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the-bjd-community-confess · 3 years ago

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Many Divaz/Z3st confos

Mod: Not all the ones in the inbox, but a batch of them to peruse at your leisure.

1. Z3st got told by a mod on the BJD Discord to stop with his drama-mongering. He argued with the mod. In b4 he whines here about the BJD Discord.

~Anonymous

2. @A certain someone: DOA mods warning you to stop making drama or else ban is not an attack on you. BJD Discord mod warning you to stop making drama or ban is not an attack on you. They're just doing their jobs. To stop finding yourself in situations where you feel attacked, don't make drama. Seriously it's getting super tiresome seeing your crap all over the place esp since you're acting like someone shot your dog or smth. You're doing this to yourself and blaming others for your own actions.

~Anonymous

3. My friend got messaged on FB by Z3st because they posted in support of Divaz. Z3st called them names and tried to prove his "innocence". Apparently my friend wasn't the only person Z3st did this to, I wouldn't be surprised if he did it to everyone who commented in support of Divaz. Z3st is crying about being the victim but all I see is him being the aggressor. Who the fuck messages people they don't know to harass them like that?

~Anonymous

4.@al3xcessive... you can't blame someone for "doxxing" you when you put your information out there first. Also, that's not what "doxxing" is, they've literally only showed your name AFTER YOU SHOWED IT YOURSELF PUBLICLY. All of your other information was hidden. I searched for your name on FB and wouldn't have ever found you if you hadn't gone and shown yourself by spamming comments on the post.

~Anonymous

5.lol al3xcess claiming he'd been "harassed" when he DMs random people to call them bootlickers and they tell him to fuck off xD

~Anonymous

6.If the customer is batshit terrible to work with, you refund them and ban them. Don’t feed trolls and all. Seems simple? But Div4s just gonna dox somebody like that? Even their most hardcore fans ought to be sayin “hol up” instead of cheering.

~Anonymous

7.Lol @ Z3st calling Divaz "insidiously hostile" when he himself is this way and he even admitted it: "i had been nothing but nice, and ABSURDLY patient, and understanding and looking back now the gushing tone in which i took makes me sick" - Looking at HIS OWN receipts, his "absurdly nice" is just normal decency. It really says a lot about him that he considers it absurd and that it makes him sick. Divas aren't the ones being insidious, Z3st, you admitted you were deceptive from the getgo.

~Anonymous

8.I'm done with r_s who defend BJDivaz on DoA. I had to wait MONTHS for any sign of life from them, they NEVER answer their emails, and they've mishandled ALL of my orders. They won't be an adult about this! If you're ordering from them, you're pretty much supporting them. Stop.

~Anonymous

9.Neutral to Divaz but seeing them did a call out to a troublesome customer is a bit uncomfortable. I believe they should have kept the person's name as anon, never mention their irl or username. I understand that they are upset that their business reputation is damaged by the customer's words but still a business shouldn't blast their customer's personal info on public platform. A business should be a business. Personal feelings should be handled off the business page.

Again I fully understand Divaz is human too and they can feel upset by exaggerated rumours but a business shouldn't be so sensitive to any provocation. I'm sure other dealers also get a lot of negative comments but we seldom hear them talk about it publicly. Really not my place to say, I think Divaz should try to keep personal emotions off their business page. Occasional bad press will naturally go away on its own if they can maintain good and satisfied customers on a long run. I feel like them fighting back against angry (ex) customers and seeking comfort from others is not the best move as a business. It is fine that they express their frustration to their family and friends but definitely not on a public business page. It just feels unprofessional. It's my 2 cents.

Sorry Divaz, I know you don't want to hear this but please do try to keep personal feelings aside when running a business. It will really help you on a long run. Haters will only use this against you because they know you will react to their provocation. This will never end and only damge your reputation further. Hope for the best.

~Anonymous

10. Cheeesus, that long Divaz post on that DoA user is too much. With all the precise time-stamps details and quotations, it's like a lawyer presenting a courtcase like "the evidence here shows that at 'hour;minute' you said this XXX. Is it true?" And we, the witnesses/audience, are all called to participate in the judgment. lol

~Anonymous

11. ne1 else get msged by Z3st on fb cuz he wants to bitch u out for posting on divaz?

~Anonymous

12. Divaz doxxes and stalks people, talks shit about customers on their FB, forgets to place orders, hands out tons of excuses for why they can't reply... among other things. Why the fuck are you all still dealing with them? Cl0ver singing, Alice's and a bunch of other companies are ten times better. Stop👏 validating👏 shitty 👏companies 👏

~Anonymous

13.There are certain people who always jump to the defense of BjDivaz and get mad when other people have legitimate issues with them. Get a life. Some of us have real problems and bad experiences ordering from them.

~Anonymous

14. I know everyone has a different situation and state their opinion with what they have already experienced, but I'm not gonna lie that I felt bad when I read someone saying that bjdivaz long layaways aren't even neccesary and they should just remove it. While I do agree bjdivaz could improve in how they manage some stuff, at the same time they are the only ones that let me "join" the hobby and don't feel bad because I can't pay in full or put down big payments as other hobbyists. I know it's not neccesary and I can save, but from someone who comes from a place of poverty I already feel guilty enough spending in a hobby and having big amounts of money always end up in paying emergencies and starting from 0 again. So these "really long and unnecessary layaways" give me the opportunity to not feel as guilty and enjoy something like the rest without spending too much every month to the point that it could affect my daily life.

~Anonymous

15. Z3st/Alex is legitimately evil for what he's doing, trying to put a company out of business that, per the emails that he himself posted, has never been anything but helpful to him (and many others). I'd bet he's the main source of all the BJDivaz hate going on here, and the miserable people around here were more than happy to grab their pitchforks and join his mob. Stop it.

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #TrueBJDConfessions #BJD Dealers #BJD Groups

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hekatekun · 4 years ago

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The metanarrative’s grand narrative: Osomatsu-san’s characterization throughout the franchise

The growing cynicism throughout the entire Osomatsu-san franchise shows itself in season 3 with more prominence than anything prior. I think that’s pretty common amongst any “long-running” gag comedy - replacing a plot with spiteful commentary that’s admittedly pretty hit or miss at times. However, it invariably creates a negative but pretty funny character growth, and I love the way the show (I’m including the movie too as “canon” material considering season 3 has referenced it way too many times for me to disregard) has set up this metanarrative across seasons. Long post ahead.

Obviously, Osomatsu-san is self-aware and has a casual relationship with itself. No linear plot (though S3 seems to be trying it out and I’ve enjoyed it - I love that they’re willing to experiment), rather a collection of unrelated skits; and so it points out its own metanarrative because of this “lack of consequences.” With comedy comes impermancy and Ososan AND -kun will always bounce back from that week’s insanity. From the Oxford Dictionary, a metanarrative is “a narrative account that experiments with or explores the idea of storytelling, often by drawing attention to its own artificiality.” Basically: a story about stories.

On top of this, is what I’m calling the “grand narrative,” which is often used interchangeably with metanarrative, but here I’m making a distinction to make it less confusing. Of course, Ososan is a story about stories, but with that comes a story it’s not directly telling, which is where most of the (little) character development is taking place. This is what I’m going to call the grand narrative of a show whose premise is being a meta-aware comedy. I’ll admit I’m by no means an expert on these subjects, but storytelling methods are something I enjoy trying to analyze. As a media format, Ososan really utilizes the fact that it’s a tv show.

Right off the bat S1E1 makes it clear what to expect: Nothing. Not a damn thing. But, the show had already been cleared for this first season, so it has to be produced. This same episode’s preview is done by Osomatsu, which I’m just gonna quote instead screenshot because there’s too many.

“...we plan on properly starting the anime the next episode.” “...you ended up with an extra minute, so you need me to do something to fill it?! Actually, is this anime going to be okay with episode one being like this? I’m getting worried about how the rest of this is going to be...” “There, I used up a minute! [EPISODE ENDS]”

Episode one is not only batshit referential, but downright mocking the state of anime in 2015. Which, truthfully, I don’t have much to comment on in that regard, as I’m not an avid anime fan. However, it does this under the premise of being indecisive about what kind of anime they wanted the Osokun reboot to be.

They’ll do just about anything to stay popular and relevant considering that is, quite literally, all they have going for them as characters in the series and just being characters in general. They may be pieces of shit, but they’re likeable pieces of shit. The dynamics they’ve built upon to be entertaining is encouraged, and they’re basically just roleplaying different skits and fucking around.

All the AUs! All the skits! They’re just playing! They’re just fuckin’ around!! They couldn’t come up with any interesting plot nor could they “graduate” from being anime protagonists and join the real world, so they just fuck around and make a gag anime!

Even if we follow both as the audience, the show makes a difference between the what’s them in their “normal life” (crazy begets crazy, no?) and what’s their “show.” But, really, that’s just one way to look at it, as they don’t really follow any rules as a show. I could say the Joshimatsus are separate characters from the sextuplets, and it’d be a “correct” interpretation. It doesn’t really matter - I’m choosing to examine it all as being the six of them just running around and playing, because being entertaining and having fun is all they know as characters. Besides, having it blended together beyond recognition reinforces how it prioritizes entertaining us, the audience, above logic. Storytelling doesn’t need to make absolute spatial-temporal sense for it to be enjoyable to fans.

In any case, that mentality really seems to be what pushes their character development negative, as they look to reinforce habits and rituals despite them being really detrimental for them in the long run. They know they’re popular characters as is, and with really everyone from staff to fans encouraging this behavior further, so they see no point in fixing what isn’t really broken.

I found this 4 year old article from Manga.Tokyo discussing the Ososan phenomenon in Japan because while the craze died off pretty quickly in American anime circles (which deserves a whole other post), Japanese fans went fuckin’ nuts.

This portion caught my attention, as it makes sense that entitled and enabled asshole children would grow up to be entitled and enabled asshole adults. The article also goes on to compare them to idols (even beyond the F6 spoof) and that they are rooted in being comfort characters above all else.

It’s worth a read, especially because Japanese fan response is what drives majority of the content post-S1, and, inevitably, ties into their character development.

They know that they’re Characters, particularly Protagonists. You know what happens to protagonists? Everything works out. Just about every single story created has stuff working out for protagonists. In fact, we have a whole genre made that separates stories with bad tragic endings from our Normal Stories. Ososan is a comedy, not a tragedy, so surely there’s gonna be some payoff somewhere along the road, especially as the seasons and other content are still being pumped out. To a self-aware, entitled, enabled protagonist, assuming everything is just gonna work out for you isn’t that far off from your narrative truth.

However, Ososan is a gag anime, and a lot of gag content (like 4koma mangas) is dropped for other projects before any emotional cathartic ending is provided for characters and fans alike. So, three seasons and a movie later, nothing has happened. It’s a great idol cash cow with a Family Guy filter, and the characters (and writers) don’t even bother to hide it anymore. And I know I’m being hypocritical concerning my definition of “canon material” but I think this portion from one of the drama cds “Choroplex” basically summarizes my point:

CHOROMATSU: Wait, don’t make this into a gag! You don’t even care about becoming employed, right? KARAMATSU: There’s no way that could happen... CHOROMATSU: What kind of future are you imagining? Is it nothing but this? [HUGE PAUSE BEFORE THEY MOVE ONTO SOMETHING ELSE]

They’re parodies of themselves and are running out of ideas. Stagnation and decay is normal, if not unavoidable, at this point in time for them. They’re just 20 somethings who’ve hit a wall but they’re too scared and insecure to bring about permanent positive change. It’s easier for them to fall back into normal patterns and joke off the rest.

They have an antagonistic relationship with expectations. They can’t handle a single iota of expectations, or responsibilities. They’ve never needed to worry before, so why bother now? Once the biggest hits on the block, now they’re just guppies in the ocean, and there’s nothing they believe themselves to be able to accomplish to keep up with this big brave new world. This is epitomized in S3E15, where old man Osomatsu tells a bastardized version of the Tortoise and the Hare, blatantly projecting his feelings onto it. Again, too many screenshots so let me pull more quotes (bolding for my own reference):

“The place that the tortoise thought was the goal was not actually the goal. His journey down the road of life still continued on. The tortoise was quite tired, but he continued running anyway.” “No one actually knew who was in front anymore. There are too many people above you.” “After the tortoise found out how society worked, he thought, ‘So this is the difference in talent? No amount of hard work is going to fix this. All right. I’m done competing with others.’”

S3 has left more questionable endings than its counterparts. The last 2 skits I referenced don’t even a gag to them, and the marriage skit doesn’t play music for the entire second half of S3E5. There’s more involved too. I haven’t even brought up the rice ball twins becoming actual entertainers in their universe, or how they introduced this whole AI subplot only to reject it because All Six Of Them aren’t interested in expanding their little corner of the world. Here’s a transcript of the ending preview from S3E1:

“Hey, hey, Osomatsu here. I thought we were saved from being replaced, but I guess we get new characters next week. Man, we’re busy. New encounters, changing surroundings... We’re NEETs to begin with because all that is a pain. I guess a lot can happen after three seasons. [EPISODE ENDS]”

The sextuplets’ mindsets are extremely self-centered, which is also an environmental thing (the parents don’t even really care that they’re NEETs, for one) and an understanding of what they ought to be (epic successful protagonists). They also have a very black and white mentality, all or nothing. They’re extremely sheltered, and once they realized where they stood in society at large, they just gave up. To them the world is divided between winners and losers, and somehow, “inexplicably,” they found themselves to have fallen from grace. But they’re protagonists, that has to count for something! Everything’s gonna end up okay, right? Well... what this show has told them: No, not at all. They are consistently compared and warned of Iyami, and are perfectly aware of this fact, and have come to internalize it as a truth rather than a reversible self-fulfilling prophecy.

Too many screencaps, taken from the S3S5 marriage discussion:

JYUSHIMATSU: I wonder if we’re gonna get married someday, too. CHOROMATSU: Well, I mean... probably? I’m not exactly sure, but... TODOMATSU: What? You’re gonna get married, Choromatsu-niisan? CHOROMATSU: Huh? Well, yeah... someday.

Surprise! They have commitment issues! The same group that couldn’t commit to a fucking plot! Though their personality issues have several factors involved, I can’t overlook the theater motifs abound. Life’s a stage, and they’re performing entirely unscripted and it shows.

Do I think all of this is 100% intentional on the writers’ part? No, probably not. There’s also an extra layer here regarding contemporary Japanese commentary that I’m not familiar with, so I just ended up focusing on the characters. I can’t be in the writers’ heads, but whatever decisions are being made by executives regarding censorship and “compliance” are reflected in these character changes that result in being significantly more bitter and defeatist.

In the all or nothing, winner-take-all mentality, the only way to save face at this point, in their minds, is to own up to it - act like it’s what they wanted all along. And, hey, it’s funny to watch, right?

“Why is Osomatsu all my examples”, you might be asking. Well, he’s the damn blueprint for it all. The leader of the bunch, the first personality to grab your attention, has had all his issues projected and ricocheted in their echo chamber.

Ultimately, my point here is that you could think their “canon characterizations” (though canon means nothing in a show like this) as being intertwined with the nature of their self-aware existence. They’ve shown you all their tricks, the smoke and mirrors are getting boring, and they’re stalling long enough the story seems to be moving on without them - in spite of them. And when something genuinely threatens their way of life, they don’t know how to respond.

You can play it all straight, of course. Remove the meta jokes and all the same plot points can be hit, but, as a slapstick comedy, it’s able to easily add this additional layer in that I appreciate. I’ve said it in my last post and I’ll probably say it in more, but with comedy comes sincerity - the caveat of all the cartoon violence is that, on some level somewhere, this is how they really feel.

#osomatsu san #osomatsu #karamatsu #choromatsu #ichimatsu #jyushimatsu #todomatsu #osomatsu matsuno #karamatsu matsuno #choromatsu matsuno #ichimatsu matsuno #jyushimatsu matsuno #todomatsu matsuno #analysis #confession this was sparked by a convo i had w friends about s3e18 #this is a bit truncated but i couldnt bring myself to make this longer #maybe ill make a pt2 or whatever idk

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jeeperso · 3 years ago

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D&D Quotes Without Context

Ravenloft edition, Non-canon Halloween Suicide Strahd one-off

Marshal punches out the loud shouty bearded idiot paladin before he runs in first and aggroes all.

“We know you’re here, Strahd, you big fucking nerd! Where’s our goddamn cleric!” The castle is indifferent to your taunts.

Jonni puts on her inside shit kicking boots.

As you enter, the next pair of doors open with the sound of organ music coming from the main hall. Marshal: "Ah, our host grants Audience. Jonni, Behave. Me, no stupid self-sacrifice this early."

"My master has been expecting you." He says, "If you will follow me to the dining hall." Irost: "... As guests or delivery...?" Marshal: "Yes."

Irost: "Right, so we're taking the professor, and leaving." Strahd: "He is yours, if you can find him." Gorbash: "...Please tell me you didn't lose our cleric." Irost: "Well.. you guys lost him first." Strahd: "Oh I'm sure he's somewhere around here." Gorbash: "I swear I'm going to have to put a bell on him."

Strahd gives an evil smile "Do you remember every piece of bread you've eaten?" Gorbash: *sarcasm* "Why yes, let me just grab my baked good consumption ledger..."

"I presume that while we occupy ourselves, you'll be having rounds of the third most dangerous game." “Swans?” "Is that the one with the riding bears and the lit dynamite? Or was #3 knife monopoly?"

He's just standing there looking menacing. “I give it a 7.5.”

The second you open the door out of the dining hall, BATS. "I see you a bat-man, Strand." [sic]

"Bats attacking us in a vampire's castle, how cliche." "Well its a classier aesthetic than the last bunch we had to deal with."

Enjoy the image of a greatsword being swung above like a broom.

Marshal: "Once we have Edmund and an exit route, Jonni, you will have my blessing to burninate."

GM: You guys descend down the stairs into the LARDER OF ILL OMEN.

"NO CUTTING!" Marshal shouts, again feeling deja mustard.

OOC: We want people storage not food storage... although around here, the distinction is pretty meaningless.

“Bet we could sell this batshit to wizards.”

“Do you wanna open every crypt in spooky vampire death castle?”

Marshal engages his installed everbright lantern, for he has Knight Vision.

"...I could use your help. I came here for a friend. Yay high, blond, showed up naked."

"I would like to trust you, but if you betray that, I will not hesitate to bisect you."

"Your friend seemed rather agreeable to Strahd from what I heard, so I think Strahd put him to work." Gorbash: "We can be polite and cooperative when folks aren't trying to fuck with us." Jonni: “But that’s all the time.”

"Oh good, so we go up now. Away from the worst housekeeping I've ever seen."

"You'd be surprised, this place is filled with vampires that used to be mouthy adventurers." “And I got a bag of dust that used to be mouthy vampires.”

"I can spare you a weapon if you'd like." "I can handle myself." "Monk?" "Yes." "Gregorian?" "Not sure what that means."

"Aww, come on. Is there any way you nice gargoyles would simply let us pass, we are just looking for a friend and doesn't wish to cause any trouble." "Depends.. does anyone have any jalapeños?"

OOC: "Run for you lives, it is Godzilla's 2nd cousin twice removed!"

Gorbash: "In the words of my ancestor... BURNINATE!"

"Werewolf! Oh goodie, I get to test my daggers against someone who can really feel their sting. You picked the wrong gnome to mess with, dogface."

Irost: "This entire castle is full of betrayal!" "No shit, Sherlock." Irost: "Irost. Irost Coldplay."

Jonni: “New Eddie! Ape me!” "One Jonni of the Jungle! Coming up!" Irost said, as he cast Polymorph on their resident genie fucker to turn her into a giant ape. GM OOC: King Kong ain't got shit on Jonni. Jonni looks down at [the werewolf] with a wide, toothy, ape grin. “Ook, ook, motherfucker.”

Nyx ducks under the gargoyle's attack and sticks her tongue out at it. "Hey, wait your turn. The werewolf is still on the menu for being diced up and then Jonni with roast him."

Back to the top of the round, and she's finally here, performing for you. Gonna find a gal to fuck and screw.

"Their claws are tough! Do they count as stalactites, or stalagmites?" "I think that's what they call their dicks."

OOC: Look if there's any time to experiment with a new toy its the non-canon suicide mission to gank D&Dracula.

"You dare call me a dumpling, let alone little. Oh, it is groin stabbing time."

Gorbash: "This is why you don't bite the hand that lets you out of prison."

“WE ASKED NICELY!”

Irost looks like a scene from Invincible.

OOC: We're fighting Strahd, In trouble is kind of the definition of this fight.

GM OOC: Good, because I got a nat 1 and that would be embarrassing. OOC: Strahd bites his own tongue. OOC2: *leans in for a bite...headbonk*

As she’s dragged to Super Hell, Jonni flips him off.

Force Ghost Jonni: "Gorb still fucked you up, Grampa Munster."

Sergei: "And THAT is why you can't just barge into castle Ravenloft guns blazing." Gorbash standing over a battle map with little minatures of each of us: "Exactly." Jonni: “Right. Fireballs first.”

"Also, we have a dog," Marshal says, moving his leg so the others can see Pinpup gnawing ineffectually. Pinpup: "Such sights to show you...like ball, tail..... SQUIRREL!"

"She keeps stabbing me in m'dick. Why? Why's she keep stabbin' me in m'dick?"

GM OOC: Roll damage first to establish dominance.

OOC: Yes, I'm literally holding a sentient Sunblade. It's not the same one that is THE anti-Strahd weapon but its functionally identical. OOC2: It's his cousin, Kyle.

Nyx: "Nooo, I don't want to be a vampy snack!"

#dungeons and dragons #dnd 5e #quotes without context #ravenloft #non-canon

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skinks · 4 years ago

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hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

#long post #films #this is like bill hader being asked to pick his fave comedies and he gives a 4 page list #he has such good taste though ahhahbfhfhfhh lemme talk with him nonstop about movies while i ride him. thank you

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steveharrington · 5 years ago

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your dustin opinions are impeccable. also, would you mind elaborating on what your problems with the scoops troop plot? something about it has never sat completely right with me but i'm not sure how to put it into words

yeah for sure! to start out i’ll say that the scoops troop plotline was probably my favorite of the season, as in i had the most fun watching it. obv im biased because whichever group steve is in will probably be the most entertaining to me, i adore him, but it was also due largely to robin’s presence and the chemistry that i think joe maya gaten and priah all had as a group. that being said though i think the plotline was handled in a really weird, lowkey eerie way that all comes down to tone.

stranger things started out as a drama. like, when it’s recognized in awards shows it’s in the drama category, which puts it up against shows like game of thrones, the handmaid’s tale, shows that tend to have really serious, oftentimes dark content. it fits because stranger things IS dark. it draws inspiration from classic horror movies, characters die, usually in pretty horrible ways, children are traumatized, etc. that’s not to say that there hasn’t ever been humor in the show before scoops troop, obviously there has been, but on the whole the show had a pretty dark premise and a lot of dramatic moments that are written 100% to be dramatic. there tended to be a really good balance of knowing when to keep the tone serious and when to lighten it up a bit. in season three, i personally felt like the duffers decided to try to make the show both a drama and a comedy in equal measure, and their way of doing that was to keep the dark content matter but to make the lighthearted tone more frequent, and that manifested mostly in the scoops troop. it’s made a little worse by the fact that steve, dustin, and erica are undoubtedly comic relief characters. steve’s entire character since season one has pretty much been delegated to being laughed at, dustin has always been the kid with the most jokes and the least emotional arcs, and erica was literally made a season regular based on the fact that people thought she was funny in season two. also, i think the duffers lowkey realized how ridiculous the russian plotline is so they figured adding humor and making the russian general so cartoonish would relieve some of the audiences disbelief that this would ever happen. the result you get is really fucking weird, though.

right away it’s strange how casual they are about everything. i think the duffers were going for like “these clueless children were just having fun and they accidentally stumbled into a dark deadly secret” but it doesn’t really work when they see men with giant guns and think “okay anyways, how are we gonna get past them?” you can argue that steve and dustin have been desensitized, but robin and erica haven’t. once the elevator drops, they become reasonably freaked out and for the first time you get the since that they’re genuinely scared, but even then it’s treated as a joke. again, this isn’t the first instance of this happening in stranger things. steve has a meltdown every single season and it’s always been used for humor during a serious moment, but in seasons one and two it was just a momentary break from the intensity of whatever was happening. in season three, the jokes are consecutive. steve has his meltdown, then there’s a conversation about him liking robin, then there’s a piss joke (??) like there’s never a moment where they stop and really consider that like damn we’re trapped underground with no food or water and no hope at anyone figuring out where we are. that would all be okay if that was the extent of it, because characters on stranger things have had much worse fates than being slightly dehydrated, but then it takes a super sharp turn and becomes irredeemably dark. when i was watching the season for the first time i found it insanely jarring how fast it goes from steve being completely fine to steve being covered in blood. the duffers clearly want to keep up the routine of him getting beaten up, and they go a little harder on him every time, so this being the third time means he’s like pretty seriously injured. i would say the only scene the scoops troop gets that’s 100% serious is the one where they bring steve back to the room and robin is like “what did you do to him” and all that. that was good! that was realistic! but as soon as he’s awake again they switch back to banter and ahaha steve confuses his left and right bc he’s dumb. the thing that Really gets me is that the season 3 trailer used the shot of him getting jabbed with the needle in a very deliberate way to get people to theorize and be like “season 3 steve harrington DIES???” so like obviously they knew how dark it looked out of context. the thing is like......even WITH context it’s dark!! like the duffers were like “so at this point steve and robin, the oldest of whom just graduated high school like a month ago, are going to be tied up and drugged against their consent (after physical violence didn’t work) to get them to confess information that they literally don’t know. and it’s gonna be fuckin hilarious :) one of them is gonna almost get his fingernails removed by pliers haha” and it’s batshit crazy.

the best way to really realize how insane it is is to rewatch the older seasons. i rewatched season one recently and when the scene where hopper is interrogated came on, i was like wait hold the fucking phone. he’s just getting tased. and it was treated SO SERIOUSLY in comparison to when steve who is at most 19 years old gets knocked unconscious during an interrogation and later says his ears are ringing and he cant breathe. the scene where nancy and jonathan are surrounded by all the lab employees at the park is super unsettling and eerie and you’re like oh shit these two teenagers just walked right into a government secret. when there are russians surrounding steve and robin with guns, they put in a joke about dustin quoting a movie at them.

im not saying that this is Problematic or Immoral or anything like that. this isnt like a duffer brothers call out post. like i said, this was still my favorite storyline in the season. i actually think it’s weirdly fascinating. like you know when they take trailers for like, high school musical and just add scary sound effects and editing to make it look like a horror movie? it’s the same premise as the scoops troop. it’s a super dark premise but with jokes and writing that makes it seem like a fun goofy coming of age story. if the duffers were Intentionally trying to do a subversion where they’re like “look we tricked you into laughing while these children were traumatized and nearly killed” i think that wouldve been brilliant. i don’t really think that’s what they were going for, though. i think they accidentally put all their comic relief characters into one group and wanted as many laughs as they could get to break up the drama of the other groups. it just so happened that they also almost tore steve’s fingernails out with pliers :///

#long post #this couldve been way more concise #what can i say #anon #answered #st

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knightmathias · 4 years ago

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task 01: spring play audition ( macbeth ) !

notes: don’t give him macbeth thank u i want him to go batshit LMAO im kidding but rlly dont give him macbeth

i also couldn’t figure out how to put this in organically but mathias def knows that a LOT of the others are gunning for macbeth too!!! but he’s never been worried bc he knows for sure he’s always going to get the lead roles so he never really thinks about anyone else, i think it’ll be great for him to not only NOT get macbeth but not even a really big role full stop ? i don’t think it makes sense for heidi to give him a SMALL role maybe bc he IS technically really fuckin good but i also dont think heidi think it’s Best to give him a huge role anyway like she can see the Laziness in him and “acting for the wrong reasons” / not improving as an actor bc he’s never been in the spot to need to!!!!!!

Calling it a problem sounded so serious, you think derisively. Your hands are brushing over the small packet of coke you’ve placed on the desk, eyebrows furrowed. You’ve got ten minutes until your audition, and whilst Heidi doesn’t seem to be the type of person to appreciate tardiness, you’re not used to bending yourself to follow the rules. So you’ll be late. Big deal.

Calling it a problem, you continue thinking, getting your thoughts back on track. Calling it a problem was silly. An addiction would come in the form of your sister Ana, who could never stop herself. And even then, she’s fine. High every time you see her these days, maybe, but she’s fine -- Bad things don’t happen to the Knights. Only good things. Only good things.

Still, you sweep the bag into your desk drawer instead, out of sight. You don’t need it right now, the temptation was just a little too much when you have the bag in front of you; you’re certainly not nervous about this audition at all. Sure, you haven’t really worked on practising much -- but you never do, right? And sure, you’ve been more distracted as of late -- falling in and out of [the statue’s] bed, preoccupied by Orson’s death. But you either have the star quality or you don’t, it’s what your parents have always taught you. Working hard is good, but it’s for the ones that don’t have it, who want what you have. You’ve run through your lines a few times, you know it’s going to be good.

( And sure, you’ve taken to drinking more and smoking more and done a few more lines lately than would be considered smart. But you don’t talk about that. You don’t even think about that. What’s too much? What’s too far? When is enough enough when you’ve been like this, been around this, your whole life? It’s the glamourous life of theatre, baby, it’s just show biz. )

You take your phone out of your pocket to check the time. 4 minutes. Plenty of time then.

There’s a glass filled halfway of vodka and Coke on your bed stand, not quite finished from the night before. You pick it up and down it, even though it’s gone flat by now. The alcohol to take the edge off, but you won’t admit there’s an edge to you anyway. Liquid luck instead, maybe, but when have you ever needed luck? For the enjoyment, then, is what you reason. Why waste perfectly good alcohol?

By the time you arrive, Heidi’s voice cuts to you, unimpressed. “You’re twelve minutes late.”

“Had to make sure my hair was pretty,” you say charmingly, the cheek usually endearing to others. Orson would’ve loved your response, would’ve grinned and joked back, would’ve said something about the importance of appearance on stage. Orson would’ve ---

But it’s not Orson. It’s Heidi, and she doesn’t seem to think you’re being funny at all.

“I think it’s best if you just start, since you’re running late.”

But you’ve already made your way onto the stage.

"Mathias Knight,” you say, stage voice on. Your teeth glint white in the light as you flash a professional smile, but Heidi doesn’t seem to return it. “I’m auditioning for the role of Macbeth. I’ve chosen to do Macbeth’s speech from Act 2 Scene 1 -- Enjoy.”

There’s no surprise on Heidi’s face at your announcement of choice, but you don’t let it deter you. Of course it’s predictable, to go for Macbeth and to do this scene, but does it matter what you audition with, when your talent will showcase either way? You want Macbeth and you’re going to get it, you always do. There was no point putting in more work than its worth, when performing Macbeth’s most famous soliloquy did the same job.

Heidi nods, so you take a deep breath and settle into your role effortlessly. You’ve heard the others talk about needing to have an emotional connection to the role they’re playing, and you’ve never quite understood it -- you’ve played characters you could hardly even fathom being similar to, but you’ve played them excellently nonetheless. Acting, for you, is not about the emotion, or the personal, or the leaving of your body behind. It’s about the skill and the technique and the way you perform it -- because that’s what it is, isn’t it? It’s a performance. It’s a performance and you’re conscious of that fact every moment you are on that stage, your own kingdom. You connect with the characters because you need to, but it’s always been on that surface level, knowing you are playing them. You are not Macbeth. That much is clear. But you’re a damn good actor.

“Is this a dagger which I see before me, / The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee...”

You’ve never known fear, or delusion, like Macbeth in this scene -- but that’s never been why you’re so good. You can push passion and emotion out of your voice so well that no one could ever see the difference, you can bend and contort your face in the same anguish and people will believe it. What is a tragedy to someone who’s never experienced the bad? It’s just: tragedy. It’s a word. It means nothing.

( Tragedy: a play dealing with tragic events and having an unhappy ending, especially one concerning the downfall of the main character. )

( Of course you’re the main character, you’re always the main character. There’s nothing forgettable about the way you hold yourself, the way you speak, the way you move. The downfall of the main character. But you’ve not done anything wrong, have you? You didn’t murder Orson. What’s the worse crime you’ve committed? A few stolen grams of coke? Petty thievery, small crime -- who is hurting from your lack of consequences? No one. You were born indestructible. You’re pretty sure you’re going to die that way too. )

( An unhappy ending. Darling, your story is hardly far from over yet. )

When you finish the soliloquy, that powerful feeling that settles in your bones every time you perform, you half-expect an applause. You were objectively good and there’s no other way that that could be twisted. Instead, you look out and only meet Heidi’s eyes, facial expression unreadable. For a moment, you’d forgotten, waiting for Orson to tell you how brilliant you were.

But Orson wasn’t here. Isn’t it funny it only hits you in the gut every time you want something from him? His approval felt like an applause from an adoring crowd. His approval confirmed everything you’ve ever known about yourself, and you didn’t realise you craved it so badly until you were faced with the absence of it.

Several beats of silence. You’re waiting for her to say something, but when she doesn’t, you say, “So?”

Finally, Heidi shrugs. “It was an impressive performance. Truthfully, one of the best I’ve seen today.”

At that, you square your shoulders, basking in the compliment. What’s the best part of acting for you? You’ve heard others say things like slipping out of their own body and mind, into someone else’s. No, for you, you bleed yourself out on stage for this: the roaring approval.

But Heidi isn’t done talking. She adds, “I just don’t know if it’s enough.”

You blink. “Pardon me, but what?”

“What do you think about when you’re acting on stage, Mathias?”

The question takes you by surprise. “I think -- I think about the role I’m playing.”

Heidi shakes her head. “The thing is -- I just don’t think you do. I think you’re thinking about the praise you’ll get.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” You don’t have a bad temper, you’ve never been forced to. But irritation ignites within you, an uncomfortable and unfamiliar feeling.

She considers you for a moment, and you’ve never felt self-conscious in your life, least of all on a stage. She considers you for a moment, and you feel suddenly very naked, like she’s looking at something deep within you and she’s not liking what she sees.

“Thank you for your time, Mathias,” she says abruptly.

“No,” falls out of your mouth first, because you’re not used to being dismissed, not used to failing. She said it was one of the best performances she’s seen today, but suddenly it doesn’t feel enough.

Her eyebrows raise.

“You said it yourself that I’m good,” you say hurriedly. “I’m the best, and you know it. You can dislike me all you like --”

“Mathias, I don’t dislike you --”

“But I know I’m good,” you continue, as if uninterrupted. “When I’m on that stage, it doesn’t matter who likes me as Mathias and who doesn’t; all that matters is that the audience does. I’ve been playing the lead my whole life for a reason, and they’ll all call it arrogance, but there’s nothing wrong in knowing that I’m good. That I’m the best. Who cares if I’m connecting emotionally to the characters? I’m one of the best actors on this program and it’s for a reason, and I’m sorry it’s not the reason you want it to be, but talent is a reason in itself. That’s what Orson told me. Orson said I have what it takes. Orson said I was going to do big things. Orson said --”

“Mathias,” Heidi cuts off neatly, and there’s something in her voice that you can’t place. Pity, maybe? But you’ve never been pitied before. What is there to pity in you? You’re the star. You’re always the fucking star. “I’m not Orson.”

The sentence guts you in a way it shouldn’t, and you blink at the aftermath of your outburst.

“Thank you for your time, Mathias,” she says again, firmer.

This time, you move off the stage, towards the door. The only thing you can think about is how badly you need a drink.

#no editing we post first drafts like men #ensembletask #god im reading it thru and it's so choppy and weird but im going to post anyway enjoy xoxo #( self para ! )

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betweentheinkk-reviews · 5 years ago

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Call Down The Hawk- Maggie Stiefvater

Rating: 4/5

Genre: Fantasy, Young Adult fiction

Summary:

Call Down The Hawk is the first book in The Dreamer Trilogy, a spin-off of The Raven Cycle. Taking place in a world where people can pull things out of their dreams but must live in secret, CDTH follows the stories of the Dreamers, their dreams and the people who have to live with them. Following The Raven Cycle’s resident bad-boy Ronan Lynch, a dreamer himself; his brother Declan, a professional liar; Jordan Hennessey, an art forger with a mysterious existence, and Carmen Farooq-Lane, a woman hired to kill dreamers in an attempt to save the world. Taking us back to Stiefvater’s fantastical Henrietta, Call Down the Hawk continues where the Raven Cycle left off and brings with it all of its predecessor’s beautiful prose, mesmerizing world-building and the complex characters that pull it all together.

Thoughts:

Maggie my love, my queen has done it again.

I’m not much of a fan of authors extending the story passed their ending because in a lot of cases there isn’t much of a need for that. But for this series, I think it is not only completely justified but entirely necessary. Ronan was always the most mysterious part of the Raven Cycle, both to the audience and even to himself, with only two books in the series that actually included chapters by his point of view and the fact that so much of what he is and his family history was still left unanswered by the end of the series, a Ronan centered spin-off seemed only inevitable.

With a series based-around people who can pull things out of their dreams you can expect CDTH to be a lot more out of this world than TRC and it definitely is. This series, although still keeping a lot of the atmosphere of the first series, is slowly taking TRC’s setting of magical realism and adding a lot more extreme elements of complete fantasy. It’s not a completely strange shift given TRC set the foundation for anything being possible in Maggie’s batshit world. It’s hard to imagine that at one point sentient forests were hard to believe now that we have dreamers, children with goat legs, shapeless monsters and people who can see the future dropped onto our lap like it’s no big deal.

But world-building put aside, if there’s one thing that really makes Stiefvater’s writing shine, it’s the incredibly well-written and complex characters so let’s get into that:

First of all: Declan, Declan, DECLAN. Ok so if you had told me while I was still reading The Raven Boys that Declan would at any point be my favorite character I would have laughed in your face. Yet here we are. Even after all the strides TRC made to explain Declan’s actions and motivations to us, even after his short story, I could never find myself sympathizing with him and I didn’t think this book would change anything. Yet here we freaking are. This book really dives into all the layers that make up Declan, he is complex and hurt and so incredibly repressed but puts himself through that pain over and over again in an attempt to protect himself and his brothers. It was fascinating to read about and understand this carefully constructed facade Declan had made for himself and how it increasingly takes its toll on him. And even more fascinating to see this act fall away and let us finally see who he is capable of being when he isn’t so determined to be “boring”. His relationship with his younger brother Mathew is adorable and really what sold me on him, Declan mentions taking his role as “substitute parent” very seriously regarding Mathew and he definitely does, his absolute love for him shines throughout every chapter and every time anything goes wrong he’s always the first person Declan thinks of. It was also interesting to see his views on the boys’ father, Nial Lynch. Anyone who has kept up with the series this long knows Declan isn’t his dad’s biggest fan but I thought it was a really interesting contrast to go from Ronan’s romanticized view of him in The Dream Thieves and all the love it radiated, to Declan’s sheer hatred and unresolved anger. It was also really funny to watch him start cursing his dad every time anything went wrong because, you know, he was a jerk so why not.

Ronan has had my heart since the Dream Thieves and this book proves he has no intention of giving it back. It was so wonderful to see how far he has come and how much he has changed since the very first TRC book and that is mainly shown through the way he handles emotions. TRC Ronan converted all uncomfortable emotions into anger because that was the only way he knew how to cope, CDTH Ronan is a Ronan that allows himself to need, to love, to ask for help and, best of all, to cry when he needs to. I really liked how his loneliness was really touched on in this book, not just loneliness as a result of all his friends leaving him, but an overall loneliness from so long being the only one like him.

Ronan and Adam’s relationship was not at all what I expected it to be. These are two boys who have spent so much of their lives repressing their emotions so I didn’t expect them to be mushy and lovey right off the bat, boy was I wrong. Watching them so openly and vulnerably love each other was amazing and a culmination of both of their character development. But, although it was so sweet to see, I kind of wish we had gotten to see a bit of how they got to that point. When we left them at the end of the Raven King they had only just started to consider the possibility of a relationship and I kind of hoped to see the transition from friends to partners and how they learned to open themselves up to each other emotionally, instead, CDTH skips all that and takes us to a point in their relationship where they have already said their I love yous and are completely comfortable with it. On one hand, I love the intimacy on the other I wish we got to see how they reached that point in the first place, I also really wanted to get to see how they broke the news of their relationship to those closest to them, the only one whose reaction we really got to see was Gansey’s. Nonetheless, the boys’ love for each other was one of the highlights of the book for me and all Adam scenes (however few) were a gift.

I kept trying to figure out a way to talk about Jordan and Hennessey’s relationship without spoiling anything and I couldn’t really come up with anything so I’m just going to say it was so interesting and I loved it, it was especially interesting to see these girls who should be exactly the same but aren’t and how Jordan developed into her own person. Not to mention I just plain loved Jordan, she is so badass but soft and caring and funny as heck. As for Hennessey, she is, in a lot of ways, basically a female version of Ronan, except a Ronan who is still volatile and self-destructive, so it was great to see Ronan take up the sort of mentor role with her that he himself never got.

Another new character was Carmen Farooq-Lane. And, honestly, I thought her presence took up a lot more pages than it should have. Did we need to know about the inner workings of the moderators? Sure. But did we need several chapters describing her dealing with all of (name-of-kid-that-I-already-forgot-because-he-was-unnecessary)’s pet peeves? Absolutely not.

Finally, my last bit of commentary for this atrociously long review is that nothing really happened? Ok, I need to rephrase that, things did happen but there was no clear plot or even an actual climax. The plot bit I shouldn’t be too surprised by because the entirety of TRC was very, very character-driven and that seems to be the case here too but even with that in mind, I felt like this book was just a series of events just sort of spontaneously happening and characters being introduced with no real goal or direction that felt like they would be leading up to something but then the climax at the end is only brought up in the last couple of pages and is settled, underwhelmingly, in only a few more. Just like I said in my Wayward Son review, I understand the need for a book to set things up for the rest of the series but I don’t think that should mean the individual book should be missing anything from it.

Tl dr: Although the climax and pacing of the book left me disappointed, overall CDTH was a wholeheartedly enjoyable book filled with well-written characters, beautiful prose and encapsulating world-building that has left me more than excited for the rest of the Dreamer Trilogy.

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straynstay · 6 years ago

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Changbin - Hybrid AU!

you hated the circus

what’s the point of seeing people on weird makeups making a fool of themselves to be laughed at?

but here you were anyways since it was the only entertainment you had in such a small town where you lived

the guy on the ticket booth looked like he wished he was doing something else instead, and his attempt to smile almost freaked you out

you bought the ticket and entered the Big Top, cursing yourself mentally for willingly coming to this horrifying place

you sat as far from the stage as you could on a plastic chair that felt like it could break at any moment

the lights were barely on, so the gloomy atmosphere and the not so big tent sent shivers down your spine

and it didn’t help when they began playing that maddening circus theme song to excite the public that was coming inside

oh how much you hated the circus!

when you got up thinking that maybe it was best to leave, the lights went out and the ringmaster’s voice echoed through the small arena

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages… WELCOME TO THE CIRCUS!”

you had to sit again because the kids behind you were complaining about you blocking their view

you took a deep breath, feeling uneasy when two clowns suddenly showed up messing with the crowd

you closed your eyes wishing this would all be over soon

after quite some time and some lame jokes, the clowns were replaced by acrobats

but not common acrobats

cat hybrids that were spinning in circles in the ‘curtains’, meters away from the ground

and you felt a bit sad for them, although they were smiling while performing on air

hybrids were some sort of a different “pet” you could own if you had money to purchase them from specialized labs

they were custom made as half human and half the animal of your preference, which was kinda weird because they still looked human, except for some furry ears, tails and animal-like behavior sometimes

most hybrids were well taken care of by their owners, but those who got discarded for whatever reason usually ended up as beggars, sold themselves to science or found refuge on the nearest circus

and that’s why you felt bad for them

the circus experience became ten times worse now, your stomach churning inside your belly from the terrible thoughts of what they must have been through

the acrobats finished their performance and everyone was applauding and cheering

soon after, two elderly men, an elephant hybrid and a lion hybrid, came out to show their juggling skills

it was your first time seeing these types of hybrids and you got really excited for the first time tonight

they were considered rare specimens because their animal part was too wild and too much trouble to handle, that‘s why over the years everyone preferred more domesticated animals to crossbreed

wow, maybe coming to the circus wasn’t so bad, after all, you got to see something new today

the jugglers thanked the crowd once finished, and you applauded for the first time

the acrobats came back with different clothing to walk the tightrope twice: by themselves, and then one standing on the other’s shoulders

it wasn’t as exciting as their first performance, but it was well executed nonetheless

you applauded too, feeling a bit better knowing that the show was coming to an end

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages... “ the ringmaster spoke again in the middle of the stage under a spotlight

“... you’ve laughed with our clowns, you’ve been thrilled by our acrobats, you were amazed by our jugglers, but now it’s time!” drum rolls filled the arena

“It’s time to be mesmerized by our main attraction of the night!” the spotlight began shifting its position, as if searching for someone

“Brace yourselves because it's gonna get hot in here! Make some noise for Spear B!”

the kids went wild when a young guy wearing black clothes with lots and lots of glitter stood where the ringmaster was before

he smiled politely to the crowd and got ready to begin his act

he first snapped his right fingers, which suddenly produced fire

what the hell? how?

he then snapped his left fingers a couple of times, but as nothing happened everyone started laughing, you included

the guy shrugged and clapped his hands, making them lit up with flames

wow, this was so cool! you’ve never seen anything like this before!

he picked up three regular juggling balls and began playing with them

one by one the balls were being engulfed in fire as he continued to juggle them

there must be something behind these fiery tricks, but the young guy was so entertaining you couldn’t quite see through his acts

everyone applauded and cheered him, and you realized your mouth was slightly open

but how could you not when he’s really good at controlling fire like this?

and he was kinda cute too, you must admit, the way his eyes sparked whenever he accomplished a trick and the smile that followed right after was sometimes more mesmerizing than the tricks themselves

the circus staff brought a huge wooden target that had already signs of being burned before

“And for Spear B’s last act, we need a brave soul to come up on stage and be his victim” the ringmaster announced unseen and the kids went crazy

they were screaming “Me! Me!”, raising their little hands and jumping up and down to call his attention

but his dark eyes found yours in the middle of all this craziness and your heart skipped a beat

he needed someone from the audience to help on his next trick and everyone was volunteering, but he picked you

why??????

WHY???????

the staff came straight to you after he pointed to your seat and helped you go up on the stage with him

“I'm not really comfortable with this” you stated as soon as he stood in front of you

“you'll be fine, just don't move. At all. I'm not joking. Don't move” he said taking you to the huge target and tying your hands and feet in a Vitruvian Man position

you weren't ready, you weren't even supposed to be here, why did you come to the circus?!

you pretty much freaked out when you saw the young guy getting six freaking spears and placing them on the floor next to him

WHAT THE HELL??

that's what you screamed trying to free yourself from the restraints

“Why do you think I’m Spear B?” he laughed at your scared face

“What does the B stand for?” you asked, still trying to untie your hands

“Beautiful, brilliant…” he shrugged smiling

“Batshit crazy!” you remarked when the spear in his hand caught on fire out of the blue

“Maybe a little” he was having fun with your despair, you could notice

“Now, don't move. At all! Please, I don't wanna hurt you”

oh God, you’re dying today!

if not from the spear or the fire, then from the guy in front of you cause he was even cuter than what you thought and this is weird cause you're probably dying by his hands, but maybe you are crushing on him???

the young guy raised the spear in your direction and you froze in fear

the arena was suddenly quiet and you closed your eyes

dear Lord, may You receive this poor soul that’s about to ascend to Heaven soon...

then a loud thud echoed in your left ear and you heard screams and applauses

you're still alive!

you opened your eyes and shut them tightly again cause there he was again ready to throw another freaking flaming spear near your head

you didn't even breath because you didn't want to move at all, scared that he might miss the target that's not you

another loud thud and more cheering

he then threw one on each side of your leg, one in the middle of your legs, and the last one on the small space on top of your head

he did it all without causing you any harm, not even a single hair was burned, and you thanked the heavens for it because you weren't ready to die today

“Give it up for Spear B!” the ringmaster shouted and the young guy opened his arms to receive the applauses

he thanked everyone and bowed politely towards the crowd before tilting his head back and shocking everyone when a stream of fire lit up the entire tent

like…. WHAT?????

he was actually fire breathing without any external help, how?? was he a hybrid? but he doesn’t look like a hybrid at all, what's going on?!

the staff came to untie you, but you didn't even move because you were mesmerized by his flame

the staff thanked you for taking part on his act, and after he finished breathing fire he came to grab your hand and thank the crowd with you

it felt amazing to stand by his side after what you just experienced

he was so fascinating, you felt as if he had bewitched you with his fire

yeah, maybe that's what the B actually stands for: bewitcher

cause there's no other explanation for your feelings right now

everyone cheered loud for both of you and soon you were getting off the stage to return to your place on the cheap plastic chair

you sat down knowing the ringmaster was talking, but you just didn't hear, your mind was on the backstage wondering what Spear B might be doing now, what was his name, how old was he, why he could do this with fire…

“excuse me” a parent tapped your leg and you got up right away

“sorry” you smiled shyly for not noticing the people around you leaving the arena

the show was over and you couldn't believe you were feeling sad

you walked to the exit and saw some kids outside taking pictures with the hybrids

“thanks for coming, we hope you enjoyed it” the ringmaster was greeting those leaving and he smiled at you

“great performance” he gave you thumbs up and you laughed

“thanks, I guess” you moved with the people around you, only dispersing when you reached outside

the buttery smell of popcorn suddenly filled your nose because of a small popcorn bag almost being shoved in your face

“thanks for helping me tonight” Spear B was in front of you with regular black clothes and a beanie, looking even more handsome than before

oh God, his smile was so genuine and pure and so brilliant and so cute… he was making you fall in love

“it's was nothing” that's what you managed to reply before taking the bag and start eating

“that's not what it looked like, you seemed really scared” he laughed mimicking your face

what a great first impression you left on him!

“well, you would be terrified too if you saw freaking spears on fire coming to stick you on a human target” you huffed

“I'm just messing with you, you were great, didn't move at all”

“that's because I froze facing my imminent death” you made him laugh

“c’mon, you don't trust my skills?” he faked being hurt

“I do now that I'm alive, but I wouldn't go there again”

“not even if I said ‘pretty please’”? he put his hands together and acted cute

holy shit, your heart felt like it was gonna get off you chest

you coughed trying to calm yourself and decided to change the subject

“by the way how do you do it?”

“well, I basically just aim and throw the spear, it's not that hard” he shrugged

“I meant the fire thing” you laughed seeing him open his mouth saying “ahhh”

he was messing with you again and usually you wouldn't be patient enough to stick around boys like this for too long

but since he was so different, he also made you feel different

and you were enjoying these new feelings

“hey, they want pictures!” one of the cat hybrids called the young guy, who said he'd be there in a minute

“I can't really tell you my secret powers, but I'll think about it if you come again”

“again? when?”

“tomorrow” he smiled. “I'll make a better performance just for you if you come”

better than what you saw tonight? quite impossible, but you were intrigued to say the least

“then you should start practicing cause I'll be here on time”

“you won't be disappointed” Spear B smiled brightly watching you wave goodbye

#stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids drabbles #stray kids blurbs #stray kids AU #stray kids hybrid #stray kids #skz #changbin #4/9 #190504 #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop AU #kpop hybrid

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wetalkinboutbooks · 5 years ago

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Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan

Summary: Each year, eight beautiful girls are chosen as Paper Girls to serve the king. It's the highest honour they could hope for...and the most demeaning. This year, there's a ninth. And instead of paper, she's made of fire.

In this richly developed fantasy, Lei is a member of the Paper caste, the lowest and most persecuted class of people in Ikhara. She lives in a remote village with her father, where the decade-old trauma of watching her mother snatched by royal guards for an unknown fate still haunts her. Now, the guards are back and this time it's Lei they're after -- the girl with the golden eyes whose rumoured beauty has piqued the king's interest.

Over weeks of training in the opulent but oppressive palace, Lei and eight other girls learns the skills and charm that befit a king's consort. There, she does the unthinkable -- she falls in love. Her forbidden romance becomes enmeshed with an explosive plot that threatens her world's entire way of life. Lei, still the wide-eyed country girl at heart, must decide how far she's willing to go for justice and revenge. (Taken from Goodreads).

Our Ratings:

→ Geena: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

→ Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: We really enjoyed this book!! It was well-written, had both engaging characters and an interesting plot. The world building is well done, the plot twists are WILD, and the romance is wholesome. TW: Assault, but Natasha handles that well. The spoiler-full discussion is below the cut.

The Good:

Lei and Wren

Kae: Okay. So we have Lei, the main character with these ~wonderful~ golden eyes. She is taken from her home on account of her golden eyes and delivered to the King as a gift. This all happens because a guard wants to get back on the Kings good side. Now, our girl is a concubine

Geena: We also meet Wren and we know almost nothing about her other than she’s hot (according to Lei) and cold. In addition, a group of other concubines, one of which... Blue... has it out for Lei.

Kae: Wren! I liked Wren from the start. She captured my attention the way she captured Lei’s. She’s always watching. Always calculating. Always alert. We soon learn that Wren’s cold demeanor is just a facade and she’s secretly a bad bitch.

Geena: I agree, I also liked that Wren was written aloof, but not like an asshole like Blue was shown to be. Both Blue and Wren were from powerful families, but Wren knew how to act. Also! The development we see from Lei seeing Wren and just thinking she’s hot like every other girl and slowly falling for her was *chefs kiss*.

Kae: Watching Lei slowly fall in love with Wren was so nice to see. In a lot of YA books, the character meets the love interest in one chapter, then they’re declaring their love two chapters later. So it was refreshing to see them fall for each other the way they did. I liked how the audience knew Lei liked Wren, but LEI DIDN’T KNOW SHE LIKED WREN. Silly girl! Wren also takes her time with Lei and allows Lei to take the lead most of the time. They’re going at Lei’s speed and whenever she isn’t ready for something, Wren backs off like the suave lady she is.

Geena: Oh my god, you’re so right, I didn’t even notice. Wren is probably the most respectable love interests I’ve seen written in a long time, she didn’t force Lei into doing anything she didn’t want to. And like Kae said, it wasn’t INSTA-LOVE, also I don’t know if I’d classify this as YA? More like New Adult, since it does deal with mature subjects like assault. Also god, every time Lei was like “Wren looked ravishing, and it made me feel a type of way… I wonder why…” I wanted to throw my book, she was clearly infatuated but refused to acknowledge her feelings.

Kae: “NA.” That should be a genre. New Adult. That’d work really well. YA shouldn’t even be “YA”. It should be like, not “YA”. ANYWAY. UNRELATED. Yes. Lei had a BIG OL CRUSH. Like, GIRL. YOU LIKE HER. MAKE A MOOOVE. And then… Wren made the move. UGH POETIC CINEMA. Or... Poetic literature.

Geena: Overall, Natasha wrote a really sweet wlw pairing, and it was refreshing to read… Especially the fact that it was well written AND the main pairing, and not just a jab at “diversity” a lot of books tend to do. 10/10 Romance.

Worldbuilding

Geena: Time to dive into that furry shit. First off, the author takes inspiration from her Malaysian roots, which is cool and all but GODDAMN there was some furry shit going on. She did explain the class separations and overall history really well, right?

Kae: I 100% agree with you on the furry shit and how well everything is explained and written. So basically, we have the Moon Caste (the full on furries/demons) which are the ruling/upper caste. The Steele caste (humans who have partial animal/demons qualities) aka the middle class. Then last but not least (well, absolutely the least in their case), the paper caste who are humans with no special qualities. Except Lei, who has literal golden eyes.

Geena: Natasha did a really good job on simplifying the differences between the castes and the history that led to their current states. BUT I wasn’t sure of how her magic system worked? Like can only furries be shaman, how do people become shamans? Are they born with it, or is it Maybelline. ANOTHER THING, it was kind of hard to visualize the demons she described, only because my lizard brain always thought of the animals from Kung Fu Panda. Though one thing that threw me for a loop was the fact that Natasha chose to have a Bull-Form demon as the king, because 99% of the time Lions are used to represent rulers (It was cool ngl). What wasn’t cool was when Lei called the king handsome.

Kae: GEENA I CACKLED. But yes! Kind of freaked me out that she thought he was a cutie. Also was super interesting to not have the king be a lion. But I guess she was going for something different? It definitely works! Natasha also elaborated on the uh- *ahem* way that they’re all built the same when it comes to certain parts which made me think and I didn’t like my thoughts! First thought: HOW? Second thought: OUCH! Third thought: Size LMAO! But give it up to Natasha for explaining that in the simplest way possible without making me have any more than those three thoughts. Either way, moving on, did we explain that Wren, Lei, and these other girls are his concubines? I think we missed that. Surprise…? The Bull King also goes on to explain how he doesn’t have his own name. I also got a hint of him being a little… off. Off as in kind of crazy. Eh?

Geena: RIGHT I FORGOT that by the end the so-called ‘handsome’ Bull King goes batshit crazy, and I’m wondering if this was the product of the Sickness (which isn’t really discussed) or him being mad that he’s shooting dust and has no kids. Also, thank you for Natasha for constantly reminding us that he was jacked. BUT ANYWAYS.

The Bad:

Characters that DIED for NOTHING

Geena: Kenzo and Zelle were two different characters that provided both Wren and Lei with support as they all conspired to be free from the King. Kenzo (Wolf demon) being the King’s advisor and Wren’s training partner, and Zelle lowkey Lei’s confidant (who was also a prostitute). BOTH were passionate and the part of the same cause: Get rid of the King and liberate themselves. But then THEY DIE… FOR WHAT? For that BITCH to still be ALIVE?

Kae: Kenzo and Zelle. Both very likeable characters and both a little sketchy at the start. Just a little. But yes, as Geena stated, they totes died for nothing and it was such a huge let down to see them fall. Especially Kenzo (at least for me), because I thought he had a chance. In the end, he didn’t make it. You know who SHOULD’VE got murked in the end? Blue’s little annoying ass.

Geena: I LOVED KENZO. I have this bad habit of getting attached to side characters the inevitably don’t play a big role. It would’ve been cool to see his motivations behind getting rid of the King. Zelle, who was paper caste, had made her motivations clear. But Kenzo? Also, Lei and Wren essentially lost, as Natasha described it, a ‘brotherly’ figure. FOR WHA?. 0/10 character deaths that made sense. Blue should’ve eaten shit for ratting out Lei/Wren.

Kae: EAT SHIT BLUE.

The Ugly:

The Demon King

Kae: Alrighty. The Demon King aka little BITCH. The Demon King presents himself as somewhat of a decent bull-man at first. He is described as handsome and like Geena said earlier, freakin’ ripped. Suspicion of him not being too good of a dude came to me after he had finished with one of the girls. She came back bruised and beaten and shooketh. Didn’t like that. I assume these girls are a lot smaller than him so I expected him to be… gentler? At least considerate. But, that was just a glimpse. When Lei is finally summoned, she decides that she absolutely does NOT want the Bull-King D and fights the guy off of her. He doesn’t like that… at all. He’s up in arms and ready to fight because he has been denied something he wants. Lei is sent to what’s basically solitary confinement for a week with no food. But she does get a special visitor who brings her food and potential cuddles. The King doesn’t summon Lei for quite some time after that and when he finally does, he takes what he was denied from the start. The scene, thank goodness, is not described. But the after-thats what sucks. Lei is beaten and battered and bruised and has to be carried to her rooms. It’s horrible and I couldn’t imagine how that must’ve been. Especially since he’s a literal animal humanoid. Blegh.

Geena: KAE SUMMED IT UP SO WELL. The king, who has no name and honestly he doesn’t deserve one, is the embodiment of an entitled piece of shit that deserves to be made into ROCKY MOUNTAIN OYSTERS. The scenes that we get a glimpse of including him and the girls is scarring, he does NOT know the meaning of consent and it’s obvious the way he wrecks Lei that he doesn’t care. That made me unbelievably uncomfortable and like you said, I’m so glad that we weren’t subjected to a description of that. In addition, the King was also manipulative as fuck? The way he made Aoki (another concubine, and Lei’s friend) fall in love with him *cough* Stockholm syndrome *cough*. We hate his guts, and he should’ve choked on his blood but :/ I guess the fact that we hate him with such a passion is a good indication that he’s a well-written villain. How the hell he only have like 4 scenes but those 4 scenes just emitted the WORST VIBES. The moment lei said he was handsome and jacked I knew this bitch was going to fuck shit up (a handsome bull demon…. Like really,,, if we’re leaning into that furry shit the only handsome demons are tiger and wolf demons).

Conclusion

Kae: ALRIGHTY Y’ALL. So this concludes our thoughts of Girls of Paper and Fire. I give it a 9/10. I really enjoyed it and it was a good read. The story was very well written as were the characters. I hope we get to see a little more of the magic of this world in the next book. I look forward to what more Natasha has to tell.

Geena: I’d give it an 8.5/10, the 0.5 less comes from the fact that the bitchass king survived at the end. Personally, he could’ve died and there could’ve still been another book BUT I DIGRESS. AND I AGREE, it’s a well-written story with likeable characters, and I’m curious to see how Natasha tackles the mystery behind Lei’s golden eyes in the upcoming books.

#Girls of Paper and Fire #Natasha Ngan #booklr #book review #Lei Zhi #bookworm #Bookblr

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aimmyarrowshigh · 5 years ago

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aheavenlyrush replied to your post “I’ve been on tumblr since 2012 and I was even a John Green fan for a...”

i checked and it happened in 2015

aheavenlyrush replied to your post “I’ve been on tumblr since 2012 and I was even a John Green fan for a...”

i saw that jg post on my feed and i had no energy to comment on it but truly when i saw that you had i felt such relief!! i remember making that one post about stiefvater defending him and telling teenage girls to be quiet and the response to it still fucking haunts me i swear

Oy, was it really that recently? The last three years have taken 900 years. And yeah... Maggie Stiefvater’s post about it was a Really Bad Look, and iirc that was the environment that spawned the beginning of the batshit “Keep YA Kind”* concern-trolling thing (yep, also 2015) that was mainly used to silence girls and women and people of color whenever the four white cishet men in YA fucked up between 2015 and 2018, when it finally publicly came out that most of them were, yk, fucking up because they’re legitimately horrible people and maybe the people calling them out should have been taken seriously.

* The other notable “why the fuck is this happening???? why is HE the one getting the sympathy here?????” events from “Keep YA Kind,” which, listen, I would bet you anything that it was very very nearly called “Keep Kidlit Kind” until the only person involved with 1/4 of a braincell managed to realize the acronym on their Twitter handle looked REALL BAD:

Andrew Smith, a straight white adult man, says out loud with his human adult man mouth, that he knows he can’t write female characters well and relies on fetishization and stereotypes because he never really met a girl until his daughter (??? SO WHAT IS YOUR WIFE, ANDREW? CHOPPED LIVER?) and, being as that is Bullshit and also his books were also being lauded as though they were Infinite fucking Jest Jr. even though the interview in question was for a book in which mutant grasshoppers take over the earth and a teenage boy gets trapped in a bunker with a teenage girl who eventually has to git to birthin’ babies she doesn’t want and isn’t medically prepared to have safely For The Good Of Humanity, he’s called out.

He’s called out mostly on a technical, writing level at first, even! Like, “Here’s how to write a female character: you write a fully considered, well-rounded character. They’re a girl.” And Andrew Smith FLIPS HIS SHIT, does some op-ed about how his mother used to beat him so he can’t see girls as people, and makes his twitter private. The “Keep YA Kind” sycophants support him HARD.

And then this happens to pop up on a mysterious Twitter that just HAPPENS to start while HIS twitter’s offline...

NOTE: Jay Asher, author of 13 Reasons Why, was literally dropped from his publisher and SCWBI for being a sexual predator. So like, I don’t think he was bullied, I think his predation was being remarked upon. Like, idk, maybe that he was being called creepy or sth idk idk idk

And then when A.S. decided to unsockpuppet to promote his next book, The Alex Crow, which is about mutant crows and a bunker or whatever:

The “asshole” in specific that Andrew Smith was calling an asshole was delightful human being and fellow author Kate Messner, who, coincidentally, was one of the victims to come out against Lemony Snicket’s sexual harrassment, so she’s had a BULLSHIT time just trying to do her JOB of being an author while female.

Which leads to Tommy Wallach! All-around fucknut! Whose major interest seems to be being That Guy In Philosophy 101 Who Always Has To Be Devil’s Advocate, Even Though No One Asked, and has a deeply vested interest in making sure that teenage girl readers -- who are his target audience, because he chose to write YA, as an adult man who made a choice in what he wrote and chose to make it YA, and not, like, any of the hundreds of genres that AREN’T largely written about and for teenage girls, yk -- know that teenage girls are Dumb. Victoria Schwab actually wrote an essay for YA Books Central about the incessant problem that IS/WAS Tommy Wallach called “We Need To Talk About Tommy” back in -- you guessed it! -- 2016, but it’s offline now and I’m not going to go Wayback it rn.

I’m just going to copypasta YAinterrobang’s Wallach timeline because he’s exhausting, he reminds me of undergrad.

Wallach’s continual pattern of behavior is worth discussing, especially in the context of sexism in YA and the continual marginalization of “diverse” voices in the community despite the efforts of the We Need Diverse Books movement.

Wallach’s problematic behavior runs back over a year, starting with a defense of Andrew Smith where he ignores the opinions of author and advocate Tessa Gratton in favor of a dictionary definition of sexism. (Andrew Smith’s behavior and the fallout around his statements have, of course, already been documented on YA Interrobang in “The Curious Case of Andrew Smith, Twitter & sexism.”) Wallach postures that women are inherently “other” from men, accuses Gratton of “gin[ning]up the controversy” and explains that he is a feminist because he was “raised by a single working mother and she’s still my best friend in the world.”

[View Wallach’s defense of Smith and attack on Gratton as a .pdf.]

Fast forward to later that year. Author Justina Ireland takes to Twitter to discuss a book where she feels the black character is self-hating. Ireland, being black herself, is asked about the book in question; she says that it’s Wallach’s debut novel We All Looked Up. Though Wallach is not tagged, he swoops into the conversation and demands Ireland provide proof that his character Anita is self-hating before claiming that author Dhonielle Clayton, who is also black, is friends with him and “engaged” with him on the issues in the book.

Clayton later stated publicly that she had not done any sensitivity reading on We All Looked Up.

What brought Wallach’s behavior to the attention of the YA world as a whole came this past November in the wake of the horrifying terrorist attacks in Paris. When the hashtag #prayforparis went viral, Wallach responded with multiple social media posts and a blog post about how atheism was the only belief that could make the world a better place. (Though Wallach argues that it is not, in fact, a belief: “The fact that we have a word for it makes it seem like it’s equivalent to other belief systems, but it’s not. The absence of something is not equivalent to the thing itself.”)

[View Wallach’s comments on atheism as a .pdf.]

After Wallach Tweeted that he was a “a rabid atheist, and the world would be a better place if more folk were” – a Tweet he subsequently deleted before deleting his account in its entirety – he doubled down in a block post that outlined all the way religions failed and all the reasons atheism was awesome.

Those who tried to explain to him why this behavior was – to say the least – problematic found themselves quickly blocked or shut down; at once point, Wallach tried to explain anti-Semitism to Jewish author Hannah Moskowitz before claiming that “if [her]parents are atheists and [his]dad is Jewish, [he’s] as much Jewish as [her].”

(For those wondering, Wallach blocked me during this incident despite being friendly with me and having taken my advice previously; while he did believe me in regards to his behavior towards Justina Ireland, which you can see in Tweets above, my snarky comment to him about “the only good people are the people who are exactly like me” was, apparently, too much for him to take. As Wallach’s account has since been deleted and I purged my social media account in January, that interaction is no longer publicly available.)

Take this behavior in comparison to author LJ Silverman, who recently received a sea of anti-Semitic hate mail – including crude manipulated images of her in an oven – for Tweeting that she was worried about the upcoming election in the context of history. Wallach painted himself to be the victim, somebody “attacked” for insulting all of the religious folks in the YA community, while Silverman, who simply shared a worry plaguing her, became a victim of virulent trolls.

While Wallach deleted his social media accounts after this, there were no public consequences to his actions despite ill-will from the YA community at large. If another member of the YA community had spoken out – one of our Catholic or Islamic or Jewish or Mormon authors, for instance – the backlash would have been substantially worse, possibly career-ruining.

Wallach’s career, however, was not ruined; he recently landed a six-figure deal for a book trilogy centered around a “holy war.”

And thus, we return to Wallach’s dismissive comments on suicide – which, it turned out, were neither new or original. In a blog post deleted after it came to light during this discussion, Wallach rated “the top ten literary suicides (organized by emo-ness)” which included all of the characters of HBO’s Girls – “It’s really just a fantasy of mine.” – and, ranking at number one, Sylvia Plath – who is not a character but a real person who suffered from depression before taking her own life at a young age.

[View Wallach’s post on suicide as a .pdf.]

“I’m only going to talk about the fact that a successful YA author found it appropriate to glorify, romanticize, and mock what for many of his readers is among the highest causes of death,” wrote Schwab in her “We Need To Talk About Tommy” post. “That this author could be so very careless and flippant and insensitive about such a very serious issue is abhorrent. That two years after penning this post he still sees suicide as something to be made light of, to be used as a marketing tool.”

Simon & Schuster made no public comment about any of Wallach’s comments. His career, save for making enemies of some fellow authors, seems relatively unscathed by his callous actions.

Anyway, the moral of the story is, like, if you wanna read books by straight white dudes, go for it, but check them out from the library. Spend your book-buying money on books by women, nonbinary/other folks, and dudes who aren’t straight and/or white. Straight white men, PARTICULARLY in categories of literature that are largely targeted towards girls and women, and largely written by girls and women -- but published, edited, and marketed by other straight white men -- are lauded FAR above what they’re actually worth, as like, storytellers or human people go.

The Glass Escalator is a one-way trip to wonderland, but YA is a skyscraper that was built by women and I PROMISE you, whatever book by one of these dudes you’re considering reading, there’s a better version by a woman and/or person of color on the shelves nearby that just didn’t get 1/10th of the marketing money.

And of course there should be an effort to be kind on social media, but “keep YA kind”... to whom? To the people who were being silenced when they were pointing out legitimate problems with the behaviors of men in social power? (And one of whom, in the case of Jay Asher, was LITERALLY DANGEROUS BC HE IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.) Like, really? There had to be a hashtag campaign to silence dozens of people with legitimate, not-bullying-just-pointing-out-problems-that-are-problems-with-stuff-you-did-dude problems, to make social media feel more comfortable for four middle-aged straight white men?

As though the outside world isn’t comfortable enough for middle-aged straight white men????

#asks #aheavenlyrush

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serenagaywaterford · 5 years ago

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What if for season 4, they managed to come up with an interesting, coherent story line, and fully developed its main female characters, but they kill off Serena. Would you still be interested, or it’s Serena or bust? Well, the good Serena anyway...

Hooo sheeeet.

I DON’T KNOW OMG.

Quite frankly, I have no intention of watching S4 anyway, but I think I would literally not even be tempted if Serena was absent from it. She’s honestly the most interesting character, and the character amazingly, with the most amount of narrative development potential. Just because of the type of character she started as, and they slowly explored (and then pancaked...ugh.) June can develop and has, in the sense, they’re making her more unethical and amoral (immoral? I can’t decide.) as she transforms into a woman more similar to Serena. But where is that really going to go? Obviously, she’ll have her time on the dark side and something will bring her back to Good Pure June again (although I have my doubts she was ever that great a person to begin with). So, I mean June’s trajectory is pretty set. And if they follow The Testaments......... yawn. We all know how it’s gonna end. Serena however has potential to go all over the place, and her final character is unclear. Will she, won’t she, sorta thing. Which, admittedly, will get hugely tiresome if it’s the same see-sawing bullshit they put her through for S2.

I have a hard time figuring out what other main female characters even exist on this show other than June and Serena. Everyone else is secondary. Moira, Rita, and Emily are basically guest stars at this point. Janine... I honestly don’t care THAT much about her to have her be a main focus, and Aunt Lydia is boring to me thanks to S3. The other Handmaids like Alma are tertiary characters tbh. June and Serena are literally the only two main female characters on the show, so to kill off Serena would leave The June Show. And we all know how well they handled that in S3.

And the last thing anybody needs is MORE new characters. There’s already far too many.

Quite honestly, based on how they left S3, they’ll have to do actual legit MAGIC to build any sort of “interesting, coherent story line” for any character in S4. It simply isn’t going to be coherent cos the foundation isn’t solid. S3 was a motherfucking gongshow of a mess in terms of setting up future storylines that are organic and sensible. They are going to massacre the Serena storyline because they already have. Please don’t get me started on the rape arrest cos it is just SO absolutely bonkers and pulled from some 15 year old boy’s version of what international law is that I can’t even fathom how they’ll explain it rationally. AKA, it’s gonna be ludicrous for anybody who knows anything about law or politics.

As for the plane full of kids, meh. So, Rita’s out. Big whoop. I’m not sure exactly what that does for a long-term story.

June and her fucking Jesus complex is interesting in some sense if they choose to go dark with it, and not just present it as desirable and she’s some sort of superhero -- which incidentally is exactly what they’ve done so far, unfortunately. I mean, it would be great chance to explore trauma and how war/torture/etc. really warps people and damages them, and changes them into the type of people they maybe would have hated. You know? But the show seems to be going the cheap and easy way and instead of doing that, it’s just “Ooh! June is SO COOL NOW! She’s such a kick ass girl power icon!!!!”

NO. She’s fucking broken and traumatized and getting really fucked up.

So, I suppose if the show grew any sort of balls and awareness, it could present an interesting, coherent story but I have no faith the writers would do that. They’re too up their own asses, and too obsessed with appealing to the lowest common denominator in their audience, instead of actually challenging the audience.

But, when it comes down to it, I think I am Serena or bust, tbh. I think if the show had done something different in S3 and given some sort of satisfying depth of story for Serena, even if they had killed her off in the finale or early S4, it would have been tolerable and I maybe would have stuck with THT. But considering the pure bullshit of what she was given in S3, I just... nah. Without Serena, this show is meaningless to me. I give negative shits about Nick, Fred, Lawrence, Luke, or Lydia. I don’t particularly even care about June or Emily anymore, sadly. I like Alma, Moira, and Janine but not enough to carry a show. I am still fascinated and enthralled by Serena, for some batshit reason even tho she was royally fucked in S3.

And I mean, I gotta give it to Nick stans, as much as I can’t fucking stand 99% of them, they sure stuck with a show that had no intention of giving them any more Nick to the bitter end and that is not the type of staying power I have if they’d done the same to Serena.

Not to mention, even by the producers own words, the Serena/June dynamic is central to the show... but I guess things can change. And they certainly tried to change that in S3 (and FAILED HORRIBLY in that execution imo).

So, yeah, I’m Serena or bust, I suppose. I just don’t see any other point. I have little interest in anything else.

#Anonymous

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jonwongton · 5 years ago

Text

KCON LA 2019 Recap

Wow what an insane three days. My expectations were pretty low from KCON NY but I was really impressed by some of the events they had at the convention.

I'm just gonna use everyone's real names in this because it's too hard to remember everyone's handles.

Thursday, August 15th

After work, I went home, made dinner, packed up, and then went straight to the airport. The flight from San Jose to Burbank is literally an hour gate to gate (45 minutes of flight time lol) so it was a super short flight. The only pressing thing was that some of my discord buddies were doing karaoke in ktown so I really didn't want to miss out on that. My mvp sister came to the airport to pick up all my stuff and I ubered straight to the karaoke place to see everyone (I forgot to take pictures though :(). Jordan started me off with Rough and after they sang a ton of other girl group songs, I did Red Flavor and Energetic. We didn't want to go too hard before the convention even started so we all decided to meet at the convention before noon. The izone fanclub meeting was at noon and the fromis_9 fanclub meeting was at three, so I definitely wanted to go to both (all six moderators for the two fanclub meets are in the group I went with).

Friday, August 16th

I woke up at like 9 and I went with Cyn to go get Trieu Chau noodles, which tasted even better than I remember.

Everyone wanted to get lunch in between the fanclub meetings but I don't trust eating in big groups and I'm pretty good at not eating for long periods of time in case anything happens.

I got to the convention at around noon, but it took me around half an hour to check-in because my dumb ass was so lost. I'm super glad the lady that gave me my wristband let me tighten it myself just so I could take it off freely between the three days. I also went to the merchandise pick-up and got my two fromis_9 slogans and a loona slogan. I ran over to the izone fanclub meeting right after.

There were a ton wizones there and they played three rounds of games through kahoot guessing these random ass facts I don't even think a hardcore wizone would know. We then did the Violetta and La Via En Rose fanchants and it ended there. After that I walked out with Nick and Danny and we went to the mob so they could try buying their izone and itzy hi-touches.

So the mob in LA was batshit insane and the hi-touches were marked up SOOO much higher than I ever would have guessed. An A1 pack is $170 and it comes with one hi-touch, two audiences, and a red carpet pass (ignore the red carpet pass I don't think anyone cares about that). Stray Kids/Ateez hi-touches were easily going for $300, and I heard someone got really desperate and dropped $700 for her Ateez hi-touch. Out of the nine hi-touches that happened (should have been ten but rip Chung Ha) my feel for the prices went something along the lines of (+ their average price from what I saw)

Stray Kids ($350) > Ateez ($300) >> Izone ($200) >>> Itzy ($150) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> SF9/Mamamoo ($100) >>>>>>>> Momoland ($75) >>>>> N.Flying ($50) >>>>>>>>>>> Verivery ($40)

Yeah people are insane. And with the audiences I'm pretty sure you have a solid 7/9 chance to make a huge profit. If you posted in the Facebook group and did the "dm me your best offer" I'm pretty sure you'd be able to sell your Stray Kids hi-touch for $600+. People were even buying Stray kids audiences for $100 like are you serious...

The supply and demand was also super polarized. We waited for almost an hour and not even a single person had an itzy/izone hi-touch for sale, yet there were probably at least 10 people willing to drop a nontrivial amount of money for anyone that came up. If you're willing to pay this much money to touch a few groups, diamond doesn't sound that bad anymore (all-access hi-touch, plat only gets 2).

I stood around and talked until like 2:30 until making my way to the fromis_9 fanclub meet. I think loona was at star square at the time so the turn out was even smaller than New York imo.

(decorating the stage with my signs)

We played two kahoot games and I actually won the guess the song after only hearing one second of it. There were nine questions and I legitimately knew seven of them, but they used the same questions in New York so I knew the last two were Youth (Hayoung's cover)/From Now (Jiwon's and Nakyung's OST song). That won me a medium size KCON LA 2019 shirt, but that was just a consolation prize. fromis_9 hadn't even left Korea yet so there's no way we could get signed merch. We then did the Love Bomb/Fun/Love Rum Pum Pum fanchants. I didn't go that hard on Love Bomb, but MVP Danny helped me hold my phone so I went full blast on Fun and Love RumPumPum. Ngl the Love RumPumPum fanchant was literally impossible unless you already knew it because the timings are so strange and no one can actually read romanized Korean fast enough (the subs didn't have the hangul). I'm kinda the fanchant guy so I really wanted to drop all that Korean practice at this opportunity.

After the fanclub meet, I finally got a chance to walk around the convention. This was my first KCON LA, but I heard in previous rooms they only got half the expo hall but this year they got the whole thing. Everything was spaced out pretty well and there was a ton more to do than in NY.

I walked around for a bit, took some pictures, and then sat on a bench to hang out with Danny for like an hour since all the others went to go line up for KCON Rookies (there had to have been at least 1.5k people waiting).

(that’s half the line)

All memes aside, it's nice to actually get to know some of the back stories behind some other friends. Danny and I realized we both ulted GFriend and fromis_9 and how willing we are to just throw money at both groups lol. I gave the extra fromis_9 slogan towel I ordered to my new friend and he left for Rookies since he was plat and had priority entrance. I made one more lap around the convention, said hi to an old friend, and then called an Uber to get dinner with my sister and two college friends.

It was a pretty fancy Japanese dinner that was definitely not worth it, but we got Salt and Straw after and that was awesome.

We walked back to the apartment of two other people that joined us, and I left for Dan Sung Sa to meet up with the rest of the group after Rookies. I finally got to see my buddy Alex (he got diamond so he was busy milking the perks the whole day), ate some good food, and I drank a bit more than I should have.

After dinner #2, I ubered back to Cyn's and planned to wake up fairly early to go to LAX.

Saturday August 17th

fromis_9 took off on their flight from Incheon at around 8pm our time, so they would be landing at around 10am PDT. The izone artist engagement happened to be at around the same time (11am, a ton of people in the group at hard core wizones), so only a few of us decided to go to LAX. I took an Uber to the airbnb and then we all went to LAX together. We also heard Stray Kids, Mamamoo, and Verivery were on the same flight, so we'd coincidentally get to see a ton of idols. At the airport, I met some fans from other discord servers and we just sat around waiting for them to come out of the special exit.

A lot of the group went on Thursday to greet loona/izone at the airport, but a ton of them didn't even get to see them because they were waiting at the wrong exit. I kinda piggy-backed off their experience and made sure I was sitting at the right one.

After standing around for quite a bit, everyone formed two huge lines waiting to greet them. I wanted to stick out my hand for them to touch, hold up my Jiheon sign, and try recording it at the same time, but I only have two hands. I ended up placing my phone in front of the Jiheon sign and keeping my right hand free. They walked out super fast, but Jiheon pointed at me and laughed at my sign. It really only lasted 10 seconds, and I felt pretty mission-accomplished knowing Jiheon saw my sign at least once. Jiwon lead the line and I keep forgetting how smol she is. (I’ll post the video I got eventually).

The next artist that came out was Stray Kids, and they were super nice and waved at us. All hell broke loose When Mamamoo came out like I'm genuinely surprised the fans there were that crazy. First of all, they are SOOOOOOOOOOO short. I've seen pictures of Mamamoo standing next to GFriend and while they all tease Eunha for being 5'4", she's still taller then Solar/Moonbyul/Hwasa. The fans chased after the van and started screaming Mamamoo for a few minutes before dispersing. At this point, most people left, but out of no where, N.Flying also exited the airport. Ngl, I thought it was gonna be Verivery but when I only saw four members I made the connection. I was looking at the footage I recorded of fromis_9 that I couldn't record N.Flying coming out fast enough. There was nothing left to do so my group just ubered back to the LA Convention Center. Tbh at this point, this trip was already better than all of KCON NY minus what happened at Washington Square Park because I already got to see fromis_9 in person. They made 0 appearances at the NY convention and the day I went to the airport, they weren't even flying out so at this point, the trip was already worth it.

It was around 12:30pm when we got to the convention, and I was with all three fromis_9 fanclub moderators, so they got to go through the staff entrance while I wanted in the pleb line. Once I made it into the convention center, I rushed over to the KCON beauty station where loona was having a meet and greet (started at 12:40pm). There were SO many people and even on my tiptoes I could only catch the top half of the screen, though if I held my phone up I could record what was happening.

A few people moved out of the way and I could kinda see Haseul's and Choerry's faces but there were so many orbits. I couldn't really hear what they were saying, but every time Chuu said something, the orbits there were roaring (she is undisputedly the most popular member among the crowd). They ended up just talking about some beauty tips and how they do their makeup, so I kinda knew what to expect when fromis_9 were coming tomorrow.

The meet and greet ended on time around 1:10pm, and at this point, I was starving since I hadn't eaten the whole day. We were gonna go to the food trucks to get food but we got the inside scoop that izone was going to be making an appearance at the Olive Young booth. A huge wall of people were already forming, but I decided to wait on the left wing where there were still cameras but much fewer people. I ended up recording the entire segment. We were trying to not be obnoxious yelling their names when they were doing something, but the entire crowd would call a member in unison until they did a little dance for us. Chaeyeon really won my heart with her fan service and Yujin gave us a ton of attention too. The cameraman there actually told us to cheer for them louder so he could record us LOL.

It was around 2pm now, so we waited around for more people to gather and we all headed to the food trucks. The street food they had was obviously overpriced but pretty good compared to the normal food they'd have in the convention center.

There was nothing interesting left on the schedule for me, so I just walked around the convention center looking for something to do. I heard some screaming around the KCON stage, so I sprinted over and caught N.Flying's appearance. They were presenting the winner of some Cover Star K award, but the more interesting part is that they sang a snippet of Rooftop for us.

Kyla tweeted that she'd be at the convention center, so a group of us walked around to places we thought she'd be at, but we didn't end up finding her. I walked back into the convention center and saw another mob at the Star Square, and it turns out N.Flying was reading off horoscopes and taking pictures with the fans that won their meet and greet.

After that, I stood with James in the middle of the convention, and literally just so happened to bump into a group of maybe 30 people trying to meet up with Kyla (they nominated one person to DM Kyla on twitter). I followed this group around and we ended up moving to three different places until we found a spot that was fairly empty. I had a feeling Kyla was coming soon, and I made sure James and I were standing closest to the entrance. Kyla appeared with some other friends and when we formed a line get a picture with her, James and I were in front lol (I went second). She recorded a video message to a fan's friend that couldn't be there, and I told her she was amazing and such an inspirational figure in the kpop community. I got a hug and a picture with her.

It was like 5pm now, so I broke off from everyone and sat at a table to drink some water, recharge, and plan out my schedule for the rest of the day and for tomorrow. At around 6pm, I walked over to my friend's hotel a block away from the Staples Center, and we sat around just hanging out before the concert. Nick showed me his izone lightsticks (yes multiple, apparently wizones customize a lightstick for each member) and Brian showed me his entire kpop photocard set (there were so many holy shit). Since we were all seated tonight, we just left the hotel at around 7:15pm and got in around 7:30pm for the preshow. The free ticket I got was part of a set of three, so the two people I was sitting with were also friends of the person I knew.

The view I got was also amazing, I'm surprised at how good P2 was (I would have taken this over P1 because P1 is kinda lower than I'd like). I'm not really invested into AB6IX, Ateez, or SF9, but when Loona came out I lost my shit oh my god they were amazing. AND I FINALLY GOT TO SEE LOVE PAINT LIVE. One of my favorite songs of all time performed by OT5. I was kinda sad Nu'est did real love true love instead of look because look is my #2 song by them, but I guess they couldn't repeat the set list from NY.

After the concert, we split up into Ubers and went to BCD, which had a ridiculous wait because we were definitely not the only ones going after the concert. Everyone was starving and tired, but I'm pretty sure izone and loona knocked us all off our feet.

We planned to line up for P1 GA at around 8am and all parted ways. I was already super tired at this point, but Saturday was supposed to be the easy day compared to Sunday when fromis_9 would be appearing

Saturday August 17th

I got up around 7:30am and ubered back to the convention center, though I was late as hell and had sprint to join my friends standing in line. Actually I was so late that I had to make up some excuse of going to the bathroom and returning to my "spot in line". I got 596, but my friends that did GA yesterday said they had 400 and still got an amazing view.

I wasn't too worried about it since I wasn't going to camp out overnight and I had buddies that knew what they were doing. It was around 9:45am, so David gave me his convention pass so I could get staff entry into the convention (he was going back to his airbnb to grab some stuff).

We had enough passes to go around so I think five of us entered the convention early and went to the KCON message board to write some nice things. I wrote something super similar to what I did in NY, and then wrote something for GFriend somewhere else.

(shoutout to Anh for spelling Gyuri’s name wrong)

While I was finishing up my message for GFriend, I saw people sprinting into the convention center and Jordan started screaming my name to come over. I followed my instinct and sprinted towards him, and we got front row seats at the KCON beauty station. There were around 20 other people sprinting too, and I was actually pushed to the side by two girls that got there first. I had no idea people would come three and a half hours for fromis_9, but I think it's because people figured out how to do it with Loona. I befriended the two girls next to me since we'd be stuck together for a while, and I realized they were angels.

I even got to push down other people's stuff so I could make room for Danny and Alex to sit front row with my group since they were plat/dia but didn't get early convention access. At around 11:30am, I left with Stephen to go get food, and I really got to know his back story too. It was mainly just sitting around until 1:30pm when fromis_9 would make their appearance. During our wait, we all signed Alex's sign which he was going to try and hand off to a member during the concert.

To fromis_9,

Thank you so much for coming to KCON LA 2019. Starting from last year until now, listening to fromis_9′s songs or watching your videos have given me a lot of strength. That motivated me to teach myself a new language and inspired me to always be a better person than I was yesterday. I’ll always cheer you on and love you. Shall we be together until the very end? Fighting!

- American Flover Jonathan

1:30pm eventually came around and fromis_9 made their appearance. I recorded the entire segment here, front row and dead center :). I was shaking before they came out, but if I hadn't seen them as close as I did in Washington Square Park, I think I would have been shaking even more. Saerom walked out and waved at me, Jiheon walked out, saw my sign, gave me the same reaction as she did at the airport (lol), and I was able to get waves from all the other members (Nakyung, Jiwon, Jisun, Gyuri, and Chaeyoung for sure). Throughout their entire appearance, we were calling them by their nicknames during their downtime, flashing hearts at them, smiling, and these nine angels did the same back to us. At the end of the performance, I jumped out of my seat seeing if I could hi-five them, but Nakyung waved at me, Saerom waved at me, I asked Hayoung if she remembered me from New York (she did!), and told Gyuri she was beautiful for Ice (and for me because she's gorgeous). Honestly, the convention could have ended there, but we still had a concert to go afterwards. It was around 2pm and people wanted to go get food, but we heard Mamamoo was going to make an appearance at 2:50pm so we stood around waiting for 50 minutes. They showed up, I once again confirmed they were super short and everyone left to go get something to eat. I already ate earlier and had no plans of eating for the concert, so I actually broke off from the group to go to a panel.

I was definitely chasing idols this weekend but there were some panels I was interested in. The one I wanted to go to at 3:30pm was the "how to study/work in Korea", so I recharged by myself for around 30 minutes and went there.

I asked the presenter a ton of questions (she was super nice), and then left a bit early to join a few others at the Verivery fanclub meeting (we had nothing else to do).

I tried meeting up with the guy which I reserved a banner from, but I couldn't find him around the convention anywhere. It was around 5pm, so I left the convention once and for all and went back to my friend's hotel to wait until the GA concert queue up at 6pm. At this point, I was tired as hell and somewhat scared my phone battery was gonna die because I was at 44% (I used 20% to record the 25 min fromis_9 appearance). Luckily he had a charger so I got up to 55%. We just chatted about how excited for the concert we were and where we were gonna sprint to.

At 5:50pm, we left to the GA entrance and tried cutting in line, but got caught because some girl snitched on us lol. The first security guard told us "we should go to the right place in line" but just left, but then his supervisor was the actual person that kicked us out. We had to go through security and get three additional wristbands before we could actually start sprinting toward the stage. The 10/10 spot we wanted was taken, but I was really happy with the final spot we got because any closer and I wouldn't be able to see over the stage.

The concert was absolutely amazing. I was familiar with every group that was performing so there was almost no song where I wasn't super hype. Miroh lived up to the hype and I think the entire stadium was shaking and yelled stray kids together. I did the entire Fun! and Love RumPumPum fanchants so loud people in the pit pushed my forward to the barricade and the guy next to me offered to hold my camera so I could finish off Love Bomb (my recording). Seventeen was also insane, we got Good To Me (I don't think non carats knew the song that well but I lost my shit because I loved it way more than Home), Adore U, Clap, and the infamous Aju Nice (which was insane). I think the third encore was a little unnecessary, but we were all losing our shit because it was so fun.

During the encore stage, I was waving my Jiheon sign, and Chaeyoung walked over and saw it. She had to tap Megan for a solid 5 seconds before she also noticed but I was already super content because they had seen my signs three times (LAX, at beauty, and at the concert). Once we gathered together, we all jumped on Alex because Jiheon had taken the sign we all wrote messages on and then took a group picture.

We were all super shook outside, and I was kinda ready for my KCON experience to end here so even if they wanted to go out to eat, I was ready to Uber back to Cyn's and call it a night. I said my final good-byes to everyone (everyone got a super tight hug) and headed back.

---

I can’t believe I got to see fromis_9 twice in a year. I’ve been a pretty big fan of kpop since 2015, but I’ve never materialized this hobby until fromis_9 summoned me to KCON NY a month ago, and there was no way I wasn’t going to LA to see them again. I already had some regrets not going to LA last year and seeing how much fun they had in their behind the scenes videos, so I wanted a story of my own. So I guess my identity as a fan is really as a fromis_9/GFriend ult now, but I still refuse to pick a bias (I was probably asked like thirty times who my fromis_9/GFriend biases were this weekend...). They really are angels, and while it wasn’t perfect (no artist engagement, messed up some recording etc.), I’m still so happy I got to meet them.

On a side note, loona is amazing. They were so sweet in person, their performances were incredible, and that’s really a reminder that I need to go through the rest of their pre-debut tracks I haven’t listened to yet.

I also did some math and I’m pretty sure if you like the groups on both days, platinum is definitely worth it (diamond if your thing is touching all the artists, but it’s hard to get your full money’s worth giving how fast everything goes and how bad KCON is at announcing everything).

Platinum was 1121.48, and if the regular GA is 462.98, the convention ticket is 36, KCON rookies is 45, the random swag they give you is 50, and the hi-touches are around 141.50 on average (use the 9 numbers I quoted above with Chung Ha’s being $50), then that only leaves 294.50 on the cost of the ticket. That buys you a dedicated pit so you don’t have to camp out overnight, getting to cut all the AE/entrance lines, and getting into the convention early (probably more worth it for NY since it’s two days and stuff actually happens Saturday, getting in Friday for LA doesn’t matter much, but then you could just have the staff pass). To be honest, the peace of mind that buys already sounds worth it to me, so if the line up is good enough, I’d definitely go for plat if I could get my hands on it.

We also realized we had been spelling 플로버 and 프로버 the entire time (confused the spelling with 프로미 which doesn’t have the extra ㄹ). I realized what I wrote for fromis_9 in NY has a typo and I made the same typo in LA. I fixed it on the sign before Alex handed it off, but I take that as a humble reminder that I’m still a foreigner and need to study a lot harder. :’) All kpop memes aside, some people are here just to chase after idols, but in addition to being a fan, I’ve been trying to embrace a new culture and language along the way. I’m still working really hard on vocabulary right now, and I still have every intention to pass TOPIK 5 by next year.

I’m also so glad I went to KCON LA with a group. Going alone would have been a terrible idea because you’d have no inside scoop on what’s going on, no one to switch off spots with, and no one to hang out with during all the down time. I’m really thankful to how much the discord group helped me out this weekend. I’m sure we’ll meet again.

To close it off, here are some of my favorite pictures with the friends I went with

#kcon

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