#I spent like an hour and a half trying to format this post as tumblr refused to let me attach pictures bc the post was 'too long' smh

[somewhereincairparavel]

Annabeth Chase and Jason Grace - two sides of the same coin, an analysis post.

after a long wait, I've finally posted my analysis on jason/annabeth being similar, and mirroring eachother as rivals/potential sibling figures more than percy/jason's 'bro rivalry', based on this post of mine which has crossed over a THOUSAND notes in the last week alone, and I've been getting so many reblogs and comments asking me to expand on my tags in that post and do a full analysis. so here it is. I've been procrastinating this for quite a while now for some reason but I'm glad I'm over my writer's block and I got to articulate my post well enough.

annabeth and jason have had very minor interactions throughout hoo, but the parallels and similarities in their character is jarringly noticeable, which is why I hoped for a jason/annabeth rivalry and not a percy/jason rivalry. they've both been raised at their respective camps since they were literal kids, they were well versed in their respective fields of knowledge, and were well respected/intimidated in their camps.

let's start off with the lost hero

when jason first meets annabeth, he says that her eyes were really intimidating and fierce, so right off the bat, we have jason who's pretty put off by annabeth because she very obviously looked angry, especially since she was frustrated about jason's arrival instead of percy, and looked like she could kill jason to get percy back.

-----------------------------------------------

this parallels to a lot when hazel kept going on about how difficult it was to warm up to jason because his eyes were always calculating and cold, and he gave off an untrustworthy vibe, that he'd sacrifice anyone for the sake of the mission.

both annabeth and jason have a certain similar ‘look’ in their eyes, which have nothing to do with the color. they both have the tendency to make people nervous simply with their eyes, because they always look like they're thinking of new things every few seconds. Ironically, jason first perceived annabeth, the way everyone else perceived him. scary and intimidating with an icy glare and hardened eyes.

They were both said to be ‘studying’ each other in distrust many times throughout. A part of why they didn't trust each other, was, in my opinion, because they embodied their least favorite shared personality trait of each other, secretiveness and guardedness. which is why annabeth got on so well with percy, and jason with leo/piper.

they didn't admire the closed off-ish vibe that they gave eachother. they both needed people who were open and carefree.annabeth said that jason looked like he knew too much information, but chose to keep it all a secret, very similar to her own guardedness from time to time, keeping it a secret and wanting to deal with it silently.

we also know that annabeth and jason are extremely knowledgeable in greek/roman mythology, they both love debates and were quite passionate about history. they were both assigned architecture projects by the gods themselves as a mark of honor and favour.

moving on to the next most important point, they reminded eachother of the people they missed, causing them to feel resentful.

jason, barely met his sister after they reunited. he was bitter when thalia said he had to go look for percy to help out annabeth with the search. he was aware that thalia and annabeth were childhood friends, getting closer to eachother than jason and thalia ever did. she found a home in luke and annabeth, not even a few months after baby jason was thought to be ‘dead’, that knowledge would've weighed a lot on jason. annabeth became the sibling to thalia grace that jason could never be.

while annabeth? the only thing annabeth thought of, after jason had a face off with his mother's remnant in boo, was the fact that jason, who looks eerily similar to luke, could've experienced the exact same fate as him. luke was jason if he had more wrath and held grudges, jason was luke if he had less anger and resentment. annabeth could connect the dots so easily, and that was truly the moment where she gained immense respect for him.

and, when jason told annabeth that his sister was thalia? she had a very odd sort of expression on her face.

annabeth also quotes that looking at jason made her feel bitter, because he reminded her of heras exchange, and the fact that she lost percy for months. whenever she looked at jason, she would only see her two childhood friends, a found family that was broken, and a love that was challenged.

whenever jason looked at annabeth, he would be reminded that thalia had a closer contact to her than she did jason, and had to accept that he would never know thalia as much as annabeth does.

annabeth and jason also appear very confident and sure of themselves, but have second thoughts all the time. they had to put on a fake facade, to live up to their expectations and lineage.

they were both also sort of people pleasers, annabeth couldn't really say no to anyone who asked her for help with things, like carrying the sky for luke especially, because not only where they giving her a chance to execute her knowledge and skill, the thought of helping someone made her genuinely happy. jason also loved seeing people happy, always wanting to say the right thing to satisfy someone, even if it meant he had to sacrifice his own struggles to help them.

fatal flaws:

annabeth’s fatal flaw, is hubris. when you are confident and sure that you can do something, and have a sense of excessive self pride.

and jason's fatal flaw is the temptation to deliberate. hesitation and second guessing, to put it in simpler words.both fatal flaws are so different, yet so similar, and they have both flaws, just in a different viewpoint.

as a child of athena, annabeth appears super confident and even conceding at times because of her wisdom, but at the same time, annabeth had to make sure she was one step ahead of everyone. she had to rethink everything and had to have a plan in her mind all the time, fearing that things wouldn't go smoothly.

she had to hesitate and second guess herself alot, despite her knowledge, like she did when she knew she had to look for the mark of athena. piper and percy had to boost up her confidence with affirmations, to let her know she's on the right path and to just follow her gut. annabeth feels obligated to have a temptation to deliberate, because, as a child of athena, she has to be all knowing and wise, and most definitely cannot fail her mother.

and jason? despite having a very low sense of self esteem and hesitation, he was so used to leading the people who were considered slightly inferior to him in camp jupiter, and basically getting treated like a celebrity for 12 years of his life in camp jupiter, that often, he thought what he did was right, he had his own perception of what a hero should be, and I quote

[“No, no,” Jason said. “I made my choice. You’re not to blame. You don’t owe me anything except to remember what I said. Remember what’s important.” “You’re important,” I said. “Your life!”Jason tilted his head. “I mean… sure. But if a hero isn’t ready to lose everything for a greater cause, is that person really a hero?”He weighted the word person subtly, as if to stress it could mean a human, a faun, a dryad, a griffin, a pandos… even a god”- Tower of Nero]

which was normal, since he had everyone basically following his lead without question as a kid. he's expanded on this in his conversation with piper in mark of athena, where he said he felt weird to suddenly be around people who were either equal/or superior to him in power, and not being in the ‘lead’ particularly.

jason had hubris, but certainly not in a way that you would call it an ego or excessive pride. he was hardwired and brainwashed into having his own perception of what is right and what is wrong, that he thought he was always making good enough decisions, at least from a roman child soldier’s standpoint. [Like when he was okay with not saving nico because it might sabotage their mission, he genuinely didn't think what he said was insensitive until hazel called him out, because he was brought up that way. he thought he was doing the right thing, by prioritising the mission and the duty, first. Like the dutiful roman he was made to be].

both annabeth and jason, have hubris and a temptation to deliberate.

annabeth and jason, also had an extremely difficult time breaking free from the thoughts that their godly parents were always right. It took on alot of disappointments for both of them to stand up to their parents (and not just godly ones, mind you)

they've both had disappointing absent mortal and godly parents with a hostile stepmother involved and monitored with each and every one of their moves. annabeth has had to deal with her stepmother playing the ‘bad cop’ with her father not even coming to her defence, just the way hera came butting into jason's life and giving him terrible memories, taking him away from thalia, with zeus not even caring.

speaking of which, they are both the only demigods who have harboured the most amount of resentment for hera. just the sight of hera pisses them both off, as it hera, stripped off so much time away from annabeth and percy, and memories from jason, which he never permanently got back.

this is sort of irrelevant but I'll add this anyway, in boo, athena also immediately liked jason for calling out zeus's unfairness to apollo, saying something like 'the boy is right' and she gave him an approving/appreciative look for his wisdom, which is pretty rare for athena to say or do to literally any demigod ever. this makes me wonder if she ever saw jason as someone who had some sort of athena legacy in him, which is why she was so pleasantly surprised with him. ugh we could've so gotten jason and annabeth as potential sibling figures bc of how many parallels they have, too bad that the percy/jason rivalry narrative was pushed too hard.

I hope I've drawn enough parallels with their characters, as a lot of you have been looking forward to this post for a while, hopefully this analysis hasnt been underwhelming for you all to read!

@thevoidcaller @karmaajr @onestorytorulethemall @newlyfoundwren @thesummerstorms

[annabelle--cane]

it's fascinating to me the way that different social media platforms result in different types of fandom behavior. while s5 of tma was airing, I spent a good amount of time on tma tiktok (I log back in about once every two months now, going back to in-person school after a year a half of lockdown seem to re-blanace my brain and made me once again not really enjoy the format) while still using tumblr as my main socmed, and while there was a lot of overlap in the fan culture, some things were notably different.

tumblr tma fans had near-encyclopedic knowledge of the source material, but it was kind of an ongoing joke for tiktok tma fans that everyone binged the whole show in a week-long fugue state and lost memory of about 35% of it. tumblr has virtually no character limit and allows posts to be passed around by users indefinitely, which lends itself to fairly in-depth meta analysis being made and shared until most any fan could say "the time and space discrepancies at hill top road? psh yeah, I know all about them, I've read seven scrupulously cited posts that lay out all the details." for the entire time that s5 was airing, tiktok videos could still only be a minute long, and I know from a lot of personal effort that there's only so much you can fit into a one minute script that you also have to memorize and record (and cc manually with tiktok text stickers, as they didn't add the caption feature until april 2021) if you want the process to take less than four hours of your one mortal human life. and then you only see the video if your following or fyp algorithm shows it to you. there were a few tma meta-ish videos that got popular because other people would make their own videos referencing them and tag the account so their followers could see what they were talking about, but it's much harder to circulate content you like there. several times I saw people post videos saying "I got into cosplay to film some [agnes or annabelle or gerry or another secondary character] and I just realized I have no idea what their deal actually is 💀".

a thing that tiktok tma fandom was definitely better at than tumblr tma fandom was accurately remembering certain pieces of characterization and the flow of certain scenes. I've seen a bunch of posts on here where someone is trying to argue a point with excerpts from the text ("x character is nicer than you all give them credit for" "x character is so mean to y character in this scene" "z theory can't be true because y character said a line that disproves it") where the argument only holds up because the poster has gotten these excerpts from a transcript dive and hasn't listened to the episodes they're from recently, because while the text alone can be construed to mean one thing, the way it's delivered on-podcast clearly intends another. tiktok, being an audio and video based medium, allows audio clips to be shared around a lot, and cosplayers would often all make videos acting along to the same show clips of juicy interpersonal drama, and so tiktok fans, though they may have had less overall memory of what characters said, always had a better grasp on how they said it. an average tiktok tma fan might not have remembered melanie's subplot about war ghosts, but they would know the nuances of how the way she talks to jon changes between mag 28 and mag 155.

[crazylittlejester]

Got slammed into a fatigue wall so I'm lying in bed and thinking again. :>

I spent a few hours yesterday translating a Skyward Sword fic from English (American) to Portuguese (Brazilian) and I think it turned out okay. (It's probably also half the reason I'm so drained right now but I'm ignoring that.) I swear I have a point I'm trying to make, but it's going to take a few roundabouts to get there.

I've been doing Fic Rec Friday, and I think people like it. I like it, anyway. I've got way too many bookmarks and people keep writing new things, and I think it's fun to look through what I've read during the past month or so and pick something to showcase for the week. I've got a format figured out after a little bit of trial and error and I'm happy with it.

Back to translating. I'm not very good at it because I'm still learning. I haven't taken composition class yet, which is a whole other side tangent, so I'll stop there. But the point is I'm wondering if maybe I should post the links to what I've translated here in a similar format to how I've been posting Fic Rec Friday. I highly doubt many people would read them since there's like... 5 LU fics in total if you put the French and Spanish translations together. And I'm also self-conscious because I'm practically glued to my ENG-POR dictionary at this point. But it's a thought.

Which sort of leads to my next thought being whether or not I should go back to posting the fics I've written here or not. I was posting the Whumptober fics during October but I stopped doing that once the event ended even though I'm still chugging through. I'm definitely doing something to celebrate getting to the end once I finish.

All that to say, I'm not 100% sure what I want to do. I know I want to organize things again (the brain demands it), I'm just not sure if people mind seeing my Ao3 posts of dubious quality. I have more confidence in other people than I do myself, I guess.

Either way, don't feel like you have to give me advice, I just wanted to get my thoughts out there on the topic in case someone else was thinking about the same things. You're always really kind and empathetic and willing to listen to literally anything, too.

PS: I am planning to work on an EAH & LU crossover AU thing once I get myself together.

Okay first of all it’s really cool that ur translating fics. That sounds like a lot of work, but it’s so cool and like damn, good for you dude that’s awesome

Second: I LOVE UR FIC REC FRIDAY, i think we as a fandom should recommend more fics, i love when people share stuff they like and ive found a lot of awesome stuff that way! Plus it’s always fun to talk to people about really good fics :)

If you do decide to post ur fics on here that’d be really cool, I dunno if you mean like whole fics or just ao3 links or a combo of both, but i think that’d be nice to see em. I love opening tumblr and seeing people share their writing, and even if i cant read it right then, i almost always save it to come back to later :)

I’ll always listen to anything people say, and while I may not be the greatest at giving advice, i’ll try my best!! and if anyone else has any thoughts on this im sure they’ll leave a comment of some sorts

(i look forward to the au whenever you get around to it!!)

[desertno3]

everything comes back to you (sean wallace x fem!reader)

Sean Wallace is the love of your life and had been ever since you were both sixteen. This is why, in the aftermath of his father’s murder, you do everything you can to make sure no one lays a hand him.

5.4k words.

A/N: To think this all came from me watching this scene of Joe from Volume (2012) and thought… I need to write about bb Sean. There’s also this post which is mostly what was in my head when I wrote this. Also, I was going to say Sean being soft around the people he loves is my own personal headcanon but like… it is actual canon, lmao. It’s so easy to forget because the man is cold most of the time. Anyway, I clearly have too many thoughts about this character. Enjoy. (also formatting on tumblr is shit so if you want to read this with the formatting I intended, head over here to AO3)

prologue.

“What the hell are you up to?” Sean demands as he watches you bustle around your shared bedroom, effectively turning it upside down as you stuff your belongings into a travel bag.

“Business,” You say, hardly pausing to look at him.

“Business?” He scoffs like he doesn’t believe you. You don’t blame him. Finn died mere days ago and every day since then you’d been acting strange. Between consoling Sean and helping the Wallace family with the funeral arrangements, you’d been answering calls at random hours of the day and going off to meetings even though nearly all business operations under the Wallace Corporation had been halted. Sean had been too caught up in everything to question it but now that you’d just told him that you were flying off to god knows where for alleged business, he was suspicious.

“You know something, don’t you?”

You don’t reply.

“Tell me.”

When you remain silent, you see his jaw clench in anger but that’s not what makes your heart squeeze painfully in your chest. What gets to you is the hurt you can see in his eyes, hurt that his fiancé of all people is keeping things from him. You know it’s unfair to be doing this to him right now but you had no choice.

You walk up to him, taking his face in your hands.

“You just have to trust me on this, Sean,” You say softly. “Please.”

“I can’t trust anyone right now, y/n.” He says it like a plea. He needs you to be the one person he can trust one hundred percent, wants to be able to put you apart from the rest of the world who seemingly had it out for his family right now. He can’t do that when you’re acting like this.

The statement doesn’t hurt you in the slightest. You understand where he’s coming from, understand why he can’t even trust you, but still, you wish he did.

“You can always trust me,” You tell him but you know it won’t be enough. That’s confirmed when his gaze goes steely and he pries your hands from his cheeks.

“If you step out that door, don’t bother coming home.”

You step back like you’d been burned by the ultimatum. “Sean, don’t-”

He shakes his head.

“Whatever you’re doing, I hope it’s worth it.”

_________________________________________________

one.

“It’s just so annoying, you know?” You huff, falling back onto Sean’s bed and pressing the heels of your palms into your eyelids. You’re sixteen and in the throes of teen angst, irritated by the confines of your parents’ demands regarding what you currently could and couldn’t do at that age.

“Yeah, I know,” Sean replies in solidarity from where he stands near the window.

You let out a sigh, the anger that was bubbling in your chest starting to dissipate now that you’d finished venting about it.

You’re so lost in your own thoughts that you don’t realise Sean has moved from his spot across the room to the bed beside you. The mattress dips a little as he sits and slowly lies back so he’s parallel to you.

You move your hands away from your eyes and your heart jolts when you crane your neck to look at him and realise how close he is.

“Thanks for listening to my ranting,” You murmur, starting to feel guilty that you’d come over to hang out only for it to end up being just him listening to your tirade.

He lets out a small chuckle. “Anytime.”

You smile gratefully, your heart rate accelerating as you continue to stare into his eyes. God, you like him so much. You have for a while now. As he inches closer, and you don’t know whether it’s deliberate on his part or not, you wonder what it would be like if you just kissed him right there.

“Y/n…” He says hesitantly, his gaze flicking down to your lips for a fraction of a second. “Can I-”

“Ooooh, Sean and y/n,” Billy sing-songs obnoxiously from the doorway - the doorway that both you and Sean had forgotten was wide open.

Sean leaps up from the bed and growls at his brother, who continues to tease him unfazed.

“Fuck off, Billy!”

He slams the door shut and everything descends into silence once more. You sit up and watch as Sean remains at the door, his shoulders tense. You get up and make your way over to him, feeling bolder than you ever have in your life.

“Sean,” You say softly, grabbing his attention.

He turns to you, the look in his eyes hesitant, and you use that opportunity to press your lips to his. You pull away just as quickly, gauging his reaction, but then he pulls you towards him again and this time the kiss is deeper, needier. Your hands steady yourself against his chest as his own move up to cup your jaw.

You’re both breathless when you pull away, sporting matching shy smiles as you look at each other.

“I really like you, y/n,” Sean confesses and your heart feels like it could burst.

“I really like you, too, Sean.”

~

When you and Sean get accepted into different universities, it worries you more than you let on. It would be the furthest away you’d ever lived from him and you were worried about what that meant for you both. You’d spent your last years of high school falling deeper and deeper in love with him and you weren’t ready to let him go. Not now, not ever.

“Hey,” He murmurs, noticing you’d spaced out again. “What’s wrong?”

You shrug it off but he’s not buying it. He shifts on the couch so that he’s sitting facing you and takes your hands in his.

"Talk to me.”

You end up telling him everything. How you don’t like that you’re not going to be able to see him as often as you do now, how you’re worried that the distance might put a strain on the relationship, how you really, really don’t like the idea of breaking up with him.

You half expect him to brush it off or to tell you that you’ve got nothing to worry about but he doesn’t.

“I don’t like it either,” He admits. “It’s going to be awful being so far away from you but it’s only a couple of years, yeah? We can do that. And then I’ll start working for my dad and you’ll start working for some cool startup and we can move into a flat in London. You and me.”

While your boyfriend’s vision of your future together warms your heart, you’re still hung up on the ‘couple of years’ you were going to be a good distance from each other.

“Babe,” He says, bringing your attention back to him. “We’re going to be okay.”

You nod, finally relenting and agreeing with him. There was no point in letting yourself get eaten alive with worry, not when he clearly loved you just as much as you loved him. It was going to be okay.

“I love you,” You tell him and he smiles, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand.

“I love you too.”

~

Sean’s vision of the future wasn’t too far off. You manage to secure a flat just before you both graduate and by the end of the summer, you’d moved in. Sean starts working immediately alongside Alex at the Wallace Corporation and you spend about eight months working for a new tech startup on the other side of London before Finn Wallace offers you a job. It goes over with Sean just as well as you expected it would - which was not well at all.

“Are you really going to throw away everything you’ve worked hard for? To be my dad’s fucking assistant?”

You sigh in exasperation. “I’m not throwing away anything, Sean! Do you think I’m that stupid? I’m going to use more of what I learned at uni as Finn’s assistant than I am now at that fucking sad excuse for startup and you know it!”

Sean knows you’re miserable where you currently work so you don’t know why he’s so against this.

“You don’t want me working with you, is that it?”

He sighs, palms pressing against his eyelids in frustration.

“No,” He says eventually. “No, it’s not that. It’s just… I don’t want my dad having a hold on the both of us. You’re supposed to be free from all the Wallace Corporation shit, out doing your own thing.”

Oh.

You step towards him and he instinctively wraps his arms around your waist. You press a light kiss to his lips, your fingers ghosting over the facial hair he had recently started sporting.

“Sorry to tell you this, Sean, but your dad’s had a hold on the both of us the moment we started dating. Maybe even before that. I’m sure if he didn’t approve of me, I would’ve been out of your life a long time ago.”

Sean grumbles at the realisation but he knows it's true.

You lovingly run your thumb over his cheek. "Nothing in London is out of Finn Wallace's reach."

You’re not a fool. You know Finn offered you this job for a very specific reason. If you were going to continue being with Sean, and at this point, everyone knew that was absolutely going to be the case, you were going to have to know how the company worked. And you weren’t against it. If Sean was to be the CEO one day, you refused to be the kind of wife who was oblivious to their husband’s dealings.

~

Gone is the youthful innocence of the lanky boy you fell in love with when you were sixteen. Sean is filled out and a lot more serious, trying to be more than what he is for his father’s sake. You suppose you're the same, too. It's not easy, being primed to eventually take over a multi-million dollar organisation (connected to an insidious underground one to boot) and Finn put just as much pressure on you as he did his son.

“It’s not my blood,” You mumble when Sean walks into the bathroom to find you soaking in the tub, the water around you a deep red. “Mostly.”

Wordlessly, he comes over and drains it before filling it back up with fresh water. You don’t move as he does so, still shaken and borderline catatonic from having just killed somebody for the first time. Sean doesn’t have to ask, he can just tell that’s what you’ve come back from. As he silently washes the blood from your skin, you look over to see his lips set in a tight line. You know he’s mad. Not at you. At his father, maybe. But there’s nothing he can do now. There’s no going back from this.

~

Everyone thinks you’re the power couple of the Wallace Corporation, steely and unfeeling, and you suppose in many ways you are but you also know that in other ways, you’re still the teenagers you were before, still completely and utterly smitten with one another.

“Hey,” Sean greets you, kissing your cheek before pulling out a chair and sitting beside you in the empty boardroom.

You look at him in surprise as he starts digging into some pre-packaged salad. “Hi. What are you doing?”

“Thought I’d have lunch with you.”

“It’s three in the afternoon.”

“The meeting ran overtime.”

You give him a sympathetic look and he rolls his eyes. “It’s fine. C’mere.”

You shuffle closer to him and let him tuck you under one arm while he forked salad into his mouth with the other.

“What have you been up to, hm?”

You let out an exhale, resting your head against his shoulder. “Meetings, same as you.”

You’re interrupted when Alex pops his head in with an apologetic look on his face, knowing he was disrupting a rare moment between you and Sean. Usually, the both of you would be so busy you’d only see each other in passing at work.

“Finn’s looking for you, y/n,” He tells you before disappearing again.

You sigh, getting up but not before kissing Sean on the cheek.

“I’ll see you at home.”

“Mm, see you.” He mumbles, swallowing his mouthful of salad before his hand shoots out to grab your wrist. “Wait, give me a proper kiss.”

You smile and comply, laughing when Sean pulls you back in for another and another.

“I have to go, Sean!”

“Alright, alright,” He says, letting you go. “I’ll see you later.”

~

"What's all this?" Sean asks when he comes home one night to find you in the kitchen looking like you’re in the middle of making a more elaborate dinner than usual.

"Just something to celebrate you finishing up that contract," You say, smiling when his arms circle your waist and his lips press a kiss to your cheek. "I was also thinking now that the contract's done, you've got all the time in the world to fuck me."

You all but squeal when he picks you up and carries you to the bedroom without a second thought.

"The food, Sean!"

"The food can wait," He murmurs, dropping you onto the bed. You giggle when he moves to hover above you, his lips brushing against yours. "I've got to take care of my fiancé first."

~

It’s those memories of your relationship with Sean that flood your mind as you lean against the brick wall of a Soho back alley, the hand pressing against the wound on your side not doing much to stop the blood seeping from your body faster than you would like.

Dread had filled you the moment you heard about Finn’s death and it had less to do with what happened to him and everything to do with the man you were engaged to, the one who was set to take over the company in his father’s wake. Despite Sean being the clear successor to the business, you knew Finn’s death would still leave a power vacuum in both London’s corporate and criminal worlds. You knew people would be out for Sean, trying to off him so that they could step up and take Finn’s place. And so, since the day Finn had died, you’d done everything you could to ensure Sean wouldn’t be harmed. Even after Sean’s heartbreaking ultimatum, you’d left and had been all over the country and London trying to stop the people that needed to be stopped. This last job you’d just carried out would have been it. It would have sealed the deal and would have kept Sean safe for good. Too bad you were probably going to die because of it.

You wince as your back slides further down the wall, your legs giving out and leaving you to drop unceremoniously onto the concrete. Each inhale felt like a billion knives entering your side and you knew you weren’t going to last much longer.

It was worth it, you think to yourself. It’s the last thought you have before your eyelids get too heavy to keep open, Sean’s last words to you echoing back in your mind. It may have cost you your life but was worth it if it meant you’d just ensured Sean would keep his for a long while.

_________________________________________________

two.

Despite the number of people crammed into your hospital room, the only sound to be heard is the steady beeping of the machines that had been attached to you. It had been a hell of a night for all of them and one that wasn’t over yet. Jacqueline’s frantic call to Sean about seeing you get wheeled into emergency surgery had cut short the tense discussion the Wallaces and Dumanis were having around the dining table. Sean had all but sped to the hospital, everyone else trailing behind him. Despite everything that had just been revealed to him that night, it all became secondary in comparison to the fact that Jacqueline had told him you were practically dying.

Everyone but Sean looks up when Ed steps back into the room, shoving his phone into his pocket.

“That was Jevan,” Ed announces to all of them. “Things have changed.”

“What things?” Marian asks, the tone in her voice still bitter. It’s a wonder neither she nor Sean have kicked the Dumanis out of the room but it was because there was still so much to be discussed - especially now that you were back in the picture and what happened to you remained unclear.

“The investors now want to keep Sean alive.”

A silence settles over the room at Ed’s revelation. It was mere hours ago that Alex had revealed it was the investors who wanted Sean dead.

“She knew,” Sean mutters, finally speaking up. His eyes raking over your nearly-lifeless face as you lay unconscious on the hospital bed and his mind thinks back to the last conversation he had with you. Business, you had told him then. Now, he had no doubt you had something to do with the investors’ most recent decision. “She knew they wanted me dead.”

“How?” It’s Alex who asks, vocalising the same thought Sean had been turning over and over in his mind. “How did she know where to find them? Who to talk to?”

No one has an answer. The machines beep steadily, filling in the silence until Ed sighs, a realisation dawning on him.

“Finn,” He states like that alone makes the answer clear. “She would’ve known through Finn. Think about it. When she was his assistant, he made her go with him to nearly every meeting he had.”

Everyone in the room was aware of the latter, of course. It was part of your job. It had even been a point of contention between Sean and his father at one point, why you were let in on meetings that he should’ve been in on too if he was going to take over the company one day. "She’s just there to make the coffee, son," Finn had laughed but that wasn’t true in the slightest. You were the one who took down the minutes, noted down anything of importance, kept tabs on any and all of Finn’s dealings with everybody. That was your job and through it, you ended up knowing more about the business than anyone else and you didn’t even realise it. You didn’t realise just how much you knew, how much knowledge you could use as leverage, as blackmail, until Sean’s life was on the line.

After Finn died, you did wonder whether he knew what he was setting you up for when he hired you, wondered if he always knew Sean would eventually need protecting and knew that you would do it without hesitation if you had the capability to do so.

It’s Ed, here in the hospital room, who comes to the realisation that he absolutely did.

“She knows more about Finn’s dealings with the investors than all of us in this room combined,” He continues. “Because he never actually needed her to be his assistant. He needed her to be someone who would know how to talk to them. To protect the company and its successor from them if need be.”

“Successor?” Marian asks. “You mean Sean?”

Ed nods and everyone jumps as Sean suddenly throws his fist against the bedside table in anger before whirling on the older man.

“You knew about this,” He seethes. “You knew he was doing this and you just let it happen.”

“I didn’t know this was his reasoning behind it, Sean, I promise you. But it makes sense. As his son, protecting you was a priority. Through her, Finn made sure you’d be kept safe.”

"Fuck that.” Sean spits in anger. “Fuck that. She's a priority too. You hear me? She needs to be kept safe too because if she's not alive I may as well be fucking dead."

_________________________________________________

three.

“I should’ve fucking realised that’s what she was up to. I should’ve fucking known,” Sean mutters as he looks at you, still lying there unconscious. “She risked everything for me.”

“Are you surprised?” Marian asks him. It’s just the two of them in the room now.

She, for one, isn’t surprised in the slightest. Having known you most of your life, she knew you had it in you. Maybe Finn saw that too, since it was what he ended up priming you for.

Sean sighs. He’s not surprised either. What he mostly feels is anger - at his late father for putting you in that position to begin with - and shame. He’s ashamed that while you were bending over backwards to try and keep him alive, he was doing fuck all for you. He'd even broken your fucking heart in the process. He’d regretted it the second you’d left the flat but he couldn’t get into contact with you afterwards. Either you’d changed your number or you weren’t answering his calls. He’d even hired a fucking private investigator to find out where you’d gone and what you were up to but they hadn’t come back with anything solid enough that could lead him to you. It was like you’d disappeared off the face of the earth.

"She paid you off,” Sean says bluntly the moment the PI enters the hospital room. It’s not a question. After everything that had surfaced in the last twenty-four hours, it clicked into Sean’s mind the reason the private investigator couldn’t find anything on you.

"She did,” They confirm.

Sean swears under his breath. He curses that fact that you were too good at this and curses the fact that it was probably Finn that taught you how, the same way Finn taught him. He should’ve fought harder to stop you from accepting his dad’s job offer. All those years ago.

“She paid me off,” The PI says. "But that doesn’t mean I didn't do my job."

Sean is handed a folder full of notes on your movements and a flash drive full of photos they’d snapped from a distance.

"You are a very lucky man, Sean Wallace. To have someone like her in your life."

_________________________________________________

four.

To say you’re surprised when you open your eyes to a sterile hospital room is an understatement. You were so sure you had no chance of getting out of that alley alive. Still groggy, you briefly wonder if it was the investors who managed to get you here in time - the strange puppet masters that they were - but your train of thought is halted when you realise Sean’s sister is in the room with you, sitting beside your hospital bed.

“About time you woke up,” Jacqueline says softly, a kind smile on her face. “How’re you feeling?”

Her question brings your attention to the relentless ache you feel all over your body.

“Like shit.”

She hums. “Well, you’re lucky you aren’t dead. You gave us all a scare getting wheeled in here the way you did.”

You shift a little, trying to get yourself in a position that would ease the pain somewhat. “How’s Sean?”

Jacqueline has to stop herself from rolling her eyes because of course that’s what’s on your mind right now. You coming back from the verge of death asking about Sean ran in a similar vein to the way Sean had been adamant about not leaving the hospital since you’d been admitted. Like two peas in a pod, she thinks. Always have been.

“He’s just out in the hall, actually,” She informs you. “On the phone to mum. He’s not going to be pleased he wasn’t here when you woke up.”

“But he’s okay?” You ask her.

“He’s okay.”

You let out the breath you didn’t realise you were holding, your head sinking further into the pillow.

“Good,” You say, shutting your eyes in relief. “That’s good.”

Only a few seconds pass before you hear the door open and shut and a heart-achingly familiar voice break the silence.

“How is she?”

Again, Jacqueline has to keep herself from rolling her eyes. Her brother would always ask that same question every time he returned to the room, no matter if he was gone for an hour or for just a couple of minutes. At least this time, she was glad to give him an answer other than ‘she’s the same as she was when you left’.

“She’s awake.”

Your eyelids flutter open and your heart jumps when your gaze lands on Sean.

“I’ll leave you both to it,” Jacqueline smiles when she looks between her brother and yourself. She comes over and rests her hand on yours. “I’m really glad you’re alive, y/n.”

You give her a grateful smile and watch her leave before your eyes flicker back to the man standing at the door. He looks healthy, you note to yourself. Exhausted, but healthy.

“Sean,” You whisper, breaking the silence.

“Hey,” He says softly, approaching your bedside. You slowly sit up and tears start to pool in your eyes at the sight of him here, so close to you. Safe and alive. He notices and reaches out to wipe away the stray tears that had rolled down your cheeks.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” He murmurs and you have to hold back a sob.

"I did it for you, Sean," You can barely get the sentence out, your voice catching as you start to get choked up by emotion. "Everything I did-"

"I know," He says, cupping your face tenderly. His eyes are glassy too. "I know."

“I couldn’t let them hurt you. I couldn’t-”

You stop as your tears start to flow uncontrollably. You’d kept so much of your emotions at bay as you dealt with everything and now that it was all done, they were spilling over in waves. He gently pulls you into his embrace as you cry, mindful of your injuries. One hand strokes your hair comfortingly as you cling to him, soaking the front of his shirt with your tears. You keep muttering apologies into his chest and he has to tell you to stop because you have nothing to be sorry for. He should be the one apologising, he thinks. No matter what he does for you for the rest of his life nothing would come close enough in magnitude to what you’d just done for him.

You sniffle as your sobs finally start to subside but you don’t let go of him just yet.

“I want to come home, Sean,” You say quietly, your cheek still pressed against his chest.

“You are home,” He assures you, his arms affectionately squeezing you ever so slightly. "You're here with me. You're already home."

_________________________________________________

epilogue.

Sean barely leaves your side while you recover - not for business, not for anything.

“The company needs you, Sean.”

He shakes his head. “Alex has it covered. You need me.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Believe me, I know. But still. In sickness and in health, right?”

You snort. “We’re not married yet.”

His arms wrap around your waist.

“But we will be,” He murmurs. “I would’ve married you a long time ago if I had it my way.”

“My mother would’ve murdered you.”

Sean chuckles, all too aware of it.

It was about a year and a half into your university lives that Sean decided he genuinely wanted to marry you and, of course, he had run it by your mother.

“I’ll give you my blessing, Sean,” She had told him. “But only if you promise me you’ll give it a few years until you propose.”

“Just trust me on this, okay?” She said after Sean had frowned and asked her why. “I know you love her and I know she loves you but there’s no need to rush.”

Sean had agreed reluctantly but now, years later, he understands where she was coming from. At the time, he had naively been sure there was nothing the two of you couldn’t handle. You’d both handled being at different universities so well, after all. Now, he cringes at the fact that that was his metric but he figures he couldn’t blame himself. At that age, he definitely never anticipated having to deal with all the shit life had thrown at you both in the last few months alone. He’s somewhat grateful your mum told him to wait because now, after everything, he’s more sure than he ever was about the fact that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

~

You’re finally back home, in your own bed, lying on your back because it’s the only comfortable way you can lay down with all your stitches and injuries yet to fully heal. You turn your head to look at Sean and you smile. He’s on his back as well, the both of you craning your necks awkwardly to look at each other.

“What?” He asks.

“This is very familiar.”

He snorts, knowing exactly what you’re referring to. He props himself up on his elbow and looks down at you.

“At least this time I’m not scared to do this.”

Your eyelids flutter close as he leans down to press his lips to yours. You reciprocate, leaning up to deepen the kiss before pain shoots up your side, making you hiss.

“Sorry,” He murmurs, pulling away.

“It’s fine, just the stitches.”

His thumb grazes over your cheek. “Rest.”

He smiles at the way you huff. You never did like staying still.

~

You let out a content sigh, sinking back in your office chair. It had felt like a lifetime since you’d been in here and finally being back felt like you were putting in the final piece in the puzzle. It was the last thing you needed to feel like everything was starting to go back to normal.

A knock on the door grabs your attention, Sean popping in to check on you. “You ready?”

You nod, gingerly getting up and following him to the boardroom for the family meeting.

~

“So you know Alex and I have been talking,” Sean says to you once everyone had filed in and taken their seats. “About what will be best for the business going forward.”

You nod.

“Things have settled down and we’ve managed to broker temporary agreements with everyone to keep them in line. However, we need to guarantee they won’t act out in the future. So we need someone heading the company who they will listen to, someone who they trust. Alex wants to continue doing the finances and I’m better off sticking to making the buildings so… we were wondering if you would be the CEO.”

Your expression goes slack in shock. “What?”

“We’ve run it by Ed and mum and they agree, too. You’re our best bet.”

You look between everyone in the room, bewildered. “Why?”

“Because you know more about dealing with the investors and shareholders than any of us,” Alex says. “You saw first-hand how Finn did his business with them, something me and Sean rarely did. And they not only know you personally but they trust you, too.”

“Y/n,” Ed pipes up. “Whether he did it deliberately or not, Finn taught you everything he knew about the most important part of running this corporation. Alex knows finance and sales, Sean knows property and asset management but you? He specifically taught you how to bargain. And bargaining and making deals is part of what keeps the Wallace Corporation on top.”

“All our shareholders, the investors, they’ll be okay with this?” You ask.

Ed gives you a look, “You tell us.”

The weight of the responsibility hits you in full force but you’re surprised when you don’t feel scared. You feel sure. They were all right, you’d been doing this already.

You nod. “They will be.”

And it’s not a threat so much as it’s just pure confidence on your part. You knew their strengths, their weaknesses, you knew you would be able to keep them in line with your words, either finding mutual ground or using certain things as leverage to get what the company needed. You could bargain with them the same way you’d bargained for Sean’s life. You could do this.

You meet Sean’s eyes across the boardroom table and he smiles at you, pride blooming in his chest at the thought of his girl, the one he had fallen head-over-heels for at sixteen, being the CEO of his dad’s company. You smile in return. God, you loved him. Your entire world, your whole heart, belonged to him. And his to you. It always had been, and it always would be.

_________________________________________________

End notes: The first kiss setting in one. I took straight from Volume, lol, and then two. is set after that meeting scene at the end of Episode 7 of Gangs but I’ve taken some liberties with that meeting and diverged from canon right before Ed tells them Finn never wanted Sean near the business because Sean’s reaction to that hurts my heart. So that’s not a thing in my fic world. Anyway! Too many thoughts about this show. Let me know if you enjoyed this fic!

[isaacthedruid]

Please allow me to tell you about one of my favourite cartoons through this informal essay I did for school a couple of months back. 

Gravity Falls and How it Did The Unimaginable

**SPOILERS... KINDA**

The 2010s saw the creation of some of the most iconic animated tv shows ever made, the likes of Adventure Time (2010), Steven Universe (2013), Over the Garden Wall (2014) and The Legend of Korra (2012). To explain why this era’s shows are so admirable is honestly rather difficult. Yet, there are many factors that can be taken into consideration when looking for an answer.

The past decade was very successful in perfecting their craft and utilizing the animated format to their favour, creating some of the wackiest and fascinating cartoons ever made. With the advancements made in both 2D and 3D animation for film, this bled into the world of TV as well.

To mention that 2010s cartoons have stunning visuals would be an understatement. Everything about the animation was beautiful; the strong colour palettes, the clean and imaginative character designs, the colourful and immersive backgrounds and especially the mesmerizing worlds that can be found within episodes that are half an hour.

This era’s cartoons also led to a massive shift in storytelling, writing longer-running stories that spread out across seasons while also swapping out episodic adventures for serialization. This heavily aided in the popularization of these shows, due to the rise of internet fandoms and dropping the taboo that cartoons were only for kids. Many shows acknowledged their older viewers by leaving clues and even puzzles to be solved by the theorists who have a large appearance on social media platforms like Reddit, Twitter and Tumblr. As the shows progressed, their fandoms created many theories for what they believed might happen within their favourite series. The top three shows from this era all utilized these changes, being at the forefront of the shift and helping guide the creative vision of 2010s cartoons.

Often regarded as many people’s favourite cartoon, Gravity Falls presented one of the best mysteries of the decade with two seasons and only 40 episodes. Inspired by Twin Peaks and The X-Files, it’s considered as the kids’ version of these two iconic shows as this cartoon acts as many people’s first introduction to horror through bright colours and fun characters.

This series follows the adventures of Dipper and Mabel Pines, twins, who are sent to spend their summer with their great-uncle or Grunkle Stan in Gravity Falls, Oregon. This town is full of oddities like supernatural creatures, insane and eccentric inhabitants, and many puzzles. The Pines twins must adjust to the weirdness while uncovering the mysteries and protecting their new town.

While living in Gravity Falls, the twins are forced to work in the Mystery Shack, a tourist trap created by their Grunkle Stan that overcharges unlucky tourists, teaching about fake monsters despite there being real creatures all over town. On his first day in Oregon, Dipper accidentally came across a mysterious journal written by an unknown author that explains all the oddities to be found in this strange town. This book acts like an encyclopedic of the Weird for Dipper, an inquisitive 12-year-old kid who seeks answers.

Dipper is an extremely intelligent kid, his brain being far more developed than his body. He’s rather awkward and self-conscious as he often stumbles over his words or gets embarrassed trying to talk to girls. Despite this, the boy is an adventurer at heart who just wants to grow up and skip his upcoming teenage years.

While Mabel is quite the opposite in many ways, she is loud and has an in-your-face personality. Mabel is bouncy and fun, she is so excited to start high school. She is easily excitable and for the larger part of the series, she is in her boy-crazy phase. Mabel is a girly-girl as she likes all things; glitter, unicorns, rainbows, partying and crafting. Yet, she doesn’t often compare well with many of the other girls in town, they see her as weird and “too much”.

(In all fairness through, it is not too kind to either of the characters as their personalities are more complex than just awkward nerd and artsy girl-girly.)

Dipper and Mabel’s personalities are very different but somehow, they—along with their Gravity Falls family—manage to solve mysteries and save the town, multiple times.

Gravity Falls is an honestly genius series that completely changed the way cartoons were made. Originally when writing a series, you’d create a base of your story; characters, the universe and a basic plot. Yet, when creator, Alex Hirsch (who was in his early/mid-20)s and his small team first began constructing their show, they planned out everything they could possibly think of for the first season. Additionally, outlining some answers for their biggest mysteries that would be answered at the end of the series.

Despite being rated TV-Y7, this series really pushed the boundaries of kids’ television. From the teeth being ripped out of a deer’s mouth by a demon, rearranging the functions of every hole on a man’s face to an aggressive pop-rock sock puppet show that ended in a dramatic slow-motion scene of the puppets burning. Gravity Falls wasn’t afraid to get a little weird or creepy. Or create some genuine nightmare fuel. 

From the beginning, Gravity Falls had built a mystery into its series, hiding secrets and clues all throughout the show. Most notably were the backwards-recorded message and cryptograms, using roughly nine different kinds, even creating two of their own.

The inclusion of cyphers and mysteries for fans to solve is possibly the reason why this series was so successful. As one of the first shows to do something like this, Gravity Falls used social media and internet fandoms to its advantage.

As mentioned earlier, cartoon fans have quite a presence on social media platforms like Twitter and Tumblr. They create theories and share fun ideas about their favourite shows. Viewers of Adventure Time, Gravity Falls and Steven Universe were all included in their share of theory fun.

Sometimes, fan theories end up being correct but when you’re Gravity Falls creator, Alex Hirsch, you don’t just watch from the sidelines as your viewers figure out the biggest mystery of your show. No, you create a hoax to get your viewers off your trail and that is what he did. Around 2013, only halfway through the first season of the show, viewers had started to follow the clues, theorizing who was the author is Dipper’s mysterious journal.

Unfortunately for the Gravity Falls production crew, the viewers were right— for the sake of readers who have never seen the show, I will not mention who the author was as it would be the biggest spoiler.

In 2013, a supposed leaked image of a tv showing a younger version of the show’s crazy old man character, Old Man McGucket, writing in the infamous journal was uploaded anonymously (by Alex Hirsch) to 4Chan.

Despite the image only being on up for a few hours, it spread like wildfire. Much to the team’s success, theorists stopped searching for the answer to “who is the author” and just accepted the image of McGucket as the truth.

To further push the fake-out, three words were posted to Alex’s Twitter, “fuming right now.”

The tweet was deleted a few minutes later and fans genuinely believed that someone from the Gravity Falls team had leaked the most important part of the story.

While doing research, I came across a Reddit post from April 10th, 2013, the day after ‘leak,’ Alex’s tweet was uploaded. In this post, user, TheoDW uploaded an image of Alex’s tweet with the caption, “It seems that Hirsch got mad at last night’s leak. He already deleted this tweet.”

Seeing the reactions of these Redditors in 2013 is kind of weird and crazy to look at. “He has every right to be upset. Someone internally released a plot revealing screen shot of series breaking spoiler information,” a deleted Reddit account commented.

“This is Alex Hirsch’s biggest success by far, he spent a huge amount of time carefully planning out the series, and then in a moment someone releases a major spoiler. It would make anyone upset,” the user, Time_Loop commented.

“Seriously, this is a nightmare for a storyteller, and shows a breach of trust. I feel so bad for him–honestly, I hope whoever did the leak gets caught and appropriate action is taken. You don’t f–k with someone’s story like this. It’s unprofessional.” the user, lonelybeloved angrily commented.

In 2014, this ‘leak’ was finally disproven when viewers were given an episode on McGucket’s backstory and an amazing tweet from Alex Hirsch. 

Alex had post an image of himself playfully pointing at a monitor with the supposed leaked picture with the caption, “1) Make hoax  2) Upload to 4Chan  3) Post angry tweet about "leak" 4) Delete tweet 5) Let internet do rest”

It is so interesting to look at these comments know that all of this was orchestrated by Alex.

I wish I had been old enough at the time to follow theories and fandom stuff like I do now with current cartoons but really looking at this from an outside perspective, this was insane!

The real author wasn’t revealed until 2015 and when viewers first got the answer to this biggest show on their screens, they must have freaked out!

Following the finale in 2016, a single frame of a stone version of Bill Cipher, the show’s villain, flashed in after the credits had finished.

Alex Hirsch and his team actually created a real-life statue of their villain for their viewers to find and on July 20th, 2016, the Cipher Hunt began.

By following clues, the Hunters found themselves all over the world; Russia, Japan and then travelling throughout the United States for the final 12 clues. When the hunt took them to Los Angeles, actor, Jason Ritter (voice of Dipper Pines, also a massive fan of the series) and Alex Hirsch’s twin sister, Ariel Hirsch (the inspiration for Mabel) joined in the fun helping the search.

Finally, the hunt ended on August 2nd when someone tweeted out an image of the found statue in Oregon, the same state in which the fictional town of Gravity Falls exists. The Cipher Hunt had ended but finding the statue wasn’t Alex’s goal for the scavenger hunt, it was about the journey and bringing together the viewers, more than having them actually find the statue.

Creating its own hoax, an international scavenger hunt and quite a bit of nightmare fuel, Gravity Falls was a show truly unlike any other.

The 2010s saw some of the strongest cartoons ever made, Adventure Time, Gravity Falls and Steven Universe acting as the leaders for multiple different changes in the medium; storytelling, worldbuilding, interaction with viewers, utilizing social media, representation and further pushing music into the cartoon world. From what was created this past decade and what has already been released in 2020, I’m so excited to see what comes next.

I have another one of these which is on Steven Universe’s representation and music if you would like to see that too!! 

[nordic-language-love]

About Productivity Grids

I’ve seen more and more people starting to use the productivity grids I’ve been using this year to track my progress (which is awesome), along with concerns about them being toxic and putting the focus on “filling in the grid” rather than actually being productive. So! I thought I’d make a post about how I use them and how to avoid that icky feeling that you’re not being “productive enough”.

What is a productivity grid?

Here’s an example of my productivity grid from this week:

As you can see, I split my different areas of productivity into subsections and mark each day I do them. I fill it in each week, then I take a screenshot to post to my language learning log before clearing it out and filling it in again the next week.

A lot of people use powerpoint for their grids. I use excel with conditional formatting (so I just pop an ‘x’ or ‘/’ in a box and it automatically changes colour, which is super exciting for my dumbass monkey brain). You can use whatever works for you though - I used to print out tables and put gold stars in each square I completed.

What it’s good for

This grid is great for keeping track of things. You can therefore use it to:

See which areas you’ve been working on and which ones you’ve been neglecting. This is a major one for me, because I would go for literally months without doing any speaking practise and only realise when I went back through my blog to find that one recording of me speaking. Now I can see at a glance if I’ve done any speaking practice this week, or last week. All in all, it helps me balance my studying a lot more.

Help you decide what to work on next. Sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed by the choice of what to study. Do I pick up my grammar book? Do I watch the news in my TL? Do I read my book? So then I’ll look at my grid and think “well, I’ve been doing a lot of reading this week but I’ve not spent any time on grammar, so I’ll do that.”

Make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Before I used these for studying, I had a similar grid for self-care, which I filled with things like “went for a walk” and “ate three meals” and “had at least one vegetable” and “read a book” and “talked to a friend”. You can see I’ve included some elements of that in this grid, and honestly I think this is very very important to include.

Understand and predict burn-out. It’s quite easy to see if you’ve been overworking yourself. If you have a lot of full squares one week and a lot of blank squares the next, you can think to yourself “huh, maybe I worked too hard and that wasn’t good for me, clearly I need more balance.”

And of course, it does provide some motivation for yourself if, like me, you love things to be super colourful. Do I sometimes push myself to do a thing just because I want extra colour on my spreadsheet? Yes, absolutely.

Limitations

If you’re looking at this and thinking “I should do that so that I keep myself accountable to my followers”, then I highly recommend you do not use this method. If you do, keep it in a word document for yourself. The goal is not to threaten yourself with a blank grid of shame. The goal is, as I said before, to keep track of things for your own benefit.

Additionally, this only provides quantitative data, and doesn’t give any indication of how much you did. If you spend thirty minutes on an essay every day for a week, you’ll fill more squares than if you spend 5 hours on that essay in one night. Even though you actually spent more time on it, you would seem less “productive”. That’s why I always use it alongside a written log.

Another thing is that there are always situations you don’t account for that don’t fit on the grid. Spent all day cheering up your best friend after her boyfriend broke her heart? Yeah, that’s not gonna show up, so you might end up with a whole day that’s blank.

Some tips for using productivity grids

Be flexible! I’m always swapping my grids around to reflect what I’m working on. I used to have full grids for Icelandic and Finnish, but they took more of a backseat so I shrunk them down to fit in alongside Japanese. You can always add in more grids or take ones out.

Use it to track “unproductive” activities too (if you want). I cannot stress this enough: self-care counts as productive! Cooking yourself a nice meal is productive. Choosing to watch a Disney movie because you’re tired and the thought of studying makes you want to cry is productive. Calling your friend and admitting you’re not okay is productive. Spending time on your hobbies is productive (languages and writing are a hobby for me, so like 70% of my grid is actually devoted to hobbies). Of course, if you then feel like you’re forcing yourself to do your hobbies just to fill in an extra square, take that line out.

Keep a written log of your feelings and accomplishments. In my language log I talk about how well I feel I understood things, how tired I’ve been feeling, what I’ve struggled with and what I’m proud of. This will give more context to your grid, as well as help with identifying those patterns we talked about earlier (if I’m feeling tired and nothing’s working and I notice I’ve not been exercising, I can try the following week to exercise more and compare how I feel).

Never aim for a full grid. You should always have blank spaces - you can’t do everything all the time! If you find you’re consistently filling everything in, you might need to evaluate whether your habits are healthy.

If there are consistently a lot of blank spaces in a particular area, evaluate why. Are you not doing any writing because you’re uninspired? Anxious? Are you just focused on something else right now? Is it so important to you that you do it? Have a think about the reason and whether it’s something that needs addressing or not. (My writing grid is often blank or nearly blank, but that’s fine because it’s not something I want to pursue professionally. My stretching/performance grids being as blank as they are though, well, that is a problem that I need to address.)

If you’re not sure whether something “counts” or not, add levels to it. See how I have some boxes marked with a / instead of an X with a lighter background? Those were when I told myself “this doesn’t really count”. I only stretched when I warmed up, I only spoke a few broken sentences to myself, I did half a Duolingo lesson then quit etc. For a long time, I didn’t mark them in at all. Now I do because I was getting too harsh on myself. You could always try ranking your sessions based on how intense/productive they were, or putting in numbers to show how much time you spent on them. This doesn’t work for everyone though and can add further pressure.

Remember your followers appreciate honesty. Like I said earlier, you don’t have to post these to tumblr; you can keep them for yourself (either in a word document or a spreadsheet or print them out etc). But if you do post them, remember that giving your followers an unhealthy impression of always being productive won’t do them any favours. So embrace those blank squares and don’t feel ashamed. 

If you start to feel anxious about how “little” you’re achieving, or like it’s preventing you from being truly productive, stop using it. No method works for everyone and you should never feel pressured to continue using a method that doesn’t work for you just because other people on tumblr do it (just like I never take aesthetic pictures because spending all that time and effort setting them up burns me out before I’ve even started).

Happy studying, everyone! Go smash those goals and remember to look after yourselves while you do it.

[argidysparken]

So I had this whole post about getting started in bookbinding with pictures and shout-outs and all that, and then tumblr ate it.

So I guess I'll try again.

Here I am, minding my own business, scrolling through my feed, when I come across a post by @armoredsuperheavy detailing their work in ficbinding and giving process shots and links and a whole bunch of resources for people to use. I can't find the exact post because of the way this hellsite works, but this post has a bunch of their resources.

Cue me going "holy shit I love that idea", and then having it sit in my brain for weeks until I finally cave and go "okay, I'll just get a few supplies and try it out."

Because I was determined to test the waters and didn't want to invest a huge amount of money, I got a few supplies from Hollander's and a cheap set of tools and gave this whole 'bookbinding' thing a shot.

I have OpenOffice on my computer, which is a free, open-source alternative to Word and which works in similar enough ways that I was able to still use the Google doc @armoredsuperheavy put together to format a fic I had pulled from AO3.

Then, because I started all this after quarantine happened and wasn't comfortable getting things printed out at a copy shop for a multitude of reasons, I shoved some paper into my printer and spent a truly ridiculous amount of time figuring out how to print in signatures.

It was around this time that it came to my attention that printing out a book takes a lot of ink. Like a LOT of ink.

Who knew.

Home printers being what they are, ink cartridges are an exorbitant amount of money and printer manufacturers will do everything in their power to make it so that buying their ink cartridges is your only option.

Yeah fuck that.

Several hours, forums, and perhaps a questionable transaction or two in exchange for some drivers and codes, I had successfully jailbroken my printer so I could use aftermarket ink cartridges at half the price, and eventually convert to a continuous ink supply system (CISS).

When I told them about this, none of my friends were surprised, which I suppose says something about me.

BUT! I now (finally) had a stack of signatures that I could turn into a real book!

I got started right away, folding all the papers with my little bone folder and punching holes into the stacks. I was ready sew everything together!

I did not have a sewing frame. I still do not have a sewing frame. What I do have is sheer bullheaded stubbornness, several hours with nothing to do, and random crap grabbed from around my my apartment.

Meet my 'sewing frame', aka a scroll frame twist tied to a piece of cardboard.

With the text block sewn together, I could glue it all! But like the sewing frame, I don't have a book press. Instead, I've got what I like to call the Booksquisher.

A thick stack of geek books ready and willing to squish the heck out of a bunch of paper.

I don't have any pictures of the next few steps in the process, but that first project actually resulted in something I could hold in my hands and read!

So did the next one.

And the one after that.

Okay, so I might actually love this? Except for the part where I live in a small studio apartment and don't have either the room or the inclination to keep the things I make.

This might be a problem.

[vikinglanguage]

Mildly random, but I keep coming across the construction “ham/hende [XYZ]’en” or “ham/hende den [XYZ]” to refer to a person in spoken Danish. When and how would you use that? I mean, I think I get the basic idea, but I’m super uncertain about using it myself because I don’t know EVERY SINGLE DETAIL :P

This is actually a really good question that I also thought about a while ago when constructing my post on gender neutral pronouns in Danish!

The sentence that made me consider it was a demonstration of how to use the neopronoun høn whose nominative and oblique forms are identical. When going to translate it, I realised that there actually wasn’t a great English equivalent.

What I wrote was: Det er høn den høje med lyst hår, which I ended up translating as ‘They’re the tall one with light hair’. But that’s not very specific, so allow me to come up with some better examples! I am going to use glossing for this, which tumblr’s formatting unfortunately isn’t great for, so I will be using screenshots with image descriptions.

For a starter, ham/hende [xyz]en and ham/hende den [xyz] are usually used when describing to a conversation partner a person or object that they may not be super familiar with. I.e. if I were to describe Keira Knightley to my dad I might describe her as the actor in Pirates of The Carribean; hende skuespilleren fra Pirates of the Carribean. Likewise, if I in the original example was pointing out a friend who uses høn pronouns (which is not a friend I have, but that’s besides the point) in a crowd to another friend, who don’t know them very well and therefore need physical pointers so identify them, I could say høn den høje etc.

As for when to use -en/-et vs. den/det, it’s the usual rules for adjectives. I cannot remember if I’ve ever made a post about that, but if I haven’t I might look into it soon. Now for some more in-depth examples!

Let’s use ham/hende [xyz]en for simplicity. Since I already used that example, lets go with this sentence: Du kender da Keira Knightley; hende skuespilleren fra Pirates of the Caribbean.

First I want to bring into focus the order and function of the phrases here. I apologise if my terminology is a little off, because I literally have never learned some of this in English.

So:

[Image description: A screenshot of an analysis of the example sentence, designating ‘du’ as a noun phrase and the subject, ‘kender’ as a verb phrase and the predicate, ‘da’ as an adverbial phrase, ‘Keira Knightley’ as a noun phrase and the direct object, and ‘hende skuespilleren et cetera’ as a noun phrase and the object complement. End image description]

or further simplified:

[Image description: Another screenshot, now with the a simpler sentence ‘det er hende skuespilleren et cetera’. ‘Det’ is marked as a noun phrase and subject, ‘er’ as a verb phrase and predicate, and ‘hende skuespilleren et cetera’ as a noun phrase and subject complement. End image description]

So what I’m really trying to get at here is that ham/hende [xyz]en/den [xyz] has an attributive function and typically acts as a complement in a sentence. It may occur alone as a means of further elaborating something about a person or object if an interlocutor seems confused by mention of said person/object by name or the like.

Now, lets get to actually translating the above. You may remember that I said I “ended up translating” the example I used in my pronouns post? That’s because there is no good translation. If I were to do a not very detailed glossing of it, it would look like this:

[Image description: A glossing of the example sentence according to the Leipzig glossing rules. Ultimately, the sentence is translated to ‘surely you know Keira Knightley; the actor from Pirates of the Caribbean’. End Image description]

So, to put if it simply, directly translated word-by-word the sentence would end up as You know surely Keira Knightley; her the actor from Pirates of the Caribbean, which is not great – specifically because of the ham/hende [xyz]en/den [xyz] construction (if you ignore the adverb). Likewise, the simpler version would be That is her the actor from Pirates of the Caribbean.

So get this: For the sentence to look just fine in English, all you have to do is remove the pronoun (and fix the adverb, but again: not the point).

The thing that happens in the sentence here is called extraposition. It is, and I cannot stress this enough, EXTREMELY common in spoken Danish to the point where it’s almost mandatory. You could say a sentence without it, but literally no one ever does. While we write it with no problem, Danes are almost incapable of actually saying a sentence that has a 3rd person subject that is not a pronoun without adding an extraposition.

Normal straight-forward Danish word order without getting too much into it is subejct - verb - object, EXCEPT if the subject is 3rd person and not already a pronoun. Then it spoken Danish it almost always becomes extraposition - subject - verb - object.

This ultimately results in sentences like manden elsker hunden ‘the man loves the dog’ and hundene spiser kød ‘the dogs eat meat’ becoming manden han elsker hundene ‘the man he loves the dogs’ and hundene de spiser kød ‘the dogs they eat meat’, moving the noun to the extraposition and positioning the pronoun in place of the subject.

This could also happen to a sentence like du kender da skuespilleren fra Pirates of the Caribbean ‘surely you know the actor from Pirates of the Caribbean’, which would become du kender da ham/hende skuespilleren fra Pirates of the Caribbean ‘surely you know him/her the actor from Pirates of the Caribbean’. So in this case, the nucleus of the NP skuespilleren ‘the actor’ remains in its original position, but an oblique pronoun is added as a sort of extraposition (this is not entirely true, as that’s not really how word order works, but it works as an explanation as to why this happens). The opposite could also happen if the original sentence read (...) ham/hende fra Pirates of the Caribbean ‘(...) him/her from Pirates of the Caribbean’, with an extra skuespilleren ‘the actor being added’. Regardless of whether it is the pronoun or the noun that is added, the pronoun ALWAYS get the first position when it is not in the case of the subject.

I don’t know why this is, since I’ve only ever really learned about moving a noun/pronoun to extraposition and add a pronoun as the subject. However, I suspect it has something to do with of ham/hende [noun] actually having an almost independent function i.e. very clearly as in a sentence like hende Eva, hun er ret sød ‘say, that Eva, she is quite sweet’, so ham/hende [noun] serves the same function as the English construction say, that [noun], especially the that [noun], in which the Danish equivalent uses the pronoun to add a certain amount of definite-ness to the noun. Ultimate, I actually think, that the most accurate translation if hende skuespilleren fra Pirates of the Caribbean would be ‘that actor from Pirates of the Carribean’. I don’t really know, but I think it’s really interesting!

This is very long and I spent like an hour and a half writing it instead of doing my reading for tomorrow (oops), but I hope it helped. Feel free to ask any questions you might have!

[throughyanderewindow]

Nothing Else Matters (4/?)

Pairing: Yandere Bucky Barnes x Yandere  Fem!Reader

Warnings: Obsessive Behavior, General Yandere Stuff, Bucky’s Not a Big Fan of Bucky, Some Bad Words

A/N: Now we enter the section where Window (that’s me) tries to get through the plot of a movie without just quoting/recapping it. She does ok. 

Formatting is a bit weird on Tumblr so I got a second divider for in the text instead of just beginning and end, might go back and add it to previous chapters later idk.

Life quickly fell into a pleasantly domestic routine, on good days at least. The good days were full of soft kisses and easy conversation (though you found yourself doing most of the speaking). Bad days on the other hand were when Bucky would just shut down. He wouldn't speak, he'd barely react to anything you'd do and getting him to eat was always a challenge. You were still happy of course, things could be difficult but fundamentally you still had what you'd always wanted, you just wished you could be more of a help to him. 

Bucky on the other hand was filled with self-loathing for the way he made you live. You had told him you loved him for who he was now but Bucky knew better. You had dreamed of the man from the history books, a brave, charming, hero with an easy smile and even easier confidence; How could you ever be happy with the broken excuse for a man wearing his face? Everything in him screamed that he had to make you leave, that you deserved better and if you couldn't see that he'd have to force the issue. But every time he tried to act on those feelings, tried to force you out of his life, his throat would close and his body felt like it was made of lead. So he remained stuck, hating himself more every day he let you stay and yet filled with an overwhelming fear at the thought of letting you go.

The pair of you might have spent forever in that tempestuous limbo had it not been for the newspaper. It had started out as a good day, the weather was nice enough and Bucky had taken you with him to get some things. He didn't really like leaving you alone if he could help it, even though things had been quiet for quite some time he never stopped feeling on edge. That alertness is probably why he noticed the man watching him. Before Bucky could question him the man bolted, leaving a newspaper behind. You hadn't picked up very much Romanian but the title had enough English to get the gist: Winter Soldier, Bombardment, Vienna this was very bad.

"We have to go, right now." Bucky grabbed your wrist and began back towards the apartment as quickly as you could without drawing more attention. The place wasn't empty when you arrived. You were surprised to see Steve Rogers but he seemed much more surprised to see you.

"Are you a civilian?" You nodded at that. "This is not good." He replied. He turned to Bucky then "Some very dangerous people are coming here, right now. If you care about her life you need to get her to leave."

The familiar fear rose in Bucky at those words, he dug his fingernails into his right palm before grabbing you by the shoulder. "You need to run."You weren't exactly thrilled with this plan "But what about y-"You weren't exactly thrilled with this plan "But what about y-"

You weren't exactly thrilled with this plan "But what about y-"

He cut you off "If I try to look after us both, we'll both die. You have to go."

You knew he was right but it didn't make it easy. You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before rushing outside. The 'dangerous people' must have been closer than expected though as you barely made it half a block before being tackled to the ground.

After spending about an hour in some kind of prison car you were told you weren't going to be hurt but they would like to ask you some questions later. You internally rolled your eyes at that. You weren't going to tell them a thing but these were clearly not the guys in charge and if you were going to tell someone to go fuck themselves might as well wait for the bigwigs right?

They certainly gave you a lot of time to think though, your mind began to wander. You wondered, not for the first time, if there was some kind of gymnast assassin course you could have invested your time into instead of history classes; if there was though it probably wasn't just advertised to anyone. Besides how could you have known things would be this action filled? You were sure if you consulted some kind of 'People In Love With World War Two Veterans' they would have thought history was a fine choice. Although if you met them in the current day they'd probably all be in their 90s and would wonder why you were so young. 'Oh, my boyfriend? No, he's not way older than me, he just spent a lot of time frozen. No, he's not the guy from World War Two who very famously spent a bunch of time frozen but I understand the confusion. Wait, you're kicking me out of the club? But why?' 

Your daydream was interrupted when the car began to move. "Wait, where are we going?" you asked the driver.

"Airport." he replied with a thick German accent.

"Why?"

"You may be important in what comes next."

The trip to Berlin was similarly uneventful. You'd never been arrested before but would not have previously guessed it involved so much waiting and intense boredom. The only thing you were looking forward to was the chance to tell a person who had apparently been waiting several hours for your arrival where they could stick their questions.

After landing there was a mercifully short car ride and then finally, finally you were put in an interrogation room where you were greeted by a clean cut, friendly faced man.

"Good afternoon ma'am, I'm Agent Norris. Can you confirm for me that this is you?"

He put a file on the table. Flipping it open the first page was information on you, your full name across the top followed by your passport photo. "Yes, this is me." you told him. It was clear he already knew that but it was probably some psyche out trick you didn't understand.

"Let's cut to the chase," Norris began "we know you've spent a lot of time with Mr. Barnes and I'd like to ask some questions about that." 

"Well that is a problem because I'm not telling you a damn thing." You told him while giving him a faux-friendly smile.

"Listen, we can protect you from him. He kidnapped you,didn't he? Did he say he'd hurt you if you talked about it?" Norris asked, giving his best sympathetic look.

You laughed a bit at that."Kidnapped me? You think he kidnapped me? I went with him because I wanted to, I'd follow him anywhere." That drew an interesting face from the agent.

"All right, maybe you believe that now but the evidence suggests otherwise. You disappeared right before getting a degree that everyone I've spoken to agrees you were passionate about. You didn't say anything to your parents, who filed a missing person report regarding you about two weeks after your disappearance. I see an intelligent, talented woman with a bright future here." He poked your file. "Not someone who'd leave it all behind for a man she didn't know."

"Oh fuck, my parents think I'm dead! I'm going to need to get them an apology gift basket later. As for the rest of it though: go back to those people in my life, tell them who I left with and they'll all tell you this is in character for me. The degree is a means to an end, the only thing I've ever cared about is Bucky Barnes. You want information on him? You can pry it from my cold, dead hands." You hissed.

"Interesting." Norris replied, he paused to sip his coffee but you thought it was probably just as much for dramatic effect. "He's here you know. Barnes is here and he hasn't asked about you at all." The look he gave you was a bit more mocking than was probably advised in the interrogation handbook. "I don't think he cares about you nearly as much as you care about him."

"That's not true!" You yelled at him. "You don't know him at all!"

Before Norris could reply the door was thrown open, bringing in sounds of struggle from outside the room. "Norris it's the Soldier, we need all hands on deck!" another agent shouted. Norris jumped to his feet.

"If you leave this room you'll be shot!" He shouted over his shoulder as he took off running after the other agent, barely stopping to lock the door with a code. He probably expected his threat to at least give you a moment's pause but the second he was out of sight you lunged for the door; Now you just had to get it open.

Norris has used a code to activate an electronic lock but in his rush had forgot to also use the low-tech lock. If you could find some way to shut off the system-

As if hearing your thoughts the power went out, letting you swing the door open. For a half-second Norris' words echoed in your mind; But all you cared about was leaving this damn place and catching up with Bucky, wherever he was going. If getting shot was the risk you had to take so be it.

Taglist is a separate post because Tumblr is a delight.

dividers by writeyourmindaway

[lalahbug]

False Ring - Levi x Reader

Fandom: Attack on Titan Word Count: 2,296 My Masterlist Warnings/disclaim: general Modern Office AU Author’s Note: Continued under story Originally posted on DeviantArt, under the same username, on 12/25/2016. Revamped/edited in 2020. ___ is a blank for your name/oc/whatever you prefer Written in 3rd person Line/header is to separate paragraphs to indicate time skips, as Tumblr hates my formatting.  Story under cut

          “Hanji! Take down that mistletoe, now!” ___ barked at her while walking up to her.

          “But it’s Christmas!”

          “There will be no kissing in the office!”

          Hanji kept complaining and trying to defend the decoration.

          “Hanji. I let you get away with going overboard on the decor for Christmas, decorating everyone’s desk, the lobby, the breakroom. I am drawing the line at the mistletoe!” ___ was lecturing Hanji basically in front of the entire advertising and marketing team. Hanji was one of the top managers, behind Erwin and Levi, of course.

          ___ is the CEO but always has a degree in advertising, so a lot of her free time was spent there. Being hands-on and knowing about every campaign and making sure they all appealed to a wide audience.

          “But, ___-”

          “Hanji, you can put it up at home and the Christmas party tonight. But please just, not in the office.” ___ sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

          “___!” Hanji whined.

          “Oi! Shitty Glasses, ___ said no, so get away with that shit.” Levi stood next to ___.

          “Come on, Hanji. I’ll help you with decor for the party, okay?” Erwin wrapped an arm around Hanji, dragging her away.

          ___ took a deep breath. “Thank you, Levi.”

          “Tch, whatever.”

          “Will you be at the party, tonight?”

          “No.”

          “What, why not?” ___ tried to not let the disappointment show in her voice.

          “I don’t like Christmas, it’s over-done and all about presents, nowadays.”

          “That’s why I am holding the party without presents, though. So we can all get to know each other better and spend time with each other and our families.”

          “I have no reason to go, nor do I want to be around all of the brats and lovey-dovey couples.”

          “Oh, okay. I’m sure you’d rather just spend time alone with your girlfriend anyways.” She gave him a sweet smile. Levi just glared at her, making her sigh and look away. “I know, I know, you won’t talk about your life outside of the office.” An awkward air settled between them. “Well, I hope I get to know your personality better in the new year. I’ll see you after News Year’s, I need to tell everyone to go home now.”

          ___ gave a quick surprise to all of her employees, telling them the only reason for them to come into work on Christmas was to clock in and get their bonus check. Telling everyone Merry Christmas, go home and she was looking forward to seeing them and their families at the party.

          About an hour after everyone had left, ___ was sitting at her desk, finishing some paperwork.

          “What are you still doing here?” ___ jumped a bit, at hearing Levi’s voice, which made him click his tongue at her. “Go home to your family.”

          “Oh, there’s no one waiting for me at home. And this paperwork needs to be finished.” ___ gave him a small smile before looking back down to the papers and filling them out.

          “Isn’t this supposed to be mine?” Levi had walked over to her desk, taking the paper from her.

          “Hey, put that back.”

          “Why are you doing my work?” He glared at her.

          “I’ve been taking half of your’s, Hanji’s and Erwin’s work lately. We got a new client and I know you guys are already overworked. Since it’s Christmas, I wanted you all to be happy and not too stressed out. I prefer being at the office, so I always find where I can lighten the load of others.”

          “You do this often? My work?”

          “Yeah, not just yours, though. It’s not like it’s too hard to do or anything.” She shrugged and opened her hand to Levi. “Come on, give it back. Go home, have a goodnight.”

          Levi sat down across from her. “When are you going home?”

          She stared at him for a moment, confused. “About 3 hours before the party, so I can get ready and get there before everyone. To make sure Hanji didn’t go overboard. But I’ll be back here tomorrow.”

          “Are you going to be there all night?”

          “Yes, of course. I am the main host after all.”

          “What time do you think you’ll go home?”

          “Um, I don’t know. Probably sometime tomorrow. Why are you asking so many questions? This isn’t like you, you normally don’t care.”

          “Do you ever go home?” Levi glanced around, avoiding her question, his voice was getting harsher and judgmental.

          “Sometimes. I usually just go home to shower and get a bit of sleep. But I have a bed in my side office for days where I just would rather get more work done. I have a week’s worth of clothes here. So I guess I mainly just go home to get clean.”

          “Wait, you sleep here? How often?” Now, his voice was belittling and demanding.

          “I don’t know, like 4 times a week maybe.”

          “Tch.” He seemed truly annoying with her.

          “Don’t you click your tongue at me, boy. You’re acting hostile and demanding. I don’t need this from my employee, go home.” She snapped at him. Levi stared at her for a moment.

          “Did you just call me, boy?” He almost growled at her.

          “Ackerman. Go. Home. Now.” ___ let authority coat her every word. It was rare she used his last name or ever had to use an authoritative tone on him. He stared at her for a moment, before clicking his tongue again and leaving her office without another word.

          “Hanji, thank you for not going too overboard.”

          “Erwin reeled me in.”

          “Then I guess I should be thanking him.”

          “Nah. You both look beautiful by the way. I didn’t know you had tattoos, ___.”

          “Thanks, but yeah, I’ve had them for a while, sometimes I forget about them.”

          “It’s awesome to see so much for your skin, it looks so soft!” Hanji rubbed ___’s shoulders, making her smile then push her away. 

          “Stop it.”

          “Where did you get your dress?” Hanji was feeling the soft material. ___ just smirked at her and looked down at her red strapless dress.

          “Um, I think my mom got this for me last year. So I’m not sure.”

          “How are your parents?”

          “Oh, they’re good. They couldn’t make it over to me this year and I have too much work, so I couldn’t go to them, but I’ll be seeing them for New Year’s, I should be done with all of my work by then.”

          “Why do you have so much work? Hanji and I finished everything the other day.”

          “Oh don’t worry about it.” She gave them a heartwarming smile.

          “It’s because she’s doing some of our work.”

          ___ turned on her heel, to see Levi standing right behind her.

          “You what?!” Hanji screamed, gripping ___ and shaking her by her shoulders. “You’ll never get babies if you keep overworking yourself! You’re going to end up in the hospital again for overworking yourself!”

          “Hanji! Stop!” 

          The brunette stopped shaking her boss. 

          “I love my job. I’m not worried about having children. I won’t overwork myself, again, that’s why I put that bed in my side office.”

          Erwin groaned and Levi stared at all of them.

          “Wait, that’s why you were hospitalized for a few weeks a couple of months ago?” Levi wanted confirmation.

          “Yeah, I came to her for some signatures and she was unconscious at her desk,” Erwin stated.

          “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

          “You didn’t ask and we didn’t want to tell too many people.” ___ shrugged.

          Erwin and Hanji then continued to bug ___ about giving them their work back so she could go see her parents sooner. Eventually, she caved in and told them she would give them their work back tomorrow.

               “I can’t believe you showed up, just to tattle on me about helping out with work.” ___ grumbled as she and Levi leaned against a wall, drinking some wine.

          “I showed up because Erwin told me to. Ratting you out, after calling me boy, was a bonus.”

          “You were mad at me for calling you, boy? But you’re younger than me by a few years.”

          “I’m not a boy.” He growled.

          “Uh, huh. Sure," she giggled at his anger.

          Levi moved so he was blocking her path and his hands on either side of her head, making her blush.

          “I’m not a boy. I am a man.” 

          “Oh, okay.” She was too shocked to say anything else. Levi moved back a bit to look at her.

          “You’re blushing.” He smirked at this, which only made the crimson dusting her cheeks grow darker; because she had never seen him smirk before. “You’re blushing more now.”

          “Shut up. Why are you teasing me?”

          “Because I didn’t know you were single before.”

          “What?”

          “The whole office believes you’re married.” This made ___ burst out.

          “No! Oh, that is funny.” She kept giggling. “No, no. I don’t have a partner, I mean I have some people I have crushes on. But I have no interest in letting them know that.”

          “Why is that?”

          “I like how things are now.”

          Levi and ___ hung out together most of the party, well, he hung around her while she talked with many different employees and told stories.

          “So, ___. Tell me,” Jean piped up. He was a new customer service employee. “Is the rumor true that you and Levi are married?”

          ___ almost spit out her drink. “What? So not only was the rumor that I am married is going around, but to Levi?”

          “So I take it’s not true?” Jean chuckled. “Then how would you like to get dinner sometime?”

          “Just because she’s not married doesn’t mean she’s desperate enough to go out on a date with you, horse-face,” Eren sneered as Mikasa glared at Jean before he could retort.

          “If anyone takes her to dinner, it’ll be me,” Levi grumbled, making everyone quiet.

          “So you’re dating?” Jean was the only one stupid enough to ask.

          “None of your business.” Levi glared at him. “Come on, ___.” Levi turned on his heel.

          “Oh, um. I’ll see you guys after the new year. Have a wonderful holiday!” ___ chased after Levi. “Levi, what was that all about? Why did you confuse them like that?”

          Levi scoffed. “Because I meant it. It’s none of their business, but if anyone is to take you out anytime soon, it’ll be me.”

          “What are you talking about?”

          “Oi, you’re stupid for being smart. I like you, clearly. That’s why I got mad anytime you asked about my nonexistent girlfriend or offered to have me come to dinner with you. I thought you were married. Anyone would with that ring on your finger.”

          “Oh.” ___ was blushing and looking down at the ring on her finger, she had stopped walking.

          Levi turned to face her, standing in front of her. “Why do you wear a wedding ring?”

          “It was my grandmother’s, she didn’t have much, but being her only granddaughter. It was the only thing she left me. I just wear it because she was like a mom to me. Plus, it kept away creeps. I didn’t mean to confuse everyone, though, or push anyone away, especially you.”

          “You’ve been visited by the Mistletoe Fairy!” Hanji giggled while holding a stick with mistletoe hanging from it.

          “Hanji, no!” ___ scolded her, pointing a finger at her. Levi glanced up at the small green branch. Levi clicked his tongue before grabbing the back of ___’s neck, pulling her in for a kiss.

          ___ squeaked while Levi pulled her to him, but she quickly let her body relax against his.

          Levi smirked as the tension in her body disappeared, he kissed her gently again, before pulling away, letting his grin slowly fade away.

          “Can I expect Levi babies soon then?” Hanji squealed.

          “You’re just being stupid now,” ___ giggled. Erwin had popped up and dragged away Hanji so Levi and ___ could be alone. “Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday, Levi.” She beamed at him.

          He froze for a second before pulling her into a hug. “Thanks.”

          She pushed back a little. “What for?”

          “You’re the first person to say that today, a lot of people seem to forget my birthday because of Christmas.”

          “Oh, I even got you a gift. I was just going to give it to you next year, but since you’re here.” She smiled and pulled away from him, grabbing his wrist and dragging him over to the coat station. She asked for her purse and pulled out a small box.

          “I got it last week. So, happy birthday, Levi.” She offered it to him, he cautiously took it. “Well, open it.” So he did.

          He pulled out a couple of sturdy tins. “Is this really Jungpana and Glendale loose tea? This is expensive shit.”

          “Is it? I just went to a tea shop with great reviews and told them you really love tea, that you like to be clean and your birthday was soon. They recommended these.”

          “They are really good, they have good taste, but pay attention to pricing brat.”

          “You like your gift right?”

          “Of course.” He pulled her close to him. “I can’t wait to see more of you, you’re the best gift.”

          “That’s not what I meant!”

          “Well, you being single, is the best news I learned today, so that’s the best gift. But you won’t be single, much longer.” He rested his forehead against hers.

          “Well, if that’s the case, I think you should invite me to test that tea out with you.”

          “Tch, don’t tell me what to do. But you should come over soon.”

          “It’s a date.”

          “Damn right it is.” He pulled her close, keeping an arm around her most of the night, showing no signs of leaving her side anytime soon.

Author's Note: Continued As far as I know, Levi’s b-day is Christmas, so this fic was written for his b-day.

[ionlydatesassyelves]

mods are asleep post more gay drabbles it's the only flavor i can write

modern human au where L and Luigi are seperate people who have to deal with each other, and then they also have to deal with Dimentio. because that's the only other flavor i can write.

((will format correctly in the morning because fuck tumblr mobile))

~~~~~

L wasn't entirely certain when a street performer had set up a magic show in front of his mechanic shop, but it didn't seem to be driving away business, so for now he ignored it. For several weeks, actually, he did a stellar job of ignoring it.

The performer stopped him one day on his way into work, sauntered into his path before the crowd with a dazzling smile. He conjured a rose for L and offered it with a bow, the trick met with cheers and applause.

L scoffed and moved to step around the attention whore, but his path was blocked again. "Not one for flowers, then?" the shorter man sang. He pulled the scarf from his own neck, wrapped it around the delicate rose, and pulled it away with a flourish.

He now held a bouquet of rusty wrenches and screwdrivers wrapped in colorful paper.

L couldn't help it, he laughed, the whole crowd laughing and applauding as well. The man bowed again, and this time L accepted the gift, and he was at last allowed to go on his way.

He pulled the bouquet apart once he entered the shop--not excellent tools, gathered probably from the dump, but the gesture was still hilarious. Once L had unwrapped the paper, he found a card nestled among the tools. No number to call, no elaboration on the givers identity. Only a name.

"Dimentio"

L tried very hard not to hope Dimentio would be hanging around outside his shop again, but he couldn't help being glad to see the thin boy stood up on a box and talking excitedly to the crowd before him.

L elected to spare five minutes to be late for work and watch a couple of Dimentio's tricks. Dimentio smiled when he spotted him in the crowd, asked him to pick a card at one point and summoned it from a little girls knit cap. The girl was delighted, her mother twofold, and she let the little girl hand Dimentio a sizeable tip at the end of the show.

L was more than disappointed he couldn't spare the cash to at least tip Dimentio. He knew Luigi often liked to leave a parting gift for hard working performers that had made him smile, and Dimentio had done that two days in a row. Which was not an easy feat, given L's situation.

The thought pressed firmly at the back of his mind all day. Eventually, he decided to take an early lunch and bolted to catch Dimentio outside.

The performer was gathering tricks and props into a worn duffle bag by this hour, moving onto a different spot. L called out to him before he could go, and Dimentio seemed surprised to see him again.

"I'm afraid you've missed the encore," he teasingly replied, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"Nah, I got enough of your flashy tricks, thanks," L returned. He jogged over to meet Dimentio on the corner, and it was more apparent without the box that Dimentio stood more than a full head shorter than him. It was also more apparent he wasn't wearing shoes.

L frowned down at the sidewalk, taking in the boys pale toes and wondering if he was okay. It wasn't the coldest of the year yet, but it was still far from warm.

Dimentio shifted in place, seemingly eager to get on. He smiled at L anyway. "To what do I owe the pleasure then?"

L ran a hand through his messy hair. He was never very good at this. "You eat yet?"

There was a laugh, and L smiled again. It was different than the stage laugh. Dimentio choked on it a little suddenly, and his voice cracked on the end of it. "Was than an invitation?"

L snorted and jerked his head over his shoulder, walking back towards his shop. He was thrilled that Dimentio followed him.

There wasn't much to the shop, but there was a small, worn couch tucked away in a tiny back room where L could retreat to relax and warm up a little. Dimentio left his pack at the door and happily settled onto the couch with his legs folded under him. L tried not to sit too close to him, but it was difficult to not squish in the small space.

L brewed hot coffee for them both and they shared the sack lunch L had brought for the day. He tried to get Dimentio to eat the whole sandwich, insisting he could make something later, but Dimentio refused to touch more than half of anything.

They sat and talked in the warm little nook for some time longer than they probably should have, but eventually Dimentio went on his way.

L didn't mean to go on and on to Luigi every time this happened afterwards, but eventually Luigi encouraged him to take enough food for L and Dimentio to both have a decent lunch. Gradually, their dates became routine enough that Dimentio swung by the shop even when he had been performing elsewhere that morning.

L didn't quite realize he had a crush until the afternoon the windchill picked up and he gave Dimentio an old coat. It swallowed him up, but he had thanked L sincerely, and stood on tiptoes to give L a kiss on the cheek before he left that day. L didn't want to admit he had spent the rest of the day finding his fingers softly touching the spot, but he did.

It was three dates after that when L finally worked up the nerve to scoot closer to Dimentio on the couch and kiss him fully. Dimentio was so quick to slide his arms around L and return the deep kiss. They wound up making out on the couch, and it wouldnt be the first time.

------

Luigi got to meet Dimentio three weeks after the first time L had invited him to lunch. Usually he kept to the quiet, shambly part of the city, but he'd been visiting a friend on that end of town and ran into Luigi on his way to work, mistaking him for L. They had laughed at the mix up, but Luigi was glad to meet Dimentio at last, and Dimentio was thrilled to discover L had been talking about him.

Dimentio had neglected to tease L about it later that day, but when Luigi told him that night his boyfriend was indeed very cute, the flowers and lovebites L had to come home with suddenly made sense.

Luigi and L both began to look forward to Dimentio brightening their days, either in the silly gifts he would conjure for Luigi before work, or the warm kisses he snuck around L's shop to steal. It wasn't uncommon for Dimentio to come up in conversation while Luigi and L ate dinner together.

Winter rolled around, and they began to wonder more and more where Dimentio called home. If he was safe at night, or at least warm.

L stayed up later pacing some nights, wondering where Dimentio might be and if he was okay. Some days his make out session with the preformer turned into something more, and L could give Dimentio an hour or more of warmth and comfort. But Dimentio always left into the bitter cold with L's old jacket pulled tight around his thin form, bare feet against the cold sidewalk, but no less a spring in his step or spark in his smile.

L began working late and hoarding spare change, cutting little treats for himself where he could to gather up a little bit of extra cash. When Luigi finally asked what he was up to, if he needed help with anything, L admitted he wanted to get Dimentio something warm to wear. At least some new shoes. Luigi gave him the sweetest, warmest smile, and began working overtime as well, adding extra tips to L's fund.

L was beyond tickled the day he finally could lead Dimentio into his worn shop hand in hand. After they ate and exchanged their usual quips, L reached behind the couch and handed Dimentio a very large plastic bag. They couldn't do much to wrap the gift, but Dimentio took it with a bewildered grin. "What is this, now?"

"Call it an early Christmas..." L muttered, sitting back and trying to appear as casual as possible. He was sitting on pins and needles, praying Dimentio didn't notice.

Dimentio eagerly set to digging through the bag, but his motions soon slowed. He pulled out two large, fluffy sweaters in bright colors, and a wool scarf with matching hat, holding all the items in a bundle against his chest. He turned and gave L a shaky smile, like he was waiting for the punchline. "...is this for me?"

"Yeah, it's for you," L almost laughed. "Don't want you to fuckin blow away in the wind out there."

Dimentio turned very quickly back to the gifts in his lap. He looked like he might cry. He busied himself instead pulling the box from the bottom of the bag and opening the lid with a quiet gasp.

"They're a little worn..." L apologized as Dimentio ran his fingers thoughtfully over the black boots. "We found them at a thrift store but, uh... I really didn't want you to freeze..."

Dimentio smiled, and choked a little. "I love them." he said quietly.

He tried them on, and they were a size too big, but only half a size with the colorful wool socks Luigi had tucked into the box. They were big and bulky especially since Dimentio didn't bother lacing them, but they somehow suited him when he kicked his legs back and forth on the couch, and L couldn't help smiling.

He pressed his face into L's shoulder and wrapped his arms tightly around the larger man. "I love them," he repeated.

L tried not to respond "I love you too."

Dimentio hung out around the shop the rest of the day, leaving only when L locked up for the night. L insisted he might as well come over for dinner, but Dimentio fidgeted anxiously and insisted he couldn't owe L any more favors.

L wrapped both arms around Dimentio and kissed him slow and deep. "You don't owe me. Just stay safe, okay?"

Dimentio winked, adjusting his scarf around his face to hide the bright blush coloring his cheeks. "No promises."

L bit his lip, but he steeled his nerves and tightening his grip before dimentio's fingers could slip from his. He had to know. "You got somewhere warm to sleep right?"

Dimentio gave L a peck on the cheek and squeezed his hand. "I'll find somewhere."

And then he left.

L couldn't sleep that night.

The thought of Dimentio huddled in the freezing streets was keeping him up. He had already been sick with worry, but previously he could chalk it up to paranoia. Now it had been confirmed, Dimentio was homeless. It wasn't fair. Nothing was in this awful city, but that especially tore L up.

Four times, L almost asked Luigi if he could invite Dimentio to stay. But every time he tried to come up with a reason, he felt like he was asking to keep a dog, which was both insulting to Dimentio's independence and throwing another burden on Luigi. L hated both of those things, so four times, he shut his mouth.

The fifth time had been an impromptu trip to the grocery store, stocking up on essentials. L had commented idly on people looking like they were preparing for the apocalypse.

"Its probably the storm," Luigi had carelessly reminded him.

"...what storm?" L asked, face melting to horror.

Luigi sighed a little as he compared their cart to their list. "I told you, there's supposed to be a blizzard rolling in tomorrow. They say the streets are going to freeze. Oh--remind me to leave the water running tonight, we're fucked if the pipes freeze too."

L couldn't help his knee jerk response. "Dimentio's homeless."

Luigi's eyes flew up to meet L's, wide and shocked. He knew what that meant. "What?" he asked anyway.

"Dimentio's homeless," L repeated, his voice shaking. "He's out on the streets, I don't think he has anywhere to go."

Luigi took that in for about three seconds, then took a deep, steadying breath. "Let's hurry up here and get this home, then we'll see if we can find him."

-----

Luigi almost wrecked the car when L spotted Dimentio from the passengers seat and just jumped out onto the sidewalk. L ignored the frustrated scolding behind him and bolted towards the performer.

Dimentio had taken shelter from the falling snow on a high slope beneath a bridge, but when L climbed up he discovered that Dimentio was already shivering. He was bundled in several layers, but his nose and ears were already a pale shade of blue.

"Get up, you're coming with us," L said sternly, not waiting for a reply as he grabbed Dimentio's bag and slung it over his own shoulder.

"N-no, L, it's... d-d-don't--" Dimentio tried to stutter out a protest, but he was shivering too hard in the howling wind.

His effort was interrupted by L scooping him up off the ground--all the clothes put together probably weighed more than Dimentio himself. "I don't want to hear it. We're going home."

Dimentio didn't argue with that.

Luigi had managed to stop the car nearby when L struggled back down the hill with Dimentio in his arms. L didn't think much about taking the backseat on the ride home and holding Dimentio in his lap, but the preformer didn't seem very intent on moving, so no one questioned it.

Granted the rickety apartment wasn't much, especially for three people, but anything was better in a blizzard. Luigi took Dimentio immediately into the bathroom and showed him how the shower worked, told him to get clean and more importantly, warm. He left Dimentio a soft towel and some of his own cozy pajamas, and Dimentio still seemed at a loss for words.

While he was in the shower, Luigi made a warm soup for dinner and L busied himself cleaning space in his own room for Dimentio's things and piling spare blankets onto his bed.

Dimentio arrived in Luigi's pajamas and the coat he'd been wearing, and L traded it for a softer hoodie. He was still a little uncertain, but he seemed happier and at least the color of a healthy human again.

The three piled on the couch together and ate soup out of mismatched bowls, watching TV as they chatted late into the night.

Before they headed to bed, Luigi got Dimentio to gather up what little clothes he owned so he could wash them in the morning. Luigi also produced a spare toothbrush for Dimentio they "happened" to have, and certainly hadn't bought that day hoping and praying they would find Dimentio tonight.

Dimentio was grinning ear to ear by the time everyone was getting ready to settle into bed. L insisted Dimentio keep his bed tonight, and went to the couch himself, but the preformer clung to him and bashfully asked if L would be willing to stay.

They snuggled into bed together, squished in the small space, but warm and happy to hold onto each other. They whispered in the dark for several hours before falling asleep, sneaking in soft kisses here and there.

The storm did end up snowing them in for several days, and Dimentio was happier to be in the house with each passing hour. Dimentio taught them both several card tricks, and Luigi taught Dimentio new, flashy ways to shuffle the deck. They traded stories about the ongoing struggle against the upper class, laughed over preparing meals, and snuggled together in the quiet.

On the fifth day, news reports began to state that the worst of the storm had passed, and streets should begin to get clear. The weather in the early morning channels also seemed to indicate that the danger of freezing outside would be gone.

L found Dimentio staring out of a window soon following the newscast, watching the snow fall on the empty streets outside. L sat behind him and slid his arms around Dimentio's thin waist, and the smaller man leaned back against his chest. "So I have bad news," L began with a sigh.

"Mm." was all Dimentio said.

"The truth is, we've kidnapped you," he announced grimly.

Dimentio snorted, and L could just make out his smile in the window reflection. "Is that so?"

"Unfortunately, yes, you've actually been a hostage this entire time," L went on in a deadpan, sarcastic tone. He propped his chin on Dimentio's head, and a sigh ruffled his curly hair. "I'm afraid you're going to have to stay forever."

Dimentio's grin crept a little wider. His hands wandered up and rested over L's. "Unfortunate indeed... and if I were to refuse?"

"Well, Luigi gets attached easily, so you might make him cry," L informed him.

"Hmm. Tragic." Dimentio hummed. "You're not one for tears, are you?"

L shrugged carelessly. "Nah. I'd just drag you back here. What do you weigh, like eight pounds?"

"Probably six," Dimentio agreed. He squeezed the toned muscle of L's forearms latched around his waist and teased "Hardly a struggle, even for a weak shrimp like you."

L laughed into Dimentio's hair, and squeezed the performer tighter against him. He pressed a kiss to the top of Dimentio's head and murmured "I want you to stay. We both do."

Dimentio bit his lower lip - a failed attempt to control the excited grin on his face. His hands squeezed awkwardly around L's wrists, and he sucked in a short, thrilled gasp. "I'd love to," he managed.

[bookworm-2692]

About a week ago I finally finished bookbinding @airdeari‘s beautiful Zero Escape fic The First Nonary Game. It took about a month (between all the waiting for glue to dry and also several days each week when I was unable to work on it), and was so much fun! It’s so satisfying to just... hold this book in my hands. 

Details about how I made it, along with additional photos (and commentary) below the cut.

So I came across this post on Tumblr, which immediately inspired me to try bookbinding myself. I spent a few days watching so many tutorials from the youtube channel linked in the post (I’ll link the specific tutorials I used in this post), and googling how to actually manage to print pages so they form proper signatures, because the inbuilt booklet creator in Word doesn’t exist in my Word apparently so that’s fun.

Anyway, once I started, I asked @airdeari for permission to print and bind his fic, and he immediately said yes, so that was good. Then I spent a good couple of days copying the entire fic into a Word document, and fiddling with formatting so it would look like an actual book (section breaks, page numbers, headers with the fic title on the left page and chapter title on the right page (this took ages to work and I kept on stuffing it up), and making sure things just... looked nice. I added in the art After The War that @keycrash created specifically for the fic (third pic above), and an “afterword” containing credit and links and the author’s notes from AO3 (because even if I’m the only one who will ever see it, it still feels weird to not add the credit stuff in so it’s there).

I then saved the document as a PDF, and used CheapImposter to correctly shuffle (impose, hence “imposter”) the pages so when folded into signatures, each page would be in the correct order. This program was the first free one I could find, and was great because you could specify the number of sheets you want per signature, rather than stuck with a default. I chose to have 11 signatures of 6 sheets of paper, since that was the amount that would have the least blank pages and the end of the book. The file was 261 pages, so with two pages per side, and two sides per sheet, you divide the number of pages by 4 to get 66 sheets of paper

I then printed. There was only one (1) paper jam in the process, which was great. Unfortunately, I realised after I printed that one of the headers for one chapter was wrong (I hadn’t properly disconnected the two chapters), but fortunately that only involved reprinting 4 sheets of paper.

I used the following tutorials to make the books: DIY Textblock, a general “how to make a textblock” tutorial; DIY Kettle Stitch, a specific look at the stitching for a textblock, since the first tutorial doesn’t focus on this; DIY Book Cloth, since I chose to use fabric for my cover; and DIY Hardcover Book, how to put all those pieces together.

So then I started folding all the signatures. I was watching so much Brooklyn Nine-Nine during both the folding and stitching sections, since it was repetitive actions I didn’t need to concentrate on that lasted hours.

It was at this point that I sliced each signature one by one to make the end smoother and less pointy. In future I recommend not doing it at this point - wait until the very end. Instead, move straight onto stitching. 

I don’t have any photos of the stitching portion, since my phone died the morning I started the stitching, and I wasn’t able to replace it until after all the stitching was done. In fact, originally all the photos from before the stitching were lost too. It was only about two days ago that magically the My Photo Stream thing kicked in and brought back all the photos - if it had worked two weeks earlier I would’ve had more. As it is, all photos from September to January are gone forever, unfortunately. But that’s another discussion entirely.

The above is the first book photo on my new phone, so as you can see, all the stitching was completed, the spine was glued, and the purple paper attached. I couldn’t buy two A4 sheets, so instead I had to buy one A3 sheet and cut it in half. Which was difficult cycling home from the city with an A3 sheet that didn’t fit in my bag on account of being A3 and not A4, but oh well.

I don’t have a book press, so I used a pile of DND books and my brother’s weights instead, as shown below.

I then had to re-slice the book after this point bc my first go wasn’t even, on account of slicing each signature separately. Next time definitely I’ll just do it at the end like this. I then also sanded it to make it smoother. It’s still not perfect, but it’s something that’ll take practice and patience so.

Next I made the book cloth, which involves using appliqué sheets to combine cotton fabric and tissue paper. But first I want to talk about the fabric I chose for the cover, because I’m quite proud of it. I spent ages wandering around the shop, trying to find something that fit the feel of the book. Spoilers for the content of the fic if you haven’t read it yet, and also for the source material (999/Zero Escape). I was thinking about some sort of blue swirl thing, because of the Gigantic sinking. I found that, but hesitated because it didn’t fully fit, and my favourite colour is blue so I always pick blue. I also considered flames/fire because of the incinerator thing, but couldn’t find any. I can’t remember if I just couldn’t find any four leaf clover fabric, or if I’ve just since thought about that as a cover. But instead I chose the butterflies below. They fit in several subtle ways that I’m proud of. The colours of blue and pink(/red) matching the receiver and transmitter coding all throughout 999, as well as the moments of purple as well (I don’t think I need to get into that, I’m sure it was analysed to hell and back when the game first came out). The butterflies also point towards the butterfly effect, and in turn the different timelines present in the series. So together it just works. /spoilers over

It’s also just a pretty fabric.

Now the making of the book cloth. I had to make it twice, because I was too impatient the first time, so the iron was too hot and it steamed, which wrinkled and warped the tissue paper, so the fabric was all wrinkly too. The second time took ages and was a worse quality appliqué sheet, but worked well enough anyway.

(My parents: did you have the iron out? what were you ironing? you never iron)

And then I cut the book board to size, using the measurements from the tutorial video. I’ll repeat them here: front and back cover: width = width of textblock minus 3mm, and height = height of textblock plus 6mm, and spine width = width of textblock spine, spine height = same height as covers

I then glued the board onto the book cloth, and put it under the book press. The dnd books are not large enough to cover the whole thing, and also I really wanted the board to stay flat and not curl, so I grabbed way more dnd books and way more of my brother’s weights. I also accidentally started putting the glue on the wrong side of the board (bc one side is smooth and the other is rough), hence the colour difference as well.

The corners were cut and folded and glued over...

And then the textblock was glued in, and put in my book press for a whole weekend. I added a sheet of paper to absorb the glue so the pages wouldn’t become wrinkly, but instead the sheet I added was fine and every other page in the book is wrinkly. So I dunno what happened there. After the weekend I took it out and looked at it, and then put it back for another week to be sure.

And then the complete book is shown at the top of the post!

As I was starting I was talking a lot about it, like about the process I had to go through, or how I was going to obtain what I needed, etc. Mum asked if she could read the story. I froze, like a deer in the headlights... because this is a fanfic. She saw my fear and immediately backed down, explaining she only wanted to read it because if the story was that important to me that I was going to literally turn it into a book, she wanted to read it to yknow like know me better or something? Which makes sense. And when I got over my initial reaction, and remembered that indeed it was technically my dad who introduced me to fanfic, and thought about it more, I said okay. Because since the fic is technically a prequel to the first game, and most of the characters are technically OC’s (like, from the first game we know that all eighteen children must exist, but most of them don’t have names or anything so they are effectively OC’s), then knowledge of source material isn’t strictly necessary. This fic can probably be enjoyed on its own. I mean I’ll probably have to explain the concept of morphogenetic fields, and the last four chapters might not make sense? But I’m okay for my mum to read it. So when she’s less busy at work I’m going to download the epub onto her phone for her - we’ll see how it goes.

Anyway, this fic is a masterpiece, extremely well written and I highly recommend it. As said, most of the characters are effectively OC’s, and yet they are all given such rich histories and personalities. All of them have access to the morphogenetic field, so I’m just so glad that @airdeari​ explores nine unique relationships with the field - nine unique sibling dynamics, and esper powers and abilities. It’s just so good.

[retphienix]

It's been 6 years :)

On March 30th, 2015 I decided I wanted a gaming side blog. (so we're early, but shush, it's the month for me)

I didn't know what I'd use it for exactly, but I had ideas- something I always have even if most of them only get as far as daydreamin' or writing out before closing them :P

For proof on the lack of direction the blog initially had- the March 30th date is the anniversary of my first post, an in-depth and lengthy review of Dragon Warrior Monsters for the GBC.

If you know the blog then you know "Extremely long and in-depth reviews" aren't the norm around here. As a matter of fact, that first post is the ONLY one I've done!

The closest I've come to ever repeating that would be the (word of the day) Directionless video I put out on Hades to get a grip on the concept of making videos, but that wasn't nearly as much of a 'review' as that first post is.

Tangent, definitely planning on trying my hand at videos some more for the foreseeable future. Probably not gonna use the tagline Full Impressions that I tossed as a whim for the Hades video but yeah- I'm excited to try my hand at a few videos :) tangent over.

It didn't take me long to come up with what I'd like to do for the blog though :)

A few months later I liveblogged a challenge run of FFT where I used only Ramza- a solo run. - Which maybe only happened because I tried a nuzlocke run a year prior on my main account-

(Nuzlocke | FFT challenge run)

Thanks to that haphazard liveblog experiment I started to realize a couple things which became the primary motivators behind this blog.

1) I LOVE sharing experiences. No brainer, I'm sure, but being able to share my experiences, and compare them with others' experiences, and just that mutual sharing is uplifting and feels good to do.

2) Liveblogging is an EXCEPTIONAL motivator to buckle down and play all those games I said I'd play (cue everyone laughing because I'm still way behind and have an immeasurable backlog).

But I mean that, on both respects. I have plenty of motivators toward the blog today, but if I were to be concise it's pretty much "It's easier to beat games if I liveblog them- otherwise I get distracted and play other games" and "I love sharing experiences and thoughts with people about my favorite thing- games."

Since 2015 I've tackled around 70 games as full playthroughs, and an untold ton as one offs or just to ramble about for a bit.

I've had a lot of highlights over the years, and I don't talk much about it as an overall experience so I thought for the anniversary I'd try to do just that. Not everything- I can't say I have photographic memory that would bring all of it up without prompting after all :P But whatever comes to mind as I browse some of my old stuff- as well as some thoughts on what I'd like to see in the future.

It's gonna be a bit self-centric I assume as I type this preamble to it, so let me say outright that this blog wouldn't be half of what it is without all the people who've given it the time of day over the years.

From recommending games they love or appreciate, to comparing thoughts, to offering kind words for analysis I've done over the years, to pointing out when I'm dumb and misread a situation :P- to, yes, even the people who decided "Fuck this guy's ramble" and deleted my captions before reblogging my gifs way back during Hamtaro (Of COURSE I remember that! It's amusing lol).

This is better because of others, because of the interactions and the people I've gotten the chance to chat with or befriend. It's just a liveblog more or less, my own little bit of fun I toss out for myself if for anyone- so seeing others enjoy this or that from the work I put into sharing my experiences or thoughts is always a joy in itself :)

Anyway, onto selfishly rambling about some tidbits of the past :)

Also sorry but no, opted to not shove a ton of photos in, it does have a handful of links to old posts though :P

This'll be disorganized as heck as I'll add to it over time before I feel it's worth posting (or the tumblr post editor becomes a hassle and more or less forces me to).

First~

FFT Solo Ramza Challenge: Considering it was roughly the first thing this blog has done, it's also something that's stuck in my head a lot more clearly than most of the other stuff I've done to be honest lol.

In truth, this is partially because FFT is my favorite game, bar none. But it's also because the whole experience was pretty new to me. Prior to it I had really only done one self-imposed-challenge that wasn't requested by the game in some manner and that was a nuzlocke run of Blue version.

So adding a challenge to my favorite game was a fantastic experience!

Notes I just wanted to say today about that run: If anyone enjoys FFT I honestly recommend giving it a shot for the unique story it lends itself to. I do recommend skipping the rules until after the second battle but that's up to YOU to decide.

My first post on the subject is me complaining about spending 4 hours grinding out the second fight and, despite hyperbole being my natural state, that was NOT hyperbole.

It DID take 60~ restarts to beat. It DID take 4 hours. The reason is that that 2nd battle is RNG as HECK, you HAVE to have Delita do some meaningful actions, you HAVE to have the enemies miss and make poor plays, you damn near HAVE to crit a few instances to save yourself from taking too much damage.

It's a numbers game to the extreme, so I wouldn't fault anyone for 'cheating' and skipping the 2nd fight for the ruleset lol.

The memory that stands out the most for that run is actually isolated in a post in which Ramza (Purrick in this run) talks like a total badass as just ONE DUDE running into a room full of enemies. I just think on that as a great encapsulated view of what it was like. The run started off face grindingly difficult, but because FFT is a game that offers so much freedom to the player it was extremely easy to 'break' the game into making Purrick overpowered as hell.

That's something I love about some tactical RPGs, I love having the ability to play smart so that I can play stupid later on, and breaking the game into making him one shot god is certainly a good payoff for playing smart early on :P

RetQuick: I miss RetQuick, it was primarily a short experiment I did in 2015 where I'd play a game for a short span of time (REALLY short, like 10-20 minutes) and record that for the purpose of making gifs and saying a short piece on what I thought.

It's one of those formats where the purpose was pretty shallow- but had a reason. I wanted to try making some gifs with some tools that existed online, so I made an excuse to do just that.

I also wanted to play a TON of games, usually through emulation on my sister's PSP, and this let me do that.

These two minor goals came together and so I spent a while making RetQuicks which were honestly more fun to make than they had any right to be. I mean the gifs were tedious but the playing? The thought sharing? The end product ocassionally having more appeal than just a photoset? It was fun.

I'm thinking whenever I have trouble picking a game for the blog I'll revisit the format... sorta.

I already reused it for a short stint to show clips I had no plan on expanding into a playthrough, but that died as well as it was too similar to Tidbits posts (another tag I no longer really use).

My thought is to rebrand retquick as something of a tryout for what game comes next. Play a handful of my backlog games for an hour or so each and say some thoughts before saying which one I'll continue as the main game for that period of time.

Old Tag Stuff: One of those things that only sticks to me since I made the decisions but it's always funny for me to look back on my old posts because I was apprehensive as hell toward making my posts visible. The reason my early playthroughs on the My-Tags page are variants of Ret instead of just "The name of the game so people can find this post" is because I felt like a liveblog would just spam the tag to hell-

Something I don't remotely feel bad for doing anymore.

So I avoided getting any sort of spotlight for quite a while on the blog for little reason.

Why Retphienix?: This is just a dumb thought I wanted to share and I'm sure I've said before.

It stands for retro!

Yeah!

Ain't that dumb and also not a real shorthand? lol

I think I have some sort of deer in headlights anxiety towards naming things, I mean do you think I think Full Impressions is a good summation for a video? I don't. But perhaps that's overshadowed by the other inexperiences and anxiety driven decisions that had- doesn't matter.

Retphienix is Retphienix because I sat there in 2015 and thought "Well... what do I name an alt account?"

My main is Redphienix, which yes, is ALSO a terrible name AND is misspelled. But it's that because of sentimental reasons. As a kid I misspelled Redphoenix when making my gamertag (I knew how to spell Phoenix back then as well, I was too excited about xbox live and misspelled it) and it's become something of a sentimental misspelling.

So I wanted to make a mix on that for my game blog, but I had no idea what. In the end I thought "RetroPhienix? I don't know. Retphienix is closer to Redphienix. I'll do that" and so it was done.

And just like how Redphienix is both bad and misspelled but exists because of sentimental reasons- Retphienix has acquired the same 'flavor' in my eye lol.

Aspirations for the blog: I have no immediate ramp up plans or road map or whatever, and in truth I'll be happy if the blog stays just as it is forever- up until tumblr ends- I cry over lost posts- and I reopen it on another platform.

But I do have blurry half-considered daydreams that I'd like to see happen for the blog through some hard work or shifts on my part.

One is something I'm already doing kinda, hence my embarrassing means of bringing it up a lot lately. Videos- I want those. I wanna make some looks back on series people don't talk about that I enjoy, I want to make videos sharing my thoughts on games I beat for the blog (like what full impressions kinda was, but I don't think they'll have a unified name from here on out). Maybe retrospectives, but mostly when I think of making a video tied to retphienix or me in general it's me looking at a game that said something to me, and saying it louder with my own interpretations on it.

You know the kind, videos where they talk about a video game but not the whole thing- just a singular message they really heard loud and clear from it intentionally or not. I dig those and I know I end a lot of games having plenty to say that could be directed into such a format.

We'll see.

And I'm along for the ride on that one as well- currently I'm keeping my eyes on whatever is directly next, which happens to be "I plan on playing Omori, if it clicks as something to talk about I would like to take a shot at that in a video too!"

The other is that I'd like to build a small community. Wouldn't know the first thing on doing that in a modern sense, but just a little online friend group to chat with and play games together. Something that could open up multiplayer and coop experiences being better shared on the blog and would just in general expand my gaming to what it used to be back on the 360 when I had a large group to play with.

Since the 360 era ended I've pretty much closed off- stopped playing competitive games due to lack of interest- and slowed down to playing all games either solo, with randoms (and no mic usually), or with my cousin. It's a rare instance when I play with some good people like @gamesception or another friend of mine, John.

When I diverted from playing competitive games nonstop toward other genres I didn't intend to also cut out all my online gaming buds, it just kinda happened, and I never really put any effort into rectifying that.

So more or less I'd like to one day sit down and work on a discord server, and then buck up and put the leg work in to make some gamin' buds again, but that's such a vague concept anymore.

Sounds all sad and what not but it's more ambivalent, I made decisions that

changed how gaming worked for me after the 360 and this is just where it landed for better and worse- I'd just like to see if I can make it a little better :P

General things I think when I think retphienix: Honestly? I think of how much fun I've had over the years and how thankful I am to have had an outlet that encouraged me to explore more of the medium.

I REALLY love games. I went to college for games, I've written LEAGUES about games, I've played countless games, my childhood was games, my adult life is games- games games games yada yada yada.

So when I think of retphienix I think of how without it I probably wouldn't have explored a lot of the corners of gaming that I have.

I genuinely, and I mean this, might not have sat down and beaten FF7 for myself and would have considered the amount I played as a kid to be enough.

I might not have played Chrono Trigger yet, and I KNOW I wouldn't have played Chrono Cross, and I'm happy as hell to have played both of those. CT was a mind blowing moment for me that showed me just how good an RPG can be, and CC gave me miles to think of in terms of innovating an RPG and how beholden to the narrative a sequel should be (I don't feel CC should have been chrono at all lol).

I DEFINITELY wouldn't have given New Vegas another chance. And I know I'm a sourpuss on NV, I've been that way since I maxed my achievements on the 360 for it, but replaying it really did reveal to me how exceedingly negative I was being.

My memories had become "It's brown and a boring location >:(" and "The factions all suck and it doesn't do anything with the idea of bad factions >:(" and became "It's... a little brown guys, not a big fan of the area" and "They didn't do enough with exploring the gray factions" while adding "Wait. This is pretty damn fun. And 90% of the additions are stellar. And I forgot about Dead Money, my favorite dlc in any game ever with a story that tears at my heart every time I think of it, NV good actually?"

Faxanadu would have remained a cool game I saw on SSFF and not a game I played to the end and fell in love with the aesthetic feel it has!

Also that's a game I cheated like crazy on lol, I would do it again! Save state scumming games meant to be rudely difficult is only fair :P

I probably would have never sat down to play through Windwaker which was such a positive and uplifting experience that I now get the most relaxed and warm feeling in my heart when I see those blue waves.

There's so many experiences I would have left on the table in favor of like... putting more hours into a live service title or something.

Maybe, and no offense to my cousin or anyone else playing it, but maybe I'd be no-lifing World of Warcraft nonstop just stagnating my interest toward the skinner box mechanics of an MMO?

Some offense, actually but lightheartedly lol.

But beyond the entire games I've played for the blog, when I think retphienix I picture all the time making gifs, all those games I played on the PSP for short stints, buying a retron 5 to add to what I could explore and being stoked when they shipped a freebie box of old controllers to go with it, getting angry at the retron for being a Piece Of Shit lol, crying at the end of damn near every game with an emotional story because I'm a big emotional mess of a person who finds investing and crying at a story way too easy thanks to empathy pulls, oh!-

Getting excited whenever I found that I had a "*controversial*" opinion that no one would care about lol. Like the one that comes to mind is that I thoroughly believe that Dragon Ball Z II: Gekishin Freeza!! for the NES is WAY better than the fandom recognized and appreciated sequel/remake Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan!

How many people do you hear talking about either game, let alone saying the NES game that is roughly half of the SNES remake is the better one :P But I stand by that! The SNES one is a remake of DBZ1 and 2 for the NES but it loses all the charm and some of the fun of the NES ones by being a lackluster SNES game!

lol

I admitted wholeheartedly that this post would be a lit-

little directionless (gotta love the new tumblr poster making me break sentences like that), but to sum things up.

It's been 6 years. It's been an untold amount of work to be honest- liveblogging a game, at least for me, hasn't been the easiest thing. It's a lot of thinking out my thoughts (heh), it's a lot of learning tools to make the capturing process possible, it's a lot of experimenting, it's a lot of writing and editing, and, well, sometimes it's just tough.

I mean I went to school for coding, not video editing, not writing, not image processing, not this or that- but this hobby has introduced a lot of things even if only at a VERY base level (I admit fully to using online alternatives to make gifs for instance).

I learned a lot about, well, a lot of things in order to use this blog to learn more about games- and all that work has become part of why I've loved all 6 years of this blog.

6 years of gaming, work, and you all- and it's been worth the investment :) Here's to many more and all of you whether you stumble upon this post or not- literally anyone who's interacted in these 6 years, thank you, and anyone who hasn't I offer you well wishes as well.

<3

[mittensmorgul]

The Tumblr Beta Version: an objective analysis

I was tempted to just type “it sucks.” And while that is an objective analysis, it’s not exactly helpful. I’ve sent several requests to @staff and @support to restore my account to the old tumblr dashboard format, and received the same automated reply twice now. I’ll copy/paste it here so everyone is on the same page:

(lol, I had to go back and edit this, because apparently the beta version doesn’t display block quotes on the dash. So I’ve also put the block quotes in italics... hopefully it’ll display properly... note after editing: nope, it doesn’t display italics either... how the heck am I supposed to differentiate quoted text? I’ll start each quoted bit with an asterisk, I guess...)

*Thanks for reaching out about the beta dashboard.

*We're currently testing it out, and your account seems to have been selected to take part in the test. Thanks for your patience while we work on it! At this time there is not a way to opt out of testing. You may see your Tumblr experience return to normal as we continue testing.

WE CAN ONLY HOPE.

*In the meantime, check out some of the new features available only in the beta dashboard:

OKAY TUMBLR, IF YOU INSIST, though I would MUCH rather have back all the functionality I personally invested into this website through xkit... you know... making the site ACTUALLY FUNCTIONAL. Let’s see what this beta version has given me instead of functionality:

*Change Palettes: Go to the person icon, then click "Change Palette." You'll find the classic Tumblr blue, dark mode, and a few other color palettes for your dash.

So I tried out all the color palettes. In addition to the ones mentioned here, there’s one that’s trying to look like a green screen terminal that gives me flashbacks to the early 80′s. There’s a reason we stopped using green screen terminals... Another one is “canary yellow.” It’s very yellow. The “classic tumblr” isn’t actually classic tumblr... all the post boxes are dark blue with grey type, not white with black type. And all the other colors are the insanely bright fluorescent of the new Dark Blue standard tumblr scheme. Which means links are practically invisible unless I highlight them. It’s migraine inducing. The one theme with a light colored background is called “Concrete” or “Cement” or something like that and even that only works for about half an hour before the migraine aura really kicks in. I just want my Old Blue via xkit back. You know, what tumblr actually used to look like. I don’t want any of these horrible color palettes. None of them work for me.

*The new "meatballs" menu: This is where you can copy the post link, unfollow the Tumblr who made or reblogged the post, or report a violation to our Community Guidelines.

I could do all of this from the user menus with xkit, too. I don’t regularly report violations or have the urge to block people I have chosen to follow. Why on earth would I want to do any of this? And why would I want these features located directly beside the post link copy feature? 

You know what I do miss? I miss the xkit timestamps feature. I didn’t have to hover dangerously close to the KILL IT WITH FIRE meatballs menu in order to see when a post was made, and in this era of disinformation and misinformation spreading around this site faster than Covid-19, being able to see when a post was ORIGINALLY created is a far more useful feature than an easier way to block people. For reference: I currently have three blogs blocked. Two of them are pornbots. One is a nazi. If I don’t want someone’s content on my dash, I don’t follow them. This “feature” is entirely useless to me.

*A quick note: Pagination is not supported in this beta test, but we're collecting feedback to send to our engineers.

THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST. This beta test might actually be tolerable if I wasn’t trapped into endless scrolling. If I could page through my dash, refreshing it every ten posts or so. You know why? Because once I scroll about 30 posts down my dash, tumblr starts overheating my laptop under the load of ALL THOSE POSTS. Things start malfunctioning-- it takes longer and longer to load new posts the farther I scroll. And the keyboard navigation (both page down and hitting J to advance to the next post, and even just using the down arrow to scroll as I read a long post) freeze and stop functioning. One of my laptop fans has actually begun to malfunction.

You know why this wasn’t a problem on the old version? If the data load got to heavy, I could open a post in a new tab, click view on dash with xkit, and voila! Brand new tab! I could close the malfunctioning tab and everything would be refreshed to normal! But without pagination, THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

Also, after reblogging a few posts, the beta version of this site breaks, and doesn’t open a post tab to add commentary or even tags. It just... reblogs the untagged post with no warning whatsoever. You know... that’s really really not cool. I tag EVERYTHING. Well, almost everything. The tags are the only way to keep track of the 40k+ posts on my blog. And warn people that I am posting potential spoilers, or other specific content. It’s REALLY inconvenient to have to either immediately go to my blog to edit the post and add tags, or even comments. The alternative is to scroll up to open individual posts I want to reblog in a new tab, and then reblog directly there. Ironically enough, THOSE pages actually open with xkit installed, and everything (surprise!) functions perfectly there.

It’s perfectly reasonable to understand why this specific issue has limited the number of posts I reblog. Reblogging content should not be this much of a hassle. Creators have been complaining for a while that reblogs have drastically slowed down, and I think making it even more annoying and difficult to reblog posts will not help this problem.

Also, with xkit enabled, there’s a function that auto-loads images as you scroll, so the images are always visible BEFORE they appear on screen. I don’t have to look at the colored boxes and wonder if this is a post I’ve already seen or something I should sit and wait for. Don’t even think about watching tumblr videos. Loading priority is given to the ads that you cannot pause or dismiss, so that video loads and plays in choppy two second bursts instead of being given priority. Since that’s the content I am actually here to consume, it kinda makes me want to do the opposite of patronizing anyone who advertises here with graphically intense ads. And then when you scroll away, with xkit, gifs and videos you’ve scrolled past STOP loading and playing, which I think might be contributing to the intensity of the resource hogging that’s literally melting down my laptop.

And for reference, I have a pretty decent little gaming laptop. A blogging platform shouldn’t be driving it to the brink of frying itself. I didn’t realize just how much xkit worked to streamline this and provide basic functionality to this site.

*And lastly, if you're an XKit user, know that the XKit team is working hard to update things on their end to make it compatible with the beta dashboard.

And this doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what I’ve lost without xkit. And this is a really REALLY garbage response to user complaints. “Oh, yeah, sorry we made our site suck even worse, but those nice people who do our jobs for free will surely fix our garbage soon!”

Dear wonderful people at @new-xkit-extension, I love you, and I miss you, and while I wish xkit worked with this beta version I’ve been forced into living with, I truly feel for y’all who are trying to deal with this nonsense on behalf of all of us.

And to the folks at Tumblr... maybe try to just... make your site actually more like xkit. You know, actually functional. None of these special new features are useful or functional to me. I respectfully request for a fourth time to be removed from this inane beta test.

Give us OPTIONS. Let us display ALL THE TAGS without having to click a button. Let me have back my Activity+ that actually allowed me to interact with people from my dash! That showed me real-time inline notifications in a way that I could reply to with a single click! Bring me back to my column of open messaging conversation icons so I have easy access to the people I talk with throughout the day instead of closing them all every time I refresh the page. I already feel socially isolated in freaking quarantine, please stop shutting off all my avenues of communication!

Let us have pagination! I mean, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to force heavy users of this site into a beta version that doesn’t allow us to opt out until your engineers had actually figured out how to make it work in a very basic way.

*Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with!

YES. PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM THIS BETA TEST NOW. I have let you know exactly what I want from this site. I just want it to ACTUALLY WORK. For someone who spends 12+ hours a day on this site, this beta test version is NONFUNCTIONAL. PLEASE ALLOW ME TO OPT OUT. I AM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU. I WILL ACTUALLY PAY YOU CASH MONEY TO ALLOW ME TO OPT OUT OF THIS AND GO BACK TO HAVING A FUNCTIONAL BLOG AGAIN. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

PLEASE! 

I AM OFFICIALLY AT THE END OF MY PATIENCE FOR ENDURING THIS NIGHTMARE.

(one final quick note... I’ve only been back on my dash long enough to make the parenthetical edits-- i.e. adding italics that don’t display and then adding the asterisks at the beginning of each section of quoted text, and already my laptop is overheating again. For reference, I originally typed this entire post from within my tumblr inbox page-- which still functions normally with xkit-- and spent over an hour on it. My laptop was fine the entire time. Clearly the issue is this beta version of the website. I will never forgive tumblr if y’all fry my literal only portal to the outside world at this time. PUT ME BACK TO NORMAL NOW. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INFURIATING AND ENTIRELY UNACCEPTABLE. Thanks)

(oops apparently i lied... when the asterisks and the previous final note failed to display, I thought that seemed suspicious, and realized that I literally needed to refresh my entire dash in order to see edited changes. Funny how xkit enabled me to do that in real time, which is just another bit of functionality I’ve lost with this beta program. Please guys, this is really, really not working for me at all, just put it back.)

[pikapeppa]

Fenris/f!Hawke modern AU smut: Work

I wanted to write some SEXTING and some really shameless smut, so modern bartender AU FenRynne it is.

~6300 words; only half of the chapter is posted here. The half with the sexting is only on AO3, sorry. Trying to format the texts in Tumblr would make me want to die.

Featuring art from @schoute​! The SPICY version is on AO3. 

***************************

When Fenris spotted Hawke making her way through the Hanged Man’s lively crowd, he blinked in surprise. She wasn’t scheduled to work tonight.

“Hey, handsome,” she said loudly as she came to stand beside him. 

“Hawke,” he greeted. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, nothing,” she said innocently. Too innocently.

He glanced at her suspiciously. She was wearing her usual leather jacket, but under the jacket was a top that showed the swell of her petite breasts to their full advantage. And instead of her standard jeans, she was wearing a skirt – a tight black skirt that Fenris knew for a fact was made of the sort of slinky material that was very easy to slide up her thighs. 

She looked good. Very good, in fact. Far too good for a random drop-by at their workplace on a night when she wasn’t working. 

He forced his attention back to scanning the Hanged Man for any trouble that might need his intervention. “Why are you here, Hawke?” he asked.

She batted her eyelashes. “What, can’t a girl drop by at work to say hello to her extremely sexy boyfriend?”

“You can,” Fenris said. “But I don’t believe you’re just dropping by.”

A slow smile lifted her raspberry-red lips. “What do you think I’m here for, then?”

He raised an eyebrow, then huffed and folded his arms as he went back to scanning the bar. “If I didn’t know better, I would think you are on a date.”

“And why would you think that?” she asked. 

“Because you look good enough to eat,” he said slyly.

To his surprise, her coy smile melted, and Fenris’s stomach jolted: the look on her face was intense all of a sudden, and it was an abrupt enough change to alarm him. 

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

She licked her lips, then stepped closer to him and hooked her fingers into the belt loop of his pants. “Fenris,” she said, “I have to tell you something.”

“What?” he said tensely. “What is it?”

She stood on her tiptoes and pulled on his arm, and Fenris tilted his head closer to her so he could hear her over the noise of the karaoke singers in the corner. “What’s wrong?” he demanded.

She pressed her lips to his ear. “I’m wet. And I’m not wearing any underwear.”

He froze. She nipped his earlobe with her lips, and he dragged in a breath and leaned away from her teasing lips. “Hawke, you can’t… I’m working,” he said weakly. 

She stepped closer to him and tugged his belt loop. “When’s your break? Is it soon?”

He stared at her, thrown off both by her intensity and by his own body’s reaction to it. Given that he and Hawke had spent practically all of their spare time in the last couple of weeks twisted together in his bed or hers, Fenris would have thought he’d started getting used to her near-constant seduction attempts. But if his stiffening cock was anything to go by, two weeks of constant sex wasn’t nearly enough to build any kind of immunity to her.

He pulled his errant gaze from the dip between her breasts back up to her face. “Can you not wait until I’m off tonight?”

She shook her head. “Please, Fenris. Just a quick one. We can use Varric’s office, he’s not here tonight.”

“What?” he blurted. “No, absolutely not. Hawke–” 

She pulled him down again to whisper in his ear. “When is your break?” 

“In ten minutes,” he rasped. “But–” He broke off with a grunt when she nipped his earlobe again.

He forced himself to step away from her and awkwardly adjusted his posture so his feelings wouldn’t show so much. “What is going on here?” he muttered. He glanced around the bar, both to look for trouble and to see if anyone had noticed his and Hawke’s behaviour. “Why are you so… why can’t you wait until tonight?”

“I tried,” she whined. “I was waiting. I was trying to hold out until the end of your shift, but I got too horny so I, you know. I got busy for a while on my own. But Fenris, it’s not the same.”

“Not the same as what?” he asked.

She stepped right up to him and pressed her palms to his abs. “It’s not the same as having your cock inside me.”

A rush of heat surged low in his belly, but Hawke wasn’t finished. “I took care of myself a few times, but it – it’s not good enough. It just makes me want you to touch me. So Isabela said–”

“Isabela?” Fenris said sharply.  “She – why did she know you were–?”

Hawke winced. “I might have whined to her about how horny I was. She said I should just slap on a skirt and come down here and maybe I’d get lucky if I hit on you while you were working.”

“Of course she did,” Fenris muttered.

Hawke smiled at him, but her cheeks were still flushed, and her fingers were twisting restlessly in the fabric of his t-shirt. “It… look, it seemed like a good idea at the time, probably because my brain melted into my panties. Or maybe I’m just an idiot.”

He squeezed her arm. “I can confirm that you are an idiot,” he said seriously. 

She laughed. Then, to Fenris’s pleasure and dismay, she pressed her groin against his thigh.

He swallowed hard and squeezed her arm more firmly. “Hawke…” 

“Please,” she whimpered. “I know I’m an idiot, but I’m here now. And if I have to wait for another two hours for you to fuck me, I swear I’m going to explode.”

He stared helplessly at her. Her amber eyes were wide and glazed with lust, and her fingers were pressing into his abs, and… venhedis, she was starting to tilt her hips toward his thigh in a subtle grind.

“Hawke…” he breathed.

“No panties,” she murmured. “I’m ready for you. All you have to do is fuck me.” 

He blew out a shaky breath. Then, from the back of the room, there was a crash of breaking glass and some shouting. 

“Back off, shem!” 

“And what’ll you do about it if I don’t, knife-ear?” 

Fenris sighed and gently pushed Hawke away. “I have to deal with this,” he grumbled, and without looking at her, he strode toward the scuffling patrons at the back of the bar. By the time he’d pulled the patrons apart and ejected them from the Hanged Man, Hawke was gone. 

Fenris frowned as he looked around. Had she really left? After all that shameless begging, had she really just gone home? 

The other bouncer, Keran, wandered over to him. “Hey. Are you ready for your break now?”

“Hm?” Fenris said distractedly. “Er, yes. Thank you.” He made his way over to the bar where Piper and Krem were slinging drinks. 

“Have you seen Hawke?” Fenris asked. “Did she leave?”

“She’s in the stockroom,” Piper replied. “She said she wanted to check something.” 

The stockroom? Fenris thought. Why was Hawke in the stockroom? He supposed he should be grateful at least that she wasn’t in Varric’s office. 

He nodded his thanks to Piper, then formed a plan as he made a beeline for the stockroom. He would tell Hawke to go home and wait for him, and then he’d finish off his shift without the constant distraction of her smiling lips and her unruly hands and her slinky black skirt with no panties underneath. And then, when he was no longer at work, he’d give her exactly what she was begging for.

He entered the stockroom and carefully closed the door behind him. At first glance, he couldn’t see her through the packed shelves and the neatly stacked boxes. “Hawke?” he called.

“Back here,” she called back. 

Fenris wound his way carefully around the shelves toward the sound of her voice. She was leaning against one of the shelves, and she smiled slowly as he approached. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” she purred.

He gave her a chiding look, then gestured for her to approach. “Go home and wait for me,” he said. “It is less than two hours.” 

“Not until you kiss me,” she said. 

He frowned at her, and she pulled a mock-sad face. “Can’t a girl request a goodbye kiss from the handsome elf she loves?” she said.

“Not when that girl has extremely obvious motives,” he said dryly.

She nibbled her lower lip and shifted her weight to one hip. “Please? Just one little kiss? Just to tide me over?”

He gazed at her in exasperation, and she took a little step closer to him and tugged the edge of his jacket. “Just one kiss,” she said. “And then I’ll go home.”

He sighed, then tipped her chin up. “Fine,” he murmured. “One kiss. Then you will go home and wait for me.” He lowered his lips to hers and kissed her gently. 

Her lips parted slowly beneath his own. They shared a slow, soft kiss, and Fenris relaxed as he savoured the softness of her lips. Then the tip of her tongue grazed the edge of his lip, and his breath caught in his chest. 

He slanted his mouth more firmly over hers, and her hand rose to cradle the nape of his neck. The next thing he knew, he was delving his tongue into her mouth to stroke the slickness of her tongue as it tangled with his. 

She breathed a little sigh and pressed herself against his chest, and Fenris broke from her kiss and squeezed her hip. “You should go,” he whispered. 

“Soon,” she panted. She stroked his neck and pressed her hip against his groin. “Just one more minute. Kiss me again–”

He kissed her hard, and she whimpered against his lips before he muffled her with his tongue. A breathless heartbeat later, her hip was rubbing against the bulge of his cock, and his wayward hands were smoothing over her waist and then over her ass to pull her more firmly against his body, and… venhedis, there was no point denying it: he wanted her. He wanted her as desperately as she wanted him, and she needed to leave. 

She needed to leave. Fenris needed her to leave the Hanged Man and go home before his overeager cock made him forget why she should.

He broke from her lips. “Hawke–” 

“I want you,” she whined.

“And I am yours,” he whispered. “Just… just not right now.” Then, against his better judgment, he kissed her again. 

She whimpered and plucked at the collar of his jacket, then slid her hand down his arm and pulled his hand away from her ass. She took a smell step back and pushed his hand between her legs, and he stopped breathing altogether: she was pulling his hand up along the inside of her thigh, and his excitement was ratcheting higher at the thought of what awaited him beneath her skirt. 

“Hawke,” he rasped. “This is – I shouldn’t–”

“Just feel how badly I want you,” she whispered. “Just touch me, and then I’ll leave. I promise. I swear.”

He breathed hard and didn’t reply. A torturous moment later, Hawke released his hand and stepped back. “Okay,” she said tremulously. “Okay, you win, I’ll go to your–”

He grabbed her hips, and she gasped in surprise as he pinned her back against the shelf. Then she gasped again when he started pushing up the smooth fabric of her skirt. 

“All right, I’ll feel you,” he panted. “And then – f-fasta vass...” He trailed off with a shaky breath. His fingers were grazing the inside of her thigh, and already they’d found a trickle of slippery moisture. 

She mewled and clutched his shirt, and he pressed his forehead to hers. “I will feel how wet you are, and then you’re going home,” he gritted. 

“Yes,” she whined. “Yes, yes, anything you – fuck!” 

“Shh,” he hissed. His fingers were slipping through her slick and silken folds, and she was so wet that her thighs were painted with it. When his fingers slid higher to brush her clit, he found the precious bud swollen and firm beneath the pad of his finger. 

“Fenris,” she moaned. 

“Quiet,” he grunted. He gently massaged her clit until she was jerking her hips in time with the careful slide of his finger, and then they were both panting with desperate sharpened breaths that grew sharper with every pounding beat of his heart.

Hawke dug her nails into his shoulder and kissed him clumsily before pulling away. “Do you… do you want me to leave?” she panted.

“Not yet,” he said distractedly. Her fists were gripping the collar of his jacket and her face was twisting in that distinct way that heralded her impending climax, and the fact that they were in the storeroom at the Hanged Man and that anyone could walk in at any moment was barely important anymore; what mattered was the fitful jerking of Hawke’s hips and the erratic quality of her breathing, and the slick heat that was coating his fingers as he rubbed the swollen bud between her legs… 

She suddenly gasped. “Fenris–”

He sealed her lips with a kiss, and she came with a whole-body shudder and a moan that he stifled with his tongue. When her shaking started to calm, Fenris angled his wrist and thrust two fingers inside of her.

Her spine arched, and she gasped into his mouth. “Fuck!” she cried.

He hastily covered her mouth with his other hand. “You have to be quiet,” he insisted. 

She nodded furiously, but he could still hear her moaning through his palm, and her hips were rolling toward him to take his fingers deeper. He shook his head ruefully, then shifted his hand from her mouth to cradle her neck.

“Hawke,” he whispered. “Be silent.”

She smiled at him. “So bossy,” she said breathlessly. “You can use that – that bossy voice anytime with me…” She trailed off with a soft moan and twisted her hips toward him, and he curled his fingers inside of her until she gasped. 

“Fucking Maker’s balls,” she whined, and Fenris huffed in exasperation. Was she totally incapable of being quiet? 

He curled his fingers slowly, drawing a fitful mewl from her lips, then nipped her neck and her ear. “Shut up, Hawke,” he growled. 

She burst out a little laugh. “Smooth talker,” she breathed. Then the storeroom door opened. 

Hawke froze, and Fenris hastily pulled his hand out of her skirt. Then Piper’s voice called out. “Fenris, your break is over. Keran’s wondering what the fuck happened to you.”

Her voice was laced with a drawl of humour. Hawke slapped her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter, and Fenris gave her a chiding look before replying to Piper. “I’m coming,” he called back.  

“Uh-huh,” Piper said drolly, and he heard the sound of the storeroom door swinging shut. 

Hawke grinned at him. “Not yet, you aren’t,” she whispered. 

Fenris scowled at her, but she was laughing so hard now that her shoulders were shaking, and he couldn’t help but smile at her. “Go home or I’ll throw you out,” he threatened. 

“Ooh. I’m so scared,” she teased. 

He abruptly pinned her against the shelf again and pressed his hips to hers. “Go home right now and wait for me,” he growled. 

She gasped and nodded eagerly, and Fenris stepped away to let her slip past him. He watched with a combination of frustration and amusement as she hurried out of the storeroom, then quickly adjusted himself before following her out with as much decorum as he could muster.

Read the rest on AO3!

[thetriggeredhappy]

ok so i wanna talk tech really quick for a second because i got the reply up above and i wanna talk abt it (name cut out because i don’t wanna be rude)

so putting stuff under a readmore is like, the first step of formatting that i do (which i need to do by lightning-quick editing the post, same time that i add the tags) because the absolute last thing i want to do it clog up someone’s dash or the main tags or anything like that, because that’s the worst. so i immediately panicked when i saw this because oh shit did i forget a readmore?

it looks like on mobile in the app it shows up correctly in tags, on the dashboard, and on my blog’s page, and when logged in on PC it shows up correctly in the tags, on the dashboard, and on my blog’s page when the page is sidebarred. but on mobile in a browser viewing my blog and on PC when my blog is its own tab, the readmores don’t show up.

so,, i spent about half an hour muddling through trying to figure out how to fix that. that involved two web browsers and a phone, all with tumblr fired up at the same time, all trying to edit posts so they show up with a readmore. it didn’t get me much of anywhere, and at this point i’m starting to think the default tumblr theme just doesn’t support its own formatting which is fuckin wild to me

so, couple options. option one, ask y’all if you know how to fix it—so, anyone know how to fix that? option two, start answering requests with a link to the fic on AO3—luckily i already have a place where i’m archiving requests for when tumblr starts getting mad about formatting, but it would be a good few extra steps and would mean going back through all the request posts and replacing them with a link, and would also be an extra step for anyone who wanted to read my stuff. option three, one i don’t like much, be okay with people being inconvenienced and unable to read my stuff, if you’re on desktop you can press J to scroll through to the end of the post and if you’re using a mobile browser to view my tumblr i’m sorry about your luck and also just get the goddamn app, mobile browser tumblr is a fuckin nightmare

i would definitely prefer to just fix it but i’m really not sure how. if anyone has any ideas i’m all ears—maybe a different tumblr theme that might work? idk. also if i’m wrong and these show up for you without a readmore on them on your dashboard or in the tags please tell me that too.