#I started this piece back in 2021 finally finished it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

daengtokki · 1 year ago

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𝐵𝓁𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝒟𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝒫𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝟧

Kim Seungmin/Female Reader

wc: 7.4k

rating: fluff/light angst/mature/explicit ಇ (contains: f/m receiving oral, pet names, Seungmin being sad)

comments: Blind Date part 5! Wish I could’ve thought of a better title. This is separated into pieces by month. All of the oneshots in my masterlist happened after these events. And since I tried following a strict timeline for the entire series (part 1 started in sept 2021), we are now in Feb 2023, the morning after Last Date.

⠂⠄⠄⠂⋆ ⠁⠂⠄⋆ ⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂⋆☽

February

The next morning you wake up warm and too well rested. You never wake up like this. There was no blaring alarm at 6:45, and no noisy upstairs neighbor while you tried to get to sleep.

No, none of that happened. You’re not there anymore. You breathe in the brand new scent of a brand new bed and finally focus your eyes on the spot in front of you. It’s empty, but you can tell he was there. The pillow isn’t fluffed, and if he tried to fix the blanket, you messed it up again in your sleep. He was here, though. And he’s still here. You can hear him right outside the door, walking down the little hallway.

And then it’s quiet when he reaches the kitchen.

You search for your phone and find it tucked beneath his pillow—10am. Seungmin sent a text twenty minutes ago…

good morning ☀️🤍

He’s too sweet to come force you out of bed on your first morning here.

One long shower later, you wrap yourself in the sweatshirt he left folded at the foot of the bed. You’re not sure if he left it there for you, but you’re taking it anyway…at least for now. And just as you walk for the door, you hear him again.

He’s humming something.

Now you remember what you were talking about right before you drifted off to sleep last night. You listen carefully as you get closer, and he gets louder, but then he hears you and stops for a second, starts again, and smiles at you.

“Morning,” you wrap your arms around him from behind and squeeze. “How long have you been up?”

Seungmin spins himself and hugs you back, “not long…maybe an hour.”

“What was that you were humming?”

“Oh…uh, it’s called Wish. I can sing it, if you’d like.”

He remembered. Maybe not until just now, but you’re glad that he did. As soon as you nod at him, he smiles and hums again—and very slowly, he starts to sing. You can tell he’s hiding himself a little, busying his hands with the coffee grinder and not making eye contact. He’s being shy, so you decide not to watch him too closely.

First, you walk toward one of the windows and pull the blinds back a little. Winter sunlight pours in and lights up the room. Seungmin looks back to see what you’re doing. You catch him and smile, and he smiles back. Then you open one of the moving boxes. This one goes to the kitchen, and you notice now that Seungmin has already emptied one of them. He specifically found the one with the coffee maker, the coffee, and everything that goes with it.

You sit on the arm of the couch and watch. He doesn’t realize it for a while, so you get to watch him work.

First he plugs in the grinder—he must have waited to do this part so he didn’t wake you, but he still waits while he sings. He pours in the beans and closes it, but doesn’t turn it on. Next he fills the coffee maker with water. He fumbles with it a little, so you wonder if he typically uses something a little more fancy.

The grinder turns on, and he looks back at you, and he stares for the few seconds it takes to finish and stop itself. Smiles. Turns and goes back to his task. Pops in a filter, pours in the coffee, turns it on.

“Thank you”

“For what?” He closes the distance between you and tucks himself between your open legs.

“Getting the coffee out, and making it. And singing for me.”

He leans in and kisses your forehead, “that’s my job. I’m going to get you a Nespresso machine, though.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I may have ordered it already.”

You pull him closer and push your face into his chest, “are they wondering where you are?”

“Probably. Not curious enough to ask, though. Or text.”

“Are you worried about it at all? Should I not be as worried as I am?”

Seungmin stands you up and holds you tight against him. Rubs your back, kisses your ear and works his way down to your neck. “You don’t have anything to worry about. But maybe this is why you had trouble sleeping.”

“Yeah, but I��I’ll try not to worry. I have you, that’s all that matters.”

“You have me. And we will have each other all day…what would you like to do?”

What would you like to do? There isn’t much the two of you can do—you have to stay inside, away from people and prying eyes, because if anything ruins this, you’ll have nobody again. You won’t have Seungmin.

But you’re perfectly satisfied spending the day with him here, looking at him, talking to him, touching and kissing him. Doing nothing. He already has the coffee going, so you’ll make breakfast and sit on the couch with him nestled between your legs. Maybe you’ll find something to watch together. Or you’ll just watch him play one of his games. He can tell you all about the last few weeks—the weeks that you’ve seen in so many photos and videos; ones that don’t tell the whole story.

“Nothing”

“Nothing?”

“I just wanna be here with you. What are you hungry for?”

“Hungry for? Hmm…” he grabs your hand, does a cute little spin—you watch his hair bounce up when he shakes it out of his face—and he sits on the couch. “What am I hungry for?”

The feeling of falling hits before you realize his hands are on you, and you do fall, very neatly into his lap. One arm squeezes you around the middle, and the other hand pulls at the collar of your shirt. The fabric is in the way of the kisses he traces along your shoulder, but he manages well. And he gives you goosebumps. You can feel every hair stand up, and the shiver that runs through you feels so loud in the quiet room.

“Min,” your lips tremble, “Minnie?”

“Yes love, is this okay?” Your knee is pulled back and your legs spread across his lap. But he doesn’t touch. His fingers knead gently into your soft inner thigh, slowly moving up, and then down.

You relax against his chest and nod.

“I’ve missed you,” his hand jumps up to your arm and does the same, “touching you…the way you touch me. I didn’t realize how much until after I left last month.” He sighs and pulls you, turns you on his lap until you’re chest to chest and straddling him. “You weren’t there. And I left you alone, and I felt…guilty.”

“No, don’t ever think that. I don’t want you to feel that way.”

“I know. I thought about it before, too. Before everything, after everything. And what would happen if things, you know, got serious.”

“We knew it would be like this, Minnie.”

“We did, I know.” Seungmin’s mouth twists and he sets his head back against the couch. “I was so worried about how you would deal with everything, I forgot about myself.”

“Oh, Seungmin…I thought about it.” You adjust yourself, sit up a little on his lap. “You always act so stoic, so I wasn’t sure if I should even worry. You’re tough to read sometimes.”

“I am, I’m sorry.” He looks at you again, eyes still glossy and big.

“No, I like trying to figure you out,” your fingers graze over his ears, tuck the loose hair behind them. They’re warm and pink like the flush of his cheeks. “I get a little more every time.”

“Not enough to scare you away yet?”

“Not even close”

The kiss you lean in for is so eagerly returned, you almost lose your balance. But Seungmin takes you by the waist and holds you tight.

“You sure?”

You yes into his mouth and push your tongue in. The coffee maker beeps loudly from the kitchen, but it doesn’t distract. Seungmin pulls you closer and grips your thighs, hard. It feels good. He pushes down until you’re on him—and his dick, still mostly soft, is growing against you.

His heart is racing. You can feel it when your hands move over his back, and you pull away to give him a moment to breathe.

He lays back and looks at you, and then looks down at where your hips meet. There’s a smile forming on his lips, but he’s biting them and making them even more swollen and red. You can’t read him, of course.

“Hey, look at me.” You touch under his chin with your knuckle until he lifts his gaze. His eyes give him away—he looks sad, but you don’t think he is. Worried, maybe. Hopefully not worried about some part of him you don’t know yet, and it being a part you won’t like.

“Hi,” he closes his eyes and lets the smile take over. Eventually his shiny, braceless teeth appear, and he relaxes. Sighs. Squeezes his fingers into your hips.

You lean down and kiss his jaw, and you can’t help but suck a little when you get to where his pulse is still beating wildly. Leaving a mark sounds…appropriate. He can cover it, of course, but knowing it will be there, and that you put it there—why not? You suck until you can nibble on the skin, until he makes a sound and moves his hips.

“That’s a little naughty,” it comes out like a laugh and a moan and a feeble attempt at a protest all at once. “Now they might get curious.”

It is. It’s a bit bold. You pull away and move to a new spot. “Are you good with your concealer?“

“I’m sure I can figure it out.” He laughs and his throat jumps under your lips. “Can I request?”

“Of course, what would you like?”

First his shirt comes off, and he grabs the back of your neck, gently guides you further down, then stops when your lips graze his nipple. You look up and his hand is covering his eyes and he can’t contain his smile.

You run your tongue over him, hard; kiss and suck him into your mouth as loudly and dramatically as possible. Then you move to the other side and do the same.

He’s red in the face.

“Don’t be shy, Min”

Seungmin looks down at you and squeezes your neck. And he whimpers when you do it all over again.

“…puppy”

His hips jump up into yours, “hmm…did you call me puppy?”

“Yeah, your eyes when you look at me like that,” you glance at the red mark forming on his neck, “puppy eyes,” you move to it again and kiss while your thumb circles his hard nipple, “my sweet pup…does it feel good?”

It does, and you know it. You can feel it in his little movements—his thighs shaking beneath you and his quick deep breaths. His eyes glaze over and he sinks into the couch as the blood rushes to his dick. And his sounds, so needy, coming from deep in his chest. But they’re soft. He breathes them right into your mouth when he grabs you for a kiss.

The time you’re apart from him is filled with cute texts and selfies, late night phone calls, Seungmin’s stories he tells you in a hushed voice in his hotel room—because the last few nights he has had to share the space. It makes up, to some extent, for when he’s not here and you can’t talk until one of you falls asleep; when you can’t make coffee and stare at him across the table the next morning.

When you finally come together, this is what will happen. You miss his touch, and (now you know how much) he misses yours. He’s shy about asking for new things, and all you want to do is give him exactly what he wants.

Your hands slide down his stomach, grab at the waistband of his sweats, and when your fingers graze over the hard tip of his cock, he groans.

“Yeah,” he finally answers when you pull away, “…so good.”

“Any other requests?” You dip down again and kiss across his chest, over his stiff, sensitive nipples.

"Uhmm…uh," he’s smiling and licking at the corner of his mouth—thinking. His brain seems to work a little better once you stop kissing.

“Mmm, yeah…maybe”

“Tell me”

Before he can get another word out, his phone buzzes. And then again. A few seconds later, it buzzes one more time. It sits there on the counter just a few feet away, innocent, but not really. You hate his phone when he’s here with you, because any notification could mean he’ll be on his way out.

He’s still looking at you when you pull your eyes away from it.

“I can grab it for you”

“I don’t want it”

“No?”

He shakes his head, “I want…mmm, I want you—” he pauses for a few seconds. One hand hangs from his neck, the other is kneading into your thigh, “to lie on your back.”

One more kiss, then you lift yourself from his lap, and do what he says. You make yourself comfortable; one leg hangs off the side, and the other slides down until the sole of your foot can rub his thigh. Seungmin doesn’t move yet, just sets his head back and looks at you…looks at you like he’s still a little unsure, and a little bit hungry.

As soon as he moves, your heart races and your legs start to shake. He turns himself and closes a hand around your ankle, and he holds tight before he slides his palm up your shin and to your knee. It’s forced back against the couch, and he puts himself right between your legs.

His lips are warm and wet on your thigh, but the hem of your shorts gets in the way, and he stops to grab them by the waist band.

“Minnie…”

He looks at you as he pulls them from your hips, and you watch his gaze move down.

“Min”

The air is cool against you, and you open your legs further without realizing it. Seungmin’s lips hit your other thigh and kiss, moving closer and closer…

You gently grab a handful of hair and tug until he looks at you, “Seungmin.”

“Yes?” His hand is so close to touching you, and his mouth isn’t much further away.

“You haven’t tried this yet…are you sure?”

“Mhm…yeah”

Maybe he’s a little clueless about what he’s doing down there, but his mouth closing around you, the temperature change, and his tongue sliding innocently over your swollen clit does what it needs to do. You move your elbows from under you and let your back hit the cushions.

He sucks hard, and the sound he makes when he releases you is so loud and dirty and satisfying, the little laugh you can’t contain turns into a sigh.

“You can tell me what I’m doing wrong.” You look down at him again, and he looks up, pokes his tongue out to lick his lips, “and what feels good.”

“That felt good”

He does it again, and then his tongue slides into your folds, and it’s not much, but it feels perfect. Every part of you is so sensitive, and the thought of him down there is really all it takes to set your nerves on fire. You roll your hips into him, and he pushes his mouth harder into you, moves it side to side, tongues your clit so delicately that you spread yourself open even more.

“Seungmin,” it comes out like a delirious giggle, it makes him laugh, and his mouth vibrates. You stutter when you start up again, “did you…ah…ooh.”

“Did I what?”

You don’t answer right away, because he doesn’t stop. He’s sucking again—his fingers circle your opening, you can feel how wet you are against them, and you desperately want him to slide them in, but he only teases.

“Did you research?” It comes out like a laugh and a moan, because he’s doing something very right down there. He’s a little erratic and his touch is light and careful, but it’s driving you crazy. It feels good.

“Maybe,” he smiles and kisses. “Am I doing okay?”

“Yeah, you are…don’t be shy, though. You don’t have to be so gentle.”

“Am I being too gentle?”

Seungmin is always gentle. It’s the only way he knows how to be. Even now, he’s staring up at you with his cheek nuzzled against your thigh. He’s been so careful with you every time you’ve been intimate, and you can’t wait to get him out of his shell.

“Mhm, but I like it,” you run your fingers through his hair and scratch, and he groans. "Keep doing what you think I'll like.''

One long hard lick from your opening to your clit, and then he’s back on you. He kisses back down and pushes his tongue in deep, lapping up every bit of arousal that he can. He moans and pulls you by the hips, and you wonder if he can even take a breath.

“Minnie,” you purr and squeeze his hand, and he grabs back to lace his fingers with yours, “aah yeah that’s so good…fuck.”

He keeps going, and his thumb slides over your clit and sparks go off behind your eyes.

The sound you make for him is so needy—you weren’t ready for how he was going to make you feel, but it’s just him. His touch and his sounds and his eagerness. It’s as if that year of built up frustration…that year of waiting for him, pours out of you every time he gets close. And it feels so good.

“Make me come”

His drawn out, dramatic mmmm sends a shiver through your thighs and up your spine. He’s working hard, and he’s so focused; two fingers reach deep inside of you, and the tip of his tongue moves softly. His lips close tight and suck. You’re overwhelmed with his touch now, and you need the slow rise of your orgasm to last forever.

But Seungmin gives it to you, and your moan echoes so loudly off the bare walls of the empty apartment.

His lips stay put, but his fingers slip out and move up until they reach his mouth. You can feel the heat from his tongue as it slips out to run over them

“Hey…” you nudge him with your leg, but he doesn’t move, doesn’t respond. “Seungmin, you okay down there?”

“Mhmm.” He’s there so suddenly, hovering, looking down at you with lusty eyes—even more hungry than they were before. “I am very okay”

“You work too hard, you know that?”

“Do I? I guess I should relax more while I’m here.”

Your legs catch and pull him down until you can grab for his waist. “Yeah, I wanna take care of you,” you kiss him once, “sit down…”

There’s something about the way he listens and obeys without question, and the way he looks at you when he does it. You like that look.

“Lay back and get comfortable. Do you want some coffee while I suck your dick?” You touch him, just to get a rise.

“Do I…uuh, do I want—“

“Iced?”

“Iced is good”

You watch him carefully when you get to the kitchen. His back is to you, but you can see his face when he does finally get comfortable against the pillow.

The clink of ice on glass brings him back from his daydream. He keeps his eyes closed, though, because the sun is a little too bright coming in now, but it doesn’t last—a few seconds later he hears the blinds being pulled closed, and now it’s dark.

One eye opens when he feels you climb back onto the couch, coffee in hand. The bittersweet smell hits him when you set the straw to his lips, and he takes a long, slow slip. Now he opens his eyes and grins at you.

“Is it good?”

Seungmin nods and grabs your sweatshirt when you reach over him to set it down.

This is new for him, too. You’ve done it before, very briefly during your first time together, and he remembers it very well, but you’ve never gotten yourself comfortable between his legs like this.

His head falls back when you touch. It’s just the palm of your hand moving softly up and down, and there’s still fabric separating you, but it feels so good. And he does relax, just like you want him to.

Your voice rings in his ears (“gotta get you hard again, love”). He still feels a little drunk from eating you out and making you come, because he wasn’t sure he could. And he thought he was going to come, too, but he somehow controlled himself. Now he’s softened up a bit—but just seeing you here, pulling at his shorts, stroking, leaning down to kiss and lick—he’s growing in your hand.

The warmth of your mouth warms his entire body. You pull every inch of him in, and when his head hits the back of your throat, he whines and bucks up.

“Sorry…sorry”

The feeling of your lips pulling up and off of him makes him do it again.

“It’s okay, you might not fit in a few seconds.”

“No?”

“Just wanted to go for it while I had the chance.”

“Are you still going to try?”

He can feel the hard pulse of blood rushing to where your hand is gripped tight, the other palm is gently cupping his balls, caressing them, “oh yeah, I’m gonna try,” and then your mouth is on them.

“Ah…that—" he sighs and lays back even more, trying not to disturb you while you work. The warm wet licks across his skin—Seungmin didn’t know he was that sensitive there, and that it would feel so intense, “wow.”

He hears and feels you giggle.

At the same time he’s trying not feel so self conscious. Maybe you felt the same when he had his face between your legs, but all Seungmin could think about down there was making you come, how horny your taste made him, how wet he was making you.

Now you’ve switched places, and he should know better anyway. His mind, heavy with pleasure as you explore him, still skips back to all of your previous times together—your first kiss, sweet and surprisingly intense. Seungmin wasn’t ready for it, and he wasn’t ready for the hard-on he tried, with great difficulty, to hide and calm down. Somehow, you did not notice. Or you didn’t say anything. And then you kissed him again, and again, and he never told you that was the first time someone really kissed him and meant it.

aah…mmm his hips buck again when you run your tongue up his shaft.

You’re taking your time with him, and he thinks you might be doing this more for your own pleasure than his. And that makes it even better.

The second date, when he somehow found the courage to kiss you himself—more than kiss you…he pulled you right on top of him. And then your hand found his erection, and he hoped for a moment, before he got nervous, that this would be his first time. He liked the idea of it being with you, even though you didn’t know each other well. But you liked him, and you didn’t hide it. You were exactly what he needed.

As soon as he scared you off, he so badly craved your touch again; your fingers running down what you obviously wanted.

“Minnie?”

He hears you, and he smiles at you, but it takes him a second to reply, “yeah…aegi.”

“You’re quiet, are you okay?”

“Perfect...don’t stop, you feel so good,” he sighs and reaches for your hand.

You grab his and slowly work him into your mouth, further and further back. The warm, wet feeling is familiar…but watching you swallow him and gaze up at him, it’s so much better in the moment. Seungmin whines when you suck hard and pull back, and bucks up when you push back in.

This time you take all of him, and when he feels the tight squeeze of your throat, he groans and grips your hand in a desperate attempt to keep his hips still. Now his mind is blank and buzzing, and all he can comprehend is you, and the hot radiating pleasure moving through his body.

In and out, so perfectly timed, his head is pushed down your throat—the tight stroke of your hand, your palm and fingers delicately massaging his balls. He could scream. His free hand fists the pillow under him, and he lets himself moan so loudly. He has to, otherwise he’ll lose control, push himself deeper and choke you.

You push him in even more, and now your lips are flush against his skin.

Every last inch is in your mouth, down your throat. It’s such a pretty sight. Your eyes water, and you hold onto his hips as you carefully, slowly pull him out. You leave a mess of spit, and your face is pink when you breathe in deep and cough, but you’re back to stroking him as you catch your breath.

Seungmin wipes at your lips with his thumb, and the look he gives you is full of worry, and concern. He doesn’t want you pushing yourself for him.

“I’m okay, Min”

“Are you…” his breath catches when you close your mouth over his head and lick, “…sure? Mm, yeah you’re good…fuck. Right there.”

“You like it like this?”

Your tongue circles his head, over and over, and he rolls his hips upward when it slides hard over his tip.

“Yeah just like that”

Seungmin lets himself relax again—back against the pillow, neck arching delicately over the arm of the couch. If you could see him like this, you’d tell him he looked like a painting; a statue, something too pretty to not be preserved. He stares up at the ceiling and lets himself get lost in the moment. His head swims. All he feels is you—the steady, hard stroke of your hand, and the pressure of your tongue on every perfectly sensitive nerve.

When he finally lifts his gaze to peek at you, you immediately look back, and your eyes lock. Neither of you seem to want to look away first, so Seungmin doesn’t. And you don’t. If anything, your stare intensifies as your hand and mouth work harder on him.

“Should I warn you?” he asks, and a shy laugh follows. “When I—“

You nod and pull him in again, not completely, but enough…a mouthful.

Seungmin is still holding out, but he can’t do it much longer, especially now that he’s looking down at you and watching every movement you make. It’s an overwhelming feeling.

The last time the two of you had sex, it was so intimate, and it was slow, and he almost doubted you for the briefest moment beforehand. But then you told him you loved him, and he was so relieved you stopped his mouth from saying anything stupid in that moment. Or not saying anything at all, because he just can’t get the words out even if he feels it.

But he is thinking and feeling it now as he watches you. And he feels himself getting there, and he can’t hold it back any longer.

“I’m gonna come…I’m gonna come”

He lets go and you hold him tight, work your mouth gently up and down as he empties himself for you—swallow, lighten your touch, kiss across his head. His hips relax again, and you move your mouth to the softest part of his thigh.

He just watches you kiss up his hip and stomach, and he wonders how long you’ll take to get to his lips, because that’s where he wants you. Until you get to his nipple. Now Seungmin hopes you’ll stay there a little longer, and you do. He’s even more sensitive than he was before, and you feel the goosebumps that jump up all over him.

“Now what?” he asks just as press your lips to his.

“We eat lunch. I’m so hungry.”

｡˚☽˚｡⋆

Every hour you get with him is special, and you take care to remember that whenever he’s here with you. This time it was four. Four perfect hours. Seungmin continued to ignore his phone when, eventually, you both got yourselves off of the couch.

He made you coffee, and he finished the one you made for him.

You ordered and ate lunch, helped him do his laundry and playfully scrutinized his folding techniques. And then you helped him pack.

It’s in the middle of this that he finally checks his notifications, and he takes his time doing it. You watch closely as his eyes move up and down the screen, and then he types and waits for another message to come through.

“Did you get everything you need?”

You just need to break the silence. There’s not much here that belongs to him...not yet at least.

Seungmin leans in to kiss your cheek, “yeah, I think so. My ride is on the way.”

“Oh…we should get you zipped up and ready to go.”

“We should?”

“No,” you stand and hold your hands out for him. “Maybe.”

His phone buzzes in his pocket as you head for the front door. He doesn’t check it—instead he drops his bag and works on getting into his shoes. “I think he’s here,” he checks after a second buzz, picks up his bag again, then sets it back down when he looks at you, “come here.”

You’re already halfway to him when he says it, and you squeeze the air out of his lungs

“Be safe, and don’t forget about me”

“Forget about you? I won’t if you remember to text me all day.”

“I don’t wanna bother you too much”

“I better have a text waiting for me every night when I get off the stage…no, a voice message. Both.” His hands rub in big circles over your back and shoulders.

Another buzz from his pocket.

His arms slip away, but he goes in for a kiss, and Seungmin lets you hold him there for as long as you want. You grab his hand and hold it as he unlatches the locks, squeeze tighter when he turns the knob and clicks the door free.

“I’ll see you soon”

“Seungmin?”

You stare at him, and one by one your fingers begin to unhook until only your middle fingers remain. The words just don’t want to come out. Even as you repeat them over in your head, when you open your mouth, it’s only air.

His other hand tickles beneath your chin, almost like he's coaxing it out of you. "You alright?"

"Yeah”

“Yeah?”

“I love you”

His mouth opens, but nothing comes out. A blush rises up his neck, and you can see his vein jump. But he still doesn’t say anything.

“I…uhm-“

Seungmin pulls you against him, and his hands are all over you again, moving gently over your back, down, until one sneaks under your shirt. He presses his warm palm against your skin and keeps it there.

“—I miss you already”

Still no reply, just a soft, sweet laugh against your ear. He pulls back and places a wet kiss on your forehead, then his bag is over his shoulder and his hand is on the doorknob again.

“I’ll call you as soon as we land, I promise”

｡˚☽˚｡⋆

March

｡˚☽˚｡⋆

May

“I know you’ve been busy, you don’t have to explain yourself,” you can barely hear him grumbling, “and don’t apologize.”

“Please”

Both of you are silent, but there’s still commotion on Seungmin’s end. Endless voices, an intercom, kids screaming. He’s at an airport somewhere.

“Okay, you can do it once. Only once.”

“I’m sorry I’m sorry…I won’t see you for a few more days.”

“It’s alright, Minnie. I’ll be at work, I’ll have plenty to keep me busy, I promise.”

“I’ll make it up to you, somehow. Is there anything I can bring home for you? I’ll find you something anyway.”

“No, I don’t need anything. Just you and your dirty laundry.”

Seungmin laughs, and that’s enough of a gift. You hear one of the others teasing him, but you can’t tell who it is, and he laughs again, tells them to stop being nosy. You figured one of the others knew about you, and that confirmed it.

“Give meeee…” he thinks and hums, “three days. How does that sound?”

“Tuesday? Okay I’ll see you a Tuesday.”

He sighs and fumbles with his things, and it sounds like he almost drops his phone, “you’ll be at work.”

The worry and uneasiness in his voice is too much, but you know now matter what you say, he’ll feel bad—he’ll feel guilty.

“Just tell me when, and I’ll be there to greet you.”

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June

“We’re okay, right?” Seungmin is standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. His back is to you, but you still hear his soft voice. It almost sounds like he's not talking to you, like he's speaking to someone else in front of him, like he doesn't really want you to hear.

And you’re not sure why he would even ask you that, because as far as you know, yeah, you’re okay. The two of you are the same as you've ever been. He just got home a few hours ago, though, and he’s been a little quieter than usual.

“I think so,” you watch him carefully, but he doesn’t move from his spot. “I mean…I’m okay. Are you okay, Min?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Anything you wanna talk about?”

From where you’re sitting, you can see him slowly shake his head, slump his shoulders a little, and drink his coffee. He’s tired, and he needs to sleep. Maybe talking can wait until after he’s gotten some rest.

“Come sit with me. Please.”

He rubs at his neck and turns to face you, and he looks…off. He didn’t look quite like that this morning when he came through the door. And he still isn’t getting any closer to you.

“Baby, what’s the matter?”

Finally he starts toward you, but he doesn’t look happy about it. His head falls back and you can see him scrunch his nose at the air, “I’m okay.” He sits down next to you and sinks back into the couch.

“Maybe you should get some sleep.”

“I’m not tired.”

His voice is still soft, but he says it quickly and with no thought. He sounds annoyed, and you’re not sure how to take it, or reply. He’s been gone for a while—either away or just so busy that he couldn’t get away to even see you. You haven’t seen him face to face since the 23rd of May, and you only spent the night together—he’s been spending every night for the last few weeks at his dorm.

And he is tired. He can tell you whatever he wants, but you know him well enough to hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. They’re in the middle of a comeback, so you’re actually surprised he showed up this morning, unannounced.

“Okay, okay I’m sorry.”

He looks at you, eyes heavy. It feels like he’s looking right through you and at the wall. For the first time, you’re unsure about leaning forward and kissing him, or grabbing his hand.

The quiet between you continues, and the longer it goes on, the harder it is to break. Seungmin closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath, sinks even further into the couch. You sit back on the other end and try not to look at him. Instead, you look at your phone. Stare blankly at it. There’s nothing there you want to see. You have him here with you, and he’s the only thing you want.

The last time you sat together here on the couch, he was cuddled on top of you, unable to sleep, but trying to relax. Humming happily against your chest, rubbing his hand over your arm. You think back to greeting him at the door this morning—he kissed you on the lips, pecked you on the cheek, then disappeared into the bedroom with his things.

The sinking feeling in your stomach gets even worse.

His eyes are still closed, at least. When you rise from your spot on the couch and head for the kitchen, he does exactly what you hope he does—it only takes a few minutes until he folds himself up and gets comfortable. And you know when he’s fast asleep, you can see it in the way his body rises and falls so steadily with his breath, and how his fingers twitch every so often.

Now you just have to hope everything is okay when he wakes up.

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"Hey...hi."

Seungmin is peeking around through the crack in the bedroom door. You closed yourself in there so the living room would be silent for him. And you know when he finally woke he was groggy, confused by the dark, and by the quiet. There are so many windows in there, but you made sure to pull every curtain shut tight.

"Can I come in?" His voice is still small.

You give him a nod, and he immediately steps in and pushes the door most of the way closed. A half finished water bottle swings from his hand, his bare feet shuffle a little on the carpet. He seems to be avoiding your gaze as he makes his way to his side of the bed. Carefully, he climbs on—trying not to disturb the papers you have strewn around—curls up into a ball like he did on the couch, and even though it's warm, he gets all the way under the blanket.

"You wanna talk yet? We don't have to…but...“

You told each other you’d always talk and be open, even on the bad days. Especially on the bad days. Seungmin is having one (or several) of those, and he’s obviously struggling. He has spoken to you openly about his feelings before, so you know he’s capable. You just wonder if he will this time.

“I’m your person, remember? You can give me some of what you’re feeling. Whatever is going on in here…” You set your palm on his forehead, run your fingers through his hair. He relaxes, but still doesn’t talk or move as you gather up your things, set them aside, and get under the covers with him. There’s a moment of hesitation and a little jump in your stomach, but eventually you reach for and grab his hand. He doesn’t pull away, and you’re relieved when he squeezes his fingers around yours. “You can tell me.”

“Mm…I’m not sure.”

“Not sure what’s going on in here?” You rub his temple and a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “That’s okay.”

“I do…but I don’t.”

“Is it work?”

“Sometimes.” He looks at you. “You’re right, I’m very tired. I’m sorry.”

“Is it just that… just worn out? It seems like more.”

Seungmin squeezes your fingers again. “We have been doing so much, I have been…I don’t feel like I’m doing my best.”

Being hard on himself is not new, to him or to you. But he’s usually able to see through it and pull himself up, keep going, push forward.

Everything lately, and you’ve kept up with every single comeback moment, performance, interview, etc…has been exhausting as a spectator. You can’t imagine being him. You can’t put yourself in his place. The amount of eyes on him, and the criticism—you could never handle it.

“Oh, pup…I wish I could make those feelings go away. You do so well, all the time.”

He moves closer to you, puts your arm around his waist. You squeeze him until he finds a good spot and nuzzles against you, but he’s still tense.

“I know I’m biased and you might not believe me, but I watch you all the time. Only you. And you’ve been amazing every single day. Did you go back and listen to yourself singing Laundry?”

He nods against you, hums a little mhm.

“You sounded beautiful. And you looked like a prince.”

“I do believe that you’re biased,” Seungmin laughs a little into your neck, “I’m glad you think I did well, thank you.”

“It’s not an opinion, Minnie. It’s the truth. And I know there’s more. You’re always hard on yourself, but you’ve never come home like this.”

Seungmin squeezes himself even harder against you—face in your neck, legs twisted with yours, air being forced out of your lungs by his grip. He groans loudly as he softens his hold.

“Why did you ask if we were okay earlier?”

He goes right back into your neck and sighs.

“…Seungmin.”

Another muffled sigh, a groan. “I’m just being stupid.”

“You’re not being stupid if something is upsetting you.”

“My sister accidentally told an old school friend of mine about us. She didn’t believe her, she said this would be worse than a long distance relationship, and something like this is silly and would never last.”

“Silly?” You take him by his shoulders and force him out. You need to look at him. “Us?”

Seungmin nods and looks anywhere but at you. “She said it’s just a matter of time before you lose interest in me. We spend too much time apart, and it’s not normal.” He pulls the covers up to his chin and pushes himself down. Now all you can see is his eyes, his forehead, and his blond hair spread across the pillow. “I ignored it, but then I didn’t hear from you yesterday, or the day before so I started thinking about it too much. And we haven’t seen each other at all lately, I’m so exhausted, and I feel like I’m not doing well enough. I’m not a good boyfriend.”

“Oh…” his words, no matter how softly he speaks, knock the wind out of you. You think back to yesterday, the text you typed and didn’t see sitting in the message box, unsent, until very late last night. And the day before…you were at work for twelve hours, but figured Seungmin was so busy anyway. “Oh, Min…I’m so sorry I didn’t text you. But none of that is true.”

The room feels warmer, but it’s not. You’re just angry at yourself for leaving him on read. You push the covers away from both of you and plant kisses all over his face, “I love you more every time I see you, or hear your voice,” you move your lips gently over his ear, making him giggle, “even if I’m an idiot and forget to send a text.”

“I was starting to think I was away too long.”

“You have been gone too long, and I’ve missed you, but you’re gonna have to do a lot more than that. I haven’t forgotten how long I went without you after we first met.”

Seungmin covers his face with both hands, but his hesitant smile is peeking out beneath it. He runs a hand through his hair, flips onto his back, and kicks the blankets away. “Don’t remind me.”

“Don’t ever say you’re not good enough.”

The look on his face is still unsure. He’s staring up at the wall, blinking slowly. Lost in thought, maybe.

“I think we’ve done pretty okay so far.”

“I know you could find someone to be with you every day if you wanted, and you deserve that.”

You reach out and grab his hand again, “finding someone isn’t easy, and finding someone like you is…impossible. I’d take this over any of my past together-every-day relationships.”

Seungmin looks you up and down, settles his gaze on your face, and rolls over until he’s hanging over you, “yeah?”

“That didn’t make the relationship good. You make this good.”

Lips graze your cheek—he kisses softly down to your jaw, and across your neck, “good,” he sighs when your fingers run through his hair, and he collapses onto you. He mumbles something into your neck.

“Hm?”

“Did you call me…pup?” He’s smiling fully for the first time all day, beaming at you. A completely different person from earlier.

"Yeah, I've never called you that before? I’m pretty sure I have”

"I don't remember, but I like it.”

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thelostgirl21 · 9 months ago

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I've finally finished making all the adjustments to my Jaskier costume!

Full disclosure, I started with a pre-made Jaskier costume, i.e. this one:

I bought a man's XL size (because I figured it would be easier to "shrink it" than discover the costume I'd ordered was too small).

Then, completely unstitched the jacket and the vest apart, cut each piece to fit my own size, put it all back together, split the back panel into two panels instead, added rivets on the side panels and made sure they went all around the collar, the jacket ornaments/clasps (I'm lucky enough to have a friend with a 3D printer, and to have bought the pattern before the store on Etsy moved... I wanted to link it here, but it's no longer available!), and, of course, the underarms slits with the laces!

a.k.a. The one detail that had my partner looking at me in utter disbelief asking "Are you serious?! Who is going to be paying attention to your underarms?!

Ah, me. I'll know! If I've kept hyperfocusing on that specific detail of the jacket ever since Yennefer hugged him, you bet I'd notice if my jacket was missing the laced slits!

(Plus, let's face it, given how that shirt's fabric is very synthetic and not at all breathable, I've a feeling I'll be grateful for the underarms openings!)

Oh, yeah, and I made the lute with a bunch of scraps I had lying around (including half dried out fabric paint) for a dance number back in 2021.

And for little impulsive shits like me that enjoy cutting corners...

If you want to quickly color PLA 3D models in the laziest fashion, a permanent Sharpie marker will give good results in terms of covering / color intensity, and then you can fix that color using "Mod Podge" (I used one with the matte finish).

And yes, I'm 100% aware you're supposed to sand your 3D models, but I loved the look of those "tiny stripes" on it, so I've kept them (also, lazy impulsive little shit... That'll take the time to add laced underarms slits to her coat, but can't be bothered to properly sand and paint those clasps! Don't question me!).

Now, back to Radovid...

#Jaskier #Radskier #Cosplay #Only thing missing for Radovid is that long red kaftan / robe of his...#Yeah I've a very weird crafting room...#My Posts #Radskier Cosplay

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choicesficwriterscreations · 1 year ago

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June Creator of the Month: Thosehallowedhalls

Please welcome this month’s Creator of the Month is @thosehallowedhalls.

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists. The writer or artist is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTM's can be found here.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog Masterlist

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

I can't remember exactly. 2021, I think? Laws of Attraction was on its tenth chapter.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined in January of this year. I was upset with Crimes of Passion 2, so I wrote a couple of stories about it. I had deactivated my old Tumblr long ago, so I had to open a new one.

3- How did you pick your blog name?

I love old buildings - the history, the ambiance. I tried hallowedhalls, but it was taken, so I added the article.

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!

I… have zero recollection of this post. But I'm big on nostalgia and mourning past times, so the fact that this was my first post tracks.

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both?

I write fanfiction. I've been teaching myself to draw, but I'm not anywhere near close to sharing what I do.

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

I started writing fanfiction way back in… 2010? For about four or five years. Then I stopped until December 2023.

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Crimes of Passion on both counts.

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

That would be The 2 AM Christmas Tree Farm, inspired by The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. I do still like it, but I would tighten up the writing a bit. I had barely written any fiction for several years at that point, and the lack of practice shows.

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created?

I keep going back and forth between The 2 AM Christmas Tree Farm and Home Without. Both are angsty short series.

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

I was taken aback by the comments on The 2 AM Christmas Tree Farm. I'd posted it on AO3 a few weeks before, and had gotten a handful of kudos and one comment, but within 24 hours of posting it here, I had several lovely reblogs. It was a welcome surprise. Stories with fewer comments… I guess Home Without. The first chapter got quite a bit of love, but by the time the final chapter rolled around, fewer people were interacting.

11- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

I love a balance, but I'd say angst with a happy ending. I enjoy the breadth of emotions angst lets you explore.

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

There are bits and pieces of me in all of them. Emma has my sarcasm, and Raine has my need to look for the best in people. There may be more, but if so, it wasn't done intentionally.

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

Perfectionism. Like I said before, the lack of writing practice shows. I know that the only way to get better is to keep writing, but I hate seeing the gap between what I do and what I want to do. Catch-22.

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

My Sebastyan x Emma fic, Of Cloudless Climes and Starry Skies. There are only a couple of chapters left, but I've been struggling with it for a couple of months now.

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first?

Oh, hell no.

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

So many writers have influenced my writing throughout the years, including authors I do not currently read. The Brontë sisters, Charles Dickens, Nora Roberts, Jane Austen, Courtney Milan, Alyssa Cole… I could go on and on. Fanfic writers… There are a lot, but off the top of my head, @inlocusmads, @coffeewithcutcaffeine, @gaiuskamilah, @aria-ashryver, @jerzwriter, @dutifullynuttywitch, @aces-and-angels, @petalouda85, and @storyofmychoices. I know there are more.

17- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series?

Home Without. I'm a sucker for good pining, and I'd love to see all that mutual longing play out onscreen - not to mention that reunion.

18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art?

I do. I'm currently working on a horror short story, a MG novel, and a dual timeline mystery that's still in the research stages.

19- What other hobbies do you have?

Reading, non-fandom writing, drawing, learning new things (especially languages!), going on walks, and drinking enough coffee to alarm medical professionals anywhere.

#cfwc creator of the month #creator of the month #playchoices #choices stories you play #choices fic writers creations #thosehallowedhalls

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black-arcana · 3 months ago

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EPICA Shares Music Video For 'Fight To Survive - The Overview Effect' From 'Aspiral' Album

Dutch symphonic metal frontrunners EPICA have finally released their brand-new studio album, "Aspiral", today. The band invites fans to immerse themselves in the full sonic journey as it is meant to be experienced: from start to finish in one go.

"All of us in the band pushed each other to create the best possible album," the band shares. "We've once again explored new musical and lyrical frontiers, and we hope 'Aspiral' resonates with you as deeply as it does with us. The whole truly is greater than the sum of its parts — this album is meant to be experienced in full."

In conjunction with the album release, EPICA has unveiled a sci-fi-themed music video for "Fight To Survive - The Overview Effect". The track draws inspiration from the cognitive shift experienced by astronauts after observing Earth from space — a powerful moment of awe, interconnectedness, and a profound appreciation for the planet's fragility.

"Musically, this song encapsulates the full spectrum of EPICA," the band explains. "From heavy to soft, uplifting to melancholic — 'Fight To Survive' embodies it all."

The visually striking video was once again brought to life by Remko Tielemans and produced by Kollektiv Kunststoff, who also directed clips for the band's previous singles "Arcana" and "Cross The Divide".

In a recent interview with Paltrocast host Darren Paltrowitz, EPICA vocalist Simone Simons was asked if it was a "difficult" process making "Aspiral". She responded: "It didn't feel difficult. It was definitely more intense because we had scheduled more writing camps where we would get together to spin off each other's brains or spawn ideas back and forth, also together with our producer. And I think compared to how we did it back in the day, let's say before [2021's] 'Omega', we were often writing, recording while still being on the road. And that, I think, is more difficult. And we learned from that mistake by making more time, clearing our schedule to really focus on the writing and recording of the album, to stay in the flow and to keep a better balance. We toured a lot in our whole career, but for us it's also important that we get to put the right amount of energy and focus into creating new music because that definitely has the priority. Without music, we cannot tour. Of course, we have a lot of albums now, but still it's a new way how we roll nowadays."

To celebrate the "Aspiral" release, EPICA will play three exclusive shows in the United States in early May: in New York City, Atlanta, and Los Angeles.

The "Aspiral" LP title is derived from the eponymous bronze sculpture made by Polish sculptor and painter Stanisław Szukalski back in 1965 and stands for renewal and inspiration — key words that define EPICA in 2025. In Szukalski's work every detail is a piece of art in its own right, and there's always more to the story than you initially think. The band saw this as the perfect analogy for the creation of this ninth album: each song stands on its own with a distinctive vibe and meaning, while together they enforce each other into a monumental effort.

The album, featuring stunning cover artwork by Hedi Xandt (RAMMSTEIN, GHOST, PARKWAY DRIVE),is now available for pre-order. The special editions even include the Blu-ray and audio recordings of the full monumental "Symphonic Synergy" performance in Amsterdam that the band recorded in 2024 with an orchestra and choir.

Recorded once again at Sandlane Studios and expertly mixed and produced by Joost Van Den Broek, "Aspiral" boasts 11 new tracks:

01. Cross The Divide 02. Arcana 03. Darkness Dies In Light - A New Age Dawns Part VII 04. Obsidian Heart 05. Fight To Survive - The Overview Effect 06. Metanoia - A New Age Dawns Part VIII 07. T.I.M.E. 08. Apparition 09. Eye Of The Storm 10. The Grand Saga Of Existence - A New Age Dawns Part IX 11. Aspiral

In a recent interview with Mexico's Euphonico, Simons stated about the inspiration for the LP's first single, "Arcana", she said: "Well, it was kind of a lot of things coming together. Rob [Van Der Loo, EPICA bassist] and I are, besides colleagues, we're also really good friends. And he had a deck of tarot cards with him. And I thought, 'Just for the fun of it, let's do a session. Let me draw some cards and then you explain to me what they mean.' And it was a very enlightening experience, I guess. The song, the music was also written by Rob. And then I came up with the idea, like, 'What if I write a song that's kind of inspired by the meaning of the tarot cards and the session that I had with him and what I think it meant for me at that time in my life and where I am now?' So, yeah, it's a very — how do you say? — soul-searching kind of topic, and that's something EPICA has been writing about for quite a while, but so far we haven't touched on the tarot subject. So I thought this could be a cool topic to integrate in the new album, which is all about reinventing yourself, like a rebirth, renewing yourself. So it kind of a cool thing to draw inspiration from."

Elaborating on the writing and recording process for EPICA's new album, Simone said: "I think 'Arcana' was one of the songs that came together quite quickly. We had many writing camp sessions in Holland. We rented a house where we were meeting a couple times for, like, a week in a row, and we were all just sitting together. And Rob had also kind of a clear view of what he wanted vocal-wise, and then he just let me do my thing. And it went very naturally to write the lyrics.

"The vocal recordings [for the new EPICA album] took place in the summertime, which is a good time to do so because autumn [and] winter is a time when everybody gets sick," she explained. "So, for me, it's great if I'm in the summer in the studio, so I'm in a good shape or not running a risk of getting a cold and that it affects the voice, because I did have to record albums back in the day where I did get sick. And luckily you can't hear it. I know which songs are the ones. But it was a very smooth process. We worked together with the same producer, Joost Van Den Broek, who became a little bit like the seventh EPICA bandmember. And it's great working with him. Yeah, we were diving into all the little details and we were really concentrated on making the songs as a band together.

"I think people that don't know EPICA, they don't know that we don't live in the same village," Simone added. "We live, actually, in four different countries. So for us to get together and really work on the songs is tricky. And we started doing that already for 'Omega', and we really liked that, to clear our touring schedule, because we tour a lot and to really be there together and not everybody at home in their home studios. You get a total different result if everybody's there in the same room; you feed off each other's creativity, and that's very beneficiary for the songs."

Asked if there is a main songwriter in EPICA or if everybody contributes to the songwriting process, Simone said: "Everybody gets to write songs. And some songs, I think the guys did write demo songs on their own, because we all have our home studios, and when we were together in the writing camp, then we were sparring off ideas and sending each other the files, and then everybody was working on a random song at the same time. There was a funny moment where, I think, Coen [Janssen, EPICA keyboardist], Ariën [Van Weesenbeek, EPICA drummer], Rob and I were sitting in the living room area, but kind of far apart from each other, and Coen was working on a song and he thought he had his headphones plugged in, but it was running out of the speakers. And then we said, 'Oh, cool. That sounds great. Which song are you working on?' And he was, like, 'Oh shit, you guys could hear what I was working on.' So it was everybody in different rooms. Isaac [Delahaye, EPICA guitarist] was in the attic playing the guitar, and I had to wait until very late before I could go sleep 'cause he went on writing music, recording guitars until almost one o'clock in the morning. But it was a really lovely experience. And everybody gets to write songs and everybody gets to work on those songs. So, we all put our little own salsa on the songs. [Laughs]"

"Arcana" marked EPICA's first new release since "Omega" and the collaboration EP "The Alchemy Project".

The "Arcana" single also included "The Ghost In Me (Danse Macabre)", EPICA's collaboration with Europe's second-most visited theme park, Netherlands's magical De Efteling, and their new attraction Danse Macabre.

The previously released music video for "Arcana", directed by Remko Tielemans, can be seen below.

In a recent interview with Spain's Mariskal Rock, Simone stated about EPICA's new album: "I'm so happy with the songs, I'm so proud how everything turned out and it's gonna be another amazing EPICA album. We added a couple of new elements, but also went back to the roots, the old EPICA. And yeah, I just can't wait for people to hear this.

"I loved 'Omega' and we toured so much with 'Omega' and had wonderful experiences, but then when you reach the end of a touring cycle, you start to get itchy and feel, 'Okay, now it's time to do the new album. Can we do it as good or maybe even better than the last album?' That's always the thing we strive for, ways to renew ourselves a little bit. And we feel a very strong spiritual connection also that it's our ninth album. So there's gonna be themes around the symbolic meaning of nine, the number nine."

Elaborating on the musical direction of EPICA's new album, Simone said: "The songs are heavy. There's a beautiful ballad, a very cinematic song, very uptempo, very doomy, melancholic and amazing, amazing power riffs. It's the most epic EPICA, I think, so far. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'm feeling it. I'm very happy with it. I'm proud of it."

#epica #aspiral

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nihilnovisubsole · 1 year ago

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Because of your latest post: not sure if you’ve answered this before, but how does someone even entertain the idea of writing for the game dev industry? Did you start out on indie games or just write before and show them your work? Since it’s such a subjective field etc

if i have, it bears repeating! here's a rough timeline of what i did. never discount the value of luck and the kindness of friends

2016: i was doing a random freelance transcription job when i saw @theivorytowercrumbles post about writing for voltage. they reblogged the studio's open casting call for new writers. since it was so lenient - no experience, fanfic samples allowed - i applied. they hired me for their new project, but let me go after a trial period, citing that the tone of my writing was a bad fit for that game. i foundered for a while after that. i don't take rejection well. i started dangerous crowns to try to make money from writing some other way.

2017: one of voltage's producers reached out to me and said they'd started another project that i was a good fit for. she felt letting me go was a mistake and wanted to snap me back up. i said yes, i mean, are you kidding? so i started on reiner's route.

2018-2019: i kept at it. i took on diego's route. it occurred to me that i wasn't making very much money, but i liked my coworkers, and i was building my portfolio, so who cared? i also finished dangerous crowns, and a handful of people bought it, but certainly not enough to support myself or anything.

early 2020: between the pay and creative differences with voltage's team, it started to sink in that i needed to find other work. i applied to the few open game writer jobs i could find, but with only mobile romance in my portfolio, i got nowhere. i threw in dangerous crowns samples. i tried to network on twitter. i still never made it to the interview phase. i foundered for a while again.

late 2020: the voltage writers went on strike. i gave a statement to a journalist that one of obsidian's narrative designers noticed. we became acquaintances over it. another old friend of mine threw me a life raft in the form of a different contract, better paying, on a non-romance indie game. i took it gladly. i added a twine game to my portfolio, too. i kept applying. i got a few interviews, but something still didn't click.

2021: i finally accepted that i needed formal help. i did a portfolio workshop. i got resume coaching. the coach passed my name to a writer on the company of heroes team. they liked me! they also paid me more money than i'd ever seen in my life. at the same time, obsidian advertised a narrative job opening. i applied on a lark and let my ND pal know i was doing so. why not, right? college-new-vegas-fan me would want me to. they rejected me, but not before i passed their writing test and two interviews. i had nothing to lose at that point, so i told my ND pal that i was bummed. she gave me a golden piece of advice: "you came really close. try again."

2022: obsidian had another narrative opening. i threw myself at it. i was now going to annoy them into hiring me. since i was a known quantity from applying six months before, they had no qualms about interviewing me again. this time, it worked out, and i've been there ever since.

what's the common denominator here? i met people who thought i was all right and gave me a hand up when i needed it. the standard advice is to work with a community of your peers instead of trying to get your heroes to senpai-notice you. it's not that they don't care - they just have their own thing going on, and your peers could be the heroes of tomorrow if the right project comes along. i also found the portfolio was the end-all-be-all when it came to job hunting. i went through a grieving process with that! i'm not afraid to admit it. i wish studios had held my degree or dangerous crowns in higher regard, but i just had to make games in a wider variety of genres, and that was that.

one caveat: narrative is a really saturated field right now. a lot of people want to write, and there aren't many openings. it's not uncommon for big studios to get hundreds of applicants. larian probably got over a thousand for the job they posted recently. i feel awful saying that, because i don't want to discourage you, but i'd feel worse if i didn't let you know what you were getting into. if it's something you want, you should try! keep an open mind about the random projects you may find. you never know where they'll take you.

#asks #anon #workjob

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thatcatbasil · 3 months ago

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ok watcher thoughts after finishing* it

obviously spoilers under the cut. also this is a very long text post so it warrants a cut regardless

*i did the main ending but not the other one with the throne. i will be doing that next. these are just my impressions after the first ending. i may or may not make another post after i do the other one. if i feel strongly enough about it i will

quick preface i've been into rain world since around 2021. my hollow knight hyperfixation led me into discovering and playing rain world and eventually my fixation ended up shifting to rain world instead etc etc. the original game's been my jam for a long time. that being said my opinions on downpour have wildly shifted since it came out, and my final verdict is that i don't really care for it anymore (besides gourmand and rivulet. i still adore them cause they're very fun to draw but in my head i've pretty much divorced them from the plotlines of their campaigns. especially rivulet). 2ish years after the initial hype of "wow more semi-official rain world content! and relatively soon after i got into it!" i've fallen out of love with downpour from both a lore/story/writing perspective and a gameplay perspective. i think it's too fanonized and character/gimmick-driven (which of course is to be expected since it originated as a fanmade mod) and it goes a bit against the spirit of the original game, but that's something i'll be talking about later. the focus of this post is going to be watcher. i'm still going to make comparisons to downpour since that's currently rain world's only other dlc but i don't mean for this to solely be a downpour hit piece. i can still at least appreciate all the work that went into downpour, it's very well put together and i did very much enjoy it at release. but let's talk about watcher now

did i like watcher? yes!!!! a lot!!!!! but really only after the first couple hours of it though. to be totally honest i was genuinely disappointed at the beginning for a few reasons but it managed to turn itself around decently fast. when i got out of the starting area and ended up in industrial complex i had a whole "WE'RE BACK IN THE FUCKING VANILLA REGIONS AGAIN" moment since the teasers had really emphasized the new locations, but i'm really glad that that was a fakeout and i was proven wrong. there's so many fantastic new regions and i really enjoyed poking through them. initially i did feel like the region hopping didn't feel cohesive and i did have some qualms with the inclusion of modded regions, but as i progressed i did start to notice continuity/cohesion between them and the transitions felt less jarring as i started putting pieces together. i really really love the environmental storytelling at work and this really shone with places like cold storage (the lizard tubes!!! surely the answer was in a lizard skull all along!!!) and signal spires (the pyramid iterators!!! awesome callback to the original concept art!!!). i thought the modded regions fit pretty well too, to the point i didn't realize some of them were modded at first (i don't really play region mods to begin with though. the only ones i recognized were coral caves, badlands, and aether ridge from browsing raindb way back in the day. i didn't realize that stormy coast and desolate tract were mods until i spotted them in the credits).

the elephant in the room i'd say is the lack of clear direction and less focus on a Main Plot. i hadn't done any Serious full playthrough of rain world since my initial playthrough of downpour (most of what i've been doing since then are hunter expeditions because that gamemode is super super fun to me) and i think getting so used to downpour's handling of the gameplay and narrative really threw me off at first when it came to playing watcher. cause with downpour's campaigns there's a very clear sense of progression (especially with spearmaster and rivulet, those are essentially get to point A to point B and carry an Important Item to point C). but the original/vanilla campaigns are extremely vague especially to a newcomer, and hell you aren't even strictly required to visit one or both iterators if you don't want to or are doing a pilgrimage run. you do have the overseer occasionally showing up to point you down the intended route as survivor/monk but it's not immediately obvious where they're trying to take you on the first playthrough. and That Is The Point Actually.

as a slugcat you are an animal that's suddenly dropped into this vast world, and you aren't supposed to understand everything around you. and you're just like every other animal in being a part of this ecosystem instead of some kind of element separate from it. that's the main issue i have with downpour, the slugs are very gimmicky to the point that they don't feel like real animals, and the huge focus that their plotlines place on the iterators (this doesn't apply as much to gourmand, gourmand is perfect in every way) doesn't make you feel like just an observer anymore. in the original game, you're meant to just be a fly on the wall to these incomprehensibly vast godlike biomechanical creatures, not a key player in the plot on their level. and that's what the watcher really succeeds at, bringing rain world back to what it is at its core. of course you have the cloaking ability, but it isn't entirely foolproof and you have to work around its limitations. it's not a gamebreaker like saint's thanos snap where you can just blast a predator out of existence, you have to be tricky with it cause the predators can catch onto you, you're vulnerable when you're stunned at the end of its duration, etc. and even with the cloaking gimmick you're just an animal and just an observer to the outside world. you will not get to know every detail for sure about the life of the echo or the lives of those pyramid iterators off in the distance or the precursors passing by the window, but you can sure as hell speculate about it. which is the fun part! everything is vague in rain world so that leaves plenty of room for you to have your personal interpretations and theorize and make art and write fic. my point here is that i started having a lot more fun with watcher once i stopped treating it as downpour 2 electric boogaloo and more like an offshoot of vanilla where you're meant to really dive into the different locations and let yourself get lost in them as you figure out how things connect.

as much as i liked it, it needs to be said that watcher lacks a lot of polish. i imagine this is going to come in future updates but it does feel like it's been released in a partially incomplete state, at least when it comes to balance and general QOL stuff. as much as i enjoyed just wandering and exploring i Did want to eventually progress and see what was up with the echo and what all this had to do with the beginning cutscene. and i ended up looking up some of the echo locations and then getting the workshop mod that highlights regions that still have the echo in them cause i did want at least a little nudge in the right direction. i'd rather not publicly speculate on whatever's going on behind the scenes with videocult and akupara so i don't wanna necessarily accuse anybody of rushing watcher out for a release date, but i do think it would've benefited from extra time in the oven and more time with playtesting to really iron things out. also this is unrelated but i do kind of think there is a weird amount of dead ends in some of these regions? not something that majorly bothered me but i Did notice it. i'm excited to see what comes in the future updates though beyond these fixes

random other thoughts:

the music bangs especially verdant waterways' threat theme, it makes me think of the whoa zone from super paper mario? can't exactly place my paw on why though, maybe i just have that association because of the region's color scheme. i need to make time soon to listen to the full soundtrack cause there's a lot of banger tracks i heard that i don't know the names of

i love love love the new creatures, all i've ever wanted from new rain world content is new creatures (beyond just lizard variants) and they seriously delivered. I LOVE THE WHALES!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THE MOTHS EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE PLOTTING ON MY DOWNFALL. the crabs can go fuck themselves though

at some point i ended up in the rot infested version of industrial that i forgot the specific name of totally by accident and it was crazy when i realized what it was. infected crossroads moment

also i just need to say that going through ancient urban and actually SEEING the precursors WALKING AROUND was genuinely nuts. fantastic buildup from seeing the shadows passing above you when you're in the sewer to seeing them Right Outside The Window. just an incredible sequence all around

that's all for now. not sure how coherent this is. watcher is a solid 8/10

#basil speaks #rw watcher spoilers #game tag

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aceship-sconesterprise · 22 days ago

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June of Doom 2025 Day 13; @juneofdoom

13. “On three.”

| Sprain | Amputation | Electrocution |

A/N: Prequel to Day 30 of Whumptober 2021

Down in the engine room, all hell was breaking loose. All the engineers were working as fast and as well as they could to keep the ship stable.

The attack by the unknown enemy ship had hit them unexpectedly. Just at a time when the engine room was short-handed. No one had seen the ship coming. It had appeared out of nowhere in front of the Enterprise and attacked it without warning.

No one knew what the enemy wanted. No one knew why they were doing what they were doing.

But all members of the crew had immediately taken up their positions when the red alarm had gone off.

All of them. Except for one.

The captain hadn't stayed on the bridge for long, but had decided to help in engineering. He was good at technical matters, so why waste his skills trying to negotiate with an enemy who obviously knew no mercy anyway. Jim preferred to let Spock take the lead and lend a hand with the repairs himself.

And his chief engineer was happy for any help he could get. Too many of his ensigns had already been injured and taken to sickbay. It was a nightmare.

"Jim! Jim, I need to get to that machine back there, but the way is blocked! Ye've gotta help me!" Scott shouted over the loud alarm and Kirk gave him a thumbs up, quickly finishing what he was working on and then rushing over to the Scotsman.

A large piece of debris was lying right in front of the machine Scotty was trying to reach. He had already tried to move it on his own, but he just wasn't strong enough.

"On three," the engineer ordered as Jim grabbed the other side of the piece and nodded to him.

"Ready."

"One, two, three!"

Both men puffed heavily with exertion as they lifted the metal and then pulled it aside enough for Scotty to reach the machine behind it.

"Thanks, lad," Scott gasped when they were done and he could finally look at the damage done. Jim stood next to him.

"How can I help?"

The Scottish chief engineer grimaced thoughtfully before shaking his head.

"Not at all, mate. I have to ... get behind the propeller here. The cables over there ..."

Even as he spoke, Scotty was already starting to work. Jim eyed his actions suspiciously. The blades of the propeller looked pretty sharp, even though they were obviously out of order.

"Are you sure this is safe?"

"Don't worry, nothing will happen to our silver lady," Scott murmured, his eyes fixed on the cables.

"I'm less worried about her than I am about you, Scotty," Jim said and the engineer was about to say something in reply when it happened.

The Enterprise was hit hard and the whole ship was shaken. Everything moved – including the propeller in the engine.

Scott didn't make a sound. Not even the faintest whimper left his mouth as one of the blades severed his arm from the rest of his torso and the limb fell down the shaft behind the propeller.

Copious amounts of blood began to shoot from the stump, staining the propeller, Scott's shirt and face, and Kirk's as well.

The captain stared in disbelief at the spot where Scotty's arm had been before. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. A feeling of nausea overcame him.

Scotty slowly turned his head and looked at him. He blinked in confusion. His face was pale; he was in shock.

"I ... I think Dr. McCoy should take a look at this," he said before he suddenly collapsed. Jim caught him and before he could fully comprehend what had just happened, he had already scooped the Scotsman up in his arms and was running through the engine room.

"Get out of the way! We have to get to sickbay!"

As quickly as he could, the captain took his friend to the completely overcrowded sickbay. He did his best to ignore the pool of blood they left on the floor. He didn't want to admit to himself what was happening.

As he left sickbay, hot tears running down his cheeks, Kirk was filled with rage and grief and hatred.

Bones' look had made him realize the truth. Jim had spoken to Scotty for the last time, because the engineer would not survive the severe injury.

However, the captain would make sure of one thing. Scotty's death would be avenged. Those bastards would pay for this attack.

#juneofdoom #june of doom 2025 #day 13 #whump #whump challenge #on three #amputation #star trek #fanfiction #james t kirk #montgomery scott #major character injury #blood and gore #major character death #graphic depictions of violence #swearing #mega_whumps_characters

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themirokai · 1 year ago

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I started watching Person of Interest in 2021 and watched the final episode last week. (There was an 8 month hiatus in there after Jim Caviezel went mask-off conspiracy theorist asshole when I couldn’t stand looking at him, but I got over it and returned to watching the show.)

I’m grateful for this show. I made fandom friends, wrote some not-terrible fic, read lots of phenomenal fic, and did a series of episode reaction posts (check out ‘#miro does poi’) that were fun to write and are fun to revisit when they occasionally get notes.

Ive seen a lot of negativity in the fandom towards the last two seasons, especially season 5, and I absolutely get it. The thing that I fell in love with about the show was the chemistry and connection between Harold and John and how that connection evolved over time and in relation to the other main characters and the numbers. I loved the “case of the week” format.

In season 4 when the show started to get more wrapped up in the war between Samaritan and the Machine, I lost some interest. When that storyline consumed the entire show in season 5, I will readily acknowledge that the story was well done, and compelling, but it felt like a lot of other Fate of the World At Stake “Prestige Television” without the heart and the character chemistry that made me love the show in the first place.

I’m sure the team behind the show didn’t want to keep making the same show forever, and they clearly had big ideas that they wanted to explore (some of which they picked up again in Westworld). I’m curious if they could have kept more of the character focus if they had had 23 episodes instead of 13 in season 5, so they had more time to put all the pieces in place for the big super AI fight.

I think my main takeaway from finishing Person of Interest is that I want to go back and watch seasons 1 and 2 again. Maybe season 3 as well. And then stop there.

#miro does poi #if you’ve ever engaged with any of my content in that tag #thank you!#person of interest #irrelevants

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justinspoliticalcorner · 11 months ago

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Lil Kalish at HuffPost:

When Heather Crawford walked into a Minnesota public school to enroll her teenager in August 2022, she was ready for a fight. More than anything, she wanted her then-15-year-old, Cass, who is nonbinary and trans, to be safe at school, to have their name and pronouns respected, and to be able to use the restroom without fear. The school registrar told Crawford not to worry and handed her a form where she could note Cass’ pronouns for the school’s records. “I was ready for a fistfight, and it was just as simple as a piece of paper,” Crawford said, recalling that she felt such a wave of relief that she broke down crying in the office. “It’s so fantastic knowing that the state is not only not actively trying to harm my child but is actively trying to protect them,” she added. “It’s comforting on a level I can’t really fully articulate.” The Crawfords had uprooted their entire lives to move from Austin, Texas, to St. Paul, Minnesota, after years of watching Texas Republicans enact increasingly hostile policies targeting trans kids. They worried their family might be next.

The final straw for Crawford came in February 2022, when Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R) directed Texas’ child protective services to perform “child abuse” investigations against parents who helped their children get gender-affirming care. Until then, Cass and their parents had been working with a pediatric gender care doctor in Austin who prescribed medication to suppress Cass’ menstrual cycle. Cass, who uses both they and he pronouns, dreamed about getting top surgery. They also wanted to start testosterone but had to wait to make sure they weren’t at risk for a genetic cancer that was triggered by changes in hormones. Crawford was frightened that her support of this care could put Cass and their family at risk from Texas officials. She set her eyes on Minnesota in part because of dozens of progressive and trans-inclusive policies championed by Gov. Tim Walz (D), who took the national stage last week when Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris announced him as her running mate.

Crawford’s friends had gushed to her about Walz, a former teacher and veteran with a track record of supporting LGBTQ+ rights dating back to at least 1999 when he became the first faculty adviser for a high school’s gay-straight alliance. Minnesota had long been praised as one of the most LGBTQ-friendly places in the Midwest. In 1993, it became the first state in the country to outlaw discrimination based on sexual orientation. In 2021, as anti-LGBTQ+ legislation reached a record high in state legislatures across the country, Walz, who was finishing up his first term as governor, signed an executive order banning conversion therapy. “Our kids deserve to grow up in a state that values them for who they are — not one that tries to change them,” he said in a statement at the time.

Last year, Walz helped enact further protections for transgender youth who were traveling to Minnesota for their health care. He signed an executive order to protect access to gender-affirming care for out-of-state patients, their families and medical providers. Walz also signed a trio of bills that further safeguarded access to abortion, banned conversion therapy and made Minnesota into a “trans refuge.” The state currently boasts the largest number of openly LGBTQ+ legislators in state history, and they make up the “queer caucus” that advocated heavily for policies that Walz later signed. Crawford, who is now a vocal advocate for trans youth, admits she hasn’t always been supportive. When Cass first came out in 2019, she reacted “as badly as you can.” But after Cass attempted suicide that year, she saw how wrong she was and worked to help Cass socially transition, legally change their name and receive bathroom accommodations at school.

This HuffPost article on how Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz (D) turned his state into a bulwark of trans safe refuge in the Midwest hits the jackpot, including a story on a Texas couple moving to the Land of 10,000 Lakes to protect the safety of their trans child.

#Tim Walz #Minnesota #Transgender #LGBTQ+#Texas #Gender Inclusive Schools #Student Inclusion #Gender Affirming Healthcare #Transgender Safe Refuge #Texas DFPS Transgender Youth Memo #Transgender Children #Transgender Youth #Shield Laws

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itslouisan · 1 year ago

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Philza specific Headcannons: Philza Minecraft timeline.

Heyo Tumblr, back with my third post on C!Phil, this time I'll elaborate on my takes on some of my timelines for Philza since it's complex and full of detail I could analysis, MAYBE I'll separate this all in 2 posts: pre-DSMP and AFTER-DSMP, well let's go!

timeline for c!philza:

(nothing official, this is MY interpretation on his events and lore connecting and stitching everything together)

The beginning:

Okay this starts with the icarus animatic made OFFICIALLY for his lore by Maepletea

In this we can agree Philza was originally a human, however, in my interpretation, Phil always had a connection to crows, living in an isolated shack (which makes me believe he was always a isolated and introverted person wanting to stay away from any trouble and people), his obsession for flying, possibly in my view seeing he understood the crows just like they got him. Worth noting in the end of the animatic he was saved by Mumza and implied perhaps SHE granted his wings and avian side and supposed immortality, so you can say from HERE Phil is the one avian old man we know and love, before being just a plain human with nothing special or perhaps affinity with paranormal, crows, death and deities. Being alone but FEELING/SEEING something else and knowing the existence of something more such as The End (which would explain why Enderking has a liking to him, he is more than any other avian or human, he can see, understand and be in a equal foot with the deities having their favor).

Hardcore season 2:

Okay, let's start with season 2 since I think season 1 has no lore or hints we could use to this analysis, in season 2 we are introduced to the deities, but the most important is Rose and Enderking since they will be REALLY important to future events.

In here Phil is ALREADY an avian, we can see he can ALREADY interact with the deities and probably is already recognized as The Angel of Death, meaning in here in the middle of the season perhaps he got together with Kristin as a representant/warrior for her or Soul reaper, I think they'd only be together in season 4 (due to irl events where if I'm certain Phil married Kristin in 2020/2021, since it's CREEPY to assume when they started dating let's say mid season 2 they start to date AS CHARACTERS)

And before we finish for season 2 for now, we should mention Ender King was already attacking the overworld and nether in season 2, perhaps here being when Philza first made contact with him ON A NEGATIVE WAY, the end of season 2 I interpret death as Phil SMALL PIECE of his Soul being killed but Kristin helps him again to stay alive with immortality, but before that he stayed in a species of dream before recover which is

Season 3: the dream

The beach episode of Philza Minecraft, just a dream in transition from season 2 to 4

Season 4: the current moment

Okay I'll talk about EarthSMP and Origins in another post, what I need to focus is on QSMP and DSMP for this part

In here, the conflict between the deities rose, Enderking finally making a war against all others, resulting in Endlantis, we have flowerfall as well in a conflict between Ocean overlordand Enderking and the Nethervoid in conflict between Blaze empress and Enderking, what does Phil have to do with it? In one way or another, Phil sided and made allies with the deities, which would save his life later on, but also, this could be the moment the Enderking noticed how STRONG Phil can truly be and how he could make a good vessel because Phil even if slightly is a greedy person.

In here we also have Philza marriage to Mumza, and we could say it was in here that he adopted Techno, C!Wilbur and Tommy, next is a bit of a personal interpretation and hc, but Phil adopted Techno in the beginning of season 4 in the nether preparing for going to the end, C!Wilbur is the biological child between him and Mumza (proven with DSMP) and Tommy was adopted pre-pogtopia on the DSMP.

This shows the beginning of the SBI truly but also conforming:

• Techno is the oldest kid and probably the one most loyal to Phil due to seeing all Phil's struggles plus a "favorite"' due to Techno loyalty and never letting Phil down and vice-versa

• Wilbur is the middle kid, which only had a stronger bond with Tommy, wasn't THAT loyal to Phil but still got his approval and protection

• Tommy is just the youngest and lost kid, Phil probably loving him just as much, but not accepting Tommy actions towards them, especially Techno, and for being young and naive, Phil wouldn't hold back to correct Tommy, no matter how Tommy interpreted it.

We can also finish this section by saying in all this, this was the moment Philza perfected his war skills he'd use later on in his life, all thanks to seasons 2 and 4

Also worth noting QSMP is a Philza dream, but Q!Phil, C!Phil and Hardcore!Phil are all the same people, you could say only QSMP is a dream and DSMP was real, but that would mess stuff too much, for this analysis and finishing this post for now, let's divide this into 2 timelines, the REAL world timeline and the Dream world/alternative Philza timelines which could be real but only in a different universe, which leaves us with this order:

Real world: hardcore --> EarthSMP --> DSMP

Dream world/alternative universes: real world timeline then we mix and it --> OriginsSMP --> QSMP

Or, we could separate origins as something else entirely and make:

Dsmp --> QSMP

But FOR NOW, this is part 1 of my Philza timeline... WHICH IS A MESS BUT OH WELL

#Spotify #silly #headcannons #mcyt #qsmp headcanons #dsmp #emerald duo #philza #c!phil #q!philza #q!phil #mumza #hardcore philza #qsmp #character analysis #character timeline #actually mentally ill #ramblings

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sformula · 2 months ago

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The Anatomy of Naoki Yamamoto's Super Formula Career

I wanted to do a full piece on his entire motorsport career but the sgt lore was too expansive and so I've put it aside for now. some brief mentions here and there (double championship, 23 accident) but nothing substantial. For all those that came for the jenson mention my apologies that'll be another day

super duper longpost below the cut. beware. also some inconsistencies btwn calling him "Naoki" and "Yamamoto". they are the same guy.

36-year old, 3-time super formula champion Naoki Yamamoto's final bow in single seaters came about as the 2024 super formula season drew its curtains. I wanted to learn more about his career, since I had only been around for the tears of goodbye and sparkling water* to wash it all away. Who were they celebrating? What kind of career was I witnessing come to a close? Thus, I wrote myself a little summary of his super formula career in a narrative fashion. This does not extend too far into his super gt career, though, i do hope to write something on that someday since it’s just as curious of a case (and honestly should not be discussed separately, but I’ve worked on this one for too long not to let it go by now. oops)

*one of my favorite little factoids about him is that they used sparkling water instead of the usual sparkling sake to celebrate naoki’s departure since naoki has sensitive skin. This is so cute to me.

Nakajima Racing: prologue (2010)

In 2010, he made his entry to the then-Formula Nippon with Nakajima racing, replacing 2009 champion Loic Duval, who had moved to Dandelion.

A consistent rookie, Yamamoto finished in the top 7 (the points scoring position then) 7 times out of the 8 races that season, and won the rookie of the year award. When he returned to the team eleven years and three championships later, in 2021, he had already decided within himself. “When I asked Honda to move back to Nakajima Racing [in 2021], I knew I want to end my career there. He [Nakajima] gave me my start in Super Formula [ . . . ].” Nakajima was also the deciding factor on when it would end.

Team Mugen: like planting seeds in a garden you never get to see (2011 ~ 2018)

In 2011, Yamamoto was then moved to Mugen, as Daisuke Nakajima, son of the team’s owner, joined the team. Mugen, newly established just the year prior, was miles from its current state as Honda’s strongest team: and only had one car at the start. It was a hard decision for Honda to even keep the fresh-faced Yamamoto, only having 6 seats that season, but they knew from his consistent results in his rookie year it was a decision they had to make.

It quickly paid off with an immediate pole position–his first of 13 he’d get in his career– in his first race with the team. > Nagataka Tezuka, who was Mugen's team director at the time, recalls of the occasion: “He was in complete shock. Frozen. We tried talking to him to give him some advice, but he wouldn't react at all. I fondly remember this moment, because you could really see the pressure he was feeling.”

While he didn’t finish that race after being involved in a first-lap incident, it still confirmed to Honda, at least, that their tough decision was not in vain.

2012 was a season of growth for he and the Mugen team. Their luck came around in 2013.

Yamamoto was a championship contender going into the final weekend, up against Andre Lotterer, who had a lead of 13 points against Yamamoto.

This season was an important one for Yamamoto, as on him weighed the hopes of Honda, as a whole. For three years in a row, Toyota had proven dominant in securing the Championship. The next best Honda that year was Takuya Izawa, in seventh.

It was in this final two races where he showed tremendous growth. It was here where he got his maiden win at the first of the final two races in Suzuka, then P3 in the second race.

The season ended in a points tie with Andre Lotterer, a fateful 37 for the both of them. The championship tiebreaker back then, however, ruled that the one who scored the most points in the final round would win the championship. As a result, the win and podium of the Suzuka double header was enough to crown him the 2013 champion over Lotterer, who had missed these rounds to his commitment with Audi in the FIA World Endurance Championship. “I think this was a turning point for him,” says Tezuka. “The concentration for his craft really grew there. You could see how much he was pushing, how well he handled the situation and how he realized that he's now representing Honda. It was such a wonderful moment. He cried a lot.”

Even in 2024, in his final press conference, he cites this year as the one that changed his life. It was noticeable from those around him, as well, visibly training harder, focusing better. He had a responsibility: Honda’s name was now one they bestowed upon him with pride.

Tezuka cites Yamamoto to be one of the key reasons for their growth as a team. “I personally felt responsible that we couldn't give him more championships. There were many opportunities for him to win, but our team was still young and we did a few mistakes. We had to grow with him. For this, he pushed us hard. The fact that we are where we are today is all thanks to him.”

2014 saw the introduction of the new chassis, Dallara SF14, and in the time from 2014 to 2017, he scored 5 pole positions, 4 podiums, and 2 wins (both at Suzuka).

And thus, with steady growth and exciting championship battles: His time finally came about again, in 2018, beating out future 2019 champion Nick Cassidy to the title. That same year, partnering Jenson Button, he brought home the first Super GT title for team Kunimitsu. Yamamoto became the first driver to win the double crown in the same year in fourteen years, with the last to do that being Richard Lyons in 2004.

By now, he had 5 wins to his name, of which four came in Suzuka, earning him the nickname “Mr Suzuka”. He wanted to prove he was capable of performing elsewhere, too.

That year, he got in contact with Kiyoshi Muraoka of Team Dandelion.

Team Dandelion: one goal (2019, 2020)

Unlike the harmonic nature of his time in Mugen, growing as a new driver with the new team, his experience in Dandelion was a bit tumultuous. Dandelion was founded in 1989 by Muraoka as “Dandelion Racing Project”, and he had his own views, often differing from Yamamoto’s. Their goal was the same, though– to win– but how they got there often led to disagreements.

While 2019 was a tough season for Yamamoto, losing out a close fight for the title against Nick Cassidy by 3 points, it was still a fruitful one. He was able to show his versatility in tracks outside of Suzuka, winning in SUGO (and breaking the track record) and earning a podium in Autopolis.

2020, impacted by the pandemic and the first two rounds devastating for Yamamoto’s confidence (finishing 13th and 6th, losing him a lot of points), his chances seemed bleak. He’d go on to get 3rd in the 3rd round, 2nd in the 4th, and win in the 5th round, Suzuka, again, culminating in his third and final championship that year.

Nakajima Racing, once more: epilogue, 2021 ~ 2024

In 2023, Round 6 of the Super GT Series at Sportsland SUGO saw a sudden red flag after Yamamoto hit the barriers. Minutes passed before his radio response was confirmed, and while initially he was cleared of any injury, late medical checks found him diagnosed with an atlantoaxial subluxation, a misalignment of the first and second vertebrae, and a damaged spinal cord.

Following surgery, he was hospitalized for two months, was back on the track in another two, and found himself back in super formula after another two, in time for the 2024 season.

It was a miracle recovery.

He found himself on the podium the very round he returned.

A few months later, at the October round in Fuji, though, contact with Sena Sakaguchi’s Inging caused Yamamoto to go slightly airborne– and while he was alright, Nakajima was concerned.

Nakajima informed him that his contract would not be extended beyond 2024, a choice brought about not from performance issues but concerns regarding Yamamoto’s health. (Though, Yamamoto himself cites performance issues to be a part of his personal reason as to why he decided to step down: His last win came about in 2022, and despite consistent results, he wasn’t able to fully deliver what he had come to do.)

A few days before the season finale at Suzuka, he announced his retirement from the series.

–

Mr Suzuka — self-fulfilling prophecies, from start to end

Sometimes it does pain me a bit to jokingly call someone else Mr. Suzuka– recently I did that for one Kakunoshin Ohta, who won 3 rounds of Suzuka back-to-back-to-back between the ‘24 and ‘25 season. But this title came for a reason, as, despite debuting in 2010, he had only won in a race outside of Suzuka eight years later: In 2018, at SUGO, in his final year with Mugen. After, he would find himself victorious in SUGO again the next year, his first with Dandelion.

He was the first japanese driver to do an outing / FP1 with an F1 team in years, at none other than Suzuka. I don’t think there’s much more to be said.

Being conveniently chronically online in the time of his retirement, I saw many reactions and lots of information on him as a driver– but the one that stood out to me the most was the omnipresent comments of relief and satisfaction that his final race was at Suzuka. I never fully realized the weight of this sentiment. But it was here he felt confined to forever reign, and it was similarly here where he celebrated his last. Time is often a neatly drawn circle.

–

Tomoki Nojiri, Tadasuke Makino, and Naoki Yamamoto : 16, 5, 64. All names, that, as funny as it seems, cannot be discussed without the other.

Across over seven years (with one exception from Tadasuke’s rookie year in the 65), these three have played musical chairs over the same 3 seats: the number 64 nakajima, the number 16 mugen, and the number 5 dandelion.

3 drivers, 3 cars, 3 strings of fate braided together. and also my informal complaint about the car graphics on the site past 2018. the pngs were so cunt what happened

2 of these 3 cars have championship experience: The number 16 and the number 5. But the number 64, under the wing of former F1 pilot Satoru Nakajima, was where Naoki chose to return to. That, at the end of the day, was home.

The day of his retirement, he said to Tadasuke Makino: "I leave the rest to you."

Nirei Fukuzumi

Fukuzumi had been teammates with Yamamoto three times: in 2018, with Mugen, and from 2019-2020 in Dandelion. He has, as a result, witnessed him win the championship by his side twice. He has mentioned in the past that Yamamoto provided lots of advice and would answer any questions he asked, helping him grow not just in racing but also in casual duties like fan interactions. I personally just find it crazy that Nirei always seems to partner some of the most excellent drivers and also find himself adored by his team, no matter which one he’s in. Like, he’s partnered Naoki through two of his championships, ran strong seasons in said frontrunning teams, nursed decent results in drago corse/threebond, and then was contracted to Toyota to drive alongside KAMUI KOBAYASHI of all people. To find himself adored and delivering what seems like the absolute limit of the car? I really do love the guy…

Sorry back to naoki. actually to ren

Ren Sato

The crown weighs heavy. Inheriting Yamamoto’s seat, within sf drivers, was always seen as a event of great honor, and Ren is no exception.

Kind of an Anti-Nirei of sorts, he was the reason Naoki was taken out of championship contention in Super GT in 2021. Fans were extremely upset about this, both of them were really upset about this (in their different fashions, as two people do when one's stabbed and the other unknowingly held the knife). In 2023, they were announced Super Formula teammates. The team, according to them, had handled both of them with great care, and first press interactions were too, but both drivers dispelled any concerns by laughing at the whole situation together. I adore these two.

and now time for some links! Some articles I recommend, either used as sources, inspiration, or just because I would like you to read more if he intrigues you !!

^ from 2019, when there was a sliver of a chance of having the guy run in F1,

This is for my like, two people on here that are paid subscribers to jamie klein’s substack. This one was one of the main inspirations for me writing this, and was referenced heavily early on in the process. It’s of course written far better than mine, so, if you do have a subscription or plan on getting one, this is a wonderful read.

Okay so I’m an avid planetf1 hater but this is just really sweet, it’s just a few excerpts on what Daniil and Pierre thought of Naoki when he ran in FP1 in 2019. Worth your 2 minutes.

Lore on the nickname “buchou” that i was so confused about when I first got into sf. I thought it was an endearing term about how he’s some sort of leader and honda pioneer, but NO they were saying he looked funny. This blogpost is from 2016, and is overall just super interesting because the author focuses not on his career– in fact, they’re only writing this because they have interest in his wife, a TV tokyo announcer / broadcaster, and want to talk about who this newly announced husband guy is– which, has got to be one of the best POVs to write about a racing driver on. They focus on his beloved car, his fave sunglasses, and the origin of the silly nickname. Great for lore cross reference, because this is all random information you could never read a formal article on. SPEAKING OF WHICH in the process of writing this post i’ve come to find you can no longer access his blog..

ok i KINDA see it but also i don't see it. maybe love is blind http://naoki-yamamoto.com/

Here’s his homepage btw! Main links as well as some other cool random information. Did you know he’s 164cm tall? I thought it was cute he ran the #64 for so long lmao that’s his height… :] (coincidence, i know)

He’s one of few drivers i know who aren’t super duper social media savvy. He probably posts more on his facebook than anywhere else, which would have been REALLY nice to know when i was archiving stuff on him before. LMAO https://www.facebook.com/NaokiYamamoto.NY70

There’s some photos you can only find here, it goes back to 2015. Periodically you’ll see posts from his blog (that he called his diary), hundreds maybe thousands of posts from that era from reflections on races all the way to his wedding. I understand and respect why he’s made them private, now– I didn’t think they were so personal. It’s kind of cool to know they existed at a point, though.

https://www.instagram.com/naokiyamamoto70/

And here’s his instagram, which jenson button DEFINITELY did not tell him to make. Nope. you will not find excessive jensonposting in early naoki instagram days, no, what do you mean? Haha . Haha . Haha

Also something that lives in my brain rent free is a video by Daniel Roose on YouTube, called “Why Naoki Yamamoto should be in Formula One.”, published in early 2021– and what was most impactful about that video to me was the thumbnail. On it, a photo of Naoki’s face, and in the background: “the best racing driver you’ve never heard of… naoki yamamoto”.

I sometimes refer to him as such in my mind, and, was in retrospect, probably one of the biggest inspirations to writing this. You’ve seen him in Jenson Button’s instagram posts. You’ve seen him, maybe, in a distant memory, run that FP1. And maybe you’ve seen him cry into Takuma Sato’s arms after Naoki’s final race. No matter what, I think his career is worthy of reflection and is a good reference point for a lot of discussions on super formula as a whole (being one of the only honda drivers i know with an FIA platinum license and such.. Many such interesting cases), even when talking about the past and into the future.

#naoki yamamoto #hzw.txt #super formula

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