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ugisfeelings · 2 years ago

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Actually, I regret that ask. I don’t want to excuse the anthropologists and linguists, and thinking back over what I wrote that’s kind of what it sounded like I was saying. That is not what I meant to say.

,I’ve always found Kroeber allowing the Smithsonian to take Ishi’s brain after death disturbing and unforgivable, but I think it’s easy to simplify the story of Ishi’s years at Berkeley.

Gerald Vizenor, an Anishnaabe scholar of Native American studies at Berkeley has written a lot about Ishi, and his life at Berkeley, and about the choices he made about how he presented himself and how he told Yana-Yahi stories.

There was a terrible imbalance of power inherent in the dynamic where Ishi was living in essentially a foreign culture and needed to rely on Kroeber, Sapir, and the others, but at the same time he was also invested in their project of “preserving” his language and culture. (Of course salvage ethnography does not actually preserve culture— recording isn’t enough. You need living, thriving people, and you need to dismantle colonialism.)

hi! thank you for writing and if it is okay to publish, i did not interpret your reply as an excuse for anyone and upon rereading my own post addendum, realize i myself did not responsibly articulate ishi’s time at berkeley with all the proper historical contingencies and respect i had wanted to. yes you’re right, ishi’s actual story is much more complicated than just the set of discourses i referenced and i was careless and obfuscatory in my shorthand (’studied,’ ‘specimen,’ ‘display’-- these were not the contemporary language to describe his tenure there until after death n i shouldve said/cited more). im glad you brought up gerald vizenor bc he was among the first to propose renaming a uc building after ishi, and i wish i had thought to at least link his incisive essay, “ishi obscura” (2001). anyways there’s much to address that i took for granted in my post, and i hope i can take this as an opportunity to clarify a bit here and direct to more sources—

first, to explain my own point of entry into this ‘discourse,’ i initially came of awareness about ishi’s story in 2020-- namely during the messy back-and-forth abt removing kroeber’s name from berkeley’s anth hall, to which my anthro/lit friends n i closely followed from the east coast as we engaged in our own institutional battles against [redacted]. much of the blog posts, internal documents, op-eds, and other journalistic coverages are still up online, which i revisited while drafting the post. they formed a lot of the more recent conservative “scholarly” perspectives insisting on ishi’s so-called happy “celebrity” status and kroeber’s “disordered mourning” decision to remove ishi’s brain, which i found myself unconsciously arguing w/ within the post lol (this is all from nancy scheper-hughes). this obvs came at the expense of fleshing out ishi’s own participation in sharing his cultural knowledge and hermeneutical agency in narrativizing his life story, but vizenor and norman denzin (building on vizenor’s ishi and the wood ducks, which i dont have a linked copy for) have made critical efforts to recuperate and deconstruct those figurations.

i did write up a longer summary abt the impact of ishi’s death on the kroeber family, which was indeed devestating for kroeber and which leguin was likely most intimately impressed by and thus likely affected her public discussion later on, since she was born long after ishi’s death. i deleted it bc there’s a plethora of (understandably) sympathetic explanations for the kroeber family’s ‘silence’ on ishi, and i didnt think it productive to rehash scheper-hughes’ already tortured, naval-gazing apologia circulating on behalf of kroeber (and which the kroeber sons themselves vociferously protested in their edited volume together). i can link some of the 2020 coverage but imo there are better and yes more ‘nuanced’ discussions of kroeber’s legacy not coming from a white woman anthropologist terrified of the ‘cancel culture’ mob.

and as you pointed out, there exists long and rich traditions of rigorous, indigenous-based critiques emanating from anthropology and linguistics. the traumatic conditions that kroeber, the boaisian school, and salvage ethnography emerged from and of their own fraught interventions into racial discourses at the time. ishi’s relationship with kroeber and their posthumous representations has been extensively re-evaluated, re-staged, etc--including kroeber’s sons editing their own collection of essays in 2003 after ishi’s repatriation. more recently, indigenous visions: rediscovering the world of franz boas (edited 2018) curates provocative perspectives from indigenous & black scholars.

finally-- i dont have a bg in literature nor do i read leguin’s fictional writing extensively by any means so i cant speak too much further abt her literary development and its critical reception aside from the anthropologists’ perspective (rip). i think my suggestions abt leguin’s latent politics came off as polemical and ungenerous, but i do consider myself indebted to her essays n shorter works for introducing me to anarchist politics and humanist inquiry in anthro. i recommend her books to students curious abt speculative fiction and radical worldmaking (which we should continue to do btw, learning abt kroeber should encourage us to read leguin not put her off), which is why i think it’s critical we not only explicitly "acknowledge” ishi as i concede leguin did (altho i rlly did use those examples to highlight how thin those mentions are but would b interested in more substantial writing on the matter given her brothers’ involvement) but encourage an analytical repertoire to think with the larger politics of representing ishi’s lifestory as intimately bound up in leguin’s own reckoning with civilizational-racial discourses and indigenous epistemologies... and perhaps to exercise some caution abt potentially espoused universalisms (there r some rlly interesting altho idk how persuasive anthro-based rebuttals against fedric jameson’s historicist analysis of her work). idt we should b as concerned abt morally evaluating her writing for evidence of settler ‘complicity’ and ‘exploitation’ (i semi-regret using that language now in the context of leguin’s own mediations), as i am abt how we should understand how leguin’s proximity to colonial abuse is inflected textually and animates the political horizons of her own literary narrations-- and our reception of it. it rlly is not abt her anymore but how we interpret certain so-called silences (again, not always ‘bad’ or complicit)--which is why im drawn to jameson’s ‘critique’ prev bc unless ive been misreading it completely (note 2 reread), actually appreciates n takes seriously the conscious world-production moves made by leguin’s the dispossessed and id would like to see a similar literary treatment of leguin’s anth debts too.

#free to engage further but i work until 6pm but idk when ill see it loll #let me know if u want this deleted

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mercurial-madhouse · 3 years ago

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Trigger Warning: Healing is painful, but there’s so much light on the other side if we’re strong enough to walk through the dark.

My hope in sharing my story is to help anyone who reads it find peace or healing, just as I always aim with my fiction. If it feels right to you to do so, I encourage you to reblog this. It is highly personal, but I choose to share it publicly.

************

This past Sunday, I received an email responding to my desire to withdraw from a fic fest. Instead of the simple “You have been removed from the fest” that I’d been expecting through an official channel from mods to a participant, this is the response I received. Please be aware, the following is painful.

***

We've removed you from the fest and will mark you down as not being welcome to participate in future fests. We show a great deal of compassion toward our writers, which is why we send reminders, answer any and all questions, and provide extensions when requested. There's a reason why our fest has one of the highest numbers of fics of any fest/challenge in the fandom - it's because we support our participating writers and do everything possible to assist them as they complete their fics.

However, once a writer has repeatedly failed to communicate and missed both a deadline and an extended deadline, it's clear that they do not have any respect for the fest, the mods, our time, or our own unique situations, as we don't have endless extra hours to track down participants in a fic fest. Several reminders on three different platforms, an extension, and requests for writers to simply let us know if they need more time does not demonstrate a lack of compassion in any capacity. We also showed a great deal of compassion by welcoming you with open arms into the [redacted] after you insulted the fest, insulted [redacted] fics, and made writers uncomfortable last year after signing up to beta their fics, all while pretending to support and uplift writers in the fandom just as you did in your email here.

Have a great week!

- [redacted] Mods

***

This email arrived right at the end of the night, just as I was lying down to sleep. I couldn’t read it all the way through. It elicited a trauma response in me. My heart started racing, my palms were sweaty, I was shaking, I felt sick to my stomach.

I went into fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. My first response was to freeze. In order to escape the barrage of pain bombarding me, I simply dissociated and disconnected from my body. It allowed me to sleep, but barely. I deleted the email in a desperate attempt to pretend it didn’t exist.

The pain caught up with me twenty-four hours later. I couldn’t breathe, my lungs shrunk in around my heart. My whole body locked up. I couldn’t move. I knew that if I spoke, even to say ‘hello’ to someone, I’d start crying.

The moment I was alone in my room the tears came. The pain came, bursting through me. I sobbed uncontrollably, curled into myself on my bed, begging for the pain to stop, begging for a miracle, screaming internally for relief and to understand what I’d done to deserve this because I didn’t have the air for more than broken whispers.

I fell asleep whispering ‘I need a miracle’ over and over. The mantra blocked out all the disgusting thoughts that wanted to keep swirling through my head. This is it. This is the final proof that you don’t belong here. You never have. You never will. Run away, M. It’s over. You tried, you failed. You always do. You always will.

I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

Grief is intense. These are the moments where we don’t think we’ll survive what we’re feeling. My love, whoever you are, if you are reading this, hear from me. The agony passed. I needed to feel that agony, to allow it to move through me and to give myself the space to feel it. Without diving off the deep end into what hurts, I wouldn’t have been able to find the inner peace to keep healing, to start to understand.

The residual pain is still there, even as I write this post. But it no longer overwhelms my senses. And by Tuesday morning, I’d been given insight into what was happening.

I experienced a trauma response because it mirrored mistreatment I first received in childhood from family and classmates alike and continued into my adult life. In full view of others, it was acknowledged as cruel even by my mother, who struggles with her own guilt because she never stood up for me. No one did.

So I internalized the mistreatment. I must deserve it if everyone else around me is ok with me being singled out like this? At first I spoke up for myself. But in the end I stopped speaking up for myself too. I had never healed this pain and here it was, coming back around again, forcing me to face it, to heal it once and for all.

I still do not know what exactly I may have said to cause these accusations that you see in the email. **I do not and will not deny them.** Even if my words were taken in a way I did not consciously intend, to deny that I said anything that caused someone else pain is to deny my own power AND to deny that everyone’s emotions are valid and worth digging into.

I have the power to inflict pain, just as I have the power to spread and share love and joy.

Whatever I said came from a place of pain, of believing I did not belong in this community. That I am not good enough or worthy enough to be here. A series of unfortunate but necessary events when I first entered this fandom completely disintegrated my core beliefs in my abilities as a writer, something I have always kept so close to my heart, and my belief that I had a place in this fandom.

I expect, as I look into my past patterns, that what I did was try to logic why I wasn’t allowed to belong. At the time, this fest was the only subset of the fandom I knew, I was so brand new. So I looked through all the prompts in the fest. I brought a scientific method view to answering the question: “What is it about the fics people write in this fandom am I unable/incapable of doing?”

This process allowed me to generalize everything I saw that I perceived as ‘I can’t do that, this is why I don’t belong here’. Consumed in my own doubt that I could measure up and write something worth reading, I dropped from the fest last year too. If I can’t contribute writing that’s worth reading, I could at least stick with what I do best, which is helping others be their best selves. I had signed up to beta, and I chose to cling to the only grasp of belonging I had, which was through beta’ing. I ended up beta’ing four fics last year for the fest. And, of course, each of them were (and still are) incredible fics. At the time, it was further proof to me of exactly what I can’t accomplish.

In all likelihood, these generalizations, stemming from a place of pain and jealousy because I wanted to write good fics too, came out in a personal conversation with someone, which they translated as a personal attack. It is valid. Whoever you are, your emotions are valid. It does not matter how I meant whatever I said, pain is what you felt. This person did not feel comfortable sharing that pain with me, so instead they turned to others and shared. My moment of vulnerability and pain then spread more pain.

Pain only comes from pain.

The response was to shadow ban me. In fact, I was never meant to find out about any of this. The pain this person shared was simply taken at face value and that was that.

So on my end, this decision showed up in the physical world this way: Suddenly all my asks went unanswered, people I tagged to share snippets and last lines and get to know more through ‘about me’ posts or who had once talked to me through DMs simply stopped speaking to me in a way that is only noticeable to the person being ignored. I thought I was going crazy. But there it was, right in front of me: absolute proof that I wasn’t good enough to be a part of this fandom.

Is anyone else beginning to see the cycle of pain?

I expect I continued this cycle right back, because the pain turned to bitterness. I’d been doing everything I could to support every author the best way I knew how, and this was what I got? The exact opposite?

I found out about this shadow ban and actual blocking around June of this year. An ask sent in by a friend for me, inquiring why I couldn’t reblog a post that’d been sent to me by someone else, finally gave me the answer that I’d been banned for the accusations you saw above.

Horrified, hurt, and unable to comprehend any of this except to know that I support every author no matter what they write, I sent an apology to the mods, trying to end this cycle the best I could without knowing any of the details of what had happened. There was nothing more I could do.

They thanked me for the apology, though as you can see from the email, it was never accepted. I do not say that as a judgement call, but simply as a statement of what happened. Everyone is entitled to accept or not accept in their own time and their own ways.

I have been healing so much since everything that occurred last year. And the more I dig in to this cycle, the more my heart goes out to the drafters of this email, to the person I hurt with my words who then turned to share it out of context with others, and to the people who shadow banned me in connection with this situation.

We attract to us what resonates with us. Like attracts like. Which means just as I’ve attracted the greatest friends to me, I have also attracted this pain, and conversely, these mods and that person attracted me to them.

Deep down, on some level we share the same core wounds. And the person who can really understand just how painful those wounds can be is someone who feels them too.

So this is my message to the mods of the above email, to those who have shadow banned me and want nothing to do with me, and to the original person I hurt with my words:

I am sorry for my part in this pain. I am sorry for causing pain and I apologize for it. You are loved. You are enough. You are doing a fantastic job. Your feelings are valid. Your hurt is valid. I don’t know what occurred that hurt you before I entered the fandom, but after finding out from others that an email like the one you sent above is ‘Oh that’s just how they are’ tells me something else happened to hurt you before I even arrived.

Your hurt then is valid too. Allow yourself to feel it and process it. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let that hurt and fear of it happening again or believing that that’s how everyone is push away from you people who in fact love just what you love. If someone has a different belief from yours, don’t let it invalidate what is true for you. Believing internalized lies about myself only caused me pain. And we spread and create what we believe to be true, whether we consciously realize it or not.

So here, now, is my truth:

I choose to perpetuate love. I choose to spread love. I choose to understand my pain and the pain of others, to transmute it, and to heal it, instead of passing that pain on.

I choose compassion. Compassion for myself in making these mistakes, and compassion for those who have hurt me. I do not condone the email that was sent to me. No one deserves to be treated that way. I choose to focus beneath the visceral anger and lashing out, to focus on the agony beneath the words, and stop this cycle of pain.

I choose to belong in this fandom. I choose to support every author in this fandom and ensure no one ever feels not good enough. I choose to own my past mistakes and learn from them.

I choose trust. To trust that those who I truly hope will see this, will see it. I have no expectations of responses or outcomes or reactions. My only hope is that whoever will benefit from seeing this post will see it.

This is not a matter of right or wrong, bad or good, just or unjust. It is a situation of two parties in pain, triggered by the same triggers.

Looking back on that email, I’ve come to realize that half of the pain I felt when I received it was not my own. I felt the pain of the attack, sure, but I also felt the immense pain beneath those words. And I wish I could hug you. I acknowledge your pain and I acknowledge how painful it is because I know that pain myself. I also know that this pain isn’t you and it isn’t who you are.

So I choose to remember the mods I first met around this same time last year in this same email chain. Mods who were so kind and offered advice to a brand new writer even when she sent an email that had nothing to do with the fest and was still struggling to find her place in the fandom. I choose to remember how beautiful that kindness felt. I choose to remember how I was so grateful for that kindness that I shared my gratitude for these same mods in an email with with another fandom friend at the time. I am still grateful for you.

You are so loved. You are loved for being exactly who you are. This fandom is built upon love. A shared love of five incredibly talented lads who have brought so much joy and light when each and every one of us has needed it the most. Shine your light through the dark and believe with all your heart that you are not alone. You have support. I support you. Shine on. Don’t let anyone dim it.

#Being this vulnerable #is an act of courage #I never knew I had #I'm not fearless #I feel ready to vomit #I have no idea how this will be received #but I am sharing my truth #have courage to share your truth #the world needs you

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aphrodicted · 5 years ago

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My method to manifest things I wish in my life I: Manifesting a desired person

For a time I had a need to meet new people. I was going to enter the university, I lost contact with my old friends and, in the end, I felt that I was alone and I wouldn’t be able to meet anyone who could accompany me in my new stage. For this reason, and after meditating on what was the most practical and comfortable method for me, I decided to write a letter to the Universe and thank it for the experiences that it had made me live and, also, explain about the new people who had appeared in my life. And that's how, in two months, the boy I had described in my letter appeared.

Before I begin to explain how I made the letter, I need to clarify certain points that seem very important to me. Using this method isn’t negative or qualifies us as losers for not being able to make new friends quickly. There are people who are shy or cannot find the right situation to meet people. Making this letter will help you know what kind of people you want in your life and what kind of relationships you want to live in the future. Also, this exercise can be used to find out if the relationships in your present life make you happy or not, if they are based on attachment or other negative feelings. On the other hand, it can also help you discover how much you idealize the people around you. You can add the characteristics you want in the letter, but it’s essential you use logic and don’t ask to have, for example, a famous singer as your friend.

Another important idea is to know the letter will not manifest itself if you don’t contribute to making everything you have written happen. For example, being at home with your arms crossed and waiting for them to knock on your door isn’t a good decision. As far as you can, and you feel comfortable (don't force yourself if you don't feel prepared, please), get out of your comfort zone and seek to participate in activities where you can meet new people, visit places where you can interact with people... Everything will depend on the type of person you want to express: if you want a friend who loves sports, you can join a gym, go to the park for a run, etc.

What do I need to create my letter?

Paper to write your letter,

red or blue pen,

envelopes to store the letter,

flowers you relate with the person you are asking for (for example, I used dried red roses when I manifested my old boyfriend),

white sugar

and cinnamon powder.

So, I already have all the materials that you have asked me, how do I start?

Take your time to think about the person you want to manifest in your life. Depending on the type of person (lover or friend), I recommend taking into account some points.

If you want to manifest a boyfriend or girlfriend, you should take into account the following: physical appearance (his/her body, how he/she dresses...), personality, hobbies, how will your relationship with him or her be (how will you treat each other, your day to day together, etc.) and your sex life (if you are comfortable talking about it).

If you want to manifest a friend: your desired friend's personality, his/her hobbies, how your relationship will be (what you will do together, how your free time will be shared, etc.). I don't think physical appearance is important when it comes to friendship, but if it's important to you, you can add it.

This will take time and, perhaps, it’s advisable to make several drafts before writing your letter. Don’t be angry for taking too long to decide, since you have all the time to write and correct the aspects you consider unimportant. In the end, the draft is a tool to get rid of those aspects that you thought were important and aren’t important now or viceversa. Understand yor draft as a way to know yourself more and who you want to have by your side.

Decide where and when you will write your letter. I recommend you do it in a place and time where you can be alone and without distractions. When you have decided where and when: be sure to clean the area where you will work and place the materials near you. Some people enjoy putting incense, lighting a candle, or listening to music, but you should do what helps you to focus the most. Don't forget your final draft, if you've made one!

Before writing, I advise you to use a red pen if you want to manifest a lover and the blue pen if it’s about friends. Why? There is no special reason, I simply associate these colors with love (red) and blue (friendship), and when I have done this exercise I have used them in this way and it has worked for me. If you associate green with friendship, you can write your letter in green. However, I do recommend not using black pens for this.

Start writing "Dear Universe/God/Aphrodite (to the entity you want to address, it is important that you have faith and trust in that entity), I write this letter to thank you for the arrival of all the people who are part of my life, but I especially want to thank you for the existence of the person who has become my boyfriend/girlfriend/friend/friends...". Below you can start by talking about his/her/their physical appearance ("he/she/they have a beautiful smile that makes me smile next to them/her/him"), how he/she dresses ("his way of dressing I love, since he wears clothes of black and red like me") or talk about a part of their body that is important to you. For example, I like men with big hands and I always try to specify it in my letter. However, remember the more specific the person you ask for, the longer it may take to reach your life. In this section, if you think it’s important, you can talk about his/her/their birth chart. I asked to meet a man with Pisces as his sun sign, and so it was.

I recommend you to continue with his/her/their personality and his/her/their hobbies. Both this section and the physical appearance can be done using a list and not redacted, since the intention is that you visualize that person while you write, so the way of writing it is indifferent. After specifying his/her/their personality (“likeable, generous, humorous...”) and his/her/their hobbies (“painting, singing, dancing, cinema, cooking...”), you should talk about your relationship with him/her/them.

This point I recommend it to be written, since your feelings and your sensations will be fundamental. You must write it in first person and in present tense (never in past or future), as if you were living it at that very moment. Your paths and feelings should be reflected in the letter: "I feel happy whenever he/she/they takes my hand, I feel butterflies in my stomach every time we look at each other." What you feel next to that person is very important, and all your feelings must be reflected. On the other hand, it’s advisable to visualize as you write about your dream relationship, so the visualization should be in first person: as if you had him/her/them in front of your eyes.

The same for your sex life: what you feel, what practices you do with he or she... write everything you think is important.

The end of your letter is also very important. You should finish your writing by thanking the entity you referred to at the beginning of your letter. "For all this, dear Universe/God/Aphrodite, I am grateful that you have brought this person and all these sensations, emotions and blessings to his side. I wish to continue to be with this person for a long time. Thank you, Universe/God/Aphrodite, thank you, thank you. Let your will be done.” If you don't want to say "Let your will be done", you can always say: "That's right. That's how it will be". It doesn't matter how many pages you have used. There will be people who end up writing four pages and others will only use two pages.

When you finish your letter, I recommend you to read it in case you have forgotten something, if everything is correct: take your envelope and add a little cinnamon powder, sugar and the flowers you have chosen inside it. Spread the cinnamon and sugar inside the envelope and try to get it stained with the cinnamon. Do the same with your letter: spread the cinnamon powder on the pages until they are stained. You don't have to add a lot of cinnamon, just enough to stain the pages. Fold the pages so you can put them in the envelope and, if you still have some flowers, spread them out inside the folded pages. When the folded pages are inside your envelope, close it and hide it somewhere where you won't go looking for it. In my case, I kept it in a folder full of old documents that I didn't use. Don’t hide your letter in a dirty or humid place, since it will not help to manifest itself.

And you're done!

The following steps are the most complicated: forget about the existence of your letter and the person you have asked to manifest. The less you obsess, the faster it will appear in your life. I managed to forget and comply with the corresponding detachment and in less than two months the person I asked for appeared through a friend from my university.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me!

Happy manifestation, angel! Good luck!

#law of attraction #loa #universe #manifestation #manifest #witchcraft #witchblr #affirmations #aphro.loa

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carewyncromwell · 4 years ago

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Hey guys! Normally I just jump right into my gameplay posts and then put in additional notes at the end, but for this particular set of gameplay posts I plan to do, I think I’ll need to do the notes first.

This upcoming series will be based on the Quidditch sidequest “Quest for the Quidditch Cup.” (And will be tagged thusly!) Normally the game HPHM sets this in our first year playing Quidditch, circa year 2...but not only am I well past year 2, but I’ve written some lore about Carewyn and her relationship with the Slytherin Quidditch team that goes against this particular side quest’s plot line. Here are bullet points!

Carewyn was introduced to Quidditch Friendlies in third year through Penny, and also received training from Skye. She even played as a substitute Chaser in Slytherin’s match against Hufflepuff in her third year.

After Skye made up rumors about Erika Rath, however, Carewyn and Skye had a pretty substantive falling-out, given Carewyn’s over-sensitivity to bullying. Not wanting to cause further drama for Orion’s team but not wanting to stand by Skye’s behavior, Carewyn quietly withdrew from the Slytherin Quidditch team, allowing the original Chaser to take back their spot for the last two matches of the season.

Carewyn has continued to play in Quidditch friendlies as a Chaser (often against or alongside Ravenclaw Keeper Andre and Gryffindor Seeker Charlie), but has not tried to take back a spot on the Slytherin Quidditch team again.

Orion -- who Carewyn is incredibly fond of, partially because of how much he reminds her of her brother Jacob -- has every-so-often tried to bring Carewyn back into the fold, but Carewyn has been reluctant to commit, partly because of her hyper-focus on the Vaults and partly because of her strained relationship with Skye.

Age-wise, I have written Murphy, Skye, and Orion as all being a year older than Carewyn (hence why we don’t see them in any of her classes). These gameplays will take place toward the end of year 6 well after that certain Redacted event, even though I haven’t reached that point in the game yet, because Carewyn is currently in year 6, but the last game of the Quidditch season would have to take place in the spring. This is also why Orion isn’t two years ahead of Carewyn -- if he were, he’d be graduated already! I do see him being born toward the end of the year, though, so he would still be the eldest of the three Quidditch characters. XD; Because of the timing, Carewyn will have just completed her character arc where she’s learned to open up a bit more to her friends at this point too and is no longer shutting her friends out of what’s going on with R or the Cursed Vaults. I also fortunately don’t have much interest in writing any further Quidditch plotlines with Carewyn, so I won’t have to worry about writing any contradictory season 2 gameplays. (If nothing else, Carewyn would be a GOD-AWFUL Beater.)

With all this out of the way...let the games begin!

~x~x~x~x~

[Carewyn had had to deal with a lot of unexpected things that year, but one thing she certainly had not been expecting was receiving an owl from Orion Amari. The Slytherin Quidditch Captain would reach out to her sometimes when she was playing in Quidditch friendlies or otherwise visiting the Quidditch Pitch, but they almost never collided in the hallways of Hogwarts themselves, partly because Orion was a year older than her, but also because Orion just seemed to operate on his own schedule. Carewyn sometimes wondered if he Broom-Surfed through life, rather than walking like ordinary people did.

Regardless, when Carewyn arrived in the Great Hall to meet Orion, she found him already there, sitting at the end of the Slytherin table with Quidditch commentator Murphy McNully.]

Murphy: “Been a long time! I haven’t seen you since the final Quidditch friendly last year -- reckon your team would’ve had only a 0.5% chance of victory, if you hadn’t been able to hit the Quaffle past the Keeper with your broom just before the opposing Seeker caught the Snitch...1% at the most...”

“(politely) It’s good to see you too, McNully.”

[Carewyn turned to Orion, looking a bit more serious.]

“I heard about Skye’s injury. What happened? I heard some people say Rath hit Skye with a Bludger...but I just can’t see Rath doing something like that on purpose: she could get banned from Quidditch for actively trying to target an opposing team’s player like that.”

[Orion nodded solemnly, his gaze very pensive.]

Orion: “Your thought process has some merit, Carewyn...but I’m afraid we really can’t know for sure. We have only two witnesses to the event -- Rath and Skye -- with two versions of the truth. One says it was an accident, the other purposeful.”

“(frowns) But those two things contradict each other. They can’t both be the truth.”

Orion: “They are both their truths. In any case, the result is the same, and our Chaser was injured.”

[Carewyn couldn’t entirely agree with this -- she would feel a lot better knowing it was an accident rather than Rath getting away scot-free with hurting one of Slytherin’s players...but really, such a sentiment was pretty typical for Orion, and there was a lot more to discuss.

Her gaze drifted down to the table in front of her absently as she leaned her arms against the wood.]

“...Is Skye all right?”

Orion: “Physically, yes -- Madame Pomfrey says she’ll make a full recovery. Emotionally, however, I would not say so, given that Madame Pomfrey also has said she will not be well enough to play in the match.”

[Carewyn’s heart clenched.]

“So she’ll miss the Quidditch final. Your last Quidditch final, ever.”

Murphy: “(grimly) The math would seem to suggest it. At present I’d say there’s only a 23% chance Skye would be able to play, and about 19.9% of that factors in Skye actively ignoring Madame Pomfey’s instructions. And if she did that, I’d say Slytherin would only have a 3% chance of victory.”

[Carewyn felt a wave of empathy wash over her. She may have had her differences with Skye, and she didn’t regret distancing herself from her...but at the same time, she knew how much Quidditch and especially the Quidditch Cup meant to her. Slytherin had been knocked out of the running for the Quidditch Final several times the last few years, largely by Gryffindor, since their team had Quidditch prodigy Charlie as their Seeker. But this year, Charlie had not had his head in the game (for rather obvious reasons), and so Slytherin had finally gotten the opening they needed. But facing Ravenclaw in the Quidditch Final would be no easy task...and, Carewyn thought, Skye had to be absolutely miserable, being stuck on the sidelines at the exact moment when Slytherin finally had a chance to earn the Cup they’d fought so hard for.

Murphy glanced at Orion out the side of his eye critically.]

[Orion gave a single, slow nod.]

[He turned to Carewyn with a wry smile.]

Orion: “...And she is sitting with us at this moment.”

[Carewyn blinked in surprise. Murphy brightened up instantly, looking at Carewyn with a large smile.]

Murphy: “Yes! That’d be brilliant! With your high record of goal scoring and your overall speed, Carewyn, you’d easily improve Slytherin’s odds by a good 31.6%!”

[Despite Murphy’s enthusiasm, Carewyn couldn’t make herself smile back.]

“I don’t know...”

Orion: “(seriously) Carewyn...you have dismissed me several times in the past, but I urge you to hear me out fully before you make your decision. You first left our team because of a personal dispute with Skye, and although I lament it, I also respect that you wanted our team to succeed, and you thought that withdrawing with grace would be the best way to do that. Now, however, we are in dire straits. We need someone who can fill Skye’s role on our team. You trained with Skye. You have consistently played well in every Quidditch friendly you have participated in. And you also more than embody the integrity needed both to lead and to follow -- to place the good of your team over glory for yourself. It’s the reason I asked you to choose our strategy in the match against Hufflepuff three years ago...and it’s the reason both Skye and I believe you should be our third Chaser, in this match against Ravenclaw.”

[This took Carewyn completely aback.]

“Skye said I should?”

[Orion smiled, his dark eyes twinkling with an oddly soft glint.]

Orion: “She urged me to try to convince you. Believe it or not...Skye has lamented the loss of you on our team even more than I have.”

[Carewyn’s narrowed blue eyes drifted off vaguely in the direction of the far wall as she took this in.]

If she felt that way, she should’ve made things right with Rath, then.

[Despite the stubborn irritation lashing at her insides, though, she couldn’t help but feel slightly touched, all the same. To think that Skye would’ve insisted Carewyn fill her spot -- Carewyn knew full well how much Quidditch meant to Skye...so her trusting Carewyn with her spot on the team, right before such an important match...]

I know how hard it is to trust others. It hasn’t been easy for me...even now...it’s not easy, for me. If Skye trusts me that much...if Orion and McNully trust me that much...

[Meeting the Circle of Khanna in the Three Broomsticks and feeling their expectant eyes all on her rippled over Carewyn’s mind. It brought the feeling of responsibility back down onto her shoulders -- that heavy weight that nonetheless made her want to stand even taller, so as to meet that burden.]

I can’t turn my back on them, when they need me.

[There was a new strength in her posture and shoulders as her gaze rose to meet Orion’s.]

“...All right. I’m in.”

[Orion’s dark eyes lit up like stars. His face broke into a large, bright smile and he reached across the table to take hold of Carewyn’s arm, squeezing it affectionately.]

Orion: “It will be a privilege to fly alongside you in my final match at Hogwarts, Carewyn.”

[Carewyn smiled in return, her blue eyes softening visibly. Murphy looked delighted as well.]

Murphy: “Not to mention how exciting it’ll be for my final match as a commentator! Carewyn Cromwell, swooping in just in time to nab Slytherin the Quidditch Cup for the first time in ten years!”

[His expression then turned a lot more business-like.]

Murphy: “We won’t get that great story, though, unless Slytherin wins.”

[Carewyn frowned deeply and nodded. She was well aware -- Gryffindor had opposed Ravenclaw in the Quidditch Cup Final just about every year she was at Hogwarts, and it was largely thanks to Rath smacking Bludgers at Charlie so hard that he was sent to the Hospital Wing that Ravenclaw had won.]

“Rath is not someone to be underestimated. But we have two days before the match -- I’m sure we can come up with a plan by then. In the meantime, I’ll set aside some extra time to practice with the rest of the team.”

[She glanced at Orion for approval. The Slytherin Quidditch Captain inclined his head in a single nod.]

Orion: “This is a time for celebration and hard work. Let us concentrate on coming together as a team and on supporting Skye.”

[Carewyn’s eyes drifted off, landing on the doorway out of the entrance hall.]

“...Maybe I should go see Skye, then...just for a talk.”

Ha! That’s a loaded question...

[She frankly didn’t want to even think about how uncomfortable the reunion between her and Skye would be like, given how they’d ended things and how little they’d subsequently spoken over the years...

Despite those feelings, Carewyn -- true to form -- put on her prettiest, most confident smile.]

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #gameplay #quest for the quidditch cup #skye parkin #orion amari #murphy mcnully #carewyn cromwell #charlie weasley #erika rath #roleplaying

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whatwillthegirlbecome · 5 years ago

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Okay, so I was tagged by the incandescent pineapple-scented land mermaid @village-skeptic

Sorry it took me so long to do this. In my defense, I am very very lazy:

nicknames: Never. I have always been called by my full first name, even as a small child. I think I was probably too serious for anything to really stick. I love the trope of using someone’s last name as a nickname, but my last name is deeply terrible and uncool, so even though I would love to participate in that, I would cringe if anyone called me by my last name.

zodiac sign: I’m an Aries, but I don’t feel like I fit the Aries profile very well. It’s neither here nor there really, since don’t really put a lot of stock in astrology. However, I do sometimes feel kind of wistful when those “the signs as...” posts go around, and never hit the mark for me.

height: 5′1″. I will give almost anything for 4 more inches. All leg please!

hogwarts house: All signs point to Ravenclaw, but with a VERY STRONG Hufflepuff rising. I’m super brave to the point of recklessness, but only on other people’s behalf. I would probably let you murder me out of, you know, not wanting to be impolite to a murderer, but look at one of my friends funny and I will throw down in the street! I’m the mom friend who gets tequila drunk and then threatens offers to fight all the dudes - creepy or otherwise - who are hitting on my girls.

last thing i googled: “Anthony Perkins.” Over the holiday weekend I had a big argument with one of my friends about whether Anthony Perkins was in a movie version of Hello Dolly! I knew it wasn’t the Barbara version, but I was sure there was something. I’m going to claim victory, because he was in The Matchmaker, which is the play Hello Dolly! was based on. Did you guys know it was written by Thorton Wilder? !!! And OMG what a cast - Shirley Booth, Robert Morse, Shirley MacLaine!

fave musicians: Too many to list. I generally like everything, except really commercial country music, and even then I could probably be tricked into liking something if the lyrics are good. The musicians I’ve seen live the most include: The Pixies, Metric, Fishbone, Decemberists, Matthew Sweet, and John Prine. I also really love Baroque music.

song stuck in your head: This is actually @village-skeptic‘s fault for posting it earlier: Personal Jesus. Also, I may have mentioned before I wanna [redacted] Dave Gahan. Like a screen door in a hurricane.

following: 138

followers: 40. I’m gonna quote Mike Conovan here: Not much meat on her, but what's there is cherce. Every single one of my followers is a g-d delight. You make my life better!

do you get asks: Almost never! Not sure why. I hope it’s not because ppl find me off-putting, but I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t kind of fear that.

amount of sleep: Generally I get 7 1/2 or 8 hours a night, but my body would really much prefer 9 or 10.

what are you wearing: My pajamas! Which go on almost as soon as I get home from work.

dream job: Well it depends on if this is a magical-wish-fulfillment dream job, or just a what-would-have-been-realistic-if-you’d-made-better-choices dream job.

Magic-enabled dream job is definitely character actor/comedian/member of Mike Schur’s repertory company. Famous enough to support myself and my extended family/treat my friends whenever I feel like it, but not famous enough for the paps to stake out my vacation/wedding. (guys! is Jenny Slate my dream job?)

“Achievable” dream job is Rare Book Librarian/Archivist. This is actually what my background/training is in, but alas you can’t support yourself in the most expensive real estate market in the known universe on a librarian’s salary.

dream trip: Since college I have had a dream of visiting every continent. Where’d You Go Bernadette kinda cured me of wanting to go to Antarctica, but I haven’t completely given up on everywhere else. So far, I’ve only made it to 2 (including the one where I live). Somehow I keep going back to Europe instead.

instruments: Sadly none, but I would love to be able to make music with all of my heart.

languages: English. I used to be fluent in French, but I’ve lost almost all of it.

favorite songs: This one can’t be answered. However, I will offer up Phoebe Snow’s No Regrets, (I believe it’s an old jazz standard though) as the song I am most likely to sing if I am showing off (this is more French 75-drunk than tequila drunk though).

random fact: My Bacon number is 3.

I’m kind of a recovering theater kid. In my callow youth, I won a regional drama competition, the prize for which was a small part in a play that was touring, and had a 2 week stop in my city. The lead actor was Ian McKellen. This is pretty much ancient history, so he wasn’t nearly as famous then as he is now, but he was still a little bit famous. At any rate, he was nothing but charming and encouraging to me, despite the fact that I was basically a glorified extra. He low-key hit on my dad at the cast party. My dad was utterly charmed

aesthetic: I like a close juxtaposition of whimsy and minimalism. Like if Chrissy Hynde and Audrey Hepburn and Carol Kane had a baby, that baby would be my aesthetic. A fitted black jacket, over a Betty Boop graphic tee, boot cut jeans, vintage charm bracelet, and chucks. A motocross jacket over a ruffled circus-print blouse, velvet pants, suede booties, giant cocktail ring, and day-3 hair. LBD, kitten heel, big chunky silver rings, and an Olympia Le-Tan clutch. Sparkly things in the dark - the Eiffel tower after sundown; the Christmas tree after everyone’s gone to bed; city lights from your fire escape when you’re too worked up to sleep; fireworks on the Fourth of July.

And this isn’t so much an aesthetic, but rather a mood that pervades my life. To quote Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias: Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.

I think most of you have probably been tagged already, but if not and you want to, consider this your invitation!

#the mortifying ordeal of being known #my beloved village-skeptic #tag games

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devilsknotrp · 5 years ago

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Congratulations, Honey! You are accepted for the role of Mandy Silverman. This is another sample application for potential applicants to have a look at. You’ll notice that this is quite a long application, but that’s just how I write. You can do whatever you like with yours! If you have any questions about this application or any characters with a connection to Mandy, don’t hesitate to let me know.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Name: Honey Age: Twenty five Pronouns: She/her Timezone: GMT+11 Activity estimation: I essentially work full time and have several obligations, but this group is so tightly organised and planned that I’m confident in participating regularly on the dashboard and as an admin! My admin duties will always take precedence but I will be able to reply to threads several times a week. Triggers: (REDACTED)

IN CHARACTER: BASICS

Full name: Amanda “Mandy” Silverman Age (DD/MM/YYY): Thirty (02/03/1966) - Pisces (Sun), Virgo (Rising), Cancer (Moon) Gender: Cisgender female Pronouns: She/her Sexuality: Homosexual homoromantic Occupation: Adult Education Coordinator Connection to Victim: Mandy did not know the Goode family. She knew of them in the way all newcomers to Devil’s Knot are known: through rumor and glimpses in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot. Mandy had little to do with Linda; she’d seen David and Beth at school, when she’d gone in to meet Mary after work; but she’d never met Brian at all. Alibi: Mandy was at home that Saturday working on a craft project. She ran out of glue at around three, then walked into town to go to the craft store, where she spent a few dollars too many on a crocheting kit. She decided to pick up some coffee and doughnuts then walked back home, where she stayed for the rest of the day. Faceclaim: Elizabeth Olsen

WRITING SAMPLE

This is a self para written for the Mandy in 1984.

The Datsun.

It was such a shit little car. Really, it was. Sandy’s miscellaneous paraphernalia littered the dashboard. Her dad’s manuals and work shit stuffed beneath the front seats. Pete had stamped grubby hands all over the back windows - people asked them all the time if they had a dog. “No,” Mandy replied grimly, hoisting Pete up on one hip. “Just a kid.” The motor turned over more often than she could count, which would put her father, ever the optimist, into an agitated but vaguely amused mood. Him, hunched over the wheel, grinding the key, revving the engine, If I… could just... Then, Sandy, cranky and likely hungover, snapping from the passenger side: I told you we needed it serviced! They had about a thousand tapes in the center console, most of them in the wrong cases, with a mix that spanned from Bob Dylan to Pete’s ABC children’s songs. Them, zooming along a damp highway, rain splattering the glass, her dad cheerfully singing, The wheels on the bus go ‘round and ‘round! as Pete laughed in delight. Mandy tries to forget that she’d eventually lose her temper and shout, Can we turn this stupid shit off? as her mother mumbled, Amen, behind enormous sunglasses and a gas station Slurpee.

The Datsun, which was rotting away at the police station right this second. Mandy hasn’t asked when they’ll get it back. It’s evidence, that’s it. She has her bike or her skates and Sandy doesn’t leave the house unless she has a ride (Aisha pulling up front and blasting the horn; Sandy, clattering around gathering her things, muttering, Where’s my goddamn…). Their family car is nothing more than a shell, a marker in the Pete and Phillip Silverman’s trail to murder. Kind of like a pit stop. Wrappers marked with imaginary blood stains littering the cab floor. That clean-sour smell of nervous sweat. Her Dad was always a sweater, mopping his brow and fanning himself, Jeez, it’s hot today. Mandy kind of loved that about him. How when she was looking for him in a crowd, she just had to search for the slightly damp white button-down, the back of his nearly-balding head. His hair was soft, like down, and Pete’s was too. Two twin sandy blonde heads sitting in front of the television, Pete curled into his father’s side, Phillip slowly stroking back those baby-shampoo-soft curls.

So, yeah. The Datsun. Scene of family road trips and midnight grocery store emergencies. A wreck that managed to limp from point A to B, with her dad faithfully in the front, eager to drive her to friends’ houses or cheer practice or a competition two towns over. She still thinks about winding the windows down as far as they could go when they were on the highway. Her dad would look over, catch her eye, and grin in a way that made her think of him as a teenager, a young man, that cheerful abandon of youth that was infectious as a whisper, goose-bumps prickling her arms.

“Shall we see how fast this baby can go?” He’d yell, and Mandy would laugh and laugh: “Go, Dad, go!”

ANYTHING ELSE?

Here is my Pinterest board for Mandy (featuring ‘84 and ‘96 boards, because I’m that kind of person), and her account can be found here.

HEADCANONS

Mandy works at the Community Centre as an Adult Education Coordinator. Which is just a fancy way of saying she organises craft classes for senior citizens. Seriously. Mandy picked up the job mainly to get Sandy off her back. After commuting to Lansing to attend community college, her decision to drop out and live and work in Devil’s Knot was met, unsurprisingly, with a pointedly raised eyebrow and a loud slurp from a glass of wine. And Mandy knew, she just damn knew, that if she stuck around her childhood home any longer, she and Sandy would end up killing each other. The job isn’t taxing: she works a few days a week, has a desk up on the mayor’s floor in the Community Centre, and spends way too much time putting flyers together for their new pasta making courses or adult literacy classes. The administration is what really bothers her, because the students are lovely. Little old ladies she’s known for years; grandfathers who remember her father back in the day. Best of all, they like her. Mandy wouldn’t consider herself a charismatic person, but she is a patient one. She’ll listen to a grandmother’s story a thousand times, nodding in the right places, exclaiming, asking questions. She’s gentle. Around other people it can be a slightly different story. She’s not clipped, exactly, nor is she rude. But she is shy, and Mandy is naturally suspicious. When people stop her to talk, she hesitates. It would be too much to link that back to ‘84, although there’s little doubt that that October and the months that followed succeeded in severing her trust in adult figures for life. No, Mandy prefers to keep to herself, to the people she knows. It’s safer that way; controllable.

Mandy loves movies -- always has. Bobby, Mandy, and Perry always went on about music, talking rapturously about guitar solos and funky beats, all while Mandy pretended to grimace and trade teasing looks with Jenny and Mike. But movies. Mandy’s favourite genre is horror. Surprising, maybe, but she can’t get enough. Sci-fi is her second favourite. Her ritual is to go down to the Videoport on a Friday afternoon and stock up for the weekend. She trails down the aisles, fingers skating over the titles, looking for some weird German expressionist thing or a summer blockbuster she can zone out to. Mandy would hardly consider herself a connoisseur, but she has an encyclopedic knowledge for actors and actresses, and can name their filmography from memory just by looking at them. It’s like, one of her only talents.

Mandy enjoys cooking. She mainly enjoys cooking for Mary, who will always, without fail, praise her skills until Mandy’s rolling her eyes and begging her to stop. Even if it’s crap (which it is a lot of the time; God knows Sandy never taught her to cook; this was all the result of afternoon cable and Reader’s Digest), Mary will come up and hug her from behind, kissing the side of her neck, suffusing Mandy in warmth and her spicy perfume. That was so good. You’re so good to me. Doing things for people is Mandy’s way of showing she loves them. It doesn’t matter what it is -- laundry, vacuuming, cooking -- she’ll find herself doing things automatically. It’s a little funny that she’s turned into a housewife ever since moving out with Mary, but it’s also really damn nice. Mandy looks after their small apartment so tenderly. Watering the plants on the windowsill, buying kitsch ornaments from the thrift store, airing out their cramped bedroom in the spring sunlight. Much of Mandy’s life revolves around domestic duties. She picks up the mail, pays bills, goes grocery shopping. Mary comes too, of course, but doing things together in public can get difficult when all Mandy wants to do is kiss her deeply in the fruit and vegetable section. Mary’s full-time job is also demanding, and Mandy only works a few days a week (despite what you may believe, there are not that many adult education classes to organise; the biggest scandal was when they introduced a salsa class and everyone collectively lost their minds). Maybe, in some way, it’s Mandy’s way of holding up her end of their relationship. And maybe, in a deeper, smaller way, it’s also an excuse. If she’s busy, how can she possibly go back to college? Who’ll make apple crumble and fold the socks? Huh? The pixies? If this makes Mandy sound territorial, it’s because she is. She clings to these chores because it’s far easier than thinking about the alternative, which is to get off her ass and actually make something of her life. She’s thirty years old. Nearly thirty one. And she’s got absolutely nothing to show for it. That hurts more than anything. Maybe that hurts most of all.

Mandy is a lesbian. She knew. Even when she was a teenager, she sort of knew. She and Mike started dating when they were thirteen and just... kept going. Certain things seemed inevitable: prom, college, maybe even marriage. It was so simple to imagine her life with Mike, whose family, the Hawkers, were best friends with her parents; they’d all been born months apart; they were raised together. Most of Mandy’s childhood memories involve Mike and Mary, Jenny. They tumbled around together like puppies, climbing trees and having sleepovers. Then they started to grow up, and Mandy and Mike got together, and the atmosphere shifted a little. Mandy liked Mike. She did. Maybe she loved him, in a way. But it was so, so platonic, and the way she felt when she looked at Mary was anything but. Mary used to scare her; still does, sometimes. She was a force of nature and Mandy was the eye of the storm. Looking back, the signs were obvious, but then again, they always are.

Mandy used to dress the way people expected her to dress. T-shirts and jeans, bleached white sneakers and cheer uniforms. Not feminine enough to please Jenny, who’d wrinkle her nose and fondly say, “Mandy, are you kidding? You cannot wear that,” and not masculine enough for her dad, who’d hand her wrenches as he worked on the Cadillac on weekends, shooting sidelong glances at her squad jumper, mumbling, “You’ll get grease all over you, honey.” Scrunchies and high ponytails. Pale pink jackets and a signet ring Mike gave her when they were fourteen. Just enough to be acceptable; to be palatable. To blend in, fade away, be nothing at all. These days it’s the opposite: Mandy dresses like an amorphous blob. In fact, she’d rather people hazard a guess at what she really looks like underneath her oversized flannel shirts and huge boots. The more clothing she has on, the more protected she feels. Layers upon layers. Band shirts worn soft with too many washes; jeans more grey than black. She still has her pink jacket from high school (Mary hung it up in their wardrobe and shrugged when Mandy found it, saying, “You always looked cute, and I’m a sucker. So sue me.”) Mandy pulls her hair up and away from her face; she doesn’t wear make-up. Still has the signet ring, though. She’s a sentimental doofus, she knows.

Mandy loves arts and crafts. Pottery, weaving, knitting; painting, sketching, cooking. These are things that bring her peace, that quieten her inner world. Growing up, she wasn’t creative in the slightest. Mandy was decidedly pedestrian: the most creative thing she ever did was design banners for the cheer squad or doodle in the margins of her school notebooks. But after Pete was returned, she needed something, anything, to stifle the panic static in her brain. Countless nights were spent sitting on the couch in front of the television, Pete curled into her side, her doing finger knitting or making a collage, eyes darting between her project and the cartoon onscreen. Over the years she’s gotten better -- last winter she managed to knit Mary a hideous scarf -- but her hobbies were never pursued in the same vein as her other achievements. Mandy still remembers practicing for cheer for hours in the cold, or studying in her room until midnight, eyes dry and head aching, quietly panicking about a test the next day. Everything she did, she did obsessively. These days, Mandy just wants to be still. Their apartment is stuffed with half finished craft projects: stacks of coloured paper, jars of beads, wool in miscellaneous piles, flowers drying on the windowsill. Sometimes Mary will come home to find her sitting cross-legged at the kitchen table, a pot of sauce bubbling on the stove, Stevie Nicks in the background, Mandy carefully cutting out prints for her art journal. She started journaling when she was a teenager, mainly to help with her father’s murder and the stress of the subsequent trial, but it’s a habit that has followed her happily into adulthood. Mandy would be lost without her projects, her art. It’s a channel for everything she feels; it clarifies her. And it’s never undertaken with any attempt at perfection. Mandy’s learning, slowly, to let go of unattainable ideas. Life is messy. She’s trying to accept that about the world, herself.

Mandy failed community college. Well, it felt like she failed. In reality, she dropped out. There were only so many classes about psych and childhood trauma that she could take (and ironic, right? That she studied psych? Mandy remembers the day she flicked through the brochure to pick her classes, ticking boxes on the vague notion she’d specialise in children, maybe, in kids who’d been taken or abandoned, and help them find their childhood again). The people were too much. Tons of people like her -- great in high school, but not good enough for a decent college out of state -- and older people too, people who reminded her of her dad (not that he’d gone to college; he used to joke that that was all above his pay grade, No, no, I’m happy where I am! Although Mandy knew how avidly he poured over science magazines, and how impressed he was with Apple and that computer stuff. Maybe in another world he would have done something else, been someone great. Maybe it runs in the family). Mandy felt boring in turning down invitations to parties or even drinks down the campus bar. She’d cite anything -- Pete’s homework, the long drive home, dinner waiting -- and soon that got old. She felt old. Like she’d skipped the fun part of her twenties and jumped right into middle age. It didn’t help that everything after ‘84 melted her brain into goop. The minute Mandy received her final marks from school, she shoved the paperwork back into the envelope and hid it with her dad’s old things. The word failure pounded in her head. How did it happen? How could she have gone from mathletes and cheer to barely scraping by? To holding on by a thread? And why? Why did it all affect her so much; why was she such a damn baby about everything? Pete was back safe. That should have been enough, right? But his return didn’t come with everything. Somewhere between Pete disappearing and that Christmas, Mandy cut herself loose. Swapped SAT prep for making spaghetti for her returned little brother. Watching reruns on TV until it was way too late, tucking him into bed. Some nights she didn’t want to leave him, so she put out a sleeping bag on the floor by his bed between him and the door. Just in case. Mandy always wanted to go to Oberlin for one reason: it was far away from Devil’s Knot (and, okay, she liked the name). Ambition was a thing she wore because it fit, not because she liked it. Watching her dad’s face light up when she showed him her grades was reason enough to try hard; and studying with Bobby made her feel light, if only for a little while, them laughing and whispering about D&D campaigns, teasing each other like siblings. Being smart felt good, even if it didn’t come wholly naturally, and Mandy worked damn hard to keep it up. Giving it away should have been freeing. Instead, Mandy knows she disappointed everyone. She’s just another person who raced to the state line only to stop dead, toes at the edge, and feel fear prick the back of her neck.

#literate rp #original rp #dark rp #town rp #new rp #sample #accepted #mandy silverman

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teampunkzine · 6 years ago

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I wanna apply but...

I get it. We’ve all been there. Zines are a beautiful, strange thing and we just get so pumped to participate. Maybe you’ve just got wind of what a zine even is. Maybe you’ve been watching them develop from a long time, even buying some. Maybe you’ve already applied to some before. Maybe you’ve been rejected.

So, you want to apply. But...

I don’t think my art is good enough

This is a valid concern we all go through. There’s just so many pretty, popular art and fic going around and sometimes we just feel frustrated.

But, what as the artist you may see as ‘’boring’’ or ‘’nothing special’’, as a spectator we may be extremely moved. There’s so many skilled artists and writers I’ve heard saying their creations weren’t good enough. It shakes me.

What you think it’s not good enough, it’s usually you being very hard of yourself. Of freaking course there’s always room for improvement! And a big part of that frustration you feel with your art comes from that part of you that knows you are capable of so much more! and YOU ARE! You are a human being with the amazing skill of creation! You have the space to grow and develop as big as you want to!

But, my golden advice? Give yourself the time and patience for that growth. Don’t stop trying, don’t stop practising but also be kind with yourself. A great chunk of the artistic cycle is having blocks and resting, living experiences that will eventually help you grow as an artist and a human being.

You are already being the best artist version of yourself that you can be at the moment.

I’m going to get rejected/ I’ve already tried in so many zines and I always get rejected

Are you sure, though? Are you sure? Do you have physic powers? Can you see what I’m going to do next month? If you are already looking there, by the way, can you please peek and tell me if I’m going to have a gf by then?

I’d advice not giving up based on previous experiences. We are not those other zines, we are not those other mods. Hell, you are not even the same artist! You’ve grown! This is a whole different situation and experience.

I’m not going to sugarcoat it: You may get rejected. Or you may not. You don’t know that, I don’t know that.

What I do know is that there are 0% chances of getting in if you don’t apply.

You ask for a submission of two of my best pieces. I don’t know which of my works are my best

I always have this doubt when applying for zines. It’s nerve wrecking! I feel like I get one shot and I have to do it right!

Well, in our case, you have 2 shots. So, if you are in between 2 options, you can post both ;D

Apart from that, I always ask a server/a friend/a pal from somewhere which one they think it’s more impressive. If it’s a fandom friend, I explain it’s for a zine. If it’s an irl person, I’m just asking their opinion for something bussiness-related.

In the case you don’t have the option of consulting someone, I reccomend you take a few days without looking or thinking about it. Then, go back and watch/read your stuff with fresh eyes.

A few criteria to self evaluate your pieces...

Art: Think of the use of lighting/shadows, characterization, anatomy, color use. The most important question is, though... ‘’do I like this?’’ ‘’am i happy i did this?’’ . If you like it, it will work <3

Writing: Think of it being clearly redacted, of the emotion it conveys (if it fits whatchu wanted it to convey). Again, the most important question is ‘’do i like this?’’ ‘’am i happy i did this?’’’ If you like it, it will work <3

You ask for a submission of a previous Hunk+Pidge piece. I don’t have any.

We ask an example of your work depicting Hunk and Pidge for two very simple reasons.

1) We want to see the characters through your eyes, we want to know what you bring to the table.

2) We want to rule out any possibilities of whitewashing Hunk, making him overly skinny or oversexualizing Pidge. Y’know, we just want to see beforehand you respect basic character traits like Hunk being fat and dark skinned and Pidge being a human being without anime-like titties. I’m not saying this to scare you. I’m not saying this to police you. We just want to avoid any uncomfy conversations in the future!

Apart from that? GO WILD WITH YOUR TAKE ON THEM! Add a beard on Hunk, give Pidge green hair, give everyone 80s clothes! As long as we can still see the characters we love, we are okay with you going off the mold. Hell, we encourage you to!

If you are a writer, a simple drabble with the two of them interacting would do. If you are an artist, a simple colored drawing it’s okay by us!

I’ve never been in a zine before

And if you let us be your first, that’d be our honor! It’s my first time modding a zine too!

We are not looking at your resume. So, to us, it’s not a problem. It’s okay to be scared or nervous, specially if this is your first zine! But remember: you won’t be alone! Us mods are here to guide you and help you! And you’d have the rest of the participants too! We are all new in something, this is a chance for each of us to grow and learn!

I’m not a popular artist/writer

*motions around* ...and this is not a popular team of characters...

We are not popular ourselves. We are not looking for popular people. We are not looking at your follower count, the number of reblogs you have or the comments your fic gets. We are looking at what you offer us, at those submissions you deem your best, at your take on Hunk and Pidge, at what you can bring to the table.

Will I squeal if I recognize your name? Yes, because I’m happy someone I already know is here. Will I holler and yodelei around bc of your submission piece and see how much you bring into the table? HELL YEAH DUDE.

The application form scares me/ I haven’t even looked at it.

Oof. Filling forms for me is scary. But that’s when you know you’ve got stuff to lose! This? This is for FUN!

An advice? Look at the form first and write down in a piece of paper what you will need. I swear, until you submit, all the times you look at the form won’t be decisive.

I swear the more you look at it, the less scary it gets. To break it down, we ask for very basic stuff: examples of your work, examples of your work featuring Hunk and Pidge and a profile where we can peek at more of your stuff. Oh, and a mail where we can contact you. That’s the important stuff. The rest are questions to know what’s in your mind, who are we interacting with. We’d like you to fill it but if you don’t know what to answer, say just that. It’s okay <3

So, it’s okay! It’s for fun! YOU CAN DO THIS :D

You don’t want me to apply :(

There’s nothing more i want in this world right now that u filling that damned application form, boi.

IM STAYING UP TILL 4 AM TO WRITE THIS !!!!! :))))

I can’t find the application form

There you go ;)

A zine is not an élite art gallery. We do have a selection stage but we are also that space where you can practise, interact with other creators and make the best of yourself! We are just looking for passionate creators!!! Applying is the first step to get there. If you don’t apply and you want to, you are not even giving yourself the chance to participate!

As my dad says: you put the effort, the other evaluates it. You can only just control the effort and love you put in so invest your time and energy worrying about that, not about the result.

WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!! WE WANT YOU TO APPLY!!!!!!

love,

Mod Ami

#team punk #hidge #hunk voltron #pidge voltron #application #voltron #voltron legendary defender #faq #vld #mod ami #team punk zine #zines #events #pidge #pidge holt #katie holt #motivational #zine guide #voltron events

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lecherouswritings · 6 years ago

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Earlier on this blog I did a large, basic outline of Rat’s plot with MANY details and interactions redacted for the sake of making something easy to read and not a blatant script. The structures of the writings I post here are more for my memory’s sake and not actual prose or even thought-provoking? It’s so I can keep track of where I was in the story comparing where I am now. The stories change up a lot, as do the characters, but some have been around for so long that the changes they make are minor. I thought it might be kind of fun to “go off” on some stuff I want to touch on in Rat’s plot. I get a lot of this stuff is masturbatory self-fulfiling stuff and I don’t expect anyone to give it a read so don’t feel any pressure haha. It’s always done for myself, but I appreciate anyone who takes the time regardless.

Rat goes through several personality changes. When I had originally wrote out this plot, before tumblr, Rat was kind of this idol that people took with them, and his presence where ever they took him was disruptive, like a bad omen. Almost like he’s hibernating the whole plot until one day he breaks free from his cocoon and is the Devil. I examined it and heard other people’s ideas and felt that wasn’t really good enough. I wanted Rat to be more involved. In fact, my characters are very interactive with me on a daily basis, and I want to be able to share the voices that interact with me. It has to go through me and I’m not the best converting tool, but I’m giving it my best shot so bear with me. I thought that maybe Rat would have severe abandonment issues what with not having parents and using his friends as a family, and I wanted to avoid the word family and use the word Pack, not just for the wolf reference, but to definitely not reference the Manson Family which is a very real thing that happened and don’t want to be disrespectful to victims and such. I did model a lot of what Rat and his pack do after The Manson Family movie that Jim Van Bebber did, that was a huge, huge inspiration for me, but again, didn’t want to completely take from a real event, even if the movie was amazingly executed. All that being said, I think Rat does fine on his own and doesn’t have any fear of abandonment. He alters how he behaves and talks around certain pack members, and has a general authoritative role when they’re all together. Mixing and matching his personality based on who he’s interacting with is an important thing to keep in mind whenever I get around to the comic. I’d say he’s most genuine around Peter because Peter doesn’t believe in most of the shit that’s happening, whereas most of the pack members are fooled ( they’re impressionable 20 somethings, basically kids. ) I think also, Rat, having been bullied by other kids and adults due to his differences ( He has wolf teeth, deformed arms and legs, socially repugnant ) found a sort of underdog hero in The Devil from when he would attend church. God, who was so loving and good, never stepped in whenever Rat needed Him, so this lead to a stream of thinking that maybe he was rooting for the wrong side. But then, Satan did nothing either. That left option 3: BECOME Satan! Why not? What’s stopping him? We’re taught to be whoever we want to, so why not that? Rat doesn’t have a good concept of ( or maybe he doesn’t care to ) what’s doable and what isn’t in the frame of reality. It should also be noted that since he didn’t have much of a childhood, it’s also a big big reason why he acts so childish and childishly cruel and silly. It’s his way of expressing a part of his life he didn’t get to have much of, aside from with Amy and Kyle. Rat also has a problem processing real empathy. He’s good with faking it, playing a role if it gets him what he wants, but actually feeling sorry for someone isn’t something he’s capable of feeling once he gets older. As a kid, sure, he’s still very tender and has some good intentions left in him, but toxic masculinity sets in the older he gets, the ego and all it’s clowny ridiculousness, and how everything imaginable is a plaything for him. Again, why not? Morals? He doesn’t really care. To quote his faceclaim, “I can’t believe in the things that don’t believe in me” which I attribute heavily to his character. There are certain principals he’ll abide by, but that doesn’t make him good by any respect. He may not abide by rape, but he’s certainly an advocate for murder. OH but, he does legitimately care for his select Pack members, but it diminishes over time and becomes fake, but the readers aren’t too sure when that is, when he’s faking it and when he’s being legitimate. Why does Rat advocate for murder? What makes someone think it’s alright to take the lives away from others? So one huge thing about my stories is they’re all linked to an Old God named Hito. The chain of command in this story goes Hito - Rat - The Pack. When they worship Rat, it translates to Hito, so they’re all participating in a limited faction of Hitoism, and they’re aware of Hito and what they’re doing and what for, just not the limited part. Hito does have smaller factions that branch off, like Acolyte’s Endaiyanism which is like a masculine version of Hito but still Hito, and the opposition is Larionism but I’m not going to get into what that’s all about. What’s important is Hito and her role in this. Also super important detail as to why I almost never touch on Hito in recent art and things: Hito is never to be seen by mortals. Only glimpses and verbally but never seeing her. You have to be in the correct dimension to see her and living or mortal beings are NOT ALLOWED THERE. There’s no oxygen there so there’s no way anyone could just walk through a portal and be OK there. You can go there in dreams but Hito will not be in a visible form, you can feel it but not see her. You could’ve seen her when she was alive on Earth but she’s also not human ( her pronouns are preferred since she appears female and her cult is very female orientated but technically I don’t think Hito has a gender. ) Hito has a sort of wishmaster role in the comic where she can make people’s desires and wants become reality, so long as they’re willing to pay a life-long loan for it -- the loan being murdering people in Hitotian ritual. Rat, at a young age, wanted to encompass the concept of the Devil as he viewed him, and Hito would make that happen, so long as he killed so many people in a quota per night. The pack idea worked out because he’s able to meet that quota through his followers, so it keeps Hito satisfied and Rat on the path to physical and spiritual transformation. People never did Rat any favors, so why be peaceful when he can get what he wants by killing them? They don’t mean anything to him, He can’t relate to them, or be bothered to. He’s also a very keyed-in person, despite his lack of empathy. Rat’s the kind of person you can really get along with. He’ll know what to say to make you laugh or delight you, but he can also pull at your strings, find what makes you tick, and rile you up if he wants to. With Hito in his corner, it diminishes his fear, so Rat is very bold, in your face, and often times throwing himself and others into reckless danger for an idea he has. Or because he just wants to. Again, he tailors his personality based on his current company. He’s like a parasite who loves to worm into people for the sole purpose of his gain and nothing else. All charitable things he does for his pack members is to earn their trust. Ryan doesn’t trust Rat from the start, but is blindly following for his own gain. Rat’s aware of the mistrust and the disbelief, the Judas of the group, and knows that changing Ryan’s mind is out of the question. Ryan’s flawed by his own humanness, so Rat knows that he’ll get what’s coming to him. Based on the way Ryan and Amy interact, and knowing their history, it doesn’t take Rat a long time to deduce that Ryan took advantage of Amy as a minor when she was in a desperate phase in her life, and Ryan being older and knowing better, he’s earned Rat’s complete ire, but he keeps Ryan around because he’s a good tool; good at killing, huge and bulky, intimidating, bold and out there. Personally, however, he can’t stand the guy. He’s got a lot of normie qualities about him that Rat finds deplorable and unnecessary, but his feelings are slightly hypocritical as Rat indulges in the same behaviors as Ryan sometimes, but mostly as an act. Whoever needs to see it. I also realize, personally, that Rat and I talk about his views and reasons on things and I get 100% honesty in his responses, but the problem is that I feel it translates easier through verbal communication than written. Writing down facts and feelings on Rat are really difficult. It’s as if it doesn’t translate well, and since I don’t have any immediate questions I’m not sure what to really start or end with with Rat. Not to mention, Rat isn’t a singular age throughout the comic; he ages from 7 years old to 60s/70 years old so depending on what age the question’s aimed at will the answer vary, just like an actual person, so I try and make up general things to talk about that don’t change that much, like his stance on rapists and murdering. How about I do bullet point type of things, maybe that’ll help. Children: Hates them! Rat adopts a pecking-order mentality with children being the lowest, adults being slightly higher, and the elderly taking a backpedal back to one, but he feels more justified in messing with an old person than a child. Sometimes he’ll antagonize or enlist a child, like to help him steal something, or to incite a ruckus, but Rat hates children to the point of not wanting to kill them. He’ll usually send Ryan or Peter to kill them since they don’t have a problem with it. Amy doesn’t mind either but her, Jessica, and Kyle prefer not to. Food: Rat’s favorite foods are: Fruit gushers, milk chocolate, Baby Ruths, crunchy candy cigarettes, caramel apples, big giant lollipops, novelty candy like ringpops or baby bottles, anything with chewy caramel or rainbow designs on it. Actual food he’ll eat except he hates vegetables. Meat, cheese, but toss him an onion or asparagus and he’ll hit you. Rat’s spent most of his life living out of dumpsters and eating people’s throwaways, which is why he’s usually emaciated. He’ll sooner offer his Pack food than himself. ( Favorite drinks are chocolate and strawberry milk. ) Drugs: He’ll do it all but his favorite is acid and tequila. He’s dabbled with heroin and enjoyed that feeling, cocaine, but nothing beats the trip he gets on acid, or the punch of gold tequila. TV: His favorite shows are Care Bears, Wacky Races, anything Hanna Barbera or Looney Tunes related. Scooby Doo he loves, as well as stuff like Hair Bear Bunch and shows that were popular in his time, but mostly the children shows. Intelligence: Rat’s actually very well-read and street-smart! He’s book smart in various areas because he spent a lot of time in the library growing up since it was Not in his horrible home or on the streets, which is where his extensive reading of Satan happened. Rat loves to play dumb, a quality him and Jessica ( and occasionally Peter ) share. Maths not so much. Rat interpreted the bible’s Genesis story as a cautionary tale against learning so he made it a personal goal to learn as much as he could about everything around him. Rat’s mostly well-read on events concerning America, only after his arc does he make himself internationally known and learn about them, but Rat is um. He’s a very proud Florida-native American. Actually, in talking with him, I think he likes the image of something huge and powerful and stupid being in control, so he loves playing up dumb and insensitive when he’s a big scary monster post-arc ( He appears in other character’s stories as a monster that must be stopped!!! outta control!!! ) Attention: Loves it. Can’t get enough of it. He’ll be an absolute clown or a total showman, whatever the situation calls for. Maybe give someone else a spotlight while he waits for his moment to spring to life and steal it away. Rat is the ringleader of his merry bunch and will make sure everyone knows he’s A REAL ( MORNING ) STAR!!! Abilities: Rat has a Madness-By-Proxy ability where if he lingers in a place long enough, the people inhabiting the area will go insane and hallucinate. It’s a mind-control power that he has to flex and strengthen to get better at controlling it. The older and more experienced he gets with Hitotian ritual and murders, the larger the madness waves reach. People will wake up and murder their families and then not know why they did it, or whatever horrible deed -- in a way, this is almost a “devil made me do it” excuse if you think about it. As Rat metamorphoses, his power becomes stronger, then weaker, then the strongest. His metamorphosis is over time, deforming his body and changing his genetic structure so that he can safely pass into another dimension of familiars who’ll christen him The Devil, but first he must suffer, as suffering creates a residual energy that influences Hito and other entities to pass into our realm and alter us. I’d say almost every story I write has that element in it or similar. It’s hard to get at Rat because of his lack of empathy and warm blooded attitude, so his body and mind are targeted, his two treasured things as he’s a huge egomaniac. That being said, his body becoming deformed is both a blow to his ego and a huge ( somewhat erotic ) fascination he has. His pack are more upset by it than he is most of the time. Think of Rat as an insect going through the motions, like a caterpillar. I’d say Rat’s more adjacent to an insect than a wolf, but he loves the wolf symbolism so, so much. ( He’s a furry, give him a break, and also Peter had him manifest as a wolf in his fears so Rat loved that. ) Death: Extremely fascinated with it. All of his fantasies are centered around death, be it his own death or others. Him and Amy used to play a game when they were kids called ‘wahwad’ which is a way of pronouncing Who And How Will ( they ) Die? where they’d sit and people watch and try and guess how they’ll die or how they would kill them if they could. Rat would try and see how many drugs ___ he could do before he would feel himself slipping off, and Amy would watch him and he’d do the same for her. Kind of a trust exercise. All that being said, Rat doesn’t take other’s death seriously. He thinks people’s lives are a joke, that people are just there for him to mess with and pick apart. There’s no value to other’s life in Rat’s mind, they forfeited that when he saw how nasty they can be at any given moment. Other people’s deaths aren’t on his mind. He’ll keep people around as long as is convenient for him. I wanted a scene or two of a few victims Rat doesn’t kill right away who challenge his views, but I hate that it ends disappointingly with their logic not sinking in. I also wanted an extra pack member to be witness who WAS affected by the victim’s logic and Rat realizing their change of heart and cornering them with the rest of the pack and tearing them apart, mocking their empathy. Which leads me to... Empathy: Rat had heavy empathic feelings as a young pup, but it disintegrated as he became a teenager. Seeing the world for all it’s ugliness and until a certain age, he saw people as literal pigs ( he’s aware people don’t normally look like that because of TV and magazines ) but after they start looking like people, he secretly wonders if they really do look like pigs and which one is the facade and which is really how they look. That aside, he thinks compassion and empathy are weaknesses, which is why he loves insects, because he perceives them as living organisms with no empathy, same with reptiles. He thinks it perverts people’s abilities to make decisions and hinders them, as does morality. I wonder if even the reason he has hard anti-rape sentiments is because he’s a survivor, and it pains me to think he would have a different view if he wasn’t. All in all, Rat’s supposed to be an example of how someone can turn rotten over time. Rat’s definitely not someone to look up to, but he has good qualities if that makes sense. Rat’s story is supposed to be about a person who caves under the bad shit and turns it around and makes it power, but he does it in the worst way, hurting thousands along the way. He doesn’t care about anyone, but he’ll make you think he does so you can trust him. I wanted him to be a villain you love to hate and hate to love. I want him to make sense sometimes and nonsensical the next, that maybe your views align with his from time to time. As with all my OCs, making them as human as possible, even the monstrous ones, is very important to me, and given how vocal they are in my head, I consider them like room mates so it’s hard to translate that for people who don’t have them around. So if anyone has any questions about Rat or anyone else, feel free to ask them because I’d love to try and tackle it!

#oc: rat #long post #meta stuff #rape ment cw #drug ment cw

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shattered-glass-shattered-mind · 7 years ago

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*sigh* So it’s like this.

A while back, Muse and I got permission from Mama to ship Zane, the character of hers that Muse and I are disproportionately and probably unhealthily deeply attached to for reasons neither of us can puzzle out, with Locah in an alternate version of one of Locah’s AUs. We’ll just call the ship ZxL. Keep shit simple. She gave it to us with the added disclaimer that her own participation in it would be minimal because the concept didn’t grab her interest. That part wasn’t a problem--Muse and I are the exact same way, we can’t do dick all with anything unless we find it interesting, and we can’t fully choose what all we do find interesting, even if we want to.

Muse loved ZxL, and so did I. We immediately began trying to do things with it, to build the ship and to try and get Mama interested. It didn’t work. In fact, all it did was annoy her and stress her out. This didn’t come to light until I pried it out of her, because I had told her several times to tell me if she was uncomfortable and I would back off, but she didn’t until she told me about another aspect of ZxL that had been bothering her, and because she has a tendency to bottle things up I suspected there was more that she wasn’t telling us. Once she let it all out we were able to resolve the problem and ultimately Muse and I bottled the ship. It was simply too early in the story and Zane was wrapped up in too much spoilers for us to work with it. We still look at it from time to time but I’ve forbidden Muse from unbottling it until and unless Mama gives us the green light. Hell I haven’t even let her add it to our shipping masterlist, even under a redacted label so that nobody would know it was specifically Zane and Locah.

In the main storyline, Zane is shipped with another OC of Mama’s, whom we’ll call...fuck, let’s call her Aphrodite. We’ll call that ship ZxA. I personally think it’s adorable, even though I know very little about it because Mother has kept it mostly hidden so she can reveal it properly in-story. Aph is a very interesting character, she’s sweet and strong and works well with the surrounding characters, she and Zane look great together, and Zane turns into an absolute dorky mess around her, which is fucking adorable.

Muse, however, is for some reason Really Fucking Salty about ZxA and about Aphrodite in general. She won’t tell me why, and I think that even she herself doesn’t know. After all, she has no logical reason to be. If you’re thinking it’s because we wish we could ship Locah with Zane in the MS instead, you would actually be mistaken. Locah already has an MS ship, which Muse and I adore to pieces and which is the best choice to advance Locah’s storyline and even a few other characters’ (including Quill, one of Mama’s major characters). ZxL, on the other hand, would not work well in the MS, and Hell, something about it just feels wrong to me. Don’t misunderstand, I really do like it, but...something feels off. And neither Muse nor I can identify what. So, if that’s not the reason, what is?

Again, I don’t know and I think Muse doesn’t either. But I have a theory. It’s a problem that we haven’t been able to articulate, not even to ourselves, but a problem that’s existed for quite a while and that we’ve only just fully identified.

There is an imbalance in Zane and Locah’s relationship. Zane is incomprehensibly important to Locah. While they don’t love him romantically, they love him more than they can ever express or even understand. What they feel for him is something they have never felt for anyone else. He is utterly precious and irreplaceable to them in multiple ways. Throughout all the conversations I’ve had with Mama about Zane and Locah’s character interactions, I have come up with many things that either display or galvanise this, but I’ve gotten little reciprocation. Hell, I’ve gotten little reciprocation on even just run-of-the-mill friendship aspects.

I know that kind of love is a very big thing to ask for and I do not want Mama to force it. It needs to come from Zane naturally, or else that will be unfair to both me and Mama, both of our Muses, and both of our characters. But out of everything I’ve read (and I spent several hours picking through our Skype conversation reading every conversation we had about Zane, to make sure my memory wasn’t warped), there is nothing that Mama has shown us that expresses how or why Locah would be truly special to Zane. They are indeed close friends, yes, practically family, and he truly does love them. Mama decided on that of her own accord. But this has been mostly told rather than shown, and due to that I cannot help but question the degree to which Zane cares about Locah.

The way I see it there is nothing unique about their relationship from his perspective. There is nothing they can offer him that he can’t get from someone else, and they’re already giving him everything they have to offer. And this is something that I’ve worried about for a while and that Muse has fretted and cried over. I feel as though Locah’s appreciation for Zane is, at best, taken for granted, or at worst, unwanted, probably because it’s too intense and smothering. And if events follow current trends, Locah themselves will begin to fret and cry over it too, in-story.

I am prepared for there to be an imbalance in their relationship--again I say, love of that kind and magnitude is a very big thing to ask for. I just need to know if the imbalance really is supposed to be as significant as it currently seems, so that either it can be fixed...or I can make peace with it. Either way, I won’t have to worry anymore.

But to return to my original point; I don’t know for sure if this is the reason Muse is bitter towards Aphrodite. It’s simply our best guess at the moment. I’m trying to remind Muse to reserve judgement given that as of presently our current view of ZxA and Aph’s role in the story is very narrow, and she’s trying to keep that in mind, but unfortunately it isn’t working. As of presently, Muse can’t help but feel as though Aphrodite is eclipsing/replacing Locah, because story-wise Locah was there first and bonded most strongly with three characters: Zane, Match, and Kitten. And due to their bond with Zane, they grew to hate the story’s villain, Quill, very strongly. And then much later on in the story Aph floats into their lives and Zane is instantly smitten with her for seemingly little to no reason. No reason we can see anyways, but again, our scope is very narrow because Mama’s kept so much quiet. And for someone as antisocial and science- and logic-oriented as Zane, he really doesn’t seem like a ‘love at first sight’ type of guy. Of course, Mama knows her own character better than we do, and we remember that, but it still doesn’t make sense to us due to our limited information. In addition to this, Aph also bonds with Match and Kitten, and grows to hate Quill very much very rapidly.

Now, there are two things that make this jealousy of Aph completely ridiculous. 1) In the meta sense, Aphrodite came before Locah. Mama had already made her and established all this before we even met. So if anything, that makes Locah the intruder. 2) Aph is guilty of doing nothing more than...pretty much exactly what Locah themselves has done. They both grow to care about Zane, Match, and Kitten very much very fast, and they both grow to hate Quill very much very fast. The only difference is that Zane’s feelings for Aph are much stronger, more visible, and develop much quicker, and Aph is more important to Zane. And because Aph has a special bond with Zane when Locah and Muse both yearn so badly for Locah to have that sort of bond with Zane themselves (although not romantic), all of that is causing Muse to project her own insecurities about Locah, their relationship with Zane, and their place in the story onto Aph.

See, because Locah and Aphrodite’s roles are so similar, to Muse that makes Aph the greatest threat, if that makes sense. If Aph already bonds with Zane and Succeeds Where Many Have Failed by convincing him he’s not worthless and giving him the confidence to ultimately escape from Quill, if she already bonds with Match and Kitten and becomes The Positive Mother Figure/Role Model both of them need, if she already swears herself against Quill and vows to rescue Zane from him No Matter What--then what the Hell is Locah’s purpose??? What do you need them for??? Why are they in the story?

It all comes back to our longstanding insecurity that Locah is irrelevant and non-integral to the plot. Unnecessary. Disposable. That we’re unnecessary and disposable to the ArrowFam. I have always struggled with feeling like the expendable one, the outsider, the interloper, in any friend group I’ve ever been in. And our other character Witch is supposed to be our mouthpiece for that God damn it, not Locah. Plus, as a Muse, one of the greatest insults you can throw at her is ‘this character is irrelevant to the plot’. I think that Locah is integral to the plot and it’s just anxiety riling us up on that front, but unfortunately we’re failing to remember how.

So my current working theory is that if Locah did become more important to Zane, then Muse’s saltiness towards Aph would finally go away and I/we could appreciate her and ZxA the way I wish we could. Not more important than Aph or anyone else, just more important in general--for them to have that one special something that they can offer him. Because right now there are a number of special somethings Locah gets from Zane, but nothing the other way round. And since he means so much to us, we just want them to be able to do that for him (and they want that too). But this is the kind of thing we need to just let play out naturally and see how it works out--neither Mama, Muse, nor I can force it or plan it, and it’s no guarantee. And if that isn’t the problem anyways, well, then we’re back to square one. And as I’ve told Mama before, I love Aph, so I hate feeling like this, even if most (if not all) of it is coming from Muse.

And standard disclaimer: This is merely what I see. I’m not accusing Mama of not caring enough about me, or Muse, or Locah or their connection to Zane or their role in her story. I know for certain that she loves and appreciates me very much and that she adores Locah, and both of those things mean more to me than I can ever express. And for all I know Mama could have stuff she’s planning on putting in the story that shows how important Locah is to Zane, that she simply hasn’t told us about. But I’m afraid that the evidence Muse and I currently have is not enough to keep us from worrying.

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seriouslyhooked · 8 years ago

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Just a Taste (A CS AU) Part 2/10

AU where Emma and Killian are contestants on the Great American Baking Show and all twelve contestants hail from Storybrooke Maine. In this AU Emma is a book editor by day, while Killian is an architect who just moved to town a few months prior. Expect baked goods, flirtatious interactions, a little drama and a whole lot of fluff with a guaranteed HEA for Captain Swan. Rated M.

Part One Here

A/N: It’s bread week this chapter of Just A Taste! Expect some tension between what Emma and the others want on and off camera (now that the show is a hit), of course some much needed CS fluff, and baked goods. Hope it makes your Monday a little better, and thanks for reading!

Chaos, that was the best descriptor Emma had for the happenings under the big white baking tent right now. The remaining eleven contestants were all trying their best to make heads or tales of their latest challenge as the cameras moved about, but the charge in the room was less based on the competition and more fixated on the response that the show had publicly.

To say it was an overnight hit was an understatement, and in a matter of hours they’d gone from a completely unknown town, to a sensation that millions of people were interested in and rooting for. Craziest of all, was that it had taken only one fifty minute episode for teams to be drawn, and Emma seemed to be winning in the popular contest. Well, her and Killian, who not only were praised for their pieces, but for their chemistry. Emma blushed for what felt like the hundredth time in the past twenty-four hours thinking about some of the things people had said.

It was such a bizarre way to start something, being filmed and now watched by millions, but she knew that the attraction simmering between she and Killian was real, and that even if it was terrifying, she wanted to take the risk. After exchanging numbers at the end of the last weekend, Emma and Killian had gotten coffee and even made it out for a real first date made up of dinner and then a nighttime stroll down by the beach to stargaze. It was beautiful and romantic, yet private. It wasn’t something Emma would ever want to share on this show so that the world could know. Those moments were just for her and Killian. Well and her friends, who Emma broke down each element beat for beat with over cocoa the next morning.

As Emma worked to decipher the recipe in front of her though, the going was tough. This week they were working on Gold’s Sinful Cinnamon Swirl and on top of no baking temperature, they were given eight ingredients on their recipe list when only seven were needed. Still Emma pushed through, following her instincts and risking the fall out later. She’d done very well in the first challenge of the day with her ‘sandwich bread’ selection of brown butter infused challah, and if this didn’t go her way, she should still be fine.

“Not exactly the most accessible recipe is it?” Ruby asked as she and Graham made their way with the crew over to Emma for her mid-challenge interview.

“Well look at this,” Emma motioned to the paper, “Half of it’s been redacted like its CIA level secrets. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it tastes great when done correctly, but all the pomp and circumstance only adds to the frustration.”

“Amen!” Belle’s call from the other side of the room had Emma laughing before returning to Graham and Ruby.

“So I take it you’re not a fan of the ‘decorative gold shavings’ that the recipe calls for either.” Emma fought hard against an eye roll, not wanting to come off as totally rude and disrespectful on television but she bit her lip before responding.

“Let’s just say that I never use them in my baking. Maybe I’ve been missing something all these years, but I’ve never had any complaints about my lack of fourteen carat adornments on a loaf of bread.”

Both Ruby and Graham laughed and the crew smiled at Emma, signaling that they’d gotten what they needed before letting Emma get back to her work. She finished her bread in the allotted time, though she noticed that yet again, the larger group’s end results looked strikingly different. As they waited for the judges, Killian came up to stand beside her and whispered in her ear, confident that he wouldn’t be heard or caught by the cameras.

“Hardly my idea of an ideal third date.” Emma felt a surge of warmth course through her as she felt his breath against her ear and she smiled before looking at him and whispering in kind.

“Our third date is just an afternoon doing something we are now contractually obligated to participate in? You’re cheeping out a little early don’t you think?” He grinned at that.

“I propose a compromise. Consider this the prequel to the date, and at day’s end, you come with me to escape the madness.” Emma looked back around the frenzy in the tent and couldn’t deny how lovely his plan sounded.

“I could use a little escape.”

Killian appeared as close to forgetting himself as Emma was, and they were moments away from a kiss when they remembered where they were and pulled back. Not that Emma could fault herself for wanting one from him. She knew how he kissed now, and she was quickly becoming addicted to it. Still, they’d agreed on that night under the stars that they while the show was filming, they’d have a separation of their new relationship and the bake off. If going without a kiss for a few more hours meant less of the crazy public speculation, she was okay with that. Besides, the anticipation brewed it’s own special brand of excitement.

“Emma!” Mary Margaret called and waved her over to her and Belle, looking like she had something incredibly important to tell her, though with Mary Margaret it was always hard to tell for she was always so excitable. Emma looked to Killian who seemed to understand and gave her a small smile.

“Go on love. I really should go bother David anyways.” Emma smiled and moved to her friends, standing between Belle and Mary Margaret who quickly regaled her with some of the challenge drama she had missed.

“Guys, is that an empty plate?” Emma asked, only just noticing it.

“Someone put paprika on Archie’s table instead of cinnamon.” Instantly Emma knew that the only person horrible enough to do something like that was Catherine, but she wondered aloud why the woman would target someone as kind as Archie.

“Last week he went up to her and told her if she ever wanted to talk, his office was always open. He thought that her outbursts might have something to do with a past trauma.”

Emma shook her head at Belle’s words. So the man had the audacity to be kind and Catherine’s response was sabotage. True, paprika and cinnamon were different colors, and a more experienced baker than Archie would have known that, but the man wasn’t slated to win this. He had a few weeks left at best before this, so why waste the effort?

“Is this a distorted fame thing?” Emma whispered. “Like does she think being the show’s villain will get her something in the long run?” Mary Margaret shrugged as Catherine’s shrill voice pierced through the tent and made it’s way to them.

“I hope they send the Sister home, if only so I don’t have to see those tacky pink numbers anymore.” Emma held Mary Margaret’s hand to keep her friend both calm and assured that what Catherine was saying wasn’t true, but where Emma planned to step forward, it was David who said something.

“Catherine, stop.” The blonde looked inclined to keep going, so David continued. “This has gone on too long, and I’m done. So unless you want a nationally broadcasted breakup, I suggest you keep quiet.”

Emma looked from David to Killian, who seemed shocked but proud of his friend, and in that moment she knew that it was likely Killian who had talked some sense into David.

“Apologize to Mary Margaret.” David said as he looked at her pixie-haired friend who was blushing under the intent gaze of the man she’d so long liked from afar.

“I don’t think that- oh fine. I’m sorry.” It was less than sincere but Mary Margaret nodded and turned back to Emma and Belle.

“I know it’s probably not the right time to say so, but I think he’s sweet on you.” Both Mary Margaret and Emma held back laughter at Belle’s singsong way of saying that last part, but Emma noticed Mary Margaret’s eyes glance back to David who offered her a small smile.

“Do you think they’re really over?” Mary Margaret asked, the hope in her voice so obvious. Again Emma took her hand and nodded.

“David is a good guy, a better guy than Catherine deserves by a long shot, so yeah I think now he sees it, and now it’s over.” Belle took Mary Margaret’s other hand in friendly solitude, but the moment was broken when they heard Liam’s voice.

“Did you get that? Perfect.” Emma whipped her eyes to where he stood, entreating a camera crew to film them and now the eye roll she’d been holding at bay came through, causing Liam to laugh. “Even better, make sure we keep that.”

“If only we could have the cooking show without the show part.” Emma grumbled and her friends agreed readily, pulling the tension from her own body. Oh well, this was what she’d signed up for, and much as she feigned complaint, it was still exciting and definitely felt like an experience worth having. She looked to Killian almost involuntarily and saw him, arms crossed, staring daggers at his brother for the display and more warmth sprang through her. He was being protective over her whether he knew it or not, and the thought that he cared enough made Emma happy.

“Sorry for the hold up, everyone. We had a bit of a delay, but we’re set to go now.”

With Tink’s warning, the judges filed in. Granny looked near wringing the neck of Gold if her death stares were anything to go off of, while Regina looked angry as well even if it was better contained. When the cameras came, one never would have guessed she was upset. They made their way through the breads, and near everyone had some big problem with theirs aside from Tiana and Belle, who both did rather well. When they reached Emma’s though, Regina looked thoughtful.

“The structure of this one is good, let’s see inside. Yes, not too much air, just the right amount of rise and a beautiful swirl of cinnamon.”

“Not nearly enough gold though.” Gold claimed and Belle choked on a laugh, her hand gripping Emma’s arm causing Emma to want to laugh too, but she pursed her lips together, trying to contain her smile.

“The taste is fantastic, but I think there’s a little something extra in here that wasn’t actually in the recipe.” Regina said the words aloud and looked to Gold as if his reaction was something she was particularly interested in.

“Hell it tastes better than the one we just ate in the other tent!” Granny proclaimed, too late retorting “no offense,” to Gold who was near red with anger at this point.

“Doesn’t matter, it didn’t follow the recipe.”

Had any of them followed that redacted mess, really though? Emma thought.

The judges moved on, and though she’d gotten such excellent praise, Emma’s came right in the middle of the pile, much to the annoyance of Granny who kept looking at Emma with apology in her eyes. Emma waved it off discretely, not really caring, for certainly she wasn’t going home this week, but still. Gold clearly had a huge problem with other people succeeding, and the faster they got through this, the sooner she’d be away from the man.

“Emma, a few words?” Liam asked after the rankings had been announced and everyone was waiting to go home. Emma nodded, glad she could get the interview of the day done early.

“Sure.” They set her up outside in the place where they frequented for the shots and Liam dove straight in.

“You’ve been doing really well so far in the competition, Emma, any reason you think that is?” Emma smiled.

“I’ve been practicing at home during the week, but honestly, I’m just having fun. Thinking too much can really mess up a bake quickly.”

“How did you feel about your ranking just now?” Emma shrugged, again, not wanting to create waves here.

“I’m still learning the rules, and while I didn’t think adding an extra ingredient was a problem before, I can see that it might be if the aim of the exercise was to exactly recreate Gold’s recipe.” There, that sounded diplomatic enough.

“Do you think yours was better?” Emma laughed at that.

“I didn’t have his, but it wouldn’t really matter if it was. He has a baking empire and years of experience on me. I’m not silly enough to think that an amateur baker would know more about this than a professional.”

“You’re close with many of the people here, having known them quite a while, but you’ve also shown the most kindness to the town’s newest citizen.” Emma nodded, waiting for a question, but she didn’t get one.

“I think that one of the best parts of Storybrooke is that even though it’s small and might be insignificant from a global perspective, it has heart. This is a place where neighbors care and we look out for each other. Killian is a good person, and the town sees that.”

“But do you see that?” Liam prodded.

“Do I see that Killian is a good guy? Of course I do. I wouldn’t speak so highly of someone I didn’t actually care for.” Liam grinned.

“So are the fans correct in thinking that there could be something more between the two of you?”

“Look, Liam. I’m not talking about this. If you want to talk about baking or my feelings on a challenge that’s one thing. For now, I’ll just say that it’s exciting that people are connecting with our town and our experience here, but that all of us are still people, living our lives and wanting a bit of privacy.” With that, Emma removed her mic that they’d attached for her interview and left the area, frustrated that Killian’s brother of all people was causing the issue.

“I’ll bloody kill him.” Killian said as soon as he saw Emma. “Truly, Emma I’m sorry. As soon as he pulled you aside I knew he was going to push about us, but please understand my brother means well. He’s just heard me speak of you and…” Emma looked up at a clearly distressed Killian smiling.

“How long?” His eyes were wide with confusion when Emma asked the question and she longed to kiss that particular look away and replace it with the lust and wonder that seemed to come every time she kissed him in the past.

“I’m sorry love?” The lilt in Killian’s voice was more pronounced from the emotion of the moment.

“How long have you been talking about me?” He went red and ran a hand through his hair.

“Since my first week in town, honestly.” Emma was surprised at the confession but delighted nonetheless.

“Anyone ever tell you that you move pretty slowly for a guy so full of charm and ego?” He laughed at that.

“Don’t let appearances fool you love. I sometimes find myself doubting, and with you, I had to wonder if I was good enough.”

“Are you still wondering?” Emma asked, with the teasing fading from her voice and a longing for the truth remaining.

“I now know that you are entirely too good for me, but I’m too selfish to walk away.”

Emma could see that underneath the statement there was a genuine worry, and that something she didn’t understand was influencing Killian’s thought process. Emma would wager that in his past somewhere there was a reason, but she didn’t want to push. She could wait for him to see that she could be trusted; it was really only their second week of knowing each other after all.

“There it is again. All that charm is liable to get you in trouble, Jones.” He moved closer to her, after a brief glance to check that no one was paying them any mind.

“I like a little trouble now and then, love.”

“You seem like the type who would.” Emma looked at his mouth, wanting to steal that kiss she’d been thinking of all day, but she held back, knowing that even if they didn’t see anyone around, it was still too great a risk. She bit her lower lip so as to hold back and his eyes tracked the motion.

“Fuck my interview. My brother deserves to sweat a little for the stunt he pulled anyways. Let’s get out of here, Swan.” Emma laughed at his enthusiasm and followed him out into the rest of the evening, not sure of what was to come, but excited nonetheless.

……………………………

The next morning’s showstopper round was saddled with an unexpected element – torrential downpours. While the contestants worked through the morning to make their filled breads for the challenge that had been given to them, the droplets splashed down on the tent, causing a loud background noise. It was driving the filming crew mental, which was leaving each of the contestants a little more on edge than they might have been otherwise.

If this was a normal Sunday and rain was falling down, Emma would no doubt still be baking, the soft pitter patter of the rain would be calming, not reason for stress. To ease her own anxiety, Emma pretended that she was at home and let herself fall into the natural rhythm of baking her bread. This was a hobby she’d chosen because of it’s peacefulness and eventual reward, so she let herself sink into familiar routines as a means of avoiding the spectacle around her.

“I’m sorry, Killian, could you say that again? They didn’t get it that take,” Tink said apologetically.

Emma looked over as Killian patiently awaited his mark to explain his creation for the third time. While it must no doubt have been annoying to him, he showed no signs of exasperation.

“It’s a feta and pesto twist loaf, and the secret is in the filling. If you leave too much air, the bread bubbles and bakes irregularly. It needs to be tight, but not left to rise too long.”

“So clearly it’s a walk in the park.” Ruby said, thankfully changing her response so Killian could have a genuine reaction instead of reiterating the joke the writer’s had made.

“I’ve gotten it right once, and tried three times, so hopefully, my record improves with today’s outing.”

“Have you had anyone try it?”

Emma ducked her head to conceal her blush, but no one seemed to be looking her way anyways. Truth was she had been the taste tester and she had been delighted with the bread when she had it last night. Even the next day the bread was decadent, and when heated slightly it had been fantastic. With the bread, and some other home made food that he’d prepared in the hopes that Emma would say yes to a date, Killian and Emma enjoyed an impromptu picnic in one of the smaller parks away from the town center. None of the new tourists who were looking to see the town from television made their way that far from the hum drum of Main Street, and Emma and Killian had a beautiful time and got to see a gorgeous sunset. It was very romantic, and another of those precious private moments she’d come to cherish.

“I have, love, and the reviews were all of the raving variety.”

“Someone would have to be raving mad to try anything you make, Jones.” David’s pun-filled call from across the room had everyone in the tent enjoying a laugh and signaled the end of Killian’s interview.

As time went on, and the bakers got their breads in the oven, the smells that swirled through the tent were strong and mostly pleasant. The contestants were divided pretty evenly between sweet and savory, and now all the aromas blended together into such a heady mess it had Emma on the verge of sneezing, but she held back. The clock was ticking down, and with every moment, she was closer to submitting her final bake of the weekend. She’d taken this week’s inspiration from Oliver Twist, and though it was kind of underwhelming, she was still proud that she’d even managed a book themed bread when it wasn’t exactly a medium that leant itself to design.

Shaped in an ‘O’ for the obvious reason, Emma’s ‘I want s’more’ bread was a graham cracker white base, filled with chocolate and a marshmallow fluff. Each piece could be torn off, almost like a monkey bread, which Mary Margaret had made, but instead of glazing it entirely, Emma carefully drizzled some melted chocolate in a purposeful design. It was a lot to do in the little time she had for the challenge, but as the bell rang and the bake ended, Emma finished, pleased with the end result.

Unlike the day before, the judges managed to make their appearance in a timely fashion, and the energy that came with that was notably easier, at least until they tried the first bread. It was Ella’s, and though Emma hadn’t paid much attention to it before, she noted that the judges seemed to dislike even the smell of the loaf she’d created.

“Remind me again what the flavor mix was,” Regina prompted kindly.

“It’s a buffalo chicken and blue cheese loaf,” Ella said, now shy and unsure of herself.

“I wouldn’t eat it if I were you two, for one reason alone. This blue cheese has gone bad, and anyone with a nose can smell that. Honestly the fact that no one has fainted from how ghastly this is all day is a miracle.”

Gold’s words were cruel and Ella stood there in shock, holding her abdomen where a baby that was nearly five months along resided. She’d come on the show knowing she was pregnant, but wanting to be a part of the process because her sons were so excited about the town getting a TV show. At that moment Granny stepped in to save the day.

“Ella, I think we might actually take this as good news, honey. There’s an old wives tale that says some mothers lose all sense of smell when pregnant with a girl.” Gone were the tears from Gold’s cutting reply, and now there was a hopeful smile.

“You think so Granny?”

“Only time, and a doctor’s visit will tell dear. Until then, avoid baking with cheese.”

Ella laughed and the judges moved on, one by one down the line breaking down each bake with care until they reached Robin’s. Emma knew the man as a single Dad with a big heart and a smile for anyone. He was easy going, charming, but not over the top, and genuinely kind. That he was also handsome didn’t hurt matters, and Emma watched as Regina noticed. Never had the woman allowed herself to seem off balance, yet when Robin spoke about his marbled ham and cheese loaf, she was clearly thinking of other things, probably of the not so appropriate variety.

“For the love of God Regina, stop staring at the man and eat your bread.”

There it is. Gold’s comments have finally pushed someone too far, Emma thought to herself. There was fire brimming in Regina’s eyes, a look of embarrassment coupled with anger across her features that in a second were morphed into a wicked smile.

“Can you blame me? I get to look at your grimacing mug all day, I could use a nice break.” Then she winked – Regina Mills, picture of class and decorum and baking royalty winked at Robin in front of all the cameras, and he blushed. Emma was shocked, unable to keep her mouth closed as it hung, slack and disbelieving. Was this happening?

“Perhaps we’ll get some reprieve from romantic speculation. A judge and a contestant together should be so much more intriguing.” Killian whispered to Emma who smiled at him until she heard Tink muttering beside them.

“Not likely, with Liam intent on matching you two up come hell or high water.”

Emma covered her mouth to muffle a laugh. Even though she thought Liam’s methods were lacking, she did like that he was watching out for his brother and seemed to think Emma a good fit for Killian. Despite the feigned arguments and the frustrated moments, Emma knew that Killian had nothing but love for his older brother. Her not passing muster with Liam would be like Killian falling short with Mary Margaret, Ruby and Belle. It might not end things, per se, but it would certainly inflict some damage on a new relationship.

When the ranking was done Emma managed to stay another week, as did her friends, and it was unfortunately Archie who was heading home after sabotage and a lack luster final bake. Meanwhile, Mary Margaret was pronounced the star baker of the weekend, though apparently much to the chagrin of one Mr. Gold.

“I hate to reward something that goes by the name of ‘monkey bread,’ but the flavors were there, and she was consistent all weekend, unlike many of the others.” Gold was giving his post-judging testimonial on one side of the tent, as Regina did hers on the others.

“Miss Blanchard showed a lot of finesse in the first two challenges, and today she brought us on a journey. She told a story about what the bake meant to her and that excitement and feeling is what made her bread so good. As professionals we often forget that, it becomes a job or routine, but without an element of love or hope, a bake cannot be fully actualized. There will always be something missing without passion.”

Emma thought it was interesting that the same thing could be said about people. Sometimes people went through life unfeeling or guarded for whatever reason, as Emma knew, for she had long been such a person herself. But where habit and routine made way for a feeling of contentment, one couldn’t be really happy without hope or belief in something more. Without being on this show Emma may never have realized that, and she thought, not for the first time, how glad she was that she’d been given the chance to do this.

“I’d like nothing more than to steal you away again tonight, love, but I overheard Mary Margaret and Belle mention something about a movie night,” Killian said when the larger group had dispersed.

Emma nodded and informed him that one Sunday a month for the past few years, the friends (including Ruby) made homemade pizza, watched a romantic comedy, and pretended that Monday wasn’t mere hours away. This was the first time she’d ever been somewhat upset that she was going though. Emma would have liked a little time alone with Killian. As if he could read her mind he bent low and whispered in her ear.

“The lovely thing about this town, Emma, is I’m mere minutes away, so if by chance you find yourself missing me tonight… know that I’ll find you, should want me.” She looked at his blue eyes and fell into the intensity there.

“I’ll want you.”

Killian grinned at her admission and moved a lock of hair behind her ear. It sent a spark through Emma, and for a moment she’d forgotten their promise. Someone might have seen that, but in the end, Emma didn’t truly care. All that mattered was that tonight she and Killian would get another one of those private moments, and the promise of it wrapped around her, warm and wonderfully right.

Post-Note: So there you have it. Week two has come and gone, another Storybrooke character bit the baking dust, so to speak, and we had more fluffy CS moments. Hope you guys liked the fluffiness, and as always, I love hearing your feedback and engaging on what you guys would like to see in the story. Hope you all have a great week and are surviving after last night’s episode. Until next week!

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armidreamer · 6 years ago

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Part one here Sunday The day began with a terrible panic as I had lost my steward’s card and didn’t think that I could do my stint at the photo shoot. Luckily someone had handed it to one of the staff (which didn’t surprise me as the attendees were proving to be generous kind people).

The queues for photos with the guests started to form. I should have mentioned before that there were signs showing the guests’ names, indicating where people should queue. Seeing ‘Richard Armitage’ on the sign increased the anticipation, before he appeared, and I made sure to hover in his area of the room for my stewarding duties. Richard arrived, dressed similarly to before, apart from substituting his hoodie for a thin grey jumper, and took his position. But, WHAT!!!! He was now giving hugs (or arm contact anyway) to everyone he was posing with. I waved to Guylty, who was in the queue, and we then spoke excitedly about her impending hug but I still felt bitterly disappointed. What a difference a day makes. Then thought, sod it. I’ve spent so much money already, what would £45 matter. Luckily we weren’t busy so I abandoned my stewarding post and flew (I’m over 50 and over-weight, but I flew) to the other side of the hotel to buy another photograph and was just in time. Red-faced and puffing I joined the queue.

We were still told not to touch him, which contradicted his behaviour. This time I made eye-contact with a gimlet stare, so that I’d remember his expression (of resignation, no doubt), obediently stayed on my mark and my dream came true: my arm briefly round his pleather-clad , I think, waist (he felt surprisingly slight) and his hand lightly on my back. Afterwards I was tearful again. Ridiculous. What is it with this man? It was a glorious moment, a memory that will stay with me for a long time. His change of mind/heart made me wonder what more he would have given if there had been a third day of photo shoots, a tango-style clinch or even a North & South-style snog perhaps. Arm dream come true I have mixed feelings about my consuming desire to touch and be touched by Richard Armitage, which overrode any consideration for his feelings – and much has been written already about Hug-Gate. Yes he is an experienced professional. He chose to do the Con, and presumably was well paid, but that doesn’t stop me feeling uneasy about participating in a paid transaction that he wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about – the beautiful reluctant ‘gigolo’ [Joke, joke, this is a joke. I’m not seriously comparing being paid to be photographed with fans to an act of prostitution, but then again – no stop.]

Richard gave another Q&A in the afternoon and he seemed more at ease. I had a couple of questions I wanted to ask and, as the queue wasn’t long, I joined it – without a qualm. This was an astonishing thing for me to do as I can be crippled by shyness and dread public-speaking. That I felt confident enough speaks volumes for the non-judgmental, liberating, atmosphere at the Fannibal con, and it helped that no one knew me. The first question I considered seemed so convoluted (about RA getting into character of Dolarhyde during the Hobbit promo in China) that I knew I’d make a mess of it. It turns out that I’m quite capable of making a mess of a simple question too. When my time came, I made eye-contact and asked him why, as Dolarhyde, he had signed the name John Crane in the Brooklyn Museum register. Was it his idea because he had played so many Johns before? For a moment he looked nonplussed and then said. “It was in the book, wasn’t it?”. Someone in the audience shouted out that it was. Then RA chided, “I’ve read the book!” Oh no, not another finger wagging! Well I’ve read Red Dragon too and didn’t think it was John Crane, but couldn’t remember. I felt a right idiot. A wasted opportunity. When I spoke to Guylty afterwards, she said that it was Paul Crane in the book and she had been shouting this in the audience.

No rest for the Richard. After the Q&A, he and Mads had another autograph-signing session. It is obvious from comments RA has made in the past, that he believes in a strong work ethic. This was evident at the Con, in his patient, [stoical!] , non-chatty, conscientious application of his duties and considered responses to questions.

I had two items to be signed by RA: the staggeringly sexy promotional photograph, sold at the Con, of Dolarhyde in his zipped-up black leather jacket and then Guylty’s creation, the Flat Ritchie log book, part of a wonderful fan project instigated by her, which is travelling the world.

Queuing up for his signature, we were given pens to write our names on our autograph cards so that the guests presumably wouldn’t have difficulty spelling names etc. I toyed with the idea of writing ‘I love you’ after my name, in the hope that Richard would write it automatically without noticing (perhaps I should have written Paul Crane, ho ho). He did anyway write an approximation of ‘Love’ for many of his autographs that weekend – it looks like ‘Lol.’ (Laugh out loud?). Presumably it’s illegible to avoid him being sued multiple times for breach of marriage promise.

Richard’s signature in the log-book seems to end in an ice-cream flourish

Beforehand, Kate and Guylty and I had discussed the best place for RA to sign the log. Kate sensibly suggested asking him to sign the back page as it was flat. I’ve just noticed that he signed the opposite page, avoiding the pretty patterned page.

I have alluded to the Wizard of Oz in the heading but I did feel like the Cowardly Lion approaching Oz, except that this wizard was a 6ft+ hunk not a wee man. I still tugged my forelock afterwards.

When my turned came, I passed the photo and log-book to RA’s minder for approval, expecting him to whip out a thick black marker pen and redact certain passages in the log. He passed the photo of Dolarhyde to Richard and I blurted out, “Please don’t write on your face,” my stupid sense of humour, which he sensibly but thrillingly (masochist me) ignored. The following account was included in Guylty’s blog but, for the sake of completion, this is what happened when I asked RA to sign the log:

I wish I could recount an articulate and fascinating conversation with him. The truth is that, flustered as usual, I garbled something incoherent like “This is Flat Ritchie, he’s travelling round the world in a box. He’s been to the States twice and round Europe and we’re putting gifts in and taking them out’. He said “Ah, impressive” and then asked if he should address it to an individual or in general and I stammered, “An individual – no, in general”. I wish I had been collected enough to suggest a message. He was poker-faced, eyes down, but when I said “It would mean the world to us if you signed it” (which he was doing anyway) he looked up and my heart stopped.

I was a bogus Fannibal at the Con. My reason for attending was solely to meet Richard so I didn’t seek out photo opportunities with the other Hannibal guests or attend many Q&As, but I did get Mads Mikkelsen’s autograph. He is a fine actor, fabulous as Hannibal, and I now admire him as a person. Watching him interacting with fans, his eyes and smile would stay on a person – even after they were walking away – and didn’t switch quickly to the next in line. The affection he showed to attendees was truly touching and he was such a good sport. When he was autographing my card, I was flustered with him too and muttered something like “You are so lovely and warm with the fans” (this wasn’t a jibe at RA’s reserve) and Mads misheard and said “Yes, they are great” and shook my hand.

Mad’s autograph My last sighting of Richard was at the closing ceremony. He was sitting, a picture of awkward handsomeness, not apart on a stage but at a table with the other guests, in a very crowded but happy room of Fannibals and Armitage-loving Hannibal imposters. Each guest gave a brief farewell speech. RA spoke of people coming together from all over the world, of the camaraderie, and how he was also a misfit. He gave a shout-out to an attendee dressed as the Vicar of Dibley and two jokers who had used hotel sheets to dress as ghosts, on his suggestion for a costume. Jeremy Knight had also praised the lateral-nature of the Fannibals. And he was right. They are a lovely, inclusive, warm and generous group. I never for a moment felt too old, too awkward, too self-conscious (except in His presence). I met two lovely fellow fans Guylty and Kate, the latter I was able to witness literally walking on air after presenting a delighted RA with Jill’s Gymkhana to sign, and I made a new friend, Debbie, a fellow steward, bogus Fannibal, and long-time Armitage fan.

Whatever RA’s reasons for attending, he gave a wonderful generous gift of closer contact with fans (which I doubt was his most relaxing experience) and I’m so grateful. If this is a facetious, even carping, account of three memorable days in February, it is because I am unable to master or channel my intense feelings, on seeing him in the flesh, and put them into sensible words. If Richard does appear at more conventions and you are tempted to go, can afford it and are able to travel there, don’t hesitate – and I highly recommend volunteering as a steward. It was an amazing experience, a rare opportunity to be near to and observe an Object of Desire for a prolonged time. I don’t regret a second of the adventure and am still in a state of bliss.

#Richardarmitage We’re off to see the Dragon, the wonderful Dragon of - um- RD5 Part one here Sunday The day began with a terrible panic as I had lost my steward’s card and didn’t think that I could do my stint at the photo shoot.

#Guyltypleasure #Hannibal #Mads Mikkelsen #My Dearest Louise #RDC5 #Servetus #Guylty #Richard Armitage

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comicteaparty · 6 years ago

Text

August 30th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on August 30th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on The J-Man by Jonny Aleksey.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY START!

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning~! Today we are discussing The J-Man by Jonny Aleksey~! (http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/thelatestpage/) For those new or in need of a reminder, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question for participants to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer! If you miss out on any though, they’ll be pinned for the duration of the chat once they’re posted~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comic~! All that being said, let’s get started and have a great discussion!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

HI THERE JONNY

sorry I'll stop the caps locking

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

should I answer the questions too?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Well, I guess my favorite scene to design was the final pages of #4

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

if you want to answer the questions i wont stop you. though this is basically the only one thats non spoiler-y

and anything specific you liked about designing those pages?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

There was a lot of quiet still shots . I enjoy writing dialouge enough but visual emotion is more interesting to me.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do think that shows through the comic throughout. not that the dialogue or other aspects are poor, mind you. but i do think the comic shines strongest when its relying on the visuals.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Agreed.

The comic has a really great art style that lends itself really well to action and dramatic scenes

And the expressive characters

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah. although definitely the action. theres something in the movements that feels immensely fluid.

ironically though, i think my favorite scene is the end of #5. i enjoyed the emotional drama of jonny realizing that the world simply just isnt this easy to define black and white thing. and i think that just adds a good emotional layer that helps followup on the fact that #3 had that sense of moral grayness as well. i also just liked seeing jonny having his own little folders for villains. thats just kind of cute. practical but cute.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I just wonder when our boy the J-Man will return

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

(working on next ish

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

yessssss

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

#3 was probably the first true character arc in the comic

I'm glad it followed up nicely so far

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Good to hear

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes and im really enjoying the balance of the villains. like theres this great moral grayness to them where their motives and backstories are sympathetic. but i like that in this case it doesnt go too far. like the story keeps it clear that nah, theyre sympathetic and have dimension, but theyre 100% the villain and need to be stopped.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh, Jonny, I have something to report, if you don't mind

http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/jonny-concept-art

I think the images here are broken

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

oh yeah. I haven't gotten around to fixing that.

There's just so much to do in one day :0

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I can imagine

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I keep putting stuff like that aside so I can work on the archive stuff.

but Justin what's your fav scene. I really wanna know.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes do tell SJ

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Crap uhh It's been so long ago

http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/thelatestpage/125 bu I'd say this scene was a pretty fun one

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Oh yeah, that took a long time to make.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

how long?

if ya remember

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Probably the whole day

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

wow, that quickly huh?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I wonder if anyone noticed that pipe gag.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe but definitely not me. now i see it and thats a fantastic detail.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

i never saw it either

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I like sign jokes a lot. Probably cause of The Simpsons.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

i can see that

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i want to say i really like jonny's costume design. i like the contrast of colors but i also like how its this mix of superhero and street clothes. i think it really expresses his personality well that this is his choice of uniform.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I remember when he was drawn with rainbow colors one time

as a joke

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

The rainbow would make a cool special short sometime.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

nice

Aw yeah now I remember

you were doing a Q&A

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

His suit got more "professional superhero" as it went along but I'll be damned if he ever loses his sneakers.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

aw yea

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

tbf sneakers seem very comfy for fighting

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

indeed

for me my footwear of choice are boots

cause they hit hard

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Made it. ^.^ I liked the scene where Abe gave Johnny the costume. Like, I know you're not going to quit this, so I've got your back. And you be styling.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

MATH

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

He'll wear boots in the winter

yo!

That was very nice of him.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

boots good for kicking?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

boots are made for walking

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

abe is the bestest of best friends. abe is the vip. has the costume, has the science, has the loyalty. A+ friend.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

you sure bout that

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 2. Of all the threads in the comic, there is one that stands above the rest: Who is the Big-Man? What do you think the Big-Man’s ultimate goal is? Is he up to something big, or is his goal simply self-profit? We’ve also seen many people are in the Big-Man’s pockets. Do you believe they’ll stay loyal, or will one of them eventually bail and squeal on the Big-Man? What do you think will happen if Jonny discovers the identity of one of these accomplices? What if it is someone he knows? Do you believe, at current, that Jonny would be able to beat the Big-Man? Or do you believe the Big-Man has something up his sleeve? Lastly, what do you think the Big-Man’s next move will be in regards to dealing with Jonny? Will he continue to try and capture him, or will all efforts move to elimination?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Ok, this one I can't answer.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

you mean this one?

http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/assets/images/static/Sergei-Sternoff-Updated.png

cause he's pretty big

if you know what I mean

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

no not that one, but fair point. unless this was all a rouse. and if we think sergei is out of the picture well never suspect him of being the big-man O_O

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Sergei's just a hired goon. Not very bright.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

of course cause he has to follow the dumb muscle stereotype, is that it?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

(Just reading the backlog. Incidentally, I only made it to the end of #5, the two parter. Lots of pages!)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

That's pretty far. You only missed the prequel. (Hope we discuss that later)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I think I noticed that pipe gag in passing, it only really registered subconsciously.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i unfortunately did not include a question about the prequel cause i worried it was too far along, but the questions are optional. and so we can talk about it towards the end if we so choose.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

The Big-Man is actually Johnny himself, who time travelled back into the past and is now trying to set himself up to be a better superhero.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

that would be quite the twist

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

It's the reason he knows so much.

Actually, Big-Man's probably just an extra terrestrial.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

interesting theory

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that is interesting and not something that occured to me

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh I also found this guy on the site

http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/assets/images/static/Unknown-Man.png

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

who's dat??????

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

it's easy

it's [NAME REDACTED]

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

actually can even make that make sense. he was interested in that one energy project cause the big-man needs unlimited energy to get off earth and get home. big-man just homesick.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh yeah, and there's the Question too.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

so im gonna assume the big-man's goal is something like world domination. maybe on the underground black market level, but some sort of domination. but one thing from this question set i believe is that one of the ppl in his pockets is gonna squeal. someone somewhere is gonna get a conscience and be like, "nah maybe this is a bad idea."

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: I like it! It's why he's interested in the scientists too.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

because nothing like becoming the president for a day or two

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

idk, money doesn't talk

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Does Big-Man need world domination though? He's already got all the neatest gadgets, from the stuff used in the first chapter to whatever the heck hypnotized a scientist to smuggle out blood samples via camera feed.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Nonsense

they ALWAYS want world domination

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe shady Question guy is the squealer.

By the way, the smuggling of samples I think means Big-Man doesn't need to try and capture him. In fact, that whole thing could have been a ruse to distract from the real crime.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that is true. you could make an argument big-man already owns the world. he has no goal and is just playing with his toys. but then jonny came and he was like "a shiny new toy!?"

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Why not just grab Sleepy Bear though? Seems like an easier target somehow.

Guy's more sentimental. (Which is weird for an AI.)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

J-Mam is too protective of Sleepy to keep him out of his sight. Don't think it'd be easy to kidnap him.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

thats good. i think id be too horrified if sleepy got kidnapped.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

That is a good point. Would need a decoy.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

decoys fooling the big bad

Never fails to amaze me

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"Wait, you're not sleepy bear, you're... grumpy bear!"

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

i read that as "Sleepy Bar"

"Come get your Sleepy Candy Bars Today!"

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Sleepy Bar is what he's called in Boston

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i think sleepy bear was a great addition. because partners are good. and like, its good for the j-man's image. nobody is gonna look at a superhero with a backpack bear and think he isnt the best superhero.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

XD(edited)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

good PR

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I also want to give a shotout of my own to Jonny's costume/outfit I like how it almost looks like he's in casual gear or something

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Honestly, sleepy bear creeps me out a bit. I think maybe because of that one panel where he was putting on the outfit, and it felt vaguely like the robot putting on someone else's skin just to blend in better.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

but then you see him from the front and

wait what

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

In terms of someone working for Big-Man who might flip, aside from mystery question man, it could be that female scientist person who got kidnapped.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

gonna blame FNAF. cause i did get FNAF vibes for a moment tbh

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

"Inhale my dong enragement child"

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

But that's why he wears the bear suit. Cause his robot body is scary.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

idk she seems unlikely to flip to me. mostly cause i dont think shes on the end that realizes the extent of evil. that one friend whose name i forget has a dad that got roped in though. and i think hes the most likely to flip and then jonny will be sad realizing the big-man is just basically everywhere.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

orly

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Jonah's dad is the most sympathetic character for me. Sleepy Bear too actually.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

There is that. Not sure I remember which friend you mean in context though.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Jonah Knoxford, Jonny's friend from Cali.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh, right! Kinda forgot about him, that's plausible.

Could be that Abe's scientist guy friend gets recruited too.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

it would be reluctantly if that happened

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Yeah, like I don't see him knowing what he's getting into there, but his discovery seemed like it'd be useful to evil purposes if they learned of it.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe theres a twist coming that jonah's dad wanted to protect jonah, but jonah was already working for the big-man the whole time.

to protect his dad

its the whole switcheroo double cross

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Since they're both Jonathans in a way

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Big twist: The big-man is actually the big-woman. It's Jonny's mom.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

hahaha tbf i did consider that possibility. that maybe its a woman pulling the strings. just going pronoun wise by the fact its big-man. XD

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

How better to stay one step ahead of the police than to be married to the chief.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Big-Man could just be a code name

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, it would make sense to obfuscate that way, everyone's looking for a guy, you're in the clear.

Big-Man... code... he is actually an AI.

An alien AI.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i like the alien theory over the AI personally speaking. if only cause an AI just keeps making me think of 2001 a space odyssey atm

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"I'm sorry, J-man. You can't do that."

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I'm sorry, J-Man. I'm afraid I can't do that.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 3. Jonny would not be the superhero he is today without the help of the mysterious substance Jaintium crashing to Earth. What do you think Jaintium even is? Is it just an undiscovered element as the scientists believe, some sort of sentient, alien being, or a bit of both? Why did the Jaintium-related entity save Jonny? Was he just a convenient host, or was it a good will attempt to save Jonny’s life? Was the Jaintium crashing on Earth a coincidence, or is there something more to it? Whatever the being was, do you think it and Jonny will continue to work symbiotically? Or is there some dark foreshadowing in the fact we often see a mental embodiment of it goading Jonny into more extreme methods? Do you think Jonny will suffer more side effects, whether they are for better (i.e. new powers) or worse? Do you think others will discover the origin of Jonny’s powers (besides those that know), and if so, what do you think will happen to people’s perception of The J-Man?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

The one answer I'm pretty sure about is that he was just a convenient host. It's interesting that both Jonny and the Alien had a presence inside, kind of making up the whole being.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

crap I stepped out for a bit, my apologies

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Technically, the superhero's name is just "J", isn't it? (That was an amusing bit, where it's like 'I can't use my name'.)

Waiting for the crossover with Q from Star Trek.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

at first. He's trying to get people to start using J-Man now

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

or Q from Street Fighter

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"Is this a Q&A? No, it's a Q&J, we're not answering anything."

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I would watch that

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I guess it's nice to be thought of as a "Man" when you're, y'know, still young.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

haha i did like him almost using his name and then being like "wtf self." i like how no one called him out on the fact that it sounded like he was going to say something else.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

"you da man now, dog"

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"I'm Jo... J... J. Jonah Jameson. Wait."

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

The next coming of Jojo's bizarre adventure?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do agree with math in that i think jonny was just a convenient host.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Yare yare daze.

One thing I kind of wonder, was Jonny actually dead? Like, can Element-J actually revive the freshly deceased? Or was Jonny still bleeding out?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

gonna go out on a limb and say that i think the crash to earth was a bit of both. in that i think whatever creature was in that meteor left its origin point for a reason but that arriving on earth was not intentional.

im assuming he was dead tbh O_O

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Ooo, I'm saving that question for a later issue, Math

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

itt Rebel influences the future of J-Man

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: I could go along with that. Might be that arriving on Earth was just the closest place that could support life.

Also, the element seems to be trying to get itself back together, based on Sleepy Bear. Maybe you can use it to find more of the same. They could track J-Man that way, figure out his identity.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

actually could be an interesting conflict. like mr. stone showing up in jonny's living room and then jonny's dad getting home and being like "ITS YOU!!!!!"

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"You have no chance to survive, make your time."

Though what if it's Abe's father who manages to figure out a way to track using the element? And he tells Jonny's dad?

Plus it is radioactive, even though the cells are preventing anyone from getting dosed. Maybe the half life is such that they can work something out based on concentration in the air.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

damn I should be writing this down

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

You're free to use anything you like as a red herring.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

this is going on the assumption theyd want to devote the resources to that atm. cause tbh theres probably a lot of other things to learn about the element first.

like why is it stable cause iirc past a certain point most elements are not stable

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: True. But if Big-Man's been stealing it, maybe the police want to track it to find HIM. J-Man's a fringe benefit.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and can only be made for a fraction of a moment

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, maybe that's what grapple-girl was measuring. That time she poked J-Man in the eye.

I want to see more of her, incidentally.

I feel like she's that Megan person who had moved back into the area?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that was my thoughts exactly too

that it was this megan who was moving back

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

write it all down, please J

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Most of the mystery I have worked out. Just the little details I could use.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I feel like she'd have lots of cool gadgets, because she doesn't have superhero powers (that we know of).

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, that's something I'll mention - at first, I thought the J-Man had kind of attracted more evil to him, what with bulking up Sergei and Big-Man sending in goons. The idea that superheros cause supervillains. But then there's been a few like Heatwave who already existed. So maybe not as much?

I wonder if Megan's defeated anyone.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i usually assume with superhero genres its a bit of both

that some ppl are already super powerful

but that superheroes attract more super powerful ppl to be made as well

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

hmm

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

which is logical

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

maybe

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

cause you cant do the evil unless you can neutralize the ppl who can stop you

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Makes sense to me.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and thats assuming the superhero lady is megan. it might not be even if we theorize the same. but the possibility exists.

i wonder if the jman's world has like a justice league or avengers equivalent

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

They work out of Sweden.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Maybe in the future. As of right now the only public-known supers are J-Man in New York and The Valve in Seattle. J-Man's on his own.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Until Abe gets his superpowers.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

there's more beings with superpowers in this world?

*shot

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Waiting for the issue where Abe and Jonny switch minds.

I'm not even sure which minds - J-Man's head is crowded.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

actually that was a point i thought that was worthy of discussion. is the being using jonny as a host sapient and when we see those mental manifestations were seeing the creature? or is the creature not really sapient and those manifestations are simply a side effect of the joining that sort of splits jonny's mind into extremes?

QUESTION 4. Besides the bigger mysteries, there are many, many smaller mysteries that have been left unanswered. Who is the shadow person who appeared to help Jonny when Jonny was fighting Sergei? Why did they help Jonny, and how did they know about the tranquilizer? Who was the mysterious masked person Jonny met before getting distracted by Abe’s father’s kidnapping? What was the masked person up to? Have we seen the last of Heat-Wave, or will Heat-Wave come back to exact revenge on Jonny or someone else? What about any of the other villains we’ve seen? Do you expect we’ll see them again, or will they stay away for good? On a less superhero level, do you think Jonny will continue to be able to keep his secret superhero life secret? Who do you think might find out next, how, and what will it affect? Finally, what do you think will happen if Jonny’s dad finds out The J-Man is his son?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I feel like it's sapient but still very confused by the Earth.

Good questions, I feel like I already talked about some of 'em.

I'm psychic.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

is masked lady who we assume is megan a crime fighter or is she more an antihero up to her own business that requires a hidden identity? that is a question we havent addressed

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I think she's up to her own business, but not necessarily an antihero.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Maybe

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Just fashion challenged.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

not a fan of black skin-tight suits?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, maybe she's the blue character in the 'previously' art.

Jonny: .... Got me there.

I still don't think she's antihero like catwoman though.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

looks at his characters with black skintight suits

hides them in a corner

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do think shes up to her own stuff. my antihero opinions are out until we see her again. i dont see her and jonny joining forces though.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

We don't know if she was doing any illegal stuff cause J-Man interrupted her. Very rude.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

True. That's a good point actually J-Man needs better social skills. He tends to assume the worst.

His shades of grey skills are getting better though.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i assume illegal cause she ran off and wasnt doing any crime fighting. although tbf vigilantism is pretty illegal so j-man is, in fact, the criminal

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"I was the criminal all along..."

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

His dad would be dissapointed

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Could it connect back to the prequel that I didn't have time to read?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah i really hope his dad finds out. that sounds like such the epic emotional drama

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

On some subconscious level, maybe his dad suspects.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe. idk about that.

i liked that the prequel had mr. stone. cause in the main comic i always was like "man this is a weird lighting choice for mr. stone." and now it all makes sense. its not lighting. the name is just literal

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

He's stoned?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Oh man. I hope that wasn't confusing.

I guess I coulda conveyed it better.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I just thought he looked pale, I think...

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Nah, his skin is pure concrete.

He beats up Jon Sr. pretty badly in the prequel

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Ouchie. Stone cold.

So, two things I want to get out there in the last 15 minutes or so. First of all, WOW, how much time has likely gone into this... because I followed the link of the old vs new fight with Sergei, and it looked REAL different. So, a lot of early stuff was drawn twice, I guess?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

nah its okay. it wasnt something that really bugged me. just one of those hmmm thats odd maybe theres a reason. i just like knowing now and in retrospect i feel sort of dumb for not realizing XD

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

heh

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Yeah, I first made 6 issues in high school (2011-2012), but I didn't like the art and some story elements so I decided to remake them for the webcomic. #1-3 are those old comics redone.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

that long ago huh?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Damn, that takes willpower. IMHO.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

yeah. J-Man now is about 4 years old

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

happy 4th!

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Second thing I wanted to mention was all the little cameos and things that were mentioned to be there from other comics. That's classy, like going the extra mile in my opinion. Kudos.

I also remember seeing Christmas arts on Twitter with some of the people I follow.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I like cameos

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

oh yeah I got one of those last year

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Not sure what I'm gonna do this year.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I's amazed at having the time and inclination for all that. Whoa.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that outfit for sleepy bear is adorable

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Works as nice promotion too.

Random question, d'you think anyone could remote into Sleepy Bear and take over? Does he have a good firewall?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

It started as a thing to do cause there wasn't a Tapas X-Mas collab last year (and this year too, sadly)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

seriously, thank ya for the awesome art, Jonny

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

if sleepy bear could be remoted into, that sounds like the makings of a personal FNAF

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I hope Christmas J-Claus returns this year

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

The Jaintium in him would probably disrupt anyone trying to hack him remotely. I'd have to be a physical connection.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: Maybe it's Megan's way of getting a sidekick.

(If Megan's not the girl, this'll look real silly when someone goes through the backlogs.)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that sounds adorable. fighting over sleepy bear and who gets to have him as a partner

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

(Maybe if SF does a holiday thing Santa-J will come back)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

sounds good

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Jonny: Fair point. Interesting how it's not ruled out.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

And before we go I wanted to say keep it up with J-Man, you've really turned it into something magnificent. @The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

As to mystery masked person providing tips, maybe it's just another manifestation in Jonny's head.

And I think HeatWave will become a hermit somewhere. If he returns, it might be to help J-man at the climax.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i considered that. but perhaps its that one chick from the prequel you didnt read math.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: Ahh, hmmm.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do hope heat-wave returns. and also makes fire puns. "If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen."

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Wait, we haven't mentioned ships! So, anyone out there shipping Jonny and Abe?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Puns are always good.

LAST MINUTE SHIPS GO

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

(Actually, some of the bonus art is really cool, like for Halloween. I laughed at the BL one for April 1st.)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Don't want to burst your theories but the chick from the prequel was Jonny's Mom.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

So Jonny's Mom IS the Big-Man. Wait.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

This year's Halloween pic will be video game based

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Nice

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY END!

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party time is now up~! Thank you everyone so much for reading and joining this week’s chat~! We want to give a special thank you to Jonny Aleksey, as well, for making The J-Man and volunteering it for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Jonny Aleksey’s efforts however you’re able to. All that being said, if you would like to continue discussing this week’s comic, we highly encourage you to do so~!

For next week, Comic Tea Party will focus on MORBIDITY by Charu. As always, please use the next several days to read as much of the comic as you would like. We hope to see you next Thursday on September from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat~! Until then, happy reading~! Comic: https://tapas.io/series/MORBIDITY

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