#I think I just enjoyed the process but was disappointed with the outcome lol

[simonsezsewart]

My last two brain cells <3

(Timelapse + alt versions below)

Song: Long Long Long Journey - Bill Wurtz

Bruh I struggled for over two hours on WW’s sketch, meanwhile the entire Vash drawing took two hours total… whoops 💀

But hey! Look at all the colors in their hair! It’s like little rainbows… ;w;

(Sketches so yall can see what I’m talking about in the tags 💀)

[playingforever]

your streams was my first impression of little nightmares so i was going in Blind, but i had been interested in getting into it for a while so im very glad you streamed it! anyways, i had a little confusion when earlier in the game you were like.. "lol, foreshadowing the timeloop.." and it made me so O-O UNTIL I SAW THE VERY END AND REALIZED: wow thin man is mono. i was soo shocked. so, OnTo the question, what was your first reaction to finding out thin man was mono like? were you shocked, not shocked, expected it, etc? how did avvy feel, too? it was such a nice plot twist so im very curious !!! - retrospring ask [link]

Hahuuu~ ah I'm amused that this was your experience, I'm um glad if our errant commentary as we were playing wasn't like ruining the experience for you or anything kfkfk...

Me and Avvy were first watching Little Nightmares through some letsplays done by a vtuber girlie we like (Hiyo-chan, a member of KittenParty.) This was because, I'm actually quite sensitive and easily put-off my by horror, so the 'padding' of having a silly anime girlie play the game was helpful. I have nightmares easily (ironically enough...) so when I imbibe too much horror, I can be left ah, anxious, restless, unable to sleep, kind of plagued by my own mind for days... 9_9; My problem is, I'm also intrigued by horror concepts, due to my interests... so I've always been curious about Little Nightmares as a series, actually. It's just always been a big question of, if I could even handle the experience...

Typically, I like to go into games blind, and experience the narrative unfold in real time. I would have preferred experiencing LN this way, but alas, I couldn't steel myself to boot up the game once, even after having gotten it for free years ago. So in the end, it just was a serendipitous thing, that I was already watching a lot of streams from KittenParty members, and Hiyo-chan happened to have played LN1+DLC+LN2. I thought, sure, why not finally get into that...? Might as well, if I can't play it... Funny because, as casual putting on the stream was, I still would get so anxious I'd have to look away, and we had to make sure it wasn't too close to bedtime before watching... It was a slow process as a result. 9.9;

We got through LN1 and enjoyed the ending of that one. As we were watching LN2, it felt less 'tight' by comparison... hmm, like, less thematic?? As a result of no longer being in the singular environment of the Maw. We started to get this feeling like 'wait, what's the theme here? What's the point of this all?' So I remember we actually paused midway through the Hospital chapter (after dealing with all the Patients to get the fuses.) Anddd we just like, reconvened, read ahead to see what the ending was. Hmm, it's a little funny looking back... because I remember we were simply feeling like 'ehh, is this all worth it?' ... where are we going... Mm but this happens sometimes, I mean I had to stop my playthrough of OMORI and spoil the ending for myself, because I was starting to feel unsure if it was 'worth it' to continue sitting through. TBH, it doesn't even have to be that a game is Bad, I'm just umm a sensitive person so, I think the more invested I am in something, the more I'm wary about being overly invested & then being disappointed by the outcome... [sniffs] And well, I'm also fussy and picky, so I can admit that sometimes I am impatient to learn whether or not something is going to feel like a Waste of Time... Much to read and watch you know, don't wanna lose braincells to frustrating things.

... all that said... Learning about Mono becoming the Thin Man was intriguing. And umm, amusing also, loll like, wait, whahhh? Why is the little lad becoming slenderman what's up with that... Watching footage, the scenes involving the Thin Man were simply cool, I liked the feel to them. What does it mean that the enemy that Mono and Six face is actually Mono...? We finished watching the game and then dwelled on it, some. This way of processing the twist meant that it kind of came to me 'slowly'... I wouldn't say I really felt the impact of playing it all in a continous sitting & then receiving it. However, it's meant that over time, I've appreciated more and more, the sequence of events leading to that reveal. I think everything from Six being kidnapped > confrontation with the Thin Man > Signal Tower + destroying Monster Six's music box > the finale of Mono being dropped & steadily becoming Thin Man... All very compelling-!! I suppose, I think it walks you through all the emotions you're SUPPOSED to feel...

'NOO nooo not Six!! Ooh give her back... I'll save you Six!! This awful ghoul has taken you from me... Whoa-!! These crazy powers I am gaining...?? Ohh.. Oh noo Six what happened to you? Eh... ahh... break her music box?? ;; Ahhrh is this right? But, I guess I have to do it... NOO Six whyyy?? Why did... o-oh. Oh, okay, I guess, I guess that's, why...'

And ultimately I must enjoy what it says about Mono, that at the end of this journey... He, simply chooses to perpetuate this cycle, that with all the knowledge of what's happened, he will still be stuck in this loop. It's a satisfying ending that retroactively makes the game more interesting to rewatch, again and again... Really, I feel that LN2 did so good at what it set out to do, that even the events of LN1 are more compelling because of it — even if, initially, I was feeling that 1 had a stronger experience.

I guess you can just imagine me and Avvy really pouring over this stuff, spiritually swirling our wine glasses, discussing it for days on end... Really enjoye it. Enough that it has motivated me to, essentially overcome my paralyzing fear of the game, and instead just receive it as a fun story. Enough that I had to play it myself! XD Soo strange to think about really... that hasn't happened before.

[notbrookesbooks]

Just wanted to let you know how much of an inspiration you were to me. I never thought I'd convince myself to try learning how to write all over again... but I'm extremely happy I found this book. You. I may only be on chapter 24, but my appreciation for you is almost maxed out. From some of these posts, I can tell that I may be disappointed with the ending, but here's to hoping I'll be satisfied with the outcome of this already chaotic but deeply interesting mess.

After showering you with compliments, I will ask my question LOL. Have you considered finishing it? I know it's discontinued, but if you were anything like me your entire mindset could have changed in a few years, suddenly giving you the urge to complete an old project from the sheer boredom you've faced for however long.

So sorry for the wait, I don’t really answer or look at things here anymore. I’m more than willing to talk about my works (past & present) on my main account: @notbrookie

I’m just keeping this blog up for memory-purposes, and for those who are enjoying the book and would like to view fan art. That’s really it.

I’m so touched by your comment!! It’s unreal how popular it got, and while I’m not too proud of how it ended, and lost my path, I’m to this day floored by how well it did. There were a lot of inconsistencies, plot holes, and just overall situations that were tied to the book in a way that is just too taxing for me to write.

When I decided to end DD, it had gotten to the point where it just wasn’t fun anymore and felt more like a job rather than something I loved sharing with people. I was 18 when I wrote that first chapter, and now that I’m 23 I can tell you that I’m never going to finish it. It’s a part of my life that is bittersweet and I feel has found its place buried in my past.

I even took my name from it, so it’s a stand alone fic.

I’m currently in the process of writing a new book based around my OC Amethyst (or Ame) and that freaking awesome totally rad dude Adam, although whether or not I make a blog about it remains to be seen. Unfortunately while I’ll never finish or touch DD again, it’s opened a lot of doors in my life that have previously closed.

Thank you all, genuinely. I think about the community I’ve built all the time, and it’s overwhelmingly wonderful,

Feel free to follow my work on A03 under my name ‘NotBrooke’ !!! Or join the discord!

See you, space cowboy

[foxymoxynoona]

TMWC CHAPTER 11 HAD ME GIGGLING AND CACKLING AND FOLDING SO HARD FOR THESE TWO. First of all, i love how jk is trying to solve the enigma “how to treat best friend as girlfriend” when the solution was to treat her the same way + kisses and sex. Relationships where partners are each other’s best friends are the absolute best❤️‍🔥 I also find it so cute they are making it awkward because they have been staying away from relationship territory for so long and they’re still afraid of overstepping a boundary but really they just fucking looooooove each other.

And we see that in the smut scene FUCKING FINALLY. Just so you know, when I’m reading smut my face is usually like this “😐”, but this time I got stuck with “🤭☺️🥺”, I hope emojis will convey the emotion.

And two of my favorite moments from this chapter:

1. “Is it in?” “Are you… are you fucking with me right now?” FOXY THE WAY I DIED LAUGHING THIS IS PEAK COMEDY I’M DECEASED.

2. “A clean dick is romantic. My gift to us both.”Flux JK you know I don’t want to be petty but… take notes from the other you from another universe 🥰

Anyway, I enjoyed this story so much. Best friends to *apparent* one sided love to enemies-ish to lovers is a trope that never disappoints. There’s still the epilogue left and I can’t wait to read it and celebrate another successfully completed story!! By now you know the process: completed foxy story -> my kindle👀

🌸

Same way + kisses & sex - maybe a little of the asshole behavior LOL. God I Miss writing his stupid mouth. "If your date is ruined it's not going to be because of your arms" or whatever he said 😂😂 At least we know Alex can whip him into shape.

Flux JK is staring wide-eyed at fuckboy JK in all ways, I think 🤣 I was just talking with a friend last night about fuckboy JK being pretty upfront and open about all things sexual, so he'd b really bold talking to FluxJK about sex safety and all that and FluxJK just wilting with shame and embarrassment 🤣🤣

Sigh, that is it in moment... throat punch to JK's ego.

It's be really fun writing this trope! I'm not sure how much I nailed the expectations of it but I hope everyone has had a good time and Alex seems beloved so that's really the best outcome.

Now I gotta figure out an apology for my man Hobi...

[thithesandofferings]

**Title: "If i knew stuffing your hole would get you to practice, I would've definitely found a better use for it."

**Characters: Gohan x Future!Trunks

**Synopsis: Trunks comes to his old master Gohan wanting...different training.

**TW: MDNI 18+. Blowjobs. Throat Training. Gohan being stressed out. Gohan has a big dick, its canon-ive seen it. Dirty Talk. Trunks being a little greedy. Come. Thats it. AU where Gohan isnt married with kids lol

"Come on Trunks, yea j-just- fuck just like that. Use your tongue a little more" Fuck, he should have done this sooner. Having the impenetrable Trunks on his knees for him, practically sucking his soul out from his dick, has been made for an enlightening experience.

There's no way they can go back to normal training even if they wanted to.

:read more:

Especially since it was Trunks who had come to Gohan earlier, face flushed and twisting his fingers, asking his old master if he'd had any experience in throat fucking. That if he could "uhm maybe show him a few pointers". Gohan is almost embarrassed to say that he about ran to an empty room, dust permeating in the air and choking him in the process. But he cant hide his glee, not since Trunks has grown into a fine man. He has a hard time making sure his dick doesn't twitch when Trunks holds him down, and now he's asking him to throat train him? What a day to be alive.

"The key is to breathe through your nose when I pull out Trunks- while i want you choking and gagging on my cock, it wouldn't do you well to pass out from it." And god if trunks wasn't looking up at him, hanging on to his every word, like he hung the moon and stars.

And of course Trunks is a natural, mouthing Gohans dick, making it slick and shiny in the dim lighting. Humming and licking the tip, smirking when he feels the heated flesh jerk on his tongue. Whimpering when the splash of pre hits his lips. Licking it up almost immediately before taking his old masters pink head in his mouth. Gohan knows he's on the little bit of the bigger side, but fuck Trunks was taking him down like a champ.

"If I knew stuffing your hole would get you to practice, I wouldve used this mouth a lot sooner." Gohan grabs the back of lavender strands and fucks his hips up into his tight- very wet throat, shuddering when he glances down and sees the tears prickling in Trunks eyes.

"Shhh, its okay pretty, gonna fuck your throat yea? Gonna make love to it, make this cute hole fall head over heels for me" He squeezes the base of his cock to stop the oncoming orgasm when he hears Trunks whine and grip his hips harder- forcing Gohans cock deeper making sure he feels the muscles convulse around him.

Of course he thinks Trunks looks the prettiest like this, teary eyed and flushed red. Stuttering breath and wet suction noises when Gohan controls the up and down pace. He was probably enjoying this more than Gohan was, the look of satisfaction makes it seem like he'd planned for this outcome all along. Pretty blue eyes rolling back when does a particular hard thrust and his cock jerks in his throat.

"Greedy for it aren't you? Want me to come on your face hm? Wanna feed it to you after" And that has Trunks pulling of his cock- immediately bereft. Making Gohan automatically want to apologize and ask if he was being too rough.

"You're not going to come in my mouth? I-i was hoping that.." Gohan thinks that he may have come and died right there. Trunks couldn't even look at him saying that, but he can tell the flash of disappointment at the thought of not getting to taste his masters come.

He wanted to make Trunks choke on every last inch of his cock, to make him hungry for nothing else but his come.

"You're gonna swallow it all right? Taking my time and my cock just because you're so greedy for your master- youll take your prize wont you?" Fuck he's so close and it doesn't help that Trunks is nodding and affirming what he says while trying his hardest to get back to his dick. Satisfaction bursting into cloudy blue eyes when he latches onto Gohans flushed and leaking head. Hums imploringly, asking silently if Gohan would help push his cock further down the mans throat.

"So good" Gohan grits his teeth to not let a string of moans "Wanting me to fuck your throat and taste my cum, yea pretty? You'll get it don't worry" Trunks nodded best he could with Gohan guiding his face to his hips, making encouraging noises when the pace speeds up.

Gohan knows Trunks will be sore for at least a week with the way he's fucking harshly into his throat, spit spilling from the lilac haired man- just to make the pace even faster. He'd been hard the second Trunks touched him, there's no way he's lasting any longer.

It wasn't Trunks soft mouth that made him gush. He felt rubbing pressure on his right leg and the very thought that Trunks was getting off to sucking his dick sent him over without warning. Trunks seemed prepared because he gripped Gohans muscled thighs even harder, forcing his old masters dick even further- readily swallowing all his come.

He has to yank the purple haired boy off him- oversensitive and soaked with spit. Trunks finding it calming to kitten lick and clean up his cock. Not yet ready to say goodbye to it.

Watching hazily, twitching in aftershock, Gohan remembers the humping and sees a mess in Trunks pants. Trunks, who has the gall to look sheepish, mumbles something about liking the way Gohan looked when he was fucking his throat. There's an almost immediate twitch with Gohans heated length and he pulls Trunks up and pushes him towards the wall. Towering over him and silently making permanent plans.

"Awwwh you came from sucking my cock? Gonna give me a reason to really fuck you here?"

Keke~

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi, Charity! I’m not sure if it’s an intuitive (or having a 4 fix) thing, but what is the best way to deal with high expectations? I usually spend a huge amount of time idealizing experiences and their potential, but once they happen I can’t avoid feeling at least a little disappointed.

I think for any intuitive or anyone with a frustration core/wing, life is never quite wonderful enough. I relate. A couple of weeks ago, I planned an outing with two friends that I hoped would hit it off. I looked forward to it and expected to have fun and... it was not, and they did not (they disliked each other, lol), and then I was rather cross the next day because the fun I anticipated never materialized.

It's okay to think about things that are coming up and feel excited for them, but to try and set realistic expectations -- to catch yourself envisioning the perfect wonderful outcome and then asking if this is being realistic or not. The less time you spend envisioning things in your mind, the more of a chance reality has to be interesting. Try not to live it out in your imagination first too much or leap ahead in a relationship and fantasize about your futures together.

You can also remember that your response to a situation is optional. Instead of looking at it like "that wasn't amazing," ask what it has taught you or where you went wrong in envisioning it.

I see people simply enjoying things, appreciating moments for what they are, meanwhile I’m just frustrated.

Are you catching yourself being frustrated the minute it's happening? If so, take a beat. Take a breath. Get out of your mind and into your body. Be present in the moment. If you can't do that, change your thoughts. Look for something to be happy about in the moment. Look for the beauty in reality, the butterfly in the bushes, the way the light plays across your curtains. Make it a habit to challenge and alter your own thinking and look for something to rejoice in. It will seem stupid and awkward at first, and then get easier.

To worsen the situation, once the moment/special event is gone, I start to think about what could’ve been (“if it wasn’t raining that day, it would’ve been perfect”, “i should’ve gone with the flow instead of overthinking everything!”) and to idealize how next experience WILL be different (“I’m doing everything right next time!”),

Is there perfection to be found in the rain? Without rain, the earth would dry up and deprive us of its beauty and sustenance for life. It feeds the trees that create the oxygen we breathe.

Is there something wonderful in over-thinking? Or, can you learn next time to catch yourself over-thinking, take a breath, and decide to GO WITH THE FLOW? What if for one day you just said yes, and chose not to over-think? Would everything turn out surprisingly good?

What is the beauty in an imperfect experience? What joy could you find in it? Rather than idealizing next time, what was great about this time? Maybe it rained, but were the fries any good? Does the rain produce rainbows? The answer to impossible expectations is to learn to experience the joy out of an imperfect situation. Borrow some of the re-framing of 7 and choose to think about the situation, searching for something good instead. Make a practice of it.

but, when next time comes, I repeat the same process, searching for perfection when reality will never match the high expectations created by my own mind.

It's hard, I agree.

I can’t avoid feeling childish when talking to other people about this because they always say things like: “what did you expect? something out of the world, a fairytale?”, so I try to keep it to myself. It generates “are you not having fun?” questions, since I can’t pretend to feel something I’m not feeling (and I certainly expected to feel something very specific during that situation), but no one seems to fully understand what I wanted and, specially, why am I so upset (sometimes I even snap at people unnecessarily just because I’m frustrated).

You can't force yourself to feel things, unfortunately. So maybe just accept that whatever you are feeling is valid. That you are going to have off days. Learn to process these feelings and learn to put what you want into words and then think about whether they are realistic or not (realism -- I cannot control other people or what they do, I cannot control the weather, I cannot control my feelings or XYZ).

I find that writing things down helps me see what's possible and what's unrealistic thinking, in the same way journaling can diminish the level of "scare" present in fearful thoughts. Write down what you expect before an event and read it over. Sometimes how idealistic it is might leap out at you and shock you; and if nothing else, at least you will get your ideas/expectations clarified and less abstract.

If things disappoint you, dig into it. What did I want specifically from this interaction or experience? What I am searching for? Does it have a name or a shape or is it just that "... it wasn't THIS"?

I guess that it all comes from a desire to control things, to make all the puzzle pieces fit perfectly and exactly how you thought they would, but life doesn’t work that way and these situations only make me wish to stay in my own head even more, because “it’s better there anyway”. I know that I shouldn’t focus on the negative side of things, we’ve got to deal with reality even if we wish things were different. Is there anything that could make this easier, though? Thanks, I really appreciate your work and dedication to this blog!

Are you an INJ? If so, becoming more in touch with Se will help you -- learn to get in your body, focus on the world around you rather than in your mind, learn to see the beauty that exists in nature, etc. Real life is amazing, but you have to separate from your expectations in order to see the wonders it holds.

[makeste]

some follow-up thoughts on BnHA 285

1. “at that moment...”

you guys. I still can’t get over this. just -- guys. this is Kacchan telling the story.

he’s not the first character to narrate, mind you. characters like Twice, Tomura, Ochako, and Kirishima have all narrated in the past. but it’s always been past-tense narration of their own flashbacks, or else present-tense narration explaining their thoughts (e.g. Twice in chapter 115). Kacchan himself has done present-tense POV narration before. but this isn’t that. this is past-tense narration of an event that’s happening now. this is the future Kacchan narrating the present day Kacchan’s story.

has any other character done that, aside from Deku himself?? am I just crazy overreacting here, lol. idk but either way it’s cool.

2. “...there were no thoughts in my head.”

there was a post yesterday talking about Kacchan’s big moment at the end of this chapter being a little disappointing because of it being an automatic “my body moved on its own” save on Kacchan’s part. the argument was basically that it made the moment less meaningful because of it being a subconscious thing rather than a conscious decision on Katsuki’s part.

but I disagree! for me the “my body moved on its own” is actually way more impactful. and rather than describing it as “subconscious”, I think the word that fits better in this case is instinct. first of all, even though he says there were no thoughts in his head, we know that’s not exactly true, as we can see for ourselves the images that were flashing through his mind. I’m just gonna list them out:

“I’ll even surpass All Might and become the best hero out there.”

“why was it me who put an end to All Might?”

“I made a pledge! I will achieve absolute victory, every time! we’re taking this 4-0, no casualties! the strong don’t settle for anything less!”

“I’m not gonna lose... I can’t afford to stay a loser!”

“you... you looked like you needed saving.”

thoughts about what it means to be a hero. what it used to mean to him, and what it means to him now. thoughts about rescuing others. about saving to win. thoughts about his failures. thoughts about him and Deku. and last but certainly not least, vivid memories of a moment when he needed someone to save him, and Deku was there.

he has these thoughts, but he’s not aware of himself having them. it happens too fast for him to be able to process. but all the same, his body isn’t just moving here of its own accord. it’s simply that in this instance, it’s not thought that’s driving him, but emotion. at the risk of sounding INCREDIBLY CORNY, it’s not his head that makes the decision, but his heart.

and that’s why it’s so meaningful to me. in this moment, it’s not conscious thought that’s driving him, but emotion, instinct, will. he sees the attack, sees that it will hit Deku, and he just reacts. something at the core of him screams that he can’t let it happen, and he just moves. and to me that’s even more powerful than him consciously doing the math and making the sacrifice play (though I’m not saying I wouldn’t have enjoyed that as well). specifically because it’s a moment where he doesn’t have a chance to think or analyze or panic or doubt. it’s a moment that shows us who he is when you strip all that away from him. he doesn’t have time to get in his own head; he doesn’t have time to feel any fear; he doesn’t have time to think about himself at all. he takes himself out of the equation. he sees that Deku needs saving. and the rest is pure instinct. it’s the most heroic he has ever been.

3. “even if One for All is a cursed power... at the same time, it’s...”

I was wondering what was up with this part, lol. Caleb’s translation makes it much clearer; to Katsuki, OFA is both a blessing and a curse right now. the “cursed” part is becoming more and more obvious with each new chapter. it’s putting Deku in danger; it’s made him a target; it’s destroying his body; and there are other, darker and more dangerous factors also at play that Katsuki doesn’t even know about but fears nonetheless. I honestly feel like he’s been anxious about all of this ever since he learned Deku and All Might’s secret. it’s been on the back of his mind for months now.

but at the same time, OFA is what brought him and Deku back together. sorry, am I getting cheesy again lol. BUT IT’S TRUE THOUGH. All Might’s quirk gave Deku the chance to compete with Katsuki on equal footing for the first time. it forced Katsuki to acknowledge him. and both he and Deku have grown so much on so many levels over the course of this past year, and all of it stems back to Deku receiving this quirk.

and just... fucking look at these flashbacks, though.

unless I’m reading this completely wrong, the gist of this scene is that Katsuki is grateful for OFA because it’s what lifted Deku up and allowed him to try and achieve his dream. the scenes of Katsuki bullying Deku and burning his notebook are contrasted with the scenes of Deku standing up to him and vowing that he won’t be his punching bag anymore. Deku before OFA, contrasted with Deku after. I get the sense that Katsuki feels a lot of gratitude for fate stepping in and working to undo his mistakes before he himself could finally get his act together and start atoning for them as well.

and then that last page is really interesting, because it’s like the “blessing” and “curse” parts of OFA all together in a single image. Deku is going all out against Tomura, giving everything he has, ready to sacrifice himself if that’s what it takes. there’s so much strength there (even though he looks completely insane lmao), but at the same time it’s literally killing him. mixed feelings, for sure.

4. “Katsuki Bakugou: Rising”

last but not least! so there’s quite a bit of discussion going on about what exactly a “rising” chapter actually consists of, lol. Momo is the only other character who’s had one before (at least if you don’t count the movies, and the movie spin-offs). so it’s hard to say for sure with such a small sample size, but if I had to guess, I’d say the “rising” chapters are about characters coming into their own as heroes. Momo’s chapter was all about her letting go of her insecurities and starting to believe in herself. and this chapter was all about Katsuki letting go of both his fear and his pride, and just getting the job done.

in the span of a single chapter, he lets go of every single thing that’s ever held him back. I felt like we really got a glimpse of the hero he can -- and hopefully will, if future!Kacchan the Narrator is anything to go by -- become. he was amazing. he took charge; he came up with a plan that absolutely would have worked if Tomura wasn’t LITERALLY FUCKING UNKILLABLE LULZ; and when that failed, he didn’t hesitate to make the sacrifice play. Bakugou fucking Katsuki, He of Zero Rescue Points, made the fucking sacrifice play. do you even know how much I love that you guys. I love it so, so much.

but of course, when you make the sacrifice play it tends to have the not-so-surprising side effect of getting you ALL FUCKED UP afterwards. so perhaps a less ideal outcome than he would have hoped. but he still did good. and he stopped Deku from getting murdered, and so now hopefully Deku and Shouto can mount some sort of aggrieved revenge counterattack to do their fallen friend justice. time for my other two sons to get to work! maybe Shouto can make Deku some new arms out of ice.

[popsiclemania]

My 2020 in K dramas (+1 J drama)

I began watching k-dramas in 2018 but I’ve never watched as many shows, Korean or otherwise, as I have in this one. 2020 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I think what helps me really enjoy this over Bollywood+Malayalam+ American pop culture I grew up with is that a smirk on the wrong character’s face doesn’t make me seethe with rage and want to burn everything down. It’s not like growing up with SRK on screen and then having SRK wannabes leave you with lifelong trauma in reality. I can just move on. It’s removed enough from my everyday life but still familiar in a generic Asian family way. Does that make sense? It’s not perfect and it’s not free of its own harmful stereotypes and narratives, but there’s enough of the good stuff to make you stick around. This year I fell in love with Nana, Kim Hye Soo, Han Yeri, Park Eun bin, Ahn Eun jin, Kim Bum, Kim Yong ji, Flower Boy’s Go Dok Mi and Search:WWW’s Bae Tami. Cancelled Ji Chang wook (bye). Desperately missed Kim Jae Wook. Had thoughts on Hwang In Yeop, which were mostly heart eyes. Discovered J dramas and fell in love with Cherry Magic’s Adachi.

My year-in-review below:

LOVED

Into The Ring - I am so glad I saved this for a rainy day because it’s exactly the kind of upright citizen shenanigans my unemployed ass needed at the end of the year.

Goo Se Ra thinks the govt should work for the people but that doesn’t mean her own moral compass always points north. Her purpose is to make steady money, and I love seeing her go hard to survive and cobble together what she needs. The thing that really works for me is that she wants to be good, but she isn’t always. And you get to see her be disappointed, upset, embarrassed and hurt from being publicly kicked in the gut as she navigates a job where she appears, on the surface, to be a supremely confident, self-serving, accidental politician. What you see as her naiveté is mostly just her being a regular person in an environment dictated by backhand deals and rich people politics. She gets hit again and again, and you see what it does to her sense of worth to get back up again, how she grapples with her self. And through all this the show is funny?! Se Ra is what writers of manic pixie characters think they are doing and not doing at all. Love her friends, and Jang Hye-jin is *chef’s kiss*!

Hyena - Kim Hye Soo’s Jung Geum Ja is perhaps Se Ra’s older and darker contemporary.  Geum Ja is a survivor and will get what she wants and where she wants to, however many hells she has to cross. She’s single-minded about her success, ruthless and has no qualms about bending morals to get the outcome she needs. She’ll never compromise on who she is or justify how she lives, can build people up and also tear them down, but she also knows care and kindness.

I turned to Signal for more Kim Hye Soo but was disappointed in how the first few episodes seemed to shortchange her. May try again in 2021.

(Highly recommend @saltr0se​’s  fic series which just GETS Geum Ja so well. Fic writers are the best)

Search: WWW (Finished in 2020) - It took me half a year to finish this. I started watching Search in Oct 2019 and raced through the first 6 episodes because I couldn’t take my eyes off the rollercoaster of Bae Tami’s life. And then I had to take a break because it was a little too close to the frenetic pace of my own industry. As @drivingsideways wrote, a lot of Search is premised around ‘patriarchy? who dat?’, which is why watching its politics play out is so fascinating.  It’s also deliciously turmoil-y to watch a very clear-sighted, weathered Tami put on rose-tinted glasses for her romance and then frequently peer over them to evaluate whether it could actually meld into her life.

Catch The Ghost - Kim Seonho oozes charm and perhaps Startup was a showcase of how effectively he can be a typical male lead. But Catch is exactly not that. Go Jiseok and Yoo Ryeong have moulded their lives around to meet their most desperate wishes in life and in the process also left parts of themselves untended. There is guilt, pain and need. Now guess who will tend to whose wounds? Their dynamic is electric even when the central mystery flags towards the last few episodes of the show. I really hope Moon Geun Young is doing well and gets more amazing roles soon. She is so good here.

(Highly recommend @melonatures​‘s fic for putting that sizzling on-screen chemistry into words. HOW?!) Cherry Magic - Stories about painfully awkward people are my jam and Eiji Akaso gets Adachi’s shy, nervy energy so right. Cherry Magic is straight up just 12 hours of 🥺🥺🥺. 

Stranger/Secret Forest - I’ve been devouring the entirety of Agatha Christie’s work this year after Stranger reminded me how comforting murder mysteries can be. I love Bae Doona. I also love characters who don’t get social norms, not always because they are out to flout them but because that’s just not how their mind/brain works. (have to watch S2)

Flower Boy Next Door -  Honestly, the opening scene introducing Park Shin Hye’s character Go Deok Mi sold me on this immediately. An introverted, penny pinching copy editor living alone and working from home thanks to extreme social anxiety? Love. All the side characters are a lot of fun and I’ve never loved Kim Seulgi and Go Kyung Pyo more. It’s a warm show, slowly rounding off the sharp edges of every character.

JUST FUN

The Spies Who Loved Me -  It’s been a year of disappointing rom-coms and Spies kind of quietly turned it around for me. I want to be the fly on Yoo In Na’s wall as she figures how to play her characters. I’ve only seen her in 3 roles but somehow she always manages to be in character arcs that don’t short change her. Spies could’ve been and sometimes is the regular heterosexual fare, but In Na ups the ante over and over again, coming out on top as the smartest person in the room.

ENJOYED WITH *RESERVATIONS*

I have to watch A Piece Of Your Mind again because I don’t understand how Jung Hae In and Chae Soo bin built SO MUCH warmth and crackling chemistry with barely a kiss. I was iffy about how the whole AI thing started off and the tortured musician plotline (angsty male artists will forever be an eyeroll for me).

Park Min Young is a queen who never disappoints and When The Weather Is Nice is everything you want in a winter romance. My reservation was in how they explore so much of domestic abuse and the complex ways its traumatised the women in this family. I’m ok with the characters having imperfect ways of processing and understanding the violence, I welcome it. I’m not ok with the show dancing around whether the pivotal crime was justified/ self defence (it was).

A lot of dramas did this. I loved Han Yeri and Choo Ja Hyun in My Unfamiliar Family, I didn’t like the free pass the show gave their dad’s abusive character. 

Hwang Jung Eum’s comedy style is generally not my thing but she was pretty great in Mystic Pop-UP Bar. But I’m side-eyeing the sanctity surrounding motherhood. Maybe I should read more about babies and Korean folklore.

Hospital Playlist was my comfort watch through June and July. I think its wholesomeness and non-plot writing came at a good time for me. But I noticed then that the throughline for all main characters was moral superiority and hence what I then saw as *wholesomeness*. It’s kind of what makes it a grating rewatch in parts. Plus the real life of misogyny of Yoo Yeon Seok makes me want to push his angelic catholic character off a cliff. (For context, i was raised catholic). I want to continue loving Chae Song Hwa, and for that the showrunners need to stop cornering her with overbearing romantic interests (let that woman breathe! she literally ran away to another city!) 

Hospital is good at creating moments of comfort, so much so that I went to watch Reply 1988 after it, but had to drop it coz I couldn’t get into it. Maybe I’ll come back to it next year.

Once Again is what I call joint family propaganda. What it does well is lay bare the mechanics of living in a society that prizes the heterosexual family structure, the loops you have to jump through to hide when you break its rules and what happens when you are found out. I love the characters, their fights, their frustrations. I just don’t love the validation of joint families. (context: i grew up in an oppressive joint family lol). In my au, Nahee and Gyujin don’t get married again or immediately have children, but take the long route to figuring out how to love the person the other is. Gahee is openly dating Hyo shin and her parents have to figure out how to process her success and her romance. Young dal and Ok boon have to learn to stop dictating their children’s lives.  Joon sun runs his company from home, so his wife Hyun kyung can work on what she wants. Choyeon, Joori and Ga-yeon go back to being flamboyant AF and the market learns to not judge. Gyujin and Jaesok have to actually work on the relationship with their mother and what sent her into depression. Just a lot of learning involved.

Just Between Lovers was a nice watch, i just don’t get how Kang doo and Ha Moon So’s relationship will survive his constantly simmering anger. 

Crash Landing on You was so much fun until the main romance turned angsty, but it gave us North Korean soldier shenanigans and the epic romance of Seo Dan and Alberto Gu that we needed more of.

Tale of The Nine Tailed is probably what Goblin wished it was. I, however, will never be over Lee Rang. (Also, when can gods stop meeting their love interests as babies? Asking for my sanity)

I literally ignored everything in Oh My Ghost except Park Bo Young and Kim Seulgi and it was amazing. 

NOPE

Goblin, Dinner Mate, Oh My Baby and My Secret Romance were a whole lot of NO, NAHI, ILLAAA. 

I loved hate-watching The King:Eternal Monarch with the rest of k drama tumblr but someone please take away Kim Eun-sook’s access to gigantic budgets and all-star casts.

It was painful to watch Do You Like Brahms squander away its potential but I’m glad to be introduced to Park Eun bin. Age of Youth is next on watchlist.

More than Friends to me is only Ahn Eun jin. Someone give her amazing lead roles asap.

Why did Record of Youth do that to Park So Dam and her clothes? Just why

WANTED TO WATCH, BUT COULDN’T BECAUSE *INTENSE* 

World Of The Married, It’s Okay Not To Be Okay, Sweet Home, Extracurricular, Penthouse, Flower of Evil, Lie After Lie

WILL WATCH NEXT YEAR

SF8, Stove League, Birth Care Centre but I’ll start the new year with School Nurse Files coz it looks very good.

[luvjoong]

Can I please have 1 and 48 with joong

hello and thank you for requesting! i’m so so so genuinely sorry for the delay, i’m gonna be honest,, the only reason why it wasn’t up sooner was because i thought i posted it ): i obviously thought wrong because it was still in my drafts lol... but i am extremely happy with the outcome and i hope you i didn’t disappoint for such a long wait!!

butterflies and red cheeks.

✦ 1 & 48 ; fluff ; kim hongjoong

you turned your head slightly to read the time on the clock, about 1:30 in the morning, meaning you had been tossing and turning for the past two hours. your eyes were heavy, but you weren’t restless enough to sleep. the darkness swallowed every little object in your room, but it wasn’t enough to help you close your eyes and drift off into the nothingness of the night.

your eyes were wide open staring at the ceiling above you, getting lost in your thoughts. your ears were open to any little sound they heard: from an owl outside to the small, tired footsteps of your apartment neighbor’s son running to his mother and father’s room to cuddle because of a bad dream. there was an ambulance car faint in the distance, its noise getting lower and lower the farther it drove.

it was one of those nights where the hardest thing to do was to close your eyes and fall asleep.

your lips parted and you groaned, turning onto your side and began to stare at your phone wondering if you should call him. him. kim hongjoong. the kim hongjoong who made your stomach turn at any given moment with just a single smile. the kim hongjoong who always made your cheeks turn the slightest shade of red (of course, he notices and continues to make you flustered). the kim hongjoong whose laugh was contagious, making you fall even harder for him. the kim hongjoong who is extremely gentle to anyone who starts a conversation with him but still knows the right time to crack a small joke. you could talk about him forever, especially after what happened just a few hours ago.

hongjoong had asked you to keep him company while he was home alone working on his lyrics for his new song. you gladly said yes. except the night went in a different direction than planned after cracking a few light jokes to make him smile. after an hour he ended up play fighting with you multiple times, putting his note pad and computer down to squish your body into the couch with his own while you laughed and hit at him to stop. it was endless joke after joke, smile after smile, breathless laugh after laugh.

there was one minute when hongjoong and you finally calmed down, you caught him looking at you so lovingly, his eyes scanning your face with such admiration that it made your heart swell with joy. he was too stuck in his thoughts to process the fact that you were staring back at him that he didn’t realize it until minutes later. that was when hongjoong gave up on his lyrics and you both had a fun rest of the night together until you parted ways and said goodbye.

everyone knew about your heavy feelings for this boy, hongjoong himself was skeptical as well. he flirted with you once or twice, taking note of your reaction.

just thinking about him made your heart jump, and you have had enough of it. you shot up in your bed, hands bunching the sheets. i’m gonna do it. i’m gonna call him.

you stood up quickly, and turned on the lights. yielding your eyes because of the sudden bright light, you begun to pace around the foot of your bed. i’m calling him! no i’m not, what if he’s sleeping or—oh, you shitface, just do it! just call him!

you quickly picked up your phone from the side table next to your messy bed, putting in the password quickly and pressing the green icon to open your most recent calls. your heart began to race with the same questions as before, but you pushed them away and pressed hongjoong’s contact before you could decide not to.

ring

ring

your heart stopped. the ringing disappeared and was replaced with the sound of him.

“hey, y/n, why are you up so late?” he sounded wide awake, making your heart jump. you smiled to yourself, not realizing you hadn’t answered. “y/n?”

“oh, hi sorry. i just wanted to call you because i had a really fun time tonight with you!” you said way too ecstatic.

he chuckled at your enthusiasm. “me too. i don’t think i’ve ever laughed that hard with someone before.”

you giggled and then followed silence.

“hey, you do know that it’s almost 2 in the morning, right? didn’t you say you have work early tomorrow? you should get some sleep, dummy.” your heart jumped at the sincerity in his voice.

“look, you aren’t busy right now are you?” you blurted out, scared of his response. “i know it’s kind of really late, but i really need to talk to you. plus, you know how much i love my nightly walks.”

hongjoong chuckled to himself and flipped through his notebook for a few seconds in silence, thinking of what to say. “i’m still working on these damn lyrics, but—” you smiled “—it can wait. i love being with you, even if it is...” he paused, “1:57 am. i’ll be outside of your building in 15.”

the call ended without a proper goodbye and you threw your phone on the bed, quietly squealing, knowing there were sleeping families near you.

you left your quiet apartment building to be greeted with a wide eyed, innocent smirk from hongjoong in the dark. his nose and cheeks were painted a soft red and his hair perfectly messy. his clothes were the same as when you messed around with him earlier, gray sweatpants and a white long sleeve t-shirt.

he rustled his hands through his hair, remaining eye contact with you, the slight smile still painted on his lips. your heart skipped a beat, seeing him so perfectly comfortable.

“oh my god, i’m so sorry! how long were you waiting out here?” you asked as he cleared his throat, scanning the building behind you.

“no worries, i just got here as soon as you walked out,” he slowly put his hands in his pockets and pursed his lips. ��so, uh,” he tensed his shoulders and turned his gaze back to your eyes and was met with them staring back at him. “shall we walk, m’lady?” he moved his arm, motioning with his head for you to put your arm through his.

“that was disgusting, please don’t ever say that again,” you laughed and connected your arms together.

you hadn’t brought up what you planned to tell him, nor did he ask. knowing him, he probably had forgotten by now because of the corny jokes you’ve shared in the past ten minutes. there were few street lamps lit up, yet it wasn’t dark enough to be scared. the only sounds were stray cat’s footsteps and your own. a light began to flicker, causing you to jump. hongjoong laughed at you and the comfortable silence of the night continued on.

you walked through your small town for a while with little conversation and just enjoying each other’s company. you admired closed shops and listened to the sound of your footsteps in unison with your friend’s, glancing over at him only to lock eyes his that must have already have been looking you.

a small car drove quickly by, lighting up the area and catching hongjoong’s attention. he made a questionable noise, “is that some of the boys? why are they out this late?” you slapped his arm, trying to get his attention before he could call them over— “mingi! wooyoung!” you slapped his arm again, this time earning his attention.

one of the tall, lanky figures turned to your side of the street giving death stares at the both of you. he held a lit cigarette in his hand, inhaling the smoke and passing it off to one of the men next to him. “what did you say to me?” the three others near him turned around to face you two, your heart beginning to race. you had never seen them in this quiet, peaceful neighborhood before. they all looked tall but boney with angry expression. hongjoong obviously upset them, especially the strange man with the up-to-no-good voice.

you told hongjoong to not respond, getting worried that they would kill you both right then and there. you had never experienced anything like this, not even any conversations during the night with strangers. everyone minded their own business. hongjoong agreed and you both started walking again, but you turned your head and the same four men started to walk across the street towards you. you tugged onto hongjoong’s sleeve for him to get the hint that you both should leave.

“y/n, i’m so sorry! i never meant to—”

“it’s okay, but we need to run. now.” you grabbed his hand and took off, hongjoong following close behind you and you both heard the men’s footsteps increase in speed. shit, they’re following you now.

you ran in every possible turn you saw, hoping to lose them but one of them always found you out in the open side walk. they hollered and growled for the both of you to just give up and let them talk to you. your knees were getting extremely weak, hongjoong was panting heavily behind you, and your heart was terrified. that’s when you sped up. something must help you out soon right

just as you turned another corner and they weren’t as close anymore, a small alleyway caught your eye through the darkness because of the glimpse of a cat’s eye sitting right. you hurriedly shooed the cat away quickly, took of your shoe and threw it in a random direction so the men would go chasing after it once they heard the slight sound.

“over there!” you heard one of them groan, and hongjoong pulled you in the small alley with him, chest up against your chest. his eyes grew wide as he looked down at you. they quickly scanned every part of your face once more, eventually returning to meet your gaze. his stare fluttered between your lips and your sparkling eyes as he swallowed and panted. you rested your head on his chest for a brief second, feeling relieved before hearing footsteps again. the way you looked up at him made his knees weak, his eyes softened the longer he looked at you and ignored the current situation you were in.

“no one’s down there, go the other way!” one of them called out dangerously close, hongjoong put his hand over your mouth and you did the same to him. you both remained eye contact, still feeling his chest rise and fall.

once the footsteps died down, he let his hand down slowly, the both of you still slightly gasping for air, neither you or him moving from your current position (not that you could move very much). his eyes stared at your lips this time, not caring that you’ve surely noticed by now.

“so... uh, what did you need to tell me?” his eyes stayed wide, hands pinning yours next to your waist at the brick wall behind you. something in his eyes changed so slightly and you were close enough to see it. he stared at your red nose and puffy cheeks, gulping as he kept fixed his gaze to your slightly parted lips once more. you were pressed against him so tight that he could smell the faint fragrance of your freshly bought perfume that you had sprayed on yourself earlier that day, unfamiliar with the scent. you made his heart flutter all too much.

“fuck it,” he said quietly yo himself yet loud enough for you to hear. you tilted in your head in confusion, but before you could question there were a pair of lips on yours. you immediately recognized the situation and his thought process as he said those words, feeling your heart swell up with love. it happened in slow motion, as if your whole chest swelled up right then and there. you have kissed past lovers before, familiar with the feeling of lips on lips, but this was different and, frankly, confusing.

hongjoong’s lips were heavenly. he tasted of mint and so softly moved his mouth against your patient lips. time felt like it stopped as he wrapped one arm around your waist to pull you even closer than you already were, his other warm hand going to the back of your neck. you felt genuine love run through your every vein and you hoped it wouldn’t leave any time soon. you broke apart to breathe, missing the feeling of his lips on yours.

“you wanted that too, right?” he mumbled while barely parting away from your lips, your foreheads pressed together. you left a soft and short kiss on his lips and nodded instead of responding verbally, earning a shy smile from him. “fuck, you’re gorgeous.”

he laughed against your lips at the sight of how red you had become, you laughing in return and keeping the eye contact you’ve held. he pulled away and ran his small hands through his messy pink hair. “this is not the way i’d hoped to tell you that i have feelings for you,” he chuckled and you smiled at his effort to stop smiling.

you only got two hours of sleep that night, but it was all worth it.

[walkerismychoice]

Stripped Bare - Chapter 17 (Bryce X MC AU)

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce X MC (Charlie Hawkins)

Summary: How will Charlie and Landry react to Katelyn and Bryce’s kiss?

Note: I was debating on doing a more plot heavy chapter and skipping through the smut, or doing just a bit of plot and ending with the smut before continuing on next chapter. Thanks in part to my official series consultant @choicesarehard, I went with the latter, so enjoy a few paragraphs of plot with some gratuitous smut tacked on, lol.

Rating: NSFW/18+

Word Count: 1733

Upon seeing Landry and Charlie, Katelyn pushes Bryce away. “Landry, I can explain! Bryce has had a bit to drink tonight, and he just got carried away.”

Charlie is still speechless, trying to process what is happening here. Last she’d checked, Bryce was fairly sober and Katelyn was the one who was wasted. If this were another time and place, if this were Andrew instead of Bryce, typical insecure Charlie would be crushed and doubting everything right now. But in such a short time, Bryce has taught Charlie to believe in herself and in him. She knows there’s no way this was initiated by him.

“You fucking bastard!” Landry charges at Bryce and takes a pathetic swing, Bryce catching Landry’s fist in his hand.

“Dude, you know I could crush you if I wanted. Take a deep breath before you hurt yourself. This is just a big misunderstanding, and I think your fiance can explain everything to you... in private before you make more of a scene here.”

Luckily for all their sakes they are in a mostly secluded alcove near the restrooms, but bar staff and patrons, including few wedding guests, are milling about nearby.

“Yes, Landry. I think we should go back to our room and talk,” Katelyn says as she bobbles towards him.

Landry sneers at Bryce and then grabs Katelyn by the arm. “Fine, let’s go.”

~~~

Charlie agrees to wait until they got back to the room to let Bryce explain what happened. She kicks off heels and sits on the edge of the bed. Bryce takes a seat next to her and sighs heavily.

"I know it didn't look good, but I hope you trust me enough at this point to know that I never would initiate something like that with Katelyn, especially in the state she was in."

"Bryce... I do trust you, and I think I know you enough by now, and I definitely know Katelyn enough, to know that backstabbing bitch is fully to blame."

Bryce chuckles. "Tell me how you really feel about your cousin."

"You know, I tried with her. She's been awful this whole week, and I thought, maybe, finally tonight she was having a breakthrough and would realize how terrible she's been and that she can do better. But I guess this is who she wants to be now. And you sticking around this whole week and putting up with her just because you want to be with me is a testament to what a great guy you are."

Bryce laces his fingers through hers. "I would have put up with one hundred Katelyn's this week if it meant in the end I could still have you."

"Bryce..” Charlie leans her forehead against his. "I still can’t believe this is real... that you’re real.”

He brings Charlie’s hand up to his chest and places it over his heart, his gaze never leaving hers. “Believe it. I’m one hundred percent real and one hundred percent into you.” Her heart fluttering in her chest, Charlie drifts closer, drawn to Bryce's lips. But before they connect, he stops her. “I think I should wash the Katelyn off before you kiss me.”

“Good call,” Charlie says with terse laugh. She’s still pissed as fuck at Katelyn, but the whole thing is funny, in a pathetic way. Knowing that Bryce has absolutely no interest in Katelyn just makes Charlie embarrassed for her.

“I could probably use a hand cleaning up.” Bryce raises an eyebrow and holds a hand out to Charlie in invitation. “I promised you we’d defile every surface of this suite, and our time is running out. We better get going.”

"You do make a compelling case. That shower is much too big for just one person anyhow."

Charlie accepts Bryce's hand and follows him into the bathroom. She turns on the shower as he brushes his teeth. As she starts to undress, she looks over her shoulder and catches him watching her in the mirror. Her initial instinct is to quick finish the job and hide in the shower, but she knows what Bryce wants to see. She makes a show of slipping her dress over shoulders with a teasing look, and Bryce smirks back at her. It's nothing like a Bryce Lahela strip show - he still needs to giver her that lesson - but he seems to be thoroughly enjoying it nonetheless. Her dress falling to the floor, she turns to the side to give him a profile view, unhooking her bra with one hand and letting it fall away. Finally she shimmies out of her panties, back towards him, and sashays through the open shower door.

Through the fog already condensation on the glass, Charlie can just make out the shape of Bryce's body. She watches him strip down, and is only certain he's completely naked once a uniform color appears over his body. Even though his features are a blur, the building anticipation makes it worth the wait. He opens the door and steps inside, and it's like Charlie is fully seeing him again for the first time - time to fully take him in without the danger of being out in the open, or the worry that she's gazing too long. Fuck, he's as perfect as she remembers, and judging from the current size of his erection, he's not at all disappointed by his view either.

"God, Charlie, you are so sexy." Bryce pushes her against the wall while capturing her lips in a hungry kiss. Then cold against her back is a shock, but her body heat quickly warms the marble tile.

Charlie breaks the kiss and pours some body wash into her palm. “The goal is to clean you up, right?” She lathers the soap over his shoulders and chest, working her way down. His cock twinges in anticipation as she reaches his hip bones and traces along his v-lines.

"I don't think the Katelyn contamination reached all the way down there, but I'm not going to complain."

“Then shush.” Charlie puts a finger to his lips. “Let’s forget about her for awhile.” Her fingers resume their unhurried descent until she finally grasps him in the palm of one hand. Her slick, soapy fingers glide up and over the head of his shaft, eliciting a gravelly groan from Bryce. She continues on, hands alternating one after the other until Bryce grabs her wrists.

“I think I’m plenty clean, now it’s your turn.” With a wicked grin Bryce spins Charlie, around and she plants her hands the wall. She hears some soap squirt out of the bottle before her starts to spread the cool liquid over her back. He presses firmly into her back, massaging the tight muscles and she swears she could almost come from this alone. 

“Mmm,” She moans. “You can just keep doing that forever.”

“But then we wouldn’t get to the good parts...like this....” Bryce says as his hands slide down over the curves of her ass. “... Or this.” His arms wrap around her front side, one hugging her waist while the other expertly locates her most sensitive place. Charlie sucks in a breath as he begins to draw spirals over the hood of her clit. He sucks on her neck and kisses his way up, talking low in her ear. “I could go back to the back massage if you want.”

“Uh-uh,” she mumbles. “This is good.”

Bryce suddenly spins Charlie around and she protests with a whimper. “I didn’t get your front side yet.” Bryce soaps up his hands again, starting at her collarbone then moving to breasts. He lingers there, thumbs twirling over her nipples sending ripples of heat straight to her core.

Charlie grabs Bryce’s ass and presses his body to hers, his hard cock pressing against her abdomen. “I need you, Bryce,” she pleads and kisses him hungrily.

“What do you need, Charlie? Tell me.”

“I need you to fuck me, Bryce.”

“I love this confident, dirty talking Charlie,” Bryce growls, deftly lifting her up with seemingly little effort, Charlie wrapping her legs around his waist. He backs her against the wall for leverage before lining himself up and thrusting into her with a groan. She gasps as he hits her deep. “Too much?”

“No,” she answers, even though it kind of is, but in a good way. It’s pleasure bordering on pain every time he pushes all the way in, and the intensity has her craving more. His pace quickens, one arm bracing against the wall. The angle and the friction are just so that she’s rapidly nearing the edge. “Oh my god, Bryce, more.”

“Fuck, Charlie. Anything you want.” He holds her tighter and thrusts up fast, his grunts and moans signaling he’s getting close as well. The pressure swells inside her until she gives in and lets it go.

“Yes! Oh my god. Yes!” She cries out, her voices echoing on the stone tiles as her walls pulse around him and her hole body trembles, a heady euphoria overtaking her senses. Moments later Bryce cries out as he finds his release inside her.

Bryce sets her down, propping them both against the wall until they get their bearings. He gets out of the shower first and hands her a towel.

“You know, I usually sleep naked. Now that were...together, would you mind?”

“Oh! Umm... no I don’t mind.” Why is she getting flustered over that of all things after everything they’ve done today? “I guess I’ll join you then.”

Bryce grins widely. “Perfect,” he says as he scoops her in his arms and walks her to bed.

Charlie snuggles in next to Bryce and rests her head on his shoulder. “Well this has been an eventful day.”

“I’d say. You think Katelyn will actually call off the wedding?” he asks.

“If you’d have asked me right after our conversation, I would have said yes, but after that stunt she pulled and then blaming you for it? Who the hell knows what she’s going to do.”

“Well no matter what, I got you out of this whole ordeal, so I’m calling this week a success.” Bryce kisses her sweetly on the top of the head.

Charlie squeezes Bryce tight and closes her eyes. No matter the outcome of the actual wedding, this trip has been one of the best things in her entire life.

[thathonleygirl]

The Beginning

November 2019 – June 2020 Background

I decided to start this documentation of my journey into motorcycling for many reasons, mainly because I want to work on my writing skills and sometimes it’s nice to take a break from the mindless scrolling. I also think I’ll enjoy going back and reading this when I’m less of a rookie I’ll be recreating the timeline from the MSF course to the present from memory. I decided to dive into motorcycling as a hobby for myself, and also as a hobby for me to share with my boyfriend of 2+ years, Chris. Ultimately I can confidently say he inspired me to ride on my own and has been so supportive every step of the way.

November 2019 – MSF Class & getting my motorcycle endorsement I remember this weekend like it was yesterday. It was a freezing weekend and I’m out in the parking lot of RCCC bundled up from head to toe. I was happy it was cold because I was super nervous and excited, and heat stresses me out. There’s about 15 of us in the class, and right off the bat everyone is super friendly because we’re all here for the same thing – there was defiantly a wide range of skill levels and reasons for taking the class – but we’re all there for the same class. The two teachers of the class were AWESOME, and I’ll remember them for the rest of my riding career. They took us through the basics – controls, friction zone, etc. and soon we were riding through the first set of drills. My bike was a Kawasaki Eliminator from the 1800’s and it kept shutting off due to the cold weather. It also was impossible to find neutral, even the instructors couldn’t find it – I was just relieved that it wasn’t operator error. At the end of the 1st riding day they both told me they were impressed and proud of how I did – which meant so much to me considering I had never touched a clutch before, lol. The second day was a little rough, but still a success, mainly because I began to overthink every little thing because I knew there was going to be a test at the end of the day. This is when I first learned the importance of your headspace when on the bike, and how too much anxiety can be catastrophic. That being said, I still passed the class and got my endorsement the next week I really wish I had gotten the contact info for the people in the class, but the excitement of passing the class got the best of me.

March 2020 – Meeting Jolene I’d be lying if I said the process of bringing Jolene home was smooth, and the truth is I have a newfound hatred for dealerships and salespeople, LOL. But it was all well worth it. I went to Team Charlotte Motorsports with the intention of buying a Honda Rebel 500 in all black, but was disappointed when they didn’t have the right colors, and the bike just didn’t feel right when I first sat on one. But oh boy, when I first sat on Jolene I knew she was the one and I knew I had to have her. I’ve always been super laid back but when my mind is set on something, I get DETERMINED. After leaving the dealership because the price was too high, I began to obsess. After a week of negotiating and an extra fiery in-person negotiation, I finally got the price I wanted and Chris rode her home the next day. The whole process was rewarding in the sense of getting what I want and not backing down!

March-April 2020 – Attitude Adjustment I was off to a ROCKY start, and a few times I lost a lot of hope and had a lot of “WTF did I get myself into?!” moments in my first few loops around our neighborhood. My bike felt 100x heavier and harder to maneuver than my Eliminator, and my nerves were getting the best of me. I was scared to even let out the clutch at first. But after a few times stalling, I was doing loops in first gear around the neighborhood. On the third round of neighborhood loops, I was having a moment overthinking a left turn from a stop sign, and dropped the bike after it stalled and jerked in the middle of the turn. It was a devastating moment because my immediate reaction was that I just ruined my brand new bike in less than 100 miles, and the salt in the wound was the fact that I couldn’t pick the bike up. Luckily, a good Samaritan neighbor was close by with help, and the bike was totally fine (just wasn’t in neutral so it wouldn’t start). Not even a scratch, I’m a lucky girl. I spent some time feeling sorry for myself and hopeless but that was getting me nowhere. In that moment, I realized one theme in all my “practice” – I was scared of my bike, and was not taking control over her like I should be. I began to try and change my mindset, and just love the fuck out of her like she was my best friend. It’s crazy how much your mental state affects performance, especially on a motorcycle. As my attitude shifted, so did my confidence and success. After endless neighborhood loops and sideways stares from the neighbors, I finally made it out on the road (just down the street to the nearest park, but out of the neighborhood nevertheless! That was a game changing feeling for me. That is what it’s all about.

April 2020 – Real Deal At this point, im still having pretty intense nerves before every ride, but I have made it out of Edison Square (finally). The first ride ALL THE WAY out of the neighborhood was me following Chris who was driving his truck, leading me on what would become my trusty loop. We wanted to take some pictures for Instagram, which I’ve been trying to grow since I got Jolene. The biker community on social media is AWESOME, it’s incredible how many other riders around the world I’ve gotten to share experiences with and learn from, most importantly being able to “meet” other girl riders. Anyways, during that first mini trip following chris I finally made it into 5th gear and got into some twistys, I was smiling so hard in my helmet the whole time. I feel so close to my bike now and with every ride I feel more in tune, and less intimidated by her. I almost feel like she’s a horse or something, lol. We stopped to take some pictures in front of some office building which was empty because Covid – I felt so uncomfortable taking pictures but Chris was such a good sport in trying to get the best angles LOL. The whole Instagram thing has defiantly taken me out of my comfort zone – but so has riding as a whole – and I never want to go back. After this trip, I started going out on the same trip as much as I could, but still was having intense pre-ride jitters – but with every ride, I felt less anxiety and I could actually enjoy and have fun while still learning and practicing the basics. The post-ride bliss, however, was always an amazing feeling and I noticed that on the days I did get out to ride, I felt more at ease and generally better for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, we are still waiting on chris’s bike to be done getting worked on.

May 2020 – First Group Ride We finally got chris’ bike back after SUCH a long time. It’s crazy how much I worry when he’s riding his bike with me driving the car; but I don’t worry at all about myself when I’m riding lol. Side note – I’m such a lucky girl to have chris and he amazes me on a daily basis. I love how he set up the group ride, knew the route we were going to ride and also planned out how we would meet up with our two friends along the way. Before this ride, I finally just felt excited for the ride, and less nerves in the pit of my stomach. I found myself agonizing over which placement in the lineup I wanted to ride in, weighing out the pros and cons of each – I had to keep reminding myself that I don’t know shit, there’s no point in worrying, and just to trust chris (that option hasn’t let me down yet!) Side rant – im realizing as I ride more and more miles that most of my fears have been irrational. It starts with me conjuring up a situation that I feel would be dicey on a motorcycle, then I obsess over all the possible negative outcomes in those situations, and then I obsess over when I will come across them in my journey. So far – I have not been right a single time. For example – left turn at a yellow blinking light – I wanted to actually reroute my ride to avoid this, but when I was forced to do it, I rode through it with NO issues. It’s crazy what a whirlwind our minds can conjure up with little to no reason or backup to support our fears. Long story short, I need to get over myself and go with the flow, and take each learning experience as just that. Again, chris’s patience is remarkable. Back to the group ride – it was awesome. I was again, smiling so hard in my helmet as chris and I chatted through the turns, as he’s telling me how proud he is of me and just having all the good feelings along the way. So glad we went with the Cardo systems, I can’t imagine the ride without them. We rode over 100 miles through the country around Midland and hit a bunch of turns. I got to practice things I don’t necessarily enjoy, like stoplights, a LOT which was great. I still need to work on speeding up my starts especially turning starts. Getting home from the ride was a great feeling, it’s such a high – the post ride bliss. We got to head to the beach right after for a long weekend, which was much needed. We came home from the beach and chris surprised me with a longboard, which I had been talking a lot about wanting lately. Words just aren’t enough to describe how grateful I am to call him mine.

May 26th 2020 – 2nd Group Ride It’s been raining for the past two weeks, pretty much ever since we picked Chris’s bike up from the shop. Side note – Chris and I are doing a watermelon cleanse from Tuesday through Friday, and we were at the end of day 1 at this point. I didn’t realize how much of a toll the fast had taken on me until I started riding, I was overthinking every move I made and just felt unstable overall. Everything just felt harder, and it was such a reminder of how much your mental state affects your riding. Overall the ride was great and I’m so glad we got out and rode though, the country roads were beautiful and the temperature was just perfect at around 70. I guess I need to focus on the positives here – that the ride was beautiful, we didn’t get caught in the rain and I got to experience new roads. And of course got some great pics. I’ve officially become that girl who takes pictures in the parking lot for Instagram, but I really don’t care because it’s been fun building my social media presence.

May 31st 2020 – 300 milestone Well, I finally did it – I hit 300 miles on the bike, the halfway mark to my first 600 mile service, lol. Last night’s ride was absolutely perfect, I couldn’t have asked for better weather (mid 70’s, not humid at all) and feeling the crisp air as I was passing my previous top speed at 60+ mph was an unmatchable feeling. Every time I have a ride like this, I always think to myself, “This is what it’s all about.” My headspace was at a great spot and I felt confident and smooth throughout the ride. My starts were quicker and more fluent, my turns were smooth and I had less anxiety and anxious thoughts about shifting gears and going through the motions of riding in general. It’s crazy what a few days of healthy food and relaxing will do to your mind – this ride compared to the last entry was like night and day. We took the bikes to Mac’s Speed Shop for dinner – I was excited to ride my own bike there. Once we pulled up and Chris quickly whipped around to back his bike into his spot, I was reminded of my severe performance anxiety yet again, lol. I really need to get over the thought of people watching me and get over myself, people are going to watch what’s right in front of them, and a girl on a bike is sort of a rare occurrence. I feel like when people watch me, specifically men, they are just waiting for me to mess up because how could a girl like me be on her own bike? In reality, I’m sure they are barely even thinking about me at all, LOL. That brings me to something I really need to work on in general. I get really anxious when people watch me and I really need to make a conscious effort to work on getting over that. People are not worried about me – I know this – but rational thoughts get tossed out the window when I’m placed in front of a crowd. This trait of mine exists in every avenue of life – whether it is work, play, whatever; and I need to take time to grow out of this. I think it will help me have less social anxiety and will probably help my confidence which will have residual effects like an improved posture and overall sense of stability. I just wonder if this is a habit that can just naturally be broken with practice/repetition or is this something that requires more attention and effort to fix. Wow – such a rabbit hole, lol, but I doubt anyone will even read this. Back to the ride – I have absolutely loved the feeling of making it home from a successful ride, or “post – ride bliss.” Chilling on the couch with my honey after a perfect ride (for both of us) is my ideal Sunday evening. Chris’s longboard finally came in so we were able to skate over and get ice cream before we called it a night. I just love our life together and think that we truly have the perfect relationship that is a mixture of best friends and lovers that just keeps getting stronger and better with time. I am so happy. With our economy tanking due to a virus in our country that’s being burnt down all around us, he is my peace. To work on –faster upshifting –downshift through EACH gear when approaching a stop (stop banging down all the gears without releasing the clutch in between) –get over performance anxiety –work on maneuvering the bike when off (in and out of parking spots, getting gas, backing out of garage, etc) –ride the bike into the garage myself! I’m so blessed to have Chris to help, teach and support me on this journey. He reminds me I don’t need to be able to do everything immediately but still pushes me to learn and become a better biker when he knows I’m capable of doing something.

June 11 – Making Progress Two big milestones this week. The first is installing my mini floorboards, the second being my skills improving on the bike. Last night Chris and I rode to Gamestop to pick up a Tony Hawk game, and I was nervous for the ride beforehand given the newness of my floorboards along with the general nerves I get before a ride. The ride ended up being AWESOME. I made sure to pay attention and downshift completely through each gear when coming to a stop, and I was able to do it successfully most of the time, lol. Also had way faster starts, and beat Chris out of the stop lights a few times. The feeling of just riding with no traffic or light in sight is unmatchable, especially in 5th gear when it feels like nothing can hold Jolene back. During these stretches of the ride, my thoughts are always revolving around THIS being what it’s all about, THIS is riding, and this is freedom. It’s an unmatchable feeling. I also felt good when we pulled into eastfield for dinner because I was able to smoothly maneuver around the parking lot that was semi-full without issue. Also I didn’t need help when leaving the parking spot outside of gamestop. taking rides after work used to be kind of a fear of mine, and I was usually reluctant to take them in fear that I would be too braindead after a full workday. The ride last night, however, proved this fear wrong. I think no matter the time of day, day of the week, temperature, WHATEVER it may be, it’s all about your headspace and that is the greatest determinant for the outcome of the ride. I’m glad that I’m starting to feel less and less anxiety prepping for and starting out on each ride, the stomach aches and general feelings of fear are melting away with every mile in the seat. Soon I’ll be scheduling my 600 mile service To work on be more gentle when downshifting, especially to first. Stop stomping on the poor shifter ride the bike into the garage myself keep improving engine breaking/downshifting completely through each gear to 2nd or 1st

June 13 – Passing 500 on my first real trip So many milestones (literally) passed this weekend! 1 – passed the 500 mile mark & 2 – first 100+ mile trip! Minus one close-call, the whole trip/day was amazing with my love. We first headed out to Asheboro Harley Davidson dealership, stopping at a couple gas stations along the way. I passed my previous top speed and managed to hit 65+ mph, and I don’t know if that was Jolene’s limit or if it was user-error. Aside from the wind feeling like it was going to blow me off of the bike, it felt exhilarating to ride fast on the open highway. After we left the second gas station, I was following Chris (a little too closely) and the left turn we were supposed to take snuck up on us so I locked up my brakes and skidded (loudly) down the street, fishtailing straight down the street, missing the turn. Mid-way through the skid, the only thought running through my head was “fuck, we’re going down.” Somehow either my reflexes or my guardian angel, or a combination of the two, were looking out for me and Jolene stayed upright. Somehow I knew to kind of let go of the breaks and handlebars and let the bike do its thing, and sure enough I was able to straighten out and stay upright. It was a sobering experience for sure, and it took a little while to gain my confidence back for the rest of the ride. Chris is a patient angel though. We made it to the Asheboro Harley dealership to pick up our poker chips and chill for a little bit, and we were surprised to see it was crowded. It’s such a nice dealership though, they had a food truck serving Greek food, free beer on tap and the MSF course happening in the parking lot that we could watch while eating our lunch. Chris and I talked about how we always feel like outcasts from the “Harley crowd” but the people we talked to were nice. It started getting late so we headed out to the next stop, the Moonset general store near Uwharrie and Badin Lake. The rest of the ride was uneventful, and Chris and quickly became exhausted lol. I kept wondering to myself if I would always feel this tired from riding. It’s just such a mental thing that takes your full attention and effort at all times, and being hyper-aware of your surroundings at all times. There’s also the physical side of riding that involves every extremity in unison just to work the bike controls. I think that’s what makes coming home from a trip feel so rewarding. Once we made it home, we got burgers at Eastfield and called it a night after we both fell asleep on the couch lol. We took a short ride to pinky’s after detailing the bikes on Sunday and that was also a great ride. Short and sweet.

June 23 – Ready for 1st Service The more experience and riding I’ve gotten, the less I feel the need to write and blog which is a good thing more time spent actually riding. Passed the 600 mile mark and trying to schedule my service appointment this week after I install my new Vance and Hines pipes on Wednesday, so pumped for the new sound and look. I’m feeling so much more comfortable now riding, still have a few things I want to work on but when I think about the first few times I took Jolene out and compare that to how I feel riding now, it’s almost like I’m a whole new person. The things that used to scare me to death are things I can do without thinking twice now. I’m learning that the faster I go, the more comfortable I feel, and that the fears I used to have are pretty irrational. Over the weekend Chris, his mom and I went on a ride through the country before it got too hot outside. It made me happy to see how happy Chris’s mom was after the ride. We talked about how great of a teacher he is and how supportive he is every step of the way. The next day, Chris, his brother and I went on a ride to Statesville Harley and got lunch at Grouchos (Chris chose for me because I always talk about how ive always wanted to eat there, hehe). It was a great ride, minus almost running over a snake haha. One other biker that was at Grouchos joined in with us for part of the ride home, then another biker on the road joined in too. It was cool to hold up the middle, lol. Chris said I did a good job. The sense of community in the biker world is something amazing and it makes me so excited for the future, and how many cool people I will meet along the way.

[ofcloudsandstars]

Hi! I would love a reading if you have the time. Obviously a lot of things are in flux now, and a huge shift for me is happening for my spirituality and the state of my soul. It feels like they’re the dissolved sludge in a chrysalis, if that makes sense, lol. Can you help me understand what’s going on in there? I find myself thinking about my past lives, my relationship with magic, and sources of my power. Any insight would be appreciated! Thank you so much 💕

Just a general note for now: Reading requests are closed. I will get to the requests in my inbox but just to make sure I can get to all of them and won't be drowned I am closing it lol. Each reading does take a lot of energy so they may take me a while to answer all of them but rest assured if you sent in a request I will get to you!

I will be happy to do a reading for you! It’s a bit long so I did a read more:

1- your general card - Ace of Wands reversedThis card shows that you are beginning a journey within. This journey will help you to revitalize your sense of self and bring more opportunities in the future but it's a process of evolution, self discovery and a journey into your past and present to re-evaluate your spirit and shed what's no longer needed while rediscovering the essential parts before you can move forward. The ace of wands shows that you have the energy and passion there to take on this journey yet you aren't defined yet, your current path isn't clear and you may have a lack of direction. What can help clarify this path is to first focus on where your true passions lie and what your spirit needs. Like most reversed cards, this card encourages self reflection but it's also a card that shows your process of rebirth is on hold until you make these discoveries. Self reflection and realization takes a lot of time, so be patient cause this is one of those situations that it's more about the journey than the destination. If you are feeling lost in the sauce, you are supposed to feel lost in the sauce and take this time to dig through yourself and rediscover what's important to you on a soul level.

2- the cocoons purpose/why you are in a cocoon - Three of Wands reversedLike the previous card, this card is showing that it's time for you to grow and expand, but within yourself before you can spread your wings out in the world. If you didn't take this time to look within and explore yourself, the future will hold less opportunities simply because you would lack the awareness and wisdom to see that they are there. This journey of personal development may take a while (this card is pairing a lot with #4's message) and there could be some creative blockages that may make you feel frustrated or disappointed, but the setbacks are an essential part of your life's journey and help illuminate things for you to gain new wisdom and perspective.

3. what you should do in the cocoon - Page of Wands reversedThis card is only amplifying what the others are pointing out. The fact that this is in the center of the spread shows that this journey is about self evolution and spiritual rebirth. You may feel that you have a lot of energy within you to begin something new yet you may either not have a clear direction yet, may have begun only to get a little lost on the way or took the wrong approach or have had a lot of setbacks from the outside world that could have dampened your motivation. However this card shows that it's not a time for doing, it's a time to rediscover yourself, find what speaks to your spirit and let the insights come to you from the creative void. Taking action with this energy at this time may be unwise as you may take the wrong approach again. You are still in the early stages of formation in the cocoon. You are just to 'play' with your new ideas, experiment, see them grow and blossom. Don't force anything, just sit and self reflect and it will come to you.

4. the outcome of the cocoon - Seven of Pentacles uprightIt's no surprise this card would come up as this journey is a spiritual one and you are in it for the long haul. The seven of pentacles shows that with hard work and understanding the value of putting in time and energy for long-term rewards you will be able to build a strong spiritual foundation. It may be a path that is slow to build, full of frustration and slow wins, but it's worth it. Even if you may lose motivation at times because you don't see the rewards yet, this card always invites you to reflect if you feel on track, look at the bigger picture and celebrate your progress so far. Spiritual growth is a life long journey.

5. Obstacles - Strength uprightThis journey can sometimes be full of uncertainty and frustration and you may find it easy at times to throw in the towel after your energy can be repeatedly used up. When it feels easier to quit or rage at everything remember it's ok to take a break and take it one day at a time. A lot of strength comes from the ability to endure other than breaking through right away. You may get challenged a lot or you could feel trapped in this cocoon feeling as if you'll never break out, but know that it is apart of the process. Write down all the things you are passionate about. Think about the time when you were a child and you had your favorite hobbies or things to do. When you are feeling your worse revisit that list and try to experiment with those things again. This whole process is about your experimentation and self exploration. You do have what it takes to endure!

6. Advice - The sun reversedThis card just echoed what I wrote at the end of Strength! It's time to reconnect with your inner child!! In adulthood (especially since us millenials are blessed with figuring out our lives and adult stability in the End of Times) we get so lost in the hustle/bustle, depression, nihilism and patterns of every day life that we forget how to have fun and what fun even means. Fun was a way for kids to explore their world and relationship towards it in a carefree way. Life is meant to be an experience. It's meant to be an experience for our souls to grow, for us to get a chance to explore ourselves in a new time period, in a new identity, in a new body. It's meant to be an experience that helps us gain perspective or be more vibrant. It's up to you to find fulfillment in that experience and as children we all instinctively knew what that meant until this dystopian society beat it out of us (or worse, tried to monetize our hobbies and say the only way what we could ever do have value is if we can market it on social media.) There is no golden pot at the end of the rainbow as our reward (I know there are some religious beliefs that what you did in life grants you glory after it- but for arguments sake lets just focus on our current reality living life then be concerned about what happens after). The only thing that awaits us after life is death. Life itself is the reward, it's the lesson, it's the process, it's the spiritual growth, it's the Now. When you can, you should take as much time as you have available to enjoy it and find the things that make you feel fulfilled and go for them whenever you are able. The biggest message this whole spread has for you is to not rush your spiritual process and to sit still with that energy, but in the meanwhile take that energy to rediscover your inner child. What made you happy as a kid? Even if you never got to experience it as a child, what do you think you've always wanted as a kid that would make you feel more fulfilled? Explore those areas.

underlying card - Five of cups uprightThe underlying theme going on here is that you are also a bit sad and disappointed about how something did not turn out. You could be stuck in the past and blame yourself for the way things did not progress the way you wanted them to. However don't let this energy hold you back. Sometimes hindsight is better than foresight and that's what this process is. This card also shows that opportunities await but you have to let go of the past, rediscover what's important to you and move forward.

Just cause you had some additional general questions I pulled out my favorite Oracle deck (Wisdom of the Oracle by Colette Baron-Reid- also big faerie energy)

Lessons from your past life - By the BookThe image is a family of elephants in a line. Each trunk of the elephant previous is wrapped around the tail of the larger elephant before them. They are all connected and following the same path.

I mean it goes without saying that this is obviously something karmic from a past life and this card is repeating the message. The wisdom this card has to bring is that you do not need to reinvent the wheel. There could have been similar obstacles you were facing in your past life that you are revisiting now. With some self reflection you could gain the wisdom of how to overcome these obstacles quicker as you had to do it before. Maybe you've succeeded before in a previous life but you might not have understood the lesson fully and therefore you are repeating the process again. This card shows that if you find that wisdom or clarity you don't need to go through it all again.

Lessons to learn from your magic path - All That GlittersThis card shows a pile of gold and two masks sitting on top of the pile.

This card really wants you to ask yourself what it is that you are getting out of your magical path. In this modern day with the witchy zeitgeist it's normal that we may first think about the flashier aspects of our path such as the tools, the aesthetics, what it is giving us short term instead of long term, but this card is about seeing beyond the superficial or quick results. If all of your tools were gone would you still feel like a witch? If you felt like all of your major problems in life were resolved would you still practice witchcraft? This card is asking you to look for the reason why you are in this path and hold on to that authenticity. It's time to reconnect to the root of that essence which can also be rediscovered along with the exploration of your inner child.

Lessons to learn from your source of power - Neverending StoryThis card shows a melancholic fairy sitting on the top of an hourglass. The time is running out and there is a compass inside of the glass pointing towards the fairy's love for herself but the needle rests between 'yes' and 'no'.

Wow ok so this wraps up the tarot reading as well. This card invites you to love and forgive yourself. You might have poured in a lot of energy towards previous endevours to see them not work out or you may not believe in your power. When you want to invest energy into something whether it be a project or your magic you may tear yourself down or you may look at setbacks as evidence that you aren't good enough yet. You do have a lot of power!! And that's what this coocoon phase is all about. Rediscovering your inner child, your source of power, the root of your magical path that gives you inspiration, a sense to life and meaning and you can't discover that all if you are being mean to yourself. Besides this world is mean, like we have Trump and Boris Johnson recovering from a plague when he was just about to shut down free medical care for everyone in the UK, like you also don't need to add extra hurt to yourself when the rest of the world is full of assholes also trying to hurt us. The fact that you are trying is good enough cause there's no success without trying. Think of your path or attempts as a plant that is trying to grow. You may be thinking about the fruit in the end and frusterated that you haven't gotten the fruit yet, but you can't get the fruit without the plant. And sometimes not even plant needs to have fruit anyway (I mean we may be over encouraged in this capitalist society to bear fruit so that someone can put a price tag on it and market us for profit) but some plants are beautiful and amazing and vibrant without fruit. A plant just lives and thrives on it's own and blesses everyone else with it's oxygen and presence. It doesn't always have to bear something. Your journey can be your path to thriving and being happy and growing, you don't need to think of an end goal or beat yourself up cause you haven't achieved it yet.

Underlying Oracle Card: PEACEThis card was on the bottom of the deck's stack. I always like to read the underlying card cause it shows hidden themes or background themes. On the card there is a dove carrying that leaf doves like to carry flying over an egg with a shadow of a face on it in an open field.

This card shows that the point of these journeys is for you to find inner harmony and peace. You will find alignment within yourself and your path. Remember even though journeys can be hard and frustrating they just want to you gain wisdom and understanding.

Hope that was insightful! Sorry that it was so long! Let me know how I did and if I was off or not!

[dracimexidae]

@lives-ruined-and-bloodshed mentioned you on a post “You wanna try and take it from me?”

@woofety​ I think wanting to laugh about his attitude is right, the chances of Coulson taking down May are null, Coulson is brilliant in many things and he probably has an edge from most because he knows May so well but holy crap she can beat the living shit out of him but of course she never would, especially here when she was so full of guilt, she would most likely let him beat her.

Hello there! :)

Yeah, Coulson is no joke, even if I sometimes treat him a bit as such (always affectionately, this said <3), and he certainly is trained enough to take down people with efficiency, but yeah, I think he would have to prepare something really unexpected to take Melinda by surprise and overcome her (I’m absolutely NOT thinking about him confessing his feelings for her and/or kissing her during a session of sparring, no no ;) ... which on one hand it’d make me want to smack his head because Melinda deserves much more than a rushed gesture, but then I consider that his rushed gestures are actually pretty epic - I mean their first “real” kiss behind his shield while being shot by bad guys?! That was hella smooth, and well, Melinda seemed to appreciate it, maybe this is actually her kind of thing rather than something ordinary and too chill and sappy... Well, let’s give her all:

She deserves everything, and I’m sure she’ll enjoy that no matter how it’s done, as long as it’s Phil doing it! ;) Oh wait, what were we talking about, them fighting? Lol, you just witnessed my thought process whenever I think about any circumstance that involves them fighting/sparring/etc.: my mind always ends up conjuring a romantic outcome between them! :p

@woofety​ It's nice to see someone else who has some issues with their dynamics, there are parts that I don't find fair either. I also ship and believe in Philinda but I'm never all in about how I see May's deep devotion for him and how far I think she would go on his word.

Eh, yeah, I sometimes feel that their balance is quite unstable, and it’s more understandable (not excusable though imo) when he becomes director, but still... I like, however, the fact that May is not shy speaking her mind and calling out Phil’s bullshit most of the times (even if I suspect she still keeps some things to herself): one of the most obvious episodes (and the one that I believe pisses me off most) was in season 3 with the whole Lincoln’s “murder vest”: I’m actually glad they included a scene in which Phil explicitly apologizes and recognizes that he got way too far with that, and not only about asking May to eventually “pull the trigger” but also with Lincoln himself - how could he conceive that it was fair to ask him to sacrifice himself like that? Idk, that still makes me rather mad, because no matter how desperate Phil must have been to save Daisy, to consider consciously another member of the team so disposable, especially when he declared he wanted to try to live up to his “policy” of keeping the count of acceptable losses to zero (even if I understand that in reality it’s almost impossible to achieve a result like that), is almost unbelievable for me (not to mention that Daisy would have never accepted for anyone to sacrifice themselves for her sake, let alone Lincoln). 

He’s also rather “dramatic” in his apology comparing himself to Hive (but that might be in line with his character), and I’m actually glad that Melinda does not try to downplay his words or make excuses to try to make him feel better, simply stating, rather matter-of-factly, that she is making her choice to follow his orders on her free will, but she made it clear that she didn’t agree with his decision... Ok, well, on her part perhaps it isn’t the strongest way to disapprove one’s decisions - I mean, she could have also chosen to refuse to help, but maybe she accepted not just out of loyalty to Phil, but because, being actively in charge of that task, she could have control over the situation in order to try to find another way to solve it, to “fix” the problem, otherwise Phil would have likely given the order to someone else and she wouldn’t have been able to do anything... Eh, there is quite a grey area on this...

@woofety​ It's funny because I love loyalty kink even when it's not super healthy but I need to be mutual and I don't think we see as much from Coulson's but I also like to believe, liek you, that he does make an effort to make amends and the show is just not too interested in showing us and then there is fic, it helps me see them in a more equal relationship and makes me love the ship more.

Yep, I totally agree, fanfictions have done AN AWFUL LOT on Coulson’s part; tbh I’m not sure I would have been such a fan of their relationship if I hadn’t created in my mind and hadn’t read from other people scenarios to fill in the gaps of their dynamic (I actually headcanon plenty of things that fanfic writers have put in their stories)... I don’t think it’s a great compliment to the show writers, but I have the feeling they were never much interested in delving into their relationship, deciding they had other priorities, and well, I guess it’s their right, since those are their characters and they created their stories, but that doesn’t mean I’ve been happy about this... In fact, in light of s5 and especially s6, I’ve been pretty disappointed (when I stopped being enraged) about how they treated Philinda; after that I’ve drawn the conclusion that I might as well take what I want from canon and mix it with my headcanons because fuck it, I don’t want to feel miserable for a work of fiction which is supposed to distract me and make me feel good things! So yeah, thanks writers for giving me the characters and the inspiration, I’ll take it from there, try and sue my mind for this! XD

[yuwhala]

Trying to read a lot of post right now and trying to be open minded (which is, I'm ashamed of it, not my forte) because I'm confused about a lot of things and why we (Tumblr) didn't like this season. Just a heads-up before you read the rest : this is not sarcasm, my writing is not the best and I'm sorry about it, I'm not trying to say that you should love this season or feel comfortable with it, I just wish to share how I feel about it all and wish to know why we do not agree on others things. I also mostly write because it helps me sort out my thoughts and see things more clearly. I wish not to offend anyone and please let me know if I did.

There are some things I really didn't like :

- The thing I wish happened (like apparently everyone else) was the girls apologising. Because right now it feels like they never did any wrong when ......they did. And that's bad, because the only one that is pointed out as the bad person by the show is Ingrid. When she's not the only one who behaved badly. But that's what the problem is. The show doesn't even show us that the girls not supporting Imane is a Bad thing. None of them said anything when Ingrid was saying obvious bullshit or when Daphné is saying her usual shit. It's always Imane doing it. And no one going her way either. The only time someone other than Imane was being angry at a racist comment was Manon back in season 1 when she stormed out of the room after Daphné was being (once again) racist af and she told her that she didn't understood how  she could say so much bullshit. But that's all. So yeah I wish they would have made the white girls apologize for not being here for Imane. Ever. The fact that we got that amazing clip of Manon and Imane talking about how Imane never feels like she belongs and that we never ever got a following consequence of that discussion is ridiculous.

- Manon and Charles going back together. For obvious reasons. Like ? Urgh. No.

- Jamila talking back to Imane on pure coïncidence like she never abandoned her when Imane entered highschool with no explanation other than "sorry I don't think that we should talk anymore" ????? What ??????? And now they're BFF ????? When Jamila never apologized either ????

- That's a really small complaint that is nothing near as terrible as the other things I pointed out but there is a lot of small time mistakes. Some clips were clearly supposed to be aired on other days than the days we got them.

- Another small complaint but one of the things I liked the most about Sana's season was seeing her praying and the whole process that went with it. I feel a little robbed here. Those were moments that felt utterly beautiful and mesmerising to me when I first watched Sana's season.

But there is a lot of things I liked and I think are important to show on a french TV show mainly directed for a young audience :

- They adresses a LOT the day to day racism a black Muslim woman can get, they voiced the fact that it was racism a lot too and that Imane had all the rights to be angry at that kind of comments. They made it real too : Imane had to stop dancing because the teacher didn't want her to wear her hijab in the lesson. That's an actual debate in everyday life in france : we're living in an "secular country" (lol not really but that's what politicians like to say whenever they want to be islamophobic. Funny how our joke of a president actually said we had to reconnect with our catholic roots. Lol. Secular country indeed. ANYWAY) and that's why Imane doesn't wear hijab at school, because “no one” should wear signs of religion in public school (but hey guess little crosses or Mary’s face for catholic folks around their necks or David’s star for jewish kids around their neck is not a sign of religion right ? Because I’ve seen them more than once in school) . Perhaps you know that not too long ago there was a polemic about a french store for sports equipment announced that they wanted to start selling sports hijab for hijabi women and well our country went NUTS and the company had to abandon that project because they were sent death threats and whatnot by racist people. And the show addressing that issue (that is french people being racist) is important. The show showing us that wearing the hijab is Imane's choice is important. Imane voicing that being a black women who is muslim in France is making her life difficult is important. And they showed us that many time. With ordinary racism. With Ingrid being afraid of black girls for no reason other that they're black. They've showed us a lot of hardship that comes with it : people being ignorant and racist, people being racist because they're racist, people judging and assuming things because they heard that thing somewhere but never checked the facts. And the fact that Imane said on many occasion 'this is racism' was important. They give us an explanation on why in the first seasons Imane seemed harsh and that being linked with the racism she has to face everyday was really nice. They made Imane tell that she was not feeling like she belonged anywhere. 

- I know a lot of people hated this but I'm glad she apologized whenever she did a bad thing. This is showing her growing up and be a mature teenager. This is showing up that she knows when to apologize but she also knows when she doesn't have to. I'm glad that Imane messed up. I'm glad she had a lot of communication issue. I was sad with her, I was ashamed with her but in the end I think we could all understand why she was acting the way she did. You can make mistake, you can realise that you made a mistake and still apologize.For me the drama was necessary. There was drama in every season of Skam and that’s kind of the goal of the show, to show that you’re allowed to make mistakes. The thing that was not handled well was the outcome of the drama.

- The family interactions and clips were incredible. Her mom being the 'bad cop' and her dad being more of the laid down dad type was perfect. Put Idriss on this and have them talk about why they think they're making their parents disappointed in themselves, why it's difficult to live as a Muslim in France, how they can talk to each other and understand multiple points of view too. How it's ok to be angry to feel emotions but to take them out on people who just wish for you to be happy is not the way to do it.

-The Lucas's talk. Again this is going with my first point but the fact that they added Imane saying that she's not the one who should have to be patient with racist people because they're ignorant was nice.

- The first four episodes were incredible and I think we all agreed on that. It was just Imane day to day life + her falling in love and enjoying life.

- Three of my favourite clips of the show : The bus clip, the chair clip and the mom clip. The bus was such an important scene where Imane was also asking questions to herself + all the cinematography that went into a simple bus ride was so great. The chair clip showing four very different Muslim girls talking about Ramadan and rules and how they're hungry, and love and sex and random things was so nice. They all had they're own way of talking, one reminded me of Emma because she had the same kind of vocabulary and way of saying things, one was more uptight etc. They all wear their hijab in different way they all say on different chair it was so nice. The mom clip, well, seeing a parent apologizing is not something I'm used to on TV show. Well they do apologize when they did extreme horrible things like killing someone but they never apologize for simple things like Imane mom did. The music in general used in the show is really nice and since season 3 Skam France outdid themselves on the cinematography part of the show.

That's all the things I can think about for now so what's the conclusion of all that ? I don't really know. As you may have understood I'm a white girl, I'm a part of some 'minority' groups (what's the word when it's not really a minority but still a group that is being pointed out as 'bad' by media and a large group of people ? The more I write the more I'm losing my English) like I'm a Bi girl, I have depression and I'm fat but I'm aware that's nothing to compare with being a woman of color and being a muslim woman. So yes, I think there is a lot of things that I did not understandd in why people hated this season and I should just accept WoC European Muslim critics and not try to say 'you're wrong' so I hope I'm not doing that here. I just wish to share my likes and dislikes of the season. Sometimes I have to think about an issue for a whole week to just kind of understand something I didn't agreed on before, so I'll be patient . Perhaps in two weeks I will just see the whole season on a different way. Perhaps I'm being too kind on the compliments (The other day I read that you shouldn't praise someone because they're being against racism because racism shouldn't exist in the first place. I'm still debating on that subject but I'm wondering if that applies here).

The thing is I'm still glad that this season exist. Yes it's really not perfect and yes the whole 'the girls never apologized or stand by Imane' is awful. I'm glad in the sense that I wished I could have seen this on TV when I was myself in highschool. When I was as ignorant as Daphné (...yeah... That sucks....I don't really understand how I managed to have friends). Because seeing that show, seeing all of what Imane had to go through would really made me oppened my eyes. It would have been a slap to the face and a needed wake up call. But yes, I agree, it was far from enough. So I'm a little on both sides. But as the same time I’m saying that this is an important season to see as a white ignorant woman, but perhaps that’s the whole issue ? That Imane’s season shouldn’t be made for white woman like a POV on a WOC every day life but just a story for Imane to live herself ?

[booasaur]

You touched on what I found most weird about Juliantina's scenes last night: Juliana didnt seem to have a proper read on Val's emotions. I thought the 1st scene with her saying she didn't like being with Sergio was good, but I found it weird that she didn't notice how angry Val looked later when she asked how Sergio was or that she didn't attempt to reassure her that she still has feelings for her when she asked for them to be friends knowing how hurt Val was the last time she suggested that.

I think…there was also not much she could do about it? Or allow herself to do? Like, would it be the time, when the other person is hurt and angry, to keep on focusing on what you feel for them? Especially Juls, who’s seen herself as a burden in this relationship for a while now? It’s one thing to console her with touches and a kiss when the only issue is that you’re not together, a whole ‘nother thing when it’s you who’s hurt the other person.

And another anon:

I was literally shouting at my screen (ok, maybe just in my head) — “No! You do NOT just want to be friends! For the love of all things holy, you are MEANT to be together. You are meant to be together NOW. Come ON!!!” And then I was like, okay, sure, yes, kidnapping, death, rampant homophobia, etc, etc, etc. Okay, okay. But STILL. Las chicas. POR FAVOR. ;)

They really can’t be just friends, I do not see how they’re going to go into a time jump like this. They don’t deserve to?? 

And another anon:

I thought juliantina’s reactions were pretty much in characters n enjoyed it as such. Val’s anger has always exploded For Juliana never At Juliana. Seeing theories wher she will lash out at her seemed OOC .I loved maca’s acting choices in this. Her anger at juls for mentioning mazcal, they way she showed disgust at sergios hug by shoving his shoulder at the end of the hug and then wiping her hands on her jeans, when juls puts her hand on vals she tightens her fit as if shes holding herself back!

Huh, I don’t think I saw that with Sergio, but then I wasn’t watching too closely, lol.

You are right, though, Val was never going to get super angry or hurtful toward Juls. The loudest she’s been with her was “let yourself be loved”, which says a lot, lol.

And other anons:

Why people are disappointed with last night episode?? I think it was great how they were truthful about their feelings. I get that everyone (litterally everyone in the world) wants them to be together but it would be unrealistic for them to get there immediately. Val has been hurt in a 1000 different ways in the last few days and needs time to process her feelings while Juls has family drama and guilt to work through. What it’s great with those 2 it’s how even now you can feel the love btw them

i’m a little mad that Juls didn’t defend the herself more. like Val said ‘so *now* you decide to drink mezcal’ when that should’ve been a huge red flag to her, that Juls was drinking. i wish Juls had drive. home the fact that she was basically homeless, everyone kept telling her she was confused and Sergio 1000% took advantage of her

I don’t think people were necessarily disappointed that they didn’t get together after it, I think people just felt a lot had been left unsaid. 

Also, Juls was hurt in a whole bunch of different ways these last few days. I think there were two things that should have been covered but due to time and plot, ultimately weren’t. One was just what Juls had been going through, you can’t tell me that she could just casually say “I’d left home” and this wouldn’t be a major thing for Val to stop at and dissect? And I haven’t really mentioned it but for Juls to confirm that she didn’t like it shows actually how terrible that day must have been for her, what her frame of mind must have been. AND of course the whole kidnapping thing. They’re feeling sorry for what Sergio’s going through? Um?? If Juls had really said everything

The other thing was how hurt Val was feeling and why. And I think if they’d really gotten into that talk, as well, hashed out everything, how they felt, the strength of their feelings, the outcome of the conversation and ep would be different. Both things, really, would have changed the ep. There’s no way Val would just leave it at that if she truly knew what Juls was going through. But they can’t have them get through all that right now, lol. Having watched today’s ep, like, yes, that Mateo/Eva conversation was awesome for them, it revealed so much, but that’s what’s needed for where their plot needs to be. If Juliantina had something like that (with 1000% less yelling), it would…resolve too much. 

Keeping aside external reasons, it could make sense in the plot too, they just weren’t in the mood for it, Lucho’s death was still hanging over them, they were too raw over everything.

And another anon:

Ok, boss, so Valentina has to put on her Sungay best to get ready for the funeral; Juliana’s already in the room, does Vale change in her en suite? Does Juli go chill with Chivis until Vale’s ready? Does Juli stay? Does Vale ask her to leave? I guess my question is, how much awkward ‘what are we to each other anymore’ energy do you reckon was between them between the bedroom scene and the break up-ception scene? Especially at the funeral with Juli knowing she kinda broke Lucho & Vale up?

Lol, this ask in the middle of the others. I bet Juls was full on averting eyes or straight up left the room, Val was not in the mood for anything like the post-first-kiss or even post-breakup awkwardness. Neither was Juls, of course. I imagine both felt just miserable and guilty at the funeral, and also super weird not just because of Lucho but Sergio.

Oh, oh, though, there was that cute little classic “look at the other when she’s not looking” moment.

[shadowtearling]

NOVEMBER 2018 — This was a reeeeeaaallllyy good month, quantity- and quality- wise. I found myself genuinely enjoying the books I was reading, which is a relief after a shit year thus far tbh. It’s like I remembered to have feelings! Wow! I’m human. Also a crybaby. So many tissues...

The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman

I was so nervous going into this because it’s so beloved, and nothing sucks more than being disappointed by a widely loved book like this (plus I already told myself I was never going to touch this series LOL @ past me, you fool). The first quarter was difficult to get into because there’s just so much information withheld from the reader, and, at one point, I started to become frustrated, feeling like an idiot for not knowing what the hell was going on. As the book went on, I found myself just wholly engrossed in Lyra’s character that not knowing became a secondary priority. It didn’t matter anymore that I knew absolutely nothing as long as I was on this journey to finding out with someone as witty, clever, and kind-hearted as Lyra. I was rooting for her the whole way through and was genuinely panicking when she was in danger. The second half is definitely much better than the first just because it feels less like fumbling around in the dark. Her parents are freaks. Bear dad for the win. Also, that ending... how she just gonna do That? girl.. Gonna try to read the rest of the series whenever that happens lol

My Plain Jane by The Lady Janies (Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, Jodi Meadows)

This was so. much. fun. I was reading this at a Barnes and Noble, while sat near this group of old men (who don’t know each other) talking about who knows what, and laughing out loud every few pages. (One of them finally got fed up after a few minutes and asked me what I was reading—I was literally holding the cover up, but I digress—and I struggled to explain that this is a Jane Eyre retelling full of nagging ghosts. How can such a Serious Novel™ possibly have a laugh-out-loud retelling? It works (but only because they throw every single fact out the window). If you really love Jane Eyre and Charlotte Brontë, this may not be the book for you. They mischaracterize both women, and while I didn’t mind, others might. This is also a pretty straightforward retelling of the novel in that the very basic structure is there, but I found that I kept turning the page because I wanted to know how exactly they would deviate from the original storyline. I really wasn’t disappointed. I especially love the Rochester shade. :)

It’s Not Like It’s a Secret by Misa Sigiura

It’s not like it’s a secret that I don’t like this book. I really just talked this to death. The first half was going okay, but Sana, the main character, was really bland and had no real passion or interest that gave her character dimension. Oh, and there’s a million cheating plotlines that were resolved terribly. Find you a better book. Read my lengthy review (in which spoilers are involved).

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik

I didn’t mean to love this as much as I do. I was scared about it at first, wondering if I’ll love it more or less than Uprooted and terrified that either outcome would be true. Thankfully, I love this differently to its predecessor. I think Uprooted is just so special to me in a way where I felt like it was the only companion I was afforded when I had no one else. I read that book during a really terrible time in my life lol. But this one reminded me why I love reading, after a whole year of feeling terrible that I couldn’t find it in me to give a shit about any of the books I was picking up. It’s the perfect atmospheric book, and I definitely picked it up at the right time, with the cold just beginning to settle into my bones. I fell in love with Miryem and Irina, and it makes sense because they’re mirrors of each other. What I love most, probably besides the ending, is how none of the characters are willing participants of their fairy tale, but they’re clever enough to know how to work the system so they at least survive it. And survive they did. I also loved how every perspective felt distinctly different from the last that I never found myself wondering from who I was reading. One more thing, Mirnatius is very dear to my heart. (His character, though, is questionable because he’s the only dark skinned person in the story, and he’s also literally the devil. I don’t know how to process that because I know he’s also seen later on as a victim, but like.... still... lol)

REREAD! We Are Okay by Nina LaCour

I love this book a lot. I was feeling all sorts of feelings, and I wanted to let some of that emotion out. I still think this handles grief and loneliness so well. I think because I’m in a different place than I was when I first read this, especially regarding to those two things, my reaction and takeaway is extremely different. First read, I was mostly dealing with the suffocating weight of loneliness. Now, I picked this up specifically because I’m grieving, differently from Marin, but nonetheless grieving. Who knows, maybe when I read this again in the future, I’ll once again be in a different place and I get something completely different from the first two times. This book is great for any occasion, though. If you want a good cry, for whatever reason, this is It.

The Beast is an Animal by Peternelle van Arsdale 

I enjoyed this book, but I doubt this is something I’ll remember a year from now. I liked the writing, simple but compelling. I thought that Alys’s apathy was done really well. I was caught off guard and cried a little (I’m sensitive, Aubrey), but I love that. This is a really slow book, with a whole lot of nothing happening. I like books like that, especially because this made up for its slowness with the atmosphere. My problem is that the ending was rushed, and it became extremely obvious that Alys was not a character who does things; rather, things happen To Her. The other issue is the love interest/story: I don’t mind insta-love as long as we see relationship growth within the novel. Because of time jumps, we almost never see the two have moments together that weren’t for the sake of the plot. It was hard to believe, then, that devotion they had for each other when they barely interacted on the page. It’s Average.

Hello, Universe by Erin Entrada Kelly

I tried talking about this twice, and twice I cried. I’m really just the snot machine this month, huh? Okay but seriously, I am genuinely so thankful to Kelly for writing Filipino characters in her books. I am a whole ass adult crying about representation in a middle grade novel because that’s how much I needed it. Much like The Land of Forgotten Girls, there’s not really a plot. This is more character-driven, filled with stories of everyday magic and the power of friendship. My favorite part is Virgil’s relationship with his grandmother that reflected my relationship with my grandmother, even though the two ladies are vastly different from one another. ALSO, if you’d like a book with a really wonderful deaf/HoH rep, this is your friend. Valencia was a delightful character to read from.

Ajax Penumbra, 1969 by Robin Sloan

Forgettable but fun! I like learning about Mr. Penumbra’s origin story, and I would be glad to read more of him were there more. This was too short, imo, because Sloan introduced some interesting new things to this world that had great potential (particularly the bookstore and its previous storerunners) and weren’t given enough time to fully develop. As with the book, I really won’t remember this by the time the new year rolls around. It was fun while it lasted.