#I swear sometimes our body just randomly switches shit up when it comes to our migraine symptoms

[thethingything]

I'm used to migraines causing weird symptoms and I'm used to getting pretty bad nausea with them but what the fuck is going on with us randomly getting chills and occasionally just getting hit with very sudden very intense nausea that leads to me dry heaving for like 5 minutes for no fucking reason?

we also got the kind of prodrome symptoms that usually mean we're about to get the kind of migraine where all we can do is lay down in the dark because it completely wipes us out, but instead we've had 2 of the typical migraines we'd get maybe every few days in autumn, and what we initially interpreted as prodrome symptoms have just continued the entire time, plus we've had the weird sudden nausea and whatnot and I have no idea what the fuck is going on at this point

[moon-nymphet]

NSFW HC for the Haikyuu guys? :)

hell y e s (I’ve selected a few of the boys as you didn’t ask for any in particular)

(btw i’d really like to do more nsfw headcanons for the boys so be a kind soul and request it hheheh)

☆ Oikawa

our flat ass (sorry i love him but) has a high af sex drive. Press any button and he’s activated in less than a second 

definitely a switch, he told me himself. Toruu likes to be in control most of the times because he’s a cocky ass but some other times he also loves to see what are you capable of doing to him

the perfect time for a good fuck is after he wins a match, the boy feels as an invincible god and his self esteem is high enough to make you feel an universe of different things 

we all know he’s an expert on being a tease, but the truth being said, Oikawa is a simp for you and if you try to tease him in the least he’ll be at his knees for you (you can take that as you want) 

probably has a pain kink, idk why but I imagine him being a sucker for when you scratch his back or bite him 

a complete moaning mess and not ashamed of it, Toruu won’t supress his emotions at all and he knows how and when to do it for you to combust 

even though he’s mostly a dom, things can get romantic sometimes 

just sometimes, don’t get too excited about it

not much of a dirty talker but being the arrogant ass he is, he likes to hear how much you like to take his cock, and he’ll do anything to get those words out of your mouth 

don’t wear his Aoba Johsai hoodie next to him if you don’t wanna be stripped off in a matter of seconds and fucked wherever you are

I warn you, what you are about to read may hurt, but Oikawa has not a colossal dick as you may have thought, he’s more on the thick side of the story 

prefers to receive than to give, but he’ll always do it for you, just to see the thousand of expressions on your face

his reactions when he’s in your mouth are priceless, I swear to god there’s nothing hotter than Toruu when you are blowing him

☆ Daichi 

ik this is a lame joke but: dadchi. Do I have to explain myself?

yes i do 

has kind of a daddy kink??? he wasn’t aware of it until you made him realize 

super ashamed of admiting it at first but when you randomly called him daddy during sex he went 😈 mode 

you’ve literally never seen him as excited as he was in that moment, his thrust pace sped up to 150% and suddenly you found his hand pulling your hair 

“say that again babygirl” you heard his husky voice next to your ear

and of course you said it again

when you keep the word “daddy” out of the game he’s super sweet, he’ll probably give you the most romantic sex ever, full of affectionate gestures and caresses 

likes to keep your sexual life as a private thing despite of Noya and Tanaka asking him every single day how it feels to fuck a Goddess 

wouldn’t mind having a threesome (????) but just with a really close friend such as Suga or Asahi, seeing your face while being pleasured twice times the regular makes him so curious

his fav position is doggystyle if he’s in dom mood, even though he doesn’t get full view of your face he can do so much to you in that pose (such as spanking or choking 🥵)

Daichi completely loses it when you start acting all innocent around him, i swear to god that man would do all kind of impure acts to your body if you look at him innocently and blink two times 

king of aftercare, super caring about your well being if he has been rough with you 

sometimes you take a shower together after it and I can’t assure you things aren’t going to get steamy again under the water 

☆ Kuroo 

first things first, this boy has the filthiest mouth you’ve ever seen in your entire life

I mean he vocalizes everything that comes to his mind during sex, and he won’t be afraid to tell you how bad he wants to see you swallowing it or how pretty you look when you suck him off 

loves receiving oral sex but it’s a master at it too, Kuroo’s tongue does miracles down there and will probably take his time to eat you out before he starts with the serious business

you don’t know how he does it but he’s always able to make you squirt several times only with his fingers, the first time it happened you were abit ashamed but when you saw the delighted smirk on his lips it all vanished

always, and when I say always, I mean ALWAYS, teasing you in public and around other people, either by touching you discreetly in places he shouldn’t or by whispering things in your ear unexpectedly 

Kuroo can’t hold his dick in his pants when you appear in front of him wearing nothing but a black and lacey lingerie set

he’ll literally pounce on you and rip it off you in the act, leaving you naked and vulnerable just for him to do what you let him with your body

ride him if you wanna see Kuroo going sicko mode

he’ll throw his head back almost ecstatic and grip your butt tighter than ever

“shit babe... just like that, keep going” 

lets out the deepest groans you’ll ever hear, encouraging you and giving you confidence to fuck him as if you actually knew what you were doing and you weren’t just a moaning mess 

Kuroo’s big dick energy isn’t just a facade, it’s just the truth

[ultsracha]

Soulmate Chan (skz)

Request: Maybe could it be an Imagine where you are soulmates with Chan and like switch bodies randomly? A/N: Thanks for requesting love, I know that this kinda of went off the request but I got carried away heh, its super long and I’m sorry but I hope you enjoy! Thank you to the wonderful @trixareforlix for helping me with ideas! <3  Summary: everyone has a soulmate and everyone has a different experience when they finally touch their soulmate. Yours just happened to be a little more extreme than everyone else.  Warnings: Swearing, very, very, very mild angst for like .2 seconds

soul mates were always a mystery to you

most people on earth had one

and the stories you heard of how they knew the other person was their soul mate were always strange 

the majority of the people you met who’d found their soulmate had pretty normal experiences 

like hugging the other person and feeling the entire world heat up for 3 seconds before fading away

or your parents story when your mum was working at a cafe and handed your father his change and ever so gently touched his hand with hers

and the feeling of electricity that flowed between them that they both said lasted for what seemed like weeks 

but there some stories that were more extreme than just a feeling

a story broke the news of a young pair who both flew 6 feet in the air when they nudged hands while walking down the street 

or the soul mates who’s eyes changed colour when they bumped into each other on the street 

sometimes people knew as soon as they found each other

other people had to use social media after realising they must have accidentally touched their soul mate on the street and not felt anything

you had yet to find your other half 

not that you minded all too much

the idea of what could possibly happen when you meet them makes you,,,, nervous

chances were you’d feel some kind of amazing feeling in your whole body and then you’d know who you’d be destined to be with forever

everyone else in your family had similar whole body feelings of warmth of electricity or like being full of water 

Even your younger sister found her soulmate during a sports day relay race in school 

So now you just go about your business trying your best not to touch people as you go 

It’s a boring Friday evening when everything decides to changes

Your phone rings halfway through a movie and it’s your best friend

“Hey, there’s this really cool group that’s performing at work tonight please come and see them” they whine through the phone 

You internally sigh and agree because well

it’s time you saw the real world not just work and your apartment 

So you get dressed again and walk to the bar, signs plaster every wall and lamp post for a group called ‘3racha’ 

When you get there the stage is all set up and people are already filling up the from of the stage 

you just walk over to your friend and linger around the bar until they have a spare moment to come talk

“so, did you hear them do soundcheck or anything? are they good?” you ask over a vodka lemonade

“Yes!” they literally squeal, “there’s three guys, one of them has this super sexy Australian accent. You’re gonna love him” they’re practically bouncing at this point 

So maybe this night wouldn’t be a total bust because cuties on stage

You really thought it would be some old guys with guitars but after another 20 minutes waiting and 2 more drinks

3racha were on stage and well

let me tell you something

fucking incredible 

they had so much energy and passion and every song was powerful

all three boys were undeniably handsome 

but the leader was something ELSE 

your friend was right about the accent, it was beautiful 

and that angelic face that goes from smiling to deadly serious in a second 

holy shit someone was one lucky person to have him as their soulmate

You learned their names, Changbin, Jisung and finally Chan

by the end of their songs and some surprisingly funny dad jokes from Chan

you were going to follow them on their social media because they were so, so good 

When they finally said their goodbyes you were right at the front of the crowd by the stage 

Chan waving and smiling while hopping up and down 

Until the moment he missed the edge of the stage 

and fell 

everything happened in slow motion and the look on his face as he flew to the ground was priceless

No one could catch him before he landed 

Right on top of you 

His whole body crushing into yours in a second

You would’ve screamed if it weren’t for the strange feeling that filled up your whole body

Like you were filled with sparkling water 

Or how TV static must feel 

You closed your eyes as the feeling crept up to your head and braced for what would follow

Honestly it just seemed like Chan killed you and this was what death felt like 

And then you were being yanked from the floor and heard a female voice groaning on the floor

“Chan mate what the fuck are you doing trying to kill fans?” a very, very angry Jisung is holding your shoulders and shaking

“I think you picked up the wrong survivor” you mumble, raising your arm to brush through your hair 

You hand quickly passes through the amount of hair on your head

Hang on a minute

With a heart full of dread you turn to look at where Chan was supposed to be lying on the floor from where he fell and see 

Yourself

You’re looking down at yourself with wide eyes

You are also looking back up at yourself with wider eyes 

“Is this what it’s like to be dead?” You ask, turning back to look at Jisung

“Chan what are you talking about, also help the poor girl up” He growls, walking round you and helping your other self up 

“No, I’m Chan” your other self says while looking you up and down

“And I’m Y/N” you reply 

Everyone in the bar is just standing around looking at you with shock and confusion 

“Let’s go. Now” Changbin appears from nowhere and grabs you and your other selves arm and drags you to a backroom

As you walk more things seem different than before

Everything seems slightly lower down than usual 

Your clothes feel, loose 

So, naturally you look down to examine your outfit because when you left the house it was NOT this baggy 

even more panic sets in when you see a plain tshirt and baggy tracksuit bottoms 

When you get into the room Changbin forces you and other you to sit down on a sofa next to each other

“Right. So what in flying fuck is going on here then?” Jisung asks 

“It’s pretty clear what’s happened, they body swapped” Changbin sighs back 

“Hold on a minute..” You start saying before clasping a hand over your mouth

That accent 

Slowly removing your hand from your mouth and looking at it in more detail it finally sinks in

You’re not in your own body 

your own hands were not this big, and you certainly didn’t have the money for these nice rings 

Which means you swapped with Chan

“OH MY GOD THEY’RE SOULMATES” Changbin yells while slapping Jisungs chest with excitement 

This means 2 things: 

1) Chan is your soulmate and you’re not about to complain

2) You, for the time being, are stuck in Chan’s body

“Holy shit...” Chan whispers from next to you 

“Uh, it’s nice to meet you I guess” you sigh twisting to face Chan 

“Nice to meet you too.... I don’t mean anything by it but when do you reckon we can get our own bodies back?” He asks, rubbing the back of his neck nervously 

“I’m not going to lie, I have no idea how to solve this problem, I guess it’s just how long the universe wants to keep us like this” You reply, looking at your own body 

That outfit really was cute 

“How long did you family members take for their match to finish?” Changbin asks cautiously 

“My parents had a feeling which lasted for like 3 weeks...” You mumble awkwardly knowing that this would not be a popular answer 

They all groaned and Jisung stormed out of the room moodily 

“He’s just worried about out shows and new music we need to finish it’s nothing personal” Chan explains, patting your knee sympathetically 

That’s when the whole situation dawned on you

Your job, your family, you friends 

You’d have to explain what was happening 

Which would mean explaining to your family you’d finally found your soulmate 

The entire situation was just proving more and more stressful and just as you were getting caught up in your thoughts

Chan patted your knee again this time keeping his hand there gently 

“It’s okay, there have been worse matches happen before. Remember the couple on the news that caused a fire in a bus stop a few weeks ago?” 

You snort in reply before looking up at him 

It was weird seeing your own face looking at you

“Maybe we should do some research on if this has happened before and how they managed to get back in their own bodies” Chan explains as he stands up and grabs his bag before grabbing his phone and sitting back down

He doesn’t seem to mind touching because he sits with his leg pressed against yours on the sofa 

It was nice and comforting despite only knowing him for a few minutes 

After some digging and whining about not having a thumb print on his phone from your thumb 

You found a website which explained a couple from New Zealand had swapped bodies for 5 days before returning to their original body when they found their soul mate 

“So I guess we just have to wait this out then...” You sigh, standing up 

“How are we gonna do this? Do we need to see your parents?” Chan asks 

“No no no no no, not yet, this will be too weird to explain right now especially because we met today...” You quickly rush to explain 

Chan quirks an eyebrow but doesn’t argue

“Well can you at least stay at my place tonight? I want to get to know you more” he asks 

If it had been any other person, any other day you would have said no but this is your soul mate

The person the universe knows you’re perfect for 

So you agree and part ways briefly to get your things to stay over and then walk to his apartment 

Which is just down the road from yours 

His apartment is messy but empty all at the same time

His bedroom consisting of a mattress on the floor and a desk with recording equipment 

“I just moved in like 3 months ago and we’ve been super busy with music and performing I haven’t had a chance to like get any furniture” He mumbles, placing blankets and pillows on the sofa for you

You just nod in reply and sit down

The reality really has sunk in 

This is your soulmate 

You’re in his freaking BODY 

And you have no idea how to get OUT 

The evening goes pretty smooth 

Talking about where you grew up, favourite foods, movies you enjoy 

The universe must know what it’s doing because the more you talk the more you realise Chan is really a genuine and kind man

With very similar interests and thoughts as you

You both fall asleep on the sofa together watching a movie 

Sadly as morning came about you were both still trapped inside each others bodies 

You made breakfast for Chan out of the very limited food in the fridge and vowed to buy him some decent food before you had to plan what was going to happen tonight 

3racha were performing tonight 

It was the biggest venue they’d ever played before and well, it was important 

You knew none of their lyrics, had no rapping skills and well couldn’t think of anything more terrifying than performing on stage

“Look, I can teach you lyrics and Changbin and Jisung can do the majority of it and if anyone asks its because you’re ill” Chan repeats again

“But Chan, I can’t rap, I suck at this.” You sulk, lying on his bedroom floor

“You’re in my body Y/N. You have my mouth and my voice. You can do it! It’s just confidence and knowing the lyrics” 

And so, you let him teach

It was hard, very very hard but by the end of the day you knew enough lyrics to pass as Chan 

But that didn’t change the rock in your stomach and the feeling of terror as you paced back stage waiting 

“Y/N it’s okay you can do this just remember the stuff we learnt and keep smiling” Chan was rubbing your arm reassuringly 

“Don’t mess this up, please. You have no idea how big this is for us.” Jisung snarks as he stands next to you 

He has done nothing but make you feel more nervous all day 

“Look. It’s not my fault I swapped bodies with Chan okay? I didn’t ask for this and I’m sorry we couldn't fix it but being an asshole isn’t going to make me perform any better. You’re lucky I even bothered to try.” You reply with as much conviction as your shaky voice would let you

Jisung looks amused and replies while smirking;

“Chan, she’s fiery. I’m glad your soul mate has some sass to her” before walking away

As much as that makes you smile you can’t shake the nerves 

“Chan I’m so scared, I don’t want to mess this up for you” You’re nearly crying at this point

Your hands wont stop shaking 

“Even if it’s not good I don’t care, I found my soulmate and that’s way more important to me than a show. If you’re feeling that worried we can say that I got food poisoning or something” Chan explains, taking both of your hands in his

“No no no I’ll perform because I don’t want to let you down or do anything to damage your career. It’ll be okay but thank you for caring so much” 

Tears are streaming down your face as Chan brings you into a hug 

He just holds you there in his arms in a super weird hug that’s kinda uncomfortable because you forgot you’re in Chans body so you’re like a head taller than yourself 

He obviously forgot he’s a head smaller because he’s in your body and you ended up weirdly holding each other

But it was nice and you could feel your heart beat racing

A warm feeling spreading through your body making you never ever want to let go

It felt like an eternity before you pulled away and opened your eyes 

To see Chan’s face in front of yours 

You look down and see your own body 

“Did we just?” Chan asks in disbelief 

“We did” You grin, wrapping your arms round his neck for another hug

Which works out perfectly this time

“GUYS WE SWAPPED BACK” Chan screams 

“Thank fuck for that” Jisung gasps, hugging Chan tightly 

“We have to go Chan quickly” Changbin rushes before pushing them both 

“Let’s go on a date when this is over yeah?” Chan grins as he’s being pushed by Changbin 

“Of course!” You have to shout because he’s so far down the hallway 

The performance is amazing, as expected 

Chan sends you winks and pulls cute faces the whole time 

When they’re done you meet him back stage 

He pulls you into a sweaty hug and kisses the top of your head 

And despite only knowing him for a day you loved the feeling

Changbin and Jisung were buzzing with happiness over how well they did 

“Chan let’s all go out to celebrate!” Changbin beams 

“I can’t tonight, I said I’d take Y/N on a date...” Chan explains, draping an arm around your shoulder 

“Let’s all go out together, we should definitely celebrate.” You interject, the last thing you wanted was to take Chan away from his best friends after such an important milestone for them

His smile told you everything you needed to know about his feelings as you all got ready to go out together 

Chan was perfect, polite and sweet to you and every single thing he did made you smile 

The universe knew whats up when it gave you your soulmate 

[carry-the-sky]

karen runs.

(for the lovely @thestarsbeyondthestorms and @edourado​, who requested ‘things you said with too many miles between us’ and ‘things you said on the phone at 4am’. UH THIS PROMPT COMBO. RIP ME. also posted on ao3.)

She’s had a bag packed since Fisk moved out of prison and into the penthouse. All she has to do is use it.

.

.

There are flowers, on the kitchen table. White roses. Not the ones he’d given her, but they may as well be. She can’t buy flowers anymore without thinking of him.

They catch her eye as she’s hugging Foggy, and she feels the breath leave her lungs, swooping out in the space between heartbeats. Tensile strength, she thinks. Kevin was taking AP Physics the year he died, the year she killed him. She remembers helping him study. Ultimate tensile strength, he’d recited from his flashcards, measured by the maximum amount of stress an object can withstand without breaking —

Karen leaves, and doesn’t look back.

.

.

She uses her credit card to buy a southbound bus ticket to Baltimore, hopes the paper trail will buy her a little time. Fisk and his goons have probably already started sniffing her out, but she’ll be long gone by the time they catch on.

She’s heard the Rockies are beautiful this time of year.

.

.

The plan is to lay low. The plan is to limit contact with other people, as much as possible. The plan is —

“This seat is — taken?”

Karen glances up. The woman staring down at her from the aisle reminds her sharply of Mrs. Cardenas — same toothy smile, same hopeful eyes, and Karen feels like her chest cavity has been scooped hollow.

“Uh — no,” she hears herself say. “Not taken.”

Karen left a lot behind in New York, but her inquisitive tendencies have stuck. It’s not long before she knows more than she probably should about her seatmate — Sofía Rosales, sixty-seven years young, three grandchildren with a fourth on the way. She talks with her hands and very kindly doesn’t laugh at Karen’s mangled Spanish. Karen likes her immediately, and that’s when the sirens start going off in her head, that’s when everything starts spiraling. She ruins everyone she touches, no matter her intentions, even when she tries to be kind and good, even when she tries to do the right thing it all goes wrong —

(That’s what you do, Karen. That’s what you do.)

She switches seats in the middle of the night and doesn’t talk to Mrs. Rosales again.

.

.

Karen ditched her phone before she left, but she has a few numbers memorized. Ellison, Matt, Foggy, home.

David Lieberman.

She’s not sure why his number stuck, but it’s there, burned into her hippocampus. Just one of the many details she learned about him while digging for info for Frank.

She has an hour to herself in the station in Columbus, where she’s transferring buses, so she slides into the nearest coffee shop and fidgets with the burner in her pocket, to give her hands something to do. Flips it open, then shut again. Open, shut.

She thinks of the elevator — him leaning into her, closing his eyes and aligning his breath with hers, all those unsaid things in that quiet cocoon of space — and laughs aloud.

And she sort of owes him, right? For saving her life. She owes it to him to let him know it wasn’t for nothing, that she is, in fact, still breathing.

There’s an open single seat in the very back of the new bus. She sinks into it, waits until they’re on the highway again before punching in David’s number with shaking fingers.

“Hello?”

It takes a second for her lungs to catch up with her brain. “Hello, David?” she croaks. “Is this David Lieberman?”

There’s a slight pause. “Who’s calling?”

She should hang up, now. Trash the burner, never, ever, do something this fucking stupid ever again —

“Karen?”

Every muscle in her body tenses. He sounds uncertain, but there’s something about his voice, even over the phone. Something layered beneath. Karen doesn’t know much about this guy, but he seems like the type of person who wouldn’t ask a question he doesn’t already know the answer to.

She blows out a breath. “Yes. Jesus, you’re good.”

“Holy shit. Holy— shit, it’s good to hear from you.”

“I guess you know why I’m calling, then.”

"Yeah,” David huffs out a laugh, “yeah, I have a pretty good idea. I gotta tell you, Karen, our mutual friend has been, ahh, more of a pain in the ass than usual, as of late. I’m sure you can relate.”

She’s gripping the phone so tightly her tendons are starting to burn. There’s breath somewhere in her body, right? Beneath her ribs, maybe, threaded through the struts of bone. She just has to find it. Just take a breath, Karen, just one.

“Our — friend,” she says carefully, past the lump in her trachea. “I need you to let him know that I’m okay. I’m just taking some time, away from the city. But I’m alright. If you could tell Fra —” she squeezes her eyes shut. “If you could tell him that, I would really appreciate it.”

“Karen, hey —”

“Thanks, David,” she says, and hangs up.

.

.

She’s fine.

.

.

After two nights on the bus, Karen decides she needs some actual sleep. She finds the cheapest motel she can and collapses once she’s in the room, asleep before she can even take off her coat or shoes.

She dreams about Fisk, then Kevin, and jolts awake long before the sun comes up.

There’s a pad of paper in the nightstand. You’re okay, she scribbles out, over and over.

You’re okay.

.

.

He’s never far from her thoughts. She knew she wouldn’t miss him like she misses Matt and Foggy — he exists in her mind in splinters, a kaleidoscope of sounds and images and feelings that she can’t quite piece together. She knows who Frank Castle is from a distance. It’s when she looks closer that everything gets blurry.

.

.

She cycles through her burners. The one she’d used to call David stays in the bottom of her duffel. She hasn’t turned it back on since then, but she can’t make herself get rid of it, either.

She calls Foggy, once, in a moment of weakness. The line rings and rings and she hangs up before he can answer.

She wonders if loneliness can actually kill someone.

.

.

They ride the bus with her, sometimes.

Kevin pops up the most. The first time, he’s hunched over his guitar, the one mom had given him before she died. He’s picking the strings randomly, strumming chords to life that Karen swears she’s never heard before.

“Stop showing off,” she jabs.

“Hey, it’s not my fault you don’t have a musical bone in your body,” he smiles, not looking up.

“Ouch. Where’d you learn to be so mean, kid?”

Now he snaps his eyes up. “I’m not a kid.” 

You are, she thinks. You’re just a kid, you’re so, so young. Your whole life is there, just waiting for you to fill it —

Paxton visits occasionally. He never says anything, just sits and stares out the window. They’re driving through Kansas now, nothing but grass and plains for the past day and a half. Karen wonders if her father is thinking what she’s thinking when he looks out, if he’s wondering what it would be like walk off into the sun and dust, feet to the horizon.

“Hey.”

(It says something about the state of her life that Frank’s voice does something to her, even when it’s in her head.)

“You found me,” she says, not turning. She sees him in the window, his reflection distorted slightly.

“Thought I wouldn’t?”

“Hoped.”

He rumbles a laugh between his teeth. “You know me better than that, Miss Page.”

“Why,” she says, “why are you always here?”

“I just got here, Karen, what’re you —”

“I mean, in my life.” She looks at him, finally, taking his face in like she always does in case this is the last time she sees him. “Every time you leave, you come back. I’m tired of trying to figure out why, Frank, so if you could just fucking tell me —”

His hand is warm as he slips it through hers. She can almost feel the calluses on his fingers.

“You mean somethin’ to me,” he says. “Don’t you know that?”

He’s gone, when she looks again.

.

.

She runs until she hits mountains. Denver seems as good a place as any to stop, at least for a little while. There’s people here, not like New York, but enough for her to blend in, go unnoticed. Just one face in a million.

She finds an apartment and scoops up a night shift at a local bakery. It feels good, working with her hands. Making things instead of ripping them apart.

Time passes. Karen tries counting the days at first, but soon loses track. Weeks, months. She’s still here. She’s still here.

.

.

I killed him, she growls at Wilson Fisk, again and again. Sometimes it’s him. Sometimes it’s Kevin, or Ben, or Mrs. Cardenas, or —

She’s not sure she knows who she’s hiding from, anymore.

.

.

It had to happen, eventually. A material can only be stretched so far until —

.

.

She shouldn’t do it. She knows —but she’s starting to forget people. The color of their eyes, the sound of their voices. She just needs something, something to remind her she used to have people in her life who knew her real name, who cared she existed.

She calls home.

A strange voice answers. “Hello?”

“Uh—” she sputters, thrown off. “Hi, I’m — I’m looking for Paxton Page?”

“Shit, I really need to get this number changed. He moved, about, oh, a month and a half ago? Doesn’t live here anymore.”

The pit of her stomach turns to ice. “He — he moved? He’s gone?”

“Yeah. Think he said he was going out of state, too. Didn’t leave a forwarding address, though. Sorry I can’t be of more help.”

Karen sinks, melts into the floor, lets the phone slide out from between her fingers. Stupid, stupid. He told her himself, all those years ago. I don’t want you here, Karen. She thought, maybe, maybe if enough time passed, maybe the wound would start to scab over. Maybe he’d change his mind, and they could try to be some semblance of a family again.

I don’t want you here, he said, but what he meant was —

I don’t want you.

“Fuck,” she whispers to herself, the empty room, the universe. Anyone who’s listening. The answering silence is what finally does it. She unravels, slow tears at first that quickly devolve into throaty, heaving sobs that rock up the length of her spine, fan out across her shoulders, rip through bone and marrow and every little thing that’s holding her together.

She cries until she can’t anymore.

.

.

Karen blinks and the world pieces itself together. Floor, beneath her, every muscle in her body protesting loudly as she rolls into supine. Her brain feels like it’s bursting out of her skull. She must have slept here. It’s still dark — just before four a.m., the clock on her nightstand says.

C’mon, Karen. Sit up. Just sit up.

It’s muscle memory, after that. Stand, shuffle over to the sink, splash water on face.

Cross the room, dig through the duffel in the back of the closet. Find his burner.

It’s muscle memory, switching it on.

He calls less than a minute later.

“Karen? Karen —”

“Hey, Frank,” she says.

He makes a fractured noise on the other end. “She’s here, Lieberman, she’s — christ, Karen, you’re here, I can’t — you’re okay?”

“No,” she says with a low laugh. “But I’m here.”

“I’ll take it,” he says. “It’s — shit, it’s good to hear your voice.”

“I’m sorry, Frank.” She sinks her fingers into her hair. “I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t do that. You don’t do that with me, you got it? Jesus, Karen, I — I thought that was it. Thought—” he goes quiet, and she can almost see him tilting his head down, working his jaw. She can almost imagine wrapping her arms around him, her chin on his shoulder and her hands in his hair, the smell of him, how he feels pressed against her, warm and safe.

“I miss you,” she says.

She hears him pull a ragged breath between his teeth. “You have no idea, Page.”

Her fingers are wet, when she swipes at her face. “I don’t — know what to do. I don’t know what to do, Frank, please tell me, because I can’t do this, I can’t.”

“I’m here, Karen.” His voice swells, crests like a wave, and she realizes he’s crying, too. “Right here, yeah? I’m here, always.”

Just take a breath, Karen. Just breathe.

In, out, in again — and across the miles, she can hear Frank breathing, with her.