#I should just keep my mouth shut
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i keep embarrassing myself over and over again
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Hi! I have been thinking about Marc and the ways he expresses his anger... giving the cold shoulder... the silent treatment if you will (he will speak ABOUT vale but not TO vale let alone WITH vale)... need your input please....
hmm good question.... this got. STUPID long sorry
uhhh marc is, in general, good at keeping his (negative) emotions in check. like i think marc loooooves to think of himself on track as a mature, controlled, and rational dude. above distraction. a killer. a cyborg. idk his dad has talked about how he doesnt really complain much about injury and there's also allll these stories about what a mature kid he was... so i think that when he was young - ESPECIALLY in a racing sense because he was so much younger than most of the people he was competing against - he internalized that in order to do all the stuff he wants to do racing-wise, he reallyyyy has to keep a level head and not well. act his age! and i think that extends to a lot of how he manages his emotions today (at least in a public setting). even in places where im pretty sure hes PISSED (sepang. phillip island 2013.) he just kind of. visibly contains himself. not a confrontational dude in the outright sense he'll clench his jaw and try to work through it.
which is part of what makes his valentino-oriented crazy so interesting. bc people were noticing that marc in 2015 was kind of. being weird. as his and valentino's relationship deteriorated. like they were both outwardly very much like we can keep it on track :) until the big fallout towards the end of the year but uhhhh. well marc has said that vale started pulling back in september of 2014 like he was noticing SOMETHING, and they clashed on track A LOT in 2015, and i think marc sensed vale cooling on him and freaked a lil. hashtag neurotic 22 year old moments. he is my favorite crazy ex girlfriend. like usually he IS good at separating that stuff out and managing his emotions in the racing sense but in assen that year when vale overtook him off track after they made contact he raised a BIG stink with race direction and actually had some uh. not especially chill quotes about it. (it should be noted marc was also flopping for the first time in his motogp career. like in his brain he stopped winning AND vale stopped talking to him he was goin through it) adn all the reporters noticed too they were like. why werent you sucking and fucking in parc ferme. like vale's left turn wrt to spaniard sabotage comes outta nowhere but people WERE noticing that things were changing. i bet marc noticed too. BUT they are not the type of people to talk about these things so they keep it to vague flirting in presscons and escalating on-track tension slash proxy wars waged in race-direction contexts... liek truly you are 22 you are not going to keep your championship title and your hot sports idol bestie is no longer flirting with you on twitter and you COULD just talk to him about that but you'd rather DIE so youre going to ask honda to back you up to race direction about your last race where you DEFINITELY lost bc winning is the ONLY thing thatll make you feel better. even though thatll help convince your hot sports idol that you are engaging in a benedict arnold level betrayal scheme against him. an insane time to be marc marquez. 2015 really kind of is a study on how both of them handle losing: NOT WELL.
and then the thing about sepang is that then the lid is blown clean off and marc spends the ENTIRE race being annoying on purposeeeee. hes so fucking pissed and hurt at valentino that he decides to get under his skin for REALSIES instead of focusing on his race. like idk he probably would have fought hard for the win without the drama that how he works but uh. i think he was being annoying specifically to bite at vale's edges. and part of that is bc marc is naturally and effortlessly annoying. but i think part of it was SPITE. like his team advised him not to speak on anything from that presscon and he didnt, but he can still fuck him over on track. get under his skin. like he cant tell vale to his FACE that he's angry and confused and hurt. but he CAN let him know on that fucking racing line. where he cant be ignored. idk like i cant see marc letting anyone else get under his skin like that.
AND another big ass exception to the marc marquez anger management philosophy is from misano 2019 where vale messes with his qualifying lap. a lovely anon sent me some videos of marc talking to the press and jesus christ i dont think ive ever seen him angrier oh my god. AND the anon also linked the race from that weekend where he won and he celebrated harder than ive seen him celebrate some TITLE wins like he went. notably nuts. the commentators were all like uhhhh. he mustve REALLY wanted to get one over on vale adjfhlkdh... idk if any of this answered your question but his relationship to his emotions fascinates me hes so weirddddd. and its interesting to me that he can shrug off jorge ruining his last race at honda and be friendly but also be like. kind of aloofly pissed at bezz. because of valentino! he can repress the rest of it, but valentino shines through the cracks.
#its interesting bc theres also this tension with him where he keeps all of this tightly controlled and then he also REALLY wants you to know#about it. like in his docuseries hes like okay i know we have to talk about valentino :/ which is CRAZY bc he is producing that series#and its about his comback from injury. he could have EASILY left it out but he wanted to set the record straight#and also pull the punch/make it seem like hes no longer invested by saying he doesnt wanna talk about it#idk i think he was smart to keep his mouth shut in sepang 2015 but it CLEARLY cost him#like i think his own reservedness confines him sometimes and he chafes. and it bubbles out. like marc dont you just wanna go apeshit.#anyways this isnt even my entire marc and anger thesis like i need to go back to grad school lmao#callie speaks#motogp#asks#marc marquez#rosquez#tbh. i should just write some fic. hmm.#long post
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me whenever i see a clip of Sevika:
#even in s1 when she was technically not on the side i should support#brain was off and i was giggling for her#itās funny how i think i might have the capacity to call everyone in arcane an idiot#but i just know i would keep my mouth shut in reality bc everyone is hot af#sevika arcane#sevika
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i hope ur pillow is warm tonight and you wake up early so ur grumpy āŗļø (the beat it chapter was great but fuckkkkkkkkk sunny)
no joke this has been me for the past few days so im just gonna blame you for this.
ive been getting my karma already from nights of bad sleep so neednt fret!
#its so facinating to watch the reactions because i forget yall dont know what i know#and then i have to be careful not to spoil like eeeeeeeee dont hate this character yet just waittttt. but i should just keep my mouth shut#sweetiejaeyun#beat it!
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today is such a stark contrast to yesterday in how much i fucking hate today (vent/rant in tags bc i forgor to do it on my vent one)
#[š®] rambles ~#lmfao you speak up in this household? WRONG. MISTAKE. HOW DARE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.#expressing your thoughts? fucking blasphemy#āoh you do know you can tell me anything anytime right? ā what a joke#gods#fuck this shit#you know what i need to learn properly? keeping my mouth fucking shut. keeping my thoughts to myself.#why do i even bother#I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING#just you know spoke the truth which is apparently forbidden or smth#its not my fault shes a hypocrite????? cant accept the truth thats her fucking problem#honestly i genuinely cant think of an adult around me who isnt a hypocrite but im sure there hopefully is#and then she comes again all sweet sickly smiles expecting me to shower her with love the next moment after being fucking scolded like hell#for saying ome single fucking line of my thoughts that she so encourages me to āexpressā#as if everything is my fucking fault#atp i hate myself as much too bc why do i let myself get affected i should have grown used to this shit years ago#i should know better than to let her get to me yet look at me being a sentimental lil bitch#god i just wanna get out of here please#anyways shit this didnt go to my vent blog fuck im sorry yall had to read that guys please feel free to ignore lmao#but yk i had to get my feelings out somewhere bc wwll i bottle up enough already lol#tw vent
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I adooore wano Luffy, but God, there is a certain perfection to wci Luffy that just delights me
#not saying I necessarily love wci Luffy more#but ppl should talk more about wci Luffy me thinks#wano Luffy has matured so much and he is soooo cool and there is g5 ofc#but wci Luffy is just so incredibly sweet?#maybe that's too simple and maybe I can word it better idk#him breaking the mirror so the crew won't be in danger and also pretending like he is fine when he was in pain#like the scenes of him keeping his mouth shut so that they wouldn't know he was in pain and him smiling at them to assure them#literally alllll the stuff with Sanji#his fight with Katakuri and their mutual respect and understanding#him covering Katakuri's face after the fight#his parallels with big mom#perfect#he is perfect#lulu rambles#monkey d. luffy#one piece#If only I had the strength to reread my fav mangas#also forgot to mention his scenes with judge and jimbei as well
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Flora whatās the ship? Iām curious now
the one i mentioned here? odazai. people act like the ship is so fucking heinous and damn near incestuous when oda is only 4 years older and they are not related
#itās not a ship i enjoy i just truly donāt understand why itās been so demonized??#āthey interacted when dazai was a minor!ā literally do you hear yourself#bitching in my inbox = immediate block thank youuuu#i love having loud opinions when i should just keep my mouth shut#voices in my head#demons
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sighs and collapses and disintegrates into the wind
#Sevenās Public Diary#vent post#cw vent post#ah yes. another restless nights sleep in a cold room bc i was too upset and sick to eat enough yesterday and my nightmares wonāt let up and#my heater isnāt enough to warm the room when itās this fucking cold outside. but itās fine bc i donāt think i deserve to be warmer anyway#i should get water but iāve been stuck laying here for an hour wondering if im racist and feeling like i should just. leave. or smthn. idk#i need a caregiver so thereās someone here to stop me from doomscrolling tumblr and reddit discourse for two hours before bed. lol#but ig no matter how careful i try to be thereāll always be part of me thats. unconsciously? racist? bc im white so its just part of me#idk im not educated enough to talk about it so i guess the real lesson to learn here is to keep my fucking mouth shut. which i can do!#i donāt. know how to apologize correctly. bc no one wants to hear me piss and moan abt my white guilt. if thatās what it even is#im too stupid to understand what to do or say and the more i type the worse it sounds so im just. sorry. i apologize for anything iāve said#or done. that wasnāt right or was insensitive or thoughtless or uneducated or. whatever else it is i rlly donāt know#i didnāt mean to use AAVE. i really didnāt know. so iāll go edit the tag where i used it but. thatās only one example. how many more am i#unaware of? how often do i put my foot in my mouth and not know it? im sorry. iāll try to do better#but thereās so much to be mindful of that i canāt keep track of it all and itās overwhelming me so i think i should just. be quiet.#āalways a fanfic writer at the scene of the crimeā i. didnāt know there was a connection between racism and fanfic. now im worried#was that just an easy jab to make bc itās cringe or is it actually problematic. why does it seem like theres smthn wrong w everything i do#anyways. i have to stop thinking abt it or im gonna anxiety vomit. i could go lay on the couch#it in the only warm room of the house but itās covered in dog hair and i hate the smell from the stupid fucking propane heater#it gives me a headache and makes me paranoid. why did he install gas heat when he couldāve gone with a heat pump. all he did was make#everything harder on everybody. so now we have dangerous gas heat in the winter and shitty mold-filled window ac units in the summer#when he couldāve installed a heat pump/ac unit combo thingy and we wouldāve been good to go. why is he like this.#YOURE A GODDAMN ELECTRICIAN. HAVE BEEN YOUR WHOLE LIFE. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. SO ACT LIKE IT.#im staying in bed. the rest of the house reeks of burnt plastic bc SOMEONE decided to take FOUR sedatives and drink a couple beers before#trying to use the stove to cook dinner :))) so now i have to figure out how to clean that up. i take back everything i said about winter#being my favorite season. this shit fucking sucks. thereās so much more to stress over and itās all so much more expensive and exhausting#i never want another dog or cat ever again after these two pass. im not the person i once was and i cannot care for them like i used to.#i canāt even care for myself. couldnāt if i Wanted to right now bc everything is frozen solid. canāt shower. canāt do any laundry.#just get to sit here filthy cold and miserable in the one clean-ish sweater i have left for ? days until temps get back above freezing#anyways thats enough bitching abt my first world problems. time to shut up and be grateful for what i Do have bc it could be a Lot worse
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literally every item except for the pkmn game š which, I should be clear, i am very very grateful for fjkdkl i was actually not expecting to receive more than two or three things, and the frying pan will be immensely useful djdkdl but aough there is a certain disappointment to the game not being one of the gifts fjdjkl
#part of me is like welllll maybe thats a sign that i shouldn't get the game#other part of me thinks maybe i can use the money that i might receive from relatives to get it but. i shouldn't. it should be for grocery#i AM happy and grateful to receive the other items on my list though i really really am fjdkdl#im excited abt the s.innoh gym badge pins !! going to put them on my bag as I acquire them in-game :]#i will match my sona ^-^#and the book is awesome and the scrub brush is useful and the crochet hook is excellent#so overall very good!!! just a tinge of disappointment abt the game but i rly shouldn't have gotten my hopes up fjfkdl#maybe i can use this as incentive to get my ass in gear to work on welfare application fjdkdl#but also maybe i just. shouldnt get the game. is it rly worth that much money that could go towards food instead ... idk š#and ofc i could emulate but for some reason i just dont rly want to do that fjdksl idk why#man. clasps hands behind me and looks out to sea.#also congrats to me again for keeping my mouth shut most of the time PHEW im getting better at keeping quiet#sorry this is such a greedy spoiled sounding vent fjdksl i just. there is a little bit of disappointment y'know? even if there shouldnt be!#trying to push it away bc i am glad for the other items fjdkdl and dont want to be a greedy ungrateful goober over a video game#dandy.cmd#vent //
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When proofreading the journal (on friday night) i commented on one slightly sexist and outdated term to be replaced by a neutral and more inclusive term. I've been having nightmares because of this
#like I'm sure no one is even gonna read my comments at all#i usually tend to get ignored#but in my mind my colleague/superior/ the journalist who wrote that article is now considering me his arch enemy#and i will be branded as the difficult female newbie who's incompetent but has the audacity to comment on his word choice#because this is journalism and the texts need to be a bit provocative but actually this term is obviously in no way negatively connotated#and he gets to choose the words for the texts he writes and i should shut my stupid mouth#and leave him alone#and obviously everyone is going to agree with him because who the fuck cares about gender equality or inclusive language#i simply have no idea how this business works and all the urologists will hate us if the texts are more carefully formulated#this has been on my mind since friday night so much that i was so close to go online again and delete the comment#but i keep thinking i shouldn't let my fear of being branded as difficult and petty prevent me from giving my opinion on this?#because it Is bothering me quite a bit and i simply made a suggestion. if he decides to call me out for it i can explain#my reasoning and tell him to ignore it of he doesn't like it. it's not my journal after all so i merely make suggestions#ugh i hate work#i also considered working another 2 hours today so tomorrow will go more smoothly but i don't wanna work on the weekend#i should set boundaries where i can or else I'll end up burned out again just like it was with university#i need to stop giving a fuck about work anyway#i don't get paid enough to care lol#void screams
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also also on tumblr user marinecorvid's official gs playlist We Are Young and Emperor's New Clothes directly correspond to the rainbow festival happening region-wide and a few days of there being no sign of the pinchers and ben and summer cautiously letting their guard down for a night and rand giving them official off-the-clock time to go drunkenly sing karaoke together and fuck around with the rest of oblivia's young adults... and then the IMMEDIATE hard cut to murph frantically phoning summer and ben at 9 in the morning because purple eyes is here and now everything is back to being FUCKED. moreso than it was before, really
#pokemon ranger#guardian signs#this also means in my head summer was hungover as SHIT going through the oblivian ruins#hanging onto suicune for dear life with one hand shoveling bread in her mouth n chugging water with the other#desperately trying to avoid claydol with the worst migraine known to man even 4 advil deep#purple eyes is doing his dramatic monologue and summer is just like Dude i am about to throw up on your shoes. shut up#genuinely amazed at her own self control at getting through that garchomp fight without being sick + coming out alive#i think someone being small and still being able to handle their liquor is funny but realistically#summer's 5 ft exactly and she doesn't sleep as much as she should and she's got the weirdest eating habits known to man. she's a lightweigh#she gets fucked up super easily she's just really good at keeping a poker face so no one knows how fucked up she is until she loses her#loses her balance or something and just slowly tips over with a dead facial expression into some bushes or something
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yeah okay my ocd is starting to make me constantly panic again. i might be taking a break from tumblr for a bit
#this isn't about anyone in particular much less anyone here#just general shit#i have never seen a website that treats not knowing as a cardinal sin#like i get it you can make the decision to not learn which is shitty but like#idk#i dont really wanna get into it#it's all irrational anyway. it's not anything really worth venting about#i'd probably just be doing more harm by talking about it than i would be by keeping my mouth shut like i always should
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AND SHE'S A FUCKING TRUMP VOTER
#<- needs to vent about hated coworker but has no one to vent to#everyone else here is so great and she just sucks asdggh#i mean i should have seen it coming#š save me good songs š i will keep my mouth shut and just keep working š save me good music š#rose rambles#delete later
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I'm so mad at my neighbors, like this lady is a neuropsyhologist, and I mentioned getting treatment by the public healthcare (and private) and being denied multiple times bc I either was "too normal" or had to go to a psych ward according to them. Her husband asked what my diagnosis was, I didn't want to say bc I had just met them, but got embarassed said the truth, I believe I have autism and have been diagnosed multiple times with bpd.
She procceded to undiagnose me, talking like I had nothing wrong with me, specially not autism since all adults she worked with who thought they had autism didn't, bc autistic people "don't have the same perception of themselves like us so a true autistic doesn't notice it" which is outdated bullshit. I ain't even need to go to doctors anymore for them to get one look at me and tell me I'm normal I just want attention.
#that was extremely unprofessional of her like I am already going throught a diagnosis process with a capacitated professional#she should have just kept her damn mouth shut#they announe happilly they are both ADD but I soon I tell what I think I am its like I said I think I am a unicorn#actually autistic#autism#actually bpd#bpd#doctors are so stupid when it comes to autism no one even bothers to keep themselves up to date#i remember a doctor who said borderline people were schizophrenic which is something that used to be true in the 70s#so he said I was bipolar and my problem was that I needed to have more sex.
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okay thats interesting! in the SF try-outs during the song "legally blonde" she sings about how she cant be legally blonde, while in the official version AND THE DEMO she sings about letting her be legally blonde. which means that at some point they changed the lyrics around, and then changed them back! laurence o'keefe.... nell benjamin.... what occurs in your twisted minds
#covers mouth sorry so sorry guys#im a huge fan of beacon of positivity + good boy (elle puts a leash on emmett confirmed) + love and war (not in the demo but part of SF)#+ i liked some of the lyrics in the demo version of so much better (it called back to beacon of positivity!!! (i am insane)) such as:#I dream of your name next to my own but mine's looking fine up there alone#but i greatly prefer all the official songs we got. well. maybe good boy over ireland wouldve been fun (i think ireland is boring)#but itd play into the 'all men are dogs hurr hurr' joke that im glad they avoided. anyways. what was i saying.#right i havent listened to every version of everything yet (for example theres a SF version of chip on my shoulder i need to watch)#(and just the SF vers in general. shes hidden from me... why was emmett there before the remix... let me see their conversation)#but from what i have heard they made a lot of changes that were sorely needed. in take it like a man demo shes so much meaner??#it made me sad. it wasnt a duet + they wrung out the romantic tension (no subtext by calvin klein... sigh) + shes meaner!!!!#in the bway vers hes baffled but enjoys going along w it + she genuinely likes him even when hes wearing his regular clothes#but in the demo vers she keeps calling him stuff like ugly duckling and talking about how the geek is gone :( but she likes that geek..#the lines 'how much do you think i earn??' and 'kindly shut up :)' are funny but speak to a dynamic between the two that makes me sad...#follow me for more beautiful opinions on a fifteen year old musical#(heaves. do you know weird it is to see comments from 15yrs ago when this was actually showing. my brother is fifteen.)#god im so sorry i should be put down like a dog#lgb bootleggers are intense. i swear they got a bootleg every night or smth bc we got her shoe flying off + SF + kyle as understudy etc#go watch a so much better compilation sometime how did they take so many bootlegs?? how did you find them??#and its awesome cause these were filmed on 2007/2008 tech which means they have 15 pixels maximum#SORRRRYYYYYYYYYY
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watched tbosas today. needless to say i am obsessed with the red uniform skirt and they should have been wearing those the whole movie. thank you.
#tbosas#much more to say about this movie but thats it for now#actually no lets TALK#they literally changed how the games end which is fine but like how is no one noticing#also um clemensia dropped in got bit and thats it?? bye bye? have fun?#also this annoying bitch in my grade said she hates sejanus in the movie but loves him in the book um please get his name out of your mouth#if you're gonna be speaking filth about my son#ugh#anyways um rachel ate#love how the movie can tell the whole story tho i *am* conflicted about my feelings on how fast paced it was#and then again not seeing his inner monologue is a problem but like it's a movie so idk#also ofc the vibe is different between parts 1 and 2 and part 3 idk why people dont like it i think its cool and like thats the point to se#his evolution#sejanus' death was horrible like i'm sorry the mockingjays reproducing his last cries for help are just.#anyhoo#i will not shut up ok let's keep going#ik that like ppl are simping for tom blyth and as u should tbh same but you COULD NOT CHANGE HIM OR FIX HIM IK ITS A JOKE BUT IT BOTHERS ME#SO MUCH#like ik it's being silly and goofy but it just rubs me the wrong way cause like its not true#also Tigris and Snow's story is so fucking sad kms#also TF WAS THAT MOMENT IN THE ARENA WHERE SEJANUS ALMOST KISSED CORYO WE ALL SAW IT OK#sejanus is not straight at all lmao he spent the whole movie batting eyelashes at coryo but ALSO i love the angst of the marcus x sejanus i#idea i made up#also coriolanus is so fucking goofy like bitch pls āmY oLd SeLf. I kIlLeD hIm To Be WiTh YoUā bestie sit down#ok rant over#yelenaposts#sejanus plinth
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