#I should get into the habit of leaving feedback in tags more often and being unhinged fr lol

[bookshelf-for-stuff-i-wanna-read]

My guy (gn) what do you mean this isn't good? This is damn beautifully crafted, giant word chunk aside (not to be rude; just that brain struggles with solid chunks)

"What kind of fool forgot their child in my woods?" The beast wondered out aloud. "I wasn't forgotten…" The child said weakly.

[haileygarciasunshine]

Widow Maker

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Fem!Ex-Widow!Reader

Written: I’ve actually been working on this for a few days lololololol someone help me. Writers block is a BITCH so is life lol.

Posted: July 12th, 2021

Warning: Some swears, Violence

Word Count: 1,605

Author's Note: Contains Spoilers (Ish? Idk) For Black Widow. Also, I made some cool ass spacers. Feel free to use them I just ask you tag me if you do!

Movie and TV Show Masterlist

Before Civil War.

“You do realize you aren’t the only one with a tragic past, right?” You questioned, feeling heat bubbling up inside, while you felt a flush feeling dancing along your cheeks.

Out of your peripheral vision, you were able to see Loki roll his eyes.

“If you keep rolling your eyes, they‘re going to get stuck up there.” You spat, turning around and leaning against the counter.

A chorus of ’Ooo’s’ sounded through the kitchen, followed by snickers.

Glancing up, you locked eyes with Natasha who in turn, raised a questioning eyebrow at you. Rolling your eyes, you scoffed silently to yourself. Without her verbally questioning, you knew she was asking why the sudden need to confront the Asgardian God.

Shaking your head, you pushed the fluttering feeling down that had begun bubbling up.

It was no secret that Loki was on his redemption tour. In fact, word around the office had been that all the females along with some men, had began fawning over him. Naturally, the sudden lustful gazes and sultry conversations had gone to his head.

Loki was quick to develop a sudden arrogance after he had found out the new chatter around him. Being with the Avengers since the beginning along with being a friend of Thor, you knew all the up’s and down’s that surrounded him. Keeping your opinion to yourself, you had been on his side since you could remember. However, with everyone on his bandwagon, you felt jealous bubble up inside.

“Does your head ever get tired of all the hot air that comes out of your mouth?” Loki shot back, earning a sharp elbow from Thor.

Snapping your head in his direction, you glared at him. “You know what? Fuck you.”

Frowning you furrowed your eyebrows together, before turning on the balls of your feet and storming out of the kitchen. Feeling tears welling up in yours, you rapidly made your way to your room. Just in time for the tears to begin cascading down your cheeks. Whenever Loki attacked someone, he knew their weaknesses and made sure to do the most damage. After a while, you situated yourself on your bed and letting sleep overwhelm you.

Jolting awake, your heart rapidly beated out of your chest as the sound of knocking on your door, captured your attention.

Gasping, you turned to face your door before steadily getting to your feet. Opening your door, your jaw fell slack as you stared at the person before you. Opening and closing your mouth a few times, you decided it would be better to step aside and allow them in.

Loki stood awkwardly in the middle of your room. His hands firm by his side. Shutting the door, you leaned against it as you stared at Loki with disbelief. Neither of you wanted to be the first to break the silence.

Standing before you, he glanced around your room, seemly taking in your belongings. Clearing his throat, he turned around to face you.

”I… I uh…” His voice trailed off as he began his light blueberry eyes capturing Y/E/C ones. As you gazed at each other, you were able to see an underlying emotion, that you weren’t sure he was able to express until now.

Coming to your senses, you felt your walls hold steadily as you began fearing letting them down.

”If…If you’ve come here to apologize..” Your voice trailed off. Gazing down at your hands, you began picking at your cuticle bed. One of your many habits you had. “Save it.”

Dropping his gaze to his feet, his head hung low. The air began holding silent cries that neither would feel. Lost words that would never be spoken. All emotion evaporing into nothingness.

“I think you should go.” You mumbled at Loki. Not daring to glance at him, you rushed towards the bathroom before shutting the door without another word. Putting the toilet seat down, you perched yourself on it. Placing your elbows on your knees, you lowered your head into your hands. Tears began welling up in yours at your loss of emotions.

——

After Civil War. Cue Black Widow Era, also cue spoilers.

”Nat.” You hissed as you stood before Natasha.

Responding with hum she placed the phone she had just been talking into on the ledge. Glancing around she subtly slide it off the ledge and into the water.

”Natasha!” You demanded.

”What!” She grumbled.

“Why do you insist on taunting them?”

Scoffing, she rolled her eyes. “The same reason, you and reindeer games keep dancing around your feelings for one another.” She shrugged.

”We don’t have feelings for-“

Cutting you off she let out a humorless chuckle. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Letting your jaw hang open slightly, any argument you had thought of, instantly dying in your throat. Scrunching your eyebrows together you were at a loss for words.

”We…We don’t like each other.” Your attempted to argue.

”Right.” She spoke in disbelief. Turning to gaze at the mountains, you heard her mumbled something in Russian under her breath.

”What-“

”If that’s true,” Natasha turned her attention back towards you. “Then why is he here?”

Reflecting on her question, you were able to respond when you sensed a presence approaching you from behind. Turning on your heels, you faced the perpetrator.

”Hello, love.” Loki greeted, his eyes sparkling as he spoke. A grin making it’s way to his lips.

A fluttering feeling bubbled inside your stomach. Your palms rapidly growing damp. Without much thought, you propelled yourself into his arms. Your arms wrapping around his shoulders gently yanking him into you. It wasn’t long before you felt a rumble in his chest from his chuckling. Loki wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you closer than normal. He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, catching the scent of your shampoo that he longed to smell again.

”It’s been too long.”

Moving to pull away, Loki tightened his arms preventing from the slight distance between you. “That it has.” You responded with a nod.

After the events of that night in your room, Loki had gone above and beyond to prove he was worthy of your forgiveness. After awhile his attempts at forgiveness, lead to a blossom in friendship.

”How is space?” You questioned after he reluctantly allowed you to pull away.

”Space…Space is good.” He spoke nodding his head.

Grinning at him, you couldn’t stop thinking that it was all a dream. One that was sweet, the kind that you don’t want to wake up from because it seems too good to be true, especially because it usually is.

“What are you doing here?” You regretted asking as soon as you spoke.

”I…” His voice trailed off as he seemed to reflect on the question.

Cutting him off, Natasha made her way beside you both. “We have to go.” She spoke, her voice holding back a slight panic that you could see bubbling up behind her strong demeanor.

Snapping your head in Loki’s direction you were about to saying your goodbye, when she cut you off.

”All of us.”

Nodding your head, you ahout to question her when she cut you off once again.

”No time. Come on!”

——

After finding Yelena, the four of you set off on a venture to search for their so called, mother and father. Both girls held twenty years worth of anger and bitterness, especially aimed at each other.

Yelena was the helicopter pilot for the mission, while Natasha was the muscle and brains. More often than not settling in the shot gun rider seat. Thus, leaving you and Loki alone in the back.

Sitting side by side, you were jostled together before you were thrown against his side.

Sending you a grin, he silently let you know he didn’t much mind the non existent proximity between you. Neither of you spoke much on the flight, however you often witnessed the cringeworthy interaction between Alexei and both girls.

——

After arriving at Melina’s little farm, you had begun to feel awkward. There was a sense of family as well as anger. Rightfully so, both girls had been subjected to torture and used as weapons forgoing most of their lives.

Standing idly in the kitchen, Natasha appeared beside you. Jumping at her sudden presence you placed a hand over your heart.

”Geez, Nat! Don’t do that!“ You cautioned. “You scared me!”

Natasha giggled at your reaction. After the moment quickly died down, she mirrored your stance of leaning against the counters.

Nudging your shoulder with hers, she had a smirk plastered upon the seams of her lips.

”Do you believe me now?”

Tilting your head, you gazed at her with question. “About?”

Rolling her eyes, she let out a groan. “About Loki sharing the feelings you have for him.”

Scoffing you shook your head. “I don’t really need a monologue on that.”

“Seems to me that you do.”

Standing together, you allowed a blanket of silence to overwhelm you.

”You should give him a chance.” She muttered quietly.

If it hadn’t been eerily quiet in the kitchen, you wouldn’t have heard her.

“I…What?” You gasped.

“Don’t make me say it.” She moaned.

“Say what?”

Letting out a defeated sigh, she shook her head. “I think he’s a good guy.”

”What do you-“

Before you had the chance to question her, Loki rushed into the kitchen. His eyes filled with bewilderment. He came off frazzled.

”Are you okay?” You questioned suddenly forgetting about the question you had partially spoke to Natasha.

”They’re here-“

Luminescent lights from outside suddenly shone inside. Turning to face the lights, you and Natasha held a startling gaze.

Something you hadn’t felt since reclaiming your freedom from the Widow program washed over you. Judging by Natasha‘s features that seemed to be mirroring yours, you knew she had the same feeling.

Fear.

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[elendiliel]

Friends and Foes

I should find a proper name for this crossover AU, if only for tagging purposes... (Suggestions, and feedback in general, are never unwelcome.)

---

“Scrap,” Arcee cursed. “That might make things more difficult.”

Glitch was more than a little inclined to agree with her. The two femmes were surveying yet another Vehicon fossil hunt from a crevice in a rock formation some way above the dig, just big enough for the small, agile two-wheelers. That was the fact that the hunt was being supervised in person – for once – by the Decepticon second-in-command, Starscream, who was bad news in any reality.

“What’s your version like?” ‘Cee asked to pass the time as both ‘bots made a more thorough assessment of their situation.

“A bit less dangerous and a lot more colourful, but otherwise pretty similar. Treacherous, devious and too clever by three-quarters – often too clever for his own good. Whenever he’s in play, there are at least three sides to any conflict.” Glitch had never met her universe’s Starscream, but the rest of her team had, all too often.

“Sounds about right.” ‘Cee wasn’t paying much attention; her focus kept swinging back to the silver flier ordering his troops about. Glitch knew why, and that she couldn’t let her friend become too focused on that target. It was a good thing she was never short of distractions.

“A while back, he cloned himself in another attempt to take Megatron offline, but ended up with five aspects of his own personality to wrangle. A coward, an egomaniac, a pathological liar, a sycophant and a female.”

Arcee turned to stare at the younger ‘bot in disbelief – then clamped a servo over her speech synthesiser to stifle a fit of giggles. Mission accomplished, Glitch thought as the tension left her teammate’s frame (for the moment); laughter was a sovereign remedy for anger as well as fear.

If only her own problems were that easy to solve. She’d hidden it from ‘Cee – she hoped – but that day was shaping up to be a Bad Day for her, and the capital letters were merited. Her processor was killing her, her frame felt like so many cables and springs under almost too much tension and every small sensory input drove her further up the wall. Back in Detroit, her team would have seen the signs by then. Her training with Optimus, Jazz and Ratchet would have been adjusted – not cancelled, as a real enemy wouldn’t care what sort of day she was having, but altered to be constructive but not overwhelming – Elita would have left her alone and Bee would have been far quieter than usual, and maybe even offered to take her shift on monitor duty, his least favourite chore (especially since Optimus had put his ped down about using the alternate monitor for combat training, i.e. playing video games on the television). With luck and care, she could get through her patrols and other duties without incident.

But Team Prime didn’t officially know about that (although one could never be sure with Prime himself; being paired with laconic Arcee, rather than a chatty sports car or noisy Wrecker, might not have been a coincidence). Glitch hadn’t told them more than necessary about her… differences. That was probably hypocritical of her, after the audialful she’d given Prime on a similar subject, but old habits died hard. For centuries, she had had to pretend to be normal as best she could just to get where she felt she was meant to be, fighting through every Bad Day for as long as she could without breaking down. The “cog in a machine” mindset that was common on her Cybertron affected even those who, like her, considered it so much bauxite, and a cog that didn’t turn as it should was usually thrown away. Optimus had given her a chance to leave that system behind, but on finding herself transported to a strange new universe she had automatically fallen back on what she knew, whether or not that was a good idea.

“Female? Seriously?” ‘Cee asked once she could get herself back under control, drawing Glitch out of her thoughts, not a moment too soon.

“Deadly. Almost literally, worse luck. Slipstream’s the most dangerous of the lot. Gave me this.” The smaller fembot indicated the scar on her chestplate, right beside her spark chamber. “Well, half of it. Ambushed Bee and me; I saw her first, so I was the one she pinned to a wall. Had to pull myself free to protect him.” Two digits traced the band of yellow, interrupted by a black stripe, around her right wrist. She’d need to touch it up soon; it was starting to wear away. “Bee kept me online long enough for our Ratchet to get there and stabilise me. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be here.”

Arcee’s optics, which had been following Glitch’s servo, flicked up to her face and studied it for a moment. “Your Bumblebee – he’s not just your partner, is he?”

“No.” Glitch hadn’t wanted to discuss that topic too much with most of the team, especially the younger mechs, but ‘Cee was different. She’d understand, and wouldn’t tease.

“Bonded?” Another good thing about ‘Cee – she didn’t dance around the subject, but got straight to the point.

“Not yet, or engaged, but it’s a case of when, not if, I think. If he asked, I’d say yes in a sparkbeat, and as far as I can tell he feels the same way, but the time just – hasn’t been right yet.” And might never be.

Arcee smiled, but there was grief in her optics. “You’re lucky. Some ‘bots never find that special person. Whether you and your Bee do get bonded or not… hold on to him.” Her optics returned to Starscream as her expression hardened. “I’ve lost two partners now, and I don’t want you even to lose one.”

“I know.” Glitch had been fully briefed on ‘Cee’s recent history. “Which is why you’re not going anywhere near Starscream on my watch. I’ll pull medic rank on mental health grounds if I must. There’s needing closure and then there’s wanting revenge, and I’m pretty sure I know the difference.”

“What do you know about that?” The sudden anger in her friend’s tone was like a slap across the audial, but Glitch didn’t take it personally. She knew its real targets – Airachnid and Starscream. “When have you ever wanted to hurt someone as much as they hurt you?”

“Not recently, but I know a mech who has.” At least Arcee was still listening. “He was framed for espionage. Spent centuries in the cyber-stockade. Escaped and went after the ‘bot who reported him, not knowing that they’d both been set up. Tried to get even, but just made enemies of the only Autobots who knew he was innocent, other than the real spy. Eventually, he was so desperate for revenge that he let himself be used in an experiment that turned him into a techno-organic. There’s nothing wrong with being half-organic, but the transformation is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, even when it doesn’t end in a transwarp explosion.” She tilted her head as a thought struck her, and raced out of her synth before she could catch it. “Actually, one could say Wasp was my worst enemy back in boot camp. Resident bully, worse than Sentinel. At least drill sergeants are meant to be something like that.”

‘Cee stared at her again, then shook her head. “You’re unbelievable. First you go soft on Knock Out.”

“That’s not how he saw it.” In point of fact, the ‘Con medic had tried to kill the field-tech when she invaded his mind, despite the facts that he’d just done the same thing to her via cortical psychic patch and she hadn’t done anything but try to comfort him, realising that he was still grieving for his own partner. Glitch had filled Team Prime in on everything that had happened while she was in Decepticon servos, both for her own sake and to avoid anyone – especially a certain blue and yellow sports car – making up their own version of events.

Arcee carried on regardless. “Then you expect me to sympathise with a bully. And the craziest part is, it’s working.”

“Glad to hear it.” Glitch returned her attention to the scene below them. “I’ll draw Screamer away; you go after the bone. Sound like a plan?” It did – though Arcee agreed to it on one condition.

A few cycles later, as the silver Seeker commander wandered away from the tedious grubbing in the dirt he was expected to supervise (but not do, thank Primus), he caught sight of a distinctive bronze Earth motorcycle, the alt-mode of that new Autobot, trying to sneak around to the dig site. Even he couldn’t use his jet mode with so many rocks in the way, and by the time a Vehicon got there she’d have disappeared again, so he gave chase himself on foot (the terrain wasn’t ideal for her alt either), cornering her in a small box canyon. She transformed and activated her magnetic weapons, but didn’t have time to use them before his missile struck her in the chestplate.

And passed straight through, exploding against the rock wall behind her. Starscream had to shield his face from flying shards of stone, which hadn’t touched the accursed Autobot. Her wrists were bare - apart from a strip of yellow paint – but still… “Phase displacement armour?”

“No, hologram,” Glitch said, standing just behind him. She’d had that hologram projector for months, having inherited it from her predecessor Prowl, but had only used it to simulate a human rider or show movies – until recently. After her capture and rescue, she had started figuring out how to use it to create decoys, as Prowl had. It was remarkably intuitive, and extremely versatile. A copy of herself had been easy to make and control.

As Starscream spun round to face her, her laser scalpel sliced his other missile clean off his arm (the uneven terrain could be made to work in her favour); it clattered to the canyon floor, and was crushed under her ped before he could retrieve it. Vile thing. “Should have gone for the null-ray, or a sonic cannon. No need to reload after two shots.”

“Oh, they weren’t my only weapon.” Starscream’s razor-sharp claws swiped at Glitch’s neck, but she ducked the blow without really thinking. His actions were as loud as his voice to her, and much more truthful than his words. Her computational ability could give her a crucial advantage in combat – she could calculate, with a fair degree of accuracy, her opponent’s next move, often in plenty of time to block and counter it, and so fast and instinctively that it felt like an extension of her senses, as though she were “hearing” their intentions. Some people could “lie” – feint – very well; her sensei Jazz, straight as a spirit level in conversation, was an excellent liar in combat, when he “spoke” at all. Starscream, though, for all his deceptive ways, told the truth through his body language. And couldn’t shut up in either sense. “And I’m sure your friend Arcee told you how much I hate two-wheelers.”

“She did.” Glitch blocked an attempt to stab her in the chest, countering with a punch to the under-protected side of Starscream’s abdomen. “On the other hand, I’m none too fond of arrogant Decepticons without a shred of backstrut who can’t stop talking to save their sparks, so I suppose it balances out.”

“I’m surprised – what the spark was that?” “That” was a rapid-fire combination of kicks and punches that had left Starscream somewhat dented (he’d only intercepted a couple of strikes) and Glitch’s servos only a little more scuffed.

“Metallikato Sigma. I should’ve warned you, I trained under a cyber-ninja, as well as Sentinel Prime.”

“He’s still alive in your universe, then?” Blast. He knew where she was from, then. And she couldn’t use that line any more. Pity. It had been nice while it lasted. “As I was saying, I’m surprised she isn’t here, considering that I killed her partner.” He was altogether too pleased with himself about that.

“Which is exactly why I kept her away from you. For her sake, not yours. By the way, your counterpart was responsible for the death of Optimus Prime, so I’d say you’ve got some catching up to do.” The shocked look on his face was unsettlingly satisfying to see.

For the nanoklik before his previous anger returned. “Oh, do I? Well, I’d better start – with you!” She had made the mistake of taking her optics off him for just too long; three of his claws raked her left forearm, leaving three deep cuts from the servo-joint down to her shield, which they almost tore clean off. She managed to pull away before he could take one of her most useful mods, and her arm was still functional, but the cuts were sparking badly and hurt. He’d have been asking for it on a normal day, let alone a Bad Day.

For a few frantic cycles, she kept the upper servo as he struggled to adjust to her shifting from “calm and defensive” to “furious and half-feral”, but it quickly became clear that she had been right to keep ‘Cee away from him; despite having little to no history with the Decepticon SIC, too often her own rage led to carelessness that could have been fatal, as rash attacks left vital areas unguarded for almost too long. Pretty soon, they were back to stalemate; Glitch had acquired a few more superficial scrapes, while the tip of one of the spikes on Starscream’s knees had been sliced clean off, among other injuries – which didn’t hinder him nearly enough.

Commander Starscream! One of the Vehicons ‘Cee was fighting – the two Autobots had open comm lines to each other, so Glitch knew her friend was doing well – had finally managed to call his superior officer, not quite distracting him as he resisted his opponent’s attempt at a judo-style throw. We’re under attack by the Autobot Arcee. She’s destroyed the Predacon fossil. What are your orders, Commander?

“Retreat, you fool!” Starscream’s self-preservation instinct was strong in any universe, and he sometimes knew a lost cause when he saw one. “That Autobot isn’t going to be beaten by the likes of you. Transform and rise up, or whatever the stupid phrase is.” He took his own advice, shoving Glitch to the rock-strewn ground, shifting into a jet and soaring unsteadily away. The field-tech probably couldn’t have stopped him even had she not had other problems at that moment.

***

What’s he done to her? When Arcee finally tracked down her teammate – thank the Allspark the ground wasn’t all rock; tyre prints showed up well on grass and earth – she had curled up into a tight ball, eyes closed and hands pressed to her audials as though she were trying to shut out everything, and was rocking backwards and forwards slightly – completely out of character for the normally fierce, brave femme. If Starscream had caused that, he would pay.

Knowing the damage those hands could do, Arcee tried to pull them away from her friend’s head, but Glitch recoiled as though she’d been struck. “Don’t! – sorry.” Each word made her flinch, as though even the sound of her own voice was too much.

As gently as she could, Arcee asked, “What – how can I help?” She realised at the last moment that “what can I do to help?” was the wrong question. Sometimes, helping someone didn’t require doing anything – quite the reverse.

She was right. “Just – be.” Be there, Arcee filled in. “It’ll pass.” So Glitch had been expecting this. Which meant it wasn’t entirely Screamer’s fault.

She waited patiently with her comrade as seemingly endless minutes slipped by and the younger ‘bot slowly calmed herself and gradually uncurled – until, without warning, she practically threw herself at Arcee, wrapping her slender arms around her friend in an almost armour-denting hug. Arcee returned it, as for whatever reason Glitch now seemed to need to be touched and held, until the tiny medibot wriggled free to sit on the ground beside the taller warrior, looking much happier than she had all day.

“Better?” Arcee enquired.

“Much.” She sounded better, certainly. “Sorry you had to see that. It hasn’t been that bad for a long time.”

“That’s happened to you before?” Arcee had deduced that earlier, of course, but wanted to double-check. “So it wasn’t anything Starscream did?”

“Not exactly, and yes, now and then. My processor’s wired differently from most. Usually the main downside to that is only a bit of a problem with social things, optic contact, expressions and so on, but some days even simple tasks need all my focus, if I can do them at all – executive dysfunction, humans call it, I think. And some days, that happens.” Arcee waited again while Glitch lined her next thoughts up; without her realising it, that had become second nature. “There – isn’t much of a filter between my sensors and my CPU, and at times it breaks down completely and everything just becomes too much. I know the warning signs, and usually I can take it easy and get away with it – maybe space out for a bit, but that’s all. Today, though, I had to go on this mission and I had to fight Starscream. Result – worst meltdown in stellar-cycles. Worth it, I’d say.”

Arcee wasn’t so sure – though Starscream had been sent packing with his tailfin metaphorically between his legs, which might not have happened had Arcee, still furious with the ‘Con over her partner’s death, gone after him instead. She also decided to shelve her friend’s deeper issues until they could discuss them with Prime and Ratchet; they would know what to do about them. Besides, she was curious about something she’d heard over the comm. “Did your Starscream really kill your Optimus?”

“Technically, for the minute or two it took Sari to use the Allspark Key and the Allspark itself to revive him. He and Starscream were playing tug-of-war over the Allspark high above Detroit, and it got fed up and threw them both off. Damaged their systems, and Optimus fell pretty hard onto tarmac. Screamer, lucky beggar, ended up in the forest nearby – much softer landing – but stuck in stasis-lock, until a human girl found him.” Glitch’s familiar silly grin lit up her face for the first time that day. “He persuaded her to reboot his systems, but she insisted on fixing him up first – with makeup and a pink wig.” Arcee couldn’t help but burst out laughing, the image was so ridiculous – though another idea soon sobered her up. “I imagine he didn’t take that well.”

“He didn’t, but she countered his threats by promising to broadcast a picture of him “fixed up” all around the world, and possibly the galaxy, if he harmed her. Professor Princess might be about half Raf’s age, but she’s not to be taken lightly.” (Professor Princess? Half Raf’s age? The more Arcee heard about Glitch’s universe, the more bizarre it seemed.) Glitch tilted her head as another thought struck her. “I wonder when he found out she’d decorated his wings with rainbows?”

That, of course, set them both off again, dissipating any remaining tension nicely. Even when Arcee finally noticed the still-sparking cuts on Glitch’s arm, and insisted on calling for a groundbridge right away so that Ratchet could fix them, the two friends shared a good mood that no foe, however deadly, could altogether destroy.

[quillsanddaydreams]

false promises

sirius black x reader

—author’s note: this idea was something that came to me before writing a paper and it just struck with me since. Sirius and you have a long history you can never get over. What happens when you finally get an opportunity to leave it all behind?

—warning(s): breakup and angst. gender neutral!reader (pronouns aren’t used).

—word count: 1,702

The sky was quickly turning black as you watched the streets the bus passed through. Today had been a whirlwind of emotions you weren’t sure you could contain. You had looked through old photographs, happy faces smiling back at you. They seem to make you feel worse, although you knew you had to do what you had planned for the day. Rip the band aid. Taking a deep breath, you stepped out and walked into the restaurant.

Your gaze immediately went over to him, his smile lighting up the room. Sirius. No other name could do him justice. James had an arm around him, enthusiastically telling the company something. Remus noticed you first. He gave a huge grin, waving at you. Forcing yourself to smile back at him, you made your way over to the table.

“Aha there you are!” James exclaimed, his eyes twinkling. “And here we thought you wouldn’t show up to a meeting you called.”

You rolled your eyes playfully while your heart constricted. Delaying worked only for so long. Sitting down beside Remus, you flipped open the menu avoiding everyone’s eyes. Especially the grey ones. He could always read you like an open book.

“So, did you all find anything interesting?” you said, scanning the menu like you had done a hundred times before. The group hummed in response.

Calling in the waitress, you gave your orders. You wondered whether any of them would continue some small talk, holding a glass of water to your lips. How were you even supposed to tell them? Sirius nudged you with his feet, making you look up at him. He raised his eyebrows wordlessly questioning you whether you were alright. Nodding carefully, you tried your best to hold your emotions in. Quiet followed, you could hear the cutlery being kept and people around your table chatting. It was as if everyone was anticipating a shoe to drop. Black spoke first.

“I know you like treating us and all,” he started as others leaned in. “But what’s the occasion for today? You’ve been so secretive about it; you didn’t even tell me.”

Your throat felt dry even though you just had some water. All of a sudden you felt as if you were exposed. Mulling over your next words, you pushed your nails into the palm of your hand. A habit you picked up as a child.

“I got a huge job offer, more of a promotion to be honest,” you began, watching their reactions. “The salary is quite something and the experience would step me up to a much higher position.”

“Whoa, that is so amazing” James said with widened eyes, cutting you off. Remus nodded along.

“And the way you were acting, we were afraid you were going to deliver a death sentence or something.”

“That is so great, congratulations!”

“It’s in Japan,” you whispered but no one seemed to hear you.

“You’ve been working so hard everyday—“

“We have to get ice-cream later!”

“It’s in japan!” you shouted, making the table fall silent again. Remus bit his lip, searching your face as Sirius just stared.

“It’s a five-year program,” you continued. “I talked to my boss and she told me this was a brilliant opportunity and that I should definitely pack up my bags.”

“You seriously aren’t considering to take up on that, are you?” James asked. Your jaw felt heavy. The silence must have been an enough answer, because no one dared to speak. Remus cleared his throat.

“Is this what you want?” he hushed as you felt tears prick your eyes. It wasn’t what you wanted; it was what you needed. You sneaked a glance at Sirius, who was still looking at you, dumbfounded.

You nodded slowly. James fidgeted.

“So this is your way of saying goodbye?” James remarked, a tad bit agitatedly.

“James—”

“Don’t James me!” he said, narrowing his eyes at you. “You’re talented. I know that, you know that. You can do without this program. And it’s in Japan for goodness’ sake! It’s miles away. Miles! Going there for five whole years means not looking back.”

“There are ways to communicate,” you said, your voice small. Even you didn’t believe that. James sat back, his arms folded.

“I hate you so much right now,” Remus said, picking at his napkin. You put your hand over his, squeezing slightly. He sighed. Sirius got up all of a sudden. You flinched. He turned to the group giving a random excuse about some work and left the table. Looking down at your hands, you heard the restaurant door close with a thud. Tears fell down your cheeks and you furiously wiped them off.

The rest of the dinner went in a strange calm. It was obvious to both James and Remus that you were just as much hurt as them. James gave you a small smile and helped brighten the mood at the table. Remus reassured you ever so often. You were grateful.

-♡♡♡-

Sirius didn’t contact you after that night. He was angry. Angry at you, angry for what you planned for yourself. It hurt you, more than you could care to admit. This playing around on your tip toes had been going for far too long. You knew your breakup with Sirius had been mutual, for both your goods but you didn’t have it in you to sit back and watch him fall into arms of people that weren’t you. Not anymore. Not when you still loved him. And you knew Sirius did too, it was how he still went out of his way to make you smile, how he loathed every single person you dated after him unable to realise that none of them could compare to him. None of them could compare to how he made you feel.

It left you to wonder at times whether the breakup was really the right decision. You reminded yourself that it was whenever the thought came up. Both of you wanted different things. Sirius never wanted to settle down and you did. After months of fighting and waiting for the other to give in to the other or come to a compromise, you realised it wasn’t going to work. You sighed. What were you doing reminiscing either way?

You checked all your bags and papers before putting on the coat ready to face the inevitable. Driving to the edge of the lake, you stopped and walked into the old abandoned warehouse. The grey walls didn’t seem haunting anymore, but inviting like an old friend. You smiled seeing a similar figure standing over the old table watching the ceiling.

“How did you find me?” he whispered, not sparing you a glance.

“I just felt the stench of complete and utter disappointment in me and followed it,” you jested but sobered seeing the look on Sirius’s face. You moved towards him slowly, gently placing a hand on his cheek cradling his face.

“Hey,” you whispered. He looked at you, his dark eyes making you lose yourself in them. “Don’t do this Sirius. You know I wouldn’t be able to leave you like this.”

“Then don’t leave,” he said simply. “I know you’re not doing it for yourself. You’re just running away.”

“You’re running away from me,” he hushed. You felt your mouth go dry. So he did know. There was no use beating about the bush, Sirius hated when people twisted up words.

“Well I am.”

“Why?”

“Why? You know why,” you pleaded. “Sirius I’ve been in love with you since I was a child. A child. We’ve been best friends all my life. Then we dated for five whole years. And now we don’t. I can’t be your ex and your friend simultaneously anymore, it’s been torture. Do you know how it feels knowing we’ll never be the same anymore? Just how much it hurts?”

“Do you think I feel good about it?” Sirius raised his voice, frustration from all those months pouring in. “Do you think I feel good about never being able to hold you close and see other men and women do it?”

“So maybe the job will do good to both of us,” you said after a beat.

“I did not say that—”

“Sirius—”

“No I didn’t. I’ll do anything for you. Give me another chance, just don’t go away,” Sirius said and you felt helpless. Sirius took your hands, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. Tears pricked your eyes. You could remember all the time you spent with him together. Riding his bike to the sunset, singing and dancing nonsensically to songs, him kissing you softly telling you he loved you. The memories flashed before your eyes like a film reel. You could barely see anything through the salty tears welling up.

“That wouldn’t do justice to either of us,” you said after some time, your voice barely audible. “Some things aren’t meant to be. We’ll fight again Sirius, we’ll be angry at each other and we’ll end up hating each other more every day. And I won’t be able to live with myself knowing I spoiled the best relationship I ever had.”

Sirius gulped, breaking into sobs.

“Damn you,” he croaked. “Damn you for going away. Damn you for making me lose you all over again. As if it wasn’t painful enough the first time.”

You laughed through snuffles and squeezed his hand.

“You’ll never lose me. You’ll never get rid of me even if you tried—” you stopped as Sirius crashed his lips into yours, kissing you urgently. You pulled him closer by his shirt, as one of his hands went at your waist and the other held your face. Pulling away in a daze you sniffed and Sirius buried his face in your neck hugging you. Time seemed to pass by as neither of you pulled away.

“I guess I really can’t make you stay, can I?” he said as you shook your head, wrapping your arms around his body. “I’ll miss you. And I’ll show up at your door myself if you don’t answer my letters. Promise me you’ll keep in touch.”

You pulled back, wiping his face with your fingers.

“I promise.”

—as for the taglist: I don’t make taglists, I have a blog @from-my-quill which is updated whenever I post fanfiction. You could have the notifications on for it and it will work just like me tagging you.

⟨⟨REBLOGS AND FEEDBACK ARE APPRECIATED⟩⟩

[sleepylixie]

I Hate to Admit

College! AU Bang Chan X fem! reader

Imperium Universe || Jisung || Seungmin || Chan 

2k (I’m so sorry), fluffiest fluff 

Request? Yes! Hope you like this, Anon!! Apologies about getting a wee bit carried away. >.<

Warnings: None!

A/N: I liked writing this, even though it’s waayyyy longer than I expected it to be oops. This is an extension of the same universe as this Jisung fic and this Seungmin fic, but you can definitely read this as a standalone! Do let me know what you think about this fic, I’d love to hear feedback!! ONTO THE FIC :D

Requests are open for SKZ and BTS! || Masterlist

The skate park right outside your campus was always an interesting sight. There were always a lot of people around, enjoying themselves on the gentle slopes and plateaus. You were always mystified by the way the skateboarders could so easily throw themselves into the air, seemingly unafraid of taking a tumble to the concrete floor.

You’d pass by the skate park thrice a week in the early evening, on your way to a part-time shift at Imperium- the closest bar to your university. Your shifts ran late sometimes, bordering on midnight when you’d step out of Imperium’s back door.

More often than not, you’d encounter the same lone figure in the skatepark on your way back- an average-sized, lean figure who had a way with the skateboard that you’d never seen anybody have before. The first time you spotted him, you stopped and watched for a few moments as he made his way up the slopes like it was nothing at all- he was that good.

Skateboarding wasn’t your thing as much as people watching- there were so many interesting people in the world, so many different kinds of personalities that you couldn’t get enough. You would write them into stories of back-alley romance, tales of rippling fantasy and chronicles of traitorous woe,  reveling in the way your worlds and characters built themselves up along the plot.

It became an unconscious habit, seeing the boy(it seemed like a boy, judging from his impeccably built shoulders and a penchant for extremely sleeveless muscle tops.) on your way back from your late bartending shifts.

He was curious, you decided. Who only visited the skate park when it was at it’s emptiest despite being so good? Did he not like attention? Was he shy? You made a mental note to try and talk to him one day- you weren’t hesitant with your curiosities. Someday, when you weren’t bogged down by your already numerous Works in progress and university, you would approach him and find out more about this midnight skateboarder.

But as it turned out, you didn’t have to wait too long.

//

“Y/N! Where were you, it’s almost 1 a.m!” Your sorority sister Chaeyoung sat up on her bed as you walked into your shared room. Her short blonde hair fluttered around her face as she slipped off the bed, bounding towards you. “I had a longer shift than normal, Imperium was weirdly full.” You responded, pulling your bag off your shoulder.

“Alpha Phi Alpha is throwing another rager. Do you want in?”

That’s when you heard it. You’d been so absorbed in the music from your own earphones that you didn’t even noticed the deep bass thumping through the air, the muffled cheers and screams of enjoyment. Of course there was a party going on, it was a Friday night.

Life next to a fraternity house wasn’t the most peaceful, but you didn’t mind it. Your sorority, Delta Kappa, was housed right next to the Alpha Phi Alpha frat house, close enough to share a fenced wall.

The Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity was the most sought after fraternity on campus; acceptance meant instant skyrocketing of social worth. It was all extremely cliché: the best frat on campus, filled with the smartest, most attractive guys, throwing the most memorable parties and yet maintaining their stellar record of being good at pretty much everything.

“Sure, why not? I have some energy to let off.” You smile, throwing open your shared wardrobe. Chae’s eyes shone wickedly, she was sold by the idea of any kind of party. “Are any of the other sisters coming??”

“Jennie, Lia and Yeri already left. I thought I’ll wait around for you.”

“How nice of you, Chae,” You huff out another laugh as you held out an outfit for her to see. “Ooh, I like it. Now hurry up, right?”

“Okay, okay!!”

20 minutes later, you were walking into your next-door frat house with Chae, already warmed by the electric vibe. “Y/N!!! You’re here!!”  There he was-tall, blonde and devastatingly handsome. Also seemingly tipsy, by the looks of it. Hwang Hyunjin was one of your closest friends, but he had a hard time handling his liquor, even though he would stoutly disagree when sober.

“What took you so long?” He slurred slightly, slinging an arm around you and giving you a tight, alcohol-smelling hug. “Unlike some of you, I have a job, Hyunin,” You quipped, returning his embrace and pecking his cheek- your usual greeting.

“Whatever, you’re here now.” He scoffed and ruffled your hair. “ We just made some new additions to the frat, you should come and meet them.”

“Sure, why not?” So Hyunjin took your hand and led you through the throngs of partying people. Soon enough, you stepped onto the roof of the frat house, a fairly clean space for being set up by a troupe of boys. Fairy lights left the people on the terrace bathed in soft yellow lights, a rather aesthetic sight.

There were around a handful of people lounging around on the couches and carpets, but Hyunjin led you to a particular group of people nearest to the railing, laughing and talking in a circle. You knew he had a gang of friends from all over the campus that just seemed to have an inexplicable pull towards each other.

You knew some of them by appearance from other ragers- music major Jisung with the cheeky smile, law student Seungmin with the puppy-eyes and an acidic tongue, Changbin with his almost flawlessly built body (you always paused for a second to admire his physique) and Minho, the guy who for some ominous reason always had bruised knuckles.

“Y/N! Hey!” Jeongin exclaimed, eyes brightening up in an endearing smile. “Hey Innie,” you grinned, happy to see another familiar face in the junior from the same major as you. “Yes yes hello and all that, Innie,” Hyunjin rolled his eyes, ignoring the look of mock offense he got from Jeongin. “I brought Y/N to meet Chan, coz he’s new to the frat, and my favorite sorority girl should be the first to know about the new fish.”

He threw an arm out, pointing to one of the guys leaning against the railing of the terrace, all smiles and black hair. You extended your own smile towards him, already giving him a casual once over- He wasn’t too tall, with impeccably built shoulders in a muscle top….wait. The question was out of your mouth before you could stop it.

“Are you the weirdo that goes skateboarding at midnight?”

A pause rippled across everybody in the circle, the smile on Chan’s face reducing to an incredulous splutter as Jisung choked on a giggle- that did it. All of the guys dissolved into peals of laughter, loud and unrestrained.

“Sorry about that,” You said, letting out an embarrassed sigh as you stepped around the circle to get closer to Chan. “I’ve seen you in the skate park when I’m getting back after work.”

He shrugged, his handsome features still splashed with sheepishness. “It’s fine, it was just a matter of time, I guess.” Over the laughter, you could hear how smooth his voice was, like melting chocolate.

“If it counts for anything, I thought you’re really good at it.” You weren’t the beat around the bush with your words. “You made it look so easy.”

A light blush reddened his ears as he grinned at the compliment. “Thanks.. Y/N, was it?”

You spent the rest of the night with the boys, caught in easy banter- but particularly, you got to know Chan. He had been living off campus until he’d decided to apply for the fraternities on a whim, ending up with an acceptance to Alpha phi Alpha. He was a business major, with a creative minor in music producing- just like Changbin. He was a natural extrovert, effortless with conversation and people skills, a man married to his work-to the point that he regularly lost sleep over it. He was also a bit of a dork, you noticed, with his random bursts of exaggerated hand movements and lame jokes.

The sun was beginning to rise when you decided to get back home. “It was nice getting to know you, Channie,” you grinned, pulling him into an easy hug and pecking his cheek.

“Likewise, Y/N.” He smiled his captivating smile at you, before walking you to the frat house door. “Before I go, what do you say about exchanging numbers?” You asked. He was a good sort, the kind of guy who’d make a really good friend. Why not?

Chan agreed amicably and sent you off with promises to catch up soon, leaving you feeling light and happy.

To your surprise, he ended up dropping by your sorority the very next morning, asking if you were up for waffles at a nearby café. You happened to be awake at the time and decided to tag along with him- even though it was 6 in the morning.

“The guys refuse to wake up early and join me,” he complained, holed up in the café with plates of waffles and orange juice in front of you. “Chan, be honest,” You chuckled. “The only reason we’re awake at ass o’ clock is because both of us can’t sleep to save our lives.” He rolled his eyes in amusement. “Stop wise cracking and get on eating, Y/N.”

That café run cemented your day-old friendship into one of peaceful camaraderie, a safe space for each other within the chaos of your friend circles.

//

Winter melted slowly into spring, bringing tidings of new beginnings, assignment and semester exams and subsequently, end of semester parties. As always, Alpha phi Alpha was throwing a rager of a party that was expected to be the best all semester.  Your entire sorority had received invitations and were all excited to drown out the stress of exams week. You, on the other hand, were also thinking about something else. Someone, rather-Chan.

You and Chan had only grown close over the course of the past months,  gradually bonding over ungodly morning cafe runs, late night texts between breaks and video calls asking for outfit opinions.

You frequented the frat house more often, a fact that Hyunjin rejoiced (and teased you relentlessly) over. Chaeyoung only gazed at you with a suggestive look in her eyes when you slipped into the room at 2 a.m in the morning with one of Chan’s many black hoodies hanging off your shoulders. What, it was winter, it was cold on your way back from Imperium and he offered! Chan, to his credit, seemed to be just as invested in this newly growing friendship as you were. He walked you back from Imperium whenever he was at the skatepark, invited you on his midnight skate runs,  even almost breaking his arm trying to teach you how to balance on his skateboard.

It was an outlet for his energy, he explained one day. Sometimes working on music or going on a run didn’t give him the same sense of calm that skateboarding did. It wasn’t about the attention for him- with Chan, it almost never was. Not surprisingly, you liked that about him.  You liked Chan, for all his insomniac, stress skateboarding, black hoodie hoarding self.

The party was already in full swing when you and Chaeyoung knocked on the main door. One of the frat boys you didn’t know opened the door, smirking at you before yelling over his shoulder. “Yo, Chan, your girl’s here!”

Your eyes widened, exchanging an amused glance with Chae, who was openly laughing at your expression. Chan’s girl? Not that you hated the sound of that.. But you were just a friend- a friend who had a crush on him.. Right??

Chan hurried to the door that very instant, shoo-ing his frat brother off. “Sorry about that,” he murmured , exchanging hugs and cheek kisses with you and Chae. “To the usual spot?” he grinned, comically offering you his arm.

“Of course, my dearest,” you gushed, the two of you bursting into a fit of giggles as you linked your arm with his, allowing Chan to steer you towards the staircase leading up to the terrace. Once on the rooftop, you were met with a familiar sight- 7 boys giggling and talking amongst themselves in a loose circle near the railing. “Chan, don’t hog all of Y/N’s attention, she’s here for the party, you know?” Jisung called out the second he spotted the two of you heading towards them.

Amidst a gale of laughter, Chan frowned indignantly, opening his mouth to give Jisung a tongue lashing before you broke in, a sly smile stamped across your own face. “Who says I’d mind it??”

A chaotic chorus of 7 male voices responding to you had you laughing aloud, scanning Chan’s face for any discomfort. But he only had flaming ears, shifty eyes,  and a shy smile trained on you- a smile that shifted from shy to teasing in split seconds.

“If that’s the case, then I’m stealing Y/N for the night, you guys!” He declared, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the door the two of you had just walked through. “Chan, what are you doing?” You breathed out in amusement, not pulling your hand away. Your heart was beating out of your chest at everything going on, especially with Chan’s warm hand enclosing yours and the way he’d just smiled at you-

“Something I’ve wanted to do for a while now,” Chan’s voice was exactly as you knew it, smooth, warm melted chocolate. “Come with me to the skatepark. Just for a while.” Who were you to say no to that voice?

//

Chaeyoung opened the door to the sorority early next morning, squawking in laughter when she saw who stood in front of her. You in Chan’s hoodie, your hand in his, your lipstick staining the side of Chan’s jaw and the kicker- you hugging Chan, quickly landing a soft kiss on his lips before skipping into the house.

Chaeyoung could only look at the adoring look on Chan’s face as you disappeared into the house and close the door, laughing quietly.  Ah, young love. 

[marvelousell]

The Agreement (Part 14.)

Pairing(s): frat boy!fwb!Tom x reader, frat boy!Harrison x reader

Summary: Tom is a typical frat boy, his love for partying, drinks and girls are bigger than his ego. Y/N is a whole different dimension, she keeps her circle small, and even though she knows her best friend Tom is a total douche, she can’t say no to the little deal that was sealed between the two of them

Word count: 4.3k

A/N: Well I’m back with a new part! Sooo after this part there will be probably 1-2 more chapters before the ending. Thank you once again for the love and beautiful feedback:)

Warnings: SMUT 18+, oral (f receiving), fingering, swearing, angst

Add yourself to my tag list || Masterlist

< Previous Part

“Need your help.”

Tom was out of breath, his cheeks flushed, and he seemed nervous? Yeah, definitely nervous.

“I’m having History in 10, make it quick.” You sigh, not wanting to talk with Tom right now. Probably the images of him and Evelyn couldn’t let you be all jolly and sweet as always, and they sure didn’t let you read your book in peace before being interrupted.

“Could you like come to my frat after your lectures?” Tom tried to avoid the real reason why he needed you there, he wasn’t sure either about all of it but he thought that maybe this was a chance for a new and fresh start.

“Your frat? Why?” Tom didn’t prefer you spending time together there, you both enjoyed the silent and warm atmosphere in your apartment. You weren’t a fan of his frat as well, you didn’t want to be marked as one of his one night adventures by the others so the question brought you off guard.

“You’re honest and the boys wouldn’t help much with this, I need you to help me get ready.” His jaw tensed, he was admiring your hair that was sticking out everywhere and how you still adored to read in your free time. It was the small things he loved about you that others didn’t possess or didn’t do. Is that maybe why his heart made a little flip while talking to Evelyn? Because you both were almost the same? He hoped not.

“You’re giving me everything I don’t need to know.” You chuckled at the lost, nervous rambling Tom that people never saw because he kept his true personality hidden.

“I will totally understand if you can’t..”

“Tom.” You stood up, eyes on his brown ones that tried so hard not to avoid yours.

“I have a date tonight.” Tom’s voice was almost a whisper, he didn’t want to rub it in your face and he probably came off as a dick, unintentionally now. That night he wanted to respond to your feelings, he wanted to spill everything out, he even typed the response a few times but something was always blocking him to send it.

“That’s great.” Your voice didn’t show any emotions. You swallowed hard, afraid of your own mind and voice after his statement. Most of your time today was spent thinking how would you approach him and start the conversation about the emotions that were bottled up inside. However Tom’s words were loud and clear for you, he didn’t want to talk nor have anything with you, and that’s how things should be from now on.

“Is it? I mean it’s my first real date? You know I’m a bit stupid about these things so your help would be great love.”

Love, love, love.

You will never get tired of that pet name, rolling off his tongue so perfectly. Now you were thinking how the pet name won’t be yours only.

“Sure, your frat?” You asked once again like you weren’t listening in the first place, bringing your book closer to your chest.

“Yeah, don’t mind the boys they are jerks.” Tom smiled brightly, hugging you tightly to say thanks. His heart fluttered when he felt your arms resting on his back. The warmth that was coming from your body didn’t let him break the hug, it felt right, so right to hold you like this. Tom always loved how your whole body was shielded by his arms, your scent calming his nerves every time you were in his embrace. His fingertips would caress your hair tenderly, you were the only one who he showed some kind of affection but he always thought that it was just a best friend thing to do.

“Six?” Tom asked, unwrapping his arms from your body scared he won’t be able to let go if you stayed like that a minute more.

“Six.”

Words seemed so foreign at that moment, it was so strenuous to say anything more at that point. Tom made his decision, it was time for you to respect it. You tried, both of you tried, tried to keep your silly deal, tried to balance it with other things and tried to mend the pieces. You succeeded in something and maybe it’s time to accept how you’re both better off as friends like before. You were delighted how his true nature came to the surface. At least he isn’t into his old habits, it was his chance to turn his life into something he needed and deserved, Evelyn could give him that.

And Harrison could give what you needed too.

Tom could feel his stomach turn upside down after he started to talk to Evelyn today. She was a bit sceptical, not sure why he was talking to her in the first place. Tom was fine with that, it will take time for people to finally believe him he wasn’t that guy anymore. A selfish, egocentric dick that only uses girls for his own pleasure. No one would buy that shit that he changed overnight, but it was the truth and he wanted to prove it, especially to you. If only all of this happened a few months before, if only his best friend wasn’t in the picture he wouldn’t even hesitate to make sweet love to you after your confession. But that was only an if that sounded too good to be true.

-

“Y/N, hello.” The green eyes were basically undressing your comfy clothes that you wore too often lately.

“Ben.” You greeted back politely, hoping he would get lost as soon as you enter his frat. Every guy in Tom’s frat was a pompous ass, the only thing that mattered to them was a good one night shag, nothing else. They were smart, sweet talkers, they knew how to get a girl wrapped around their fingers and it was sometimes disturbing to even watch it.

“What brings this beauty to our frat?” He followed your figure inside, almost attaching himself to your hip.

“Need to help Tom out with some stuff.”

The whistles and claps were roaring through the big space, everyone’s eyes on you. Everyone’s except the ones you needed right now.

“Holy fuck, Tom’s not stopping isn’t he? Man, didn’t think you liked guys like him Y/N you’re a big surprise.” The blonde one spoke, sending you a wink that was anything but comfortable. All of them had a reputation, something that they got from Tom. He was like an idol to him, they always looked up to him.

“I have a boyfriend.” Nothing but whistles again.

“You do? What a shame babe, you’re gorgeous.” Ben didn’t stop, no one did and you still couldn’t believe how girls found that attractive.

“Leave her alone guys.” Tom’s voice interrupted their almost monologue, signalling you to come with him.

“No worries Tom, she is all yours our lips are sealed boss.” They smirked playfully, thinking how you were another one that will be tossed out in a few hours.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, embarrassed how he was one of them a few days ago. It was a novelty to see a girl so uncomfortable around them, every other would be throwing themself on his frat mates instantly after they began flirting. That’s why you were special and always will be.

“It’s fine, nothing I haven’t seen before.” You chuckled as you both entered his room that was different from the previous time you were here. It was much tidier, clothes weren’t sprawled out on the floor and his bed looked clean.

“I am so nervous and also don’t you dare to tell them that I am freaking out because of this.” He warned you jokingly, making you smile widely but not honestly like you would always when he joked with you.

“I don’t even know them and they don’t know what a talk is if it’s not flirting.” You followed his movements, how his palms were going up and down his hair anxiously. He took a deep breath before turning his gaze towards you. Everything about tonight was making him feel sick, but in a good way. Tom hoped he won’t block in front of Evelyn and make a fool of himself, he was exhilarated about the date, he knew that Evelyn would see the best in him just like you did but he couldn’t stop the sadness in him, he wanted his first date to be with you. Tom wanted to do everything he didn’t before with you first.

“Tom?” Your angelic voice woke him up, your body near his. His face went pale, offering you a shaky smile hoping you didn’t ask him a question while he was zoned out.

You were so beautiful and your pink lips were irresistible he just wanted to feel them on his for a second.

“You didn’t listen at all. You’re smitten already.” Your voice thick, jealous how he was truly excited about the girl he was going out with.

“S-Sorry, no, no I was thinking about something.” Tom tried to explain himself, but he still didn’t know why because you both agreed to stop whatever was between you in the past.

“No it’s fine. Happened to me a lot when I had my first date with Harrison so it’s all good you’re just nervous and don’t want to listen to anybody.” You needed to bring Harrison in this, if Tom wanted to show you how you were completely done than maybe you should start acting like it. After all it wouldn’t be fair not to be happy for your best friend even if you didn’t work out.

“Yeah I am a bit lost here but I am ready.” His statement came off unsure, he was still questioning it.

“So while you daydreamed lover boy I already got you your combination.”

“You did?” Can you be more amazing? He thought to himself, looking at your proud face while you shoved the clothes in his hands. But he didn’t realise how his thoughts were actually heard.

“Thanks, I could try.” You gave him a shy grin, lowering your gaze towards the red carpet that imitated your cheeks in that moment.

“Thank you love.” His figure disappeared behind the bathroom door, leaving you alone in the room he always imagined about in high school. His walls were full of pictures and trophies. Tom always felt a sentimental attachment to everything, memories were a important thing to him. Just like the picture of you and him from prom. The day was crystal clear in your mind and even if you didn’t go with him it was the most memorable event from high school. You intentionally wanted him to take you on that stupid dance but Elena was the better choice for him after all. Both of you were posing near the decorated wall in the hallway, his arm around your hip and your head resting on his chest. You weren’t a fan of taking pictures but his whines and goofy smile coaxed you into taking one with him.

“Please love. Just one, for my future wall.”

“You and your future wall, bet you have tons of things to pin up, this one will be so dull near the other stuff.” You laughed together in the empty hallway, still not knowing how and who will take the picture.

“I promise this one will be the biggest one. Please sweetheart, for your favourite person here.” The small pout on his face and pleads made your heart melt. You wanted to have at least one picture from this night and if it can be with Tom you definitely won’t say no.

“God fine, just one.” You raised your eyebrows, trying to look serious but his grin from ear to ear made you chuckle like crazy.

Tom wanted to drag someone here to take the picture but he also wanted you to be a bit relaxed, so he will do it himself. The camera was placed on the small glass where the school trophies were held looking right at you two.

“Great, now come here.” He rushed back, grabbing your sides and bringing you close to him. Your head was near his heart that was beating rhythmically, and your palm flush against his chest. Tom’s hand took yours, his eyes lowered down to look at your warm ones.

“See, not that bad.” He didn’t want to force you to look at the camera, he wanted you relaxed and not stiffened.

“You better make this one the largest on that wall.”

“Will do my love.” Tom promised, grabbing the device, before guiding you both back to the room full of people.

And he really kept his promise, the picture on the wall was the most noticeable one.

You were already tired, so tired from this. You didn’t want to be the bad friend, you loved him since you were little and you wanted Tom to be happy but you just couldn’t help it.

“This is brilliant, I knew you would help me like always.” Tom spoke, but your eyes never left the picture that was hanging on his wall.

Tom saw your small smile and emotions in your eyes that were fixed on the wall. His eyes landed on the memory he still loved to remember every now and then.

“I still can’t believe it that you took a picture after I pleaded and pleaded for the whole night.” He breathed out a titter, his hot breath hitting the nape of your neck sending chills down your spine.

“You really put it on your wall.” You said, voice almost cracking from the emotions that were mixed up inside of you.

“I told you I would make it the biggest one here love.” Your body turned to his, your eyes finally meeting. He was looking better than ever. Absolutely breathtaking. Evelyn just hit the jackpot.

“Y-You look wonderful. Told you that it will look great on you.” You forced a smile, admiring his figure and the bright smile on his face.

“Thank you, I owe you Y/N.”

Your heart was beating rapidly, his hands were on your back brushing it slowly in circles. Tom was secretly debating everything, should he follow his heart or mind? As much as his heart says you, it also says let her be happy.

“It’s nothing Tom. Hope you have the best night with Evelyn, you deserve it.” You tried to offer him the most genuine smile, but your lips just curved into a wretched one. Eyes were starting to burn from the tears that began to form and the lack of eye contact was killing you just like it was killing Tom.

“You know that I love you.” Tom swallowed the lump in his throat, looking at your face that got reddish almost instantly when the words slipped past his lips. His lips were dry, he wanted to bring you closer, kiss you continuously until your lips were swollen. Still he knew that things didn’t work like that. Everyone was right, the arrogance and cockiness didn’t give him what he wanted, he was actually paying that stupid price for his behaviour.

“I know.” You couldn’t say it back, it felt like your vocal cords were tied and completely blocked. Tom was waiting, but he understood how though it was for the both of you.

“Call me when you get home, tell me how it went.” Your throat was burning more and more after every word, you didn’t want to ruin his night so you needed to get yourself together.

“Of course, you’re the first one who will know the details.”

“You will have a great night, she is wonderful don’t mess it up.”

“I won’t.” What kind of a coward is he, he wanted to end this right now, but why was his body so tense like he couldn’t move at all to grab your body that was getting closer to the door.

“I will see you then?”

“Yeah, thank you.” He clenched his jaw and shut his eyes immediately after he heard the door close. Tom cursed quietly, running his fingers through the brown locks while he exhaled from the frustration.

He was stupid, he knew that. You were honest with him, you wanted him and now he blew it all.

-

“You seem a bit off today?” Your voice interrupted the silence that started to be a bit awkward between you and Harrison. He was usually full of energy, always around you, but today he was totally zoned out.

“Hm? Sorry, it’s just college and stuff.” College and stuff. Was it though? It looked like he had a lot on his plate today, and you were curious about it.

“You sure? Nothing else?”

“Nothing else.” Harrison was awfully silent and being nosy wasn’t you so dropping it would be the best.

Harrison hated how he was acting now, it reminded him of the times when Emily was off most of their time. Emily.

Emily, Emily, Emily.

She was the main reason for everything that was going on. She didn’t let him breathe normally after that party, her voice and face was everywhere haunting him non stop. Harrison was fighting with himself, he realised how stupid he was for even agreeing to that coffee and for agreeing again to meet her. He had you, you were someone that made him believe in the love that seemed so complicated because of others. You were always here, your presence was like a ray of sunshine to him. The guilt was eating him alive even if he didn’t do anything with Em, but it was eating him because he knew how he would feel if you did the same.

Hey, busy?

His phone lit up, the phone number he recognised very well made his whole body shift in his seat. Harrison was panicking, looking at you that was far away from him, trying to focus on whatever show was playing on the television.

I’m with my girlfriend now.

This should be enough to stop the texting shouldn’t it? God, why was he even responding?

Sorry for bothering, I will text you later.

He didn’t respond, the event from a few hours ago was repeating in his head. When did he become a guy like that? Things like this wouldn’t even cross his mind, and yet Emily was playing with him like he was a toy.

“Are you listening to me?” Your small voice that was full of concern ringed in his ears. You were an angel, he would be a complete idiot to mess what he has with you.

“Sorry.” He rubbed his eyes, ashamed how he was thinking about a girl that was like a nightmare to him a few months ago while the girl of his dreams was right next to him.

“I asked you if you wanted something?” Tom and Harrison were too much, you wanted to have a chill night in Harrison’s arms, trying to forget everything but they both ruined it.

“No, thanks.” His answer was dry, so dry that it made you afraid. What if he also got bored with you?

“Is everything alright?” You tried again, tried to look at his face to get anything from him but he was too hard to read.

“It’s nothing honestly.” Bullshit.

You didn’t have the will nor strength to get him to confess whatever’s been bothering him. You were just tired, aching for some hands to hold you and give you the love you needed.

Harrison sighed, staring at your disappointed face that got lost in the kitchen. He was acting like a jerk, he knew how the feeling of someone ignoring you was appalling and now he was doing it to his girl. There wasn’t an excuse for his behaviour, and there shouldn’t even be one in the first place. His actions were a mistake, you were the one he wanted not someone who swore on his life to give him infinite love and yet left him heartbroken and alone.

Harrison’s eyes were following your steps, how you still brought him a drink even when he was acting incoherently. His arms sneaked around your waist after you put the drinks on the table making you squeal from the sudden touch.

“Harrison.” You whined as his lips pressed a chaste kiss on your cheek, hands still around your sides.

“I’m sorry.” Harrison mumbled against your neck, voice almost brittle. He didn’t want you to find out about anything, maybe it was the wrong decision but he didn’t want you to think how his behaviour could change because of her immediately. He will end it all.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not, you are my girlfriend, my rock and me ignoring you completely was a shit move. I was just stressing about things and I’m sorry.” Harrison’s fingertips disappeared underneath your shirt, fondling the soft skin while he tried to be as close as he could to you. You didn’t respond, your body just moved closer to his, hiding your face into his neck pecking it occasionally. Harrison’s breathing got heavier, your warm lips burned on his sweet spot while his fingers went higher.

“Let me make it up to you.” The pad of his thumb ran over your nipple, earning a breathy mouth from you. You sucked in a breath as his lips ghosted over your throat going towards the jawline before smashing his lips with your pink ones.

“Let me make it all about you now sweetheart. About you only.” Kisses were sloppy and full of lust, your hand flying up to the nape of his neck gripping it gently, signalling him to continue his actions and do more.

Your lips curved into a smile as you watched his hands travel down to your heat, caressing your skin gently during it.

“God you’re always so good for me I’m such an idiot.” Harrison spoke in between kisses that were left on your lower abdomen making your back arch and stomach tingle from the sensation. His face was much lower, hands around your inner thighs spreading you open for him.

“You’re my girl.” The dominant voice was a novelty but it was still full of love. His movements were painfully slow, he wanted to take his time to remember every moment he had with you.

“Always ready for me. Beautiful.” He praised, placing a kiss on your glistening core that was convulsing around nothing.

“Fuck, please make me feel good.” Your head was thrown back from the pleasure, hands placed on the couch for a second.

“Love to hear you ask nicely, you’re a dream Y/N.” His mouth attached on your outer lips, spreading the arousal all around your pussy.

“Shit, shit don’t stop.” You whined as his lips found your clit, sucking on it harshly. Your hands flew directly to his hair tugging it to encourage him to continue what he was doing. Harrison kept his mouth on your throbbing clit, inserting two fingers inside of you to give you the maximum pleasure. Pleasant shivers went down your spine when you felt him murmur against your pussy.

“So sweet.” Harrison could do this for so long, your tight walls and sweet juices made him harder instantly. You were all wet and dripping on his face for him, your walls squeezing around his fingers as he pushed them in and out of you.

“Be still for me baby.” The free hand pinned you down to the couch while the other found your clit that ached for some attention after he removed his mouth. Your cries and moans were like a melody, he always wanted to hear how you were feeling.

Harrison could feel your walls clenching harder around his fingers, he wanted you to fall apart around his fingers while his mouth was wrapped around your pulsing bundle of nerves.

You here?

She again. He didn’t want this. He won’t mess up this amazing moment. She was a no one.

“S-So close, please Haz, more. I-I can’t.” The grip on his hair got tighter and the smug grin on his face got bigger.

“Come on gorgeous, let me feel you cum on my face, look at me while you cum.” His words were driving you towards the edge, your lips were parted and eyes fixed on his while his mouth worked on your release.

“Oh F-Fuck.” The amount of love and pleasure was unreal, he ignored your whimpers flicking his tongue faster to make you cum. A loud groan escaped from your throat, as the bubble inside you bursted like a bomb. You came hard all around his face, riding a wave of euphoria. Your eyes were still on his, you could feel him smile against your core.

“Fucking hell, you are the sweetest thing ever.” He breathed out a chuckle, kissing your sensitive clit one more time before grabbing your face to kiss you.

You could taste yourself on his tongue that massaged yours gently, this was just what you needed.

“Thank you.” You whispered, wrapping your hand around his wrist.

“No, thank you. I’m sorry and I love you.” Harrison was honest. You, your sweet moans and skin were what he needed, nobody else. This needed to stop. Emily was his past and you’re his future.

“Always remember that my love. You’re my priority and you always will be.” Harrison’s meant that, he truly loved you and he couldn’t even imagine how losing you would be.

However he wasn’t the only one that realised how having you in his life was the most important thing. Tom realised how much his heart ached for you tonight, how much he loved you. He realised it right after he couldn’t kiss Evelyn on the end of their night.

“W-Would you like to repeat this night again?” Tom didn’t know if the stuttering was because he had a good time with her or because you occupied his mind.

“I would love to.” However Tom wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure about anything anymore. But he was somehow sure about those strong feelings he couldn’t hide any longer.

-

Tag List

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[narumi-gens]

hi!! so i just started writing fanfics, and i was just wondering -- how do you deal w/ numbers and the whole posting online thing? while i know that i should be writing for fun and stuff (bc it is!) and that im literally JUST starting out, BUT i just.. im someone who really heavily relies on validation, and when people don't really respond to my works well (or at all), i kinda just.. feel bad ): idk.. do u have any tips?

🥺 You came to me for advice on this, anon? 🥺 Thank you so much! I’m more than happy to pass on what I’ve learned and help out a new writer. I’ve been reading/writing fanfics on-and-off in some form or another for like ten years, but especially over the last four and am happy to share some tips. There are five main things that I think can help grow your follower count and the amount of feedback you get:

Don’t feel bad about wanting validation.

Consider the platforms where you post.

Write for active fandoms and popular characters.

Post frequently.

Interact with other authors.

This got rather long so I have more info under the cut about each of these. 

1. Don’t feel bad about wanting validation.

There’s this dumb trap that we all fall into as writers that tells us that validation isn’t important and that what matters most is our love of writing. While I enjoy writing, if my stuff got no notes and no feedback then I would definitely have gotten discouraged and quit writing awhile ago. Why would I put all that effort into something if no one seems to appreciate it? There’s nothing bad about wanting people to let you know they like your writing! I get so happy when I see someone left a comment on one of my fics or went crazy in the tags or sent me an ask. And when something doesn’t get any feedback, I get depressed about it and second guess whether I should have bothered writing it. So, definitely try not to get caught up feeling bad because you want people to tell you that they liked your work. 💕

2. Consider the platforms where you post.

I only use AO3 and Tumblr, so I can’t speak to any other platforms, but posting my writing on both of these are widely different experiences. Part of the culture of AO3 is giving kudos and leaving comments, so you’re more likely to get feedback there than anywhere else. I slowly built a following on Tumblr because of my AO3, even when I wasn’t posting anything on Tumblr itself. I would really recommend checking out AO3 if you’re not already on there! You do need to request an invitation, but it only took me a couple of days to receive one. I also have 8 invitations that I haven’t sent out, so DM me if you want one and I can give you one! 

I’m sure you’ve already seen posts about this, but the unfortunate thing about writing on Tumblr is that the feedback is absolutely minuscule and I’m not sure why. There’s this awful culture on this platform of people only liking content and not reblogging it to make sure it gets shared with other users. So, you end up really reliant on your own followers and the tagging system for your works to reach people. And the tagging system is a mixed bag. Sometimes your posts don’t show up in the tags or they will but only after a couple of days. If your post gets enough notes then it might go to the top of the search feed but then only for a few days at most. 

As a sidenote to readers, this is why reblogging is so important! Even if you only have five followers or don’t leave a comment, just reblogging it means a lot to content creators!

Here are some of the tips I have for the mechanics of Tumblr:

Use the tagging system, as imperfect as it is. I think Tumblr now reads the first 20 tags in your post, so use that to your benefit. I usually always tag at least: [character name]; [character name x reader]; [fandom]; [fandom x reader]. You can always also try things like: [character name genre], [fandom genre], [fandom fanfic], [character fanfic] as well.

Make sure your blog is easy to navigate and have a masterlist that’s easy to find. If a reader sees your content on their dash and decides to check out your other works, if they can’t find them on your blog then they’ll probably just leave.

Self-reblog as much as you feel you need to for your followers who may have missed your post. I self-reblog a lot for new content over the first couple of days and then even will do a few icymi self-reblogs later as well. It also helps to have a list in your profile somewhere of your recent updates so people can easily see if they’ve missed something. 

3. Write for active fandoms and for popular characters.

This might seem like common sense, but I think it’s something to keep in mind if you want to grow your follower count and your chances of getting feedback. And there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing a fic over another just because you want more feedback. I actually really want to write something for Chainsaw Man but the fandom is so small compared to the other fandoms I write for that I’m putting it on hold until the anime comes out. 

That’s not to discourage you from writing for characters or fandoms that are less popular -- I have a bad habit of writing for niche characters and fandoms. But I always see my activity spike when I write for more popular characters. Another tip is to try and figure out which characters people are thirsting over but where there’s a lack of fics for them. You’ll also find that some characters or fandoms just have louder fans than others. The stuff I’ve written for Gojo has gotten a lot of likes and notes, but not so many comments or much feedback. But the amount of asks and thirsts I’ve gotten for Naoya is wild. This is something you’ll learn over time as you keep writing!

4. Post frequently. 

This one is annoying because writers have lives and real-world responsibilities and we can’t just write 24/7. But when you’re trying to build a following, even if you can do a couple of short drabbles a week, you’ll really start to see your follower count and feedback grow. I’m not sure if people tend to like longer or shorter fics more, but overall people are just hungry for content and if you can give it to them on a frequent or at least regular basis then they’re more likely to interact, especially if you’re taking requests. 

But don’t prioritize writing and posting content at the cost of your own well-being. As authors we’re all guilty of this at one time or another, but your followers will understand if you have writer’s block or you need to take a step back! Taking care of yourself is more important than getting feedback or interaction. ❤️

5. Interact with other authors. 

Building relationships with other authors is a big one, but it’s also probably the hardest because a lot of us (me included!) are just so shy about reaching out! It’s like asking someone on a date or trying to be friends with someone you really admire. I know it’s scary to come off of anon (I still sometimes send asks on anon!), but authors recognize the names we see often in our notes and in our inboxes and we’re all really nice, I promise! 🥰 And I’m much more likely to read the fics of my mutuals and the people I follow than I am to be searching through the tags.

And I think there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to an author you love and politely asking if they’ll read your work. I think it’s totally okay to send something like, “I really love your writing and wanted to know if it’s alright if I share this fic I just posted with you? I’ve seen you thirsting over [character] and think you might like it if you have the time to read it!” The worst they can do is turn you down. I would never be upset over getting an ask like that as long as it was polite and the person was understanding that I might not have time to read their fic. But, I know that this is really scary to ask of someone. I’ve only done it once or twice, so maybe I don’t have any ground to stand on here, but I really think you should try it even if you need to send the ask on anon first.

Please just be mindful of an author’s rules before reaching out.

Another added bonus is that authors are more likely to reblog and give you feedback on the stuff you write because we’re in the exact same boat as you! We’re the perfect audience. 

And don’t forget...

Growing your follower count and reaching the level of feedback you want takes time. If you’re just starting out, don’t get discouraged. The more you write, the better you get so even if you’re not getting the feedback you want now, that doesn’t meant that you never will! 

And of course, pay it back in kind. Just how you want people to interact with your fics, we want the same. I always try to leave comments on the fics I read on AO3 and always reblog the fics I like on Tumblr and try to go wild in the tags so that the author knows that I loved their works. 

I hope you found all of this useful, anon! Best of luck with your writing! 💕

[softguks]

author + fic recs

below are a list of writers and my my fav fics of theirs, pls give them some love!! don’t forget to REBLOG, SEND A MESSAGE, OR LEAVE FEEDBACK. sometimes leaving a like isn’t quite enough, so leave a small comment telling them how much you loved it! it really makes their day.

@sketchguk TERESA, uGH my lovie, my world, my moon, my stars, the cause of my euphoria, my queen, the angel from the heavens. she is an incredible writer, and i’ve read all of her works probably thirty million times. they’re sweet, amazing, and definite must-reads! READ HER ENTIRE MASTERLIST, it’s worth it i promise 🥺

-> kiss the girl; worth the wait; lover to lean on; 10 muses

@sleepyjhs​ violet??? omg, her reactions, drabbles, and writings are so soft and lovely!! pls give her a read, send her some love, reblog her amazing works, and leave come comments! she’s such a sweet angel, and her blog is beautiful (so aesthetically pleasing)

@gukyi GUYI!! guys, this is a no-brainer. i’m sure you’ve read her fics, if not, go give her a read. her fics are absolutely amazing, incredible, and every positive word in the world. the amount of talent she pours into each piece of writing is incredible and phenomenal, she is literally one of the most talented writers on here. go send her some love if you haven’t already!

-> the millionaire & his lover; raspberry truffles; the courtship chronicles; if i told you; the underwear thief; the coffee shop contract

@jamaisjoons hi i love solaris, she owns my heart. anyways, she is a pretty-well known blog in my opinion, and totally deserves it! her writings are amazing, incredible, and i love them so much. her banners are super cute like her too 🥺 she’s the sweetest person, her fics are some of my go-to rereads and my all-time favorites. pls go flood her inbox with love, she’s an incredible angel.

-> faded love; the sea & the storm; love alive

@honeymoonjin​ guys sora is the most beautiful soul on here 🥺 i love her fics so much, they bring out the ugly tears, the soft feelings, the uwu hours, and emotions i didn’t know i had. i’ve read her entire masterlist probably a billion times because of how talented she is, like skskksksksk?? i don’t understand. go bombard her with love, adoration, and feedback for her lovely fics. she writes them so well, and they’re also hilarious to read!!

-> florezco; anpanman

@jungshookz​ CEE!! omg i love all of her fics. each and every single one of them is absolutely incredible. i love the style of her writing, i love the hilarious interactions, the tropes, and everything about her fics. she is one of my all-time favorite blogs that i’ve come across, please send her lots of love if you haven’t already!! she is so so talented and incredible, make sure to check out her drabbles and tags!! it’s always hilarious and so much fun to read her fics -- i cackle like a witCH--

-> cowabunga baby; caramel macchiato; gymrat jungkook; beneath the water; suit & tie; soccer coach jungkook; yoga instructor jungkook; ta! jimin; ballet teacher jimin (OMG MY FAV)

@junqkook hi yara is bomb guys. yara’s fics are oh-so-incredible and she’s one of the first blogs i came across in this fandom!! there’s something about the way she writes, the way her words seem to flow together so perfectly that’s incredible. really and truly, she is one of the sweetest people on here and is very very very talented. go give her some love. btw her banners for her fics and her navigation is super cute uwu.

-> rottenfolk; the young wolf; into the woods (series); la douleur exquise

@httpjeon DAISYYY, she’s amazing and i love her. anyways, daisy is the QUEEN of cute banners and headers. she’s so talented and everything on her masterlist is a masterpiece. the way she writes is so beautiful and her stories are amazing!! the detail, the *cough* smut *cough*, the descriptive scenes, and the characters are incredible! gold! amazing! wonderful! i’ve run out of words to describe how lovely they are, but please give her some (re)reads and reblogs!

-> bunny blues (series); lovebug; sehebon; club ardor (series)

@kinktae rosyyyyy is one of the sweetest people on here and im totally here for her friendship with daisy + nora + yara uw. they’re best friend goals. anyways, her fics are like watching movies. they are so detailed and well-written that it plays in your head. you can imagine each scene playing out as you read and they’re really amazing. pls go check them out and give them some love!

-> soliloquy; camellia (two-shot); bitchin’ (series); flesh & blood (series)

@taesthetes uwu, cat’s works are some of the most amazing ones i’ve ever read. they never fail to amaze me and are always guaranteed to bring out emotions. thy’re truly beautiful works of art, and are some definite must-reads! her blog is so lovely and pretty too!

-> let’s unfall in love; amour; hiraeth; her masterlist (just read everything guys it’s incredible)

@ughkive mo! mO! MO! mo is my lovie and an angel. she’s such a beautiful soul and has the heart of an angel. her writings are amazing and some you should definitely check out! the way she writes is beautiful and i love her style of writing, please go flood her mailbox with love and support! much love to you, bb!

-> broken cathedrals; heart strings; bucket list; habits

@gukgalore hi rayan is my intelligent, gorgeous, radiant, and stunning queen. she is the absolute sweetest and must be flooded with love and hugs. go check out the queen, i love her, the aesthetic & layout of her blog, and her writings very very much!! they are very amazing and worth the read! many of them make me emotional and i dont know how she’s so taleneted. pls give her love.

-> young; jungkook breaks your trust (drabble); jungkook lies (drabble); something new

@guksheart she is one of my fav blogs everrr. i truly adore all of her fics and have reread them millions of times. they’re absolutely incredible, and always leave me in awe or speechless because of the talent that’s poured into each writing. each fic is a work of art, a masterpiece, and a treasure. pls go check her out, give her some compliments on her pretty blog, her cute banners, and her amazing self! lots of must-reads all waiting on her masterlist. also,,, on a side note lol her titles are so cute and i love them with all of my heart!! uwu

->  close the distance; in twenty years time; cover me in blue; plans for wedding bands; sugar coated; victor’s game (series m.list)

@gukills POPPY! or tati, i love her so very much with all of my heart and my entire being. she’s gorgeous, radiant, bright, and an angel blessed to us from the heavens!! not only is she the sweetest, she’s so talented in both writing and art! her writings are amazing and something you should definitely check out! uwu her navigation is so cute as well, go give her some love.

-> every moment is valuable; broken glass; just out the window (two-shot)

@cupofteaguk​ omg omg hiiiii. LOL im sorry but traci’s blog is one of my favs!! she’s one of the first blogs i came across when first joining this fandom and is so incredibly talented. i’ve reread all of her fics millions of times and i love them so so much. they’re so cute, sweet, and hilarious. the way she writes is incredible and i love the tropes and cliche plots that she twists or tweaks to turn into masterpieces. each fic she’s written is gold and i’m always excited to see her pop up on my dash. her banners are all so adorable just like her blog. go give her some love!!

-> like flowers we bloom; the endless winter; breath of spring; hopeless hearts; take my hand (i love this one v much!)

@onherwings​​ hi jo, i adore you with all of my heart and being. jo is such a sweet and talented soul that i’m incredibly lucky and forever grateful to be friends with!! all of her fics are amazing and totally worth the read. her writing style, the descriptive scenes, the plots, the cute banners, the funny interactions, and the way she constructs the relationships as they blossom is beautiful. it feels like a breath of fresh air, walking through a meadow of clouds and stars, and the fuzzy, warm feeling you get from being with people you love. her fics are beautiful and so fun to read. flood her mailbox with love, asks, and support!!

-> mask; the better one; reasons to say i love you

@angelguk​​  she’s one of my favorite blogs ever (mwah!) her writings, her blog, her aesthetic, and her layout are absolutely gorgeous!! uwu they make me soft just looking at the pretty colors, matching themes, and accents. her writings are from another planet, omg, there aren’t enough words and emotions in the world to describe how utterly incredible they are. her writing style is just phenomenal and i love the way her words weave together like strands of silk into works of art. literally, hands down, one of the best writers i’ve come across on this site. i love everything about her blog and i’m sure she’s an even more amazing and beautiful person.

-> breakfast in bed; heartfelt; i wish i missed my ex; amour; phases

@cutaepatootie​​​ hi sara seems like such a lovely and sweet person so pls give her some love. ask about her day, tell her a joke, make her laugh, make her smile today. :D her writings are incredible. “A Fallen Bookmark on a Thursday Afternoon” hit so hard. i was tearing up, nearly balling my eyes out because of how realistic and genuine her fics feel. it sounds silly, but they feel like their own little worlds, waiting for you to get lost in. they bring out so many feelings and thoughts that i didn’t know i had, or haven’t really thought about. i think about it so often, and she’s one of the first blogs i came across. pls check out her fics and give her some reblogs!

a fallen bookmark on a thursday afternoon; the blue princess and her red rose; animal (series); a brief story of time; touched by a fallen star

@minflix​​​ elle is so very lovely and sweet. she reminds me of flowers because of how sweet and beautiful she is, i hope she continues to blossom. she reminds me of the ocean because of how strong, majestic, and powerful her energy and soul are. her url is so clever, we stan an intellectual in this household!! her banners are amazing??? like??? what??? when i saw them i gasped and proceeded to stare at them in wonder. her fics are even better guys!! what a surprise, pls go read them. they’re masterpieces and i’ve reread them too many times to admit. but in all seriousness, she’s absolutely wonderful and i’m super lucky to know her. go give her some love, lots of love to the sweetest bean!!

break the ice; much better; spellbound; a lack of color; the city comes alive

@yourdelights​​ dee! deE! dEE! DEE! dee is such a talented and sweet soul. like??? she’s so sweet? you could get diabetes just from talking to her. nO seriously, she’s one of the friendliest, kindest, and nicest people on here. her fics are adorable and very funny as well as entertaining. her banners, her theme, and her navigation are so cute and stunning just like she is. go give her some love, send her some asks, start a conversation, make her smile, and be her friend!!

-> the best part of me is you; i’m sorry (drabble)

@diortae​​ hi guys, isabel is amazing, stunning, radiant, and a literal ball of sunshine. go send her some love, reblog her fics, and make her smile!! uwu she’s such a sweet person with an even sweeter personality. her fics are so cute, funny, and fascinating. pls pls pls, check out her most recent fic if you haven’t already “An Abundance of Mondays”. each fic is its own world and tale, with its own special traits and unique twists. i love her banners and her writing style very very much. i would give her flowers if i could.

-> an abundance of mondays; the spaces between; until the spring comes again

[mypassionfortrash]

KICKS (part four)

After watching Andie and Holly play at the dungeon, you and Roger go for a drink. Their scene might have been too extreme for either of you, but it still gave Roger some ideas on playing safely and opens up a conversation about how he wants to take his exploration further. And he has an interesting proposition for you.

Warnings: Strong D/s themes; graphic descriptions of needle play and blood. STRICTLY 18+. Notes: I am LOVING all the amazing feedback on this fic – thank you so much for reading and commenting. Please keep it coming. And please, if you liked this, share it!

Catch up: Part one // Part two // Part three

Tags: @jennyggggrrr @sarahgurl09 @scorpiogemini @johnricharddeacy​ @brianssixpence​ @hellohellothere12 @crazylittlethingcalledobsession @internationalkpoplova @thefairyfellersmasterstroke @six-bloodyminutes @hannafuckingsucks​ @dancingcoolcat​ @cherries-n-rocknroll​ @theedwardscollection​ @inthelapofrogertaylor​ @lnnuend0​

Tension radiated from Roger’s body by the end of Andie and Holly’s scene. You and Roger observed the whole thing from behind a two-way mirror. Every so often, Roger’s eyes would bulge, or his teeth would sink into his knuckle. He was on the edge of his seat from start to finish. He didn’t make a sound.

The show concluded with Andie forcing a series of mind-bending orgasms through Holly’s body with a Hitachi wand as she plucked a series of needles from her labia, which were spread in a clamped metal ring. Holly writhed against the industrial straps around her wrists, her waist and her thighs, but she just couldn’t evade Andie’s onslaught. With every wave, the edge of the table dripped with Holly’s arousal. The sheer amount of pleasure left her chest heaving and soaked in sweat. And when it became too much to handle, all Holly could do was gasp one word. “Red.”

Andie backed off with the wand and immediately undid Holly’s restraints. Too tired to move at first, Holly lay on the table trying to catch her breath as Andie fussed over her. Andie stroked her hair and dabbed away the blood on Holly’s skin with cotton swabs which eventually turned to ice packs to thwart any bruising or swelling.

Holly was so unsteady when she sat up that Andie had to prop her upright. A scarlet glow had engulfed her pale skin, and the muscles in her thighs still seemed to spasm. She needed time to adjust.

You leaned into Roger, lips close to his ear. “I think we should leave, give them some privacy.”

Roger’s eyes flicked to you in the darkness. “Ok.”

You and Roger didn’t roam far from Doxy, holing yourselves up in the bar across the street. Roger couldn’t contain his thoughts on what he had just witnessed. The grin on his face just grew and grew as the words poured out, recounting what Andie and Holly did. “And Holly,” Roger concluded, leaning back in his seat. “Holly fucking took it like a champ!”

A perky voice pierced through Roger’s assessment. “I really did, didn’t I?” Holly chirped, scooting into your booth beside Roger.

“It was amazing!” Roger beamed. “How are you feeling after all of that?”

“Really, really tired. Andie and I are just grabbing a drink while we wait for our taxis. Mind if we join you?” She said, glancing at you.

“By all means,” you said. “I’m sure Roger’s full of questions for you.”

Roger smiled and seemed to turn in on himself when Holly focused on him.

“Hit me!”

“That’s my job!” Andie said, putting their drinks down on the table and sitting down next to you.

“Oh, hello! Why were you saying, ‘yellow’ a lot? I kind of know what ‘red’ means, but what does ‘yellow’ mean?”

“We use a traffic light system, so when I’m approaching my limit in terms of pain or intensity, I can just say it, and Andie can drop things right back and slow down for a while. Red’s more when I want things to stop. It doesn’t need to be because of pain, either. Back there, I was pretty close to blacking out. Andie’s pretty careful, but it’s always important to use your safe word just in case.”

Andie nodded: “Some people might use one, but for more intense and longer sessions, traffic lights are better.”

“And when you’re using gags, you can give your submissive something to hold. A set of keys or something with a bit of weight is perfect,” you added. “If it gets too much, they can drop it. They might even do it subconsciously or by accident. But that’s a chance to check in with them.”

“So even though you’re having all of that done to you, you’re really in control?” Roger pressed.

“Yeah,” Holly said. “Before Andie and I started doing this on a regular basis, we made sure that we both set limits.”

“And we won’t try anything new without talking about it first,” Andie said. “The content of a scene should never be a surprise. It should be the way it’s executed – that should surprise.”

“How do you cope with the pain?” Roger asked, blinking at Andie and Holly. “Doesn’t that hurt, having the needles… downstairs?”

“When I’m not doing this, I’m a nurse,” Andie smiled, taking a sip of her wine. “But I’ve been doing both for over a decade. It’s just experience. I know how to place the needles so that Holy doesn’t bleed too much or it doesn’t hurt too much, and it won’t do her any damage. But the key is to get Holly into a headspace where she’s so turned on and excited right before you take them out.”

“It feels so good! And doesn’t hurt afterwards,” Holly chimed in. “Throw an ice pack on it, and I’m good to go!”

“Just don’t play with needles if you’re only starting out,” Andie cautioned.

Roger was in awe of Andie and Holly, listening intently to what they had to say, but you could tell he was growing impatient to have you all to himself. Every now and again, his eyes would dart your way. 

Holly noticed this and kicked Andie’s shin underneath the table, tilting her head towards the door.

“I think that’s our taxis out there,” Andie said, squinting through the window next to you.

“We’d better get going,” Holly said. “It was lovely meeting you, Roger!”

“Look after this one,” Andie giggled as she stood up. Her hand fell on your shoulder. “Don’t break her heart, Roger.”

Roger wore a wonderstruck expression long after Andie and Holly left the pub.

“How are you feeling?” you asked.

Roger rubbed his chin, studying you from beneath his eyelashes. “It’s all very exciting.”

“I remember that feeling. So you quite liked the medical thing, then?”

“I think studying dentistry sickened me off all of that,” he said, taking a swig of vodka. “But Andie and Holly do it well.”

“Didn’t know you studied that,” you said.

“Yeah! Hated every bloody second of it!”

“I’m not into all of that either. But there’s a world of things you could try.”

Roger looked up, his eyes moving in the air between and above you as he thought. “I just wonder how it starts. How people decide they want this?”

You spoke slowly, considering every word. “I think for me, it was a good way of developing a bit of strength. It sounds counterintuitive, but if I’m stressed, feeling some pain really cleansed me and made me better at dealing with life outside of play.”

“So it helped you cope in a way?”

“Yeah, it’s a nice way to hit the reset button. If you can take all of your negativity and cut it all off at the end of a scene. Some people like to learn discipline through it. Some people like knowing that someone else is making the hard decisions for them. Your reasons for wanting this are going to be completely different from someone else’s. And that’s ok.”

“I guess I always feel really guilty when I go away on tour. It’s always excess. Don’t get me wrong, I love touring. Love the shows and the parties. But I have a hard time reigning it in when it comes to girls,” he smiled. “I can’t keep doing that. I’m ashamed of how I am sometimes.”

“I think all of this could help you form better habits and see pleasure differently,” you began, leaning forward in your seat. “But along with that, you might have to do a bit of soul searching about why you do what you do. That’s not a kinky thing. It’s a you thing. How do you feel about not being allowed to come or have sex?”

Roger’s eyes lit up, but the colour drained from his pretty face. “I can’t imagine doing that.”

“It might be something to think about. Every time you think about having sex with someone, you could sneak off, have a little wank... And then ruin it. Condition yourself to think differently.”

Roger bit his lip. Intrigue had him leaning over the table, listening that bit more intently.

“You could be punished every time you allow yourself to come. Rewarded for how many days you manage to be good.”

His tongue poked out and brushed over his lower lip where he had just bitten. “What…” he stammered, “What kind of punishment are we talking?”

You shrugged. “That’s something you need to figure out what you’d be ok with.”

“And what are you into?”

You sighed, hooking your fingertips on the edge of the table. “When I’m in charge, I like very sensual things. Nothing lewd or filthy. A little bit of spanking. Making someone come so much that they’re shaking for hours afterwards and they beg me to stop. I love knowing that they trust me to push them. There’s something really fulfilling about it,” you smiled.

Roger was halfway towards lifting his glass to his lips when he paused. “And when you’re not in charge?”

Your stomach sank. “It doesn’t happen very often.” Suddenly your mouth felt like the Sahara. You desperately drained your glass and let the alcohol warm your chest. Dutch courage. “It’s the complete opposite. I have a bit of a humiliation kink. It comes from a fucking awful place, but it feels so cathartic. I get off on it. But it’s hard to put myself in that position and get in that headspace.”

“Does it feel safer for you to be more dominant?”

You nodded. “It builds my confidence and makes me feel more powerful and comfortable in my own skin. But also I think I know how to not be a bad one, if you know what I mean? I’ve had doms in the past who’ve just blown past all my limits. You can’t abuse someone’s trust like that. I know how that feels.”

The conversation hit a lull between you and Roger. He knew that your words came from a place of pain, but he didn’t know the specifics. The only way he could offer you comfort was with his hand, stretching out to meet your own. 

“That’s why you need to find the right person for things like this. Someone who’ll respect your boundaries.” Your fingers linked with his for the second time that evening. The pads on his fingertips bled warmth into your skin as they massaged your knuckles and traced every vein they found. Exploring. “What do you think your limits would be?” you asked.

“I don’t know,” he sighed, unable to rip his gaze from your hands. “I don’t want to be blindfolded. Or have needles stuck in me. There must be some other things out there that I haven’t thought of,” he half-laughed.

“We sell entire workbooks on that,” you giggled. 

Roger waved his hand through the air: “One thousand and one weird fetishes you’ve never heard of!”

“You’re not far off!”

“Might have to buy it and see!”

“Can’t wait to look at your answers to some of them.”

When Roger stopped laughing, his face fell into a sweet, contented smile. “I think you’d be amazing.”

“Hm?”

“At showing me the ropes… quite literally.”

“Oh you’d love to see my ropes, wouldn’t you?” you taunted, trying to cling to your cool exterior.

“As it happens, I would. Another drink?”

“I think I need it!”

You kept your eyes on Roger as he walked over to the bar. His mannerisms. The way he carried himself. Everything about him was so boyish and elegant at the same time. And he had the prettiest rasp to his voice. You would’ve been lying if you said you hadn’t imagined him tied up and begging you for release.

“I’ll do it,” you blurted the second Roger returned. 

He raised his eyebrows as he slipped back into the booth.

Your voice quietened. “If you’ll let me.”

“Really?” he asked, leaning forward. “You really want to?”

“I’ll show you everything you want me to. But I have three rules.”

“I’m listening.”

You counted each out on your fingers, stating your terms like they formed a legally binding contract between the two of you. “No kissing. No touching me unless I ask you to. And no penetrative sex.”

Roger’s smile fell slightly. “You mean I can’t even touch you?”

You seized both of Roger’s hands. “Not unless I ask you to. It goes both ways, and I need you to promise me you’ll abide by that. I told you I liked to keep kink and sex separate. Promise me you will, and I’ll give you everything I’ve got.”

Roger took a deep breath and weighed up his options with his mouth hanging open.

You swore it felt like an eternity. The knots that formed in your gut grew tighter and tighter. Until…

“Ok.”

“Really?” you asked, taken aback.

“I’m up for this.”

“Oh, thank god!”

“Thank you.”

>>NEXT>>

[hughiecampbelle]

Regret (Dick Grayson Drabble)

Character/s: Dick

Word Count: 740

Requested: anon

Word Prompt/s: Relief, Tangle

Tag List: @dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt

A/N: Thank you for requesting my love!!! I’m so sorry about the wait!!! I always feel like there are some characters I just can't write well, and I feel like Dick in one of them. No matter ehat, idk, I just feel like I write things for him that are out of character? Maybe it's just me and I'm worrying too much lol. Anyways, I hope you’re staying safe, looking after yourself, and I really hope you like it!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💖💜

~ FIC MASTERLIST PART ONE. / PART TWO. ~

MINI FIC REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

It was a mistake. One after another, the pieces falling perfectly into place. One bad decision after another until you ended up here, hungover, yeah pounding, searching for your left shoe, trying not to wake him. He stirred beneath the sheets, his body tangled, nude, shifting every so often to avoid the stream of the rising sun in his face. He seemed almost peaceful, relieved, lost in his own deep sleep, his hair disheveled, a shadow of stubble dotting his chin and cheeks. His chest rising softly, evenly. If you didn't know any better, this would have seemed like a memory, hazy, something your teenage self could have only dreamed of. Imagined by a starry eyed kid stuck in your puppy - love phase. He was serene, almost angelic, and you hoped he stayed that way long enough for you to find your things and get out without a scene.

You never should have gone to see him. You questioned why you'd even agreed in the first place, knowing he'd be there, that when you were around him, you never made the right decisions. Drunk on something old, a hope for something that would never exist, that shouldn't. Some feelings should be followed, nurtured, others should be ignored, neglected. This was one of them. Leave it to collect rust, to starve. It was dangerous, making you needy, hungry, forgetting how much time and effort you put into moving on, becoming a different person, one that didn't need him to know your worth.

But you said yes, falling back into old habits. Picking out something nice for him, in his favorite color, hoping he'd notice. You were fashionably late, hoping he was waiting for you, excited when the elevator doors opened, disappointed when it wasn't you. You hoped, but you never knew, you could never tell with him. Part of the reason he drove you wild. Behind those deep brown eyes was a world you never found the key to. If you impressed him enough, caught his attention, maybe one day he'd let you in. Until then, he handed you a drink, laughing half-heartedly at how long it's been since you'd seen one another. Even in a crowded room, it felt as if he only saw you, giving you his full attention. You missed this feeling, being his whole world, listening to the mundane details of your life without a cape and spandex.

An old flame, a childhood crush, another dumb boy to fall for and move on from. Met when you were young, dumb, fearless. Unafraid of your mortality. You wanted more, you wanted a sense of normalcy, but he didn't. The relationship didn't fail solely because of that, but it didn't help. It wasn't a dramatic ending. It never consisted of screaming fits or bowen objects, you'd never cursed one another out. There was still a heat, a passion between you, even when you drifted, acknowledging it could never work between you two. You missed him greatly those months alone. He was all you ever thought about. The more your cup filled, the more you found yourself telling him this, spilling your secrets down the front of your best clothes, unable to stop. He'd been drinking just as much, saying the same amount, all about the regret he felt the second you were apart. So many years later, lifetimes, it still made him burn.

There weren't a lot of things he let get to him, but losing you was a mistake he'd never forgive himself for.

You weren't sure how you'd gotten there, how talking had turned into locking the door, running your hands through his hair, over his skin, pulling off his shirt. You weren't sure how talking had become waking up in bed with him, waves of nausea overcoming you, your eyes screaming in the light. When Dick woke up you were gone, the only sign you were ever there were the dents in the pillows beside him, the cup on the table, no doubt empty. Groggy, memories misplaced, he remembered just as much as you did. No amount of alcohol could make him forget. He let you get away once. This was his last chance to show you, tell you just how much he missed you, how he's grown, that now there was a chance things could work out. Instead he acted the same way he had as a teenager. Careless, stupid, reckless, ruining everything.

Again.

[merakiaes]

A FAIR EXCHANGE: LEAVE A COMMENT & GET NEW CONTENT

IF YOU’RE A FOLLOWER OF MINE WHO FREQUENTLY READS MY CONTENT, OR IF YOU’RE NEW AND PLANNING TO SEND IN A REQUEST, PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS ALL THE WAY TO THE END IF YOU WANT TO HELP KEEP THIS BLOG GOING AND IF YOU WANT YOUR REQUEST TO BE WRITTEN. THANK YOU!

(Wordcount: 1417)

From now on things are gonna be a bit different around here; I won’t be writing nor posting any more requests if I don’t get comments on the one-shots I post.

I realize that it might be a bit obsessive and that I must seem desperate for attention but honestly, in my eyes leaving comments on things you read and like should be as obvious as it is to pay someone who, for example, paints you a portrait that you’ve ordered. Especially so if you’re the one who request the fic. 

I’m doing this for free, I’m taking a lot of time out of my life and I’m taking your requests and I’m writing thousand word long one-shots just for you, to make you happy. 

Although I am doing it for myself for the most part as I love to write, it’s incredibly discouraging to barely get any positive feedback; more often than not, not even from the person who requested it, which is probably one of the most disrespectful and ungrateful things there is. 

If you send in a request anonymously, you’ll still remain anonymous if you leave a comment. No one will know that you’re the one who sent the request, so please leave a comment. Some of you may already do this and in that case, I’m extremely grateful, but I know lots of you don’t because some of my requested fics don’t get any comments at all. Absolutely zero. Zilch. Nada. 

That being said, if you want your own request being written from now on, or simply if you want to see new content, do your part and leave a comment on my previous fic belonging to the fandom you want a new fic for. 

You don’t have to pay any more attention than you already have to the fics I’ve already posted up until today, October 5th, but from the moment I post my next fic for a certain fandom, I won’t be posting any more for said fandom until that piece has gotten some interaction. 

To make it a bit clearer, the next request I post for Criminal Minds, will have to get some gratitude and validation in the comment section before I post another request for that fandom. 

The next request I post for Peaky Blinders, will have to get some gratitude and validation in the comment section before I post another request for tha fandom. 

And the same goes for every other fandom I write for, starting with the next fic I post for each of them. Makes sense? If not, then all you need to understand is that I, from now on, won’t write any requests if I don’t get any interaction, and I’ll be putting that little disclaimer at the start of every fic from now on so that it’s clear. 

I know that my blog is to some extent shadowbanned; my fics turn up in the most recent posts in the tags, but they don’t show up in my followers’ news feeds or on their home pages, so I know that this plays a big part in why my blog has become so incredibly dead lately, in comparison to how lively it was at the beginning of this year and also before that. 

But my blog has a total of 4864 followers in this moment, I’ve gained 301 of said followers just this past month, and the gaps between the likes and the comments/reblogs are huge on every single one of my fics, so I know that there are a lot of people who read my content who could take a minute to leave a comment if only they cared enough to do so.

I’m not gonna ask you to reblog, even though it would be greatly appreciated as it would help my content get out there on a larger scale, because I get that some of you want to post other stuff on your blogs that aren’t fanfiction. But please, if you like a fic of mine, leave a comment. It takes no more than a few seconds and a little can go such a long way. 

I feel really dumb and extreme for being this dependent on the validation and I kinda understand if you’re a one-time reader who only likes one of my fics in passing and therefore don’t leave a comment, but I have a LOT of “regulars” who read and like most of the content I put out, including the people on my tag lists, among others. 

So please, if you’re a frequent reader of my fics, if you’re on the tag lists and especially if you’re the one reqeusting it, anon or not, leave a comment the next time I post something you like because I sadly won’t want to keep writing requests if they keep getting this little interaction.  

The comments are, in a way, the payment for me - compensation for my time and hard work, like “regular” workers get paid in money. 

They pay me back the motivation, energy and inspiration that it took from me to write the fic, and it’s just not fun nor worth it for me if I don’t get shown any gratitude for the fics I write, which is why I haven’t posted in a while again. 

An artist can’t keep painting, no matter how much they love it, if they don’t get paid for the work they do for others. Because with what money are they going to purchase new material and resources, if they don’t get any?

Just like that, I can’t keep writing requests, no matter how much I love writing, if I don’t get validated and hyped up. Because what is the point of creating stuff for other people if they don’t even show that they appreciate or like it? 

Hopefully you get my point, and if you follow me for other reasons than for reading my one-shots, or if you only followed me for a fandom that I no longer write for, don’t mind this post. This is meant for the people who still frequently read and like my content, who are on my tag lists, and who send in requests of their own. 

To those of you who make it a habit to reblog and/or comment without having to be asked to do so: there aren’t enough words in the world to describe how much I love and appreciate you, a single comment saying “I really liked this” can make my entire day and give me the biggest rush of motivation and inspiration to write more. 

I know a lot of writers here on Tumblr feel like I do, so please, as a reader, make it a habit to leave comments because even if a writing account is quiet about it, not getting any interaction is discouraging and it kills the spark. 

So to wrap it all up, to me, this seems like a more than fair exchange: 

Comments on my fics - I’ll be motivated, inspired and hyped up, the spark will remain and I will keep writing and posting requests and ENJOY doing so, and you will keep getting fresh content and getting your personal requests written. A win-win situation for all of us. 

No comments on my fics - My motivation and inspiration will be pretty much non-existent, this blog will die out, you won’t get any more fics, and as I have decided with a 110% certainty not to post if I don’t get interaction on my fics, I won’t have to keep forcing myself to write when it becomes more of a burden than a fun thing to do anymore.

Hopefully you will help me keep this blog alive, as it is one of the things I hold dearest in life and one of my biggest accomplishments. I love to write and there’s nothing I’d rather spend my days doing, but not getting any comments and/or reblogs leaves me running on an empty tank and it takes a lot out of me to force myself to write when that happens, which I hope you will understand and help me avoid. 

Thank you for reading all the way down, and thank you even further if you’re going to start leaving comments. Hopefully, we can all build this blog back up together because if it comes to life again, I’m planning to re-open requests for a lot of abandoned and closed, and also entirely new, fandoms and characters, so from a former reader’s perspective, you can really only win on this situation. 

[thezodiaczone]

Gemini Compatibility

GEMINI + ARIES (MARCH 21 - APRIL 19) ♥♥♥♥ You're two high-strung, passionate Fire signs who both like to be the Alpha dominant. As such, you'll need to toss the hot potato back and forth, submitting to the other's rule—at times through gritted teeth. Acquiescence may not come naturally, but it builds a necessary trust. Aries is a paradox: you're the zodiac's infant (its first sign) and its gallant hero (you're ruled by warrior Mars). You want to save the world and be saved at the same time. You'll need to occasionally allow yourself to play wounded knight or damsel in distress, and let your mate charge to your rescue. However, don't spiral into neurotic helplessness or analysis paralysis. Nobody can beat a topic to death quite like you can—but that's what therapists are for, Aries. Neither one of you can be saddled with the emotional care and feeding of an adult baby. You're too independent for that. When your problems gain too much mental gravitas, it's time to move—literally. Disperse your Martian angst and anger with lots of physical exertion. As fellow adventurers, you travel well together. Try snowboarding, exotic bike tours, Costa Rican rainforest expeditions. Passionate sex is another antidote to prickly feelings for your high-touch sign. Like Aries Hugh Hefner, you have a champion libido (and an awesome sense of entitlement). Some Aries couples may mutually agree to flex the terms of your monogamy, although the jealousy it stirs might not be worth the trouble.

GEMINI + TAURUS (APRIL 20 - MAY 20) The stubborn Bull locks horns with the willful Ram, nostrils flaring, heads bowed in determination. So begins a fierce but fiery courtship, as splashy and menacing as a Pamplona stampede. Aggression, however uncivilized, is part our Darwinian natures. It certainly is for your signs—who possess an arsenal of steamrolling tactics, from doe-eyed charm to old-fashioned philistine strong-arming. No weak-willed mate will survive your natural selection process. Nor should he. Neither one of you feels safe in the arms of a mate who can't protect you. Thus, your initial faceoff is simply a warning shot: Show me your strength so I can trust you. Once the fanfare is over, you make a great team—like British pop royalty Victoria (Aries) and David (Taurus) Beckham.

As tight as two mafiosos, you like to dress up and flaunt your natural superiority over the rest of the animal kingdom. The deal is sweet for both of you. Taurus gets an attractive show pony and a lusty mate to satisfy his Earthy libido. Aries has a lifelong provider and benefactor to supply creative freedom and endless playtime. Issues can arise if Taurus grows too possessive or tries to tame independent Aries. Indulgent Taurus will need to remain active to keep pace with the energetic Ram (read: lay off the nightly steak frites and vino). You both crave attention, but don't go looking for it outside the relationship, unless you want a real showdown. Like two tots in a nursery, you share a favorite word: Mine!

GEMINI + GEMINI (MAY 21 - JUNE 20) We'll spare you the joke about there being four people in this relationship, mainly because it's an understatement. Like twin kaleidoscopes, you're each a fractal pinwheel of personalities that re-pattern at the slightest twist. Good news: versatility is a virtue in Gemini-land. Monogamy, not always easy for your restless sign, becomes a non-issue when your mate embodies more personas than Sybil. Dyed-in-the-wool dilettantes, you never run out of things to discuss. Clever Gemini rules communication: your ideas come fast and furious, and you love to debate. Intellectual tussling is a turn-on, although you must take care not to talk over each other. Remind yourself: listening skills are just as important as a well-crafted sentence. The pop psychology technique of "mirroring" (listening, then reflecting back your mate's communication) can be shockingly effective. Your main challenge is making time for each other, since you're both forever juggling any number of jobs, businesses, classes, hobbies, social circles and whatnot. Gemini is a collector; your home can resemble a natural disaster zone, piled to the rafters with books, newspapers, DVD sets from your favorite screenwriter, old-school vinyl, vintage costume jewelry. Forget couples' counseling: a cleaning service or storage unit can save this marriage. (Thank God for the Internet and YouTube.) With your wonder-twin powers, you can start a creative business together. Just make sure to hire a team of Earth or Water signs who can finish what you start, since you'll both leave a trail of loose ends. Light the spark, and let others keep the flame.

GEMINI + CANCER (JUNE 21 - JULY 22) Cancer is an emotional Water sign who loves to nest and bond; Gemini is a restless Air sign who prefers intellect over sentiment. You have similar interests, different temperaments. In many cases, this works out anyway. You both adore culture, the more obscure the better. You love to discover new bands, read novels by controversial authors, gorge yourselves at the jewel of a restaurant tucked into an undiscovered neighborhood. You bond over TV shows and bargain-hunting for treasures (you both have a thrifty streak). No flea market, tag sale or eBay store is safe from your scouring, and your home can resemble a bizarre gallery of antiques and modern gadgetry. The tricky part is when you lapse into astrological auto-pilot. Cancer is the zodiac's mother, who heaps on affection, nurturing and well-intended care. To Gemini, this can feel like clinginess and smothering. Gemini is the zodiac's fickle tween, waffling between bouts of dependence and asserting autonomy. There will be moments when Gemini greedily laps up Cancer's doting, and others when mama bird is roughly pushed away with a sarcastic, heart-piercing insult. Cancer must work hard not to take these moments personally—otherwise, the Crab lashes back with a below-the-belt barb, and it turns ugly. Remember, Crabcake: it's not you that Gemini is rejecting, it's your overprotection. Get a pet to dote on instead. Gemini needs space, Cancer needs reassurance. Memorize this formula.

GEMINI + LEO (JULY 23 - AUGUST 22) ♥♥♥♥ You make great friends, since you both love to gab about everything from the Times to the tabloids, Ferragamo to flea markets. Conversations are fever-pitched and fascinating; you're both well-versed culture hounds. Romantically, the temperature may be tepid, though. Leo is a Fire sign ruled by the blazing Sun—the regal Lion wants to be consumed by passion, heat, devotion, attention. Gemini is an Air sign driven by speedy, information-gathering Mercury. Listening to The Leo Monologues, which span from political diatribes to emotional melodramas, is sheer torture. When Gemini dares to interrupt the King or Queen, suggesting that s/he actually GET TO THE POINT, hell breaks loose. Leo must learn to take Gemini's tough love and unvarnished feedback in stride, not as an ego assault. Unconventional Gem should assent to traditional romantic gestures: red roses, the Tiffany bauble du jour. Learn to adapt. Gemini rules the hands, and will need to put them on affection-hungry Leo more often, since the Lion is greatly reassured by touch. And yes, as an Air sign, Gemini will need to blow a little smoke you-know-where; Leo can be a nightmare without regular doses of praise. Gush and flatter—it won't be the first insincere thing to pass through Gemini's lips. Leo should keep a battery of patient friends on speed dial. Gemini may have multiple personalities, but as a romantic partner, s/he can't be your de facto shrink, psychic hotline, career coach, parent and social director. Spread the demands around.

GEMINI + VIRGO (AUGUST 23 - SEPTEMBER 22) Gemini and Virgo share a common ruler: speedy Mercury, who zips around the Sun gathering light and information, then disseminating it to the masses. You're both natural communicators with a thousand ideas and opinions. Romance is a cerebral affair for your intelligent signs. Conversations spark into lively debates; asking each other "What do you think?" is akin to foreplay. Although Virgo is a more staid Earth sign and Gemini is a breezy Air sign, you share a "mutable" quality. That means you're flexible, and you can adapt to each other's quirks. Good thing, since you each have a bevy of rigid, borderline obsessive-compulsive habits. (Virgo's can include folding underwear into identical, neat little squares; Gemini's usually involve hoarding, starting new hobbies or impulse shopping.) You both love control, though Gemini is loath to admit this, while Virgo flies the flag. At times, you may wrestle for dominance, a habit you'll need to overcome for this match to work. Virgo's nagging can take the wind out of Gemini's sails; Gemini's sketchily researched half-truths set off Virgo's trust alarm. But combine the depth of Virgo's cautious planning with the breadth of Gemini's boundless curiosity, and you've got the total package. You can make great parents, too, since your styles tend to complement and you'll divide up roles with ease. Gemini can help serious Virgo lighten up, and responsible Virgo can help ground the easily distracted Twin.

GEMINI + LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 - OCTOBER 22) ♥♥♥♥ You're compatible Air signs with silver tongues and gilded wings, a magical match indeed. Libra is a pretty pixie and Gemini is an impish sprite. Your meeting rouses the fairies and gnomes, stirring up mischief in your midst. You love to mingle and schmooze, and you'll chatter like two little tree monkeys, gabbing a mile a minute. But will the breathless excitement last? Getting past the superficial romance stage is the challenge. You're both so indecisive that nailing down a commitment is like catching moonbeams in a jar. That said, the illusionary quality of your relationship is a magic you both enjoy. It's when life becomes too real that you vanish in a pinch of enchanted dust. To make this last, you'll need to dip your toes into the murky morass of intimacy, then learn to swim. Money can become an issue between you, particularly the way you spend it. Gemini is ruled by intellectual Mercury, and would rather invest in college degrees, a film collection, enriching travel. Libra is governed by beauty and pleasure-loving Venus, and splashes out on art, couture, custom suits, spas. You'll need separate wings for Gemini's books and Libra's handbag or shoe collection. You have different approaches to romance, too. Libra loves a lengthy courtship with all the trimmings, but Gemini bristles at picking up too many tabs, especially with Libra's extravagant taste. You'll probably need to keep separate accounts to avoid meddling in each other's purchase habits. Cut up the credit cards, too—many happy relationships can be destroyed by debt. Don't let that happen to you.

GEMINI + SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 - NOVEMBER 21) You live on completely different planes, which either turns you off or utterly fascinates you. Both of you are accustomed to reading people like flimsy comic books, then tossing them aside. Here, your X-ray vision fails to penetrate each other's psychic shields. Mutable Gemini is the shape-shifting Twin, home to a traveling cast of personalities. Intense Scorpio is shrouded in mystery and bottomless layers of complexity. Being baffled leaves you without the upper hand, but it also stokes your libido. You're piercingly smart signs who love a good puzzle—this is your romantic Rubik's cube. The challenge sets off sexual dynamite. You tease each other with cat-and-mouse evasions, neither of you making your attraction obvious. This prickles your insecurities, daring you to strive for the other's unbroken gaze. No two signs are as quietly obsessive as yours! There will be frustrating moments, too. You're both prone to depressive spells, and swing from giddiness to unreachable shutdown. Clever mind games edge on cruel or callow, breaking the trust that Scorpio needs. At times, airy Gemini may not be emotional or sensual enough for watery Scorpio; in turn, the Scorpion's emotional and physical passion can be overwhelming to Gemini. However, if you combine your strengths, you'll go far. Gemini is dilettante and a trivia collector who's always got a pocketful of creative ideas. Instinct-driven Scorpio rules details and research—this sign hones in like a laser and masters his chosen field. Whether it's starting a family or running a business, you can be an indefatigable team, with Gemini playing the rowdy ringmaster and Scorpio running the show from behind the scenes.

GEMINI + SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22 - DECEMBER 21) ♥♥♥♥ You're opposite signs that actually have much more in common than this label suggests. Gemini rules the so-called "lower mind": common sense, reasoning, facts, hard data and intellect. Sagittarius governs the "higher mind": wisdom, philosophy, consciousness, ethics, metaphysics. Together, you find sweet neurological nirvana. You're both restless adventurers who hunger for knowledge and experience. With Gemini's curiosity and Sag's nomadic nature, you get antsy in commitments unless there's a lot of excitement and variety. Boredom is simply not an option for your signs, and you're both involved in a billion projects. Scheduling issues are your biggest hurdle, but for true love, you allow nothing to interfere. Take globe-trotting Sagittarius Brad Pitt and Gemini Angelina Jolie, who traipse the continents with their ever-growing brood. As best friends and playmates, they make their own rules about love and family—and you will, too. Conventional coupling holds zero interest for your signs. Your main difference is in disposition. Air sign Gemini is cooler and distant compared to Sagittarius, harder to read emotionally. The fiery Archer has a hot temper and wears his heart on his sleeve. Still, you make each other laugh; you're both clever, entrepreneurial and quirky. You do best with a common goal that's a thousand times bigger than yourselves, and you'll dream up many. However, you may need Brangelina-sized paychecks to fund your lofty visions. Who has time to consider the bottom line when you're focused on reaching the top? Take time to consider the practicalities before leaping off the cliff. Knowing you, you'll jump anyway.

GEMINI + CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 - JANUARY 19) A metaphor for this match: a music producer combines a soulful 1970s classic (Capricorn) with funky electronic hooks (Gemini) and delivers a mashup that's either a mess or a chart-topping hit. You couldn't be any more different if you tried, yet you can really benefit from each other's natural resources. Gemini is ruled by speedy Mercury, the lightning-fast trickster who speaks in silver-tongued half truths. Capricorn's overlord is Saturn, the cautious, conservative planetary patriarch, who only trusts that which stands the test of time. Gemini is versatile and restless, like a fusebox with a million criss-crossed wires. Capricorn is the dutiful ox who carries the yoke and plows the field, rarely diverging from routine. While Capricorn's dogged consistency and family loyalty can frustrate Gemini ("How can you let these people walk all over you?" Gemini asks, referring to Cap's elderly parents), it also grounds the scattered Twins. Gemini is Capricorn's one-man circus, keeping the Goat amused and entertained, adding color to his monochromatic world. You both have a lusty, experimental side, too. The magic really appears when you get physical, which happens fast, since your sexual attraction is intense. In fact, Capricorn is one of the few signs that can spike Gemini's jealousy. There are so many people who rely on sturdy, supportive Cap, and Gemini doesn't like to compete for the spotlight. To make this work, Gemini will have to accept that Capricorn's loyalty extends to family and lifelong friends. Stoic Cap will need to show a little more emotion, since impish Gemini needs to know he can get under Capricorn's skin. It will take time to work out the kinks, but the erotic tet-a-tets will be worth the trouble.

GEMINI + AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 - FEBRUARY 18) This match of compatible Air signs can feel a bit like high school romance—teasing, texting, movie dates with jumbo popcorn and licentious groping during the previews. You bring out each other's breezy, buoyant spirits, and that's a plus. You'll bond over TV shows, favorite sci-fi novels and superheroes, obscure philosophers, music. With your clever comebacks and verbal repartee, you could take a comedy act on the road. Although you can both be overly cerebral at times, you prefer laughter and light conversation to emotional melodrama. Eventually, though, you need to get out of the shallow end of the pool. Intimacy is a challenge for your signs. We're talking true intimacy—being caught with your pants down and no clue how to get them back up. Telling each other your entire life stories in monologue form (which could have happened on the first date) doesn't count. You must soldier through the post-infatuation "awkward phase," or you'll end up feeling like buddies. That would be a shame, as you can make excellent life partners and playmates. The biggie: you'll both need to give up fibs and lies—particularly lies of omission. You're excellent storytellers and politicos, gifted at crafting a spin to fit your agenda. However, the naked truth is the only way out of the Matrix. Though it may topple your PR-friendly public image, it's a necessary risk you must take to build the character and depth of a lasting commitment.

GEMINI + PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 - MARCH 20) You're both dual signs: Gemini is the Twins, and Pisces is symbolized by two Fish swimming in opposite directions. You're pop psychology's poster children for commitment-phobia. Are you in or are you out? It depends on the day, the mood, the cosmic alignment. Obviously, this is no way to run a relationship—but wait. Here's a golden chance to peer into love's looking glass and see your own shadowy Id mirrored back. Yes, your psyches and hang-ups are as bizarre as Alice's rabbit-hole tumble into Wonderland. Pisces, you really can be as needy, emotionally exhausting and manipulative as Gemini says. Gemini, you are indeed capable of being a double-talking, evasive ice-tyrant with a heart like polished marble. And…so what? If you can actually own your dark sides—which we all have—you're also capable of spreading tremendous light. You must negotiate your differences with transparent honesty, though. Pisces is an emotional Water sign; Gemini is an intellectual Air sign. Unless you balance the proportions, Gemini drowns in Pisces' undertow and the zodiac's Mermaid suffocates from breathing too much oxygen. Gemini must strive to connect emotionally, and Pisces will need to lighten up. Perennial dissatisfaction is also a killer. Don't say you want something, then refuse to be happy when your partner provides it. Gratitude is an intimate act: it requires you to acknowledge that your partner can reach you, a vulnerable place. Two words to save your relationship: "Thank you" and "You're right."

[thetravelerwrites]

Arkag (Part 3) Lemon

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Male Human/Male Orc Additional Tags: Exophilia, MLM, Male Reader, Reader Insert, Orc Boyfriend, Adoption Content Warnings: Sex, Gay Sex, Anal Sex, Missing Limb, Flashbacks, Night Terrors, PSTD Words: 4760

The finale to @severedreamerbeard​​‘s commission! Arkag has trouble accepting the new role in the reader's life, but when a child in the village becomes trapped under a rock fall, he'll have to overcome his own feelings to help her. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

It took four months, but you finally convinced Arkag to move into your much larger shophouse with you. He decided to keep the cabin, though. It was still hard for him to be in the town proper, since he’d lived out in the middle of the forest for years. In addition to his regular woodcutting job, you were slowly reintroducing him to regular society by having him help with the tanning, with which he had a ton of experience. It gave you much more time to finish sewing, and the two of you worked as a team.

Nights together were hot and heavy, and it was better and more satisfying than any of your previous partners. Arkag was not only really good at it, but he loved to talk to you for a long time afterward and cuddle you close to him while he did. He was probably the most talkative when he was in bed than he was anywhere else.

It wasn’t complete bliss, however. The flashbacks took him without warning, usually set off by a sound. The night terrors were worse. He often lashed out in his sleep, inadvertently hurting you once or twice. He was apologetic and guilt ridden whenever this happened, and you had to convince him not to leave and retreat to his cabin. His healing was a process, and there would be bumps, you told him. He always nodded when you said that, but he never seemed convinced.

He was his surliest whenever you came back from hunting. When you returned from your trips out to the woods, whether alone or with a party, he became quiet and distant for a day before returning to his normal self.

One night after coming back, he was standoffish and slept in a spare room. The next morning, you confronted him.

“Why did you sleep in the storage room last night?” You asked him over breakfast. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing,” He said grumpily. “I just wanted space.”

“Arkag, you’re a creature of habit if ever I knew one,” You said, setting down your spoon. “You only sleep in the storage room when I go hunting. Why? What is it about hunting that pisses you off so much?”

“It’s nothing,” Arkag repeated repressively.

“I don’t believe you,” You said in frustration. “Does me hunting bother you? I’d say that I’d stop hunting, but I can’t. It’s where the majority of our meat and leather comes from. Buying it from a butcher would be too expensive.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing,” Arkag insisted.

You scoffed. “If you have to say ‘it’s nothing,’ that means there is something. Just tell me! I want to help.”

“Just leave me alone!” Arkag said, raising his voice. “I don’t need to share everything with you. Sometimes I just want to be alone! Is that too much to ask!”

“Well, no, of course not!” You assured him. “I just… I love you, Arkag. I just wanted you to know you could come to me with anything that’s bothering you. You’re my partner.”

Arkag snorted. “I’m your employee.”

He said this in an undertone, perhaps thinking you wouldn’t hear him, but you had gotten used to Arkag’s quiet mumblings to the point that you could understand most of it.

“What did you just say?” You asked, shocked. “What do you mean, you’re my employee? What are you talking about?”

“Face reality,” Arkag snarled, standing up from the table and turning to look out the window, avoiding your eye. “I work in your shop, I live in your house, I eat your food. You cook the meals, you make my clothes, you create the products we sell, you hunt our meat, you earn our living. I do the wood and tanning, but it’s not nearly enough to contribute or provide for the both of us. I could barely support myself. I’m a burden to you.”

“What? No, you’re not! I don’t care if you can provide--”

“I do!” Arkag shouted, throwing a mug against the wall and shattering it. “An orc provides! It’s what we do! If we can’t fight, if we can’t protect, we provide! I have nothing to offer you! I’m worth nothing!”

“Arkag, that’s not true! I don’t need you to provide for me! I can provide for myself! I can provide for both of us, and I’m happy to do it! All I want in return is love!”

“You don’t understand! How could you! You’re…” He stopped, scowling and biting his lip.

“I’m what? I’m what, Arkag?” You asked him. “Human? I can’t understand because I’m human? Is that what you’re going to say?”

“It’s not because you’re human,” He said, his voice shaking. “It’s because you’re whole.”

“You’re not broken, Arkag,” You said, but he interrupted you.

“What do you know!” He pushed past you and shrugged on his coat, stomping outside and toward his cottage.

“Fine!” You called after him. “Come back when your pride stops doing your thinking for you!” And you slammed the door after him.

When you stopped being mad, you felt guilty. He was right; there was no way you could begin to fathom what things he had been through since he lost his arm. You knew he’d been ridiculed to the point of exile from his stronghold, was a transient begging by the road side for a time, and then spent around a decade alone in the woods. The mental and emotional toll from not only the trauma of the injury, but also his treatment by his peers and the rough living he’d endure since, must have been terrible.

You sighed. You were walking a fine edge with Arkag. One the one hand, you desperately wanted to help him and you knew that if you left him to his own devices, it’s likely he’d never let himself heal, but pushing him to deal with his problems made him lash out or retreat. His emotional growth was severely stunted, and you knew that.

On the other hand, he couldn’t use his condition or past as an excuse to push you away or act however he liked. His night terrors and flashbacks were one thing; he couldn’t control them. Being an ass for the sake of being an ass was another. His pride was halting any progress he could have been making.

You just wished you knew what to do to help him, but you weren’t sure what else you could do but accept him and be patient.

However, your patience was wearing thin when he didn’t return in three days, so you went out to the cabin to talk to him. He didn’t answer after the first three knocks, but you knew he was in there because you could hear shuffling and the fire was going.

“Let me in, Arkag!” You shouted through the door. “I know you’re in there! I’m not angry anymore, and you can sleep in the spare room all you like. Can we just talk?”

The door opened slowly and Arkag stepped out, closing the door behind him.

“Are you coming back with me?” You asked him. “Good, I was going to make dinner.”

“No, I’m not,” He said. “You’re right, we should talk.”

That didn’t sound good. “Alright. I wanted--”

“No, please,” He said. “Let me go first, or I don’t know if I’ll be able to get it out.”

The bad feeling was getting worse. “Alright, then.”

“Listen,” He started slowly, not meeting your eye. “I think I should move back out here. I’m not being of much help in the shop.”

“What are you talking about? Of course you are. Besides, you don’t have to work in the shop if you don’t want to,” You told him.

“No, I know that, I just think it’s better if I came back out here. Life in town doesn’t suit me.”

“If that’s what you want, of course,” You said, swallowing the lump in your throat. “If it helps you, I don’t mind coming out every day after work to see you.”

“No…” He said, his voice wavering. “You shouldn’t come out here anymore, either.”

“But,” You said with a small, nervous laugh. “How will we see each other?”

He said your name softly, with grave intent, and you knew.

This was it. It was over.

“I’m sorry,” He said with finality, and went back inside, closing the door gently.

You stood there for a full five minutes, staring at the door, listening to the fire crackling inside. You hadn’t heard his footsteps walk away, so he was likely still just on the other side of the door, either waiting for some kind of reaction or for you to leave. You stood your ground, hoping he might come back out and say he hadn’t meant it, that he was just confused and hurting and that he still loved you. But it didn’t happen. Blinded by tears, you finally turned, stumbled off his porch, and began the lonely walk back to your home.

The next month was rough. You stopped taking orders and it took you double the time to finish the ones you already had. Business was suffering, but you didn’t care. You weren’t eating well, and even though you spent a lot of time in bed, you didn’t sleep much. It didn’t help that he still left you firewood in the middle of the night, only twice as much as usual. It was like he was trying to apologize the only way he knew how, but it was just a reminder that he wasn’t there anymore and seeing it every morning just reopened the wound over and over again.

Sometimes, when you were awake at night, you’d hear him leaving the wood and moving on. You had the idea, more than once, to confront him and force him to talk to you, but you knew that wouldn’t solve anything. He would just resent you for ambushing and pressuring him.

You’d had breakups before. This wasn’t like those. This felt like a fragment of your soul was just… gone. A piece of you was missing, but you felt heavy at the same time. The bed was too big for you now. The house was too quiet. There was too much… empty space. The silence of the home pressed into your ears and was excruciating.

The second month was slightly easier, but you were still miserable. You remembered you had a glove you were working on for him. After you finished it, you considered delivering it yourself, but decided to hire a runner to do it instead. Seeing him would hurt too much.

Another month passed, and you knew his birthday was coming up. You counted down the days, and with each day that passed, you wondered if you should make him something or even acknowledge it in any way. When the day came, you made a small cake, but couldn’t bring yourself to eat it. It sat on the dining table until it began to mold.

Five, six, seven months on, and your thoughts still revolved around him in all things. Everything you saw, heard, smelled, reminded you of him. You worried about his state of mind during thunderstorms. During sleepless evenings, you wondered if his night terrors were getting bad again. You stopped eating radishes, something you previously loved, because you knew he hated them.

Life slowly got back to normal. After taking your time off, you got back to work. Winter was fast approaching and you had a lot of orders for new coats. You missed Arkag’s help, but you had always managed before he came along, and as much as you wished it were different, you would manage again.

There was a commotion on the edge of town one day as you were making a delivery: three children ran out of the woods screaming over each other. You stopped them as they nearly streaked past you.

“What’s going on?”

“My sister!” One of them shouted. “We were playing in a shallow cave nearby and it fell in! She’s trapped inside!”

“You two!” You pointed to the others. “Go find help! You!” You said to the brother. “Show me where!”

The two other children ran in the opposite direction as the brother led you to the collapsed cave. You could hear a child crying inside.

“What’s her name?” You asked the boy.

“Eida!” He said, crying.

“Eida!” You called. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“My arm!” She screamed. “My arm is pinned! Help me!”

“Hold on, honey, help is coming!” You cried, starting to move stones out of the way.

“Please don’t let me die!” She sobbed.

“I won’t, honey. I promise I’m going to help you, alright? Hang in there with me. Stay with me!”

The young boy helped by chucking rocks more his size and digging furiously. Several more people from town, including the girl’s mother and father, arrived and began digging, all while the girl under the rubble wailed in pain. The work was slow, fearing that any wrong step or moving the wrong stone would cause the cavity within where the girl was would fall farther, crushing her altogether.

It seemed like hours, but her head was finally uncovered. She was bloodied, but it didn’t appear as if she had a severe head wound. Her mother held her other hand, the one that wasn’t pinned, and whispered assurances to her that she would be alright. Her father was stroking her hair, sobbing along with her.

A few of the volunteers tried to pull her, but as she shrieked in agony, you screamed, “No! Don’t! She’s pinned!”

“Help me! Help me, please! I’m dying!” She cried.

“You’re not going to die, darling,” You told her. “We’re right here, we’ll get you out, I promise. You’re not going to die.”  

Her right side was uncovered, but her left was still trapped. Her arm wasn’t visible under the rocks. As they moved the rocks out of the way, they finally got her free… except for her arm. The largest of the rocks was on her arm, and it wasn’t budging. Moreover, every time they tried to move it, she screamed as if she were being murdered.

“We can’t shift it,” One of the men said frantically. “It’s too heavy. She has to lose her arm.”

The crying became more terrified, and you cuffed the man on the ear.

“Nice job, asshole!” You hissed. You looked around you. “Has anyone seen the physician?”

“He wasn't at home when we went to call on him,” Another man said.

“Check again!” You said, taking off. “I’m going to get help!”

You ran through the woods at a full sprint, ignoring the thin branches whipping your face and cutting your skin, vaulting over roots and logs. Soon, the familiar, sweet sight of Arkag’s cabin came into view. You could smell wood burning and saw smoke in the chimney.

You jumped up the steps and banged on his door.

“Arkag!” You shouted, using both fists to rattle the door on it’s frame. “Arkag! Help!”

The door was yanked open and Arkag stood there. He looked disheveled and smelled like he hadn’t bathed in a while; you didn’t care, the sight of him was like a balm for your soul. But you didn’t have time to revel in it.

“What are you doing here?” He asked. “What’s happened?”

“Hurry, we need your help,” You said. “A girl was caught in a rock fall. Her arm has been pinned under a boulder and the other men and I can’t shift it. You’re the strongest man in town. Please come and help her.”

“I…” He gulped and looked away from you. “I don’t think I can.”

You grabbed his collar and forced him to look at you, your face more fierce and angry as it had ever been.

“This is not about you, Arkag,” You told him. “A girl is bleeding to death under a boulder in the woods and we need your help to save her life. Are you going to let her die because you can’t see past your pride?”

He seemed at war with himself, his jaw working, his tusks pressing into his top lip enough to leave an indentation. His face hardened; not in anger but resolve. He shoved his feet into his boots and followed you outside.

“Show me,” He said.

The two of you sprinted back to the rock slide. The people were still there, trying to think up a way to remove the rock, having strung a rope harness across it and trying to find a strong branch to use as a counterpoint. The crying from the girl was getting thinner and more labored.

“Don’t bother with the rope!” Arkag said. “We don’t need to lift it all the way up! We just need to budge it enough to pull her out! The mother, father! When I say, get ready to get her clear!”

The two of them nodded grimly with tears on their faces. The physician had arrived and was assisting the parents in soothing Eida and assessing her other injuries. He waited on his heels, ready to pounce on her arm wound as soon as the rock was off to stem the flow of blood. The likelihood of Eida going into shock was extraordinarily high.

“Everyone get to one side,” Arkag said, bracing his entire left side against the rock and placing his only hand against its surface. “One! Two! Push!”

The people put their full weight into pushing the rock, and, combined with Arkag’s superior orc strength, the boulder moved just enough to snatch the girl out from under it. Her cries rose anew as the jostling and rush of blood back into her arm caused the nerves to reawaken. She was taken away to the physician’s office with a quick step, and the ones who were there who had been helping stood looking at each other, unsure what to do now.

“Drinks?” You offered.

They all nodded both tiredly and enthusiastically and followed you to the pub.

“You too, Arkag,” You said. “You’ve earned a drink.”

He hesitated. “Are you sure?”

You nodded. “Come on.”

There were about thirty of you that trudged into the pub, making the barkeep look up in surprise.

“A round on me,” You told him, pushing whatever gold you had in your pocket across the bar. “They’ve all earned it.”

His eyes widened and he nodded, starting to pour mugs two at a time and quickly dispersing them. Arkag took his, downed it quickly, looked around uncomfortably, and headed for the exit.

“Hey,” You called after him.

He stopped and turned toward you, his face hard to read.

“Thanks. For coming.”

He nodded, hesitated another minute, and left.

A few days later, Eida’s father, Daniel, walked into your shop.

“Hello, sir!” You said, dropping what you’re doing. “How can I help you? How’s young Eida?”

“Actually, that’s why I’m here,” He said gravely. “I’m afraid she has lost her right arm above the elbow. The physician said there was no saving it.”

“Oh, my god,” You breathed. “I’m so sorry. How is she holding up?”

“Not well, I fear,” He said. “She’s rather despairing at the moment. She keeps saying that she’s useless and that no man will ever love her. She’s naught but thirteen, but she’s at the age where a girl begins to plan for her future, of course. She can’t imagine finding work in her situation.”

“That’s not true at all,” You said. “There’s plenty of one handed jobs out there. A person could even sew one-handed, and I should know.”

“My wife and I keep trying to tell her that, but she won’t listen to us,” He replied. “I was wondering… that orc fellow who helped us. He’s your friend, right?”

You swallowed a little, but nodded. “Yes.”

“Do you think you could convince him to come and talk to her?” Daniel asked. “He’s a capable man, and I think if she sees someone who’s like her and is self-sufficient, she may not be so hard on herself. I’d go and talk to him myself, but he seems a taciturn fellow and I don’t know if he’d appreciate my visit.”

“I… could certainly try,” You said slowly. “He is a man who likes his space and privacy, but I could try.”

“I would greatly appreciate that, sir,” Daniel said. “I’ll leave you to your work. Thank you for your help.”

“Of course,” You said, and bid him a good day as he left.

Putting down your work, you stood but didn’t leave immediately. You had to steel yourself to see him again. Last time was an emergency and you didn’t have time to deal with your feelings on the matter, but this was different. This would be the first time you talked to him, really talked, in months. You didn’t know how well you’d be able to keep your emotions in check.

Once you reached the clearing that housed his cabin, you found him already outside, chopping wood, having not noticed you. You halted in your steps for a moment, watching him work, marveling at his strength. Then, you took a breath and started forward.

“Arkag,” You said. He was just about to raise the axe when he stopped and looked around at you.

“Oh,” He said softly. “I… I wasn’t expecting you.”

“No, I know, I’m sorry,” You replied. “Daniel, Eida’s father, asked me to come and speak to you.”

“Why?” He asked, setting the axe aside.

You sighed. “Eida has lost her arm.”

“...oh,” He replied, his face distant.

“She’s apparently extremely depressed, saying that she’ll never find work or love, that she’s useless. He wants you to tell her that that isn’t true.”

“I don’t know if I’m the best person to do that,” Arkag said, scratching his neck and looking away.

“Why not?” You asked him. “You have work. It’s modest, but it’s a living. You can take care of yourself. You’re not useless. And as far as love... well…” You shrugged, also looking away. “You know you had that.”

He didn’t answer, and you didn’t look up.

“Just talk to her,” You said, backing away. “I don’t know if you’ll be of any help, but you could try. Don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe you could take a few minutes and think about someone besides yourself.”

Before he could answer, you turned and jogged back toward the trail leading to your home.

Late that night, after you had gone to bed, you heard a loud knocking at your door. On edge, you got up and opened the door to find Arkag standing there. He was pale and looked like he had been crying.

“Can I come in?” He asked plaintively.

“Yes, of course, come in,” You said. “What’s wrong?”

“I talked to Eida,” He said as he came in and sat down at the dining table. “We talked for hours. I told her about how I lost my arm, about the night terrors and flashbacks. About the struggles I’ve had since. I don’t know why I did that, and I thought she’d have been terrified by it, but she seemed… I don’t know, relieved?”

“She’s relieved because she’s not alone, Arkag,” You said, sitting with him.

He wiped his eyes. “I suppose you’re right. We cried together. She asked if she had a bad dream or a flashback, if she could come and talk to me about it. No one’s ever asked me that before. I don’t know why it made me feel better, but it did.”

“That’s good, Arkag,” You said. “That’s very good. But… if you don’t mind my asking, why did you come here to tell me about it? And in the middle of the night.”

He took a big breath and let it out slowly. “We talked about you, too. She asked if anyone had ever loved me like this,” He shrugged his missing arm. “And I said yes. She asked me why we weren’t still together… and I couldn’t answer her. I wanted to believe it’s because the answer was too complicated to explain… but it wasn’t.” His eyes filled with tears as he looked up at you. “I made a mistake. I’m so sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I’m so, so sorry.”

You began to cry, as well. Your heart raced in your chest as you stood up, pulled him from his seat, and kissed him full on the mouth. He reciprocated, putting his hand in your hair and kissing you between sobs.

“I made a cake for your birthday,” You told him. “But I couldn’t eat it.”

He laughed through his tears. “I always left you more firewood than anyone else.I just… wanted to make sure you had enough.”

“I know,” You said, taking him by the hand. “Come on.”

You took him into the bedroom and spent many tender moments undressing him, peppering his skin with kisses. He returned the favor and turned you, kissing the back of your neck and down your spine. He massaged the muscles of your shoulders and buttocks with his hand before going into the night table to grab the bottle of oil that was always there. He uncorked it and drizzled a little in his palm one-handed, reached between your spread legs and stroked it into the skin of your cock, making you grip the sheets.

He teased your pucker with a single finger, rubbing it around and up and down before slowly sinking it inside, and you groaned against the bedding. After a few minutes of playing with you, he slicked himself down and before he entered you, he bent down so that his front was pressed against your back. You turned your head and kissed him as he pushed himself inside.

It had been a while, and you were both pent up. It didn’t take long at all before you were both a mess. He came so hard that he roared, and you painted the floor in your own release. He didn’t stop, though; he slowed for a moment before regaining his pace, and the two of you made love again and again.

Neither of you got much sleep, but it was a deep, sweet exhaustion that overtook you both as dawn crept into the windows.

Later, after a much needed nap, the two of you awoke in each other’s arms. Arkag’s nose was in your hair, breathing steadily, but you could tell he was awake.

“I had an idea,” You said. “What if we apprenticed Eida? You could teach her tanning, and I could teach her the methods and means of being a tailor. There’s much of this job one can do with only one hand, and there’s no reason she couldn’t hire an assistant if she were to branch out on her own. What do you think?”

“I think that’s an amazing idea,” He said. “Gods know what I could have done if I had had that kind of support when I lost my arm. We can do for her what no one did for me.”

The two of you spoke to Eida the next day, and though she was dubious about her ability to learn with her disability, she agreed. It took her a few months to heal, during which time you and Arkag solidified your union by getting married.

After she was mended, she began spending her days in the shop, learning to sew one-handed and assisting Arkag with the tanning. Arkag no longer got jealous or resentful when you went hunting, as he had Eida to occupy his time. Eida began calling the both of you Uncle after some time.

Arkag enjoyed teaching Eida so much that he actually brought up the subject of adopting a child. You were delighted with the idea, and after a trip to Coleville, the two of you came home with a lizardfolk girl named Cinna who had lost both her tail and her parents in a similar accident as Eida, and had severe balance problems. She and Eida got along swimmingly. After a year, you and Arkag adopted another child, a blind gnoll boy called Jotak.

You had a loving husband who was learning to love himself through helping others, a business that was booming, and two beautiful children. You couldn’t imagine life being any more complete than it was right at that moment, and for all the rest of your moments.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider buying me a Kofi, becoming a Patron, or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[autumnslance]

Heyyy! I have a question! But first I would love to share how I love your work ^^! It's mostly why I come to you with this question... See, I uh- would love to have the courage to share my writing, and my OCs to the world. But I never found the courage to. Do you have any tips? Or do you know any good tags where I can show my work at, so that one day I will just "accidentally" press the submit button? ^^'

Thank you~!

Honestly, I still feel anxious about sharing my stories and blurbs. I still feel like my OCs are pretty basic and not super interesting for others to read about.

But they're my characters and I like them anyway, so I'll keep writing about them. Even if takes me time to put some things out. I've always needed to write and share what I write, and sometimes that need overwrites the fear and anxiety--but it can still be hard.

And you know me, this rambles, so have a cut--

I have a buncha prompts and Ao3 threads with an "unnamed generic WoL" that were in some ways me testing the waters, figuring out what worked. Eventually the "unnamed WoL" in those bits leaned more and more towards being Aeryn, until I was just now writing about my own WoL (and her friends) directly without apology. But even then...Even knowing people like my characters, even knowing people like my OC/NPC ship somehow, it can be a struggle

One reason I like prompts and challenges is they make me write something and post without dwelling too hard on it, in theory. That "Rak'tika Rendezvous" piece? I've been sitting on that for at least nine months. I have other WIPs and Drafts, some even older than that! Some are unfinished--and some I'm just too nervous to post, like that one, which was edited often and heavily revised at least once.

I could just leave my writing in a drawer or a doc folder on my hard drive--and for many years I did. I discovered fanfiction in my teens on some of the earliest sites and webrings in the 1990s. It was a different existence; I didn't have a home computer or know how to make accounts or post. I just wrote, having realized the stories I told in my head could actually exist on paper. Literally, at the time. But they also are all gone, not archived anywhere or saved where I can find them again.

Roleplaying helped me, in learning how to make characters and write about them, and then posting about them. Tabletop, LARP, and online, I've done it all. I got pretty good at editing chat logs into something readable, and sometimes even looking like a story. The forums and Livejournals they were posted on were meant for the specific communities I was in--friends catching up on story beats. My WoW server (Shadow Council) had a community-run website, RP-Haven, for years. I posted modified RP logs and stories about my WoW OCs there; a bit more open than my immediate RP group/guild, but still people whose interests I knew were somewhat shared. So the move to posting on Tumblr and Ao3 for me feels like another step, for a wider audience of people who inexplicably like what I write about. It's been mostly positive in my experience, but I write fairly innocuous stuff and my audience is still pretty small and contained.

The internet has changed over time, so any baby steps process will be different. On Tumblr, sharing writing is a lot of knowing how the Search and Tag functions work. So far as I know you can keep something in Drafts indefinitely, until you're ready to hit that "Post" button. Tags should be simple, direct, and consistent, and only the first 5 show up in the general tag search (though can pull up on your blog easily when going to that tag). Which is why I always go "Final Fantasy XIV", "whatever challenge I'm doing", "NPC Name", "own writing tags", etc. I end up following and getting followed thanks to the FFXIVWrite challenges in the last 3 years, where we're all throwing down whatever springs to mind within a 24 hour deadline to break those anxiety-induced perfectionist habits that keep people from posting. Many folks rewrite/revise their entries later, too, because why not?

On Ao3 a draft can only exist for a certain amount of time, before it auto-deletes or you have to post it to save it from oblivion. I don't know if changing the draft extends that deadline; I don't tend to save things in drafts in Ao3, keeping those in GoogleDocs. Knowing tagging on Ao3 is also a thing (I've yet to figure out as fully). Sometimes I'll share a draft from Gdocs with a friend or two for feedback and encouragement before posting ("That Green Umbral Wind" was one, and "Please" was because hooboy).

Pillowfort is a lot like Tumblr, but has features like making a post non-rebloggable, and also any edits to the post reflect in reblogs. There's a bit more control of one's posts there. Also communities, which are like collectively following a public feed people can post or reblog directly to. Pillowfort's also still smaller/less used than Tumblr, and gives out invite keys regularly. Sometimes starting small, with more controls over how it's seen and shared, can help with the anxiety.

I'm also in a largish writing Discord where there are channels for sharing snippets of one's writing, and people can react with emojis and discuss it in the related channels. That's always nice for feedback, for brainstorming, for encouragement. There are even rules now about self-deprecating and putting down your own work--it doesn't help you or anyone else to put yourself and your writing down. We're all learning and growing the more we practice and try new things, like any other art.

You can only get better by keeping on writing, but there's only so far you can get without any feedback. Even if it's just a Like/Kudos, someone read and cared. Comments and tags like "I like this line" or "I love you wrote X part" or "I like how they interact" can really help figure out your strengths, maybe what of the other bits could be worked on more, and of course bolster the confidence to simply keep posting. Trusted friends or finding good beta readers to ping things off of can make a difference, depending on how you write.

But in the end, it's making the love of your OCs and wanting to write matter more than that fear/anxiety. Giving yourself the freedom to make changes when needed, to know it's not written in stone and can be edited, or even rewritten and reposted when you know you can do it better--I see it often. Sometimes you sit on something for awhile tweaking it until it's ready, sometimes you yeet a new piece into the void as soon as you finish typing.

Knowing that if nothing else, on a day when you need to, you can go to that page on your device and reread that thing you posted and remember you still love your characters, even years later, and maybe even think of something new to write for them.

[atsixesandcevans]

Cutting it Close

Summary: The Grind, the coffee shop you work at, is the only one in the area that is open late. When Steve literally bursts in on the last night of the semester, neither of you have any idea just how good a decision that would turn out to be.

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: none

A/N: I’m sorry this is SO late, I’ve been swamped with work so getting his out was way more difficult than it should have been! this was written as part of @bitchassbucky​‘s holiday writing challenge, with the prompt ‘college au,’ though it kinda turned into a college/coffee shop au hybrid hahaha

as always, feedback is appreciated, and feel free to send me an ask if you’d like to be tagged in any of my future works!

(this is not proofread so I apologise for any mistakes)

Read on AO3

The recent snowfall left a thin white blanket across the pavement and parked cars out on the street, illuminated only by warm streetlamps and the intermittent flickering of fairy lights in the shop window.

The Grind coffee shop, as well as the street on which it sat, was unusually quiet for a Friday night, especially at the end of the semester when students would come in, taking shelter from the cold and making the most of the café’s free wifi and late opening times, to frantically study for tests and write papers that were due any day now.

Tonight, though, offered you a welcome break from your typical duties when you worked the late shift. For the past week or so, chatter of a big, end-of-semester-slash-Christmas party at one of the frat houses had been spreading quickly amongst the customers and gave the majority all the more reason to get their work done on time.

You were silently glad that you had been scheduled to work tonight. While you had enjoyed frat parties when you first started college – the excitement at your first taste of real freedom only adding to your enjoyment – by the time you started senior year, those parties started to get old. Your friends liked to call you boring because of it, but you found that you’d much rather spend your Friday nights watching Netflix with a pizza than drinking cheap beer and watching freshmen make out with each other in any available room in the house.

It had been almost an hour since your last customer left for the night, and with two hours of your shift left, you had pulled a textbook from your bag with every intention of getting ahead on some reading for next semester. Instead, though, you found yourself easily distracted, reading he same paragraph at least five times with none of the information actually sinking in.

You pressed your fingers to your closed eyes, willing yourself to just concentrate for five minutes, and were just about to read the paragraph for the sixth time when the bell above the door rang, a gust of cold air sending a chill over you that was quickly eradicated by the warmth coming from the heater behind the counter. Your head snapped up in the direction of the customer, your eyes falling upon the strong frame of Steve, the one from your history class who always had something insightful to say. You’d always liked him; aside from being insanely attractive, he was also smart in a quiet kind of way, never arrogant when he got a question right, and you often watched him blush and glance down in embarrassment when the professor praised him on his insight.

You’d never spoken to him directly, but you smiled at each other when you passed in the hallways, and even at 9am on a Monday he always looked put-together, a stark contrast to the jeans and sweaters that had become your staple outfit for class.

Tonight, though, he looked flustered, laptop tucked under one arm, blond hair dishevelled, like he’d been running his hands through it, dark circles beginning to form under his eyes.

He barely spared you a glance before hurrying over to a table, not even stopping to take off his jacket before he had the laptop sat open on the table. You heard him mutter “come on, come on,” as he moved his finger frantically over the mousepad, clicking a few times before he released a heavy breath, a mutter of “oh, thanks god” slipping past his lips whilst he shrugged out of his jacket, almost immediately typing furiously at the keyboard.

You found yourself frozen on the spot, unsure of what to do. You had the urge to go over and ask if he needed anything – or just whether he was okay – but reminded yourself that occurrences like this weren’t uncommon for you; The Grind was the only coffee shop open so late that also had the added bonus of free wifi that actually works, so students entering in a frantic rush to finish and submit their assignments was typical, especially so late in the semester.

This guy, though… this guy was cutting it close.

After arguing with yourself for several minutes, you decided to leave him to it figuring that he probably just wanted to concentrate of whatever it was he was doing. You settled back in your stool, going back to reading, though you glanced up at Steve every now and then, his expression a little less stressed each time you did. Forty minutes or so after he arrived, the sound of typing stopped, causing you to look up. Steve continued to gaze intently at the screen, eyes moving quickly back and forth across the screen for several minutes, before he clicked a few times and breathed a heaving sigh, closing his laptop and rubbing at his eyes.

You watched as he stretched his arms above his head, a quiet groan escaping his lips. The action caused his tshirt to rise a little, revealing just a couple of inches of skin, the sight of his taught stomach and smattering of dark hair causing heat to rise up the back of your neck and you quickly tore your eyes away, quietly clearing your throat. The sound of your cough alerted him to your presence and his gaze flicked up to meet yours as his arms dropped, cheeks flushing pink in embarrassment.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, that was so rude of me.” He was bashful as he spoke, his voice soft and warm as melted chocolate in the stillness of the café, and you found yourself immediately desperate to hear it again.

You smiled at him warmly, placing your book down on the counter and shook your head a little, lightly scratching at the side of your nose in a nervous habit. “Don’t worry about it.”

A flash of recognition seemed to cross his face and he asked, “you’re Y/N, right? From Professor Hill’s history class?”

“That’s me. And you’re Steve.” You had intended for it to sound like a question, but it came out as a statement, and you only prayed that he wasn’t creeped out by the fact that you already knew his name. He nodded his agreement with a smile, and you breathed a tiny sigh of relief that he didn’t seem suspicious, as he rested his forearms on the table, and you had to fight to keep your eyes on his face instead of the way the position made his tshirt hug his biceps. You cleared your throat again, attempting to rid your mind of the images it was suddenly conjuring. “Uh, do you want a coffee or something? I would have offered you one sooner, but you seemed pretty busy, so…” you trailed off with a small shrug, earning a soft chuckle from Steve.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I tend to tune everything out when I’m focused on something. But, I’d love a coffee…” he paused, almost as if contemplating with himself before continuing, “provided you join me?” His voice was shy, hopeful, and god if it didn’t make something swell in your chest.

You were taken aback by his request, but warmth spread through you at the sight of his bashful smile and you nodded in agreement before you turned and quickly made the drinks.

When you placed the mugs down on the table and moved to sit in the seat opposite Steve, you asked the question that had been playing on your mind for the past hour. “So… what brings you to The Grind at nine o’clock on a Friday night, especially on the night of the big end-of-semester party?” Your voice was teasing, though you were genuinely curious, despite being fairly certain you already knew the answer.

Steve laughed, mirroring your tone. “Are you kidding? Who wouldn’t want to spend the last night of the semester in a near-empty coffee shop finishing a paper that’s due in…” he lifted his wrist to check his watch, “two and a half hours?” You laughed at this, and he quickly joined in, the sound deep and warm. “The internet’s painfully slow at my apartment right now, and I really needed somewhere to finish and submit this assignment and thank god you were here.” You smiled at him humorously, taking a sip of your drink.

Conversation flowed after that, talking with ease about anything and everything; how you felt about your history class, plans for the holidays, what you’re currently binging on Netflix.

Time seemed to fly by, and before long it was time to close the shop. You expected Steve to head off but, to your surprise, he stayed with you, even helping you with the few small cleaning jobs you had to do before you went home. He even insisted on walking you home, claiming he lived only a few blocks away from your apartment, and you quickly agreed, not wanting the night to end just yet.

You talked and laughed the whole walk back, feeling an ease around Steve that you hadn’t felt with anyone else, and you were surprised by just how heavily the disappointment sat in your stomach when you arrived outside your apartment building.

You both slowed to a stop, suddenly shy again, neither wanting to say goodnight. Steve shifted his laptop under his arm, glancing around nervously. He cleared his throat nervously, his free hand coming to rub at the back of his neck. “I, uh- I don’t suppose you’d want to get dinner with me sometime, would you?”

Nodding, you bit your lip with a smile, shifting your bag where hit hung from your shoulder. “Yeah, I’d really like that.” Steve let out a relieved chuckle, and you quickly swapped numbers and bid each other goodnight with matching grins, something new and wonderful floating between you, a promise of more to come and the start of something remarkable.

[empyreanwritings]

Sinful (4)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader x Natasha Romanoff

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: mild angst, feelings of loneliness, anxiety, mentions of masturbation (lmao i’m sorry, those warnings together are a mess). 18+ only

Summary: It’s not considered homewrecking if you want both of them, right? Maybe not, but it sure is naughty.

A/N: This is sort of a filler chapter, but I needed there to be some sort of build up towards the conversation these three are going to have once BuckyNat comes back from their mission! Thank you for all the support on this story cause it’s what keeps me motivated to keep writing it! P.S this is isn’t a smutty chapter but this story is still only 18+. You should not be reading it if you are a minor.

Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated (: x

Sleep was something you didn't get a lot of often, but it was frustrating when it didn't come to you at all. No matter how long you kept your eyes closed, you never slipped into a peaceful slumber. There was nothing but black and the sound of your frustrated breathing. Wanda once told you to try slowing your own heart rate down through breathing exercises, but it all felt like a sham. Nothing you tried seemed to work tonight.

It was almost pathetic when you thought about the reason for your restlessness - you missed having Nat and Bucky. Which was stupid because you had only been with them for a few nights; it's not as if you had months or years to get used to having them around. You were being clingy, and you didn't have a valid reason for being so.

You kicked your blankets off you as you shifted off the bed. There was no use in lying there and stewing in your own sad thoughts.

You glanced at the clock and saw it was still only three in the morning. Everyone else in the compound was still asleep, so you didn't have anyone to rope into a late-night adventure. You could have woken up Sam, but you weren't in the mood to listen to another lecture about why being a third in a couple never ends well. You were well aware of all the risks. It had been something you thought about the minute the two of them left for the mission - leaving you behind.

Ugh, I sound pathetic, you thought to yourself.

There was a small 24-hour diner just a few miles south from the compound. It was just off an unpaved road, and most people passed it because it looked more like a fancy mobile home rather than a diner. You figured that would be a good spot to spend the rest of your night in.

Misery pancakes were always the best kind of food.

A playlist that had to have been made back in 2012 played over a crackling speaker in the corner of the diner. You were hit with a wave of cold air the moment you opened the door, but you welcomed the feeling. You hadn't thought about getting fully dressed, so you only wore a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie with a few questionable stains by the collar, but you hadn't anticipated how hot it was outside. You were sweaty before you even made it to the parking lot, so the air really had been refreshing.

You were the only one in the diner besides the staff and an old man who sat in the farthest booth. He was hunched over a plate of eggs and ate them as if he hadn't had a decent meal in weeks.

By the ragged looks of him, that assumption wasn't far off.

You took one of the stools at the bar and kept your head low until the waitress walked over to get your order. "Misery pancakes" almost slipped off your tongue, but you caught yourself just in time to tell her you wanted pancakes and a coffee. She gave you a look that you couldn't quite read before putting your order in. You wondered if a lot of people came in the middle of the night to eat their feelings. It seemed like a good place to do that.

The waitress - you finally looked at her nametag to see her name was Pearl - placed a mug in front of you and poured some coffee into it. You didn't need cream or sugar for it tonight. No, tonight was as black coffee kind of night.

Or was it technically morning? Time really didn't make much sense when you didn't sleep.

"Penny for your thoughts, hon?" Pearl asked as she set the plate of pancakes in front of you.

You shrugged. "It's kind of a mess. I don't think you'd understand; mainly 'cause I don't understand myself."

"Try me."

You snorted. Pearl was the type of woman who looked like she belonged in a diner - and you didn't mean that in a bad way. She was round in the face, and she wore pink cat-eye glasses low on her nose. She kept her gray hair piled on top of her head, almost like a beehive, and she had dangly earrings that were shaped like dairy cows. Her look made it seem like she stepped right out of the sixties, which might have been how long she's worked here.

You made a mental note to ask her about that later.

"There's this couple that I've sort of had a thing for since I met them," you chewed on your lower lip, unsure of how she would react to this information, "Both of them. Not one or the other, I wanted both."

She smirked, but she didn't say anything. She just waved at you to continue your story.

"We spent a night together. An amazing night, if you were curious, but then I thought that was it. I thought they got their fix of me, and it was time to move on! Then they said they wanted me to be theirs, which I wasn't really sure what all that entailed, but I agreed 'cause I really didn't want to let them go."

You stuffed a piece of pancaked in your mouth to keep yourself from going into too much detail about the nights you spent together. Pearl did not need to know about what a wet, needy mess those two turned you into. She'd probably think you were nymphomaniac. While you enjoyed sex, you'd like to think you weren't completely bonkers over it, even with Nat and Bucky.

"They left for a-" You paused. Was it a good idea to give away that you were an Avenger, if she didn't already know? "-small trip. They come back tonight, and they asked me not to change my mind about our arrangement until they came back to talk about it. I'm not even sure what there is to talk about, though."

"Well, what's the problem then? It seems like you have this figured out."

You sighed. "My best friend thinks I'm setting myself up to get hurt. They were a couple first and, well, they can walk away at any time and leave me behind without any real repercussions, you know?"

Sam's words stuck in your head even when you tried to kick them out. There was some truth to what he told you. If things didn't work out, they'd still be the couple, and you'd be left to work on your loneliness without their help. You didn't care much about what people would say; you just hated the idea that you could potentially get left behind. You sucked at dealing with that kind of loneliness.

You were frustrated to all hell because there was always a risk in relationships. In the beginning, you never know if the person you're with is going to be with you forever. Everyone is raised on this notion that love is worth taking risks for if you believe someone is your soulmate, so why was it such a big deal now? Because there were two love interests involved rather than one? How did that make any sense?

You took another sip of your coffee. Your head was beginning to pound with all your thinking.

"Sugar, it seems like you're overthinking," Pearl pointed out. "If these two want to be with you then you shouldn't worry about what anyone else says."

"But-"

"But nothing. Listen, you need to have a talk with them to figure out where you stand - figure out your boundaries. You don't need to think about what your best friend thinks or stress over what could happen. You know why?"

You smiled. "Why?"

"Cause anything could happen! A meteor could strike this diner with all of us in it right now. Someone could die in their sleep somewhere on the other side of the world. Aliens could try and take over New York City again. None of us stress over these kinds of things because there's no use. If they do, it's just a silly excuse to be miserable, and let me tell you, there's a lot we can all be miserable for. Doesn't mean we have to be."

You sat back in your seat, surprised that you hadn't thought about any of that before. She gave you a quick pat on the arm, topped off your coffee, and stepped away to check on the man in the corner. There was a glint in her eye that told you she knew she was right. About everything.

You slipped your phone out and stared at the blank message screen for a moment. It was still early. The odds of either of them being up were slim, but you needed to talk to them, even if it was only for a few seconds.

You: How's the mission?

Bucky: Boring. Nothing's happened yet, and I'm pretty sure this lead was a dud.

Nat: What are you doing up?

You: Couldn't sleep. Went to a diner for late night pancakes.

You snapped a pic of your half-eaten pancakes and sent it to them. You were never the type of person to take pictures of your food and post it everywhere, but this seemed appropriate. There was a slight chance they didn't believe you actually snuck out of the compound for pancakes.

Bucky: Want to talk about what's keeping you up?

You: Not really…not until you guys come back. It'd be silly to talk about it now.

Nat: Do you want to be distracted instead?

You: Yes.

Nat: Yes, what?

The heat was already starting to pool in your belly. You clenched your thighs together out of habit. How they managed to get you soaked through a text message was just a testament to how phenomenal they were.

You: Yes, ma'am.

Nat: Good girl. Now, I want you to go into the bathroom and get yourself off thinking about us. Make sure you stay quiet…don't want to disturb the other diner patrons.

Bucky: And yes, we want pictures of your panties on the floor as proof.

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