#I think I have to lay off for a second | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lynxfrost13 · 2 months ago

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Gamers I think workout wise I am going to take a couple days off 😔😔😔

#star u are right ALAS #I don’t wanna however considering that this isn’t like typical good soreness #but like. a consistent stiffness that has made working out worse #I think I have to lay off for a second #I’ll try to do some nice long walks instead so that I’m still active #hopefully the stiffness goes away soon I really wanna lift my weights and keep progressing on stuff!!!#I’d still try some more intense stuff but it’s not just my arms and neck it’s also my leg >:[#REGARDLESS. I SHALL REST. THEN BOUNCE BACK #I’m a little bit scared bc I like having a consistent thing I really don’t wanna disrupt that #but I know I’ll be okay #lynx talks #<- more a fear of breaking that good habit but AGAIN. REGARDLESS

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lipt-97 · 1 year ago

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came back just to post these. okay bye

#gbf #belifaa #did you get triple zero (summon)? the sanfaa scissoring summon? SSS? i sierotixed it. It was awesome. Everythung in gbf is going right for #e except for the fact that i had to sieroticket it but its alright. just the notion of so much lucilius is just enough to put me back on my #feet again it’s almsot unreal how much lucilius-centric stuff theyve pushed out the past few months. his GBVSR debut. his summon.#Omg when I saw the gbfes fashion show i was a few seconds behind zen and she told me “You wont believe this” and I was like “WHAT? BELIEVE #WHAT? WHAT? WHAYT DO YOU MEAN” and the official lucilius cosplayer walked out in his robes it felt unreal unreal like it was seeing my onl #dreams come true after years and years of being like Theres no way they’d do that. There’s no way they’d make a cosplay for lucilius in his #robes because hes in his void outfit forever. BUT THEY DID…..AND THERE WAS BLOOD UNDER HIS SKIN….AND HIS LIPS WERE GLOSSED…AND HE HAD A LIT #LE BIT OF TAREME AND TSURIME (TARIME) ACTION ON HIS EYES AND EVERYTIME HE WALKED HIS ROBES KIND OF FLUTTERED AS HE SHUFFLED ALONG I HAD TO #SIT ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR lay down on the bathroom floor and I almpst puked from how nauseous it made me i was OVERJOYED BEYOND MY PHYSICAL #LIMITATIONS OF HAPPINESS . I WAS SO HAPPY. THIS YEAR HAS BEEN UTTERLY MISERABLE FOR ME AND I HAVE NOT BEEN THIS DEPRESSED SINCE HIGH SCHOOL #BUT SEEING LUCILIUS like this genuinely blew me off my socks . I don’t know if i should be 100% thankful because I’ve been trying to figure #out how to balance my emotional state with the media i consume but #I think i really needed it. thank you lucilius for ending my 2023

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king-spite · 1 month ago

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so it seems the poppy war has become my absolute favorite series so ofc i'm losing my mind comparing every scene with my other favorite series (red queen) and making an unfathomable amount of headcanons

#first off i think rin and mare would get along. maybe not at first but after a while they would #i think venka and evangeline would become the best of friends like the second they lay eyes on each other #AND evangeline would probably help venka realize that she's an absolute lesbian #i also think rin would get along with farley And with cameron especially #i think the cike (and kitay) would IMMEDIATELY adopt shade and kilorn and they'd have the silliest of dynamics. while being a menace #i think the cike wouldn't like cal at first but then they'd be chill about him #AND nezha and cal would also get along. btw. if you even care.#just thinking about rinezha and marecal interactions makes me dryheave i'm literally climbing the walls of my room right now #also qara and iris would get along AND hot take but i think she'd also get along with chaghan cause she'd be the only person he respects #imo #i also think jiang and mare would get along. tho he'd probably get on her nerves more often than not #i don't think altan and maven would get along with anyone lmao they're such freaks🙌#i like to imagine that altan would have INSANE one-sided beef with cal AND mare that'd be histeric #like they really dgaf about him it'd be so one-sided it'd be embarrassing for altan #maybe. MAYBE. cameron could manage him (cause they're both commited to being Haters yknow). but only for like 5 secs at most .#i also like to imagine chaghan and maven would have the biggest beef known to mankind i think they'd find each other insufferable❤️❤️#and evangeline and chaghan???? ohh chaghan's gonna find out how MEAN a mean lesbian can be alright. mlm/wlw hostility🤞🤞✨️#and what if rin and cal get somewhat along bc she understands the responsability the older sibling has over the younger one.#what if she completely understands his guilt WAAAAIT #ohh the more i think about them the more insane i get #this is just a snippet of the headcanons i have in mind rn #maybe i should make a more ''organized'' post about it #and not hide it in the tags😔#also the joy and whimsy one gets from making your faves hate each other's guts... it's so entertaining... peace and love on planet earth❤️#the poppy war #red queen series #red queen #also don't mind any grammatical mistakes i didn't check anything before typing this. and i don't have respect for the english language <3

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bunnieswithknives · 3 months ago

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sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all

My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.

#Its so shocking whenever anybody mentions that fic to me #like its just such a specific combo of interests how are there this many people interested in it...#I have some fragments of unfinished chapters for it laying around but I was struggling to get them to work #and I definitely dont have the motivation to finish them now #If youre curious the chapters were going to be Slaughter avatar miss Power and Web avatar Mr Big #and possibly Flesh avatar Butcher but I never got around to starting that one #The Miss Power chapter was basically going to be about her having kind of lost her thread #I wanted to leave a lot of ambiguity as to what happened with her home planet #but she hadnt been in contact with them for agessssss and her radio is damaged and her ship is in bad shape #the chapter was just going to be her being like 'pfff I dont interpersonal connection Im doing great out here. Murdering. All on my own'#Well she has her little squirl thing but she treats him like an animal #mr giggle cheeks or whatever #anyway I wanted it to imply that whatever happened her bloodthirst was destroying her #The Mr Big chapter was from Lesley's perspective #She would have been one in a long long line of assistants that Mr Big went through like candy #Lesley is his favorite though because. while she is terrified of him. shes still willing to push him. to be honest with him #but she also knows exactly when to step off. when to lie to appease him #( its always a tossup as to whether he wants a sweet lie or the harsh truth that day. He can always tell either way #its a gamble he does to be cruel. She always picks right though. or maybe he's more lenient with her than he should be)#He likes that she knows exactly how to push him without ever stepping over the line #He likes that her guilt and revulsion are slowly eating her up inside but shes too selfish to leave #She likes being special. She likes the idea of ruling the world alongside him #She'll always be second in command but shell be so much higher than everyone else #and shes willing to do anything to get that #Mr big doesnt think shell ever make it that far #but he likes her anyway #shes the one assistant he'll be sad about dying #OK damn apparently I did still have things to say about this old fic DAMN #still not gonna finish it tho. they call me the struggler becaus.e writing is a struggle...

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thedrotter · 18 days ago

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average minecraft gameplay of elementary school kids (+the og doodle of it I did like. months ago)

#re:kinder #fanart #yuuichi mizuoka #shunsuke takano #my art #i must inmediately make clear to you that i believe shunsuke would absolutely loot villages in minecraft like. TOTALLY #he has that sillyness he would see like. an oven and steal it he would break the wood of houses for the sake of it #the thing that distinguishes him and yuu from it is that yuu just has to commit arson and just has to put the villagers on fire #i think the first thing yuu would do the second he enters a village is to inmediately go kill the iron golem #the iron gained from it is a bonus its more so to see the chaos that ensues without the protection of a golem #and that would be if the gamemode was survival but im gonna be so real i dont see yuu being a survival player #im 100% believer that he would be a creative player through and through #destroying villages would be sillier just place a ton of dynamite and see it go kaboom #i think i should have made shunsuke a little less confused over going to a village in this he has chaos in his heart #thing is ive been working on this very on and off for a while so i. i forgor my headcanons briefly turn brain off just . confusion💔#on that note i will be free soon i will be free to draw a lot this semester is finally ending soon oh my god😭#this semester uni has been a lot and fibro has been kickin me for no reason but ILL BE FREE🔥🔥SOON🔥🔥#id like to let you know that to make this piece i had to pray the dios te salve maria prayer thrice #my computer finds ways to get worst and that prayer is the most efficient way for it to let me do basic tasks it sounds insane but its fr😭#it doesnt like it if i pray anything else for some reason it just really seems to like this prayer #anyway ive had a whole discussion on how the rekinder cast would play minecraft but. theres a 30 tag limit #so💔 we gon save that for another day when im having a good day in terms of my fibromyalgia i need to lay down SJWIDNAKD😭😭#i should do the dios te salve maria prayer when i do my finals atp god save my cells

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withacapitalp · 2 years ago

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It's official lads Eddie Munson has a type

It's not men. It's not women. It's not even both.

His type is Rich Kid, and he's gonna die mad about that.

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raionmimi · 4 months ago

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I love that the “There’s only one bed” trope for Symweaver would just be a normal day for them that they don’t even think twice about it. They’d sleep in each other’s beds in their dorm as students whenever they felt like it and still do the same on the Arcology. They’re at complete ease in each other’s presence that they never really thought to make it a big deal

The only differences are that Niran cuddles her a lot more because he likes how it’s a different vibe to intentionally snuggle somewhere away from home, and Satya studies his face a lot more because the environment isn’t the same and it’s comforting that he’s a universal constant to her

#symmetra #lifeweaver #symweaver #satya vaswani #niran pruksamanee #overwatch #Overwatch 2 #she was probably uneasy about sleeping at the Arcology for a long time and would just constantly stare at him so he knew she was still wary #and he’d be thrilled the second he noticed she didn’t need to watch him anymore because she was so used to being there #she just vibes near him unless he asks if they can snug #he usually doesn’t sleep until ungodly hours but he does enjoy coming to bed and seeing satya sleeping there already #it makes him adore her even more every single time #he hates going to bed by himself so as long as he knows she’s in the room somewhere even if it’s not the same bed he feels comfortable #also I think Satya should be the hot one and he leeches off of her warmth because it’s funny that way #she likes how cool he feels so she doesn’t mind him clinging to her when they cuddle #I bet they’re disgusting to be around because they won’t get up if you accidentally walk in on them #Suraj is probably their number one hater from anytime he walked in on them being grossly lovey dovey at any given moment #I’m tired and laying in a hotel room at an anime con rn so I’m having eepy cozy thoughts rn

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arsenicflame · 1 year ago

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thinking about how all the rest of blackbeards crew had left by the time stede found the revenge

thinking about how ed was laid out in such a respectful way, like he was someone wanted to mourn

thinking about even after all he said, after mutinying on him, izzy could never really leave ed

thinking about how after all he did for them, all he lost, our crew couldn't leave him either

#thinking about how they would have had the opportunity to leave when everyone else did #and that izzy might have even encouraged them to #but that realising he was going to stay- essentially condemning himself to death- they couldnt leave him #would have fought him on it if he had put up a fuss (i imagine he would)#'we aren't leaving you boss' 'yeah no fucking way viejito'#because theyve claimed him now. hes their family. they arent going to leave him to certain death for any reason #and certainly not as a self imposed punishment for 'killing' ed #they arent going to leave him to rot on that ship with the corpse of the man who put them there in the first place #so they stay. they stay and they lay ed out properly under izzys watch. they stay and they plan a respectful funeral #rather than just throwing him into the sea like perhaps they would like to; because thats what izzy needs #he needs a proper send off for ed in the end and they understand that #they stay and the food runs out. they stay and they eat seagulls #they stay #they stay for izzy- because izzy cant leave; so neither can they #and maybe theyll die here #but theyve been living second to second for a while now #its actually kind of nice to have a deadline #its not so bad really; drifting through the ocean aimlessly. its a nice break after everything #its the quiet up to the end #nyxtalks #ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #izzy hands #israel hands #archie ofmd #frenchie ofmd #fang ofmd #jim jimenez #edward teach

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rainingincale · 13 days ago

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#fuck me sorry but that post actually unlocked so many memories for me rn and i simply must get them out lmao #anyways i just wish there was a way i could tell my geography teacher how much of an impact she made on my life #it absolutely shook my world view up when we did our lesson on migration and she asked me what the positives to immigration were #me. a brown girl living in britain her whole life where all she really saw and understood was an inherent hatred for immigrants.#and so i prattled off the textbook answer- they bring people who can do labour and earn more money for the country #and shes like 'and?' and i drew a blank. i couldnt think of anything else. what else were they worthy for?#and she explains. she says music. and food. and culture. and god. im tearing up just thinking about it. like in that single moment she just #fucking changed everything for me. like yeah. yeah ppl do bring that. they make this place everything it is. they bring Life to this place.#i feel like my words are so jumbled lmao idk how else to explain it i am simply soooooooooooooooooo emo like seriously #and it wasnt after i didnt have her as a teacher i was told my one of my friends that she always gives the best student in her class a #a yellow ring binder. the rest get green. guess what one i got. LIKE IM GOING TO CRY AND NEVER STOP. and i didnt know!! i never fucking knew #i literally remember her that day when she was like ah seems im all out @ H could you follow me pls and ill get you answer one from storage #and then she gave me a yellow ring binder like. fuck me man. fuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkk #and i think back so much because she had a scottish sounding second name but she was married. and part of me thinks maybe her parents were #polish? just from context clues. but i dont actually know. and part of me is like am i just romanticising her? i didnt actually know who she #was. all i have is these little moments and how she treated me and the fact i liked her class #and people were so rude about her btw. like thought she was a dickhead. but she wasnt. she actually wasnt she just didnt take ppls shit. :((#and now im remembering that time i didnt do my homework and my friend took my jotter from the pile AS SHE WAS MARKING THEM and brought it #to me so i could copy off her #and ngl i always thought it was funny and sneaky but now im realising she probably fucking knew and didnt say anything because she liked us #god im gonna cry #i hope youre ok out there and i hope youre happy. i hope my idea of you is correct.#*insert spongebob laying on ground meme*#le text post

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thebigqueer · 28 days ago

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thisis probably rich coming from me cuz im sure im just being hypocritical when i say this but you kno wwhat !!! sometimes i am not open to cues and i need people to spell shit out for me ok!!!! please do not expect me to just imemdiately understand shit if you dont communicate your feelings with me ok!!!! i am so so sos mad!!!!

#first of all my sibling has put me in such a bad mood #i think theyve been angry for a whiel that i dont call them often but i do not think they needed to literally shove me at a mall ok that wa #uncalled for and the fact they called me a bitch. the patience i had needs to be awarded #if you were angry about it you could actually tell me taht????#like in the past theyve been like 'hmph you never call me' which ok fine im bad at calling them but they mostly say it in a joking tone #if you were really angry with it you should have said so at some point and not at the FUCKING MALL!!!! WHILE WE ARE WITH A GUEST!!#second of all now its making me think of my gf and how she literally did nto tell me even for a moment that she was feeling 'no connection'#like how did seh spend the entire second half of spring semester and all of summer telling me she loved me #and then tell me 'i just dont really feel an emotional connection' GIRL???#WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN #not only that but soemtiems shed look at me w her puppy eyes but i wouldnt imemdiately know what she wanted #and like it was cute but like girl please im beggging you to jus tTELL ME #I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THINGS IMMEDIATELY I NEED YOU TO LAY THEM OUT FOR ME!!!!#anyway. sorry today has thoroughly pissed me off. i need to go back to my dorm and forget about my family for like a month ok #jesus FUCKING christ #sunny rambles

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 3 months ago

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Oh my god why didn’t anyone tell me any of this sooner?

#I’m in work training for the first time EVER and I am so pissed off right now #I know almost everything they’re teaching which is fine but #All of this would have been really fucking nice to know back when I didn’t know it; but no I have to learn it now #How was my hiring process even legal? It shouldn’t be legal to get into working for the school system like I did #I was constantly asking for training and the answers I got were either “You’ll learn as you become more experienced”#or “Sorry you can’t attend that training because it’s for district employees only.”#I am working with children. I have to lay my hands on children to prevent them from harming themselves and others.#What do you mean you can’t train me?#I’m so thankful to have it now but god damn #So now I have to sit there thinking about all the situations I miserably failed at handling in my first and even second years #because I had no training #Fucking hell man

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medicinemane · 5 months ago

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Really really don't get why so many people seem to have this burning hatred for Ukraine where they'll just... bring them up randomly purely to drag them through the mud and it's like... ok... but... do you actually know a single thing about Ukraine or what's been happening there?

Do you for instance remember when a major dam was destroyed by russia causing massive ecological damage?

Like I'm dead serious here, can you tell me a single thing that's happened in Ukraine in the last 2 years? Can you in any way demonstrate any basic understanding of the situation?

Cause if not... why do you think you should have an opinion on it, especially if your opinion is gonna be how awful people getting bombed are?

Just legit bothers me and... even more so bothers me the number of smart and caring people I see doing this. Basically I'm not even trying to be rude here, I'm trying to remind you to pay attention and remember that not everything you read on the internet is true, a tumblr post isn't a source unless they're giving you a reputable source

Cause like me? I can go track you down articles about the Nova Kakhovka dam being destroyed, and I can talk about all the reason why it's pretty clear that russia destroyed it

Can you do the same for me? Can you back up your claim about Ukraine with something concrete?

In many ways I'm not even asking you to support Ukraine, I get we have a limit to how much we can focus on, it's ok if you focus on your cause and I focus on mine and... both of us giving our undivided attention, maybe we both make some small impact on the world

What I'm asking is you don't be an asshole for no reason. You don't need to throw Ukraine under the bus. Don't you think your cause stands up on it's own two feet?

And again I'm not Ukrainian, I don't know as well as someone there, though... I spare you a lot of the stuff that crosses my dash because I don't want to burn people out with horrible stuff, but please understand it's worse than you probably think

So no, not Ukrainian, but I'll tell you why I'm still worth listening to: I've followed this every day since the invasion began. I keep my ear to the ground. I do know a fair bit and again can back what I have to say up

Anyway, my plea is to just not be a dick to people for no reason. The correct number of bombed civilians is zero, that's my stance

#still fucking haunts me the video of this zoo keeper just crying as she films the flooded zoo #and you can just hear all the animals screaming in terror as they slowly drown #and... there... there just wasn't anything anyone could do #the water was coming up too fast... they didn't have time... they didn't have the equipment to move them #it was really only the birds that survived cause they at least could fly away when their enclosures were opened #I really do mean haunt; like... the second I think about it... just kind of gnaws at my insides #and that's just one video of one thing from one event #anyway; to pivot slightly; not that I want to call everything I disagree with russian propaganda #but there's various stuff I can point to and draw a pretty solid line between it and russian propaganda I think #as in; if I popped open sputnik right now I think there's a fair chance I'd find an article on it #...like the biolabs thing; that one I literally did that with and guess who was spreading it? the literal propaganda site #like man... you're smart; you're so brilliant... why on earth are you falling so hook line and sinker for this stuff?#Ukraine ain't your enemy man #where as russia; again I can draw a direct line between them and say... the suffering of the Iranian people #between russia and the election results in Venezuela; to my understanding russia literally has ships off the coast right now #and it's a fact putin congratulated maduro despite there being a number of issues #such as... the total percentages released by the government totaling 109%#listen man; I'm not stupid; I'm susceptible to propaganda too; you think I don't know that?#but I can at least show my work and I can at least explain my motivation and I can at least lay it all bare #maybe I'm wrong... maybe #hard for me to think I am when I see hospitals being bombed... kinda tend to think the people who do that are bad #(and why... why do people keep making it a pissing match instead of saying 'it's bad no matter where it happens'?)#but maybe I'm wrong... at least I can walk you through why I'm coming to the conclusion I am #and just fuck me... all I want is a world where no one's getting blown to bits for the crime of being alive #do you actually have any grasp of geopolitics?#not as in like... this or that theory or some bullshit about why america good; america bad; whatever #I mean can you actually draw a line between things happening around the world and tell me how they relate?#like... can you talk about India in relation to other countries; can you talk about Modi's politics?#(I can't stand Modi and I think I have some pretty good reasons such as his treatment of the Muslim minority; he's a nationalist)#can you talk at all about Turkey; or Armenia and Azerbaijan?

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mars-ipan · 1 year ago

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y’know i think the most annoying thing about trying to discuss reproductive rights with cis people is the complete and utter refusal to include trans people in the discussion. like they will only ever say “women” and if you dare to point it out it’s “well this is all being done to control women” or “‘people with vaginas’/‘people assigned female at birth’ is way too wordy” it drives me fucking crazy

like first off do you seriously think that the people who seek to remove bodily autonomy from women have nothing against trans people. do you think they hold zero ill will towards us. also do you think they view trans afabs as anything other than women.

secondly. NOBODY IS ASKING YOU TO USE BIG WORDY PHRASES LITERALLY JUST SAY “PEOPLE” INSTEAD OF “WOMEN.” WE LITERALLY JUST DON’T WANT TO BE EXCLUDED FROM THIS BECAUSE WE ARE ALSO BEING HURT WE JUST WANT SOME GODDAMN SOLIDARITY IN THIS BITCH. LIKE ACTUALLY JUST FUCKING SAY “PEOPLE” IT SAVES EVERYONE FROM WEIRD LOOPHOLES AND ALSO ENFORCES THAT WOMEN ARE PEOPLE FOR FUCK’S SAKEEEEE

#marzirants #my mom would say shit like this sometimes and it drove me fucking insane every single time #with her i truly feel like i have to pick my battles #bc 90% of the time she fully understands where i’m coming from! she understood the weird nuances of my queer stuff way better than any other #cishet i’ve met. ESPECIALLY considering she’s in her 50s #but every now and again she says some shit that drives me up a WALLLLL #i remember once i was talking about the language around it #and my mom brings up that she ‘disagrees’ with saying like ‘people with uteruses’ or whatever #and this kinda surprised me (she tends to catch me off guard with it) so i had no actual explanation for her #but i tried anyways i was like ‘well trans folks are affected by this too so it’s important that we’re included in the language’ right #and THIS WOMAN. someone who i know would fucking lay down her life if it were the best way to keep me safe #SAYS TO ME.#‘well this issue is about women. it isn’t about being trans and i don’t think the discussion should be derailed to trans issues’#WHAT????? W. WHAT HUH????#first off. this bitch goes hand in hand with trans issues we are talking bodily autonomy that is a huge trans issue #second of all. WHO THE FUCK IS DERAILING????? WE’RE ON YOUR SIDE WE’RE LITERALLY ASKING TO BE INCLUDED IN THE FIGHT #WH??? BITCH????#my mom is so fucking smart. but sometimes the cishet nonsense overrides her smartness and she says the dumbest shit i have ever heard #don’t tell her i said that she’d get mad at me. even tho it’s literally smth all cishets do

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slashpaws · 1 year ago

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just had the worst sleep paralysis experience Ever.

#so i had Just woken up from a dream abt this old man living in the second floor of my grandma's house #and he was mostly sweet but kind of. Off.#but anyway i woke up #and i was okay at first and i rolled over onto my side #but then i felt something jump up onto my bed behind me and start walking around like a dog or a cat #and my bedroom door is closed nothing should be in my room #then i felt something touch my upper arm/shoulder and it Felt like a dog laying its head on me but i thought it was a hand #then i heard growling/heavy breathing in my ear #this whole time i couldn't breathe or move at all #then like 5 seconds later i snapped out of it and was able to flail around and turn on my bedside lamp #god it was Fucking Horrible #i don't have sleep paralysis very often but i think having breathing issues rn is what caused it #btw unrelated but the old man in my dream had a pet deer with him and he called him the garage deer #talking.txt

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milo-is-rambling · 1 year ago

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I am so high I love you dabs I love you big bong rips I love you huge heavy bong I love you only having 20 dollars to my name and no plans but getting high and ignoring it I love you oh no I’m thinking about it

#I want to take an ice cold shower and scream and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and lock myself in a closet for 72 hours in the dark with #no distractions to figure out what I actually want to do with the rest of my life and to face every bad thought I have and struggle to #ignore even years later like ugh I just need to be at the bottom of the ocean floating sinking alive dead in between for like a month and #then pull me back up and either I’ll be normal or I’ll be so fucked up they just put me back in there #like either way I am vibing at the bottom of the ocean (I have been desperately imaging a sensory deprivation tank all day)#(put me in a fucking sensory deprivation tank until something in my fucking brain rewires and I get worse or better than I am now this #inbetween stage is fucking killing me like what do you mean I’m not a horrible person but also what do you mean I struggle every day but I’m #normal but I have things about me other people don’t and alienate me to the point of near total isolation but also this is just how humans #are and I need to take meds and actively struggle to fit into a perfect little box of what a person should be like god damn I am so tired of #getting better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and I’m miserable and I’m happy and I’m sobbing and #I know a month from now I’ll be depressed again or I’ll be the best I’ve ever been and it’s so fucking horrible to be in the middle stage #where I actually have to step up and admit shit is wrong and face it like why can’t I just lay in bed forever until I become the bed and not #like get a job and have a future. ugh. depression is so fucked esp bc most things in my life are normal I guess or like easier than my #friends like we all have seperate challenges but I’m the only one still living off their parents (ha. parent. forgot for a second.) and the #only thing wrong with my life is the mental health issues but I won’t step up and deal with it bc I feel like I’ve been depressed for so #long I like fucked up the foundational shit and like I know it’s fine but also I feel so behind and I feel like I’ll be behind and unhappy #forever even when im happy I know the next depressive episode is right around the corner and I give up again. ugh. I hate knowing that’s #what’s wrong with me but still not having the energy to step up and fix it. im so pathetic I want to cry. my brain is me but my brain is #destroying my life. anyways. im high and now im sad and have dry mouth. I think im gonna drink ice water and change into shorts+lay in bed)

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icewindandboringhorror · 5 months ago

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recent things

#With the heatwave combined with being ill for like an entire week it seems I've lost like 16 days this month #where I basically did barely anything... grrr.... The passage of time... My Enemy...#Now that I can finally hold down food and stuff I'm feeling a little better mostly and my sickness has probably passed. But I still #feel weird a little bit like.. some lingering weakness or something. I think I'm just already having so many Problems at all times even in #my 'Normal' state that whenever I get sick or something my whole system is thrown off for a while lol #I'm supposed to be writing like 2000 words a day still ghbjhb... I've had multiple days of maybe 1000 - 1500. And a lot of days #where I write maybe 20 - 300. I've still been chipping away at the same single quest dialogue for all 20 something #days this month so.. AUGH.. Though that also counts the 16 days I did nearly nothing but be sick and overheated #I finally edited that whole big sims video I wanted to post!!! but now there's an issue with it ... T o T #My fault for still almost exclusively using windows movie maker in 2024 lol.. but HHHHhh.. It's like every once in a while randomly #a fully edited video will not be able to be exported. so evil for this to happen to my first sims build tour in a while. but alas..#ANYWAY... I have been slowly working on little things here and there.. in my little scraps of time.. Wishing to be fully productive at #some point. Maybe I can finally finish and post some things soon. like costume photos or sims videos and etc.#BUT HEY.. that solitaire thing is crazy to me.. I don't think I've ever finished a challenge in under 20 seconds #before. huzzah.. tripeaks squad.. OH.. and an image of #curly tail boye.............. he..... I took him to the vet for a check up and he seems surprisingly okay for a 16 year old. except he has #a mild thyroid issue or something so I'll have to give him medicine. But every time he goes in I'm always expecting them to be like #Sorry. Your Son Is Truly Doomed. or etc. so I'm always shocked when he's fine... a strange boy with many strange behaviors #so I can never tell if he's just Being Weird or if he's sick or soemthing ghjbjh #Also the bad thing about never ending summer heat is that when it IS finally cool for a few days. I don't want to do ANYTHING. It's like wh #n it's hot I feel too sick to do anything. And then when it's cooler I'm like 'OUU the first cool day in WEEKS.. i want to just relax and #fully ENJOY the coolness..'' So it's always constant warfare with my body like.. NO ..we cannot SLEEP. We must utilize this small patch #of Non Heatwave to finally be productive and finish things while we don't feel sick. But then it's like ''ohoho...to lay in the cold air of #the morning restfully.. i shall have a little nap with a blanket on for once.. perhaps.. tee hee'' Always at war with the Tired Sleepy #it seems. AAAANyway...... grr............ slowly finishing things. still usually missing my target writing goals..#Hopefully will have some actual art or costumes or something to post soon. Fumbling through the summer weather as usual lol

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