#I stood up for myself
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#flug irkriex#little green alien#ok theres a funny story behind this one#this is based off a time i was showing slime i got from a little alien slime egg toy thing my friends sent me and it like#the slime was weirdly overly sticky and was very stuck to my hands and i stood there holding this blue slime looking very distressed bc#i didnt know WHAT to do with my hands#i almost lifted my hands up to my head in dismay but um#i stopped myself.#before doing that#on account of you know#the slime
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shes finally coming together!! still got a bunch of hand work to do on the blouse and corset, and of course, style the wig, but annes gonna be ready for mcm next weekend!
#nyxtalks#nyx sews#ofmd#anne bonny cosplay#mcm london#ha honestly feeling. so unconfident about this right now#the pants r def. mid. i keep telling myself theyre the best i could do and other such things but i feel like. they let the side down n just#make the whole thing look eh#you cant see a lot of the issues bc of how im stood but. theyre there#gonna go back to making skirts foreverrrrrrr#(also the boots being darker DOES annoy me. ill weather them up at some point before i wear her again i think)#anyway sorry for the complaining i know nobody else sees the issues i doooooo#onto wig styling i guess
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"You deserve to be yelled at."
Nobody deserves to be yelled at. Yelling is done by folks who can't regulate their emotions and need to walk away.
My dad called me retarded :(
#rhys does things#r slur#I stood up for myself#I don't deserve to be yelled at now or ever#I am an adult who deserves to have any problems brought up calmly and in a discussion
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Utopia protecting and worrying about Astral
#I often think about this#something something about Utopia being literally created by Astral and being the only Number who stayed with him when he reached the Earth#and being not only the symbol of the relationship between Astral and Yuma but also their most loyal monster and ally#Their relationship is so important to me#Utopia always stood up for Astral#and when Astral said to him to go and help Yuma Utopia didn't do it immediately#Utopia looked at him worry because Astral would be completely alone against 96#but Astral wanted Yuma safe more than he wanted himself be safe and I think that Utopia knew that#aside from all that the battle scene between Utopia and Black Mist is one of my favorites#it's so cool and those two are my favorites Numbers so I always love rewatching it#and once again I'm making myself emotional over Astral and Utopia#but that last look! The last look that Utopia gave to Astral before trying to go#and also the fact that Astral sent Utopia to Yuma knowing that doing that would left him defenseless#and yet he did it anyway because helping Yuma was more important than his own safety#I already said it and I will say it again because I love them#astral zexal#astral yugioh#number 39 Utopia#yugioh zexal#yu gi oh zexal#ygo zexal#zexal
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#look i'm starting to think that whoever converted these and uploaded them to the models resource just did a shit job at it#'cause i tried. the version on the models resource. and for the life of me i could not get it to look good#meanwhile i made a solution in like 15 lines of code to convert these myself and it looks like this. mwah. beautiful#i couldn't figure out how to use the readily available version on the models resource for the LIFE of me#the eye textures are AAAALLLL fucked up#but y'know what! i made my own solution and i'm done complaining#floragato#because this is a GREAT POKÉMON YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH THEY STOOD UP!!!!!!!!!! FURRIES UNITE FURRIES UNITE#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH#YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY FURRIES THEY STOOD UP!!!!!!!!! THIS CAT IS ON TWO LEGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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to pass as. to qualify as. to be as. to love as a human being
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#nothing there#eye strain#just in case. sorry...#i remember the first time i messed up and my agent (jake) got a bad work result. it was on day 46 the mem rep time i went back on day 47#bc i wasnt happy with the death count. since i went in to the mechanics blind. i the other works were fine and in theory the stats wouldve#been able to be fine. but then jake got a bad work result and i stood stunned for a bit just listening. i kept sayimg to myself it would be#fine and to just keep working on nothing there. but i felt too guilty and reset...#for the piece itself i wanted to be harder to look at. a lot to process and sort out but also the clash of colors as well#the draw of the eye at least for me when testing it was towards the chest than the face. inability to look at the face as a concept#that and stare at what isnt quite human. reminds me of the instant panic mechanic...#would this count for the agent tag?.. uhm.. sure . i think.#lobotomy corp agent#theyre not quite an original character. maybe ill write for them actually later but theyre just an agent for now#thank you for your service jake.....
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The very funny thing about having finally recovered from depression after being depressed for literally decades is. Even though I'm no longer depressed. My kneejerk initial reaction when I get overwhelmed is like "fuck it time to die" and then, because I have spent a lot of time and intention and money on therapy, my IMMEDIATE next thought is "no you won't babe, eat some broccoli. Go for a run. Go see ur friends" and the moment I've done any combination of those things I'm like singing showtunes about how good life is. Like ok brain i understand you spent the last fifteen years in a critical state but maybe we can do the broccoli first next time. Vegetables before defaulting to Habitual Symptoms please.
#Mental health#depression#Suicide mention#It's like when you heal from an injury.#A while back I fucked up my knee.#Limped on it for weeks#And it hurt for longer#To the point where I was always mentally bracing whenever i stood up from a chair#Ready to hurt#So that when i “graduated” physical therapy#I was still bracing every single time i moved#Ready for it to hurt. But it didn't#And like. Will that injury still tweak a little sometimes? If I Don't Take Care Of it?#Yeah. But it's almost totally gone. And for months I was shocked every time I braced to hurt and there was nothing there#So when I get stressed i like. Preemptively brace to be suicidal#to hate myself and my life again#And then .... I'm kind of surprised when I... don't.#I know my depression is cured because i know what it feels like to be depressed. Just like i know what it's like to hurt.#And the absence still strikes me sometimes#the way the sun shines through a gap in the trees that's created when you cut down something diseased and dead.#And you're like. God rays. For years there was a shadow here and now there are sunbeams.#No-- there were always sunbeams.
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Daddy issues so bad I find anger scary AND defense attractive
#desiblr#suffer ye suhana nahi#desi tumblr#psychoanalysing myself today#anger scares me because it makes me feel shut out and all i remember is shouting and cold shoulders#but defensive anger for self also makes sense to me because.#because I've never stood up for myself and someoen who stands up for himself is extremely attactive
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Holy fuck I should delete twitter. Unfortunately, the sole reason I still use it is for Broadway news. And I have yet to find a place that matches it. I set up a Bluesky account and would happily move myself over there but nobody is using it.
Please god can there be a mass migration now? Bluesky looks exactly how Twitter used to look. And it's not run by a pathetic incel like Elon Musk.
#it's been two days#and I've already had enough of people saying Trump is a legitimate choice politically#and that the Israeli far right government is correct in its genocide#and women should just stop sleeping around in order to prevent abortions#I want to vomit and punch and kill myself and all the things#the world is full of so many selfish ignorant people and I can't stand it#there is no arguing with people who don't think climate change exists#or genuinely believe Trump cares for a single human being outside himself#when has he ever stood up for any of his children for fuck's sake?#please#I can't do 4 more years of people treating Trump like a legitimate person#he is the worst of humanity rolled up in a concentrated poisonous ball#American politics#Donald Trump#Elon Musk#Israel#Twitter
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i seriously need more narumi and mina moments because just imagine the relief mina felt when narumi joined, similar age to her and was also considered a prodigy in the force.
to have someone to share the burden of the defence force’s future with must’ve felt so freeing. because before he joined it was just her, age 18, being told that she was going to change kaiju extermination with her exceptional synergy with firearms. and she was so, so scared.
narumi doesn’t have the kind of skills or talent for long range combat like she does, but he’s also a top candidate (despite his behavioural issues- which aren’t much of a hinderance anyway) and mina doesn’t have to carry the burden of the future alone anymore
(although she’d never admit, given she probably views narumi as someone completely shocking i just think it’s so funny how she stood there like O_O when she first saw him)
like i LOVE seeing the contrast. mina who was sent onto the battlefield for the first time and was deathly afraid vs narumi who was sent out and immediately took action because that’s how he always lived (fighting)
and now they’re the top two strongest captains in the force and they will be the ones to lead the new generation..
#egg boils#IM SOOO BONKERS SORRY THEYRE MY FAVES I WANT THME TO HAVE AN IMPACT ON ESCH ORHEF SO FUCKING BAD.#consider this: narumi teaches mina to be less serious. to stop holding onto the burden of others and her team mates and Fight because she#wants to. hold onto ur weapon clench ur teeth because you WANT to be here and protect lives and not because You feel like you have to ashir#and mina teaches him abt team work and yes you can work along but And maybe having to consider ur team members IS burdensome for u but isnt#it nice to have someone watch ur back? for someone to Help you narumi#please please show me how they’ve influenced each other I KNOW DAMN WELL THEY HAVE. I INOW IT. matsumoto please.#i will never be over mina and how genuinely AFRAID she was#ashiro mina my absolute beloved#narumi tells mina to stop being so freaked out all the damn time because you have your team mates don’t you?! always talking my ear off abo#about team work but you can’t even trust your own comrades?!#mina tells narumi that HE keeps acting recklessly because he doesn’t trust his team mates either!!! they’re perfectly capable too#ohhhhh i’m sick im sick i want mina to knock some sense into narumi and vice versa i want them to be the reason they trust their units to#SUCH a degree now. i want them to be the reason why they stand for their men so strongly (narumi immediately pouncing on no.9 when he showe#kikoru isao’s face. mina’s anger and appreciation when her unit stood their ground against no10.#mina#narumi#kaiju no.8#they’re my top two of course i’m making this shit up. i need it so bad bside please please please#i know she grit her teeth and got used to be alone when she subjugates from the roof top but CONSIDER narumi the delinquent but extremely#capable recruit being the one to show her how to live less in fear#i need a tag for them#don’t be stupid#okay that’s it that’s my tag#kn8 spoilers#sorry again. tagging for myself#narumina
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Nova had no idea but a few meters away into the water there was a seal hunting!!
#dogblr#sheltie#shetland sheepdog#nova#i took a video but the quality is so bad lmao#i stood on my rock for 30 minutes watching the seal go up for air and back into the water#i was crying about my life and the potential pit i will find myself in very soon#and life decided to throw me a seal to tell me it’s going to be okay :)
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girl HELP absolutely everything is going exactly right on the high school lesbians obsessed with space show and there are still FOUR more episodes to go
#looks like there are some oh-no-foreign-exchange-plans-may-make-us-part woes ahead but. probably not four episodes worth#(also yes i AM saying everything is going right while ton is getting hit by charoen bc i think (with much love) that it's good for him)#(of course i don't think mawin getting stood up is what he deserves. but i DO think mawin ending up with ton during the meteor shower....)#(well it SHOULD be foreshadowing is all i'm saying. and so far i have no reason to believe this show would waste that)#*#23.5 degrees#anyway. this is just how the pacing of these gmmtv shows works#< things i tell myself while hoping we can avoid the inevitable main couple breakup arc
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why did he do this (rhetorical) (profoundly affected)
#obviously referenced from start to finish. half second shots that kill#you go ''i was already Changed by the mere socked glasses flip / kick gifs. i'm ready'' but you are actually collapsed on the ground#raising my hand as one of the handful of randos who stood up suddenly these past few months like why yes i Will watch your films then#and also as [guy lecturing & emphatically pointing to laptop] i have to do everything myself the undereye coloring is a distinctive trait#fashion icon shit around here also i'm not kidding in the least#i want well another pair of glasses for one & graphic tees short shorts a fanny pack a calculator(?) buttonsy digital watch i completely do#also again with the adhd these flashbacks were beautiful. inspiring. revelatory. profound (cont.)#it's also occurring to me that i've watched a couple movies for the first time recently and it was like. man cmon#one horror one that was like. I Said Man Cmon. another non horror one that was just like an unending shrug#all the more appreciation like yeah hey a horror movie and also just a movie where it's like yes i'm completely along for the ride wahoo yay#raising my third hand as a correct opinions about media haver#corned beef#it#no time to be coy i was here three and greater than three years ago. and just nowadays; evidently:#reddie#online listicle video voice The Couple Of Dozen V Varied Moments From The IT Movies That Drew Blood (Mine)#whoever came up with this sequence i'm kissing on the mouth like my god. again: profound#the power of the rileable using their end of things as their plausible deniability. like oh god i hope he thinks i'm cool. ok asshole Enough#being the guy Just Standing There like fellas the boy you're in love with very insistently did this wyd (only caring abt literature)#adding a 50% pink overlay like it comes time to make these coloring choices & i put on a vivacious song to inspire having fun / being myself#great choice imo. now to slide right under that midnight est wire
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i think im finally realizing just how miserable i was these past few years... just how much i hurt myself by trying to conform to get by. if i didn't have my irl friends and all the cool people in my computer...
#i dont know how i made it out half the person i still am#i was trying to make myself as small and acceptable as possible and all i was doing was killing myself mentally#i fucking rocked miniskirts and low cut tops while being the only person in my school out as trans#but a few years later there i was having a panic attack because i forgot to cut my nails and now ppl would comment on that bc long nails#= girl [fuck that guy]#or taking weeks to hype myself up to wear black fucking nail polish#fuck i was so sad and miserable#if it wasnt for my friends & online i would count it as worse than my early teens#which like.#bad bad bad#i mean at least i was angry. at least i stood up for myself.#i made people like and respect me#or at least leave me alone#fucking hell i cant have been in a worse place these past few years than /then/#...#i had my friends and online spaces these past few years. i didnt have that back then
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ik it’s kind of a hardcore blog, but i am still a person & talking to me like this isn’t okay😥 i blocked them after i said no, so they won’t bother me again but like PLEASE be aware that im actually human & should be treated & talked to like 1😥❤️
#if someone in the UK wants to beat him up that’s ok w me😪❤️#this happened way earlier today but i’ve been crazy busy0: but i wanted to post it so like i can give a little reminder#and a reminder that i’m not really into rp w complete strangers?#and literally don’t ask me why i said no lol like that’s literally just what i said out loud when i read what he sent & was kind of in shock#so i just sent what i said out loud lmao?#and it was so random too? like i was in the middle of typing something and then had to stop midway bc i couldn’t believe the notification ??#and like if i ignore your dms is really bc i either am busy or don’t know what to say back so like don’t be rude if i don’t reply#like it’s not something to be rude over#text#& ik i could’ve stood up for myself i guess? but why would i waste my time on someone like that yk? like why put thought into it?#so i just kinda blocked them & went back to what i was doing#rude dms#dms
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it's monday. why tf am i sitting here having to professionally pop off at someone???
#vent cw#;; no bc being the only woman on my team besides my director is insane sometimes#;; this guy from another part of the business came to me for a cv review bc he's interested in being a data scientist and we get to the#;; feedback session and he's been getting feedback from like two other teammates of mine and i AGREED with their feedback#;; and i offered more and he had so much pushback? AND THEN HE SAID MY CRITIQUE SEEMED LIKE A COP OUT???#;; bc i said the structure needed a bit of tweaking and i offered him a solution#;; then he tried to insinuate that i said data science and machine learning are different? which i never said that???#;; my guuuuy 🙄 anyways i stood up for myself bc you're not about to have me out here looking like a fool? when YOU'RE the one who asked for#;; MY HELP??#;; it's crazy bc i typically don't have to defend my expertise because my team respects me and the people on my side of the business do too#;; i'm going to talk to my boss about it lowkey bc if this guy is already getting help from two other people?? it's a resource drain and im#;; out of polite fuck offs. i need his support on this bc it's actually making me uncomfortable that this dude keeps cropping up#;; asking me for help and also *expecting it*. like nah.#♕░░ queen of the summer isles ( LUXX SPEAKING )#;; tbd.
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