#I think I drank easy a liter of water and then another one

[ilikedetectives]

Ramen Museum, Yokohama

[pinstripesandparliaments]

Rantaro and Korekiyo with a sick partner <3

i'm sick . apologies in advance if this is written strangely !

i love my boys ; some of this is a little intimate, but not explicit

enjoy :)

Rantaro Amami

Growing up with so many sisters, a caring instinct was practically ingrained into his brain.

He can tell when you’re coming down with something, and will stop you from doing anything once he catches the first hint.

You stood desolately in your lab, leaned up against one of the counters. You had work to do, but the weighted feeling of ailment hung on your shoulders and eyelids; it was hard to do much of anything in these conditions. 

“Things are looking real productive in here.”

Your boyfriend's voice startled you slightly, but your nerves were soothed as you felt his fingers press into the back of your neck, causing you to let out an exhausted sigh.

“Just… tired, I guess.”

Rantaro hummed softly, using a gentle hand to tip your chin up to look at him. “When was the last time you drank water? Your lips are chapped.” 

You could only shrug, time was moving strangely and you didn't have the energy to calculate your water intake. Your weakness was apparent, making concern well up within him. Regardless, he simply had you take whatever work you had to do up to your dorm to work on in bed. 

He brings you anything he thinks you might need, picking up the specifics of your condition while youre delirious with illness.

“Hey.” 

You wake up groggily, too weak to even look at him as he puts a hand to your temple to see how warm you were. “Are you allergic to anything? Ibuprofen, penicillin, anything?”

You mutter a response soft enough for only him to hear, and he hums an affirmation, putting a kiss to your temple.

The next time you see him, he's spooning you cough syrup and placing water glasses on your bedside table regularly; times like this, you wonder, how did you get so lucky? 

Korekiyo Shinguji

You don't know how he does it, but it seems Korekiyo can just sense when you're about to fall ill.

“Your aura is different today, my love.” you brush it off with a laugh and a flushed face, assuming he's just complimenting you in a strange way. But he keeps a close eye on you, suspicions confirmed when your voice becomes hoarse and your limbs weaker.

He’s always trying to incorporate his studies in with your recoveries; you’ve consumed more ancient remedies than your families home remedies because of him; most of which were very helpful.

Korekiyo insists you keep your eyes closed often when you're sick, for whatever reason. You're unsure if there's a scientific reason behind it, or if it just helps him rest easy, knowing you were resting to some degree, or…

“Kiyo, I’m serious, I need to get work done.”

Your boyfriend tsk’d softly, putting you back into bed with a gentle push. 

“I’m quite serious myself, lovely. Your work won't be the best it could be if you perform it under your current ailment.” With that, he made a soft stroke over your face, inclining you to close your eyes.

Literally how you would a corpse.

He's so cute, but it's time like these you see how people get a little off put by his nature.

You let out a defeated huff, wallowing in the overbearing haze of your illness; eyes shut, mouth agape, lips chapped and mouth dry.

You felt Korekiyo’s hand brush your hair away from your forehead, and the soft sound of rustling leather reached your popped ears faintly. Another slim hand slid its way under your upper back, lifting you up.

A soft, warm, sensation planted itself on your forehead. It took a few seconds, but you slowly processed that he was kissing you. A smile grew onto your face, a mellow giggle escaping your lips in the process.

“You've got a fever, I’m afraid.”

He takes your temperature with his lips when a thermometer isn't available, and honestly you've started to question if that's why hes so keen on having your eyes closed. Regardless of your position as his girlfriend, he's still not too comfortable being seen with his mask off.

You've asked, and he insists it's just the most accurate way to determine whether someone has a fever without a thermometer. Given that hes always wearing gloves, you guess he’s not wrong.

Though, some part of you wants to believe that he just wants to kiss you.

Bonus poly hc’s <3

Both Korekiyo and Rantaro have notably cold hands, Kiyo moreso. While they sometimes use it to tease you, (pressing their hands to your back when you're unsuspecting, snaking their arms around your front unprompted, etc.) it's actually quite pleasant when you're feeling feverish.

On the contrary, you find that they’re not opposed to using their charm to “sweat out” your fevers. 

“Oh, you poor thing. You need to lay down, let us take care of you.” “My love, how it pains me to see you like this… yet you’re still so beautiful.”

Kisses to your temples, hands… other places. Anywhere that gets your blood pumping and sweat flowing.

They try and cuddle with you… all the time, and when you're sick, it’s no exception. You try and argue with them, telling them how sick they'll get ; to no avail. You fall asleep with them both at your sides, arms crossed over you as if to keep you strapped into bed with them.

As much as you protest, there’s nowhere you'd rather be.

[lullabybug]

Just had probably the worst binge in over 4 months. I’m going to purge but this is going to be bad. Literally just ate so much of my worst purge foods an entire bag if m&m chocolates and pasta. It tasted good at least lol but I just know this is not going to be pretty.

I hate this ed so much because no matter what I eat or don’t eat I never feel okay like I always want to eat even when I’m not hungry and I know that’s normal when you’ve had an Ed for so long but it’s exhausting. This kind of out of control binge hasn’t happened to me in months like I always plan my binges so that I eat foods extremely easy to purge so never chocolate or pasta because purging those are almost painful to me. in my post binge despair and regret lmao I was thinking I need to stop being so restrictive and just eat more junk food in my calorie limit but even when I do that it’s never satisfying. Like if I eat a chocolate bar I just want another one so why would I waste the calories if I wouldn’t feel better than if I just had a 50 cal applesauce like nothing I do is ever enough to just feel like I’m not starving (maybe I’m just stupid because this is exactly what I’m doing like I’m literally starving myself)

I’m just tired of the binging and purging it’s killing me and I can’t seem to stop it. I have it mostly under control and I’ve lost lots of weight doing it but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still doing it almost every single day and I don’t want to anymore. I’m glad binges like this don’t happen everyday anymore though because I forgot how truly awful they feel physically and mentally. I’m really just procrastinating now because I’m really scared of how bad this is going to be to purge I’m going to try to do it or at least some of it hands free because I drank a lot of water.

Putting a cut because this is a long post and tw it’s kind of gross

Every time I purge I vomit blood and I think it’s from my throat because it’s always sore after so I really hope this goes at least not horribly painful but you know what here are the consequences of my actions maybe this experience will remind me why I stopped buying binge food and having uncontrolled binges. Stay tuned to find out if I completely destroy my body trying to purge this lol.

Don’t be like me I am stupid.

[kimkat0500]

Alaris - "Look at the high-waisted man, he's got feminine hips." "and I said "No," y'know, like a liar." "I will start with the fact that I am homeless, as that is a given. Then for backstory I will pepper in the fact that I am gay." "Ah, numbers... The letters of math." "When he was holding back the gay part, he did some of his best work." I went to college, I was 18 years old, I looked like I was 11. I lived like a goddamn Ninja Turtle. I didn't drink water the entire time." "I get that mom, but why don't we just tell our relatives that I'm a four-year-old boy..."

Sasha - "Can I please go home? (No! In fact, we're gonna frame you for murder!)" "Sometimes babies will point at me and I don't care for that shit at all." "And my brother was like "Hah, that's great!" *imitates gunshot noise*" "Here goes nothing, "Ya ever seen a ghost?""

Natalie - "I grabbed it, drank all of it, and said "It's perfume."" "I am very small, and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under." "I made a salad with Craisins!" "Give us some money!" "You're supposed to say "May I please have a Diet Coke please," and then maybe you would get one." "If you think this story ends with me being like "Absolutely Not," you're about to be so disappointed!"

Ella - "(And my girlfriend would just be like:) Let's see if Southwest has any flights." "Nah, nah, nah, you're not gettin' me to no secondary location!" "I'm allowed to make fun of my wife, I asked her and she said yes."

Rowen - "It was really easy to get away with murder before they knew about DNA." "He grabbed a 40, smashed it on the ground, and yelled "Scatter!"" "Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs." "Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? 'Cause it sounds like he sucks and I will totally kill that guy for you." "I was two hours late for my intervention- I didn't know people were waiting on me!" "I'm like the great Rasputin, they cannot bring me to my knees."

Kara - "When I was a kid I used to watch "America's Most Wanted, as kids do, and I would always be like "How could a human being kill another human being?"" "You have your law practice, and me? I have all these fuckin' markers." "Ever been to the goddamn zoo?" "There's a horse, loose in the hospital! (literally)"

Thea - "And in a brilliant moment of word association, I yelled, "Fuck Da Police!"" "Because you're never too young to learn our national "No Snitching" policy." "I'm definitely never gonna be president. Not unless everyone gets real cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly." "I was the best-looking person at my intervention, by a mile." "Has there been [an insurrection] since I got out? No, they wouldn't dare. They know Baby J is back on the streets."

Alvar - "You could pour soup in my lap and I'll probably apologize to you." "You want my money? *mimics throwing* Go get it! Then you run the other direction!" "Have you ever seen old film from the past of people just waving at a ship? What if I called you now to do that?" "When I was three years old, I thought Miss America was the Statue of Liberty."

Riina - "13-year-olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this day." "They'd be like "Governor, what's your favorite food?" and he'd be like "I don't know, fries."" "I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It's exhausting." "So I go in and I sit down and I go "Hi, I'm John M..." and they stare at me like "Why are you holding for applause?""

Siral - "He ordered one black coffee, for himself, and kept driving." "And without looking up at me, he said "You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair."" "So let me ask you this... In Nazi Germany- [...] How are you better than a Nazi?" "Time for Street Smarts with Detective J.J. Bittenbinder! Shut up, you're all gonna die! Street Smarts!" "Well, that was 7-year-old John Mulaney, currently being sued for police brutality." "I don't care for these new Nazis, and you may quote me on that." "Oh, those old winter coats! You know that phenomenon."

Delos - "I was once on the telephone with blockbuster video (which is a very old-fashioned sentence)." "And he was wearing reading glasses to show that time had passed." "What is college? *stammering* Stop going until we figure it out!" "Everything was slower back in the old days because they didn't have enough to do, so they slowed things down to fill the time."

Zarton - "I'll keep all my emotions right here and then one day, I'll die." "I also don't want me to be doing what I'm doing. I don't like that I'm in that lane either and I sure would like to get out of it." "Brush your teeth! Now, Boom! Orange juice. That's life." "There's a horse, loose in the hospital! (metaphorically)"

Tag your OC as a John Mulaney quote

[theghostpinesmusic]

Deschutes River Canyon 2024 (3/3)

On the third and final day of our trip, I woke up at 7am, changed my clothes, ate a snack bar, put another one in my pocket, drank half a liter of water, and was heading south down the trail with our campsite dwindling into the distance by 7:45.

It was cold in the shade and hot in the (early) sunlight, so I tried to split the difference and wear layers that would provide an in-between level of insulation. Of course, this just led to me sweating too much in the sun and freezing in the shade. But that was all just a minor inconvenience for what I hoped would be a mile or two of hiking.

Retracing our steps was easy at first, as the trail contoured along the basalt cliffs south of Gordon Canyon, and it was easy to see the route, at points, up to a half-mile ahead. As Lindsey's boots were a bright, pink-ish color, I imagined seeing a rosy little dot on the horizon that would grow into a boot as I hurried toward it. That didn't happen, though, and after a mile or so I was back down alongside the river rapids and the odd footing of the rockfield we'd passed through the day before.

I'd worried that this was where the boot ended up, because it is one of the few places along the whole trail where each hiker is left somewhat to their own devices when it comes to finding their way through the field. What that meant was that I wasn't going to be able to be sure that I was retracing our steps exactly, and that it was possible (in the tall grass and among the rocks) that I might walk past where the boot had fallen without seeing it.

I kept my eyes peeled and walked slowly, but still didn't see it. I started to think that maybe it had fallen out of her pack before Game Commission Camp and we were both just optimistically misremembering events. I had never really took seriously the possibility that someone else had already found it and just took it with them rather than trying to find the owner, but I also started to wonder if my faith in human nature might have been misplaced.

Then, about a third of a mile before reaching Game Commission Camp, I found it. It was just sitting in the middle of the trail, wet with morning dew, but otherwise none the worse for wear. I looped it over my shoulder with some rope I brought for just that purpose, leaving my hands free, and then, looking like the dumbest version of Indiana Jones ever, I scrambled up the cliffside above the rockfield to regain the main trail and head back to camp.

By the time I got there, Lindsey had packed up everything that could be packed before cooking breakfast. She was happy to get her boot back and I was happy to eat: I hadn't actually really expected to end up hiking almost four miles before eating a meal. I had packed light food and light portions for this particular trip, but had splurged in bringing along a dehydrated vegetarian chorizo scramble for breakfast on the third morning. It was definitely better than my usual breakfast of instant oatmeal.

Afterward, we finished packing up and left the two trees behind for another year, their pink-flowered boughs a harbinger of my second spring season of 2024.

From Colorado Camp, there are a few different trails that lead to the Columbia. The first, a continuation of the railroad-bed trail we'd followed to this point, stays above the river. The second follows closer to the river's shore, but is complicated in a few places by impinging cliffs and tumbled rockslides. The third climbs up to a plateau above the railroad bed before eventually dropping down to a less strenuous level before the end.

Not having known much about these options during my first two trips along the trail, I'd gone with my intuition and stayed as close to the river as possible. On our 2023 hike, we'd climbed up to the plateau and I'd been blown away by the open views of the river below us, but also of the northern side of the Columbia River Gorge, all the way in Washington state. We decided to go that way again this time.

The climb up to the plateau was not nearly as difficult or as hot as it had been in June, but the views were just as good. After a mile or so, though, the siren song of the river drew us in again and we decided to take a semi-bushwhacking path directly downhill back to the river trail. From there, we hiked the last mile out to the parking lot and the car.

Since the trail's northern terminus at the Columbia River drops you at the Deschutes River State Recreation Area and its associated campground, we spent a bit of time in the shade, at a picnic table, decompressing and snacking before loading up the car with our gear. Having just finished a twenty-five mile hike along the Deschutes River, we were of course obligated to stop in Bend during the drive home to get a beer and lunch at the Deschutes Brewpub. It was even better than my veggie chorizon breakfast.

I probably wrote something similar at the end of my write-up of last June's hike of this trail, but it remains a weirdly gorgeous and wonderfully accessible early-season backpacking option for hikers in Oregon (or, I suppose, southern Washington). It would also be a great first backpacking trip for someone just getting into it or for younger kids wanting to try it out. For us, it's become a spring tradition and it's hard to imagine passing another spring break at this point without doing it, boring, hot parts included.

Also, this is a weird sensor station of some sort that sits about two miles from the end of the trail. We always look forward to it and call it The Robot. So, enjoy The Robot.

For a change of pace, I did a pretty wild one-night snow camp with a work friend of mine the week after we finished this trip, so I'll likely write that one up next, here in the near future. Cheers!

[yourl0cal1ncorporealb3ing]

TW VENT AT SOME PARTS

(ALSO NONE OF THIS PROOF READ SO IT MAY NOT BE LEGIABLE I just wroet this and i already forgot half the stuff i wrote)

y'know the mix of horrid chronic fatigue and insatiable numbness and the dissociation just makes me feel like I missing out on life, I yearn to go outside, to go play, to have fun, just run around but I cant. I sit in my room on tumblr or youtube wasting the day away wishing I did something more productive. I feel like a husk of person I feel like Im in a movie theater alone watching the most boring movie ive ever seen, I feel lonely while also being too socially drained to watch and respond the the video my friend sent me. Not to mention when my parents used to fight, my moms road rage/anger issues, it caused me to fucking terrifed of conflict so sometimes I minimize my needs when around other people and constantly asking about things and if im doing it right but also worrying if im annoying them with all my questions because my grandma has gotton mad at me for that before i think either that or it was me asking why she loved my cousin more than me because she yelled and fought with my dad because i wouldnt give my cousin my fukcing chicken nuggets my dad bought for me like fuck you i mean im sorry grandma

The anxiety and hyperactivity of my ADHD spikes up at night so either i got to sleep and wake up in 13 hours or I can stay up till 4am, go to sleep and wake 13 hours (Just feeling a lot worse). Im literally shaking as I write this and i can tell if im just so fucking restless even if im fucking tired (its 3:38am) or anxiety or the entire kiwi strawberry monster I just drank Its ok im drinking water a lot of it i just need to get my thoughts out of my head because its like a thousond of the dvd bouncing tv screen in my head rn idk if its getting better idk if im gonna post this too maybe idk any ways im shaking oh btw i might have non-diabetic hypoglycemia and i have to get a bunch shots next week and I really hate the doctors it always makes me really scared and uncomfy n shit and idk why damn im shaking a lot. I almost freaked out bc i cant find my charger and my tablet almost died but i have another one ive been using so i just used that but i want to know where my charger went :(

istg ive been eating fucking pasta for the lat 3 weeks and i hate it i hate it i hate it HATE it every. fucking. meal. I cant. I have comfort foods I like and its mostly carby food like pasta so i eat pasta alot but since our oven stopped workin its all i know i can make that easy and i laike it but i secretly dread it so i have been eating a lot of candy to keep my brain happy but im not i should be happy ive been hanging with my frinds and its summr break but im just numb, i always am, yk the year I just finished? yeah for the majority of the i was fighting autopilot mode and disassociation but i was constantly in it i dont think i cant handle going to high school this year i think i might act pass out from exhaustion I barely survived middle school Im not okay i need something meds? idk I should not be this messed up i mean my family is great (yk...apart from the fighting which isnt that common anymore and moms anger issues) but theu love me so whats the problem? school school why is it so unoccomidating to neurodivergents same with ppl with social anxiety like i have had MULTIPLE bad panic attcks in class cause i had to do smthin in front of the class I fukcing hate the school system fuckfukcufkyoiuu school fuck the emercian school system FUCKYOUUUUUUUUU

Im too conflict avoident I cant

the afternoon feels so tiring in a stuffy way if that maks and sense i need to treat my FUCKING adhd already i can have music playing at all times thats not a good long term strategy to shut up my brain i mean ffuck i have music on rn and you can see my insane ramblings

anyyways I kinda think im a daave fiction kin (like DSAF) but im 90% sure im just and otherlinker and I just want to feel speacial or some shit but whos know i have the worst imposter syndrome known to man (I have almost every symptom of Cfs and my friend has asked if i have it but nahhh i defs dont) but also i had a weird experience once. I was like listen (its getting hard to type with the shakiness :0) ing to 2 dave and henry playlists and i kept listening to the henry one and I was in the car and i was falling and out of sleep when i saw like flash of dave but it didnt look like cannon dave he looked different he was mush more blue and he was leaning against a wall with messy longish hair and he had a hat and scars all over him and he had a purple buttoned shit that was fulled buttoned up and the perspective i saw was like a photo someone had taken and he seemed just chilling perhaps talking to jack? idfk but yeah theres my weird experience like the best way i can explain this feeling towards dave is "Idkk if i was you but probably mightve at some point like most likely at some point"

i hope i sound legiable (if i do post this AND someone actually reads this all) it is 4:08am and I feel too many things once i probably will sleep at 5 or 6 anyways byebye

[papercoffeandher]

Hi :)

How are you today?

Not perfect? That's ok! Me neither. :)

I read a quote a while ago on Pinterest and wrote it in my notebook to share with you today.

Might still print the actual image to put it in my room.

2 random but important topics to talk about:

1. A friend of mine never liked coffee, and drank some cold coffee to give me company in cafes, but that would be with a lot of sugar and chocolate chips and whatnot. He couldn't bear 2 sips of black coffee or cold brew.

He recently shifted somewhere for work and today he messaged me saying that he just drank one liter of black coffee and then had an energy drink to stay awake and energetic in the office because his head was hurting, because he couldn't sleep, and this was like before 10ish am in the morning. And for breakfast, he had a banana. He is feeling better. But. I don't feel good about it... I mean. When he told me he started drinking coffee, about 10 days back and drank a few cups and cans of black coffee now and then I was like ok yay we can kind of talk about coffee now. But then. Hmm. I am sharing my worry right now. I remember when another friend started taking 4 times the coffee she usually put in little water, to stay awake in the night and work, and it just got really bad because anxiety swept in soon enough. And I see my heartbeat getting faster and breathing getting tougher if I put more coffee powder or shots than usual in my drink... I don't want this to be his solution. It's easy. But it's addictive. Caffeine. And it can go down. Some people I know just chain coffee and smoke and it doesn't seem very healthy. It's really attractive, to be honest, I feel myself slipping into it sometimes too, but, must hold back.

Hm.

Interesting to look at coffee as a concern. Sucks actually.

2. On another topic. I met a new person. :) And she was so so sweet and beautiful and she's a freelance illustrator, artist, chuck the tags. But she has such good energy and I loved her doodles. She was kind and observant and patient and caring and acknowledging and a good listener and not loud. It was good. And she smiled. And other people there smiled and laughed too. It was beautiful. :) I went out after a long time. I am using the word 'was' because I met them yesterday. Anyway! My topic was: she was telling me how she has so many stickers but she doesn't use them because - then they'll finish and I think also where to use them.

I hear so many stationery lovers hoarding beautiful stickers and washi tapes and diaries and not being able to get themselves to use any. I don't face that problem a lot. I do plan and open things when they suit my needs but I don't have a problem opening and using them.

So I just thought I'd share a few tricks. Maybe they'll work for you.

With diaries, if I just can't get myself to write or draw (because what if it's not a 'perfect' work and the diary gets 'spoiled'), I just make a small scribble or a big scribble :P on the first page. It breaks the fear because the first page is already 'ruined' and the second one can't be 'worse'. You can also try leaving one or a few pages in the beginning or just using a random page. I do that too.

With stickers, the question is often where to use them and where will they look perfect and appropriate. So I just pick a few and paste them anywhere in any (mostly private) space. Like on anyone's door or switchboard or a remote, where it doesn't matter what you put and no one is greatly disturbed or offended and it's just aesthetic and fun. I giggle, laugh, and smile a lot doing that. It's like randomly throwing colors, here and there, which don't bother anyone and give me a small project of composition making. I think my approach is, to use the first things (pages of diaries or stickers) quickly and not as 'meaningfully' (like in this case: don't put the stickers on your personal devices like laptops or phones just yet) and you get calmer about the next steps.

This also reminds me, of sticky notes. To keep vandalism minimal, harmless, and little in size, I write funny or motivating one-liners and put them here and there in cafes and washrooms, or park benches. They stay temporarily so I don't think they bother a lot. That's also where my bill origami boats go. It's just fun. And non-pressurizing and just as easy to slip in.

Maybe give the first sheet of your new bundle of wow pages to someone else, and you can choose your favorite and start doing something.

Side note: My " I don't know if I'll be alive tomorrow." mindset kinda helps in this case, allowing me to make the best of today.

What will we do taking the stickers and the tapes to the grave?

Hope that didn't sound gruesome!

Ok, missing readers, bye. :)

Thanks for giving me space to express still! I wanted to use so many emoticons through the sentences but then thought they are after every 5 words so I'll just keep it to words (as much as possible).

Paper: Little journal.

Coffee: Cold coffee (Nescafe gold coffee powder)

[rocknbolan]

Trying to think of what and when and uh

I mean, there's the times she had me in her trunk. That's 5. I think.

The time the hood of the car almost hit me.

The black widow spider in my bed.

The time she waxed the floor and I didn't fall so much as literally scoot to the end of the hallway. I think this was an attempt but I'm not sure. It was hella fun doing a running leap into the hall and wooooosh to the other side. She was mad though so it was an attempt I guess.

coffee tasted funny more than once, but like I never drank it after, just dumped it.

the time her lighted mirror fell into the bathtub with me. but somehow it unplugged before it hit the water.

the sheets were shredded near my head a few times, not sure what that was about but I replaced em.

she got super mad one night when the spaghetti she made got accidentally dumped onto the floor.

I got locked in the garage once with the locked car running but like, I can pick locks on cars pretty easy.

A window AC unit on the second floor almost hit me. I stopped to admire a bee on a flower and whoosh right by my head, so freaky.

she was messing with a harpoon gun once and it fired. caught my hair, cause I had started to duck to grab another beer from the cooler when it happened.

she got mad when I decided to wear a different nose chain from the one she wanted me to wear. I never did see it again either, come to think of it.

the brakes on the car failed once, but it was on a slow residential street, I just hit the median and was fine.

I just can't think of anything else atm.

whoa

got a visit from the cops

she's not getting out of jail

and she documented 48 attempts to kill me in the last two years.

they were astounded I was standing there talking to them.

[mxchellesworld]

Discuss!

Spencer Reid x Reader

Synopsis; Where the team discusses the question ‘do you kiss after head’, you find out Spencer has too little experience to answer the question so you help him out

Warnings; smut, oral (male receiving), sub!spencer, praise, slight degradation 

a/n; LMAO im so sorry for disappearing again life has been actually kicking my ass but anyways lately i’ve been thinking about subby early season spence so here we go,, hope you enjoy!

***

Another Friday night and the team was out bar crawling after an easy case. But this time all members were there as it reached 11pm which was rare. Usually Hotch and JJ would have been home by 10:30 and Spencer wouldn’t have been there at all. But there was something light in the air which had all parties concerned sitting packed in a booth, laughing after each sip of their drinks. 

Since it wasn’t your first rodeo together you knew how the night went. It started off with Rossi offering to buy the first few rounds, always whiskey but he made an exception for Penelope. Then again who would deny her anything. 

Once the drinks were flowing and lips got a little loose, the questions would start popping in at the top of your heads. However these were not your run of the mill, ‘hows so and so doing?’ ‘done your taxes yet?’ oh no. The name of the game was discuss where you would all think of a question which would help you dig just a tiny bit deeper into your coworkers sex lives. 

Maybe if you were all sober then you’d avoid thinking of each other in such positions, pun intended, yet in this state your prying minds were open and your stomachs were ready to grow abs from bending over in laughter. 

You raised the margarita glass up clinking it with a fork to get the tables attention. Everyone including Aaron had a smile on their face, ready to hear the intrusive question for the night. 

“Ok my fellow profilers, doctor, and tech genius,” you added pointing at Spencer then Pen, “Do you kiss your partner after they give you head? Discuss!” you finished in your most formal voice. 

Right as you took a swig of your drink the mixed responses of yes and no filled your small space. 

“Why wouldn’t you? You guys especially, if someones willingly trying to swallow then you damn well owe them a kiss,” Emily finished earning nods and ‘exactly’s from JJ, Pen, and yourself. 

“Ok but thats weird. I just can’t explain it but its a no go for me,” Morgan finished. This only gained him a scoff and raised voices, “Hotch man help me out here,” he said looking over to the man hiding his smirk behind the amber liquid. 

“I have to agree with the ladies here Derek,” he said curtly. 

The girls yelped and hooted at Hotch for siding with them while Morgan sat with his arms crossed being the singular person left out as even Rossi agreed. Meanwhile you noticed the presence next to you had shrunk back and wasn’t too active in the conversation. 

“So Spence do you kiss your partner after they,” you trailed off shaking your fist by your cheek and poking your tongue in the side. 

He coughed as he instantly sat up quicker. Even under the dim lights of the bar you could still see the blush creeping up from his neck to his ears and the slightest tint on his cheeks. 

“Oh I uh- I never-” he said looking anywhere but your eyes. 

“You don’t kiss them?” you said raising your brows. 

“No! I-i mean yes. I would I think b-but I haven’t had the chance to actually partake in such.. activities,” he finished finally taking a look into your eyes. 

You could tell he was waiting for you to laugh in his face for being so inexperienced but you felt far from it. If anything you wished you could be the one to show him things. 

That sweet boy had you wrapped around his finger and he didn’t even know it. Maybe it was his naivety considering how exceptionally smart he was. Or maybe it was the cute sweater vests he wore and now he nervously tucked his hair behind his ears. All you knew was that you wanted Spencer Reid and tonight was your night to make it happen. 

You hummed taking in the information, “Well that’s not a bad thing Spence. Everything takes time,” you said putting your hand on his arm for comfort and giving him a smile. 

Going to turn back to face the table you almost didn’t hear Spencer go to speak again, “Do you?” 

Got him.

“Why don’t you find out pretty boy,” you said with a wink as you downed the rest of your marg. In the corner of your eye you could see Spencer shifting in his seat, subtly moving his bag to cover the slowly growing tent in his slacks. 

As the night went by you couldn’t help but really give him a show. You had popped open a button or two on the long sleeve you had on, since it was getting stuffy in the booth. Though when you leaned forward and jutted your chest out, the soft inhale of a breath from the man next to you was just serving as motivation to get bolder. 

For the last hour you called it quits on the alcohol and drank a few glasses of water before you drove home. Spencer had been uncharacteristically quiet ever since your little interactions. 

The team had all gotten up to say their goodbyes. Rossi going by and giving everyone a kiss on each cheek. Derek having to quite literally rangle Penelope from talking to passing by groups on their way out. Then there were two. 

You turned to the side where Spencer was nursing on his coke, “Hey pretty boy, it’s late, let me give you a ride home,” you said grabbing your belongings. 

“Y-yeah ok. Thanks Y/n,” he said getting up. You’d noticed how he still had the burnt orange bag over his crotch. He couldn’t still be hard could he? Well you’d love to find out. 

As gentlemanly as he was, Spencer opened the door for you to exit the building first. The whip of fresh night air cooling on your exposed chest and legs under your skirt. 

You unlocked your car and stepped in, Spencer waiting to hear the little beep signaling his side was open. As he sat down you heard him let out a little whimper. Your head shot over to look at him, you could tell from the flush on his cheeks he didn’t mean to let the noise out. 

Holding in your chuckle you started the ignition and pulled out of the lot, “Can I put on some music?” 

“Yeah I don’t mind,” he said looking over at you with his lips in a line. If it was anyone else, they’d probably think he was uncomfortable but you loved his tiny awkward smiles. 

The ride to his apartment was mostly silent besides a rare quip from Spencer about paper work or fact about an older building you had passed by. It fascinated you to no end hearing him talk. Spencer was a hand speaker, meaning he always used his hands waving them around and making gestures. The pale digits had you captivated. Probably a driving hazard but you couldn’t help but let your mind wander. 

You pulled up into one of the visitor spots and put the car in park. You looked over to see Spencer almost contemplating something. You’d seen the look on his face before when he was looking over puzzles. 

“Somethin on your mind Doc?” you said with a small smile. As cute as he looked when he was nervous, you’d never want him to feel uncomfortable around you. 

“Would you-,” he cleared his throat, “Wo- Would you maybe want to c-come inside?” 

“Of course Spence I’d love to,” you finished with a reassuring nod. 

As he led you upstairs you were giddy with anticipation. So what if nothing happened. He was your friend first and you were glad he was letting you into his personal space. Even if you wanted nothing more than to have him writhi-

“Y/n?” 

The door closing snapped you out of your thoughts. You didn’t even realize you were in his living room. The dark green walls and shelves bursting with books put a grin on your face, “Sorry Doc, just caught up in my thoughts. What did you say hun?” 

His brows practically raised to his hairline from hearing the pet name. While he was used to the names coming from Garcia they took a whole different light coming from your lips. 

“I was asking if you wanted water or something,” he said fiddling with the keys in his hands. Eyes darting everywhere but your face so you wouldn’t be able to see the flush rising on his cheeks. 

“No I’m fine thanks for asking though,” you said taking a seat on the worn leather couch. 

You reached for the tv remote making a face at Spencer to ask for permission. He nodded and you settled back turning on an old sitcom that played late at night. 

As the episode ended you both sat in silence. Again you didn’t mind but you could practically hear the cogs moving in Spencer’s brain. 

You were about to speak when he cut you off before you could even get a word out, “What did you mean by ‘why don’t you find out’.”

Gaining confidence you moved closer to where he was on the couch, slow enough for him to stop you in case he wanted to back out. 

“Well you have options pretty boy,” you said moving a leg to straddle him. Your hands instinctively going to his brown locks. You could’ve sworn you heard a little moan leave his chapped lips. Noted. 

“W-what are the options,” lust blown eyes looked up to yours. 

“One, you can put that mouth to good use on me,” you said trailing your finger over his bottom lip, “and let me cum over that pretty face.” 

His eyes shut hearing your words and you weren’t having it, “Nuh uh eyes on me honey,” instantly they were back on yours. 

“Or number two. I can suck you off and let you cum down my throat, but,” you paused making sure to roll your hips on his growing length, “ you have to give me a nice big smooch after.” 

The hands on your hips pulled you closer as he bucked his hips into you as you finished the sentence. It was clear which option was preferred. 

You moved to slide down in between his legs. You let your hands trail down his clothed thighs, causing him to jump. 

“Tsk such a needy boy,” you said mockingly, “Am I not going fast enough baby?”

“Please Y/n,” he all but whimpered. It was like music to your ears. 

Your hands went to his belt, looking up in his eyes for a final sign of permission. Once he nodded you quickly undid it and he lifted his hips to help get his pants down. You palmed him over his boxers, feeling the wet patch where he was already leaking pre cum. 

“Is this all for me Spence? Does the thought of my lips around you make you this hard,” you said taking him out of the striped confines. 

“Oh god please just,” he cut himself off. You could see his hands curling fists besides his legs. 

“Please what baby? I can’t give you anything unless you ask.” Your hands continued their task of leisurely stroking his length. 

“Fuck please put your mouth on me,” he rushed out, hips bucking to prove his point. 

The answer was good enough for you so you wasted no time in leaning forward and taking him in your mouth. Both of you let out content sighs as you tried to take him further. 

You looked up to see him with his head leaned back, eyes scrunched closes in pleasure. 

You pulled off with a pop, letting your hand work him over. “Better keep those pretty eyes on me before I decide you can’t finish.”

He looked down with a flash of worry, that was quickly replaced by a loud moan as you spit down on his cock before taking him in your mouth again. 

For a germaphobe, Spencer loved how nasty it was. He was thanking god or whatever higher being there was for giving him his eidetic memory because the sight below him was something he’d never wanna forget. 

Your eyes were teary and you had spit dribbling down your chin but he wanted nothing more than to give you more than just a kiss after you finished. Or well after he finishes. 

You could tell he was close by the way he was throbbing on your tongue. Again taking him out of your mouth you used both hands to jerk him off. 

“You’re doing such a good job baby. So good for me. You wanna cum in my mouth pretty boy?”

“God Y/n I’m so close please please please,” he whimpered out. 

“Cum for me baby, be my good boy Spence,”  you said before taking him down your throat. He was big, not girthy but long and it was a struggle but you’d be damned if you didn’t try to take him all. 

Hollowing your cheeks you bobbed your head quickly, egging on his release further. His hands finally found a place in the back of your head. Pushing you down further as he came. 

“F-fuck Y/n I’m gonna”

His moans and whines were a symphony of sounds you’d have on repeat in your head forever. 

You swallowed the salty release but before you could even wipe your lips you were being pulled up by Spencer placing his lips on yours. You moaned into the kiss, his hands gripped the sides of your face not wanting to let you go. 

The need for air made you both pull back. You looked at one another, chests heaving and looking like you ran a marathon. 

Then a sad look came across his face. 

“Spencer what’s wrong?” 

“You didn’t get any pleasure,” he said looking like a hurt puppy. Oh your sweet boy. 

“It’s ok baby, I can take care of myself,” you tried to shrug off.

He was quick to push you back on the couch, taking the spot you were previously in. His warm lips trailing down your exposed thighs. 

“I wanna do it, but only if you kiss me after.” 

[seizethegrey]

to try again tomorrow

Dear nurse on the street:

In 2021, you took my arm and led me home through the Upper East Side. I was so drunk I could barely walk. I assume you found me stumbling up 2nd Avenue, or sitting on a curb in front of that shitty bar a block from the hospital.

I suppose you knew exactly what was up. You don't have to be a genius to spot a substance use disorder when a person is already blotted out drunk, and at that point, PTSD was a foregone conclusion for us all.

One of the weirder things about being an alcoholic is that I'll never remember the people who saved my life. For better or worse, you will always be faceless; your voice will always be a muddled burble like running water. Yet your empathy left a mark on me, something that will never fade.

It is easy to look back on that incredible dark moment in my life and all the moments like it and hate the person I was. Yet in that moment, you looked and me, and you didn't see a lost cause. You saw a person who deserved to go home that night, someone who deserved a chance to sleep it off and try again tomorrow. You didn't even know I was a doctor until you got me home, when my humiliated husband sputtered that out as one of the justifications that I wasn't currently a complete write-off of a human being, yet you took me home anyway.

I cannot help but be anodyne in my assessment of my disease. Indeed, the ability to think of disease in any other way is something that was patiently excised from my mind over many years. So I will put it this way: last month, I changed the qualifier for my diagnosis.

"Alcohol use disorder, moderate, with dependence, in early remission" has become "alcohol use disorder, moderate, with dependence, in sustained remission."

One year. That means one year.

The first time I really tried to quit was the day after you brought me home, and while it took me several more times to make it stick... I think it finally might have.

I have come to recognize that there is much I share with you. I have spent a lifetime figuratively and literally walking human beings home for the night, a faceless, nameless figure practiced in the art of giving people another day. I have always been a person with a bad disease, but I have also always been a person who helps.

I told my nurses once, at morning rounds, after months and months of ending loss and tragedy: "I want you to know that I came in this morning and I did what I do every morning. I looked through the charts. I looked at every dose of every medication.

"I would like to bring your attention to the fact that every night nurse who is here on rounds this morning walked into the room of a patient on palliative morphine and gave a dose... every four hours. Like clockwork. Even when the order was written 'as needed' rather than 'standing.'

"I see you. Maybe some people don't, but I see you. You're helping. Even those we cannot save, we can still help."

Then I went home and drank myself into a stupor... but tonight, I won't. If I work hard and I'm lucky, I never will again.

It turns out that a person who is willing to help a worthy cause even when that cause seems hopeless is a person worth fighting for.

[shorkbrian]

College parties.

Only thing they’re good for is free alcohol and drunk, easy girls.

Levi has one of those things, sipping on some sort of jungle juice while he sits down, joins the circle of people around a single beer bottle.

The ringleader of the group, some sleazy-looking shaggy haired shit with glasses spins the bottle, Levi blanching as it points towards himself. But the idiot just smiles, points Levi towards the shoe closet near the back door, shouts of “Have fun!” and “Use protection!” hollered after the man as he makes his way to it.

This isn’t usually how this game is played.

There you are when he opens the closet door, wobbling on your tiptoes, hands tied to the clothing rack above your head. Your chest is heaving, tears running down your cheeks and soaking into the cloth stuffed in your mouth, tied tight in a knot behind your head.

Your shirt is pulled up over your chest, exposing the bra you’re wearing, skirt dipping so low on your hips that it’s obvious that you’re missing your panties. You’re barefoot too.

Levi is pulling your shirt down over your bra with a grimace, untying your hands and shimmying your skirt back into place while you sob in relief, arms and legs almost numb as he holds you up once you’re untied. The second the gag is out of your mouth you’re thanking him, your savior.

“Sleazy shitbags.” He spits as he hauls you past the circle of college students, irritated cries and disappointed jabs aimed his way as Levi takes away the entertainment for the night.

But Levi doesn’t take you out of the house.

He takes you to the bathroom, helps you sit down on the counter before closing and locking the door.

“How’d you let yourself end up in a situation like that?” The dark haired man asks, pulling a hand towel from a shelf and running it under some water. You’re sniffling as you struggle to calm down, wiping at your eyes but Levi catches your hands, dabs at the skin with the warm towel instead.

His question goes unanswered - you’re too worked up to speak, or maybe just too shy. Either way, Levi frowns as he works the towel gently across your pretty eyes to wipe away the tears.

Honestly, it doesn’t make sense why he’s bothering to dry your tears - he’s just going to make you cry again.

But this time when you cry, it’ll be just because of him.

“Why’re you wearing such a short skirt, that’s literally asking for guys to treat you like a fucking piece of meat.” The man says, thumbing at the soft material across your thighs, and you shake your head.

“I wasn’t-”

“You’ve been drinking too I bet, trying all the shitty garbage that they have in the kitchen.” 

Another shake of your head, mouth opening to speak in that soft, little voice, but Levi beats you to it. 

“Recipe for disaster, girls like you should know better.”

“But they-they made me...” Your bottom lip wobbles as you try to dodge the unfair accusations, and it’s Levi’s turn to shake his head. 

“No, you let them. If you were smarter this wouldn’t have happened.”

The hand playing with the hem of your skirt moves upwards, slipping underneath the fabric and sliding up your thigh. Levi was just guessing earlier about the alcohol, but your slow reaction time has him thinking that maybe you have drank a bit.

His hand brushes against your bare pussy before you squeeze your thighs, a panicked, quiet “No!” tumbling out of you with your next breath.

Looks like he was absolutely right about the no-panties thing.

Hand trapped between your plush little thighs, Levi arches a brow. “No? You’d rather I do this back in the closet where everyone can hear you and is waiting their turn to screw you after?”

The fear, the confusion in your eyes as your savior tries to grope you is priceless. Levi feels the snicker bubbling up from his lungs before he can stop it, sneering down at your cute little teary face.

“I need more than seven minutes for what I’m going to do to you.” Comes his sordid promise, and you’re shoving at his chest, frantic.

“I’ll-I’ll tell the dean, you can’t do-”

“-This?” Levi doesn’t have to bend to mash his lips to yours, everything warm and wet and pressing his body closer to trap you on the counter, make you feel the hardness in his pants.

You won’t open your mouth, but that’s okay.  Levi pinches your nose with his free hand, cutting off your air supply and in seconds you’re struggling to gasp around his tongue, trying and failing to turn your head away from his relentless pursuit.

Only when he’s satisfied does Levi pull away, pleased to see that you’re crying again, all because of him.

“You want to tell the dean? Here, I’ll call him.” The man states, fishing out his phone. “Just need to find dad’s number...”

His eyes flick up to catch your reaction, and he can’t stop himself from smiling at the weak grimace on your face as you realize the full situation. There’s nothing you can do to stop him.

“Oh, did I call him dad? Oops. I’m not supposed to let other students know that. You still want me to call the old fuck?”

A timid little shake of your head and Levi feels uncharacteristically giddy. 

He always gets what he wants.

[yunoysl]

truth or dare. (m)

Summary: none it’s literally self explanatory they play truth or dare and proceed to fuck

Pairing: fuckboy!jaemin + fuckgirl!reader

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: use of weed, mention of feeling like vomiting, fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, size kink, Jaemin’s very big, small praising and degradation

Hope you like it! Feedback is greatly appreciated! also off topic but I really like the header I made.

You’ve finally arrived at the party everyone has been talking about for two weeks now. You’ve been invited like crazy by a bunch of different guys, and who are you to turn down a good party.

“Y/N, you’re here” Jaehyun, the thrower of said party, asks you when he sees you step through the door. You both had a small fling for two months before he decided to make moves on the girl he’s been pining for 3 years. They’re been together for 5 months now, and you’re so happy for both of them.

“Yeah, where Haechan”

“In the kitchen doing god knows what”

You bid him a goodbye before heading to the kitchen, seeing your best friend Haechan mixing random drinks together and Jeno on the side looking at him and the drinks with disgust. You walked in just in time to hear the conversation they were having.

“I told you soda cannot make your stomach explode”

“But Yukhei said that it did, why would he lie to me”

“That’s because you’re naive and believe anything he tells you”

“I do not”

“Last week you believed the thing we saw while we were walking at night was a skincrawer because Yukhei said so”

“So, it actually might’ve been one”

“It was Taeyong looking for his keys that he dropped”

“You’re both idiots” you interrupt their conversion to make yourself known.

Your voice makes Haechan jump, which makes Jeno laugh. “We weren’t talking about how naive I am”

“Oh Haechan, you’re very naive, but that’s what I love about you”

“Hey Y/N”

“Hi Jeno” you’re extra happy to see him. Yes you’ve also slept with him but he was so sweet about it, not wanting do anything you didn’t feel comfortable with and also spoiling with your affection and praises before and after doing it.

“Haechan, what are you even doing?”

“I don’t know, I was bored, I came in here and saw drinks so I decided to get creative”

“He’s lost his mind” Jeno says, referring not just to him believing everything Yukhei tells him, but also the need to mix drinks just because he was bored.

“I knew that a long time ago”

“Can y’all stop bashing me like I’m not standing right here? So Y/N, you gonna sleep with anyone while you’re here? It’s been 3 weeks since you last slept with someone, I’m kinda starting to get worried that you’re a robot who’s replaced the real Y/N” You’ve had your fair share of guys. And you’re pretty experienced in what you do, never having a guy be disappointed when you’re with them. “You know Jaemin’s here?”

“So?”

“The amount of sexual tension you both have is insane, it makes everyone around uncomfortable. Just fuck him already”

“And I will, he’s the only one of your friend group that I haven’t slept with”

“Okay gross, and also you haven’t done me yet”

“You don’t count” he glares at you as you take a sip of the your drink, which thankfully wasn’t touched by Haechan and his experimenting.

“Thanks, I’ll try not to be offended”

“That’s the spirit”

Your attention switched from Haechan talking to Jaemin in the corner being very intimate with a girl. One of his hands was on her waist while the other was caressing her face, laughing at what she was saying.

“What are you guys doing inside” Yukhei, another friend of yours asked as he interrupted your attention to make his presence known in the kitchen, “all the fun is happening by the pool”

You, Haechan and Jeno moved to the pool, indulging in conversation with your group of friends. You’re watching as Johnny rolls a joint, about to have his second of the night. He offers you to take the first hit, you happily take it, only taking two puffs before passing it back to him not wanting to get too high or messed up tonight.

“If you’re not gonna get with Jaemin might as well get with Johnny again, I mean look at him, he’s huge, and I’m not just talking about what’s in between his legs” Haechan whispers into your ear, scaring you as you didn’t expect him to be all in your ear.

“Haechan, that’s gross”

“Rich coming from someone who’s had said thing between his legs in their mouth”

“I will punch you in the face if you don’t shut up”

“I’m just saying, the way his long slender fingers look while he’s pinching the paper of the blunt, a second time wouldn’t hurt”

You don’t get the chance to smack him before Jaemin is rushing over to where you were.

“Hey Y/N, can you come help me take Jaehyun to his bedroom. He drank a little too much and needs to be moved to his room”

“Oh, sure” you bid Haechan a goodbye, but not before having him give you a wink, silently telling you to get with Jaemin while you’re alone with him.

It wasn’t easy getting Jaehyun to his bed. First of all you had to kick out two people who were in there doing it, second you had to keep pausing and taking breaks since he’s very heavy and much taller than both of you — you don’t know why he didn’t just ask Johnny to help him. and thirdly, he was on the verge of throwing up a lot, so you had to keep him from puking on either one of you. You both decided to take a break in one of the empty bedrooms, too tired to walk back downstairs.

“Well we’re alone now... wanna play truth or dare”

“Really? You’re that childish?”

“Come on, it’s a fun game. Truth or dare”

“Okay, dare”

“I dare you to fuck me”

There’s a pregnant silence from you, making Jaemin slightly start to worry and make him think that he just ruined the friendship you both have, before you finally said, “okay”

He pushed you onto the bed before climbing on top of you, bringing his face close to yours to press a hard kiss to your lips. Your hand reaching up to pull on his soft locks while your mouth was on his. Your lips were so in sync with his, you found yourself lost in thought before he pulled away, eager to finally be inside you.

He obviously had to get you ready first and not just shove himself into you when you’re not even wet. He pulls your shorts and underwear off to throw them to the side. His fingers find their way to your wet count, teasing you by rubbing his fingers over you before shoving two inside you, not wanting to waste time.

“You’re so wet, naughty girl. You couldn’t even wait for me to do it myself, you’re already dripping just from me kissing you” The wetness of your cunt was very evident in the quiet room, the sound of it reaching Jaemin’s ears and having his thrusting into the air. He slipped another finger into you, thrusting them for a few minutes before pulling them out.

He pulled you off the bed to be in your spot where you were laying before pulling you on top of him.

His hands grip your hips while pulling you down on him.

His eyes made eye contact with yours as you stretched around him, his lips still swollen from your make out session.

“You’re so good for me. So tight, so so tight” He started thrusting upwards, your hips bouncing to meet his. You buried your face into his shoulder, moaning out as he bottomed out inside you. He was big, really really big, nearly splitting you in half if you hadn’t been adjusted to him.

“S-So big, Jaemin... it’s too much.” The stretch he was giving you almost had you dizzy.

“Shhh.. it’s okay. You can take me. I’m right here” His cock felt so good inside you, feeling every vein and ridge of his cock as he continuously thrusted into you. Your moans made his cock twitch.

You were both so sexually frustrated that it wasn’t quick until you felt yourselves about to finish at the same time. His tip continuously hitting your g-spot had you moaning in ecstasy, the pleasure he was giving you had you on the verge of almost blacking out. His cum was leaking from around his cock as he thrusted in and out of you.

“Cum with me, you can do it” that was what had you coming undone, your pussy clenching around him as his warm cum painting your walls white. Your eyes rolled back as he filled you up to the brim, your toes curling.

When he pulled out, both of yours cum that was mixed together leaked out of you, the white substance dripping down onto Jaemin thighs, having him moan at the sight of your abused pussy filled and leaking with his cum. It would’ve made him hard again if he wasn’t extremely tired.

You were so caught up in being busy with Jaemin you didn’t realize he had brought you to his room, and not some strangers like you originally thought. He cleaned you up before heading downstairs to get you both water and some snacks and returning back to you, both of you deciding to watch Netflix and enjoy each other’s warm company.

[universalistotalis]

Too Far

Angst!!!

Atsumu Miya x Female Reader

Word count: 1.5k

Loving Atsumu Miya was absolute bliss. You loved every second of his affection, his skin, his warmth, his laugh, and his jokes. That giant bastard may be a crackhead to his friends and family, but with you, his affectionate side just pops out of nowhere. His eyes filled with love when he looks at you. His arms opened so wide to envelope you in an embrace so tight, your feet lift up the floor with ease. His words laced with care and love with a hint of playfulness at the side and they never failed to make your insides scramble everytime.

You shake your head from the daydream that you’ve consistently been having since the start of the relationship.

God, you loved him so much, didn’t you? You gave your whole world to the man of your dreams. You sacrificed time, effort, patience, you name it, just to have one second by his side.

And because of that love, you became an absolute fool.

Who were you kidding, right? THE Great Atsumu Miya will never settle. Who were you to tame that wild beast? How special did you think you were when he had a sea of people under his spell, his command?

Just face it, you’re nothing to him.

And so you did. You left your shared apartment after waiting for him to come home for the nth time. Who knows where he was, who he’s with, what he’s doing. You were done thinking of an imaginary Atsumu who will love you wholeheartedly. That’s just not going to happen.

After many sobs and insecurities flooding in, you were ready to face the world again. Even more ready to face Atsumu. He’s nothing to you now. There were no grudges held in your heart. There were no tears in yours eyes. But more importantly, there was new love formed in your chest and that’s reserved for the most important person in your life. You.

“Damn, y/n!!! What happened to you?!” One of your friends cheered as you met to go to a club on a Friday night. Work was pretty hectic lately and you all agreed to a well- deserved night out.

“No kidding, you’re literally glowing!!!” Another hyped and slapped your ass playfully as you walked through the doors. “Let’s get wasted tonight!!!”

And my god, your whole group did. You all danced to your heart’s content, ordered liquor until your head got rid of all inhibitions, laughed at each other’s faces and jokes… overall, it was a night to remember.

“Y/n?” You heard a voice behind you followed by your right wrist being cased within the hands of another.

You were just on the verge of getting sober so you wonder if the image right in front of your eyes was real or not. He used to stand with his chest puffed out in confidence but now, he looked deflated. Under his eyes were dark circles, proof of him not sleeping well. His usual playful demeanor was gone and the man in front of you now looked so lost, confused… lonely.

“Atsumu?” You squinted, not believing the sight in front of you.

“It really is you.” He slurred and you had a whiff of liquor on his breath. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been doing great, Miya. Thanks.” You smiled, genuinely.

“Where’s my sweet nickname?” He joked. “You look so damn happy celebratin’ with yer friends tonight, huh? That happy to be rid of me, ain’t ya?” He chuckled darkly.

You were taken aback with what he said. What does he have to do with you having a great party?

“Miya, don’t do this right now. I have to go.” You tried to excuse yourself from his intrusion.

“I hate it. I hate it so goddamn much.” He whispered, closing the distance between you two and caged you on the wall behind. “I’ve been a mess since ya left, sweetheart. Seeing you having the time of your life makes me feel so damn angry. Am I that easy to forget?”

“Atsumu, I—“

“Come back to me.” He puffed. “Come back to me and I promise to treat ya right. I’ll do everythin’ ya want, just please… I love you.” His voice faltered at the end as whimpers of his cries followed. Never in your whole life did you think you’d see him break down because of you. But here he is! AND you never thought of hearing those three words with utmost sincerity from his lips. But again, here he is!

A nostalgic smile lifted from your lips and Atsumu stared at it for a while. The alcohol in his system was enough to make himself go haywire but your smile sent him spiraling. He meant what he said. He missed you to death. He needed you back.

“Come back to me, please.” He repeated and leaned his forehead on yours.

“I’m sorry, Miya.” You said as you held his face in your hands. “Thank you for being honest with me. But it’s too late. I’ve moved on from everything and you should too.”

His head violently shook no as more tears spilled from his eyes. He’ll do everything for you except let you go. “I’ll be better. Please, I’ll be better! I’ll try my best to keep ya, baby, that’s how much I love you! I can’t—“

“Then try your best with the next person because it won’t be me, Miya. I hope you understand.” You said while wiping his tears. “That relationship was too toxic for me and I can’t go back.”

“I’m sorry.” He said, voice too slow and too low to even hear but you did. “I’m so sorry.”

“Atsumu! You prick!” Your head whipped to the left at the familiar voice that boomed. Osamu barreled over to where you were but his steps slowed as he saw your figure caged inside Atsumu’s arms.

“Y/n.” He said, as if in a daze.

“Hi Osamu.” You greeted awkwardly since Atsumu’s stare is still hard and focused on your face. The alcohol seemed to have a toll on him and he was beginning to doze off. Either that, or he still did not process what you’ve been saying.

“Stop it, man.” Osamu came behind his twin and caught him by the collar. He turned to you next while carrying a limp Atsumu in his embrace. “I’m sorry for his behavior. He drinks more than he can take. He’s been out of it since… you know… your break up.”

You smiled sadly. “Oh.” Well, what were you supposed to say to that?

“Y/n!!! Come back here!” One of your friends saw you and waved you to the table.

“That’s my cue to go.” You smiled.

“Yeah.” Osamu nodded.

“Osamu, you’re here!” Atsumu woke up from his reverie and comically hugged his brother, surprising the both of you.

“You know what? Y/n was here! I told her I love her but she didn’t believe me! Tell her! Tell her for me! Maybe she’ll believe you! Help me man, I can’t lose her!”

Your chest burned at the sight and at his words. How you longed for him to say those three words in the past. But it’s just too late.

“Stop it, Tsumu.” Osamu whispered, heart aching for his twin. He saw how broken he was these past few months but then it was his fault after all. He shot you an apologetic look. “I’m sorry for this again. Take care, Y/n.”

“Take care too, Osamu.” You smiled. “Take care of him too.”

“I will.” He agreed then proceeded to take Atsumu to their table.

“It hurts, Samu.” Sudden whimpers came out from Atsumu’s mouth after a few steps. “It fucking hurts. I don’t think I can take this.”

“Imagine how she felt, you bastard.” Osamu sighed. “She really was a keeper, wasn’t she?”

Atsumu hummed in agreement. “She was. She still is.”

“Look, she’s gone, Tsumu. You need to move the fuck on and stop tormenting the poor girl! You’ve caused her enough pain.” Atsumu then was dumped harshly on the cushions.

“You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” The saying rang in Atsumu’s ears, echoing louder and louder as the music in the club intensified throughout the night. It mocked him to the core! He drank himself to oblivion for months now, trying to forget your presence in his life. Visions of you were everywhere! You were in his room tucking him to bed. You were in the kitchen whipping up a random recipe from the internet. You were in his living room, dancing to his playlist even when you heard the songs for the first time. You were in the stands cheering for his every move. You were even on his morning jogs, passing his water bottle to make sure he’s hydrated.

You took care of him in the best way possible and he can’t believe how involved you were with his life. How did he not see that? He didn’t realize that what he bothered himself within the past were temporary things that brought temporary bliss. You were his life, his love. How could he throw something so serious? So permanent?

He watched you from afar, drunk as fuck but visions still sharp as a hawk on your side. You were happily talking to your friends, rewarding them with your gorgeous smile and wonderful laugh. Maybe this was his punishment for ever breaking someone as pure as you.

He may be close to where you were but he can never be too close to be yours again.

Okay wait HAHAHA I love Atsumu but I wanted to write an angsty post about him so here it is! This was inspired by the song “Bedroom” by JJ Lin and Anne- Marie. I just love that song so much, I have it on repeat rn.

ALSO YOU'RE SO WORTH IT AND YOU DESERVE THE BEST! Just reminding y'all in case you forgot. <3 hope you liked this one! <3

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Veritaserum Prompt Fic (Part 9)

(It has been a minute since I've posted anything on this fic. Sorry friends-thanks for your patience! If you'd like you can start at the beginning, Part 1 on Tumblr and click through or head over to AO3 to read the whole thing.) ============

One week.

It took one week for Draco to make all of the arrangements; to brew the potion and to get in touch with Granger to make a plan without Harry knowing.

None of it was easy, of course. Harry spent so much time with him that it was hard to have secrets, but Draco couldn't ever find it in himself to complain. If he was a better man maybe it would have gone faster but in the grand scheme of things what was one week against the balance of the rest of his life?

But, as he stirred the potion seven times counter-clockwise and it changed to a dark purple, he knew that his time was up. This was the last piece. He already had the portkey from Granger that would deliver him to her house, she'd drawn up the contract that he would sign when he got there granting Harry immunity, and now the sleeping draught was complete. A few drops in the tea that he was going to make for Harry right before bed and he'd be able to leave.

His heart clenched traitorously and his brain continuously searched for ways to weasel its way out of spending his life in prison. But this was the only way. The only that Harry would have a chance at the life that he deserved after all he'd been through. It wasn't fair for him not to get to enjoy the world he'd saved.

It was time for Draco to do the right thing. For once. He had to, Harry was his now and he had to protect him, he had to do what was best for him. The only way to give Harry his freedom was to give up his own.

"Hey," Harry said, voice warmer than the sunshine on the beach as he wrapped his arms around Draco's waist and buried his face in the side of Draco's neck, interrupting Draco from his thoughts. And Draco's entire soul ached.

(Read more below the cut)

"Hi yourself," he managed, keeping his voice light and cheerful.

He felt Harry grin against his neck, "How are you?" he asked as through they hadn't seen each other a mere hour ago.

"Good," he whispered, pressing back into Harry's arms, because how could he be anything else when Harry was holding him. "Did you finish that table you were building?"

"Mmhmm," he hummed, kissing the spot just behind Draco's ear that made him feel a bit weak in the knees. "I thought maybe we could eat dinner outside."

He nodded, "Let me just tidy up out here first."

"Kay," Harry replied, pressing one more smacking kiss to his neck and making Draco laugh. "I'm going to start grilling the salmon we picked up yesterday, okay?"

He nodded. "I'll be out in a minute."

Harry gave him a wave and then disappeared out of the work room, traipsing through the green house.

Draco took a steadying breath and pulled out a small phial that he filled with the sleeping draught.

Only a few more hours.

---------------

And the hours passed far too quickly, eating dinner, then sitting close to the ocean where the waves could wash over their feet as they drank beer and laughed up at the stars.

"Harry?" he said.

"Mmh?" the other man asked, pressing his shoulder against Draco's.

He gave him a little smile, "This is the happiest I've ever been."

Harry turned his head to look at him and smiled back, "Yeah?"

Draco nodded.

"Me too," he replied, leaning in to kiss him softly.

His heart twisted uncomfortably in his chest, squeezing and wrenching like a wet towel being wrung out. "Love you," he whispered.

He felt Harry's smile as he kissed him, mouth stretched too wide, "I love you, too," he replied.

They sat staring out over the ocean for long moments and Draco knew he had to do it now. If he let the other man take him to bed, if he let Harry tell him how happy he was and how much he loved him, he wouldn't be able to do it.

"Do you want another?" he asked, pointing to Harry's beer. "I'm going to use the loo, I can grab you one while I'm up," he offered.

Harry tilted his head back to look up at him, curls spilling across his face and catching in the breeze. "Maybe a glass of water?"

"Alright," he replied, trying to figure out what he was going to hide the sleeping potion in as he brushed a few curly strands of hair out of Harry's eyes. "Be right back, then."

Harry caught his hand and tipped his head up so he could press a kiss to the inside of Draco's wrist and he felt his eyes well up. It shouldn't be possible to feel this much, shouldn't be possible for a heart to soar and clench at the same time.

He gave Harry's hand a squeeze before releasing him and heading toward the house, taking gasping breaths as he tried to calm down, tried to force the tears and the panic away. Once inside he looked around in the kitchen, water wouldn't mask the taste of the sleeping draught, he needed to find something else.

After a moment, he pulled down the biscuits that they'd baked together the day before, setting a few out on a plate, then pouring a glass of milk that he slipped several drops of the sleeping draught into.

It took him several minutes to work up the nerve, Merlin knew that he'd never been good at being brave; it's what had landed him in the situation in the first place. Squaring his shoulders, he levitated the plate and the glasses of milk, being sure to keep track of which one he'd put the potion into, outside to the beach.

Harry laughed when he saw him, reaching out to pluck the glass of milk closest to him from the air, "You're going to make me fat," Harry said. "And then you won't love me anymore."

Draco shook his head as he sat down next to Harry, leaning over to him to kiss him, "Impossible," he murmured. He cupped Harry's cheek, brushing his thumb over his cheekbone, "There is no possible version of us where I do not fall in love with you."

A pleased grin stretched Harry's mouth wide, "I wouldn't have pegged you as a romantic," he said.

"No?" Draco asked as he picked up one of the cookies.

Harry shook his head, "I would have imagined you having sharp edges still, with practical ways to show your love, not all-" he broke off and gestured to Draco, "soft."

He shrugged one shoulder, "We've had enough sharp, haven't we?" he asked.

"Definitely," Harry agreed, taking a cookie off the plate and dunking it into the milk.

Draco swallowed against the guilt and the desire to just make it all stop.

"These turned out really well," Harry said through a mouthful of cookie. "I can't believe you'd never baked cookies before yesterday."

He smiled, "Lots of firsts here."

The corner of Harry's mouth tipped up and he leaned over to kiss Draco again, soft and sweet. "What should our next first be?" he asked when he pulled back.

"I don't know," Draco replied, watching him dunk his cookie again, the milk soaking it and making a chunk break off and sink to the bottom.

"Drat," Harry said before taking a bite out of the remainder of it. "I've always wanted to take a trip to the states," he said. "And we all know that the Ministry doesn't work well with the one in the states. We probably wouldn't even have to hide."

He hummed, watching as Harry stifled a yawn.

"I want to go to that muggle amusement park," he added.

"Alright," Draco agreed. "We'll go, then."

Harry gave him one of those guileless grins of his before starting to lift the glass of milk to his lips.

"Kiss me," Draco blurted, needing just one more kiss before the end.

The other man obliged him, "Twist my arm," he said with a wink, leaning over and drawing Draco closer, so he could kiss him.

"Sorry," Draco said when they broke apart, "Finish your milk and biscuit."

"Don't be sorry," Harry said, "I will kiss you any time, love. Literally anytime." He drained his glass of milk, making a pleased little hum when he caught the piece of the biscuit he'd lost earlier.

The effects of the potion were immediate, as they always were, Draco watched as Harry's eyes started to droop.

"Merlin," he said through a yawn, "Draco I'm exhausted all of the sudden."

He nodded, "Let's go to bed," he offered, standing up and reaching for Harry's hands.

Harry allowed himself to be tugged to his feet and he stumbled into Draco, his body sinking into him like they'd been made to fit together.

"I've got you," Draco whispered, wrapping his arm around him and holding him for a minute, memorizing the curves of his body and the way they felt pressed together. "Come on," he said after a minute.

"Don't wanna," Harry mumbled against his collarbone. "M'comfortable."

"Bed will be more comfortable," Draco assured him, nudging him toward the house.

"You'll be there, too?"

"Yeah," he whispered, knowing that his heart would live here with the other man, tucked between his ribs next to his own for safe keeping.

He managed to navigate Harry inside and they crawled into bed, Harry curled around him, drawing Harry's back against his chest and holding him.

"Love you," Harry mumbled sleepily.

"I love you too," he managed, throat tight and raw as he clutched Harry tighter and held him impossibly closer. He stayed there for longer than was strictly necessary, Harry's body was lax in his arms, he let out a soft huff snore ever few exhalations, and there wasn't a doubt in Draco's mind that the other man was in a deep sleep.

"Okay," he whispered to himself. "Okay, you've got to get up." He pressed a kiss to the soft skin on the back of Harry's neck and slid out from under him, drawing away. "Don't think about it," he muttered as he made his way out of his room, quietly closing the door.

He went to the island in the kitchen and left a note, the closest thing to a love letter he'd ever written, and laid his wand on top of it.

"Don't think about it," he repeated, opening the cupboard under the sink and digging out the old scrub brush that Granger had sent him. He took a breath and closed his eyes, not giving himself even one more moment to think and talk himself out of it, and activated the portkey.

He was sucked through time and space, and the next thing he knew his feet hit the floor in an unfamiliar living room. The door opened and Granger and Weasley came in a moment later.

"Sorry," Granger said, "We weren't sure when you were coming."

"It's fine," he said, breathing through his nose and trying to fight the tears prickling the back of his eyes.

Granger held out a parchment, "You're sure you know what you're doing?"

He nodded and reached out for the quill set out on the desk.

"Malfoy," she said, pulling the contract back, "Draco," she added, voice soft in a way that made Draco want to cry and scream. "If you sign this you can never appeal the decision the court reached. You will be in prison for the rest of your life."

"I know."

Weasley cleared his throat, "Does Harry know you're here?"

"No," he said, looking up at them. "No, I gave him a sleeping draught. He can't know until it's finalized," he added. "You saw what happened at the trial. He's so-" he shook his head, he couldn't say it, couldn't make himself voice the words. Not to them, not to anyone; they were his, all he had left, and he buried them in his chest where his heart used to be. "He can't know."

"Are you certain?" Granger asked again.

"Give it to me," he snapped. "Just give me the damn contract. I can only be tested so many fucking times and if you think leaving Harry wasn't hard enough, if you think-" He broke off, realizing that he was gasping in ragged breaths and that tears had spilled down his face. He wiped his eyes furiously. "We all know that I am not the pinnacle of valor. Doing what is right when it is difficult has never been my strong suit. So please," he said, "please stop asking me."

"You love him, too," Weasley breathed as though it was some sort of revelation.

He snatched the contract from Granger's hand and signed it before either of them could say anything else. "You said you'd have someone from the ministry ready to take me?" he said, thrusting his chin up in the air and refusing to give in to the urge to break down.

"I'm taking you," she said softly.

He nodded, "let's go, then."

"Is there anything-" Weasley started.

He shook his head and ignored the way a tear slipped down his cheek, "There is only one thing I want and we all know I can't have him."

"Come on, then," Granger said, holding out her elbow.

Just as they apparated Weasley called out, "You're a good person, Draco Malfoy."

"He's right, you know," she said when their feet hit the ground.

Draco shook his head, "I'm not, obviously," he said gesturing to the prison doors they were about to walk through. "Will you do something for me?" he asked.

She nodded, "What do you need?"

"Don't let him do anything stupid," he said.

She laughed, "I've spent my whole life failing at that."

"Tell him it's okay," he pleaded, "It's fine to move on, to live a happy life. Tell him I want that for him." He swallowed around the tears. "Tell him he deserves to be happy more than anyone, that he deserves the best life," he said, an ugly sob escaping.

Before he knew what was happening, Granger wrapped him in her arms and pulled him into an uncomfortably tight hug. "We'll figure this out," she said fiercely.

He pulled back, shaking his head and wiping his face. "Don't. And please don't say that to him."

She searched his face for a long moment and Draco tried to pull himself together. "Right," she said, nodding once and squaring her shoulders, "This way."

He closed his eyes and let the memory of the sound of the waves crashing to shore, of Harry's hand in his, and the warm sun on his face, fill him up one more time before the darkness ahead.

--------------

Part 8 | Part 10

[please-buckme]

Mysterious, Back Alley Man.

Sebastian Stan x fem!reader

Words: 796

Warnings: SMUT! 18+ oral (m! Receiving)

A/n: I was inspired by this beautiful gif. Cred to owner below.

Masterlist

Gif owner: @sebastiansource

It was a normal Tuesday, so you thought, when you saw him; Sitting at the table right in front of yours. He was charming. Medium-length brown hair, styled to protection. His eyes boring into yours from over his date's shoulder. A giggle ignited within you when he flashed you his gorgeous smile.

Your thighs clenched together as the night went on and the man only seemed to have an appetite for you. He drank you in, trailing his eyes down your bust and licking his lips at the thought of nuzzling his head between them. Anytime you giggled or smiled, he swore his heart was going to leap out of his chest.

His date eventually got irritated that he was blatantly ignoring her, so she left. Now, you just had to get rid of your date, easy. Your eyes met with his as you signaled to the back of the restaurant by tilting your head, slightly. The man took the hint, paying his bill and heading towards the back into the alley.

“I’m just gonna go, uh, freshen up. Excuse me.” You walked at a steady pace, hoping the beautiful man hadn’t left.

Once you got to the door, you shoved it open only to have him grab you by the arm and immediately pull you into a kiss. You gasp, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling gently at the back of his styled hair. He groaned at the action and bucked his hips into yours. This made you gasp again.

You couldn’t wait any longer as you started to fiddle with the bottom of his very tight jeans. For some reason you suddenly came to the realization that you were about to blow a man you’d just met, barely. You didn’t even know his name. So, you introduced yourself, while your lips never strayed from his,

“I’m y/n, I’m new to the city and I’ve never done this before.” You huff, pulling his jeans down his hips and sinking to the asphalt.

“I’m- fuck,” he hissed as you freed his throbbing cock from the confines of his underwear. “I’m- Sebastian. I’ve lived here- fuck,” he hissed again as he is now indulge in the warmth of your mouth. “I’ve- I've lived here practically my whole life and I think you look damn beautiful wrapped around my cock, y/n.”

You moaned, gagging slightly around him. He was thick, brushing against every inch of your mouth perfectly. His thickness blocking your airway completely, but you had no complaints. He brought his hand to the back over your head, petting you softly while also fucking your mouth.

He was delicious. He smelled like soap and fresh air. His skin was so smooth, comparable to silk or cashmere. And his taste; mouth watering, literally. He was salty from his precum, yet sweet from his natural musk. You wanted him more than you’d ever wanted another man, which was crazy to you. All you knew of this man was his name, now, and his taste; but you didn’t care about anything else, really.

You never thought you’d blow a guy you just met in a public place, but here you are. Drooling down your chest as he shoves himself deeper into your throat. Crying by reflex, but also from pleasure. The thought of doing this everyday made your walls clench. You rubbed at your clit for relief as he continued to pound into your face, his pubic hairs tickling your nostrils every so often.

“God- your mouth is so good to me, baby.” He praised. “You want me to cum in this pretty mouth.”

You groaned around him as your way of saying yes.

“That’s a good girl.” He praised you one last time before busting inside your swelling throat. You gargled his release, sucking up every last drop, not wanting to miss any of his stick-sweet taste.

Once you milked him for all his worth, you released him with a pop, making him quiver in front of you.

“Damn.” Is all Sebastian kind muster as he leaned into the wall. You laughed, wiping your lips and moving back up to your feet.

Sebastian smiled sleepily at you, wiping your tear stained cheeks with his thumb, “I guess, I should probably get back to my date, now. Shouldn’t I?”

“Looking this fucked out? No, no, no. He had his chance. You’re coming with me.” He protested, leaning in for a kiss then whispering, “And what kind of man would I be if I let you blow me and not return the favor?” He smiles against your neck before biting it gently.

“A pretty selfish one,” You gasp as your legs shook with anticipation for what the night would bring you and this mysterious, back alley man.

Taglist: @haydens-moles @animefangirl425 @valkyrieofthehighfae @aurora-sweet @dinos-lavapit @hoeforcuteguyswithcharmingsmiles @sebbystanlover-vk @youre-a-wallflower-charlie @nebulastarr @meegggoooo @skylerrae-solo @alyssa-skywalker @blondekel77 @gogolucky13 @buckysm3talarm @heavenlyseb @writersbuck @badassbuchanan @buckyownsmylife @buckysdolls @notwithoutbarnes

[latenightdecaf]

Entry 7 - Summer of Vulnerability

part of let the pile of good things grow series - series masterlist

previous entry here

Yoongi x reader

Ft. nonidol!bts (glimpse of ex-boyfriend!namjoon)

Producer!yoongi, roommate!yoongi, soft!yoongi

slow burn romance, friendship, slice of life

series of drabbles/one shots

warnings: alcohol consumption

a/n: okay so here goes y/n remembering his ex!joon also will never get over of in the soop yoongi! can’t wait for the new season. Thank you guys for reading! 🙈

word count: 2,546

Went home from the grocery and some of their wines are on sale so you got carried away and bought 8 bottles and to your surprise, Yoongi’s cooking steak. “oh my God!” You exclaimed as soon as you saw him cooking in the kitchen with paperbag of wines in your arms. Yoongi looked at you with a confused face.

“Did you just read my mind or what??! There’s a sale on the corner deli and…” raising both of your hands as if surrendering, “okay don’t judge me yet but i got a little carried away.”

“A little carried away? You looked like the world’s going to run out of wine tomorrow.”

He smiled on your disclaimer and shaking his head as he paid his attention back to his steak.

“No.” You sighed. “Nothing went my way today, not at all—but i dont want to think about it. I’m psyching myself out of it you see, or better yet i’m drowning myself on these babies.” As you drank your first glass empty. “My eternal companion, the love of my life…”

He turned to your direction, only to see you hugging the bottles of wine that you bought.

He turned to your direction, only to see you hugging the bottles of wine that you bought.

“Come on clear the tables, your babies are not going anywhere.” He declared as he puts down 3 steaks and some aglio olio with honestly way too much garlic because it’s Yoongi.

“I didn’t saw you made pasta also. I am so happy now.” You happily exclaimed as you took a bite of your new favorite steak. “But why the 3 steaks? You hungry?”

He sat in front of you, filling your glass with wine and his too.

“You need food before you chug them all up. I’m not gonna clean up your mess. So you better get it together today. I tell you.” He scolded you.

“Sure sure.” As you immediately devour the pasta he made.

One bottle of wine down. He let you listened to a ‘sketch’ he’s been working on lately. Carefully studying your already flushed face for any reaction. He does this sometimes, ask for your opinion even though you have zero idea about music and producing or anything related to that for that matter.

All he considers is whether you winced at the melody of it, or you nod and eventually smile as it goes. But this time you’re just staring blankly in your wine glass, circling it repeatedly as the sketch ended at exactly 2 mins and 19 secs. And when it ended you looked straight at him.

“This looks like it’s almost done right?” You commented. “Yeah.” As he gulps on his wine, emptying another glass.

“And you wrote the lyrics also?” He nodded.

You looked away and sighed. “It’s too beautiful—Sad and in pain, feels tormented also but beautiful.”

He blinked several times at your words. You’ve heard several of his sketches before and you’d just always say, ‘it sounds good, but Yoongi—i have no idea about music. Zero.’ But he’d let you hear it anyway for couple more times and he’d smile at your ignorant reactions.

This time however, doesn’t seem like a laughing matter. Something about your words got his heart beating faster and he has no idea if its just the amount of alcohol he has consumed by now or just you.

You clinked on his empty glass. And asked, “You want more?” He nodded. And you poured him another. “Remember the girl, I introduced to you before?” You stopped and think for a second and it dawned to you. “Hell yeah, I remember.”

“She’s actually my ex-girlfriend.” He declared.

“Well that I did not expected. The ex part. I can tell though she looks really special.”

“Well, we’re together for a while. But now we’re just co-workers for this debut song of a girl I told you about before. That’s why she was here also the last time, we were looking through old sketches that I have after the meeting. We actually finished that quite early. ”

He never really talked that much about himself. He’s good at talking about work, which for you is already more than enough. You know that despite your living situation, he’s not really obligated to get personal if he doesnt want to. And besides, you also don’t want to. Your end of the rope for sure is scared of any form of vulnerability anyway—so you’re not expecting or demanding that from anybody else.

“So you’re just co-workers now?”

“Yeah, I think so. I really don’t know what I feel.”

“Well, relationships are messy my friend.” Raising your glass of wine as if to cheers and chugging it in one go.

Not sure of what to say next but he looks like he’s in mood to talk but the topic looks too sensitive to even crack a joke so you continued drinking despite the eerie atmosphere.

“If you dont mind me asking, what happened?” Yes, despite your immense effort to hold yourself back. Like any other novel you read, you have this eager feeling to know how it ends. Your mind is literally shouting, ‘But I gots to know!!’

And so you asked. Half fearing for your life for being too nosy and half expecting that you might be up for a good story. Elbows resting on the table, with your chin at the palm of your hand looking eager to hear the story.

“We’ve been together for a while”

“Yeah, you said that already.. and that she’s a song writer. I figured.” Unconsciously saying your thoughts out loud.

“You wanna tell the story instead?” He teasingly reacted in a straight face.

“I didn’t mean to say that out loud… I literally said that in my mind and my mouth just burst it open. They both can’t coordinate that well. I’m sorry. You may continue…sir. Please don’t cut my head off.” You love teasing him.

“You’re drunk.” He was pointing out the obvious by that time, after two bottles of wine.

“Yes she’s a songwriter. They said before thay she’s the words to my melody. Well… before.”

Something about those words just made your heart ache. Frowning in his words you continue to listen.

“We’re together for about 2 years? And then on and off after…. She cheated on me, slept with another producer from another company. I really thought that was the end but after that i still accepted her. I don’t know why.”

“Aigoo you dumbass solider of love. And then??” Continuously frowning in frustration led you to keep on drinking.

He has no plans of actually telling this story tonight, it just poured out. You’re just one of those people that actually listens. He has seen you before, how intensely you focus on a movie or in a book that it bothers you for day. You love hearing stories and your willingness felt like a safe space for his unspoken scars.

“She keeps coming back to me and I keep accepting her. That’s it.”

With a confused look on your face, “I don’t get it.”

“Like you said, relationships are messy.” He’s obviously trying to close the topic already but that’s not going to stop you—you never stop midway of the story. This is not how it ends.

“Messy is one thing, toxic is another. And since when are you a coward? You don’t strike me as one. Really.” ‘Yeah i was.’ Yoongi thought in his head. Words are just literally pouring out of your mouth by now, drowning yet another glass. Yoongi opening your forth bottle.

“Boy, I bought the wrong alcohol tonight, tequila would’ve been perfect.” You declared as he pours you a refill. He laughed at this comment, he kept wondering sometimes how easy it is for you to make him laugh.

“No but all kidding aside… Hard question coming in, Min Yoongi. Do you still love her?” Looking right at his eyes and him staring back at you as he answered. “No, we broke up a month before I moved in here.”

‘That’s quite a while, at least 9 or 10 months now…’ you thought to yourself

“Yeah but having been broken up doesn’t mean that love is gone. It’s not a switch you know.”

“I know. And I wish it was, she’s was a big part of my life I’m not denying that and maybe she always will be. But I’ve changed, she has changed—we’re no longer the same people that we were in the same relationship where I keep questioning my self worth. That’s done now, over. Love took a turn, and it doesn’t look the same anymore. We’re just co-workers now that’s all.”

You like the way he said it. Being no longer the same people that they were. You nodded in his statement not sure what to say next and also feeling a little dizzy.

“I gotta pee.” You suddenly declared and stood up, ran in small steps to the bathroom with Yoongi smiling at you and shaking his head.

And when you got back, he got you a warm water on your favorite mug.

Your thoughts are all over the place when you’re drunk, like you said—your mouth just spills it all out.

“You know what, this is all very brave of you. Being friends with your ex, I can’t imagine.”

“Why? Can’t you?” Staring blankly and holding onto your mug, eyes blinking fast in this question.

“I’m not sure. I’ve never really done it before, I’ll let you know if I can.”

You’ve been staring hard on your mug contemplating on his question. He gently touched your hand that’s been holding your mug and said, “Just drink your water.” And pulled it away as soon as you looked like your soul has comeback to earth.

“Can’t I…?” You repeated the question again, and this time out loud.

Hands underneath your chin and resting your elbows on the table. Yoongi is just staring at you, hands in his cheeks—thumb underneath his chin, not even sure if you can even see him. “I hate your question.” You looked at his eyes this time and said that and he just smiled and when he did, you narrowed your eyes. “I hate your smile too.” And this time, he gave you an even bigger one, those gummy smile. And whenever he smiles at you like that you just can’t help but grin in return.

You chugged the water and showed him your empty mug.

He got up and put the rest of the unopened bottle of wine back to the fridge just to prevent you from opening yet another. With his back facing you, arranging the couple of bottles left unto your fridge.

“Yoongi-ah, I know and I love how we respect each other’s privacy and all but just in case things get too heavy. I’m always here, you know. I mean, I’m really glad about today.”

He looked back at you, hands underneath your chin again and eyelids looking all heavy.

“Same goes for you, I’m always here…” And he turned his back again, “fixing you some food and light bulbs.”

And that statement made you smile. “Indeed, my friend. Indeed.”

He went back to the table and grabbed your wine glass and emptying it for you.

“So you wanna talk about how nothing went right today?” You sighed with your eyes closed.

“Maybe next time, my friend.” You stood up from the dinning table, offered to clean the rest of the dishes but Yoongi insisted that he’d do it instead. So you just nodded and slowly creep back into your room.

“Thanks for today, Yoongi.” You thanked him before you go, peeking behind the wall near the counter and he just smiled at you, cleaning gloves on and started washing the dishes.

Minutes later, you shouted from inside of your room.

“Hey i’ll be in the bathroom for a while. Hope you’re already done using it.”

Yoongi didnt answer. He’s already in his room.

You sat in the tub filled with water that is too hot for anyone else but not for you. Head all dizzy and pounding. It’s 2 am and nothing is more comforting than the silence of it all. Alcohol keeps you awake, more than coffee ever does. The dizziness, the feeling that is drilling in your head, makes it hard for you to sleep. Despite the fact that you always drink. You always drink on an empty stomach though, just so you’re sure you would pass out and not have a hard time sleeping.

But tonight you can’t say no—Yoongi made dinner and as much as you hate how you’re having a hard time now you don’t regret it. The question he said, still lingers. And you know your answer to this, you can’t.

Along with the headache, comes the memories you rarely remember—there are just some special days where somehow the guilt and regret still comes to you in waves, together with conversations you long to let go.

“You can’t be serious?” Joon said, voice cracking with hand on his hair in frustration. “But I am.” With a straight face you answered, “I can’t marry you, Joon. I don’t want to have kids and I know how much you want to have children.” Feeling the desperation in his face and actions, he held your hands close and hugged you. “I love you, I want to marry you. We don’t need to have kids immediately, that’s years away. We don’t have to even worry about that now.” It hurts you to seem him this way, yes both of you may be young—maybe you will change your mind but there’s no guarantee to it. You held onto his shoulder to see his face, tears kept rolling down his face and you keep wiping it off one by one. You’ve thought about this even just a year into the relationship, with all the dad jokes and tiny little shoes he kept in his room. He’s going to be a wonderful dad you thought—maybe not just to your kids because you don’t want one.

The most wonderful man in the world just asked you to marry him a few minutes ago, and now he’s crying on your shoulder in defeat. While you can’t even bring yourself to cry, everything about this just made you numb. You just know you’re doing the right thing. Keeping him by your side with a promise of a future you can’t guarantee is not what love is. You loved him—even much so that you could ever admit.

With the knock on the door, you went back to reality.

“Hey you in there?” His voice echoing at 2 in the morning.

“Yeah, I’ll be here still for a while. You need it?”

“No, it’s okay.” He quietly said, as you heard his footsteps getting farther away.

moodboard sr: x