#I think I'll need a writing tag too
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Stealing this from the dashboard, but this is Amity and Seras to me
Seras can cook - but not very well. Seras tries her hardest; by god, no one can deny she tries. But she's the sort of girl who requires instruction down to the smallest detail - the position of the knife, what to keep and what to remove - frankly, her idea of common sense flies in the face of rational, reasonable thought. It's a gift, honestly. Butcher the avocado like it's an apple? Fuck it, why not! She has an inkling in the back of her mind that something about the presentation seems a little... off from all the aesthetic posts she's seen.
Maybe they used different avocados! Yeah, that's probably it. Ha ha- actually, no, Seras is naive, not a moron. And even willfully, she can't convince herself of a stretch that far. She's ready to sit and ponder the idea for several minutes when she looks over at what Amity's got cooking.
All pride for her creation is out the window - replaced with confusion - wha-how? Amity! How does yours look so good! Amity looks down at her creation, then over at Seras's, hissing a quiet 'ă¤ăă / yabai,' before asking, "Seras, darling, did you, Ä, remove the pit?"
'The what?'
"The pit?" Amity's voice was firm, but nearly as bewildered as the wide-eyed, doe-like confusion (and shame) washed across Seras' face. Confused, and sensing something possibly not communicating, Amity set her plate off to the side and tried placing a fist against her cupped hand to convey the idea of a pit, believing language has failed her, " The, Ä, big seed, in the middle?"
But Seras didn't need the demonstration; if anything, it was gasoline on the rising flames of shame washing Seras face in a bright pink. 'I, ehhh,'
She didn't remove the pit. Didn't even consider it - she plowed through that thing like it was a tough spot. But now this makes so, so much more sense.
God, she wants to cover her face 'God, how did I screw it up this bad,' But Amity, sucked in a hissed breath and tilted her head to the side as she took in the truly butchered masterpiece.
But, not one to kick a girl while she's down, Amity tries to find a silver lining, voice gentle as she responds, " I mean- it's not how I did it. Still, I'd be lying if I wasn't impressed by how you managed this,' but one sideward glare from Seras is enough for Amity to get the hint that her 'silver lining' wasn't wanted or helpful in this circumstance.
But! The best part? Neither Amity or Seras can eat 'human food' anymore. They're both obligate carnivores; their cooking was for someone besides themselves, and for Seras, the recipient was intended to be Pip, but upon being presented with the mangled dish. He'd eat it, pit and all, for Seras though, it's painful for everyone to watch. He's like, 'it's good!' and Seras is cringing, and he's trying not to grimace as it crunch crunch crunches, and Amity is just covering her fac,e trying not to laugh
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Zelda goes mushroom girl
#tloz#a link to the past#zelda#link#my art#I was happy with that first one but for some reason decided it still needed a companion piece so I spent way too long on that second one...#I don't think there was any time during the progress where I was happy with it but hfduhdfu at least I got to Attempt drawing moss hell yea#I also at some point sat in Pyu's art stream and said I enjoy drawing legs As I was being murdered by the infamously impossibe (imo) squat.#it's ok I had fun !! but I need to learn how to let doodles be doodles or I'll never finish stuff at this rate dfsuhfd#if everything in my tloz tag looks like it was drawn by different people uuuh 2023 was art crisis year ngl......#I'm falling back into my old ways rn though#anyway I think about these two a lot I think they're both stone faced and awkward ppl in different ways but they try rly hard to be friends#like I like to think it starts out so incredibly awkward and a bit sad bc they keep stepping over each other's toes accidentally the harder#they try but idk they find comfy middle ground idk in my brain they have a very interesting friendship I wanna get around to drawing it#in a proper way that might make sense....#if I don't write 200 tags I will die maybe it's bc I grew up on dA or smth#and yes I know how to find 1 (one) type of mushroom /I/ am not mushroom girl unfortunately smh
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I SWEAR CELEBI'S THINGY IS COMING SOON BUT I REALLY WANTED TO POST THIS ALRIGHT
yeaah... future trio got me too...
and Darkrai is there too, because of course he is.
hey look i drew a cute Drifloon :D
...ignore the rest
whatever started at Darkrai doodles ended in brainrot of future trio + darkrai and I'm blaming @scribz-ag24 for this
#Can you believe between the first pic and the 4th pic is only a week inbetween. I sure can't but like why did I mirror the pose...#ON ACCIDENT??? Everytime I look at the two Grovyles I'm like... how... how did they end up so differently???#also probably blaming @cozybells as well for this but I really fear tagging people so I'm just letting y'all know in the tags because#I do wanna let everyone know who inspired me when someone did <333 better get running [you know who you are!!!!] DusnoirXDarkrai is next...#also: upon seeing scribz-ag24's art my brain said: You need to color too! ah yeah that went well with the doodle batch#I really hope you're able to read everything with how messy I can write sometimes. If not please let me know and I'll add sth in this post!#Also the doodle batch was the first thing I drew so well... never drew dusknoir before and grovyle once i think...#please go easy on me I have yet to explore the relationship between literally everyoneđ and I have no idea what Iâm doing and I'm a little#lost I normally only draw King Boo or Darkrai but I'm sure scribz-ag24 sprinkling in bits of Darkrai got me in love with the future trio to#grovyle#future trio#celebi#darkrai#dusknoir#pmd hero#pokemon#drifloon#totodile#my art#my stuff#tagas friend spoiler#pmd#pokemon mystery dungeon#IS THERE A SHIP NAME FOR FUTURE TRIO... there must be. ...oh... is it just...#futuretrioshipping#i feel sooo stupid rn.#also everytime i drew darkrai i had evil spiteful bastard in mind (except for the one with an arrow pointing out he's redeemed) but i think#i literally mixed every possible version of him in my head so got absolutely no clue what i'm doing :D#anyways i hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading through my ramblings! Have such a wonderful rest of the day yippiee <333#pmd2
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Do you guys wanna see a thing I tried writing? It's pretty unfinished and I don't think I will finish it but it was fun to play with and it might be okay as a lil snippet! I also have like no energy for drawing right now but I wanna post something lol
(The context is Cross and Killer are alone on a mission in some unspecified au when Killer goes stage 3)
âKiller?â
Cross looked over when he got no response, half expecting Killer to have wandered off in some direction as he did on these longer jobs. His loyalty to Nightmare was often at war with his attention span in the field, and you could expect a job to take longer if it was anywhere a cat was liable to appear.
What he didnât expect was to catch sight of Killerâs wildly fluctuating soul glinting in the reflection of the knife that was coming right for him.
Cross managed to lunge back just in time for the knife to arc downwards into the snow in his place. Its wielder slowly turned his head, tracking the path to where Cross was now. His empty eye sockets gushed with more ooze than usual, stare somehow colder than the ice he was now shaking from his blade.
âKillerâŚâ Cross began, trying to keep his tone steady and authoritative like a warning. He was ever hopeful that this was some stupid game Killer was playing out of boredom, but that hope died as he watched some of the black goop begin to drip out of the corner of the otherâs mouth.
That only happened when he went stage 3.
Shit.
Cross felt his soul drop. Heâd never dealt with Killer like this alone, usually they handled him as a team if Nightmare wasnât there to take over. In the time it would take him to look down at his phone to call for help there would probably be a knife in his head.
This was fine. He could handle it. He always had more training and stamina than Killer anyway, he just had to play keepaway with his life long enough to go home with it.
Killer teleported in front of him, something that caught Cross off guard. In his right mind, Killer almost never seemed to use his magic in fights unless he wanted to fuck around with the other.Â
[Put the fight part here idk pretend there was a really cool fight, it was so cool, you loved it]
Cross felt his soul drop again, but this time the rest of his body followed. Killer was using his gravity magic to hold him to the ground, and was shambling towards him ready to finish things. Cross struggled for a moment to see if he could fight his way out of the magicâs hold, but to no avail. He was pinned as his assailant now stood threateningly over him, knife raised. In a flash of desperation, he reached out both hands and grabbed Killerâs ankles, quickly moving his head to one side as a bone attack pierced up out of the snow and struck the other in the jaw.
It wasnât his strongest attack, but it was enough to knock Killer backwards and stun him. As Cross felt his soul being released from the otherâs magic, he quickly scrambled forward and sat on Killerâs chest as he lay sprawled out in the snow, pinning his arms down on either side of his head as he began to come back around. His face was leaking so much determination from every crevice that at that point it was hard to make out an expression under it all, but Cross could tell he was frustrated as he felt the rumble of bone attacks beginning to rise up out of the snow around them.
He followed suit, carefully forming a line of his own bone attacks closely around them to act as a barrier. He could feel Killerâs attacks bouncing off of his, each hit more desperate and frantic than the last like an animal clawing at the sides of its cage. He felt some magic encircling his soul again, but this time trying to raise him up rather than push him down. It was weaker than before, whether because Killerâs attention was split with still launching bone attacks or because he was beginning to tire out, but Cross managed to fight against it and stay put.
âKiller!â he barked, leaning over the otherâs face. âThatâs enough. Youâre not going anywhere until you pull yourself together!â
The gravity magic seemed to cease at his shout, so Cross continued in the fervent hope that he was getting through to him.
âWeâll stay here all night if thatâs what it takes, but Iâm reporting back to Nightmare when this is over and Iâm not leaving without you! Do you hear me?! I donât care if I have to bring you back hogtied over my shoulder, Iâm not gonna hurt you and Iâm not gonna let you kill me!â
He didnât realise heâd been shouting until the clinking and scraping of bone attacks had slowed and stopped altogether, and it was just the sound of his promise echoing off the bones and snow surrounding them.
And the strange gurgling sound coming from below him.
He opened his eyes again in confusion and stared down at the skeleton weakly fighting against his grasp, determination pooling and soaking into the snow from every gap in his skull. It took a second longer than heâd like to admit for Cross to realise that sound was Killer choking on it.
His bone attacks shrunk back into the ground and he shot backwards, landing ungracefully on his backside with a little curse. He hurried to pull Killer up and help him lean forward, swatting his back as he retched and spat the toxic goop up onto the ground where theyâd just fought.
It was never an elegant dismount from these things, theyâd found there was just no dignified way to get out a ribcage worth of black ooze. After a minute of heaving and gasping, Killer finally got a hold of himself and started glancing frantically around.
âWhereâs Dust??â he managed to choke out with the urgency of a parent whoâd lost their child. It always seemed to be the first thing on his mind when he came to from one of these episodes, Cross was never really sure why since any other time it seemed like they hated each other.
âHeâs at home,â Cross assured, pressing one hand to Killerâs spine for support. âItâs just us, we were on a mission.â
He could see now that Killerâs soul had calmed down from the pulsating mass of spikes it was a few minutes ago and become somewhat soul shaped, still twitching nervously but a far calmer sight than before. That was a good sign that the attack was over. He wondered how much control Killer had over it, since heâd definitely seen it turn that way without having to go through a fight to the death first, but it was rare.
Cross flinched as he felt Killer grab him again, though this time instead of kicking him in the ribs he simply held on for dear life. That was another clear sign, after he was done puking up whatever goop had built up he usually cried for a while.
It was odd, especially the first few times, to see someone who always seemed so disconnected and unphased have a sobbing breakdown after trying to kill you.
âHey,â Cross said, voice hushed as he wrapped his arms around the skeleton trembling in his lap. âItâs okay⌠youâre okayâŚâ
Cross had never been the best at comforting words, but he knew Killer just needed someone to cling to while he got a hold of himself, and he was content to be that for a little while. Especially after being thrown around so much, his aching bones were more than happy for an excuse to sit in the snow for a bit. He could feel Killerâs soul being pressed against his chest as he wept silently into Crossâs shoulder, the fear and regret seemed to be radiating from it like smoke from a smothered flame.
He wondered idly if this was what Nightmare could feel all the time.
...
He also wondered just how hard it was going to be to get these black stains out of his jacket again once he pried Killer's face off of it.
#UTDR#UTMV#Cross Sans#Killer Sans#I don't think I need a writing tag cause I don't think I'll do it a whole lot#I also don't have a name for this or anything it was just kinda for funsies#I think the original plan was to have it be like. seeing the whole process of Killer's stage 3 attacks through Cross#And like my hcs on how it goes#And there's still some of that in there like him having extra goop during it and being super guilty and emotional afterwards#But also I got lazy with the rest lol#I don't think it's too bad but writing still feels weird to me cause I don't do it that much#Working on a different writy boy that I'm passionate about though so maybe hopefully there will be more! :D#Killer and Cross won't be in it though. sorry lads#Oh shit I need to wash my hair for work actually okay see you in a bit!!
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this isn't intended to be a judgment on anyone in particular, but I'm surprised on how few people in the cccc fandom write image descriptions for their art considering the existence of a character who would realistically need to use them {whether you interpret heart as low vision or light sensitive or fully blind} it's just kind of ironic how the characters in the media couldn't even access the content made for it
anyways, if you have the ability to write image descriptions for your work, I highly recommend doing it! it's pretty easy once you get the hang of it :-)
#maybe it's because i'm used to it in podcast fandoms? it seems more prominent in audio only fandoms like podcasts#which makes it extra weird cccc doesn't have that since it's an album? with visuals in the videos but still#again this isn't a callout or anything i'm moreso musing about like. the culture of fandoms#uhhhh. i guess i'll tag this in the fandom tags#cccc#chonnys charming chaos compendium#chonny jash#ack i hope this doesn't come off judgemental. well it is a little bit because accessibility is important#but it's not. a judgement of character. yknow? i think a lot of people just don't think about it#this is alright to rb by the way i think all fandoms need to have a discussion about accessibility in fan content#if this post inspires anyone to try writing image descriptions for their art i'll be very happy ^-^#i don't need a screenreader myself but i'm light sensitive and can get migraines looking at art sometimes. so the option is nice#ANYWAYS. was thinking about this for a while but was too scared to post it#but i figured now is a good time since people are addressing concerns in the fandom#{which. i'm not touching that one. for personal reasons that i don't want to get into lol}#tridential tirade
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collection of moth things i never posted all of varying quality and age
#i'm not giving context for the last two . if you know you know#clamart#cotl monch#the fox is there too but i'm not tagging him due to him being there only Vaguely#and I need a designated Lumi tag. will get back to u on that (<- she will forget)#mostly jus putting these up to ensure everyone I am still thinking about that moth I Promise . i am always thinking about that Moth#monch#fwct chapter 3 is moving at a fuckin snail's pace i'll tell u that much though . I AM writing it .I am jus havin a hell of a time with it#i got too caught up in the whole intro sequence i gotta cut to the chase where the Things actually happen. Unfortunately Monch loves#her internal monologues. So it's just like....... she won't shut the fuck up (in her brain) for two got damn minutes#she has so much to say and none of it will ever be said aloud. too much seething in her Mind. therefore she HATES IT when I try to WRITE#actually i feel like being funny.#cult of the lamb#maintags your moth . giggles an d runs away
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âď¸ đłđđđ
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Behold, an Ongoing Project! đŻ
I've been wanting to compile this for a while, instead of frantically scrambling for references every time I sit down to write â I thought it would be fun to share! I'm mostly tackling this from the perspective of a fanfic author, and also as someone who's very into viking era-through-renaissance men's fashion and armor.
I think it's really fun to look at the decisions that were made strategically (to maintain actor mobility, for example), because they looked cool (Faramir's pointless hinged piece on his helmet), or because they were actually period-accurate (gambesons under chainmail, or worn as armor by themselves!). I'm also taking it as a chance to point out what these garments say about their owners!
I say this in the document itself, but there's no need to credit me if you reference/use the doc for your own writing ^_^ this is some of my favorite stuff to discuss, so just getting to share it is cool enough to me.
I'm purely focusing on human characters to start, because of the more solid real-world parallels, but I'm happy to add on to this if there are other characters you'd like to see!!
(@potatoflower7 + @rivers-for-me, tagging you both bc you interacted w/ the posts I made when I was just starting this!)
#lord of the rings#lotr#boromir#faramir#eomer#theodred#eowyn#theoden#denethor#faramir of gondor#ĂŠomer ĂŠadig#ĂŠomer#thĂŠodred#ĂŠowyn#eowyn of rohan#thĂŠoden#thĂŠoden ednew#thĂŠoden king#my writing#(they've been added but not finishedâ i wanted to talk about hair in rohirric culture)#waugh i havent even started on aragorn and there r 48 pages......#some day i might turn it into a neocities site but thats just too big a project rn. i need this 2 stay Silly while i work on the text game#(other character tags to be added as their sections are completed)#Ăowyn's wedding garb has been touched on briefly alongside Faramir! think I'll cover her coronation gown next just to get it out of the way
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Ok for some reason my brain is hyper focusing on Johnlock again like I won't regret it 2-3 business days from now when I come out of it with 5 new open AO3 tabs (out of my already 156 open AO3 tabs not counting other unfinished/unread fic/fic I've not caught up on, full disclosure) for fic that I probably won't finish reading and/or while being unable to find the. Very Specific. fic I want to read and just having like an open half-filtered tab... But Anyway.
Here's a Very Rare Johnlock Post from me lol
Imagine after all the seasons are over and Johnlock are old and have finally talked about their feelings and properly, actually, gotten officially together
(and subsequently gotten married in like 2 months cause Sherlock filled out the paperwork while John was not actually at home and then actually having a discussion about it when John finds out it happened cause Sherlock casually mentions it and actually agrees after Sherlock mentions (read: steamrolls over him, anxiously) them practically already being married by common law and just officialising it for the tax benefits... they only have a proper wedding, maybe on their/an anniversary when Mrs Hudson finds out probably 6 months later or sth and complains,, but I've gone on a tangent again)
Anyway Rosie is a teenager, with after-school activities and a phone.
I'm just imagining Sherlock dragging John out on a murder case (read: date) and deciding to feed him midway through (like always, tbh,, sth sth that post about feeding the depressed man that tends to forget to eat but I digress)
So Rosie gets a text and a voicemail from the two of them (cause Sherlock prefers to text and tell me John is not the sort to leave voicemails, like he would have put it on the voicemail machine if they had one he's so old man sometimes)
And it goes something like:
[Text from Papa]
RagĂš Bolognese, Angelo's, 7pm. Hugs. -SH
[Voicemail from Dad]
"Hi honey, it's Dad.
Sorry we won't be able to make it to dinner with you, your father's got a case and you know how he gets...
Anyway, Mrs Hudson is going out tonight remember, so your Papa is booking the usual table at Angelo's for you... You still like the Spaghetti Bolognese right?
Don't worry about us, we'll eat before we get home. And the reservation is at 7, so don't be late. This will probably take a while so don't wait up either and go straight to bed young lady, you hear me?
Anyway I've got to go, loveyoubye."
Anyway I think it would be very cute, like they love and care about her, even if they're old men who laugh at crime scenes and whose ideal date is trying to catch a murderer together, and they show it by taking a moment to make sure she's fed with her favorite food even when they're busy solving crime, so yeah.
#i know sherlock is not the type to message âhugsâ and stuff that often but i feel like he would do it for Rosie#cause he's enamored like look at the way he looked at hee in the show#that's his baby#and john somehow manages to be the worried mother and the stern father in one conversation#he has a lot of practice tbf#i think i used anyway too much sorry#i also kept going on tangents i might need an adhd diagnosis my brain is so scattered sometimes but i think it's also hereditary#ANYWAY I'M OVER SHARING#shut up wonder omg they don't need to know everything lol#anyway (sorry so many anyways) i hope you liked this. it will probably never happen again#I'll stop writing random tags now#johnlock#sherlock holmes#bbc sherlock#john watson#bbc john watson#bbc johnlock#rosie watson#post season 3#teenage rosie watson#Angelo's mentioned#texts#voicemail#gave up on formatting btw
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ever since I wrote the thing where spock tells mccoy that the ozh'esta can be platonic, in the back of my head I keep thinking about a fic where the entire basis is that spock does know he's into mccoy, and he (don't do this) basically lulls him into vulcan dating without telling him? like finger kissing sure sure sure, but other things as well that, like, up the ante a LOT. and because i'm not a particularly kind person, I was trying to think how kirk could also be doing that, but of course he doesn't have the same leeway as spock, as mccoy obviously knows what human gestures of affection/romance are - so i think the best workaround would be for kirk to convince mccoy to try a chill/casual friends with benefits thing with him, except kirk keeps, like, doing super intense romantic things, and (i'm exaggerating for comedic affect) gaslighting him that they're really just what every friends with benefits situation is like, and because mccoy's never had a fwb, he's just like......"that sounds wrong but I don't know enough about them to prove you wrong" and goes along with it.
point being that he is routinely getting to idk vulcan third base with spock, but spock is just like "odd that you think this is romantic and/or sexual, this is just vulcan friendship, doctor," and meanwhile he's supposed to be having quickies with kirk to blow off steam, but kirk keeps doing the most romantic shit and being like, "yeah, giving you roses is my kink, why are you being so weird about it" and mccoy's just. listen. he's dated around okay, he's not some shy blushing virgin, but he has made the tragic mistake of trusting his two best friends, and by george are they gonna abuse that trust (don't do this) in their attempts to win him over lmao.
I mostly keep thinking about other vulcans coming on board and them subtly realizing and reacting to spock's ~claim~ on mccoy, and spock being disgustingly smug about it, and meanwhile someone hits on mccoy and kirk swoops in and, like, tenderly cups mccoy's cheek and kisses him and then leaves, and mccoy's like, yeah, no, we're just friends?, and everyone around him is???? babe??? no you aren't???
is it possible to write this without mccoy coming off TOO oblivious and/or spock and kirk coming off TOO lacking of boundaries, I just don't know, but it does make me giggle now and again when I think about it
also the fact that he is going to genuinely murder them when he realizes what they've been doing, and they can't even complain, because they both know they absolutely deserve it.
#tos writing ref#this feels too disjointed to put in the tags so i will just keep it in my writing tag#i think about this pretty much every time someone interacts with the counseling fic tbh#listen listen listen i have admitted many times that i'm a sucker for kirk and spock running roughshod over mccoy's boundaries#and mccoy long-sufferingly Allowing it. and this feels like the logical conclusion of it tbh. he's gonna hafta murder them both tho.#that or he's gonna set payback along the lines of......they aren't allowed to touch him for two months (how long he had to deal with this!)#but he's allowed to touch them whenever/however he wants during that time đđđ#(honestly they'd have preferred if he just killed them lbr)#okay i'll shush up i need to go make dinner anyway lmao#the heart wants what it wants and my heart wants silly and unhinged mcspirk đđđ
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Is it just me or does the phrase "dumb Darillium River" make your ears ring too?
That phrase hurts me like crazy because it takes away how the post-Manhattan events affected her so deeply. And now that we have the added knowledge that she gets to see her parents in New York even after Manhattan, THORS now presents itself in a different light.
River's resounding "the Doctor does not and has never loved me" cements the implication that she and the Doctor had a huge row after Manhattan. What would you feel if the love of your life told you he "does not and has never loved" you? Certainly not happy.
Do you know what grief does to one's mind? No matter how brilliant you are, grief changes you. Grief makes you a different person. I would know, having experienced it myself. And River, in her grief, jumped into a headspace that shut out (or tried hard to) the Doctor.
Yes, she should have recognized it was him she had unknowingly dragged along on her space Robin Hood quest, but for her, it isn't him. It wouldn't be. Because that was the last thing she had heard him say.
Grief and pain clouding her mind, she proudly asserts that no, the Doctor isn't there. He won't show up for her. He has never loved her. But of course, she loves him. She's never denied that. But he proves her wrong soon afterwards. Because she is the Woman The Doctor Loves.
So, yes, on the surface level, "dumb Darillium River" seems to be what THORS had made River to be. But no, it wasn't. It isn't. It was about a grieving River and a chance for the Doctor to right his wrong. (And yes, we were robbed of that kiss. Homie here quite clearly wanted one.)
originally posted over on twitter.
#I do have my problems with some parts of THORS but I just wanna defend post-Manhattan River because my girl went through some serious shit#i mean - row with eleven. his time with older River was up. he only saw younger and even younger versions of River. the next time he saw a#River post-Manhattan was on Trenzalore which was data ghost River. anyway that's the topic of my next thread and i'll be sharing it here to#river song meta#think piece: river song#i also need to make a new tag of my writing stuff so am gonna choose#tia thinks too much#lol#river song#doctor who#eleventh doctor#doctor x river#yowzah#the doctor#twelfth doctor#dw#the husbands of river song#doctorriver#bring back river song#dw musings#here's the thread i was talking about Tree in tumblr form! i sincerely hope i haven't driven you away with my incessant yapping đĽš#sometimes i worry that i talk too much đŤ¨
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this was the tensest insanity (affectionate) i've ever seen. that whole ending sequence.... OH MY ACTUAL FREAKY SLOW HORSING GOD. you could hear river's panicked breathing in the credits. YOU COULD HEAR RIVER'S PANICKED BREATHING IN THE CREDITS. what an episode. this show is incredible. extraordinary genius.
#slow horses spoilers#i actually need to collect my thoughts that was intense AF#WOW#i'm rendered completely speechless#absolute elite show#phenomenal acting phenomenal editing phenomenal music phenomenal EVERYTHING#i can't believe they made me root for the french assassin there for a moment too that boy is just a traumatised child#frank is EVIL#i'll share more thoughts later bc i literally can't think right now#most importantly: PROTECT RIVER AT ALL COST DON'T YOU DARE HURT MY LITTLE SPYBOY#you could hear river's breathing in the credits..... i... jeez#that was an insane amount of death they just killed everyone that was in the way in that scene#slow horses#idk why i'm writing all this in the tags i should put in a post but i'm BESIDE MYSELF atm#i thought they were going to off molly i was screaming my heart was on the floor DON'T TOUCH HER
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good angel turns 7 goddamn years old on the 22nd I'm going to lose my head. did you know bad end is 6.5 years old. Did you know Angel radio is 8.5. Did you know I'm 27. did you know time continues ceaselessly forward and so do i
#do i need a writing tag#man. one day I'll do a video about being an author. a young author#not to sound too fanciful it's not a bragging point it's a 'I want to get out of here I want to matter if I just have a book I finally will#and then the follow up of oh wait. no. reality. time. time forever.#I think if I ever do reread AR I will crumble into dust and remember something forbidden like. it's that old#I hope GA/BE holds up. I loved it so much. I loved it a lot and hoped other people would as well. that's all faded but I hope it holds up#I am back on my sincerity BS with suncrab thank god but I really lost it a while ago. see: all my books are close in age#sincerity in a real.... âI love this I think it's good I hope you'll love itâ genuine excitement I Want To Share way#whereas now I guess I'm still more afraid
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[TUVOKTOBER: Day 15] At First Sight. [Patreon | Commissions]
#tuvoktober#excerpt from the novel 'pathways'#tuvok/t'pel#Tuvok#st voyager#st voyager fanart#T'Pel#hey [vibrating from thinking about Tuvok - Vulcan Love & Gender Identity & Sexuality too much] -extends hand- chew through drywall with me#comix page#something about how Tuvok's identity is half T'Pel and has been for decades he's spent DECADES growing with half of him being a person#he's not just deeply in love with but literally IS. He literally literally /IS/ part of T'Pel and his children literally ARE a part of him#the SECOND he sees T'Pel Tuvok says 'Being with her isn't enough I need to BE her. NOW.'#that novel had barely anything about T'Pel in it but I'll forgive them bc what they did have (basically just this) ??? showstopping.#thinks about Tuvok alone on Voyager thinks about the unique and alien suffering#[shuddering breath...]ahgh...[cough]....h ey Tuvok!!! What're your PRONOUNS-#Guy who misses his wife who is also him#gu ys....[sobbing openly] g uys...he's INCOMPLETE without them.....#are you picking up what I'm putting down???#-chokes star trek writers- stop having straight people write alien romance. let insane gay people like me have a turn pleasepleaseplease#bea art tag#[switches out of angst mode for a second] also its SO fucking funny that in this novel's canon Tuvok didn't know about the pon farr until#it happened to him. he literally had NO idea what was going on. His parents didn't tell him. Why?? Don't believe in sexEd???#it really made me laugh. conservative coded...#drawing elaborate Vulcan head....things? headresses? is fun <3#suggestive cw
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Writers tag game
Prompt: share some writing
Thanks for the tag, @miyamiwu!
So, I'll be honest, I don't actually have any WIPs I'm intending to do anything with, but I have some oldish abandoned stuff I managed to relocate. It's back from 2021 so in my Untamed era and this bit was specifically set during Fatal Journey*:
Nie Huaisang woke blearily, cold seeping into his clothes from the floor. It was dark and it took several seconds to remember where he was. He could hear the muffled sounds of clanging and voices. As he lifted his head off the ground, they slowly resolved themselves into the clash of swords and yelling. [...] He didn't know what to do. What would his brother do? Xichen-ge? San-ge? He had his flute with himâ he could try Cleansing. This was what it was for, right? Before he could doubt himself further, he started playing, pouring all the qi he could muster into the tune. He'd practised for hours the night before, long after San-ge had left, but despite that, he hadn't truly thought then that he'd need to play so soon. Was that so naĂŻve of him? As he watched, Da-ge began to slow in his movements and Nie Huaisang felt himself start to relax. He kept his lips to the flute, trying not to let his relief fool him into making mistakes. Still, he knew he only had to play a little longer and then they could all escape. Him, his brother, his cousin. They could flee far away from the darkness that haunted these halls. And then Nie Zonghui's head hit the floor. He stopped playing.
And then I had this other bit:
He'd messed up. He must have played a wrong note. Maybe he'd misremembered the entire thing? And now Nie Zonghui was dead and his brother - what looked like his brother - was stood, Baxia dripping blood to the floor. [...] The sword was pointed at him. He tried to hold himself steady as he looked down the blade. Tried to blink away the tears that kept escaping without his permission. He could tell he was failing, unable to stop the trembling, but he forced himself to meet the eyes at the other end of the sword. He couldn't die here. He refused to die here. After all, he was the only family his brother had left.
*(it was meant to be part of a short time travel fic where post-canon characters went back not long before NMJ died. It would've had flashbacks to Fatal Journey interspersed with the "present" up until the point at which future NHS tipped off past NHS about the poisoned music. I actually got as far as figuring out where I wanted all the characters to be at the end of it, but I ran out of motivation pretty quickly so there's only this WIP stuff and the intro part written in the end.)
Ahh not sure who to tag when it comes to writing stuff. I know @roseofcards90 and @floofiestboy write some stuff? And anyone else who sees this who writes, feel free to consider yourself tagged ^^
#I'll be honest. I don't think I'm going to ever post fully for any variation of this fandom because I'm not into it enough anymore#and honestly need to rewatch at some point but also (and this is the big thing) the fandom is just too big it lowkey intimidates me#so sticking to lc methinks which I have a couple of ideas for but haven't been able to actually put anything down#I really want to go into my take on cxs and ql's relationship because I've done something for ql and lg + lg and cxs now#but I kinda think my view on the whole thing isn't exactly the same as the main agreed view on the eng fandom side#like. ql said to ltx she considers cxs a sibling but as for if she'd say that to his face? as for if anyone else considers them siblings?#I think it's complicated (and I mean ql never got ostracised like cxs did) and also cxs's parents factor in to some extent#anyway! I'm tangenting. thanks again for the tag! this had me looking at my more recent stuff for comparison which was interesting#ask meme#miyamiwu#also argh I'm looking at this stuff again and it's like I can do the end lines for impact but the stuff before that is so messy#and also. I keep saddling every character I write with some form of anxiety which works for some characters but not all#I need to either figure out another approach or just write loid forger pov 'til the end of time :V
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Travelling with Martin the second time is more an ordeal than it was the first.
Thereâs the Blades tagging along with them, now, with their elaborate plans and zealous concern; every time any one of them takes a step they rattle like tin cans, so loudly that if any of the cult is trying to track them down itâs a wonder theyâre not all gutted already. Then thereâs all the extra bits the Blades insist on â like tents, which Pax is by no means opposed to but slows them down ridiculously, always needing to be set up at night and taken down first thing in the morning, or the horses, which speed them up but Pax resents, all the same. (They always need breaks to rest or eat or what have you, and riding for too long sets them aching to hell, their legs and hips and stomach all quavering with exertion. Pax rides the same horse they found halfway through their first journey with Martin, and she is getting more familiar than she ever wanted to be with its little snorts and stomping gestures. Martin keeps patting it on the nose whenever theyâre down on the ground again. Martin rides the paint horse, too â itâs two to a steed, plus bags, which Pax knows would be enough to snap their spines like dried-out twigs but of course the Blades have spelled saddles. Feathered, Martin says, like Pax has any idea what that means.) They all spend as much of the day riding as they can without the horses withering away and dropping dead, unable to divert at all from the roads without riding face-first into a tree branch, the Blades getting all serious and severe at any passing glimpse of another traveller, or the edge of a town, or a suspicious-looking boulder. Itâs fucking exhausting. Maybe if theyâd dressed Martin in something less impractically fancy, and left their glittering armour behind, they wouldnât all be so conspicuous. Pax is the only one here with any sense.
In Blackwood, the trees donât sprawl so low down; you can ride horses well off the road as long as youâre careful of the muck. For the first leg of the first trip with Martin, they didnât have horses at all â they both just walked, past razed fields and empty buildings, the span of land around Kvatch near entirely abandoned, scrounging what they could and sleeping wherever they wanted. They couldnât proper restock on supplies until they hit Skingrad â certainly didnât have tents or armour that reflects every whisper of starlight so bright it blazes, and they were fine. It all feels unnecessary. And annoying. This close to the end, all the little extra things to pay attention to make Pax want to jump out of his skin.
Because they are close to the end. Theyâre in the denouement, now.
The Blades set up a watch routine, too â everyone crawls into their superfluous tents and leave one person up to keep an eye out, until they wake the next person for their turn, and so forth. Pax hasnât done watch shifts like this since he left Blackwood. (It doesnât really work, when youâre alone. Besides, he wakes easy, and he goes to sleep quick. Martinâs bad at it, so swapping watch back and forth when they were together just would have left him confused or lethargic the next day. Not worth the bother.) Pax gets watch shifts, most nights, set in the dark hours just before the sun rises; Martin, though he asks, doesnât get any. Pax usually wakes him up, instead of whoever else sheâs supposed to. It isnât like he has anything he needs to be especially well-rested for â just sitting on a horse in an enchanted double saddle, same as the rest of them, his too-long hair getting in his face, careful arms loops around Paxâs middle. He wonât even take a turn to direct the bloody thing, because he still hasnât learned how â the fact that heâs never managed to fall off is a damned miracle, honestly.
So she wakes him up, if the Blades wonât â and she doesnât usually go back to sleep, right after, because there doesnât seem all that much point. They both stay up, around whatever burnt-down firepit was constructed in the night, the small tents arrayed around them; the leaves of the trees rustle, flickered through by some small animal, owl or bat or squirrel living in a hollow. Crickets chirp, loud and endless. It would probably be peaceful, if it could be, but Pax is keyed up, taut as a bowstring ready to snap, and he canât really remember how to feel peaceful anymore. Theyâre getting ever-closer to the capital and the temple and the end of this whole strange, terrifying thing, and he wants it over and done with instead of lurking in this strange in-between space. Theyâve all done so much to fix this and none of it will feel like any kind of accomplishment until the fires are lit and the Gates closed and sealed beyond reopening. Itâs almost, almost, almost done â but itâs not the end yet, and in the quiet night all there is to do is waiting, and Pax, antsy, irritable, is very, very bad at waiting.
Martinâs better at it. Which isnât to say heâs not nervous â heâs all nerves, even more than normal, which is really saying something â but heâs patient, and doesnât complain, even though Pax knows he wants it over just as much as they do. Probably more. (Definitely more.) He just sits, in the dark and the dew, all quiet and watchful in just his undershirt and warm wool trousers, and even those are fancy, all fine-sewn and slippery as water to the touch. They wear oddly on him. He keeps the Amulet tucked under his clothes, cold metal setting against bare skin, and the red gleam beneath his shirt makes it look, at certain angles, like his heart is glowing.
The fire is well out; no owls call. Pax lies, in their own much less swish sleeping-things, in the dirt and grass, all of it wet so thoroughly with dew that it soaks the back of their tunic. Through the silhouettes of leaves and branches, they can just make out the lustre of the stars.
The old Emperor talked an awful lot about stars, when Pax met him; she wonders, vaguely, what heâd make of these ones.
Thereâs a shifting, up nearer the firepit; and, âPax?â Martin whispers, sound half-swallowed by the still, drifting night. âAre you awake?â
âItâs sopping wet,â Pax replies. He props himself up on his elbow and turns his head; Martinâs got a lantern lit, and itâs just enough to make out his face by. âEven Iâve got my limits.â
Martin exhales; Pax knows heâs smiling because they can see the dim white gleam of his teeth. Itâs not too cold a night â theyâve travelled far enough from Bruma to be clear of its sodden snow and ice and winds â but itâs not warm, and the wet fabric plastered to their back is chill enough to make them shiver. The stars, up above, shine cold and clear.
âI was wondering,â Martin says, voice still hushed; his eyes flicker up to the snatches of sky between the tree branches, too. âWhat will you do, when all this is done?â
Itâs a perfectly reasonable question; Pax realises, quite abruptly, that doesnât have an answer. She sits up, shuffles awkwardly over the dewy grass. âI donât know,â she says slowly; she shrugs. âGo back to the roads, I sâpose. Get some venturing work. Join a guild, maybe, if I get bored.â
(They havenât thought about it; theyâve been busy. A part of them â quite a large part, if theyâre being honest â kind of wishes the Crisis would never end, one way or the other. Wishes it would keep on in this sort of suspended state forever. But it wonât, and it canât, and it would be ridiculous to say as much. Just â theyâve never done anything this exciting, before. And they donât really know anything that could measure up, once itâs done.)
(Pax has never really been one to plan for the future. Back in Blackwood, he didnât have to; he knew heâd just run with the same crew he always had, and he learned only from them. Learned letters and archery and what dregs of mage-craft he had any aptitude for â learned to scamp on the roads and crack locks reasonably well. And then he left, and became a hero, and thatâs a good occupation in itself, but itâs not going to last forever. Heâs not sure what his other options are â he could try to work square, but he doesnât think it would last. Heâs not one suited to an apprenticeship, or an honest job, or much of anything, really. The only thing he really knows is this.)
In the lanternlight, the shadows are so stark that Martinâs face looks creased with ink. âOh? What guild? Fighters? Thieves?â
âThievesâ Guild wouldnât take me,â Pax tells him loftily; they wriggle a bit closer, goose-pimples rising on their shins. âThey donât like independent operators, and Iâve been one since I was born.â
Martin clucks his tongue. âYou canât say things like that around me, Pax. Iâll have to have you arrested.â
âLike you could,â Pax tells him, grinning, and leans over about as far as she can reach to elbow him. She has to lever herself back up, afterwards. The watery-pale stars are winking at her.
Martin is looking up at them again. âThereâs always work for a hero, Iâm sure,â he says, and waves a hand. âYouâll have endless people to save and feats of derring-do to perform. Perhaps you could write an autobiography.â
âHa.â Martinâs received their letters, sent on longer stretches away from Cloud Ruler; heâs read their writing, their chicken-scratch hand and the less than delicate way they pick their words. Pax is fine enough as a communicator; they get to the point quickly and clearly. But metaphor and flowery prose is rather beyond them. And theyâve seen the speech Martin gave in Bruma, the endless editing of his drafts, debate over this word or that. âYou know youâre the better writer of the two of us, Martin Priest. Reckon you should pen our book.â
Martin tips his head further back. âI wasnât even there for most of the interesting parts,â he points out, âand Iâm sure to be far too busy, besides.â His eyes are closed. Pax shunts themself another bit across the grass.
âOh, Iâm sure you can take a half-hour every evening to scribble out a few paragraphs in your four-poster bed and your kingliest pyjamas,â he says, unsympathetic, and flicks him in the shoulder. âWith a silk canopy, and duckling-down blankets, and a pen nib of solid gold.â
âAll right, all right.â Martin opens his eyes; they look grey, in the dim light, the orange lanternlight flickering off their whites. He reaches out an arm, and Pax rolls his eyes but shuffles damply into it all the same. âI suppose I have no choice.â
His arm, settled around their shoulders, is heavy-warm. Pax leans their shoulder into his ribs, under his armpit. This close, they can see the faint gleam of the Amulet through his undershirt. Quiet, they ask, âStill nervous?â
Without missing a beat, Martin replies, âExcruciatingly.â
Heâs always nervous. But on this, Pax canât even really make fun of him for it â if someone told her that she was the heir to the whole Empire, and tried to thrust her into court to take it all over, sheâd tell them to eat shit. If the fate of the world depended on it, though, that wouldnât really be an option anymore. And Martinâs too nice, most of the time, to tell anyone to eat shit. And Martinâs too nervous not to take every bit of it so painfully seriously. Not just the world-ending bit, but all the etiquette and legalese, too. Jauffre gave him some books to read to try to acquaint himself with it all; none of them seemed to help much.
âYouâll be fine,â Pax says, and leans their head on his shoulder, the post of their earring jabbing into the skin behind their ear. They gesture out at the silhouetted tents. âYouâve got all this lot, and the Elder Council â theyâll help you out. If they wonât let you take a piss by yourself theyâll definitely be there to assist with the stuff thatâs actually important.â Martin exhales; itâs almost a laugh. The earring is beginning to hurt quite badly, so Pax lifts their head. âBesides, youâre trying. You want to get it all right. Thatâs more than some would do.â
âThank you, Pax,â Martin says, and then theyâre both quiet.
The stars above look watery-dim. The silhouettes of trees have slightly more dimension. Martin is pressing his palm, fingers splayed, to the smooth-cut bump of the Amulet under his shirt. Pax is still shivering, a bit â lying her whole back down in the dew was a bad idea. Now sheâll have to wear her one other tunic and hope this one dries out in time not to wet everything else in the bags.
âI hope,â Martin says, voice silver-soft in the dark, âthat when youâre out roaming, shocking everyone with your valour and intrepidity, youâll come to visit a great deal. You wonât have the excuse of being out saving the world anymore.â
Pax leans her shoulder harder into his ribs. âOnly if youâre not boring when Iâm there,â she replies. âYou wonât have the excuse of saving the world either.â
âNo,â Martin says. âIâll be running it instead.â
Already, the stars are beginning to snuff themselves out, like candle-lights; in half an hour or so, the sky will start to lighten properly. The Blades will all wake, springing up like little clockwork puppets, and the tents will be packed up, and the horses saddled â theyâre tied on slack ropes to trees down the other end of the clearing, and now, if Pax squints, he can just make them out â and then the day will begin, the timer trickling down.
Pax wets his lips. âThree more days,â he says. âThereabouts.â
Then theyâll reach the city.
Martin breathes out, slow. âThen Iâll really be Martin Septim.â
The Amulet glows under his shirt, royal-red, rising and dimming like a heartbeat. If Pax hadnât been arrested, that day â by chance, for one of the few robberies they actually didnât commit â then they wouldnât have been taken to the gaol, dribbling blood all over the floors, antagonising the guards trying to mark them down in the records, and they wouldnât have ended up in that dust-coated cell with the shitty neighbour across the way, and the old Emperor would never have glanced at them twice, and the door never would have opened, and they wouldnât be here.
Pax is not one for gratitude, generally, but they have never been so thankful to be falsely imprisoned in their life.
âMy census nameâs Camilla Patesco,â he says.
Heâs looking at the first watery dregs of dawn in the sky, not at Martinâs face; but he can hear the smile in his voice when he replies, âI wonât tell anyone.â
#FAY WRITING JUMPSCARE.#I don't know if this is any good honestly - it's a rewrite of an old piece and I wrote it too recently to be able to judge#but it's been forever since I posted anything so. I'll toss it up regardless#because I have been thinking about them a great deal#I should get to posting all the fucked up miserable stuff. it's been in my docs for ages#I need to get on that#anyway#hope you enjoy!#the elder scrolls#tesblr#tes#oc tag#pax#martin septim#oblivion#microfic#my writing#fay writes#two weirdos. sitting in the dewy dark. what weird little conversations will they have
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