonna cover the chapters “We Take a Zebra to Vegas” and “We Shop for Water Beds". So I made a list of things that are in the book/story beats and could be included. Hoping for more book accuracy this time tbh.

The animal transport

-The zebra, the albino lion and the antelope. I saw an ostrich I think in the trailer so maybe that’s an addition but I don’t know why they would change the original animals

-The animals having the wrong food and the trio changing that, taking care of them, giving them water, cutting off the balloon etc

-Grover getting angry about that and maybe even trying to leave to start a fight with the drivers. Did they mention he’s a vegetarian yet?

-Grover talking to the animals (I’m still hoping for goat noises)

-Since the spiders were cut out of the waterpark scene maybe it will come up some other way? Since Percy uses it to help Annabeth snap out of the Lotus Casino trance. + the Athena/Arachne story

-”We’re a team, remember?” (even though I wished they would have shown that teamwork of the trio in the waterpark)

-Annabeth and Percy sharing an Oreo

-I guess they will not talk about Thalia and Grover because Percy already knows and they cut out the Iris message scene where Luke mentions it. So I wonder if they will talk about something else. Maybe more Annabeth backstory/her family. Maybe Annabeth and Percy uplifting Grover.

-Since they cut the Poseidon/Athena rivalry discussion I guess there will be no ‘I don’t know what my mom will do. I just know I’ll fight next to you.” “Why?” “Because you’re my friend, Seaweed Brain. Any more stupid questions?” Maybe there will be a similar scene

-Percy dreaming about Thalia and Luke and Kronos and his mother in front of Hades’ throne

-The drivers taunting the animals and Grover getting mad about it

-Annabeth tricking them into fighting by knocking on the wall

-The zebra talking to Percy (and him figuring out that it’s because Poseidon created horses)

-Grover blessing the animals + the “Why can’t you place a blessing like that on us?” “It only works on wild animals.” “So it would only affect Percy.”

-Percy freeing the animals

The Lotus Casino

-Epic games and water slides and bungee jumping and stuff like that

-Percy throwing Ares’ backpack in the trash and it later returning to him

-The kids enjoying the room, getting new clothes etc

-Percy teasing Annabeth for watching National Geographic

-Grover playing the reverse hunter game

-Annabeth playing trivia games and a city builder sim

-People that look like they are from all kinds of different time periods

-Groovy Darrin

-Percy getting suspicious and asking everyone what year it is

-Percy realizing and being scared that he forgot his mom’s name for a second

-Percy helping Annabeth snap out of it (not with spiders probably, so with something else?)

-Sudden weather change when they leave, stormy, checking the date to realize there is only one day left

-Apparently they go there on purpose because Hermes is there? I’m just hoping that they will for once actually fall for a trap and not just avoid everything because Annabeth is *~too smart~*.

The Santa Monica Beach + The Waterbed Palace

-Annabeth has the idea to use the casino cards for a cab

-The cab driver calls Annabeth “Your Highness” after seeing the infinite money

-Percy tells the trio about his dream and they start to realize something’s wrong because they were talking about two items, but they settle for “It has to be Hades” for now

-”You have evil thoughts for a goat.” “Why, thank you.”

-Percy walking into the sea in Santa Monica and letting a shark take him further to the edge of a huge chasm (could look super cool)

-The nereid riding on a sea horse

-Percy having flashbacks to seeing faces in the sea when he was a kid because she said they were watching him

-The nereid telling Percy to not judge his father and that they are not allowed to show favoritism

-She giving him the three pearls and explaining how they work

-”You have gifts you have only begun to know. The oracles have foretold a great and terrible future for you, should you survive to manhood.”

-”What belongs to the sea will always return to the sea.”

-In the Mississippi she said “don’t trust the gifts” so maybe she will say it now? Referencing Luke’s shoes and hinting again at his betrayal.

-Annabeth “No gift comes without a price.”

-Someone on the street recognizing Percy from TV

-I guess they already showed Gabe so they won’t see him on the News again? Though I think the young woman sitting next to him would make him more despicable because he replaced Sally immediately

-A gang of kids surrounding the trio and Percy scaring them off with Riptide

-While running from them going into Crusty’s waterbed palace

-God I hope they don’t cut it

-Crusty looking kinda reptilian

-Grover and Annabeth getting trapped on the waterbeds getting streched to be 6 feet tall

-Percy remembering the story of Procrustes and tricking him into laying down on a bed and killing him

-The trio finding the address to DOA records

[devilsrecreation]

Incorrect quotes-TLG ship edition

Erevu: *looking around the Outlands* This place keeps getting dryer and dryer every time I visit it. I don’t even know why I keep coming back….

Tamka: *trying to stick his tongue out* Dohh, why ain’t my tongue longer? Come on…just a lil more! Almost got it!

Erevu:

Erevu: Well I can’t not mate with him

Chungu: Oh hey, you look cute today!

Aibu: *flustered noises*

Chungu: Your eyes are sparkling

Aibu: *more flustered noises*

Chungu: Did you do somethin with your fur? It looks good!

Aibu: MMMMMM

Chungu: I’m getting zebra, you wanna come with me?

Aibu: H-hey…your fur looks….extra soft today

Chungu: Hey, thanks! :D

Aibu: *a flustered mess*

Reirei: The fact that you forgot something so elementary is just laughable at best! I mean, it’s almost like you didn’t know what you were doing—oh wait, perhaps maybe you didn’t! Everyone was thinking it, I just had the guts to say it. Isn’t that right, Goigoi?

Goigoi: *balancing a stick on his snout* Reirei, look! I can almost balance this stick on my snout!

Reirei: Yes, great job, dear. Try to find the balance point

Goigoi: Balance point, got it.

Reirei: Now, as someone who has memorized the entirety of this plan, I can say with no doubt that—

Goigoi: Balance point is where there is no gravity, right?

Reirei: ...Yes, show gravity who’s boss, baby

Goigoi: Look out, gravity! I’m gonna get you!

Nduli: Excuse me, have you met my mate AKA the most wonderful crocodile in my life?

Kuamua: 🥰🥰🥰

Nduli: She takes my breath away every single time I see her—see? There it is again! There I go! Gah, my lungs!

Kuamua: Baby, my face is on fire at this point

Nduli: Lemme tell you, she’s one of a kind! I love her so much. You hear that, baby? You’re one in 7 billion!

Kuamua: *swoons*

Maji: That was so hot, Kenge.

Kenge: I literally called the animal who just flirted with you a degenterate worm and told them I hope they get dragged through the ground.

Maji: I'm so in love with you.

Ucheshi: Makuu and I are no longer dating

Makuu: Ucheshi, I love you, but that is the worst way to tell everyone we’re mates

Nne: Wow, they really hate us.

Tano: Yeah, perhaps they’re homophobic.

Nne: But we’re not gay, Tano.

Tano:

Nne:

Tano: We’re not?

Ucheshi: I was pretty sure you’d sleep in and forget to meet me this morning

Makuu: I wouldn’t have forgotten if I was sleeping with you

Ucheshi: But look at this-jesus-but look at this view!

Nne: What an amazing dream! Madoa and I were making out, giggling and kissing like a couple of kids. But I can’t remember how it ended…

Tano: *reveals a spot on his neck where Nne licked him*

Nne: …Did you have that before?!

Tano: No

Nne: Why didn’t you wake me?!

Tano: I thought you were awake

Hodari: Oh, I’m so crazy about you, I can’t see straight!

Kinyonga: I’m so goofy about you, I can’t eat!

Hodari: I’m so much in love with you, I can’t sleep!

Kinyonga: What should we do?

Makuu: Go see a healer.

Human au?

Jasiri: Shupavu, Njano? Why are you wearing each other’s clothes?

Njano: (opens mouth to say something)

Shupavu: Ah ah ah ah...if it happens outside of work, we don’t owe them an explanation

Njano: Oh...

Janja: I have very high standards

Jasiri: *breathes*

Janja: Oh no, she meets all of my standards

Makuu: I want my potential mate to be a brave, strong, intelligent, independent warrior

Ucheshi: *having a fun splashing match with Mzaha, Furaha, and Chama, laughing*

Makuu: ….That one. I want that one.

Nguvu: Oh hey! Cheezi, right? Chungu’s told me so much about you!

Cheezi, blushing: I’M SORRY, I DON’T SPEAK ANIMAL *runs away*

Nguvu: What a weird dude….I’m gonna marry that weird dude

Kiburi: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Ushari!

Ushari: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.

Hukumu: It’s so beautiful out tonight~

Kiburi: Yeah, it’s just you, me, and the moon

Njano: HEY! YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!

Hukumu: The stars are so beautiful...

Kiburi: They're just giant balls of gas.

Hukumu: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-

Kiburi: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.

Hukumu: Oh..

Reirei/Aibu/Erevu: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight.

Goigoi/Chungu/Tamka: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?

Reirei/Aibu/Erevu, crushing all over again: God, you’re so fucking stupid~

Pirate AU:

Kiburi: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.

Ushari: Aren't you forgetting something?

Kiburi: Right...*kisses Ushari before running out.*

Ushari: No, pay your bill! Get back here!

Binga: There's no way he likes me back.

Kion: Bunga would throw himself in front of a stampede for you.

Fuli: Bunga would throw himself in front of a stampede for fun.

(This also works with the baobabfruit ot3)

[coppercrow]

Hellish Cuisine: aka where did Alastor get that deer?

So in episode 3 of Hazbin Hotel, we see Alastor eating a very normal looking (albeit possibly slightly rotted) deer:

The deer looks precisely like one you'd find on Earth, which is very odd because from what we've seen in both Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss have looked quite different from Earth animals - they normally have spines/extra eyes/other strange features, an unusual colouring.

For example you have the Hell Hog from Western Energy:

The Hell Hog looks very similar to a normal pig, but it has distinctly hellish features (much like Fat Nuggets, who seems to possibly be some sort of dwarf hell pig).

We also have Hell Horses and Hell Sharks:

We also see that the food the cirizens of Hell are actively eating is a bit good, which is evidenced when you see inside Fizz and Ozzie's fridge - the eggs have a Hellish chicken on the package and the cooked eggs are pink:

The flora of Hell is also heavy of the eyes and spines:

In short, basically everything in Hell seems to have more eyes, teeth and spines than anything you can find on Earth.

The only time we see relatively normal food is in Stolas' fridge, in which he has a zebra steak and rats in a plastic baggie, both of which look relatively normal:

There are two very important things about Stolas in this context: he's rich, and he has ways to reach Earth. I theorize that the reason Stolas has food that doesn't look Hellish is because he has the money and means to import Earth food to Hell.

Which brings me back to Alastor and his deer. Where did he get it? I can think of a few options, all of which amuse me:

There are actually normal deer in the Pride Ring, and Alastor went and hunted one for himself for breakfast;

Alastor's dimension bending swamp room somehow generates deer that he can eat (if so, is it actually food or just a construct)??

Alastor is either paying someone a huge amount of money (or scaring/blackmailing them) to get him fresh deer from Earth so he can eat venison.

Honestly all these options amuse me, but I'm particularly fond of the idea of Alastor having some sort of black market connection who is souring him genuine Earth creatures to eat.

It also makes me wonder about cooking in general in Hell - how much do these strange Hell creatures taste like their counterparts on Earth? How long did Alastor spend experimenting with these new Hellish ingredients until he could make Jambalaya just like his mother used to make?

[mazzystar24]

I've been thinkin bout that bt scene. Obviously I might be totally wrong but idk, I feel like T kinda muttered "god I hope so" into his wine glass & not directly at Buck & he was being maybe kinda insecure, like in his head maybe since we assume he's older & more experienced he might think that's why Buck is sticking around?

Like idk, it's a call back somehow to the first date and the closet comment? Like T wants this to work out because he thinks Buck is adorable but you know they aren't really clicking so ya know whatever works? (But eventually it will fully break down)

And the way Buck said "but you think I do?" about the daddy issues is like Buck goin "....wait what?" in his head because his head does tilt a bit to the side like 🤔🤔🤔 And it's showing that they don't fit.

That it was intentionally weird & off putting.

Tho I do think the bit where T says "but your father is alive" wasn't meant to be snarky. Buck then says "Exactly" which I took as Buck being all "exactly, my dad's just THAT shitty and he's not going to change."

Off course then the speech Buck gave Chris is a bit eh, but like two things can be true at the same time. XD

Also I'm def not a bt shipper, Buddie all the way but yeah that's just how it came off to me. Lol.

I hope this makes sense.

I have been swamped with exams and neglected my inbox so 💐💐💐💐💐

Eh I feel like it was definitely more flirty than insecure like I’m tempted to add the gifsets for reference but I don’t want it to show up in the gif makers’ notifications but yeah like as he’s saying it it’s 100% like suggestive vibes rather than self deprecating making a joke about an actual insecurity vibe

Like I think for me this is definitely a horses not zebras moment

I do keep think that maybe the like off putting moments are intentional because so many weird choices have been made with BT

For the your dad is alive I think I wasn’t super clear on my opinion on it but like I don’t mean he said it to be snarky per say more so that the implications behind that line are things like “you’d feel differently if he wasn’t” or “you can fix things before he does” or as if that’s something to be thankful for or recognise when talking about his pseudo father nearly dying

Like the reason I hate this line isn’t that it necessarily has to be cruel intentions on Tommys part but rather that this sorta narrative gets forced down traumatised peoples throats CONSTANTLY (sometimes with good intentions) and it’s such a bullshit rhetoric and it’s even more bullshit to use that line while talking about this found family/pseudo father he has nearly dying

Also yeah that’s definitely what that “exactly” was meant to be like yup a dead dad would at least be less traumatising, a lot easier to explain, and probably easier on my therapist than this clusterfuck but alas

BUCKS SPEECH TO CHRIS- okay lots of thoughts on this because my mom got confused and picked thought daughter:

Do I love that the writers low-key made it sound like he’s comparing Eddie to the Buckley parents? no I hate it but KR was writing for this ep so what did we expect

Do I think a marginally better way to interpret it is that it was more so continuing that theme of paralleling buck and Chris’ issues? Yes

Are the basic and I mean like the very abstract very simple and nothing further parallels there? Yeah like parent not over their grief causes conflict between parent and child

Other than that no not at all Eddie never involved Chris in this, Kim came over with her Shannon cosplay without telling him, Eddie also never intentionally emotionally harmed Chris while the Buckley parents spent bucks entire life intentionally being the absolute worst™️ and emotionally neglectful and were shit parents to Maddie too by forcing her to pretend her brother didn’t exist while she was a child and mourning said brother

But I also think it’s actually very in character for buck to continue to sympathise with them and cut them an impossible amount of slack by trying to draw parallels to this situation like it’s less trying to paint Eddie more like them and more so using Eddie (someone he cares about and loves and sympathises with deeply) as a frame of reference to mentally try to humanise and sympathise with his own parents - idk if I’m making sense but in my head it makes sense

Like it’s actually a pretty common thing you see with traumatised people they’ll sorta draw parallels that aren’t there between themselves or the people they care about and the people who traumatised them because a lot of traumatised people will just constantly seek to understand that perspective more and sympathise with it like hell I’ve seen it with the people in my life doing it and it’s like woah those situations are very different I need you to recognise that

Loved hearing your view of it and it totally made sense!!!

Gonna see if there are any quick asks I can answer before I get back to my revision cos I definitely yapped more than I expected for this

[timeagainreviews]

The Twist of a Stiletto

Back in the ‘90s there was a very famous TV show. 120 Minutes, don’t act like you don’t know. But for those of you not in the know, “120 Minutes,” was a show on MTV hosted by Matt Pinfield. There were other hosts, but Matt was my guy. Being a showcase of music videos from artists MTV wouldn’t dare play during the day, it was relegated to a late Sunday evening timeslot. Growing up, I never really had a personal relationship with music. It was the stuff in the background of movies. My dad would play CDs of his faves. Kansas, Jethro Tull, Chicago, Led Zepplin, The Beatles. Music could be fun or cool, but I could take it or leave it. That is until April 14, 1996, when 120 Minutes aired Rage Against the Machine’s “Bulls on Parade,” and my 12-year-old brain erupted. A fire was lit inside me that day and Zach de la Rocha was more than happy to pour gasoline on it. I was suddenly, without any kind of warning, in love with music.

The spontaneous combustion of music hits us all differently, but I’m sure my story made you remember yours. How could it not? Music is a part of our lives. We wrap our memories in song. As such, some songs become painful. We then lock those songs in our past where they can’t hurt us, but a passing car with its windows down can bring us back. Music is personal. “The Devil’s Chord,” is a story about our relationship with music. How we hold music inside and when we let it out. It is a celebration of song as well as a lament. While the episode often achieves harmony, it also falls a bit flat. Are you picking up on a theme? Is this striking a chord with you? Ok I’ll stop. Probably.

I’ll get the obvious out of the way first. “The Devil’s Chord,” is precariously close to “The Giggle,” plot-wise. The TARDIS lands. The Doctor finds the world behaving oddly. He discovers it’s all to do with a magical gay American who chews scenery for breakfast. The American sends the Doctor through a themed gauntlet of insanity. The Doctor banishes the American using their own tricks against them. The American disappears with a warning about the next guy. Bish bash bosh. I’m getting that all out of the way ahead of time, because that would be a really boring article to read. But I will say this- if this is the Pantheon’s only gambit, I’ll be disappointed.

Ruby’s explanation of how she discovered the Beatles through her mum’s girlfriend’s vinyl collection was charming and didn’t make me feel old at all. Not to be all “kids these days only care about Tik Tok and Roblox,” but I was fairly certain most young people hate the Beatles. That is, if my Facebook feed is anything to go by. It really shows you just how on the pulse Russell T Davies is these days. Hello fellow kids. Have some trans inclusion while I court problematic people on social media. Kids like Deftones, Russell. Do a Deftones episode. Have the Doctor fight robot pigs with Chico Moreno. (Man, nü metal is having a moment in this article.) My point being, it’s weird to choose The Beatles now.

I harp on a lot about how metatextual Doctor Who can be and how it’s the secret of its longevity. They need to replace their actor? Regeneration. They need to get the Doctor into a building? Psychic paper. But I think I’ve found the exception that proves the rule. Russell T Davies said in an interview “...The Beatles music is so expensive. Even on a Disney budget, we couldn’t afford that…And so I thought imagine you’re visiting The Beatles, and you couldn’t have The Beatles music. What would you do? And that’s the story. It kind of created itself”. In true Doctor Who fashion, Russell T Davies saw a limitation and folded it into the narrative. It’s a shame then, that it doesn’t work at all.

It started with their shots of Abbey Road and EMI Studios. The zebra crossing at Abbey Road isn’t that wide. I’ve been there. And since when did EMI Studios have a red brick entrance? Where are its classic Georgian-style box frame windows? It’s one of the most visited tourist spots in London, and you’re not going to actually go there? You can’t get the music. Ok. That’s sort of understandable. But they couldn’t film on location? What exactly is the Disney budget doing here? Remember when they flew the whole TARDIS crew to Utah? And then the next season to New York City? They managed to shoo tourists and locals away from Umpire Rock. You mean to tell me they couldn’t hold back traffic on Abbey Road for a few hours? Hell, just composite it. Shoot it on a soundstage. You don’t have to go “Angels Take Manhattan,” when you could go “Daleks Take Manhattan.”

This may seem like a weird gripe from a person who said it would be boring to complain about how two episodes are similar, but it is the crux of the matter. Why use The Beatles in an episode about The Beatles if you do nothing with them? Why highlight edifice in a story about being vulnerable? Yes, the episode is predicated on the very idea of not having the rights to The Beatles music catalog, but this also denies the audience a payoff. Let me explain. Ruby and the Doctor get dressed to the nines to go back to 1963 and watch the Beatles record their first album. Great so far. They have a cute little moment with the tea lady while they sneak into EMI studios. Still great. However, as they roll record for the Fab Four, it’s immediately apparent that something is very wrong. The Beatles' music sounds awful. Like how I imagine my friends on Facebook think they sound all the time. And still, things are going great. What this does, however, is set up expectations for the moment when The Beatles' music is finally back in its full glory. I’ve seen the shot from the trailer of Ncuti in the recording studio full of smiling perfects. It’s gonna be high energy. What a payoff. Right?

The Doctor and Ruby also pop in to listen to Cilla Black lay down a track. It’s the same crappy atonal music that only a trans woman with a collection of circuit-bent instruments could love. Something is amiss. The Doctor and Ruby do a bit of digging. It’s time to go talk to The Shitty Beatles. This time, it’s more than a clever name. With as much respect as I can muster, these have got to be some of the worst Beatle lookalikes I’ve ever seen. Except Paul who was spot on as the real Paul McCartney before he died and 1966 and was replaced with Faul. See my 9-11 Truther Anti-Vaxx Birds Aren’t Real grouphat for more information. The Doctor takes Paul and Ruby takes John. George and Ringo get zero lines, which tracks with history. They learn that both Paul and John don’t actually know why they play music. It feels silly, really. They should just pack it up. But something deep in them is still drawn to music, even if what comes out is a song about a dog that was only slightly better than “Rocky Raccoon.” But before they can slap them out of it like John with his first wife, they’re interrupted by visions of the Maestro.

Enter Jinkx Monsoon, who actually opens the episode but I’m using time travel to talk about things as they become relevant. Now, before they were cast in Doctor Who, I knew nothing about Jinkx Monsoon. I know she was on Drag Race, but I don’t watch that shit. No shade if you do. Ru Paul is totally not problematic and has never done anything weird. Everything I skimmed in Jinkx Monsoon’s Wikipedia page indicates they’re pretty cool. They relish in the role in a way that will make midwest dads shift in their chairs, and I’m here for it. They’ve got an oral fixation that’s impossible not to notice. When they eat the music from Timothy Drake’s soul, they let out a moan that sounds a lot like a climax, and not in the musical sense. Also, how sad is it for Tim Drake that he’ll never meet Batman? RIP Robin. 1925 was too early. Speaking of 1925, isn’t it interesting that the Maestro appears right around the same time as the Toymaker sold the Stooky Bill puppet to Charles Banerjee? Is there some significance with that year? Handily, no World Wars were happening at the time. The Scopes Monkey Trial occurred. Babe Ruth received surgery for an ulcer. They broke ground on defacing Mount Rushmore. But really, kind of tame considering the bookends of the era. The Lorcano treaty was doing a lot of the heavy lifting though.

The Maestro’s whole deal is a sort of crazed sense of ownership over music. To hear them describe it, music belongs to them. They are music. In this way, I was pleasantly surprised that they didn’t song and dance people to death. It’s nice to be surprised. I rather liked their motivation. Monsoon doesn’t need to do a whole lot of acting. It’s all very panto. Very drag. It’s the kind of performance you hope you get. I’m not saying it’s a bad performance, just an elevated one. Both Jinkx and Ncuti get a chance to overact a bit in this story. Once again, I don’t mean overact in a bad way. David Tennant is the biggest overactor in Doctor Who save for Soldeed in “The Horns of Nimon,” and he’s consistently voted favourite among Doctor Who fans. Add “tendency to overact,” to the pile of personality traits I’m beginning to love about the Fifteenth Doctor. I love it when the Doctor really sells the energy of a scene, even if it requires him to speak forlornly into the middle distance.

Attempting to get the world’s groove back, the Doctor has a piano hoisted to the roof of a building. This is, of course, a reference to The Beatles’ final public performance from the rooftop of Apple headquarters in Central London. Only instead of Billy Preston on the keys, it’s Ruby Sunday. As she plays a Ruby original, the inhabitants of neighbouring buildings begin to shake out of their fog as music descends on them like sunshine. It even inspires a granny played by Doctor Who legend Laura June Hudson to dust off her piano to play Debussy’s “Clair de Lune.” It’s a lovely moment which is about to get stomped on by the Maestro’s honking drag boots, but for a brief moment, music swells.

I was glad to see them taking time to slow things down a little in this episode. The Doctor even talks a bit about himself and Susan over on Totter’s Lane. Couple that with Carole Ann Ford’s presence at the Doctor Who premiere last year, and it feels like it might be more than a reference. I’ve seen Whovians of weak faith construe this to mean Susan is dead, but in my experience, when a writer says something isn’t, it is. That’s just my two cents. Who knows if any of it means anything. It could just be that it would be weird for the Doctor to visit London in 1963 and not mention him living there with his granddaughter. Or it could be that Doctor Who is finally getting a better Doctor/Susan reunion than “The FIve Doctors.” Who could forget the moment when they’re reunited? 

First Doctor: "Oh, er, this is Susan."

Fifth Doctor: "Yes I know."

How could you not get choked up? What a reunion. I can’t imagine why people would want something more. The Doctor told her all those years ago “Someday I’ll come back,” and he did. It was brief and without any of that pesky emotional connection we usually get from television.

Ruby pulls the classic “But the world didn’t end in 1963, I exist,” so the Doctor shows Ruby what the world would look like without music and it’s grim. It was nice of them to show us a bombed-out London as many of us are still feeling the sting from Fallout: London’s delayed release. Thanks, Doccy Who. But the two are not alone as they’re interrupted by the Maestro and their Looney Tunes brand of scary sexy. As with their first interaction, the Doctor runs. I love that aspect because it’s very Davies Doctor Who. The Doctor runs from the Time Vortex. The Doctor runs from Gallifrey. The Ninth Doctor refers to himself as cowardly, but what it really is is he hasn’t anything to prove. He’ll live today to fight again tomorrow, and yesterday. Timey wimey.

While the Maestro finds the Doctor both hot and timey wimey, they are still very much a threat to him and the Doctor knows this. You can’t fight the Pantheon. You have to abide by their rules. How do you fight someone who can control the TARDIS with music? The Doctor rips the TARDIS console a new one in order to flee back to 1963, where the world has yet to end. I found it cute the way he kisses the console to say sorry for the way he treated her. It not only suits the Doctor, but this Doctor with his brand of compassion. The TARDIS gets it, but you’ve gotta kiss a boo-boo or it won’t get better, everyone knows that.

The Doctor’s only plan with his limited resources is to somehow find the opposite of the Devil’s Chord, a sort of lost chord, if you will. Of course, this draws the Maestro to the Doctor like my cats to the sound of the tin opener. The Maestro captures Ruby, wrapping her up in sheet music. The Doctor stares down the Maestro as they allow him the opportunity to prove his musical genius. Can the Doctor find the lost chord? With each new note appearing above the piano, the Maestro writhes in twisted agony. But the Doctor hits a bum note and the Maestro is back on their feet ready to suffocate the Doctor in a drum and choke the life out of Ruby. But the song within Ruby’s soul from the Christmas Eve where she was left on that church stoop is stronger than anything the Maestro can muster. The Maestro may own music, but Ruby owns this song in that moment. Like before in “Space Babies,” the snow begins to fall indoors and the Maestro recoils in horror.

This gives the Beatles enough time to discover the piano and play that final note. Alone, they may not be geniuses, but the combination of McCartney and Lennon is enough to find the lost chord and banish the Maestro. They could have also achieved this with Harrison alone. He wrote “Here Comes the Sun,” after all. With the lost chord now found, the Maestro gets sucked off back where they came. Was the note they found the same one from the end of “Day in the Life?” RTD said they used a single Beatles chord. Was that it? I don’t know enough about music to answer that. After a quick re-listen, I'm going to say yes.

London is once again filled with music. Now, we’ll finally get the chance to see the Beatles play their actual music, right? They fixed music, right? God I wish. After cryptically looking into the camera and saying “There’s always a twist in the end,” the Doctor and Ruby are suddenly thrust into what I can only describe as the worst song possible. I’ve said in the past that I am not a huge fan of Murray Gold’s music. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just a bit safe for my tastes. But this song… I loathe it with every fibre of my being. It’s cloying, it’s corny, and it’s a repetitive ear worm you don’t want stuck in your head. I’ve said I was interested in Doctor Who doing a musical number, but this was god awful. I try to be as fair as possible when it comes to my reviews, so I think I’ve earned enough good faith to openly say this song is terrible. I would rather listen to the crappy dog song from earlier in the episode, and I don’t even own any circuit-bent instruments, and therein lies the problem.

How can you say the Doctor saved music when the way you present it is with a song that is simply not good? We need a good song in this moment, and that was not it. If ever there was a time to reach into the coffers and pay for a song, it was this. I mean, he said “There’s always a twist in the end,” and “Twist and Shout,” was right there. It wasn’t even written by the Beatles so it might have even been cheaper. They could even re-record it in the same Glee style in which they filmed the big song and dance routine. Hell, how expensive are Cilla Black songs? Do one of those. Instead, we get another fake Beatles song, in fake EMI studios, on fake Abbey Road to imply that we saved the future from a world of fake Beatles songs. By the time this insipid tune wears out its welcome, the Doctor and Ruby skip away across Abbey Road, lighting up the zebra crossing like piano keys. But instead of it being charming, it caused both my wife and I to say “Oh God, it’s still going.” 

After the episode, I did a little bit of reading. I figured the two people dancing with the Doctor and Ruby were guest stars as they singled them out over the other background dancers. Evidently, they’re judges or competitors on Strictly. I dunno, I don’t watch that shit. So I really have no idea if that song was written to be in the style of something you would see on Strictly. But what I do know, is that it was brave of Murray Gold to show his face during that exquisite train wreck. I guess this episode really did pull a “Daleks in Manhattan,” �� la “My Angel Put the Devil In Me.” In that respect, you can add contemporary music to the list of things Doctor Who should do well, but can’t seem to get right. It’s in good company with pirates and westerns. “The Gunfighters,” even fails at two out of three. Impressive!

I do admire the hell out of RTD and company for throwing their whole ass into that ending. It takes real chutzpah to fail so spectacularly. And honestly, as harsh as I’ve been, I didn’t totally hate the scene. In some ways, it's a clever pastiche to '60s music. In that light, I could maybe come around to it, over time. They’re also trying new things. But I think we found the ceiling pretty fast. I can’t say I’d like to see that sort of thing a lot more in the future, but here and there? Sure. As it is, it feels unrestrained and masturbatory. And truthfully, I would have preferred an actual musical like Buffy’s “Once More, With Feeling,” or Star Trek: Strange New Worlds’ “Subspace Rhapsody.” They somehow gave me what I wanted while simultaneously failing to deliver.

Now of course, the real question is- what was the twist at the end? Was it the appearance of the Maestro’s “son,” Henry “Harbinger,” Arbinger?  Or maybe it was a meta-reference to actress Susan Twist, the woman who once again has shown up in the background. I find it even more interesting that in every episode where she’s appeared, they give her a line to read. Or maybe it’s a Susan twist, as in the Doctor’s granddaughter. They mention Susan in the same episode with an actress named Susan Twist where they sing about twists while doing the twist. It’s like “Who’s on second?” or “The Doctor’s daughter who plays the Doctor’s daughter in ‘The Doctor’s Daughter,’ marries the Doctor.” 

Despite the ending and the rehashed story, I rather liked this episode. Jinkx Monsoon and Ncuti Gatwa had great chemistry. The mysteries continue to unfold. Along with my hope for the Rani, I can now add hope for Susan into the mix, and as with the Rani, I won’t get my hopes up. In the same vein, I'm grateful that Maestro wasn't a code name for the Master. We've seen enough of him for a while, thanks. Ncuti and Millie continue to impress as the Doctor and Ruby. I also admired Ruby's restraint in not telling John Lennon to avoid chubby guys in glasses. I loved the Maestro and the fact that their laugh was vocal warm-up. So much fantastic attention to detail. But that ending is not my bag. It felt tacked on, poorly paced, and obnoxious. It reminded me of that line from Fight Club- “We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.” Emphasis on the crap.

[asmodeusstahl]

So, I have a lot of problems with the latest (sixth) episode of Percy Jackson and the Olympians. I’m just going to start from the beginning and work my way through the episode to the end.

Firstly, the episode title is “We Take A Zebra to Vegas.” Do we *see* a Zebra? For all of two seconds. That’s it. So much for a plot-relevant episode title. It’s a nitpick, sure, but if you’re going to make something an episode title, it should have SOME relevance to the plot. I understand that that’s the only chapter where we see the Lotus Casino, so it makes sense to use that chapter title as the episode title. But is it *really* that much more effort to add a scene featuring Percy and/or Grover chatting with the Zebra? There’s certainly run time and almost certainly budget for it.

Then we get to the casino itself and, as loathe as I am to admit it, the movie did it better without question. Even the smallest of details — like the look and vibe of the casino are done so much better in the movie. The casino is designed to trap children, so it’s filled with water parks, roller coasters, and all that makes a kid lose their mind. We see that in the movie. In the show, it’s just a regular old casino filled with a bunch of adults of all ages. There’s only like 2 or 3 shots where you really see groups of children. And that’s not even mentioning the exterior architecture of it. It’s a nitpick, but the show version doesn’t even look Greek-inspired. In the movie, it’s basically a knock-off Caesar’s Palace with Greek Columns and everything. It’s great. The giant Lotus Blossom with a roller coaster coming out of the side just… isn’t.

Much like with Medusa, all the suspense was just thrown out the window. Once they enter, Grover does the whole “wait, Percy, did your mom read you the Odyssey?” shtick and the trio figures out it’s the Lotus Eaters that Odysseus faced. Consequently, Percy and Annabeth do not lose themselves in the casino. They stay sane the whole bloody time. What annoys me even more about this is that Percy even says as they enter the casino “what if we just chilled here and played some games for a bit.” It got my hopes up that we’d actually see a competent drug trip scene — I was wrong. Annabeth immediately shuts him down and he’s like “yeah, no, I was joking.”

Anyway, they go to look for Hermes. I’m not sure why the fuck Hermes loves hanging out in this casino. The show’s explanation is that he just likes chilling there and nothing more is said on the matter. It feels weird to be that an Olympian would just be chilling in a casino run by monsters without a care in the world. Whatever.

Once they enter, Annabeth decides Grover should split off so they can cover more ground. Um, hello, if you’re trying to cover more ground why not have EVERYONE split off, not just Grover? So Grover goes off on his own, finds a Satyr that used to know his Uncle Ferdinand and starts talking to him about the Search for Pan. The Satyr is like “oh, yeah, Pan. I think I found him here. Come follow me.” Grover follows and eventually forgets who he is (and ends up playing VR). Sure, great, one of the trio lost it, but that doesn’t account for the other two and we really didn’t need to shoehorn more Pan stuff in just for the sake of getting Grover to split off from Percabeth.

Meanwhile, Percabeth have found Hermes and he takes them aside to chat after they mention they’re friends of Luke’s. There’s a few things here that annoy me. Firstly, Hermes lore dumps all of the trauma that is May Castellan — something which doesn’t appear until the 5th book. We could have — and should have, imo — gotten the backstory behind Luke’s failed quest to the Garden of the Hesperides to steal a Golden Apple. The quest he failed when Landon gave him the scar on his face. The quest *Hermes himself* assigned to him. There’s plenty of resentment for Hermes that comes for that — we didn’t need May Castellan. Not yet.

Turns out, Hermes is just stalling them because he doesn’t want to help. Fucking dick. So, Annabeth goes invisible and steals his car keys — which Hermes absolutely knew about. They rescue Grover after a brief spell of forgetfulness. Annabeth reasons that they didn’t lose it like Grover because they were together and it’s harder to forget when you’re with someone. Sure, great. How do you explain the DiAngelos? I highly doubt that Bianca would willingly let Nico wander off on his own. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

I really hate that the movie casino somehow managed to include Disco Darrin — the kid from the 70s that triggers Percy realizing something is fucked up — and that the show doesn’t. Darrin really helps reinforce the idea that the casino is full of kids out of time, which helps set up the reveal that the DiAngelos were in the casino for 70ish years and didn’t age at all. I hate that the movie did something better, I really do. But it’s just unavoidable when comparing these two scenes.

The trio then “steal” Hermes’ cab, which just so happens to have a letter addressed to the trio that supposedly tells them a back way into the Underworld. We’ll see how that turns out next episode, but I will be UPSET if we don’t get DOA Recording Studious and all that jazz. As soon as Percy (shoddily) drives the trio out of the parking garage, Hermes’ travel magic transports them to the beach in Santa Monica. That’s the one redeeming thing about this episode for me. That’s actually a really cool application of Hermes’ powers as the God of Travelers.

What I do have a problem with, however, is Percy’s experience in the ocean. Instead of meeting Poseidon, as was promised to us, we meet the Nereid from St. Louis. She tells Percy that “surprise, the summer solstice already happened. Poseidon waited for you as long as you could, but now he has to go marshal his forces for war. Go home now, your quest is done.” Um, what? The summer solstice passing makes no sense to me as a creative decision. The solstice is the reason that all the gods were on Olympus when Percy returned the bolt. You can’t expect the gods to just be chilling on Olympus 24/7 especially when war is about to break out.

Plus, you cannot tell me that Zeus wouldn’t have immediately started fucking shit up. His symbol of power was stolen — allegedly — by Poseidon. He’d want that back ASAP. In the book, it’s stated in no uncertain terms that, if Percy+Co. failed, Zeus and Poseidon would be fucking up the weather. Massive storms and natural disasters everywhere. The sky and the sea would be at war with each other. It would be like Armageddon. There’s 0 sign of that. At all.

Then, before Percy leaves, the Nereid gives him *four* pearls. Not three. Four. This takes away Percy having to sacrifice Sally for the sake of the world (even if she comes back eventually). This change just doesn’t make any sense to me. The explanation in the show is that Poseidon cares about Sally. But that makes 0 sense because there’s been an overarching narrative that All Gods Are Bastards. Additionally, even in this episode, Hermes mentioned that it was Poseidon’s advice to stay away from the lives of demigods/their mortal parents. That it’s awful watching them struggle and feel powerless to stop it. Why does Poseidon suddenly have the power to help Sally now? It just… doesn’t make any sense to me.

Another issue I have with this is that if the Nereid is telling Percy to go back to camp, why is she giving him *four* pearls? Assuming a retcon that the pearls transport the user to CHB, there’s no need for four. If Percy is supposed to return to CHB immediately, he doesn’t go to the Underworld to rescue Sally and therefore does not need a fourth pearl. If that isn’t a plot hole, I don’t know what is.

The episode ends with Percy being like “no, I’m seeing this quest through to the end.” Which is great and all, but the teaser for next episode worries me with how much it includes. We’re going to see Crusty’s Water Bed Palace, the Underworld, AND the fight on the beach with Ares. I don’t know how they’re going to fit that all into like 35 minutes of show time (accounting for the “previously on” segment and credits taking up 5 minutes of the 40 minute runtime). Crusty was the obvious cut from this episode so that it doesn’t feel rushed, but it *wasn’t* cut and that worries me.

And, furthermore, I think Crusty is going to have to be heavily modified for the screen. I see no way Disney allows Percy to go full medieval torture and stretch Crusty to death. Which is disappointing, if I’m being honest. It’s really the first indication of how Percy acts when he’s snapped/in the zone. Stuff like summoning hurricanes while fighting or overwhelming the weather barrier at Camp also falls into this category. That’s a nitpick, sure, but whatever.

Look, I didn’t want to be a hater. And I still don’t. I would love to love this show, but the problem with it is the marketing and the writing. It was marketed by Rick and the critics as a “faithful adaptation.” This is not that. This is a rewrite of the book that’s honestly worse than some fanfics I’ve read. Which says a lot because the PJO fanfic community is not known for having well-written works.

And the trio themselves just aren’t clicking as their book counterparts for the most part. Percy, especially, just doesn’t act like Percy. We’re missing his sarcasm and biting humor. It’s not Walker’s fault — anyone who’s watched The Adam Project” knows he can pull it off. Annabeth has lost most of her character development and had that screen time given to Grover. I was alright with it last episode with Ares, but it just did not work with Augustus this episode. The trio just doesn’t feel like the trio and I don’t think it’s the actors’ faults.

Like I said earlier, Walker can absolutely pull off Persass. The script just isn’t letting him do that and that disappoints me. I watched Leah in Beast and absolutely could see the Annabeth in her, but all of her moments and character traits are either being given to Percy and Grover or cut entirely. Taking away our knowledge from the books, we know the least about Annabeth’s character out of the trio. The script just isn’t making her click in my mind as Annabeth like the script in Beast did. I can’t really say much about Aryan, since I haven’t seen him in other works, but I do like that he’s being elevated above comedic relief. So… that’s a good thing, I guess.

Overall, I have a lot of issues with the show. Especially with this episode. I also have a lot of fears with the direction this show is going for the final two episodes and I’m nervous to see where Rick and the writers take this. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

[spiriiitt]

Okay so like I have no clue how to colour work coloured pencils, and the ones I have I got in a free art box for disadvantaged kids like 4 years ago so they're terrible terrible, but YOU SEE THE VISION RIGHT????

This post is just going to be me ramblings about the world building I've done so far for it, mostly on meifwas and Aphmau

Aph appears in the forest and follows vylad wtvr, doesn't remember anything yada yada yada we KNOW HOW MCD WORKS I just have to workshop it in the mlp logic and shit.

Aphmau has an abnormally long, curved horn, one that is often associated with powerful magicks users, however much longer. However, aph does not remember how to use her magicks when she shows up to Phoenix drop, at least not for a while. Her markings make villagers think she may be a zebra for a second, but they do not resemble theirs in the slightest and rather are not something recognisable to a species or any modern cultures they know of in the village. Her marks extend up her horn and follow where wings would stem from on her torso

Emmalyn does not recognise them either, and is very fascinated by aphmau's horn, however is very aggressive towards her, especially upon seeing hr cutie mark. Her cutie mark is rather dull and almost blends in with aphmau's coat, but it is the symbol of Irene. Emmalyn isn't quite sure of why, but as a dedicated Irene scholar she has reasons to believe it means she may be a closer, but not close, descendant of Irene, or may be destined (or formally was before she showed up at Phoenix drop) to be a powerful Irene priestess or scholar. However she also believes it may mean Aphmau has the heart of irene- the metaphorical heart, as in she is bound to live a similar, though not as important, life Irene did in helping people and trying to bring peace, as Irene had become synonymous with peace and aid by this point in time, so the forming of her symbol as a cutie mark didn't seem impossible in the grand scheme of things to Emmalyn. However, Emmalyn was jealous of the fact Aphmau had the Irene symbol on her, as someone who knew, or could not remember, nothing about Irene.

In saying that, a pony had not been seen before with the symbol of a god or divine warriors before.

Aphmau probably gets her wings when she has her first Irene transformation thing, or maybe when she GOES to the Irene dimension.. idk I have to rewatch mcd when I have time but I'll get back to the rest of it all.

obviously yk horns and wings or none at all, ponies have em or they don't and they DO vary depending on type of horse! Yk, like meifwa, werewolf, etc etc witches and warlocks yk yk, shadow knights, elves I could go on but I also can't BC idk what else there is.

generally meifwa have thicker horns but they're a bit shorter and curve kind of like a cat's claw does, but upwards, and are very sharp! They're also very powerful generally, and horn embellishments are a large part of their culture for the everyday pony. Some meifwa don't have horns, some have wings or are just earth ponies, but as a culture and type of pony their wings are generally much better for gliding and softening falls, very much like a cat being able to take falls very well, but they aren't very powerful for everything else (though they can still fly obvi) They can glide fast as their wings are very thin so they are very aerodynamic and cut through the air easily.

In general, meifwa have thinner limbs and bodies for agility, and their manes and tails are generally very slick and thin, and braids are considered an art and sign of status depending on the amount.

Mostly very colourful but in duller shades of said colours, thought dye to make it brighter is common, especially among young and/or very powerful ponies.

Their ears are also much sharper and point much more forward, though do not have much fur on them compared to other pony species/idfk what to call it.

Many different unique coats and coat markings can be found within them, and different coats are associated with different families and classes.

Their snouts are also shorter.

I WILL WORK ON WEREWOLVES AND WITCHES L A T E R

🤩🤩

[twink-between-worlds]

im being so real i have never been more mad at a game than i am at zoochosis. like...

this is the SECOND game to let us down and i dont know why this ones making us more mad. we paid more for the OTHER fucking failure. but i just. okay ill put it under a cut because this got a LOT longer than i thought it'd get? HAHA sorry i just...im very passionate about animals and a lot of the time when moony + ledge were playin it i was backseating goin "They Do Not Fucking Do That."

let me. just. I know Moon made a "our thoughts" post but i wanna talk about those fuckin zebras. it was lazy to fucking make them sound like horses (they dont sound like horses, chat. relatively they're closer to donkeys than they are to horses!) and making them puke the same as the other animals (zebras cannot actually throw up! if someone animated one throwing up, they could at least make them look visibly pained -- because it WOULD hurt like a motherfucker. they arent supposed to be able to throw up, of course it would hurt!)

other animals too, actually, dont make sense.

who. in their right mind. decided to put FOUR MALE SILVERBACK GORILLAS in the same enclosure. im sorry but literally that is probably worse than the actual mutation. come on. they would kill each other before even being infected or mutated. silverbacks are known to be more aggressive. this was stupid. are silverback gorillas the only type of gorilla that they knew, or something?

the giraffes feeding station wouldnt be ground level. theyd be higher up to account for their necks, since it can hurt them if it's too fucking low!!!! jesus fucking christ. giraffes also don't puke the way the game shows! giraffes throw up on a regular basis, sure, but not like humans do!! They have the same stomach structure as cows, meaning they have four chambers, so they 'throw up' more like a cow does to break down their food a little in the 1st of their 4 chambers, and then regurgitate it to chew it more thoruoughly! they do this with water too! but they don't tend to throw up the way zoochosis shows them to do!!!!!! IM MAD ABOUT THIS.

i dont have a real issue with the penguins... dunno why they never went into the water. bit weird but not too bad? i guess? . actually. they all appear to be emperor penguins, but some have red and purple instead of yellow on their necks???? hello??? god, are you there???? thats not even, like, intended to show infection. they just Did That.

Why Were There Moose In The Zoo. Are they typically in zoos??? we've never seen one irl so we genuinely dont know if its just where we are that doesnt have any moose (meese? whats te plural of moose.) in zoos.

the wallabys....ill be real, for us they wouldnt stop fucking moving so we could NEVER get their blood and it was just annoying. wallabys are also typically smaller but we dont talk about that, apparently?? (im also pretty sure they cant throw up either, i think they also do the Cow Thing, but i cannot say it confidently, so it doesn't count to the "this animal cant fucking throw up." counter)

guess what? they did the throwing up thing THREE TIMES, BABEY! ELEPHANTS CANT FUCKING DO THAT EITHER. you'd think, if they're gonna make a game about a zoo, that they'd look up what certain animals can and can't do, and work around the limitations to make different symptoms, but i guess fucking not!

the hippos were weirdly docile, having a strange human being close and touching them. i dont care. hippos don't like humans being in their territory (in this case, their enclosure is their territory!) and they get agressive if you're in their space. also, you poke a needle into them, they'd get fucking pissed. you would be dead. the infection wouldnt get to you as fast as that fucking hippo would, i promise you.

im so fucking sorry zoochosis tag. i like animals a lot. i could go on about the mutations too but im not doing that to you HAHA

[harrietpotterandthedemigods]

See I KNEW Lin Manuel Miranda was awesome as Hermes! He IS Hermes! Hermes IS him! I could go on but really, I’m just so happy we got to see him! I’ve been waiting for that since the casting was announced!

On to the episode now…

Loved Grover! He figured out about as much about the lightning thief as I expected. He’s so smart! Little Grover, he’s so precious! We must protect him at all cost! Also he got to gush about the animals, gods Grover is so adorable! And the there was the blessing of the wild, they’ll be fine. What about the humans? Well, the animals will be fine!

Kinda disappointed that we didn’t see Percy talk to a zebra. I didn’t even see a zebra, which was… come on! The episode is called “We take a zebra to Las Vegas” and there isn’t even a zebra? I was looking forward to see Percy realize he can talk to equines…😫

The Lotus Casino was well executed. Lotus flowers are pumped into the air. That’s not explicitly stated in the books but it could very well be the case in the books as well. And we also got the myth linked to the place. That was never clear in the books, we just got that it was a place where time moves differently. And how Grover forgot more than Percy and Annabeth because it’s easy to forget what’s important when you’re alone. That’s just *chef’s kiss*.

I loved Hermes as well. Like, I get the feeling he actually wants to help but he’s afraid it would make things worse. He also really highlights that even if the gods want to be with their kids, their mere presence could lead to ugly consequences. Also, I wasn’t surprised at all when it turned out Hermes knew they took his keys. Like for real, Annabeth? Did you honestly think you had any chance of pickpocket the God of Pickpocketing? That’s your fatal flaw talking. Hermes wanted them to take the keys. That’s quite a huge deal with Hermes, isn’t it? He is the god of travelers, thieves and anyone who uses the road. To quote a line of Luke’s in the books; “Hermes isn’t picky about who he sponsors.” (The Lightning Thief, ch. 7, My dinner goes up in smoke, page 52) He helps people. But since he isn’t supposed to help them, he has to do it under the table, aka slipping them his keys like: “Ops!? You stole my keys? Oh, well, nothing I can do to stop you then…” *shrug*

Also kinda sweet that he tried to reassure Percy that even though his father can’t really be there he still loves and cares for him. They’re all just doing the best they can…

And Santa Monica, I can’t even imagine how Percy must’ve felt in that moment when the nerid told him that his father had left because they ran out of time. He must’ve felt like he let his dad down this time, after Poseidon saved his life. That poor baby! I just want to give him a hug😭 Of course he can’t go back to camp now. He has to set things right!

And this time around he has four pearls? That will be interesting to see next week…

[grumpylia]

i hate to be a hater but here’s a little yap about ep 6 of the pjo tv show

- i was soooo disappointed in this episode! i literally got bored halfway through LMAO and kept getting distracted which was so upsetting!! because the lotus hotel is one of my favourite chapters of the lightning thief!!

- starting from the beginning; i wish wish wish that we’d gotten the ‘you’re my friend, seaweed brain - anymore stupid questions?’ moment because i just love that moment

- but if they weren’t going to give that moment to us surely they could’ve at least given us?? something??

- instead of just luke’s fan service-y ‘old married couple line’

- i also think the whole the trio things tlt is clarisse thing is just?? underwhelming. the show hasn’t done a very good job at making us really understand the stakes here!!! it feels like they’re just fucking around and i don’t like it!! like they literally missed the deadline!! and that didn’t even feel like a big deal!! that should’ve felt earth shattering!!

- also where was the zebra. where was percy being able to talk to the zebra :(

- i wish also that they’d done more with grover in the start of this ep - they could’ve showed us his character rather than just giving us a massive exposition dump

- the EXPOSITION!! i was fine with it in the first few episodes, bc like the book isn’t exactly perfect with exposition either but it’s actually getting to a point where i think it’s taking me out of the story!

- why why why did they skip the lotus hotel stuff??? omg! i can understand some of the other changes (e.g. waterland) but the lotus stuff would’ve translated soo perfectly to screen!! it would’ve been such a good way to build tension without having the characters ohtroght saying to the audience “this is the lotus hotel. time doesn’t move properly here, and if you’re not careful you can forget who you are.”

- i still can’t believe that they didn’t adapt the book this chapter! it would’ve been so perfectly suited for screen! this tv show also has a tension/stakes problem so it would’ve been a great way to help fix that

- also they’re meant to be TWELVE ! ofc they come across a hotel with infinite food and games and money and love it! the whole point is that across the series we’ll see them grow and become more wary of these things! i could understand why they made the change with medusa, but them knowing what they were walking into here just felt like such a boring choice

- and if nothing else the lotus hotel episode should not be boring!!

- also why are we talking about may castellan🤨the reason it has so much impact in the og series is because you’re putting these pieces together and then it all just hits you

- but here it’s just like…

- and hermes’! i don’t have an issue if they wanted to include hermes’ in this scene - cancel me but i think lmm lowkey ate - but i don’t understand why they would do it in this very expositiony way. and are we not meant to think that hermes’ is neglecting luke too?? at least until som?? if i was writing this and i reallly wanted to include hermes’, i feel like there are sooo many different ways to include him that would’ve read sooo much better. still brainstorming what those ways are, but point still stands

- i did think the taxi scene was really funny tho sue me

i hate to be a hater because i really wanted to love this show! and i really did enjoy some specific moments and episodes! but i just wish they’d done a closer adaptation of the book - i think they’re trying to do way too much way too soon and they need to just let the characters and the story breathe for a bit before trying to really go heavy in with all these really in your face themes and exposition