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boog-shitposting-edition · 4 years

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So I been playing a ton of Kenshi and watched all of the Mandalorian in a single day shortly before and it’s got me thinking about what makes what I consider a good action hero, because there was definitely a time where I thought the phrase “good action hero” was an oxymoron.

I grew up around some angry, unstable dudes who had that bad habit of watching horror movies and opining that in the same situation they would simply shoot the monster with the gun the character was holding. I got some views on the model of masculinity that sees the male ideal as functionally a tool for performing violence, condescension and occasional reddit-approved banter with all other emotional responses pared away or suppressed. This seems like a good way to manufacture a product for performing labor rather than developing a whole functional human being. So I generally veer away from that sort of thing pretty hard.

So I’m resistant to the Mandalorian at first, right? All the ads are basically star wars apocryphica and a power armored fighty gun boy. The last star wars thing I’d seen was The Rise Of Skywalker and my faith in the franchise is low. But it’s been a hot minute, the hype dies down, and my girlfriend is a better and more patient fan than I’ll ever be so we give it a go. And the first thing that really nails it for me is what a DORK the mando is. I’m delighted, his life is violence interdispersed with being an absolute buttfumble disaster. He slips and falls over things he could never have predicted, he burns his life down for a baby he finds in the desert. Pedro Pascal references Boba Fetts stiff menace and plays it off as someone who has no social skills other than stiff menace and it’s FASCINATING. Him explaining to the village woman who is obviously into him that he hasn’t taken the armor off since he was thirteen isn’t a badass declaration of martial devotion, it is the single saddest and most awkward interaction I have ever seen filmed and it hits all the harder for the fact that this is a character I’ve mostly ever seen as an action figure with a spring loaded missile backpack. Instead of being a faceless emotionless action-cudgel, Pedro amps up the body language in his acting to really sell you this heavily psychologically damaged, desperate, viking-space-catholic mess with no life skills other than violence and a devotion to his people’s creed that borders on obsession. Rather than paring himself down making him a psychological fortress, the Mando is an incredibly obvious walking raw nerve (”I’m not sad-” “Yes you are.”) So, Kenshi.

I’ve heard about this game on and off a few years and finally got it a few days ago. It’s been in early access since 2012, appears to be mostly getting finished by its modding community, and glitches like absolute woah. There’s no core storyline, just a post-apocalyptic setting with some surprisingly detailed autogenerated NPC interactions with some options for starting conditions and the sole goal of surviving. It’s essentially a rapid sequence of story prompts hidden underneath a closely interlocked system of XP grinding, survival mechanics and dismemberment algorithms, and is appallingly my shit.

My first run at the game got pretty far, went from a lone confused desert wanderer to a 13 man village running a tidy copper-mining operation to trade with the ant people. In the early game, fight mechanics are basically a death sentence; my first character immediately got her leg torn off by a goat and I had to restart. All skills grow only by excersizing them; you have to fight to get better at fighting, you have to LOSE fights to gain toughness, and when you lose a fight the consequences can range from “these bandits are stealing all your food” to “this monster is eating your leg/heart/head” to “these slavers are taking your character away and your game experience is Different now.” And while I was proud of myself for finding a way to survive, grow and thrive with a low-combat squad, once I tried the basebuilding mechanics that basically just meant my town was a source of free food and money for local bandits while my squad starved to death, unable to abandon our locale. So I got fed up and restarted.

As mentioned the game gives you different start positions; wanderer gives you 1 character, some money and pants. Guy and his dog gives you a dog, which is fun. Exiled officer starts you with good skills and the hatred of your former commander, which complicates things. Cannibal Hunters starts you already in a fistfight with 30 cannibals. It’s exciting times. But I figure this time I’d like to start my squad a LITTLE more capable of defending themselves, so I look at the Holy Sword start; you’re a bandit who starts with a stolen holy weapon, minuses in most skills, no money and a 20,000 bounty on your head from both major factions.

So I proceed to character creation and notice I can pick whatever I want for player species/subspecies with this start. There’s robot people and warriors made of stone and baseline humans and all sorts of fun options, but you remember those ant people I mentioned before? In game they’re called the Hivers, you find ‘em in 3 recruitable varieties (prince, worker drone and soldier) and they have an interesting in-universe quirk; ones that grow up in the hive are pheramone-addicted, chemically wired into the needs and wants of all of their fellows, but if you’re away from your kin for over a fortnight this addiction dries out incredibly fast and cannot be reinstated. Hivers who ever spend any time away from the hive are declared “lost ones,” and are often taken advantage of in the outside world as they long for a new community.

In survival sims I dont often play dedicated fighters, I always feel like being a brutal fight-beast isn’t really in the spirit of finding a niche to exploit and growing from a fumbling plebian to a major power. But I was already starting this game with my ONLY advantage being a nice sword. And the soldier hivers gain a buff to experience gained for melee attack and toughness, and a debuff to literally all else.

Manual labor. Science. Engineering. Farming. Cooking. First aide. In a setting that heavily prioritized your ability to survive using multiple vital skill sets, my character would start with negatives in his skills for putting on band-aids and FEEDING himself. So I gave it a go.

Getting more wild here, it turns out the Holy Sword opening also takes place in a time in the setting with more recent warfare, so a bunch of the starting villages are destroyed and it appears that more of the nearby cities are controlled by the factions that have a bounty on me. So my character CAN’T rely on other people or meet anyone to recruit at first. He can run, he can scrounge and scavenge, and as mentioned above starting characters can take lethal damage from GOATS so he can’t even hunt for food; the only way I was getting a meal was if I robbed someone or ran into merchants on the road I could hawk my salvage to for a scrap of bread.

He eventually finds someone willing to join him on his travels in spite of being flat broke, a shek named Ruka running from a dishonerable loss on the battlefield, and comparing their skills he’s so useless for everything besides combat that I assign him to bodyguard her. And again, this game’s appeal is that the survival mechanics make good story prompts, so imagine that in character.

“Fine, I need a change. I’ll join you.” “Thank god. Lead the way boss.” “What?”

Things regarding my characters bounty are starting to heat up in town, so we head north into hiver territory. We get attacked by bandits and heavily injured, my soldier gets knocked out, so Ruka picks him up and carries him until we find a hive town. I saw these guys all the time in my last playthrough, I survived by selling to them, they’re super friendly, should be fine. Ruka walks into the local shop and before I can have her ask for directions and a medikit the shopkeeper is already shouting- “SKREEE! LOST ONE! GET OUT! LOST ONES BRING MADNESS”

Apparently, my protagonist being a hiveless hiver means there’s a THIRD faction that’s hostile to him; his own goddamn people. Ruka has to leave him under a tree not just outside but like 50 feet from the edge of town, and just has to hope none of the local wild megafauna eats him while she rushes back in to buy things from the now abruptly friendlier shopkeep.

I’m finally sitting there, having Ruka watch my soldier hiver sleep while she cooks scavanged meat and waits for him to finish healing, that I realize what the story being generated here is and it’s a good one; a Hive soldier whose only skills are violence, frantically scavenging and stealing to survive until he can find the one circumstance where he’s comfortable, sacrificing himself to protect others. He steals a sword that’s obviously important to two major governments, just because he knows it’s powerful and thinks that power will justify his continued existence as a hiveless soldier drone, essentially buying his way back into his people’s good graces by performing his function. Literally wandering the world until he found a single person who was willing to boss him around again and devoting himself to their defense to a state of pathological damage just to feel like he has a hive again. It’s sad. It’s badass. It’s deeply, unsettlingly pathetic.

But I also think it’s what makes a really really good gruff action hero!

Hypercompetence in violence is really interesting when you acknowledge the damage it can do to your humanity in the storytelling! The Mandalorian is unsuccessful in repressing his empathy response so he just tries to tough through the pain it causes him as best he can, until he meets The Child and it snaps. The Hiver is essentially playing pretend at being still valued as a product for committing violence, even in the face of being openly rejected for his previously esteemed role. This stuff is INTERESTING.

TL;DR version, a lot of these “supersoldier raised by the military/fight wizards/karate” characters are super boring and obnoxious when they’re put forward as power fantasies, and really interesting when you realize that being raised by Fight Wizards is why they’ve never had a girlfriend and called their handgun “mom” once.

#kenshi #star wars #mandalorian

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shaydeoffical · 4 years

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Bright as a Diamond. Hitoshi Shinsou x Fem Reader: Chapter Six

Warnings: Violence, Stalker, Drugged, Reader Injury, Blood

Series Summary: When (Y/N)’s co-worker decided to send a picture of her making a diamond to the paper, her life was over. Gemstone based quirks weren’t all that rare, but being able to make a diamond put a target on her back. After years of hiding in the city, it’s time to hide in the countryside with her Uncle Shota Aizawa and his more than ‘roommate’ Hizashi Yamada. With the promise of training her to be self-sufficient, she’s ready to learn.

Chapter Summary: (Y/n) goes into town to meet up with her co-worker, but things do not go to plan.

Chapter Five: here or https://ambershaydeoffical.tumblr.com/post/612522066443436032/bright-as-a-diamond-hitoshi-shinsou-x-fem-reader

Chapter Seven: Seven. (I finally figured out the hyperlink)

Chapter Six

This Day was Going to be Perfect

My morning bike ride had been refreshing. I had a chance to watch the sunrise, then make it to a café for breakfast. With my cat backpack from grade school, as the only purse I could find, I had my money tucked away safely. I looked ridiculous, but I wasn't trying to impress anyone. This was just two buds hanging out and mending the past. There was nothing for me to worry about, least of all my appearance.

With my bike firmly chained to the gate, I ducked inside the quite cafe. The lobby wasn't super busy, and I found a booth to rest in while I prepared myself for the week. With my pastry and hot chocolate, I began reading over the requirements for my next project. School had been on the back burner for far too long, and it was time I try to get ahead.

Taking a long swig of my hot cocoa, I choked it down. What shocked me wasn't the temperature, but Kira plopping down on the other side of my booth. I was supposed to see his apartment later in the day, but this wasn't planned. Damn it.

"Good morning," he sang, holding two cups of coffee. "I say you drank yours, so I got us both one. You seem like a sweet girl, so I made sure there was extra sugar for you." He pushed one cup towards me, then pushed his long black hair back. His sullen eyes glancing at my bruised knuckles.

"Umm, good morning." I nursed my half-full hot chocolate and put my phone away. "My drink is still good, thanks though."

"Oh nonsense, I paid for the premium blend." He pushed the cup to my side of the table. Leaning his elbows on the table, he propped his head on his hands and cocked it to the side. Waiting for me to drink.

"Not a coffee girl," I admitted pushing it back, looking at my textbook. Maybe I could multi-task. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, this is my go-to shop." He pushed the cup across to my side. "What has you here so early, princess?" A shudder went down my spine.

"Just studying." I pulled out my phone, trying to act unfazed. He was just trying to be nice. Stay calm, you have to work together, and he has always been odd.

"It's a good thing I ran into you; we can spend the morning together too." He sipped his own coffee, spitting some back out. His thin brows knitted together before he giggled. "Hot"

"I really have to focus on this assignment, so t-" Pointing to my next book, he smacked his hands against the table.

"Wait, there's this super cool comic book store down the street you'd love." He grabs my hands and pulls me up. I grab my cup and he takes his, pulling us out of the café.

He tugged me down the street like an excited child. He had lived in the city center and knew it better than me on any good day. The shop he had taken me two was filled with hero merch. Ground Zero, Deku, Allmight, Urvaity, Froppy, Chargebolt littered the walls and aisles.

"You like that Eraser guy right, they have some vintage posters in the back." Never letting go of my hand, he caught the eye of several people. Some gushing at the cute couple, it made me want to peel back my skin and scurry home. "Here, I'll get whatever you want."

Tuning him out for a moment, I saw a small pin set on sale. It was the debut merch for Shinso. His little mask covering most of his face. I picked it up and turned it over to read the back. It was snatched from my hand before I could see the details.

"He's a little too young for you to be fawning over." Kira sat it back on the shelf, taking my coffee cup, and placing a Midnight plushie in my hand. "You and Midnight have a lot in common. Beautiful, full-figured, and fierce."

"I think you confuse curvy and full-figured. She's just blessed with a rocking body." I sat the plushie back down, now insecure of my outfit. It was just a long sleeve dorky otter tee shirt, a loose denim mini skirt with a peplum bottom, and some black legging. But I wished I had a sweater on and some jogging pants. I didn't dress like it was a date, but the way Kira's eyes wandered over my form, I felt exposed. This wasn't a date, why was he acting like this?

"Oi, you're that girl," a shopkeeper came over and looked me up and down. "The one who can make crystals." With those words, the situation got that much worse.

"You're got the wor-"

"She is. Why ya want to know." Kira slung an arm around my shoulder, and I froze. He squeezed me to his side and shaking me a bit.

"He's got it all wrong, I- I get confused for her a lot, but that's not me."I tried to smooth it over to no avail.

"She makes the best gems in the world. The only known diamond crafter to be born." Kira grinned like a cat, sliding his hand down my back, dangerously close to my ass.

"I'm not her."

"Can you make a replicate of kryptonite for me?" The boy asked, grabbing a comic like I didn't know Superman. "Like its green and glows. See, it's an organic shape or can you only do fancy shapes."

"She can, but she doesn't make freebies." Kira kept talking for me, blood rushing through my ears. "Depending on the size, quality, and time frame, we'll need compensation." We? I stomped Kira's foot, and he lost his grip. Darting out of the store and back up the street, I paused, forgetting where I left my bike. I downed the rest of my drink but coughed, realizing it was Kira's coffee. Being a good citizen, I tossed it in the trash and went back on my way. What a fucking bastard.

"(Y/n), please wait. Come on, I didn't mean to make you mad." He blocked my path and held up his hands. "Your quirk makes you special. You should get some perks for it. I was about to score us some free merch."

"I don't want free stuff, I want to be safe. People knowing that I can do that sort of stuff makes my life harder." I snapped, crossing my arms, staying vague as possible for people on the street.

"I like you," He blurts, reaching out to touch my cheek. "If we were together, I could protect you. I have a powerful quirk." His fingers turned to razor blades, and he pointed them at me. "Look at how special I am. No one would ever touch you with me around." He fisted the air, trying to show off.

"Listen, I don't want a relationship right now." I pulled out my phone and sent my location to Shota, with a danger symbol. After I hit send, my phone was knocked to the ground.

"Look at me." He grabbed my hand and dragged me into the alley. The urge to run coursed through me, but I couldn't do it. He was my work friend. He was frazzled and may be unstable, I had to play my cards right. "Good girl," he held my head up, the blade just under my chin.

"I don't like you like that. Listen, let's pretend this didn't happen, and we go back to work like normal." I slurred my words, holding to the wall for support. "You need to let me go." An exhaustive fog spread over my body.

"Make me one of your diamonds." He ran his blade down my throat, resting at the edge of my shirt. "Make it one of a kind, like our love."

"I won't." My knees gave out, and he shoved his knee between my legs, but he wasn't strong enough to catch me. My knees busted against the concrete. "What- what's happening to me…"

"You're sick, you need to rest darling." Kira returned his fingers to normal. Resting them against my chin, pushing my hair back. "Make me a diamond, and we can go home."

"Fuck off," shoving his hands away, I clamored to my feet and staggered towards the street.

"Wrong answer," his blades were on my throat again, he had his face buried in my hair. "Come on, walk with me."

"Stop-p it," I couldn't keep myself together, bending with his will, I followed him deeper into the alley. Small nicks against my skin. "Le-tt go."'

"You're almost home now." He purred. "We'll have a room of diamonds, you can display your best for me. You can cook and clean for me as thanks."

"No," Stomping his foot again, I lurched forward when his hand went back. He cut my forehead while grasping for me. "Help." This time Kira pulled me up by my hair, a scream erupting from my throat.

"Shh, darling," he cooed in my ear.

"Who do you think you are?" A new voice entered the alley. Kira froze in his place and let me down, so my hair was slack again.

"Shinso," my vision was blurry, but I could see his purple mop. I reached out for his form, and a finger went across my arm. A searing pain throbbed over my body, but I refused to scream. I nursed my wound, trying to stop the bleeding. My eyes pleading for Shinso to save me.

"Answer me, asshole," Shinso remained calm, walking closer. He wouldn't look at me, but I knew he was a pro that these situations. Even if this went down poorly, we'd be okay. Shinso was a pro, and I was banking on that training.

"You're mine," the blades were resting on my throat. Kira was whispering in my ear. He jerked me up by hair again. Hot tears streaked my face as I tried to stay awake. The haze was starting to block out the sun.

"What do you think you're doing with (Y/n)?" Shinso's voice was louder this time. He wouldn't let me die. He was a hero.

"Let me go, Kira," I whispered, unable to keep my head up, dangerously close to falling on his sharp hand. "Shinso, please…"

"Speak up, coward!" Shinso growled, tossing a rock at Kira.

"She's m-"

"Deactivate your quirk," Shinso ordered, and Kira retracted his blades. "Let her go. Then walk to the police station and turn yourself in."

Crashing to the asphalt, I tried to stay upright but failed. Landing in my own blood. "Shinso?" I whimpered, closing my eyes. Kira hoovered over me a few moments.

"Walk to the police station." Shinso spat, and this time he went.

"Hitoshi?" I pulled my sticky arm from my chest and held my head up. Everything was spinning so fast.

"I'm right here." His boots crunched the earth; it sounded so much louder than the blood rushing in my ears. His shirt ripping echoed through the alley, and the fabric was tired around my arm. My body being pulled upright.

"I don't feel right. I can't focus." His chest was so warm as he pulled me in his arms. He was more robust than I expected, so strong.

"Did he offer you a drink? Could he have slipped you something?" Lips right by my ear, whispering. His fingers tied things over my injuries and worked to apply first aid.

"Coffee," I was scooped up and carted back to the street. Was he always so strong? "I thought he was just kind of weird. I didn't t-" I shut down, ashamed it happened.

"It's going to be okay. You did nothing wrong. " I could see his car hazard light still going, parked right in front of the café. He fumbled for his car keys and sat me in the passenger side. Buckling me in, then glancing around the street.

"Don't leave me, Hitoshi." I clenched his shirt when he tried to go back to the driver's side.

"I won't. I promise."

#shinsou x reader #shinsou hitoshi #hitoshi x reader #hitoshi shinso x reader #my hero academia #bright as a diamond #ambershaydeoffical #blood #violence #stalker #durgged #trigger warning #enimies to lovers #series #bnha x reader

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misc-headcanons · 4 years

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Luffy: Hey, since you guys got here before us, have you seen some of our other friends? A guy named Kin'emon, a kid named Momonosuke...

Maple: (frowns) Wait...you mean...them?

(She points at the gravestones, adorned with gifts and flowers. Luffy runs to the graves and is shocked to see Kin'emon and Momonosuke names on two of the stones. As he grieves, the group hears another man coming down from the path leading to the castle)

Kin'emon: Who's causing all this ruckus?

Luffy: KIN'EMON!

Kiku: There you are! (The two of them run up to reunite with Kin'emon)

Vanilla: Wait, so...Maple's spell worked? Look, he's right there!

Maple: You can't touch a spirit, though. That's just a regular person. (She looks at the graves intently.) Now I'm sure nobody was ever buried here. That's it, I'm asking this guy what's going on. (As she walks over to Kin'emon, Fritter leaves her and walks over to where Vanilla, Dochi, and Ube are eagerly chatting with Law and Zoro. He summons the courage to pat Zoro's arm to get his attention, and looks up at him with caution.)

Fritter: You promise you're not a murderer?

Zoro: I didn't kill those people. I promise.

Fritter: ... (he relaxes slightly and looks up at the scar on Zoro's eye) Um, do you want 'Nilla or Maple to look at your eye? They might be able to make it better.

Zoro: Nah, it's fine. (He tries to find a way out of the following awkward silence) Um. I like your hat.

Fritter: Thanks! I like your earring. It's dangly.

Zoro: ...Yep.

(Vanilla is talking to Law, admiring his "cute fluffy hat", his tattoos, and his clothing.)

Vanilla: Ooh, is that your Jolly Roger on your robe? It's so cute! What's your crew called?

Law: The Heart Pirates. Luffy and I have made an alliance, so if you're going to be traveling with us you'll probably meet them at some point.

Vanilla: So how long have you been friends with Luffy? Papa's only known him for a little bit, but they fought each other at first. Did you fight Luffy before too?

Law: We aren't friends; we're just allies.

Vanilla: Oh, so you aren't friends yet? That's OK, some people like to know people for a while before they say they’re friends.

Law: That's not--

Vanilla: Can we be friends too, Mr. Law? Um, unless you want to know me for a while. Then we can wait before we're really friends, that's OK too.

Law: I...okay. Sure.

Vanilla: Yay!

(Dochi and Ube are eyeing Kiku's sword and scabbard, fascinated by how gracefully Kiku holds herself while carrying it.)

Ube: So you're a real-life samurai? That's so cool! A lot of my aunties and uncles are really good fighters, but none of them are SAMURAI. Can you cut a tree in half with one slice of your sword?

Kiku: I've never felt the need to, but I probably could, yes. Hmm... (she examines Dochi's katana.) This sword was made here in Wano. Where did you get it?

Dochi: When we came across the first town here, the blacksmith and the other shopkeepers gave us stuff to thank Maple for giving them some magic items. I've used one-handed and two-handed swords before, and this one had the best "feel" to it. I was gonna see if Maple could help me enchant it, but she said I need to spend more time using it so I know what spell would be the right fit.

Kiku: So, you all know how to use magic?

Dochi: Maple's the best at it, but yeah, we all know a little. See? Vanilla made some flowers for the graves over there with Maple's pipe. (She points at the flowers blooming near the gravestones. Kiku glances at Vanilla, who's still talking animatedly with Law.) We wanted to to be respectful and stuff, since we were gonna stay at the castle when we weren't really guests. But Maple wasn't able to sense anyone at the graves. And if MAPLE can't tell there's a spirit there, then something's definitely weird.

Ube: Yeah. If one of us couldn't tell, it'd be different. I'm really good at making fire, but talking to ghosts and demons and stuff is more of Mama and Maple's thing.

Dochi: And even though you're good at making fire, you aren't that good at controlling it yet. (She smirks and faces Kiku, showing off her fangs as she smiles.) Heh, he's burned off his eyebrows so many times that it's weirder for us to see him with eyebrows than him without any!

(Ube playfully elbows her, and they laugh as they play-fight a bit. Kiku smiles, almost nostalgically, but Fritter notices her smile vanish and turn a bit melancholy after a moment. The group then follows Kin'emon to the castle, and Luffy quickly explains who the children are to Kin'emon. While they're talking, Maple tells her siblings that she was right--the gravestones didn't have any spirits, but Kin'emon was hesitant about explaining what had happened to some random children he had just met.)

Dochi: So, he's not gonna tell us anything? Why not?

Ube: Yeah, we're supposed to just go along without knowing what's going on just because we're young?

Maple: He may be trying to look out for us, not wanting to scare us or anything. That, or he doesn't trust us and wants to make sure we don't learn anything that could put their plan in jeopardy. But Uncle Monty taught me to always gather as much information as possible before making a decision; it's why intel and communications are so important to big pirate crews like Grandma's. How are we supposed to help these guys if we don't even know what's going on?

Ube: So what, are we just gonna eavesdrop on them or something?

Maple: (raises an eyebrow) Uncle Monty also taught me not to talk about eavesdropping when the people you want to listen to are literally two feet in front of you. (She turns her head slightly to look accusingly at Kin'emon.) I guess not everyone knows that...

(Kin'emon's cheeks turn a bit pink as he realizes he's been caught.)

Kin'emon: Hmph. Impudent child...I've never met a youngster as rude and impudent as you! Show your elders some respect!

Maple: Not to be too rude--since you're our host and everything, and our "elder"-- but I was taught that respect is earned and not given. Especially to grumpy old men who can't listen in on some "impudent youngsters" for more than a few seconds without getting caught.

(Kin'emon glares at her, but Kiku gives him a stern look in order to keep him from escalating into an argument with literal children. He quickly looks away to pretend that he hasn't been eavesdropping on their conversation; Ube and Dochi notice and snicker.)

#one piece #one piece oc #oc #Dochi #maple #ube #vanilla #fritter

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hornedbooty · 5 years

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/20642462

got inspired! wrote some wuhluhwuhs. you can read it on ao3 or here under the read more!

Keyleth was the worst choice for a lookout.

She was perfectly fine to come on a shopping trip, with Vex. She was totally set to hang out, with Vex. In fact, when she had been hanging out in the garden and trying to save a wilted rosemary bush in the measly collection she had there in Greyskull Keep and Vex had walked up with a glint in her eyes, she was totally on board. She would always be on board for Vex.

But usually it was Vax or Scanlan pulling off some heist or gathering information. Not to say that people couldn’t branch out, she’s seen Scanlan lift some heavy shit. And Vax can be charming. Very charming! Super charming.

Keyleth had just been expecting a really nice day out with Vex. She had been picturing roaming through shops, watching Vex card through the fancy clothes while she banters with the shopkeep, pretending she was busy with the first glittery thing she saw so she didn’t watch her friend any longer than the usual few seconds. Keyleth had a routine, she had a semi-plan set up! She was a woman with a mission!

Nothing ever went to plan for them, though, Which she should’ve expected.

Instead, Vex had taken her by the hand, said some very important things that she definitely did not hear clear enough, and now they were totally doing something illegal. Keyleth had been standing outside the opening to the office for a good few minutes now, only hearing a faint click or a small whir from inside occasionally. A footstep echoed, and she jumped, peering in the direction she thought it came from. Waiting a few seconds, she sighed in relief when no one came up.

“Keyleth, darling?” said Vex from deep inside the darkened room, and the druid poked her head inside.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Nothing, I’m doing well. Just wanted to hear your pretty voice.”

Keyleth felt her cheeks immediately flare red and she awkwardly scooted back out of the doorway, pressing herself flat against the rocky stone wall. “Okay! Neat! Cool.” she squeaked back, hearing a laugh from Vex inside. Keyleth tried to frown against the smile growing on her face before adding on, “Just call if you need me!”

“Will do.” Vex replied, and Keyleth wiped at her cheeks with the palm of her hand. Stupid face, she got red so quickly.

A clatter in the darkened corridor right outside the door, and close to her, which sent Keyleth into a panic. She fumbled with her staff before veering to the direction of the sound, squinting to make out a shape. A small black shape moved just a bit, and she braced herself to call for Vex.

Instead of a big angry human person, out of the shadows came a small, young cat. It mewed, swishing its calico tail and watching her with big orange eyes. Keyleth blinked, then smiled as she relaxed against the stone. Just a tiny cat.

She went back to watching both sides of the corridor, one hand on her staff and the other playing with the fringe of a cloak she borrowed from Vex.

The hood had enough room to encompass her antlers, and it made her whole visage way more mysterious than the usual very recognizable clothes she wore on missions. It also made it seem like she had horns! Which was kind of neat.

Maybe she should get one for herself. They were really useful. Or she could just ask Vex for this one. Smiling to herself, Keyleth brought the fabric up to her cheek, thumb running against the thread.

She glanced back over to where the cat had been, now gone and probably stalking around a different alleyway. Watching the end of the alley, which led to the street, Keyleth continued to survey the space around her.

A barely audible yowl pricked her ears, and her head swiveled to the end of the alley again. A few beats passed, and she saw the same cat from earlier streaking past, a flash of orange and black accompanied by the sound of jeering from farther down.

Keyleth didn’t even hesitate to bolt through the open door. She narrowly missed an askew table, and hip checked the other doorway deeper in. She found Vex fiddling with a safe, the floorboards removed and placed to the side in an even pile. If she wasn’t in such a hurry, Keyleth would spend a few minutes being absolutely charmed by the messy braided bun Vex had put her hair into.

“Someone’s coming.” Keyleth hissed quietly. Vex cursed under her breath and hastily grabbed a few bundles of paper. She helped her put the floorboards back in place, which only looked a little loose. Considering the hurry they were in, it was a wonderful job.

The papers in the bag at Vex’s side, Keyleth stood from the floor. The voices could now be barely heard from how deep they were into the room. Quickly, she helped Vex stand up and pulled her along into a corner she’d noticed when running through.

“Fuck. Shit. They’re right outside, aren’t they? How are we going to do this?” Vex muttered under her breath, eyes darting across the room. Keyleth gulped, and fumbled for Vex’s hand. If it wasn’t for the situation, she could’ve mistaken the sudden flush across the ranger’s face for something else, but she wasn’t focused on that.

“Wait right by the door. I’ll dart out, lead them deeper into the alley, then wildshape into something and catch up with you. Okay?” Keyleth glared into Vex’s gaze, holding it. Vex opened her mouth to protest, she could see it in her eyes, but Keyleth felt a sudden burst of resolve in her chest.

“No.” Her fingers tightened around Vex’s, and the other’s eyes widened, stunned. The retort died on her lips. Keyleth mustered up a smile, her heart thundering and aware her fingers were probably very clammy. Oh dear. “We’re doing this. It’s happening. Come on.”

Keeping the grip, Keyleth pulled her along and towards the door. The lack of resistance made her feel a little more confident about this, because holy fuck this was crazy, what was she doing, she couldn’t sneak for anything, w-

They had reached the door, and she was shocked back to the present by Vex pulling on her hand. She turned back to look at her, about to argue her point again even if she was really not sure she could pull this off. Keyleth only saw the look of unsure steeliness in Vex’s eyes for a moment before she felt her gloved hand on her jaw, turning her face so Vex could plant a kiss on her cheek. It was hasty, hurried, and the corner of her lips pressed just barely against Keyleth’s, and the druid very quickly short-circuited.

“Be careful, Keyleth. I won’t be able to live with myself if I have to watch you get dragged away in chains or something. Really, it’s my fault I brought you with me.”

Keyleth had to blink a few times to regain any ability to say anything that wasn’t packed with stuttering. “I-I will. Yeah. Don’t worry. I’ll meet you back at Greyskull, okay? Just keep running when you get the cue. And the cue is when they’re coming after me. You be. You be careful too.” She offered another weak smile, which Vex returned. She let go of Vex’s hand, and they shared one last long look before Keyleth gripped the door handle.

She threw it open, and wasted no time. In a flash, she was out of the door. With a sharp right and her hood thrown up over her head and antlers, Keyleth was taking off as fast as she could. She’d felt her arm brush with someone else’s and, on the way out, heard a loud gruff shout of orders. Through the roaring of adrenaline in her ears, she could barely make out maybe three or four sets of heavy footsteps. Ahead, the alley ended in an almost complete stop. There were small gaps that were the spaces between the assorted buildings. If she wanted, a mouse could easily run between those. Or an air escape, with a hawk or robin that could fly right above their heads.

A sharp, familiar thwip flew by her ear, followed by a prick of pain. Keyleth’s hand moved up, and she felt a small trickle of blood as she watched an unfamiliar arrow embed itself in the wall ahead. Well. A mouse was totally out of the question then. She would be stuck in a gap if hit with one of those . But with a bird, she risked the chance of going down in midair.

By now Vex should be out of sight and at least on the way to Greyskull. So this was up to her. With a deep breath, she risked a glance behind her. Like she thought, there were three men, weapons drawn and a single bow at the ready.

The end of the alley was coming fast, and in quick impulsiveness, Keyleth threw her hand behind her, aimed at the archer. A sunbeam shot out of her palm, and hit the man’s bow spot on. He cried out in half-pain, half-surprise as the simple wood disintegrated in his palm. The other men almost skidded to a stop too, as a look of realization crept onto their faces. Their heads whipped back to Keyleth, but in that split second her form had collapsed into a simple golden hawk. She had used her momentum and the rest of the space between herself and the wall to soar upwards. With a few flaps of her wings, she was high above the buildings and looking down.

Her plan was to fly back to Greyskull Keep, like they had planned. A glance down, however, changed her plans. She could see a Vex-like figure still lingering at the mouth of the alley. Quickly she descended, the soldiers still clustered at the end of the alley trying to figure out where she had gone. Apparently they hadn’t seen the giant hawk.

She flew down low, gliding on the wind. Vex was still peering down the alley, and she glanced towards Keyleth, then did a double take. With a laugh, Keyleth shifted back mid-flight, hand outstretched where her wing had been and grabbing onto Vex’s free hand. There was a shout from the soldiers, but it didn’t matter. Keyleth was pulling Vex again again, the two of them twisting and ducking into whatever streets and alleys had an entrance and exit. Her heart was thundering in her chest, an uncontrollable grin stretching across her face.

“I thought we agreed on Greyskull!” Keyleth shot a look back at Vex, who was visibly dumbfounded and ecstatic. There was a warm, intense look in her eyes that sent a shiver down Keyleth’s spine, and she quickly looked ahead again.

“I know, but there was a lot more guards than I expected and I didn’t want to leave you in case something did go wrong, darling. It looks like you didn’t need any help at all after all.” Vex said back.

Keyleth quickly pulled the two of them into another alley, this one shadowed and allowing them to huddle in the darkness. Panting, she grinned.

“Yeah! That went way better than I was expecting, honestly! Did you-did you see the sunbeam? I hit him square on!” she said giddily, nerves buzzing still. Vex nodded, laughing.

“I did, that was.. amazing, Keyleth, really.”

There wasn’t much room in the alley she had pulled her into, so Keyleth could feel Vex’s breathing shakily fall back down. She couldn’t stop grinning, or laughing. Vex held a finger to her lips, shushing her. The laughter died down a little, but only because Keyleth had found something else to focus on.

Vex was disheveled, from the running and ducking and the wind that had been billowing around them. Her braided bun had fallen into disarray, and wisps of hair framed the corners of her sharp jawline. Her eyes were drawn to Vex’s lip, crested with slight callouses from the rough travels but still soft. Keyleth glanced back up at Vex, quiet now. Her heart was still thumping, like a stick against the drum playing in her head.

Vex was gazing back at her, and her hand slowly fell from her mouth. Keyleth’s face was burning again, but she didn’t raise a hand to hide it.

“You know,” Keyleth said, voice soft. The air felt sharp, and quiet. “We definitely lost them back there. We could leave.”

They could just pull away and walk back to Greyskull, and let the moment pass by. They could. But a part of Keyleth didn’t want them to.

Vex seemed to consider that, gaze moving down just the slightest bit, her smooth skin flushed. “We could.” she said simply, looking back up at Keyleth.

“We could.” she repeated back, their gazes locked again. Her breath stuttered as Vex’s sleeve brushed against her arm.

Vex moved to pull Keyleth’s hood down, untangling it from her antlers and adjusting it around her neck. Her fingers lingered at the crest of her neck, and Keyleth could feel the pads of her fingers just barely press against her skin. She let out a long, shuddering breath, and moved a hand to grasp at Vex’s wrist.

Vex looked back up at her again, eyes shining. Her face was so close, and she could feel her breath against her lips. Her palm pushed against Keyleth’s cheek. Vex’s nose was just against the tip of Keyleth’s, and she didn’t move any further. For the first time, Vex’s eyes shone with uncertainty. She had never seen the half-elf so nervous before.

Vex’s mouth opened to say something, but Keyleth never got to hear it. She moved forward just a bit and captured Vex’s lips in her own, a soft chaste press before she pulled back.

Vex stared up at her with an intensity that certainly wasn’t there a few seconds ago. Keyleth laughed, and Vex grinned before taking Keyleth’s face in her hands to kiss her harder.

It took them a while to get back to Greyskull Keep.

#vexleth #vex'ahlia #keyleth #critical role #critical role spoilers #vex'ahlia vessar #my writing #critical role fan fiction #long post

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blueboxesandtrafficcones · 5 years

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Queen of Hearts - Chapter 13

Thirty-year-old Rose Tyler’s matchmaking business is doing very well indeed, bringing her clients such as celebrities, athletes, and the now-happily-married son of the mayor. All of which brings her to her newest client - one whose royal rank is a far cry above her own title as Queen of Hearts.

Ian, King of Gallifrey, calls off his wedding four weeks before the happy day as he realizes he can’t spend another minute of his life with his betrothed. The catch - he must take a wife before his Coronation, only a month away. In desperation, his sister and aunt conspire to find him is happy ever after - and it’s going to take a master matchmaker to do it.

Based on the Hallmark Movie ‘Royal Matchmaker’. Chapters will be posted every Sunday.

As always, beta’d by the wonderful @stupidsatsuma! @doctorroseprompts

Masterlist | AO3

Apologies for the delay; I was away, and as soon as I got back came down with a cold :(

---

Tuesday, April 23rd

Tuesday found Rose antsy and miserable. They’d gotten confirmation from Sarah Jane the previous evening that Reinette had accepted the proposal, leaving Rose slightly nauseous and depressed. She kept trying to remind herself that this meant she’d succeeded, she’d pulled off the greatest match of her career, that she could keep her business and her flat and her reputation and not have to live with her Mum.

It didn’t help.

With nothing to do, she and Mel were entertaining themselves in the main room of their suite, Mel on the couch with her laptop as Rose sat near the roaring fireplace, watching the normally-amusing expressions her friend was making at the screen.

“What’re you doing?”

“Words with Friends. Bloody Ace just played ‘oxyphenbutazone’. How does she even know what that is?!”

“Beats the hell out of me. What is it?”

Mel scowled at her screen, muttering under her breath for a moment before replying, “A medication- an NSAID. I’m telling you, she’s cheating!”

“Then stop playing with her,” Rose offered for at least the dozenth time, shaking her head at her friends’ stubbornness. “That’s why I did- she’s impossible to win against.”

“Nothing is impossible. Ugh. How can I possibly use Q, J, K, M, or G? Argh!”

Feeling restless and unsettled, Rose unfolded herself from the chair and moved towards the door. “I’m going to go into town- do you want anything?”

“Vowels!”

Sighing and shaking her head at Mel’s focus, she grabbed her jacket and purse from beside the door and stepped out into the hall, almost running into the Princess. “Oh! Your Highness, I’m sorry,” Rose yelped, dipping into a wobbly curtsey. “I didn’t see you.”

“It’s fine,” the redhead smiled wanly, glancing her over. “Going out?”

“Um, yes, I was going into town- unless there’s something I can do for you?” Please say no, please say no.

The Princess grimaced, but only said, “If you stop by the Bakery, I recommend you try the shortbread – it’s like your Millionaire’s shortbread, only it’s peanut butter instead of caramel. Tastes like shortbread wrapped in a Reece’s cup. It’s to die for.”

“I’ll be sure to,” Rose chirped, making a mental note to bring some back for her. “Thank you for the suggestion!”

With a nod the Princess swept off, and bundling her jacket tighter around her, Rose started down the stairs.

“Oh! D’you need something, Miss?”

Bill, their designated driver-slash-gopher hurried forward to meet her just before she made it out the doors. She was a helpful, bubbly young woman whose company and chatter Rose enjoyed – usually.

“I was just going to walk into town. D’you think it’s too far?” Rose asked, biting her lip. It hadn’t seemed so driving in, but she also didn’t want to get stuck halfway down. That would probably be enough to set her off into a total meltdown.

The younger girl tilted her head in thought, then shrugged. “No. But if you want me to pick you up when you’re finished just give me a call.”

“Will do, thanks.”

Rose stepped out into the cool spring morning, biting wind whipping at her hair and clothes.

It made it easy to pretend the tears were from her eyes watering.

Rose huddled inside her coat, wandering up and down the main street staring into shop windows. For being the capital, Arcadia still had that small-town feel – all charming cafes and shops, no obvious chain brands. Even after three weeks she couldn’t get over how friendly everyone was, greeting her with bright good morning!s as they opened their doors and displayed their wares.

I could get used to this. Rose had always considered herself a city girl, growing up in London, but something about the peacefulness of a place where everyone knew everyone tugged at her heartstrings. God, maybe I am getting old. Heaven help me if I turn into my mother.

The most delicious and mouthwatering aroma she’d ever smelled hit her like a ton of bricks, and she stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk to close her eyes and inhale. She followed her nose into the bakery, hungry eyes taking in row upon row of incredible-looking treats in the case.

“Hello, love,” the woman behind the counter laughed, as Rose nearly flattened herself against the glass. “See something you like?”

“All of it,” Rose answered breathlessly, bending down to see better. “Oh, these are lovely.”

“Thank you, dear.”

The woman let her drool in peace for a few minutes as she carefully examined each item, before finally prompting, “Did you want to try something?”

“Um…” The Princess’s words from earlier flashed through Rose’s mind, and she wrinkled her nose. “I was told to try something that was shortbread and peanut butter, maybe?”

“Ah, I thought you were from the Palace,” she laughed. “Donna send you round?”

Rose shrugged, cheeks pinkening. “That obvious?”

Susan, or so her name tag said, pulled out a bag and started to fill it with the dark squares. “I’ve seen you around with Ian,” she shrugged, “and their love of these is legendary. I swear they buy half of every batch I make, between the two of them.”

Fumbling with her money, Rose could only nod, though she wondered at the casual use of the royal’s names while trying to ignore the ache in her chest.

“We’re cousins,” Susan said, as if reading her mind. “Sarah, their mum, and mine were all sisters. I moved here when Sarah did, opened the bakery. Not a drop of royal blood in me, but still family.”

“D’you see each other a lot?”

“Few times a month. One or the other’ll stop in – too often and it gets to be a madhouse in here. I go to dinner at Donna’s once a month, that’s enough for me. I’m perfectly happy to be anonymous, though it never hurts when their photo is taken eating one of my treats,” Susan winked, handing over a bag stuffed with the treat. “Your money’s no good here, the Palace has a tab. Better scarf’em down before you get back, those two’ll eat them all given a chance. It’s a good way to bribe either, if you ever need it.”

Rose accepted the bag, sticking a tenner in the tip jar with a smile. “Thanks, but I’ll be gone after the Coronation, so don’t overbake,” she said, trying for amused. Don’t cry, don’t cry, Do. Not. Cry.

“What? I don’t- aren’t you going to be queen?”

She nearly dropped the bag in surprise, inhaling sharply at the stab the shopkeeper’s words sent through her heart. “What? No! No, I- I’m… I’m a matchmaker, they hired me to find the queen. I’m not- I mean- I’m hardly queen material!” Which was half the problem.

“Oh.” Susan’s brow furrowed for a moment before smoothing over, an apologetic smile on her face. “Sorry, I must have misunderstood. I thought you were- well, never mind.”

“It’s okay.” Rose checked her watch, and gave a smile too bright to be true. “Sorry, I’m running a bit behind schedule, but it was lovely to meet you!”

“You too,” Susan called, but she was already hurrying out the door, tears pricking at her eyes once again.

Stop it, she told herself firmly, starting back towards the road to the palace. You’re a matchmaker. He’s a king. Just because they call you Queen of Hearts doesn’t make you suitable for actual royalty.

Ian wandered through the palace, hands buried in his pockets. He hadn’t seen Rose in days, mostly by design, in the vain hope that the old adage out of sight, out of mind would hold true.

So far, it hadn’t worked. It just made him want to see her more.

The sound of activity coming from the guest wing made him pause, frowning as he searched his memory. The next occupants of the wing would be visiting dignitaries and royals who were coming for the wedding/coronation, but the earliest scheduled arrival was Thursday afternoon – so why was anyone back there two days before that?

Easing the door to the wing open, he crept along the hall, feeling ridiculous sneaking through his own palace. The door to the first suite was open, and seemed to be the source of the noise. Poking his head in, he found two women and several servants – one of the women was Sarah, directing the servants with the luggage, and the other was a fifty-something blonde dressed in blue jeans, a pink top, and a denim jacket in a slightly different shade from the jeans.

“Thank you for coming early,” his aunt was saying, “and I hope you don’t mind we’d like to keep you secret until tomorrow. There are so many moving parts, and if we play our cards right, Ian will-”

The door creaked, making Ian wince and catching the women’s attention.

“Your Majesty!” Sarah’s eyes went wide, dropping into a curtsey at the same time as the servants, the unknown blonde following suit a few seconds later.

Something about the woman was familiar, as if they had met once upon a time, and he wracked his brain trying to remember.

“Hello,” he stepped into the room, glaring at the door for giving him away and costing him the chance to hear what he was supposed to do.

“Sir, this is… an old friend of mine from London,” Sarah said brightly, eyes darting between him and the woman. “Jackie. Jackie, this is His Majesty King Ian.”

“Pleasure,” the woman, Jackie, dipped into another wobbly curtsey.

Ian nodded, distracted, as he tried to figure out how he might know her. “Yes, of course. Are you here for the festivities?”

The two women exchanged glances.

“Yes, Your Majesty,” she said, though the upwards lilt of her voice made it sound like a question.

Gazing between the two, he distinctly felt as if he was missing something. “What’s going on? Why is she a secret?”

Sarah’s blank expression for the two seconds it took her to come up with a lie were telling. “Oh! She… is a reporter as well, here to cover the wedding, coronation, et cetera, but since no one else is here yet I thought it best to keep her under wraps!”

Jackie nodded eagerly in agreement, and though Ian arched an eyebrow, he decided to let them keep their secret.

Not like it changes anything.

“All right. I’d best be off,” he jerked his thumb over his shoulder, leaving the room possibly more confused than he entered it.

Sarah, what the hell are you up to?

He decided to try down by the lake, opening the door to the patio and running right into the object of his distraction.

“Oh!” They both yelped, Ian grabbing her by instinct in an effort to keep her upright. They both managed to stay on their feet, Rose’s shocked gaze staring up at his own openmouthed expression.

His eyes dropped to her lips, going slightly wide when she instinctively licked them, and when he returned to her own eyes, she was staring at his lips.

Hope flared in his chest, brilliant and wondrous, and he couldn’t have stopped himself for anything in the world as his head dipped, moving closer to her own to give her a chance to pull away.

Her hands were still fisted in his shirt where she had grabbed to keep from falling, and his treacherous brain tried to convince him she was pulling him closer.

Heart hammering in his throat, close enough for her breath to puff against his lips, he brushed his lips over hers once, twice, and when she didn’t pull away, instead almost seemed to move closer, he surged forward to press them together in truth – only to feel air, and a moment later, he landed on his ass on the polished floor.

“What?” Dazed, he found himself sprawled over Rose, who was blushing and giggling.

“My shoe slipped,” she said, apology and explanation, her tongue peeking out from between her teeth and wiping every thought from his mind. “Sorry.”

“Are you all right?” Belated realizing he was still pressed against her, and that he never wanted to move except closer, he reluctantly pushed himself up, offering her a hand and pulling her into his arms when she accepted.

“Hello,” she whispered, looking up at him from beneath her eyelashes, and his breath caught at her beauty. Windswept, and dressed more casually than he had ever seen her, she was stunning. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to sweep her in his arms and take her to bed. He wanted to find the Archbishop and have him marry them as they were. He wanted- her.

Marry me. Be mine. Let’s run away together. All hovered on the tip of his tongue, but then he remembered that she was engaged, that she had to go home and plan a wedding to someone else. Even if an attraction existed, he had no right to tear her away from a man she loved.

It’s just an infatuation. It will fade with time, he tried to convince himself, regretfully letting her go and stepping back.

“Are you hurt?”

Physically she appeared fine, though her falling expression suggested her feelings were not. I’m sorry, sweetheart.

"No, thank you,” she said stiffly, crossing her arms and causing the bag she held to crinkle. “Oh!” Opening it up, she held the bag out to him. “I met your cousin,” she said, somewhat unnecessarily as the scent of shortbread, peanut butter, and chocolate wafted up. “Would you like one?”

I’d like you. “Yes, thank you.” Unable to have what he really wanted, he accepted a square. “I hope she made you put it on the Palace tab.”

“She did,” Rose confirmed, closing the bag again and keeping her head down. “I heard… that Reinette accepted,” she continued quietly. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” The treat, one of his favorites, turned to ash in his mouth.

After a moment of awkward silence, Rose curtseyed slightly. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to…” Not bothering to finish the thought she fled, ducking her head and hurrying away as he tried to process what had just happened.

Was she crying?

#bbatcfic #doctorroseprompts #ficandchips #Doctor Who #12xRose #12th Doctor #Rose Tyler #AU #Queen of Hearts #royalty AU

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rarestereocats · 5 years

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The next day is upon us and it's time to go over our plan for the prison break. Me and Owkbanok will have to cause a scene in town to get ourselves arrested so we can make some new friends while on the inside. Amelia will have to go under disguise as a guard getting transferred to this prison for training and TT was to join her, but she doesn't feel comfortable being seen as she's worried somebody will notice her slave markings. So she opts to join Amelia while under a shroud of invisibility. It's a good plan, we all think as we look over the map I made. Nothing could ever go wrong, we say as we begin preparations of all kinds. Owkbanok goes to ask grumpy ol' Julius if he can forge some work papers, telling him to put Amelia's name down as "Beatrice Dindel", and with such a beautiful name; she's gonna need a fitting hair color as well.

She makes the mistake of coming to me and I'm still a little tilted about how snippy she got with me the other day, so after the dye job's finished, she gets to look upon her hair in horror as it's the color of split pea soup after somebody had a hard night of drinking. She goes to punch me, but hits her mirror instead, giving her 7 years of bad luck as it shatters and sealing our fates with this plan. Meanwhile, TT argues with Julius as she tries to collect the work papers because as per usual, Julius has a little 'tude because the man's got a problem with the youngsters. I'm starting to think there's some deep-rooted trauma there, but with me being busy avoiding Amelia's fury, I can't ruthlessly mock him over it. Eventually Owkbanok stumbles into the situation and gets the papers, leaving TT to go gather some smoke sticks from Nathan so we have cover once the rioting begins. I go ahead and pack some of mine and Owk's gear onto Cayde, then use magic to turn him into a tiny, stone figurine.

We'll need all this shit on the inside, so I cut a wound into my arm and jam the figurine in there, stitching and bandaging it up afterwards. With everything in place, we go over the plan one more time. Once me and Owk get arrested, Amelia will arrive to the prison in the next day or two for "work", and shortly after that; it'll be breakout time. With that, me and Owk head out to pretend to rob a jewelry store. Our false heist is an absolute shitshow, which is a good indicator on how the rest of the plan is gonna go, but we choose to ignore that red flag. I bite at the guard to distract him, Owk murders the shopkeeper when she goes to run, and with the guard turning his sights on a murderer and a crowd gathering; I turn to the people, rushing into them while screaming in abyssal with blood all over my mouth. They all scatter in terror, giving me a good eye on the guards that are approaching. So as Owk's apprehended, I give everyone a run for their money and bolt through the alleys.

After I feel the chase is sufficient enough, I allow them to arrest me and they throw us both on the back of a horse and lead us away. Once there, we're stripped down and given bright, red uniforms and led off to separate interrogation rooms afterwards. They ask us where we came from, what our names are, but don't buy any of the bullshit ; which is fair considering we look like hardened criminals. They're able to figure out we're pirates and demand to know a ship name, but neither me nor Owk sell our people out, even when the guards resort to violence. While Owk gets stabbed a few times, my guard notices my wound and with her zone of truth cast over me, I can't lie and say it was an animal attack or random stabbing. So I opt to remain silent until she cuts it open and removes the figurine. As predicted from the day's earlier events, our plan is beginning to unravel, so I utter the command word to bring Cayde back to life and go toe-to-toe with this guard long enough to get the door open so Cayde can escape and alert the others.

Once he's gone, I'm put under a charm spell and knocked out, waking up in solitary confinement while Owk gets comfortable with his new roommate. A half-elf named Farage, who has an affinity for arson. Perfect buddies in the making there, but nothing more as he's too ugly for Owk's taste. While I spend the next hours of my life shoved into a cold ass room and falling ill; he continues to make friends, so at least that part of the plan wasn't a total loss. Cayde makes it back to the ship, which tells Amelia and TT everything they need to know. While they wanted to wait two days to give us time to gather up a potential crew, they know they can't wait that long. Come morning, TT gathers our gear off of Cayde and orders the captain to take care of him in her stead. Amelia and her head off to the prison with the second act of our plan now in motion and as the prison's magic metal detector goes off, TT uses this moment to slip in while she's invisible. Amelia nearly gets herself arrested as the guards realize her work papers are fake, but she quickly tells them she lost the originals and didn't want to show up without anything as that wouldn't make a good first impression.

They buy that shit, confiscate her booze and her boot knife before getting her properly outfitted. It's then she's given a tour of the prison and told some of the protocol, passing me and Owk on the way, which helps ease our worries about the plan totally falling apart. Amelia takes my misery as a chance to bully me as revenge for her hair, but of course, I easily turn the tables against her when I call her Hagatha. TT is privvy to juicy gossip as Amelia yells "fuck you" at me and I simply respond with, "You already have! T w i c e.". With that, Amelia storms off, TT leaving me a message on the glass to let me know Cayde made it back to the ship safely. The two of them part ways as Amelia continues shadowing guards for the day and TT goes into the yard to search for anything that could help release prisoners at one time easily. But the guard dogs notice her despite her invisibility, so she tries to scale the prison until one guard dispels her cover. It's too dangerous to keep going, so she uses her grappling hook to swing over the wall and out of this place, taking time to get back under her shroud before she climbs back inside to catch up with the rest of us.

But in that time, I grow tired of solitary, so when a guard comes to collect my food tray, I play dead. He falls for it long enough, making the mistake of leaving the door open as he steps inside and I immediately bite into his leg. I don't give this man a chance to breathe as I summon three dogs in the cell to distract him while I rush out of the room. Sirens are blaring and guards are running about like chickens with their heads cut off, but I manage to avoid them all as I sneak through the prison. I'm a battered tiefling right now, okay? Self-preservation is in overdrive, so with a proper distraction, Amelia unlocks Owk's cell and tells him and Farage to get some keys and help her release the prisoners. They manage to free a lot of them who seem eager to join our crew, some of them taking off out of the prison once they have a ship name, but some of them stick behind to cause some mayhem. Fireballs are bursting everywhere, TT is setting fire to the third floor to destroy the prisoner records, and I manage to move the riot outside and give myself enough cover to climb the fence and crawl through some barbed wire to my freedom.

TT and Amelia meet up while Owk leads another group of prisoners out, both of them heading the wrong way and heading out into the yard. The riot out there didn't go so well on either end as guards and prisoners lie dead in the grass. Amelia raises a few exploding zombies from the pile of bodies, ordering them to finish off the remaining guards as her and TT slip out a side door. Eventually we're all reunited and thankful to see each other alive. We cast once last glance at the prison as the corpses give it an explosive finale, which delights our herd of fugitives. All of them are now chanting Amelia's new nickname gleefully. Pukehead, Pukehead, Pukehead! The four of us are buried in this crowd which is good for us as the chaos is far from over and we still have a ways to go before we're back on the ship.

#adventures of the volunteer fire department #oc: huey romero #game: pathfinder pirates

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louisonurmark · 5 years

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Why is it that I’ve been to Vietnam three times when I haven’t even visited some of its neighbors even once? Because it is perfect, that’s why. It is one of my favorite countries in Southeast Asia, maybe even my very favorite, which is such a bold statement that I hesitate to even put it out there. So, what do I love so much about Vietnam? Well, everything, truthfully. Vietnam offers destinations for everyone – wildly chaotic cities full of culture and history, quiet, rural villages where rice fields disappear endlessly into the horizon, mountains for hiking, beaches for relaxing, and landscapes so unique they’ve been UNESCO-listed for preservation. The fact that all of that fits inside what I consider to be a relatively small country is impressive, for sure, but even better is that all of it can be seen for a fraction of the price you’d pay in say, the USA. For a budget traveler like myself, being able to spend less and do more is always the goal, and that’s easily attainable in Vietnam. Then, of course, there’s the usual things that make a place attractive – the food, the people you meet, and the ease with which you can travel and navigate between places. Vietnam nails it in all these arenas, too.

Hanoi, Vietnam’s capital, was my second big city to visit in Vietnam. The first was Ho Chi Minh in the late 90’s, which was so long ago that most people were still calling it Saigon, so I won’t attempt to compare the two until I’ve been back again. Hanoi has the reputation of being somewhat of an acquired taste, and I can see why. At first glance, Hanoi feels downright crazy. Motorbikes packing the roads, their blaring horns harmonizing into a shrill musical score. Dirty water being thrown out into the streets from shops and restaurants, sometimes directly onto your feet. Unidentified and often unpleasant smells mingling with the scent of cooking food. Determined shopkeepers demanding repeatedly for you to look at their goods. The sensory overload that hits while walking Hanoi’s streets is unsettling for almost everyone on their first visit. Factor in the death-defying risk that is crossing the street, and it’s easy to want to hightail it back to the safety of your hotel room. But give it a day. Hanoi will grow on you, just as it has on many travelers before.

I recommend at least two full days for a visit to Hanoi – one to get adjusted and another to make you want to stay longer or come back again. All of the major sights in Hanoi can be seen over a long weekend, but part of the appeal of Hanoi is its convenient location to nearby destinations commonly visited on overnight tours, so if you plan to head out of the city at all, you’ll need a few more days. We stayed in the Hanoi area for 6 nights – 4 in Hanoi and 2 elsewhere – and it was the perfect amount of time for a first visit. If it’s also your first visit, here’s how I recommend you spend your time!

8 THINGS TO DO IN HANOI

EXPLORE THE OLD QUARTER

The first thing on your agenda after dropping your bags at your hotel should be to explore the historic Old Quarter, preferably on foot. Granted, this is easier said than done since the sidewalks in Hanoi are nothing more than parking lots for motorbikes, but it’s essential if you want to get comfortable with the chaos sooner rather than later. Most hotels in Hanoi are located in the Old Quarter and many of the city’s sights are, too, so this is likely where you’ll be spending a good portion of your trip. Best to get your bearings early on.

Besides hotels, restaurants, and sights, the Old Quarter is also the prime shopping district. If you’re looking for those now rather iconic ‘I’ve been backpacking through Asia’ pants, this is where you’ll find them. For like the equivalent of $2 USD. Everything here is so delightfully cheap by western standards that even if you don’t like to shop, you’ll still probably find yourself shopping. And haggling is the name of the game, so prepare yourself.

WALK AROUND HOAN KIEM LAKE

Meaning Lake of the Restored Sword, Hoan Kiem Lake is at the center of Hanoi city life, at least figuratively anyway. Located in the Old Quarter, Hoan Kiem Lake is where people gather in Hanoi to rest, eat lunch, play, or simply take a walk around the perimeter of the lake. Ngoc Son Temple, an 18th century Buddhist temple, sits on a tiny island in the lake reachable via the bright red bridge connecting the island to the northern shore of the lake.

After visiting the lake twice while we were in Hanoi, we realized this is where young Vietnamese students have learned to come to practice their English with tourists. Any time we sat down, we were approached by people for a chat. For me it was exciting, even when the conversations were painfully slow and repetitive, because I’m always thrilled to talk to people when we travel, but if you came to the lake to rest, it could be a little exhausting. In that case, just pretend you don’t speak English. Kidding!

SHOP HANOI’S NIGHT MARKET

The night market in Hanoi is only open on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. It’s all the same stuff you’ll find during the day, though, so don’t despair if you’re not in Hanoi over a weekend. If there’s nothing there you can’t buy in the daytime, why go to the night market at all? Because the atmosphere is better. The streets are quieter. There’s less insistence from shopkeepers that you look through their wares. And, in my experience, you can often get better deals. It’s just a more pleasant shopping experience in general. Plus, there’s food – loads of choices cooked fresh right in front of you while you shop. (More on eating in Hanoi below.)

VISIT THE TEMPLE OF LITERATURE

Ngoc Son Temple may be Hanoi’s most visited temple, but its prettiest is definitely the Temple of Literature. A quiet, green oasis, the Temple of Literature blooms in stark contrast with the concrete city surrounding it. With many landscaped courtyards, gardens, and pavilions, this place is definitely one for the photography-inclined!

Built as a temple to Confucius in 1070, the Temple of Literature was centered more on academia than religion. A place of study for the wealthy, The Temple of Literature was Vietnam’s first national university, and many monuments still remain on the grounds dedicated to the scholars who graduated here. I recommend arriving as early as you can because the temple is a popular sight and can get very busy even just a couple hours after opening.

VISIT THE TEMPLE OF LITERATURE

EAT EVERYTHING Ah, the most important point on the list, and pretty much my favorite thing about visiting anywhere – food. Eating may be one of life’s necessities, but in Vietnam it’s one of its greatest pleasures, too. There are so many foods to try here, and like everything else, it’s all incredibly cheap. A few things you must try – bun cha (BBQ pork and noodles), pho xao (stir fried noodles with beef), bun nem (spring rolls), banh mi (Vietnam’s version of a sandwich), and of course, everyone’s favorite – pho (beef noodle soup).

Despite my infatuation with food when we travel, I’m not so great at remembering to take photos of what I eat or writing down exactly where it was I ate it. I do, however, remember where it was I ate the best pho of my life and it was at a little place on Bat Dan Street. I swear I will never forget that meal, and not just because it tasted out of this world. Our food at Pho Bat Dan was served to us piping hot outside on communal picnic tables as we sat in flimsy plastic chairs elbow to elbow with strangers. Unusual, maybe, but a part of the charm of eating in Hanoi, nonetheless. Besides these outdoor cafe-style places that you will see all over the Old Quarter, another place to get delicious and cheap food is from the street vendors. They move from place to place, but you won’t have any trouble finding them.

A note on food safety: If you get sick from eating in Hanoi (or anywhere for that matter), it’s more likely to be due to eating foods you’re not accustomed to rather than a case of food poisoning or parasites. Regardless, there are obvious steps you can take to prevent the latter including avoiding tap water or uncooked things that have been washed in tap water, such as salad, and never eating anything that looks like it’s been sitting out for awhile. Generally, if you eat from busy places and order a hot meal, you should be good to go. If you’re really worried about it, I recommend this post from Jodi (Legal Nomads) who I believe used to live in Vietnam.

MAKE A PIT STOP AT BIA HOI CORNER

Beer drinkers, you’re going to want to pay attention to this one. There is literally a place where beer costs less than a gumball from a machine (wait, do those things even still exist?) and it’s right here at the intersection of Ta Hien and Luong Ngoc Quyen. Known as Bia Hoi Corner, the “pubs” around this intersection in the Old Quarter serve freshly-made local beer, without preservatives, for just 20 cents (5,000 VND) a pop.

But what if you don’t drink beer, should you still stop by? YES! I don’t drink beer either, but loved the atmosphere at Bia Hoi Corner. This is one of the best places to come if you want to meet other travelers, expats, and locals. Everyone sits on little plastic stools on the edges of the streets (that eventually become impassable for cars as the night goes on) and it’s easy to strike up conversations and meet people. I can’t speak for the late night hours, but before 9pm, the environment is kid-friendly and all sorts of non-alcoholic drinks and street food are available in addition to cheap beer.

TAKE AN OVERNIGHT TRIP OUTSIDE HANOI

So, it feels a little strange saying that one of the things you should do in Hanoi is leave Hanoi, but it’s true. There are so many day trips and overnight trips available to take from Hanoi. Walk down any street in the Old Quarter and you’ll be able to spot travel agencies with lists hanging in the windows of all the places you can go. Not knowing exactly how easy it would be to book side trips in Hanoi, we had booked one of our overnight trips online prior to arriving in Hanoi. This is definitely not the way to do it. The cheapest way to book an overnight trip out of Hanoi is to book it in Hanoi itself. The list price for the exact same trip we had bought online was quite a bit cheaper from travel agencies in Hanoi, and just like everything else, that price can be haggled down. (FYI: Travel agencies compete with each other, so use that to your advantage when haggling!)

One of the most obvious places to take an overnight trip from Hanoi is Ha Long Bay. A UNESCO world heritage site, Ha Long Bay is one of the most popular tourist destinations in all of Vietnam. There are day trips that go there, too, but given the driving distance is four hours each way, you’d be mad not to stay overnight. Plus, waking up to see the sunrise above the rocks and islands in the bay is a once in a lifetime sort of thing you won’t want to miss. A variety of overnight junk boat tours are available in a range of budgets. The activities available are mostly the same for all tours, so the difference in price usually comes down to how luxurious the boat and meals provided on the trip are.

Another great option for an overnight tour, especially if you don’t plan to go all the way up north to Sapa, is a visit to Mai Chau, a rural area around four hours’ drive west of Hanoi. In Mai Chau, rice fields grow in valleys at the base of mountains, roads are made of dirt and gravel, and people live in beautiful stilt houses made of bamboo and timber. To call this place charming would be doing it a terrible disservice. It’s so much more than that. While you can stay in private bungalows, we chose the option of sleeping in one of the stilt houses in a common room with other travelers. And it was one of the coolest, most unique things I’ve done in four years of travel.

HANOI TRAVEL TIPS

WHERE TO STAY IN HANOI

Cheap hotels are a dime a dozen in Hanoi’s Old Quarter. Some are better than others, I’m sure, but generally they all offer similar lodgings with breakfast included. We stayed at Hanoi Chic Hotel for $45 USD a night for a family of 3. If you’re looking for something a little bit more luxurious, the Essence Hotel & Spa is a popular choice, and for those whom money is no object, I’d recommend the Sofitel Metropole for sure!

WHEN TO VISIT HANOI

Because Hanoi is located in the northern region of Vietnam, it experiences all four seasons. This means winters are cold, summers are hot, and spring and autumn are the most comfortable seasons temperature-wise. Rainy season is from April to October with June, July, and August getting the most rainfall. Generally, if your goal is to enjoy the most comfortable temperatures and the least amount of rainfall, you’ll want to visit Hanoi in either March and April or September to November. We visited in mid-October and experienced mostly sunny days with temperatures around what we’re used to in Singapore. (Read: Still extremely hot.)

HOW TO GET AROUND

From the airport, if you haven’t booked a transfer through your hotel, you’ll need to take a taxi to get to the Old Quarter. Metered taxis in Hanoi are notorious for trying to rip tourists off, so make sure you agree on a price before getting in and don’t budge on it when you get to your destination. Alternatively, you can book transportation to your hotel online through various companies. We used Hanoi Transfer Service via a recommendation from a friend since our hotel didn’t offer an airport transfer. For our journey back to the airport, we booked a transfer at one of the travel agencies in Hanoi. (This was slightly cheaper than using Hanoi Transfer Service, and less stressful than using a regular taxi.)

Once in the Old Quarter, unless you have mobility issues, you’ll have no problem walking everywhere mentioned on this list. If walking isn’t an option, you can hop on one of the cyclos (three-wheel bicycle taxis) for shorter journeys, and motorbike or metered taxis for longer journeys. Just be aware of dodgy taxi meters if you go that route.

SAFETY IN HANOI

While pick-pocketing and petty theft are not uncommon in Hanoi, what you really need to be aware of is your safety on the roads. There are no designated paths for walkers and there are no crosswalks, and even scarier, there don’t appear to be any rules for drivers either. I dreaded crossing streets in Hanoi because it felt like we were risking our lives every time. The motorbikes don’t stop, they just go around you, which means it is extremely important not to stop after you start walking across the street. The motorbike drivers are assuming you’re going to keep walking, so they plan their movements around what they think you’re going to do. It’s all very terrifying. Even standing to the side of the road can be risky. This is where people park their motorbikes, and they don’t much care if you’re standing where they want to park, they’ll park there anyway!

As for avoiding theft, all the usual rules apply. Don’t carry lots of cash. Keep your wallet someplace harder to reach than your back pocket. When walking along the streets, keep your purse or camera on the shoulder furthest from the road. That’ll prevent people on motorbikes from snatching your valuables and driving away. Same goes for your phone. Just don’t have it out while walking at all if you can help it. Avoiding the less obvious kind of theft, scams and inflated prices for tourists, will be trickier, but if you do a little research before your trip on the going rate for things you’re looking to do or buy, it’ll be much easier to tell if you’re being cheated!

Overall, we felt very safe in Hanoi (minus the roads!) and I hope to make it back there again sometime, hopefully on a trip that includes a journey up to Sapa! If you’ve been to Hanoi and have any tips to share, please feel free to leave them in the comments!

8 THINGS TO DO ON YOUR FIRST TRIP TO HANOI + TRAVEL TIPS Why is it that I’ve been to Vietnam three times when I haven’t even visited some of its neighbors even once?

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