#I shouldn't have let the obsession take root

[god-of-knk]

I want to rip my heart out sometimes.

[peppermintquartz]

The storm is keeping Buck awake, and he hates it. He's got the curtains fully drawn, he is safely indoors, and he's just had two rounds of very good sex with Tommy, who's currently asleep on his side of the bed, a thick arm thrown around Buck's waist.

But Buck can't sleep. Every roll of thunder makes him flinch. Even the flickers of light that sneak onto the apartment walls make his eyes twitch. He bets that if he measures his pulse, it'll be racing. And he can feel his bad leg beginning to ache from the tension he's trying to contain in his body.

He wills himself to just close his eyes, tough it out. Maybe do the slow breathing thing those zazen meditation videos talk about.

After about twenty slow breaths he gives up. Carefully easing himself out from under Tommy's arm, he goes to the kitchen and sits at the table.

He's seen the scars after the lightning strike, branching out like roots of a tree. Something about it had scared Buck to his core that first time he saw it. It was a visceral reminder of the sheer power that had coursed through him that night, and how much it took the others to bring him back.

"Evan?" Tommy's voice filters down from the top of the stairs, quiet and curious. *Are you okay?"

That's his boyfriend, always checking in on him. Buck doesn't know what he has done in this lifetime to deserve Tommy, and he knows Tommy has the same question about Buck as well. He turns in his chair and smiles up at Tommy, even though it's probably too dim to see his expression. "I'm okay. Mostly. Did I wake you?"

"Not really, no. I thought you were using the bathroom." Tommy comes down the stairs without turning on the lights, already used to the layout. He comes up behind Buck and wraps an arm across the front of his shoulders, before kissing the top of Buck's head. "Mostly okay means something's not okay. What's not okay?"

Buck exhales a chuckle. "I love you, you know that?"

"I love you too." Tommy pulls a chair close and drops into it. He takes Buck's hands between his own. "And you're not answering me."

"The storm. Lightning." Buck swallows and lowers his head. Not shame, not exactly, but a little abashed at having to admit to a weakness. As if Tommy hasn't already admitted his fear of enclosed spaces and diving. As if Tommy doesn't have a near-pathological obsession to check their smoke alarms and CO detectors.

Tommy tugs Buck out of his chair and onto his lap, with minimal resistance from Buck. Tommy's chair squeaks a mild complaint. "Wake me up next time," Tommy scolds gently, nipping Buck's earlobe. "I can't hold back a storm, but I can hold you."

"You need the sleep, you have a 48 starting in another six hours."

"And I only have one Evan Buckley," Tommy counters. His embrace tightens around Buck, and it's a wonder how Buck never feels caged in or trapped with Tommy's arms around him. "I'm with you rain and shine, good and bad."

"Shouldn't it be 'or'?"

"No," says Tommy, his voice rough from sleep. "In every situation, I'm with you."

Buck smiles and kisses the tip of Tommy's nose. "Back to bed," he whispers. "Be my big spoon tonight. Maybe that will help."

It does help, a little. Buck doesn't really fall fully asleep, but he feels safe when his body twitches in response to each roll of thunder. And through the night, Tommy doesn't let him go.

--

edit: now on AO3

[ellieluvr420]

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

Ways you can help Palestine

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TLOU (TLOU2 especially) is rooted in Zionism and Neil Druckmann is a Zionist. Please don't buy the games or watch the show unless pirating. Separate the characters from the content and its creators!

Please make sure that as well as spreading information and awareness online you are also doing it in real life! Never stop the conversation with the people around you because often its the people you know in real life (especially of older generations) that need the education. If you can go to protests, please do but be careful and take the necessary measures to protect yourself and others around you.

daily click

This account and the fics I write are an escape and a release for me but my account stands with palestine as it always will so any discourse (by discourse, I mean debate not communication as information-sharing is of course welcome) around the topic will not be tolerated because there shouldn't be any discourse, you either support genocide or you don't and anyone that does support the Israeli genocide of Palestinians or any for that matter is not welcome on my account. This is a safe space for my beautiful followers and any decent person is welcome but let's keep things kind please bby's.

𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐒

We Meet Again, Darling

SYNOPSIS: Abby Anderson is a skilled detective that's never let a criminal escape her grasp, until you. You've infiltrated every part of her life and she still can't get you. As she grows more and more intrigued by you she finds herself descending further into darkness until there's no way back. She takes your hand and follows you as if your presence is the only thing giving her life knowing that you are the most dangerous thing for her. Her life will never be hers again and she will stop at nothing to keep following you down your path of corruption.

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Epilogue

Friends? Never

SYNOPSIS: You and Ellie had been bitter enemies for years now but before that you were best friends. You had always planned to be roommates one day but when that becomes a reality the situation isn't exactly how you both imagined it.

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Eye for an Eye

SYNOPSIS: Your body yearned for the touch of your girlfriend, the warm embrace that calmed your mind but you couldn't give in, the anger you harboured for her at disappearing with her group for three months without any warning, explanation or even a mention of when she would be back stopped you in your tracks any time you got close to giving in. You loved Abby so much but looking at her made you sick, you couldn't push the feelings down no matter how much you craved for things to go back to what they once were. You hadn't planned this but the anguish in those green eyes mirrored yours and sucked you in before you could think twice about the repercussions of your actions. You made your bed when you made the deal with the auburn-haired stranger, eventually you'd have to lie in it.

Teaser

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𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒

Abby

Change They had her, the love of your life, they had her and they were going to die for it.

Guardian Angel A guardian angel getting wrapped up with the human she was supposed to be protecting, a double-edged sword bound to hurt. The memory of you, your calming presence in a time where everything was hanging in the balance haunted her. All she craved was to see you again. She was addicted, obsessed. She needed you in every way but you only appeared in her mind, you were never part of reality. You were her saviour, the blood running through her veins, all she wanted was you, that was all she would ever want.

Ellie

You're mine It was silent, neither of you moved or spoke, your eyes were fixed on each other, neither of you daring to look away. Your eyes were glassy and bloodshot and hers were cold and dark, your nose was sore and running as you sniffled holding the tears in your eyes that were begging to be let free. You didn't understand how a girl that shows you as much love as she does could hurt you so bad.

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒

Abby

Wife Abby

[samodivaa]

┊Knife Practice┊

Bucky Barnes x Reader Such a tease you are, poking his mind with a cold metal rod—he can't concentrate when you play dirty.

Warnings - knife kink, smut, oral (m), p in v, slight choking Words - 1400 ⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄ Getting involved—on a physical level, during training—was a colossal blunder—he tried to observe the patterns of his mistakes to see if they were products of some kind of weakness—it’s you, teasing him is his greatest weakness. There is raggedness of his breaths due to fighting you, due to the knife you are pressing at his crotch. Bucky is in a sitting position and his hands are planted firmly behind him trying to support his weight, trembling—as your legs dig into his thighs—you are greatly excited to toy with him, though you look resolute. “I shouldn't have expected less of you than to play dirty, should I?” Reluctantly you lift your eyes to his, pressing the dull side of the knife more.

“Damn it” his voice sounds as though he wants to moan, but is doing his utmost to control it. “What is wrong, darling?” you ask before laughing, seeing Bucky’s flushing crimson. There is no way he can reclaim his dominance now—not that he wants to. You lean in, but Bucky doesn't pull back, and you take that as a sign of acquiescence for licking his neck, pleasure zingers across his skin and he shamelessly turns his neck to give your mouth better access. The knife outlines his cock with light pressure, rubbing the fabric to the head and you smile against his skin in delight at the dampness starting to rise to the gray fabric. You pull back and slowly cut through his pants—the sound of ripping is sinful, a soft invitation to madness, generally a tipping point into insanity. “Fuck,” he moans, staring down “Enough” “If you don’t like it, why are you hard?” Your fingers ghost over the marks covering his neck, his eyes locked on yours wide and wild, nostrils flaring. He stares at you, completely stricken, all he can do is whine softly, defeated and utterly annihilated by your words. You touching him fills him with amazement, purely animal, you let your body act before your mind. 

You throw the knife to the side, hands freeing his rigid member, slick and sticky drips of pre-cum covering the tip. He doesn't look at you, instead choosing to focus on the knife for a moment, wishing that you use it more, but you pull him on shore of a new and better sanity when you put his member into your mouth, hands grip his thighs harshly, a moan escapes his chest. Cool, metal fingers brush your sweaty hair aside and tuck the strands behind your ear before carding fingers through your hair. You don’t stop; there is no delay when the length hits the back of your throat, your gag reflex non-existent. The taste of him leaves you burning as your lips glide along his cock faster, throat muscles clamping around the tip of his dick—he is powerfully conscious that you are not in any predicament. “God, yes” He hisses out, voice a crackling mess of plea and need, heat beginning to thrum beneath his skin as he feels himself getting closer, exerting a bit of force on your scalp with slight tugs on your hair. Dominance. Control. These things are the roots of Bucky’s character. And it is your duty to defy his dominance and to challenge his control. What a languid woman, a force of gravity by which you irresistibly attract his submission sometimes—fuel a new side to him. You are lovely, vaguely threatening—the obsession with knives is something that you carry from the dreadful past. He lets out another strangled noise, hips trying to jerk into your hold, but you keep them steady to the ground. “Please” he moans, low and drawn out, voice already wavering with frustration “I’m so close, snezinka” choking the words out. Curiosity is gluttony. To see is to devour. The pleasure stops and when Bucky opens his eyes, you are already looking at him at eye level, blue-less eyes—because they are full of lust—burning just as much as yours. Your gaze is so intense that he wants to look away—or never look away, he can’t decide. “Please?” you breathe after a few seconds of stunned silence. He suddenly cups your face in his hands—a kiss is a lovely trick designed to stop speech when words become unnecessary—the kiss starts softly then slowly builds in intensity, his mouth lingering on yours, teeth grazing your lower lip, making you shiver. His hands move from your cheeks to your shoulders and then down to trail across the expanse of your back before pulling back to look at you. Bucky’s eyes undress his unrevealable needs “Ride me” Your eyes narrow slightly as you process the words. Such divine orbs—not just one shade of color, but... many, with a hint of mischief glimmering. Then something unexpected happens. You suddenly get up, fumbling your way out of your pants and underwear. You shuffle up over him, knees spread around his thighs, and you slowly lower yourself to sit on him, shifting your hips back and forth until the firm length of his cock settles just so in the cleft of your pussy. You let out a needy whine, hands making a home out of the crook of his neck—holding your breath, savoring the sensation of every time you grind against his cock. “Oh, come on, fuck” he moves his hands to your hips, squishing slightly, urging you forward, guiding you up and down his length. As his breaths become labored, there is a in a crack in his persona— “Please, just-fuck me” His voice is a near-moan, and bearing witness to his desperation is all you want.

You gulp, voice breathier than you like as you whisper “Okay” folds flutter as you’re parted by his length, making the cutest mewls as you ease his cock into your cunt, slowly.

His arms encase themselves around your waist, pulling you downwards, burying himself to the hilt. You let out a pleasured cry as he sinks into you, his name slipping from your mouth so fondly, so tenderly that he has to stop your mouth with a kiss as you twine your arms around his shoulders.

You need to regain some control—that’s why you set an unrelenting pace.

And all Bucky can do is leer at your tits as they bounce with every thrust. He squirms with every uneven thrust, your breath growing erratic and his groans growing louder.

Eye contact. There is more in the eyes. More longing. The naughtiness emanates from your eyes—you look at him like you own him. He can feel he is nearing his climax but closes his eyes, trying to restrain himself.

„James“

His name comes on a long-winded breath. To his horror, his body responds in obvious pleasure, his entire body shuddering in spite of his mental denial—having the faintest clue how you do it, and he feels your month against the skin of his throat, licking, sucking, and kissing not holding back your throaty moans.

“Come with me, baby” you whisper softly against the shell of his ear, nibbling at the earlobe.

„I-I will-…soon…“ he groans the words out, only adding to the erotic undertone of his words.

Heat shots through his spine. His muscles clenching as you move up and down his length, your velvety walls sealing around his member, enveloping him perfectly in its embrace. You whine, lower lip quivering as he slowly wraps his hand around your neck, the cold touch makes your body shiver as warmth seeps into you, flooding your insides white.

The motion of his metal hand elicits a loud groan from you, and Bucky captures your lips in a searing kiss, pulling you by the grip on your neck. Your walls clench as your orgasm abruptly erupts and he continues to thrust through your orgasm as best as he can.

He leans in, chasing his lips across your collarbone as his hands gently stroke down your back, your arms.

To allow yourself to trust another person is no small risk, after everything that you've been through. Allowing yourself to be exposed, vulnerable—it is incredibly intimate to Bucky.

“I am taking your knife away for a week” he murmurs into the flesh above your breasts, warmly and good‐humoredly.

“But I have a whole collection” you snap irritably, but then you suddenly smile proudly.

[rottiens]

hi sorry for coming in your asks again lol but I'm thinking about endeavor..... like idk he's just always in the back of my head

anyway have you considered divorced detective endeavor??? like he's completely neglecting his family & responsibilities as a father, his ex-wife is shacking up with his younger (hotter) subordinate, basically drowning himself in alcohol and cigarettes. the one routine he's kept all these years is coming into your bar at the end of the week, getting a little too drunk, and letting the alcohol flirt with you (but you've always brushed it off knowing he's married). you've listened to him vent countless times and had to call a cab to take him home just as many.

you can clearly see the ways he's fucked up (it's pretty much always his fault) but you also see the regrets washing through his mind. he wants to be better, but he keeps slipping into the same habits.

he's been coming in a little more often lately, he hasn't mentioned the wife and kids in months, and he's not wearing a wedding ring anymore. He doesn't flirt with you as often as he used to, but not because he's not interested, because he is. because he's afraid of it going somewhere. because he's afraid he'll ruin your life like he has done to the rest of his family... and because he's convinced he doesn't deserve you.

i'm sorry i'm just so obsessed with a divorced detective au ok and i cannot believe this thought has not entered my head....

You really put me in a difficult situation here. Because I'm torn between the idea of, what would he really do? Would he walk away from you completely or would he continue to indulge a little more in the idea of flirting with you, knowing he shouldn't have you?

You miss him. You miss the Enji who would come to talk to you, babbling on about work problems without getting to anything specific because, of course, he can't discuss such topics with a civilian. But you are so full of life and hope, unlike him and everything he touches that he can't help but want to spend a little more time with you and Enji hates the bitter taste the hangover brings along with your image the next day.

After the divorce, he keeps wearing the ring for a few more long weeks, hoping that his failed marriage could be mended again. He knows he did it wrong, he knows he's been careless and a bastard, but he also knows he's selfish at heart and that the idea of having a happy family is so appealing.

Yet he lets it go. He lets go of his wife and his kids who are leaving with her, and you. He cuts off every shred of happiness in his life because he is tormented by the idea of being truly happy. Enji convinces himself that he doesn't deserve it. After all the bad decisions he has made throughout his life, he only deserves to sink into his misery, into the boxes full of items his wife never went to pick up from the house, into the loneliness of the cold walls, and into the ghosts his children's laughter left behind.

Enji refuses to go back to the bar, to see you. But he has no choice but to accept when one of his subordinates invites him for a beer, something to relax for the weekend.

Like every Friday, the bar is full of people. Pop music he dislikes is blaring from the speakers. I should go home, is what he's saying to Keigo just as he catches your gaze behind the bar. Your fingers greet him animatedly, sealing the words he was about to say and walking, as if spellbound, to where you are.

Enji can't believe you look prettier than the last time he saw you. You have a different haircut, a new uniform and your smile is so warm and genuine that his chest hurts; he couldn't remember the last time someone greeted him with such joy to see him.

Immediately, guilt grows like weeds inside him, weaving through his insides and creating roots.

You pour him the same old drink and his cheeks heat up at the thought that you remembered exactly which beer he likes.

"Thank you," he says without looking at you, picking at the foam dripping off the rim of the glass with one finger.

Your warm fingers cover his for a moment, drawing his attention to you. His fingers are still trapped on his lips, the gesture of tasting the beer foam.

"Is everything okay?" you raise your voice above the music.

Enji hesitates for a moment. "Work keeps me busy."

You purr away from him and turn your back on him, clearly not believing the half-truth he just told you, but you don't probe further.

Other customers approach the bar and you continue to prepare the drinks. Enji feels your gaze on him, which he avoids at all costs, gulping down the beer as fast as he can and eyeing Keigo on the dance floor, enticing some dance partner to accompany his peculiar moves. As he comes back to the front, you're smiling at him again, placing another full glass of beer in front of him.

"I thought you forgot about me," you comment innocently, leaning a little into his personal space.

Enji doesn't pull back, but you see him tense under the white shirt with rolled-up sleeves and suspenders that cling to his broad shoulders. His lips quiver not knowing what to say. Pathetic. Maybe you do the same with the other customers, and yet you still have him trembling with your mere presence.

"I couldn't forget you. You guys are my favorite."

You purr, reaching out to touch his hand to the watch hugging his wrist. The hand reads 11:35 at night.

"Are we your favorite or am I?" You look up at him through a slow blink.

Fuck. Something beats in his chest and in his pants. He'd forgotten this: the thrill of flirting with someone, with you, of feeling wanted. Of feeling desired. When was the last time someone touched him? He doesn't remember the last time he came in someone.

Enji clears his throat and, against his will, pulls his hand away from yours to toss a few wet red locks back.

"I think I should go."

"So soon?"

Enji had to get up and run before anyone else noticed the visible bulge against his thigh, smothering between the fabric of his pants and his now damp briefs.

"Yeah, I-"

"Stay. One more beer, on the house," you smile at him. Enji barely notices that you had clung to his forearm before he could escape. "Please." You lean in, and he takes a peek at your cleavage. Your lips find his hot cheek and leave a fleeting kiss there. Enji feels his whole body boil with heat.

He knows he's going to ruin you and hates himself for it. But he can't think of the consequences when that pussy wraps around his cock like it was made for him.

"Slow down, it's been a while.."

But you cling to him like you don't want to let go. Your nails on his back, mouth open gasping for air.

The bar is already closed, so your moans and his grunts are the only thing accompanying the music now. Your hips buck desperately as he thrusts you upright against the counter.

"Easy there.." growls enji, burying his fingers in your hips to keep you still. "Hold still. Just feel it."

Enji rolls his hips deep, his pants puddling at his knees. His curly hairs meeting your bare clit.

"Like this… nice and deep. Take it like a good girl."

His heart beats so fast, his balls tight around your drooling pussy. Every time he thrusts deep you lose the rhythm of your breath for a moment, the full force of his body and thighs pushes you against the counter, weakening your feet off the ground and you can only look at him with eyes full of eagerness as you split on his fucking thick cock.

And when you ask him to cum, to cum inside you; enji has no doubt. He's going to ruin you. And he hates himself for it.

[team7-headquarter]

Team 7 introductions are like:

Naruto: I want to obtain POWER so I can force people to look at me like an actual human being and not a monster, haha! They won't ignore me or isolate me anymore! They're gonna BEG ME and put their lives on my hands and— Oh and ramen. All the ramen. And maybe prove to everyone that they are dumb ass fuck for not believing in me? Yeah, prove them wrong, that's cool! And and and Iruka-sensei is cool! I'm so happy when someone does the bare minimum and respects my life and acknowledges the fact that I'm just a kid and that I'm suffering (one of) the craziest discrimination acts applied by our government Hokage...

Sakura: you know how the first real goal I got like the first thing I wanted for myself after years of being bullied and being nobody and wanting to disappear was the affection of this boy? Well, all these other girls think I don't stand a chance and that they'll get the boy, so I'm gonna win the boy and laugh at their faces. Does it mean that I need validation and affection and attention and love? Not, what are you saying, I have a perfect normal life and parents that are totally involved in my life and I am happy! So happy! I wouldn't know what sadness or loneliness is like! Never! I'm normal and totally nothing to worry about!

Sasuke: you'll find that the things you like in life are meaningless when you carry the trauma of being the sole survivor of a genocide committed by the brother you loved and adored. I want him dead which shouldn't be surprising given that we live in a society ruled by violence, right? I hate a lot of things because I'm painfully aware of how miserable our reality is. Since this is my trauma, no one else has the right to do something about it. They certainly didn't seemto have the balls to go after him, even when they call him criminal, so I'm gonna kill Itachi myself. Obsessed you said? Try enjoying life when you know someone can commit genocide and no one would give a fuck and the government won't do a thing. Try caring for others knowing they can get kill any day and you'll have to look the other way. I dare you to.

Kakashi: *most emotionally neglected adult in the village, abandoned as a kid, saw his father do the right thing and get so socially pressured he ended up commiting suicide and the government didn't give a shit, forced to become a perfect weapon at young age to show off the village strength, forced to become an elite assassin as a kid, people in the village widely making fun of his trauma and acting like he's just weird / peculiar and not on the verge of losing his mind for real, a champ at dissociation and a minute more away taking roots in front of the graves of his mistakes because he spent way too much time there in self-punishment, basically the most miserable jounin in the whole village*

Kakashi: hm, I won't let you get to know me or get close to me because everything I touch dies and I don't want to get attachments because you're soldiers and you might die and it doesn't matter that I have history with two of your families and that you all remind every single minute of the boy I watched die and the girl that I killed and the boy used to be. You will never know any of that. I am a whole man with a whole life that you'll never know because I am just your superior here and you must obey me in our missions. I'm definitely not hiding the fact that the village just failed me and set me up to be the one who failed you all in case you get killed or lose your shit once and for all.

[aphroditelovesu]

Yandere Cassian Headcanons (Romantic)

''You are everything I ever wanted and I will protect you with everything in me.'' — Cassian.

❝ ⭐ — lady l: Do I have a soft spot for him? I have. Can you blame me? Probably not. Ah, I hope you like it and forgive me for any mistakes! ❤️

❝tw: obsessive and possessive behavior, mention of murder, jealousy, unhealthy relationships.

❝ ⭐pairing: yandere!cassian x gender neutral!reader.

Cassian is very passionate and intense, his feelings are overwhelming and he needs to vent them in one way or another. Usually he does it by fighting, but he needs love. He needs you.

You are everything he ever wanted. It doesn't matter if you're his mate or not, Cassian is completely in love with you and he only wants you.

He can't remember ever wanting someone as much as he wants you. Cassian just knew that he loved you, that he needed you in his life and he wouldn't stop until he got it.

Cassian is a lovesick puppy, basically. He will follow you everywhere with passionate eyes, his wings spreading menacingly to anyone who dares to approach you.

He has no qualms about eviscerating alive anyone who dares to look at you the wrong way. You are all that matters and he will never let you be hurt. And anyone foolish enough to try will regret it very quickly.

He will do anything for you. Anything. Just order and it's yours. Do you want an expensive shoe? It's yours. Do you want a Spring Court rare flower? He'll sneak in there and get it for you. Everything, anything, just ask him.

To say he is overprotective is an understatement, Cassian is completely obsessive when it comes to your safety. Anything that shouldn't be there will be cause for concern and murderous rage. Even if it's just a broken nail, if you weren't the one who broke it, you can be sure that someone will die.

Cassian can't help but be so overprotective, he just wants to take care of you. It's his Illyrian instincts screaming at him to rip apart anyone who poses a threat to you. He's your bodyguard, basically.

He is your biggest fan. If you do anything, he will be rooting for you. If he could, he would wear a t-shirt with your face showing how much pride he has for you. He also constantly seeks your attention and approval.

Cassian would love to train you if you want, although he knows it's dangerous, he wants you to be able to protect yourself if he's not around. He would never forgive himself if something happened to you because he didn't want to teach you how to defend yourself.

Like all males, Cassian is very possessive and jealous and this is nothing new. He gets jealous very easily and generally acts petty about it. In the blink of an eye, he'll be at your side, pulling you into his embrace and staring at whoever made him deathly jealous. No one will take you away from him. No one.

He wants you to be happy with him. That's all he asks. He does not deserve? After all the shit he's been through, Cassian feels like he deserves to be happy and he knows he can only be happy with you. You are everything to him.

Cassian can be called a brute and, although he can often act like that, he is a teddy bear to you. He loves to hold you, hide you in his wings and just be by your side. He needs to always be touching you and not always in a sexual way, he just needs to have confirmation that you are real.

His touches are always soft and gentle on you, as if he's scared of breaking you. Cassian would never forgive himself if he ended up hurting you.

Cassian is a big softie for you. He would never hurt you and would always put you above everything and everyone, including his own family. You are everything to him, his life, his motivation and his reason for breathing. He would die and kill for you in a heartbeat. Cassian just wants to be loved and you are everything he loves, so don't abandon him. He wouldn't react well to that.

He would never force you to stay with him, but Cassian wouldn't let you go. He can't lose anyone else and he won't. You are his and you will always be his.

[lokisprettygirl]

Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 30 here/ Series Masterlist

Chapter 31

Summary : You and Loki try to balance your work, love lives and the stubborn jealousy that you feel regarding the female attention he's getting. But you're not the only one who's jealous in this relationship.

Warning: 18+, there's sex, Long chapter, almost 6k words, HUGE Canon divergence (Just me making shit up), A dose of angst, mention of stalking, Reader has deeply rooted insecurities, but she's also Pms'ing, mention of psychological torture, mention of physical and sexual assault, mention of menstruation, ptsd, self deprecating behaviour, panic attack, soft precious bean loki, polite bean Loki, Dalia, Loki showing signs of being a little subby baby

You were watching Loki get prepped for the press conference that was scheduled for few minutes later, they had straightened his hair, put makeup on him as if he needed it and he was dressed in an posh looking branded suit you didn't care to learn the name of, though you should have, your job was to take care of him in every way. Personally and professionally.

Sexually even, you shouldn't have been thinking about him bending you over the dresser and taking you but he had been such a tease all day long, everytime you two were alone he pulled you in his arms and kissed you so tenderly as he held your cheeks that moments after the kiss was over and other people had rushed into the room you found yourself dazed and confused.

It's been more than two weeks since you had gotten here, and a week since you started to work for him as his assistant. To say that your mother was livid would be a huge understatement, she was angry when you told her that you had a job offer in NYC but she went ballistic when you told her that Loki from Asgard, the guy who terrorized earth was going to be your boss, in her mind he was a criminal and she didn't understand how did you even approach them for the job.

She sent you plenty of videos as a warning of women who had fallen in love with criminals and ruined their lives. He wasn't no killer or a murderer though, he was a man overdriven by betrayal and lies at first and then he was tortured for so long, contrary to what your mother believed he was no psychopath, he felt guilt and remorse, he felt empathy for those who had gotten hurt because of his misdeeds, and he was utterly crazily, obsessively in love with you.

He was also having terrifying dreams of Thanos and he feared that they were not just dreams but a warning for him, he had tried to make these Avengers take him seriously but Tony was the only one who really believed in him, he had seen the impending darkness and the horror when he reached the other side of the portal.

"This is obstructive, loosen it up please" he mumbled as he pulled on his tie but his stylist swatted his hand away and asked him to not mess with it. A woman around your age was doing his makeup and she seemed to touch his face more than she needed to, you didn't blame her, you would have done the same thing but these things often sent you in a bit of a frenzy, you always felt afraid of some other woman catching his eyes.

"Did you memorize your speech?" Dalia asked as soon as she barged in the room,

"What speech?" He joked and she gave him a deathly glare, if she thought Tony was hard to manage, Loki was her living nightmare.

"Okay in ten minutes, we will go out so everyone leave the room and let him relax…chop chop guys" she clapped her hands so everyone stopped doing whatever they were doing and hurried out of the room, you got up from your chair as well but then you heard your name

"Y/n?" He called out your name and Dalia turned around as well to look at you,

"Yes sir" you turned to him but his eyes were on Dalia.

"You can leave, I just need to run my speech one more time and require a fresh set of ears" he said to Dalia and she nodded before she walked out and closed the door behind her.

As soon as she was gone he grabbed your arm and pulled you closer to him, you had a pretty formal red dress on and as much as he despised the color he couldn't deny that you looked amazing in everything you wore.

"Don't think I'll get used to you addressing me like that" you chuckled as he mumbled softly before his lips latched onto your neck, you closed your eyes and moaned slightly as he moved up and pressed a kiss on your earlobe

"Are you nervous sir?" You enunciated the term more sensually and he groaned in response but you could tell he was a bit nervous about the conference.

"I despise it that i have to do this all over again"

"I know baby" you spoke softly as you loosened his tie, unbuttoned the top button and then fixed the tie back on its place, he didn't need the death grip on his neck.

"Well atleast i have my princess here this time" you smiled as he said that, your arms flung around his shoulders and you pecked on his lips softly.

"You'll do great baby..i believe in you"

"Mmmm thank you..I'd need some assistance after the event" he mumbled in your ears while his hands lowered down from your back to your hips, he gave your cheeks a good squeeze and you couldn't help but moan in response, you were just praying that nobody else will barge in.

"Mmm careful I don't want to wrinkle your clothes"

"You say that as if it's something that can not be fixed by a bit of magic"

"You're so naughty..maybe i should put you in your place after this"

"Norns darling – you have no idea what it does to me" he placed your hand over the bulge on his pants so you gave him a slight stroke. In the last few days you two have been exploring a lot, especially since he showed you his jotun side he had been overly clingy which didn't bother you in the slightest, he didn't transform into his natural form since that night but he had come close often, you knew he was trying hard to allow his other side, his natural side to come out whenever he was around you but it wasn't easy for him at all and you wanted to be patient with him.

You cupped his cheeks and kissed him as lovingly as you could before you pulled away from him.

"Okayyy that is it, you have to go out there in a minute…do your magicky thing" you said to him as you fixed his tie one more time and then his erection was gone.

Once you both entered the auditorium you bumped into Thor so he gave you a smile.

"Soooo how did it go?" You asked him and the blush on his face was enough to give you the answer you anticipated but you still enjoyed teasing him.

"Thank you lady y/n for the motivation and for assuring me that I would be forgiven, she will visit in a week, I'd love for you two to meet" you smiled as he said that. You missed Jane and you were excited to meet her as well.

Everything was going according to the plan, but when it was turn for his speech Loki ripped the paper containing the speech he had in front of him and then he proceeded to speak from his heart, he didn't shy away as he talked about the the harm he had caused to the people of Midgard but he incessantly vowed to redeem himself and begged for their apology. He was doing everything he could to fix it and you just wanted people to give him a chance like they did last time even though he had no fake partner to parade around with this time.

"Did you fucking know about this?" Dalia asked you so you immediately denied, you absolutely despised her being your employer and would have quit if it wasn't for Loki, but you had no other choice. Even though she was pulling her hair out with nervousness his heartfelt speech was received positively and according to a poll conducted by CNN forty percent of population was already compelled to believe him.

"You could have gone with the original speech" Dalia said to him as you, Loki and her walked back to the dressing room.

"The original speech was pretentious and diplomatic, I don't intend to lie or make fool of those people again "

"Again?" She questioned him but he didn't answer, she sent you off with his stylist to arrange for the party that was scheduled to happen a few days later and as soon as you were out of sight she turned to him.

"Is she working well or can we hire someone more productive.. maybe someone who knows what they are doing" she said to him, clearly annoyed and the tone of her voice made him upset but he couldn't have said much.

"She's doing her best, she listens to me and she knows what I need, and she doesn't start salivating as soon as I'm in her surrounding unlike those other ladies you would have chosen for me"

He said to her sternly and she groaned before she left.

He wasn't able to see you all day long though he had planned to do so, it was getting more and more difficult to spend time with you but he managed somehow, he made sure he got you for himself atleast for a few hours a day, everyday.

A few days later Dalia had organised a party, a social meet and greet for him, several journalists and social media personalities were to come at this party and he was already exhausted. When he reached the lounge his eyes scanned for you and he found you talking to Bucky. You had a silver cocktail dress on and he was always intimidated by the attention this James was giving you, he has been alive for thousands of years and he always had an inkling when a man such as him had eyes for a women like you.

As you looked at him you said something to Bucky before you walked towards him.

"Hello handsome you look good" he looked deadly, the black blazer and white tee combo was killer, he smiled as he looked at you up and down, the dress was sinful and he had to get you alone sooner or later.

"You look beautiful princess"

"Shhhhh" you gave him the eyes as he called you by the pet name.

"Is there anything you need sir?" You asked him so he nodded.

"Dance with me" he grabbed your hand and your eyes widened but before you could say anything he dragged you in the middle of the floor and you both began to slow dance. You did like the song, always made you smile

I knew when we collided

You're the one I had decided who's one of my kind

"Everyone is staring at us lo" you said as you looked around.

"Let them stare, we are just dancing" There weren't any strangers at the party just yet so he wasn't that worried.

"Ahhh that…that reminds me of us.. remember?" Pepper said to Tony as she looked at you both so he smiled, grabbed her hand and took her to the dance floor, soon Bruce and Natasha joined as well, you often wondered if something was going on between them.

As the people started to fill the lounge Loki got busier with taking pictures with strangers he didn't even know, according to Dalia the more social media presence he would have the less threatening he would seem.

You got a drink and found a couch in the farthest corner of the lounge. Never ever in your wildest dreams you thought that your life would change so drastically, well okay maybe you did think of such wild scenarios in your wildest dreams but truth was you were not made for this type of lifestyle, it was just just too much interaction with too many people you didn't know.

As anxiety began to build up you put your drink down and walked towards the balcony to get some fresh air, you haven't been out of this tower since you got here, Dalia needed you to start right away and you didn't even have the chance to go back to your apartment to get your stuff, as much as you enjoyed being here with the love of your life you did miss the quiet and peace you felt in the privacy of your apartment at the end of the day. This was a perfect lesson for you to learn that grass was always greener on the other side.

"Hey there" you smiled as you spotted Bucky leaning against the railing, he was a bit unstable at times, he had do intensive therapy and even attacked his therapist a few days ago so he was on constant watch.

"Shouldn't you be inside assisting the manchild in there?" you frowned as he said that.

"He's not a manchild, in fact he's doing so well considering he never had to lift a finger of his own to get something in his life" he chuckled as you defended him.

"How are you doing here? I find this place more insufferable than a freaking prison" he said as he sipped on his drink.

"Well it can be daunting at times but we should count on our blessings don't you think?" He smiled at the comment.

"You are naive aren't you?"

You were anything but naive, he had no idea what you and Loki had suffered through to be with each other.

Loki had found you talking to Bucky again and he hated it, for some reason he didn't trust the guy, there's nothing James had done to him to warrant that sort of mistrust but he just felt innately jealous of him because he knew he had his eyes on you.

He called you on the phone, he had one now thankfully and he saw that you picked it up instantly.

"Yes sir, you need me?" You asked him in a formal voice you had adapted for this job so he smiled.

"I need you all the time princess, turn around" you turned around and gave him a smile as you spotted him.

"I'll be right there" you made your way inside again but before you could reach him he was taken away by two women who wanted to click pictures with him, he looked like a headless chicken between them, one of them had her arm around his waist, the other one was tall enough to wrap her hands around his neck as if he was her long lost friend.

"God you smell so good, what cologne do you use?" one of the girls asked him seductively but instead of responding he just excused himself and walked towards you.

"What good that will do for your image?" You questioned him, you had a fake smile on your face

"I have no clue, i have chosen to not question Dalia's methods anymore"

"Fair enough, so what did you need?" He noticed the annoyance in your tone and his brows furrowed.

"I'm sensing an attitude here, what did I do?"

"I'm just doing my job sir" he bit on his cheek and you sighed, the sudden mood swing made you realise that you must be pms'ing again.

"Sorry, I'm just overwhelmed and all these women around you–"

"Well it's not as if you don't talk to other men darling " you opened your mouth to say something but he walked out of the conversation, your eyes teared up at the gesture and before this would escalate you decided to just leave the party and calm down.

It's been nine months since you had known him, it was longer than any guy had tolerated you to be honest, your insecurities and constant mood swings that resulted from it was enough to drive them away from you eventually.

As soon as Loki saw you leaving he felt horrible, you had made several sacrifices for him and he needed to control his jealousy so he could treat you better, perhaps he should just tell you that he didn't like it when you spent time with James.

You had insecurities regarding him, you had been betrayed and cheated on and you may have moved on from those people but the scar they left behind never really healed, you feared he'd do the same to you even though he had no intentions of ever putting you through such pain, he'd die before he touched another woman in this lifetime.

As soon as the opportunity occurred he got himself out of the party but before he could go talk to you he was called to leave for an urgent mission, the whole team was leaving to track down this notorious ring of arms dealer and he had to prepare for the mission so he called you instead but you didn't pick up at all. Half an hour later you called him back so he picked it up,

"Yes sir, you needed me?" You asked him so he sighed deeply.

"Can I speak with my girlfriend miss y/n?" You didn't say anything for a good few seconds, you didn't want to fight with him, of course not, but you just felt cranky but you didn't want to take it out on him

"Look I'm sorry–"

"Darling I'm leaving for a mission, I will return tomorrow" he said abruptly,

"Wait..what?"

"Something about some arms dealers, I don't have the full information –"

"Where are you? I need to see you lo"

"I'm already heading towards the quinjet, I was calling you, where were you?"

"You could have just come and see me"

"I didn't have that much time to spare –"

"Yeah okay, it's all my fault– just be safe and come back to me okay?" You said hurriedly but he didn't have the time to console you at the moment.

"We are going to discuss this tomorrow alright? I love you" he barely whispered the love confession, someone must have been around him and you understood that.

"I love you" your eyes welled up as he hung up. Why did you have to be this way and sabotage things when they were going just fine?

You couldn't sleep all night just thinking of all the horrible things that could happen to him on this mission and how your last conversation with him wasn't really loving on your part, you never ever wanted him to leave this way ever again. You sent him a text or two but he didn't respond and that made you feel worse.

When you woke up the next morning you quickly got ready and called Loki but his cell phone was unreachable, so you called Thor and his phone was unreachable too, when you enquired you learned that they haven't returned yet but you had no reason to believe that they were in any sort of danger.

You couldn't eat or even breathe properly for that matter, you just wanted him to come back, you were going to go sulk in your room when Dalia called you in her office on the 17th floor,

"Can I come in?" You knocked on her door and as soon as you entered she started to yell at you,

"Did you know about this?" She turned her laptop towards you and you read the headline that was making her so angry

"The new Avenger is sleeping his way around town"

"Wait what? Is this about Loki?" You asked her so she glared at you.

"Who else? Did he have sex with this girl that came to the party ? Laura?"

"That's not possible, he was there most of the night and then he left for the mission" you read the content of the article and apparently that girl had posted the photo on Facebook claiming that she got lucky with him last night and it had gone viral almost immediately.

"Then what the fuck is this y/n?"

"Well it seems baseless to me, what is the source of the article? I mean anyone can say anything and these people will just publish it without any legit facts or proof"

"It doesn't matter whether this is fake or not, people are going to gossip and it's bad publicity for a man like him"

"Yeah but it's not his fault, maybe if he wasn't forced to click millions of pictures with these social media celebrities, nothing like this would have happened" she glared at you as you said that.

"Are you doubting the way I work y/n? You know how long it has been since I have been working in this field? Don't get overconfident here alright? You're lucky that for some reason he don't want me to get rid of you"

"Trust me Dalia I'm not the fortunate one here" you walked out of her office as you dropped the mic on her, but more so because you didn't want her to fire you on the spot, you didn't really enjoy having such confrontations.

You bumped into Pepper Potts in the elevator so you gave her a polite genuine smile.

"Something wrong?" She asked you as she looked at your sullen face,

"No it's just my boss.."

"Loki?" Well yeah him too but you weren't upset with him, you just wanted him to come back so you can hug him, spoil him and then give him a piece of your mind.

"No…I mean i work for Dalia basically so she's my boss"

"Ahhh I see, been there, she's not easy to please is she?'" you looked at her as she said that, usually all the women around here intimidated you because they seemed so strong and independent, so powerful and fierce but most of them were easy to talk to,

"Well she's kind of a — she's just..."

"A bitch I Know" your eyes widened as she said that "I have been here for years now, i started as as an assistant too, she made my life living hell at times but Tony helped me through it, I'm sure she's just pissed history is repeating itself" you smiled as she said that. Your history with Loki wasn't same as her and Tony but you could see how she made a connection, for them you came here a few weeks ago and miraculously landed this job.

"Noo me and Loki…we are not–"

"Oh come on it's pretty transparent, there is a chemistry, everyone can see it" you looked at her shocked as she said that,

"Everyone can?"

"Well most of us can"

"Well it won't really be wise to start something with my boss anyways soo.." her floor arrived so she smiled before she stepped out but she turned to look at you before she walked away.

"That's what I said"

A few hours later they had returned, the news of Avengers successfully tracking down the biggest chain of arms dealers in NYC was all over the news.

Loki saw plenty of messages as soon as his phone was in serviceable reach so he responded quickly to ease some of those insecurities of yours, you must have spent a restless night, he had no relief either,

He didn't want to leave when things were tensed between you two and when you clearly needed him but he had no other choice, he couldn't have opted out of going for this mission, he was merely a glorified prisoner for now.

A few moments later he was in your room, freshly showered but bruised as well, he had several marks on his face but some had started to heal already.

"If you ever leave me again without seeing me I will not speak with you for days and that is not a baseless threat" you glared at him so he smiled and walked towards you, his arms wrapped around your waist and he bent down so he could place his head right in the middle of your chest. You placed your nose on his head to take a whiff of his hair, you had horrible thoughts all night long, you just wanted him to come back safely to you.

"I'm sorry my darling" he traced his lips upwards and kissed the exposed skin of your neck, you just had a tank top on with a pair of booty shorts, you knew what you were doing dressing up this way "I was jealous too last night, i don't enjoy seeing you have a conversation with that man Barnes, you're not the only one feeling that way" he whispered in your ear so you cupped his cheeks and kissed him.

"Do you want me to ignore him?" His mouth curved into a smile at the offer, he should have taken it but that would be unfair to you.

"No.. that would be selfish and controlling of me, I don't want to be that man, I want to be better sweetheart, you make me want to be better for you, you deserve that and more, you deserve everything I can offer you"

He picked you up immediately and laid you down on the bed underneath him, your fingers traced over the bruises on his face and he moaned in response, he always seemed so pretty, so graceful whenever he was being touched so tenderly, he was so powerful but during such moments he always allowed you to be the one to protect him from every horrible thing out there, he needed you to coddle him as if he was barely a damsel in distress in the need of saving.

"You don't feel annoyed and bothered by my constant cribbing?" He chuckled as you said that but he could sense the hurt in the way you said those words to him, he fully intended to rid you of all those insecurities.

"I do feel bothered by them, but not for the reasons you might assume, I'm bothered that you are so tormented by such thoughts when I'm not there by your side but you need to remember how far we have come, I'll remind you over and over again that i belong to you and solely you and I'll do it for all of our eternities, but when I'm not here you need to remind yourself that you're the womanI almost annihilated the multiverse for, do you remember that?" You nodded as he questioned you softly, his voice was a sweet whisper in your ears as if he was trying to engrave his words in your subconscious mind, his thumb caressed over your cheekbone gently,

"I'd never ever hurt you in a way that would break the trust you have in me, i would never corrupt or taint the sanctity of this pure relationship we have here, you hear me sweet sweet girl do you not?" He cooed again

"I hear you lo..I'm so sorry so sorry" you mumbled and he latched his lips onto yours,

"Shhhh I don't need an apology my love, you're all perfect to me"

"So are you"

"You will be bleeding soon, want to make love to me?" He mumbled and you nodded in desperation

"How do you know?"

"I just do, it's the way your scent changes before that, it's a sickly sweet smell of your skin, before you run your thoughts over let me just remind you that I enjoy it, it's equally as scintillating as your natural scent is, perhaps even more"

"Goddddsss" you took his shirt off and he was already undoing both of your pants, the condom sheathed his cock magically and he rubbed the swollen tip of his length over your clit then he tapped over the swollen nubs gently,

"Don't tease me lo..pleasee"

He smiled at the sheer desperation in your voice and barely nudged the tip inside your warm entrance slowly.

"Mmmm I'm sorry.. I will be good i promise" he murmured, his breaths were heavy, his heartbeat already so fast you could feel them thumping under his chest.

"Mmm good boy, i love you" you moaned as he slowly pressed in deeper and deeper,

"How much do you love me, miss? Do you adore me?" He asked, his voice almost whimpery in your ears,

"More than anything in the world i promise"

"Mmmm thank you, thank you" he mumbled as he set a slow sensual rhythm of his hips, every moment made you crumble more and more.

"Sweet baby, climb up a little will you, I know you want me to do that thing again, don't you?" He nodded desperately as he realized what you were hinting at.

He placed his forearms over your head so his chest was on your face level, his hips never stopped moving, a few days ago you accidentally discovered that he enjoyed having his nipples sucked and damn if he didn't have the most perfect set, you were kissing from his neck down like you usually did and when you sucked on his right nipple you felt his whole body shiver with the feeling, he was almost embarrassed of it so you showed him he had nothing to feel ashamed of.

As you placed your lips over his right nub, you felt his cock twitching vigorously inside you, you flicked your tongue over and over before you sucked on him slowly, the moans and groans of that gorgeous ethereal man on top of you was nothing less than a symphony in your ears, you switched your attention to the other side for a good while before he slid down again and kissed you as passionately as he could, you treated him this way, you took care of him in every fucking sense of the word and then somehow you still felt scared that he'd ever be able to do anything that would make him lose this precious person underneath him.

He didn't blame you though, he understood your fears for he had the same ones, he just knew with time both of you will learn to let go of them, he truly believed that. You bit on his neck as you approached your orgasms together and then you both came in unison, it was desperate and needy, especially after that little argument this was exactly what you needed to calm those thoughts. He hid his face between the crook of your neck as he waited to recover, your fingers were running over his scalp and he just wanted to purr like a kitten but he resisted the urge to do that just yet.

"In bed? Well i certainly hope so" You chuckled as he said that.

"Loki?" You called his name so he looked at you "I'm pretty sure we will end up here again"

"No i meant the stupid argument..I'm just .. always terrified of losing you to other women, I know its silly and it's nothing to do with me not trusting you, I do trust you completely, i know my bestest friend in the whole world will never hurt me so cruelly but I'm just always afraid, I get ticked off for no reason.. I don't want to fight with you but I know it will happen" he smiled as you finished speaking, your eyes were teary, his heart clenched at the thought of people hurting you so deeply so many times that you always lived in fear, he knew you were always betrayed by those you trusted and he never wanted to end up being one of those people in your life.

"And that's okay, that is absolutely alright my love, my life is full of happiness with you in it, it's something I never really had before, and i would rather have us argue with each other and jump in bed to love each other like this then not have you at all, you are never going to drive me away no matter how many times we do this i promise you"

You hugged him as tightly as you could, you had nothing left to say to him about this, he didn't get annoyed, he didn't get upset with you or told you that you were overthinking, he validated your feelings and that was more than you have ever had in your life, he cleaned you up soon after and then you both took a nap together since none of you really got any sleep last night.

You were called in Dalia's office again so you decided to deal with that first. What did she want now ? When you entered her office Loki was there too,

When you woke up you found yourself wrapped up in the same blanket he had given you in the previous timeline, when did he even have the time to make it again you wondered. You clutched on it and basked in it for a good few minutes before you had to get up. You felt hungry and you were excited to see Jane, though you knew she wouldn't remember you at all, you just hoped the friendship would bloom again.

"Do I have to remind you all the time that you're on duty here? He has been unattended for hours now. Go bring him a cup of coffee and an iced tea for me" you looked at him and he mouthed a sorry so you sighed and turned around to grab him some, he would have asked for it if he needed it.

"You know Lady Dalia if I was you, I wouldn't be treating her this way, you want to know why?" She glared at him as he said that

"Are you threatening me?" He smiled but then his expressions changed, there was a manic look in his eyes all of a sudden.

"I'm enlightening you, she's a sweet girl and she puts up with a lot of my nuisance so next time you see her I need you to be nicer to her, i promise that won't kill you, am I being clear?" He asked her, his voice wasn't aggressive, he was calm and polite as he could be but she got the message.

"Can I just ask what is it that you like about her?"

"I do not like her, nor I have any interests in pursuing such a romantic relationship with her that you might think so quit worrying and do your job, can we sue this website that published this fake news about me?" He diverted the topic to stop her from thinking about you, when you returned you gave her the tea as well as the coffee, she took a sip and had something to complain of but Loki glared at her so she ate her words.

"Atta girl" he whispered almost inaudibly and Dalia's face flushed, less from embarrassment and more from a certain feeling she didn't wish to bear for the man next to him. You noticed the look on her face and your instant reaction was to facepalm.

It was clear to you that you just had to get used to women lusting after your man so brazenly. It was inevitable at this point.

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

Note : Things are going to spice up from the next chapter again i promise, wanted you guys to enjoy the fluff and smut for timebeing. He's so close to calling her mommy in bed at this point.

Taglist

@annoyingsweetsstranger @mcufan72 @nixymarvelkins @stupidthoughtsinwriting @fictive-sl0th @eleniblue @violethaze @anukulee @ladymischief11 @12-pm-510 @wolfsmom1 @whylokiissocute @pics-and-fanfics @daddylokisqueen @olivertwistrabbit @blog-the-lilly @prettylittlepluviophile @vanilla-daydreaming @somewiseguy @yaaamadaa-blog @dragonmurray @elthreetimes @gruftiela @thenotoriouserg @greep215 @yallgotkik @tactac286 @janineb86 @sflame15-blog @nyxlaufeyson @lokidokieokie @purplekitten30 @sunnixart @nikkig496-blog @frozenhuntress67 @qardasngan @rosecentury @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @hrefna-the-raven @jennyggggrrr

@cosniffee

[screebyy]

A something about Warlord's Ruin dialogue and Petra's exile and Uldren and Petra's relationship

“Petra, I’ve… never apologized to you. For what you’re still going through.”

The somber tone of Crow’s voice echoing through her radio sends an all-too-familiar jolt of unease down her spine. It’s uncanny how much the guardian sounds like him sometimes.

With a grimace, she shakes off the sensation, and clicks on her mic. “There’s no need,” she says, tiredly. “It wasn’t you.”

“I’m sorry,” The guardian radios back anyways. “He is too. Completely.”

She flinches again. He’s so much like the prince, it makes her nauseous sometimes - so self-obsessed he can’t help but shoulder the blame for any misdeed he can find some tangential reason to feel guilty over. What does Crow have to be sorry for? 

And what exactly does Uldren have to be sorry for? For the thousandth time she replays all the decisions she made during Mara’s years-long absence, all the mistakes she made. Uldren’s arrest, and the cold, cramped cell she left him in, because she didn’t know what else to do with the shell of her former prince, her former friend. The prison break, the hunt, the squeeze of her trigger finger…

Her hands curl into tight fists, her fingernails digging painfully into her palm. There was more she could have done. She knew there was something wrong with him, she knew that he was sick. Even before Mara’s sacrifice - after the Garden, she could tell he was no longer himself, that a darkness she still does not understand had burrowed into his heart, and taken root. She could have found a way to help him, to save him maybe - but… after Saturn, the Reef, it was all too much, she wasn’t enough, not on her own. If only Mara had been here, the Queen would have been able to…

“If I could wish it away…” Crow’s voice over her radio snaps her back to the present. A wish - he’s such a fool, she could almost laugh. Almost. She clicks on her mic.

“No,” she says, sternly. She won’t let him take the blame for this - not for Uldren’s mistakes. Not for her own. “You’re helping break the cycle. That should be more than enough.”

She kills the connection before he can respond. She suspects her words will do nothing to ease his misplaced sense of guilt - they never helped Uldren much, either. And she’s in no mood to listen to him find new ways to twist the lingering stain of Uldren’s mistakes into his own responsibility.

They are so much alike, more-so every day. She leans heavily over her desk, and closes her eye, remembering another apology, a lifetime ago…

—

The sun is so much brighter on Earth. Especially this time of year, mid-summer - it hangs high in the cloudless sky, just beyond the Traveler’s looming figure, and it’s so bright that the white concrete and iron railings of the Vanguard's Tower shine like marble and silver. Somewhere deep down, Petra knows it must be beautiful - but allowing herself to admit that feels like a sleight on her true home, the gentle golden rays of a sun always sitting low on the horizon, the refraction of purple light off the amethyst-studded walls of the Dreaming City. 

With a frown she sinks deeper into the shadow of the awning she's standing under, and squints against the blinding light. This place is a prison, she reminds herself - nothing here is beautiful. 

A hand on her shoulder startles her out of her musing - she whirls around, her knife whizzing up to the intruder’s throat, and finds Uldren Sov smiling ear to ear, hands held up in mock surrender.

“Your highness-!” She stammers, jumping back in surprise. “You shouldn't be here!”

“I'm not,” Uldren grins, pulling the hood of his cloak further forward to obscure his face. “Come on, let's get something to eat.”

—

They sit at a rickety metal table, in a cramped alleyway un-befitting a prince, with two bowls of hot noodles in a delicious, savory broth between them. It’s humble, but the noodle shop is one of the few places Petra has come to enjoy during her exile to the Tower - and discreet enough that Uldren is unlikely to be recognized.

“Everybody misses you back in the Reef,” Uldren says, picking absently at his bowl with a pair of chopsticks. “Jol says hello.”

“He isn't with you?” Petra asks, squinting up at the rooftops around the alley shop - searching for the silhouette of Uldren's shadow.

“No,” Uldren answers as he carefully pulls a few noodles up with his chopsticks, regarding them suspiciously. “He doesn't care for the Last City.”

Finally, he takes a bite, slurping the noodles into his mouth. He considers it, then scowls - Petra thinks for a moment it must not be to his liking, but the glimmer of irritation in his eyes betrays his true feelings. It's not the taste of the noodles that bothers him, but where they were made - he must be furious that such a delicious dish could possibly have come from the Vanguard’s Tower.

Petra smiles, and shakes her head. She wonders if he even bothered to tell Jolyon about this little excursion, or if he had just assumed he was doing the man a favor by leaving him behind.

“Anyway,” Uldren sighs, pushing his bowl across the table towards her. “When are you coming home?”

Her smile breaks, her heart twists with grief.

“Uldren,” she stutters. “You know, this isn’t-.... Queen Mara, she said-...”

Emotion wells up in her throat, sharp as knives, and she bites her tongue to keep it from spilling into her voice. This position is an exile, a punishment for her mistakes. She's never going home again.

“I know what she said,” Uldren sighs, waving his hand dismissively. “But do you really think she meant it? Come on, you're smarter than that.”

Petra stares at him blankly, mind racing. What does he mean? Did the Queen say something to him? About her? Uldren rolls his eyes, and leans forward.

“Petra,” he says seriously. “How long have you been away - five years? Six? This is a waste of your talents, and everyone knows it. You belong back home, with us.”

“All this-” He gestures around at the bare concrete walls, which look nothing like marble in this dark, dingy alleyway. “It's just a stupid show Mara had to put on, a political farce to stay in the Vanguard’s good graces. It doesn't mean anything, and it’s high time the show ended.”

He looks away, brow furrowed as he considers his next words for a long moment. Finally, he looks back at her, eyes flickering with emotion.

“I'm… I'm sorry, by the way,” he says. “For all of this. It's my fault you're here. For-”

“No,” Petra cuts him off, raising her hand. She will not allow him to debase himself, not for this. “I was the one who called for the bombing run, it was my decision that killed them. And this is my punishment.”

“But I was the one who dropped the bombs,” Uldren hisses, eyes burning. “I should have seen those guardians, I should have noticed-...”

He breaks off, biting his lip angrily, then slumps back in his chair, sulking. Petra looks down at his bowl of noodles, delicious and untouched.

“If you had seen them,” she starts, cautiously. “Would that have stayed your hand?”

Uldren frowns, and looks away.

“If I had known what would happen? That you'd be the one to take the fall for their deaths?” His frown tightens, the corners of his lips curling down in disgust. “Yes.”

Emotion swells in Petra’s chest again, but this time the feeling is warm and bittersweet. Pride, and gratefulness, for a prince who acts earnestly as a friend, not a sovereign. A friend so fiercely loyal he would try to take her guilt from her, and wear it himself.

“This isn’t your fault,” Petra says, quietly. “It was my mistake. My decision.”

“It was the right decision,” Uldren says, eyes snapping back to her with renewed ferocity. “It may have been an accident, but it was no mistake. You know that, Mara knows that. And she knows you don’t deserve to be rotting away in this tower for making the right call.”

Her eye opens wide, she sucks air into her lungs as she considers the truth in his words. He’s right. Of course he’s right. The Queen, she knows everything, so she must understand the depth of Petra’s loyalty, the veracity of her fervor. She must understand that there was no other call Petra could have made, there was no way to predict the guardians’ interference, no reason to believe they’d be anywhere near that valley. She must understand…

Uldren leans forward again, prodding his finger declaratively into the table.

“Write to my sister, plead your case, and she will listen, I promise you that,�� he says. “The City’s had their pound of flesh from you.”

“If you truly believe the Queen will hear me…” Petra starts, but treacherous hope flutters wildly in her chest, sending a smile bursting across her face before she can finish the thought. She laughs, suddenly giddy. Of course, Mara will understand. The exile, it’ll be lifted, her guilt absolved, and she’ll finally, finally-

“Come home, Petra.” Uldren smiles, lifting his finger to point directly at her. “That’s an order.”

[sarandipitywrites]

Writeblr Intro

(i should probably make one of these, shouldn't i?)

about me:

hi! i'm saran (they/them). i spend 99% of my free time writing, thinking about writing, making playlists for my writing, rotating my other obsessions in my head (currently jak & daxter; voiceplay; and motionless in white), and sometimes spewing those on my blog as well. this is my primary blog (i can barely keep up with this one, so a sideblog is not likely in the near future), so be aware that you'll see everything that spills out of my head/crosses my blog that i feel like sharing. if you're just here for the writing, that's cool, too! all of my original writing is tagged #my writing, and all longform works and snippets are tagged with their titles. i'm open to tag games, asks, and dms for anything and everything, even if you just need to talk 💜

about the writing:

i both read and write most genres, but fantasy and speculative fiction are my favorite (with a heavy dose of monsters and the paranormal, whether the genre otherwise calls for it or not). i write both original fiction and fanfiction. my main characters tend to be queer, neurodiverse, disabled, or all of the above. i write with an adult audience in mind (my writing has a tendency to delve into heavy topics, including mental health issues and societal commentary, and several of my stories contain graphic violence), so while minors are welcome to follow, i would encourage you to self-curate your experience. i try to tag anything potentially triggering, but i am human and sometimes miss things; if you notice anything that you think needs a tag, please do let me know!

general taglist (ask to be added or removed): @innocentlymacabre

find all the links and tags for my work under the cut:

the WIPs:

Spark Signature (wip intro, tag)

Ten years after their best friend's disappearance, Vy'd almost given up on seeing Jules again. But now that he's come back, and with a plan to steal the Foundation for Magitechnical Advancement's most sinister assets, Vy knows they can't let him pursue his vendetta alone. But the interference of Vy's nosy RPG group-slash-found family forces Vy to choose; will they do what they know is right and help Jules infiltrate the Foundation, or will they keep their head down and try to keep their family safe from the inevitable fallout? (high fantasy sci fi; LGBT+; cyberpunk; heist; thriller; original fiction) Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @leah-yasmin-writes, @unrepentantcheeseaddict, @ceph-the-ghost-writer, @mundanemoongirl

The Art of Empty Space (wip intro, tag)

Lienzo's search for a cure for his parent's condition entangles him in a years-old curse with an arcane beast at its heart. As he works to break the curse and free the city of Rookport, he finds an unexpected ally in the beast — and, perhaps, something more. (subversive fairytale; paranormal romance; original fiction)

Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @notwritinganyflufftoday

Dead Roots, Dark Water (wip intro, tag, Ao3)

After two years of genetic experiments at the hands of Haven City's Minister of Science leave him almost unrecognizable, Jak isn't as eager to go home as Daxter would have hoped. Daxter's rescue mission becomes a quest to undo the damage the dark eco experiments inflicted upon Jak's body and psyche — and the only one who can help them is Haven's most beloved public figure, who also happens to be Minister Acheron's twin sister. (adventure; dark fantasy; dystopian; fanfiction - Jak & Daxter)

Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @sam-glade, @televisionjester, @surroundedbypearls, @rivenantiqnerd

the Short Stories:

A Haunted Home

A haunted house gets its latest in a long string of owners. Is it possible to have a QPR with a house? You're about to find out. cw: implied past domestic abuse

Bodies

The Belltown Butcher takes a trophy from each of their victims. Ness survived, but not before the Butcher took their prize. cw: referenced kidnapping, trauma, eye trauma

Loreley

A cartographical ship picks up a distress signal in the unexplored Groombridge 1618 system. Instead of the lost Kasandra, they find a seemingly-habitable planet.

I Am Alive

A group of friends breaks into the local haunted house for an All Hallow's Eve séance. It doesn't go as planned.

[poorrichardjr]

Threats

Sometimes it can be very frustrating to live in a place so heavily populated with conservatives. Most everyone I run into plans on voting for Donald Trump because they believe he was sent by God to save them. He is what's best for our country, and it doesn't matter what he says or does, nothing is going to shift their belief in him.

I know a lot of these people have no idea what Trump really says. I know most of them have no idea what the results of his hatred for immigrants, the media, or liberals will really be. Mostly because they don't believe what he will do is really that extreme, and also because most of them really can't be bothered to actually do a bit of thought or research to understand the threat. Nope, they are die hard republicans and voting any other way is voting for the devil and the destruction of the country.

The thing is, I know a lot of these people aren't stupid. And though they say that they aren't hateful or racist people, it sure seems hard to believe them when you watch how they respond when they are told about how Trump wants to send troops into American cities on day 1 to root out every single immigrant and deport them. It's as if they can't put it together that if we suddenly remove a few million people from our economic system that we are going to have massive upheaval. No, these people aren't all collecting government checks that are so large they live better than you. These same people aren't taking your job. They are doing construction jobs, agriculture jobs, and meat packing jobs that a lot of Americans will not do. Many of them are paying taxes.

Don't get me wrong, there needs to be a better system in place to root out the criminals that sometimes slip through the cracks. There also needs to be a way for these people who are dedicating their lives to getting better and working hard to become citizens. We all know that suddenly deporting millions of people is going to adversely effect our economy. Adding in tariffs will significantly increase the costs of everyday items and cause a massive recession or depression. Tariffs have a place and a point, but Trump doesn't know what it is, and that's why he had to pay trillions of dollars to farmers and agriculture companies just to keep them afloat after he started his trade war.

But, this isn't about economics. As bad as Trump is on economic issues, you will never hear a bad word about it in the right-wing media sphere which is where the vast majority of these upper lower class yahoo's get their information from.

No, what I'm really getting to is that Trump, and by extension the Heritage Foundation, is planning to use every tool at their disposal to completely upend our society in every way imaginable. For people who seem constantly obsessed with conspiracy theories about democrats murdering newborn children, children using cat litter boxes in schools, or the government pushing vaccines on people to track their every movement, they don't want to consider the possibilities of giving a man who is deemed to be untrusty by every reasonable measure the tools to do whatever he wants.

You say you love your freedom. You say you want your guns, your free speech, your religious freedoms, and every other thing you know you are entitled to by our constitution. Yet, you can't understand that a man willing to send the police and military through the streets to root out undesirables isn't going to suddenly decide one day that even your freedoms are too much. You shouldn't have your guns because some idiots tried to assassinate me. You shouldn't have any right to protest because you don't like what I did. Maybe I will send the police and military into your town to round you up next and stick you in concentration camps.

I know you believe that will never happen. Oh, my representative wouldn't allow that. Yes they would. They are all cowards who have repeatedly bowed down to let Trump say and do whatever he wants. Are they suddenly going to grow a spine and try to say no just because your lily white ass is now on the line? Hell no, they won't because like every coward they are far more worried about their own lily white ass.

Trump and all of his enablers are a threat to the very foundation of this nation, and I am so sorry that none of you are able to see it. I still believe there are enough people of good moral judgement and conscience that Trump is going to lose this election. I can't guarantee that though. There are people in place to gum up the works and there are others who plan to not certify the vote if Trump loses. I don't expect Trump to walk away if he gets blown out, and I don't expect the right wing bubble to do anything but try and say how everything was stolen from them. They have also proven over and over that they are willing to say anything to get their way.

My faith in my fellow countrymen is waning. I want to believe you are good and honest people. I want to believe you are who you say you are. But I see your actions. I hear your words. You aren't the Christians you think you are. You aren't the good people in this story. I don't want to blame you. I know you are being lied to. I know you are struggling and doing your best just to get by most of the time. I also know that you are being poisoned and brainwashed on a daily basis when you listen to anyone talk about how awful our country is. There are problems, just like there has always been, but we are nowhere near as bad as we have been in other times.

Our whole way of life is on the line. I hate to say this because most everyone is tired of hearing how "important" this election is. But, it's true. A man who is given absolute immunity to do whatever he thinks he should for the good of the country isn't going to stop at "illegal" immigrants. Next they will come for the trans people. Then the gays. Then the "left wing media". Then anyone who doesn't support him and his every lie.

Sooner or later they will get around to you and your friends. Someone like this can't stop no matter how far they go. There will always be a new enemy. You have the chance now to stop this madness before we walk down the same road as Germany, China, Rwanda, and so many other nations. Can you, as a concerned citizen do the right thing? Will you? I guess I'll get my answer in a few weeks.

[missuswalker]

craig craigslist craigger cracker withh gn!reader who is a total tease, rlly unserious n be like "ooo u so obsessed" from js him flipping them off. a situationship w nsfw?? tyy

this is delicious, i love that you included his full legal name

i'm serious || craig tucker x gn reader

✮ summary: after not taking anything he says seriously, your boyfriend puts you in your place ✮ warnings: nswf content 😏😻 reminder that characters are aged up

"Fuck, I didn't finish my essay." Craig stands from his place on his bed, walking to his desk to open his laptop. "Sucks to suck," I respond, scrolling through tiktok. "It's twenty percent of my grade," Craig complains, clicking noises emitting from his keyboard. "That's tough."

I see Craig roll his eyes, bent over at his desk, typing away. I snicker at his position, earning a middle finger from a stressed Craig. "Damn, you want me so bad," I joke. "Can you shut up?" Craig groans, his eyes not leaving his dim laptop screen. "Make me." I snort.

"I will."

HUH. I look up from my phone, seeing Craig already looking at me, his expression stoic. "I'm serious. Come here." He adds, backing up from his desk. "Come." I repeat, laughing at my own joke.

"Y/n. Now." Craig demands, untying his sweatpants. Oh, shit. "Yes, schnookums," I mumble, still not quite taking this whole thing seriously. "Y/n, I'm serious."

I could feel my face heat up, my stomach having that fluttery, burning feeling. I slowly stand from his bed, nerves rushing through me. "You're gonna learn to shut your mouth. Knees." He says, his deadpan expression unwavering. He pushes me down, his palm on the top of my head, roughly guiding me to my knees.

He often did shit like this when he was stressed, but never had he seemed so pissed. He pushes his sweats down his thighs, the outline of his hard dick already visible through his boxers. He looked at me expectantly, leading me to hook my fingers in the waistline of his boxers, letting them drop to his ankles.

I could feel raging butterflies in my stomach as his dick sprung out, Craig's hand gripping the roots of my hair. "No more jokes?" He asks, his voice teasing.

I take him in one hand, my other against his thigh. I pumped him a few times before being tugged by my hair forward. "Use your mouth, babe. You've been doing it all day, this shouldn't be any different."

I'm quick to wrap my mouth around his tip, only to be shoved all the way down to the base of his cock. Gagging, I try to pull back, but Craig holds me in place. He pulls me back up, allowing me to find my own rhythm.

"Shit," he huffs, watching me bob my head up and down. His breathing becomes uneven, his head tossed back. He begins to guide my head once again, pushing me down as far as I could go before pulling me back up again and again.

He pushes my head down one more time, finishing down my throat. He looks down at me with a stupid smirk, pulling me off of him. "You gonna shut up now?" Rolling my eyes, I leave him where he stands, taking my seat on his bed once again.

"Nope."

"Goddammit, Y/n."

a/n: i'm embarrassing myself with my mid smut writing skills, i need more practice, i couldn't take myself seriously while writing this

[haleigh-sloth]

Toga, she doesn't love anymore :(

That title is bullshit, just as what Toga said in chapter 376 is also bullshit.

I mean, we all know Toga by now. Her entire character has been about love, and feelings toward other people, and relationships. And no, I don't mean reducing her down to her surface level crush on Deku, because it's far from that.

We talk a lot about Tomura's unreliable narrating, but not enough about Toga's. So I'm going to take it back to MVA when we got her backstory, and use everything up until current chapters to explain why THIS PANEL--

--is very negative development for our dear Toga. (No worries, she’ll be aight)

Sorry, in this instance, a young girl letting go of her obsessive, unrequited love is not quite the freedom it would usually be accompanied by.

Toga, the girl who just wants to become the people she loves. Totally normal, right? RIGHT?

Or is it?

Toga, the girl who is happy with everything as it is, as she is. Happy with who she is:

Or is she?

Yeah, so happy with herself.

I mean, idk why it's not touched on more. Toga defending her want and desire to literally drink the blood and turn into people she loves is not a good thing we as readers should be rooting for her to be able to do lol. Her traumatic past explains it away, but man we shouldn't have to debate on whether or not that's a life she really should be living.

She defends her actions, but even Toga herself knows that “blood” is not what she wants.

What exactly is Toga's issue? Much like the rest of the League, she's got this small issue of self-hatred that she can't really get rid of. She's been berated her entire life, told to be "normal", told to stop being...who she was born as. So what do her normal feelings toward people--normal feelings that everyone experiences (i.e. innocent crushes)--turn into?

Intense feelings of just wanting to disappear into the person she loves.

THIS is also negative. It's not great, and it's exactly what led to her needing someone to help her in the first place.

So why is it negative for her to say she’s “no longer a girl in love” in 376?

Well, as long as Toga was still seeking out love (connection, relationships, friendships), she was still seeking out an understanding, a listening ear:

What separates Toga's path of self-annihilation from say, Tomura's and Touya's, is that while she lies to herself even in her own head during MVA (when she's being forced to face her ugly truth unpreparedly), she shows us through her actions that she already knows her own truth--which is why throughout the manga we see her trying to get that understanding and acceptance from Ochacko and Deku, on quite a few occasions.

Toga knows what her "love" means. She knows that "love" is just an exaggeration of normal feelings everyone experiences. Which is why she was so resistant to Curious's confrontation:

We know Toga knows the truth. That was the entire point behind her confronting Ochacko during the first war:

She tells the truth here. It's hard for her to live the way she is. She shuts everything away and it just grows inside, the more people reject her and outcast her, the more intense her feelings grow because they are never reciprocated and she is never treated like a person with normal feelings. And it’s a vicious cycle of reaching out, rejection, snapping and hurting, rinse repeat.

But as long as she was trying to find “love” in the world around her, she was still reaching out, and trying to pull herself up and out of her own misery.

That’s why Toga’s shift in 376 is negative. Her “love” is not simply an unhealthy one-sided crush. Her “love” is just basic connections to other people, which she is denied over and over again.

Her development being preceded by becoming a “full fledged villain” and giving up on help and just annihilating all of the heroes is the most obvious, glaring signal that this is a downward spiral for her.

She isn’t liberating herself from an unhealthy unrequited love, she’s giving up on being happy. Toga’s end game is not a boyfriend. It’s love as in—acceptance and friendships she gains and maintains.

So, my point is that nah, this isn’t good. And it’s absolutely a farce. It’s the same “giving up” as Tomura during the dichotomy speech, only to find out 60 some odd chapters later that he hasn’t given up and that sliver of hope is keeping him from disappearing.

Ochacko being stubborn is exactly what Toga needs (and wants), and I’m so ready to see it.

[xoshepard]

on the one hand, i'm always right to hate walt bc he sucks and none of this would have happened if he hadn't forced jesse into the lab bc of his obsession w controlling jesse specifically, and i get that gale was an unknown element but he didn't have to control anyone he just had to shut up and cook and take his $17mil a year or whatever

on the other hand, things really spiraled out of control bc gus was pissed that jesse wanted to kill two guys for 1) coercing a child to kill his friend and 2) killing that child so honestly like of course i shouldn't root for gus but ???? i still wish jesse would just let gus kill walt like god damn mike was right man you are loyal to the wrong guy

[galaxyedging]

Jack Daniels x gn!reader

Warnings: A little flirting. A tiny bit of angst.

Summary: A fluffy little post workout drabble for anyone feeling a little stiff today.

The close call last month had you working harder than ever. If you'd be a second slower, Jack would have fallen to his death. If he hadn't been able to help you pull him up, you would have lost him. The weight of that realisation threatened to crush your heart. The heart that violently thrashed against your rib cage as you pushed for a new personal best. In the moment, the force of it served to push away the heaviness of what could have been.

Jack had noticed. Of course he had. He noticed everything about you. To know someone is to love them, right? It was that unspoken love that drew him to pass the gym every morning. Even though he had Ginger monitoring your virals, he still wanted to see that you were okay with his own two eyes.

The treadmill beeped signalling that you had reached your goal. In a new personal best. With your legs like jelly you stumbled off of the machine, preparing to cool down. Bending at the waist and bracing yourself with your elbows on your knees. Your lungs gulped in air as you willed them to calm down.

It shouldn't have surprised you, how Jack was able to cross the gym floor in silence, yet it did. His hand gently on your shoulder turning into your hand gripping his throat. "Ssshh. Easy there, Darlin'." He made no effort to remove your hand. He was content to let you feel in control.

Once the shock wore off you yanked your hand back as if his smooth, warm skin had been on fire. "Sorry, Jack. I was just…." Your shoulders slumped. Obsessing? Panicking?

"I know what you were doing. What you've been doing everyday. You must be sore after all that. Let me help you stretch." With gentle hands he guides you back to back with him. His arms thread through your elbows. He slowly leans forward, opening your chest up wide. Your shoulders protest for a second but relax. "You know you can tell me anything that's on your mind. It's not good for you to be distracted."

"I know. I'm good. I just want to up my training."

"I'm surprised you have enough energy left. You spent enough time running through my mind." You can hear the smirk in his voice.

"I'm sure I do. Why do you think I'm training so hard? I can't have you catching me." He releases you from his grip as you smile at your retort.

It was almost like old times. The times before your feelings broke through. Before they invaded your every waking thought. Before you carried the weight of them in your chest and on your shoulders.

"Here." He showed you to the mat.

Sitting with his legs astride his patted his inner thigh for you to brace your feet on. Taking your hands he pulls lightly, stretching you forward. Your legs burn as do your hands from his touch. Such a simple gesture, holding of hands. It can mean so much. Part of you wanted to not let go. To run as far and as fast as you could away from your jobs. To keep you both safe.

"On your back." He pats your leg and you complied. One of your legs is on his shoulder as he comes to kneel between them. His hands hold your thigh and he pushes you into the stretch.

"Is this position really necessary?" You arch your back and tilt your head to draw his attention downwards. You'd rather bare your body to him than your soul and the way those big brown doe eyes were looking at you, you could tell he was looking for answers.

Jack made no attempt to hide the appreciative sweep his gaze gave your body before returning his eyes to yours. "I want to help you. So why don't we get to the root of the problem?" Leaning back he switched your legs. "We both know every time we go on a mission there's a chance we lose someone."

"I know that." Your arms came up above your head in a stretch to give you something else to focus on.

"So what? You've just realised it's different when you love that person?" His words piled further weight on your chest.

"Jack.." You try to shift away from him as far as you can while still underneath him.

"Look, Honey, I ain't got to hear it from your pretty lips. I just need to know that I feel the same and if it was you hanging out there, I don't think I'd be doing as well as you are. See you there, knowing you could be just out of reach, being helpless, that would have torn me apart."

Lowering your leg, as well your guard, you let him get close. His body settled on yours pushed the weight from your chest. The press of his lips on yours relaxed your limbs more than any stretches ever could. Breaking away you rested your forehead against his. "What if I lose you Jack?"

Tracing your nose with his before he dips his head for another kiss, he replies. "I'd rather be lost than pushed away."

[evendumbo]

Man, just one more thing since I made the mistake of seeing how the conversation was going on twitter and elsewhere with the antis. It's not fun to see people call fans who rooted for a Ted and Rebecca romance crazy, strange, and obsessed. That's just fucking sexist and, maybe even more annoying to me, it's not good faith disagreement. I did not ship Ted and Rebecca throughout my first watch of both seasons one and two. I am generally not pressed by possible tv romances. The ship did not start in my imagination, it was initiated by the writers. It was not only a platonic soulmate story. It was a possible romantic soulmate set-up. I wish people would stop playing. If everyone can acknowledge that Nate eventually taking a turn for the worse was seeded all the way back in the season premiere, then we agree that the writing was deeply purposeful and likely seeded other things. In fact, after I finished the season 2 finale and rewatched seasons 1 and 2 together as a whole, it was the seeds of Nate's arc that I saw first. Then I began to realize the other narrative arcs that had been put into place and I marveled at the kind of work that the writing was doing. This is when I realized that the writing was communicating that Ted had a crush on Rebecca and only then, lo, a shipper was born.

Por ejemplo, I wish those who are saying that tedbecca was fabricated could explain why the Dutch guy had so many parallels with Ted. What would be the point of that? There are an infinite number of ways the writers could signal that he was a nice, goofy, caring guy. They didn't have to reference Kenny Rogers, they didn't have to make him cook for her, they didn't have to have Rebecca say "fuck me" after she consumed something he made, they didn't have to make the dress pink. If this were a regular show and Ted and Rebecca were regular platonic friends, none of this would have been (or at least should not have been) written. Imagine Leslie from Parks and Rec falling for a guy who is written to be exactly like her platonic friend, Ron. That would be weird, uncomfortable, and at least raise questions.

One could argue that, yes, Rebecca and Ted were soulmates but they had no romantic attraction, so the Dutch guy was supposed to be a Ted-shaped soulmate with romantic attraction. I'd counter with all kinds of things, but at least this would be a good faith argument because we can agree about what is clearly on the screen. We just disagree about the interpretation of the narrative. Nobody is "crazy" in this argument. It's fine if Hannah advocates for a purely platonic relationship between Ted and Rebecca, but it's not cool that she talked down to tedbecca fans who became excited about what was clearly on the screen like there was something wrong with us. The possibility of romance between Ted and Rebecca did not come out of thin air or some kind of heteronormative compulsion, it came from your show, girl. We didn't write it! If they were gonna get exasperated about people getting excited about a possible romance, then they shouldn't have written it and performed it like a possible romance.

As I said, it would have helped if we at least were given confirmation that Ted had a crush on Rebecca in season 3. If that had happened and everything else was the same, I would have been a little disappointed, but that would have been an ending that made sense to me, an ending that was bittersweet and cohered with everything else the show was expressing. I would have defended that ending forever. But without an actual reveal of at least Ted's feelings in the world of the show (not another pointless fake-out), I'm left feeling irritated or crazy-made or, as I said before, somewhat abandoned as a fan of the TL narrative style. And, at this point, until I let it go, I also dread the hanging possibility of TL's return. I've had enough ambiguity from these folks 😂. Just vaya con dios, friends. Adiooooos.

I love and respect television and I am deeply grateful to television writers. I have also acknowledged that Ted Lasso looks hella hard to write, so I am humbled by that. It had to reach a great height in order for me to be invested this hard. I am thankful for the show's lessons about faith and ethics and community and will try to take them to heart going forward. I honor the show, the fans, and the artists.

And, as far as people calling tedbecca fans crazy? As the woman said, fuck the haters. 💜