#I still think about them sometimes I love them. my kids

[uniquesmalltreasures]

Not to discredit the excellent advice above - it derails from what the OP was saying in the first place.

Because no, I feel that what @scarlet-letter-s-for-soft so beautifully described is not what the OP was describing: a manipulative tactic.

See, all of the situations above come from a place of kindness and understanding: you need to communicate with people you form relationships with, you need to put effort, though how that communication works and how much of that effort will be put in is different for different people. You need to look at the attachment styles and figure out the needs of others and work on that.

And then you have people, who will not do that. But they will give you beautiful promises and when you do meet with them you will receive attention and love or friendship or intimacy that you will treasure. And that feeling of being precious to them will keep you with them, on their orbit, without realising that none of the promises were kept. That your requests for another meeting were negotiated to suit them or were discarded. That your needs are getting neglected. But the beautiful words are still there:

“I love talking with you and can’t wait to see you again”, just without a follow-up meeting. So if you can’t wait, but do not propose a meeting, what should I get from that? It’s an empty but pretty promise.

“I do not like putting labels, but you know how important you are to me”, no if I was important you would at least talk about my needs - and in this instance the need to define our relationship.

“I am just so busy, with work and all that is going on right now, you know? I will let you know when my schedule opens”, but if it does not, unless you start pulling back and they need to hook you up again.

The father described above is not the father that does nothing and leaves their kid, without paying child support and then re-enters their life when he needs to borrow money. The friends that get busy in life or need a me-time will still be there for you when you need it even if it’s once a year or if they drop you a message or show how they think of you in a different way. It is not the same as when someone wants to manipulate you in liking them but without giving anything back - just words, or sometimes extra attention so you will stay hooked.

I am not a psychologist, and I know shit about attachments styles etc. But I know manipulation and negotiations for compromises are not the same thing.

So normalise someone’s lack of effort as their lack of commitment to you, lack of interest and drop that person if their effort ends with words and they give you some follow-up action only when it’s convenient to them, not necessarily to you. When they only take and never give.

Or sometimes, even if they gave you something, pay attention. Check how you would feel if someone was treating your loved ones in the same manner. Make sure it is not screwing you over or worse, screwing with your other relationships.

Letting go of people is also a skill and it is not easy. But sometimes that is needed for your own well-being. If you are kind to others, be also kind to yourself. Know when someone is only offering you sweet talking, and no action that follows the words.

Normalize seeing someone's lack of effort as their lack of interest in you regardless of what they tell you. Giving you all of the right words, but none of the right actions is called manipulation. If a person wants to be with you, they prove it. Period.

[horsechestnut]

I think my ideal Steph, Cass, and Tim dynamic would be that they're all best friends, but they can not all hang out together. Like, if you ask any one of them who their best friend is they genuinely will not be able to pick between the other two, but all three of them together triggers each of their insecurities in the worst way and always leads to a fight.

Like, Steph and Cass are so affectionate with each other, and constantly flirting and Tim assumes their teasing, but what if they're not, and oh god is he third wheeling on a date between his ex-girlfriend and his sister? They don't actually want him here, they invited him to be nice and he was to oblivious to realize it wasn't genuine. He should leave. But before he can come up with a believable excuse they've changed topics and... hang on, did Steph just say her dad threw a book at her once? Because so much of Steph and Cass's relationship is built on an understanding that they won't make a big deal when they mention something messed up about their past that they just say stuff like that, but Tim does not have that same understanding. So Tim hears that and instead of rolling with it, it's "Steph you can't just say that like it's not a big deal... why is Cass laughing? You can't laugh at that it's fucked up! I don't care that it was a long time ago!" And now Cass is confused and Steph is angry and Tim feels like shit for probably ruining what they wanted to be a date and frustrated that he's being treated like he's overreacting despite being the only one with a normal reaction to child abuse. Mostly he's terrified that he screwed this whole thing up somehow and neither of them is going to want to hang out with him again.

Meanwhile Steph and Tim are so intrinsically linked to each other. They've shared things they will never share with anyone else, they were each others first love. And Cass understands that, she does, but it's hard sometimes seeing how easy they are with each other. The way Steph knows Tim's upset without having to read his body langue the way Cass does or Tim can predict exactly how late Steph will be to any given situation. More than that though, what truly makes her want to hide away from them, is the history they both had but didn't share. The sly comments about Tim looking like a character Cass has never heard of or jokes that make no sense but send Steph into laughing fits. The kind that when she asks are brushed off with "it was an old meme" or "just a show from when we were kids". The reminders that she isn't normal, she can never really be like them. If she doesn't ask most of the time it doesn't occur to them to explain, it seems so obvious to them. They start doing a synchronized dance from some movie that came out when they were in middle school and Cass slips away into the shadows. Later she gets a string of concerned text that slowly turn angry when she doesn't answer. Cass never tells them what was wrong.

And it's hard for Steph to look at Cass and Tim and not feel jealous, because more than just being friends, they're siblings. They are full members of the club, Bruce's children, let into the fold in a way she never can be. She doesn't even want to be anymore if she's being honest, but it still stings. They'll casually mention family dinner or reference inside jokes from the last Wayne charity whatever and Steph will feel the growing desire in her chest that she can not, under any circumstances, let anyone see. The desire that has caused her so much pain, she will not give it control over her again. And Cass calls Tim Robin sometimes, and he calls Cass Batgirl in return, and Steph has to bite back the urge to scream at them that she was Robin too! She is also a Batgirl! But it doesn't matter because she wasn't Cass's Robin or Tim's Batgirl, and it drives her insane that they're romanticizing that time, because don't they remember how much of an asshole Bruce was back then? And now Tim is mad at her for bring up the past as if they're not the ones who started it, and Cass is assuring her that Bruce has changed, and maybe he has, but it's to fucking late! He already ruined any chance of Steph every feeling fully comfortable with her place in their lives. So she storms off, fuming, leaving a baffled Tim and Cass to go enjoy their stupid family dinner.

So yeah, they are best friends. They all love each other more than they know how to say, and trust each other more than anyone else in the world. But they can never all hang out together. That only ever ends in disaster.

[tls12lessthan3]

points at you dramatically

Hot take about ORV, go!

ooooo ok this is a little difficult because i feel like i've been very loud about my hot takes so im not sure if i have many untold ones. hmmmmmmmm. recently i've been really pissed off about people calling orv 'basically a bl' because orv has one of the weirdest relationships with queerness ive ever seen and id love to see it talked about more. like orv is so much weirder about being gay than your average queerbaity novel of this genre because it is in conversation with its genre and its fans so you get this. simultaneous mocking and validation of queerness throughout it? sing shong clearly knew that people would ship joongdok and as they often do with various expected reactions by the readers they turn to the camera and provide commentary on it through the constellations or specifically uriel. uriel is a prominent member of the constellation gang who kim dokja values which represents fujoshis being a prominent part of the fanbase who sing shong value. so there is that validation of queer fans who see themselves in these characters (which is explicitly what uriel is and who she represents).

but she also spends so much of the book being mocked and derided and that in my opinion is also sing shong turning to the camera and saying 'yes you are valued readers and your relationship with this story is as valid as any other. that gay stuff is still kinda freak shit though'. which is. complicated! it's complicated! and normally when i see fans call webnovels which are not bls 'basically a bl' or 'gay as hell' or whatever i do not care but i feel like when orv is so obviously actively discussing those fan reactions there should be a little more nuance surrounding them. like idk i very much understand the impulse to ignore homophobia in our favourite stories and just have fun. and i think you can have fun sometimes but it does have to go hand in hand with an understanding and critique of sing shongs attitude towards queerness otherwise you are losing chess to a dog which is actively mocking you for doing so. also theres so much fucking transmisogyny in that book like i see so few trans women in the fandom and its for a good fucking reason and no amount of headcanoning yoo joonghyuk as a trans woman is ever gonna make that go away as much as we can try. like theres a reason the queerbaity moments got removed in the ebook edits and not the transmisogynistic ones and thats because theres so little discussion and backlash about it when there really needs to be.

so idk if this really counts as a hot take but i think orv is weird about being gay in a really unique and interesting way and it would be a lot better if we discussed it more as a fandom rather than sweeping it under the rug. and also if the official english translation keeps in the pink kids as villains i am blowing up the publishing company.

[alacants]

inspired by that ask: i guess this begs the question of what jannik is to carlos, what he sees/saw in that man that nobody else did etc like. does carlos ever resent him / their rivalry / janniks sometimes lack of reciprocity? is it complicated for carlos too? what is it about that carrot that is so compelling to someone like carlos

boy have i had a lot of thoughts about this one. presumably during that one magical night match in alicante there was tennis chemistry. as a tennis savant himself carlos can sense the It Quality in someone else. but the response, as a promising young player, to identifying  talent in another player is not by definition that you talk them up constantly for the next several years. it is not by definition to call them your one and only rival. so carlos doing so could be because of something very special about jannik himself. (for rpf purposes: love at first sight, soulbond, overwhelming thirst, you name it.) or it could be because of a more general hunger. 

namely, the hunger for someone else who gets it. a hunger which would only intensify the better you get. if you are a prodigy, no one else is going to understand your exact experience but another prodigy. (this is 1. the kiss of death for runeraz 2. juanki & carlitos bedrock. in whatever way you wish to take that.) 

hopefully it's obvious that this does not mean that's the only path to a meaningful relationship—you can take this idea, or this assumption, and go a million places with it. (what if the two of you shared the same experiences but have diametrically opposite takeaways, what happens when you stop being a prodigy and they don't, what does it mean that someone who doesn't get the experience still gets you.) but it is undeniably a very very specific experience. and it's pretty normal when you're early in the process to think, my friends and loved ones don't get it, and i really really really want someone to get it.

meanwhile, jannik has expressed, more than once, doubt about the worth of the relationships he's formed after becoming successful—he's said that he knows his old friendships are the real thing because they have nothing to do with tennis. he's said that thanks to clostebolgate he knows who his real friends are. he's experienced a rapid version of the prodigy hype/backlash cycle: this kid is a surprise talent??/this kid doesn't have it after all/grand slam vindication/doping backlash. he does not trust this environment, or most of the people in it.

i see it as: carlos has never experienced real serious negatives as a result of his talent and passion for tennis. (broad generalization but: stayed close to family, supportive and stable coaching environment, financial stability, quick and overwhelming success, no serious injuries or psychological breakdowns or reputational scandals. so far!) tennis is inarguably a good thing, and he wants more of a good thing. whereas jannik's experiences with tennis have been much more emotionally ambiguous—significant personal sacrifice leaving his family at a young age and struggling to secure finances, the choice between a close personal relationship and the professional success that would validate those sacrifices, clostebolgate. 

so one take on this is that carlos feels that tennis is more real than real life, and therefore his non-tennis loved ones are missing out on something essential, and jannik feels that tennis is less real than real life, and therefore his non-tennis loved ones are the only ones whose love he can trust. (interestingly it's probably darren and simone who are doing the most damage to this emotional barrier over the past six months. but in rpfdom carlos would sure as hell be trying haha.)

i think what i'm saying is that i really want to read the jannik/tennis slowburn, where tennis is carlos???? 

drifted pretty far from your ask here so to end on a lighter note. it has to be the tennis, because if you put aside the tennis, WITH LOVE AND LIGHT TO JANNIK, you're left with lanky floppy carrotman vs teen thirst trap machine. (i love lanky floppy carrotman. im just saying.) this is something that only further sells me on the ship, the fact that i honestly do NOT really see it but carlos apparently does. there is a thing my friend and i refer to as "seeing CarlitosVision", which is when a certain photoshoot/styling choice/video angle/trick of the light captures jannik in such a way that he looks, like, objectively hot. the difference is that jannik looks like this to carlos all the time. 

(yes jannikblrs i know that he also looks like this to you guys all the time. that is exactly the point.)

[wlwsoccerfics]

Communication is Key (Sydney LohmannxGwinnReader!)

(Part 2 of Knocked Out)

Warnings: mentions of epilepsy, mental health struggles, relationship arguements

It has been 2 months since you had to give up your soccer career. It sucked and you still weren't over it. But now there was no secret in the way of you moving in with Sydney. Honestly there was no way that she would let you live on your own and neither was your sister Giulia. The two and your friends have learned how to deal with your epilepsy and what to do in case of an emergency. And now you were an Assistent Coach for the team. It wasn't the same as playing and being so close to the field still stung a bit but it was better then anything else you could have imagined for yourself. You also apologized for your behavior because snapping at the people that love and care about you isn't it. Probably wasn't gonna be the last time though. Cause you are only human.

Sydney walked to her car with you. Holding hands. You always were a Passanger princess so the fact that you weren't allowed to drive with your health issues wasn't bothering you at all. "Did you take your meds, babe?" She asked you. "Yes my love. Don't worry about me. Things are fine!" You told her but of course she was gonna worry. It was her duty as your girlfriend. And in all honesty you always were worried about her as well when she wasn't feeling so great. Even when it was just a cold. That what love is all about, caring about the other Person. "I am gonna worry no matter what! Cause you are the love of my life! You are stuck with me!" Sydney answered with a smile. "Is this a threat?" You asked jokingly and pulled her close. "Just kidding, you are the love of my life too. I sincerly believe what we have is for forever!" You told her, kissing her softly. She kissed you back before opening the car door for you. You thank her and sat down in the passenger seat. She closed it and walked around the car to get into the drivers seat. "For the record i sincerly believe what we have is for forever as well!" Sydney replied and started the car. You put on some music, connecting your Phone to the Bluetooth of the car. The two of you drove in comfortable silence, Sydneys hand resting on your knee for the most part of the 15 minute car ride.

You walked inside together once Sydney parked her car. You two kissed eachother before going your seperate ways. She got changed while you went to meet up with Alex to have a little chat about today's practice. "Hey y/n!" He said. "Hey Alex! So last practice before the game against Wolfsburg. Which we need to win! It's important that we work on standards cause those will be really important. Given that is how we can Score since out of the usual Play it will be hard to get even slightly close to the goal or even make it into their half of the field." You said and he chuckled softly. He appreciated how focused you were and how important this all was to you. Even though you had to give up playing.

At the same time with most of the team getting changed...

Giulia was talking to Sydney about you. Being the concerned big sister she always was. "Syd is she actually okay? I feel like she is not actually dealing with the situation. It has me worried. The fact that she said 'no' to therapy after her dreams were crushed. And the fact that she tried to hide it from us before...i don't think she is dealing with it like she should!" Your sister told your girlfriend. "I do think the same sometimes. But she always keeps promising that things are fine!" Sydney stated. "Maybe we should try and talk to her together!" Giulia suggested. Lea who was sitting next to them, putting her hair into a ponytail. "Guys she might think that it's an intervention if you try to sit her down to talk about that! I mean it is ... but still...she might be even more closed off if you go on about it like that. It needs to be in a more causal way!" Lea told them. "Yes, listen to Lea! I am not a child and i decide when i need therapy...no one else!" You said from the doorway of the changing room. all eyes were on you now. "Babe..." Sydney tried to talk to you but you were quite upset so you stopped her, holding your hand up. "I don't want to hear it, Sydney! You two just could have talked to me when we would hang out with one another and make it sound like you are just checking in and not discussing my business at work. In front of our friends! I am so upset and angry with both of you! Sydney and Giulia!" They knew they messed up because you never used their legal names. It was always: Syd, Babe, Baby, SydBear or something cute like that. For Giulia it was always : Giuli, G, Sis, Things like that. Neither of them had the chance of saying anything else. Because you left. Walking towards your office on Bayern Campus.

Your head was pounding and you didn't feel great at all after that argument or confrontation whatever you wanted to call it. Tears in your eyes. You couldn't even see where you were going at this point, which is why you almost ran into Lena who just got back from physiotherapy. She quickly stopped you. "Y/n? What's wrong?" She asked. "Lena?... Nothing, well...i had an argument with Syd & my sister! They talked about my mental health in front of the entire team. I hate that they talk behind my back about me that way!" You explained to her. She opened her arms to offer you a hug which you gladly took. Stepping into her arms. "They just worry about you! We all do! You mean so much to us! Especially to Syd & Giuli! Your sister loves you so much and would do whatever for you and Syd is so madly in love with you that she still blushes when someone mentions your name." Lena told you. "I know Obi i know. Maybe i was a bit unfair but since they knew about my diagnosis they watch me like Hawks. And sometines when Syd does it then it feels like she is my Care Giver and not my girlfriend! I Love both of them too! With all of my Heart and Sydney for sure is the love of my life!" You told your friend. "Maybe talk to them about how you feel?" Obi suggested as the two of you let go of eachother. "Good Idea! Thank you, Obi! Means alot to me!" Lena smiled at you. "That's what friends are for!" She answered. The two of you said your 'see you later' and that you would soon meet on the field. You just had to grab something from your office.

You sat down in your office chair, opening your Laptop to print Out some statistics. A knock on the door interrupted you though. "Yes? Please come in!" You said and looked up from your laptop. Both Giulia and Sydney walked in, looking like kicked puppies. "Can we Talk?" Your sister asked which you agreed to with a nod of your head. "Please sit." You told them. Giulia sat down on one of the chairs that stood in front of your desk Sydney sat down in your lap. "I am sorry, Angel face!" Your girlfriend whispered out, kissing your cheeks gently. "That's mean, Syd! I am trying to be mad at you!" You replied but couldn't help yourself, you just have to smile. "I am sorry as well, sis!" Giulia told you. "Fine i forgive the two of you! But please next time you are worried just talk to me! It has been two weeks since my last seizure and it was a minor one! Just an absence seizure. I get that you worry! I worry about the two of you as well when you get hurt or are not feeling well. But maybe we start to communicate better? Cause i really want things to be normal between us! And not like i am a helpless toddler. You worry more than Mom & Dad!" You explained, altough your parents do worry alot and you know they often would asked Giulia about how you are doing. Sometimes they would also call Syd to get an update on you cause you often would just say you are fine so they wouldn't worry. It was a circle of emotions really. "We are sorry! We both gonna try to be more chill, right Giuli?" Sydney promised you. "Yes right!" She agreed, nodding her head softly. "Good! And i promise i will also talk to my therapist about everything that happened in the last couple of months." You just wanted to let them know that you were dealing with it in a healthy way!

Around a month later Sydney proposed to you after they won the Champions League finale. Which of course you said yes to.

The following summer you got married, your teammates, families & some friends were there to celebrate with the two of you.

You officially were y/n Lohmann now and you couldn't be happier about it.

(There will be a part three and maybe a Part four)

[boofindoopin]

ugh everything is ow

BREIF MENTIONS OF SA

Fun fact about me! I adore Epic the musical! I, uh, definitely do not adore PJO. I obviously don’t care if someone likes PJO, like, I had my phase too. But, I do need people to know WHY I dislike one Greek mythology retelling and dislike the other.

____________________________________________

I, personally, don’t even consider PJO/HOO, TOA Greek mythology retellings that they market themselves as. I consider them stories loosely based of Greek mythology. When I say LOOSELY I mean it. Many, many, many creative liberties were taken with that series.

I would consider Epic: The Musical a greek myth retelling. Yes, it takes creative liberties, but, not to the extent PJO does. You can tell Epic is telling the story of the Odyssey and Odysseus throughout the whole soundtrack, a stark contrast to PJO where you have to sit there and say to yourself “was this part of the myth, or something Rick Riordan made up?”

Neither are accurate sources of Greek mythology, obviously. Retellings shouldn’t me where you get your info from, kids. I’ve read the Odyssey and can personally tell you that Epic isn’t always accurate to the source material, and it cuts out a lot of things, (Ex. You know, the SA….)

Even though Epic cuts out some things, it is still a lovely retelling, even though the things they cut do bother me sometimes, I can get over it. Also, the fandom is mostly amazing. All of them are so so talented. The songs are banger too, No Longer You and Hold Them Down are actually so amazing.

____________________________________________

I don’t enjoy PJO for two big reasons: The fandom, and the actual books

“But Marcella!” You cry, clutching your pearls. “The PJO fandom is comprised mainly of children!”

Yes, I was one of those children many years ago. Now that we are all grown up, there are also adults in the fandom. I honestly think sometimes they are almost as bad as Disney adults. Sometimes I question if they even know what the Iliad is. I can’t be in a fandom where no one knows their Greek mythology. There are few things that bring me joy in this life. Those things are: Thanatos, Greek myths, carbs, coffee, Ares, Aphrodite, books, and on the rare occasion my friends and family. Let me have my myths please.

The books, along with butchering Greek mythology to the point I don’t even think it can be called a retelling, it also has some questionable shit. The whole thing about the fucking NAZIS, ARE WE FORGETTING ABOUT THAT? WTF WAS THAT? Also y’know, giving poor Nico every possible controversial character trait and aspect, so you could kill him off of it got too much hate. (I know your tricks, Rick, I’m a writer too)

Also, in a book where children have goodly parents and worship the Greek gods, you could have researched Hellenic polytheism just a little bit. Like, it isn’t that hard. Please bro.

————————————————————————

Anyways, point is, I’m not saying you can’t like PJO, and you can’t dislike Epic. Like whatever the frackadoodle you want. I just wanted you guys to know I have my reasons for being a hater.

[your-unfriendlyghost]

sodapop patrick curtis thoughts on my desk by the end of the week or ur DONE /j

How I feel about this character

  Uh like he’s perfect and should be my wife i think

  Nah but fr Soda’s one of my favorite characters ever. He’s sweet and all, but he’s so much more than that. Pony says he’s movie-star handsome, that he can go from gentle one minute to “blazing with anger” the next, that he gets drunk just on living, and understands everybody. Soda’s a Kerouac-style “mad one”- “mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes Awww!”

He’s a guy who’s sensitive but strong, a “bawl baby” who’s tough, he’s probably got ADHD and dyslexia, the school system failed him. His folks died and left him holding his brothers together by a thread. He’s pretty but not pretty enough for Sandy to stay. He might end up dying in Vietnam, and thank God that isn’t canon, but it’s still there. He’s happy to live life simply, behind a white picket fence with a wife and kids- hell, he’s thrilled to. But that’s not gonna happen, at least not for a while, because Soda is a tragedy. But he loves his brothers and his friends so much that he becomes a beacon of hope despite it all.

  I love Soda. Honestly, this barely scratches the surface of how I feel about him. I haven’t even touched on the adrenaline junkie stuff or the ways he’s sometimes so relatable to me that it hurts. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Steve, and sometimes Evie. 

  I’ve found I’m a friends-to-lovers enjoyer, so Stevepop scratches that part of my brain lol. To have someone who’s got your back through thick and thin, aware of your flaws but in spite of them- well, ain’t that the dream? The angst of it being the 60s makes it interesting to me too, because there’s a lot of ways to handle that. Man, when I first read the book I didn’t get the hype for them at all, but idk. It clicked. I get it now. 

  And then Steviepop is my roman empire lol. It’s all I love about Stevepop, but Evie adds even more complexity. I like her a lot and I love writing her, and I love writing her with characters who I also love. There is absolutely no canon anything to back this ship up. But dammit that’s the point of fandom.

  I will say though that I like exploring Soda’s dynamic with Sandy, but I don’t really ship them. I think the fact that Sandy left him (and I mean cheated on him, even if that can be read ambiguously) implies that there’s something about him that could be undesirable, romantically. I don’t mean cheating is good or that people deserve it, just that in this case, the idea that Soda’s an imperfect boyfriend adds layers to a character who is mostly just positives. We’ll never know Sandy’s POV on it, and I don’t think Soda will either. Sandypop to me will never have closure. That’s what makes it hurt so much. That’s what makes it relatable

My non-romantic OTP for this character

  I mean honestly? Steve. I know this isn’t really fair, since I like Stevepop and all, but idk, there’s no one else who I think it could be. 

  Steve’s a character who’s cocky and troubled and prone to assholeish-ness, but even he loves Soda. He knows about Sandy and gets angry on Soda’s behalf at Pony for mentioning her, which means Soda can tell him- angry, tough Steve Randle- about sensitive stuff. And Soda, who I think is a little in love with everyone he meets and could have anyone he wants, sees this bastard and sticks with him. He sees the parts of Steve that Pony can’t. Parts that make him worthy of being his best buddy.

It’s been said before, but no matter how you look at it, romantic or platonic, they’re each other’s person. I don’t think I could put anyone else in this slot.

My unpopular opinion about this character

 I have a few lol.

1- I see a lotta fics and takes where the whole “drunk on living” thing is a lie Soda feeds Ponyboy, and while I like that take, I do also think it’s totally possible and even plausible that Soda really doesn’t drink and Pony’s view of him (in that aspect) is right.

  I dunno, I mean, I know firsthand what it’s like to just get drunk on adrenaline/excitement. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug, and the rush from it is better than any other high I’ve had. Thrill rides make me act as stupid as someone drinking- when I’m excited, I lose all ability to filter thoughts or fight impulses. I’ve done all sorts of dumb moves- climbing onto tables, singing loudly without knowing or caring if it bothers people, play-fighting my buddies so hard we both get genuinely injured, standing up in a convertible going down the freeway... (This is obviously anecdotal and not real evidence or anything, but like, duh. This is an opinion piece lol.)

  I guess what I’m saying is that there’s a lot of interesting things that can still be done with a Soda who genuinely doesn’t drink. (Or at least not much.)

2- I love darker takes on Soda. I love when people dig into his addictive personality, his temper, his relationship with his looks/self image, all that stuff. I love his flaws, and I especially love when they co-exist with his earnest sweetness and genuine sensitivity. In a few of my fics, I’ve explored some slightly darker Sodas- Sodas who are impulsive, pent up, semi-narcissistic and occasionally manipulative. I haven’t delved deep into it or anything, and I usually keep his character wholesome, but I love it when other folks don’t. 

3- I actually really like the Vietnam War storyline. I mean it hurts, but it seems plausible. I hate the idea of him dying there, but I like exploring the idea of him being drafted. Hell, maybe he even enlisted. The military is known for being a good way to earn enough money to pull one’s family out of poverty, and this paired with the flawed ideas of masculinity and strength of the time lead to a really interesting version of Soda’s future.

  I’m real glad it isn’t canon though.

4- This isn’t technically unpopular but brown eyed Soda will always be canon to me. I like Rob Lowe’s Soda a lot but man….he coulda used brown contacts, yk? /hj lol

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Well I still think it’s a crime his emotional monologue got cut outta the original version of the film. Thank God for the full novel version, but man, still.

Woulda also have been cool to see him mentioned in That Was Then This is Now, but I get that SE Hinton wasn’t trying to make an Outsiders sequel really.

Idk, Soda served his purpose, I think. 

tl;dr- I love him

[ramshacklefey]

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich and The Things They Carried rewired parts of my brain. The Odyssey was a real treat. (Especially when some of my classmates who found the language rather opaque started gathering around me at morning homeroom to hear my retellings of last night's reading assignment.)

But I know some of you probably have or had a miserable time in English class, and that may have been partly because your school didn't properly prepare you for reading the books ahead of time, so you were just totally at sea all the way through.

If that's the case, here are some tips for getting more enjoyment out of a book you're struggling with!

Look up summaries of individual chapters (CliffsNotes usually has these). Then go back and read them. Having an idea of what's happening might help you follow along with language or writing styles that you're struggling with.

Let yourself skim over particular passages you're baffled by and latch onto the ones that make sense. Finding points that you can follow might help you make sense of the trickier ones by providing context.

If you don't understand a character's motivations, especially in older books and books that take place in a foreign country, it might be because you're missing context. That's okay, and your teacher isn't expecting you to have encyclopedic knowledge of the historical and cultural context for a book.

But also, even in the most unfamiliar circumstances, you can look for things that make sense to you. The characters are still people, and regardless of context, people are still people.

But also, sometimes you just can't relate to the character. That's ok. "Well I would never ____" Yes, but this person did. And here's why. In the world they live in, it made sense or it was the only thing they could do. And there are people in real life who do that. Now you've seen a little bit of why.

You don't have to like all the characters. Some characters (even the protagonists) you're supposed to hate. Sometimes that's because the author is saying, "This bastard is fucked up, but do you see how he got that way?" Sometimes it's, "This bitch made every wrong choice possible, but damn if it didn't make some wild drama."

Remember that sometimes the author may not explain exactly why something happens because it's supposed to be a bit of a mystery at first! Keep reading and see if it gets explained later!

Look up words in the dictionary!!

If you're having trouble keeping a lot of characters in your head, make a cast list. "John is Mary's brother and he's a bit of a dick."

It's okay if there are books you simply do not vibe with. Give them a fair shake, but really, even the kids who love English class are gonna have books they hate. I despised a few of the books I read for school. But remember that struggling with a book and not liking it aren't the same thing!

And for the love of everything holy. Ask. Your. Teacher. Questions. Write them down while you're reading and ask! If you're scared to ask in class, talk to them at another time! But I can guarantee that if you didn't understand something, some of your classmates didn't either. If your teacher is remotely competent, they'll be delighted to answer your questions.

And there are no questions too simple to ask in class!! "Why did this character do this thing?" "What's up with this sentence?" "I tried reading this, and here's what I think the events of this chapter were. Is that really what happened?" "What the heck is a ____?" "Why was this bit in here? It doesn't seem like it's important to the plot." "How do we know that ____ theme is in here?"

Yes, there are themes and symbols and motifs and whatever else in books. Your teacher isn't just making it up. People tell stories for a reason. The author is trying to communicate something to you. "Well why didn't they just say that?" Because saying it in a story shows you something about it. I can tell you, "Love isn't always enough to save you." or I can show you that by telling you a story about two people who fall in love and then get their shit wrecked. I can tell you, "This war happened and it was awful," or I can show you the people who were in it and what it did to them. I can tell you, "The government is a corrupt pile of festering feces," or I can show you what might happen if we keep going on the path we're on.

And you might not agree! You can say, "No, it wouldn't happen like that." You can say, "But this war was worth it because it resulted in this." You can say, "Actually, this particular social outcome seems pretty rad to me." That's okay because stories are a conversation, not the word of God from on high. But again, give the author a fair shake.

The most important thing is that you don't just give up if you're struggling. You're in school to learn! So accept that there are things you don't already know.

I straight up do not trust you if you did not enjoy a single book you had to read for English class. I know they assigned some real stuffy stinkers and the curriculum varies across districts but not one? Not The Outsiders? Not The Picture of Dorian Gray? Not Fahrenheit 451? Not even Frankenstein? Damn. That’s crazy.

[eusuntgratie]

as a certified mom(tm), what's the most common thing people get wrong when they write children?

ooooh i love this question! (adding certified mom to the resume STAT btw)

i think the MOST common thing people get wrong is the realistic development/representation of a child at a certain age. i see lots of fic where a three year old is speaking in full sentences, where an eight year old baby-talks all the time, where a six year old has literally no concept of what is happening in their life. i saw a good tumblr post that was a great resource for writing kids by age that i'll see if i can find. but with how many moms are on tumblr, i think just asking them... how would a five year old talk? or how would a ten year old handle this type of situation? would be a great start.

there are other things that are always jarring for me as a parent that someone who doesn't spend a lot of time with kids might not notice or care about.

the first is that your (young) kids are ALWAYS around. you are literally always responsible for where your kid is and what they are doing. if they aren't with you, you've made a plan for where they are, how they'll get there, when you'll pick them up, etc. there are exceptions of course (people living on huge pieces of land or in neighborhoods where they know everyone are more likely to have their kids running around and might not know exactly where they are, some people have multigenerational households and have a lot of help). but even in those cases, the parent still knows and is responsible for that kid. there's nothing wrong with writing a kidfic that isn't realistic just bc its cute or you like the trope. but as a parent its jarring as hell to have a character introduced as a parent (especially a single parent!) and then the kid is never around. i promise you that man is not fuckin' or going on dates as much as you want him to be 🤣 or if he is, it took a LOT of work or he has a LOT of support.

related to this, every parent i know is exhausted. if their love interest isn't attracted to their eye bags or letting them sleep instead of waking them up for sex, get outta my face. the sexiest thing a partner could do for a parent? LET THEM SLEEP.

related, we do fuck with kids in the house. (cough cough chris going on sleepovers 3x/week in fic 🤣). its okay. you can make keeping quiet sexy. you can lock the door so you'll hear it if they need something without traumatizing them. you can use a baby monitor to keep an eye or ear out. we don't wait until our kids leave to have sex, or some of us would hardly ever have sex.

a few random notes and i'll wrap up. kids aren't (and shouldn't be put in the position to be) solving their parents problems for them. most kids won't immediately trust a new adult, especially if that person is dating their parent and their other parent is still in their life, even if they really like that person. a parent would not leave their child with their brand new love interest unless they had literally no other option. i have some issues, but there are very few people i trust to be alone with my kid. someone i don't know well would never make it onto that list.

lastly, parents fuck up. we aren't perfect. i try really really hard to break generational shit, to do better, to be a good mom. i've read lots of books, done tons of therapy, found great resources, done parenting groups, i consult with other parent friends and friends who work in mental health about challenging situations. and i fuck up all the time. kids, even great kids, are little assholes sometimes. nobody's perfect, and that's okay. nobody's kid is a perfect little angel 24/7 and nobody is a perfect parent.

my askbox is always open and i always love to talk about writing! thanks for this it was a fun question to answer <3

[judasisgayriot]

In my heart I still know that Gretchen with all her true crime weird girl energy, Zach with his filmmaking skills and Claire with her literal ability to get cut open and have limbs torn off without being harmed are out there being gay and making low budget slasher movies together in the woods. I know this to be true it was revealed to me in a vision

[mohntilyet]

despite not feeling like illario should be a parent or mentor figure to absolutely anyone at all. and of course lots of media has done "unhappy mentor to a young child that ends up getting attached". but have we all considered the idea of illario finding a fledgling that's been tossed aside or had their house stripped from them, sees his failure reflected back at him . right . and before he knows what he's doing and against his better judgement and his arrogance and his pride, illario brings them into house dellamorte. to start it's just to piss off caterina. give it about a month and he'll start projecting his own desire to succeed and since he can't rise above his own humiliation then this fledgling HAS to. and then he gets attached. and then during particularly gruelling and horrible crow training, illario reminds himself of caterina. right then and there he would have to decide if he can stomach turning into her, or if he can finally begin to understand the unconditional love that lucanis has always felt towards him

[brionysea]

#i'm never getting over Max being the only one defending Mike in early S3#even his best friends since childhood are fed up but she's still defending him and saying it's not that bad#max wants to be his friend so bad#and then.#she met El and got on a feminist side quest because she convinced herself he's actually a raging misogynist#i love them<3#they're so fucking stupid#sometimes you need that sidequest to become truly close friends and it's beautiful#also yes to the caption (I got sidetracked)#people need to stop putting words in Mike's mouth and just stay on his level#platonic madwheeler#mike wheeler#max mayfield

you get me @stranger-feathers. I also got distracted by max's feminist side quest in my tags before going 'no, stay on topic' and deleting them, but it's interesting, actually!

the only context s2 max had was how sad mike was (which these two have their own understanding of, while the rest of the group seems to struggle with knowing how to deal with them) and how it was because of el - survivor's guilt, the trauma from seeing a girl turn to dust in front of you to save you, whatever

that, combined with the wheelers home life being - while not like max's, Not Fun - is how mike ended up driving hopper nuts by hanging out in the cabin for 6 months straight. mike missing el + mike not wanting to be at home + mike feeling comfortable talking back to hopper the way he isn't with his parents + mike feeling the pressure to be in a romantic relationship with el but not knowing how to do that = mike and el making out for months on end and only rarely having a real conversation

el, as always, doesn't really have the context to know how things work and is just going along with it until max tells her she gets a say. when el was living with hopper, she missed mike so much it became a point of conflict (as a cover for el's lack of autonomy, which mike never really did to her; when el was living in mike's basement, she wandered around all the time, and in s3 mike was only repeating HOPPER'S words of el not being 'allowed' to go shopping; hopper recently locked mike in a car and went off on him, of course mike thinks max is insane for breaking his rules), so el would listen to mike more than hopper during a petty disagreement. mike treated her better; he never sold her out to brenner, for a start. even when el DID listen to hopper and stay hidden, she ended up hitchhiking to new york or wherever to go against his rules, because she didn't think breaking them made her stupid

so the set up is a whole lot of mike's feelings crashing together and influencing his actions. hopper, by virtue of mike's talent for being so annoying, forgets about that (despite the s2 scene where hopper saw mike's feelings finally explode, precluded by the two of them arguing over el) until hopper interacts with mike's parents at the end of s3 and sees that they have NO IDEA where their son is, in contrast to joyce freaking out trying to find the kids while hopper made fun of her. then the whole time the kids actually were in danger and joyce was right, as usual, which seems to make hopper chill out. max, who spent s2 trying to get mike to talk about his feelings so they could be friends, also seems to forget that he has any the second el gets involved

which, let me be clear: el definitely needed feminism. her friendship with max, which el initially refused because of jealousy over mike, was so needed. el keeps getting hidden away and controlled by men (brenner, mike, the boys, hopper); sometimes for her safety, sometimes that's just a thing they say while not realising or caring about how they're also suppressing her autonomy, and not questioning their patriarchal need to control women and girls, but in s3 that doesn't seem to be an issue anymore. because of the tone shift, it's not really addressed, but the best I can figure is that el's safety was no longer a problem because nancy burned down the lab and ran them out of hawkins (look at that! legitimate feminism! solidarity among girls - barb's justice - improving el's quality of life!!! I love it here)

I think mike, by virtue of living in a sexist society, WAS sexist. not to the extent that the fandom makes it out where he's the bane of all evil, but he was so caught up in the emotion and fear of losing el again that he wasn't questioning whether his need to keep el tucked away and safe from the world was fair to her until max raised the issue. before that, while mike was trying to be straight, he was kind of infected with the more blatant heterosexism, because that's 'normal' (think billy being such a ladies man that max knows what happy screams are, but also calling women 'cows' and 'bitches'; lucas and mike calling women 'a different species' is like Baby's First Dehumanization)

before that, when it actually seemed like an organic character flaw rather than mike conforming, you see it the most with max - 'this is the boys room' 'yeah, so?' 'so you should go home' comes to mind. max was probably making it a bigger issue than it is, the way mike's SHE'S CONSPIRING AGAINST ME comes across (she kind of was though lmao - like, sexism is definitely a real problem that max isn't making up and people taking that kind of challenge as a personal attack when it's not is really common, but max DID seem to be making Girls vs. Sexist Mike a whole thing), but it wasn't a baseless accusation. probably, max just can't stand up for herself when people are sexist towards her and was using el as a buffer. in s2 max only asked lucas if they weren't including her because she's a girl, even though mike was the one to make the weird boys room comment and max argued with him about other stuff 2 seconds later, and she didn't do more than roll her eyes at billy

remember how mike mouthed off to hopper because he can't mouth off to his parents? max does the same thing to mike because she can't with billy. hopper and mike are emotionally and physically safe to engage with, and the show spending a lot of time trying to convince you otherwise (hopper is legitimately scary at times, like when he threw the door of el's room open thinking mike was in there again but it was really MAX, the girl with a violent home life, which must include things like violently slamming doors open as a precursor to more direct violence) without anything actually HAPPENING proves it. they're not safe because they were born with no moral impurities, they're safe because they put the active effort in to be safe. they could be just like everyone else, which s3 puts a lot of emphasis on, but they ultimately choose not to be. nobody is born a feminist. women tend to get there faster because we're directly harmed by misogyny, but after their argument, both mike and max do listen to each other. mike apologises to el for acting so controlling and jealous, and max works with mike to protect el (from flayed!billy) in starcourt

mike could so easily be Not Our Mike. his family has money and a nice house, unlike will. mike has white privilege and never has to deal with racism, unlike lucas. mike doesn't have a visible disability like dustin. he's not a girl like max and el. mike could EASILY slide under the radar as that wheeler kid with the big house without having to deal with any of this, but he feels more at home with the outcasts of society instead. the mike we initially meet is so lovable because he'd been choosing to be true to himself rather than taking the easy route for years. or in mike's words, I guess, asking will to be his friend was the best thing he's ever done

max defending mike and choosing the words he uses to defends himself with is actually something that can be so personal

[robinfollies]

some design comcepts for older lily + lewis!!! my latest and greatest headcanon for them is that in the future they get gems and can do magic of their own :33 i just think it’d be neat,,, something to do with their love of magic!!!! 🥺

[seagull-scribbles]

I want you to tell ‘em that you love the way that they don’t stick out like sore middle fingers

[Continuation of this]

[dandelion-system]

Hello!

I’m not sure of the extent of our covert-ness, as a couple of people have said after our diagnosis that they ‘had a feeling something was going on’. But, nobody ever bought it up before our diagnosis, except the occasional snarky comment from my mum that I acted like ‘a 2 year old’ sometimes or I was just ‘not the dandy she knew’

But other than that- im reckoning that we were pretty covert.

I (Raven) haven’t been around as long as some of the others, so I’m gonna go off what they’re telling me. But according to them, when we were physically younger, we would very, very frequently have conversations with, arguments with, debates with ourself using we/us pronouns. As a kid we just told ourself we were using the royal we, and woke did it when we were alone. But we did it. Lots of disagreements over food and clothes and what games to play or shows to watch- and also a lot of ‘mum is gonna kill us’ ‘stop being so dramatic ugh look at us!’ ‘Why am I talking like this?’ ‘I’m just gonna be quiet for a bit now.’

I wasn’t aware back then that these were alters, but it’s the earliest I can say that we have been communicating.

Come our early teen years, and this I remember doing myself because I was a little weirdo as a 13 year old- we got really into spirituality, both the meditation kind and the ghosts kind. I think it was me and Cass, and I was more ghost and Cassie was more meditation. Anyway, I was like, 90% sure we were haunted, and I would talk to the ghosts in my head. I was hanging around some witchy people at the time so I was completely convinced this was normal. Cassie did a lot of visualisation meditation, and she got actual VISUALS! she met up with Sasha most, but saw some others. I don’t know and she’s asleep so I won’t bother her.

Pre system discovery, communication was not exactly easy or something we understood. Post discovery, it’s been a bit better. We’re still covert, except for the people who know our diagnosis.

The thing that started making us think about being a system was actually a psychology class. We were doing a childhood unit and talking about how emotional needs need to be met for regular development, and I started thinking, and I started realising that we actually had a really rough time of it. A bunch of circumstances and bad environments had likely led us to develop a bunch of the ‘irregular’ behaviours we were studying in class. We’ve always been curious, so we started looking at patterns in behaviours.

Eventually, we found that the only things we could see a pattern in was memory loss. This led us to discovering dissociation and how it can cause amnesia.

Fast forward a bit, and we’re looking into things that cause dissociation and consider DID. The host at the time starts noting shifting food preferences, shifting gender, shifting opinions and feeling of what age we were, shifting priorities, likes and dislikes. It’s a while before anything comes of this, but we start noticing patterns. We always feel x, y, z at the same time, for example one of our alters, who we still struggle to distinguish we sorta have a checklist almost? Feels like a boy, but not fully, loves the rain, hates milk, feels 14.

Some alters have been easier to communicate with than others just due to willingness to be seen and heard. Others still try and hide away from front, mask as ‘host’ or pretend to be another alter so they don’t get noticed.

I think I may have rambled a bit so I’m sorry about that. I think overall, what I’m saying is that it’s been a journey to be able to communicate with parts, even after being diagnosed for two years and knowing about the system for three. Some parts still won’t communicate, some that used to now refuse, and some like myself have slowly been able to get more confident in talking. But it’s really fluid. Sometimes it’s like no one is there at all, and sometimes it’s like there’s 5 or 6 of us in front, and it’s so loud then. Sometimes I can see them trying to talk to me, or feel it? But not hear it. Sometimes I can hear it but can’t see it. Sometimes we need to be dissociated to communicate properly. Sometimes it takes a lot of focus to communicate. It’s going to be different for each alter, too. I can almost always communicate with James and the few littles that always hang around, but I’m not so great when it comes to other alters.

I guess it all just comes down to patience. And not being afraid to get it wrong. Anyway, I hope this was helpful and not just a big old ramble haha. I hope you’re okay too!

Any systems who were very Covert before discovery how did you discover/start communicating with your parts?

Anymore resources or personal experience would be helpful to me, whether through this post, or my ask box if you want to remain anon

Note: i do not know any confirmed names or information about them please do not give me resources that only contribute to already established/known parts, thank you.

[shima-draws]

Grips my shirt and tears it apart so that all the buttons go flying and SCREAMS I love Law and Cora so much what the FUCK!!!!