#I think I might take a break from tumblr for a while
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I have waited a long time to write this. I have actively resisted writing this, hoping that, given enough time, it would no longer be necessary. Iâd hoped that, given enough time, people would move on, that my own anger would subside.
But they have not moved on. My own anger has not passed. A dear friend of mine by the name of Werewolfsister was horribly treated, and she faced a constant wall of passive aggression to the point that she had to leave entirely.
Both parties have had their say. Now I will say mine. And you might think âOh god, just let it die,â to which I reply âwhy are a select few allowed a platform while others are scolded to oblivion?â
I was a third party to this situation who found out, almost as suddenly as my friend, that my presence was unwanted. So to those who publicly picked or âââdidnt pickâââ a side, I saw a lot of hate towards the friend I do support. And I don't care for it.
With werewolfsister's permission, I am making this a partner to their post. I am not as organized in telling events down to the date, but I am confident in my ability to provide proof where it is necessary.
Iâll start with the basic accusation: Tumblr user kenneduck has claimed that werewolfsister forced them to adapt their trauma into the latterâs comic, Labor of Love. Further, the accuser has claimed that a majority of the story, including a majority of characters, by default including my own, also belonged to Kenneduck.
From her October 12, 2024 post:
With that, let me turn to my own perspective. Let me preempt this by stating that the following information is from my own private conversations with kenneduck. Whether she has shown this information to others or dispensed with it entirely, I do not know. Screenshots supplied will also be the only ones I post out of respect to kenneduck, as the conversations they stem from were often extremely personal.
In mid-September, kenneduck approached me on Discord, stating that they and werewolfsister would work on the comic separately. Werewolf would continue the main story, and kenneduck would be given space to draw specific scenes for Kenne the Zora in a way they saw fit.
By this point, werewolfsister had gone on multiple breaks, preemptively announcing that they would not be speaking to anyone during them. This caused kenneduck to worry, at which point they came to me conveying their worries. I assured them that it was likely simply stress from working on the comic, possibly complicated by other factors we did not know at the time. They then confided in me that they worried they were the cause of pushing werewolfsister away. Kenneduck then informed me that their (kenneduckâs) desire to include personal experiences via Kenne the Zora was taking a toll on their (kenneduckâs) own mental well-being.
I was told by kenneduck themself that Kenne the Zora was given a particular backstory to help process their (kenneduckâs) thoughts on a real life event. When kenneduck disclosed this connection to Kenne the Zora, werewolfsister explicitly decided they could NO LONGER draw this character, as it was so closely tied to something so personal. As explained by Kenneduck, this comic separation was a compromise: it was meant to give kenneduck the freedom to process this event in their own way.
Kenneduck informed me that their (kenneduckâs) circle of friends agreed with werewolfsisterâs decision, and that they (said friends) had asked kenneduck to step away as this was causing kenneduck to over think on the matter. Kenneduck informed me they (kenneduck) had not realized they were putting werewolfsister into this situation by having werewolfsister draw Kenne the Zora in the comic.
Upon learning this, I made the offer to speak to werewolfsister on kenneduckâs behalf, and encouraged them to reach out to werewolfsister as well. Kenneduck declined both plans of action, which I understood at the time as it can be scary to perform either one.
I then attempted to do a wellness check on werewolfsister, pointedly avoiding any information kenneduck shared to me. At present, I wince at the timing, because the day after this, werewolfsister announced they would be leaving the zora Discord we mutually participated in. This is no oneâs fault: when under high stress, you gotta do what you must to take care of yourself.
Near the start of October, kenneduck approached me a second time, during which I still had no news to relay to them. Armed with slightly better understanding regarding why the comic split was occurring, I encouraged kenneduck, saying that werewolfsister was not acting out in anger.
^ Context: the âdrama postâ in question was werewolfsister responding to other peopleâs demands for greater representation of their own characters and insinuated charges of favoritism. Kenneduck made their own post to back werewolfsister up; to the best of my knowledge, this post has since been deleted. The only posts of its former existence are Werewolfsister's comment in their original post and an exchange between Kenneduck and I.
^ Context: I relayed that werewolfsister wasn't replying to comments I made on their page either. I suggested that werewolfsisterâs lack of activity wasnât out of spite, as they queued their pages up most of the time.
^ Context: We discussed what kenneduckâs friends told them about respecting werewolfsisterâs decision to split the comic. Kenneduck made a few posts in our group chat at the time, apologizing for over-sharing personal information. This was one of the instances of kenneduck explicitly saying in private, to me, that they were adapting their own trauma for Kenne the Zora and the comic.
Everything I learned about werewolfsister's decision to split the comic came explicitly from Kenneduck. Kenneduck had nothing untoward to say about werewolfsister in these conversations.
Nothing else was said on the matter. Our last exchanges were quite positive; we shared pictures of our cats, they showed me an awesome Bluey plush, and she was sharing progress on a Sidon/Link/Yona piece they were doing. Kenneduck expressed -- what I thought at the time was -- genuine concern for Werewolfsister. Kenneduck also discussed going on their own break to think on how to approach Kenne the Zora's role in the comic.
Days later, I found an announcement via reblog from werewolfsister that kenneduck would not be completing Kenne the Zoraâs section of the comic. This was understandable. Werewolfsister then announced they would continue the story, and do their best to do so without shining light on those issues that vexed kenneduck.
Then a switch flipped.
This is when Kenneduck made their post accusing werewolfsister of forcing Kenneduck into using their trauma. All of a sudden, werewolfsister never ASKED for their permission, and that they needed to take the comic down because her trauma was on full display.
Werewolfsister was not the only one blocked and removed. I was also removed from kenneduckâs friend list on Discord. Werewolfsister later discovered kenneduckâs side of their chats were deleted. I assume that's why I was removed as well.
This has been extremely upsetting, especially considering everything was kept private until kenneduck spoke up with a different story. Worse, when werewolfsister spoke up in their own defense, suddenly they were the bad guy for âmaking this publicâ. They were blocked. People told them they were no longer allowed to draw their OCs. Someone came to me to insult them, warning âYour characters are going to get ruined too!â
It's not cool.
None of this is cool.
Before this accusation, I had nothing negative to say about kenneduck. I had sympathy towards what they were feeling, and encouraged them to be cautious before sharing personal information. As I said to kenneduck at the time, communication between the two may have helped, but the decision was done. Werewolf's decision to separate the comic did hurt kenneduckâs feelings, but kenneduck themself acknowledged it was for the best as it was for the sake of their mental health and safety. I was given the impression kenneduck accepted and respected werewolfsisterâs decision.
From this:
To this:
And one is always welcomed to change their minds. You should always be safe to revoke your consent on something. However, Kenneduck made the decision to broadcast to a public audience with a story entirely different from what was shared with me in private. I don't use this phrase lightly: they weaponized their trauma against werewolfsister.
And it worked.
Werewolfsister has been ostracized ever since. I've suffered blowback myself. Since then, werewolfsister and I have talked about doing our best to press on, but the atmosphere has changed. People who followed or even interacted with us have changed.
It sucks.
Folks prefer to keep quiet and avoid drama. Thatâs fine when it involves discourse on shipping or which characters are loved or hated. But this deals with deeply personal issues brought into the open, and the actions have affected actual people's lives.
If anyone wants to point fingers then point them at me.
Werewolfsister and I spoke more often after kenneduck made their accusation. Theyâve stressed over how to finish the comic. Whether they were going to get more hate for doing so. If I was going to get more harassment just by associating with her. In the end, it was my suggestion that werewolfsister continue the rescue arc of the story. I suggested they either make kenneduckâs characters unrecognizable by darkening their silhouettes OR replacing them with new OCs, but I felt the latter might be disrespectful as it might somehow be interpreted as erasing Kenne the Zoraâs presence. I helped write parts of Denouement and gave ideas for the epilogueâs ending.
I say this to waylay any more opinions of how werewolfsister was erasing or ruining specific characters because yes, with months separating their last cameo, werewolf STILL received requests to âno longerâ use other playersâ OCs as though theyâre going to twirl their mustache and ruin said characters for all time.
If you're reading this, I'm not here to stir the pot. This is why it's under a cut: if you're reading this, it's because you chose to.
I'm also not telling people to pick sides. People will follow who they want to follow. That's their prerogative. Kenneduck will live their life and I hope they heal. They will find more friends, who I hope they treat with more kindness and honesty than they did werewolfsister. People will have their opinions, and you can't change minds with posts like these.
But people got hurt by this. Malicious intent was directed at one person, and others followed the example they set.
To anyone who follows me, who has made the decision that werewolfsister is a liar and a manipulator, unfollow me as well. Block me. I don't want anything to do with this two-faced behavior. If kenneduck says what werewolfsister did is true, why havenât they said the same of me? I was literally in the middle of this.
^ Here I am, spitballing with kenneduck about how Kenne the Zora might be affected by the plot!
Here are other moments where I'm sketching with kenneduck about how Kenne the Zoraâs traumas may be affected by the plot!Â
Exactly as they did with werewolfsister! How is this any different?
Should these conversations have been kept private? Absolutely, and before kenneduck loosed their accusations, they were. But you can't announce neutrality in something you're not personally involved in, then treat one side badly and act all morally superior because yOuâVe DoNe A sErViCe.
I originally thought I could keep neutral by staying quiet. I can't, because it would be wrong of me to. People have treated my friend like some villain who is chomping at the bit to destroy their OCs ever since this was made public. For six whole months werewolfsister has been doing free gift art without so much as a thanks from the majority. I am so angry about that. People were excited about receiving her, again, FREE ART - then a public statement by the recipient of six months of free gift art soured the joy of gift art altogether, subjecting us to an atmosphere of âYou can't use my character because you'll ruin them! It makes me uncomfortable!â
You know, Iâm not just upset at kenneduck. I'm just as upset at how easily it was for other people here to turn on a dime. For people to proudly say âGlad I'm not part of thisâ and still take sides.
A community involves active work to make people feel welcome. It requires courage to communicate, to find ways to keep the peace with its members, and make sure the community remains a safe space for those within it.
What I saw instead was a popular individual of the fandom using their platform to isolate another. I saw people follow that behavior and they made it known to werewolfsister and I that we were not welcome in this space. That we need to stay in the farthest corner possible and leave everyone alone.
That is clique behavior.
This is not a community. We're definitely not in this together; the majority of people here have been clear on that. The messages sent to me as of late have been clear on that.
There's no debate here: prior to werewolfsister's decision, there was NO animosity between the two. Werewolfsister made a choice she believed would keep her own mental health protected and did her best to respect kenneduckâs.
And for some reason Kenneduck decided to tell a different story, and everyone was content with not hearing our side. When harassment and bullying is happening, it's expected for people to stay quiet about it because it's no one else's problem. We didn't want to cause a fuss so we kept quiet and kept our opinions under read moreâs so as not to offend others. I was told when I spoke up about those anons it kept people from wanting to join werewolfsisterâs epilogue project because they were also afraid of being harassed. This is why I said there's no community here.
I have experienced harassment in fandom spaces before, and it can be awful, especially when you're led to believe you're alone. But just because I'm experienced doesn't mean these situations hurt any less. This has started to make me spiral in ways I don't want to go back to. I had to go to the ER because the stress was becoming too much that I was showing symptoms akin to a heart attack.
If anyone feels isolated or depressed due to such behaviors please PLEASE reach out to someone. To others, if you see a friend struggling, please lend them your support before it gets to a dangerous point. If you can't find help in the spaces you frequent there is always help in some form.
Werewolfsister decided to leave the fandom space as well as tumblr entirely because of this clown show. I won't be posting on my Tides blog for a while, if at all, because I give up. So congratulations, your precious OCs are FINALLY safe!
Many may not consider werewolfsister as a friend, or even as a kind person, so you better stop looking at me as one too, because I've been mirroring her values since meeting her. I don't care about your opinions on who is right, that you don't like my art, how you're better at dealing with drama, or that you won't follow me. It takes zero effort to NOT be an asshole.
Let me have my peace. My dear friend is gone, so leave me alone too.
My absence will be of no loss to you.
#personal#to be safe#tw: suicide mention#I normally say im sorry for sounding mad BUT IM NOT SORRY#I SPENT EIGHT HOURS IN ER YESTERDAY BECAUSE THIS FIASCO HAD ME SO STRESSED OUT#I AM MAD AS HELL!!!!#and if anyone goes ''well thats just tumblr for you'' or ''thats why you block people'' SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT#everyone LOVES to say community this and community that but if you're afraid to say anything in fear of being harassed SOMETHING IS WRONG!!#YOU SHOULD NEVER BE SILENT WHEN YOU ARE HARASSED MAKE A FUSS LET PEOPLE KNOW THIS ISNT RIGHT#this is a scheduled post I am away because i need to recuperate BADLY#I REFUSE to compromise my health any longer to make sure everyone else doesnt have to think about the ''negativity''
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just read the ask and actually itâs nice to see you donât disapprove of fem sirius. i knew you had written fem sirius fic but, i canât be sure if i saw the same post as the anon said but, i too thought lately youâre aggressively against sirius being fem whenever iâve seen you agreeing with some people saying sirius âhave toâ be tank, given it seems like the people in this fandom particularly wolfstar folks are kinda weak on their own thoughts like someone says fem sirius is wrong and heteronormative then people start to shit on it although the same people like it just a few minutes ago. i thought youâre the similar case - liked fem sirius, but hate now it as youâve been influenced by other people. glad itâs not since i was a big fan of the only living boy in ny.
Okay, so. Again, I'm not sure where I have been "aggressively" against anything except outright bullying. If you're referencing the post I commented on yesterday by @theresthesnitch, the post literally said "Give me tank Sirius" which is in no way AGAINST fem Sirius. It is simply someone stating a want to read a particular thing. No different than saying "give me a coffee shop AU."
I'm sure this post wasn't intended to be rude, but I haven't "been influenced by other people." I write whatever I want and right now, that is Sirius as a big dude (and just fyi, Remus is referenced as being "just as tall").
Again, the only opinion I have on this is LET PEOPLE WRITE WHAT THEY WANT. if I want to write Sirius as a slender figure skater, I will. If I want to write Sirius as a guy with an imposing stature, I will. That's all there is to it.
#I got an ask#I am sure you didn't mean this to be taken rudely#And I am sorry if I am responding in kind#But I really don't like people making assumptions about me#I think I might take a break from tumblr for a while#Take home message#Let people write whatever they want
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It's amazing how quickly you can make someone turn on your company by making a stupid and insulting move
Force me to go through the front door and scan my card when I have backdoor business that never needed a card before (what? ...I was going to somehow... sneak in and... purchase things with a borrowed card? ...which I totally can't do from the front door after scanning it?)
Or like... twitterify your layout right after your users give you a bunch of money just cause they like you, and then refuse to walk it back
...or all the other things companies do that just kinda piss people off and then they refuse to acknowledge maybe it sucks and is stupid cause "hey, the customers didn't leave"... yeah... yet
#legit; as small as it is it gives me a hint at the direction things will head and that costco will get more and more anti consumer#and I'm in minutes going from an 'I love costco; it's how I afford to eat; go get a cheap pizza'#to 'you know costco is kinda frustrating and annoying and I don't trust their ceo... I'm not sure if it's worth your time and money'#like look back and; tumblr search willing; you'll find posts of me singing costco's praises; literal free advertising#cause while it's not right for everyone; man is it so much cheaper than places like walmart#but... I legit don't know if I can recommend it anymore#for one thing; when I signed up I just spotted the members desk; walked in the backdoor up to the desk; and gave them money#now... what? you gotta ask permission? I feel like there's a chilling effect on wanting to join... at least for my socially anxious ass#and again; I just whiff this as like when games companies add DRM that breaks the game... for people who actually pay for it#they're making me suffer a pain in the ass for no reason cause someone might not be giving them money#and now that person never will give them money... and frankly... if they don't pay the membership but spend $500 how much did you lose?#but like I said; I feel it in the air; that costco will start doing more and more anti consumer stuff#...do I think it's a good idea to join up when they're gonna slowly start turning this corner?#I mentioned that quote by the founder about killing them if they raise the price of the hotdog#but... the fact the founder felt the need to say that to begin with told me something#kinda gotten the impression that the ceo is greedy as hell and wants to drain the consumer (so... a normal ceo)#and this just smacks of netflix/disney#oh... did you hear about disney killing someone with a food allergy despite being told about it multiple times like when the dish arrived?#and now disney is trying to forced arbitrate cause they had a disney+ trial in 2019#you hear about that one? cause that's a real news story; I'll find you an article if you don't believe it#anyway; this smacks of cracking down on password sharing to make up for hypothetical lost revenue#and let me tell you... if I could switch to pirating my groceries I would; I would download eggs#so this doesn't change costco fundamentally; but it does make it feel more hostile and like it doesn't trust me#it makes things feel more adversarial instead of like a partnership where they get me good prices on good things and I give money#and I just wouldn't be surprised if they start doing more things I don't like#things that make things worse... things like raising prices to increase their profit#...makes me want to... work on figuring out how to make everything myself since no company is trustworthy#they'll all turn on you in the end; the moment the wrong person takes charge they'll start to metastasis#towards the cancer of infinite profits#not saying don't go to costco... I'm saying don't get attached if you do; I think they're ready to do what every company does these days
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alright since I'm not going to bed anyway, might as well do another. rolled a 2, that's conman in a bottle
wip wednesday game
Peter, conversely, still got called a gold-digger by the kind of people who sneered at anyone whose blood wasnât downright azure. An occupational hazard of marrying into nobility; if Peter was ever bothered by it, he kept that irritation firmly under lock and key.Â
Which had been a little frustrating to discover, since that would have been an eminently exploitable flaw. But Neal had to respect him for it.
#finx writes#I think I might just keep doing this tomorrow#scroll tumblr while I take a break from work? no!#I will write three sentences of something instead#it's just enough to feel like a bit of progress while not being so much that it feels like a commitment#and also just enough to fit one (1) complete thought#I don't need to come up with two things to say#I can just say one thing and move on#say the next thing the next time the die so decrees#not always the move tbh but tonight at least it's great#really takes the pressure off
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Hm. I am getting the distinct feeling that either revanced broke or some apps are doing smth real shitty
#rat rambles#anyways guess who's youtube completely stopped working#It's fine I can watch on browser but it's still very annoying#And the tumblr thing is even more annoying hense why I've been like completely off of tumblr recently#Maybe the universe is telling me to take an Internet break but like I have just been starting to feel a bit better#My family got a new dog the other day btw not relevant to the rest of this post but her name is karla and she's a very anxious doggy#I'm just waiting for laundry rn so that's why I'm posting at all lol#Might have to switch to posting from my laptop soon if things don't get unfucked#Which wouldnt be the end of the world but sure as hell would be annoying#Idk maybe it'll motivate me to finally make a proper blog theme#Idk what Id do for a blog theme tho tbh#An oni theme would be rly fun but it would also probably age poorly (as in the second I get into smth new)#So maybe an oc theme?#That could be fun#Not sure what characters Id use but maybe mascot and/or midas#Idk but chances of me actually doing it anytime soon are slim#Rly if I'm gonna customize anything more it's gonna be my toyhouse page#Oh also good news I'm going to do a pet sitting job for my aunt and uncle at some point#It'll be like 3 weeks I think and I'll be getting paid 700 buckeroos if I'm remembering correctly#I already have a lot of thoughts of how I'm going to spend it even if I should probably try to save at least some of it#There's just a lot of ppl who could use that money more and better than me and I don't wanna be stingy during times like this#I have also might buy like a new game since I've been interested in playing smth new#There has been one game I've been eyeing for a while and I have a mutual who likes it a lot but idk if I'm ready for new blorbos yet#But oldie or whatever her name was calls to me. She tempts me so#I'm open to other game recommendations tho just know that I'm gonna be picky on more story heavy games#Again I'm not exactly on the hunt for new blorbos rn and getting new story hyperfixations is scary to me lol
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Retelling The Hobbit Chapter 16: The Song of the Lonely Mountain First chapter / Previous / Next
To view full comic: Webtoon/A03Â / Tumblr post with links to all chapters
Other blogs: TikTok/Instagram/Tumblr Sideblog
*crumbles into dust after finishing this* Thank you for reading! This The Hobbit webcomic adaptation thing takes a lot of effort to put together and I canât tell you how much I appreciate every comment. I also really appreciate the people whoâve spread the word of this comic to their friends! <3
And finally, weâre at the Song of the Lonely Mountain! Within Tolkienâs canon, The Hobbit is an in-universe book that was âwrittenâ by Bilbo Baggins, who occasionally lies/embellishes/exaggerates things. The tonal differences between The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings are explained by Bilbo and Frodo/Sam being different kinds of storytellers, with different relationships to âthe truth.â This idea is the core of how Iâm adapting the novel! Bilbo is an unreliable narrator who is literally âdrawingâ from his own limited experiences; the different art styles reflect the different perspectives of other characters.  The âdwarf art styleâ in this chapter is inspired by stonework/metalwork in generalâ but especially by a mix of art deco, Celtic art, and European folk art.Â
The central tension of the comic is between Bilbo and Thorin, who each have wildly different ideas about what kind of story theyâre in. Thorin is in a grand fantasy epic, while Bilbo is in a lighthearted childrenâs book adventure. The tragedy is, obviously, that only one side of the story ever gets to be fully told.
On a sillier note, a few years ago I had my first gay crush on a lesbian who sang while playing the piano. This chapter is dedicated to the piano lesbian. I hope theyâre doing well, wherever they are. XD
I think I might need a bit of a break but Iâm hoping for the next chapter, titled âDawn,â to arrive on January 13th. And your comments/support really do help motivate me to get more done! ^_^
#lotr#the hobbit#bagginshield#the hobbit comic#retelling the hobbit#lord of the rings#thorin oakenshield#bilbo baggins#YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET#anyway *crumbles into dust*#the slowest burn bagginshield fic of all time???#it will become canon in approximately 84 years#i would say its the most high effort fanfic in the hobbit fandom but ive got lots of competition for that#god works hard but Hobbit fans work harder and etc etc#long post
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thoughts on shifting + manifesting with ease. (as someone who's shifted many times, alongside manifesting)
coming back to this side of tumblr after spending years away from it has made me realized how many of you are truly the problem, it might sound kinda harsh but really. so many of you ask the same questions over and over again.. "but HOW do i do it?" "how do i shift" "how do i manifest" JUST DO IT. stop looking for signs, stop looking for methods or "cheat codes". just do it man.
your mind is so powerful and it actually kinda irritates me how many of you doubt it, just because it "seems to easy". you don't understand how you've been manipulated by society to not see your power. how have you been on loa social media, shifting social media, for soooo long â yet still don't see it?? let me tell you..
the moment i got off social media, the moment i took time to erase everything in my head and stop overthinking everything, was the moment everything came to me. i already had it, i just needed to stop telling myself i didn't.
it took me barely any time to get used to convincing myself i had everything i wanted, i shifted to my desired realities, and everything worked out in my favour. AFFIRMING IS ALL YOU NEED. I AM YELLING AT YOU. JUST AFFIRM.
really, please, affirm. the routine is so simple.
1. any bad thought is instantly turned positive.
ex: "i really want her waist"
to
"am i stupid ... i have her waist.. tbh mine even looks a little better.. am i crazy?? like actually? this must be a glitch or something cause my waist is practically identical to hers.. i literally love my waist"
exaggerate, say what you need to say to erase the negativity.
2. it's yours, so act like it..
ex: talk about ur DR normally. it's your reality, not a fantasy land you made up in a dream. ITS REAL. it's a reality. for example, i'd watch videos of my s/o in this reality, and speak about our lives in my dr. "i can't wait to see __ tonight... god i love __, it's so nice hanging out with them everyday.. wow they look so pretty in this video â i'm so lucky their mine". it's natural, they're yours aren't they? exactly, so act like it.. this is used the exact same way when manifesting..
you see someone with something you want? thinking of something you wanna do? something you wanna be? ... it's urs... so can you act like it?? like whyre u feeling sad someone else got a job promotion đšđš you literally got a better one ...
3. that's literally it
you don't need a fancy method (although it can give u some peace of mind.. let's be real, a lot of methods set y'all back and make you overwhelmed, blocking ur beliefs and making everything seem harder). you literally just need to live. tell yourself it's done, over and over again. nothing matters. it's done, it's yours, you have it, you're happy and fulfilled. other peoples sucess should really mean nothing to you negatively. it shouldn't make you stressed, shouldn't make you feel behind.. why would it when you have everything, you can do everything, go anywhere, and you can be anything.
it'll seem like manifesting blogs and shifting blogs just repeat the same things.. which is true, they do, because i'm telling you there's nothing more to it than what you've already read. it is that easy. all it takes is your mind. decide, and tell yourself.
as i said before, it took me barely anytime to switch my mindset once i actually started focusing on myself, my journey and not every body else's results. repeating stuff to yourself WORKS. repeating is literally ALL i did. choose what i want, told myself it's mine in any way i could describe it. and there, it's mine. ive shifted to many different realities, along side gaining a better life in this one after years of convincing myself there was nothing for me. if i can break out of the cycle, trust me you can too. i cannot describe how desperate i was at the beginning, how long i took in false info and wasted time on methods all while doubting every single thing.
so why don't you believe it? you'll sit there and tell yourself over and over again that you're ugly, or broke, or friendless... but you won't tell urself that you've shifted? that you have your dream body...? girl okay i guess....
once you realize nothing besides your mind truly matters, is when you'll be free with yourself. circumstances don't matter, past feelings don't matter, doubts don't matter, your mind is all you need.
yes this is just loa explained longer, that's the point of the post because some of u still can't get it in ur heads
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bestie fwb!mingyu headcanons (nsfw)
summary: kim mingyu and reader's bestie fwb dynamic headcanons :3
contains: 18+ nsfw writing so mdni!! implications that reader is smaller than gyu
⊠svt writing & fic rec masterlist âŠ
bestie!minyu who is just a poor puppy not catching a break from anyone đ especially from you lmao. you're one of his biggest supporters but also biggest teasers. post-concert, you'll be imitating how he's trying to make carats swoon with his charms (the both of you know how proud you are of him <3 you just love seeing him pouty)Â
bestie!mingyu who lets you use his chest as a stress balls. you once said "honk honk" while squeezing them and got your mingyu tiddies card revoked for a weekđ˘
during bestie!mingyuâs night dance practices to finish, he'll come whine to you that "jeonghan hyung is being meanđĽş" or complain about whichever member is pulling jokes on him. he should've known better that youâd be riling him right with them đĽ°
fwb!mingyu who comes home to bury his face in your chest after a long day. you think he's knocked out...only for him to start licking, nipping and sucking marks onto your skin :3
bestie!mingyu who will always provide you delicious mealsđđ is constantly cooking you a something when you come over and has deemed you his official taste tester! if you insist to cook alongside him, he'll refuse. he might let you peel the veggies tho <3
when you go out to eat, bestie!mingyu will always insists on picking up the cheque. since you get pouty about him not letting you pay, he lets u buy the dessert at the convenience stores or cute lil cafes as a compromise
bestie!mingyu who always asks you to take pretty boyfriend pics of him for his carats𼚠ofc you oblige, loving to see his fans fawn over new pictures that you so carefully asking him to pose for Â
fwb!mingyu who begs to eat you out and hits you his 𼺠puppy eyes so you to let him (you were going to anyways)
bestie!mingyu who comes to you for relaxation or advice when he's stressed out of his mind. he lets you pamper him with gentle touches and soothe away his worries with sweet words. you tuck him into your bed so he rests well to tackle the next dayđ
feeling safe enough to initiate touch with bestie!mingyu :) he gives as many piggy backs as you desire as long as you let him bite his fangs into your arm when he's bored 𼰠sits you in his lap in crowded group hangouts. you've insisted that he sit in yours too, but your legs became numb after 5 minutesđđ
good puppy fwb!mingyu whimpering pleads against your neck or between your legs for you give him permission to cum while he ruts against the bed sheets đĽş
always having sleepovers with bestie!mingyu. atp you could be another roommate to the minwon household for how often you're just vibing at their place when they arrive home
fwb!mingyu who got caught sniffing your underwear post sex when you went to get him water. you end up stroking his hair with his head in your lap, jerking him off with your underwear around his cock...but you leave him blue balled as a punishment <3 "oh! i'm late to work, see you later after your tour?đâ
while he's on tour, fwb!mingyu won't have phone sex with you, but leaves you voice notes of the pretty noises he makes jerking off as payback <3
ames note: hi hi! this is my first time writing wooooo~ this was definitely self indulgentđ
i just wanna be friends with mingyu! he seems like the most fun guy to hang out with...and to get dicked down by lmao. i hope y'all enjoyed it and are doing well!! i tried for something gender neutral but i'm not sure if i achieved it? feel free to kindly give feedback <3 Ď(.-âż-)
author note: do not distribute my work on other platforms without my consent. if you see my writing in places other than this tumblr account, please let me know. my writings are purely fictional fantasises for fun. the people i write about are real human beings and should still be treated as such. please do not take my writings seriously or as truth.
#buntanteen writings#kim mingyu x reader#mingyu x reader#mingyu smut#mingyu fluff#seventeen imagines#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#seventeen headcanons#seventeen drabbles#seventeen smut#seventeen fanfic#seventeen scenarios#svt fanfic#svt imagines#svt smut#pls kindly let me know if there are any issues!!
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Happy July 4th, everyone, and good luck to the UK voters out there!
Wow it's Year 11 of doing these!! Here's the AO3 link to the past 10 years, and here's the tumblr link.
Reminder that this is a long game -- some of the judges making decisions were appointed back in the 80s. Many of the cases that were decided this round were from Trump's term. So it's going to take long-term, consistent voting over a decade to start tipping things in the other direction. (Which I talked about in 2018 re: Trump shenanigans and 2022 re: Dobbs).
A lot has been done by the Biden administration (I'm assuming most folks have seen this post by boreal-sea with their very helpful sources), and much of that will be overturned by Trump, especially if he gets the Senate, and especially now that he would have a blank check for anything "official". So let's make sure that doesn't happen.
And even if Trump does get elected, your decisions down-ballot might effect control of the House or Senate, or might make it easier to vote next time, plus the whole plethora of state and local issues. It's Republican state attorney generals who are challenging climate regulations, for example.
Plus, when you really get down to it, only one of the candidates plans on pardoning himself and all his friends if he wins, and attacking the government if he loses. Maybe that guy shouldn't be the President.
If you're new to voting, remember to check voter registration deadlines! I'm a permanent vote-by-mail voter and it's so nice. :)
Transcript under the readmore
Page 1: Sam and Bucky meet up with Steve for a picnic. Steve: Thought you guys were still in Sudan? Bucky: Iâm forcing Sam to take a break.
Sam collapses onto the picnic blanket. Sam: Oof, it just never stops, does it? Steve: Nope.
Bucky hands Sam an orange popsicle. Bucky: Eat and relax for a bit, Sam. Sam: Thanks.
Page 2: Bucky asks Steve: How are things state-side? Steve responds: HORRIBLE. Bucky: I thought youâve been tentatively hopeful about what Biden has been able to achieve? Steve: I was! Student loans, child care, climate regulations, infrastructure, labor, trans rights ⌠heâs quietly done a lot through regulatory improvements and congress bills. But now all people will talk about is how heâs OLD. And then thereâs the Supreme Courtâs decisions ⌠Chevron and immunity⌠Steve puts his head in his hands, while Sam and Bucky look on with some concern.
Page 3: Bucky hands Steve a blue/raspberry popsicle: Steve, take a deep breath, and a popsicle. Sam: Sounds like we missed a lot. Whatâs going on? How bad is it? Steve: Pretty bad. The Supreme Court has made some decisions that give the Court and the President A LOT of discretionary power. Sam: Yikes, that doesnât sound good. Steve: Well, the Chevron thing means that judges with life-term appointments can override policies made by government agencies. And now itâll be harder to hold a President accountable because he will have immunity for any âofficialâ actions.
Page 4: Sam: So if the President tries to, say, overturn a democratic election result, heâll be allowed to as long as itâs in his job description? Steve: I donât think threatening state electors is âofficialâ business, but that will be decided by federal judges. Who get their jobs by approval from both the President and the Senate. Bucky: Yeesh. No wonder youâre stressed. Any good news? Steve: Well, thanks the Biden and the razor-thin Senate majority, the newer bills donât rely on the Chevron deference. Still not great but not catastrophic. Sam, squirting ketchup on his hot dog: So what Iâm hearing is that itâs now more important than ever to have a President and a Senate who you can trust to appoint fair judges, pass bills, and not commit crimes.
Page 5: Steve: Plus all of the state level offices, now that more and more deciding power has been thrown back to the states â abortion, LGBTQ rights, voting access⌠Bucky: Hey, at least this is a big election year so we can actually do something! Steve, with his arms crossed, looking surly: Except that all people want to talk about is how Biden is âtoo oldâ and ânot doing enough,â as if that is on par with Trumpâs desire to dismantle basic rights! As if the candidate who doesnât embody ALL their ideals is not worth voting for! Bucky interrupts with a smart and a loud âPFFT.â
Page 6: Bucky: Um, Steve. YOU were like that in 1940. Sam, nudging Bucky: âOh, this I gotta hear. Spill, Barnes.â In sepia, Steve is pacing around their apartment while Bucky is sitting and reading a newspaper. Steve: I canât believe heâs running for a 3rd term! we need a fresh candidate to vote for! This is hardly a choice at all! AND he refuses to engage in Europe! All of Europe under fascist control and weâre just twiddling our thumbs? Heâs letting millions die through his inaction! Bucky: Most people donât want another war, Steve. If he came out for it, he would lose. Steve, indignant: But Buck, itâs your Polish relative who are in danger! Bucky, closing his newspaper and looking at Steve: Yeah, and between FDR and Willkes, I trust FDR to help if he could.
Page 7: Steve, in sepia, looking away: Should he be encouraged to do more? Maybe I should vote for Browder. The Communists have historically be Anti-Fascist.
Sam interrupts off-screen: Waitaminute! STEVE was going to PROTEST-VOTE? Steve: We were in a Blue State, Sam! Sam: But what about the down ballot races?! Steve: RELAX, I did my due diligence down-ballot. I wanted a senate thatâs more progressive than the President.Voted LaGuardia for Mayor, too. Steve hesitates: Then, when I got to the President⌠I realized that the Best case scenario would be that my vote did nothing, versus if it actually spoiled the election. And when I asked myself who I could trust to work with my Senator⌠well, FDR had a good record with Labor. (sepia shot of young Steve voting) Bucky interrupts: Hold on, Steve.
Page 8: Bucky, eating a cookie, arching an eyebrow: You didnât vote for Browder? Why didnât you tell me? Steve: And have you say âI told you soâ for the next century? Bucky: Heh.
Steve, with hand on his chin: Whatâs weird was that, despite everything, I still felt HORRIBLE when I ticked that box. Sam: Sounds like you built up the meaning of that vote far too much in your head. Logically, we know that a single box canât represent all of the complexity of a whole system, but the desperately WANT it to. Just look at how people have built up so much around the term âZionisâ that itâs made productive conversations difficult.
Page 9: Sam and Steve speak in the background while Bucky reaches into the cooler and pulls out a box. Steve: Sigh. And thatâs something that goes beyond the election. Sam: Which is why we need to vote, AND do other things. Bucky, looking at Steve and Sam: Like how Steve works to push organizations on the local level? Or like all the work you do as Captain America? Sam: Exactly. Vote AND.
Sam looks at Bucky fondly: Like how you vote AND make me and Steve take breaks. Bucky, looking stern because he canât handle compliments: Shush, Sam.
Bucky holds up a cake that has the number â107â on it: Itâs time for cake. Happy Birthday, Steve.
#happy birthday steve#supreme court#election#steve rogers#bucky barnes#sam wilson#11th year holy fuck#mine#my comic#oh hey i'm traveling for the next month so i might be not very responsive#longpost is long but I think everyone has the longpost shrinker by default now?
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Heyyy! Iâm usually a silent tumblr warrior but omg I keep coming up with so many different Auâs in my head. đ Also I love your writing itâs godsent. đ
Tonight I was thinking of Model!Reader x photographer!Remus đđ. Who are like totally obsessed with each other and are always supporting their careers. Remmy getting sooo many candid photos of reader and using them in his portfolio. Along with them both going to each others viewings/ runway shows. I just canât omg so many possibilities ..đĽ˛
~đŞź
this is so. stinking. cute. the second I received this I had to send it to @maladaptiveescapism (my muggle AU queen who gifted us all the beautiful, beautiful man that is chef!sirius) and she came up with the SWEETEST meet cute. thank you for sharing this prompt, lovie!! I hope I did it justice <3
Remus Lupin x fem!reader who ends up being Remus' big break [2.6k words]
CW: fluff, swearing, reader has a dog and he's adorable, meet cute, fame
Remus neednât look in a mirror (or one of the windows of the shops on the street) to know that his nose was pink; he had always been very sensitive to the cold, and it was only exacerbated by his love for it.
It was his favourite time of year; waking up in the morning when the ground was still covered in shimmery frost before turning into a misty fog as the sun poked its way through trees and buildings. The trees and grass were still grasping desperately at the shades of greens that it usually wore, but the leaves - determined in their journey - insisted on turning various shades of oranges, yellows, reds, and browns.
Remus loved them.Â
He also found that people were perhaps their most beautiful when cold - he hardly ever left for his morning walks without his camera, which also meant he left for his morning walks without a pair of mittens or gloves which might impede his ability to control the lens and shutter - and there was something about the cool air that brought out the most beautiful colours in not only the trees, but also of the people.Â
And Remus yearned to capture it.
Heâd found a beautiful elderly man enjoying a mocha outside a small coffee shop who he chatted with for a while before he asked him if heâd be okay to take some pictures. Every crinkle near the corners of his eyes was evidence of laughter and joy, every wrinkle between his brow a testament to years of consideration and thought, every divot around his mouth was a story he shared, a kiss he gave, a meal he enjoyed.Â
Every deep line on the manâs face - Albus had been his name - told a story, and Remus was lucky enough to have captured even a fraction of it with his camera.Â
Remusâ fingers were struggling to thaw out in his pockets as he took the long way home - traversing through the quiet park in the centre of the city which was slowly becoming more lively as the morning wore on and the sun rose higher, though it was still quiet enough for Remus to enjoy.Â
Some days he had more luck than others, not because there was a lack of beautiful people - because there was surely no shortage of that - but rather nothing that inspired Remus to create.Â
Some days it frustrated him, and some days he was able to remind himself he was really doing this for fun and not being paid for his portraits save what small income he made through creator perks on various social media platforms.Â
How nice it would be to get paid for his portraits, though.Â
Remus had paused in his walk to bend over and pick up a disposable coffee cup from the sidewalk to put it in a rubbish bin when he spotted the perfect picture.Â
There was a wrought-iron and wooden slat park bench a few paces away from the footpath in the park sitting in a lone ray of sun that managed to force its way through the treetops as if some deity had placed a spotlight on it to ensure Remus would notice it.
The patch of grass that the sun was kissing was melting into its usual green whilst the grass surrounding it was still its unique combination of dark sage, green, and silver courtesy of the autumn twilight.
A senior looking dog - a border collie, if Remus guessed correctly - attached to a simple red lead seemed to have found himself a good stick for chewing as he basked in the sun, the lead looped gently around the wrist of his person who sat on the bench with a ratty looking paperback in their hand.Â
You were ethereal.Â
You had one hand shoved into a knitted mitten whilst the other held your book, though a second mitten sat ready should you no doubt decide your free hand was too cold and needed to switch. You had multiple layers on and a comfy pair of shoes. Clearly out for a walk yet knowing that your dog did less walking now-a-days and spent more time in sunny spots with a nice stick, you came prepared with a novel to enjoy the transitionary season much the same way Remus did.Â
And you were stunning.
You looked like a sip of warm apple cider, like the trees had parted their branches just to give the sun somewhere to direct its warmth and light, like the sun came out only for the chance of seeing you.
Remus actually took a look around him to see if anyone else was seeing what he was - nothing short of a masterpiece - but the masses appeared wholly unaware that they were in the presence of something hallowed.Â
He lost his nerve more times than he could count as he tried to convince his boots to take him in your direction, to start up the conversation the same way he always did with every other stranger he stopped on the street to take their picture. But this felt different, you were different, you-
âŚwere looking over at him; your dog ceasing to chew on his stick in favour of staring intently at Remus alerting you to the fact that you had an admirer (at best, or a stalker at worst).
To avoid looking like the latter, Remus forced his feet to bring him to you, smiling at you as you marked your place in your book and closed it before offering him a wary smile of your own.Â
âPardon me, Iâm terribly sorry to intrude, but, erm, well-â sodding son of a bitch, stick to the script, âmy name is Remus and Iâm a street photographer, I uhm, I take portraits of people I pass on the street and post them to my socials.â He offered awkwardly as he pulled out his phone - numb fingers nearly dropping it as he raced to try to prove to you he wasnât some creep with a long-distance lens on his camera hanging around public parks - wincing as the end of his sentence lilted up in the form of a question.Â
âI couldnât help but notice you and your dog, here,â he pushed on, said dog still watching him carefully and tilting his head at the end of every one of his sentences, âand you look beautiful- or, rather, it makes a beautiful picture! I, well, I guess I was wondering if youâd mind ifâŚI took your picture?â
And by some absolute twist of fate, you had the good graces to simply smile at him like he wasnât some awkward bumbling fool which only served to make you even more beautiful as you handed him his phone back.
âThatâs really cool, Remus,â you offered, sounding as though you were testing how his name felt forming from your lips as you made eye contact with him, âthank you. Iâd be happy to be your model.â
âBrilliant.â Remus let out with a breath of relief. âNow are you andâŚâ he paused as he gestured toward your companion.Â
âZiggy.â
â...Ziggy a package deal or should I ask him his rates?âÂ
You let out a bubbly laugh which encouraged Ziggy to sit up - albeit slowly due to his age - and cock his head at you.Â
âWhat do you say, Ziggs?â You asked the canine who cocked its head the other way. âDo you want to model too?âÂ
As if the dog knew you were waiting for a response, he let out a polite bark before laying back down.Â
âWell there you have it, Remus; weâre all yours.âÂ
The picture returned to its previous perfection; between you returning to your novel sans one mitten and Ziggyâs focus back to his treasure, Remus was able to capture you exactly how he wanted. You were wearing a soft smile which only grew when Remus nearly bumped into a jogger in an attempt to get a different angle.Â
You held your book to your mouth to hide your laughing as he called a hasty apology to the girl who barely slowed down on his account, and he shot a cute picture of you like that, too; your eyes full of mirth and crinkling at the corners in a quiet laugh at his expense.Â
Remus was infatuated.Â
It felt blasphemous in some way, but Remus had to admit he was very chuffed to have an excuse to join you on your alter bench, pretending as though you leaning into him - for warmth or for a better view of his camera screen, he wasnât sure - didnât make him feel like his heart was trying to exit out of his throat as you sung your praises for the pictures.Â
âRemus.â You hissed as if you really couldnât believe your eyes. âThese are really good! Oh my godâŚâ
Remus chuckled awkwardly as you brought the camera closer to you, ultimately forcing Remus to breathe your air as the camera strap pulled his body closer to yours.Â
âYouâre very talented.â You added earnestly before looking up at him with something akin to awe. âDo you have a portfolio?â
âErm, well,â he mumbled, suddenly very aware that he was nearly on top of a relative stranger in this public park at about 8:30 in the morning, âIâŚsort of? I mean, I have my socials.â
You nodded at him and looked back down at his camera before passing it back to him. âAre you going to post these?âÂ
âIâd very much like to, if youâre okay with that?âÂ
âPlease do.â You agreed readily. âDo you tag people in your portraits?â
Remus nearly snickered as he thought of Albus this morning who seemed completely perplexed by the phone in Remusâ hand let alone by the concept of social media. âSometimes; not everyone I photograph is online. Would you like to be tagged?â
âYes please.â You beamed at him; Remusâ fingers itched to lift his camera back up to capture you like this, too. Fuck, you were beautiful. âMy mumâs always saying she doesnât have nearly enough pictures of me.â
âWell we canât have that.â Remus chuckled as he pulled out his phone and opened the notes app so you could add your Instagram handle.Â
âIt was very nice meeting you, Remus.â You offered, and Remus felt something close to shock at how truly sincere you sounded. âYou should be charging people for that.â You added, gesturing to the camera hanging from his neck.Â
âI could always start now.â He offered in jest, and he was rewarded again by your bubbling laugh; Remus felt nearly torn at having to leave, every shift of your face and expression begging to be photographed, and every muscle in his body begging to do the photographing.Â
But when he offered you a smile and a slightly awkward wave as he walked away - the sound of your laugh still echoing in his mind - he wondered if maybe, in some universe out there, there was a version of him that got to commit every expression that crossed your face - to memory or film, either would suffice.Â
đąđ˘đ¸đąđŁđąđ˘đ¸đąđŁđą
The following day, Remus couldnât escape the office meeting quick enough; his phone buzzing incessantly the last twenty five minutes of the forty five minute planning session - that he was supposed to be taking dutiful notes throughout - burning a hole through his trouser pocket and into the muscle of his thigh.Â
35 missed calls from Sirius.
12 missed calls from James
Sirius: answer the fucking phone, you sod!!
Sirius: when the fuck did you take these!?!? (4 attachments)
Sirius: Lupin I STG
James: Lily is freaking out!!! Did you get an autograph??
James: who am I kidding. You had no idea, did you?
âWhat the fuckâŚâ Remus murmured under his breath as he scrolled through the notifications on his lock screen, blushing something fierce when a coworker brushed past him reminding him he was supposed to be being professional which generally meant not swearing.Â
The second Remus stepped onto the pavement outside of his building, his phone started ringing again.Â
âWhat the fuck is going on?â He answered instead of saying âhello, Sirius; alright?â.Â
âWhat the fuck is going on!?â Sirius barked back. âHow about you tell me when the fuck you met Y/N L/N!?âÂ
Remus felt his eyebrows cinch as he pulled his phone from his face when another text came in.Â
Lily: Iâm so fucking jealous right now!
Lily: also, I should probably say congrats; Iâm sure this is going to be great for your career!
âRemus!â
âChrist, Sirius, Iâm here.â Remus muttered as he brought the phone back to his ear. âBut I have no idea what youâre talking about.âÂ
âSon of a bitch.â Sirius muttered on the other end of the line. âThe pictures you posted yesterday!â
âOf the man? Or-â
âThe bird! Remus! Y/N L/N!â
Remus suddenly realised why the name sounded familiar; it had been your instagram handle.
âOh! Do you know her?â
âDo I know her? Mate, sheâs fucking famous.â
âWhat?â
âSheâs a sodding model! Sheâs been in Sports Illustrated, walked in New York Fashion Week and Paris Fashion Week, she was in a music video recently; fuck who was the artistâŚâ
âWha- what the fuck? How did I not know this?â Remus asked dumbly.Â
âGod, youâre thick. Did you not notice the fucking blue checkmark next to her name on instagram when you tagged her?âÂ
Remus was so glad Sirius couldnât see him right now; he always felt properly chastised when it was Sirius handing his ass to him, but this felt bigger somehow.Â
âWell⌠I donât know, Iâm verified too but that doesnât mean anyone knows me!â He argued half-heartedly; he really hadnât noticedâŚ
Sirius snorted. âYeah well, everyoneâs gonna know you now, mate.â
âWhat do you mean?â Remus asked sternly.
âI meanâ Sirius started theatrically âthat sheâs shared your original post to her story and posted your pictures to her page and tagged you as the photographer. She only posted it two hours ago and it already has almost 70,000 likes. Have you not looked at instagram?â
âSirius, I work in a fucking corporate office, I canât be on my phone all of the time.â He spat rather petulantly.Â
âBully for you.â Sirius muttered in response. âCheck now then.â
Remus stole himself as he closed the call screen that simply consisted of a terrible picture of Sirius before opening up instagram.Â
The notification tab simply read 100+, but when he moved to view his profile he realised he had gained nearly 10,000 followers just since leaving for work this morning.Â
âJesusâŚâ Remus breathed out slowly.Â
âYou might want to put a portfolio together, mate.â Sirius offered, tone still slightly teasing, though the edges were softer and Siriusâ pride was nearly palpable even through the phone. âThis might finally be your big break.â
All because Remus had noticed you - a beautiful girl - in the park with a book and a dog sitting in a lone ray of sun that managed to force its way through the treetops⌠as if some deity placed a spotlight on it to ensure Remus would notice.Â
And of course he noticed you; how could he not?
I'd be happy to be your model. Do you have a portfolio? You should be charging people for that.
This might finally be your big break.Â
Little did either of you know that you would end up being Remusâ big break.
#marauders era#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#reader insert#self insert#remus lupin#remus lupin fic#remus lupin drabble#remus lupin fanfiction#remus lupin ficlet#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin blurb#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x y/n#remus lupin x self insert#photographer!remus lupin#model!reader#fem!reader#remus lupin x fem!reader#meet cute#remus lupin meet cute#muggle au#ellecdc fics
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Sweethearts and Sweet Dreams <3
âNothinâ?â
âMhm.â
âWhats behind your back then?â
You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. âI dont have anything behind my back.â (6.4k words)
tags!! - 18+ modern au! Husband! Joel Miller, Wife! Reader, you guys are happy and in love!, mutual obsession if u squint, lots of exposition im so freaking sorry, pervert Joel if u squint, praise kink joel if you squint, dumbification if you squint, written for those with daddy issues lowkeeyyyyy, written with game joel in mind but could be hbo joel no problem!, lowk i combined the two in my mind, mentions of shy old man joel, housewife! reader (by choice), unspecified age gap but reader is like. thirty? and joels Like...55??, talk about joel taking medication for his anxiety, p in v sex, dirty talk, public sex, outdoor sex, joel has a kink for dresses because i said so? service top joel if you squint, pet names, a pinch of jealousy and possessiveness for fun, playful banter, mentions of maria and tommy and their baby with a made up name Lol, mentions of ellie and sarah (rip), mentions of readers past abusive relationships, talk about joel struggling with substance abuse/addiction and being hospitalized.....Im sure u can theorize why </3, lots of lore ill get into in another fic MAYBE *smirks*, flip flop in perspective, sometimes showing what joel is thinking or what reader is thinking blah blah
authors notes!! - hi there!!! im mocha and this is my first joel fic ever + my first fic posted to tumblr!! im really nervous cuz i havent written anything in months and ive never written joel before so please let me know if you like it!! id love to write more of this au for u guys if theres a demand for it...Thank u for reading!! also barely proof read im ngl. ive been staring at this fic all day im sick of itttt. p.s i dont usually write smut i also kinda do idfk Is this bad or am i tweaking
You step out of the house, morning sun soaking into the roots of your hair and the driveway beneath your feet. Theres a package youve been waiting for.Â
You cant contain your grin as you wiggle it out of the hot prison that is your mailbox.
âWhat the hell are you doinâ out there barefoot?â Joel chastises you from the front door, leaning his elbow on the frame. Joel, your lovely husband of two years. Been together for five. And because of how hard he works, you have the privilege of being a stay at home wife. Some people think that sort of life is stifling, but youve never felt so free. No more jobs you hate, no more financial struggles. Just you, Joel, and your cat, Cement. He likes to pretend it isnt a totally hilarious name for a pet.
You were his first relationship in almost a decade, so it was a lot of work helping him unpack his anxieties about dating, and a lot of work for you to feel safe and unafraid. Honestly? Youve been mistreated by enough men to land you in the psychward.
But Joel never yells at you, he never breaks things when hes angry or threatens to hurt you. He might raise his voice every now and again, but its never because of something you did. Sometimes the stress of life is just too much.Â
He works hard, he loves his daughter- daughters- and he would do anything to keep you happy. Whatever you say goes, he says. Even now, you hardly argue. Of course you have disagreements, or off days thatd lead to one of you being especially moody, but the both of you do your best to communicate.
Behind that rough exterior, is someone who just wants to be needed.Â
You first met Joel at a youth center you volunteered at, he taught guitar, you taught arts and crafts. Joel says it was your smile and sense of humor that charmed him. It was his singing and southern accent for you.
Your favorite thing about Joel is how soft he gets around you. He says its because you make it easy to be soft.Â
Joel was a shy lover at first. He would get nervous just kissing you, or holding your hand. While most people become intimate very early on in their relationship, you and Joel didnt do anything sexual for the first five months of you dated. Sure, you almost did, plenty of times, but he would get so overwhelmed and cut things short. You broke two of your vibrators during this era of your relationship. Embarassing.
You remember your first time very vividly. Joel had worked back to back doubles trying to meet a deadline, and on the final day, after having barely spoken to you for almost a week, you had shown up to his house, unannounced. You were wringing water out of your jacket when he swung the door open.Â
âHow-â Joel blinks a few times, stepping forward to examine the rainfall. âHow long you been out here?â
âNot that long,â You lie and pick up the container you brought off the porch chair. Part of you had a hard time mustering up the courage to even knock on the door. Droplets of water cascade down your chin. âHi, sorry. I know youre tired.â
He shakes his head, voice soft and warm. âSâfine. Now câmon, youre gonna get sick.â
Youre seated at the little dining table next to the kitchen now, trying to let the sound of the rainfall ease your nerves.
Joel was quick to grab you a towel, and does the honors of drying your face and hair with it. âWhy didnt you jusâ call me? Woulda gotten out of the shower faster if i knew you were gettinâ soaked out there like this.â
âI dunno, sorry.â
âAnâ whatd i tell you about apologizinâ all the time?â
âSor- Uh. Right. Okay.â You tighten your jaw. No more.
Joel moves behind you, now squeezing water out the ends of your hair. âWhasâ that?â
âOh!-â You peel back the lid, showing it to him. âOld fashion cake donuts are your favorite right? I remember you saying you liked eating them with your coffee in the mornings soâŚI made these. Youve been working a lot lately and I wanted to do something nice for you.â
Joel gingerly grasps the container from your hands, looking into it. Theyre a warm golden brown, outside evenly fried, and the sweet scent of them hits his nose right away.
âI was just gonna leave them on the doorstep and call you to tell you they were there, but I wanted to see you.â
His adam's apple bobs as he swallows the dryness in his throat. Youre too good for him.Â
âThank you very much.â He presses a kiss to your damp hair. âNow, lets get you into some dry clothes.â
Joel gives you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers to keep you modest while your clothes wash and dry.Â
You wait patiently on his bed for the hot chocolate he promised you before you showered. Theres nothing to watch on the tv, so you just turn it off and reach for the lamp on his nightstand instead.Â
He comes in quietly, and sets the mug down beside the lamp. You finally come into focus, clear as day even under the low lighting.
âYou uh.. You look nice.â
You blink. âI look nice?â
âIn my shirt.â
That gets a smile out of you.Â
Joel tips his head towards the mug. âSâhot so, give it a few minutes. Dont want you burninâ your mouth.â
You nod. âOkay.â
Hes sat beside you now and the two of you sit in silence for a while. Its not awkward, just the kind of silence where both of you want to say something but just.. Cant.
Joel unravels first. âMissed you, yâknow. Just been tired.â
âI know.â Your voice wobbles, and Joels jaw tightens like hearing you sound so sad stings him. âI missed you, too.âÂ
He slides his hand over yours, giving it a squeeze. Its okay.Â
âHey Joel...Can I stay the night?âÂ
âSure. Id really like that.â
While you drink your hot chocolate, you and Joel catch up. You both talk about work, and about your new found interest in baking. Joel teases you about your lack of cooking skills, you do the same. Youre both useless.Â
When its time to climb into bed, neither of you can actually fall asleep. Joel rolls onto his side, away from you and the window. You follow, curling up like a little cat against his back. The sensation is nice for the both of you.
You speak up after a little while.
âJoel?â
âMm.â
âThank you for letting me stay.â
He scoffs, voice thick with exhaustion. âLike I'd force you to leave after you brought me such a nice present.â
You let out a little giggle, âSo if i didnt, youd kick me out?â
âId think âbout it.â
You gasp, gently shoving at his back. âThats meanâŚ!â
âSâreally not.â
âOh yeah? And what if I poisoned them?.â
âThen itd jus' be a regular day of your cookinâ then.â Joel reminds you, lighthearted. Too many times where you left the shells in your eggs or burnt toast or left the bacon on the pan for too long.
âYou cant get mad at me for my dark past when you made a perfectly good sirloin taste like horse leather.â
âUgh. Dont remind me. That was like putting a one-hundred dollar bill into a paper shredder. How do either of us stay alive again?â
âUh. Digiorno?â
âDigiorno.â
After a few moments, Joels rolling over again, and hes guiding your head to settle against his chest. Your arms wrap around him, and his arms around you.Â
âJoel,â You whisper. He hums. âIm cold.â
âSâcause youre not wearinâ any pants.â
âAnd whos fault is that?â
âStill yours.â
âI was left out in the rain like a sad, sopping wet cat. One that was left in a box all alone with no familyâŚâ You pretend to sniffle. âDont you feel bad for me?â
Joel sighs, not saying anything more except making sure the part of the comforter behind your back is tucked into your side so the cold air doesnt get in. When hes done, you do a little shimmy up his body, and throw your leg over his hip. Oh no.
Hes alert now. Very alert. Be normal. Joel hesitates, licking the dryness off his lips. âUh. Feel better?â
âMhm.â You push your face into his throat, cat-like, before settling down again. Hes like a radiator.
Actually scratch that, he cant be normal.Â
âDarlinâ.â He rasps, patting your back to get your attention.
âMm?â
âYour leg. Move it.â
A few beats pass. âWhy?â
âBecauseâŚâ Wow, he didnt think hed get this far. You shift forward and Joel lets out a quiet exhale through his nose, one that couldve been masked by the rain if you werent so close.
âAre you-â
âNo! No. Its- Its not what you think-â He cant see your face in the darkness but he knows you feel the semi-hard struggling through the confines of his pants. Lame.
âJoel,â You say, soft. Your hands slide up his arm to cradle his jaw. Lightning flashes into the room, giving you a glimpse of Joels tight expression. He whispers your name back, just as soft.
âThis is normal.âÂ
Its normal, it is! Except for the fact that you guys havent had sex yet. The stress of being intimate is too much, kills his boner in a blink. The longer he waits the worse the anxiety gets.
âI-I know.â
You place a hand on his chest, feeling it pound away like crazy through all the soft muscle. Â
âYouve been taking your medication, right?â
Has he?
The silence of him thinking is proof enough. âJoel-â
He sighs, rubbing his eyes through the darkness .âI know, I know. Shoot, Im sorry. I just forget sometimes.â
âIts okay.â The pad of your thumb strokes the tops of his cheek, and you press a tender kiss to his mouth to soothe him. â...Want me to remind you?â
The softness of your lips has him a bit dazed. âHuh?â
âI said, do you want me to remind you? I can- You know, call you before you leave work. Make sure you take them.â
âYou know I wake up at five-o-clock in the morninâ , right?â
âI know.âÂ
In a whisper, âOkay.â
Joels rough palms trail down your back and stop at the curve of your butt, finger tips delicately tracing the skin above your shorts. You shiver.
Barely above a whisper. âWe dont have to go all the way.â
He says your name again, laced with worry. He doesnt want you to feel pressured.Â
You pull your leg off his hip and push yourself up, settling your hands on either side of Joels head.
âCan I tell you something?â
âYes-â
â-And you cant get all in your head about it. You stay here, with me. You stay present.â
âOkay, okay.â He nods, a bit defeated. âI will stay present.â
âWhen you...When you say you dont wanna have sex, what is it that youre thinking exactly? I know you said you just get really nervous but I feel like youre not being totally honest.â
Joel stays quiet, idly rubbing your sides. Maybe you are a cat. Just getting to feel any part of you is soothing. âI jusâ want you to feel good. âFraid ill do somethinâ you dont like.â
âYou cant assume how I feel, Joel. Being intimate.. It takes time to learn what the other person likes.â
He sighs. âI know.â Youre always right.
Adding on, âLike I said, we dont have to go all the way,â You lean further back, situating yourself on his hips. He lets out a shaky breath when he feels the pressure of your ass through his sweats.
âBut, I want to start somewhere. I want to feel you.âÂ
âFuck- Um-â Hes shaking now, letting you grind your hips down onto him. Joel cant seem to control the way his hips instinctively push up to meet yours. Youre both becoming of a mess of little gasps and hot breaths and tiny whimpers already.
You hunch forward, guiding his hand under your your shirt- His shirt- letting him feel up the supple skin of your stomach, then the area where your ribs are, then your-
âAnd I want you to feel me,â
Surprisingly, you did actually go all the way that night.
Your sex life was a bit of a rocky start, but after Joel got over most of his anxiety, you learned quickly just how goddamn insatiable he was. Five years in and he still regularly makes you sore.Â
There are a couple things you learned about him and his sexual interests. He loves to take you in his truck, in your kitchen, in your bathroom, on your couch. Other, riskier places. Anywhere that isnt your bed apparently, not that he isnt fucking you there either.
Joel is handsy, so handsy infact it embarasses you to no end, especially when youre infront of others. Thats usually how it starts, too. First he kisses you, then gropes your hips and your ass, and the next thing you know, youre cumming on his fingers. Then hed bend you over, or get you on your back, or make you ride him. Is it really riding if hes just slamming up into you until your brain turns into mush?
He likes that too. Making you not think.
Youd be lying if you said its only ever him. Sleepy morning handjobs before work, whining to him over the phone and touching yourself to his voice, arching your back into him while you're washing dishes, sucking him off after hours in his office.
And while most men prefer lingerie or little costumes, Joel likes dresses. Dresses that are discreet so he can take you in the backyard when he comes home early and sees you gardening. Or when youre both at a friends house and hes had a little too much to drink and finds himself alone with you. Dresses that make it easy to play his favorite game with you. I touch you, and you make sure we dont get caught by being too loud. Joel really is the worst sometimes.
Now, you only ever wear pants when its cold, or to bed or sometimes when youre lounging, like today. Youre in some shorts and a tank top. Otherwise, its dresses all year round, usually retro styles or ones meant for spring. Joels not picky though, he loves any dress on you.
Even if you wear an extremely modest, white lacey sleep dress, looking like some kind of vintage ghost, the man would still keep you up all night. And he has. He said you looked like a princess. You guess you kind of did.
The entire thing is like an unspoken arrangement between you both. He doesnt tell you to wear them, you just do.
And he works hard to spoil you, so why not buy as many cute dresses as possible?Â
You got a cute dress today too, on the same day Joel has off. You think its going to be a new favorite of his.
The big polymailer stays hidden behind your back. Be casual. âUh- Nothing!â
âNothinâ?â
âMhm.â
âWhats behind your back then?â
You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. âI dont have anything behind my back.â
âLemme see then. Show me your hands-â
âHey, Mrs. Miller!â
Both you and Joel turn your heads to the voice, and only one of you has the energy to fake a a smile. Your neighbor is stopping in his driveway, having come back from a jog it looks.
âHi, Lee.âÂ
Joel really, really, really doesnt like Lee. You dont like him either, but youre not one to cause problems. Lee on the other hand, is. Hes a bit younger than you, and a lot younger than Joel. Hes one of those tech dudes with a massive ego, thinks that youll be swayed by his money and his âcharmâ and youth as if youre some sad housewife in need of saving. Gross.Â
And another thing, Lee doesnt even actually live here! Hes here ever so often to visit his dad between, you dont know, tech expos? You forget. Joel believes he started showing up more often to see you.Â
Youre walking towards the porch again. Joels looking especially unhappy to see him today, knuckles pulled taut into a fist. His lips stay pressed into a thin line, careful not to let anything slip out. He usually lets you do most of the talking, as much as it pains him.Â
Joels really not a fan of the way Lees eyes take a trip up your bare legs. Little shit.
âOut with no shoes again, Mrs. Miller?â
âYou know me, Im uh- Im weird.â
âThe weird ones do it best.â He smiles, all teeth. It gives you the creeps. His attention is on Joel now. Its like watching a puppy try to one up a wolf. âRight, Joel?â
âUh huh.â Whatever that means.
âActually, I've been meaning to ask you something, Mrs. Miller.â Lee crosses into your driveway and you glance briefly at Joel, as if to make sure he isnt going to start growling at the other to stay away. Youre clutching the package to your chest now.Â
âHave you ever been to a support group for uh- you know, the spouses of addicts? I have a friend from work and shes really struggling.âÂ
Lees tone is sugary sweet, but the fake kind you put in diet soda except that stuff is way better. Joel sighs from the door. You stand there, dumbfounded on the porch steps because what the fuck is he going on about.Â
You clear your throat, keeping your voice firm. âNo. Ive never needed to.â Â
Joels voice cuts in like a knife. âBeen clean for almost twenty years now.â
âYeah but, you know,â He shrugs, squinting a bit under the morning sun. âRelapses happen.â
Joel and Lee are at a stand still, and the moment Joel lets the arm leaning on the frame drop to his side, you know youre in for a lot of trouble. You move quickly towards the door. âWe have to get ready for a- uh- a thing? but Im sorry about your friend.â
âThank you, Mrs. Miller. Im doing my best to support her.â And before he turns away, he just has to be slimy to you. âIf you need someone to talk to, Im here for you.â
âNo, that really wont be necess-â
Joels slinging a strong arm around you to yank you back inside before shutting the door.Â
âMotherfucker,â He hisses to himself, stomping through the walkway and into the kitchen.
âHow-â You rub your eyes, letting them adjust to the light inside of the house. You put the package down onto the bar counter that opens up the kitchen and follow Joel to the fridge. âHow does he know?? I thought-â
âBeen living in this house for decades now,â His expression is tight, brows knitted together while he chugs a bottle of water. âPeople talk. âSpecially if I'm being rolled into an ambulance on more than one occasion.â Joel frowns. âFuck- I shoulda punched him in the fuckinâ face- Do you see how hard he tries so hard to flirt with you infrontâa me?â
âI know, love. I was there.â You take the bottle from his hand and set it to the side, then wrap your arms around him. âTry not to let it get to you okay?â
Joel sighs into your hair, giving your body a squeeze. âI know, I know, but jusâ hearinâ him tryinâta use my baggage to make a pass at youâŚSâfuckinâ evil.â
âI agree, but I dont want his blood on the driveway.â
âSo get it on his driveway instead, got it.â
You giggle and tip your head up to kiss him. The tension eases from Joels shoulders, and he cups your cheeks, letting his worries melt away into your mouth. When the pads of his fingers start to slide under your tank top, youre leaning back. Youll be here for a while if this goes any further.
Joel mindlessly chases your lips, looking a bit pouty now that its over.
âIm gonna start getting ready for the barbecue, okay?â
âThis early?â
âI like being punctual.âÂ
âMy brother wont give a damn if were late.â He noses your jaw, pressing a kiss here and there. Your knees are beginning to feel weak. The bastard is trying to distract you.
âBut I do. The farmers market opened today, and I promised Maria I'd get her fresh strawberries before we got there, remember?â
âAlright, alright.â He grumbles into your shoulder.
Joel lets you go, watching you round the bar counter to get your package and disappear upstairs.
-
Ever since you came down to a freshly showered Joel, and got into the car with the gift bags you prepared for Maria and Tommy, Hes been staring at you. One wrong move and the drools gonna start pouring out of his mouth.
Your hair is in its relatively natural state, freshly washed and shiny from the oil you put in it. You put on some light makeup, and went a bit heavy handed on the blush to look sunkissed, and topped it off with a flavored lip gloss Joel especially enjoys.Â
Now, the dress. Its a pink floral mid-length dress, with a low cut sweetheart neckline and a corset style backing to cinch your waist and push out your chest. The material is thick and pretty, and there are two other layers under the skirt to keep its shape. You have on a pair of little pink pumps with little bows to match.Â
The drive to the farmers market is fairly peaceful, the windows are half down and theres music playing at low volume on the radio. You and Joel have different tastes in music, but one genre you can always agree on is alternative rock.Â
The weathers beautiful, sun high in the sky, and its not too hot or humid. The day really is perfect. Youre gonna soak up some sun when youre at the barbecue. Hopefully, they made lemonade again too.
Joel has been mostly quiet throughout your shopping. While it would worry some, youve been with him long enough to know that he just has a lot on his mind. What hes thinking about? Maybe youll learn when you make it back home at the end of the day.
You gasp, strolling through the grass to a stand with a mountain of apples. Granny smith, Macintosh, Pink Ladys, Honeycrisp, the works. He grunts, trying to keep the things that are already in your basket steady. You came for strawberries and are going to leave with much more than that.
Joel nudges you softly. âRemember, this is quality stuff, meaning itll go bad faster. Dont get too much.â
âOkay, got it.â You beam, and then begin inspecting the Pink Lady apples first, trying to find the ones with the best color.  He keeps the basket within reach so you can drop your picks in.
"These were Sarahs favorites."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, it was funny 'cause we started arguin' over these or Red Delicious. I think Red Delicious is better."
"Thats so cute! Hmm. Should we get one for her? A Pink Lady?"
"Uh," He thinks on it for a moment, unsure, but the smile on your face helps him make a decision. "Sure, why not."
You drop two perfect Pink Ladys into the basket, moving onto the next pile.
âHey, Joel.â You grin, holding out a wrinkled granny smith apple. âThis one looks like youâ
âHa ha.â He deadpans, and grabs it from you to put back. In turn, hes reaching for the runt of the pile. A pathetically small one sitting near the bottom. âNow this one looks like you.â
âDoes not!â
âDoes too.âÂ
The next stand has golden kiwis, and youre practically dragging Joel forward to try them. You ask for one, and the man at the stand slices it into halves, giving you a plastic spoon to go with.Â
You let Joel smell it first. âSâgood.â
âLets see if it tastes good.â
You sink your spoon into it, humming when you see how soft and easy it is to scoop out. In your mouth it goes!
Its tastes sweet, a bit mango-y and fucking delicious. You bounce in place, spoon feeding Joel next. âOh yeah,â He smiles, smacking his lips a bit to really let the taste settle on his tongue. âWere takinâ some of these.â
You take one, then two, then three and four then five and as you reach for the sixth one, Joels stopping you with a gentle hand.Â
âDarlinâ.âÂ
âRight.âÂ
For the next few stands its just you and Joel trying various kinds of fruit. Starfruit, blueberries, some mangos, and then youre going back to the truck.
âI think my favorites were the mangos and golden kiwis. I hope Maria and Tommy have enough space in their fridge for all of this.â
âThey moved into a bigger house, I reckon their fridge sâprobably bigger, too.â
âWhat time is it?âÂ
You let go of Joels arm so he can switch the basket from one hand to the other.Â
ââBoutâŚâ Hes squinting at his watch. â12:34 in the afternoon.â
âOh! Guess we got the shopping done sooner than I expected. Hmm. Should we stop somewhere in the mean time?-" You snap your finger when you remember something. "They opened up this cafe that has cats in it! We can drink coffee and play with them for bit! The next fourty-five minutes will go by super fast."
âYoure gonna make Cement jealous.â
You bat your hand dismissively. âHes not gonna caaare.âÂ
âOh yes he will. And remind me again why we named our cat Cement?
âUh, we were both drunk and had gotten him the day before without a name picked out?â
âA whole year later and we still kept it. Worst pet owners ever.â Joel chuckles, opening the passenger door for you like he always does.Â
âThank you.â
âMhm.â
The giant basket of fruit goes into the back seat next to the gift bags before Joel slots himself into the drivers seat.Â
You fumble with the radio a bit, trying to see what else is on but ultimately landing back on your preferred station. Theyve been playing a lot of Linkin Park recently. Hell yeah. Joel buckles himself in at last, and pulls out of the parking lot.Â
âMarias gonna teach me how to make baked chicken,â You hum, gazing outside the window.
âYou sure youre not jusâ unteachable?â
âHa ha,â You lightly shove his shoulder, making him smile. âI thought you loved the meat sauce pasta I learned how to make.â
He settles into his seat more comfortably at the stop light, elbow rested on the window. âGot me with that one. Think I like ground turkey over beef, though.â
âYeah? Me too. The beef tastes better but the turkey is lighter. Stops me from feeling all sick.â
âAgreed.â
Youre looking out the windshield now. Where did all the buildings go? Youre out of the city.Â
âUh, Joel?â
âMm?â
âWhere are we going?â
âSomewhere to kill time.â
âYeah but where?â
âYoull see.âÂ
Your brows pinch together. âI see a whole lot of nothing except for trees."
âAlmost there.â
Joel makes a hasty left turn onto some campgrounds. Your stomach starts to twist into excited knots. Is he gonna show you a baby deer or something? Bunnies? He used to be a park ranger for this area, and would tell you stories about all sorts of baby animals hed run into.
The car comes to a stop, and he turns the engine off. Silence.
âSoâŚWere out in the woods to kill time?â
âMhm.â Joel unbuckles his seat belt and twists into the back to grab the spare jacket he usually keeps there, then gets out of the truck and comes around the back to open the door for you.Â
He holds your hand to help you get down from the passenger side, and as soon as both of your shoes hit the ground Joel is on you.Â
You dont know where your hands should go, youve kissed Joel a thousand times and yet you still get so flustered when he catches you by surprise. You keep your hands on his shoulders for now, letting him press wet kisses to your neck and shoulder.
âThis is new right? The dress?â He gives your ass an appreciative squeeze through the fabric. âThought you looked so pretty when you came down stairs in it.âÂ
Your heads spinning. Something about your dress?Â
âWoulda been okay if you let me have you earlier.â He pulls away, examining your flushed face cradled by his hand. Every part of you just fits so well in his palms. âThen I thought, why not have you now? We got time to spare.â
âJoel- We- Someone could see us-â You sputter, and Joels already shaking his head with a knowing smirk. He pulls you around to the bed of the truck, popping it open, only pausing to spread open the jacket he grabbed, just having just thrown it in there when he came around to get you.
���No ones gonna come lookinâ for us.â He turns you around, pushing you down onto your front. âAs long as youre quiet.âÂ
Fuck. You really hate this game. At least, you like to tell yourself that.
Blood rushes to your ears while Joels rough palms lift up the skirt of your dress, exposing your ass and thighs to the cool air. He whistles from behind you.Â
âRed lace panties?â His fingers dont shy away from tracing along the fabric covering your cunt. âThis new too?â
You crane your neck over your shoulder to look at his face. âUh.. Surprise?â
Joels smiling now, fingers dipping under the lace. âThas' awfully sweet of you.â
His touch slips and slides around your growing wetness, then trails down to your clit. Your voice wobbles a bit and fuck- fuck hes going too fast. âJoel- Ah-â You whimper and try to push yourself up to look at him but his hand is steady on your spine, keeping you down.Â
Smug, âGo on, sweetheart. Keep sayinâ my name. Jusâ like that.â
A whine escapes you when he pulls away, âNooo.â You push your ass back, as if to entice him. You succeed, because hes skipped his usual routine of fucking you with his hands and is now unbuckling his belt.
Joel rolls you onto your back, and peels your underwear all the way off, bunching it up and shoving it into his back pocket. Your face burns just watching him.
âThink i'll hold onto these for a lilâ while.â
His hands push the back of your knees towards your chest, exposing your heat. Youll never get used to the way he just seems so interested just watching your cunt squeeze around nothing.Â
âThats-â You swallow, pushing yourself up onto your elbows. "Joel.â
âRelax." He coos, "Seen it a thousand times already, and ill be seein' it a thousand more. Get used to it, honey.â
Your attention flickers down to where his dick is about to meet your entrance. Joels nudging you down onto your back again and pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. Its when youre distracted that he actually moves to push himself in.
Both of you groan together, and Joel could never get bored of fucking you, not when your cunt just pulses around him everytime hes inside you.
Joel wastes no time fucking you once he eases all the way inside. Youre trying your best to keep quiet. Shit is no easy task. Its like Joel is trying to get you guys arrested.
He props himself up with a hand near your head, and lets the other keep one of your legs pinned open. The moans start to claw out of your throat. âJoel- Joel-âÂ
âShh. Thasâ enough.â He growls through his teeth, fucking you harder. âYoure gonna- Gh- Get us caught-â
Something rustles between the trees, making you both freeze. You clasp your hands over your mouth, watching Joel straighten up to look around.
After a few seconds of squinting, Joel can see a few foxes moving about through the trees. Thank fuck. His shoulders visibly relax.
Hushed, âE-Everything okay?â
âYeah, jusâ some animals.âÂ
And like that, hes back to it. His dick is going to make your eyes permanently stay rolled into your head.Â
Joel is always just so handsome when hes pounding into you. His forehead gets shiny with sweat, and his jaw is tight from clenching his teeth, keeping himself quiet so he can focus on your moans. His face is noticeably redder against his usual farmers tan too. Really, hes just so attractive.
A flurry of yes and harder and fuck spills out of your mouth and into your palms. Not too loud, you try to remind yourself.
âJoel- Sâtoo much-â
âNah, thasâ not it.â He huffs, humorous. âYou can take it. Y'always do. In fact, you love gettinâ your cunt bullied by me, aint that right?â As if to get his point across, he thrust in all the way to the hilt, making you keen. You forgot how to breathe, lungs drawing tight in your chest.
"Fuck," You manage to squeeze out.
Your palms push weakly at his shoulders, trying to ground yourself somehow. His head drops to the junction of your neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply.
âYou good?â He checks in, breath hot on your skin. As if your crying isnt enough.
âSo g-good, Joel- Fuck- Youre so good.âÂ
With a little nod, Joels pushing himself up, switching to slow and deep strokes, really digging himself into you, and trying to find that spot he likes to call home.
He massages your chest, then squeezes your sides and your hips and finally, his thumb finds your clit. Immediately, you jolt.Â
âOh fuck-âÂ
âQuiet.â And he says it to keep the charade going, even though his favorite thing is hearing your sobs.
His thumb rubbing incessantly against your that sweet little nub of yours. You choke, and Joels chuckling, watching the way you squirm, body not knowing whether it should lean into his touch because its too good or away because its too much.
It starts with this firey feeling under the pad of his thumb, then deep inside your stuffed cunt. Youre going to cum.Â
Your hands fly to your mouth again, and you get all wide eyed from the sensation. Its cute. Your muscles pull taut, legs locking around Joels hips. Youre wailing into your palm when it happens.
âGood girl,â His voice soothes you through it. âVery good.â
He pets away the fly aways sticking to your sweaty face when its over. Your eyes drop shut while you catch your breath.Â
Joels moving again now. He rolls his hips a few times, and thumb is building the foundation of another orgasm in you. Youre shaking badly.
Your words slur too, âCant- Too soon- Joel- Joel-â
âAnother one.â Joel says firmly, but breathless.Â
Youre gasping, not sure where to focus your eyes. The trees around you look like theyre spinning. Your attention is back on Joel, whos looking rather satisfied watching you squirm and cry. If thats how wants to play, then fine.
Your hands slide up Joels biceps, and rests on the nap of his neck to bring him down. âJuh-Joel,â You pant, cradling his face with both hands. âYoure so good- The best-â
Oh, Joel likes that one, you can tell by the way he looks away briefly. Shyness. Excitement runs up your spine. Joel loves being told hes doing well.Â
âYou are- Nghh-â You swallow the drool in your mouth, trying to get the words out clearly. âThe best husband I could ever ask for.â
Joel wheezes, head dropping into the curve of your shoulder. âPlease.â
âSâtrue,â You nod rapidly, fingers curling into his hair. âYoure so good to me and-and youre mine and- Joel-Â Im yours.â
âJesus-â He groans, soaking up the feeling of you pressing kisses to his face and up his jaw.Â
âHhah-Â No one else can have me, okay? No one- Not even-â
The name doesnt even come out of your mouth before Joels coming to a stop to slip his arms all the way around your middle. With the new leverage he has on your body, hes drilling his way into you. You fucking squeal, rules now long forgotten. Youre a useless ragdoll in his arms and he wouldnt have it any other way.
Your lips are shiny with spit and left over lip gloss, and he can still taste the mintiness in his tongue. Every now and again your eyes drop shut, but his dick just punches into your guts a little harder. Look at me.Â
Your brain is mush, just the way he likes it, and youre perfectly pliant in his arms, babbling over how good you feel. Hes kisses along the valley of your breasts now, stopping to suck the flesh of your nipples.
Youre just so pretty. Even when you have bedhead, or youre snotty from a cold, or youre all dirty from working in the garden youre still so pretty. Including now, all sweaty with you lipgloss all smudged and your mascara starting to run. Youre perfect.Â
Joel grunts loud, jaw clenched tight as he gets lost in the feeling of your insides. His perfect little wife.
When he cums, hes doubling over with a loud grunt, getting a few last thrusts in before his spent floods your cunt.
Youre blinking away your tears, now watching the clouds inch along the sky. It really is a beautiful day. You pet Joels sweaty hair, and kiss the side of his temple. Your core throbs faintly. Jesus, he did a number on you.
âLove,â You say softly, patting his back.
âMm?â
âGet up.â Another pat. âYoure squishing me.âÂ
Joel backs off to buckle himself up, but you stay seated to catch your breath and adjust your dress. At least it didnt get ripped during all the⌠Commotion. Not like last time.
âI need my underwear back.â
âNope,â
âJoel.â
He kisses the center of your forehead and helps you down from the bed and into the passenger seat instead. âTold you i'm keepinâ âem.â
You sputter, âI cant go to barbecue commando!â
âSure you can.â He pops open the glove compartment and gets out some tissues, hand snaking under your dress again to clean you. You sigh softly at the sensation.
âYoure the worst.â
âI am indeed the worst.â Joel pulls the seatbelt over your chest and clicks it in. âYou can tell me all about it on the way to Tommys.âÂ
#joel miller#the last of us#hbo joel miller#the last of us part 1#the last of us season one#tlou#joel miller x reader#joel x reader#joel miller x you#fanfic#mocha writes#joel miller fanfic#pedro pascal#modern au#smut fic#might cross post to ao3 idk...#pleeaaaase tell me if u guys like this#glaze me glaze me glaze me#Lie 2 me and say u love it...
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Party Girl P - p.b
⣠Clingy Drunk Paige Bueckers x Reader (inspired by our favorite girl partying on Ice's live on 06/24/23)
⣠wc: 1476
âŁâŁ Synopsis: r and paige were roommates freshman year of college due to a mixup between the wbb team and wsoccer team and started their secret relationship as Paige recovered from her sophomore year injuries. (highkey might write more fics about this????) Up until now they've been able to keep their one-year ish relationship a secret, despite the rumors circulating the internet about the two of them.
âŁâŁâŁ a/n: this is my first time writing a fic ESPECIALLY dialogue, not just on tumblr but like as a whole so any suggestions on my writing is highly welcome (you guys have no idea how hard x reader was to write because it was so confusing to write and kept breaking my brain bc i've NEVER done second pov) and also, the liveâs timeline in this fic is not super accurate because it's lowk inspired by that one clip of paige and azzi maybe? kissing but i couldnât find the whole video (i also just didnât have the brainpower) so please bear w me đđ
You made your way over to Ice, leaning over shoulder with the sole intent of taking a sip of her drink. Before you could grasp the cup however, she slightly nudged you, drawing your attention to the live she had streaming from her phone.
âOh my gosh I didnât even notice yall, whatâs up live,â You forgot about the drink as you rested your arm and chin on Iceâs shoulder, giving a small wave to greet the hundred people watching you from Iceâs screen. You were at Tedâs, the local bar, partying with the uconn womenâs basketball team. Despite being part of the soccer team yourself, you were close friends with the entirety of the wbb team since your freshman year, growing even closer when you and Paige began dating last year.
You nodded your head and sang some of the lyrics to the music playing, silently reading the comments slowly rolling in and only addressing the more appropriate ones, despite being slightly tipsy you still had majority of your media training intact. You answered a few questions about random things while recharging your social battery with Ice, thanking those who gave compliments on your outfit or hair and stifling your laughs at the comments addressing Azzi drinking in the background or Paige yelling about shots.
Thinking of Paige, you realized you hadnât seen your girlfriend in a few minutes as you perked your head up to look for her.
The entire team knew the two of you were practically attached at the hip in general, making it nearly impossible for anyone to separate your drunk clingy selves from each other. You parted ways with Ice, wrapping your arm around the shoulder of your slightly taller girlfriend as you also reached for a shot off the bar top in front of the two of you.
Paige turned her head to the side as her arm wrapped around the sliver of exposed skin on your waist. "Hey baby I missed you" her slight intoxication showing in her voice as she leaned in to kiss your jaw in greeting. Her face was flushed and you could feel the heat radiating off her body as you settled into her embrace, her hair tickling the back of your neck as you conversed with the girls around you.
You remained in her arms for the short time you danced, sang, and drank with Paige, KK, Azzi, and Kayla, the younger girls hanging out on the other side of the bar with Aubrey, either on their phones or talking to each other as they werenât old enough for the bar to serve them. You excused yourself from the group as you ordered a dirty shirley from the bar and made your way back over to Ice, wanting to rest your feet for a few moments and have your favorite drink in peace.
"Hey guys your favorite is back!" You weren't a lightweight by any means, usually being able to hold your drinks well, but the night had clearly made you a little louder and outgoing as you rapidly began flipping through random conversation topics with Ice and the live. It had only been a minute or two before you had exited the live's view after discarding your leather jacket over the chair and setting your drink on the table in front of you to head further in the corner of the bar to text a few of your soccer friends back on your phone as you leaned against the wall.
Paige came up behind Ice as she wrapped her arms around Ice's neck while singing to the phone, knowing that if you had removed yourself from the camera's view it was to have a few moments of peace and privacy while on your phone. She sang the rest of the song with Ice before leaving her to walk over to your standing figure, leaning against the wall next to you and pulling your body in front of her as you closed your phone and looked up at her. She wrapped her arms around your waist once again, but this time without your jacket acting as a barrier between your two bodies.
"Mmm, you smell so good baby," Paige mumbled as she laid sweet kisses up your neck, drawing small circles up and down your bare waist to your skirt-covered hip. Her small touches only added to the warm fuzzy feeling in your head, having you melt into her touch.
"Thank you P," you giggle softly while tilting your head slightly upwards so you could see her properly, "You having fun out there?" you smile at the grin that spreads across her face.
"It's been a while since we've all been able to go out together, it's nice spending time with everyone outside of practice, especially with you," she says the last part while gently knocking her forehead into yours.
It was true, the two of you had been so busy with your respective sports, finals, and social lives that you hadn't been able to go out and truly enjoy a stress and carefree night, especially considering the fact that your relationship was a secret to everyone outside of your teams and close friend group.
"Yeah well, we'll be able to spend a lot more time together now, starting tonight," you whisper into her suggestively while trying to contain your wide smile. Paige pulled back to allow her eyes to roam over your face before slowly trailing down the rest of your body.
"That, we most definitely will," She whispered back as she gripped your hips to pull you in for a slow and languid kiss, your hands automatically moving to rest one on her neck and one into her hair, kissing her back slowly.
"OH SHIT, I mean shoot, um anyways," The two of you pull back from your kiss at Ice's exclamation, looking over at her and Aubrey, who was now standing in the middle of you three, to see what was wrong. She muted the live and turned the camera over from her face as she waved you both over frantically. "I accidentally turned the camera to Aubrey and you guys were in the background but I don't think the live saw your guys's faces like actually kissing, it was mostly just paige's back and a bit of you and I'm not sure if," her frantic ramble continued on before you stopped her.
"It's fine, it's fine, if they didn't actually see my face and us two actually kissing it'll be fine, just ignore it," You reassured her, immediately feeling more sober than just a few minutes prior. "Paige and I will just go back over to some of the other girls and you can come over to us with the live to say bye and we'll just pretend it didn't happen okay?" You concluded to her while grabbing Paige's hand and interlinking your fingers.
"That's fine with you right P?" You turned to her, making sure she was okay with potentially just being outed on a tiktok live. "Yeah it's not a big deal, don't stress too hard Ice," she reassured while squeezing your hand. You walked away from your two friends hand in hand to stand at a quiet spot at the bar, making sure to double check again with Paige, but now without Ice and Aubrey present in the conversation.
"Are you sure you're alright Paige? I know you wanted to keep this a secret for a while longer and it's okay if you're not comfortable with our relationship being out in the open like this and," Paige cut you off before you could continue.
"Hey hey, as long as I'm with you, everything is okay," she looked you in the eye as she consoled you, "We can talk about what we wanna do about the public knowing moving forward, but for right now, I'm content just being here with you."
You smiled at her, your anxiety relieved that the incident wasn't something that would negatively impact the stability and peace your relationship with Paige had. You leaned forward into her body, allowing her arms to encircle you in a comforting and tight hug as she kissed the top of your head gently.
It was safe to say the rest of your time spent at the bar with Paige was more relaxing than before, the two of you swapping your drinks for water and replacing your energetic dancing for simply standing and spending time with the other girls. You both even made sure to reserve a small amount of distance between the your bodies when Ice had all of you say goodbye to her live. The team had all decided to pack up for the night shortly after, and you and Paige walked hand in hand together to your dorm, enjoying the cool breeze of the night.
thank you for reading all the way through and sorry if this was kinda booty i couldn't force myself to read all the way through and edit once i finished but i'm excited to keep writing and hopefully get better with each fic! also lmk if you guys wanna see more of this specific paige x reader prompt as mentioned at the top of the post!!!!
#paige bueckers x reader#paige bueckers#uconn wbb#uconn lives#wcbb#wlw#paige x reader#wcbb x reader#paige x fem reader#paige buckets#paige bueckers x oc#paige bueckers fluff#uconn womenâs basketball#uconn huskies#wlw post#sapphic
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I'm going to be honest
I'm having a genuinely hard time making this post. I've been fighting with it for a couple weeks now, but I think it's time I finally make it.
I'm not having fun on this blog anymore.
It sounds bad, but honestly, it kind of is.
I think a lot of it started from the very beginning with the precedence and expectations I put on myself. I've always tried to respond to every comment I get. Even from the beginning. It's just a polite thing to do since those who leave comments took the time to write out what they think of my fic, even if it's just a keysmash. I've always felt the need to thank those who leave comments or reblog my writing or (now that tumblr has it) replied to my fics. It worked fine before because none of my fics were particularly popular. Even my most popular fic (at that time) didn't get as much attention as CRCB has. I've never had a "big blog" before, nor a fic as popular as CRCB has gotten.
It was fine at first, responding to everyone, engaging with everyone. I was riding that high of omg so many people are reading and enjoying my fic! I've never had anything quite like this before.
Now...it just feels more like a chore. I set this precedence on this blog that I respond to everyone and I know a lot of people have said that they're surprised I responded to them and to everyone, and now I'm getting why a lot of writers don't. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've just been robotically saying the same thing over and over trying to respond to people now. I used to love seeing asks in my inbox and reblogs and replies but now? All I feel is dread because I have to respond to all of those.
Turning anon off was a big help. It lessened the sheer volume of asks I was getting a day. And while I do feel bad for all of my anons who prefer to stay anons, with everything that happened (the multiple incidents) with anon that kind of started to suck the joy out of everything. That paired with the obsessive need to constantly have my inbox cleared and make sure everyone gets a response...I can understand now too why big blogs will have 200+ asks in their inbox. It's hard and it's exhausting and I'm burning out.
First it was the fic that was burning me out. Things have gone on far longer than I planned and I just wasn't prepared for this fic to go on and for a while there it was dragging. I'll admit that. If I could go back, I'd speed up a few things, but it's done, it's posted there's no going back. I kind of hoped I would have the mental capacity to upload more than once a week too, but I just couldn't. I still can't.
I've come to dread posting chapters because I know I'm going to have to reply and respond to everyone. The only thing keeping me posting is the fact that we're in the part of the story I've been excited about since the beginning and also because I keep leaving everyone on cliffhangers and I love torturing y'all with all of them.
So that being said, this is in no way to shame anyone for interacting with me, anyone leaving comments or replies or sending asks. Don't feel bad about doing it please. I appreciate all of you that have engaged with me and it really means so much to me. Honestly, earlier this year, if I didn't have this fic and everyone on this blog, I might not have made it to now. It's been a really rough year and it's still going to be into next year. It's just getting to the point where I need a break.
I've needed a break for a long time. I thought taking days off the blog would help, and it did for a couple of weeks, but now even on the days I'm supposed to be on the blog and engaging, I just find myself queueing stuff up and just being offline most of the day still.
I'm tired. That's the best reason I can give. I'm tired and burned out on life and I'm tired and burned out on this blog.
So...I think I need a break. I need to not keep responding to every single reply and reblog every chapter. I need to not force myself to answer every ask right away, no matter how much I want to. I feel bad, but I know everyone would rather have me here and enjoying the blog than forcing myself to interact to the point where I'm dreading it and just robotically repeating myself over and over with every reply and answer and comment.
I won't be pausing the fic, I won't be not uploading. I'll still be posting chapters, I just might not be interacting as much as I have been. It's just putting such a mental strain on me still, even with anon off, even with days off. And with things getting busier for me, it's going to be too much to try and deal with irl stuff and write and try to be super active on the blog. There's going to come a point where I have to sacrifice the writing or the blog and I'd rather sacrifice the blog to keep myself sane, and also to keep trying to finally get this fic done. I love this fic, don't get me wrong, but I'm just burning out.
I'm already burned out in a lot of ways.
I was planning kinktober this year but honestly I'm considering not doing it because I know interaction is going to be insane and it's going to be a lot to keep up on. Plus trying to write that many fics is hard and I'm not sure I have the ability to do it. I have a few done but now I'm just like...is that something I want to do on top of irl stuff and CRCB.
There's just no joy in it anymore. It's not anyone's fault but mine. I put the pressure on myself, I held myself to that standard for this long despite the fact I knew it was draining me. I've tried to push through when I should have prioritized myself. I feel so guilty not responding to everyone. I feel so guilty being a day or two late responding to everyone.
I want to be here and interacting and responding to things but I just can't bring myself to anymore. It's no one's fault, and this is not a drag on anyone, or an attempt to make anyone feel bad or guilty for interacting or sending asks or anything. I'm just airing out the truth and saying what I need to say because I feel like I've been so robotic and lifeless with my responses these last couple weeks and I feel like I need to explain why. It's nothing anyone has done. It's my fault. It's 100% my fault.
Things have just gotten to be too much and it's my fault for forcing myself to be so active. The social battery has dropped into the negatives. I'm not a social person. I can only handle so much interaction and I've pushed so far beyond that, that things have gotten to this point. I want to be here and I want to have fun and I want to use this as an escape but I just don't feel that way about it anymore. It's a chore for me, a job, something I feel like I have to do and it's my fault that I feel that way. It's my own standards and expectations I set on myself, and my expectations on what I think my followers want and deserve and now I feel like I've gone on too long like this that I can't change things without hurting anyone's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm ignoring them in favor of others because I know there's writers out there that do that. They only respond to a certain group and ignore others that comment and reblog. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm doing that to them and that's now led me to here.
I'm forcing it and I'm tired.
It's been hard these last few weeks. The life has just been draining and draining continuously. The joy and the love I have for this blog and my followers and the interactions and the fic. The last anon bullshit that happened was just kind of the last nail in the coffin so to speak. The straw that broke the camel's back. Things stopped being fun. It made me feel bad (and not in the guilty way, though that was a part of it) and I'm honestly just over it. I'm over the blog, I'm over interacting, I'm over life at this point. August is a hard month for me and every year it seems to get worse and worse. A lot of it is unrelated to anything online and I was going to make a post about it but honestly I just don't want to. Those that know, know. Those that don't...it doesn't matter.
I'm getting annoyed by the blog, I'm getting annoyed every time I look in my notifications and see an ask or a reply or a comment. I'm getting annoyed by some of my followers and that's not fair to you. Everyone always talks about how nice and kind and patient I am when I'm really not. I'm not the person I present myself to be on this blog, the way I mask myself so I can present myself as being a normal, kind human being. The mask is coming off because I'm so tired I can't keep it up anymore. It's happening here and it's happening in real life. I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm angry at a lot of things and the last thing I want is to start taking it out on my followers. You don't deserve that, especially when it's not your fault, it's nothing any of you have done. It's all me.
It's not you, it's me.
So for the sake of not burning this whole thing to the ground, I'm going to take a break. I'm not replying to everyone, I'm not responding to every reblog, I won't reply to every ask I get right away, if at all because sometimes I just don't have anything to say in response and I need to learn that's okay. It's nothing against you. It's not aimed at anyone specifically, I'm just trying to put myself first and stop things from escalating. I need a break and I'm going to do something selfish and I'm going to take it.
Don't apologize because it's not your fault. Don't apologize because you think you might have contributed to this because you didn't. It is no one's fault but my own.
I'm the one that needs to apologize to all of you because I've just not been myself because I've been forcing myself to be someone I'm not. I've been very unfair to a lot of people over the last seven months that this blog has been active and I've held a precedent that is not sustainable in the long run and made everyone believe that I was capable of maintaining that kind of interaction when I'm not.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been putting everyone through this. I'm sorry I've been so detached and robotic and ingenuine. I'm sorry I led everyone to believe I'm someone I'm not. I'm sorry I've dragged this on this long that it's gotten to the point that I have to make this post.
I considered just disappearing but that wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't want to put you through that, so I'm pouring all of my thoughts out and making you read through this fucking novel of a post. If you've made it this far, then congrats I guess. Gold metals to you who bothered reading this far.
Anyway, all of that aside, I'll still be posting chapters. I'll have them scheduled and I'll probably come on and add links places to keep things current. I'll respond and reply and answer asks when I feel like it. You don't have to stop sending them, but just don't expect them to be responded to right away anymore. I'll probably still be here reblogging things I want and doing things when I feel like it.
I just need a few weeks to myself. Time I don't have to care about the blog at all and keeping up with it. Anon will remain off for the sake of keeping asshole trolls away, and also so I don't open tumblr and have 200 asks in my inbox after a week. Sorry to my anons but it's just the way it needs to be right now. Maybe once this break is over and I've dealt with irl stuff, I'll consider putting it back on. I just can't after everything I dealt with recently on anon.
It'll be the same on Ao3, for those that follow here and read there. Comments will probably sit for a while. They won't be answered right away anymore unless I get the energy to burn through them. Even then I won't try to answer them all at once like I did this last weekend.
I'll try to reblog something every day so y'all know I'm alright. I don't want y'all to panic and it's not fair to put you through that, especially those that might not see this or bother reading it. Those that follow simply for the fic and nothing else. I'm here, I'm just not...here.
This week's chapter is in the queue to be posted tomorrow as usual. Chapters will still come out as planned since I'm not stopping writing, just taking a break from the blog itself.
Thank you those of you who stuck through to the end here. I appreciate all of you so much. You have no idea. I'm sorry I let things get to this point and I'm sorry to anyone that I've gotten rude or snappy with because I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. I'm sorry to anyone that got a robotic, repeated response to something they were probably excited to share. I'm sorry I've been so unfair to everyone and I hope you can forgive me.
Take care and I'll talk to everyone when I have the energy to.
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1/3 - Hi there! Three (I think) part ask incoming. You're the main person I know of who compiles tons of interesting fandom stats, so I wanted to ask you about it if you have the time to answer. :) I think a lot about how AO3 works great as a fan*fic* archive, but for other fanworks, like images, audio, video, etc., it's only as good as wherever the media is being hosted. With the way hosting sites come and go, or change their TOS to nuke nsfw or queer content, etc., it makes me wonder
how many broken image links litter AO3 at this point. I know it's not considered the primary place to find fanart, but a lot of folks do post images thereâfor events like Big Bangs, as standalone art, and even as decorative section breaks, etc. My question is: do you think there's a way to look at, say, works tagged with #fanart (of which there are 99,504 atm) and determine what percentage of those are broken links? From what little I understand, one would have to (perhaps with the use of a simple bot?) try to open any link bordered by the <img src> html, and see what portion of those return an error versus what ones actually load? I suppose it could even be something like looking at fanart posted in 2007, 2012, 2017, and 2022 to compare how many older links are broken versus newer links. Anyway, this may be completely unfeasible, but I figured I'd ask about your thoughts! Thanks!
Ooh, thanks for the great question! I took a while to answer because I wasn't initially sure what to recommend and ended up gathering some data to investigate. (If anyone else also has relevant data, please share in the notes!)
I liked your idea of looking at samples different years going back, and I decided to look through 100 AO3 works tagged "Fanart" (or a subtag) that were posted 10 years ago -- as a very fast starting point, I didn't even take a random sample of works, I instead looked at the first 100 multimedia fanworks posted in July 2014. (And August, when necessary; see more notes on methodology at the end.) Please keep in mind that this sample that may not be very representative of AO3 more broadly; to get better estimates, more sampling would be needed. Based on this initial data gathering (and the fact that most fanworks on AO3 were posted within the past 10 years), I would tentatively guess that that most fanart, fanvids, and podfic on AO3 still have accessible multimedia.
Given how many broken links and embeds there are on older webpages, I assumed that a ton of the links from 10 years ago would be broken. But I was pleasantly surprised by the results:
Wow -- 10 years on roughly 90% of the multimedia still works! I was honestly floored; I'd been originally planning to also look at 5 years ago to see how much better that was, but if ~90% are still working 10 years on, 5 years ago doesn't have room to be dramatically better. (However, I'd love to see more follow up sampling across different years to find out.)
There were a lot of AO3 users in this sample who posted multiple works -- some posted as many as a dozen multimedia works in July 2014. I didn't want the results to be overly skewed by any one fanwork creator, so I also redid the analysis with just one work from each unique creator:
Okay, cool, those results are pretty similar. I also did some further breakdowns on this smaller set of works to look at which hosts creators were using, and how many of the hosts were still working:
The most common fanart host used in this sample was Tumblr, then wixmp -- which I think from some very quick googling might be because Deviantart switched to using Wix for image hosting at some point? (i.e., I think most of those artists may have posted their art on Deviantart, then linked to/embedded the image on AO3, and the image's direct URL was was wixmp.) There were a few other hosts at the time that were used by 5+ different artists in the sample, and then there were a whole lot of hosts were used by just one or a few artists.
Most of the 10-year-old fanart is still up for all of these hosting categories! Photobucket is the least reliable of the most commonly used hosts. In the Other category, 25% of the links are broken, but that's still better than I expected (see full host list here).
This is getting long, so I'm moving the breakdowns for fanvids and podfic beneath the cut:
Fanvids were almost all hosted on YouTube, Vimeo, or both (the above categories are not mutually exclusive). All the Vimeo links still worked, whether they required a password to view or not. Most YouTube links were working, and the few missing ones had almost all been taken down by YouTube for copyright reasons (according to the errors I got -- I'm not rendering judgment about whether they were actually fair use), rather than by the vidder who posted it. And almost a third of vidders also linked to other hosts besides the big two, but many of those links were broken; 59% still worked. (see full host list here)
For podfic, mediafire was a popular solution 10 years ago, though many podficcers used it as a backup rather than the main link that they shared. A lot of podficcers made use of a fandom hosting site that specialized in podfic -- either parakaproductions.com or audiofic.jinjurly.com. Four podficcers used soundcloud (often as a backup). And once again there were a lot of less-frequently used hosts, often used as backup links; 69% of those still worked. (see full host list here)
Some methodology notes and further thoughts:
For fanvids and podfic (but mostly not from fanart), the fanwork creators tended to provide multiple links, and in those cases, I counted the multimedia as working if at least one of the links was still working.
I counted embedded media and links to other sites that host the media all the same way.
I counted the media as broken if I got a 404 when I tried to visit it, or if a site like YouTube had taken it down due to copyright issues, or if I got an Access Denied message for a site like Google Drive.
I counted the media as working if it required a password that was given on the page (common with Vimeo), or if an embed was broken but there were working links to other sites.
How representative is this data? Well, these samples contained most/all of the multimedia fanworks posted in July 2014; that month, there were 70 fanvids, 135 podfic, and 186 pieces of fanart posted that haven't been deleted since. So it's pretty representative of July 2014 specifically. :) But there could have been, say, a fanwork challenge going on in July 2014 that caused unusual uploading patterns then.
The above data gathering and analysis took me several hours over several days. If you want to follow up, you could do more data gathering similar to what I did (I'm happy to elaborate on my process as needed). Or you could write a bot to do something similar; you could have it fetch more AO3 fanworks and try following the links within each work. However, that would be slightly tricky; I ran across more kinds of errors and complicated situations than I expected (e.g., if a YouTube video has been taken down due to copyright, it still has a working YouTube page; sometimes an embed is broken, but if you open the link within the embed in a separate window, it still works fine; many Vimeo links require a password to test, and it could be hard for the bot to reliably find the password in the surrounding text). So you'd have to program your bot to be able to handle a bunch of different special cases.
Regardless of which path you are considering, if you or anyone else does any follow up work here, I encourage you to start by looking through a bunch of fanworks yourself and deciding which scenarios you want count as "working" vs. "not working," and any other things you want to pay attention to.
Hope that helps, and please feel free to DM me with follow up questions. And if you follow up, please share anything else you figure out in this space!
#ao3#fanart#fanvids#fanvid#podfic#embedded media#multimedia#broken links#link rot#fandom stats#toastystats#asks#toasty replies#op#to archive#I have a bunch of ~recent stats I need to backup to ao3#but not yet!#50#100
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Bound to happen || Billy the Kid x reader
Summary: Billy knew what would happen when burping his newborn child, yet he still insisted on doing it anyways.
Warnings: vomit, breastfeeding? I think thatâs abt it.
Wc: 373
A/n: I wrote this for the second time because I accidentally clicked onto a notification from tumblr and it didnât save đ
Divider by @pommecita
You sit in the cozy rocking chair, cradling your three-month-old daughter, Kathy, in your arms. The soft glow of the lamp in the corner casts a warm light, creating a serene atmosphere in the room. As Kathy nuzzles against you, finding comfort in her motherâs embrace, you catch a glimpse of your husband, Billy, watching with a curious and intrigued expression.
Billy has always been fascinated by the wonders of the female body, and the act of breastfeeding seems to captivate him. You can see the admiration in his eyes as he observes the gentle bond between you and Kathy. Itâs a quiet moment, filled with the subtle sounds of your daughterâs content suckling.
âEver think âbout how incredible it is, what your body can do?â Billy breaks the silence, his voice filled with wonder. You glance over at him, a smile playing on your lips. âAbsolutely,â you reply, feeling a sense of pride in the marvels of motherhood.
The fascination in Billyâs eyes deepens as he continues to watch. After a while, he shifts in his chair, a newfound determination on his face. âMind if I give it a shot?â he asks, a playful glint in his eye. You raise an eyebrow, amused by his curiosity. âBreastfeeding might be a bit challenging for you, dear,â you tease.
Billy chuckles, âNot that, but how about burping? Can I try burping her?â You nod, âOf course you can, Billyâ passing him your precious bundle. He carefully takes 3 month old Kathy from your arms as sheâs practically swallowed by Billyâs arms.
Billy, now holding Kathy with a mix of uncertainty and excitement, positions her against his shoulder, You watch as Billy gently pats Kathyâs back, slightly rocking her. âThis is fun-â Billy freezes as he feels something drip down his clothes back.
You stifled a laugh as he shuts his eyes, his nose crinkling from the smell. âJesus,â He groans as you grab a cloth and wipe his back, Kathyâs staring at you over Billyâs shoulder with her blue doe eyes. âWell, thatâs a first,â he says, glancing at Kathy, who looks equally surprised by her own actions.
After you finish wiping his back and Kathyâs mouth, Billy readjusts her in his arms. One hand behind Kathyâs head while the other was just under her bottom. Kathy looked up at her father with an innocent expression. âHow could I get mad at you, darling?â He sighs, kissing her cheek as she breaks into a smile. You look over Billyâs shoulder just as your daughter smiles, Billy and you aweing over her cuteness.
#fanfiction#tom blyth#billy the kid x you#billy the kid 2022#billy the kid x reader#billy the kid fanfiction#billy antrim#william h. bonney#william bonney#william h bonney x reader#coriolanus snow#the hunger games#tom blyth imagine#coriolanus snow fanfiction#tom blyth x reader#the hunger games the ballad of songbirds & snakes#billy the kid#soft!billy the kid#billy the kid imagine#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#young coriolanus snow#coriolanus snow imagine#coriolanus fanfiction#young president snow#billy the kid smut
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THAT POST ABOUT CLEANING IN THE FLOWY DRESS? THINKIN ABOUT HANK? HNNNGGG PLEASE I BEG OF YOU
NSFW!Beast/AFAB!reader. - NSFW HCs! I was already on it when I got this ask heehee. These hcs were originally suppost to be part of another NSFW request I got for him but I was thinking about this too hard and comepletely forgot the actual theme of the req! So I decided to save it for later and just post it under your ask lol Anyway I need him my god. I was writing this while picturing watxm Hank but I'm pretty sure it works for any version. TWS: MDNI!!! smut under the cut. PNV smut. Eating out/head. Cum descriptions. Reader written with Fem in mind and also wearing a dress is mentioned, but overall no pronouns used. Creampie. Getting caught after the fact but not during the deed.
Okay, We all know that Logan has incredible stamina, and there's quite a few mutants that you would just expect that from anyway, but I'm 100% sure the one person that a good bit of people would NEVER expect to have insane stamina in bed is Hank. Like yeah he's nerdy, but dude straight up went to college on a SPORTS scholarship on top of his academic ones.
There is no fucking way this man has anything other than the most insane stamina. Dude is the perfect package of nerdy genius and athletic perfection. Can you imagine how long he could go on for in bed?? While you're sweaty and absolutely exhausted he's having the time of his life. Sure he's sweaty to but he's still. fucking. going?? It's like you'd been having sex for three minutes instead of four hours. He obviously gives you breaks and takes care of you, keeping you hydrated and such- but every time he begs you for "just one more". He's so gentle when he's gathering up your limp body and he's kissing your temples and forehead and massaging your tender spots, but he's a scientist at heart. He wants to know how far the two of you can really go, and he wants to know BAD.
I saw in a post somewhere on tumblr that he mentions that the one thing he doesn't have control of is his libido or something like that? It was from a comic snapshot so obviously this isn't even a hc it's fully cannon I don't make the rules.
THE FUCKING PHEROMONE THING!! For those of you who don't know, Hank was confirmed to have some minor Pheromone manipulation abilities. Like oh my god?? I definitely think that he will use it in sweet ways where he just wants some cuddles without asking you for them, but I feel like when he's hot and heated he just subtly does it without even knowing. Like he's super pent up one way and for some reason every time you greet him or pass him by you just start having more and more inappropriate thoughts about him. He'd feel so guilty if he catches himself doing it but at the end of the day, you don't really mind. Don't think too hard you beautiful big guy, can we just fuck already??
He will absolutely use his strength to hold you in any position possible. As long as you're both comfortable with it no position or hold is off the table for him. I don't think he'd be into BDSM or anything that has to do with hurting you, but I do think he's the type to read through the kamasutra and want to try all the positions to find the one you both enjoy the most.
He will fuck in the lab. He might do a whole "Oh my! Not in here, dear ;)" But most of the time he's instigating it! Sure he makes sure to lock the doors and everything but he's not shy when he has you splayed across his work tables, bent over you as he gently kisses and brushes his fangs over your skin. He likes how flustered it makes you.
He also cums A LOT. Like a lot a lot. He's most certainly got the heaviest balls you've ever seen, and they're not just for show. Every time he cums inside he causes you to practically overflow, and he's usually still cumming when he finally pulls out of you as well. He's a little embarrassed about it, and will clean you up very well because of that. He doesn't want you to deal with the sticky feeling of it drying on your skin, especially not if you have sensitive skin/texture issues. He is defiantly down to eat his one cum out of you though ;)
also, I think that he has a thing for long flowy dresses. I know there's a ton of dudes who say they like them bc of "easy access", and I know for a fact that Hank would find that sort of mindset disgusting. He just loves how beautiful and feminine you look in them, and also just happens to really enjoy the feeling of the fabric against his arms as he hitches up your skirt, his hands trailing up your thighs. As depraved as it might be, he also likes giving you head underneath your long skirts. He'd be apologising for being so ravenous and thanking you for letting him have you in such in intimate manner, all while giving you the most earth-shattering head. He's just so sweet about everything in the bedroom I swear.
    You swear you didnât fully expect to be in this exact situation when you were getting dressed this morning. Sure, you knew exactly how much Hank loved to see you in sundresses and were definitely going for a certain reaction out of him, but you never would have expected to be pinned against the wall of his lab, his large hands cupping your ass and thighs as he holds you suspended whilst using the wall as leverage. His thick cock is pumping in and out of you at a quick, needy pace. He goes back and forth from biting his lips and letting his moans and groans ring out and echo in the cluttered space. Youâd never done this position before, although you certainly knew that Hank had more than enough strength to pull it off. Still, you were sure that the image of him fucking you, hands beneath your long skirt as it bunches at your hips and drapes down below you, was certainly a sight to behold.
    âAh- Please, let me know if this is uncomfortable in any way- nhg⌠Iâm sure your anatomy is taking me quite⌠deeply, in this position.â Hank grunts, his thrusts deep and steadily paced in a manner in which he knows you like best. You smile at him, desperately trying to keep your eyes open as your hands clench and unclench on his shoulders every time his thrusts catch you Just right.
    âIs that what youâre calling it now? âStudyingâ my anatomy?â You muse. You wonder if he had noticed you catching on to the glances and stares he does when he thinks youâre not paying attention. You purposely poke your chest out as you mention it, and Hank huffs in amusement before he buries his face into your semi-exposed cleavage, licking and sucking as he shifts your weight onto one hand as the other takes hold of your cheek. He puckers your lips, nipping at the top of your breast before he pries himself away, sending you a smug smile as he leans in teasingly close.
    âYou know, I really think we could be using that quick tongue of yours for something a little more useful than backtalk.â Hank chuckles. He kisses you in a way that leaves you breathless, still holding you effortlessly even with a single hand as he keeps up his thrusts. His free hand drifts down to your clit as your walls begin to flutter and clench around him, a sign that he knows means youâre approaching your peak and fast. His kisses match the intensity of his hips as he closes in on his own pleasure. You cum barely a second before he does, his cum warming your insides as he cums, and cums and cums. He overflows your cunt quickly, and it drips down your legs when he pulls out. Hank makes sure to help you keep your balance when he sets you down, your legs shaking from your orgasm but also a bit numb from the position he had you in. He kisses you gently as you recover from your high, doing so over and over again all across your skin. The gentle touches make you giggle a bit.Â
    âHad a feeling that we would end up like this today. Maybe I should wear dresses like this more often.â You hum. Hank chuckles deeply before drawing you into another sensual kiss, his hands stroking up and down your now-clothed body in a loving way.
    âI wouldnât mind testing that theory.â He says when he separates from the kiss. You shake your head at him, laughing a bit more as you cup his face with love.
    âOf course you wouldnât.â You say sweetly. Hank is smiling at you, his hands beginning to wander again right before the two of you hear a mortifying swish of the doors. Hank quickly tucks himself back inside his pants before the two of you instinctively turn to face the door where Logan is standing with a bit of a confused look on his face.
    âLogan! We were just-â
    âHey, Logan! Nothing to see here!â Both of you are scrambling to fix the situation, utterly and spectacularly failing as Logan takes one sniff of the air and then smirks.
    âIâm all for a bit of risk, but at least lock the door, lovebirds.â Logan gives the two of you a sardonic wave before marching straight back out the door. Leaving both you and Hank more than a little mortified. As embarrassing as it was, you canât help but begin to laugh, Hank joining you as you shake off the adrenaline of technically being caught red-handed.
    âLetâs go wash off before we have any other unexpected visitors,â Hank suggests. You agree wholeheartedly, your laughter picking up once again as he lifts you off the ground in a bridal hold to head to the showers.
#I do have to say he was definitely about to lift reader back up and eat them out till the cows came home before Logan interrupted#x men comics#x men#x men headcannons#x men 97 x reader#x men 97#beast#beast x men#x men beast x reader#x men beast#x men beast headcannons#x men beast smut#hank mccoy#x men hank mccoy#hank mccoy x reader#hank mccoy headcannons#hank mccoy smut#wolverine and the x men
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