#I slept for a total of 6 hours this entire week but I did what I need and you can’t argue with results

[dicktat]

Lol I did it organized a Christmas event and not enough people came so I completed all 24 entries by myself, merry Christmas everyone

[luvangelbreak]

Deprived | Twenty

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 matthew sturniolo x layla venita (female!oc) summary: everyone knows the story of the bad boy and the good girl but what happens when the school's most popular boy, Matthew Sturniolo, and the girl who notoriously is never there, Layla Venita, cross paths. warnings: swearing, smoking, suggestive? word count: 3.3k a/n: this series has been longer than I anticipated but I'm living for the slow burn so it's gonna be a while till we're done folks.

pov: layla

I spent the next week couped in my room, refusing to leave as I quickly smoked the bag of weed Wes had given me. Allie had messaged me in concern multiple times and I finally built up the courage to reply to her a day after her last message.

Allie <3 Monday hey girl are you okay? matt has been off all day 1:30pm Tuesday if u wanna talk im here <3 5:37pm Wednesday im getting concerned pls message me if u need anything 3:47pm

You sorry just havent been feeling good im okay just need time alone 10:21pm

Allie <3 im sorry :(10:23pm

You its okay i'll be at school tmrw 10:27pm

Allie <3 okay! see ya then <3 10:28pm

I locked my phone and threw it lazily on the bed beside me, rolling over to face the wall where my window was cracked open. I was glad my dad was out tonight, having to deal with him for over a week straight was draining and I felt like it didn't benefit my self-loathing in any way. I sighed as my mind always travelled back to the look on Matt's face, the pure hurt in his eyes that I knew I caused.

Part of me was glad he hadn't messaged or tried to talk to me. It meant that I could push him away if I wanted to. I did just that without even consciously meaning to. I got scared and made it his fault in my brain but as I continued rotting in my bed, I realised I hurt him more than I ever meant to. It wasn't his fault that I was afraid of someone being close, it wasn't his fault that I let something so small set me off. I needed to make him realise it wasn't his fault and I was just not used to the affection and accommodation he offered me daily.

I barely slept over the past week and this night was no different. My alarm went off in the early hours of the morning and I knew I had slept a total of 4 hours from the way my brain had constantly been reeling. I dragged myself out of bed and trudged into the bathroom. I took an extra long shower to attempt to rid the disgust I felt towards myself.

After scrubbing my entire body head to toe, I jumped out of the shower and walked to my room. My entire body felt heavy and I felt tears prick my eyes when I looked over to the pink sweater that was still laying over my bag. I picked it up, realising it was the only clean sweater I had since I hadn't been bothered with laundry. I quickly slid it over my head before sliding on my black sweatpants and combat boots. I slid my leather jacket over the top, not bothering with any makeup as I lazily tied my now damp hair into a low ponytail. I grabbed my bag, quickly sprayed on some perfume and grabbed my phone off of my bedside table.

I quickly exited my house without food or water in my stomach and as I began walking down the road, I decided to light one of the last few cigarettes I had pre-rolled. I grabbed my headphones from my bag, slid one into my ear and plugged them into my phone. I clicked shuffle on one of my playlists and I let my feet drag on the asphalt as I slowly made my way down the streets of Massachusetts.

After an hour, I finally arrived in the parking lot of the school and I scanned the cars, my eyes landing where I saw the familiar silver minivan. I paused, letting out a heavy breath as I collected myself and began walking to the group of people in front of the car.

Nate was the first to notice me and he just looked at me with no expression before he turned back to the group. As I got closer I noticed the fact that Mia was standing beside Matt with her head leaned on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her back lazily and I felt a pang of pure jealousy run through me. I tried to shake it off as I got closer, knowing I had no right to be mad about it right now since I was the one who caused the riff between the brown-haired boy and myself.

"Speak of the devil," I heard Nick say when his eyes caught mine and I was a few feet away, standing uncomfortably as I looked between all of them. All of their heads turned to look at me, Allie being the only one who didn't seem like they were looking right through me.

"Matt, can I talk to you?" I asked quietly as I didn't dare to meet his eyes yet and there was an uncomfortable silence that fell over us, "Please."

"About what?" he asked, his tone short and I looked up to see his face completely expressionless but his eyes held such hurt and aggravation that it felt like it cut right through me.

"Last week," I mumbled, ignoring the pain in my chest of seeing Mia looking at me with a slight smirk. I focused in on the boy I had hurt, his blue eyes piercing in the sunlight.

"Now?" he questioned, not taking his eyes off of me and I just looked at him, the judgement of his friends radiating off of them. He sighed heavily before swinging his arm out from around Mia and I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders but there was still a pressure on my chest, "I'll be back."

I looked at the ground as he pushed away from the hood of the minivan and he walked past me. I followed behind him, not daring to look back at his friends as we walked to the back of the parking lot before he stopped to face me.

He didn't say anything for a moment as I looked up at him and he scanned me head to toe before murmuring, "That's my sweater."

"Yeah. I left it on my bag all week but I didn't have any clean hoodies for today," I explained and he hummed as I picked at the skin around my fingers, my nails too short to bite now that I had been picking at them all week. I nervously chewed on my lip before I said, "I'm sorry."

"It took you a week to say that?" he asked, his voice quiet but his words laced with pain.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I reacted to what you said horribly but I just-" I cut myself off as I took a breath and looked down at the gravel below us, "I haven't had anyone take care of me the way you do. It scares me. I'm sorry."

I squeezed my eyes closed, chewing on my bottom lip far more aggressively than I intended but my heart raced as I waited for his response. I felt his hand fall under my chin and he lifted my face to look up at him, noticing now that he was slightly closer to me. He used his thumb to gently pull my lip away from my teeth as I fidgeted with the hem of the pink sweater.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" he asked, his tone softening as he looked down at me and I shrugged dumbly.

"I am bad at talking about that sorta stuff," I answered quietly, my throat closing from the sadness that invaded my body as I looked up at him. I had no right to be upset right now, I was the one who fucked up and made this so difficult, but I felt guilt invade my entire body when I realised I didn't want to push him away. It was habit and I was always bad at breaking them.

"Don't do that again," he demanded softly and I pursed my lips as I pushed my sadness down the best I could as tears sprung to my eyes, "Or I swear to god I won't talk to you again and I don't want to stop talking to you. Ever."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you away. I just don't know how to deal with everything I'm feeling and I know it's shitty but I promise I'm trying. I have no right to be sad right now because this is my fault but I feel so horrible for making you upset. You deserve so much more than that and if I can't give that to you I understand if you don't want me to be around anymore," I rambled out all of my feelings and conflicting voices in my head but I was cut off by his lips on mine.

I paused for a moment to register what was happening before my body melted into his, his arms wrapping around my lower back as I snaked my arms around his neck. I pulled him into me, missing the way his body felt against my own more than I anticipated. It felt like a breath of fresh air after being stuck in my room for the past week with smoke-filled lungs. He gripped my hips, pulling me impossibly closer to him as I tangled my hands in his hair before he pulled away to breathe for a moment.

"You're an idiot," he mumbled before he leaned back in to kiss me gently again.

"I know," I mumbled against his lips and he ran his tongue against my rough lips, the sting of his saliva hitting the open splits on my lips from chewing them. I hissed and pulled away as he looked down at me.

"You need to stop biting your lip," he muttered as his eyes travelled all around my face, "And stop picking your nails. You're not gonna have any left soon."

"I've been stressed the past week. I can't help it," I whispered as I looked up at him in awe. I had forgotten the pure oxytocin that ran through my system when I was with him and I refused to let it go again.

"Pretty girl," he gave me a sympathetic look and I shook my head as I pulled away from his face slightly, my arms still slung over his shoulders.

"Don't feel bad. This was my doing and I will make it up to you," I answered sternly and his face broke into a small smile. I sighed, the weight being lifted off of my chest now and my body tingled with joy.

"All I'm asking is that you talk to me next time," he whispered, leaning down to place a peck on my lips and I let it linger before I pulled back and nodded.

"I will try," I scratched the nape of his neck lightly and he bit his bottom lip as my face dropped, "Don't look at me like that before we have to go inside. I'll drive us back to your house right now."

"I don't see you for a week and you're ready to jump my bones already," he chuckled and I raised my eyebrows.

"How else can I make it up to you, ya know?" I joked as let my mouth form into a smirk and he shook his head as he pursed his lips, "Does this mean I can come to your game this week?"

"Of course baby," he smiled down at me and I felt the butterflies erupt in my stomach again, promising not only him but myself to never let myself ruin this again.

"By the way," I let my right hand trail from his neck to his chest, playing with the necklace that sat comfortably on his collarbones, "Allie's brother was just dropping me home. He tried to flirt with me but I shut it down. I wasn't lying about that."

"I know. I overreacted. I'm sorry about that," he said softly and I shook my head, twiddling the pendant between my fingers as I looked up at him.

"I know how it looked. I would've been just as upset. You don't need to apologise for it," I mumbled, trying hard to convey my feelings as best I could to which he didn't respond verbally. He instead placed another kiss against my lips and smiled against me as he squeezed my hips.

"Matt!" I heard Chris's voice call from only a few feet away and we both broke apart to look over at him, "You guys done? We gotta go to class."

"I forgot about that," I joked and Chris just gave me a deadpanned look as Matt chuckled.

"We'll be there in a sec," he called to his brother who just rolled his eyes and spun around to walk back to his friends, "They're more pissed at you than I was."

"I can tell," I mumbled as I watched their eyes pour directly into me, "Allie messaged me though."

"She was the only one defending you," he told me honestly and I hummed as I looked back up to him, "I'll talk to them."

"Don't sugarcoat it. You can tell them I'm a dumbass who doesn't know how to deal with her emotions," I stated and he shook his head with a smile, placing a kiss on the top of my head before swinging his arm over my shoulders.

"Come on," he said nodding towards the group and I hesitantly began walking with him by my side. Their eyes stayed glued to us as we approached and Mia gave me nothing but a scowl with her arms crossed, "Chill out. We talked about it."

"That didn't seem like talking," Mia spat and I remained silent, letting Matt handle the situation as I looked at Allie who gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Don't Mia," Matt deadpanned and she only scoffed with a roll of her eyes, "We talked about it and I don't wanna hear it."

"Only took you a week," Nate raised his eyebrows as he spoke and he looked at me. I pursed my lips while glancing between them.

"At least it happened," Matt retorted before the bell rang and he sighed, "We'll talk about it later. Let's go."

He began walking with his arm around my shoulder still and I followed suit, Chris moving to stand on the other side of Matt as everyone else followed behind. We made our way to our classes and once we sat down, a weight fell back on my chest.

Not only did I have to make it up to Matt, I had to win back his brothers and his friends.

+++

Pretty boy where did u go?? 12:23pm

You 🚬 be there in a minute 12:24pm

I locked my phone, sliding it into my pocket as I finished off my cigarette, throwing it onto the ground before I wedged it into the ground with my boot. I made my way back inside and straight to the cafeteria where I saw the group of friends sitting together.

"Hey," Allie beamed as she scooted closer to Mia to make space between her and Matt for me to sit. I smiled at her as I swung my legs over the bench and sat down. Matt placed his arm around my lower back as he continued his conversation with Nick.

"I don't want to wear a tie. That's why I got the red shirt," Matt groaned and Nick gave him a deadpanned look.

"It's prom. You're supposed to look fancy with a tie," Nick stated and Matt ran a hand across his face.

"We're all wearing a tie. Don't be a bitch," Nate pointed out and I tuned them out as Allie tapped my shoulder to gain my attention.

"You okay?" she asked quietly and I nodded with a hum.

"Yeah. Thank you for checking on me," I answered in a hushed tone and she shrugged with her sunshine smile that warmed my heart to know she wasn't annoyed with me.

"Of course. That's what friends are for," she said casually before she turned back to listen to the group conversation. I let her words hang over my head like a cloud.

That's what friends are for.

I don't remember the last time I had a genuine friend and her simple words struck me right in my heart. She had always been kind to me and from the moment we talked, she had been such a light in my life. I realised I not only wanted to share my emotions and feelings with Matt but also with Allie to show her that I appreciated her.

I wanted to be better for both of them.

"How long do we have to stay there?" Chris whined as he threw his head onto the table dramatically and Allie rolled her eyes.

"You're acting like you're being held hostage. If you don't wanna go it's fine," Allie responded, her tone quietening at the end and I could sense the slight sadness at Chris's distaste for prom.

"Al, I told you I'm going and I'll stick to that. I just don't wanna be there for five hours," he lifted his head up to look at her and she shrugged, eyes glancing at the table.

"We can leave early and go back to my house," she offered and Chris's mouth broke into a smile as he nodded.

"Works for me," he said triumphantly before sitting up again, resting his elbows on the table in front of him.

"How are we getting there?" Mia asked, looking around at the group and I just sat there in silence, deciding to go along with whatever plan I knew Allie had already set up.

"Meet up at my house at five thirty so we can take photos and make sure we have everything and then we will leave at like six-thirty to get to the hotel," Allie explained the plan and everyone seemed to hum along in agreement. I felt Matt's arm snake further around my back as he scooted closer to me.

"How are we getting there?" Nick asked and Allie smiled as she adjusted her ponytail.

"I got us a limo," she announced happily and Mia showed her first sign of happiness of the day as she squealed excitedly, "You guys won't drink right?"

Matt and his brothers shook their heads with a firm no and Allie turned to look at me and I shrugged, "Depends on what it is."

"Bottle of champagne in the limo?" Mia asked Allie and Allie nodded causing Mia's smile to widen.

"You're dad won't arrest us if we drink?" Nate asked, the half-hearted joke not landing well with Mia as she rolled her eyes.

"Not if he doesn't know," she pointed out with a slight smirk and Nate raised his eyebrows before nodding in agreement.

"Did you find a dress?" Nate asked, turning his attention to me as he attempted to make conversation. I assumed that in the time I'd been in my other classes and was outside Matt had talked to Nate, Chris and Nick since they weren't glaring at me anymore but they still felt slightly standoffish.

"No. I'm just gonna make my own," I explained and he nodded, his smile in a downturned smile.

"Mad impressive that you can do that," he complimented me and I gave him a half-hearted smile as Matt traced circles on my hip with his thumb.

"Thanks. I just hope I can finish it in time," I explained and I could sense Mia's disgust towards me radiating off of her but I was learning to tune her out like I had always done before Matt came into my life.

Suddenly the bell rang for our next classes and everyone began getting up. I stood up from the table before Matt spun me around and kissed my lips gently. I froze for a moment, shocked at the fact he did that in the middle of the cafeteria but I quickly reciprocated the action before he pulled away.

"See you after school pretty girl," he smirked at me before he walked away and I stood still for a moment as I watched him walk away with Nick, Chris, Nate and Mia.

"You guys are so fucking cute it makes me want to throw up," Allie rolled her eyes playfully beside me and I looked around to see people staring at me once again. I pursed my lips, my cheeks tinging red as I hid a smile and shook my head before I began walking out of the cafeteria.

tags:

@dsturniolo @chrisstankyleg @lov3bug @pinklittleflower @thatcrazybitch-69 @trinity2058 @alorsxsturn @chrizznmetswife @ilovechrissturniolo1 @leprechaunbirthdaygirl @sturnfix @lilsstvrn @sturniololol @sturniolowhore @jebbie-project-blog @jaxyy219

[ashleyh713fanfics]

Dazai X Odasaku!Sister Ch6 and Ch7

Double Post:

Chapter 6: "Why Don't We Go On A Date?"

Chapter 7: "As Long As I Have You In My Life"

Summary: After Dazai's horrifying discovery that he is Odasaku's sister's "lifeline" and "only tie to her brother" the boy tries to give her something more permanent than a sad suicidal mistake like him.

Warning: pm! fifteen year old dazai, Dazai self destructing Odasaku death mentions, mention of torture/cruel training, manipulative behavior from both sides, underage drinking, talks of suicide. I gave Oda's sister a name but you can imagine it as y/n.

(This is chapter six and seven of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. It carries on from the three part intro I posted a couple days ago. I'll link it below to fully understand the story. Asagao's ability is to stop time for up to six seconds.)

Three Part Intro Here: (just cause the first chapter is so long)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

A03 Version Here:

Word count: 10k total

Chapter 6:

Osamu..I think you’re a good man. 

Six little words, six little words brought his entire world to a stand still. 

The foolishness of them danced across Dazai’s brain over and over again trying to decipher anything and everything about them only to come up empty. He couldn’t comprehend them, he couldn’t form them into reality no matter how hard he tried. 

So much so, that time passed by in a millisecond, Dazai staring at absolutely nothing, not present in the world at all. 

The bustling laughter of children as they made their way to school, the soft music from the speakers of the nearby shops, the feeling of a soft breeze across his features, none of them registered inside his brain. 

The only thing that did was the weight on his back, both emotional and physical as Asagao’s form slept motionless, unaware of the malfunction she had ushered by saying those six stupid, foolish and dangerous words. 

Just then, his phone started to sound inside his pocket only for the executive to finally look down and pull the object out, the move causing Asagao’s lips to let out a disgruntled groan in the process in order to shift the back of her head further across his shoulder. 

Answering the call, Dazai then heard a very familiar voice, pissed off per usual. “Hey Dazai! Where the hell are you!? I’ve been waiting for you to start this raid for three hours! You better get your sorry ass over here right now before I kick ya into next week, you hear me?!” 

At that, the boy’s eyes couldn’t help but flash with realization. Oh yeah, that’s right. Chuuya and him were supposed to raid a rival organization's hideout today. 

You see, the thing was, that whole little plan had slipped his mind because it was so utterly unimportant to him in every possible way. 

So much so, the bandaged menace lifted an eye in amusement. “Oh yeah, I decided I’m not coming! I got more important things to do. So do your best in my place, kay?” 

Lifting the phone away from his ear, he then waited as Chuuya’s voice shouted straight through the speaker, peaking the audio from how close he was to the device. “Ha?! You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me! You can’t just ditch!! What the hell do you gotta do instead?!” 

Dazai then put a finger up to his lips before humming back teasingly. “So nosey Chuuuya, are you jealous?” 

Almost immediately, the hot headed boy replied, disgusted by the notion. “Why the fuck would I be..! 

Yet that’s when the mafioso smirked before reaching forward in order to wrap his fingers around one of Asa’s crimson strains of hair hanging by her back in order to speak suggestively. “If you must know, I’m spending my day with a beautiful woman. So now you see why I can’t be there for your little raid. I’m already gonna have my hands full with something else.” 

The way he spoke those words, it was like he was implying something. Like he had just found another whore to sleep with and break for his own pleasure. And although that wasn't the case this time, Dazai knew that Chuuya would make the incorrect connection for him. 

And a moment later, the idiot man did just that. “You sick bastard! I swear to god I’m gonna..” 

Dazai only cut him off though, satisfied with the rage he had incurred before cheerfully replying back in a devious tone. “Oops! Seems like there's a bad connection. Gotta go, Chuuya! Now go be the good dog you are and capture that organization for me! Kay, byeee!” 

Then before he could interject, the brown haired mafioso quickly hung up the phone before throwing it into the grass with a large sadistic smile.

Ah, that was better. Nothing like Chuuya’s idiot thinking to snap him back to reality. 

Glancing back towards the sleeping Asagao, Dazai then lifted his hands up in order to physically push her head off of his shoulder only for the girl to groan in irritation, still not awake yet. 

Dazai then turned his body only for Asa’s head to fall onto his lap instead, the sudden warmth causing her to snuggle deeper only for the boy to tense at the sudden contact. Did this girl have no shame? She was just cuddling up with a murderer like nothing. 

Forcing himself to relax at the contact, the man then looked at her in exasperation. Damn, this girl slept like a rock. He supposed he’d have to try something else. 

Lifting his hands up, he then slipped his fingers around the large circular frames of her glasses in order to pull them off slowly with hum. “Time to wake up, sleeping beauty. Being so defenseless around a man like me, it’s not a wise decision.” 

She didn’t respond though, causing the boy to then narrow his expression before pressing his forefinger straight in the middle of her forehead roughly and poke the surface only for her to finally flop her eyes open with a whine. “Samu..” 

What was going on? She was so warm, so comfortable. 

Hold on, why was Osamu in her dreams? 

Just then, Asa then seemed to register the situation before she blinked in realization in order to propel her head off of his lap and gasp. “Osu?!” 

Laughing at her confused state, Dazai  then turned his head towards the fumbling girl. “Good afternoon, sweetheart. Glad you could join us today.” 

Asagao was still groggy though, the events of last night not fully registering as she placed a hand to her head. “W-What? What happened? Why was I…” 

Yet Dazai was happy to cut her off, his voice coming out pained and over dramatic as he held his back with a fake little pout. “You fell asleep on me and now my back really hurts. You’re so mean, Asa-channn making me stay here like this. Owwie..It was so uncomfortable!” 

It wasn’t really, but the boy wasn’t about to tell her the real reason why he had stayed complacent the whole time.  He didn’t want her to know that he had malfunctioned beyond basic human understanding. 

That just the mere belief in him had caused the boy to unravel. 

Asa only turned her head though, not really buying his “poor me” act in the slightest. “But you stayed here this whole time? Why didn’t you wake me up?” 

Almost immediately, the girl was confused. She knew Dazai wasn’t a touchy kind of guy, so the fact that he had willingly let her sleep on his shoulder for hours wasn’t in his character. So why had he done it? Why had he allowed such a thing?

And that was the question wasn't it? Why didn’t Dazai wake up, why did such a simple yet foolish statement cause him to lose sight of reality. It was stupid, he was stupid for it. Those words didn’t even mean anything. So why was he so enamored by them all the same?

But of course, he said none of those things, his mind an impenetrable fortress as he only smiled goofily in order to cover up his own conflict. “How could I when you looked so cute?” 

Asa didn’t even blink though, seeing through his facade in an instant. “I’m being serious Osu, you didn’t have to stay here for hours. You should’ve just thrown me off. I’m sure you had something important to do today.” 

That’s what he should’ve done, both of them knew it. Dazai wasn’t the kind of man to just selflessly allow such a thing to happen. Usually he’d just leave them in the grass and abandon them all together.

But this time, for some reason that Asa couldn’t figure out, he stayed. 

Not wanting to talk about such things anymore, Dazai then glanced towards the phone a couple inches away from him before recalling Chuuya’s pissed off reaction. 

And yes, he did have something to do today but letting his partner struggle was way more fun. So maybe this wasn't so bad after all. 

Because of that, the boy simply shrugged before fixing his crumbled black jacket carelessly. “Nothing interesting, but I must thank you, love. You gave me something far more entertaining in return.” 

Not understanding Dazai then watched Asa bat her innocent little eyes and turn her head in return. “And what’s that?” 

Already feeling his lips curve into a smug sadistic smirk, he finished cheerfully. “Why, an opportunity to mess with my favorite dog!” 

In fact, Dazai could already picture the stupid dumbfounded look on Chuuya’s face when he told him that he was ditching. It was music to his ears. Now he couldn’t join the raid, not when he had already gotten such a satisfying reaction from his favorite toy.

And though Asa didn’t fully understand what he was saying, his twisted response didn’t bother her in the slightest. In fact, it was the opposite, the girl thinking he would’ve been pissed after hours of having to be her pillow. 

Brushing the dirt and grass off her skirt, Asagao then pushed her feet to stand before looking out towards the bustling sounds around her. “Well, I’m glad you’re not mad but I guess I should be heading back. I already took up way too much of your time.” 

After this annoying night, the only thing she wanted now was to crawl back in her bed before she died of embarrassment from drooling on her brother’s best friend's shoulder without knowing. In fact, she could already feel the heat emerging to her cheeks at the memory. 

Yet that’s when Dazai paused before glancing towards the girl. “That might not be the best idea, love.” 

Asagao then paused only for the mafioso to grab his phone in order to show her the message he had received just a couple minutes prior. “I had my men stake out the place and it seems like Ango is still there. If you go back now he’ll probably try to drag you back again..” 

Then all at once, she felt her face fall. Oh yeah, Ango. She had forgotten about that stuck up, straight laced, government agent. Damn it, looks like she couldn’t relax like she wanted to now that he was chasing after her again. 

Grumbling to herself, Asa then ran a hand across her face with frustration before shaking her head in exasperation. Just when would he give it a rest? “...Great...looks like I can’t go home after all..” 

She then closed her eyes, trying her best not to show her annoyance before Asa sighed in order to turn back to the bandaged boy with a wave of her hand. “Either way, thanks again, Osu. I’ll let you get back to your illegal activities now.”

Dazai then watched her start to leave, already knowing that she was going to bumble around the city in order to kill time until Ango left. The question was, would she even make it back home with her blurry offset eyesight? Now that was to be determined. 

Just then, last night's events began to play in his mind like some kind of punishment. There was her voice again, mocking him into still silence. 

Osamu..I think you’re a good man.

Just great. First Odasaku was haunting him and now his sister was doing the same. Why couldn’t he get her foolish little statement out of his head? 

It’s not like he was happy about it, it was just a delusion on her part after all. Although now that he thought about it, Asagao seemed to delude herself about everything. 

She deluded herself by hoping that life had meaning, she deluded herself into never looking at the negatives and she deluded herself into thinking her big brother resented her even though it was not true.

But the biggest mistake she seemed to make was picking Dazai to be her constant, her unmovable tangible source of Odasaku’s life. Sure, letters were one thing, they were physical, unchanging, but him? He knew that he wasn’t reliable in that sense. 

Yes, Dazai knew himself better than anyone else. He was fragile and flighty, a flicker in this pathetic life that could burn out with just a slightest blow of air. He was wavering and artificial, and the fact that she had so openly stated that he was her lifeline was something that the boy found incredibly foolish. 

Because he couldn’t give her what she desired, what she needed more than anything. 

She couldn’t ground herself with him, even if she wanted to.

Because Dazai didn’t want to live, he didn’t want to wake up tomorrow and carry on with this joke of a life. And one day he was sure he would succeed in his wish to finally disappear from this world entirely. It was inevitable, and yet Asagao still clung to his physical body simply because she had nothing else to prove Odasaku’s writings. 

And Dazai knew she would be ruined like that, that putting such desperation into an already dead man would result in a cataclysmic detonation beyond human prescription. 

Because of that, the boy felt himself move, reaching forward in order to grasp onto Asagao’s hand and pull her against his chest. “You know, since we are now both suddenly free. Why don’t we go on a date?” 

Asagao only paused though, feeling the warmth from the proximity before turning to look at him in confusion. Did she just hear that right? No, it couldn’t be. “You’re asking me on a date?

Lifting his hands up with excitement, Dazai then spoke back. “Why not! My darling girlfriend has planned two of them already. I think it’s time I do the honors this time.” 

And he thought Asa would jump for joy at that, although it seemed she only stared at him with disbelief, like she couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. “I didn’t think you’d care about that kinda thing..” 

Pouting his lips, Dazai then jumped back from the girl in question before dramatically whining back. “How mean, Asa-chan. How could you say such hurtful things to your boyfriend like that? Did you ever think I just wanna spend some extra time with my cute girl?” 

Once again though, Asa deadpanned, not buying his boy-ish act. “Not really no..”

Gasping at her blunt reply, Dazai then shoved his hand over his heart in order to hunch over like he had been shot. “Ouch. You wound me, love! I don’t know how I’ll ever recover now!”

Although that’s when Asagao simply shut her eyes before giving a heavy sigh in order to turn back to the boy with a light smile. “Osamu, I appreciate the gesture but you know you don’t have to push yourself like that for me. I’ve already bothered you enough by going past our agreement and fell asleep on your shoulder without asking. I couldn't expect more.”

At that, Dazai couldn’t help but pause. Ah, she knew he was going out of his character and pushing himself past what he would normally do. What a clever girl, picking him apart like that. He couldn’t help but admire it.  

And though she was right in a sense, it wasn’t about want or not. It was more of a need. The need to give Oda’s sister something more reliable and tangible then just a sad suicidal boy like him, something that wouldn’t fade from her fingertips without warning. 

Because of that, Dazai simply reached forward in order to hold onto both her hands, a new sparkle in his eyes. “Aww Asa-chan, you’re so sweet for worrying about me. My heart has been restored! And don’t worry about the agreement, just think of this little outing as a freebie!” 

Asagao still didn’t seem overly convinced though, the girl trying to decipher his hidden intentions silently as Dazai smugly smiled. Oh, she was working overtime to get into his head, wasn’t she? Too bad he wasn’t going to reveal this little secret. 

And just as the boy predicted. Asa was stumped. She knew he wasn’t being genuine about asking for a date, that he had some kind of plan underneath it all. Hell, the boy didn’t even care about her, that much was already established. So why all of a sudden had Dazai asked for this strange request? 

She was curious, sure, but Oda’s sister still tried to stay strong, knowing she had already burdened him way too much today. Who cares if he was trying to manipulate her right now into something, their agreement was only about the letters. Nothing else. 

And she had already broken that rule tonight. No, she couldn’t break it any further. 

Yet that’s when Dazai lowered his eyes slowly before adding nonchalantly. “Oh, and did I forget to mention we are going somewhere that has to do with Odasaku?” 

Then all at once, Asagao felt her head immediately snap back to his. Wait, he was going to take her somewhere that her brother visited? Damn it, he knew she couldn’t resist that, not when she had been searching for traces of him all throughout Yokohama. 

Dazai on the other hand was smiling like a fiend, knowing that he had her right where he wanted her. From just the look on her face he knew she was squirming with conflict right now. Just the way he liked it. 

A moment later, Asagao replied, her voice slightly desperate. “Where?”

The mafioso then darkened before pushing a mocking finger up to her lips in order to cut off her curiosity. “Ah ah ah, you gotta say the magic words first. Now, let’s try this again..” 

Pushing his fingers away, Dazai then dipped his head down in a dramatic bow in order to lift his hand out to the girl in question, already knowing she was trapped against a metaphorical wall. “What do you say, love? Will you go on a date with me?” 

And for a moment, Asagao paused, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. But the more the silence clung onto the air, the more her fingers began to fidget and twitch with the idea of finding out more about her brother. 

Then all at once, her resolve faltered before muttering under her breath with embarrassment. “As long as you don’t mind..” 

Yet Dazai only shook his head at the weak attempt, wiggling his fingers in front of her before humming back in dissatisfaction. “I need a yes, love.” 

And then he waited, he waited for the submission that was a guarantee. Yes, Asagao was clever, she read him a million different ways but it seemed he still knew how to get what he wanted. And this time, he would win their little game. 

Taking a heavy breath, Asagao then closed her eyes before lifting her hand out to the devious man in question, already knowing she had lost this round. “Yes, Osamu. I’ll go on a date with you...” 

Although before her fingers could make contact with her hand, Dazai immediately closed the distance before grasping onto her hand with an excited cheer. “Yay! Now that wasn’t so hard, was it? Come on, let’s go!” 

He then shifted his fingers down to her wrist before turning around in order to drag the poor girl down an uncertain path as Dazai beamed happily, pulling his tamed little puppy along the way. 

And with that, he marked another tally in victory. 

Dazai Osamu: 2  Oda Asagao: 1

----

Chapter 7:

Throughout her blurry uncertain vision, Asagao felt her body pulled towards the unknown as she focused on the solid black mass that had consumed her whole world. And whether he realized it or not, the girl slowly felt the outside murmurs and voice disappear into her own mind. 

Because nothing else but him mattered to her.

Osamu seemed to have that effect on her every time she saw them, Asa always desperate to soak in everything about the oblivious boy regardless of the barriers in front of her eyes. His words, his actions, the way he held himself, the cadence in which he spoke, she categorized it all. 

Which was why his decision to take her on this date was so odd. 

Because as far as she knew, Osu wasn’t that kind of man. He was a cruel, manipulative, mafia executive that only did things out of pure entertainment or for some kind of tactical advantage. 

Yes, her brother was different but Asagao knew that the blood in her veins didn’t fully protect her from Dazai’s real character. 

Which was fine. She didn’t care that he was incapable of emotion and kindness. That’s not why she was here in the first place. She wasn’t that simple minded, and the last thing she wanted him to do was force himself out of that box and make him uncomfortable. 

But it seemed that today he wouldn’t take no for an answer which meant that he either had some other intention with their date or he was pushing himself to do something strange for the sake of Oda. 

Sighing to herself, Asagao then paused as her body collided with the mafia executive, not realizing the man had stopped completely. Oh, were they here already? She didn’t recognize this part of town. 

Yet that's when she felt his fingers reach forward in order to snatch the large circular frames from her face, eradicating her safety net as Asa’s eyes widened in fear. What was he doing? She didn’t want to see the world right now. “O-Osam..”

Although before she could protest, Dazai replaced the object with his hands, pushing her back against his chest in order to darken her surroundings before she could have time to process them. 

Then she heard his voice, sharp against her ear. “You’ll want to fully see this, love.” 

Fully see it? No, that was impossible. She didn’t want to see anything, she didn’t want to decipher anything fully. Then she would see the darkness, she would see the cracks in the perfect facade that life displayed. 

Dazai seemed to sense her distress though, his tone teasing as his fingers pressed deeper across her eyes to show her that they weren’t going anywhere. “What’s wrong, don’t trust your boyfriend? Afraid I’m going to hurt you while you’re defenseless like this?”

He was trying to scare her, to intimate her per usual. But if he thought that she was going to crumble between his fingers then he was sorely mistaken. “You know that’s not why..it’s just..my eyes..” 

Asa then heard him laugh in pure amusement before his bandaged arm brushed against hers in order to lift the surface and place it on an unknown doorknob in front of them. “Don’t worry, darling. I got you.” 

Did that mean he was going to keep her eyes covered for her until they got to where he wanted her to see? But what if he slipped up, what if he let go accidentally or for some kind of joke? What he was asking for required a lot of trust, trust from a boy that thrived on sadistic games. 

But even so, Asa complied, her fingers turning open the door as Dazai urged her forward in order for her breath to lodge inside her throat with each step. She had nothing to guide her, nothing but his body to rely on. 

Just then, his fingers found her wrist before lifting them up in order for her to register a railing as the mafioso hummed back into her ear. “Count the steps, love. There are twenty of them.” 

And so she did, the girl gripping around the railing for dear life as she counted each invisible step in her mind, careful not to trip as her back brushed against Dazai’s body in order to ground herself. 

Finally reaching the bottom, Asagao then sighed in relief only to hear him speak once again, the sound causing shivers to run down her spine. “Good girl, here’s your reward.” 

Yet that’s when she felt the safety of his fingers start to disappear from her eyes, causing Asa to gap in horror. Wait, what was he doing? He hadn’t given her glasses back. Was he serious about her seeing this place with her eyes? No, that was too scary. 

Blinding lights then filled her vision, causing the girl to squint before she couldn’t help but freeze at the very sight before her. And in a millisecond, she seemed to forget her own rule about viewing things from a blurry lens. 

Because staring back at her was a small cozy little bar, the atmosphere warm and secluded with rows of stools and the smell of liquor wafting through the air. 

Wait, she had seen this place before. 

Aggressively shoving her hands into her pockets, Asagao then pulled out the picture that Dazai had shown her last night before her eyes couldn’t help but widen with realization in order to lift the photo in front of the place slightly. 

Her assumption was right, it was a perfect match. 

Feeling any response fall silent in her throat, Oda’s sister whispered. “Is this…” 

Dazai finished for her, his hands in his pockets as he looked at the place in nostalgic sadness. “Bar Lupin, where the picture was taken.”

And almost immediately, Asagao felt her throat fill with emotion in order for her vision to blur with tears only for her to immediately blink them away. 

No, she didn’t want to only see the blurry picture of this place. She needed it to be real, to soak in every nook and cranny into it was permanently etched in her mind. 

Now she knew what Dazai had meant by saying she would have wanted to fully see this place without the barriers of her glasses. He was right, he was so incredibly right. This feeling, these physical floorboards under her feet. They felt so real. 

Her big brother had stood in this same exact spot, he had breathed in the same air and had seen the same view. 

Sure, she had been living in his old apartment for some time but Asagao had no proof that he had ever inhabited the place. 

But with the photograph between her fingers, Asagao knew that her mind wasn’t playing tricks on her. Oda was here, and now so was she. The idea was so simplistic and yet it brought her so much joy, her hands unable to stop the shake and smile towards the empty bar. 

Then she turned to the supposedly heartless mafioso before speaking through her tears. “Osamu, this is..thank you..I’m so happy..” 

So this is what he was trying to show her? He must have gotten the idea after hearing her outburst to Ango about not having anything but Osamu to cling to. How sweet, he knew she needed this more than anything. 

He always tried to act so scary but he really was like this, huh?

Dazai on the other hand stared at the empty place in silence as a mix of grief and familiar comfort coursed through him all at once. He had promised himself that he wouldn’t come back after Odasaku's death, and yet here he was all the same. 

The memories, the feelings were all so suffocating, he wished he never felt them in the first place. But this was the only place that Dazai knew Odasaku in, this was the only place that he could give Asagao. Because of that, he had gone against his own wishes. 

At least this place wouldn’t fade like himself, and that was enough for Dazai. 

That’s right, now when Dazai finally succeeded to die, when he left this world he knew that she could wallow her sorrows here, she could find her big brother in these walls. 

Now the boy wasn’t the only physical tie to Odasaku she had. 

Yeah, now he could die with peace again without the guilt of destroying the last piece of his best friend that resided in this shitty little life. Did that make him a good person? He wasn’t sure but this was something he felt like he had to do. 

For Odasaku, and for his precious little sister that the man had left in his fingers. 

Closing his eyes, Dazai then tried to wash away the feeling before settling into his usual seat by the bar in order to wave over the girl in question. “Let’s have a drink, love.” 

He then watched as she complied immediately, slipping into the stool beside him only for an unpleasant deja vu to fill his throat. Without her glasses she looked even more like Odasaku, especially from this angle. 

The bartender turned to him immediately, his tone plain. “What will it be, Dazai?” 

Tapping his fingers onto the top of the table, the mafioso already knew the answer. “Whiskey.” 

Then the boy turned his gaze towards Oda’s sister only to rest his head on the palm of his hand with a slight tease. “Well, what about you, darling? Don’t worry, they have apple juice.” 

He didn’t expect her to actually drink alcohol of course. She was just a fifteen year old girl, hardly old enough for liquor.

And hey, so was he but being in the mafia gave him a free pass. Besides, considering his other crimes, underage drinking was pretty low on the list of immoral behavior. 

Yet that’s when Asa pushed her lips together cutely before pushing her hand up in order to shield her hollow eyes and reply to the bartender. “Make that a double, please..” 

At that, Dazai couldn’t help but raise an eye, not expecting her response.“Ooooh, I’m impressed. But your brother would’ve had a heart attack hearing that.”

And he really would have. In fact, Dazai knew Odasaku would’ve definitely shut down Asagao's request for alcohol. Unlucky for her though, the boy wasn’t that considerate about laws and such. 

What could he say? Ango was right, he was a bad influence. 

Two amber colored drinks then slid into view as Asagao lightly traced her finger around the rim with a hum. “Would he? Then he better not find out that I started years ago.” 

Years ago, huh? Perhaps Asagao wasn’t as good of a girl as he once thought. “How scandalous, Asa-chan. Should I tell Ango about that?” 

At that, he watched her scrunch her nose up in disgust. “And what about you, Osu? You’re the same age as me.” 

Dazai only hummed though, knowing it wasn’t the same. “I’m also a criminal, love.” 

Asagao was silent, like she was processing the words before she threw the entire drink into the back of her throat before whispering bitterly. “Yeah well, so was I.” 

The words were so small and yet Dazai heard every symbol before curiosity and intrigue couldn’t help but take up his entire throat. Now why did she have to say something like that? Now he wanted to pry into her mind and pull out an answer. 

And there were many ways to do it, but none of them were savory in any way. You see, Dazai was skilled in manipulation and exploitation. He could seduce and coax even the strongest willed people. 

So trying to make Asagao talk about her life was as simple as blinking for him. 

It didn't matter if she seemed bothered when Ango brought it up last night. He’d get her to talk about it one way or another. 

Lifting his hand up excitedly, Dazai than beamed towards the bartender before waving. “Two more!” 

And as two more sets of liquor appeared in his vision, the boy simply slid them over to Asa with a fake innocence and a smile. “Go ahead, Asa-chan. And don’t worry about the price, it’s on me.”

He then watched Asagao look down at the new glass before picking up the object between her fingers.

And for a moment, Dazai thought he had succeeded in his bribe.

Although that’s when the girl simply closed her eyes before speaking into the glass plainly. “You know, Osamu. You don’t have to get me drunk. I’ll answer any question you want.” 

At that, Dazai felt himself pause before his smile dropped all at once in order for him to change into his true cruel nature. 

Ah, he should’ve figured it wasn’t gonna be that easy to coax her into his plans. He still wasn’t used to that, having someone that could read him almost instantly like a book. 

Although that’s when he truly processed her words. Wait, did she just say that he could’ve just asked her about her life? Interesting, Dazai had never had that before. Usually they shut him down and he had to resort to dirty tactics. 

How refreshing and yet utterly stupid on her part to open up to a man like him 

Parting his lips to reply, he then watched as Asagao quickly downed the two drinks he had given her anyways, causing his eyes to flash with confusion. 

Hold on, she had already figured out his plans to get her drunk and yet she was still going along with that anyways? What a strange girl. He thought she’d just push the glasses away. 

And with no answer to his intrigues, Dazai couldn’t help but speak back. “Then why are you still accepting it?” 

Pushing the glasses down from her lips, he then watched as Asagao paused before answering with a small smile. “Cause if you think I should be drunk for this conversion then I figured I should take you up on that offer.” 

She still wasn’t looking at him though, and Dazai concluded it was because she still felt uncomfortable because he hadn’t given her glasses back yet. It’s not like he minded though. She was really cute when she hid her face like that, all shy and meek. 

So instead, the boy didn’t speak about it, watching her call for another round of drinks before Dazai started his interrogation now that there was a rosy pink color to her cheeks. “Ango called you a hellhound. ” 

Almost immediately, Asa laughed under her breath before swirling the drink between her fingers. “Ah, so that’s what it is. You were right to order those drinks.” 

Dazai then watched as the girl threw back another shot before speaking distantly, like she was wrapping herself in some sort of memory. “The Hellhounds are an elite level of assassins, brought up from birth to be the perfect tools to those that hold their leash. Oda and I were orphans that were brought up into the same faction but because of my different way I saw the world,I was chosen as a candidate to be a hellhound.” 

Smiling bitterly, Asa then lifted a finger up to her throat before ghosting across the skin. “By age five I knew how to run a knife across someone's throat and put a bullet in their brain without them knowing. My ability allowed quick, precise and clean kills. You could say I was a bit of a prodigy, just like you are.” 

She then pushed, her face falling with unpleasant memories. “But the training..was intense...”

And as Dazai listened to her explanation things started to make sense. He didn’t know much about Odasaku before he joined the port mafia. He knew he was a freelance assassin but that’s about it. It made sense that he got those skills from somewhere. 

But try as he may, he couldn’t see sweet little Asagao as a bloodthirsty prodigy like he was. Sure, she had fought him before but the girl never seemed to intend to kill. 

Unless she was holding back on him this entire time.

 Ah, what a sneaky little princess. So hypocritical to tease him about playing around with her when she was clearly doing the same thing. She threw that gun away on purpose and limited her ability use during their fight to make it seem like he had the advantage. 

Now he wanted to fight her for real to see just how scary she could really be. 

Turning his head in curiosity, Dazai then pointed his finger towards her distant expression. “Is that how those pretty little eyes of yours became so hollow and empty?” 

He then watched as she clutched the empty glass between her fingers before the mafioso silently slid the rest of his drink over to her only for Asa to accept it gratefully. 

Damn, the answer to that question must’ve really been traumatic given that she needed more alcohol in response. 

And though most men would’ve changed the subject, Dazai only let her compose herself, silently watching as she closed her eyes before replying. “They made me see the darkest part of the world, they waterboarded me, disoriented me and then forced me to analyze every single depravity that the human mind could conjure up. It wasn’t for the weak of heart and… it broke something in me permanently...” 

Then before she could process it, memories and past feelings couldn’t help but creep up her spine. They were blurry and out of order but Asa got enough to know that her time as a hellhound wasn’t the most pleasant. 

Even now, she could feel the sharp cold chill of the icy tub as her ears drowned out any semblance of noise only to be assaulted with fingers on her face in order to scream at her to analyze the situation before her. She felt the blinding feeling of pepper spray in her eyes and blows to her head as she tried to answer the prompts that her captives had given her. 

She even felt the lingering sensation of cloth around her eyes as they plunged her into pitch black darkness for months on end only to blind her with bright lights and disorient her further. 

Her spine then began to shiver before forcing her eyes back open in order to blankly stare at the amber colored liquid in front of her. “I can’t turn it off anymore, I can’t help but see every fucked up corner of people’s intentions. My eyes catch every spec of darkness, every disappointment. So much so that it hurt to see, still does. I hate it, this thing they made me into..”

And that was the thing she hated more than anything. It wasn’t that those people had molded her into a robotic mold of their perception. It wasn’t that they essentially tortured her into their own design. 

It was the fact that she was now permanently damaged, doomed to live the rest of her life in a sacred manner. She couldn’t look at the world anymore without seeing the bad. She couldn’t escape the sharp headaches and nauseous feelings in her chest just by wishing she was any semblance of normal. 

Some days she even thought about ripping her own eyes out of her sockets, to perfectly gouge them out and blind herself so that she didn’t have to perceive anything ever again. 

Forcing herself to carry on, Asagao finished robotically. “But one day my body couldn’t keep up. They left me to die because I was no longer sufficient and Oda found me. Then he faked my death, hid me away, gave me my glasses so I didn’t have to see anymore and became an assassin in my place.” 

At that, Dazai felt his fingers slip into his pockets before feeling the metal of her glasses in order to pull out the object and place them on the table. 

He had taken them for her benefit but now that the boy knew the full story of such insignificant objects, it didn’t seem right to withhold them anymore from her. 

Sure, Asa had vaguely told him about the reasons for her glasses but now that the details were all laid out, Dazai couldn’t help but look at her with a new light. 

These lenses weren’t just a preference, they were a necessity to her. 

She needed them just like Dazai needed his bandages, and that was something the fifteen year old boy could understand quite well.

 It seemed like they had more in common than he originally thought. 

The girl accepted the glasses immediately, her fingers wrapping around the objects before placing the safe guard around her eyes before smiling softly in return. “And now, I’m free, my big brother gave me freedom.”

Freedom? The term was incomprehensible for the young boy. What did that feel like, to be free? To not be tied down by the darkness of the past? He didn’t know. 

Just then, Dazai’s mind filled with that same twisted mindset he had come to know. What a stupid girl, she was talking about freedom when she was sitting next to one of the most dangerous men in Yokohama. 

She had just dangled her skills and past resume in front of his face so carelessly.

Swirling his finger around the rim of his drink, the mafioso threatened back. “Shouldn’t you be a little more cautious about telling me all of this so easily? I am the demon prodigy after all. I could force you back into that life..”

And he could. If he really wanted to, Dazai knew he could pull her into the port mafia and use her talents for his own selfish desires. She had to have known that. 

But then why was she just spilling such dangerous secrets so easily? 

Asagao only hummed though, his threat leaving her unshaken. “Hypothetically yes, and I’m sure you’ve thought about it at least once or twice. I’m a tempting offer after all. Any executive would jump at the chance to use me..”

Then he watched as Asa narrowed her eyes for a moment before adding lightly. “But unlike what Ango believes, I know you won’t actually do it.”

Wouldn’t actually do it? Now that was a bold statement. He wondered what proof she had for that. “And why is that, love?” 

Although that’s when Oda’s sister turned her body towards him for the first time since their conversation in order to speak with a victorious tease. “Cause it’s not what Oda would’ve wanted.” 

At that, Dazai felt his lips curve into a bitter smile. Ah, she was right. She knew that Odasaku’s blood in her veins was keeping her safe. It was almost like she was rubbing that little detail in his face. Low blow.

For as dark and twisted as his mind was, Dazai knew that Odasaku had spent years trying to keep his little sister safe. Sure, having her in the port mafia would be a great benefit, but it would also ruin everything his best friend had ever worked for. 

And that was something Dazai couldn’t do, no matter how evil he claimed to be. 

Feeling himself laugh under his breath at her correct assumption, the boy then turned his head, playing devil's advocate just for the hell of it. “And let’s just say I didn’t care about that. What would you do then?”

Asagao then paused, thinking about his question before answering back with confidence. “Then I would let you drag me into the port mafia. But the only orders that I'd ever answer and respect would be yours.”

Dazai was certainly taken back by that. Was she serious? He knew her dedication to him was rather irrational but would she seriously put herself back in the darkness for his sake? Would she really disobey her big brother's last request that easily? 

Trying out to laugh off her foolish joke, the boy pushed his hand under his chin before teasing sensually. “I’m flattered, love. So you would be my loyal subordinate then?” 

But there was no hesitation or humor in her response. Only straight laced honesty. “Yeah, cause I need you by my side in order to see my big brother. Subordinate, girlfriend, they are just titles. An excuse, a way to keep each other around. In the end it doesn't matter what I’m called as long as I have you in my life.” 

And try as he may, Dazai couldn’t help the bitter, unpleasant taste that built up in his throat. No, she wasn’t serious. There was no way. Her admiration, her desperation to find her brother, would she really have gone that far just for Oda’s sake? 

He hated it, he hated the very little self respect she displayed, knowing that Odasaku would’ve also been horrified by what she was saying. She didn’t need Dazai in her life. Hell, her life would’ve been so much better without even knowing him. 

And he knew that their titles of boyfriend and girlfriend were a sham but he never thought it would go this deep, that she would so desperately grab onto whatever excuse she could find in order to connect the two of them together. 

Because of that, Dazai felt his mind run wild with possibilities.

In another reality, if that actually happened, if he had dragged Asagao back then did that also mean that Oda’s sister would’ve killed for him? Would she have snapped back to her old ways just in order to please him, to give him a reason to keep her around? 

Didn’t she know how dangerous that was? 

How could she possibly give a demon like him that much power to abuse?

Stretching her arms up in the air, Asagao then gave a goofy smile before beaming towards the boy all at once. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter what we call ourselves. In any universe or reality it would still be the same. You’re not getting rid of me anytime soon, Osu!” 

She said that so proudly, so confidently that Dazai couldn’t help but allow his eyes to fall back on his drink. How could she be so passionate about him? He was a mess in every possible way. No one wanted to hang around him, and for good reason. 

Their lives were so similar, both filled with horrors and brutal truths, and yet Asagao always wore a smile while he drowned in the pointlessness of it all. How could she do it? How could she feel so free when he was still chained by his own mind even today. 

Because of that, Dazai felt his own tipsy lips move without permission, whispering into his glass with a sadness he rarely let free. “After seeing all that evil, how can you not want to die like me?” 

And then he waited for her response, his shoulders tense and anxious from the sudden spilled murmur before Asagao lifted her head up in silent thought. “Mmm I don’t know. By all aspects that should be the case, right? But I’ve never felt that way, not once..” 

Then her lips formed a lighthearted smile in return. “I guess it’s because I’m waiting for life to pleasantly surprise me. Just like you do, Samu.” 

At that, Dazai lifted his head up in confusion. “How have I surprised you?”

Pushing her hands across the bar in explanation, Asa then replied lightly. “Well, you showed me this place to make me feel better, right? Even though I’m sure it brought back unpleasant memories, you still took me here for my sake..”

And Asagao knew that Dazai could act all he wanted but he had shown his true colors tonight. Sure, he may have used an underhanded tactic to bring her here but he had knowingly done the one thing she needed more than anything else. 

Dazai though, didn’t feel the same way, knowing this date wasn’t as pure as she was making it out to be. The only reason he brought her here was to shift her devotion and admiration to something else, something more permanent than a dead man walking.

Pushing his hand up to his lips, the boy frowned under the skin. “Did it ever cross your mind that my reasons were selfish?”

And for a moment he thought she’d be disappointed, that she’d yell at him or cry once she realized the fabrication he had set up to make himself feel better. 

Although that's when he watched the girl turn to him, her hand to her heart in absolute passion. “So what? Selfish and selfless, those are just small details. The results are the same. Doesn’t change the fact that you gave me such a precious gift..”

Lifting her hand to rest against her head, Asagao then gave the stunned boy a toothy smile of glee before adding wistfully. “But then again, nothing could ever be as precious as you, Dazai Osamu.” 

And with those words, Dazai’s eyes widened in order to find himself slipping back into the very same malfunction that had plagued him just a couple hours ago. 

Precious? 

Him? There was no way. He was just a pathetically depressed kid. He wasn’t anyone, especially anyone precious. She was the precious one, she was Odasaku’s beloved sister and he was..well..he was nothing of value..

So much so, the boy tried to wipe the compliment away, not knowing how to take it. “You’re drunk, love.” 

He then watched as Asagao’s lips turned into an adorable little pout in order to whine back to him through her rosy pink cheeks. “Whaaa, am not! I was being serious! I really do think you’re precious to me, even if you don’t feel the same. And anyways, It takes a lot more than..one..two..three..a bit of booze to knock me down!” 

Dazai then watched as the red haired girl looked down at her fingers before failing to count the number of drinks she had ingested only for the boy to snicker under his breath. 

Oh yeah, she was definitely drunk. 

So much so, the boy lifted his hand up before patting the top of her head like a little puppy in order to break her concentration. “Careful, sweetheart. You’re gonna burst a blood vessel if you think that hard.” 

Seemingly jumping back to life, Asa then lifted her finger in the air. “The point is..!” 

Her eyes then began to daze in order to slowly drop her head with confusion. “What was the point again..” 

Yet before Dazai could answer, Asagao was back at it, her expression changing back to one of passion in order to lean closer on her stool. “Oh yeah! The point is, why would I wanna die when there are still so many opportunities for the world to be beautiful? I don’t wanna miss one by giving up so soon..” 

Leaning even closer, the girl then gasped as she slid out of the stool completely only for Dazai’s strong bandaged arms to catch her before she hit the ground. 

Asagao didn’t seem to care though, her eyes showing through her glasses in order to lift her finger up and boop his nose with a slight giggle. “And neither should you, love”

Then the girl seemed to gasp in excitement before completely slipping out of his arms in order to turn to the small radio next to the counter. “Ah! I love this song! Turn it up Mr. Bartender!”

Skipping over to the open area, Asagao then began to bounce and dance to the song in child-ish glee only for Dazai’s eyes to travel down to the hands that once held her before balling his fists with a bitter chuckle. 

What was she saying? He shouldn’t give up on life? Foolish girl, he gave up a long time ago. It was too late for those kinds of words. She should’ve known that. 

How dare she put such pointless and toxic thoughts inside his head like that. 

Lifting his head to look up at the carefree girl, the mafioso then watched in stunned silence as she twirled and giggled across the bar without a care in the world. 

She looked so free like this, so unchained and open. He wondered how it felt, to radiate such genuine happiness and to be unequivocally herself. Because Dazai had never felt happy, not in that kind of way. 

He used happiness as a tool, as a mask to further his manipulation. He knew the concept, sure, but actually conceptualizing such a thing? He had realized from a young age that it was impossible for someone as broken like him. 

But Oda’s sister, she seemed to radiate the emotion with her entire soul, she knew the wonder and mystery of it. And Dazai couldn’t help but be jealous of such a fact, knowing he would never experience such a human emotion to the level that she was. 

That’s when his eyes couldn’t help but flash with painstaking realization. 

Oh, he had it wrong this entire time, didn’t he? Dazai had connected the similarities between their backstories, their intelligence, their manipulation and their necessity for his bandages and her glasses. 

But looking at her now, the boy knew they weren’t anything alike. 

In many ways Asagao was like a sun, her light always exuding positivity and hope with every response. She was unreachable, a fragile yet strong flower that was just barely out of reach in every possible way. 

And Dazai, well he was a black hole, unable to find anything of value but the darkness that always consumed every part of his twisted fucked up soul. And while she was unreachable, he was a ghost, flickering in and out of this life, unable to touch anything or anyone. 

They shared so many similarities and yet Asagao still saw the good, she saw the very best the world could offer while Dazai couldn’t even find one beneficial thing around him. 

He almost wished that they didn’t weren’t so alike, simply because then the boy could excuse their lives as plain nativity on her part. 

That’s what he thought all that positive bullshit came from in the first place, thinking that she was just a spoiled and sheltered girl that Odasaku had protected. 

But she wasn’t, she had seen just as much evil and pain as Dazai had. And yet, her responses were so vastly different. She had managed to keep her humanity while the boy had descended into a full blown monster. 

And Dazai would be lying to say he wasn’t both incredibly jealous and yet so genuinely intrigued by her in every way. 

No, that wasn’t the right word. 

He was enamored, he admired her resolve more than anything else. What a beautiful, enthralling sight. It was intoxicating, and enchanting in every way, seeing how she defied the corruption of the universe. 

Although that’s when the bartender interrupted his thoughts, his eyes also gazed towards Asagao in question. “Dazai, who is that woman?” 

Shifting his body to rest his back against the bar, Dazai then smiled to himself before answering honestly. “She’s Odasaku’s sister.” 

The bartender then felt himself freeze before looking at the girl in a whole new light. “I can see it.” 

Lowering his eyes in admiration, Dazai then felt his lips curve a bit wider. Ah, she’d be so happy to hear that. “Me too.” 

And he really did, he saw Odasaku in her so clearly, especially now. It was in her carefree attitude, it was in the sense of unbothered calm she always had when she was around him. If only Asa realized just how much she brought her big brother to life by just merely existing.

Lifting his head to the sky, the boy then closed his eyes in order to speak to his old friend. Oh Odasaku, why did you give me to your sister like this? Don’t you see I’m no good for her? Did you really trust me not to corrupt her?

Yet that’s when he heard another voice enter his mind only to watch a drunken man try to make his way up to Asa only for Dazai to darken his eyes in order to quickly jump off his stool and lift an arm out to the girl in question. 

Asa then felt his bandaged arms wrapped around her waist a second later, pulling her into his chest only for the girl to look up in her drunken daze. “S-Samu?” 

She was then met with his endless brown gaze, staring at her in order to slip his hand into hers with a light chuckle. “Can’t leave my girl hanging, now can I?” 

Feeling his head tilt towards the unwelcome presence, Dazai then pushed her body closer to him before glaring wordless in silent threat for the depravity that lay behind the drunken man's eyes. 

The stranger then stumbled away in order for the mafioso to hum in acceptance before his hands traveled to his “girlfriend’s” hips as she hummed to the music. “Didn’t think the great executive liked to dance.” 

Smiling under his breath, Dazai lowered his head, meeting her eyes. “What can I say, you’ve inspired me.” 

Yet that's when Asagao’s lips turned into a frown before turning away from his gaze with a mutter. “What am I gonna do, Osu? I can’t go home..Ango is gonna say annoying things again..” 

At the mention of Ango, Dazai felt his throat tick with unpleasant memories. Ah, that’s right. Ango was still staking out her place, hoping she’d come back. Well, it wasn’t like she could show up drunk either, then he’d really have a conniption. 

But it also wasn’t as if he could let the clumsy glasses-wearing girl out free in Yokohama. She couldn’t even find where she was going sober, which meant she definitely wasn’t going to be okay like this. 

Which only left one option left. 

Asagao then felt his lips brush against her ear before she heard Dazai’s next words, the meaning causing her entire body to shiver and her eyes to widen all at once. 

“If you really have nowhere to go then how about you come to my place, sweetheart?” 

[barbieaiden]

2. [Doorbell rings]

3. Kell: Sam. Fuck. Uh. I totally forgot you were coming. Sorry about the mess, I was going to clean.

Sam: Were you sleeping?

Kell: Yeah, but I should've probably woken up, like, 9 hours ago so it's a good thing you came.

4. Sam: I can help you clean.

Kell: Yeah, no, that's not happening, I would die from embarrassment. Sorry if it's smokey in here, I don't want to give you an asthma attack.

Sam: No, it's fine.

5. Sam: Are you okay?

Kell: Not at all.

Sam: Did something happen?

Kell: Well, I don't know if you know this, but one of my closest friends got himself into a coma?

Sam: Very funny.

Kell: Then it's been downhill from there. How is he? Aiden?

Sam: He's, um...

6. Sam: I don't know. He's acting like the whole thing was just nothing.

Kell: To be fair, he was unconscious the whole time so it was probably nothing to him. Plus, this isn't his first drug-related medical emergency, is it? You, however, were a wreck. Like a total mess.

Sam: I'm sorry, next time my fiancé is in a coma I'll think of being more presentable.

Kell: Good.

7. Kell: No seriously, pretty understandable with the situation and all. I'm glad things turned out the way they did, I'd have no one to get high with if Aiden died.

Sam: Kellan.

Kell: I'm kidding. Also, it wasn't weed that got him into a coma, Sam.

8. Kell: Seriously, though, actually seriously this time, I get it. I mean, I was a wreck too. Honestly, I don't know what I would've done if Aiden died.

9. Kell: Especially not like that. The waiting was the worst, not knowing if he'd be okay or not. I mean, I don't know about you but I had some hope he'd live, but still.

Sam: [Shakes head]

Kell: You didn't think he'd live? Like, at all?

10. Sam: ...no.

11. Kell: In other news, my date last weekend was so bad. Unimaginably bad. Easily top 3 list bad.

Sam: You have a list of your worst dates?

Kell: Well, Sam, some of us aren't super fucking lucky and randomly meet the love of our lives one day. I have to gamify it to maintain my sanity. She was really nice, though, it was my fault. I just wanted to go home the entire time.

12. Sam: Let me know if I can help.

Kell: With dating? You might be in a long-term relationship but you're not qualified.

Sam: No? You know what I meant.

Kell: Dude, you're literally the last person I'd unload my emotional baggage on right now. I'm more likely to do it to Aiden. Aiden.

Sam: Kell, you are not making me feel better.

Kell: I'm not trying to. I'm giving you a reality check.

13. Sam: I don't need a reality check, I'm well aware I've been a mess.

Kell: You literally went straight from a mental breakdown to taking care of Aiden.

Sam: Yes? He was in a coma? He's my fiancé? We live together?

Kell: Okay, now you're just making me feel lonely. You're literally third wheeling me and Aiden's not even here.

Sam: You brought it up!

Kell: Oh. Right.

14. Kell: Have you slept in the past week, by the way? Because it doesn't look like it.

Sam: I have. This is just what I look like.

Kell: It's not.

Sam: Yes, it is. You're just insulting me now.

15. Kell: My point is, you let me know if I can help you.

Sam: You could have phrased it in a nicer way.

16. Sam: Can we talk about something else? I'm getting tired of coma related conversations.

Kell: Oh, for sure. I can tell you about my worst dates list and you can laugh at me. I have it written down and everything.

Sam: What?

Kell: Yeah, with details. Do you want to see?

Sam: ...sure.

[moroser]

[incoming long and personal and dark post]

it dawned on me that it’s april and that means it’s been 6 years since i stopped doing drugs. big achievement. i did weed the whole time, thinking i needed it to keep away from the worse stuff, but i stopped that too, almost 2 months ago now. everything i’m about to talk about i did without anyone in my life (offline) noticing and all by myself.

my entire life has been unstable and so difficult. and i mean difficult and sad. i used to drink pretty heavily, but i stopped when i found pills. i was taking pretty much any opioid i could find, i even stole them. i was text book addict with pills. i had every excuse to keep going with it, it made sense to me at the time. i was in so much pain mentally, emotionally, and eventually, physically. taking them was reprieve. 

eventually, i was taking so many a day, quite honestly i should have died. my brain was blank, i lost my creativity and i stopped drawing, which is the one thing i love the most to do. create. even though i did not stop, the fact i felt nothing in that realm anymore was heartbreaking. i’d spent several nights staring at the ceiling practically waiting to die. i had one dream that i can remember while on drugs and it was of me staring at myself opened-eyed and dead on my bed. it shook me.

the drugs affected my ability to think, cry and feel, then one day on my way to work, after taking so many, i got so sick on the side of the road on the freeway several times. eventually i pulled off into a town i didn’t know and passed out in the parking lot of a gas station for who knows how long. i woke up dazed with the taste of puke in my mouth, and totally dehydrated. i missed work, i was embarrassed with myself. i have no idea how long i sat there for before getting out of the car to walk around. eventually i made it home but i felt like i wasn’t the same after that. 

decided to detox (after trying before, and failing), which was the worst events i’ve been through in my life. took days, nearly a week to get over the worst of the symptoms. i don’t think i slept at all. i was so sick, shakes and chills, vomiting, etc. i let spongebob play for the entire time, that sponge grounded me lol. i’d made it through that time. and i stuck too it, using my desire to feel my creativity again and wanting to be better to my body to stay away from relapse. 

2017 i cleared my system of alcohol, pills, energy drinks, pop, and the only thing i’d let myself use was weed because i felt it would stop me from everything else. and technically, it did. it aided me for a long time. but the passed ~3 years i’ve been so ill with stomach issues and nausea and throwing up that i decided to stop that too. 

so now i’ve been completely sober for 1 month and 21 days. for the first time since high school i have nothing in my system that is altering me the way substance abuse has. it’s been a major adjustment. my focus is shit, my sleeping is difficult and my dreams are insanity. it literally feels like i’m sleeping just to wake up somewhere else because my dreams are so vivid and clear. i wake up every four hours having to adjust and remember i actually live here, not in dreamland. i didn’t dream at all while on drugs or weed, so in a way, i welcome the vibrancy of them. 

looking back, none of those things helped me. they only broke and shrouded my spirit with a darkness i don’t want to feel ever again. i want to be healthy and i want to give my body the chances that it deserves. i want to heal properly. i want to live so much. i want to find someone to be with that will understand me and accept me even with my flaws and history. i feel better already, but i know there’s still a long journey ahead and i can only hope it gets better. i deserve better. i know i’m a good person. i know i have so much creative potential in me and it’s what i want to give my energy and soul to.  

thanks for listening, if you read this. i am proud of myself for getting as far as i have but the support from my friends and strangers online has been a colossal sense of communal help i’ve never had offline. sharing my art has been a big help and just people enjoying it means so much to me. thank you.  

[kintsukuroi-babes]

Draft I wrote like a few months ago:

I haven’t been sleeping or eating. I’ve probably slept a total of 12 hours the entire week. I’ve been on a huge Dexedrine bender trying to get everything done and I pretty much got everything done but I am so exhausted, feel like a machine. The other night it was like day 3 no sleep ans I was at work ans I was hallucinating all day at work, seeing shadows run past me or like animal shadows hiding away when I look in the corner. Then I got home from work and the hallucinations got even worse. I saw little bugs moving ans crawling all over, the scarf in my closet turned into a cat that was in the shadow ans he was playing. From the corner of my eye I saw my boyfriend on my bed but it was just the shape of the pillows. When morning hit I wanted to keep doing stuff but I was becoming delirious, talking to the shadow entities and laughing for no reason. My body was shutting down ans I felt like I was on the verge of psychosis so I went to sleep and slept for 6 hours. Then I got up and went to work again, went hope did the same shit. I wrote 11 pages in my diary about one friend and how similar we are and how we met in the mental hospital and have the same issues and go thru the same stuff. I stayed up all night taking Dexedrine (popping them and snorting them) and took all of my Ativan this week to counteract the intense anxiety. I’m so tired, my back hurts, my mind is exhausted. I had to take a lot of my Ativan last night because my heart was beating so fast ans when I went to measure my heart rate I think I felt heart palpitations. I was scared of the worst that I could die so I put Jesus around my neck. I was okay tho. I slept for 4 hours today ans now I’m at work again. I’ve only been eating one small thing a day and not drinking enough water I’m probably malnourished. There’s like no food in my house so, and the drvgs make me not hungry, I’ve just been body checking sometimes to see if it’s working if I’m getting skinnier but it didn’t change as much as I hoped. I haven’t told anyone what I’ve been doing bcuz I just feel so ashamed about it and embarrassed and scared. I don’t want to tell my bf about it bcuz I don’t want him to see that side of me, the manipulative, desperate, weak me. Deep down I’m scared to tell him because I’m scared he will not want me. The bottle of Dexedrine wasn’t even mine I stole them from my best friend and lied about it. Being an addict is so shameful ans I feel like such a horrible person. I hate the old me ans I feel like hee again, I don’t want anyone to know I’m hee again, I’m just like the old me doing this. I just want the rest of it to be gone already.

[singupdates]

Week 7 This Might Work?

WOW, just wow. This is the most brilliant idea that I ever thought of in my entire life. As soon as I hit home, I spent the entire night brainstorming about this idea. I felt my excitement went through the roof and for the whole week I think about this idea for every minute of my time awake. I lost hours of sleep trying to get this whole idea together and talked to so many friends about this. They all love it! I remember between Thursday and Friday, in that 48 hours, I slept 6 hours in total while the rest of the time went to this. Since then, I did so many research and constantly discuss with my group over the week. I get to a point that I realised that this is not a school project, this is what I'm gonna do after I finish Uni in a month.

In class, we learnt how to build a good business model, how to estimate revenue, and journey mapping. As a group, we spent some time after class to work on this and save all our files into microsoft teams. As the idea is good by itself, it made other stuff seems to be easy. When it comes to revenue, I found 5 ways to earn from this app, include subscription model, ad revenue, affiliate marketing, 2-sided market, and in-app purchase which follow the cash cow, small margin, and loss leader model.

Exciting things are coming...

[things-that-just-happen]

I Stayed Overnight At An Airport for the First Time - Obviously, It Sucked

After two weeks, the BU Summer Challenge came to an end. BU Summer Challenge is basically like a "summer camp" where I traveled to Boston University to take two college classes I chose and attended other activities, such as going to the beach and watching a movie with my friends. Some activities are optional, others are mandatory.

Anywho, let's get to the point.

So I stayed overnight at Boston Logan International Airport because...well...it's a long story.

Here's how it went:

I arrived at the airport around 3:30pm on Friday, August 4. For the first few hours, I turned in my luggage, went through security, and had a last meal with my BU Summer Challenge friends. Around 6:00pm, I was alone. I had to wait until around 8 because my flight was delayed. Initially, I was supposed to board at 7:10.

Once everyone boarded the plane around 8, we all waited about an hour and a half before we had to get off the plane. We basically went nowhere. We had to get off because one of the computers on the plane wasn't working. That didn't mean the plane couldn't fly, but I assume that computer was crucial for navigating around in the air or something (I'm not a plane expert).

So there we (all passengers) are, waiting for the next incoming update. We were told that the flight boarding time was extended to 12:28am. We waited more, and 12:28 passed. That was when passengers began to express their agitation, and I can't blame them.

And then when I found out that the flight was extended to 11:00am the next day (Saturday, August 5), I whisper-shouted "What the fuck?!" while laughing because the situation was just so ridiculous that I couldn't even get mad. When I looked up, I saw a couple people looking at me.

"Sorry, sorry," I said while continuing to giggle.

Later, I noticed one flight attendant trying her best to calm the angry crowd of people down. She said that she can offer beds for us to sleep overnight, which is obviously good. But one of the passengers accused her of having an attitude, and a couple others agreed.

I was like, "Are you serious? She's trying her best to help. Either take the beds or leave it, 'cuz this situation is not getting any better."

It was already getting super late. I remember going downstairs to Carousel 10, where foldable beds were being handed out. The thing is...the music playing above was super loud. It was cold as hell. There was this high-pitched beeping sound that kept going off every now and then. I only slept about 30 minutes the entire night. You might be wondering, "Why didn't you bring a jacket in the first place? Airports are generally very cold, right?"

Yes, you are most definitely correct. The thing is, I lost my jacket and my neck pillow. My jacket was an oversized red zip-up that had the word Boston on the front. My neck pillow was given to me by a friend that I might never see again. I feel so ashamed of myself that I lost two of my most treasured items. The entire night, I was freezing, hungry, and tired. But at the same time, I couldn't sleep.

Anywho, after waking up from my short nap at 4:00 am, I went through security all over again.

As I was walking to my gate, I bought a grey oversized hoodie with the word Boston on the front, along with a couple breakfast snacks. Did I buy a neck pillow? No. I already spent about $34 dollars in total - the grey hoodie being the most expensive item - and I didn't want to spend any more than necessary.

After eating my snacks, I finally got a good rest from 6:30am to 10:00am.

And hey, remember when I said the flight was delayed to 11:00am today. It is 11:56am right now. The flight got delayed again. At this point, I am no longer surprised.

[shadendesire]

I hate this. I hate having broken down. And still feel like I am crumbling. Everything else seems so much more important and all the little things blow up to massive problems. I have zero energy, & cannot tell what is my physical problems (which I have to keep track of if I am going to monitor my disease without regular doctors appointments) & what is in my head or entirely made up. I slept for 13 hours yesterday (nearly it Saturday). I barely managed not to sleep for much more. If I had not had the game I would have. And that caused me to feel like I was an absolutely shit player.

I puked my guts out right in front of everyone in the house Saturday. It wasn’t quiet or discrete like I try to keep them when others are present. It was a hacking, coughing fit, that I am still experiencing coughs from. The fact that there were at least 6 people in the house moving things around, packing up, disassembling everything did not help in the slightest (especially as that much dust can totally screw with me). The fact that the juice I had gotten when walking home Friday went quicker than expected did not help (and I hate my brain for thinking if I drank it all or if it just did not get replaced). Which spirals me to the worry over my funds being dry for the next month or more because of shitty doctor, managing the one trip I can allow myself this year, repay the debt I owe both friends & bill companies/apartments, both counting pills and trying to stretch to cover for insurance to kick in, and being a burden/worthless/unwanted. And I know all of this is blown far too much out of proportion, not to mention ridiculous. But I still cannot stop it. Just like I cannot stop the thoughts of me feeling pushed into the room or out of the apartment while it all went on, & unable to have spoons to try and be sociable or help even if I did not feel that way.

And then when I did manage to wake for a little after the sleep I fell into fitfully after the game I could not find my mouse, come to to find the apartment deserted and bare (reminding me too much of the past few years selling off everything I own or having to discard it), and going to put my stuff up and finding my chess set had been damaged when things were being moved around. Yes I have it delicately fixed, but with it now like this I am scared to even consider using it anymore. It’s older than me by many years or decades, and even considering the thought of putting it away seems ridiculous. I know it’s nothing special, and even where I got it is tied with shitty memories, but it is one of the few things I always adored. Even if I no longer have the mind for it.

But with today I worry if I have even a body much longer. I still just want to sleep, I have not eaten much or kept it down since I broke last week. I am altering wildly between too hot and cold. Running a slight fever & the thought of drinking tap water nearly turns my stomach. Which itself is volatile in general & made worse by whatever smell is emanating from the fridge & broken freezer. Which in all the chaos of packing is apparently being overlooked of needing to clean out. And is the one thing I know I cannot manage to do myself (why I always kept mine so low stocked since everything began).

I know I should go to the doctor of one kind or another, before my body sends me to the emergency room. Or at least tell someone. (Especially since it took an effort to even bring myself to be on social networks, and likely am signing back off after this. They don’t provide any relief in a state like this and even make things worse. And I am just so tired already) But goddess knows what already all of that tells me back to everything here.

[molosmojo]

Hajj 2023: Performing the Hajj rituals

"All that you have been praying for and all that you have paid for, is finally here - the next 4 to 5 days are the most important days for each one of you to complete your Hajj and being called a Haji"

The coordinator's words for us Mashaeed (chaperone) had hit me hard - this was part of the briefing session just before we were to begin the final leg of our trip, to be performing the Hajj; being called a Haji!

While in the first 4 weeks, we had an exhaustive schedule, these 6 days when we had to perform the Hajj rituals, were 2x of what we had done in the past.

In addition to performing my Hajj rituals, I was nominated by our Masool (Group Leader) to be one of the Mashaeed (chaperone) for our group of 45 people. What it entailed was to get everyone to be present for each ritual, ON TIME (especially the ones who would always be late and make the group wait). To ensure that all local transport arrangements are made for the group so when they come, we don't waste any time and just leave for our rituals. I was extremely patient as a person to ensure I don't flare up on some idiots in the group.

Here's an overview of what we did during those 7 days:

Day 1: Sunday @ 25-Jun: in the evening, we left for the Holy Kaaba to perform our prayers and take on the Hajj Ehraam (only 2 pieces of cloth). We came back to the hotel and slept. This Ehraam would be our bodies for the next 4 days - they would come off only while taking a quick body bath.

Day 2: we were at the hotel practically till evening and then we left for Mina which was ~4KMs from the hotel. A bus was arranged to take us to Mina where we were staying in a tent. We were 40 men in that tent and it had bunk bed arrangements for resting/sleeping. I had chosen the top rack for myself. We were a total of ~5000 Dawoodi Bohras in those tents and had ~60; washrooms spread across these tents. It was an experience to wait in queues for the basics - getting up at odd hours to avoid the rush. Oh man, the first night in Mina was a tough one as I couldn't sleep with these thoughts "what's going to happen!"

Day 3: we finished breakfast (a light one) early morning and left for Namera - our base camp from where we would walk to the Arafat mountain. We reached our camp by 10 or so in the morning and we were welcomed with no electricity. It was tough sitting on those tents for 4 hours in that heat. We finished our lunch by 12 or so, offered our afternoon prayers and then got ready to walk to the mountain. It's considered as THE PLACE to offer your prayers under the Sun that day and God listens! It was a ~3KM walk to the mountain and we took an hour or so to reach there.... We offered our prayers and came back to Namera camp by evening to complete the rest of the prayers until sunset under the skies! It was one of the most difficult days when we were in the open practically the entire day. We finished dinner and then late at night, we had to go to Muzdaliffah where we had to sleep for at least 10 minutes. Sleep where? "On the streets,!" We started in our bus and could only manage to cover 5 to 6 KMs in 3 hours. I finally nudged the Masool to get down and start walking. It took us an hour's walk to reach Muzdaliffah by 4:30AM, offering one prayer and sleeping there itself. We laid our mats, shut our eyes in that chaos and slept for 10 minutes on the road, under the skies with people walking over us!

Day 4: post sleeping (or trying to sleep) for 10 minutes, it was time to offer our morning prayers by 5AM. We finished that and got the group together to collect 70 stones each to be thrown at the devil in Mina. The stones had to be carefully chosen, counting to exactly 70 - not more, not less! It took us an hour and a half to finish this and then the mad rush to get the bus to take us back to Mina. It took us over an hour in the morning to just get into our bus! We came back to Mina and finished our lunch. Then we left to hit 7 stones on one of the devils. It was a 1.5KMs walk to this place and we were done before the evening prayers. On our way back, we had to shave our head and boy, finding a barber and getting him to shave 18 heads, it took us 3 hours and a 5KM walk to get that done. We finally finished our rituals by 9:30PM that day and then had dinner. The sleep that night was a must and I slept too, like a baby on that top tier!

Day 5: sleeping the previous night was such a bliss....woke up fresh early in the morning and finished the routines. This day too was going to be a long day. We had to walk 5 KMs to Manhar from Mina to finish our Zabihat (sacrificing a goat). We were done with this in a couple of hours in the morning and then I went to look for a bus for the group to go back to our hotel. After some negotiations, he agreed to come and we left for the hotel to freshen up and leave for the Holy Kaaba to finish our Hajj Tawaaf. It took us 3 hours to complete this process. This step was the last one for Hajj and I was now a HAJI! We could finally change our clothes now! In the evening, we left from the hotel and came back to Mina to go for throwing 21 stones at the devils. We must have walked 25 KMs on this day!

Day 6: we rested the first half and in the second half, around evening time, we again went to throw 21 stones at the devils. My feet on this day were stoned - didn't feel anything there!

Day 7: we woke up early and finished the final round of throwing 21 stones at the devils and immediately left for our hotel.

Aaah... Hajj is all about hardwork and completing each step was an accomplishment! Each one of us had a sense of relief once we were back at the hotel .... Happiness all around!

[mvnvgedmischief]

this is such an interesting perspective to me because i also come from a similar family dynamic to the black brothers and the perception is reality of it all is in my opinion one of the keys to understanding how and why this happened to them.

i grew up the family scapegoat and resented both of my sisters for never standing up for me (23 and still talking about it in therapy every week). My older sister bent over backwards to appease our mother, my younger sister disappeared into her room to avoid her. i spent my entire life standing there in the middle being blamed for things i did, things other people did, etc. even this past week, my older sister and i were talking and i realized the reality that she talks to our mother when she has a problem, and i haven’t called my mom with a problem since i was 15.

my mom actively campaigns against me to this day when i don’t agree with her. i don’t even tell her most of the time that i don’t. but she still goes on a rampage to our extended family as well as my sisters about how i have no respect, and that she raised terrible children.

emotionally i checked out at 16. i was high all the time, i was never home, i spent weeks sleeping at my ex’s house or my cousin’s house. i was with my friends, i slept in my car a couple nights, i would just show up at a friends and beg to stay. i dreamed of the days when i would get out permanently.

i left when i was 18. i couldn’t leave before then, no matter how hard i tried (and believe me i did). my parents had influence where i lived, the money and time to keep me from being able to get away. i got as far from my family as i feasibly could (i live 4.5 hours away now, because the two hours away last year was too close). i went away to college and didn’t come back. i didn’t ask either of my sisters to come with me. it never even crossed my mind that the further i went, the more they would miss me, until this year when my older sister got engaged.

it’s been 6 years since i was there, and eight since i started running away and for as much as i love both of my sisters, i resented the “love” i thought they received. but when love is conditional, and you have to compete for it, no one wins. i miss the close relationship i used to have with them, when they came to me with everything, not just their problems with my mother.

it feels like everything we had was taken from us by our parents, and i often feel like they chose my mom over me, when i never would.

i relate a lot to sirius because of all of it i think. i would drop everything for my sisters, but we also fight a lot, because they’ve been taught to believe that i’m self serving, dramatic, and manipulative. they think i’m a liar even though we all went through the same emotional abuse from our mom (my dad was around but not… think nyc investment banker he was always working). they understand me more than anyone else, but they also never will understand me.

when we talk about it, i recognize a lot of my own pain in both of them. we fight about things and the realities of what happened, and sometimes i worry that they think she’s right about me, and that i deserved it all. but even if my worst fears are true, and they do believe that, my life is so much more full with them in it. i get to be a part of these life changing decisions they’re making, and i get to see them grow. even if i have to talk to my therapist about how to be around them these days, because i don’t always remember how to talk to them, my life is so much better with them as a part of it.

tldr; as the sibling that left i totally agree with you. neither of the black brothers deserve to be villanized for the way they handled it all. going through the reconnection process with your siblings is really intense but well worth it.

Some Thoughts on the Black Brothers, Dysfunctional Family, and the Good Kind of Hurt.

TW: abusive households, sibling separation, childhood trauma

I’ve been seeing some discourse about the Regulus and Sirius situation (specifically Sirius leaving Grimmauld without Regulus) and as someone who has lived through a very similar situation, I wanted to (project and over share) explain some of the intricacies that I don’t see talked about a lot, particularly in regards to the effect that this kind of trauma had on me and my brother’s relationship. Hopefully this can serve as inspo for people who are writing the Black brothers if you haven’t lived this dynamic and/or don’t have siblings.

Background: I am the youngest sibling. I have a brother who is two years older than me. We were raised by our mother, in a household that was difficult and tumultuous. Our parents are separated and my dad lived far away.

My mother was raised in a very abusive household. I don’t say this to excuse her behavior, but for the sake of the conversation, I want to make note of this generational trauma. The Blacks are chock full of it. As a result of her trauma, she is volatile and quite emotionally reactive when she fears she is losing control. She has a very specific vision of the type of people her children should be, and if we defied her, and threatened what (in her mind) she had worked so hard to build, she lashed out. To my mother, she wasn’t as bad as her own parents, so we were weak if we couldn’t handle it. She viewed her behavior as normal.

Also, regardless of how difficult things were at home, it was VERY important that, to the outside world, everything looked perfect. Public perception was real to her, and whatever went on inside the house was just a means of keeping up that façade. Who we were wasn’t as important as how other people saw us. For anyone writing Walburga into their fics, this is helpful to keep in mind. Rather than just writing her as evil for the sake of being evil, understand this motivation, and you may find a bit more depth in your depiction of her.

But, like my mother, her vision of perfection was just that: a vision. It was unrealistic. It was unobtainable. Nothing would have ever been good enough.

My older brother was always the family scapegoat. Like Sirius, he is outgoing, charming, impulsive, witty, often unpredictable. He loves to have a laugh. He always speaks his mind. He doesn’t like to lose. As you can imagine, this put him at constant odds with my mother. If she was angry, he fought back. He questioned her, disagreed with her. Like Sirius, my brother knows who he is, and he wasn’t going to compromise that to live some life that didn’t even appeal to him.

I, on the other hand, didn’t talk back. Not when I was younger, at least. I was anxious, studious, a perfectionist in every hobby I took up. I didn’t know how to let myself have fun. I never felt like I had earned it. My mother was so loving when I had her approval, and so I chased it. I thought love needed to be earned. I had to be good enough. This is how I view Regulus, especially in their younger years.

As for the sibling dynamic as children… it always gives me a little chuckle when I read a fic where Sirius and Regulus are constantly soft with each other. Imagine them how you like, I don’t want to be condescending to anyone. But there’s no way those two didn’t fight like cats and dogs. Pun intended. My brother loves getting a reaction out of people for fun, and he knew how to press every button to make me mad. I look back on this fondly now, though. He’s my big brother, of course he thinks it’s funny to piss me off. asshole.

But when I was upset, he always knew just how to cheer me up. Not with some tearful heart-to-heart, or a long loving hug, or any of that. More like, he’d force his way into my room, I’d tell him to get out, and we would have an interaction in which he pestered me until I cracked a smile, then he would be ridiculous until I was laughing again and was sufficiently pulled out of my own head. He made it bearable, all the pressure. I didn’t realize how much I needed him until he wasn’t there. But more on that later.

My brother and mother were constantly screaming at each other. But when I got yelled at, I got distant and quiet, and I just said whatever I thought I needed to say to get the hell out of there, so I could lock myself in my room where I felt safe. It scared me, the yelling. And I didn’t understand why my brother always yelled back. It’s not like he was going to change our mothers mind about anything. And it made me angry at him, because he was always looking for a fight, and I always ended up feeling stressed and scared. Our mothers mood would be so sour after they fought, and the floor would be eggshells. It was misplaced anger. But I was a child.

To my brother, this anger made it seem like I was siding with my mother. I was not. I just wanted the fighting to stop. I don’t think Regulus would have been on Walburga’s side either. He was clearly aware of her abusive tendencies. I don’t know anyone with an abusive parent who is like, actually on their side and not just appeasing them so that they can be left alone. But who knows, maybe you know someone like that. There’s a lot of people in this world.

I often see people say that Regulus should have defended Sirius to their parents. Maybe. But also, it wouldn’t have really made any difference, other than both of them getting in trouble. In my experience, my brother knew me, and he never would have expected that level of confrontation from me. I think Sirius would have been the same way. I think he would have preferred Regulus stayed out of it, because he would have felt guilty if Regulus got hurt fighting his fight.

After my mother and brother fought, I would do my best to put him back together. But I wasn’t as good at it as he was. He always knew just how to cheer me up. I always felt like I was falling short. I think that he was hesitant to let me take care of him. I think it made him feel guilty, like he was failing somehow.

He would cope in other ways. Blow off steam at a party, get drunk or high or both. I’d stay awake to make sure he didn’t get caught, didn’t wake up our mother and cause another fight. And he’d let me take care of him then. Simple steps. I gave what I could. It never felt like enough.

He left when he was 16, after a huge fight with our mother. She made me stand in the room, and they both tried to get me to back them up. I clammed up, torn in two. I paid the price for it later.

My brother went to live with my dad. He didn’t ask me to come with him. I don’t think Sirius would have asked Regulus either, though I see that depicted a lot. I think he would have just wanted to get the fuck out. Completely understandable. Plus, even if my brother had asked me, I wouldn’t have gone. What, I was just going to move in with my dad and get on with it all, knowing that my mom was somewhere angry with me, disapproving of me, disappointed in me? It would have eaten me alive. Honestly, him asking me to leave with him never even crossed my mind. And I wasn’t mad at him for that. Devastated, sure, but more so because he was gone. I felt hopeful for him. I wanted him to be happy.

This is where things get tricky, and where I see a lot of people villainize Sirius unfairly. My brother built a new life at a new school. He leaned heavily into the new safety and acceptance that he had found, which he so desperately needed. Just like Sirius when he moved in with the Potters and began considering them to be his real family, and James to be his brother. He was traumatized from his past and didn’t like to think about it, so he built up a wall against us so that he didn’t have to. He was a child, reacting to trauma.

My brother thought that I was against him, because I hadn’t vocalized my support when he asked me to. So I got cut off as well. It fucking sucked, and it pissed me off so much at the time, especially because I had also gotten into trouble with my mother when I didn’t back her up either. And then we were both just pissed at each other. Hurt, and scared, and angry, and stubborn.

All of those feelings felt so grown up at the time, so righteous and justified. It’s funny now, looking back, seeing how immature it all was. If we had just fucking talked to each other, we could have saved ourselves so much misery. We could have saved ourselves.

But I was not encouraged to talk to him. And I had my mothers undivided attention. My brother always commanded the attention of everyone in the room (so Sirius Black coded of him) and suddenly he was gone. It was all on me now. My mothers expectations had been raised unimaginably, to compensate for the loss. I think that this was her insecurity coming in to play. She needed to prove that she didn’t fail. And I needed to be perfect. I had never wanted her undivided attention, just her approval. I never got her approval in the end. Like I said, unattainable. And I eventually reached a breaking point. Not quite as dramatic as defying a dark wizard, stealing a horcrux, and being drowned by Inferi, though i’m sure it did feel like it at the time. I survived though. Bagsy- 1, Regulus- 0.

I talk to my brother now, and we’re healing. We have had a few drunken heart-to-hearts. We love each other. But there’s an ache there, when I think of that time we spent apart. A mistrust that we’re both trying to unlearn, I think. It sucks, because I want to blame the whole thing on our shitty experience, but we were still part of it. It’s still part of us.

I think that even if Regulus and Sirius had reconnected, it would be very touch-and-go. They would remind each other of a very difficult time in their lives, an environment that they are both products of, even if they denounce it. They need each other to get through it, because no one else could understand what they’ve been through. But they hurt each other because of it.

And there’s a grief there, for the relationship and the trust that you want, need, but which feels so out of reach. It feels like it got taken away from us, and (petulantly, I often think) it’s not fair. Sometimes we fight, and I’m scared that we’re too broken by it all to ever be good for each other. I’m scared that I’ll only ever remind him of things he’d rather forget. Then we make up, and I’m reminded: despite the pain we cause each other sometimes, my life is so much better with my brother in it. And I know he feels the same. We’re so young. We have so much time.

Regulus and Sirius didn’t get that time.

tl,dr; call your sibling. go to therapy.

[cowboycakes]

Do You Get My Letters

✥ Pairing: Levi x fem!Reader, somewhat Reiner x fem!Reader

✥ Themes: Fluff, angst, sadness, big ass plot twist

✥ Warnings: Female bodied reader (she/her pronouns,) Pregnancy and birth (nothing gory.) Mentions of death, violence, and threats. Manipulation.

✥ Synopsis: You are carrying Reiner's baby when he betrays Paradis. Levi decides to step in.

✥ Word Count: 2.2k

(there is a part two up to this fic, but i've decided i'm going to rewrite the ending at some point.)

Anon's Request: Hi! I saw your requests are open so here I want to give my little scenario a try! 🕳🤸🏽‍♀️ I thought abt this last night, I’m currently rewatching AOT after 6 yrs and yet to finish season 4, so sorry if I’m wrong abt timelines/the plot? My request is the reader was with child with Reiner, but b4 reader told him, he betrayed and exposed his mission. Levi stepped in to help reader. And btw, I just finished watching ep 3 of season 4, so maybe Eren telling reiner abt his child and he regrets leaving the reader? And reiner jealous at the fact Levi is most likely considered his child’s father at that point. I can’t come up with an ending, so I’ll leave it up to you if you do take in my request. If this isn’t your type of writing I totally understand!

Note: This story is canon divergent. It is set in season 4, but in a universe where Reiner is not revealed as a traitor/the armored titan until a few months before season 4 takes place, as the reader was having relations with him until then and did not know his secret. I’m sorry if that change bothers you, I just wanted to write this as sort of its own story. This story contains season 4 spoilers! It also has nothing to do with the canon ending of AOT.

---

Dear Reiner,

I hope this letter somehow gets to you, I don’t quite know where to start.

In a perfect world, I would be so happy to tell you this. You’d be ecstatic too, I think. And before you try to second guess me: I’m sure by now, don’t worry.

I’m pregnant.

I guess we weren’t careful enough before you left. I feel like an idiot. And lost. But I’m not hopeless. I know myself, I can make it work somehow. With or without you.

I’m still in shock about you. How could someone so close hide so much? You’re a talented spy I suppose, a great asset to Marley. You made me trust you with my entire life. You made me love every false thing about you. And this is the rude awakening I get in return.

I’ll raise our child to value honesty and kindness, all in spite of you.

Sincerely,

Reader

---

The paper was damp with tears after you lifted your pen for a final time. You wished you could just keep the whole thing a secret: go make a quiet life for yourself somewhere else. It wouldn’t be right. Not after all of the dishonesty that man had spewed to you over the past few years. You had to tell him.

The door to the office room you’d settled in to write the letter creaks open. It’s Levi. He looks at your puffy eyes somberly, sympathetic. He was the first person you had told about the entire situation. Not because you were close, just because you needed help.

You fold your letter and stick it into a sturdy envelope. Levi takes it in his hand.

“That piece of shit doesn’t deserve a thing from you. Not a letter. Certainly not tears,” Levi says, using a clean handkerchief to wipe a stray drop from your cheek, “but I am proud of you.”

You take the handkerchief from him, feeling more tears stream down your face.

“Proud? I’m a fucking idiot,” you say through your sobs.

“Don’t even try to pull that self pity shit with me. Things happen sometimes. And you’re strong enough to commit to getting through it,” he responds.

You stand up, pushing your chair out. You look at him as you dry your face off again.

“I’m alone. How the hell am I supposed to do this shit alone?”

“You are not alone,” Levi replies. You’re shocked when he pulls you into a hug. “I’m going to help.”

You had never seen this side of him before. You look at him as you pull away slowly, tears still welled in your eyes.

“Are you sure? That's a big burden, Levi. None of this has to involve you.”

“Not the biggest burden I’ve ever taken on,” he shrugs. “There’s a lot of death around here, Y/N. Everyone is going to be happy about the little bit of life you’re giving us.”

You chuckle. He’s cynical, but he’s right.

He licks the envelope as he walks toward the door.

“Want me to run you a hot bath or something? Is that the type of shit pregnant people need?” he asks.

You laugh, a little harder than normal. It felt so relieving to laugh.

“Sure, Captain,” you respond softly.

---

Dear Reader,

I received your letter before the battle in Marley. I actually got to hand it to Reiner myself. He knows everything now. He broke down in front of me after reading it, going on about how much he regrets everything. How he wishes he could change things and be there for you. He begged me to kill him right there.

The world will eventually not have suffering like what you are going through now.

Eren Jaeger

---

Your jaw had dropped reading it. He begged me to kill him.

You hand the letter Levi had just delivered back to him. He reads it with a furrowed brow.

“Do you think…” you begin, your voice shaky, “do you think I could send another letter?”

Levi purses his lips, “Possibly. I can ask Jaeger. But right now, you need to bring your blood pressure back down.”

You were over seven months along now. You had found out about your pregnancy late, after being in denial for four whole months. Hange insisted on checking you out after you’d thrown up every morning for a week.

Levi had since gone on a parenting book reading spree; he made you read several of them too. He knew just about everything you needed to do to make a healthy baby: what to eat, what not to eat, how to exercise, when to go to the doctor, etc. It was really sweet how much he cared. You knew it gave him hope, something to fight for, something to come home to.

You were terrified when he left for Marley. You kissed him for the first time when he returned. Just about everyone you knew had to fight. You wished you could be out there fighting with them like you were supposed to. Maybe you could have made a difference.

Levi takes your hand, squeezing it to bring you out of your thoughts.

“What can I do?” he asks.

“Get me a glass of wine,” you grumble.

“Absolutely not.”

---

Dear Reiner,

Reader does not know I’m sending this. So keep it that way, or I’ll kill your sorry ass. Or maybe not, you’d probably enjoy that. In that case I’ll get creative.

How does it feel? Being a fucking deadbeat? Is it everything you’d thought it’d be and more? Fucking her and leaving her with nothing, like she belongs in a whorehouse. Reminds me of what happened to my mother. Pieces of shit like you came in and sent her to her death, leaving her kid behind to starve.

I wasn’t about to let her suffer like my mother did. But you were. I’m glad your choices haunt you, Reiner. You fucking deserve it.

I’ll be there for the both of them from now on, doing everything you were never capable of. She’s due any day now, I’m sure she’ll try to write to you.

Levi

---

You feel your first contraction while napping on the couch with Levi. You were settled in between his legs, your back leaning up against his chest. He had his hands on your stomach; he loved to feel the baby kick and tell them some of the happier stories in his memories.

The two of you had grown so close over the past few months. You slept together every night now. You didn’t want to leave each other’s sides if you didn’t have to. Levi would cuddle and massage you any time your pregnant body was ailing you.

You had fantasized with him about life after the war. He wanted to be a husband, a father, to live peacefully in the countryside. And he wanted more than anything for you to join him.

The first contraction wasn’t painful enough for you to make much more than a grunting noise, but Levi woke up the second he felt your stomach contort a bit. He was on very high alert these days.

“Holy… shit…is that what I think it is?” Levi whispers, “Don’t answer. I’m getting Hange.”

He crawls out from behind you and sprints out of the room.

The pain worsens and becomes much more frequent while he’s out looking for Hange. You stand up eventually after getting the urge to walk around - and your water breaks. You start panicking, unsure of how dilated you were and how much time you had left before pushing. You really wished you’d done more than just skimmed through those birthing books right about now.

Levi and Hange eventually come sprinting back into the room with a wheelchair and cold rags to find you whimpering in pain on the couch, trying your best to control your breathing.

You’re rushed down the halls to the Scout’s infirmary, where Levi had made sure the perfect room was set up for you - and it had been that way for two months.

The next hour goes by in a blur. Hange knew the biology of how to deliver the baby, and Levi knew how to coach you. He helped you hold your legs back when you pushed, and helped you count out your breathing. Hange attended to everything that might have made Levi faint, like checking your dilation and making sure the baby was coming out at the right angle. You got lucky having these two by your side.

Through all of your efforts, you finally hear a cry. You look up to see Levi holding your tiny new baby as Hange wiped them clean. He was smiling, way bigger than you’d ever seen him smile before, with tears in his eyes.

“Here,” he says softly, handing her to you.

You cradle her on your bare skin. “She’s so perfect, Levi! Look how sweet she is!” you coo.

“What are you going to call her?” he asks, stroking your hair as you gleam down at your baby.

“I was thinking,” you smile, “Kuchel.”

Levi lets out small gasp. Tears start streaming down his face, his efforts to stifle them failing.

“Really? I think that’s,” he wipes his eyes, “a wonderful name.”

—-

Dear Reiner,

She’s finally here! Oh my god, she’s precious. Levi and Hange helped to deliver her. Labor went smoothly. Levi started to cry when he saw her for the first time. She really is just that perfect. We are calling her Kuchel, after Levi’s mother. He cried when I told him that, too (don’t tell him I’m sharing those crying details.) I've decided to give her Levi’s last name as well.

Levi set up the perfect nursery for us.

If you really did feel guilty for leaving - don’t be. I’m happy.

She has your eyes.

Sincerely,

Reader

—-

Dear Reiner,

Kuchel said her first word today. Of course it wasn’t mama, she’s such a daddy’s girl. She started crawling awhile ago, we are now working on standing up on our own. She has all of this blonde curly hair, too. She’s growing up so fast.

Reader

—-

Dear Reiner,

Levi proposed a few days ago. It was so perfect. We found a nice house with room for a farm that will be perfect for a family.

I can only wonder how you’re doing, now that the war is over.

Are you even alive?

Reader

—-

Dear Reiner,

I’m expecting again. Levi is beyond excited. I am too, of course. Kuchel started school this year. She is such a smart kid.

I still wonder about you. After all these years.

Reader

—-

Message after message, word after word. No response. You had decided he must be dead. The devastation after the war would argue that he was.

That is, until you found yourself rummaging through one of Levi’s desk drawers, looking for baby Isabel’s lost pacifier.

You felt the bottom of the drawer shift. A false bottom?

You pry at it until it comes open.

Letters.

Dozens of opened letters. With Marleyan postage stamps.

You pull out the first bundle you see. They’re all from you. Unopened. Unsent. You set them aside, your jaw quivering.

You pull out the second bundle and gasp.

—-

Dear Reader,

Eren showed me your letter. I am terribly sorry. Let me fix this, somehow. You can come to live with me in Marley. I will take care of you. Please.

I’m not just a traitor, a liar, a farce. Everything between us was real. I can explain everything. Just trust me.

Love,

Reiner

—

Dear Reader,

Do you get my letters?

I’ve only heard rumors about our new baby girl. I wish I could see her. Just once. For a second. Do you have a camera? I know they’re hard to come by in Paradis. I can send one.

I’d do anything to change this. You know I would.

Love,

Reiner

—-

To Levi,

You son of a bitch. I know exactly what you’re doing. You think this is protecting her, but it’s not. Just let her talk to me. She would listen, she would understand. You said yourself that she writes. You manipulative, sick bastard. That is MY child. She will never be yours. No matter what you brainwash her to believe, your dirty Ackerman blood does not run through her veins. She deserves to know. You are the farce, Levi.

Reiner

—-

There were dozens more. All opened. All from Reiner.

You sink down to the floor, tears spilling from your eyes.

You are the farce, Levi.

But, why? He was just protecting you, right?

The office door opens. You jump, shoving the letters back into the drawer.

“Mommy, why are you crying?” Kuchel asks.

You take a deep breath, staring down at the letters, thinking about everything that could have been.

“Are you happy here, Kuchel?”

“Yes!” she chirps, “Every day!”

“Then it’s nothing, baby. Mommy just got hurt. She’s better now.”

Your daughter giggles and skips out of the room, leaving you to hide away the rest of the letters.

༺♥��

I REALLY HOPE I understood your request, Anon! I actually had a lot of fun writing this. It isn't something I would normally think to write, but I'm so glad you shared this idea! Sorry for the sad ending, I love playing w people's emotions ;)

༺♥༻

[mycrofts-gunbrella]

Caring is the Greatest Advantage- Mycroft Holmes x Reader (Part Six)

AN- Two chapters in one night... hope you like them! Soft Holmes Brothers scene at the end because, especially after the Eurus situation, the boys truly do love and care for each other! Not proof read either of these yet so apologies if there are mistakes!

Word Count- 4405

The younger brother's eyes had flicked over you both only momentarily, the tiniest flick up of his lips at the side of his mouth that disappeared so quickly it could have been misinterpreted for a twitch.

"Ever the delight, Sherlock." Mycroft spoke, standing straighter, his chin poking up a little higher. Sherlock glanced over his posture and rolled his eyes.

"Oh for God's sake don't start that Mycroft. Had I blamed you for everything I can assure you I wouldn't have bothered opening the door, don't make it so obvious that you care about my opinion of you- it's embarrassing for both of us." And with that he spun around and headed up the stairs to 221B, leaving the door to the flat wide open and disappearing into the bathroom.

"Well that was.."

"Easy? I told you that you shouldn't worry." You nudged Mycroft into the building before ascending the stairs.

"Sherlock Holmes, possibly the only man in the world to forgive somebody for nearly killing him in a heartbeat, but held a 6 month grudge when I took the last custard cream from the biscuit jar when I was 12.." Mycroft muttered, making his way into the flat and sitting beside you on the two seater sofa. John walked into the room from the kitchen shortly after, a tray of tea and biscuits in hand as he said his hellos.

"Figured I'd stick the kettle on when you said you were on your way.. Greg shouldn't be long now." He gave a smile, taking his place in his own armchair. "How have.." He glanced at Mycroft. "How have you been? He won't admit it, but Sherlock's been worried about you." Mycroft took a breath, sending a polite smile in the direction of the army doctor.

"Doctor Watson, I can assure you that I am fine and have been perfectly well looked after." His eyes flickered to you for a moment and then back to the doctor. "I presume the pair of you have held up well as I haven't heard any reports of gunfire towards the wall for a fair bit of time." John grinned, casting his eyes over to the smiley face on the wall that had thankfully been left alone.

"Good. Yeah, uh, things here have been.. good.. too." A blank stare matched with a more thoughtful raise of lips. ".. Very good, actually.."

"Catch." Sherlock came stalking into the room, a damp flannel thrown in Mycroft's general direction which he caught expertly, not allowing a single moist patch to appear on his clothing.

"And this is.."

"A flannel? Christ Mycroft has trauma affected your brain cells that much?" Sherlock quipped, flopping down into his armchair and lazily holding his hand out for his tea that was a mere few inches away from his fingers. John placed the mug in his hand without thought or argument, his fingers brushing over Sherlock's slightly before moving away. A biscuit soon followed, John holding out the digestive while Sherlock partly opened his lips, and shoving the food between them. It was your turn to raise your brow now, but you didn't say anything, instead just nudging Mycroft with your knee to make sure he had seen it too. Of course he had. "It's for your face, Y/N's lip balm is all round your mouth and it's making me feel a bit sick." John's eyes widened as he looked between the pair of you. You shrugged your shoulders and smiled, Mycroft simply sweeping away the slightly pink balm from underneath his lip and folding the wet cloth back up to place on the side. At least he hadn't picked up that you did it on purpose. Before anybody else could speak, the sound of someone bounding up the stairs filled the flat.

"Sorry I'm late, Ms Hudson let me in an- what did I miss?" Greg stood breathless at the door, satchel slung over his shoulder and a carrier bag in his other hand, staring at the apparent awkward glances shared between half the room. You stood from the sofa and headed over towards him, swiftly wrapping your arms around him and placing a small kiss on his cheek to say hello. He made his way into the room and perched on the arm of the sofa closest to Mycroft, casting another look at everybody when his question still hadn't been answered.

"Nothing of importance. Mycroft and Y/N have obviously decided to stop moping around each other like lovesick teenagers and finally admitted they've been infatuated with each other for years.. Now you're all caught up, can we get these papers sorted out so I can be more productive with my time?" Sherlock huffed.

"Nothing of importance? Don't be an arse Sherlock, that's excellent news." Greg clapped Mycroft on his shoulder and shot you a toothy grin. "Declaration in the park was it? Might be a good enough reason for me to not punch you for closing off St James'.." John's eyes widened more, if it were possible.

"You just.. closed off St James'? Can you even do-" The look Mycroft shot John made him cut his sentence short. "Right, yeah. British Government." He nodded, standing to go fetch Greg a coffee (yourself and Mycroft still held a shared judgement against Greg and his hatred for tea) and continuing to ask questions about your newly confirmed relationship. Mycroft sat awkwardly through the encounter- briefly talking about his emotions in front of you was one thing, a whole flat full of people was entirely different- so you gave his knee a quick squeeze and answered for him. "Who bit the bullet then?" John sat down. "Christ I know I mistook the pair of you being together when I met you, so surely these two have been waiting longer for you to get on with it." Greg grinned, nodding in agreement at John's assumption. Sherlock, on the other hand, stay lying on his chair completely unphased by the conversation going on around him.

"To cut a long story short, we were watching telly, I said Stephen Fry was a bit sexy, Mycroft informed me that he used to get told he had a slight resemblance to him, I realised I'd stuck my foot in it and had a ramble.. Went from there. Nothing too exciting, sorry." You left out the parts where the night before you had handled a broken Mycroft to the shower, how he had gripped onto you, how you held him as you slept. You also left out the way he had allowed himself to cry, how you held him while he wept- and, for that, Mycroft was incredibly thankful. Sherlock probably knew though, somehow, in his Sherlock way of knowing things- but he was either too kind to announce it to the room, or didn't care enough to waste his breath.. probably the latter.

"That's disappointing. You've mentioned about fancying Stephen Fry for years, this could have happened ages ago." John teased.

"Nothing compared to Hugh Laurie though. I'm pretty certain that I'm straight but I'd let him-"

"The papers!!" Sherlock's shout cut Greg's ramble off, making the silver haired man jump and grab his satchel, handing out the reports in a way that reminded you of a teacher with test papers.

"Right, yeah. Sorry. Basically the proper forms aren't ready for another week or so so these are just a few basic questions- nothing too in depth yet since I wanted to give you guys time to... yeah just basic for now." Mycroft chose to read through all the questions before answering them, whereas Sherlock  hastily scribbled his response to each question as he went along- the smaller details in the Holmes brothers' differences are always interesting to stumble upon. As he held the page in his hands, you carefully leant over to have a glance at the questions, your hand resting lightly on his shoulder and your cheek resting just against your fingers- blissfully unaware at the 2 sets of eyes openly staring at your movements, and the one set that watched from the side. Greg was right, in a way, the questions definitely weren't as overbearing as they could be- but that doesn't mean it was an easy task. The questions targeted Mycroft a lot more than it did John and Sherlock, asking things about scenarios and situations that had occured before they were taken, how long it had been since they had any contact with Eurus prior to that evening/ what they discussed, and a few basic questions about any incentives Eurus may have had, and anything that aided her into her plan. Of course the papers weren't labelled with the sister's name, they were generically printed and typically handed out to anybody involved in any kind of criminal behaviours, but that didn't make it seem any less like these were questions that targeted Mycroft in particular. Mycroft took a deep breath and laid the papers back onto the coffee table in front of him, pulling a pen out of his pocket and beginning to write. In this moment you had noticed the small bounce of his left leg, a movement only ever shown by him in times where he had a particularly stressful day at work, or a troubling encounter with his brother- it was a movement that let you know his brain was running a mile a minute and he felt a little more overwhelmed that usual. Without making a point of it, you move your right hand to rest on his mid thigh, allowing your thumb to rub small shapes into his leg to show your support.

Turning your gaze to the rest of the room, you noticed Greg's eyes on you, a grin on his face that practically stretched to his ears. You rolled your eyes at him, using your other hand to flip him off and smiled.

It had taken just under two hours in total for the boys to finish completely (well, an hour and twenty minutes for the Holmes siblings, an extra forty minutes for John whose brain simply didn't work as fast as theirs to convey the information on the paper). The time had passed fairly quickly, with yourself and Greg not wanting to disturb the silence and instead just drinking your hot drinks and stealing a couple of biscuits from the tray. You gave Mycroft's leg one last squeeze before sitting back against the sofa, stretching a little after finally getting out of that position.

"Thanks again for getting this done today." Greg spoke, taking the papers in and putting them in a plastic folder. "I'd better be off anyway, get these filed in." He stood, heading for the front door and tripping over the carrier bag he had brought in with him earlier. "Shit, yeah I almost forgot." He picked up the bag and handed it to you. "Got your coat, and I may have accidentally read your mind if you had been talking about Stephen and Hugh.." You dug through the bag and grinned as you pulled out the box at the bottom.

"You, Gregory Lestrade, are a bloody legend. God I could kiss you!" Your boxset of 'A Bit of Fry and Laurie' rested in your hands and you showed it to Mycroft, beaming at him. His lips raised at your reaction, showing a small glint in his eye, as you explained how now the pair of you would have to binge watch it since Mycroft had never got round to watching them before. Greg barked out a laugh.

"I wouldn't. I don't fancy being hunted by Mycroft's secret services." Mycroft let out a small laugh himself. And with that, Greg was gone and left the flat to the four of you once more.

***

You hadn't stayed at the flat long before you all made your way to Angelo's restaurant, even managing to convince Mycroft to just take a cab rather than bothering his chauffeur for a 5 minute journey.

"Ahhh Mr Holmes, Doctor Watson!" Angelo greeted, pulling the aforementioned men into an awkward half embrace, half headlock. "Back again so soon? I shall get your usual table set up, grab some candles. Anything for you!" The pair of men awkwardly shifted out of the hold and Sherlock offered a smile.

"Not today Angelo, we need a table for four if that suits your capacities here?" Sherlock peered round at the tables inside.

"Of course, a double date, very lovely to see! Come, come!" He led the four of you inside, you grinning at Mycroft at Angelo's casual mentionings of Sherlock and John's usual 'romantic' set up. You were all ushered inside of a small booth and handed menus, the benches were small but tolerable, your thigh just brushing against Mycroft's, him offering a shy smile at the close contact. "You stay here, I'll get to work on those candles. Just for you, Mr Holmes." Angelo spoke again, clapping Sherlock on his shoulder and disappearing into the back of the restaurant.

"He's.. uh.. a bit enthusiastic sometimes." John spoke, his cheeks burning a little at the memories of previous encounters here.

"Quite. Seems a pleasurable fellow." Came Mycroft's response, glancing over the menu. It had taken no time at all for the restaurant owner to appear back with a handful of small tealight candles in glass jars, and a single flower resting in a vase to lay on the table, taking everybody's orders and leaving once again. Then as the food turned up, Sherlock began to prod at the chips on his plate with his knife.

"What are you doing? Eat your bloody food, Sherlock." John quipped, elbowing the man to his side.

"Don't want it.. whoever decided that dessert was only customary after a meal? I'd much rather wait." John gave Sherlock a look and he spoke again. "Don't give me that look, this was your idea. Who even suggests 'late lunch' as a valid meal time? It's impractical. I didn't eat breakfast because we didn't get out of bed until well past the respected breakfast hour.." 'We'.. you didn't press. "So I had a sandwich at lunch which has ruined my appetite for this. Then I'll be hungry again later, but later than dinner time because of how late this lunch is." Sherlock childishly squashed his chip with his thumb. "It's just ridiculous.. they keep adding new names for new meals at new hours, I feel like we're becoming Bobbits."

"Hobbits, brother mine." Mycroft corrected, the faintest smile playing at the side of his mouth as Sherlock's words sounded alarmingly like the ones he had told you only this morning- it was nice when they just got along.

"That's what I said."

"No, you said Bobbits."

"Boys!" John warned, and you broke out into a small fit of giggles.

"We really can't take you anywhere, can we?" You chimed in. Sherlock just huffed, stabbing a chip and eating it as John gave him a stern look. It was quite sweet, actually, watching them be all domestic. By the time you'd finished your meals, yours and John's plates were clear, Sherlock's leaving only a few chips and a mouthful of burger as he found, after starting to eat the food, that he really enjoyed it and wanted more. Mycroft, on the other hand, had managed to leave little over half of his spaghetti bolognese, making comments about the pasta being far too rubbery, or the sauce being too thin, crossing the cutlery over in the centre and making a dismissive comment about making something to eat when he got home- you all knew he wouldn't.

Sherlock had practically jumped for joy when Angelo came out with a tray of chocolate fudge cake, offering slices around the table which you all, bar Mycroft, accepted happily.

"I shan't spoil my appetite for when I get home." Was his small excuse, raising a hand to prevent Angelo from spouting his claims that he had the best cake in London and that he must have a piece, and instead asking for a coffee. Without words being spoken, John cast his eyes over to you and you offered a small sad smile. Nobody had told John of Mycroft's past, but he was a doctor and always knew when signs were displayed. You had taken an extra fork from Angelo just in case and took a small bite with your own fork, unable to let out the (embarrassingly erotic) moan that had escaped you.

"Christ he wasn't lying, this is incredible." You praised, taking another small piece on the second fork. "Mycroft please give it a try." You offered your hand out towards him, the sliver of cake resting on the tip of the fork's prongs. He looked over at it, his mind telling him to give it a go, at the very least because it had been offered by you, but the image of himself in the mirror this morning came back to mind. He declined the offer and you sighed. Mycroft truly did love cake, and any sweet things, so it was heartbreaking for you to see him turning it away because of the thoughts that ran through his brain. Sherlock had already cleared his plate by this point and stood up abruptly, hoisting his coat back over his shoulders.

"I'm going to go out for a cigarette, care to join me Mycroft?" He had asked, walking past the table. Mycroft creased his eyebrows into a frown.

"Sherlock, the pact? I haven't smoked for three years."

"Neither have I, let's go." Sherlock spoke back quickly, hoisting his brother from the booth and taking the pair of them outside. You raised a brow at John who simply shrugged his shoulders.

"I stopped questioning the pair of them and their motives a long time ago." He reasoned, the pair of you turning your heads to see the two Holmes boys outside resting against the restaurant's window.

"I try my best to.. they just still fascinate me." You spoke back, your eyes lingering on Mycroft a little longer before turning back to the table.

"So.. you and Mycroft. Going well?" John asked, his mouth raising in that side smile he often displayed when he was teasing somebody. "I can count on one hand the amount of times I've seen Mycroft Holmes smile in a non-threatening way, and over half of those were from since you walked into the flat earlier. I think I can only just about count on two hands times where he's pulled an expression that isn't stoic and emotionless."

"Yeah.. I didn't expect it to happen, if I'm completely honest with you. We've spent so many years just avoiding the subject, but after.. Eurus.. I don't know. It flicked something in Myc that made him regret not doing something about it sooner." John nodded, understanding where you were coming from. "You also don't give him enough credit. Everybody just assumes he's this 'iceman' persona, but it's all a front.. I've watched him laugh so hard that tears fall from his eyes, he's one of those people who throws their heads back and lets out an absolute belter of an infectious laugh. I've seen him get angry at the telly if I came over and some stupid reality show came on the telly.. He shouted at Kim Kardashian once on there for some reason or another. I've stayed up all night with him after he had gruelling days at work, him offering to do the same for me if I had a bad case and couldn't sleep. And then, very recently, I watched him cry." You continued on. "Mycroft Holmes is one of the most emotional, caring people I've ever known, he is just incredibly particular at who gets to see it. You're a doctor, John. You know how experiences in life can shape one's emotional stability, how it alters their mental health. Had you grown up without very many people being kind to you, you'd be scared to let somebody else in too." You finished.

"Sorry.. I didn't mean it to come out in a bad way.. I just meant.. It's nice. Seeing Mycroft acting like that, it's.. nice." He apologised. You waved it off. You knew John didn't mean any harm.

"Mycroft and I are old news anyway.. What about you and Sherlock? When did that surface?" You asked, beaming at the deep red John's face had become as he choked on a sip of his drink. "Oh come on, don't act like that. We've all been waiting for this one to happen since you moved in."

"I.. I don't know what you-" Glaring at him, he stopped himself. "Yeah fine, okay. When we got back to the flat that night we went into the front room and Sherlock lost it. I'd never seen him anything like it before, he just.. he just sobbed into a heap on the floor." He explained, the nervous tapping of his fingers against his glass trying to distract him from his eyes watering. "I didn't know what else to do, so I scooped him up and put him in his bed. He begged me to stay with him and I did. Then he apologised to me, for dragging me in all of that mess, for almost getting me killed and he just wouldn't stop apologising.. So I stole the stereotypical movie move and kissed him. Just kind of went from there. I think that night made us realise that beating around the bush all these years wasn't helping either of us, and the thought that we could have lost the other only a few hours beforehand woke us up." He coughed, his voice breaking slightly.

"God look at us.. All the people in the world and we've landed with the Holmes'" You grabbed John's hand from across the table and laughed. "Makes you feel quite special though, doesn't it? That, equally, there were all the people in the world and they chose us?" John grinned, giving your hand a squeeze.

"Could never tell them that though, their egos would go through the bloody roof."

***

"They're talking about us." Sherlock mused, breathing in the London air.

"It seems people do little else." Mycroft returned, casting his glance to you smiling with John at the table.

"She really does like you. I've spent years deducing everything about her to make sure she wasn't a secret Russian spy sent with the motive to kill you." The younger spoke playfully. "You could have eaten the cake."

"Hmm?"

"The cake. I know you wanted it, but you're going back to how you used to be. Now that you're together, you're nervous." Sherlock's voice was nonchalant, simple observations, which didn't ease his older brother at all. "It's pointless. She's entirely infatuated. I thought the childish doe eyes disappeared after being attracted to somebody for a few weeks, but she still looks at you like I look at a triple homicide."

"Resulting to similes now?"

"You need to stop that too. Dismissing it whenever somebody is trying to be... kind... to you. That's just annoying and not a good defence mechanism for insecurities, like a mask made of clingfilm, it's too obvious." Mycroft didn't speak in turn and Sherlock huffed. "She worries for you, she seeks for you to be comfortable in trialling situations, her eyes do that little light up thing every time you open your bloody mouth. Since standing here she's looked over 3 times and smiled to herself seeing you stand here with me without us arguing. I caught her 4 times on the way to the cab from the flat looking at your arse and your legs in that damned suit. You don't have to worry about anything with her- the way she looks at you is so lovesick it makes me queasy."

"And you know this how, Sherlock? Or is this another one of your cruel schemes to embarrass me?"

"Because, Mycroft, it's the same way you've looked at her for as long as I can remember you knowing her. Jesus, Mycroft, I haven't seen you smile this much since we were children.. before we did everything that led us to believe we were any better than anybody else, that we deserved more than sentiment. And it's the same way I.. the same way I look at him." Sherlock's eyes now locked onto John.

"Always did say there would be a happy announcement between the pair of you. Good to see I'm correct once again." Mycroft mused. He remained stoic, but his brother's words were whirring in his brain, leaving him in a state of shock at the curly haired man even displaying this form of kindness towards him.

"You told me once that caring isn't an advantage. But these last few days, no matter how short it has been, have already led me to believe that caring is perhaps the greatest advantage of them all. And I strongly believe you feel the same way, no matter what bull you make up to argue against it." The pair of them watched through the window once more, the image of you and John laughing at whatever joke had been shared between you. "We both have wasted many years fighting against this, and I don't want you to screw yours up. Y/N will remain by your side and feel the same way towards you, whether you wear a bin bag, lose your job, put on weight- she's in it for the long haul. She's spent so many years pining after you that she deserves the best from you and to be happy. And you, brother mine, have been through enough with not good people; you deserve the happiness too." Sherlock trailed the last sentence. It's incredibly rare for them to show it, but Sherlock and Mycroft would always have a particularly close bond, they've been through too much together not to- and so times like this were precious to them. Mycroft simply let out a small cough, reaching his arm over to rest on his younger brother's shoulder to give it a quick squeeze, before patting it twice and letting his arm rest back by his side.

"Sentiment appears to be dwelling well on you." Mycroft spoke, heading back to the door of the restaurant to head inside, holding it open for his brother.

"As it is on you, brother. As it is on you."

[darthwheezely]

grande - g.w.

Summary: George meets a mighty adorable barista in the new cafe on Diagon Alley and the man just can’t help himself... based off the song Coffee Girl by Johnny Socko! Sorry this took me absolute ages (9 days oops) to get out, guys :/

Warnings: DIABETIC FLUFF STUPID AMOUNTS OF CARDIAC ARREST INDUCING FLUFF UWU,mentions of sexism, Fred being Fred, cussing probably, alludes to sex, PG/PG-13

taglist or people that might like this but idk: @theweasleyslut @kitwalker02 @loony-loopy-lupinn @wand3ringr0s3 @gcdric @thehufflepuffwife @monoscandal @lupinsclassroom @whiz-bangs78 @vogueweasley @rogueweasleys @band--psycho @lumosandnoxwriting @oh-for-merlins-sake @amxrtentias @virgohufflepuff @vivianweasley

George Weasley didn’t sleep. This had long been the habit of his ever since he and his parents had discovered that his elder twin Fred had been an avid sleepwalker by age 4, then became a (minor) party animal in his Hogwarts days, and finally when he became the co-owner of one of the Wizard World’s most successful entrepreneurs and business owners.

The man hadn’t slept in about 18 years give or take. And days like this reminded him of it constantly.

It was a Saturday, the first of the month, and to boot, it was about to be Christmas in a little over a week. Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes was packed with everyone from couples window shopping, children in desperate need of fun now that school was out, parents trying to keep them in line, and even some old lady named Ethel (who swore she was part Veela, and therefore Fred couldn’t “escape her girlish charm.”)

“Ethel, you have an absolutely ravishing day, and don’t even worry about that moisturizer it’d be a waste of product on a natural beauty like you” Fred winked and kissed the old lady’s hand, George watching from the top of the steps rolling his eyes.

“Oh, Freddie, you know how to keep a lady young, don’t you? Oh - goodbye, Georgie! Have a good rest of your day boys!” She waved majestically to the younger twin on the stairs and he bowed royally in response.

“Bye, Ethel!” They both called as she exited the building, the bells flurrying in her wake.

“Georgie, mate, hate to say it but you are being uncharacteristically quiet and it’s making me uncharacteristically uncomfortable.” Fred said bounding up the stairs to meet him, chuckling briefly.

“Freddie, mate, hate to say it but I’ve had absolutely no sleep as of late and it’s getting to me. But I’ll be back up to my usual antics in no time.” He padded down the stairs, winking at a couple young ladies ogling him, sending them into a fit of giggles. Fred sat down on the middle step eyeing his brother carefully. It didn’t take a genius to see George wasn’t holding on much longer, the dark circles littering his eyes and the way he mussed up his already purposely messy hair just...didn’t comfort his older twin at all.

“George.” Fred sighed, George looking back at him, confused. He took his hands away from the merchandise Wonder Witch he’d been rearranging and gave him full attention.

“Take your lunch break early. And longer if possible.”

“Pffft, why would I do that when I have women to woo and boxes to juggle?”

“George.”

“Fred.”

“Stop, I mean it. You look half dead as it is, just go take a nap or get an espresso from the cafe down the aisle or something that reinforces the idea that yes, you are a human being and no, not a zombie.” Fred crossed his arms feeling suddenly a lot like Molly and dropped the cross. George pretended to ponder this tapping his chin, rather finding the mature brother role reversal funny as hell.

“Oh, alright, but can I still be a zombie when I get back?”

Fred hit him with a folder and sent him on his way.

-•-•-

You had just finished the lunch rush, finally being able to calm down and not have to worry about making one more goddamn Butterbeer Latte for at least another 20 or so minutes...until there’d be another rush. You grabbed a lemon scone, took off your apron and sat against the back counter. You inhaled the citrus scent, it was always something that you loved to savor, and took a bite.

The holidays for the Merlin’s Mochas, the cafe, had been absolutely atrocious so far. All you had for customers were angry businessmen, bratty kids and their upper class parents who let them run around the already small place being rude to everyone, your boss Lionel who had an affinity for calling every woman who worked there a “bitch” (...ok lionel) and to top it all off: you’d been pulling 9 hour days every day except sundays. Needless to say: you kind of super hated your job.

You had just finished your scone when you heard the door chime signal a customer, immediately wiping your hands on your jeans and restrapping your apron.

“Hi how can I-“ oh Jesus this is the hottest man I have ever seen. He was easily no older than 23, fiery red hair, a perfectly tailored striped terracotta suit, green tie, and the most gorgeous doe brown eyes you’d ever seen.

“How can you...?”

“Help you, ohmygod, I am so sorry I’m super-“

“Tired? Yeah me too...interesting how similar we are this early in the game hmm?” He winked at you and your knees felt too weak. No he was just a stupid hot customer that also was really hot and also? Was super hot. No worries, Y/N, just don’t die by 22 okay thanks.

“Very funny...wait are you-“ your finger led from him to the statue outside Wizard Wheezes, realizing a simple oh shit

“Yeah, that would be me. Or my twin Fred but we never really decided, that’s why he kind of looks like both of us mixed. Although we’re twins so we basically look the same anyway. I mean because were identical. Twins, yeah.” George, what the fuck is wrong with you, why are you sweating? She’s just a simply beautiful girl in a simply maddeningly purple coffee shop can you please breathe and not make yourself look stupid-

“Oh, wow! I’ve never met a twin before - not like twins are anomalies or anything it’s just so crazy. Science. Science is crazy” You closed your eyes and took a breath

“We should probably start over shouldn’t we?” You wrinkled your nose.

“That sounds much more redeeming than anything we both were about to say” George breathed out laughing softly, rubbing his hand through his hair.

“I’m George. Weasley. Like I said, I work at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, the shop over there, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen this place before...or you for that matter, I never forget a beautiful young woman.” He said smoothly, his heart steadily subsiding - something about you had the power to not only make him scared out of his mind, but also totally at ease.

You returned the smile, warmly, the blood rushing to your cheeks at his compliment and sticking your tongue to your teeth. “Well, George Weasley, of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes I’m Y/N Y/L/N. And yeah, we’re new around here,” you leaned further onto the counter, realizing, albeit a moment too late that your eye level was directly with his abs now, and although he was wearing a suit...you could definitely tell they were there.

“We erm, just opened three months ago. It’s honestly a bit of a time to work here.”

“Oh and why is that?”

“Well, nothing like a blatant sexist to run an entirely female employed establishment and weird stuffy rich people.” Your eyes widened suddenly, and you felt like you had said far too much far too soon. But he gasp-laughed - laugh that ended as soon as it began and burst into a smile...like you had shared a secret with him.

“What the hell is he doing here then? Got a boy’s club to run in a purple coffee shop?”

“I mean you never really know these days, George, imposters are among us at every moment” you purred and pushed off the counter, meaning it as a joke but George’s heart screamed when he heard your name. As you moved to the other edge of the counter, he followed you.

“What a resourceful and cruel young woman, I am starting to like you, Miss Y/L/N.” He clucked. “And do you think of me like you think of Mr. I-Hate-Women-That’s-Why-I-Hire-Them?” He got inches from your face, smelling the coffee beans and vanilla extract that riddled your skin.

“Hmm...Mr. Weasley, I’m not so sure.” You coyly stepped away from him and took long strides to the far end of the coffee bar by the wall. George immediately felt a pit of flirtatious butterflies and (arousal?) something more in his stomach, jaw dropped, he followed you again. He pressed his hands to the counter in front of you.

“Well, how can I convince you?” He asked rather quickly.

“Hmm...” you leaned forward like he did before and his breath hitched in his throat “...let’s get you a cuppa first.”

-•-

“Wait, okay let me get this straight-“

“Yes?”

“You have 6 other siblings.”

“Yes.”

“...because your mom wanted a girl?”

“That-that would in fact be true, yes.”

You thought for a moment.

“So you’re telling me after she made it through you two-“

“-she still wanted to have more of us, believe me, it races through my mind daily.” He nodded vehemently laughing with you. You two had taken to the empty cafe at a table nestled in the corner, him sitting in a chair across from you on a bench. You had both been cracking each other up with stories from your childhoods, like how you both had managed to never know of the other’s existence until now.

He’d discovered that you had transferred from Hogwarts to Beauxbatons early on in your fourth year. You, a Hufflepuff, loved the quiet and soft landscape of the French school. You both had absolutely no idea the other existed. How? The world may never know.

He was brash. You were careful.

He was already flying when you were just feeling comfortable learning how to walk.

But you sat there with him for the better amount of an hour and a half, laughing and interrupting each other with memories of the school years you had, some weird and strange, and especially during fourth year, hard for George to talk about.

Ginny, his baby sister, had almost died. And as he said to you in a candid and highly vulnerable state: he blamed himself for almost letting her go to this day.

“I...I really do believe it was my fault.”

“George, it couldn’t have been your fault. Hogwarts is a big freaking death trap - you and I both know that,” you had said with an exasperated laugh, eager to make him feel better in any facet.

“Yeah, but...I’m her big brother. Yes, she has five other older brothers but...we were supposed to protect her.” He swallowed and blinked back tears. “It was her first year, for Christ’s sake, and I paid about as much attention to her as a doorknob would.” He had rolled his jaw and taken a gulp of his gingerbread latte (you had said it was your favorite, and he was loathe to try anything else) and you had softly draped your hand on top of his.

“If she’s as kind and loving and funny as you, I’d love to meet her.” You quipped, a small smile growing on your face in effort to soothe. He had smiled back at you, turning your hand over in his and drawing his digits lazily over your palm.

“Funny, because I was thinking the same thing.”

-•-

He had told you to close your eyes, that much had been true.

See, his coffee had started to get cold. So, like if you give a mouse a cookie, he’ll have to have some milk-

If you give a George a latte he will have to not only have another one, but also feel the strenuous need to show off for you and take you to his place of work. Naturally. And it was so lucky that by the time he’d proposed you leave, he even helped you clean and lock up afterwards.

Truthfully, it almost scared you how much he had seemed to care.

“Alright, Y/N, darling, I’m going to release my hands on the count of three, yeah?”

“Perfect, Georgie” you giggled. You’d legitimately only knew him for so long, but you just...you trusted him. He grinned widely, his strong hands only applying a slight amount of pressure as not to hurt you.

“Alright, then. 1. 2-“ he took his hands off your eyes and watched you adjust not only to light, but to your surroundings as well.

“3.” He breathed out taking in the way you smiled like a teenager, face alight with pure inundating wonder. You squealed and started to run around the store.

“Look at these! Pygmy Puffs - ugh they’re so adorable look at this one! Oh, oh - ‘Fizzing Whizbees’ - these look absolutely wicked! And Per- ‘Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder’?” You picked up the glittery stone in your hand, and heard a smooth voice perk up behind you.

“A real money spinner, that one.” You turned around and there was a man that looked absolutely identical to George, although entirely different in the same way.

“Handy if you need to make a quick getaway,” you heard George on the other side of you. He smiled warmly down at you, nodding his head up to look at the twin across from him.

“Y/N, this is my-“

“-older, much more attractive and fiscally responsible brother.” He winked and you blushed almost immediately. “Fred. Weasley.”

“Y/N Y/L/N. Georgie has told me a lot about you and the shop - absolutely marvelous this place is, I cant believe you two created so much in such a short span of time. Brilliant it all is, really!” George had started to flush, rubbing his jaw to seemingly take the red away from his striking face. Fred, upon hearing the genuine warmth from your voice and the unmistakable use of “Georgie” had a small, but highly distinct aha moment:

“Well, we couldn’t have done it all on our own, one of our best friends helped us out a good lot. But thank you, really...it means so much when other people see how much we do and-” he looked directly at George.

“-acknowledge the things we love, right George?”

“Absolutely, Frederick.” Fred had given him the look that seemed to imply: “please, God, make a damn move.”

“Well, Y/N, I’m going to be off and woo some ladies, have a biscuit and do some paperwork” he smiled wide when you giggled, already enjoying your company.

“But I hope to see you again, very soon, yeah? Please stop by whenever you can, we’re alwYs just down the street.”

“Freddie, for your company, I’m not so sure, I’m still deciding.” You quipped. Fred laughed heartily at that and looked at George.

“Georgie, I like this one.” George looked at you and winked.

“Me, too Freddie, me too.” You leaned back on your heels as Fred padded back up the stairs to the flat, now completely alone with George. You threw your arms behind you back and forth and took a long stride to George.

“So...what are you those?” You nodded up to the array of pink bubbles in a clam shape in the corner. He hummed and reached to grab your hand.

“Love potions - c-can I show you?” He raised an eyebrow slightly, but he felt his whole body turn to mush when you accepted his hand and nodded slowly. As he walked with you, you memorized the feeling of his callouses and veins, the way your hand curled deliberately in his.

You wanted to make sure if it was the last time you felt something like that, you had that memory with you for a while.

“Essentially, if you give these to a person they will temporarily have feelings of love and attraction for you. Depending of course on the dosage you use and the weight of the person in question.” He explained. You watched the way his suit jacket pulled taut against his back muscles and instinctively wanted to honestly just take the whole thing off-

“Hmm...I don’t know about these, Georgie.” You hummed mischievously. Your heart was pounding in your chest.

He scoffed placing a dramatic hand over his heart. “Am i being questioned in my own establishment, Miss Y/L/N?”

You rolled your eyes and hit his arm, bowing slightly at him. “Well, do forgive my feminine insolence, Mr. Weasley, it’s not often I meet such bewitching mad scientists like you.” You watched his face grow blank for a moment at your compliment and immediately wanted to throw up.

“George, I’m really sorry, I know we just became friends-“

“Do you mean it?” He took a step towards you. You swallowed finding again his perfect milk chocolate eyes. You nodded.

“Hell yeah I did, you’re smart...and wicked hot” you both laughed at that. He took another step, the distance being unbearably harder to live in as his digits found a piece of hair and wound it behind your ear.

“Well, darling, the feeling is quite mutual.” He said quietly, taking in the whole of your face. He wanted to crash his lips onto every possible nook and crevice of your face, collide with you entirely.

“We’re going to have to do something about that, then, aren’t we?” You gently nudged his nose with yours and wrapped your arms around his neck, his strong and powerful arms pulling you to him gently. He wanted you to feel him not to break under his embrace. He leaned down and brushed his lips up to yours, feeling you whine and let out a minuscule sound.

“Got you making noises for me already and haven’t even kissed you yet, hmm?”

Your eyes fluttered close and one of your legs made it’s way in between his, snapping any chance at loose air between you two out of the way.

“Please, Weasley, pants a bit small for you?”

“Keep talking like that and they might, yeah.” You two laughed softly and with a final look to your lips he closed the last gap.

His mouth was perfect. His lips ghosted over yours one last time before wrapping every part of himself onto your frame, your lips entangled in each other like you’d never be able to taste him again.

But it was loving and slow and sweet. He tasted like gingerbread lattes and pastries and cinnamon and licking into his mouth you could feel the spice. He moaned lightly into your mouth, sending your knees buckling. He dipped you slightly, a hand traveling to your lower back to keep you steady, and his other hand coming up to nestle under the nape of your hair. Your hands caressed his face, his chest, needless to say? You wanted them everywhere. You wanted him everywhere.

The kiss broke and you and George were left breathless in each other’s hold, your foreheads pressed together as he kept you slightly dipped.

“Y/N, I’m feeling a bit tired” he quipped hoarsely, pressing a brief kiss to your lips and onto your neck. You hummed satisfactorily.

“Georgie, you’re gonna need another latte aren’t you?” You set multiple chaste kisses to his lips and cheeks, feeling him rumble with a small giggle. He caught your mouth with his and you moaned slightly.

“I’m gonna need a whole pot, to drink you in, love.”

[takemyopenheart]

Waiting (part 1 of 3)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey and f!MC (Luz Beltrán) | Category: angst | Rating: M | Warnings: implied s e x and depression | Word Count: 1.8k | Ao3 link | Part 2 | Part 3

summary: Ethan and Luz grapple with the decisions made that may alter the future of their relationship. Takes place between book 1 and 2.

The memory of her body in such intimate proximity still lingered. The smell of her hair, her soft caresses on his chest as they lay spent, the enticing way she curled up beneath his arms.

He curses himself for dredging up such thoughts again. But he can’t be rid of them no matter how hard he tries. They invade his mind. It’s like a bittersweet curse he can’t break. His grip tightens around the nearly empty glass of scotch and wishes the cold glass was replaced by the warmth of her soft hand. He takes another swig, letting the rich smokiness coat his throat.

With a sigh, he rests his head back against the armchair, keeping his eyes wide open to keep the image of those chocolate brown eyes he’s come to know so well—and love—at bay.

Love.

He groans again. As much as he likes controlling every aspect of his life, nothing could prepare him for the unexpected impact Luz would have on his life, much less opening up his heart and inevitably falling for her and letting all the walls he’d built up crumble.

He should’ve stayed away. The thought stings because he knows he doesn’t mean it. Any ounce of regret immediately washes away when he thinks of the happy moments they’ve shared, none of which he regrets. Never did he ever expect someone to affect him the way that she did. She was there during the most turbulent times in his life when he had no one.

Dolores was relying on his expertise, and she was taken away so unfairly, leaving a child behind. A child Luz refused to leave on his own. It took Ethan a while to understand that not only was she there for baby Ethan while he fought for his life, but she was also there for Ethan while he was struggling to fight for a life.

His biggest fear was losing the only other person he cared about. Watching his mentor Naveen struggle for his life affected him deeply. But he had to be there for his friend and got right into finding whatever it was that was causing his debilitating illness. He hardly slept. He hardly allowed himself to feel. Naveen needed him. He was his only salvation, until she appeared and refused to leave their side.

Overtime, her presence became his comfort and lifeline. As much as he tried closing his heart to her, she won it in the end. Had it not been for her...he can’t even bear the thought.

The quiet stillness which surrounds him does nothing to ease his flurried mind, it merely aids in providing the perfect atmosphere in which he can still hear her voice, her laugh, every whisper of her soothing voice.

His eyes shut, and he sucks in a deep breath, letting the cool air fill his lungs. His flight leaves in a few hours. He forces his eyes open when a thought seeps into his brain again—a cycle he’s found himself stuck in. He glances down at the coffee table where his phone lays, and two words echoe in an endless haunting loop—call her.

He knows he owes her that much, but his stubborn nature prevents him from reaching for it. His arms feel heavy, as if the weight of the turmoil he finds himself in weighs them down, preventing him from dialing the phone number he’s memorized from the moment he first dialed it. Her voice is just a phone call away, and his throat closes at the thought.

The last they spoke had been Friday, but the professional distance was there, due to the fact that he was back to being her attending. And soon, she would take her place on the diagnostics team, with Ethan being her direct supervisor. He stopped receiving her texts, unless they had to do with work. It seemed she, too, was doing everything in her power to move on. Though he knew it was the right thing, he couldn’t fill that piece that was back to being the missing part of his life.

There’s a sudden ping. Ethan’s head whips to the source of the sound and finally picks up his phone. Everything’s forgotten in that instant, and he hopes to see her name displayed on the screen. He adjusts his eyes to the brightness, only to read a notification that his ride has arrived.

He feels the urge to toss it against the wall, to let the frustration seeping into him out. He sighs deeply, and before he knows it, the glass in his hand is chucked across the room where it smashes into small fragments on the living room floor and around the packed luggage sitting beside the front door.

This is what must be done, for her own sake. He can’t hinder her professional development with whatever it is they have—had, as much as it pains him to take that step. Her career must come before anything.

The forbidden fruit is always the sweetest.

And he must go before he’s tempted again. He has to.

Two weeks later

His stubbled jaw scratches its way down her neck, lavishing her skin with open-mouthed kisses. She feels his rough hand make its way down her exposed skin, tickling her in the best way possible. He laughs softly in her ear when she begins guiding his hand toward the part that begs for his touch. It’s a laugh so deep and alluring, she wishes that sound to stretch on and on and on...

Her eyes flutter open as she jolts awake in her bed. Her heart thumps a quick rhythm as she looks at the empty cold space beside her, the only body warmth her own. She’s pulled out of the reverie, letting her heart feel that familiar ache its grown used to.

She checks the time on her phone—6:16 am. At least she got four hours of sleep this time, she thinks to herself. She can’t miss the next step of what’s become her daily morning routine. She looks at the screen for any sign of him, any message to let her know he’s okay and that he’s thinking of her. But the pang of hurt hits her again as she stares at the empty screen.

Of course he isn’t thinking of her. He’s moved on. She forces her feet to keep her going and prepare for another full day of distractions—anything to overpower the lingering sound and smell of him.

She keeps her curtains closed, she doesn’t feel like letting the sunshine in.

Her feet sluggishly carry her toward the kitchen to make herself a cup of black coffee. She isn’t surprised to find Elijah and Sienna already in the kitchen. They’ve been her support system these past few weeks. They’re still the only ones who know the truth about her and Ethan. It’s an alleviating sight to wake up from dreams about him and find them there to offer her company.

A lone empty mug sits on the countertop, and when they look over to see her approaching, Sienna fills it with the steamy caffeinated beverage. She throws them a smile and takes her seat on the kitchen stool as they prepare their breakfast.

"Have some pancakes, Luz. Or some eggs and toast," Elijah encourages her with a warm smile on his face, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes as he stares back at her desolate-filled expression.

"I’m okay. Thanks for the coffee, though," she simply says and takes the mug in her hands to take a sip. It burns her tongue, and she flinches.

"Careful, Luz, it’s still hot," Sienna warns her too late.

"I’m all right, don’t worry."

Sienna and Elijah share a concerned look. They can’t help but worry. The brightness and vivaciousness has dimmed in their best friend since he left. It was an entire week before they learned he left for the Amazon with the W.H.O. It was like Ethan to join in on fighting an epidemic, and she didn’t fault him for that. It was an incredibly brave thing to do.

She’d followed his wishes for them to resume their professional working relationship. No longer did he look at her the way he used to. Steadily, he began to revert back to being the closed-off man she first met. It pained her, but she had to respect this is what he wanted. But deep in her heart, she knew he still cared for her, which is why it hurt her that he’d decided to leave her wondering where he was. She left a message after the first few days she hadn’t heard from him, only for it to be left unanswered.

No one had any idea where he was until Naveen shared the news. By then it was too late to try to reach him, and she couldn’t help but think that was why he delayed in sharing his whereabouts. His phone was no longer in service. She had no way of hearing his voice.

Some part of her knew he was running away from her—from everything they left behind, and she felt selfish every time that thought crossed her mind. It was no longer about her. And that was a clear enough message.

She sips the last of the coffee and steps off the kitchen stool. "I’m going to go for a walk."

"Want some company?" Sienna asks with hope in her eyes.

Luz knows she can’t go on like this. She shouldn’t let her life revolve around one emotionally unavailable man, but she can’t help what her heart still feels for him. She’s going to have to accept the fact that she can’t have everything she wants. She’ll live with the memories they shared. And she hopes that’ll be enough.

Her breath hitches as she remembers the last kiss they shared. She shakes her head to be rid of the flashing thought and looks up to meet Sienna’s eyes. "You know what? Sure. I could use friends right now. But first, let’s eat breakfast."

She and Elijah brighten up at the response. "Good. Because boy, are we going to get up to some fun today! It’s a promise." Elijah grins and places a plate in front of her. His face becomes serious, and he gently pats Luz’s arm. "We’re here for you."

Luz musters a smile. "I know. Thanks, guys. It means a lot. I don’t know what I’d do without you."

"But don’t keep it all inside," Sienna interrupts. "When you’re ready to talk about it, we’re open ears."

"Yeah. What Sienna said."

Luz feels tears brimming in her eyes because for the first time in a long time, she doesn’t feel totally alone. She won’t be as long as her friends are there. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. It just may take some time to reach it. And that’s okay.

•

Note: For an added dose of angst, listen to Waiting by Alice Boman. Major Ethan leaving for the Amazon vibes.

•

@openheartfanfics

I haven’t been tagging anyone in these since they’re from my old blog, but if you still wish to be tagged in my reposts, let me know😊

[beelsbaby]

could you do the obey me undatables for the girl dad thing too please?😁

Of course! I hope you like it! I had a lot of fun writing it, I got carried away a lot WHOOPS but here ya go!

Undateables as girl dads

Solomon

* OKAY he wanted a son

* I don’t know he just gives me boy dad energy

* But you said no sir we having a girl

* I love that for you 😌

* But he didn’t get upset because he knew no matter what the gender was, his child would be powerful

* Insert "good for her" pic

* He reads books on how to be a dad

* How to be a dad for dummies LMAOO

* He makes sure to be fully prepared

* What a dork HA

* Her room probably has a lot of purples

* It’s very whimsical

* When she’s born, he instantly forgets about being the most powerful in the room

* All those pacts he’s made with demons mean nothing

* He is hopelessly devoted to her

* When she gets fussy, he just sprinkles a little magic and she’s giggling again

* She’s just so fascinated by it

* He loves carrying her around while doing mundane things

* He’d be reading a grimoire with her resting on his hip

* She said papa first and he was WEAK

* He did shed a tear or two but he’ll never tell

* He can put her down to sleep in record time

* He just makes up a story about magic and she’ll happily go to sleep

* She’s also very fascinated by his magical artifacts

* She’s constantly touching the ones he unsuccessfully tried to hide

* “Sweetheart, that’s papa’s, okay? That’s 380 years old... Let’s put that down, yeah?”

* Looks absolutely baffled when she’d take the artifact and BOLT

* “Y/N, why are you just standing there laughing, help me!”

* She is very sneaky and cheeky just like him

* She knows just to give her dad her cheeky little smile and he’s putty in her hands

* He’s so whipped

* But she’s also pretty sharp

* Solomon brags that she gets her intelligence from him

* Fool slept on the couch for that comment

* He has a ring with her initials on it

* She likes listening about sorcery

* “Papa papa! I want to have magic like you!”

* “One day, petal, one day”

* “Pinky pwomise?”

* He’d chuckle and intertwine his pinky with hers

* He spoke to soon because she started showing signs of sorcery at 6 years old

* He was so proud

* He taught her how to control it, how to maneuver it, and how to use it properly

* This definitely brought them closer together

* He’s just so happy to have her and she’s changed him to become a better person in just a few years, he loves her to infinity and beyond. He’ll protect her until his last breath 😭✋🏻

Simeon

* This angel was ELATED

* He thanked you endlessly like the true gentleman he is

* He didn’t care if it was a girl or a boy he was just happy to have a child with you

* When you tell him it’s a girl he immediately starts getting things ready for her

* Her room is so angelic

* The walls are painted like the sky

* It’s so beautiful

* The day she was born, he swears he finally understood what happily ever after meant

* He didn’t know if life could get any better, he was just so happy

* And she was GORGEOUS

* She looked exactly like him

* His beautiful skin tone, eyes, everything

* I’m crying at how pretty she is 😭

* He cried too, she was a literal angel

* He helped you out with everything

* He fed her, changed her, whatever you needed

* He sang her to sleep whenever she refused to sleep

* She’d stare at him with adoration

* He liked carrying her around, even if he was busy

* Multitasking king we love to see it

* Whenever he was caring her, she would grab his cheeks and babble at him

* His heart melted every single time

* Her first word was “up”

* She liked her dad picking her up and putting her on his shoulders

* So she asked him to pick her up

* He gladly did so with a huge smile

* She LOVES his wings

* She likes playing with Luke !!

* She also likes playing dress up with her dad

* She dresses up as a princess

* She has him dressing up like a knight

* He has to come save her from the dragon

* Luke is the dragon

* And He hates playing dress up lol

* She loves hearing all about angels

* And Simeon loves telling her about them

* When she’s five, she sprouts wings!

* She’s so happy

* “Look papa I’m just like you now!”

* He cries, she’s just so beautiful

* “Yes, angel, you’re like me!”

* He teaches her how to control and maneuver her wings

* She’s very clumsy at first, but he’s always there to catch her

* Simeon vows to always be there to catch her whenever she needed him, he loves her more than life itself 🥺❤️

Luke (aged up!!)

* This man passed tf out when you told him

* He was not ready for that bomb you just dropped

* But when he wakes up he asked you how you feel and if you know the gender

* When you both go to your appointment and you’re told it’s a girl, he starts freaking out

* What if he’s not a good dad?

* What if he can’t understand her?

* His mind is literally screaming WEE WOO WEE WOO

* But you assure him that he’s gonna do just fine and she’ll love him unconditionally

* He relaxes a bit

* Like 2%

* But he’s not hyperventilating anymore so you take it as a win

* He make sure her room is as comfortable as possible

* A lot of plushies and toys

* The room is such a vibe

* When she’s born, he passed out again

* Geez Luke get a grip

* You had two precious babies to look after

* But when he came to, he was in euphoria

* His baby girl was a beautiful mix of the both of you

* He was so smitten

* She’s very attached to him

* When she’s fussy he just picks her up and she settles down

* He carries around her diaper bag

* Mammon saw him once and now he never let’s him live it down

* Luke isn’t embarrassed, he’s just irritated because it’s Mammon

* Her first word was “daddy” and Luke felt his heart go BOOM 💥

* He picked her up and gave her a forehead kiss

* “Yes, little one, I’m daddy! Y/N she knows I’m her daddy she’s a genius!”

* You just smiled as he went on and on about how much of a genius y’all’s daughter was

* Proud dad™️

* He loves taking her to petting zoos, aquariums, etc

* Her eyes light up

* As she grows she gets more feisty lol

* Simeon loves comparing her feistiness to Luke’s

* But tbh it just makes Luke smug

* He loves that he has a headstrong daughter

* He knows she won’t take anyone’s crap

* When she was in the first grade, you guys got a call from the school one day

* She punched a classmate

* It was her first offense so the school just let her off of a warning

* But when Luke asked her why she did it, she said it’s because he was bullying her friend

* Prouder dad™️

* She makes him prouder every day and he’s so proud to call himself her dad, his entire heart is hers

Diavolo

* he’s been wanting to have a family with you for a long time

* So when you tell him you both are going to have a baby, he is so excited!

* He’s very doting the entire time

* When you told him it was a girl he’s was very happy and supportive

* It might have been ideal for him to have a boy but we know this man lives to break the status quo

* So he’s happy

* When she was born, Diavolo fell in love all over again

* She was just such a beautiful sight

* ALSO there was a two week celebration and the devildom

* Her room was EXPENSIVE

* He said really said no budget

* Gold things everywhere

* That’s his princess, he’d do anything for her even if it meant hurting his pockets

* Dang I need myself a Diavolo 🤪

* He carries her around in a baby carrier

* I LOVE TO SEE IT

* She said mama first but it was just with you so when she said dada you let him think it was her first word

* You don’t wanna break his heart lol

* His devilgram is basically now a stan account for his daughter

* If he really misses her, he will take her into meetings with him

* No one dares to argue with him

* She loves being on his shoulders, the view is superb

* First day of school he took her and the entire school went crazy

* She literally told him “ how far you have to leave everybody’s freaking out over you and I’m supposed to be the cool one here!”

* He laughed and kissed her goodbye

* She’s very sweet but pretty commanding

* Diavolo gushes on how she’s totally ready to be queen one day

* All name brands for his princess

* He definitely has had a portrait of her made. It’s probably in like the dining room or the main hallway

* She loves playing hide and seek

* Can you imagine big bad Diavolo running around trying to hide in a bush but he’s too tall lmaoo

* No one ever there is mess with her

* She’s only like five but she has the entire devildom standing behind her just like with her dad, I love how powerful they are. ADORABLE AND POWERFUL ??? Best daddy daughter duo in the devildom

Barbatos

* Poor baby is so nervous when you tell him

* But he want nothing more than to have a family with you

* He starts preparing everything for her arrival

* Baby proofing, preparing her room, anything he can do for her

* He make sure her room was adorable and fun

* It’s a pastel paradise

* When she’s born he’s holding your hand as you carry her

* You looked up to him and asked if he wanted to hold her

* He let out a barely audible “yes”

* When you handed her over to him, she opened her eyes and cooed up at him

* Rip Barbatos.exe stopped working

* #1 dad

* He changes diapers, he cleans up after her, takes care of her so you can get some rest

* What a gentleman 😪

* She said papa first

* He remembers the exact hour minute and second she said it LMAOO

* She’s very very shy

* But he’s helping work through her anxiety and walks her through her attacks

* Wow I’m crying 😭

* They love having little cute picnics together

* She LOVES his baking

* I mean who doesn’t

* She does very well in school

* Loves reading and history

* She really enjoys helping him out in his butler duties

* She even has a matching butler outfit that you got her

* The first time he saw her in it, bby boy couldn’t stop gushing about how cute they were

* They were the best butler duo

* N E WAY before I go on and on about them, he really loves her and you. He views her as the best thing that’s ever happened to him 🥰