#I think Daniel should consider a career in politics

[f0point5]

I loved seeing your insight on Charles Lando Lewis and I feel like your description on them is spot on (in my opinion at least) like charles being the nice ferrari guy more likely to follow team orders and yeah with the fuck boy part I get it there’s only so much ppl in monaco but to have girlfriends that we’re all previously friends with each other that’s too much of a coincidence and ouch // on lando yeah I feel like aside his funny moments from his early days w Carlos we don’t see a lot of personality to dissect aside from his speakeasy extrovertedness it’s like saying a lot without revealing anything // Lewis is definitely a tough nut to crack he’s had to handle being discriminated and basically had to keep up the PR face his whole career hard to say anything concrete correctly even though it’s been a long time since his f1 debut // would love to see your opinion on albon, esteban, daniel, or anyone you find interesting enough to write a story about

Idk how close of friends all the girlfriends were, and I know Monaco is a Petri dish so even if they were just casual acquaintances they’d be seeing each other a lot in social settings. However, man can’t be single it seems. He seems to lurch from one girlfriend to the next and that makes me wonder why he can’t be on his own. I know some people are relationship people but he just seems like he is in need of a constant close support system. Which seems to connect with the vibe I get that he is eager to put his trust in people to guide him, which is why he’s the more pliable Ferrari driver. I just get the vibe that he is always looking for someone to depend on in some sense.

I think Lando is just a balanced guy. His family seems stable, his dad seems lovely, grew up in an affluent home, good education etc. and for me that shows in how he’s just a normal 24 year old guy, like I feel like I meet/know guys like Lando. And maybe that’s why he comes across like he has less facets of his personality, like I’m sure he’s got his issues but I think on the whole he’s a pretty sound, normal Brit.

I just…mmm. I don’t want to get hunted by Cult LH lol so I won’t say too much on Lewis. I’ll just say, he reminds me of Cristiano Ronaldo, that they drink their own Kool-aid and it’s the only thing they drink. Also, Lewis’s outfits just BUG me.

I just think Albon is the cutest. He’s one guy I would trust with anything. He has a menagerie of animals and a lovely girlfriend. Honestly his seal of approval is PR63’s redeeming quality lol. I get such good vibes from Alex. Almost too good for F1.

Esteban is one guy I want to like. His face and the way he talks, he just has a likeability to him. But I think he has a chip on his shoulder that is not even so much part of his personality but sometimes it overshadows it. I just feel like he feels there’s always been something in his way and it has never been himself. And I guess that’s kind of a common mentality for drivers because they have to believe they are the best and everything else is wrong before they consider it might be them, but I just feel like Esteban thinks his whole career should have panned out differently and the reason it didn’t is everyone else’s fault. He says things that make me roll my eyes and say “could’ve should’ve would’ve”. I mean, I do believe Esteban has been a victim of politics of the sport (getting dropped for Lance) but at the end of the day his attitude sometimes makes me think he has an axe to grind with all the people he wishes he could be. But on the other hand, I think if you met him out in the world he’d be a peach, because I do think fundamentally he’s a nice guy.

This is contrasting with Pierre, who is on my mind bc of another ask. Pierre does not strike me as a likeable person, at all. Not that he’s not a nice person once you know him, but I just feel like he comes across as a real sourpuss. Probably means well ultimately but he just seems permanently unsettled. Another one I think who has a fragile mentality, probably a bit too hard on himself and expects too much, and when it invariably doesn’t go his way he goes on a warpath. Any guy who thinks Adrian Newey wants to hear his opinions on how to build a car needs to suck an egg. It doesn’t surprise me that he has a very young girlfriend because i think that’s his maturity level.

Disclaimer : I know none of these people this is just what I get from reading/watch them.

[phillipcole]

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert part 2

Colbert: Now, the reason why Nancy Pelosi is not the last name on Phillip's sick list.

PBC: Thank you. My name is Phil and I am here on behalf of Phillip and Cole's Variety Team. Phillip is in a rehabilitation center in California on watch in case his condition worsens in a couple weeks. The rest of the team is hiding in various bunkers near their respective polling places. That's with the exception of Rupert, Phillip's cousin in England. He has been very busy of late trying to explain the eccentricities of American politics to the British public.

I am here to say that former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is not the last name on Phillip's sick list. She is preparing to retire at age 84 after 38 years in the House of representatives and every member of the team hopes she will have a happy retirement...mpppp. Some of us wish she had retired 10 or 20 years ago, but with no ill will. Even though we wish her the best and she is not the last name on Phillip's list, we all do have objections to some things about her.

First of all, Phillip is not a right wing conservative. He has few objections to her political positions. What he objects to is her membership in the San Francisco elites. Phillip considers them a more irritating group than the Boston elites who would never accept him as a member no matter how smart he got because he was never rich enough. She had to join the elites, but she didn't have to go into politics. When people live in an ivory tower and look down on the masses they are doing no harm. When they go into politics and try to mold the masses into their version of what they think they should be...then he objects.

Norbert Adams, the unluckiest man in the world, dislikes Nancy Pelosi because of her great success in life. In fact, he dislikes almost anyone who succeeds at anything more often than she fails.

Cole the Nashville rapper and his cousins Brad and Ford...mpppp...mpppp...dislike Nancy Pelosi because back in 2004 Richard Gephardt, Congressman from Missouri, stepped down from his position as leader of the Democratic Party in the House of Representatives to seek the Democratic Presidential nomination. They were all big fans of Richard Gephardt and of course he fared badly in the primaries. Then Pelosi got his job. The south, basking in the glow of 3 consecutive southern Presidents, needed a Speaker of the House who saw their interests. When the power shifted to California, not to mention Nevada, then New York in the Senate, it was a crusher to the hopes of countless southerners. It's no surprise they flocked to the Republicans, who at least had Kentucky's Mitch McConnell as their leader in the Senate.

Rupert dislikes Nancy Pelosi because she became Speaker of the House, lost the majority, but remained party leader in the House, got the top job back...mpppp...and eventually lost it again. He's afraid someday Liz Truss will get a second chance as Prime Minister.

Finally myself; I object to Nancy Pelosi because she has stayed in Congress far too long. She doesn't need the money. If her husband is that unsatisfactory she can find ways to avoid being with him. A long career in Congress is not statesmanship. It's not patriotism. It's nothing virtuous. In the 1800s the US had true statesmen, people like Henry Clay, Daniel Webster and John C. Calhoun. They didn't get reelected to Congress for 40 years. Every chance they got they took jobs like Secretary of State, Secretary of War and Vice President. Most others stayed in Congress only a few terms. Even Abraham Lincoln quit after one term. She's retiring at last, 10 years too late. Good riddance, and I hope almost every incumbent loses this year.

Colbert: That's all for tonight. See you next week.

[kyejuns]

reaction ; 둘

✎ᝰ┆r : having an idol s/o

✎ᝰ┆fluff ; warnings : none

thank you to the kind soul who helped me out by requesting since i have no ideas 😭😭 I LOVE YOU 😭😭

also these gifs looks more coordinated i think ill start using these instead 🤩

+ i kinda got overboard with baekseung for some reason?? 😨

wish.

i feel like you two would meet via a mutual friend

like a mutual idol friend would introduce the two of you to each other and you'd hit it off and start talking

okay anyways, he would be so proud of you ngl

but as proud as he is he'll be so worried about you because he knows your competitive the industry is

he'll call you or text you during meal times to check up on you to see if you're eating

even if you're dieting he'd make sure you had enough so you won't faint while performing

anyways let's say you have to keep your relationship a secret

it'd absolutely pain him not to be able to hang out in public with you

but at the same time it's for both your career so sacrifices have to be made

so while you have private dates he'd try to lay off anything else he has to do for you and just company you

sigh tbh it would pain him not to wear couple items with you

but once y'all go public 🤩

he'd start wearing all those couple matchy things

and he'd also tweet stuff like ' please support us ' etc.

but overall i do think that he'd prefer getting a girlfriend that isn't a celebrity

keum.

keumdong 🤩

i feel like y'all would meet at like a dance sort of content (like dancing high or 1million dance studio)

so like if you're a singer uhh 😨

like i see him with an idol that's like a main dancer

someone who shares the same passion and interest as him

anyways keumdong

i feel like he'd know all your schedules and would text you after just to ask how it went

he would also send you many dance videos and you would do the same

you two would just help each other even if you're not face to face

tbh he wouldn't mind and would wear subtle matching items like earrings

like he wouldn't care at all 💀

anyways if you're dating in secret

he'd definitely try his best to keep the relationship but like compared to wish he would have his dates outside during night time where there isn't as many people

once your relationship goes public

he'd just bring you anywhere and he'd stop caring tbh

even if you're idols you deserve your own life

so he'd just stop caring and go out with you

he'd be super protective of you when someone says something about your relationship

sigh he's just be more protective about you if you're an idol

but overall he'd definitely prefer a non-celeb s/o

mu.

omg tbh i don't see mu with an idol s/o?

like i really don't see it

but okay let's imagine

i think you'd two be friends prior to debut

so you'd like kinda be known to be friends (like moonbin and sinb)

so like tbh fans who kinda speculate some shit is going on but you'll just play it off as you're just close friends 🤩

anyways he would watch your performance,, like literally every single one even if he's busy

and he'd compliment you on how pretty you were and how well you've done

and he'd tell you to rest and not to overwork yourself 😭

he would also promote your new song on his solo vlives and tbh it'd be so cute

anyways i think the both of you would have many chances to interact

like variety shows 🤩

and he'd be extra caring towards you but you know say it's because of your friendship 🤩

anyways you'd just date privately but like it's just so out there but people just brush it off as best friends 💀

once it's public i think many people will support it since you were previous friends even before debut

kinda expected

but anyways he can finally show more skinship towards you and talk about how much he loves you openly 🤩

but overall still would prefer a non-celeb s/o

a-min.

i heard some idols uses like the inkigayo sandwich to exchange phone numbers

yes i think he'll stuff his phone number in there and get a staff to hand it to you just because you were pretty 🤩

and tbh it'd be smart because it'll attract your attention and you'll begin to start talking and end up as a couple

anyways man's would promote you better than your company

he'd be like ' the song im currently obsessed with is (...) you should check it out! '

it'll be so subtle no one suspected a thing

and ngl he'll probably have a fan acc for you 💀

and he'll probably end up being known as your fanboy after 💀

he'll compliment you a lot public or not 🤩

anyways despite doing so much and hinting so much your relationship would still be private

like fans would be pretty sus of the both of you but it's your lives not theirs 🤩

anyways once you go public i think you would go on variety shows together quite often

it'd be cute

ngl i do see him with an idol s/o like compared to a non-celeb

since he can relate to them and stuff and just talk about their stresses together 🤩

baekseung.

i think you'd be going to the same school, in the same class and that's how met

maybe you've already debuted when you met or maybe you're just trainees then but idk man whatever it is y'all would be friends

and then yes relationship

anyways mans would be so proud of you and always bragging about you to the other members

the other members would end up being so sick of hearing him brag about you and tell you about it just so you could reprimand him and have it keep it on the low 💀

he would keep up with your variety show and especially aegyos so he can tease you about it 💀

just do the same to him so he would stop doing it once he realizes how shitty that feels

anyways like i said in the boyfriend series y'all would gossip together and it will be the same

except you have a lot more to gossip about 🤩

you'll talk about the entertainment industry, idols and your companies etc.

i would think that he would prefer to keep your relationship private and intimate so he'd prefer not to publicize it + do his best to keep the relationship a secret

even if it's made public, he'd act as if he doesn't know you during events that will make some fans think that you're having a fight but in reality you're doing well

he just prefers to do all the couple things in private you know

but like i think he'd prefer a non-celeb s/o too

ayden.

i have a feeling that if ayden was to fall for an idol, it would be an idol from his own company aka c9

like you'd probably meet when you guys were still trainees and have probably trained with each other before debut

and like so you'd become friends and eventually develop feelings for each other and you know date

to be honest i feel like as an idol he'd be a lot more low-key in front of everyone even his own members

to the point that sometimes they're wondering if you guys have broken up but no he was just low-key

he'd just quietly sit before he has to perform watching your performance as a source of motivation which is kinda cute💀

like he would work harder because of you and like there'll be a friendly competition between the two of you just to see who's better

since your relationship is so low-key no one would know about your relationship except for members 🤩

tbh the only time they'd find out would be when you personally decide to announce it yourself

like it'd be as unexpected as the daniel × jihyo pairing

overall i feel like he wouldn't mind if his s/o is an idol or not, as long as they have a mutual liking and understanding then it's fine

yewang.

i think you guys would meet by like a singing programme

like a duet special stage 🤩

anyways he would be extremely polite when you first met and you'd take a liking towards him

then you'd end up hanging out outside of your schedule and eventually end up dating

anyways he would stare at you a lot during like programmes where you meet each other

like he wouldn't care and just stare at you 🤩

during like award shows he'll text you and be like ' you look beautiful today '

tbh he would stare at you do much that fans would start to speculate something is going on between the both of you

like he wants to talk to you so bad but the fans just makes it hard

so he ends up publicizing your relationship to go out freely with you 🤩

but to be honest he would prefer an idol s/o

since he'd prefer sharing the same passion + having more common topics to talk about

jeff.

FINALLY JEFFF

alright to be honest he's another one i don't see having an idol s/o💀

like you two were probably friends before you were trainees and ended up debuting

and like somewhere in between you fell for each other and got into a romantic relationship

kinda like mu except you keep your friendship low-key so not many people knew you two were friends

till like past photos resurfaced

anyways i think he'd just be extra caring knowing that you're an idol

since there are many risk factors of being an idol

like wish tbh he'd text you a lot checking if you've eaten and if you're feeling okay in case you overwork yourself

and he'll restrain himself from looking at you too much just in case dating rumors end up surfacing

after all your career is more important considering how hard you've worked to be an idol

he'd only publicize it once dispatch catch you guys

but i doubt that'll happen💀

anyways he would have a personal vlive after telling fans to continue supporting the both of you despite the news

overall, he'd prefer a non-celeb s/o

wow this reaction took long to complete HAHAH

[galcake534]

I don’t hate Cully Barnaby, but I hate it when she is involved. There’s a 80% chance in every episode that she either knows the victim or the murderer and seems to have some informative stories about them while despite bringing Barnaby down when he cancels on her because someone’s literally just been murdered.

The information she gives her Dad only has a 45% chance of being genuine because it’s always from gossip.

I used to ship Cully and Troy together, but the more she’s in an episode and interacts with him (Scott or Jones.) or Barnaby, the more it’s Troy being head-over-heels and Cully being aware and still playing with his feelings while putting her Dad’s career down and making jibes about his dedication during an investigation which says a lot. Or she makes her disdain and hostility known not that anyone was eager for her opinion. And even though Barnaby looks unfazed, he probably hurts everytime, if Cully did that to Troy; chances are he’d get snarky in self-defence or he would genuinely feel guilt and try an unhealthy amount to keep her satisfied while despite doing nothing wrong, hoping to make it up to her because as much as Troy acts as though he doesn’t care for being the bad guy mostly when he speaks his mind at the wrong time, you can tell he cares deeply for Cully’s opinion more than he should. Or Barnaby probably would’ve listened to an annoyed Cully and sided with her while Joyce would name him a hypocrite.

In my opinion, Cully has made her dislike of Barnaby’s job as a DCI and she hates when he so much as brings it up or when he is involuntarily called away and guilt-tripping him about it, but she and Joyce despite their constant remarks feel entitled to drop information or ask and talk openly about an ongoing investigation case or making comments that they claim would’ve been helpful a few weeks before after they’ve just finished the case over breakfast while if he mentions it there’s the opposite outcome?

You can even tell by the books and scenes onscreen that Tom Barnaby is a devoted Father. He talks about reading to Cully as a child, he even stands with Troy or Jones and reminisces about Cully’s childhood. But Cully seems to complain more and makes it out that he was never around because of his job, Joyce likewise but she remains more neutral and understanding.

Some episodes you’d think would opt Cully into at least thinking about her privilege of having a loving Father. In “The Blood Will Out,” The episode where Hector Bridges is killed by his Stepdaughter and Barnaby uncovers that he was abusive towards her after the entire family cover it up while planning her escape, Barnaby was empathetic and sat in the interview room talking about all the things he himself would’ve done for Cully and that he also would’ve done the same thing while ensuring Fleur that he was going to do everything in his power to get her either an easy sentence or off the hook. You’d think Cully would give him a break because she ended up with one of the most decent Dad’s of Midsomer while a few she went to school with or those who are just living somewhere in Midsomer are spending life in prison because their parents were either abusive or something provoked them into it.

But my biggest pet peeve with Cully was how she didn’t even use her ability to prevent Barnaby from being a dick towards Scott when he arrived in season 7 despite in the little time he’s been there and how hostile his boss (her Dad.) is, he still ends up saving her life, he’s there for less than a week two people have been murdered, he’s had to learn his way around a place he’s never been because he was making sure his superior’s daughter was safe because Joyce was in full panic mode and Barnaby had to be at the scene of the crime.

And when Scott saw Cully was in trouble, he jumped into a lake and made sure she was okay and drove her home, again, he made sure she was alright.

She didn’t even mention it to her Dad who constantly belittled Scott in front of her, or complained about Scott’s attitude because he was late on his first day and isn’t used to the countryside because he has been switched from London after all- I’m sure if he found that Scott unlike Troy (The Previous “the Green Man” before discovering the murderer, he let Cully go with Daniel Webster despite him being present at his Mother’s murder.) saved Cully’s life while he knew he easily could have been taken down by the four people who could’ve (god knows what they were doing if they intended to drown her.) overpowered him or fought him and ambushed him.

Cully didn’t even say “Dad he saved my life and he didn’t have to do that.”

Or she could’ve at least mentioned it and let Scott’s actions speak louder to Barnaby instead of his first impression that Barnaby let linger far too long and held it against him unfairly.

It only seems when Cully receives some gratification out of being an informer that she’ll speak up and sure Scott wasn’t fazed by that nor did he hold it against her, he didn’t even expect her to tell anyone maybe even asked her to keep quiet about it, but considering he went on a complete goose chase for her, she should’ve used the ability that she definitely had to at least return a favour and at least make his new life slightly if at all (that he certainly isn’t used to.) easier and educate her Dad in Scott’s heroic action without being like Troy who probably would’ve expected a kiss on the cheek and a glass on wine (jokingly because he’s nervous of course, but he would’ve most likely made some unintentionally stupidly politically incorrect remark where he acts as though he expects acknowledgement and Cully takes it for his ego and she actually thinks he’s serious.) while reminding him that Scott IS from the Metropolitan Police in London and of course is going to be different in methods, but it just annoys me that she didn’t say anything, nor did she even so much as validate him; the toast at the end of the restaraunt “to absent friends.” felt like yet another jibe and comparison that DS Scott isn’t Troy, or Cully deliberately made that into guilt-tripping her Dad about missing Troy as in “he’s gone Dad, stop talking about him.”

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, I’m expecting Cully will Midsomer Murder me after this.

[theculturedmarxist]

The University of North Carolina has rescinded its offer of a tenured journalism professor position to the author of the New York Times '1619 Project' after an intense backlash.

Instead, UNC officials confirmed this week that Nikole Hannah-Jones, who won the Pulitzer Prize for the 2019 series which 'reframed' American history to focus on when the first Africans arrived to Virginia as slaves, will join its faculty this summer with a five-year contract.

That means one of the New York Times's most vaunted reporters who the newspaper has doggedly stood by even as the project has come under withering criticism by historians for its inaccuracies didn't qualify for a permanent appointment.

The university's Hussman School of Journalism and Media had announced late last month that Hannah-Jones had been tapped for its Knight Chair in Race and Investigative Journalism, a tenured professorship. 

The news was swiftly condemned by conservative political groups with links to the UNC Board of Governors which oversees the state university's 16-campus system, according to NC Policy Watch.

Among the loudest critics was the The James G. Martin Center for Academic Renewal, which argued that Hannah-Jones is unqualified for the position because her 1619 Project was 'unfactual and biased'.

The conservative watchdog group said her hiring signaled 'a degradation of journalistic standards, which should deter any serious student from applying to the journalism school'.

The 1619 Project proved a cultural lightening rod, drawing criticism from some historians who said it was a cynical view of American history - and also contained inaccuracies and generalizations.

The backlash over Hannah-Jones' hiring proved fierce enough to cause UNC to dramatically reduce its offer to a mere five-year contract - with the possibility of tenure after that but no guarantee.

A member of the Board of Trustees at UNC's main Chapel Hill campus explained the decision to NC Policy Watch, saying that it all came down to politics.

'This is a very political thing,' said the trustee, who asked to remain anonymous. 'The university and the Board of Trustees and the Board of Governors and the Legislature have all been getting pressure since this thing was first announced last month.

'There have been people writing letters and making calls, for and against. But I will leave it to you which is carrying more weight.'

'It's maybe not a solution that is going to please everyone. Maybe it won't please anyone. But if this was going to happen, this was the way to get it done.' 

Susan King, the dean of UNC Hussman, called the decision 'disappointing'.

'It's not what we wanted and I am afraid it will have a chilling effect,' King said, according to NC Policy Watch.  

Daniel Kreiss, an associate professor at Hussman, also condemned the controversy over Hannah-Jones' hiring.

'Obviously, they knew the hiring could be controversial,' he said. 'But I think it's all quite silly to be honest.

'Nikole Hannah-Jones is one of the most prominent journalists in the United States, frankly in the world, today and [is] doing exactly the kind of work that is necessary to help the US come to terms with its racial history.

'She's an alum we're frankly quite proud of and should be. We've had her in to give numerous talks over the years. Like her work, they've been rigorous, historical, investigative, and it makes a strong and forceful argument for coming to a full understanding of the US's history to move forward from there.'

Hannah-Jones has not publicly commented on the news that she will no longer be eligible for tenure.  

In a statement on April 27, Hannah-Jones said her UNC courses would teach how to write stories that are 'truly reflective of our multiracial nation.'

It's sort of a homecoming for Hannah-Jones, who is a MacArthur Fellowship Genius Grant recipient. She got a master's degree from Hussman in 2003.  

'This is a full-circle moment for me as I return to the place that launched my career to help launch the careers of other aspiring journalists,' she tweeted on Monday. 'I'm so excited to continue mentoring students from the classroom and for all I will learn from them.'

She said she'd still be at the New York Times where she wrote the 1619 Project, which was published in 2019 as a collection of essays, photo essays, poems and short fiction stories.

She joined the New York Times in 2015 after working at ProPublica, the Oregonian, the Raleigh News & Observer and the Chapel Hill News, according to a release from the school.

Teaching at UNC is a sort of homecoming for Hannah-Jones, who graduated from Hussman in 2013.  

Hannah-Jones became a household name in journalism with the 1619 Project - which was slammed by former President Donald Trump as 'totally discredited' and part of the 'twisted web of lies' that has caught fire in American universities that teach American is a 'wicked and racist nation.'

Trump formed a '1776 Commission' in response to teach 'patriotism.' It released a report this year before being ended by President Joe Biden.

The series 'reframed' American history to have it start in 1619, when the first slaves from Africa arrived to Virginia, instead of 1776, when the founding fathers declared independence from Britain.

In her essay, Hannah-Jones wrote that slaves laid the foundations of the US Capitol and built founding fathers' plantations. She said the 'relentless buying, selling, insuring and financing of their bodies' made Wall Street and New York City the financial capital of the world.

'Before the abolishment of the international slave trade, 400,000 enslaved Africans would be sold into America. Those individuals and their descendants transformed the lands to which they'd been brought into some of the most successful colonies in the British Empire,' Hannah-Jones wrote.

'But it would be historically inaccurate to reduce the contributions of black people to the vast material wealth created by our bondage,' she said. 'Black Americans have also been, and continue to be, foundational to the idea of American freedom. More than any other group in this country's history, we have served, generation after generation, in an overlooked but vital role: It is we who have been the perfecters of this democracy.'

The project heralded by some and criticized by others, including a number of historians and Trump, who adamantly opposed the idea that it should be taught in classrooms.

Princeton historian Sean Wilentz criticized the '1619 Project', and some of Hannah-Jones's other work, in a letter sent to top Times editors and the publisher, The Atlantic reported in December 2019.

The letter, which was signed by other scholars James McPherson, Gordon Wood, Victoria Bynum, and James Oakes refers to 'matters of verifiable fact' that 'cannot be described as interpretation or "framing''' and says the project reflected 'a displacement of historical understanding by ideology,' The Atlantic reported.

Wilentz and the other signatories demanded corrections.

Trump called it 'revisionist history' and threatened to withhold federal funding from public schools that used it.  

Republican lawmakers in a handful of states, including Iowa and Missouri, are continuing his fight to ban it from schools.

Bills were introduced in those state legislatures that would punish school districts that use the '1619 Project' by cutting federal funding.  

A major critic of the project has been The Heritage Foundation, which says it 'has been tireless in its efforts to debunk the radical and anti-American positions taken by The New York Times and the '1619 Project.'

One of The Heritage Foundation's articles pointed out post-publication edits that the Times made, including changing a in Hannah-Jones' leading article in the series to say that 'some of' the colonists fought the American Revolution to defend slavery.

'The editors called this a 'small' clarification, and it was indeed very small, although considering that the 1619 Project's full-throated commitment to demonstrating that American history can only be explained through the lens of slavery, this correction appears nothing short of essential,' Heritage policy expert Jonathan Butcher, a senior policy analyst for Heritage's Center for Education Policy, wrote.

One of the project's supporters, Seth Rockman, an associate professor of history at Brown University, wrote in an op-ed for the Washington Post that the project 'is a testament to patriotism, not a repudiation.'

Rockman wrote that history is 'an ongoing conversation in which trained professionals and multiple publics wrestle with the meaning of the past' and disagreement is desirable 'as it shows us that something important is at stake.'

He said there are warranted criticisms that 'we should spend our time debating,' for example the project was 'insufficiently attentive' about how the Native Americans lost their land.  

Trump suggested, however, that the project's teachings were dangerous.

'Critical race theory, the 1619 project, and the crusade against American history is toxic propaganda, ideological poison that if not removed will dissolve the civic bonds that tie us together,' he said, according to the Atlantic. 'It will destroy our country.'

Hannah-Jones, meanwhile, said on Twitter that 'history, in general, is contested.'

'The project unsettled many. I think that is good.'  

[mulanxiaojie]

“Mulan” inadvertently reveals why it’s so difficult to create multicultural content with global appeal in 2020. It highlights the vast disconnect between Asian Americans in Hollywood and Chinese nationals in China, as well as the extent to which Hollywood fails to acknowledge the difference between their aesthetics, tastes and politics. It also underscores the limits of the American conversation on representation in a global world.

In conversations with several Asian-American creatives, Variety found that many feel caught between fighting against underrepresentation in Hollywood and being accidentally complicit in China’s authoritarian politics, with no easy answers for how to deal with the moral questions “Mulan” poses.

“When do we care about representation versus fundamental civil rights? This is not a simple question,” says Bing Chen, co-founder of Gold House, a collective that mobilizes the Asian American community to help diverse films, including “Mulan,” achieve opening weekend box office success via its #GoldOpen movement. “An impossible duality faces us. We absolutely acknowledge the terrible and unacceptable nature of what’s going on over there [in China] politically, but we also understand what’s at stake on the industry side.”

The film leaves the Asian American community at “the intersection of choosing between surface-level representation — faces that look like ours — versus values and other cultural nuances that don’t reflect ours,” says Lulu Wang, director of “The Farewell.”

In a business in which past box office success determines what future projects are bankrolled, those with their eyes squarely on the prize of increasing opportunities for Asian Americans say they feel a responsibility to support “Mulan” no matter what. That support is often very personal amid the industry’s close-knit community of Asian Americans, where people don’t want to tear down the hard work of peers and friends.

“‘Mulan’ is actually the first film where the Asian American community is really split,” says sociologist Nancy Wang Yuen, who examines racism in Hollywood. “For people who are more global and consume more global news, maybe they’re thinking, ‘We shouldn’t sell our soul in order to get affirmation from Hollywood.’ But we have this scarcity mentality.

“I felt like I couldn’t completely lambast ‘Mulan’ because I personally felt solidarity with the Asian American actors,” Yuen continues. “I wanted to see them do well. But at what cost?”

This scarcity mentality is particularly acute for Asian American actors, who find roles few and far between. Lulu Wang notes that many “have built their career on a film like ‘Mulan’ and other crossovers, because they might not speak the native language — Japanese, Chinese, Korean or Hindi — to actually do a role overseas, but there’s no role being written for them in America.”

Certainly, the actors in “Mulan,” who have seen major career breakthroughs tainted by the film’s political backlash, feel this acutely. “You have to understand the tough position that we are in here as the cast, and that Disney is in too,” says actor Chen Tang, who plays Mulan’s army buddy Yao.

There’s not much he can do except keep trying to nail the roles he lands in hopes of paving the way for others. “The more I can do great work, the more likely there’s going to be somebody like me [for kids to look at and say], ‘Maybe someday that could be me.’”

Part of the problem is that what’s happening in China feels very distant to Americans. “The Chinese-speaking market is impenetrable to people in the West; they don’t know what’s going on or what those people are saying,” says Daniel York Loh of British East Asians and South East Asians in Theatre and Screen (BEATS), a U.K. nonprofit seeking greater on-screen Asian representation.

Some of the disconnect is understandable: With information overload at home, it’s hard to muster the energy to care about faraway problems. But part of it is a broader failure to grasp the real lack of overlap between issues that matter to the mainland’s majority Han Chinese versus minority Chinese Americans. They may look similar, but they have been shaped in diametrically different political and social contexts.

“China’s nationalist pride is very different from the Asian American pride, which is one of overcoming racism and inequality. It’s hard for Chinese to relate to that,” Yuen says.

Beijing-born Wang points out she often has more in common with first-generation Muslim Americans, Jamaican Americans or other immigrants than with Chinese nationals who’ve always lived in China and never left.

If the “Mulan” debacle has taught us anything, in a world where we’re still too quick to equate “American” with “white,” it’s that “we definitely have to separate out the Asian American perspective from the Asian one,” says Wang. “We have to separate race, nationality and culture. We have to talk about these things separately. True representation is about capturing specificities.”

She ran up against the industry’s inability to make these distinctions while creating “The Farewell.” Americans felt it was a Chinese film because of its subtitles, Chinese cast and location, while Chinese producers considered it an American film because it wasn’t fully Chinese. The endeavor to simply tell a personal family story became a “political fight to claim a space that doesn’t yet exist.”

In the search for authentic storytelling, “the key is to lean into the in-betweenness,” she said. “More and more, people won’t fit into these neat boxes, so in-betweenness is exactly what we need.”

However, it may prove harder for Chinese Americans to carve out a space for their “in-betweenness” than for other minority groups, given China’s growing economic clout.

Notes author and writer-producer Charles Yu, whose latest novel about Asian representation in Hollywood, “Interior Chinatown,” is a National Book Award finalist, “As Asian Americans continue on what I feel is a little bit of an island over here, the world is changing over in Asia; in some ways the center of gravity is shifting over there and away from here, economically and culturally.”

With the Chinese film market set to surpass the US as the world’s largest this year, the question thus arises: “Will the cumulative impact of Asian American audiences be such a small drop in the bucket compared to the China market that it’ll just be overwhelmed, in terms of what gets made or financed?”

As with “Mulan,” more parochial, American conversations on race will inevitably run up against other global issues as U.S. studios continue to target China. Some say Asian American creators should be prepared to meet the challenge by broadening their outlook.

“Most people in this industry think, ‘I’d love for there to be Hollywood-China co-productions if it meant a job for me. I believe in free speech, and censorship is terrible, but it’s not my battle. I just want to get my pilot sold,’” says actor-producer Brian Yang (“Hawaii Five-0,” “Linsanity”), who’s worked for more than a decade between the two countries. “But the world’s getting smaller. Streamers make shows for the world now. For anyone that works in this business, it would behoove them to study and understand the challenges that are happening in and [among] other countries.”

Gold House’s Chen agrees. “We need to speak even more thoughtfully and try to understand how the world does not function as it does in our zip code,” he says. “We still have so much soft power coming from the U.S. What we say matters. This is not the problem and burden any of us as Asian Americans asked for, but this is on us, unfortunately. We just have to fight harder. And every step we take, we’re going to be right and we’re going to be wrong.”

[jyleshay]

June 2021 - All the King's Men

This month I reached back into the library for a book that was written in 1946, All the King's Men - by Robert Penn Warren. The story follows a cynical journalist/press agent in the deep South and how his life intersects with a rising politician, the character of which is inspired by real life figure, Huey Long.

I did a bit of reading on the life of Huey Long after finishing the book; he was a fascinating character. The governor of Louisiana and later a United States senator, he actually embodied the term "radical, left-wing Democrat" that is so cheaply thrown about today. He was a populist and radically progressive for his time; he rose to national fame as a vocal critic of FDR's New Deal because it didn't go far enough to provide help to people. Seriously, watch this video of one of his speeches and judge for yourself.

He is also referenced by historians as the closest thing the United States of America has ever had to a dictator, consolidating power in the state government through patronage, bribery, and intimidation while claiming that the establishment was corrupt and the newspapers were liars. Despite the accusations of corruption and even impeachment, his demagoguery was extremely successful with the working class and he maintained an intense, fervent popularity with them. His power and control allowed him to be very effective at creating real change in his state: expanding social programs, funding infrastructure, creating jobs, and improving education significantly. Long had his sights set on the White House when his career and life were cut short by assassination.

Long's policies changed Louisiana forever but he was also essentially running a fascist dictatorship. The question to consider behind Huey Long's political career is "Do the ends justify the means?" I think that should be the question also for debate around abolishing the filibuster. Do we eliminate one of the guardrails of our democracy to allow us to create real, positive change? If the opposition is obstructionist and corrupt, does that mean there is a moral imperative to change the rules of the game because they're already breaking the game for everyone?

I would submit that it is not. I don't believe you can claim the other side is going to break the system and use that claim as justification for breaking the system, and deciding it should only be done when you would then hold the power. It goes against the principal of institutional forbearance that is required for a democracy to function (discussed in How Democracies Die - by Steven Levitsky & Daniel Ziblatt). One of the themes of All the King's Men is that actions have a web of consequences that ripples out to affect an unknown number of people. Abolishing the filibuster in the Senate will eliminate any need for consensus or compromise in the current two-party system. A simple majority would allow the party in power to continue to change the system in their favor, to maintain their power through perfectly legitimate, one-party legislation. I don't know what the ripple effect of consequences would be from there, but I think Huey Long would've been in favor of it.

Favorite movie - Bo Burnham: Inside

Favorite series - Loki. Tom Hiddleston and Owen Wilson, enough said.

Favorite podcast - Fate of Fact - by Jon Meacham. A historian's analysis of the current political climate of misinformation.

Honorable Mentions:

Wargasm feat. RMR - by Billy Strings

My Greatest Tool Against Vaccine Misinformation - by Vlogbrothers on YouTube

Wow, 1st half of 2021 is done, good luck in part 2!

[wrestlingisfake]

I watched the Dark Side of the Ring documentary on Chris Benoit so I thought I’d add some details they didn’t get into.

The double murder-suicide happened to occur while WWE was building up a storyline where Vince McMahon had “died” in an exploding limousine.  The June 25, 2007, edition of Raw was scheduled as a 3-hour special (Raw was usually a 2-hour show then) featuring a public “funeral” for Vince, with plot twists meant to lead into a conflict over his will and a secret heir.  (This was later re-worked into the “Vince has an illegitimate son” storyline.)  Obviously plans changed. 

It still would have been possible to do a show similar to the Eddie Guerrero tribute, with fans in attendance, the whole roster doing a ten-bell salute, and feel-good matches without storylines.  WWE had a grim talent for doing that sort of thing on short notice.  The fact it was an empty arena, with a handful of people throwing to clips and pre-taped comments, was unusual.  I’ve always wondered if Vince mentally gave up on the show, simply because the signature storyline of the year--hours away from a major story beat--was suddenly unsalvageable.

Once it became clear that Chris had killed Nancy and Daniel, WWE took heat from the media for doing the tribute show.  I think the public felt WWE should have either known more about the case before the show started, or limited discussion of the topic until more information became available.  To a non-fan at the time, it probably seemed feasible to run a tasteful “in memorium” graphic and run a normal show, and save the full-throated tribute for later.  That would have been unthinkable inside the WWE bubble, though--fans would have been offended by anything less than the prompt tributes Owen Hart and Eddie Guerrero received.  Also, as noted, a “normal show” would have been the scheduled funeral for Vince, which was obviously a no-go.

I’ve heard that the news started to report the possibility of homicide that night, during the show.  I wouldn’t know, because I heard the news when I got home from work and got sucked into memorializing Chris, just like WWE.  I was certain the family must have been killed by a gas leak or something.  “Weird Al” Yankovic’s parents had died from carbon monoxide poisoning in 2004, so that kind of thing was fresh on people’s minds.  I can totally believe the WWE crew didn’t consider the possibility of foul play, because I didn’t seriously consider it until the following day, when the police officially ruled it a double murder-suicide.

I think the decision to “erase” Benoit can be traced to the frustration Vince probably felt when he had to address the situation all over again on the June 26 ECW show.  Vince loathes being put on the spot over things he believes are not his fault and beyond his control.  I’m not saying he was totally heartless about the tragedy.  But in his mind it’s wrong that thing like that should force him to scrap his storylines in favor of a tribute show, or that he should have to apologize for doing the tribute show he didn’t really want to do in the first place.  He wanted to get past this, once and for all, and formally striking Benoit’s name from the record let him feel control over the situation.

It’s worth noting that the “censoring” of Benoit has not affected his appearances on countless hours of WWE Network footage, or his name appearing in various title histories.  It’s also worth considering that, even if WWE personnel were “allowed” to talk about him, they’d likely have nothing to say at this point.  It’s fairly unusual for WWE to extensively reference anything 13 years after the fact.  They’re free and clear to talk about Eddie, but they don’t bring him up much either, except to say he’s dead and he did a frog splash.

I’m not sure the documentary adequately explained the issues with unprotected chairshots, or the danger of the flying headbutt, especially for non-fans who know pro wrestling is fake but don’t understand how it works.  Many pro wrestling spots are only “safe” in the sense that the wrestler can take the full impact but still get up and pretend to fight.  If a guy could hit his head on something and keep going, the business had no need to figure out a way to make it safer or easier.  Eventually the mentality was that if you couldn’t take that punishment, you were weak and the damage would either toughen you up or force you to quit.  Of course, this changed a lot after 2007.

So did the Wellness Policy.  Today’s fans may be bewildered that Chris Benoit could pass a drug test with so much testosterone in his system at the time of his death.  The missing piece of the puzzle is that the policy was only introduced to combat the bad PR over Eddie, and was not seriously enforced until the Benoit story exposed it as a joke.  Basically, after Eddie WWE wanted to look like they were preventing another tragedy, and after Benoit WWE realized that it was in their best interests to actually prevent another tragedy.

I was surprised the documentary touched on Nancy Benoit’s history with Kevin Sullivan, without mentioning the fringe theory that Sullivan was the “real” murderer.  At the time, Sullivan was perceived as holding back Chris’s career in WCW, and it was easy to cast Chris as the good guy who overcame adversity and Sullivan as a jealous, bitter has-been.  People who wanted to find some other villain in the Benoit murders found it easy to turn to Sullivan, and his silly 1980s Satanic heel gimmick added fuel to the fire.  The idea that Sullivan could outwit the Fayette County Sheriff's Department but somehow fail to account for the sleuthing skills of pro wrestling fans is, as ever, preposterous.

The documentary was a little vague on the “glass ceiling” politics in the 1990s.  The key is that the WWF tended to want to make stars out of bigger guys (6 feet and up, 250 pounds and up), and WCW tended to want to make stars out of guys that had been stars in the WWF.  Benoit and his closest friends were generally viewed as solid technicians but too bland and/or small to be at the tippy-toppy level.  They got a boost from the hype about them jumping from WCW to WWF.  But once the Monday Night Wars were over and WWE was the only game in town, guys like Benoit and Eddie Guerrero were kept at a certain level, while a new generation of big muscly guys (e.g., John Cena, Batista) kinda leapfrogged over them.  That’s not to say Chris and Eddie didn’t have their big moments in the sun, but there was always a higher level just out of reach for them.

That political context likely affects how fans feel about the Benoit case.  To this day there are fans who act as if the primary injustice is that WWE won’t acknowledge Chris’s existence.  For years, being a Chris Benoit fan meant arguing that he was underrated and overlooked by the capricious powers that be, and I think some fans reflexively view his legacy as an extension of that struggle.  They want everyone to admit that Chris was, despite the murders, an excellent pro wrestler, as if anyone ever disputed that.  They want Chris to be inducted in the Hall of Fame so WWE will play his entrance music and give him his due, without confronting Chris’s role in preventing that from happening.  They wish Chris had gone out like Eddie, because Eddie’s tragedy was at least a clean and pure expression of grief and veneration.  Chris Benoit denied us that expression, but it’s easier to blame someone else.

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 143

Chapter Summary - Danielle and Tom go to Black Panther on the opening weekend and get into a discussion regarding the characters before discussing a work email Danielle got during the film, which leads, once more to them discussion them as a couple.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

Copyright for the photo is the owners, not mine. All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1 @black-ninja-blade

Tom looked at Danielle curiously. ‘So T’challa is not your favourite?’

‘Fuck no, he’s irritating. He’s not thinking of what is best for Wakanda, he is thinking of what is best to have Nakia pay attention to him.’

‘I suppose you support Killmonger too while we’re at it?’ he chuckled.

‘Yes.’ That caused him to pause. ‘Not killing anyone not the same skin colour, that goes without saying, but Wakanda did nothing while the world was in turmoil. The Rwandan genocide, Nazi Germany, the slave trade in the US, they sat on their butts with their advanced civilisation thanks to the happenstance of Vibranium landing there and did nothing to assist others, being an insular is seldom seen as a good thing. Killmonger grew up in injustice, he was raised, educated to the wrongs to African peoples and he wants vengeance on his family for killing his father and I cannot fault him that particular reasoning. I just don’t agree with killing others who do not disagree with him, but are simply a different skin colour to him, that’s just wrong.’

‘You are really reading into the socio-political side of this.’

‘It’s fun to do it.’ She shrugged with a smile. ‘Is that not half the point of this particular movie, to have you question? I love M’Baku though. He’s fun.’

‘Of course, you would go for the sarcastic one. And Shuri?’

‘Great. But Okoye is my favourite.’

‘She was willing to serve Killmonger?’ Tom looked at her shocked.

‘Yes, as a General, not as a friend. She believes in the Dora Milaje and their role in protecting Wakanda and its throne. I respect someone who will fight for what they believe in, even if I do not agree with it and especially when I know they are conflicted but still do what they think is right by their code.’

‘And Nakia?’ Tom asked as they got into the car.

‘She was the voice of reason, she said the same as Killmonger, that Wakanda should do more internationally, but no genocides, but she said in wearing a dress, so naturally, no one listened.’

Tom chuckled. ‘You really invest yourself in characters.’

‘I do, go big or go home, really. Why call yourself a Marvel fan and not at least try to invest in it emotionally.’

‘But you dislike Ant-Man and Guardians of the Galaxy.’

‘I don’t dislike the Guardians, I just think Quill is an ass. I love Drax and Gamora is kick-ass.’

‘And Ant-Man?’

‘Yeah, was not a fan of that one.’

Tom chuckled again as they drove the route home.

‘What about you?’

‘I really enjoyed it.’

‘Can I ask, you were never a comic fan, yet you ensure you see everything now, is there a reason for that?’

‘Well, one, I want to support the other films on their opening weekend, my ticket counts towards their records, and two, I work at this, I want to at least know what people are on about when we all do panels.’

‘Are you on the panel with anyone from it?’

‘I will be, for the Infinity War junket, yes.’

‘Ah, that will be handy.’

‘Yes, so I just want to know what I am in the middle of. Could you imagine if they asked a big question of Black Panther and I was standing there looking utterly perplexed, it does not look well.’

‘I suppose not.’ She agreed.

'Plus, you know me, I love movies in general.' He smiled.

*

The pair said little more on their way home from the movie. It was a while later when Danielle was looking at an email that was sent to her phone during the film but which she ignored until then that they spoke more again. ‘Hmm.’

‘Dare I ask?’ In truth, Tom did not want to know what was going on with Safeguard. He did not trust Lucas on his statement that they were trying to make things easier for Danielle. His concern was her, if tomorrow, Safeguard crumbled, he did not care, even if Danielle was left penniless workwise, he could look after them until she got a new job, he would not care about the company, all he was concerned for was Danielle.

‘Apparently, we are getting a huge contract soon.’

‘Right? What does that entail for you?’

‘They are asking if I want a part in it.’

‘Do you?’

‘No.’ She stated firmly.

‘How much are they offering?’

‘Thirty thousand for one month’s work.’

‘And the reason you are declining?’

‘I don’t want it.’

‘Where is it?’

‘New York.’

‘You really don’t like New York.’

‘I really don’t like the idea of being in charge of the European Office and being dragged to the US, I want stuff here, in Europe.’

‘Fair enough. Thirty thousand is a lot of money, though.’

‘Have we a thirty thousand pound bill I don’t know of?’ She asked.

‘We do not.’

‘Then I don’t need to take it. Would you do something that you would think would have no positive or even fun addition to your career just for thirty grand?’

‘Honestly, I don’t think I would. Not if it meant being away from home for a month in a place I am not overly fond of, no.’

‘That is my feelings on it.’

‘What will they do if you decline?’

‘Offer it elsewhere. What can they say, I am a partner, they cannot force me into it.’ She smiled. ‘Besides, I have something coming up that month in Germany for three days for a shoot that I actually want to do.’

‘Where?’

‘Berlin.’

‘Nice.’

‘If you are free those dates, you could come, but I dare say I will be boring for most of it, it is all night work so I will have daytime to look around.’

‘We will have to see. I liked Berlin.’ He chuckled. ‘It’s odd, even after a year and a half of this, I am still getting used to being the one left behind.’

‘Well, I get longer stints of you being gone. I tend to only do smaller stuff so I am not as long at it.’

‘What about Game of Thrones?’

‘I was one of a few working on that, so it was not as bad, they also tend to film a lot of scenes together, so it was balls to the wall for about a month straight, then done and onto the next location, which was not my concern.’ Tom chuckled at her words. ‘Does it worry you?’

‘What?’

‘My going away with work?’

‘No.’ He looked at her. ‘Honestly, I miss you terribly, the dogs miss you terribly, but seeing you achieve what you want, seeing you do well at everything, it makes me happy for you.’ She smiled happily at him. ‘And I know I don’t need to worry about other things, as I hope you know you don’t have to worry with me.’

‘The fact you even are saying that worries me. I don’t ever think such things. If a person wants to cheat, there is nothing you can do that will stop that, I only hope that you remember what we said regarding being honest if you ever feel so inclined.’ Danielle stated, looking Tom in the eye. ‘I could never consider such a thing, I am too happy with you to fuck it up for well...nothing really. We enjoy each other’s company, we love spending time together, we like a lot of the same things, we are comfortable together, the sex is really good, I can’t see the allure of wanting anyone else for anything.’

‘“Really good”?’ Tom asked with a smirk.

‘Do you not think so?’

‘I know so, but it’s always good to get a compliment.’ He licked his teeth as he grinned. ‘How can I make it excellent?’

‘I wanted to talk to you about that actually, how do you feel about dog collars and strap-ons?’ She asked casually. Tom stared at her in horror causing Danielle to be unable to keep her straight face any longer and she snorted loudly before erupting in laughter.

Seeing that she was joking, Tom tried to get annoyed for a moment before chuckling to himself. ‘For fuck sake. I am not talking to you now.’

‘Worth. It.’ Danielle forced out between fits of laughter.

‘I am here, trying to be a good partner, trying to make our relationship and our sex-life better and you are being childish.’ He chastised. Danielle looked at him for a moment as though itching to say something. ‘If you utter one word about punishments or other such things…’

‘I said nothing, you did.’ She started laughing again as Tom looked at her, unimpressed before chuckling too. ‘What are you like?’

‘You can’t blame me for your perverted brain.’

‘You are the one that mentioned spanking.’

Tom laughed at her and shook his head. ‘But you are happy?’

‘With us, yes. Every aspect of us.’ She ensured to make clear. ‘I love you and I love everything you do for us.’ She smiled, kissing his hand. ‘And the sex is really, really good, no crazy leather contraptions required. I am happy with what we are doing.’

‘Damn, I was about to order us a full leather bodysuit.’ Danielle snorted in laughter at the image as Tom found himself laughing also.

[aeipcthys]

╰ ❛   💉 — › miranda otto. cis-female. she/her.  ╯ have  you  met  celeste white  yet  ?  this fifty year old  taurus  has  been  living  in the seattle  area  for  one month.  she  makes  a  living  as  head of general surgery, which  is best suited for their cunning,  protective,  egotistical,  and stubborn personality. dream a little dream of me by doris day  is  one of  their  favorite  songs.

trigger warnings: abuse, alcoholism, misogyny, adultery, age difference, divorce, estranged parents

full character page here

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: celeste adella white

Nickname(s): you’ll call her celeste and like it

Age: 50

Date of Birth: april 30, 1970

Hometown: manchester, england

Current Location: seattle, washington

Ethnicity: white (english, german) 

Nationality: english

Gender: cisgender female

Pronouns: she/her/hers

Orientation: queen of the sapphics, but pansexual (believes sexuality is fluid) 

Status: divorced, single

Religion: agnostic

Political Affiliation: liberal leaning

Occupation: head of general surgery (specializes in minimally invasive & robotic surgeries)

Living Arrangements: lives alone and will not tell you where she lives but you can bet it’s bougie af

Language(s) Spoken: english, german

Accent: english

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Face Claim: miranda otto

Hair Color: red

Eye Color: green

Height: 5'5

Weight: 128 lbs

Build: slim

Tattoos: nope.

Piercings: ears

Clothing Style: bougie most of the time 

Usual Expression: pursed lips, scowl, something that says...I’m disappointed 

Distinguishing Characteristics: her smile, when you get to see it

HEALTH

Physical Ailments: none.

Neurological Conditions: n/a

Allergies: none.

Sleeping Habits: she sleeps on her freaking back like HOW people do that, i’ll never know, but the gal does

Eating Habits: she’ll eat whatever ends up in front of her 

Exercise Habits: she’s up every day at 4 or 5 am to do something physical 

Emotional Stability: i don’t know her

Sociability: very skeptical of people, often judgemental, but she can be kind and hold a conversation at times; she’s used to people wanting to talk to her

Body Temperature: runs cold yet often wears outfits she’ll definitely be cold in

Addictions: none.

Drug Use: not really (still stress smokes sometimes it’s not great)

Alcohol Use: oh yes...oh yes. she’s that person that has a bottle of really nice scotch in her bottom desk drawer with two empty glasses. 

PERSONALITY

Label: tbd

Positive Traits: cunning, protective, fierce, poised, skilled, brilliant

Negative Traits: egotistical, stubborn, judgmental, competitive, cold, closed-off

Fears: fears are for wimps 

Hobbies: who has the time for hobbies 

Habits: drinking, writing people off, holding grudges :) 

FAVOURITES

Weather: give her a brisk day

Colour: any deep red

Music: something classic, on a record player preferably 

Movies: old movies

Sport: tennis

Beverage: scotch, black coffee

Food: tbd

Animal: cats and only cats 

FAMILY

Father: oscar white

Mother: lucille white

Sibling(s): annabelle white

Children: bella peterman

Exes: clifford hughes (ex-husband #1), daniel peterman (ex-husband #2), lilith baxter (on again, off again girlfriend)

Pet(s): prince the black cat

Family’s Financial Status: wealthy

EXTRA

Zodiac Sign: taurus

MBTI: entj

Anything Else:

BIO

tl;dr: abusive father, quiet mother, distant sister; two failed marriages; daughter who hates her; VERY accomplished surgeon (studying under Ellis Grey for a bit), then doing her own research; particularly influential in the field of minimally invasive and robotic surgeries (well-known award winner); fucked lilith 

Celeste White was born to Oscar and Lucille White in Manchester, England. She was born a few years before her sister, Annabelle. The four lived in a large house, Celeste’s father being the beneficiary of her late grandfather’s successful business. Of course, Oscar couldn’t manage anything, let alone a successful company. 

Their house was a cold place to grow up. (TW alcoholism, abuse) Celeste’s father was constantly drinking, and when he wasn’t drinking, he was screaming at someone to get him more to drink. Her mother was a quiet woman, constantly living under the thumb of her father. He was most definitely abusive, although he mostly kept that out of their eyes. But Celeste knew, and she grew to resent her mother for what she saw as weakness. Annabelle tried to pretend it wasn’t happening at all. 

Celeste hated her father from a young age, always challenging him. He was a bastard (her words), and she let him know it. His reactions were often volatile. He wasn’t afraid to push around his kids, pull them by their hair, or hit them when provoked enough. And verbally he was a nightmare. He never paid it much mind after an altercation, but Celeste remembered everything. Especially how he would pit Celeste and Annabelle against each other. It prevented them from growing close as sisters. 

Celeste left the family at age 17, heading to the University of Oxford to begin her education. It was there she completed a six-year medicine program, and then she continued on in London for a few years to perfect her craft. During her schooling, Celeste met Clifford. She was barely 19 years old when she agreed to marry him. (TW age difference, misogyny, abuse) Clifford was 31 when he married Celeste, and their initial romance quickly curtailed into a mess of a marriage. They fought constantly. He threw countless insults at her. His hatred of women became clear. Celeste was doing very well in her school, excelling in her medical studies, but Clifford was failing in his business ventures at every turn. He began to drink and became quite the son of a bitch (her words). Their marriage ended with both of them engaging in a volatile fight. She divorced him once her training was done, deciding to move to the states the first moment she could. 

Celeste was 26 when she moved to the U.S., securing a job at Mass General Hospital. Celeste wasn’t overly crazy about the states, but she found working at the hospital to be enlightening. She started working under Ellis Grey. She was a hard woman to be around, but Celeste adamantly enjoyed learning from the other woman. She worked with her as she eventually won her a second Harper Avery award. Feeling inspired by the woman’s influence, Celeste began to engage in research of her own.

Celeste was 29 when she met Daniel Peterman. Daniel was a professor of medicine, and Celeste was enamored with his kindness and warmth. They were dating about 6 months when Celeste found out she was pregnant. She’d never wanted children. She even considered not having the child, but it turned out she was too far along to consider such choices. 

Celeste had to halt her research to give birth to her daughter, Bella. Looking at the tiny baby in her arms, Celeste really did fall in love. Possibly for the first time ever. She and Daniel were married soon after. 

Being in the U.S. soon became tiresome, so Daniel and Bella moved with Celeste back to London where she began to, once again, engage in her research. Celeste wrote numerous papers, many notable to her peers. She was becoming a very well-known surgeon, but her time away from Daniel and Bella was waring on them. Daniel would become more and more irritated that Celeste was more married to her work than him. He began to have numerous affairs outside of their marriage. To get back at him, Celeste did the same. Their marriage became more about the battle than their lives together. Bella was often caught in the middle of it all, but her Dad was more present in her life. Although Celeste tried, Bella began to openly favor Daniel.

Celeste and Daniel finally started their divorce proceedings when she was 39 years old. Bella was barely 10. Their divorce was bitter and angry. They fought over every scrap, including Bella. Celeste was able to maintain shared custody, but that wasn’t really the way it ended up playing out. Bella fought her at every turn, always wanting to go back to her father when she was with Celeste. For years they were at odds. Celeste loved Bella deeply, but she also loved her work. As Bella became a teenager, she eventually just stopped fighting and let Bella choose. Bella, of course, chose her father.

Celeste fell into her work, possibly producing even some of her best. She expanded her specialty to include minimally invasive and robotic surgeries. Celeste single-handedly changed the game with her research, becoming the face for minimally invasive techniques and robotics in surgery. When she was 45 years old, Celeste was awarded the Lister Medal by the Royal College of Surgeons of England (and countless other awards throughout her career). 

She even tried her hand at teaching. Although she was not always the easiest person to learn from, Celeste found herself quite taken by Kassandra. They formed a bond during their time working together, and while she’d never fully admit it, Celeste enjoys mentoring the girl. One of her soft spots.

Celeste never had the desire to marry again, and she wasn’t concerned with love of any kind. Just loving. Her sexuality was something she always felt encouraged to explore. Although she’d only ever married men, there were women and other folks she’d had affairs with over the years. She much preferred women, if she was being honest. 

Celeste met Lilith Baxter through her work and found the woman to be seductive and sensuous. They were on and off again, but Celeste quite enjoyed when they were on. They weren’t a perfect duo...two dominating personalities never were, but Celeste did think about Lilith. More often than she should. 

It occurred to Celeste as she was turning 50 that she had accomplished a lot, but retirement was nowhere close to where she wanted to be. Upon hearing of the opening in Seattle, Celeste decided to once again venture to the states. She asked Bella to move with her, but her daughter ignored the offer. They barely speak these days, which breaks Celeste’s heart. Celeste has won a lot of awards, but she would love to secure the Harper Avery.

PLOTS

y’all know me open to anything

we love a mentee or research assistant, perhaps an enemy to loath, a connection from someone who used to work with her (either abroad or in the u.s. in the past), a connection with one of her ex-husbands, and of course sexy times

[povvertaken]

for @partloss​ / MEME / ACCEPTING

For once, Jacob is grateful for the moment of quiet inside the car. Between campaign speeches, television appearances, and press interviews, he’s been brooding over something. Weeks back, in a cigarette break behind the back of some bland building, they debated the nature of sex. A substitute, Daniel had pronounced in his perfect vowels, peering over the end of his cigarette at Jacob. At the time, he had simply shot back with his own loaded response. In the whirling chaos of election campaigns, that felt years ago. 

A substitute, like money or language.

He shuts his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

Sex is about power.

There’s an elegant efficiency about it, really. Daniel can’t afford to ruin his image with a fling, or one night stand. He has no long term relationship, and a lonely hotel wank only exacerbates a lack of intimacy. Fucking his bodyguard takes care of all those concerns. Jacob spends most nights sleeping in the same suit at Daniel anyway, a loyal hound at the foot of the bed ready to chase off any intruder.

There’s no affection between them, only satisfaction and necessity. Still, something about it rankles.

“Do you really think sex is only a substitute?”

The question is out before he can stop himself, curiosity and irritation becoming a volatile mix. He deserves the look Daniel gives him, looking up from his phone with an elegant expression of surprise.

“You remember too much.”

Funny how you know exactly what I’m talking about. He pushes the comment back and meets Daniel’s gaze. He should know better than to expect anything but a politician’s answer, but he asks anyway. 

“It’s not a question about policy. You could have the decency to actually answer me.”

Does he imagine the amusement flickering in Daniel’s green eyes? 

“It’s a substitute for a lot of things. Have you considered becoming a masseuse when this is all over?”

Jacob winces. Daniel’s tone is smooth, sweet as honey, but the sting is waspish. A reminder of his place, a slap by from a gloved hand. When he’s achieved his ambitions to power, he’ll have no need of Jacob. He’ll have Secret Service bodyguards, men with crew cuts who have missionary sex every Wednesday night with their boring wives. It’s not like he has any desire to be the first husband to Daniel’s political career, but he’d at least imagined there was something more than sex bonding them together. More fool him. 

“I’ll remember to ask you for a reference if the opportunity presents itself,” he replies blandly, turning to look out the window. 

“Don’t sulk. It doesn’t suit you.” Daniel’s sharp rebuke is unexpected, and Jacob’s neck moves too quickly to stare at him. “This is business, politics. You’re very good at what you do, darling, but you’re not the man I take with me to the White House. I mean, well, look at you.”

He understands what Daniel means. Daniel’s voters fall under the sway of his intelligence and charm, his money, his All New American Traditionalism. Daniel’s partner would have to wear the same designer suits, not leather jackets. Daniel’s partner would be neat, tidy, acceptable to Housing Associations across the country. Jacob’s transatlantic bad boy reputation puts him at odds with all of that. And what does he want with Daniel anyway? The life Daniel is building is not one he fits into, not by desire or practicality. 

“It’s not about that,” Jacob replies, not entirely convincing himself. “No man wants to feel like a substitute.” He looks at something over Daniel’s shoulder, out the window. “I’m not asking for a future with you, neither of us want that. But you can’t blame a man for wanting to believe he’s a decent shag and not just a tactical massage.” 

[catholicartistsnyc]

Meet Indiana-based Artist Daniel Mitsui

DANIEL PAUL MITSUI is a Hobart, Indiana-based artist specializing in ink drawing on calfskin and paper.  His work is mostly religious in subject, inspired by medieval illuminated manuscripts, panel paintings and tapestries. www.danielmitsui.com

CATHOLIC ARTIST CONNECTION: Where are you from originally, and what brought you to Hobart, IN?

DANIEL MITSUI: I was born at Fort Benning, Georgia, where my father was an infantry officer. I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, and lived in Chicago for most of my adult life. About two and a half years ago, I moved with my wife and four kids to Hobart, Indiana, which is sort of the easternmost edge of Chicagoland.

How do understand your vocation as a Catholic artist? "Catholic Art" can mean a number of different things: art that happens to be made by a Catholic, whatever it is; art that communicates Catholic ideas and values; art that explicitly treats the Catholic religion as its subject; or art that is considered "sacred" art, meaning that it is intended to communicate religious truth and to assist prayer.

Most of my artwork is of this last kind, so I understand my task as twofold. First, I do my best to follow an established tradition as far as composition and arrangement are concerned. Sacred art should corroborate sacred scripture and liturgy, and the exegesis of the Church Fathers - because it too is a means by which the memory of Jesus Christ's revelation is carried forward through the centuries.

Second, I do my best to make the art as beautiful as possible, because the experience of beauty is a way for men and women in a fallen world to remember dimly the prelapsarian world, and to grow in their desire for reunion with God. As I wrote in one of my lectures:

It is important "not to consider sacred art a completed task, not to consider any historical artifact to be a supreme model to be imitated without improvement. To make art ever more beautiful is not to take it away from its source in history, but to take it back to its source in Heaven. Sacred art does not have a geographic or chronological center; it has, rather, two foci, like a planetary orbit. These correspond to tradition and beauty. One is the foot of the Cross; the other is the Garden of Eden."

I am Catholic, and an artist, so I have no objection to being called a "Catholic artist.” However, I do not want to make an advertisement of my personal faith or piety, to suggest to other Catholics that they ought to buy or commission artwork from me because of the sort of person I am, rather than because of the artwork's own merits. An artist who would make an advertisement of his personal faith or piety has received his reward.

At this time, my personal mission is to complete a large cycle of 235 drawings, together making an iconographic summary of the Old and New Testaments and illustrating the events that are most prominent in sacred liturgy and patristic exegesis. I call this the Summula Pictoria, and I plan to spend the next twelve years of so working to complete it, alongside other commissions. I already have spent more than two years on it, mostly on preliminary research and design work.

Where have you found support in the Church for your vocation as an artist? The Catholic Church is of course much more than its institutional structures; it is all the faithful. Most of my patronage comes from private individuals rather than parishes and dioceses. I do receive some commissions  from ecclesiastical institutions - in 2011 I even completed a large project for the Vatican - but I do not go out of my way to secure them. In ecclesiastical institutions, there tend to be committees involved, and a whole lot of politics; the usual result is that an artist spends time preparing proposals, reserving his most interesting ideas, and just fighting for permission to make the best artwork possible. I feel sorry for artists like architects and sacred musicians who, by the nature of their medium, have to do this. I avoid it whenever possible.

I choose to make artwork that is small enough and inexpensive enough that private individuals can commission and buy it. I think this may be the future of Catholic art patronage; there is not much reason to think that ecclesiastical institutions will be able to provide it much longer. You can look at the demographic changes, at the money lost both through diminishing donations and lawsuits because of clerical scandals, at the amount of artwork already available as salvage from closed parishes - none of this suggests that ecclesiastical institutions will become great patrons of new sacred art any time soon.

How can the Church be more welcoming to artists? I think that sacred art should have four qualities: it should be traditional and beautiful, as I said already; and it should be real and interesting.

What the clergy and theologians of the Church could do to help artists is to advance an argument for art that has these qualities. They have not advanced this argument much lately, and a good number of them probably don't even believe it.

By "real" I mean that sacred art ought, at least as an ideal, to be made by real human hands or voices. Music sung or played in person is a different thing, and a better thing, than an electronic recording. A picture drawn by hand is qualitatively superior to picture printed by a computer. There is at least a rule on the books that liturgical music needs to be sung or played live, not off of a CD, but even there a lot of fake things are broadly tolerated: bell sound effects played from speakers in a tower, or synthesizers dressed up in casings to look like pipe organs. Visual artists don't even have this sort of rule in place for them. Printing technology - both 2D and 3D - is now so sophisticated that I worry about it displacing human artists, without the clergy or theologians objecting.

I fear that some time soon, one of the great artistic or architectural treasures of Christianity will be ruined - more completely and irreparably than Notre Dame de Paris -  and that in response to demands that it be rebuilt exactly as it was before, living artists will dismissed from the task as untrustworthy. Instead, a computer model will be constructed from the photographic record, and everything will be 3D printed in concrete or faux wood. Once that happens, a precedent is set, and living artists and architects thenceforth will compete, most likely at an economic disadvantage, against computers imitating the old masters.

I don’t oppose reproductions themselves; I have digital prints on display in my own home, and I sell digital prints of my own artwork. I listen to recordings of music. I do oppose the idea that these can, in themselves, provide a sufficient experience of art and music. I oppose the idea that sacred art and music can be fostered through attitudes that would have made their existence impossible in the first place.

By "interesting," I mean that art and music should command attention. So many Catholics have gotten it into their minds that the very definition of prayer or worship is "thinking pious thoughts to oneself.” They close their eyes and obsess about whether they can think those pious thoughts through to a conclusion without noticing anything else. With this mindset, art and music are praised as"prayerful" simply for being easy to ignore. Art or music that are particularly excellent are condemned as "distracting.”

This, really, is wrongheaded. Distractions from prayer are foremost interior, the result of our own loud and busy and selfish thoughts. Sacred art or music that draw us out of our own thoughts, that make us notice their beauty, are fulfilling their purpose; they are bringing us closer to the source of all beauty, God.

I can't remember the last time I heard a living priest of theologian say as much.

How can the artistic world be more welcoming to artists of faith? I don't really think that it makes sense to speak of an artistic world as opposed to any other world, at least when it comes to sacred art.

This art is meant to be in churches, or in homes, or in any places where people pray - that is to say, anywhere. It belongs to everyone. I have no objection to seeing my artwork in galleries or museums, but I don't seek out those spaces; I try to make my artwork available to anyone, as directly as possible.

How do you afford housing as an artist? The medium in which I chose to work - small scale ink drawing - does not require a very large working space, and uses no toxic materials or dangerous equipment. So really, all I need is a room in which to work. It doesn't need to be a space outside the home, or away from my kids.

So affording housing as an artist is, for me, the same as affording housing in general. I moved to my current home after my wife and I decided that our family was too large to stay in apartments any more; we have four children, and wanted a yard of our own for them. We wanted to be near Chicago, but everything on the Illinois side of the border was too expensive. It took about six months of house hunting, and one temporary move, before we found what we wanted, and we had to borrow most of the money to buy it. So I don't know that I should be giving out advice, except perhaps to urban artists who are "apartment poor" like I used to be, not to let that situation go on too long.

I advise any artists who are still early enough in their careers not to be wedded to a particular medium to consider how their choice of medium will affect what sort of living space they will need eventually, especially if they hope to have a family. If you want to paint pictures or make prints that require pigments or chemicals too toxic to have around young children or pregnant women, that is something you should be prepared to deal with in advance.

How do you financially support yourself as an artist? My artwork is my livelihood. About half of my income is from commissioned drawing, and about half from print sales, licensing and book royalties. I do teach, write and lecture on occasion, but this is not a significant part of my income. I've never had a residency or a grant, and I do not seek them out.

I've had my own website, www.danielmitsui.com, since maybe 2005, and use this as the primary means of displaying, selling and promoting my work.

What are your top 3 pieces of advice for Catholic artists? In one of my lectures, Heavenly Outlook, I gave three pieces of advice to anyone who want to appreciate or make sacred art, and I will repeat them here:

First, never treat art like data. Second, be guided by holy writ and by tradition itself: liturgical prayer, the writings of the church fathers and the art of the past. Third, do not consider sacred art a completed task. Do not consider any historical artifact to be a supreme model to be imitated without improvement. Please pray for me, and for my family.

[mrsrcbinscn]

Franny’s 30 Day Cover Challenge

Playlist

Franny’s 30 Day Cover Song Challenge: (categories are mostly from here, and here, with some from here, and a couple I made) in September 2020 one of her musician friends challenged her to do the thing and she was like “It seems like a fun way to show everyone what kind of music has influenced me as a musician, singer, songwriter, and just like, person. So I’m going to do it.”

In reality, she recorded most of them in 1-2 days to distract her from how sad she is because Wilbur hates her and he’s sad lmao

It helped a little.

(If you want me to drop the playlist she mentions in #24 let me know, I have it started I can finish it)

TW: mentions of Franny’s political beliefs so tw: politics, an allusion to suicide though the word isn’t directly used, mention of 9/11 and the subsequent invasions...nothing graphic with any of these triggers but worth a forewarning

Day 01 - A song that makes you happy

Honey Spiders by The Parlotones

“The Parlotones are this fantastic indie rock band out of South Africa. And I actually thought about doing their song, uh, Stars Fall Down for day sixteen, but I’m going with Honey Spiders for day 1. There were lots of Parlotones songs, I mean. Push Me to The Floor, We Call This Dancing, Should We Fight Back...but ah, Honey Spiders always puts me in a good mood.”

Day 02 - A song that helps you clear your head

Light of a Clear Blue Morning by Dolly Parton

“I grew up on Dolly, and it’s funny because for the longest time this song wasn’t really on my radar as much as it is now. But when I was twenty-two I was going through something really difficult, and my then-fiance now husband was abroad for work, so I was alone in our apartment and just. Really, profoundly sad and lonely. So I put on a Dolly Parton record and just laid on the bed and Light Of A Clear Blue Morning played and I had a good long cry and felt so much better after that. When I need to think about how to solve a difficult problem, or I feel overwhelmed, I just listen to that song.”

Day 03 - Song you love from a band/artist you hate

Should’ve Been A Cowboy by Toby Keith

“Honestly, he’s called me a nasty lady to my face and I’ve called him a facist enabling pig to his, so I have no qualms openly saying I hate Toby Keith. That being said, Should’ve Been A Cowboy is one of the best country songs of the 90s, undeniably. I loved that song when it came out when I was thirteen, and I still love it.”

Day 04 - A song about drugs or alcohol

Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss

“This is probably cheating, because my lovely best friend Daniel and I cover this a lot at Dara & Danny shows. But today look who I have! My friend Max from Seoul Hanoi’d! Max the Korean Scot who can’t hide his accent to save his life, so let’s see how it sounds in a Scottish accent.”

Day 05 - A protest song

Talking Vietnam Blues by Phil Ochs /// and Here’s to The State of Mississippi by Phil Ochs

“This one was hard because I. Fucking. Love. Protest music. I could have done a whole 30 days of protest music - wow, let me know if I should do that and give my husband a heart attack with all the twitter threats I’ll invite. Huh. Right, so I was going to do Your Flag Decal Won’t Get You Into Heaven by John Prine. But I decided to do two Phil Ochs songs because I don’t think Phil Ochs is talked about enough. It’s a shame we lost him so young. Ochs’ sardonic humor and honesty in his writing has influenced me as a songwriter deeply. When I write political songs, I don’t hold back, and it’s because of Phil Ochs’ writing that I have that courage. I’ve been singing Love Me, I’m A Liberal since I was in college with constantly updating lyrics. It was so hard to even choose which songs of his to do because for his fairly short career his songbook is lengthy and full of gems. I’m Going to Say It Now, Draft Dodger Rag, Spanish Civil War Song, I Ain’t Marching Anymore...I couldn’t pick one so I’m cheating and recording two.”

Day 06 - A song you wish you wrote

When I Think About Cheatin’ by Gretchen Wilson

“I will forever be pissed off that I didn’t write this song. I’m absolute trash for my husband, so it’s never -- I’ve never had to be in a situation to ever consider -- but this song gets me every time. It feels like I could have written it. Because we do spend a lot of time apart travelling for our work. And the sentiment expressed in the song is a little too real.”

Day 07 - A song in a language you don’t speak

Khattar by Khine Htoo

“This will either be a charming attempt to sing in Burmese or I’m about to offend a lot of people. Which, being a politically outspoken woman on the internet, I’m used to anyway. So. 1, 2, 3, okay here goes.”

Day 08 - A song by an artist no longer living

Phop Samnang by Sinn Sisamouth (inspiration)

“Haha, you thought I’d see the name of this category and not do a Sinn Sisamouth song? You were wrong.”

Day 09 - A song you want to dance to at your wedding

Devoted To You by The Everly Brothers

“I’m already married, so this was actually our first dance song at our wedding. Day three of our wedding, like the more Westernized wedding ceremony day. We had a three day long traditional Cambodian wedding and I felt like a princess. An-y-way!”

Day 10 - A song that makes you cry

Borrowed Rooms and Old Wood Floor by Emily Scott Robinson

“Unfortunately, Emily Scott Robinson and I aren’t related. Sad, I know, because she’s so talented. Almost her entire album Traveling Mercies is...sad as hell. The record reminded me of early Dolly Parton, and my second solo album. You know, all those sad-ass songs. The Dress is honestly the song that makes me the saddest but I can’t even listen to it without crying so.”

Day 11 - A song that you love hearing live

Prove My Love  by Violent Femmes

“There is nobody I have seen in concert more than Dolly Parton, but Violent Femmes and George Strait come incredibly close. The Cranberries, the amount of times I saw them in the 90s and early 2000s...close fourth. Probably. The very first concert I dragged my husband to was a Violent Femmes concert, he was not prepared for how hard college me went.”

Day 12 - A song from before 1960 

There Ain’t No Sweet Man That’s Worth The Salt of My Tears by Libby Holman

“This song is from 1928. I came across it when I was in grad school and it’s, as the kids say, a bop.”

Day 13 - A song you think everybody should listen to

White Man’s World by Jason Isbell

“I think perspectives of people of color should of course take precedence in these conversations. But I find this song to be a good faith attempt of a white man coming to terms with the institutional racism and sexism in the world around him. And I think this song can be a useful tool to explain certain concepts of racial justice to ignorant but well-meaning folks. As a woman of color I think Jason Isbell did a great job not centering himself even though it was from his perspective. This song is great musically and necessary socially.”

Day 14 - A song from the 1970s

You’re No Good by Linda Ronstadt

“Linda Ronstadt is grossly underrated, that’s all I have to say here.”

 Day 15 - A song people wouldn’t expect you to like

Racists by Anti-flag

“I mean, I’ve talked about how much I like punk in the past, and I remember a video of Seoul Hanoi’d doing Spanish Bombs at a San Antonio show made the rounds, but I don’t think I’ve talked about how much I like Anti-flag. People don’t expect me to like punk for some reason. But I agree with...everything punk music is all about.”

Day 16 - A song that holds a lot of meaning to you

Blue by LeAnn Rimes

“It’s silly, but I won a county fair singing competition with this song in high school and it really fueled my passion for music, that win. It’s also the first song Cornelius heard me go full Georgia on, with the yodels and all, at the little bar in my hometown on his first trip meeting my parents. The song doesn’t cut to my very soul ot anythin’, but it’s special to me.”

Day 17 - A song attached to a memory

Supernova by Liz Phair

“I remember buying Liz Phair’s Whip-smart album when I was eleven. And in college, when I was getting ready for dates with Cornelius in my dorm room, I would dance around to a CD I burned and wrote on it with a sharpie, ‘Pre-date Movie Scene Music.’ God, what was even on there? I’m about to expose myself as the most basic 1999-2001 bitch. I remember Head Over Feet, I mean, Alanis Morisette? I was a young woman in 2000, obviously I loved her. Mm, Dreams by The Cranberries...oh, Kiss Me, Sixpence None The Richer...yeah, anyway, Supernova was on there.”

Day 18 - A song from the year you were born

Call Me by Blondie

“...I can’t believe Call Me is as old as I am.”

Day 19 - A song that reminds you of someone you miss

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing (yes, of course she does a cover with banjo)

“This was my late best friend Molly’s favorite hymn. And I sang it at her funeral at her husband’s request. Molly and I grew up together in the small town of Payne Lake, Georgia and Molly was the most devout Christian...but she was also the first person I came out to as bisexual when I was a teenager, and she said that Jesus taught her that love was the greatest commandment and that meant I was automatically twice as good at it as her. Her faith guided her every action but she never talked down on her two best friends - Dan(iel Maitland) and I for not sharing it. Molly was doing the whole emulate Jesus thing beautifully. I miss her every day and it’s been seven years. If you ever think that people won’t miss you...you’re wrong. All right, let’s see if I can get through this without crying.”

Day 20 - A song by an artist you discovered this year

Hello, Anxiety by Phum Viphurit

“I just discovered this quirky Thai-Kiwi singer and not to be dramatic, but he’s my favorite thing in the world right now.”

Day 21 - A song with a city or country in the title

Oh! Phnom Penh (track 20)

“This song was written after the fall of the Khmer Rouge, and after people began to make their way to what was left of their homes, alone, or with what was left of their families. If you want to learn more about what that was like to actually live it, my cousin Reena Boran has a video interviewing her parents and paternal grandfather and uncle about it. Reena is a journalism student currently studying in London but she lives in Cambodia. Her mother is my aunt Malisruot, my mother’s youngest sister. The video is English subtitled on her channel, I’ll link it in the description box below.”

Day 22 - A song from the 1960s

To Sir, With Love by Lulu

“I didn’t actually discover this song until I heard it covered at a 10,000 Maniacs concert in the 90s. My friend Allison was standing next to me and I just started crying and she’s like ‘are you okay?’ and all I just blubbered out ‘My dad!’ For the uninitiated, my dad married my mom, who’d raised me alone until then, when I was six and he adopted me when I was eight. My dad didn’t have to adopt me, he didn’t have to call me his daughter, he could have just been like half of my friends’ stepdads and give me a place to live and nothing else. But my dad was my biggest supporter from day one. He convinced my mom to let me join the dance team and show choir instead of science club, he was the one that talked my mom down from probably killing me when they found out I was only studying music and not music and political science at NYU. I am who I am today because he is my dad. And this song just says everything I’ve always thought about him.”

Day 23 - A song from your childhood

Una Lacrima Sul Viso by Bobby Solo

“But Franny, aren’t you a Cambodian raised in the US? Yes, but you were fooled. My very white father is also an immigrant. He is from Switzerland and while he didn’t teach me to speak Italian and German growing up, he played German, Italian, and French records all the time. My parents often spoke to each other in French and I picked up some French but properly studied it starting in high school, and I didn’t study Italian until college -- and my German is still …. [points to a spot on the screen where she later inserted a card linking to a video on her cousin Köbi Framagucci’s YouTube channel titled ‘Can My American Cousin Speak German?’ where he tests her Standard and Swiss German speaking and comprehension]. But hell if I couldn’t sing every one of the songs from my father’s French, German, and Italian record before I knew what the words even meant.”

Day 24 - A song that gives you chill vibes

Glorify by Ivan & Alyosha

“Dan(iel Maitland) and I actually have an entire playlist on my Spotify accounts of songs to listen to to get us out of writers’ block. And one that I often will put on repeat and just absorb through my headphones with my eyes closed is a song called Glorify by Ivan & Alyosha. I think it touches on a lot of the themes I include in my songwriting. Christian mythology, the darker side of humanity, it often reminds me of what I love about songwriting. If you say please I might drop a link to that playlist.”

Day 25 - A song that’s your signature song

Long Gone Lonesome Blues by Hank Williams“Right, so I chose this instead of a Kitty Wells song or I Get A Kick Out of You (her being

featured on a 2005

recording propelled her career majorly) because if you’re familiar with me you might have seen a video that went around in like….2017? 2016? of Dan(iel Maitland) and I doin’ the song at our hometown bar in 2014. I posted it in response to some tweets because hoes mad when a WOC calls out racism and sexism in the Nashville music industry. ‘Bet she don’t even know Hank’, really? You think I wouldn’t know the history of one of the two music industries I work in? Please. Anyway, she knows Hank and nails the incredibly technical yodel -- the

most difficult

one in Hank’s songbook - in Long Gone Lonesome Blues. Mm...Lovesick Blues though, that also strikes fear into my heart. Anyway stay mad I guess?”

Day 26 - A song by your favorite band

Gun Shy by 10,000 Maniacs

“10,000 Maniacs was one of my favorite bands when I was in like 5th grade through 10th. I listened to them for a little while after Natalie Merchant left for a solo career, but the Natalie Merchant era was really what resonated with me the most. Gun Shy was a bit too advanced for my little 5th, 7th grade ears to really appreciate when I first discovered the album In My Tribe. Merchant’s voice -- because like, I don’t have a very conventional voice either, so her and Dolores O’Riordan really changed my entire perspective on what a woman’s voice can sound like in rock music. Um, yeah, so her voice more than the lyrics just wowed me. And as I got closer to graduating high school and especially in college I actually understood what What’s The Matter Here, Hey Jack Kerouac, and Gun Shy were talking about. Gun Shy...really became a significant song to me because...being born in 1980 I grew up in a relatively peaceful time. The Cold War was all but thawed by my tenth birthday. But I was getting ready to leave my then-boyfriend-now-husband’s apartment for class at NYU on the morning of 9/11. We stood in line for hours to donate blood. And then my government invaded two completely unrelated countries and jingoism and terrifying, fervent nationalism, and xenophobia just smacked me in the face. And friends of mine from high school were convicted to drop out of college and join the Army, and died, for an unjust, imperialist war, and suddenly Phil Ochs, John Prine, and Bob Dylan lyrics hit a lot different, and I understood what Gun Shy was really about.”

Day 27 - A song you hate by an artist you love

Mrs.Robinson by Simon & Garfunkel 

“Paul Simon is one of my favorite songwriters ever, um, and I actually used to like Mrs. Robinson….until I got married and everyone sang it at me. It’s kind of my fault, I did choose to take my husband’s last name. And I leaned into it by making my social media handles all Mrs. Robinson...but still. Only play the song around me if you want to die.”

Day 28 - A song that a younger you would have loved

Mean by Taylor Swift

“I’m so genuinely glad that I am older than Taylor Swift. Middle school Franny did not need Taylor Swift to enable me and fuel my ego. Some of her singles, while not really 35 and 40 year old Franny’s cup of tea, young me would have played until my mother hid the record or cassette from me. Although - fuck if Tim McGraw didn’t immediately give my happily married ass flashbacks to my first love and make me bawl like a baby? Right, so when Speak Now came out and I listened to it, Mean, while not a song that adult me has listened to maybe more like ten times, I immediately thought ‘wow, I needed this song when I was in middle and high school.’ I could literally picture 7th grade me with my little guitar and my little cowboy boots my dad bought for me singing this at the talent show making eye contact with the kids who bullied me as if it was some kind of own when it’s not. I could still, almost thirty years later, name them if I really wanted. So, for 7th grade me, Mean by Taylor Swift.”

Day  29- A song that reminds you of your partner/spouse

ផាត់ជាយបណ្តូលចិត្ / Phat Cheay Bon'dol Chet by Sinn Sisamuth (translation) (female singer covering it) (modern, studio recording of a male and female singer dueting it) (a cool violin cover) (another female singer) (cool guitar cover)

Feat. some members of Seoul Hanoi’d. Andy Chaiyaporn (violin), Max Cho (piano), Jodie Batbayar (cello), Aisulu Niyazova-Li (percussion) and Franny has her guitar

“The song, lyrically, only reminds me of my husband a little bit. But Phat Cheay Bondol Chet has several memories with my husband attached to it. The first time he heard me sing in Khmer was at my mother’s house in Atlanta when I had him visit the first time to meet my parents. My mom had a little dinner party at our house to show him off, like Asian moms do when they think their daughter snags a good one, and I was hand washing the dishes while my mom and the other Cambodian parents were listening to Sinn Sisamuth records. I’ve always loved the song I’ll be showing y’all today, like I’ve always just stopped what I was doing and -- so it came on and I just started singing along without really being aware of it. And then at a different diaspora get together that summer, that song came on and I just kinda. Pulled him aside to the side yard of that person’s house to look at the stars with him and translated the song. It’s one of the Khmer songs he instantly recognizes now, so it’s special.”

Franny did NOT say in the video that college her 100% had him sit in the grass with her outside that person’s house, where nobody could see, so she could makeout with him 

 Day 30- A song by one of your favorite songwriters

Reincarnation by Roger Miller

Feat. Seoul Hanoi’d, done more in the style of the Cake cover 

Also instead of singing the lyric “you’re a girl, I’m a boy” she goes “you’re a girl, so am I” because she doesn’t ever change pronouns, she just makes it gay because she is a bi-con

“Roger Miller, to me, is as important as Dolly Parton, Paul Simon, Bob Dylan, in the American songbook. He’s not as talked about which is a shame because his discography is iconic. Getting to be a part of King of The Road was one of the highlights of my career.”

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 34

Chapter Summary -   Taylor's new song causes Danielle to wish she was a more physically aggressive person, but she keeps herself calm.

When Luke turns up on set, slightly miffed, his annoyance is quickly diverted from Danielle and Tom's relationship to Taylor, leading to him getting to know Danielle even better, what does he think of Tom's new flame?

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog  @jessibelle-nerdy-mum@nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

It took every fibre of restraint in Danielle’s being to not want to go over and slap that smarmy tart across the face as she gave the Safety Officer a sickeningly sweet false smile on her entered the set for everything she had said of Danielle and of Tom. Danielle remained right next to the head of the studio, who of course, would not miss the opportunity to suck up to the famous pop star. It was her best defence, knowing from Taylor’s demeanour that she would relish in getting Danielle fired.

“Well then, Ms Hughes, this is the placements for everyone, is there any issue?” the producer and choreographers asked.

Scanning the plans, her eyes widened. “You can’t do this.”

“And why not?” Taylor demanded, “Just because it hasn’t been done before doesn’t mean it can’t. That is the difference between an artist and some set worker, you lack the vision to do something like this.”

“Actually, I am sorry to inform you, Ms Swift, this is not a revolutionary idea, it has, in fact, been done ad nauseum. The issue here is not the inability to do it, but the safety factors involved. That.” she pointed to a nearby pillar, “Is purely for decoration, it not for function. It is only plasterboard and other cheap, breakable materials, and is not attached to the ceiling, or indeed the floor. Your dancers are very much at risk if you have them dance too close to it, it could very easily fall over, and though it is not functional, it is close to half a tonne in weight, not something I could ever possibly sign off on as being safe.” She explained logically, loving the fact that every word she spoke drove Taylor more and more to the brink of a tantrum, knowing that she could not argue Danielle’s point without others thinking her as being nothing more than petulant. “I can suggest other safer areas if you’d like.” She offered the producer.

The rest of the shoot went as well as it could in Danielle’s opinion, considering the main person dictating the shoot was the narcissistic ex-girlfriend of her boyfriend who seemed hell-bent on getting a reaction from Danielle. The song, as Danielle had gathered, was not only slating Tom as a user, a manipulator and a cheat, but also ensured to hint that Danielle, or the ‘The Heeler’ the title of the song referenced to, was the reason for the protagonist’s pain and hurt. She just bit her lips together and made comments to the producer where necessary to ensure the safety of everyone on set; though were Taylor to be hit across the head by a low beam, she would not have been entirely heartbroken.

“Thank you for all your hard work, Taylor was right to specifically ask for you.” The producer smiled politely.

Danielle mulled over those words for a moment when something came to her. “I have never worked with Ms Swift before, how did she even hear of me?” she asked, playing innocent.

“Well, I assume it has something to do with your work on other music video’s.” the producer dismissed, thinking nothing of it.

“I have never done a music video.” Danielle countered.

The producer frowned, “Did you work stateside?”

“I have never been to the States. This is my fourth ever gig. Sherlock, a soap opera, Game of Thrones, Beauty and the Beast.” She listed off.

“Odd, she knows no one really on those; your reputation obviously precedes you, because she was adamant about having you here.” He shrugged and walked off, leaving Danielle very concerned as to how Swift knew her career change.

“She’s over there, black jacket saying S.O. on it.” She heard a guy instruct.

Terrified as to who it was, she turned, shocked to see Luke Windsor coming towards her, grimacing internally at the annoyed look on his face “Mr Windsor.”

“Ms Hughes.” He replied curtly.

“You do not look best pleased.” She commented.

“Perhaps that is because I am not.”

“Is it anything to do with my relationship with one of your clients?” she gambled.

“That is exactly what it is.”

“Have we been spotted?” She knew it was only a matter of time before they were, but she had hoped to have spoken with Sophie before being thrown to the wolves or crazy fangirls as the case may be.

“No, there is no hint of anything.”

She frowned. “Then I don’t understand.”

“Would you like to know how I found out my biggest actor is seeing a set safety officer?”

“Tom sending a drunken text?” she guessed.

“No, that would actually have been better.” He growled. “I found out when I was speaking with Emma, Watson that is, and she made mention that she has seen Tom quite frequently of late, and how she was delighted he found a, and I quote ‘great, down to earth and decent’ girlfriend.” He explained.

“I know you’re mad Tom didn’t tell you that your conversation with me fixed our little miscommunication issue, but I am just going to bask in the knowledge that the Emma Watson called me those things.”

“You were just as capable of telling me.”

“I am not your client, though. I can’t imagine your secretary putting through my calls.”

Luke made a face that told her he could not argue that. “Well, a warning from either of you would have been nice, I need to make sure that when this does become public, that I actually know what is going on, as it stood, I thought there was nothing between you.”

“Shh!” Danielle looked around to see if anyone was close by. Luke looked around confused. “I…Do not bring that up here, please.”

“Why not?”

“Well, one; I don’t want anyone thinking I got where I am by sleeping with an actor, and two; of all the days for that to be made public here, today is not the day.”

“Why not?”

“You have no idea who’s here, do you?” he shook his head. “Your favourite pop princess.”

Luke’s face fell, his pallor changing. “What?”

“People were wondering why she was in London; she is here to shoot her new video, in this studio, today, and guess who the song is about?”

“I am going to kill him. I warned him.”

“I know, but there is nothing we can do about it.” She soothed.

“How bad is it?”

“He manipulated and used her, and I made him cheat on her with me.” She explained.

“Fuck,” he shook his head.

“You need to go,” Danielle stated. Luke looked at her almost indignantly. “If she sees you here, she will make a big deal of this, you are Tom’s publicist so she will know we’re together. She already knows I’m working here. That’s already too much.”

“Well, if you knew she was going to be here, why did you take this job, are you actively looking for trouble?” he growled.

“I was told, under no uncertain terms, that should I leave set today, after my actual job, I would be blacklisted. She demanded me specifically.” She informed him. “How she even knew I was working here, or indeed that I changed careers, I don’t know.”

Luke’s brows furrowed. “She wouldn’t have known?”

“They were broken up when I moved into it, and Tom didn’t find out until a month ago. There’s no way she should know.”

“Unless she has been keeping tabs on you.” Danielle cocked her head slightly, “Why come to London to shoot a video, the company she is using,” he looked at the emblem on the side of a soundboard case. “That’s an American company, she flew it all here.”

“She wouldn’t have done it specifically for me.” Danielle dismissed.

“Wouldn’t she?” Luke challenged. “I went snooping on PR Barbie when she and Tom were linked. I cannot believe these words are coming out of my mouth, but I agree with Kim Kardashian, she is a snake.”

“Hey, we don’t even know that woman, don’t judge her.”

“She got famous for nothing.”

“Actually, she got famous for something; something I don’t think many people would be willing to do, but to say she maintained fame shows she is not an absolute airhead, she’s worth more than you and I are.”

“You don’t strike me as a trash television fan.” Luke eyed her up and down.

“Never saw her show, not overly bothered by her existence, I just don’t know her, and as a fellow woman, I commend her for doing well with her life.” She shrugged.

Luke was about to say something else to her, but his eyes flickered over her shoulder and his jaw clenched. He made a slight movement of his eyes to Danielle to inform her who was coming towards them.

Taking a deep breath, Danielle composed herself and turned around. “Is there anything more you need Ms Swift?” she asked, though keeping the words polite was difficult.

“So you were only after him in the end, that’s a surprise.” She snarked, looking between the pair. “I was right all along.”

“I do not know what you are talking about.” Danielle feigned ignorance. “Mr Windsor and I are merely discussing his client and a future lunch between themselves and myself.”

“He seems to have only one client, and he follows him everywhere like a faithful puppy.”

Luke’s brows rose at Taylor’s comments. Danielle only laughed. “It wouldn’t be a successful PR firm if he had only one client. He has others, one of whom I happen to be a huge fan of, and whom I am working with at present, so with her being on this set, but having to leave early today to facilitate you, and him stuck in a meeting dealing with the premieres for this movie, he is merely relaying her message to me while here.”

Luke stared at Danielle, impressed with how she had concocted a story from thin air and had stated it with such conviction, he had to remind himself for a moment with was fabricated.

Taylor glared at her, “So you expect me to believe you aren’t sniffing around my scraps?”

“I couldn’t give a rat’s ass what you believe or not, it is no concern of mine. My only concern here was that nothing happens anyone on set when shooting, I have done my job, so I am getting ready to go home for the evening, perhaps get some room service, and see what’s on TV.”

“God, you’re boring.”

“Perhaps to you, but I’m happy, and that’s all that I am concerned with.” Danielle smiled, seeing the head of the studio coming, she decided to finish the conversation, even if Taylor didn’t want to. “Have a safe flight to your next destination Ms Swift, and thank you so much for asking for me today.”

Taylor’s nostrils flared at her manner. “What?”

“Well, I thought you would like to know that the money you’ve paid me for this shoot means I can take a month’s break after these few reshoots and spend it with those I love and get a new car, so thank you.” She beamed as the singer stared at her blankly. “You’ve paid for my Christmas and car.” She almost burst out laughing, loving how Taylor seemed to only then realise it was entirely true. “Thank you and safe journeys.” With that, she gave a wave goodbye to her superiors and walked off.

“You lie with too much ease,” Luke commented, having followed her out of earshot.

“I am dating an actor, I work with actors, all I see day and night are lies, people pretending to be people they’re not, people pretending to believe everything they say, you pick it up easy enough.” She commented, going for the exit.

When they came to Luke’s car, he stopped, looking at her for a moment. “I didn’t think I would be saying this, but you may actually be able to survive the gauntlet that being with Tom requires.”

“I hope so, but I’m not always sure. I am so scared of when we are found out.”

“Don’t you want to be with him?” Luke asked, confused.

“Yes, God yes. But it’s not really him and me in this relationship, though, is it? It’s us and every fangirl, gossip rag, and ex-pop girlfriend’s, that’s the worry.”

“If he wasn’t famous, would this be a concern to you? Would you be so sceptical?”

“If Tom worked as, I dunno, what would Tom be if he wasn’t an actor? I suppose something in literature, isn’t that what everyone thinks; then I would actually be happier, and probably not have spent five years of trying to convince myself I wasn’t completely in love with his dorky nutty ass.” She laughed.

“But he is an actor,” Luke commented.

“Yes, and a brilliant one.” Danielle concurred. “But it means we are not allowed be normal, are we? I mean, even you have an internet following, just because of him being him. I am just trying to get used to it Luke, I am doing everything I can to. I love him, I love everything from the fact he seems morbidly afraid of learning how to work a washing machine to the fact that his greatest brag in life is he can cook a breakfast, to even that weird attempt he does at dancing.”

“That fucking dancing.” Luke shook his head, causing Danielle to laugh. “What about the fact he is being seen as getting older now, getting…well, thinner haired.”

“If he heard you.” She scolded. “I guess he is going to get a few more ‘Dad’ roles in the near future, and yes, his hairline is receding a little, but if he turns out as bald as a coot, why would I care, he would still be the same dork that tripped over his own gangly limbs the first day I met him, the same guy that seemed to think it appropriate to make a sex noise because I made his tea right on the first go in my new kitchen, and the same guy who acted as though I gave him the moon when I got him a joke present of Baloo in the Disney store.”

“You really do love him, Tom the person, not the actor.”

“I met Thomas first, Tom came along after, and to be honest, being in the spotlight caused him to become colder, more clammed up in public, which startled me really, but when he is away from that, when he is behind closed doors, he is still the same happy sweet guy, thankfully. I was so scared she had destroyed that, it scared me so much; I wanted to save that part of him. When I fought with him during that relationship, I would have had it that he hate me for eternity than him risking becoming a cold person.” She explained. “Have a good evening Mr Windsor, and I’m truly sorry for any trouble today may cause for you.” She opened her car door and got in, leaving Luke slightly flabbergasted for a moment, before getting into his own car, mulling over her words, knowing that of any attempt Tom had at a relationship in the time they were working together, Danielle was there for the right reasons, and he found himself hoping she would be the one to stick.

[wild3flow3r]

Chapter Sixteen

July 1st

There is one thing Harry Styles has always thought he was exceptionally good at, ignoring his pain. He stopped crying over things at the age of five. At age thirteen, he locked his heart up for only a few people to see. At twenty-two, he vowed to never marry, to never let any woman get close enough to him where they could grab his heart and rip it up into a million little pieces. At age thirty-three, he let Lorelai Sterling have his heart, and then his worst fears came true.

Harry buried himself into his work. He barely slept, he couldn’t eat, and he wouldn’t talk to anyone. For days people have been trying to call him, his mother, Gemma, his uncle even, but he put his phone on silent. There is only one person who he wants to call him, but she never did, and he’s thankful for that because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if she ever does.

It’s midnight now, Harry hasn’t left his desk in hours. His eyes hurt, both from the lack of sleep and from staring at the computer screen for so long, but he doesn’t make a move to leave. He’s been here, in this office, for the past seventeen hours, only leaving for moments to walk around the building in a daze before sitting back down at his desk. Lorelai would have yelled at him. She would’ve lectured him on the importance of a break, but he doesn’t care about that now.

His phone lights up, a new phone call from his mother. He hits the decline. It wasn’t her fault, he knows it’s not her fault, but she was still the bearer of bad news. He just needs some time to accept everything that’s happened. Then a text message comes in.

Doris told me you’re still in your office.

Harry rolls his eyes. Doris is his new secretary, also one of his mother’s closest friends. He told her to go home hours ago, but if he had to guess she’s still sitting out in the hallway at her desk. She wouldn’t leave until he did.

Tell her she can go home.

You should go home too, sweetheart.

I’m busy working on a case.

I’m sure it can wait until the morning.

It can’t.

Harry…

Tell Doris to go home or else she’ll be here for the rest of the night. I’m busy working and I don’t want to hear about this bullshit anymore.

Harry turns his phone off. He’s never cursed at his mum before, usually saves that for his father, but everything made him irritable these last few days. Even something at getting the wrong coffee order, something that never bothered him too much before, set him off like a firecracker. He even nearly fired one of his interns over the matter.

About five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Harry only made a grunt of affirmation at the sound. Doris opens the door and steps in.

“I’ll be leaving for the night, Harry.”

Harry nods, not looking away from his computer. “Alright.” His mother must have somehow gotten through to her, finally, he thinks.

“Call me if you need anything.” Harry nods again, although he knows he won’t.

Doris closes the door and Harry listens as her heels echo down the hall to the elevator. Then he focuses back on the case.

***

It’s three-thirty in the morning by the time Harry finally stumbles into his apartment building. A concierge he’s only seen a few times before sits behind the front desk, nodding a polite hello in Harry’s direction. Right before he reaches the elevator, the concierge calls out.

“Oh, Mister Styles, I almost forgot!” Harry turns around to see the concierge leaning down to pick up a package. “A young woman stopped by today to drop this off for you.”

Harry freezes, even his breathing stops. The concierge gives him a funny look, but says nothing, only holding out the package towards Harry. He doesn’t understand. After they… after what happened in the park Harry had gone to Lorelai’s flat to clean out all of his stuff. What could he have left behind? He swore he got everything out, that way he’d be able to avoid her in the future.

Harry takes the box, saying nothing at all to the man in front of him. Then he steps onto the elevator and goes up to his apartment, his hands shaking as he holds onto the box. When he finally gets inside, he places the box on the kitchen counter and opens it up. Harry puts both of his hands on the counter on either side of the box, saving himself from nearly tipping over. He can’t breathe. Everything inside of him hurts, it physically hurts. He’s so focused on the pain that he doesn’t even feel the tears fall down his cheeks.

The teapot, the one he’d gifted her back in January that he’d taken from his grandmum, she’d given it back to him. The one she’d tried giving him back all those months ago, finally she succeeded. He considers picking it up and tossing it across the room, but just holds himself back from doing so. Then he spots a glint of something at the bottom of the box. Harry reaches in and picks it up, letting the chain fall between his fingers as he inspects it. The necklace he’d given her for her birthday. He clutches it in his palm, pushing it against his heart as if to will time to go back to the second he’d given it to her, to a time when he’d been so happy.

Harry crumbles to the floor on his knees, his shoulders shaking and heaving up sobs. He’d loved her and she was using him. She hated him for the longest time, for pete’s sake, how could he think she could ever love him after that? She couldn’t. She didn’t. Harry stays there until his knees ache, but even then he doesn’t move, not for the longest time.

~

July 23rd

Harry is sat between his grandad and his cousin George, his aunt’s son, on the couch in his parents' living room. It is his grandad’s seventy-sixth birthday and it was required of him to come. He’s still barely spoken to any of his family this last month, but finally they were giving him some time to figure things out for himself. Still, a month ago he’d been planning to invite Lorelai along so she could meet the rest of his family, and he’s bitter now that he has to sit next to his pretentious cousin instead of her.

But she didn’t love you, she didn’t love you, he repeats to himself again and again in his head like a mantra. He does this every time his thoughts would slip to happier times with her. Even still, he’s been wearing the teapot necklace for the last few weeks, keeping it hidden under his shirt and away from other people's views, like their looks would contaminate the jewel.

Harry didn’t even like his grandad that much anyhow. Alexander Styles is Zachary’s father, a right prick just like him too. He never cared for Harry much, always favoring George instead because he’s ‘older, smarter, and has a better head on his shoulders’. Harry’s always preferred his mother’s family. They were always more authentic, caring about the other people in the world, while Alexander and his wife, Rosie, care only about themselves.

Harry glares at George, not even realizing he’s doing it. His wife and two kids are just on the couch right next to them. A perfect family for the perfect boy with the perfect career and the perfect life. Harry’s never stood a chance against George in this family. He’s just a fuck up, they’d say, his father, his grandparents, when they thought he wasn’t listening, but he always was.

Laura’s sat on the chair sitting across from Harry, trying to catch his attention, staring right at him, but he refuses to meet her gaze. Instead he stays silent as conversations erupt all around him. He’d rather be at work, at least then he’d be able to focus his thoughts on something else. His mood lifts, just the tiniest bit, when his niece Isabel runs out of the kitchen towards him, sitting herself on his lap.

“Hello, love,” Harry leans down to whisper into her ear, running his hands through her hair.

“Hi Uncle Harry,” she grins up to him, nuzzling the side of her face against his chest.

“Do you want to play a game?” It would get him out of the room, away from the people he doesn’t particularly care for, and away from his mother’s gaze.

Isabel nods, her curls bouncing from her excitement. “Can we go outside and play?”

Harry stands up, holding Isabel at his waist. “Of course we can.”

As Harry opens the door to the backyard he spots Daniel stumbling over towards them. He grabs onto his hand and leads both of them to the small playhouse Laura had installed for them a while back. He spends the next two hours with them, playing school and family and anything else Isabel can think of, and nobody comes outside to bother them. Harry’s thankful, and the only reason they stop playing and head back inside is because of the small drizzle that’s started across the sky.

“I’ve got to go to the restroom, but I’ll be right back, okay?”

Both kids nod, but they’d become so tired that both of them looked about ready for a nap. Harry leaves them in the living room with the others before traveling upstairs. He needs a few minutes to regain his bearings, and he knows no one will interrupt him if he uses the bathroom upstairs. He travels down the hall of his childhood home, a place that at times felt like such a prison, but then he pushes down those feelings as well.

Harry goes to twist the knob of the bathroom door, but a conversation in a room across the hall freezes him in his tracks, his blood turning cold at the words.

“They broke up because of us. He’s hurt because of us.” That was his Uncle Xavier.

“You know-” His mother starts.

“She didn’t do anything wrong. She made him happy, for once in the longest time, he was happy, and we’ve ruined it. How can you live with that? I can’t!”

“Keep your voice down,” Laura hushed him. “We did what’s best for him, remember that.”

“You’re starting to sound like my parents,” Xavier scoffs.

“What?” Laura shoots back, her voice clearly offended at the accusation.

“You’re not doing what’s best for him, you’re doing what’s best for you.”

“I don’t know what you're talking about.”

“You keep on saying you don’t want to tell Harry because you don’t think he can handle the truth, when really it’s you who can’t handle the truth. We had an affair, Laura. We have a son together. And we let my parents make the decisions for us, we let them ruin several peoples lives, ours and Harry’s, Zachary’s even, so they can keep their perfect life in tact. We’re just as terrible as we used to think they were.”

“Shut up, Xavier,” Laura spits out. “You’re speaking nonsense.”

“I’m telling the truth because apparently I’m the only one in this goddamn family who can. We have to tell Harry. We have to tell him everything.”

Harry doesn’t remember doing it, but somehow he stood himself in front of the bedroom door, his parents' bedroom door, and pushes it open. Xavier and Laura were only a few feet away from the door, and both of them stare at him in shock.

“Tell me what?” Harry barks out, much louder than he intended, but he didn’t frankly care.

“Harry-” Laura whispers.

“Tell me what,” He says again, although this time it comes out as more of a demand.

Laura starts sobbing while she stares at her son. “I’m sorry.”

“What did you guys do?” He turns towards Xavier now, becoming extremely annoyed at the lack of an answer.

“We need to talk-”

“Fuck you,” his hands ball at his sides into fists. He wants to punch something, someone, so badly in this moment.

“This isn’t the time-” Laura finally chokes out.

“When is the right time then, Laura? He’s obviously heard enough.”

“Maybe not!” Laura screeches in denial. “Harry, baby, what did you hear?” She reaches out to press a hand to her cheek, but he steps back and pushes her arm away.

“Just that you two fucked and had a baby together,” Harry snarls, his crude words making Laura flinch. “That’s why Zachary hates me. That’s why everyone hates me except you guys and Gemma. God, does Gemma know?”

“No, of course not!” Laura cries.

“What happened with Lorelai?”

“She… She was using you for money, you saw the emails-”

“Enough, Laura. Tell him the goddamn truth! For the first time in your life, stop lying to him.”

“I… I can’t.”

“Someone better tell me the fucking truth.”

It’s silent for a beat, then Xavier speaks up when Laura won’t. “She caught us, that day last month that the two of you broke up. She was going to tell you, that’s why she wanted to meet up with you. I’m sorry Harry, I really am, but we made some emails, I’ve got access to her work email, we were scared and we weren’t ready to tell you yet. God, I’m so sorry.” Xavier starts crying now, only a few tears, although it was obvious he was holding back more. “We didn’t mean-”

“Fuck you. Fuck both of you! At least Zachary always told me he hated me, he always made his feelings clear, but what the two of you did… And I’m not even talking about the affair. I could’ve gotten over that, but this… What you caused between me and Lorelai, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you for that.”

Harry turns on his heel, turning away from his mother and.. and... father, with the full intent on never speaking to either of them ever again, or at least not for a very long time. He’s quick on his feet, but makes sure to slam his feet on every step down the stairs. 

He looks around, everyone’s staring at him, obviously having heard the conversation from above. Gemma and her husband are the only two that look surprised, everyone else must have known. They knew and they never considered telling him. Zachary is waiting for Harry at the end of the stairs. Harry isn’t sure what’s taken over him, if it’s the years of verbal abuse he’s taken from the man or the whole ordeal he went through upstairs, but at one second he’s standing next to Zachary, and the next he’s got him pinned up against the wall.

Zachary doesn’t move, not even to speak. He stays completely still, like he’s been waiting Harry’s entire life for this moment, like he knew one day the secret would come out.

“You let Mom and Uncle Xavier beat you to it, Dad,” Harry growled, his face right next to Zachary’s.

“Beat me to what?” Zachary whispers.

“Fucking breaking me.” He pushes against Zachary’s chest one last time before heading towards the door. Gemma’s next to him in a second.

“Harry,” she’s crying now too. “Harry, where are you going?” she grabs a hold of his hand, but he shakes her off.

“I’ve got to talk to Lorelai. Fucking fuck, I’ve got to go see Lorelai.”

“Harry-” Laura calls out, she and Xavier just having come down the stairs as well.

“Don’t fucking talk to me. Nobody in this goddamn house right now better talk to me ever again unless you're Gemma.” With that, Harry opens the front door and slams it behind him, running at breakneck speed to get to his car.

Forty minutes, it’s the longest forty minutes of Harry’s life as he drives to Lorelai’s flat. She’d tried to tell him, he remembers her trying to tell him, but he had kept on cutting her off. He was so focused on what his mother had told him, a woman who he trusted with his life, and she used that trust against him. How the fuck was he ever going to make this up to Lorelai? It's been almost a month since they’ve last spoken, he never tried to contact her, and the only time he heard anything from her was when he’d gotten that box.

He skids to a stop in front of Lorelai’s flat. He practically jumps out of the car before jogging up the walkway and then the few stairs to her front door. His heart is pounding in his chest, every inch of skin feels like it’s on fire. He can’t feel the rain pouring down on him, can’t feel it soak his clothes and run down his face. He knocks. There’s no answer. He knocks again. Still, there’s no sound at all on the other side of the door.

Harry peaks through the small window on the door. He should’ve been seeing her coat rack with all of her favorite jackets hung up, a small table with pictures of her and her family on top with a small pot of flowers, her favorite shoes littered next to the table, but he didn’t. None of it was there.

Lorelai wasn’t there anymore.

[claudia1829things]

"CAMILLE" (1936) Review

"CAMILLE" (1936) Review I am about to confess to something many might regard as sacrilegious. I have never regarded Greta Garbo as one of my favorite actresses from the Golden Age of Hollywood. I had nothing against her . . . personally. But I realized that I could barely recall any of her movies that were personal favorites of mine. Because of this, I was very reluctant to do a re-watch of one of Garbo's most famous films, "CAMILLE".

Produced by Irving Thalberg and directed by George Cukor, "CAMILLE" is based upon the 1848 novel and 1852 play "La Dame aux Camélias" ("The Lady with the Camellias") by Alexandre Dumas, fils. The movie told the story of Marguerite Gautier, a woman of low-class birth who rose to become one of Paris' top courtesans. Debt-ridden from helping friends and suffering from tuberculosis, Marguerite hopes to attract the attention of an aristocrat named Baron de Varville as her next "client" at the opera. However, just as she manages to attract the Baron's attention, Marguerite meets a young member of the bourgeois gentry named Armand Duval and instant attraction flares up between them. The attraction eventually develops into love. But external influences - including Marguerite's debts - threatens their potential for happiness. I have not seen "CAMILLE" in a long time. A long time. There is a good chance I have not seen it since I was in my early twenties. But something . . . I have no idea what . . . led me to watch this film after so many years. In the end, the only regret that I managed to feel was that I had ignored this movie for so long. Did I have any problems with "CAMILLE"? Perhaps a few. I noticed that the movie's narrative began in 1847 and ended roughly a year later. I think. Considering the story's setting, I found it surprising that the narrative never touched upon the political upheavals that swept throughout Europe between early 1848 and early 1849. In France, the upheaval was known as the French Revolution of 1848. During this event, the French king Louis Philippe I was overthrown in February 1848. Four months later, many Parisian workers had unsuccessfully risen in insurrection against the conservative Second Republic government. I realize that "CAMILLE" is not a political movie. But considering the film's setting and the fact that one character had plans for a diplomatic career (Armand Duval) and another was a wealthy aristocrat (Baron de Varville), I found odd that the topic of political upheaval was never touched upon. I also had mixed feelings about the costumes created by legendary Hollywood designer, Adrian. I realize that the man had a reputation for creating some of Hollywood's most memorable and famous costumes. But . . . I do not know. Oh, yes I do. I think Adrian should have stuck to modern day costumes. His period costumes were not bad. Some of them have actually impressed me. A good example would be this particular costume from "CAMILLE" - namely Marguerite's dark velvet riding habit:

I also admired how Adrian managed to re-capture the fashion for men during the 1840s:

On the other hand, I had problems with some of the gowns worn by Greta Garbo, like the one shown in the image below:

I was inclined to complain about the sequins featured in the costumes, but I discovered that they had been worn as part of fashion for thousands of years - including the 19th century. But I have other problems with the above costumes. One, they looked as if they came from some cheap costume warehouse. And two, Garbo looked as if she was about to be consumed by the voluminous amount of material used to create those gowns. Or could it be that Garbo lacked the figure for the fashions of the mid 19th-century? No . . . I do not believe that is a good excuse. I am certain that Western women of the 1840s came in different shapes and sizes as they do today. It is possible that Adrian had simply failed to design Garbo's costumes in a way that would fit her perfectly. As a high-priced courtesan, Marguerite Gautier had the funds to purchase a wardrobe filled with clothes tailored to fit her. I do not think that Adrian took the time to fit Garbo's costumes. Or perhaps she did not give him the time. Otherwise, I cannot think of any other complaints about "CAMILLE". If I must be brutally honest, I think it is one of the best love stories I have ever seen in a motion picture, hands down. Ever. I was surprised that Alexandre Dumas fils, the son of the man who had written classics such as "The Three Musketeers" and "The Count of Monte Cristo", had written "La Dame aux Camélias" when he was roughly 23 years old. And screenwriters James Hilton, Zoë Akins and Frances Marion did a superb job in adapting Dumas' story. "CAMILLE" could have easily developed into one of those sappy love stories in which only external forces stood in the lovers' way. And yes, Dumas' tale featured those "forces" that stood in the way of Marguerite and Armand's relationship - Baron Varville, Marguerite's bank account, her friends and Armand's father. But there were other forces in play. Namely, Marguerite and Armand. Between her passive aggressive personality, penchant for evading the truth and an inability to handle her finances; Marguerite had put herself into a situation that made it nearly impossible to have a genuine romance with Armand, let alone anyone. And poor Armand. I could say that he was completely faultless in this romance. But he was not. Armand was naive, hot-tempered, rash and a bit too stubborn and proud for his own good. Considering the state of her health, I do not believe Marguerite's romance with Armand was destined to last very long. However, I feel that it were not for their personal flaws, the pair could have enjoyed more time together than they actually had. Many still regard Greta Garbo's performance as Marguerite Gautier as her finest performance. As I had hinted earlier in this review, I have only seen less than a handful of Garbo's movies. But I cannot deny that she gave a brilliant performance as the cynical, yet warm-hearted courtesan. Although Garbo was a healthy looking woman most of her life, I do admire how she utilized body language and facial expressions to convey Marguerite's questionable health and languid lifestyle. I have always suspected that Robert Taylor was one of the most underrated actors in Hollywood history. He had been in Hollywood for two years by the time he shot "CAMILLE". Many critics tend to focus on Garbo's performance when discussing the movie. As I had pointed out, she gave a superb performance. But so did Taylor, as Armand. He did an excellent job in conveying Armand's character from a very naive young man to someone who is a bit more cynical and mature. And yet, Taylor made sure to retain Armand's temper and stubbornness. Another excellent performance came from Henry Daniell, who portrayed Marguerite's "client", Baron Varville. Daniell not only skillfully conveyed Varville's cool and arrogant nature, but also the character's slight infatuation with Marguerite and the pain he experienced in facing the reality of Marguerite's true feelings for him. Laura Hope Crewes, famous for her role in the 1939 Best Picture winner, "GONE WITH THE WIND", gave a very entertaining performance as one of Marguerite's closest friends, a veteran courtesan named Prudence Duvernoy. It is a shame that Crewes never earned an Oscar nomination for her performance. Her Prudence is a skillful mixture of friendly warmth and a mercenary nature. "CAMILLE" also featured first-rate performances from the likes of Lionel Barrymore, Rex O'Malley, Leonore Ulric, Jessie Ralph and Elizabeth Allan. I was astounded to learn that "CAMILLE" had earned only one Academy Award nomination - Greta Garbo for Best Actress. And she lost to Luise Rainer's performance in "THE GREAT ZIEGFELD" . . . much to the surprise of the Hollywood community. Hell, I am not only shocked that "THE GREAT ZIEGFELD" had also won Best Picture, I am flabbergasted that "CAMILLE" did not even earn a Best Picture nomination, along with nominations for the leading actor, a screenplay nomination or a Best Direction nod for George Cukor. How did this travesty happen? A superb movie like "CAMILLE"? The discovery of the limited amount of acclaim that "CAMILLE" had earned back in late 1936/1937 really convinced me how irrelevant that the Academy Awards truly are. Thankfully, movie fans still have the movie to enjoy for years to come, thanks to George Cukor's superb direction; a great screenplay by the likes of James Hilton, Zoë Akins and the legendary Frances Marion; and a superb cast led by the iconic Greta Garbo and the excellent Robert Taylor.