#I spent like what. 5 hours? writing and i dont have much to show for it; the fic thingy turned out rly short and very bad

[feliville]

why is it SOOOOO difficult to write SOBS

[termagax]

i hesitate to reblog my comic pages a whole bunch of times because i have a lot of personal gripes and things i dont think look very good or i wouldve done differently or reworked if i hadnt been so fed up with it ESP. the dialogue im so bad at dialogue and i worry that reblogging it a bunch is gonna let other people notice that especially so long after ive made it. but also there are a few panels tjat ARE so so so cute

these first ones especially look good and i KNOW thats because the entire comic was just to give justification to THIS SHOT i LOVE this shot i was havign DREAMS avout this shot i have 5 different abandoned attempts to write it out in a fic i spent days thinking of nothing except how badly i wanted to cut his hair and run my hands over it and kiss him on his stupid head and i think it REALLY shows. esp the angle of his head when its turned away from the camera like that looks SOOOO good to me.

this bits fine i think it couldve been laid out better and i wish i was good at lettering but the drawings themselves are fine. i DONT think i figured out how to draw this hairstyle like i dont think it comes across well unless you already know what hes supposed to look like. but its fineeee i like how square i made his head and i like the ideaaaa of making fun of him for being old so i think the interaction is cute enough to justify the jank

THIS PANEL ALSO. JUST SO CUTEEEEEEE theres a lot of jank w proportions and shape but again the interaction is everything to me i like the idea that he isnt really comfortable being looked at like that? like in my head hes not an insecure guy and clearly hes very very confident in himself and his appearance but i just dont think hes comfortable being. treated affectionately in that way ? if that makes sense? i know some people disagree with this but i just dont think he really dates or even really does hookups so i think hes just easy to fluster. hes a confident guy but the attention he gets is usually more people being scared or finding him weird or offputting or gross. scary dog. so i just like the idea that he gets embarrassed when they look at him or call him pretty. and also i like when he shrugs it off by being a dickhead.

i wish i liked the panels on the second page more but it was a huge struggle to figure out and id been working on it for like 8 hours and i was so annoyed and none of the panels were turning out and i couldnt come up with anything better than the PLACEHOLDER DIALOGUE. and the panelling is ROUGHHH like the layout is just not good and i dont think it communicates what i wanted to.

but THIS panel is so cute to me I LOVE THEMMMMMM my friends my best friends. you can actually see on the hand here and a few other shots on this page i was STRUGGLING w my lines and was trying out a different technique that my best friend nini suggested where you block in a sillouhette and then erase out the middle chunk. and it looks really cool i like the look of it but i think you can clearly tell which things are done that way and which ones arent so its a bit jarring. but i DO wanna use that more because it looks good it just kind of conflicts with my normal process so i have to find a Project. it doesnt work well w an undersketch so i tend to use it when a pose just is NOT coming together or when i can really see it in my mind and just cant get the structures to work out.

this shot is ALSO REALLY CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEE I LOVE HIS FACE. this comic was fun because i usually use his long hair to cover his face (because i think its cute and cheeky to not show his face as much as possible and esp. when hes younger i just like the idea that he sort of hides it even before he had the mask.) so i dont have to worry about his expressions as much so it was FUN to get to draw his whole face. but also it changes the balance of what details i have room for? idk if you guys have noticed but i try to keep my shapes really distinct and my art not too busy so there are pieces where i will fully leave out details i think are there especially his facial piercings (youll notice he doesnt have them in this comic) and sometimes even his scar if the piece is too busy in the head/torso region. and a lot of times between his bangs and the way i do his facial hair i just end up leaving the scar out or leaving it as light implication. but it is always there. so because his hair is out of his face i got to consistently include it (though not every panel - see the one i talked about earlier? i leave it out there because i think itd make the blush lines not read as well and i was trying to stick to black and white.) and that was interesting to proportion. BUT ANYWAYS. this panel is so cute i think everything came out really well and i kind of nailed the style i was going for with it like the tooneyness is just totally there. i struggle sometimes with figuring out the right way to do his jawline and i think this one just clicked so nicely and its exacltly what i wanted it to look like.

although if youll permit me to ramble EVEN LONGER i worry sometimes that going so cartoony means he doesnt look "like roadhog" like ovw has such a semirealist style which i hardcore struggle with sometimes (and u can tell in this comic when i do try for that it doesnt looook as good) and i worry that im abstracting the realness out of him and not communicating it as well as some of the artists i really look up to who are SUPER good at striking that balance btwn cartoony exaggeration and expression and realistic weight and proportion (im not gonna namedrop but youve certainly seen me gush about their stuff before). it wouldnt bother me so much if he had like a canonical face like i dont sweat it with rat everyone knows what rat looks like but this is a guy i made up in my mind so i REALLY WANT to be able to communicate what i think he looks like so i get nervous doing these abstractions. but ultimately i think those abstractions are the better half of my work they just look better and i basically only draw for me anyways so leaving details implied works fine for me (ie: when i see his face in my head i think he has a lot more signs of age. but i leave them out because it would clutter the place too much)

anyways sorry for the impromptu directors commentary i just think SO MUCH abt my art and every decision i make has like 900 years of thought behind it and i like to talk. thanks if you read this far i love you 🫶

[vikersund]

Hi! I hope this post won't flop </3

first of all I wanted to finally reveal myself on this platform - many of you know me as Himbeertee_ on tiktok and twitter, Hello! Yes, I'm also here :P

I felt like last few days were like a fever dream - so I decided to write a summary/recap of my journey to Stozice.

It was not my first Joker Out show, last month I was in Żalec and both times I traveled by train and bus, so if anyone wonders how to get to Slovenia from Poland - the cheapest way is by Flixbus, but the fastest is by plane. I spent 5 hours in train and 11 hours in bus and it was only one way ride.

Me and my friend arrived at the arena around 4pm and we were 24/25 in the queue and we ended up at barricade in front of Kris, thanks to long catwalk and very long barricade. (I wanted to be at Kris' side, because duuuh i'm a Kris girlie).

If it comes to new merch - there were new winter beanies, new shirts, hoodies, socks, UM and Demoni CD's, condoms, new notebook (juhuhu hahaha), new tote bags and if you ask me... well.. those shirts didn't look good at least for me, but the rest of it was fine. I bought baby boos socks, because (to the unpopular opinion) I love the name xD

If it comes to the show alone, I will try to describe few songs. As you might have seen on twitter I managed to get the setlist (which was leaked at least day before - and unfortunately i saw some of it so I didnt experience the surprise).

The live-from-backstage intro was so cool, like I had chills, the screen was turning from the backstage to black screen or to joker out sign with the music that made your heart beat to it, it definitely built an atmosphere, we saw Jo getting ready to rock the stage, Kris leading the 5 of them to the stage from backstage, then they finally came from behind drums, which was such a cool entrance!

First song was Sunny Side of London - and now I understand that they picked it as an opener because of the "welcome" at the beginning, but when I first heard it i was kinda sceptical why is this the first song. People from the brass band joined them for the iconic balcan solo (dare I say - Kris outwhored himself during the solo).

Then we screamed for the record and we beat it, but honestly I think that the result should be higher, but because it was such an open space, the device didnt gather the sound as good as in smaller venues.

Then gola and bele sanje - honestly don't remember much of it because I was enjoying myself, maybe a little too much, but the guitar transition from bele sanje to plastika was sooooo good.

Plastika oh plastika! This song is made for concerts, everyone were screaming their lungs off and Bojan was everywhere, including the cat walk.

Proti toku - what can I say other than justice for Proti Toku! Like i dont understand why they abandoned this song at the shows...

As you already know I was at Kris' side and I had the best view on him, let me tell you. This man didn't hold back during dopamin, his moves were electric and there should be another twitter account "Kris shuffles to:"

Padam - Bojan sang the song laying on the catwalk for the entire length of the song and for a moment I was so confused where he went, because I didn't see him at first.

Then after Padam we had a small break, that included screenings of pre-eurovision clips from their vlogs and during that everyone was lying on the stage (not sure about Jure tho).

Then demoni happened and the Iconic scream was... well... demonic xD Bojan ended up almost on all fours in front of 12k audience. You're welcome or something.

Katrina - is another song which was made to being played on stage. I loved the red and white lights especially, bojan was very slutty and we were introduced to releasing fumes from the pyro stuff (not real pyro or fire on their show in Stozice).

ASTP - AMAZING intro played by a dude with trumpet, I had chills, Bojan was sitting on his knees on the stage, listening to it. I'll try to upload it to tiktok later! It is one of my fav songs. Great vocals from Bojan and Kris, the second one was very slutty af during the song (who is surprised at this point?). No Janace ending, Jan ended the song playing at the end of catwalk, nice moment between Nace and Bojan.

Omamljeno Telo - well this is the only JO song that I am not that much a fan of, but they definitely delivered their perfomance, especially when everyone went to the catwalk. We had Kris/Nace moment during the song.

Kot Srce Ki Kri Poganja - will you banish me If I tell you that I have never heard any of their unreleased songs?

Anyway I LOVED THIS SONG, can they release it on new album please? I already knew that Martin will join them because I saw pics from backstage before the show, but I was surprised to see Matic there. This songs slaps and I fell in love with the vibe martin gave while playing the bass. I couldnt stop staring at him, he was magnetic and so happy to play with others. I might cry a little when Nace gave him his bass. I loved how everyone was hugging each other before and after the song. Such a heartwarming moment, even if Martin doesnt play anymore, you could definitely see that he is still part of the family <3

Metulji - amazing perfomance, again they delivered, love the song, also amazing Jan solo at the end of the song, kinda improvised i think? At least I have never heard those sounds before.

Vse Kar Vem - well, you know who I was focused on xD I guess I have a new Vse Kar Vem iconic video for you xD

NGVOT - before the song I was wondering if they will do Tavastia 2.0 with ngvot and the scream i I let out when I saw that Bojan was far from the mic, far enough to be late to start singing the song if he had to, and then I turned to look at Kris and I already knew. This is all I've been asking for. I'm so glad that Kris is more comfortable to sing the first verse, his voice was more relaxed, less shaky than in Tavastia, I loved the way he sang "ti pa barvo las" the way Bojan does. But I still think he has to work a little bit on his voice, because I know he CAN sing (from other videos). I wonder if they will leave this song as a duet for other shows in the future or If it was like one-time thing.

Vem Da Gres - all I remember was Nace on our side and how handsome he looked. I'm not a Nace girlie, but I can definitely see why others are, and his new hair and the outfit... asdfgrew

Ne Bi Smel - this time Jan joined our side and he had a nice moment with Bojan

Ona - Another time when men from brass band joined and it was the song which had changed arrangement. I loved it. the whole vibe of the song stayed the same, but the brass instruments elevated it. (If i think about any fuck ups during the show - it happened here - the mic of the Saxophone guy didnt work at first, I've heard him from the front row, but idk if people in the back have heard him). During this song they also showed me and my friend on the screen and i cant stop thinking about how the hell it happened xD Now i am immortal in joker out stozice lore xD

Tokio - honestly don't remember what was happening - probably I was just screaming and singing.

Umazane Misli - i loved it. I LOVED IT. The way Bojan was demanding the audience who and when should they sing, and then he came down to us and let 2 people sing, and he received the THREE KAKSI ANANAS LONKERO shirt and he loved it so much, he was so smiley and took this shirt with him on the stage.

Novi val - I almost cried. This is my fav song, and thanks to Joker Out Subs and Spela the project came true, the coloful lights flashed beautifully above boy's heads. We and them were touched and it was such a special moment. At the beginning of Novi Val Jure came to our side and we could see his outfit from the closer proximity, and dare I say it was second best after Kris'.

Last but not least - Carpe Diem. After novi val they left the stage, but everyone knew it wasnt over. The break was too long and It just clicked in my head that what if they are changing into their Eurovision clothes. AND THEY DID. I just predicted it seconds before it happened. It was unreal - like i just travelled back in time 5 months.

Overall it was the best night of my life. Everything was perfect. The lights were amazing. The stage was amazing. Clothes - god, the amount of details on each outfit! Personally I think Kris and Jure had the best outfits. I couldnt really see Jan and Nace outfit details, but the looked GOOD. But if I have to complain - not a fan of detachable sleeves on Bojan's shirt.

They all delivered their performances. Not a single mistake - i am so impressed because thats a skill.

We all agree that Kris outdid himself that night. The way he moved, the way he sang, the way he was SO CONFIDENT. Like he was born to be in that exact moment.

I also loved every single interaction between boys, the group ones, or the doubles. Maybe there was no Jan and Nace astp ending but they had few moments. It was so nice to see Jan and Bojan jamming together, Kris and Nace doing their thing, Bojan and Kris' little shenanigans and even Jure and Jan had their moment when Jan ran to him at the beginning of the show.

I also love how they had movie-like credits. Everyone from their crew was credited, every person who worked on the show, team of photographers etc.

Other thing was how nice it was to being supplied with water all the time. The people behind barricade were giving us cups with water all the time, and even at the end of the show we got whole bottles.

Please don't take this post as a proper review - these are just my thoughts of the show <3

[morganas-pendragons]

I want to tell a story about one of the best people I knew. Because he died today.

And he was one of the few people who pushed me to pursue my creative passion.

This is long and personal. Dont by any means feel like you have to read it. I just want it here for myself to come back to.

I moved to Illinois in August of 2016. Not long after, I was informed about a standing tradition in Indiana called The Covered Bridge Festival. I was intrigued. And since my mom was going, 18 year old me decided to tag along.

I remember walking down the main road of this event and finding a giant banner that said, “WALKING DEAD ART” on a barn nearby. I was perplexed. It was an antique show. What on Earth is art from my favorite show doing here?

So I went in and was greeted with the most beautiful art I have ever seen. I still hold to that, to this day. I remember walking into that booth and gazing upon that art: Art drawn by a man much older than me who saw the world in only black and white.

Hence his social media presence: the black and white guy.

I was so lonely at the time I had done this. I had just moved to a new state, had left everything I had ever known, to follow my family to a town I hated. And I was so lonely. So bad off. I just felt very.. lost.

I’ll never forget his response. Once I told him I also was a fan of the show, he asked me about that, and then I proceeded to spend the next three hours explaining my OC that I had written just for the purpose of Carol being able to keep a child.

Three hours. He listened to me talk about this for three hours. By the time my mom was ready to leave, she found me still in the barn, still talking his ear off. And he heard every word. I left that barn the same day with so much art and promises to return the following year.

Eventually I came to his booth so often that he started giving me his art at a huge discount because I was “such a devoted fan” (or something along this line) and it was so nice solely for this reason: despite him being an artist and me being a writer, we pushed each others creative passions. I was constantly asking him for art from different shows we both loved.

The last time I vividly remember seeing him was before he was diagnosed with cancer. My mother told me that he was coming over to the house but wouldn’t say why. I was so confused. I only met the man once a year, and now he’s coming to my parents house? Why?

This man, knowing my love for Carol Peletier, took one of his original art pieces of Melissa McBride and put it in this gorgeous frame. To give to me.

For free. Because he wanted to.

“I know how much you love her.”

At this point, I had spent probably 5-6 years expressing my love for Carol and Melissa every time we met. I only missed the festival once due to being too far away and in college. He’d driven from his little town in Indiana to give me this drawing, which now sits on my wall in my apartment. So do his drawings of Daenerys and Wanda.

I was working this morning when I went home for lunch. I had just prayed for him. He had been battling cancer something fierce, which caused him to miss the art show in October of 2023. His wife was there in his stead.

I haven’t been thrown off guard like I was this morning since 2015, when my choir teacher suddenly died of pancreatic cancer. All I saw was a picture of angel wings on his Instagram, and the words: Robin left.

He was gone. Just like that, just after I had gotten home for lunch. I lost my appetite. I lost my energy. I just… feel so defeated. I haven’t experienced death a lot in my life. Every time I do, it’s with someone like this. Someone who teaches me something so crucial, so beautiful, that end up passing away anyway.

My choir teacher in 2015 was the start of embracing my passion for much.

Robin in 2016 was the start of me properly embracing my passion for writing.

So.. Robin… thank you. I am so grateful for you and so heartbroken that you’re gone.

[weirdcat1213]

Hi....If you don't mind me asking, can I ask, what are your top 7 favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series/etc) and your top 7 favorite (fictional) characters from any media? Why do you love them all? Sorry if you've answered this questions before......

Hello :D

omg i get to yell about things I like, exciting!

first im going to go with my top 7 in no special order cuz I would never be able to decide

Trigun (98, manga and stampede): I've talked WAY to much about this one but holy shit has impacted my life. The story, the characters, the pain THE SWEET SWEET PAIN MY GOD. It just mixes a lot of tropes/themes I really like. And we have 3 versions of it! How cool is that?

Steven Universe: again another classic. Discovered the show when I was young and it just grabbed my soul. Very formative and influential while I was growing up. So soft and p a i n f u l l as all thins should be :3. Plus the music is a banger. Like to this day ik songs from it. Favorite one is change btw.

Legend series (book series): no one paid attention to this series because it came out the same time as divergent and hunger games and other big titles. But I was! And it's still one of the best book series I've ever read. It totally has the 2013-2015 vibes (except for the latest one in the series, rebel) but it's....honest. not only because all the struggles in the book are real but also because the author really believes in her characters. She created them but also let them become people. Plus the writing is amazing and her description of specific moments and emotions UGH I have a huge post about it because of how cool it is. I still remember opening the first book and getting SLAPPED by the first line. Yes it's that good.

Signalis: newish game :D saw lesbians, saw violence and I was on board but I never thought the game would make me think and stare at the wall that much. So far I've played it 5 times and going for a 6th. It's so abstract and no one can decide on what's true or not but that's part of its beauty. Really clever and interesting game. Nothing is real, only lesbians with guns.

Our Flag Means Death: cool show that was about queer NOT IN THEIR TEENAGE YEARS??? IN THIS ECONOMY??? AND NOT ABOUT AIDS (sorry pose I still love you). Of course it won me over because of the queerness but also the characters themselves. It was nice to see myself in a lot of them, personality and racially wise. The fun gay pirates came to my house, destroyed my life and also gave me life. Easy as that.

Pose fx: don't like the main writer of the show too much but the rest of them ATE WITH THIS. A story about black queer woman PORTRAYED BY BLACK QUEER WOMEN. It deals with the aids crisis through the lenses of trans women and gay men but the thing in that show that blew me away was the love for femininity and the community they created around it. They actually took their abandoned and traumatized selves and became someone. They formed families that actual give support and I'm a sucker for found family. I've cried many times because I wanted Blanca to adopt me. 10/10 show about overcoming shit circumstances and the importance of community. What if I cried again.

Houseki no Kuni (manga and anime): weird manga that I've been following for YEARS because its so fucking good. The anime is beautiful and captivating af and honestly the whole thing needs to be analyzed by a Buddhist. it makes me want to learn about that religion so i can understand more. but yeah its sad, its hype, and once again its about gay rock MMM my favorite. you dont know the hours i spent looking for videos/animatic about it. hard to explain but i like to describe it as "human growth: the manga/anime"

Maybe it seems like I don't watch many movies and it's kinda true! I'm more of a shows person. but there are movies i like. maybe another day

Now onto my favorite characters but again I can't decide so this is in no special order. Also because I can't decide I'm giving the spotlight to characters that are not from the media mentioned above (for example if you dont see vash in here is because i yell about him enough like. 3 times minimum per month). Because I can. Because I'm normal about media and stories i like.

1.Steven (su): MY BOY MY MOON AND STARS. ok a lot of this list is about characters i relate to, but this one is the og. this mf is one of the kindest, awesome yet misunderstood characters of all time. theres so much rage and trauma in this little guy but there are many other feelings that get lowkey explored in the main show until BOOM the emotions explode in su future. its amazing how complex my son is. im so lucky that i got to grow up along side him in a way. and in another way it was nice to see myself kinda represented in him? fun times.

2.Tifa (ffvii): PRETTY RECENT BUT SHES THE COOLEST. ejem sorry. i love cloud, zach and the others from the game but tifa doesnt get the recognition she deserves. she survived so many tragedies and became stronger because of it. not only in body but also in mind. however she also became cautious and tries to not explode in front of others. she tries to be a safe place for people, even when shes scared. i think thats pretty admirable of her. i would say more but i dont want to risk spoiling the game but there are little moments and scenes where she just tries to be there for people because she has no one in her life anymore and fuck it makes me sad. also shes pretty hot-

3.Elektra (pose): MY QUEEN. shes just. evil sometimes. shes really a bitch to most of the characters but DAMN SHES COOL WHEN SHE IS. elektra knows she was born with a huge disadvantage in life so she grabs power like a mf and bites it. i kinda aspire to be that, to not let anyone get in my way. she just really speaks to the part of me that has bigger ambitions. but shes also smart and caring (when shes not being a bitch) and every time the world puts her down she stands up and kicks the world again. she's the power of femininity itself and yes i also think shes hot (i mean look at those cheeks of thunder) but shes like a fucking storm in a person and how i can not love that? We love poc people in power.

4.Phos (houseki no kuni): This fucking child (they're a child in my eyes) is so important to me for weird reasons. I got deep into hnk when I was in my sabbatical year. It was a time where I didn't know where I would go and phos seemed to be in a similar place. To this day it surprises me how ichikawa managed to create a "simple" character and then by all definitions made them human. I like their journey, the transformations they went through, the stages they went to cope or to confront their situation. Plus the design is pretty affff

5.Edward Teach (ofmd): I just.....really connected with this guy ok? The feeling of always being at the bottom so if you are going to rise your only option is to make people fear you but that's not true BOY HE LEFT NO CRUMBS WITH THAT WHOLE THING. he was just really cool when he entered the show and then it was "oh this guy is really fucked up actually" and he's so funny and MORE OLD POC QUEERS? FUCK YEAH. but i guess what puts him on top for me is how he explored himself and his needs. All that while being funny and tragic and gay. Really cool.

6.Anthy (revolutionary girl utena): MY DAUGHTER RRRRAAAAHHH. Anthy is a really tragic and complex character. to this day i cannot put together every reason why shes my favorite from utena. Shes tragic and my god the things she goes through break my heart every time I think about it but...shes also incredibly strong and funny and a weird keeping animals in her room. The creators did an excellent job showing her lack of agency and how she already had given up, but also showed her humanity and wish to retain things in her life that gave her joy. And movie anthy? That girl is a no nonsense girl. She will get her girlfriend no matter what from the people who abused her. She left that fucking school as a mature, smart and kind adult. We fucking stan.

7. Richard (requiem of the rose king): another recent acquired son. Idk why this one hit so much and honestly for how short the manga is (79 chapters) they did such a good job with him???? Banger themes and metaphors, banger character moments, banger GENDER moments. I've seen a few people not being able to take him seriously but idk, ir sounded honest and serious to me. A kid who has been told since birth they were a demon became one to survive but not really. Because no one with his wish can fully be a demon. Idk maybe it's cheesy but his quest for love and acceptance was a banger in my eyes (please read the manga. We can leave the anime behind). Also I like him cuz he's cool and is a character I CAN ACTUALLY COSPLAY THANK GOD-

AND THOSE ARE SOME CHARACTERS AND SOME PIECES OF MEDIA I LIKE :D IF ANYONE WANTS MORE PLS ASK.

[raincamp]

08 18 2023

endings take forever sometimes.

i used to think of ending as one event. it happens and then its over. the end of a movie, the last minute before credits roll. the end of a relationship, the goodbye before never seeing each other again. the end of a life, the last breath before organs fail.

what i've learned recently is that endings creep up a long, long time before they make their move.

i've experienced several recently, what with me moving away from everything i've built here in the past 19 years. it seems to be a theme in my life right now.

i had my last session with Olivia, my favorite person, my therapist, yesterday. i needed some time to process it (and also sleep for like 11 hours) before i could journal about it. i still havent cried, but i want to so, so badly.

i think part of the issue is that i have already cried about it, i grieved it before it even happened. i felt it coming months before it did. and i cried believing everything was over. and i had to sit and wait for it to finally end, knowing that it was happening, and it was torturous.

i regret not preparing for the session more, though. there's so many things i wish i could've told her. sentiments like "you're so fucking good at your job and i want you to know that" and "you were the best thing that happened to me when i was sitting with the worst" and "i love you".

i had so many questions i wish i could've had time to ask her, about how she sees me, how she thinks i improved, what she hopes i work on in the future, whether or not she enjoyed working with me, whether or not she'll miss me.

and most of all i wanted to apologize. i just feel so much guilt and i have to carry it with me without getting to resolve it now. i did hurt her, i mean, i have BPD and i didn't hold anything back. i would manipulate situations to get desired outcomes, i would play games with her, say things so she would react how i wanted her to.

sure, its her job as my therapist to take it and not take it personally and turn it into a way to help me, but still, we had a relationship— a professional one albeit— but shit can still hurt. she has feelings.

she said i could email her once in a while, if something big happens in my life that i want to celebrate with her. so, at least she won't be completely dead to me.

i want to finish the therapy fic i was writing based on her so i can send it to her.

on another note, i also attended IFS therapy yesterday too, which is why i was so exhausted. it was my first time trying to communicate with my parts, and it was a really new experience. i found it immensely interesting though!

i predict its going to be difficult though. i as my self, dont trust this therapist fully yet so i know that there's going to be a lot of resistance from protectors. what am i saying? there already has been.

i discovered 3 parts today, i dont think im ready to talk about all of them here but one of them is a dissociating part that is essentially gatekeeping me from accessing anything, and refuses to step away once it shows up or explain its reasoning in any way.

its gonna be really challenging to work with it, since its entire job is to stop me from talking to other parts, and also since it wont talk to me, and also since ive spent all of my time pushing it away/exiling it (especially in therapy) because i fucking hate dissociating.

i hate endings but im going to have to end this now anyway. at least you've been prepared at least 5 paragraphs since. im still deciding.

- andrew

[scoops404]

dont be sad about deep in the dream!!! if i could kudos every chapter individually youd be soaring :) and if i could do it every time i read it.. woo!!!!!! ur doing great

I was being dramatic! The engagement on Deep in Dream has made me so happy -- the comments, asks, DMs, etc like I know the story resonates with people and that's what's important to me

and maybe that's silly with fanfiction (it is, i suppose) but for so many years I had long fics that other people wrote living rent-free in my head, more so than television shows, books, etc like they changed something in me and it was completely free. My goal with my long fics is to do that (and maybe they aren't that way, or are selectively, that's fine, people are different and tastes vary, I get that)

Deep in Dream hit that niche for me and I consider it a "success" (if we can measure those kinds of things) because so many people have lovingly reached out (like you!) and told me they loved it

I write for myself and my friends and so even if I suddenly got no kudos on anything, I'd still be writing and sharing

it's just funny to watch a story I spent collectively maybe 5 hours on shoot up above the story I spent months writing. However, that's just how these things go sometimes! People like different things and sometimes you hit on a slow day content-wise and people jump to read your story. I'm definitely not complaining and I'll still be writing long fics anyway because they demand to be written and they mean so much to me

sorry this turned into a writing philosophy essay, my bad!

TLDR: I loved Deep in Dream and I loved the support from the readers about it :D

[bpdypulsblogs]

5 helpful Tips to start your own personal finance program

The most common challenge that people I talk to face is how to incorporate fitness into their lives. They know they have to do something to get in shape but they really dont know how. It can be discouraging because of the abundance of information out there. So much that you may not know where to begin.

Our society has so many food choices that it is easy to pack on the extra pounds. Also our day to day jobs are less physical as they where 100 years ago so we have more sedentary life styles. We know there are benefits involved when we exercise and cleaning up or diet. However, most of us know dont know how or where to start.

So where do we begin? Or is the question: How do we begin?

The very first thing you need do is go to your doctor and get the approval to start exercising. Your doctor may also provide some helpful tips as well.

After you get the OK from your doctor, try these 5 things to help you get started:

Make the Choice to Start Exercising and Eating Right

Making the decision to do something provides a form of commitment you made to your self. Deciding that you need to change behavior creates new possibilities. When you say to your self I need to get in shape, it means something. You should be answering these questions in your mind: When can I work out? What exercises do I need to do? What foods should I be eating? Make your self think about the commitment you just made. Only then you can let go of the past and take steps to move forward.

Write Down What You Do

You need a reference that is realistic towards your weekly activity. Write down everything you do during the week. This should include work hours, commuting hours, nights spent with your spouse, your childs activities and anything else you can think of that you do. You should also include what you do on weekends. You should make a list for each day of the week. Heres why..

Some people set lofty goals like working out for 2 hours a day. This can be due to an old saying, More is Better. However, this is not the case. Knowing your schedule will help you set realistic goals and help you find a few hours a week to start exercising. Youll have a visual perspective on what you can and cant do with your routine.

Research and Get Information

Most people do not have enough information before they start a work out program. So how do we get the information we need? The good news is we live in the information age. Take advantage of your favorite search engine and learn a little bit about fitness and nutrition. However, do not go overboard and lose focus. Find a source of information you like and take notes. Find the simplest and easiest workouts and nutrition tips. Dont over load yourself with information.

If you have the money, hire a personal trainer for a few sessions to help you get started. Hiring a personal trainer is a great way to get started because you have made a commitment to meet someone to workout. Your goal is to have the trainer show you the basics on exercise and eating healthier. It may also be safer to learn how to perform the exercises (especially if you have not exercised for a while).

Create a Simple Plan and Set Realistic Goals

Keep it Simple! Following a simple plan while on a hectic schedule is much easier than following an elaborate plan. You should have a plan of which days you want to work out and one goal to change your eating habits for the next few weeks. For example, I will work out for a half an hour for 3 days this week. I will eat a little less each meal. Simple is success.

Execute Your Plan

Now that you have a plan, all you need to do is follow it. This is another big step. You should look at your plan every day upon waking. You need be mentally prepared for the great day ahead of you. Having your daily schedule in hand will help you achieve your goals for the day. When you complete your workout for the day, highlight it or cross it off your list. It will show you that you accomplished something for yourself. No matter what you must execute. This will be the hardest (and most rewarding) step.

I hope these things help you get started on a new life of physical fitness. Life is filled with making decisions, knowing your commitments, getting information, planning and execution. Try these approaches for yourself and you will see that having your own workout and nutrition program is not as far fetched or complicated as you think.

Do you want to boost your metabolism, increase health and lose weight

[moon3thereal]

Hiii one request! Nat meets R in a bar or something while she is trying to be far away from the problems of being an avenger,the read head tries to have a date with her and R accepts, then in the midel of the date R takes the initiative and start to be a little/much sassy 😏 and convinces Nat to leave the place to be in somewhere more private. But when they are alone R start to fight with Nat trying to knock her out but Nat pin her down and asks why she is doing that, R admitt that she is a widow and was sent to cach her and bring her back to the red room. The end can be as you wish.

Thanks!!

Title: Eyes on the prize

genre: fluff, angst-ish

warnings: guns, violence, alcohol, knives, mention of memory removal

the bottom: (dont ask why, but leah forced me to credit her at the bottom and technically i did!) credits to @midgardianweasley for practically co-writing and building the foundation for this fic, i could NOT have done this without her, thank you so much, and please go check out her fics everyone!

a/n: one of the longest fics i've written, i hope you guys enjoy! ends with fluff dw

2.7 K words

Natasha brushed a hand over her face in fatigue, she’d been to more than 3 countries within the time span of a week for missions and had done so much paperwork she thought she might pull out her hair if she laid eyes on another mission report. The cadets that S.H.I.E.L.D recruited, in her eyes, were no more than children who didn’t even know how to hold a gun properly, not to mention shoot.

What the Russian needed right now was tequila, a shit load of tequila. Fortunately, there was a bar that the redhead frequented whenever she needs to put some distance between her and the problems of the avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D

Picking up her leather jacket that was tossed carelessly on her couch and the keys to her Chevrolet, Natasha set off to a bar about 3 blocks down the Avengers compound, in fifteen minutes, she was met with a glowing neon sign, she was regular at the dim bar and was almost always seen there on a Friday night with her red hair in a braid and several locks framing her face in effortless elegance

Usually, people didn’t approach her and if they did, she never paid much attention to them. However, today when she sat down, there was a y/h/c haired woman already locating the seat next to her with a beer in her hand. You were idly swirling the beer in its bottle and staring off into space when the redhead settled down in her usual seat.

She ordered 10 tequila shots and you raised a brow at her “you sure you can handle that?” she turned to you with a smirk “I can handle twice as much as that but I have work tomorrow” you hummed in acknowledgement “I haven’t seen you around here before, you’re new?” Natasha asked downing a shot without so much as a grimace “I’m looking for a job, bartender” you said propping your foot up on the counter “well you sure don’t look like one” she remarks and you frowned “is there a specific look for a bartender?” and she downed a second shot and gestured to a woman taking orders from drunk customers “sure there is, there, like her”

You scoffed “hm maybe I’d be an exception to the standard” the corner of the redhead’s lips quirked up “good, it’d be nice to see some change around here” you stretched your arms out in front of you “it would be, if they hired me, but they didn’t, which is why I’m sitting around moping about the fact they rejected such a pretty face” Natasha downed another shot nodding in agreement. You looked at her, genuinely impressed at her alcohol tolerance. “Your mom never taught you that it’s rude to stare?” your face fell for a second at the mention of your mother, she was dead, like all the mothers of the widows who attempted to pry their daughters out of the red room’s grip. But you restored your poker face before she could catch your look of discomposure.

“If staring at you was considered rude, then the whole world would be douchebags” you quipped. Natasha only laughed and shook her head at your obvious flirting “you come here often then?” you asked after watching her down another shot “obviously not enough if I can’t remember a pretty face like yours.” The redhead said lightly. she was studying you though, she noticed how you were sitting, back straight, shoulders back, she wasn’t unfamiliar to that posture at all, in the red room, all widows were trained to be on the defense, on alert at all times, always anticipating anything and everything, nothing could go amiss that way. And she’d also noticed the way you had barely taken a sip of your drink, resorting to swishing the liquid idly in its bottle.

Against everything logical and her own unmistakable and uncannily accurate instinct, Natasha stopped her brain from analyzing and evaluating these signs and allowed them to be overlooked as a side effect of her falling into a trance simply by observing you, how your eyebrows arched perfectly, the curve of your lips, the perfect ridge of your nose and the captivating color of your eyes and how all of your facial parts are completely flawless to her, she could’ve sworn she’d seen you somewhere before. Natasha had met many interesting people in her line of work but she’d never yet met one as intriguing as you were, the quintessential mysterious girl in the bar.

If you had told her two days ago, that she would ask a stranger in a bar over to her apartment to drink with her, she’d have called you crazy. However, it didn’t seem so crazy to her now, it was unlike Natasha, but she asked you to come over to have a drink, an unofficial, casual date. You raised an eyebrow “now, now, was that an attempt to get me drunk?” you clicked your tongue in faux disapproval “simply seizing the opportunity to get to know you better” she said with a shrug. You hid a smile behind your beer bottle, taking the first sip of the night. You had tried to convince yourself that it was simply your success at scoring a date with the Russian therefore giving you a chance to lure her somewhere private to eliminate her, but something in you told you it was more than that, the way she smiled, how her lips curved and her perfectly sculpted eyebrow lifted, it was all so familiar yet you simply couldn’t retrieve the memory.

But one thought was clear, raging even, at the back of your mind. You didn’t want to hurt her, whoever she was, you didn’t want to lay a hand on her, couldn’t bear to see her in pain, you’d defy Dreykov, defy the red room, defy Russia and all of their stupid organizations if it meant you could figure out this mystery of a woman, discovering her secrets one by one, layer by layer. Not to report back to the red room but just to see Natasha as she was. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way, it never worked that way, if you’d done it, Dreykov would’ve been notified and you’d be dead before the sun rises the next day. Your eyebrows knitted together momentarily at the thought that the woman before you would be dead at your hands before dawn before you arranged your features to hide the moment of doubt.

“Natalia Alianovna Romanova. Natasha Romanoff. She’s a problem, a threat, a danger to the future of our widows, I need her terminated, and there’s no one better than you, y/n, for the job. Don’t let me down” Dreykov’s voice flashed in your mind, his orders were clear, kill her or there will be consequences.

Natasha’s voice brought you back to the conversation “what do you do? Before you decided to look for a job at this dingy bar I mean” she asked, the shot glasses were all empty now where there had been at least 5 more before, you must’ve been too entranced by your thoughts, or how strands of her hair had escaped her braid and curly wisps of ginger hair were framing her face perfectly. You both had decided to get out of the bar, more patrons had walked in making it stuffy and crampy, you were walking out the door with Natasha, presumably to her apartment “a primary teacher, English.” You said without hesitation, you always spent hours reciting the information of your cover, sometimes you felt as if you were really the person you were pretending to be with how fluently you could deliver the lines you’d practiced in front of a mirror until they were flawless.

She laughed; a clear, melodious laugh that made your cheeks heat up “you? An English teacher? Wow.” She said “what are you gonna say I don’t look like one?” you glared at her with indignation on your face “no, you don’t, you don’t at all” she said, her expression turning into a serious one, for a second your heart dropped, thinking your cover had been blown and you’d have to resort to shooting her in the middle of the street, which wasn’t exactly ideal “you look like a zookeeper” she said biting her lip to hold back her laugh at the look on your face. you raised your eyebrows in amusement “that wasn’t funny” you said “oh but it was” the redhead laughed showing her impossibly white teeth and her cheeks were pink from walking in the cold night air, you couldn’t help but stare at her lips, her perfectly kissable- snap out of it y/l/n, you thought to yourself, that isn’t what you’re here to do.

“But seriously, I’m actually happy about how tonight is going, better than drinking alone” she voiced out, you looked to her with a smirk evident on your face, you’d just reached her apartment and she was unlocking the door letting you in behind her. “Going soft for me Romanoff?” she scoffed before her face fell into an expression of momentary confusion, in a split second you both had your guns pointed at each other “who are you? How do you know my name?” the carefree Natasha was gone now, and in her place stood the infamous black widow.

Deciding that hiding your identity from her was pointless now, you attempted to attack, kicking the gun from her hand and vaulting to get your legs around her neck to choke her. Unfortunately for you, that was textbook red room and a trick Natasha had used countless times on enemies of various sizes. Blocking you, the Russian pinned you, one hand on the small of your back and the other at the back of your neck, holding you down “I knew I should’ve spent the night alone.” Refusing to be defeated so easily, you swept her feet out from under her, but once you got up, she’d punched you in your side causing you to double over in pain. She moved to her gun but you weren’t the star student of the red room for no reason, in the blink of an eye, you had a knife to her throat.

The both of you had stood there for a few seconds, breathing heavily before you felt a familiar feeling of cool metal, the barrel of a gun, through your thin shirt. “You didn’t think I just had one, did you?” she said pressing it into your side in warning. Gritting your teeth in frustration, you released her with a shove and dropped your knife with your hands raised.

“If it was anyone else, in any other situation, I would’ve shot you and be done with it, but you’re intriguing, there’s a story behind this. I trust you won’t pull anything?” she asked watching you stare down the barrel of her Glock. You nodded once, albeit grudgingly. To your utter surprise, she placed the gun down and gestured to a chair on the opposite side of the table and sat down herself. You’d utterly demolished the rest of her kitchen with your fight. Sitting in the chair rigidly, Natasha raised an eyebrow at your silence, you noted how if you made a run for it, she had the ability to shoot you before you even stood up with the proximity of her hand and her gun. Her gun, you had the exact half to the one on the floor across the room, your gun. You furrowed your eyebrows, you had one half of the twin guns, the other half was hers. But that didn’t make sense, unless there was a reason why she’d seemed familiar to you?

Natasha seemed to think the same, her eyes flickering from the gun just inches away from her fingertips to the one across the room, hers had your initials engraved at the bottom, and yours hers. But you’ve never understood why there was two letters engraved on to your favored gun “N.R. Natasha Romanoff” you said, more to yourself than to her. She spoke two letters, your name.

“What is this, who are you?” you said struggling to even out your breathing. “y/n y/l/n” she said. “no it cant be” she said disbelief streaked over her face. “The red room is gone, I killed Dreykov” she said shaking her head and pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes “I hate to break it to you, but Dreykov is very much alive” you said “I’m a widow, I was sent here to kill you, you’re a threat to them” you said staring her directly in the eyes. “Whatever you did, unsuccessful” you said. “do you even remember me?” she said a crease in her forehead and looked up at you “you seem familiar. But no, not really” all hostility had gone out from both your voices, you were both just doing your jobs

She started humming a song, the music sounded eerily familiar, the same feeling you’d felt previously looking at her painted lips flooded you. Familiar, but the memory was just out of reach. “with the lights out, it’s less dangerous, here we are now” she started singing softly “entertainers” you breathed out disbelievingly. It suddenly came rushing back to you

When you’d snuck a radio from your trainers’ office

When you’d sneak out of the cuffs on the beds at night to share hidden kisses with each other

How you’d trained side by side

How a redheaded girl had been by your side when you threw up on your first kill

Natalia. Natasha. You had loved her in secret, between the shadow and the soul. You had loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

Shock was written clearly over your features. You hadn’t seen her since she’d gotten out, ten years ago. Now that you remembered, you couldn’t believe you didn’t recognize her. The same fiery red hair, same eyebrows, same emerald green eyes, same smile. Same Natalia.

Guilt rushed in like an overwhelming wave, Natasha couldn’t believe that you were still alive, she’d attempted to search for you, almost went crazy when you went completely off grid after the Budapest mission. She’d meant to defect, and then go back for you. She had it all planned out, but you seemed to vanish off the face of the earth “I’m sorry, y/n. I’m so sorry, I tried, I really did. You were just gone, I thought you were dead” You stared back at her in shock “its okay, we were separated, I was sent to Italy, remember? It wasn’t your fault.” You said still in a daze

After moments of confusion over how you didn’t remember someone that important to you, an expression of realization found its way onto your face. Memory removal, of course. The red room had the technology, attachment to anyone, anyone at all was nothing but a weakness. Love is for children, that was what the red room had burned into the widows’ minds.

Hatred shone in your eyes when you realized that Dreykov had practically had his scientists cut the part of you that had loved Natasha out of your brain. “you’re an avenger. Means Dreykov won’t hurt you” you contemplated “or your comrades” you supported your chin on your heel of your palm. Natasha nodded slowly in confusion. “They can’t afford to” she said “so if I was your comrade, they would lose any and all ability to do me harm” she nodded again “I suppose so, yes” when you both locked eyes again, you both knew what the other was thinking. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Natasha asked with a smirk “to burn the red room to the ground? Yes.” You said with a matching smirk

If love was for children, you were both toddlers. After everything the red room and the world had done to keep you apart, you had somehow found your way back to each other again. And you weren’t planning on letting her out of your sight any time soon.

[itsrapsodia]

I'll level with you I really didn't care for mid season 1 Yennefer, she got on my nerves. I did not like her and geralts relationship (it was bad for both of them tbh, geralts coming out looking worse though by far). The thing is though yennefer's scenes with Jaskier this season were so good, they're really cute and FUNNY together. THEY HAVE ACTUAL CHEMISTRY!!! As buds AND as a couple! i normally ship geraskier but show geralt can take a long walk off of a short pier. Yenskier's growing on me

oh man I definitely have Opinions about it. (Future Raps note: this got too long and it's twn critical, so it's going under a Read More fdkjgdf)

I also didnt like Yen on 1st watch, but I did on my 2nd, and I think it has a lot to do with the timeline issue. She had a BIG change of heart from 1 episode to the next, and they tell us it's cause she's spent decades in court and realized it's not what she wanted but we as the audience dont get to SEE or FEEL that change. She later wants a kid, and a casual viewer feels like just an hour ago she was ok with giving that up to gain power, it was a choice she made and it's so weird that she regretted that (in what FEELS like) immediately after and seems to be blaming other people for it.

more understanding of the chartacter helps get her motivations better, but i think she suffered the Too Much Info in Too Little Time curse, and also from the fact that the writers love to say a lot but show very little. Sometimes they won't even say it ON the show!! They'll say it on a tweet or an interview! This makes me extremely angry, if you can't tell!!!

Yen/Geralt suffers from the same, tbh. Even worse, the push for the relationship works to the detriment of Yennefer as a character imo. In s1 we're supposed to see them as this epic tragic love story, but again we are just TOLD that a long time happened in between eps 5 and 6. We are TOLD that they're bad for each other. We see some fucking FLASHBACKS in 2 minutes, with a voice over of them explaining how they felt so bad whenever they woke up and the other was gone. It's bullshit and most people didnt get it! That's why you get 10000 fics believing that this was only the 2nd time they met and it was only a couple months later. Cause that's not how you tell a story.

And THEN we have their reunion in s2, which i still think was terrible writing. It makes sense from Geralt's pov, cause he thought she was dead, but yennefer never thought that. FDJKGNDF yen didnt even THINK about him much unless someone else mentioned him!! And when she did she was mad and hurt! WHAT'S THAT "how is this possible?" LINE, it makes no sense. Their problem wasn't solved. Geralt doesnt even fucking apologize, they dont TALK about it.

So yeah it makes no sense for her character, but it DOES make sense for PLOT PURPOSES. They needed them to be together and happy and show them with Ciri as the Happy Family they could be, so the "betrayal" would hurt more.

It also totally ruins what could've been an interesting progression of Yen's character. You know. A girl who went from pushing her friends into an eel pond cause "sometimes the best thing a flower can do for us is die" to deciding that sacrificing the life of a child for her own benefit wasn't worth it ON HER OWN, and instead gave her the line "i didnt know she was your child"

anyway. ANYWAY DFKJGNDF this got out of control oh god. I haven't had COFFEE yet it's too early for this. sorry for my ramblings. I cant even remember what the ask was about, hold on- AH YEAH. yennskier this season was great, I agree. I liked them already but now I'm fully on board, they deserve the best ❤

KJFDNG ANYWAY IM SORRY ANON, IM SALTY ABOUT SOME THINGS.

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. rachel doesnt put anything under a grey lens so why would the fans? like persephone and hades and hera are always show as only good (w/ even their bad actions framed as good in one way or another) meanwhile zeus and apollo and minthe are always shown as bad. why should we be shocked demeter is also under the "look how abusive demeter is!" lens when thats how rachel has depicted her for years now? even her protecting her daughter was framed as bad, but good when hera and hades do the same thing!

2. I want to know how the fans think RS is above critique when even the most beloved artists ever were critiqued too? Are we seriously supposed to buy Rachel, an artist who can't even keep a basic color sheet or doesn't know basic anatomy, is somehow a better artist and thus shouldn't be critiqued over the likes of Da vinci, Michelangelo, and Van Gogh, all who were critiqued in their times? Like how egotistical do you have to be to think she's free from critique over the literal legends of art?

3. tbh i under the impression blogs like this and other "anti" spaces wouldnt need to exist if lo fans just ... let people actually have discussions and differing opinions and not rigidly police it so there is only mindless praise and thats it. like overwhelmingly every "anti" ive seen is fans or former fans who have to make their own space because the fandom is so full of "toxic positivity". even the lo discord mass banned people for asking for a single hour of "approved critique time" like what??

4. LO fans, their fanbase, and their comic is so wildly misogynistic which is weird bc it's made by a woman and the fans are overwhelming 12 year old girls to 20 year old women?? and they all claim to be super progressive and feminist?? like nah yall cant claim that while calling minthe a whore who deserves to be tortured and killed and demeter is a shrill karen who doesn't understand ~LOVE~ unlike the literal slave owner hades whose type is vulnerable young teeangers who dont know better lmao.

5. I honestly thought you guys were joking when you said how old Rachel actually is. I could have sworn off her writing and art alone she was maybe idk, 22? Not in her late 30s?  Yall mean to tell me she's almost 40 damn years old and she still acts and writes like a teenager? Like at this rate she will literally be in her 40s when LO ends and it's just a jumbled mess of her self inserting on a born sexy yesterday 19 year old and her desperately wanting a billionaire slave owner to bang her? what??

From OP: Just so people know what anon is talking about, RS is currently 35 I believe (saw her mention it on twitter some time this year).

6. the difference between how LO uses Hades as a God of Wealth versus how others use it is that say Hadestown makes a clear point to use that status as a way to critique capitalism and how Hades, because of him using such cruel labor practices and hoarding wealth, is a bad thing. That's a way to use mythology in a way to tell a modern story. In comparison, LO has Hades owning slaves, abusing his employees, controlling all the resources, and hoarding wealth as a GOOD thing. That's the problem!

7. i do love the new excuse of "rachel has put so much time into this comic so you cant critique it" like yo that only makes it worse? like shes spent literal YEARS working on this comic and its still misogynistic, racist, ableist, homophobic, etc etc like how do you spent so much time on it and never improve and even make it worse? like do yall hear yourselves when you say that?

8. im sorry but webtoons HAS to update the banners and icons and stuff for LO by now because all of that was made in 2018 and the style does not match at ALL.

9. i would honestly buy more the idea of rs claiming shes trying to show shades of grey (heh) in the characters and relationships if like that was actually shown to us years ago and properly set up since the start? like you cant now be nearly four years into this and now claim youre showing them being complex and "not perfect" when you spent years making them as uncomplex as possible and framing only hxp and hera as "perfect"? thats not how writing works?

10. nah that other anon brings up a point i didnt consider. if the nymphs are designed as the "perfect women" (which yes side eye that obvs HAS to be just persephone clones) then why is persephone considered so desirable and unique then? theres thousands of these pink nymphs running around with actual personalities and are the most beautiful women ever, why wouldnt people prefer them to the slate persephone? she has nothing go for her beyond what, her boobs are bigger? easier to manipulate?

[silima]

Hey man I wanted to ask, i am beginner artist and I feel kinda discouraged because i have a smaller acc than I lot of artists, how do you feel like encouraged to draw more stuff about your fandom?(i really love your art and is so inspiring!)

thank u!! first of all, it's awesome that you've decided to start putting yourself out there!! i think motivation can be one of the hardest things to deal with when it comes to making art, & sometimes it feels like u either have it or u don't. but i think it's definitely possible to improve in some ways!

i think the most important rule of trying to motivate urself is, when motivation/inspiration hits you, DON’T WASTE IT. if you think to yourself, “hmm, it would be fun to draw right now… but it would be easier to keep scrolling on my phone” do your best to actually go draw!! i’m not gonna tell u to skip, like, ur homework for art (although i totally do that) bcz u should do ur homework. but when the urge hits u, don’t let it go!! u gotta ride that wave as far as it’ll take you.

obviously sometimes motivation will hit you at times when you’re in a situation where you totally can’t sit down and draw. like it’s 3am and you really should’ve been sleeping 5 hours ago, but u just got a super cool idea for a drawing or a comic or something. if that happens, i’m not saying to actually sit down & draw right then, but you absolutely should write your idea down while the idea is still fresh!! it’s easy to forget small things or even the whole idea if you wait for later. plus, when you revisit what you've written down, you might find yourself having ideas of how you could make it even better.

one thing that’s kind of unfortunate about making art is that, yeah, external motivation is a big part of motivating yourself to make art (at least it is for me). BUT you definitely don’t need to have thousands of followers to get nice feedback on your art. i mean, you could just show it to an irl friend who likes the show/book/etc that you’re drawing for too. hell, you could show it to ur mom

but to put yourself out there online, uhh my advice is to

make art that’s interesting in some way. (character interactions are often more interesting to ppl than solo character art, for one; uhh, comics are super super super fun although i personally felt intimidated by them at first; in general, trying to give ur audience some kind of emotional response to ur art--whether it's "aw so cute" or funny or angsty--is good.)

participate in fandom events (like ship weeks, big bangs, etc). at the very least, ur art gets reblogged to a bigger blog that can get you some exposure. and you might make some friends!

try to connect w/ other content creators—go compliment cool art! send nice asks! make gift art for fanfics u really like!

look for some fandom discords with nice ppl

post ur stuff on multiple social medias

i personally spent like 3 years on tumblr just kinda tossing my art into the void before i actually started gaining a significant amount of followers lol so i’m not exactly a social media guru but i think those are some good places to start.

also, NEVER BE DISCOURAGED BY UR OWN ART!!!!! sometimes it happens when you'll look at ur art and be like "holy bejeezus i suck at art" and like, it's inevitable that it happens occasionally, but u gotta avoid that as much as u possibly can. practice positive self-talk--be like "aw fuck yeah i love how i drew that hair" or smth to yourself. bad self-esteem will kill your motivation & your fun.

(it's worth keeping in mind that oftentimes, if u feel like ur art is "getting worse," that's literally just your eye for art developing and learning to recognize flaws that you're about to fix--a good sign, not a bad one. your hands will catch up to your eyes in time.)

oh and DONT be afraid of posting little sketches or unfinished doodles that arent that fancy...... thats something i struggle with lol i always feel like "if my art isnt perfectly cleaned up and shaded then whats the point :(" but whenever i see someone else's cute little sketch on my dash im always like omg thats so cool. doing this is also good because if you don't feel obligated to put tons and tons of effort into each piece, you'll have an easier time creating lots of art which ultimately helps u improve way faster

lastly i uhhh really strongly recommend against doing that thing that some beginner artists do where you're feeling insecure about your art and, in anticipation that people will hate it, you say something like "haha yeah i know it sucks" in the caption/tags to sort of insulate yourself from criticism. cuz like, most ppl are not little loser bitches who go around insulting random ppl's art, and besides if you do encounter people like that, u can just block em. more importantly, a lot of people do find such captions kind of off-putting/guilt-trippy, so it's bad for growing ur audience, and it's also harmful to you as well, because you're verbalizing your insecurities (& thus intensifying them). just own it. you don't need to apologize for "imperfect" art. it happens, & it's totally okay.

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 7]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, fingering, daddy!kink, dirty talk, ‘cuz you can touch touch me~ 😏 ur gonna need to imagine headband/bandana wearing left&right cheol for this cuz that’s the fantasy i was imagining for this chapter the entire time i was writing it hehe 🍒 quick apologies to anyone who thinks this is moving a little slow 😩 I literally don’t know how to shut up and I end up writing too much LMAO and as always, thank you for the continued interest! Have a great weekend bbys! 💕 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - ?

dom.cheol has donated $400

therealchan99: yea this is about right on course

dom.cheol: what, did u miss me? 😏

gentleman_josh95: loosely

chwenon: more like the obscenely large donations were missing lolol

You jokingly roll your eyes, exhaling deeply as you push your toys off to the side of the bed. You’d just finished your Saturday show without a hitch, albeit feeling a little lonely. “Aww, c’mon you guys! Don’t tease~” Glancing around the room, it did feel a little odd to you now that Seungcheol wasn’t there but he had called earlier in the day and told you that it might’ve been better if he stayed back.

In truth, you understood exactly how he felt.

Part of you was ready to throw all caution out of the window when it came to Seungcheol and he felt it too. But at the same time, you knew it wouldn’t be that easy and that there were still things that the two of you needed to discuss before deep diving into intimacy, especially when it came to powerplay.

kitty_junjun: hey dont take this in a weird way but like

kitty_junjun: i feel like i saw u earlier today…

universe_WZ: ooo i never thought abt that before

sleepy_wonu has donated $75

xcaliburDK: have ppl recognized u irl before? :o

dom.cheol: i feel like i might’ve seen u irl before too…

Your cheeks bloom a hot pink; a nervous giggle on your lips. “Oh! I mean, yeah, there’s been a handful of times. I’ll wear wigs out sometimes though. Can’t have people calling me out in a grocery store, y’know?”

kitty_junjun: wait so maybe i did see u? I dont wanna give out locations tho…

“Maybe! I’m still out on my little weekend trip and I was out and about earlier~ if you see me next time, don’t hesitate to say hi! I promise I don’t bite~” You pause, leaning closer into the webcam as you wink.

“Unless you want me to~”

You start running a bath right after you end your show, stretching and turning on some music as you start to unwind. Thankfully you didn’t have a tiring show today, so you decided to take the rest of the night to pamper yourself in preparation for your day with Seungcheol.

Biting your lip, you pick up your phone, already seeing a multitude of messages from Seungcheol on your lockscreen.

cheollie ✨: don’t forget ur glass of water!

cheollie ✨: also don’t forget i’m picking you up at 9:30am

cheollie ✨: hope ur ready to spend all day at the roller rink with me baby

You can’t help but grin, already excited to see how Seungcheol spent his day at work. Typing a response, you quickly hit send before setting your phone down onto the nightstand and making your way to the bathroom.

‘I can’t wait! I’m so excited~ u promised me free skates and free food so don’t forget!!’

It’s exactly 9:29AM when Seungcheol messages you that he’s downstairs.

You check yourself in the mirror one last time, smoothing down your dress and hair and grabbing your bag before you rush down to meet Seungcheol. 

There’s a mild feeling of nervousness that pours over you, but you quickly shake it off once you see his blue headed figure standing outside of the lobby.

“‘Cheollie!”

He turns around to face you just as you stop in your tracks; gasping when you see the cute way he’s styled his hair for today. “Whoa… wow, uh, j-just.. Wow. You look great in bandanas...”

Seungcheol laughs, eyes forming crescents. “I don’t usually work the weekends so I thought I’d spice it up a little. Guess it looks good?” You can only nod shakily, mentally cursing yourself when you feel the arousal already pooling inside your body. He winks at you once, opening the passenger’s side door as you slide into his car.

“Hope you’re ready to have a boring day at the roller rink with me.” He gives you a tight lipped smile, shutting your door before he rounds the car to get in on the driver’s side.

“I’m telling you, it’s not going to be… y’know, anything crazy.”

“Who says it has to be! I’m excited to see where you work and anyway you promised!” You tease, poking him in the arm as he starts the car. “I know, I know… I just---I don’t want you to be disappointed. I bet you thought I was some rich old hotshot before, huh?” Seungcheol shoots you a glance, smiling gently.

“Mmm.. not really.”

“No? You didn’t think I was some lonely CEO with loads of money with a thing for camgirls?”

You laugh at his response, placing your hand over his on the gear shift.

“Nah, if there’s anything I thought about you, it was that you were way too nice to be on some camming website.”

The two of you have idle conversation as Seungcheol takes his time to drive to the roller rink. In all honesty, he was a little nervous himself, although he’d never say it to your face.

“Oh my god, is that it?! It’s so cute!”

He parks close to the entrance, turning the car off as he jogs over to your side to help you out. “‘Cheol, you know you don’t have to be so sweet~” You pout, latching onto his arm as he locks the car.

“Oh but I do. You deserve to be spoiled once in a while!”

A blush coats your cheeks yet again, shy eyes fixated on the floor as he walks you towards the entrance. “Yeah, but all you ever do is spoil me… That sybian was no joke and my god, Seungcheol, the price! I almost had half a mind to return it…” You end in a mumble. Seungcheol laughs, opening the door for you as you unlatch from his arm and step in first.

“You’re worth spoiling. Now stop worrying, okay? I promise I’m not up to anything illegal in order to afford your gifts.” Giggling, you lean up to kiss him on the cheek, nodding firmly.

“Fiiiiine, I trust you, y’know?”

“I know, baby. I trust you too, now let’s go meet my best friend who’s going to play butler for you today.”

He leads you over to the concession stand where an equally tall yet bored male stands. “Hey, Jeongguk!” The said male looks up from his phone, eyebrow quirking when the two of you walk up. “Uh, hey Seungcheol-hyung…” Seungcheol feels a weird tenseness fall over the three of you, clearing his throat to get Jeongguk’s attention when he finds the younger male staring.

“Um, this is my friend. She’s---uh, she’s gonna be hanging out here for the rest of the day. I promised her that you’d give her free food, so uh, just--just let me know how much it is so I can tell Namjoon to take it out of my paycheck.” Jeongguk grins, a sly look in his eyes when he finally meets Seungcheol’s concerned eyes.

“Sure! Can I talk to you over there? It’s about our paychecks actually.” Jeongguk turns to you, leaning over the counter. “Sorry, employee only info, ch--uuuuuh, you know the deal.”

“Yeah, of course!”

Jeongguk points off to the side, gesturing to Seungcheol who follows suit.

The younger male makes sure they’re a safe distance away, watching as you pluck your phone out of your purse before he starts talking in harsh whispers. “What the fuck, dude!? You’re---no, you’re not fucking Cherry. She doesn’t have a boyfriend so what the fuck?”

The blood drains from Seungcheol’s face; the feeling in his fingers going numb as his throat goes dry. “Wuh--what? What are you---what are you talking about?” Jeongguk scoffs, eyes rolling jokingly.

“So, hyung, how do you know her?”

“You’re asking me?! How do you know her!?” Seungcheol’s eye twitches just as Jeongguk shoots him an incredulous look, arms crossed in mock annoyance. “I’m a horny boy, what can I say.”

“Please do not ever use those words to describe yourself again.”

The younger male stands in silence, nodding in thought.  

“Fuck, wow, I should’ve noticed. All those extra shifts you were taking, the reason why you could never come hang… You don’t like working here as much as Yoongi-hyung but you--holy---holy shit, wait--you… you can’t be…”

Fuck, here it comes.

“You’re fucking ‘dom.cheol’ aren’t you? You’re the one always leaving her insane fuckin’ donations all the time… and the gifts.. Oh my god. The ‘cheol’ was from Seungcheol, I should’ve known...”

Seungcheol dies a million deaths inside his head; the ringing in his ears becoming unbearable while Jeongguk stares at him in mild disbelief. “It all clocks out, holy fuck. No wonder you were so fucking eager to pick up so many extra shifts…” Seungcheol’s mouth opens and closes a few times, unsure what to say.

“I mean, fuck hyung, I--I’m kind of impressed but wow. You think you know a guy, huh?” Jeongguk laughs, patting the older male on the shoulder. “She’s only one of the hottest camgirls out there right now. You’re a lucky man, hyung.”

A weird possessiveness washes over Seungcheol, hands gently balling up into fists at his side. “Okay, well, she… she’s just here to chill, alright? Don’t do anything weird. And most of all, don’t say anything weird either.” The younger male nods, already walking back to where you were standing.

“Hey, sorry, hyung’s paycheck is gonna be pretty sad next week and I had to let him down gently. Anyway, I’m Jeongguk. You are?”

You give him a fake name; shaking his hand over the counter as he grins at you.

“It’s my pleasure.”

You spend the first two hours on the floor skating; catching Seungcheol’s eyes on you from time to time as he sits nearby cleaning skates. The place seemed pretty empty, which was something that Seungcheol was immensely glad for.

Eventually you skate off out of the rink, making your way to Seungcheol who smiles at you when you come sit next to him. “Told you. Bored already, huh?” The two of you share a laugh, watching as the few other people continue to skate around the rink.

“I mean… it’s different! Right about now I’d usually be six episodes into a new series or something… It’s nice to be somewhere else and doing something different.”

He nods in return, slightly pouting when he turns to face you. “I hate that you have to go home tonight.” You mirror his sentiments, lips quirking into a sad smile.

“I know… I don’t wanna go home…”

Seungcheol bites the inside of his cheek, eyes flitting over to Jeongguk. “Hey, maybe we can bail a little early. This place is pretty dead anyway, and I--I can have Jeongguk clock me out when he leaves. My shift is supposed to end at 3PM and it’s noon now so… We can leave in a hour? Maybe get a late lunch?”

“Seungcheol… I don’t want you to get in trouble…” You mumble, brows furrowing in concern. “Really, it’s okay! We can just hang here ‘til then and still have time to get dinner!” He sighs, knowing you were right. Now was not the right time to be testing the waters with Jeongguk and Namjoon.

“Okay, okay, you win, baby.”

It takes 45 minutes.

45 minutes and a free drink from the concession stand before your mind starts wandering.

You watch Seungcheol converse with Jeongguk behind the concession stand; his cute laugh sending you into orbit when your eyes meet and you can’t stop the thrums of lust pouring over your body when a certain idea pops into your head.

Seungcheol turns his attention back to the younger male and you quickly start to unlace your skates and put your normal shoes back on before Seungcheol’s entire break gets taken up. 

You walk up to the two; Seungcheol cleaning off his hands before he exits from behind the counter.

“Seungcheol…” You softly call out; a look of concern crossing his features when he stops in front of you. “Hey, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, mmhmm! I just--I need to talk to you, if that’s okay?” Jeongguk already turns to leave, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

You drag Seungcheol away, tugging him towards an even emptier part of the roller rink as the concern builds up inside of him. “I have an idea.” He feels himself gulp, already anticipating what you have to say.

“And…?”

“Well… It’s… It won’t t-take long I don’t think, just… hear me out?” You question gently, head tilting cutely up at Seungcheol who already knows he can’t say no to you. “Okay, shoot.”

“Wh--what if we… film a small POV v-video… like, not a live one! Just a small upload on my channel to test the waters maybe? I just---you don’t have to say anything and--and it’ll be quick, and--and like, nothing major just a little, um, f-fingering and--oh my god, sorry, I shouldn’t have a-asked, that’s just---I’m s-sorry I was thinking about it and it kinda got to me and I’m---I’m kinda already wet just thinking about it and--”

“No, let’s… let’s do it. To be fair, people seem to like risqué public things like that right?” A crimson blush falls on Seungcheol’s cheeks as he turns the tables, wrapping a hand around your wrist as he walks you to the employee restroom. “It’s… there shouldn’t be anyone in here so we should be safe.” He mutters, checking to make sure before he ushers you inside and locks the door behind him.

“I don’t know what to do so you’ll have to guide me a little here, baby.”

You nod, pulling your phone out and opening the camera app. Scrolling, you put it in video mode, clicking the red button before passing it to Seungcheol. “I’ve never done it either but I’m sure I can just… crop it and I m-mean it’s meant to be a little shoddy, right?” You giggle nervously, body already on fire when Seungcheol makes the camera face you. “You don’t have to say anything if you’re not comfortable with your voice being in the video, I just need… this.”

You reach for his free hand, playing with it as you run your fingertips across the veins. “I’m sorry, daddy… I just… I couldn’t help but think about your fingers inside my tight pussy...” Seungcheol almost loses his grip on your phone; palm clammy when he watches as you bring his hand underneath your short dress.

“Please… please, won’t daddy fuck me with his fingers? I promise I’ll be good for the rest of the day if he lets me cum on his fingers…” You whine.

Seungcheol isn’t ready to have his voice heard yet, so he nods, fingers twitching in your hold.

You take this as an okay to continue, dragging his hand up until his knuckles graze your panties. “O-oh, fuck…”

This time Seungcheol takes the lead; his own body ablaze when he can already feel your wetness soaking through your panties. He presses into it, digging his fingers into the wet material until it sticks to you like a second skin. “D-daddy, please, please, put them inside, I need it!!” You mewl, trying to keep your voice down as much as possible while still being audible enough on camera.

He shoots you a look; one that tells you to hike your dress up until your soaking panties are seen through the camera lens. And you easily follow, holding your dress up as Seungcheol drops to his knees, angling the camera upwards until only his fingers and your clothed pussy are in view. You spread your legs a little more, back resting on the wall behind you.

“Please, I can’t wait any longer…”

He gulps once, saying a prayer before he slowly pushes your panties to the side. And you all but lose any semblance of sanity the second he runs his fingertips through your wetness, pussy clenching around emptiness. “Fuck--fuck me, please!”

Once Seungcheol deems his fingers wet enough, his eyes meet yours, asking for silent consent before he makes any further moves. You nod frantically, fingers gripping the material of your dress tightly.

Seungcheol bites his lip the second he starts sinking his first finger into your tight warmth; already feeling the drool pooling in his mouth when you moan loudly. He starts a slow pace, mentally noting just how obscenely wet you are when he drags his finger out slowly. “Ngh, daddy m-more, please, I can take it, I wanna be f-full~” He gives it a few more thrusts of his index finger before he adds his middle finger; this time slowly sinking both digits into your pussy as you whimper above him.

His eyes flit up, mesmerized when he sees your face contort in bliss. “O-oh my god, I’m--I’m already so close… Daddy’s fingers are so much bigger and thicker than mine, it fuh--feels so good…” You mutter; squirming when Seungcheol doesn’t move.

And it takes him a second; too fixated on the way your tight walls only seem to suck his fingers in deeper.

But he starts a moderate pace, scissoring and curling his fingers inside of you until you’re reduced to whines and soft breathy moans.

He can already feel you getting tighter around his fingers after a few more minutes; doubling his pace when you start to beg.

“Oh my god, oh my god, ‘m so close, fuck! P-please touch my clit, daddy, please make m-me c--cum!”

Seungcheol feels his cock throbbing in his pants but he focuses on you, thumb immediately on your clit as he rubs harsh and quick circles on the swollen nub. He doesn’t know how much time has passed or if his break is over, but the look of absolute pleasure on your face is enough to make him not care.

He curls his fingers into your g-spot, holding them still as he continuously rubs your clit until you’re cumming; thighs shaking as you let out shaky breaths above him.

“Oh m-my god, daddy!” You mumble in a hurried frenzy, thighs clamping around his hand between your legs as the pleasure washes over you.

Seungcheol lets you ride out your high, gently wiggling his fingers inside of you as he starts to slow down.

“Mmh… Seungcheol…”

Oh fuck.

He definitely liked it when you moaned his name. 

“Y-yes…?” It’s his cue to turn off the camera, shaky finger pressing the ‘stop’ button. He gently slides his fingers out of you, muttering an apology when you wince.

“You don’t have to say sorry! It’s just… ‘m sensitive…” You mewl, already missing the feeling of his fingers inside of you. “Y-yeah, of course! I, um, I hope that was okay? I’ll give you a second to get cleaned up, I’ll uh, run and get you some water.”

You nod in response, thanking him before he quickly washes off his hands and bolts out of the restroom; ears and cheeks redder than a tomato.

Once you’re alone, you quickly open your camera roll, clicking on the video as you hurriedly crop out the beginning and end, making sure that the short video didn’t have any incriminating details before you open up your camming homepage.

There’s a moment of unsureness that makes you pause. You bite the inside of your cheek, weighing the potential outcomes of posting this to your page. 

But before you can change your mind, you quickly start the upload; adding a title and a short description before you lock your phone to let it process.

In the meantime, you get cleaned up, checking your appearance in the mirror once before picking up your phone again. Unlocking it, you find the upload has finished and you exhale sharply, publishing the video before locking the device again.

You move to exit the restroom, already finding Seungcheol holding a bottle of water on the other side.

“Oh, there you are! Everything okay?”

“Mmhmm! I uploaded the video before I could change my mind so I’m a little nervous…” You trail off, accepting the bottle that Seungcheol passes you.

“Well, the good news is, we’re bailing, now. I told ‘Guk to clock me out so we should get out of here so I can get your mind off of that.”

He shoots you a genuine smile, offering his hand which you take.

“Let’s fuckin’ get some ice cream, I think we deserve it.”

Seungcheol takes you on a scenic drive, taking you to an ice cream shop further away from town.

The two of you sit down in a booth towards the back of the shop and he helps clear your head, talking about various topics to keep your mind off of the huge risk you’d just taken.

“Anyway, that’s one of the reasons why I’m never bar-hopping with ‘Guk again. He’s got no limit, nobody can keep up and nobody wants to keep paying the uber fees.” You laugh as Seungcheol finishes his story, taking a sip of your milkshake.

You can’t help but sigh after a few seconds, pouting at Seungcheol who blinks questioningly at you. “‘Cheollie, I don’t wanna go home…” He stares back, unsure of what to say. A million different thoughts run through his mind in the split second before he opens his mouth.

“Why don’t you stay with me for a couple more days?”

Seungcheol doesn’t understand the gravity of his words until they spill out of his mouth; a panicked look on his face when you go completely silent in the seat across from him. “I m-mean, uh, I mean, like, fuck. I’m sorry, that must’ve been way too out of bounds. I just---it’s just, you don’t want to go home and---and I can take care of you while you’re here! Even if it’s just a couple days. I can help you film too!” He curses himself for rambling; immediately shutting himself up.

“I--I don’t want to bother you, ‘Cheol… That’s really too kind of you…” A shy blush coats your skin; chewing on your bottom lip when you shyly avoid his gaze. “A-and my filming stuff is back home too… I brought a few toys with me so I could film my weekend shows but--but my camera…”

“I can ask Jeongguk!”

You shoot him a bewildered look, brow quirking. “He--he streams sometimes too, like, video games ‘n shit. He actually offered me his extra equipment a while back, if I ever wanted to get into it myself. I can ask to borrow it, if you want?”

You drink in his words, unsure. The thought of staying with Cheol might’ve danced across your mind a handful of times, but now that the offer was on the table, you weren’t sure how to respond.

You trusted Seungcheol, and you knew by now that he would never do anything to hurt or betray you. But this was a far leap from how things were the last time you’d seen him.

“Listen, I can see the cogs in your head turning, baby. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I’m not forcing your hand into anything you don’t want. But I know you’ve been wanting to get out a ‘lil more and… well, in truth, I think it’d be nice for both of us? I can take care of you while you’re here with me and we can keep each other company.” He pauses, smiling at you from across the booth. “But I can also take you back to your hotel room and let you pack so you don’t get home too late.”

“‘Cheol I trust you.. It’s just that… I’m s-scared…”

“Scared? Of what, baby?”

The warmth blooms inside of you; shy eyes meeting his.

“Scared that I’m not gonna wanna go home…”

Seungcheol takes it easy for the rest of the day and doesn’t make an effort to get an answer out of you. He takes you around the city, tugging you into shops he thinks you’d like and walking around with you aimlessly until the sun goes down.

But time seems to go even faster once he takes you to dinner; a sigh on his lips when he knows he has to bring the topic back up.

“I hate to ask but… I have to take you back to your hotel after this so…” Seungcheol trails off, leaving it open-ended for you.

“I know… I just want to know… Why do you like me so much?”

The question takes Seungcheol by surprise; eyes wide as saucers. “I--I’m sorry I don’t follow?” You chuckle under your breath, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“It’s just… we were strangers, kind of, before Friday, you know what I mean? And now you’re offering your place to me to just… crash at for a few days? What if I rob you blind? Or what--what if you try something with me that I don’t like?” You suddenly start catastrophizing; mind going a mile a minute with potential outcomes.

“Hey, whoa, whoa, wait. Calm down, sweetheart. It’s okay! Breathe!” You let out a shaky exhale, groaning as you hide your face in your palms. “God, ‘Cheol, ‘m sorry, I--I really want to stay with you for a few days. It’s just that my brain is going light speed and I can’t keep up. I really like you too, you’ve been nothing but kind and sweet and you’re so handsome, it’s just so crazy to me...” Your words are slightly muffled but Seungcheol catches it, a soft chuckle on his lips when he leans his head on his palm.

“I’ll sleep on the sofa and leave you alone. You can take the bed. Hell, you can even rob me blind and I’d say thank you.”

He reaches his free hand over, fingers circling your wrist as he pulls your hand down. “And I’m offering you my place because I like you as you. You’re cute and funny, and so fuckin’ humble. And I want to get to know you better. In person, y’know?”

“Y-yeah… I wanna get to know you better too. And it’s only a couple days right?”

“Right.”

Seungcheol drives you back to your hotel, a smile on his face when he sees you in better spirits.

He parks his car in front, turning to face you. “So I’ll just wait here while you grab your things and check out, okay? I’ll contact ‘Guk to see if I can swing by and take that extra equipment he offered.”

This time you nod cheerily, body buzzing with excitement as you hurriedly step out of his car. “I’ll be quick!”

He gives it a moment before he picks his phone up, taking a deep breath before typing out a message to the younger male.

‘Hey, ‘Guk I have a favour. Get back to me asap if u can.’

Jeon 🥴 : bold of u to msg me…

Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features; fingers hovering over the keyboard. ‘What are you talking about?’

Jeongguk takes a second to send a screenshot, Seungcheol’s cheeks burning a crimson colour when he sees the content.

Jeon 🥴: it’s the employee restroom for me.

Jeon 🥴: bruh it’s also the fuckin way i knew it was u before i even played the video… fuck man is that why u too so long on ur break? u do kno u went over right, I clocked it cuz i was expecting u to come back sooner

Jeon 🥴: for the rec im not mad, actually im impressed just cant believe this is u

Seungcheol ignores Jeongguk’s messages, instead opening the screenshot again and re-reading the video title.

‘I was so needy… 🥺 so I asked daddy to finger me in public…’

Jeon 🥴: bitch i kno ur reading this im dropping the hyung bc u kept this from me!!

Jeon 🥴: after i even offered u my extra camming stuff u were already doing it behind my back…

Seungcheol rolls his eyes at the younger male’s dramatic nature, fingers quickly swiping across the keyboard.

‘Alright, I’m sorry okay? I just didn’t think my online habits needed to be public knowledge and for the record, that was the first time I’ve ever done anything like that. I promise no more secrets, unless absolutely necessary. And also speaking of that extra equipment, can I swing by and grab it from your place?’

Jeon 🥴: r u gonna cam now? u got one sip of the devils juice and now ur all in?

‘Would u stop being dramatic oh my god. It’s not for me, it’s for ‘cherry’. She’s going to be staying with me for a few days and I fully expect you to keep your mouth shut on this.’

Seungcheol grimaces when he calls you by your online handle; already feeling unfamiliar with it.

Jeon 🥴: o i c. sure, u can come pick it up, simp. I’ll make sure she’s got all the necessary things before u get here and u owe me one!! i fully expect u to come stream with me at least once for keeping ur secrets 

‘It’s a deal. I’ll be there in an hour and a half.’

A sigh escapes Seungcheol’s lips, his eyes dancing over to your figure that skips towards the car. He locks his phone just as you tap on the glass, popping the trunk before he steps out.

“How’d it go? All checked out?”

“Mmhmm! Did you get in contact with Jeongguk? What’d he say?”

A nervous laugh spills from his lips as he puts your small luggage in the trunk, slamming it shut before rounding the car to open your door. “I’ll help you get settled in at my place and then I’ll drive over really quick and grab the stuff from his place.”

You hop in his car, fiddling with the seatbelt until Seungcheol slides into the driver’s seat.

“He didn’t ask what you needed it for?” Gulp. Shit.

“I just told him that I was thinking about streaming, for--for gaming stuff. He was okay with it.”

He’d tell you the truth. Soon, he promises.

No. Now.

Seungcheol sighs, hands on the wheel as he stares straight ahead. “No, no, I--I can’t sit here and lie to you. Jeongguk knows you. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you earlier, I told him to keep his mouth shut because I didn’t want him to bother you while we were at the roller rink.”

“I--oh…”

He can only nod; eyes dancing over to you as you play with the hem of your dress. “Yeah, I--I’m really sorry. He--He also found out I was ‘dom.cheol’ too and, fuck, I--I don’t know, I kind of panicked too. I hid that part of me from everyone I know so it was just… it was a lot.”

You meet his sad eyes, shooting him a small smile of your own. “It’s okay! It’s a little funny that happens right after that ‘kitty_junjun’ says he saw me in person too, huh? I mean, thanks for trying to protect me at least. It must’ve been weird for you too.”

“Yeah… If you’re not comfortable anymore, I… I’d understand too.” Seungcheol prepares himself for the worst, knowing that there was a chance that this was goodbye.

“Are you kidding! What’s one person gonna do? And you said he’s your best friend and you trust him… I’ll have to take a leap of faith on that one but… I trust you.”

You lean over the center console, kissing him on the cheek. “And anyway, as long as he’s not one of those weirdos asking for ‘favours’, I think we’re in the clear, right?”

Seungcheol grimaces; as long as it’s from me and not you, he thinks.

[thexfridax]

Wynonna Earp Boss Hopes Syfy Finale Made You Feel 'All the Things' — Plus, Scoop on One Happy Wedding Accident

By Matt Webb Mitovich, tvline.com / April 9 2021, 8:02 PM PDT

The following contains spoilers from the Syfy finale of Wynonna Earp.

After four years of protecting Purgatory with her Peacemaker, Wynonna Earp got to quite literally ride off into the sunset. And she did so while straddling a motorcycle, with Doc Holliday seated behind her.

Mind you, the two almost didn’t wind up together. Following the simply beautiful “WayHaught” wedding, Doc (played by Tim Rozon) was determined to put Purgatory in Charlene’s rear view mirror and get to living life as “just a man,” and Wynonna (Melanie Scrofano) felt compelled to stay put as Purgatory’s protector. But with an empowering nudge from li’l sis Waverly (Dominique Provost-Chalkley), Wynonna caught up to her man and professed her love, after which they decided to travel light, for the first time in a long time, and pay their daughter Alice a visit in MIracles, Montana.

TVLine spoke with series creator Emily Andras about crafting this very fine finale, at least one “happy accident” that wound up stirring many emotions, and more.

TVLINE | The finale has just aired…. What emotions do you hope the fans are feeling at this moment?

Just head-to-toe body warmth, and love, and affection, and wistfulness…. And a little bit of bittersweetness. I feel like joy has to be paired with nostalgia, so I hope they’re feeling all the things. But hopefully not hungover!

TVLINE | At what point over the years did you ever envision Wynonna and Doc riding off into the sunset?

Ahhh! I almost never even let myself envision it, you know? It’s so funny — when you start doing a show, you have all sorts of ideas about what pairings are going to rise to the top, who’s going to end up with whom, and one of the joys of Earp is that so many different things have happened. But those two characters have certainly earned the chance to try to be happy, whatever that means to them. I never knew that I would be allowed to end such a romantic pairing with the woman driving the motorcycle and the guy on the back.

TVLINE | I’m watching that final sequence and it almost feels alien, seeing the two of them head off into what I think of as “the real world.” But I also found that viscerally exciting, to see so much ahead for them.

That’s so lovely, thank you for saying that. I feel like having the world ahead of them and being such an unusual couple, I would love to see what happens next for them. I’m sure there will be lots of crazy sex and crazy arguments and crazy laughter. So, godspeed! Godspeed.

TVLINE | When throwing a season-ending wedding, what is Emily Andras’ marching order? “Above all else, this wedding has to be…”?

It has to honor to all of the characters — and by that, I mean it has to try to find a moment for every special pairing on the show, not just WayHaught. I think it’s important to pay due respect to how far Waverly and Doc have come; she never gave up on him, she always saw a better man in him — and now he gets to be the best man! Nedley (Greg Lawson) and Nicole’s (Kat Barrell) relationship, that paternal/daughter bond is so special, so honoring that was very important.

And at the end of the day, I still think the real love affair of the show is the Earp sisters, so I ended to make sure that that was honored. I really love the parallel with the pilot, where Wynonna came into town against her will and was so hungry to leave but was forced to stay. And now you have Waverly secure enough in how their relationship has evolved, that she knows Wynonna deserves to leave again — because she’ll come back.

More than anything, it was about giving every character a moment of happiness. Even Jeremy (Varun Saranga) becoming deputy chief of Black Badge and maybe finding a new date…. It was all about finding everyone a moment of potential joy, after they’ve gone through so much after four seasons.

TVLINE | Talk about the decision to have empty guest chairs laid out with the names of those who are no longer with us or didn’t make it to the wedding.

That was such a happy accident. We were on-set, it was very much in the middle of the pandemic, and we knew we were going to have a limited number of people for the wedding. But then we put out chairs so you could understand where the aisle was, and they looked really empty. So my incredible director, Paolo Barzman, who also did the pilot, and my art director Trevor Smith, pitched this idea to me. I had sort of joked about, “Wouldn’t it be cool if you had the ghosts of characters past?” In the moment, they said, “What if we hung names on the chairs?” and it was just one of those goosebump moments, like, “That’s brilliant.” So then we have people writing up these cards, rushing them out, and it’s honestly one of my favorite things. Whenever I see that Dolls chair, I just can’t help but feel things.

TVLINE | But Mercedes (Dani Kind), to be clear, is still with us.

She’s just out, like, being her best vampire self. She’s out being an amazing vampire, yeah. I still have that spinoff if you want to help me sell that!

TVLINE | If anything caught me a bit off-guard, it was us getting a song from Rachel (played by Martina Ortiz-Luis).

The thing about Martina is that she is a phenomenal singer. She is the anthem singer for the Toronto Maple Leafs — so she’s quite a star here! — and she was on Pilipinas Got Talent back in the day…. It seemed like a waste to not have someone with such an exceptional voice perform! And what better song to lay over the necessary wedding montage than a WayHaught classic (Fleurie’s “Wildwood”), the song that was playing the first time WayHaught kissed. It’s a bit of an Easter egg for those hardcore WayHaughters!

TVLINE | I don’t think anyone would have ever felt like a “Dark Angel Waverly” detour was missing, if you hadn’t spent time on it the episode prior. Why did you feel it was important to go there during one of the final hours?

The truth of it is that honestly we’ve been balancing the spectre of whether we were going to have a Season 5 or not. When we started breaking Season 4 two years ago, we were looking down the barrel of about 24 episodes, so [when you get half that] you’re like, “What are we going to keep, and what are we going to pitch overboard? What can we live without learning about?” I would argue that this idea of Waverly having a darkness inside of her did have to be highlighted after four seasons. I completely agree that in a perfect world I could have done eight episodes of Dark Angel Waverly, exploring that and seeing it come to pass. But if we ever get more story, I don’t know if Waverly has complete control over that part of herself. I dont think it’s “gone.” If Nicole puts mayo instead of mustard on her sandwich, who knows what’s going to sprout out!

TVLINE | I mean, if only to see what other outfits Dark Waverly has.

As long as she keeps her thigh holster, she’s ready to go.

TVLINE | Looking back at these last few episodes, what are you most proud of?

‘m so proud of this cast. It’s so boring, but God, just to see them grow and thrive and shine…. performing comedy and emotion, seeing their commitment to the show, and the feelings…. It’s just been such a joy to see such an amazing group of people get their due. They really are that wonderful, off-screen as well.

I’m also pretty happy — in this day and age, and despite all the fights the show has been through — that if this is the end, I feel like that’s a pretty nice finale, a pretty good topper on the cake. I feel like the fans will feel like they went on a journey, and they left the characters in an interesting, good place. And look, that’s really rare in TV, to end your story the way you want. How can I be anything but grateful, at the end of the day?

TVLINE | When I was writing my tweet the other morning, I wanted to call it a “very fine finale,” but I worried you’d think I was saying it was only “fine.” But it was a very fine finale!

No, you have to keep me hungry! You get to challenge me, Matt. Listen, I just didn’t want to risk…. I’m the queen of 75 cliffhangers, but I feel like the fans have worked so hard for us, for so many years, that it was more important that they got closure, just in case. But there’s always another demon, there’s always another thing to trigger Dark Angel Waverly. There’s always more story, but at least you have this, no matter what.

TVLINE | And if some network or streamer does ride to the rescue, would there be something that brings Wynonna and Doc back to Purgatory? Or might a Season 5 be without the two of them?

Look, the show is called Wynonna Earp, so you need Wynonna Earp. She’s still the champion, she’s still got the magic gun and the best hair on the show — sorry, everyone else!

There are a couple of unresolved issues. We still have Eve, who we kicked out the the Garden very early in the season, and who can kind of shapeshift; she could take on the appearance of any one of our characters! That would certainly throw a wrench in the works in Purgatory. There are a million different reasons to bring Wynonna back, to help out her sister.

TVLINE | And lastly, was there anything you had to cut or just didn’t have room for, or any returning cast you couldn’t fit in?

Oh, tons. But look, you kind of hit the nail on the head earlier. I’m always striving to be better, and some stuff at the end felt a little rushed, with Dark Angel Waverly. I think if it hadn’t been a pandemic, there would have been more people at that wedding. I would have loved four more episodes to round the bend there. But look, that’s Wynonna Earp, man — perfectly imperfect! So that’s what we did, and what a ride it’s been. The ride of a lifetime for me.

[haemosexuality]

little nightmares/mostly six headcannons

-the kids almost never talk. like, they can, but every little noise can mean death and theyre just not used to it. their norm is communicating nonverbally and just going along with whatever the other is doing cause they trust each other. their speech is also kind of broken

-even when they do talk six is very quiet, mono does all the talking and six often just ignores his questions lol. shes not doing it to be rude tho, she never had that many human interactions much less conversations, she doesnt know how they work (ive seen a lot of ppl hc her as selectively mute and i like that but im not 100% sure how that works, i have to read more about it)

- the way i see the world of ln is that it's a world where who knows how many years ago it was normal, just like ours, but a bunch of different magical events/entities/forces started messing with it and it became how it is now. theres a lot of other weird places besides what we see in the game. and in the comics its kinda said that these magical things mess with your memories too, if you dont talk about them, you forget them

-we see in the game that six is kinda feral and behaves like an animal sometimes, so i headcannon that whatever magical thing happened to the place she's from, happened when she was very young. she spent most of her life alone, teaching herself how to live, and is not very socialized

-mono has way more like experience with socialization and human communities etc than six, only being really affected by the magic stuff for the last couple of years, but between the fading memories and time loop paradox thing, he doesnt remember any of it

-neither of them can write tho mono knows how to read

-six is very playfull and, when shes relaxed, loves playing pranks on mono. she also loves drawing

-this is kinda based on how players always make mono to be a uwu soft boy pacifist and six a genocidal blood thirsty monster, even tho on the game mono kills more people than six, but when six does something creepy mono is like "six, what the heck, youre terrible" while six is "???? wha???didnt you just kill 3 people 5 minutes ago????"

-six is like terrified of monos powers. this is kinda canon because after she pulls him out of the tv she does seem to be scared and pushes herself away from him, but still, i wanted to include it here bc i dont see many ppl talking about it. she mostly just ignores it tho cause she trusts him

-while the game itself only lasts a couple of hours i like to think mono and six actually travelled together for like 1 or 2 months and the game is just a tldr version of that, only rlly showing the important parts lmao. but they did a lot of walking climbing eating  sleeping bonding etc

[katniiss]

IM OBSESSED WITH THE WILDS YOU DONT UNDWRSTAND I HAVE REWATCHED IT LIKE 5 TIMES ALREADY could you please write like an angsty Toni and Shelby one

a reunion fic, set immediately after shelby gives leah The Note, tw for a lot of christianity...this was less angst but angst with a happy ending, hope that’s okay <3 thank you for asking me!!

READ ON AO3

i love you (ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?)

Shelby keeps her word.

She talks.

She reminisces on some of the worst days of her life for six hours; the men did not give her a window but they allow her to look at a clock with no numbers, and she does not lie. She tells the men some things, things about the island that they must already know, and plays the ditsy deluded teenage girl act for as much as its worth. She runs a hand over her bristles of hair a lot; she never realised quite how freeing it would be to cut her hair so impulsively, the weight off of her back like Christ finally dropping the cross.

Her nails are too long now; they gave her razors to shave her head but not nail clippers. She knows that she could claw their eyes out easily if she wanted. And she does want, in a greedy, all consuming way, to hurt them. Hurt them the way they hurt her, the way they will continue to hurt her. Jesus spent fourty days in the desert, but Shelby doesn’t know how long she’s been here. How long she’ll be trapped. She thinks of all the sermons her father used to give, about the Lord testing us, about original sin. Thou shalt not kill and all that. Shelby touches the space on her neck where her cross used to be — she does not know where they took it. Maybe they think she’ll strangle herself with it. Maybe they think she’ll strangle them with it. Maybe they just threw it away when they burnt the clothes she wore on the island in case of infection.

She tries to keep Toni out of the narrative as often as she can. Not that she’s ashamed; shame seems as fanciful a thing to her as safety. There are some things about the island that no one has to know, that no one deserves to know, that no one should know. The feel of Toni’s hand, the warmth of her mouth, the sounds she made beneath her. The sunlight reflecting in her eyes when Shelby kissed her; an angel in a sports jersey. The feel of the sand on her back.

Agent Young will not tell Shelby where he’s taking her to. She assumes, eyes fixed on the walls of dark wood, that it might be to another holding cell. Maybe they found out what she wrote to Leah and have decided she isn’t worth the hassle of keeping alive. Agent Young doesn’t grab her wrist roughly as the other guards do; she gently puts a hand on her back. She cannot remember her own father ever being so gentle. She almost finds herself relaxing before reminding herself that she is a prisoner here, and must always be on her guard. Her crutches squeak beneath her. If she ever gets out of here, she knows there probably won’t be anymore walking across stages in high heels at pageant shows.

“You can’t tell anyone I took you here, okay?” Agent Young mutters as he presses a series of numbers into a keypad. Shelby hears the all too familiar sound of a metal lock opening. “It was meant to be a surprise.”

“What the hell are you talking about—“

There’s no time for questions as the florescent bulbs above them flash. Let there be light.

“You cut your hair.”

Shelby would recognise Toni’s voice anywhere. She didn’t think she was capable of crying anymore. She moves closer to Toni, still unsteady on her crutches. “Yeah—I—long story, okay? Are they—what happened to you?”

“I could ask you the same question,” Toni counters. “Can I...can I hug you? I don’t want to hurt you more than they have.”

Shelby wipes her tired eyes with her shirt sleeve. She can practically feel her mother shiver somewhere. “C’mere, please.”

Toni wraps her arms around Shelby and Shelby has no note to give her, no secret to reveal, no paranoia to justify with Toni. All Shelby has is herself and her words.

“I missed you,” Toni whispers. “I didn’t...they wouldn’t say where you were. No matter how much I begged, and trust me, I don’t fucking beg. I wanted to find you, but they lock the doors when we aren’t in interview and I—”

“You don’t need to justify it. The Lord works in mysterious ways,” Shelby recites, glancing over at Agent Young as he nods coyly. “I missed you too. More than I’ve ever missed anyone.”

“Well then,” Agent Young speaks up. “You’ll both be happy to know that the higher ups have seen fit to let you room together. They think it might make you more cooperative or something. And I may or may not have put a good word in about how much you care for each other.”

Shelby looks over to the king sized bed in the middle of the room. “They won’t record us...doing stuff, will they?”

Agent Young shakes his head. “I’ve seen to that. I’m gonna be working a lot of nights at the security cameras to look after you girls.”

Toni smiles at her; she thousand whatt smile that she seems to reserve solely for the few people blessed enough to have her love. Shelby finds it impossible not to smile back.

“I’ll give you some alone time,” Agent Young says as he steps toward the door. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, okay kids?”

“Sure thing dad,” Toni replies but not with nearly as much sarcasm as the words imply. Shelby sees Agent Young grin in the reflection of the large mirror.

Toni kisses her first, this time, runs her hands over Shelby’s new hair, bites Shelby’s lip. Shelby matches her enthusiasm, runs her hands through Toni’s hair, puts her lying tongue in Toni’s mouth.

The worst has already happened, and worse may happen still, so for now Shelby allows herself to bask in the heaven that the world becomes when Toni is with her.